#everyone is awesome forever unless you’re a horrible person

[banditblvd]

Bandit you’re like

So cool.

Idk man you’re just really fuckin cool <3

YOU’RE COOL TOO

Never forget this ghosty never ever

You are awesome forever and that’s actually a fact

[sj0228]

astro notes for fun lol

HEY! this is my first astro observations post so don't be too hard on me lol unless u wanna then sure maybe i can improve them somehow BUTANYWAYZ this is for entertainment purposes only!! obviously these are just my own observations so if they don't resonate with you don't get offended or you're a big ol' 🅱️uss so here they are!! also SHOUTOUT TO MY AMAZING FRIENDS fyi i got sum help from them by asking them billions of questions to confirm my suspicions so uh hope that makes the observations more accurate LOL ANYWAYS HERE THEY ARE!! i'll probably make more in the future cuz i think they're super fun to make :D also if u couldnt tell uhm this isnt very professional im not professional BUT I TRIED TO MAKE IT PRETTY so pls dont be bothered lol im just doing this for fun i didnt even wanna make an astro page so yea </3pretty unreliable LMAOOO

👩🏻‍🦲 the house your mars is in is what pisses you off the most!! (eg. 1st - people assuming things about you, 5th - people beating around the bush, 7th - things that disrupt the harmony of your environment, 9th - the need to hold back your opinions because others get bothered by them being "offensive")

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers are true ambiverts and i've truly never ever seen a cancer who wouldn't be both introverted and extroverted at times. they are always either social introverts or quiet extroverts lol. or both!! (somehow 0_0) they enjoy people's attention, whether it's wanting to be noticed or appreciated or generally cared for, and they need their alone time. they tend to be very productive at those times, too.

👩🏻‍🦲 ok i have a lot of notes for cancers so it's gonna be a lot lmao sorry anyways!! i've also noticed they LOVEEE breaking loose every once in a while, if not every time they're given the opportunity! thing is, it's usually only if someone else is there to convince them or do it with them. they don't like taking risks alone! they are very impressed and fond of the 'wild child' persona people because they bring out the cancer's wild side!

👩🏻‍🦲 libra moons are absolutely loved by people, it's so crazy! like, no matter what they do they always have attention on them. this can manifest badly if the moon person is actually pretty horrible, things they do tend to be overlooked and others move on pretty quickly from their mistakes, letting them do whatever they want. i wanted to give an example but uh,,,,, i shall.. refrain😳

👩🏻‍🦲 libra suns with water moons are so scary when they're angry..

👩🏻‍🦲 cancer moon is what i deem as the zodiac sign cute-ifyer lol. literally any "tough" sign like capricorn, scorpio or aquarius becomes a super cute goofball with this moon. WEIRDEST THING EVER THOUGH is that it doesn't work for cancer suns?! like if a cancer sun has a cancer moon this just makes the person very confusing but very funny. they can brighten anybody's day without trying!

👩🏻‍🦲 okay uh this isn't an astro note as much as it is me being a phucken simp but uh..... I HAVE AN UNDYING LOVE FOR ARIES SUNS I WILL MARRY EVERY EACHAND ONE OF YOU ISTG. ARIES SUNS ARE THE NICEST AND FUNNIEST PEOPEL I'VE EVER SEEN YOU HAVE THE BEST HUMOR EVER AND YOU'RE SO KIND TO EVERYBODY YOU'RE SO KIND I LOVE YOU YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THIS PLANET I WANT TO HUG YOU FOREVER okay jbshxhjn but fr aries are the best people ever?!?!?!?!?!?! pls

👩🏻‍🦲 okay JUST SO THIS WHOLE ARIES MENTION ISN'T JUST A POINTLESS LOVE CONFESSION - i've noticed a lot of ♥aries♥ people use the laughing crying face emojis (😂,🤣) unironically and it's honestly.....the best thing ever

👩🏻‍🦲 taurus suns do this sometimes as well

👩🏻‍🦲 THE MOST UNHEALTHY PERCEPTIONS OF ZODIAC SIGNS ARE PUT ON FIRE SIGNS, NOT THE WATER SIGNS AND THIS IS COMING FROM A PISCES!!!!!!1 every stereotype is always showing fire signs as those sunshine of the group people, the baddies, and the ones with the biggest 'idgaf' attitude. and while this can totally be true sometimes, most of the time it's super different! sad fire signs break my heart pls i just wanna hug you guys T-T they have it the hardest because unlike water signs who are already expected to be emotional, they often repress their emotions for the sake of others and because of the fear of betrayal or judgement, or just generally the idea of "it's better to have fake friends than to have zero friends". YOU GUYS PLEASE. cut these people off from your life you deserve soo much better i know it can be super hard to open up for you u just need a hug omg EVERYONE PLEASE CHECK UP ON YOUR FIRE SIGN FRIENDS ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR DAY N STUFF THEY WILL APPRECIATE YOU CARING FOR THEM! pls stay best and take care sweethearts ily!!!

👩🏻‍🦲 i've also noticed that some of the signs tend to show their sadness through anger - this is not just astrology though so if your friend has been jumpy lately please just check on them they are probably going thru sth😳 anyways the signs i mostly saw this in are pisces, aries and libra.

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers with feminine moons (earth and water) tend to be pretty introspective. they often think they're the ones being mistreated, and while this of course might be true, in reality it usually goes a lonnng way back lol. they often pay very little attention to others!! (masculine moon sign cancers (fire and air) can often be too focused on others more than themselves) this can be good because they don't snoop in other people's business but oh my god, guys, please pay attention to your friends, too! this WILL lead to lost friendships because, let's be real, nobody wants a one-sided friendship with someone who only cares about themselves! i don't want to target anybody here but this is just a pattern i've noticed wayyyy too often, so you might want to look into it and if you think this is you all you need is just to enlargen your perspective and it will all be okay. but please, PLEASE. think about your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 i needed to get this^ out because people often put this on leo placements but tbh i notice that leo placements are THE MOST generous of the entire zodiac and they always think of others first and that's what really makes them so popular. they very rarely are as egocentric as everybody says, they're just really loving and that makes them very lovable!

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio risings are the prettiest people i've ever seen. not even kidding bruh i could stare at them for EVER their eyes are absolutely gorgeous and their mannerisms are just perfect pls marry me

👩🏻‍🦲 gemini and taurus placements make an individual soooo chill to the point where it often makes them lazy and a biig procrastinator lol. tho i love how they make light of it by using their amazing humor!

👩🏻‍🦲 you most definitely have your IC be one of your family members' sun sign or one of their personal planets. i have a taurus ic and my sister is a taurus sun!

👩🏻‍🦲 sagittarius suns are the best huggers cause THEY REALLY NEED A HUG SO GO HUG THEM RIGHT NOW. pls guys why r u so sad..

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio mars aren't even as sexual as everybody says tbh. but they definitely do have some interesting.....interests ;)

👩🏻‍🦲 pluto aspects to personal planets are very prominent, but very hidden. if you have them, most likely you will be the only person to know about this side of you and it can be pretty dark..

👩🏻‍🦲 planets conjunct your sun will be the people you attract most in your life (venus conjunct sun - taurus and libra, jupiter - sagittarius and pisces, mars - aries and scorpio EVERYWHERE)

👩🏻‍🦲 your moon sign will be the sun sign of most of your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 if you don't quite relate to your ascendant, look at the sign you have in your 3rd house and at your mercury sign. this is how you communicate, convey your ideas etc. and will often be a major factor in people's first impressions of you :)

👩🏻‍🦲 lilith aspecting your sun may mean there's a side of you nobody knows.. 👁👁 you're also probably very convincing and people can be very drawn to you and they can't explain why. this also goes for lilith in 7th, especially in girls!

👩🏻‍🦲 you and your friends probably have each other's sun signs as your personal planets!!

👩🏻‍🦲 the kindest person you know is probably either a virgo or an aries.. and the meanest person you know is also probably a virgo or aries LOL

👩🏻‍🦲 capricorn suns & risings are THE hardest to read!! if they don't say what they mean people will just assume and they're never going to be right it's wild 👩🏻‍🦲 also capricorns definitely have the most dad energy, while sagittariuses are more like actual dads jdbshxcvb

OKAY THAT'S ALL!!!! im sure i have more but its 2 am i have school tomorrow or actually its today now so bye uh anyways there will most likely be more so if u liked these stay tuned!! oh and let me know if they were true witchu :o thats it love u stay awesome and super cool i love u byebye!!

[thefeedress]

FFA MUSINGS

I was 17 when I learned the terms "feeder" "feedee" and "feederism" from stumbling across one of those trash documentaries about the kink. Apparently, my sexuality revolved around extremes and predators: creepy straight men coercing naive women into transforming their bodies and their lives - the women didn't particularly seem to be getting off on it or even have much agency in the whole thing. The men were awful. (Sometimes, these days, I look back and wonder how much all the negatives of what I saw were exaggerated by the editing…)

That was my lightbulb moment, where I discovered the label for something very personal and private that I'd had all my life but always felt confused and ashamed about. I now also had the pleasure of feeling extra disgusting and very alone, having been shown what horrible company I was in, and that I now knew I was a feeder, but apparently all feeders were men.

Any furtive investigations online (in the reasonably early days of the internet) seem to confirm this suspicion: female feeders were not A Thing, there might possibly be one or two others out there at best. Male gainers only seemed to exist in their own niche in gay subculture, and although I was happy they were out there somewhere living their best lives, they were obviously Not For Me.

I was 34 when after years of pushing it all to the back of my mind, I finally gave in. I've been with the same (non-feedist) partner since my early 20s, so I just assumed that I'd never be able to explore it irl anyway, and that was that. I can't remember what happened or why I decided that I had to try to find some others to connect with, even just to chat with, but in the end (with my partner's blessing) I found and joined Feabie (of which I have many opinions but I'll leave those for another time…) and interacted with other feedists online for the first time in my life.

Guess what: straight male feedees exist. They exist, and there's fucking loads of them!! Tons of the buggers in my inbox all day every day for weeks. Pretty heady experience going from outcast freak to Much Sought After Item - apparently female feeders really are quite rare, or we don't have much of an online presence (or most of us are lurking in a secret lair somewhere that the others haven't invited me to, rude….) or they're also out there somewhere thinking they're the only one.

The unbridled glee of feeling popular and desirable for being something I'd always felt ashamed of did wear off a teensy bit after the endless onslaught of "hey" "hi" "how u" "ayy babygurl" "I'm looking for a feeder please accommodate all my kinks even though I'm a total stranger and I clearly don't give a shit about you as a human being" "You're a woman on the internet I'm entitled to your attention don't be difficult what's your problem" and my current favourite, the bizarrely ominous "Can I ask ur opinion?" (The answer is no my friend, if I wanted to be spammed with anonymous torso pics that I'm meant to manufacture comments about that you can get off to I'd have asked YOU.)

But. I'm still completely overjoyed that male feedees exist, that I've spoken to so many cool and interesting and lovely guys, that I've had experiences I'd always assumed I wouldn't, that I FINALLY MET OTHER FFAs and they are awesome and now I'm close friends with one and it's freaking GREAT. All of this has also lead my partner and I to discover polyamory and now I'm in love with two people who love me back NOBODY EVER SAID YOU WERE ALLOWED TO DO THAT WHY THE FUCK DID NO ONE TELL ME

There are so many nuances and preferences I'd never considered. I knew what I liked and that's what I sought out in terms of porn and that was that. Actually talking to feedees and learning about the whole spectrum of things they each did or didn't enjoy or want to participate in was a revelation, and also helped me clarify my own preferences myself.

There are still things I've yet to come to terms with or decide how to feel about. The main things I'd always felt guilty or ashamed of were less to do with fat or fat guys, it was the feeding itself.

Where being an FFA is concerned - I like to think that if I'd ever been lucky enough to have a fat boyfriend when I was younger, I wouldn't have been shallow enough to care what anyone else thought. It's possible I'm giving my younger self too much credit; I know for certain that some people in my life would have made nasty comments, I was also hugely insecure myself, and I have no idea what it really would have been like. I have no doubt that living all my life in a fatphobic society has affected me in more ways than I'm even aware of (same as everyone else in some way, I'm guessing....). I think any uneasiness I felt there was less worrying about shallow friends or family members, and more how to find potential fat partners without offending them. I have always been conscious of the fact that the majority of fat people would very likely be horrified to be thought of and objectified through the lens of this fetish. You never know what someone's relationship to their own body is, but it's safe to bet that it's a more complex one than it seems, and also, unless you're expressly invited into that relationship by that person, it's none of your fucking business.

But anyway, the main reason I never had many hangups about it was that I don't think I even *was* attracted to fat people when I was young - sometimes I'm not sure I was even attracted to anyone. I had crushes on boys all the time, but I never thought of anyone sexually. My teenage fantasies were pure belly kink: stuffing, chugging, bloating, inflation, any kind of ridiculous fantasy belly expansion - the actual fattening aspect of feeding was less a part of it, and fancying fat dudes was never connected to it. By the time I'd begun to join the dots and wonder if I liked fat boys, I'd started to happen across media that portrays the worst of Feedism, and since I liked sadistic fucked up stuff and already felt ashamed of it, all of that just confirmed to me that I was right to hate myself. Even now, when I'm exposed to much more conversation about this kink than I ever used to be, I notice a lot of love for soft feedism, wholesome fatness appreciation, body positivity, romance (all of which I absolutely love, don't get me wrong) and I still sometimes feel Iike I'm being left out of the party. Keeping my fingers crossed for more consensual femdom-feedism love (and content, ugh…)

But… what would have happened if I hadn't gotten the fuck over myself and put myself out there, tried to find others? How many other young people see themselves portrayed horribly in the media and hide parts of themselves FROM THEMSELVES forever? What happens next? I've apparently found the one person who likes all the same twisted things I do, but actually getting to see him irl ever or do any of the things we want to do seems impossible, and not just because of Covid.

This fetish is lonely for most of us I think, in some way or another. There aren't many feedists, there don't seem to be as many female feeders or male feedees, there probably aren't many people who will share the same preferences within the fetish that you do, and frankly when you filter out the people who aren't crazy or creepy or don't know how to hold a conversation, the pool shrinks even further. I've seen plenty of posts bemoaning how hard it is to find someone, but seriously, having spent most of my life in a vacuum where this stuff is concerned, I'm still buzzing from having engaged with the small handful of people I've engaged with, even just to chat to.

What I want to say to my younger self is: you're a good person. You're just a kinky bitch, that's all.

I feel like this description probably applies to all the best people, I can live with that.

[shivada-jade]

how to be romantic

characters: zhongli, childe (the wingman) ➡ mentions: xiao, venti, hu tao warning(s): n/a unless you havent gone to liyue. why havent you gone to liyue? FINISH THE MONDSTADT QUEST AND GO TO LIYUE.

Zhongli's everyone's ideal man.

Intelligent, amusing, respectful, and extremely good looking.

Zhongli knows many things including Liyue's history and, well... Teyvat's history.

Though, romance is not something he touched base with over the time he spent in Teyvat. He was, after all, a war leader. He was a fighter, not a lover, but over time when he settles down at the harbour, he found you.

Being romantic is for losers, as a certain bard would tell him long ago, chugging two gallons of wine. Pretty ironic how his city turned to be a city of romance as much as it is freedom.

You were someone who did not make him feel like someone to be worshipped as he was once worshipped. You did not make him feel belittled or someone of unimportance. You made him feel whole, and for that he is forever thankful.

He tends to ramble about ancient history, but you assure him you find it as interesting as he does. You would usually tease him saying you might know more than him until you thought you saw a certain Yaksha near by. The certain Yaksha threatened you with the tip of his polearm when he fits you as any threat to Zhongli, whether physically or mentally. Ahah, but it's okay you're both buddy-buddy now. You make the best almond tofu.

Zhongli will forever be yours, he promises you. Through thick or thin or through any rainy day, he promises he will be forever yours. You bro-zone him.

As he sits on the chair drinking his tea, his eyes wander from person to person, noting how many of them were in pairs: pair of siblings, a pair of friends, a pair of lovers, a pair of enemies. Everything is in a pair.

A pair of blue eyes interrupt his thought. Zhongli sets his teacup down and nods to Childe in acknowledgement.

"How do you do, Childe?"

Childe grins and puts his hands behind his head, taking a seat in front of Zhongli. "Oh nothing much. Juuust checking in to see how my favourite grandpa is. How are you? How's the spouse and three kids, living near the beach with their pet hamster? Ayo shawty bae, make sure you-"

Zhongli indeed knows a lot of things, but Childe's way of talking might just be something he may never understand.

"Childe, let us get to the point."

"Right, so! As your awesome wingman who got you the love of your life and even matchmade with countless of other people, I, Childe, the lovable Fatui Harbinger, the hottest person here, the best ginger there is-"

"The point, please," Zhongli says, offering to pour tea for his friend.

Childe refuses with a polite smile, "I have come with thee with a way to spice up your love life!"

Zhongli pauses and then lifts the cup up, sipping the tea, humming to show he heard.

Blue eyes dull and Childe whines, "Come on! I went through so much trouble in making a step-by-step guide on how to be romantic." His arms droop to his side.

The former Archon lifts a brow and places his tea down again, "Amuse me."

"Great!" Childe high-fives himself under the table. His right hand fishes for something hidden in his left sleeve and pulls it out. It was a long scroll of messy writing.

"Ahahah!" He slaps the scroll on the paper. The title read, 60 Impressive Ways to Be Romantic. "Mr Zhongli, you will not regret following these simple steps! You're already the man, but now you'll be... the better man! It works 100%"

"Preposterous," Zhongli chuckles. "I don't think I need this to win over [Name's] heart."

"Dude, [Name] bro-zoned you yesterday."

The wind brings the sound of laughter to Zhongli's ears, as if mocking him. Sometimes, he really wanted to punch the wind.

...

Tartaglia's way of showing romance seems to cost a fortune. Zhongli knows at this point this is one of Tartaglia's entertainment, because halfway through the scroll it scribbled, "AFFORDABLE ways to be romantic :)"

...

