#everyone has unresolved trauma and needs help

[crabsnpersimmons]

New 'Do, Same You now on Ao3!!

it's here! my silly hairdresser AU that sparked from my silly page of doodles is now a fic!! i hope you'll give it a read!

In the mood for something new? Come on in for a new hairdo! Day or night, dusk or dawn, Find what you're looking for at the Shooting Star Salon!

EDIT: they're handing out coupons for the salon! 20% off all services! Not valid with other offers. Valid until end of January 2025. (some of them are drawn in crayon by Clip himself 🖍️)

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted, Chapter 1: Unarmed, Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: (For this part only) Following the events of CA:CW, Tony Stark has offered Steve Rogers an olive branch of sorts to bring The Avengers back together. You, CTO of Stark Industries and head of Innovation & Technology for the Avengers' Initiative, have your doubts, as you're not quite ready to forgive Captain America for ripping your family apart just yet. Steve had one condition, however, when agreeing to return to the team, one that's going to turn your life upside down and inside out: If he's coming back to join The Avengers, he's bringing his best friend, Bucky Barnes, with him.

Warnings: (For this part only) Language (obviously), minor mention of alcohol, I'm obviously on Team Tony during the CW; don't come for me, awful jokes, minor use of (Y/N). As always, if I missed any, please let me know.

Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: Here's a little preview of Unwanted. In it's current form, it's standing at about 50k words, with about 25k still in editing, and I'm maybe about half done with writing the entire thing? I'm not going to lie, it starts out cute and fluffy, but it's gonna get real angsty and painful. Dear Reader has unresolved emotional trauma and Bucky doesn't understand the importance of boundaries in 21st century relationships. This piece has been my baby for several months now; I really hope ya'll enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917

Taglist: (Please let me know if you'd like to be added!) @blackhawkfanatic

"You're sure you're cool with this, Boss?" you asked Tony Stark, for what was probably the ten thousandth time in the last hour. The two of you were sitting by yourselves off in a corner of the common area of the Avengers Tower while the rest of your team congregated around the bar, eagerly anticipating the official return of Captain America to the Avengers. That, by itself, would be enough to warrant a gathering of Earth's mightiest heroes, but what had everyone in attendance talking was the fact that Steve Rogers wouldn't be returning alone.

Your billionaire employer sighed and swirled his glass of Laphroaig, the amber liquid sloshing along the sides of the tumbler. "I don't love it, Pocket, but it was Cap's only condition for coming back into the fold, and since Barton, Wilson, and Maximoff all went off the reservation with him, it seemed a small price to pay to get everyone back under one roof." He took a swig of his whiskey and smacked his lips.

You couldn't help but smile at his use of your nickname. Thor had inadvertently given it to you when you first met the God of Thunder years ago, remarking for everyone to hear that you were so small and tiny, he could tuck you into his pocket and abscond away with you to Asgard. Somehow, it stuck. You'd hated it at first; it had felt dismissive and condescending, which of course meant that it soon became the only thing the members of your team called you, but the more they used in their daily lives, the more you actually came to love it. It was a brand new, unique identity that came to embody the person you’d become, and the past you’d worked so hard to put behind you. You were more likely to answer to 'Pocket,' now, than you were your legal name, and you were grateful for it.

"Besides," Tony continued with a shrug, "if letting the Barnes thing go means we get the band back together, I'm willing to be the bigger person about it."

You stared at him, impressed. "Well look at you. When did you get so emotionally evolved?"

"Since Pepper told me I needed to start seeing a therapist or she’d leave me once and for all," he admitted to you with a cheeky wink; you both knew that, though Tony drove his partner, Pepper Potts, absolutely insane sometimes, she loved him far too much to ever walk away from him for good. That didn’t stop the threats, though. Lord knows he tried her patience. In your opinion, the woman was a saint.

Your eyes widened at the revelation and you let out a low whistle of appreciation. "You're going to therapy? Wow. Tony, That's amazing. I'm proud of you."

"Oh please," Tony scoffed, "I have much more important things to do than sit on a couch and spill my feelings. Besides, my secrets are too valuable to divulge to an actual human being. I just trained FRIDAY on therapeutic conversational datasets so she can handle all that psychological mumbo jumbo and then I paired that with BARF's augmented reality-- it's seriously the platinum standard in mental healthcare. No awkward silences or judgmental stares, just pure efficiency. You should try it; it’d do you wonders. And the best part? No copays."

You chuckled as you took a sip of your pineapple and Malibu. "Yeah, okay. That completely tracks for you," you told him with a smile. "So, what did Dr. FRIDAY tell you that got you to change your mind about the Barnes situation?"

Furrows appeared between Tony's eyebrows as he took another sip of whiskey to buy time for collecting his thoughts. There was still so much pain in him where Bucky Barnes was concerned. You'd worked for him in some capacity for nearly fifteen years and you'd never seen him as defeated as he'd been when he got off that Quinjet from Siberia. He'd been bloodied, battered and utterly broken, body and soul. Seeing him like that had shattered you, and you never wanted to live through something like that again.

Tony ran you through his experience with his therapeutic innovation, and you had to admit, it was impressive. The system had helped him realize that Bucky Barnes wasn't responsible for the heinous crimes Hydra had brainwashed him into completing, and so his anger over the death of his parents, while justified, had been misdirected.

"Once I processed that, it was a quick jump to realizing we can't be the best version of the Avengers if we only have half the team at home, and it's innocent people who would pay the price for it. So, when I reached out to Cap and he agreed to come back if I agreed to let him bring Barnes with him, well..." Tony trailed off, gesturing vaguely with his hand toward the where the rest of the team was waiting.

"So, you and Rogers are just, what? Good then? All water under the bridge?" you asked him, mild irritation clouding your voice.

"Oh, absolutely not." Tony took another sip of whiskey. "I can work with him again, and I'm glad to, but we're not going to be braiding each other's hair anytime soon."

"Good," you said, raising your glass in a mock toast to Tony. "I'm not quite ready to forgive him on your behalf just yet." Tony had essentially saved your life when you first met him, and he’d continued to support and guide your career to heights you could have never imagined. You'd started as a systems analyst and mechanical engineer at Stark Industries fresh out of college, and under Tony’s mentorship, it wasn’t long before you found yourself rising to the position of the company’s Chief Technical Officer, second in command only to Pepper, now that Tony had passed on the reins to her. All this happened long before he'd ever brought you in to work with him on the Avengers Initiative, and now you spent the majority of your time heading up their Technology and Innovation Department, as well.

Any kind of healthy respect you might have had for your boss had died out a long, long time ago, because Tony Stark  was Tony Stark, but now he was just Tony-- more like an annoying older brother you loved dearly,  whose name just happened to be on your paychecks. You owed him everything and that had earned him your unwavering loyalty. You'd follow him to hell and back again if he asked it of you, though he knew he’d never have to; you’d be paving the path there right alongside him.

The sound of laughter made its way across to you from the other side of the room and you felt warmth at the sound-- everyone, together again and happy. Just a few short months ago, you never would have been able to imagine the scene before you, not after the fight in Berlin and its brutal aftermath. You had thought for sure that this little family you'd found yourself in the middle of had been destroyed beyond repair.

So, you might have had your own reasons to be pissed at Steve Rogers.

"What's Barnes like?" you asked Tony. Having only ever glimpsed him from a distance, or from behind a computer monitor, you'd utilized all the resources at your disposal to dig up as much information on the Winter Soldier as possible, but even your skills hadn't been able to get you what simply didn't exist. "You know I don't like unknown quantities."

Tony seemed to think for a moment. "You mean, aside from being a brainwashed, murderous assassin?"

"Tony," you chastised. You knew that Barnes had spent a good deal of time in Wakanda before coming home to New York, working on having the words that triggered his homicidal alter-ego neutralized. Rogers may not always acted rationally when it came to making decisions about his oldest friend, but you were sure he wouldn’t be bringing Barnes back to the Tower if he posed a serious danger to the rest of you. Right?

"Fine," Tony said, with a typical exaggerated sigh. "Aside from being a former brainwashed, murderous assassin; better?" You rolled your eyes but nodded. "Don't really know, didn't care enough to ask. I'll be happy as long as he doesn't start murdering us all in our sleep. Cap vouches for him, so that counts for something. Maybe not as much as it did once upon a time, but something. But T’Challa seems to think he’s harmless enough now, so that’s good enough for me."

You nodded, taking another sip of your pineapple and Malibu, then leaned back, pensive. "Oh, God," you said after a moment of thought, sitting up in alarm. "You don't think it’s going to be like having an entire extra Rogers around, do you? All '40s morality and emotional repression? Because I am so over having him police my language." It wasn't that you had anything against Captain America as an Avenger, but there was only so much of the Boy Scout act you could take before you started getting nauseous. And okay, fine, you weren't too proud to admit it-- there was a not-so-small part of you that still hadn't forgiven him for what you saw as his blatant betrayal of Tony when he refused to sign the Accords. You'd promised to play nice, though, for the sake of your family, but your personal relationship with The Star-Spangled Man had taken heavy damage since Berlin.

Tony chuckled. "As if you'd ever let Cap's presence keep you from a good profanity. I should put out a swear jar. We could fund that crisis algorithm project of yours off your mouth alone."

"Fuck you, Tony," you uttered with a chuckle, fully aware that he had your number. You never met a four-letter word you didn’t fall immediately in love with.

"And look at that," Tony said with a smirk, "I just made another dollar. Hey FRIDAY, open up a new savings account and deposit a dollar into every time Pocket has a potty mouth."

"On it, Boss," the AI replied cheerfully.

You swore at Tony a few more times for good measure. "I fully intend to financially bleed you dry now, asshole."

"Oh no, I'm shaking in my custom Tom Ford's," Tony mockingly bemoaned, putting his feet, enclosed in the aforementioned ridiculously expensive loafers, up on the coffee table.

Raised voices from the other side of the room caught your attention. You stood up and craned your neck, trying to see what had caused the commotion. "I think they're here, Boss," you said.

"Alright," Tony said, standing up and putting an arm around your shoulder, "big smiles, kiddo. Remember, we're supposed to be happy about this." You suppressed a chuckle as you watched Rogers present Bucky Barnes to the rest of the team. Everyone was welcoming; you wouldn’t have expected any less, but as you watched their body language, the only word that came to mind was guarded. And you completely understood; The Winter Soldier’s reputation had preceded him, after all. There were hugs for Rogers, of course, but no one made any attempt to reach out to his friend.

