#everything has to be a problem she can solve

[blossomcola]

Thinking about panty sniffer Sophia.. she’s such a perv :( loves stealing y/n’s dirty underwear to get herself off:(

pairing. sub!pervert!sophia laforteza x gf!fem reader

content warnings. fingering, panties stealing.

i know that many of you probably see sophia as the typical cheesy and romantic girlfriend who takes you on dates almost every day along with an exaggeratedly large bouquet of flowers and she always sees you with loving eyes because you are the most precious thing she has in her life buuut i have to say that i firmly believe that underneath that girl–in–love persona is a pervert ☝🏻 sophia can be a sweetheart sometimes, but she finds it hard to maintain that girlfriend attitude with you when any kind of thought is going through her head except cute things!

sooo this means that she would suffer a lot the times you are away from home because she tends to get needy and you are not there to help her :( everything was fine until you told sophia that you would be home later than usual because of work, a really bad idea because it seems like the idea of you being away from her suddenly made her feel needy on an exaggerated level! and no matter how much she asks and begs you to please not leave her, it is obviously not enough because you have to fulfill your responsibilities like going to work and following your adult obligations, so sophia has to accept fate and stop insisting.

but this leads her to end up rummaging through your dirty clothes basket in the bathroom, searching through clothes until finding a pretty pair of underwear <3 sophia is beyond desperate and this leads her to not even bother going to her room and touching herself there because she needs it now! she would end up opting to stay in the bathroom directly because it is the fastest way to solve her problem, turning on the shower tap so that at least the noise of the shower covers up the approaching noises a little and she doesn’t get a complaint from the neighbors later.

sophia burying her nose in your dirty underwear, sniffing the fabric and whimpering at the scent of you on it while her other hand is between her thighs, busy fingering her pussy in a brutal rhythm that makes it hard for the shower to cover the dirty splash she’s producing... anyone else would think that touching yourself while sniffing someone’s underwear is a useless way to masturbate, but sophia finds it a relief because her mind is busy imagining that you are the one touching her <3 she would even go so far as to tease herself, changing the speed of her thrusts to slower ones that would make her stutter her hips against her own hand in search of touch but it’s a bit contradictory because she ends up sobbing and pleading as if she’s not the one touching and provoking herself??? poor baby has her head spinning from missing you and that's brought her to a point where she seems to be losing her mind until you get home :(

[nightrose-if]

City of Thorns - Chapter 1 is available for free on Itch.io!

Link: Itch.io Page

City of Thorns is an interactive fiction and amare game project in which you are an oracle tasked with solving a mystery that shakes the whole city - the murder of the beloved Prince Mikhail. Summoned to the palace by the Sovereign Princess, you'll meet several members of the Royal Court, all of whom are interested in the case. Choose a courtier to aid your investigation, and figure out exactly what's going on in this place.

Romance Options:

A cold and stoic type at first glance, there is more to Koré than most of her people think. Her rule of the city and command of the palace is strict, and her court is divided in their opinions of her. She may be slow to warm up to you, but there's a good heart in her...if you choose to bring it out.

A princess and mage from the neighbouring archipelago of Capri, Morgaine remains a bit of an outsider in the court. She's more than willing to help you on your quest, and your acceptance means everything to her. With your magic combined, solving the case could be a piece of cake - but is she really as innocent as she looks?

A sweet and soft-spoken person, Ariel keeps the palace and the royal family running smoothly. But the loss of their lover hangs heavy over their head, and their grief threatens to consume them. Still, they want to help you by any means necessary, and are eternally grateful for your work.

Captain of the Royal Guard and the city's police force, Dimitri is hot-headed and hard to hold on to. Prince Mikhail was his oldest and dearest friend, and losing him has only exacerbated his problems. He'll be leading the non-magical side of the investigation, so playing nicely with him will be critical.

Simultaneously ambitious and carefree, Anatole doesn't let the distrust of the court get to his head...most of the time. He's all too eager to help you investigate, and to get to know a fellow mage in a city where magic is rare, but as one of only two known mages in the court, he's under heavy suspicion.

A quiet and private soul, Jasmin finds the murder more concerning than most of her peers do. She can certainly offer help, but getting any personal information out of her will be difficult. And you might find you do need personal information from her; she holds more secrets than most, which could provide more details to the case.

Cheerful and always eager to help, Nocturne is your right-hand at the Temple of Pythia where you both grew up. You've known them for as long as you can remember. They're your best friend, and would do anything - or almost anything - for you. But how well do you know them, really?

Features and Disclaimers:

This game is meant for an 18+ audience due to sexual content and violence.

With the ability to choose a name, pronouns, and body type (in the full game, body types are not available in the demo), City of Thorns aims to be as inclusive to all gender and sexual orientations as possible.

Seven different romance routes, which will be released episodically.

Each route features a character-driven story with multiple endings based on your choices and how you influence your RO.

