#everyday i wake up and wish time travel was real so i could somehow make the city develop in a way that didn’t destroy

[tisajest]

I love California so much but FUCK I wish it actually was Commiefornia and not Neolibnia

RWers always creating fantasies, not only for themselves but for us too 😔

[jungkookienoona]

Total Eclipse Pt 2

Recommended Song: The Night by Disturbed (I know this is a heavy metal song so only listen to it if you want)

|Chapters|Masterlist|

Summary:

After a fateful day in an Egyptian tomb, things have never been the same for Jungkook, or you, after a certain vengeful god decided to make him its fist.

Genre: Angst, Actiony, Romance, F2L UWU

Pairing: Moon Knight!Jungkook X Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: Swearing, Violence, Blood, Near Death of Major Characters, Death of Minor Characters. Talk of these subjects. Future Smut

Word Count: 961

Note: Jungkook will not be having DID in this fic. Khonshu has had many avatars over the millenia and I'm pretty sure Marc is the only one that has DID. Although there will be some slight overlap between Marc and Jungkook such as mercenary work.

I apologise for my shitty photoshop, my partner who does freelance design tried to help. Needless to say photoshoping is hard. In fact other than Jungkook, my partner did this whole little banner.

Since that day, Jungkook's life had been in upheaval. He hadn't taken any jobs since that day because Khonshu was a rather demanding god. He demanded Jungkook's nights, leaving him no time to rest unless it's the day which meant he couldn't exactly work a day job. So he moved in with you, as after that traumatic day you settled down as a museum tour guide in the British Museum. No more life of adventure for you. You still woke in cold sweats as memories linger and resurface as twisted nightmares. As the pain you experienced that day sears your skin anew. Jungkook would somehow always be around to just hold you in the moments you would jolt awake with a shout. He'd be there in that suit, the same one he gained when he made the deal with Khonshu.

Jungkook stumbled through your doorway exhausted as the sun was just cresting the horizon.

"Werewolves. Would you believe there are werewolves in London? I thought they'd be, like, allies since they get their power from the moon and I get mine from a moon god. Boy was I wrong." 

He sounded almost winded, his hand resting on his ribs like he was in pain. You knew there wouldn't be a wound there though, the suit heals all injuries pretty much instantly. Most likely the pain lingered though.

From what he had told you about his deal, Khonshu had made this grand speech about rising up and protecting the travellers of the night and avenging them should they come to harm. Which meant that he was fighting anything from alleyway robbers to creatures thought to be just myth. What he got in return was a suit that healed him and supernatural strength. To be honest, you wouldn't want to be in his shoes.

You grabbed a pack of paracetamol from your medicine cupboard, poured him a glass of water and handed them to him.

"That sounds… wrough."

Jungkook chuckled at you stupid pun, "I feel so drained that I'm almost dead Y/N, I swear. It’s like I’m bleeding out all over again. Only managed to beat that pack of wolves because the sun started rising and they transformed back to regular humans."

Looking at Jungkook's eyes told you that it wasn't just the fighting that had him tired. Being Khonshu's vessel and dealing his justice meant it was kill or be killed. Before that day in Egypt Jungkook had never taken a life. Isaac was his first, a mix of betrayal, rage and duty driving him. But without the betrayal and anger, he was haunted by the lives he ended. Sometimes you wished you could do more to help than give him general sale pain meds.

“Go get some rest Kookie, I’ll wake you when breakfast is ready.”

Jungkook groaned as he sank onto the sofa bed he occupied since your flat was only a one bedroom. 

“You’re a star, Y/N, a real one.”

Your heart skipped a beat. A new side effect of living with Jungkook, you’re exposed to his charms everyday and it was wreaking havoc on your heart. Which meant only one thing, you had to cover it with banter.

“And you’re a housecat. You sleep, eat, fuck off for hours doing lord knows what then come back wanting attention.”

Jungkook pouted, “Rude. I’m out there doing essentially Godly pest control I’ll have you know. Is it so bad to want praise from you when all Big Bird over there does is insult me?”

You had a small replica idol of Khonshu in the corner of your living room, a frame of reference for your sake. Whenever he talks to Khonshu, he talks to the statue instead of empty space like he did in the first few weeks. You also had him wear at least one wireless headphone when he was out and about so if need be, he could talk without looking insane. Well, as sane as you can when a god is egging you on to kill people for justice. 

“I’m surprised he hasn’t asked you to break into a prison to kill the inmates yet.”

Jungkook stretched and you heard bones click, like the suit hadn’t quite done its job in rehoming dislocations, “That’s because they are already being punished. I have to deal with the ones that aren’t caught, who get away with it or humans don’t know about-”

“Like the werewolves.”

“And vampires. Met a cool dude who deals with them mainly. Calls himself Blade.”

You made yourself busy with cooking breakfast, “Is that his real name or hero name, Moon Knight?”

You barely contained your laughter, still unable to take the title seriously.

“Haha, very funny, I didn’t choose the name. Though it does mean I was literally your knight in shining armour.”

You could see in your mind's eye the playful wiggle of his brow.

“More like a knight in bandages.”

You heard him huff and mutter something unintelligible before speaking up, “Do you have work today?”

You dished out the meal and walked back over to him, handing over a plate with cutlery, “Nope, closed for exhibit maintenance. Why?”

He beamed as he accepted the plate, “I thought we could hang for the day. Like nap together, watch a movie then I dunno, go out for dinner before I have to do my knightly duties.”

If you didn’t know Jungkook like you did, that would have sounded like he was asking you on a date. Which was ridiculous. Jungkook would never ask you on a date.  You nodded absentmindedly.

“Yeah, sure. That sounds good. I slept awful last night.”

There was something unreadable on his face as he muttered, “I know.” Something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

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Note: Part 2 so soon! As you can tell I am very inspired

Copyright © JungkookieNoona and protected under UK and international law. All rights reserved. Any unauthorised broadcasting, copying or reposting will constitute an infringement of copyright.

[amor-immortalem]

Everything Undesired

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort

Warnings: dead dove: do not eat, heavily implied rape, gross misuse of a pact, dissociation victim blaming

Summary: not all pact masters use their pacts judiciously or in a positive way. What happens when a pact is misused in one of the worst ways possible?

A/N: so a while back I did a comic by the name of ‘Meet Me Under the Azaleas’ I’m no longer happy with the writing I put into it originally so I wanted to rewrite it using the same plot line and adding some extra scenes that weren’t in the original comic which I’ll be taking down tonight. It should work better as a fic anyway.

Chapter 1

“You are ours. We own you.”

Those words rang in his head over and over as he stumbled his way into his room, overstimulated, exhausted- a mess. He knew it was a mistake to answer the call of those witches tonight. The thoughts of what they did, how their hands ran over his body, what they had taken away. It made his stomach churn and tie itself in knots with guilt and shame. It burned just the same as the rope marks on his wrists and ankles- wounds that would heal within the hour.

“You won’t breathe a word of this to anyone- this we command of you, Avatar of Greed.”

Those women -no, they were monsters- abused the innate trust that comes with a demon who enters a pact with a human, multiple in this case. They had violated the boundaries he’d put in place the day he started dating his human. Oh God, what would she think if word ever got out? He had no way of speaking out- to scream the truth until his voice was raw.

He needed to shower, to get the stench of sex and sweat off of him. He had to get their scent off of him. As he entered the bathroom, Mammon tore off his clothes as he started the water. The lights remained off as he couldn’t bare to look at himself after what happened. Not after how he just let them use him like that.

He stepped under the boiling water and just let it run against him. The falling water did nothing to drown out the deafening voices running rampant in his mind.

“Disgusting!” They roared, “Useless! Pathetic! Weak! Whore! ….. Scum!”

He falls to the floor of his shower, hands gripping at his hair as he let out a whimper that eventually turned into quiet sobs. The steamy air making it harder to breathe. Why didn’t he fight against them harder- against their orders. No, he just laid there and took it.

He grabbed the soap and a wash rag and scrubbed his body until every bit of him was raw and even then he wouldn’t stop. It was only when he saw the blood swirling around the drain that Mammon realized what he was doing to himself- how bad the water burned the exposed skin. It felt like hellfire raining down upon him.

He felt horrible as he reached up and switched the water off. He could still hear it in his head as he reached for a towel- all the crying, screaming, begging for them to stop.

He was a pathetic, sorry excuse of a demon, he thinks as he wraps the towel around his waist and travels down the his stairs quietly. It’s early morning now. There was only a few hours left before he would have wake up for school. He contemplated just skipping the entire day. There would be know way he’d be able to function. He could always say he feels sick- its not that far from the truth. He would decide in a few hours, he thought as he crawled into bed. It didn’t take long for her to move closer to him. His naturally warmer body temperature was what drew her to him. His body involuntarily tensing as she nuzzled into his chest, arms slipping around his body. He would only tuck her head under his chin and drape and arm over her side as he let the scent of her shampoo relax him enough to fall into a light sleep.

After a short while, someone's alarm blared among the sheets- whether it his or Arella's, he couldn't be sure. Mammon patted around for the offending phone, just wanting to get five more minutes of shut eye. He eventually succeeded but not without waking his partner.

"Morning, Love," Arella sighed, her voice still laced with the grogginess of sleep.

"Mornin', Treasure," The demon yawns as he curls back up, pulling her closer to his chest. "Sleep well?"

"I did. What time you get back last night?" Arella's voice is soft as her hand slides under his shirt, rubbing gently along his side.

"5 this mornin'." He says as he tries to hide the way his body recoils from her touch, a pang of guilt strikes his heart as she notices. "Sorry... 'm not really feelin' all that great right now..."

"No, that's alright." She removes her hand from his side, choosing instead to rest it against his cheek as she readjusts herself so she's eye-level with him on the pillow. "How selfish of those witches to keep you out so late on a school night..." Its at this point she notices the puffiness and how red his eyes are. "You look like you've been crying... Is everything alright?"

He just shakes his head. Mammon wants so badly to tell her what happened to him the night before- the real reason he got home so late, but unsurprisingly, no words come out. He just closes his eyes, letting himself relax under her gentle touch. "I'm jus' really tired s'all."

"I believe it. You only got a hour and a half's worth of sleep. Would you like to just stay home all day, just the two of us?" Arella moves him so he's resting with his head on her chest.

"That's sounds.... nice," he hums quietly, so close to falling back into the clutches of sleep.

"Alright then. Go on and go back to sleep," She kisses the top of his head, carding her fingers through the soft, fluffy locks the other hand rubbing small circles in the center of his back. "I've got you."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This carried on for months. The witches would summon him and as long as he complied with their wishes, they would hold his secret. By the third time, he would check out- let his mind escape to anywhere but the present until it was over. It became a vicious cycle. They would call, he would go to them, and then he would crawl into his bed for maybe an hour or two before forcing himself to get up for classes that he often fell asleep in. After the tenth, once they had finished with him, he asked why they were doing this and they told him.

“We desire something to bind you to us for the rest of our lives.”

“A child.”

The demon’s eyes widened at that. Never in his life had he been so opposed to the idea of having children. In fact, just before all of this happened he had been daydreaming about what his children with Arella would look like if they were ever so fortunate to have any but a child with one of the witches? It made him sick. A half-demon born from a demon of his status had a high probability of killing its mother- one who he would then have to raise. How could he explain that to his brothers- to Arella? The very thought filled him with dread. How could he ever bring himself to care for a child conceived from a crime? A child that would always be nothing but a constant reminder of the worst nights of his life. They didn’t deserve a life like that.

And so Mammon did the only thing he could think to do: he fled. He ran back to the Devildom, back to House of Lamentation as fast a his legs would carry him. He crashed through the doors of the house. Never had he been so greatful to be the first one home. As he climbed the steps up to his room he vowed to himself never again. He wouldn’t give them what they wanted, consequences be damned.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been six months since his last encounter with the witches. There was nothing on their end- absolute radio silence. Part of Mammon wondered if they'd gotten what they wanted from him after all. Everyday was filled with the anxiety of not knowing. His nightmares had gotten worse. Most of them were based around those nights he'd spent with them, others involved everyone finding out a one-sided version of what had happened, all spun in the favor of the witches. He dreamed of Arella leaving him, heart-broken from the implication that he would stray from her and running into the arms of one of his brothers. The worst ones- the ones he would wake up from covered in a cold sweat in the dead of night- consisted of him standing in the witches' home, the sounds of screaming, the smell of blood, the piercing first cries somewhere between the call of a demon and the screams of a human baby infecting his senses. It all felt too real. It felt like a crushing weight on his chest.

Over this time, Mammon had grown distant from both his brothers and Arella, hardly spending anytime with them. He fell apart. The grades he worked so hard to pull up had taken a nose dive, he was hardly eating- choosing only to consume just barely enough to sustain himself. He no longer slept for fear of the nightmares and he instead threw himself into side jobs that would keep him out of the house well passed curfew as well as earn him plentiful amounts of grimm. He couldn't go on like this much longer.

Everyone was worried for him. None of them had ever seen the Avatar of Greed in this manner and the gradual change in his demeanor alarmed them. Despite everyone’s best attempts, Mammon hardly smiled anymore. He just simply didn't seem to enjoy all of the things he once did. They all knew something was wrong but when asked the white haired demon would shrug it off, say he was fine when he very obviously was not. Everything came to a head the night Mammon collapsed, finally falling victim to exhaustion and hunger.

It was after this that Lucifer called the family to a meeting while Arella sat with Mammon in his room as he slept fitfully.

"What do we do, Lucifer?" Asmo seemed distraught with fear. "Our brother is suffering from something and we don't even know where to start in trying to help him."

"We have to get him to talk somehow," Satan quipped, "Perhaps Arella can-"

"If this were any other situation, I would suggest it but right now, I don't think that's a very wise move. If she forces him to talk it could very well damage the bond they share." For the first time in thousands of years, Lucifer didn't know what to do. Whatever was causing this shift in personality was eating away at Mammon. "We'll try to think of a way to fix this- to find out what happened to our dear brother. So let's start at the beginning of all of this. What do we know about what he was doing before this happened?"

"Well, Levi started, "He was getting called up by those witch sisters with more and more frequently. I heard him come home super late- like early morning hours late..."

"And after that is when he practically stopped eating." Beel chimed in.

"And he was having nightmares almost nightly, afterwards." Belphie nodded. "I did my best with my powers to look into them but there were so many mental blocks that he subconsciously put up, I couldn't see or hear anything very well and what I could see didn't make a whole lot of sense. They weren't very clear, but they had something to do with the witches... and I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt associated with them."

"Then obviously something happened while he was with them," Satan said, brow furrowed. "But what that may be, we won't know until he talks."

"Asmo, I see the look on your face." Lucifer called out to the Avatar of Lust. "Is there something, you'd like share with the group?"

Everyone's eyes were locked onto Asmodeus as the demon sat with a contemplative look on his face. He was very slowly starting to piece together what had been going on.

"Not yet, but I may have a hunch." He finally said. "Mammon has a pact with these women, correct?"

Next

Masterlist 2

[twistytreatss]

YALLLLL the angst is real

uh so yeah please enjoy

This fic is loosely based off what happens with Anna and Elsa at the end of frozen one. Except it’s Shoto who freezes you accidentally

Warnings: Angst zero to no fluff (I’m sorry)

Reader is gender neutral!

This is also something I had thought about randomly. So I apologize for any grammar, spelling mistakes, or if it just sucks in general.

———

You had been at this for hours now. Your throat felt raw as you screamed at your boyfriend. You can’t even remember what you two were arguing about first. But, whatever it is began to snowball. Which left Todoroki throwing his insecurities at you. Insisting that you never loved him.

It seems no matter what you did. No matter what you said he would say something along the lines of. “ You never did! Your a damn liar is what you are!”

It hurt to hear that Todoroki thought you never loved him. You spent countless nights with him after an argument with his father. Keeping yourself wrapped around him as he cried silently. Whispering how his father was wrong. That he wasn’t a weapon. He wasn’t made to be the number one hero.

He was made to stay with you. Here in your arms.

You can tell Todoroki’s emotions are overwhelming him. From the way his left side spouts out small flames when he yells. But, as usual his right side stayed dormant. Except for the small flurry of snowflakes that was falling from his palm.

You wanted to go back to earlier this month. When you wished for snow for the holidays. Only to wake up the next morning to Todoroki making you, your own winter wonderland.

This had to stop. Before it got out of hand.

You walked over to him, trying to get him to breath. Just for a moment. But, all he would do is take two steps back, saying he can’t touch you right now. Which means he’s afraid to burn you. Just as his father burned him countless times when he had a bad day at work. Or a bad day in general.

You continued this dance of sorts. Until Todoroki’s back hit the wall behind him, causing him to flinch.

“Shoto, it’s ok. Look at me, we’re ok.” You walked over slowly. As if you were trying to persuade a small alley cat into your grasp.

You gently took his right hand and placed it to your chest. Right over your heart.

“See, Sho it’s ok-“ Todoroki’s left side combust into flames, almost swallowing you into them. Shoto out of instinct tried to push you away. Yet you stayed, letting your skin burn with him.

It was too much for him. Without thinking, he felt his right side go off. And the flames ceased immediately. He stared at the ground, not sure what exactly happened. He knew his right side went off. Todoroki knew that.

“Sho?” Your voice came out quite as you pulled away.

Todoroki looked up to see you clutching the spot where his hand had been.

“Y/N I-“ He reached out for you, but you fell backwards. You would’ve hit the floor if it wasn’t for Todoroki’s fast instincts. He caught you quickly, cradling your head in his lap.

“Sho, it’s cold. It’s so cold.” Your lips were turning blue as you shivered in his arms.

“Y-y/n my love! My so sorry, come we have to get help.” He desperately tried to pull you up with him. But, you cried out sharply as you grabbed his arm.

“Don’t move, ah, it hurts too much Sho.” You pulled his left hand to your face. Trying to suck in some of his heat. Yet it did nothing. He laid you back onto the ground. Your head still in his lap as he caressed your cheek.

“My love, I need to check where I,” he paused for a moment, his eyes watering at the realization. He had hit you. All of those years of fearing of becoming his father came true. With you no less.

He took a shaky breath before speaking. “I need to assess the damage.” He gently ripped your shirt open, gasping when he saw the damage. Most of your chest and stomach were made of… ice. Shiny, glass ice. Hard to the touch. Your once soft pliant body is gone.

And it was traveling fast. Up to your arms and down to your legs. You cried as you realized what was happening as your body. You tried wiping your hands against it. Hoping somehow it was your eyes playing tricks on you.

Your body was hardening and fast. It was already climbing up your neck. You looked over to Todoroki, hoping he could stop it. Yet he stood there frozen, his eyes locked on where the ice was spreading.

“We have to get you to recovery girl.” His voice came out tense. Almost angry it seemed. Although you weren’t sure whether it was at himself or you.

You cried and screamed as Shoto got you onto your feet. Begging him to stop moving you as it felt like the ice was stabbing you from the inside out.

Your legs were immobile at this point. The same icy blue as your torso. You barely even had movement in your upper body still.

“Todoroki, we’re not going to make it. Not in time.” You held onto him tightly. Hoping he would spend these last few moments with you.

“No, Y/N I can still save you!” He continued to try to pull you out the door. But, the ice seemed to be so solid that it was too heavy. Even for Todoroki.

“Todo, there’s not enough time. Before we even get to 23 rd Ave, I’ll already be, t-this.” Your eyes filled with tears as your situation began to sink in. This undeniable fate. That wasn’t going to stop, not even for a goodbye kiss it seemed.

“Y/N, I have to try.” His voice came out broken as he held your arms tightly as he pulled.

“T-tell my mother and father I loved them. A-and Rei, she was always like a second mother to me.” The tears streamed down your face at this point. You needed to say everything you wanted to and quickly.

“Tell our friends about our time in high school.” A soft laugh interrupted you. “That those years together were some of the best of my life.” You caressed Shotos hands as you spoke.

“Y/N, you’ll be able to tell them yourself. We have to go!” Todoroki practically begged you with tears in his eyes.

“ T-Todoroki, I want to marry you. I always knew you were the one for me. Ever since I met you, something inside said, that’s him.” Todoroki let out a choke sob as he pulled you into his arms.

“ I’ll always be with you ok? And I’ve always loved you Shoto Todo-“ the last thing he felt was a soft cool breeze against his neck.

He pulled away to see your face frozen. Your body still wrapped around his, a smile etched into your frozen face. He felt his eyes brim with tears as he pulled you against him one final time.

——-

Several Years Later

Todoroki placed his keys and jacket down as he walked through his home. Straight to the garden, just as he did everyday when he was finished searching.

Through rose arches and past the willow trees. The familiar sound of the pond's waterfall made him feel at ease as he got closer. He used the stepping stones he had specially made to get the center of the pond. Where you were. On a pedestal. Under the cherry blossom trees. That same smile on your face as you held your arms out.

Todoroki wondered if somehow. If he was able to, would you still smile if he managed to unfreeze you.

Would you be angry with him? For ending your life at a young age. For taking away such valuable time.Not even able to marry the man you loved. You didn’t even get to see your family, that is when you were alive.

Your mother and father came. Crying as they saw what happened. Laying at your feet as they promise to find a cure. So did class 1-A, some more than others. But, they came with the same broken look on their face at your frozen body. They also tried to find a cure, yet so far they all turned up empty handed.

Todoroki gently wiped off some of the petals that were on your head and shoulders. Placing a soft kiss to your cheek.

“Hello my love, I hope you’re enjoying the blossoms. I know they’re your favorite.” Todoroki sat down by your feet as he pulled out a book.

“I’m sorry I’m late, I was out looking for someone who might be able to help. I know we’re close to finding it, my love.” His voice came out soft as he leaned against you.

Todoroki flipped open the book to where you two left off. Todoroki read to you softly until night fell. Leaving you with a kiss and tears in his eyes. As he swore, somehow. Some day. He’d put a ring on your finger when you were alive and breathing.

But deep down Todoroki knew, there was no one or anything that could save you.

