#even though we have like 4 we’ve already drawn and need to do lol

[titus-androgynous-87]

I sent this to my wife and she sent me this:

And if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about us, I don’t know what else you want from me

[Men and especially minors, DNI. He/They married dyke]

[butterflydm]

wot reread: the shadow rising (prologue-chap2 Perrin PoV)

spoilers through the end of the fourth book, the shadow rising.

1. Using Min’s Talent here to set up some ominous foreshadowing in a very good way. Oh, and this about Gawyn: “So you will protect her whether she wants it or not?” Summing up a large part of Gawyn in a single sentence there. And we do see here the beginnings of the struggle here between Gawyn trying desperately to Fulfill The Role that he was meant to have (of Elayne’s protector) but unable to do so because the world is in the process of turning upside down, due to the Dragon having been reborn. This question also implies the other half that he deals with as well, which would be: are you trying to protect her whether she NEEDS it or not? (because Elayne is roughly 1000x more capable than Gawyn even at the beginning tbh. except with swords but even there, Gawyn isn’t who she would pick to be defending her with a sword (it’s Rand, she would pick Rand))

2. Min being forced to adopt her old name that she hates and feminine attire that she hates: this is painful to read. If the timelines get compressed in the right ways, maybe she won’t need to do this in the show.

3. Elaida has... a fascinating brain. That is not a compliment in this particular instance, lol. She also teams up with Alviarin right away. Elaida already knows that Rand is important due to her Foretelling from EotW, which is not something that is currently at play in the show. I wonder if they are going to do something in S2 to make sure that Elaida is both aware of and wary of Rand in particular as we go forward. That’s kinda a point in favor of us getting some kind of version of the garden scene, so that Elaida can meet Rand.

4. Ah, and we are reminded that Fain has infested the Whitecloaks like a cancer, feeding on their paranoia and suspicion to make them even bigger assholes than they were before.

5. It seems likely to me that if we get these scenes with Suroth in the show, if they want to show us this side of what’s going on, we would probably use an Aes Sedai we’ve already met to be ‘Pura’, which would likely mean Maigan. Ugh, Seanchan PoVs are so hard to read!

6. Faile is very much of the ‘I can fix him’ school of relationships and it kinda makes me wince. It’s like she has a list of defects about Perrin that she is systematically going through to try to repair, starting with little things like “influence him grow a beard” down to more major things like “his entire approach to relationships is incorrect because it is not the same as my culture’s approach and so he must be bullied and manipulated into acting appropriately”. There are many things that I like about Faile but this is... this is not one of those things.

7. The culture clash remains so strong and yet so much of it is because they will not talk plainly to each other (and this is definitely on Perrin as much as it is Faile). Faile complains that his rooms are too simple because he “refuses stand up for himself” and he ‘did not comment’ even though, literally, it was standing up for himself that got him the plain rooms he wanted instead of the fancy ones that he doesn’t want. Perrin, I think, spends way too much time trying to read Faile’s mind through the way she smells and not enough time actually talking to her.

8. Perrin is almost hilariously casual about how Rand is going to ‘die a rotting death’ from the madness, you know, like all men who channel do. Thanks, bro! Cheerful thought!

9. “Mat won’t even admit that he’s ta’veren, but however he tries to get away, he always ends up drawn back to Rand.” Thanks for the first Cauthor crumb of the book, Perrin! Cauthor crumbs is all I eat these days.

10. I just realized that I have no idea how much time has passed since Rand claimed Callandor. Long enough that Faile is like, “hey Moiraine has forgotten your existence, let’s book it” but this is Faile so that could be, like, two days. lol, but I figure it must be longer for Mat to have admit multiple attempts to ‘get away’ (though judging by his behavior in TDR, I assume that the attempts were mostly just him complaining really loudly tbh).

11. It breaks my heart how... close... Perrin is to Accepting The Call. In these first few books, it seemed like he would be the first one to really accept things. Here, he’s talking about how his destiny is with Rand and that he thinks he needs to do his part so that Rand can do his.

12. And now we bring up the two sticking points in Perrin Accepting the Call -- his refusal to embrace his innate wolfiness, and the conflict between the hammer and the axe. If we get the bubble of evil scenes, then this one with Perrin, Faile, and the axe would be especially heartwrenching because of the backstory change for Perrin. So, the ‘few who already know’ about his wolf secret would be... Egwene, Elyas, and... does Moiraine know? I don’t think Mat and Rand know. I think Moiraine and Lan know...? Yeah, because of the road trip and meeting the other wolfbrother, I think they know.

13. “to go home and see his family again” - I believe this is the first mention of Perrin’s family outside of his apprenticeship to Master Luhhan. But they needed to be invented for... reasons. So now Perrin has a family at home that he wants to return to! It’s actually interesting to me that the show didn’t introduce his family in the pilot, even briefly, so that they could lay that hook in.

14. I’m not sure we needed more mentions of girls ‘young enough to be his grandaughter’ hitting on Thom, but we got them anyway! Show!Thom does have that aging rockstar vibe, I guess, at least. But I would still be absolutely cool if they just... didn’t do this bit.

15. Faile/Perrin - two stubborn people desperately trying to outstubborn each other into making the other one crack first even though they both know that clear communication would make them happier. I don’t blame the bubble of evil for attacking. I have never understood their relationship and I doubt I ever will, lol.

16. I’m glad that Perrin didn’t just let Faile hit him, and that he stopped her and asked her not to do it again. Not okay, Faile! Taking your anger and worry out on Perrin is not cool. Scream into a pillow or something.

17. Faile assumes that Rand was trying to kill them???? Like, on purpose??? Faile, I have so many questions.

18. Question: do we think the pipe-smoking will make it into the show? I don’t personally feel like it adds anything but a LOT of characters smoke. This may have just been an artifact of when the books were written tho and Jordan being a pipe-smoker himself.

[vixen-flower]

Shadowsight Should Kill Ashfur, Here’s Why

I know he’s a medicine cat but hear me out — out of all the cats (except Squirrelflight. If she does it I am also fine lol) it makes the most sense and would be the most interesting for him to kill Ashfur.

Here’s why :

We haven’t had a protagonist kill a villain since DOTC / NP

Iirc, the last time we got a protagonist in main series kill a villain was Thunder and One-eye. One-eye wasn’t a villain on the level of Darktail or Ashfur though, so we could go even further back to NP and say that Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost’s battle was the last time we had a built-up fight between a protagonist and a villain. While Hollyleaf killed Ashfur, this was not something we saw on screen. It would be interesting to have one of our protagonists kill Ashfur.

Shadowsight has the most connection to Ashfur outside of the protagonists

Shadowsight is a better candidate than Bristlefrost or Rootspring because he has the most connection to Ashfur. I probably don’t need to explain this part much, but obviously he was manipulated, abused, and hurt by Ashfur. It would be much more emotional to watch a fight between Shadowsight and Ashfur than Rootspring and Ashfur, especially since the latter pair barely know each other / interact and it would feel like any other villain take-down. But Shadowsight *knows* Ashfur. We’ve been built-up to this. Shadowsight has a personal reason to be angry at Ashfur. It would be a good character moment for him.

Shadowsight would be able to rid himself of his guilt

Shadowsight this arc has been very passionate about fixing what he started & is extremely guilty for what he’s done. Killing Ashfur is the best way to “fix what he started.” I’m really not sure how he could do so if he didn’t. Saving StarClan is great, but that’s not something Shadowsight himself caused. Saving Bramblestar might be another way he could “fix what he started,” but that’s already happened, and Rootspring saved Bramblestar, not him. I feel like this is the last option for him to redeem himself. Not just for other cats, but to himself.

Shadowsight would have to do the one thing he was hesitant to do

Shadowsight himself has always been pretty non-violent until he has been forced to. Example, he tried to avoid getting in a fight in TPONS until he saw Squirrelflight in danger, to which he attacked Ashfur because he had no other choice. Having a passive character like Shadowsight have to kill is SO much more interesting than having a warrior character do it. Especially as a medicine cat, especially one who is so vehemently opposed to killing, I wonder how he would dealing with killing Ashfur, even if he is a horrible person. Shadowsight tries to avoid fighting but gets drawn to it anyways. It’s just more unexpected from him. While a final battle between Ashfur + Shadowsight would be more interesting if Bramblestar was still possessed (imagine — Shadowsight has to kill Bramblestar, the very thing he tried to avoid all arc!), it still seems like the best option to me story-wise.

Shadowsight has fought him before

Er, kind of. Ashfur tried to kill Shadowsight at the end of TST. Then, in TPONS, Shadowsight attacked Ashfur. He did a little better than the last time, but he still got gravely injured. He did, however, manages to help Bramblestar and Squirrelflight. It would be interesting if we got a third and final fight between these two where Shadowsight finally wins, once and for all. I feel like, with protagonist vs villain fights, we’ve never seen the protagonist lose twice in a fight before. It would be another interesting development to see Shadowsight finally win against Ashfur after so many loses and so much build-up.