Despite your overall annoyance with Rogers, you couldn't help but feel some degree of happiness for the giant oaf. When you'd been assigned on a mission with him (which happened fairly frequently, as he was so pathetically abysmal with anything having to do with technology) and ended up having to hole up in a safehouse for an extra couple of days while waiting for extraction, he'd started opening up to you about James Buchanan Barnes, and the reminiscing had made him so happy, you encouraged Steve to tell you everything about this Bucky. After that, the trouble was getting Rogers to stop telling his Bucky stories. If he wasn't sharing tales about growing up with his best friend during the Great Depression and all the absolute mischief they got into, he was sharing war stories of their time together with the Howling Commandos. He'd even shared his grief with you– how painful it had been to watch Barnes fall from that train and the guilt he carried for not being able to save him. He’d confessed to you once that, when he went into the ice, fully prepared to die, there was a part of him that was relieved to be reunited with Barnes in the next life, and waking up some 70 years later to a world where he was still alive but Bucky was still gone had broken his heart all over again. And yet, here they were– together in the next life, after all. If you were a different kind of person, you’d say it was a goddamn miracle. 

Because of the way Rogers described his best friend in those old stories, you were expecting Bucky Barnes to come swaggering along next to him, with a cocksure tilt to his head and a panty-dropping smirk playing along his lips, but the man who accompanied Steve was the furthest thing from that.

He shuffled behind Rogers slowly, looking at the floor and avoiding making eye contact with anyone else from the team. His hair hung long and limp, curtaining off his face as though it were a protective barrier. Though, if it was keeping him away from everyone else, or everyone else away from him, you couldn't be sure. He was much thinner than you'd anticipated, especially for a super soldier– though still extremely muscular, giving you the impression that it had been a long time since he'd let himself indulge in anything more than the bare minimum amount of calories he needed for survival. Tilting your head, you tried to steal a glance at his infamous metal arm, the thing of legends that had turned him from a run-of-the-mill assassin into the stuff of waking nightmares.

But the sleeve of his jacket hung limp, only empty space where the appendage should have been.

Curious. He'd come to Tony Stark's home unarmed. Your hand flew to your mouth to try and stop the uncontrollable snicker that broke loose at your own stupid joke. Tony elbowed you gently in the ribs to shut you up, and you hoped you were too far away and the others too distracted by Steve's introductions to notice you, but that thought flew right out the window when Bucky Barnes' head snapped up at the sound, his eyes locking onto yours from across the room.

"Holy shit," you breathed, knowing another dollar would go into Tony's digital swear jar, but damn if the man didn't have the most striking blue eyes you had ever seen. There were dark circles under them, and he looked incredibly tired, yeah, but they were beautiful. You didn't mean to stare, but you found you couldn't look away, either, and so the two of you were locked into some sort of impromptu staring contest. The longer you looked at him, the more you could sense an overwhelming sadness coming from him, as well as a level of wariness at being in a room full of strangers. It was almost overwhelming.

But then, just as suddenly as it began, the spell was broken. Blinking once, Bucky looked away and you felt the tension vanish from between you.

"What was that about?" Tony asked you in a low singsong voice.

"I have no idea," you answered, honestly. There had been so much pain and loneliness in his eyes. You'd seen eyes like that before, when you were younger and looked at your own reflection in the mirror following a scalding shower with your skin scrubbed raw and bloody. You suppressed a shiver.

Finally, Steve managed to disengage himself and Bucky from the other Avengers and began making his way toward you and Tony. Up close, you were struck by how tall Bucky was. He had to be at least a foot taller than you, if not more. And God, he was handsome. Granted, in a kind of heroin-chic sort of way, but still. A couple of good nights' sleep, a few good meals, some light personal grooming, and... well, there was a very good chance you were going to be in trouble once he got his shit together, that was for sure.

"And Buck," Steve was saying, drawing you out of your ogling, "This is our resident computer genius, Pocket (Y/L/N). You ever need help with anything technology-related, she's your girl."

"A bit of an over-simplified version, Rogers," you said, sticking your hand out to shake Bucky’s, "but yeah, that about covers it."

Bucky looked at you, then down at your hand, making no move to take it.

"What the hell kind of name is Pocket?" he asked, voice rough as though he hadn’t been using it a lot. Pulling your hand back, you shot him an annoyed glare.

"I don't know," you oozed back sarcastically. "What the hell kind of name is Bucky?"

"It's his nickname, Pocket," Steve supplied helpfully, though not without a trace of confusion. You gave him an annoyed, pointed look.

"No shit, Rogers." You turned back to Bucky and spoke slowly, as if to a child. "So, what do you think Pocket is, then?"

"Oh," said Bucky, catching on. The corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly. "Gotcha; m'sorry about that. My manners are rusty from a severe lack of use."

You didn't mean it, but your mouth curved up into a hint of a smile, too. And then, almost as if you couldn't stop yourself from doing it, you found yourself saying "I see you've arrived unarmed."

There was a long, heavy beat of silence as Steve and Tony stared at you, mouths slightly agape, and you wondered if you'd made a critical error. You were just about to punch yourself in the face and claim you had a concussion and therefore couldn't be held responsible for what you said when Bucky burst into laughter.

It was the most beautiful sound you'd ever heard, and it was contagious. Through your own laughter, you risked a glance up at Steve. He was looking back and forth between you and Bucky, an indiscernible look in his eyes, and you couldn't help but wonder how long it had been since he'd heard his best friend laugh. Hell, you wondered how long it had been since Bucky Barnes had laughed at all.

"Pocket," Tony groaned, palming his face, "that was truly terrible, even for you."

"I'm sorry," you said, trying to catch your breath through your burst of giggles. "It just slipped out-- I couldn’t help it. You know once these things come into my head, they just bounce around in there until they fall out. I didn't mean it."

Steve smiled at you. "So that's what you were snickering at," he said, amused. Damn that enhanced super soldier hearing. Rogers didn't need to be so nosy with it.

You shrugged. "What can I say? Bad jokes are my superpower. Don't be jealous that all you got was super strength and a six pack, Rogers."

Bucky laughed again, then nudged Steve playfully with his elbow. "I like this one, Stevie," he said. "She's funny."

You weren't sure why, exactly, but something in Bucky's words turned your insides into a warm puddle of goo.

Oh, you were going to be in trouble, indeed.

Next Part ->

[iamgonnagetyouback]

𝟷𝚔 || 𝐒𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐄'𝐒 𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐘 𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐔𝐄𝐒

♡ ︎ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Inspired by this.

♡ ︎ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: None

♡ ︎ꜱʜɪᴘ: Barty Crouch Jr. x fem!reader

You leaned back against the worn stone wall of the dungeon corridor, glancing up at Barty with a soft sigh. "Snape was a bit rude to me today," you began, your voice light, almost nonchalant.

Barty didn’t miss a beat, cutting you off before you could elaborate. “Of course he was rude, love,” he said with a wild grin, leaning closer to you. “That man’s entire existence is a tragedy, starting with the fact that his father didn’t love him. He has to live with that reality every single day.”

You blinked. “What?”

Barty paced around you in a circle, throwing his hands up as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. “Think about it! Snape wakes up, looks in the mirror, and all he sees is the cold, empty void left behind by his father’s neglect. It’s no wonder he lashes out at people like you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to keep up. “I didn’t even tell you what he said—”

“And you don’t need to!” Barty interrupted, his voice rising as if he were performing for an audience. He waved his hand dismissively. “It doesn’t matter what he said because whatever it was, I’m sure it’s fueled by decades of emotional starvation. Frankly, I get his father’s point of view. I mean, have you met Snape?”

You gaped at him. “Wait, you’re taking Snape’s father’s side in this?”

Barty stopped pacing, turning to face you with a look of pure exasperation, like you were the one missing the point. “Am I wrong? Just imagine having to deal with Snape every day. His father probably threw his hands up in defeat and decided, ‘You know what? I’m just going to emotionally distance myself from this whole situation.’ And honestly—” he shrugged dramatically, “—I can’t blame him.”

You stared at him, caught between laughter and disbelief. “But Barty, you don’t even know what Snape said to me. It might not have had anything to do with his daddy issues.”

Barty rolled his eyes, crossing his arms in that smug, slightly crazed way of his. “Of course it did. Everything about Snape screams unresolved childhood trauma. So go on, tell me what he said. I bet it’ll prove my point.”

You hesitated, feeling ridiculous now that you were actually about to recount it. “Well… he said my potion-making skills were ‘below average at best.’”

Barty let out a bark of laughter, throwing his head back. “Exactly! That’s classic Snape. He probably saw your potential and it reminded him of how his father probably told him he was worthless! It’s textbook projection.”

You stared at him incredulously. “Are you seriously analyzing Snape’s psyche right now?”

Barty smirked, stepping closer, and you could feel the electricity in his movements. “I’m just saying, love, if I had to grow up with that face and that hair—” he gestured wildly toward his own head, mimicking Snape’s greasy locks, “—I’d probably be rude to everyone too. It’s his only coping mechanism.”

You couldn’t help it. A laugh bubbled out of you, and Barty’s grin widened at the sound. “You’re insane, you know that?”

“Of course I am,” he said, pulling you into his arms with a dramatic twirl. “But I’m your brand of insane. So, should I hex Snape or continue psychoanalyzing him?”

You giggled, leaning into his embrace. “Let’s hold off on the hexing for now. But maybe next time he’s rude, we’ll revisit the idea.”

Barty looked down at you, eyes gleaming with mischief. “Deal.”

You smiled, shaking your head. “You really do have a flair for the dramatic.”

Barty smirked, dipping his head closer to yours. “Only for you, darling. Only for you.”

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

order in which the Smiling Critters refer to Angel as their parent, in my save everyone AU:

Dogday, by accident, while everyone is still inside. He's so embarassed by it, poor boy;

Bobby. After her rescue she hears Poppy referring to Angel as mother and goes "🥺 mom????????", and Angel just has to go with it because the majority of the toys are calling them either mom or dad by this point;

Craftycorn is next! She's very shy, VERY quietly asking Angel if she can call them dad because they helped her feel safe enough to sleep. After that she's SO HAPPY about finally having someone to take care of her!

After this, Dogday uses both mom and dad for Angel, without feeling embarrassed anymore:

Hoppy. Girlie is bedridden for the first month and Angel is always there for her, she's already all "I wish I could call them dad without it being weird" until she hears Dogday saying it. She's VERY protective of Angel and that becomes a bit worse because "THAT'S MY PARENT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT".

