#even when i really try! i fall off
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peeping the horrors (thinking abt how long this ongoing fight with body image and dysmorphia and physical health has been going on and how long it will go on!)
#always in either the deep trenches of depression or 'well it's not bothering me if i do everything i can to ignore it!'#thinking a lot lately about how much selfie cameras distort your face and are not accurate representations#but if i look into a mirror i can't see who is there. i'm looking at them but i don't see them#i don't want to be around people physically or meet anybody new because I don't know who it is they're looking at!!!!!!#brain is deeply busted as well. so even when I can muster the focus to start working on myself physically#even when i really try! i fall off#it's sad how she's so optimistic every time#like 'this will be the time! i will finally loose some weight and become more fit'#never quite made it happen#my fatigue and chronic pain are coming from something physically wrong with me but even when I make it all the way through the system#even when i get to see the specialists it's still 'ok so lose some weight and that will help'#yeah babes. so true. I do want to do that and I do try to do that#all i can do is look at pics of me at 17 when i thought i was obese and hideous and now say 'she was so cute#she was soo cute and not at all the weight she thought she was#i keep trying i always keep trying. please can it work out#i would love to feel just a little bit of peace. just a tiny bit of harmony with my own body please#please can spring begin now. please! i need to get out of the winter brain fog#sad posting ig
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[ ID in ALT ]
he giggles
#wriothesley#neuvillette#wriolette#neuvithesley#genshin impact#he goes aheeheehooheehoohee#i think once neuvillette figures out how to make him laugh. he'd do it all day. and the formula is simple too he just gotta say something#really stupid. and absurd. in his usual super serious iudex voice#and wriothesley is in stitches. it's so easy. he just gotta say 'yippee' and profit. 'slay queen' and wriothesley is incapacitated#also. imagine he's ticklish. but i dont think Neuv would tickle him intentionally I think he's like. 'i heard tickling gets violent fast'#'i will not resort to that to summon moethesley'#he doesn't want to Hurt Him he just wants to see him smile and laugh and be all pink in the face. but I do think he accidentally#sets him off all the time. with kisses (neck/ears) or just like grabbing his waist and suddenly wriothesley violently Wriggles yknow.#the tickled reaction. wriothesley laments the destruction of his scary big dog image every day#but. neuvillette would only make jokes at home anyway. and to be clear it's the simple fact that neuvillette is trying to Be Funny .#that's really funny to wriothesley. or just like his awkwardness. back before he figures out he can Intentionally make wriothesley laugh#he'd bewitch him with his his gap moeism#the layers to it. Wriothesley gets embarrassed later on when he catches on because he Knows Neuvillette likes seeing him all tickled.#and flustered. and that's like so mortifying bro what do you mean you're happy just seeing me being moe#and he's embarrassed because he should not be falling for it every single time. it should not be this funny#the nerves just makes him laugh even harder. and the whole time neuvillette is just sitting there. silently delighted. waiting for the#perfect comedic timing. so he can drop a 'cowabunga!' with the exclaimation mark and all. wriothesley can't even catch his damn breathe#art#my art
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I don't know especially with the lastest chapter (ch 265) this just feels so much like Yuuji.
Like especially in the first season people kept asking why he is doing all this, why he wants to save people, why he's beating himself up so much over people he barely knows. People kept wanting to know Yuuji's why and he couldn't explain it he was holding unto the promise he made to his granfther as an explanation but that wasnt really is.
And then you have Mahito who tried to force his own defintion of who yuuji was unto him and beat him down until Yuuji believed it too. He's just a machine killing curses because thats his nature vs Mahito killing humans cause thats his nature. They are beings of instinct slaves to their nature, cogs in the machine. And Yuuji internalizes that so much it weighs so heavily on him the idea that his job isnt to save people but kill curses doesn't sit right with him.
but then at what should be his lowest point he stares his biggest tormentor in the face and said you know what I don't particulalry care what you or anyone else thinks about my reasons. I don't think you have to have grand or innate reasons to do something. Sometimes you just do! and what yuuji wants, more than anything; more than killing curses more than keeping the "weak" safe, is to save his friends. And it's too late for a lot of them, Yuuji was too late but goddam it he won't be late for this. So fuck Sukuna he's bringing Megumi home.
