#except it is definitely made for applying to a job not a school

[girlscience]

well. I added my recent work stuff to my resume today, but then got stressed and didn't even manage to edit it. the day isn't over so maybe I'll get more done, but aaaghaghghaghag

[fingertipsmp3]

I have no proof or anything but I’m pretty sure this man, who called me twice and left two messages, is now rejecting my calls

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Eddie hated this and he'd just started.

See, he was so proud when he made it, when he got his first office job. He saw what decades of physical labor did to Wayne's back, his hands, and he wanted to make his uncle proud. So he kept applying and applying and getting ignored and rejected and finally, finally he got a job in a pretty large corporate. Not exactly something prestigious, but hey, it had potential. The experience counted and all that.

He thought maybe workplaces would be different, that the good ol' high school dynamic would fuck off, but no. He was sitting at his desk, trying to fill in paperwork after a taxing phone call, but all he could focus on was whispering from the neighboring cubicle that was ostentatiously loud. He didn't know who sat there yet, the guy had been on vacation for the two weeks Eddie was in the company. From the stuff he was hearing, he was getting introduced anyway and not exactly the way he'd have liked to be.

"Can you believe they actually let him work here?" It was Carol, of course it was, the office gossip and mean girl knockoff. "I mean, he doesn't even look decent! Did you see that hair?" Okay, that hurt. He actually pulled his hair into a neat bun every morning, but you can't please some people. "And he has tattoos, what would our customers think if they actually met him, plus you should have heard the rumors about his past-!"

But just as he was about to slam down the pile of paperwork and either take an extended smoke break or gently ask Carol to go fuck a polar bear, he heard another voice. Bored and wonderfully bitchy.

"That's absolutely fascinating, Carol. Please tell me more, what could this guy possibly have done? It must be something juicy. Did he perhaps fuck his boss during the Christmas party and then lie about it to his boyfriend of five years? Oh wait no. That was you. Silly me."

Eddie had to bite his pencil to stay quiet, but his whole chest hurt by trying to keep the snickering in. And then the offended gasp. "I- you promised you wouldn't-!"

"I didn't promise shit, Carol. You just came to me, cried your eyes out - bad move by the way, invest in some waterproof mascara for god's sake, mascara in wrinkles doesn't good on anyone, and yes, you do have wrinkles - and tried to play the victim. Except I heard your small proposition to the guy before so it didn't really work out. But it's fine, you know," and oooh, the tone was smug, so bored, Eddie loved this guy already, "Tommy saw you as well and had a good time with Nicole to get even. So there's nothing to worry about. Now tell me, what did this horrible Eddie Munson do to summon wrath of such a righteous woman such as yourself?"

Eddie heard a sharp sound as Carol got up from the desk. "Fuck you, Steve Harrington," she spat out and sped past Eddie's seat. He just gave her a small salute.

When the sound of high heels faded, Eddie leaned over the cubicle wall and knocked to draw the guy's attention. And yeah, maybe he was a little bit biased because he'd just obliterated a textbook definition of a shrew, but this Steve was fucking gorgeous, light brown eyes looking at him, a smug smirk tugging at his lips.

"Oh hi," said Steve and offered his hand, shaking Eddie's. "Sorry for that. I'm Steve Harrington and whatever deepest, darkest secrets you're hiding, I don't care, I'm pretty sure I've heard them all. What did you do? Shave your head in school? Join a cult? Cut dolls apart and chant hail Satan?"

That had Eddie laughing again, but he still had an introduction to make. A proper one. "Nice to meet you, Steve. Eddie Munson, and I'm worse than your darkest nightmares. I sometimes wear socks in sandals."

Steve's eyebrow twitched. "Oh, Carol was right, you are a monster!" he muttered. "Speaking of monsters..." His head leaned to the side, towards Carol who was angrily carrying her coffee mug, her mascara running again.

Before he could catch himself, Eddie leaned over the wall and whispered as loudly as he could muster. "Can you believe some people wear dotted dresses with stripes on their stockings? We can't all be born with taste, I guess...tragic."

And again, maybe Eddie was just biased, but Steve's laughter was so pretty that it actually made dealing with Carol's bullshit worth it.

[iwillbringyouruin]

Visions Magazine with Tobias Forge on the idea behind Rite Here Rite Now, the importance of soundtracks in general and how he distinguishes between himself and his characters (Visions Magazine issue nr. 377, 08/2024)

Full translation of the included interview by me below the cut - buckle up, this is a long post! There are no spoilers for RHRN in this.

Markus Hockenbrink: Tobias, have you ever watched the movie Metallica: Though The Never?

Tobias Forge: Yes, once, when it had just come out. The topic Metallica came up when we were taking care of the funding for [RHRN]. Every larger production company – and I have to emphasise here that this was before Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour and her extremely successful movie about it – voiced a lot of concern back then whether anybody would still be interested in concert movies. I had to explain time and again that my movie wouldn’t be a typical concert movie, to which I was asked several times: “Oh, so something like Through The Never?” I had to deny that again. We tell a story in our movie most of our fans are already familiar with. So it’s not an entirely new concept, which is already the first distinction from Through The Never. If you only consider that there is a concert part and a feature film part, then those two movies are probably similar. But that also applies to La La Land.

M. Hockenbrink: You describe your movie as a combination of Kiss’ Alive II, Ralph Bakshi cartoons and silent film horror. Is that a kind of childhood dream that comes true there?

T. Forge: Definitely. For as long as I’ve been interested in music, I’ve also been interested in film and television. Working in film could have also been a career option for me, but I always got the rather annoying impression that one would have to go to film school to really find a place in that field. School was never my strong suit, I see myself more as a autodidact in that regard. That I had the opportunity to work on/contribute to my own movie as a sorcerer’s apprentice of sorts is a real privilege. That is a dream come true but it is also something I can picture more of in the future. Next time maybe without the band.

M. Hockenbrink: Can you remember a specific moment in your life when you realised that you were especially drawn to topics that are slightly morbid and unsettling?

T. Forge: I think that due to my family I came in contact with vastly different kinds of pop culture from a very young age. In more traditional families with more conservative parents and siblings of similar ages, you only really start with your respective journey to find yourself in your teens. Then there are often restrictions that are meant to distract from those darker influences. My parents on the other hand are very liberal and my brother was 13 years older than me. There were never limits or censorship for me. My childhood didn’t go by without rules entirely, but I was always allowed to watch or listen to what my brother was also watching or listening to. That was I was exposed to all kinds of teenage culture from the beginning. Sure, I also liked Pippi Longstocking and He-Man. But that was always combined with the French arthouse films my mother liked to watch or the horror flicks my brother was into. I can’t recall a particularly striking horror film experience, but I still remember the first time it dawned on me that movies don’t just exist, they’re made.

M. Hockenbrink: How do you mean?

T. Forge: My father worked as a documentary maker in television. His job was to connect the video track and the sound track in a fitting way for different film production. I saw Jaws on television with him as a small child. It’s important to note that my father is not somebody who can just quietly enjoy films but somebody who likes to butt in. Thanks to him I already had a kind of epiphany during the introduction. He said: “Look closely! There is nothing to see in this underwater scenery except the algae. Technically completely harmless. But it only takes the ominous music to turn the whole scene into pure horror already!” And I thought: Wow! That’s true! Later in the movie you only have to hear that music and it immediately puts you on edge, even when there’s nobody in the water right now. They don’t even have to show the shark anymore. I found it fascinating that the [viewer’s] senses/perception could be manipulated like that. Ever since I’ve been viewing films with different eyes. I can still allow myself to dive into the story but at the same time I see the practical aspect to film-making.

M. Hockenbrink: I had a similar feeling during the introduction of Shining: technically a cozy road trip in the mountains, but a pure nightmare with the music.

T. Forge: I’m with you on that. Shining is one of the best movies of all time. And funnily enough, only the intro sequence was actually shot in nature. All the other scenes, even if they were outside, were filmed in the studio. Exactly that kind of craftsmanship is what I find inspiring.

M. Hockenbrink: With that in mind, what makes a good soundtrack in your opinion?

T. Forge: We already talked about Jaws, but I can think of Eyes Wide Shut as another example. There is that short piano theme that comes up again and again, incredibly effective. A good soundtrack needs to deliver something that you don’t have to be able to see to perceive its existence. Sure, there are no monsters in Eyes Wide Shut, aside from the main character’s jealousy as an internal monster maybe. But just like the music in Jaws, the theme from Eyes Wide Shut symbolises something that doesn’t have to be shown. The sound is enough. That is also a commonly used effect in adventure and love movies. You just put in a short vignette to describe the love between two characters. In Star Wars, Luke Skywalker also has his own theme, that is used every time when things get emotional and you’re supposed to feel that hope. You’ve got to pay attention to that. Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th also has a personal theme to recognise him by. Every time you hear it you immediately know “Oh shit, he’s nearby!”

M. Hockenbrink: What about soundtracks that are made up of songs?

T. Forge: With that, I’m especially thinking of Silence of the Lambs. In the scene where Buffalo Bill dresses up as a woman and dances around his basement, a song called Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus is playing. I have no idea how the artist felt that since the song is now so irrevocably connected to that awful scene, that you can’t listen to it anymore without thinking of it.

M. Hockenbrink: Do you feel like soundtrack work is more appreciated now than it used to be?

T. Forge: I think that it’s definitely gained importance over the last 40 years. The right song on the right soundtrack can be incredibly powerful. Just think of Stranger Things. Obviously, Metallica and Kate Bush already had successful careers before, but what happened with Master of Puppets and Running Up That Hill following the series was something else entirely. The songs were associated so strongly with the narrative, that way more people listened to them than before. Of course I’m a strong advocate for live music but I also realised that nothing is as strong as the connection of visuals and music. That is still the most powerful way to appeal to a deeper emotion through the association.

M. Hockenbrink: More or less a shortcut to the subconscious.

T. Forge: Exactly. But you can’t be cynical about that either. If I was an A&R person at a big label, I would probably also say: “You just have to find a spot for one of your songs on a popular soundtrack, then you’ll have made it!” That’s really how it is. But when you view it from an artistic perspective, when you want to reach people a certain way or bring across a certain message or a certain feeling, the combination of visuals and sound can’t be topped.

M. Hockenbrink: It especially lends itself to an immersive experience, as seems to be in the foreground of [RHRN]. An album by Black Sabbath or Iron Maiden ends at some point, then you’re gone from that metal world again. With Ghost, however, you get the feeling that the illusion just keeps on going, across several media. Did you plan the Ghost mythology like this from the start?

T. Forge: In part. When I started with the band, I only wanted to make a standalone album. The concept was supposed to be interesting and practical, but I wasn’t planning for Ghost to be a huge thing. The style I pictured has its own limits in my opinion. The band was supposed to function a certain way and appeal to a certain target audience. The concert was supposed to be a theatrical performance in the literal sense. Ghost were never supposed to perform in a normal rock club nor go on tour. I wanted more of a kind of Vaudeville show in a proper plushy theatre. The band was supposed to be as anonymous as the actors that stand on stage and play, say, Faust. The idea behind this was: Those who don’t know who the people are on stage are more ready to follow the story. Then we would perform three days back-to-back in select cities. Berlin, Amsterdam, London. Just like Diamanda Galás who can more likely be found at a culture festival than in a rock shack. But things turned out differently in the end, and I had to kiss my original ideas goodbye again, so to speak.

M. Hockenbrink: Why?

T. Forge: After the success of our debut album, it became clear to me that more conventional concerts were going to be demanded of us and that I could only really say yes or no. This problem became worse after our shift to a bigger label. It became clear that my vision of telling stories clashed with the live sector and requirements for success more and more. At a certain point anonymity doesn’t work anymore and I had to make peace with that in the end.  I originally didn’t even want to do interviews but that’s obviously tricky when you want to sell records. The question that I constantly ask myself since is how I can do those things best in the Ghost way without denying the original Vaudeville spirit.

M. Hockenbrink: In his autobiography Golf Monster, Alice Cooper talks about himself in third person a lot when he is talking about his character. Are you feeling similarly at this point?

T. Forge: At least I can definitely see where he’s coming from. There is a difference between the person Vincent Furnier and the character Alice Cooper. I believe that he was on the verge of completely transforming into Alice Cooper at one point – to the point where one has to decide where they want to live or die. In the end he decided to remain Vincent Furnier and only become Alice Cooper for work, on stage. So far I’ve been fortunate to combine the two pretty well, but had I started Ghost ten years earlier in my life, it would have probably affected me similarly to how Alice Cooper did with Vincent Furnier in his time. But with my humble experience as an actor I have to say: every character you play becomes a part of you to a certain extent. You have to find certain qualities – good or bad – within yourself to bring such a character to life. I think that most actors only play one or two roles throughout their life that they then end up being known for. The different characters that I’ve portrayed on stage are not only very similar but actually also a part of me. Fortunately a part of me that I don’t want to deal with all day long.

M. Hockenbrink: Too cynical and antisocial?

T. Forge: Cardinal Copia or Cardi, as I like to call him, is not an all-around cool person, but that makes him so fun to play for me. He is half Freddie Mercury and half Jacques Clouseau. Kind of clumsy, kind of silly, kind of stupid. The kind of guy who trips over his own feet but catches himself elegantly. That’s also me in a way, but not just. And I think that’s easier to embody than a daredevil hero character who can rival anyone and gets all the ladies. When somebody plays only those characters their whole life, it will probably really go to their head. Especially when there are drugs involved on top of that.

M. Hockenbrink: With all that fondness of doom that can be found with Ghost, that universe also has something humorous about it, benign even. It that an intentionally included contradiction?

T. Forge: Yes, and it is also very important to me that it comes across like that. For me that also has something to do with the evolution of metal. Originally it was mostly a phenomenon connected to the youth, nowadays the musicians and their fans are close to retiring. That brings a certain maturity. Even the Norwegian black metal musicians who were super pissed and extreme 30 years ago and were only made of hate and aggression are well-adjusted people now. Bearded fathers and grandfathers with a pleasant view on life that make others laugh. I see a certain duality there. Everything that has something to do with goth, with metal, with horror, appears dark, dismal and hostile at first. But in reality, that can all be extremely life-affirming and a source of great joy for many people. So pretty much the opposite.

M. Hockenbrink: Speaking of horror: could you imagine making a real feature film some day?

T. Forge: Yes, I would love that. I’m well aware that it’s not going to be easy to make what I’m picturing a reality, just because I’ve done directing once with [RHRN] now. The creative liberty I got to enjoy there also was due to the fact that I funded the movie myself. So nobody was meddling with it. That is likely completely different when you work on behalf of a big studio, because we are talking about different sums here. If I only go off my dreams, I would name two points of reference. One is Shining, the other Bram Stoker’s Dracula by Francis Ford Coppola. I would like to make a movie that’s only shot in a studio, with elaborate sets, matte painting and all that. No outside shots, no special effects, no green screen. And no actors who only gets to see what they were actually doing after the fact. Proper old-school. The way movies are actually meant to look.

[shmaptainwrites]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 [𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐍]

PAIRINGS — James Wilson x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — James has a huge crush on his labmate, the only question is how long will it take him to ask her out? (Answer: it's longer than you think)

WARNINGS — cancer mentions, patient death from cancer, drugs, alcohol (don't be mistaken this fic is tooth-rotting fluff)

NOTE — Okay this fic has come up from my compulsory need to elaborate on anything Canadian so if you ever wanted to see James at McGill, this fic is most definitely for you! Also I guess it's indirectly mentioned that reader was raised in Quebec, but obviously doesn't have to be "Quebecois" for this to work

Pronounciation — Jian = Chyehn

James chewed on the inside of his cheek as he walked up to the Stewart Biological Sciences Building on McGill campus. For some reason, it was so much more intimidating now that he was actually a student. During the tour he had his mother’s reassuring hand on his back, his father’s words of comfort that he would most definitely be accepted when he applied. 

