#everything i wanted bc she just kept saying she didnt remember what i was talking about

[juniestar]

Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE

[kath-artic]

thank god for crazy women 🙏

[en-gelic]

—✮ kiss and make up - s.jaeyun

🖇️contents. richkid!jake x richkid!f.reader, situationship, fluff

@ warnings. petnames, suggestive, kisses, cheating (?), injuries, mentions of death. lmk if i missed anything!

💭featuring. haechan (nct), karina (aespa) + the rest of the enha members.

# ; taglist. @i57berry @cholexc (open - send an ask or comment to be tagged on all my works !)

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 extras. for my bby @i57berry bcs we both need this ><! wc.2.8k PROOFREAD 𓍯 library ๋࣭ ⭑

I - HE CHEATED, BUT HE DIDNT ?!

The teacher’s voice died out as you zoned out, remembering her hand in his hair and his hand on her waist. You were pissed for no reason, because after all, it was just a fling. A fling you’d eventually forget about after you graduated in a month. The bell ringing brought you back to reality as students bustled with energy, each talking over one another. You sighed again, leaning your head against your arm, looking at the weather that was gradually getting warmer as spring blossomed at its own pace. The scraping of chairs beside you ended your daze as you turned to your friends, Haechan and Karina, who were now surrounded by your chair, forming a semicircle around you. Each with their own personality, you listened as they talked over each other, more or less asking the same question.

“Does he know you know?”

“Does he think you don’t have eyes?”

Clearly, the former was said by Karina and the latter was by Haechan. “I don’t know.” You replied dully, trying to reassure your friends before they started doing something out of hand. You barely got your second sentence out, before two veiny hands slammed themselves on your desk. Trailing up his arm, you met his serious look. Sim Jaeyun (or Jake as he liked to call himself), the topic of your conversation.

“Come with me.” He said gruffly. Before you could reply, Haechan had already spoke for you.

“Ask politely, Jakey boy or she’s not going.” Your head shot in his direction, trying to tell him to shut up before he ruins everything. At hearing the nickname he hated the most, he glared at Haechan, a sardonic smile playing on his lips.

“Come with me, please.” He teased, causing the other boy to move abruptly out of his chair. Both you and Karina, put your hands on his shoulders which he shrugged off, sitting back down in between the two of you girl. You exchanged a look with Karina as you both held back your laughter at his temper. Moving your head to look back at the boy he seemed pleased with himself for irritating Haechan, you imitated his sardonic smile before replying, “I’ll go with you.”

Standing up, you caught your friend’s looks from the corner of your eye. Haechan’s was a look of pure horror, as if he had just seen a ghost. He opened his mouth to protest but was quickly blocked by Karina’s hand, as she gave you a small smile that meant ‘good luck’. As you followed the boy out of the loud classroom, you wondered whether he knew what he saw him do. You kept reminding yourself that it was just a fling and that it meant nothing even if he was kissing another girl.

Leading you to an empty classroom, you walked in as he closed the door behind you. At least even if he was a cheater (not really), he still had basic chivalry. In a flash, you were pinned against the wall, his lips pressed against yours. You overcame the initial shock, quickly reciprocating his action, only stopping once his hand began exploring your torso. You took it, pulling him so your positions were swapped, and you were pinning him against the wall. He looked down at you and you cursed your height mentally for making this less intimidating than it was supposed to be.

“Do you have something you want to say to me?” You asked, using one useful rule your parents taught you. Well, they didn’t teach you directly, but you heard from their arguments that you should give the person time to think about what they’ve done before having a go at them. It was mainly used by your mother and had succeeded in saving your father when he had done something he was unaware of. You felt like melting under his stare, but having been taught to compose yourself always, you didn’t falter as he straightened up, causing your hand to lose its place on the wall.

“What have I done?” He hummed in teasing way, pretending to think. “Is it because I pissed your little friend off? Or because I slammed my hands on your desk? Or…” He teased you again, smiling with obvious arrogance. “Or are you jealous because she had her hands in my hair instead of yours?” You struggled to try and defend yourself against his tactics.

His smile deepened into a boyish grin, knowing he caught your weak point. He shook your hand off his wrist and brought it to squish your face. “I made my pretty baby jealous,” he fake-pouted. “Do you want a gift as a sorry?” Contemplating if it was a trick question, you didn’t answer, reading his next move. In an instant, you flipped back to your previous position, your back pushed against the wall as you felt your tie loosen and the buttons on your shirt open. Later, his actions caused a trail of hickeys down your neck that horrified your friends as they helped you apply concealer over it before going to academy. If you were going anywhere else, you wouldn’t have worried about whether your hickeys were peaking above your shirt or not, but due to your parent’s overprotectiveness, your mother’s best friend was teaching there to keep an eye on you.

“I don’t understand why you just keep going back to him when he clearly isn’t going to be committed.” Haechan complained as you three made your way to academy. Karina wasn’t the least bit worried about where you got your hickey’s from, all she worried about was them showing as she lathered more concealer on your neck.

“What would you know about commitment, Haechan, judging by the fact that you just broke up with your girlfriend because you found someone prettier.” You deadpanned, watching him go silent in realization.

“That’s because I was worried about emotionally cheating on her, so I saved her from the pain. Unlike you, who still goes back to him even after he ‘cheats’ on you and says sorry by leaving massive hickeys on your neck.” He defended, opening the door to the academy, waiting for the two of you to enter.

You sighed, walking in and organizing your tie. “I wish you were more like Karina.” Watching Haechan’s horror as he acted offended and scoffed at your sentence. You turned in Karina’s direction, flinging your arms around her. “I wish there were two of you.” You added dramatically. Karina laughed at the two of you, watching as Haechan flung his arm around your shoulders, dragging all three of you by his weight. You stumbled together in a mix of arms and legs as your laughter saturated the hallways.

II - NEVER TRUST A BASKETBALL PLAYER !!

You sat watching the repetitive cycle of Haechan promising that he would get in the next shot. He wasn’t supposed to be doing that in the first place. Karina, who claimed she loved you, had told the school’s basketball coach that the three of you would clean up the basketball court before the last school basketball game for the 3rd years — Only 2 more weeks until graduation. The only issue with that is the fact that you and Jake were supposed to go on a date which he had directly asked you to, two nights before you were forced to clean a basketball court.

“This is for you.” Haechan said, flirtatiously winking at you before missing the hoop horribly again.

“Even I could do a better job.” You commented, taking the ball away from him. As usual, he threw a bit of a tantrum, which caused you to give it back to him, resulting in his mock sadness sprouting into glee again. This was really not the way you intended to spend your Friday evening. You sighed for the nth time and began cleaning the seats. In between the two places for seating, you tripped on the corner of the baluster, resulting in you getting a cut on your knee. You sighed again, the evening getting progressively worse. Luckily you could escape some cleaning torture for about an hour or two before they notice your disappearance. You quietly excused yourself, slipping out of the court and walking to the nurse’s office.

You took a seat on of the beds as a male nurse came to treat you. There were never any male nurses in your school though. It was too late in the evening for the head nurse to be there, so you had a reason not to question it. He was wearing a mask, but he looked and acted oddly familiar, the way he treated your knee with gentleness as he applied disinfectant on it. You could tell he was a novice by the way he was pulling a face as he wiped the blood away from your knee. You watched as he put on a very girly and unprofessional Hello Kitty band aid on your knee. He removed his mask, revealing his face as the one you were supposed to meet before you got involuntarily chained to the chore of cleaning. He leant down and pressed a kiss on your wound, now covered completely by the pink bandage.

“Jake?” You asked, in utter confusion as to why he was here instead of waiting at the spot you were supposed to meet up at.

“You stood me up, your highness.” He added emphasis to the nickname since he was kneeling down in front of you. You remembered now that you didn’t really give him a reason on why you can’t come.

“But what are you doing here then?” You felt his hand move slightly over your knee, as he moved to sit on the bed next to you.

“I heard my pretty girl was hurt and I came to fix her.” He teased, brushing your hair from your shoulders, making a small sound of disapproval.