[funtimebunnyblog]

Okay so first off, I love bears! 😭 they’re so cute! I would have one as a pet if I could. How do you think the pillarmen would react to their s/o finding a bear and immediately becoming friends with it? Doesn’t matter that it’s literally a wild animal. It saw s/o and was like “this is my friend now” and it follows her everywhere. But the bear is “submissive” to her. It doesn’t attack at all and does that thing where it shows it’s belly to her all the time. The bear likes the pillar men, but not as much as it loves s/o.

Ahhh! My dear Anon, this is is such a sweet idea! 🥰🥰🥰 I have the very same feelings about keeping a Fox as a Pet ❤ I very much would if I could! 😌

This started out as a few simple headcanons buuuuut~... 😅 I got carried away and turned it into a full fic! 😘😇 Please “bear” with me and enjoy! 🐻🐻🐻

The Pillarmen’s s/o brings Home a Bear...  (A bit of a long fic; Under the cut for length!)

(I’ll stop making bear puns from this point on, I swear! I just couldn’t pass up the chance to use this picture. in any case... Please do not attempt anything that your read here with a real life Bear or any woodland creature that is dangerous for that matter! If you happen to find a lost little Bear in your travels, do the responsible thing and contact a forestry! ~FunBun)

  "What," Your head snapped up as someone spoke from behind; your eyes trailing up a most familiar muscular torso to eventually meet the disapproving gaze of Kars looming over you. The Pillarman's eyes were wide and his face unreadable, "is that?"

There you were, sitting on the front porch which was not an abnormal occurrence as this was your house and you did as you pleased...

Except for, of course, the fact that you were cradling a LIVING BABY BEAR in your lap and hand-feeding it a peanut butter sandwich!

"...A Friend." You said after a long moment, blinking up at the behemoth of a man. The Cub in your arms grasped at your hand with two huge chubby-toed paws as you pushed the last chunky bit of sandwich into its awaiting mouth; happily chewing away as if it didn't have a bother in the world.

Kars let out a long sigh, his barreled chest heaving as he reached up to pinch the space between his painted eyes with a forefinger and thumb.

"Why?" He questioned.

It was really the only thing he could say in that moment as thousands of questions rolled through his head like flotsam and jetsam. The Pillarmen struggled to keep a hold on himself, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt first before giving you the scolding he so wanted to.

He and the others knew very well you loved animals, which pleased the Pillarmen as they were Men who valued nature and precious life; Kars was no exception. They were most especially aware of your specific fixation on Bears but Kars never so much as gave the love for the creature a second thought.

However, right now, while you held a living Bear in your lap he was beginning to wish he had thought to tell you not to do something as foolish as take one in.

"Hey! I didn't do anything!" You defended yourself, allowing the Bear Cub you cradled to lick the remnants of the gooey sandwich from your fingers. You know exactly what he was thinking; he thought you deliberately went out and took the Bear!

Really, you hadn't done anything! Well... not this time anyways.

It all started when you had gone out for your morning walk in the woods, you happened to enjoy the crisp Spring air this time of year and it was a good way to get out of the house for a bit and away from the noise of the Four Pillarmen you adored that were living with you.

It was only when you were halfway down your usual route when you realized there was a little black Bear Cub following right behind you.

At first, you had feared the worst. Normally where there was a baby, there was a Mother not very far behind and despite your love for Bears you REALLY didn't want to have an encounter an angry Mother Bear that was searching for her lost baby and happened to think you were the one that took it. You did your best to avoid the baby Bear, walking fast and pretending not to notice it in hopes that it would simply give up tailing you eventually and go on its own way back to where it came from, despite the tugging of your heartstrings.

After some time of attempted avoid and evade the Cub didn't leave your side, ambling close at your heals and beginning to cry out for your attention. It became obvious to you it was all alone and even more obvious that it was hungry; as soon as it saw you it thought to remedy both those things.

Always having a big heart, you just couldn't bring yourself to leave the poor thing all alone out in the woods; especially not when it was clinging to your leg and looking up at you with those big honeyed eyes pleadingly...

You weren't supposed to get caught. You had planned to keep him a secret for at least a little while.

You had lead the baby back to the house and left it outside to its own devices on the doorstep for just a moment. Meanwhile you slipped into the kitchen to make, not one, but two peanut butter sandwiches to feed it. You really didn't have anything else to give it, you hadn't been expecting to feed a hungry little Bear anytime soon and there was nothing in it that would hurt the Cub anyways as it was mostly protein.

Your early return from your walk had gone unnoticed by the others (at least at first).

Thankfully, Santana hadn't been in the kitchen raiding the fridge like he normally did this time of morning and had been in the Livingroom with Esidisi instead, too invested in the video game they were playing to hear you come in.

Wamuu was out back chopping up more firewood to burn, as the nights were still very cold; the Warrior too far away to hear you and unable to see you with the house in the way.

Kars was supposed to be up in his study, up to his elbows in papers and practically dead to the world but of course (just when you wanted him to be working for once) he wasn't.

Somehow, he just always knew when something was amiss.

"Peanut followed me here," you explained, peering down at the squirming black fuzz ball in your lap that was still happily licking the peanut butter from its chops.

Kars clicked his tongue, "Peanut?"

He seemed even more displeased you had already named it; if you named something, it became hard to lose it. That was a rule many people followed through ancient times.

You let out a shaky laugh, ignoring the chunky paws inarticulately grasping at your clothes as a little pink tongue darted out from a tiny chestnut muzzle, dampening the glistening black button at the very tip.

Peanut was giving you a thorough sniff, making sure that he had consumed all of the delicious food you had brought him and that he hadn't missed a single morsel.

"It fits." You told him, smiling pathetically as you shrugged your shoulders.

Ruby eyes drifted down to the little creature squirming in your lap for more than a beat before he let out another sigh; this time it didn't sound as stern and disapproving as the first but it still sent a shiver down your spine. His lips pulled into a sympathetic frown as he closed the distance between you two, crouching at your side.

"Dear one," he spoke, using the tone he typically reserved for when he was trying to comfort you or give you some advice. "We cannot keep Peanut."

Immediately, you felt your heart quiver at his words; the pulse of the muscle stopped all together as you looked up at him. His eyes, normally the epitome of inhuman and predatory, now softened.

You knew very well he would have this talk with you, albeit much sooner than you anticipated originally, but it didn't change the fact it was making your heart clench painfully in your chest.

"Why?" You questioned. Now it was all you could really say in that moment as everything else that tried to come out got jumbled up in your throat.

You really didn't need to ask such a question however, as you already knew the answer.

"My sunshine, he's a wild Animal; a predator. He may be a small creature now but Cubs like Peanut grow very quickly indeed." He explained gently, wrapping one muscular arm around you. "And as he grows, his appetite will grow; you won't be able to feed him simple sandwiches forever."

Your lips scrunched up as you peered down at the now quiescent black ball of fuzz cradled in your arms. Peanut, his belly now full and all the peanut butter thoroughly cleaned from his paws and face, had closed his eyes and was slowly falling down into a most comfortable mid-morning nap.

He was so cute; so damn cute you wanted to cry. A hand absentmindedly reached up to grasp one of his paws, your thumb tracing over the squishy pads of his feet and feeling the sharp little claws sprouting from the chubby toes like thorns from a rose.

All your life you loved Bears, no matter the kind; Panda Bears, Koala Bears, Grizzly Bears, Sun Bears, Polar Bears, even Black Bears like Peanut... and now here you were, holding one in your very own arms! Hugging it close to your body like one would an everyday Teddy Bear! A real life Bear had just waddled up to you in the forest, clinging to you as if appointing you as its new Mother and caregiver, cuddling in your arms like a loving pet and cooing as you fed it an icky-sticky delight.

It was a dream come true... and now Kars was asking you to wake up and cast it aside.

"But--... But--..." the quivering of your lip made it hard to find a foothold in this dispute.

"And there is also the matter of his behavior." Kars continued softly, one massive palm gently rubbing up and down your back as he spoke. "Bears can grow to be very territorial and temperamental creatures. Their maximum strength can out lift 10 Men and their maximum speed is faster than any vehicle you can drive."

By now your eyes were watering, the fuzzy spot in your arms no longer seemed so very fuzzy as the world around you blurred behind tears.

Kars, of course, was making sense as he always did and you didn't like it one bit.

The living God's frown only deepened as the glistening of the water pooling in your eyes caught his. Truly, he hated to see you cry. Seeing tears in your eyes was something that made him weak in places he never felt such weakness prior to falling in love with you... but your safety was in jeopardy; and that was something he, nor the other Pillarmen who loved you and dotted on you, didn't want to risk over one creature.

"We have to put him back where he belongs." He said; though his words still carried that softness it was undoubtedly an order not to be refused.

"Oh Kars," you sniffed, your nose crinkling as tears began to fall. "I can't do it!"

You turned more fully towards him, presenting the sleepy Cub; practically thrusting him into the Pillarman's arms.

"Just look at him!" You cried. "He's so small and he's all alone! I don't know what happened to his Mother but she's gone and... and..."

One massive hand found your cheek as the tears came harder, a calloused thumb swiping the raging rivers aside.

"Please Kars... I can't give him up... what if he--?...." you wimpered, unable to finish that thought. You were fully aware you had already lost for today as he shook his head sadly.

Your tears did nothing to sway him when he knew what he had to do.

His free hand slipped under the sleeping Cub, Peanut did little more than fill his palm, scooping him up and cradling him close to his chest as he stood.

Your arms had never felt more empty.

"I'm sorry, Beloved. It has to be done." He told you as you stared up at him with a crestfallen and teary gaze. "Chances are, his natural instincts will kick in and he will learn to take care of himself despite the absence of his Mother. Abandoned Cubs are more common than you think. Peanut needs to go back to the woods."

That was all that could be said, the Pillarman disappeared in one blinding flash; taking the Bear Cub with him.

You were left there sitting on the porch, scrubbing at your cheeks with the sleeve of your sweater until the sensitive skin was raw in the cool Spring morning air. You managed to pull yourself together enough to not raise suspicion and headed back inside to make some coffee.

The morning passed quietly, when Kars made his eventual return to the house (sans Bear in hand) you didn't even look him in the eye.

You didn't deny that Kars had done the right thing, Peanut was in fact a wild Animal and belonged to the wilderness, but you still felt strangely bitter over it. So inexplicably angry it almost felt childish as you couldn't stop yourself from glaring at his back as he passed the kitchen table.

More time passed, your only half-drunk mug of coffee had long gone cold and your grief for the little Bear you knew that was left all alone somewhere in the woods had managed to ebb somewhat. You were just about to get up to go get a start on some chores when all of a sudden, Wamuu came through the door.

"Shoo! Shoo!" The massive Pillarman swiped his hand as he backed himself through the door, "Go on! Go back to your Home, small one."

You tilted your head, watching the unusual display. "What's wrong?"

The blonde turned his head to look at you with a frown. "I was trying to finish up my morning task when a Bear came out of the woods." He explained, finally closing the door with a sigh. Your gasp went unnoticed as he peered through the window of the door, his frown only etching deeper. "It's too small to be a juvenile. Just a Cub. I did not want to find out if there was a Mother lingering so I came back to the House. However, it seems to have decided to follow me..."

The Warrior blinked as you were suddenly out of your seat, squeezing past him to squish against the window of the door to see for yourself.

"Peanut!" You cried, your heart fluttering in your chest as you too caught sight of the little round ink blot sitting dejectedly on the porch.

Wamuu barely had a chance to react let alone intervene as you yanked open the door again, the sounds of the crying Bear hitting your ears.

It was Peanut alright, every feature similar right down to the whiskers of his muzzle. The Bear was plopped down on his rear, feet sticking out under him like he were a simple Teddy Bear sitting on the shelf of a toy store, and staring up at the door he knew you were behind. The squeaky wailing of the Cub fell silent as soon as he caught sight of you and realized he was no longer all alone, it seemed that he missed you just as much as you had him.

Wamuu stared in disbelief, watching with wide eyes as the little Bear rolled onto his back to reveal his soft tummy and stubby paws to you.

"Peanut?" The blonde questioned, one thick eyebrow raising as he looked between you both.

This was a wild Animal and yet you greeted it like some sort of pet!

As your leaned down to give a loving rub to the exposed tummy of the Bear, cooing at it as contentment spread across its features. You intended to recount this mornings full story to ease Wamuu's obvious confusion, however, you didn't so much as get the chance to get a word out before Kars was standing in the room.

He had just been about to head upstairs and absorb himself in his work, when he caught a snippet of what was happening in the kitchen. The Pillarman's crimson eyes wide as he approached, needing to see what was happening for himself.

"Look Kars!" You beamed, grinning up at both gawking Pillarmen as the Bear grasped at your petting hand, playfully trying to gum on your fingers with blunt little teeth. "Peanut came back!"

Kars all but shared in your glee, the pinching of his brows and the drooping of his lips gave away his irritation.

He had dropped Peanut off safely somewhere in the woods, not far from your usual walking path. When he had left, the Cub had still been sound asleep, completely none the wiser to being left behind, and the Pillarman had honestly thought that would be that.

It would seem the creature had imprinted on you more than he anticipated and it only added on to his previous fears.

"I'm afraid I'm in need of an explanation, my Lord..." Wamuu spoke up, tearing his gaze away from you and the Bear Cub you were most happily playing with.

Kars swooped in, taking the Cub away from you for the 2nd time that morning, much like an Eagle dropping from the sky to snatch up a mouse. Peanut pawed at his hardened chest, becoming squirmy in the massive mans hold as he let out a couple of little grunts.

It was as if the Bear knew exactly what Kars intended to do.

"I'll explain it to you in full when I return, Wamuu." He sighed as he begun carrying the squirming woodland creature away from the House towards the woods where he deemed it rightfully belonged.

You waved at the baby Bear as it watched you from over one muscled shoulder with those big honeyed eyes, feeling a little disheartened again but the fact that the Cub came looking for you still made a sweet warmth bloom in your chest.

It would be far from the last time any of you saw Peanut.

Late morning turned to afternoon and the day bloomed into something warm and lovely, like a watered down Summer day. Linens and towels came straight from the washing machine and were headed for the clothesline to dry in the sweet air.

There was absolutely nothing better than falling asleep in bedsheets that had spent all day out on a line in the breeze.

Always happy to help you around the household, Esidisi volunteered to put them out for you as you were already busy doing other things around the house.

He had only turned his back for 2 seconds to hang the first sheet, humming softly to himself as he went, before turning to find a baby Bear making himself at Home in the laundry basket he had carried out. Peanut was rubbing his scent all over the damp linens as he rolled in and pawed at the clean sheets; inevitably dirtying them again.

Esidisi found the whole ordeal hilarious, most especially when he was fed the full story of the morning by you who had come out to see what was taking him so long with his chore.

Kars, on the other hand, didn't find it so very funny.

He especially didn't see the humor in it when he found the two of you playing with Peanut in the yard, entertaining yourselves and the Cub by draping a sheet over him and prying it off like a parachute over and over.

Peanut was taken back to the forest a 3rd time; this time much farther into the woods.

Late afternoon rolled around and Santana finally left the house to go outside; having the sole intention of taking a nap in the fresh air via the hammock that had been recently strung up in the backyard.

Unfortunately, the youngest Pillarman got sidetracked when a little Bear came out of the woodwork and crawled into the hammock with him, mewling and demanding his immediate attention as he was hungry once again.

Kars, the one and only, spirited Peanut away before you and Santana had a chance to make more sandwiches to feed it.

This happened over and over and over again.

It seemed like every time the Pillarman dumped Peanut somewhere, no matter how remote or how far from your Home, the little Bear inevitably found its way back sooner or later; ambling up to you or the others with a mighty hunger and a carefree nature unmatched.

Peanut appeared on the doorstep next morning when you were about to head out for a walk.

Peanut was found digging in the trash bin when Kars was taking out the trash.

Peanut clung to Wamuu's leg as he went out to mow the lawn; the Warrior didn't so much as bat an eye, unhindered, as the Cub held onto his ankle while he worked the mower.

Peanut approached Santana when he was eating chips on the porch; the Pillarmen didn't seem to mind the company nor the fact the Bear ended up upside down in the bag.

Peanut followed you around like you were its one true Mother while you tended the yard and carried out chores.

Peanut sat contently at Esidisi's feet as the man was Barbecuing supper in the evening; the Bear watching him and waiting for supper to be served as if he were the guest of Honor.

Each time, without fail, Kars brought him back to the woods and each time, without fail, Peanut came back.

It was only frustrating him further and further.

Eventually, one quiet and rainy morning Kars went out onto the porch to sit and read; he always enjoyed the sound of rainfall and the fresh earthen smell of a Spring downpour. He had barely been there 5 minutes, not even enough time to get truly immersed in his novel, when suddenly a very wet and cold ball of hair climbed up into his lap, actually making the Pillarman yelp at the shock of the sensation of a freezing cold Cub pressing against his bare skin.

Kars was big and dry and comfortable, like a much bigger and hairless Bear, a place Peanut deemed perfect enough to sit out of the Rain and warm up.

The purple-haired man frowned down at the chubby bundle taking up residence in his lap, Peanut grunted contently as he made himself comfortable. His normally downy soft and dandelion puffed fur was now patterned down and awry, radiating with a dank with a heady, musky Bear smell due to being soaking wet.

It was not at all a pleasant smell to anyone's nose, most especially to a Pillarman's as they were creatures with extra sensitive senses.

Kars, now feeling that this was the final straw, was just about to scoop the creature up into his arms and carry out their usual pick up and drop off routine; this time he intended to take Peanut all the way down river to the farthest side of the forest and leave him there.

He stopped on a dime when two big pools of honey locked onto glimmering rubies.

"Don't look at me like that..." the Pillarman warned, feeling his heart quiver strangely in his chest. The command didn't come out nearly as firm as he intended it to be.

Kars treasured creatures big and small and this creature was so adorable, so small it made his arms itch in ways he hadn't felt since the time he had taken care of the two infants that grew to be Wamuu and Santana. Peanut rolled in his lap, squishing his face against the Pillarman's abs and nuzzling softly; his fur stuck to bare skin in an almost icky way and made his loincloth feel very damp and uncomfortable due to the run off of water.

The Pillarman pursed his lips, forcing himself to bring to mind all the logical points on why this Bear (this nuisance, this danger, this predator) had to go.

Peanut opened his mouth and let out a little yawn and a sneeze, probably just as hungry as he was cold and damp.

Kars' huge hands balled into fists at his sides, his jaw setting tighter and tighter as he felt himself and the walls of his determination crumbling, hating every single millisecond of it before eventually, after an internal struggle that lasted seemingly millennium... he sighed.

Peanut was scooped into his arms and, this time, taken into the House.

☆☆☆

"Really?!" You cried in disbelief, hands going to your mouth as it pulled into an impossibly huge grin.

Esidisi, Wamuu and Santana just sat there, expressions ranging from shock to disbelief of their own.

Surely he couldn't be serious... could he?

Kars let out a long breath, "Yes, dearest." He groaned, still cradling the tiny dampened Bear in the crook of his arm as it clung to his bicep. "We can keep Peanut."

Immediately, to everyone’s amusement but Kars', you were in his lap just as quickly as the Cub had climbed into it. You didn't care one bit that he was a little damp and that some of Peanuts musky stink had rubbed off on him, peppering his face with thousands of kisses as you threw your arms around both the Pillarman and the Cub.

"Oh Kars! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" You squealed between your line of kisses.

Nobody had expected Kars to cave in this matter; they honestly expected this to go on and on for some time until Peanut was forced to be the one to give up on finding his way back to the house.

However, despite the fact all of them were pleased and ready to take on this idea of having an actual living Bear around, there came the next matters to attend to.

The ground rules.

"But he cannot stay inside the house." Kars said, that firm nature of his making its return. Peanut had managed to wriggle out of both of your holds and was now ambling around the Livingroom, sniffing everything and everyone in sight. Esidisi was following him around to ensure he wouldn't break anything or get himself into more trouble while Kars was feeling so generous, smiling indulgently as he scooped him up and presented him to the others.

"Ok." You hummed, that part was only to be expected.

But you wouldn't deny that somewhere in the back of your mind you had fantasized about cuddling up to a giant fuzzy Peanut in bed or on the couch.

Kars took in another deep breath and the atmosphere changed, it was as if the temperature dropped in the room. The mans eyes were serious and his features became even more stonelike than the masks he crafted as he pulled you closer to him in his lap.

"I want you to listen to me, dear one." He began, his voice was low and something akin to fridged; it only sent shivers dancing down your spine. "If Peanut grows to be an aggressive creature or too much a hassle to handle, even if he gives any of us the slightest reason to fear he would harm you in any way, shape or form... we'll have to be rid of him. Permanently."

His words hung in the air, making your stomach sink like a rock falling helplessly to the depths of the ocean. A lump was starting to balloon in your throat.

You knew very well what that meant.

The Pillarmen weren't men who took any form of pleasure out of killing Animals; Kars especially... but you knew that he would not hesitate to do so for your sake. His words spoken to you prior on the porch when you first encountered the Cub rang around quite deafeningly in your head.

"Do I make myself clear?" He asked you, his pupils burned absolute holes into your heart as he held your gaze; not unlike a strict parent after giving the scolding of a lifetime.

The best you could do was nod, praying the day you all feared would never come at all or at least not very soon; the latter was perhaps your best hope.

For now, however, you planned on celebrating the day by making a peanut butter sandwich for the newest, and perhaps hungriest, member of your little Family.

☆☆☆

Time passed, as it did for everything, and Peanut grew and grew. He grew from a small and clumsy little Bear Cub into a bigger and gangly Juvenile Bear by mid Summer.

Sometimes the Bear would disappear at night into the woods, just after supper of course, but there were also times he would just sleep close to the house; most specifically by the front porch. Peanut still followed you around outside as you did anything, always greeting you with a grunt as he flopped onto his back to reveal his belly and were always more than happy to rub it when he did.

His appetite did indeed grow and the simple peanut butter namesake was no longer truly fulfilling to him; nothing more than a sweet morsel to lick up as a treat.