Now that he had made it, he had to prove he belonged, but it could have been worse. His friends at Harvard and the University of Toronto had told him so. He was getting the best of both worlds, a prestigious school and, hopefully, not as much pressure as the rest of them. 

Without loitering any longer, he made his way inside and looked around to find the right lecture hall. It couldn’t possibly be that hard, could it?

After his first semester James had realized he’d made a few mistakes. One was living in a French speaking part of town without knowing a lick of the language, but that one was the easiest to deal with. The others were more in the realm of the amount of sleep he was getting and underestimating how much content the professors could shove down their throats in 14 weeks. 

He was more than happy to return to New Jersey for the holiday break to rest and recuperate before going back to the winter wonderland hell that was Montreal, but this time he was confident he would be more prepared. 

And for the most part, he was. He got enough sleep, partied responsibly (except Fridays, he partied hard then), always submitted his work on time and maintained his good GPA, making up for his poor fall semester. What he didn’t expect, however, was a distraction. 

When you walked into the room James watched you curiously, he thought maybe he’d seen you somewhere before, but he couldn’t quite place it. Besides, you were much more interesting than watching his sample boil for another five minutes. 

You came and took a seat next to him, taking out your safety goggles and lab notebook from your bag before shoving it under the table. 

“You’re sample’s boiling over,” you said, but James didn’t register you were talking to him at first, still looking at you in a slightly dazed manner before you physically pointed to the beaker, making his eyes go wide as he frantically turned down the heat and removed it. 

“It’s a wonder you passed the lab safely quiz,” you teased and James blushed. 

“Good thing I don’t want to be a chemist.” 

“Oh, and what do you want to be then?” you asked, preparing your own sample for boiling. 

“A doctor,” he shared with a little more confidence. 

“Any specialty in mind or just a doctor,” you said, doing air quotes over the word. 

“I’ve been shadowing some of the researchers in the Life Sciences Research Complex and I think oncology might be a good fit for me.” 

“Yeah, as long as you don’t have to boil cancer cells you should be fine,” you assured him. 

“What about you?” he rolled on the balls of his feet as he continued his experiment. “Or are you all talk?” 

“Pfft, you think I’d be here if I was all talk?” you asked. “No, I want to be a medical researcher.” 

“Maybe you should do some shadowing in the LSRC then.” 

“No thanks, I think I’ll stick to my job there.” 

“Your job?” James looked at your wish surprise. “Aren’t you like 18?” 

“Almost,” you smiled. 

“How did you manage to get a job there? They barely let undergraduates in the labs, let alone be responsible for anything.” 

“It’s nothing fancy,” you assured him. “I just do cataloguing for now, but it's a good experience.” 

“Still,” he raised his brows, “you must be like a prodigy or something.” 

“Again, no,” you shook your head. “Just someone who goes after what she wants.” 

There was a comfortable pause where you both took down your distillation set ups and began working on the filtration portion of the experiment. 

“So what’s your name, anyways?” you asked, looking over at him. “Hey, look, clamp it this way,” you demonstrated and he followed your lead, seeing how much more stable the glassware was afterwards. 

“Thanks,” he smiled. “I’m James.” 

You told him your name and continued your work again in silence.

Chemistry labs quickly became the favourite part of James’ week. 

Ever since that lab, James began to see you in all his classes. On more than a few occasions, he’d had to steal notes from his friends on account of forgetting to pay attention. It became an easy thing to tease him about, so his friends began calling him heart-eyes, because who was he kidding, he had a crush. 

“Get your head out of your ass, heart-eyes, I am not giving you my notes again,” his friend, Carlo, shoved his arm and whispered harshly as he could see him getting distracted. 

“Sorry,” James shook his head and began scribbling down what he had missed, his eyes darting back and forth from the board and back to you. 

“Why don’t you just ask her out?” Pierre asked him after class. “Don’t you talk all the time in the lab?” 

“More like I stare at her and she says stuff to make it not awkward,” he cringed at his own actions. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Every time I’m with her I can’t string together a sentence, and– Jesus Christ you should have seen my face last week! Full on red, like I can’t even be subtle about it!” 

“Yikes,” Jian grimaced. 

“It’s bad, I know,” James assured. 

“And this is why we call you heart-eyes,” Carlo patted James on the back. 

“Yeah, say it a little louder, maybe she’ll hear you,” James said sarcastically. 

“Who’ll hear you?” the group of boys heard a voice behind them and all their eyes went wide as they spun around and saw you. 

“No one!” Jian was quick to answer in the least nonchalant way possible, making the rest of the group, especially James, stare daggers at him. 

“It’s not no one,” Carlo attempted to save face. “Just… this girl back in uh New Jersey that James’ got the hots for,” he gained confidence with every word of the sentence before adorning a smug smile on his face and patting James yet again on the back. 

“You’re afraid a girl in New Jersey will hear you?” you looked curiously at James but he just stared blankly at you. “So you call him heart-eyes?” you instead turned your attention to his friends and they nodded. “That’s cute, maybe I’ll call you that too.” 

“Sure,” was all a red faced James could get out before you excused yourself to head over to work. 

Pierre was trying very hard to keep a straight face while you walked away and James slapped both Carlo and Jian upside the head. 

“What the hell was that! Could you not have been more obvious, Jian? And Carlo, a girl back in New Jersey? Now she thinks I’m pining for someone else!” 

“On the plus side, maybe she’ll think all your blushing around her is a circulation issue,” Pierre shrugged. 

“You guys are the worst,” James shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets, continuing to walk along the path to one of the libraries. 

“No, we just saved your ass,” Carlo caught up with him. “However terribly, but if we didn’t say anything you would have stared at her with your mouth open like a trout.” 

“Carlo does have a point,” Jian agreed, “At least we bought you a little time to get your act together.” 

James sighed, “You guys have too much faith in me.”

“You said that when I started to teach you French and you’ve come a long way with that,” Pierre said. 

“Yeah, sure I went from saying nothing to being able to say Je m'appelle James et je ne parle pas français.” 

“And what a handy sentence that is when you don’t speak French!” Pierre grinned and James couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head. 

“Okay, I’ll try and get my act together and ask her out…and learn more French.” 

“That’s the spirit!” Carlo patted his back. “Now let’s go get a drink and relax.” 

“Maybe after we study for our physics midterm?” James nudged his friend and Jian nodded his head in agreement. 

“Fine, I guess if we have to,” Carlo sighed. 

“Not everyone is naturally good at kinematics, Carlo. Take pity on us mere mortals who have to study,” Pierre responded, eliciting a chuckle from his buddies. 

James was quiet as he thought to himself. If he could get a B on this physics test, maybe there was hope for him getting his act together after all.

—

Summer break rolled around faster than James had expected. While Jian went back to Richmond, Pierre over to Quebec City, and Carlo to Chicago, James was left alone in Montreal, working to help pay his tuition for the next year. Being an international student was no joke. 

He would have gone back to New Jersey, but the positions he applied to in Montreal paid more so it wasn’t a hard decision to make. 

His parents would come visit him for some time in July, but for the most part he was alone. 

On late nights, he’d make his way to the McDonald’s in the neighbourhood, not knowing enough French to go anywhere else nearby. At least there, most of them spoke enough English to take his order, and if not it was really easy to point to the menu. 

“It’s already done?” he asked. 

“Give us some credit, hein. We knew you were coming, we had it ready.” 

James chuckled and handed him the money for the order, exchanging it for the bag which he took to a table and sat down. 

As he was pulling out his fries from his bag he heard the chime of the door and looked up curiously to see who was coming at this time of night. 

He stopped what he was doing when he recognized you, watching as you dug through your purse and spoke to the cashier in French. You both laughed about something James couldn’t quite catch and a little while later, after you had paid they handed you a bag and an ice cream cone when James heard you say something about ‘deux cuillères’ taking the utensils they gave you and turing straight towards James’ table, pulling out the chair across from him and sitting down. 

“I thought you lived in New Jersey,” you said. 

James was still stunned that you had noticed him and couldn’t find the words to speak. 

“Hey, heart-eyes?” you waved your hand in front of his face. “You okay?” 

“Y-Yeah,” he nodded, distracting himself by pulling out his burger from his bag. 

“So why aren’t you in Jersey?” you asked. 

“Work. I got a job here, it paid better.” 

“Hmm,” you hummed thoughtfully while eating some of your fries. “And all your friends?” 

“Back with their families, unfortunately for me,” he nodded. “W-What about you?” 

“Oh, I live here,” you shrugged. “In this neighbourhood actually.” 

“You live here?” he asked. 

“That’s what I said,” you nodded. 

“And so that’s how you know French?” 

“Every kid in Quebec learns French, it’s kind of a non-negotiable,” you shared. “I gather that’s why you’re eating here.” 

“Yeah, Pierre didn’t manage to teach me enough before he left,” he sighed and started to eat his meal. 

“I could teach you if you want. I’m taking a little break this summer so I have some spare time,” you offered. 

“Oh, I don’t want to-,” 

“James, you’re gonna have a shitty summer if you don’t say yes.”

He couldn’t argue with that, it would be nice to communicate more with the people who lived around him. 

“Okay, sure, but I’m warning you, I’m a terrible student.” 

“I used to tutor one of my siblings, trust me it can’t be worse than that,” you laughed. 

You chatted a little more, finishing your meals but not before you handed James a spoon. 

“So this is cuillère then?” he asked. “I-I overheard you talking to Jean.” 

“Yeah, your pronunciation isn’t bad either,” you nodded. “Here.” 

You pushed the ice cream cone between you and began to eat it with the spoon. James had a bit of a sweet tooth and wouldn’t be one to refuse dessert so he began to share the ice cream cone with you. 

“So, are you missing your girl in New Jersey?” you asked and James cursed internally, trying to come up with a lie to tell you. 

“Um, no not really,” he shook his head. “I don’t think we would have worked out anyways.” 

“Oh, so are your friends still calling you heart-eyes?” 

He nodded his head, thinking it was better not to say anything in case he gave himself away. 

“It’s good that you recognized you wouldn’t work out before you asked her out,” you said, “Couple guys wanted to go on dates with me this year, but just didn’t seem like the right fit. Plus, I don’t really think I’m looking for anything like that right now.”

James nodded his head again, silently eating the ice cream. 

“Ever been in love, James?” you asked. 

“That’s a really loaded question to ask someone you cornered in a McDonald’s at 11 P.M.” 

You ignored his response and continued, 

“I haven’t, it seems like such a big thing, how would you even know if it was love?” 

James looked up at the ceiling, silently asking God to not let him say something stupid, 

“I think most of the time it comes on gradually, maybe you won’t even know it at first.” 

“So you have been in love,” you confirmed and he shrugged his shoulders. 

“I…I don’t know. Maybe I have.” 

“That’s not a very straightforward answer.” 

“Then maybe I haven’t. I feel like if it was love, you’d figure it out, eventually.” 

You pursed your lips and nodded your head. 

“I hope I get to fall in love,” you smiled softly to yourself. “Seems nice.” 

“Yeah,” James agreed. “It does.” 

—

A few years later… 

“So how did it go?” Jian asked, as they sat around James’ small living room. 

“It…could have been better,” James sucked in some air through his teeth, recalling a recent memory from earlier that afternoon. 

“What the fuck James! You scared the shit out of me! I could have broken the hemocytometer, do you know how much that shit costs?!” 

“Sorry!” James quickly apologized and dropped his books down on the nearest surface to help you clean up, making you look up again at him with disdain. 

“In the BSC? Really? Now we have to resterilize and all the specimens I have in there are as good as compromised.” 

“Shit,” James muttered under his breath, he was usually so much better in the lab, but the second he was with you he became a bumbling mess. “I-I’ll take care of the BSC, I’m so sorry.” 

You sighed and removed your gloves, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

“It’s not just boiling water we’re dealing with anymore, James,” you said a little more calmly than before. “You’ve gotta be more careful, okay? I’m not losing my job over this.” 

James nodded his head and went to grab the things to sterilize the biological safety cabinet and grab the new specimen from the fridge. So much for trying to get a job at LSRC to impress you. 

“I was not built to be a researcher,” James shook his head. 

“I mean, it’s not that big of a screw up, you fixed it eventually, didn’t you?” Pierre asked.

“Yeah, but not until after a thorough amount of embarrassment.” 

“I thought girls found clumsy guys endearing,” Carlo commented. 

“Not when the girl is determined to become the leading medical researcher on the continent,” James sighed. “Maybe taking this job was a bad idea. From what I can see she hasn’t even changed her opinion on dating, she hasn’t been with anyone these past three years.” 

“Do you hear that?” Carlo removed his feet from the coffee table and placed them on the ground. “You’ve been in love with her for three years and haven’t done anything about it.” 

“Who said I was in love with her? And sure, maybe I haven’t made a move, but I learnt French!” James tried to defend himself, pointing to Pierre. 

“That’s not as good of a comeback as you think it is,” Pierre shook his head. 

“I know,” James hung his head low and sat on the couch between Pierre and Jian. “We’re gonna graduate in a year and she’s not gonna know I’m in love with her.” 

“So you are in love with her?” Jian looked over at his friend sympathetically. 

James leaned back and used the heels of his palms to cover his eyes. 

“He’s gonna have a meltdown, don’t ask him that,” Pierre shook his head. 

“God, I do love her!” he exclaimed like he was just finding it out for the first time himself. 

“What did I say,” Pierre sighed. 

“Can I make it stop?” James looked over at his friends who all shrugged. “I am so screwed.” 

“This time, I think we agree with you,” Carlo took a sip of his drink. “Good luck, man.” 

James squeezed his eyes shut, he would definitely need it. 

—

The year passed to graduation and James was still sitting on his feelings. It was much too late now to say anything. You’d already been accepted to a graduate program through your work with the LSRC and James had passed his MCAT with flying colours and was on his way to medical school at Columbia. 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was going to miss Montreal, the city had grown on him during his time there and a part of him wished he could stay. 

His friends were also ready for the next stages in their studies, all going to different places across the continent to get their other degrees, with, of course, the promise to stay in touch. 

James didn’t know what the next little bit of his life had in store for him, but he hoped regardless of where he ended up, maybe he’d be able to make up for his missed opportunities. 

The years of medical school, once started, passed faster than James expected them to, and by the end of it, much to his own surprise, he’d also gotten married. 

You were almost all but forgotten in the back of his mind, but time continued to play its games. 

Medical school turned into a specialization in oncology, and a divorce. Then residency and a marriage. Then a second divorce. Then another marriage and more recently a position at a hospital in his hometown, on the board and a well respected oncologist and a few new friends…and a third divorce. 

“House, I’m not asking you to let them all sleep in your apartment, it’s just a dinner for one night, we’ll be out and about for the rest of the time that they’re here,” James sighed. 

“Can’t you just cancel?” House asked. “Divorce seems like a pretty good reason to get out of a reunion.” 

“See, the thing is, I’d rather not be miserable and see my friends instead, and they bought their tickets months ago. Please, House, I’ll do the dishes for a week.” 

“A month,” House said. 

“Two weeks,” James negotiated and House nodded, so they shook on it. 

“Good, now that I’ve done you a favour, you can do me one,” House smiled, but the kind of smile that was conniving, like he had something up his sleeve all along. 

“I paid you in chores for my favour, who says I owe you anything?” 

“Unless you want me to call your friends and cancel for you, you’ll do it,” House continued to walk the hospital’s hallways hobbling with his cane. 

“What is it?” James sighed, catching up with him. 

“We have a patient and he doesn’t speak very good English, but he does speak French. You went to McGill didn’t you? Must have picked up some of the love language.” 

“Unfortunately for me in this case, I did,” he nodded. 

“Perfect, come with me now,” House motioned with his head to the patient’s room and James trailed behind him. 

When he entered the room, House motioned for him to begin speaking. James hadn’t spoken a lot of French since his undergrad so he was definitely rusty, but he supposed it was better than nothing and began to explain that he would be helping with the translation.