“Thank you, Doc Mcstuffins for fixing my wound with your novice skills.” You teased back.

“Your hickeys are gone.” He stated abruptly. You pulled a face at his tone, wondering why he sounded so sad about.

“Those hickeys would have killed me if my parents found out.” “But they were to show everyone that you’re my girl.” Your heart skipped a beat at his sudden use of affection, until you noticed his hand that was sliding up your thigh.

You caught it before it could go under your skirt, cursing yourself for even wearing a skirt and forgetting that Jake could have very well seen everything. You could tell what he was about to do, even before he started moving and you blocked his lips before it resulted in a horrifying trail of large hickeys.

“Don’t ruin my neck. I’m going to an event tomorrow evening and I don’t need my makeup artist asking me questions and reporting it to my parents.” You told him as a warning. He didn’t nod like any normal person would. Instead, he licked your fingers as a sign of agreement. You pulled a face and instantly retracted your hand, about to throw a string of curse words in his direction until his lips collided with yours, a familiar feeling you had grown accustomed to for more than a month. He moved from your lips to your neck as he unbuttoned the top buttons of your shirt, getting ready to leave a hickey in the most ‘discreet’ place. He stopped abruptly at hearing a sting of “ew’s” and “ugh’s” as your friends, who just realized your disappearance and came to look for you. You could admit that you were pissed that they ruined the moment, but it was better than bribing your makeup artist with money. Jake looked more irritated than you.

“What are you guys doing here too?” He asked, his voice clearly masking disappointment. He buttoned up your shirt and moved a bit farther from you.

“We were supposed to be cleaning the basketball court together, until she went to go have a secret rendezvous with you.” Haechan added circling the three of you.

“You weren’t even cleaning.” Karina directed to Haechan, moving to leave the room as the said boy looked at her in disbelief.

You turned back to Jake. He was smiling, but less pissed than before. He placed a peck on your lips before saying, “Wish me good luck for my game tomorrow, pretty girl.” Before walking past Haechan and throwing the middle finger in his direction.

“I hate you guys.” Haechan said, before walking to examine your cut.

III - BYE BYE LOSERS !!!

It was finally the day of graduation. You had spent the evening before at Haechan’s house, giggling with the two of them about how university was going to be and where they should go on their trip to celebrate finishing school. It was so weird how 12 years felt so long, but short at the same time. Long in the sense that it felt like it dragged on every year, especially since it gradually got harder like questions in a math test, but short now that you remembered everything that happened in those years and how you wanted to go back in time to start again. Clearly, you wouldn’t if you actually had the chance, but just for the sentiment. The night was longer than anything. The only thing that would get you to sleep was playing white noise in the background.

When the morning finally did come, the house was noisier than ever. Not only were the three of you crying every two seconds, but makeup artists and hair stylists streamed in and out of the rooms, looking for missing brushes, hair curlers and hair straighteners, thoroughly irritated with the way the tears endlessly spilled down the freshly put eye liner. It took all three of your parents to come in and distract you guys to stop you from crying. You each decided to wear your school uniforms for the last time before they began collecting dust.

The graduation ceremony was longer than expected, causing your mind to wander in thoughts of him. You saw him with his friends, much farther from where you were sitting causing you to struggle to look at his face. You had barely gotten to exchange words that morning since everyone was rushing to the ceremony, which dragged on as the principal gave a speech on how youth is just a moment in time and other things he thought would invoke tears to the students who just wanted to leave. You watched as they called out each and every one of your names.

You wouldn’t cry. You never cry in public. You reminded yourself over and over again as the ceremony came to an end.

You dawdled around taking photos with your friends, teachers and parents, not caring about how the photos turned out. You just wanted to see him. The day was ending rapidly, and every second seemed to speed up as it was almost time for you to leave the school for good. You excused yourself by saying you wanted to take one last look at the school before leaving and you hovered alone around the empty outdoors, looking for any sign of him. He wasn’t just a fling you had finally admitted to yourself after months of battling over it. You stalked around slowly, looking down at the ground, trying to bite back tears of the memories you spent making chaos in the school. A tear barely rolled down your cheeks before you felt light flower petals falling over you. You looked up and saw a glimpse of one of Jake’s friends sprinkling them on the school grounds, along with a letter you caught without difficulty. You knew it was from him by the handwriting on the front of the letter. To your surprise it was a love letter. As most of it was written in English except for a very messy looking ‘I like you’ in Korean, you finally put some of the knowledge from school to use as you read the letter, smiling at his bashfulness in his writing. You looked up, your smile obvious as you found him smiling back down at you.

“Your confession was lame, you loser.” You teased, watching as he jokingly acted offended.

“I take it back. I don’t like you anymore.” He puffed, pretending to be irritated at you.

“Fine. I like you too.” You watched his fake pout turn into an instant beam. “Although, I don’t want to catch you kissing other girls and apologizing with hickeys.” You warned, walking up to where he was standing. He instantly engulfed you in a hug, continuously repeating how much he liked you and promising that he’d never cheat on you. Later, the two of you walked through the school grounds hand-in-hand, slowly remembering your first time you saw him. As you exited the school grounds, you turned back, pulling a face at the school, even though no one could see you.

Bye-bye losers, you thought, letting go of Jake’s hand and running off ahead of him, the boy instantly reciprocating your action.

© en-gelic 2024.

[bigmack2go]

Ok so it’s been two days so i think I’ve finally processed everything enough to talk abt it

(Lmao that sounds like trauma. It actually about meeting sky)

So

Yk he texted me to meet him infront of the bar. I read AT the bar so i didn’t see him for a while (i didnt realise this until today) and the. He came in instead. He was rly confused for a second and didn’t see me. He looked around and the other person other than me (besides the bartenders) was some rly old man. Mind you: i told him what i looked like and that was NOT it and he looked a little lost but in an abnormaly adorable way (he was fidgeting with his hands and ahh. Sometimes i forget he’s human/silly so that was a very beautiful reminder of that)

Anyway so i went to him and i he still didn’t notice me for another few seconds. My mind was blank though so i just stood there like 🧍 until he saw me. The next few seconds are just gone from my memory. (I have extreme memory loss and i didn’t take my meds that day so any second i wasnt hyper aware of what was happening, is just,,, gone. And since i have adhd too, that happens a lot)

well anyway so i said “i made something… well they’re not done yet but” and i took the shoes i made out. I asked if he could sign them and he was just like really in shock. He was really flashed by the shoes but also that i wanted him to sign them. He just looked at them for a while and kept complementing them (i died btw) and then at some point he just stopped mid sentence and was like “wait- hold up, did you say you want me to sign those?!” Like he was Not Prepared ForThat At All. Like bro was so flashed and then i think that thing that i wanted him to sign it hit him off guard idk. I magically had a pencil apear (i hid it in my sleeve before that bc for some reason i thought that was a good idea) and he was like doinh a double take at something he didn’t even look away from? Idk. Well so he signed them and he was like,,,, spelling it aloud and it was adorable and i wanna die. (He also really didn’t wanna sign anywhere he shouldn’t and he was rly unsure and askee a few times”

“Okay lets see where do i— where do you want me— there, i’ll sign there is that okay? Okay. Okay so….. there. S. Mhm. K… oh that’s a weird K. And Y. There. Sky. Thats my name” (thats word by word what he said) (how cute do u wanna be? Him: yes.) and then he gave them back to me and there was A LITTLE HEART BEHIND HIS NAME AND WHEN I TELL YOU I ALMOST SCREAMED IN HIS FACE. It doesn’t look like a heart. More like a defirmed triangle but the intention is clear…

Well the. I asked if we could take a foto. Mind you, my phone has one if thos protection thingys where you cant see the display when you lopl from the side. Anyway i dint remember what he said or when he put his arm around me but the next thing i remember his arm was around my shoulder and his face was like…. Touching mine(?) (that sounds creepy as hell wtf) i was really shaking and i couldn’t see the display i just say that he was frowning a little after not taking another foto. I didn’t think anything of it in the moment and just thought he was still suprised i wanted a foto.