Peanut had to be shown how to properly hunt for himself and that was something you and Esidisi decided to tackle together, taking him down to the river on the hottest days to teach him to to fish for himself. Those days were filled with much laughter on your part where you sat on the bank to watch the Pillarmen wading out in the raging waters with the Bear, hunched forward and making a grab for a slippery and wet flying fish with his hands as they jumped from the water to properly demonstrate.

Eventually, after much trial and error (not to mention Esidisi falling right into the river a handful of times) Peanut was able to catch all the fish he wanted to eat.

Wamuu was a big help in burning off the major energy that came with Peanut growing into an adult Bear. The Warrior often spent hours out in the yard playing with him, going so far as to push and wrestle with the creature, playing simple games like throwing a giant ball around or to even take him on a run through the woods to tire him out.

Sometimes you even tailed behind the pair on your 4 wheeler to get in on the fun and play.

Santana found himself spending his days playing with Peanut too, more often content to help you take care of the beast. You and Santana tried to bath Peanut at least once every 2 weeks to fight against his stinky Bear musk, lathering him up nicely where he sat contently in an old kiddie pool in the yard and hosing him off. Santana would spend a lot of time with Peanut as the Bear napped, scratching his back and finger combing the knots out of his fur; even plucking annoying ticks from the Bears body when he found them.

You found it quite disturbing, and more than a little gross, as to how Santana could hold the bloated insects between his fingers and pop them upon finding them. You swore you could hear the red-head chuckle lowly each time you let out a disgusted gag when he done it.

And Kars, he found himself dotting over and spoiling Peanut with affection just as much as you did.

The Pillarman would deny any claims that he snuck the Bear peanut butter sandwiches between meals or even peanut butter straight from the jar but you knew the truth. It was hard to miss as it seemed Peanut would immediately give Kars a good sniffing upon seeing him, obviously checking for any delicious treats he happened to be keeping concealed.

By late Fall, Peanut was a fully grown Adult Bear.

In fact, he had swollen to such an immense size, he was something of a rival to the Pillarmen; by that time it was something of a relief he was a gentle giant. He was still a wild Animal but he was also a loving pet to you and the 4 Pillarmen.

One day, Peanut stumbled out into the woods and didn't return. Snow came not long after and then the brutal and fridged season of Winter truly begun.

Peanut had disappeared but you knew he wasn't far in the woods, hopefully holed up in a cave and hibernating.

Winter passed slowly, more slowly than it ever had before. As December ticked away to January and eventually February, the others didn't miss how much you missed your Peanut; he was all you could talk about somedays! You weren't the only one who missed him however, not missing the wistful looks passing over the faces of the others upon seeing a segment on Black Bears airing on National Geographic or opening the fridge to find the jar of peanut butter sitting there; untouched and almost begging to be eaten.

March went bye, then April and the snow had long melted away due to the heavy rainfall but still, Peanut did not make his return.

You were seriously starting to worry by this time. What if he hadn't been hibernating all along? What if a Hunter had gotten to him? Or what if... he forgot about you?

The Pillarmen could only console you so much, trying their best not to give you false hope by saying things along the lines of "I'm sure he'll be around!" and make things worse as they really did not know of Peanut's fate either...

It was well over a year since you had first taken in the Cub and now there was no sign of him anywhere.

But just when you were starting to give up all hope of seeing your prized Bear and companion again, you opened the door one morning as you prepared to go on your morning walk to be met with shock.

You just about jumped out of your skin as an earth rattling roar hit your eardrums, sending a jolt of fear striking through your body like lightning and screaming in primal terror at the sight before you. A Black Bear that was larger than life stood on its haunches off the porch, its maw open and its breath showing like hot puffs of steam as it growled out into the cold Spring air; asserting its presence for miles.

For one terrible and too long of a moment, you thought you would be slaughtered on your own doorstep by your most favorite Animal on Earth.

Your terror was short-lived however, as the monstrous beast you feared would devour you whole suddenly flopped onto its back and turned its belly to the sky.

"PEANUT!" You cried, spreading your arms wide as you ran to flop on top of the creature; your friend and pet.

It wasn't long after when all 4 Pillarmen were standing out on the porch, your screech having been heard from inside the house.

"Look Kars!" You beamed, rubbing the gargantuan tummy with a wide grin; eliciting a content grunt from the Bear. "Peanut came back!

Kars could only smile this time and shake his head.

Peanut had come back again, without fail; just as he always done and the Pillarmen were quite happy he was here to stay...

[dillienotfound]

𝗪𝗔𝗬 𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗡.

── 𝗥𝗘𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗕𝗬 ;; @sushisoot

── 𝗘𝗗𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗕𝗬 ;; @okeanid

── 𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦 ;; angst, kind of depressing + hearing voices in your head

𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 !

𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐎𝐖 many paintings you create, no matter how many quilts you sew, or naps you take, your mind is always going to go back to him. There’s nothing you can do about it, either. It’s like he’s carved into the back of your mind, a constant reminder of who he used to be, who you used to be. 

You miss the way he used to hold you, arms wrapped around you protectively, shielding you from any harm that could ever come your way. You miss the whispers that made shivers travel up and down your spine in the best way possible. You miss the bliss that came with having the title of being his. 

But you weren’t his anymore, in fact, you hadn’t seen him since he had been put in jail, and even before then, he was already drifting away from you. As the day of his arrest came closer and closer, Dream was already slipping away from your fingertips, and you couldn’t hold on, he was fading too fast.

You were the only source of beauty in his life, the only thing holding him together and stopping him from reaching his breaking point. Eventually, he became so ruined to the point where even you weren’t enough to heal him. It all began to go downhill when he started to grow obsessed with the idea of manipulating people, it was his strongest weapon, it made him almost invincible. 

He started speaking to you less and less when this happened. 

His arms that were once always wrapped around your figure tightly so that you didn’t slip away began to be lazily draped around you, as if he didn’t care. The words he used to whisper to you about how pulchritudinous you were had simply just not been there anymore, no more whispers, just silence. 

You like to remember the night where he first held you the way you liked it. He would often pepper your face with soft kisses, and admire every single detail on you, he’d admire your smile, the way your eyes had been so striking that he got lost in them every time you turned to glance at him.

▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁

The stars were beautiful that night, they were scattered across the moon drenched sky that looked down at the two of you. You and Dream. You were in awe of it, the beautiful night sky that you spend so long admiring from down below could always manage to give you goosebumps as well as put a smile on your face. Dream felt the same way about the sky, he loved the way the stars used to somehow always align at the perfect moment, allowing him to make his own constellation. 

Though in Dream’s eyes, you were the most beautiful thing he was laying his eyes on. He couldn’t resist the urge to hold you close to him and never let go, he couldn’t keep his mind away from the temptation of laying his lips on your soft ones. He wanted to stay like this forever. 

But good things never last. 

“You look so beautiful,” Dream whispered into your ear, like usual, sending the regular chills down your spine you always had whenever Dream even glanced at you. You looked up from the ground to see his emerald coloured eyes still trained on you, a small smirk playing on his lips. 

He’s about enough to make anyone go crazy, especially you. 

And when you gave him that smile, the smile that drove him crazy and filled his stomach with butterflies, he realized that you were his constellation. He said nothing for a bit and instead wrapped his arms around you once again, making you flush a shade of scarlet. Even though Dream couldn’t see you because it was dark, he knew the blush was there on your face, he could sense it. 

He held you so close to the point where you could feel his heartbeat, his hands found their way to yours, and his fingers between through yours. Your heartbeat began to beat faster as he let go of one of your hands, bringing it to your face and tilting your head upwards just a little bit so that you were forced to meet his eyes directly. 

It felt like a dream, a beautiful and blissful dream you wished would last forever, but it wasn’t a dream. 

“Here’s a question, (Y/N),” Dream spoke, voice a little deeper than normal, “Hypothetically, sort of, what would you do if I possibly kissed you right about now?” He asked while quirking an eyebrow, your eyes widened as he waited for your response, a hint of playfulness evident in his expression. 

“Well,” You let out, “I would, uh, yes,” Was all you could reply with along with a nervous chuckle afterwards. Dream grinned a little bit, beginning to inch closer towards your face. He did so until a small gap was left between your lips and his, and he let out a small breath and ran his tongue over his lips slowly. 

“Lucky me,” Was all you heard him say before his mouth crashed onto yours, and an explosion of bliss and ecstasy erupted between the two of you as his arms traveled from around your waist to around your neck. Even though you had sort of expected this, that didn’t stop you from freezing slightly, though you melted into his embrace again slightly after. 

You used to adore this, you once loved all of it, you used to love the feeling of him running his hands through your thick hair and the feeling of his lips on yours.

Key words, “Once,” and “Used to.”  

When you discovered he had ruined the lives of so many people, you felt you wanted nothing to do with him anymore. You weren’t able to believe it, you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that your lover was responsible for someone’s misery. 

It’s not that you were still in love with Dream the way you used to be, there were still emotions attached to him and your relationship, but you hated him. 

You hate him but you miss him. 

Well, you miss the old him. 

His words to you were lies, all lies. He didn’t mean a single thing. He doesn’t love you, if he loved you he would’ve cared, if he loved you he wouldn’t have ruined your future together. 

But his words still rang through your ears everyday.

“I love you.” “My constellation.” “My darling.” “The light of my life.” “My angel.” “I won’t leave you.” 

“I’m here, darling.” “If I could relive one moment it would be seeing your face for the first time so I can try and find the words to describe my emotions when laying my eyes on you.” 

“Fucking liar,” you told yourself, vision blurry with tears while you found yourself thinking about him once again. 

You tried not to think about him but every single day you could hear his voice in your head, trying to convince you that he still loves you, but he wasn’t real. You knew the Dream you once loved and cared for was long gone, and the only version left of Dream was the manipulative one who you wanted to tear apart. 

“I love you.” “Fuck you.” “I never stopped, (Y/N).” “You liar.” “I miss you.” 

“I hate you.”

“I need you.” 

“But if I hate you...”

“I can be better.”

“Why do I find my thoughts constantly leading back to you?”

“I’m sorry.” 

You let out a shaky breath and leaned against the solid wall digging into your spine and began to slowly slide down against it to the point where you were sitting on the floor, hugging your knees against your chest. 

You wanted to stop being in a constant loop of emotions. Everyday felt the same, wake up, brush your teeth, and think about him. Dream, Dream, Dream. You wished he stopped occupying your mind every minute of every day, and you tried not to cry when you thought about him but you couldn’t help it. 

“I wish we didn’t grow older,” you told yourself as your voice cracked slightly, wiping away tears with your palms. “Couldn’t we just have stayed way back then?” 

And like always, everyday, you started to break even more.  

[capseycartwright]

“All I wanted was for you to be happy.”

:)

i had to jump on the eddie getting shot spec train for this one, no regrets 

more readable on ao3 here

send me a prompt from this list 

Eddie is pretty sure he’s dead. Which, in the grand scheme of how he’d hoped to spend his Tuesday, wasn’t all that great - he’d had his fingers crossed for surviving his shift, going home to his son, and probably watching that ridiculous Trolls film both Christopher and Buck were obsessed with - but instead he’s dead.

He has to be dead, because that is the only explanation for the fact that Shannon, his extremely dead wife, was standing in front of him.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” Shannon said, her tone accusatory. She was wearing a beautiful yellow dress - one Eddie had bought her actually, at an over-priced boutique in Miami on their first ever holiday together. 

“I hadn’t exactly planned on dying today, Shannon!” Eddie tried to defend himself.

“You’re not dead,” Shannon reassured, looking as though she was aching to touch him. “You might be soon, though.”

Eddie swallowed back his own tears. He - he’d thought about how he might die. Of course he had - during long, lonely nights on deployment, Eddie had wondered if that was how he was going to go - in the sweltering heat of the desert, gun on his hip and the weight of what he’d done in the name of supporting his family pinning him to the sand. After he’d been discharged, and he got back to Texas, he’d been in survival mode - he’d never thought beyond getting through each and every day, one at a time. 

But - recently, he’d thought about it. Imagined growing old, and dying at eighty, or ninety years old - old enough that he got to see a career in the LAFD through, and he got to see Christopher grow up, and find his feet, and maybe get married, and have kids, if he decides he wants that. Eddie imagined how it might feel to die at the end of a long, happy life - a life well lived, not a life defined by the things he had done to try and survive.

“You’re supposed to die when you’re old and grey, Eddie,” Shannon sighed.

“So were you,” Eddie countered, wiping roughly at his tears. 

Shannon’s smile was sad. “I think that ship has sailed, Eddie.”

“You left me,” Eddie couldn’t help his anger. “You died, and you left me alone, Shannon.”

“If I’d had the choice, I wouldn’t have,” Shannon shook her head. “But Eddie - you’re not alone. Surely you can see that. So many people love you, and need you - Christopher, more than anyone. Eddie - all I wanted was for you to be happy, but we couldn’t do that for each other.” 

Eddie wanted to scream, and yell, and curse whatever God had put him in this situation - teetering on the edge of life, talking to his dead wife. He finally had the opportunity to tell her everything he wanted to - to make sure she knew how hurt and devastated he had been by her dying, but now he could, the words weren’t coming. 

“It hurts, Shannon,” Eddie whimpered, almost pitifully. “Everyday of my life. It hurts, and I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Eddie,” Shannon said, in that soft, familiar voice she used to use on Christopher. “It hurts because it mattered - it matters. But it doesn’t have to be so hard, you know - you have people to share the burden with. I wish you’d open your eyes to that.”

“This isn’t real,” Eddie shook his head, squeezing his shut tightly.

“It’s as real as you need it to be,” Shannon said. “Eddie - be happy. Please. And - really happy, okay? You don’t have to just survive, or live a life you think will make your parents happy, or Christopher happy. If you’re happy - really happy, happy for yourself - Christopher will see it and he’ll love you for it even more.”

“I don’t want to die yet, Shannon,” Eddie admitted, looking at his wife, tears pouring down his face. He wasn’t ready to go - not yet. Not like this - bleeding out in the middle of the street. He wanted to die an old man, with Christopher at his side.

With Buck at his side.

Shannon fixed him with a steely glare. “Then fight, Eddie - harder than you ever have before. You need to fight, Eddie.”

“Eddie, Eddie, come on. Eddie, open - open your eyes, please, talk to me.”

“I’m so tired Shannon,” Eddie admitted. 

“Fight, Eddie,” Shannon repeated. “For Christopher - for me. For yourself. For Buck.”

“EDDIE!”

The pain was unbearable as Eddie forced his eyes open, Shannon and wherever he had been gone - he was back, at the scene of the shooting, concrete digging into his back as Buck desperately tried to stem the bleeding. 

Eddie hadn’t needed the reminder of how it felt to get shot. He - he would never forget the searing pain of the first time he’d taken a bullet, back in Afghanistan. Somehow - somehow it was worse, this time, and Eddie figured it was because he didn’t have any bulletproof gear. He’d taken a bullet to the cheap nylon material of his firefighter uniform - no vest, no thick military issue uniform. It felt like his skin was burning, fiery pain coursing through every inch of his body. 

“B-Buck,” Eddie could taste blood, as he tried to speak - that wasn’t good. Why wasn’t there help coming? He - he must have been bleeding out for a few minutes, now, but no one was coming, no one was helping him except Buck.

Buck -

Eddie squinted at his best friend, spotting the blooming blood stain on his side. “Shooter. Still active?” he managed to choke out.

Buck nodded, pushing his hands further into the wound, ignoring Eddie’s desperate whimper of pain. “Yeah,” he admitted. “It’s still an active shooter scene.”

Eddie looked at Buck. “You - moved?” he tried, a coughing fit making him groan in pain. He knew he was crying - he could feel the tears rolling down the sides of his cheeks, dripping onto the rough gravel underneath his head. 

Buck nodded again.

“Idiot,” Eddie mumbled.

“Yeah, maybe,” Buck tried to joke. “But there was no way I was going to let you bleed out, Eddie - so you need to do your bit and stay with me until help gets here. Okay? Because I’ve got your back.”

“You’re - hurt,” Eddie gasped, yelping as Buck applied more pressure to the wound.

“I know, it hurts, I’m sorry,” Buck seemed genuinely sympathetic, but unrelenting in the pressure he was putting on Eddie’s side. “And mine is just a flesh wound, don’t worry.”

“Buck,” Eddie knew he was slurring his words now, his vision hazy as he tried to grip onto Buck’s wrist weakly. “Don’t wanna die.” 

“You’re not going to,” Buck’s voice was desperate, and Eddie didn’t need to be fully lucid to realise his best friend was crying too, tears pouring down his cheeks as he looked around wildly, trying to gauge how far out help was. He must have fallen, Eddie realised - his face was scraped up. “You’re going to be just fine, Eddie - okay? You’re going to be fine. And when - and when we’re both patched up, I’m going to take you to that beach bar in Malibu I was telling you about. The one with the cocktails I know you’ll pretend to hate - but you’ll love, really.”

Eddie couldn’t help himself. “Like - a date?” he managed, breathing getting harder by the minute. He must have lost a lot of blood by now - Buck’s shirt was covered in it, and Eddie felt dizzy, and light-headed. 

Buck gave a wet laugh. “Yeah, if you want,” he said. “Break up with your girlfriend first, and we’ll talk.”

Eddie felt his eyes closing. “M’okay.” 

“Eddie, Eddie, keep your eyes open, okay? Keep your eyes open for me - I need you to stay awake a little longer,” Buck begged, and pleaded, but his voice was already starting to sound muffled, and far away.

“You need to fight, Eddie.”

Eddie really didn’t want to die, this time -

He had too much left to do, still. He hadn’t realised that until the bullet had ripped through his shoulder - he wanted to take Buck on a date, and he wanted to travel, with Christopher, and he thought it might be quite nice to get a dog, one day, and Chimney was convincing him to get his paramedic certification, and there was lots of things he’d never done.

Eddie had even thought about learning to cook - taking a class, maybe. 

He wasn’t ready to go, yet. 

He vaguely registered the sound of sirens and yelling but he was too out of it to know if it was real, or not - but Shannon felt real, her yellow dress stark against the white walls of wherever he was (hospital, maybe? Or heaven, he wasn’t sure.)

“You did good, Eddie,” she said, voice soft. “Be happy. Okay?”

Eddie felt a hand squeeze his - a hand he knew well enough to know it belonged to Buck, the only hands he knew that could dwarf his own, warm and familiar and grounding, holding tightly to Eddie - as though he was about to float away.

No - he wouldn’t do that.

Eddie had a few things to do first. “I’m okay,” he managed, his voice sounding like gravel, harsh and scratchy against his dry throat. “Buck. Ev. ‘M fine.” 

“I know,” Buck’s voice sounded wet with tears. “Sleep, Eddie. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Sleep. That sounded nice.

Eddie feebly tried to squeeze Buck’s hand in response. “Okay.”

[hollanderfangirl]

Let me go |Harry Holland|

Pairing: Harry Holland x Therapist! Reader

A/N: so I'm not a therapist and I've never been to therapy, well if you don't consider the sessions with my psychology teacher. All of what I've written comes from what I've learnt in psychology class, reading books and listening to other people's experiences.

Warnings: talk about death, panic attack and it's just really sad

Word count: 3.3k, this is my longest fic yet :)

(Sorry for the shitty moodboard I just had to post this fic or I would have lost my mind)

Harry Holland walked through the halls of the clinic, not really sure why he was here. Well he knew why he had come to see a therapist but he wondered how he put himself in this situation. He had been locking himself inside a glass cave built out of hopelessness for months, his friends and family were greatly concerned about him but he refused to take any help. He had always been stubborn, he never asked for anybody's help. He hated the look of pity on people's faces. He hated people showing him sympathy. He was more than this. He didn't need anybody. He can pull himself together, he just needed time.

But it wasn't helping. Burying your feelings in has never helped anybody. Putting on a smile everyday in front of people and crying himself to sleep, Harry found it more and more difficult. His mum had sensed it and told him to go and see a doctor. He had resisted it at first. 

"Please do it for me, Harry. I cannot see you like this, at least for my satisfaction," Nikki had said. "Just go for a trial session and if you like it then you can continue," but of course he wasn't going to continue. 

Now as he stood in front of the receptionist, he was reconsidering his decision. 

"Yes, do you have an appointment, sir?" 

"Huh?" he seemed lost. "Yeah..yeah" 

"Just wait here, I'll inform Dr Y/l/n" 

"Your know what, cancel the appointment. I- I don't need help" 

"Oh but this is just a trial, Mr Holland" 

"Yeah but I don't-" the receptionist was already at the door, muttering something to the woman inside. 

You step outside to see a curly headed man, he looked pleasant but his eyes looked sad. Those were the eyes of a person who had seen immense grief, someone who had been miserable for a long long time. 

"I'm sorry but I don't need therapy… I didn't realise this before, I -I shouldn't have come here" 

"Oh Mr Holland, this is just a trial right? Let's just have some coffee. This isn't therapy yet" you smile at him. 

"No I really-" 

"Okay then, give me half an hour. If you still feel the same way, then you can leave. Half an hour is all I want from you, Mr Holland" 

"Alright" 

You lead him into your chamber, closing the door behind you. He sits down on a couch across from you, your desk separating you both. The first step of therapy- resistance. People always resist therapy at first, they feel like they don't need the help or maybe seeking help makes them weak. They don't feel like opening up to a complete stranger. How can they? How can they open up their most vulnerable state to a person who they barely know? But slowly and steadily, a rapport is made. A therapist has to be very careful and empathetic. They have to be trusting. Someone who people can turn to. Someone who they can relate to. Someone who understands them. Someone who would just listen. 

"So, your mother sent you here. Right, Mr Holland?" 

"Just- just call me Harry" 

"Okay then Harry, tell me" 

"What do you want me to tell you?" 

"Everything. Start from the beginning" 

"Well I- do you… do you really think I would-" he hesitates. "Who do you think you are? Why do you think I should pay you to listen to my goddamn life story here?" 

"You're not here to tell me your life story," you say politely. "I'm here to help you and I can do that only if you would let me" 

"Well guess what? You cannot help me, I knew I was wasting my time," he gets up and starts to walk away. 

