#everyday i think abt how crazy it is lol

[yinyuedijun]

Can't believe we live in a world where erotica writers are helping people survive a genocide while world leaders are either capitalising on this (glares at Egypt) or just ignoring.

I can't donate actual money so I'm using the windows reward program to donate points that get converted to money 😭 this is so dystopian 😵

SAME. "dystopian" really is the only word I can use to describe it. world leaders aren't only capitalizing on it or ignoring it but so many governments are designed to force people to perpetuate it (US/UK/Canada etc). in my country you cannot get tax refunds (e.g. redirect government tax dollars) on any charities directly associated with palestine, but they will refund you on donations toward organizations that develop Israeli settlements on stolen land in the west bank. governments are literally disincentivizing donations that will help people in a genocide but here we are on tumblr dot com trying to raise money with our 2d man romance stories lol. literal insanity but you gotta do what you gotta do, every dollar helps. good on you for finding a way to donate despite not having money on hand - you are doing more than a lot of people with much more wealth.

[cowboy-robooty]

not going to name names bc thats messed up but omfg i was tryna find records of old heta fandom shit to show inu right and i found a hetalia iceberg and I SAW MY 2019 OPP ON THERE. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE MY EYES BULGED OUT OF MY SKULL BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN JOKING I HATED THIS BITCH SO MUCH WHEN I WAS 14 AND NGL I STILL HATE HER. I DIDNT SAY NOTHING AND KEPT CURTIOUS AND NORMAL OBVIOUSLY BUT ON THE INSIDE I WANTED HER ASS DEAD EVERYDAY AND WELL... you all know im never in the loop with things and had no fucking clue that she was just the antichrist for an entire group of people lol. SHE WAS MY ANTICHRIST THO. I HATED HER AND SHE HATED ME OKAY AND IM LIKE RODF SEEING HOW SHES ON THE FUCKING HETALIA ICEBERG I WAS LIKE OMG.... I THOUGHT ONLY I FUCKING DESPISED HER

[nightfuryblue19]

man.. i wish i had someone to talk to about this but i either literally cannot say or i dont trust anyone enough

[tearsofcalamity]

ok read it. i am now unbelievably horny that was so good!!!! i just loove the idea of reader being barely awake, seeing aven Existing and going i need that twink destroyed Yesterday.

now bear w me cause while aven was going through the 5 stages of grief in that quest i was going through the infinite stages of horny and Thinking: i want soft sex w him really really bad he'd be my angel my pretty boy my golden little star! but the mf would be SUCH a tease! like he'd love you being gentle but after a while he'd start asking to "please, go rougher" and that he can "handle it" you'd go "no, baby, i want to love you softly" and he shuts up. and then you think he's given up but suddenly he is. all. over. you every second of everyday. he's not letting you do any work, his hand is on your thigh whenever you sit down next to him, he's whispering in your ear abt how good your dick (strap lol) makes him feel while yall are in public. just doing everything in his power to rile you up, so you will finally fuck the brains out of him. and when you finally snap and grab him by the arm and toss him on the bed all rough & furious he is Overjoyed, crazy fucking smile on his face. too bad your plans include taking him apart slowly and painfully, denying his release again and again while calling him all the sweet names under the sun before finally giving him what he's been begging for<3

LORD... LORD HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL ... !!!!!

no listen to me. he's so pent up and eager to have you just bend him in half and fuck him to the point where he's sobbing, he's so confident he can take it just fine. not that he minds you being so gentle with him, it still feels incredible, but he wants to feel what it's like to have your gaze dark with hunger on him as you fuck him into the sheets til he can't even breathe through his sobs.

but hear me out. aventurine can NOT take it. he's soooo sure of himself, doing all that teasing. playing footsie at fancy restaurants where you could easily get caught were he to go further, standing behind you to subtly rut against your back and pant right into your ear about how good it feels, begging you to just palm him just a lil bit, he promises he won't cum yet! no one will notice, he swears!

once you get him on the bed, he's so fucking excited, he can't believe he's actually got you all to himself and he can just tell by the look in your eyes you've got a rough night planned for him. but then you're switching between rough and soft, pinning him down while you jerk him without mercy and bring him to the edge over and over and over. he tries to hold out but he's sobbing and sniveling by the end of it, apologizing for riling you up and being bad in public. he just wants to hear you praise him, have your strap in him, but you won't give him what he wants.

eventually avennie's tears win you over, but you're not going to be gentle tonight. promise him he can cum with you inside him and then just absolutely pound him into the mattress until he's seeing stars. he's choking on every moan, and once you start throwing the petnames into the mix again, he's spurting out his load pathetically onto the sheets.

call him angel, darling, sweetheart, pretty boy, lovely, and don't forget to tell him how good he's being, of course. but don't stop when he cums. he had been begging you all day to be rough with him, to fuck him dumb, right? so don't stop when he finishes, instead, double down and overstimulate him until the pillow he's clutching onto is half-soaked with his tears and drool, until you have to hold his hips upright in order to keep fucking into him and nailing his achey prostate. maybe start jerking him here too, watch him wail into the pillow and thrust his hips back for more pleasure in spite of the overwhelming sensations he's going through...