Anyways, here are the other candidates for Ashie-Murderer and why it shouldn’t be them

1. Rootspring (He has no connection to Ashfur and it’s really just not subversive. Ashfur has not hurt him personally, it would be a generic hero story)

2. Bristlefrost (Tbh I think Bristlefrost could’ve been a good candidate too since she spied for Ashfur/Manipulated by him, but truth be told, it’s not on the same level of Shadowsight and Ashfur’s relationship. Also, her character has been kinda sidelined the past few books. It would be strange for a final battle between Bristlefrost and Ashfur with no build-up)

3. Bramblestar (I feel like dude has had his time to shine and there are better, newer characters who could kill Ashfur. He has had the development, he doesn’t need more. Frankly, I’m tired of this dude)

4. Squirrelflight (Well I’m fine with her doing it, she has even more reasons than Shadowsight. If it can’t be Shadowsight, it should be her, or else I’ll be very mad lol. Unrelated, but have you noticed how women in warriors barely ever fight with the main villain??? wtf??)

5. Snowtuft (While Ashfur stole his home + Snowtuft could redeem himself by ending Ashfur, I just feel like he hasn’t been developed enough to have such an important role. It would be shitty if such an important role in the story was handed off to a side-character. I’m gonna be honest, Snowtuft’s redemption isn’t really a redemption because we don’t know what he did / he doesn’t really face consequences. He’s already a good cat now. He’s interesting, but not enough to end the TBC conflict that he *just* got involved in)

6. Someone else??? (Stemleaf??? Idk man maybe his ghost spirits do a Scar and all group together to eat him. That’d be kinda metal ngl, and a bit subversive for warriors?)

I know medicine cats don’t get involved in fights, but gosh — it would be so good storywise for Shadowsight to do so. I’m crossing my fingers. I don’t think it’ll happen — I feel like Rootspring and Bramblestar are all more likely, but if it does happen, I’ll do a happy dance :]

[craziigamerchick]

My Prediction: Grace is Alive

Unpopular opinion here I know. I know SK said she was dead and she may very well be but till I see REAL ghost Grace, her funeral, or a flashback to her dead body then nope I won’t believe it.

I didn’t actually believe she was alive till after the 5th season. But down below I’ll list the signs I’ve seen throughout the show that I think point to her not really being dead.

Grace is all over season 5 but the signs I’ve seen that point to her not being dead are in episode 4 and 5.

For starters the swans represent Grace this season as told in an article from Den of Geek.  Which is a big theme for episode 4.

So episode 4 is called The Loop and there are quite of bit of things that are repeating in this episode from previous seasons. Actually I’d say this whole season feels like a loop. But anyways for the Grace clues...

We have only 2 scenes this season in the Garrison snug which are both in this episode back to back. This is also where the swans are present. So we are to be thinking of Grace during these scenes. 

The first scene is with Mrs.Conners, she is there because her 3 songbirds (goldfinch’s) were killed by her husband. Now I believe the songbird represents Grace along with the swan. As she’s already been linked to the blackbird in s3 and s4 which is also a songbird. Plus one definition of songbird is: a female singer, which she is. When Mrs.Conner says “their singing was the only pretty thing in my life” it focuses on Tommy and the swans to the side of him. I’m sure he thinks the same of Grace and her singing. 

Now I also think songbirds represent the Shelby’s in general or at least Goldfinch’s do. Mosley talks of Tommy being a songbird and his singing beautifully in the house and in that same scene he calls Ada a finch. Then when Tommy tells Mrs.Conner Arthur will go get her 3 new Goldfinch’s she says she’ll name them Tommy, Arthur, and Finn. So that’s all 4 siblings being linked to a finch.

Mrs.Conner leaves and here comes Brilliant Chang. Now don’t forget this happens in the room with the swans that represent Grace.

Shows Chang sitting down right where the swan is unlike Mrs.Conners. We really didn’t see the swan behind her because it wasn’t important. But I believe we saw Chang sit right where the swan was because we are to link him specifically to Grace. Just check out this dialogue:

Chang: My name is Brilliant Chang

Arthur: Brilliant Chang is dead

Chang: Perhaps. Sometimes, I wonder... Is this heaven? Doesn’t smell like heaven. So I would say I have survived.

Now that might not seem like a big deal but the real Brilliant Chang got deported in 1924 and was never thought to be dead (the year here is 1929). So they essentially just made this scenario up for the show and they decide to do it in the room that has Grace motif’s all over it. Yeah...

After Arthur thinks Finn has been shot by Chang’s accomplice he pulls a gun on him. Watch Chang stare down Arthur, it’s exactly like Grace’s with Kimber and IRA man she shot. 

After this Chang puts the “purest” opium on the table. Pure truth he calls it. Which the opium also represents Grace, as you know that’s what Tommy drinks to hallucinate her and quite literally later as she takes the opium’s place on the barge in Tommy’s hallucination.

When Chang gives the Opium to Tommy as a gift, Tommy’s line is “I’ll throw it in the canal” which is just like his line to Grace in 1.06 “One day we’ll throw this gun in the canal”.

So now we have 4 things that represent Grace. The songbird, Swans, Chang, and Opium. Those will be important later.

The Next big scene we have is when Tommy hallucinates Grace in his office after Mosley leaves and she’s blaming him for her death. He can’t even look at her in this scene. It goes straight from this scene to him standing on bridge looking down, He see’s the January with Grace half covered in the coals (she’s in the spot the opium would be).

He runs to Ada to tell her about his vision (hallucination) of Grace even though it’s 2 AM. He tells Ada “Grace was there. But she was still alive. The name of the barge was the January”. Now this sticks out to me because he says she was still alive. It made no sense to me while this is the hallucination he says this about. He’s been talking to her and seeing her in other places but doesn’t say anything like that. He knows she’s not real so what gives. Then I read in the article above they originally had a swan that swimming in front of the barge but decided to cut it. So this scene was supposed to be the one you linked the swan imagery to Grace but since they cut it most people won’t know that the swan represents her through this series. 

So here we have a swan in front of the barge that has Grace on it in place of the opium which Chang called “pure truth” and Tommy saying she was alive. Also, she’s not on just any barge but the January which is the boat Tommy had his healing journey on in s2. Hmm...He even says at one point to Ada “there is a part me that is unfamiliar to myself and I keep finding myself there and only the January can get me away”...Is that the shows way of saying that Grace being alive would help heal him like the January did in s2?

Now I agree with Ada that the black barge signals guilt for him too especially with Grace inside it. Even though he won’t admit it to anyone, we all know he feels guilty about her death. 

Now about the Swan Lake Ballet. Polly tells Michael that Tommy want to impress someone which is Mosley this time but who is the other person he was constantly trying to impress. It’s the shows way of reminding you of her without saying her name.

When we get to the Lizzie’s party the first scene is with Michael and Gina Grey (Tommy and Grace lite lol). Tommy and Grace’s Secret Portrait are featured in most of this scene. They even focus on it at the end of their scene. Maybe the horse was named Grace’s Secret because her secret is she’s alive. The paintings are supposed to have a storyline of their own but we’ve never actually seen it. That portrait is the portrait we’ve seen every season (or a version of it) so it’s important. SK already had the series mapped out by s2 just hadn’t written it yet so it wouldn’t surprise me.

Now another thing that caught my attention, when Gina is telling Michael he’ll be replacing Tommy and he asks where Tommy will be she replies “where he wants to go to most”. We all think of that as death but let’s be honest, it’s with Grace. That’s what tips him over the edge every time to actually try to commit suicide (to be with her). So if she’s dead that’s where but if she’s not then it’s wherever she is.

On to another scene, in the scene between Mosley and Tommy having a brandy before the play we see pictures on the table with the liquor. There’s quite a few on there but Grace’s is the lightest one on the table and the one our eyes are drawn to. It’s a way to remind us of her again and look it’s her undercover picture. 

Now we have the Swan Lake ballet. @korinthya has an exceptional analysis on this and what it means for the Peaky universe. So I’d go check it out if you’re interested. 

We only see the swan dancing and not much of the story but as she’s dancing, Linda rolls up in her car and when she gets out she’s wearing a dress with songbirds on it!

She gets shot the exact same time as the Swan does. It looks like both Linda and the swan are dead (just Like Grace) but at the last second it makes a point to show the swan open her eyes. No need to do that unless it was important to the narrative because there is no other scene connected to that shot. Also, normally the swan dies by drowning not getting shot, so they changed that specifically to mirror Grace.

Once the next episode starts (ep5) we see that Linda has not died (the songbird lives). She was just shot in the arm, the same side as Grace (which is funny because Aberama and Finn were shot in the almost exact same spots this season and lived too). Now this scene could be a retelling of what sort of happened with Grace, not exact of course. Think about it, this whole season has been a loop of events. Working with the Chinese, the white flag truce, the bartender is a spy, there is a singer in the bar, Tommy shooting a horse, him doing his arm gesture in 5x01 like he did 3x01 with the no f’ fighting scene, ect. There’s so much more if you look. 