"I asked for half an hour of your time, Harry" 

"Well I don't fucking care" 

"Harry, please listen to me. All I ask is half an hour" 

Little did he know, this half an hour was going to change his life. 

Something about your tone made him stay. He sat back down on the couch, turning away from you. 

"Okay, so if you're not going to talk, I will," you sigh. "So, you have suffered a great loss, someone you loved dearly?" 

"Yes," he still didn't look you in the eye. 

"Who was it?" 

"My…my friend. Girlfriend" 

"And when did this happen?" 

"A year ago" 

"How have you been holding up?" 

He thought of giving another vague answer. How the fuck do you think I'm holding up? I'm fucking dying every single day. 

"Uh- it's been a little better, I guess. It's not as bad as it used to be" 

"Well that's a start. And do you still think about her?" 

Every goddamn minute, lady. What do you want from me? "Yeah sometimes" 

"And how have you been sleeping?" 

I can't sleep. I haven't slept properly for months. If I sleep I see her coming back to me. "Alright I guess" 

This wasn't going anywhere. You thought of recommending him another doctor but something about him charmed you. He was a man who should have been living a great life but his grief was tearing him apart. You had to help him. You felt a strong connection to him, you felt determined. No, I have to help him. I just have to.

"Harry, do you feel like you're responsible for your girlfriend's death?" it was a straightforward question, you had been trying to get something out of him but he wasn't ready to. 

He looked at you dead in the eye, yet could not get any words out. You could sense the anger building up inside him but it wasn't projected at you, he was angry with himself. 

"I….. " he took a few deep breaths, clenching his hands into fists. "Yes" 

"Why is that so?" 

"Fucking hell! Are you for real? She died, okay? And I wasn't there… I wasn't there.. " he was tearing up. "I should have been the one to die! Not her! Not anybody! Everyone just leaves me in the end!" he was full on shouting, letting out everything he had been holding inside himself for a whole year. He had tears in his eyes.

You handed him a box of tissues and he was gasping for breath. When he had calmed down, you both sat in silence for a few minutes. 

"You know, Harry, my friend died the day we had a fight. She was my best friend. I knew her ever since we were three. It was a silly argument. We should not have fought about it. But we did and I told her I wished she would just go away… and then she did" it was painful for you to remember this, but time does heal everything. 

"I'm sorry," his voice was low. "And I'm sorry for all those things I said" 

"No it's alright, that's what you're here for. And besides, it's nothing compared to your loss, Harry" 

"No. It- it's not a competition. Suffering is not a competition. It must've been really hard for you, Dr y/l/n," this was the first time he had addressed you. 

"Call me y/n," you smile at him. "And yeah that's very true. We often blame ourselves, you know, it's very common. We cannot be angry at them so we get angry with ourselves. Even though we know deep in our hearts that there was nothing we could have done" 

There was a long silence. 

"She went out for a drive, that bastard drunk driver," he spoke up. "And I was just resting. She asked me so many times to join her but I wanted to sleep" 

You nod at him and he continued. "That's…the reason I'm not able to sleep. Every night I close my eyes, I think I'll wake up to that phone call" 

"Well yes I don't blame you, our brains sometimes don't process things that come as a shock. And then it just keeps on haunting us forever. Do you believe in life after death, Harry?" 

"Well I don't know what to believe" 

"Have you- felt her? After she was gone?" 

"You'll think I'm crazy" 

"I'm a therapist, it'll take you much more than that to convince me you're crazy" 

"I sometimes talk to her. Like what would she think about this particular situation. Or just that I miss her so much. I don't get any responses but I just try to think like her?" 

"Yeah, that's quite normal actually. People think they need to 'get over' someone's death. But that's not true. You can never really get over something like death" 

"And what does getting over even mean? Like you just forget them? Moving on with your life just means that you think they were never a part of it" 

"Well you're both right and wrong. Yes we must remember our loved ones who are not with us anymore but at the same time, we have to let them go" 

"How? It's too painful" 

"I know. But do you believe in the concept of souls, Harry?" 

"Yeah I mean," he shrugs. 

"The soul is considered to be immortal. And groups of souls tend to travel together. Even if you don't know it, some way, somehow, they're always with us" 

He says nothing but his eyes looked softer now. 

"And just think about it, think of her seeing you like this. Do you think she could have handled you being so miserable?" 

"She would have been heartbroken" 

"Exactly. So do it for her, for yourself. For both of you to feel peace again" 

"Yeah" 

You look at your watch. Half an hour was up. 

"So, Harry. Your half an hour is up. Is there anything else?" 

"Yes, um we can talk about it in our next session?" 

You smile at him. "Of course" 

                          ----------------

After that one half an hour session, Harry was a changed man. He was still mourning, he was still miserable but he had hope. For the first time in a long time, he thought he could actually go on with his life, he could finally feel peace.

The week went by smoothly. Harry tried to make himself busy, by surrounding himself with people and always working. He was still getting nightmares but he was determined to sleep. He was sleeping light, afraid of what deep sleep might show him.

Meanwhile your life was exactly the same, you went on with your day treating people, talking, helping them. You loved your job, you loved the sense of satisfaction you got after patients they told you they were finally better. Every person was a challenge, and you knew there was a gem hidden inside every one of them. All of them had immense potential but life hadn't been kind to them. You felt disturbed and it broke your heart to see people hurting. And you would do anything to make it better for them. To help them.

You couldn’t keep Harry out of your mind. You were thinking about him all day long, awaiting your next session with him. What if he cancels? What can I do if he does? Why am I thinking about him? He had this air around him, a magnetic pull, which was pulling your closer and closer towards him. And why is he so damn attractive? No I should not think about him that way. It was the first and foremost rule of your profession. Never get emotionally attached with your clients. It was a professional relationship and must remain that way.

When he came into your office the following week, you could sense the change in him. You felt proud that a single session made such a difference. There was no arrogance in him, he didn’t seem angry anymore. He was calm and better.

“So, Harry. How was your week?”

“It was good, I’ve been shooting my new short film and it’s coming out to be okay so far”

“Alright and how have you been sleeping?”

“Not that good to be honest. I still get dreams, uh bad dreams”

“What do you see in these dreams?”

“I see the accident scene….again and again, it’s the same dream. Sometimes I see her, she talks to me and all that”

“Hmm and have you talked to your family? Your friends?”

“Yeah I talked to my mum…and my brother”

“What did they say?”

“They said they are here for me and will always love me”

“Yes and I don’t doubt that, Harry. You have a lot of people in your life who love and support you. Embrace that”

The session went by smoothly, he opened up to you about his life, everything about the girl he loved so much. About his family, his career. You found yourself staring at him, taking glances at his hands which he constantly moved while he talked. You noticed he was shaking his leg the whole time. Stop staring, y/n.

Wow she’s so beautiful. And thoughtful. And funny and understanding. What am I doing? She’s my therapist….but…why couldn’t I have met her before? Why didn’t I meet her when I was normal? Would things have been different? But then again, I would have never met her if I was normal.

Things seemed to get better, as the weeks progressed, Harry was becoming more and more like his old self again. But there was a feeling of regret, he thought this was wrong as if he were forgetting her. But you were there to guide him, to tell him that this is what life is. It never stops. No matter what happens, you will heal. Someday, sometime. And each day we progress towards it.

And then it happened. The call came at 1 am in the morning. You were sleeping and you were tired, you had been working all day and just needed some rest. You wouldn't have picked the call up but something told you it was important. That you should pick it up.

“Hello?” you yawn.

You just hear muffled breathing for a few seconds.

“Hello? Who is it?”

“It…it’s me…Harry”

“Harry, what’s wrong?” you thought what could have happened at this time of the night.

“I just- can you-” he sounded like he was choking.

“Harry what’s wrong, you’re scaring me”

“I… can’t… breathe,” you hear him sobbing. ”I had… that… dream, I feel like I’m…going to…die”

“Harry, listen to me. You will be okay. Yeah? Just take deep breaths and sit tight. I’m coming to you”

You search through his file to look for his address. When you find it, you rush through the front door and drive to his house. You were on the phone with him the whole drive.

“Just keep breathing, Harry. Deep breaths, okay?”

To your surprise, the front door was unlocked. It looked like he had gone out into the street in the middle of the night. You search through rooms to find him, and you see him curled into a ball at the corner of a king size bed. You touch his shoulder and he flinches.

“Hey, hey it’s just me. It’s alright”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know who else to call,” he was crying, with the tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes looked small and they looked red from the lack of sleep and of tears.

“It’s alright, Harry. Just come here, it’ll be alright,” you pull him towards yourself him and he buries his face into your chest and you held him, stroking his hair and telling him it will be alright.

“That’s it. Let it out, Harry. It’s okay to cry”

You both stayed like that for another 15 minutes. He couldn’t stop crying and you knew he needed that. He had been holding everything in for so long and it just came out like an explosion tonight. You wiped his tears and made him meditate for a few minutes.

He fell asleep and you stayed up all night, looking at him. He looked so innocent while he slept, and cute too, you thought hiding a blush, even though nobody was there to look at you.

That night, Harry finally felt at peace. He was finally able to sleep. He had no nightmares, just a peaceful dream. He saw his girlfriend, running away from him in a white dress with her hair flowing in the wind.

Please don’t leave me, darling. I love you.

I know you do Harry, but you must let me go. I will always be with you. I will always love you. It is time you start caring about yourself, you must let me go. It is time.

No! don’t leave me!

And he woke up. Something about this dream told him that she was right. It was time. He was finally ready to let her go. For both of their sakes.

He went down to find you sleeping on the couch. He was hesitant at his thoughts but deep down he knew he was falling for you. Am I just using her to cope with my loss? Or do I really love her?

You opened your eyes, looking at Harry sitting on the ground, pushing a strand of hair away from your face.

“Good morning, how did you sleep?”

“Better. Really really better. I- I don’t know how to thank you, y/n and I’m so sorry”

“Hey it’s alright, and I’m glad I could help,” you smile. “I should go now, I have to get to work”

“Let me make breakfast and let me drive you to your house”

“Oh no it’s okay I can-”

“I owe this much to you, y/n. Let me”

“Okay”

                              -----------------

It wasn’t until another week when Harry had his next session. You had been thinking about him all the time, you were confused, it wasn’t supposed to go this way. But he….who am I kidding I’m in love with him.

When he walked through the door on a Thursday morning next week, he looked healthy and happier than ever. You felt a sense of happiness yourself, therapy is always beneficial to both the patient and the therapist. Every person is a deep universe, their thoughts, experiences, pain, joy, everything. Empathising with clients is a great learning experience, it becomes a part your personality. It becomes a part of you.

“Hey y/n”

“Hi Harry”

“So my week as been as it’s always and I’ve been feeling a lot better ever since that day…and that dream” he had told you about the dream he had the night you watched him sleep. He seemed to completely change after that, he let go of the intense emotions he had been carrying around.

“That’s very good and you’ve made a lot of progress since our first meeting”

“Yeah…I have”

The session went on as usual, he talked about everything that happened, he started fighting with his brothers again, which he hadn’t done in a long time and even though they were pissed off at him, they were happy to have him back.

“Um Harry,” you say at the end of the session. “I think-” you try to choose your words correctly. “I think it’s about time you start seeing another therapist, yeah?”

You see his face drop. “wh-why? I’m doing so much better, is..is it because of that night? I’m so sorry y/n”

“No it’s not that. You and I both know what’s happening between us, it’s wrong for a therapist to get emotionally attached with her patient. I’m sorry, Harry”

“So you’re saying that you’re becoming emotionally attached with me?”

“I..I’m-“

“It’s alright. I understand y/n”

“Yes, thank you. This has been great”

“So… now that you’re not my therapist, can I meet you for coffee this evening?”

“Harry-“

“Half an hour, Dr y/l/n. Just give me half an hour of your time, if you still feel the same way, I’ll never bother you again”

“Uh-" you hesitate. You knew you should have said no. You were going to say no. Yet the words which came out of your mouth were “Okay then, it’s a date”

--------------

Taglist:

@mischiefmanaged011 @notsosmexy @perspectiveparker @justanothermarvelmaniac @amorhollands @thisetaernallove @halfblood-princess-505 @spidey-reids-2003 @peterspideysstuff @musicalkeys @theliterarymess @ilarbu @hollands-weasley @tombob2005 @tommysparker @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @parkerpeter24 @more-like-reyna @hollandbroz-n-haz @aqiise

[xlovelybeanx]

✭ This show has completely wrecked my mental game up - so you know what I have to say to that?

...

✭Let’s write cute fan fiction about it in hopes that it’ll cure the sadness right out! (I doubt it..I have been crying over it for the past few months.)

✭Spoilers ahead! If you have not seen past episode 9, please do not read. If you still wanna read, that’s completely fine <3!

✭Also this is my first time writing something like this! I hope you guys like it.

——————————————————————————

Title: “Smile, my sunshine.”

Ship: AshEiji

Summary: Ash’s mind had been torn apart from that night - the night where he had to do such a disgraceful thing to his best friend - and has been restless ever since. Luckily, Eiji knows the right way to keep him happy.

WARNING: This is a tickle fic! There are mentions of death, and grief. Please be mindful when reading! Also, art doesn’t belong to me. (I wish I could draw like that.)

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“Oi, Ash.”

Eiji pounded on his door once more, his tone growing frustrated with every time he had to come back and pound on this stupid door. The frown on his face was clear to see from miles away and his eyes were narrowed so low that he was afraid that he might end up breaking the door with how intense he was staring at it.

There would be no need for him to feel this way if somebody - Ash Lynx - would actually get up and go on with his day. Of course, if Eiji was in that situation, he wouldn’t want to get out of bed either - but Ash couldn’t act like the world was ending. He had to live on because life was ... just worth living.

And because somebody made breakfast, Eiji thought angrily to himself before grabbing the knob and twisting it harshly. Walking into the younger male’s room, everything looked ... almost perfect. Bed was made, curtains were semi-open, and the rest of his stuff was laying in a neat pile - just the way Eiji liked it.

But that lead the question - where was Ash?

Eiji almost went to call out his name, but stopped as he heard the soft trickle of water coming from the shower. Slowly making his way to the sound, he opened the door to find a sleep deprived child sitting in the tub with only his black underwear on. ... the elder’s eyes almost filled with pity. Walking over, the black haired boy tried to figure out what’s going on.

“Ash, talk to me.. did you get any sleep last night?” he asked, petting the top of his head softly. The blonde shook his head, a blank stare still stuck on his face.

“I couldn’t,” he admitted, wiping his eyes with a force that was even surprising to him. “...I c-couldn’t.. think about anything but him, Eiji...” the younger broke down in sobs, covering his face with his hands, feeling the soft patter of water on the back of his hands. It somehow seemed to comfort him, if only a little.

It would make sense that he didn’t get over Shorter’s death that quickly. But to think, for a guy to be almost broken over something he watches everyday - it tugged at the black haired boy’s heartstrings in a way that nothing has ever done before.

“...you should’ve just talked to me,” Eiji mumbled into his ear, closing his eyes as he rested his head on his shoulder. “I’m here for that reason, you know.” Ash looked up, his jade green eyes filled with an indescribable pain.

“I know..” he said, wiping the last of his tears on his wrist. The other nudged Ash’s arm and pointed toward the door. “...why don’t we cuddle so you can fall asleep?” He immediately shook his head. He looked as if he was going to die if he fell asleep - hence him sitting in the tub and hoping that it kept him awake.

“I’m not leaving you in the tub.” He crossed his arms, standing back up. The other leaned against the wall, blinking a couple of times to force himself to stay awake. Ash immediately looked up at him - there was a bright aura coming from him, as if he was the embodiment of sunshine itself. The other exhaled quickly, standing up with shaky legs. “..woah! Woah, careful now,” Eiji said, grabbing on to Ash’s arms when it seemed like he was going to fall.

“...I’m okay,” he said as he wrapped an arm around him. “Sit down,” Eiji ordered him as he sat on a seat they keep in their room. The younger obliged, reluctantly, watching as he got a towel from the bathroom and started drying his hair.

“...you’re depressed about ..it, aren’t you?”

The question caught Ash by surprise.

“...of course I am. .. he’s always been my best friend - I don’t think I’d be who I am without him. ...but when I saw you getting attacked by him, I knew I couldn’t just.. sit there and do nothing. I-It was so hard to pull the trigger. ..I almost couldn’t do it..” before he had realized it, the gang leader had been throwing out his feelings to the boy who stuck by him the entire time. “...I know I didn’t know Shorter that well,” Eiji started, finishing with his hair and moving down to his body. “...but I could tell how much he meant to you. Probably much more than me,” he said jokingly, hoping to brighten the mood. The blonde’s expression hadn’t changed from the sad frown he had on since he shot Shorter.

... what could I do to make him laugh, Eiji thought as he continued drying. Then he hit across something - something spectacular - and if it was true, well, maybe he would be able to get Ash out of this depressive situation that held him hostage.

“Ash~?”

“Eiji,” he mumbled, trying to be snarky and failing.

“Can I do something?”

“...sure, go ahead,” the blonde yawned as he stretched upwards, his whole body arching into the best stretch he’s ever had. This is when he took the time to seize his opportunity.

Eiji’s fingers travelled directly to his ribs, soft and delicate not to hurt him but to drive him wild with laughter instead. The reaction was instantaneous; Ash let out an unmanly squeak while one arm shot down to protect himself, the other to cover his mouth.

“...ohohokay, mind explaining that noise, Ash?” Eiji couldn’t keep himself from laughing like an idiot - the gang leader’s face was entirely red and he shook it, unable to say anything at the moment.

“Playing the strong, silent type, eh? Lucky for you, I win tickle fights with my sister all the time so I’m prepared. But the real question is, are you?” From Ash being so weak from not sleeping all night, he was actually quite surprised when the elder picked him up to the best of his ability and threw him on the bed, sitting on his waist with a snarky grin on his face.

“Ash, say, do you think you can smile? Just for me?”

“...please don’t,” Ash mumbled, his eyes closed and his whole face bright red - he didn’t want to know what came next.

“Don’t what?”

“Tickle me!”

Eiji’s grin only widened as the boy fell right into his trap. This is exactly where he wanted him to be - and he was playing right into it, too.

“Tickle you? Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

And so 10 fingers descended on the blonde’s poor ribs, ever so gently scraping across each and every singular rib.

“..h-hey! Waihihihit-! Stahahahap that-! N-No!” Hysterical giggles poured out of the blonde’s mouth. Eiji was so surprised by his squeaky laughter that he almost just stopped tickling him to begin with - ...he found it honestly quite cute. The way his head was thrown back, the bright red blush on his face.. it was so cute.

“...oh? What’s wrong? Does it tickle? How badly? On a scale from 1-10?” The teasing tone dripped with every word he said, and it didn’t stop there. “..broken already? My little sister can handle more than you. Beaten by a girl? Seriously? That’s pretty frustrating isn’t it?”

And it made it 100 times worse.

“CUHUHUT IHIHIHIT OHOHOUT! EIHIHIJI! F-FUHUHUCK! STAHAHAP!” The blonde was now squirming profusely, shutting his eyes tightly as tears pricked on the corners. Oh god, what had he found himself into it? Him? Tickled to death by the weakest, most kind, most gullible person he knows? That’s just unfair at that point.

“..hmm, I wonder what happens here.” Eiji quickly stuck his hands underneath of his arms, expecting a small reaction. The reaction he got was anything but small.

Ash shrieked, his hands collapsing on his most sensitive spot and trapping his friend’s hands there. Eiji’s eyes widened in surprise, smirking along with his friend who was basically getting tortured in front of him. “Ah, Ash, ...I can’t do anything when you trap my hands like that, you know. You have to get them out.” He said, wiggling his fingers faster.

“YOHOHOHOHO BIHIHIHITCH! FUHUHUHUHUHUCK!! STAHAHAHAHAHAP!! PLEHEHEHEHEHEASE!”

“...hmm, let’s see, are you happy yet?”

“YEHEHEHEHES! FOHOHOR GOHOHOHODS SAHAHAHAKE, YEHEHES!”

“... and are you gonna come straight to bed so you get enough sleep?”

“I CAHAHAHANT- I HAHAHAHAVE A JOHOHOHOB!”

Eiji dug his fingers into his friend’s underarms, furrowing his eyebrows. Ash jerked, throwing his head back once more as his whole body shook with ticklish agony.

“I said... ‘are you gonna come straight to bed so you can get enough sleep?’”

“FIHIHIHIHINE! WHAHAHAHATEHEHVER! NOHOHOW PLEHEHEHEASE STOHOHOHOP!”

And just like he said, the other stopped with no hesitation, leaving a bright red teary-eyed man laying there, gasping for breath. “...w-whahat.. the hell, Eiji..” he mumbled, covering his face.

“Your laugh is quite cute,” Eiji said softly into his ear. “...Don’t expect me to forget about this~!” The other laid down on the bed, pulling the blonde to his chest as he pet the back of his head, watching him melt into his touches as if he were some sort of animal.

“..can I ask you a selfish favor, Eiji?” Ash whispered, burying his face within his chest. The other nodded, smiling softly.

“...stay.. by my side. Please.”

“You don’t have to worry- even if the world turns it’s back on you, I’ll stay by your side. Forever.” Ash slowly closed his eyes, drifting into a peaceful sleep as he felt satisfied with the answer he got. Eiji leaned down and gave him a kiss on his forehead - something he’ll forget when he wakes up but something Eiji will treasure forever.

“.... always smile, my sunshine.”

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Hope you enjoyed this! I’ll be doing more in the future when I get more confident. .. thank you for reading! <3.

[acdeaky]

are you ready for love?

warning: fluff, alcohol consumption, strong language, slight angst?

note: congrats on 4k followers @writingfortoomanyfandoms​​ ! i began writing this and then fell out of love with it, but i (finally) figured out the ending and fell back in love! enjoy!

word count: 4.5k

black lives matter

“what I'm saying is - and this is not a come on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way!” dan spoke, a little too loudly for the restaurant the group was in, trying to voice his (very out-of-date) opinion above the rest of the group. he was met with a lot of voices arguing he was wrong, and a fry from shane’s plate. “what?” he practically whined. 