Kickin is all like "I appreciate the fact you're taking care of me but like Im independent, I lived through things you can only dream off, Im not calling you dad like Im a kid" and then 3 weeks of accidentally using both mom and dad for Angel later he's crying his eyes out as he finally just. Stops trying to play tough guy because he's now in a safe environment and can be vulnerable and safe.

Bubba doesn't see Angel as an actual parental figure until, much like Kickin, he realizes he's in a safe environment and Angel is his caretaker regardless of what may happen. Bubba is weirded out for some time because he's so used to never having someone looking out for him, and then Angel gently tells him to slow things down because he just had a burn out and needs to treat his mind because yes, he is traumatized, and Bubba. Straight up asks if they see him as not just a "kid" but their kid. And its complicated, but Angel agrees with the idea, and then Bubba warms up to the idea and stops calling them "sir/ma'am" and goes with "father/mother".

Picky is desperate to call Angel mom since day 1, but she feels SO guilty for seeing them like that because all the other critters are basically their kid, and who's Picky to interfere after she tried to eat some of them? And, okay, they accepted her apologies and they want to be her friends again, but should she insert herself into the little family just like that? Its Bubba who finally convinces her that she's not an intruder, and then she's all "mom, do you want to see how the garden is doing?" and is always so happy when Angel doesn't correct her.

Catnap. He has 13 layers of unresolved trauma and religious guilt, and for him to stop viewing Angel as his savior but as the only human he can trust Picky is already trying out baking a pie with Mommy Long Legs to celebrate Mother's Day with Angel. His relationship with the Prototype getting better and him finally calling him Father, alongside Dogday, Crafty and Bobby helping him stop feeling so guilty all the time is what helps the most, but he still views Angel as better than human because what else could forgive him? But when his relationship with Hoppy starts improving is when he, very hesitantly, starts thinking about calling Angel "Mother" (he already has a dad). When he finally tries that for the first time Angel lowkey is this close to crying, but they just give him a big hug. Catnap is also close to crying because he thinks he made a mistake at first, but Angel helps calm him down.

Unrelated but one time one of Angel's friends came over to visit and heard Catnap calling them "mother", and then later asked Angel if they had anything to do with Catnap's "father", because last thing they knew Catnap was having a catholic moment involving Angel and would NEVER think of them as a parent, right????? Angel's response was a simple "I know my family is weird but what the fuck, girl!". They still laugh about it to this day.

Also:

Dogday, Bobby, Crafty, Hoppy and Bubba use both mom and dad for Angel;

Kickin has a preference for calling them dad;

Picky has a preference for calling them mom;

Catnap refers to Angel EXCLUSIVELY as mom in order to avoid confusion.

Prototype refers to Angel as "the mother/father", "the caretaker" and "the parent", even when talking to the other toys. "Call the parent for that" is something he frequently says. For Catnap he says "call your mother".

[comicaurora]

I watched Castlevania: Nocturne the otger day and liked it a lot less than you seemed to, so I want to hear a more detailed opinion if you have one. Am I in the wrong to think it was more shounen and less "deep" in some way?

I'd say it's definitely more shounen. Introducing the "Richter can't do magic because unresolved trauma" thing right from the jump meant a Believing In Yourself powerup was pretty much inevitable, but I liked the execution of that scene enough that I didn't mind much.

It doesn't quite have the backbone of the original Castlevania, which was grounded so strongly in Dracula's apocalyptic grief - a motivation the audience is directed to find deeply understandable from minute one - that it gave the characters a solid thematic core to play off of. This let the writing stay pretty tight by letting Trevor serve as a foiling mirror for Dracula in their mutual disgust with the failures of human kindness, Sypha for Lisa in their altruistic use of their knowledge and their vilification for "witchcraft", and Alucard in the middle torn between worlds.

Nocturne is more loose and character-driven, but it still has a core theme - the argument over "the natural order" and how that plays into a fear of change from those currently on top. However, Richter doesn't really have a horse in that race, since his motivation starts and ends at Kill Vampires while everyone around him is more complex, trying to overthrow the aristocracy and free the enslaved and such. I think this makes Richter feel a little less important than Trevor was, narratively, because he sort of stands apart from the core philosophical debate at play. It took me a few episodes to get what his deal was and start caring about his self-actualization, and I think he's definitely got further to go. Possibly Alucard's presence in season 2 will give him more to play off of.

I think Nocturne has several independently interesting villains instead of one really good villain, which is a complaint I also saw about Castlevania season 4 - I liked Death just fine, but he really didn't work for everyone, and the secondary villains like Saint Germaine were much more interesting and complex. Nocturne does, however, pull off something Castlevania didn't as much, which is most of the characters acting on their own internal consistent motivation without cleanly falling into the "good guy" or "bad guy" box, causing them to slide into and out of conflicts and alliances depending on the circumstances.

I feel like Bathory is kind of a weak core villain with almost no human-level motivations or ideas beyond General Villainy, and the extent of her development being a darkest hour shonen villain powerup/frieza transformation doesn't help much, which is why I'm kind of holding out hope that they just bite the bullet and bring back Dracula. He's the nemesis from the Castlevania games, and while they gave him and Lisa a happy ending in Castlevania season 4, I don't think they need to keep him on the bench forever. It's been 300 years, Lisa is almost certainly long dead again and Dracula doesn't need to be full Mad With Vengeance Burn Down The World to still be a credible problem in need of a little Belmonting.

I had fun with season 1 of Nocturne with the understanding that the first four-episode "season" of Castlevania wasn't representative of the final shape of the story either. Sypha's character, for instance, was very flat before she and the gang went on their season 2 bonding adventure, not much more than some banter and infodumps. I think Nocturne did solid setup of the cast and the theme they'll be unpacking, and it has lots of room to explore these characters in interesting ways once they energy-ball-tennis Bathory out of the way first.

[strdwvlly]

i know a gazillion people have done this already but... i'm gonna post my stardew valley bachelor/ette age hcs + my reasoning hehe

to start this off, i want to say that this is based on what concernedape said about all of them being 20+ but they're also all my personal hcs so i understand if you disagree!

ok that being said, here we go

- maru: 22. she works as a nurse as well as helping her dad with research, i think she's young but not Too young ykwim? demetrius is also really strict so it adds to her seeming young

- penny: 23. it seems like she's been teaching the kids for a few years already even though she hasn't gone to college yet, she also seems older than she is cus she's had to parent her mother :/

- sam: 25. since he lives at home, i think people think he's younger but tbf i know a lot of mid 20 somethings who live at home (me included until recently). i also think jodi and kent had him really young, like 18ish, typical military couple situation

- sebastian: 27. he remembers a time before robin married demetrius so he has to be at least 4 years older than maru, and i think he's a little older because i don't think robin gave birth immediately after getting remarried

- abigail: 23. she's comfortable hanging out with sam and sebastian but definitely seems younger than them, plus she's doing online school which tends to take longer than traditional uni

- alex: 20. to be honest he just seems like the youngest to me, he still wears his varsity jacket and has big dreams of playing gridball and stuff. also a lot of unresolved trauma.

- haley: 22. she's bratty but in a cute tsundere way which makes me think she might be on the younger side. plus she gives me (and everyone else) huge closeted lesbian vibes, so i feel like she hasn't fully come into her identity yet

- emily: 30. i feel like there's a significant age gap between her and haley cus she has second mom vibes and they also seem to have some friction in terms of responsibilities because emily does a lot for haley

- leah: 31. she gives me huge "i hit 30 and realized i needed to change my entire life" energy when she talks about leaving her ex and moving to stardew valley

- harvey: 34. i think he's the oldest, like he doesn't feel ancient but at the same time he had to have gone through med school and his residency so 34 feels comfortable

- shane: 31. he seems older because of the depression and the trauma, but i don't think he's past his early 30s yet, he kinda stopped taking care of himself so it just looks that way

- elliott: 32. he's got big "phd student who abandoned a career in academia to write his great american novel" type vibes, and he's not really self conscious about being very poetic and flowery so i think he's out of his tumultuous twenties

[bellbery]

— Beneath the surface (Shuro x f!Reader)

Summary: Shuro wrestles with the painful memories of a lost love, Falin, whose death has left a wound he struggles to heal. As the group faces the perils of a dungeon, Shuro’s unresolved feelings clash with the present danger, straining his relationship with his current partner, who fears she will never be enough to fill the void Falin left behind. Just when emotions reach a breaking point, the sudden appearance of Falin’s ghostly figure— part human, part griffin— throws everything into chaos. Her presence feels both like a cruel illusion and a haunting reality, while harpies swoop down, forcing everyone into a desperate battle for survival. Amidst the chaos, past traumas, lingering love, and the fight for life collide, leaving the lovers teetering between heartbreak and danger.

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Just Angsty :p might hurt you idk😭

🖋️ Author’s Note: Hello! I’m new to writing fictions, but since I kept rewatching the show I couldn’t help but think of an angsty story since Shuro did came back to the Dungeon to find Falin but- I HOPE ITS GOOD THIS IS SOOO LONG I GOT TOO MUCH INTO IT, and I’m thinking of Part 2 maybe if some yall would be interested :)) just comment if you want to e part of the tag list of this i series— enjoy reding!

After Laios confessed the harrowing ordeal his party had endured, Shuro stood frozen, his expression twisted with a mix of rage and disbelief. His Tachi blade hovered dangerously close to Laios’s neck, the tension thick in the air.

“Wow, how shameful. There’s nothing more despicable in this world than black magic,” Kabru remarked, his voice calm yet cutting. He directed a pointed gaze at Shuro, who was visibly trembling with frustration. “Was this person worth going to such lengths to revive?” Kabru’s words struck a nerve, causing Shuro’s grip on the blade to tighten. I stood nearby, feeling a chill creep through my veins. The conversation was like a storm brewing, and the weight in my chest grew unbearable. Kabru continued, his tone sharp, “It’s no wonder Shuro’s this angry about it. The dangers of bringing someone back to life using such a method outweigh the benefits.” His eyes flicked to me briefly, but I could tell his focus was on Shuro, watching him wrestle with emotions he barely contained. “For her sake, it would’ve been better if he had just let her—” “Enough!” Shuro’s voice cut through Kabru’s words like a blade, his tone desperate. He lowered his head, forcing himself to sheathe his Tachi, but I could see his hands shaking. He refused to meet my eyes, as if afraid that I might see the truth buried beneath the anger— something rawer, something that had always been there between us. “I get what you’re trying to say, but please don’t continue,” Shuro muttered, his voice breaking at the end, and my heart clenched in response. It hurt to see him like this, torn between his duty and the lingering shadow of his past. It hurt even more to know that a part of him had never really let go of her, not even after all this time, after all we had shared.