#It's been a while since i did these because I've been off lately but hopefully will fall back into the rhytm of it or atleast once a week#It's also like you can see he has really interalized alot of the advice and love offered to him by Nanami and Higuruma#He'a not trying to kill himself in this fight#quoteoftheday#hell his plans seem to revolve around him making it out alive#Yuuji is finally learning that his life is worth saving and nothing not even Sukuna is worth throwing it away for.#Not when living means he can stick around and keep loving his friends#I mean I'm not even a#itafushi#shipper like that but I can't deny that they won that chapter#Megumi really bros last chance to prove that he can do more than put his friends in danger#Crazy that Yuuji literally started the culling game arc with megumi asking him to start by saving him and here he is starting#really about to be the only person yuuji saves how is that not a win#this latest chapter just relaly got to me it's been a while since I was geniunely excited for JJK.#the bi/weekly schedule really does not do these past final arc fights any favors#quote of the day#itadori yuuji#jjk yuuji#yuuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#jjk megumi#fushiguro megumi#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu sorcerer#sukuna#ryoumen sukuna#ch 265#jjk manga#jjk#dark academia
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ngl, the more I think about it, the more I feel conflicted over how people sexualize my characters.
On the one hand, it would be silly to deny that I don't go out of my way to create aesthetically pleasing/attractive characters because I love to draw what I enjoy, and I love it when people simp for them.
But on the other hand, sometimes it does bother me that people are so fixated on sex and their own arousal that they miss important lore/plot information that I get a bit frustrated
#txt#i dont really mind that people missed the fact that powers had horns but i do have issues with people thinking the scene would lead up to#sex??? lili had a very clearly shocked face but people were expecting them to just. have sex and fall in love#twitter and instagram is pretty respectful to my works but i think webtoons and especially tiktok (good lord tiktok) is where people are#just. like they're not even paying attention because they wanna fuck my ocs lol#its a lot of work to try to give these incredibly short comics decent pacing and dialogue and it sucks when people ignore gestures or#verbal communication because they saw powers muscled chest and went 'oh yeah. its sex time'#i started posting my bugtopia comics to tiktok and these people are so goddamn obsessed with sexualizing everything that i read comments#where people were expecting arachne to peg her FOUR YEAR OLD SON#and its like. hey guys. im glad you enjoy my work but i dont like how you cannot perceive my characters as anything#but something to whack off to#anyways i dont see myself discussing this on twitter because unfortunately people have 0 fucking reading comprehension lol#to this day i get rude messages accusing me of hating people who enjoy lesbian media or finding my characters hot#because i asked people to not call me a fucking f*ggot when i draw to men kissing
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Concept sketch of my new JJBA self insert and her stand, BellaDonna (who will eventually be known as Madonna). Inspired by the song 'Like a Prayer' by...well, Madonna! @sapphire-heart-tippy
(lore dump under the cut, TW for mentions of animal injury and religious trauma)
My self insert (who will also go by Jane) grew up in a deeply religious family and tried to be a good jehovah's witness child that made her parents proud.
One day, she comes up with the power to heal various injuries and ailments, almost to the point of being able to revive the dead. She figures she's given this power by the lord himself and vows to do good with it, but when she's found using them to heal a bird that had been wounded by a cat, her mother falls into hysterics thinking that she MUST be possessed by the devil to have such abilities.
She's punished and shunned by her community while her mother prays for a cure and though she tries to repent her power doesn't seem to go away, so eventually her mother snaps and drags her into the wilderness and attempts to throw her to the bottom of an old well.