[beneathsilverstars]

@candaru: but... but the game? genuinely please explain to me. Odile pretty exclusively gives good advice in canon when she's brave enough to actually say it and not keep her thoughts to herself

she’s not as bad at emotions as she says she is, but she’s not exactly good at them either… sometimes she just stays out of it when she doesn’t know what to say, but she’s also a “if you want a problem solved you better start solving it yourself” type (see: joining the orbquest, susquest as a whole), and she can be a bit quick to jump to making the practical, hard decision (see: act 5 clocktower convo, attacking bigfrin). so she's definitely not always staying out!

the act 5 clocktower convo is an example of her giving bad advice. it's very reasonable and in character, but it wasn't the right thing to do this time, which is how mistakes in isat tend to work. isabeau focuses on how siffrin is their friend and something must be wrong, but odile's like yeah something is wrong so we need to buckle up and lock in on the king. fair enough, but it doesn't help. vs if isa had been more insistent (which he wouldn't do bc he's a coward) maybe they woulda been talking about talking to sif, instead, and taken a more productive action.

and, there are instances of odile making poor interpersonal choices herself (see: her sus quest approach, being too mean in her teasing), which tells us something about her thought process which we can then extrapolate to situations where she's advising others.

she does give some good advice! at the end of kingquest, she was right to hesitate while sif and mira and then isa agreed to give the king another chance. she's great at practical stuff. and she has her emotional moments! she checks in on siffrin sometimes, she has cute her little "tell me just one thing that's wrong, it doesn't have to be the thing." but then it's like... if that doesn't help, too bad, it's all she has, that was her strategy, convo ends here. it could be that there's some great advice in her mind that she doesn't feel confident enough to say, but could be that she already gave her great advice and there's a reason she doesn't feel confident in the rest of her ideas. maybe some of them are good, but maybe some of them aren't, and the only way she's gonna learn better which are which is by trying them sometimes.

and she will! bc post-canon, everyone's gonna be working on communicating better, right? and everyone's gonna be doing a lot of heavy work helping siffrin, and each other and themselves. so she's probably gonna be discussing more complicated emotional matters more often. and when she has those conversations, she is probably going to lean practical in a way that can be helpful but also could make everything worse, like in the clocktower convo. everyone is gonna fuck up sometimes, but when you compare her to like, isabeau... isabeau is great at reading people, deescalating, etc, he's just a coward. so when he starts giving more advice it'll probably be more nuanced, if not super decisive. vs odile... she's gonna be floundering a bit more, and hedging a bit less. and sometimes that'll be good! but surely sometimes it won't.

so like. i'm not saying she's ALWAYS going to give bad advice. she's practical and perceptive and cares a lot. but practical can be a bad thing, too. and she doesn't always know what to do with the things she's figured it out; she alternates between letting things go too easily, and latching onto solving things that she doesn't actually know how to solve. and she loves her friends and doesn't want to hurt them, but she's used to acting aloof and callous, so she sometimes struggles to recalibrate -- and she knows this, but knowing doesn't fix it.

and meanwhile she's got the most confidence of anyone in the party, and just like every other trait, that can be good or bad. she's not confident in all areas -- she's got her abandonment issues, hence her own failure to ask the others to travel with her -- but when she decides on a course of action, she's more likely to follow through, for better or for worse.

so! i just think she should give really bad advice sometimes! especially when she's trying really hard to help with emotional/interpersonal situations that she doesn't have much experience with or has very particular experience with (ms. "fell in love one time with someone she hated" "multiple stalkers" aiuchi). and it'll be advice that makes sense bc she's a logical and level-headed person, and she'll sound confident about it bc she doesn't second guess and undercut herself the way siffrin and mirabelle do, and it'll be easy to trust her bc she's odile. but oops <3

ofc everyone is gonna make mistakes and give each other bad advice sometimes, but i point out odile in particular because it's easy to accidentally slot her into the "mom friend" or "wise lesbian wingman" archetypes if you're not making an active effort to remember what sorts of mistakes she tends to make, and also because i love her and i support women's wrongs. i also enjoy a good therapyspeak fic where everything goes right! but odile fascinates me and i love to see her in particular fuck up <3 it's enrichment for me

you have to write odile giving really bad advice. for my health

[sonoranbumblebee]

Hey baby, how we doin'? Can you sit Uncle Carmy?

We give Carmy a lot of much-deserved shit but also we all know that he's a ridiculous level of hero, like a fucking literal mortal flawed human hero who has done so so much work and has the biggest heart. Carmen Berzatto is a truly strong young man, in every sense. All the Berzatto kids are incredibly tough.

Thus, watching Carm break down in the presence of Donna is excruciating. Syd reassures Donna he's "really good" which means he's "really bad," the worst she's ever seen. The amount of psychic damage we can't see but that Carmy must carry around...it's truly hard to watch it all appear on the surface.

It is painful to see him helpless and confused.

It's not OK what happened to him and we can know how bad it was because we can see on his face what it did to him.

All of which is to preface this little exchange of dialogue, which is sort of buried in innocuous-sounding fractured small talk during his quiet breakdown, perhaps with the purpose of camouflaging its importance.

"Soph..the baby."

"Yes. So cute."

"You've seen the baby."

"Really cute...So many people."

"You're an uncle."

"Yeah. Yeah. No I never thought about it. Right."

