#every time I remember I’m 21 I just go what the fuck??? am I allowed to be this age???

[mrs-snape5984]

“You've got the love I need to see me through…”

“Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough and things go wrong no matter what I do. Now and then, it feels like life is just too much. (…) But I know, I can count on you!” (“You’ve got the love” by Florence + The Machine)

Clinging to a comfort character over a long period of time can bring you both: Comfort and a feeling of desperate longing…

That’s exactly how I feel about Severus. I fell head over heels for him, when I read the “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” 21 years ago. I remember that I was almost forced to read the books, which I’ve thought of being only some overhyped children’s books. Oh, how wrong I was!! The first impressions of the bitter and sarcastic potions master were enough to convince me otherwise. It felt like a recognition…enlightening my heart. “Hey! You’re just like me!!”

Severus Snape has made himself a home in my heart, that he never left since then. From the first moment, I was hopelessly devoted to this raven haired, sassy man with his adorably crooked nose and those beautiful - and yet so sad - obsidian eyes.

Trigger warning: Whoever has problems with reading about traumatic events in someone’s life, please skip the next paragraph! After that, it’s safe again.

He was with me, whenever I struggled with my life, no matter what it was. And damn….there were a whole bunch of traumatic experiences in this mess, which I’m calling my life. Abuse, divorce, too many terrible health issues and operations (resulting in a defeated addiction to opiates and morphines), disability, miscarriages, terrible high risk pregnancies with months of being bedridden at the hospital, prematurely born children…and so on…

And now, that I’m losing all my grip on my life because of this terrible disease ME/CFS (seriously, what am I? A fucking magnet for shit?!?! Hey, god!! It’s enough!! I’m already done with everything!)…Severus is the only consistency in my life. Being trapped in my dark room all the time, only to be allowed to step out to my balcony to enjoy some fresh air at night, when the world around myself remains in silence, can only be endured because of my dedication to Severus. He’s everywhere in my room…every little piece of my collection feels like a comfort blanket, being woven to grant me solace.

Commissioning art became my passion, my way of consolation. My walls are plastered with framed artwork, which all those talented artists of our beloved Snape Fandom have made for me.

This time, I commissioned something different for the first time. I found the lovely @juanasunfall-blog on Instagram. She’s creating stunning and hilarious comic strips and I absolutely adore her way of drawing our fabulous dungeon bat. I mean, look at this silver strand of hair…I’m melting!!!! 🫠

@juanasunfall-blog, you did a wonderful job with this project and I enjoyed every conversation with you. I’m grateful for your kindness and for the connection, we’ve found to each other. You’re a gem of a human soul, my dear, and I hope, that we will stay in touch! 🥹

🖤 Severus & Julia 🖤

[bookworm2002-blog]

hey, i’m not sure if anyone is going to see this. but i hope it meets the right people. so if you see this, you were meant to! my last relationship left me in a wreck and i felt like i was drowning every day. it left me questioning everything in my life and most of all i wasn’t myself or i had lost myself somewhere during the break up. and if you’re going through a break or you’re in a funk, i’m sorry. i know i’m a stranger but i am sorry. sorry for what you are going through because i relate and it hurt a lot most days, felt like i can barely do basic shit like get up in the morning and i would think about how he’s probably fine. how everyone in the world is ten steps ahead of me. how they have their life figured out and i’m 21 still with no license. but that’s when i realized i need to stop, stop giving a fuck about someone who doesn’t care about me. stop moping around and feeling sorry for myself. stop complaining and comparing my life to others! that’s not that easy though but over time it works. the thing is choosing yourself like throwing yourself into all the things you like to do or want to do. it could be making art, learning to crochet, running a marathon, becoming a barista, traveling on a solo trip, learning how to bake, and etc. and during this don’t forget to allow yourself the time to grieve, it sucks because you wish you didn’t even feel this way but you do. so when you notice yourself about to cry or think about what you’re sad about, let it happen. let yourself break down, it’s okay. i was trying so hard not to think or cry about it anymore because i felt dumb if i did cause the people or situations i was crying over didn’t feel deserving of my tears. however i wasn’t crying for them, i was crying for me. we’re all humans and need to feel what we feel, we can’t just suppress our feelings. we have to confront them. all of this is going to hurt for a while but keep choosing yourself and doing the things you love, start this new chapter of figuring out how to love yourself. i know that sounds corny, it’s the best way i can put it! i’ve found that journaling, listening to upbeat music, going on walks, really just being alone, and focusing on myself has helped a lot. i’m not saying that will help you but you never know unless you try new things. at the end of the day if you realize you don’t have a shoulder to cry on or anyone calling you to ask “how was your day?” just remember you aren’t alone. there’s always someone willing to listen and if you still can’t find someone, remember you have yourself. so my advice would be to journal, everything you want to say, say it into a notebook or express it into some art form! creative outlets are so beautiful! i hope you are proud of yourself and realize your feelings are valid. also that you’re such a strong person, yeah i don’t know you personally but i can just feel it. i wish you so many good things in this life. -I.T.

message to anyone out there who needs to hear this. there’s someone always in your corner <3

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

I guess its the Summer Solstice so here we are again! 6/21/23

Wow I knew I neglected my last pot but here we are back even later than the last one! Like i say everytime it is wild to see how much has changed in my life the past couple of years. Ups down and everything in between I come back to this spot everytime and see the growth I’ve made. All by myself. All for myself. I cant always see it but moments where I read back on the past I am brought right back to those moments and never lose sight of how I felt in the past. 

I keep seeing on TikTok that today is a Summer Solstice meaning it is a great opportunity for manifestations so lets try this out why not! I guess I’ll start by giving a quick synopsyis of my life from the past 10 months or however long (wow sorry I abandoned this for that long!!!!)

Lets start with Work. I am still at the same OI job and feel like I have grown sooo much. I cant say im perfect at my job, but I know I have made a shit load of progress that i’m very proud of. I shifted off of working with my mngr which has made the biggest impact on my happiness at the job. I was going from having weekly panic attacks to not even having to review a single email anymore. I am really proud of myself for treading through the mud and getting to the point where I am at now. Now for the manifestation segment. I am going to get a promotion soon. This SUMMER! I FEEL IT. I am such a hard worker and really have gained the experience to move up in the company. I am confident it will happen in the next couple months. I cant wait to come back here and tell you all about it. It will be my first real promotion at a job which is something that I’ve really wanted to achieve since I havent gotten to this point at any of my previous jobs. You got this Case. 

Now for relationships. Tricky subject and yep you guessed it D is still around. I have tested a coupe other relationships with E and A and C... but somehow D makes it through the motions of every single season. I do want to touch on E for a sec. I have grown to build an amazing relationship with him, but I havent seen him for a few weeks and I feel like the relationship is starting to fade. Im sick of getting 100% and then a week later not even 1%. I am fully aware it has nothing to do with me and more so his own struggles, but I do need to realize at the end of the day that its ok to want more from someone and he cant give me what I need as much as hes shown me how I can be treated in a healthy way. He’s the boy Ive always dreamt of how someone can treat/care for you, but this story just isnt ours at this point in time. Who knows what the future holds. Now D. Oh boy. As we all know its been a fucking roller coaster. I have felt the highest of highs w him and the lowest of lows. I do hold love for him (but not so sure ive ever been in love... idk what that even is lmao). We’ve gotten to a point where I feel like I have been holding my power for quite some time now. I don’t have the same anxieties as I had for him in the past and i don’t prioritize him over others. We’ve tried not speaking (jan 2023) for a couple weeks and ultimately he just came back and I allowed it. I cant cut him out of it killed me. It’s so fucking hard. I am working on figuring out his place in my life and how we can carry on without hurt, but I feel like I am slowy falling back in the trap/cycle. We had a really nice day together the other weekend and I felt those anxious attachment feelings creeping in... I need to remember the things that have happened and try to prepare for the worst, but is it crazy to say that what if we are meant for each other? The other day I was able to imagine being in a relationship with him and it shocked me how I felt so good the whole day. Idk prob the worst thought ever but.. idk.. why are we magents to each other? Lastly I wanna touch on friendships and new york life. My friends here are still the same (but Karina now lives in Miami) and I love them so much, but I’ve been feeling myself longing for my relationships in LA. There are many weekends where my friends here are out of town and I feel left alone many times. In LA I would have the comfort of my family when friends arent around, but theyre 100s of miles away from me. I really miss them so fucking much it hurts. I think the longer I am away the more and more I realize how special my family is. I especially feel bad being away from my mom. She asks me nearly everytime we talk when I’ll come back and little does she know I’ve been toying with the idea of returning once my lease is up. If not that I think I have 1 year left in me. It still shocks me to say it and feel confident in that, but I really miss my family. Thats truly the only thing pulling me back bc I love this city and who I have become here so damn much. Im not putting too much pressure on the decision as I still have 10 months on my lease, but it is in the back of my mind. I feel like I’ll lead myself to the right choice soon though. So much would change though. I told D the other day about the idea and he said he would be so sad which kinda surprised me. It would be the end for us if I did move back which im not sure is a good or bad thing. Sometimes I tell myself the love of my life is not here and I wont meet them till I move back lol. Im not sure where the future is gonna bring me, but im confident in myself to do what is right for me. Leaving my friends here would also be horrible, but at the end of the day if they are the friendships I believe them to be, we will still be as close as ever and planes exist!! I guess thats kinda it for now. But this is still the start to an amazing summer with so much fun in store I can feel it!!! I have a trip to the shore coming up next weekend and then im going back home for my bday end of july - aug. Later in the summer I am going to portugal with my family!!! and something BIIGGGG is gonna happen in the fam :o Cant write it in words here till it happens. Until then, I love you. Im proud of you. and life is always working out in my favor. <3  Love,

C

[myrulia]

omg hi can i have 21!!

maybe where the reader is a demon slayer and kokushibou obviously is a demon and they hook up?

knowing its bad since they’re enemies because they can’t resist each other?

it’s okay if youre not comfortable with this, thank you so much!

.｡.:*✧Prompt 21: "It feels so good, but it's bad for you."

.｡.:*✧Warnings: Animalistic behavior, corruption, demon slayer reader, breeding implications

╰╴⇢｡.:*✧A/N: This was honestly one of the hottest smuts I've written so thank you for this idea!

Needy and desperate.

The two things you felt the most as the creature's hips rutted into yours at an alarming pace that was bound to leave bruises after your time spent together. You hardly remember how you got in this state, all you knew was that it felt damn good and you did not want it to stop.

The demon that hovered above you suddenly flipped your positions, you now sitting on his cock that was nestled deep within your already soaked depths and him leaning against the headboard of the bed you both were on. Your mind was so delirious from pleasure that that just allowed it to happen and slowly rising only to slam your hips back down to the hilt, a long moan ripped from your esophagus.

The wet squelching sounds coming from your repeated actions bounced off the walls, as well as the deep throaty groans coming from the creature you were currently fucking like your life depended on it. His large hands made their way to your waist, only to guide your hips at a quicker rhythm. You felt his cock pump into you each time your hips met, the silky feeling of cum that was already spilled within you making it easier to slide out of your weeping cunt. 

Your breath hitched as you felt your climax reaching, but the feeling of adrenaline kept you moving despite having a six eyed creature pound into you relentlessly, so much so that each rut of his hips caused the tip of his still hardened cock to kiss your cervix.

`` Cum..- c-cum.. fuck I'm going to- ``

Before you could finish your sentence, you felt your mind being painted white from the feeling of the demon before you already erupting his own load within your already ruined hole that was sensitive from how long you had been going.

Your demon slayer uniform had been ripped open, leaving it torn in different pieces across the floor, your katana being beside the ripped fabrics. Your original mission was thrown out the window entirely since you found yourself coming back to your senses, the realization hitting you that you had just slept with the demon you were supposed to kill. 

Although that did not matter much, for before you could protest against another round your hips are already being controlled by the male's hands, his pace going from a rough fucking to a sensually slow grind that left you in the clouds all over again. The electrifying feeling of bloodcurdling desire returned in your core due to the slow pace that was driving you mad.

`` Fuck..- ``

You heard the demon curse under his breath. The animalistic growl that followed after sent a mouth-watering heat to your clit, your hips increasing their speed without you realizing it. He choked on his own saliva at this, his head tilting back only to forcefully buck his hips up into yours, the wail you let out falling deaf to his ears. You were too addicting to his senses, sending them into overdrive every time you let out even the tiniest whine of pleasure.

You held onto his shoulders for dear life, your nails digging so far down into his skin that you could have sworn he was bleeding. The mind-bending gluttony you had for a single being's dick should be a sin in itself but the insatiable feeling of his cock plunging into you repeatedly without fail left you scratching at his skin and spewing your delectable juices onto him all over again.

The carnal and lascivious sight of you bouncing up and down on his cock left Kokushibou in such delirium that he could not control how rough his pace became, the only thing on his mind was ripping each and every moan from your throat that belonged to him. Everything that you felt albeit pain or pleasure was because of him, as vile as it sounds he was determined to mark his territory no matter the cost, even if that meant a human who he became infatuated with overnight. 

He knew better and he hates the fact that he did, but with how your spongy walls take him so well even though his thrusts were remorseless, his arousal for you and your enthralling body only grew.

`` It feels so good..- but it's bad for you, ``

The demon said in between heavy pants of air, his chest rising and falling as his pace slowed until it was at a full stop, still being nestled inside you. With this you took the chance to finally catch your own breath again after having the wind knocked out of you due to your mind going absolutely blank from how much your sensitive pussy was put through.

You stared at the male who had the kanji for "Upper Rank One" embedded into his eyes, but you fell blind to them and simply inched closer to his face.

`` What if I enjoy this bad feeling? What will you do then? ``

Kokushibou did not have a proper answer for your bold statement, so in reaction to that he slid a hand up to your throat, pushing a thumb into your mouth and having a rather harsh tone.

`` I will take you here and now, and there is no going back. ``

`` That is a price I am willing to pay. ``

The upper moon scrunched his nose in disbelief, but flipped your positioning around yet again so that you are now beneath him and at his complete disposal, your body surrendering entirely and abandoning your life as a demon slayer all together. 

It felt so good and so enticing that the decision did not seem like a bad one, all you knew was that you wanted more and more until the only thing you could register was the demon's name and the shape of his cock each time you were craving for any sort of attention.

His pace picked back up again so severe that your voice was caught stuck in your throat, a delayed and loud moan of shock taking over your ear drums. Your lower regions were soaked and filled to the brim, but you just wanted more.

Even if it meant becoming a mere toy of pleasure, you were willing to do so.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

[celestialrry]

I wish you would write a fic where...

the main character is the daughter of a really important producer harry is working with and he has a major crush on her but 1) he doesn’t want her dad to feel like he’s taking advantage of her 2) she has a rule of not dating musicians

too young

OOOOOOHHHHHH

HIIII GUYS..... i started school again and honestly for the longest time i've had no inspiration to write but then i got this ask!!! (thank you for your patience anon ily) and was like i love this prompt but then i wrote the first part and had no idea how to continue it,,, but I finally finished it!! ε(♡'-')з (this is me giving you all my love and affection for sticking with me) 

(NOT EDITED)

2k

warnings: alcohol consumption

Harry was in a dilemma.

Usually, he could sweep all his issues under the rug, save them for another day, but this one... he couldn't do that. Not because he didn't want to, but because this problem was more than just a dust bunny on his hardwood floor.

Y/N was the problem.

Or to be more precise, his feelings for Y/N were the problem.

Harry had confidence when it came to his crushes. He was smooth, flirty, and snagged almost every single person he's caught feelings for.

But not Y/N.

No, she was almost unreachable, for quite a few reasons.

One, the only reason he knew her, met her, was through a producer he had been working with the past few months. Arlo was massive in the industry and Harry was flattered when Arlo approached him with interest in collaborating. And only a month into working together, he met Y/N.

Harry's head snapped towards the door that had just burst open, a girl barging into the studio that he had never seen before. She was gorgeous, he had to admit, but he couldn't ignore her blatant disrespect for coming in and making a scene while he, Arlo, and a few of his bandmates were working annoyed him to no end.

"Dad! Oh my god, you will not believe what just happened, I was on my way over here and I fucking bumped into Zach," The girl began ranting, approaching Arlo and huffing as she stood next to Arlo's chair. "Of all fucking people I could see just walking down the street, it had to be him. The world is against me today I swear. Anyways, I brought that drum pad you wanted."

She dug into her big brown bag that was slung over her shoulder and pulled out the music board, placing it on the table in front of Arlo.

"Where'd you see him, Y/N? We're about to go on break and I can leave and go kick his ass in," Arlo checked his watch. "7 minutes."

Y/N, Harry now knew her as, sighed and crossed her arms. "He's long gone by now, think he shit his pants when he saw me walking near him."

"Atta girl, thanks for bringing my board too," Arlo smiled up at her from his chair. He then turned to see Harry, and Mitch staring at the two of them. "Oh sorry guys, this is my daughter, Y/N. Y/N, this is Harry and Mitch."

She turned to look at them and smiled wide. "Nice to meet you!"

"You too." They both said in unison, looking at each other with a smile, before focusing back on Y/N.

"We'll be done soon, if you wanna go out and get lunch." Arlo said, turning back to his daughter.

"Sounds good, just text me," Y/N replied, giving him a smile before turning back to the boys. "Nice meeting you guys, again."

And before they could even respond she was gone.

Two, Y/N was younger than him. 6 years younger to be exact. It didn't seem like much, but when put into perspective, she was 21, only just being legally allowed to drink in the States, and Harry was 27. Practically 30, if you ask him, and he was positive Arlo would have his head if he found out Harry liked his daughter. 

And three, she doesn't date the people her dad works with. 

He had found this out one night when he, Arlo, Y/N, Mitch, and a couple other writers were hanging out at the studio, drinking some wine (she had even exclaimed that this would be her first time drinking red, and Harry was yet again reminded of her age) and chatting after a long day of working. 