“Erm, Bonjour, je suis Dr. Wilson, je vais aider Dr. House avec la traduction.” 

The man looked at James strangely before saying. 

“You’re an anglophone, but you speak French like you’re Quebecois.” 

“I um did my undergraduate in Montreal, I learnt how to speak there,” James responded back in French. 

“Hmm.” 

James could tell this wasn’t going to be fun. Some of the French held quite a bit of hate towards Quebec, who knew why, but his accent definitely wasn’t going to help him in this situation. 

House got James to ask some routine medical history questions and a few things about his symptoms all the while James had to filter out all the insults that were coming his way with regards to his “poor use of language” and “unintelligible accent”. 

When he could finally leave the room, James let out a string of French curses under his breath, still thinking in the other language. 

“House, why can’t you just get a proper translator?” he asked. “I’m terrible at this.” 

“Cuddy said something about making a big purchase recently and being currently unable to do so, especially since you put that you speak French in your resume. Bet you’re regretting that one now.” 

“Yeah,” James nodded his head. “Big time.” 

They began to walk towards the elevator to go to the cafeteria for lunch, when James decided to inquire more about Cuddy’s big purchase. 

“Oh, she said something about money this, medical research that,” House shook his head, “You know I stopped listening the second she wouldn’t give me what I wanted.” 

“She hired a medical researcher,” James said aloud, chewing on the words, “I wonder who she-,” 

His train of thought was cut off when he saw, near the elevator, a face he hadn’t seen since graduation day at McGill. 

Quickly, unable to think of anything else to do, he ran into the administrative area and hid crouched down behind a photocopier. 

House watched his friend curiously before walking over towards him and leaning against the copier asked him if he’d gone insane. 

“No, I just, um, remembered I needed to copy some patient files,” he lied. 

“You don’t have any with you,” House said. 

“I faxed them from my office,” he lied again. 

“I think I need to go get Foreman, clearly you’re having a neurological breakdown,” House said. 

“Can you just stop making it obvious I’m here?!” James exclaimed in a whisper. 

Unfortunately for him, as you were walking past, his harsh whisper made his location obvious, causing you to look down and see his familiar face. 

“Oh my God, heart-eyes, is that you?” you asked with a smile and James pressed his lips in a thin line and nodded. “What are you doing down there?” 

James became speechless and suddenly he was an eighteen-year-old back in his chemistry lab. 

“He’s checking to see if we need more toner,” House said, lying for his friend, but James knew that was all he would get out of him. “Well, that’s my cue to leave, you guys have fun.” 

You reached down and offered James a hand, helping him back into a standing position. 

“I haven’t seen you in so long,” you commented. “Like since we were-,” 

“22,” James filled in and you nodded. 

“Yeah,” you bit your lip before asking him how he had been. 

“Oh, you know,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I-I’m assuming you’re the medical researcher Cuddy hired?” 

“That would be correct,” you smiled. 

“Why did you choose to work here? I thought you were some big hotshot in Canada?” 

“I am a big hotshot, which is why I wanted to come to a teaching hospital. I thought maybe it would give more opportunities to teach other people what I know. It’s a win-win. I get to do what I want to and the hospital gets grant money from my research,” you explained. “It looks like you got where you wanted to be too, Mr. Oncologist.” 

“Actually it’s Dr. Oncologist,” he joked and you laughed, making his cheeks go red after hearing the sound.

“I missed having you around, James. We should catch up sometime,” you suggested. 

“Yeah sure,” he nodded. “I-I’d love that.” 

You excused yourself, needing to go introduce yourself to a class of medical students, waving goodbye to James, leaving him stuck in his tracks for a few moments before he could gather his senses again and head downstairs for lunch. 

—

“We could have rescheduled if this was too much, man,” Carlo watched James as he brought a large roast to the table for them to eat. 

“See? What did I tell you,” House rolled his eyes and James gave him a disapproving stare. 

“No, I wanted you guys to come, we’ve been planning this for months. I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of it,” he assured his friends. “Plus, we know how hard it is to nail down Pierre, I swear you are always travelling. Every time we talk you’re in a different country.” 

“That’s the life of a parasitologist,” he shrugged and helped James by beginning to cut the roast. 

“And Jian, how’s the wife and kids?” 

“They’re good,” Jian smiled. “Mei started first grade in September. Becky and I are both up for promotions at the hospital, so I can’t really complain. Although I think Carlo can.” 

“Seriously it’s not that big of a deal,” Carlo groaned, “Sure yeah, pharmaceuticals are more flashy than biophysics, but that doesn’t mean that my research wasn’t better.” 

“Well if it was better why did William get the award?” James asked and Carlo just flipped him the bird. 

“Didn’t we go to school with him?” Pierre asked. 

“We did?” James raised a brow. 

“Yeah, for a year, from Toronto, huge stoner. Hated being there and did literally no work, but still managed to get honours,” Jian explained. 

“Sounds like my kinda guy,” House commented and James rolled his eyes. 

Just as they continued to dish out dinner, House’s pager went off and he sighed, excusing himself from the table while practically threatening James to leave him some food. 

When House left, James’ friends saw their opening and began their personal line of questioning. 

“Hey, James, are you really okay?” Jian asked. 

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” James asked in return. 

“You’re getting a divorce,” Pierre said. “Seems like a pretty good reason to not be okay.” 

James shook his head, 

“Yeah sure, it’s a shitty situation,” he admitted. “Did I imagine myself at this point in my life with three failed marriages? No, definitely not. Can I do anything to change it? Also no, and right now I really wouldn’t want to change it.” 

“Can we ask what happened?” Carlo queried. 

“She cheated on me, then left me,” James said simply. 

“Forgive me,” Pierre said. “But you seemed a lot more upset when we talked over the phone last week. What changed?” 

James looked down at his plate and cut into his roast, thinking about what Pierre had said. It was true, even earlier today he was sulking about, that was until he ran into you. 

“I swear,” James started, “if you guys make a big deal about this I will murder you all,” he used his knife to point at all of them and they nodded, swearing their silence. “I’ve got heart-eyes again.” 

“You met someone new?” Jian asked and Carlo shook his head. 

“No, he re-met someone old. Tell me, did your hospital recently hire a medical researcher?” 

James nodded his head and the table was about to erupt into a loud chorus of comments when James gave them a look and they all restrained themselves. 

“James, I’m being dead serious when I say this, but you should have married her,” Pierre insisted. “I never saw you look at anyone else the way you looked at her.” 

“Probably explains the three divorces then, doesn’t it? I was still in love with her the whole time,” James sighed. “It’s going to come up eventually, seems like a pretty big indicator that I’m not good at relationships.” 

“Who knows, maybe she won’t care,” Jian offered. 

“What was it like when you saw her again?” Carlo asked, looking for any opportunity to tease his friend. 

“How do you think it was? I could barely talk, I was a nervous wreck, and blushing like crazy,” he shook his head at the thought of it. “I could literally feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. I feel like a middle school girl every time I’m near her.”

“Who knows, maybe she still thinks you have circulation issues,” Jian shrugged and the table laughed. 

“What I would give to stay here and watch this play out,” Carlo sighed and leaned back in his seat. 

“Knowing James, you’d have to be here for ten years before he made a move on her,” Pierre raised a brow and James threw a piece of potato at him. 

“If you ever do get the guts to ask her out, call us. We’ve made bets on this,” Carlo added. 

“Real comforting, guys,” James ate a bite of the roast. “I thought this was supposed to be my pity party.” 

“Not anymore,” Jian shook his head. “You’ve got heart-eyes.” 

This time around, James thought maybe he didn’t mind the nickname as much as he used to. 

—

“I would think they’d get you your own office at this point,” James commented as he entered his office, seeing you sitting at his desk, eating a pre-packed lunch. 

“Beats me,” you shrugged and continued to eat. 

“So you’ve decided that invading my office is your next best bet?” 

“Oh hush,” you waved him off with your fork. 

“Well, excuse me for wanting to come to a safe place after being verbally assaulted by House’s patient,” he sat on the opposite side of the desk and leaned back in the chair. 

“Verbally assaulted?” you asked. “By a patient who isn’t even your own?” 

“He doesn’t like the way I speak French,” James rolled his eyes. “I’m translating while they’re treating him since the department used all its money hiring you.” 

“What can I say, hotshots cost a lot of money.” 

“You know, you could do the translation, probably much better than I can,” he noted. 

“I could, but you probably need the practice more than I do, chèri,” you scrunched your nose in a cute mocking way and James could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks yet again. “You still keeping up with that posse of yours?” you asked, changing the subject. 

“Yeah, they all flew in to visit a few days ago, we’re gonna go out tonight,” he said. “Do you…maybe want to join us?” he suggested. 

“I don’t have plans, as long as they’re okay with it I’d love to come,” you smiled. 

“Oh trust me, they will definitely be okay with it.” 

—

Later that night, James was drinking deeply from his glass while he watched his friends stare blankly ahead at you. If he looked anything like they did all those times his words were caught in his throat, then he hoped to spontaneously combust right then and there. 

“Heart-eyes, I thought you said they were okay with me coming?” you leaned over and whispered to him. 

James put down his glass and nodded his head. 

“They are okay with it, right?” 

Snapping out of their daze, the three men nodded their heads and finally began professing assurances that everything was fine. 

“It’s just… you said James invited you?” Jian asked with furrowed bows. 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “He mentioned you guys were in town and getting together tonight and asked me if I wanted to join.” 

James bit down on his tongue trying not to say anything, but also gave his friends a look to shut up before they gave anything away. He knew what was running through their minds, they were wondering how the hell he’d gotten the guts to ask you to come, but there was one fundamental difference between tonight and any other time he could have possibly asked you. This wasn’t a date, therefore, there was no pressure. 

“Maybe you could tell them what you’ve been up to since they last saw you?” James suggested. 

“Oh, um, well, I got my master’s degree and doctorate at McGill, both for research in cancer biology-,” 

“Cancer biology?” Pierre interrupted. “I don’t remember you mentioning you were interested in that.” 

“I-I wasn’t initially,” you admitted. “Just after spending more time in the LSRC and a few other irrelevant things I decided it was the best fit for me to focus on.” 

“You and heart-eyes make a pretty good pair then,” Carlo raised his eyebrows suggestively and took a sip of his drink. 

“I guess we do,” you chuckled. “As long as he leaves the research to me. We all know what he’s like in the lab.” 

“I resent that,” James protested only before saying, “but I do deserve it.” 

“It’s a miracle he hasn’t had a medical malpractice suit,” Pierre added. 

You asked the boys about where their various careers had taken them and how they were each doing. The conversation stayed pretty normal until the topic changed to relationships, starting with Jian’s wife and family back in Vancouver and Pierre’s husband who was currently in Australia doing research on some massive insect. 

“What about you Carlo?” you asked. “Anyone special in your life?” 

“Nah,” he waved his hand. 

“What about the mom of the kid who pet sits for you?” Jian asked. 

“That kid charges me per animal, per size. If I were to date his mom he’d probably charge me for dating her too, and I don’t think I can afford his price,” he shook his head and the table laughed. 

“James, you’ve been quiet,” you said. “Nothing to share?” 

James nervously took a sip of his drink and looked over at his friends for help. 

“James hasn’t had the best luck in love,” Pierre settled on. 

“Oh, haven’t found anybody, that’s not a big deal,” you assured him. “I haven’t either.” 

“Well,” Carlo said in a high-pitched voice. “It’s not exactly that he hasn’t found anybody.” 

“So there’s someone-?” 

“I’m divorced,” James blurted. “Three times. Or soon to be three anyway.” 

“Oh,” you paused and tried to think of the right thing to say, but for the moment settled on nothing while Pierre changed the subject. 

After the visit was over, James offered to walk you to your car and you accepted. The walk started off in silence, but you decided to break it. 

“You know, I hope you find the right person eventually,” you said. “It’s unfortunate things didn’t work out three times.” 

“Yeah,” James nodded in agreement. “I-um, do you ever think about that conversation we had, in the McDonald’s by my apartment?” 

“Sometimes I do,” you admitted. 

“Looking back on that, I wonder if we ever really loved each other. If we did this probably wouldn’t have happened. We would have fixed things, worked on ourselves instead of just…giving up.” 

“So I guess you still haven’t fallen in love yet?” you asked, but he stayed silent. “Whoever it is, I’m sure things will find a way to work out for you.”

“The moment may have passed on that,” he said with his hands shoved in his pockets and looking down at the ground. 

“You never know, James. Sometimes life has a funny way of surprising you.” 

—

James watched as his colleagues and a few of the students from the university left the lecture hall while he continued to sit in his seat, watching you walk up towards him. 

“Don’t you have patients or something?” you asked. “You’re at all of my lectures.” 

“Doesn’t it seem appropriate for an oncologist to attend a cancer biology lecture?” he asked as you sat down next to him. 

“I suppose so,” you sighed. “Doesn’t explain why you weren’t taking notes though.” 

James looked down at his empty hands and cursed a little internally. 

“It’s okay,” you assured him. “I don’t mind the staring, it reminds me of school.” 

“You noticed?” he asked. 

“You weren’t very subtle,” you chuckled. 

“Yeah, not one of my strong suits,” he blushed, embarrassed. 

“Do you wanna go grab lunch before your break is over?” you asked and James nodded, standing up and offering you a hand to get out of your seat. 

You went to the cafeteria, running into his friend House who managed to get his food paid for by James, yet again, before leaving to go back up to his office and work on another differential diagnosis with his employees. 

“Did all the guys get back home safe after their trip?” you asked, digging into your food. 

“Carlo and Jian are back home, Pierre went to go be with Ollie in Australia.”

“It must be hard not living near them.” 

James sighed and nodded his head. “It’s a balance. When they’re being annoying, it’s great that they don’t live here and when they’re not, it sucks.” 

“Spoken like a true friend,” you chuckled. 

“What about you? Do you still keep in touch with people from school? During any of your degrees?” 

“Not really,” you shook your head. “After my undergrad I became so laser focused on my school I didn’t pay attention to relationships that much outside of my family. Starting to regret it a bit now.” 

“Kind of hard to have a good conversation with cancer cells,” James said sarcastically and you shook your head. “Do you like it in New Jersey so far?” 

“Not as much as back home,” you admitted, “but it is nice to have a friend here.”

“Yeah, Jersey is…an acquired taste,” he settled on, making you laugh, but your laughter was cut off by the sound of his pager, and he looked down to see what the message was before quickly standing up. “Sorry, I have to-,” 

“Don’t worry,” you assured him. “I’ll pack up your food and bring it to your office.” 

“Thanks,” he nodded and you waved goodbye as he ran off out of the cafeteria and to the oncology floor to go help one of his patients. 

—

James didn’t find himself walking around the campus often, but when he did it was usually because he had to clear his head. With everything that was going on in his life, in addition to the circumstances of this case, he was taking it harder than normal. 

He had left his coat in his office as the hot New Jersey sun was already beating down, his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes following his feet as he took his steps forward. 

He didn’t notice you sitting on a bench as he was passing by. Curious as to his state, you stood up and went to meet up with him. 

“Hey James, are you okay?” 

Your voice pulled him out of his thoughts almost instantly. He stopped to look up at you, seeing the concern reflecting in your eyes. 

He took his hands out of his pockets and motioned for you to walk with him. 

“I lost a patient today,” he explained. “He was 11.” 

“Oh, James, I’m so sorry,” you said softly. 

“In med school you learn pretty quickly if you don’t find a way to deal with what you face every day the result is never good,” he said and you noticed him chewing on the inside of his cheek, “but it was just too sunny outside. How could it be sunny on a day like this?” 

You didn’t say anything initially, only intertwining your hand with his and giving it a light squeeze which he returned. 

“You know, I think it’s probably okay, every once in a while, to let yourself mourn your patients. Just like everyone else. You have a uniquely difficult job, James, and no one would hold it against you if you need a minute to adjust.” 

James stopped walking and you followed his lead, only to have him let go of your hand and pull you into a tight hug. You easily wrapped your arms around his neck while his arms were around your waist. 

