#everyone tells me i cant even though it would be so much better for my mental health

[im2tired4usernames]

You know if your church has an attitude that child education is a waste of time because God and revolutions is coming anytime and the world's just gonna end so the children don't need to waste time to know math and that you need to train them up right they just need to study the Bible and love God your church is lit just a dooms day cult and not even trying to hide it

[aleximustd13]

Feeling like ms. applegate in pill withdrawal in kindergarten 2 today

[imawreck]

His

Pairing: Winter Soldier x Reader

Summary: You and Bucky broke up a few months ago against your wishes, and you’d been trying to move on. When Bucky sees you flirting with another member of the team, he leaves for the next mission to avoid getting in your way. Unfortunately, the mission goes bad, and Bucky isn’t himself when he comes back. He also has a lot to say…

Author’s Note: I realize that in most of my fics Thor is the other romantic interest/situationship, but you CANT tell me that man wouldn’t flirt up a storm with a beautiful woman any chance he got. Also, this is my first smutty fic so feedback and comments would be much appreciated! This is on the more explicit side, so please read with caution.

Warnings: Cursing, mentions self loathing/guilt (it’s Bucky, kinda normal), choking kink, Possessive!Winter Soldier, flashbacks, hair pulling, fingering, metal arm kink, dominant!winter soldier, probably some more but those are the big ones.

Word Count: 4,850

Breakups are ugly most of the time, and almost always one sided.

You and Bucky had been apart for at least three months. You’d stopped counting, wanting to forget it and focus on anything else. It was easier that way, to ignore the heartbreak and clutter up your life with other things to do.

Unfortunately, you still lived in the same tower on the same floor, right across from one another. He was constantly around, and no mattered how hard you tried, you just couldn’t avoid him.

It was hell.

And it was only hell because Bucky hardly gave you a good reason for the break up. Sure, you had your arguments. Mostly about his past and how much better he thought you deserved, to which you’d list all the reasons he was wrong. In reality, those weren’t really arguments. It was just Bucky having a low point, which you were more than willing to help him work through. Outside of those moments, you had felt that your relationship with Bucky was near perfect.

So when he had come back from a mission and broke up with you, his only reason being ‘I can’t be with you,’ it’d been a slap to the face. Like someone had shoved a knife in your heart and twisted.

The worst part was that he wouldn’t even allow you the chance to talk to him afterwards. Every time you were in the same room together alone, he’d find every reason not to speak with you.

So, you’d taken the hint and were now trying to figure out a way to move on.

That was made a little easier when a certain God of Thunder made his interest known to you. Thor was sweet, charming, and a little goofy. Not to mention handsome, with his blonde hair and sky blue eyes.

He’d made an effort to woo you not long after you’d parted from Bucky, and you’d informed him that the breakup was hard for you and that you couldn’t really do something new right now. Thor had been surprisingly understanding, and even took to just being friends quite well. Granted, he was still flirty, but he knew where you both stood and was always happy to lend an ear when you needed one.

He turned out to be just the friend you needed.

From the outside looking in, none of the others thought it was ‘just friends,’ especially when Thor would openly show his interest in you. Especially to a certain Super Soldier.

Bucky was painfully aware of what was going on between you and Thor even though he desperately tried not to be.

His super hearing picked up on the soft laughter you and the god would share, on the hushed whispers you’d exchange late over a mug of coffee when you thought everyone was asleep. His every fiber was attuned to you, and he couldn’t help but fixate on your presence.

You were like gravity to him, and he always found himself near you when he knew he should be as far as humanly possible. He saw the little looks you shared when Thor would compliment you, noticed your shy smile when the god would enter the room. He could tell that Thor was winning you over slowly but surely.

He couldn’t fucking stand it.

So it wasn’t a big surprise when he shipped off on the next mission possible.

You worried, your heart still set on loving him, but you tried to pay it little mind. And after a few days, it actually helped. You felt better, found yourself smiling more. You were beginning to move forward.

That was, until the jet was reported missing. Then Bucky was all anyone could talk about in the tower.

Thor tried his best to keep you in the dark about most of what was going on, and it wasn’t hard seeing as you were just a rather good strategist and not a serious Avenger. You were only really included in skimming over preplanned attacks and making sure they hadn’t missed anything critical.

But word still spread, and worry was ever present.

Needless to say, it was very strange when Mr. Stark called you into a private meeting with himself and two other of the elite team.

“Y/N,” He spoke softly in the kind of tone that lets you know that whatever he says next is going to ruin your whole week. “There’s a situation with Barnes.”

You frowned, eyebrows scrunching at him from where you sat at the rather empty end of the long black table. “I’m confused. Bucky and I broke up months ago. Why are you talking to me about it?”

Steve, who you’d befriended while dating his best pal, looked at you with poorly concealed pity from his seat next to Stark. “Because we know he still means a lot to you and that you’re our best hope in this situation.”

That didn’t make you feel better about whatever was going on at all. “What do you mean ‘this situation?’” You eyed them both, before dragging your eyes over to Doctor Banner who hadn’t done much more than stare at you with a concerned expression bordering on panic.

Stark pressed his fingers to his forehead, “Barnes got triggered on his mission and has infiltrated the tower. We have reason to believe he’s after you.”

You gaped at him. That didn’t make any sense. You weren’t important, at least not as important as one of The Avengers. “Me? Why me?”

“We’ve silently shut the building down and we’re working on evacuating the floors without anyone freaking out.” Tony went on, ignoring your questions, “He doesn’t know that we’re aware he’s here, and we’re trying to keep it that way.” Tony motioned towards a monitor, and the image of Bucky popped up on the screen.

Only he was in your room, and he was dragging his fingers over the picture of the two of you that was perched on the nightstand. They way his fingers smoothed over the glass, the slight pinch in his brows as if calculating instead of recalling. It was like he’d never seen it before in his life. Like he had no connection to the image of himself.

It was a picture he had taken, his arm extended and a smile on his face with your lips pressed to his cheek. You had meant to take it down and stuff it in the box under your bed with all the other memories you had hid from sight, but it was just too painful. You needed something to hold onto.

You watched through the screen as he moved around your room, taking note of certain things and taking careful precautions to ensure that anything he moved was set right back in place. It was eerie to watch a man who was once so comfortable in your space tread with so much hesitance. Like it was the first time he’d been in the space all over again.

“Y/N.” It was Steve’s gentle timbre that brought your attention away from the screen this time. He tried to smile, though it was clearly forced. “We need you to lure him down towards the lower levels. We have to get him to a room where we can better contain him. If he finds out we know he’s back and not… him, then he could snap.”

“You want to use me as bait? For the Winter Soldier?” You stared at them both with wide eyes, panic blooming in your chest. “This is insane!”

Steve sighed, “Y/N… Bucky told me about the incident that happened in the beginning of your relationship.”

Your attention zeroed in on the blonde’s words, your breath hitching.

“He told me what could’ve happened… and what didn’t.”

You walked down the corridor of the Stark tower office floor heading back towards your desk from a late night research meeting with a few of your coworkers. You had decided to stay later than the others so that you could collect and organize the information you needed for the meeting with Mr. Stark the following morning. It was very late, and you were tired, the heels you wore had begun to irritate the soles of your feet hours before.

You clutched the files you collected in your arms, heels clicking on the glossy floors and echoing into the dimly lit corridor. So dim that you didn't see the silhouette of the man standing just feet from you until it was too late.

You only saw a flash of silver before the door beside you was torn open and you were roughly shoved inside. Cleaning supplies clattered onto the floor, spilling liquids over your feet as you cried out. A hand clamped over your mouth, and your head hit the wall with a thunk.

Stormy blue eyes stared at you, cold and unfeeling. Eyes you had seen just days before smiling at you and filled with life.

Your lips moved to say his name against the cool metal of his hand, but his grip on your face was nearly bruising. You could only stare back in fear and attempt to press your body further from him.

He didn't speak, only stared at you and kicked the door to the closet shut.

Fear was a living thing in your stomach, writhing as his eyes snaked down to your red heels and back up again. His head tilted to the side, as if he was trying to remember something. But his eyes remained cold and unrelentingly empty. His flesh hand came up to press a finger threateningly to his lips.

‘Quiet.’

You weren't stupid enough to scream, not with the way he was looking at you, with how close he was. When he removed his hand, you did exactly as he wanted. Silence hung in the small closet, suffocating you. Would he kill you? What did he want? Why hadn't he killed you already?

The cool metal of his palm slipped further down, wrapping around your throat and pressing against your thundering pulse. Your head pounded along with it, and a foggy feeling settled over your mind.

But your lungs still filled with air, and you remained aware. The pressure of his hand was ever present, but it was light enough not to cause real damage... Almost like he didn't want to hurt you.

His tongue darted out to lick his lips, the movement catching your eyes. His body leaned forward, his nose pressing into your neck and his warm breath hitting your skin. Goosebumps rose in its wake, and that lick of fear heightened again. He was acting so strangely, and the longer it went on the more unsettling it was.

When he pulled away, there was a heat in his eyes that wasn’t there before. A hunger, and… and recognition.

“Hello, Beloved.”

“We know that he didn’t hurt you, and that he displayed… certain feelings towards you.” Steve’s voice brought you out of the memory, dragging you back to the reality at hand.

The one where he wants you to put yourself smack dab in the path of the Winter Soldier.

“You’re serious about this?” You blink up at him, trying to gauge if he was joking or not. Level headed as Steve was, you trusted him with your life. But this? This was terrifying and completely unexpected. Ridiculously dangerous.

“It’s the only nonviolent way we can think of. And we’re almost certain there’s no high risk for you.” Steve tried to give you a reassuring smile, tried to hide the hint of unease that shone in his tense shoulders.

“You’ve all lost your mind.” You laugh, sighing and raising your chin. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

Apparently, so had you.

You stared at the metal doors of the elevator, your heart pounding with each toll of the floors passing. This was probably—no, was— the riskiest thing you’d ever done in your life. You trusted Steve and Mr. Stark, but your brain was trained to find the flaws in plans like this. And so many things could go wrong.

“It’s okay, Y/N.” Steve said calmly into your ear, startling you. You’d forgotten they’d given you the earpiece. “I’ll be here the entire time. I’ll guide you through the compound and make sure you stay out of danger.”

You nodded, even though you weren’t sure if they could see you.

“Bucky is leaving your room. We’re going to drop you off in the commons area of your floor. All you have to do is make some noise and then head for the stairwell. Just listen to me, and I’ll get you through this.” Steve sounded so confident in your ear, but it did little to soothe the nerves.

The elevator leveled out, and the doors quietly opened. The large living room opened up before you, unnervingly bright and welcoming despite the danger you knew lurked just down the hall. You stepped out onto the carpet, walking towards the kitchen. Your palms sweat, heart pounding, as you made your way up to the cabinets.

You just had to make some noise. Easy, right?

But your body wouldn’t move.

“Y/N.” Steve’s voice called in your ear again, gently coaxing you from where he watched the cameras. “Make some noise, and then head for the stairs.”

You swallowed, nodding again, and reached with shaky hands towards the cabinet. You grabbed a bowl, and hesitantly set it down on the granite counter. The echoing pok of the ceramic felt too loud in your ears, like a gunshot.

“Good, now move quickly. He’s just down the hall headed your way.”

The words sent a chill down your spine… and something else followed. Something you’d never felt before.

You headed towards the stairs, but your feet felt like lead weights. Like you couldn’t move fast enough even though you knew you were going as fast as you could.

But you could hear the faintest scuff of boots coming behind you and the sound sent your heart into a frenzy.

You raced down the stairs, tripping a few times before righting yourself and continuing your decent down towards the lower levels. Your floor was four levels up from ground level, which meant you had six floors in total to descend before you could get to the containment floor.

Six flights of stairs being chased by The Winter Soldier. A superhuman man who was definitely faster than you, and probably wanted to do something terrible to you. Like a wolf hunting a sheep.

Oh God.

The thought only served to spur the panic rising in you. You kicked up your speed when the door slammed behind you, footsteps pounding after you as the dark silhouette of Bucky Barnes rounded the stairs two flights above.

He took the stairs four at a time, his long legs swallowing up the distance between you. The panic clawed its way up your throat in a strangled cry, and the sound just seemed to quicken his pace.

“I’m not fast enough!” You tried to keep your voice even, tried to keep it quiet in the echoing stairwell so that the soldier behind you would hear.

“You’re almost there, Y/N. Just keep up the pace. Two flights left and—“ but he didn’t get to finish his sentence.

You watched in shocked horror as Bucky’s figure leapt over the railing and plummeted towards the ground. He dropped several flights before his arm snapped out and wrapped around the railing. The sound of metal hitting metal rang out around you as the railing dipped under the crushing pressure.

He hauled himself back onto the stairs just before you. Those cold eyes found yours, dark hair framing sharp features, painting him into something primal. Something wild.

That feeling pounded through you again, skittering along your spine and raising the hairs on the back of your neck. You still couldn’t place it, not with him stepping towards you with a look that promised violence.

You heard Steve’s voice ordering something over the earpiece, but it was distant. It became clearer a moment later. “We’ve got a team heading in. Just… just hang in there.”

You swallowed, but your throat had gone dry in the presence of the assassin before you. His eyes held you in place as his towering form finally stopped a stair below you, leveling with you face to face. So close you could count the stitches in the Kevlar of his suit.

You felt your body shaking, heard your heart thundering in your ears as your chest rose and fell with each short breath you managed to drag into your lungs.

And he watched every move you made.

His head titled to the side exactly like it’d done the first time you’d been trapped with him. His gaze never left you, eyes wandering over your face and heaving chest before that faint look of recognition settled into those hollow eyes.

And then that heat you’d seen before consumed them.

He stepped forward, and you answered with a step back. For each one he took, you pedaled backwards until your body was plastered against the wall. When you tried to flee back up the stairs, his metal hand planted itself against the wall inches from your head.

You were utterly trapped.

Rough Russian left his lips in the softest whisper. The sound was the same as you’d heart him say before, though you didn’t understand it.

Not until now, as the earpiece Steve had given you translated his words as he spoke them.

“Hello again, Beloved.”

Those blue eyes bored into yours, as his other hand came up to brush your cheek with a gentleness you didn’t think he was capable of.

“He’s kept me from you for so long.” Bucky’s body leaned forward, caging you against the wall. His metal hand remained pressed against the wall beside you, and the other dragged across the skin of your neck and shoulder in an almost reverent manner.

Bucky’s— no, this wasn’t Bucky. This was the part of Bucky he kept farthest from you. This was a man known for cruel, unimaginable violence. An assassin known by reputation around the world by both hero and criminal alike and feared by all. This was the Winter Soldier.

Winters lips brushed your jaw, stubble tickling the column of your throat as his voice rumbled against your skin. “Kept you to himself. Never let me touch you. Worried I’d damage you, Beloved. Couldn’t see you needed me.”

His teeth nipped at your skin, and a shiver rolled down your spine in answer. That feeling tugged at your mind again, spurred by his words. But still, you couldn’t place it. Not with your mind consumed by his statements and barely contained yearning.

When his head lifted to find your eyes again, the fingers of his right hand tangled themselves in your hair and pulled hard enough to have your scalp stinging. His next words were guttural and biting, “And then he let you go.”

Winters grip loosened a bit, but his hold on your hair remained. “He pushed you away, and then that god tries to take you from me?” His eyes held you, demanding your utter attention as his head shook slowly, “You don’t belong to him.”

Tugging your lip between your teeth, you clenched your eyes shut. God, you wished Bucky would say that to you. Having Winter here saying these words with Bucky’s voice, Bucky’s face. Touching you with familiar hands…

Heat had begun to pool low in your belly.

The words were spoken in English. “Open your eyes.”

There was no room for objection in his voice, so you did as he said. With his jaw was set in an angry line, and those blue eyes boring into your soul, he leaned in closer. “He thinks that being with you is too dangerous, that you aren’t safe with… with us.”

“What?” Your heart hammered in your chest at his words. It was the first real reason as to why Bucky had broken up with you.

Those silvery blue eyes zeroed on your lips as he spoke again. “He thinks we can’t protect you, that I’ll hurt you. That somehow being further from you keeps you safe from what comes with being what we are.” His metal hand left the wall in favor of brushing over your lower lip and trailing the cool tips of his fingers down to the dip of your breasts and back up to the column of your throat. “I’d never hurt you, not the way he has. Not if you didn’t want it.”

“W-what do you mean?” You just knew he was picking up on how your heart beat harder as his fingers trailed over your skin. Or the way you kept shifting on your feet to stave off the heat thrumming in your veins with an all too familiar want blooming and begging for his hands to explore more.

The faintest hint of a smile graced his face as he gave your hair another gentle tug, then loosened his grip once more. “You like this. I’ve seen how you react with him. How you quietly treasure the marks he leaves on your skin even when he feels nothing but guilt.” That metal hand slipped over your throat again and pressed on your neck exactly as he’d done the first time you’d seen Winter. Your head spun at the pressure, but you could breathe easily under the cool press of his palm as he leaned in, lips brushing your ear as he whispered. “I see how badly you wish he’d touch you with this hand,” he squeezed your neck and loosened it quickly, “How badly you want those marks. How badly you need me.”

You had no words. Nothing to say as he wrung out the truth you’d thought was hidden from him— from Bucky.

Bucky was notorious for avoiding any situation that would make him use the metal arm. He would much rather let it hang there, or act as if he didn’t have it at all. That included when the two of you would get intimate. He never dared to bring it anywhere near you no matter how many times you’d reminded him it was fine, that you weren’t afraid of it. He outright refused to allow it to touch your delicate skin, to let such a catalyst for agony so close to something as precious as you.

Winter knew that you’d secretly craved to feel the cold metal in contrast to his warm skin when he held you. He knew that you would always find it more satisfying when Bucky would lose himself and get rough with you when things got heated. How his flesh hand would leave bruises on your thighs or hips to keep you steady as he thrust himself deeper.

Just the thought had you aching, and here was Bucky’s darker half offering you everything you’d ever wanted.

You were losing your fucking mind.

“You’re wrong,” you whispered, but the words were flimsy and meaningless. He knew the truth, but that didn’t mean you had to say it aloud.

His metal fingers dug into your jaw, his grip near bruising as he tilted your head up to level your eyes with his. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Dollface.” His lips were a hairs-width away, his warm breath fanning over your face.

The scent of him was intoxicating, muddling your mind even further with heady leather and metal invading your nose. The hint of that aftershave you’d missed so much since Bucky broke your heart.

Winter was tearing you apart at the seams.

“Please,” you whispered. Please what? You didn’t know. You could hardly think straight. That feeling was so strong, thrumming along with your pulse and the ache for something. Anything.

“Tell me I’m right.” He mumbled against your skin. Soft lips, a vast contrast to his rough demeanor, to the calloused hand that remained tangled in your hair, trailed down your cheek. “Tell me that you want me. Not the pathetic excuse for a god, or him. That you want me.”

His metal hand released your face, drifting over your neck and dragging over the left side of your chest. He circled once, thumbing over your nipple with a knowing look filled with every sinful promise known to man.

And then he went lower and lower…

His fingers caught the waistband of your leggings, the chill of his fingers raised goosebumps across your stomach, only serving to worsen that burning need.

“Doll,” a command and a question wrapped in one word.

All you had to do was admit your darkest most guarded secret. Confess, and he would give you what you wanted most. What Bucky was too afraid to do.

You opened your mouth, the words tumbling out as he gave your hair another tug.

“I want you.”

That smirk grew just a fraction more, his fingers slipping past your waistband and toying with the hem of your panties.

Fuck, did you wish you’d gone commando today.

“Who am I?” He asked, teeth nipping down your neck hard enough to know they’d leave marks. “I want you to say it, Y/N.”