Harry and Mitch were laughing with Arlo about the first time they met Y/N, and her comments about this “Zach” guy. 

“He’s my ex, and had worked with my dad on one shitty song that never got far because he’s just so-- music is just not his thing, to put it nicely. But he was an absolute asshole and after him I made rule to never date anyone Dad works with. It would just go terribly.” She explained, letting Arlo take a few more jabs at the guy before stopping him.

So yeah, Harry was in a dilemma. 

In all the time he’d known Y/N, he just kept falling for her. She was kind, funny, beautiful, lit up any room she walked into, and treated Harry like fine porcelain. 

She was just fucking perfect. 

｡:°ஐ

Y/N had probably been in a lot of worse positions than the predicament she was in now.

For example, that time her dad walked in on her and her ex making out in the studio, or her 21st birthday when she got completely wasted and almost got into the wrong car instead of her uber, and the next day found out that the man driving that car was actually a convicted criminal.

So there’s worse things that could happen than her liking Harry.

But it doesn't mean it wasn’t bad.

The thing is, Y/N didn’t fall for anyone easily. Her one and only ex Zach treated her like a queen until he could officially claim her as his. The flowers he gave her before every date remained at the shop and the consistent compliments turned into insults and muttered claims of discontentment. 

Hence why he was her ex. It took Y/N quite a long time to work up the courage to end things with him. He was her first kiss, first time, and first boyfriend. She was yet to find her first love, she never really loved Zach. The way he used to treat her in the beginning, she thinks she loved, but him? No, she would never call him her first love. 

So when Y/N’s time crush on Harry began to develop into real feelings in such a short span of time, it terrified her. She had really never felt this way about someone before; butterflies would erupt in her stomach every time he shot her a smile and her mind would erupt into pure chaos when his body brushed up against her own. 

So yeah, it could be worse, but it certainly wasn't good.

｡:°ஐ

Y/N enjoyed spending time at the studio with her dad, and surprisingly, spending time with her dad’s “co-workers”. Even though she didn't usually hang out with the pop stars and spent time mostly with the backing band/producers (they were usually 50 year old men, but they were pretty nice) she enjoyed herself fully, having lunch breaks and talking about where their children when to school and whatnot. 

Sometimes though, every blue moon, Y/N would hang out with a super star her dad was working with. Usually when most stars are at the studio all they did was record, which was understandable, but she never had the chance to meet a lot of them.

With Harry though, everything was different. It wasn’t just lunches at the studio, or dinner at someone’s house, no, tonight they were going out to a bar. 

It was completely unexpected too, they had just wrapped up a song, and Harry, being in a particularly good mood had yelled out about going to a bar to celebrate. Of course, Y/N ignored his shout, knowing she wasn’t invited, and after Arlo had said something about “not being able to party as much as I used to”, she gave her dad a hug good night and waved a little goodbye to the band. 

“Wait!” Harry had exclaimed, chasing after her in the hallway. “Where are y’going?”

Y/N’s eyes widened and she looked behind her before looking back at Harry. “I was just gonna head back home.”

Harry’s head tilted, and looked at her questionably. “Y’not comin’ to the bar with us?” He practically pouted.

Her brows shot up in surprise. “Oh! I- yeah I’ll go out with you guys.”

Which lead her here, decently tipsy, and sitting in a booth between Harry and Sarah, laughing at a story Adam had been telling. Every now and then she would glance over to Harry just to find his gaze already on her.

Her heart fluttered every time, and if Harry’s cheeks weren’t already flushed from the alcohol, Y/N would have noticed him blush every time they locked eyes as well. 

“M’gonna get another drink, does anyone want anything?” Y/N piped up, a resounding chorus of “no, thank you’s” answering her question. Except for Harry who spoke softly, “A beer? Go ahead and put it on my tab.”

She shook her head at him as he stood up to let her out of the maroon leather booth. “Can’t make you pay for that, I offered.” She said, standing to lock eyes with him yet again. 

“Nope,” He grinned. “You can, and you will.”

“But-”

“No buts.” He chuckled, giving her a dimpled smile.

Accepting her defeat she nodded and squeezed his arm with a murmured “Thank you.” before making her way to the bar.

Harry sat back down again, eyes trailing her figure as she walked away before looking back at the table to be met with knowing eyes. 

“What is it?” He asked, glancing around at everyone.

“You’re whipped, mate.” Charlotte grinned, everyone else nodding in agreement.

“What?! I am not.” Harry pouted, eyes flicking over to Y/N, who was making her way to the table, one drink in each hand, before back to everyone else. 

“She’s really sweet H, you should go for it.” Mitch said.

Harry shook his head, eyes now on Mitch. “I’m not interested in her like that, she’s way too young for me, anyways.”

Just then did he hear the soft hit of his beer and her cosmo land on the table. His gaze trailed up her hands to see Y/N’s shattered face. “Here.” She practically whispered to him.

“I just remembered I have an early class tomorrow, so I should go, but thank you guys for inviting me out.” Y/N explained in lighting speed as she leaned over Harry to grab her purse and toss is over her shoulder. 

Words of confusion were tossed around the table but she was already booking it out of there, leaving Harry just as devastated as she was.

“I think she heard you, H.” Sarah said, frowning. 

Harry let out a muttered “Fuck!” before taking out large bills from his wallet and tossing it on the table. “For my tab, m’sorry, I gotta go.” And he left just as fast as Y/N did, weaving through the tables and people before bursting out the door to see her standing on the street, arm wrapped around her waist and another holding her phone.

“Y/N!”

Her head whipped around to see Harry bustling towards her and she quickly wiped her eye as he approached.

“Wait, don't go,” He said, struggling to find the words. “We all want you to stay, I want you to stay.”

“I have to get to class Harry, plus, I’m too young to be staying out this late anyways.” She grimaced at her own words. 

He sighed, eyes flickering from her own to her lips then back again. “I-fuck, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

This time, she fully turned to face him, brows knitted in distress. “Then how did you mean it? Because honestly I don’t think there is another way to mean it.”

This was his only chance, Harry knew it. 

“I just, I tried for so long to tell myself it was wrong to feel this way about you because you’re so much younger than me, and m’pretty sure your father would have my head if he knew but m’fucking infatuated with you, Y/N. M’so sorry I said that earlier, age is my only excuse for not asking you out and it’s not a good enough excuse anymore.”

With this her mouth was gaped like a fish, and her face was akin to a deer caught in headlights. In a flash her arms were wrapped around his neck and he was holding her waist, reveling in her touch. 

“Oh, Harry,” She pulled away. “I really like you too.” And with that she pressed a swift kiss to his cheek, leaving him a blushing mess. 

“Good, thats... thats good.” He stammered.

“So,” she nudged his arm. “Y’gonna ask me out now?”

[bebepac]

The Rotten Apple 🍎: Part 3

I am participating in @wackydrabbles​ prompt # 121 Use Your Words which will appear in bold. Because Ellie is who she is, she uses the prompt twice.  #i cant with this chick.

This continues on!!!!!  To catch up on what you’ve missed so far please click:

The Rotten Apple 🍎

The Book:  TRH/TRF (Future Ellie Rys Walker) Pairings:  Liam x Riley / Ellie x ?)  Word Count: 1533 Warnings: Profanity, mention of past sexual experience.  Attempted stabbing sort of... You’ll see. Rating: PG-13

Nico is my own character, all others belong to PB, though I REALLY want to take credit for Ellie cuz this chick is only inspired by PB in name only.

Song Inspiration for this chapter: Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me by U2:

I don’t own rights to the music.

Original Post Update: 11/20/21 at 7:27PM EST.

When Ellie pulled the covers back, she knew he would blatantly stare at her body , as men were so predictable. Ellie in this instance only was her mother’s daughter.   Ellie was very aware from puberty, that men found her very attractive. She looked just like her mother.  Riley Brooks, when she came to Cordonia was beautiful, and her mother still was; she still had her thick hourglass shape after years of child bearing to give the King of Cordonia heirs. She did well at it, three out of four of her children carry the royal bloodline of Cordonia.   Riley could still turn her King's head rather quickly.  

Ellie had a body type very reminiscent of her mother when she came to Cordonia.  Nico bit his lip as his eyes greedily took in her form for a few moments, before he averted his eyes pushing the covers to cover her body;  Nico's breath quickened.

“Princess, why are you here? We couldn’t have done what it looks like we did?”

“First off, Princess isn’t what you were calling me last night Nico. I’m not into that particular brand of kink. Despite popular belief, not all royals like to be called by their honorifics in bed.”

She glanced down at the sheet.

“And it’s obvious that you enjoy looking at my body, because I can see every inch of you erect under that thin sheet. I have to leave soon, we shouldn’t let that go to waste.”

Ellie gripped his leg, and he slapped her hand away.  

Nico was not convinced at all at what appeared to have taken place.

“I asked you to leave Eleanor. And you left… I remember.”

“Do you remember kissing me, and the way you fondled my body? You touched me.”

His face reddened, but touching did not mean he had done what this situation looked like.

Nico quickly became accusatory towards the crown princess but respectfully.

“Is this a game to you?  Why are you trying so hard to convince me I did this with you? When I know I couldn’t, I wouldn’t? What is it that you truly want from me, Princess Eleanor? And I don’t think sex is it.”

“Couldn’t was definitely not in your vocabulary last night, while you were fucking me Nico.”  

“Stop that! Something feels very off about this Princess Eleanor, do you think I’m stupid or something? I know myself well.”

Time to go for the jugular. She thought, Ellie’s eyes filled with tears.

“Why are you treating me this way? Like I’m the villain here?   I am the one that found you last night.  Lonely, craving the touch of a woman. That pain, in your eyes, that’s there right now, wasn’t there last night when we were together.  It was replaced with something else.  I was there for you when you needed me most, on a very basic carnal level.”

Ellie got out of bed slipping back on her gown and robe, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“Now I know you just used me for a moment of pleasure.  Did you ever think the reason every relationship you’ve ever been in fails is because it’s your fault, for your lack of trust in people?”  

Nico looked shocked and taken back by her words.  His features had softened and she could start to see a look of guilt in his eyes.  

“Princess Eleanor……”  

“Leave me alone!!!”

She allowed herself to burst into tears in front of him as she quickly slipped by him running out of his room.  

When Ellie was what she thought to be a decent distance from his room, she wiped the tears from her eyes, and a slow smile crept across her face.

“I Got you now Nico Karahalios.”

Several hours later

Ellie was sitting in her first class at the Crown Academy when her phone beeped.

"Eleanor, we need to talk."

"New phone who dis?"

“You know who this is.”

Ellie's phone began to ring.

Her professor gave Ellie a look as she went to walk out of the classroom; Ellie came up with a quick lie.

"It's my father. You know, the King of this country."

"Make it quick, Princess Eleanor."

Ellie raised an eyebrow.

"Or take your time and send the King my regards."

Ellie walked out of the classroom.

"Hello?" Ellie responded with a hint of playfulness to her voice.

"You know it's me. We need to talk."

"Come get me."

"Eleanor, I'm still on leave."

"Well then you don't want to talk then do you Nico?"

She hung up on him.

She smirked at her phone.

Within the hour, the classroom phone rang.

"He's here now? On the way to my class?"

The professor looked at Ellie.

"Gather your things Eleanor. Your guard is on the way here now."

There was a knock on the door.

Nico stood  at the door in his signature black King's Guardman suit and black sunglasses. He looked  cleanly shaven; he looked like his normal self.

"The King requests the Princess Immediately."

Ellie gathered her things together at a snail's pace with a slight smirk.

"Well don't keep the King waiting, Princess Eleanor."

She still continued gathering her things slowly..  She could tell by the way his face was positioned even with his shades on, Nico was intently watching her.

As they walked down the hall, him a few paces ahead of her, surveying the area for any threats not knowing the real threat….was Ellie herself. At least to him anyway.

"The King requests me urgently?"

"Yes, Your Highness." Nico confirmed as they past several staff  members.

Ellie laughed softly.

Finally outside the building Ellie speaks to him in a matter of fact voice.  

"My parents are in Italy, Nico."

"You're playing games Princess, and I am not your toy. I asked to talk to you. We really need to talk."

"And I told you to come get me."

"And I did even though I don't know how I am to explain that I came to get you when I am technically still on leave."

"Do you believe something happened between us, Nico?"

"I do not, Princess Eleanor; it makes no sense."

He pulled through the gate up to the royal entrance to the palace, opening the door for her.

Ellie glared at him.

"So nothing happened between you and I?"

"No Eleanor, nothing happened, I don't understand what your motive is with me here, but I will figure it out.. Figure… you out."

"Then why is it I know that when you come you grunt phrases in Greek? It was pretty easy to figure out what the word grigorótera means. It's faster, am I right?"

Nico looked surprised, and started to speak but stammered.

Ellie scoffed and was annoyed at him. "Use your words."

She impatiently tapped her foot at him.  “I’m done with this.  If you don’t mind, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my afternoon relaxing by the pool.”

Nico grabbed her arm while she pushed her way by him.  

He immediately let go when he saw the absolutely dark and furious look on the Crown Princess’s face.

“My apologies,Your Highness. I shouldn’t have…..”

“Yes.  There are a lot of things you SHOULDN’T have done.”  

With her parents away in Italy and her siblings still at school, Ellie was left to her own devices.   Being still early in the afternoon and it being a warm sunny day, she decided to go for a dip in the pool.  Ellie thumbed through her multiple bathing suits with a critical eye, looking for just the right one.  She settled on one she had only worn once that upon revealing herself in it, the King nearly lost his mind.  King Liam was rather protective over his daughters and his wife when it came to their attire.

Ellie seductively walked out to the pool in her barely there bikini. knowing she was being watched picking a lounge chair in the sun to meticulously rubbing sunscreen over her body.  

“Ellie…. He’s not going to fall for it. This is a fool’s errand.”  

“It isn’t Father. He’s just trying to resist right now.  Besides, I've planted doubt.  He’ll come to me again.”

She thought he would show himself, but he didn’t, but she knew... he was watching her the whole time.

That evening as she had just settled into her bed, flicking off the night table lamp she heard something on her balcony.  

Instead of calling for security, she grabbed the stiletto Aunt Liv had given her for her birthday.

Ellie crept to the balcony door, opening it, and  swiftly stabbed the night air with the stiletto. He grabbed her arm mid air and twisted the stiletto out of her hand before pushing her back into the room.

“Jesus Christ! Are you trying to kill me?”  Nico exclaimed in a forced whisper putting the stiletto on her dresser.

Yes.

“No.  Why are you here Nico?”

“You tried to tempt me with your display earlier.”

“Since you’re here, it looks like it worked.”

Nico stared at her in silence.

“I told you to use your words.”

He stepped closer to her.  She was surprised by the look in his eyes.

“Do we really need them for what I’m about to do to you?”

She smirked at him.  “No.”  

Well.....Ellie was right.

[from-the-dark-past]

Interview with Anders Ohlin in The Black Metal Murders: English translation

Translator’s note: Black metal-morden (English: The Black Metal Murders) is a radio documentary from 2017 produced by Radio Sweden (download). It’s about Mayhem and the Norwegian black metal scene in the ‘90s and contains interviews with Jørn “Necrobutcher” Stubberud, Kjetil Manheim, Eirik “Messiah” Norheim and Anders Ohlin (Pelle Ohlin’s younger brother). 

Here, I’ve translated the parts where Anders Ohlin speaks into English (from Swedish). I’ve added time-stamps and short descriptions for the different sections of the interview. 

I am working on translating the interviews with Necrobutcher, Manheim and Messiah and will post them soon. 

1:51 - 6:35 [Talking about him and Pelle getting into extreme metal]

Anders: We’d started listening to hard rock and it was… We’d, like, worked through all of those… Judas Priest and Iron Maiden. 

Narrator: It’s the mid-1980s in Västerhaninge, a suburb of Stockholm. Pelle Ohlin lives here. He plays in the extreme metal band Morbid and his stage name is Dead. Pelle has introduced his five-years-younger brother to hard rock. Together, they’ve worked through all of the main bands. 

Anders: And you, like, hungered for this… This Other. 

Narrator: The ‘Other’ that younger brother Anders is talking about is extreme metal; music that is faster, darker and harder. A progression of hard rock. Music that isn’t easy to get your hands on at this time. Anders is in his early teens and has gotten his first girlfriend. 

Anders: It was my first relationship and it was super-exciting, and I was at her house, she lived in Jordbro, which is, like, the neighbouring suburb. 

Narrator: Anders’ girlfriend’s older sister has an LP that Anders simply must show his older brother Pelle. 

Anders: It was, like, you knew it was good music, and it was that Destruction record. 

Narrator: Anders sees the German death metal band Destruction’s cover and it’s enough for him to understand that this must be good music. [...] 

Anders: This. This here isn’t Judas Priest and it isn’t Iron Maiden; it’s something else. I’ve got show this fucking record to Pelle. 

Narrator: Anders nags [his girlfriend’s older sister] to borrow the LP. He’s allowed to, but only for the day, so he bikes home in the rain from Jordbro to Västerhaninge as quickly as he can. 

Anders: And it was like [excited noise], like a cartoon; the evil wolf, their eyes bulge out and we both ran -- because we hadn’t heard the LP, only seen the cover -- ran to the record player och then Mom walks up and is like: ‘Stop! You’re forbidden from using the gramophone.’ And it was like, fucking hell, is it going to die here and then we explained to Mom -- ‘This is an extreme record and we’ve borrowed it for the day and it’s going back tomorrow,’ -- and Mom was super-harsh and was like: ‘It doesn’t matter. [...]’ And then we started negotiating and agreed that we could record the LP onto cassette [because you don’t need volume for that]. So, it was on full-blast the entire night and we recorded it and stood bent over the record scratches and were like,‘Shit, this is good stuff’. 

Narrator: Pelles hard rock style stands out against the usual sweatpant-Bagheera-jacket [style], not least the music. 

Anders: The ideals that existed at that time were that you were supposed to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, which neither he nor I did [laughs]. You were supposed to be handsome and cool and have some fucking helipad on your head. 

