#everything blurs together for me
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yes im aware most of these are s2 (also i know the pride comic could/should be an option but wanted to keep it to the show also i ran out of options)
#dghda#brotzly#gentlyman#dirk gently#todd brotzman#dirk gently's holistic detective agency#dghda poll#my polls#apparently my ideal brotzly first kiss is todd says/does something#and dirk immediately needs to tongue him#this is coming from my subconcious i guess#i feel like s2 has more first kiss potentional#and the brotzly dynamic in s2 in the emotional department is so much more my jam#i dont think anybodys surprised by the brotzly angst gremlin saying that#also i feel like this poll maybe have been made before and i apologise if it has#everything blurs together for me
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2021 marc márquez you are so important to me!!!
#just found this on my ipad…. what do u mean 2021 was 3 years ago…#he was adapting to a post injury life and i was adapting to uni life and i kinned with him soooo much….. and ofc then he won races and i wa#girl ??? we were supposed to struggle together ??? but actually it gave me the motivation to do well soooo#i think 2021 was the year i accidentally worsened my parasocial attachment to him#before that i was like…. more chill about him lol...#like before that i looked at him and wow he's cool and then 2020/21 happened and like ok he's also just a person like me ok! kms#and then kinda taking everything against him personally bc it really blurred my perspectives and idk now i'm trying to be more chill again#ok sorry for the unnecessary dumps#n.upload#marc marquez
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had some brainworms about transfem furina.... can anyone hear me.
i feel like this would have really interesting implications in her story, much as she loves acting, but struggles with it due to the 500 years she spent being forced to act, would being a woman be the same for her? she doesn't know where the act ends and where her actual identity begins. is she a woman because she wants to be, or just because she had to be one. even if she enjoys it more than the alternative, does she actually enjoy it? or is it just because she was one for so long that she enjoys it?
i can imagine that focalors likely didnt care much about her identity/presentation as archons have been shown to be able to change their forms at will basically, but furina is the human counterpart of focalors. she doesn't have that ability to change herself just like that. i imagine gender identity would be much more important to a human, especially one that must keep up an act at all times, than a god, and thus something that would affect her. something she would think about. a lot.
maybe post-prophecy, she would experiment. figure out if femininity is in fact something she wants. maybe she would try to go back to being "cis" and then realize it wasn't right for her. and i imagine that she would flourish more being able to properly express her femininity rather than doing it just because it was apart of the role.
#my art#genshin impact#furina#idk. i think trans readings of furina in general are very interesting. it could work any which way for her.#but. something about the transfem furina hc really hits for me and im not sure why!#it got me thinking!#sorry if these thoughts arent coherent. im not the best at expressing what i want to say. hope it makes sense though!#but god. furina and how complicated her feelings must be on everything is so so so interesting#it must be a nightmare to figure out who she really is and how she really feels. how she really thinks.#since her identity got blurred together with that of being an archon#kinda scared to post this bc i dont usually post headcanon type stuff (probably fear about being Wrong about something) but here we go!#well whatever this is also my sideblog and not my main.
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Me: "ok, wait till it's in game and you have context to react. The storytelling may support the design"
Also me: "THEY FUCKING ELYSIA-IFIED SEELE!!!"
#honkai impact#I'm really not a fan of the new design direction in honkai#its not because of the individual designs#most of them are fine in a vacuum#its just together they all just sorta blur together for me#and its especially noticeable given how fantastic most of the star rail designs have been#ive been watching witch from mercury recently and it really made me realize just how much i dont like mihoyos art style#for characters at least (big fan of their environments)#the characters in witch from mercury all wear pretty similar clothes (uniforms mostly)#but they all look SO distinct because they go so ham on the body shape and hair and eyes and face shape and everything else#every mihoyo lady just seems to be some pretty lady with long flowing hair and like-#its not objectively bad. I just find it boring#i just want more variety ✊️😔#honkai leaks
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LN SPOILERS WARNING
Also just so you know
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When this scene came up my first thought was "Wasn't she bought out?" And then it took me pausing the episode for several seconds to realize that, the whole buying thing only happened in the LN.