Those fingers slipped further, rolling over your aching clit in a teasing stroke before he pulled them away again.

If he wasn’t a literal assassin, you’d consider strangling him.

“For fucks sake,” you gripped his arm, your voice unfamiliar in your own ears, ragged and broken. “Winter, please.”

He didn’t waste time, deft, cool fingers dipping into your core with confidence. Soothing that aching heat.

Fuck.

His thumb circled slow as he pumped his fingers, his mouth leaving wet kisses along your jaw up to your lips where he paused long enough to catch a glimpse of your face. You knew you looked like an utter mess, but those blue eyes showed nothing but twisted delight. He leaned forward and tugged your bottom lip between his teeth, bitting hard enough to make you groan.

Winter’s answering grunt of approval urged you further towards the edge of oblivion those perfect metal fingers were working you towards.

God you were so close. Each movement, every touch and bruise he left on your skin pushing you closer and closer. Just a bit more, a fraction more and you’d—

His fingers wrenched away, gone in an instant.

Your eyes, closed from the pleasure just moments ago, snapped open just before the doors to the stairway above and below you burst open. Floods of agents filed through the doors, and a gun fired.

The sharp sound echoed in the confined space making you flinch. Winters back pressed you against the wall, a solid shield of muscle keeping you out of harms way.

Then the weight was too heavy. His body crushing you as he slumped toward the floor. You screamed, immediately thinking the worse as your eyes searched his form in a panic.

But you found no blood, thank God.

“He’s fine, Y/N.”

Steve’s hand on your shoulder had you flinching back, head snapping to his suit clad form. “The gun—“

“It’s just a tranq. I promise, Bucky will be fine.” His face was the picture of practiced reassurance.

A horde of agents rushed forward and cuffed Winters hands and dragged his unconscious body out of the stairwell and further towards the confinement room. Steve remained with you, his eyes flicking to your neck a few times and checking you over to make sure no serious damage had been done.

When you’d gotten yourself back to your room away from the prying eyes and the relentless questions, the reality of what had happened slammed into you.

You just let the Winter Soldier finger you in a fucking stairwell.

And you liked it.

Plunging your fingers into your hair, you took a shaky breath. What the fuck were you thinking? Had you lost your damn mind? Bucky broke up with you three months ago! You were done; over, moving on. He could remember this, for Christ sake! How would you explain it?

Panic writhed in your stomach, but so did the faint ache of need that reminded you of what had just happened mere minutes ago.

The feeling of his metal hand on your skin, the feeling of those fingers working you perfectly and the pressure of his bruising grip.

And that feeling that you couldn’t place.

But now you had a word for it.

From the thrum of your heart as he chased you down the stairs, the promise of violence and sinful pleasure in his eyes. The roughness of his actions…

It was the thrill.

You liked the chase. You liked how rough he was. The delicious blend of panic and pleasure.

And he’d been interrupted before you got the release you’d craved. That you needed.

Frustration boiled to the forefront of your mind, a dozen different strategies with it.

He’d made you confess your darkest secret only to leave you high and dry.

And damn him if he wasn’t going to finish what he started.

[corvuscorona]

Nobody is wrong for having bitter feelings abt having been inconvenienced by webp while it WAS not supported by software they were trying to use to edit images they downloaded from websites they expected to be handing them pngs or whatever, is the thing. I get what you're saying + agree with the essence of most of it, but I think you're underestimating the amount of responsibility that Software Knowers & Doers just kind of. have. to make interactions like "new file format is suddenly getting downloaded onto your computer instead of the old one you know about already" not piss people off.

the people involved in this kind of interaction WHO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING probably should assume that to avoid problems down the line they either have to make Sure the change goes smoothly for the end user, or explain themselves coherently somewhere the end user is likely to notice and understand the explanation. I recognize that this is easier said than done but this isn't, like. something I personally think Should Be Done for moral reasons or whatever; it's just the only way I can think of to realistically have the webp problem not happen. specifically:

1. the onus is on developers to build support into their shit for formats they consider to be up-and-coming in some way, Before most people need it, if they want to live in a world where bitter intractable end users don't manifest all over the place and then stay there. (+NUANCE JUST IMAGINE THERE IS NUANCE HERE FOR YOUR USE CASE OF CHOICE.)

2. the onus is also on web developers to not be changing images into formats that aren't supported (YET.) by software people are going to want to use to do stuff with those images, or bitter end users Will Manifest. they just will. (imagine slightly less nuance here. I'm The Most mad at whoever typed characters that made webps start happening to my downloads folder instead of pngs.)

3. the reasons these things weren't done don't matter as long as the statement being made is "for a lot of end users, this behavior made webp suck bad"

4.a. there is a third onus, on everyone who knows why webp is good, why it got made to suck bad for end users, and whether when & under what circumstances end users can expect it to STOP sucking bad, to explain those things non-confrontationally in public sometimes, if they would like to get complained in front of less.

4.b. "there's no reason for webp to exist" is an IGNORANT complaint but calling it a "bad" complaint is reductive, imo. you have more of a reason to understand why someone might think webp is pointless than the average Webp Complainer has to know what the whole deal was & is with it.

5. hyperspecific thing: I personally would prefer to live in a world where ESPECIALLY playful, low-effort editing of images downloaded from the internet were frictionless. I believe that a lot of parties' reasons for not prioritizing or considering this when designing software are stupid and suck. my believing this isn't going to like generate change in the world by itself or anything but it seemed relevant to mention. who decides what criteria are important & when !! how much responsibility does Websites Georg have to cater to my sense of whimsy. legally NONE ethically IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY.

& finally 6. I use computers in a way that is annoying and webp still isn't supported by my image editing program of choice or my file browser (thumbnails don't work), which is annoying, and it's also annoying to have to navigate this whole file format conversion issue when I'm working on picky shit like video games or low-effort shit like spur-of-the-moment discord emotes. so I still get hyperspecifically mad about webp on a semi-regular basis, unfortunately.

one piece of Computer Guy contrairianism i can't stand is "webp isn't actually bad, the programs you use just aren't equipped to support it!" okay well. soudns like for all intents and purposes its bad then innit

[soob1nslut]

⌗ ch.soobin hcs

cw nsfw, fingering, breath play(!!), bondage & loots of kisses >ᴗ<

GENDER NEUTRAL!!

these are based on either my personal experiences/preferences ₊ ⊹

⌇ praise kink

ohh my god. soobins praise kink would be INSAANEE. nothing turns him on the way a "good boy" does. even during the day if someone pats his head and tells him hes doing well, he gets hard and gets all flustered. especially from you. god, nothing gets him weaker than you telling him how cute and pretty he is and how good he's making you feel and your pretty boy loves to beg for you, saying things like "please tell me im doing well" or "call me __" and you get to tease him by just giggling while he begs you, rocking his hips and whining over and over again. soobin also loves to call you 'cute', saving this word for when you're writhing and cumming underneath him, whispering into your ear how cute you sound and how cute you look.

⌇ foreplay/aftercare

soobin absolutely loves foreplay. he will finger you until your mind goes blank and you're begging him to fuck you. he loves when you clench down on him, your body arching into his chest as he rests above you, lips on your neck. he presses against your sensitive spots and giggles at how your body twitches and shudders at that. soobin also loves when you go down on him. you take his whole length in your mouth and he cant hold back his desperate whimpers. he refuses to grab your hair, not wanting to hurt you, so you have to guide his hands to your head. he subconsciously ends up pushing your head down, but gently enough as not to force himself inside your mouth. what a good boy!! he also spends a lot of time on your chest, teasing your nipples till you push him down your body. soobin's great at giving you head. he goes at it like a man starved. the warmth of his mouth combined with sometimes his fingers deep in you drives you absolutely insane, you end up cumming so much just during foreplay. during aftercare, soobin cleans up for you two, making sure you don't have to move a muscle. he cleans you up, dresses you, and pulls you into his arms. he kisses you softly on your cheeks and makes sure you fall asleep. he stays with you all throughout the night even if he has somewhere to be the next morning, and he makes sure he'll only fuck you days that he has time to spend the night.

⌇ breath play psa -- unless i was wrong, which then u are ofc able to correct me (but unfortunately i will not give a shit im so sorry i cant lie to you this is the least of my priorities), choking/strangulation is a form of breath play as breath play is restricting airflow of ur partner .. ?? i wasnt down to write something like he puts a fucking plastic bag over ur head. sorry my bdsm skills are not top tier. i assume most everyone who writes hcs is not well versed in the world of bdsm. unless im wrong and i should've deep dived into the webMD page. i did take my bdsm test though!

soobin and breath playyy. i struggle with deciding which would be better, you choking him or him choking you. im sure he would be hesitant if you proposed the idea at first, but you soon learn how much he loves it. his body hovering above yours, his hips rocking back and forth as his hands tighten slowly around your neck. he'd be losing his breath faster than you would. as his hands clenched harder, he'd quicken his pace, fucking you till you scratched against his hands. he'd kiss you softly, nuzzling his face into your neck, admiring the red marks he left on your skin. on the contrary, soobin asks if you want to try it with him. getting on top of him was natural to you, and it seems like his neck was made to fit your hands. he looked so perfect; his neck craning back into the pillow while his hands grip onto your hips, his desperate pleas for more and more filling the room. he didn't tell you to stop till he started crying, tears trailing down his cheeks. he'd pull you into his arms, kissing you while you rubbed his neck.

⌇ bondage

picture him sitting underneath you, hands behind his back, being unable to touch your perfect body as you went down on him. he flinched as your lips pressed a kiss against him, his cock twitching in anticipation. he was nervous but so so so excited as you guys had never tried bondage before. as you sucked him off, his body jolted with pleasure. he struggled against the ropes, desperate to feel you in his hands. but alas, it was to no use -- you had tied him tightly and all he could do was take it like the good boy he was. when you finally untied him, the ropes had left red puffy marks on his wrists. you kissed the skin where he had been tied. when you asked soobin to tie you up, he awkwardly fumbled around with the ropes until deciding he'd just tie your hands together at the front. he wanted to try something. he slid his cock in between your hands, the friction of your hands together creating such a perfect hole for him to fuck. it was an insane sight but seeing him so hot and heavy made you so so horny.

⌇ kissing

soobin and his love for kissing. all he wants to do is kiss you. every chance he can. he loves tongue to tongue, especially making sure you taste him as best you can. even when you're out of breath and gasping for air, soobin's lips don't ever leave your body. he kisses down your waist, your inner thighs, your ass, the nape of your neck, down the curve of your back, and your hips. he worships every inch of you and wants to make that clear. every night before you two fall asleep, he makes sure to kiss you a few times to ensure he can properly sleep through the night. he loooves when you kiss his dimple ૮₍ ´ ꒳ ` ₎ა

thank you for reaaading!! lmk if you have any you have requests for more ^_^ loove.. moA っ>ㅅーっ

[messylustt]

I just finished the Miguel fic and its not bested YET my standers are HIGH. With that being said i have a hobie blurb/fic idea

goody reader! who hobie swear he cant stand (he's obssessed)

you angelllll and this scenario for hobie—ugh it lives rent free now THANK YOU my sweet anon

GOODY-TWO-SHOES AND BRITISH PUNK — hobie brown + reader: just hobie pushing away the fact that he’s obsessed with you, by finding your goody nature “annoying”.

marks no warnings. just a bit of banter. wc 1.6k.

When you joined the spider society, everyone thought of you as ‘sweet’ and an all in all ‘do gooder’. Many found it endearing, while Hobie claimed to think the complete opposite.

Even though his mouth was saying things like “ya could ‘ave aimed that web better.” And “maybe try catchin’ the evil guy next time…ay?” His body had always stayed close to you.

He said things regarding your ‘sweetness’, pinning it as ‘no good’, it won’t help being overly sweet while fighting bad guys. And god did you being a little ‘do gooder’ and following the rules piss him off the most.

But even after all those confirmations in his head he found himself looking for you, standing next to you in de-briefs or when a few of you would just hang out. It was always when you were in a group—Hobie was near.

And right now as you listened to Jess speak on the new ‘villain of the week’, you felt a presence beside you. As you glanced to the left you saw Hobie, standing, hands in pockets, as he acted oblivious to his own body’s movements.

He had moved closer to you. In his head he brushed it off as him just making sure you were listening and paying attention to Jess’s words so that you wouldn’t fuck anything up this time. (Not that Hobie ever does pay that much attention himself).

Hobie had never been a nitpicker, but when it came to you he noticed all the details. He could almost tell you your own body’s habits before you even realised them yourself. Like the little nose scrunch you’d do when you were bored. Or the tilt of your head, signalling that you were really trying to listen. Or even the press of your lips, showing that you were just…thinking.

He didn’t pay much attention to his reasons for taking such close notice though. No. Because he's sure that the sole reason (only one) is because you've always annoyed him.

“So please….” Jess is saying. “Please don’t touch any of the guy’s gadgets.”

Then the debrief is over, and you’re getting to your feet, having jumped up onto a ledge. Hobie can’t help but watch as you began to walk towards a portal. “Careful there luv…woul’n’t want you to get ahead of yourself. Maybe ya should stay back this round?” Hobie walks backwards, leaning his head slightly to the side as he moves to the portal.

You press your lips together, eyeing him. What is she thinking about?—Hobie thought to himself, eyeing you back, as he continues to speak. “To be good at ya job, ya gotta loosen up on those rules, ya do know that…right?”

“You say that like you think I’m wound tight.” You say, slowly walking with him—his feet still walking backwards as you walked forward.

He raises a brow. “Aren’t you, luv?” He tongue began to absentmindedly play with his lip ring, dragging it slightly between his teeth as he neared the portal. Then he’s leaning back, and falling through it, you not far behind.

The portal had opened up over a high sky, resulting in you both falling. Hobie tilted his head, watching as you faced each other, skyrocketing down. You spare him a tilt of your head, before your web is attaching to a building as you slip away from his line of sight. And Hobie doesn’t know why but his lips had began to twitch up.

Shooting his own web out, he swung to a stop on the building, where everyone else resided. And of course, he yet again moved closer to you.

Directions were given by Jess as the spider variants all went their separate ways. "Nah, you're comin' with me." Hobie says, grabbing your arm as he pulls you towards the edge of the building. "I thought I bothered you too much..." you mutter more to yourself.

"What was that?" Hobie asks, but you just spare him a "Hm?" before you're web slinging to the next building. Hobie scoffs, copying the action.

Soon you're both swinging past buildings, and when Hobie attaches his web to where yours was gonna go, your face actually displays a slight scowl. Hobie raises his brows—effortlessly swinging backwards. "See...I knew ya were fakin' ya sweetness." Hobie comments through the wind.

"And when were you paying so much attention to me for you to know that?" You call back, slipping past him as your hand slightly brushes his guitar strap. He doesn't like the feeling that crawled up his neck when you brushed so close. He was the one who initiated the closeness, and you having barely touched him made him quickly follow you.

Then you're both swinging almost together, Hobie's gaze stuck on your relaxed posture. "Ya did learn from last time right, luv?" Hobie asks, to which you lazily glance at him.

"That wasn't my fault." You say, slipping through a narrow gap. Hobie went over so as not to scratch his guitar. "Ya can't be that blind...can ya?"

"You know, I've never understood why you act like this." You say, coming to a stop on a lower building and gazing down, spotting the gadget wearing anomaly. Hobie fluidly stops beside you as you both crouched down. But as you stared at the anomaly, Hobie stared at you.

"Act like what?" He asks, feeling a strange urge to pull your mask off. Why did he want to see your expressions when he was talking to you?

You glance at him. "Act like you hate me. Maybe you do...but I just can't pinpoint an exact reason why."

"Aw..." Hobie coos. "Scared not everyone is fallin' for ya goody-two-shoes act?"

"It's not an act. And I am not a goody-two-shoes." You slightly huff out.

"Yeah ya are..." Hobie hums out, almost sounding amused. "You always follow the rules, being a dottin' little helper to Miguel."

You look back to the anomaly. Jess had said to wait, as backup, so you do, trying your best to ignore a now closer hobie. "And you always do that...can't find a reason for it either." You mutter.

"Do what?" Hobie shifts closer. You turn your head, eyeing him. "That. Coming close."

"Maybe I'm scared you might do something overly heroic, just to get into Miguel's good books."

"Hobie being scared? Now that's a first." Hobie's surprised to hear the clear sarcasm in your voice. "And what makes you think I'm trying so hard to get into Miguel's 'good books'?" You ask.

"Ya are always the first to accept missions." Hobie says, and he hopes you don't notice his slight jealous tone. "And Miguel seems rather pleased with that."

"Maybe because I'm doing my job?" You ask, finally glancing at him again. And Hobie can't help but swiftly grab your mask. He wanted to know if you were bored, thinking, or actually listening to him.

"Hobie..." You say, reaching for your mask again. "I need that."

But Hobie just pockets it in his jacket. "Nah, Jess won't need us. She's too prideful and...usually completes missions..." He eyes you like he's hinting at something.

"I'm sorry—but when have I ever not completed a mission?" You have a slight frown on your face. And Hobie grins under his mask, liking seeing your expressions. Especially because he's been able to get new ones, like a frown and a scowl.

"Last week." He answers, fiddling with your mask material in his pocket.

You groan. "I told you, that wasn't my fault."

"Hm..." Hobie's eyes had begun to grow distracted in your moving mouth, noticing the details...yet again. The way they would slightly part when you were confused. You were confused now, so Hobie got a chance to see a fraction of your teeth. Why was he focusing so hard? And maybe if his mask was off, you would see exactly where his gaze was trapped.

"Hobie." You say, noticing he had stayed silent for a little too long. "Hobie." You shuffle closer to knock his shoulder. "Can I have my mask back?"

But he just began to shake his head. "Nah...I think I'll keep it." He then stands, looking down at you. You quickly get to your feet also, eyes narrowed. "Why? I do actually need it."

Hobie just shrugs, feeling thoroughly amused with the whole situation. You go to reach for his pocket, but he easily dodges. "This is really not the time." You mutter, trying again. But Hobie just moves around you.

You then swiftly shoot a web, aiming for the inside of his pocket, but hobie snatches the end, yanking you towards him, making tumble to a stop against his chest. And you can feel the slight rumble of a chuckle, making you quickly stand straight, only for your breath to hitch.

Because now his mask is off, and he's extremely close. Now you can see his eyes dart, fully absorbing your details, and you actually grow to feel a tad nervous. "Can I please have it back?"

"Back to the fake sweetness, are we?" He asks, his gaze now stopping on your lips.

"It's not fake." You mutter out, moving to step back, but Hobie tightens his hold on your web, keeping you still. "What are you doing?" You ask, a slight groan of annoyance edging your tone.

Hobie tilts his head, acting as if he isn't doing anything, as his finger comes out to just brush your collarbone through your suit. You don't know what to do, as you stare at him. He'd never been this close, facing you, at least. He's always been behind you or beside you. And now as his tongue comes out to lick his full lips, you find your gaze getting caught up in the action.

"I'm not a goody-two-shoes..." You choose to say, still slightly hung up on the nickname.

"Yeah...ya are." Hobie repeats, this time quieter. "...but it's..." You narrow your eyes on him. 'It's' what? "It's kinda cute, luv."

Your eyes widen. "W-what?"

"Hm?" He quickly hums, before he's webbing away, making you spin to gaze after him. "Hobie!" You call, as you quickly web after him.

© messylustt.tumblr please don’t steal, copy or translate my work onto other platforms.