So lets look at the key things from this scene with Linda and see what could have happened after Grace got shot.. Tommy is pulling Arthur away and telling him to go outside till it’s done (Linda getting the bullet out), which if you remember in 4x01 he told Polly to let the nurses and doctors do their job too. So it’s not out of the realm of impossibility that he let the doctors work on Grace and him not be in the room (she was still moving by the end of 3x02 so I don’t doubt she was alive when an ambulance got there).  Tommy also says the bullet is still in there, it’s above the bone which could also be what happened to Grace. Don’t forget it looks like she got shot right on her collarbone not under it. This is part is important and can be a big clue as to how someone could pass her off as dead, Tommy sends Arthur out to get some Opium for Linda but Polly has some of her own and so Tommy gives it to Linda while Arthur is still out of the room. She passes out and then Arthur comes in the room and thinks she’s dead. He doesn’t even realize she’s alive until Tommy tells him that she’s ok and he gave her something to knock her out. 

That could easily be what happened to Grace. Tommy might have let the doctors do their work, someone slipped her something (maybe section D, they did say they can get to anyone anywhere and they were there at the party) and when Tommy came back in it looked like she was dead. He might not have been able to handle looking at her like that and left. Remember in his hallucination in his office where she is holding the stone, bleeding and accusing him of her death he can’t look at her once. It might have been the same way in the hospital. 

We also have another loop in this scene. Arthur is saying that Polly should have let him take the bullet (the original bullet was meant for Arthur but Polly stepped in and saved him) and it’s a repeat of the original bullet that Grace took was meant for Tommy. So the brothers were supposed to take a bullet but nope the wife ended up getting it. It doesn’t stop there during this scene either. We have another loop. Polly tells Arthur, Aberama wants him as his best man at their wedding just like Tommy wanted him as his best man at his wedding in 3x01.

Seriously just watch this season over and see how many loops there are. There is so many it’s unreal.

In the next scene with Linda and Arthur, she leaves him. which is essentially what Grace did with Tommy (voluntary or not it happened). 

Then there is Ben Younger which is also some of a loop. He’s a British intelligence officer like Grace was.  He’s having threats made to him by Section D because of Tommy (don’t forget they threatened Tommy’s family). He even brings up Section D’s history with Tommy. Tommy tells Ada “he pushed him to report on the Fascists” which is a loop of him telling the Gypsy lady “he pushed some people to far” (about the Italians). Saying he is guilty of both their death’s. He tells Ada that Section D or the intelligence branch had him killed (the loop here is that is who could have took Grace). Then some other things that connect younger to Grace also, Tommy said his death would go down as “an IRA assassination of a British Military Officer” which is what happened to Grace’s father. Then we see neither Grace’s or Ben’s dead bodies or funerals. Plenty of loops here. I do think Ben is dead though. The loop with Grace for him is the connections to section D and maybe the excuse to as how she died. I bet they didn’t say she was shot by an Italian in revenge. The ladies at the institute know of her death and aren’t afraid of Tommy so I bet they had a good cover.

Back to Chang, in his next scene we have talk of the police, Irish, and Opium. Which can be associated with Grace. He also talks about the Uncles being mad. That is the part that caught my attention. It was just a quick one liner that didn’t make much sense but remember the only family member we seen of Grace is her uncle and he was not happy about the marriage. 

Arthur then says “F’ your uncles. And your aunts, your cousins, all of them Right?” which reminds me of Tatiana’s line in s3 “Brothers gave sisters, aunts gave uncles, fathers gave daughter and servants”. The deliveries were identical. So another loop.

Now I Think that’s most of the symbolism in S5. 

Before I end this post I want to talk about SK saying Grace is dead. He’s probably not lying but it doesn’t have to mean dead like we think. Look at both Alfie in season 5 and Polly in s4, both say they died (when they had an attempt on their life) but are actually still alive. I mean even Aberama calls Polly a ghost in their kissing scene in s4. So I could see the same thing happening to Grace. She is dead like them but also still alive. 

I mean isn’t that Tommy’s thing? He died in the war but he’s still here. Aren’t him and Grace the same but also mirrors? So who she was when she shot could very well be dead and a different Grace (maybe even different name if undercover) emerged and SK could still say she’s dead because hey guess what in context of the show she is, just like Polly, Alfie, Tommy, Danny Whizzbang(was), Chang, and Arthur (his fake out in s4).

If she does come back I don’t see it happening until maybe 11 years have passed. 11 seems to be the special number between Tommy and her. When Tommy has his soldiers minute in s1 the time on the watch is 11. Then before they sleep together in s2 Grace tells Tommy “it’s too late” and he says “Grace it’s 11:00″ and her replay is no “no I mean it’s too late”. So it’s not about time at all. I could see her coming back 11 years later and her telling Tommy it’s too late. 

Now while I don’t think she is dead (final) after watching season 5 and going back through the seasons if I ever do see real ghostGrace I will hang up that theory. But the more I pay attention the more I see that something is amiss.

Ok, I’m done now. I may do a post about s3 and s4 and the signs there but this post is long enough as it is.

[lizacstuff]

SCK / Edser asks - ep 31/32

Asks about episode 31, some discussion of 32 under the cut

Anonymous said: with the past two episodes, i realized, for me at least, it's not so much about it feeling disjointed (31 didn't really feel disjointed to me tbf) but about the lack of edser screentime. when we do have their scenes, they're good! but the last 2 eps haven't had a lot of it which is what's frustrating (more annoying to me than even selin believe it or not). the fragman for next week looks good though.. with serkan losing his shit more and more.. which can only mean good things for us! lol.

Yes, I agree with this. This episode was a lot less disjointed than 30. 30 felt weird. For 31, there wasn’t enough Edser, but I found it leaps and bounds easier to watch than the last two episodes. As for not enough Edser, I was wondering if that was partly about the short shooting week. For episode 31 they only shot 4 days, a couple of paps said that they did that to give Kerem 3 days off last week because his family was visiting from US/Canada. I don’t know if that’s true, but they follow him around so they pry know if the fam is in town or not. Perhaps in doing that, they had to rely more on the second unit and focus on other characters?? Because there was a lot of focus on other characters this episode.

Speaking of other storylines, I do have to say that I’m very relieved that there is an actual reason why Ceren has lost the thread a bit. If she’s off her meds it explains a lot, and I’m thankful that while she tantrumed a lot about Eda and forced herself on someone who wasn’t inviting it with Deniz, she didn’t do anything unforgivable like actively try and hurt Eda. 

Also the Erdem and Leyla scenes were amusing, and my queen Melo can do anything she wants. The only character who actually gives a damn about Eda and Serkan.  

While there wasn’t enough Edser, there was more than a lot of people are giving the episode credit for.  They had several really good scenes in the office with the balloons and the staring and later him questioning her about Deniz. We got jealous Serkan sniffing around Eda and Deniz’s cafe, and a really nice outside Eda’s house scene that got them being kind to each other and really, honestly talking. Then the funny scene inside with everyone thinking they were back together and Aydan freaking out. (we even got Serkan getting a few cathartic slaps!)  The boat scenes were good, but they could have been better. I think they could have given us more and Eda could have been a bit more open with him trying so hard. 

The final scene was a slap in the face and I think sort of tainted the rest of the episode, but without that, I thought there was actual progress made. 

As for the fragman (and the extra scenes released in the VDay video yesterday) I actually have hope for 32 being a turning point. We’ve seen him be curious about her and opening up with her, now I think we’ll see the ye olde sexual attraction hitting him hard. That should be good!  Plus banning love in the office! Vintage jealous Serkan!

Anonymous said: Last week's episode was not my favorite but after this week's, I'm just confused at the writing situation. You could jump from episode 30, to the last minute of episode 31 and you would've seen all you needed to see. It feels like they're wasting potential. Maybe the showrunner knows something we don't about how much time they have but I'm at the "not mad, but very disappointed" phase with how this story is going. And the "Ceren is crazy off her meds" storyline is particularly striking an nerve.

I’m sorry that the Ceren off her meds story is upsetting to you, I can see that. Unfortunately, I really don’t have faith they’ll do it justice. This show has treated some very big issues like agoraphobia, claustrophobia, narcolepsy, panic attacks and lets not forget amnesia and PTSD, at a very superficial level. However, I am glad that they at least gave a plausible reason for Ceren to undergo a behavioral change.  

However, I don’t agree with you that the rest of the episode was pointless. I thought the Edser we did get was very good and Serkan made big strides. He was drawn to Eda, intrigued by her, asking questions, very jealous of Deniz, lying to Selin, getting annoyed at Selin, and meanwhile Eda and Serkan had some nice quite conversations. Remember the man doesn’t know her, but he feels that primal pull towards her and it still terrifies him. Especially now that we’re past her heightened emotions of ep 29, and he’s realizing what a competent professional she is and also caring and sweet, not quite the picture that Selin painted him. 

The problem is the 1 step forward, 2 steps back that they’re having him do.  However, what I’m hoping will happen is that all these experiences, these big steps forward he makes with Eda, before he freaks, gets back under the influence of Selin and jumps backwards, will have a cumulative effect and he’ll take a giant leap forward soon. 

There are so many moments that show his tendency to be carrying and attentive towards Eda (offering to drive Eda home after the yacht, vs telling Selin he’s busy and she can go on ahead so he can sit and think about Eda), the switch has got to flip sooner rather than later for him. 

Anonymous said: So I noticed that "March 20th" is 5 Saturdays from now. I sincerely hope they don't drag this fake engagement out until then

Good GAWD, don’t even say that! LMAO. Honestly, truly, I don’t think we’re going to drag her fake engagement out that long. Really truly. Have I convinced you yet? Have I convinced myself yet? 