I was skimming through LN 13, YESTERDAY.
It's getting serious I'm afraid😶
#it caught me so off guard lmfaoooo#everything truly is blurring together oh this is horrible😭😭😭#the apothecary diaries#the apothecary diaries light novel#spoilers#knh spoilers#the apothecary diaries spoilers
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realizing my situation is fr like probably the most niche thing fucking ever and i don’t think ill ever have someone like truly understand it or how im feeling and ive felt alone before but never like this idk
#like WHO gets told they have cancer but they actually didn’t but their tumor WAS 20 fucking pounds???#like i truly 100% believed for 2+ weeks that i have cancer touching every organ in my body and i just completely shut down#i don’t remember like any of it anymore either! it all just is a huge blur now and everything in my life is melding together#during this i also had pneumonia and a fever of 104 for a whole night#i just feel nuts now like truly#and idk how i could go to therapy#what am i supposed to say…….#what can they even do#i dont know how to cope with it all i guess and it feels so just weird#they diagnosed me with medical ptsd and i just am so like. still shocked and it’s been months since my surgery and since they told me#it’s not cancer!#i am fine!#but i feel so like not#at all#i feel like i am regressing so much emotionally and i fr have no support whatsoever
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fascinated by the way different people hear music
#like when i am listening to a song. i am listening to the drums usually. so the drums are at the forefront of the song and everything else#is underneath them. i can hear which drum and which technique and how closed the hihat is and i can pick out all those small things that#to someone who doesnt play the drums would just be a part of the background and blur together#and its the same with other instruments; someone who plays guitar would hear guitar at the front and be picking out the chords and fingers#and to me its just a funkly little vibe that blends in with everything else#and so on and so forth
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it's been kinda funny for me going from 2 very fucked up ships to sukugo.
#like just. the difference in how i treat them is so#me with obikin and kv: ahahaheehehe anakin raping obi-wan forcing himself on him obi-wan riddled with guilt vash gets BRUTALLY assaulted#me with sukugo: sukuna 🥺🥺 kiss gojo 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 sukuna love 🥺🥺 gojo 🥺🥺🥺 and give him. so many Kiss 🥺#fdhfjgfhdjsjhfshu#i mean it's not like i DON'T have my crazier morally dubious moments with them. (there's nothing i love more than blurred consent)#plus there are aspects of their relationship that do lend themselves for a clash and greater emotional conflict#but they're ultimately a very cute ship. they're just kinky. but they're soft#in contrast to obikin and kv where smth like the lack of consent is inherent to the relationship (at least. in my interpretation of obikin)#as well as like twisted love and crushing psychosexual obsession and codependency and the whole incest thing they both got going on#(i mean obikin isn't incest. but it is. to me)#whereas sukugo is two guys met and found and equal in the other. it's very give and take. it's constructive as ive said before#while the other two are very one person gives and gives and gives and gives#the other takes and takes and takes and takes#until they go up in flames and fuck up everything around them#f.txt#and even in the jjk ships sukugo is quite cute#like lets' say we compare it to smth like fushigo.....THAT'S a crazier ship#it's really about the emotional part#how long the characters have been together and how regard each other. and in these cases. it's bc they're almost (or actual) familial bonds#fdjfhdjfdsffjdsfsjfsdfsdfds it's the incest.#it all comes down to the incest huh FJDSGFHDSG#anyways
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This might sound like an odd comparison, but my relationship with religion is best compared to selfshipping.
Even as a kid, I compared my lack of romantic / sexual attraction to my lack of faith, since they're both these nebulous concepts that so many assume are a universal experience.
But I do feel attraction to fictional characters and I romantically selfship, taking comfort in the unconditional love and support.
And similarly, I have more faith in fictional characters and beliefs than anything "official." Partially due to autism, partially due to religious trauma, partially due to being fictionkin.