“You’re a good doctor, James,” you mumbled. “I know, even if you don’t quite believe it right now, you did everything you could to help that young boy and make him more comfortable.” 

You could feel him nod his head, clearly not trusting himself to say anything at the moment. 

Neither of you wanted to let go, but you knew that you both had work to get back to. James had other patients he was responsible for and you had some work to do in one of the hospital labs. 

So silently, hand in hand, you accompanied each other back to the hospital, grateful for each other’s company. 

—

“I swear, if I stay there any longer I’m going to go mad,” James whispered to you under his breath as you walked along the halls of the hospital with him to help him run some tests for a few patients. 

“What was it this time?” you asked, huddling in closer, waiting for him to spill the beans on why living with his best friend was becoming unbearable. 

“He keeps pranking me,” he began to explain and you could see how frustrated he was just by his hand movements. “Last night he thought of the genius idea to put my hand in warm water while I was sleeping and-,” James stopped himself, realizing he’d divulged too much, just as your eyes went wide. 

“Oh my God you didn’t wet the bed did you?” you asked in a chuckle and James quickly covered your mouth saying, 

“Shh! The whole hospital doesn’t need to hear you!” 

You couldn’t hold in your laugh, muffled by James’ hand over your mouth and his cheeks were a bright cherry red. 

Eventually you pulled his hand away and said, 

“You definitely need to get out of there. That’s criminal.” 

“Exactly what I’m saying,” James agreed. 

“Hey, why don’t you come over to my place tonight?” you suggested. “We can watch a movie or something together.” 

“That sounds like exactly what I need right now,” he nodded his head. “What time?” 

“Come over at eight, it’ll give me some time to get snacks and get ready.” 

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” he held out his hand and you took it shaking it firmly. 

Later that evening while James was getting ready, House watched him curiously. 

“I still don’t believe that you blowdry your hair,” he said loudly over the sound of the appliance. 

“Believe it or not, I do,” James responded. 

“It just seems so pointless, your hair is messy anyways,” he crossed his arms and James gave him a look. 

“My hair looks fine, yours on the other hand could use a trim and about a billion other things,” James retorted.

“So, is this a date?” House asked, changing the topic. 

“No, it’s not a date,” James shook his head. “It’s an opportunity for me to get away from your insanity.” 

“Are you sure it’s not a date?” he asked. 

“What makes you think it's a date?” he finally gave in and turned around to face his friend, turning off the blow dryer. 

“Well if you asked her if you could come over, probably not a date, but if she offered…” he shrugged his shoulders. 

James shook his head, he didn’t want to allow himself to believe it was true, because if it was, he’d probably overthink things and make a fool of himself. 

“It’s not a date,” he reiterated and House stopped pressing, seeing as his friend would not be reasoned with. 

James finished fixing his hair and grabbed his keys and a coat before stepping out of the door. 

It didn’t take him long to drive to your house and when he knocked at the door he heard shuffling inside before the lock clicked and you opened it. 

“Hey! You got the dress code memo,” you joked, pointing to his McGill sweater and then back at yours. 

“I thought you might like a blast from the past,” he smiled and you invited him inside. 

As he entered he noticed the array of pillows on the couch, blankets draped over arm chairs, and books piled on every surface possible. To top it off, the house was currently only lit by lamps allowing a warm orange hue to fall over the space. It made James’ shoulders relax and he could even feel his nervous heart rate slow. 

“Do you like it?” you asked. “I am by no means an interior decorator, but I tried to make it feel cozy so it’s nice to come back to after long days at work.” 

“I do like it,” James nodded. “A lot. It feels like a home.” 

“Perfect, that’s exactly what I was going for,” you smiled. “You’re the first guest I’ve had here, you know?” 

“Really? No fancy dinner parties with the hospital board?” 

“No, not yet,” you chuckled. “Unfortunately, this guy in the oncology department keeps taking up all my time.”

You grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the couch. 

“But don’t worry, I don’t mind.” 

After he took off his coat, you both sat down next to each other, James extending his hand along the back of the couch and you naturally sat right up next to him, leaning forward to grab the remote and turn on the movie. 

“What did you pick?” James asked. 

“Just some random horror movie,” you said. “I heard it’s really cheesy.” 

“We’ll see about that,” James raised his brows and grabbed the popcorn from the table, putting it in between you both. 

You pressed play once you were both settled and tossed the remote to the side of the couch, curling your legs up and waiting in anticipation for the movie to begin.

It didn’t take long for the horror plot to begin, jumping right into the satanic murders and supernatural deaths. Just as you had predicted, it was cheesy, but that didn’t stop you from being startled whenever something popped up unexpectedly on the screen. 

Both of you were lulled into a false sense of security during what seemed like a quiet part of the movie, then, all of a sudden, the killer jumped into the frame with a loud change in the soundtrack, causing you to shriek and move towards James, also feeling him jump slightly from being startled. 

You both looked up at each other and laughed at the ridiculousness of your collective fright. 

“You’re supposed to be the calm one,” you elbowed him. 

“I know it just-Jesus!” James found himself inadvertently closing his eyes and wrapping his arm around you as if it would give him some protection from what was on the screen. 

You laughed again and leaned closer into his side, patting his leg to assure him it was safe to open his eyes again. 

“You must enjoy torturing me, that’s the only explanation for this,” James looked over at you and you shook your head. 

“Come on, heart-eyes, you think that lowly of me?” 

James couldn’t stop the smile that creeped past his lips, “No, of course not.” 

“Good, that means I still have the upper hand,” you moved your head to look back at the TV, but not before James tickled you in retaliation for your words. 

It took a moment, but you eventually surrendered and moved your focus back to the movie, still feeling a little warm from your laughter. 

You grabbed some of the other candies and snacks from the table, holding a gummy bear up for James to try and he did without so much as a second thought. 

“Still have a sweet tooth I see,” you offered him a different candy which he ate again and nodded. 

“You don’t want to know how many cavities I’ve had.” 

“Here,” you handed him a wrapped treat. “This one’s special from home.” 

“Maple candies,” he smiled. “They don’t make ‘em like they do in Montreal.” 

“They were your favourite, right?” you asked. 

James looked over at you again curiously, “You remembered that?” 

“Of course I did,” you shrugged. “Oh wait, look,” you pointed to the TV before grimacing and covering your eyes, but still peeking through your fingers. “Ew!” 

James just smiled at you, finding it harder and harder to resist the urge to kiss you, the thought bringing a warm sensation to his stomach. 

He settled instead on doing what he’d been doing forever: staring at you with heart-eyes. 

—

James tried to fight a yawn as he grabbed one of the many books on the shelves in his office, taking it to his couch and sitting down next to you. 

“You don’t have to do this, James,” you told him. “You probably have to be back tomorrow morning, you should go home and rest.” 

“No, no, it’s fine,” he insisted. “You look in here for that article I was telling you about and I’ll start proofreading.” 

There were many papers and files strewn around the couch, you couldn’t remember when you first came in, but James never seemed to mind when you worked in his office instead of your own. 

“Are you sure?” you asked. “I feel like I brought a tornado in here.” 

James looked up from your paper and nodded his head. 

“Now hush and let me read.” 

“Sorry, sorry,” you chuckled, opening the medical journal he had handed you, flipping through the contents until you found the article title he had mentioned. 

James had a pen in his hand, scribbling down annotations on the side, correcting a few typos and grammatical errors. 

For the most part, he was able to follow along, but at one point, the words became so incoherent he tapped you to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. 

“What does this say here?” he asked. “I-I don’t know if my eyes just stopped working, but what does stirring in sugar and eggs have to do with this trial treatment?” 

“Oh my God,” you grabbed the paper and looked at it closer. “I must have accidentally copied some of my mom’s cookie recipe on here before changing documents. What in the world is going on with me?” 

Maybe it was the exhaustion settling in or some other things James couldn’t quite pinpoint, but he felt himself letting out a chuckle that grew a little longer, and longer until it was a full blown laugh. 

It was an honest mistake, and arguably not that funny, but you’d be hard pressed to convince him of that in that moment, and instead, seeing the silliness of the situation, you joined in.

Eventually, when the laughter died down, you and James both leaning far back against the couch, he turned to you and apologized. 

“I’m sorry, I should probably read this when I have a bit more sanity.” 

“Don’t be,” you patted his leg. “I can always use a good laugh.” 

With your heads still turned to face each other, you suggested to pause the work and resume it another time, to which James agreed. 

You both continued to sit there in silence, looking over at each other and James caught a glimmer of something in your eyes and had to blink a few times to make sure it was still there. It was a soft look, a little dazed, like you were happily daydreaming about something far off. It took him a moment to realize it, since he had been the one giving that look, he’d never really had a chance to see it for himself. 

You had heart-eyes. 

And more importantly, you had them while you were looking at James. 

With a sudden boost of courage, fuelled by lowered inhibitions, he started by asking, 

“Have I ever told you why my friends call me heart-eyes?” 

You tilted your head a little, following his lead and sitting up straight. 

“Wasn’t it because of that girl you had a crush on that was from here?” 

James opened his mouth and then shut it, shaking his head. 

“There was never a girl from Jersey,” he admitted. 

“Why would they say it was a girl from Jersey if there was…” as you said the sentence you slowed down, the realization dawning on you. 

“All the staring makes a bit more sense now?” he asked. 

You blinked a few times, “I just thought you were really awkward,” you said. 

“I was, but if the staring didn’t give it away the blushing really should have done it,” he chuckled. 

“I thought you had a circulation issue!” you exclaimed and James burst out laughing, of course you did. “God, James, why didn’t you say anything?” 

James shook his head, “I could barely string out a coherent sentence when I was around you. Makes it a little hard to say anything.” 

“Makes me wish I had said something,” you said, feeling your own cheeks heat up at the admission. 

“Y-You would’ve said something?” 

Now it was James’ turn to be surprised. 

“I think most of the time it comes on gradually, maybe you won’t even know it at first. That’s what you said to me, but that eventually, if it was love, I’d know it.” 

You reached out and held James’ hands in your own. 

“I should have said something. I could have said something. We could have had so much more-,” 

“James,” you whispered, interrupting him and he stopped. “Shut up and kiss me.” 

James wasn’t going to waste another second, removing his hands from your to instead gently hold your face, bringing you closer to him so he could finally do what he had been dreaming about since he was 18 years old. 

The dim light of his desk lamp, the papers crumpled beneath and around you, the way you moved closer and slid into his lap, his hands now on your hips and your fingers snaking through his hair, it all melted into one and if you let yourselves imagine, just a bit, the lamp became a light in the library; the papers became unfinished homework assignments and lab write-ups, and you hadn’t missed a second of the time you could have spent together. 

Your kisses soon turned slow and repetitive and neither of you wanted to pull away, living in the moment like it was your last. 

“When…did you realize…you loved me?” you asked between kisses, moving away from his mouth, instead letting your lips find their way across his jaw and up to his temple. 

“Our last year of school,” he paused your kisses so he could kiss you properly again. “Carlo said something and-,” he shook his head and sighed. “I realized I was going to leave without you ever knowing how I felt and even though eventually I thought maybe I’d stopped loving you and started to love other people…I just kept trying to fill that space that only you fit in.” 

“First year of my master’s for me,” you rested your forehead against his. “Suddenly you weren’t there anymore and I really wished that wasn’t the case.” 

He tilted his head up to meet you in another kiss that was far too easy to melt into. Neither of you had any complaints and you knew you’d never get tired looking into his heart-eyes.

@cuntyvicodin

[ingravinoveritas]

The people that keep saying not to ship Michael and David together in real life because of their relationships to Georgia and Anna are also the same ones who keep begging to have the two girls appear in the next season of GO as a couple because of Anna’s little joke of making out with Georgia. Seriously people saw that tweet of hers and immediately decided to ship them together and call them the “ineffable wives” but Michael and David have come out with soooo much more adorable moments of the love and joy they have for each other and everyone starts saying that it’s disrespectful to ship them when their “married” to females in real life 🤷‍♀️ I mean…. The hypocrisy is astounding and disturbing on levels I can’t even comprehend. The fact that Georgia, who is known to search her and David’s name on Twitter and answers back to anyone that tags or even mentions her didn’t even acknowledge Anna’s tweet says sooooooo much about this “best friend dynamic duo”. The fact that Anna is resorting to jokes about kissing another woman just for attention also…. WHEW. If this isn’t the biggest cry for attention I don’t know what is. And the fact that people feed into her attempts also and are petitioning for them to kiss and show up in GO!

Lord. I've seen so much talk about casting female actresses in regard to fem-presenting Aziraphale/Crowley over the past week, and while it is disappointing, I am not at all surprised. The first inkling I had was upon seeing the reactions when a behind the scenes photo of Crowley as Bildad the Shuhite was posted just before the release of GO 2:

It seems that a lot of folks were expecting/hoping for fem!Crowley, as we saw in Golgotha in season 1 (on the right), and when that turned out not to be the case, the reaction was to call Bildad!Crowley ugly, to say that he should shave, and other comments essentially making fun of this particular look. Obviously, much of this could have (and likely was) made in jest, but the overall consensus was clear: You can't be feminine with a beard.

(Which...I'd like to see someone tell that to Michael Sheen, because yes, the fuck you can...)

So from the outset, I was already bothered by what seemed like the hypocrisy of on the one hand celebrating a show where the characters are genderfluid/nonbinary by definition, and then on the other hand getting upset when one character doesn't fit into a prescribed, conventional idea of femininity.

When Neil subsequently mentioned that there had been a storyline for female-presenting Aziraphale and Crowley in the 1960s, it was dismaying (but again, not surprising) to see these same fans casting female actresses in the roles. Never mind that you already had David playing female!Crowley and Nanny Ashtoreth in season 1. Never mind that both Michael and David have played...well, "drag" doesn't seem like exactly the right word, but they've played women, and brilliantly subverted gender roles in their own ways. There is no reason to think that they couldn't do a fabulous job as fem!presenting Aziraphale and Crowley, except that (again) some fans seem to have a specific idea of femininity that they think does not or cannot apply to Michael and David.

Which then brings us to the apparent clamoring for Anna and Georgia as female Aziraphale and Crowley, which has again left me scratching my head. In all of the tweets and hubbub, I have not seen one person say why they think AL and Georgia would do a good job in said roles--like, "Oh, Georgia was so good as [insert role]" or "I loved Anna as [insert role]"--only that they would be "so amazing." This leads me to think that the only reason these fans want AL and Georgia in the roles is because they are Michael and David's partners. They are assuming that this is somehow a guarantee of the same profound understanding of the characters and their connection, despite there being no evidence of such a correlation. (I mean...I fooled around with my former grad school professor last year, but that doesn't mean I have a PhD...)

What it also seems to indicate is that these folks are not thinking of what is best for the characters, either, or indeed if playing female!Aziraphale and Crowley is something AL or Georgia would even want to do. Neil recently said that Georgia turned down a role in GO 2 supposedly because the character was older than her and she didn't feel it was appropriate. If this is the case, why would Georgia want to play the role of a middle-aged character? Because that is what Aziraphale and Crowley are--ageless celestial beings, yes, but beings who have chosen to present as middle-aged. That is a key part of who they are, so to have the female versions of them played by younger actresses makes no sense and seems downright disrespectful.

There is also what you said, about AL's cringey tweet from a little over a week ago. Georgia could have absolutely responded to or acknowledged it by now, as she has responded to several other tweets since then...but she hasn't. Not a reply, not even a 'like.' And I agree with you that that seems to speak volumes, and that it would probably be a good idea if people looked beyond the Staged-driven narrative of "Georgia and AL are BFFs" to see how Georgia actually seems to feel about her.

(And to echo another thing you said, I will never understand how it is somehow completely fine for fans to ship Georgia and Anna/want to see them make out despite neither of them showing that level of affection toward each other or having any visible chemistry, yet not okay to ship Michael and David who do have that chemistry and have been making their feelings for each other very obvious for the last several years...)

