#thomas started disliking henry early on in the season

[cosmic-walkers]

The show is basically telling us that Henry is already disillusioned with Thomas, he already sees no use for him anymore. He has slowly been distancing himself from Thomas, and leaving Thomas at the mercy of the other nobles because he himself, is starting to dislike Thomas. The comment about making Thomas and his family rulers of England, put Thomas in an extremely hot spot with the other nobles and Henry knew that, and he didn't come to protect him or explain what he meant. The Pole business has been one of the main factors running the relationship between Thomas and Henry.

However, it also has to do with outside factors as well. Obviously, there are people - like Stephen whispering into Henry's ear about Thomas, and that is putting Thomas in the hot seat.

But then it is, as Wolsey said - when Henry fucks up, who is going to be blamed? Thomas.

Henry realizes that his empire is crumbling by his own hand, but he is putting it on Thomas. At this point, France is an enemy to England, and historically, the pope has given any Catholic nation the right to invade England. Henry has been declared an enemy of the Church, and despite him breaking away from Rome, excommunication terrifies him; being seen as an enemy of Catholicism terrifies him, and it has happened.

And then, there is the pilgrimage of grace; the show pretty much brushed over this. But over 20,000 people were in open revolt against Henry due to the reformation, the destruction of the monasteries, the changing religion, etc. Henry's own country is turning against him, other monarchs and nations are turning against him, France - whom is envious of, is possibly going to invade him. And in his mind- it is Thomas' fault. thomas talked him into the reformation, Thomas guided his hand, it was Thomas who passed laws and legislations; it is Thomas's fault. Even tho in reality, Henry wanted him to do all of those things. Henry praised him for it, for the money it gave him, for the power he felt he had to change the religion, etc.

It's Henry's fault, but to Henry it's Tom's fault, and he'll make everyone know. So add all of that to Henry's mind, and then here comes Stephen, the ex-situationship, who is not only visicous, but is determined to make Thomas feel the same way he did before he was sent to France, but WORSE. He is on his own revenge quest against Thomas, and he is not just here to shame Thomas, he is here to kill Thomas. That is the creepy part, he literally wants Thomas dead.

Thomas's LAST chance, is the marriage. Thomas has already lost value in Henry's eyes, he is already looking for and has found a replacement for Thomas in his mind, he doesn't need Thomas any more, and what is worse is that Thomas is a liability. SO yeah, while I initially believed their relationship fell apart when he lost his temper at him, it fell apart away before.

And oh yeah Henry hates Lutherans LOL keep that in mind

[doomonfilm]

Review : Joker (2019)

Cesar Romero transformed the character from an idea on a page to a villain on the screen.  Jack Nicholson made the character cool.  Mark Hamill gave the performance that most fans resonate with to this day.  Heath Ledger pushed the boundaries of method acting, tainting the character with real life tragedy.  Jared Leto made a mockery of the character.  If the early critical and audience reactions mean anything, Joaquin Phoenix may soon be king of the iconic titular character of his latest film, Joker. 

Aspiring comedian Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix) spends his days as a clown for hire at Ha-Ha’s, a day-labor company where Fleck floats from gig to gig picking up a fast buck.  After being attacked by a group of kids, Arthur’s co-worker Randall (Glenn Fleshler) gives him a gun so that he can protect himself.  When not working, Arthur cares for his sick mother Penny Fleck (Frances Conroy), who spends her time watching late-night TV host Murray Franklin (Robert De Niro) and writing mysterious letters to billionaire Thomas Wayne (Brett Cullen).  After meeting single mother Sophie (Zazie Beetz) and inviting her to a comedy show, Arthur is soon fired from his job when a gun falls out of his pant leg during a performance at a children’s hospital.  While riding home from his firing, Arthur is accosted by three businessmen on the subway, and in an act of self-defense turned murder, he kills all three.  The killing gives Arthur a sense of purpose and self-understanding that he had yet to experience, sending him on a path of chaos and destruction, all in the name of further self-understanding.

Joker is an incredibly unique approach to an iconic character, and a breath of fresh air in terms of a character study in terms of execution.  Due to the history of the Joker character in terms of his clear actions set against his purposely vague origin, we are presented with what I’ve dubbed a ‘front-loaded backstory’, where we are searching for starting points to understand and connect to the Joker moments we know so well.  Much of that is presented in terms of Arther Fleck’s mental disorder that he shares with his mother, his mother’s deception in regards to her connection with Thomas Wayne and Arthur’s familial origins, and how Arthur views society at large.  His laugh is connected to his disorder, his garb and clown makeup is attributed to his former job and comedic aspirations, and his undying connection to Batman is further enhanced due to a purposefully messy origin story.  His nihilistic nature is really what is focused on and explored in Joker, as Fleck learns that his wiring causes him to find pleasure in what should be pain, while simultaneously inspiring many in similar positions to take to the streets in protest of the same things that scare and sadde Fleck. 

The world that Todd Phillips creates was the most fascinating part of the film, in my opinion.  The classic Warner Brothers logo and titling make the film feel old, as well as the color timing and some of the costuming, but there are many modern day elements present as well, like the Wayne subway system or the graffiti found throughout the city.  Gotham and Arkham Asylum are both mentioned directly, but there are many heavy allusions to New York as well : the sanitation workers strike, the rat epidemic, and Fleck’s bizarro-world Donald Goines style killing all echo New York more so than fictional Gotham.  Wall Street is even mentioned directly in regards to the three Wayne Enterprises workers.  There is also a nice mix of direct and indirect (in my opinion) references to a handful of films... Taxi Driver and You Were Never Really Here need no explanation, nor does The King of Comedy (which works subtly due to the Fleck character, and directly due to Robert De Niro appearing in both films).  Some of the more unique references, however, are found when we take a closer look at Fleck... his connection with his mother and their fascination with TV gave me Requiem for a Dream feels.  His delusional nature and the way he projects his thoughts onto the world felt similar to Jacob’s Ladder at times.  Even Fleck’s self-aggrandizing dances, specifically the one he does in the bathroom after finding his power in the wake of killing the Wayne Enterprises workers, gave me feels of John Cusack’s dance he does for Catherine Keener after bedding her in Being John Malkovich.  All of this texture, combined with the blurring of lines between Gotham and New York, is really what makes this film work.  

On a technical level, this film is an astonishing achievement for Phillips, and one that shows incredible growth as a director.  The dark, reality-based humor from some of his lighter films is present, but the laser focus on it puts it front and center as the driving force that inspires his Fleck character.  The brooding score is offset by unique, upbeat music cues, bringing a manic-depressive feel to the soundtrack of the film.  Phillips uses EXTREMELY subtle touches to differentiate between Joker’s real and delusional moments, but the subtlety is so nuanced that it is not always immediately obvious in regards to the nature of what we’re seeing.  Joker’s wardrobe and makeup dance around the traditional presentation of the iconic comic and film character for the majority of the film, eventually landing on something that is close enough to the standard presentation, while still being unique to the world created by Phillips for Joker.  The textured city, as well as the unclear time/era of the film due to allusions to real moments in New York history, gives the narrative an uncanny valley feel while we search for something distinguishing to hang onto the film in terms of era and location. 