I can't tell you whether this is gonna make him get more frisky in public to get the same ass ramming next time or if he's going to accept going back to the soft lovin you laved on him before. maybe both

[hijackalx]

*SOME DURGE QUEST SPOILERS*

***NONCON AND DRUG USE MENTIONS***

GORTASH SFW HEADCANONS:

ok to start i think when he was a prisoner his hair got rlly long and unkept and he hateddd it so the minute he escaped he chopped that shit off himself and thats why its so unruly lol (*EDIT he always cuts his own hair is what im sayin)

this man is such a taurus like everything about him screams taurus. has a taurus stellium fosho

would listen to superheaven

hes also sooo jenny by studio killers, disco man by remi wolf, happiness by the 1975 coded with Durge 😩😩

with durge hes also giving bf that ur dad hates but like thats canon. i think he likes that hes able to influence durge to the point that they rebel lol. the type of boy u run away with when ur younger

probably BLASTED jet black heart by 5SOS on repeat when Durge disappeared LMFAOO

also i kind of feel like the fearless buff to his clothing is more an insight to his character rather than him needing magic to not be fearful bcz he literally got the shit beat out of him everyday and lived in HELL how can he not be desensitized to everything at that point 😭😭😭 it does not get much worse than that my boy

hes so thique like hes just a big boned dude. tiddies SO fat too EUGH + thick shoulders/arms. he feels so warm and safe i just know it i just KNOW it gurl

also idk if it was supposed to happen but in my latest playthrough during the fight with him he dropped his bow and just started beating the shit out of us 😭😭😭😭 all hands baby like WHAT 😭😭 so i like to think thats his preferred method of fighting idk if thats canon tho i feel like i seen somebody talking abt that before but mightve just been another hc

occasionally does drugs. likes the ones that make him feel really elated (idk what theyre called in bg3 its some kind of dust or something) ALSO HC THAT HE WAS ON SOMETHING WHEN HE WROTE RHAT FUCKED UP NOTE TO FRANC (WAS THAG HIS NAME U GUYS KNOW THE NOTE) HE WAS OBVIOJSLY TRIPPING BALLSSSSS

lots of body hair…… everywhere……. straight and black body hair. that is so sexy to me let me smell the pheromones in your armpits king LMFAO (i think theres something wrong with me)

going off of rhat yes i think he smells good (DIVINE, even) as a woman that is feral and in heat all the time. but to normal ppl he may smell kind of weird. not STINKY stinky but like when u dont shower and ur natural scent starts to mix with the perfume/cologne ur wearing SORRY 😭😭😭 im trying to be realistic here. or maybe like when u wake up and didnt shower the night before and u can still smell the perfume/cologne u put on yesterday. basically what im saying is he might need to shower

hes just so masculine it drives me crazy I LOVE MEN !!!!!!!!!! I LOVE EEENERM. ME E WN

love language:

giving = lowkey getting acts of service vibes here but u didnt hear it from me 🤫🤐 gift giving too. tav is just his widdle babie and he wants to make sure theyre the happiest they can be 🥺😩

receiving = acts of service LMAO give and get back type of shit

relationship wise i think he is the most doting and sweetest person. like tav will never have to worry abt anything ever again bcz he will handle everything. takes care of them cuz they are his king/queen 😌

GORTASH NSFW HEADCANONS:

yeah going off that last hc he is sweet outside the bedroom but a menace in it. its just the way he is. its probably exhausting too 😩 like if u ask him to be gentler/less intense he will try for a while but probably wont enjoy it as much. he doesnt like to hold back.

i WILL say tho ☝🏻🤨 i think when he gets close to finishing he gets a little more soft/loving. he just has to get his badness out first yall its fine

HIGH libido wants to smash all the time. he also (POSSIBLE NONCON MENTION !!!!!!!) thinks that since ur his u should be willing to give it up whenever he wants it. (NONCON MENTION OVER) i think in the bedroom he sees u as a servant even if ur considered his equal normally. like hes a chosen of bane he has to feel like he has control over u in SOME way

can be selfish depending on his mood. sometimes he doesnt see u as anything other than a toy (lowkey hard for me to admit but i NEVA LIE GIRLS !!!!! 🙅🙅🙅) like can be such a fucking asshole about it too

