#everything is frustrating me rn for kind of no reason

[ghostingghosty]

I fear that the anger and disappointment of the left and in US-liberal spaces might create divisions and promote infighting; something which will counteract any momentum that have been growing in progressive spaces the last couple of years (the counter momentum to the rise of facism from the right).

The resentment towards the outcome and those who did not vote for Harris, either in demonstration or out of indifference, should not be carried over to Palestinians or their cause. I understand it's a time for self-reflection and reconsideration of political priorities, but comments like 'I am going to Starbucks RN' or 'good thing I never stopped eating McD lol' are so disheartening to hear. Your support for Palestinians should not be conditional – your morals should not falter because some people chose not to vote. Genocide is genocide; it did not change just because Trump won, and your support shouldn't either. If every single Palestinian signed a letter saying that they despised me, I would still fight for their right to live, cause human rights aren't debatable or conditional.

That said, I have also seen a lot of leftists who did not vote for Harris call the people who are sharing their frustrations with the election Zionists and genocide supporters, which is equally as disgusting. You are not morally better for not voting; you just made a different decision. Voting for Kamala does not make you a Zionist or a supporter of genocide, just like abstaining from voting because of morals didn't cause Trump to win. I also feel like these labels have been especially targeted against black people when sharing their frustrations with non-voters; a group that has historically been, and are, anti-war.

Emotions are high. Don't let the current political state discourage your kindness.

I believe that most of these reactions are coming from a place of hopelessness where we are seeking a scapegoat for the election results (and what that means for the state of the nation) and sharing ones frustration with a genocide that seems impossible to make politicians care about. Infighting is not the call, and it is important to let the Democratic Party know that turning to the right was the WRONG decision, otherwise they will do it again in four years. The Party was the main reason for their loss, as their campaign was tilted to center-right leaning republican middle and upper middle class women, instead of focusing on popular policies, such as free healthcare, and their own leftist base. It was a single-issue campaign on abortion, with an adoption of the right's racist immigration propaganda AND EVEN BEING FRIENDLY TOWARDS THEM to the point of promising republicans a seat in her government??? The campaign was a failure, and it is important to make them recognise their own incompetence and show them that boot-licking the right is bad politics.

PLEASE do not stop fighting for righteousness, even when everything seems hopeless – vote in the smaller elections and be informed on legislators and legislations in your states! Hold your representatives accountable!

[trans-axolotl]

rotating around and biting ppl rn

[leijonzzz]

I LOVE SUIKODEN SOOOO FUCKING MUCH

[beetlejuicesgraveyardrevue]

aaaaaand now I have an injured bird to drive to a wildlife center when I get out of work 🙃 the dude who feeds feral cats outside my job just called me to help him catch it and I assumed he was going to take it but he just left me. with the bird. So it’s mine now I guess. fuck me I want to go to Sleep at 5am not be driving an hour to drop this baby off 😭

[thenyoumightaswellwrestleangels]

There's an anger in me (I think I learned it from you)

hope here needs a humble hand - series masterlist here

pairing: platonic bruce wayne x reader, platonic dick grayson x reader

length: 1.9k

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending

warnings: reader and dick get into a fight and dick is so mean. reader definitely has trauma and issues but Good Dad Bruce Wayne is here so it's fine and also Big Brother Dick in the end

a/n: I'm not a dick grayson hater but I do think he'd be the biggest bitch and say the meanest shit in a fight. anyway life is kicking my ass so bad rn so idk if this is even any GOOD but you can have it <3

Alfred sighs to himself, a disapproving sort of frown finding its way onto his face as he listens to your raised voice, you and Dick butting heads again. It's not uncommon for you to find reason to argue with the others, but it is tiresome - frustrating to him that you can't seem to lay down this constant fight of yours that you live with.

And Dick? Well, as he spits an insult back and you and you shove at his chest, Alfred idly thinks that maybe he's your worst target so far. Dick Grayson may be kind under typical circumstances, but anger like this brings out the worst in him.

"At least Bruce wanted me," he snaps at you. "You just shoved your way in."

That doesn't just stop you, it stops everyone in their tracks. It especially stops Bruce, who had come into the Cave when he'd gotten word from Alfred about another fight. And there's just… silence at first. You, staring up at Dick with wide, hurt eyes while his anger slowly melts, regret replacing it.

"Hey, I didn't mean -" but you don't stay to listen, fleeing past Bruce and out of the Cave, despite his calls of your name. You don't stick around to hear the way Bruce rips into Dick about it, berating him for even suggesting such a thing, before he follows you up to the Manor. 

Alone in your room, with the walls closing in on you and your lungs squeezing painfully, your breath catches as you hear footsteps approaching. Bruce's knocks on your door are as gentle as the way he calls your name, asking you to please open the door.

You don't.

How can you? He's right, he's right, he's right - Bruce didn't want you. How much trouble have you caused since you got here? - too much, your brain supplies. And Dick is right, Bruce didn't want you… he couldn't have. You, with your headstrong determination, pushing your way into anything and everything that you'd ever wanted. You, with your heels always dug in and your arms always crossed and your shoulders always squared. How could he possibly want that?

You pace behind your locked door, pulling on your hair as your breath quickens, words you've heard a million times running through your head.

Spoiled, selfish, stubborn -

Bruce's voice on the other side of the door isn't enough to drown it out, his promises of, "I love you, we all love you. Dick didn't mean that, and he'll apologize to you when you're ready. Please come out, sweetheart… I love you, and you have always been wanted by me. You've always been wanted by this family."

You stare at the door as if glaring hard enough would make it soundproof, your breath still coming out in short little gasps as you clench your fists, nails digging into the skin of your palms. You watch through blurred vision as Bruce's shadow shifts and darkens under the door - you watch as he settles on the other side of the wood, determined not to leave you to do this alone.

"You come out whenever you're ready, sweetheart," he says gently. "I'll be here."

You scoff, turning abruptly away from the door - away from him. He won't stay - he won't, he won't, he won't -

"I won't leave you." Bruce's voice is heard again and you squeeze your eyes shut. It's like he knows, and you can't figure out how, can't fathom the idea that he really has been paying attention all this time, that he knows you and your ticks and your traumas. You curl up on top of your bed, determined to just shut down until it's all over - until he gives up and leaves you be. Maybe then you can leave, too - leave for real. Maybe it would all be better if you slipped out quietly, off into the city, into someone else life and away from this one. Maybe there really wasn't room for you in this family.

When you wake later, the first thing you're forced to notice is the throbbing behind your eyes and the light that streams in through the window, the sun beginning to set and bathing you in a halo-like glow. Sitting up, you notice a shadow still stationed on the other side of your door, having stayed, unmoving, for as long as you'd been hiding. 

Getting up slowly, you make your way to it, sitting down with your back against the door and letting your head thump rather loudly against the wood of it. It's only then that Bruce moves, shifting on the other side. You clench your fists on your lap as words get caught on their way out. I'm sorry, I love you, thank you for staying.

"Why are you still there?" Is all that ends up coming out, the words harsh as they cut through the air. You flinch at hearing them, your own voice hatefully foreign to you.

"Because I love you," Bruce says simply, like it's such an easy thing. "And I promised I wouldn't leave you." You sit still after that, turning what he's said over in your mind again and again and again before standing abruptly and wrenching your door open, relying on Bruce's reflexes to get himself up and standing by the time you do.

Fortunately, he's always been a little faster than you, always a little better. By the time you're looking at him, he's standing in your doorway, his shoulders slumped as he slouches down to look you in the eye. He's making himself smaller, you realize, something that feels like regret eating away at you. He's making himself small and it's your fault. 

But Bruce isn't looking at you like he blames you, and the way he ever so gently puts his hands on your shoulders and presses a kiss to the crown of your head speaks only of love. Only of forgiveness. You stand straighter when he does, a silent urge for him to do this same - for him to be tall for you. Maybe then, you wouldn't have to be.

"It's true, though, isn't it? You ask, something pained in your voice that you can't quite hide. 

"It's not." There's a way he says it, like it's written in some holy text somewhere and he's promising it now because faith demands it. "You are always wanted here. And you always will be."

"What if I never believe that?"

"Then we'll keep telling you." You shoot Bruce a look at his assuredness, one that just makes him smile down at you.

"Even Dick?" You ask, uneasiness finding its home in you despite your clenched fists and set jaw.

"Especially Dick, he answers easily. "I'm sure he'll spend a very long time trying to make up for this. He never means it, you know - there's this anger in him that he can't quite shake sometimes." Your shoulders slump at his words and you drop your chin, eyes trained on the floor.

"Yea," your voice is bitter. "That, I understand."