While many have been surprised by the depth of Joaquin Phoenix’s performance, it seems to me that he channeled the best parts of his performances in The Master and You Were Never Really Here in order to hone on in the troubled persona that alludes to the creation of the Joker.  Robert De Niro brings the charm of a late night host and comedian that translates into a sort of fatherly inspiration for the Fleck character, paralleling the characters as diametric opposites, and fueling the fire for their eventual meeting.  Frances Conroy is a living mirror to hold up against Phoenix in terms of the troubled mindstate he portrays, and the possibility/inevitability of his future.  Zazie Beatz is used mostly in an accessory manner, but her presence helps stir the pot of confusion in terms of reality and delusion, based on her demeanor.  Brett Cullen brings a darker, sinister and less humane feel to the Wayne patriarch, symbolizing human greed and power more so than class and admirable qualities.  Glenn Fleshler allows himself to wallow in a swinging, two-face nature that sways from ‘friend’ to ‘foe’, sometimes within the same conversation, towards the Fleck character and his coworkers.  Bill Camp and Shea Whigham get to dive into the old school NYPD detective energy, channeling films like The French Connection despite their small role.  Brief appearances by Marc Maron, Leigh Gill, Josh Pais, Brian Tyree Henry, Douglas Hodge, Bryan Callen and Justin Theroux (uncredited) round things out.

I think due to my personal connection with Heath Ledger’s career (and my personal dislike of it), and the way he won my respect in his portrayal of the Joker, he will always be my choice for the best.  That being said, Joker is a true shining achievement on the level of Logan in terms of how it takes a superhero/comic property and turns it into a gripping, emotional film.  As much as I’d like to see a Joaquin Phoenix-style Joker butt heads with a Robert Pattison-portrayed Batman, I am willing to accept this project as the beautiful one-off that it has been advertised to be.  Definitely worth seeing, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it makes some noise when awards season arrives.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I need to start new period dramas. Can you list your favs like which you recommend most? (Ive seen Reign) Thanks!

Sure!

Spartacus--set in Ancient Rome, obvious during the Third Servile War.  This is actually one of my top... five?  three? favorite shows of all time.  It deserves INTENSE trigger warnings for basically everything--gore, sexual violence, torture.  I will say that a lot of the general gladiatorial violence is purposefully over the top--originally because the show couldn’t afford realistic effects and they were like “fuck it, let’s go OTT and embrace it” and later because it basically was the Aesthetic.  Lots of slo mo and AAAARGGGGGHHHHs!!!!  Also a surprising amount of sensitivity towards the trauma the characters endure.  Like.  This is one of the only shows that I feel deals with trauma correctly for the majority of the characters.  They never really... “heal” in that unrealistic soft way.  But they do live.  It’s also surprisingly diverse, and the female characters are EXCELLENT, both the heroines and the villains.  The villains are so well-done too.  Well-developed without being portrayed as justified or excused.

Rome--set during the rules of the First and Second Triumvirates.  Definitely a “must watch” period piece.  It really set the tone for many that have followed, and few have matched or surpassed it.  It’s great drama, has one of the best female villains on TV of all time. I do really, really dislike its version of Cleopatra.  As a whole.  But I loooove its portrayal of Octavian and Antony, so--what’re you gonna do?

Vikings (season 1-2............................................ maybe season 3 in some spots though that’s still gotta fuck ton of issues)--set in early medieval Scandinavia.  Not a good show now, but I really loved it for the first couple of seasons and I think that those seasons, especially the first two, are still worth watching. Really, the ending of season 2 is quite final in a lot of ways.  So you could watch it like that?  Vikings was an extremely odd and trippy show in the first couple of seasons as well, which I enjoy seeing blended with its period piece setting.  It also has some really cool fight scenes and music.

Medici: The Magnificent--set in early-to-high Renaissance Florence.  Okay, so technically this is season 2 of Medici (the first season is called Medici: Masters of Florence) but season 1 frankly... sucks.  And season 2 has only one or two hold-over actors, and it’s set a couple of decades after season 1 ends.  It is, for all intents and purposes, a whole new show.  I love it.  This is a soapy show, and not every actor is greeeeat but Daniel Sharman is FANTASTIC in it, and so are the villains.  I really can’t emphasize how much I love Daniel Sharman in this role--and not just because he’s hot.  It’s also lovely to look at for the most part.  I really love the men’s costumes on this show too?  And the Pazzi Conspiracy is pretty well done.

The Borgias--set in High Renaissance Rome.  Oh, this show.  I loved it SO HARD once.  And I don’t anymore.  It’s very flawed.  But it’s fucking BEAUTIFUL in some scenes, and while it’s not the way I want the story of the Borgia family to be told, it does have some great moments, and some great performances for that matter.  (They should have let Francois Arnaud go Full Evil with Cesare, but whatever.)  It’s soapy.  There is an actual canonical incest pairing, and it’s played as totally romantic.  So heads up on that.  But this show did shape a part of me, so I can’t totally complain.

The Tudors--set in Renaissance/Reformation/post-Reformation England.  This show is so bad in some parts?  I still refuse to say that Jonathan Rhys Myers is putting on a good performance as Henry VIII. Because I don’t think it’s good acting.  But it’s like.  Entertaining.  There’s a scene where he’s like, trying to pole vault over a pond or something and he’s like “watch me lads this’ll be rad” and he just... ends up in the pond.  I think he gets sick and ends up screaming.  He does a lot of screaming.  But the women are very good in this!!!  Maria Doyle Kennedy and Natalie Dormer kill it in the first two seasons, and Tamzin Merchant is so good at playing up more than just the sexy lil thing role that this show wanted to give Katherine Howard.  She put a lot into fleshing her out.  I would say that the first two seasons are like, fun soapy shenanigans with a few genuinely good beats, and the last two are kinda dull except for when they relate to the downfall of Thomas Cromwell (who is very well played in this show) and Katherine Howard.

The White Queen/The White Princess--set during medieval England.  Do I recommend?  No.  No I do not.  Is it kind of incredibadly watchable at times?  Yes.  These loosely related minseries monstrosities are like, horrible feminism, horrible costuming, and occasionally really fucking good performances.  It’s about the Wars of the Roses (TWQ) and the early reign of Fuckboi In Leather Pants and A Pirate Shirt Henry VII.  Also, Richard III is a goth in this series.  There will be another installment, The Spanish Princess, once again with a whole new cast, very soon.  It will be about Catherine of Aragon.  Supposedly.

