#KYMANRANTGARBAGE

[wendytestabrat]

why kyle actually knows how to help cartman and heidi doesn’t

i swear this wholeass special is a PERFECT example on why kyman works and heiman doesn’t lol. like ya’ll remember when heidi tried to help with cartman’s weight by making him go vegan, and then cartman retaliated back at her by making her gain weight? well in “the end of obesity”, we see kyle going full boyfriend mode trying to help cartman with his weight and cartman is cooperative as hell abt it and listens to kyle. like idek how people can say cartman is the abusive one at this point bc there are a lot of aspects of their dynamic where kyle is the one who takes charge and dominates which he did in this episode lol. and i also feel like kyle did a WAYYY better job than heidi trying to find a weight loss solution cartman would be ok with. kyle knows damn well that if he were to try to get cartman to go on a diet like heidi did, that would NOT work. he knows cartman well enough to know cartman can’t stand vegans and would never eat that crap lol. so yeah i feel like kyle did a good job of rlly taking cartman’s feelings into consideration and trying to help him in a way that ACTUALLY WORKS that he wants to be helped with. i also feel like kyle was waiting for a moment where cartman wanted to HELP HIMSELF and would be appreciative about it. i’m sure kyle rlly appreciated seeing cartman genuinely concerned and upset about his weight in that beginning scene where cartman was crying abt being fat, so yeah ofc kyle pounced on that opportunity lol. something else i loved abt this episode is it showed how truly patient kyle is with cartman LOL. like when they were on that wholeass navigating the healthcare system montage the fact that kyle did NOT give up and kept taking cartman from one place to the next to fill out all those forms even though it was annoying and tedious was admirable af. this is something i’ve ranted abt A LONGASS time ago abt how everyone acts like kyle is easily irritated and annoyed with cartman, when in reality he has more patience for his bullshit than any other character and is willing to spend long periods of time with him when the other characters won’t. so yeah HEIDI COULD NEVER. kyle was working his ass off to find a rational solution that could help with his weight, wheras heidi just gave up right away when the first thing she tried didn’t work. i also feel like i have to point out how much i loved how touchy and feely and possessive kyle got in this special, which just further adds more validity to the jelly kyle theory (which rlly isn’t a theory bc it’s true) we had during the heiman drama back in seasons 20-21. like yeah no SHIT kyle is gonna get mad over a girl holding hands with cartman bc HE WANTS TO HOLD HANDS WITH CARTMAN and he’s used to being the one that gets to touch him and be in his personal bubble.

[darthtricera]

Cartman dating Heidi was a coverup for his true feelings about Kyle. One of my friends did the same thing. They dated a lot of people but then eventually confessed to their true crush that they only had those exes to cover up their true feelings for them.

Maybe Kyle’s exes are coverups for Cartman too.

What do you guys think?

[wendytestabrat]

the death of eric cartman is actually sad af

ok something i realized abt this episode when i was making my compilation of kyle being jealous of cartman and butters is how sad it was that cartman immediately assumed he was a ghost after everyone was ignoring him LOL. like did his mom not say anything to him either that day???? why did he assume butters was the only one who could see him??? it rlly shows how cartman’s classmates at school are the only people who talk to him and he pretty much just gets ignored by all the adults in the show and everyone else in the town on a regular basis. and they pretty much revealed that during that funny moment where cartman starts acting like a ghost and then he walks by that random couple and they’re like “what is that kid doing?” “i don’t know just ignore him” LOL. but it was actually sad af bc it shows how no one pays any attention to cartman when he needs love and validation just like any other kid. no wonder cartman acts so narcissistic and attention-seeking all the time if the adults (and even his mom) are constantly treating him like he doesn’t exist. so that’s why he feels the need to be loud and obnoxious all the time to overcompensate for that and get the attention he needs.

[wendytestabrat]

another reason why kyle is obsessed with making sure cartman remains an asshole

ok so like we’ve talked alllllll about how kyle loves to keep cartman as an asshole bc he’s jealous of him and likes bringing him down a peg AND bc kyle likes using cartman as a pawn in his game to make himself look like the good one in comparison bc he’s a rlly shit person himself. BUT ALSO another reason that i feel like i haven’t touched on or just not as much is bc of kyle’s POSSESSIVENESS over cartman too. we’ve seen repeatedly how whenever cartman cuts kyle out of his life he can snatch up a bitch RLLY easily, which rlly goes to show how much of a chad cartman truly is and how much rizz he has. & i feel like kyle lowkey knows this already, he can sense that girls are actually EXTREMELY attracted to cartman (i mean maybe not in looks but at least in personality), bc i mean kyle is attracted to cartman himself so he gets it LOL. so honestly that’s probably been like one of the #1 reasons kyle has loveeeeeed keeping cartman toxic all this time (whether he consciously realizes it or not) and why in like seasons 1-3 he went out of his way to turn cartman into a monster and wore down his self-esteem over time by projecting all of his terrible traits onto him lol.

