#everything is just worse year after year
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guys tell me i’m being silly for being disappointed that i didn’t get a call back today for a job i applied to friday
#like#logically i know i’m being silly#but after a year of applying for jobs and getting literally not a SINGLE call back#no interviews#they’re not even CALLING ME BACK#literally. an entire YEAR i have been applying with NOTHING coming back#i am just so completely disheartened#and of course this is a job that i desperately want#it makes good money and it’s doing something i am ACTUALLY GOOD AT#so of course i don’t expect a call back#but it’s for a company that a dear friend is a Valued Employee™️ at#so i was a referral#and networking is supposed to be the only way anyone gets a job#so like ????? 🤷♀️#but i just don’t expect anything good to happen at this point#everything is just worse year after year#so why the hell would i think i have anything more than a popsicle’s chance in Hell?????#ITS BEEN A YEAR OF NOT GETTING CALLED BACK#Hermes my man if you can do ANYTHING at all#i will idk#steal the declaration of independence or smn#ok no no i can’t actually follow through on that#i already need to build a Hermes altar in my new place#that was the deal#girl help
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hehe ghost-turbo haunting felix au
turbo is connected to the last piece of his code in the whole arcade - a trophy he gifted to felix in mid 80s as a symbol of him genuinely caring about their relationships on par with being the best racer. felix also gave him one of his medals and both kept their gifts next to other rewards, but when roadblasters and turbotime were unplugged, the medal was gone with everything else
now, after burning in cola-lava turbo is basically dead, but scraps of his code still were intertwined with the trophy (after all, it was his first winner's cup, but felix never knew about it), giving turbo an opportunity to exist as a shadow incapable of interacting with anything and anyone besides felix, who kept the trophy even after the roadblasters incident
also I went crazy in tags, feel free to check them out
#turbo#turbotastic#fix it felix jr#80s boyfriends#hammertastic#headcanon about them exchanging their trophies isn't mine but i loved it A LOT#and “darling” is turbo making fun of how felix was calling him in 80s#this hc about “doll” and “darling” pet names also is not mine but i adore it#turbo here is a complete freak who just stays around felix most of the time even when felix has moments with calhoun#and felix is an ass who keeps secrets from everyone bc he doesn't want his dirt to come out#he's ashamed of his previous relationship with turbo and doesn't want anyone to know any details#and calhoun to just know about it#this just gets worse and worse#they also didn't actually break up and were still technically dating when turbo went gamejumping#and he's mad af at felix because he's the reason ppl in the acrade made a boogeyman out of turbo and he couldn't come back#like imagine your bf says to you what you are better than others think of you#and then behind your (presumably dead) back tells everyone that you're just an egocentric maniac#i believe turbo has other reasons why he gamejumped (besides jealousy which took place but wasn't the most important reason)#and felix is an unreliable narrator#so yeah turbo HATES his ass#(but still would-) no im not making it suggestive#anyway i hc that turbo had put A LOT of emotions in this relationship even tho he's bad at this#he tried his best with felix but they were just making each other worse#and turbo while feeling betrayed never really moved on (yes even after 25 years he's PATHETIC)#and felix is just full of regret about everything but he won't admit his mistakes in his relationship with turbo#bc “well he turned out to be a bad person so that automatically makes me in the right about everything”#but felix had made a lot of bad decisions while dating turbo and was just classically ignorant about a ton of things#sorry about this random ass essay in tags i'm done for now#wreck it ralph#wir
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pygmalion and galatea for aroace people
you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#fh class quangle#class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao#ask to tag#I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what#in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends#they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff#theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron#cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace#lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a#horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre#Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary#and now u just have a Cool Monster#its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao#sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy#well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont#they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch#I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face#it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be#tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to#really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things#it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are#flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best#but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic
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when did that start?
