cryptic--writing

[cryptic--writing]

Hiya 👋🏻

It’s not really a kinktober request, but maybe you’ll consider doing it? No pressure though))

Ajaf era James, where he was drinking a lot. He understands that that affects him and turns him into a monster. He’s afraid he’s going to hurt reader, but he can’t break up with her for her safety, he loves her too much. So he comes up with stupid plan of making her break up with him because of his behavior? So he starts to undermine her efforts, e.g. the meals she cooks “could have been better”; makes fun of her simple 9-5 job , saying that’s she lucky she can have a relaxed job cause he’s earning most of the money and covering the bills. Although she’s hurt, she is staying as she loves him and thinks it’s the alcohol talking. James, realizing his plan doesn’t work, makes the final move: after they have sex one evening, he tells her that groupies do a much better job. That’s too much for her to take so she leaves him.

Unfortunately, after break up he feels even worse. Lars is worried so he interrogates him, and drunken James confesses. So Lars finds reader and locks her in the studio with James for them to reconcile (can we have smut here)?

Few weeks later when they start recording black album, James plays her a song (which will become nothing else matters), saying that it’s his way of telling everyone how much she means to him?

I’m sorry I can’t write short asks 🥲🥲🥹🥹

You are a great writer so I really hope this will become a story 🙏🏻

hihi!

and omg its here. took me 9 days to write it lmao but yeah

i cant explain how much I loved this idea pls marry me annon

also ~~~ means POV change (yes there is James and reader pov)

this fic has legit everything so I hope y'all enjoy it bc I busted my ass on it

some parts may be confusing idk

anyways

word count: 10623

warnings: mentions of achohol/drugs, death is mentioned, toxic relationship, break up, angst, smut, fluff, I'm prob forgetting smth

OR SO I THOUGH (1989)

It had been a rough couple months with James. I felt determined to help him with his only worsening alcoholism, though he only continued to shut me out. I could feel the guilt when he was around, but it didn't make him stop. I tried, I really did, encouraging him to talk to me, to help me help him. 

It was the same sad scene every night. James would come home, probably around midnight, and I couldn't sleep without him next to me, so I was up, all those hours, wondering as I tossed and turned as to where he might be. All I knew is I was in for a scary time when he got back, but I eventually grew tough skin to deal with this.  Understood that this wasn't safe for me, or him, and I stressed that so, so much to him, but James never understood. Well, he never told me he did. Maybe there was more going on in his heart I never knew about. But, of course, I could never discover as he would always close himself off so much.

It was another day where the cycle would repeat. I woke up at three am to the sound of James stumbling in, mumbling something under his breath before he plopped down on the bed beside me, and I knew well enough to hold my tongue, to not provoke him. I pretended I was asleep, which he believed, trying, or at least I think he was trying, to snuggly up next to me, but he had his back to me. His arms weren't around me. Maybe that's all I yearn for now, to be loved and held.

Once I could finally go back to sleep, I was awoken not much later by the sound of my blaring alarm. It was seven am, time to get ready for work. James is a heavy sleeper, he never woke up from my alarms, though I always rushed to turn them off, just in case they would wake him. Slipping out of bed with a groan, I observed his sprawled out body, his shoes still on. I'm glad he made it to the bed this night, as others he would end up on the couch, or in his car, or somewhere I had no idea of.

I pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, like a mother caring for her ill son on a school day. I slipped off his shoes, trying to get him more comfortable. I scurried towards the closet to grab my work clothes for the day before getting changed in the bathroom and rummaging through our medicine cabinet, finding some pain killers and then getting him a cold glass of water, leaving the items on our bedside table. I paused to watch over him as he slept, his slow, steady breaths that rose and fell from his chest. I loved him too much to change this lifestyle. I loved every part of him, and if this was part of him, then so be it. I'll help him get better. He loves every part of me, no matter what, right?

Or so I thought.

I slipped on my heels, walking into our messy kitchen, the sink filled with unwashed dishes James was supposed to do. But, he isn't well, so I must do them for him. After washing the dishes, I brewed coffee, poured myself a cup and left some for him and began to make breakfast. James had been off lately, different to how he already was off, but that slowly became part of our normal, so one new change did not stick out too much, but this one did. I don't know what it is. He just felt… lifeless, cold, I guess. I decided to make one of his favorite breakfast meals, a nice, warm and fluffy stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon, cooked just the way he liked it. I spent extra time trying to make it the best I had. I knew they would probably be cold by the time he woke up, but hopefully he'd appreciate my effort. I ate some eggs before scrambling for a notepad, getting a pen to write him a sweet good morning note, explaining I was at work, when I'd be home, how much I loved him, and where the other meds were if he needed them. I wrote these notes almost daily, but this one I made longer and more love filled. I figured he would want my love.

Or so I thought.

I came home around six pm, the evening traffic being worse than usual. Instead of seeing James' car out of the driveway and the house dark, he was still home. The soft sound of the TV buzzing was easy to hear as I unlocked the door, walking in to see him on the couch, leaning against the couch arm and holding his head up with his hand. He was too engrossed in whatever he was watching to nice me walk in, so I tried to have him notice my presence.

“Im back, Jamie,” I said softly to not startle him, my voice filled with love as I moved to sit next to him, he looked over at me, like a confused puppy. “How are you feeling?” I asked, gently stroking his back, though he moved from my touch.

“Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm fine. Busy right now, yeah?” He mumbled as a response as he resumed watching TV once more, brushing me off with his simple, cold words. I knew I had to respect his space and not probe at him, so I just nodded with a sigh and got up, slipping off my shoes and setting my bags down,

“Are you hungry?” I asked, digging through the fridge to get things to make dinner. He didn't answer. “James, are you hungry? I can make dinner,” I offered again, noticing the cleared plate that I had made him for breakfast, the note missing. I assumed he threw it away, just like the others. I never saw them in the trash cans, but after everything piles up, you can just assume. I heard James sigh from the couch, “Uh, yeah, sure, whatever. Breakfast was cold, so I threw most of it away anyways,” He admitted, and I felt a small ache in my heart. I thought he liked the dish since there was none left on his plate, but clearly he proved me different. Why I even put effort in these things, I don't know. THats a lie, I do. I love him, and want him to know it, to feel it. I should’ve been doing this as part of my own insecurities, but to make sure he knows I'm there for him, always.

I thought of what to make for dinner, seeing if he had eaten anything since breakfast, only finding empty beer bottles and a half eaten bag of chips. It was probably only the alcohol making him act like this. I decided to make steak with potatoes, something he normally liked and said I made pretty well. It was easy to make, and I know it was one of his favorites I made him, but normally I would wait for a bigger step in life, like celebrating something about the band, or something in my career, but I knew he deserved it still.

I finished after 45 minutes, preparing the plate to be gorgeous, something I wish I could hear from his lips for once. But, he loved me. I know he thinks I'm gorgeous, he wouldn't have to tell me. Right?

“Jamie, the food's ready, I made steak,” I said warmly with a smile, setting a dinner table for us. I didn't get a response, just a grunt as he stood from the couch and walked his near empty bottle of beer, finishing it off and grabbing another from the fridge. I sat at the table, waiting for him to come and join me. His eyes landed on the plate, pulling out the chair to sit down. I couldn't read his emotions, he didn't look too happy, but he didn't look mad. He just looked.. plain. James grabbed his fork and began to eat, the metal scraping against the porcelain plate, waiting for his nod of approval. It never came. He didn't talk, but not in a way like he was mad. He just didn't speak. But he didn't need to, he didn't need to say the things I knew already. I took a breath and began to eat, and it might've been one of the best I had cooked in awhile. Perfect tenderness, juiciness, seasoning, and cooked perfectly, something you could get at a restaurant, now in our home. 

“What do you think, baby? I think it's pretty good, no?” I inquired, seeking the validation I craved from him. He just shrugged.

“It's fine, I guess. It could've been better.”

It shouldn't have hurt. It really shouldn't. He just didn't like the dinner I cooked. The dinner I poured my time into. The dinner I made was special. Special for him. But, what did I know? I doubt he meant it. That's why it definitely shouldn't have hurt. He was drinking. ITs just the alcohol making him act like this. He would never say something like that to me. Why did tears prick at my eyes. Why did it actually hurt?

“Oh, uhm…. I'm sorry, I'll do better next time, do you want me to make you something else..?” I choked out, fighting back my tears.

“No, don't waste your time making something mediocre, yeah?” James insisted, insulting me bitterly once again.

I took a shaky breath, another sting to my heart. Hes. Drunk. This can't be what he means, right?

Or so I thought.

“Alright, uh, do you wanna cuddle on the couch..? We can watch anything you want? Or not watch anything, just sit together.” I offered again, pleading to get love from my partner.

“I was probably gonna go to bed. You mind cleaning up?” He pushed me away again, and every word stung. I want him to see me, to notice me, just to love me. But I reminded myself again and again, he's drunk, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it. I'm just being sensitive and pathetic. Maybe it's just my hormones.

I nodded, forcing a smile, “Sure, yeah, go ahead and  go to bed, I'll clean up and join you in a bit, ok?” I informed him and he just nodded and got up, walking to the bedroom, still carrying his battle with him. My eyes stung, and once he was out of sight, I felt tears streak my face, but I continued to fight them away. I quickly got up to clear James’ and my own plate, then  cleaning the kitchen, washing everything with great care to keep it tidy.

I came into the bedroom, James half asleep under the sheets. His hair was astray as he slept near the edge, his limbs tight together. The now empty beer bottle sat on the nightstand, another reminder of James’ habits. I glanced around before getting changed into my sleep clothes, a nice little night dress James had gotten me for Valentines Day earlier that year. It was nice and pink with some fluffy pieces at the bottom and lace dancing across it. It flowed nicely and hugged my body in the right places, going down to a bit above my knees. It had some other pieces, like stockings and a garter. In reality, it was more so lingerie than a bed set. But, it was one of James’ favorites for me to wear. Maybe this would make him open up more, or just show me the love I'm craving. I crawled in beside him, though I doubt he noticed the weight accompanying him, trying to cuddle closer, pressing myself against his back.

“Jamie?” I asked softly, kissing the back of his head.

“Hm.” James answered in a sleepy tone, barely aware of my presence.

“You doing ok? You've been acting differently…” I kept a quiet tone, my hands gently running down his arms and back as I pondered on what may be hurting him so much.

He took a deep and large breath, sighing, “Yeah, I'm fine… why do you ask..?” James mumbled in response.

“Nothing, you just seem off, I guess,” I rushed out. I didn't want to upset him, but he just seemed so soft and sweet, something I hadn't seen from him awhile.

“Oh, well, alright then… love you..” He mumbled out, slowly succumbing to sleep after saying the words I knew were true.

Or so I thought.

The office today was exhausting. Absurdly exhausting. And infuriating. A stuck up and snotty boss whos full of himself ordering me around to do his mundane dirty work, my co workers giving me side glances of judgment for my more rushed than normal appearance, not having as much time this morning as I had to help James with yet another hangover, getting him to the bathroom in time before he painted our bed green in vomit, making him some foods to keep him comfortable and having to buy more pain killers, my 3rd trip this month, all before heading to work. All I wanted was to come home, sleep, relax, and be held by the love of my life. 

As simple as an office job 9-5 may seem, how it is not. No one else wants to do their own work, always needing some kind of assistance, and of course, I none the wiser, agree to help them.

It was another late evening with heavy traffic, not allowing me to come home until seven, again. I had stopped at the market, grabbing food and other supplies we were running low on. And more beer. 

The door to the house was locked, something that had been happening more and more as I came home, only growing worries on James' worsening habits, the idea of drugs coming to mind, but I tried to shake it from my head, just wanting a nice time at home. 

I unlocked the door, the house quiet except for the soft strum of a guitar in James’ mini studio, which was just an extra bedroom we had turned into a spot for him to store his instruments and for his practeing. We hoped one day for it to become a nursery, a room for our future child.