it’s also the reason why kyle constantly bitches at cartman to change and be a better person, yet when cartman actually does, he gets mad LOL. kyle knows damn well that cartman has it in him to be a good person and is really nice deep down (and we’ve talked abt how in seasons 1-3 cartman was actually a decent person with empathy 473837282382 times). that’s why he purposely tried to destroy that and made fun of cartman every time he showed his soft wimpy vulnerable side, and why to this day kyle is soooooo fixated on “fixing” cartman bc he knows he’s responsible for making him a monster in the first place lol.

and here’s the thing, kyle’s delusional ass truly believed that cartman being in a happy relationship was impossible. like when he saw cartman with heidi he was all shocked and couldn’t even process it. i love how in s21 when he was trying to sabotage their relationship even the other boys like stan & butters were telling kyle to stay out of it bc heidi just loves cartman and that’s that LOL. bc yeah even when cartman is at his absolute worst being an abusive piece of shit he still has likable qualities and the other boys know this so they didn’t rlly care nor question why heidi wanted to stay with him. and then in the future when kyle sees cartman as a rabbi happily married, his first instinct is to go, “cArtmAn iS jUsT mESsiNg wiTh mE,” as if the idea of cartman building a normal, happy life is so out of the question that it has to be a trick. but the truth is kyle has known all along that cartman can actually be a pretty likable and charming person, and that’s exactly why he’s kept cartman toxic for so long. he was just mad and shocked that his plans to convince everyone cartman is this irredeemable monster and gaslight the wholeass school abt it didn’t work and that there happened to be a girl who could see through cartman’s soul and want to be there for him and help him.

kyle’s obsession with keeping cartman toxic is a subconscious thing he does bc he doesn’t want cartman to become a better person than him, so he can keep cartman allllll to himself and loyal to him and the other boys. i swear stan & kyle both act like they’re these two amazing dudes who are just being friends with cartman to do him a favor bc they feel bad for him, which is complete bs. they obviously need cartman wayyy more than he needs them (hence why cartman can make friends outside the group pretty fast with characters like butters, tweek, and clyde) which has been shown REPEATEDLY. but mainly kyle likes keeping cartman toxic bc he’s in love with him & he doesn’t want cartman to leave his side for someone else bc kyle is lonely af and no girl wants to be with him bc of how annoying and crazy he is LOL. that’s why kyle’s worked sooo damn hard to make sure cartman hates girls as much as he does, like how the two of them would both tease stan in the early seasons for liking wendy (and then later teased kenny for being with tammy too), but yeah when cartman moved on from kyle easily and got a girlfriend just like that 🫰🏼 it rlly showed how all this time KYLE was actually the selfish terrible toxic one who’s bad with women NOT cartman lol.

i also love that subtle moment in “the list” when kyle is all like “who tf cares what the girls think abt our looks” and then cartman backs him up and is like “kyle’s right screw it we have better things to worry about” that says A LOT how cartman & kyle were the only ones who didn’t give a shit abt the girls’ list BUT ALSO how much kyle had cartman under his control over this shit, it shows how whenever kyle would trash women or show disinterest in them (either bc he’s gay or bc he knows he could never be with a girl bc he’s such a toxic loser) cartman felt like he had to join in on that lol. but yeah u can tell that all the way back in s11 cartman still had a little more enthusiasm for girls than kyle did bc cartman got all hooked on the list drama right away when he devised that plan to steal it from the girls lol, AND ALSO the fact that kyle got sooo upset when cartman was ranked above him too and let cartman’s teasing get to him about how ugly & unattractive he is (even tho kyle clearly ain’t ugly), is more evidence that shows how much kyle knows damn well cartman is lowkey attractive AF and can snatch up a bitch easily if he wanted to lol.