That would be way too much. By March 20th I’m expecting them to be sexing each other up! 

Anonymous said: Think I am going to shake off the not so greatness of the last two episodes by thinking about how hot it is going to be watching Serkan try to win Eda back. Because we ended yet another episode with Serkan apparently still having zero interest in putting his engagement on hold and no progress made towards unmasking Selin’s game. Edser scenes were fire always but still too short & too far in between. At this point I think most of us could write a novel about how all over the place the writing is and how little things makes sense but that is just too depressing.

Yes, I think this is very true. IMO they really miscalculated by going with these engagements. They are really wearing on the audience. But I do think you’re right, that them constantly changing writers is a big part of the issue. Also I think it has to do with constantly living on the edge and not knowing how many episodes this show is going to have. I don’t know how any show could have a clear and consistent narrative with that constantly hanging over the creatives heads. It’s an interesting way to do things. 

It is a bit head spinning when you think about how much time on this show they spend with Edser together and how much apart. HOWEVER, I’m a big proponent that from 16-26, they were basically in a romantic relationship the entire time. Even though they weren’t together, they were together, they belonged to each other, they couldn’t leave each other alone, every decision they made was with the other in mind. But I’m one that doesn’t find those episodes as tortuous as some, there are a LOT of good moments and scenes in there. 

Anonymous said: So was Deniz agreeing to work with Selin supposed to be the start of her downfall? Or not? It honestly seems like the show is not even going the route of Selin doing something to mess with his memories anymore and just going to have Serkan flat out choose Eda over Selin but who knows. Only shining light on that front was the fact that Selin & Serkan had very few couple scenes in the last episode.

You are me, I’ve been wondering about this. The last episode sort of made me give up hope that Selin is going to face any repercussions for the disgusting way she has manipulated and brainwashed an amnesia victim.  I mean, she will be heartbroken and will have to slink out of town again, but it’s possible she may not face any blowback from the other characters and that will suck. 

On the bright side (you know I always have to look on the bright side) that means instead of her being unmasked, it will be, as you say, just Serkan, once again, straight up choosing Eda over her. Which is delicious and romantic in it’s own right. Their love once again triumphing over the biggest of odds, with everything stacked against them and people actively working against them and him suffering from a brain injury. That’s big. And I think after the way Serkan has treated Eda, it’s important that he choose and not just have th choice taken from him by Selin being “unmasked.” Though I’m happy if she’s unmasked after he’s already fallen for Eda (which lets be honest is actively happening). 

So there’s a lot of upside to that, to Serkan just choosing, however if that happens and she leaves prior to him regaining his memories, we’ll probably have to suffer through Serkan thanking Selin and apologizing to her and that might make me break whatever screen I’m watching the show on that night. I keep telling myself the writers have to know we need some comeuppance and consequences for Selin, but I’m not sure I trust them to do that. It’s possible she’ll skate again. 

The spoilers (which so far are batting about 50/50, so this is still all grain of salt) said that the last scene of 31 would be “bad” (it was IMO, ouch!) but that it would start the unmasking of Selin. If Deniz is playing Selin (which I think is very possible) then that spoiler cold still be true.  

Maybe Deniz is a straight up a manipulative villain, but it feels like we have enough of that already. Doesn’t he seem smart enough to realize that he’s never going to get Eda through trickery, and would be much better served by championing her best interests instead of employing underhanded tactics to separate Eda/Serkan? So maybe he’ll help humiliate Selin by reveling what she’s doing. Who knows, we shall see. 

Anonymous said: The thing that bothers me the most is serkan's attitude towards eda. When he is alone with her he is vulnerable, attentive to her, listens and tries to find out more about her and their love and the moments they spent together, he tries to remember. And when he is surrounded by other people especially selin he is completely different with her. He is cold, says cruel things to her (the moment he said that he will never marry her seriously serkan?) and he humiliates her constantly. PART1

Really I wonder why this sudden change every time there is surely something we don't know yet. PART2

Yes, there could be something we don’t know that’s contributing to his behavior. 

Though @echoapothecary had a good theory about those spoilers that came out about how Selin was doing something with pills and potential drugging of Serkan... what if the spoiler types got it wrong from call sheets and mistook Ceren with the pills for something Selin was doing? 

Serkan’s behavior could just be his pre-Eda robotic personality terrified of the person he becomes after Eda, combined with Selin’s abusive manipulation and brainwashing, combined with traumatic brain injury, combined with PTSD from the plane crash. That’s a lot to overcome. 

Anonymous said: Poor Eda how much pain can she bear , she is suffering so much and she tries to stay strong and do everything she can to get her serkan back. I feel so much sympathy for her character, she has endured so much but she remains strong in spite of everything. If she decides to give up I wouldn't blame her, she has the right to think about herself for once. It's up to serkan now to open up to her, to show that he cares about her and wants to remember her.

My heart breaks for Eda. However, come on, it’s been like a week. Eda is stronger than than that, she wouldn’t be Eda if she gave up. She knows Serkan is suffering from a brain injury and being manipulated by that barnacle.

Also, remember how we spent episode 20-26 with Eda keeping her distance and controlling everything while Serkan worked his tail off to get her back, his love never wavering. They work because they don’t give up on one another.

Anonymous said: The only way for serkan to react is to feel that he is going to lose eda (she had already tried everything, recreating their moments, kissing him but nothing worked). Eda knows this and that's why she decided to start this game with Deniz, it's her only motivation. To make serkan react, be jealous, feel that he is about to lose her just like in episode 11 to finally confess his feelings. P1/

At first I was totally against this fake engagement but now that I see it from another point of view it seems to me that it is a good idea. Just how could eda have guessed that deniz was not sincere in his intention to help her and just wanted to take advantage of the situation. P2/

Yes, you’re right. Eda knows that Serkan needs to be pushed into a corner to act. That’s what happened the first time. If only we see a reaction like he had the first time around!

What I didn’t like is when Deniz expounded on their “love story” and made up the whole thing about them promising to get married which prompted Serkan to ask Eda if he knew about that. Eda had to say no and I feel like that gives Serkan a mistaken view of their relationship. That they were not in a place where they would have confided such things. It feels like it works against Eda’s objective. So that move puts a mark in the “Deniz is actually a manipulative shit-stain” category. 

I just so badly want one of the other characters (Engin, Leyla) to accuse Serkan of being jealous and for him to respond that he doesn’t get jealous and for them to be all like, “Yeah, maybe you didn’t used to get jealous, but with Eda you were jealous of anything that competed for her attention, including babies and dogs!”

Anonymous said: i love that scene on the boat where serkan stays behind after dismissing selin (when he all too eager to take eda home before btw!!) and he's thinking about their moments together.. it's not flashbacks to his memories of her, but he's thinking about the moments that they've shared the DOES remember right now... boy is he already falling for her all over again

Yes, me too! That was very good moment. He sends his “fiancé” on her way without really even questioning where she’s been and then sits and thinks about another woman. 

He’s got to be close to catching a clue! If only he didn’t emotionally destroy Eda every time he freaks out. 

Anonymous said: i think it's hard for most people to watch serkan be "robot-y" after sooo many episodes of him evolving and growing and being in love with eda.. but i remember back to the first episodes and there are times and moments where he IS harsh with her there too.. they would have a close moment and then the next day he would be ice cold.. the same things happens now.. he has always, even back then, fought himself falling in love until he couldn't any longer and felt like he was actually losing her.

Yes! This is Serkan circa episode 3 when he freaked out and was a total and complete asshole to Eda. It just hurts so much more this time around. Then Eda, and the audience, could let it roll off our backs because they didn’t have history. Now we have 30 episode of history and love and evolution and it is hella painful to go back to that place again. 

However, it is pretty realistic to his character and the guy we met in the beginning. What’s not entirely realistic is him taking refuge in Selin. But I suppose you take the fact that the last thing he remembers they were together, and forget the reason they broke up is that he was never going to marry her, throw in her trauma, manipulation and brainwashing and here we are at engaged!

Anonymous said: you know i never considered how the show must feel if you binge watched all of it.. i started watching from the 1st ep so it's always been this cycle of waiting a loooong week in between, but it must feel different if you've binged it.. i feel like storylines def won't feel as dragged out and therefore you wouldn't feel as frustrated by how long the plot would take.. like we waited 10+ weeks for edser to get back together but now someone can just breeze thru those episodes lol.

Yes, binging would take away a lot of the pain those of us week to week have felt. I binged through episode 9 and it’s been week to week for me every since. Like I said in that other ask, I like week to week, because I like fandom. I like talking to you all in my ask box and I like content, and having time to digest things and I like following the cast and getting spoilers, but the downside is the PAIN. LMAO. 

Anonymous said: wow, they even stole your caption. so sorry this happened to you , i hope they take it down soon! i know you work hard to create these gifs and posts ❤

This is about the gal who reposted my gifset yesterday. Thank you so much, she did delete it. As I say, I’m more than fine with people using the gifs for reactions and meta and stuff like that, but it’s against every bit of tumblr etiquette (and rules) to repost entire sets as your own. Please don’t do that.

[silver-wield]

Do you have the language of flowers body language discovery event analysis? Would like to know your thoughts on it.