I followed the music, the half open door allowing me to peek at James, hunched over one of his explorers, fiddling with the strings as he danced around the fretboard with his talented fingers. I smiled at the sweet sight, slowly entering the room.

“Whatcha working on?” I asked, announcing my arrival home. James looked up at me, at first a smile on his face, but he quickly dropped it. His actions only confused me further.

“Uhm, not much, just… a couple riffs and stuff for the new album..” He answered, still picking at the strings with something unreadable in his eyes.

I nodded, smiling at him, “It sounds good, I'm excited to hear it,” I responded before speaking again, “Work was so exhausting today, I don't know how I put up with it anymore,” I said with a laughy sigh, trying to lighten the statement.

James just shrugged. “I mean, I don't really see how a nine to five can really be that tiring,” He disputed, but his tone sounded unsure, shaky like how it did when we first met. But there was a force, an anger of some kind.

I was even more lost with his shift in attitude, “Well, what do you mean? You don't work one, you wouldn't know,” I argued back with more aggression than I meant.

“Yeah, I don't work one. Your job is light and relaxing feather work compared to the shit I do. You are out doing twelve hours a day for months on end at a studio, being out for a year just to tour and shit, you don't make anything working that job, I'm the one paying the bills with my money.” James spat, cold and bitter. His words rung in my ears, repeating each syllable like a painful stab. My brain scrambled for reasons to understand his reaction and response to my complaint of work.

James' piercing blue eyes still starred up and me, my mouth agape in shock. Why would he act like this? He loved me. He just told me he did the other week before we went to bed. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. What is wrong in his life that I don't know about, that he wont tell me about.

My eyes scanned the room, searching for anything that might explain this behavior of his. Truly, anything that would help explain such a swift and sudden change in his mood, but deep down ZI knew, I was just looking for bottles, cans, cups, glasses, anything that would contain the fizzy and bitter liquid he loved. The only thing I could find was a half empty bottle, freshly opened next to the chair he sat in. That's it, that's why he's acting like this. He's just drunk. He doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it.

Or so I thought.

Even with my new found reasoning, his words still hurt a great amount, the pain struggling to leave. A simple insult, just telling me how I don't work as hard as him, that my job isn't as crucial as his. I took a breath, trying to control and reign in my emotions before I could meltdown in front of him for such a stupid reason. Drunken words, not filled or backed by any true thoughts. Right?

But they do say drunk words are sober thoughts.

“I- well,” I tried to speak, but I couldn't come up with the words. What would I say? I didn't want to make him any more upset than he seemed to be, but I didn't want to submit to him so easily, especially after such disrespect. But I knew better. I don't lash out, I keep him happy. We will work this out together, we have to.

“I'm just gonna go to bed,” I muttered under my breath, fighting back tears that needed to spill out, James rude comments only adding fuel to the fire that had been burning in me all day. Not a fire of anger, passion or desire, but a fire of hurt. Once I shut the bedroom door behind me silently, I broke. The bottle shattered, and my tears overflowed my face, covering my mouth as I cried, trying to calm myself down as I got ready for bed at such an early hour, even forgetting to make James something for dinner.

It was my day off, a relaxing Saturday I could use to have some me time, as James was gonna be out with the band all day as the brainstormed for the new album, which was still taking its baby steps into production, nowhere near any concept for songs yet. At Least that I knew of. 

James had been really tense this week, and I had tried everything to get him to relax and cheer up. Taking him out to his favorite restaurants after I came home, making him home cooked meals, getting him gifts and all things. Though there was one thing I hadn't tried. Sex.

I spent all day dolling myself up, wanting to be as bare and beautiful as possible for James. I shaved everywhere, leaving not a single trace of hair anywhere except for my head,, of course. I scrubbed every nook and cranny of my body, putting on James’ favorite set we bought together, doing my makeup just the way he liked it, lighting the candles he got for my birthday, and dousing myself in his favorite perfume I owned. All the lights were out, except for the lowlights of the candles in the bedroom. I laid on the mattress, waiting for James to come home, hoping this would finally get him to unwind from his stress.

I heard James’ keys jingle in the door, and I could feel myself getting more and more excited for his arrival. This would be one of the few times I would have him sober, as when they worked on material they rarely drank or did anything crazy, thankfully. His shoes thudded on the wooden floors, a sigh escaping his lips as I heard him slowly walk towards the bedroom.

“Are you home?” He called out to me before approaching the bedroom door, taking in the sight of me and the room I had spent the evening preparing for this moment.

“Hey baby,” I mused with a smirk, looking up at him with loving eyes. His eyes met mine, looking warm for the first time in awhile.

“What's all this for?” He asked,  still taking in the well decorated bedroom and my sexy form.

“Wanted to help you relax… you've been so stressed,” I replied, grabbing his hand to try and bring him closer, to get into the bed with me.

It didn't take much more conniving, and James had given in pretty quickly to my offer. He was being more loud than normal, probably because we hadn't had the chance to be intimate like this in awhile. I loved this so much. Well, I loved being close to James again. He wasn't hitting the right spots or focussing on pleasuring me much, but that's fine, he's the one who needed to relax anyways, and I have enough time on my hands if I wanted to please myself, I guess. It didn't take long for him to come, pulling out and painting himself on my abdomen and my breath labored, coming down from…. Well, not an orgasm, but being close to one. James was beat after that, and I don't blame him for that. He had been so busy recently, I was happy we just got to share a moment like this together again. 

I laid close to him under the sheets as we both recovered, James already half asleep. I had his hand in mine, kissing each knuckle of his and more, pouting all of my love into that moment. I looked up, having felt James’ eyes on me for a while. I met his blues, and there was a slight guilt in them, a gestation and regret. But, it didn't last long as he blinked it all away, taking another breath. 

“How are you feeling now? Did it make it any better?” I asked, my voice heavy with sleep as I lazily continued to press kisses to his hand.

“I mean, yeah, I guess… It wasn't like, amazing though… I've had better, normally the groupies can do a bit more than that, y’know?” James said cooly, acting as if the words he just said didn't mean anything and had no weight to them.

“What?” Was all I could muster out, the tears already filling my eyes as I tried to process all of this.

“You heard me, the groupies normally do better.” 

The words came so normally from his mouth, as if he was just telling me the date and time. But no, he was comparing me to prostitutes, previous women he has slept with. I began to cry, not just out of hurt and sadness, but this time anger. How could he say something like that to me?

And then the worst part hit.

He was sober.

Something I would've wanted more than anything else just a few days ago is now what is causing this experience to be even worse than it is with the horrible comparison and insults James had spewn at me. He meant it. Alcohol was toying with his brain, making him into the aggravated man I had grown to know quite well over the years.

“Are… are you serious? After everything? I put myself through hell to deal with this, to go to work, to do EVERYTHING for you! I have tried so hard James. And Yet you still compare me to them?! Sluts with prices on their heads?!” I cried, anger and hurt filling the fire in my eyes, and I could swear I saw Jamw\es’ cold attitude falter for just a moment. Maybe it was what I was hoping for, that it was all an act, that he truly did love me deep down, but maybe he didn't. Maybe this is the truth I had been hiding from all these months.

James didn't res;ond, just sighing with a shrug.

That's what pushed me over the edge.

“Are you fucki ng serious? You're not even gonna try and fight for this? Get out of here! We're done. Since you don't appreciate anything I do for you nowadays, I don't want you in here anymore. Pack your shit and leave.” I cursed at him as I continued to sob, processing the moments that passed, feeling as if the earth was slowing, each second hitting me hard and heavy.

I could see a slight guilt in James’ eyes, and as much I wanted to believe it was true, I couldn't give it in myself to do that anymore. I couldn't keep living this lie. He nodded, staying silent as I cried, slipping on his clothes and grabbing some things he'd need for the night.

“I loved you because you loved me, or so I thought you loved me, truly you don't give a shit!” I called out again, hearing James breath hitch at my harsh words, but he just left. No goodbye, the final words spoken to us only filled with hate and hurt, though millions went unspoken.

— —- — —> A FEW MONTHS LATER…

Not a lot has happened since I broke up with James, but a lot has changed. Maybe for the better. I miss him terribly, but a lot of weight is off of my shoulders now. I'm no longer worrying about having to make elaborate meals for him, or to do everything in my power to make him happy as [possible, watching my words at all times to make sure I wont say anything that might upset him. It was a large change. The house is still cold like how it was with him, but its a different kind of cold. There is no warmth of another body. Its quiet, no more TV static and laughter or guitar. Work had only gotten more tiring, but I had recently gotten promoted, something I had wanted for a long, long time.

I haven't spoken to James since we broke up. I know he had come by the next day, as when he left that night he only took clothes to last him the night, and when I came home from work, all of his belongings were gone, and his spare key was left on the counter, all of his music gear out of the house, leaving me a now empty room, not to house his guitars, and no longer holding the hopes and dreams of a future child.

Or so I thought all of his stuff was gone.

I came home after work, the house dark and silent, turning on the lights before going into the former music room, which had now become my office for the time being, as I needed one for the promotion, to be able to have a comfortable spot where I could do other work tasks from home. I set down my purse, sitting in my computer chair and sliding off my heels. I saw something in the corner of my eye, something that somehow had never caught my eye all these months. 

An ashtray, repurposed to hold James’ many guitar picks. It was behind a lamp that was in the corner of the room on an end table. There was more than just guitar pics, but one of his rings. Like the ones he always wore on stage, the cool reflective metal that shone brightly under the spotlight. I paused, only having gotten one heel off, so confused as to how I never noticed. I sat in this same chair, facing the same direction, taking my heels off the same each day. I quickly got the other off before walking towards the table, picking up the ashtray, having remnants of cigarette butts and ash, some of which covered the pics. There had to be at least 20 of those pics, I don't know how James could forget such a thing, along with one of his more favorite rings. He wore it when we met, but I never made the connection as to that being the reason he left it. I missed him, yes, but having these almost made it worse. Like the world was teasing me that he is gone, that I won't be able to be held by him again, because he doesnt love me anymore. How I still love him, I don't know. Part of me still wants to believe he never meant any of it, but the chances of that being true is slim now. But, I didn't have the heart to call him, to return them to him. He would have come to get them by now, right? 

I picked up the cold metal, holding it in my hand before slipping it on my ring finger. It was too large, slipping off quite easily. I tried the next, my middle finger, and it fit well enough to not fall off. It felt so wrong to wear, but it made me feel closer to him. I hated it, but I loved it. A little piece of him to be with me always. ‘God, I sound like a wife mourning her husband who died in a war.’ Was all I could think to myself, setting back down the ash tray and taking off the ring before sitting back down in my office chair, trying to shake my head of the matter so I could focus on the important task at hand, work.

I spent about two hours on the assignment before finishing it among other things, now exhausted even further. I stumbled towards the bedroom, changing into my pajama pants and a sleep shirt. Since the break up, I have refused to wear or even look at the clothes sJames had bought me. I didn't feel any desire to wear those things now that I knew he would be the one to see me in them. I never really wanted to wear clothes like that, but knowing he liked it made me like it. Now that he's gone, so is that enjoyment. I layed down on the mattress, sinking down as it swallowed me and the day whole. I had gotten used to the loneliness of sleeping alone, even after having a body next to me for the last four years. Maybe it was an easier adjustment as towards the end it was like sleeping next to no one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last few months are hard to describe. I can't explain it, I really can't. I've never been more lonely in my life, drowning all of my sorrows in the bitter bottles that wasted away each night and day. I've tried putting my energy elsewhere, focusing more on the band than I was earlier, trying to pour my emotions into guitar and lyrics, but nothing works. Nothing matches what I once had. What I threw away. What I ruined. Though, all my life, through all my struggles, there was one thing I learned.

Mask your emotions, hide your turmoil. It's something I had quickly gotten good at from a young age.