So yes, those are my thoughts on the whole female Aziraphale/Crowley fancasting situation. I just hope that if we do get them as fem!presenting in season 3, that it is Michael and David, because there is no way any other two actors could give us what we got with Aziraphale and Crowley the way Michael and David did. I guess we'll see what happens...

[cosmiischillin]

Twilight Town: Polyphemus

The groups chaos bringer is Iris. Which I learned the name is from the part of the eye that shows the color, a flower, and the Greek Goddess of rainbows (though knowing the show, it’s probably just from the eye fact but Iris’s eye is purple like the flower so I’ll take it).

Iris is the wild card of the group. They are always active and can barely sit still. I don’t know why but I didn’t like Iris as a kid but I enjoy the design process of her for the AU. So talking about their designing will be fun!

The Insane about of Research

So fun fact. In middle school I had the biggest fixation on Greek mythology. So much so that I’d skip PE to read the mythology graphic novels in the library (I apologize to my gym teachers). While I prefer the goddesses with Artemis being my all time favorite, I had some interest in the monsters of mythology.

I wasn’t really into Cyclops but researching them and assigning the details to Iris definitely made me interested. I didn’t want Iris to be a basic cyclops from popular media (aka Leela from Futurama or even Nifty and Cherri Bomb from Hazbin Hotel) since I applied classical and folklore representation for pretty much everyone with one small exception. I learned about the classical cyclops and they were divided into two types: Polyphemus (the big barbarian muscle kinds) and Arges (the magical psychic kinds). With how reckless and adventurous Iris would be, I decided on Polyphemus.

The Polyphemus Cyclops are the most heavily seen but are more “flanderized” versions of the original from The Odyssey where Polyphemus wasn’t just a hulking beast of a man. I decided that the cyclops in Twilight Town show a lot of pride for their brute strength and durability which is why they take up jobs in which they shine best.

Designing

So I dunno what happened in the design process but when using Iris in the original source material as a basis, her design was lacking a bit. She wore near identical clothes to Ruby and even had a red color motif like her. So I decided that Iris would change from red to pink as it wasn’t used with any of the characters (probably because of the whole goth thing but alt aesthetics certainly got some pink). Her kid self looks similar but I gave her tennis shoes instead of Mary Jane’s.

I used Cherri Bomb and Nifty as references to know how I would portray expressions for a character who only had one eye. Later on Cherri ended up being one of Iris’s inspos with their punk rebel like look which fitted more to Iris being the carefree and chaotic one.

I picked on more brute fantasy art with Iris too! They have orcish ear, her sclera is more yellowish , and sharpen teeth. Her skin was inspired by Greek statues and gargoyles which is why she has all those freckles and scars.

Background and Origins

Iris was born outside of Twilight Town from a clan of cyclops. They were considered a runt due to their smaller stature compared to naturally born Cyclops. However this didn’t seem to affect her drastically. Iris found her way to the mansion due to a freak accident that blasted her there as a kid. She was too far to get back home on feet and simply settled there since they already bonded with Ruby.

She usually is the one that caused the most chaos intentionally (Misery just has uncontrollable forces for the chaos), but they always mean the best. They do alot for their friends even if it means getting into trouble. Outside of her multiple gigs, Iris does local stunts with her worm/moth type monster pet Squig.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to move back in with my family?

The lead up to this is a bit long, but I feel like the context is necessary. After my first year of college, my (then20, FTM) father (40s, M) was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and could not work anymore. He also could not be left to his own devices, so I had to take time off school and come home to watch him and my younger sibling (then 11NB) while my mother (40s F) would work. That sucked for multiple reasons, including being responsible for all the asshole bullshit he’s pulled (when I say asshole, I mean it. He used to fake - by his own admission - epileptic seizures to get out of doing the most minor chores or exercises recommended by his doctors), my mothers violent transphobia (to the point of driving me to a mental breakdown when I asked about starting HRT) and emotional abuse towards myself and my sib. She never believed my complaints about my father and was convinced I was being lazy and irresponsible with his care. In addition to that, they moved to this area after I started college, so I was in a completely unfamiliar (and not particularly queer friendly) place, socially isolated, and so on and so forth. This shit sucked. I was promised I’d be able to go back after one semester, but after a few months it has been made painfully clear to me that this is not an option. Then COVID happened, and next year my college was fully remote. This way I was able to complete my sophomore year online. I was finally released for junior year and have not come back home since with the exception of one short-term visit, when my mother went abroad to visit our extended family. (We’re immigrants.)

I graduated this year. When I started my job search, I was planning to stay in the area and applied to jobs accordingly, with the exception of one position advertised by my college. This one would be in a major city very close to my family, so I’d be able to live with them. I was idiot enough to mention that to my mother. The gig didn’t pan out, so I settled on staying where I am and continued to search for a job, a place to live, and so on. I secured a place to live recently and was again dumb enough to share that with my mother. (Yes, I have a pattern. I’m working on it. ) The next day, my sib contacts me and asks if I could come live with them. Sib got into a really good high school with a focus on a field of study they want to go into for a career and have a real knack for. It’s kinda far from where they live right now, but they found an apartment much closer to it. Rent is a lot higher than they can afford, though. My mother lost her job when she refused to get vaccinated nearly a year ago (she used to work in healthcare), and since then she hasn’t been officially employed. She’s been getting by with instacart and my father’s disability payments.

If I lived with them and found a job there, they’d definitely be able to afford rent. Moving there, while undesirable, is not out of the realm of possibility, and my mother has been a lot better about treating me like a person and not being transphobic. Not perfect, but better. They also would not be living with dad because mom is at the end of her rope with him and is looking into a nursing home his insurance would cover. I would also be saving up money by living with them, I’d definitely have reliable health insurance, a roof over my head and so on and so forth. My personal autonomy, personal space, and most likely mental health would be absolutely out the window. I’m still traumatized by these 2 years I spent with them. Not to mention nearly complete social isolation. I wouldn’t even be able to see my boyfriend properly, there would be about 8 hrs’ worth of a drive between us.

So. Will I be the asshole if I leave my family to struggle on their own? I already sacrificed a lot for their sake. I don’t know that I can keep doing that to myself.

What are these acronyms?

[mdhwrites]

Five Reasons Why The Owl House Isn't Inclusive

Someone on Twitter asked me to elaborate on the concept of TOH not being inclusive beyond LGBTQIA+ labels, which I'm still happy it has, and I accidentally just made a five part list of them that helped bring together a lot of the points I've tackled not only recently but also in the past so... Why not? Let's actually make a kind of master post for this. These are five reasons why The Owl House isn't inclusive.

The demons

I don't entirely have an order for this, this isn't a top five thing, but we'll start with probably the thing that's the easiest to never even think about: It's treatment of the demons of the Isles of the DEMON REALM.

Every demon in the show is either a gag, a villain... Or the ones who get to have nuance or be good are the ones who pass the most for being 'human', much like how the witches are just humans with pointy ears. The first point is pretty obvious. A lot of random demons show up just to be made fun of for looking strange and then move on.

The villain accusation though is because like 90% of one off villains in this show, with no nuance or real personality and are obviously evil just because they're evil are demons. They also aren't allowed to be amongst the good guys for the most part. In the main cast, the only demon is Hooty who... Boy his treatment is AWFUL. It actually says TERRIBLE things about Luz that she treats him just as poorly as everyone else, especially when someone else manages to befriend him... Which the show uses as signaling to treat Lilith as lesser than the rest because now she's comic relief.

Finally the passing part. This is actually big for the fact that it's actually kind of racist in general. The only demons who are allowed actual nuance are the ones who look the most like witches or humans. Boscha and Steve are both theoretically demons as far as we know and they get kind of redemption arcs but much lesser ones than any more human character and both start as villains. Then there's Vee who is the only unequivocally 'good' demon and her whole thing is that she can pass for a witch or human. In fact, she's better at being human than LUZ is.

So point one and we've already got a weird undercurrent of an entire race being lesser than the conventional ones or... that'd be it if not for

1.5: Take a lot of what I said about demons and apply it to the guys of TOH because they're also treated like shit by the writers. They are either villains or jokes when they first appear and the only exceptions are either still pretty questionable for fitting one those roles... Or dead. You know, like Manny. I think Dell is literally the only ALIVE male character who isn't a joke or villain at one point.

2. Everyone's really fucking pretty. Like... period. Every character in the main cast is ready for the runway. The only main character who really comes close to being transgressive in their looks is Willow and like... Overwatch came out 7 years ago with Mei and that she wasn't a daring design choice then and Willow wasn't four years later. They're the definition of 'more to love'.

Admittedly, I'm normally fine with things just having pretty people. Yokotaro is based for giving an android a big ass because he likes pretty women. I don't think people should feel ashamed for that. It's just a problem when a lot of your contemporary competitors, or even old school competitors like Recess back in the NINETIES, who aren't even trying to preach inclusivity, have better body representation than the show that does.

And yes, that does tie back into the demon thing too as you might notice that all the demons who are accepted by the main cast or given more nuance are the ones who look the most conventionally attractive. Good job show.

3. Nothing here is actually transgressive.

So now we're getting away from looks and the like and actually getting into how well the show sells its theming and representation of those society rejects. The embodiment of this should be Luz if the show wishes to say that it accepts those with weird interests or behave oddly. The only problem is that Luz doesn't. At all. When she is, the things she's transgressive about are things like the safety of others and common human decency.

Luz never really defines herself by her interests after all. Azura exists sure but it gets like... A handful of forced references in S1 and then maybe a couple in S2, often not even by Luz eventually but Amity, which is literally what happens in S3 as she abandons the series effectively. This isn't technically bad. She has a healthy relationship to it for the most part. She doesn't hyperfixate or try to interject it into every part of her life. She's just a nerd... Which wasn't even a brave thing back when I was in High School a decade ago.

Straight up: I was a part of JROTC, the American school fast track into the military and people the first guy I ever heard squeal about how the Avengers were gonna happen, he swears, was a really dude in that ecosystem. He was more of a nerd than any of the drama kids I eventually hung out with and no one cared.

And Luz is less extreme than THAT. The only time she actually is is during her character introduction where she, you know, releases spiders on a classroom and also snakes that attack people. Or how about those fireworks? What was her plan with those? Set them off inside and kill burn down the whole building in the BEST CASE scenario? Because if she's been bullied so much, why would she expect her class to come outside for that? Regardless of the fact that you'd get expelled just for bringing that much gunpowder into school, let alone the other reasons she should have been expelled.

The worst part of all of this though is Lilith. Lilith actually hyperfixates. She cares a LOT about her interests and gets giddy about them... And it's almost always framed as mocking. Everything to do with her interest in history is almost always setup for a joke of some sort or to make her look smaller. She is also more genuinely interested in learning and excited about the Isles and its potential than Luz commonly but when she becomes that character, she isn't taken seriously anymore. She's a joke, just like her best friend Hooty.

So now we've rejected nerds. Can we really go deeper? Well, how about the oppressed themselves?

4: The oppressed are inconvenient to the show so they don't show up.

Because the Isles is meant to be bigotry free except for Belos (an ENTIRELY different topic that has bunches of problems of it own) the only people actually oppressed in the show, who are ever actually forced to conform and mind that conforming, are wild witches. But not only is their plight poorly shown but it's also inconsistent.

Eda is our ONLY representation of it and the show ever struggles to decide how genuinely illegal her presence is. She's allowed to just stroll into an Emperor's Coven funded school and enroll her student there. All it takes for her to be free for a day is burning some posters. But also on the other side, she is literally threatened with death ONLY for the crime of being a wild witch and not the rest of her rap sheet.

And why shouldn't it be? Systemic oppression isn't actually that bad by what the show depicts. Dana herself wrote Reaching Out where the coven system is treated like not going to college instead of a crime so severe as to have the death penalty. She also was one of two writers for The First Day where they treat the coven system as just tradition and not like multi-tracking is going to get these kids literally killed, if Bump himself isn't removed by Belos for enabling people to break the law in an episode where he SPECIFICALLY NEEDS GOVERNMENT FUNDING.

And as the coven system is the only form of oppression, no one has to actually deal with the social and sometimes legal pressures that makes one hide who they are. It can't say anything about those actually struggling because it's inconvenient. You can't just have Luz be accepted by all if her dream makes her illegal to most. You can't have her easily fall in love because that relationship is illegal. You can't have members of the government who have done literal witch hunts just turn around and be good guys because they are active participants in bigotry.

So the oppressed, the people actually other'd by the story that's being told, are pushed out of frame for the sake of the escapist fantasy of Luz getting to runaway to a magical world and save it. They exist solely to claim there IS a reason to fight but actually showing their struggle is one step too far apparently.

5. It leans into extremely harmful stereotypes of people with mental disorders and disabilities. Content warning for those topics until the BUT at the end.

This is the last one because not only do I think it's actually the most dangerous but it's also the most personal as someone who is literally disabled due to their depression. Who had to be really careful when writing about characters in crises not to peddle the same narratives most stories do. Extremely hazardous, painful narratives.

Hunter and Eda are both disabled by the logic of the world they live in. Both are incapable of magic in a world that expects it from them and it causes real difficulty in their lives, forcing them to require equipment and/or meds to aid them in dealing with the struggles these cause, doubly so for Eda because of the curse. It actually is good representation... Until you start thinking about and people start getting 'cured'.

Eda's is definitely more of a mental health disability with how much it's connected to emotions, stress, etc. like that than her physically being incapable of doing more. She suffers from not having enough spoons on any given day to do things with some being worse than others. Again, face value, this looks kind of nice.

Here's the insidious part: When she isn't medicated, when she isn't able to hold back her symptoms... she's literally a monster. Anytime she shows her pain, she is actively dangerous to those around her. Full stop. And there is no way to stop this except her murder. She will ALWAYS be a threat for the rest of her life, even after making peace with her diagnosis. After all, in the final episode she literally has to warn someone to get away because she's going to lose control. Worse yet, part of her getting a reprieve from it is to ruin another life. Lilith is made disabled because Eda's illness is so out of control that only through other people's sacrifices can she find help.

If none of this raises red flags, GOOD FOR YOU! You haven't ever had to be told you might lose your apartment just because they don't want to one day find you having done something terrible because they assume that will eventually happen, SOMETHING THAT HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME. You've never been told to hide and lie about your condition, to pass as just a normal person, so you could get a job or just so you didn't appear wrong to others. So you don't seem like a ticking time bomb that will explode.

Hunter is a mixed bag comparatively. He's better because his disability, not having magic, isn't inherently dangerous. He's not going to kill anyone someday because of it. The problem is that he is still mostly framed as lesser because of his lack of magic and that he is helpless due to it minus one time he gets to show off his skills while without his staff... To no avail. Otherwise, everytime he doesn't have a staff, he is completely at the mercy of anyone around him. His heart to hear with Willow is even about feeling like less of a person due to it and how they've both struggled with the problem, which, you know, feels disingenuous when at the end the plant goddess forces him through the ground against his will because she has her own magic and is one of the strongest witches on the Isles. It's like telling someone missing an arm that yeah, when you were young you broke your arm too but you got better while the other person is still MISSING AN ARM.

And then he is cured... By the death of his best friend. At which point, he is whole, a complete person with his own magic... at the cost of a life. You know, just like how Eda only got the curse to back off by hurting someone she cared about too.

What the fuck?

And finally, for a bit more mental health rep: Luz. People like to claim that Luz is suffering from trauma, depression, anxiety, etc. in the second half of show and especially S3. The problem with this is that after S2A, Luz is just categorically is a worse person. This culminates in what most consider to be her lowest point, Thanks to Them when she has a speech in class that potentially hints at suicidal ideation. However, in the episode she decides that instead of taking responsibility and trying to fix her mistakes like she used to, she is going to just stay home and let an entire world die. Yes, she frames it as self sacrifice and having learned from her mistakes... but it's not. It's self preservation if anything.