Okay, language of flowers discovery, which is something else that's all about Zack.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Let's mosey!

Recap time!

After completing all the quests in sector 5, which Cloud was not a happy bunny about, he and Aerith head back to her house because her mom made dinner. Before that, though, Aerith heads over to one of the flower beds and calls for Cloud to join her.

Just gonna add that this is completely avoidable if you ignore Aerith and go into the house, same as alone at last is avoidable if you go back to the bar. Because I did this. I checked it out. After some dumdum tried to say you can't skip it. Because you can.

Also, you have Marle in alone at last who stops Cloud for a chat, but here, it's just Cloud and Aerith with no one else for a pre-chat chat.

Yeah, that's Cloud's face the second we see him. I mean, the boi doesn't look impressed. He's like “da fuq?”

And when Cloud asks if Aerith's talking to the flowers, not that he even gets to finish that question, she shushes him. What's really interesting about that moment, is that although Aerith initially gives Cloud a bright smile like she's playing, before she's even brought her finger away from her lips she's giving him a less than pleased expression. Then there's the fact she shushed him at all. For people who say this is romantic, shushing somebody when they're trying to talk to you is rude.

And it's here that the black, white and red butterfly first appears and begins hovering near to Aerith. It stays around for the entire scene. The symbolism of this type of butterfly is drawn from several sources, but the overall implication is that it's a departed soul of a loved one. Since Aerith is obviously talking to Zack and not the actual flowers during this scene, the butterfly symbolises his presence beside her.

Aerith speaks the line about the day she had in a resigned tone, indicating she wasn't having as much fun as she made it seem. Aerith is someone who hides her feelings behind a bright smile – which is often misinterpreted by her fans as something it's not. She likely endured much of Cloud's bad mood just as much as he endured her. The meta knowledge she has says they're friends and she misses her friends because she gives each and every one of them a bright smile when they meet again, but she's also aware that she could hurt Tifa because of Cloud, so she's already making an attempt to keep him at a distance, while also trying to become friends with him again.

This is so obviously her thinking about Zack I shouldn't even have to bring it up. She looks like she's having a conversation with him, tilting her head, smiling and looking more happy than the entire time she's spent with Cloud. We get zero shots of Cloud during this. Instead, we get a shot of the flowers. Surely, if she's trying to engage with Cloud we'd see him? It's like he's been cut from the scene. There's no sounds from him to say he's part of the conversation and there's no reaction from him to show he's even still there. Aerith's focus is totally on that flower bed and Cloud could've left and I doubt she'd notice.

And if the fact she's ignoring Cloud isn't evidence enough, she's blushing here. After tilting her head to listen to something the flowers said and one touched another. So, a language of flowers kiss from Zack to Aerith and she sighs and blushes.

Zack's a bigger dork than Cloud.

And that butterfly is still hovering around Aerith, because one of the meanings of that kind of butterfly is that it shows up to chase away any potential rivals. Cloud isn't even a rival, but it's gonna make sure he doesn't get a chance to become one lol

We can't see Aerith's face exactly here, but her mouth is a straight line and she's looking at the ground with a vacant stare. Seems like she's lost in thought.

We still don't get to see Cloud's face during this. He's basically a totem that the audience is using to sit on so they can watch Aerith. It could literally be anybody standing there and we'd get the same result of that character being detached from what's happening because we don't get to see their reaction.

And then we get a mid range shot of the two of them standing pretty far apart with the butterfly flitting about between them. In the background we can see the house with its triangle windows, which are dark for now indicating the LTD aspect isn't lit up, which means we've not reached any LTD references yet. Which is interesting because in the OG we've had several before we reach Aerith's house.

That line is such a Zack thing to say there's no way she wasn't talking to him and imagining what he'd say to her. He died five days ago and she knows that, so it's actually heartbreaking that she'd choose something he'd say as a reply here. It shows how close they were that she'd know his speech patterns and phrases he'd use. It shows how much she loves him that even when she's hurting from his death she'd choose something he'd say just to try and bring herself closer to him.

And that butterfly is still between her and Cloud.

Cloud offers polite interest because he's been learning lessons and applying them. It's called character development and isn't that special seeing how he already asked Biggs about Jessie and then offered Wedge encouragement when he felt down all the way back in chapter 4. He didn't say anything with the level of importance of “if you wanna talk, I'm listening,” because he doesn't know Aerith, but he's trying to join in the conversation and not be such a closed off asshole to people.

Aerith they didn’t say anything, but she looks depressed as she says that because she wishes she could hear Zack’s voice. It’s in her downed dialogue that she hears his voice calling to her. 

Then we get Aerith looking at us. Because Aerith does that. A lot. Of all the cast who do a 4th wall break and look at the audience, Aerith does it the most and usually it results in her trolling the players. Which is hilarious and I support it!

Aerith shrugs and, still looking at the camera—us—says it's not like we'd believe her. This is so damn funny! She's basically saying even if she outright said to everyone that she loves Zack, she isn't interested in Cloud and actually likes Tifa and doesn't wanna be part of their toxic nightmare LTD that those people still wouldn't listen to her. And the look on her face when she says it is like “We've all tried for 23 years and you still won't listen.”

And Cloud barely gives her enough eye contact to suggest they're talking to each other and then dismisses her. Which feels like it relates to the meta message Aerith just gave about fans not listening to them.

Then he stops. Has another thought about not being an asshole. This is all soldier Cloud btw, I checked and there's none of those real Cloud hints we get around Tifa and and post resolutions.

Aerith seems surprised at this change in him, since she's not done anything to warrant it, but obviously she doesn't know about stuff he's done with Avalanche and anything outside of her general knowledge. She wouldn't know about Marle or the Jessie job or him flirting with Tifa or any of that. She only knows about him from what OG Aerith knows and she'd only know about Cloud from the moment they met.

And again, Aerith's looking at the flowers. Obviously this message is plot related and hints at Aerith's upcoming fate. She says it won't be much longer now, meaning she doesn't have much time left to live. The flowers having an important message to give her is one of those mysteries that we're not gonna get an answer to yet because it's something that's related more to how the flower metaphors unfold and isn’t part of any romantic context.

And when we cut back to where we can see Cloud we see he's not even looking at Aerith. Polite interest, like I said. He's not actually interested. But the butterfly is still flitting around Aerith, so it cares at least.

Then we get a shot of Aerith's right hand, which is a symbol of strength, protection and resolve. Aerith knows what her duty is and she's determined to see it through, even though she's likely very scared about what she has to do.

Cloud looks meh about this. There's literally no reaction happening here and the only reason I'm including it is to show that Cloud has no reaction to what Aerith just said.

But when Aerith speaks of giving up and it's what she does best he gets another big mood face on. If what she did that day was giving up then he probably doesn't want to know what she's like when she's trying lol

He even says he doesn't believe that about her. “Could've fooled me.” People really don't listen to Cloud, do they? He's not meta, doesn't do double speak. He says what's on his mind. He doesn't say everything on his mind at every moment, but when he shares, he's straight with it. If he thinks Aerith isn't like how she thinks she is then that's how he thinks.

Aerith says today is special, Cloud looks away as he asks why and then we get another bit of Aerith trolling the camera. She gives it a long look, laughs and keeps her gaze on it and gives it this knowing little look like she knew people would get all excited by her doing that and that's why she laughs. It's got nothing to do with Cloud. Although we know Cloud doesn't like it when people laugh at him, so she probably accomplished a couple of goals there by alienating him a bit more.

Which, yeah, she did, because his face is not amused. Cloud doesn't like gossip or being made fun of.

Cloud says to the flowers to learn to talk to her, but the flowers are a representation of Zack during this scene, so he's saying to Zack to learn to talk to her, and then we get the butterfly in the frame again, front and centre this time confirming the symbolism.

I might've suggested Cloud's words were about himself with Tifa, but he's very much soldier Cloud during this, so I don't think he'd say anything out loud about her unless real Cloud prompted him to, and since he's absent from this scene I can't see it being anything other than soldier Cloud drawing on real Cloud's dork personality trait and trying to sound cool with it.

Aerith asking if the flowers said anything and Cloud repeats the Zack line. Her answer of “that's the spirit!” has a double meaning. It could mean that's the attitude you need to have towards it. Or, it could mean, that's Zack's spirit.

In conclusion

This is pretty much Aerith and Zack with Cloud as a bystander/third wheel. There's some great meta moments from Aerith where she trolls the players and calls out their bs about LTD stuff and anything else to do with her or the other characters having their own opinions.

On the surface of it, the only reason I can see for people to even think it's something it's not is the fact that Aerith is smiling and perky. Like, someone isn't allowed to be like that unless it's romantically motivated. But, Aerith is like that. She's the girl who hides her pain behind a smile.