You come home to rose petals littering your doorstep and silk flowers perching on your window. A little neat note is clipped in between the door and the door frame.

After working, all you wanted to do is sleep, so that is what you did. You were too tired to notice the change and left the letter falling on the floor.

Mission failed!

Childe pats Zhongli's pat like he was a rejected kid on the playground.

"So what? Maybe step number 38 just wasn't it. Let's skip to step 69."

"There's only 60 steps, though," Zhongli quickly points out.

"Oh.. just change the number 60 to 69. It'll be like 57, 58, 59, 69 and done!"

...

Step 45: Take them out on a nerd date.

Zhongli has already told you so much about his knowledge, he doesn't think there's much to do.

Step 48: Explore the unknown!

You almost fell in a ravine when you and Zhongli went out for a simple walk. No way was he going to let that happen again.

Step 52: How are you all the way here? Make their favourite dish!"

Hu Tao sabotaged a dish once and Zhongli proceeded to think he's a horrible chef.

Step 54: I'm out of ideas. Just don't be a wimp and place an arm over their shoulder while you're against a wall or something. What's the word.. kabedon?"

Zhongli notes the Inazuman term and sweat drops. Maybe Zhongli is a wimp. No he isn't, but he wouldn't know if you would be comfortable with that. He would like to make sure you feel safe around him before doing such things.

Step 60: You made it here, so I'm assuming nothing from the other steps worked. Just ask them out and be direct. If you're rejected then I'm here!

"Well? Why do you like them to begin with?" Childe questions Zhongli one day with a palm resting under his chin.

Golden eyes soften when describing details that make you one of a kind as Childe takes out a quill, ink and a paper.

The next day, Childe ushers Zhongli to meet you. He shoves Zhongli to your house and quietly waits in a bush, listening to what's going to happen.

Zhongli waits outside your doorstep, knocking. He does not have much with him, just a single glazed lily in one hand.

He waits a few moments and you open the door.

"Hi there, Zhongli!"

Zhongli lights up when he sees your bright aura.

"Hello-"

"You're late."

That went downhill really fast, but Zhongli is a man of patience. "I beg your pardon?..." he trails off, wondering what he was late for.

"The letter, the flowers, the little lunches you packed for me these days?" You explain, heaving a basket from inside and showing Zhongli the little collection of gifts he gave you. He thought random people got his gifts instead of you because it would always be gone by the next day without ever seeing you take it.

Zhongli clears his throat, honestly flustered that you took care of his gifts with great care, even placing it in a delicate basket. By delicate, the fanciest looking basket out there.

He reaches for your hand, gently placing a Glazed Lily. "What am I late for?"

You walk back inside, carefully placing the Glazed Lily in a vase and come outside with a blue letter. You curiously ask, "Did you not send this letter?"

Zhongli looks at the letter with a smile gracing his face. In your hand is a blue letter with a small whale stamp in the corner.

To my dearest,

I do not wish to keep my feelings for you caged in. I'm not one to forget many things, but when I am with you, I seem to forget all the pain this world has caused me.

At times I feel unreachable or unapproachable to many people. At times I feel I may never fit in this new life in Liyue I chose, but when you show me the thousands of reasons why I need to stay, I stay for you. I realize when I am not with you, Liyue is dull. When I am not with you, I am cold, but when I am with you, I am full of warmth and happiness.

Your eyes that tell me more stories than I can imagine are stunning. The smile that comes with it tops it all off. Your awful jokes and horrible sense of humour make me at peace, showing me there is a little humour in everything.

I wish I can go on and list more, but my ink is running short.

I simply adore you, my dear.

I can only hope you feel the same for me. My gifts for you are material, but my love for you will be eternal.

Would you be able to free yourself to spend the day with me tomorrow by noon?

Yours,

Zhongli

note: JHDSJNDSDNALNDAHJHDNMDSNMAMNDNMF,,C,MVMNXCVNVCNMCVXNMCVXNMCNMM,JDFSLDFNMSKDAFJJFDKREY3RKNLFDFSNMDDAJLNLAALKADPODMKLCXBEGHRGHGNML

you read it this far EHHDAHDHJ HOW

(childe's pov)

[vortexparadox]

@dochaes​ said: (from here because I felt awkward reblogging it)

🍒  +  @vortexparadox  lexi has so much love for so many characters & a talent to writing them all! specifically on this blog, i love that they are giving attention to several less popular characters from doctor who. like, i’m into classic and eu who and i didn’t even know all of these muses, and alas, now i am into even more eu who just because? wanted to learn more about, say, josie! all thanks to lexi’s portrayal! they are immensely awesome ooc as well. one of the few people i feel like i can fully trust with more sensitive private things, and also someone who i don’t feel the need to be scared i’m gonna lose when i have long stretches of time where i feel so overwhelmed by social interaction i just don’t talk ooc to anybody. that’s genuinely rare.

Okay, to completely derail all this right from the start, but can I just say how this was my immediate response to seeing myself referred to by they/them pronouns?

Now, on to the continued lovefest, because OMG, HELI!!!!!

I love that, of everyone on this blog, you singled out Josie, because she is seriously one of the most underrated companions in Doctor Who, especially since Eight never got a proper televised run, and then so many people just... ignore the comics altogether, which is a damn shame given how many great characters (and characterisations of more well known characters) come out of them - especially from the Titan Comics’s side of things.

Josie’s run only lasted five issues, because they never gave them a “Year 2″ or further like they did with many of the other Doctor & Companion(s) combinations (like Ten with Gabby and Cindy). So beyond that and a handful of panels in some of the specials, there’s not a lot to go by past her initial travels with the Doctor as he learns just who exactly she even is. Add to it that she’s one of the non-human companions that is also forever removed from her place in time and space, and one of the few companions that, insofar as canon has been concerned with, doesn’t die or nothing horrible happens, so she just... keeps living in the Doctor’s cottage in Wales for the foreseeable future? A truly rare “happy ending” for a companion, even when forced to stay behind due to the Time War? Yeah. It was impossible for me not to fall in love with her.

Plus all of the expanded universe stuff is always... a bit harder to gain traction with, especially outside of their tiny niche fandoms. Part of the whole reason I decided to focus so heavily on the EU and Classic side of things is because there’s so little of it on here, especially in the rpc side of things. Plus having more than the same core cast of characters, when there are literally hundreds of main cast characters in the DWEU, yet more often than not, you can only find the same handful of characters in terms of both rp and even fan works?

I can only really speak for myself here, but I thoroughly enjoy variety, and having a wider range of characters, all with varying personalities (which, let me tell you, can be a bitch to manage at times, especially when they do share some traits between a lot of them [hi, my name is Lexi, and I enjoy writing snarky little shits]) is not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination. Especially when so many people aren’t even aware some of these characters even exist - like Josie, Gabby, Cindy, or Noobis (the last of whom actually existed before his appearance in the comics, but through one of the Faction Paradox audios, but he didn’t get as much of his backstory explored until the comics).

So yeah, it means a lot to me that these muses are appreciated, and I love you dearly for getting into their source material so I have someone to scream excitedly about them (especially Josie) with because there’s not many people who even know them beyond my writing, edits, and such. (See also: reasons why I typically don’t share hc’s unless I’m really excited about something without being specifically asked for them...)

As for the ooc side of things... 

I can’t even begin to tell you how relieved I am that you realise all that. You’re damn right in that - you don’t have to worry about ever losing me just because we don’t talk for a while. It’s always baffled me when people perceive friendships as having... expiration dates, I guess? Or maybe subscription end dates would be a better analogy? Like “we’re sorry, you didn’t use your friendship for 30 days, so now we’re ending your friendship”. Seriously? 

I have friends who I only speak to every few months because their schedules are just that hectic, but I don’t love them any less for not being able to talk to me regularly. I know that I can always message them - and even wall of text them - at any time, and they’re able to do the same with me, and it’s never been awkward. These are friends I’ve held onto for damn near 20 years now from when I was fresh out of high school, and I’m confident that they’ll still be there in another 20 years.

And I look forward to being able to say that about you (and Dean) too, many years down the road. You’re stuck with me now. And my inevitable sappiness when I end up all “aww, you guys! I love you~” because I do. Love you, that is.

You’re a dear friend, and I’m just so glad we managed to stumble across each other on this hellsite. It just wouldn’t be the same without you. 💕

[shananigans402]

1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)

I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2. 

3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)

4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.

7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt 

8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad. 

12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷‍♀️

13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.

14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)

15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂

16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko 

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!​

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady. 

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!

38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.

39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)

43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated? 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha

46. Are you reliable? I try to be!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)

48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations. 

In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.

51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone. 

52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer. 

58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕

64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans. 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:

In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.

[fantasy-muffin-author]

Writing Advice: 10 Worst Experiences During the Writing Process😭

The experiences to prepare for, and to relate to during the writing process. Good luck fellow author! 

10. When you are trying to think of the perfect word thats right at the tip of your tongue. (Its worse when you loose the word all together)

This one is at number 10 because it is horrible, but you are still mentally active and not ready to cry yourself to sleep. Though it stinks!

Solution:

Think of a similar word, usually the second one on your mind and look for synonyms on google or other sources. The word you're looking for or a better one may come up. If not than either choose one of the options or look for synonyms of another similar word.

9. When you write something that may not be correct so you research the topic for an hour. (I’m not talking about the big stuff you should have looked into before you started writing, exp: cultures, I mean basically meaningless stuff)

This has happened to me twice (once about horses and once about how to grill a pig) It’s second on the list because it takes up more time than the first one and it’s annoying. But usually not demotivating.

Solution: 

Do not do it.

8. When you read an article or watch a video about writing and realize you have been doing it wrong the entire time. 

Do I have to explain?

Solution:

Take in the advice if you like it and continue on with your book using the advice but do not go back and change what you have already written. Leave that to your editor self.

7. When you are irresolute (look it up) because of a family/friend. colleague/ exd’s opinion. (I mean they talk down at you for being a writer, or something similar)

This is hard on our feelings box and/or heartbreaking. But this list is mostly my opinions and since I haven’t felt the crush of this fully, its higher. I am sorry for those who have been hurt.

Solution:

Don’t listen to them! In fact, let it fuel you. Show them who can do what! Or who can be successful! You can do anything!

6. When you feel overwhelmed. This may be because you can’t make yourself forget that you have so much to do before finishing the book. Maybe your busy.

The editing, marketing, and paying are what overwhelm me. The writing phase is not particularly easy, but it was less stressful for myself. It may not be the case for you. You may still have chapters to finish, a world to build, characters to create. It could be very stressful.

Solution:

Make it fun! Make it a game and your going through the levels. Once your done creating your world and characters, you can finally write! The thing you have been waiting for months! 

Remember, you are building your world. Enjoy every moment of it. Because one day, you will finish your book or series and you have to say goodbye to your baby and creation. Enjoy it while it lasts!

5. Losing motivation to write.

Are you surprised this is only half way down the list? I’m not. Even though this is horrible, it's not the worst thing. There are simple solutions.

Solution:

It may be different for everyone but here's a few ideas that are good for me.

1.Start writing. Yep. If you just write, that motivation will soon come back. (This works best if you are very familiar with your characters)

2. Look back through your notes and future plans. Get excited, again, for your book or series.

3.Watch videos and read articles about writing 😉, they can help you get through the problem or just be fun.

4. Remind yourself why you want to write and why writings fun. its different for everyone but reading is an example.

5. Sleep, be healthy, socialize, get sunlight and fresh air, exercise. These can clear your mind, get you in a good mood and helps your overall day.

4. When you realize your dialog sucks or unnatural. 

This may not be as bad as some of the others I already mentioned, but dialog can help or ruin a book. Dialog can spark ideas of character development, relationships, sub-plots, or even how to continue the overarching plot. But if you do it wrong, it can take forever to fix.

3. When you are stuck.    You want to write but you can’t think of anything. I like to call this Writer’s Traffic instead of Writer's block. 

This is one of the worst case of scenarios for me as a writer because I want to write but instead I am staring at a computer screen.

Solution:

Skip the scene. Skip the next few lines. Leave a note for yourself so you can come back to it at a better time. 

2. When you realize you don’t know your characters enough.

It's hard to admit, but when your character is inconsistent and its not part of their personality then you have a problem. You may even have to rewrite most of your book if you’re far in. If you don’t know your characters and your on chapter 4 then stop now and save yourself.

Solution: 

Do character questionnaires, explain anything important in their past. Anything traumatic they have experienced, their personality, how they would react in a certain situation. It’s really important to know their background (Note: You need to know, not your readers unless necessary) 

Link to a character questionnaires. https://www.writerswrite.co.za/prousts-questionnaire-35-questions-every-character-should-answer/    also they got some awesome writing advice!

1.DUN DUN DUN!THE LAST ONE! When your writing (or lack of) has an effect on you daily life and you feel absolutely miserable.

You would be surprised how often this happened to me, It’s almost like a heavy depressed feeling that makes it painful to basically do anything. 

Maybe it's outside writing that makes you feel this way but you just can’t write. Everything is dull and grim, your head hurts or you have no motivation to do anything.

You just can’t.

Solution:

Use your miserableness as a motivation. You want to get rid of it, right? Then you must do what helps. Here's a few tricks. 

1. Drink water. Perhaps your dehydrated.

2. Exercise. This one is really helpful on more than your emotions. Do this before considering taking a nap, because naps can make it worse.

3. Go to bed earlier. If your like me than your nocturnal but if you simply go to bed at 10 then you will feel much better in the morning. I suggest reading or doing something other than look at a screen before going to bed. Screens can make it troublesome to fall asleep.

4. Socializing. You may be awkward but at least you have a mother? A father? Grandparents? A best friend? Siblings? Random people online? Anyone who can distract you, and make you feel better. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a pleasant conversation, just one that won’t bring you down. Socializing can make you feel so much better.

5. Get a horrible beta reader. (this is a joke...kind of) A beta reader is a person who reads your book or a chapter and gives feedback. A good beta reader is honest and gives praise and criticism. This is what I meant for a bad beta reader. Someone who you trust who will probably be scared to hurt your feelings. Even though it might not be true, positive feedback will help. 

That is all I have! I hoped you enjoyed! Have a Fantastic day! I will be posting again soon!

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Hurt, part 14 (E.D.)

Summary: Back home, Ethan and Y/N show just close they’ve gotten.

Warnings: ANGST, fluff, smuttish, talk of depression and anxiety

Word Count: 3100

Hurt - Masterlist

''You know I can feel you're shaking, right?“ Y/N giggled into Ethan's neck, her arms loosening slightly as he continued to carry her inside the house.

''No clue what you're talking about. You're as light as a feather.“ He countered, his voice a little strained.

The past month has been spent in the hospital, in the spirit of horrible food and sneaking in pizzas, a ridiculous amount of tests and a lot of lying down. Ethan learned to sleep on the small bed they've added to her room, his hand always outstretched toward her bed in case she needed him during the night because he knew he wouldn't wake up by her voice alone unless she was screaming at him. But, as long and scary as it was, they were finally cleared to return home to rest – their actual home.

''Do you think we're moving a bit too fast?“ Y/N asked, a little lost in thought. She knew she'd never let Ethan so close had it not been for the pregnancy, more importantly, had it not been for all the complications. Reading how people connect deeply in stressful situations in short amounts of time is one thing, but to feel it all happen to her? That felt like skydiving without a parachute.

''I don't know. As far as I'm concerned, nothing is too fast or too slow as long as you let me hold your hand like this.“ Smiling softly, Ethan glanced at their intertwined fingers, giving her a light squeeze of reassurement. He had been more than happy to eat crappy hospital food and sleep on a bed that barely fit him, all if it allowed him to be with her.

''Are you having doubts?“ Ethan was almost afraid to ask, she could tell, but it was an obvious follow-up question. She could see it in his eyes, the flames of his love burning bright and the ones that represented his pain flickering right beneath. He's struggling, even now when he's holding her hand as if nothing was ever wrong to begin with.

''No! Never.“ She was quick to correct his thinking, deciding to take the plunge and just say what's been on her mind since she learned she could go home soon. She did want to go home, her actual home.

''I was just thinking if...if you'd have a problem with me moving back home? I'd take the guest room or something?“ For a moment she expected Ethan to pull his hand back or break eye contact or run off where she could not follow. She expected he'd tell her to go to hell for playing with his feelings and not letting him in without making every doorknob a razorwire that could lead to her heart. She thought he'd say something to turn her down, but instead, she saw his face light up brighter than it did when she accepted his proposal.

''You can have the master bedroom. I haven't slept there in months anyway.“ Ethan lifts her hand up, kissing the back of it tenderly – once, twice, three times as she shook her head with a fond smile.

''But I'd like you to be in the room too. I'm not sure I'd quite be comfortable with sharing a bed, but...I'm scared of being alone in case something happens and I can't get to you.“ She excused, knowing fully it's not entirely a lie, but it certainly wasn't the only reason why she wanted him there. In fact, she'd have asked him to share the bed too, but baby steps they've been taking have clearly been working and she feared they would run before learning to walk and how that might affect them.

''No problem! I'll have Grayson move a couch in and it's gonna be fine!“ Smiling like two very shy teenage kids, Ethan and Y/N looked at each other as if it were for the first time. Sure, they're both a little older and a little rougher around the edges now, but they like they're reintroduced to one another. It felt like a fresh start.

''Katie, sweetie...You have to let Y/N rest.“ Clara tried to talk her daughter into leaving Y/N's arm alone. The moment Ethan put her down on the bed, little Katie attached herself to her right arm and refused to let go.

''Katie, you know I'm okay, right? I'm not sick and I'm not going anywhere. You're just going to have three cousins to play with.“ Y/N spoke sweetly, her left hand running up and down Katie's back to soothe her worries.

''I'll be resting in my bed with ice cream a lot. I'd say it's a win-win situation after all.“ Exclaiming, Y/N giggled too in her desire to show she's truly doing better than it seems.