Well now this part i remember VIVIDLY. We were tlking a bit more and i was shaking even more now on account of I WAS LITTERALY HAVING one of SKY FLAHERTYS ARMS AROUND ME TWO SECONDS EARLIER.

Well he noticed i was shaking and put a hand on my shoulder (i double died) and then he like hugged me. (I got revived) It wasn’t like a side hug but also not a face to chest hug, but something inbetween. It was slighty awkward but at the same time not at all and ig even felt sort of casua? This time i was caught of guard and i was just staring at the air. (The bardender saw it and she winked at me and i did like a little silent scream with my face and she chuckled) well that all happened in like three seconds tops. So when we pulled apart (sounds like we were kissing WTF) i was like, ‘ok this felt like a good bye hug, this is a good time to leave’ (i regret that with every part of me.) and i started to leave. (He looked a bit confused. He probably thought i was gonna stay a bit longer, conciddering how we talked earlier)

Now this is where the bad thing happened.

Okay so Sky like,,, realises i’m leaving and he’s like “oh okay, uhm well, again, rly like the shoes and… nice meeting you!”

Now what did i do? The logical thing would be (not to leave at all ever again ever. why did i do that???) to say “thanks, nice to meet you too!” But no. Brain-less little me walked backwards (almost tripped) nodded and said “Guten Appetit” IN GERMAN. (For the record sky does not soeak german. And if he did, what i said was “bon apetit” in german. He was NOT about to eat) he looks at me like the moron i am. Like he looks at me like a literal moron like i’m a crazy idiot or smt. He literally did the Albert face when Race says “I’m famous!”(but i’m pretty sure that was just pure confusion. It didn’t look like an action he had any control over)

Anyway so i blush. Turn around and just,,, get away as fast as possible. When he gained back his composure (which was a lot faster than me obviously) he was like “Wait i still have your magic— oh whatever” (i pretended i didn’t hear it cause i was so embarrassed ydek) well it turns out he still had my pencil.

Anyway so then i texted him like this that “what i meant was nice to meet you too. Sorry. Got nervous” and he said “your fineeeeee” and i didn’t know what to answer but i had already read the message. So i take a screen (no tume for copy paste) and send a message to everyone person i can think of with the question of what to say. (Shoutout to @chaosfairy18 who saved me from an actual breakdown there. She answered rly rly fast)

I ended up saying thanks again and that it was rly cool. Then for some reason i said “also my mom says hi” (she didn’t. Idk why i did that. I legitimately do not remember.)

And thats it. I’ve said most stuff before but you wanted to know what exactly happened so here it is ig

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey cas, so this just happened and im so pissed abt it.

So me and my brother both have tumblr right. When he first got it i was the one who helped him set it up bc i convinced him to get it. I asked to follow him and he was fine with it and i told him specifically not to follow me or look at my posts bc anything i put on tumblr i either tell him, show him, or dont want him to know. He didnt follow me bc hes a pretty good brother (if this somehow gets back to him, i didnt say that).

Anyway, today i was talking to him about my tumblr with my dad in the room, and he asked what my tumblr username was. I said i dont remember its just a keyboard smash (its not. But i put stuff on here about my sh and things like that. Plus i talk about me being gay and my dad thinks me talking about being gay at all is "making it my whole personality") he said he didnt like that i was "keeping secerts" like what?? So he was a bit annoyed and then my brother a little while later showed me something on HIS tumblr (an out of context comment that i knew the context of) under the table (it wasnt bad we were just doing something else with our family and he didnt want to draw attention to it) my dad got annoyed and asked to see it and then started looking through all of my btlrothers notes (this could genuinely have been a mistake. My brother was accessing the comments from all of his notes and my dad pressed back thinking it would take him to the post the comments were on) then my mom asks to see it and i offer to put it to the post but instead of wanting to see the post she goes to my brothers account. She started going through EVERYTHING his posts, his LIKES, his dash, his messages (he luckily didn't have any, but she tried) his following, and then she went through their accounts. She saw he reblogged the amtrack official and started going through that account. All while my brother was begging her to give him his phone back (not because he had anything secretive but because this was WEIRD) plus she kept laughing at certain things she thought were 'cute' like how his description is something funny about how times new roman is the best font. Then she went through his notes where i was a frequent liker and had commented on a few posts. I even reblogged one and said "hey this is my brother check him out he's funny" and i was terrified she would start doing the same with my account which is fucking terrifying to me bc of what i post and the she would ask to see everything else bc my posts are way more 'concerning' than my brothers.

It felt like such an invasion of privacy bc tumblr is literally anonymous, and that's part of the appeal for my brother and me.

Im worried to show her memes on my dash now. Im worried to show her things that excite me or a tumblr i was planning on making about my baking that i wouldve showed her the entire thing, but then she would probably get to my main account somehow. Idk it felt so weird and wrong, and she was laughing while me and my brother were very obviously upset by it.

I can definitely see why you were upset. THis is like a parent reading a diary, it's not okay at all. You deserve privacy, especially since you didn't do anything wrong! Like it's not like she found out you were doing something illegal and searched your phone for that reason. It's frustrating, because when parents do things like this it makes kids not trust them.

If you feel like you have the relationship with her to tell her it upset you, you should tell her that. But if not, then just know that I think you have a right to be upset. <3

[scover-va]

I need to know more about Michael's mom... Is she a cool mom?

SHE IS A VERY COOL MOM janet afton you will always be famous. to me

Im taking this as a chance to finally ramble abt her anyways so Janet's core inspo when designing her was to avoid 2 key things. Don't make her like Immortal & Th Restless's Clara (due to clara representing michael, not mrs afton, so i wanted to avoid that), and don't base her too heavily off of Ballora. I still have ties to Ballora's character (a music-based theme, blue-centric colour palette, im sure there were more basic ideas but everything else is more hc than themes to keep up) due to my hc thingy of each Funtime having ties to William's wife + kids, but yknow.

But yeah. Funky lady who played bass guitar + did backup vocals in a band during her high school and college years. Literally her and William dating can be summed up by "Seriously, what do you see in that guy?!" "He makes me laugh." bc she was and is WAY out of his goddamn league. Not just bc of the whole serial killer thing he was just an even bigger loser in college. Normal people dont develop a crush on a woman after she nearly breaks your nose and makes you bleed, William /j

But yeah uhh. I also dont like the idea of her being absent or neglectful purely because I got way too attached to her (i was originally gonna do that just to make things easy for myself but. Pretty lady,,, I am a very simple lesbian what can i say) so like. She obviously wasnt the greatest, most fantastic mom to ever exist given she was kinda maybe sorta well aware William was making some weird fucking clowns, but like. Hey. She tried. Also side note my reasoning for her being absent during the whole. Yknow. '83 event (and just evan's bday in general) is bc Evan + Elizabeth are twins and Elizabeth demanded a girls-only trip for her bday, and Janet promised Evan she'd do something just as special for him when she got back. That never happened bc he died lmao loser /j

But yeah uhh. Shes got a lot of regrets. Wishes she coulda done a lot of things better. Kinda dies with those regrets. Ive seen people say that one of fnaf's charms is that no character is 100% good and i LOVE that, and wanted to keep it up with Janet. Good mom and overall a good person, however made some bad decisions along the way and whatnot.

