#midwestern queers

[thatstormygeek]

In a lot of ways, today is the same as yesterday. I live in Missouri, so I've been aware that I'm surrounded by repubs. It's....shocking? seeing just how much of the country is happy to vote for a fraudulent rapist, but ultimately the country we're living in today is the same one as yesterday. We just see it more clearly now.

And my dogs don't know or care who is president. They need fed and want to play and go for walks no matter what I'm feeling.

I closed a lot of tabs. I've been considering writing a piece on the folks who are lost when organizations embrace bigotry and how those silent departures hollow out the core, but I don't think that's a thing that anyone is going to be interested in for quite some time. Oh well.

The very tarnished silver lining of this election is clarity, I suppose. Trump was extremely explicit about the type of person he is and the way he wants to run this country. That so many people saw that and said "hell yeah!" is something that is good for us to know.

I still wish it could be different, don't get me wrong. But we must take what is, not what we prefer.

But also

[thatstormygeek]

Within the last couple of months, for the first time in my life, I started to consciously think that maybe I actually kind of deserve to just...exist? Like, I don't have to earn my life - it's okay to just live. Not going out there hurting anyone. Just taking care of my pets and my family and having my little life.

Of course, in that time, I've also had the cops called to my house for a "wellness check" and had my water shut off without notice or warning. So it kinda feels like the world is disagreeing.

[thatstormygeek]

It's so depressing to scroll through fb and see my friends who were deep into intersectional feminism reposting radfem content. And they don't see it for what it is because the "man bad; woman good" framing is everywhere.

This is what happens when capitalists get their hands on any concept. Fat Acceptance became Body Acceptance became Body Positivity became fucking Dove Real Beauty ads. Feminism was much easier, honestly. Especially with all the "lean in" crap in the early twenty-teens.

Girl Power. You Go Girl. Shero.

Package it all up in bright pink (which implies strength, rather than the traditional softness of pale pink) and glitter. Manufacture some pink tool sets.

There were already entire industries devoted to telling women they weren't good enough, but if they bought this vacuum/cleaning solution/cigarette brand/razor/makeup/cleanser/moisturizer/breakfast cereal/yogurt/deodorant spray/feminine hygiene solution/laundry detergent/etc. their lives would be complete. It takes almost nothing to tweak the message a bit, and suddenly women aren't safe unless they buy this pink keychain pepper spray/this alarm system/these locks, unless they use these apps and services that "protect" them by walling them off into subscription-based "security."

Just - it's always useful to stop and ask yourself who benefits. Who benefits from this divide between men and women? It's not women. It's not men. (it's definitely not all of us who are neither) Who is it serving? Again, not women. Not men.

The patriarchy is not men. The patriarchy is an oppressive system that harms everyone who lives under it. Those few it benefits? THEY are the ones being served by this gender essentialist, radfemmy bullshit. And it's incredibly sad making to see my ostensibly leftist friends go skipping down that trail.

[m0ther-fvcker]

wanna be a sleeze bag in a charming way

I blow my cigaret smoke in your face cause I know you like the smell

I manhandle you, pull you in too close, invade your personal space cause I know you're touch starved

I tease you because I want you to fight back

I taunt you into getting out of your comfort zone because I want you to try new things

I pull back when I accidentally cross a line

I let you sleep at my place, take you out to drivethrews at midnight to take your mind off things, find a hill for us to chill out on

I make jokes about us sleeping together, but know not to push too far. Even though I would love nothing more then to sleep with you. Although you always brush those jokes aside, you never seemed to hate them

But then I accidentally press my hand against yours a little bit too long and I notice your gaze lingering on my lips. And then you're straddling my hips, clinging to me as I hold you, kiss you deeply. I keep you warm as we makeout on that hill in the cool night

[hiddenjane]

Poetry and picture by hiddenjane

[thatstormygeek]

I love this for many reasons, but especially because this is how relationships are supposed to work!

Folks will nod sagely and intone "the only constant is change" and then act like somehow romantic relationships are immune.

Look, my partner and I have been together over 25 years. We have been through Some Shit. And there have been times we thought splitting was going to happen.