Anyone on the Isles should be presumed dead or something akin to it with what she experienced during King's Tide. Anyone who goes back is going to fight a GOD to try to reclaim it. To have to beat someone who is leagues more powerful than any entity they've even fathomed before. Her friends have been trying to get home and planning for this all with the expectation that Luz would be by their side. But despite the fact that she explicitly blames herself for the situation, she's staying. There's no talk about how this means dooming her found family, how it means breaking up with Amity or anything like that. Her focus is entirely on herself and the mistake she made. They can all go rot while she gets to stay home with her mom.

This doesn't even go into Luz's lower empathy or her CONSTANT LYING that was more prevalent in the second half of the show. It all says one clear thing though in this context: Because she is damaged due to trauma and depression, she is a generally worse person. She cares less about others than a functional person would, as she was a better person before all of this, and loses her morality as she is willing to let people die instead of fix her mistakes.

All of this just makes it bluntly better if Luz isn't actually depressed during this time period and more is just being a bad person because things have gotten tough. Otherwise this feeds into a LOT of bad stereotypes for those who are mentally ill.

BUT.

I do not think any of this is done with malice. Any of the five points. It's just careless. I pointed out the narrative problems for properly including a couple of them and I could easily tell you why others regurgitate issues without blinking for many of the others. It's easy to make these sorts of mistakes if you're not thinking about it. If you're just taking tropes you like instead of trying to craft towards a genuinely coherent theme. It's made worse when you know you're in a landscape that is hungry for representation so being praised for it won't be hard so you don't need to fully commit.

As I said earlier though, this is kind of a problem for a show that wants to be about inclusivity. Who's main themes, at best, are about self actualization and self acceptance. About being who you are and finding the spaces that allow you to do that. And yet... So many are left to the wayside. Abandoned because the show has a very narrow definition of a 'correct' identity and if you don't fill those definitions, it will leave you behind.

If you want a show that actually accepts everyone, that allows for all parts of identity, I've seen only one season of Craig of the Creek and it is EXCEPTIONAL at it. All are welcome in the creek. No exceptions. If someone is alone, it's because of circumstance or self selection and even they are given chances to be a part of the community.

I wish TOH had believed in something even close to similar.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[brechtian]

how Does one make a future professionally in theatre, especially after graduation? asking genuinely, looking for advice!

Hello! I’m back home, I don’t have plans today except for filming an audition tape, and I’m ready to answer this question. Let’s get started!

Resumes:

If you went to school for theatre, hopefully your professors taught you to have separate professional, technical, and acting resumes & how to format them correctly, as they’re all weird and different. If they hung you out to dry, dm me, I can send some examples :)

Applications:

Just go for it! Apply for things! You’re particularly going to want to look for the following:

Theatres in your area you could plausibly commute to.

Theatres that offer artist housing (most common in summerstock, but plenty other theatres do it as well)

Theatres in cities where you have connections/potentially a place to crash for a couple months

ALSO. If you’re an actor, do not just audition; apply for technical and administrative positions as well. In this industry, artistic directors often want to cast people they trust, so if you start out as a production (or, in my case, box office + education) intern but want to act in the future, they’re a lot more likely to cast you when the next pool of auditions come around. Also working in other parts of theatre is fun & makes you more well-rounded/hirable!

On that topic, if you’re in or fresh out of college, you’re going to want to keep an eye out for internships and apprenticeships; you’re most likely to get hired for them, and, again, a foot in the door is a foot in the door.

Once hired:

If you get a contract to work at a theatre, have fun, but also use that opportunity to make connections!

This doesn’t just mean with the theatre you’re working at; connect with your interns, actors, directors, creative staff, admin. Theatre is a small world, and a lot of the people who are working in it professionally will have contacts and recommendations for you. Listen to them, and make friends!

Just in case this one isn’t obvious. Reputation is extremely important in this industry. Work hard, be pleasant to be around, and if you’re going to do stupid shit (I did plenty), don’t post it to your public story or loudly tell others about it. Trust me.

Other Notes:

When you work in professional theatre for the first time, you will probably feel really inadequate and embarrassed and like everyone is more prepared than you (at least, I did). Do not let the demons win.

Find your niche. Apply for everything, sure, but everything is a lot! I was interested in Shakespeare, so I went through every registered Shakespeare theatre in America to look at job opportunities + whether they offered artist housing, and it definitely made my cover letter more convincing because I DID actually care about the theatre being made there.

Okay this one may be controversial but. Don’t pay $400 for a headshot that shit is goofy to me. Find a friend with a good camera, wear a solid color and take some nice photos in front of a neutral background. Sorry maybe I’ll invest one day but like literally just does not seem worth it to me especially this early in my career.

Keep an eye out also for theatre-related jobs in other industries. I recently applied for a stagehand position at a music venue since it’s still in the theatre realm but it’s in my city + has decent pay while I work on moving! :)

Don’t make yourself miserable. If you’re working in theatre, you’re doing so because you love it, so it just doesn’t make sense to work in a place or position that you hate. With that said, if the only kind of theatre you want to be doing is acting in Chicago, maybe broaden your horizons lol!

That’s all that is coming to mind right now; if you have any questions or want more specific advice, just let me know :)

[jorisjurgen]

My Joris Playlist - explained

Yet another self-indulgent post going into details on why I picked certain songs for my third playlist. Even though the Atcham playlist explanation was a flop and that made me sad.

1. Mother Mother - Mamma Told Me

Self explanatory 💀

2. nekobolo (aka Sasanomaly) - Synthesia Ghost

This one is a bit hard to explain. Because the Joris playlist is not separated into child/adult or any other categories, this song's first purpose in this playlist is to, in a way, signify that while the first song is about his childhood, the rest of the songs are definitely about his character after the movie.

It has a mature but vulnerable sound, and expresses a deep, but vague, sense of dissatisfaction with the entirety of one's life — and an inability to express it less vaguely. He hates Kerubim so much.

3. Inabakumori - Kimi ni Kaikisen

This is my top "Joris in Huppermage Academy" song. But also general teenage Joris song. I don't think the king of being homeschooled is good in traditional learning environments.

4. Inabakumori - Secret Elementary School Student

It's a song about not wanting to grow up, "My dream job is to be an elementary school student."

I think something Joris is mentally ill about is wanting to be a child but wanting to be an adult but wanting to be a child. It's a dichotomy he has been trapped in for six centuries.

There are also some lyrics that make me think of the dichotomy of hating and loving Kerubim, during the chorus. Hehe.

5. R.I.P - I'll Throw My Emotions Away

This song is definitely about Adult Joris in his "everyone around me is dying of old age" era lmaooo.

The "you" and "he" in this song is Kerubim though (and a little bit of Atcham, but he has a normal, healthy, and supportive relationship with Atcham, so 99% of this playlist is not applicable to him). I think Joris will stub his toe and think "FUCKING KERIBIM CREPIN."

6. PowaPowaP - Can't Even Age Normally

Unlike Kerubim and Atcham, he doesn't really "age" so he had to come to terms with immortality bullshit not at 70-90 years of age after dying, but probably at 30-40 years of age AND he has to keep coming to terms with it.

Also he hates growing older, because I think he'd like things to remain simple - the same way that was expressed in the "Secret Elementary School Student"

Basically, I think he really hates himself. Big Joris doomerism song.

7. Sohta - Stardust Girl

Years, decades, centuries keep passing, and Joris is just as passively suicidal and self-hating.

He just tries to make it into a good thing by applying optimistic nihilism.

8. Deco*27 - Coward Mont Blanc

There were some songs that referenced hating being a cruel person and a coward previously, but this one is the top "Joris knowing he's not a good person and feeling horrible about it." song.

One hc I have is that when Joris's friends - including Khan and Lilotte - die, he does Not visit them if they're actively dying even if they ask him to come; and he will NOT come to the funeral and he will not visit the grave for at least 3-5 years. There are exceptions, but mostly it's like this. And he feels SO bad about this. He's insane.

9. Meg Myers - Numb

We're progressing to more-immortal more-adult Joris issues with this one, and still there's a theme of him not wanting to grow up.

He's so desperate for approval of other people that he made himself into a tool for the Bontarian government and gaslighted himself into thinking he's making any difference in the world by participating in the system. Sad oh well.

10. Nekotanaka - Never

Once again, "Very positive sounding song about depression that is very Joris-core with him trying to convince himself he's normal and sane, using his love for Atcham and Kerubim."

11. K.Flay - It's Just a Lot

I'm fucking insane. In a way, yearning to be a child is about not wanting to become the person he is. He wants to care about people — he doesn't want to be cruel or cold. But he is.

Even then, it doesn't mean he will stop wishing he could be more carefree and innocent.

"I've done things against which I believe"

"It all amounts to no-one knows."

"I want to hold onto the innocence I've got."

12. Penelope Scott - Moonsickness

Imagine Joris during the Huppermage genocide. Lmaoooo rip bozo??! Rip bozo. Joris you are so fucking stupid why are you still Bontarian after what happened. I need to choke him to death.

I think the huppermage genocide was his first big political disillusionment induced depression.

13. Inabakumori - Heaven's Tears

More epic Joris self-gaslights. I think his thoughts on Bonta in the world are always "things will end well. No they won't. But I can't just fucking say that. So things will end well."

There's one bit of this song that is very Joris@Kerubim-core, and it makes me think of this song in the framework of "Joris's self-gaslight mental health preservation system is very much inherited from Kerubim."

14. Amanda Palmer - Trout Heart Replica

I'M INSANE. I'M CRAZY. I'M INSANE. This is THE Joris character song. This is his fucking theme song, actually.

There are so many layers of meaning to this song: on a surface layer, it's about the guilt that comes with the nature death: we are created to outlive most animals, seeing them grow up from little babies to adults in such a short time. And we are created to kill to survive and eat. The song's primary theme is the horror of hunt for the hunter.

Joris is someone who has been alive for centuries, and almost all of this time he spent in politics. He's seen and outlived thousands of people like Eva, Amalia, Yugo, and Tristepin. He's been friends with hundreds of adventurers that grow and die faster than he can blink, sometimes in wars, and sometimes because of Bonta.

And that's just normal, to him, for some reason.

The song's secondary theme is being unable to connect to other people emotionally; being a cold, distant friend. It's about killing people's love for you slowly, through ghosting, through silence, and feeling like it's the inevitable consequence of every relationship. Just like the relationship between predator and prey. And being just as condescending towards the people involved.

A very resigned position of doom towards every relationship that is in any way positive.

15. Mitski - Washing Machine Heart

This song was one of the three contributing factors to Fragile, handle with care being written.

Big Kerubim&Joris win.

16. Mitski - Working For The Knife

He used to want to be a photographer, an adventurer, an artist, a good person.

But he's working for the knife. :)

17. Mitski - Crack Baby

Another evil Kerubim&Joris win.

Petition to Kill Kerubim Crepin. Together we can explode the feline child neglector.

18. Ferry - The Mill

This (checks notes) song from a plot driven vocaloid song series really suits Joris. Instead of vulnerable emotions of love, I think this is a good "how Joris feels while travelling with Atcham and Kerubim" song, as well as a good "Joris in his usual mental state (repression)" song.

It also questions a lot of things I already talked about: his arrogance in trying to lead people despite being a mess, his reluctance to let go of his position in Bonta despite knowing that Bonta isn't really perfect; and his feelings on Keke and Atch.

"Oh, it's nothing new, the visionless leading the blind; It's easy to say "why don't you leave it all behind"; And this moral compass is forever misaligned;

All I need is that you'll be here by my side. But you can never know that; "Too strong to die" — or was it me again?"

19. Mother Mother - Body of Years

A very beautiful song about the process of someone rotting and turning to dust. Man I hope Joris doesn't have 47573838 dead friends.

It's also a song about wanting to make a mark on the world - and I really think it applies to Joris. Out beloved idiot idealist.

20. Mitski - Me and My Husband

Kerubim&Joris ass song.

I'm going to walk into the sea.

It's such a depressing song that just resigns to "I have nothing going for me, except for him."

21. weevildoing - Caliber Girl

Joris Quit Politics and be Reborn as a Lotus Flower. It's the right thing to do.

(This is a song about overworking overtime overnight overday overweek on your 10 hour shift IT job because Surely It's The Proper and Adult Thing To Do To Be Respected And Perfect And Responsible, and Make a Difference and Change The World. It is the right way, right? Right..!?)

"No meditation, medication, no doctor, no therapist; could cure me of the condition of the world that I have to live in; Working on my rest days. Never productive enough; Even on my best days. Will it ever be enough?"

22. Inabakumori - Rainy Boots

Another "yearning for the simplicity of being a child" type song. Hehe. It's really about trying to do things that used to make you happy when you were young, and it just not feeling the same...

Also, I think at this point in the playlist, the Ogrest's Chaos has probably happened. I think he got pretty mentally ill during those years and clung to Atcham and Kerubim extra hard.

23. Inabakumori - Float Play

The same exact motifs and themes as the last song - trying to return to a more innocent time by doing something you used to, and it not feeling the same.

But it differs in being more aggressive at reclaiming that feeling - begging the person the song is being sang to, "you" to bring this feeling back. In a way it feels like a Joris&Kerubim song.

"A pacifist until yesterday...!"

"Starting today, I'm a victim."

24. Inabakumori - Sink Tank

[hacks up blood] hes been living with his dad, who neglected him to the point of 20 menta illnesses, for 600 years.

The "you" in this song is absolutely Kerubim.

25. Inabakumori - Hello Marina (Will Stetson cover)

IM CRAZY IM CRAZY IM FUCKING INSANE IM CRAZY. This is THE Joris&Kerubim&Atcham song. It's so loving and bitter.

"That scar that you see? It bound what we'd be — you gouged it in me! So, they remain, every ache binding us will stay."

26. Mafumafu - Hated by Life Itself

Big breakthrough in this playlist: the first Joriscore anti-doomerism song.

It's about Not wanting to kill yourself, and violently so - despite knowing that the world is Shit. It's hard to explain because the lyrics of the song are so fast and so dense with many themes, many of which fit him!

27. Pomme - Nelly

Listening to this song, before I kew that this song is about a writer, I thought "this reminds me of my mom," which turned into "this reminds me of Joris and Kerubim" which turned into mental illness.

When divorced of it's (sad, beautiful, very meaningful) context as a song about a wonderful writer, it can make for a good song about loving your mentally ill single parent who neglected and parentified you into having 20 mental illnesses and is your best friend?

Anyway this song is the Second Contributing Factor in the writing if the fic Fragile, handle with care. (And the third one is on the Kerubim playlist.)

28. Majima Yulo - Is This Kamaboko? Mahoro? Makoto? (Less Than Truth)

IM INSANE. This is the second Joris theme song. Joris self-gaslight stays winning!!! Every Joris fan owes it to themselves to give it a listen.

The happiest sounding song to ever say shit like "I'm talentless and powerless + GOD I LOVE CODEPENDENCY + I have 99999 regrets + I root out the sadness I feel for every tragedy + I really wish I wasn't witnessing history being made and I don't want to be alive during most of the ages! + I want to throw up."

29. Flëur - Be My Raison D'Etre

I really, really wish all english sub videos for Fleur songs weren't Yandere Simulator themed. Genuine anguish. Vile slurs omitted.

The thing about Joris is that all he has is Atcham and Kerubim, and they've been there all his life, and no matter how chill he acts, he IS needy about it, and it IS poisoning his brain.

30. Mitski - Happy

[instead of explaining anything, I pull out an image of Kerubim and Joris cannibalizing one another, from my artblog @atchamcrepin]

does this make sense.

31. Iyowa - Leave you on The Back of the Earth

[points once more to the art of Kerubim and Joris cannibalizing one another]

i actually drew it while listening to this but the lyrics on the last song were more striking:)

Imagine being a child and you were adopted by the guy who killed your mom and he had the audacity to neglect you to the point of developing 20 mental illnesses. AND neither of you can die or escape your relationship.