#vent art a bit?? or a lot i guess? depending on how you feel about realizing you are burnt out which hm.#i think it's a lot of factors that started it all tbh and i think having a rough year just made everything a little more worse#perhaps i'm just not in the right headspace and consequently it feels like i ran out of juice after 15+ yrs#and my art started to feel ........disposable (which i'm aware it's not but you know how it goes)#this fucking sucks truthfully but i think putting a label to the feeling feels a little better because it's sentient now#and it being real means there's hope of making it (ironically) disposable one day#i will still draw dw but it's just gonna take time i think#didn't expect to be vulnerable on a late Monday night but if you feel like this also you're not alone#anyway i'm just gonna sleep thank u if you made it this far#doodles
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happy that with all the shallow cameos in the new DA game we did not have to suffer them bringing back Alistair or Zevran, my stupid blondes were spared. metaphorically as im sure BioWare would happily inform us they are dead because nothing outside of Tevinter matters :)
#dragon age#this has been my absolute fav video games series since I first played origins in 2010.#didn’t really care much for inquisition but still enjoyed it enough to be looking forward to what they would do next#and what they have given us after 10 years is…unbelievable#it’s devoid of anything that made origins or DA2 or even inquisition exciting#the characters are so safe and boring and also poorly written#the storyline is a fucking mess and the lore they’ve chosen to ignore …#I wish they had just made a different game tbh.#this game is not for players who love the series it’s for new players who will probably play it once or twice#and then never again and never look into the previous 3 games cause why would they#veilguard just told them everything that happened in the past 3 games doesn’t matter at all#BioWare has always had their issues and we’ve rightfully criticized them throughout the years#but this is just like#a different level of disregard for them#and somehow they got worse with handling gender and race and culture like what the fuck kind of game is this
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it is absolutely so weird to me to try to imagine a version of geralt that is like, my age. like, no. get back to being an old man
#what the heck. my parents were never my age they were just spawned into the world in their 30s#i'm just kidding btw. geralt's not old. vesemir is old. but geralt is my old man#fun fact. for just about forever i thought that 'my old man' meant your father#like 'my old lady' can mean your mother#but 'my old man' actually means your husband or your lover#so when joni mitchell sang big yellow taxi. i totally misinterpreted that for my entire life#i cried to that song because of that#and funnily enough i learned the correct meaning also from her in her blue album#so yeah. i'm going to continually stubbornly use it the way i thought it#but only in contexts where it is obvious i'm talking about it in a father context#quite obviously#anyways. prequel.#young geralt is going to have less but way more worse and recent trauma#after we get this we will have to get regis: the young years where it is like 'dear diary tonight i drank so hard i threw up!'#'can't wait to do it all again tomorrow night and attempt to kill myself five times in a row!'#as i wrote that i also did think of regis re-enacting my favorite drew gooden vine#'dear diary... today i couldn't find my diary so i'm writing this on my two kung fu panda 2 dvds :)'#oh my god. wait. that is literally a philosophy regis shares#'e can easily replace what we don’t have with what we do!'#'it's simply a matter of invention and positive thinking :-)'#the elbow-high diaries#try not to make everything about emiel regis challenge (hard) (failed)
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WHY DID YOU DO IT? 👁 R QFHG DZMGVW GSVN GL FMWVIHGZMW
Haven't done a finished piece in a bit and it's not perfect, but I'm pretty happy with it! But yeah I wanted to make Bill angst except I didn't expect it to actually make me cry lmao 🥲
#gravity falls#bill cipher#human bill cipher#book of bill spoilers#artists on tumblr#fanart#finished work#tw: body horror#for the eye#i originally had him saying 'ma?' because i planned it out as him looking at his mom as the world around him is burning and#seeing her just makes him feel so so so much worse#anyway i'm on the theory train that bill just wanted to be understood after being medicated for years and told to stop talking about#the stars and being bullied and everything#convinced that he was like 'i hAVE TO MAKE THEM SEE I HAVE TO MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND' and it went /horribly/ wrong
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it’s been a few hours and i’m still very angry and upset at this ending like wow ofc i’m mad about gojo not coming back but the overall downfall of this series has me baffled…
#[𐐪— jjk spoilers. 𐑂]#like wow why did i invest four years of my life into this just for such a shit ending#like even if gojo had to die#why couldn’t we acknowledge him???#after everything he’s done#and he specifically said he didn’t wanna be forgotten#and that’s what happened#but even aside from gojo#SO MANY PLOT HOLES#like wdym you’re gonna tease kenjaku/suguru and then never elaborate????#we don’t even know which one it was#and then why is there still one sukuna finger???#what was the whole point of the story#we went back to the beginning???#i’m so confused#and never talking about megumi’s full potential like gojo was talking about early on#ugh there’s so much#i’m sad bc i didn’t get satoru back#but i think it’s worse that the ending of my literal favorite series could end up so horrible#idk#i’m very tired#jjk spoilers#jjk 271#jjk leaks
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...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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Been thinking about the transition between Open Arms and Polyphemus (technically, Warrior of the Mind is in the middle, but it only happens to Odysseus in Athena's time pause powers or whatever its called, so it doesn't count).