You find, later that night, that you wish Dick didn't care quite so much. Your mask covers your face, the hard set of your jaw and the annoyance that pulls down your brows, but in the faint moonlight of the docks, you're sure Dick can see the taught pull of your shoulders.

Thank god it's a slow night, you find yourself thinking as you perch on the edge of a rooftop, kicking your legs over the edge. You know he's around, watching and waiting and trying to find a moment to approach you. You think you'll have to find the moment for him when Nightwing finally sits next to you, his movements silent and slow. He looks at you long and hard, his own eyes hidden behind his mask as you stare out at the water, waiting for him to decide how this will all go.

"I don't always say the right thing," is what he ends up confessing. "And it wasn't fair for you to be on the receiving end of that. I'm… sorry."

"I started it," you say simply. "You shouldn't apologize for biting back."

"No," Dick says carefully, tapping his finger on his thigh. "But I should apologize for how I did it." You look at him, then, eyes searching his face and cursing the masks you both wear, layers of protection against anyone who would try to know you.

"Did you mean it?" You finally ask. "Is it true? Because if it is… if it is, then you should only apologize for lying to me up till now."

"It's not," Dick answers, and there's something in the clear ring of his voice that reminds you of Bruce. Your lips twitch into a smile as you think of how unhappy he'd be to find that out. "Things with Bruce and I… well, I'm sure you know they weren't always good." 

"I don't actually know everything," you huff back. "Even my eavesdropping has limitations - especially with all of you. You're a lot harder to hide from than everyone else." Dick grins at that, a self-satisfied sort of thing that makes you regret speaking.

"Well, it's lucky, I guess," he goes on. "The Bruce you know now - he's a lot better than he was in the beginning."

"Don't you think we all are?" You ask before you can stop yourself, eyes snapping back out to the water as you desperately try to close yourself off from him, heart hammering at the response you're sure to get. There is no part of you that's getting better. There is no part of you that can be good. But Dick just readjusts how he's sitting, sliding closer so that your shoulders bump and he can tap your hands with his own, a silent chide for the way you twist your fingers nervously.

"You're right," he says plainly, and suddenly you're glad for the masks. You're not sure what would happen if you looked over and saw that big brother, sick-with-pride look he's so fond of. "When Jason came along, it felt a bit too much like being replaced. I know it was a long time ago, but… maybe I still feel it a bit more than I should - whenever anyone new comes along. It's not your fault… it's not your fault and I'm glad you're here."

You sigh at his words, tipping back until you're laying on the rooftop, your legs still kicking over the edge as you pretend to look up at the stars, blinking tears away rapidly behind your mask. You're sure he knows, but you're also sure he's too kind to say anything, laying back with you and interlocking his hands behind his head to lean on.

There's a lot you think you should say right now. I'm sorry, I love you, thank you for coming back for me. Thank you for not leaving me behind. Thank you for not giving up on me. 

"What are you hanging around here tonight for, anyway?" Is what comes out instead, but you find you aren't so bothered by it this time.

"Want me to stick around? Finish your patrol with you?" Is his only answer. You huff.

"I don't need help taking care of the docks. I've been doing that longer than I've been involved with you idiots." Dick laughs, loud enough that you groan and roll away from him, standing up and crossing your arms. 

"Well, you never know, then," he responds easily as he swings himself to his feet. "Maybe we could learn something from each other."

"Fine," you snipe back, but you can't help the way you bounce on the balls of your feet, a weight you hadn't realized you'd been carrying starting to lift. "Maybe we can."

[lloydfrontera]

my biggest gripe with the manhwa rn is that they made javier more of an asshole than he is in the novel and then took away most of the scenes where we see him being kind and soft with others.

javier can be an ass, he is a brat and he's especially annoying when he's with lloyd, but above anything else he is kind and loyal and selfless and good. i cannot emphasize enough how good javier is. he's the kind of person who cannot see someone in trouble or danger and do nothing about it. he's the kind of person who would sacrifice his life for total strangers and no hope of any reward. he's the kind of person who can't even enjoy a lavish party without feeling guilty because he'd much rather help people in need with that money.

he's so fucking good, lloyd is a little annoyed by it because he keeps getting dragged into life-threatening situations because javier just won't stop helping people they don't even know. mind you, lloyd is also endeared by this and would not want him to change but god can it be frustrating in his endeavor to keep them both alive.

there's this particular scene that i just. i'm so sad it was cut. where javier is helping around the refugee camp, going without sleeping and eating so he can focus on helping as many people as possible and then he spots a little kid that got lost on his way back. so he decides to help him.

and he's so gentle with this kid.

Javier walked over to the kid and called him. The flustered boy looked up. Javier strove to put on a warm smile on his face. "Are you lost?" “...” The boy nodded, his eyes all wet. Javier carefully stroked the boy's head. "I think I can help you with that. Why don't you let me help find your tent?" suggested Javier. “...” The boy nodded again. "But why didn't you eat the food? It's going to get cold. Are you not hungry?" "I am… hungry," the boy finally said. But what he said next caught Javier by surprise. "But I won't eat it," said the boy. "Why not?" "My mother is hungrier." "Is that so?" "Yes." “...” Javier wondered why this kid came out to take the food when he had a mother. There must be a reason, he thought to himself. He held out his hand. "I will hold the tray for you." "..." "I won't spill it. I promise." "Okay..." Javier took the tray and wrapped the boy’s hand with his own.

like. god. javier is not a naturally warm person. he's very reserved and stoic and sometimes outright cold, but he still tries so hard with this kid. because he knows what it's like to be him. he knows what it's like to be a child and be scared and hungry and without a home. and he remembers how much it meant for a kind adult to reach out a hand to him and help. and he wants to be that to others too.

everything he does, he does because he genuinely believes it's the right thing to do and therefore his obligation. and even when it doesn't come naturally to him, like being warm and gentle to a child, he still tries his best to do so.

and like that wasn't enough, when they finally find the kid's mom, javier finds out she's blind. recently blinded actually. that she used all her strength to get her child to safety and now she has to depend on him to take care of them because she can't do it anymore. her blouse is smudged with porridge.

so javier kneels down and explains who he is, why he's there and that he wants to help. he lifts up a spoonful of food and slowly and carefully starts to feed her himself. she's a complete stranger and javier doesn't hesitate one second to do this for her.

this is who javier is!! this is who he is at his core!! he's kind and he's selfless and he's above all else good!!

if your audience can't imagine javier comforting a child, then you failed your audience. you missed the point of his character.

[notgilderoylockhart]

The Wolfkiller Cloak

So I have this thing where sometimes I see something on screen and my brain just short-circuits. It scratches my brain just right, I need to have this, I need to make this. And that’s what happened in nearly every episode of Interview with the Vampire, but especially in season 2 episode 3 “No Pain”. 

This cloak has seared itself into my brain. The soft shine, the drape, the movement of the fabric (as Lestat is dragged across the floor and smashed against the wall) had bewitched me, body and mind. So I went out researching and decided to make one for myself, based on this pattern for a hooded cloak.

The fabric I used was stretchy velvet (for budget reasons, 6m) and a black lining fabric with a small diamond print (for fun, 4m). The pattern I used doesn't include a lining and I did think about leaving it out but in the behind the scenes footage (and when Armand smashes him against the wall, thank you for that) you could clearly see that there clearly is a dark lining on the inside of the cloak and my brain decided leaving it out just wasn't an option. So I just cut out the front and back piece twice, one velvet and one lining.

It might be 35°C and sunny outside, but you gotta press those seams. At least for the lining fabric. Then we can pin the lining to the the velvet, sew them together at the collar and start hemming the sides. Be warned. It's a lot of fabric, so you're gonna need a lot of space. I would also recommend (if you're using a stretchy fabric like me) to pin and, if you're able, even sew the hems while it's hanging on a hanger. Yes, I handstitched the sides and bottom hem. Ever since I started looking into historical reconstructions, I have kind of fallen in love with the lack of visible seams. Not to mention that hand stitching has also become something of a favorite pastime of mine while rewatching IWTV.

Now I shortened it, which was quite hard to do simply because it's so much fabric and I don't have a mannequin. So I hung it up, pinned where I wanted to cut it, tried it on, took a video, so I could see the where the cut would be and went from there. Took me a few tries, but I'm quite happy with how it turned out.

Now that that's done, we can attach the shorter layer and the hood. My biggest issue was finding some fur, but lucky for me, I was cat-sitting for my downstairs neighbor who has been working as a theater seamstress for 40 year and who was out of town for the weekend, visiting her son who, unbeknownst to me, also worked for a big theater company. And both of them had made it their personal mission to find me some faux fur. And they did. This incredible faux fur was everything I wanted it to be. A wolf-gray with a red shimmer and some darker spots. I was over the moon.