Also this song has a lot of cat puns and Nyas

32. Ano - Chu, Tayousei

[REDACTED]

Also this is the third song in the "I listened to it wile drawing Joris&Kerubim cannibalism." and —

[REDACTED]

Anyway, what I'm talking about is: Joris feels a mixture of hate and love towards the man, and he both wants to be his own person and just Be Told what to do by His Dad. This song literally going "vomit kiss! Vomit kiss!" Is so "positive feelings mixed with negative" it's crazy.

Also I do think Joris kind of disgusts himself with his own desire to Not be his own person (hes an adult man and it's weird to live with his dad for centuries and—) as well as his mixed emotions towards Kerubim (the man doesn't deserve to have all this baggage pointed towards him) which too, is kinda reflected by the vomit part of the song.

It's very manic.

33. Hanyuu Maigo - onomatopoeia

A less insane "joris hates and loves kerubim" song.

34. Mitski - Love me More

Man i dont evem know how to explain this without reiterating the shit ive already said.

He doesn't have anything going for him save for two catboys, man. It's his main hobby and lifestyle.

35. Wowaka - toosenbo

This one's on the more "hate" side of the codependency ordeal. For all his issues, I think he haaaates it when Kerubim speaks over him and treats him, an adult man, like a child.

36. Red Vox - Better On The Outside

For a turn, a warm song about making each other better, and helping eachother heal. While the maddening and controlling part of the codependency is very compelling to me, it's not all gloom and doom with the jurgencrepins! (Especially when taking Atcham into account XD)

37. Mili - 奶水 (Milk)

RISE UP FOR THE CREPINJURGENITE NATIONAL ANTHEM.

The knowledge of this song is required for all Joris, Kerubim, and Atcham fans because it's our fucking catboyliker national anthem and flag.

We romanticising caramelizing mythologizing idealizing codependency-to-the-point-of-becoming-a-singular-being in this mothafucka!!! Get your sensitive ass back to wakfu series fandom!!

38. itoki hana - as you are

Another song that portrays the good side of the trio's relationship. They're cringe losers, ugly, and morally ambiguous failures... TOGETHER! And they LOVE each other for it!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!

(singable translation by the fansubber known as "toby fox". Idk who he is but the subs are cool!) -

"I'm really not — the savior you wished I'd be; the hero you said you always saw in me"

"I know that I can't, so don't be surprised; Just hope the one I am 's still the one you love."

39. Hanyuu Maigo - Thank You, Emptiness

It's a very optimistic song, and I don't like ending my playlists on a sad note if the character has a good ending or isn't dead yet. I think that by 600 years of age, Joris has found some meaning in death and life.

40. Flëur - Someone

One of the only english subbed Fleur songs that don't have Yandere Simulator art on the sub videos 💀😭

It's about being forced to care for someone — and growing to love caring about them. While it is unfortunate that Joris's childhood was... yknow, who are we to deny him the right to Enjoy parentification and want to call himself Kerubim's dad?

Like

"he needs to move away from his father and live alone and a conventional romantic relationship with some random character he interacted with once in canon even though he would never fucking do it and it makes no sense for his character"

"no! Independent life and being shipped will kill the patient."

"he needs parentification to live."

41. PinocchioP - Nobody Makes Sense

Another one of those "i think by 600 years of age, his immortality angst has calmed down, and he found some meaning and peace (but not Too Much)" songs.

42. 4o (tadanoCo) - SentO

Wait 5-6 more months for my animatic and then all will be explained. Or listen to it and see my vision.

But to be serious, it's once again about finding meaning - and aggressively. It's about knowing everything about your job is bullshit and useless and you're making no difference; it's about knowing you're a bad person, an idiot, and an egoist the same way everyone else is, and not caring; it's about knowing you can't change the ways the world exploits you, and other people, yearning to be able to do more, but mostly wanting to just live well with the people you love.

And it's about growing up.

43. PinocchioP - I'm glad you're evil too

Crepinjurgenite nation rise up for our second anthem.

Ironically, Joris has built himself such a stoic public image that the only people he really can be himself with are Kerubim and Atcham. And I think he likes it that way.

44. Faded Paper Figures - Relatively

This song is shared with the Kerubim and Atcham playlists.

The first verse is Atcham; the second verse is Kerubim; and the third verse is Joris.

[maespri]

mystic messenger posting in 2024... we are so back

jaehee kang thought dump under the cut... nobody can stop me...

i recently decided to replay jaehee's route due to a friend (i first played this game in early 2020) and i'm actually ill over her route. i've played literally every route and i don't think any of them make me feel quite as strongly as jaehee's.

and i can't quite pinpoint why... i think part of it might actually be because of the lack of romance? like. don't get me wrong i love jaehee and i do wish romancing her was an option. but i feel like taking away that option made it so much more... potent, somehow... less like you're "fixing her" and "fixing her life" (which is. unfortunately kind of how i feel about some other routes) and more just like. opening her eyes to the life she deserves. and it's not even just you doing it this time- all of the RFA members come together to support her (except jumin but he's evil in her route wbk), and it feels like such a breath of fresh air.

lee basil pointed something out in a video essay i watched recently (incredible video btw) which went into yoosung's route. they pointed out that the characters really change depending on whose route you're playing and not necessarily always in a good way. but in jaehee's route, i think the characterization is really perfect.

like the amount of emotional intelligence and kindness each character has is so strong and just makes me So Happy, especially compared to yoosung's route. Actually, on the topic of that- i wasn't going to go into how jaehee acts in his route but now i want to because. WTF. no hate to yoosung at all- i love him and his route- but why are the characters so... Dumb...? sometimes? You're telling me when someone (can't remember who sorry but trust me) is like "yoosung is probably addicted to games and lost his passion for school because he's grieving rika," jaehee's response is something like, "no way... i had no idea..."

cheritz, look at me. she would Not fucking say that. if any of these characters have the strongest grasp on what it's like to grieve someone, it would be jaehee?

anyway. back to her route. can i talk about how much more it hits now that i'm no longer thirteen/fourteen years old playing it. like she's touching on capitalism and the loss of her happiness and passion because of it. she's touching on how grief still impacts her life. she's touching on how the support of the people around her is all she needs to keep going during these Trying Times of the Unfortunate Reign of Jumin Han and the Cat Hotel Project. she talks about her rough upbringing and how she felt like she was only worthy of other's company and support if she was working and making something of herself. and it feels really great to be able to go in there and be like, Hey. You're still worthy of a lot even if you aren't overworking yourself. You deserve better than this, and not just that, you can have better than this. like. really serves as a reminder to Myself that the same still applies to Me.

and she isn't met with criticism for beginning to develop that sentiment thanks to the support of MC- in fact, everyone around her is literally begging jaehee to FREE HERSELF! i just love the community that her route builds up and how sweet it is. i love being able to watch her sort through her feelings and break out of that mindset of "i'm not worth anything if i'm not doing something."

and the fact that she develops that mindset because of the way she was raised... losing her parents, moving in with her relatives who treated her poorly, who wanted her to get a job straight after high school. but jaehee didn't want to be a disappointment. she went through college, she worked hard, she got a stable job with a great salary. she's such a hard worker that jumin hardly considers her human- which is awful. but definitely showcases how incredible she is.

but she doesn't even blame her relatives or anyone else for the fact that her life is the way it is and that is also monumental to me? like her relatives were actively going against everything she wanted to do, but when jaehee talks about them, she's like, "i think they did the best they could, and i'm very grateful they took me in." that's amazing. she internalizes everything she feels and doesn't push blame onto anyone but herself, and while that's not always a good trait to have, i think it really does show how like. intrinsically motivated she is as a person to do the best she can, all the time.

also, don't even get me staaaarted on the fact that she cares about jumin so much even though he treats her absolutely awful. she feels bad for him for the amount of work he has in her route. she empathizes with him more than he ever does with her. if i were her i would probably go to jumin's penthouse and hit everything with a metal bat. she's stronger than me.

anyway, in all seriousness... i'm glad she gets her happy ending leaving her terrible job behind and actually getting to do something she's passionate about. i think her passion for coffee is adorable and the fact that that passion literally becomes her Life in her good ending? it's adorable.

a popular complaint i see regarding jaehee's route is that it feels more like zen getting jaehee's route LMFAO. but. i personally think that the friendship she builds up with zen over the course of her route is so beautiful. if you play from the prologue to the end he literally goes from not recognizing her in a photo seven sends to buying her a present and telling her that he's going to make it a life goal of his to continue supporting her in all of her dreams. he goes from thinking things are kind of awkward with her to buying her a present and getting lunch with her.

and i also think that's really beautiful for jaehee, getting to hang out with someone who inspires her and whom she admires so much. in fact, i'd argue that it makes even more sense for zen to be such a central part of her route because... he basically planted the seeds for inspiration and joy in jaehee? long before MC ever came around. he just didn't realize he could do so much for her until MC does come around. i think it's also great that jaehee gets that support from the guy who is basically her idol, because it makes it so that it means that much more to her.

like idk there's something poetic about jaehee saying that zen (referring to his acting and musicals etc) is the only thing that brings her happiness, and then actually finding happiness outside of zen because he encourages her to do so by supporting her. You know what i mean? is the parallel paralleling. maybe i'm just in my own echo chamber WHATEVER my point stands. i love jaehee and zen i think they're best friends.

phewww anyway. that's the whole post that's all. i love jaehee kang

[eddies-artofsuffering]

September 1989

No, it’s great, he’s doing well. Not bad at all. Everything’s going just fine. College hasn’t been as bad as he’d imagined. Steve has everything he needs. He’s healthy. Employed. He has paid his rent on time, and he’ll get paid at the end of this week to pay for next month’s. There’s clothes on his back, food in his fridge and pantry. Most of all, it’s so liberating to be away from his practically nonexistent family, away from Hawkins and everything that was associated with the extensive mess. 

Okay. To be honest, being financially independent as a full-time student has been … difficult for Steve. But he’s making do. At least by working here at the school library via a work-study program, he could get flexible hours around his classes, and he could request a maximum of twenty hours a week. Shitty student wages aside, it’s a relatively cushy job, and it’s usually slow except during finals seasons, and there aren’t that many responsibilities. All Steve had to do was to learn the Dewey decimal system, learn how to shelf read, and be able to lift up to 50 pounds. Easy. That, and of course, deal with thousands of wide-eyed undergrads who come to the library with all sorts of purposes, agendas, and questions.

Meeting people at the circulation desk is a part of the job description. Steve’s pretty sure that he’s good at it. He’s had less than a year of work experience from both Scoops and Family Video combined, but customer service is customer service. If he’s gotta do it somewhere, there’s no debate; in his life full of terrible choices and mistakes, caving in to apply for college with Robin was definitely one of the best things he’s ever done. To his surprise - well, not about Robin, she’s brilliant - they’d both been accepted at the state school, far enough from Hawkins but not too far to visit if he really wanted to. Living with Robin in a tiny two bedroom apartment has been really, really fun, and Steve’s made some new friends, friends who don’t share his nightmares - and they are good, superficial friendships, exactly the way Steve wants. 

Things have definitely changed for Steve in the last few years. For starters, he hasn’t gotten into a fight or had a single bruise on his face ever since he left home. The nightmares, flinching, and flashbacks though - well. He doesn’t think they’ll go away completely, but it’s been so much better as of late, easier and faster for him to push through, and he sometimes even gets two full nights of sleep consecutively. That’s surely a win. 

Sometimes, Steve wonders if anyone from home could even recognize him. He’s lost a lot of muscles, his workout routine now only involving lifting stacks of books. His hair is much shorter now, the back of his neck completely bare these days, but the top of his head is still coiffed for his bangs to fall down effortlessly over his forehead; it still looks pretty good, as Robin always tells him, though it’s not as extravagant and full of ego as his former moniker suggested. This, of course, is by design; Steve does not want to stand out, or be particularly memorable. He’d even thrown out all of his polos from his high school days, opting rather for a simple T-shirt for most days, and his Members Only jacket is probably collecting dust inside Dustin’s closet at the moment (if that little shrimp still kept it for some reason). The only items from his old wardrobe that he’d brought with him were his jeans, because those were expensive, and now he’s got a budget as tight as his favorite pair of Levi’s. 

The biggest difference in Steve’s appearance, he thinks, is the addition of glasses for which he started to feel the need in the first semester of College. Having to wear glasses felt both like an end of an era and simultaneously a new beginning for his identity. Gone was King Steve, the Jockiest of Jocks; now, here in College, he’s just plain old Steve with hidden scars and unspeakable secrets, just like everyone else. Although - Steve doubts that there are too many others here who’d encountered interdimensional creatures and underground Russian spies.

Now in his final year of college - Steve’s not kidding himself anymore. Ever since he’s chosen to major in psychology, it’s become more and more obvious to him that all this change is his defense mechanism - a wall of sorts for him to hide behind - just like how his King Steve persona had been a compensation for his insecurities and loneliness. King Steve served his purpose for the time he was needed; now, in college, Plain Old Steve helps him avoid the attention, popularity, and all the bullshit that comes with reputation and money. Not that the money was ever actually Steve’s. He makes his own living now, his own boundaries, and enjoys his freedom and the quiet. And quiet is good. Working at the library has been perfect for this reason. 

The thing about the quiet life is, though, is that it’s just really quiet. It’s actually really fucking boring, if he’s honest. But still, it’s slow enough that he could do his assignments at the circulation desk, and he’s being paid for his time. Yea, he shouldn’t complain. It’s a great deal. It allows him to live a relatively normal life, being a college student and shit. If the cataloging and shelf-reading and all that desk job shit is a little repetitive, it kind of helps Steve forget about how bored and restless he is. It helps him feel productive, like he’s doing something useful without being challenged too much. God knows how many brain cells he’s lost from those last couple of years back in Hawkins. He needs glasses now to see things, for fuck’s sake.

But, the questions, goddamn it, the fucking questions these kids bring to the circ. This is his fourth year working at the library, and he’s just getting tired, so much that he almost wishes for something insane to happen. 

Steve doesn’t know what he was expecting for this brand-new, three-story library for math and sciences - colloquially known as the ‘science library’ - but since the inventory here is specifically for those fields, things are even slower here than at the main library, especially without Robin working right next to him. Steve wants to feel something again, something that gets his adrenaline going. Maybe less mind-boggling monster bullshit - but something a little bit more than “where can I find books about starting a fire” (excuse me, what?) or “can you please tell the couple downstairs to shut the fuck up?” (and Steve had to go down to tell a pair of horny teens to get a room elsewhere) or “uh, why can’t I find this book?” (because it was released a month ago and they didn’t get a fucking chance to stock it yet, it’s on their list, hold your goddamn horses).

For some reason, they only ask him the most mundane of questions when Steve’s actually busy at work. Once or twice, some girls (rare sighting in this particular library, Steve begins to notice) had come up to the circ to ask if he had the time, and Steve had misinterpreted it as a come-on, then sheepishly just pointed at the clock behind him when he realized that they weren’t asking him out. It was a big fucking clock, totally unmissable. The university has this ugly ass clock in every building in every single room. They must’ve placed a mass order of the same clock and distributed it everywhere. There’s some comfort in its ugliness, though; at least this clock is entirely monotone, and there’s no room for any interpretations other than just the time. The blue does not meet yellow in the west. Steve can live with that. 

-

So, on the last Friday of September when he hears a dude ask “hey, where did the clock go?” that breaks Steve’s razor-sharp focus on the catalogs - you know, it annoys him a little. He was on such a roll. Now he’s lost his rhythm. Damn it.

Steve subtly rolls his eyes and turns his revolving chair around to look at the clock. Or rather, where the clock should be. In its place, a lonely nail sticks out on the wall, markedly without the said clock. Hmm. Seriously, where the hell did it go? Question for the office later. Glancing at his wristwatch, Steve flatly announces, “I guess we have no clock. I’m your clock now. It’s… 12:03,” and turns around to look at the asker’s face, then immediately tears his eyes away. He seriously may burn to a crisp if he stares any longer, it’s like looking directly into the sun, because fuck, dude is pretty.