''Really? Can I have some too?“ Lifting her head, Grayson's big brown eyes meet Y/N's and she melts at the sight. Soon enough, she could have Ethan's big brown eyes stare at her from three different tiny humans and she couldn't wait for her fantasies to become reality.

''Of course! But for now, I really need my arm back.“ Chuckling, Y/N managed to get a smile on Katie's face and her arm back – a little colder and worn out though. As they walked out to leave her resting, Y/N took a moment to look around.

Ethan had taken care of everything. The walls were painted a different color – a gentle shade of purple, the curtains matching was probably Clara's doing, the bed was different too – from the actual bed to the mattress to the sheets. She thought it to be his way of cleansing the last of Bianca's spirit from the house, a way for him to tell her this was her room, her house, her husband.

''Everyone's gone and I have some awesome food in the kitchen. Full disclosure, I'll have to send photos of you eating to mom, both my grandma's and Clara, since they agreed it's the only way I can make them leave us alone for a while.“ Ethan sat beside her on the bed, his weight dipping the mattress toward him and her as well. She didn't mind when her thigh touched him, nor when his hand wrapped around hers on instinct. She was comfortable with him touching her. She craved his touch, his affection and loving kisses. She missed it all.

''You know my mother never liked you?“ Y/N begins and Ethan's eyes widen in shock and his jaw falls, leaving his mouth open.

''I THOUGHT SHE ADORED ME!“ Ethan exclaimed, a little too loudly for comfort but he genuinely couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Moving aside, Y/N lowered her head down on the pillow, patting the spot next to her for him to take.

''Yeah. When she met you, she told me you're a fuckboy and you'd ruin my life.''

Ethan laid on his side, chewing his bottom lip anxiously. ''I had no idea. I really thought your family loved me. Why'd you marry me then?“ He looked up at her with those big brown eyes that look so deeply into her own.

''You were a YouTuber then and she saw your Instagram page. I guess she was just worried about me. When I told her I think you're my forever, she never brought it up again. My dad loves you. He's still your number one fan.'' She tried to console, noticing his pensive look melt into a smile and she knew he wasn't as upset anymore.

A pause ensued, the two just looking at each other silently like there was a whole new level of closeness developing. Usually, they'd both look away and smile shyly, but neither of them wanted to miss anything – not a single moment of the beauty the other person possessed.

But there were some questions they both needed answers to and while Ethan got all of his about Edward and why he was no longer around almost immediately in the hospital, Y/N had been holding off out of fear of having Ethan change his mind about it all – about her.

''You never had sex with Bianca. True or not?“ She had heard it from her, and she had heard it from Grayson, but Ethan never said anything. He hadn't said a word about how far he went with that woman or how deep his feelings reached. Judging by the way his eyes fell to their hands for a moment, Y/N felt there might be some cause for concern.

Looking back up to her eyes, Ethan shook his head. ''No. But I won't lie to you and say I didn't try. Because I did. I just...Every time I touched her, I wanted it to be you. And I was painfully aware she's not. I didn't love her. I didn't even care about her or anyone at the time. You're the only one who crossed my mind and that's all I remember clearly. The rest was just...going through motions. I spent a lot of my time drunk or high and the first moment of clarity since you left was the moment I saw your head bleeding after you passed out.“

Nodding, she pressed her lips together as she narrowed her eyes at him ever so slightly.

''That day I left...when we were in bed, you were still telling me you love me. How real was that?“ Those whispers of his haunted her constantly. Not only was he whispering the sweetest proclamations of love as he thrusted into her so slowly, so affectionately like nothing else mattered in the world but their well-rehearsed dance, but it was also the last time he said it before everything fell apart. She felt haunted by that day, that morning in particular.

''My therapist said that it's remarkable how close and intimate we are as a couple. She said it's probably what kept my depression at bay for so long and how I managed to keep myself together. She quite literally called you my shield against the darkness. Apparently, an orgasm is better than antidepressants and those were also my moments of clarity – where I did and said exactly what I felt. It was real for me.“

Y/N tried not to smile at the analogy of being his shield against the dark. She tried so hard not to smile and let it be as obvious as it was that his words have definitely melted some of the lasting ice around her heart. Those words have chased away her fears and all she could see is him. He wasn't clouded by the ghosts of the past or tears she had shed in her agony. She could see Ethan Dolan and the vulnerable, honest eyes more clearly than ever before.

''When's the last time you had an orgasm?“ A ballsy question escaped her and her curiosity peaked when he closed his eyes and held his breath. He seemed mortified by her question as if she had asked something he'd rather never talk about. But before she could apologize and tell him this questions can be skipped, Ethan let the answer slip.

''With you. Almost eight months ago.“ Avoiding eye contact, Ethan turned on his back and looked up at the ceiling instead of Y/N. He felt his cheeks burn, embarrassed and a little humiliated by the fact.

''I'm a lot more fucked up than you think I am. I'm broken. My penis doesn't even work. Every day I hope and pray you'd let me in again, let me kiss you and hold you. But then I remember I can't satisfy you anymore and that scares the crap out of me. If I can't give you the pleasure and intimacy we used to have, how can I ever be with you?“

There's a moment between action and consequence, eternal and fleeting. It's when whatever you did has occurred but the reaction is yet to come. She knew no words could comfort him now. Ethan believed he was broken. He believed there wasn’t a way to fix him, that he was unworthy, somehow less manly. No words she speaks will change his mind, but actions would.

‘’Close your eyes.” She ordered, turning to her side as glanced at her, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pressed tightly together as if he was trying to figure her out.

‘’I don’t see why –“, He had started his overly defensive speech, but Y/N had a point to make.

‘’Do you trust me?” She cut him off, placing her right hand on his chest, right above his unnaturally fast heartbeat.

‘’With my life.” His response didn’t surprise her. The sweet, non-questioning tone he used had her heart speed up as well. He was always sexiest when he was unashamed to be real with her, even if he was as soft as Bambi when he did.

‘’Then please close your eyes for me and relax.” Nodding, Ethan closed his eyes and squirmed nervously as he awaited her next move. Y/N could be a little unpredictable, always. More often than not, Ethan had no way to assume what she’d do next and he certainly never thought that when his eyes closed, he’d feel her hand move from his chest to his abdomen – slowly, but with purpose. His eyes snapped open the very moment her fingers brushed his cock, feeling her touch despite the sweatpants and boxer briefs set in place. His hand grabbed onto her wrist instinctively and he looked back at her mischievous eyes and saw something he hadn’t in a long while. She knew all his fears and faults now, yet she still didn’t care or she simply didn’t understand.

‘’It won’t work. It just won’t.” He spoke in a rushed manner, relenting his hold on her wrist in fear of hurting her.

‘’Close your eyes and breathe. Can you do that for me?” She raised an eyebrow in expectation and while he didn’t think anything would come of it, he could at least relax and let her take a leap of faith she clearly needed. Ethan accepted his condition, assuming it’s either because of depression or antidepressants, but if she wanted to try something, he wouldn’t fight her on it. In fact, he thought it might bring them closer together and if a little embarrassment was all he needed to contribute to that, he’d do it.

Closing his eyes again, Ethan drew in a deep breath. His cheeks were burning, eyes desiring to open but refrained from doing so.

She took her time too. While she couldn’t really move much and sex would be out of the question regardless of the risky pregnancy, Y/N had something in mind. She let her fingers run along his cock slowly in brushing, feather-like manner. She made her movements deliberately slow and lazy and by the way his cock began to twitch, she knew he still reacted the same when she touched him.

Placing her palm over his clothed member, she continued her torturous moves, adding a little pressure to which Ethan’s mouth opened and shuddered breath escaped him. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration and she smiled.

His fingers clenched, suddenly needing to touch her seemingly soft and smooth skin, but he knew he couldn’t. In fact, he was afraid if he tried she would stop and the feeling she provided was divine, enough for him to resist. His heart drummed inside his ears, blood rushing to his lower region and he knew she would prove him wrong. She always did.

A low, deep moan spilled out of his mouth as her hand moved across his crotch skillfully, knowing exactly what he liked. But when she hooked her fingers into the waistband and pulled it down just enough to free his semi-hardened cock, Ethan had to open his eyes.

His blush intensified as his eyes fell on her hand, seeing precum at his tip and the satisfied smile on her lips as she licked them carefully. He shifted his gaze on her face, watching the red hues that adorned her cheeks, realizing she’s feeling shy about this too – it wasn’t just him.  It felt like their first time all over again when Ethan had managed to give her a concussion by throwing her on the bed, trying to fake confidence. How was he supposed to know she would bounce right off the bed and into the nightstand?

‘’Your eyes are opened.” She mumbled, lips pressing against his chin while her hand grabbed the base of his cock. His breath hitched in his throat as she began to stroke him, painfully slow. She felt him harden against her palm, relinquishing all control as he twitched in her hand, completely at her mercy.

‘’I wanted to remember this.”  Hearing a low groan from him that traveled all the way to her core, she picked up the pace. Ethan kept his eyes on her, intently watching as her hand pleasured him before shifting his eyes back to her face, noticing just how close she way. Swallowing emptily, he grabbed her wrist, stopping her stroking movements. It’s not like he didn’t want her to continue, but if he came then everything would end, and he wanted for this moment to last longer. He didn’t care if his cock was hurting, begging for release, he didn’t want for it to end.

‘’You want to remember when I proved your wrong? When I showed you weren’t broken? Because you’re not. You got a little lost Ethan, but you’re back on the right path and you need to trust me when I say that I’m doing all I can to light your way back home.

‘’Y-YES. That’s not all I want to remember. I just want to remember the moment you decided I was worth saving.’’

And she did because, after nearly eight months of being unable to get hard, Ethan got his release that night. But he got a lot more than just that. He had a piece of her back too. While she was ready to forgive, forgetting was a little harder to do, but she decided to fully open her heart for him again. She decided to take a chance on the man who had spent the night rubbing her back and peppering her face with kisses. She decided to let the past go and let him make things better, piece by piece.

However, just a week later, he had something else to worry about entirely.

‘’ETHAN?!” She screamed for him to wake, unable to reach the light on her own and while he wasn’t a heavy sleeper since they returned home, Ethan felt out of sorts as he jerked awake at her call.

‘’WHAT? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?!” He screamed as well, turning the light switches up to see better, but when he did, his eyes widened.

‘’SOMETHING DID HAPPEN. YEAH! MY WATER BROKE!”

Tags: @melodiesforari @brittttneyyyy @beautorigin  @dolandolll @xalayx @godlydolans @heyits-claire @peacedolantwins @dolanstwintuesday @accalialionheart @ethanhes @lanadeldolans @ebbach-03 @dolangels  @xxaamzxx @cutestdolans @yaren-ates @dolansmith @vintagebitttch @primadolangirl @caqsicle @jjustjoy @justordinaryjen @graydolan12 @imaginashawnns @graysonslovie @fandomsfeministsandothershit @bdsmdolan @graysavant @ethanspillow @dopedoodes @anything-dolan  @sugarfootdolan @joyrivh @reblogserpent @luvdols​ @emiemille  @herewegoagainandagainandagain​ @adventureswithmell

[chaotic-yeet]

every single fucking one yobi

Hey Strawberry, you asked for this

Do you ever doubt anyone else's existence other than your own: Not really no

On a scale of 1-5 how afraid of the dark are you: 5+ I have nyctophobia so it's extremely bad for me

The person you would never want to meet: Does knowing them and no longer speaking count? An old friend of mine, I hope I never see her again

What is your favorite word: I'm actually not sure, I have a few ones I like to say because I pronounce them wrong, but I don't think I have a favorite

If you were a type of tree, what kind would you be: Maybe a birch tree? They're my favorite kind in minecraft sooo

When you looked in the mirror this morning, what did you first think: "Damn I need to wash my face more"

What shirt are you wearing:. A Mammoth one! It's dark gray, has a bear on the back and front chest area, and has blue, pink, and purple fade on it (the bi flag!)

What do you label yourself as: a fuckin bastard or dumbass thats what

Bright room or dark room: I have sensitive eyes so a dark room, but with either soft light or nightlight, I hate complete darkness

What were you doing at midnight last night: Talking to @the-strawzish-clownfish , while being on call with @psychotic-roach he had fallen asleep

Favorite age you've been so far: 13 probably, which sounds weird, but my mental health got better that year (it didn't stay that way but eh)

Who told you they loved you last: @psychotic-roach !! And I love you too (once you read this :D)

Your worst enemy: Myself and an old friend I mentioned in like, question 3

What's your current desktop picture: On my main laptop it's a Marble Hornets fanart (that I adore) and on my Chromebook it's some space doodles in the bi colors

Do you like someone: Fuck yes I do, @psychotic-roach you're fucking great and deserve the world

The last song you listened to: Deku Palace remix! I'm a huge EDM/ Trap fan, combine it with Zelda music and I'm hooked!

You can press a button to make one specific person explode, who would you pick: Old friend from before

Who would you really just love to punch in the face: Many, many people

If anyone could be your slave for the day, who would it be and what would they do: Well probably a close friend of mine, and I'd have him play smash with me and make pancakes with me (basically beg him to hang out even though it's quarantine so we can have fun again)

What's your best physical attribute: Probably my hair, it's dyed purple and used to be shaved

If you were the opposite sex for a day, what would you look like and what would you do: I'd probably look the same just taller and less curves, and I'd probably jerk off or go on some 3am walk because fuck it I can

Do you have a secret talent: I don't think so, I have a shitty memory, but not when it comes to naming ninjago episodes, @the-strawzish-clownfish can verify

What is one unique thing you're afraid of: Touching Rays, any kind, especially the ones at aquariums that come up to the tank wall that you can pet

You can only have one kind of sandwich, every ingredient is at your disposal: Well call me white, but my usual, white bread turkey and shredded cheese. That's it. I'm super lame.

You just found $100 how are you gonna spend it: Save it, I always save hundreds without hesitation

You just got a free plane ticket to go anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately: Uh, probably Georgia to see some family

Basically an Angel says I'll give you lost of booze forever be specific: Uh, fuck I dunno I don't drink, Fuckin' Crown Royal for shits and giggles why not

An island in which you can make your own rules, what's the first: Stay on your own turf unless someone allows you to come in, unless it's emergency (and I know this rule will cause problems, it's a guideline at best)

What is your favorite expletive: Tie between Bullshit and Fuck, I absolutely love those two

Your house is on fire (but everyone is okay) what one object do you grab: Well, in my current room right now? My phone, I'll still have contact with people I love and have my art (the only thing I care about in here) with me too

You can erase any horrible experience from your past: Main one, I won't actually say allowed but Roach you know what it is, but one I can put on here, Probably some embarrassing thing I did, most like everyone else

You got kicked out of your country, where would you live: GERMANY! I love the German language and I'd absolutely love to go to Germany and live with it!

Death is a good dude and says you can choose who to bring back: My cat who died a few years ago, he was an awesome cat that didn't deserved to die at 6 years old

What was your last dream about: I have super long dreams, like so much goes on in them it's like a story, too long to type out, @psychotic-roach knows it. Long story short, Pirates and apartments under water

Are you a good (insert whatever): Am I a good, fuck I dunno let's do artists because it's easy. I think I do decent enough

Have you ever been admitted to the hospital: No, only when I was a newborn in the nicu because I wasn't latching right

Have you ever built a snowman: Nope, but my friend did and I watched. His snowman was tiny and got stepped on, my friend shed a few tears

What is the color or your socks: Not wearing any right now, but usually gray

What type of music do you like: EDM AND TRAP BABYYY IF IT'S LOUD I LOVE IT

Do you prefer sunrise or sunset: Sunset definitely, I burn easy so having the nice night air slowly come over with the stars is nice for me

Favorite milkshake flavor: Chocolate!

What football team do you support: American football? None. German Bundesliga teams? Stuttgart. We were assigned teams in my German class and that was mine! Stuttgart all the way!!

Do you have any scars: Yes, many. They range from self harm, to actual cat scratches, to me falling, and many more

What do you want to be when you graduate: No idea!

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Weight, I have bad self esteem so it's never enough

Are you reliable: Honestly, no. I have bad memory and I will forget if someone needs something

If you could ask your future self a question what would it be: How's Roach doing, and what's Oregon like?

Do you hold grudges: depends, mostly no, but sometimes yes

If you could breed two animals together and defy the laws of nature, what two would you breed: Uh good question, probably Cat and Opossum, really just to see what would happen

Most unusual conversation: Mental health stuff with my parents and therapist, more awkward than anything

Are you a good liar: Not really no depending on the person

How long could you go without talking: Well in quarantine all day, regular days though, maybe an hour at best, I absolutely love my friends, just only certain ones

What has been your worst haircut/ style: Back when it was longer than my shoulders and I wore it down. Except I never took care of it so it looked like shit.

Have you ever baked your own cake: Yes every birthday I make mine! I even had my friends help me with my most recent one!

Can you do any accent other than your own: maybe a southern one but no not really

What do you like on your toast: Nutella or cinnamon and sugar. I know, terrible for you

What is the last thing you drew a picture of: Uh me and @psychotic-roach and our pets but I'm self conscious about my art so I just didn't really show it to anyone (sorry Roach, I'm just super shy about my art!)

What would be your dream car: Me and my family had a running joke that I liked Tesla's, so probably a Tesla

Do you sing in the shower: No but I want to, I just don't like people hearing me sing

Do you believe in aliens: I believe we're not alone in the universe, weather it be new life billions of miles away or way advanced life a few galaxies away

Do you often read your horoscope: No, but astrology is fun to fuck with sometimes

What is your favorite letter of the alphabet: probably E or something, it's soothing in a weird way

Dinosaurs or dragons: DRAGONS DRAGONS I LOVE DRAGONS I'M A HUGE HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON NERD!!!

What do you think about babies: They're sweet sometimes, I'm honestly afraid of holding one or having to take care of one though

Freebie! Ask anything you can think of: I can't really think of anything so I guess just @psychotic-roach I love you!! @the-strawzish-clownfish thank you for these painful asks, they were fun :)

[lol-misantlery]

Yuletide 2019

Hello! I am misantlery on ao3.