Versailles--set in 18th century France.  This does for Louis XIV what The Tudors did for Henry VIII.  But it’s marginally better because George Blagden is a better actor than JRM, and Louis XIV actually seems like he has a brain sometimes, and is generally an evil plotting cocker spaniel with his gay brother.  A typical episode of Versailles is basically Louis XIV having Somewhat Awkward Sexual Tension with said brother as they snipe at each other, until they agree to be friends and rule the French court through psychological manipulation.  Louis gives somewhat an absolutely withering glance.  They commit suicide before him.  Everyone is wearing a mask.  I mean, I have fun with it.  Though there is a VERY CRINGE STORYLINE in the beginning that is based on a VERY CRINGE LEGEND that always makes me hesitate to recommend it.

Alias Grace--set in 19th century Canada.  Essentially, this is a thriller and a period piece.  A doctor learns through a series of interviews about the heinous murders that Grace committed while a servant in a rich man’s house.  I really like this show’s exploration of class divides and women’s relationships with each other.  It’s preeeetty dark.

North and South--set in industrial England.  I always describe this as like...  Pride and Prejudice if Darcy had a more sexual vibe and was more working class, and if Elizabeth was tbh.............................. a bit dumber, if well-intentioned.  I love it.  The smoldering gazes.  The secretive glances.  The classic “woman rejects man’s marriage proposal, man is a broken husk” scene.  It’s great.

The Crown--set in twentieth century England-present.  This is one of the GREATEST DRAMAS EVER, frankly.  Like.  This show takes objectively petty arguments and turns them into something super epic and intense.  It’s all about the strength of the acting and the writing.  There is only one episode in the two (so far) seasons that disappointed me.  Plus, this show looks intensely expensive.  

Peaky Blinders--set in Post WWI Birmingham.  First two seasons ONLY.  But oh, they were great seasons of TV.  This show is about a crime family, and I absolutely love crime family dramas.  It also features Grace Burgess, one of my favorite characters ever.  She is a lady cop who sets out to seduce the main character, head of aforementioned crime family.  For The Law.  That is all.

Hopefully, this is a good starting point--ngl, most period pieces drop in quality after a couple seasons, so it’s hard to give a wholehearted recommendation.  

[ladyhatty]

The Wives of that asshole Henry

TV show idea: it's King Henry VIII but as a modern mob boss. I've been thinking about this all morning so y'all get to read it. Season 1: Catherine of Aragon. Henry is running his little mob family. We found out he got put in charge after marrying the daughter of the regional mob boss Clement VII (I clearly have no idea how these things work) Catherine Aragon after his brother, her former husband, died leaving him in charge. He's off cheating on her but it's a show marriage so whatever. Enter pretty little Anne. He's super in to Anne who's surprisingly good at the business side of things. She starts staying with him while Catherine is off staying with her family for a bit. Anne gets pregnant and insists Henry Marry her. He gets a new second in command who encourages him to step away from the Aragons and just be their own family. End of season he divorces Catherine and marries Anne as a bit statement of his leaving the family to make his own.  But the Aragons family stays on as a main antagonist for the series.

Season 2: Anne Bolyeon. Season starts with Anne pregnant and  they're a happy sweet loving couple, him tying up loose ends while taking her to dr.s appointments and setting up the nursery but the episode ends with Elisabeth being born early. Between Elisabeth being born preemie and Henry now being the head of his own major family (blah blah mob politics) they are super rocky. As the season goes along it gets worse, she's refusing to be a polite little wife and wants to be  working on mob things (someone else would really have to write these bits!) but he wants her at home taking care of the baby and his first daughter Mary and just generally being a trophy wife. He takes a lover so she takes a lover. He moves in his new lover, Jayne partially so someone can take care of his daughters, while Anne runs to her brother. blah blah lots of violence and intrigue and Henry has Anne taken out in the final episode after rumors spiral that she's sleeping with her brother(we drop the "because she couldn't give him a son" bit because it's awful and was really only speculation anyway. She was officially arrested for the supposed adultery and incest thing)

Season 3: Jane Seymour. The first episode is disturbingly similar to the start of season 2 with Jane pregnant this time and ending with Edward born early. We flash back to their wedding in the second episode and that's where the season goes forward from. They actually have a pretty happy marriage though we see some cracks as she's trying desperately to be the perfect wife as rumors start that he had Anne killed. This season focuses more on the mob side of things with Jane being more in the background. She struggles being a step mom, he's still dealing with stuff from the Aragons and the hits he put out last season. The season ends with a second part to the first episode. Baby Edward is rushed to the NICU with Henry by his side while Jayne dies from complications in the birth.

Season 4: Anne von Cleaves. We see a distraught Henry dealing with his very sick son while morning the loss of his wife. Everyone is telling him he has to hire staff to take care of the kids  as he's starting to slip on the mob side of things. Meanwhile he's trying online dating in a fun filler episode to give everyone a break from the depressing start to the season. We see him go on some dates that can mimic some of the other important women from history at that time, but we also see him chatting a lot with Anne (yes another one, only because they're historically accurate can we get away with the names from here on out) a pretty model of famed photographer Hans Holbein. They mostly talk online or on the phone, they vaguely meet at Hans' art opening  and he proposes then and there. When she moves in he realizes how much of her was fake for her career. She's actually kind of awesome, has her own interests, not as pretty under the makeup, Henry is pissed. It turns into a big message about the "WoMeN ShOuLdN't WeAr MaKeUp iT's ChEaTiNg nonsense" They quickly dissolve the engagement and she goes back to work while his eye turns to the pretty little nurse who's been taking care of baby Eddie through all of this.

Season 5: Catherine Howard (it's all Catherine's from here on out folks) So once again single we think "oh he'll focus on work now and getting shit back under his control." We'll have just wrapped up some plot with a rival from the Aragons named Cromwell who tried to woo Anne von Cleaves giving Henry a chance to finally take him out. And the season will start that way but with lots of flirting with his nurse maid Catherine. (we're making her in her mid 20's instead of 17) She seems like kind of a ditsy flirt, super pretty, good with the baby, but not much going on upstairs so possibly a great fit for Henry since she won't cause trouble. We see the daughters, Mary and Elisabeth, going to highschool and drawing further away from their father especially disliking his new girlfriend. As Henry and Catherine start a romance we see her background, she's a brilliant and talented young woman (obviously, nursing school is not for the faint of heart) abused by her high school music teacher Henry Mannox who teaches her that as a pretty girl she doesn't have to work for anything just give men what they want and they'll take care of her. This is doubled down in college when the head of her department, Francis Dereham, coerces her into a relationship in return for easy A's. He has mob ties and get's her the job with Henry. We see Henry and Catherine have a short engagement and marriage as Henry is super busy, some new upstart or whatever. He's gone a lot and Catherine begins a friendship with his second in command, Thomas Culpeper. He pushes her into starting a relationship with him. Culpeper uses his relationship with Catherine to try a coup against Henry and he has them both killed.