And it was totally worth coughing up hairballs for the rest of the evening. In the original pattern there actually is a hood lining, but I just replaced that with the fur. I would absolutely recommend stitching the fur and the hood together, as the pattern instructions say. Do as I say, not as I do.

The other issue I had was the fur on the hood. I had ordered a faux fur hood attachment for a winter jacket, but the look and the feel just wasn't the same. So I went on ebay, as I so often do late at night, and kind of hit the jackpot. A fox fur stole, not one person bidding on it, 3 days left to go. Yup, I got it. 30 bucks plus shipping.

I mean, come on. What a difference.

The last issue, the final problem so to speak, was the fact that there was a big border of velvet on the inside of the cloak. Now I tried attaching a long piece of velvet fabric, but it just wouldn't sit right and after the 3rd time attaching and reattaching and getting increasingly frustrated I simply took the easy way out. I cut out a triangular piece of velvet and attached it right where the cloak would open. Sue me.

And there you have it.

And because it's summer rn and I don't have the energy to head outside at night to take some actual pics, I decided to whip something up in photoshop.

[divinelolita]

i wanna laugh and i wanna laugh rn😪

its been so long(literally a few days) since i sent smthhh

ill boost u bae dw

AHEM

mk so the whole band(um seperate fic duh) with a bf who be freakishly nice n shit(i feel like ivd sent this bf dont expose me if i did) like if a band member accidentally hit him in the face he would say sorry and say some dumb shit like "im so sorry i shouldn't have been in the way of your elbow. " like what💀💀

or if someone was trying to confess or smth he'd be like "i really don't want to hurt you but no." maybe even as a band memeber is right next to them

and arguments with this mf is probably hell like if it was a band members fault he would accidentally make them think it wasn't and it was his(sometimes its on purpose but they figure it out later) OFC these r examples use what u want🧍🏾

BAHSBDKDBDO I CANFT STOP LAUGHING ON THE FIRST ONE

THE BAND X EXTREMELY NICE READER

teehee i have an essay to write but ummmmm that doesn't matter rn 😇 uhh also if it's bad sorry idk what's going on with me

BILL:

・He's so confused how you can be nice all the time

・He really does try to be nice but he just snaps sometimes omg 💀

・He wonders when your breaking point is

・Like if he turns around carrying something and wacks your fucking face he's so confused why you're not YELLING at him

"Yeah and then- *WHACK* -OH SHIT M/N I'M SO SORRY ARE YOU OKAY?! -"

"No, no Bill I'm fine! It didn't hurt that much."

"..what."

・He just stares at you with his jaw dropped low, slowly nodding to himself

・Or like if he knocks something over and you apologize for it

(I've done that so many times...)

・Reassures you it's not your problem 🤞

TOM:

・nahh you got him FUCKED UP bae.

・He doesn't understand how you can be so nice, I feel like he's a brutally honest mf 💀

・If your in public and somebody is being rude to you and you're just kinda standing there, still staying calm???

・He's just looking at your features trying to find ONE small piece of anger or frustration

・I feel like y'all are couple opposites.

・Like he'd obviously have a soft spot for you 🤗 but he doesn't see the reason to be nice to others when he knows it's not his fault

・Arguments with him oh my god...

・If you keep apologizing and saying it's your fault he eventually sits next to you to comfort you, assuring you everything's okay.

"It's not your fault, M/N. I promise.."

・You'd somehow warm him up a bit, he barley notices himself becoming more kind and carefree.

GEORG:

・was his color green or blue omg i can't remember

・He's...so confused.

・Like if he accidentally smacks you with his elbow and you aren't crying or cursing

"M/N? M/N ARE YOU-"

"I'm okay! It just stung for a second haha..!"

"..."

"..."

・He gets you but he doesn't.

・He just can't see himself being so giddy and happy and nice.

・Anger turns into confusion in arguments, why are you so mad at yourself?

・Loves you so fucking much though, always reminding you that you are amazing and didn't do anything wrong.

GUSTAV

・AHHHH HE GETS YOU!!!!!

・He understands you so much oh my god, he just loves you even more now.

・He'd also try to keep you from blaming yourself.

・Like if he knocks something over and you apologize.

"Oh shit I'm sorry I should have moved it-"

"No honey you're fine, I should've looked where I was going.."

・MWA MWA HE LOVES YOU

・Very slightly confused on how you never snap, how you always keep calm

・He wishes he could be like you bae 💔💔

・In arguments he just tries to calm himself and you down, actually sitting down and talking about how you both feel

OH SHITTT I NEED TO DO THAT ESSAY

[adamnablelittledevil]

Reacting to The Vampire Lestat - Part V (with a bit of spoilers and maybe important quotes?)

Armand!

YAY!

Okay, what the hell is happening?

??????

Seriously, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?

Am I lost because I'm reading the Brazilian Portuguese version and maybe it's not properly translated?

*Downloads an English PDF copy* Yeah, this isn't much better and it looks like it was poorly transcript.

I'm still not sure I'm following...

Well

Whatever

I still like this anyway?

Also, I can see I'll have to read at least this book twice anyway. Maybe more or even the whole chronicles.

Because since Armand showed up I'm DEVOURING this and I can see myself maybe missing a few details... I'll need to read it slower and savor it in the future. I also assume that knowing more of the lore will give me perspective on a future read.

Armand is never boring.

Still my favorite character. :) Let's hope nothing ever ruins that. :) /hj

Not one Lesmand/Armandstat interaction is wasted tbh, I don't care if they're vibing or hating each other's guts, they're always A MOMENT™.

Let's hope nothing ever ruins that. :) /hj

They also have some pretty valid and intriguing conversations, really.

The impression I get is that they want to stay close, but deep down know it's better not to because they're so messed-up and would be even more messed-up as friends or else (and maybe it's the or at least one of the reasons why they attract each other?), but there's some frustration in that acknowledgement too. Like, doing something because you should is not the same as doing it because you want to and... Well.

I mean, there's more I could say, but this is the short version of how I generally feel about them lol.

Can't wait to see all of this on season 3.

Assad is right, I want Armand to be unhinged too. So glad we're on the same page about all thigs Armand ever and that the spirit of Armand posses Assad on a daily basis so he can play him 100% the way I imagine him. SMILING THROUGH IT ALL, CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS MY LIFE RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm also ready for more Lestat (Armand's version) and finally some Armand (Lestat's version). Let the battle begin. I wonder who will be more insufferable.

Little bit of Armand's back story. :/ I wanna put him in a bubble.

I don't really think I'll be interested in Marius, tbh.

Anyway... He's not here yet.

Gabrielle jumps from roofs like Cat Woman and Armand quickly and silently vanishes from places like Batman. I hope we keep the Gotham-esque vibes of these scenes. I think it's super cool tbh.

I also love seeing Armand talking to people telepathically? Feels so much deeper and kind of poetic, idk. Not to mention is such a cool concept. I hope the show explores more of that.

Also, when he stops blocking his thoughts and let's someone peek at his thoughts it feels intimate? And not necessarily romantic or anything like that, but just like, "hey, this is a little piece of my soul, I'm sharing it with you". Or maybe I'm too romantic and trying to find the beauty in everything lol.

But then he finally speaks out loud and it feels deeper and more meaningful as well? I don't know. Maybe I'm becoming insane.

Lestat went like 3 pages without mentioning Armand's beauty. I'm proud of him.

Nevermind, now he is mentioning it 50 times per sentence. Even more than he did before. It's like he regretted it and it's making up for lost time lmao.

Some of the words Lestat has used to describe Armand so far: beautiful, sublime, ethereal, exquisite, perfect, soft, saint, angel (there's more, but it's been so many synonyms for beautiful I can't remember... still, you get the point). Not to mention comparing him to a Caravaggio and Da Vinci paintings.

I feel like he'll run out of words to describe him pretty soon.

I guess we all feel pretty (not) normal about Armand.

This is also ruining it for me, because if someone doesn't describe me as "irresistibly beautiful" then what is even the point, really...

And it's not like they're a couple or anything, SO??? STOP!!!

They're not lovers, they're not friends, they're not enemies, they're a fourth and more sinister thing that not even them can classify, let alone my mere mortal self.

Anyway, I hope Lestat will be even more annoying describing Louis. He set the bar too high now.

I wonder if Louis appears (for a significant amount of time) on this book.

I hope so, but I don't know.

"But I was so glad it was finished. So glad that we could go on. Yet I held to the bars for a long time just looking at the distant woods, and the dim glow far beyond that the city made upon the lowering clouds. And the grief I felt was not only for the loss of him, it was for Nicki, and for Paris, and for myself." This is sad...

"So let him be your patron saint if you need it" LMFAOOOOOO.

Is Gabrielle wrong, though?

NO, SHE ISN'T!