The fun thing about it is that I can imagine the debate they had on what to do with the information about the 'cave to the east'
Like, Eurylochus probably argued something like, "You can't trust the creatures that almost drugged you!" and he's right. But they're out of supplies. Everyone's either hungry, or going to be. Now, they can either sail to a different direction and hope they come across another island (which I imagine they had trouble with since they had to follow the birds in Full Speed Ahead), or to the island the lotus eaters told them about.
There's a high chance they'd starve to death if they go back to the open sea, so they chance it on the 'island', which they eventually find (and Polites is probably smug about. See? The lotus eaters weren't lying).
And because of the whole 'getting almost drugged thing', I can see Eurylochus prints on making sure Polites and Odysseus have back up with them this time, hence the additional (including Eurylochus himself) men going with them to the cave.
They were cautious. They were careful.
Unfortunately, a cyclops isn't exactly something anyone can prepare for.
Idk. Just fun to think about.
#epic the musical#Open Arms#Eurylochus Epic the musical#Polites epic the musical#Odysseus epic the musical#troy saga#cyclops saga#I think part of the tragedy of it all#is that they did everything right#the first island they see after losing supplies#Odysseus ordered that they'd scout first instead of doing the raid Eurylochus suggested#i imagine if they did raid#at least some of his men would have tried to eat the lotus seeds#(Even Odysseus didnt know what it was originally. Is it any stretch to believe his men wouldn't know either? Polites didn't.)#Especially if they've been hungry for a while#Then they get info of ANOTHER island#Hopefully with non-mind control food#Of course they check it out#They're hungry#But this time Odysseus is more precautious#After all the lotus eaters did almost mind control them#So he's leaning more towards Eurylochus's approach. More men. More protection.#We as the viewers/listeners know it's the cyclops cave#but THEM as the character's didn't.#They made all the right decisions with the information they had#but unfortunately it wasn't enough.#I still think Polites's death was more a bad roll of the dice. He was the closest the cyclops could reach with the club#(altho the 'sacrifice himself for Odysseus or one of the men' is still a delicious alternative to that)#And his death was the first rolling stone to the landslide that was Odysseus's next 10 years of his life.#Things just kept getting worse right after 🥲
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#that first gif... he is deadly#james spader#alan shore#boston legal#*#favorite#there's a full-length shot in this scene where you can see his belly. stretching the fabric of his shirt just above his waistband. ougghhh#trying to focus on how sexy this is but this episode was so. soft and suffering alan#once again everyone expects the worse from him. they ASK it of him for their own benefit#and he doesn't disappoint. he is the worst and he loses his temper and finds himself on the ledge again#when he storms out of denny's office so mad he can't even look at him. went home alone and furious and upset#drank himself to sleep for the first time in months if not years bc after a good run it feels like things are falling apart again#the way they always do. because that's what alan shore deserves#he thought it might be different this time. he thought well my parents didn't care about me. my wife died. I got fired. everyone leaves#maybe this time will be different. but now he's in the hotel room where he lives. without his best friend. about to be disbarred. stupid.#this was always going to happen because he doesn't deserve any better. they were all right about him. they were right to run away#everything is fixed the next day he and denny go on a field trip 🤠 but GD!!!!!#alaaaaannnnnnn 😭
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i think the 6 hours of sleep over the last 3 days is starting to hit bc uhh the guilt is starting to set in