The subjects of this faith, this inexplicable pull, often change or cycle over time. Based on my interests, or just what I feel like I need at the moment.
The most notable ones that come to mind are Mega Rayquaza and Gabriel Ultrakill.
Though, funnily enough, the thing that's currently caught my interest is the Adeptus Mechanicus. I am not mechanical, I have no desire to be, and yet.
Something about the atmosphere just draws me in, scratching some deep-rooted itch that made kid me obsessed with anything that had factions in it. To have an allegiance, to fly a banner.
It's silly, getting the overwhelming urge to wear those red robes and light candles. It's silly, how excited I get at the thought of being referred to as part of the Ad Mech.
It's silly, joking that the Mechanicus OST calmed the ever-finicky spirit of the washing machine.
But it feels fun, it feels safe, and dare I say I have a newfound appreciation for that web design degree I'm working on. And that's good enough for me.
Ave Omnissiah!
#admittedly i am. A Bit Scared to post this#but i believe in sharing my experiences!! especially if they're unorthodox!! it's good for the ecosystem!!#*creature noises*#alterhuman#otherkin#fictionkin#angelkin#divinekin#<- tagging this bc i think the angel brain is contributing to it too lol#honestly so much of my identity blurs together that you just can't have one without the other#my gender goes hand-in-hand with my alterhumanity which goes hand-in-hand with my autism which goes hand-in-hand with my selfships#and everything influences everything else#i like being me ouo#fictoreligion#ficto-religion#ficto religion
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HIII mackerel macintosh good morninnng please say hi to les petits frogs for mee :(( good luck w work hell sending u strength i know u will survive!!!!! i still haven't gotten around 2 more bitb im still on ep 1 but it's sooo fucking good dude im losing itttt. rand is still my favorite guy... they all have so much wrong with them. anyway. blue ridge mountains for u <333
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AAUGHHH MOUNTAINS..... ohhhh mountains i miss you mountains......... thank u they are so pretty..... I drove to Richmond last summer to visit one of my friends and went thru the blue ridges on all these tiny little back roads it was the prettiest drive I think iv e ever been on. omg. thank u for the nature pics they are so HEALING...... froggies say hi btw I actually just finished working with them hehe
EXTREMELY EXCITED FOR UR BITB ADVENTURE. also extremely delighted that rand is your favorite you're gonna love the horrors he goes through so much <3 personally i am a rolan guy I love him so dearly oh my godddddd. hi rolan. my little guy. squishing him.
#i havent relistened to bitb in a while i should do that soon. man.#i listened to bitb in one sitting i totally marathonned that shit so the individual episodes blur together for me#have u met rat yet . smile.#EXTREMELY excited. love that shit. the amount of gross gore and body horror in bitb is so good to me its so everything. i love bugs#asks#friends!!!#intertexts
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i come crawling out of my little hole, scroll for ten minutes, then hide away again for months until the cycle repeats itself.