Translator’s note: Anders is talking about a flat-top haircut commonly referred to as a ‘helikopterplattafrisyr’ -- helipad haircut -- in Sweden. Think H.R. Haldeman. I’m not sure what the English term for this haircut is. 

Narrator: Anders and Pelle are apart of a small subculture; extreme metal, with subgenres such as trash metal, death metal and black metal, which provokes with its satanic and morbid symbols. Pelle’s band Morbid pushes the limits of what music can sound like. With his stage-name Dead, Pelle sings on the demo December Moon. The new subculture is not embraced by the adult world. 

Anders: Like, we faced this fucking cultural oppression as hardrockers. It was that time-period… And especially if you wanted to do something that was worse than hard rock; it was completely judged. 

14:52 - 15:53 [Talking about Pelle being bullied] 

Anders: He was beaten at school and to such an extent that he actually died for a while, or however you put it. 

Narrator: There’s an explanation to Pelle’s obsession with death. At 13, he was bullied at school and once, he was beaten so badly that his spleen burst. Pelle’s brother Anders Ohlin tells the story.

Anders: He was beaten to death and had some near-death experience as he was laying in the hospital and he kept coming back to that all the time, and I think you can see that as some sort of theme in his songs too. Like, it’s always about the fact that he was actually there and touched something that he doesn’t know what it is, and that was the engine in all that. He was definitely [at the bottom of the pecking order] at school, precisely because he was a bit… He had his special... his special style and was, like, uncompromising, and that was what singled him out, I’d say, markedly from other teenagers. 

18:07 - 18:30 [Talking about Pelle’s depression]

Anders: He would neglect to eat, just to get a cassette tape out or arrange a gig somewhere. 

Narrator: Anders Ohlin, Pelle’s brother. 

Anders: To be a bit harsh, I think that the others gave up at some point. And that’s my personal interpretation. That he suddenly turns around and notices that he hasn’t got the gang with him. And I think that destroyed him. 

21:50 - 22:30 [Talking about Pelle’s suicide] 

Anders: At first, I was actually really pissed at him… Or, like, angry, enraged. I thought that he’d abandoned us -- which he has. That it was so shitty of him; to just take off and leave this big fucking abscess to the rest of us that just kept growing and growing as the years passed. 

Narrator: Christmases become especially painful for the Ohlin family, because that was the time Pelle usually came home. 

Anders: No one felt good on Christmas Eve. It was like a fucking ghost all Christmas. Brutal. So, I remember that I couldn’t celebrate Christmas at all for a very long time. 

1:06:39 - 1:09:31 [Talking about how he and Pelle’s Swedish friends remember him and his life today]

Anders: All of his Swedish friends see him as this exuberantly happy guy that spews ideas and is funny and has a sense of humor and stuff. Then, it’s like a line is drawn when he goes to Norway and they see him as introverted and mysterious and, like, difficult. And that’s two opposite images. 

Narrator: The Pelle Myth is associated with a lot of darkness and death but that’s not how his brother Anders and Pelle’s Swedish friends remember him.  

Anders: I think that’s been the devastating part, but it, like, helped him build… strengthen that myth. It’s hard being that funny dude and saying that you’re, like, Satan. It’s hard, it becomes, like, silly. 

Narrator: Anders is often reminded of Pelle. Usually because of happy memories but also because of that image that he is fighting to remove; the image that Øystein took of Pelle’s corpse which spread because it became the album cover of a Mayhem bootleg, Dawn of the Black Hearts. The image lives its own life on the internet. 

Anders: It’s difficult. It’s very difficult. 

Narrator: Pelle’s fans often want to become Facebook friends with Anders; he receives 3-5 friend requests per day. Sometimes, the people sending the friend requests have themselves shared the image on their social channels. 

Anders: You say you want to be my friend yet you have an image of my brother from when he’s just killed himself and like… body parts all over the wall. Would you think it was okay if I had an image of your brother like that? ‘What,’ they excuse themselves. ‘Oh, fuck, I’d forgotten that I had that image, that’s… Of course, I’ll remove it and I’m ashamed.’ 

Narrator: When Anders asks people to remove the image, most do. 

Anders: I’m terrified for when my children will start to Google those images… Øystein’s parents inherited the rights after Øystein died and [Øystein’s dad] has destroyed the images and I’ve received the rights, gotten to take over the rights from Øystein’s dad, so if anyone uses them in any form is printed media, I can sue the shit out of them. 

Narrator: It’s a small comfort every time one of Pelle’s fans tells Anders how much Pelle means. 

Anders: Most often, they have some story. They tell me how they’ve had a tough period in life and how they’ve, like, really been at a crossroads or something and feel that they received guidance from Pelle’s music. That warms -- That makes you happy. That really warms your heart. 

Narrator: Pelle’s grave is well-visited and every now and then, there’s a handwritten letter or a box of snus by it. 

[swinterr]

fic rec vi ♡

hi!

this is a another new set of fic rec and i’ll probably do a compilation of genre (?) just like the first ones.

made some changes like tidying up a bit and adding summary, for those that doesn’t have any summary i’ll try my best to add my own summary (it will probably be shit tho, i ain’t making a smut summary guys, i’m not confident in my describing a fic ability but i’ll try my best. if its in italic it means i made the summary hehez )  if the summary is shit, i made it okay.

read and support the fic and authors here: the fic rec ♡

a for angst

f for fluff

s for smut

// for series or list

nct 

jeno

no title by @tyongf-nct | s

- smut blurb.

body guards and boyfriend by @pastelsicheng | f

-  sometimes the only way you can really get some alone time with your boyfriend is by making his job hard.

lipstick smears by @kopikokun | f

-  jeno never thought trying to get his makeup artist’s attention would be this hard.

jaehyun

[10:30] by @moonttaeil | 

- a lockdown moment.

[2:40] by @nct-jungjaehyun | f a

- cute quality fluff time with bf!jae with a dash of angst.

[11:41] by @jeongvision | f 

- family time with apples.

just like magic by @starryhyuck | f s

-  jung jaehyun’s body count is almost as high as yours. however, after yuta spreads a nasty rumor, you learn that jaehyun’s always imagined those girls to be you instead.

love to hate me by @moonctzeny | s a 

-  you and jaehyun meet as sm trainees, developing a friendship until he debuts and you decided to leave the company and pursue a solo career. when you reunite again in a music show and he acts like he barely knows you, you stubbornly begin a series of hate-brimmed sex rendez-vous. your touch-and-go relationship continues on, until a song collaboration will force you both to deal with all your repressed feelings for each other.

moving on by @ddeonghwaa | f a

- reader has been chasing jae for some time but when she moved on jae suddenly enter the picture.

sun&moon by @ppangjae | f a

-  asking jeong jaehyun to accompany you to your family’s 1-week christmas vacation as your boyfriend has its consequences. one can surely get through 1 week of pretending to be in love with an enemy, right?

snack run with a snack by @kopikokun | f 

-  on your usual movie night with the members, they assign you sudden snack collecting duty. you’re a little peeved, but at least jaehyun offers to tag along. Unfortunately for you, things really aren’t going in your favour tonight.

lover boy by @neoct-zen | f s

- bunch fics of lover boy jae and reader.

jungwoo

one more time, please by @haequarius | f s

-  you don’t know what you and Jungwoo are, but you are certainly weak for him.

jealous by @whiplashsan | s 

-  jungwoo is all smiles and sunshine until he gets jealous, and he just so happens to get jealous over the smallest things when it comes to you.

doyoung

sugar, spice and everything not nice by @alreadyblondenow | s

-  doyoung getting your ring size wrong, unprotected sex, kitchen sex, slight fingering, wedding tragedies.

no title by @ncteaxhoe | s

- dom!doyoung, rough? i need holy water.

the little one by @ethaeriyeol | f 

-  a gift of life; female reader x husband!Doyoung; fluff, light angst, married au

lucas

exquisite taste by @weishenkonbini | s f

- smut but with a fluffy ending.

for you always by @labyrinthsofyou | f

-  in which you surprise yukhei when he forgets about your date.

6:19 by @cozykpopblurbs | f

- a cute fluff ft kun and winwin.

10:18 pm by @nctsoftarchives | f

- reader supports lucas at his superm debut stage. 

16:47 by @sichengssmile | f s 

- a fluffy smut. lucas a big boi.

missed you by @tokyobts | a f

-  after you and yukhei broke up, yukhei still has feelings for you. he reaches out to you at school and tries to get you back. at first you avoid him but later his actions manage to make your heart flutter. you’ve come to a sudden conclusion that you maybe still want him in your life.

johnny

34 + 35 by @domjaehyun | s 

- you and your husband johnny decide to take your marriage to the next step.

i couldn’t wait a little longer by @alreadyblondenow | s f a

-  you two were never together longer than two days, but the feelings, oh the feelings that you have for each other is clear as the day. it was a never-ending try of making the relationship official. johnny tried, you tried but it never happens.

what happens in korea, not stays in korea by @alreadyblondenow | f s 

-  a week vacation in korea for your sister’s wedding became even more exciting when a famous dj had a crush on you. johnny was sure that it’s love at first sight. not putting both of your careers on the line, you two had no regrets when the time comes and you finally leave.

laundry day by @immabiteyou | s

- a domestic fluffy smut.

make a wish by @sluttyten | s f a

-  you’re jungwoo’s sister, and he’s made it clear he wants you and Johnny to have nothing to do with each other. so you and johnny start fake dating to piss him off.

want it all by @sluttyten | f s 

-  you are entirely innocent to the point of being naive. johnny is not innocent, but he loves that you are because it means he can teach you everything you don’t know.

sungchan

wish i was her by @softsungchan | f a 

-  you wished you were her, laying in Sungchan’s arms and feeling his warm breath on your neck, giggling about sweet nothings whispered into the starry night. You wished for it to be you, the girl he liked.

2:21 am by @the32ndbeat | f 

- sungchan being whipped, thru a text message.

haechan

14:52 by @ukiyoexo | f

- a cute haechan and reader ft the reader’s baby sister moment.

prince’s order by @nsheetee | f

-  prince haechan nurses you after you faint, and orders you to stay with him until you feel better.

sweet treat by @markresonates | s

-  haechan takes you for ice cream but all you can think about is sex with him.  when you act like a brat, eventually you end up in the bathroom. with no panties. 

clingy by @love-mi | f 

-  I’m not clingy! I just love your company and constantly want to be around you and have your full attention at all times

mark

hyuck is always right by @luvrenjun00 | f 

- ceo!mark x reader ft baby donghyuck. a tooth-rotting fluff.

taeyong

snow storm by @whereisten | f s 

- a fluffy smut whilst a snow storm.

1:59 by @smoll-tangerine | f

- reader and taeyong ft my favorite game (where i always die first) among us!

bts

taehyung

is this allowed 1 2 by @seokiie  | f s

- how were you supposed to know bts would be filming at your coffee shop today? how were you supposed to know a certain curly-haired boy would take a liking  to you?

cabin pressure | f by @jiminrings | f 

-  pilot!y/n who accidentally became famous bc of a viral post about her, best friend!jimin!, taehyung having a shy lil crush on you aND ot7 being meanies for a tad bit :((

art major!tae and biochem major!yn | f by @jiminrings | f

-  tae’s cold and probably needs a friend more than he needs a model, y/n feels this nEED to take care of him, a term of enderment then a dash of emotional constipation and a sprinkle of jealousy :D

gank mid lane by @kimtaehyunq | f s 

- gank / verb: (in a video game) use underhand means to defeat or kill (a less experienced opponent)

birthday surprise by @ephemeralkookie |

-  like every year, you prepare a little surprise for your boyfriend’s birthday, one that you’ve been preparing for days. and after a very tiring day, taehyung only wants to spend the night in your loving arms.

jungkook

cookies & cream | s by @1kook | f s 

-  jungkook will watch a thousand cheesy christmas movies if it meant making you happy. (and maybe having his dick sucked.)

unholy night | s by @ephemeralkookie | f s

-  after a christmas day passed with the Jeon’s family, Jungkook decides to transform the holy night into an unholy one.

‘a short’ abstinence | s a by @seokiie | s a

-  maybe blue-balling you boyfriend (who has an insanely high sexual drive) wasn’t the best.

in which she’s done with him by @minstrivia | a

-  jungkook angst/fluff where he always pushes oc away (who confesses her feelings but was cruelly rejected) and insults her but she always comes back to take care of him when he’s drunk or picks him up from his one night stands and she finally decides to leave him alone.

bad influence by @noteguk | s 

-  in which you know jungkook is a bad influence on you, but you can’t avoid falling for him every time.

jock!jk and shy art major!yn by @jiminrings | f

-  established relationship ft. jock!jk and shy art major!y/n, y/n gets an unexpected pep talk and jungkook doubts himself, and either so much tears or so much dUST according to kook

special affair by @1oserjk | f

-  sugar daddy au except it’s just jk spoiling u thru animal crossing

fairy of shampoo by @ironicarmy | f s

-  sundays are for relaxation, house cleaning, and happiness.

abstract ft bob ross by @mimithings97 | f

-  paintbrush in one hand, joint in the other and you sitting on his dick is what jeongguk wants. and what jeongguk wants, jeongguk gets.

badboy!jungkook by @jungshookz | f 

- badboy!jungkook falls for good girl reader ft the boys and the reader’s apple. 

growing by @lesgetittkookie | f

- dad!jungkook teacher his daughter how to walk. super super cute family/domestic fluff.

quiet, baby by @bratkook | s 

- i don’t how to write a summary on smuts so imma just put this. reader and jungkook doing something in the subway.

still want that by @whatifyoulivelikethat | s

-  fucking min yoongi ex-girlfriend? a terrible idea. being hopelessly in love with her at the same time? an even worse idea. knowing he was being used and still doing it anyway? ah, Jeon Jungkook, what are you doing? part 2 of savage love.

desiderium by @jeonggukingdom | f s 

-  “we’ve been at it like rabbits, how are you still so horny?”. a newlyweds!au smut.

chapstick by @softyoongiionly | f s

- based on the time Jungkook said he needed someone to scold him so he’d remember to put lip balm on. or jungkook’s had a really long day and the only that can make it better, is seeing you. 

lover boy by @jingukk | f 

-  jungkook likes you. a lot.

unexpected confession by @sunkissedjk | f

-  you gathered up the courage to confess your feelings, but it seems everyone in school knows about it before you could even find him.

string attached by @ephemeralkookie | s

-  jungkook is what we can call your sexfriend. No strings attached, just you and him having fun and releasing the huge pressure and stress of being idols. But after spending an entire day together, you realize that maybe he’s not just your sexfriend.

no title by @himbojk | f s 

- dilf jk.

astro

eunwoo

ceo!eunwoo by @m0onbean

no title by @yutopiada | f

- a cute idol!reader and eunwoo moment at a music show.

disney by @bangchan-sonyeondan | f

- a cute date with eunwoo at disney. reader likes vintage things hence using a disposable camera.

baby, it’s cold outside by @fresh-outta-jams | f 

- a cute cold christmas fluff with eunwoo ft. the boys. reader went to the boys’ place for a sweater and cocoa gift exchange.

got7

yugyeom

cruel brothers by @imsarabum | f

-  jackson and jaebum have always acted as if they were your big, overprotective brothers. so when they both walk in on you and yugyeom in a very intimate position, things get a little tense!

txt

soobin

a special night by @gyuluster | f

-  an intimate insight on the first night of choi soobin’s wedding, consisting of kitchen floors, witches and an eternity of love.

boughs & branches by @jeogiyall | f 

-  decorating the tree with boyfriend! choi soobin from txt! fluffity fluff fluff with a lot of cute fluff thrown in and a dash of christmastime fluff. 

sleepy binnie by @immabiteyou | s

-  “i’ll let you do anything if you just touch me now. “ a sleepy soobin smut.

cake by @immabiteyou | s

- reading waiting for mc soobin with the guys. a cute fluffy smut moment.

kpop oc/s

seri by @ggukkiedae

anyway, thank you again for the writers please take care and be safe!

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[qqueenofhades]

Re: the post you reblogged about Bush. I'm 21 and tbh feel like I can only vote for Bernie, can you explain if/why I shouldn't? Thanks and sorry if this is dumb or anything.

Oh boy. Okay, I’ll do my best here. Note that a) this will get long, and b) I’m old, Tired, and I‘m pretty sure my brain tried to kill me last night. Since by nature I am sure I will say something Controversial ™, if anyone reads this and feels a deep urge to inform me that I am Wrong, just… mark it down as me being Wrong and move on with your life. But also, really, you should read this and hopefully think about it. Because while I’m glad you asked this question, it feels like there’s a lot in your cohort who won’t, and that worries me. A lot.

First, not to sound utterly old-woman-in-a-rocking-chair ancient, people who came of age/are only old enough to have Obama be the first president that they really remember have no idea how good they had it. The world was falling the fuck apart in 2008 (not coincidentally, after 8 years of Bush). We came within a flicker of the permanent collapse of the global economy. The War on Terror was in full roar, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were at their height, we had Dick Cheney as the cartoon supervillain before we had any of Trump’s cohort, and this was before Chelsea Manning or Edward Snowden had exposed the extent of NSA/CIA intelligence-gathering/American excesses or there was any kind of public debate around the fact that we were all surveilled all the time. And the fact that a brown guy named Barack Hussein Obama was elected in this climate seems, and still seems tbh, kind of amazing. And Obama was certainly not a Perfect President ™. He had to scale back a lot of planned initiatives, he is notorious for expanding the drone strike/extrajudicial assassination program, he still subscribed to the overall principles of neoliberalism and American exceptionalism, etc etc. There is valid criticism to be made as to how the hopey-changey optimistic rhetoric stacked up against the hard realities of political office. And yet…. at this point, given what we’re seeing from the White House on a daily basis, the depth of the parallel universe/double standards is absurd.

