#ex friendships

[schuylerpeck]

we were going to be gray-haired and wrinkled together; houses-a-few-streets-away, corner-bar-that-knows-us-by-name, best friends for life. 

in the days before I moved out of state and across the country, I re-wrote and deleted a text to you over and over; wondering if it was common decency to let you know I was thinking about/was going to/left. I didn’t. even now, from 2,000 miles away, I still wonder if one day we’ll cross each other on the street—if our first instinct will be bared teeth or remorse. 

what would I say to you, now that years have passed and have carried my anger with it? I don’t think I want to know why you did what you did. I don’t think there is any going back. instead, I’d ask if you remember the night we drank enough that Ratatouille became a horror movie. that time I bussed across the city to your house, through a monsoon and the beginning of a divorce; the Snapchats I’d sent singing Black Eyed Peas at empty bus stops to keep myself from crying. how long you hugged me when I arrived. the afternoons walking through the mall long enough to round back to the chocolate store for another free sample. how many different shades your hair has taken since we met—if I can still name the reason each time you reached for a bottle of hair dye. when we all snuck into your boyfriend’s work and played beer pong after hours and your mother cheered you on harder than she had for high school sports. I’d tell you I often revisit those videos the night we did mushrooms and hearing our voices still makes me laugh. I’d ask when did you get over your fear of horses. who holds you now. if you’re doing better.

maybe, just a little bit, I’d still want to know why. 

this isn’t the first time I’ve realized, after the wisdom of a few years, that under the catty lines and thrown insults and inventing new ways to block the other out, is the grief of losing what was believed to be forever. eviction from a home we made in the other. I’m comfortable enough now to know that I can miss you and still be grateful we’ve moved forward without each other; that I can be hurt and still wish you the best. 

I think that’s it. whatever sidewalk, whatever town, whatever likelihood I’d ever see you again: I’m not sure about forgiveness, but I wish you the best.

[leoisbabygirl]

"And what hurts the most is people can go from people you know to people you don't."

~ Selena Gomez

[hopelessvalentines]

“you’re my best friend, now i’ve got no one to tell i’ve lost my best friend.”

….

[nouverx]

*proceeds to drink the whole bottle*

Yeah Alastor you're gonna be loved and appreciated wether you want it or not :)

[emotsper]

airiena exes is such a funny concept to me

[royalarchivist]

Bad: I don’t think people understand the effect QSMP had on some of the streamers in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. [...] Imagine that you were given a friend to play Minecraft with — like your best friend — BUT if this person dies, if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Can you imagine what that’s like?

Bad: If you did not live through the QSMP, if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience the Eggs were. They were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with.

Bad: I’m not saying I regret it. To this day, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. [...] I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, it was just that fun.

Earlier today during his stream, Bad shared his experience and thoughts about the Eggs and the significant emotional (and traumatic) impact they had on him and his fellow QSMP members.

This clip a very edited-down version since his commentary was ~13 minutes long, so I highly recommend checking out Bad's VOD if you have the time. (Timestamp: 47:36 - 1:00:14)

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

———

Bad: To be fair Chat, I really think the QSMP... I don't think anyone really can relate to it, Chat. It's something that's so... I've told people this before, like– but it's hard to understand. Right? Like...

Where was I? Sorry Chat, I'm losing my train of thought. Look, let me explain Chat– here's the dealio, ok? Here's the dealio, and this is what I mean when I say like, it's important to keep this in mind, Chat. Ok? It's important to keep this in mind:

I don’t think people understand the effect that the QSMP had on like, some of the streamers, in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. This is the analogy I’ve given to every person who I’ve like, shared this with. Imagine you meet somebody– [He hears a strange noise] What the fudge was that? Did you hear that?

Anyway– Chip! The story I was just relaying to Chat, Chip, was this: I was sharing this story with them, I said–  I was giving them an analogy. 

Imagine Chat, for example, imagine that you were… playing Minecraft, with like– you were given a friend to play Minecraft with, Chat, like your best friend, and [unintelligible] were like, “Hey, you get to play Minecraft with this person, right? BUT if this person dies – they’re currently your best friend, Chip – but if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Ever again.” Can you imagine what that’s like, Chip?

I don’t think a lot of people understand like, what that does, right? I’m not gonna say that like, it creates this situation, Chip, that like, messes with your head, but it– Chip – but it totally, totally does, Chip. It messes with your head! It literally puts you in a position where you’re second-guessing and thinking about everything, Chip! You’re thinking about EVERYTHING Chip! Ok? And that’s the problem, Chip– is you turn into a paranoid monster because of it, Chip! Like, you don’t understand Chip– I was- I was so afraid of every dirt block, I used to carry a shovel with me Chip, and I would specifically right-click dirt blocks that looked suspicious because mines, Chip– mines could not be shoveled! Like, I was crazy, Chip! But here’s the problem, Chip: that craziness is still there. I’m genuinely like–

I remember thinking Chip, that I would one day– I was like, “I’m going to move past–” here, let’s go up here, Chip. I remember thinking one day Chip, I was like, “I’m gonna move past the underground base, one of these days. You know, one of these days, I feel like I’ll be able to grow and achieve the desire to build a base that doesn’t have to be underground.” But I don’t think it’s possible now Chip, because I think… I just don’t know. I feel like the paranoia– there’s still like, residual leftover trauma from that situation, Chip.

But here’s the problem Chip: I don’t think I don’t think– I don’t think people understand it. Like, I just really don’t. But I also don’t blame them Chip, ‘cuz I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand it if you haven’t lived through it. Like, if you did not live through the QSMP… I’m talking about the QSMP, I don’t- I don’t know if that was obvious– if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience like, the Eggs were. Right? I don’t think people realize it. Like, they were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with, Chip. So, it’s just one of those things that–

[He’s interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder above them]

Did lightning just strike here? Is it thunderstorming out…? But anyway, Chip. That’s the food for thought.