Under the read more are specific details about what I want for Derry Girls, Mad Men, Queen’s Thief, Into the Spiderverse, Fleabag, and The Eagle.

General Likes

PINING, awkwardness, people being inexplicably fond of each other, breaking up/making up fic, people being emotionally repressed, denial, FORCED INTIMACY (pretending to be dating, bed sharing, huddling for warmth, trapped in elevator/closet/room together), amnesia fic, first times, hurt/comfort, trust issues, hooker aus, robot aus, happily ever afters.

I am good with g-rated or nc-17 rated fic, but if you’re comfortable writing porn here are some things I am into:

bad decision sex sexual experimentation fun/goofy/‘bad’ sex sex pollen intimacy issues

General Dislikes

rape/non con, alpha/beta/omega dynamics, mundane aus, soulmate marks aus, 24/7 BDSM, non canonical major character death, harm to animals, unhappy endings, mpreg, issuefic, harm to children.

If you want to know some more about what i’m into for each fandom/want some prompts, then keep reading but don’t stress about following each prompt to the letter or anything. They’re here for inspiration!

Why are you so into The Purge as a scenario???

Listen, this took me by surprise too. Explaining it now makes me sound like a crazy person. But I will try.

The Purge is a horror movie franchise, set in a dystopian near-future America where all crime is legal for one day a year, including murder. Pretty dark, edgy, violent stuff! I am not especially interested in the dark and grim sociopolitical realities of this situation, in case my prompts don’t make that clear. I am here for the absurdity, and in the case of most of these fandoms, for the weird and hilarious contrast between my requested fandom and the over the top violence of The Purge. You don’t even need to watch any of The Purge movies, because let’s be real, I don’t care about the world building or logistics here, and I’m not interested in a true crossover so much as I am in borrowing the “all crime is legal for a day” scenario. If any of the Purge prompts speak to you, read some wiki summaries and have at it.

Don’t feel obligated to write those prompts if these aren’t scenarios that appeal to you! And if you do write them, please, don’t make them super dark. Again, the appeal here is the absurdity, not the grim violence of it all.

Derry Girls: Erin Quinn, Clare Devlin, Michelle Mallon, James Maguire

Let me start off by saying you don’t need to include all four in a fic if you don’t want to! I’m perfectly happy with any configuration you end up putting together. If you want to include all the gang, that’s great too! I love everybody nominated so feel free to go wherever your imagination takes you.

I love how the group will spend all day making fun of each other but always come together when it counts. I would definitely enjoy you keeping with the show and doing something with that. Everyone going up on stage to perform with Orla and James realizing that he belongs as a Derry Girl are two of my favorite scenes.

Prompts:

Erin/Clare: I would love a fic where Erin and Clare really do go to prom together instead of the whole thing with Mae and John Paul. Maybe they go for real, or maybe Erin goes as her fake date to support her and then they have to continue the charade after prom. Erin would definitely do a lot of research and throw herself fully into being the best lesbian she could be, which obviously would include practicing kissing Clare a whole lot. I love a good fake dating fic that has the couple accidentally catching feelings. I also love the idea of everyone thinking she’s just making a statement and her dad being the only one to realize her feelings are for real.

I also love the idea of them bonding over a crush on Ms. De Brun, either after the first time or having her roll back into town and Erin going full Dean Pelton “This better not awaken anything in me.”

Michelle/James: I’m very into their combative but loving relationship. Michelle asking him to stay in the finale *__* I’m also very much into introducing a cousinfucking aspect but if you aren’t, don’t worry. I also enjoy how they are in the show, so if you keep their relationship at that level I’ll still be perfectly happy. If you are into it, Michelle totally gives off a “stop making love to me while I’m trying to fuck you” vibe and I would really enjoy seeing how annoyed she would be to realize he was more than just a ride to her.

Michelle gets caught in a time loop and has to figure out how to escape it. Maybe she lets James leave Derry all those other times and the version we see is the one she got right. Or maybe James and Michelle both get caught up in a loop and try increasingly ridiculous schemes to get out of it.

Or maybe Michelle’s mom gave up James’ room when she thought he was leaving with his mom and now James and Michelle have to share a room. They have to deal with all the feelings the finale brought up.

If you are more inspired by one of the other configurations please go for it. I loved James being instantly on Clare’s side when she came out. Finding out how Michelle and/or Erin and/or Clare’s friendship started would be fun. I liked James coming through for Erin when she got stood up. If you are more inspired by James and Erin please keep it platonic. I like them just as friends. I’m definitely open to James, Michelle, and Erin being queer/bi/etc if you’re interested in including that in any of these prompts.

Something based on this post: https://v1als.tumblr.com/post/187672633662/meanwhile-in-the-other-derry . If this appeals to you please go as wild as you want. Fic about the Derry Girls bullying a clown to death? Awesome! Fic about Mary Quinn beating the shit out of a dumb clown with a frying pan or Sister Michael being incredibly unimpressed by It? Love it. If you want to go to an angsty place I’m into it but I would prefer it doesn’t end with anybody perma-dead. I'd be equally happy with ships or no ships for this. No need to bring in the rest of the It characters unless you feel like it.

Mad Men: Bob Benson, Pete Campbell

This is probably my forever yuletide fandom! The show’s been over for a while now, but I still have an enormous soft spot for the love story of Bob and Pete, and would read any number of variations on it.

I don’t mind if you ignore certain parts of canon (s7) or go canon divergent, you can also follow canon if want (Bob shows up in Wichita??) GO WILD.

Shipping Bob/Pete began as a joke for me, but I do ship it for real. I like that Bob is all *_________* about Pete and Pete is simultaneously disgusted and intrigued. He might not be gay, but he’s definitely into someone who’s into him.

Also, if you just want to write about Bob I’d be really interested in his past and what the whole “manservant” deal was. We pretty much know nothing about him and I’d be interested in some backstory, but I’m not exactly looking for Bob/OMC PWP. In case it seemed that way!

btw, https://vimeo.com/132033248 is a supercut of all Bob/Pete scenes (pw: kneetouching). Enjoy!

Prompts:

Fake dating: The CEO of a big company is secretly gay and Pete thinks pretending to be gay will form a bond of solidarity that will give him an edge, but the CEO mistakes this for interest and Pete scrambles to come up with an excuse to get out of doing anything gay and he comes up with, “I have a lover! You may have met him…”

They go to a gay bar lolz and awkwardness ensue.

Pete molds Bob into the Perfect Ad Man and falls for him in the process. Basically “My Fair Lady” with a hillbilly and sodomy.

Groundhog day fic: Pete has to go through the same day again and again, tries to get help from Ken, Peggy, etc, and then comes to the realization that only Bob believes him.

Bob is a conman who starts out trying to seduce Pete as part of a long con, but ends up falling in love.

what if Bob is a spy who mistakes Pete for his contact because Pete compliments his tie? what kind of spy and mistaken identity shenanigans could ensue?

What if Bob and Pete + the Purge??? I feel like Bob would do well. He’s got secrets. Maybe one of those secrets is a facility with weaponry. Also, sodomy wasn’t legal in New York until the 1980s. What if someone in the office awkwardly asks Bob what he’s going to do during the Purge and Pete is appalled, because how uncouth! Everyone knows you don’t ask people what they’re going to do during the Purge! And then Bob makes some veiled comment about how he always spends his Purges banging dudes, and Pete is horribly Intrigued because sex stuff is never a Purge thing he’d thought of.

Queen’s Thief - Megan Whalen Turner: Gen, Attolia

I love these books, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I love Attolia, Gen, and their relationship best. I didn't see the twist where Gen confessed his love to Attolia coming at all the first time I read it and I frantically read to the end to make sure that everything turned out ok. As soon as I got there, I flipped to the front and started again. Somewhere between that moment and when I reached that scene on the stairs again, they became one of my all time OTPs. To be honest, it was probably when she cut off his hand.

I just love them so much, with how ruthless Attolia is and how clever Gen is, and all I want is a fic that focuses on them and their sort of messed up dynamic and that will be enough. I also love Kamet/Costis and would be happy to see something about them in addition to some Gen/Attolia content. I'm open to canon divergent AUs, but, please, no AUs where Attolia doesn't cut off his hand.

Prompts:

Part of what I love so much about this pairing is how terrifyingly competent they are together, and what a good team they make. So I’d love a fic about something like, what if some of their barons are stupid enough to think that Gen and Attolia can be turned on each other? Obviously Gen and Attolia have to go crush them together.

They have to go on some kind of diplomatic visit to Eddis or Sounis or maybe something further afield and absolutely nothing goes as planned. Again, show me how terrifyingly competent they are! Or just go for the lolz: how hilariously wrong can things go, and how do Gen and Attolia deal with it? You can also go the action/adventure route: do they have to get themselves out of a sticky situation by fighting or sneaking around?

Speaking of sneaking around: I’m also into the many possibilities of the scenario where Gen teaches Attolia how to sneak into his bedroom for once. Sexy, funny, emotional, all of the above, I’m into any of it!

Part of the messed up dynamic that I love with these two is how fear and love and guilt are all mixed up together for them, after Attolia cuts off her hand. So I’d be really interested in anything about how/if Gen gets over his fear of Attolia in bed or not, but maybe definitely at least in part through sex.

And because I’ve got a soft spot for Costis and Kamet: Gen and Attolia attend Costis and Kamet's wedding, in disguise or not. Maybe it makes them think of their own wedding! Maybe everyone just reflects sappily on True Love! Or maybe someone gets up to shenanigans!  It’s up to you, dear writer!

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse: May Parker, Olivia Octavius

"My friends call me Liv," Doc Ock says to Miles. And then when she walks into Aunt May's house, May says, "Oh great, it's Liv." I would really love to read a lot more about what's going on with that. Sex is not a must, but I do ship them and anything about a romantic relationship would be great. If you're not into that, then I'd love to read more exploring their dynamic in general -- May is so fondly exasperated and not remotely surprised, but they both immediately go to the mat.

Prompts:

Pre-movie college backstory. Were they rivals-turned-lovers in college? Friendly but disinterested roommates who spent all their time playing science cloak-and-dagger games before realizing over spring break that their nemesis was their roommate? 

Pre-movie Spidey parallels backstory. May was clearly supporting Peter as he developed into your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, and Octavia has been... what? We know she's CEO of Alchemax during the movie -- was she promoted? Is she the founder? I'd love something exploring their parallel paths, May as a behind-the-scenes string-puller and Liv as a mad scientist, with Peter in the middle working to counter Liv more explicitly. 

Post-movie, MIles goes to visit Aunt May and finds Liv there. They have a really awkward tea. 

Post-movie, Liv tries to make a comeback. May rolls her eyes and gets to work.

Purge!AU: What happens to the two of them on Purge night? Does May reluctantly go out to try to stop whatever Liv is up to this time? Do they end up working together for some reason? Do they declare it amateur night and just order a pizza?

Also, I would be interested in a fun fic where May and Liv both end up sort of awkwardly mentoring Miles because Miles and Liv end up in a classic supervillian-superhero team-up against some other big villain or disaster.

Fleabag: Fleabag, Priest

So I watched all of Fleabag in a weekend fueled by pizza and beer and loved all of it. But, not gonna lie, what really got me to sit down and finally watch the show was all this talk of a hot priest romance going on in season 2. Others may never believe Moriarty from BBC Sherlock could bring it like that, but I saw the light.

I’m absolutely fine with shippy fic for this fandom. If you want to go down the hardcore priest fucking road then go wild, but I did love everything about the show. Fleabag herself and all of her issues, Claire (and her haircut) and everyone else. Whatever you can write for me that captures how heartbreaking and funny the show is would be great, I'm sure.

Prompts:

With all this talk of the cool Pope maybe considering letting priests marry let’s pretend that the Vatican really does that and now priests everywhere can get married. How would Fleabag feel when she sees the news on the telly? How would the Priest? Imagine them bumping into each other after the news come out.

I think one of the most interesting things about season 2 was the Priest knowing when Fleabag was breaking the fourth wall. What if the fox is his personal fourth wall that no one sees but Fleabag that he can’t leave behind until he deals with his shit? 

Purge prompt: Brexit finally happens and the new PM decides to try this Purge thing the Americans have been doing every year. How would Fleabag fare in the purge? Would she stay locked inside with her family having to fight off Stepmother, who’s down to do some purging herself and is scarily good at killing people? Would she go off to hunt Martin? Maybe fucking a Priest doesn’t count if it’s during purge night.

The Eagle | Eagle of the Ninth: Marcus Flavius Aquila, Esca Mac Cunoval

I love this stupid movie so much.I love Marcus, Esca, and Marcus/Esca and would prefer them shipped. UST/pre-slash is okay, too, if you'd rather not write a romance, but please at least leave me the hope that it's going to happen!

What I really love about Marcus/Esca is how even when Marcus is the one who holds official power over Esca as his owner, Esca is always the one with the power in their relationship because Marcus is so desperately into him. I love Marcus pining for Esca but being too honourable to do anything about it, while Esca is too angry at himself for pining for Marcus to do anything about it. I also enjoy Marcus having Roman issues about wanting Esca to fuck him and I don't care if they're not entirely historically accurate. I would just be very into Marcus having very rigid ideas about sex between men and struggling with wanting Esca to fuck him and Esca helping him overcome that.

Some general things about them that I love, both in the movie and in potential fic: cultural miscommunications, or just them worrying enough about miscommunication that they don't even try. Marcus having such utter blind trust in Esca. Esca having to relearn how to let somebody care about him.

Prompts:

That said, my first request is PWP. /o\ I would really, really love a Seal People Made Them Do It fic. Maybe the Seal Prince wants Esca to prove Marcus is his slave, or maybe there's a general boning festival going on and it'd be weird/suspicious for Esca not to participate, I don't know (and not too concerned with historical accuracy on this one). But I'm very into the danger element of they have to fake it for their safety/survival and the intimacy element of them understanding each other with few or no words. Like from Esca's POV, he gets that Marcus understands and consents, or from Marcus', understanding that if he doesn't want to go along with it, they can try to kill their way out. And, okay, if Marcus is a little ashamed of being into it, I am very, very there for that. :9

I would also love a roadtrip fic! The movie clearly ends with Marcus setting Esca up to choose their next adventure, so what does he choose? I don't have a lot of specific plot ideas for that, but I would definitely love to see them on another journey together, maybe hitting all the fun roadtrip tropes, like huddling for warmth in the woods and there being only one bed in their room at the hospitia. 

Or, if you're feeling up to something fun and weird, a Purge AU. Honestly, Ancient Rome is a setting that seems oddly suited to hosting the Purge and I would love to see it either played relatively straight to dark and dramatic effect, or humorously deconstructed, with Esca exasperated by more let's-kill-people Roman nonsense.

I would also really be into fic from Esca's POV, holding Marcus during the surgery and contemplating letting twitch and die, and then ~looking into his eyes~ and feeling sick with himself for having such a thought about the man who saved his life, even if he is a Roman asshole. Perhaps followed by all the times Esca could have had him killed or let him die and deciding not to because HONOR until he realizes no, actually, I just really, really want to bone this dude. And then he follows up on that realization, in whatever romantic form that takes.

[fallout4reactsblog]

Awesome! Could you do a react for sole x the companions + dlc where they’ve been in a quiet relationship but after not seeing each other for a while they share a passionate/romantic kiss and then realise they’ve done so in front of lots of other people, how do the companions/people around them react 💜 sorry if this is long

Cait: She was used to being abandoned. Left behind. Ignored. It didn’t make it hurt any less when sole announced they were leaving her, but she didn’t make too much of a fuss about it. She’d been through worse. She’d live, somehow. Mostly, she went around picking fights with anyone she could manage, but when that didn’t work, she’d get Preston or Sturges to give her some physical job to do. She thought less when she was tired. It hurt less when she was tired.

Sole managed to surprise her by coming back.

She didn’t say anything at first. She let them approach her, let them say hello, and then she grabbed them and pinned them to a wall to kiss the until neither of them could really breathe but neither of them wanted to stop, either.

They were shocked into parting at the sound of a laser musket clattering to the pavement. Preston stuttered for a few seconds before he managed to compose himself. Cait buried her head into sole’s shoulder in pure embarrassment.

“I’m not sure why you decided to hide this,” he finally managed, “but I’m sure you had your reasons. I won’t tell anyone, but I think you might want to tell people before someone else finds out.”

“Thanks, Preston.” Sole was perfectly calm, thankfully. “We’re just waiting for the right time.”

Cait heard him pick up his rifle, then turned back to her grinning partner. “Don’t ever leave me again. I didn’t like it.”

Sole just laughed a little. “I didn’t like it much, either. So, I promise not to travel without you unless it’s absolutely unavoidable.”

She sighed. “I’ll take what I can get, I reckon.”

Curie: Curie wasn’t used to emotions in general, much less loneliness, so sole going away was practically a heart-crushing experience. She felt everything to the absolute maximum. She spent her days crafting stimpak after stimpak for when sole got back, hoping that they’d make it back to receive them. For hours, she worried while she worked. Sole could be injured, or captured, or, worse, dead. It was entertaining, if in a horrible way, to imagine all the ways things could have already gone wrong.

When she heard them coming over the bridge, she dropped the beaker she was holding and instantly ran to them. They dropped their bag, knowing what was coming, and she jumped up to wrap her legs around their waist. Taking their face in her hands, she began to absolutely pepper them with kisses. They were laughing, she was giggling a little, and ecstasy was the only emotion she could really feel.

“Well, ain’t that just somethin’ worth seeing. I haven’t seen anything cuter since, I don’t know, the last time I saw a kitten probably.”

Curie just giggled and looked over at Hancock, completely oblivious to her partner’s embarrassment. “Oh, Monsieur Hancock. You surprised me.”

“I can tell.” He took a drag on the cigarette in his hand. “I don’t think you were meanin’ to tell the world like this. Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. And Cait. And Piper. And whoever they tell, of course.”