Because here’s the thing. Obama, his entire family, and his entire administration had to be personally/ethically flawless the whole time (and they managed that – not one scandal or arrest in eight years, against the legions of Trumpistas now being convicted) because of the absolute frothing depths of Republican hatred, racial conspiracy theories, and obstruction against him. (Remember Merrick Garland and how Mitch McConnell got away with that, and now we have Gorsuch and Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court? Because I remember that). If Obama had pulled one-tenth of the shit, one-twentieth of the shit that the Trump administration does every day, he would be gone. It also meant that people who only remember Obama think he was typical for an American president, and he wasn’t. Since about… Jimmy Carter, and definitely since Ronald Reagan, the American people have gone for the Trump model a lot more than the Obama model. Whatever your opinion on his politics or character, Obama was a constitutional law professor, a community activist, a neighborhood organizer and brilliant Ivy League intellectual who used to randomly lie awake at night thinking about income inequality. Americans don’t value intellectualism in their politicians; they just don’t. They don’t like thinking that “the elites” are smarter than them. They like the folksy populist who seems fun to have a beer with, and Reagan/Bush Senior/Clinton/Bush Junior sold this persona as hard as they possibly could. As noted in said post, Bush Junior (or Shrub as the late, great Molly Ivins memorably dubbed him) was Trump Lite but from a long-established political family who could operate like an outwardly civilized human.

The point is: when you think Obama was relatively normal (which, again, he wasn’t, for any number of reasons) and not the outlier in a much larger pattern of catastrophic damage that has been accelerated since, again, the 1980s (oh Ronnie Raygun, how you lastingly fucked us!), you miss the overall context in which this, and which Trump, happened. Like most left-wingers, I don’t agree with Obama’s recent and baffling decision to insert himself into the 2020 race and warn the Democratic candidates against being too progressive or whatever he was on about. I think he was giving into the same fear that appears to be motivating the remaining chunk of Joe Biden’s support: that middle/working-class white America won’t go for anything too wild or that might sniff of Socialism, and that Uncle Joe, recalled fondly as said folksy populist and the internet’s favorite meme grandfather from his time as VP, could pick up the votes that went to Trump last time. And that by nature, no one else can.

The underlying belief is that these white voters just can’t support anything too “un-American,” and that by pushing too hard left, Democratic candidates risk handing Trump a second term. Again: I don’t agree and I think he was mistaken in saying it. But I also can’t say that Obama of all people doesn’t know exactly the strength of the political machine operating against the Democratic Party and the progressive agenda as a whole, because he ran headfirst into it for eight years. The fact that he managed to pass any of his legislative agenda, usually before the Tea Party became a thing in 2010, is because Democrats controlled the House and Senate for the first two years of his first term. He was not perfect, but it was clear that he really did care (just look up the pictures of him with kids). He installed smart, efficient, and scandal-free people to do jobs they were qualified for. He gave us Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor to join RBG on the Supreme Court. All of this seems… like a dream.

That said: here we are in a place where Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Elizabeth Warren are the front-runners for the Democratic nomination (and apparently Pete Buttigieg is getting some airplay as a dark horse candidate, which… whatever). The appeal of Biden is discussed above, and he sure as hell is not my favored candidate (frankly, I wish he’d just quit). But Sanders and Warren are 85% - 95% similar in their policy platforms. The fact that Michael “50 Billion Dollar Fortune” Bloomberg started rattling his chains about running for president is because either a Sanders or Warren presidency terrifies the outrageously exploitative billionaire capitalist oligarchy that runs this country and has been allowed to proceed essentially however the fuck they like since… you guessed it, the 1980s, the era of voodoo economics, deregulation, and the free market above all. Warren just happens to be ten years younger than Sanders and female, and Sanders’ age is not insignificant. He’s 80 years old and just had a heart attack, and there’s still a year to go to the election. It’s also more than a little eye-rolling to describe him as the only progressive candidate in the race, when he’s an old white man (however much we like and approve of his policy positions). And here’s the thing, which I think is a big part of the reason why this polarized ideological purity internet leftist culture mistrusts Warren:

She may have changed her mind on things in the past.

Scary, right? I sound like I’m being facetious, but I’m not. An argument I had to read with my own two eyes on this godforsaken hellsite was that since Warren became a Democrat around the time Clinton signed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, she sekritly hated gay people and might still be a corporate sellout, so on and etcetera. (And don’t even get me STARTED on the fact that DADT, coming a few years after the height of the AIDS crisis which was considered God’s Judgment of the Icky Gays, was the best Clinton could realistically hope to achieve, but this smacks of White Gay Syndrome anyway and that is a whole other kettle of fish.) Bernie has always demonstrably been a democratic socialist, and: good for him. I’m serious. But because there’s the chance that Warren might not have thought exactly as she does now at any point in her life, the hysterical and paranoid left-wing elements don’t trust that she might not still secretly do so. (Zomgz!) It’s the same element that’s feeding cancel culture and “wokeness.” Nobody can be allowed to have shifted or grown in their opinions or, like a functional, thoughtful, non-insane adult, changed their beliefs when presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. To the ideological hordes, any hint of uncertainty or past failure to completely toe the line is tantamount to heresy. Any evidence of any other belief except The Correct One means that this person is functionally as bad as Trump. And frankly, it’s only the Sanders supporters who, just as in 2016, are threatening to withhold their vote in the general election if their preferred candidate doesn’t win the primary, and indeed seem weirdly proud about it.

OK, boomer Bernie or Buster.

Here’s the thing, the thing, the thing: there is never going to be an American president free of the deeply toxic elements of American ideology. There just won’t be. This country has been built how it has for 250 years, and it’s not gonna change. You are never going to have, at least not in the current system, some dream candidate who gets up there and parrots the left-wing talking points and attacks American imperialism, exceptionalism, ravaging global capitalism, military and oil addiction, etc. They want to be elected as leader of a country that has deeply internalized and taken these things to heart for its entire existence, and most of them believe it to some degree themselves. So this groupthink white liberal mentality where the only acceptable candidate is this Perfect Non-Problematic robot who has only ever had one belief their entire lives and has never ever wavered in their devotion to doctrine has really gotten bad. The Democratic Party would be considered… maybe center/mild left in most other developed countries. It’s not even really left-wing by general standards, and Sanders and Warren are the only two candidates for the nomination who are even willing to go there and explicitly put out policy proposals that challenge the systematic structure of power, oppression, and exploitation of the late-stage capitalist 21st century. Warren has the billionaires fussed, and instead of backing down, she’s doubling down. That’s part of why they’re so scared of her. (And also misogyny, because the world is depressing like that.) She is going head-on after picking a fight with some of the worst people on the planet, who are actively killing the rest of us, and I don’t know about you, but I like that.

Of course: none of this will mean squat if she (or the eventual Democratic winner, who I will vote for regardless of who it is, but as you can probably tell, she’s my ride or die) don’t a) win the White House and then do as they promised on the campaign trail, and b) don’t have a Democratic House and Senate willing to have a backbone and pass the laws. Even Nancy Pelosi, much as she’s otherwise a badass, held off on opening a formal impeachment inquiry into Trump for months out of fear it would benefit him, until the Ukraine thing fell into everyone’s laps. The Democrats are really horrible at sticking together and voting the party line the way Republicans do consistently, because Democrats are big-tent people who like to think of themselves as accepting and tolerant of other views and unwilling to force their members’ hands. The Republicans have no such qualms (and indeed, judging by their enabling of Trump, have no qualms at all). 

The modern American Republican party has become a vehicle for no-holds-barred power for rich white men at the expense of absolutely everything and everyone else, and if your rationale is that you can’t vote for the person opposing Donald Goddamn Trump is that you’re just not vibing with them on the language of that one policy proposal… well, I’m glad that you, White Middle Class Liberal, feel relatively safe that the consequences of that decision won’t affect you personally. Even if we’re due to be out of the Paris Climate Accords one day after the 2020 election, and the issue of climate change now has the most visibility it’s ever had after years of big-business, Republican-led efforts to deny and discredit the science, hey, Secret Corporate Shill, am I right? Can’t trust ‘er. Let’s go have a craft beer.

As has been said before: vote as far left as you want in the primary. Vote your ideology, vote whatever candidate you want, because the only way to make actual, real-world change is to do that. The huge, embedded, all-consuming and horrible system in which we operate is not just going to suddenly be run by fairy dust and happy thoughts overnight. Select candidates that reflect your values exactly, be as picky and ideologically militant as you want. That’s the time to do that! Then when it comes to the general election:

America is a two-party system. It sucks, but that’s the case. Third-party votes, or refraining from voting because “it doesn’t matter” are functionally useless at best and actively harmful at worst.

Either the Democratic candidate or Donald Trump will win the 2020 election.

There is absolutely no length that the Republican/GOP machine, and its malevolent allies elsewhere, will not go to in order to secure a Trump victory. None.

Any talk whatsoever about “progressive values” or any kind of liberal activism, coupled with a course of action that increases the possibility of a Trump victory, is hypocritical at best and actively malicious at worst.

This is why I found the Democratic response to Obama’s “don’t go too wild” comments interesting. Bernie doubled down on the fact that his plans have widespread public support, and he’s right. (Frankly, the fact that Sanders and Warren are polling at the top, and the fact that they’re politicians and would not be crafting these campaign messages if they didn’t know that they were being positively received, says plenty on its own). Warren cleverly highlighted and praised Obama’s accomplishments in office (i.e. the Affordable Care Act) and didn’t say squat about whether she agreed or disagreed with him, then went right back to campaigning about why billionaires suck. And some guy named Julian Castro basically blew Obama off and claimed that “any Democrat” could beat Trump in 2020, just by nature of existing and being non-insane.

This is very dangerous! Do not be Julian Castro!

As I said in my tags on the Bush post: everyone assumed that sensible people would vote for Kerry in 2004. Guess what happened? Yeah, he got Swift Boated. The race between Obama and McCain in 2008, even after those said nightmare years of Bush, was very close until the global crash broke it open in Obama’s favor, and Sarah Palin was an actual disqualifier for a politician being brazenly incompetent and unprepared. (Then again, she was a woman from a remote backwater state, not a billionaire businessman.) In 2012, we thought Corporate MormonBot Mitt Fuggin’ Romney was somehow the worst and most dangerous candidate the Republicans could offer. In 2016, up until Election Day itself, everyone assumed that HRC was a badly flawed candidate but would win anyway. And… we saw how that worked out. Complacency is literally deadly.

I was born when Reagan was still president. I’m just old enough to remember the efforts to impeach Clinton over forcing an intern to give him a BJ in the Oval Office (This led by the same Republicans making Donald Trump into a darling of the evangelical Christian right wing.) I’m definitely old enough to remember 9/11 and how America lost its mind after that, and I remember the Bush years. And, obviously, the contrast with Obama, the swing back toward Trump, and everything that has happened since. We can’t afford to do this again. We’re hanging by a thread as it is, and not just America, but the entire planet.

So yes. By all means, vote for Sanders in the primary. Then when November 3, 2020 rolls around, if you care about literally any of this at all, hold your nose if necessary and vote straight-ticket Democrat, from the president, to the House and Senate, to the state and local offices. I cannot put it more strongly than that.

[mrs-snape5984]

“Free me from this pain, I’ve been running from…”

“I'm tired and I'm free falling. Free me! I'm lost and I am calling you…” (“Free me” by Sia)

I’ve experienced some very rough hardships in my almost 40 years lasting existence in this world…but I’ve never given up on myself. I knew, that I’d have to fight my way back out of these horrible miseries, and I kept my faith to find the path to better times…to find the path, which will lead me upwards again.

I admit, these hardships left their marks, their scars on me. They formed my heart and my mindset…they made me the person, that I am today. I learned my lessons…and I kept going.

Since I’m living struggling with this goddamn bitch of a disease, called ME/CFS, my life has only one direction: It’s going downhill…and it’s getting faster! In these past 1,5 years, I’ve lost more and more of all the things, which made my life worth living for. I lost my ability to do my job as a pedagogue and social worker. I lost my freedom, since I’m stuck in my dark room day and night. I lost a lot of social contacts, since screen time is messing with my brain and each phone call costs me too much energy. I lost my capability to be an active mother for my three children…and this is the part, that hurts the most. Damn, I lost so much more…and I feel my heart shattering in pieces every fucking day!

Everything in my life is slowly falling apart and I’m losing my grip on reality…and on myself! The newest pain in the ass is probably my habit of passing out every few days. My whole system shuts down in the middle of a simple talk or something else and I’m falling into unconsciousness! I can’t remember the things, I’ve done before…I’m just blacked out for several hours. At first, my kids were afraid in these moments…especially when they couldn’t wake me up from this state! But now, they simply accept that “quirk” of mine as their new reality…and my motherly heart is aching for them. This shouldn’t be their reality! They shouldn’t have to live with a mother, who’s always in the dark…who’s always lying in bed! They’re children!! They shouldn’t have to whisper in my presence. I should be the person, they can rely on unconditionally!! Fuck…my heart is bleeding…and I’m sorry for my pathetic venting.

I need a way out of this hell…but since there isn’t any possibility for me right now, I’ll keep on clinging on Severus. My fantasies of him and my way of coping with my misery by writing stories about him and my - oh so self-inserted - OC Julia/Jules are the only thing, that keeps me mentally stable functioning. Well…at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I mean, I know how depressed my posts might seem.

My favourite artist for my darkest ideas is my friend @madfantasy. I told Mani about my wish to be freed from my darkness…to be cured from my disease. I need a saviour…a true hero…I need Severus! Since there aren’t any promising medical treatments, I’ll need a magical miracle to get rescued. And this is exactly, what Severus is trying for me. He conjures the demons inside my soul and forces them to leave my body. Severus is the only person, who’s brave enough to face the darkness within me. He’s my knight…and the love of my life. 21 years of my life, it was Severus, who kept me going…who inspired me with his resilience and his courage! A lot of those previous hardships could be endured by me, because I had something, I believed in. I had something, that gave me confidence and strength. I had Severus. So, please…don’t let me lose my hope and my faith in his support. And don’t let me lose my faith in myself.

Mani, my precious friend, I’m stunned by your ability to understand my ideas. Every time, I’m commissioning you for another project, your art helps me to soothe my troubled heart. It is as if you’re drawing my feelings!! I can sense my own emotions in every single line of your drawing. You don’t know, how grateful I am that I was allowed to meet you here. I love our conversations and our understanding for each other. Feel hugged, Mani! I’m sending you so much love! 🫂🫂 (fly fly) 🥹🖤 Thank you for everything.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[rhaenyraisadyke]

Healthy Competition Transcript: 7/25/21

It's the entire thing so I hope this helps!

W: Hey.. Phil

P: Oh.. Hey

W: Hey, hey Phil how’s it going? How's It going man?

P: Oh, it's going, it's going alright.

W:I just thought I'd visit, Phil. I just thought you knew I would come and visit you. I haven’t seen you in awhile.

W: Phil I must confess I have come to you with a bit of a proposition. You into propositions Phil? Are you a proposition kind of guy?

P: Oh it depends depends, oh you, you’ve had some pretty lets just say not a great track record of propositions you’ve had in the past

W: I mean I’m trying to move past that. Listen Phil, I met Quackity after you kindly lent me your house, I went and met him, I met up with him, and I hadn't seen him in ages and it was nice, it felt good. He didn't seem afraid of me. Which is cool, not many people do. Phil, you don’t seem afraid of me?

P: No. No not at all

W: Good. Good because I’m not afraid of you. Uh.. Listen I met quackity and I hung out with him and I came to one conclusion about him and MY GOD the pricks resourceful aint he.

P: Yes.. he’s very.. he's one of the richest on the server at the minute. He's one of the richest people

W: What happened? What? You, you are telling me Quackity, the guy who made SWAG party, would be the richest man, geez I wouldn’t have believed you for a second but here we are.

But look, Phil, I am a bit of a propagator of the idea that capitalism shouldn’t be unchecked. You know the free market, maybe isn’t ever really that free you know. I am a bit into my interjection, you know the government interjection but there’s isn't a government anymore phi its anarchy it's pretty much what ah I see his name I see his name. (Ran boo)

P: Ha, Ha you see it

W: As much as I disagree with your opinions on anarchy. It's pretty harmless. I can’t hate you for it. I can’t hate you for literally living in a peaceful little village in the snow, I mean the server, it's never been this peaceful since the countries and nations and cities… So Phil I came to you with one question. Do you think quackity should be allowed to be left unchecked?

P: Uh no.

W: Do you think he should be allowed to grow? Oh you answered already. I agree with you Phil, I also don’t think quackity should be allowed to be left unchecked.

But you know what the problem is, there’s no Interpol, there’s no government, there’s no police force.. Technoblade spent this entire time taking down the establishment and what he's left with as predicted a POWER VACUUM for a new establishment to come in and this establishment is ahh ahh pretty unethical Phil its gambling, you a fan of gambling

P: Oh gods

W: This servers like 50% children Phil..

P: oh gods that's terrible.. yeah no that's awful.

W: ahh haha don’t sound too..

P: Gambling ruins peoples lives dude.

W: TRUE TRUE! And you know what He's getting away with , Phil. I have a proposition for you, I am glad you’re on my side and glad you agree with this Phil. I want to make a burger van.

P: Oh….

W I know when you heard of the burger van, you walked away. I get it. It's a bit of deja vu, but the difference is the burger van isnt gonna sell drugs. We are against toxic money making schemes now. We GENUINELY, genuinely selling burgers, I want to make burgers, I want to make every stake so it has a name. And. And uh (Wilbur re reads the book “Project Nevadas” Quackity left for him)

P: It definitely sounds better than the drug van,

W: yeah yeah yeah that's what I’m going to do Phil, but you see you need to understand I need someone to help me, because I’m not doing this for any reason outside of “I have an aspiration.. a goal in life to be a culinary expert” I want to be chef now Phil. I’m done now with being a President, being a government, being an authority, I want to be a burger man. I wanna sell burgers. That's my calling. That's been my calling all along. There's no ulterior motive behind this plan. I’ve got the real-estate, I’ve got the know-how and I’ve got the chutzpah (it's a yiddish word for guts basically woooo). Phil are you in?