I intervened to break the suffocating tension, my voice trembling slightly as I spoke, “Let’s have a meal first. Senshi and I prepared something to help restore your strength.” I offered a reassuring smile, though it felt strained against the weight of despair looming over us. Shuro’s eyes flicked to me for just a moment, and in that instant, I saw a flicker of something perhaps gratitude, or maybe just the pain of being pulled in two directions. But the moment passed quickly, and he looked away again, returning to his internal struggle. “Food won’t change what happened,” he said quietly, the anger ebbing from his voice, replaced by a deep, aching sorrow that tugged at my heart. “It won’t erase the past,” I replied softly, “but we need to eat to stay strong for what’s ahead.” My voice wavered, and I felt the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. The thought of him still haunted by her, the one who had claimed his heart long before I had ever entered the picture, twisted like a dagger in my chest. “Do you think I can just forget?” Shuro snapped suddenly, his frustration boiling over again. “Do you think a meal can fix what’s broken?” The accusation hung in the air, heavy with unspoken pain. “No, but we have to keep moving,” I replied, struggling to keep my voice steady. “We can’t let the past consume us. Not when we have each other.”

His gaze finally met mine, and for a fleeting moment, I hoped to see understanding, but all I found was an abyss of confusion and unresolved feelings. The silence stretched between us, a chasm filled with unsaid words and unhealed wounds. It felt like the distance between us had grown insurmountable, and I didn’t know how to bridge that gap. “Please, let’s just eat,” I urged, my voice barely above a whisper. “For Falin. For all of us.” I could feel the tears threatening to spill, the weight of my own insecurities clawing at my heart. Shuro hesitated, and in that hesitation, I saw the battle raging within him. It was a struggle between duty, love, and the suffocating weight of his past— a battle that felt all too familiar. Finally, he nodded, though it felt like a hollow victory. As we gathered for the meal, the atmosphere was thick with unspoken tension. The food was spread before us, a distraction from the heartache that lingered in the air. But even as we began to eat, I could feel the unrelenting truth between us: he would always carry the memory of her, and I would always be the one left to wonder if I could ever truly fill that void.

“Maizuru.” I stood up, trying to shake off the heaviness that had settled over us. “I will camp around a bit with Asebi to check for danger.” “But Young Master won’t agree—” Maizuru’s voice was hesitant, concern etched on her face. “I want to be alone,” I insisted, cutting her off. The words came out sharper than intended, but I needed space to breathe, to process the chaos swirling inside me. I could feel Shuro’s eyes on me, a weight of unspoken questions and unhealed wounds hanging in the air between us.

As I stepped away from the fire, I felt the chill of the dungeon creeping in, but it was nothing compared to the chill in my heart. Each step away from the group felt like a retreat into the darkness that had enveloped our lives since Falin’s death. I had been trying so hard to support Shuro, to be there for him as he wrestled with his feelings, but it was becoming too much. Asebi, my loyal companion, trotted beside me, sensing my distress. “You okay?” she asked, her voice low and gentle. “I’m fine,” I replied, though the tremor in my voice betrayed me. “I just need some time to think.” As we walked, I could still hear the muted sounds of the others eating, the occasional laughter from Senshi, who always tried to lighten the mood. But their joy felt like a distant echo, a world apart from the turmoil in my chest. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was fighting a losing battle against Shuro’s past.

We found a secluded spot, shielded from the flickering firelight, and I sat down heavily on a rock, feeling the cool surface against my skin. Asebi settled beside me, her presence comforting yet bittersweet. I took a deep breath, willing myself to gather my thoughts, to understand what I was feeling. “Why does it hurt so much?” I whispered, more to myself than to her. “Why can’t I just be enough for him?” Asebi nuzzled against my side, and I absentmindedly reached down to stroke her fur. “He’s still in love with her, isn’t he?” I asked, my voice breaking. “And I’m just… here.” There was a heavy silence, and I felt the tears begin to spill, hot and stinging. I wiped my face with my sleeve, anger mixing with the pain. It wasn’t fair. I had fought for this love, fought against the darkness surrounding us, but now it felt like I was fighting against a ghost.

What if I never measured up? What if I was just a replacement in his eyes?

“Y/N?” Shuro’s voice broke through my thoughts, deep and tentative, and my heart raced at the sound of it. I didn’t want to face him right now, didn’t want to unravel in front of him. But it was too late; he was already there, standing a few feet away, his silhouette framed by the dim light of the campfire behind him “Go back,” I said, my voice cold and unyielding, betraying none of the vulnerability that surged within me. “I just need some space.” “I can’t do that,” he replied, his tone steady but laced with something darker worry, perhaps, or an unwillingness to let me slip away. “We need to talk. You’re not alone in this.” “Not alone?” I scoffed, bitterness dripping from my words. “You may not be physically alone, but you are emotionally miles away. How can I compete with someone who’s already etched into your heart? Someone you were never able to let go of?” The silence that followed was deafening, stretching between us like an unbridgeable chasm. I could see the conflict in his eyes, the way he wanted to reach out, to comfort me, but hesitated, trapped by the weight of his past.

A sudden creature zoomed in, almost capturing me, and I instinctively ducked, narrowly avoiding its talons as it swept past. The air crackled with danger, and I felt adrenaline surge through my veins. I glanced up just in time to see the Harpy’s grotesque form swoop around, its wings outstretched and eyes locked onto me with predatory intent.

“Y/N!” Shuro shouted, his voice sharp with urgency as he moved to stand protectively in front of me. “Get back!” My heart raced as I scrambled to my feet, Asebi growling low beside me. The harpy circled back, screeching with a chilling sound that echoed through the darkness. Its claws glinted ominously in the dim light, and I could feel the fear tightening around my chest. “Stay close,” Shuro instructed, his hand instinctively reaching for his Tachi. But in the back of my mind, the unresolved tension between us hung like a storm cloud, waiting to burst. “Shuro, wait!” I called out, desperation creeping into my voice as the harpy dived again. “You can’t let your anger take over. We need to focus! But he was already moving, his blade drawn and poised. The conflict in his eyes was still there, shadowed by the rush of battle. With every flick of his wrist, I saw glimpses of the past the burden of his unresolved feelings, the lingering ghosts of what once was.

Suddenly, I saw another harpy swooping toward me, and in a moment of instinct, I shoved Shuro aside to avoid getting caught in its claws. “Warn the others!” I yelled as I narrowly dodged the second harpy, adrenaline coursing through my veins. “Y/N, no!” Shuro shouted, his voice filled with panic as he rushed to regain his footing, anger flaring once again. But I couldn't afford to think about his feelings right now; I had to survive. The sudden shift in the air as I was flung away sent my heart racing. My body collided roughly with the cold, uneven surface of a rooftop, knocking the breath from my lungs. But it wasn’t the pain that froze me in place it was what I saw next.

Just beyond the shadowed edge of the roof stood Falin.

Her figure was illuminated by the pale light of the moon, her skin glowing with an ethereal radiance. Her expression was just as I remembered—gentle, yet tinged with a sorrowful depth in her eyes. Half of her body had transformed into that of a griffin, red dragon scales glinting under the moonlight, a long tail sweeping behind her. My mind struggled to comprehend it. She was supposed to be gone, just a memory, a shadow that lingered in Shuro’s heart. Yet here she was, standing before me, as real as the frigid night air.

“Falin?” I whispered, my voice barely a breath, steeped in disbelief. My legs trembled beneath me, the ache in my chest growing tighter. This had to be a cruel trick, a mirage spun by the dungeon. But her presence felt real just as Shuro had described her, never fully forgotten, never truly at rest. Beside her, harpies cackled and screeched, their feathers ruffling as their sharp claws gleamed in the moonlight. They took flight, swooping toward the group below. Panic shot through me, snapping me back to the present danger. “Everyone, look out!” I shouted, my voice cutting through the night as I watched the creatures dive toward my friends.

As the harpies descended with terrifying speed and Falin’s haunting gaze locked onto Shuro, I felt the weight of unresolved pasts pressing down on us, signaling that our greatest challenges were yet to unfold. The story was far from over…

🖋️ Author’s Note: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING MY FIRST FIC, and please like, reblog and comment for feedbacks or any critique so i could improve better :> THANJ YOU SO MUCH

[yesokayiknow]

anything on 13 and 14 for the bigeneration?

-since there’s already two of them, fourteen never gets shot, which means fifteen won’t be around for a while yet 😔. it also means that both the doctors play their own games against the toymaker! fourteen sticks with highest card, thirteen goes with mario kart (and wins, for the record. yes she will be holding the fact that she won her game and fourteen lost over his head forever. oh what’s that his game was pure chance and doesn’t have anything to do with his level of skill? tough)

-donna's spare room only has one bed, and they argue over who gets it for like an hour (thirteen's like i sleep on the floor a lot anyway it's fine you take the bed and fourteen's like you literally died like 5 hours ago YOU take the bed) until donna's like Why Doesn't Somebody Take The Fucking Sofa. that somebody is thirteen bc fourteen's really tall lmao. donna comes downstairs the next morning to find fourteen curled up on the floor next to the sofa anyway and is like hm i sure hope this won't be representative of their general relationship!