Im still working out specifics (ive been slowly working on a lil private fic abt her and william meeting + their early relationship) but uhhh. Minor notes that dont get their own paragraphs is that William sampled her voice for Ballora so yay easy voice claim, she had an on and off relationship with her band's lead singer (her name's Bev), her birth name is actually Janice Schmidt but if you call her Janice she'll knock at least 2 of ur teeth out, she's a runaway teen and got adopted by this older couple bc her home life kinda sucked (idk specifics yet), and also girlie has an extensive criminal record of minor angsty teen type charges. Also teen Mike dying his hair and then 2020's Michael's hairstyle are both kinda references to Janet's hair because he wnated to look less like his father. Thats all ty. No read more bc you WILL look at my mrs afton post, boy /j

Actually no theres more that im remembering as i write the tags and edit a few details. Back to her and William because god im insane about them. So for starters it. Well i was gonna say Janet was def the first to flirt but i think William definitely developed a crush first and they only kept talking bc of said crush so its kinda up for debate. Anyways yeah at first it was a HUGE sorta like "Well he's funny especially when I fluster him so this can be just a fun lil thing" but because they chatted more they def kinda like. Clicked more. William was a huge fan of listening to her music (from. a distance. he looked kinda like a creep but at least janet only misinterpreted it once) but like *specifically* janet he didnt give a fucking shit abt the rest of the band. Uhh. They had their first run-in and janet kinda. Well. Punched him in the nose before he cleared up that he is NOT a pervert or anything weird like that (bc a guy that looks older than he is staring from a distance when there is a clear crowd he could join kinda gave janet the Wrong idea), then they later bumped into each other in the hall and chatted for a bit, then they kinda just kept "accidentally" running into one another. Uhhh. Some cigaerette-themed flirting and a house party later, yay dating :] can you tell where the current cut-off of the fic is /j Also idk how to put this down properly but they are both runaways and can kinda. Get that vibe from one another. Literally Michael is like some fucked up abomination of the both of them between the troubled past + weird situationship thing + runaway stuff + a lot of minor details that arent important rn. I just. Yeah Janet means the world to me go thru her tag on my blog for some art. Not all of my janet art is posted but the non-posted stuff is all concept work/doodles or just. Shit im too embarrassed to post lmao. Anyways NOW im done ty for reading

[oddogoblino]

So I just had a dream where, essentially, trying to find an artist's art tag for what I bought a sticker of sent me into a strange world where the people there thought they were dogs.

Dream rambling under cut

Like, I was looking for some sticker the artist drew because, in the dream, a friend asked what I'd bought from them so i looked for it because i didnt remember, and suddenly I was in a field and had no clue where I was.

And this short girl with curly hair and her taller best friend with straight hair ended up talking to me and leading me around, asking what kind of dog I was because i didnt look familiar nor like everyone else. The curly haired girl was a chihuahua and the straight haired girl was I think a German shepherd. "Everyone's a dog here!" The chihuahua girl was named Chelsie and the German shepherd girl was named Alana.

They were still very excited, confused, and welcoming to me as they showed me around. They dressed and looked like people but just weren't 100% human looking for some reason. They didn't have like- dog ears or anything, they looked human but like- not- entirely??? I think it was their hands, their hands looked like paws somewhat with fur and claws for nails and darker skin on their palms.

And I'm just wandering around trying to get used to this small town of sorts that they set up in an abandoned amusement park, mainly just walking around, and I meet two other dogs. A tall (compared to me..), muscular man with blonde, messy hair and his unwilling roommate(?) who was an older man with black , graying, cleanly styled hair. I think they were implied to be a golden retriever and a i'll assume a chocolate Labrador given how I remember his hair looking. I think their names were Alex and Ricko.

The blonde man just asks inappropriate questions upon being met, so I ran off to avoid him, and he later sulked and asked his friend why he "can't get bitches like you can" (which is really funny to me-) and the older guy reminisces about when he was younger and was the heartthrob of the town. He was a musician & singer too. He was implied to still have incredible pull but he didn't feel he was as handsome or anything as he once was.

The dream moved on to me with the girls and we're chatting and Chelsie accidentally spilt her friend's snacks on the bed so we were just awkwardly there as Alana began to vacuum them up, the other having left bc she didn't like the noise and me trying to nervously pick out some of the chips(?) that were missed. I remember Alana ended up talking to me about "knowing I don't really seemed to care for them" and how she'd kinda felt I was looking down on them for being dogs after we'd spent the day hanging out & them hunting animals with me tagging along. It was such an awkward moment in the dream, because how do you explain you just haven't figured out how/processed you ended up here to begin with? But we'd talked it out and got on better terms. I went to my new home or sorts after saying goodbye since it was late out.

My home was like- an abandoned apartment that I was given the uh...honor ...ig of fixing up so I could comfortably live there. A gang of dog people ended up hearing about me though and kept trying to break in the next morning while I was away to "see what kind of person I was". They used a literal actual cat to try and sneak them in because they hoped it'd unlock the doors for them or show them another way of how to get in. Cat refused and instead messed with them. Tho I remember I had subtle cat imagery in my room along with things from fandoms i like, which might've indicated I was/was becoming a literal cat person paired with the girl thinking I was looking down on them when I wasn't.

I think the dream ended with me walking back home, not knowing there was a gang of dogs trying to get into my apartment.

So yeah I had a weird dream, just wanted to type it down before I forgot.

Oh also, everything about the world I'd seen looked kinda abandoned. The dogs lived in abandoned houses that clearly had been human houses before, there were broken cars that were rusty and not used for years, grass was overgrowing in places it didn't before, the night was pitch black if not for all the stars and moon lighting the place, the amusement/Waterpark stuff the people I found lived in were all unused and moldy/rusty. They figured out how to make foods I knew of because well- recipes n such they found around. They had farms and such for all of this. Never once saw chocolate or grapes around any food I'd see in the dreams though.

[itrin]

another wolf359 relisten

bc ive relistened to this podcast maybe four times now and im coming back to it for a fifth time (in 2 years) and i think i could genuinely listen to it 59 times and still enjoy it just as much as the first time

bc holy shit this is such an incredible podcast and i love noticing the tiny details i missed in the previous listens and just absorbing the dynamics again

anyways here's my totally normal feelings and thoughts dumped out, completely unsolicited and without order:

the sound design and production are everything to me; wolf 359 is the only podcast that I dont have to do another to in order to listen lmao I can, have, and do listen to the podcast at the table with my hands folded or eating dinner like I can still be engrossed in the story just by being still too

hearing hera's voice in episode 1 DFHSDKJG she's so...customer servicey and just the sharp contrast between her in the very first episodes and later on in the series; hilberts voice is changed too for the first episodes -- he sounds high-pitched like he's really trying to sell the character of Alexander Hilbert, quirky and unassuming scientist. listening to them when we're first introduced to them, with the knowledge of who they become and what they do, it hits-- all the nuances in voice is just wow. Like Hilbert's mask slipping briefly, the crack in the character, the facade, as indicted by his voice deepening into his real voice sometimes (I think in the empty man episode)

the Empty Man still creeps me out like it did the first time. The Empty Man always gives me chills.

minkowski holding a gun to fiffel's like how lovelace holds a gun to everyone on board with her bomb like how cutter holds a gun to humanity with the decima virus. how eiffel is humanity and humanity was the only thing hilbert cared about

when minkowski says she's never seen eiffel as happy as he looked in the picture he taped under his desk, the one where he's with anne; eiffel's voice when he first talks about what happened with anne to minkowski, flat and forcibly casual, then raw and bitter...oof

minkowski says in mini episode 6 that "my husbands going to kill me" ....gurl..ur husbands going to witness u get killed on tv..and his company covers the story..

episode 38 "happy endings" was very satisfying and I love the dynamic between hilbert and lovelace. and also:

hilbert is such A Character; everything is for progress, for the big picture. he has morals and boundaries but he'll willing to cross them, he has principles and he's willing to compromise; he wanted so badly for everyone under his care to live but they didnt and he started again. there's no humiliation he won't endure for the big picture. lovelace constantly kept getting outraged on his behalf because he couldn't muster up anything besides determination (resignation) -- which I think is the best part of their dynamic, hes cold, dead steel and she's a blazing, dangerous inferno. they hate each other, they're the only ones who know each other, who remembers the first Hephaestus crew. hilbert did care for the og crew, and he cares for the new Hephaestus crew too, but he cares about decima, the progress of humanity, and the big picture most of all

in ep34 when kepler asks eiffel "what's going on, what's the problem?" in that voice, and i-

I had many conflicted feelings about si5. still do and probably always will with every listen. si5 is...recruiting people at dead ends and rock bottoms because they have no where else to go, no one else to turn to, and its all they have to dedicate themselves to Goddard. si5 are people who have nothing else, so they dedicate themselves to each other. si5 have complexes upon compartmentalizations upon complexes and they're callous, objectively bad people but they're bonded stronger than most families. they're trained, loyal and without hesitation, they trust each other and only each other. they were set up to be invincible, and when they fell, it was spectacularly hard.

what's that one post thats like "what makes w359 incredible is that every character is written like a main character" yeah

when "we try not to be monsters. when we can help it" goes to "the hell do you think we are, ups?" and to "*maxwell collars hera*" [insert tearing teeth out noises]

I think about Kepler's pig joke.