He never thought about being an uncle. It's a bit of a non sequitur. The standard patter is just to keep on about babies being cute and . But he's got a fixation somewhere in there on what is to be an uncle and how he is somewhat unprepared, simply because he never thought about it.

Growing up, he was always the baby bear, bullied by everyone except maybe Sugar and Michelle, weird, lonely, ill at ease, quiet to the point of seeming mute, unparented by Donna, but with his big brother Mikey looking out for him, and all the uncles.

He never had a dad to speak off, so Uncle Jimmy, Uncle Computer, and that whole age cohort were the dons who ran the family and who served as caregivers to whatever extent they could. (Note: Some people call Lee Lane an "uncle" but Mikey and Carmy both despise him and both deny out loud that he is an uncle.)

For Carm, to be now an "uncle" is the landmark Berzatto male coming-of-age milestone. But he never thought of it for himself before. He just never peered into that sector of his future. But the time has come and the place is here.

To be an uncle is to look out for the next generation and to be a role model and make sure things are getting handled. And in the culture of their family, he's the only one who could possibly be *the* uncle of the next generation. Mikey shoulda been it, but Mikey blew his head off on the State Street bridge. It can't be Pete, or Richie, or Cousin Stevie.

Uncle Carmen is now "the guy." But he never thought about it before. It never occurred to him until Sophie was born that "uncle" was a role he would be called to play, even though he was already Uncle Carmy to Evie. With all those people under the table at the wedding, even though everyone contributed to setting the stage, it was Evie's attachment to Carmy that finally allowed her to be vulnerable with her family and reveal her fear.

What does being an uncle look like in Carm's mind? When and where and how is he going to step into that role? He wouldn't directly tell anyone (least of all the audience beyond the fourth wall), even if he knew, which he probably doesn't yet.

But I think we see hints of something taking form in his heartfelt thank yous to Stevie and Uncle Jimmy over the course of the season, for the ways they had helped him out over the years. There is also a suggestion of something in his promises in the finale to the terrified Syd and the shaken Richie that everything will be OK. No one is going to be left alone. The family will stay together. The family will be provided for. The problems will be solved. Everything is going to be all right.

[junebugtwin]

thinking recently about how Taylor cannot stand inaction. Like, she very often does crazy or violent or just bizarre shit because the other option is doing Nothing.

A lot of the time it means she does really heroic shit like fight Lung on her first night out or go 1v1 on Leviathan- there were other options there! A lot more sane ones, for sure. Even if something isn't remotely her problem to deal with she finds a way to make it her problem.

But I also feel like she makes a lot of her ethically dubious decisions or impulse actions just because she cannot stand the alternative.

This is a girl who cannot sit quietly with herself! She is always doing something- even if she's still physically she's doing weird dissociation tricks with her bugs instead. She cannot be a bystander and she cannot be herself- neither the girl in the locker or the ones around it- the ones in the hallway who walked past, discomforted and willing to bury the memory once the day is done.

[balkanlila]

i cried SO MUCH and i am still crying, but i was in irl house's office today 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[korovamlecznybar]

my mom is leaving for a trip tomorrow and it’s stressing me out so bad

[strmpt]

y’all don’t have respect for trans women with androgenic alopecia and it shows

[succubusvalentine]

Simon Riley who doesn't know how to comfort you. So, he does the next best thing. CW : fingering, praise, dirty talk

Simon has never been good at communicating. Especially after growing up in an abusive household. Problems were solved with fists, not words.

He'd gotten better at communicating over the years. Though, he still struggled. Especially when it came to comforting people.

So when you came home, clearly pissed off, Simon was internally panicking. He had no idea what to do.

Simon remained silent as he stalked to the bedroom, looming in the doorway like a shadow as he watched you change into your shorts and singlet top.

"What, Simon?" You snapped, eyes flickering with frustration.

"What's got your panties in a twist, lovie?" Simon asked, crossing his arms as he leaned against the doorway.

"Don't talk about my panties, Simon!" You say, which makes Simon raise a brow at you. You really weren't having it today.

"Alright" Simon sighed, his brain finally flickering with an idea.

He pushed off the doorway and walked over to you. Picking you up and ignoring your protests. Carrying you to the living room and sitting on the couch with you between his legs. You're back to his front.

"Up we go" Simon hummed, lifting your legs to spread them and rest them over his thick thighs.

"What're you doing?"

"Fixing your attitude"

"My attitude does not need fixing"

"Sure it doesn't, lovie"

"It doesn't!"

"Whatever you say"

You go to protest but then there's two thick fingers rubbing at your clit. Making you go lax and whine in a mixture of relief and frustration.

"Tell me about your day, darlin'" Simon growled in your ear, his fingers slipping down your folds and into your cunt. Fingers curling up and pressing firmly against your g-spot repetitively. Making you gasp and a moan to be forced from your chest.

"Fucking-Sherry wouldn't stop bothering me" you whimpered, grinding your cunt against Simons hand. "She was such a bitch today always on my ass about-oh my god there!-everything!"