[cryptic--writing]

Hiya 👋🏻

It’s not really a kinktober request, but maybe you’ll consider doing it? No pressure though))

Ajaf era James, where he was drinking a lot. He understands that that affects him and turns him into a monster. He’s afraid he’s going to hurt reader, but he can’t break up with her for her safety, he loves her too much. So he comes up with stupid plan of making her break up with him because of his behavior? So he starts to undermine her efforts, e.g. the meals she cooks “could have been better”; makes fun of her simple 9-5 job , saying that’s she lucky she can have a relaxed job cause he’s earning most of the money and covering the bills. Although she’s hurt, she is staying as she loves him and thinks it’s the alcohol talking. James, realizing his plan doesn’t work, makes the final move: after they have sex one evening, he tells her that groupies do a much better job. That’s too much for her to take so she leaves him.

Unfortunately, after break up he feels even worse. Lars is worried so he interrogates him, and drunken James confesses. So Lars finds reader and locks her in the studio with James for them to reconcile (can we have smut here)?

Few weeks later when they start recording black album, James plays her a song (which will become nothing else matters), saying that it’s his way of telling everyone how much she means to him?

I’m sorry I can’t write short asks 🥲🥲🥹🥹

You are a great writer so I really hope this will become a story 🙏🏻

hihi!

and omg its here. took me 9 days to write it lmao but yeah

i cant explain how much I loved this idea pls marry me annon

also ~~~ means POV change (yes there is James and reader pov)

this fic has legit everything so I hope y'all enjoy it bc I busted my ass on it

some parts may be confusing idk

anyways

word count: 10623

warnings: mentions of achohol/drugs, death is mentioned, toxic relationship, break up, angst, smut, fluff, I'm prob forgetting smth

OR SO I THOUGHT (1989)

It had been a rough couple months with James. I felt determined to help him with his only worsening alcoholism, though he only continued to shut me out. I could feel the guilt when he was around, but it didn't make him stop. I tried, I really did, encouraging him to talk to me, to help me help him. 

It was the same sad scene every night. James would come home, probably around midnight, and I couldn't sleep without him next to me, so I was up, all those hours, wondering as I tossed and turned as to where he might be. All I knew is I was in for a scary time when he got back, but I eventually grew tough skin to deal with this.  Understood that this wasn't safe for me, or him, and I stressed that so, so much to him, but James never understood. Well, he never told me he did. Maybe there was more going on in his heart I never knew about. But, of course, I could never discover as he would always close himself off so much.

It was another day where the cycle would repeat. I woke up at three am to the sound of James stumbling in, mumbling something under his breath before he plopped down on the bed beside me, and I knew well enough to hold my tongue, to not provoke him. I pretended I was asleep, which he believed, trying, or at least I think he was trying, to snuggly up next to me, but he had his back to me. His arms weren't around me. Maybe that's all I yearn for now, to be loved and held.

Once I could finally go back to sleep, I was awoken not much later by the sound of my blaring alarm. It was seven am, time to get ready for work. James is a heavy sleeper, he never woke up from my alarms, though I always rushed to turn them off, just in case they would wake him. Slipping out of bed with a groan, I observed his sprawled out body, his shoes still on. I'm glad he made it to the bed this night, as others he would end up on the couch, or in his car, or somewhere I had no idea of.

I pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, like a mother caring for her ill son on a school day. I slipped off his shoes, trying to get him more comfortable. I scurried towards the closet to grab my work clothes for the day before getting changed in the bathroom and rummaging through our medicine cabinet, finding some pain killers and then getting him a cold glass of water, leaving the items on our bedside table. I paused to watch over him as he slept, his slow, steady breaths that rose and fell from his chest. I loved him too much to change this lifestyle. I loved every part of him, and if this was part of him, then so be it. I'll help him get better. He loves every part of me, no matter what, right?

Or so I thought.

I slipped on my heels, walking into our messy kitchen, the sink filled with unwashed dishes James was supposed to do. But, he isn't well, so I must do them for him. After washing the dishes, I brewed coffee, poured myself a cup and left some for him and began to make breakfast. James had been off lately, different to how he already was off, but that slowly became part of our normal, so one new change did not stick out too much, but this one did. I don't know what it is. He just felt… lifeless, cold, I guess. I decided to make one of his favorite breakfast meals, a nice, warm and fluffy stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon, cooked just the way he liked it. I spent extra time trying to make it the best I had. I knew they would probably be cold by the time he woke up, but hopefully he'd appreciate my effort. I ate some eggs before scrambling for a notepad, getting a pen to write him a sweet good morning note, explaining I was at work, when I'd be home, how much I loved him, and where the other meds were if he needed them. I wrote these notes almost daily, but this one I made longer and more love filled. I figured he would want my love.

Or so I thought.

I came home around six pm, the evening traffic being worse than usual. Instead of seeing James' car out of the driveway and the house dark, he was still home. The soft sound of the TV buzzing was easy to hear as I unlocked the door, walking in to see him on the couch, leaning against the couch arm and holding his head up with his hand. He was too engrossed in whatever he was watching to nice me walk in, so I tried to have him notice my presence.

“Im back, Jamie,” I said softly to not startle him, my voice filled with love as I moved to sit next to him, he looked over at me, like a confused puppy. “How are you feeling?” I asked, gently stroking his back, though he moved from my touch.

“Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm fine. Busy right now, yeah?” He mumbled as a response as he resumed watching TV once more, brushing me off with his simple, cold words. I knew I had to respect his space and not probe at him, so I just nodded with a sigh and got up, slipping off my shoes and setting my bags down,

“Are you hungry?” I asked, digging through the fridge to get things to make dinner. He didn't answer. “James, are you hungry? I can make dinner,” I offered again, noticing the cleared plate that I had made him for breakfast, the note missing. I assumed he threw it away, just like the others. I never saw them in the trash cans, but after everything piles up, you can just assume. I heard James sigh from the couch, “Uh, yeah, sure, whatever. Breakfast was cold, so I threw most of it away anyways,” He admitted, and I felt a small ache in my heart. I thought he liked the dish since there was none left on his plate, but clearly he proved me different. Why I even put effort in these things, I don't know. THats a lie, I do. I love him, and want him to know it, to feel it. I should’ve been doing this as part of my own insecurities, but to make sure he knows I'm there for him, always.

I thought of what to make for dinner, seeing if he had eaten anything since breakfast, only finding empty beer bottles and a half eaten bag of chips. It was probably only the alcohol making him act like this. I decided to make steak with potatoes, something he normally liked and said I made pretty well. It was easy to make, and I know it was one of his favorites I made him, but normally I would wait for a bigger step in life, like celebrating something about the band, or something in my career, but I knew he deserved it still.

I finished after 45 minutes, preparing the plate to be gorgeous, something I wish I could hear from his lips for once. But, he loved me. I know he thinks I'm gorgeous, he wouldn't have to tell me. Right?

“Jamie, the food's ready, I made steak,” I said warmly with a smile, setting a dinner table for us. I didn't get a response, just a grunt as he stood from the couch and walked his near empty bottle of beer, finishing it off and grabbing another from the fridge. I sat at the table, waiting for him to come and join me. His eyes landed on the plate, pulling out the chair to sit down. I couldn't read his emotions, he didn't look too happy, but he didn't look mad. He just looked.. plain. James grabbed his fork and began to eat, the metal scraping against the porcelain plate, waiting for his nod of approval. It never came. He didn't talk, but not in a way like he was mad. He just didn't speak. But he didn't need to, he didn't need to say the things I knew already. I took a breath and began to eat, and it might've been one of the best I had cooked in awhile. Perfect tenderness, juiciness, seasoning, and cooked perfectly, something you could get at a restaurant, now in our home. 

“What do you think, baby? I think it's pretty good, no?” I inquired, seeking the validation I craved from him. He just shrugged.

“It's fine, I guess. It could've been better.”

It shouldn't have hurt. It really shouldn't. He just didn't like the dinner I cooked. The dinner I poured my time into. The dinner I made was special. Special for him. But, what did I know? I doubt he meant it. That's why it definitely shouldn't have hurt. He was drinking. ITs just the alcohol making him act like this. He would never say something like that to me. Why did tears prick at my eyes. Why did it actually hurt?

“Oh, uhm…. I'm sorry, I'll do better next time, do you want me to make you something else..?” I choked out, fighting back my tears.

“No, don't waste your time making something mediocre, yeah?” James insisted, insulting me bitterly once again.

I took a shaky breath, another sting to my heart. Hes. Drunk. This can't be what he means, right?

Or so I thought.

“Alright, uh, do you wanna cuddle on the couch..? We can watch anything you want? Or not watch anything, just sit together.” I offered again, pleading to get love from my partner.

“I was probably gonna go to bed. You mind cleaning up?” He pushed me away again, and every word stung. I want him to see me, to notice me, just to love me. But I reminded myself again and again, he's drunk, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it. I'm just being sensitive and pathetic. Maybe it's just my hormones.

I nodded, forcing a smile, “Sure, yeah, go ahead and  go to bed, I'll clean up and join you in a bit, ok?” I informed him and he just nodded and got up, walking to the bedroom, still carrying his battle with him. My eyes stung, and once he was out of sight, I felt tears streak my face, but I continued to fight them away. I quickly got up to clear James’ and my own plate, then  cleaning the kitchen, washing everything with great care to keep it tidy.

I came into the bedroom, James half asleep under the sheets. His hair was astray as he slept near the edge, his limbs tight together. The now empty beer bottle sat on the nightstand, another reminder of James’ habits. I glanced around before getting changed into my sleep clothes, a nice little night dress James had gotten me for Valentines Day earlier that year. It was nice and pink with some fluffy pieces at the bottom and lace dancing across it. It flowed nicely and hugged my body in the right places, going down to a bit above my knees. It had some other pieces, like stockings and a garter. In reality, it was more so lingerie than a bed set. But, it was one of James’ favorites for me to wear. Maybe this would make him open up more, or just show me the love I'm craving. I crawled in beside him, though I doubt he noticed the weight accompanying him, trying to cuddle closer, pressing myself against his back.

“Jamie?” I asked softly, kissing the back of his head.

“Hm.” James answered in a sleepy tone, barely aware of my presence.

“You doing ok? You've been acting differently…” I kept a quiet tone, my hands gently running down his arms and back as I pondered on what may be hurting him so much.

He took a deep and large breath, sighing, “Yeah, I'm fine… why do you ask..?” James mumbled in response.

“Nothing, you just seem off, I guess,” I rushed out. I didn't want to upset him, but he just seemed so soft and sweet, something I hadn't seen from him awhile.

“Oh, well, alright then… love you..” He mumbled out, slowly succumbing to sleep after saying the words I knew were true.

Or so I thought.

The office today was exhausting. Absurdly exhausting. And infuriating. A stuck up and snotty boss whos full of himself ordering me around to do his mundane dirty work, my co workers giving me side glances of judgment for my more rushed than normal appearance, not having as much time this morning as I had to help James with yet another hangover, getting him to the bathroom in time before he painted our bed green in vomit, making him some foods to keep him comfortable and having to buy more pain killers, my 3rd trip this month, all before heading to work. All I wanted was to come home, sleep, relax, and be held by the love of my life. 

As simple as an office job 9-5 may seem, how it is not. No one else wants to do their own work, always needing some kind of assistance, and of course, I none the wiser, agree to help them.

It was another late evening with heavy traffic, not allowing me to come home until seven, again. I had stopped at the market, grabbing food and other supplies we were running low on. And more beer. 

The door to the house was locked, something that had been happening more and more as I came home, only growing worries on James' worsening habits, the idea of drugs coming to mind, but I tried to shake it from my head, just wanting a nice time at home. 

I unlocked the door, the house quiet except for the soft strum of a guitar in James’ mini studio, which was just an extra bedroom we had turned into a spot for him to store his instruments and for his practeing. We hoped one day for it to become a nursery, a room for our future child.

I followed the music, the half open door allowing me to peek at James, hunched over one of his explorers, fiddling with the strings as he danced around the fretboard with his talented fingers. I smiled at the sweet sight, slowly entering the room.

“Whatcha working on?” I asked, announcing my arrival home. James looked up at me, at first a smile on his face, but he quickly dropped it. His actions only confused me further.

“Uhm, not much, just… a couple riffs and stuff for the new album..” He answered, still picking at the strings with something unreadable in his eyes.

I nodded, smiling at him, “It sounds good, I'm excited to hear it,” I responded before speaking again, “Work was so exhausting today, I don't know how I put up with it anymore,” I said with a laughy sigh, trying to lighten the statement.

James just shrugged. “I mean, I don't really see how a nine to five can really be that tiring,” He disputed, but his tone sounded unsure, shaky like how it did when we first met. But there was a force, an anger of some kind.

I was even more lost with his shift in attitude, “Well, what do you mean? You don't work one, you wouldn't know,” I argued back with more aggression than I meant.

“Yeah, I don't work one. Your job is light and relaxing feather work compared to the shit I do. You are out doing twelve hours a day for months on end at a studio, being out for a year just to tour and shit, you don't make anything working that job, I'm the one paying the bills with my money.” James spat, cold and bitter. His words rung in my ears, repeating each syllable like a painful stab. My brain scrambled for reasons to understand his reaction and response to my complaint of work.

James' piercing blue eyes still starred up and me, my mouth agape in shock. Why would he act like this? He loved me. He just told me he did the other week before we went to bed. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. What is wrong in his life that I don't know about, that he wont tell me about.

My eyes scanned the room, searching for anything that might explain this behavior of his. Truly, anything that would help explain such a swift and sudden change in his mood, but deep down ZI knew, I was just looking for bottles, cans, cups, glasses, anything that would contain the fizzy and bitter liquid he loved. The only thing I could find was a half empty bottle, freshly opened next to the chair he sat in. That's it, that's why he's acting like this. He's just drunk. He doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it.

Or so I thought.

Even with my new found reasoning, his words still hurt a great amount, the pain struggling to leave. A simple insult, just telling me how I don't work as hard as him, that my job isn't as crucial as his. I took a breath, trying to control and reign in my emotions before I could meltdown in front of him for such a stupid reason. Drunken words, not filled or backed by any true thoughts. Right?

But they do say drunk words are sober thoughts.

“I- well,” I tried to speak, but I couldn't come up with the words. What would I say? I didn't want to make him any more upset than he seemed to be, but I didn't want to submit to him so easily, especially after such disrespect. But I knew better. I don't lash out, I keep him happy. We will work this out together, we have to.

“I'm just gonna go to bed,” I muttered under my breath, fighting back tears that needed to spill out, James rude comments only adding fuel to the fire that had been burning in me all day. Not a fire of anger, passion or desire, but a fire of hurt. Once I shut the bedroom door behind me silently, I broke. The bottle shattered, and my tears overflowed my face, covering my mouth as I cried, trying to calm myself down as I got ready for bed at such an early hour, even forgetting to make James something for dinner.

It was my day off, a relaxing Saturday I could use to have some me time, as James was gonna be out with the band all day as the brainstormed for the new album, which was still taking its baby steps into production, nowhere near any concept for songs yet. At Least that I knew of. 

James had been really tense this week, and I had tried everything to get him to relax and cheer up. Taking him out to his favorite restaurants after I came home, making him home cooked meals, getting him gifts and all things. Though there was one thing I hadn't tried. Sex.

I spent all day dolling myself up, wanting to be as bare and beautiful as possible for James. I shaved everywhere, leaving not a single trace of hair anywhere except for my head,, of course. I scrubbed every nook and cranny of my body, putting on James’ favorite set we bought together, doing my makeup just the way he liked it, lighting the candles he got for my birthday, and dousing myself in his favorite perfume I owned. All the lights were out, except for the lowlights of the candles in the bedroom. I laid on the mattress, waiting for James to come home, hoping this would finally get him to unwind from his stress.

I heard James’ keys jingle in the door, and I could feel myself getting more and more excited for his arrival. This would be one of the few times I would have him sober, as when they worked on material they rarely drank or did anything crazy, thankfully. His shoes thudded on the wooden floors, a sigh escaping his lips as I heard him slowly walk towards the bedroom.

“Are you home?” He called out to me before approaching the bedroom door, taking in the sight of me and the room I had spent the evening preparing for this moment.

“Hey baby,” I mused with a smirk, looking up at him with loving eyes. His eyes met mine, looking warm for the first time in awhile.

“What's all this for?” He asked,  still taking in the well decorated bedroom and my sexy form.

“Wanted to help you relax… you've been so stressed,” I replied, grabbing his hand to try and bring him closer, to get into the bed with me.

It didn't take much more conniving, and James had given in pretty quickly to my offer. He was being more loud than normal, probably because we hadn't had the chance to be intimate like this in awhile. I loved this so much. Well, I loved being close to James again. He wasn't hitting the right spots or focussing on pleasuring me much, but that's fine, he's the one who needed to relax anyways, and I have enough time on my hands if I wanted to please myself, I guess. It didn't take long for him to come, pulling out and painting himself on my abdomen and my breath labored, coming down from…. Well, not an orgasm, but being close to one. James was beat after that, and I don't blame him for that. He had been so busy recently, I was happy we just got to share a moment like this together again. 

I laid close to him under the sheets as we both recovered, James already half asleep. I had his hand in mine, kissing each knuckle of his and more, pouting all of my love into that moment. I looked up, having felt James’ eyes on me for a while. I met his blues, and there was a slight guilt in them, a gestation and regret. But, it didn't last long as he blinked it all away, taking another breath. 

“How are you feeling now? Did it make it any better?” I asked, my voice heavy with sleep as I lazily continued to press kisses to his hand.

“I mean, yeah, I guess… It wasn't like, amazing though… I've had better, normally the groupies can do a bit more than that, y’know?” James said cooly, acting as if the words he just said didn't mean anything and had no weight to them.

“What?” Was all I could muster out, the tears already filling my eyes as I tried to process all of this.

“You heard me, the groupies normally do better.” 

The words came so normally from his mouth, as if he was just telling me the date and time. But no, he was comparing me to prostitutes, previous women he has slept with. I began to cry, not just out of hurt and sadness, but this time anger. How could he say something like that to me?

And then the worst part hit.

He was sober.

Something I would've wanted more than anything else just a few days ago is now what is causing this experience to be even worse than it is with the horrible comparison and insults James had spewn at me. He meant it. Alcohol was toying with his brain, making him into the aggravated man I had grown to know quite well over the years.

“Are… are you serious? After everything? I put myself through hell to deal with this, to go to work, to do EVERYTHING for you! I have tried so hard James. And Yet you still compare me to them?! Sluts with prices on their heads?!” I cried, anger and hurt filling the fire in my eyes, and I could swear I saw Jamw\es’ cold attitude falter for just a moment. Maybe it was what I was hoping for, that it was all an act, that he truly did love me deep down, but maybe he didn't. Maybe this is the truth I had been hiding from all these months.

James didn't res;ond, just sighing with a shrug.

That's what pushed me over the edge.

“Are you fucki ng serious? You're not even gonna try and fight for this? Get out of here! We're done. Since you don't appreciate anything I do for you nowadays, I don't want you in here anymore. Pack your shit and leave.” I cursed at him as I continued to sob, processing the moments that passed, feeling as if the earth was slowing, each second hitting me hard and heavy.

I could see a slight guilt in James’ eyes, and as much I wanted to believe it was true, I couldn't give it in myself to do that anymore. I couldn't keep living this lie. He nodded, staying silent as I cried, slipping on his clothes and grabbing some things he'd need for the night.

“I loved you because you loved me, or so I thought you loved me, truly you don't give a shit!” I called out again, hearing James breath hitch at my harsh words, but he just left. No goodbye, the final words spoken to us only filled with hate and hurt, though millions went unspoken.