I think about someone saying Kepler's laughter is his cry.

I think part of why Kepler hates Hilbert so much is because when si5 kills, its with a purpose and a plan, and Kepler knows decima will go nowhere further than this so to him, the murders are disgusting because they're purposeless

si5's divide and conquer approach from the very beginning was ruthlessly effective holy shit; but at the same time, I cant help but think about how nice it must feel to have someone who understands, to have an advocate for the first time; Hera with Maxwell, and Eiffel with Kepler

on that note, I never understood why, really; every time, I just cant help but think its hypocritical for any of them to feel distress and anger over murder when theyre responsible for the same crime. but thats human, simply put. jacobi has blood on his hands, he killed hilbert remorselessly, but he's in pain and grief over Maxwell's death--and ig the act of murder doesn't protect u from the fallout of death.

god I fucking love Renee Minkowski so much, so MUCH. and the little things too -- refusing to back down from Kepler in that first bit when he interrupts her solitary confinement for help (satisfying, go girl); and also calling out Jacobi for his shit every time, including the fact that he had a choice to disobey orders, not kill Hilbert, and save Maxwell and he didnt make that call. just - I love her

Jacobi once said something like "Kepler doesnt push people past breaking point" and then kepler realizing hes pushed too far when Jacobi tries to force minkowski to shoot him dead. "please tell me you have a plan" said in a shaky voice, ah

truly I dont know where id be without the "Memoria" episode where Hera uncovers her subconscious saying "I cant do this, im not good enough," and then every single time afterwards she does it anyways. always. that episode impacted me..somuch.

this isn't even close to capturing everything, w359 is truly the chefs kiss. but I had to put this out somewhere.

anyways.

[mithliya]

i feel so bad for you with the callouts about you faking being a lesbian bc of posts you made when you were a young teen

i just found writing from when iw was 12 of me pretending to like men and it hurts so much and its so fucking stupid it was kind of like your old posts at least it was completely private

the way it was written was like me trying to force myself to feel those ways and i even remember researching like most attractive man ever to try and find a guy to act like i was attracted to all while looking at them and feeling nothing at all... and id search for like hours trying to find a boy that i felt anyting for to pretend to wajt as a boyfriend.... i never even found one! my friend told me maybe i was 'aesthetically gay'when i was like "soo im totally straight but i do not find any men attractive at all"

i just have no idea how i didnt realize earlier i wasnt attracted to men with all that bfjdmfjd

i feel u 😭 the wildest part is that post was made to paint a certain image. there’s no emphasis on the posts being primarily from 2013-2014. nothing highlighting the fact that i was literally like 14-16 in ALL of the posts (and that the person who was calling me out is calling 15 year old me a whore / slut for what r obviously jokes. if i as a 15 year old managed to have sex 500 times with 420 men while in an long distance “relationship”… wouldn’t that be indicative of something rly insidious? like they’re obviously not legitimate numbers & were me exaggerating ridiculously bc i didn’t want to answer such questions. i didn’t know if my rapist / rape counted. i was dissociated through a lot of it). the wildest part is she intentionally ignored all the posts highlighting what ive been saying: i was literally on substances a lot of the time when in that guy’s vicinity. i considered him a friend and didn’t want a relationship but then gave in after he kept insisting we were together & facing other pressure and he was giving me substances to get my guard down & be able to do things to me. i even made posts back then saying “idk if i like guys at all or if im into girls or if i like anyone” and talking about how i don’t understand attraction and don’t feel love. i talked about the guy making me cry all the time (& would then downplay it and act like i cry over everything) and there’s hints that i was attempting suicide and on sedatives the day our “relationship” started (which was the day he decided we were in a relationship. i repeatedly said i don’t want it) and drunk + had repeatedly tried to kill myself the day i lost my virginity (if that even counts. maybe the time i was raped is when i lost it? who knows.). and when asked why i won’t leave or when id defend him it’s almost always “he’s the only person who’s there for me” “im scared”… never “i love him” or “im attracted to him” or anything of the sort. i was baffled going thru the blog bc i didn’t realise there were so many hints that it was unwanted. etc etc etc. no wonder when i finally ended it and refused to back down (had to do it repeatedly for like 6 months) he immediately said “is it bc you’re a lesbian?” 😐.

also yeah sadly the only diff between me and the Real Lesbians trying to argue im lying about my sexuality is that their closeted shenanigans isnt available for everyone to look at and analyse and pick apart. their trauma isn’t there on display for people to call them liars and partake in abuse apologism with. but this whole thing has only confirmed to me that my truth remains my truth & my story. it was pretty upsetting seeing how i was somehow so aware of my lack of attraction to men but so in denial of it at the same time. and it made me realise that that whole portion of my life might’ve been even worse than i remembered. i remember the suicide attempts but i didn’t realise how often i was out of it.

ALSO anon that’s such a mood. i did a lot of the same stuff 💀

[trujellyfish]

i understand wanting to share ur joy with others but like. its not the same if it feels like a chore.

like i got top surgery right and then my mom was being kinda anxious abt it and making it seem like a chore like she kept asking "is it okay if i tell this person? can i tell this person? have you told your grandmothers?"

like? tell whoever the fuck you want? but like im not just calling ppl up at random to be like hey big news my tits are gone!!

plus I KNOW its not about the surgery. she didnt care about telling anyone when i got put under to get my iud. didnt go around telling ppl when i donated eggs that resulted in a donor kid. i dont think she cared about telling anyone about my hysterectomy.

i mean she mightve. idk. cant remember. she didnt make it My Problem tho.

but the tiddies off? oh yeah gotta TELL people

"they'll notice!" okay? and? you really think my oma's gonna look at me and go "oh my goodness your breasts! where have your breasts gone!?" went back to work im still getting clocked as female so i really dont think ppl are. like. noticing. ??

tho my friend said hugging me was different (and then gave me another hug bc she was EXCITED FOR ME)

come downstairs in a dress and my moms joking like "haha you cant wear dresses now ur a boy haha" and im like mom i dont think u understand just how much patience i have for you ahaaaa i love you but man. if u were just a friend? i would stop talking to you.

but ur my mummy and i love you!

but hera help me. you really test me sometimes.

also like. i tell my sisters everything. i told my bros bc i live with them. COMPLETELY DIDNT THINK ABT TELLING MY ELDEST BRO THO lmfao he was a little offended but i think more in a 'u dont see me as someone to share joy with :/' kinda way which i get

I GET THAT

i get people WANTING to be someone with whom you share joy

but it just. my mom made it seem like i Had to Tell People because ??? idk ??? like. like sending out thank you letters after christmas? "this is a Major Surgery"

i guess what it boils down to is that i like doing things because i Want to do them, not out of some (perceived) bullshit sense of Responsibility

so. if im telling you something about my personal life it is because I Want You To Know. because i think you'll be happy for me, or can give me advice, or i just thought it was A Thing that happened and i like Talking

and like i told my siblings abt the donor child out of Responsibility (in case they have kids and the kids meet one day. u wanna make sure they dont end up dating kind of thing) and it was such a Not a Thing like my mom was the only one who cared....... she has a very different idea of whats important i guess.

im the type who would show up to a family event with a whole ass newborn and casually be like "oh yeah i was pregnant. this is ur cousin/nibling wtv" and all the adults would be livid that i didnt make a big deal out of it. ....... damn........ that would be hilarious tho........

i simply DO NOT CARE enough abt my family to tell them when big things happen in my life. idk. plus. my family isnt exactly good at being happy for others. like i get it, same, i been working on it, theyre never gonna change if i dont give them a chance, etc. whatever. but i just. idk. feels like theyre excited for me bc they Have to be, more than. because they Are genuinely happy for me?

politely happy for me. im not gonna tell ppl if i think theyre just gonna be Politely Happy

which i guess is still me not giving them a chance but. still kinda dont care. haunted by my father saying "why are you telling me this" like okay im never telling anyone anything anymore. just gonna wallow in my cowardice and hate my dad. thats what boys do right? im doing boyhood right. i'll figure out emotional maturity when im a man. hashtag real men.

my roommates cat is lying on my back and nuzzling into my neck. sir. sir please get ur claws off my scalp. sir.