BUT !!! when he is feeling generous he is soooo generous. EUGH like he will make sure u enjoy urself!!!! probably multiple times !!!!!!!!!!!!

dont know why nobody else has said he has a daddy kink. so obvious like call him daddy ms thing he will nut so hard. oh corruption kink too. like can u imagine Durge being so innocent when they first met cuz they were never allowed to get close to anybody and hes just sooo into it HELLO i got to write that fic NEOW

omg breeding kink too give him heirs. will fuck the shitttt out of u in a mating press. probably comes a lot too almost impossible not to get pregnant with him LMAO

likes to pick u up and fuck u. manhandling king. also will do the faerun equivalent to coke and wants u to do it w him then fuck nasty afterwards

i feel like he doesnt last an extremely long time. 15-20 mins is THE MOST youre getting out of him lol he just gets very excited (which is lowkey kind of cute??)

do i even have to say that this man is packing schmeat. heavy dick. heavy balls. allow me to bear some of that weight for u my liege 🤲🏻🧎

ORIN BONUS ????:

mostly nsfw

ok i didnt originally plan to add orin but listen….. gortash is a charismatic guy….. imagine orin was into him too LISTEN ! like shes jealous asf of Durge in that sense too not just bcz of them being bhaal’s fav. like when i think abt them i just am getting a vibe okay. this trio……..

every time she sees gortash and Durge acting close and doing all their yucky lovesick shit she just gets soooo mad. now imagine she shifts into Durge to get gortash to fuck her. yeah… yall seeing the vision? would he ever find out ?? imagine that was why he hates orin so much?? he doesnt want to tell Durge (cuz thats cheating hes not a cheater duh 🙄 plus hes scared theyll be mad at him) and thats why his explanations as to why he hates orin are so vague

[mxbbadperson]

(au: adult werewolf jayce and teen viktor, viktor is jayce's sugar baby lkjhlkhlkjh tw: underage)

...i think this could be a modern au. bc jayce's sexting game would be UNREAL. viktor is in class and he gets a message, his phone vibrating. when he checks it, it's pictures of a high-end hotel and one of its rooms w/ the bed is so soft, v, i can't wait to fuck you on it. bc jayce's messages are a mix of everyday, normal stuff and sheer horniness. it shocks viktor most of the time that jayce can just type it out and send it.

i wanna kiss you so bad and i wanna taste you so bad and do you like my tongue? i can show you again next time i see you and thinking abt how tight you are, it's driving viktor kinda crazy? what's wrong w/ this man???

jayce sends half naked pictures of himself and viktor furiously deletes each one. he's not thinking abt how hot this man is! that's what got him into this mess!!! and sometimes when jayce misses viktor and is particularly pent up, the voice messages he sends are, frankly, filthy. they're abt how he much he misses fucking viktor while touching himself and viktor deletes those too. after listening to them bc why does jayce send those when he sends completely okay voice messages too!!! viktor is so tired. this man is exhausting

(viktor sends voice messages too. and they're completely normal. stuff abt his tasks and chores and his lessons. but does jayce react to them in a calm way? uh... sometimes lol. bc sometimes jayce jerks himself off to the sound of viktor's voice, not caring if it's every day, normal stuff viktor is talking abt. jayce misses him so much sometimes. misses him so much that it sets his teeth on edge and make him restless)

[prttygrlprobs]

<(>_<) > ….

“i’m still not seeing “results” even though im pure consciousness- what am i doing wrong??”

YOURE GIVING THE ILLUSION YOU CREATED POWER OVER YOU!!!! when has GOD ever let his creations overpower him??? why would he do that?? that makes no sense…the things your human sees with THEIR eyes is THEIR business. (the business that u created i might add) the things your human sees has no meaning or purpose to begin with. they look at a bunch of “colorful blobs” everyday that appear as though they’re there for a reason, but they really aren’t lol.

for example, when they’re at school. all of those textbooks that seem to have an abundance of “un- thinkable knowledge” are just illusions made by you and the knowledge you think “you” know nothing abt is ALSO just you.

isn’t that wild? u literally taught your human how to do everything but yet you still act like you have limits?? you’re simply aware of the “human experience” and that’s quite literally what you’re observing right now. doesn’t mean you’re actually human, so why act like it? WHY are you acting like nothing is in your control- giving validation to BLOBS that u made !!! it’s sounds funny ik but sum of yall really do this n it’s CRAZY… why are u absorbing “feelings” that aren’t real? the ones you created? you keep looking for “answers” like you’re incomplete. my dear, you’re everything. whole. one. you’re a formless void that doesn’t NEED to search. it just is.