P:I mean, ahh. You know I don’t know much about making burgers and burger vans, but I want to know who does?

W: Who?

P: Ranboo. He could help out.

W: what the fuck does he know about burgers?

P: he's literally the richest most knowledgeable person on the server besides me -

W: Phil you called - that's literally the second person you called the richest on the server. How does being rich climate him know about burgers?

P: Well you said you needed bread, you said you needed resources.. he has everything you could need.

W: What do you mean?

P: And also, he kinda knows… Right i'll be honest i'll be honest will, he's a little bit lonely, um there’s not much going on out here we are in a wilderness, a snowy blizzard wilderness right? Nothing goes on, nothing really happens here.

W: ha haha, sorry sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh at him being lonely. That shouldn’t of tickled me.

P: He needs something to keep him busy, to keep him occupied. He's done everything on the server, he's literally done everything. Give him, give him something else to do. Have fun.

W: I don’t want to. I genuinely don't want to. He's weird Phil. he's the weird neighbor kid.

P: oh STOP no stop!

W: Look at him he's that weird neighbor kid who's got something going on, you know maybe in the basement or something there’s something going on right.

P: he's harmless he's harmless

W: he's harmless now, give him a burger van and he might spatula me. Phil looks at me. Can you imagine a spatula through my skull? Huh?

P: That's not gonna happen. He’s very nice. Go make friends. Alright

W: All I need is a fire aspect sword, a bunch of cows, an anvil and some levels and we can do this Phil.

P: And he (ranboo) can give you all of those.

W: Oh my gosh stop making me play with the neighbor kids.

P: Alright stop I’m putting my foot down. If you don’t go play with them right now, I’m kicking you out of the house.

W: What the fuck?! What do you mean? Kicking? You can’t just kick- ohhhhh

P: I can and will.

W: Phil I’m ah…

P: Be nice. Go say hi, he's great. He's a great guy

W: Look Phil I trust you, I'll trust you this much, and I'll trust you that he's fine and he can help me, BUT if he's shit, you gotta come help. You gotta be burger boy with me.

P: I’ll be around, I'll be around, he's fine, you'll be fine, you guys will get along so well.

W: Thanks Phil…

P: You got this Wil, bye mate.

W: I don’t really want… What is this, why is he treating me like a kid? Like a little baby? Oh shit he's got cows…. Ah aH oh god I wasn’t built for this (gets attacked by a spider which he then crits the spider) There we go.. My man got cows. This bread as well?? No,it's not that he can farm apparently. Wait, that is bread. Wait… was that fire aspect? Is this a set up? I guess I'll befriend him… Knock knock - oh

R: woah oh

W: Hi Ranboo

R: Woah hello

W: You remember me?

R: Yeah I remember you. How are you? Its been awhile

W: It's been a little while, I mean we only met once, I mean I was just coming through visiting me pa, in his little cottage in the snow, very cute in the snow isn't it?

R: Yeah it is very nice

W: I just happened to notice you have a lot of cows.

R: Yeah! yeah I have a nice little cow farm, it's been pretty good for food recently so its been kind of yeah.

W: Can you hit one of them with your sword again please?

R: You want me to kill one?

W: Yeah quickly

R: yeah okay

W: Ranboo, I have a proposition for you

R: Yeah what’s that?

W: I know we have not got off on the best of terms but I'd like to think bygones be bygones let's bury the hatchet, let's be..

R: Yeah

W: Ranboo I’m gonna go out on a limb here, do you want to be friends?

R: S- Sure. I don’t see why not. You seem alright.

W: Cool cool. Thank you, thank you, you seem alright too. Can I come inside?

R: Oh yeah sure sure

W: I have a proposition for you.

R: Do you like my live laugh love sign?

W: Why is life capitalized?

R: it's the most important one

W: Ha, living is the most important one, living Is above laughing and loving?

R: Yeah it's priority number one honestly I just look at it when I wanna know what to do.

W: ha, okay, look look my proposition to you, um (looking at the ranboo rug)

R: Yeah its um it's my nice little rug here

W: We, we will talk in the hallway, my promotion to you ranboo was, as I have a dream of being a culinary chef.

R: Oh really! Thats nice

W: I’ve been doing a lot of things on this server. You know? President, terrorist, dead.

R: yeah that's one of them

W: I feel like the next progression is chef. Every, you know the saying….

R: okay…

W: All musicians wanna be comedians, and all dead terrorist presidents wanna be chefs. So I decided I wanna be a chef.

R: Okay! Okay.

W: I want to be a chef for no other reason than I like cooking okay?

R: Cool!

W: All I need though, is I don’t have much to my name. I have a lot of stones, I have some TnT, I have some stone tools, and a rabbit's foot.

R: Oh okay.

W: But I don’t have the cows, I don’t have the fire aspect sword, and I thought if you wanted to we could um you could we could be business partners. I’ve got the real-estate. I’ve got a great location. It’s gonna be bustling, with people eventually, there’s gonna be people coming and going, hungry too! They’re gonna be coming and going, in and out and in and out and we’ll be here

R: Yeah…

W: And get the money! We will get the money Ranboo.

R: I mean yeah sure I’ve been needing something to do, I’m down for that. That would be cool.

W: Cool, cool come with me. I gotta show you the real-estate.

R: I’m actually really glad

W: I see this as the blooming of a brilliant business relationship or a business partnership. Have you heard of Las Nevadas?

R: ohhh… yeah, yeah I remember I had an old, old cookie stand there awhile back that we just decided to abandon because it was just.. it was more just trouble.

W: A cookie stand?

R: It was more trouble than it was honestly worth.

W: Wait, you tried? You had a cookie stand?

R: I mean yeah….

W: Outside of Las Nevadas? So you did the cooking?

R: Yeah it was a little, yeah

W: Outside of Las Nevadas?

R: Yeah but then, but then, he the guy Quackity, he got all up in arms about it and everything because we decided to expand a little bit and then we just decided it was, it was too much troubles so then we kinda just, we kinda just left it so

W: So he didn't like it? He didn't like your selling of a cookie stand?

R: Yeah he didn't like it all too much. I don’t, I don’t know what it was but like it was just eh it was just more dumb conflict but eh ti was whwatever.

W: Well that's fine, that's fine because we’re Ranboo we’re not gonna annoy quackity… we can’t annoy him because we are simply put, gonna be making, I got the real-estate and he gave me the area and we are going to be making a competing business.

R: okay…

W: Because competition makes business flourish, the consumer.. Do you like the consumer? You’re a bit- a big fan of the consumer ranboo?

R: Yeah yeah, I consume things from time to time

W: Look Ranboo the consumer, the consumer is the one who does well when there is um conflict and competition right?

R: Yeah that makes sense

W: So what I want to do is make competition right? So I want to make competition so when Las Nevadas fully opens up and you can go gambling and stuff I want to make it so that people have options so people don't just have to eat at las Nevadas grills and such. So if they want they can come to our grill,

R: Yeah that's good

W: and the difference is that is that we will make our grill better than theirs and we will make lots of money and then quackity will be able to you know maybe have to make a deal with us and to maybe be our friend and and

R: But we are gonna do this respectfully right? We are gonna do something smaller and everything right?

W: Yeah I have the land and we can make it small and honestly there’s no reason for us to go further out then we need to because you know we got the location. So have you ever been in Las Nevadas or gambling Ranboo?

R: Well no, no one has actually been there when I’ve been there.

W: It’s very fun, gambling is very fun.

R: Ah

W: Gambling is what I would argue like the only reason to go to this Las Nevadas place, I mean there’s nothing else to do there

R: Okay…

W: Its like its ll that happens you know

R: Yeah just gambling

W: There's a strip club there Ranboo

R: OH yeah! For logs

W: You- you into strippers?

R: Um I mean all it just does is make the wood look different so it doesn’t really do much

W: It does make the wood look different. You’re right, you’re right Ranboo. Would you say you like Quackity? Sorry I’m really bombing you with questions right now - eh I just wanna, I want to pick your brain. I wanna know how Ranboo works.

R: Hmm no its okay its okay. I’m completely okay with it, yeah. Um I think that I, hes, I mean the thing is I just haven't seen him in so like long you know the last interaction with him I had was before the stuff that happened with everything else it's just kind of been I don't know, we were part of the same cabinet with New Lmanburg or whatever it was.

W: Cabniet…

R: Yeah Canbiet it was like…

W: A canbiet? Was this with Tubbo…?

R: Yeah yeah he had like me, Fundy, I was the minutes man and I wrote stuff down well they never checked my notes so I don’t know how useful my job was honestly. I don't know if they actually needed me but I was there.

W: Yeah yeah I know that. I know that feeling.

R: Yeah

W: So you were part of the old Lmaburg government? I didn’t know that actually.

R: Yeah, yeah

W: I thought you were a bit of an independent. I thought you were you know… so you would say you are friends with Quackity?

R: I mean yeah.. I mean I’m not really TOO much against him, but I mean yeah

W: Do you dislike anyone Ranboo?

R: Not.. too much I dont think. I mean there are other people I don't agree with of course but I think everyones just a product of what they have gone through and everything so if you understand that then you understand that, then you understand the person.

W: But don’t you think there’s sometimes allying yourself with everyone you know, it can actually make your life more complicated, more complex, more difficult…. more…

R: Yeah….. which is why I’ve kinda just went to live with Techno and Phil kind of away from everything. And try not to involve myself in that much. But then I just have a terrible radar of what is involving myself and what isn't so.

W: Right..

R: It's difficult sometimes.

W: It sounds like you set yourself up for a bit of a stressful, stressful life… So you don’t dislike anyone?

R: Yeah…

W: What about Dream?

R: Ummm yeah Well that's that. With Dream it's kind of like, all I’ve, all I’ve heard about Dream, all I’ve seen about Dream is just been the really bad things that he's done and everything so I would say I- I yeah I don’t really like Dream, but I mean he's also not really someone that it matters whether or not I like him because he's away in that prison for a very long time, so I mean, yeah.

W: With no trail.

R: Well I mean.. he… its

W: This is our competition Ranboo!

R: Oh!

W: Here's the competition

R: Okay. No ones really been here I dont think…

W: Can you even buy anything?

R: I don’t think they have half, half doors… they have

W: Smokers, Furnaces, they don't, it's just nothing

R: Huh.

W: It doesn't benefit the consumer Ranboo does it? Imagine you come here gambling.. First off the fucking door is shut

R: Mhm

W: Wait there’s a hole…

R: ohh… uh? that's interesting. I haven't been here in awhile, I just haven't been outside in awhile honestly.

W: Are we allowed… in?

R: I dont… I dont know.

W: It looks like crap Ranboo. Don't bother, it looks awful.

R: Oh, oh okay. Okay.

W: The point is this does not benefit the consumer right? This building does not benefit the consumer, it's just made to look pretty and make the consumer feel like.. lee do a test. I can promise you me ol, or should I say new pal, that this sign, I guarantee will not go. That will be here forever and that will never leave. (Signs that say “closed forever” “Quackity burger place is crap” “Go behind this building to better burgers'')

R: It's.. I don't know if abandoned is the right word, I don't know what you call it.

W: There we go, I guarantee these signs will stay there because they don’t care about the customer. They only care about looking cool and ooh ooh we got a restaurant, no they dont.

R: Yeah no one is really keeping it up.

W: Let me show you the real-estate. This is the best part, so come with me. Bah bum ba bum bum bum bum ba Oh ranboo, do you see the cock ranboo?

R: Oh that's what that is? I thought it was a clock actually

W: See that cock?

R: Yeah I see it.

W: That's our border. Well, technically, this wood is our border. This area.

R: Okay.

W: This area is ours. I’ve been trying to think of a name for it.

R: Hmm

W: I’m thinking about Paradise.

R: Paradice…

W: How’d you think about Paradise Ranboo?

R: Well I mean it could be good word play with the whole gambling thing.. pair of dice.

W: That is good.. you, you really are a smart cookie, a smart kind of guy.

R: Thank you!

W: Well, this is where I’ve been sort of working. So this is sort of where Tommy and I have been working. Tommy sadly couldn’t be here to help me, and um let me show you where I think we should make the burger van.

R: okay

W: Well I think it should be, it's to be close to the border so that people can access it and then get straight back to gambling. The customer, the customer, is happy, the customer gets their burgers and then goes straight back to gambling. How about we build it here, right here.

R: Right here? Okay that works. So what do you have in mind, you seem to have a vision.

W: 1950s… burger, retro. Red and white stripes.

R: Red and White okay, I have Blue?

W:Blue…

R: I have blue.

W: I’m not a big fan of Blue.

R: oh okay well I don’t really know where to get a lot of red.

W: Flowers… I can get you red. Ranboo you seem to be proficient, you can start building the van I’ll be back.

R: Alright..

W: Also, also give me your fire aspect, I’ll get the beef and then we can begin and we can get the bread.

R: okay uh here

W: Ran-orad, Ranaord? Ranord.

R: I name all my things with different puns. It's just Ran and sword

W: That's good, that's a good one, new friend, I like it. This isn't drawing any parallels to your cookie shop right? This is a completely different feeling?

R: yeah no the cookie shop I’m pretty sure, I don't even know if it was a cookie shop to begin with… because it was a little fortified if i'm entirely honest…

W: Fortified?

R: yeah did you not see like oh! That giant stone structure as you came in here and walked around

W: oH wait, that's a cookie shop?

R: Yeah

W: I thought it was like a, I thought it was like a palisade

R: no I mean tubbo told me it was for cookies but I’m thinking about it now..

W: oh tubbo.. tubbo.

R: I don’t think it was

W: See I like tubbo man, he's strong headed and he doesn't let people push him around.

R: Yeah yeah

W: Did you learn a lot? Did you learn a lot from him?

R: Maybe yeah, I also just, if people aren't willing to change their views or anything I find it unnecessary to mindlessly argue so.

W: So Ranboo you say this yet you show up in all the conflict. I’m not I’m not coming at you like judging you, I'm not one to talk about conflict.

R: Mhm mhm

W: But when I think of Ranboo I don't think of what a calm guy who’s neutral and stays out of everything, I don't think of Switzerland when I think of you ranboo, I think I think you're a bit more dynamic than that, why do you claim that you’re so peaceful and neutral and yet you appear in almost every conflict the server has had since I died.

R: I mean ah, that's because I’m bad at avoiding the thing that I don't like, which is, I don’t know it's it's weird. It's a weird situation that it's mostly my fault but I’ve been doing alright with it recently. I haven't been doing too much to anger people I don't think but I think it's just because I really want to help sometimes and sometimes I let my desire to help people get in the way of what I have previously said or previously claimed about myself.

W: Ranboo? Why did you come to help me?

R: Well because I think, well I need one I kind of need something to do and this is pretty fun, I like building little things and everything although they may not look too good and also I just think you can I think you are an alright person you know? So I kind of wanted to get off on a better foot from what happened before.

W: Why?

R: Just because I don't really like having the thought that people don't really like me.

W: No no not the bit about the right foot, why don’t you think I’m a bad person?

R: Well I mean I think you did bad things but you also went through things that made you that way and then I also think that you’re changed now. I mean if you ask me to talk to the older Wilbur before you died, for a little bit then yeah I would think you’re kind of not a good person.

But I think now you’ve apparently been away long enough, that I think if anyone goes away long enough for that long of a time that eventually they’ll have a thought of their morality, and everything and become a better person because of it. So, I'm hopeful. I’m hopeful. I like having a good amount of optimism.

W: Cool.. ah cool that's nice, thank you.

R: Yeah!

W: Uh, I think I needed to hear that, I’ve um, can I be real with you? Sorry Ranboo, you really got me. Fucking hell can I be real with you man?

R: Yeah sure.

W: I think I scare people.

R: I mean, yeah I do the same thing

W: No no, I mean I don't think I, I think a lot of people share your idea in trying to try… to keep me from hurting you know? They have seen what I can do and they don’t want me to do it again, so they adopt your emotion in order to do it.

Do you know I demolished his house and brutally ignored him? He fought for my country! And I ignored him. I didn't look at him. I didn't give him so much a medal, I didn't give him so much a rank, I gave him the lowest rank in the cabinet, and do you know what it took? Do you know what it took for him to forgive me? A “sorry” And I’ve, I’ve spoken to Tommy about Jack Manifold, and Jack Manifold is NOT the sort of person to forgive with a sorry.

Can you imagine if Dream said sorry to Jack Manifold? What has Dream done to Jack Manifold huh? Barely anything. I imagine if Dream said sorry to Jack Manifold, Jack Manifold would ignore him. Do you wanna know why? It’s because Dream is in prison, and I’m not. Dream! He's had his comeuppance and I’ve not! My comeuppance was apparently not good enough for these people, they are just waiting for the next thing, the next slip up and Ranboo I’m not gonna fucking slip up Ranboo. I’m different.

I’m not Dream, god I wish I was. Sometimes I wish I was. I wish I had that comeuppance. But Ranboo I’m not Dream and I’m not gonna be Dream and that's ahhh. I am living in eternal limbo again. I’ve been through limbo. I'm out of limbo and socially I’m still in limbo and man hearing you say those words that you said to me, do you remember what you said?

R: Yeah… I do?

W: You said “I think people can change” that's number one

R: Mhm

W: And number two you’re “scared if people don’t like you”

R: Yeah

W: I’ve been investing, I’ve been investing into the wrong areas Ranboo. I’ve been investing in the wrong people. Were kindred man, we get each other

R: Yeah, Yeah I’d say so.

W: We have SO much difference, but you know what the one thing we got incommon? Our strongest point? And you mustn't take offense to this, okay?

R:Okay..?

W: Neuroticism. Me and you are just as neurotic as each other. Just as nervous but the thing is it’s not our downfall you know? Anxiety isn't necessarily an evil trait to have. Anxiety is what kept our ancestors alive Ranboo.