[wendytestabrat]

I’M JUST SPAMMING AT THIS POINT BUT I SWEAR THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE ABOUT TO KISS. STAN, KENNY, AND BUTTERS ARE JUST LOOKING AT THEM LIKE WTF SEEING THE OBVIOUS TENSION GOING ON LOL. IT’S LIKE KYLE’S NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIDE THAT HE LIKES CARTMAN ANYMORE WHICH WE STAN LOL

[wendytestabrat]

this is how their dynamic has always been lol ESPECIALLY in the early seasons (1-3) but now we’re seeing this shit again bc cartman is getting nicer like he used to be in the new ones

also idk what “the kyman dynamic ever” is supposed to even mean, ru saying it’s the best kyman dynamic ever? the worst kyman dynamic ever? what their dynamic actually is? god i wish people in the south park fandom spoke english better bc i’m tired of being the only one who talks abt kyman that people actually take seriously lol, bc yeah no one is gonna side with someone who’s saying something that makes no sense, that’s just the brutal truth. ik i’m being bitchier than usual rn bc i’ve been in the world’s longest PMS cycle bc my period is late and these dead babies won’t come out of me so forgive me LOL

[wendytestabrat]

kyle is FINALLY realizing his feelings for cartman

ok ik i’ve taked A LOT in the past how cartman is the one who’s way more out than kyle is, aware of what’s going on, and makes more of an effort to initiate things between them while kyle is completely in denial and lacks all awareness that cartman likes him and takes everything cartman says as a personal attack even when cartman is just playfully teasing him LMAO. but i feel like this special rlly showed how kyle is at least somewhat aware that he and cartman like each other, at least at this point in the show. it rlly stood out to me how kyle held cartman’s hand and touched him like 547393373829 times in the special AND HE WAS THE ONE WHO INITIATED THE HAND HOLDING THIS TIME NOT CARTMAN, so i feel like this was kyle’s way of making a move and subtly flirting with cartman and showing how much he loves him lol. ofc kyle’s not as openly affectionate and emotional as cartman is, kyle shows his love more by solving problems and helping people and shit. we even saw the way kyle was so detatched and closed off from his emotions when he saw cartman crying but was acting like he didn’t care and was like “cartman’s upset? so what?” and when he went to cartman abt it he’s just like “what’s wrong with you?” LOL, but we all know kyle cared A LOT bc of how easily he let himself get sucked into this even when he tried to resist. so yeah even if kyle aint ready to openly admit he likes cartman or tell him he loves him, this is still DEF progress to see kyle investing sooo much time and energy like this to make cartman happy IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE. and i swear kyle’s bitchass acts all surprised in the “joining the panderverse” special when cartman ran up and hugged him at the end like yeah NO SHIT kyle is the first person cartman is gonna hug and be happy to see after he was just in trouble and got sucked into an alternate universe bc he knows damn well kyle is the one who cares abt his well-being most of all which i’ve talked about.

also i feel like it may have been the hug where we saw cartman being openly affectionate with kyle in front of others for the first time, that may have encouraged kyle to feel more comfortable with being affectionate and holding cartman’s hand in front of others in the obesity special. and i remember talking abt this shit back when the panderverse special aired how it was progress that cartman doesn’t care abt people knowing he likes kyle anymore, and that hopefully soon kyle would stop caring too so it looks like we’re finally getting there lol. this was gonna be a separate rant but fuck it ima talk abt this moment too bc it’s relevant af. i LOVED how butters went to KYLE in the beginning knowing kyle was the only one who could help cartman feel better lol. it rlly shows how much all the other kids see through kyle’s bs and knows how much he loves cartman, AND THEN HE WONDERS WHY EVERYONE BELIEVED CARTMAN WHEN HE SAID THEY WERE A COUPLE. this is kind of a headcanon i’ve had for a long time actually that whenever cartman is having a problem or acting crazy the kids recruit kyle to resolve it lol. idk if butters went up to kyle bc he just knew kyle would be able to help, or if cartman specifically told butters to go get kyle when he was upset lol. either way it’s sus af bc that rlly shows how comfortable cartman is with kyle at this point bc he knows kyle is the one person he can turn to that genuinely cares abt him and will help him when he’s upset or in trouble, which also tells me kyle has already done A LOT of codependent shit like this with cartman when they’re in private that he didn’t want people knowing about lol

[wendytestabrat]

ok but kyle has always been touchy feely with cartman. there’s a post i made a longass time ago with a bunch of screencaps showing moments where he gets all in cartman’s personal bubble lol. yeah he usually does it when they’re in private tho, so i guess this episode was one of the first times he’s been intimate with him in front of others, but we still do see kyle touching cartman A LOT in front of others especially if it’s just to grab him or lecture him or get into an argument with him about something lol.

(this is from SEASON 9) ⬆️ and yesss i love how the special showed how truly determined kyle is and that’s the reason why kyman works which i’ve talked abt 5738924839 times. kyle is the only character on the show that’s as stubborn and strong-willed as cartman and can match his energy so that’s why they always work rlly well together and get shit accomplished when it’s just them one on one rather than when stan & kenny get involved with shit bc those two are just slackers and fuck everything up lol.

i stole ur screencap forgive me

Alright, the special.