:3

[wendytestabrat]

why kyle likes cartman more than stan

i feel like the episodes “raisins” and the YGO/ass burgers two parter RLLY highlighted the difference between stan & kyle as characters. stan is wayyy more pessimistic and cynical than kyle is so this is why stan can get depressed easily and mope around and just throw a huge pity party when he’s sad. like yeah kyle is sensitive AF too and also wears his heart on his sleeve but i feel like kyle copes with his problems more through anger and just lashing out and then he moves on and gets over it after he’s let it all out in the open LOL. kyle doesn’t like sitting with his feelings and having to confront his emotions & shit which is why we don’t ever see kyle sitting around and just crying abt something like stan easily does aside from that time he was crying over that pic of cartman in “skank hunt”. even tho kyle is rlly pissy he’s overall more of a glass half-full person than stan is and tries to be more optimistic & idealistic abt shit (and he acts more like a normal kid too) but we see how in both YGO/ass burgers and raisins how kyle got flat out annoyed with stan for just being depressed & sad abt shit and he was super quick to try to cheer stan up and get him out of that state bc he didn’t like being around that negativity. which was annoying AF how kyle was like forcing his toxic positivity onto stan instead of just letting him feel what he needs to feel smh. but it rlly goes to show how easily uncomfortable kyle can get around other people’s feelings & vulnerabilities. i think this also has to do with his gemini ass bc air signs are rlly detached and get uncomfortable with emotions easily, but geminis ESPECIALLY are the types to just ignore emotions and shit and then try to distract themselves and keep themselves busy by having fun with a bunch of shit to avoid that stuff LOL. so yeah kyle vibes with cartman more bc of this bc cartman is A LOT more similar to kyle in that way than stan. cartman is a total sociopath and he doesn’t like having to get emotionally vulnerable either. cartman also likes to avoid confronting his feelings by doing a bunch of reckless crazy shit, so that’s why kyle was so quick to dump stan as a friend and then replace him with cartman bc kyle views cartman as someone more positive to be around bc of this. even tho cartman is super toxic and negative too but cartman isn’t a moper like stan and he’s more similar to kyle in that he just deals with shit by getting pissed and letting it all out in the open rather than drowning in depression. and i think that’s overall a huge aspect of the kyman dynamic and why it works better than style and why kyle is more intrigued by cartman bc cartman is someone more motivated and energetic like kyle and he’s someone kyle can have fun with that keeps him stimulated and brings excitement into his life. and cartman is a VERY fun, charismatic, positive, & resilient person who doesn’t let challenges weigh him down easily. wheras stan on the other hand is more chill and laid back and can be boring af and yeah kyle doesn’t wanna be around someone who’s just gonna depress him or bore the shit out of him. that’s honestly why kyle is quick to be there for cartman when he’s sad but not stan LOL bc when it happens with cartman it’s more rare to see & surprises kyle wheras with stan it’s like he does this shit everyday so kyle gets sick of that.

[skunkes]

love your art so so much btw like your line weight and fluid shapes are SUCH a huge inspiration like the cute chibis and the more realistic human faces and inbetween like gawdddd... like one of the most unique artstyles i seen and your ocs are so so well fleshed out and real like their personalities :D insane about the little comics of them as little tinsy animals like everyday life LOVE YOUR TRADITIONAL ART SM TOO OMG like the mix of gouache and colored pencils and omgg.. i love traditional art somuch but i havnt done it in a while and seeing your pieces really makesme want to do it more!! also like the way you draw EYES is so insane.. its very inspiring and i love the different eye like stylizations you do itd crazy sorry for long message ijust have been following for a while and i wanted 2 say how much i love your art!!! thankyou :D

THANK U I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH!! I wanna do more trad art so i can get more ppl into it bc i see the light now and do think it can help you bridge connections in your art like neurons in the brain LOL (if u are able to of course). I appreciate comments abt the way i draw eyes bc i struggle with them daily 😭

Tysm!