Season 6: Catherine Parr (yep even spelled the same way, I cannot make this shit up) We start with one of those episodes that doesn't seem like it has anything to do with the series, about characters we've never seen before. Tom Parr is a rich businessman who start's making some bad choices, false in bad with the mob, the episode ends with him introducing his daughter to Henry while he's trying to get just a little longer to pay his debts. It's been a couple years since Catherine H. and Henry is completely smitten with Catherine P. He offers her father that is he convinces Catherine P. to marry Henry all the debts will be forgiven. Catherine P. is already engaged to a woman, Jane's sister. (It was through the Seymours that Tom met Henry int he first place) Catherine P. spends a heart wrenching episode having to decide between her love and duty to her family. Duty wins, she marries Henry, her father's debt is forgiven and she resolves herself to her situation. She tries to make the best of things, convincing Henry to invest in projects she believes in, helps him reconcile with his now grown daughters, convinces him to stop putting so much pressure on his sick son and just let the kid live a life. The rest of the season is Henry taking Elisabeth under his wing to take over as the next head of the family.

The movie: Liz I. 6 seasons and a movie baby! Elisabeth taking over for her father after his death (probably diabetes or a heart attack, dude was notoriously unhealthy) lot's of parallels to her actual life. Tie up those loose ends. See Catherine P. remarried finally with Jane's sister and happy, taking care of Eddie for the rest of his life. Touch back in with Anne and her career and Catherine A. and what she's been up to all these years blah blah happy ending they'll try to revive it in 10 years and it will be horrible.

If you actually read all of this you are AWESOME! I had a lot of fun writing it. I've been listening to a ton of Six: The Musical all about Henry's wives and this idea has been floating around in my head and just needed to get out somewhere!

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 7 Extravapalooza

With the way the COVID-19 situation in America (and lots of other places around the world) is rapidly heading in the wrong direction, I’m beginning to genuinely wonder if the NFL is going to have to pause the season for a few weeks as some states potentially decide that the gatherings that come with staging a football game are less than necessary. 

Once the league decided to start the season as scheduled, I figured there was no way they’d stop the train once it began lurching forward, even if some unlucky teams were forced to start someone like Brian Hoyer at QB instead of their normal guy. Ahem. But, I also didn’t think things would deteriorate virus-spread wise quite to this degree. I was really giving us as a society way too much credit, it would appear. Given the resistance to the first round of shutdown measures, I think there’s a real possibility that shit could hit the fan in a way few of us have seen before if another batch were implemented, but it seems like the only option going forward for some places if they don’t get their shit together. Our choices in the very near future appear to be: court massive civil unrest spurred on by the very worst among us, or do nothing and let many of those same people carry disease to every corner of the country as hospitals become overwhelmed and people die alone and miserable. Hooray for letting the dumbest assholes dictate the courses of everyone else’s lives. 

Now for some football picks!!!

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Detroit Lions at Atlanta Falcons (-2)

Ah, a team who recently fired their terrible head coach against a team who desperately needs to. I’m glad it finally appears to be dawning on Detroit’s offensive braintrust that D’Andre Swift is the best RB on the team and thus should get the bulk of the touches. You could even say he deserves the LION’S SHARE. Sorry. 

I was ready to declare Matt Ryan officially washed heading into last week’s games, but then he went out and threw for 371 and 4 TDs against the (admittedly trash-ass) Vikings defense, and now I just don’t know. Does having Julio Jones in the lineup really make that much of a difference for him? Maybe! This game should be enjoyable slop and I don’t have any strong leanings one way or another. I’ll pick the Falcons just because a Lions loss gets them one step closer to freedom from their dipshit Goomba-from-Mario-Bros-lookin’ motherfucker of a head coach.

Cleveland Browns (-3.5) at Cincinnati Bengals

I like to make fun of the Browns just like everyone else, but I’d prefer to see less digital ink spilled on QB Baker Mayfield’s crappy play and more celebration of DE Myles Garrett instead. Garrett is AWESOME. Through 6 games he has 7 sacks (2nd in the NFL) and 3 forced fumbles (also 2nd in the league), and those numbers don’t fully capture how disruptive and nightmarish he is for opposing offenses most weeks. Sure, he maybe tried to kill a guy with his helmet last year, but c’mon. That was just a harmless little goof. No reason to hold it against him, in my opinion. Like, have you seen what Mason Rudolph looks like? He had it coming.

I feel bad every time I pick against Joe Burrow because I want he and I to be friends, but *points to previous paragraph about how Myles Garrett swallows planets whole*.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Tennessee Titans (-1.5)

Last week I wrote a whole big thing (with stats to back it up!) in the Titans blurb about how Derrick Henry wasn’t playing well and was potentially wearing down, and then he proceeded to rush for over 200 yards and 2 TDs, including an unreal 94-yarder. I concede that I may have been misguided, and that attempting to use research is for lameass nerds. That said, I HIGHLY doubt he’ll have a huge day against the Steelers defense, but the combo of Henry and the Ryan Tannehill-led passing game should be able to put up enough points to win. 

These teams are both very good and very evenly matched, but I don’t want to pick Pittsburgh because I actively dislike them. You won’t find that kind of analysis on Football Outsiders, friends.

Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (-7)

New Orleans will be without WRs Michael Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders for this one, and I think QB Drew Brees is too far over-the-hill to make chicken salad out of the chicken shit that remains in their group of pass catchers. RB Alvin Kamara is great, but he can’t do it by himself. Oh, and speaking of Michael Thomas, a report came out yesterday that the Saints are open to dealing him. This report came from Mike Florio, so grain of salt and all, but it did lead to me reading a rumor that Thomas’ teammates hate him and secretly call him “Can’t Stand Mike,” a play on his “Can’t Guard Mike” Twitter handle. I found this hilarious and very much want it to be true.

Let’s raise a glass to Panthers backup RB and fantasy football savior Mike Davis, as his gravy train likely comes to a halt after today with the impending return of Christian McCaffery. The New Orleans rush defense is very good, so I don’t see him going out in a blaze of glory, but his out-of-nowhere statistical bonanza deserves to be celebrated.

Buffalo Bills (-10) at New York Jets

LOL Jets Head Coach Adam Gase still hasn’t been fired despite losing 24-0 to Miami last week. What’s it gonna take, I wonder? A second consecutive shutout may do it, but the Bills defense has been terrible, so it’ll take a real commitment to ineptitude for the Jets to put up their second squadoosh in a row. NY QB Sam Darnold is returning to the lineup, but he’s going to be without his best weapon, WR Jamison Crowder. I honestly feel terrible for poor Sam, as he was drafted into the worst situation I can remember. At least David Carr was hit enough that he likely doesn’t remember ALL of the bad stuff. 

Nearly all of the Bills’ TEs are in the COVID-19 protocol, so I’m not sure how they’re gonna address that. BRING BACK JAY RIEMERSMA!