“just because you want to shag any girl you're friends with, and who doesn't have a boyfriend, doesn't mean that every guy is the same!” harry perked up, practically punching dan in the arm after his comment. 

“it so means every guy is the same,” dan argued, looking over at you. “you and ben are only close because he wants to get in your pants.”

“why did we let him join?” you asked everyone else, basically pretending that dan wasn't sat a few seats away from you. 

“because he's my brother and has no other friends.” erin replied from next to you, a hand resting on your thigh which was pressed against her’s.

“that is not true.”

“oh, dan, sweetie, it is.” erin just smiled sarcastically at her brother, her eyes showing faux sympathy. 

“you all know i’m right, but you don't want to say it,” another chorus of disagreement came from the group, as did another fry from shane’s plate. “mate, would you stop that?” shane just shook his head, wrapping his arm around the back of renee’s chair and lightly brushed his fingers against your shoulder. next to ben, you were definitely closest to shane with him being like a big brother to you. 

somehow, the rest of the meal went without a hitch. dan quieted down with the unpopular opinions and everyone else enjoyed each other’s company as they finished their meals and had a few drinks afterwards. shane and renee were the first ones to leave. both of them had had long days at work, but made it out for the meal, and were now more than ready to collapse into their bed. harry and erin were next. as they paid their part and begun to leave, they dragged dan out with them, keeping him from saying something inappropriate to you and/or lucy. 

after those three left, you and lucy stayed a little longer. it had been a while since the two of you had hung out together alone, and a catchup with definitely needed. 

“so what’s the real reason ben didn’t come tonight? he's definitely not ill else you would be there nursing him back to health.” she teased, giving you a light prod to your side. 

“he didn't want to have to deal with comments from dan,” you stated plainly. “and i’m glad ben didn’t come else he would have had to deal with exactly what he didn't want to deal with.”

“yeh, that's fair. maybe we should stop inviting dan to these things.”

“maybe,” you both giggled, thinking of how much more civilised somethings would be without him. “that's too mean, though. erin would not be happy.” 

“she most definitely wouldn't be, but dan’s a dickhead.”

“oh, yeh.” the two of you sat gigging for a little longer, the few drinks the both of you had had making their way completely into your system. after chatting for a little longer (and realising you should both definitely go home), you paid the rest of the bill and left, still chatting as you got into your car, travelling back to your same apartment building.

the ride home wasn't long. luckily, the group had mutually decided on a restaurant that was close to both of your apartments, meaning it only took about ten minutes to get home. the traffic was light and it seemed that every light turned green just in time for you. sooner than you knew, you were heading out of the garage of the apartment building, heading towards the lift and pressing the ninth floor button for lucy and the tenth floor button for you. as you reached her floor, you shared a slightly emotional goodbye with each other. it took exactly 23 seconds to get from the lift to your apartment (you had counted many times) and as you swung the door open, there was ben, sat idly on your sofa with his feet up and netflix playing on the TV. 

“hello, wanderer.” he teased as he heard you pull off your shoes and collapse onto the sofa next to him. “did you have fun? was dan a dick?”

“when is dan not a dick?” you only replied, pulling your knees closer to your chest as you turned your body into ben’s. one of his hands lifted off of his thigh for you to do so, landing back down on your knee. 

“that's true. what did he say this time?”

“that men and women can't be friends because the sex part gets in the way.”

“well that's not true, look at us!” ben said, his eyes quickly flitting to you and then straight back to the TV. 

“yeh, look at us.” 

“you are woman, i am man. we no sex.” he spoke in a deeper voice, making you giggle at his ridiculous impression of a caveman. 

“i’m just glad you weren't there; another comment from him would have sent your fist through his face.” 

“oh, yeh. but erin would not have been happy.”

“she most definitely wouldn't be.” you giggled again, thinking back to the conversation you had had with lucy. “i’m actually so tired, i think i’m just calling it a night. you stay as long as you like” as you got up, you pointed to ben, giving him a look which said ‘keep it down’ which he replied with a salute. you gave the other a quiet ‘night’ before placing a kiss on his cheek and dragging your feet to your bedroom. 

as you got ready for bed, you couldnt help but think back to what dan had said. if you told erin and lucy (or even ben) that you were contemplating his words, they would have told you to stop and say that ‘dan was just being dan. he didn't mean it’. you just couldn’t help thinking about whether it was true. of course, you were close to shane and harry, but they both had girlfriends, they definitely wouldn't want anything to do with what’s in your pants. but you were also close to ben, and he didn't have a girlfriend. the only explanation for you two being close was that he wanted what was in your pants, not in your head nor your heart. 

it pained you to think of that; ben being here only to try it on. of course, ben was attractive and had sex appeal, but he was also your best friend and you weren't about to jump in to bed with him at the first chance. you have never, and will never, go about relationships like that. to you, it was unbelievable how much you let dan’s comment cloud your mind, yet you almost hoped there was some truth to it. 

only a wall away, ben was sat thinking the exact same thing. the show he was binging was still playing in the background, but in the forefront of his mind was dan’s comment. ben knew men and women could be friends without sex getting involved; he had those relationships with all the girls in the group, except her. although he wouldn't openly admit it to anyone, he had developed feelings, but didn't want to ruin what the two had by trying it on with her. so ben sat back and tried to let his feelings settle. that instantly failed when he continued to hang out with her almost everyday and talk to her everyday. it didn't take him long to realise he was in love. 

ben didn't stay for much longer; his eyes were being to strain to properly see the TV and dan's comment was still lingering in his thoughts. he quietly turned off the TV and left the room, practically tiptoeing past your room as he entered the guest room (which was almost his considering how often he slept in it). all he did was slip out of his jeans, jumper and socks, leaving on his boxers and slid into bed. just like you, it didn't take him long to fall asleep, soon drifting off nestled within the comfy sheets and only imagining what it would be like to hold you in his arms. 

in the morning, ben woke up before you (like usual) and set himself the task of making breakfast. he knew you'd be hungry this morning and, as soon as he got out of bed and put on a pair of shorts, he made his way into the kitchen and began making his famous pancakes. it didn't take long for you to wake up nor did it take long for you to smell the pancakes. 

“morning, chef.” you smiled lazily as you walked into the kitchen. 

“morning to you, too.” like usual in a morning, ben was clad in some shorts and a plain t-shirt as he stood in front of the hob. the teapot had already been filled and there was a half empty cup stood on the side next to the hob. “sleep well?”

“yeh, i guess.” ‘don't tell him’ you thought to yourself. “i just couldn't stop thinking about dan's comment last night.” 

“love, i've told you before to take no notice of him-”

“no, ben, he said something else last night. not just the men and women and sex thing.”

“well, what else did he say?” he asked, less annoyed this time, switching off the ring and giving you his full attention.

“he said that you and i are only close because you want to get into my pants.” although he asked you to tell him (and you would have told him anyway), you couldn’t help but feel ashamed at telling ben. you knew he would be mad that you let something dan said cloud your judgement about him, but you also knew that he would deny it. you wished he wouldn’t.

“you know that’s not true, right?” there it was. “you know i would never do that to you, or anyone for that matter. don’t let him get into your head; he’s a dick.”

“yeh, course.” you mumbled as ben turned back to the pan, flipping out the pancake onto a plate. as both of you ate, you sat talking about anything and everything. you were content just being here with ben, and yet you still couldn’t get those thoughts out of your head.

to ben, all you would be is his best friend; he made that perfectly clear last night and this morning. to you, your feelings would always be there, making it unfair on anyone else you dated. your heart was wrapped around ben indefinitely.

after breakfast was finished and the kitchen was tidy, you said your goodbyes to ben (even though you don’t normally kick him out this early), making up a lie about finishing off some things for work. what you really wanted to do was talk to erin and lucy; you needed to empty your head to someone.

“hey, you guys are okay to chat, right?” you asked as soon as the facetime connected to the both of them.

“yeh, of course!” “i’ve got my wine, i’m ready.” they both replied, supportive smiles already on their faces.

“okay, i’m sorry i’m bringing this up again, but i’m still thinking about dan’s comment last night.”

“which one?” erin giggled, taking a sip of her wine.

“the one about ben only being close to me because he wants to get in my pants.”

“that’s not true.”

“it’s true.”

“what?” you and erin asked lucy, who sat with a slight smirk on her face.

“ben does want to get into your pants, but not as a one time fling or being friends with benefits, he really likes you.”

“he does?”

“yeh,” both you and erin looked at each other, pure shock coming over your face and slight shock on erin’s. “he got drunk with the lads one night and came to my place instead of yours-”

“makes sense,” erin perked up, taking another sip of her wine. “your apartment is literally a floor below Y/N’s.”

“exactly; he miscounted the floor numbers and came to my door. he kept on apologising so i let him in and he just ranted about dan saying stupid things again about the two of you. then he spilt his feelings and almost broke down asking me not to say anything. i told him he should go to your place and tell you himself. he said he would and i assumed he did, but obviously-”

“he didn’t. that night he came up to my apartment and basically passed out on the sofa. i pulled his shoes off and left him a glass of water and some painkillers for the morning. that was it; he didn't really say anything at all until the next morning.” you frowned, thinking at how literally minutes before ben stumbled into your apartment, he'd stumbled out of lucy’s. 

“wow, well i knew benny boy had feelings, but i didn’t know he did that.” erin said, turning and making sure harry hadn't heard any of that conversation. 

“no one knew, i kept ben’s drunk escapade a secret. he couldn’t even remember it happening.” after that, all three of you were slightly stunned into silence. it was a minute before anyone spoke. 

“what are you gonna do?” erin’s voice was small, something that isn't normal for her. her wine glass had been discarded (though half empty) and she and lucy were both looking at you. you knew your face hadn't change. even without looking at your screen, you knew the only look on your face was disbelief. 

“i-i don't know.”

“surely you're gonna do something?” lucy gasped. 

“and say what to him? ‘hey, ben. i've just been chatting to our good friend lucy and it turns out you drunkenly told her about your feelings for me’. i’m not good with confrontation!”

“and that's why you two will never be together!” erin chuckled, shaking her head at you. 

“what do you mean?

“i mean, you're scared of confrontation and ben will never admit his feelings for you because he's scared you’ll reject him.”

“but i wouldn’t-”

“he doesn’t know that.” she was right. ben doesn’t know what you're thinking, and you don't know what he's thinking. right now, the only way to get over the situation is if you say something. yet, you couldn't help but think that ben’s drunken confession was just that: drunken and stupid.

“i need some time to think, girls.”

“okay.” 

“just keep us in the loop, yeh?” lucy asked, pity absolutely drowning her face. 

“will do, bye.” you waved as did lucy and erin, saying their own goodbyes before you ended the call. 

this had changed everything. of course it had. you definitely didn't feel the same way you did before the call, and you definitely didn't feel the same way about ben as you did before the call. you couldn’t help but think if this had changed things, if this had given you the confidence to finally tell ben about how you feel. 

it was something to sleep on, something to cloud your thoughts for another night. 

but you didn’t get the chance to do that. before you had even managed to settle down for the night, there was a loud, and brash, knock at your door. the thought of ignoring them crossed your mind, hoping it would be a drunken fool who had stumbled across the wrong apartment.

yet, no matter how long you stayed laying on your back, staring at the blank canvas of your ceiling, the knocking did not cease. with a grumble, you made your way through your apartment and towards the front door, not bothering to switch on any of the lights on your way.

as soon as your door was open, whoever was on the other side flung themselves inside, stumbling as they attempted to pull off their shoes. you couldn’t even see who the person was, the low light of the hallway doing little to help you figure out who the intruder was.

and, just as you were about to speak up, the person spoke - though it was more of a grumble - and said, “luce, i’m sorry for doin’ this again.” ben. his voice was slurred and his actions were full of haste. the way he threw his shoes to the side and his jacket on to the floor made you realise he truly thought he was on the floor below; everywhere he was throwing things were where lucy had furniture.

then you realised something else; it was happening again. that night lucy had told you about, with ben drinking with the lads, had happened again. though, you weren’t sure if he was drinking alone or not, but whatever had happened to ben had made him feel the need to see lucy, before anything.

“i know it’s prob’ly late, but i can’t stop thinking about her and you’re the only person who knows how i feel.” came ben’s mumbling voice again. he sounded weak, vulnerable, something you’d never heard in any tone of his voice before. well, there were some exceptions, but this voice, this tone, was something else. and it scared you.

but you stayed quiet, waiting for ben to either say something again or... something else to happen, like a meteor hitting the earth, to save the both of you from this conversation.

“fuck, you moved things around in here?” he grumbled, walking around to find something to grip onto or sit on.

your head was screaming to say something, to reply and end whatever this was, yet your heart was screaming to save yourself the heartache (from what, you didn’t know).

it wasn’t until ben managed to find a lightswitch that your heart began to race even faster than before. you were met with his disheveled look, his boots haphazardly pulled off and scattered across your floor and his jacket thrown carelessly across the wood of your dining table mismatched his reddening eyes and mess of his hair.

and, as if time was frozen, ben stood against the wall of your apartment, his eyes as wide as ever and his heart thumping against the case of his chest. you were no better; at least you knew who had stumbled into your apartment, but ben was in shock. because it was you. of course it was you, who else could make ben’s heart beat as fast as you could?

which is why ben stood still, acting as if he stayed deadly still, the predator before him would ignore his very existence. but the elephant was in the room, and you could not ignore the existence of that.

“ben,” you whispered, your voice stretching out to fill the gap between your bodies. instead, it died upon it’s journey, failing to reach the only person who mattered to you at that minute. “ben, it’s okay: i know.”

that didn’t settle his nerves. the only things those two words did was set his heart racing faster and he felt like his world was collapsing in on himself.

“no,” he shook his head, finally pulling his eyes away from your glance, turning his back towards you as his hands made his hair even more of a mess. “no, it’s not okay.”

but it was. it was more than okay because somewhere between ben stumbling through your door and this moment right now, you had found the courage to tell him that you knew, that you felt the same, this it was okay.

taking advantage of his back facing you, you stepped over to him carefully. at first, you were unsure of your movements, letting your hands linger in the air just above ben’s back before you took the final step and pressed them against his t-shirt-covered skin. the muscles in his back tensed and tightened, but he quickly let the warmth and welcoming feeling of you relax him.

only then did you become more confident, letting your hands move lightly over his back, mapping every bump and dimple they found. you ventured down to ben’s hips, covering the skin of his sides before settling around his front on his stomach.

“it’s okay, ben.” you said once again, your voice falling into a quiet whisper next to the shell of his ear as your chin rested on his shoulder. both of hands met yours. they were warm and fit comfortably between yours, something you had always imagined.

“how do you know?” he tested the waters, only letting his voice be loud enough for you to hear, like this was your little secret. you weren’t sure if ben was asking how you knew how he felt or how things would be okay, but you chose the former.

“lucy told me,” you replied in an equal tone, moving your head from his shoulder to press against his back, just between his shoulder blades. “she told me about that night you went to her apartment after you had been out with the boys: she told me how you felt about me.”

“and?” he said soon after, not wanting to wait any longer for a response that could change his life.

“ben, you mean the world to me, and i was always afraid that if we began a relationship, it could ruin our friendship. but i’m not afraid of that anymore, and i just want what i want: you.”

ben had never felt so sober. he had begun the night alone and, somehow, ended it in your arms; one of the places he didn’t think he’d be for a while.

his thumb began tracing small circles on the back of your hand, letting himself know that this was real and this was happening. it also grounded you. it gave you something to focus on when you needed it. but you didn’t want it to be that; you wanted it to be something that happens regularly and often. now, that might happen.

reluctantly, you pulled your hands from his, taking your arms away from his body as you circled around him. once his face met yours, neither of you could hold in the tiny smile which threatened to appear at the corner of your lips. god, you could only imagine what his lips felt like, what they tasted like. and you imagined that they felt like silk.

your hands quickly found purchase on ben’s body once again. this time, you traced the outline of his face, allowing yourself to take your time as you moved along his jawline. as one hand did that, the other tangled it’s fingers into the hair on the nape of his neck - something that he was growing out for a role, but you enjoyed it regardless.

ben was so overwhelmed, the only place he could find to anchor himself to you were your hips. he squeezed and pressed the skin lightly, wanting to live in the moment as much as he could, just in case you slipped through his fingertips, like silk does.

you can’t help but notice that you’ve never seen him like this before, so vulnerable and open to you and your touch. of course, you had touched each other before, but not with the softness and meaning like now.

“i want you, too,” ben finally whispered, never letting his gaze falter from you. his hands seemed to grip your hips a little harder as your hands slid down from his head and onto his shoulders. “that’s all i’ve wanted since i met you.”

just then, you pushed yourself onto the balls of your feet, managing to slightly close the gap between you and ben as his head bowed lower, too. your lips met like a perfect melody, so soft and gentle and better than you could have ever imagined.

slowly, and once again, your hands traced their way up ben’s skin, circling around his neck before toying with those little hairs you had suddenly become so fond of. and, as a response, ben’s hands shifted from your hips to your lower back quicker than you could register, pushing and pulling your body flush with his own.

his hands were warm and big and better than you could have imagined. they were strong, keeping the two of you together in perfect harmony as you explored the other’s touch after so, so long.

but, then ben pulled away, keeping you pressed against his chest while looking down at you, your lips swollen and red and, god, so beautiful. he only smiled, pulling away to grab your hand a second later.

he was your personal guide through your home, taking you towards your bedroom (only after turning off the light he switched on earlier). as soon as you got in the room, ben let you go, turning to close the door as you stood waiting for him; you almost felt like a stranger, standing there in your own room with no feeling of anything but ben.

once the door clicked shut, he turned his attention back to you. while he walked forward, you stumbled backwards, only stopping when the back of your knees hit the side of your bed.

“get in,” he spoke gently, pressing a light kiss to your forehead. “i’ll be there in a second.” and so you did. since you were already about to settle down for the night when ben knocked on the door, you just sat underneath the covers again.

seeing the cast of ben’s shadow on your walls from the beaming moon was a sight you knew you would never tire of. the way he moved gracefully as he pulled off his shirt and jeans, leaving on only his boxers and turning back to you.

he was a ghost striding towards you. a vision as his body drifted towards you, so bright and beautiful under the moon, so quiet as he slipped under the covers to lay next to you; his arms open and welcoming.

so you accepted, letting yourself have this, this moment, with ben. you found yourself tucked into his side, one arm dragged across his torso with your head on his chest. his left arm wrapped itself around your shoulders, his right arm laying adjacent to yours, letting your fingertips touch and ghost along one another.

you stayed there, for a minute or two, just getting used to each other’s rise and fall of your chests and the dips and bumps of each other’s skin. neither of you had felt more at peace than in that moment.

and as you lay there in ben’s arms, the steady beating in his heart right below your ear and finally feeling content, you knew that you were ready for love.

-

TAGLIST: @shes-over-bored @i-barely-go-on-online​ @sohoneyspreadyourwings​ @brian-maybe-not​ @deakysbabybooty​ @1001-yellow-daffodils​ @retromusicsalad @hardcoredisneynerd​ @painkiller80​ @leatherjacketmazzello​ @scarecrowmax​ @mebeatlized @seesiderendezvous​ @alright-mrfahrenheit​ @someone-get-a-medic​ @miamideacon @chlobo6​ @teenagepeterpan​ @spacedustmazzello​ @deakysgurl​ @forever-rogue​ @xcdelilahxc​ @keepsdrawings​ @igotsuckedintothevoid​ @kill4hqueen​ @supersonicfreddie​ @laedymoon​ @inthedayswhenlandswerefew​ @warriorteam1924​ @painandpleasure86​ @boomerangbassist​ @mamaskillerqueen​ @bhxrdy​

[diariesof-kg]

Love & Order.

08_01_2021

I am bothered that I keep having dreams about this person. I am confused why my mind is going in reverse.  Why my mind creates these visuals of us happy and being together when that could never be.  Perhaps it’s the illusion of the mind.  Perhaps my dream is the reality of false hopes.  It’s strange and I need it to stop.  There are moments that I do miss, I can be honest about but I feel as those the rush of disappointments erased all of that.

I do embrace the dreams because they are true feelings that I had. I really loved and cared about her deeply.  It is extremely hard to make me fall in love.  I don’t rush into using the word love either.  I have to feel it on a spiritual level before it leaves my mouth.  I am at most disappointed with myself though. I reflect a lot and think, girl, you were blinded because you left a lot of people behind for things they did to you and you couldn’t see any of this coming.  But relationships are complicated as usual.  The last time we had a disagreement, was when she was doing my hair.  And I remember I just got over it quick and asked for a kiss.  And that was the end of it.  There are positive reasons why I stayed although it felt toxic as hell.  I had experienced things I didn’t experience in my past relationships.  I legit slept on the couch, floor after an argument from my past.  I legit couldn’t get a hug or kiss. It was bad and so part of me was getting something different and I stayed.  There were positive moments.

After the court proceedings, I reflected on what was said.  She said she bit me to get me to leave.  But I was bit outside of your residence and it wasn’t a nibble, it was cuts in my arms and a nasty bruise that looked gross overtime.  That statement made me sick to my stomach.  It just reminded me of victims in domestic violence situations get blamed for them being harmed.  She admitted to it, but still didn’t apologize.  It was disgusting.  This is why I will speak on what happened to me to the masses.  Because there are so many victims who live in silence, because of how conditioned they have become from their partners.  Like when she told me her friend slit her wrist and wrote I love you all over the girlfriend walls because they were breaking up.  What excuse is that?  What if your friend killed her girlfriend, you are going to blame the dead? She shouldn’t have broken up with someone crazy, then she’d be alive.  This is truthfully sick.  It makes sense why your friends are your friends and why as a flock of pigeons, neither one of you really held each other accountable.  Her and her friends find excuses to one’s actions and blames the victims.  That’s honestly scary.  I am lowkey scared for my life now.  I mean wow.  And then the person who paid you to mail drugs or what have you told you the police was coming and to not come home.  I should report his ass. LOL.  He part of the problem too.  You have a whole ring device to avoid the police from your recreational activities. Oh boy.