Just have fun with your immortality instead of going on an uncertain quest to find Marius? Stop being stupid???

You'll probably just find danger or disappointment. Or both.

LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF REASON, LESTAT!

"And the sense of grief came back to me, the realization that we were really going, that it was finished with Nicolas and finished with the Children of Darkness and their leader, and I wouldn't see Paris again, or anything familiar to me, for years and years. And for all my desire to be free, I wanted to weep." So, he finally starts making a life for himself away from his abusive family. Then, he is forcefully turned into a vampire, has to live this double life with mortals, without ever being able to be completely open, honest and have real, deep relationships with them. Later, he turns Gabrielle, Nicki, meets Armand and the other of his kind, but they're all so troubled or with completely different interests... And it's clear as a day that they can't stay together anymore, he's slowly coming to the realization he's losing everything and everyone he knows and will soon be alone again... I'm (not) fine.

Also, this is so BPD-coded of him. He's had these pretty sad and traumatic moments, but he never allowed himself to feel those emotions for too long, he always found stuff to distract himself with, tried to see the "the good side" of things, embrace them, be positive instead etc, but you can only ignore it so much until it becomes such a big problem you can't possibly avoid anymore. And then the emotion hits 9483958345x harder than it would have if you processed things properly and had better coping mechanisms. Like, I get him, but OMG. Get him some vampire therapist.

Btw, Armand feels pretty BPD-coded too.

I also heard somewhere that Armand is a Scorpio?

And Lestat is another BPD Scorpio...

That would explain A LOT actually lmao.

End of "The Vampire Armand" chapter and they're parting ways.

So I guess I'll just rot and die, then?

Or...

...Armand will return in the worst possible way lmao.

I tried to find a gif of 2x05 saying "everything is fine!" to represent how I'm feeling right now, but failed, so consider it done anyway. Everything is (not) fine!

[thejournallo]

Hi!

I'm wondering how can I have my faith of manifesting and shifting back. I'll explain briefly but it's been since the pandemic since I tried to apply the law and it's been 3 years since I tried to shift, however I've failed everytime (well, I've succeed for small things not even in my life but things on TV and stuff, but nothing worth it).

I tried everything, I've read Neville, I've interacted with peoples who succeed, I've applied everything, but nothing has worked, in fact, quite the opposite. I've been kick out of my apartment (I'm living with my family rn so dw), I'm unable to stay in college, I've anxiety attack if a small thing goes wrong when I'm watching shows and many other things that prevent me to relax.

The worst thing is I've never been looking more male when in fact I want to be a cute girl so bad. I hate the fact I'm trans because I know my current brain is not strong enough to assume it, I'd rather be a cis women or even stay as it is because I don't want everyone in this society to hate me.

That's why I'm trying to shift. That's the only way I could be me, seeing a therapist or having hormones won't change anything, but even shifting I fail. Each time waking up here makes me want to puke and disappear. I just want to have a strong brain and be the person I should be and deserved to be.

I don't know what I should try anymore. I've done everything, maybe I'm the 1% of people who can't manifest or do anything.

I'm sorry to bother you with this, but that's literally my last chance before doing something stupid or trying to erase my personality in order to be more accepted.

Hi there!

Thank you for reaching out, and I can feel the strength and determination in your words, even through the struggles you’ve described. Manifesting and shifting are deeply personal journeys, and it’s completely normal to feel lost or frustrated when things don’t go as planned. Remember, the power to create and transform is within you, and sometimes, it just needs a clearer path.

One of the main reasons many people struggle with manifesting is self-doubt. This doubt can sneak in as the belief that the opposite of what we want will happen or that our efforts will ultimately fail. When we think this way, we end up “polluting” our intentions with negativity. You deserve to believe fully in your vision, without these clouds of doubt.

Here are a few ideas to help you reconnect with your faith in manifesting and shifting:

Reaffirm Your Strength: Begin with simple affirmations that feel authentic. Saying things like, “I am capable, and my desires are valid,” or “I am moving closer to my true self each day,” can plant the seeds of trust within you. Repetition matters here; affirm whenever you can—over a coffee, while cooking, or whenever you feel down.

Let Go of ‘Perfect’ Outcomes: Sometimes, holding too tightly to the “perfect” vision of our desires can add unnecessary pressure. Embrace your journey as it is, allowing small successes to build your belief over time. Try to notice even the small moments that align with your goals, like those little manifestations on TV. Each one reinforces that your mind is a powerful tool.

Create a Safe Space to Visualize: It can be helpful to set aside time each day to connect deeply with your true self—visualize your ideal self not just in terms of appearance, but in terms of feeling and wholeness. Write down the qualities you admire and want to embody. This isn’t just about seeing yourself differently but feeling the reality of that change.

Trust the Process and Be Kind to Yourself: Trusting yourself can be hard, especially when faced with setbacks. But every day is a new chance. Even small, positive shifts in mindset are victories worth celebrating. And remember, manifesting often starts with loving where you are—even if it’s challenging—because that love and acceptance will help carry you forward.

Finally, it’s okay to reach out for help if you feel overwhelmed. You’re not alone, and there are people who genuinely want to support you. Keep going, and know that you have the strength and worthiness to reach the life you envision. It’s all within you; just take it one step at a time. and if you need im here

-xoxo the journallo

[perfectsunlight]

(𝟓𝟔) - 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐈

𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌: none im sobbing rn

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮

“jimin, again.” 

sweat dripped down jimin's forehead as she danced. she had been executing the same movements over and over again. she was in this predicament because she had made an error in the choreography, and the instructor was furious about it. 

“again.”

her body ached, everything was sore, and she couldn’t think straight anymore. 

“faster. again.”

the young woman inhaled a staggered breath, trying her best to not to shout in frustration. as much as she wanted to yell at the instructor, she couldn’t. she was a trainee, and emotions came second in this industry. you were no longer human once you entered the doors of a company.

“again.”

jimin’s arms moved faster, executing the movements in a more sharper manner, emphasizing her wrist movements as she did so. the sweat on her brow only thickened, making her eyelashes wet from the beads that trickled down.

“do it again.”

it wasn’t until seven more attempts that the dance instructor decided she had enough of humiliating jimin in front of her peers.

embarrassment. exhaustion. empty.

three E’s of feeling that yu jimin could currently feel burning inside her chest. her feet dragged as she made her way down the hall, aches surging with every step she took. her mind was foggy and she didn’t want anything else except going into her room and sleeping until the next year.

SM entertainment was home to talent of all kinds, but it came at the cost of one’s humanity at one point.

her feet moved faster. she already had her destination in mind. her hands knocked at your door, praying that you would answer it and not ningning. when you opened the door, she practically shoved you inside again and shut the door behind her. 

the taller girl’s hands moved to your waist, and your hands cupped her cheeks as tears fell. “oh baby,” you whispered softly. it didn’t take a genius to notice that your girlfriend had a bad day. “let me make you something to eat. you’ll feel better afterwards, i promise.” 

and so that’s what you did. jimin’s eyes watched as she leaned against the wall. you hummed in the kitchen, plating the food you had just made into two bowls. the baggy shirt you were wearing was actually one of hers. the way you softly sang a bruno mars song, the way your hair fell over your face. she had to admit, you had a knack for doing the right things at the right time. jimin was starving, and that was part of the reason why she had a lack of energy today. the food was definitely going to help her feel better, but it was also just your entire existence that made her forget about all of her problems.

the two of you laid on the couch, bowls of food in each other’s hands as you sat in comfortable silence. jimin felt bad. she knew she didn’t want to just sit there and bring up what happened, but she also knew that you were probably going to ask her anyway.

except, you didn’t. you did something else.

“we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” you had whispered softly, your shoulder resting against hers as you set your bowl on the small coffee table. “i know that look on your face.” a small chuckle escaped your lips as you intertwined your fingers together. 

jimin was stunned to say the least. you had been able to read her like it was nothing. without her even saying a single word, you could read her like an open paged book.

in that moment, yu jimin realized something. as her inner turmoil faded, and the sea of doubt in her mind turned dry, a small smile crept up onto her lips.

you didn’t need anything else except her. 

and she didn’t need anything else except you. all she ever needed was you, and sweet nothing.

as the evening unfolded, the weight of the day gradually lifted from jimin's shoulders. the warmth of your presence and the tenderness of your actions reminded her that she wasn't alone in this journey. with you by her side, she felt empowered to face the challenges that lay ahead, knowing that she had someone who understood and supported her unconditionally.

as the night grew darker, you both settled into a peaceful embrace on the couch. no words were needed; the silence spoke volumes. the soothing rhythm of your breathing intertwined with jimin's, creating a serene symphony of comfort and love.

the world outside faded away and jimin knew that tomorrow would bring its own set of obstacles, but she faced it with renewed strength and determination. because she had you—her rock, her solace, and her inspiration.

for jimin, the days of endless repetitions and harsh critiques might continue, but she had found a sanctuary within your arms, a safe haven where her spirit could rejuvenate and her dreams could thrive.

and as the night enveloped them in its embrace, jimin whispered those three simple words that carried the weight of a universe:

"i love you."

you smiled next to her, leaning in to give her a soft kiss on her lips as her hand came up to cup your cheek. her thumb brushed across the skin, relishing in the small gesture you showed.