"Sounds real stressful lovie. But look now, you're doing such a good job grinding that pretty cunny against my hand. Soaking your panties and shorts like a good girl, hm?" Simon whispered in your ear, nipping the flesh gently.

"'m being good" you nod dumbly, gasping as Simons fingers speed up. Your hips moving on their own accord. Heat quickly pooling in your lower stomach.

"C'mon baby, come for me. You can do it. You'll be such a good girl if you do" Simon whispered, his free hand moving from your thigh to under your shirt, tugging roughly at your nipple, sending you over the edge.

You soaked Simons hand and your panties in your release. Crying out in pleasure. Head tipping back and eyes squeezed shut as you whine and moan.

"good fucking girl, huh?" Simon growled as he kissed your neck "attitude just needed to get fucked out of you"

So yeah, maybe Simon wasn't good at comforting you. But he was really fucking good with his fingers.

⛧°. ⋆𓌹♰𓌺⋆. °⛧

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

[kianamaiart]

"Pretty Pretty Please I Don't Want to be a Magical Girl" Bios!

NAME: Aika (she/her) AGE: 15 Main Protagonist CV: Anairis Quiñones

BIO:

Aika is an easily excitable and energetic girl. She's generally optimistic and very friendly. She's always eager to try new things as long as it's not her fulltime job of being a magical girl.

As soon as her magical girl duties are brought into the picture, her demeanor changes. She checks out, and often looks for the quickest solution to solve the issue. No flashy transformations and special moves here. She's good with a metal baseball bat or a rocket launcher.

All Aika wants is to live a normal life, make friends and go to school. Unfortunately, like every main protagonist, trouble manages to follow her wherever she goes.

___________________________________

NAME: Zira (she/they) AGE: 16 Love Interest Best Friend CV: Bennett Abara

BIO:

Zira is everything Aika wants to be. Painfully average, under the radar and a self proclaimed loser.

She's a smart girl but has a hard time applying herself. Instead of paying attention in school, and doing extracurriculars, Zira would much rather be reading her favorite magical girl manga "Moon Sailor".

After Aika forces her friendship upon them, Zira now has to tag along on all of Aika's escapades and experiences new things. Ew. However, they admire Aika deeply and admire her even more after Aika's magical secret comes to light.

___________________________________

NAME: Hoshi (any/they/them) AGE: unknown Magical Sidekick CV: Christine Marie Cabanos

BIO:

Hoshi is a magical star being sent to Earth to find the chosen one. They made a great choice with Aika, as she's amazing at her job. The only issue is she hates it and is often trying to dodge responsibilities (and Hoshi).

When Aika first started, and still had her heart in it, Hoshi was definitely more neurotic and acted as your typical mentor/magical sidekick. But over time, they gave up on trying to tell Aika what to do and also became a little more apathetic. Aika was getting the job done at least, so what's the problem?

Hoshi still has to make sure Aika doesn't completely give up on being the Star Guardian: Guardian of the Stars, which Aika finds annoying.

___________________________________

NAME: Eclipse (he/him) AGE: 15 Minor Antagonist CV: Aleks Le

BIO:Eclipse is a flamboyant and theatrical individual whose showmanship is out of this world. He refers to himself as

"Eclipse: Servant of Darkness".

He was a D-list antagonist that Aika and her team would fight on occasion. Mostly just saving citizens from him being a nuisance. Eclipse has deluded himself into thinking that he's Aika's rival, main antagonist and love interest. Their love is simply forbidden as he's chosen the path of darkness and her, the light.

After Aika ran away, he managed to find her again. However this time he actually has powers??? Where did those come from? It's as if he's made a deal with darkness itself.

___________________________________

NAME: Lady DeVoid (she/her) AGE: Old Main Antagonist/Big Bad CV: Shara Kirby

BIO: Lady DeVoid is darkness itself. She's a mysterious being with an incomprehensible amount of power. Power that is currently weakened and that she actually has no idea how to use. She can't seem to remember for some reason...

All she knows is that a long time ago she was defeated and banished by a Star Guardian and that she now wants revenge. The only power she has at her disposal is creating particles of darkness that she can use to possess animate or inanimate objects to create monsters. She prefers others do her dirty work.

She enlists the help of Eclipse to spread these particles with the hopes that it'll eventually destroy the Star Guardian.

___________________________________

NAME: Miss (she/her) AGE: 39 Side Character CV: Michele Knotz

BIO:

Miss is Aika and Zira's very tired teacher. Looking at her, you might assume she hates her job, but it's quite the opposite. She pours everything into her work and into her students, leaving very little time for her personal life.

She's recently started trying to get it together (after her ex-wife left her) but is still struggling to find that work-life balance.

Prior to Aika enrolling, Miss was Zira's only friend at school and, though she'd never admit it, Zira's probably the closest thing she has to a friend also (oof). She's subsequently become a secret Moon Sailor fan too.