#i do not have WORDS for all of the shit on my mind rn#like oh my god i finally finished watching season 2 of arcane#which was So Conflicting bcos i had no LoL lore knowledge when i watched season one#and then i did a lot of research and wiki deep dives and a lot of fanfic reading and comparing game canon to show canon and general fanon#etc etc etc#and season 2 felt so rushed and a little jank and paced weird but i was so grateful to have my boys back#even if i do not like the whole approach that was made#even if i do not feel like everything and everyone was explored properly#like season 1 was a bit hectic but it balanced itself out but then season 2 was so fucking messy as a whole#and i love it#but i hate it at the same time#i don't know#i have so many thoughts about viktor and jinx and mel and warwick and it just felt like too much happened with no fucking pay off#furthermore: since nothing felt properly explored i didn't feel invested in anyone really#like heimerdinger was just there and then he wasn't#and ekko was there and then he wasn't and then he got a whole episode and then BYE#and omg mel i love mel so much but also everything explored with her felt so surface level#and do not get me started on vi (surprise /s: i do not like her very much at all this season)#the whole season felt like it had very shaky legs to stand on and it felt like it was falling apart bcos even the characters i already liked#like i was struggling to sink my teeth into them and feel invested.#i love jayce and viktor so much but they were both sorta just There#or the stuff with warwick like there was no payoff there really#why is the highlight of the season to me the tøp song yanno#everything else blurred together in a I Guess That Happened; Anyway– nothingburger
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from what i've come to understand it, things like 'emocore' and 'scenecore' are like the kids new way of playing w/ old emo / scene aesthetics. it's like emo/scene aesthetics rlly emphasised w/ the addition of new cultural stuff too that the kids like to make it like.....not a /parody/ of the culture but like the culture watered down to its aesthetics and then those aesthetics turned to 1000? if that makes sense. Its very much based on the AESTHETICS of those subcultures rather than any ACTUAL cutlure that they used to hold. I still think its fun tho. im glad the kids are still being weird and having fun w/ it all :3
That really explains it well, thank you very much!
#1loer#That's what happens to every other ''aesthetic'' or decade of style/fashion: watered down then turned to 1000#so explaining it like that helped me lot#I forget that 2000s culture (not necessarily y2k but something a little later like emo/scene) is no longer current#which like obviously but idk I forget!#everything online happens so fast it blurs together for me#matpat in his retiring video said he was reaching 40 and I gasped#not kh#ask#asks
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I slept but still feel insane hello
#I wish I could have stayed asleep#I don't know how I'm supposed to get anything done when everything blurs together and deadlines mean nothing to me#it all feels fake anyway so it doesn't matter
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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okay so idk if any of my followers are into kink culture at all. but my fiancee and i used to be very active in it. and before we got engaged, we "collared" one another. up until a couple years ago, we both wore our collars 24/7!! but now we're in a different place and we are more comfy without them (sensory needs).
however!! i finally splurged and got myself an "eternity collar" (stainless steel, able to be worn 24/7 vs leather and Brahma web collars). so!! we're about to do an intimate little collaring ceremony in the forest 🥺💖
autumn is my favorite time of year, and autumn (my fiancee) will be seeing the leaves change for the first time this year!!!!!! we're going to have a little picnic at the park and take in all the trees. maybe do little vows 🥺🥺
i want so badly to actually marry her, but i can't bc of financial and SSI reasons. so this will hold me over in the meantime 💖💖💖
anyway i've never done a ceremony before, so this is really really important to me 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i'm so excited for it !!! it's something so special and so bright, which is a welcome change from the dark months i've had ❤️🩹
#I'm like fine irt the last sentence! the past couple months have been blurring by tho#im not really experiencing joy rn and the days are blurring bc im running from my orher feelings u know?#i think this little celebration of our love is gonna remind me why I'm here and that im loved ❤️🩹#ive always told her that my arms were made to hold her. and it's true#i have never felt so strongly or passionate about ANYTHING as much as i feel about loving her#it's my life's purpose. shes my soulmate. my fated love. i can't even explain the bond we have#we have traversed universes together and our souls knew right when to find each other again.#as much as we bicker at times or get frustrated like all couples do. i know shes my home#thats how u KNOW its real lol. i still love her even when she has her stuff all over the floor for the millionth time LOL#anyway ugh i love my fiancee. im so glad that the universe gifted me this guardian angel#to love me. hold me. and take care of me. thru. well everything.#chatter#autumn
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ok when i think about this i shouldve seen this coming tbh [<- might also be losing the ability to properly process positive emotions too]
#nyx yells#k so like. it feels like thing sare just getting hazy and blurring together in my head sometimes#like there are times that i do genuinely feel really happy but its short and then just fades into that haze.#is this bc i repress my negative emotions all the time like is it seeping into the rest of my brain too. or smthn#idk everything feels foggy and nothing seems to shake me out of it.
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