[helyiios]

I had a dream once that the IMF boys had a tiktok and did the classic tiktok things mid-missions and stuff and I NEED to know you opinion on what their account would be like

Ok so replying to this again. I think Benji Jane and Will are the most online (and let’s indulge and say that it doesn’t cause conflit of interest with the fact they’re secret agents lol)

Benji’s the most popular (2.3M followers) and he posts the randomest most funniest shit on the PLANET. He hardlaunches Ethan with the out of my league trend (13M) despite NEVER mentioning being in a relationship before. He regularly forces Luther and Ethan to do trends w the rest of Hunt’s team, like I can’t find ayesha cuz she’s probably sucking dick/bitch pick up your goddamn phone you’re gonna make me sick where they all are on it w really cool transitions. He likes to talk abt SW or ST or DW a lot and one of his most liked videos (and how some people discovered him) is him replying to a comment that’s like “what’s knotting” and he just stares into the cam while putting one a red nose to a circus music. He posts himself and Ilsa while they’re dressed up for the opera on a mission with like the song fashion in the background and everyone goes crazy. He posts a vid where it’s him and Ethan looking at each other with the baby I’m yours song and it gets like 20M views. He does a transition from him at the gym to him in evening clothes he had to wear for a mission to everyday I spend my time drinking wine feeling fine and he doesn’t EVEN mean to do it as a thirst trap but that’s how it’s received and people are like oh my god…benji. Similarly he makes a post where he details his tattoos (after being asked a buncha times) and he’s shirtless, and everyone’s losing their minds because they’re like YOU HAVE A SIX PACKS? He and Jane post a short dancing vid to cmon let’s get it started lemme see you move your body and it goes goes viral bcs that’s when their respective followers find out they’re friends. He makes a photo post that’s like we’ll be a fine line we’ll be alright with a pic of the first hunts team mission w their latest one, and people ask him if he likes Harry styles and he just goes “who❤️” He does the pabrobui mwah mwah trend w Ilsa while they’re ALSO in a mission in Poland and they’re dressed in very warm clothes and everyone’s like oh my god…I’ve seen two pretty best friends. I genuinely think he’s got a few moves in him so there’s one of his most liked vids where he’s filming himself cooking in his kitchen where he’s barely dancing to busy earnin’ and the vibes are IMMACULATE. He 100% did the ceilings and you with the dark curls you with the watercolour eyes trends. He ALSO forced the entire team to do the benjamin’s deli trend (dancing slowly in the light vs throwing moves in the dark while people put on their phones’ light). He also posts himself during a training sesh to bts’ steve aoki remix mic drop and people are like YOU FUCKING KNOW BTS? and he just goes stan jin👍 he’s also a skilled violin and piano player so sometimes he posts himself playing.

Jane’s account is at 700k and one of her most liked vids is with Ilsa where they’re lipsynching the pam and i feed off each other’s energy. I tease her, she teases me (…) and that’s when people start to get that they’re all mates. She does the bitch you know I’m sexy trend with Will and Benji. She forces Ethan (he lost a dare) to do the you carry yourself with the confidence of a…much taller man trend. She soft launches Ilsa w a video of “24H in my life” (while she’s on break) where you can see glimpse of her gf and her followers go insane trying to figure out who it is. She posts herself and benji where benji’s tied to a repelling cable on a high building and she’s zooming in on him w the never back down never what/never give up audio in the background and people are like what the fuck r y’all doing??? She also is a great dancer so she regularly posts herself to the latest dance trend (she KILLED Angel in Tibet and Back on 74.) Both she and Benji did the okokokok lalala trend w their respective partners. (ilsa’s ok janes lala and ethans lala while benjis okokok)

Brandt (560k) is fucking hysterical bcs you’d think he doesn’t know what fun is and is so serious about literally everything and well. you’d be kind of right. He mostly post himself at the gym and people ask him a lot abt his supplements and his program, things to which is gracefully replies. His most liked video is SO Brandt coded because it’s just him crossed armed at his desk looking into the cam with like, company in the background, which technically qualifies as a thirst trap and everyone’s so confused because they’re like oh my god…I think I’m attracted to office workers. He also posts a lot of him sparring, sometimes w Benji or Jane or Ethan or Ilsa and people go kind of insane about those. He never gets Hunley on cam but once he replies to a comment that’s like “are you free tonight” and he just stares into the cam and pulls hunley’s left hand w the wedding band on it with the audio IM MARRIED in the background. THATS where his followers find out he’s gay and they’re like A WIN FOR THE COMMUNITY. Just like benji he can play the guitar, so sometimes he posts vids of himself playing, either of requested songs or some he likes.