Or so I thought.

I went out for drinks with Lars to discuss lyrics and other parts of music for the record, as we normally had for our other productions and everything. We had another few weeks before we went into the studio, where we planned to record for many months, wanting this release to be the best we ever had. 

Before I had even gone out to the bar with Lars, I had already had a few bars at home, or what I had tried to make into my home. It was a home, yeah, but it didn't feel homey. There was no warmth or touch to it to make it seem whimsical or joyful. I know I have a problem, but what is there I can do. 

When I got there, Lars’s car was already outside, and I knew I was late by thirty minutes, having to build up the motivation to leave the house for a reason other than food, so trying to get up and socialize and talk about important stuff was not on my top choices to do.

I trudged in, my eyes darting around for the Danish, who was never that hard to find. And as I expected, I found him somewhat quickly, taking a seat next to him and ordering a drink for myself.

“Hey man, where the fock have you been? Been waiting here ages for ya,” Lars commented with his laugh, sipping on his own drink.

I just shrugged, “Sorry man, there was just…” I tried to think of a reasonable excuse, but none could come to mind. “Traffic, y’know, it gets bad around five or six, all those people getting off of work,” I explained, thinking I was an expert at this facade.

“Alright, whatever you say. Let's get to work now, yeah?” Lars tried to believe me, but it was clear he knew there was something more to what I said. 

I just nodded, “Yeah,” I answered, and Lars took out his notepad where he already had some ideas for songs. The mask was as strong as stone, no way to see in.

Or so I thought.

 Lars looked back to me, a thought popping back in his mind, “Traffic? There's normally not much in this area, I mean before you moved out of that place, shit, traffic was bad, but here? No way,” Lars questioned me, no longer believing a word I had said. 

“Well, I guess it was just different today…” I muttered, “Let's just start now, leave it be,”. Lars agreed reluctantly, and soon we were sharing ideas sas I jotted down lyrics, Lars taking turns as we debated on the new project.

Of course, as we worked, we were drinking. Me more than him, and it was getting me tipsy, and then drunk. Normally we wouldn't get drunk during lyric writing, just a bit.. Wobbly, I guess. We were just reviewing the lyrics for the third song we were jotting up and I had ordered another drink.

“Jesus man, you only focused on drinking? We got shit to do!” Lars complained to me, and I just shrugged. “Sorry, got my priorities here…” I joked, and Lars only gave a pity laugh.

“Is something up? You've been acting weird as hell for the last few months. We barely see you anymore, and when we do, you're late.” He informed me firmly, clearly not wanting to put up with my demeanor much longer.

“I'm fine, didn't I already tell you that?” I responded, and at this point I just wanted to go home. “Well, you can tell me it a million fuckin’ times and that doesnyt mean Ill believe you,” He rebuttled, and I sighed. “So, what's up with you?”

I didn't want to answer, well sober me would've deflected. But drunk me? He doesn't have much of a filter. Who does when they're drunk anyways?

“Nothings up with me, just dealing with shit…” I answered, taking another sip of my drink.

“Ok, well dealing with what?” 

“The breakup, and everything,” I answered, my eyes avoiding Lars’s own.

“Ohh, yeah, I see. What happened anyways? You never went into detail, just saying she kicked you out in the middle of the night. The fuck did you do to her?” He laughed, but the sting of the memories still remained.

“I.. well, I told her she was a shit cook, lazy, didnt work as hard me, and that groupies fuck better,” I admitted. Lars' face changed from a small smile to a look of shock.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah”

“What would make you say something like that?! That's totally messed up!” I knew this would be shocking, especially coming from me to say something like that. But I didn't expect him to be this shocked.

“No, I did it for a reason, I'm not just some asshole! I didn't want to break up with her, and I didnt want her to break up with me, but I knew I had to get her to break up with me. I keep drinking, and it makes me into… I don't know, I'm a different person and I don't want to hurt her. The only option was to force her to break up with me.” I tried to explain, but Lars was quick to respond.

“Only option?! Have you heard of rehab? Getting help? Did she just let you waste away?”

“I didn't want to go to rehab either, and no, she did try to help, but I don't want help…” It was getting embarrassing at this point, showing how weak I had become.

“James, not everything is about what you want! There's things you need to do, but you don't want to. Those are just as important.” He paused, hoping my worlds would process through me as he thought of an idea. “How about this, clean up your act a bit and I'll get her back over here and you can go back to paradise, alright?” Lars offered and I perked up a bit.

“How the hell do you expect her to come back to me after all of that?”

“I never said she'd come back to you, I said I can get her over here, make you guys talk or something.” He corrected me, and I just rolled my eyes.

“Well how are you gonna get her to come here? She probably hates me at this point,” 

“I have my ways, we were closer friends than you probably remember,” Lars’ words didn't help. He could never explain his plan, and that's what always ticked me off about him.

“Fine, whatever, work your midget magic or something,” I muttered under my breath.

“What did you just say to me?” 

“Nothing, nothing, just do whatever it is, alright?” 

“Fine.”

— — — — > A WEEK LATER…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time moves slow these days. But not in a bad way, it was nice that life was hitting the breaks a bit instead of the pedal. Though, that joy wouldn't last long.

I sat in my office chair at work, working on some papers my boss had handed me a few minutes ago. He was giving me stack after stack after stack of papers today, all coming with my promotion I got a bit back. More money means more work, and more work means more money, so I guess it isn't all too bad in the long run. I glanced up from my paper, eyeing the now double repurposed ashtray, one being made for the intents of cigarette butts, then guitar pics, and now it held my keys and some other trinkets, including one singular guitar pic of James, one of his favorites. 

I was startled out of my thoughts by hearing the office phone ring, quickly reaching to grab it, assuming it was a customer call.

“Hi, this is Capital Advisors, how can I help you?” I offered in a cheery tone, but the voice I heard response was not what I had expected.

“Hey man, look, it's Lars, something happened to James, you mind heading down to the studio?”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Sure, Lars and I were close, but we haven't talked much since James and I’s break up. My words caught in my throat, processing the second half. “Something happened to James? What happened? Is he ok?” Even though he proved himself worthy of a break up, I still couldn't shake my love and worry for him.

“Uhhhh, yeah, no, sure he's fine, but you just needa come to the studio?” Lars rambled, not sure how to keep up his lie.

“Ok, yeah, of course, when do I need to be there?” My mind was racing, Lars wasn't being direct with what happened, so my mind could only think of the worst. He always poland things off to make them not seem as bad as they were. What if James fell and hurt himself? Overdosed on something? Only darker thoughts hit my mind.

“Like, now, this can't wait,” Lars demanded, and I had no choice but to agree.

“Yeah, I will be there as soon as I can, ok? Tell him I’ll be there soon, I don't want him to worry,” I gave in and then Lars thanked me and hung up. 

Now I don't know what to do. My boss wasn't the type of person to just let me leave whenever I want, and I had already promised to Lars I would be there immediately. Though, my worries got the best of me and I quickly began to gather my stuff together. I grabbed my keys and my purse, quickly heading to my boss's office. 

I always hated going in here, it was freezing since the AC was always blasted, and it reeked of musty air freshener. I gently knocked on the door before I heard his baritone voice respond, telling me to come in. I entered, seeing him sitting there, filing papers. 

“Can I help you?” He said in a monotone voice, opening and shutting cabinets.

“Yes, I need to leave, like right now. ITs an emergency, family matter,” I tried to briefly explain, but it didn't take long for him to come up with a new response.

“Emergency? Of what? Is someone dying?” His eyes looked up from his papers, meeting mine as he waited for an answer.

“I… Well, I don't know,” I muttered, and it was true, I really didn't. With Lars’ vagueness, I tru;y didn't have a reason to not assume James was already on his deathbed.

“How can you not know?” He questioned me as if I was stupid, then noticing my pale and shaky look of true worry, “Fine, yes, you can go, but you're leaving three hours early. I want you working those hours back tomorrow. Understood?” He finally made an offer, and I quickly accepted without hesitation.

“Yes, thank you, and I'm sorry,” I responded with a smile and a nod, quickly leaving the office and getting to my car as fast as possible. Lars never specified where exactly the studio was, but I had been there a few times with James to hear them practice and record. I did my best to remember the way there, speeding in some places and having to make a couple U turns to figure out the exact spot. The whole time my head was buzzing, I could not think of one normal reason as to why James would want me there. He clearly didn’t like me much towards the end, even though I still like to think he never meant it and that it was only the alcohol talking, but I was probably wrong. Why did I still care so much after being so wrongfully disrespected? Part of me still loved him. Still wanted to wake up next to him every morning, hear the faint strumming of a guitar whenever I came home from work. Now those days were gone, and never looked like they would return. I still worried for the worst for James, endless horrid possibilities arising in my brain, all trying to piece the puzzle together.

When I finally pulled up, I saw two other cars out in front, not seeing James’ car, assuming Lars gave him a ride and KIrk giving Jason one. No cop cars or ambulances or fire trucks, so he isn't dying, or maybe they already left. Maybe I was too late? 

I quickly got out of the car, almost running to the studio door, knocking until Lars came and opened it for me.

“Hey! There you are, took ya long eno-” Lars was quickly cut off by my own anxieties.

“Where is he? Is he ok? Was I not fast enough?” I quickly voiced out, my eyes darting around the inside and searching for him.

“Yeah, relax. He's fine. He's inside-”

“If he's fine then why did you make me come here from work?! I thought he was dying or something crazy,” I cut him off, questioning his efforts.

“No, none of that, you worry too much. He just wants to talk with you,” Lars answered, and my previous worries and a new suspicion grew in me.

“Just want to talk? Last time I talked with him he was critiquing me! He hates me! He doesn't want anything to do with me!” I voiced the feelings that had been clawing at me for months, never having anyone to tell them to.

“Or so you think. Look, just talk to him, that's all this is, ok?” Lars grew tired of my attitude and clearly I would have to give in soon.

“I want to, I want to talk to him, but I doubt he wants to talk to me,” I responded, trying to further explain my hesitations.

“I just told you that he wants to talk to you! Go in there, please!” Lars pleaded with me, and I sighed, finally agreeing.

“Ok, ok, I will,” I answered, beginning to head into the studio.

“Thank you! He's just down the hall, in that room with the sound equipment and everything,” Lars informed me, and I followed him, seeing James hunched over a table, scribbling down on a piece of paper. My heart was racing now. I hadn't seen him since that night. I didn't know what I would say to him, I was worried what he would say to me.

Then he looked up at me.

His cold, piercing blue eyes, a newfound softness in them as our eyes met. I avoided his eyes, but felt his lingering on me. Lars guided me in, shutting the door behind himself, leaving us alone. I was unsure of what to say, my eyes lingering on the floor, hearing James set down his pen.

“Uh… hi…” He started, probably just as unsure as I was.

“Hi,” I responded back shyly, avoiding his gaze, though I could still feel his own on me. The sound of footsteps approached me, instantly recognizing them as James’, and then I heard a click. Lars had locked us in here, now forced to talk.

“I.. I'm sorry, I really am,” He mumbled, and I looked up at him, seeing a true guilt in his eyes, “I wish I didn't do it, that I didn't say those things, that I didn't make you hurt so much like that… I should’ve been much more, well, mature about it. I feel like shit for everything,” James explained to me, but this only caused me to have more and more questions.  

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice still a hushed whisper as a wave of various emotions crashed down on me. “I had reasons for what I did, I just wish I went about it differently. I wish I had listened to you when you had offered me help. I didn't want to hurt you with my habits, and I couldn't break up with you, I didn't want to be the one to do that, so… so I tried to make you break up with me, and you did. Everything I said, it was a lie. I never meant it. You're a great cook, you work hard, you're just… you're amazing, you're too good for me.” James confessed, and I could feel a bit of the cold melt away, though still a hurt in my heart.