-for the first week, thirteen is very much not fun to be around for reasons of she literally just fucking died and was kind of hoping that it would mean she didn't have to deal with any of that unresolved trauma (spoiler alert it's still there but It's Worse Now). eventually even fourteen starts avoiding her, which makes it ten times worse (turns out she's uh kinda bleeding psychically. that's what happens when two aliens rip open your memories again and again and then your best enemy forces a regeneration on you). this goes on until she snaps at rose, at which point donna sits her down in the shed and is like we're going to talk or else i will physically kick you out. an hour (and a lot of tears) later she brings fourteen in too. they end up having semi regular check in sessions after that and it really does help

-around a month in, they just Vanish and the tardis is gone too, and donna's like well they could've left a fucking note. but i get it. and then rose is like mum come look!!! and takes her into the shed, which is now bigger on the inside and has two full rooms, one with rose's workshop (now with a bunch of vintage sewing and knitting machines in) and one with the tardis and a hammock (for thirteen) and a sofa bed (for fourteen). donna's like oh you definitely should be in seperate rooms you guys are unhealthily close and they're like we can't hear you over our amazing coping methods

-yeah they're like. really codependent. they also have vastly different ways of getting comfort (fourteen needs to be touching somebody at all times, and also loves comfortable silences; thirteen needs a five foot cube of personal space and also can't stop talking ever Or Else The Thoughts Get Her) which isn't a super great way to live tbh! luckily you kinda need surgical tools to seperate donna and fourteen, and rose and thirteen can talk at each other for hours, so it kinda balances out. the fact that they physically need to interact with other people really helps dskjldsajklds

-while fourteen isn't ten, he's just like a more mature version of him, so he slots very easily back into donna and wilf (and even sylvia)'s lives. thirteen, on the other hand, is a completely new person, and does often feel a little out of place. once everyone else realises she feels like this they're like what the fuck are you talking about. you're sad and feral. that's the doctor

-they do eventually get better with uh lots of therapy and also getting desk jobs at unit (fourteen ends up more with the organisational side while thirteen is just Generally Sciencey. she has like forty experiments going at once. kate only knows about around 2/3 of them) plus the shed expands eventually and thirteen gets her own workshop and tinkering really helps calm her down. meanwhile fourteen starts getting into baking, and that helps him too. they both just really needed a breather, yknow?

[gravidwithlore]

Thought about this a while ago and just remembered it, but: someone who was mind-controlled, hypnotized, etc into being a mindless horny breeder; captured by some mysterious creature in a cave and fed some strange fluids that kept them pliant and horny and happily cumming out egg after egg right alongside a whole host of hypnotized breeders.

Then, this person is saved. The creature is defeated, their nest cleared, and everyone is taken care of as they birth the last of their eggs and slowly remember themselves. They're ushered back into their old lives, or even new lives if they want them. At some point a support group is formed, and most of the former 'breeders' meet up about once a month to help each other process the trauma of what happened to them (some cant stomach the memories, try to push down their feelings, and try to move on and pretend it never happened at all). All are glad that the ordeal has ended, the creature defeated and gone, and they're in control of their lives once again. All except.... one.

They try to bring it up to the rest of the group about a year after they're set free, but everyone looks at them like they've just grown 5 heads. Of course they don't miss the part of being drugged and kept in a dank dark cave, never to see the sun. That part was shitty, and just plain fucked up. That part still makes them angry and sad, remembering those months, or maybe years? It's still so hard to keep the timeline right. But they find they miss the breeding part, being fucked more full than they've ever felt in their life, feeling pleasure they never could have imagined, being kept and taken care of, but most of all being so round and full of life.

And they begin to feel so guilty about it. They've been given a second chance at life, and on paper its a good life, a very good life. But then sometimes in the middle of the night, their intestines shifts, and in their half-asleep state it reminds them the eggs shifting, almost due in their heavy low belly; and before they know it they're already quietly whining and rubbing their thighs together, needy and wet and... and empty.

They've considered just going down to the local tavern and bending over for the first taker, or if their lucky, takers, but something in them doesn't feel right when they think of having children, even if they were to give the child up for adoption. Ethically it doesn't feel right to bring a child into the world to temporarily satisfy this urge, this primal need, leftover from when they were kidnapped and drugged and kept prisoner and breeder in a deep cave by a monster that went too far in following its instincts. They've resigned themselves to keeping this urge secret and unresolved, becoming more withdrawn by the day, weeping and desperately failing to satisfy their body by night.

Until one day, they pass by a witches shop. The witch's shop is generally avoided unless someone in town really needs something or a rich customer is coming from out of town. They have passed by the witch's shop before, avoiding it like everyone else, but this day theres a new sign out front: INCUBATOR NEEDED. APPLY INSIDE.

They blush and keep walking, hoping that no one noticed them staring so intensely at the sign. It takes them 3 days to gather up the courage to actually go into the witch's shop, resume in hand. She recognizes them immediately, knows them as one of the victims of that horrible brainwashing monster that was killed over a year ago. She doesn't have to say it out loud, but with a knowing wink they know that she knows exactly what they've been craving. She explains the job, basically some ingredients and materials, most ingredients and materials actually, grow best when incubated in a living host, and the best place to incubate something in a living host is in their womb, either one they were born with or one magically placed there. Usually she would do it herself, but business has been booming, and she A) is having a hard time keeping certain things in stock and B) its just not very convenient when you're also trying to rush around and run your own business.

Theyre offered the job immediately, as they were the only applicant, and the witch is in a bit of a rush to catch up with their orders. The next day they go back to the shop and the witch starts them off with something they're familiar with, eggs. After preparing them mentally and physically, the witch offers them something to take the edge off. An aphrodisiac, a sedative, something to help it all feel better. They shake their head, they need to be sure the pleasure is theirs, just theirs. They need to be sure that this is what they really want, still a bit scared their desperate fantasy can never be their reality. The witch nods, understanding, and opens up a portal, and a tentacled being from beyond time and space appears and immediately grabs them and begins to fuck them. Filling them deeper and wider than they've ever been before, even compared to first monster that bred them. As the first egg slips into their womb, they scream in relief and pleasure. Their eyes glaze over as they roll back in their head as their swelling belly grazes against their thighs. And when the tentacle being cums inside them, rapidly swelling and rounding out their egg-filled belly to the point they look overdue, they cum so hard they pass out.

When they come to, the witch is wiping their forehead with a cool damp rag. They're laid on a comfortable nest filled with pillows and blankets, the air now cool on their still sweat slicked skin. The witch begins to comfortingly rub they're belly, already looking a bit bigger than when they passed out, and they whimper in response. She begins to apologize until she notices how desperately they're rutting their hips in the air, desperate for more friction. It takes them a moment in their fucked out state to realize what they were doing, and they begin to grow red with embarrassment of acting like that in front of their new boss. But she chuckles, and mentions that was part of why it was so difficult running a business and trying to incubate ingredients herself. She reveals she already inserted a plug within you, as an extra precaution to make sure everything stay put until they were ready to lay, and with a wave of her hand the plug begins to pulse, slowly but satisfyingly. Its nothing like the rough and desperate movement of the creature that had brought them so much pleasure in its breeding, but promised to bring them to a satisfyingly slow and steady crescendo.

The witch promises not all jobs will be like this, and normally she'd give a bit of an Orientation first, but she really needed these eggs pronto. Even though they had forgone the offered aphrodisiac, the eggs emitted their own pleasure hormones, meant to keep their host happy during their incubation. And speeding up incubation, which the witch's magic was, really amplified their effects. Eventually they would be trained to do other things to assist the witch, but on their first day they just needed to worry about staying comfortable and growing those eggs.

Once the witch made sure they were comfortable and okay to be left alone, she left to go take care of other things. Alone, they rubbed their belly and smiled as the rapidly growing eggs hit a growth spurt. Their eyes fluttered closed and their head leaned back as they sighed, finally content and full. Their mind hazy in pleasure and hormones, but still very much their own. Warm and comfortable, in a cheery sunlit room, on the pile of blankets and pillows the witch had prepared for them, so full of joy and the relief of validation, and full, so very full, of life again, they began to cry out of pure happiness.

[onlyymirknows]

What are your headcanons for Reiner coping with Bertholdt’s death? Do you think he actually has the time to grieve during the timeskip or is it only post-Rumbling that he allows himself to fully embrace what happened?

Hello! Thanks for the ask, this is my first on this blog 💖

I think he theoretically has the time to grieve Bertholdt during the time skip but I don’t think he actually does. Reiner’s main methods of dealing with emotional stress are repression and distraction. He basically ignores his problems by occupying his mind with something else.

And Reiner is presented with a really compelling distraction when he returns to Marley:

Fighting for his life and reputation in a brand new war is the perfect distraction from what happened on Paradis. Not just the presumed deaths of Bertholdt and Annie but also his immense guilt over the things he did.

I think the fact that he resorts to suicide the moment he’s confronted with the idea of going back to Paradis is a good indication of how little he’s processed his emotions.

That said, he doesn’t react strongly when people mention Bertholdt which tells me that he’s accepted it factually. But in my head, Reiner hasn’t bothered to confront the emotional reality of the loss (among a ton of other things) because he’s got his finish line.

In addition to that, there’s nobody for him to talk to about Bertholdt in Marley. Everyone back home only knew 11 y/o Bert, not the 16 y/o he developed into. Reiner also can’t admit to the fact that the two experienced a big shift in their worldview together (eg- island devils don’t exist.)

So it wouldn’t be until after the Rumbling that he has to contend with a lot of his unresolved trauma, including the grief of losing his best friend. (And potentially his love interest/boyfriend depending on who you ask.)

Best case scenario is his friends/family proactively encourage his healing and don’t let him run away. Worst case scenario, he goes full distraction mode (my HC is workaholism) and won’t admit there’s a problem until he falls apart.

Some talk about my relevant long fic below the cut

My fic is gonna be about the worst case scenario because I want to dig into the emotional aspects of his character. Namely his unresolved grief, childhood emotional trauma, and queerness.

Plus I want to write about how trauma feels, having been on my own healing journey. It’s kind of a vent fic that spun out into a full narrative that I really need to write an outline for lol.

It’s gotten a bit complicated with multiple POV’s/plot threads so I’m taking my time. I watched a video recently talking about the pitfalls of serialized fiction. I’d like to avoid some of the bigger ones, namely putting in scenes/details with no narrative purpose.

Not everything needs to be Chekov’s gun but I’m sure you know how it is 🤭 so an outline is gonna help a lot. But I feel pretty good about the main story beats! I could talk about my fic a lot more but I’ll leave it here.

[super-paper]

Do you think Hawks will die to save Toga?

Personally, I wouldn't like it if either of them died. Like, the potential narrative payoff here would be strongest if both of them lived, imo. I would rather see a situation where Keigo donates just enough blood to stabilize them both, rather than a situation where one person completely exsanguinates themselves and leaves behind a rash of trauma and unresolved feelings in the person they "saved."

I'm definitely not the best when it comes to Hawks meta, but I'll try my best to break down my personal feelings on why I feel both Keigo and Himiko need to live in order to "break the cycle":

1. You Can Start Over. I'll Help You.

This one's the biggest, most obvious point in favor of them both living imo. Hawks made an offer to help Jin start over, but rescinded that offer and immediately went for the kill the moment Jin showed signs of resistance. This was Keigo's biggest failure as both a hero and as an individual, and something he has yet to atone for.