[sugar-omi]

NAHRR NOT THE AS THE WORLD CAVES IN FOR BAXTER i can NOT take that song seriously even though i do think its fitting 😭😭

I LOVE THAT SONG N I WILL PLAY IT EVERYDAY UNTIL I DIE

maybe it'd be more of a anniversary song, or a "us" song 🥲 I think he'd definitely play it n mouth the words to you as you're dancing in your kitchen together, in your 30s <333

I think as your first dance song u might need to pick a different song if you want smth more upbeat tho

eta: OK WAIT I ANSWERED THIS WHEN I WAS GOING OUT THE DOOR BUT IM BACK N I JUST REMEMBERED I WAS FANTASIZING ABT THIS A FEW DAYS AGO

imagine this song as your 2nd wedding song (like how you have your first dance n then the money dance with cove) and this is a bit more somber but the meaning behind it is so beautiful to baxter.

he loves you so much, and idk anything about dance or how to describe it but imagine your bodies are pressed together and it's a bit similar to cinderella, in fact imagine it just like that when she's dancing with the prince for the first time

and your last move is a flourishing step full of spinning and finally one of you dips the other...

if you dip baxter: he's blushing but smiling so wide and he kisses you tenderly

if baxter dips you: he's blushing, and smiling a bit and he says in his smug ass voice. "you dance beautifully darling."

but like i was tryna say, he loves you so much and even if the world did cave in he love you so so much and he wants to spend every last moment with you...

i think growing old and dying together is a very sentimental thing for baxter. he loves the idea of growing old with somebody

(i just wanna say that yes he would bury himself next to you <3 NOT WITH U THOUGH i swear hes not crazy enough to share a coffin lol)

[seraphicloves]

here me out i think im going crazy because its nighttime and today was an ick day from the start

and i havent worked out in three days

but

i dont rlly know how to NOT feel ick when i do i just hope and pray that i dont after a while yk? but when i do i overthink a lot but ik i cant rlly trust that bc im going like stir crazy so i kinda just sit there with it

omg tho i think i js figured it out

i think its junk food bc ive had a lot recently

and ive been complaining abt my face (ik which areas are caused by junk and it goes away when i lay off after a while) but like maybe (idk for sure it could also be because i havent completed much off my mental to do list) maybe the junk food causes the spirals?

i had chocolate yesterday and a half of a cinnamon roll and half of a chocolate croissant today and arizona iced tea almost everyday and chips

mixed in with wtv else this past week that ive forgotten abt

i hope its not the watermelon bc i like watermelon :(

I GOT IM IN A LOW QUALITY PIC HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

GET CLIPPED HAHAH

yo he actually looks kinda scary yk hes not built like that all the time tho youve seen him

hes a handsome bub i want to kiss his forehead and then throw him (but he has superpowers so it doesnt hurt)

hes such a good puppers yk we get to let him out with no leash because he listens? he was sittin on my front porch for the fireworks (we were tryna make him not as scared by exposing him to them bc my mom read online we shouldnt console him a bunch when it comes to that)

^which worked actually he went in himself when it was too loud (so did i LMFAO)

hes got such a fluffy butt too like he should get bitches

LOL HE LOOKS SO FAT IN THAT PIC I CANT

he looks so cute don't hate on him

[slaythespire]

im sorry my tumblr followers who dont know me im mad rn, im just rambling mad under a readmore again thanksss

listen its not that i need to be dating someone im just chilling. in fact rn i would not want to date anyone.

but i HATEEEE HATE seeing people say shit like "You dont need anyone, you should learn to be happy without someone else in ur life! why do you need someone else! just be happy without that!" well damn sue me for wanting someone to deeply love me who i deeply love back!! why is that such a bad thing to want!! obviously if you cant function without being in a relationship that's not good, but people always say that shit to someone going "i feel unlovable and like no one will ever want me" and it feels so meanspirted!! damn!!

its been like almost a year since i got ghosted and i know its annoying to hear people complain abt the same thing over and over again. but its just HARD bcus i feel stupid, and used. i really thought my ex was like, THE person, we talked abt getting married and how we'd combine our last names, abt moving in together, supported each other through everything. when i was in inpatient this person called me almost everyday i was there to say hi and check in on me. i thought my future involved them and then they just dropped me without even an explanation. never in a million billion years did i think that would happen (outside of my bad brain telling me it would, which, well i was right so LOL) bcus they were my best friend of 8 years!!

and its scary bcus it makes me think there must be something wrong with me/"how could anyone ever love me when even the person who dated me for 6 years didnt". and people always say things like "you haven't met everyone who will care about you yet" but what if i have, and my one chance at having a relationship i was so happy in was ruined bcus the other person is a self-obsessed asshole who lied to my face abt so much for who KNOWS what reason. WHATEVER.

i feel like when i make posts like this i come off as an insane person in the "no wonder they broke up with you" way, but i promise im actually normal ive just been very emotionally ripped to shreds by a very bad breakup. barely a breakup bcus it was over TWITTER DM. whatever im just gonna be one of those people that obsesses over fictional characters so much i think were in a relationship.