Her Stand, which had previously not manifested physically, appears then to cushion her fall and eventually she manages to pull herself out of the well with her Stand's help, who she now believes to be a guardian angel. But not wanting to return home, she runs away to face the world alone, growing jaded and bitter over time. She loses all of her faith, and the power to heal inverts itself, becoming a sort of poison. Something that LEECHES life, rather than heal it.
When she's an adult (my age irl so 25 I guess) she's made her way by becomes a bounty hunter/assassin using her Stand and eventually catches the attention of Dio. Who takes her in and explains to her what her Stand REALLY is, promising to teach her how to properly wield those powers if she agrees to serve him. She reluctantly takes his offer, but starts to see him as a familial figure, since no one else had ever tried to nurture or even accept her gift. Dio is the one who giver her Stand the name BellaDonna, after the deadly plant!
#artfarts#self insert#self ship#self insert art#jojo self insert#jojo oc#jjba#jjba oc#jjba part 3#stardust crusaders#jojo's bizarre adventure#and of course wehehehe she meets polnareff and they eventually get together!!#so...i actually kinda forgot that polnareff actually ALSO starts off as an agent of dio 😂😂 with the mind control thing#idk just HOW influential the buds can be. he seems to retain his personality and it just sorta...dictates his morality#and also does whatever dio says. so when he DOES get mind probed by dio my s/i is already his agent#and what im saying is even when they meet THEN hes flirty as hell and immediately interested in her#cause OFC he is thats his personality 😂😂 its his nature hes french#and ofc we know he gets the bud removed and he joins the main cast so im trying to figure out how jane fits in!!#i definitely dont think she joins or turns immediately#i think they capture her first to CHECK for a bud and when they dont find it theyre like...well what now#pol wont let them kill her so they just sorta drag her along and over time she starts to have a change of heart#i think she expects dio to send someone after her or to save her himself but when other agents keep coming and trying to kill her TOO#she realizes he never really cared about her at all#blah blah angsty stuff aside she starts seeing who polnareff truly is and starts falling for him too!!#ok ive rambled enough here if u read all of this mwah im kissing ur forehead 🫶🫶🫶#🩶 just like a prayer 🩶
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beauty and beast au but Claire’s the one cursed because she’s the only one I can see literally pissing a sorceress off enough to get cursed. (If we’re going off the original movie Jim would probably offer them a hot meal and a room for the night, knowing him he’d make everything super accommodating)
#are we seeing the vision or have I lost my mind#Jim would literally drop everything to help this literal hag who waltzed through the door#Claire would..not be doing that#bonus points if the witch is Morgana then they’re throwing hands#I could see her trying to offer a deal like say she’s after Claire’s magic and sevitude or something and when she refuses boom Morgana#curses her and everyone else that’s in the ballroom at the time#And because it’s Morgana she’d probably make the curse super difficult to break#so like by the time she’s 18 if she doesn’t agree to serve Morgana when the last petal on the rose falls she dies with the rose#so Claire’s kinda given up on hope cuz she’d rather die than give Morgana her magic#Barbara’s a traveling doctor so her and Strickler set off to another town for a trip and get caught in the snow storm#and they get locked up for entering the castle and trespassing#Jim goes after them because they don’t come back the day after#instead of Claire keeping them there though I think she’d just give all three the chance to leave with some pressing from her friends#Jim ends up rethinking his decision due to the fact that Toby even as a cursed object can’t for the life of him keep a secret#when he hears the castle is under a curse he’s immediately interested in helping#even if Claire really just wants this nosy human boy and his parents to be on their way#oh shit I think I just wrote another au#trollhunters#tales of arcadia#jim lake jr#claire nuñez#toa#jlaire#this was just chillin in my drafts for awhile
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nobody talks about how embarrassing it is to fall over as an adult 😭 i’m grown. i’ve been walking all of my life. it shouldn’t be this hard