— —- — —> A FEW MONTHS LATER…

Not a lot has happened since I broke up with James, but a lot has changed. Maybe for the better. I miss him terribly, but a lot of weight is off of my shoulders now. I'm no longer worrying about having to make elaborate meals for him, or to do everything in my power to make him happy as [possible, watching my words at all times to make sure I wont say anything that might upset him. It was a large change. The house is still cold like how it was with him, but its a different kind of cold. There is no warmth of another body. Its quiet, no more TV static and laughter or guitar. Work had only gotten more tiring, but I had recently gotten promoted, something I had wanted for a long, long time.

I haven't spoken to James since we broke up. I know he had come by the next day, as when he left that night he only took clothes to last him the night, and when I came home from work, all of his belongings were gone, and his spare key was left on the counter, all of his music gear out of the house, leaving me a now empty room, not to house his guitars, and no longer holding the hopes and dreams of a future child.

Or so I thought all of his stuff was gone.

I came home after work, the house dark and silent, turning on the lights before going into the former music room, which had now become my office for the time being, as I needed one for the promotion, to be able to have a comfortable spot where I could do other work tasks from home. I set down my purse, sitting in my computer chair and sliding off my heels. I saw something in the corner of my eye, something that somehow had never caught my eye all these months. 

An ashtray, repurposed to hold James’ many guitar picks. It was behind a lamp that was in the corner of the room on an end table. There was more than just guitar pics, but one of his rings. Like the ones he always wore on stage, the cool reflective metal that shone brightly under the spotlight. I paused, only having gotten one heel off, so confused as to how I never noticed. I sat in this same chair, facing the same direction, taking my heels off the same each day. I quickly got the other off before walking towards the table, picking up the ashtray, having remnants of cigarette butts and ash, some of which covered the pics. There had to be at least 20 of those pics, I don't know how James could forget such a thing, along with one of his more favorite rings. He wore it when we met, but I never made the connection as to that being the reason he left it. I missed him, yes, but having these almost made it worse. Like the world was teasing me that he is gone, that I won't be able to be held by him again, because he doesnt love me anymore. How I still love him, I don't know. Part of me still wants to believe he never meant any of it, but the chances of that being true is slim now. But, I didn't have the heart to call him, to return them to him. He would have come to get them by now, right? 

I picked up the cold metal, holding it in my hand before slipping it on my ring finger. It was too large, slipping off quite easily. I tried the next, my middle finger, and it fit well enough to not fall off. It felt so wrong to wear, but it made me feel closer to him. I hated it, but I loved it. A little piece of him to be with me always. ‘God, I sound like a wife mourning her husband who died in a war.’ Was all I could think to myself, setting back down the ash tray and taking off the ring before sitting back down in my office chair, trying to shake my head of the matter so I could focus on the important task at hand, work.

I spent about two hours on the assignment before finishing it among other things, now exhausted even further. I stumbled towards the bedroom, changing into my pajama pants and a sleep shirt. Since the break up, I have refused to wear or even look at the clothes sJames had bought me. I didn't feel any desire to wear those things now that I knew he would be the one to see me in them. I never really wanted to wear clothes like that, but knowing he liked it made me like it. Now that he's gone, so is that enjoyment. I layed down on the mattress, sinking down as it swallowed me and the day whole. I had gotten used to the loneliness of sleeping alone, even after having a body next to me for the last four years. Maybe it was an easier adjustment as towards the end it was like sleeping next to no one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last few months are hard to describe. I can't explain it, I really can't. I've never been more lonely in my life, drowning all of my sorrows in the bitter bottles that wasted away each night and day. I've tried putting my energy elsewhere, focusing more on the band than I was earlier, trying to pour my emotions into guitar and lyrics, but nothing works. Nothing matches what I once had. What I threw away. What I ruined. Though, all my life, through all my struggles, there was one thing I learned.

Mask your emotions, hide your turmoil. It's something I had quickly gotten good at from a young age.

Or so I thought.

I went out for drinks with Lars to discuss lyrics and other parts of music for the record, as we normally had for our other productions and everything. We had another few weeks before we went into the studio, where we planned to record for many months, wanting this release to be the best we ever had. 

Before I had even gone out to the bar with Lars, I had already had a few bars at home, or what I had tried to make into my home. It was a home, yeah, but it didn't feel homey. There was no warmth or touch to it to make it seem whimsical or joyful. I know I have a problem, but what is there I can do. 

When I got there, Lars’s car was already outside, and I knew I was late by thirty minutes, having to build up the motivation to leave the house for a reason other than food, so trying to get up and socialize and talk about important stuff was not on my top choices to do.

I trudged in, my eyes darting around for the Danish, who was never that hard to find. And as I expected, I found him somewhat quickly, taking a seat next to him and ordering a drink for myself.

“Hey man, where the fock have you been? Been waiting here ages for ya,” Lars commented with his laugh, sipping on his own drink.

I just shrugged, “Sorry man, there was just…” I tried to think of a reasonable excuse, but none could come to mind. “Traffic, y’know, it gets bad around five or six, all those people getting off of work,” I explained, thinking I was an expert at this facade.

“Alright, whatever you say. Let's get to work now, yeah?” Lars tried to believe me, but it was clear he knew there was something more to what I said. 

I just nodded, “Yeah,” I answered, and Lars took out his notepad where he already had some ideas for songs. The mask was as strong as stone, no way to see in.

Or so I thought.

 Lars looked back to me, a thought popping back in his mind, “Traffic? There's normally not much in this area, I mean before you moved out of that place, shit, traffic was bad, but here? No way,” Lars questioned me, no longer believing a word I had said. 

“Well, I guess it was just different today…” I muttered, “Let's just start now, leave it be,”. Lars agreed reluctantly, and soon we were sharing ideas sas I jotted down lyrics, Lars taking turns as we debated on the new project.

Of course, as we worked, we were drinking. Me more than him, and it was getting me tipsy, and then drunk. Normally we wouldn't get drunk during lyric writing, just a bit.. Wobbly, I guess. We were just reviewing the lyrics for the third song we were jotting up and I had ordered another drink.

“Jesus man, you only focused on drinking? We got shit to do!” Lars complained to me, and I just shrugged. “Sorry, got my priorities here…” I joked, and Lars only gave a pity laugh.

“Is something up? You've been acting weird as hell for the last few months. We barely see you anymore, and when we do, you're late.” He informed me firmly, clearly not wanting to put up with my demeanor much longer.

“I'm fine, didn't I already tell you that?” I responded, and at this point I just wanted to go home. “Well, you can tell me it a million fuckin’ times and that doesnyt mean Ill believe you,” He rebuttled, and I sighed. “So, what's up with you?”

I didn't want to answer, well sober me would've deflected. But drunk me? He doesn't have much of a filter. Who does when they're drunk anyways?

“Nothings up with me, just dealing with shit…” I answered, taking another sip of my drink.

“Ok, well dealing with what?” 

“The breakup, and everything,” I answered, my eyes avoiding Lars’s own.

“Ohh, yeah, I see. What happened anyways? You never went into detail, just saying she kicked you out in the middle of the night. The fuck did you do to her?” He laughed, but the sting of the memories still remained.

“I.. well, I told her she was a shit cook, lazy, didnt work as hard me, and that groupies fuck better,” I admitted. Lars' face changed from a small smile to a look of shock.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah”

“What would make you say something like that?! That's totally messed up!” I knew this would be shocking, especially coming from me to say something like that. But I didn't expect him to be this shocked.

“No, I did it for a reason, I'm not just some asshole! I didn't want to break up with her, and I didnt want her to break up with me, but I knew I had to get her to break up with me. I keep drinking, and it makes me into… I don't know, I'm a different person and I don't want to hurt her. The only option was to force her to break up with me.” I tried to explain, but Lars was quick to respond.

“Only option?! Have you heard of rehab? Getting help? Did she just let you waste away?”

“I didn't want to go to rehab either, and no, she did try to help, but I don't want help…” It was getting embarrassing at this point, showing how weak I had become.

“James, not everything is about what you want! There's things you need to do, but you don't want to. Those are just as important.” He paused, hoping my worlds would process through me as he thought of an idea. “How about this, clean up your act a bit and I'll get her back over here and you can go back to paradise, alright?” Lars offered and I perked up a bit.

“How the hell do you expect her to come back to me after all of that?”

“I never said she'd come back to you, I said I can get her over here, make you guys talk or something.” He corrected me, and I just rolled my eyes.

“Well how are you gonna get her to come here? She probably hates me at this point,” 

“I have my ways, we were closer friends than you probably remember,” Lars’ words didn't help. He could never explain his plan, and that's what always ticked me off about him.

“Fine, whatever, work your midget magic or something,” I muttered under my breath.

“What did you just say to me?” 

“Nothing, nothing, just do whatever it is, alright?” 

“Fine.”

— — — — > A WEEK LATER…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time moves slow these days. But not in a bad way, it was nice that life was hitting the breaks a bit instead of the pedal. Though, that joy wouldn't last long.

I sat in my office chair at work, working on some papers my boss had handed me a few minutes ago. He was giving me stack after stack after stack of papers today, all coming with my promotion I got a bit back. More money means more work, and more work means more money, so I guess it isn't all too bad in the long run. I glanced up from my paper, eyeing the now double repurposed ashtray, one being made for the intents of cigarette butts, then guitar pics, and now it held my keys and some other trinkets, including one singular guitar pic of James, one of his favorites. 

I was startled out of my thoughts by hearing the office phone ring, quickly reaching to grab it, assuming it was a customer call.

“Hi, this is Capital Advisors, how can I help you?” I offered in a cheery tone, but the voice I heard response was not what I had expected.

“Hey man, look, it's Lars, something happened to James, you mind heading down to the studio?”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Sure, Lars and I were close, but we haven't talked much since James and I’s break up. My words caught in my throat, processing the second half. “Something happened to James? What happened? Is he ok?” Even though he proved himself worthy of a break up, I still couldn't shake my love and worry for him.

“Uhhhh, yeah, no, sure he's fine, but you just needa come to the studio?” Lars rambled, not sure how to keep up his lie.

“Ok, yeah, of course, when do I need to be there?” My mind was racing, Lars wasn't being direct with what happened, so my mind could only think of the worst. He always poland things off to make them not seem as bad as they were. What if James fell and hurt himself? Overdosed on something? Only darker thoughts hit my mind.

“Like, now, this can't wait,” Lars demanded, and I had no choice but to agree.

“Yeah, I will be there as soon as I can, ok? Tell him I’ll be there soon, I don't want him to worry,” I gave in and then Lars thanked me and hung up. 

Now I don't know what to do. My boss wasn't the type of person to just let me leave whenever I want, and I had already promised to Lars I would be there immediately. Though, my worries got the best of me and I quickly began to gather my stuff together. I grabbed my keys and my purse, quickly heading to my boss's office. 

I always hated going in here, it was freezing since the AC was always blasted, and it reeked of musty air freshener. I gently knocked on the door before I heard his baritone voice respond, telling me to come in. I entered, seeing him sitting there, filing papers. 

“Can I help you?” He said in a monotone voice, opening and shutting cabinets.

“Yes, I need to leave, like right now. ITs an emergency, family matter,” I tried to briefly explain, but it didn't take long for him to come up with a new response.

“Emergency? Of what? Is someone dying?” His eyes looked up from his papers, meeting mine as he waited for an answer.

“I… Well, I don't know,” I muttered, and it was true, I really didn't. With Lars’ vagueness, I tru;y didn't have a reason to not assume James was already on his deathbed.

“How can you not know?” He questioned me as if I was stupid, then noticing my pale and shaky look of true worry, “Fine, yes, you can go, but you're leaving three hours early. I want you working those hours back tomorrow. Understood?” He finally made an offer, and I quickly accepted without hesitation.

“Yes, thank you, and I'm sorry,” I responded with a smile and a nod, quickly leaving the office and getting to my car as fast as possible. Lars never specified where exactly the studio was, but I had been there a few times with James to hear them practice and record. I did my best to remember the way there, speeding in some places and having to make a couple U turns to figure out the exact spot. The whole time my head was buzzing, I could not think of one normal reason as to why James would want me there. He clearly didn’t like me much towards the end, even though I still like to think he never meant it and that it was only the alcohol talking, but I was probably wrong. Why did I still care so much after being so wrongfully disrespected? Part of me still loved him. Still wanted to wake up next to him every morning, hear the faint strumming of a guitar whenever I came home from work. Now those days were gone, and never looked like they would return. I still worried for the worst for James, endless horrid possibilities arising in my brain, all trying to piece the puzzle together.

When I finally pulled up, I saw two other cars out in front, not seeing James’ car, assuming Lars gave him a ride and KIrk giving Jason one. No cop cars or ambulances or fire trucks, so he isn't dying, or maybe they already left. Maybe I was too late? 

I quickly got out of the car, almost running to the studio door, knocking until Lars came and opened it for me.

“Hey! There you are, took ya long eno-” Lars was quickly cut off by my own anxieties.

“Where is he? Is he ok? Was I not fast enough?” I quickly voiced out, my eyes darting around the inside and searching for him.

“Yeah, relax. He's fine. He's inside-”

“If he's fine then why did you make me come here from work?! I thought he was dying or something crazy,” I cut him off, questioning his efforts.

“No, none of that, you worry too much. He just wants to talk with you,” Lars answered, and my previous worries and a new suspicion grew in me.

“Just want to talk? Last time I talked with him he was critiquing me! He hates me! He doesn't want anything to do with me!” I voiced the feelings that had been clawing at me for months, never having anyone to tell them to.

“Or so you think. Look, just talk to him, that's all this is, ok?” Lars grew tired of my attitude and clearly I would have to give in soon.

“I want to, I want to talk to him, but I doubt he wants to talk to me,” I responded, trying to further explain my hesitations.

“I just told you that he wants to talk to you! Go in there, please!” Lars pleaded with me, and I sighed, finally agreeing.

“Ok, ok, I will,” I answered, beginning to head into the studio.

“Thank you! He's just down the hall, in that room with the sound equipment and everything,” Lars informed me, and I followed him, seeing James hunched over a table, scribbling down on a piece of paper. My heart was racing now. I hadn't seen him since that night. I didn't know what I would say to him, I was worried what he would say to me.

Then he looked up at me.

His cold, piercing blue eyes, a newfound softness in them as our eyes met. I avoided his eyes, but felt his lingering on me. Lars guided me in, shutting the door behind himself, leaving us alone. I was unsure of what to say, my eyes lingering on the floor, hearing James set down his pen.

“Uh… hi…” He started, probably just as unsure as I was.

“Hi,” I responded back shyly, avoiding his gaze, though I could still feel his own on me. The sound of footsteps approached me, instantly recognizing them as James’, and then I heard a click. Lars had locked us in here, now forced to talk.

“I.. I'm sorry, I really am,” He mumbled, and I looked up at him, seeing a true guilt in his eyes, “I wish I didn't do it, that I didn't say those things, that I didn't make you hurt so much like that… I should’ve been much more, well, mature about it. I feel like shit for everything,” James explained to me, but this only caused me to have more and more questions.  

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice still a hushed whisper as a wave of various emotions crashed down on me. “I had reasons for what I did, I just wish I went about it differently. I wish I had listened to you when you had offered me help. I didn't want to hurt you with my habits, and I couldn't break up with you, I didn't want to be the one to do that, so… so I tried to make you break up with me, and you did. Everything I said, it was a lie. I never meant it. You're a great cook, you work hard, you're just… you're amazing, you're too good for me.” James confessed, and I could feel a bit of the cold melt away, though still a hurt in my heart.

“Then why make me come and tell me all of this? This would only pour salt in that wound, no?” I was still confused at why he would make such an effort, but I still found it touching.

“Because I still love you. I want things back the way they were. I swear on everything, I've changed. I miss you more than anything-” I cut him off with a sweet kiss to his lips, and he melted into me, wrapping his arms around me in a comforting and loving embrace.

After James pulled away, he looked me in my eyes, “How could you forgive me for saying all of that to you?” He began, “Id think you would just… hate me, I was a total jerk,”

“Or so you'd think. I still love you and miss you more than you could imagine,” I responded with a  small smile, and James matched mine, kissing me again. “Can… can I show you how much I've missed you?” James asked in a mumbled tone, clearly a bit embarrassed. My cheeks heated up at his offer and I giggled, nodding as our lips met a third time, a new hunger and desire now displayed. Slowly, he walked me to the table until I had backed up into it, his hands trailing up my sides until we broke away, his lips now going down my neck, eliciting a needy whine from the back of my throat, my hands pulling him closer, snaking under his shirt to trace his skin. 

James’s fingers slipped under my shirt, working to get it off of my head, leaving my neck for only a second to remove the fabric before attaching himself to my sensitive flesh, feeling him suck and nibble, definitely leaving bruises. He gave a more harsh bite, causing me to whimper, then soothing it over with his tongue before pulling away. Soon his gaze focused on my breasts, still confined with my bra. His eyes met mine again, “Can I take it off?” He asked ,already reaching around my back to work on the clasp, which had become an easy task for him. I nodded, and soon the garment was now on the floor with my shirt. The cold air caused my nipples to erect immediately, and James’ eyes were locked on them, cupping the in his hands as he squeezed them and pinched at my nipples, making me make high needy sounds, causing him to smirk, kissing around the soft flesh, teasing me with every movement he made. 

I began to claw at his shirt, trying to take it off of him, so he reluctantly pulled away from my chest, removing his own shirt, giving me a view I had missed more than I care to admit. My eyes dragged slowly over the newly exposed skin, and his lips crashed down on mine again, pushing me back so far I was now laying down on the table, the cold wood causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. I tugged at James’ pants, feeling myself grow wetter at the moment. He slipped down his pants, leaving him in only his boxers as you pulled down my skirt, leaving me in only my panties. I could see the bulge in his final layer grow at the new sight, and then he got on his knees, gripping the sides of my aunties and taking them off in a swift motion, leaving my glistening folds exposed to his hungry view.. His warm lips teased my thighs, kissing around the area I needed him most, making me writhe with desire. Eventually, his tongue found my center, giving it soft licks at first, parting my folds with his tongue. A moan escaped my throat, and James took it as his sign to keep going, burying his face between my thighs. He licked and sucked at my hole, probing at it with his tongue as his nose nudged my sensitive clit. My hand snaked into his long blonde locks, gripping his scalp tightly as I pulled him closer. I could hear him groan into my flesh, causing a vibration to coarse through me, making me moan again as I came closer to my first high. Eventually James moved further up, giving more attention to my aching clit, giving it gentle licks first to tease me before sucking it into his mouth, biting it softly, making me squeal from his ministrations.

“Jamei, fuck, Im gonna cum,” I whined out, tugging on hair harder, causing him to let out another low groan as he continued to feast on me. “Cum for me pretty girl,” He mumbled into my flesh, and like that my orgasm washed over me, a breathy moan falling my lips, feeling my core pulsate , releasing my grip on James’ head, allowing him to pull back.

James chin was drenched in my essence and his spit, some caught in his facial hair, wiping it off on the back of his hand. I dont think Ive seen anything hotter. His eyes landed on mine, and I noticed a lustful darkness in them, kissing me again as our tongues tangled in a battle for dominance, James winning in the end, and soon his boxers were on the ground, both of us bare in front of each other again.

JAmes broke the kiss, trailing his lips down my neck, leaving new hickeys and bruises in his wake as they now peppered my neck. I felt his tip at my entrance and I squirmed, his lips leaving my bruised flesh. “You ready, baby?” He asked, taking my hand in his, and I nodded, feeling him slowly push into me, the stretching sensation stinging my insides, a delicious stretch my body had missed as I tried to accommodate his size. Once he was to the hilt, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, squeezing his hand tightly.