We got married when we were 22. We didn't know anything about anything. Neither of us is remotely the same person we were back then. And if you showed newlywed us what our marriage looks like now, they might be appalled. They would definitely be very surprised. And that's a good thing (the surprise, at least).

Through our life together, we've grown and changed in mostly compatible ways. That's down to lots and lots and LOTS of communication, more patience than I would have believed I was capable of, and a hell of a lot of luck. For example, we didn't know how things were going to go when I started T. So far it's working out, but it might not have. And had he not put in the work to understand and accept his asexuality a while back, things may have gone quite differently. *shrug*

All of that to reiterate that relationships begin and end for many, many reasons. And sometimes they transform. If we can go friends to lovers, why shouldn't we also go lovers to friends? How many could do that, but because they think it's a one-way journey they cling to the romantic relationship until it's encysted in disappointment and bitterness and resentment and they forget why they even liked the other person in the first place?

So major congrats to OP and their ex-wife and I hope their friendship continues to thrive.

my partner & i recently transitioned to being best friend platonic partners and romantically separated (due to some simple romantic incompatibilities) - we're both very happy with and excited about this change and most importantly we think it is VERY funny and gay to continue doing everything together and living together as exes

(she wrote the first comic!)

[welcometogodly]

[thatstormygeek]

It's telling that in an election where Trump has spent more on anti-trans ads than any other topic, so many of our supposed allies can't even bring themselves to mention us when warning of the dangers of electing him.

Women need control of their bodies. Everyone seems to agree on that. Lots of talk about how bigotry is never okay, with racism getting a common mention. Antisemitism is bad, that seems commonly agreed upon. And sometimes there will be a mention of homophobia.

These are all important things that should be acknowledged! Considering the fact that trans people are actively being legislated against in more than half of the states, though, our absence in the lists of defensible targets is...glaring.

[thatstormygeek]

Topeka's list of notable people is on its own wiki page, so I suppose the first one is automatic. But I did see Annette Bening on there, so yeah.

[sunny-rants]

ya know that thing where something is so hyper-feminine that it becomes a distinctly queer style? well I feel like there’s a new one where the rural or country or christian vibes are so strong that it circles around to being queer

[jarofrebukepodcast]

A message from Casper Oliver about the return of Jar of Rebuke podcast. 🦌🗝👻

This message has been a long time coming, and I think I’ve finally fully accepted the reality of my situation.

I haven’t been doing well.  My work has put me on medical leave for my ongoing mental health crisis. During all of this, I’ve tried to keep up with everything else around me, continuing to spin all the plates of obligations. No matter how exhausted I’ve been, I’ve tried to keep up with work, chores, drag, podcasts, vending, emails, and other Thesperience-related projects… but I’ve been unable to keep up.  Slowly but surely, I’ve been putting down the plates as I try to take care of myself.  No drag shows, no murder mysteries, no live streams, and no script writing.  I’ve been stepping away from anything that isn’t focused on my mental health journey.  

It took a message from a social media friend reaching out to give some encouragement, including telling me about their experience with “Jar of Rebuke”. One of the things they said was that Jar of Rebuke and Jared helped them (and others) realize that it’s okay to not be okay…

Wouldn’t it be hypocritical of me to not take care of myself when I'm writing Jared’s journey of self-exploration and breaking free from unhealthy habits, restrictions, and connections?

So, I’m going to practice what I’ve preached.  As excited as we’ve been about returning in October, unfortunately that will have to be postponed.  I need time to step away from as many obligations as possible so I can focus on my recovery.  

“Jar of Rebuke” season 3 will be debuting in 2025!  This will give me and other cast & crew members to focus on ourselves and our health, both mental and physical.  We also hope that anyone else going through a hard time will take the time they need to take care of themselves.

The world is so much better for all y��all being in it. <3

If you’re looking for more entertainment during this extended break, we encourage you all to also check out our cast & crew members to see whatever other cool stuff they’re involved in!

[greenteacryptid]

THE GAYS LOVE JOAN OF ARC!!

[thatstormygeek]

My partner is a software developer who evangelizes for test-driven development. We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary by getting tattoos and this is the one he chose.

