#ex-lutheran

[thatstormygeek]

Within the last couple of months, for the first time in my life, I started to consciously think that maybe I actually kind of deserve to just...exist? Like, I don't have to earn my life - it's okay to just live. Not going out there hurting anyone. Just taking care of my pets and my family and having my little life.

Of course, in that time, I've also had the cops called to my house for a "wellness check" and had my water shut off without notice or warning. So it kinda feels like the world is disagreeing.

[imlocalatbest]

my newest linocut

18x24

[violasmirabiles]

grandma gave me an icon and a 2004 newspaper article about the original

[squeesquoo]

Whoops 😬

[am-i-a-boy-or-a-crybaby]

Iscariot

6

I am sitting behind you in the church and you are the coolest person I know. I watch you sit perfectly still as I fidget with the hem of my dress; it doesn’t fall low enough. I wish I was like you, the model grandson, in the pews dressed in your nice shirt and pants. I like it when we are told we could be twins, even though I know it’s not true. We’re pen pals, but I dream about moving closer because we are the best of friends.

12

I am sitting in front of you. You look me in the eyes and say the one thing I wish you wouldn’t. One sentence leaves your mouth and I start to grab at my jeans, they’re too tight, they are beginning to hug my body in a way that I’m supposed to like. I am angry beyond words, so I don’t say anything. I just stare at you as you walk away. I don’t understand how you can be so heartless when all I’ve ever wanted was to be like you. I no longer want anything to do with you.

18

He’s dead. We sit next to each other during the service, a silent olive branch. I fidget with the cuff of my suit jacket as you stay a still as possible. I feel oddly comfortable sitting in the pews despite the circumstances, but it’s as though if you move everyone will see that you are more like me than you know. We haven’t spoken in six years, I doubt we will for at least a couple more. Neither of us let go of more than a tear or two, we are men after all.

-grayson h

[f4rfields]

i love watching tradcath convert dorks scream and cry and throw up about basic-ass concepts in catholicism bc it's always just like. so funny.

why do you go to the tradition and authority-based form of christianity bc you want more tradition and hierarchy and then lose your mind over the tradition and hierarchy being too traditional and hierarchical for you? you signed up for this, dude!!!

[illnessfaker]

is it contentious to say that people need to rid themselves of the idea that christianity is a white, western religion. genuine question.

[trekwanderer]

My mother is trying to guilt me into going to my sister's confirmation at the old church I used to attend. I'm having so much anxiety over this. I refuse to go, I will never set foot in that church again. I have so much trauma and anxiety. I told her to respect me and my feelings. Honestly terrified of her response, why am I still so scared of her?? I'm 29 for fucks sake.

[hiddenbysuccubi]

It can be calming but I've rectified this by knowing the Wiccan Rede and by finding a Wiccan replacement for the Lord's Prayer that I grew up with. Goddess hold me in your arms tonight, Keep me safe until morning light, And if one more thing that I may pray, Please keep me safe throughout the day. (optional) Under the Maiden, Mother, Crone By the power of 3x3, An ye harme none so mote it be. It's been remarkably simple and useful in replacing the "our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is heaven" bit that I was made to kneel and recite at bedtime as a child.

Knowing the Lord's Prayer and the Hail Mary has so far in life been so useful in so many unexpected ways

[asordidbarwere]

showed my dad my angel hare fanart (because i'm proud of how it turned out/he likes to see my art) and now i'm afraid he thinks i've become a christian

[bug-juices]

Why do I have Quran posts all over my tumblr dash I’ve been reblogging sad gay people and like softcore porn

Not hating just wondering what algorithm decided I was the target audience

[faggotkelpie]

Lutheranism is like a homemade catholic church.

It's got the rituals, choreography, recitations, stained glass, (do catholic sanctuaries have organs?), fancy symbolic displays.

You just never need to know about actual people

[silverskye13]

just binged all of redstone and skulk in one go. HOLY SHIT!!! i left some comments on ao3 but that wasn't enough. i needed to come to your tumblr too bc this fic has Changed Me A Little. it makes sense- i've been subscribed to you on ao3 for a while (remember hound's tooth? i think that was when i started following your writing. and monsters splitting hairs, although i'm not quite caught up on that one), and that was for a good reason- but tanguish and helsknight are something else! part of why i like fanfiction is because i get to see more of characters i already like- it takes a special fic to get me so invested in characters i've basically just met! and you do it so well! like. the subtle character things! the way i can pick out the hermits' (and martyn's, but i'm calling him a hermit for the sake of convenience) traits in the helsmits, but warped and twisted around like a funhouse mirror? fantastic. i love it. im eating that shit up. the ilttle differences and similarities between tango and tanguish, helsknight and wels (bc he isn't acting very knightly right now), impulse and the demon- it's so cool to see! i also saw the other ask you got where you talked about your process, and how you give your characters a list of traits as a guide to writing them- i'm definitely going to have to borrow that trick. it works! so well! it shows in your writing in the consistency of how the characters behave!

some other thoughts i had while reading:

helsknight being religious probably has a lot more to do with him being a knight than wels being a lutheran irl (which is where his name comes from and i find that hilarious), but still. if it's unintentional it's hilarious and if it's on purpose then it's a fun easter egg!