“You know he’s serious, right?” sole asked as soon as Hancock was gone.

“But of course. I would not expect any less. It is just that I do not mind so much. I love you very much and I am very happy to see you again. The night is very cold when you are not with me.”

Sole just laughed and hugged her close. “I missed you, too.”

Danse: He was busy. He was always busy. Both of them were, these days, and Danse told himself that that was okay. He didn’t need to be by their side all the time. He was perfectly capable of getting along by himself until they got back to the Prydwen. He’d been doing it for years before he met them, and so a few measly weeks was going to be no problem at all.

He was displeased to find out that wasn’t the case anymore, to say the least. Often he found himself wandering the airship, looking for sole, before he remembered that they just weren’t there. Then, he’d go tune up his power armor again.

One night, he noticed a set of armor in the frame next to his. That was strange, because that was sole’s frame, and they weren’t due back to the Prydwen for another few days. Someone had stolen their spot. When he found that person, he was going to give them a piece of his-

“Good evening, Paladin.”

He spun around to find himself face-to-face with the person he’d been searching for. There was a smile and a smudge of grease on their face, and before he knew what he was doing he pulled them in for a kiss. He’d missed them so, so much, and the feeling of their hands on his chest and their lips on his settled his mind once again. Everything was alright.

“Of all the things I expected to see, this sure wasn’t it.”

They practically leaped apart at Ingram’s voice. She was smirking smugly. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep your little secret. Everyone’s had a crush that broke the fraternization rules at some point. Just be careful.”

He nodded, grateful. “We will.”

“It’s cute, though,” she said, almost as an afterthought.

“Maxson will know by morning,” he whispered to sole as she walked away.

“How?”

“I don’t know. But he will.”

Deacon: He knew that the Railroad had lots of tasks, and that meant that, sometimes, people who were usually partners couldn’t work together. Some tasks just didn’t require two people. He couldn’t work with sole all the time, not even if he wanted to.

Still, he missed them. It had been forever since they’d even seen each other, much less talked. He caught himself dreaming about them every once in a while, or putting himself to sleep with thoughts of them there beside him, holding his hand. That was a little embarrassing, wasn’t it? It had to be.

He stumbled into HQ late one night. One in the morning kind of late. All he really wanted to do was flop down and go to bed, but when he picked his way over to his bedroll he found it was already occupied.

“Hey,” sole whispered.

He smiled just a bit. “Hey.”

Carefully, they took his hand, and he sat down beside them. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” He leaned his forehead against theirs. “Way too much.”

They laughed softly, then leaned forward to give him a quick peck. It couldn’t have lasted for more than a second.

It was a second too long.

“I knew it!” Glory shot upright in her bedroll. “Tom, you owe me twenty caps.”

“Really you two?” Both their heads snapped around to look at Tom. “You couldn’t have waited one more week?”

“What’s going on?” Sole was clearly confused.

“I needed you to wait just seven more days. Seven. It’s not that many.”

Deacon’s eyes widened in realization.

“You guys were betting on when we’d get together. Real mature. Dez did you allow this?”

Desdemona, somehow, kept her face entirely neutral.

“Carrington, as I recall, you owe me twenty-five.”

Gage: He wasn’t one to miss people. Nuh uh, no way. Missing people was reserved for people who had mushy, gross, romantic feelings for each other, and Gage wasn’t a mushy, gross, romantic feelings kind of guy. He liked sole, yeah. They were cool, and they’d made a pretty good Overboss so far. So what if they had business out in the Commonwealth? So what if they wanted him to stay behind and take care of things while they were gone? He didn’t care. Nope. No way.

That, of course, made his reaction to seeing them again all the more mysterious. They were walking into the Fizztop Grille just as he was walking out, and as soon as he caught sight of them, he grabbed their shoulders and pinned them to the wall. His lips found theirs, their hands found his waist, and he kissed them absolutely senseless, gently nipping on their lower lip to show them he had been displeased that they were gone so long.

“Oh, now that’s a show!” Was that Mason? It might have been, he couldn’t tell. “Get that, Gage!”

Gage wasn’t the type for embarrassment, either, so he couldn’t have given less of a fuck. He let sole breathe for a few seconds, watched their face turn red as they realized they had an audience, then went right back to what he was doing before. The shouts and comments faded into the background. It was just him and sole. Him and sole. That was all that mattered.

They were forced to part for air again. Sole smiled at him. “Did you miss me?”

He grinned back. “Not even a little.”

“Can we maybe go up to the Grille? Get a little privacy?”

“What, are you embarrassed?”

They seemed to take that as a challenge, and grabbed his shirt to pull him back in.

NIRA, of course, chose that moment to come by and start cussing the both of them out.

Hancock: Somewhere in his time travelling with sole, he’d forgotten how mind-numbingly boring his mayoral duties really were. Even his chems weren’t as exciting as roaming the wasteland with his favorite person by his side. He needed something to spice up his life. He wanted sole.

He didn’t have them, though, so he resigned himself to getting high and getting by. Thankfully, though, he was not high when they stepped through the doors to Goodneighbor. He made it down the stairs and out of the Old State House in record time, literally tackling sole to kiss them. His hand cushioned their head and their mouth cushioned his own, and all he knew was how good it was to see them, and that he did not want to make a habit of being apart.

“If you’re looking for a discount on wedding supplies, don’t think you’re getting that out of me.”

They both turned to see Daisy, arms folded, smirk on her face. “Though, I think KLEO might be willing to give you one.”

“Why would I need anything from KLEO’s place for my wedding?” Sole didn’t even attempt to get out from underneath Hancock. It seemed they were perfectly content right where they were.

“It’s not a party with at least one gun, and what’s a wedding but one big party?”

“I think parties are a little different these days There were definitely no guns at the kind of parties I went to.”

Daisy just laughed. “I think you went to the wrong kind of parties, then.”

“I guess I must have had the wrong kind of wedding.”

“Maybe Hancock will show you the right kind someday.”

Hancock had to step in. “Daisy, are you hitting on my sunshine for me?”

She just winked and turned away.

MacCready: He understood that sole had responsibilities. He knew that they were dangerous. In his opinion, that meant he should go with them instead of being left behind. But, apparently, they were not of the same opinion, so they went away and he stayed behind.

He moped around for a while, but finally decided that, to pass the time, he needed to do something. He didn’t know how long they’d be gone for, or where they were going, or anything really, so to stop himself from worrying he needed a way to pass the time.

He was lounging in the Third Rail when a strange figure came in. They were wearing a wide-brimmed hat pulled low over their eyes, as well as a bulky trench coat that hid practically their whole figure. He looked up at them suspiciously.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes. I’m looking for the most handsome man in the entire Commonwealth.”

He frowned. “I don’t think-”

“Never mind.” The figure tipped up their hat to reveal a grinning sole. “I already found him.”

MacCready practically threw himself out of the chair. His lips were on sole’s before his feet hit the ground, and he kissed them over and over and over, quick pecks on their lips and cheeks and lips again. They just laughed and let him.

“Well, there’s a song just waiting to be written.”

They both froze in place, slowly turning to look at Magnolia, who had just strolled in. She leaned against the doorway with a smirk. “Having fun, kids?”

They didn’t have an answer to that, and she seemed to know it. “Well, don’t let me stop you. Have fun. Enjoy it while it lasts.”

As soon as she was gone, MacCready buried his head in his hands and couldn’t look at sole for a full five minutes.

Nick: He hated to leave, but he had a job. They knew that. He had responsibilities, people looking to him to solve their problems. It took him away from sole, and he hated that, but that didn’t change the fact that it was necessary. Besides, while he was gone, he hoped it would give them some time to think about what they really wanted in life, then subsequently realize it wasn’t him and dump him the first chance they got.

Okay, he wasn’t really hoping for that, but he assumed it was the inevitable outcome. He’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop ever since they’d gotten together. Nothing good ever got to last for him.

Sole was in the agency when he walked in, discussing one of his many miscellaneous cases with Ellie at the desk. They looked up when the door opened, and when they realized who it was, their eyes lit up and they shouted, “Nick!” Before he knew it, they had literally vaulted the desk to get to him, and kiss him. He grabbed their shoulders to steady them, fingertips gently curling into their skin. He could feel their excitement in the way they kissed, all fireworks and firey passion.

“I knew it!”

Poor Nick literally jumped as Ellie began to initiate her happy dance in the middle of the agency.

Sole’s eyes went wide. “I forgot that we hadn’t told her, yet.”

“Honestly?” Nick stared at the scene in front of him. “So did I.”

“Don’t let me stop you!” Ellie snatched her coat. “Piper is going to love this. Have fun!”

“Ellie, no!”

She was already out the door, laughing.

Old Longfellow: Sole had been gone for a long time, he mused, staring out at the sea. Maybe they weren’t going to come back. Maybe they’d decided to leave Far Harbor for good. He couldn’t blame them for that, he supposed, but the thought that they’d abandon him hurt a little more than he would have liked. He took a drink to wash that down.

He heard the boat before he saw it, thanks to the fog. The spike of anxiety in his chest was unwelcome, and he realized he liked it better when they were gone. When they were gone, he could tell himself that everything was okay, that they still loved him and whatnot. When they were here, he’d have to face the inevitable reality that they just didn’t want to be with him anymore.

They pushed open the door to the bar, and he took a moment to appreciate how absolutely gorgeous they were before they found him, sitting in a corner. Smiling, they picked their way over to his chair.

“Hey, there.” They snagged his glass to steal a sip of his drink, then stooped to kiss him.

The whole bar took in a collective gasp. They didn’t seem to care, just rested a hand on his shoulder to steady themselves as they absolutely stole his breath away. It was brief, but welcome, and when they pulled away everyone was staring.

“What are you looking at?” He waved a hand, embarrassed. “Go back to whatever you were doing.” As they slowly turned away, he muttered,  “Damn gossips. Always looking for something new to talk about. Nobody can get a single second of privacy these days.”

They just laughed. “What have I missed?”

“The same old, same old. Nothing interesting.”

“Well, you can do nothing interesting with me for awhile, then.”

He smiled, just a little. “That’ll be nice.”

Piper: “Blue was supposed to be back two hours ago!” She paced the floor. “What’s taking so long?”

“Relax,” Nat said from her place on the couch, flipping through one of their magazines. “They probably just got hung up with some raiders. No biggie.”

Piper opened her mouth, ready to lay out all the ways that could go wrong, when there were three knocks on the door and she practically tripped over herself trying to answer it. The poor door was practically ripped open to reveal sole, standing there with a bouquet of fever blossoms wrapped in what looked to be last week’s paper.

Piper wasn’t paying too much attention to that, though. She was busy lunging for sole to drag them over for a kiss. One hand wrapped around her to pull her closer, and Piper savored the taste of bubblegum on their lips. They were back and they were okay and they were-

“Gross!” Nat made a gagging noise, and Piper leaped away from her partner.

“Heh,” she chuckled, flushing. “I mean, good to see you, Blue. Let me see if I can find a vase for those flowers, okay?”

She turned into the rest of the house to hide her very red face, and heard Nat strike up a conversation with sole.

“You’re late.”

“I stopped to pick the flowers.”

“For two hours?”

They shrugged. “Fighting off raiders is hard when you’re trying to protect a bouquet as well as yourself.”

“You fought raiders?” Nat sat forward, listening intently. “Was it cool? Tell me!”

Sole just laughed. “Okay, kiddo. Just so long as you promise not to get any ideas. I think your sister would kill me.”

“No, she wouldn’t. She’s too in love with you.”

Piper jumped, then whipped around to shout, “Nat!”

All sole did was laugh.

Preston: He told himself that he was used to being alone. The closest thing he’d had to a friend until sole came along was Sturges. So, sole being gone would be fine. It wouldn’t bother him in the slightest.

He was good at lying to himself. That, and throwing himself into work to escape the loneliness that came from eating dinner without them for the twelfth day in a row. He told himself it didn’t bother him. He took all that emotion and packed it nicely away.

Maybe that was why he reacted the way he did when he heard their voice coming over the Sanctuary bridge, singing some song off of Diamond City Radio. Why he dropped his laser musket and literally ran for them. Why he didn’t think twice about interrupting the conversation they were just starting to have with Sturges.

His lips met theirs and suddenly, the world was right again. Their hands found the lapels of his coat, pulling him a little closer. He let his fall to their waist and made sure to kiss them senseless, letting them know exactly how much he’d missed them.

Sturges let out a low whistle. “Well, you sure pulled the wool over our eyes with this one.”

Preston pulled away, feeling his cheeks beginning to heat with embarrassment. “I- I think- I need to go check on the crops.”

He grabbed sole’s hand and tugged them toward the fields. They just laughed and shouted at Sturges that they’d talk to him later, and Sturges asserted that was okay before turning to the rest of Sanctuary.

“Hey, y’all! You’ll never guess what I just found out.”

Preston had never wished he could turn invisible before that moment.

X6-88: For weeks, it had been the same routine. The instant he got back from a mission, he’d get stuck on another one. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d spent more than three hours at the Institute. He was getting irritated, and he was getting stressed. He just wanted some rest, dammit. He just wanted to see sole.

He started working harder, trying to get back faster so he might have a chance to see them. He was efficient. They put him on more missions. It was a vicious cycle.

He was beginning to resign himself to not seeing them for possibly months when he popped back into the Institute to find, lo and behold, none other than sole standing before him. They were holding a huge stack of folders, but the papers hit the ground as soon as they saw him.

In unison, they stepped forward, arms open, lips finding the others. He let himself relax, let them kiss away the stress and the pain and the anger that had been building. He’d missed them.

They heard the sound of ceramic shattering on the glass floor. They turned, and Doctor Li was staring at them, coffee splattered over her white lab coat.

“Di-” she stuttered. “Director!”

Sole shot her a cool glare, one generally reserved for people who’d said something irritating during a meeting. “Is there a problem, Doctor?”

She said nothing, opting to scamper away instead. Sole turned back to the courser in front of them.

“Shall we take this back to my office?”

“I need to report back.”

Sole just smiled. “I’m the Director. I think, for me, they’ll make an exception.”

He couldn’t argue with that.

[douxreviews]

Jessica Jones - ‘A.K.A. Hellcat’ Review

"I've got this."

For the second time this season, Jessica Jones pulls the 'Let's see all that from someone else's perspective' trick. Once again, the second perspective is Trish's. Once again, it really, really works.

When the episode titles were announced and we were dividing up which Agent of Doux was going to review which episode, I saw the title for this one and thought to myself, 'Oh good, I get to do the one where Trish has her big hero debut that we've been waiting for. That will be neat.'

That was not what this was.

Since her funeral is the emotional core of the episode, why don't we start by talking about Dorothy. Last episode we saw most of the events of Dorothy's funeral, and what was surprising was the number of people who approached Jessica and Trish and told them inspiring stories of how Dorothy genuinely helped them in their careers. I was a little concerned about this, because I thought it might be the indication that we were going to go ahead and Hank Heywood Dorothy, and I really hate that trope.

If you don't follow Legends of Tomorrow, first of all let me say that you should be watching Legends of Tomorrow. Unless you hate things that are awesome. Secondly, I'll explain the reference. Hank Heywood was the father of Nate, one of the titular Legends. Hank was regularly shown to be an emotional abusive, self involved piece of garbage whose go-to move was to try to destroy as much of his son's self esteem as possible. Then Hank died, and at his funeral we heard one nice story about one singular time that he did something decent, and everyone acted like he was totally absolved of everything forever and has always been just like Jesus.

Obviously I'm still a little irritated by this. Hang in there, I'm coming around to my point.

Since then, 'Hank Heywooding' (v.) has become my own personal shorthand for that thing that TV and movies like to do in which they bestow retroactive sainthood on an intrinsically negative character for the sake of shoehorning in a 'redemption arc'. When the first few testaments to 'Dorothy saved my career' started coming in I really thought that's where they were going. with her. But then the show did something really interesting. Without disavowing or minimizing the times that Dorothy had honestly been a positive and supportive force for people, it went on in this episode to show us Dorothy at her most manipulative and emotionally abusive, pushing Trish into getting her big break through the most reprehensible means possible.

And just a side note, in case anyone is in any way unclear on the point; telling a girl that age that the financial well being of her whole family is entirely on her shoulders is not even the tiniest bit OK. To say nothing of adding on, 'now you're responsible for all of the cast and crew having jobs too.'

I like how they handled this overview of who Dorothy was as a person. It's complicated, and it's messy, and it feels realer than we generally can expect from television.

So, while we get 'Secret Origins: It's Patsy', what we're really being told is exactly what Jessica said both here and in a previous episode. Trish is who she is because of Dorothy. Good and bad. It just turns out that Trish is a lot more broken inside that we'd had an opportunity to see before, and her grief at Dorothy's death is being channeled into the worst possible interpretation of 'You're obligated to give it everything you've got.'

Great usage of misdirection leading into this episode. At the end of the previous one we interpreted Erik's look of shock when he entered the construction site office as, 'Oh my God, Trish is the killer!' It turns out that what he was really shocked by was how completely Trish had lost control. In fact, all of the 'do over' scenes that we get here are reinterpreted in fascinating little ways now that we know Trish's side of the story. That's good storytelling.

I felt just awful for Erik through most of this one. He's right, the situation is completely dicked. It was endearing how dedicated he was to rescuing Jessica from being arrested for the crime that he himself was at least partially responsible for. It did however make me sad inside to find out that he was lying to Jessica by omission last episode. I really wanted to believe in him. Wonderful detail as well that Erik called the cops on Jessica in order to stop her from preventing Trish from attacking Mr. Arsonist and thereby giving Jessica an alibi. Erik and Jessica are going to have one hell of a come to Jesus talk at some point very soon.

So, final score at the close: Jessica was mostly absent. Trish is deeply scary now and completely off the rails. Erik's heart is in the right place but he continues to make poor choices. And Dorothy was capable of being both very good and very bad. RIP Dorothy, and bring on the final two installments.

Bits and Pieces:

- Young Trish's red wig was absolutely horrible.