R: Yeah

W: You? Me? Your Parents, whoever they may be, my parents, do you know how they’re alive? Because they were anxious. They didn't let another thing kill them, they didn't let another thing take them down. Our ancestors, the cavemen in the woods or the cave enderman, were anxious when they heard the lion roar; they were anxious when the wolf howled. And you know what they did? They went inside and they hid and that's what they did and that's why we are here today. Ranboo me and you are neurotic, and that's why we are alive..right now talking to each other and doing this.

R: Okay…… I really, I really do hope that's um a good thing.

W: Sorry, ha, that's uh that might have come across- I’m really sorry I meant um, I’ll go get you some more red.

R: No no I understand what you mean I think, we both are kind of thinkers I think well yeah, we tend to think about a lot of things. Think about a lot of situations and how people are affected by said situations. How we can make things better and although we may think in different ways the fact we both, I think we both think at the same level just in different ways sometimes.

W: I think you might be a bit braver than me and showing your true colors. I feel like, I feel like with you Ranboo I never have to guess your next move. I never have to guess your hand, you know?

R: Yeah

W: I feel like, I feel like life dealt us the same cards and the difference is you, you build your trust by showing people your cards whilst, I keep them close to my chest and I feel like that may be the difference. But I’m gonna stop psychoanalysing you so

R: heh

W: And let's… let's, Ranboo how’d you feel about thievery?

R: Oh uh ooh, what types? What do you-

W: I’m going to steal Las Nevadas cows to cook our burgers.

R: Oh oh okay?

W: And I’m not going to re-breed them. I am going to simply kill them.

R: Alright I mean, so you are? Are you gonna steal all of them? Or just

W: Nahh just enough so it's annoying ya know?

R: Okay um

W: Unless, how about this if this makes you feel a bit less uncomfortable about it how about if I steal all the cows unless they have a sign on them that says “these cows are property of las Nevadas” then I’ll leave them alone so unless they have an expressed sign that says “do not steal please” I’ll leave them alone. But if not… it seems like a good idea

R: Okay yeah

W: You’re really good a building vans

R: Oh thank you

W: I’m pretty good at building vans too.

R: Okay.

W: Okay I’ve got the steak.

R: Oh, nice

W: Pretty good, is that enough red for you?

R: I just need something to put the red on

W: Oh cool yeah, I can go find you some wool.

R: There could be some chests around. You know I found a full netherite block in one the other day?

W: Wait what?

R: There was just another netherite block in one of the chests, it was very interesting.

W: I’ve just restocked for us.

R: Ohh, nice I’ll put some of our building materials here. Oh wow, wait did you get, did you get all of them?

W: Yeah heh, pretty good yeah?

R: Oh geez.

….. [Talk about Minecraft mechanics]

W: So this is your cookie factory, your cookie shop, your giant fortress

R: Yeah you realize a lot now that it’s a giant fortress. Sometimes, sometimes I don’t realize things until they’re an afterthought.

W: How is Tubbo?

R: He's um, alright. I think he's doing pretty well.

W: What is he up to right now?

R: He's um he's just building around Snowchester you know? Not really doing-

W: Snowchester?

R: Oh you- don't know about snowchester? It’s basically just like this little- it used to have some people but then everyone just kind of went off on their own ways. It’s just like this little arctic area, a village he created.

W: A town?

R: Yeah basically!

W: So, Las Nevadas, Snowchester, - I thought Techno and Phil told me they were successful? Well just Phil I haven't spoken to Techno since, since, it happened.

R: Mhm Well it

W: Phil told me they were successful and there's no more nations and that there’s anarchy here.

R: Well it's not a nation it's literally just- it's literally just him.

W: What about this Kinoko Kingdom I keep reading about?

R: I have no idea. All they put down there was just signs and I havent heard anything about that honestly.

W: So there’s, there’s a lot going on Ranboo. What part do you play? Go on, You can't be THAT neutral, if you’re not a part of Kinoko Kingdom, then you must be a part of something.

R: I mean I guess you could say I’m a part of.. Snowchester a little bit? I think I’m mainly just um with Phil and Techno I’m pretty sure. It’s mainly, it's mainly just them and everything. Because that's pretty much where I’ve been living for awhile and all so.

W: And now the Paradise Burger Van.

R: And now the Burger Van I guess yeah.

W: Good, good! I’m coming back. Do you need more red or?

R: No, we got enough.

W: Then the final step is to name the burger and name the beef!

R: Name, name the beef?

W: Oh so another thing I wanted to do is to legitimize our burgers so it's not just stake right is to make a uh name for all our stakes so when they've had it you know our stake shop that they know this is our stake shop, and only the high grade beef. So we are all gonna name the burgers with an anvil and I wanted, I wanted to give them like versions and wanted to use an alt code so that no one could copy it. So it's like “hey you’ve got a volume one steak, burger steak” so people would come and it's sort of an NFT value to it. A bit of a you know, once you’ve had volume one of burgers then that's gone forever like versions, is this making sense? Are you following?

R: Yeah this is making sense, I’m following I think

W: Cool cool

R: Yeah

W: What do you think of calling the burger shop?

R: Hmm

W: I’m thinking of either Paradise or Wilburger?

R: Well Wilburger is funny

W: Wilburger is funny but it doesn't take into account the work you put in.

R: Hmm maybe paradise burgers might be good

W: What about Wilbooger?

R: Will- Wait a minute but then that means we have booger in it, and then they will make fun of it.

W: Yeah yeah, paradise burger has a meaning behind it. So like, you know paradise next to Las Nevadas. Have a think

R: Paradise…

W: Weeeeeeeeeeee, ding dong we got everything we need. Right, let me go to an anvil and think of a name. This has been good, this has been chill.

R: This has been nice

W: I feel like we are good business partners. I’m excited to show Tommy. What's your opinion on Tommy?

R: Oh he's great. Tommys awesome.

W: Agreed

R: Yeah. Definitely gone through a lot but I definitely think that has made him a good person.

W: Mmm yeah well you seem to think everyone going through something at least gives them some merit you said

R: Well I mean yeah. I mean if- if no one, the only really bad people are the ones who are just evil because, just because then they don't really have any reason why you know? Those are in my opinion the bad people.

W: Right

R: I don’t really think there’s that many bad people like that so yeah.

W: Let me find an alt code, I want to find a cool alt code for the Wilburger, let's go for a sunbeam

R: ooooh

W: This is sexy, what I've done. Here we go here we go The beef! The bread doesn't have to be named

R: yeah

W: It’s gonna be good. Here we go, here we go. Look at this!

R: Oooohhh thats cool

W: No ones copying that

R: Yeah especially the thing in the eye as well.

W: It's a watermark no one, no one can copy it now so we can sell those with one slice of bread on either side and that's our thing. That's our shtick.

R: Yeah I think thats good thats good

W: I think we are getting to the point Ranboo where we are almost done I mean I do have a question to ask you though

R: Yeah of course ask away.

W: Just gonna put the bread back. This is gonna be a make or break

R: Okay.

W: Come with me

R: Yeah

W: This really could be, could be a make or break. And what about the Wilburger Ran Van?

R: Oh thats good thats good

W: Cool cool, then we’ll have your name on as the co creator I won’t be ceo, I will be vice chairman of the wilburger ran-van corporation

R: Cool, awesome.

W: So here’s our completion ranboo you remember the signs?

R: Yeah? They are still there.

W: Yeah it's good innit? Ranboo I want you to smash the windows.

R: Smash the windows? Like how? How do you want me to do it?

W: Take this (gave ranboo a cobblestone block) hold it in your hand

R: Okay

W: Now break the window.

R: okay

W: More

R: Do more? Okay

W: A lot more

R: keep going? Oh uh oh

[Wilbur places down TNT in a corner of the competition restaurant]

R: Are you sure about that one?

W: Come here

R: Oh? Okay

W: You trust me alright?

R: Yeah?

W: Detonate that, its only in the corner to prove we are not fucking around

R: I mean it's just in the corner right and then it will, it will drop all the blocks

W: Yep

R: And then we can put it somewhere

W: We can put it in a chest next to it.

R: Okay.. ohh Careful! [Wilbur stood really close to the TNT so he took damage]

W: It’s alright

R: That was a little bit more than I thought

W: Picking up those blocks

R: Yep, I think we can just put them in the chests here I think.

W: Okay I’ll fill this in, you passed the test, good job man. You can go back to the van, I’ll be back there soon. Ranboo

R: Yeah?

W: I’m proud of you man. You, you’ve taken a side, you’ve proven you can choose a side and I’m proud of you.

R: Thank- Thank, thank you. I haven't-

W: You’ve got something to work for.

R: Yeah, yeah

W: I’ll see you around. I’m gonna head off after I fix this but you get to work on the Ranvan. See you soon.

R: Yeah I’ll get to work, see you soon, buh bye

W: see you soon man.

[Wilbur breaks one of the signs placed down from earlier then goes to the explosion site and writes a sign with the NFT symbol saying Wilbur + Ranboo Did this together and places a chest to put the exploded materials in a chest along with two diamonds]

W: ahh, I love that guy.

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N:  I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

Previous Chapter -- Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube. 

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy. 

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock. 

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

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[lokilickedme]

Somebody help me chill, this is insane.

(under the cut because long and also pretty traumatic, for me at least)

Crazy neighbor, remember her?  Her son destroyed a piece of equipment we had attached to one of our trees at the fenceline last week, she denied it and called us insane liars - that’s the most recent craziness in the ongoing saga of the neighbor from hell.  I was sitting here reading my dash tonight and happened to glance over at the monitor for the surveillance camera husband got me the other day to watch that exact spot (where the equipment was smashed) and guess who I see bent over looking through the fence peering very closely at that exact spot?  Neighbor’s equally insane son, who we know did the actual dirty work.  And I, stupid like I am, took a screenshot of him and then immediately jumped up and ran outside in the dark in my pajamas (nearly 9pm, pitch black, their porch light is off because obviously they’re doing something they don’t want to be seen doing) and I ask “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

This lunatic immediately starts SCREAMING at me - I mean top of his lungs SCREAMING abusive threats, calling me a stupid psycho whore bitch, yelling at me to get my ass back in my house and generally just acting completely off his rocker unhinged nuts - and then his mother comes out and comes over to the fence and gets in my face while I’m just standing there and tells me to mind my own business.  I say I am minding my business, I saw him looking through the fence at my property right where we had vandalism happen last week so I came out to find out why he’s interested in my property.  She laughed in my face and said “No he wasn’t, he was standing right here looking at his phone like this” and she does this little pantomine of someone looking at their phone, which is funny because she wasn’t out there when he was doing it and there are no windows on that side of her house at all.  I ignored her and asked “What are you looking for?”  He kept screaming incoherent animal noises and insults from behind her so I asked again, “What are you looking for?”  And that crazy woman grinned at me and said “We’re just looking to see what kind of new devices you’ve installed!”

OMG.  She didn’t even take a breath in between lying and then contradicting her own lie.  And she’s grinning smugly at me the entire time, gesturing around pointing at our property cams and mosquito light (it flashes and apparently she thinks it’s watching her) and my bedroom window - which means she’s been snooping.  There is a cam sitting in my windowsill, aimed at the spot where the device was smashed.  Every bit of this equipment is on our property, some of it behind a privacy fence.  I tell her it’s none of her business what kind of devices we’ve got on our property, but she just yammers over me, and of course numbskull is still ranting like a psycho behind her, screaming at me to mind my own business and get back in my house and leave them alone.  At this point he’s pulled out his phone and shoved it over her shoulder toward my face and is recording me, which is just...fucking hilarious...because I’m literally doing nothing but standing there in shock and awe at how nuts these people are, and he’s still screaming abusive curses and names at me while he’s recording.

Anyway, for about 4.5 minutes we stood there with them shouting over me (I know the exact time because it was later discovered that our doorbell cam recorded audio of the entire event) and a little ways into it he screams “I WILL TEAR YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!!”

At this point psycho woman finally turns around and says “Addison Case!” and pushes him back.  He lunges at me and she tells him to go call the police (??what??  I mean...I wish he had...my phone was in my hand frozen solid, locked up because of the glitchy surveillance app I had to install to see the camera, or else I would have called them myself - but my god they really thought I was the one the cops needed to come for??).  Meanwhile I’m just standing there on my own property in the dark in my pajamas, all 5 feet and 120 lbs of me, while this rabid animal - he’s a 21 year old college boy - is lunging at me and screaming nonstop, calling me a fucking whore bitch loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear it while his phone’s camera light is in my face blinding me.  Crazy lady smiles that smug shit eating grin of hers and tells me to get back in my house, leave her alone, and move the hell away so she can live in peace.

Wow.  Just...holy shit.

This is the person who has allowed her dog to attack my very small 8 year old son on our property and send him to the hospital with injuries last year, then attempt to attack him again 2 weeks ago (he is now 9 at the time of the second attack) - again on our own property (in our back yard this time, in our front yard the first time), has allowed her dogs (multiple) to bark all night long and keep us awake (she leaves them outside and then goes away for the weekend and they bark the entire time she’s gone), then she had her crazy violent son destroy the BarkBox we put in our tree on our side of the fence last week (we put it up as a humane way to get the barking to stop without having to listen to her call us insane liars every time we complain about it).  Yet...she kept repeating over and over and over for us to leave her alone and stop harassing her.

All I could even do was stand there shaking my head.  It was surreal.  And frustrating, because they wouldn’t even let me get a word out without screaming over me, and she was doing that infuriating Karen thing where they shove their hand at your face and grin smugly while they’re telling you what you better do or they’ll call someone to make you.

I actually started laughing, it was so ludicrous.  She’s committed all those vile offenses against us and we’re the ones that need to leave her alone.  We’ve had to file four police reports against her and we’re the ones that are making her life miserable.  I just can’t stop thinking about that Liar Liar movie where the repeat offender keeps calling his lawyer to complain that the cops won’t stop arresting him and the lawyer finally yells THEN STOP BREAKING THE LAW ASSHOLE!!

It’s just like that.  My god.

SO -

She tells him to call the police again, and this limp dick shoves that phone light right up to my face and says “You think she’s worth calling the cops over?  Look at her, she don’t look worth it to me.”  And bitch starts laughing.  My god, these people are subhuman, I swear.  I’ve never seen anyone act like this in my life, over a person doing literally nothing to them.

So she finally orders her rabid son (who is just about foaming at the mouth, I swear he’s making these barking animal noises at me, it’s weird as hell) into the house and they walk away, with him still ranting like a madman until the door closes behind them.  I immediately go inside my own house and call my husband, who was way out at the back of our property in our camper (he self quarantines each day after work out there to protect us because there have been a lot of covid cases at his workplace) and he didn’t know anything was happening.  He immediately runs up to the house and I tell him I caught neighbor’s thug son messing around at our fence and that when I went out he threatened to kill me.

Tom grabs something - I don’t even know what it was, I think it was this piece of board that was sitting by the door, we’ve done a shelving project recently and a couple of leftover pieces have been there for a few days - and he stalks outside toward neighbor’s house.  I hear him yell COME OUT HERE BOY!!! and I stg you guys, if I wasn’t on the phone calling 911 I might have thought about getting naked right there and then because damn.

So anyway, let’s not go there.  This is serious by god lol (look for this to show up in a fic soon though because material like this doesn’t get handed to you for free every day).

I call 911 and say the neighbor’s son just threatened my life and for them to come quick because he’s still over there but I know he’s going to leave any second (this is his mom’s M.O, the two times the police have tried to go talk to her she gets in her car and leaves before they can get from my house to hers, and I know he’ll do the same because COWARDS).  Tom comes back and says the little pussywillow wouldn’t come out of the house.  He’s breathing fire, you guys.  Pure fucking fire.  I tell 911 to get somebody out quick before the kid leaves, and just about 2 minutes after I hang up he does just that - we see him blast past our house in his truck and he’s gone, and then the police arrive about 3 minutes after.  I’m so mad I can’t see straight.  If they’d been able to see him in the state he was in, they’d have arrested him on sight.

Two squad cars (big SUV’s) pull up and block her driveway with full lights flashing, which makes me laugh because suddenly we’ve got neighbors coming outside to see what’s going on.  I meet the officers outside, and the crazy bitch next door does the same, yelling “Hello Officer!” and waving to them as they’re coming up to my porch.

They talk to me and Tom for a long time, I tell them everything that happened, they interview Big (he and Little were inside the open door and heard it all), we fill out our statements and talk with them more until one officer goes next door to talk to neighbor.  We can hear her dripping her fake sugar and spice while they’re talking on her porch and my husband loses his shit - he heads toward her house and yells “We got the entire thing on recording, don’t even try to lie!  Your kid, threatening to kill my wife?!?”  (he’s referring to the camera in my bedroom window, which actually only recorded about 2 minutes because I don’t have it set up correctly yet, but they don’t know that). The officer yells at him to get back, which, yeah - he shouldn’t have done that, but for god’s sake the woman’s peckerhead son just literally threatened murder on a member of his family, this is the final fucking straw and he’s mad.  And as he’s coming back across the yard the officer that stayed with me points at our new doorbell camera, just freshly installed as of about two weeks ago, and asks if it’s on.  We haven’t even really figured out how to use it yet, but yes, as far as we know it’s on.  The incident happened around the side of the house, but the doorbell records audio.

God bless technology.

I invite the officer inside the house and Tom gets his phone, pulls up the app for the doorbell, and starts skipping through the recording looking for the right timestamp.  Up till this point all they have is me saying the guy screamed a lot of abusive profanities at me and threatened to tear my head off, and they’re taking me serious but probably not that serious, you know?  Neighbors fight all the time, wars start over barking dogs, things get exaggerated, we’ve all seen the TV dramas.

Until Tom finds the segment on the footage and starts playing it to them on his phone.  It’s kind of quiet because we were a good distance away, but you can hear the guy screaming just like I said he was.  The officer asks if we have a speaker we can play it through so he can hear the words more clearly, because he needs proof of threat and that’s entirely in the words.