#saw some of the damage where it made landfall SO CLOSE to us and felt sick . and it’s all catching up to me i’m so so tired aksjsjdbf#like if it hadn’t wobbled east then literally everything i know would be damaged or destroyed and then i feel worse because it IS that way#for some people right now. especially after just now recovering from last year’s major hurricane!! like we just keep getting lucky and those#around us are unlucky and it’s such a sickening feeling woughhhhhh#anyway.#i’m just waiting for the fans to cool me off a bit before sleep bc i’m hot as shit even with the breeze and night time#maybe i’ll read a cozy comfort fic before bed . if i don’t fall asleep immediately
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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Weird AU idea: Crossover AU between Minecraft and Welcome Home. Those bitches gotta kill some dragon to get back home IDK. I can see many shenanigans with this concept
Mainly made this up because I had a dream the Warden from Minecraft and Julie Joyful met (Julie was not enthralled for obvious reasons) (tbh it was more a nightmare DX)
bold of you to assume their Goofy Asses could get anything done, let alone kill the ender dragon
#theyd get to the nether after 85 years of trying#only for wally to kill them all & destroy their progress by placing a bed#howdy would somehow have Everything They Need but he refuses to sell it unless they have reallly specific stupid items to trade#he's like a wandering trader but 100x Worse#frank would see something flying and go to look#frank: omg is that a butterfl- *Frank Frankly Has Been Slain By Vex*#barnaby would dig himself a dirt house and refuse to do anything more#eddie would be busy building an elaborate garden#julie'd collect every animal for funsies#sally would master redstone to create elaborate Entertainment Devices#poppy wouldn't leave her house or her 58 furnaces all of which are in use#wally would just sit at a loom and make pretty banners#and Nothing Would Get Done#even if they Tried to accomplish goals you and i both know#it would derail Immediately#theyre too silly.#rambles from the bog#welcome home au#If i get the motivation ill definitely scribble something for this#currently head is empty on what i'd doodle hence the Lack Of Art on this post#i just thought of the effort it'd take to like#scribble minecraft armor... tools... environment things... ouagh too much Too Much#tonight has tired me out :/#but yes... many shenanigans... feel free to share the shenanigans You have in Mind
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does the feeling of how your parents made you feel as a kid ever get better?
#nothing even happened today but it's just that when they make some comment and everything comes rushing back in you know?#apparently even after 21 years i never learnt to shut up#and this week it's just the small things and i suddenly feeling like crying#to make things worse i'm listening to matilda now#nivi.txt
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not the kind of thing I usually share, but I came across the CDC's national intimate partner and sexual violence survey and their 2010 findings on victimization by sexual orientation, and some of the statistics for women are really shocking (tw for rape and assault)
anyway I wanted to share these because I hear vague stats about queer women and sexual violence being thrown around constantly, but we rarely take a step back and look at the actual numbers these days. direct pdf download of the report here: 2010 Findings on Victimization by Sexual Orientation
#the stats for men are worth looking at too but this is long enough.#not shocking as in unexpected but seeing it all laid out this way is so grim. it makes the ways in which my own experiences have been#dismissed feel even worse than they already have honestly lol. I've been thinking lately about how after he kept text stalking me sending#homophobic slurs & stuff and I was just so numb to everything I had to convince myself it was no big deal.#and I was a clued in person like smart enough to know that that type of violence is worse for queer women but I still felt very alone#in my experiences for all these years and I struggle a lot to talk about it still.
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