[kaijutegu]

Alligator Body Language and You, or: How To Know When An Alligator On Social Media is Being Stressed for Views

Alligators are wild animals. Despite the idiotic claims of animal abusers like Jay Brewer, they cannot be domesticated, which means they are always going to react on the same natural instincts they've had for millions of years. Habituated, yes. Tamed, yes. Trained, definitely. Crocodilians can form bonds with people- they're social and quite intelligent. They can solve problems, use tools, and they're actually quite playful. Alligators are also really good at communicating how they're feeling, but to somebody who doesn't spend much time around them, their body language can be a bit mystifying. And it doesn't help when social media influencers are saying shit like this:

That is not what a happy gator looks like.

That's a terrified, furious gator who isn't attacking because the ogre handling her has her in a chokehold. She's doing everything she can to express her displeasure, and he's lying about it because he knows his audience doesn't even know how to think critically about what he's doing. He knows that because his audience doesn't know anything about these animals, he can get away with it. This I think is why I hate him so much- he deliberately miseducates his audience. He knows what he's doing is factually inaccurate, he just doesn't care because attention means more to him than anything else in the world.

Let's change that! Here are two really important lessons for understanding alligator body language on social media.

Lesson 1: Alligators Don't Smile (in fact, most animals don't)

So what's going on in this video? Jay Brewer is aggressively choking his white alligator Coconut while scrubbing algae off of her with a toothbrush. And make no mistake, he is digging into the creature's throat while she is visibly distressed. He claims she's happy- but she's not. He is willfully misrepresenting what this animal is feeling. That's a problem, because people... well, we actually kind of suck at reading other species' body language. The reason for this is that we tend to overlay our own responses on their physical cues, and that's a problem. For example, let's look at an animal with a really similar face to ours, the chimpanzee. Check out Ama's toothy grin!

Wait, no. That's not a happy smile. That's a threat display. When a chimpanzee "smiles," it's either terrified and doing a fear grimace, or it's showing you its teeth because it intends on using them in your face.

How about a dog? Look at my smiling, happy puppy!

Oh wait no, this is a picture of Ryder when he was super overwhelmed by noise and people during a holiday party. He'd hopped up in my sister's lap to get away from stuff that was happening on the floor and was panting quite heavily. See the tension in the corners of his mouth and his eyes? A lot of the time when a dog "smiles," the smile isn't happy. It's stress! Why Animals Do The Thing has a nice writeup about that, but the point is, our body language is not the same as other species. And for reptiles, body language is wildly different.

For instance, look at these two alligators. Pretty cute, right? Look at 'em, they're posing for a Christmas card or something! How do you think they're feeling?

Well, I'll tell you how the normal one is feeling. He's annoyed! Why is he annoyed? Because the albino just rolled up, pushed another gator off the platform, and is trying to push this guy, too. I know this because I actually saw it happen. It was pretty funny, not gonna lie. He's not gaping all the way, but he was hissing- you can actually see him getting annoyed in the sequence I took right before this shot. Look at him in this first shot here- he's just relaxing, and you can see he isn't gaping even a little bit.

By the end, he's expressing displeasure, but not enough to actually do anything about it. He's annoyed, but he's comfy and that's where one of the best basking areas is, so he'll put up with it.

Reptiles open their mouths wide for a lot of reasons, but never because they are actively enjoying a sensation. Unless they're eating. No reptile smiles- they can't. They don't even have moveable lips. If a reptile is gaping, it's doing so because:

It is doing a threat display.

It is making certain vocalizations, all of which are threats. Alligators are one of the rare reptiles that do regularly vocalize, but most of their calls aren't made with a wide open mouth.

It is about to bite something delicious or somebody stupid. Check out this video- virtually all of the gaping here is anticipatory because these trained gators know darn well that the bowl is full of delicious snacks. (I have some issues with Florida's Wildest, but the man knows how to train a gator AND he is honest about explaining what they're doing and why, and all of his animals are healthy and well-cared for, and he doesn't put the public or his staff at risk- just himself.)

It's too hot and it has opened its mouth to vent some of that heat and thermoregulate. This is the main reason why alligators will often have their mouths part of the way open, but sometimes they'll open all the way for thermoregulation. This is what a thermoregulatory gape looks like- usually it's not all the way open, kinda more like < rather than V, but you can't say that 100% of the time. Additionally, a thermoregulatory gape... typically happens when it's hot out. If they're inside, maybe they've been under their basking light for too long. Heat's the dominant factor, is what I'm getting at.

There is another reason that a captive crocodilian might be gaping, and that's because it's doing so on command. Some places have their gators trained to gape on cue, like St. Augustine Alligator Farm and other good zoos. They have the animals do this in presentations that are genuinely educational. They ask the animals to open their mouths so that they can show off their teeth and demonstrate how their tongues seal off the back of their mouth. They'll also do it as part of routine healthcare, because looking at their teeth is important.

In this case, the animals aren't gaping because they're stressed, they're gaping because they know they're gonna get a piece of chicken or fish if they do it. And what's more, they're doing it on cue. They have a specific command or signal that tells them to open wide. It's not an instinctive response to a situation. It's trained. If the animal provides the behavior after a cue, the situation is much less likely to be negatively impactful.