You guys, I’m tellin’ ya, sometimes you get a chance to fucking SHINE.  My husband is a musician and this cop is asking him if he’s got a good speaker.  So within minutes Tom’s got this huge venue-style amplifier designed for broadcasting music to the back wall of a freaking stadium pulled out into the livingroom and he’s hooking his phone up to it, and then he hits play and the other officer comes back from next door to join us and I can tell by the annoyed look on his face that neighbor bitch has likely charmed him and shed a plethora of persecuted tears and spewed her lies about how we’ve been harassing her forEVER and I think for a second that it’s a total loss now, he’s made his mind up in her favor.

And then...away we go.  Tom cranks the volume on the speaker and they both lean in to listen closely.

Just about a minute into the recording they have their proof - thugnuts screaming I WILL TEAR YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!

Both officers nod, close their notebooks, and the second officer makes a phonecall while the first one turns to me and says “That’s terroristic threatening and it’s a class C felony.  You’re going to need to go to the PA’s office with all the reports you’ve filed against them so far and all your evidence from tonight including that recording and hand it all to them.  They’re likely going to issue a no-contact so that he can’t interact with you ever again.”

This is a victory, but it’s just the first step, and I feel sickeningly disheartened that it’s all in my lap to do everything.  I want them to go demand his whereabouts from his mother and just go get his ass and haul him in.  But no, I have a ton of legwork to do now because these horrible people won’t fucking stop.

After several more minutes of me asking questions about what exactly we need to do and where we need to go, etc etc (I’m competent but I’m also fucking rattled, someone threatened to kill me tonight and I’m blanking hard on the instructions he’s giving me) they finally wrap it up and leave.  They’ve been in my house for a half hour waiting for me to finish filling out the report (I had to ask for more paper because honey I’m getting ALL the details in there) and I can just imagine how freaked out neighbor is when she sees what time they finally move their cars from in front of her driveway.

And now I’m coming down from the weird calm that I had through the entire event, and my heart feels like it’s going to EXPLODE.  I had heart surgery two months ago, do I need this??  The pathetic part is that I know now just how stupid those people are, and I know this won’t be the end from their side by any means.  We’ll start finding more stuff broken, or he’ll start climbing over the fence back at the back of the property to steal stuff from husband’s tool shed, or my tires will get slashed.  These people are that dumb and hateful, they proved it tonight.  He said if we had animals he would kill them, and then he made the same threat against me.  How stupid does a person have to be to stand there with his phone out recording himself ranting and making threats against a woman standing in her own yard in her pajamas?  Big tough man there.  And his mama grinning at me the whole time, telling me I’m crazy and she’s concerned for her own safety because of me, while her son is standing right behind her threatening my life.

I’m just...my god, I don’t even know what to think.  I thought people only acted like this in TV dramas, seriously.  I’ve seen some shit in my life but this particular brand of stupid has up till now evaded me, but now it’s been in my face and I’m sort of in shock.

I don’t like guns.  At ALL.  Tom has always had at least one hidden carefully away, safely locked up away from the house, but now there are two inside my house in immediate grabbing range.  He insisted that I let him show me how to use them.  Rules were laid down for the boys - never touch, never, don’t even get close to them - and now there is a box of shotgun shells on my fireplace mantel and a singleshot rifle by the door.  I hate this so damn much.

Don’t pick it up unless you’re ready to use it, he told me.  Without even thinking, I said back, “If I touch it it’s getting used.”

I HATE THIS SO FUCKING MUCH

My god.  I told the cops that the drug lord that lived over there four years ago was a better neighbor than this woman.  They didn’t even laugh.

I guess they’re right, now that I think about it...it isn’t funny.

[sarahlynnirl]

Losing my best friend - Sugar Daddy culture is not empowering

I finally feel strong enough to talk about this and hopefully get some love, support, and reassurance from other women who agree that this is fucked up. I’ve never been “terfy on main” before so here goes. (TW child abuse + SA but no graphic descriptions of SA)

My mother is a narcissist who financially and emotionally abused my father and myself, with some additional physical abuse of me, for as long as I can remember. My dad made plenty of money but my mom controlled it all and made sure it didn’t go towards anything for me beyond the bare minimum required not to look obviously guilty of child abuse and neglect. I met Kiara (not her real name) when I was a junior in highschool and she was a freshman. Her mom was a single Korean woman doing her best to support Kiara and her 2 sisters while also running a Korean restaurant. My first jobs were a summer camp counselor and fitting room attendant at Forever 21. I would spend the last scraps of my paycheck making sure Kiara was able to order a full meal when our friends went out to dinner, buying her little gifts, and generally trying to keep us both as happy and healthy as possible.

When Kiara graduated highschool her mom drove her into Koreatown New Jersey, got her a room in the apartment of an acquaintance, and basically left her to fend for herself. Kiara spoke barely any Korean. She began working at a Korean salon where she met Ariana (not her real name). She had a NY cosmetology license, not an NJ one, while Ariana was an illegal immigrant from Korea so they were both overworked, underpaid, forced to work overtime, paid under minimum wage, and deprived of their tips. They couldn’t report or complain about this since they were both working illegally.

Kiara had to pay rent for the one room she occupied despite her land lady yelling at her, walking into her room while she slept, banning her from having friends over, and reporting to her mom if she spoke to a guy on the phone or a guy dropped her off. I was working at a restaurant in my college town on top of my classes and doing my best to keep surprising her with little gifts, but neither of us had enough disposable income to afford to visit each other. This was really difficult for me as she was my favorite person in the world and I was used to spending every second with her when we both lived in upstate NY. Ariana got them both to start using SeekingArrangement for one time meet ups with Sugar Daddies where they were paid anywhere from $200-2000 for sex. “The first time I ever did it I walked out of the hotel and just screamed because I was so disgusted and I was thinking about his wrinkly skin touching mine and all I wanted to do was get in the shower and scrub it off but I had $1000 cash in my hand for a couple hours of work which was so crazy and kinda made it all worth it ya know?” - Ariana to me

I was immediately skeptical and a little grossed out but Kiara genuinely seemed happier. She was buying new clothes for herself, ordering food to the apartment when she was hungry, and taking trips into NYC to have fun with Ariana and her friends. By the beginning of the summer of 2019, Kiara had found the Sugar Daddy who she would establish a long term agreement with and who ultimately ended up completely supporting her. I’m not going to say his name here but if people want to know it just ask, I am willing to share. He moved her into a much nicer much bigger apartment with Ariana as her roommate. He paid for me to fly up and visit her, and all of our activities during this vacation. I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry. I wish I shoved the money back in her hand before it was too late, I wish I worked harder and longer hours and got us an apartment in Florida and paid both of our rent. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t listen to my instincts and allowed her to brush off my concerns. It was the most freedom we had ever had, I ran around NYC by myself while she was at work, and my ex took the bus to NJ from upstate NY and joined us for a few days. I feel so selfish but I also didn’t know how bad things would get.

One night Kiara and I went to NYC for dinner with her SD and she took the bus back to the apartment because she had to work early the next morning. It made sense for me to stay in the city because I was supposed to visit my friend at NYU the next morning. In the Uber to his apartment alone with him he was drunk and high and I very clearly looked scared shitless. At this point she was 19 (but she had looked that way since age 17 and I doubt he would have minded if she was lying about her age), I was 21 and he was 44. He seemed offended by my discomfort and was basically like “jeez relax I’m not gonna touch you, I really care about Kiara I think she’s so amazing, just go to the guest room and sleep, make a left to walk to NYU when you wake up.” I peaced the fuck out of there early the next morning.

After that summer Kiara and Ariana quit their jobs at the Korean salon and sugaring became their sole incomes. Ariana was still doing one time meet ups, not nearly as financially stable as Kiara, and got herself into a lot of credit card debt that to my knowledge she’s still in. At this point Kiara was flying down and staying with me in Florida so often that people at my college thought she went there too. I also wasn’t working at this point because college had gotten harder and my ex was fucking up my mental health real bad. He had given me a coke problem and Kiara sending me “grocery money” was enabling me to continue. I wasn’t honest with her about where all the money was going. During Halloween week we didn’t know that she couldn’t just snort molly (MDMA) with the frequency I was doing coke, she ODed, my guy best friend took us to the ER, it was so fucking scary, she got IV fluids for 2 hours and made a full recovery, she stopped doing molly, I kept doing coke. I’m so sorry :(

In November her SD paid for us to take a trip to Cancun Mexico. He was with us for the first part of the trip and this is where things started to get really bad. He tried to be my friend and act the way a boyfriend of my best friend who was my age would, but it was creepy and wrong and I was so uncomfortable. He asked about my drug use in a way that was gross and shamey and basically him seeing me as the “coke whore” stereotype...while continuing to buy me more coke. He also brought and gave us ecstasy pills. He asked really invasive questions about my relationship with my ex, why I stayed, my sex life, etc. It felt like an uncle asking me these questions, I did NOT wanna talk about any of this with him. But from what I did say it was very clear to someone with 44 years of life experience that I had an abusive mother, an addictive personality, and was in an unhealthy relationship. He offered to set me up with an SD friend of his looking for a sugar baby. I of course declined because I always knew this was a boundary I wasn’t willing to cross. No matter how bad my addictions got I would NOT give up that piece of myself in return for money.

In this part of Mexico, drugs that were only given with a prescription in the US were available over the counter. Kiara and I got a little box of 1mg Xanax with my money. My ex had given us Xanax a couple times in NY and we had fun with it, but at this point in time we did NOT have a problem with it. We had bought one bar, broken it in half, and each took half one night of Halloween week and called it “xanpires”, but this wasn’t something we were scripted or buying regularly from plugs. We went to dinner with her SD, we got up to go to the bathroom, and she immediately slipped and hit the ground. I was like woah did you take one of the xans and forget? Because we were supposed to tell each other if we were taking one so we could look out for each other. I was never mad at her! I never wanted money from her! I was just a little concerned, and once I determined that she was safe we thought it was kinda funny that she had taken a xan without realizing and started joking around about it. Her SD of course didn’t understand how a 19 year old and 21 year old girl joke with each other because he was a creepy old man, decided that we were “arguing”, and got up from the restaurant, walked across the street, bought a 90 count bottle of 2mg xans and gave it to me. This was honestly the most irresponsible way someone has ever treated me in my life, and this is coming from someone with an abusive and neglectful parent. Google “benzo withdrawal” if you’re not familiar with it.

We went to a different hotel, and Kiara and I both took xans and blacked out. I passed out on the guest bed, while Kiara was awake but in a conscious blackout. I woke up on the couch on the balcony (which was fine, it was comfy and I saw the sunrise over the beach. The gross part was that meant her SD had picked me up, put his hands on my body while I was unconscious and carried me out there). I remembered that at one point I had woken up, wanted to go to the bathroom or get something from inside, caught a glimpse of what I thought was them having sex, and went back outside. I mentioned it to Kiara and she had no memory of it whatsoever, she thought all she had done was gone to sleep. She was rightfully pissed the fuck off that her SD had taken advantage and done things with her while she was blacked, screamed at him, he gave us a half ass apology, and bought us more stuff (buying our silence). He finally flew home and we got to enjoy the trip with just each other, but I was careless with the dosage of a drug called tramadol, and I ODed with my head in her lap...I’m sorry. When I woke up I was hallucinating, hearing voices, crying hysterically and terrified. Kiara called my ex who asked how many mg I took, told us I was 100mg short of the amount that would require medical attention, made me laugh, and told me to go to sleep. I recognize how scary and unfair to her this was and I really do take responsibility for my actions. The day I was supposed to leave I did ecstasy, hooked up with a guy from Canada, and tried to skip my flight. She was mad because like yeah what the fuck. She got me on the flight, the ecstasy comedown hit, and there’s pictures of me crying in the airport because I hated when we fought.

I was supposed to stop in Miami, then fly back to my college town but while in Miami I texted my granny that I was “sad and really didn’t feel good and could she and my uncle visit me at the airport and bring my uncles dog?”. Her parenting instincts went off that something was very wrong, made me skip the flight, picked me up from the airport and took me to her house where I immediately threw up and ran an extremely high fever that night. She said it was one of the scariest nights of her life and she kept checking on me to see if I needed to go to the hospital. She drove me back to my college town where my guy best friend took me to the ER and it came out that Kiaras SD, in addition to giving me drugs, had also allowed me to drink Mexican tap water throughout the entire trip. I was treated for that + given chlamydia meds just in case since I’d had unprotected sex in a foreign country. I was fine, promised to do better, Kiara forgave me, things started to go back to normal. Except I had begun taking Xanax daily to deal with the anxiety of the illness...and she had a trip to Bali planned.

During that trip things managed to get even worse. She was there with her SD and another Korean friend and her SD was pressuring her and guilting her into sex, isolating her from her friend, going through her phone, and becoming extremely aggressive. She would call me crying and having panic attacks and I would walk out of class to try to comfort her over FaceTime. She did not have panic attacks before this trip. She begged to go home early because something was very wrong but he said it was a waste of money and kept her in Bali until the planned end of the trip. I think it was almost a month. She sent me a recording she secretly took of him screaming at her and her saying “don’t touch me, don’t grab me like that, leave me alone”. When she got back to the US I was begging her to stop. I was so worried for her safety. I said the money wasn’t worth it, we’ll get jobs, please just stop. I’m pretty sure he read those messages. We also had a suspicion that he had installed spyware on her phone but were never able to prove it. At this point I also reached out to my dad for help and his response was basically “I don’t care, not my problem, focus on school”. I reached out to my granny who absolutely cared, but her response was “I’m sorry but I can’t afford to support her, I have to focus on taking care of you, if she won’t stop this you’ll have to stop being friends with her”.

I went home to New York for winter break, suffered through my first round of Xanax withdrawal and was truly trying to get better but my ex manipulated his was back in my life and got me addicted again....but now this bottle of 90 had run out. I went back to my college town, got scripted, and was copping street bars when my script inevitably ran out early. What comes next is blurry for obvious reasons. We moved to the town in Florida my granny lived in and got an apartment together. The female friends she made in our town (my current home) she got most of them into sugaring and using SeekingArrangement. Things deteriorated super fast at this point. I was struggling hard, failing my online classes, and eventually got completely financially cut off by my parents. My granny was paying my half of the rent and my puppy’s vet bills but I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t afford groceries. Kiara was pressuring me hard to go on SeekingArrangement but I still refused. I would sit on the floor of the bathroom in a towel after I showered and just cry because the steam made me nauseous and dizzy since I wasn’t eating.

I met my current boyfriend and something just started to click: I didn’t wanna live like this anymore. The mom of a friend from this town who also refuses to sugar landed me an interview at the gym I currently work at, I fought for the job, and I got it. Now I knew I didn’t wanna be completely fucked up all the time anymore but I was still doing enough Xanax to keep me out of withdrawal. The 2mg that had blacked me out at the beginning were now just barely enough to keep me functional. Kiara and I were fighting frequently and bad by this time. She and her partner in sugaring, Mena (not her real name but pretty close to it, fuck this bitch fr) were expecting me to keep how they made their money a secret....from friends and guys that I saw every single day. They both very obviously did not work and were flexing new cars, designer clothes, and cash all over their social media. Kiara thought she could cover her ass by saying she dealt drugs but it was also obvious that she wasn’t putting the time into that to come up with the amount of money she had. The only one dealing drugs was me, and not enough to do anything flashy, just enough that in addition to my work money I was usually getting enough to eat. But there were still some times when the previous weeks paycheck had run out and I was having my first meal of the day at 3pm after someone had bought adderall from me. We had our serious serious fight where she threw my stuff in the lawn and I lived with my current boyfriend full time for about a couple weeks since my bedroom at my granny’s was getting refloored when this happened.

By January 20th he was concerned by my Xanax problem and wanted me to seriously try to stop. At the time I started tapering because I wanted the girlfriend title but I’m forever grateful for him giving me a reason, even if it was a shallow one, because I just needed to START. We tried to reconcile once, despite boyfriend and guy best friend begging me not to, and of course the same problems reappeared, we had another serious fight and haven’t spoken since.

Now the fog is clearing and today I’m 96 days clean of xanax, 16 days clean of all benzos, and 19 days clean of gabapentin (what was keeping me from having a seizure while quitting benzos). But it’s hard because being out of the fog means feeling all of my emotions, even the really bad ones. This past week I’ve been waking up and crying sitting in front of my mirror trying to put my makeup on for work and it just drips right off and I have to start over. She was my best friend for 8 years. My favorite person. My partner in life. I loved her more than anyone.

My boyfriend and guy best friend are pretty uncomfortable when they hear someone express an opinion of me that’s “Kiara’s side of the story” and I don’t correct it. Both of them saw exactly how bad it got near the very end and don’t get why I don’t defend myself more or tell people about her letting my dog eat dab (THC) wax while she was supposed to be watching her and having to be rushed to the animal hospital TWO separate times. (She’s a Pomeranian and the highly concentrated THC was super dangerous to her tiny little body). Yelling at me and giving me the silent treatment because less than 48 hours after my SA she expected me to drive her to a hair appointment in Miami and I woke up late and didn’t get her there on time with traffic. Me begging her to be there for me when it felt like everything was falling apart and I self harmed for the first time and her leaving me to go on a vacation to Orlando with a girl we didn’t even really like. Me not wanting to sleep in the apartment alone after my SA and her not letting me sleep in her bed anymore, her and Mena just dumping me at the neighbor’s so they could continue to sugar, party, and see guys our age at night (this sounds super awful but neighbors roommate —> current boyfriend. He kept me safe until I felt better, was really sweet and careful, and I was the one to make the first move). There’s more but I really don’t like talking about it, after the abuse she went through and I assume is still going through, I expect her to be pretty damaged and not have it in her to treat people right all the time. Not exposing every bad thing she’s ever done to all our mutual friends and acquaintances is kind of my last gift to her.