[kindlyfunkn]

in other news though this past month or so has been maybe the worst of my life, was already feeling down about everything but now my cars fucked up again. power steering pump is shot, terrified me driving to the garage the other day (for just an inspection, an inspection no repairs, so i can get my car re-registered. ffs.) bc it started blowing smoke out of the hood and the wheel suddenly locked up.

couldnt get a hold of anyone but idk none of my friends either have cars or are free during school/work hours this was maybe around 11. my first instinct was to call my mom but she was unavailable, shes been travelling bc of my cousins wedding in alberta and mightve still been on a plane maybe idk. but she would've probably called my dad anyway bc hes the one who could actually help me, i called him right after my mom didnt pick up.

he lives 2 hours away though, i was within walking distance to my house so i just called to ask what i should do. the switch in his voice from neutral to worried was funny, especially bc ive been giving him sort of the silent treatment since we got in a petty fight. he contemplated if he could come out to town to have a look but remembered his friend craig and told me to stay where i was to. his friend is someone ive met before and had look at my car before too, and he lives out in town.

so craig was really nice, got some power steering fluid for me, drove my car for me (bc he's used to driving junk) to the garage and spoke to the mechanic for me, vehemently denied my attempts to pay for the fluid and cab fees. he told me its really funny how similar i am to my dad when we need help. he said that he told me: "you're shy like him, you stutter like him, you're nervous like him... uh no offense."

anyway so the garage wasnt able to do anything for my car bc if they didnt have the parts to fix my steering then they couldnt complete the inspection, but he didnt charge me anything so that was cool.

gotta make another appointment at a different garage.

also, speaking to my mom last night i told her how awful thingsve been. headache almost every day, i cant sleep (other night only got to sleep after 7 am, then the next night only got 3 hours, as example), how when i got up i just started crying full waterworks and i wasnt even thinking about anything. didnt tell her how i keep wanting to get drunk at night bc my thoughts just run rampant, done it a few times now. the headaches come with or without a hangover though, i grind my teeth at night. my guard was missing for a while but recently ive found it i just havent been wearing it though i should.

i didnt mean to unload anything on her just give her an update how ive been feeling bc i havent had anyone to talk to really. dont really like to vent really seriously to my (twin) sister, and my older sister (whom i live with) doesnt ever really seem to care—i feel like i cant really be upset when im around her bc she always has something happening at work or whatever. plus she keeps saying things that make me feel worse or more worried and she doesnt realize how awful ive been feeling, a few times when expressing that my head or back hurts she offers nothing except "do you want to try my meds?" NO i dont want your prescription meds!! i did take one of her migraine meds once bc they wouldnt work for her so the last pill in the bottle she offered to me and i remarked that it worked a charm, but the new meds she has now are different and strong enough that apparently they are sometimes given post surgery. sure ibuprofen/naproxen and tylenol dont work more than half the time for me but im not going right into strong meds when im taking other things. my sister doesnt take any meds other than the migraine stuff, i do take meds, i dont want any interactions.

but anyway i got sidetracked, i'll tag with the sister vent tag too. anyway i kept what i said to my mom short and simple, didnt think much of it bc sure ive been stressed out and demotivated (what else is new) and just needed to get off my chest. hate complaining to my friends i feel i do it too much. mom gave me support words of encouragement stuff like that, but told me she'll look into therapy options for me if i want since im still under her and my step moms insurance while im a student (which i technically am, exams and classes are done but still need a workterm and we're only considered fully graduates until we complete a workterm). baffled me. i used to see a counsellor (not by choice to start and i got put in dbt which sucked but i could cancel so i did bc it wasnt going anywhere. dbt mightve helped but it was on a webcam and i leaned out of frame to grab my pencil once which dropped to the floor and i was scolded so i thought this sucks im dropping this lol) but it never did much for me, but i didnt expect my mom to bring up therapy outright. we dont really do/see stuff like that in our family.

but yknow a therapist may help me right now bc everythings going south and im not that smart with adult things yet so much that i think its detrimental, so i think i said yes. if it turns out i dont need it then i can just drop it, but i think somebody unbiased who knows how things work would be able to help me a lot. its just for figuring my life out.

woof this js a huge post. did not mean to write so much and meant to keep this simple and to the point, but yknow im incapable of being concise its a curse. wasnt even gonna talk about my car initially but just started rambling. anyway thats my shitty life update

[sunnybubblezzz]

SUCH A GOOD WEEK

okay well first of all i’ll start with just how great this weekend was. like UGHHESAHDH and then im just gonna say how grateful i am to God because woah im soo happy.

okay well first of all, DUHHH BIRTHDAY WEEK. i genuinely forgot this week was my birthday and MANNASND IM SO HAPPY. like i didnt get to do ALL the things i wanted for my birthday and i didnt get everything i wanted ofcofc but woah this week was amazing.

I GOT TO SEE THE HUNGER GAMES. THAT MOVIE WAS INCREDIBLE and i got to go with two of my close friends. i was really really sad bc i thought we wouldnt be able to go and i DOOO wish more of my friends were able to come with me.

BUT LIKE IT WAS SOOO GOOD AND I LOVE THE FRIENDS WHO CAME WITH ME.

you guys are never gonna see this but i loved that day and it brought me sm joy you have no idea. PLUS I GOT TO SEE SNOW???

my birthday day was eh BUTBUT EVERYONE SENT THEIR BIRTHDAY TEXTS TO ME AND I NO LIE GOT SOO HAPPY. i didnt expect all my friends to remember idk but they did and i was OVERJOYED.

THEN I GOT TO GO ICE SKATING FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY? it was SOOO nice and was SOO much fun plus that was an amazing time with my friends

and my friend gave me a birthday gift..

I LEGIT SHED TEARS (okay not in front of her but still) LIKE I CANNOT. it was only one person but man sometimes i forget how good it feels to get a gift from someone.

like… im always the one giving gifts but it really really touched my heart to get one from her and I LOVE HER SM AND I CANTTT IT MADE MY DAY.

i love you i really do.

then ofc i saw one of my closest(?) friends (and i lowkey felt we were drifting apart) like FOUR TIMES THIS WEEK BACK TO BACK. okay okay trust me thats a lot for us 💀.

we went to the mall together which was lowkey weird bc she never asks me to hang out like that. AND I GOT THE PERFECTT DRESS LIKE I LOVE IT SMM??

then WE WENT TO THE GENSHIN CONCERT

moment of silence for just how GRATEFUL I AMMM.

i love you SMMSMM for getting me tickets like the opportunity of a lifetime?? ngl i lowkey was kinda mad bc the friend we took wasnt as grateful as i felt she should have been… thats how grateful i was like “how can someone not thank this girlie with all her might”

it was a WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE and im only sad that one of out other friends couldnt go.

I WAS JUST

AHSDHASHDHSDHHS

IT WAS SO GOOOD

okay and now for one of my favorite moments..

okay so we were taking pics with some of the cosplayers and then this other cosplayer talks behind us… i look behind me, look at her cosplay and immediately say, “YING?” AND SHE SAYS YES???

like in the car we were looking at twitter for who’s going and was AMAZED that ying was and hoped we get to see her. I DID NOT EXPECT US TO?

LIKE I JUST RECOGNIZED HER FROM HER VOICE. the last time i listened to this girls voice was months ago but SHHH that’s unimportant.

what ISSS IMPORTANT IS THAT I SAW HER, FANGIRLED OVER HER, SHE CALLED ME PRETTY, THEN I WAS JUST OVERJOYED.