i relate to and understand tanguish, because i too would want to befriend helsknight, and also because if a bunch of big scary people basically adopted me and tried to teach me how to use a knife i would be so pathetic about it.

i relate to and understand helsknight and tango, because tanguish is the weirdest little cat ever and i too am captivated by his pathetic little freak charms, and i want to be his friend.

i neither relate to nor understand wels, because 1) if i saw my friend's presumably-evil counterpart skulking around the shopping district i would likely call them first (just seems like the polite thing to do, and also bc if helsknight showed up and the ppl who found him didn't call wels about it i feel like he'd probably be more than a little pissed), and 2) look at tanguish. he's just a little guy. he's a little guy and it's his birthday. how could you be mean to him.

tl;dr: redstone and skulk has compelled me to the point that leaving comments on ao3 wasn't enough, i needed to ramble straight into your inbox because it's just so good.

Oh my gosh! Firstly: thank you for all the kind words! I'm glad you're liking my writing so far, and thank you both for the comments and the scurry into the inbox. I love hearing people's thoughts, even if I don't have the spoons to respond to everyone all the time :'D

For your bullet points:

-- I didn't know Wels was Lutheran! I knew he was ex-military, and at least in my family's trends, military and religiosity go hand in hand, so it makes sense. But still! Learning new fun facts! I know nothing about the Lutheran Church [I was raised Baptist.] Probably gonna do some reading later.

-- I feel like Tanguish is going through that phase of "all the biker/military uncles have decided I'm one of them for some reason" and as someone who has gone through that before, for the same baffling non-reasons [used power tools in their presence once, a la Tanguish barely participating in a fight once] I sympathize. Very interesting somewhat scary people. Why did you invite me to sit at your table. Why do you keep slipping me tequila and buying me knives like I'm in on the joke.

-- Tanguish is such a specimen we all just want to look at him under a microscope. He is so scared yet so brave. He thinks knives are scary but he leaps off buildings. He's scared of getting hurt and seeing blood but he has no regard for his personal safety. How do you fit so many oxymorons in such a tiny body---

-- Wels please, he's a little guy and it's his birthday! Stop bullying him!!

Addendum: I agree Jackrabbit is very Tanguish coded. It is now on the playlist.

Want to live like an animal?

By the skin of your teeth?

Put your good face on, you're foolin' no one

You're a jackrabbit underneath

One step forward, step right back

Run for the hills, honey, run for the hills, honey

Run for the hills, don't look back

[jasper-borealis]

traumatized Ex-litergical Lutheran here.

you don’t need to read this, I adore your work, just feeling a lot of emotions so here’s my thoughts

cw. Religions trauma, self harm, general mental illness.

your comics bring out a lot of…mixed feelings sometimes. On the one hand, I adore religious history, the occult aspects of faiths, and how every religion influences aspects of each other. Your art brings a fun and fresh take on a lot of it, and I really really enjoy it!

Now as much as I love religious art, for example I collect rosaries and have a orthodox icon on my gallery wall, and I still sing some of the hymns of my youth, I am well and truly done with anything to do with the version of Christianity I grew up with. I was dashed against the rock of ages, I was burned and scared by the flames of Pentecost, I was choked with the sacred wine. I went to a progressive Lutheran church and sang in their choir as a part of an activity with my community choir I’m a part of last Sunday (long story) and that was…one of the hardest things I’ve done in awhile. hearing the same hymns, following the same liturgical practices and structure, hearing the same confessions and creeds, well and truly felt like I was back in the furnace…

but this time, the furnace was colder, more subtle, instead of pouring the molten lead down my throat as I screamed for forgiveness, the words of the priests where more like a slow heat, still striking the same points, but more gentle…

and I fucking hate that in that moment as I listens to those confessions, and those words…I felt that calling again. like the slow claws of a abuser slowly rubbing your shoulders as they tell you they will treat you better…but, even if they did…I still am burned, my wings and well and throughly shredded and cut, I will never be able to fly across the jordan to that place of peace…not only did the church I grow up in ground me, but I myself ripped out my own feathers and screamed out for God to strike me down. I would daily beat myself, fantasizing in vivid details all the punishments I would face once I met the reaper…all the torture, pain, and screams…it honestly became a fucking…like, fetish. I would just focus on what I was going to get when I died, how I would be counted as one of the goats at the final days.

So that’s why I honestly am kind of…jealous of queer Christians. I wish I could have the comfort, the rites, the community you all have…I still crave it myself.

Maybe one day I will be able to move on from the scars The Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod carved into my flesh, if some aspect of worship of the Devine is a part of that? I’m open to it…but not right now.

TLDR your art is amazing, and brings me comfort knowing that there are queer Christians who have been able to carve a path for themselves…but that is not a path I am on at this moment. Maybe one day, but not right now.

I’ve gotten a lot of messages from people about how my comics have affected how they view themselves and their sexuality, but ngl, I always wondered if they ever affected someone religiously.

Like finding a closer connection to God, realizing Christianity isn’t for them, following another religion, etc.