- The flashback of Trish attacking Sallinger didn't give us any new information, but set up the structure of the episode really nicely. I liked how they handled that.

- Was Erik's expression after Trish punched him just pain from the punch or was he feeling evil from her? Was the punch a plotting contrivance to justify why he didn't sense evil from her at that moment?

- What the everloving hell was up with Omar 'Satan wins when the forces of light stand idly by’ the Doorman? That's a super messed up thing to say to someone whose mother was just murdered. I notice that we didn't see his face when he said it though. Are we going to find out that that was just in Trish's mind?

- Erik and Trish continue to have amazing chemistry with one another as performers. Also, most irresponsible vigilante team ever.

- It was good that the kick that killed Nussbaumer didn't look any more over the top than anything else she'd done. That sold the 'it was an accident' vibe.

- I suppose leaving the badge behind with victim number two should theoretically clear Jessica of the first murder.

- I have a million questions about whether evil is a tangible and finite substance, based on Erik's reaction to the first death.

- Did anyone else get a real Logan Echolls vibe off of Erik through most of this episode?

- Did Erik leave the trailer because Trish was giving him a headache there at the end? Because that was my read.

- I actually experience a groin pull just watching Trish put her foot on Jeri's throat. I can't be the only one who thought Trish was going to attack her.

- Jeri is now blackmailing Trish in order to get her to help solve Kith's problems. That's nice plot dovetailing. There is now no shortage of people who might kill Jeri before the season's end. My money's currently on Trish, although Jessica might be the dark horse in that race.

- I love the worldbuilding detail that cops have to take into account how various superpowers affect their perp investigations.

- Trish is totally going after Sallinger now, right?

- This episode was written by Jane Espensen, my favorite TV writer of all time.  I wrote her a love song once.  You can google it.

Quotes:

Dorothy: "What did I tell you about parentheticals?"

Trish: "Despite everything on my side, the good, the right, they still win."

Trish: "Was I bothering you? Because your wife beating was bothering me."

Erik: "I can take a hit. When it’s righteous."

Dorothy: "You take that holier than Mom look off your face."

Trish: "You blackmail guilty people." Erik: "I’m re-thinking that career path."

Erik: "If you get hurt chasing my bad guy, Jessica is going to kick my face in and I’ll let her."

Erik: "Christ. This is so dicked up."

Another solid installment which fills in the answers to a bunch of questions that we didn't know we should be asking yet.

Eight out of ten groin stretching exercises.

---

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water. 

[vyrannn-blog]

I had just complained about having to clean up the basement after me and my friends hung out because there wasn’t a mess

She then texted me:

Mom:hey set your phone out for me. Unacceptable to not go do what i ask you to do. If your room and the basement isn’t super cleaned up (and bird stuff) no friends over tomorrow...

Me: i was literally just going to go down there? and i need to wake up tomorrow and practice so i need my phone. don’t just assume that i’m never going to do something if i don’t do it immediately it’s rude.

Mom: It’s rude the way you are speaking to me, and rude to ignore me as i ask you to do something and walk away. I would hope and expect the same amount of kindness and respect you give to your dad. I’m the one (with lindsay) who helps you and provides for you and i hear you always treat your dad so much better. That hurts.

Me: the way i speak to you is the level of respect you have for me and my privacy and my feelings. i wouldn’t be so passive aggressive if you respected me more and i needed to get ready for bed and i was about to go down and clean the basement (even though there wasn’t a mess) right before you texted me. you have a weird mindset where you think if i don’t do something immediately i’m never going to do it. and i treat dad better because he respects my privacy and if i don’t want to tell him something he doesn’t keep pushing it.

Mom: We will talk about this tomorrow. Goodnight love you.

Me: no, we won’t.

Mom: Yes we will *kissy face*

-next day-

Me: i need two white t-shirts for marching band by tomorrow.

-she had yelled for me because she wanted to talk, and i thought that she wanted to talk about what we had talked about the day earlier, not the shirts so when she told me to come to her i asked why and she said “because” instead of explaining why, so i said “no”-

Mom: That’s the kind of thing i was talking about for disrespect. When you’re asked to do something by a parent you do it politely and respectfully. Don’t expect me to get things for you and allow friends etc when you act like that. You’re grounded today, no friends over or you don’t go anywhere. When i get home I’ll have your phone for the rest of the day.

Me: i’m not your slave

Mom: It’s basic obedience and respect Brykelle

Me: I don’t “have” to respect or like you at all. there is no rule that i have to enjoy being around you or talking to you, and i don’t get why you need to talk to me

Mom: You are correct, you don’t have to like me but as your mom you should respect and i would hope love me. I’ve never done anything but love you and try to help you. Your dad has done the most horrible things and train wrecked our lives that everyone has done so well to keep on moving forward ad doing awesome. You seem to forgive him and be kind to him yet often don’t to me. I just needed to ask you about the shirts.

Me: don’t try to blame this on dad, and yeah dad has done some messed up stuff but that doesn’t mean he’s a bad person and he at least treats me like an actual human person

Mom: I’m not trying to blame anything or anyone just trying to show you as a comparison. I’m clearly not a bad person either, and i certainly treat you well and do anything i can for you. For sure we can do a better job it just needs to go both ways. My point was for whatever you feel i do wrong I would hope to get the same courtesy, kindness and forgiveness as you give dad who’s done much more horrible things if that makes sense

-i had made some plans with friends that i hadnt seen in forever a few days prior-

Me: so my friends, that i haven’t seen for two months, can’t come over?

Mom: Sorry, not until we have talked through and have an understanding... got to have some respect and mutual understanding going. When you choose to speak to me the way you did last night and earlier today privileges/fun times are taken away...

Me: oh ok i see so basically i’m going to be forced to act like i like you or i won’t be able to be with my friends or do anything that is remotely interesting and my brain will slowly rot and i’ll go insane. makes sense

Mom: Haha. As i said before... it’s basic respect and the way you should treat your parents. Ask all the older kids... it’s all the same and a common thing. Sorry I’ve not done a better job to help you understand your parents. They’ve gone through the same thing - I’m sure they will tell you... better to figure it out and it will save you a lot of grief

Me: i don’t “have” to treat anyone with respect unless they’ve proven they should be, and i’m not going to “figure it out” with you

Mom: Whenever you’re ready...but until then it will be resorted to no friends and likely lose your phone too. Most of the time you’re respectful and kind... but there are times it’s unacceptable and basically I won’t put up with it. Dad would do the same. Ask the older kids once again... they will tell you who was tougher.

Me: i’ve already made plans with my friends, that’s not fair at all. me leaving the house doesn’t effect you and it shouldn’t be any of your concern, and talking to you would bring us to the same conclusion as us texting.

Mom: That’s what you’re not understanding, it is my concern. The quicker you learn to be kind, polite, do the simple and few things i ask of you then there is no problem. Talking is always better but I’ve been at work so that’s why I’m texting

Me: how is it your concern? if i’m out of the house i’m not making a mess, i’m not being too loud, i’m not bugging you and lindsay so i don’t understand why you care at all.

Mom: Literally if last night when I asked you to go down and make sure things were neat in the basement and you did it... all would have been fine. When I asked you today to come down and talk to me instead of saying “why” and “no”... and just coming down to talk - all would have been good.

Me: i didn’t want to talk to anyone at the time. i had a headache and being in the main room makes voices really loud and it hurt my head.

Mom: You never bug us. We want you to have fun wth your friends- but it’s a life lesson and  teenagers jobto learn to be respectful and obedient.

Me: i did clean the basement last night. you aren’t my boss.

Mom: Sorry, but as your mom I am the one who has the responsibility to teach you and help you learn what is right and the more you fight it the more difficult it will be. The sooner you understand and are kind etc then it will be no problem to be with friends etc

Me: keeping me from what makes me happy isn’t going to make me respect you. it will make me resent you and feel like you’re the thing keeping me from being happy. i’m very respectful of people that deserve to be respected.

Mom: That’s so sad that you don’t feel that wa. I don’t know what I’d ever done to you to deserve it. Dad hasn’t had to discipline you... I’ve had to bear all fo tht and been rather lax and easy on you. Most of the time you’re great - it’s just gotten a little out of control (which is typical for your age) and I’ve got to reign it in

Me: You’ve invaded my privacy, you’ve threatened to take away multiple things that make me happy multiple times, you mae me feel like all i am to you is something that makes messes and then you get mad when i don’t do things immediately  and that makes me hate doing things for you because you get mad so fast.

Mom: I’m sorry and will certainly try to do better. I can see how you’d feel that way. I’ve had to work, had to figure things out and so being gone a lot that happens sadly. I’ll try to do a better job. Maybe you can too.

Me: whenever i used to try to tell you and lindsay about things that i;m really excited or interested in you act like it doesn’t matter and it makes me feel like you don’t care about my interests and opinions. that’s why i don’t like talking to you guys.

Mom: I would LOVE (and so does he) to hear about more of what you’re excited about and interested in. We will do better. I was just saying the othe day how we need to sit each night with you and Josh just to talk and hear about everyone’s day.

Me: but here’s the thing, i don’t like doing that anymore, i would’ve loved doing that two years ago but not anymore

Mom: We will have to get back to that point. I’m willing to try. Are you willing to try?

Me: no, you’ve ruined it for me

Mom: Well maybe you can change your mind. Sure hope so.

Me: our relationship is way too broken to fix so i’m not going to treat you any differently than i have. the thing you don’t understand is that all you have to do is give me food and a plae to sleep and most of the time i’ll figure the rest out myself. i don’t need to talk to you anymore because you’ve pushed me so far away that i’m closer to all of my friends than you now

Mom: That’s pretty sad. I would hope I’d get the same courtesy you extended Dad who’s done way worse things to ruin our family than i ever did.

Me: stop acting like dad’s a terrible person, he’s one of the most amazing kind and smart people i’ve ever known. he’s made some mistakes, but at least he understands how to raise kids.

Mom: I’m glad you have friends you’re close to, and that’s how it should be. Just know I love you and will always try to make things better.

Me: Sorry i didn’t mean it like that, i meant that as in he understands how to not make me feel like crap when i do something wrong. anyways can i please go skating with my friends tomorrow? you said i could yesterday but you said i was grounded a bit ago. we’ve been wanting to go for almost a month and we finally found a good day to do it and i don’t want to let them down

Mom: I’m on my way home, we will talk when I get there.

Me: i don’t want to

Mom: Sorry not an option

Me: see this is what i’m talking about. forcing me to have a conversation isn’t effective, and it’s a lot harder for me to talk to you in person

Mom: That’s fine, your choice. If you want to be able to hang out we will have to start talking and figuring things  out so let me know when you’re ready.

Me: i don’t think you read my last text correctly, i said i get anxious when i talk to you in person

Mom: Well that’s something you’ll have to overcome. But it’s normal I get it.

Me: if i could “overcome” it i would’ve by now. that’s like telling someone that’s afraid of heights to just “get over it”. you can text me when you get home but i’m not going to talk to you in person.

Mom: I’m home, I’m beat. I need to mow the lawn and shower. If you decide you’re ready to talk let me know. That’s one of the problems with phones these days... if we need we will shut it down for a while so you can learn to talk to your own mom. Like i said- it’s pretty easy to get to do the things you want and go the places you want when you’re willing to make a relationship work with the people who care for you most and take care of you... and make it possible to do the things you like to do.

Me: it’s not my phone’s fault it’s yours! i don’t get why you blame everything on my phone. the reason i don’t like talking to you in person is because you make me feel like i’m letting you down and that i’m not good enough no matter what i do or say

Mom: I’m very sorry and I told you you I’ll certainly try to do a better job. That’s on me for sure

-I’ll update when we text or interact next-

[iknownothingihearnothing]

Game of Thrones 8.4 “The Last of the Starks”

I. Am. MAD.

This...this week’s offering right here is an example of an episode I loved and loathed in equal measure. There were lovely moments of--

And then...then there were even more ones of--

Y’all know what I’m talking about. From Brienne’s heartbroken face to that motherfucking Northern stubbornness, to Missandei’s capture and death, to Jon still not knowing enough (he’s so naive), to Euron shooting poor Rhaegal out of the sky, to JON BEING A HORRIBLE WOLF-DADDY!

He just ABANDONED Ghost! Without even a pat goodbye! Even if he had to leave him, he could’ve at least spared a frigging goodbye. Yeah yeah budget blah blah. You couldn’t get an actual big, white, fluffy dog for the few seconds needed for Jon Snow to bid his wolfy buddy who RISKED HIS LIFE for him a proper farewell?! 

I pet my dog and call him a good boy when he gets the ball and goes poop outside. You couldn’t spare more than a “laters, brah” nod to your poor puppy?!

LOOK HOW SAD HE IS!

I want to hug him and kiss him and snuggle him and tell him he’s the goodest boi in the North. Pawning him off to Tormund to live Beyond the Not Wall where he knows no one, what’s the matter with you, Jogon of House Snowaryen?! 

Dany may be leaning a biiiiiit too far into her House Targaryen roots but at least she is a dedicated pet owner. We know she loves her...scale...babies? They have spines, right? Spine babies? Fire babies. 

Ugh, let’s get into this week’s slice of sadness. 

The episode opens with a massive funeral for those that died in the Battle of Winterfell. Including Jorah, Lyanna, Theon, Mr. Edd, and Beric, who is now definitely out of lives.

Dany, crying, leans over Jorah’s prone body, kisses his forehead, and whispers something we’ll never know into his ear.

At least, we’ll never know unless either Emilia or Iain decide to spill the deets. Iain Glen said in a post-ep interview with Entertainment Weekly that it was “something definitely profound”. But who knows, he could be bullshitting us and she actually said “I like muffins” or something and he had to lay there pretending to be dead.

On second thought, she’s English. So perhaps she prefers crumpets. 

Sansa is sniffling over Theon’s body and places a House Stark pin in his shirt. Jon is looking out at this sea of corpses like--

There is no more Ol’ Nighty to bring them back.

Or so we’re led to believe. 

The camera pans across the mourners and we catch a glimpse of our favorite furry friend.

He’s such a good, loyal doggo. Wolfo? Direwolfo. 

Oh Jon I am so MAD AT YOU!

Saving my rage for a bit further down. Barely.

Jon gives a farewell speech about all their dead--they defended the realms of men, no one will ever see their like again, etc. etc.--and then some of the mourners who knew the dead best are given flaming branches in order to set the bodies alight. In the North, they burn their dead. I guess cus the ground is forever frozen and one day someone from House Whyrevr said fuck it and lit his dead grandma on fire. 

Afterwards, they have a joint funeral/”glad we’re alive” party because of course they do. Kinda reminiscent of our shiva except people are sitting on chairs. At the head table, Jon is looking awkwardly at Dany--apparently, that whole “we’re technically related and oh you have a better claim to the throne than me” stuff has lingered beyond fighting for their lives. Damn. Not even surviving Team Undead’s invasion could get them out of that business. 

Elsewhere, Gendry asks the Hound if he’s seen Arya. Does Robert’s bastard have a wee more on his mind than all the death? Like, say, his wee-wee?

Some things never change, no matter what century it is.

Gendry tries to stutter that it’s not about that but the Hound knows it is. Gendry’s alive and the dead are not. Might as well take ASS-vantage of it.

Eh? Eh?

Srsly, this is like the worst party in the history of Westeros. Uh, aside from the Red Wedding (but not the Purple one, #ByeJoflecia). They just buried burnt a heap of their dead, two of their hosts are keeping a huge secret from everyone (and being super weird around each other because of it), and Dany’s endlessly fighting against that frigging Northern hardheadedness. It’s not GREAT, Bob.

Speaking of that famous Northern jackassery, Dany sees an opportunity to crack that stubborn ice as Gendry crosses the party hall. Calling him over, she at first inquires about his parentage, asks him if he knows that Robert Baratheon kinda had her whole family killed and wanted to slaughter her as an infant. Gendry’s like “Whoa, did not know that he was my daddy until after he was dead” and Dany’s all “Yep he dead and so are Renly and Stannis so who’s Lord of Storm’s End?” and no one knows.

This is Dany’s chance to make good.

Not only did Gendry survive the battle, he got laid and made a lord!

You go, Glenn Coco, Gendry Baratheon, Lord of Storm’s End!

Ser Davos, the onion knight (lol) leads the room in a toast to Gendry, the newest Lord on the block.

Don’t be fooled cus he’s now a Lord, he’s still he’s still Gendry from the Forge.

Tyrion remarks that now Gendry will forever be loyal to her and Dany says that he is not the only one that is clever.

Sansa, hearing this, looks at her like bats just sprouted from her head and flew out her ears while her eyes turned red as she chuckled evilly. 

Oh, come on! This is what people in powerful positions on the show do. That’s how they secure allies without, you know, marrying their allies. You want someone’s loyalty, do something for them. Dany’s not the first one to try that. And it’s not like she had Drogon Dracarys the hell out of one of Gendry’s enemies to secure that loyalty. She made him a damn Lord. 

The Starks are annoying me this season. Except when Arya laid the smacketh down on Ol’ Nighty. 

In another corner, Jaime and Brienne are celebrating by gettin’ crunk. She offers a halfassed excuse but Jaime’s all “Dude, we defeated a horde of zombies. Drink up!” and she does, giving him this look:

Bow chicka wowowwwwwwwwwwwwww chicka chicka boom.

Not that I can blame her. Aside from all that incestin’, Jaime’s a fine slice of Kingslayer pie.

Ser Davos of House Onion and Tyrion are talking about Melisandre, who last episode took off her necklace and aged into evaporation. Davos tells Tyrion that he swore to Melisandre he would kill her next time he saw her but he never got the chance, as she did it to herself. Or the Lord of Light took her. Or whatever. They don’t like him much. They fight his war and then he fucks off. 

Tyrion crosses the room to BranBot, who is reading in his wheelchair, which Tyrion calls a clever invention. I keep forgetting that wheelchairs aren’t really a thing in Westeros. 