In turn, Himiko believes there are no second chances-- that her only options are death or being locked away forever. So, she chooses death. She needs someone to offer her a third option.

The set up is there.

There's also the matter of Keigo and Himiko both stating that they want an "easier world" as their core motivation, and both of them state that they want to be the ones who help make that world.

Their goals only sound simplistic on the surface and serve as a mask for their respective traumas, but... ultimately, a world that's easier for Himiko to live in (where she is consensually given blood by someone who loves her and she is allowed to give her blood back to the world in return) is a world where heroes can finally take it easy-- because it's a world that nips the endless creation of its own "villains" in the bud, through unified acts of compassion and understanding.

Both characters have caused others intense pain and hurt others in their attempts to take shortcuts to the creation of an "easier world"-- Hawks is the hero that's "too fast," and Himiko is also associated with her near-supernatural speed. They're both too impatient and want the quickest possible results. Having both Himiko and Keigo living and learning the "right way" to create their ideal world-- and then, getting to be a part of that world as they both continue to atone-- feels much more meaningful than having one or both of them die before they can see that future reach fruition.

2. The Big, Suicidal Elephant in the Room

The majority of the LOV members all struggle with suicidal ideation-- Touya wants to set everything Endeavor ever chose over him ablaze, and he wants that inferno to also serve as his funeral pyre. Tomura has got a dissertation's worth of issues regarding his own mortality and self-perception/identity, and his whole "let's-just-destroy-it-all/we-don't-need-a-future-actually-lol" schtick has always been a symptom rather than a legit proposal for a cure. Himiko wants to disappear into the identities of the people she loves, because the world treats her a little more kindly when she isn't "Toga Himiko." The LOV trio's arcs all revolve around "death of the self" to some degree. (That said... resurrection and rebirth are also heavy themes within Tenko, Touya, and Himiko's arcs, soooo....)

Keigo also struggles with suicidal ideation and places the worth of his own life far, far, faaaaar below that of everyone else.

This has already been said, and shouldn't really need to be said in the first place, but-- people have every right to feel uncomfortable and criticize a story that attempts to validate suicidal characters by portraying their suicide in a noble/redemptive light.

Next!

3. It's All About All Mi-- Err..... Tomie?

"I was fine with that-- not saving her, turning my back on her. Me, who claims he wants to help people." - Hawks, about Tomie.

"I tried to go about things the right way" is a good line that touches on one of the core conflicts of Keigo's character: He suppresses so much of his natural instinct to do good so he can do "right."

Keigo knows in his heart of hearts that "the right way" doesn't save people like his mother, it didn't save Jin, and it's not going to save Himiko. He's been groomed into upholding the society and status quo that caused him and Tomie to nearly fall through the cracks in the first place-- and I've always found it both fascinating and sad that Keigo seems to equate choosing "the right way" (i.e. becoming a hero) to abandoning his mother. Keigo effectively being *sold* to the HPSC is what took Tomie off of the streets and gave her a roof over her head-- it gave her "a chance to start over." But Keigo doesn't seem to view this as true saving. With that in mind, his attempt to "save" Jin by essentially giving him the same offer the HPSC gave Tomie was always doomed end in failure.

Keigo: "My mother feared punishment for harboring a criminal, so she took me and ran."

Tomie first ran out of fear of being arrested after Takami Thief was captured-- which led to both her and Keigo being homeless for an extended period of time. She ran again after Dabi/Touya threatened her for information on Keigo, this time out of fear of her son-- a son who had became synonymous with "the law" she feared so much in her eyes. She can't bear facing him after her betrayal and implicitly fears punishment/condemnation from him (even though Keigo had *no* intention of punishing her)-- Tomie readily leaves behind the "normal" home and "normal" life that Hawks obtained for her through "doing things the right way," bc the imaginary threat of punishment and condemnation is something that comes across as worse for her. This only further convinces Keigo that he failed to save his mother, even though he's the one who's being betrayed and hurt by her.

I can't help seeing similarities between Tomie & Himiko's decisions to run out of an intense fear of punishment/imprisonment, and how this inevitably ties to Keigo. Keigo subconsciously realizes that he can't truly save people like Tomie, Jin, or Himiko as "Hawks" because "Hawks" is part of the problem. He longs to save others as himself-- as "Takami Keigo" (which is why the loss of his quirk kind of has me like "👀 👀 👀 whatcha gonna do next, turkey boy...,,..👀 👀 👀" )

As an aside, I seem to recall that transhawks made a few meta post where they talk about how there are traces of Jin's design in Tomie (esp her eyes, which have the same dead-eyed thousand yard stare) and that their resemblance is likely intentional (edit: link to one post pointing the resemblance out)-- It's not as overt, but imo, Himiko also resembles Tomie (just a little!) when she has her hair down.

Anyway! Both Jin and Himiko dying after Keigo A) has spent his whole life agonizing about how his own mother wasn't able to survive in their current society, B) has expressed guilt about how he didn't even try to save her and didn't make attempts to involve himself in her life, C) has talked at length about he wanted to be "more like Bubaigawara" and then proceeded to roleplay him, badly, for a good third of Act 3 (ohhhh boy ☠️☠️☠️), and D) had demanded that Toga be killed immediately after she arrives in Gunga, only for Ochako and Tsuyu to explicitly challenge and reject the idea that killing was the only option available.... idk, Himiko dying while Keigo does nothing would just feel massively incoherent at this point??

TL;DR The resolution to Keigo's arc currently hinges on addressing his origin, his identity, his guilt, and his ties to these three characters. Keigo feels that he failed with Tomie, and he explicitly failed with Jin-- and I personally don't think his arc can have a satisfactory ending without addressing those failures through Himiko, or without him trying to right where he went wrong by helping her in some capacity. This is a chance for him to finally follow his innate drive to do good over doing what their society dictates as "right."

----

All that being said, if Hori did decide to have Hawks sacrifice himself: Hawks choosing to sacrifice himself because he wants to believe in the future that the hero kids are creating and wants to believe that children like Himiko have a place in that future feels WAAAY more tonally consistent with mha's themes than Himiko choosing to sacrifice herself because she doesn't think she has a future

One message is about healing and hope and belief, the other is about failing to truly save someone who was already suicidal from their inevitable self destruction.

MHA has been defining true saving as "going above and beyond" for hundreds of chapters now-- true saving means saving a person's heart, body, and soul. It means giving them a future. By mha's own definitions, Himiko choosing to kill herself means she wasn't saved. Pure and simple-- You can't save the heart but not the body/soul (Himiko), you can't save the soul but not the body/heart (Touya), and you can't save the body but not the heart/soul (Tomura). There's a lot more work to be done here-- but that's fine, bc MHA has never depicted true saving or true healing as some magical, instantaneous thing. (#recoverygirldni)

[yuhi-san]

Alright for trigun fanfiction appreciation week by @trigunfanfic I made a small fic record, though I might add more

In the meadow by @eomma-jpeg

Rating M

Tags: Milly has a Savior Complex, No Smut, Slow Burn, farm life, Knives Redemption, Hints at Vashmeryl, but I have other plans for them, POV Multiple, Post-Canon, Post-AnimeTrimax influences, Character Study, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Mutual Pining, References to both Millywood and Vashwood

ngl I just opened it because I was starved for ‘post series knives needs to learn how to live with people’ content. I thought Millyknives was just a case of pairing the ‘leftovers’ but I figured the rest might bee good.

It is so, so good and also, not a case of pairing the leftovers (if you think you don’t care for millyknives, this story will probably convert you lol).

Its 98 trigun with some trimax and stampede elements (Roberto!!). its sweet, its funny, they have ups and downs and without wanting to spoil anything, I love how it does explore that a lot of knives hate for humans stems from fear.

All the original character are great, everyone gets their time to shine, vashmeryl are so cute and silly

Sinking sand by @rainflamestudio

Rating T

Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Found Family, Whump, Smoking, because Wolfwood is here, Trust Issues, Friendship, Mixed Canon, Alien Biology, Nick's dying but he walks it off, dadberto, Nick learns he has friends, Panic Attacks, Sensory Overload

We all love some hurt comfort for vash but this time its wolfwoods turn! he’ is not having a good time but cant ask for help either. Not that this is topping vash, meryl and Roberto from coming to his rescue and staying by his side no matter what.

Hot water by OpticalCrown

Rating G

Tags:   Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Chronic Pain, Character Analysis, Light Angst

A short story about sleeping arrangements, the things vash so desperately wants to hide but Roberto and Wolfwood notice anyway

 

New growth by @puffinpastry

Ongoing

Rating T

Tags: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Millions Knives-centric (Trigun), Depression, Implied Mpreg, Mostly trimax with some tristamp for seasoning, Trans Vash the Stampede (Trigun), Trans Millions Knives (Trigun), Millions Knives domestication arc, Brief suicidal ideation, Knives gets to heal but hes got to confront his past first, Angst with a Happy Ending, past trans male pregnancy, Knives doesn't know how to interact with kids, Silly but its buried under all their issues, Hey knives what if you were confronted with the forgiveness of a small child?

Still ongoing but very good knives has to learn to live with people, specifically vash. its very well written, I love knives in this and the struggle he and vash both have, especially because vash cant just move ast what had happened, even though he kinda wishes he cold. cute kids, also bless wolfwood

The heaviness we’ve known  by @cosmictapestry

 Rating T

Tags: Heart-to-Heart, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Vash the Stampede (Trigun), Vash the Stampede has Prosthetic Legs (Trigun), Caretaking, past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Violence, Vash the Stampede's Scars (Trigun), Body Modification, Father-Son Relationship, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Episode Tag, Parent-Child Relationship, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Unresolved Tension, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Vash the Stampede Needs a Hug (Trigun)

Look, I love trisamp brad and his relationship to vash. he didn’t do right from the start but he cares so much and this one is just, oof. Goes deeper in the lost tech that keeps vash together and the pain he has from it and how little brad and others sometimes can do. Set after episode 9.