Steve’s never seen this guy before in the library, main or science, nor around the campus. Granted, there are literally thousands of students enrolled at this school, and it’s only been a month at this specific desk, but still, this is unacceptable - and the dude knows that the clock is missing, so he’s been here before, familiar with the goddamn clock’s location and everything. So how come Steve has never seen him here before? Now that is the real question. 

He cautiously looks up at the dude again, slowly. Dude’s stupidly big dark-brown eyes stare back at him, and he’s tapping on the counters with his multi-ring-clad fingers. Dude has really nice hands.

“Oh! You’re my clock now, huh? This is great news. I much prefer you than the clock, fuck the clock. I’d believe you even if you told me it was 4 in the morning… Anyway, I can use your stapler and stuff, right?” Clock Dude smiles, holding a stack of papers. Dude has dimples in his cheeks - dimples - and Steve decides that maybe he does want to stare directly into the sun, and fuck the consequences.

“Uh, yes, everything there’s for everyone, so,” Steve says in monotone, feeling his face getting warm. He carefully brushes his bangs to the right and watches Clock Dude slide down the counter with a “thanks, babe,” and fuss around with the papers. Dude’s arms are sprinkled with tattoos and, hold on, he totally has a wristwatch himself. Then why - ? 

No. Steve is not going to question him, not going to call him out at all. Dude called him babe. Steve’s earlier endeavors at cataloging are completely forgotten. Now all that matters in the world is observing the way that Dude grabs the stapler and sliding the pages in between, his eyes locking with Steve’s again as he clamps down with a smile. 

“Uh - hang on,” Clock dude says, straining hard as he puts his weight on the stapler again, again, and again. His curly hair, tied up in a messy ponytail, bounces every time he clamps down on it. The stapler shouldn’t need that much force, although being over the top could just be Clock Dude’s default manner. But the upper left hand corner of his paper comes away without staples each time. 

Ugh, of course. Steve knows exactly what’s going on. The office supplies in the library aren’t in a great shape in general—the stapler in particular. It either doesn’t have enough staples, or it has to be yanked opened and adjusted to function properly. Steve’s just replenished the staples that morning, so it has to be the latter issue.

Dude has given up and now is giving Steve help me eyes with a pout. It makes Steve a little giddy, but. Steve didn’t get his reputation for being entirely transparent. Steve Harrington is supposed to be a smooth fucking charmer, even with these nerdy ass glasses, even without the Hair. All he has to do is pretend like he doesn’t care and give a practiced sigh, which he executes beautifully, feeling a little smug about it as he fixes the goddamn stapler. 

“There.” He hands back Dude’s perfectly stapled paper, though the corner of the pages is indented with Dude’s earlier attempts.

“Whoa! Thanks. Are you now my clock and a stapler?” Clock Dude’s grin widens as he shrugs off his backpack, and - okay, maybe it was a mistake to move too close to the edge of the counters, because now Steve can see Dude’s entire outfit, and his jaw drops. Dude’s black band T-shirt - which reads Metallica Tour 88-89 with a bunch of city names and dates - is cropped. Several inches of Dude’s bare midriff are visible, just like that, out in the open. Dude’s torso is lean and toned, and there’s an edge of a tattoo poking out from the end of the shirt, and if Steve’s sight isn’t fucking with him, another one around the V of his pelvic bone, just above his black jeans. Holy shit. If he felt a little warmer in his face earlier, he is now 200% certain that he’s blushing. 

Dude follows Steve’s gaze to the bottom half of his stomach - where the rest of the shirt should’ve been - and smirks. Fuck.

“Hello? Eyes up here, sweetheart,” he snaps his fingers in front of Steve.

“Uh-what?” Steve says, a bit dazed, reeling from the cropped top and Dude’s pet names for him. Not that Steve’s been counting. It’s infuriating how hot this guy is, and he almost forgets what Dude said earlier - oh, right - “Sorry. Uh. Yea. Stapler, clock, I can be whatever you need me to be, if you, uh. If you need anything else,” Steve manages, trying to keep his voice steady and cool. He’s not going to focus on how it sounded the opposite of steady and cool, no siree.

Dude pauses a second at this comment. “No, but good to know,” he says, tapping the pages on the counter to straighten them (why on Earth would he do this? The paper is already stapled, you can’t straighten them anymore), and put them in his backpack.

“Are you - are you checking out anything?” Steve asks, cringing inwards as he detects desperation in his tone - but he’s secretly hoping to scan Clock Dude’s ID in the system. This is a very, very inappropriate idea, he knows. But when he scans someone’s ID to check out an item, the screen would show their general information, like their full name, address, phone number, and their status as a student, their major, what they’ve already checked out, and whether they’ve got any overdue items. Stuff like that. It’s just like Family Video’s user account records.

Or - Steve could also just ask his name casually without scanning. That’s a normal thing to do, right? It’s just being friendly. You know. Would you like to go on a curiosity voyage with me? I’ll be your guide and paddles, I’m Steve Harrington - ugh, no. That’s totally what Dustin would say, and Steve immediately shuts down that idea. 

“Huh. Well, I guess I am. Not any books though, not today. Just—the clock,” Dude says with a cheeky grin. Then he leaves the library without another word.

Steve sits back in his chair, blinking hard. 

Continue reading on Ao3

[sagiow]

15 questions

tagged by @tough-n-dumb, thanks friend!

Were you named after anyone?

Not “after”, per se, but my dad “discovered” my name after making a new friend in the glorious Montreal Red Light Disco District... who turned out to be an Italian exotic male dancer (he never told my mom that’s where he got the inspiration from until 30-some years later)

My middle name is my mom’s because my frazzled, mid-20s, overwhelmed first-time parents hadn’t thought of one before he went to register my birth so he kinda blanked and went with hers and she was pissed off because she doesn’t  like her name.

0/2, Papa.

When was the last time you cried?

Some time in the last month.

Do you have kids?

Two, elementary school age, although the eldest is solidly in his tweens and giving me a fantastic preview of the fun years ahead.

Do you use sarcasm?

Just did, didn’t I?

Actually, much less than I used to when I was younger. Mostly for joking around  or ranting about our incompetent colleagues with my work wife.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Not to sound like a hippie on Main, but I’d say their energy? Their vibe? Some people come off as very warm, and others colder (and some, downright antipathic). Some have this bubbling, crackling energy to them, others are super chill and calm. Some have this spark of intelligence or quick wit about them, and others make you wonder if there’s anybody home. So a bit of all of that.

A smile, greeting and eye contact (can all be super quick, just acknowledge you see the other person) go a long way in giving off good vibes, so we’ll definitely start on the wrong foot if the other person doesn’t do any of those. Be polite.

What’s your eye color?

Brown

Scary movies or happy endings?

I don’t like scary / horror movies with gore and torture. I do enjoy a good ghost story (the Gothicker, the better) and some psychological horror.

Love happy endings although unhappy ones definitely inspire a lot more fanfic.

Any special talents?

I never look at the picture when doing jigsaw puzzles and WILL complete it before you do.

Where were you born?

Province of Québec, Canada

What are your hobbies?

Phew... there’s a few, and they tend to be seasonal. Summer is reading, hiking, baseball, gardening, camping. Other seasons have baking, crochet, watching TV, playing old-school computer games, and getting ready for whatever holiday or birthday is upcoming. Puzzles and writing year-round (if inspiration striked and fellow fans are around!)

Have any pets?

2 cats (and often at least another because we are a foster family to our local rescue), 2 rabbits and 4 3 chicken (found one dead yesterday after that major storm / tornado passed. Her ancient 3 year old heart couldn’t handle it. RIP Matante.)

What sports do/have you played?

Phew... there’s a few there too. I’m always down to play pretty much anything with a ball (beach volleyball! street ball hockey!), but on the other hand, will probably get my Canadian citizenship revoked at some point because I do no winter sport except for snowshoeing and some shitty skating.

I played provincial-level softball and badminton in school. I did recreational synchronized swimming, various styles of dance, varsity basketball. Now, I play softball, tennis (although my dad is aggressively trying to draft me into pickleball), try to get in a game of golf or two per summer (every addition to this sentence makes me feel 10 years older). In non-summer, I practice aikido, and love hiking, especially in the fall.

How tall are you?

5′7″, or 170cm

Favorite subject at school?

History and Drama in High School, Anthropology and some of my Forensics classes in University (”no applied science”, you ask? meh, not really. Science was me playing Life on Safe Mode).

Dream Job?

I would’ve loved to study Anthropology further and become an archeologist (although I did take one Biological / Genetic Anthro class that was absolutely fascinating and made me reconsider Things) but I’d had enough Academia back then. I wanted to get a job, stop being beyond broke, and travel.

Nowadays I get this massive urge to dump everything corporate and move someplace with shorter, kinder winters, ideally not too far from the sea, and get a bunch of goats and chicken, fruit trees and grapevines, grow a shitload of tomatoes and eggplant, bake bread daily, and write in the evenings. Just need to win the lottery first but then I’m makin’ it happen.

tagging (apologies for the double tags if you got them, I lost track) @jomiddlemarch, @tortoisesshells, @fericita-s, @combat-librarian, @divinecomedienne, @luarenah

[astriiformes]

I’m 17, genderfluid, and thinking of applying to Macalester College for college. I saw your pinned post, and wondered if you could offer any insight into how safe the surrounding areas and cities are for an out non-binary/gender nonconforming person. If you can, thank you so much!

(I’m here from @filkyeahfilk, I remembered Pure of Heart from the Pegasus Awards so I’m currently watching that part of the concert posted in October! It’s very good)

Oh, I love the area around Macalester -- the neat store and/or restaurant density over there is high (not what you were asking about, obviously, but an honest testimonial).

As for your actual question, I have been very out as trans/nb the entire time I've lived in the Twin Cities (for better or for worse, I don't really fit in the closet, and a lot of people can tell even before I tell them) and have found it to be a surprisingly positive and affirming experience. There have been exceptions, but I've been surprised by their relative scarcity. I wouldn't isolate that to my own experience, either -- there are a lot of trans and non-binary people in and around the Cities and while I know a few people who've had some difficult experiences, it's also not true across the board.

I can't claim Minneapolis and Saint Paul form a total oasis, especially with general unpleasantness on the rise, but in my time here I've had multiple affirming employers (an escape room that had so many queer people working at it we occasionally had whole shifts with no cis people working, and a science museum that let me wear Pride and pronoun pins on my work lanyard and where I had to tell HR to please issue my paychecks in my legal name because they kept defaulting to my preferred one...) and made lots of other trans/nb (and trans ally) friends, which are the sorts of things that contribute to a general feeling of safety for me -- I can't be sure of everyone's intentions, but if I know my job and the people I hang out with most often have my back, that goes a long way. Neither has been difficult for me living here. The further out you get from the Twin Cities proper the more complicated it gets, although many of the surrounding suburbs, at least, are still safer-than-average places -- and Macalester is sort of tucked halfway between the Minneapolis and Saint Paul downtowns, so it's right in the heart of the Cities.

I've also had good experiences with accessing gender-affirming care through one of the main health providers in the metro area, although if you're coming here as a student, I know a lot of people at my own school get theirs through the university. Not sure what it looks like at Macalester but I'd guess it might be similar. It's definitely been a good state for care even before the issue of bans started cropping up other places, which is probably one reason people were flocking here already.

I hope some of that helps! If you've got more specific questions I can try to narrow things down a bit, but want to make sure I don't overgeneralize my (decidedly positive) experience here to concerns outside their scope.

Also since you mentioned the Pegasus Awards/Pure of Heart, I'd be remiss not to mention that the Twin Cities have a pretty solid filk scene. We've done performances/circles at a couple different conventions which can be hard to find. Mostly not relevant to your inquiry, but maybe an extra little perk! (And also I know the people that run a lot of the filk programming here and they are A+ humans who I can vouch for, if you're worried about feeling safe)

[the-pithy-aaaaah]

This is Florida House Bill 999 (2023).

It was was filed on 2/21/2023 3:37 PM

Since most of the elected officials in the state government of FL are fascits this will pass and will be signed and will go into effect on July 1, 2023. and will IMIDIATELY cause problems, because that's the middle of summer semesters in the Florida State Universty System, who will, under House Bill 999, be in chaos trying to meet the demands of this bill, which are numerous and dangerous.

According to it's summary this bill is:

An act relating to public postsecondary educational institutions; amending s. 1001.706, F.S.; requiring the Board of Governors to periodically review specified information relating to state universities and provide certain direction to such universities; revising the contents of the Board of Governor's strategic plan; authorizing state universities to initiate post-tenure reviews at any time for cause; amending s. 1001.7065, F.S.; revising the academic and research excellence standards for preeminent state research universities; creating s. 1001.725, F.S.; providing requirements for hiring state university faculty; authorizing state university boards of trustees to review the tenure status of faculty members; requiring such boards to confirm the selection and reappointment of specified personnel; providing requirements for certain employment contracts and responsibilities; requiring state university presidents to annually present specified information to such boards; amending s. 1004.06, F.S.; providing that certain entities may not expend funds for certain purposes relating to activities that violate a specified law; providing exceptions; amending s. 1004.6496, F.S.; conforming a provision to changes made by the act; amending s. 1004.6499, F.S.; renaming the "Florida Institute of Politics" as the "Florida Institute for Governance and Civics"; revising the goals of the institute; amending s. 1004.64991, F.S.; authorizing the Adam Smith Center for the Study of Economic Freedom within Florida International University to take specified actions; amending s. 1007.25, F.S.; revising the duties and responsibilities of specified faculty committees relating to general education core courses; deleting a provision authorizing certain course maximums to be exceeded; revising requirements for general education core courses; requiring public postsecondary educational institutions to offer and accept certain credits for certain general education core courses; creating s. 1007.55, F.S.; providing legislative findings; requiring the Articulation Coordinating Committee to submit certain courses to the State Board of Education and the Board of Governors; providing requirements for general education courses; providing requirements for public postsecondary educational institutions and their presidents and boards of trustees relating to general education courses; providing an effective date.

As it is written in the text of the actuall bill, the above is a single 2 page long sentence. I have adjusted the formating by adding paragraph breaks after each semicolon because I can't read it clearly as written in the bill.

It is February 24, 2023. This bill, as I said earlier, most likely going to pass. This is a problem both because of it's deadline and because of it's content. Just one of the many things not explicitly made clear in the summary is that it will require universities to report on its highest and lowest performing degrees with regards to job placement to the board of governors.

It also will efectively end tenure and make professors volunerable to the whims of both the board of governors and the individual university presidents.

It redefines "preeminent research institution," a thing with an industry standard definition, and will hand that title out to Universities that meet the new state definition (this will trick potential students into applying to schools that are NOT in fact preeminent research institutions)

Everyone should just go read page 13 where they kill the DEI programs, and tenure, and contracts for administrators.

There's this paragraph starting at the bottom of page 19 that does the exact opposite of what it's commanding and will lead to accrediting issues (a thing the institutions are already concerned about because the governor is already requiring a change in accrediting body)

General education core courses may not suppress or distort significant historical events or include a curriculum that teaches identity politics, such as Critical Race Theory, or defines American history as contrary to the creation of a new nation based on universal principles stated in the Declaration of Independence.

This paragraph exists on page 22

The Legislature finds it necessary that every undergraduate student of a public postsecondary educational institution in the state graduates as an informed citizen through participation in rigorous general education courses that promote the values necessary to preserve the constitutional republic through traditional, historically accurate, and high quality coursework. Courses with a curriculum based on unproven, theoretical, or exploratory content are best suited to fulfill elective or specific program prerequisite credit requirements, rather than general education credit requirements.

This is not education this is indoctronation. This is using edicational institutions as a politial weapon. This is facism. This is not JUST Ron DeSantis, and what Ron DeSantis is doing is not JUST putting on a show for voters.