#I’m 27 and I just fully fell on an uneven pavement#like falling over is funny even when it’s you but it actually really did hurt and I’m still in pain#and i can’t tell if it’s worse when nobody sees so it’s just you or if you have an audience#like falling by yourself is bad because there’s nobody there to laugh with but what if someone saw from a distance#but falling in front of an audience is bad because if you try to play it off and laugh along you look desperate
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i went wandering off in my pokespe gallery and had to relieve how wonderful this scene played out. no kidding
please dont read the tags i got emotional there /lh
#the.plot felt a bit confusing to me admittedly but oras did so well in trying to make franticshipping incredibly satisfactory since#at the end of rs we couldn't really tell if they settled with each others feelings yet (APPARENTLY NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE PRIDEFUL AND DUMB/JJ)#but at least sapphire still had some thoughts about it but i was kinda mad WHY DIDNT RUBY GIVE HIS HALF OF THE FEELINGS PROPERLY!!!#WELL THIS HAPPENED WHERE HE OPENLY CONFESSES ABOUT HOW MUCH HE CARES ABOUT HER AND THE WHOLE WORLD CELEBRATED#in r/s they were constantly separated from each other by WILL BECAUSE they despise each other so much#in oras - after confessing - it literally ACHES for ruby to not see her like take a fucking shot everytime he says wheres sapphire????#THEY WERE ALWAYS AWAY FROL EACH OTHER HERE AND HE FEELS SO GUILTY FOR EVERY TIME SAPPHIRE GETS HARMED#FOR EXAMPLE; FIGHTING WITH ZINNIA AND FALLING OFF THE ROCKET - LOSING HER VOICE - RUBY HOLDING THE SECRET FROM SAPPHIRE BY PROMISING STEVEN#LITERALLY EVERUTHING SHE DOES MAKES HIM FEEL ALL THE MORE GUILTY AND HE CANT EVEN TELL HER STRAIGHT HES SORRY BECAUSE THEY'RE LITERALLY#FUCKING AWAY FROM EACH OTHRHADHDHRHSBRBDBSHSHSHE#AND WHEN THEY FINALLU MEET UP VIA TROPIUS AND RAYQUAZA SHE TELLS HIM TO SHUT UP AND HOLD HIS EMOTIONS FOR NOW. THAT'S HOW DESPERATE HE WAS#TO SEE EHR AGAIN AHAHAHAHTDTHHGG IM SO INSANEEE#AND AT THIS MOMENT HE ALMOST EMOTIONALLY CONFESSES WITH TEARS HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE HER AGAIN BECAUSE WORST COMES TO WORST HE'LL NEVER SEE#HER IF HE TRIES TO SAVE THE WORLD BY HIMSELF FROM THE METEORRRRRR AKAAJAHAAJ#AND THATS WHY HE INVITES HER TO SAVE THE WORLD TOGETHER AS CORNY AS IT SOUNDS BUT ITS BECAUSE IF HE'LL DIE HE WANTS TO DIE WITH HER AAAHSGDV#AND SAPPHIRE'S REACTION WAS FAINTING WHICH TBH WAS A COMEDIC MOMENT FOR SUCH AN IMPACTFUL DIALOG FROM HIM BUT AJDHSJHDS MAKES ME HAPPY#y'all don't even get me started how this plays out when stevaide is in here DON'T EVEN#~ rambling#i just woke up and i chose violence (franticshipping)#pokespe hours
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bleh
#blabbering#rambling/whining/complaining/venting ahead:#I think the horrors have finally caught up to me and the depresso is starting to take hold#i don't usually experience this until winter but I think the sudden drop of activity and people going on hiatus and such -#has triggered this early for me#basically I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long or i start spiraling REALLY badly.#i don't really handle change very well haha...#i have the notorious curse of second guessing anything and everything and putting it on repeat in my head and then amplifying it#which sucks bc I don't have any more escapisms that work now bc this was already my escapism and I have no human connections irl#(I'm not kidding either. I've failed time and time again to make friends irl and was always the proactive one about it. But alas... ugh)#my only source for connections is online bc i struggle to make friends (especially at my age and how my energy keeps depleting and depletin#might lowkey be sharkweek but usually I just get more agitated and not this (this is very specific to the winter horrors™ for me)#i guess I may as well check out the spears while they're around still (tho in between me making dinner). I'm just feeling super bummed out#and not excited like I was the other day about it (ofc I blame the depresso™).#I don't even know what to do for my beta characters. Head empty. Head gone. sigh.#also it sucks bc next week is gonna kick my ass at work (canada day/july 4th/july in general/5 DAYS and long shifts in there too)#i'm going to be so tired and so alone and with nothing to look forward to. Idk what to do bc none of my usual distractions are effective no#No escape. No seretonin. No company. Nothin'. I notice I when i start getting bad like this when I fall back hard into pokemon#(because it was my childhood escapism and I was a neglected only child who was left alone a lot; hence the connection lol)#i'll probably just have to suffer through it and be an absolute wreck of a person i think. I don't really have any other options#watch me get sick again bc canada sucks to work bc everyone has it off and they ALL GO TO THE STORE I WORK AT AND IT SUCKS.#gonna try to draw more too but the depresso is eating my brain worms (the healthy brain worms)