(artist. and h/t to this post where he found it)

something that is always so cool to me is scientists who have tattoos of their niche studies. like. people who have their favourite lesser-talked-about animal or bug. botanical illustrations of their favourite native plants. math equations. maps. fault lines. weather graphs. it's unbelievably metal to me

[m0ther-fvcker]

get in loser, I’m taking you out to get fast food and then I’m going to fuck you in the back of my car

[meyerlansky]

it's an ongoing thing that i probably won't dig too much into in anything textually, maybe in cruiseverse and even less likely but still maybe in summertime, but i do have thinkythoughts about how curt and bucky handle being queer in the framework of their catholicism

gale not on the discussion board here because, while he has angst about his queerness and especially what it means wrt his [and others'] masculinity, it is in no way religious and i maintain he is three bad days away from open atheism despite the HUGE social stigma against it at the time. abused kids tend not to be much for religion anyway.

like i acknowledge how i handle curt is slightly anachronistic [though i can cite contemporary examples, don't come at me about it] in that i don't think he's ashamed of ANYTHING. careful, yes, aware it could get him hurt, yes. but he doesn't have a lot of internalized homophobia weighing him down by '43, thanks to growing up in an active queer hub in the 20s/30s AND my decision to make his family, mostly his mom, similarly slightly-anachronistically accepting—see the stuff in this post about mothers in midcentury america accepting their queer sons and encouraging other mothers to do the same. and i think that "toughened by adversity" is particularly relevant in delphia's case because on top of raising a fairly large family through the great depression, she lost an infant daughter AND her husband when all her kids were under ten years old. she did suffer the public humiliations of the depression in sending her sons to live with relatives to ease the burden of SAID fairly large, half-orphaned family. so she doesn't CARE if curt's gay, all that matters to her is that curt is—and all her kids are—alive and healthy and happy. [plus, in "practical" terms, curt has a brother, so if he's not gonna have kids rusty's around to do it, which is a safety net the other guys do not have.]

bucky, on the other hand, is 93% shame at all times. about everything. he covers it with being loud and brash and seeming unrepentant but. c'mon. look at him. he's got catholic guilt dripping off him. he does NOT have supportive family to lean back on and to insulate him from the general antipathy towards queerness in midcentury america—he doesn't even get letters from his mom or sisters in the stalag in canon. plus he has the added angst of like... he's bi, not gay, so he likes women like he's supposed to, does that not make his attraction to men something he just has to Resist, because that's what the devil does, puts shit in your path that you have to avoid to stay good or whatever. if he was exclusively attracted to men—like curt—it might bother him less because he wouldn't have a "choice." so he's got both internalized queerphobia in general and SPECIFICALLY internalized biphobia working against him.

[the other issue i have with thinking about this stuff is i was not raised catholic or even a little bit religious at all, so i don't have a firsthand perspective on rationalizing queerness with faith. i am just WINGING IT HERE.]

but, anyway, i feel like bucky's isolation from semi-normalized queerness just compounds the issue for his whole adolescence/early adulthood, and he lumps being attracted to men in with his other rule-breaking behaviors. he drinks, he gambles, he lusts, it's all getting him sent to hell anyway, so he acts like it doesn't bother him. but i think it DOES bother him, deep down. and i also think that being faced with curt/people like curt, who DON'T see their queerness as an obstacle to keeping their faith, who don't experience the guilt and shame over that as a fundamental aspect of who they are, is... tough for him? and this is why i don't think it'll come up textually in anything except cruiseverse, if that: bucky is not a talk-shit-out kind of guy, and quite frankly neither is curt. but i can't imagine that bucky at some point isn't like "...don't you struggle with it?" and curt's like "nah, if He wanted me to be different i'd be different."

and bucky just kinda has to chew on that for a bit. and this is where i think the gay vs bi tension comes in, because curt CAN be like "i tried to be straight, it didn't work, so god must not want me to be," whereas bucky COULD choose to be in a het-passing relationship, so does that make him worse??? and that's when curt stops trying that tack because it's doing more harm than good, which leads to it turning into "but HOW does it not bother you?" "it only bothers you 'cause you're letting it." cue another blue-screen for a week.

they can't even extrapolate out the concept of receiving unconditional love as one of god's children the way you do from your actual parents or whatever. because no one in bucky's life loves him unconditionally. why the hell would god?

[joe-spookyy]

a love letter to being a teenager in the midwest