I am at peace though.  I feel refreshed after everything that has happened.  I wish I could date someone else, but I am stuck, well my soul is stuck on the person who betrayed me.  I am patiently waiting for everything to resolve itself, so that I can move on and be with someone else.  I feel like the timing and the universe will work itself out.  I honestly love the Buffins.  The way they built their foundation and their relationship is goals.  They both have great work ethics and indulge in each other.  I know where they are with each other took a lot of time, but when you know that person is your forever I am going to have to assume something silently dings.  I thought she was my person too, but somehow I was wrong.  Still upset with myself about that.  I even thought, what if all this blows over and we reunite but then I think to myself, she told a federal employee that I stole her identity.  I just can’t forgive that.  That’s really dangerous to lie like that.  You walking around Los Angeles telling lies like that.  I work for the government how gross can you get.  You could make up any lie on me but that is too far.  Even the lawyer was shocked and was like, you work with so many people, why would you choose her.  Especially when they ask if she has a job or monies.  They trying to understand the motive here.  Like that is disgusting.  That’s part of my story too.  Like I said, someone else is for me.  A soulmate.  A lifetime partner.  I just have to be patient enough.  I want to move in with my partner and travel together.  I want to propose the whole nine.

So before everything hit the fan, I had this plan to ask her to be my gf.  The only person that knew of this was my bff Nay.  I had told her to ask her what kind of ring she likes and all these questions.  I started taking her out on random dates just to see how things could go.  I had bought a ring, lordt nobody knows, because they’d all kill me. Lol.  But I did.  You can even check my bookmarks.  Even when I was planning Big Sur, it was all part of the plot.  I remember trying to figure out how to get her out of the resort room to set this all up.  I even reached out to a planner.  I am very romantic when it comes to showing my partner love.  I don’t believe in showing it upfront all the time, because its cliche.  I even had the idea of at my house.  It was a thing.  And this was being planned since December.  I think my bff did ask silver or gold and my bff said silver.  It was bound to happen regardless of us being on bad terms, because I never give up on what I truly feel.  But parts of me is glad I saw those tweets.  Because I would have been a dumbass bish looking real stupid.  I mean I still looked stupid because I was loyal and not being flirtatious to others. I am still upset at my damn self to be honest.

I wake up everyday feeling great, because I can replan it for someone else.  I can fall in love with someone else.  I can spoil someone else who will truly love and care about me.  Who is secure within themselves and open.  That is what keeps me going.  Even though I felt broken after April 30th, I told my therapist no one will ever want me.  And I cried for a week.  I look back and think damn I survived that.  Someone will accept me as damage goods and understand my past.  I do believe it will happen soon.  It’s difficult being that covid has made its rounds again.  But I took time from work to refocus on a few things.  My room is almost done.  Its going to be like a spiritual room when you walk in.  You can meditate, write on the board of things you want to let go of and then it’s just that.  I my friends to feel at peace when they come in.  I know it seems strange but that’s how I want my condo to be as well.  Like a zen vibe.  I am just waiting for more stuff to be delivered.  I am excited about that.  I have not have the urge to hop back on any dating sites.  I do feel different about myself.  I have never had trust issues at all.  And now I do.  I am definitely scared to get to know someone or allow them to know me.  It’s not a good feelings at all.  But I do want to be with someone by 2022.  I want to share a life with someone.  There is no rush but I for one don’t want to be past 35, still can’t be in a relationship.

Parts of me is sad though too.  Because we would look at million dollar homes and in my head, I knew how simple it would to get it.  But like spiritual z said, you can’t protect her anymore and I have to move on and get out of this cycle.  But I do want to settle down by 2022.  I want to get this townhouse or condo and then a Tesla.  And then whomever is interested can have the choice as we get serious to move in with me or we get a place together.  All about communication and commitment and I am ready for that.  But also, I have to close this chapter.  Which means after telling my story to the blogs, the groups etc. and I am fully healed, I know the universe will be ready to send me someone by the end of the year.  I am honestly excited, because I am definitely going to take my future bae on a vacation by the 5th date.  I am not playing this time.  I have the means to do it, so why not.  I saved up enough for anything I desire at this point.  Plus thank you MTV and VH1.  Thank you for all the bookings honestly.  

To end this blog, I will post the responses I received after the domestic violence occurred.  I posted this anonymously to avoid being flooded in my inbox.  But it made me feel better about the situation, especially when you are torn. 

Until next time...

[erattum]

Asleep & Sleeping with

(Antipode PART 4)

Characters: Tsundere!Dong Sicheng x Y/N & NCT/WAYV

Genre: NCT College AU | NCT Heirs AU

Warnings: mentioned of sex, alcohol , cursing, fluff

Summary:

You could get pretty drunk and do some ugly stuffs you would regret tomorrow when you wake up.

(I’ve noticed that I wrote partly for what I would like to say to NCT and WayV as a real person. For example, to Lucas in this chapter.)

“Get ready to be part of the 99ang”

Y/N was standing in front of the four boys, weaking the same white shirt with ‘99ang’ (read as ‘gang’) printed on the chest and their names at the back of it. She was told by Lucas that there would be an accepting ceremony to be held for her as the newest member of their group of same age.

They are being watched by the other members, the older ones shaking their head for the silliness of their brothers. Some of the Dreamies protests that they wanted to be part of it but Xiaojun made sure to give them a pep talk about how it should be exclusive only for the people born in 1999.

“So now, we will proceed to the alcohol room!” Hendery clapped and they dragged her to the second floor, left wing of the mansion.

“Don’t do anything stupid!” Kun shouted to remind them how this initiation should be harmless.

“No breaking of stuffs, killing of animals as a tribute and chanting gibberish to call for evil spirit. Don’t make Y/N cry.” Doyoung stopped in front of five of them and the four boys only nodded out of excitement.

-

Lucas, Mark, Xiaojun and Hendery was now standing in front of Y/N in the alcohol room of the mansion. She was never been there before and she didn’t even have an idea that this room existed. It was an indoor 5ft pool with a bar on the side of it to where you can chill. It was strictly only for the legal age members and the Dreamies was banned to enter only to when they had reached their legal age.

“As the newest member of now the now largest ’same-age-friends’ in this household, we need to drink this tonight.” Lucas handed her the Dalmore 62 which she doesn’t have an idea what drink it is aside from the fact that it surely an alcohol with a pretty elegant bottle.

“Dude, Sicheng hyung told me she didn’t drink, what if we accidentally alcohol poisoned her?” Mark whispered at his friend while she was busy admiring the beautiful bottle she didn’t have a slightest idea it cost $250 000.

“Chill dude. It’s a one time thing. It won’t hurt.” Lucas answered him with the same tone of voice. Lucas cleared his throat to get her attention again.

“So, at the count of three…”

“ one…”

“ two..”

“THREE!”

Y/N could literally taste the bitterness of the alcohol and how it burns her throat. She bottoms up the shot glass and shove it back to Mark, wiping her lips and waiting for the bitterness to subside.

The four boys cheered on her and they all started the night of celebration.

-

“There are perks on being a member of this club.” Hendery utter while the five of them was lying on the inflatable pool floating on the indoor pool. Luckily, the roof where the pool was located was convertible and they turned it as transparent glass where they could see the stars at the night sky. They put pillows and blankets where they could lay down comfortably after they finished the bottle of drinks they could count.

“What is it?” Y/N turned her head to her left where Hendery was lying. She hug his arm when he continued talking.

“We could do this hang out from time to time. Talking about things, everything, and it will be protected by our friendship so it must not be shared outside of the group.” Hendery was looking at the stars, eyes sparkling like he was talking about his dreams.

“Is that so?” She answered and looked the the stars again.

“We all have concerns, you know. And it was a relief to hear other people’s concerns. Somehow it comforts us, a reminder that we are not alone feeling that way.” Mark who was positioned at the far right side with Lucas oh his left side.

“I really don’t feel that I deserve this luxury life.” Lucas spoked that made them startled because they thought he passed out from drinking too much. Lucas opened his eyes and look at the stars while his friends are looking at him, waiting for him to continue.

“ I grew up hearing that I have the face of being the heir of Wong, but I am sure to myself that it was only my physical appearance that look expensive like what they said.” You could see Lucas’ eyes got a little sadder for his confession.

“I want to explore the world. I am a child at heart with full of happiness. I maybe tall but I cry easily. I am not a cold hearted, or an asshole who fucks around leaving trails of broken-hearted girls crying.” Lucas got quiet for a minute, absorbing the words he said and being satisfied with it.

“I say I love you easily, whenever I miss people, or home, I say I love you to my friends, out of nowhere just to remind them.” Lucas continued and a moment of silence envelopes them.

“We love you for who you are Lucas. It’s my first time saying this but WayV would not be the same if you are not you.” Xiaojun answered him that made Lucas smile.

“It feel so good knowing that.”

-

“Sicheng, remind yourself to scold your brothers tomorrow” Sicheng was struggling to lift Y/N and bring her to her room.

“MarklEE stopit…” she slurred and pushed his hands thinking he was Mark.

“Stop moving. I am not Mark.” Sicheng held her arms again and they proceed to walk clumsily. Their little party was finished when Taeyong knocked to check them up only to found the five of them sleeping soundly in the floating pool. Taeyong called Johnny, Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Kun to help the four boys to travel back to their rooms.

“Dong Sicheng, your help is a must here.” Taeyong opened Sicheng’s bedroom door only to found him reading a book at his bed.

“What is it, hyung?” Sicheng closed his book and put it at the bedside table. He removed the comforter from his lap to stand up.

“Your girl is refusing to fo out of that room. I am done, she’s your responsibility now.” Taeyong told him only to furrowed his eyebrows.

“Okay, they welcomed her to be part of their same age friend group and she got pretty drunk.” Sicheng rolled his eyes and he lazily walk to the room to pick up Y/N. He saw her sitting but her eyes was closed and Lucas was crying because Jaehyun and Doyoung was trying to remove his long limbs from hugging Y/N.

Sicheng went to them and he lift Y/N up in bridal style.

“Y’all are a fcking mess.” Doyoung uttered under his breath and that was the last thing Sicheng heard after he exited the room.

“What the —-“ Sicheng couldn’t believe the misfortune he was facing when he tried to open her bedroom door. It was locked and he knew that it would take a lot of time to go to where the spare keys was located. Every step he made was heavy and he couldn’t do anything but to let her sleep to his room.

Sicheng groaned and stretched his back after putting her to his bed. She was sleeping and have no idea what’s happening around her.

“Dejun, why Sicheng hates me?” He was startled when she talked assuming that she was fast asleep. His eyebrows knitted at her drunk question.

She suddenly sat up startling her soulmate and she opened her eyes but couldn’t do it properly.

“He was always acting like I don’t exist. I tried to talk to him but he say… h-hurtful words.” She was now sniffling unaware that she was inside the room of the man she was talking about.

“ Hendery, tell him I’m not a bad person.” She was now assuming that he was Hendery. Sicheng kneel in front of her fix her hair that stick to her face because of her tears. It was out of his personality, but he didn’t questioned it and assumed that it was the soulmate thing that made him do it.

“ He acted in front of our family, I wish he was nice like that everyday and—- Lucas, why it’s so hot in here?” Sicheng couldn’t move from his sitting position when she started to remove her shirt.

“Hey—HEY STOP IT!” Sicheng was about to stand up but failed to when she clutched his shoulders, failed to remove her shirt and she vomited on his shirt.

Sicheng pushed her away and she fall lying down oh his sheet. He couldn’t take the smell of his ruined shirt so he go to the bathroom and remove his shirt. He cleaned himself using a wet washcloth and while doing it, he exited the bathroom to get a shirt but he stopped on his track when he saw her shirt and pants on the floor. He looked at her and she was sitting on the bed, eyes closed and fumbling on her back to remove her brassiere.

“STOP—- OH GOD!” Sicheng immediately closed his eyes, he dropped the washcloth on the floor to blindly walk towards her and stop her, but he couldn’t find her until he heard someone snoring. He hesitated to opened his eyes and thank all gods that she was lying on her stomach, her back facing him but Sicheng immediately blushed when he saw her black panty.

“You’re such a troublemaker.” He tried to not to think a lot, hands shaking when he tried to wrap her using his sheets. He came up to a plan that after wrapping her, he will get two of his shirts, one for him and one for her. He told himself that he will put her in his shirt while closing his eyes

But it was all broken when she drag him to lay down on his bed. He was unable to use his energy to resist her because he was busy on his thoughts.

Sicheng closed his eyes when she sat on his stomach, he have so much respect to her and he bet his life that she would regret everything when she woke up and he didn’t want to look at her body without her consent.

“So warm…” she whispered when she lay dow above him, arms and legs wrapped around his body, her head oh his chest.

His heart accelerated and his body got tensed when he felt her… chest… squished on his stomach. Sicheng tried to closed his eyes and tried to control himself not to think too much about their skin contact. He came up to the conclusion that he will just wait for her to sleep before getting out of the situation.

He look at his bedside table and his clock flashed 4:00 am. He was drained physically and emotionally so he just let her sleep. He drag the sheets that draped on her waist to protect her back from the cold air conditioning.

He waited and failed because he fell asleep on her warm embrace. He never remembered someone gave him this kind of warm that lulled him to his sleep.

—-

Y/N was stirred on her sleep when she felt a cold breeze on her back. She furrowed her eyebrows when she felt so cold at her back but her front body was warm. She noticed that she was hugging her huge pillow.

Huge pillow?

She touches her pillow, trying to identify it while still closing her eyes but suddenly her “pillow” took a deep breath.

Her eyes was shot opened and she supported her body using her palms to check what’s underneath her. She couldn’t speak for a second she saw Sicheng, her soulmate, the one who was ignoring her existence since day one, was peacefully and oh god so handsomely sleeping beneath her.

Sicheng on the other hand was stirred on his sleep, sensing that someone was looking at him. He opened his eyes and he was greeted by Y/N’s shocked face closed to him. On a cue, she screamed at the top of her lungs. Sicheng was fast to close his eyes and a hand blocked his ears while his other hand was still wrapped around her waist, supporting her when he suddenly sat up.

It was when she felt the sheets fell from her waist down to her butt and his eyes glanced for a second on her chest when she became aware that she was only on her panties. Her front was bare and clear for him to see but Sicheng only look at her eyes.

The situation didn’t get any better when the door suddenly opened, revealing Taeyong, with the whole 127 boys, on their way to have their breakfast and was about to wake up Sicheng to drag it from his bed, assuming that he was still asleep, just something to annoy him, but he’s not.

Sicheng was fast and nobody saw anything and they couldn’t process at first when he grab her to his chest and protect her “dignity” from the nine boys. He turned his back from the door and his back was the only thing displayed on their eyes. Sicheng grab the sheets and covered her lower body, avoiding the non existent distance of their chest.

“GET OUT!” and the boys was scrambling out of the door, shutting it closed and all the two of them heard was the running footsteps away from Sicheng’s room.

“AHHH!” She screamed and pushed him away, dragging the sheets on her waist up to her chest. Y/N was now crying her eyes out. She didn't know what to feel. So exposed? Taken for granted?

“Stop crying, ugh.” Sicheng got out of his bed and stretched his body. Her weight might be light but still his body didn’t got used to it. He let her cried, waiting for her to calm herself down.

“Why am I n-naked? At your b-bed?” She asked between her sobs. She was looking at his naked back, stretching, his back muscles flexing, but that was not the case for now.

“We had sex. You ride me.” Sicheng said on a monotone voice, like he was asked to what’s his name. She couldn’t believe on what she heard.

“W-we h-had?” Her lips were trembling. She couldn’t speak properly. How could she let her first time be with someone she didn’t love and worst, she couldn’t remember what happened. She planned all along that her first time is for someone whom she will love, marry and on her honeymoon. Basically, for Sicheng because he was her soulmate but they barely knew each other! They barely talked, never been in a date, or have feelings with each other and yet he already got did the home run.

“What’s that?” She asked, already felt down. Sicheng looked at her, he didn’t know what she was talking about. She was still crying and was afraid to hear anything about last night but still she asked him. It was her first time for crying out loud of course she will ask him, no matter how embarrassing it was.

“What’s what?”

“ Ride. What’s ‘ride you’ supposed to mean?” Her face was red, eyebrows furrowed to glare at him, lips pouting but her innocent question is what made him laugh.

Sicheng never laughed like this for a long time and to her perspective, it was strange to see him laughing, especially on their situation.

“Get up. Let’s have something to eat first and then we will get the key to unlock your room.” When Sicheng finished putting on a shirt, he grab a pair of white shirt and one of his boxer shorts, he helped her put it on after she found her bra hanging on his bedside lamp.

“When will you stop crying huh?” Sicheng was getting annoyed at her. He was dealing with her crying for the past 6 hours.

“What would you expect from me? Celebrating? After you took my virginity.” She sobbed after she put the shirt on with his help. Their gesture seems so natural for both of them and they even didn’t noticed that they are in sync.

“I was just lying, stop crying ok?” He saw how relieved she is but still looking at him suspiciously.

“Are you sure there’s no baby in my stomach?” She asked like a child that made Sicheng almost smile.

“There’s none. Let’s go. I’m hungry. You have a HUGE debt from making me suffer.”

-

The dining table was quite that only the utensils can be heard. The 127 couldn’t look at the soulmates, after they saw earlier.

“Why are you all suddenly so quiet like an innocent lamb?” Ten asked looking at Doyoung who was focused on his plate like he was inside the operation room and Jaehyun who’s ears were so red.

“We walked in Sicheng and Y/N having sex.” Haechan may be shy but it didn’t stopped his honest mouth to say what he saw, earning curses and choking reactions from the table.

“WE ARE NOT. WE DID’T DO THAT. NO. YOU TOOK IN ON A WRONG WAY.” Y/N was immediately on her feet to defend the two of them while Sicheng was quiet and peacefully eating his food.

“You’re not allowed to drink from now on.” Sicheng said, and they all looked at him.

“Who are you to say that?” She was annoyed on how he dictates her life as if he owned her.

“I am the one who didn’t left you to sleep outside your door and cleaned your mess. If you tried to drink again and got drunk, you’ll be straight up in my room.” Sicheng assumed that if he let her dink again and let her sleep to their room, she will start removing her clothes.

“You’re so mean.” She whispered and the boys couldn’t help but to smile.

Finally! The two of them are starting to talk to each other even if it’s basically bickering.

-

[My ask box is always open :)]

[mizu-writes-kumo]

Shance prompt (if it's alright with you) where Shiro is the reincarnation of God of Life and Lance is the reincarnation of God of Death (also if it's alright can I stay anonymous? I am not able to use private messenger on mobile browser so yeah, thanks)

I really liked this idea,  It was fun, even if I don't super like the why I ended it, it was how I planned to do it.  I hope you like it!

Also you can heard it here on AO3. 

--

Life has a beginning and an end.

Death is eternal.  

Unlike Life, Death does not have a start and an end.  Death is never born.  Nor does Death end and fade away.  Death is as they always have been, and how they will always be.  Existing. Until there is no more time left.

Life does not lose Death.

But Death always loses Life.

Life dies, and fades, and is born again in a new body and new soul.  

Leaving Death to wait for Life’s return to them.  Left to wander around searching for Life so they can been together again.  

While Death merely...moves on to a new vessel.

Death’s new vessel’s name was Lance...is Lance.

Lance was a real person before Lance was Death, and Death was Lance.  

With a family that loved him.  And a handful of friends that truly cared for him.  He wanted to travel as much as he could.  Meet as many people as he could, and maybe fall in love with someone on a trip.   

He died...somehow.  

It is slightly fuzzy, but that’s how it always is for Death with a vessel.  Because they die...but they don’t die.  That and without Life, Death is a shell of themselves and their vessel.  They don't know things they should, beyond being Death.  Nor will they until they find Life again.  So in the end it doesn’t really matter at all.  

Lance wonders about most the world after becoming Death.  

Not really knowing exactly why.

It seems like he is following a pull of something.  Something that leads him to every hospital, every farm, every animal shelter and breeder, and every flower shop, he can find.  Fruitless searching something he has no clue about.  But he knows, somewhere deep, those are the places to check.

What Lance is looking for is usually there.

Natural places for Life to be doing something.

So he is left to just wander around.  Listlessly searching in a half knowledgeable daze.  Not really filled with any emotion about it.   Just waiting for things to happen.  Because it will and he knows it will be like waking up from a dream.

Sometimes, Lance stays in a city for a while.

Like the one he was in currently.

It is large and full of people, and animals, and things.  Bursting with activity and life at all times.  Lance had been there for just over a year know.  He’s checked everyone hospital, animal shelter, vet, and florist shop in the place.  Part of him knows he should move on, go to the next place.  Only it feel like there is no other place.

So he wonders around the city daily.  

Wandering and wandering.

And he always stops in front of small flower shop.

Staring at it.

Star Garden was the name of it.  It’s a tiny little place, crammed between a tourist shop and a popular restaurant.  Probably statistically placed in reality, and doing well for itself.  Despite the fact that it looks like it's half starting to fall apart.  But there was always buckets overflowing with beautiful vibrant flowers.

“Are ever going to buy anything from my shop?” A voice suddenly asked.

Lance turned to the sound of the voice to see a man squatting in front a bucket of yellow flowers.  A relatively good looking man by Lance’s tastes.  Square jawline, built and broad, with hair that looked soft...even with the weird white bang fluff he had going on.  A scar rested across his nose and soft smile on his lips.

Lance knows he’s never meet this man before.  

There had been a young woman with whitish hair that was very polite when Lance first came in.  And there as another man with a mullet.  He was never very nice, and always demand Lance either buy something or get lost.

“I am not good with flowers.”  Lance stated simply.

“Okay, but to be fair to my shop, most of the flowers I sell out of pots only last a week.”  The man said as he moved to strand up and turned more towards Lance.  He’s a few inches taller than Lance.  And he has a name tag that reads ‘Shiro’.  “That’s how bouquets kind of work.  It’s kind of the sad truth.”

Lance hummed absently as he shoved his hands in the pocket of his jacket.  Before he took a step towards Shiro and the buckets of flowers.  He knows they will  start to wilt the moment he touches him.  Because that’s just want they do now since he became Death.