“Then why make me come and tell me all of this? This would only pour salt in that wound, no?” I was still confused at why he would make such an effort, but I still found it touching.

“Because I still love you. I want things back the way they were. I swear on everything, I've changed. I miss you more than anything-” I cut him off with a sweet kiss to his lips, and he melted into me, wrapping his arms around me in a comforting and loving embrace.

After James pulled away, he looked me in my eyes, “How could you forgive me for saying all of that to you?” He began, “Id think you would just… hate me, I was a total jerk,”

“Or so you'd think. I still love you and miss you more than you could imagine,” I responded with a  small smile, and James matched mine, kissing me again. “Can… can I show you how much I've missed you?” James asked in a mumbled tone, clearly a bit embarrassed. My cheeks heated up at his offer and I giggled, nodding as our lips met a third time, a new hunger and desire now displayed. Slowly, he walked me to the table until I had backed up into it, his hands trailing up my sides until we broke away, his lips now going down my neck, eliciting a needy whine from the back of my throat, my hands pulling him closer, snaking under his shirt to trace his skin. 

James’s fingers slipped under my shirt, working to get it off of my head, leaving my neck for only a second to remove the fabric before attaching himself to my sensitive flesh, feeling him suck and nibble, definitely leaving bruises. He gave a more harsh bite, causing me to whimper, then soothing it over with his tongue before pulling away. Soon his gaze focused on my breasts, still confined with my bra. His eyes met mine again, “Can I take it off?” He asked ,already reaching around my back to work on the clasp, which had become an easy task for him. I nodded, and soon the garment was now on the floor with my shirt. The cold air caused my nipples to erect immediately, and James’ eyes were locked on them, cupping the in his hands as he squeezed them and pinched at my nipples, making me make high needy sounds, causing him to smirk, kissing around the soft flesh, teasing me with every movement he made. 

I began to claw at his shirt, trying to take it off of him, so he reluctantly pulled away from my chest, removing his own shirt, giving me a view I had missed more than I care to admit. My eyes dragged slowly over the newly exposed skin, and his lips crashed down on mine again, pushing me back so far I was now laying down on the table, the cold wood causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. I tugged at James’ pants, feeling myself grow wetter at the moment. He slipped down his pants, leaving him in only his boxers as you pulled down my skirt, leaving me in only my panties. I could see the bulge in his final layer grow at the new sight, and then he got on his knees, gripping the sides of my aunties and taking them off in a swift motion, leaving my glistening folds exposed to his hungry view.. His warm lips teased my thighs, kissing around the area I needed him most, making me writhe with desire. Eventually, his tongue found my center, giving it soft licks at first, parting my folds with his tongue. A moan escaped my throat, and James took it as his sign to keep going, burying his face between my thighs. He licked and sucked at my hole, probing at it with his tongue as his nose nudged my sensitive clit. My hand snaked into his long blonde locks, gripping his scalp tightly as I pulled him closer. I could hear him groan into my flesh, causing a vibration to coarse through me, making me moan again as I came closer to my first high. Eventually James moved further up, giving more attention to my aching clit, giving it gentle licks first to tease me before sucking it into his mouth, biting it softly, making me squeal from his ministrations.

“Jamei, fuck, Im gonna cum,” I whined out, tugging on hair harder, causing him to let out another low groan as he continued to feast on me. “Cum for me pretty girl,” He mumbled into my flesh, and like that my orgasm washed over me, a breathy moan falling my lips, feeling my core pulsate , releasing my grip on James’ head, allowing him to pull back.

James chin was drenched in my essence and his spit, some caught in his facial hair, wiping it off on the back of his hand. I dont think Ive seen anything hotter. His eyes landed on mine, and I noticed a lustful darkness in them, kissing me again as our tongues tangled in a battle for dominance, James winning in the end, and soon his boxers were on the ground, both of us bare in front of each other again.

JAmes broke the kiss, trailing his lips down my neck, leaving new hickeys and bruises in his wake as they now peppered my neck. I felt his tip at my entrance and I squirmed, his lips leaving my bruised flesh. “You ready, baby?” He asked, taking my hand in his, and I nodded, feeling him slowly push into me, the stretching sensation stinging my insides, a delicious stretch my body had missed as I tried to accommodate his size. Once he was to the hilt, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, squeezing his hand tightly.

I gave him a look of a need, and he gook note, slowly beginning to pump his hips, untwining our fingers as he positioned himself with better support, placing his arms on either side of my head. With every thrust a moan escaped my throat, tears pricking at my eyes from the pleasure. “Fuck, you’re so tight… haven't had anything since me, hmmm?” James whispered to me, and I could only whine in response, his calloused fingers sneaking down to my clit, brushing the bud lightly with the pad of thumb, and I began to squirm around his cock, feeling his thrusts increase with speed, more grunts falling from James.

The table I laid on creaked beneath from our frevorus movements of need, completely forgetting we were still in the studio. The band was still in that studio. This room wasn't for recording, very little sound blockers. Anyone in this building could hear us. The thought didn't pass my mind once throughout the whole experience, only focused and becoming closer with James once again, not just in body, but in our connection reforming with every minstration from either of us.

James' thrusts grew relentless, only increasing the pleasure for both of us as he chased his own high, helping me with mine, continuing to toy with and stroke my clit, moans and whines leaving me with any movement he made. “So pretty like this, baby, taking me so well,” He groaned, his small grunts and moans filling my ears like sweet music. I began to buck my hips, knowing that my orgasm was approaching, James not far behind, his vocal expression of pleasure growing in number and volume, mixing with my own mewls and moans, that and the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room, my nails clawing his back.

My eyes began to roll back, James’ name falling from my lips a thousand times as my legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull him deeper to finally bring me to edge. James noticed and thrusted harder, hitting that special spot with every movement, making me have to cover my mouth with my hand, the unholy noises escaping me growing too loud for us to stay secret. James disapproved, “Mmmm, don't do that baby, let me hear you cum around my cock,” He cooed, and that was all the encouragement I needed to come over the edge, a high pitched moan coming from me, feeling my walls clamp down on James’ length, pulsating as waves of pleasure cascaded over me. James helped me ride through it, still rubbing my sensitive nub, his thrusts losing rhythm as he approached his own high.

“Fuck, sweetie, gonna cum inside you…” He grunted, his pace increasing as his movement became erratic with pleasure. “Take it, take it like a good girl, baby,” He moaned, his load shooting deep inside of me and painting my walls white with his seed. His hips sputtered, bucking into me as he collapsed on top of me, our sweaty foreheads clinging together as we both recovered from the intense orgasms, trying to catch our breath. James pressed soft, lazy kisses around my face, reminding me how much he loved me and how he'd never hurt me again if given the chance.

After a moment, we both had come down from our highs, James’ softening member sliding out of me with a pop. He looked down at the mess between my thighs, all evidence of our pleasure with each other. “Youre fuckin’ perfect,” He muttered, his eyes dragging over me.

“Are the groupies still better?” I teased him, remembering our bickering that was one real, or so I thought it was real fighting.

“Oh, hell no, they don't stand a chance to this,” He responded with a smile, and I smiled back.

We cleaned up, slipping back on our clothes so we were somewhat presentable. Only now did the realization that we were never once alone in this studio and the rest of the band was outside had hit me. A wave of embarrassment flowed over me, my cheeks flushing even more than they were before given the previous activities. Both James and I looked quite disheveled, our hair a mess and clothes wrinkled. I tried to shake off whatever nervousness I had in me as James put his arm around me. We went to reach for the door handle, only to find out it was still locked. Now it would be even more awkward. James knocked on the door from the inside, calling out to Lars, or anyone else in the studio.

“Guys? Lars? Can someone unlock the door?” And it wasn't long before footsteps approached, hearing a key click as the door swung open, Lars, more curious than ever eyed both my own and James’ appearance, noticing the hickeys, the slight wobble I gave, and any other imperfections that we might have displayed.

“I take it you two worked things out?”

— — — — > A FEW WEEKS LATER…

It had taken some time, a lot of talking, and more than just one hook up for James and I to work out any other issues that we had with each other. We met up a lot in the recent weeks after that, discussing different ways on how to help James with his drinking, and just trying to regain eachothers trust.

Soon enough though, James had moved back in with me. I kept my office space, but now the room was split in two halves. I worked in one half, while James did his guitar work in the other half. It was a fairly large room, so we both had our own spaces and rarely bothered each other. If I had a work call or anything that required silence, James would just migrate to the living room.

It was the same old schedule we had all those months ago, and I was now returning from work. It was Friday, now I would have plenty of time to relax and be with James. I pulled into the driveway, parking and getting out of my car as I walked up to the porch, the click of my heels following my steps on the cement. The lights were on, the door unlocked. I could hear a faint strumming coming from inside, meaning James was hard at work on new material for the album. It was my favorite thing to listen to while doing work assignments at home.

I walked in with a huff, setting down my purse and keys on the counter before heading to the shared office space. James wasn't playing much, just sounded like scales and chords for his warm ups. “How was work, baby?” James greeted me, still focused on his guitar. “It was a bit tiring, but it was good. I think my boss is starting to like me,” I answered, settling into my chair. He nodded in response, going back to fiddling with the strings.

It wasn't until a little later a soft, sweet and melodic tune had hit my ears. Much different than what Metallica normally plates. James hummed along to it, almost like he had lyrics already written out. But knowing him, he probably did.

“What are you playing? It sounds really nice,” I started, listening to a few more notes before continuing, “It's not what you guys normally play,” I commented, and James let out a deep hum in response. “Just something new I'm working on,” He replied, and I nodded, getting back to work.

Only this time, I couldn't focus. Normally James’s music helped me to focus, becoming a comforting background noise. This time though, I couldn't get my mind off of that melody. He kept going, and each second I kept getting more and more captivated by it. 

“That songs really pretty, I like it,” I said, scribbling down whatever notes I couldnt on a piece of paper. “Thanks, it's actually, uhm..” He trailed off, and I knew something was up. I spun around in my chair, going to face him. “It's what?” I asked, confused by his shy demeanor. 

“It's called ‘Nothing Else Matters’,” He stated, finally stopping picking at the strings. “Nothing Else Matters?” I repeated, connecting whatever the lyrics might be in my head to the melody. Normally their slower, melodic songs were dark and heavy topics, so I expected the same with this one.

“Yeah,” James answered, “I wrote the lyrics about you, actually,” He muttered softly, though I still picked it up. “About me?” I questioned, slightly shocked. “Yeah… I've thought a lot about, well, everything recently. Ever since that point a few months back I've reflected and everything… Rumors spread, and I just want everyone out there to get the right idea,” He paused, searching for the right words, “I want people out there to know that you're all I care about, you mean more than the world to me, and I want everyone to know that,” He stated, his tone true and emotional. I had never heard him say sweeter words to me, and I knew that he was speaking nothing other than the truth, I could see it in his eyes, there's a way to read people, and James wasn't easy to read, but you soon could learn the lingo.

“That means a lot to me, Jamie,” I answered, smiling at him. I got up from my chair to sit next to him on the couch, leaning against him. “Thank you,” I said, kissing him on the cheek. “You don't need to thank me, sweetheart,” James responded, wrapping his arm around me.

And now, I knew my whole world was whole again. What was once hatred, or so I thought was hatred, was once again love, everything as it should be.