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eregyrn-falls replied to your post: “I've been watching a lot of tornado related...”
tornadoes are something that terrified me as a little kid, no doubt due to television. (i can remember a nightmare from early childhood about a tornado.) i grew up in eastern PA, where at the time we didn't have any. so it was the IDEA of them that terrified me. honestly, it still does. i would very very VERY much prefer never to live in a place that gets them with any regularity.
i realize they're old hat for you, and that's true for anyone who lives with a natural phenomenon. you come to respect it, rather than be terrified of it. but for me, i can't get past the suddenness of them. the fact that they can strike in the middle of the night when you might have almost no warning at all. while they aren't completely unpredictable (obviously there are observable weather fronts and stuff), to me, they feel that way.
the natural disasters that i can deal with are hurricanes, and blizzards. both of those are things you see coming for DAYS. you can get out ahead of them. you can take steps to protect your house and your pets and yourself. (i mean, both of those in theory, assuming you have the means and the financial situation.) earthquakes and tornadoes are too sudden for me and that's why they scare me.
oh you're not the only one who's had a tornado nightmare! one of the worst nightmares I've had in my entire life was a tornado nightmare!
I think that what allows me to continue living in a tornado-prone area despite my general anxiety over like, idk, life, is two things: 1) tornado predictions give a crazy amount of warning nowadays, and 2) I live in a tornado-prone area, I've had a few close calls, but it's not like I live in Moore, Oklahoma lmao.
most tornado warnings aren't even that a tornado has been spotted by someone or confirmed by radar. most of them are "radar indicated rotation", meaning that a thunderstorm with a rotating cloud has been detected on radar. which doesn't mean tornado. it does mean a storm capable of a tornado and more likely to produce one, but it doesn't mean a tornado. or even a funnel cloud!
very VERY rarely are people caught off guard by a tornado anymore. FEMA says the average amount of time between a tornado warning being issued and the tornado or storm striking the area is 10 to 15 minutes. plenty of time to grab your emergency kit and go to your safe place. we have tornado watches if the weather is favorable and often know days in advance whether we'll be hit by weather conducive for tornadogenesis.
and even when we don't know in advance, like I said, we still have plenty of warning! about a week ago, I woke up to sirens, then ten minutes later, heard them again. which I knew likely meant a tornado warning had been issued (the first time, I checked my phone and saw it was severe thunderstorm and just rolled over to sleep some more lol). and before I could check, my phone went off, blaring the same alarm as an Amber Alert. which I knew 100% meant tornado warning. and it was. my roommate and I had time to use the bathroom, grab the dogs and emergency bag, and even take the dogs outside really quick to pee before the storm hit us! and we didn't have a tornado watch in effect. there weren't supposed to be conditions for tornadoes that morning.
and like I said, I don't live in Moore. if I did, I wouldn't even DREAM of living somewhere without a basement. as it is, I fucking hate that my best option is a hallway on the first floor. we've gotten tornadoes before. some have gotten close to me. one literally lifted over a building I was in. but thankfully, we're not as prone as other locations in my state; the storms tend to lose some steam by the time they reach here. and the tornadoes that do spawn tend to be lower level, again, because of the storms losing steam by the time they get here.