I also admit that sugaring wasn’t responsible for everything that went wrong. Loving an addict is difficult and exhausting and I went through it myself with my ex. I was also out bi and she was “probably straight, maybe a little bi-curious” in her words. But when she was drunk or on Xanax she’d kiss me first...we had done more than kiss but only during 3somes with a guy. I don’t know, I think I loved her more than I was supposed to and some of the stuff she’d say made me think she saw me in a way she really didn’t. When we first moved to this town I had a thing with a girl and expected it to be no big deal but things here were different than up north. I got called the d slur for the first time by someone who wasn’t joking. It was like getting slapped I was so shocked and hurt, I truly didn’t think that happened anymore. I think she saw what happened to me and kinda closed off that part of herself because she didn’t wanna experience that herself. She stopped making out with me at bars and parties after that and it made me sad and maybe a little jealous. But I really do blame her SD for basically “breaking her”, for handing me that first bottle of free Xanax, for a lot of other little things that I can’t possibly include because this is already way too long. This is my first time even saying this much. Feel free to add your own experiences or thoughts on this or anything you’d like. [I’m prepared to get death threats or called a SWERF or whatever but I don’t care, now that I started talking about this I’m not going to stop.]

[bebepac]

Six Sentence Sunday 11.7.21

We are at another Six Sentence Sunday again.  Work is well....you know... Work.  Which is why my writing has really taken a hit.  Faintly, I did remember saying something about oh I’m going to get into a rotation with my fics....

But right now, I’m having a hard time just finding motivation to write, which I love to, so i am deciding to write on what’s been flowing pretty easily.  Which is why we have these that are coming up. 

Here’s what I have posted in the past week or so if you  missed it.

Their Hidden Pain One Off:  The Rotten Apple 🍎: Part 2

Mia’s 🌎 World:  The Antique Mirror 🪞

Original Post Update: 11/7/21 at 4:28PM EST

Gotta love the end of Daylight Savings Time! #fallbackintofall

Note:  If you haven’t read The Rotten Apple Part 2, there are teasers for part 3 Below!!!!

The Rotten Apple 🍎: Part 3

Their Hidden Pain

The Book:  TRH / TRF

Pairing:  Liam x Riley / Ellie x ?

Status: Still in the writing process

When Ellie pulled the covers back, she knew Nico would blatantly stare at her body.   Men were so predictable. Ellie in this instance only, was her mother’s daughter.   Ellie was very aware from puberty that men found her attractive. She looked just like her mother.  Riley Brooks, when she came to Cordonia, was beautiful and her mother still was, she still had her thick hourglass shape after years of child bearing to give the King of Cordonia heirs.  She did well at it, three out of four a’int bad right? Riley could still turn the King’s head quickly.  

Ellie had a body type very reminiscent of her mother when she came to Cordonia.  Nico’s eyes greedily took in her form for a few moments before he averted his eyes pushing the covers back to cover her body.  

“Princess, why are you here? We couldn’t have done what it looks like we did?”

“First off, Princess isn’t what you were calling me last night Nico. I’m not into that particular brand of kink. Despite popular belief, all royals don’t like to be called by their honorifics in bed.”

She glanced down at the sheet.

“And it’s obvious that you enjoy looking at my body because I can see every inch of you erect under that thin sheet. I have to leave soon, we shouldn’t let that go to waste.”

Ellie gripped his leg, and he slapped her hand away.  

Nico was not convinced at all at  what appeared to have taken place.

“I asked you to leave last night Eleanor. And you left… I remember.”

“Do you also remember kissing me, and the way you fondled my body? The way you touched me?”

His face reddened, but touching did not mean he had done what this situation looked like.

Nico quickly became accusatory towards the crown princess but respectfully.

“Is this a game to you?  Why are you trying so hard to convince me I did this with you? When I know I couldn’t, I wouldn’t? What is it that you truly want from me, Princess Eleanor? And I don’t think sex is it.”

“Couldn’t was definitely not in your vocabulary last night, while you were fucking me Nico.”  

“Stop that! Something feels very off about this Princess Eleanor, do you think I’m stupid or something? I know myself well.”

Time to go for the jugular. She thought, Ellie’s eyes filled with tears.

“Why are you treating me this way? Like I’m the villain here?   I am the one that found you last night.  Lonely, craving the touch of a woman. That pain, in your eyes, that’s there right now, wasn’t there last night when we were together.  It was replaced with something else.  I was there for you when you needed me most, on a very basic carnal level.”

Ellie got out of bed slipping back on her gown and robe, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“Now I know you just used me for a moment of pleasure.  Did you ever think the reason every relationship you’ve ever been in fails is because it’s your fault, for your lack of trust in people?”  

Nico looked shocked and taken back by her words.  His features had softened and she could start to see a look of guilt in his eyes.  

“Princess Eleanor……”  

“Leave me alone!!!”

She allowed herself to burst into tears in front of him as she quickly slipped by him running out of his room.  

When Ellie was what she thought to be a decent distance from his room, she wiped the tears from her eyes, and a slow smile crept across her face.

“Got you Nico Karahalios.”

This Mia’s world is not the next in the series, it was as the result of an Ask, of wanting to see more of Jaiden’s POV when Mia and Jaiden had broken up.  So you will see more of Jaiden in this chapter than ever before, and the Brooks  and only some of Mia.  

When We Were Apart

Mia’s 🌎 World

The Book:  Crossover TRR x The Freshman

Pairings: The freshman Characters Emily x Chris / TRR characters are single

Status: Still in the writing process

“What is there to understand Mia? You got upset, you pushed me away, and you ran to Liam. And the only reason YOU didn’t cheat, is because he rejected you! I think I get what’s going on.”

“Please don’t do this.”  Mia stepped closer to him, and in turn, Jaiden stepped away from her.  “You told me you loved me.”

She looked up at him, searching his eyes, for anything she could hold onto to aid her in counteracting what was happening in that moment.

“I did. Now I feel like I wasted my first time on you.”  

Mia gasped in shock, and finally let a sob escape her lips.  

“That was a really mean thing to say, Jaiden get out.”  

He regretted it immediately.  He wanted to hurt her as much as the thought of her cheating on him with Liam hurt, and the look of pain in Mia's eyes, his mission was accomplished.

He took a step towards her. He wanted to hurt her, not make her cry, in his mind, they weren’t the same thing.  He really was cruel to her, and he knew she was wrong, but he still loved her. Maybe he shouldn't have said he wanted to break up. Because deep down, he didn't.  

Mia screamed at him to leave and hurled the slice of cheesecake at him,  missing him  completely, and it crashed against the wall.  

He decided  it was best to leave the room before he made her even more upset.  He glanced at Mia one last time before he left her room.  She had crumpled herself into a ball, pulling her knees to her chest, covering her face with her hands crying.

As he headed across the quad towards his dorm room, his phone beeped. He glanced down at the social media notification.

There was a broken heart between the two of their pictures with the caption 'Mia Jones is single.'

It was really over, and now the world knew it. Jaiden bit his lip staring at the screen, for a moment, before then turned off his phone as the notifications started to blow up his phone.

Jaiden changed direction, instead of heading towards his dorm, he went towards the campus parking lot.  

Was he a total child that the only person he wanted to be around in this moment of pain was his parents, that he needed them?

“Jai?  What are you doing at home?  Not that we’re not happy to…..  Jai what’s wrong?”

“Mia…" was the only word Jaiden could choke out before he burst into tears.

“Oh honey….. What’s wrong?”  

He hugged his mother tightly.

"It's okay Jai, it's okay."

She ran her fingers through his hair while Jason gently rubbed Jaiden's back.

After a few moments Ren led him over to the couch to sit down. Jason turned off the television.

"What happened with you and Mia?"

He crumpled the tissue in his hands looking down at it.

"You and Mia broke up, didn’t you?”  Ren inquired gently.

Jaiden nodded.

“What happened son?”  Jason asked.

Jaiden shook his head. “I love her.”  

“We know you do Jai. Do you want to talk about it?”  

“No.”

“Do you want to stay here tonight?”  

“Yes.”

"Have you eaten dinner yet, Jai?"

He shook his head.

"C'mon I'll fix you a plate."

"And I'll put fresh linen on your bed."

His father gently patted him on the back, as he followed his mother into the kitchen.  Jaiden had dated other girls in the past, none were like Mia.  Mia Jones, was his first love, and their relationship ending, had torn him apart.

Toga Party

And So... We Met :Chapter 2

The Book: TRR

Pairings: Riley x Drake / Liam x Hana / Liam x Riley / Hana x ?

Status: Still in the writing process 

“May I?’”  

Professor Rys nodded.  

She gently wiped smudge off the side of his face.  Liam’s eyes met hers.  Her jade colored eyes twinkled at him as she gently wiped his face. Liam was emotionally struck as he peered at her; his azure eyes wide and unblinking.  Riley finally broke his gaze glancing away from him.

“There. You might want to wash your hands too, and put some D - D - D - Dawn on that shirt when you get home later.  So what happened to you?”  

"First off, thank you for that." Professor Rys smiled at her, to which  she returned a smile back.

"You're welcome."

“My car fell in a sinkhole.”  

The smile that was on Riley’s face abruptly left; and her hand went to her hips as an annoyed look crossed her face.

Liam laughed out loud.  “I'm sorry!! I couldn't resist Miss Brooks! That excuse only works for you apparently.. I had to change a flat tire.”  

For Hana he thought he was on the way to campus when she called him.  But why didn’t he mention that to her.  

Both stood staring at each other for a few moments.

“Well it looks like I get to go to hot breakfast  since now it looks like I have free time.”

“Enjoy, I expect to see you in another forty five minutes or so, for your next class.”

“Watch out for sinkholes.”  

“Sage advice Miss Brooks.  Will do.”

[theweasleysredhair]

did i ever think i’d be making a post announcing 9k?? no, no i did not. i am completely overwhelmed, and so so thankful to each and every one of you! thank you for all your support, lovely comments, feedback, messages, and overall just sticking by me and continuing to follow my lil blog!! ❤️

to celebrate, i’ve put together my very first writing challenge!!

rules - please read before entering!:

1. you don’t have to follow me but it would be nice 🥰❤️

2. please keep it to the hp fandom!! i don’t mind what character you want to write for, as long as they appear in the harry potter franchise at least once!

3. you can write character x reader, character x character, character x oc - whatever inspires you!

4. maximum of 2 prompts and 1 trope/song per person! (and 2 people per prompt/song) just bc i’m unsure of how many people would be willing to join in!

5. please send me an ask with the prompts/trope/song you’d like to use, and what pairing you’re including so i can add it onto here!

6. SMUT IS ALLOWED AS LONG AS YOU ARE 18+, WITH ALL WARNINGS ADDED AND PLEASE ENSURE IT IS TAGGED PROPERLY!

7. please refrain from romanticising any kind of abuse, no incest, no student x reader, no minor x 18+, and this is a personal one for me, but please do not romanticise cheating in your fics or i unfortunately i might not be able to read! 😩

8. have fun!! writing is all about having a bit of fun and releasing your creativity - and creativity doesn’t have a timeline so write whenever you want!! there’s absolutely no deadline!

9. MAKE SURE TO TAG ME IN YOUR FIC, AND I’M ALSO TRACKING #twrh9kwritingchallenge too! if i don’t reblog/respond to your fic, please send me the link!!

PROMPTS UNDER THE CUT

angst:

1. “Can you shut up for once in your life?”

↳ ron weasley x reader, @gryffindors-weasley

↳ sirius black x reader, @heloisedaphnebrightmore

2. “I can’t pretend anymore.”

↳ remus lupin x reader, @riddikulus--remus

↳ draco malfoy x reader, @dracosathenaeum

3. “Don’t you walk out that door!”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @band--psycho (Don’t Go Back There)

4. “Do you really think I’m happy?”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @whizboingies

↳ harry potter x reader, @lenalxvegood

5. “They didn’t deserve you.”

6. “Who the hell do you think you are?” “Well-“ “That was rhetorical.”

↳ sirius black x reader, @marvelettesassemble

7. “I never meant to fall in love with you, I just did.”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @parseltongueswriting

↳ cedric diggory x reader, @mesmerisedangel (Best Friends)

8. “We can’t keep doing this!”

↳ sirius black x reader, @ananad1

9. “Shit, is that blood?”

↳ sirius black x reader, @breadqueen95

10. “Just leave me alone.”

↳ sirius black x oc, @prettyboigenius

11. “Did you even really love me?”

12. “I can’t do this without you.”

↳ sirius black x reader, @locke-writes

13. “Please.”

14. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

↳ sirius black x reader, @marvelettesassemble

↳ sirius black x oc, @prettyboigenius

15. “What did you do?”

fluff:

1. “I think I’m in love with you.”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @evermoreweasley (it was all yellow)

↳ fred weasley x reader, @pxroxide-prinxcesss

2. “Because I love you.”

↳ sirius black x reader, @omgrachwrites

3. “I could kiss you right now!”

↳ sirius black x reader, @heloisedaphnebrightmore

↳ fred weasley x reader, @padfoot-and-prongsie

4. “I love you, but stop talking.”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @weasleyclaw

↳ sirius black x reader, @ananad1

5. “Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together.”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @evermoreweasley (it was all yellow)

↳ remus lupin x reader, @random-fandom-things-555

6. “I know you said you didn’t want to be late, but you look amazing, and I’m trying not to kiss you senseless right now.”

↳ ron weasley x reader, @gryffindors-weasley

↳ george weasley x reader, @missmulti

7. “Give me attention!”

↳ ron weasley x reader, @anxiousblanketqueen

8. “Oh my god... you’re in love with him/her!”

↳ george weasley x reader, @loony-loopy-lupinn

↳ george weasley x reader, @lumos-barnes

↳ remus lupin x reader, @random-fandom-things-555

9. “You should just marry me.”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @onlyfreds

↳ george weasley x reader, @missmulti

10. “Are you hitting on me?”

↳ george weasley x reader, @lumos-barnes

↳ fred weasley x reader, @spacexcowgirl

11. “You’re really bad at flirting, you know that?”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @spacexcowgirl

↳ george weasley x reader, @hufflpuffs

12. “You’re my best guess at perfect.”

↳ george weasley x reader, @gcdric

13. “Is that my sweater?”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @whizboingies

↳ george weasley x reader, @iwritesiriusly

14. “You’re lucky you’re hot.”

↳ george weasley x reader, @hufflpuffs

↳ fred weasley x reader, @bolaurel (Flirtations Misinterpreted)

15. “You remembered?”

↳ george weasley x reader, @love-peachh (Cameras and crushes)

↳ fred weasley x reader, @onlyfreds

smut: (you must be 18+)

1. “You’re so needy.”

↳ charlie weasley x reader, @anxiousblanketqueen

2. “I know you can be louder than that.”

3. “Try to stay quiet for me. Can you do that?”

4. “I don’t care what you do as long as you do me.”

↳ sirius black x reader, @riddikulus--remus

5. “You know, there wasn’t a single thing to eat in the kitchen until you walked in.”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @lumosandnoxwriting

6. “I’m gonna cum inside you.”

7. “You know what I wanna do right now?” “What?” “You.”

↳ george weasley x reader, @rosaliepostsstuff (Born winner)

8. “I’m going to ruin you.”

9. “I want to fuck you on every surface in here.”

↳ fred weasley x reader, @lumosandnoxwriting

10. “Behave.”

↳ george weasley x reader, @darthwheezely

tropes:

1. fake dating

↳ fred weasley x reader, @parseltongueswriting

↳ cedric diggory x reader, @mesmerisedangel (Best Friends)

↳ sirius black x reader, @omgrachwrites

↳ fred weasley x reader, @pxroxide-prinxcesss

2. sharing a bed

↳ sirius black x reader, @heloisedaphnebrightmore

↳ george weasley x reader, @rosaliepostsstuff

3. friends to lovers

↳ george weasley x reader, @iwritesiriusly

↳ harry potter x reader, @lenalxvegood

4. enemies to lovers

5. exes to lovers

↳ fred weasley x reader, @whizboingies

6. fwb to lovers

7. mutual pining

↳ george weasley x reader, @lumos-barnes

8. unrequited love

9. hurt/comfort

10. secretly dating

↳ remus lupin x reader, @random-fandom-things-555

↳ ron weasley x reader, @acciotwinz

↳ fred weasley x reader, @padfoot-and-prongsie

11. roommates

↳ fred weasley x reader, @lumosandnoxwriting

12. in vino veritas

↳ fred weasley x reader, @spacexcowgirl

13. poorly timed confession

14. soulmate au

↳ sirius black x reader, @locke-writes

↳ george weasley x reader, @missmulti

songs:

1. i want to hold your hand ~ the beatles

↳ george weasley x reader, @wand3ringr0s3

2. i don’t wanna miss a thing ~ aerosmith

3. should i stay or should i go? ~ the clash

↳ george weasley x reader, @riddikulus--remus (Should I Stay or Should I Go?)

4. all about you ~ mcfly

↳ george weasley x reader, @loony-loopy-lupinn

5. can’t take my eyes off you ~ frankie valli

6. i wasn’t expecting that ~ jamie lawson

7. someone you loved ~ lewis capaldi

↳ sirius black x reader, @locke-writes

8. born to die ~ lana del rey

↳ fred weasley x reader, @valwritesx

9. this town ~ niall horan

10. three empty words ~ shawn mendes

11. hopelessly devoted to you ~ olivia newton-john

12. baby can i hold you ~ tracy chapman

13. if these sheets were the states ~ all time low

14. she will be loved ~ maroon 5

15. december ~ neck deep

↳ fred weasley x reader, @slytherinsunrise

16. goodbye my lover ~ james blunt

17. thank u, next ~ ariana grande

18. gives you hell ~ all american rejects

19. kiss me ~ sixpence none the richer

20. when i was your man ~ bruno mars

21. your song ~ elton john

↳ george weasley x reader, @harrysweasleys

22. still into you ~ paramore

23. just the way you are ~ bruno mars

↳ fred weasley x reader, @onlyfreds

24. yellow ~ coldplay

↳ fred weasley x reader, @evermoreweasley (it was all yellow)

25. somebody to you ~ the vamps