[cryptic--writing]

at 9k words rn. whoever sent the AJFA James req with the angst marry me now

will probabky be done by friday

[cryptic--writing]

HAPPY BIRHDAY KIRKKKKKKK

ITS KIRKS BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIRK WE LOVE YOUYUY😭😭❤️❤️

[cryptic--writing]

this fic is now my longest its over 6k words lmao, I'm guessing it will be around 8.5-9k when I'm done

[cryptic--writing]

chat I'm only like a little over half way done with that fic and I think its gonna be my longest lmao, its at 4308 words rn sooooo

still like half of the req isn't done yet but it'll be worth the wait I hope

[cryptic--writing]

hihi sooo uhhhhhhh I'm gonna write like a giant fic that's been in my inbox for about a month so it will be delayed bc its such a good req but has A LOT

also ty to all the reqs!!! just bc I haven't written ur req, doesn't mean it wont be written, many of them do get written :)

[cryptic--writing]

hihi!!!

tumblr deleted the original request so I'm sorry but here's the fic about Dave and the kid and the mm and Dave doesn't know how to parent uhh yeah

THANK YOU KAY MY LOVEW FOR POSTING THIS OH MY GOD

anyways

word count: 1560

wanrings: none just fluff

PARENTHOOD (1995)

I knew that after the day we left the hospital, nothing would be the same. And not in a bad way, of course. But in a way that would be new, something neither Dave nor I were properly experienced in.

Well, maybe I was a bit more than him. I spent many of my highschool years babysitting and the majority of pregnancy reading books on how to care for a baby properly, and also going to new mom classes when I could. With Daves intense touring schedule, he obviously didn't have the time. And given his upbringing, he didn't have a normal childhood, running away from his own father so much, he didn't even know how dads should be.

The car ride was quiet, despite the soft sounds of our newborn daughter breathing as she slept. Dave was driving, I was too exhausted. That doesn't mean he was full of energy, though. He was probably just about as tired as I was, stressing himself too much on how to be a dad. His glasses were slumped to the bottom of his nose as I was nodding off in the passenger seat. He was consistently looking in the rear view mirror to make sure our baby girl was ok, not needing anything or crying like she had for hours on end.

Fussy was the perfect word to describe her still blooming personality.

Eventually we got home, and even though he was doing everything right, Dave was truly trying his best for someone who was a first timer to something so complex as parenthood. He was constantly asking me how to do certain things, how to make her stop crying, just wanting our little one to be as content and comfortable as possible. We would have peace for about an hour, and then she would start crying again. 

After a long tussle with her, rocking, burping, feeding, anything to get her to calm and to sleep, she finally started to doze away in her bassinet. Dave watched the closet, and I laid my head back on his shoulder, needing comfort and reassurance. He put his arm around me, guiding the two of us to the bedroom so we could get ready for a much deserved rest. But deep down, he knew he needed reassurance. Much more than I probably did, but he didn't want to seem weak or like a bad father already, at such an early stage in our daughter's life.

Dave helped me slip out of the clothes I was wearing that day, assisting me in putting on my comfortable and cozy pajamas as he readied himself as well, getting into bed next to me. He wrapped his arms around me gently, knowing body was still acting with various pains as I adjusted into my postpartum state. I only snuggled closer to him, enjoying one of the now scarce calm and loving moments we had together.

Then we heard it. The loud, wailing cries of our baby. If someone hadn't known better, they would've thought we were torturing her with how loud she was. I groaned and tightened my grip on Dave, who seemed to have already been awake. Why wouldn't he have gone to tend to her?

“Davie…. Can you go deal with her…? Please…?” I muttered in my sleepy state. It was sometime around three in the morning, my feet swollen and in so much pain I didn't feel like walking.

Dave almost seemed stunned by the question, like a deer in headlights, shocked. He mumbled an ‘uhmm’ for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, uh, sure, of course, baby. You just rest.” He mumbled, seemingly nervous or scared for what might happen. I loosened my hold on him, allowing him to get up and check on our daughter.

When Dave walked in, there she was, writhing and squirmed as she cried and cried. He stood in the doorway for a moment, almost as if she was a foreign species. Slowly he made his steps closer, not wanting to startle her. He gently scooped her in his arms, being very slow and meticulous with his movements so as not to harm her, making sure her neck was propped up perfectly. He shushed her, still trying to learn what each special cry meant as he gently bounced and rocked her in his arms. 

Did she need a new diaper? No, she didn't feel wet. Did she need to be burped? No, she hadn't been fed yet. Fed. She was probably hungry. She hadn't been fed yet. Dave had fed her a few times in the hospital, the nights where I was far too weak to get up and feed her. As much as he loved being near our girl, he was more scared than anything that he'd mess up. Balancing her in his arms, he reached for one of the bottles of milk we had set out for her, kept in a bottle warmer to keep it at a good temperature for her enjoyment. 

“Alright, sweetie, you need your bottle?” He cooed in a whisper, gently placing it into her open mouth as she refused to try and drink from it, contouring to cry as she failed her little arms and legs around.

“Please? Just drink a little bit…” Dave begged, still trying to feed her as she kept being reluctant. He sighed, setting down the bottle and placing the baby back in her bassinet. The cries rang through the quiet and echoey house, and eventually Dave called out to me.

“Honey? Can you come in here?” Dave gave in as a last resort, hoping that the instincts of a mother may do better than one of a dad who feels more lost than he ever had been.

I groaned and grumbled, my body aching but I knew Dave needed help. I slowly sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, stepping into my slippers as I trudged to the nursery room, seeing long, gingery locks in the door frame as I put my hand on his shoulder for a bit of stability. “What's wrong? Is she ok?” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes as I tried to wake up a bit.

“I don't know, she wont drink her bottle, maybe I'm doing something wrong..?” He mumbled out a worry, his eyes darting from her to the floor, avoiding me.

I nodded, sighing myself, grabbing our girl and her bottle, cradling her as I cooed before giving her the bottle, which she fought a bit at first, but soon she quickly welcomed the bottle, sipping down the warm liquid as her cries slowed. Dave stood behind me, somewhat surprised but also ashamed. “What are you doing that I'm not?” Dave's hazel eyes rested on her contended and tear streaked face, wanting nothing more than to improve as a dad.

“Did you cradle her properly?”

“Yeah”

“Did she need to be changed?”

“No”

“Did she need to be burped?”

“No”

I paused, trying to think of what could be so different from me to Davwe trying to feed her. Maybe it was just a mothers touch. “Does she not like me?” His mind clouded with the worries, his infant daughter already hating him at only a few weeks old.

“No, of course not. She loves you. She's just a baby, that's all.” I reassured Dae, seeing she had finished her milk, I set down the empty bottle and began to burp her, which she quickly burped, and now was ready to fall back asleep. “She's also just really fussy, it's not you, it's her.” I kept trying to reassure him, but the worry couldnt leave his face. I set her down in the bassinet, getting her cozy before watching her slowly drift asleep. 

“Is something wrong?” I asked Dave, my voice soft and gentle, to comfort him and not wake her. He nodded, and began to walk back to the bedroom, and I followed him. “Baby, what's on your mind? You seem so stressed.” I inquired, watching Dave sit on the edge of the bed as his shoulders slumped. I sat next to him, gently stroking one of his strong arms.

“I don't know, I just feel like I'm not doing enough as a dad. Like I'm just… I don't wanna fail her, I wanna be the best, but…” He trailed off, but I still knew what he meant.

“There's nothing to worry about. She's so young, she won't remember any of this. She loves you now, and she'll love you later. You are being the best dad possible. It's not your fault you were busy with the band, you were making money for us.” I comforted, kissing his shoulder.

“Yeah, I know.. But still. You make it look so easy, and I look like a fool.” Dave continued to doubt himself again and again.

I smiled softly, wanting to try and lessen the worry he felt. “It's just the touch of a mother. Its maternal instinct. She'll be a daddy's girl when she's older, trust me.” 

Dave gave a small smile back, leaning against me now. “Yeah, I hope so. That'd be nice.” He admitted in a whisper before patting my leg lightly.

“Thank you, I know, it's stupid, but I just don't want to mess up. Ever.”

“Don't worry, you won't.”

And he never did.

[cryptic--writing]

hihi I have like 3 fics ready but Tumblr won tket me post wtf

[cryptic--writing]

more sad (at least to me) then fun- when Dave was kicked out of Metallica they chose James to drive him to the train station and the whole ride was quiet and they kept glancing at each other and when james helped Dave out of the car james was crying and hugged him and told him good luck and that hell miss him

read this in Daves autobiography

METALLICA FANS

i’m begging you to give me your fav lil fun facts about the guys!!!!

i feel like i keep hearing the same old “kirk said he was bi that one time” and “he fawking left the band” and “no warning? no second chance?” yknow what i mean!

gimme your favorite fun fact or quirk in the replies or in my inbox or in the tags!!! i need knowledge!!!!

[cryptic--writing]

hihi brief request beg bc I have about idk I think 12-17 requests but the majority are smut and lowk after doin it FOR A MONTH STRAIUGHT I'm lowk tired of it (yes I will still write smut but let me get some fresh air) so some fluff/angst reqs would be great bc I think 3 of my reqs are not smut :skull:

anyways pls and thank uuuuu

prob no post in this 4 day interval but sometime this week probably

[cryptic--writing]

maybe for kinktober jamie with a virgin reader and he’s trying so hard to hold back and be all gentle for her even though he’s so used to being all rough and stuff with his previous gfs and groupies

also idk why but in my head this is going on on halloween n she’s dressed up like an angel which just sends him over the edge cause she just looks so sweet n innocent ☺️☺️

hihi!! happy Halloween!!!!!!!!!!!!

gonna rush this rant bc Tumblr hates me smh but I changed it up a little bit so its still sweet and stuufff

word count: 3393

warnings: smut, fluff, mentions of achohol/drug use, loss of virginity, kinda confusing bc I wrote it over a course of days but yah

ALL HALLOWS EVE (1989)

I sat at the vanity in my own little apartment, carefully applying my makeup and eyeshadow, all to compliment my gorgeous angel costume I'd be wearing tonight. It was all nice and white with some faux feathers on the skirt on the top of the bodice like top. The skirt went right above my knees, the fabric sparkly and soft. I even had a little angel halo headband and some fake wings. I'd wear a matching pair of white heels to go with the whole look. My makeup was simple, though glittery and pastel. When I was done, I looked like a literal angel. The only thing missing was my other half, James. Even though I consistently pleaded for him to dress up and match with me, he refused, saying he was scary enough going as himself. That disappointed me, sure, but at least I'd still be going out with him.

The thing that disappointed me the most, was this party he was dragging me to. Well, disappointed isn't the right word. I've gone to many parties with James before, but I rarely have fun with them as he goes and drinks with his buddies and I have to just listen to them all talk, the only attention I receive being a  hand on my thigh or his arm on my waist. I hoped tonight would be different, with the halloween spirit maybe adding to the atmosphere this time. I was cut out of my thinking when I heard a familiar knock on my front door, meaning Jasmes was here and ready to pick me up. I grabbed my purse and quickly scurried to the door, opening it to see my gorgeous blonde.

“Jamie!” I smiled excitedly, wrapping my arms around him before pulling back to see a stunned expression from him. This worried me slightly. 

“What's wrong? Do you not like my costume?” I putted slightly, not wanting to disappoint him.

James slowly shook his head no, his eyes still blown wid, “No ,no, it's not that.. You're just.. You're stunning like that, the guys are gonna be all over you…” Hemumbled in slight disbelief, still taking in my perfect costume.

I smiled again, “Thanks! Let's start heading to the party,” I thanked him and suggested, and soon we walked out to his old car, getting in and driving to the house of one of his music friends. I'm not sure if it was another band, a record label person, or a manager, but they were rich. Rich rich. A giant mansion with a gate in front of it is what greeted us as we pulled up in front of the extravagant house, decorated with lights and with music blaring inside so loud you could hear it from out here. The collective cheers and laughs of people outside and inside were also prominent, the noise all quiet overwhelming.

We got out of the car, James quickly came to my side to snake his arm around my waist and hold me near, to ensure I wouldn't get separated or lost in the crowded home. We managed to navigate our way through the groups of people as we walked in, the building reeking of booze and smoke. Eventually James found some guys he knew from ‘way back’. I just did the usual, sitting there and looking pretty as he caught up with his old pals. I looked around the place, seeing different collectives of people engaging in different activities. Some were dressed up for Halloween, others weren't. Some were drunk as hell, some were still slightly sober. If they weren't drunk, they were high. Or getting high, watching people snort coke and smoke weed. I disliked these parties, so much. Not only were they boring, I always thought of them as somewhat dangerous. I knew these activities came with rockstar life, but I never liked seeing James indulge in them. 