I know a lot about the science of tornadoes and grew up in Tornado Alley (or adjacent, depending on what graphic you use), so I know that our current methods are so flipping good at protecting us. we DO have warning. not as much as for a hurricane, but generally speaking, enough to, like I said, use the bathroom and grab the pets. earthquakes...yeah those don't typically give much warning, but that's something scientists are working on. buildings in earthquake-prone areas are built to withstand them (much like many buildings in tornado-prone areas are built to withstand severe storms), and people grow up learning what to do in an earthquake. (which is find a table to hide under, essentially, btw.)
no, what scares ME the most are wildfires.
you're flat-out fucked over by those.
#eregyrn-falls#I recognize that I wrote out a long thing and likely didn't change your mind#tornadoes ARE scary. I get scared when I know there's a confirmed tornado near me.#last year what wound up being an EF4 was headed for the town I live in#I was watching its track and hearing the sirens go off and seeing reports of it being bad#I was on my phone with my parents the entire time trying not to completely freak out and failing#luckily the tornado didn't make it to us#and even more luckily no one was killed#but like. straddling the line of awareness and fear is really difficult and I don't always succeed#even after a lifetime of tornadoes!#BUT SERIOUSLY WILDFIRES ARE SO MUCH WORSE HOLY SHIT#I can handle ''shelter in place'' WAY better than ''YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES TO LEAVE OR YOU WILL DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH''#response
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vent moment but my health is a bit worse than i let on, which is weird ik since it seems like complain about it all the time here, and apparently i also look sick, because two separate people in their 40s or 50s asked me, 24, if i needed their seat on the bus. kind of them. but humiliating nonetheless.
#medical stuff cw#i sat on the steps instead of taking their seat#vent cw#i have to take five different pills a day excluding birth control which i also take for health reasons but okay#i have to thank italy for its healthcare system because at least i dont have to pay a fuckton for all that stuff. except birthcontrol.#as i may have mentioned they found quite a bit of blood in my piss so im getting tested for ✨️cancer✨️#also because i've been having health issues which might be rated#my blood work is all off but i didnt get tested for tumoral cells specifically because i may have 'just' an autoimmune condition#so im on heavy duty antibiotics too now bc i also developed antibiotic resistance last year. anyway.#i need to take those and then they'll test my peepee again but this time they will also test explicitly for tumoral cells#because something is off and my previous blood work didnt point out what exactly#terrible anemia and other slightly-off numbers that however shouldnt be off considering my lifestyle#i eat almost everything. drink plenty of water. exercise. barely smoke. not even drinking anymore. i'm not too fat nor too skinny.#so. some of the numbers that are off dont really have a reason to be off which is why they are testing my blood and piss for cancer#but like. in 3 weeks because i have to take antibiotics and iron meds (not supplements. meds.) first#so my mind's trying to convince itself that i dont have a tumor. but what if i do? i know i dont. but not knowing makes me go insane#also i have to get tested for heart disease because that motherfucker is not working properly. doesnt pump enough blood to my brain.#i took an ekg and it came back pretty normal except for tachycardia#now i have to go get an holter ekg - but was told to wait until uni starts again bc i need that exam to be done when i have a daily routine#so basically they slap electrodes and shit on me for 24 hrs while i go do my shit around the city and then see how my heart behaved#because i cant stand without struggling to breathe and sometimes it happens when in laying down to.#sometimes i cant fall asleep because i cant breathe#at first the doc thought it might be a reflux issue but not. all good on that front.#so. we'll see. and i mean. i KNOW it's not cancer. like. i'd be dead by now bc i've been having these symptoms for five months#however. i dont know if it's not an autoimmune disease. and if it is? what am i gonna do?