The special was SO FUCKING GOOD I'm crying inside because there's SOOOO much to talk about with the kyman moments I am THRIVING right now- ahem sorry got too hyper there ^^'

First of all, the fact that everytime Cartman had a skinny dream Kyle was always at the front of it one way or another, this boy is obsessed with him it's insane that he was in his dream twice and he went to him first at the end after the declaration THAT KYLE MADE.

Second, Kyle was making the conscious decision to help him make his dream real and was initiating almost ALL of the physical contact with Cartman which he would NEVER do and never HAS done until now.

Then Kyle filling out all the medical records and going through all the loops despite not really getting anywhere with Cartman watching him REALLY reminded me of the crack baby episode where he was doing all the legal shit and I am honestly living for it, plus not to mention that Kyle was getting pissed off FOR Cartman's sake because they kept being denied. So good.

BUT THEN it gets to when Kyle and the boys stay in the cycle of make the drug - drug gets taken - order more powder - repeat and Cartman was giving up, Kyle kept giving him the pep talks because Kyle knows that Cartman's never one to give up on anything so seeing him actively losing his will was weird for him to see and he wasn't allowing that, nuh uh. Even going as far as ordering a supply that wasn't their usual after the Indian factory got attacked.

Also when they had the yelling match shaking each other back and forth, those last words from Kyle were so fucking passionate and genuine are you kidding meeeeeee. AND THEY WERE INCHES AWAY FROM EACHOTHER THEY LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PERSONAL SPACE IS- oh yeah and Cartman was literally staring at Kyle's lips.

And the chase scene... WHERE DO I BEGIN?? Kyle was literally SHOOTING PEOPLE'S MOTHERS so he could successfully make the drug for Cartman (and everyone else) because he didn't want Cartman's hope to run out again THAT IS SOME GAY SHIT RIGHT THERE. He was so determined to make Cartman's wishes come true he didn't care what he had to do to make it happen.

And I have no idea if anyone else even caught this but Cartman pronounces Kyle's name CORRECTLY. THREE TIMES! This just proves my theory I had ALL the way back since Imaginationland that Cartman says his name correctly when he's actually being genuine aghhh bye I'm losing my fucking mind I was literally GIGGLING after watching this special the first time around.

Matt and Trey KNOW what they're doing with every subtle action, whether it's eye placement, name pronunciation ect and those of you who are going to turn around and say that Kyle doesn't give a shit about Cartman and how he is then RESPECTFULLY you are living under a fucking rock because this whole thing is just... Kyle being concerned about him and wanting him to achieve what he wants for himself like a caring friend should and I am so glad this was finally brought to light and shoved into everyone's faces ❤💚

[wendytestabrat]

okay, let’s talk about cartman’s narcissistic wound

[wendytestabrat]

ya'll forget how much cartman unconditionally supports kyle

ok so i HATED how after the end of obesity special all the people who shit on cartman while blindly supporting anything kyle does were all like "ugh i can't believe cartman insulted kyle even after how much he helped him in the episode!1!1 😤" or "wow kyle is such a good person he's still willing to help cartman even after everything cartman's done!1!1!" like ok i'm gonna stop you right there LOL. are ya'll forgetting how much of an ASS kyle's been to cartman the past few seasons?!?!? (and rlly the whole series lol) that piece of shit deadass broke all of his stuff, stole his girlfriend, sabotaged his happy future with a wife and kids, REFUSED to help him when he was sucked into a parallel dimension where everyone is replaced with a diverse woman, and still kept fucking harassing him for being fat even when when cartman stopped making jew jokes for the most part. and ya'll have the nerve to shame cartman just for lightly teasing kyle at the end???? the reason why this episode was such a breath of fresh air was bc it finally showed kyle being nice to cartman for once and being a good friend BACK. ya'll are forgetting the fact that cartman helps kyle with shit all the time too i mean deadass remember when he got out of the hospital bed to save kyle from the PC people???? yet, kyle didn't appreciate it and still broke all of cartman's stuff and tried sabotaging his relationship the next season LOL. so yeah kyle going out of his way to help cartman with a weight loss drug is honestly the LEAST he could do at this point to make up for all the times cartman was nice to him and tried helping him and he was an ungrateful little bitch about it. that's why i'm rlly not that mad abt cartman making that ginger jew joke at the end bc i mean at least they're even now and it's rlly nowhere near as bad as all the unappreciative ways kyle has tried to screw cartman over after cartman was there for him.