I gave him a look of a need, and he gook note, slowly beginning to pump his hips, untwining our fingers as he positioned himself with better support, placing his arms on either side of my head. With every thrust a moan escaped my throat, tears pricking at my eyes from the pleasure. “Fuck, you’re so tight… haven't had anything since me, hmmm?” James whispered to me, and I could only whine in response, his calloused fingers sneaking down to my clit, brushing the bud lightly with the pad of thumb, and I began to squirm around his cock, feeling his thrusts increase with speed, more grunts falling from James.

The table I laid on creaked beneath from our frevorus movements of need, completely forgetting we were still in the studio. The band was still in that studio. This room wasn't for recording, very little sound blockers. Anyone in this building could hear us. The thought didn't pass my mind once throughout the whole experience, only focused and becoming closer with James once again, not just in body, but in our connection reforming with every minstration from either of us.

James' thrusts grew relentless, only increasing the pleasure for both of us as he chased his own high, helping me with mine, continuing to toy with and stroke my clit, moans and whines leaving me with any movement he made. “So pretty like this, baby, taking me so well,” He groaned, his small grunts and moans filling my ears like sweet music. I began to buck my hips, knowing that my orgasm was approaching, James not far behind, his vocal expression of pleasure growing in number and volume, mixing with my own mewls and moans, that and the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room, my nails clawing his back.

My eyes began to roll back, James’ name falling from my lips a thousand times as my legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull him deeper to finally bring me to edge. James noticed and thrusted harder, hitting that special spot with every movement, making me have to cover my mouth with my hand, the unholy noises escaping me growing too loud for us to stay secret. James disapproved, “Mmmm, don't do that baby, let me hear you cum around my cock,” He cooed, and that was all the encouragement I needed to come over the edge, a high pitched moan coming from me, feeling my walls clamp down on James’ length, pulsating as waves of pleasure cascaded over me. James helped me ride through it, still rubbing my sensitive nub, his thrusts losing rhythm as he approached his own high.

“Fuck, sweetie, gonna cum inside you…” He grunted, his pace increasing as his movement became erratic with pleasure. “Take it, take it like a good girl, baby,” He moaned, his load shooting deep inside of me and painting my walls white with his seed. His hips sputtered, bucking into me as he collapsed on top of me, our sweaty foreheads clinging together as we both recovered from the intense orgasms, trying to catch our breath. James pressed soft, lazy kisses around my face, reminding me how much he loved me and how he'd never hurt me again if given the chance.

After a moment, we both had come down from our highs, James’ softening member sliding out of me with a pop. He looked down at the mess between my thighs, all evidence of our pleasure with each other. “Youre fuckin’ perfect,” He muttered, his eyes dragging over me.

“Are the groupies still better?” I teased him, remembering our bickering that was one real, or so I thought it was real fighting.

“Oh, hell no, they don't stand a chance to this,” He responded with a smile, and I smiled back.

We cleaned up, slipping back on our clothes so we were somewhat presentable. Only now did the realization that we were never once alone in this studio and the rest of the band was outside had hit me. A wave of embarrassment flowed over me, my cheeks flushing even more than they were before given the previous activities. Both James and I looked quite disheveled, our hair a mess and clothes wrinkled. I tried to shake off whatever nervousness I had in me as James put his arm around me. We went to reach for the door handle, only to find out it was still locked. Now it would be even more awkward. James knocked on the door from the inside, calling out to Lars, or anyone else in the studio.

“Guys? Lars? Can someone unlock the door?” And it wasn't long before footsteps approached, hearing a key click as the door swung open, Lars, more curious than ever eyed both my own and James’ appearance, noticing the hickeys, the slight wobble I gave, and any other imperfections that we might have displayed.

“I take it you two worked things out?”

— — — — > A FEW WEEKS LATER…

It had taken some time, a lot of talking, and more than just one hook up for James and I to work out any other issues that we had with each other. We met up a lot in the recent weeks after that, discussing different ways on how to help James with his drinking, and just trying to regain eachothers trust.

Soon enough though, James had moved back in with me. I kept my office space, but now the room was split in two halves. I worked in one half, while James did his guitar work in the other half. It was a fairly large room, so we both had our own spaces and rarely bothered each other. If I had a work call or anything that required silence, James would just migrate to the living room.

It was the same old schedule we had all those months ago, and I was now returning from work. It was Friday, now I would have plenty of time to relax and be with James. I pulled into the driveway, parking and getting out of my car as I walked up to the porch, the click of my heels following my steps on the cement. The lights were on, the door unlocked. I could hear a faint strumming coming from inside, meaning James was hard at work on new material for the album. It was my favorite thing to listen to while doing work assignments at home.

I walked in with a huff, setting down my purse and keys on the counter before heading to the shared office space. James wasn't playing much, just sounded like scales and chords for his warm ups. “How was work, baby?” James greeted me, still focused on his guitar. “It was a bit tiring, but it was good. I think my boss is starting to like me,” I answered, settling into my chair. He nodded in response, going back to fiddling with the strings.

It wasn't until a little later a soft, sweet and melodic tune had hit my ears. Much different than what Metallica normally plates. James hummed along to it, almost like he had lyrics already written out. But knowing him, he probably did.

“What are you playing? It sounds really nice,” I started, listening to a few more notes before continuing, “It's not what you guys normally play,” I commented, and James let out a deep hum in response. “Just something new I'm working on,” He replied, and I nodded, getting back to work.

Only this time, I couldn't focus. Normally James’s music helped me to focus, becoming a comforting background noise. This time though, I couldn't get my mind off of that melody. He kept going, and each second I kept getting more and more captivated by it. 

“That songs really pretty, I like it,” I said, scribbling down whatever notes I couldnt on a piece of paper. “Thanks, it's actually, uhm..” He trailed off, and I knew something was up. I spun around in my chair, going to face him. “It's what?” I asked, confused by his shy demeanor. 

“It's called ‘Nothing Else Matters’,” He stated, finally stopping picking at the strings. “Nothing Else Matters?” I repeated, connecting whatever the lyrics might be in my head to the melody. Normally their slower, melodic songs were dark and heavy topics, so I expected the same with this one.

“Yeah,” James answered, “I wrote the lyrics about you, actually,” He muttered softly, though I still picked it up. “About me?” I questioned, slightly shocked. “Yeah… I've thought a lot about, well, everything recently. Ever since that point a few months back I've reflected and everything… Rumors spread, and I just want everyone out there to get the right idea,” He paused, searching for the right words, “I want people out there to know that you're all I care about, you mean more than the world to me, and I want everyone to know that,” He stated, his tone true and emotional. I had never heard him say sweeter words to me, and I knew that he was speaking nothing other than the truth, I could see it in his eyes, there's a way to read people, and James wasn't easy to read, but you soon could learn the lingo.

“That means a lot to me, Jamie,” I answered, smiling at him. I got up from my chair to sit next to him on the couch, leaning against him. “Thank you,” I said, kissing him on the cheek. “You don't need to thank me, sweetheart,” James responded, wrapping his arm around me.

And now, I knew my whole world was whole again. What was once hatred, or so I thought was hatred, was once again love, everything as it should be.

[leighsartworks216]

can i request a tav x astarion where tav is mute? i wonder how they would be communicating

Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

I really struggled with this request, but I decided to try again on a whim and whoooo boy it's a doozy. I also did not make Tav mute, but I played with a Paladin oath I have had on my mind for a looong time so they are effectively mute

Warnings: fear of death, blood, mentions of death/dead bodies, religion, anxiety, fear, being trapped, crying, swearing, angst, hurt/little comfort, possibly OOC

Word Count: 3,624

Main Masterlist

First Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist - Second Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist

AO3

Tag List Form

You huff in annoyance for the fifth- no, sixth, time. Perhaps more. The vendor stares at you as though you’re insane, even though you couldn’t possibly be clearer! You exaggerate further, pointing at the potion, yourself, and your coin purse. If he would just mark how much the damn thing cost, you wouldn’t have to keep going through this!

Astarion sighs sharply. “They want to buy the potion,” he bemoans. “Now, please, tell them the price so we can move on.”

The vendor starts with wide eyes and realization on his face. He flushes from his cheeks, down his neck, and to the tips of his ears as he stutters out the price. You shove the money into his chest and grab what you’ve paid for, before stomping off. And if Astarion slipped an extra something in his pocket while the vendor was dying of his stupidity, who would really care?

He caught up in a few long strides. “We must find a better way for you to communicate, darling. I can’t keep translating for you.”

You made a few sharp gestures.

“I don’t see the big deal in carrying a paper and pencil around,” he answered with a scoff. “Or, you know, you could just speak. I know you can.”

You glared at him. That, he didn’t need a translator for.

This had been an ongoing argument from the very moment you ran into each other on the beach. When he had you pinned to the ground and you didn’t speak, he originally thought you were just being stubborn. When he finally let you go, you’d explained to him (in writing) that you’d made an oath of silence, and that you had nothing to do with the Illithid kidnappings.

Fortunately, you discovered early on that some hand signs were shared with the Theive’s Cant, which he understood quite well. When Gale and Wyll came along, one who’d learned some sign through books and the other who learned by helping people as the Blade of Frontiers, Astarion was relieved he wouldn’t have to translate for you. Except, you continued to drag him along to act as the middle man anyway.

His solution, proposed frequently both seriously and in jest, was to break your oath. An oath of silence was a ridiculous thing to promise anyway, especially now that you needed to communicate so frequently, but any time the suggestion was posed, you’d just level him with a hard stare.

“You know I can’t do that,” you signed, annoyed.

He rolled his eyes. “Ugh, Paladins. So dedicated to the chains that bind them.”

“To break my oath would be to lose my powers. Do you want me to keep reviving your ass during battle or not?”

He sneered. “You couldn’t make an oath of vengeance or something? It would certainly be a lot easier to follow through on.”

You rolled your eyes and walked faster. You hated arguing about your oath. Wyll and Gale wouldn’t behoove you for it - so why did you bring him along, he wonders.

-

Astarion heaved, pressing against a stitch in his side that tightened with each breath. The fight was brutal. Everyone was bloody and exhausted. Shadowheart turned from the dead beast before them to help Wyll who lay prone on the ground. Karlach pulled her mighty axe from its head with a squelch and a crunch, cheering at the victory.

He chuckled breathlessly at her antics. Almost stumbling, he turned in a circle, eyes scanning the battlefield. The beast’s cronies lay still, scattered everywhere. Blood overwhelmed his senses. How did that saying go? Water, water, everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

He frowned. He looked around again. “Where’s Tav?”

Karlach’s whoops quieted immediately. She looked around as well. “They didn’t get crushed under this,” she kicked the creature in the eye, “did they?”

He shook his head. “They weren’t close enough…” He growled, frustrated, and turned to the magic-users. “Did you see where Tav went?”

Shadowheart supported Wyll as he sat up, groaning. They both shook their heads. “Last I saw them, they were over there,” the warlock croaked, nodding over to the side. “But I don’t know how long I’ve been down for.”

Astarion winced as he jogged over to where he said, stepping over and on top of dead bodies. He took another step. His foot did not collide with floor nor flesh. His heart lurched as the world fell out from under him. A hand grabbed the neck his armor and pulled him back, falling on his ass onto solid ground.

“Careful, Fangs!” Karlach chastised worriedly. She let him go, pulling them both to their feet and brushing him off. “You alright?”

His mind was still reeling. He nodded in a daze. All he could do was stare at the nearly-invisible chasm he’d almost fallen down into… And then his mind caught up.

He raced forward again, dopping to his knees right before the tear in the earth, and leaned over it. Even his darkvision couldn’t help him see what was below; it was so dark, like all light that fell into it was swallowed up. A heavy weight settled in his chest.

“Tav?!” he shouted down into the darkness. His voice echoed. He had no idea how deep it went.

The realization set in for Karlach as well. “Oh fuck…”

“Tav, are you down there?!” He waited a moment, but he was met with only silence.

Shadowheart and Wyll rushed over. They peered into the deep with concern. Astarion shifted so he sat on the ground, legs dangling over the edge. He remembered the feeling of falling. Fortunately, he couldn’t see how deep it was, so at least vertigo did not make it seem deeper; the shadow was doing a perfect job of that on its own.

Wyll grabbed his shoulder before he could slide forward. “Astarion, we have no idea how deep it goes, or what’s down there! You could be impaled on a spike before you ever make it to the bottom. We don’t know if they’re even alive!”

“And if they are?” he growled. “They could be trapped down there with no way of telling us.”

“And you’ll be trapped down there if you go after them!”

He couldn’t argue with anything logical. So what if he got stuck down there? He needed to know you were okay. His blunt nails dig into the stone edge, knocking loose flecks of rock and sediment. How could he just leave you down there?

Shadowheart looked around at the bodies. “We could make some rope. Lower it down, see if they grab on.”

He snorted mirthlessly, sneering at the cleric. “And if they’re too injured to?”

She glared back at him. “I don’t see you proposing any better ideas.”

Karlach and Wyll shared a look. It seems they’d have to be the level-headed ones here… “We can strip the bodies. Tie their clothes together until it’s long enough.” To hopefully reach the bottom, was left unsaid.

Karlach and Shadowheart got to work immediately, working to remove the clothes of their fallen enemies, scrunching their noses in disgust all the while. Wyll squeezed Astarion’s shoulder and joined them, trying to decide what clothes were in good enough condition to hold weight. Astarion stared into the pit for a while longer.

-

Your head spun. Everything ached. Each breath was like fire in your lungs. You bit your lip to silence your whimpers, biting down so hard you could taste iron in your mouth.

As the pain ebbs to a manageable level, you try to figure out where you were. It was dark. You couldn’t make out your hand right in front of your face. You couldn’t even be sure your eyes were open. You only knew they were when you looked up and saw light coming from far above you. It was dim and flickering - the flames of the braziers that lined the battlefield.

You blinked into the darkness, willing your eyes to adjust. Cautiously, you reached out your hands and felt around. The ground beneath you was covered in fine gravel, almost like sand. The finer sediment stuck to your hands when you pulled away. There was a wall behind you, possibly made from slate. It would be impossible to climb. With a muffled groan, you’re able to reach your foot out and touch the opposite wall. The effort leaves you panting.

You lay still on the floor for a minute. Clearly, you fell from quite high up. How far was still a mystery, but the fact was you did fall. When you’ve caught your breath, you feel for any injuries. Your armor restricts you, but it seems to have protected you for the most part. You’ll be bruised as hell, but you can’t find any open wounds. At least you were fortunate there.

You look up again. You can’t hear anything coming from above, but you’re unsure if it’s from the depth of the chasm or because the battle is over. You hope they are able to win the fight without you. All your companions are strong in their own right, you know they can pull through this.

You squint at the opening above. You think you see something moving at the top, but it’s merely a speck. Using the wall and gathering your waning strength, you push yourself to your feet. You heave as you lean against the slate. The silhouette is still too far away to make out.

T..av….

A distant cry, distorted heavily by the chasm. It takes a moment for you to recognize it as your name. Your heart leaps in your chest.

… av….. Ar… d..wn… the..re…

You can’t tell who’s calling down to you, but you take faith in the knowledge it must be one of your companions. The beasts wouldn’t know your name. Now you just have to signal them somehow…

You feel around your body for your sword, but the sheath is empty. It must have fallen elsewhere, perhaps only feet away, but you can’t see worth a damn. You try instead to cast a ball of light. It should be easy - it’s a spell you’ve cast a hundred times before. But as you strain to conjure even a spark, you become lightheaded. Your knees buckle, collapsing you back to the gritty floor. You try again, but you can feel your energy being sapped away. Your hand falls weakly to the ground.

You rest your head back against the wall and think. You can’t use your sword to hit the rock and make a sound, or defend yourself if something lurks within the darkness. You can’t cast a light, nor any other spell, lest you fall completely unconscious and make your chances worse. The more options you run out of, the more desperate you become. You try reaching out to their tadpoles, but they must be too far away.

You’re stuck.

A sob chokes you as it forces its way up your throat. Even that is muffled by you, by pure habit at this point. You’ve held your oath for years; you’ve learned how to stay silent even under the worst situations. Now it’s come to bite you in the ass.

You look up at the dim light, blurred through tears. They burn as they just keep coming. Your lip quivers as you quietly gasp for air. You’re going to die down here.

Your last option, you’ve already dismissed before it fully forms. You could break your oath, call up to them, cry out for help with the last of your strength. But to do that would leave you even more helpless than before. To speak was to lose your powers. Your god would rip them away in a heartbeat, until you plead for forgiveness; pray for hours and hours to swear your allegiance and dedication once more.

A slave to the chains that bind you.

But what choice do you have?

You try to catch your breath, slow the hiccups and sobs down until you can fill your lungs with air. You open your mouth, try to form the words, but it comes out as a weak sound, almost a poor facsimile of a donkey’s bray. You haven’t spoken for years, to do so now was an astronomical feat. You feel the burn of your god’s eyes as they watch you actively work to break your oath.

You try to speak again. You form an h sound, but it’s so quiet, it’s hardly enough to be considered speaking. You need to shout. You need to let your friends know you are alive down here. Anxiety grips your heart as you imagine being left down here alone, left to starve to death, or worse.

You swallow. You have to do this. You can do this.

“H..e..lp,” you croak out, a mere whisper. It’s raspy and breathy, but it’s a word. You feel your power being sapped away. You nearly sob again. Your god would abandon you down here. An unfeeling master who only craves loyalty. Astarion was right.

You take another deep breath and try harder. “H-elp..!” It’s still a strained rasp, but you hear it begin to echo off the walls. Louder. It needs to be louder. You cup your hands around your mouth. “Help!” Tears prick at the corners of your eyes at the burning in your throat. “HELP!”

-

Astarion’s hands are raw from tying knots. Karlach will bring him big piles at a time, plopping them down beside him, and he’d add them all onto the already-quite-long rope. It was perhaps 30 feet long by now, but he wasn’t confident it would reach.

Wyll sighed, exhausted. “We’re almost out of clothes, my friend.”

Astarion doesn’t look up, barely paying attention to the warlock enough to tell him to keep working. Calluses on his hands open and turn into blisters. He winces with each knot he pulls tight. But he won’t stop. How can he?

Shadowheart sighs as she pulls the pants off another corpse. She’s seen far more anatomy in one hour than she ever wished to again. Karlach sits down by the pile and pulls the other end of the rope into her lap. She begins working to tie more on.

They work silently, but rather efficiently. In another minute, the rope has grown considerably longer. Blood begins to stain Astarion’s end.

“Fangs, maybe you should take a break.” He shakes his head, frowning as he grabs a robe off the pile. Karlach is about to insist, get Wyll or Shadowheart to take over, when a sound comes from the pit. Astarion drops everything and scrambles over as fast as he can.

He tilts his head, facing his ear down into the depths. And he listens…

H..E..LP!

He immediately shouts down into the hole. “We’re going to get you out!” He rushes back to his feet and to the rope. The others drop their half-naked corpses, and Karlach finishes tying one last knot. They help Astarion drag it over to the pit, all lining up to hold onto the end, though, to be honest, Karlach will be doing most of the heavy lifting. He guides the end over the edge, and hurriedly lowers it down. He wants to throw it in, but he’d rather not throw somebody else over the edge with the sudden weight.

He’s knelt right on the edge, wide eyes staring, searching into the dark. He has no idea how close they are to you, or even if it’s long enough. He hopes your god is merciful enough to play with fate.

“Find the rope!” He shouts down. He hopes his voice is reaching you. “We’ll lift you up!”

It’s too quiet for too long. If his heart still beat, it would be racing faster than a rabbit’s on the run. Dread builds up, heavy and unpleasant, in his chest instead. Did you pass out? Was the rope long enough? Would he have to slide down and carry you back up? What was taking you so damn long?!