BranBot, as animated as he’s programmed to be, delights in telling Tyrion that it is reminiscent of the one Daeron Targaryen made for his nephew over a hundred years ago. Just your regular episodic reminder that BranBot is...BranBot. 

Tyrion says BranBot’s BranVision will come in handy as the Lord of Winterfell, which he technically is as Ned Stark’s last surviving “trueborn” son. But BranBot doesn’t want it. BranBot doesn’t really want anything or anyone. He totally just doesn’t care, man.

Tyrion envies BranBot’s ability to not give a shit and and BranBot tells him not to because--

Yes, yes. You’re an “old soul”, BranBot. BranBot calls himself a grandpa in a teenager’s body. He forgets what generation he is and refers to people his own age as “you youngins”. He constantly crows that he is a “proud introvert” who’d rather be reading. We KNOW, BranBot!

Tormund leads a toast (with his awesome tusk cup) to the Dragon Queen and everyone cheers so maybe Dany’s making headway. She herself turns her own toast to Arya, the hero of the Battle of Winterfell. 

Jaime, Brienne, Tyrion, and Pod are playing a Westerosi version of Never Have I Ever with wine and Tormund, a bit drunk off his red ass, is going on and on about how awesome Jon is. Meanwhile, Dany is listening and though she toasts him she knows that she will always be an outsider to these people and they fucking love Jon.

Also, this happened:

“May I have your name?”

“Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Mother of Dragons.”

“Okay, that’s Daniellris Shoehorn, the Sunburnt, Keen of Mean Girls, Bean of the Sandals and the Thirsty Hen, Call Sweetie of the Eight Assed Bee, Brother of Wagons. Is that correct?”

“Ugh. Just write Dany.”

“Okay, Fannie.”

The PTB at HBO have since digitally removed The Cup from the episode but wah bro I think they should have kept it in. That’s hilarious. I want to live in a world where Starbucks exists on Game of Thrones. And it survived the battle. Of course House Styrbycks is right around the corner from Winterfell, conveniently situated at the heart of the town square. 

And you better believe there’s a ride-thru for the horseman on the go.

I enjoy how HBO came out with a statement that Dany ordered herbal tea. I can see Dany ordering herbal tea.

In warmer climes, though, she’s definitely a dragon fruit smoothie girl.

Aside: Liam Cunningham recently went on Conan and gifted him The Cup:

He swore it was the actual cup. How is that even possible?! Wouldn’t someone have tossed it after all this time? And the fact that it was still around had to signal to someone on set that a) trolol a person in Consistency fucked up and at least one dude on GoT knew it before the ep aired and b) that Emilia’s discarded latte appearing in a scene would be gold. 

I want to believe it’s legit. I want to believe so hard that it’s the real Cup and that all these circumstances came together to land the Cup in Liam’s hand all this time later. I want to, and so I shall.

(Yes, I know it is not the real Cup but shh I want to BELIEVE!)

So, Dany is watching everyone have fun and be close with each other, especially how everyone seems to love Jon here, and she’s feeling even more like an outsider (and not a bit insecure about her claim to the throne) and she gets up and leaves. Varys starts to follow her with his watchful Varys eyes.

Jaime, Brienne, Podrick, and Tyrion are still playing their game and getting increasingly drunker doing so. Drunker and more giggly. Everything’s all well and good until Tyrion suddenly sits up, looks Brienne in the eye, and accuses her of being a--dun dun dun--virgin. Pod nonchalantly sips his wine.

Brienne clambers out of her seat and mutters that she has to piss. Tormund, also drunk as a skunk, stumbles to their table, celebrating, and asks--

Well? Who did shit in Tormund’s pants?!

It’s kinda awks because Tormund is into Brienne but Brienne has feelings for Jaime and when did GoT become a teen soap opera? It’s like The North 00000 up in here.

Tyrion pours more wine into Tormund’s tusk as Jaime follows Brienne out.

Dramz. Will they? Won’t they? Stay tuned next week!

No, they totally will right now. 

But first, Tormund is going to bitch.

I was cheering for Tormund to win his Big Woman, I really was. But then Jaime showed up and their chemistry just...reignited. 

Tormund expresses sadness until a Northern lady volunteers to take up his time. The Hound continues to drown his sorrows--tho idk what he’s sad about, he’s alive--ignoring even the prospect of sexytimes until Sansa, finally able to make eye contact with the Hound, shares his table. It was a long time ago when she couldn’t even look at him, back when she was just a little bird. But now she’s a dark phoenix (see what I did there? Because Sophie Turner is starring in Dark Phoenix!) risen from the ashes, having had her revenge against her latest torturer/husband, Ramsay Bolton via his own hounds.

None of if would’ve happened if Sansa had left K.L. with the Hound way back when. But Sansa gently squeezes his hand and says that without Ramsay, Littlefinger, and all those assholes, she’d still be that same naive little bird.

Anyone else get the vibe that David and D.B. are kinda...trying to justify what Ramsay did to Sansa here? Just an itty bit? All that’s missing is Sansa belting out Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter”. 

Outside, Arya is practicing her archery skillz when Gendry, the new Lord of Storm’s End, is imbued with way too much enthusiasm after being dubbed by Dany and legit blurts out a proposal to his one night stand right then and there.

Ugh. I can’t wait until my shitty copy of Phhotoshop arrives. Until then I have to use paint shop. Look at those corners! They are making me itch.

Anyway, Arya obvs rejects Gendry’s proposal and it’s d’awww. Gendry is like that guy you hook up with once because he’s hot and afterwards, he won’t stop calling you and texting you and trying to add you as a Facebook friend and messaging you on Twitter suggesting that you fly to Michigan to meet his parents for Thanksgiving. This is something I know nothing about.

Ah, now we’ve circled back to the Jaime and Brienne Show!

That’s if he’s not still obsessed with his siiiiiiiiissssterrrr (she’s a psycho!)

Brienne’s throwing more wood onto yet another hearth (there are a lot of hearths in Winterfell) when Jaime knocks on her door and unceremoniously proclaims that she did not drink when Tyrion accused her of being a V to the gin. He pours her some Dornish red and mutters about it being hot in here; Brienne has learned in the North to always keep a fire going. Jaime has learned in the North that he hates the fucking North. Brienne counters that it grew on her.

Jaime wonders if Tormund Giantsbane also grew on her. He seemed quite sad when she left.

He wants the V-card and the V.

Jaime chuckles awkwardly and begins to pull at the collar of his shirt because “it’s bloody hot in here”. Brienne watches him warily for a second until she gets annoyed and unties the garment herself.

You see where this is going.

First time for Jaime, too. He’s never slept with a knight before.

Has he ever slept with anyone who isn’t his sister before?

Shows how much he cares about Brienne. Letting someone in who isn’t Cersei. That’s a good, non-incestuous step forward, Jaime.

It’s a big moment for Brienne, too, aside from the obvious. She’s had a thing for Jaime for years. This is like that guy you’ve been secretly pining for suddenly realizing he’s totally into it.

In the next scene, Dany confronts a “slightly drunk” Jon, who did not know Ser Jorah very well, but he is pretty sure that if he would’ve chosen a way to die, it would have been protecting Dany. Dany knows Jorah loved her, but she couldn’t love him back--not the way he deserved, not the way she loves Jon.

They kiss and it’s like before Jon ever found out he’s also Aegon until--

“Does Westeros have any support groups for this? Maybe I should ask Ser Jaime.”

Jon wishes that Dany had never told them that they were related and I’m sitting here like--

He would’ve figured it out sooner or later, right? I mean, if he knew he was half Targaryen and all and Rhaegar was his daddy. I understand math is hard but...

Dany tries to forget and sometimes almost succeeds until tonight when she saw all those people gathered around him, looking at him like I’m The Hero! People have looked at her like that before, lots of people, but not here, not on this side of the Narrow Sea. She begs him not to tell anyone of his Targaryen lineage, to swear Samwell and BranBot to secrecy, so that things could go back to how they were before between them. 

But Jon must tell Sansa and Arya because family and nobility and Starkism and all that. And we all know Sansa no likey Dany, despite the fact that HER ARMIES SAVED YOUR NORTHERN ASS.

She begs him some more and he promises that she is his Queen and they can all live together. And they can, if Jon keeps his trap shut.

In Brienne’s quarters, if the animal pelts are a rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’!

Warm enough in there now, Brienne? 

In the War Room--damn, don’t we all aspire to have a War Room?--our favorites are gathered around the Great Table or whatever with a map of Westeros in the center and some old timey Checkers pieces standing in for the two sides’ respective armies. Obvs, the Battle of Winterfell has depleted Dany and Jon’s forces greatly, but they still have enough to wage hell on Cersei. Yara has taken back the Iron Islands in her name, and the Prince of Dorne pledges his support. Still, Cersei has the Golden Company led by Guyliner Greyjoy and the Lannister Army fresh and ready to fight. 

Dany is not appeased. No matter how many noble people declare their fealty to her, while Cersei still sits on the Iron Throne, she can still call herself Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

Jon, Tyrion, and Varys reassure her with talk of dragons and the people of K.L. having rebelled against their King before. Sansa adds that she wants to give the armies time to recuperate, which is also--

--since they just fought Team Undead and all. But Dany wants to hit up K.L. NOW NOW NOW because the longer they wait, the stronger her enemies become. Or something.

Someone’s starting to lean a wee too far into her Targ roots. It’s just common sense, Dany. Take a chill pill.

But Jon sticks up for his GF. Very sternly, he swears the North will honor its commitments and allegiance to the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms and blah blah blah. 

Dany appears smug.

Silently, Arya and Sansa trade glances like--

Tyrion narrates that Jon will lead the remaining forces up the Kingsroad while a smaller group of them will take a fleet to Dragonstone while the Queen will follow on...dragonback.

Jaime will remain at Winterfell as a guest. 

The camera ticks to Brienne’s expression at the mention of her former crush and new lovah’s name:

She’s trying to outwardly remain passive, but inside--

She’s getting laid and she’s not dead. Those are good times in Westeros.

Dany completes the conference and Arya demands a word with Jon. Outside, Jon is like “We’d all be DEAD if not for her” which is again DUH and Sansa snides “Arya’s the one that killed the Night King”. Arya wouldn’t have had the chance to kill the Night King without Dany’s armies because they’d all be DEAD. Seven Hells, you people are ridiculous. “We don’t trust her, ShE’s nOt OnE oF Us.” That is an absurd reason not to trust someone. I’m from New Jersey. It’d be like me about to be murdered and refusing help from someone because they’re from Florida. Don’t trust her because of her personality not because of where she is from.

And then, like a naive idiot, Jon actually thinks because he swore them to secrecy, Sansa and Arya will for sure totally keep his true lineage behind zipped lips.

This here was one of the scenes that made me roll my eyes so hard, they almost got stuck.

From that, thankfully, GoT moves on to one of my favorite scenes of the episode. Jaime and Tyrion sitting there over drinks gossiping like yentas. Jaime’s giving his younger brother all the deets vis-a-vis his liaison with Brienne. When Tyrion doesn’t say anything snide, Jaime is visibly uncomfortable, and Tyrion claims he’s happy Jaime is happy. 

And--

Tyrion has been waiting for ages to make tall person jokes.

He also wants to know what she’s like “down there”. Jaime calls him a dog.

But then Bronn shows up, finally after Creepy Qyburn hired him to kill Cersei’s “traitorous brothers”, a bit drunk off his ass, brandishing that crossbow. After he smacks Tyrion in the nose, he tells them that Cersei offered him Riverrun, but he knows the Queen is fucked after seeing Dany’s dragons, even with their depleted forces. And Cersei can’t pay up if she’s dead, so...

So Tyrion counters the offer. Highgarden for Riverrun. Bronn would be made Lord of the Reach. It’s certainly open now that House Tyrell has been decimated (RIP Olenna, you ultimate badass). Jaime blanches. How could Tyrion just give him Highgarden? Well hell, it’s better than being dead. 

Jaime doesn’t think Bronn will seriously kill them. Jaime is wrong.

Jaime scoffs Highgarden will never belong to a cuttrhoat but Bronn laughs pish-posh. Isn’t that how all the great Houses started? Kill a few hundred, they make you a Lord. Kill a few thousand, they make you a King?

Tyrion gives Bronn-y his word he’l give him Highgarden as long as they take King’s Landing. Bronn opts out of leading the fight, but wishes the brothers luck with a casual “Don’t die”.

The Hound yells “FFS!” when he meets up with Arya on the Kingsroad. Yep, they’re both goin’ Kings Landing way. Nope, Arya doesn’t really care to hang around, even if she is the hero after knifing that horned fucker. Yes, she probably will abandon the Hound again if he gets hurt.

They both have “unfinished business”. Arya to scratch Cersei off her infamous Kill List. The Hound, presumably, to finally fulfill our fantasy of Clegane Bowl!

Elsewhere, Dany is getting ready to leave the fucking frozen North, petting her dragons. And on this show, that is not a euphemism. One of them, presumably Rhaegal, takes flight.

While Drogon remains with her, that mama’s boy.

On the bridge, Sansa is watching Drogon and Rhaegal lift off, trying to shoot them down with her eyes.

Before he leaves, Tyrion tries to convince her one more time that Daenerys is it, or at least a way better option than Cersei, and he believes in her, her people love her, Jon loves her, etc, and he’d totes appreciate it if they were at least allies, and he turns to leave as the camera pans close on Sansa’s face; she calls him back to spilleth the beans..eth.

Did I win?

As Jon is loading up his Horshon Wagon, Tormund jokes that he’s not riding the dragon down south. Jon laughs that Rhaegal needs a break; he doesn’t need Jon weighing him down.

Tormund says that he has had enough of “the south” and plans to take the Free Folk back Beyond the Not Wall through Castle Black. It’s not home, not where they belong. Or, suddenly, where Ghost belongs either after EIGHT YEARS.

Yeah, this is where I RAGE.

Jon insists the North is no place for a direwolf and asks Tormund to take Ghost with him back Beyond the Not Wall, where he knows no one, will be lonely, and have to contend with even colder weather than what he’s used to. Tormund tells Jon that he has the “real” North running through his veins and “maybe” they’ll meet again before he departs and Jon goes to HUG EVERYONE. 

ALMOST.

RAGE! RAGE AGAINST THE JONCHINE!

I know, I know working with the CGI wolves is ExPeNsIvE, blah blah. I DON’T CARE. There are dragons that spit actual fire on this show. Y’all couldn’t substitute a real big, white, fluffy doggie so Jon could bid his furry friend a real goodbye?! This was the saddest scene in GoT history. Forget Ned’s beheading or even the Red Wedding. This right here is inhuman.

The episode’s director, David Nutter, tried to defend himself, weakly, by insisting he thought this way was more powerful. He obviously does not own dogs. Or any pets of any kind. He did not anticipate how much we all love our furry friends. As soon as the episode aired, Twitter lit up with #GhostDeservedBetter. Poor Ghostie. He lost an ear for you! You’re leaving forever. I snuggle my dogs when I just leave to go to the bathroom. I shall honor Ghost here, First of His Name, Protector of the Realms of Men, the One Eared and the White Furred, Warden of the North. Or at least Warden of the Woof. 

I had to watch this portion a few times to get the right screenshots so now I must go snuggle my own doggies. And tell them they are my own little direwoofies and I will never ever leave them. Especially for King’s Landing.

Jon “I’m the worst Wolf Daddy in Westeros” Snow rides off and Sam, Gilly, Tormund, and Ghost watch him go, even after his owner slighted him, because he is the goodest boi on the continent.

On the way to Dragonstone, Tyrion has immediately spilled to Varys because let’s be honest: Jon’s true parentage was always going to stay a secret for about, meh, an hour? And now eight people know--Jon, Dany, Sansa, Arya, Tyrion, Varys, Sam, and BranBot. Which makes it less a secret and more info. If the internetz had existed back then, the whole of Twitter would’ve known within fifteen minutes. #JongonSnowgaryen would trend worldwide. Westeroswide? 

I need to start following The_Mastr. 

People like Jon. They follow Jon (even tho he’s a terrible pet owner). If this were to get out, Dany would lose the North--Winterfell and the Vale. Sansa would see to that. 

Tyrion suggests marrying them and they could rule together. They love each other, but Varys ain’t so sure Jon could ever see beyond that whole “she’s his aunt” thing. And Dany doesn’t like to have her authority questioned. Then Tyrion cheerfully suggests that Cersei could end up killing them all anyway and that would solve their problems.

And then Guyliner Greyjoy comes out of nowhere and motherfucking shoots down Rhaegal!

I literally gasped “NOOOOOOOOO!” out loud when this happened. My animal-loving heart can only take so much, Game of Thrones. There’s a fan theory that technically we didn’t see Rhaegal die and two somethings appeared in the sky in the trailer for the next episode so he could come back with a vengeance. Please come back with a vengeance, Rhaegal. 

Dany is furious that Captain Maybelline shot her baby and orders Drogon to make a beeline for him. But afraid for her other baby’s life, she turns at the last minute. Euron, annoyed that he only took down one dragon, instead aims for the boat carrying Team Daenerys, which explodes under the force of multiple scorpion arrows. 

All of them swim to shore--all of them, except one. Just before the arrows flew, Grey Worm ordered Missandei to seek refuge on the skiff, and, when we shift to the castle gates, we see Cersei presiding over thousands of innocents who will be caught in the crossfire of war between her and Dany, her child (which she tells Captain Maybellne is his), and a captured Missandei.

In the War Room at Dragonstone--every Great House has a War Room, it seems--our merry band is presiding over a map of King’s Landing where Varys looks Dany in the eye and begs her not to attack the castle. They have Missandei, they killed Rhaegal, yes, but thousands of innocents are held inside the Red Keep, which is Cersei’s modus operandi. Varys pleads with her not to destroy the city she came to save but Dany believes she has a destiny to rid the world of tyrants, and she will fulfill it, no matter the cost.

That sounds vaguely culty, Dany. It wasn’t that long ago you were doing all you could to avoid a battle inside King’s Landing, cus you didn’t wanna destroy the city and the people you were gonna rule over. What happened? Don’t go all Aerys on us.