Cloud isn't really present for much of this scene when you really notice it. We get his back more than his face and when we do see his face he's not looking at Aerith or he's looking bland af. The most animated expression he makes is right at the start with the one eyebrow lift. After that, his face is in lockdown lol

[aro-ace-advice]

So I have this friend. We've never been *just* friends, but we never questioned our relationship. Well, after five years, I think I might be aroace, and I think that we've been in a qpr for at least half the time we've known each other, if not longer. The problem is, even though I've tried to gently bring it up, he shuts me down. I haven't tried very hard, bc Im scared, he can't be without a relationship for long so he's always dating someone. (I realized this is a long story so 1/idk 2 or 3 lol

So my friend has dated this girl from two years at this point, and she's always been a bit insecure about his and my relationship (I didn't know about the qpr thing until recent) but we've all been civil. Over the course of the two years, she's slowly drawn him away from me. If me and him hung out, she would drape herself over him so that it would be weird if I sat next to him, and we stopped hanging out nearly as much. It hurt, he kept choosing her over me, but she was his gf and I was not. 2/3 Last week, they cornered me together bc I was keeping a secret. I tried to tell them they didn't want to know, but they pressed untill I caved in. So I told them most of the truth. My friend has been lying to his gf and me, about a lot. Then I brought up the qpr thing, and both of them brushed it off like it meant nothing. It was even said to my face that he would always choose her over me. I don't want to lose the friendship. He's the only one I have left at the moment. So the question is 3/4 Do I break up with him? Can I even break up with him? We never established a relationship, and it's obvious who he choose. Is it okay that this feels like a betrayal? He ignored me for a week before telling me that not talking to me was the hardest thing he's ever done, but he's the reason we weren't talking in the first place! I completely understand if this isn't something you want to answer but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this bc no one understands the aroace thing. 4/4

hello! that is a complicated and uncomfy situation you’ve got there, anon. i think it’s definitely valid that that feels like a betrayal to you. as a reminder, folks, friendships and qprs are not lesser than romantic relationships, just different. you should not be prioritizing your significant other over all of your other friends just because you’re in a romantic relationship. no one person can be your answer to everything, and it’s important to not rely on them and put them on a pedestal simply because they have the s/o title.

anon, i understand not wanting to lose a friend, especially when that friend is one of the only ones you have, but if someone is hurting you and one of your defenses of them / reasons you want to keep the relationship is because they’re all you have, that isn’t healthy. being lonely sucks ass, but it’s better than sticking with an unsatisfying or unequal relationship out of desperation. the whole thing about him ignoring you for a week and then coming back and saying how hard it was, seems at best to be careless of your feelings and at worst downright manipulative and an attempt to make you sympathize with him while he actively avoids you. not only that, but the fact that his girlfriend seems to be a direct influence on your relationship with him, while you don’t even seem to consider her a friend based off of what you’ve told me, raises some red flags. her insecurity is not your responsibility, and he should have done a better job at communicating with her to put her at ease or walked away from someone who seems to be unable to keep herself from meddling in his other relationships. since he’s done neither of those things and allows her to continue affecting your relationship with him, i would agree with you and say that his priority is definitely with her.

honestly, if you have a relationship of any kind in your life that has reached the point where you feel the need to ask other people for advice on whether or not you should keep it, you’ve probably already made your decision and you’re looking for a justification for it. whether or not you want to keep trying to fix it or leave it is always going to be completely your choice, but if it was me in your shoes, i’d be cutting contact with them both or at the very least slowing it down. they’ve repeatedly ignored and dismissed your sexuality and your attempts at communicating to fix the relationship, and it seems to me that you feel as if you no longer have any agency in the way things are with him at all. healthy relationships of any variety require listening and communication and a give and take that is acceptable and comfortable to all parties involved. if your needs aren’t being met and you’ve communicated this, but your partner(s) haven’t listened or made any attempt to fix this, the relationship isn’t healthy. in a healthy relationship, you should not be made to feel as if you are powerless in it. walking away is hard and not an easy decision, especially when it seems like if you do you’ll lose all you have, but if all you have is making you feel shitty, it might be time to do what you can to find something new. if you’re concerned about not being able to find new friends, my inbox is always open and i’m also happy to point you to plenty of resources online to meet some new friends!

and remember folks, romantic relationships are not inherently superior to a friendship or a qpr!

[theliteraryvampire]

Take Your Heart In Your Teeth (4/?)

Warnings: None!

Fandom: BBC Dracula (Dracula x Reader)

Author’s Note: I don’t really add that many descriptive details about the reader, because I’d like whoever’s reading this to be able to picture themselves. Also, in this chapter, I’ve essentially tried writing Dracula getting an erection as poetically as I could lol. Enjoy! As always, comments/criticisms/feedback/reblogs/likes are appreciated!

---------------------------------------------------

6:57 am

Dracula: RENFIELD WILL PICK YOU UP AT 8:15. CONSIDER HIM YOUR PERSONAL DRIVER NOW.

7:14 AM

Me: I appreciate it, but that’s really not necessary. It’s only been a week, and I don’t want him to feel like he has to wait on me as well.

7:16 am

Dracula: DON’T BE SO STUBBORN. THIS WAY YOU’LL ALWAYS BE ON TIME, AND I DON’T WANT TO MISS A SECOND OF MY TIME WITH YOU.

I found myself rereading his last text over and over, and each time it gave my stomach butterflies. Realistically I knew that Dracula meant he wanted his memoirs finished as soon as possible, but I let myself fantasize a little, let myself imagine that he was attracted to me as well.

“I hope you know what you’re doing. It’s been a week, and you’re no closer to (Y/N) divulging anything useful than you were when she first started.”

“I know, Renfield,” Dracula admitted, fighting the overwhelmingly human urge to roll his eyes. “I’m trying a new tactic today. If I don’t get what I need, her blood will offer up anything she doesn’t.”

“Which is why I thought she would have been dead already.”

“You’re going to be late, Renfield,” Dracula answered, ignoring the statement. “And you know how much I hate it when she’s late.”

~~~

At 8:15 on the dot, Renfield pulled up, and I got in the back.

“Morning, (Y/N),” he said, looking at me through the rear view mirror. For an instant, he looked accusatory, like I had done something wrong, but he quickly looked to the road and pulled out.

~~~

I hung up my coat and started walking to the office, figuring today would be very much like all of last week, writing down everything Dracula said, joking with him and his endlessly vague questions, but instead, Dracula surprised me.

“I want to talk about you today, if that’s ok with you,” he said, leading me into his living room, which was equally as beautiful as every other room I had been in so far. Black wood furniture, an oriental rug, and a gold chandelier decorated this room, and I was met with the strangest feeling, like I had accidentally tripped my way into being royalty.

He sat down on the red velvet couch, crossing one leg over the other, and he looked expectantly at me, waiting for me to do the same. He somehow looked even better than he did all of last week, with a button up shirt tucked into dress pants, and though he wore the shirt casually again, with open buttons and the sleeves rolled up, he was also wearing suspenders. I thought that if I opened my mouth too wide, I would salivate all over his very expensive floor.

I sat down without saying a word, and he tilted his head and smiled, like he was trying to come off as innocent, as non threatening. 

“So, uh, before we begin, let me get this straight. You want me to talk about myself? Trust me, I am more than happy to make money by indulging in my narcissistic tendencies, but how does this help you, exactly?”

He laughed in a way that told me I was behind on the joke. “It actually helps me a great deal.”

“Ok, sure.” I took a steady breath. “Well, um, to start off I guess, I’m a Leo, if that matters at all. Um, I was born upstate but I moved to—”

“No,” he interrupted right away, and then catching himself, he added softly, “what I mean is, I want to know your work background. How you came to study what you do, myths, legends, lore, fables...where you’ve traveled to, what you’ve seen, for example.” 

“Oh!” I said, a little too loudly, trying to cover my embarrassment. “Sorry. Yeah, I can do that. So, growing up, I was a voracious reader, but I also excelled in history. When I got to college, I knew that I wanted to write, I knew that I loved research, and I knew that I loved history, and how different civilizations reacted to things they didn’t understand. From the unknown came lore, myths, and gods, and stories of the paranormal. I double majored in writing and history, and senior year, one of my professors was doing research in Norway, and he invited me along, thinking I could build a senior thesis from it. We went looking for the sunstone, thought to be a myth from the Viking age. As the story went, they would use a piece of Icelandic spar to navigate, and turns out, it wasn’t just a story at all. One of our colleagues found a piece of calcite in Alderney, in a sunken 16th century ship, and long story short, it actually works. It’s so cool. You hold up a chunk of Icelandic spar to the sky when it’s cloudy, and it helps locate the sun. I was one of the first to try it on that expedition and I thought I’d cry tears of joy! I...um,” but my voice died out when I looked at Dracula. I hadn’t realized I had been rambling.

“Um, anyways...yeah. Sorry. I don’t want to put you to sleep.” I looked down at my shoes, embarrassed yet again, but Dracula laughed. He actually laughed.