He’s a second away from removing his armor to climb down when the rope shifts, being tugged by something down in the darkness. He can only hope it’s you. He scrambles to his feet and gets in front of Karlach, grabs hold of the rope with bloody fingers, and begins pulling you from the pit.

Somehow they manage to work as a unit. He’s scrambling to pull you out as fast as possible, but Karlach manages to get him to slow down. If they could do long pulls, they could drag you out faster with less work. He worries his lip between his teeth. Each knot that slips over the edge adds to his anxiety. He’s waiting for the moment it reaches the end and nothing is there. He can only take solace in the fact he can feel your weight holding on. Gods, he thinks desperately, just keep holding on.

After an eternity of pulling, a hand reaches over the ledge. Karlach makes up for his absence when he lets go and falls to his knees at the edge. He reaches in and wraps his hands under your arms, heaving you up and, finally, back on solid ground. He pulls you solidly into his arms, sliding back away from the edge. He’s sick and tired of chasms.

You’re no longer wearing your armor, and your weapons belt is gone, too. Fine, black dirt sticks to your clothes and hands, and even smears across your face, washed away by a stream of tears. He wipes them away with one hand; he can’t give a damn about the blood he leaves in its place.

“I’ve got you,” he breathes. You sob as fall forward, your head landing solidly against his shoulder. Your whole body trembles and shudders with each cry. He’s disconcerted by the sound of your voice, no longer purposefully muffled. He threads his fingers into your hair, holding you to him. “Shh. I’ve got you. You’re safe, I’ve got you.”

-

If your body ached at the bottom of the pit, now you couldn’t even think about moving. Astarion had carried you as far as he could and then some, until Karlach had to take you from his arms before he dropped you. Even then, he stayed right by her side, watching you anxiously.

Back at camp, Shadowheart healed what she could, but most of her energy was spent during the fight. Haslin took over, but even the best he could do would have you bruised and in pain for the next few days. He went into the woods for ingredients to make a soothing balm.

Wyll helped you drink water, and Gale helped you drink some broth, to hold you over until he could make dinner proper. Lae’zel rifled through your veritable hoard of supplies to find you some suitable armor and weapons, and worked to sharpen and polish them.

When you were finally given the chance to rest, Astarion carried you from your bedroll into his tent, laying you down on his own bedroll. He provided as many pillows as you wished, as many blankets as you could ever ask for. He gathered a bowl of water and a fresh cloth and worked to clean the grime off your face.

You watched blankly, too emotionally and physically exhausted to process much. He passed the cloth over your forehead. It was blessedly cool, but the flash of red that crossed your vision could not be ignored.

Arms like lead, you willed a hand to grab his, stopping him mid-swipe. He winced as you pried the cloth from his hand, where it dropped wetly onto your neck, and ran your thumb along his palm. Blisters and blood covered every inch, skin torn and peeling in places. Without even thinking, you try casting a spell to heal him.

Whereas before, when you tried to cast a spell, you could feel it draining your energy from you, now you just felt nothing. It was like dipping a bucket into a well and coming up empty. There is no more magic within you to fuel a spell. Tears prick at your eyes again.

Astarion sighs, long and low. “You don’t have your magic.”

It takes far too much effort to even shake your head. You take a breath, and through the rasping pain, you speak. “They… took it away when… I called for help…” You swallow thickly. Your voice was foreign to you.

It was foreign to Astarion, too. He could recognize the way you signed, the slight variations of years of experience against Gale’s book-perfect signing or even Wyll’s slower, more purposeful movements. He associated it with you so strongly. To hear you speak was like watching a ventriloquist put on a show.

A bitter feeling took hold within him. Just like all gods, all masters, all people with power to laud over another, you were abandoned in your darkest hour, by someone you spent so long dedicated to. Prayers, offerings at alters, your faithful silence - it would never be enough, not to a god who always craved more.

But now isn’t the time to say I told you so. Gently, he removes his hand from your grasp. Your hand flops back to your side. He takes the cloth from where it rested at your neck, re-wets it, and continues cleaning your face.

He doesn’t say anything as he wipes away your tears, catching them before they have a chance to slide down to your ears. When the sobs choke you, he helps you drink some water. When your sorrow lulls you to sleep, he tucks you in and stays by your side, a faithful argus.

---

Tag List:

@hypopxia @flsalazar @beverlybeav @angelofthorr @emiemiemiii @marina-and-the-memes @aurasyn @furblrwurblr @cappsikle @mjmygd @thegirlsadventuresinwonderland @kindadolly @bloopthebat @pandimoostuff @chesb0red @black-star1472 @sessils @olitheghostboy-blog @puppyg1rl666 @maruichio @cyber-dump-171 @katharynmarie @twinkliker3000 @cherifrog @catching-fire-in-the-wind @thespectacularspaceace @lynnlovesthestars @sylverqueen_cosplay @yarn_yogi @tototini @teardropcup @ashrio20 @bambamwolf87 @astarion-imagine-archive

[riofann]

10. tempestuous

Tempestuous: characterized by strong and turbulent or conflicting emotion.

Previous Chapter

Monday July 4, 2022

“Y/N! Y/N!”

“Yea what's up?” you turn to face your sisters 

Gia asks “You okay?” 

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?!” You ask frustrated 

“Well because I just had to call you like 10 times to get you to respond” 

“I’m sorry Gia just thinking about work” 

“GOD! are they still texting you” 

“Yeaaaa” you say in a ‘duh’ tone

“Then your managers suck that's why you have managers to manage not text you all the time give me that!” she says snatching the phone from you

You reach for the phone “Hey! I need that!” 

“No! Alicia back me up!” she commands before  throwing the phone to her

“ALICIA!” you plead

Alicia moves away from you “I’m sorry sissy but sis is right”

You throw your hands up “Oh my god! You guys are killing me” 

“Look at you!” Gia points at you “you’re killing yourself.” 

You shake your head and sit down on the couch

“When's the last time you treated yourself or went on a date?” 

“Not this again” you say, this has been a recurring topic of conversation 

“No seriously when's the last time you were told you were beautiful” 

You roll your eyes “A lot of my customers tell me that daily” 

“Not your customers, your boyfriend! your man!” Alicia asks 

Gia approaches you “Listen when is the last time you got some really good dick?” 

You feel your palms sweating, “Gia really is that important?” 

“YES IT IS! we have needs too just like guys” Alicia interjects 

“Alicia! I can’t hear this!” you say covering your ears 

“No you’re gonna listen”  Gia says laying on you. “We are worried about you, and you're overworking. It was bad with one bar but now two?!”

Alicia jumps on top making you both groan “and you’ve canceled on us like 50 times!” 

“That's an exaggeration”

“Okay not 50 but every time its like I can’t ‘I'm working I cant gotta run to the bar’ ”

“I'm a busy woman!” 

“We know we also know you won’t make time for things unless someone forces you to ! You’re working too hard!”

You sigh “I promise to do better”

“We want a boyfriend for Christmas if you dont we are gonna snitch on you”  

“Nooo dont tell mom and dad” 

“Well I guess you better get to doing other shit besides working”

You groan and finally get the strength to push them off you 

“Its because we love you” Alicia hugs you 

“Yea I know” you say begrudgingly but hugging her back 

As you drive home that evening you think of the dream  you had recently. You and Rio were in his office arguing over something stupid you can’t even remember the details. Next thing you knew he was kissing you, shoving you back against the wall, and you were kissing him back! It was sloppy, not quite coordinated like it would be in real life, he was groping the same areas, some scenes kept replaying over and over, others were so vivid you could smell his cologne, taste the spearmint gum he chewed occasionally, the fabric of his shirt against your fingers. It ended when he reached up your skirt to yank down your panties, and just as you felt his calloused fingers graze up your thighs your alarm went off. Saved by the alarm! You would have liked for it to continue, because that would be the only way you were getting any. When you go to take a shower you feel the wetness between your thighs. Anyway the conclusion that you came to was you thought there was too much proximity to him and you were horny so your mind conjured him up nothing more, nothing else. 

Saturday August 13, 2022

“It's hot!” you complain as you approached Rio, once again at the country club 

“Its summer” he states the obvious 

“Yup anyway here you go” you stated dropping the bag on the floor. You changed tactics you were either dropping it on the floor/table or in his hand now by holding it with both hands on the straps instead

He shoves the bag to the side next to his duffle “It’s getting cooler though it was burning at 3” he adds 

“You’ve been here since 3? (it was 6:30 in the evening)” 

He nods “had a couple of meetings”

You nod feeling the awkward tension “want anything else or can I go?” 

He smiles, looks at the tennis court then back at you “Not gonna take me up on my offer?” 

“Offer? What offer?” You think to yourself “Oh tennis? I can't” pointing to your attire dress and heels 

He nods “I know you don’t have to work at either place so what's holding you back?” 

“Actually, stalker, I have to be at Oasis tonight so I need to get going” 

He chuckles at your stalker comment before arguing “James said he had it covered” 

“Well James is your hire and he doesn’t ‘have it covered’ because” you show the text message James sent you begging you to go in because the Andersons were gonna stop by with some friends  and only you knew how to make them happy. “I have to go in” 

He sighs with slight irritation “he should be able to manage” feeling like you were just making up an excuse 

You smile at him “He is your hire” you reiterate bringing back the memory of you telling Rio he may not be the best manager but Rio insisting 

“Let him take care of it” he argues 

“Can’t Andersons are big customers spend close to 2 grand or more every time they stop by I gotta go” you turn to walk away

“How is he gonna learn?” he continues 

You shrug and open your hands “You should have asked yourself this before you asserted his position at Oasis!”

He scoffs looking around 

“Oh look at you two! How cute! Again!” 

You both turn to face the older woman and both give her an awkward smile there's a brief moment of silence before Rio asks “Hey I’m sorry do we know you?” 

“Well I saw you two at the launch of Oasis” 

Your mind immediately remembers her “Oh how nice to see you again! Have you been back? I’m sorry if I haven’t recognized you” 

“Oh I have but you're always at the other bar Cure?” You nod “I haven't been but my husband and I plan to stop by with friends”

You give a small pout “I’m sorry I keep missing you”

She waves you away jokingly “Oh it's alright the place is still great, drinks are just the way I like them strong” You giggle “and you know staff is perfect life is still merry!” 

“That's good!” you smile 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt I just thought I would come say ‘Hi’ my name is Edith by the way” she extends her hand 

“Edith nice to meet you I’m Y/N and that's..” 

She answers “Christopher he’s in the Tennis tournament this year saw your profile” she winks 

Rio smiles

You look at your watch. “I have to go, or the manager is gonna be calling me nonstop. It was nice meeting you again Edith and next time you're there have them reach out to me I’ll stop by” 

“Okay see you later young lady” 

You don’t even think to say bye to Rio just wanting to get out of there as soon as possible 

“Boy you must have made her mad!” Edith jokes 

He laughs “something like that”

“That's alright, nothing a bouquet of flowers, chocolate, and a big kiss can’t fix! Always does the job!” She advices

He nods and looks at the older woman Edith looks at the tennis court then back to Rio “You up for another round?”  she asks

He shrugs “sure why not?”

“Good because I'm gonna smoke ya!” 

He takes a sip of his water “I owe you a round of drinks at Oasis if you do”

“Oooh more motivation!!” 

Thursday September 8, 2022

As things slowed down and the staff began closing down at Oasis you went into the office to grab your purse and go home for the night, a vow you recently made to not work past midnight. You hear footsteps walking in after you. You look back to see James standing there 

“Oh James!”, you smile at him even though he annoyed the shit out of you tonight i was just grabbing my bag

“Hey Y/N I wanted to talk to you?” 

“Yea what's up? Today was a hit right? Made a lot.”

“Yea I didn’t want to talk about that” he walks closer “I wanted to talk about you and me”

“Excuse me? I don’t follow” 

“Sorry came on too strong but I have to say it”

“Please don't” 

“You’re really beautiful and you’re an amazing woman”

“James Seriously”

“I know you’re not dating anyone why won’t you give me a chance” he says reaching to touch your cheek 

You jerked back “OH!”  You are shocked that he touched you “Don’t do that!” 

“I like you”

You roll your eyes “I know you do and I told you I’m just not interested right now it's not you its me”

“Why won't you let yourself be loved?” he asks reaching for your 

“James” you warn

He retracts “Seriously I can take care of you, make you feel good, make you feel loved

“I’m just not interested end of discussion”

“I can take care of you, you don’t have to work anymore”

“Well no that's...” 

He cuts you off “Come on” he says stepping closer to you and blocking you in as you push up against the desk “I think you’ve had a lot to drink, we’ll discuss that later but right now I need you to back the fuck up”

“Don’t be scared just let it happen” he whispers 

“James, if you don’t back up, I will shoot you.”  You declare in a flat tone 

He sucks his teeth “you wouldn’t do such a thing to me baby” he says inching closer  as you lean back placing your finger on the trigger 

“You better listen to her” You both hear from the doorway James head snaps to see Rio leaning against the door way “She will shoot you” 

James harshly mugs Rio, “cock blocker” he mumbles 

You’ve never been so grateful to see Rio “I’m going home good night!” you say moving away and walking past James 

“Text me when you get home” James says trying to stake his claim to you

“Good night James!” You say forcefully you’ve never texted him he was either really drunk today or really bold or both

“What the fuck was that about?” James asks stomping up to Rio. “I called first dibs, you knew this, You know I like her!” Rio squares up as James reaches him “you fucking up my spot now?” 

“Take your drunk ass home James before you do something that gets your ass in some shit you'll regret” Rio speaks unwavering 

“Oh you big man now?! You gonna make me regret it?!” Rio doesn't say anything he holds eye contact with him refusing to back down “Fuck you man no ones fucking scared of you!”  They both have a stare down contest before Rio snickers to himself and walks away. He had other things to do he didn't drop by for James 

“Y/N!”  you hear Rio’s voice calling to you as you speed walk to your car

“WHAT?!”  You snapped, spinning around as he was walking towards you. 2 strides and this man caught up to you. Lanky bastard “I am not working with him!” You announce “Did you see that bullshit I had my hand on my gun! I was getting ready to shoot him!”

He waves away your concerns “Don't worry about it Ima take care of it”

“By doing what “talking” to him?” 

He looks you in the eye “What’d I just say?” he responds 

You look up and rub the back of your neck. The migraine was returning  “Why are you here? What do you want?” your feet were hurting your and adrenaline was high 

“Need to talk to you” 

“About?”

“Need a favor”

You roll your eyes again “Favor before apology wow” you mutter 

“What was that?” He asks not fully catching what you said but knowing you made a smart comment 

You smile at him “What is it boss? How can I be at your disposal?” you ask sarcastically 

He drags his tongue on his lips taming the irritation from your sarcastic tone and comment “Got a gala night coming up at the country club need a date”

You scoff and roll your eyes  “Do you really need one? Just take one of the many women around you”

He smirks “Jealous?” he teases

“No! But why the hell do you want me? Don’t you have cousins, aunties or I don’t know?! Lady friends you can take?” He nods “I do but you fit the bill plus how do you want me to tell Edith we broke up?” Your eyes bulge “Did you tell her we were dating?” He smiles seeing your reaction “No but you didn’t tell her either that day or when she saw what happened on launch night” “That was your fault I was trying to move out of the way. I remember correctly you wouldn’t let me!” “So that what?  Your ex could corner you and you stand there looking like you don’t know how to tell him to fuck off I did you a favor”

You throw your hands up frustrated “I don’t get you” 

“Feelings are mutual”

“Why do you want to take me? You don’t even trust me!” you state

“Who told you that?”

You point at him “You!” you look at him unbelieving of his naivety “Every chance someone gets to lie to you telling you I screwed you over you believe them” He scoffs looking away, waving you off “why the hell would you trust me around those country club people? People I am assuming you want to impress” 

He sighs “It was a yes or no question” he asks now annoyed 

“I told you no”

“No you asked about irrelevant shit”

“Okay well the answer is no! There!” 

“Reconsider, I’ll be in touch” he says before walking away

Saturday October 1, 2022

The butterflies in your stomach might as well be wrecking balls your nerves are bad. Why? QTNA. You spent the last 3 weeks finding gala appropriate attire. Some were too much, others too little in any case you had back ups in case your highness didn’t like what you had on. 

You hear the doorbell ring and you hang your head low shaking it as you walk towards the door you had told him to text you so all you had to do was get out of the house. 

You open the door to see him standing there with a tuxedo “Nice tux” an all black tuxedo you couldn’t have predicted anything else 

He nods “clean up nicely yourself”

“Thanks, ready to go?”

He slowly takes you in before responding “mhmm” he hums 

“Okay lead the way” 

The ride to the country club was silent with old school RnB playing in the background. You were temporarily okay until you got to the club and were forced back to reality. You ran over the details you had memorized. 

You and Rio have been together for a little over a year, he owns several businesses around town. He is working on a non-profit to help families pay off medical bills. You’re just there to be his arm candy nothing else as he put it. Even though you argued over him literally getting said arm candy from the slew of women he had at his disposal 

“Ah Mr. Serraño your table number is table 5” 

“Thanks” he says, taking your hand and pulling you along into the room. When the space got too small making it hard for both of you to walk by he would go first, occasionally during that time your hand would bump against his glock that was secured around his waist. 

He stops to mingle a bit catching up with old friends/partners? You don’t know you're just here to be here. 

Eventually you made it to your table. You hated feeling like the newcomer but at least you weren't the only one. 

The night events commence shortly after  with a speech (how the club did this year, plans for next year expansion blah blah blah), announcement of silent auctions, awards, dinner and drinks. 

“Congratulations on the awards Mr. Serraño” He does something that resembles blushing but you write it off as a smile. Rio had gotten 3rd place in the single tournament and 2nd in the double tennis tournament. 

You turn back your attention to the host of the night. The drinks were good, food was good, a good change of scenery from your usual. At some point after dinner during the drinking hour and silent auction Rio excused himself. You don’t question why you just assume it was his usual running to the loo or getting another round of drinks. 

You notice he had been gone awhile when you glance down at your phone and realize almost 30 minutes had passed by. 

He returns shortly after in a huff, irritated. 

“You good?” you ask, glancing at him before you return to listen to the host not wanting to bring attention to his changed mood to your table mates. All he does is grunt frustratedly in response. 

When the host stops talking and the attention is brought back to the table for desserts/drinks/conversation. You notice Rio’s right hand and left, bruised and bloody. With the right being worse, it was bleeding and just as he finishes putting his glass down you grab it in a sly manner bringing it to your lap. 

Rio goes to pull it away but you hold it there pretending to be engaged in conversation while removing the tissue that was in your purse. You hold it firm and in a quick moment you look down at the tissue which was showing stains of red and up at Rio who locked eyes with you. 

That got him to relax enough to let you deal with it. 

When you're confident the bleeding has stopped you let his hand go and Rio takes the hint to go to the bathroom and clean up the rest. You two linger for a little before you both make your exit. You don’t know what he discussed half the night, plans for opening up another business it was all corporate jargon you just weren’t interested in. 

The car ride now is completely silent, no radio, nothing just breathing and the occasional glance at the phone here and there. 

You pull up to a strange building and Rio drives underground and parks the car. He turns to look at you and you stare back not knowing what he’s gonna say

“Gonna wait in here or upstairs?” 

“Upstairs?” you answer unsure of what the right option was

He nods and gets out of the car and being the gentleman of the night he opens the door for you again. You slowly make your way out of the car and walk beside him as he walks into the concrete building, you see number letter combos on the doors. It must be an apartment building you think to yourself. When you arrive on the fourth floor via the elevator only one door is present to you, you assume it was a penthouse unit. 

He opens the door and lets you in, “I’ll be quick just need to change” you nod “make yourself comfortable” he offers before disappearing into the hallway. 