i just rlly rlly wonder what their reasoning for doing this to me was and if they feel bad abt it. or if they think its funny, or if they just dont care. i also wonder if they think they can just message me one day and apologize and think itll be okay (i dont think this will happen, i used to but i dont anymore)

i lean towards they just dont care, i doubt they even think about what they did lol. i mean i HOPE they feel bad, but i dont think thats true. id be shocked if i ever heard from them again which is just, crazy. 8 years of knowing someone and it ends like that through no fault of your own. i wish i had a screenshot of the break up dm id post it in a heartbeat so anyone who actually read this far would feel whiplash like i do. (filled to the brim with "i love you so much" "i feel horrible for hurting you and i hate that im doing it" "i really care about you" "i hope you stay in my life bcus youre my best friend").

and it makes me really sad bcus OFC we would have stayed friends, i loved them so much that while id be sad abt breaking up i would still want them in my life. (WE EVEN TALKED ABT HOW IF WE BROKE UP WE ALWAYS THOUGHT WE'D STAY FRIENDS). but even in my fantasy world where they reach out after a few years all apologetic and guilty i just couldnt do it anymore.

one more but i don't understand what would compel someone to say all that knowing theyre lying and dont give a fuck about you, like it only comes off as evil and fucked up and cruel to me, so how else am i supposed to take that.

[clowncloud]

hmm as someone who lives in a very minority white society black white race relations can be very interesting. i mean reality is i think unfortunately wherever the ppl are not homogenous there are multiple races there may be racism esp when it's in a british post colonial setting bc tht was their tactic. in my day to day idk yh sometimes i feel the "presence" of race in a situation but most times no i dont think i really do notice it. but in the larger international society racism is portrayed as mainly american and definitely white against black. realizing tht actually if i do move to/visit a majority white society actually yh race(ism) might truly be a culture shock for me. but yh i had to watch jay-z's 2013 picasso baby art performance film for class n it's making me think or race which weird bc it's not at all related to why we're watching it lol. i mean personally i dont know or myb rather remember what i know abt jay-z. but i know he's black he's a rapper he lives in america. im not familair with his lyrical content per se but to me the idea is tht rapping (esp) in america is a strong black culturak marker esp one associated with fighting back even tho i know all raps arent explicitly abt such themes it feels like to an extent american black rappers embody the we fight back black american attitude if tht makes sense. but then the video i deadass feel like the white ppl waiting to see him outnumbered the black which to me feels so crazy in a like what do you know abt jay-z? what do you know abt rap? what do you know about those lyrics? what do you know abt being black? and then it's like actually what do i know about any of those things also? literally less than they do. and he invited specific high profile persons to come into the ring with him a lot of them white. his body guards tpn the cops outside also white. n all im thinking is but they hate you? they hate your kind?? they want you dead??? it feels like disgust with him for being a traitor. which is interesting bc thts not how i view other or everyday interactions but in the video all i cld see was race. there's also the reality tht money n fame trump race at least to am extent at least sometimes, idk very thoughts but im falling asleep

[delileaf]

so i fr work in a research building and everytime someone looks me in the eye and tells me they’re working on tuberculosis i gotta try real hard not to fall to my knees and start screaming

#yes it is surprisingly a very active area of research #it shocks me everytime #literally posters i walk past everyday abt tuberculosis and all i can think of is him…..

hi stranger!!! this post came up while i was searching abt TB and i didnt see that you were a red dead redemption(??? that cowboy game that i wish i could play where the main character gets TB) and i was at first very confused that you were like. kind of hostile to the idea of tuberculosis treatment? i saw a post with the name arthur and i was like ohh that makes so much more sense lol

but yeah tuberculosis is still a very big problem, just not one that gets acknowledged much in wealthy or majority white nations. due to several reasons (most notably corporate greed in the pharmaceutical industry), TB treatments are very inaccessible to a lot of people — this has changed very recently, but in some parts global south, just a diagnostic test could cost an entire week’s worth of wages

if you know who john green is, he actually started going in on tuberculosis activism like last year and leveraged his fanbase against johnson & johnson and a biotech company called cepheid in order to get them to reduce the pricing of their treatment & testing equipment in low- and middle-income countries! cepheid & their parent company danaher are still dragging their feet (only the first test for TB is reduced, but if someone tests positive they’re supposed to get a second test that will check what drugs will be effective against their strain. this is a major deal and is still unaffordable to a lot of people).

i’ll restrain myself from infodumping too much about my (very unsettling) special interest, but i have some recommendations in case you’re curious:

phantom plague by vidya krishnan is an incredible resource that is very approachable for someone not familiar with TB history and so full of interesting information. krishnan covers both history and the modern day, and goes into not only some germ science but also the social, political, and financial aspects. this is a massive recommendation to anyone, it’s just really really good

tbfighters . org is a website created by TB activists that’s a great jumping off point for anyone wanting to know what’s up with TB activism right now — includes basic details about TB in the modern day, some very easy calls to action (mostly focused on pressuring cepheid out of their price gouging, with some political information for the US and UK also!), and at the end a bunch of links to learn more!