 “i love you too.”

yu jimin looked into your eyes with an idea she knew the both of you would enjoy. it would turn this bad day around even more than it already had been.

“let’s go write a song together.”

the room was filled with an air of creativity as you and your girlfriend sat side by side, surrounded by instruments and notebooks filled with scribbles and lyrics. the moonlight gently streamed through the windows, casting a white glow on your faces as you delved into the world created by your lyrics.

jimin’s fingers effortlessly moved across the keys of the piano, creating a soft melody that resonated with your emotions. your voice filled the room, the words floating in the air like delicate petals. your lover listened intently, humming to herself a few words as she was determined to craft something beautiful with you.

as you intertwined your thoughts and shared experiences, the room became a sanctuary for creativity. your minds danced with ideas, and your hearts synchronized as each of you poured your souls into the lyrics. verse by verse, melody by melody, eventually led to a weaved tapestry of emotions, a song that would encapsulate love, struggles, and dreams.

in those moments of doubt, you would gently rest a hand on her shoulder, offering reassurance and unwavering support. "we'll figure it out together," you would say, your voice a soothing balm to jimin's creative soul. how fitting was it? that you, her muse and the inspiration for this song in the first place, were further proving her point about it all?

you were truly her sweet nothing, the calm to her chaos, and the eye in her storms. 

hours turned into days as you tirelessly crafted your masterpiece together. the song was half written for the most part, but you and jimin wanted to finish it eventually. 

if only the two of you could see, that like your relationship, the half written song would remain an unfinished story. an unsung song that would never see a life outside of the pages it was written on.

and now, in the present and not the past, jimin sat in SM’s recording studio, tears brimming at her eyes as she stared at the ink filled paged of her notebook. karina ran a hand through her black hair as she stared at the lyrics she wrote all those years ago. the lyrics to the half-finished song she wrote with you, the love of her life, her sweet nothing.

it had been years since you two last worked on it together, the unforeseen ending of the relationship taking you on separate paths. life had a funny way of intervening, the universe putting you two together just to tear you two apart.

as the idol read the words she had penned, a mixture of nostalgia and longing flooded her heart. the memories of why it was written in the first place, the late nights spent harmonizing voices, and the laughter shared in the creation of this half-finished masterpiece came rushing back.

the song had remained unfinished since the day you and karina broke up. she couldn’t bring herself to throw the song out even after she found it almost a year later. yet, here she was now, years later, making the song you two once started together, the song for her solo project.

as she traced her finger along the faded ink on the paper, jimin couldn't help but wonder. the potential of that song, the magic you both had created in those early days, it was something she could not let go to waste. 

it was time to revisit that unfinished song, to rekindle its fire that once burned so brightly.

for a fleeting moment, jimin thought about asking you to work on the song with her again. after all, you were the muse and inspiration for it. however, she quickly shot her idea down, remembering what yunjin had called you that night.

karina sat at the piano, her fingers gently caressing the keys as she stared at the lyrics you had last penned all those years ago. there were two phrases you had last written.

they said the end is coming.  all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing.

she took a deep breath, closing her eyes and calming her mind for a moment. she thought about everything that had happened recently with you two. jimin thought about the way she felt back then, and how she felt now. truth be told, there was not much of a difference in how she felt back then compared to now.

she still remembered everything, she could see the memories as clear as day. it felt like yesterday to her, honestly. it was all the same, but somehow not. she still hated her company for making her break up with you. she still hated how minjeong had a hand in all of this mess. she hated how all around her, it seemed as if there was no safe place to just be herself. 

it seemed like there was always someone or something that would come after yu jimin’s happiness. 

"industry disruptors and soul deconstructors," she softly sang, her voice filled with a mixture of vulnerability and determination. the words echoed in the room, resonating with the struggles she faced, constantly pushed and pulled by the demands of the music industry.

karina remembered the way your laugh sounded in that same room all that time ago, and her eyes filled with tears of gratitude and love. "to you, i can admit that i'm just too soft for all of it," she whispered, her voice just barely audible. the weight of the world seemed to dissipate as she poured her heart into the lyrics, finding solace in the honesty she shared in her feelings.

the aespa leader continued to sing, her fingers dancing across the white keys. she remembered the way minjeong had betrayed her trust, and yours, by putting those photos out. it was something that she would never forgive the younger girl for. 

"they said the end is coming, everyone's up to something," jimin sang, her voice tinged with a touch of defiance. the outside world may be filled with push and shove, but in that moment, it didn't matter. in the midst of her love for you, she found a refuge from the noise and the expectations, even now after all this time.

"all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing," karina sang, her voice filled with tenderness. in the grand scheme of things, it was the simplest of gestures—the moments of peace, your soft whispers, the love that transcended the noise of the world—that mattered the most.

as the final note faded away, the raven haired girl felt tears falling from her cheeks. the half finished song you had written together spoke of your journey—the struggles, the refuge, and the profound connection that once sustained it.

just as she did back then, karina knew that she had found her sanctuary in the arms of the person who saw her for who she truly was. this now finished song would be a testament to her love for you, a reminder that amidst the chaos and the demands of the world, all she needed was the sweetness of you.

the song was finally finished, and in each note and every word, she found solace, strength, and a profound sense of belonging. 

and maybe once you finally heard it, you’d still feel the same way too.

┊┊┊┊⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧　✵ ┊┊┊☆ *　　 * ⋆ ┊┊★ * ┊┊* . *　✦ ┊☆ ° ✧　 　 · ★*

you and jimin met as trainees before she debuted, and you two never felt more in love. however, once she breaks up with you before her debut, you completely leave SM entertainment under the notion of needing a fresh start. you eventually debuted a few years later in le sserafim, where you met huh yunjin and have slowly started developing feelings for the idol. much to karina's dismay, she hates to see you have moved on, but deep in your own heart, you still can't help but feel as if maybe she has forgotten about you.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @captivq , @wonyoluvr , @yunalvrrr , @spritin , @babycubchae , @vnschldd , @sserafimez , @chaersly , @rosiehrs , @baldd , @bwljules , @jenaissantesworld , @jennasluma , @dream-chasers-things , @lcv3lies , @elyds , @archerheejin , @vnschldd , @skisk1 , @cfvgbhndun-new-blog , @silantryoo , @phamminji , @bzeus28 , @writingficsblog , @strangegirlcode , @uzumakioden , @noiacha , @sserabey , @archerheejin , @pindoris , @yourstrulytrissmerigold , @jisooftme , @yacii , @ddrummie , @justalittledissociation

[ 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ]

[sanguinemanare]

Hii it is me again hehe

I saw somewhere on your blog maybe 2-3 times that BM likes light blue is there any particular reason?

Also you said that it was YN who initiated intimacy so how did Bloodmoon reacted the first time ? (Ik it’s kinda open to interpretation but I’d like your thoughts on this one please :3)

And also what if BM finds YN trying to escape peak obsession? What would be his reaction after YN failure or success? (Can he rage ? Or get really really mad that something doesn’t go his way?)

Let’s say that YN noticed that BM was getting a danger for their safety and decided to take action got him caged or trapped somewhere where they still could see him and interact, what would be is plan ? Would he think of a way to get YN to free him or would he turn to his strength ?

Could Bloodmoon ever learn to be gentle because of that?

Ok well that’s all that i can think of rn ><

Sorry if my questions are obvious, it’s bc im the type of person who like to have the author thought and pov about their creation!

Hi hi! Honestly I love the appreciation and curiosity. Sorry if any of my replies don't make sense, I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words sometimes lol!

So his favorite colour is light blue. There is no specific reason as to why. I honestly just thought it'd be funny, just a big murderous character who loves hurting others, pain and blood and then just….likes a bright blue colour. (I have a stupid sense of humor)

Well for the intimacy part I don't have any set lore behind it. Just that Y/N would have to be the one to initiate because of the type of character Bloodmoon is. Think of him like a slasher film killer LOL Bloodmoon's reaction to any kind of affection is generally confusion and then curiosity, so it'd basically be the same with Y/N showing "interest" that way. He doesn't understand why someone would be showing him any form of it, because everyone else shows fear, anger and disgust. Y/N would basically have to be just as insane as him to start anything like this, I'mma be real LOL. why you getting comfortable with this man that could kill you in a heart beat. Afterward, intense possessiveness would settle and decrease Y/N's chances of leaving even more so.