Dallas Cowboys at Washington Football Team (-1)

The Cowboys being underdogs against Washington is hilarious, even more so because it’s justified. I thought QB Andy Dalton would do a decent job leading the Cowboys offense last week against Arizona, and I was very, very wrong. I still think he can get his shit together somewhat, but the ceiling for this team has been lowered to “Darren Sproles might have to duck a bit” height. I can only condone watching this game for schadenfreude purposes, but even that’s stretching it. Any more than a quarter is just straight-up masochism.

Green Bay Packers (-3.5) at Houston Texans

I’m simultaneously excited to watch this game and struggling to come up with anything novel to say about it. I’m interested to see how Green Bay deploys their awesome CB Jaire Alexander, as whichever Texans WR avoids him is likely to be peppered with targets. Shoutout to Will Fuller’s hamstrings for holding up so far and allowing him to kick ass. 

As of right now it looks like Green Bay will be without studly RB Aaron Jones and sexy touchdown beast TE Robert Tonyan, which isn’t great. But, if there’s one opponent where you should still be ok using a backup RB, it’s the Houston Texans and their atrocious rush defense. Wait, why am I picking Houston? Whatever, fuck it, the heart wants what the heart wants.

LATE GAMES

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-5) at Las Vegas Raiders

A couple of days ago, it looked like the entire Las Vegas offensive line might miss this game due to being placed on the COVID-19/Reserve list. As of this writing, all those beefy boys are cleared to play, which is good news since they’re going against Tampa Bay’s top-shelf defense (ranked #1 in defensive DVOA). Even with their full compliment of offensive personnel, I still predict many hilarious angry and frustrated faces from Jon Gruden.

Tampa Bay has decided to sign WR Antonio Brown, despite already having two Pro Bowl-caliber receivers in Mike Evans and Chris Godwin. It’s pretty clear this signing was done entirely because QB Tom Brady wanted it, as Brady has been pushing for his team to sign Brown going back to last year in New England. It’s so weird, Tom Brady doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would advocate for an emotionally unstable and supremely narcissistic accused rapist who’s left multiple organizations in disarray upon his unceremonious departure.  

Kansas City Chiefs (-7.5) at Denver Broncos

Fuck yeah, our first potential snow game of the year! The gametime forecast as of right now calls for 5-degree windchill temps with a 35-40 percent chance of flakes throughout. That sounds horrible to play in, but glorious to watch. If we don’t get at least one shot of steam rising off of an offensive lineman’s head I’m gonna be pissed. I’m curious to see what Kansas City does with newly acquired RB Le’Veon Bell in this game. He’s definitely played in more winter-weather games than my boy Clyde Edwards-Helaire, so do they give him more carries this week than they would normally? I hope not, but I can definitely see the argument for it.

San Francisco 49ers at New England Patriots (-3)

I’m a little shaken (relatively, I’m not a complete lunatic) by how shitty New England, and Cam Newton in particular, looked against Denver last week. The lack of practice time due to multiple COVID-related outbreaks is a valid reason for it, but still. I think the Niners are the much better team when healthy, but they’re gonna be missing their best RB Raheem Mostert for this game (and the next few), which does impede their power-run game somewhat. Backup Jerick McKinnon is still very good, he just has a different, less-demoralizing style. Handsome Jimmy will have to make some plays, and I think he can do just enough. The overall talent gap will be too much for NE to overcome, I fear.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Los Angeles Chargers (-7.5)

The Jags have lost five straight games coming into this one, while the Chargers have dropped four in a row. Something’s gotta give! I will say that the Jacksonville losses seem more depressing (3 of them were by double-digits), while even though L.A. is losing, they at least feel exciting. A shiny rookie QB who looks decent will do that, I guess. Still, I’m riding with my man Minshew to cover one last time here. If he fails, well, I think it’ll be time for us to go our separate ways. “Separate Ways” by Journey is also what plays in Gardiner Minshew’s helmet speaker instead of play calls, coincidentally. 

SNF: Seattle Seahawks (-3.5) at Arizona Cardinals

Seattle’s already abysmal secondary is going to be down Pro Bowl safety Jamal Adams for this one, so Cards QB Kyler Murray should be able to sling it around with relative ease. His best weapon, WR Deandre Hopkins is Questionable with a lingering ankle injury, but he’s been playing through it so far and it hasn’t seemed to slow him much. I think this is the week the magic runs out for the Seahawks, and they take their first L of the season. Russell Wilson can’t bail them out EVERY time. Probably. This game is likely to be the stylistic opposite of the Monday nighter, because...

MNF: Chicago Bears at Los Angeles Rams (-6)

...all signs point to this being a butt-ugly game. I like good defense, don’t get me wrong, but nobody should purposely watch Nick Foles and Jared Goff play QB against competent defenses. I suppose I can see some entertainment value in getting to see both Aaron Donald and Khalil Mack torment quarterbacks in the same game, but I think I’m gonna pass for the same reason that I don’t really like to watch animals get eaten in nature shows. I get that it’s the way things are meant to happen, but damn. I’m a real wimp, by the way.

Last Week’s Record: 7-7

Season Record: 44-38-4

[junker-town]

Every first-round pick in the NFL Draft, graded with a pass or fail

Photo by NFL via Getty Images

Geoff Schwartz has a different kind of grading system, based on which player was drafted and who was still available.

For all the pre-draft talk about trades, surprise picks, and overall wildness, the top of the 2020 NFL Draft went as chalk as it can go. No one traded up in the top 10, and there wasn’t an unexpected pick until the middle of the first round.

Things got a little more unpredictable after that.

Instead of assigning every first-round pick a specific grade — which Dan Kadar already did — I went with a different approach. I gave them all a pass or fail grade, depending on who was drafted and what other options there were.

1. Cincinnati Bengals: Joe Burrow, QB, LSU — Pass

Duh. This was the clear choice for the Bengals. Burrow had one of the best college seasons of all time. The intangibles, the leadership, showing up in big games, and his ability to find the hole in the defense and attack it — all elite. This was always the pick, and the Bengals didn’t bungle it.

2. Washington: Chase Young, DE, Ohio State — Pass

Double duh. Young was the highest-graded player in the draft for most people. It’s hard to find pass rushers out of college with multiple refined moves. He’s also able to counter well, including a spin move. Pair him with Ryan Kerrigan, and Washington has a formidable pass rush.

3. Detroit Lions: Jeff Okudah, CB, Ohio State — Pass

The Lions didn’t screw this up. Can you find me an elite defense without an elite corner? Nope. And with Darius Slay gone, Okudah can be that guy. He loves to tackle as well, which can be uncommon with that position. The Lions had to make this pick to get their defense back on track.