(also i mentioned john green jumping into the fray earlier, so i have to talk about how he has a bunch of really great youtube videos and tiktoks about TB — history & also the modern day fight against it)

okay sorry this was a lot. please have a good day/night!!! :) <3

wow- this is super interesting !!!! I’ve actually just started my PhD in cell biology and I get so focused on the science I sometimes forget there’s a whole like political and economic landscape to biotech and pharmaceutical companies. doing research, it’s so easy to forget you’re not working in a vacuum!!

honestly as someone from the uk TB is just not on my radar and in my stupid science brain i was like - we can treat it? therefore we solved that problem? very privileged and sheltered of me I know, so I’m so glad you sent me that info!!

it’s crazy to me that i spend so much time getting sad over a fictional cowboy while real people are still going through very real situations with TB and suffering because they can’t afford tests or treatment - something i feel like more people and especially the rdr fandom should keep in mind when making jokes abt a ‘cowboy disease’

so thanks so much for all that!!!! (also …. you should definitely play the cowboy game, it’s amazing but will break you into a million pieces)

have a lovely day!!

[neonsbian]

hi vinnie <3 since you’re like my resident writing oomf i gotta ask: do you have any tips on motivating & inspiring yourself to write and get through a writer’s block? seeing you post about your writing is so inspiring but i’ve been struggling for months now rip </3

hmmm tbh i dont rlly have a good answer for you other than teach yourself self-discipline. ive been writing for almost a decade (crazy to think abt lol) and in that time ive basically had to teach myself to commit to writing.

writing is just like any other artform, it's a skill that you build gradually by practicing consistently. the best way to do this is to come up with a goal in your mind and actually work towards this. i don't mean like, deciding you want to write a novel and just writing right away (though that does work for some people) but building steps to slowly achieve that goal.

let's say you want to write a novel. great! the first thing i would do is find time in my schedule to write. a lot of people assume that means sitting down for hours at a time and just typing away but finding time to do that in todays society isnt easy and personally, it's more effective for me to find gaps and short moments to just write for a bit. for me, the most writing gets done when im constrained for time. and you don't have to do it all at once! you can write a little bit at different points of the day too.

i also plan what im going to write before i write it. this doesn't mean i outline necessarily (i don't do that until the second draft) but before writing a scene, ill have a vague idea of what i want to happen in that scene. sometimes it changes as im writing but i never go into writing without a vague idea of what's going to happen.

i think setting a daily goal for yourself is really important. i know writing everyday seems kinda daunting, especially if you didnt do that before but like i said, writing is a skill you build gradually by practicing consistently and you have to be consistent. your daily goal can be a certain page count, word count, or chapter count. whatever works for you. i personally don't rlly like using quantifiable units as my daily goal bc that makes me like check the word count obsessively and prefer to use story markers as my goal instead. basically, i decide before writing i want to reach a certain point in the story by the end of the day. sometimes im in over my head and have to adjust, but it's more useful to think abt it that way for me.

also, if you're just starting out, i would make my daily goal relatively simple and easy to achieve. if word count is how you're counting it, then i'd set it to like 500 words. you might feel frustrated with how slow your progress is but it's more effective to slowly build a story than to write a huge chunk in a short amount of time and then never touch it again. and even if the progress is slow, at least progress is happening!

i know a lot of people have said this but you're also gonna have to allow yourself to write badly. i feel like this something that's difficult to implement into your mindset but it's essential to teach yourself this or else you'll never get anything done. shitty writing doesn't mean you're a shitty writer, it just means that your writing needs more work and the only way to achieve that is by working on it consistently.

i also personally think it's helpful to read the writing processes of other writers and try doing them yourself. lauren groff, for example, writes her entire second draft from memory which sounded absolutely insane to me but i tried it for one of my short stories. that method didn't really work for me but from her method helped me improve my own system. basically for scenes that were in the first draft but were going to be changed pretty drastically, i don't open my first draft at all and just write the scene. every writer's process is different and what works for one writer isn't always going to work for you, but it's still worth a shot to try it and one way or another, it'll help you understand yourself as a writer better.

to me, writing is self-discipline as much as it's art and building a system that works for you is going to take some time but it's necessary to achieve what you're hoping to achieve.

this ended up being longer than i expected but tldr: set a goal, do it everyday 👍