Y/N trying to leave/escape Bloodmoon at peak obsession can get intense. He always sees these attempts as a game and enjoys the struggle from them. If Y/N is successful at leaving, Bloodmoon would be trying everything in his power to bring them back. This is incredibly dangerous for Y/N and anyone else who is around as he would no longer be thinking clearly and basically tunnel vision on Y/N. Frustration and anger do come into play if he's not getting what he wants. If the emotion is strong enough it eventually twists and turns to a more psychotic/deranged state and it triggers his base hunt and kill coding. There is a very high chance that if Y/N is captured during this phase that they will die.

In my AU Bloodmoon is already basically caged within a specific area so he'd be relatively used to it if it were to happen again. He would be patient and most definitely trying to coerce Y/N into either going to him or letting him out.

During peak obsession however, there would definitely be much more physical outbursts from him. That room would be utterly destroyed LOL. One thing he can do is use his corrupt coding to take control of a few things in the building. He's not exactly good at it though and a lot of the time it ends in failure but during his time trapped he would probably try to hone it to free himself if physically breaking out isn't an option.

Y/N would experience moments of complete silence and stillness from him while he tries this and it can last for hours. If he has literally no way out, he would obsessively watch Y/N any time they appear. Eventually over time he would lose his mind even more so and become even more dangerous.

Soft and gentle moments with him are extremely rare to the point of almost being non existent. He is incredibly stubborn and it's basically in his coding to be aggressive. Changing this would basically change who he is as a being. They could change his personality and coding but it would just be an entirely new animatronic.

[meenawrites]

Humanized Spider: Pt 3

So I've made my peace that I'm not getting work done until I get this all out of my system. 

SO

Ronal's leading Spider's physical therapy, he goes on patrol walks with Tonowari through the village. 

The Metkayina seeing both their leaders doting on this kid just kind of accept it, like they trust them and their judgment and I mean the kid's smile is infectious, people kind of wait for him to smile and are like awwwww (because I said so, he should be loved damnit)

Neytiri still isn't allowed anywhere near him or even within his line of sight. She's definitely calmed down since her altercation with Ronal and has been using this time to reflect on herself, especially with Neteyam's clear protectiveness of the boy and Kiri honestly not really talking to her. Hearing what he's been through and what state he was in really put things in perspective for her and she spends a lot of time communing with Eywa in the cove of ancestors and just thinking over her past with Spider. I'd like to think she realizes how her trauma has allowed her to mistreat a child, but yeah. 

Jake doesn't have as many prohibitions on him of seeing the boy, but he avoids him a lot tbh. Guilt is eating away at him and he can't bear to look at Spider, nor his kids tbh cause they're all so angry with both parents, except Tuk (cause she doesn't really get it).

Aonung also starts kind of taking Spider around with him (I haven't forgotten about him). He was pretty reluctant at first about the human but when his mom of all people went all mama bear over him he was like, well there's no reason for me to be reticent then. His big bro senses are tingling every time he sees Spider now and he's just like must protect, he's so SMOL.

Kiri and Spider spend a lot of alone time together, which doesn't go unnoticed by Ronal and Tonowari (and Neteyam, he knows what's up). They're always holding each other in some way or Spider just kind of shoves his head into her shoulder when he wants attention. She takes him out to the reef and shows him everything she's wanted to show him since the moment she got here. Sometimes they just do activities in silence, basking in the other's presence, other times they'll just talk back and forth nonstop for hours. Kiri makes sure to kiss his growing hair every night and run her fingers through it or pulling at his curls and watching them bounce back up so he knows she loves them. 

Eventually, Kiri does confess to him. I'd like to imagine it's during a night where she's snatched Spider away from Neteyam's protective grasp and takes him out on her ikran for a night flight. Spider's has always loved Pandora's night sky and the stars so she gives it to him. He leans back into her and reaches his hands into the sky as if he could touch them and he looks more carefree than she's seen him since he came back. They land atop one of the few trees near Awa'atlu and settle back against its branches. She tells him she wants to talk to him about something and the seriousness of her expression sobers him up quickly. She says it kind of haltingly, and talks in a bit of a circle before she gets frustrated with herself and just kind of yells, "I LOVE YOU!" then immediately slaps her hands to her mouth, peering at him through her lashes. Spider is just completely slack-jawed and speechless. Like he legit can't believe this is real and actually slaps himself across the face, which serves only to jostle his mask painfully and Kiri hurries to grab his face like what the hell are you doing. And then Spider just starts laughing, his hands coming to cover her own. He can't stop laughing but he's also crying (happy tears yall) and knocks his masked forehead against her own and it comes out of him like an animal that's finally been released from its cage, "I love you, Kiri, so much, since I met you" and BAM adorable beans. I'm trying really hard not to slip into writing a fic rn so moving on. 

Spider's pretty much fully recovered by this point and Ronal and Tonowari finally take him aside and seriously ask him if they can adopt him. Well, Ronal kind of just declares they're adopting him and Tonowari has to correct her and is like, "only if you would permit it. We'd like to officially take you in as family." At this point Spider's cried more than he thinks he has in his entire life during his time with the Metkayina clan but he's still surprised when he tears up again and is just like, "are you serious? Really? Like adopt me like you're my parents?" He obviously can't believe it. And Tonowari's like, "yes, we'd like to be your spirit parents." Spider looks to Ronal for confirmation and wildly wonders if this is some sick joke but she looks just about as serious as he's ever seen her. And he just full on cries. Ronal can't hold back anymore and just pulls him to her side and lets him cry while Tonowari lays a hand on the back of his neck. 

But before officially being adopted, Spider thinks it's time to get some closure with the Sully's. So he has Neteyam ask Neytiri and Jake if they'd be willing to meet with him. It's Neytiri who says yes first, surprising all of them. Neteyam is quick to give a lecture to his parents, the first ever and it feels good tbh, about how they've treated Spider, how Neteyam feels about it, and that he cannot stand by and watch as they mistreat him any longer. He's been obedient for a lot of things, but he's choosing to take a stand against this officially. Obviously all the kids side with him. Tuk doesn't really understand what's going on but she adds in her two cents of, "I love Spider I don't want to see him hurt, please don't hurt him."

They go to meet Spider who has Ronal and Tonowari at his back at their insistence. Ronal is fuming and is dying to say something but she respects her new son's wishes. Tonowari is also angry obviously but he's just happy the kid has agreed and he can try to make up for how he has been treated. Spider flinches when he sees Neytiri but he forces himself to stay sitting. Jake can barely look at him but Neytiri actually looks him head on, and for the first time, he doesn't see a trace of dislike in her gaze, just an eerie calm and an edge of softness that's never been directed at him before. 

Spider takes the lead first. He's spent a lot of time thinking about his past and his relationship with the Sully's (or lack thereof) and a lot of Kiri, Neteyam, Tonowari, Ronal, and even Lo'ak (in a clumsy but endearing way) constantly telling him that he had deserved to be treated better, that who his parents were and had done wasn't his fault, that he was worthy, that it was wrong of them to leave him with the RDA. He couldn't really accept it at first, even vehemently denied it saying he understood. And while his understanding of their actions being motivated by trauma and stuff remained the same, he'd finally come to accept that he had deserved better. And he says as much to the two of them. It's nerve-wracking as hell, but it feels amazing to say, to finally express to them how hurt he felt by Neytiri's dislike for him, how awful it had been to have Jake be kind to him but pull away when it began to feel like anything. I lowkey think Jake starts crying tbh while Neytiri just listens calmly and takes everything in.

When he's done, Neytiri speaks first and wholeheartedly apologizes to him, not averting her gaze or anything. She says that he's right, that her experiences clouded her judgment and hardened her heart against him unfairly. It had drawn a thick veil over her eyes and she'd never tried to see him for who he was and not his blood. She makes no excuses for the way she treated him and says she doesn't dare ask for his forgiveness because she doesn't deserve it. She ignored one of the Great Mother's most important teachings and that will weigh on her always. She doesn't apologize for cutting him on the ship because she did what she felt needed to be done to save her daughter. And frankly Spider agrees which has Ronal about to go off in protest, but Spider smiles at her and she backs down reluctantly. Neytiri apologizes for everything else though and swears to Eywa that she will never do or say anything to consciously hurt Spider again, which seriously shocks him. An oath to Eywa is a big deal after all. He almost chokes up because of it. And then actually does when she says, "I see you" and he can feel she really does. 

Jake frankly has no words but tries his best to blubber through an apology about keeping him at arms length, not making sure he as cared for better, for leaving him behind and never attempting to rescue him. I'm not super invested in his apology as I'm writing this rn so I'm gonna skip past it but yeah. 