“I don’t have a reason to buy flowers.”  Lance said after a small beat of silence.  

“Then why do you stop by everyday then?”  Shiro asked with a cute titled of his head.

Lance shrugged in reply.

Shiro hummed at him with a slightly frown.  

“What?”  Lance asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Usually people have some sort of answer, like fate...or Allura.”  Shiro said simply with something that looked a bit of a pout..  “Or they need to buy flowers.”  He paused before he snorted a bit.  “Honestly, you could have said a unicorn told you to come every day, and it would be less weird than shrugging.”

“Well, in my defense, I think I only have like half brain cell functioning.”  Lance shoot back.  “I feel like am wandering around in some kind of dream waiting to wake up.  And there’s just something about this place...that keeps pulling me back.  But not like in a fate way.  If that makes sense?”

Shiro made a small face at the words.

One was clear that what Lance said made no real sense to him.  The smile after was just to be polite and kind to the weirdness.  Because he didn’t wanted to hurt Lance’s feelings.

“Like I said half a function brain cell.”  Lance tried to recover.

Shiro laughed lightly at the statement.  Nodding in agreement that, yes, Lance had said that and it was clearly very true.  

“Maybe give it a bit of a rest when you get home.”  Shiro said as he turned back to the bucket of yellow flowers.  “And since you never buy anything, maybe I can interest you in a free sample to put in a vase or tall glass, whatever you have.”  Shiro continued as he reached down and pulled out a tall stem of a flower.  “Make your dining table nice and pretty.  Maybe help convince you purchase something from my little shop.”  Shiro held the flower out towards Lance with an encouraging look.  “Come on, take it.  It’s going to wither and die anyway.”

“No, I reall--”

“Take it, please.”  Shiro insisted as he held the flower out further towards Lance.  “It’s not like it’s going to wilt immediately in your hand.”

Lance knew the flower would very much to that.  Okay well not instantly.  But it would start to droop and loose color as it started to wilt away.  Once Lance reached the end of the street after saying his thanks and goodbyes, it would be brown and gone.  

Taking the flower was not an option.

He needed to make up some excuse as to way.  Like severe allergies or a cat or a cat with severe allergies.  Something that was reasonable for turning down a simple flower when he comes to look at a flower shop everyday.  That way he wouldn’t have to touch the flower or anything.

Yet…

Lance takes his hand out of his pocket and takes the stem.

Being mindful not to touch Shiro beyond a passing brush.  Humans are not like flowers, they won’t die at a touch from him.  But if Lance isn’t careful he’ll drain a little life energy.  People usually get tired or fall suddenly ill.  And Lance wished to avoid that at all costs.

“Thank you, that is very kind of you.”  Lance said as he watched Shiro take his hand away.

Lance kept his gaze on the flower.  Watching the amount of wilt that takes all, as a judge of how much time he could truly linger before anyone would notices.  He could hear Shiro brush of his thanks and say something else.  But he doesn’t listen, merely watches the flower.

Which surprisingly doesn’t wilt in Lance’s hold.

And then it’s like wake up from a dream.

The haze on his knowledge lifts. The world seemed a little brighter.  Feels a little warmer and softer.  Even sounded a little louder, and moved with a familiar buzz, Lance hadn’t felt in a long long time.  Like there is a sort of breath and life to it all.  

Like it did whenever Death had Life.

That was why...

Quickly Lance looked up and Shiro.  

Real name Takashi Shirogane, age 26, born in February.  Yet time and cause of death is a little fuzzy, in the way Life’s always was for Death.  As the universe intended it to be.  There had to be order.  Life had to end, and Death needed not to stand in the way of that.

Finding the other’s gray eyes wide.

Like his mind had just be flooded with all things Life knew and felt.

Gently Lance reached out to rest a hand of Shiro’s arm.  Finding it warm and pleasant, under his touch, like it always was.  He smiled softly as he carefully guided Shiro to a small bench in the front of the shop to sit down.  Life always takes a moment to come back to him when he meets them again.  

Because it’s not just like a haze being lifted.  

Life is born again.  They never have any lingering sense of knowledge like Death does when they take a new vessel.  Rather it is like a sort of bloom opening, and things fall into place.  It has always been there, but hidden away.  And meeting Death well...it kick starts it all.  But it still takes a moment or two work through the initial burst.

“Hello again, my love.”  Lance said once Shiro looked up at him again.

And he could feel his heart start to beat again at the smile he received in return.

--

AN:  I hope you enjoyed this.

Also again I think took the italics off, cause it usually does and I am too lazy at the moment.

[croatian-magician]

The magician and the Welsh dragon (part 3)

Pairing: Baleric

Summary: Leaving the safety of the city to collect herbs for his potions after the guards spotted a dragon nearby certainly wasn’t Luka’s most clever idea.

Or maybe it was?

Wordcount: 4630

From this moment, Gareth started to get better and Luka could see that he was slowly healing. He still liked to hold the magician against him at night, but he could finally sleep without him and not be plagued by nightmares and bad memories. He also started growing more confident and this helped to accelerate his learning of magic. Luka was each day a little more amazed by his progresses, just like he was falling more and more for him.

He tried not to let it impact their everyday life, but he knew this couldn’t go on forever. One day, he would have to tell Gareth the truth. And maybe that would be the day when his friend would leave forever. For now, Luka refused to think about it, mainly because he was planning something big, something that would take him lots of time. One day, as they were brewing potions together, he decided it was finally time for him to talk about it with Gareth.

“You know, Gaz, I have something to tell you…”

His friend immediately raised his head so he could stare at Luka, almost knocking the caldron over in the process. He muttered a few words of excuses, embarrassed but also a little eager to hear what this was about.

“Go ahead, then.”

“I’ll have to leave on a trip soon, and I wondered if you could take care of the tower when I’m gone.”

Happiness disappeared from Gareth’s face, only to be replaced by sadness and confusion. He tried to hide it as best as he could though, so he wouldn’t disappoint Luka. It was all his fault for expecting too much, for somehow imagining that the magician was about to declare his feelings towards him. He couldn’t blame Luka for that.

“Can’t I come with you?”

“I’m sorry, Gareth, I would love for you to come with me, but I need someone here to make new potions. See it as a reward for all your hard work. I’m letting you be in charge and I’m trusting you not to blow up the tower while I’m gone.”

Gareth smiled at that little joke, but it was forced and only so that Luka wouldn’t feel bad about himself. He knew it was selfish of him and that he shouldn’t think like that. Luka didn’t belong to him, he was allowed to live his own life, to travel out of his tower whenever he wanted. That didn’t change anything to the fact that Gareth would miss him, though.

“Yeah, I can take care of that, no worry. When are you leaving?”

“I was thinking about tomorrow morning? Except if you want me to wait a few days so you can get used to the idea. My goal isn’t to make things complicated for you and…”

“No, no, you can leave tomorrow, it’s alright. I’ll take care of everything, don’t worry.”

Gareth didn’t believe in his own words. He would have giving anything for Luka to tell him that he was only tricking him, that he wasn’t going anywhere. But the smaller man only nodded, a thankful smile on his beautiful lips.

“Thank you, Gareth, I knew I could count on you. Now let’s get to work, shall we?”

His apprentice eagerly accepted, hoping that it would help him to take his mind off Luka’s departure. Sadly, the complete opposite happened. He didn’t manage to cast one spell right and all his potions ended up ruined because he couldn’t concentrate on what he was doing, not when he was too busy mourning those few days he would spend without Luka.

The magician didn’t get mad at him for his failures, though, always staying kind and patient. This gentleness didn’t help Gareth at all. The more perfect Luka was, the less he wanted to let him go away.

That night, for the first time, it was him who clinged onto Luka and not the other way around. At one point, he started crying, but he made sure to stay silent so it wouldn’t wake up his friend. He hated this, hated himself for wishing for more when Luka had already given him so much. However, he couldn’t help but notice small details, like how well Luka small body fitted in his arms, or how his smell, a sweet combination of different herb scents, made Gareth lose his mind.

In the morning, they both dressed up in silence, not knowing how to say their goodbyes. It was only when Luka was standing outside the door of the tower, a bag thrown over his shoulder, that Gareth found his words again.

“Are you sure you have everything you need? Maybe you should check a second time, I wouldn’t want you to lack food during your travel or…”

“Calm down, Gareth, it’ll be alright. I’m used to traveling on my own, I know how to take care of myself, trust me. I’ll also stop by Ante’s inn before leaving the region, if by then I realize that I’m missing something he will help me with it. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”

“Still, be careful, okay? The roads are dangerous, and you’re small and I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you…”

On another day, Luka would have gotten angry because of the comment about his height. However, he knew that Gareth didn’t mean to hurt him and that he was only speaking out of worry for him.

“Of course, I’ll be prudent, I promise. I packed a few invisibility potions just in case, if it can reassure you. Now, I need to leave before it gets too late, I wouldn’t want to travel by night. Goodbye Gareth, I swear I’ll be back so- Oh!”

Luka let out a gasp of surprise when Gareth engulfed him in a tight, almost painful hug. He couldn’t see the tears threatening to roll down his friend’s cheeks, but he heard them in his voice.

“Goodbye, Lukita. Please, come back quickly.”

When Gareth released him, Luka simply nodded. He knew that if they exchanged any more words, he would change his mind and stay here with Gareth, maybe forever. But he knew he had to leave, for both their sakes. So he stepped away and began his travel without looking back, his magician hat on his head.

For Gareth, those few days without Luka were a real torture. He forced himself to go out in town, to take future commands from Luka’s friends, because he would have gone crazy by spending all his time alone in the tower. The whole place screamed of Luka’s influence and it felt incredibly weird to be there without his teacher. Was it how Luka felt every day, remembering this place when other people lived in it and regretting the old times? If yes, Gareth made the silent promise to help his friend to feel less lonely in here when he would come back.

He worked hard so Luka would feel proud of him, too, but nothing really managed to fill the void left by his friend’s absence. At night, he wasn’t plagued by nightmares about his past anymore, but he would dream that he was happy, holding Luka in his arms while the smaller man smiled happily at him, only to wake up to an empty bed.

He quickly started counting the days, and he got angry at himself when he realized he had forgotten to ask Luka how long his trip would be. He quickly became more and more paranoid, fearing the worse for his friend. He realized that Luka didn’t tell him where he was going as well. That stressed him out even more. He started asking Luka’s friends if they had any idea of where he was supposed to go, but none of them knew. This time, he really panicked when he understood that if something bad happened to Luka, no one knew where to search for him.

Once he realized that, Gareth’s nights became even worse. He would wake up in sweat, his mind filled with images of Luka being attacked by thieves, dragons or even other magicians. Even preparing potions and cleaning the tower didn’t help anymore to take his mind off those dark thoughts. He really thought he was going crazy when he finally heard someone knocking on the door of the tower.

He tried to contain his hopes so he wouldn’t be too disappointed. Maybe it wasn’t Luka, maybe it was only a customer coming here to ask for a special potion and…

He opened the door. Luka was there. Gareth jumped into his arms and started crying into his shoulder.

“You’re back! You’re back!”

“Wow, calm down. It’s okay, Gareth, I’m here. I’m here…”

Luka wrapped his arms around him and started caressing Gareth’s back, keeping the motion up until his friend’s breathing evened down. His apprentice didn’t let go of him though, almost as if he feared Luka would disappear the moment he would release him.

“I was beginning to think that… That something bad happened to you… That you would never come back… I was so worried, you have no idea…”

“I promised you I would come back, though, didn’t I? I’m fine, Gareth. Nothing bad happened to me.”

“I know, I’m sorry for doubting you, but I… I don’t know what I would do if you were to disappear. You mean so much to me, Luka.”

“Shh, no need to get all sentimental now. Will you please stop crying? There’s something I need to show you.”

“Please, just let me hold you… Just a few minutes more…”

“Alright, but then you really to come and see the surprise I have in store for you.”

Gareth nodded his agreement, basking in the warm feeling of holding Luka in his arms. They stayed like that for a bit longer, but then Luka gently pushed him away, to his disappointment.

“I know you’re happy to see me, but I’m sure you’ll thank me later for this, trust me.”

Luka sounded impatient and he took Gareth’s hand in his to guide him a few meters away from the tower. His apprentice followed him obediently, not knowing what to expect. However, he stopped in his tracks, frozen, when a man he knew way too well appeared in front of him.

“M… Marce?”

“Gareth!”

His old friend didn’t waste any second and pulled him into a strong hug. Luka took a step back so he wouldn’t get in the way, although a part of him couldn’t help but be jealous when he saw how happy Gareth looked. He tried to shut it down as best as he could. Gareth deserved to meet people from his old life, at least so he could forgive himself. Even if it meant that he might abandon Luka to go with them.

“How can you be here? I… I thought you were dead! I though… I thought I had killed you!”

“Sorry Gaz, getting rid of me isn’t that easy!” The other man laughed, but he couldn’t hide his eyes, shining with tears.

“Why did you come here? Wait, did the people of the council ask you to look for me so they would make me pay for my crimes?” Gareth asked, suddenly tensed.

“What crimes? Don’t say stupid things! You’re not guilty of anything! We were all so happy when your magician friend arrived and told us you were alive and safe! All these years, we’ve been looking for you, Gaz!”

“Don’t act as if you don’t know what I’m talking about, Marcelo. I killed our friends! And I almost killed you too…”

The other man blinked, startled, then he put a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re not making any sense, Gareth. You didn’t kill anyone.”

“Of course, I did! When I turned into that dragon, I did so much damage…”

“Only material damages, Gaz. We still don’t know how you managed to do that, but even though the building was ruined, we were all unscathed. Not even a scratch. Maybe you don’t remember it, but you made sure that all of us were safe before you ran away to escape the city guards, before we explained to them who you really were. No one died because of you. I’m here to tell you that you can come back home whenever you want to.”

“Wait, so you traveled all the way from here just to see me?”

“Yep. What else did you expect of me?”

This time, Gareth couldn’t keep his tears in anymore. He started sobbing loudly and Marcelo wrapped an arm around his shoulder, all the while telling him that it was alright, that his struggles were over now, that he was welcome to come back to his family.

As he watched the scene from afar, Luka wanted to cry too, but for completely different reasons.

Gareth spent the whole day catching up with this friend, but once it got dark Marcelo decided to go find a place to sleep in the city rather than stay in the magician’s tower. His friend was a little surprised, but once they were alone, Luka quickly explained why to him.

“You don’t seem to know the history of this city well, but your friend does. There was a war here, a long time ago. During that time, magicians and all those who helped them were killed. I was a kid at the time, just a young apprentice, but thankfully I managed to escape. Many were not that lucky. Since then, superstition say that magician towers are haunted because of what happened back then. Marcelo saw his best friend being turned into a dragon, I understand that he doesn’t want to mess with magic.”

“But wait, so that trip of yours… You went to my hometown?”

Luka sighed and sat down at their shared table, hoping Gareth wouldn’t get mad at him. Maybe today would be the end of their friendship, but it was now or never.

“Yes. I’m sorry for not telling you, but I didn’t want to give you any false hope, just like I couldn’t take you with me in case you were right about people there wanting to kill you. Instead, they almost jumped at me out of happiness when I told them you were alive. They care about you, Gareth. I would understand if you… If you decided to go live with them.”

“Wait, so you mean you don’t want me here anymore? I thought… I thought I was your apprentice!”

Luka shook his head, taking his time to choose his next words wisely.

“Of course you’re my apprentice, Gareth, and I would like nothing more than for you to stay here. But I fear you might change your mind about it.”

“Why? Why would I change my mind about staying here and learning from you? I’ve never been more happy than since I’ve met you, Luka. Also, going back to my hometown could be dangerous. The person who gave me that necklace could still be lurking around and…”

“That’s not a problem anymore. I’ve talked about it with Marcelo and that person was found, arrested and put into jail right after you were forced to escape the city in your dragon shape. There’s nothing keeping you from going back there anymore.”

“You mean, apart from the fact that I like it here. So come on, tell me why I could possibly change my mind about living here?”

“Because of this.”

Before Gareth could say anything, Luka stood up and got on his tiptoes, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s neck so he could kiss him. For a second, Gareth stayed still, caught by surprise, but the second he got back to his senses he kissed him back with all the strength he could muster. His arms found their way around Luka’s waist and he lifted him off the ground. The small magician immediately wrapped his legs around him so he wouldn’t fall, all while attacking Gareth’s lips with his, days of pent-up tension finally being released.

“I wanted you do to that for so long… You have no idea…” Gareth gasped all while admiring Luka, his Luka who was so beautiful with his lips red and sore from their make-out session.

“Me too, but I feared… I feared you would hate me.”

“Nonsense. How could I ever hate someone as perfect as you?” He replied before joining their lips again.

Luka giggled in happiness and Gareth took him to their bedroom, just so they could cuddle in peace without having to worry about his arms giving out and dropping his boyfriend on the floor. The magician wrapped himself all around him, clingy as ever. However, there was still one question he needed an answer to.

“Tell me, Gareth, do you plan on… Returning to your hometown?”

“Well, I guess a trip there couldn’t hurt. I might get unnecessarily emotional upon meeting my old friends though, I’m warning you.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Do you think about settling there… Permanently?”

“Oh, my Lukita, you don’t have to worry about this. I thought I made this clear enough: My home is here, with you. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to stay here out of obligation or…”

Gareth shut him up with a gentle peck on the lips, one hand caressing Luka’s cheek.

“I love you, Lukita. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

“I love you too. Damn, I love you so fucking much.” Luka cried out, tears of joy running down his face as Gareth held him close to his chest once more, leaving small kisses all over his cheeks.

In the end, they both traveled to Gareth’s hometown, as they escorted Marcelo on the way back. Luka learned to warm up to the man, now that he wasn’t fearing that he would take Gareth away from him together. Once they arrived in the city, a warm welcome expected them. Luka was celebrated like some kind of hero for bringing Gareth back and it only got worse when he revealed that they were dating.

They couldn’t stay for long, though. As Luka pointed out, he couldn’t leave his own city without a magician. His friends needed him ready to help and protect them. Gareth’s goodbyes to his friends were full of tears, but he promised them he would come back to visit whenever he would find enough time for this.

Once they came back to the tower, they settled into a calm, easy life. Actually, they realized that all this time, they had more or less been acting like a dating couple already, aside for the kissing and making out part, of course. That realization made them both laugh when Luka pointed it out.

Day after day, Gareth kept on learning more about magic, spells and potions, even though he quickly abandoned the excuse of being Luka’s apprentice. He wasn’t doing this for the knowledge itself, but just so he could spend as much time as possible with his lover, and see that happy spark in Luka’s eyes when he showed interest towards what he was doing.

His boyfriend was still a workaholic though and more than once Gareth would wake up to a small notes left on his bedside table, only to find Luka in his lab, brewing more potions. This morning was different, though. He found him working at his desk, papers spread all over him and an upset look on his face.

“Is something wrong, Lukita?” Gareth asked him, walking behind the chair so he could start massaging his shoulders.

His boyfriend let out a soft satisfied gasp, but that wasn’t enough to dissipate all his concerns.

“Yes, something is wrong! It’s that damn insurance! I need to pay even more than last year, supposedly because a magician’s tower is ‘a potential threat to the community’! No incident have happened here for decades, but somehow people still expect this tower to spontaneously take fire, or to explode or I don’t what else! Why do I have to pay so much money when nothing ever fucking happens here! I mean, look at Sime and Dejan! They’re alchemists, they’re the ones who blow up things all the time, but do they have to pay insurance? No, and this is fucking unfair!”

“Well, I don’t want to upset you, but I don’t think that’s completely true.”

“Yeah, really? Then maybe you can tell me why!”

“I don’t know, maybe because you’re the kind of person who wouldn’t hesitate before welcoming a former dragon into your tower? Just imagine if I had been a fearsome beast, using a disguise to trick you just so I could wreck havoc onto the city?” Gareth mused, leaning down so he could start putting small kisses on Luka’s neck.

Luka threw his head back, exposing his collarbone to give his lover a better access, closing his eyes as he slowly forgot about the paperwork in front of him.

“Yes, I must admit you have a point… Good thing I managed to seduce that handsome monster before he decided to attack innocent people, though.” Luka purred, his eyes silently challenging his boyfriend.

“Oh, I’m sure he’s way too addicted to you by now to do anything that you would disapprove.” Gareth laughed before gently uniting their lips. Luka moaned into the kiss, slowly getting all worked up as one of Gareth’s hand went to run over his thigh.

Luka didn’t manage to resist him for long though. He stood up and sat on the desk, gripping Gareth’s shirt to pull him closer. Once it was done, he wrapped his legs around him, forcing him to get closer until their hips met. It was Gareth’s turn to let out an aroused whimper as Luka dragged him down to steal another kiss from him.

“Can I know what you’re trying to do, my beautiful magician?”

“Me? Nothing. I’m just paying insurance. But it’s such a hassle, I wouldn’t mind some help…Maybe you could join me in this?” Luka faked innocence, all while working on removing Gareth’s shirt.

“Well, if you insist…” His lover laughed, before pushing him into the desk and ravishing his lips once more.

For once, Luka was the one staying late in bed while he had sent Gareth out in the city so he would bring him back some ingredients. He rolled up in bed when he heard his lover climbing up the stairs, stretching like a cat. He wasn’t wearing anything except for a too big shirt, one that belonged to Gareth.

“Luka, you need to hear this!” Gareth exclaimed the moment he stepped into the room.

He had an amused look on his face, which immediately intrigued Luka. The magician was a little upset when Gareth started walking around in the room, a hand on his mouth to muffle his snickering, instead of joining him in bed, but he decided to let it slide.

“Come on, tell me what is so funny.”

“The people of the city, they think… They think the tower is haunted!”

This news didn’t please Luka. He frowned, crossing his eyes in a stern gesture.

“My tower, haunted? What the hell are they thinking? I’m a respectable magician, I would know it if my tower was haunted, thank you! Why did they imagine something like…”

“You don’t understand, Luka. They think the tower is haunted because of the noise.”