Only  a few lights were turned on. From what you could see it was very much Rio, in some ways it resembled his office at the warehouse. Not a lot of clutter, everything seemed to have its place and served a purpose, no need for the extra fluff. As you continue to take in the space you see a few pictures of Marcus and him along with a larger picture of the greater family. Even the art framed matched him somehow. You turn to the kitchen and think to yourself either he didn’t cook or he cooked everything from scratch except for the very expensive espresso machine sitting on the counter. 

You take a few steps in and your hand grazes the back of his leather couch. It has minimal signs of being utilized. He was busy so a couch with signs of use didn’t seem right. You turn to face the hallway hearing noise coming from that end, a door closed. There were two hallways one by the kitchen the other by the wall where Rio disappeared. You want to walk around exploring his house like he has done to yours several times, you want to strip away any ounce of privacy he had left, you wanted him to feel exposed and vulnerable like he made you feel, not maliciously, maybe some ill intent involved to get back at him if you were being truthful with yourself. To even out the playing field in some sort of way. After he broke into your house the first time and you discovered he looked around you got rid of every sex toy that existed practically became celibate involuntarily. 

“I’m ready” you hear as Rio walks out with a bandaged arm wearing his usual garb. You smile at him and wait for him to approach you. “You could have made yourself a drink or sat down” he chuckles

“It’s okay, I know you have somewhere to be, don’t want to hold you up.” you say before turning to walk away towards the door. 

This time there was music on your way to your house. 

“Sooo what happened to... your...... hand?” you dare to ask after 15 minutes of driving. There's a long silence before he responds. He takes in a deep breath “Fucker moved and I punched the floor” 

“Ouch” you comment 

“Mhm!” 

“Take pain meds?”

“Mhm!”

You nod and look out the window watching as the city lights fade away as you approach the suburbs. Satisfied with his answers. 

He pulls into the driveway turning off the car before slowly turning to face you 

You feel nervous; it's not how he typically looks at you with a blank face or annoyance; there's familiarity in his gaze; he is comfortable with you, well at this moment anyway. 

You giggle nervously “You have somewhere to be”  you say before looking into your bag to find your key “got my keys and cellphone” 

There's a lazy smile on his face “ ‘preciate you joining me tonight” 

You nod, smiling “You made a good impression, they really like you.” That was the whole purpose of the night, right? 

He smiles again looking away  

“Yup well goodnight Rio” you say before opening the door

“Oh come on you wouldn’t let me open the door this time?” he asks jokingly as you step out “Oh! Slipped my mind, sorry” 

He nods stepping out of the car “well the least I can do is walk you to your door” 

You nod in response and close the door making your way towards the house, you were used to him being angry with you, you knew how to navigate around him when he was, this was different it felt like you were being studied in ways you didn’t even understand. 

You fumble slightly to open the door but you do and step in “do you want to come in?” you offer just to offer not that you really wanted it 

He shakes his head “can’t” 

“Right you have things to do, well I guess thanks for the evening I had fun hope your hand heals” 

“Yea here’s your cut” he says handing you the envelope full of money before walking away. 

Friday October 14, 2022

“Have you talked to him?” Alicia asks

“Talked to who?” “Who else?!” 

You sigh “no!” you were starting to regret telling your sisters about the faux date between you and Rio

“Why not?” 

“Well it’s more of like a ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ thing”

“Did you text him the next day?”

You look at the camera on your phone “To tell him what?” 

“Y/N!” Gia scolds 

“Whaaaaat?” You whine

“You were supposed to tell him that you enjoyed your time” she continues

“I already told him that when the night was over! He doesn’t need me to say it again!” 

“You’re supposed to remind him, to keep his mind on you!” 

You roll your eyes “Ugh there's too many rules to dating now”

“Christmas is approaching” she threatens 

“I know!” 

“Either you show up with a boyfriend or we tell mom and dad!” 

You let out a sigh of frustration “Fine! Just tell them. Tell mom and dad!” They remain quiet “What? I don’t think I will have anyone by then guys. I'm busy, I just don’t have the time and I can't ask any man to accommodate this schedule of mine. I know mom and dad won’t be happy  but hey its okay we can’t have it all” 

“That's not true” Alicia speaks up sounding sad

“Don’t Alicia” you warn “I’m not dying here, you guys are acting a bit crazy over this”

“What's wrong with wanting someone to take care of you like you do everyone else?” 

“Nothing I just want you guys to be a bit more realistic on how soon or the possibilities of that happening. But I don’t like talking about myself. I wanna hear about you guys. How are your beaus?”

Authors Note: Please leave your feedback, again please don't steal. Only repost, like, or give credit.

XOXO Rose

Taglist:

@katymae12344, @yinmaggiorebass , @flirtyjen, @wnbweasley, @meadows5, @ffenthusiastt, @rio-reid-whoreee, @belezaya, @meera10, @aunicornmademedoit, @stilestotherescue, @thatoneasiagurl, @baddiereads,

[ivysprophecy]

Am I Okay? Chapter One

warnings: i dont think there is any? drinking and cursing? i planned on writing a few drabbles here and there for this series so i figured the sooner i get comfortable with it the better.

word count: 1318

summary: reader heads to the beach after settling into her new home where she runs into a blonde who invites her to her party tonight. why not? cant be too bad... maybe shell meet someone new ;)

[ masterlist ]

from my understanding, being invited to a party by sarah cameron is like being invited by miss amelia mignonette thermopolis renaldi.

who am i to deny the "honor"?

in her defense she seemed so super sweet and down to earth so im sure its just people being dramatic.

honestly i wasnt even sure if i should have come but new home, new me. right?

she'd sent me a message earlier with an address and said to wait by the "hippie van" at eight so thats where i am now.

i hope im not at the wrong address and just loitering by someones van, i really dont wanna be arrested on my second night here. dad would not be pleased.

"Y/N?" i hear a voice call out from behind me, turning around i see a familiar girls blonde locks flowing from the ocean breeze.

thank the lord, i was starting to get worried.

"hey! sorry i wasnt sure if i should text ya that i was here," which wasnt a lie. i dont have to mention my raging anxiety.

"youre totally fine! you look super cute. cmon lets walk down to the beach and ill give you a little debrief so youre not totally unprepared."

"oh youre an angel sent from above," i smile following her down some path.

she starts leading me through the grass and down a small little hill where i can already see the beach in the distance.

"so," she starts "ill introduce you to my group of people that i hang out with but youre obviously allowed to venture out. so the boys are john b, hes my husband-"

"husband?? honey arent you like- 18? 19?"

"19 and happily married," she smiles genuinely, good for her i guess. could never be me though. "then you have jj, hes with my friend jess. pope is with kimmy, kiara and lex are together too. and then theres my brother rafe."

im guessing she can see my eyes blown wide because she lets out a chuckle. theres so much information to obtain i wanna go home.

"should i be writin this down?"

she laughs again but im being so genuinely serious, is it not obvious?

"i think youll get the hang of it once you actually see everyone since theyre all kinda grouped together. youll see once you get there," sarah and i finally reach what shes now clarified as 'the boneyard'? im not really sure why its called that but oh well.

after passing through a few partygoers we reach a small huddle of people who i assume are her friends by their excitement.

an absolutely stunning girl with the cutest braids comes over gushin at sarah telling her how cute she looks, and she isnt wrong.

"oh my goodness where are my manners, hi! im kimmy-" she turns to me rolling her eyes at herself, i assume at least. i hope it wasnt at me, in my defense i havent done anything.

"no youre fine sugar, im y/n- its real nice to meet yall," i smile hoping my voice isnt shaking.

have i mentioned im nervous?

"youve got the accent too! i could listen to you talk all day long- its nice to meet you too, pope cmere!" she turns around waving who i assume is her boyfriend who follows her motion heading over to us. "babe this is that girl sarah mentioned eariler, y/n, this is pope my boyfriend."

"i gathered that much," i chuckle, "its nice meetin you too. is there a place i can grab a drink quick? im a little too sober for all of this."

thankfully they all laugh, maybe i dont have too much to worry about. they all seem so nice im probably overthinking all of this.

"yea! sorry-," sarah looks over popes shoulder shouting, "jj! get your ass off the cooler and toss me a drink! what do you like weve got high noons, twisted teas, those blue smirnoff drinks, coors light... i think thats it," she turns back to me asking sweetly.

"beers fine. easy start," i laugh at her change in demeanor when she addresses me.

"beer please!" she yells back at jj who tosses it over.

he shouting back urging our group back over that way. "whos your friend?" a blonde next to jj whips her head around before smiling and waving at me.

"jj thats y/n- i already told you. she just moved here from texas? sarah met her earlier? do you listen to nothing i say ever??"

"mama i do listen but you say a lot of things. its hard to keep up with you."

"youre such a dick."

i head bobs back and forth between the twos bickering. "sorry do i know you?"

"no- sorry this is a bit awkward. im jess, im sorry im a bit of an internet stalker. wanted to see who you were when sarah mentioned you."

"no its okay," i chuckle, all these people are so sweet. "my best friends like that. im used to it."

"oh my god your accent is everything- i love it. also have you seen the hunger games triology?"

jj sighs and rolls his eyes at his girlfriends inquiry, "babe you cant just ask that out of no where."

"absolutely, hasnt everyone?" i respond naturally. of course ive seen one of the most successful series ever?

"ah ha! shut the fuck up jj-"

"yes maam," he chuckles handing her her drink back with a smile.

"so i see youve met kim and their boyfriend- this is jj as im sure youve heard. sarahs for sure filled you in on john b whos getting more ice... all thats left is kie and lex! i think theyre dancing right now though-"

jess goes on covering her bases thinking of who i have left to meet.

"they?" i turn to kimmy with an apologetic look on my face, "oh sugar im sorry i didnt know you were non binary you shoulda said something. i didnt mean to be rude."

"no you werent rude at all i didnt mention it."

"well im glad i know for future reference," i smile at them still feeling a little bad, thinking back to see if i accidentally misgendered them but honestly so much has gone on in the last ten minutes i cant recall.

"oh she hasnt met rafe," jj mentions nudging jess' shoulder. "hes talking to some old buddies over there though."

sarah rolls her eyes at her brother yelling over to him, "rafe! cmere!"

he turns at the sound of his sisters voice before brushing her off, clearly busy talking to someone.

"its really fine im sure ill meet him eventually."

"no hes just an ass sometimes- rafe!" she yells again and he finally turns around shrugging at her a little annoyed.

and holy shit is he a gorgeous specimen of a man.

thats probably not a good thing for me to think first time im meeting him but i cant help it. that man is hot as hell.

sarah points at me, trying to voice that she wants him to meet me as i stand there awkwardly, trying not to smile like an idiot. he gives me one of those frat guy nods with a cute lil smile and i have to admit it brings a blush to my cheeks.

bar is on the floor so in all fairness i cant help it.

"seems like hes too busy to even come over here. im sure hell make his way over eventually.

"its fine sarah," i open my beer finally taking a refreshing sip. "im just happy to be here. lets get this party started!"

to that the group hoots and hollers. im starting to feel more comfortable by the minute with them.

but all night it feels like there are eyes on me constantly.

i just didnt know they were rafes.

[luvvnai]

Unrequited Love 

rapper y/n keeps hurting chris but he cant let go

you and Chris had a very interesting situation going on you two had met at summer smash last summer your set was before lil skies and ever since then Chris was in love with you, you did to but just not enough to want something with him you didn't see yourself in a relsonship

the first time he had confessed his love you to where in your car eating McDonalds Chris had constant Butterflys when with you, the way you grabbed his arm when laughing so hard that made you curls bounce or the way you mixed gold and silver jewelry and how your braces shined when you talked out whatever you where rambling bout

you were eating your nuggets when he couldn't stop looking at you, he felt like he was stuck in a trance he had been positive you felt the way about him you let him yap your ears off cuddled with him showed him your music that haven't dropped yet always ready to pick him never making fun of him for not being able to drive, so he took a deep breath said it "im in love with you y/n" you choked on your nuggets and didn't say it back he went home and cried to nick

you loved music, being on tour, being in the studio meeting other artist anything that had to do with it honestly sometimes you felt like music was your soulmate but you felt that getting into a relationship would be too distracting and there wasn't anything you could get out of Chris but some dick in your mind which led you to be friends with some more

nick and matt tried to tell him on many occasions that this would hurt him and was doing him worse than good, but he didn't care you could have hated him but as long as he was with you, he didn't care he loved taking you shopping watching you at the studio seeing fans ship the two of you he just loved you and as bad as it sounds you loved the attention and how much he spiled you rarely you wished you loved him back but there was only room for one in your heart and music won every time

currently you and Chris where on a "break" again you felt that he was pushing a relationship on you it wasn't that you where the whole problem Chris lets his commenmnt issues onto you it made you feel untrusted and controlled you didn't like that he wanted your lo to know all yours plans for the week what time you left and got back to your house

you had done an interview at the red carpet and timothy shalmon was the interviewer you and him are very similar flirty and talkative people the fans went crazy so did Chris he went on a 2-hour rampage watching every edit watching your body language at one point he even had it up on his tv

and fans had made many edits and ship they had also shipped you and Chris but not as much as they are with timothy and Chris in fax didn't like that why would they think you and timothy looked better than you and him did you think the same did you do the things with him you also did with chris he went crazy.

chris🤦🏽

soo whats up with you and timothy? cos you seemed really happy

oh my god Chris what are u on about

nah just wondering because everyone saying you two dating

chris you always do this stuff I can't look at a guy . without you going genuinely crazy

he cant fuck you like i do tho he dont love you like i do no one will i dont understand why you wont let it be and be with me .read 2:15

read he goes to text you again typing you are in love with him you just don't know it yet 'Chris get a grip you sound insane" Chris looks over at matt on the couch "Chris this has been going on for months how many times are we going to have to tell you she doesn't love you" Chris ran his hands though his hair throwing his hair back "shut the fuck up guys you don't get it this is what happens" nick laughed "may that kind of love never find me" Chris threw one of the pillows at nick

you on the other hand where unbothered by Chris you knew no matter what you said or how you treated him he would always come back to you like a lost puppy this was a game to you see how many times you could win you took it so far to the point where you didn't even follow him back on insta but had a highlight for you named 👩‍❤️‍👨 and you hid your face in every pic

it's been almost 3 weeks since you texted Chris, he's called you and texted your multiple times, but you didn't respond and for a second matt and nick thought you were finally done with him as they had to hold their little brother all most every night it was like he was going through withdrawal he couldn't sleep barely eating even nate tried to help

but just as he started getting a little better and accepting that you were never coming back, he relapsed you texted him one night at 4 am when you were at the studio bord you genuinely forgot about the poor boy

chris 🤦🏽 . * your lo* come over imy

ill be there in ten

*yn❤️ liked message*

i missed you to baby

as calm as he sounded in the messages, he was so relieved to hear from you he ran to matts room busting through the door "matt yn just texted me can you give me a ride to her" matt sat up from his bed smacking his forehead "Chris don't go isn't this draining for you" Chris feeling irritated pulls the blanket "come one matt I need her please" matt not wanting his brother to get a uber at 4 in the morning gets up grabbing his keys "thank you" Chris says softly

he got your privet studio that had a gate in the front that needed a code to get in he texted you to come open it matt saw you walk out the building in a white tan top and long gray short to the gate this being the first time he'd seen you since rolling loud you walking to the car as Chris rolled down his window hey you can just drop him off here the inside is full Chris walked out the car hugging you

you didn't really hug him back just kinda sat there this pained matt knowing how hugs where Chris's love language "so how long you need him till you go ghost again" his mattaude sticking out very hard Chris shots him a look you as you smile at matt "idk ill drop him off when I'm done with him" you say as you walk away Chris quick to follow you

you and chris get into your studio he sits on the office chair and sits you on his lap rapping his arms around your waist and his head into your neck "I missed you baby" you put your hands in his hair rubbing his scalp "you wanna here this new song i just made" he lifts his head up "mhmm" you tap around on your computer and play a song https://open.spotify.com/search/the%20cut ( please just act like a girl sings it)

in the middle of the song Chris picks you up placing you onto the table kissing you he pulls you into a kiss he knows he shouldn't be doing this and that he will be hurt but there is that side of him that truly thinks he can change you and maybe one day you will love him back, he kisses down your neck starting to leave Hickeys as you pull onto his hair Chris no hickeys I have a show next week

he Growns onto your neck as he listens to you pulling your shirt off and going for your tittes sucking on one as he toys with your other nipple pinching and slapping it, he moves down kissing your belly and pulling your shorts off he sits back down into the chair as your heat sits perfectly Infront of him he kisses and bites your inner thigh pulling you panties off and blowing into your clit

Chris, you whine like music to his ears he loves the way his names sound so perfect in your mouth when you pull him by his hair into you, he happily follows diving into you rapping his hands around your thighs putting them over his shoulders

you moaned out as you felt him spell something on your clit Christopher that's when it hit him, he didn't care how many times you ghosted him or didn't say you loved him back this was his favorite place he would go through all that pain all over again if it meant ending up in-between your legs

[taiyaakii]

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ Lemon boy pt 2 ! . . . ( 西村力 )

01. Style 운명 . story 02. CONTAINS: Angst, miscommunication, crack (kinda), comfort, riki's a wee bit whipped, and fluff ! 03. wc ! 1,411 04. Part 1 05. Lemon boy - Cavetown 06. Note: The writing style might be kinda weird.. I tried to write it as niki's thoughts !

Why she had been so keen on being his friend, he didn't completely get.

She was sweet, like strawberries. She was much too sweet for Riki, and everyone knew it, but that didn't stop him from trusting her, plus he liked strawberries

-

I enjoyed her company, but it was annoying at first.

Not annoying, it wasn't annoying, I didn't mean that.

It was just weird. She showed up out of nowhere, tried to be my friend and when I tried to show that I wasn't interested she didn't give up.

She followed me around, sat with me at lunch, talked non-stop. It was weird, she's weird.

What's weirder is iv grown to like her.

"But soon his bittersweet started to rub off on me You'd think smelling like lemon zest would be pretty neat I found out that my friends are more of the savoury type, and they weren't too keen on compromising with a nice lemon pie"

Her friends have started avoiding her, I don't think she knows I noticed

It's kinda hard not to when her smiley demeanor is fading though

-

"Hey..." What better time to tell her than when were walking to class?

"Hi Riki!" Why does she smile at me so much? "Um... so I need to talk to you"

"Mmmm about?" Just rip the bandaid off Riki

"We can't be friends" She stopped in her tracks, turning around and bumping into my chest "What?"

God her voice sounded so small and broken, I can't do this

"I'm sorry..." Maybe speed walking off without a proper explanation why though wasn't the best move

"So Lemon Boy and me, we just gotta get along together I'll help him plant his seeds"

I know it was for the better but this kinda sucks man...

I mean she was the one person who cared for me and I just pushed her away?? uhhhhhhhhhhh I'm going to die

It didn't even do anything anyway, her friends are still avoiding her

God, I messed this up so bad... (sulky niki :<)

"And we'll mow the lawn in bad weather It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him"

It's been another week, she's started leaving choco milk's on my desk every morning

I hate it, I hate her, I hate that no matter what I do she just won't stop

But she's so cutttttteeeeeeeeuhhhhhhhhhh oh my god

-

Following right behind Riki, she appears

"Riki!" Maybe if I ignore her she'll go away

"Rikiiiii!!!" Hah haha hahahahaahah I'm so funny you're so funny Riki why'd you think that would work She started tugging on his shirt

"Riki! I'm just gonna keep at this you know, as long as i have too" I believe it "You can't get rid of me" Trust me i know

Maybe if i turn around really quickly she'll bump into me... that would be funny

Thump

Hey i was right it was funny

"What"

"Why are you ignoring me? Huh?" Maybe if I'm really mean to her she'll finally stop

Ohhhhh but her cute eyessss i cant i cant do this aughhhh (he's losing it... i think) cmon it's the best for her, just do it "Because i don't like you"

Ahhhhh she looks sad ahhihiwhfwfu I could've done that nicer... but then she wouldn't have taken the hinttttt ughhhhhh

"But you still smile at me from a distance?" Eh? What's she mean? Huh? Sorry? Can you repeat that? what?