Spider steals himself then because he's about to admit something big to them. He's already told his new parents and they've coached him on how best to broach the subject. So he tells them that he knows they don't want to hear about Quarritch but it goes hand in hand with their treatment of his and his overall lack of adult care in his life. He explains with some difficulty what was done to him by the RDA, that Quarritch pulled him out of the torture, gave him more care than he'd ever received before and had been the first adult to genuinely care for his life despite how messed up that was. And then he admits to having saved Quarritch, that he made that split second decision because he couldn't just sit and let the only person who'd ever really cared about him drown. Neytiri is shocked to her core. She wants to run and scream but she sees Spider now, truly, and made an oath to Eywa, so she can't help but face up to the fact that this development was her fault. In her fear of how Spider would turn out like his father, she'd inadvertently contributed to this decision. In not going back for him and just taking Kiri with her and leaving, she had created this situation. So she doesn't get mad, doesn't feel like she's allowed to and apologizes to him again, but makes sure he knows that if she ever sees Quarritch again, she will kill him with no hesitation. 

AND THAT'S THAT YALL! For now anyway, I'd accept any asks about this AU (would love to receive some) because I've had a lot of fun writing this even if it hurts me. Spider is adopted by Tonowari and Ronal, recovers, finds his place in the village. Kiri and him go public and Kiri's ready to beat up anyone who says anything about it. Lo'ak is shook and Neteyam's just like FINALLY. Spider and Neteyam are closer than they've ever been. Obviously shit's gonna happen since the RDA is gone but Spider finally feels like he's rooted somewhere, like he's okay and doesn't only have to rely on himself to take care of himself. He's got a family now who fusses over him obsessively. He's about to become a big brother. The love of his life LOVES HIM BACK! And he starts wearing his hair mostly curly and finds his own sense of identity, no longer trying to copy Jake or try so hard to fit in. 

I'd like to say he's eventually blessed by Eywa and can breathe their air BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT! But yeah that's enough for now. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!

PS Ronal and Tonowari begin making him a new songcord.

[houserautha]

Hello! I’m back again to ramble about what I loved from part 7 🥺🥺🥺 your writing + mind never ceases to amaze 🥲🥲

So many things happened this chapter omg… I felt conflicted about what happened btwn reader and her parents - lady Jessica’s words sounded so kind and supportive, but the necklace and the reminder of reader’s “duty” was so frustrating and sad. This coupled with what happened with Leto (can’t blame the guy for trying cause I know he loves Jessica and his family and probably just wanted to soothe things over) just emphasised how alone she is after everything… kind of feels like there’s really no one else reader can trust or rely on, except her husband now lol. I loved that she had the presence of mind to send Jessica off the way she did by picking apart their positions… brutal. Loved that for her 🥲

I loved the wedding and everything that happened. Feyd was down bad 😂 he is so sweet/ romantic in his own way - presenting Ze’ev as a gift and also doing the salute to her… I think her killing Ze’ev so publicly would also help her standing with the general public lmao on top of it being personally satisfying to have him be punished by her own hands (as traumatising as it also is). Asha explaining that the salute was him being her willing soldier just killed me. It was so romantic, it would have been all I could talk about too LOL. Him saying that she’s an extension of himself gave me pause tho it was both sweet in a twisted way but also just possessive/ obsessive but then again this is Feyd we’re talking about lol

I feel a bit nervous about what’s to come in the next chapters because of the reappearance of the Harkonnen/ Sardaukar soldier (tho I suspect he’s actually the latter because reader noticed that he was different from the other Harkonnen soldiers when he first spoke to the Baron…?). Will reader discuss these things with Feyd and warn him? I know it’s not something that’s really on her mind rn (I don’t blame her cause I’d also be more preoccupied w getting to know/ being turned into a mess by my husband LOL) but still 🥲

I also loved the ending (for obvious reasons) 🥲 it was sweet of him to support her and remind her that she’s important, in his own way 🥲🥲

As always, thanks for sharing your amazing writing 😭❤️😭❤️

Never stop rambling because it makes my whole day when I get to hear people’s thoughts on my story😂🙌🏻

Its so fun to explore how Feyd would show devotion because he definitely has some wires crossed about it😂🥴 I love the analogy of him being a cat bringing you dead mice because that’s essentially what he did with Ze’ev

Some of your questions will definitely be answered in the next part🫢 the plot is thickeningggg

Thank you anon for your thoughts and your kind words, you’re so sweet❤️

[chilewithcarnage]

hi,

first off, you are awesome and i love following you. amazing taste and an absolute great person all around. want and hope better things for you and your family bc y'all deserve!

i think the past few weeks, but moreso lately, this site is just the blog version of a03 where it centers white gay (maybe lesbian?) fandom weirdos who are freaks for all the wrong reasons.

like i don't remember the circumstance of karp(?) leaving and who was the owner before the current trash rn, but at the very least even if this site was predominately white, i can still find corners of black or other poc blogger's content to enjoy and it's getting harder to do that!!

also bc i'm isolated, i'm obvs horny, but now nsfw blogs are being nuked even though there's an existing mature content filter so like what's the post (besides attacking trans women rmfe). like it feels like the acceptable freaky things are like fucking i*cest, i just want to see black women make out and twerk jfc

(also on larger scale there's an uptick of ~faux~ i*cest p0rn i.e step family shit and like whyyyyyy????) i just want hot women (of color) being all over each other is getting harder to find or filter through or isn't behind a paywall :((

i'm just a wall of anxiety and dread bc of everything going on w/ the genocides, covid denial, yt ppl in general, and this staff so idk where to turn with this anger and frustration

sorry to vent but i don't have anyone to talk to. ilu and wishing your sis a safe work trip and that she gets to have a couple days to enjoy herself at least

hey friend, starting off thank you so much for the kind words and well wishes my sis did manage to have safe trip she's been back for about a week now. now I get where you're coming from completely and I don't mind being a listening ear for you, I'm honestly sorry that took so long for me to respond to you. It is in fact frustrating the way that tides have turned in terms of the culture and populace of tumblr and how it's run and who's running it. I've been on here for 11 years and idk if I can say the current wave of things is the lower point this site has ever been at but it's pretty damn close. I was so confident that yahoo wouldn't have ended up bagging this place but look where we're at now, missing 75% of our original user base, 💖💙🤍💙💖♀️ getting deleted left and right. it's a shit show indeed. don't even get me started on the lack of black and brown oriented nsfw content and the rise of the proshit ppl.

[ihavemanyhusbands]

Honey Bun (18+ Series)

(Aaron Hotchner x Stripper!Reader)

Part 2 // MINORS DNI

WC: 2.2k words

Song Inspo: Time - Sevdaliza

Series Warnings: Eventual smut, bit of an age gap (placing reader at around 25-26), cursing, alcohol consumption, formalized sex work (Stripper/Pole Dancer), occasional angst, drama, and that's all I can think of rn but lmk if I missed anything!

A/N: Can you hear that? That's me screaming in the distance as I wrote this. PLS ENJOY AAAAA!!!

---------------------------------------------------

Aaron had been stuck in your head all day. You couldn’t help it, really. Even when you tried to concentrate on other things, your mind would betray you and stray back to him. It was puzzling, but also pretty frustrating.

You thought about him as you got ready backstage — frosty blue eyeshadow that matched your outfit, lips irresistibly glossy, smelling of frangipani and vetiver. Eyes roaming over your reflection, you thought of just how good your name sounded on his lips. How titillating it was that he’d called you Honey, entirely too close to being in on your secret.

For once, flirting had not felt fake or uncomfortable! And not to mention how respectful he was…

You thought of his piercing gaze and the way the low light glinted in his dark eyes. You tried to imagine him in the crowd, standing out among all those anonymous faces watching you on stage now.

An expanse of bare skin aglow in the neon lights; Strong limbs and taught muscles. Bending and swaying and making pretty shapes as you spun on the pole.

How might he look at you then? 

You tried  — really tried — not to think about that too much as you absently gathered your newly earned riches. Automatically, you went straight backstage to stash it away with all your things.

“You seem distracted, Honey Bunny,” Gia — your closest friend at the Crimson Lounge — commented, adjusting her mesh top in front of the mirror.

You snapped back to attention. “Do I?”

“Yeah, you’ve been a little spacey. Everything okay?” She asked. “All good with Sadie?”

You nodded quickly, forcing yourself not to sigh. Great, you had a silly little crush and suddenly it was like you forgot how to act. You needed to stay sharp, there was no time to be pussyfooting around.

“Yeah, Sadie’s fine. She’s got midterms right now, so she’s been stressed,” you said. “I guess I’m just not in the zone today.”

Sadie was your younger sister, who was living with you while she went to community college. She was one of the main reasons you worked two jobs.