I was snapped back to reality as James called my name, his friends asking me a question, which I reluctantly answered. I also found that I didn't really like any of his friends outside of the band. I loved Jason and we had grown close since his three year journey with the band. Of course I got along well with Kirk and Lars, too. I wondered if the rest of the band was here too.

“Jamie, are the other guys here too?” I asked, looking up at his blue eyes that finally met mine after finishing his conversation.

“Uhm, I'm not sure. I don't think so, Kirk is doing his own thing and I have no idea what Jason and Lars are up to,” He quickly responded to me before returning his attention back to his friends.

Great, now I was truly stuck here. I loved being around James, but his friends were the most boring guys. Well, I wouldn't say boring. They partied a lot, and did a lot. They were just not the type of people I wouldn't wanna be around.

After what felt like an eternity, James finally parted ways with his old friends, focussing his attention on me. Tonight felt different. Aside from the whole halloween thing. James seemed different tonight. Ever since he had picked me up, he had been acting differently. More touchy. His hand rubbed up and down my side instead of his arm just resting around my waist. I didn't think much of it though, as it didn't seem like much.

The second those guys were gone, his eyes were glued to me.

“Is something on your mind Jamie? You've been acting funny all night..” I used the pet name for the millionth time tonight, my favorite thing to call him.

James shrugged, “No, you're just really pretty tonight.. I'd rather just spend the rest of the night with you.. Alone..” He whispered the last part, but I didn't catch his meaning. AAll I knew is that meant I would get to leave this party and be alone with James. The only thing I have wanted all day.

“Sure! Lets head back to my place,” I responded with excitement, and James seemed more cheerful. We walked hand in hand back to his car, driving the distance back to my apartment.

The whole drive his hand was on my thigh, which was not unusual, but again, something felt different this time. I felt little butterflies flapping around in me at his more tight touch. I didn't think about it too much, since it didn't seem like much more than my boyfriend being affectionate towards me.

When we got home, he rushed us inside. Once the door was shut, he kissed me instantly. I giggled and kissed him back.

“What's that for?” I teased, but also confused why he couldn't wait for us to even sit down. 

“Just like you a lot..” He answered, kissing me again.

“Jamie, stop, you're smearing my lip gloss!” I giggled again, trying to push him back, and in which he started laughing too.

James stepped back, still laughing slightly. “Ok, o, sorry, didn't mean to. Let's sit down, yeah?” He responded, and soon we were on the couch next to each other watching a scary halloween movie. He had his arm strung around my shoulder as I leaned against him, placing my legs in his lap, keeping us close and comfy together.

We stayed like that for awhile, until I jumped at one of the jumpscares in the movie, causing me to flinch a bit. That's when I felt something. Something poked my leg lightly, and it was  coming from James.

“Jamie, what's poking me?” I questioned him, genuinely confused.

James’ face instantly flushed, his eyes avoiding mine. “It's nothing, baby, dont worry about it.. “ He mumbled in response and pushed my legs off of him.

I was even more confused at his new behavior, “James, what's going on? Is something wrong? ARe you hurt?” I began to worry, maybe he was hiding something from me..

James just sighed, “I don't wanna force you into anything you're not ready for..” He mumbled in response, clearly embarrassed.

This confused me even more. What could he be forcing me into? “Jamie, tell me please.. You're worrying me…” I pleaded with him.

This time he just shrugged, “It's just… you're dressed like that… all pretty and shit.. And you're legs on my lap.. It.. uhm..” James searched for the right words, “It, it turns me on..” He finally admitted. Though, it didn't help much as the term was foreign to me.

“What do you mean it turns you on?” I asked.

“Uhm… it makes me want to… yknow.. Have.. have sex with you.” He muttered in a final answer, and things slowly and somewhat clicked in my brain.

“Oh..” I responded as I tried to understand it all.

“I'm sorry, it's stupid, I shouldn't have said anything, ok? Maybe I should just go.” James responded in a rushed manner, starting to stand up and head for the door.

“Wait, no, stop, why are you leaving?” I quickly questioned, following after him and grabbing him by the wrist so he couldn't go further.

“Home, I made you uncomfortable clearly, and I know that's something you wanna wait on…” He mumbled in a guilty tone, as he truly idd feel remorse for his desire.

“No, Jamie, stay, please?” I asked him, and his eyes still refused to meet mine. “I think I am ready…” I whispered softly into his ear and kissed his cheek, which seemed to set off some alarm in his brain.

“Are you sure? I mean, would you have even suggested that if I didn't like.. Force you into it..? Baby, we really don't have to…” He mumbled again, still feeling guilty.

“I am sure, I was planning on it tonight anyway…” I responded softly. I don't even know if that's true. I wasn't sure about an exact day, but all I knew was soon, and with James.

His eyes slowly met mine, “Are you like, serious? I'm serious, if you don't want to-” I quickly cut him off with a kiss, and that seemed to answer his questions. Slowly he walked me to the bedroom, with him taking the lead and me walking backwards with how he pushed me. I felt his tongue slip in my mouth and things quickly grew more passionate as I opened the bedroom door handle, allowing us inside as he kicked it closed it with his foot, pushing me down on the bed, climbing on top of me, his lips still on mine.

James pulled away from me slowly, his eyes on mine as he slowly removed his shirt before reaching down to help undo and remove my top, leaving me in a white lacy bra as his hands trailed down to my skirt, pulling it down to reveal a matching pair of panties with a slight wet spot on it from my own growing arousal. 

James looked like he would stop functioning, his pupils blown wide as he stared at my heavily revealed form. It made me embarrassed, like I wanted to cover myself up. My cheeks flushed and I tried to look at anything besides James.

“Baby, is there something wrong?” His voice was soft and comforting, his hand reaching up to caress my cheek gently.

“No, nothing wrong,” I quickly answered, “Just… nervous.. That's all..” I answered in a shy tone.

James grabbed both sides of my head so I could look at him, staring into his soft blue eyes I had grown to love. “Ill be gentle, ok? And if you wanna stop, just tell me, we'll go at your pace.” James gently reassured me, and I found comfort in his words as I slowly nodded, and he began to unclasp my bra with ease, sliding it down my shoulders to reveal my bare breasts, my nipples hardening with the cool air of the room.

“Fuck, youre gorgeous, love..” He murmured in amazement, his rough hands gently coughing the soft skin, his thumbs gently grazing my nipples, eliciting a whine from me at the new sensation of pleasure. Before long he wrapped his lips around the pink bud, sucking lightly on the skin which made me moan, arching into his touch as his tongue swirled  around it.

James pulled away with a pop, his lips trailing kisses down my stomach until he reached the waistband of panties, which he removed with his teeth, pulling them down and lifting up my hips, leaving me completely naked and revealed to him. His eyes immediately landed on my damp folds, taking his finger and swiping it through my slit, which caused me to gasp softly at the contact. 

“So pretty…” He cooed, his finger collected my wetness and juices, gently pushing his finger inside me, letting out a moan at the sensations.

“Oh!” I moaned out at the stretch, and he began to slowly thrust his finger in and out of my tight walls before adding a second finger, stretching me further as he prepared me for his cock.

“Holy shit, you're tight as hell…” James mumbled in astonishment, working his fingers in and out of my hole a little faster, building a pace that had me already writhing in pleasure. 

It wasn't long before I could feel myself clamping down on his fingers, a new heat pooling in my lower belly. “Jamie! Feel.. feels funny..!” I moaned, and James kissed my clit.

“Cum for me baby,” He encouraged, and I did just that, gushing and spasming around his fingers, my first orgasm hitting me like a truck, my mouth agape in a moan.

“Fuck baby, that was perfect..” James praised, slowly retracting his fingers, now glistening with my juices which he sucked off.

“Is that it…? I want more…” I mumbled softly, disappointed if this was the end.

James just chuckled, “No, were nowhere near done..” He purred, slipping down his pants to leave himself in just his boxers, which his erection strained against. He removed those as well, now his bare, large cock standing proudly between us, the tip red and dripping. Oh my God. There is no way that is fitting in me.

My eyes went wide with fear but also surprise. It just looked painful, watching him stroke himself a few times before lining up with my entrance.

James could notice the worry in my expression, my brows furrowed with concern. “Something wrong baby? You want me to wait a bit?” He asked softly, gently rubbing my sides as his eyes searched mine for any other signs of hesitation.

“I'm scared, what if it hurts..?” I questioned, my eyes still refusing to meet his.

“It might hurt a bit at thestar, but it'll all go away because you'll feel so good..” He reassured me.

I nodded slowly, my eyes meeting his finally as I assured him I was ready. With that, he slowly pushed into me, inch by inch as I squirmed and whined at the uncomfortable sensation of being stuffed. James kept going slowly until he reached the hilt, bottoming out completely. He stilled inside me, allowing me to stretch and adjust to accommodate him. His hand gently caressed my cheek to provide some comfort.

“Move… Please..” I whispered softly, needing more friction. James hesitated but began to thrust, slowly and gently to not hurt me. I moaned softly with every loving movement of his hips, my walls clenching around him.

“Fuck, youre so tight…” He purred, slowly building a pace as my moans grew in frequency and pitch. I could feel every part of him, his veins and ridges rubbing against my inner walls, my senses highetning along with my pleasure. 

After some time, he was ramming into me, hard and fast, yet with a firm gentleness. James hands were resting under my breasts, holding onto my torso as he watched them bounce from the impact. Tears were forming in my eyes in both pleasure and pain, and soon a  new pleasure was found. James moved one of his hands from my chest down to my clit, rubbing softly yet fast circles on the sensitive bundle of nerves, making me moan even louder.

“Oh my God!” I called out, my back arching in pleasure from the newfound stimulation that made me see stars. The combination of hickok thrusting into me and his hand on my clit , I thought I would explode. I could die happily right now, with the man I love most giving me the best things I've ever felt in my life. Soon thongs were growing to be too much, and I could feel James twitching inside me as his thrust started to lose rhythm, groaning and panting softly as he plowed into me.

“Jamie, I think Im gonna..” I moaned, sensing another release creeping up on me. My walls were fluttering around his length, clamping down tighter and tighter than they already were.

“Fuck! Cum for me, baby….” He murmured in my ear, leaning down to press a searing kiss to my lips, my second orgasm crashing down on me as I moaned into his mouth, feeling him release at the same time as me, his warm white seed spilling into me and filling me to the brim. 

Our sweat foreheads clung together as we both tried to catch our breath, James pulling away from the kiss slowly as our eyes met again.

“You alright? Was it too much?” He was very out of breath, his word\s coming out in pants.

Was I alright? Hell, I had never felt better. Sure, I was a little sore, but I was basking in the afterglow of it all, my pleasure still waving and casting a blanket of comfort over me. I nodded, “Yeah, I'm fine… just a little sore..” I responded, my eyes holding his ice ones. 

“Good, I'm glad..” He responded, kissing me on the cheek gently before pulling out, the new empty feeling causing me to whine softly.

“I'll be back in a second, just gonna help clean us up, alright?” James informed me, and I gave him a silent nod as he went off into my bathroom, scrambling for a wash cloth and putting warm water on it. Soon he returned, nestling between my legs as he delicately cleaned my most sensitive parts. After he was done, he put back the wash cloth before helping me get under the covers and snuggling up next to me, wrapping his strong arms around me as he kissed the top of my head.

“You did so good, baby, I'm so proud of you,” He praised, his face nuzzled in the crook of my neck. All I could respond with was a contended hum before drifting asleep in his ars, feeling purely content and at peace.