Ricochet by @heffawhump

Rating G

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Sick Character, Poisoning, Caretaking, Hidden Injury, BAMF!Meryl Stryfe, dad!berto, Fluff

Classic hurt comfort and sick character. Very well written, absolutely in love with the gang ready to kick anyones ass that wants vash harm. get them, meryl

Never understood a word by @aboxthecolourofheartache

Rating T

Tags: Road Trips, Introspection, Character Study, Developing Friendships, Trust Issues, Trust, Loneliness, Treasure Hunting, Brotherly Angst, Dysfunctional Family, POV Alternating, Developing Relationship, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, the inherent vulnerability of bringing someone to a favorite location, the inherent sanctity of natural places, eccentricity as plot device, Vulnerability, several instances of blink and you miss it Trimax-flavored Plant lore, Singing

Absolutely amazing story and character study about vash from the view of Roberto, meryl and Wolfwood. Love how it shows that there is so much rage and other emotions bubbling under vashs cheerful attitude because knives tormenting him one way or another is not so easily brusched of. But my favorite part might be that it also shows vashs silly and clumsy persona isn’t all fake either, rather it is an exaggeration of genuine traits he has. Also some really great Roberto rep!

Like Eden by @revenantpoet / @revenantghost

Also known as untitled E fic lol

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, narrative poetry, Frottage, Vash the Stampede Has Plant-Like Genitalia (Trigun), Sexual Inexperience, First Time, They're so in love and they're stupid about it, Written as Vash being demi and Wolfwood being grey but, All I know is Vash is Wolfwood, sexual and Wolfwood is Vashsexual ok, Emotional Sex, Trauma, the usual Guilt, This was supposed to be a quick pwpIt is not, Canon Compliant

Look, I’m not usually one for poetry stile and it never occurred to me before to give it a try. It’s worth getting over the hang up though. It ready very nicely, like following Vash’s thoughts which fits soo well for the situation. Also we need more fics where they get some time after the sandsteamer disaster. And especially of vash getting the chance to show ww the geodome and for him to have a chance to be actually comforted after what happened to livio. It’s a really sweet one, though of course Wolfwood and vash cant make things too easy on themselves… communication is hard isn’t it boys

sorry if this looks all so messy, i have no idea how people have the nerve and patience to put thing togetehr nicely. I might do another list later in the week because there are so many lol

maybe a seperate E list, too (Like eden gets to be here because in my opinion it isn't really that much about the smut and its smal compared to everything else going on.)

[nikoshinigami]

My Takes on KHR Pairings

No one asked for it, but I do so love me some character analysis and head-canons. So here are my personal justifications and thoughts on 8059, D18, 6927, and 10051

8059 This is canon, isn't it? I don't even need to explain how Gokudera is the pressure Yamamoto needs in his life to apply himself and Yamamoto is the grace Gokudera needs in his life to not be so hard on himself? Even their fighting styles support each other. They are dating in the manga as far as I'm concerned. If you didn't read the manga and think half the reason Gokudera was so loud about his hate for Yamamoto was basically Unresolved Sexual Tension and Gay Panic, then I can't help you. The canon speaks for itself, and it speaks loudly. Where most KHR pairings tend to be of the 'two sides of the same coin' verity, these two are opposites attract.

D18 Dino and Hibari have the same core values. They protect their territory, they inspire their subordinates, they are respected leaders, and they love a good fight. They both admire and respect individual potential and don't garner unrealistic expectations of others--they know there are exceptions and not everyone can rise to their level, but those who can had better get their act together.

Dino initially sees a wild and beautiful brat of a creature when he looks at Hibari but learns to see his kindness and fairness as he reflects on their similarities. Hibari sees a never-ending battle that in truth he hopes does go on forever, because he's never before had someone in his life who could break him down, bare and bloody, no tricks and no respect lost, day after day, and follow it up with the proper care after to ensure they can both continue in the morning. There's the rocky post-trauma start considering the last time Hibari thought he was walking into a fair fight, he was deceived, tortured, and kidnapped all thanks to mafia foolery (Fuck you, Mukuro~). But after a while in the woods, knowing this time he won't be left to rot with many of his bones broken, trust and respect are built and last a lifetime.

The man with the bronco on his arm hasn't broken in the wild creature, because he himself has been considered a force of nature and he knows it's best to let wild things run free. Hibari is allowed to be his weird, unintentionally funny, and aggressively possessive self, while Dino gets to bask in that feeling of being the only one at a house party that the cat will let pet it, seeing the softer side of Hibari that others might see but still never quite understand the meaning behind.

Respect and admiration turn to passion and reverence. Even if mafia politics only ever let it be sexual trysts, their mutual assertiveness makes it a high-adrenaline encounter that lets Dino really let loose and enjoy enforcing his dominance since his partner needs him to prove he's worthy every single time, even if only for pretense. Meanwhile, Hibari gets to be gentle and quietly seductive with Dino in ways no one would believe, relishing in the power he has over the allied Don even without lifting a finger. In the end, it's a power play for both of them that works because Hibari doesn't prioritize a win so much as he is enjoying each fight, and Dino, head of his territory's criminal organization by birthright, needs to feel like he earned it sometimes in a way only adversity can prove.

6927 Put each on either side of a window and they'd think they were looking in a mirror. Mukuro was a child abused by the mafia, his future stolen from him for its ambitions without any consideration for his own wants and desires, made close friends with others put in the same position as him, has a strong desire to protect those close to him even at the sacrifice of his own life and security, and tends to overcome adversity against the odds--prison even proving only an inconvenience as he continues to exist in the wider world mentally at least. Tsuna is a child currently facing abuse within the mafia, his future stolen from him because Vongola decided his fate without any consideration for his own wants and desires. He's made close friends with others now pulled into the mafia's schemes beside him, has a strong desire to protect those close to him even at the sacrifice of his own life and security, and tends to overcome adversity against the odds--even seasoned assassins failing to take him down. In the end, they both came to the same conclusion: the mafia is corrupt and should be burned to the ground. Mukuro has been planning the destruction of the mafia since childhood, and Tsuna told Primo he would not uphold those evils but tear it all down. Mukuro's abuse is exponentially more egregious than Tsuna's, but with that, his reactions and responses to that trauma are also more exaggerated. At the end of the day, though, you have Tsuna forced on a transformative journey, and Mukuro who, having been there and come through the other side, possesses the knowledge that there is no excuse good enough to excuse this and no punishment more fitting than annihilation.

Because of this, though, Mukuro has a kindness towards Tsuna. A curiosity. He recognizes the fact that the mafia as it exists will destroy Tsuna and try to reshape him into something else. He didn't know Tsuna before their fight--he expected someone like Xanxus, someone already made cruel and warped by ambition. He didn't know he was advancing Vongola's objectives by engaging with him, but in his defeat like saw like. Their mental bond is almost a subconscious reaction to guilt at being a pawn yet again in another mafia family's power play and wanting to warn against obeying the established authority presented to Tsuna. Mukuro refuses any show of vulnerability, but without thinking about it, has shown Tsuna that he cares about people and that he's suffering. Reborn does not want Tsuna to forget about Mukuro's crimes and to potentially stop seeing him as a threat just yet, but Tsuna has regret about the Vindice taking the Kokuyou crew back to prison--sees them rightfully as victims and wants better for them than more mafia 'justice' when it was the mafia that created them in the first place.

Tsuna, whether by their bond or his intuition, sees through Mukuro in a way no one else can. He can cut through his bullshit, recognize when he's lying or being obtuse to avoid vulnerability, and see the frown hidden behind the smile. Mukuro, on the other hand, keeps Tsuna from the evils of complacency. Cognitive dissonance makes it easier to stop fighting your morals and go along with what everyone else is telling you you have to do when you have no alternatives. His right hand is a mafia shill, his other friends trust him and the mentors who have gotten them this far which were supplied by the mafia. Mukuro alone can and will comment on the true moral failings of the mafia and has no reservations in doing so. If ever Tsuna needs to feel like he's doing the right thing, all he needs to do is look to Mukuro for confirmation.

Mukuro is also the only one Tsuna can let his guard down around fully as a mafia boss. Gokuders is a fixer--if Tsuna vents to him, Gokudera takes it upon himself to tackle the problem rather than simply listen. Yamamoto is an optimist--if Tsuna vents to him, Yamamoto tries to cheer him up and make him feel better. When Tsuna vents to Mukuro, it's shit talking time and every petty bone in the illusionist's body is happy to be in on the action. Gurl, go on~ He enjoys some catty behavior and acknowledging that a lot of people are the worst and everything sucks is a topic he is here for. Does it help anything? No. But Tsuna feels heard and seen and validated and that is important. They grow closer because it's only with Mukuro that Tsuna gets that validation and he trusts Mukuro's perspective because they understand where each other is coming from. And Mukuro is never so loyal as to hold back on telling him he's being a dumbass--something the others might refrain from doing out of respect for their Boss.

Neither of them has strong, familial bonds. Tsuna was neglected and Mukuro was.. given up to human experimentation. They both crave soft, cozy, warm love and affection. Cuddles on the couch, maintaining touch throughout sleep to feel assured the other is there and assure them of the same, gentle caresses and soft, sweet kisses. It's almost a platonic love where playing with each other's hands and fingers is a high level of intimacy. They could probably be fulfilled and happy and loved without sex in their relationship. Which is good, because Tsuna is trying so hard to conform to what he thinks a straight teenager should be, he hasn't even had time to figure out who he actually is, while Mukuro has spent his life so untrusting and full of hate, the question has never required an answer.

10051 If Amano had written Byakuran a backstory, this would be easier to defend. What is Byakuan's perfect world? What's wrong with the current world in his opinion? What is he? Where did he come from? These would be really helpful to know. But instead, we learn about him through Shouichi. We learn they went to the same university so Byakuran is likely similarly a mechanic/engineer--or my choice of physicist (theoretical) if going to a school for sciences. We know they collaborate well together since they devised Choice, and that Shouichi is a simp for his charisma. We know Shouichi trusted and believed in Byakuran enough to join his mafia family and take on ranks and titles under him. We know Byakuran believed in Shouichi enough to give him it all, and even after their time at college, they both wanted to be invested in each other's lives forever (the mafia is not something you walk away from). We know Byakuran legitimately thinks the world of Shouichi, his best friend, even if he would sacrifice him for his ambitions. We know Shouichi legitimately thinks the world of Byakuran, his best friend, even if he would betray him.