After your mother passed away and your father remarried and left, you took it upon yourself to look after her. You basically had to drop out of college in your first year and start working in order to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table. 

She wanted to dance, too, which you had no problem with, but you told her to finish her education first. You wanted at least one of you to have a degree.

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything, right?” Gia said, looking at you through the mirror’s reflection.

You smiled appreciatively, grabbing your lip gloss to reapply. “Yes, I know. But all’s good, really.”

In all the time you’d known Gia, your love life had been practically nonexistent. Sure, you’d unfortunately dated one or two assholes, but you never let it get too far. It was better to be alone than in bad company.

She knew some of your worst stories and would never judge you, but you didn’t really want to tell her about Aaron. You didn’t want to jinx it, in a strange way, but there was also not a lot to tell. 

Plus, it was kind of nice to have the secret to yourself for now.

“If you say so,” she conceded as you stepped up to the mirror next to her. “Here, I’m up soon, give me a lil bunny kiss for good luck.”

You turned to face her with a small chuckle, and the two of you gingerly rubbed noses together.

—————————

“Well, well… look who’s back,” you said with a smirk as Aaron sat on a stool by the bar.

He smiled lopsidedly. “It’s nice to see you again, Honey.”

Almost a full week had passed since you last saw him. Most of those days, you would sneak hopeful glances at the door. Whenever she caught you, Josephine would snicker to herself, shaking her head in amusement. 

You were actually kind of surprised he’d actually shown up again, especially so close to the end of the night, but you weren’t going to complain.

You poured him his drink and slid it over. “So, you couldn’t resist the lure of the Duchess for too long, huh?”

He chuckled, taking a sip of scotch. “Well, this is actually kind of embarrassing but… I came in on Saturday, but you weren’t here. Didn’t stay long then.”

Your traitorous heart began pounding in your chest. You snuck a glance at Josephine, who was busy closing someone’s tab. Had she seen him?

“Oh, yeah, I’m not here on weekends. I have another job,” you shrugged, trying to be nonchalant.

“Where?” He asked seemingly before he could think about it.

You raised an eyebrow. “Why? So you can come stalk me there, too?” 

His cheeks actually grew red and his eyes widened a little. “Um… ha, well, I-”

“I’m just kidding, silly!” You chuckled. “I’m sorry, you should see the look on your face.”

He shook his head, visibly relaxing. “Just felt like yanking my chain, didn’t you?”

“It is kind of fun,” you smirked.

“So you are a busy girl, you weren’t kidding,” he commented, with admiration in his tone. “And of course, you don’t have to tell me about all that you do.”

“A girl has a right to secrets, doesn’t she?”

“I do like a little bit of mystery…” 

“What about you?” You asked. “You haven’t told me what you do.”

“Well I’m an open book, so I’ll tell you.” He brought something out from his pocket, opening it to reveal an FBI badge. “I’m a profiler with the FBI. Formerly a lawyer.”

How fitting, you thought to yourself. Still, you couldn’t help but deflate a little at this revelation. Not that you were expecting anything with him, but this made the chances much slimmer.

“No wonder you’re a workaholic,” you said. “Needing to catch so many bad guys out there and all.”

“I try to,” he looked down at this glass, nodding absently. 

He seemed lost in thought for a moment, so you decided not to press the issue. When he looked back up, he’d decided to change the subject.

“This is going to sound weird, but do you know of a good place to get pancakes in the middle of the night?”

—————————

And so you found yourself sitting in a booth across from Aaron, the much brighter lights of the 24 hour diner letting you get a better look at him.

It was two AM and he looked exhausted but content, not to mention oh-so-ruggedly handsome. You hoped you didn’t look worse for wear under the fluorescent glow.

He’d gotten a short stack of buttermilk pancakes with a side of bacon, which he was now digging into with fervor. You’d opted for some fries and a vanilla milkshake to dip them into.

“Someone was hungry,” you commented, utterly amused.

“Famished,” he confirmed, wiping some maple syrup from the corner of his lips with a napkin. “Sorry if I’m losing my manners a little bit here.”

“All good, I’m kind of enjoying it actually,” you giggled, dipping a fry into your shake. “This is one of my favorite treats.”

“Can I try?” 

“Sure, come closer,” you said, and he leaned forward so you could feed it to him.

“Hmm, not bad. It’s interesting.”

“My little sister and I used to have it all the time when we were kids. My mom got us into it,” you said, smiling a little at the memories. “She was such a sweet tooth.”

“Always nice to honor tradition,” he smiled, understanding there was something tender about this moment. “Right in this diner, too?”

“Oh no, it was back in our hometown. That diner was close to the highway, so a bunch of trucks would always be parked outside. Bit of a seedy place, sure, but I kind of loved it. The food was great, but definitely greasy. I remember there was an old jukebox that always played things like Buddy Holly or The Mills Brothers.” 

You looked out the window for a moment, mind wandering back to the past. To a time when things weren’t so complicated and you always felt safe and happy and taken care of. It all seemed so foreign now. Not that you weren’t happy these days, but… it was just different.

“So you like old, old music,” he said, bringing you back to the present. “I do like me some Mills Brothers, too.”

“Yeah, I’ll listen to anything. I love music, but there’s something about those old songs… They’ll get you.”

“Bit of a romantic, aren’t you?”

You couldn’t help but grin, feeling uncharacteristically coy. “How do you figure?”

“Hmm, let’s just say I have a knack for these things,” he smirked, pushing his empty plate to one side and leaning his arms on the table. “Have I told you yet that you are beautiful?”

“You have, but I don’t mind hearing it again.”

Your phone buzzed with a new text message from Sadie, and you saw it was nearing three AM now. 

“Should we get the check?” You asked, reaching into your purse for your wallet.

“I’ll get it,” he said, waving you off as he flagged down the waitress. “And I’ll drive you home, too. No arguing about it.”

You raised both eyebrows. “Is that an order?” 

“Yes.”

After settling the bill, you climbed into the passenger side of Aaron’s SUV. He handed you an aux cord so you could plug your phone in, and you decided to play some Chet Baker on shuffle.

And of course, ‘I Fall In Love Too Easily’ just had to be the first song to come up. Neither of you made any comment on it, instead remaining mostly quiet on the ride to your place. You guided him through the darkened streets, sneaking glances at his profile. 

When he pulled up to your condo, you unbuckled your seatbelt but did not get out just yet. You looked at each other, both unsure of how this night would end. 

“I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you,” he said finally. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask for your number last time, I just didn’t want to presume…”

Wordlessly, you extended your hand towards him. He handed you his cellphone, and you saved your information on it. You even took a selfie blowing a kiss at the camera to keep it as your contact picture, and you saw he was smiling lopsidedly as you handed his phone back.

“Problem solved,” you said with a wink. “I’ve had a really nice time, too.”

“We’ve got to figure out a better time for our next date. Can’t just take you out gallivanting at the hour between the dog and the wolf… It speaks poorly of me.”

You smirked mischievously. “Oh, so this was a date?”

He hesitated for just a brief moment, once again worried he was stepping too far. In that moment, it only made you want him more. After all, you shouldn’t even be jumping into conclusions about where this could all lead or what it meant. There was only the present.

You leaned on the dashboard between you, propping your chin on your hand and fluttering your lashes. 

He swallowed hard. “I suppose I could’ve been clearer but… yes. To me it was.”

“Well, if this was a date, does that mean I can bid you a proper goodnight?” Your voice was low and sultry, eyes drawn to his lips as you leaned in even closer.

In the next second, his hand was cupping the back of your neck, pulling you in to meet his kiss. You adjusted so you were kneeling on the seat, hands on his face. Softly, he sighed your name into your mouth as you parted his lips with your tongue. 

It was a slow and sweet kiss, very much exploratory. He let you set the pace, tongue tangling with yours. You let your teeth graze his bottom lip, which elicited a deliciously deep groan from him. Desire roared to life within you, and you wished you could press firmly against him.

When he tried to adjust his body, he accidentally elbowed the horn, and the two of you abruptly broke apart as it blared a single note. You momentarily shared a startled look, but then you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Forgot myself for a moment there,” he panted, also chuckling at his own clumsiness. “But I guess that’s my cue.”

You tilted your head to one side, just a little perplexed. His dark eyes were glazed over with lust, but he didn’t even ask if you’d invite him inside. For your part, you were craving more — so much more — but you weren’t going to push if he wanted to be such a gentleman. 

You leaned in for another quick, chaste kiss — One that had a promise for more behind it. When you pulled away, you let your eyes rove over his face, a smirk tugging at your lips.

“Sweet dreams, Aaron,” you said as you opened the car door. “And by that, I mean I hope you dream of me.”

“I really hope so too, Honey.”