4. New York Giants: Andrew Thomas, OT, Georgia – Fail

Look, this grading scale is harsh. I don’t think it’s that bad of a “fail” for the Giants, but there were better tackles on the board. Drafting Thomas means they’re moving Nate Solder to right tackle, which isn’t a position he’s played much in the NFL. Thomas needs to work on his hand usage, which is doable because he’s got awesome footwork and ability to recover. If Giants were looking for a left tackle, Mekhi Becton was available — and is better.

5. Miami Dolphins: Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama — Pass

I’m the biggest Justin Herbert fan there is. But this pick was a coup for the Dolphins. They entered the 2019 season attempting to Tank for Tua. It didn’t go as planned, and they ended up with the fifth pick. Despite reports the Dolphins were looking to move up, they never did. They stayed at No. 5 and drafted a dynamic talent in Tagovailoa. Injuries are a concern, but I think they had to pick him over Herbert.

6. Los Angeles Chargers: Justin Herbert, QB, Oregon — Pass

If you had to choose a spot for Herbert, this would be it. First off, there’s no pressure right now for the Chargers. They are the 11th team in Los Angeles. Herbert needs time to fix some of his issues, and he can do it sitting behind Tyrod Taylor. His weapons were nonexistent at Oregon, and now he gets Keenan Allen, Mike Williams, Hunter Henry, and Austin Ekeler. This is a great situation for him.

7. Carolina Panthers: Derrick Brown, DL, Auburn — Pass 8. Arizona Cardinals: Isaiah Simmons, LB, Clemson — Pass

There were both best player available picks. It’s hard to argue with the Panthers grading Brown higher than Simmons, who played multiple positions in college. I will say the explanation from the Panthers about why they chose Brown over Simmons is rather odd, though:

The Panthers liked Clemson LB Isaiah Simmons a lot at No. 7 and he was the best pure athlete on the board, but they felt he was a better fit for a veteran team because of his ability to play so many positions. So they went with Auburn DT Derrick Brown,... https://t.co/Wfu6yhMSgv

— David Newton (@DNewtonespn) April 24, 2020

9. Jacksonville Jaguars: CJ Henderson, CB, Florida — Pass

At this point in the draft, Henderson might not have been the highest player on the board, but he was high enough at a position of extreme need. I think the Jaguars did the right thing. They could have overdrafted a wide receiver or an offensive lineman, but this was the best call.

10. Cleveland Browns: Jedrick Wills, OT, Alabama — Fail

The Browns need a left tackle. Wills has never played left tackle. He played right tackle in high school and in college. I understand people will say it’s because of Tagovailoa, who is left-handed, but Wills also played right tackle with the right-handed Jalen Hurts.

I’m fortunate to be well connected in the offensive line community, and I can’t find one person who thinks he would be a slam dunk at left tackle. I don’t know why you wouldn’t draft a pure left tackle. You have to hope Wills follows the path of Tyron Smith, who played right tackle in college and made the switch in the NFL.

11. New York Jets: Mekhi Becton, OT, Louisville — Pass

The Jets must have been thrilled when Becton dropped to them. Becton has the highest upside of any offensive tackle in the draft. He can be special, and the Jets need someone like Becton to help protect Sam Darnold.

12. Las Vegas Raiders: Henry Ruggs III, WR, Alabama — Fail

The Raiders had their choice of wide receivers and took the one who’s the least polished and most likely not a No. 1 guy. Of course they did. They took the speed guy with great run-after-catch skills, instead of a better receiver like Jerry Jeudy or CeeDee Lamb.

13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Tristan Wirfs, OT, Iowa — Pass

Tampa Bay ended up with a fantastic offensive lineman, and it only took trading up one spot to get him. While Wirfs won’t start at guard, he might end up there. He can be a terrific OT, but he could be an All-Pro OG eventually. Wirfs has excellent balance, power, and core strength.

14. San Francisco 49ers: Javon Kinlaw, DL, South Carolina — Fail

I don’t get this one honestly. In my opinion, it doesn’t help the team get better. The 49ers already have an outstanding defensive line. They could have used a wide receiver, a future left tackle when Joe Staley retires, or a defensive back. You can say this is a best player available pick, and I can’t argue that. But again, I’m not sure how this helps them get back to the Super Bowl.

15. Denver Broncos: Jerry Jeudy, WR, Alabama — Pass

This is a home run for the Broncos. A guy they coveted the entire process, and the Broncos didn’t even have to move back for him. Jeudy is another weapon for Drew Lock and another upgrade this offseason for Denver’s roster.

16. Atlanta Falcons: A.J. Terrell, CB, Clemson — Pass

Given where the Falcons were picking and what they needed, Terrell makes sense. He plays the type of press corner that works in the Falcons’ scheme. You could debate the Falcons could have waited to draft a DB, but they weren’t getting a top-flight talent in the second round.

17. Dallas Cowboys: CeeDee Lamb, WR, Oklahoma — Pass

The Cowboys can’t have enough weapons for Dak Prescott. There’s not much more to say. Lamb was the best player still on the board at that position.

18. Miami Dolphins: Austin Jackson, OT, USC — Fail

Jackson needs some work. He’s young and has potential, but he has to improve his technique and get his play strength up. The problem I have with this pick is Jackson will most likely play right away, and he’s not ready fo that. There’s too much recent history of drafting “high upside, raw technique” guys early and expecting them to play, and then it not working out.

19. Las Vegas Raiders: Damon Arnette, CB, Ohio State — Fail

It’s hard to find many people who had a first-round grade on Arnette. It just feels like such a Raiders pick when everyone is trying to figure out why a player was drafted so high. The draft is about finding value and the Raiders failed to do that twice.

20. Jacksonville Jaguars: K’Lavon Chaisson, Edge, LSU — Pass

The Jaguars need pass rush help, and Chaisson was the best player left on the board who can rush the passer. With Yannick Ngakoue probably out the door, this makes complete sense.

21. Philadelphia Eagles: Jalen Reagor, WR, TCU — Pass

This is a great pick for the Eagles’ offense. Reagor is on the smaller side, but he’s super quick and fast. He’s an excellent fit in the West Coast offense, which relies on shorter passes with longer runs.

22. Minnesota Vikings: Justin Jefferson, WR, LSU — Pass

I think this is a huge steal for the Vikings, getting a weapon like Jefferson. Jefferson might be the third-best wide receiver — fourth at worst — in this draft class.

23. Los Angeles Chargers: Kenneth Murray, LB, Oklahoma — Pass

The Chargers traded back into the first round for Murray, who’s a great fit for their team. The Chargers have improved their roster this offseason and if they hit on Herbert, they could challenge the Chiefs in a few seasons.

24. New Orleans Saints: Cesar Ruiz, C, Michigan — Fail

I don’t dislike this pick that much, but it just feels unnecessary. The Saints didn’t have many holes to fill, and Patrick Queen was still on the board. I had assumed Ruiz would move to OG because current center Erik McCoy played well as a rookie, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. It just feels like a luxury pick.