THENNN I WENT HOME, POSTED THE INTERACTION ON TWITTER, AND SHE SAID SHE REMMBERED ME.. HELLO??

LIKE WHY ARE SO MUCH GOOD STUFF HAPPENING TO ME ITS NOT ADDING UP.

i wouldnt call myself an unlucky person (luck isn’t real). but i will say that a lot of unfortunate things happen to me usually and ive just learned to go with the flow. but idk im just just so HAPPY and so GRATEFUL and and im scared that it’ll all get ruined when i wake up but man cant i live in this moment of happiness forever?

then today was just such an amazing day like such a great end to my birthday week i just. im just.

anyway to end it off, one of my friends from a while ago texted me asking if i ever drew this picture for this girl named sarah.. it took a sec, but i recognized the drawing and remembered.

I WAS IN SHOCK IT WAS A LITTLE BIRTHDAY DRAWING I DREW FOR THIS GIRL LIKE YEARSSSSSSS AGO?

she said she really loved it sm, kept it for years, and that i was super nice.

OKAY LIKE I CANT BELIEVE SHE KNOWS THAT ONE OF MY FRIENDS FIRSTLY. BUT SECONDLY WHAT?? LIKE IM JUST FROZEN WITH JOY SHE KEPT MY DRAWING FOR YEARS? not a rip in sight…

its just SO encouraging and so so idek im just so happy.

then to end it off, the artist WHO WAS MY MOST LISTENED TO ARTIST OF 2024 WITH 2,000+ MINUTES OF LISTENING??? SAID SHE WOULD POST MY SKETCHBOOK SPREAD (inspired by her music) ON HER STORY WHEN I FINISHED IT?

i

i love you God so much.

just i was feeling so down this past idek month or more because i just have such idek its just so much things happen to me and i just have to go along with it and not let it phase me. i feel so much emotions but none of them bring me down yknow? like i have to be happy and i dont FEEL happy…

but this.

this week makes me feel like God loves me and all of these things happened because of Him. I love him and I love all my friends, I really do love all of you guys.

some of you guys DOO get on my nerves, some of you guys ARE confusing, some of you guys are kinda weird, and i do feel like i love some of you more then you love me.. but in the end you guys are my friends. i love you guys.

and i love you God. I love you for everything you do and I dont know why you love me but I’m sososo happy you do. no one will ever love me like you do. thank you for always being there for me. i love you.

and so we end this. i KNOW that ill cry bc of sadness again (probably in the near future ngl) and I KNOWW that this happy feeling wont last. but for right now im gonna treasure it… please ANDDD thank you.

happy birthday to me.

[sl33pyperson]

we love a man who is after blood

marlene and marc being domestic: good food

mk just looking good: also good food

not wanting to be alone: yup

this comic has Really swung into marlene being badass via combat and violence and its just fun. mwah. love a lady who can take carw of herself. nevermind randall is coming back next story so we!ll see if she survives that

“youre the only true people marc spector has” 1. how dare u say this about gena. she wanted to get out of this city bc its fucking dangerous not to run away from u (also u did attract danger to her) 2. hmmmm. the introduction of Separating mk and marc?? im reading into this too much

why does this giant casino that is roman themed have a giant fucking statue of khonshu. shut up

he just looks goooooood

hes sulking lol

ALSO SORRY JEANS HAT “the clothes really make the man” WITH THAT HAT BABE?

i didnt know drax was green

OH RIGHT YES so there was cameos before the volt guy - which was thanos and infinity wars. its so wild to see like, most people going around kicking space ass while moon knight truely is down to earth on the streets with the people (do not talk to me about the show with this in mind ill start crying)

this page is also like. what a fucking nightmare. you got haunted by a arsonist and now your home is dying and on fire and being invaded. half the people you know are now dead (WHICH UH . IS WILD but i think all the infinity war stuff happened in between issues)

ive never seen this guy before and hes tacky but im like. mildly fond of him. walkin the dog bc hes fond of his lil human who fUCKING DIED

moon struggling in the corner. help him. hes doing literally the least

is that

is this seriously how they deal with infinity war

WELP ITS ALL OVER TIME FOR EVERYONE TO FORGET ABOUT IT??? ah. fucking comic logic.

ok now im worried the mk list im going off isnt accurate bc it didnt have this spidy comic in it (mk is in it for 1 panel bc hes mentioned ahh) but anyway midniht is looking good

may is adorable

this is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh very quippy. idk what else i expected from a spidy comic but EVERYONE is very quippy. didnt expect that from midnight and punisher (him making fun of heros yeah im into that)

hey. hey midnight baby. that is not how i fucking remember what happened

u forced ur way to join mk and be his sidekick bc u wanted to use ur dads skills in a better way. being a hero FUCKING SUCKED bc u kept getting shot at and everything u did amounted to nothing (to u at least). marc hated having you around bc it was another person he could hurt and get hurt, and you were not very street smart. then you RAN OFF, DECIDED TO GO BACK TO STEALING, BROKE INTO HIS HOUSE AND STOLE HIS CLOTHES TO MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE A VILLAIN FOR PAYBACK BECAUSE HE DIDNT WANT UR DUMB ASS AROUND??

aBANDONED YOU?? TURNED HIS BACK ON U?? WHAT?? WHAT WHAT

ok. ok. the man has been manipulated and gaslit ok that. that makes more sense

ok. ok. hes been highly brain fucked. YOU WERE FUCKING DEAD MY GUY AND THE EMPIRE STOLE UR FUCKING BODYYYYYYYYYYYYY HOW TF DID MK LEAVE U BEHIND WHEN THEY STOLE UUUUUU

oh this man is just goneeeee sir this lady is just a fucking nurse that wants to go home. ofc she made a connection to the guy who if she didnt care for she would get killeeeed

anyway i love seeing midnight again even if hes fucked up. no thoughts on darkhawk yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[fagbearentertainment]

i forgot to do this earlier uh. Michael :]

It's a little difficult choosing what exactly to say bcs like. in my ideal world, William would've been a good father to his kids. so Michael finding out that he's a murderer would feel. So out of left field. Like what? how the Fuck is she supposed to cope w this info. Does she tell her sibling(s)? Does she deal with it on her own? What the fuck does she Do

Then a meeting w Springtrap ...... She's there to ask about the murders and he's just happy to see his child's okay w/o him. Asking her if she went to college, any crushes? how are the others doing? idk. i think this would fuck w her pretty bad

But we dont live in the ideal world so uh. fuckin whatever i guess lmfao

In canon. Im a huuuuuge Michael found Charlie's body believer. idk if anyone else is but I am. She was at Freddy's to celebrate her bestie's birthday, said friend disappears and when she goes looking for them, she finds their corpse.

I also think this affected her later? Like after the MCI and when the fnaf 2 location opens up. She went to work there under an alias? I think that decision was at least partially affected by Charlie's death. like. ykno. the inital spark to an interest in Freddy's's child death problem

One last bit abt Charlie, I like to think that they and Mike grew closer after CC's death bcs. They know she didnt mean to kill him. So they promised to be there for her when it's hard :)

Anyway I'm convinced that Michael was already suspecting William of murder in fnaf 1. And that she first got the idea in fnaf 2. She kept talking about the bizarre stuff happening until William told her abt the SL bunker.

Speaking of the SL bunker, I know Mike already has a lot of trauma but I feel like for her to deliberately stand in front of the scooper when she can just. Move a little to the left. means she must have a Fuck ton of it. Basically Im saying that I find it possible that she was there (and possibly had to babysit) when Lizzie got killed.

So now she has undeniable proof that her father is a murderer and she's at least partially at fault (in her eyes) so she decides to do whatever she can to stop him before he hurts anyone else. to atone for her sins.

..erm.