It's also important to remember that there's a difference between a partially open mouth and a gape! As discussed above, alligators will often have their mouths a little bit open just to maintain temperature homeostasis. It helps them stay comfy, temperature-wise. These guys are all doing thermoregulatory open-mouthed behavior- that slight open and relaxed body posture is a dead giveaway. (That and it's the hottest spot in the enclosure.)

Lesson 2: A Happy Gator Is A Chill Gator

So if alligators don't smile or have facial expressions other than the :V that typically signifies distress, how else can you tell how they're feeling? One way is stillness. See, alligators subscribe to the philosophy of if it sucks... hit da bricks.

Basically, if they hate it, they'll leave. Unless, y'know, somebody has their meaty claws digging into their throat or is otherwise restraining them. (Restraint isn't always bad, btw. Sometimes the animal is going through a medical thing or needs to be restrained for their safety- which a responsible educator will explain.)

Let's look at a very similar scenario, in which a captive alligator is getting his back scrubbed.

As you can see, it's quite different. First, he's not being restrained at all. Second, look at how relaxed he is! He's just chilling there vibing! He could simply get up and leave if he wanted to, because he's not being held. Towards the end of the video, as he lifts his head, you can see that his respiratory rate is very even as his throat flutters a bit. I'm not sure what this facility is, so I can't comment on care/general ethics, but like. In this specific case, this is an alligator enjoying being scrubbed! And you can tell because he's not doing anything. A happy gator is content to be doing what they're doing.

Why Should I Listen To You?

Now, you should ask yourself, why should you listen to me? Why should you trust me, who does not own an alligator, versus Jay Brewer, who owns several?

Well, first off, there's no profit for me in telling you that what you're seeing on social media is in fact not what you're being told you're seeing. I'm not getting paid to do this. That's the thing with people who make social media content. The big names aren't doing it just for fun. They're doing it for money. Whether that's profit through partnerships or sponsorships, or getting more people to visit their facilities, or ad revenue, you can't ignore the factor of money. And this is NOT a bad thing, because it allows educators to do what they're passionate about! People deserve to be paid for the work that they do!

But the problem starts when you chase the algorithm instead of actually educating. A "smiling" alligator gets the views, and if people don't know enough to know better, it keeps getting the views. People love unconventional animal stories and they want those animals to be happy- but the inability to even know where to start with critically evaluating these posts really hinders the ability to spread real information. Like, this post will probably get a couple hundred notes, but that video of Coconut being scrubbed had almost 400,000 likes when I took that screenshot. Think about how many eyeballs that's reached by now. What I'm saying here is that it's just... really important to think critically about who you're getting your information from. What do dissenters say in the comments? What do other professionals say? You won't find a single herpetologist that has anything good to say about Prehistoric Pets, I can tell you that right now.

Another reason you can trust me is that my sources are not "just trust me bro," or "years of experience pretending my pet shop where animals come to die is a real zoo." Instead, here are my primary sources for my information on alligator behavior:

Dragon Songs: Love and Adventure among Crocodiles, Alligators, and Other Dinosaur Relations- Vladimir Dinets

The Secret Social Lives of Reptiles- J. Sean Doody, Vladimir Dinets, Gordon M. Burghardt

Social Behavior Deficiencies in Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Z Walsh, H Olson, M Clendening, A Rycyk

Social Displays of the American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis)- Kent Vliet

Social Signals and Behaviors of Adult Alligators and Crocodiles- Leslie Garrick, Jeffery Lang

Never smile at a crocodile: Gaping behaviour in the Nile crocodile at Ndumo Game Reserve, South Africa- Cormac Price, Mohamed Ezat, Céline Hanzen, Colleen Downs (this one's Nile crocs, not American alligators, but it's really useful for modeling an understanding of gape behaviors and proximity)

Thermoregulatory Behavior of Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Cheryl S. Asa, Gary D. London, Ronald R. Goellner, Norman Haskell, Glenn Roberts, Crispen Wilson

Unprovoked Mouth Gaping Behavior in Extant Crocodylia- Noah J. Carl, Heather A. Stewart, Jenny S. Paul

Thank you for reading! Here's a very happy wild alligator from Sanibel for your trouble.

[multishipper-baby]

Warning for medical trauma, but I've been reading a lot of parenting blogs (again) and one in particular has comments that haunt my nightmares. About having to hold down their kids as they cry and beg it to stop because they need treatment even if it hurts, or about young kids begging their parents to help or stop the pain over and over because they didn't understand what was going on.

And because that tortured me so much, I'm passing that onto Derek and lil Deya.

[fazcinatingblog]

Oh yeah I have to fight and beg and plead with my boss tomorrow to not double the invoices for the BAS's just because the timesheet says

[scumvsss]

Disciple Shen Yuan (during disciple Shen Jiu era) who accidentally became the Divination Peak's head disciple bc he worked so hard and used all his meta knowledge, just so he could make a video-based divination system that shows the future. The Peak Lords were all appropriately impressed and this seals Shen Yuan as the next Divination Peak Peak Lord. A lot of pre-canon problems get solved. It becomes a world-changing invention.

Shen Yuan made it just to watch the endings of all his favorite animes.