“Trust me, (Y/N),” he said, and he leaned forward and gently grabbed a hold of my chin, forcing me to look at him. His fingers were again ice cold, but I never wanted him to move his hand away. He stared me in the eyes, like he was imploring me to believe him. “Absolutely nothing you say could ever put me to sleep. Please continue.” With that, he laughed and let me go.

~~~

We talked and drank throughout the day, and I was surprised to find that he was quite easy to talk to. He was amiable, flirtatious, at points, and witty. He was also well traveled, a point we had in common, but I still wanted to know exactly what I had been hired for.

“Tell me the truth, Dracula,” I slightly slurred. “Why am I here? I haven’t done any writing for you at all today, and all we’ve talked about is me. I can’t be that exciting.”

“I suppose you could call me something of a...story collector.” He smiled to himself and leaned closer to me, trailing a finger across the back of my hand, giving me chills. It was almost embarrassing how much he had an effect on me. “I’ve spent time in Europe myself, as you well know. Perhaps I’m biased, but Romania, particularly, I found to have the best stories, and I too devoured the locals.”

“...the locals’ what?” I asked, after a second.

“Pardon?”

“You never finished your sentence. You said you devoured the locals’, and then you drifted off. Their legends, you mean?”

Dracula laughed and sat back, away from me, and I immediately missed the closeness. “Perhaps,” he answered, with a hint of a smile. “You’ve been to Romania?”

“I have.”

“And what did you find? Strigoi and Solomonar aside, of course,” he added with a smirk.

“Uh,” I said, trying to think back. It had been so long, and the vodka and flirtations I drank in all afternoon were going to my head. “I don’t quite remember...except that I fell at one point. Ask me tomorrow when I’m sober,” I smiled. Dracula’s eyes drifted from my face to my neck.

“Quite unfortunate.” He wasn’t smiling.

~~~

It was easy, though tedious, for Dracula to pretend being drunk. He had done it countless times to keep up appearances. This, though, had been his Plan C. The more he talked to (Y/N), the less he wanted to take the chance of drinking her blood, mostly because he wanted more than anything to keep her alive. Plan A had spectacularly failed though. (Y/N) had thought the whole psychological angle was a joke and she never took his questions seriously. Plan B didn’t work either. He had taken too long to bring up Romania today, fully content on just listening to her speak, and she had imbibed too much vodka to recall anything with clarity. So, Plan C it was. He just hoped he had the strength to pull away.

Slowly, he leaned closer to her, and with her beautiful eyes wide, he pushed her hair over her shoulder, exposing her exquisite neck. Her pulse was racing, and he smiled to himself. Her blood was so close, she was so close, her scent, so intoxicating, so potent… Dracula felt himself drawn in, more so by (Y/N) than his bloodlust, he vaguely thought, but he pushed that out his mind. Instead he leaned in, and pressing a kiss to her skin first to satisfy the need in his stomach, he bit down, right below her ear, and was immediately met with her scorching hot blood.

Euphoric, Dracula thought, and he couldn’t help but let out a moan. He gripped her neck tighter, wanting to bring her even closer, wanting to wrap himself around her, drown himself in her blood, drown himself in her. He wanted her in that moment, every piece, everything she was willing to give him, and he felt a stir in his lower abdomen, a feeling he hadn’t felt in centuries, a feeling he blissfully wanted to prolong, to be selfish with, but something was off. She was fighting against him. He could feel her muscles pull beneath him, trying to break free, but he wasn’t done, he greedily wasn’t done and he hated himself and the instantaneous guilt that was now tightly bounding his bones, but he tried calming her as best he could. He made her dream.

[paperclipninja]

Lucifer post-ep ramble 5x01

Hi there, long time fangirl, first time Lucifan. After devouring all 4.5 seasons of this magnificent show in an impressive/alarming (all a matter of perspective) amount of time, I have very quickly found myself well and truly obsessed dedicated to all things Lucifer. And when a show grabs me like this one has, I tend to have a lot of thoughts and feelings that I can’t help but share, and so the post-ep ramble was born. It will probably contain many words, it may or may not be particularly coherent, there will definitely be over-analysing, but I thought I might indulge in re-capping the season 5 eps as I re-watch, so this is the first ramble off the rank. 

‘Really Sad Devil Guy’ (A+ ep name btw) kicks off as we’re still scrambling to pick up all our heart pieces after the season 4 finale, which is why Mr. Said Out Bitch (aka Lee Garner) being in Hell is such a cracker of an opening. Lucifer just waiting below deck on Fishizzle II (wth happened to Fishizzle I??) to greet him with his trademark ‘hello’ made me disproportionately happy, mostly because he was on my screen but also because his encounters with Mr. SOB are always great and this was no exception. Getting an insight into ‘life in Hell’, the way the characters in the Hell loops are played by Demons and Lucifer in action as the King was fab at this point in the series. And does anyone else have a visceral reaction to Lucifer stopping that bullet? I know it’s brief, I cannot explain it, it might be the command he has, the fact it’s awesome, but it makes me FEEL things. Just me? Cool.

I think what really strikes me in the way Lucifer just has to pop in on Mr. SOB upon hearing of his arrival, is the fact that he is a link to Lucifer’s life on Earth. They’ve existed in the same places there, breathed the same air, it’s a way for Lucifer to make that connection to his home more tangible. And when he realises where Mr. SOB’s hell loop has them moored, at Marina Del Ray, the way Lucifer says 'Los Angeles' with such yearning makes those heart pieces I had started cobbling back together really begin to ache. What this episode pulls off so brilliantly is the way Chloe and Lucifer remain connected despite being apart, and it’s all set up when Lucifer tells Mr. SOB, ‘You know, there's a good chance I know who's on your case. To them it's only been a few months, a blink of an eye, but here it's been much much longer’.

What’s happening ‘below deck’ in Hell (sorry...or am I?) is of course mirrored at the crime scene, where Maze is still calling Ella Ellen (never change Maze ILY) and Ella is banging on about Lucifer not responding to her DM’s and texts and it’s all so on brand and the thought of her sending Lucifer a clip of a parrot dancing to techno and him finding it funny is just too perf. Maze having Chloe’s back from the get-go and telling Ella to ‘read the room’ just shows how far this Demon has come. And of course Chloe saying that she hasn’t even really thought about Lucifer since he left...(spoiler alert: she has).

Seeing Maze and Chloe out drinking and dancing, somehow they're kinda dorky together and I love it, but it’s also really clear that they’re both leaning on each other pretty heavily and being there for one another and honestly, I love literally every combination of characters on Lucifer, you put any two together and the dynamic is 100% their own and these two are up there. It’s so weird seeing Amandiel running Lux, I big L LOVE Amenadiel but it’s just...wrong. Plus hats off to D.B. because his delivery of ‘No one sells drugs in my place...without me getting a piece of the action’, not gonna lie, I was THROWN.

So are we assuming that the number of months Lucifer has been gone = the number of times Chloe has rocked up to work with a hangover? Lol at the sunglasses but also, you do you Chloe, whatever you gotta do babe. Just like Amenadiel running Lux is like watching a slightly off AU version of the show, so is seeing Maze and Chloe as partners at work. Don’t get me wrong, Maze clearly supporting her and when they’re interrogating a lead, seeing Chloe and Maze have such a groove that they’re finishing each other's sentences and communicating without talking, I dig it. But I love that while it’s great, it still doesn’t feel right. Because that there is why this show is so clever, as an audience we crave the return to the way things were just as the characters we are watching do.

Linda being a completely OTT mum is so fab. I could write an entire essay about my Linda love. Her adamance that ‘Charlie’s special’ and Ella’s ‘every child is special in their mum’s eyes, huh?’ sums it up perfectly. Did I mention I adore Ella? I definitely get the distinct impression Ella is doing a bit of self-reflection, her comment about being drawn to the bad boys for some reason clearly foreshadowing, but also her reflecting that she deserves a good guy for once (just not this ep when there is a bad boy/potential suspect to be hooked up with). I am curious to see the ‘darkness’ Ella has alluded to in earlier seasons being explored further and feel like this is sowing the seeds and I’m also waiting for a significant Linda/Ella D&M at some point. But clearly not this point, because 'science lesson Wednesdays...I checked your schedule and that's your day off' Linda is NOT about deep and meaningfuls (or anyone who isn’t a 2 month old baby), you need to DIAL IT DOWN friend.  I love that it takes Trixie pulling some funny faces and Dan offering some sage parenting advice as he returns the self-help books (love the irony there) for Linda to begin to chill a bit.          

So Dan has gone all new age with his oils and self improvement and you know what? I love it. And then of course we have Amenadiel needing to help make the world a safer place, he just needs to make sure for Charlie ya know and ugh my ovaries. I must say, I was relieved to realise that the club life had not in fact corrupted the delightful warrior we all love after all - it’s all a ploy to catch a REAL BIG TIME drug dealer (nooooo I can feel the second hand embarrassment already...)! Amenadiel setting up the ‘drug bust’, telling the dealer, ‘looks like gooood drugs’, oh you dear sweet naïve Angel you. We of course discover that the bust is, well, a bust, because the ‘drug lord’ is actually a kid trying to offload his mum’s pain meds *insert facepalm emoii here*. But rather than ridicule or be angry, Dan is so understanding and supportive of Amenadiel and once again offers up advice and I really am so into this friendship on every level and the care and openness it models.

Meanwhile, the genius parallel between what is happening on Earth and in Hell really takes effect as Chloe and Maze go undercover (I mean, they are a glam couple lbh) to the poker game while Lucifer is at a game hosted by the same suspect in Mr. SOB’s ‘exquisite’ Hell loop. His exclamation that it’s exquisite reflects that Lucifer and Mr. SOB are not that different, that it’s the kind of place Lucifer might manifest as well, but I also feel that Lucifer could be admiring his own Kingdom’s handiwork at creating LA with such accuracy from someone’s subconscious. He allows himself to be absorbed in it, ‘City of Angels, I’ve missed you’, and I can’t help but get the impression that hearing Lucifer call LA this for the first time is confirmation that his Heaven, or place of Angels, is in fact there with Chloe.