25. San Francisco 49ers: Brandon Aiyuk, WR, Arizona State — Pass

Aiyuk can fly and is a great route runner. He’s going to be a perfect receiver for the 49ers’ offense.

26. Green Bay Packers: Jordan Love, QB, Utah State — Fail

WTF, Packers? You just went to the NFC Championship Game and then use your first pick on a QB who won’t play for years. You needed to get Aaron Rodgers help at wide receiver, and he’s on the hook for at least two more seasons. This feels like such a waste of a pick, especially on a QB like Love, who has to grow so much to be an elite QB.

27. Seattle Seahawks: Jordyn Brooks, LB, Texas Tech — Fail

On the list of team needs, a box linebacker is like 15th on that list. I have no idea what the Seahawks are doing. They could have taken an offensive tackle or a pass rusher. It just makes no sense.

28. Baltimore Ravens: Patrick Queen, LB, LSU — Pass

The Ravens get the guy they wanted the most. Queen is exactly what the team needed at linebacker. Queen can move so well laterally, and he’s going to fit well in this scheme.

29. Tennessee Titans: Isaiah Wilson, OT, Georgia — Pass

Wilson is a giant human and should slide right into the Titans’ run-based offense. He is a better run blocker than a pass protector at the moment, and he can be hidden in pass protection for now. Good pick.

30. Miami Dolphins: Noah Igbinoghene, CB Auburn — Pass

Honestly, I don’t have much here. I don’t pretend to be a guy who dives deep into the cornerback position. Twitter seems to like the pick, so I’ll roll with it.

31. Minnesota Vikings: Jeff Gladney, CB, TCU — Pass

Ditto what I said above. He was graded as a first-rounder. He went in the first round. Good for me, especially because it fills a big need for the Vikings.

32. Kansas City Chiefs: Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB, LSU — Fail

WHY WHY WHY? Don’t draft a running back in the first round!

It’s so counter to everything the Chiefs and Andy Reid have done. I don’t get it.

[daikenkki]

You know what? I'm going to talk about Thomas, the books and the show. I want to share my thoughts on it all. Read this if you want, or ignore it, I don't care. The Railway Series was clever. What set it out from other children's books was its age-wide appeal. When writing the stories, Wilbert Awdry did have the children's thoughts in mind, but also those of the adults, who would have to read these stories an untold number of times. So, unlike the basic sentences or "fantasy" worlds, Wilbert kept it close to reality. Think about it, if the engines and vehicles didn't have faces, you could easily take the series as being real. All accidents were based on fact, and the engines acted like engines. They didn't have hands, or bent around. They acted like real locos, but felt human. They have all human emotions - joy, sadness, anger, envy, you name it. Characters would often bicker. They didn't always get along. There was a sort of locomotive hierarchy on Sodor, with big express engines at the top, and grubby shunters at the bottom. Despite being children's books, the Railway Series was never afraid to go to more mature areas. Scrapping (death) was occasionally mentioned, along with other darker tones. And the language. How many children do you think knew words like "deputation", "indignation" or "sagacity" before reading the books? That's what made the books clever. It was a series for children, but why stop at appealing to just them? Obviously the TV series soon followed. Allowing a new generation to meet Thomas and his friends, but also letting the adults, who have known the early books, reunite with their old friends. Being older, obviously one sees that the series is made with models, but to young children, it seemed real. I hope I'm not alone here when I say I used to think Sodor was real. I remember being 4 or 5, and seeing a helicopter high overhead and thinking "It's Harold! He's going to Sodor! I wish I could go too!". Britt Allcroft, David Mitton and all the other team members clearly cared for Thomas. Seasons 1 and 2 kept to what the Awdrys have written. But they would soon run out of stories, they even commissioned Christopher Awdry to write a book so they could have stories to use. Obviously, they would soon have to make their own stories, and with Season 3, they did. It did lead to some controversy. Wilbert wasn't happy, because it strayed from his books and some of the new stories weren't the railway realistic world previously established. Episodes like "Henry's Forest" stuck out. Yes, they weren't super accurate, but still tried keeping the balanced, real world of the seasons and books prior. With Season 4 they went back to the "real" routes. "Rusty to the Rescue" was controversial, in that it ignores the Bluebell Railway routes of Stepney and having Rusty star was an odd choice, though it helped the season flow from narrow to standard gauge. A few flukes, some may say, but all in all, true to Thomas' routes. Sadly, in March 1997, Wilbert Awdry passed away. After that was the series' first major change, Season 5. Praised by some, disliked by others, but it has to be agreed. Season 5 was the first to shake the series' formula. No RWS adaptations, while not as a bad thing, it was the first of many changes for the show. Then came "Thomas and the Magic Railroad". It flopped. No longer was Sodor the realistic railway, but now supported by magic. Magic. Keeping an island of 6 (then 9) engines running aimlessly about, with a human population of 1. Engines can now drive themselves, no engine crews needed. The movie failed. Britt Allcroft soon had to sell Thomas, and in the eyes of the public, it was now just another kids show. Season 6, ignoring TATMR, tried to keep on like Season 5, but without the dark tones. It was a cosy, and friendly world now. Then, Hit Entertainment bought Thomas. Season 7 was in production, but changes clearly showed there, with the new title "Thomas & Friends", and helped teach kids that friendship matters. Don't be rude or disrespectful, but help one another, and be a team. It was now plainly shoving the morals. But it was more apparent with Season 8, Hit's first season. Engines now travel where they please, no one is assigned to one branch line, engines roll around light or with silly loads. Fish in open wagons, huge sailboats on a flatbed, balloons, streamers, all sorts of things. It had extra runtime for episodes, but it was basic now, a show just for kids. It slowly fell from season to season. Yes, it wasn't completely terrible, there was still the odd good story. But it wasn't the realistic, complex world it was. Toy sales started to drive parts of the show. Characters who appear once, have 5 different merch lines sell them, and never appear again. It had to make money. It had lost its charm. It dropped further with the CGI switch in "Hero of the Rails" and Season 13, becoming even more kid-friendly, the 3 strike plots were more frequent, morals were pushed more, and everyone would always be happy and smile. If someone was rude, they had to learn their lesson at the end. The realism went away again, with more aimless driving, the drivers apparently being driven by the engines, not the other way around. Thomas was at a new low. Of course, it didn't last. Mattel then bought Thomas, changed the formula again, by bringing in a new head writer, Andrew Brenner, who had previously worked on magazine stories, which were the basis for some Season 3 episodes. Brenner and his team brought life back to Thomas, they made it feel more real, kept to its roots, Sodor started to feel like it was a real railway again. Yes, it wasn't perfect, but miles better than what came before. In 2015, the RWS turned 70, and was a great year for the franchise. It even gained another special, "The Adventure Begins" to mark the anniversary. Thomas was getting back to what it had been, continuing with Season 20 and a little of Season 21 as well. Come 2017, and it suddenly fell down. With Mattel in full creative control, toys would be made, but they wanted to cut corners, redesign TrackMaster to be cheaper to make, redesign Take-N-Play to be cheaper to make, start forcing ridiculous scenes in specials so that big playsets can be made, because gotta make money. Then Thomas Wood happened. Why paint the full model? Saves money on painting parts. Oh, and let's get rid of TNP, rework the couplings, released as a new range called Adventures. They introduced new toys, that weren't so comparable with the older stuff, so people didn't buy as much. Mattel then thought redesigning them again would fix the problem. They got lazy. They wanted Thomas to generate stacks of cash, but it didn't, so they cut corners. Mattel started to waver, they needed more money, so they redesigned the show as "Big World! Big Adventures!" which also saw Edward and Henry scrapped from the main cast for two new female replacements named Nia and Rebecca, designed to please the extreme feminist groups who slammed the lack of women in the series. The series had been going for what, 33 years? All of that was Thomas and his friends on Sodor, with the occasional trip to the Mainland. But it failed to make enough money, so Mattel sent Thomas round the world to China, Australia and India, for a new marketing opportunity to make more money. It was said the team were stuck with keeping the stories on Sodor, but were they? BWBA fixed something which was never broken to begin with, they ignored what was established, they ignored everything, except Thomas and minority-pleasing international characters. They feel having him tour the world will make the series better, but that's not the true Thomas. First of all, the characters are a mess. Thomas loves his friends, yet he is fine with ditching them in an instant? It wasn't thought properly, just dived right in. Thomas was a world with talking trains, as real as possible. It had age-wide appeal anyone could enjoy. It wasn't a fast-paced bouncy kiddies' show. The Season 22 finale taught kids about numbers and counting, which is something those other shows do. Thomas is now just a run-of-the-mill kids' show, where being trains is a hindrance, and lost everything that made it special. They kept trying to change Thomas, even when it didn't need changing, and now Thomas has forgotten what it was, and run its course.