On a sillier note, Michael totally became a tumblrina after she became a recluse

For everything else I've talked about, I'd taken the time in the past to like. organize my thoughts? But I've never gotten around to it w Michael so this ask is a loot messier lol oops sorry abt that

I feel like there was more i wanted to talk about but I legit dont remember right now. I'll send another ask if I remember

~Charlie anon

You 🤝 me <- same headcanon

I legit thought I was the only Michael found Charlie’s body believer, Charlie anon you have the best headcanons ever /serious

[childeapologist]

I was scared to ever no-filter vent about this situation on here bc I knew one of the people involved followed me but since they seem to have purged my existence from all their social media and ghosted me instead of bothering to TALK about anything I hope I’m in the clear now. Even if they do see it honestly go ahead. Read it. This is how I feel about you and your incessant need to over-correct me over every little thing all the time bc you just NEEDED me to be problematic for the sake of your narrative or something.

But last year when I took a vacation to stay with some of my friends who are a couple, on my last night there starting Attack on Titan together. They had both only seen the first season 10 years ago when it first aired, I’ve read the entire manga and seen all of the series that is out, and I have probably seen the first season 5+ times.

And this girl, the wife, starts conversation over the episodes like “I heard that in the manga there was this whole story arc about the outer wall refugees being made into slaves and that the anime cut it out and it was really controversial bc they are like devaluing slavery by doing that” and I was like, “I’ve read the whole manga and that isnt true, you must be mistaken or conflating it with something else” and it’s been a year and I cant remember my exact words but I was nice about it, literally just making conversation. People hear incorrect things. It happens. I wasn’t aggressive, but I do care about factual information so maybe I was assertive.

She just doubles down on me without looking up any new info. Which is wild to me, like I’ve READ THE MANGA can you not just trust me? She keeps doubling down, implying that I am prepared to defend the devaluation of slavery just bc it’s one of my fav medias.

And then I brought up the panels on my phone to show her. And the conversation just kind of ends, like I got ghosted IRL they just stopped responding to me. They ignored me trying to show the panels.

Later I ask her husband about it like “what happened back there?” and he tells me that “Oh she looked it up herself and realized she was wrong, and she didnt know how to approach you bc youre mean” and also just blames it on her period.

LIKE GIRL, HELLO? “oOPS i looked it up and I was mistaken, sorry!”

it really isn’t that hard?

And things like this just kept HAPPENING. 

And THEN I try and bring this up later, approaching the husband bc like. Im like “this girl couldnt even handle being told she was wrong about an attack on titan trivia fact. how do i approach her about boundaries and accountability?”

So I try approaching her husband for pointers in talking to her. And he just deflects everything, basically tells me that Im just “super mean and intimidating” and that I just want an “I TOLD YOU SO” moment. And it is like no I want my input to be respected? I want my friend to be able to be wrong about something so simple and not turn it into this weird thing? This isnt even about that stupid argument anymore, it’s about what this says about the overall dynamics here and your wifes inability to be wrong and take accountability. I deserve better treatment, I deserve respect and if I dont get it, this friendship is over. and they purged me on all social media after that without even attempting to reconcile or talk to me

am i crazy?

how can you be so inable to hold yourself accountable and try and gaslight ME into being the problem?????????????????????

unreal

UN

FUCKING

REAL

HOPE YOURE READING THIS GIRL! GROW THE FUCK UP!

[crazylil-lion]

Anyone else genuinely scared to look at themselves in the mirror?

Like not only because I hate how I look but because I don't recognize the thing standing before me.

It doesn't feel real. How could that be me?

I look myself in my eyes and I see someone else.

Empty, dead eyes, a sadistic grin. The part of me that knows no matter how much I try to drown it out with lorazepam. With loud music. With games. With anime. Multitasking until I'm dead to avoid the fucking monster inside me.

When I look into my eyes in the mirror I see the demon before me and I get sick. Thoughts of all the things I've done wrong, things I could have done better. People I could have helped and given more to flash before my eyes.

I don't recognize myself because the truth is who I am died years ago in that house.

My personality was destroyed my life turned meaningless.

All that mattered was being enough, giving more and more. Asking for as little as possible.

Get love based on how much you do.

Its funny. If 4th grade people wrote notes about the favorite thing they enjoyed about each of us.

I had so many nice comments. How sweet and kind I was. How bright and bubbly I was. How I use to brighten rooms up and make people smile.

I think back and i remember going to school pretending everything was okay.

Pretending that I was okay.

Over those years 9-15 everything about me was destroyed.

Befoee that age it was bad. The screaming. The fear the pain. The threats.

But it didn't really hit me until I was around 10.

Thats when the fire nation attacked( jk😂)

Anyway. Thats when it got worse. The abuse got worse. My presents always being stolen. Literally if I was called for I had to drop what I was doing and go. That second. If I didn't they would scream. Come pound on my door. Drag me out by my arm. Scream so close I felt their breath.

Spanked or slapped. Or just threatened.

I did the chores. Most of them. I kept my siblings from crying or it was my fault.

The only escape I really had was weekends with dad but he would just dismiss moms actions. Dismiss my words tell me to just be strong because I was the only one that could be there for them. He tried his hardest still does working 80 hrs anychance he gets to support moms lazy ass.

I was blamed for so much. I changed my hair color to pink when I was 10 and I got screamed at. Told I was unlovable. A freak. People would make fun of me. No one would ever wanna date me. I was forced to skip school the rest of the week so they could change it back.

If they hit me and I cried I was told to man up before they gave me a real reason to cry.

I've never really had support. Or someone who unconditionally loved me.

All ky relationships where me giving everything to get barely anything in return.

My one good relationship ended basically overnight.

Everything was great she was going to come see me some times soon or I see her.

I tried to spend time with her she kept hanging out with her friend, whoch I was like, okay, np we got all the time in the world. Then a few days later she wants to have phone sex after I worked all day its like 830 and the walls are so thin I hear the group of people in the room next door.

I say I really didnt feel up to it bc I was tired and I just wanted to talk.

She blows up saying I don't ever do anything with her after staying at a friends for days.

That everything changed when I moved bc I was busy.

I begged for her to support me. Saying its hard after moving from my siblings. The only thing that kept me alive for years.

She left. Within a week it was over she was gone. Didn't respond. Said she wanted space and went and got into another relationship like a week or two later. And that was it until her relationship went bad and she talked to me again.

The one relationship that I thought I mattered in threw me away basically in days. Moved on and barely talked to me after multiple bad relationships.

Really I just wanna be noticed once. Everyone talks of their stories. Their relationships. Getting hit on.

I'm here like yeaaa everyones basically treated me like shit my whole life.

I just can't relate.

To their lives.

To being able to live as children.

Ive missed out on so much for so long. All I've wanted was love. Romance. The cheesy shit. Flowers. Smothering eachother in kisses. Cooking together. Talking about our day's.

Its all I want.

I want to know a safe warm embrace.

I wanna know what its like to be chosen and wanted.

What its like for someone to try for me. To think about me.

I wanna matter. I'll do anything. Give them anything. Treat them like my goddess. Worship them build them up. I just wanna feel fucking safe. Have someone proud. Have someone want me. Want to have romantic cheesy shit.

The truth is I'll never be able to love myself without intimacy or affection.

I was starved of it. Idk what its like to be held.

I can't love myself because my family only loved what I could provide. Not me. Me was pushed down. Broken and abused.

I wanna kill myself because I don't think I'll ever have that love. That safety. Someone I can open myself up to. Show all my scars and have embrace me. I just want to feel loved and wanted. I want to kill myself because im tired of pain and suffering. I'm tired of trying my hardest when it feels like multiple people trying to smother me. When I feel like theres a hurricane in my mind.

I wanna kill myself because honestly I feel its the only out. To a peaceful quiet empty place.

I place I don't have to hurt anymore.

I'm not surprised no one wants me though...

I'm just this ugly thing. Not masc enough for most girls. Not feminine enough for others.

Not cute.

Too shy.

I'm just not someone worth noticing and thats okay.

Just try to smile and enjoy pretending to be part of a group. Part of the peoples from works friend group.

Be the person that lifts others up bc thats the only way anyone will keep me around. Is if I'm useful and helpful. Kind and polite. Friendly and understanding.

People will only keep me around if I try my hardest to please. If I give everything and ask for nothing.

I'll never be loved or wanted any other way.

So I'm done.

I'm ready to go.

Let me not awake from my sleep.

Let me rest in peace.