"Uhh no I don't" "Yes you do Riki I'm not stupid, also you drink the choco milk every day... every day!! If you don't like me so much why don't you just throw it away?" Uh uh uh uh uh hhahahaha

"Not stupid? That's debatable" Ehhhhh it hurts my soul oh my god please don't take it seriously i love you please marry me I'm sorrryyyyy

Omg she's thinking for so long she took it seriously omgggg

"Now I see why you didn't have any friends before me" HUH HUUUUUUUUUUUUH??? THAT WAS SO MEAN? I MEAN I KNOW I WAS BEING MEAN BUT THAT WAS SO MEAN?

"Sorry, that was a joke I didn't mean it I swear" Oh nvm

She paused before sighing

"Do you actually hate me? Like genuinely" OMG the way her eyes are glossing over, this is fucked everything's fucked omg stop just staring at her.. reply stupid

"Yes" MF NO WHAT? OMG

oh my god i think she's gonna cry... I'm the worst person alive

This is why you had no friends you dumb bitch oh my god "I didn't mean that... seriously i didn't okay I'm so sorry" Pwease forgive me i might actually start crying and that would be embarrassing for the both of us please!!

Ugh don't look up at me like that it's only making it worseeee "You could've just told me awhile ago you know. I mean I know I'm annoying but you didn't have to make me think you liked having me around"

No love of my life nooooooooo "I don't! I mean it I promise, I just" Oh my god it's hard to think when she looks at me like that

"I just... I saw how your friends started avoiding you when you became friends with me so, I thought maybe, if I was mean enough to you, you'd stop being friends with me you know? Then you'd get your friends back..." PLEASE TAKE ME BACK (yall weren't dating in the first place?..)

"You don't have to lie to me Riki, I don't think you're a bad person like everyone said but this was mean you know" Even after everything, she still doesn't think I'm a bad person? Seriously? Oh my god she's crying and walking away

Do I yell for her? Tell her how much she means to me? Do I give her all the cash in my wallet? Everyone likes money right? No make it meaningful asshole jesus

"Hey!"

Yelling for her, she turned around again, eye's tired and watery as her slightly pink cheeks riddled with tears; Before he could stop himself he grabbed her wrist, leaned into her face, and kissed her

It was sweet, much sweeter than he was 5 minutes ago, it was soft, gentle, it was kind, and full of love. The exact opposite of everything he had been called in the last 4 years of high school, and it was because of you

Because of you, Riki felt happy for once, he felt like he had a true friend for the first time in forever, he just didn't mean to fall so in love with you over the months you guys were becoming friends

Pulling away he started to talk, maybe a little faster than she could comprehend

"I love you, like a lot, I'm sorry, I'm dumb okay, when I said I just wanted you to have your friends back i meant it, i don't want you to be ostracized because of me, you're my only friend and you mean the world to me! Seeing you upset because everyone was avoiding you, broke me, you know that? You're the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful soul ever, the last thing id want to do is hurt you. Okay?"

God she's so cute

Staring up at him she nodded slowly, sniffling her tears

"Don't cry okay? Please?"

Again she nodded as he wiped her tears

She's so beautiful, oh my god she's so beautiful

"I don't care about them Riki, i promise i don't! They barely talked to me before we became friend's anyway" The way she sniffles in between words is so cute oh my goooood please take my last name

"And I love you too okay? I do, so please, don't be mean to me again... I was kinda worried you really hated me" Oh my god

"I could never." Be smooth with this Riki... Lift her head up, look into her eyes annnnndddd kiss again

LETS GOOOO im so smooth and cool

"I love you" You already said that ... be more creative

"And i want you to beeeee" say it "Mineeee? please?"

AHH SHE'S GIGGLING oh my god.........

SHE NODDED LETS GOOO I WIN

Giggling again at the obvious pink that dusted Riki's cheeks, the two kissed again, and again, and a few more times after that, but in the end, he was okay with not having any friends, as long as he had her, he was perfectly okay.

"So I got myself a citrus friend"

@taiyaakii

Note: Sorry if this is bad or not what you guys' were hoping! Iv been busy and I just wanted to get it out 'cause I felt so bad for leaving you guys without a part 2 for so long, but I hope you guys like it ! ><

Taglist: @honey-bunnysweet @ririsreverie (sorry if you didn't want to be tagged but it is finally here ><)

[sad-stucky-shipper-107]

OK OK SO, long post but bear with me. This is such an important match.

Here we see what Kageyama's worst fear is. He gives his 101% BUT BUT only he did that in his previous team, he played so good that everyone else was getting left behind. And so no one trusted his tosses, He spiked the ball and no one was there to get it. he admits this is like the worst fucking thing in the world

We get a better look at the dymanics of the team. Look at how mean Tsukishima can be. Clearly it is hard enough for Kageyama to talk about it but Tsukki will dig and dig and dig until the other guy is bleeding.

Tanaka sees this is bad, so attempts to moderate but Daichi stops him, he knows that this is something the 1st years will have to work out by themselves (though I have no doubt he'll step in if things get too bad)

And they do! Kageyama is spilling his guts on that volleyball court and everyone is Holding Their Breath at whats gonna happen next

And what happens next is the absolute fucking miracle that is Hinata Shoyo. He so EASILY brushes away Kageyama's worries. He tells Kageyama that he has nothing to worry about (😭😭😭 oh god they're making me sob) He says it with SO MUCH CONFIDENCE THAT KAGEYAMA HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO BELIEVE HIM.

BECAUSE THAT;S WHAT HINATA SHOYO DOES. HE BELIEVES IN HIMSELF. AND HE BELIEVES IN YOU. AND HE BELIEVES IN YOU UNTIL YOU BOTH BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES AND EACH OTHER TO MAKE YOUR DREAM A REALITY.

HINATA SHOYO HAS DECLARED THAT THEY WILL BEAT TSUKISHIMA AND THAT KAGEYAMA WILL BECOME A SETTER SO THEY WILL.

AND AND.

HERE HINATA SHOWS HIS OWN INSECURITY. TELLS EVERYONE THAT EVERY CHANCE, EVERYBALL IS WORTH CHASING BECAUSE HE HASN'T HAD EVEN THAT. EVER. HE IS SHORT SO HE CANT AFFORED TO MISS EVEN A SINGLE TOSS.

AND THEN MF KAGEYAMA STEPS UP. HE DOES. HE 1) ACKNOWLEDGES HINATA AS A SPIKER AGAIN AND 2) TELLS HIM THAT HE HAS HINA'S BACK.

MORE TEAM DYNAMICS!!! SUGA TRIES TO PERSONALLY ENGAGE WITH KAGEYAMA (This is where I think the SugaMom and Dadchi dynamics come from, Daichi has a better over all commanding presence whereas Suga prefers bonding with them all one on one. Not to say they can't switch but we all have out strengths.)

Awww Kageyama finally complimenting hina and telling him he has so much potential, I love them to death

AND HERE WE HAVE A TRUE GLIMPSE OF THE GENIUS OF TOBIO. MY BOY HAS AN ACTION PLAN AND BY GOD HE IS GOING TO WIN THIS GAME WITH THE ABSOLUTE WEAPON THAT IS HINATA SHOYO.

BUT. BUT. FOR THAT HE NEEDS HINATA'S ABSOLUTE TRUST. WITH ANYONE ELSE THAT WOULD BE SUCH A BIG ASK BUT HINATA. MAN. HINATA DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DO THINGS ANY OTHER WAY. ALL HE CAN DO IT TRUST IN KAGEYAMA. AND HE DOES. WITHOUT HESITATION.

KAGS IS LITERALLY PLAYING 5D CHESS ON THE COURT

AND HE SETS. AND HINATA SPIKES AND THEY FUCKING SCORE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME THEY SCORE!!

THE FACT THAT HINATA'S EYES WERE CLOSED. THE FACT THAT HE HAD SUCH ABSOLUTE FAITH IN TOBIOS TOSS (The toss which no one even bothered picking up in the last match) THAT HE LITERALLY HAD BLIND FUCKING FAITH.

AND IT FUCKING PAYED OFF. SHOYO WAS RIGHT, WE'RE ALL IDIOTS AND BOTH SHOYO AND TOBIO ARE JUST THAT GREAT.

GOD I FUCKING LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH

[overnowsfcb]

even if they talk; trent alexander-arnold smau

pairing: trent alexander-arnold x nepobaby knowles!model!reader

face claim: taylor russell

summary: people will criticize everything, but there is someone who will never fail you, and that was trent.

warnings: mostly fluff, angst (bit of hate and critics towards reader).

note: this is my first smau i hope it's not too bad! i would love to hear your thoughts or suggestions, also requests are open! — venus 🫂💐🫧

INSTAGRAM!

liked by ynknowles, virgilvandijk and 1,199,023 others

trentarnold66 🤷🏽‍♂️

view all comments

user1 the best out there

user2 unreal 🔥🔥🔥

user3 let's go reds!

ynknowles congrats! is there some secret routine helping you before the game to be that amazing? 🤔

↪trentarnold66 Maybe.. But I can't share any details here 🤫

↪user4 ARE WE MISSING SOMETHING????

↪user5 whats so interesting??? share with the class????

user6 yn and trent interacting??? i- wow

↪user7 if i hadnt seen it with my own eyes id say everyones tripping

user8 are they implying something or is just me

↪user9 I THOUGHT EXACTLY THE SAME

user10 YOU BETTER EXPLAIN YOURSELF ynknowles

user11 LET HER COOK

↪user12 girl i think they've already had a feast

user13 wtf is yn doing here

↪user14 she ruins everything good

user15 i hope trent doesnt distract w this... cant even say it

↪user16 yeah we know what she did to her exes so...

↪user17 put some respect on beyoncé's daughter's name and inform yourself before talking, mind you

NEWS!

comments

user trent can do so much better than yn. she just wants to stay relevant

user shes using trent because she has no talents to show

user i've heard rumors about how yn's exes have ended. trent, watch your back, my man.

↪user you talk as if she murdered them??? plus she never did anything to any of her exes you're just talking bc it's free

user i just hope that trent can open his eyes asap

user what a disappointment from trent. i thought he was better than dating a spoiled kid with too much time and money in her hands

user y'all are just jealous that she has what many desire 1. money 2. fame 3. beauty 4. trent's dick

user why is everyone jumping to conclusions though? we should give them the space to tell us whenever they feel ready

user i love how haters act like they know everything about yn's life and they dont know shit

TWITTER!

INSTAGRAM!

liked by zoeisabellakravitz, trentarnold66 and 2,763,548 others

ynknowles paris you are the vibes ⭐️ so damn proud of my little blue and this mind-blowing tour, i love you momma beyonce !

view all comments

beyonce Love you endlessly, my angel. You know how much your support means to Blue. 💙

bellahadid Prettiest fairy in the world.

troyesivan mmm alright??? why are you so perfect???

user18 no trent here though 🤷‍♀️

user19 this is the confirmation about how yn just uses trent

user20 ugh. i hate these nepobabies who think the world revolves around them

ynknowles has restricted the comments for this post

TWITTER!

INSTAGRAM!

liked by ynfan34, trentfan78 and 18,905 others

ynknowlesupdates Yn Knowles in Anfield today with friends! This is the first time we've seen her in public in three months.

view all comments

user1 i cant stand her 😒 smile or smth if youre gonna see your "boyfriend"

↪ ynfan1 if you cant stand her then poke your eyes with a spoon and dont bother 😁

ynfan2 omg this will be the first match that she attends. i hope she enjoys it!!!! (win please)

ynfan3 I MISSED HER SO MUCH IM GLAD SHES WELL

ynfan4 baby looks tired of people taking pics of her 😕 i wanna hug her

↪user2 but shes there for that??? she loves attention

↪ynfan5 or maybe just MAYBE she wants to support her boyfriend??

ynfan6 TODAY I WAS MISSING HER MORE THAN ANYTHING SHE LOVES ME

trentfan1 WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING THERE?? i though we had gotten rid of her 😩

user4 if we lose today you know who is to blame...

trenfan2 over and over again i will repeat it until trent leaves her, shes with him for fame

↪ynfan7 yeah cause trent is soooo worried about what you think right???

user5 i bet shes there just for the cameras

trentfan3 yn trying to be a wag is so cute and laughable. she doesnt even measure up to the real ones.

↪user6 ikr? shes trying so hard poor girl

trentfan4 the fact that she goes with her friends 💀💀 i bet no wag would want to be seen with her

INSTAGRAM!

trentarnold66 Just clever people can handle how flawless my queen is. Happy first anniversary, my love. I love you madly, always. No need to demonstrate anything on social media when we're tellin' each other how much we love at every hour. ❤️

tagged: ynknowles

view all comments

ynknowles i love love love you so fucking much you dont have an idea

↪trentarnold66 i love you more more more than you could imagine

ynknowles thank you for being the most perfect man ive ever known t ❤️❤️❤️❤️

↪trentarnold66 i just try my best to be on your level, lovely

beyonce You are such a gentleman, Trent! Grateful for the way you take care of my angel.

liked by trentarnold66, ynknowles and 21,234 others

ynfan8 A YEAR??? BUT IF WE FOUND OUT FOUR MONTHS AGO

↪trentfan5 i feel so stupid how did they hide it so well 😦😦

trentfan6 shut them up trent

trentfan7 THATS A GOOD MAN!!!! men just take notes rn

bellahadid Thank you for taking care of the purest woman in this world, Trent 💖

ynfan9 not bee and bella thanking him 🥺🥺

↪trentfan8 im gonna cry he must be so cute

↪ynfan10 no bc she surely spent some tough months with the hate towards her and he sure was the supportive boyfriend as he should 😭😭

trentfan9 WHY NO ONES TALKING ABOUT THE BATMAN KEYCHAINS???

↪ynfan11 nonononooooo i love them best couple in the world

ynfan12 the pics he takes of her, the caption, everything 😪😪😪 god send me a man like that

trentfan10 the people who said they were going too fast must be regretting it 🤭

ynfan13 im afraid we'll find out they have kids when they're in uni, lmao. happy anniversary you two!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[things-that-weevils-do]

ive been turning these 2 around in my mind so so much lately... id like to share why i like them, so ill do so under cut :)

what draws them together? both of their traumas are part of them. neither of them are going to 'get better' in the expected way. they can learn to cope with their struggles, possibly get medications to help with that, but that's it. theyre similar in many things ('their trauma isnt leaving', both are suicidal "feeling suicidal/i wish i wasnt alive" "i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL"), neither like who they are as people "all the pretty girls make me not wanna be me" "do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know?") and both of their songs are about their relationships with other people, even if its not the main theme

weevildoing said this about disposable girl. with chemical girl, its more obvious

this gives them both a deeper understanding of each other !! even though their traumas are still different, theyve got this similarity. they could talk about that, relate to each other, etc...

another thing that draws them together: their interests, id say! she was a skater girl she was a fitness girl, can i make it any more obvious... most of their hobbies arent the exact same, but they are at least in a similar vein id say - anime and gundam, skating and fitness, rap and megan thee stallion. they could easily enjoy each other's interest, i think!:)

what stands in the way? misunderstanding and miscommunication. i think that (when theyre first getting to know each other, at least) disposable wouldnt stand up for herself/tell chemical when shes uncomfortable/when chemical says something that upsets her ("being mistreated would at least mean im real" "that at least means youre someone that they wanna be around"). she'd feel like voicing these things would cost her her and chemical's relationship. i also feel like she wouldnt see this as something worth communicating, possibly

thatd be a problem in all relationships ofc, but itd upset chemical girl especially. she has a hard time forming relationships ("i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know?"). she pushes others away so that she cant hurt them ("theres no point in getting close, leave me alone"). i think that if she and disposable got close, and she found out that it isnt communicating its feelings, shed be upset !! yknow ?? thinking that youve finally found a friend that likes you as you are, when in reality ur just hurting them with everything that you say... getting close to someone for the first time in forever, opening up, just to find that out would probs frustrate her

have an example of smth that i think that would happen when theyre first getting to know each other

i think they'd communicate this eventually tho:) yay yippee! im communication and im understanding🏳️‍🌈the girlfriends

what are their good traits? they want to be there for each other, to help each other grow, to understand one another!! like in "what draws them together?", they understand each other more than the average person. they could help each other accept this - like, its easier to accept people for things that you beat yourself up about, yknow? were more strict with ourselves than other people, its easier to deem someone else as deserving of love than yourself, etc etc... since theyre similar in many things, they could learn to love themselves while they start to love each other !! i hope that makes sense..

them sharing hobbies would be SOOO so cute!!! chemical teaching disposable fitness so that she has an outlet for her frustration, disposable teaching chemical how to skate... chemical showing it gundam, her figurine collection, disposable showing her anime, them listening to rap together.... it would be so cute !!!!! i think disposable would enjoy fitness, but would be embarassed by being bad at it/being slow/sweating a lot/etc. chemical would be cheering her on, proud of her for the smallest improvements... likewise, i think chemical would suck at skating. steps on the skateboard and it explodes. u know how it is

what makes them hopeless at romance? ARGHHH "what to do, when everybody that ive loved has only up and left me?" "im alwasy left out of everything" "nobody fuckinf wants me" vs "theres no point in getting close, leave me alone" "i dont think you should come by my place tonight" "nobody can keep up with me"... need i say more...

i think they should latch onto each other like leeches and never let go

thank you if youve read this far:) theyre so everything to me !!!! theyre sooo... god... shaking them!!!! arghrrrr!!! chemwaste!!! save me chemwaste!!!

(both of these poses are from mellon_soup)

[dukeofdelirium]

your top 5 kataang moments? 🩵🧡

oh god that’s a tough one but I’ll try

1) the desert scene when Aang goes into the avatar state and everyone else runs away, but Katara stays and pulls him out of it.

I cant believe love was invented in 2006! seriously though, everything about this scene was so well done from the music to the animation to the writing. it’s one of my favorite episodes in the entire series and one of their best moments imo

2) the scene when Aang tells Katara how much she means to him/how much he loves her at the end of the Serpent’s Pass. It’s seriously such a beautiful scene for them and the fact it’s the episode that follows up The Desert makes it even better. The emotional weight of the scene is so good and it’s just so so sweet

3) the finale scene/the final kiss

It isn’t even specifically the kiss that I like the most. I actually love the hug more. The animation is so beautiful and they look so in love with each other 😭 it’s so well done and the second I hear that Cave of Two Lovers music start playing I start crying fr

4) the entire Kataango dance scene in The Headband. Listen, this remains probably my favorite episode in the entire show. There is something so comforting and feel-good about it! And their little dance is the cutest thing ever. I especially like when he approaches her to dance and she starts nervously playing with her hair (something she does a few different times around him in the series if you pay attention). I just love all the cute details like that and this scene is just so great to see especially since it follows up The Awakening which is also a heavy kataang episode!

5) the “I did get to meet you” scene in the second episode of the show. Idk why, but it’s always just stuck with me. There’s just something very wholesome and pure about such simple dialogue from Aang, and I think it really embodies their entire relationship. That yes, they have suffered extreme loss, but they also would never have met otherwise, and through their meeting they can make something new. And I think that’s such a wonderful message

I could yap about them all day. They’re one of my favorite ships ever, and are very special to me bc they were the first pairing I ever shipped :)