But that’s the problem– Like, every time it rains in Minecraft, I have to like, look at the sky, and I get this weird, like, second--hand vibe because of the trauma. The trauma, Chip! The trauma is real! But that’s the point– I’m not saying I regret it. I, to this day Chip, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. 

[He falls down] Dangit, don’t come over here Chip, ‘cuz I’m coming back up! Ok.

I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering  and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, Chip, it was just that fun. I really wi– I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible, Chip, to give people that same energy, like that same experience. You know what I mean, Chip? I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible again. Like, EVER.

Because… because like, one: I will say on one level Chip, I will say on one level, like– it’s sort of emotionally like… It’s emotionally devastating, and I think to actually go through that– and this is where like, if I ever do end up going to a– see a therapist, if I ever do end up going to see a therapist at any point, I’ll talk it over with them and be like, “Hey, what do you think about this?” Because I genuinely think on one level, like– it’s created this fear of forming attachments because of like, how things can go. You know what I mean? Like, the fear of getting attached to something and then potentially losing it. Like, it’s- it’s a genuine thing. I think people forget about that.

Like, at the end of the day, everything was RP, right? On the server. You know what I mean? Like, everything was RP, Chip. BUT at the same point, even though it was RP Chip, it was still like– there the reality of you were still playing like, with another person, and you were still getting that experience, and it felt like you were genuinely attached to someone and you didn’t want anything bad to happen to them. It was GENUINELY stressful, Chip.

But at the same point, I don’t regret it, and I don’t think it was a bad experience. I’m– 

Sometimes in life Chip, you go through stuff, and maybe you have a certain amount of like, things that like, can happen, that you’re like, “You know what, maybe this wasn’t a good thing that this happened,” but at the same point, you still aren’t necessarily upset about it, because… it’s like growing as a person, right? Here’s the thing Chip; even bad situations, Chip, can lead to an overall good outcome. Like–

Even if you’re going through something bad Chip, just because a bad thing happens doesn’t mean that only bad things have to come from that. That’s one of the things I tell people all the time, Chip, is that if you go through a bad situation, you can learn from it, and you can use your experience to help others. And you can be that– you can be, at the worst-case scenario, you can be someone for other people who are going through that same experience to lean on when they go through that.I think there’s a certain amount of comfort that comes from that; from knowing no matter how bad your situation is, you’re not the only person who’s experienced it. You know what I mean?

[pollopom]

I know Dorothy was probably already married to Alex given the timeline, but I want to believe Megatron got to attend her wedding and they got him a big ass bowtie to wear and took pictures with him PLEASE I NEED THIS

[wttcsms]

i've been thinking about iconic it girl reader who's only ever been known to have one boyfriend — a professional athlete. your relationship with each other was everyone's idea of couple goals, and the breakup that followed was quoted to be "amicable" and that the two of "came to an agreement that you were better off as friends" geez, did your PR teams have to word it like your relationship was all just some fucking contract? relax on the business professional tone. it's almost like they're not describing the best two years of your life.

now, a year later after the breakup that almost caused your break down, you're back and better than ever. you're about to launch your own beauty brand, you're gracing the cover of vogue, and you're protecting your peace by only focusing on yourself, your career, and your girlfriends. you don't date, and you especially don't date athletes. as a matter of fact, you actively avoid all of them like they carry the fucking plague. but when your publicist gives you a deal that you can't refuse (no, literally — it's a deal you can't refuse. read your contracts closely, kiddos), you find yourself thrust into a fake relationship with character. he reminds you of your ex for all the wrong reason; they play the same sport, they have similar attitudes, the same work ethic, the same drive and passion for the sport (and only for the sport...). but there's something different about him, too. he's... not as charismatic. he's kind of goofy, honestly, but he's cute enough to where it works in his favor. he's devoted to his sport, and yet, he finds the time to call his mom every week and despite the fact that this relationship is nothing more than a publicity stunt, he's surprisingly attentive to you, too...

but you've kept yourself and your heart safe by drawing a clear boundary. would you be willing to risk everything you've built up just to create something real with character? especially whenever your ex comes back into town, reopening old wounds and reminding you why you created these boundaries in the first place?

[artofdyingslowly]

ex best friends are just. i will never love anyone the way i loved you. you hurt me so much in a way only you could. i still think about you on your birthday and wish i could be there celebrating with you. i hate that things ended the way they did. i don’t think anyone will ever understand me like you did. i miss our inside jokes. i’ll never forget you and i wish all of the dreams we talked about come true for you. i hope i never hear anything about it. i miss you. i never want to see you again.

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[forgivent]

[leoisbabygirl]

Damn. I was really hoping to apologize to my ex friends. But they blocked me. Oh well, doesn't hurt me much. Don't let the door hit ya on the way out 😐✌🏽

[poisoned-pearls]

momokarun is bi x bi to me. Okarun wouldn’t realize until momo said smth offhanded like “I think I’d be a hot dude” and it took him a few moments of thinking of that to realize he wouldn’t care. Momo just walked out of the womb with a bi flag tho

[undercotton-andcalicoes]

leaving long term friendships behind is so strange. like. i know your favorite flower and how you like your soda and the exact shape of your face and your coffee order. they’re all etched into the folds of my brain. but we haven’t spoken since june. and i don’t even know what your hair looks like now.

[goopcatz]

[uncle reigen au] them after they beat the shit out of each other

[felsicveins]

His heart belongs to another

And no other heart will do