[andthekitchensinkao3]

Let the WIP Games begin! :3

Thank you to @temporary-enthusiasm for the tag 😀

rules: reveal the titles of the documents in your wip folder and tag as many people as there are documents. Let others ask questions about the ones that interest them and post snippets or explain the contents as you see fit!

Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I have soooo many WiPs I’m not gonna be able to tag as many people on here. XD It’s not even a humble brag, I’m just a mess of a 40-year-old with too many ideas and not enough time to put them all down in writing. But I’m working on it! One idea at a time. :3 So bear with me, everyone. Moar HankCon (and other pairings) will be in all our futures.

The Kamski Experience - When a team of struggling documentary filmmakers get an invitation to the secret location of Elijah Kamski's newest stab at hospitality, they expect an exclusive peek into the mind of the reclusive genius.

But when the work weekend turns into a deadly game of chess with a masked serial killer, they must each pass a personally customized death trap in order to escape - or die trying.

Wayfarer - AU take on the movie Passengers, but if it were a thriller and the main character and love interest were more equal partners right from the start.

When You’re a Stranger - AU take on the movie Deliver us Fom Evil, in which Connor is a homicide investigator with a psychic streak, and Hank is a (derobed) Lutheran priest now working as freelancing exorcist.

Heart/Soul - set five months after the end of the game. Starting with Connor taking a leap of faith on stage, declaring his love for Hank with an old power ballad from the '80s.

Monochromat - a story set a few months after my first massive HankCon fic, Metamorph; When androids first start disappearing for no apparent reason, there’s no obvious signs of foul play, but then android bodies start showing up all over Detroit. Android life and death semantics aside, it would seem there is a serial killer on the prowl.

Then, to make matters worse, one of the original leaders of Jericho suddenly goes missing without a word. Hank and Connors Mark I and II find themselves racing against the clock, with too much evidence and too little time.

Gambit - another what-if kind of fic branching off a chapter of Metamorph.

... ... ...

And then there are the ones I haven’t even started posting yet. >_>

DBH x Dragon Age Inquisition AU, in which Hank is a former Templar and Connor is a mage on the run. Set right after the botched Conclave.

Mr Stern’s Criminal Conundrums - a silly, fun Ms Fisher’s Murder Mysteries AU in which the honorable Mr Connor Stern is an elegant bachelor by day and all-out flapper fabulosity at night. Solving crime and making men swoon all hours of the live-long day. His ever present adversary-cum-ally is Lieutenant Hank Anderson, who doesn't need this kitten heel/fancy frock BS in his life (but secretly loves it).

Plotbunny Hank/60: At CyberLife Tower, Hank shoots the wrong Connor and completely breaks down. As a direct result, Connor-60 begins questioning everything he thought he knew.

Runaway Man - A The Fugitive (movie) AU, in which Hank is wrongfully accused of killing his ex, and Connor is tasked with hunting him down.

The Mummy AU - with Librarian!Connor and Pilot!Hank tracking down an ancient ruin to retrieve an heirloom of Hank’s (or something far, far worse ;) ). Something he lost a veritable lifetime ago. Featuring ridiculously rich Elijah Kamski headed to the same ancient site in order to find something far more interesting - an artifact promising eternal life; and the Jericho Four as a gang of troublemakers who may or may not be out for the same thing (or just stopping Kamski). Everyone has secrets, and nobody’s safe from whatever lies waiting in the depths of the ruin.

I have woefully neglected two raffle fics I started as well, but more on them in a different post. <3

Last but not least, I have a whole sentence of a PWP that never went anywhere (yet): “One of Connor’s favorite things to do in the bedroom, was watching Hank fuck himself using one of his dildos.”

I TAG EVERYONE WHO FEELS THUS INCLINED LOVE YA! <3<3<3<3<3

[moonssugar]

im actually very pretentious about fantasy religions if ur gonna make a fantasy christianity please combine aspects of existing groups and get weird and sexy and insane wit it and please make up your own shit that has never existed and could theoretically but also dont mix up things that are theologically inconsistent or call x group another when theyre clearly closer to y group bc i will know and i will not be pleased that you didnt do basic wikipedia research. you dont have to exaggerate the bad things churches do the real life horrors are way more compelling to explore and need to see the light of day. if i see you taking obvious insp from one denomination and putting it on another with no consideration with how they actually work im suing you for medical damage. cant tell anyone how churches differ theologically? go back to square one. there are no marian statues in a baptist church. no anglicans are not the same church as the catholic one. yes lutherans and methodists are different. no orthodoxy and catholicism arent the same. no most protestant churches dont have priests. no you dont have to copy and paste the cultish aspects of mormonism into your mainline protestant or evangelical church i promise you its already weird enough you just need to look deeper. but please do go apeshit on mormonism though. they all have specific psychological effects and theyre not the same effects literally ask the people that left. the flavors of trauma will differ ex christians are like baskin robins ice cream. and finally if youre critiquing a religion and your critique isnt vague enough to apply to all of it — get specific. dont just throw spaghetti at the wall, talk your shit but talk it well. i should know exactly what bitch youre talking about so dont be afraid to name drop. much to be said about fantasy christian based cults in media but thats another post