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sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki
#im trying to mess with some of the stuff that feels weird about the ways the fire nation is depicted idk#like i do not feel optically it is good for like them to be so heavily based on japan's imperialist actions#while dressed in clothes that come from places japan colonized#but i dont want it to just be solely japanese though i did draw zuko and azula in hakama but its largely cause i wanted to draw hakama#and like the only place with strong japanese influence being kiyoshi island and my own frustration with the modern day samurai depiction#i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me#anyway i think keeping the thai influence is fine despite the brief invasion japan had into thailand due to thailand then allying with japa#and further allying with the axis due to allying with japan#ugh and ive been told not to think this much about it because its fiction but its also fiction so so so heavily based on real places#and when you base fiction on real cultures you fall into some unintentional pitfalls#i also fucking hate the royal fire nation robes they look so meh and the most costumey out of everything in the show#they look like heavy blankets despite being a supposedly hot nation#theres ways to have heavy robes (heian era japan) but they look like i make them out of fleece and velvet blankets#back to kiyoshi island i think the really only aesthetically japanese reference in the show being an island of noble warriors is lame#plus over done#it feels like nowadays theres a lot of people who get all whiney about people saying fire nation is based off japan#but like dude the creators in the comics and korra like go even more into the japanese influence and clearly it was the original intentions#also i do think you could do some pretty interesting world building by having say there be an older cultural influence on kiyoshi island#from the fire nation especially if the place is established as a central port area then you tie in some okinawan or even hawaiian reference#and gives an explanation that makes sense to why kiyoshi stands out from the rest of the earth kingdom you have long term cultural trading#and it establishes interesting relationships even pre kiyoshi time thereby drawing back onto some real historic references#cause for awhile ryukyu china and japan used to be this trading triangle which could explain some of these various influences going on#i think you can get a really interesting harmony when you create the fire nation out of a mix of japan and thailand#i mean both have these floating buildings due to living on some pretty wet lands and theres harmony in that mix#god i did see one person go like “fire nation is more based on china because theres a lot of red and red is important in china”#my brother in christ red is also important in japan#red is important in like many many asian cultures#i mean of course a lot of that importance stems from china and cultural exchange with china but idk kinda silly to say with your whole ches#like if you want to bring china in then the dragons are the biggest thing like sure some mythos has dragons in japan#but a lot of those comes from china in some way
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I wanna do a Faerie au, but with Reader as the fae who lures/tempts one of the guys from 141 and steals them away.
#tho it'd be so hard to pull it off#cuz i think none of them would really fall for it easily#i know fanon portrays soap as this naive little kid#and some of them don't portray gaz at all#their youthness might make them more susceptible to faes trying to capture them etc#but I think Gaz n Soap will be able to sense something's off#even tho they won't be able to pinpoint out what is it that's wrong#price is probably a seasoned hunter and can see a trap laid out when there is one#ghost would require a lot of treachery and slickness in order to get him under your thumb#this is probably gonna end up in my personal WIP hell as I don't know how to bring this to life yet#fae!au#fae au#fae!reader#141 x reader#kyle gaz garrick#john soap mactavish#captain john price#simon ghost riley#char.gaz#char.price#char.soap#char.ghost#char.fae reader#celena.rambles
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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
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slept maybe 4 or 5 hours this whole ordeal is really burdening me i feel so disheartened 😔