[cryptic--writing]

dave mustaine with a spitting kink? 👀

hihi!!!!

kinktober part 4 I think??? not sure

you can NOT tell me Dave doesn't have at least a slight spitting kink... so I hope I did this justice bc I didn't really know what to do

also this is gonna be my last kinktober post besides the Halloween finale- since I got sick last week I wont be able to catch up much (hense this post being super duper short)

anyways

word count:829

warnings: smut, spitting kink, oral, teasing, slight degradation, rough sex

WET (2000)

The sound of soft moans and whines filled the room as Dave sloppily made out with me, our tongues dancing in a pleasureful frenzy that I never wanted to end. He was grinding his clothes by denim erection onto my bare heat, my wetness moistening his jeans and creating a dark spot as he swallowed each and every noise that fell from my lips.

Dave pulled away, his lust filled eyes meeting mine as we both caught our breath. He leaned down, beginning to kiss and suck at the sensitive skin of my neck, eliciting a soft whine from my lips. His fingers began to trail to my core, his skilled fingers spreading my folds before rubbing the flesh and probing at my hole with the tip of his finger. I moaned and bucked my hips, seeking more friction.

Dave chuckled at my state, pulling away from my neck where he had now left bruises. “Are you needy, baby?” He teased, and I nodded frantically. He crawled down y body, his head settling between my thighs as I felt him spit on my already soaking cunt before delving in and eating me out like  a starved man, making me moan wildly as I gripped his hair in my hand tightly. I squirmed and writhed against his face, feeling his nose nudge my clit.

Dave took notice of my reactions, increasing the speed and strength of his movements as he lapped up my essence. I could feel myself grow closer and closer to the edge, ready to release onto his face as I grinded down on his face before he pulled away with a smirk, his lips and chin glistening with my juices. The feeling of being on the edge had left, and now I was antsy and unfulfilled, looking up at Dave with a pout.

“Why'd you stop..?” I complained, wiggling my hips at him.

“Because it's funny to see you get like this, all begging and needy because I teased you,” He admitted with a stupid grin.

I rolled my eyes and he snickered, finally shedding his own clothes and tossing them behind him onto the messy bedroom floor. It wasn't long before he was completely bare, his erection standing proud as precum dripped from the red, throbbing tip. Dave crawled back ont top of me, beginning to position himself at my entrance. The head of his cock slid through my already drenched folds, my over sensitive skin feeling a jolt from the contact. I whined and with that he pushed in with one quick thrust, giving me little time to adjust to his large size. He began to pound into me quickly, making me moan loudly with every moment, my breasts moving in time with his thrusts. The wind was knocked out of me, Davwe lifting my legs a bit and resting them on his shoulders as he continued to plow in and out of my aching and fluttering pussy. My eyes were rolling into the back of my head, the pleasure consuming me as I let out each shaky moan, tears pooling in my eyes. 

Without warning, Dave squeezed the cheeks on my face together to get my mouth open, spitting into it. I was slightly surprised, though turned on by it nonetheless.

“Swallow it, slut..” He mumbled in dissatisfaction since I just held it in my mouth. He pulled out, and I quickly swallowed it.

“Good girl..” He praised, realigning himself and slamming back into me as I let out a loud cry of pleasure, tears streaming down my face in pleasure. The sound of skin slapping skin filled the room, and I could feel myself growing closer and closer.

My walls continued to tighten around his member which was now throbbing and pulsing inside me as Davest thrusts began to lose rhythm, his hips spasming as his groans grew in volume and intensity. 

“Fuck, gonna cum, baby.. Gonna cum inside you,” Dave panted, his hips giving a few final thrusts before he bucked, his mouth falling open as he moaned. I whined as I felt his seed spill into me, the warm thick liquid filling me completely. With Daves orgasm, I cam as well, our sounds of pleasure mingling together as he collapsed on me, completely spent. 

Our sweat covered bodies stuck together, our breaths shakey. Daves hand found mine intertwining our fingers as we both came down from our highs.

“Did so well, love.. Tok everything so good… you're so beautiful and perfect…” Dave showered me in words of affection, his lips pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. We stayed like that for awhile, just soaking in each others presence for I felt Dave slide out of me with a wet pop, my hole now sore and spread. Dav cuddled up beside me, opening his arms so I could come closer to him.

“Goodnight, sweetheart, I love you..” He mumbled before falling asleep, and I followed suit not long after.

[cryptic--writing]

hiiiii, i was wondering if you could do more sub dave stuff for kinktober, i dont have anything specific in mind so ill totally leave it up to you !

hiiii I'm super open do doing more subby Dave but I don't have a ton of experience w it so if you have an idea for it, pls specify! I struggle to have a free imagination w this so ideas would help :)

also it wont be for kinktober since I'm only doing 2-3 more and speaking of, I'm super sorry for being late on posts!!! I got sick last week and uhhh totally threw off my schedule :( I'll try and finish one today but I might just do this and the finale (to the other 2 I'm not writing, I'll probably still end of writing it just not for kinktober :)) )

[cryptic--writing]

Haiii ‼️🦐🪤

So like ‘88 James gets in a really bad fight, so you clean him up and cuddle with him :3

hihi!!

this req is so so cute so I hoped I did it some justicw

its more of a drabble bc its super duper short

also I'm typing all of this out on 9/25 so y'all will prob see this in a week or so

anyways here

word count: 966

warnings: fluff, light ansgt, gentle descriptions of blood and brusies, a fight (obvi) and that's it

FIX THE BROKEN, TEND THE WOUNDED (1988)

It was a regular night at home, sitting back on the couch while watching some TV and eating some snacks, not paying that much to the show, all of it becoming static in my ears before hearing my boyfriend, James, stumble into the apartment. My eyes snapped out of their haze, glancing towards his bruises, slightly bloody face as a blood trail tickled from his nose.

My concern instantly sky rocketed, jolting up from the couch and iving towards him quickly.

“James, oh my god, what happened to you?” I quickly muttered out, taking his face in my hands as I scanned for any more injuries.

“Just got in a scuffle at the bar… I'll be fine…” He mumbled in pain.

I shook my head quickly, “No! You're not ok! You're all beaten up!” I responded back, taking his hand in mine as I noticed his bloodied knuckles, showing he had gotten into a bad fight. At least he had protected himself, or tried to.

“Baby, let me help you clean up,” I pleaded with him. James was always the ‘strong one’, and rarely seeked comfort in others and would just wallow in his own pain. I was tired of seeing him like that, he needed to understand that it's ok to be human.

James just sighed and nodded, clearly beat (literally) and exhausted. I guided him carefully into the bathroom, having him sit on the edge of the bathtub as I grabbed some medical supplies from our medicine cabinet, saline to clean his wound, tissues, a wet wash cloth and bandages.

I kneeled in front of him, beginning to wipe off the dirt and gunk of his face, wincing as it past his cuts, the sensation uncomfortable for him.

“I know it hurts, just let me help..” I cooed gently in response, continuing to wipe the dirt and blood away until his face was somewhat clean.

“This'll sting, but it's not as painful as an infection,” I warned and assured him, beginning to wash the cut on his cheek, a deeper mark that had a chance to leave a scar, but it would change my love for him. It would probably only make me love him more as it showed more of his story, and our story.

James whined as his face scrunched in pain, and it made me upset to see him hurting like this.

“How did you even get into a fight?” I asked, dabbing away some blood that spilled from his wound, getting a bandaged ready to place over it.

“Some prick shit talking the band.. Saying we sold out.. Normally it doesn't bother me but he started putting hands on me and what not,” James explained in a mumble, so drained and sore it probably only made him more tired to speak, so I wouldn't push him much more to talk.

“That's stupid.. You guys are doing great, and just ignore dumbasses like him,” I comforted, placing the bandage on his cheek.

James just huffed in response, watching as I tended to him, careful with every part of him. After I finished cleaning his battered face, I moved my focus to his hands, holding them in my own as I observed the cuts on his knuckles and dried blood that covered the area, repeating the same process, wiping away the crust and gunk, making sure there was none left as I poured saline on it, drying it and applying more bandages to his poor hands.

After we were done, we went into the bedroom. I helped him get dressed, removing his tattered shirt to reveal a thin, not deep, but long scrape on his side with bruises on his chest and stomach. Who would hurt him like this? It was a hard watch, frowning at the sight.

“James, how badly did this guy get you? We should take you to a doctor..” I worried, still taking note of every mark on his body. 

“He just.. Got an angle on me, I fought him worse anyways…” He mumbled back in response, and I nodded with a sigh, cleaning him up once more, washing his wound and bandaging it as he went to lay on the bed. I helped him get comfortable without pushing too much on his bruises, not wanting him to be in any more pain than he already was.

“Stay here, Ill go get you some pills,” I informed, kissing his forehead softly as he hummed in response before I scurried into the bathroom, grabbing him some painkillers and cold bottle of water out the fridge before turning back to him, his fatigued form curled in bed.

“Here, take these, you'll feel better,” I said, handing him to=he pills and water as I got into bed beside James, waiting for him to finish taking the medication.

“Cmere..” I mumbled, opening my arms for him, and for one of those few times, he came up close and snuggled to me. James loved cuddling, but normally when he was the one cuddling me. But, I feel like I almost preferred holding him over him holding me, stroking his soft, wav golden locks as he huffed, soon to succumb to the tiredness he had endured after his fight.

I knew he would be in even worse pain in the morning, so I had to mentally prepare for his invisibility, but also the sweet side he hid on stage. To the world, he was James Hetfield, a man of metal and crazy, but to me, he was just James. The softest, sweetest guy you could ever know.

“Thanks… I loved you…” He muttered into my chest and I continued to stroke his hair.

“Love you too,” I answered back, and he fell asleep in my arms.

[cryptic--writing]

also i just wanted to congratulate you, im aware you are new to writing on here but you’re doing a killer job!!!

-🍺

hihi!!

thank u for your support! I read all of ur sends :)

also I'm nearing 100 followers!!! only 8 away!!! would y'all want a 100 follower special or is that too small of a number to celebrate...

im glad u liked the fic!!! I'm also gonna use this post to say that kinktober posts (posts in general) will be a tad delayed as I got super sick out of no where and have not had time to write this week :( will definetluy have a kinktober post next week, but for now I will post a James fluff that I wrote a month ago:)

[cryptic--writing]

hmm if no lars x farting kink how about kirk x temperature play and bondage? maybe he ties you up so you’re spread out on the bed, and runs an ice cube all up your body? maybe blindfolded too? 🤭

hihi!!

kinktober pt 3!!

sorry for no lars x farting kink.... quite the disappointment ik

butttt hopefully this is still as good, but nothing reaches the wonderfulness of that comceot

this is so long (for a smut) I'm dying to write a nice long juicy request (which I will begin now)

anyways here

word count: 1574

warnings: bondage, getting tied up, blindfolds, ice cubes, overstimulation, smut, possibly off putting ending but I didn't mean it that way

ICE, ICE BABY (1996)

Tonight was a special one, one that we had been waiting for for months.

Kirk had been on tour for the last few months, and we had planned and promised that when he returned, we would indulge in his fantasies he's had for awhile, things he's been wanting to try out on me.

My fiance had just returned last week, and it was the night we had planned. Kirk didn't tell me in specifics on what he wanted to do, but I knew it would be kinky, as usual. But this, this was new. I waited for him to come home from the store, laying on our bed in just lingerie, a lacy, deep red matching set that he had bought me as an engagement gift, and it was his favorite piece to see me in.

I heard the keys jangle at the front door, Kirk's familiar steps filling the dark home.

“Im back,” He called out, his voice searching for mine, though I didn't answer. I heard Kirk set down some bags on the counter before wandering down the hallway to the bedroom, “Baby?” He called out again, before he reached the bedroom door, seeing me on the bed waiting for him.

The look in his eyes deepend with lust, his eyes locked on my form.