Tyrion suggests offering Cersei her life in exchange for the throne to avoid carnage. Dany knows Cersei will never go for it, but it’s good for PR, anyway. The people will know that Daenerys Stormborn tried to avoid bloodshed, and Cersei Lannister refused.

Take it back a few, Dany. Just a few, mkay?

At the hearth--there is always a hearth chat going on, and Dragonstone is no exception--Tyrion and Varys are having A Talk. Varys has served many tyrants, and they all talk about destiny and stuff. But, Tyrion negates, Dany has walked through fire and made dragons and lived, maybe she really is destined to rule the Seven Kingdoms. 

Varys considers How To Solve A Problem Like Jon Snow. Who may not be a problem so much as a solution. Who would make a better ruler, Jon or Dany? Varys knows Jon doesn’t wanna rule, which is partly why he bent the knee, but maybe a good ruler would be someone who doesn’t want to rule at all.

And Jon’s a dude, which, in ye olden times, was important. Also why he’s got a tighter claim to the throne than Dany does. They’re talking treason right now. Tyrion accuses Varys of abandoning all of the kings he served under. Varys reaffirms that he will always serve what’s best for the realm and the people, thousands of whom will die if the wrong person sits on the throne. 

Tyrion asks what happens to Dany and Varys gives him a look like “What do you think?” 

At Winterfell, the Northerners are rebuilding while Sansa and Brienne are being all secret-like, talking in whispers and glancing at Jaime. He follows them, having the creeping sensation that they’re talking about something that pertains to him. When he asks what’s up, Brienne tells him that they just got word of Guyliner Greyjoy’s ambush on Dany’s ships, Rhaegal’s death, and Missandei’s capture. 

And another for Jaime Reacting to Bad News screenshots:

BUT what exactly is he reacting to? That Cersei is going to die or that he isn’t going to do it himself?

That night, Jaime is watching Brienne sleep, then creeps outside to pack up his mighty steed to head back to the capital. Too bad Brienne wakes up and catches him. The city is going to be destroyed, they all know this. And Jaime doesn’t have to die alongside Cersei.

Jaime doesn’t think he’s a good man. He pushed a boy out of a window and crippled him for life (which led to him becoming BranBot) for Cersei. He strangled his cousin to get back to Cersei. He would’ve killed every man, woman, and child in Riverrun to get back to Cersei. She’s a monster. And so is Jaime.

And then he leaves and Brienne is heartsick and her POOR FACE. 

THIS EPISODE IS KILLING ME.

But--and I know a lot of other people think this, too--after I wrung my hands a bit, I thought about this moment. I think Jaime’s going back to K.L. to off Cersei himself, leaving Brienne to believe he left because he thinks he doesn’t deserve her. It still SUCKS but it’s less sucky than thinking he’d rather have his twin sister’s V. 

In said capital, the remaining Unsullied and Dothraki forces, along with Dany and her merry men, are lined up outside the gates. Cersei, Pirate von D, and Cersei’s ever lurking zombie Mountain are on the battlements with a chained Missandei. The camera sweeps to show both sides and when did King’s Landing get so FLAT?

Isn’t King’s Landing supposed to be all lush and hilly? What has Cersei done to the place?! This is Dubrovnik, ffs!

Creepy Qyburn comes out of the gates and Tyrion goes to meet him, Hand to Hand. Queen Daenerys demands Cersei’s unconditional surrender and the return of Missandei, unharmed. Queen Cersei demands Daenerys’ unconditional surrender. It’s a stalemate and they’re not getting anywhere so Tyrion tries to appeal to Creepy Qyburn’s logic. They have a chance to prevent bloodshed. To not cause the screams of thousands of children as hellfire is rained down upon them. It’s not a pleasant sound, Qyburn agrees. Alas, he still goes on about Cersei being the one true Queen so Tyrion pushes past him to speak to his sister himself.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are all--

Dany also thinks this is not a good idea.

Some of the Lannister army up on the battlements with Cersei and Co get their bows and arrows ready but as Tyrion approaches, Cersei waves them off with a smug smile. Calling up to her, Tyrion says he knows Cersei doesn’t care about the people of the Seven Kingdoms; they hate her and the feeling’s mutual. 

He mentions her children, her unborn child. How she loved them more than life itself. And just because her reign is over doesn’t mean her life has to end, her her child has to die. 

Just for a moment, one moment, it appears as if his words are getting to her. Cersei takes a deep breath, lets it out shakily. Lena’s acting in this instance is superb. And then, she crosses to Missandei as Dany and Grey Worm race toward the gate in alarm, and murmurs “If you have any last words, now is the time”.

Missandei’s last word?

With her last word, Missandei is telling Dany to fuck it all and burn King’s Landing to the ground.

Cersei gives zombie Mountain the nod to take off Missandei’s head, and poor Grey Worm can’t watch as the undead monster kills his girlfriend.

Dany shakes, turns, and walks away as Cersei smiles triumphantly.

The Mother of Dragons is so done fucking around, y’all.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh this episode was a ride. I wanted to wring SO many necks. Jon Snow, how does it feel to be the villain of the internet? Jaime, you best be headin’ back to K.L. to kill Cersei. Don’t you be breaking Brienne’s heart for nothing. Burn it all down, Dany! #Cleganebowl!

I am EXCITE for the penultimate ep. So EXCITE!

[mx-bright-sky]

Masterlist for all my bnha AUs

you can ask me about any of these, at any time. I love to talk about my ideas. asking about them will never ever both me.

Warning: the descriptions on the aus are accurate, but not at all written seriously, and i got more bored and wacky as the list went on, enjoy

Ones that have been published on AO3 so far:

Green Lightning: vigilante!izuku au, featuring gadgets, a smug ferret, loopholes, and Shinsou and Hatsume as main characters + two OCs

My Neighbor Midoriya: best friends au with Shinsou and Izuku, featuring lots of fluff, Tsuyu in the Izusquad, actual Bakugou character development, and the complete disregard of just about everything that happens in canon

A Shadow In An Empty Room: ghost quirk!izuku au, featuring NANA SHIMURA, ghostly puns, and lots of various ghosts which may or may not eventually include Touya Todoroki

Crossover AUs/ AUs where the characters are just in the setting of another story:

Hero Emblem: Awakening: Fire Emblem: Awakening au, featuring prince Shouto who adopts random hobos he finds on the ground, izuku who is the random hobo on the ground and also has amnesia, incredibly fed up royal guard Iida, awesome big bro Natsuo, and Shigaraki who hates the good guys because Endeavor is a dick, which is Understandable Have A Nice Day(TM)

Hero Emblem: Fates: Fire Emblem: Fates au, featuring izuku with more low key amnesia, family feud medieval edition, More Shinsou Love, and other worldly shananigans. Also no one dies because I Said So. (also, like in the game, after the chapter where the crossroads comes the audience will get to choose which path to take, and i might end up writing all three paths which would be exhausting but Worth It(TM) )

Hero Emblem: Echoes, Shadows of Valentia: FE: SOV au, featuring an author who Definitely Does Not Have An Obsession with fire emblem, they swear, secret prince Shouto, rowdy boy Izuku, general good friendship, and Darth Vader twists that I saw coming from a mile away in the original game

Rune Hero: Rune Factory 4 au, featuring more amnesia izuku because that’s just how the games i like happen to start, weirdly, Dragon Dad Might, incredibly badass moma Inko, and as much or as little fluff as anyone wants

Puella Magi Izuku Magica: Madoka Magica au, featuring pain, suffering, and ooowwwchhh feelings, but also in the end (because of time shenanigans) everyone lives i promise

Delta Rune au that I don’t have a name for, featuring Shouto eats moss, Shinsou eats chalk, Izuku has the power of fluffy boys, and I Don’t Know Who Lancer Is Yet, But It’s Either Eri Or Prototype Bakugou, Help Me Choose, People

Magnus Chase au that I don’t have a name for either, featuring Norse Mytholigy shenanigans, literally a ray of sunshine Izuku, magic elf Shouto, I Forgot Who Blitzen Is And I’ll Edit It In Later, Fuck, Valkyrie Jirou, chaotic good kids of class 1-A that fuck shit up as a Family, shapeshifter Shinsou, and some good wholesome momojirou

Fossil Fighters Champions au and i’m starting to realize i’m not good at naming things yet, featuring It’s A Pokemon AU But With Dinosaurs, where are all my fossil fighters kids at, Literally A Skeleton Man Toshinori, and low key causing the end of the world by accident

Mekakucity Heroes: Kagepro au (finally something else that actually has a name), featuring One Big Damn Family, whoops I think Kirishima is dead, Bakugou is more depressed and less of a bitch, Izuku is actually 150 years old but is basically 15 in body and spirit so details details, Actually, Technically Everyone Is Dead, But Not, everyone has crazy powers but not the same powers that their quirks are, and Kagepro is fucking weird and also niche so probably a very small fan base here

Sword Hero Online: sao au but it’s 1000% better than sao in every way and makes sense, featuring Everyone Is A Gamer, Bakugou being that douche who cusses people out online in chat, Izuku playing DPS, Kiri playing Tank, Uraraka playing Support, and a story that actually has an end and doesn’t drag out forever

AUs set in the BNHA universe:

Shinsou with One For All AU, featuring bffs Izuku and Shinsou, again, because that’s just my brand at this point, Izuku having a quirk and it’s basically that he’s a dnd character (luck and dice rolls), not much else because I came up with this idea like yesterday and haven’t had a lot of time to plan rip

A Bit Of Irony: Hisashi Midoriya is a villain au, featuring slightly pyrophobic Izuku, bonding over garbage fire dads, and a lot of other things that I don’t want to give away just yet but it’s good trust me I promise

Mirrored Fate: Okay, it’s an au of the above where Izuku has both his parent’s quirks, featuring not really a villain and doesn’t actually want to hurt people but is kinda stuck here Izuku, Shouto befriending the technically not a villain, villains not every getting the hint that Izuku will never stop helping the heroes with shit, and Izuku eventually getting saved I promise

again, because I cannot stop, it’s another au that sort of follows the one above but in this one it’s Villain!Endeavor and Number 2 Hero!Hisashi Midoriya, featuring absolutely horrible garbage fire dads, the number two hero spot must be cursed to make you a douche unless if you’re Hawks, a villain second only to All For One who just wants to beat the shit out of All Might, and like izuku in the au above, shouto helping the heroes at literally any opportunity because the villains can’t catch the hint that these kids are just good kiddos

Shouto and Izuku swap AU, featuring Shouto Midoriya as achey brakey bone hurt juice boy, Izuku Todoroki as oh god stop the feels no, Shouto taking absolutely none of Bakugou’s shit except he can’t actually physically do anything to stop it, making friends and being nice out of spite, and Shouto using support gear which may or may not include a taser which solves a lot of problems to be honest

MY Hero Academia: it’s bnha but I do literally whatever the fuck I want to it when it comes to fixing things, featuring a sentient narrator who is too sassy, Izuku staying quirkless, Bakugou being less of a douche and then getting actual character development, no Mineta, well designed costumes, and much much more

Is It A Crime To Have A Good Time: Fun little one shot where the villains just spend the day at an amusement park. Not doing malicious things, mind you, but just general petty things, such as popping kids’ balloons, cutting in line, playing bumper cart in the go karts that explicitly say ‘do not use like bumper karts’, etc. 

Secret Identities: au where it’s only 8% of the population that has quirks and so they’re more like vigilante heroes that you see in comic books, featuring identity hiding shenanigans, accidentally falling in love with both a person’s secret identity and real person, oblivious lesbians (written by a hella oblivious lesbian), and hiding quirks badly

AU where kouta replaces bakugou and bakugou replaces kouta, featuring an actually decent childhood friendship, Kouta being incredibly done with his reckless bff who just got the ultimate quirk of breaking his bones, and becoming a hero to stop your best friend from getting himself killed smh

it’s bnha but I randomized who ends up in Class A and who ends up in Class B, featuring lots of Class B kids, and honestly, isn’t that enough to make you want it?

The Purrfect Hero: CAT QUIRK AU!! featuring cat boy Izuku, lots of obscure cat facts, absolutely always fucking tired and has sleepy bitch disease Izuku, sometimes knocks things off tables on accident, sometimes knocks things off tables on purpose, feels like he doesn’t get taken seriously, and immediately bonds with Shouto over mmm left side warm and bonds with Shinsou over ‘OH MY GOD YOU’RE A CAT’

Underground Avengers: okay, you know how in like episode two when All Might is explaining his injury he says he got it in a fight five years ago, and we as the audience now know that it was against AFO??? Okay, in this AU, the result of that fight was reversed and AFO won and All Might is in hiding and unable to use his quirk anymore, featuring dystopian au vibes, Aizawa Is Always A Mom, secretly used to be a pro hero Inko, and actually on the side of the good guys for once Stain even those he’s a bastard and I hate him in canon

there’s probably more that I’m forgetting, but I’ll edit it and add what I’m missing later

[gifsbysimplysonia]

Just a lot of personal rambling behind the cut on how I feel about the way “going out alone” seems to be portrayed in media these days.

So, this came across my Twitter timeline and I took a look because I often have to go to concerts, drag shows or wrestling shows alone. My bestest friends don't live close by, my sister and I don't share the same taste in almost anything and my brother tends to be a homebody unless it is something he is super passionate about. I have a local friend that is nice enough to let me tag along with her or will come with me to stuff she isn't even that big of a fan of, but I don't want to bother her constantly and she is often busy with her own interests. Therefore, if I wanna do and see things that mean a lot to me, I gotta suck it up and go alone. 

And funnily enough, it isn't something that ever crossed my mind to be bothered about, which is weird since I am overly affected by others' opinions of me. And I'm forever being told by people online I'm too old to like wrestling, drag and my favorite bands. So the fact that I've gone to so much stuff by myself is a hilarious contradiction to who I usually am, but I'm glad about that, for once.

2 years ago, I think, I decided to be impulsive and get myself a VIP package to a Simple Plan concert. I haven't followed their music for YEARS because I didn't connect with their self titled album all that much so they fell off my radar. However, I always check in on them from time to time and I saw that they were going on an anniversary tour to celebrate an album that meant a lot to me, I listened to on repeat and was just a big influence on my life. So, if they were gonna play that album, I wanted to go and if I wanted to go, I had to go by myself. I was able to afford a VIP package so why not treat myself while I'm at it?

I got in early and since I did not want any merch, I somehow grabbed a spot on the barricade all the way in front of the left hand side of the stage. And I had an absolute blast. The openers were good, Simple Plan was just as energetic, silly and great on stage as I remembered. And then afterwards, I got to go to the Pizza Party that came along with my VIP package.

I felt awkward collecting my slice and can of pop because THEN I realized, not only was I oldest than everyone there (which was ALWAYS the case when I went to SP shows, except for any guardians at the shows), I also seemed to be the ONLY one there all by myself. BUT, I had my phone and my NorCal bestie is on Cali time so I had someone to talk to and I ate my pizza and drank my pop on the floor and was fine. 

When 4 of 5 members of the band showed up (David D didn't attend), they spread out on the floor. And like a drag show I attended at the House of Blues once, there were separate lines to meet n greet the guys. It was super chill.

I didn't need to worry about the drummer, cuz no, haha. I will not get into my history with him. But for Jeff, Seb and Pierre, I got in line. Even though I had my phone, I also had my awesome camera that my brother got me years ago that takes fantastic concert photos and videos. But if I wanted a photo on there, I had to ask for help, so I did. I turned around and asked the group behind me if someone would please take the photo for me. 

Someone agreed and asked me if I was alone, and when I confirmed that I was, she said to me, "Wow, you're so brave." That comment has STUCK IN MY CRAW ever since.

Make no mistake, LIVING YOUR LIFE is definitely an act of bravery for millions of people who are not me. So I was, and still am, baffled as to why attending a concert alone would be considered an act of bravery by anyone. What is going on in the younger generation that they see being alone as brave? That is HELLA worrisome because to me, that translates into people surrounding themselves with WRONG crowds and/or staying in bad situations JUST so they won't be alone. And that is frightening to me.

I know I am not a great person, but I know I'm not a horrible person. I have problems and issues, but I'm surprisingly comfortable being with myself and only myself for the sake of going out and being able to enjoy shows and acts and concerts that bring me joy. Happiness is so fleeting as it is, so if I can go out and capture it for a few hours and the only caveat is that I must do so alone, I'm gonna do it! 

But then stuff like this article pops up on me and shows me that the culture as a whole seems to view being alone or doing things alone as negative. At least negatively enough that people wanna tell you why it is NOT bad, or give you tips on how to cover up the fact you're alone ... and it's like, I'm nobody but as someone who has done a lot alone, how can I help someone else see that it is not the end of the world? I've had some of the best times of my life when I was by myself. 

So at the end of all this pointless and nonsensical rambling, if someone made it, I just want you to know this:

Going out alone to enjoy the things you love is not a big deal and not anything you should feel bad about

If it makes you nervous or anxious? 100% get it and sympathize. That’s a different battle to be fought and I’ve had to fight that one as well. 

But in terms of just LIVING YOUR LIFE? Don’t let the prospect of fun pass you by just because you’ll have to go alone. I did that for a long time, regretting it pretty much EVERY time. But the times I’ve said EFF IT and just done it? I’ve had so much fun and nothing but good memories to keep in my heart. 

My next single outing will most likely be C2E2 in March in Chicago. I bought myself a weekend pass and a Doctors Photo Op with David Tennant and Matt Smith. I’m TRYING to convince my brother to go since he’s the one who got me INTO Doctor Who but he really doesn’t wanna go. So? Gotta suck it up and do it myself! I hate con crowds, but there’s SO MUCH to see and do at a con (went to C2E2 my first time all alone to meet my favorite author, Sherrilyn Kenyon) that the hours fly (if I’m not waiting on a photo op or autograph lol) and before I know it, it’s over. But I had fun seeing a lot of neat cosplay and cool merch and hopefully having a cool handshake with people I admire!