While Byakuran is effortlessly endearing and boisterous, Shouichi is quieter and enigmatic. They are the Extrovert who adopted the Introvert trope except Shouichi is no wallflower. Shouichi is courageous, cunning, and manipulative while Byakuran can be playful, caring, and genuine--as well as the reverse. Neither is, necessarily, a better person than the other at their core, and their actions are equally as grey when we don't know what it is that Byakuran wanted to give the world that everyone was trying so hard to stop. Would World Peace have been worth a handful of deaths? The ambiguity leaves a lot to question if you don't fall into the "any sacrifice is too high a cost" set of values.

Strong headcanon, but I believe Byakuran wanted a world that he could be a part of. He is obviously not human, even without the Mare ring he was able to see across alternative dimensions, and he seems to be completely detached from consequences. If you've seen an infinite number of Shouichi's, is there such a thing as the 'real' Shouichi? If you've seen kingdoms rise and fall based on a butterfly's wings, is there any permanence in institutions? If people love you in one world and are indifferent to you in another, which is the truth of their feelings? If all things are possible, then nothing is concretely true, real, or genuine. You are a player character surrounded by NPCs and worlds you can load up as you like where you can simply move on if you get tired of the scenario. Byakuran was already a god, but he was a god railroaded into living a life of limited possibility despite infinite options. I think he wanted one timeline, one truth, one world in which things were perfect and he knew he was with the Shouichi, and he was the Byakuran who got to live his life. This makes the most sense of why they had to stop Byakuran in that future specifically--because all other parallel worlds would cease to exist if the Byakuran of their future specifically won. And if the toll of his victory is an infinite number of casualties, then the stakes are so high that it makes sense why the burden of it crushes Shouichi and physically pains him at every step but also why he still cares deeply for his best friend despite it all. Because he can't offer an alternative solution; there is no cure for the level of insight Byakuran has gained and the level of detachment it has caused him over the decade. Even telling him that no matter how many Shouichi's exist, he is himself and unique and special to Byakuran is hollow because surely every version of himself would wish to think so too. He knows how happy Byakuran would be to live in a "real" world with "real" people and there is no way to give it to him--in fact, he knows he is what caused Byakuran to begin to lose his connection with reality in the first place.

Both of them will lie, cheat, steal, and murder to get what they want. And I think Byakuran is constantly amused when he is reminded of how calculating and cold Shouichi can be. Shouichi, on the other hand, is exasperated by Byakuran's childishness, but uncomfortably attracted to the sheer force of his personality. They are a switch couple. Shouichi hates it when Byakuran starts to treat him like his sweet, docile bottom and will turn the tables on him to prove he is and has always been a perfect match for Byakuran's cunning. And Byakuran doesn't care if he's baby girl or daddy so long as he has a good time. Friends, to lovers, to enemies, to… friends? Their relationship is tangled in the memories of people they will never become. And that makes them even more fascinating.

[loonyoz]

Part of what I love about Wyll is how he feels like a character you have to keep pulling back the layers on. Like one of those 3d puzzles you think you’ve got figured out and then you realize you’re right back where you started. Which I guess is just the long way of saying he's a well made character. I’m gonna do a play by play of my first interactions with him to illustrate my point:

When you first meet him you’re like omfg who is this boy with the dramatic theater kid entrance lmao. Wyll, you are so dorky (affectionate).

You next see him helping tiefling kids learn to fight. Not in a harsh militaristic way, more in a gentle and even playful way (eg. When you play as Wyll you can tell them dramatic stories about how Wyll slayed a dragon.) You're like oh yeah this guy has the whole hero thing going on. Very disney prince over here.

Then you talk to him and he talks about an evil devil that must be killed with such adamance and determination. You're like oh wow he can get pretty intense. He's so determined about this, he's willing to put aside the pressing threat of ceremorphosis. This kind of unmoving moral stance, this very good and serious abt it thing, it gives off paladin vibes imo

Ok so thats two sides of him, dramatic storybook hero and strong willed paladin.

Then you get to the confrontation with Karlach, and pretty quickly realize this flaming hot cheeto (idk why I called her that ok, but im leaving it in) of a tiefling shouldn't be killed. Wyll takes some convincing and you're like Wyll you dumbass you're seeing what Im seeing right? The tadpole is showing us she's innocent, why dont you believe that?

Then its only till later you realize he had so many good reasons to hesitate:

He has been doing this job for 7 years now, to break off from the script he's used to, is a risky thing. If he cant trust his 7 years of experience he's left floundering. If he cant trust that he's been only killing evil, then he's broken his moral code too. (If I were in his shoes id for sure be having an existential crisis)

He's learned the hard way to distrust devils, what if Karlach is tricking everyone into thinking she's innocent?

Or maybe he's scared of what it will mean if he doesn't kill her, he'll be breaking his pact, and the consequences for that will most definitely be harsh. I don't think that's selfish or cruel of him to consider killing her out of fear of what will happen if he doesn't. I think Wyll would be unfair to himself for those thoughts tho. Like the whole airplane oxygen mask analogy is a good way to talk about it. Wyll would go to every passenger on the plane and make sure their masks are on, then collapse from oxygen deprivation because he never put his own on. Perhaps an extreme and unrealistic scenario, but illustrative of his admirable but harmful self sacrifice.

In summary, his hesitation and need to be convinced shows a lovely amalgamation of his character, his life experience, and his values, and how it results in a moment of conflict and indecision.

But it takes very little to convince him not to kill karlach. You tell him twice that Karlach is no threat/innocent, and he stops panicking, and pulls himself together with the kind of emotional control/repression that makes you go "uh oh babes has unresolved trauma and needs therapy"

His ability to listen to others when people tell him he's wrong shows that he has a flexibility and emotional maturity that is unlike the stereotypical paladin. Once he realizes Karlach is innocent, the rules he follows no longer matter to him.

He resigns himself to his fate because for him there is no other way for it to be. This shows that no matter how theatrical his heroics appear, it is not merely a guise. You can trust that he truly cares for people because he is willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of a stranger.

Then Mizora shows up and his response is to argue against her, to say, "you told me no innocents". Which shows once again where his priorities lie, now that injustice has been pointed out to him he will use every ounce of his will to fight it. It also shows that human weakness again too. His fallibility (I mean who can blame him devils are great manipulators) and his worried questioning of the rules that he has followed for so long.

And then when you put all the drama aside, and listen to his lighthearted dialogue you remember/realize he’s also very goofy and the kind of chill guy you’d want to invite to every friend hangout.

asfgjkl; anyway I have way too many thoughts and feelings abt this guy. If you read all this damn. But lmk what you guys think about my reflections!

Also shoutout to all of the fic writers and random fan posts ive read that have inspired some of these thoughts

[zenkindoflove]

I've been thinking about a comment I've seen thrown around in the great "whose book is next?" debate, which is "we don't know enough about Elain yet."

I wouldn't say I'm confused as to why people say this. I know it's because for many people, Elain is easily forgotten and purposely ignored because of her character archetype. Especially in fantasy, female characters who are more soft spoken, traditionally feminine, and have a penchant for following social norms or being generally agreeable as a way to get by in the world are often pushed to the side. You see it not only in how other characters act towards them but also how readers value them. We specifically see Rhys and Feyre actively choose to put Nesta's needs (and ultimately her story) before Elain's by focusing on "one sister at a time" which is explained by Nesta being the squeakier wheel.

But let's take a moment to understand what we have seen of Elain's journey so far.

We have seen Elain: live in poverty, witness her sister's kidnapping, mentally manipulated by fae magic to forget, see her family return to riches, have to navigate high society again, find a fiance and become betrothed, host queens in her home to help her Fae sister which she hides from her betrothed, kidnapped, made into a Fae against her will, have a mating bond snap with someone who isn't her fiance, grapple with becoming fae, learning the nature of her new powers, mourn the separation with her love, processing that she has a mating bond to another, receive visions of a powerful death god, try to get back her fiance and is horribly dumped, kidnapped again, present in a battle, killing the King of Hybern to protect her sister, losijg her father,process some more her trauma of losing her human life and grieving her father, trying to fit in with her new family and her new life, insisting she wants to help the NC and to learn more about her powers, pursue a crush and be rejected... Again, grapple with the codependent relationship she has with Nesta both in setting boundaries and trying to heal, reconnect with her sister Feyre, and witness her sister die and be resurrected in childbirth.

To me, that spells out quite a character journey of experiencing trauma of many types, overcoming adversity, and trying to find her identity and place in the world.

What is most important is on all three of those counts we have seen the start of this process but we haven't delved deep or had any resolution. And more specifically, because these are romances, we haven't seen how Elain will grow and make sense of her mating bond that she feels a lot of reluctance towards. I point all of this out because there is a lot of tension in Elain's narrative. There are several unresolved plots and actions that have happened to her character that we are sitting and wondering what she is going to do and what she thinks of all of these things.

I just don't think the statement that "we don't know enough about Elain yet" for her to have the next book is a valid argument to make when you actually sit down and take the energy to see Elain. To focus on what her specific experience has been so far in the books.

Her story is geared up and ready to go. Specifically her story with Lucien. And this is leaving out how connected she is to the overall fantasy plots because the bigger point I wanted to make is that as a character, Elain already has a lot to her story and even more to explore. She is more than geared up to be a FMC.

I know especially with the ship war it's easy to get caught up in rooting for what we want to see happen. But at the end of the day, this is a character we've known since the first novel, who has been integral to many parts of the story and directly affected by what has happened in the story. So the entire attitude that it's preposterous to think Elain is ready for her own book is really just doing what everyone else in her life does to her - underestimate her. And I can't wait for people to see how much they have misjudged and ignored her.

[weewoo911]

I get not everyone wants another buddie divorce and I also do want Eddie to get the help he so desperately needs but also I really don’t want him to be “oh-poor-baby’d” through his cheating arc.

Yes, Eddie is dealing with his unresolved grief and feelings over Shannon, yes, Eddie has a lot of complex trauma that deserves compassion.

But he’s doing something awful. On purpose. He didn’t slip up, he made the conscious choice to lie and cheat and use two different women, on top of lying to his son and to Buck about where he was going. And from the interview it seems like he’s gonna do more sneaking around on purpose to make some random woman a stand in for his dead wife and he doesn’t care that she’s her own person - which is objectively creepy af

Like I can see it with the brain tumour theory, people wanna find a way to make it not really Eddie’s fault. Maybe I’ll be completely wrong and he does have some kind of brain issue! But for right now he’s just a guy doing a fucked-up thing and for once it is 100 percent his fault.

I also want Eddie to get better but I think he has a rock bottom to hit first.