“Wow.” Was all he managed to mutter out, transfixed on my body. I giggled at his reaction, and that only drove him crazier. I could see his pants tighten, already straining against the fabric of his jeans.

Kirk began to walk towards the bed, already working on getting his shirt and tie off as he approached me. He climbed on top of me, holding me under him. “Just wait to see what I do with you..” He murmured, wrapping the tie around my eyes and using it as a blindfold.

The next few minutes were spent with my limbs being spewed across the bed, feeling another flight fabric being used to tie my wrists and ankles to the bed posts, not before fully undressing me, of course. I was left without the ability to see, or move. Now just putty in Kirk's hands.

I tried to wiggle against my restraints, though it was no use as I heard Kirk chuckle above me, “Don't bother trying, sweetie, you're nice and tight right now.” He cooed, his finger trailed a path from my neck to my stomach, causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. 

The darkness was something new, and it was hard to adjust to as I felt anticipation rise in my gut, watching for him to do something. First I felt his lips, trailing from my collarbone, focusing attention on my breasts, nibbling on the soft skin as I whined, feeling his lips close around my hardened buds, the warmth of his mouth creating a delightful sensation as he sucked on it. Kirk moved his attention to my other breast, showing it the same lover and affection as he did the other, and I could feel my wetness spreading through me, sticking to my thighs by now.

Kirk pulled away with a ‘pop’ sound. Though I couldn't see his expression, I could sense his smirk, his pride and his knowing of the power he held over me in this moment. He trailed his lips down my stomach now, growing increasingly closer to my aching and needy heat, his breath fanning against it making me squirm, or at least try to. He pressed a kiss to my entrance, his tongue licking a stripe between my folds, his tongue thrusting in, making me moan loudly. I felt and heard him snicker as he buried his face deeper into my pussy, his nose nudging my clit.

The warmth of it all overwhelmed me, so much so that all my senses were devoted to it, the pleasure heightened as my main raised. That was, until I felt it. A sharp, cold feeling placed on the valley between my breasts, making me hiss in a breath.

“Fuck, Kirk!” I yelped, the ice dragging down my body until it met his mouth, and I cried out loud when he pulled away, the ice teasing around my folds and dancing too close to my entrance. I whined at the coldness, definitely a new and overwhelming experience, and without my sight or ability to move, the sensation was all the stronger. 

“What do you think, hm? You like being tied up, used for me as I drag ice on you, baby?” Kirk teased and cooed, the ice cube now mostly melted at this point. I didn't know how to react. It was definitely interesting, and totally hot.

“Mhm..” I mumbled, and Kirk crashed his lips back on mine, beginning to hover over me as I heard his pants unzip, and soon I felt his tip press to my entrance. My hips bucked at the sensation, seeking more friction, though there was little I could do with the restraints that bound me to the bed. Kirk chuckled at my state, teasing me a bit more before pushing in with one, hard thrust.

I cried out, moaning at the instant sensation of being filled by him. I could feel every ridge and vein in him, and it drove my pleasure higher. I had been hardly stimulated, though I already felt so overstimulated. Kirk was groaning, his hips pistoning into me, and it isn't long before I felt another cold block set on me, placed on my stomach and Kirk pressed down harshly on it, the cold sensation almost feeling like a burn as it began to melt down on my skin, a new wet path getting developed.

I whined and squirmed under the uncomfortableness of the ice, though I couldn't deny that it turned me on. His pace increased, growing faster and deeper with every movement, which only sent the leisure further through me. I was a moaning mess, crying out his name with every rough shove of his hips. The bonds began to rub at my wrists and ankles, growing slightly painful. I whined at the discomfort, feeling the ice cube, now water trickled down my stomach. The coil in my lower stomach was tightening, and together, ready to snap me into orgasm.

I groaned and whimpers, Kirk retracted himself completely from my aching hole. I felt the coil unwind, all of my pent of pleasure gone. My hips tried to raise, simply grinding against air as Kirk chuckled at my patheticness, feeling his tip rub at my throbbing clit, eliciting a whine from me.

“Please, Kirk…” I begged, knowing how needy I must've looked and sounded even with being blindfolded.

“Please what, baby?” He teased, grinding his tip harder against my bud, making me jolt and moan.

“pPlease, I need you inside me…” I cried, writhing against my restraints, feeling another ice cube get placed on me, this time on my clit, the cold making me inhale sharply is a yelp.

“Mmmm, you sure that's what you want?” He teased again, rubbing the cube on the warm and sensitive flesh.

“Yes! PLease!” My begging grew more insistent, and Kirk pushed in harsher than before, his hips finding a new rhythm as he thrusted probably as fast as his body would let him, the bed creaking as he hit that spot inside me everytime. I was already so sensitive, knowing I could cum at any mometas my moans almost grew to screams, Kirk whispering sweet praises in my ear, the ice on my flesh now water again.

“So close, aren't you, hm? Can feel you getting tighter around me dick,” Kirk murmured, and I nodded frantically, my now teary eyes darkening the already black fabric of the blindfold.

“Fuck! Im, oh shit!” I moaned, feeling the knot in my stomach go loose, my orgasm over taking my senses as my walls clenched and fluttered around his throbbing member, and I knew Kik was nearing his own release. He continued to pump into me, even after I had come down from my high, groans and moans growing louder. The sounds of skin hitting skin, our moans, the creak of the bed, and the slight sound of fabric rubbed wood filled the room, Kirk labored breath getting heavier. “Fuck, gonna fill you up so good,” He panted, his hips beginning to lose rhythm as his thick and hot seed shot up into me, the ropes painting my innards white. Kirk collapsed on top of me, his forehead resting against mine as we both tried to catch our breath, feeling him softening inside me.

“You alright, sweetie? It wasn't too much, right?” He whispered comfortingly, his hand stroking my hair.

“Mhm.. it was perfect..” I mumbled in response, too pleasure drunk to put proper strength in my words.

Eventually Kirk pulled out, a soft sound of our bodies untangling coming from that action, allowing drops of his seed to drip out of me slightly. He began to untie my restraints, removing the now damp blindfold, allowing me to see again, Kirk's tired face, now laxed with pleasure in front of mine with a lazy smirk as we laid down together, with him holding me. He kissed the slight bruising on my wrists from where I fought against my bondings, slight guilt in his eyes.

“I'm sorry, love.. Didn't mean to hurt you…” He mumbled, and his words held true, all though he didn't hurt me.

[cryptic--writing]

subby dave?

hihi!

kinktober pt2!!

this is just occuring to me after having just finished the fic, I have no clue if you wanted pegging or just subby Dave, so its just subby Dave bc I have no idea how to write that stuff, and this is new to me too so I hope its decent!

word count: 1189

warnings: smut, subby Dave, praise kink, and just smut stuff in general

ALL FOR YOU (1986)

This situation had seemed to repeat at least once a week when they began a new album. Dave would come home, whining, frustrated and complaining about how the new album isn't going to his hopes or liking, and that he's ‘so stressed’. 

Was he actually stressed or was it a facade to suck him off? I dont know. But, I neverminded it, either or.

As his girlfriend, of course I took pity on him. I would offer him various things that he seemed to like or love, beer, his favot=ite meal, watching a movie, none of it would work. Except for this.

I was nestled between his thighs, his dick deep down in my throat as I sucked him off, my tongue working on him as I bobbed my head up and down his aching length. He was always pretty vocal in bed, but when he was like this, he could never stop whining and moaning. Not that I minded, I always love to hear his pretty sounds. Daves hand was tangled in my hair as he bucked his hips up, the tip bumping the back of my throat and making me gag a bit, my throat tightening slightly as his moans and whines grew in pitch.

I tried to lift my head, desperately needing some proper air, but his hand held me down. Tears stung my eyes, and I knew I could get back on him for this. He wasnt teasing me, but he was getting too lost in the moment to forget that Im a human being and not a fuck doll.

After a moment I was able to pull my head back a bit more, freeing my air ways before taking him all the way back in, causing a loud moan to escape his throat.

“Oh, fuck! Im..” Dave began to warn about his approaching orgasm, and I took him deeper again, before pulling right off of him, leaving him sexually frustrated and whiny.

“Hey…. why'd you stop..?” He said like a disappointed child.

I just shrugged with a smirk. I watched as precum oozed from the tip, cleaning it off with small licks of my tongue, taking Dave back into my mouth, causing him to groan loudly. 

I didn't take him deep, just working on the upper half of his length, enjoying teasing him like this. I would swirl my tongue around the flesh I had gathered in my mouth, refuting to take him deeper. This frustrated  him further, putting his hand on the back of my head to try and push me down further, but I just swatted his hand away, looking up at him with a glint of lust in my eyes, taking him a little bit deeper into my mouth, seeing his face contorted in pleasure at the new addition in my mouth. I teased the lower half with my fingers, lightly stroking his base which made him whine and jolt his hips up, forcing me to take him slightly deeper, thoughI pushed down his hips and held them in place, not allowing him to push me any further before I finally just pulled away from him, causing him to whimper from the lack of heat and friction I once provided.

“Please, just stop teasing me… I've had a rough day…” Dave begged, and now I could see how he found it attractive when I begged for him, or when he would make me bed. The vulnerability, and the shared need lit a fire between two people, and we were experiencing it again and again.

Sure, I loved it when hed get all dominant and fucked my brians out, but maybe I wanted to fuck his brains out for a change. I was already in just my bra and panties, so I just climbed over him, pushing him down and having him lay with his back against the mattress, me above him. His eyes widened, but he was all for it. Under that ego, he did have a soft spot.

I crashed my lips down onto his and he reciprocated, our tongues meeting with great fervor as his hand snaked back into my hair, bringing me closer to him as he groaned into my mouth, as I did his. I began to slip down my panties, eventually raising my hips and positioning myself above his tip, sinking down on his hips slowly.

Dave moaned loudly as our kiss broke, his hands coming to my hips, but I swatted them away. He didn't fight me any further, and I gripped his wrists and held them above his head. His eyes were soft, lost in pleasure as I began to ride him with a slight speed, trying to gain my pace as I rocked my hips. Dave whined out, biting back the noises he wanted to let out.

“Lemme hear you, Davie..” I cooed in his ear, and it didn't take much more encouragement for his sweet whines to drip from his lips. HIs eyes were squeezed shut in pleasure, having me do all the work as I rode him, bouncing my hips at a fast pace to  bring us both to our own demanding releases, though I could tell Dave needed his more, esoe=pecially after teasing him so much today. 

I rocked my hips, grinding on him, hearing the whimpers that fell from his lips in need, and I could feel him shifting beneath me, a sign that his dick was probably over stimulated, and I knew I could make it more overstimulating, squeezing my walls around him tightly, earning a loud groan of need from him.

“Fuck!” He whined out, and I resumed bouncing myself on his length, his eyes shut as his face was etched with pleasure. 

“Open your eyes, baby, wanna see you all fucked out from me riding you…” I murmured in his ear, and he fought hard to keep his eyes open, meeting them with mine.

Dave's fiery ginger locks cascaded around his head like a halo of fire, his heels slightly pink as sweat dribbled down his forehead.

“Good boy…” Raised in a moan of my own, feeling him hit a spot inside me that made me want to crumble right there. I kept my pace, riding him as fast as I could, and he began to whine and groan and moan more frequently, his eyes fluttering open and shut, truly trying to obey my words.

“Come with me baby,” I whispered to him, feeling his hips buck and jolt up into mine, hitting spots deep within me, shouting a loud moan as I came around his cock, his release following soon after as he groaned and whimpered, feeling his hot, thick ropes shoot into me, coating my walls white. 

Dave was panting, so was I, our bodies joined as we tried to catch our breath, resting my forehead against his. I pressed a soft kiss to his lips, feeling his arms wrap around my back.

“‘Love you…” He muttered, clearly exhausted from our love making.

“Love you too, Davie..” I returned back to him, enjoying the peace we had together.