[wendytestabrat]

i swear ya’ll are dumb i can’t believe it’s taken people this long to finally notice lol. hopefully this will be the episode that shifts people’s perspective abt how kyle feels abt cartman FOR GOOD. kinda like how people didn’t start noticing kyle was an asshole until post covid LOL

AND ALSO this comment is dumb af and it’s just another anti-kyman flat earther tryna rationalize why kyle cared abt cartman in the episode bc they’ll take any other explanation over the most obvious one which is that kyle likes cartman lol. IT WAS NOT JUST PRINCIPLE. like obviously the episode showed kyle wants to help obesity as a whole rather than just cartman, BUT HE DEADASS REVEALED LATER IN THE EPISODE HE WANTED TO HELP CARTMAN MOST. like remember that scene where they were trying to get the weight loss shit from that truck and then kyle is like “hurry we have to help cartman first!” that showed he cared more abt helping cartman lose weight than all the other fatties in the town wanting the drug lol. but yeah overall i loved how this episode actually showed kyle taking action to help with an issue going on rather than sitting sitting on his ass bitching about it and being all talk like he usually is which is kind of unrelated but whatever ima sneak another point i wanna make into this rant.

[wendytestabrat]

GERALD KNOWS WHAT'S UP BETWEEN THOSE TWO

also kyle is doing that thing again that i've talked about how when he sees cartman he looks all nervous and surprised bc he likes him but then covers it up by looking mad to hide it LOL. i also feel like kyle def felt pressured to cover it up bc there were a bunch of people there so he was embarrassed. if this is how kyle acts when cartman hugs him in public it rlly makes me wonder how he acts when cartman hugs him in private. prob more like what we saw in "kenny dies".

-Kyle, Kyle, I'm back! I was so wrong about Kathleen Kennedy, Kyle, she's so awesome!

-Okay, what Cartman is this?!

[wendytestabrat]

why kyle is too scared to be nicer to cartman ft. update on my mental health

[wendytestabrat]

kyle knows cartman all too well

ok something i wanna point out is how much i loved how kyle was filling out all of cartman’s paperwork for him. the fact that he was able to write all of that shit down rlly fast over and over without asking cartman any questions shows how well he knows cartman and all of his personal medical information. bc yeah i’m sure anyone who’s been to the doctor knows how annoying those medical forms are they ask u like literally 57389292 questions about personal details such as ur medical history, what medications you’re on, what conditions your parents have etc lol. so the fact that kyle knows this shit says A LOT. like it’s normal for a parent to fill out a kid’s forms for them at the doctor so this shows that kyle knows cartman as well as his mom does (which i’ve talked abt before) to be able to fill this shit out accurately for him.

[wendytestabrat]

ya'll underestimate how good of a liar kyle can be

[wendytestabrat]

I SWEAR IN SO MANY SCENES CARTMAN AND KYLE ARE ALWAYS NEXT TO EACH OTHER. LIKE WHEN THEY'RE AT THE BUS STOP OR SITTING AT THEIR DESKS IN CLASS. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SIT TOGETHER IN CLASS? LIKE IDK IF THEY CHOSE THEIR SEATS OR WERE ASSIGNED TO THEM BUT IT'S STILL SUS EITHER WAY THAT THE TEACHER WOULD ALWAYS PUT CARTMAN AND KYLE NEXT TO EACH OTHER. IT'S LIKE IN THE MAJORITY OF SCENES WITH THE FOUR BOYS CARTMAN AND KYLE ARE ALWAYS THE ONES STANDING OR SITTING TOGETHER (AND OFTEN REALLY CLOSE TO EACH OTHER). THEY'RE PRACTICALLY MARRIED.

They’re always so…Close to one another, like squished together. if I was forced to be with someone I hated with a fiery passion, (And I was) GOD KNOWS I WOULDN’T sit near their ass, no fucking way. But they always sit so close to one another, and sometimes it’s even Kyle sitting next to him, and you’re probably like, okay??? But there’s no room, and you’re right. But one time there was a scene and there was definitely more room next to stan, but he still sat next to Eric. Also WHO THE FUCK WOULD CUDDLE UP TO SOMEONE THEY HATE???! Just sleep on the ground 😭😭😭 for fucks sakes… And when Stan was going through his depression, why’d Kyle lean more to Cartman to be his new friend??? Why not Kenny, what’s Kenny done to you?? For someone who says you hate Cartman with every fiber of your being, you sure do spend a lot of time and close to him. Kyle.