#i still can’t believe 2 grown people would act like this#one of them is even older than me#she always acts so nice towards everyone but talks behind their back#i always knew they didn’t like me much and talked behind my back as well but i never imagined it was to this extent#to go to the boss behind my back…. i’m just baffled#and i need to work from 2pm til 8pm today again#at least they won’t be there but work was already dreadful for me now it’s absolutely unbearable#having to work with people who talk so poorly abt me and are so deceitful just thinking about seeing their faces again makes me sick#a friend told me i should call in sick and i really think that’s what i’ll do next week#like this whole situation is burdening me to the point i can’t sleep this job is draining me both mentally and physically#and if they claim i don’t do anything anyways it shouldn’t make a difference if i’m there right#i know that’s not true and they will be understaffed when i’m not there and it makes me feel a little bad for my other coworkers but i have#to look out for myself and my own wellbeing#idk what i did to deserve all this sometimes it feels like my life is just one punch to the gut after another#i’m not your strongest soldier god…. i can’t do this#cried so much last night hoping i wouldn’t wake up again after finally falling asleep#and here i still am….#sorry for all the negativity to the few people who might actually read my tags but i’m really hanging on by a thread and it feels like it’s#about to break off any minute#also thank you to all the people who’ve reached out me i really appreciate it i’ll try replying soon but today will be another long day so#it may take a while#☁️
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Sasuke is Out! Sasuke is Doing things! What will Sasuke do?! I have no idea!!! I've never gotten this far in the story before, so I have no idea how things are going from here!!!! But Sasuke is Loose!!!!!!
Quoting this post to myself as I see Sasuke walking around and doing things. I haven't seen this guy do anything in like a hundred episodes. It's so exciting
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#it's so sweet seeing Suigetsu and Jugo trying to find Sasuke again#meanwhile Karin is under lock and key. yet shes playing with their expectations to her advantage#her pretending to be just the stupid sasuke obsessed girl to make them not pay attention to her#to let her keep the picture that actually contains some fucking lockpicks. crafty af#and her GLASSES??? the arm of her glasses is hiding a little secret knife?!?!! thats so cool karin wtf#i love when shes shown to be capable like this. like her sasuke fangirling was real. before.#but idk about now after he tried to kill her. he does Not deserve to keep her affections after that for Sure.#but shes still using the act. making people underestimate her. so crafty. like fuck yeah you go you funky little outlaw#i do love that shes genuinely a bitch. i hated her when i was younger bc i hated sasuke#and the fangirling still does annoy me. but shes also more than the fangirling.#shes so COOL when shes not obsessing over sasuke. i wanna see more of her!!!!!#unfortunately now i have to go back to this shit ass kage fight. really boring to me. now that sasuke's out i dont caaaaaare#it's just a bunch of OP ninja throwing rocks and shit at each other. madara literally dropped Two giant fucking meteors on the battlefield#like it was just one and it was a huge deal but tsuchikage and gaara stopped it. yay!!#but then it was such a Gradeschooler One Upping You moment where madara was like. Heh. well actually. theres Two.#and the 2nd one falls on the first and kills a bunch of people etc etc like come onnnn this isnt even fun anymore#we're just committing massive ecological damage all around#also killer bee literally PURPOSEFULLY clearing a massive section of forest for the sake of visibility#NONE of these ninja care about the environment!!!!! those poor trees and creatures!!!!!!#anytime theres some kind of poison something and they show it off by having birds or whatever die like#STOP!!!! youre killing the environment!!!!! stop it!!!!!!!!!#anyways what a show. the more ridiculously massive the fight gets the less fun it is to watch.#why should i care about guys throwing boulders at each other. Boringggg show me some people punching the shit outta each other.#THE TAIJUTSU!!!! WHERES THE TAIJUTSU!!!!! STOP WITH UR OP NINJA MAGIC SHOW ME TAIJUTSU!!!!!!!!#i also really want to see itachi. where is he. sasuke's loose now i know he teams up with itachi Where Is He....#LETS GET SOME UCHIHA UP IN THIS BITCH!!!! madara get ur pasty ass out of here and tobi stick your head in a toilet#only the uchiha BROTHERS here get those old guys OUTTA HEREEEEEEE#anywyas i actually folded some laundry while watching. wild. having fun rn
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