“The noise? What noise? Oh wait, you mean…”

“Yes.”

Luka’s cheeks turned red and he hid his hand between his hands while Gareth chuckled, a teasing grin on his face.

“Shut up, this isn’t funny! It’s embarrassing.”

“What, did I upset my pretty little ghost?”

“Stop it!”

Luka threw himself at Gareth, tickling him so he would stop making fun of him. The taller man fell into the bed, giggling as his lover kept attacking him, keeping him prisoner under his strong thighs.

“Luka! Please stop, I give up! I’ll stop talking about this, I swear!”

Just for good measure, Luka kept going at it for a few minutes, then he released Gareth. His lover was breathing heavily, completely spent.

“That was cruel of you.” He let out, but his smile told Luka he wouldn’t hold it against him.

“You started teasing me first. You should have expected this.”

“Okay, okay, I admit it. Just no more tickling, please.”

“Only if you behave.” Luka warning, settling comfortably, his head on Gareth’s chest. “Could you gather all the ingredients we will need for tonight’s potions?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t want to disappoint you.” Gareth answered, kissing Luka’s hair reverently.

He also gently caressed Luka’s side and his lover almost fell like falling asleep again. There was nothing that he loved more than these little domestic moments spent with Gareth. He felt so at ease he decided it was time for him to evoke something that was always on his mind lately.

“You know, I’ve been thinking a lot, those last few weeks, and I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be time for me to take an apprentice.”

“What, am I not good enough for you anymore?” Gareth asked, poking his cheek.

“Gaz, you and I both know that you’ve never been a regular apprentice. It’s just… I heard two orphan children arrived in the city a few days ago and they have nowhere to go. So I was wondering if…”

“Wait a minute… You want us to adopt children? You want to raise children with me?”

“Yes? I mean, we can talk about it. I would understand if you refused, or if you wanted to wait for a little longer before making that decision…”

“Lukita, please listen to me. I would love to have children with you. And to know that you trust and love me enough to suggest this… It means the world to me.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. Now go put some clothes on. We won’t take these children off the streets by staying in bed all day.”

Luka immediately jumped to his feet and put on clothes so fast that Gareth couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. Once he was done, he took him in his arms and planted an affectionate kiss on his forehead.

“I’m sure you’ll make an amazing dad, my Lukita.”

“Yeah, maybe, but before that we’ll have to talk to Suba, to make sure that it’s legal for us to take care of those children. What if the city won’t let me adopt them because I’m a magician? A thousand things could still go wrong and…”

“Luka, everybody loves you here and know what a kind man you are. I’m sure there will be no problem. And if Suba asks about your tower being haunted, I’ll just tell him that…”

“You won’t tell anything about that, you big, stupid dragon!” Luka shrieked, but Gareth only laughed, ruffling his hair.

“Of course I won’t, I was only messing with you. Calm down, it will be alright. I trust in you. Are you ready to go?”

When Gareth offered him his hand, Luka accepted it without hesitating a single second. They left the tower together, ready to face this together.

They stayed out until nightfall, but when they came back with Gareth carrying a sleepy little girl in his arms and Luka holding the hand of a small boy, they knew a new life was about to start for them. The magician couldn’t stop smiling when he looked at his new family. Finally, Gareth and him did end up cleaning another room of the tower, and when he tucked their children into bed that night, he thought that ignoring Suba’s order to stay inside the city on the day he met his boyfriend had been the wisest decision of his life.

Taglist: @esparafuso @smolmandzo @puolendollarinonni @arduango @sejan-is-love @ante-ray-bitch @winters-chiid @pachua

[nolongerapileofashprobably]

Fates Cruelty

The soft green glow lit up Zelda’s face, pulling her from her sleep. Here eyes adjusted to the darkness quickly, though her focus was solely on the orb of light above her. A firely? No, she has seen sunset fireflies before, and this was not one of them. Her lips parted with realization, the excitement brushing off any sleep that clung to her mind. Now awake, Zelda slowly go up, careful not to wake her mother or the draw the attention of the knights protecting their camp.

Her mother turned in her sleep, causing Zelda to stop and watch her carefully. With no more movement, besides the slow rise of her mother's chest, Zelda continued her way towards the light. It had begun to move away from their camp, with Zelda not far behind. Somehow, she didn't catch anyone's attention; the thought making her heart race with excitement.

She wished she had a camera with her, so she could document this rare find. It wasn't just any day someone would find a fairy. Legend says they only appear to those who have a pure soul. The mere indication made her giddy. Then again, what harm can a six year old princess do anyway?

Distracted by the fairy, Zelda didn’t notice the movement back at the camp. She didn’t see the ambush, not while she was focused on getting the fairy to land on her outstretched hand. As the fairy slowly made its way down to her palm, her name was cried out, the voice desperate to know if she was okay.

Startled, Zelda whipped around, seeing nothing in the pale moon light. She heard grunts and screams, but never the voice that sang her lullabies at night. She never heard that voice again.

Instead, she had stood petrified as the wind blew around her. Slim figures darted around her; only one of them stopping in their paths to look at the young girl. She was lucky, since whoever it was deemed her unworthy of their time.

The fairy had rested itself on her shoulder, as though it’s presence could calm her terrified mind. She stood in that spot for hours, until she heard horses in the distance. Then, she slowly crept back towards the camp. Zelda didn’t know what was going to happen when she got there. All she knew is that something was terribly wrong.

Guards rushed to her, the familiar sign of Hyrule calming her slightly. These were friends. These were the people who she could trust.

She called out for her mother, her confusion growing as the guards hurried her over to a carriage. There was no answer, so she shouted for her mother again, this time earning looks of pity.

Zelda didn’t understand why these guards were keeping her from her mother. She didn’t know why they were talking about her father. When she arrived at the castle, it was the first time she had seen it without any of the torches lit. The sight frightened her, making her call out for her mother once more.

It was then that her father came to her, within the foyer.

It was then Zelda was told her mother was not going to come back.

—————————————————————

Ten years later, Zelda was furiously scribbling down her lastest discovery in her journal. She had finally cross referenced a traveler’s rumor with ancient texts and was able to pinpoint the possible location of a fairy fountain. Perhaps then her questions will be answered.

However, she needed the old trade route map to specify the exact coordinates, which was currently in her father’s possession. She sighed, placing the text onto the counter before getting up.

She prayed to the Goddess Hylia that her father was not in his study. Last time she tried to get something from him, he had lectured her on how she was wasting her time with pointless scholar readings. She had gotten what she wanted, but her own time was wasted with his speech about how she was wasting her time. The irony was entertaining, however.

Silence answered her knocks and shouts, letting her open the door with a breath of relief.

Zelda closed the door behind her, heading to her right once it was back in it’s frame. She knew her father kept the maps in the bottom right drawer, so she just had to hope he wasn’t using the specific one she wanted. Kneeling, Zelda pulled the handle of the desk drawer, revealing multiple scrolls and journals.

“When will you organize your research, Father?” She questioned aloud, as she pulled out multiple scrolls. “All I need is The Siela Route, or at least a map that includes the outskirts of Kankiro Village.”

She continued to mutter about her father’s messy study, when a scroll blocked her view.

“Wha-?” She began, confusion settling in as she saw who was holding the scroll.

He was a boy her age, light brown hair accompanied by startling blue eyes. He gestured for her to take the scroll, but Zelda couldn’t take her eyes off him.

How long has he been there? Why was he here? Who was he?

The questions bounced in her mind as the boy waved the parchment in front of her again. She numbly took it, with whispered questions falling from her lips.

“How...?” She managed to ask, unrolling the paper to reveal the Siela route. She spotted a distinct Circle not decorated with trees at the bottom left corner of the map. Zelda would bet her crown that that was a Great Fairy Fountain.

“It- it has the location,” She said softly, looking up at the boy. “Thank you, but I have to ask who you are. It’s not everyday I find a stranger in my father’s study, nor finding him holding the exact map I needed.”

Because Zelda was far too distracted by the boy, she didn’t notice her father coming in.

“That is Link, Zelda.” He spoke, his voice low with annoyance. Her father’s presence caused Link to kneel quickly, her attention drawn to him before she focused on her father. “Why are you in my study?”

She quickly put her arms behind her hiding the scroll from view as she stood up. “I wanted to ask you about the Ancient Hateno Lab. I read in a text about Mother’s research there and I wanted to see if I could journey there. Only because Mother always told me she put lessons in her journals for me when I grew up and started to take on a larger role in the kingdom.”

Her father’s eyes narrowed, suspicion creeping onto his features. “I know about your mother’s guides. For once I’m surprised you have a good idea that will help you in the real world, not the past one. You can journey to Hateno, so long as you take Link with you.”

“What?” She asked, bewildered. She looked at the kneeling boy then back to her father. “Why would I take him with me?”

Her father raised a brow. “Because he’s your newly appointed knight, as of ten minutes ago.”

“What?” She protested loudly, before she composed herself since he was kneeling right next to her. “Why didn’t you tell me you were assigning me a bodyguard? Didn’t you think I had a right to know? Or had a right to be at the ceremony?”

“Now, now, Zelda,” he told her calmly, holding a hand out for her to come towards him. She did so reluctantly, allowing him to place his hand on her shoulder. “We both know that a bodyguard and a knight are two different standards of duties. And this should not be a surprise to you. We both know the Yiga’s clan has increased their interference with our scouts. Your role as the heir to the throne means you must go out and interact with the citizens of Hyrule. Therefore, you must have someone with you at all times to protect you, if any of our enemies decide you are an easy target.”

“So I’ve been assigned a baby sitter.” She clarified with an eye roll. “Wonderful. Well, alright.”

Zelda turned back to Link, who was still patiently kneeling. “Come with me, Link. I have a route planned already. You’ll just have to prepare for a day or so’s journey.”

She made her way out of the study quickly, moving her arms in front of her, so the scroll was still blocked by her body. She assumed Link got up, as she heard her father dismiss him. His footsteps were slightly harder for her to hear, so when she turned to see where he was, she was startled to find him a few feet away.

She turned around quickly, avoiding his stare as she walked back towards her study. His silence was something that did not escape her notice. She wished he would speak, say something, instead of just carefully watching in the background.

“Do you know of Kakariko Village?” She asked, glancing back just in time to see him nod. “We will be stopping there on our way to Hateno Village, just to stock up on supplies and rest the horses. It’s only a half day journey, so if we leave at sunrise tomorrow we can get there before noon.”

She opened the door to her study, setting the map on her desk before she turned towards Link. He had stopped in the doorway, his gaze sweeping the room before settling on the princess in front of him.

“I want you to know that I do not need the protection my father says I do.” She told him, her tone stern so her words would stick. “I do understand you swore to protect me, but I do not need someone trailing me wherever I go. So, I’m releasing you from your oath. You can accompany me for long trips, to appease my father, but you do not need to follow me everywhere. Am I clear?”

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she could sense his confusion.

“I’ll take it you at least understand what I am saying,” She said harshly, turning around to pick up the map. “You are dismissed.”

Zelda didn’t turn back, instead she hoped he listened to her words. She began to switch between the three texts in front of her and confirmed that the small clearing was her best bet. It was only slightly outside of Kakariko Village’s border, so she was sure she could slip past everyone and investigate the spot by herself.

Link would probably at little more attenative than any of her previous guards, but she was sure she could find some way to have him distracted. Perhaps she could call on an old friend to talk his ear off, if she still resides in Kakariko Village.

Zelda continued to read up about Great fairy Fountains, so she could be fully prepared if she did indeed find the one in question. She had some money stashed away, so she would have to be sure to take it with her. Apparently, travelers must pay the fairy for her to help them. A small price for the fairy’s help, she guessed.

It wasn’t until late that Zelda thought it best to turn in, since she should at least get some sleep before her journey. She picked up the map, rolling it up as she walked out of her study. The cool air greeted her as she walked through its threshold with the moon illuminating the pathway.

Before she could make it across the small bridge, she saw a figure sitting on the ground by her door. Link had his back against the door frame, seemingly waiting for Zelda to come out of her study.

His presence infuriated her, and coupled with her crankiness from the late hour, she was fuming.

“Why are you here?” She questioned, her tone cruel as she crossed her arms. Unbothered by her anger, Link got up, moving to the side so he wasn’t blocking her door in any way.

I thought I made it clear that I do not need you to protect me,” She continued hotly. “Within these walls, I am well protected without you waiting for me like a dog. I know you don’t like to speak, but is listening really that hard for you?”

Zelda detected the trace of a frown growing on Link’s face, but he merely averted his eyes as he reached from something in his pack. Pulling it out, she recognized the ancient symbol that decorated most of her study texts. He held it out for her to take, something she did with a wary expression. Her anger faded into curiosity as she read the title ‘A Guide to Dealing with Fairies’.

“How did you know...?” Her words trailed off as she watched Link begin to move away. His movements were still too quiet for her to register if she wasn’t paying attention. His figure disappeared as he walked into the corridor.

All he wanted to do was to give me the book, Zelda realized. She thought about apologizing to him when they set off tomorrow, until she realized with horror that he might now even show up because of how she acted. Her father would be furious, plus Link would have even more reason to despise her.

Not only was she a princess who wanted nothing to do with ruling Hyrule, but she was rude, unforgiving, and selfish. Being a knight, Zelda knew Link had an undying loyalty to the throne and the royal family. But who would want to follow a Queen that isn’t interested in being a Queen? The answer was simple; no one.

As she finally got around to going to bed, she wondered if there was even the slightest chance she could mend the bridge she had already started to burn. Zelda wasn’t even one day in to having an appointed knight and she made him hate her already.

[anneesfolleshq]

Bonjour et bienvenue! Paris welcomes you, our Assassin,  Margot Clarisse Lachapelle! May we say, you’re the spitting image of Ruth Negga! Please make your presence known within 24 hours, and do have a look at our checklist before setting out into the city on your own.                                                                                 À bientôt!

MUN

Name/Alias: Pooh

Preferred Pronouns: She/her

Age: 18

Timezone: GMT+2, I’ll mostly be on in the afternoons and you can expect me to be most active during weekends.

MUSE

Chosen Skeleton: The assassin

Muse Name: Margot Clarisse Lachapelle

Muse Age: 34

Chosen FC: Ruth Negga

Muse Occupation: Unassuming florist by day, deadly assassin-for-hire by night

Muse Affiliation & Frequent Haunts: If asked which side of the Seine she prefers, Margot would say her loyalty lies in neither. You’d think a life spent in Montmartre would make her biased fort he right bank. In truth, Margot migrates between both. She doesn’t refrain from traveling to Montparnasse when the night falls, searching for some entertainment, some distraction, or simply because her current assignment demands so of her. Margot can frequently be seen at The Blue Lotus, the Moulin Rouge, the street market, Le Ciel, L'Enfer and Parc Montsouris.

Direct from Le Petit Journal: The streets of Paris are graced once again with the return of Mademoiselle Lachapelle! The Great War has forced her family to seek refuge in the beautiful mountains of Switzerland, in one of their many chateau’s no doubt. However, Margot Lachapelle returns alone to the studio apartment in Montmartre. Could trouble be brewing? Recently, Mademoiselle Lachapelle has taken up a position as a florist at the Au Printemps flower shop, providing further evidence of financial issues. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, dear readers! Who knows what secrets hide behind the piercing gaze of this high-society dame…

BIOGRAPHY

Margot Clarisse Lachapelle is old money. Born into the very upper-crust of Parisian society, her life is expected to be one without hardships. She is a lively child, barely standing still when her mother attempts to tie the perfect bow on her dress. The fire-cracker that is the little girl is challenged by horseback riding and, at the recommendation of her uncle, archery. Her mother dons a frown whenever her daughter returns from practice. A young lady should under no circumstances be holding a deadly weapon in her hands. It is in place. Margot persists. She is bright, so her teachers said. Private school for the elite is temporary, a fleeting experience. After she graduates, Margot is expected to find a suitor and wed.

Margot never finds a man, and her father suspects the private school gave her one too many ideas. No matter how many young gentlemen are sent to win over the lady’s heart, all return defeated. What is this woman doing that frightens so many young men? Discussing current political events? Expressing her frustration with her tutor, her wish to go to a real university? Gushing over the joys of running and subtly inviting the other to a football match? Most likely, it is all of the above. »You are a woman,« her mother tells her. »Your only concern should be to find a husband. You cannot study. You cannot play sports.« Margot spits back words of pure fury and the two do not speak until her mother pitches another wealthy bachelor to her. She plays her game, for a while. She never fully accepts her faith as merely an heir to the Lechapelle fortune, but she tries anyway. She’s fed up after meeting men who visibly cringed at her wish to perhaps one day pursue a career.

Her mother stops trying soon after Margot stops giving a damn. She’s reading too many books and skimming over too many articles for her tastes. Attempts of a conversation about the arms race fall on deaf ears and Margot wonders how dead she is to her mother already. Then comes the declaration of war. Suddenly, her mother has to pay attention to politics. They’re packing before she knows it, yet Margot puts up a resistance. Cowards, her parents are. Cowards, running away to safety, to Switzerland, when their country needs them the most. After heated arguments that leave Margot with a sore throat each time, she stays. Stays and watches men in herds leave the comforts of their home to defend it. They carry their bayonets and kiss their lovers goodbye and how Margot wishes she could go with them. To fight the Germans and those who threaten them. To defend France. But yet again, her mother’s words echo in her mind: you’re a lady, you’re a lady.

Marcel Lachance joins the army at 25. He’s the butt of all jokes when it comes to facial hair, his inability to grow a beard. His dark curls are crudely chopped off, peeking out slightly from under his helmet. He never removes his shirt in front of his fellow soldiers. His chest is bound, after all, hiding the lady of Lachapelle. But what Marcel lacks in masculinity, he makes up for on the field. He notoriously never misses a target. A natural born sharp-shooter, he impresses others with his calm hands and impeccable aim. His bravery is to be envied, his morale twice as much. He is hailed as an excellent soldier. He finally feels a sense of belonging. However, what most don’t notice is how he grits his teeth, how he clutches his gun so hard his knuckles turn white. The shaking of his form whenever the trenches are attacked, though to be fair, it’s a minuscule detail in those times. The excellent soldier is afraid, petrified, yet he persists. He remembers everything. The screams of his comrades, the blood that flows like a river through the war-stricken field. The hollow looks of shell-shocked soldiers he regarded as friends.

The scenes replay in his mind after they send them home. After he becomes she again and the uniform is stored in the back of her closet. Everyday life is a foreign concept to the war veteran. She gets a job at a flower shop. Sure, it’s not the career of her dreams, but it is standing up to her mother, fulfilling the wish of pre-war Margot. And she has to pay rent somehow. But she feels it inside, the dullness of everyday life, the yearning to march out and defend once again. Her wish to return to the glory days. She scolds herself each time. War brought devastation. Why on earth would she want to go back? No, stay here, smile as all the others do, prepare bouquets, do not think about it. It becomes routine: wake up bright and early, have breakfast, go to the flower shop, work, return in the evening and wonder how long until you completely lose your mind. Or perhaps, how much more appropriate it would have been for Margot to die in the battlefield. She wants adrenaline to pump through her veins once again, to feel as if she belongs. She needs it.

Her saving grace is her former fellow soldier, one of the very few that knew Marcel to be Margot. He finds her one night, hunched over a bar with empty liquor glasses keeping her company, a pile of misery. Dragging her home is a challenge. Margot is a giggling fool one moment and a screamer, crier and barely a person in the next. She tries to sleep with him, he politely declines. »You’ll drink yourself to death,« he remarks. Margot scoffs in return. »It’s what’s keeping me alive.« The desperation in her voice is clear despite her slurred words. At her doorstep, the fellow veteran offers a solution to end her despair. The next night, Margot stands before her jury- well-known mafia bosses are impressed with her marksmanship. Margot feels a sense of pride she hasn’t felt in a long time. They’ll pay her, they say. Equip her with the proper firearms and teach her the necessary skills. All she has to do is kill.

It’s nothing personal. For the right price, anyone will be her target. Margot doesn’t count the number of victims. She remains cold to the bloodshed, or at least attempts to. She can’t afford to feel grief or guilt when money’s on the line. When she’s a killing machine. When she’s at war.

POTENTIAL PLOTS/CONNECTIONS

While I’d be absolutely thrilled to interact with every one of the characters in-game (I love how each skeleton has a unique storyline!), I have some ideas for future plots with Margot:

First of all, I’d absolutely love any plots with fellow war veterans. Maybe someone that was in Margot’s battalion and knows Margot was Marcel. They could talk about their experiences and coping with the scars the conflict has left behind. Are they also turning to crime? Or cigarettes or sex or alcohol? Or are they smoothly transitioning into everyday life? Maybe someone that doesn’t know this detail and wonders why Margot is so morbidly curious in their war experiences. It would kill Margot on the inside- wanting to reveal herself as Marcel, but fearing no one would believe her, calling her delusional. Perhaps someone could question her decision to leave for Switzerland, not knowing she stayed behind and defended her country. It’d be quite interesting to explore Margot’s relationship with the war and how it left her with physical and mental scars (is my inner history nerd showing yet?).

Second, any and all plots related to Margot’s work as an assassin are welcomed. What I have in mind is someone who is perhaps a frequent client, someone corrupted and completely into the crime scene. Someone that could challenge Margot to melt away the icy attitude she has towards her job, who’d make her question the morality of her actions.

Third, I’d love for her to have some friends. Women and men that got under her skin, despite her self-reliant, but slightly distant attitude. She wouldn’t even realize it, but suddenly she harbors friendly feelings towards these people and it scares her. Yet she could realize how much she treasures them at the same time and wouldn’t want to let them go. Someone that brings out the free-spirited and energetic side of her would be appreciated, as well as a confidant she could trust with her life.

Finally, perhaps someone that could completely sweep her off her feet. She’s not one to fall in love, nor does she believe anyone would particularly fancy her, but this person could change that. It could even be a simple crush, Margot would definitely try to ignore her feelings, but never quite be able to bury them. But as I’ve said before, I’d love to interact with any and every character in-game. I’m open to any plots and connections for Margot!