Just. The hilarity of Peak Lord Shen Yuan becoming this mysterious genius Seer, sought after by the entire cultivational world. And then he just locks himself inside, pretending to be "prophesizing" or something. He's a full blown NEET at this point. He completely misses Shen Jiu's entry to the sect bc he was too busy "dvining" the next episode of Frieren Beyond the Journey's End. The next time he comes out, its with some vague words of valuing time spent with your peers.

The Qing Generation Peak Lords immediately listens to him and are now doing constant meet ups as the equivalent of team bulding exercises. The Shen Qingqiu rumors get solved. Shen Jiu is appropriately wary of this seemingly all knowing Peak Lord whom everyone listens to. And yet he also considers. Someone who can see the future? Someone who can SPEAK of the future they see and CHANGE it? Oh? Someone who can see all possible threats? What do you mean he can also divine your past? Past as in blackmail material?

Shen Jiu, in a fit of genius proving his right to be called the sect strategist, decides he'll have to test tf outta Shen Yuan to see if he can trust him (and sj is also low key terrified and hateful bc here is someone who can ruin everything he's ever done and he will NOT just let it be tyvm) and so Shen Jiu just. Does some minor (extensive) background search. And tries ro get Shen Yuan to snap. Yeah, that's right. Just annoy the scary all-seeing dude.

Shen Yuan eventually gets super annoyed, his inner internet troll has been desperately struggling to get free for YEARS, and now here's a convenient target who totally deserves it. Shen-Shixiong you total prick, why do you keep digging up everything about Shen Yuan!

So. In a fit of similar genius spiked with way too much pettiness, Shen Yuan goes "You little prick, lets see how you like it when YOUR privacy gets invaded!" and promptly plays a random scene from Shen Jiu's future ala projector style while they were in a Peak Lord meeting.

Shen Yuan made sure its nothing distressing or embarassing, he's petty not cruel! Except he did this by just doing a routine surface level scan of the emotions involved, and it was on "happy." Shen Yuan, a fuerdai who never really knew about Shen Jiu's past, just assumed it'd be a basic scene of maybe having a good meal or talking to a friend or something. He did NOT realize how fucking rare "Happy" is for Shen Jiu.

The scene that plays is a marriage.

Two figures decked in regal red marriage robes are in a bow in front of each other. The unmistakeable Grand Hall of Cang Qiong swathed in tastefully luxurious decorations surrounds them. There are also a lot of other damning details.

Qing Jing Peak's logo is embroidered onto the billowing ribbons. Paired with Divination Peak's own logo.

The two figures stand.

Its Shen Jiu and Shen Yuan.

When future-Shen Jiu actually smiled at future-Shen Yuan (who looks disgustingly in love wtf) and started leaning in for a kiss, present-Shen Yuan violently slams the divining tool off.

The loud slam is followed with a damning silent moment. That, unfortunately, lasted only for an actual moment.

Someone clears their throat.

Its Qi Qingqi.

She has a shit eating grin on her face. Besides her, Wei Qingwei's expression is slowly starting to match. Around, the other peak lords are either too invested, or carefully avoiding looking at him and Shen Jiu.

Shen Yuan very, very carefully does not look Shen Jiu's way.

"So..." Qi Qingqi begins. "Interesting divination there, Shen-Da-Shixiong, Shen-Er-Shixiong." Her words practically drip with insinuation.

Oh God. Oh Fuck. Fuck no.

Side Notes:

Shen Yuan's eyes glow a beight system blue whenever he "divines the future"

Shen Yuan wears a fortune teller outfit, meaning he's typically covered head to toe, complete with a veil.

Shen Yuan CAN actually see the future and show it to other people, either ala projector style 2d view of his choosing. or a complete 3d (like a pensieve in hp)

[norristrii]

LOVING YOU THE LOUDEST (or the quietest).

IN WHICH… who’s the yapper and who’s the listener in your relationship.

featuring. Lando Norris, Max Verstappen, Oscar Piastri, Carlos Sainz, Charles Leclerc & Lewis Hamilton.

warnings. established relationship, fluff, 1k words.

LANDO NORRIS: yapper! bf x yapper! gf

You and Lando are so loud—like, Zak can hear you two entering the paddock from inside the McLaren garage. There’s never a quiet moment; you’re always yelling, play fighting, making sure the whole world knows you’ve arrived. Whether it's racing each other to the hospitality suite or cracking jokes that only the two of you find funny, the energy is always off the charts.

The paddock has learned that silence, when it comes to you two, is a rare and deeply suspicious. If you ever stop yelling, teasing, or causing a general ruckus for more than a few minutes, panic spreads. Engineers glance at each other nervously. The media starts speculating. Mechanics whisper, “Something's off. They’re too quiet.”

You two are incapable of behaving normally. The moment your eyes meet, it’s instant mischief—grinning like you’re plotting something, pulling faces, throwing middle fingers at each other like it’s a competition. There’s never a dull moment.

And then there’s Lando, who has absolutely no volume control. One second, he’s shouting across the paddock, “THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND!!” like he’s narrating a rom-com, making everyone turn their heads in confusion. The next, he’s randomly singing, mumbling nonsense, or repeating the same word over and over just because the silence between you two felt too unnatural.