BeattieWell

[sensitivefern]

Nine-tenths of the best poetry of the world has been written by poets less than thirty years old; a great deal more than half of it has been written by poets under twenty-five. One always associates poetry with youth, for it deals chiefly with the ideas that are peculiar to youth, and its terminology is quite as youthful as its content. When one hears of a poet past thirty-five, he seems somehow unnatural and even a trifle obscene; it is as if one encountered a graying man who still played the Chopin waltzes and believed in elective affinities. But prose, obviously, is a sterner and more elderly matter. All the great masters of prose (and especially of English prose, for its very resilience and brilliance make it extraordinarily hard to write) have had to labor for years before attaining to their mastery of it. The early prose of Abraham Lincoln was remarkable only for its badness; it was rhetorical and bombastic, and full of supernumerary words; in brief, it was a kind of poetry. It took years and years of hard striving for Abe to develop the simple and exquisite prose of his last half-decade. So with Thomas Henry Huxley, perhaps the greatest virtuoso of plain English who has ever lived. His first writings were competent but undistinguished; he was almost a grandfather before he perfected his superb style.

[H. L. Mencken, Prejudices, Third Series]

===

On Verrazzano’s next stop, the Maine coast, the Abenaki [wanted] steel and cloth – demanded them, in fact. But up north the friendly welcome had vanished. The Indians denied the visitors permission to land; refusing even to touch the Europeans, the passed goods back and forth on a rope over the water. As soon as the crew members sent over the last items, the locals began ‘showing their butttocks and laughing’. Mooned by the Indians! Verrazzano was baffled by this ‘barbarous’ behavior, but the reason for its seems clear: unliek the Narragansett, the Abenaki had long experience with Europeans.

[1492]

===

High-tech hybrids dominate today’s $1.4 billion strawberry industry, which almost exclusively produces, distributes, and purveys FX ananassa, the bright-red, firm-skinned, ever-in-season, disease-resistant, bulbous, pulpy, and tasteless supermarket species. We’re talking cultivation-friendly fruit, the fruit that doesn’t bruise when it ships, the fruit that looks irresistible under the lights of Bernie Gelson, Stew Leonard, and King Kullen. Fruit like the Heritage raspberry, a variety that Cornell university invented and released in 1969, which has since become the most widely grown red raspberry in the world.

[A Short History of the American Stomach]

===

Farmers dislike hawthorns not only because they invade pastures and require bulldozers to eradicate once they become established, but also because they often host fungal and insect parasites of fruit crops. Many if not most of the common insect pests on hawthorn also reside on apple and pear trees. Overgrown pastures that contain hawthorns mixed with orchard trees provide ideal habitats for this interchangeable fauna.

===

❚'Heavens to Murgatroyd' is American in origin and dates from the mid 20th century. The expression was popularized by the cartoon character Snagglepuss - a regular on the Yogi Bear Show in the 1960s, and is a variant of the earlier 'heavens to Betsy'. Despite etymologists' best efforts there isn't any record of the phrase that predates the cartoon series and it seems quite likely that it was coined by the show's writers. Heaveans to MurgatroydAs with Betsy, we have no idea who Murgatroyd was. The various spellings of the name - as Murgatroid, Mergatroyd or Mergatroid tend to suggest that it wasn't a reference to an actual person but just a fanciful expression made up because it sounded wacky.

Sarah Silverman To the excited-to-pounce, smelly condescending cunts who say ima dummy 4 seeing swastikas in street markers: ...I'm seeing swastikas in everything fratboys. It started w Bannon's rise & festered when trump decided not 2 mention Jews re the Holocaust.

Guy At Gym Has Precious Little Diary To Keep Track Of All His Exercises

People who eat a gluten-free diet may be at risk for increased exposure to arsenic and mercury -- toxic metals that can lead to cardiovascular disease, cancer and neurological effects, according to a report in the journal Epidemiology.

There's a multi-billion-dollar industry devoted to products that fight signs of aging, but moisturizers only go skin deep. Aging occurs deeper -- at a cellular level -- and scientists have found that eating less can slow this cellular process. Recent research published in Molecular & Cellular Proteomics offers one glimpse into how cutting calories impacts aging inside a cell. The researchers found that when ribosomes -- the cell's protein makers -- slow down, the aging process slows too. The decreased speed lowers production but gives ribosomes extra time to repair themselves.

Adele broke her Grammy award in two after saying it belonged to Beyoncé 'I can't possibly accept this award...the Lemonade album was just so monumental'

WASHINGTON (AFP) - Playboy is bringing nudity back, a year after it told its models to put clothes back on.

The Sad State of Rock at the Grammys

Bobby Freeman, of ‘Do You Want to Dance,’ Dies at 76 Mr. Freeman was 18 when he wrote and recorded the 1950s pop hit that became his signature. Artists from the Beach Boys to Bette Midler covered it.

That time Colonel Sanders met Alice Cooper, 1969

TIL that Buzz Aldrin's first words on the Moon were "Beautiful view."

Hays bald eagles OK after wind storm destroys tree, nest