There is no peace. There is no quiet. Just pure, uncontrollable chaos.

MAX VERSTAPPEN: yapper! gf x listener! bf

Max is an exceptional listener. No matter how much you talk, ramble, or go off on tangents, there’s never a moment where he makes you feel like it’s too much. He listens—fully present, fully engaged, as if every word genuinely matters to him.

But when it comes to racing, his team, his car, and strategy? That’s when the roles reverse. Suddenly, he’s the one talking nonstop—analyzing every detail, breaking down scenarios, venting frustrations, sharing insights that only someone who lives and breathes racing would notice. And sometimes, out of nowhere, he’ll drop some random fact, something entirely unrelated—just because he thought you’d find it interesting.

And then, there’s the real sign—the way he talks to you. It’s in the way his voice softens just slightly when he’s telling you something important, the way his tone shifts when the conversation is just between the two of you. It’s not loud, or dramatic—it’s quiet, effortless, genuine.

And the most telling part? He remembers everything. If someone casually asks, “Hey Max, what allergies does she have?” he answers immediately, without hesitation. Because he’s the kind of person who doesn’t just listen—he keeps everything, as if every detail about you is worth remembering.

OSCAR PIASTRI: yapper! gf x listener! bf

Oscar being the best listener? Obviously. It’s almost a personality trait at this point. He’s calm—sometimes too calm.

Like when you see a spider in the bathroom. You scream, panic, throw yourself into his arms like it’s a life-or-death situation. And him? Completely unfazed. Just a shrug, a sigh, and a casual walk toward the spider like it’s his daily routine. One swift motion, problem solved, no reaction. Meanwhile, you’re still recovering from the emotional rollercoaster.

But beyond the calm, beyond the spider-killing efficiency, there’s the real Oscar—the one who remembers everything. Your favorite color? Locked in. The exact way you like your coffee? Stored in the database. The specific meal you order at McDonald’s, every single time? He could recite it by heart.

And then, there’s racing—the one place where you’re the loudest voice in the room, the one he always hears. Your cheers cut through everything—through the noise, the crowd, the chaos—and he loves it. Loves how you talk his ear off about things, loves that you fill the silence in his head with you.

He might be quiet. He might not always say much. But if there’s one thing you can count on—he’s always listening.

CARLOS SAINZ: listener! gf x listener/yapper! bf

Carlos is the perfect balance—the rare type who can sit back and absorb everything or take charge of a conversation when needed. Some people are either talkers or listeners, stuck on one side of the spectrum. Not him. He can listen to you for hours, days even, never making you feel like you’re saying too much. He’s the kind of person who actually hears what you’re saying—not just nodding along, but really listening, remembering, understanding.

But flip the switch, and suddenly, he’s the yapper—especially when he’s passionate about something. He can break down races, debate strategies, or go on a tangent about a completely random topic, and you’d sit there listening just as easily. The flow of conversation with him never feels forced—it just happens naturally, like a perfect back-and-forth rhythm where neither of you ever feel the need to hold back.

And that’s the magic of Carlos Sainz. He listens when you need him to, and talks when it’s his turn—effortless, balanced, and always present.

CHARLES LECLERC: listener! gf x yapper! bf

Charles is such a yapper—but in the best way possible. He can jump from deep, philosophical conversations to completely random thoughts like, “Why is the sky blue instead of green?” And somehow, both feel equally important when he’s talking.

And the best part? You love listening to him. Whether he’s ranting about something serious, sharing his dreams, or just going off on one of his endless thought spirals, his energy makes every conversation captivating.

And then, there’s the fact that he talks about you—to Lewis, to the team, probably to anyone who will listen. Your date? He gives Lewis the full breakdown. Something funny you did? He’s sharing it like it’s the highlight of his week. He just loves talking about you, like every little thing is worth mentioning.

He’s the kind of person who could talk forever, and you’d never want him to stop.

LEWIS HAMILTON: listener! gf x yapper! bf

Lewis is one of those undercover yappers—people assume he’s more reserved, but once he gets going, he does not stop. He’s got opinions, insights, stories, and he’s not afraid to share them.

Silence? Not really his thing. He fills every gap with conversation—whether it’s about sports, fashion, music, racing, life, or even deep philosophical thoughts. He thrives on discussion, on exchanging ideas, on turning even the smallest detail into an interesting conversation.

And with you? Oh, he talks even more. He knows you’ll listen, knows he can tell you anything—whether it’s breaking down a race weekend, analyzing the latest streetwear trends, or just casually debating something completely random. He’s effortlessly engaging, effortlessly present, always keeping the conversation flowing.

So yes, Lewis is a yapper. Not the loudest in the room, not the most obvious—but the kind who, once he starts, pulls you into his world, word by word, thought by thought, until you never want him to stop.

© norristrii 2025

babsie radio ! My first fic that includes grid…quick headcanons as I’m trying to finish fuckboy! lando… I love doing these short headcanons, and there’s definitely coming in the futuree!! I’ll do separated masterlist for the grid<33