Chloe remains firmly in the forefront of Lucifer’s mind this entire episode, with him asking ‘what would she do?’ and wanting to replicate the life he had with her at the precinct. But of course he is soon reminded of his reality, as he tries to get more information from Mr. SOB who is being useless. Lucifer incorrectly calling him ’Detective’ shatters the illusion that he is any closer to Chloe, and this is impressively emphasised as he erases the LA cityscape to reveal the Hellscape. For a moment he’d let himself believe he was back there. Back home. His, ‘you’re not her’ making some of my heart pieces fall out once again.

But then the messenger arrives, ‘Lord Morningstar, there’s someone you should meet’ and lo and behold it’s guy who just got hit by car up on the Earth-side of this investigation and I.am. loving. it. Also, did Lucifer put out a Hell-wide memo that if ANYONE arrives from LA they are to be bought to him so he can send messages to Chloe through their bodies??? NO REALLY I'M FINE. Having a Demon possess the dead dude’s body to pass on the tip from Lucifer was just TOO MUCH. His, ‘hey is that Mazikeen?’ made me actually lol but also, look how far we’ve come! Chloe doesn’t even flinch when the dead guy wakes up possessed to pass on Lucifer’s message. I’m so proud. 

'It's safe where you stored it' caused me way more amusement than was perhaps intended, but Ella, Maze and Chloe together, trying to figure out what it meant, it's such a great moment and the comedic timing is gold. Also, the fact it actually helps the case, ugh, Chloe and Lucifer are still connected and working together even though they are not on the same plane of existence and I’m just going to need to curl up for a minute because feelings.

You know who else is having a lot of feelings in this ep? The Devil himself. After he is satisfied he has passed on the message, he’s done with Mr. SOB, sending him, ‘back to your torture. And me to mine’. Any remnants of my heart are now once again shattered all over the floor in case you’re wondering. Lucifer doesn’t even try to hide the fact that being away from Chloe is so painful, almost revealing more than he ever usually would when Mr. SOB asks if she’s ‘somebody important?' to which he replies, 'more than you could ever know'. 

He only just stops himself before telling Mr. SOB her name, when he realises he's trying to manipulate him. And I'm so glad, Lucifer so sparingly uses Chloe’s name, it's always significant when he does and I feel like he reserves those moments for only between them. But Mr. SOB really does sum it up when he observes, ‘you just seem like a really sad Devil guy’, BECAUSE HE IS A REALLY SAD DEVIL GUY (can we just take a moment to appreciate how not at all scared of Lucifer Mr. SOB is, he doesn’t even refer to him as THE Devil, just ‘Devil guy’. It’s kind of nice that he sees and accepts him as both Devil and human without really questioning it). 

The parallel continues as Chloe and Lucifer are talking to a sister and brother  and the way this highlights the place they're both in. It's just brilliant writing and execution. Chloe is talking to Meg about her brother’s death and both her and Lucifer's yearning for one another is palpable. At the same time, Maze telling Chloe that they don’t need Lucifer and kissing Chloe highlights Maze’s desire for connection and love. She wants it so badly and the way she shuts down when Chloe suggests they stop working together breaks my heart.

When Lucifer takes Mr. SOB to the root of his Hell loop, yes, it’s about Lucifer projecting his own guilt and lack of self worth onto him, but his assertion that, 'it is inevitable sooner or later you're going to disappoint them all over again. So you'd rather stay away for all eternity’, really feels as though it carries multiple meanings. As a self-referential comment, is Lucifer talking about Heaven or Earth? Is it his fear of disappointing and letting down Chloe and the other humans or is it his belief that he disappointed his family? And if Angels self-actualise does that mean he was never 'stuck' in Hell at all and could have returned to Heaven? I certainly feel there is some sort of realisation occurring here. Or could be completely over-analysing it. Why not have both 🤷‍♀️

You know the line that just up and got me though? ‘Whose hell is this anyway? Are you sure this is my hell? You just here torturing yourself’- Mr. SOB calling Lucifer out is A MOMENT. And I can’t help but wonder if a part of it is Lucifer wanting Mr. SOB to come to terms with his own guilt, wanting to help him because he knows he’s not evil and he is trying to reconcile his own guilt too. If he can help Mr. SOB face and let go of the guilt then he has a chance of it too. And that’s when Mr. SOB challenges Lucifer, pointing out that he missed his chance, ‘but what about you?’ 'The self-centred simplicity of you humans never ceases to amaze me...I am here out of responsibility, I had to protect humanity, I had to protect HER', the delivery of this line, the frustration of being misunderstood, of ppl thinking that he acts for himself when his very reason for being back in Hell is for others, I can feel it through the screen.

The dead guy we saw get shot in the kitchen appearing at that moment with news about ‘the Detective’ and then cutting straight back to the shoot up in the house, file under: how to brilliantly edit. “Lucifer” appearing; the whistle, the casually strolling in, the ‘hello bad guys’ = I was FOOLED. I mean you have to admit, the ‘thought I'd give you a hand' pun was well played, classic Lucifer, very convincing.  My shipper heart was SO FULL for the split second Lucifer and the Detective kissed, until Chloe realised that something was off and her open eyes told us something was up. The cut back to Hell and seeing Lucifer still standing there with Mr. SOB...you may have heard my ‘noooooooo’ from wherever you are. ‘She’ll be just fine without me’...said every Devil who has a dick twin brother who’s going to try and destroy, nay STEAL, his life and love of his life ever.

Michael, you're an evil bastard but damn you nailed that villainous smirk over-the-shoulder pose in the final shot. Whatever you have in store, I will no doubt revel in your awfulness and be confused about whether or not I hate you. 

[meirimerens]

If you're accepting fandom questions could we have some elaboration about those mgs jupiter family alaskan daydreams please? Also your amazing TEW art got me into the series so thanks, I'm liking it a lot!!

first of all, i’m so deeply honored that my art could get you into a game, and also : god i’m fucking sorry lol

second of all

oh god oh fuck alaskan daydreams time

okay so long /, the read mores don’t work, you’re gonna have to bear with it

so tldr i have… EXTENSIVE imaginated stories about dave, hal and sunny living in a little remote cabin in alaska. 

BACKSTORY 

i’d imagine it’d come somewhere post-mgs2 even though sunny is already a bit grown so maybe like just disregard canon OR imagine a different timeline i don’t know, and it’s from a place where hal and dave don’t have anything to do after the mgs2 incidents (so no mgs4 and love of god NO accelerated aging i can’t deal with this), and there is this atmosphere of… “we’ve been sticking together for so long, i can’t see ourselves just parting ways (plus we have a kid to raise and i can’t imagine raising her alone) so how about we make the rest of our lives together” and dave is just like… “hey, we’ve been running all across the country, jumping from shitty motel to shitty motel to shittier apartments, and i have this cabin i once lived in, how about we just all move into it and re-inhabit it” and that’s just how it starts. 

THE CABIN

it’s a cabin i have extensively thought about (because i’m obsessed with cabins and being a hermit, so that helps). it’d be near the shore of the Twin Lakes, Alaska (taken from the canon fact that this is where snake lived pre-MGS1), so they’d live off-the-grid and in almost-self-sufficiency (they become more and more self-sufficient as time goes on and they make more adjustments to the cabin). 

i imagine it would look similar to Proenneke’s cabin (which incidentally is also near Twin Lakes), maybe on the other shore, all wood with a vegetation/moss roof + a slight porch/elevation to protect the entrance from a bit of the snow. it’d be surrounded by wooden little dog kennels/crates for the huskies (more on that later) similar to the ones in [this video] around the 0:59 min mark (warning for animal death/general stuff that goes on in a trapper’s lifestyle for the vid).

it here’s a floor plan of the cabin, not to proportions because i’m just shit at it :

(good luck reading that)

not pictured : when sunny was smaller (before the addition), her bed was like a little shelf just above the big bed (that hal and dave share) with little like “walls” so she doesn’t fall and a thick mattress, which was discarded when she got her new room.

later would be added an outdoor kitchen and a chicken coop (more on that…….. later)

EATING THERE

as i said, they’d first be living in semi-dependency : every ¾ weeks they’d have to go to Port Alsworth/Anchorage or somewhere else to stock tf up. Snake would fish (you can fish for subsistence if you’ve been living in Alaska for over a year according to law) and hunt (seems to be the same type of law when hunting for food, YES i’ve researched this, leave me alone) for food. As he has done odd jobs to afford his cabin, I imagine he’d have done crabbing, and would show up to help on crabbing boats from time to time to get some of them crabs.

later, I imagine they would get 4 rescue hens to get some of them fresh eggs. snake would build a chicken scoop from forest wood. 1 of the hens wouldn’t be able to make eggs because she was traumatized from the industry but they still took her in because she was close friends with the other hens and they didn’t want to separate them. 

I imagine Snake had been growing his own herbs in the kitchen but maybe they’d get a greenhouse ready.

they’d go foraging for berries, fruits and mushrooms according to the seasons and make a SHITTON of jams and preserves.

LIVING THERE

i imagine there would be a lot of solidarity with the surrounding populations. for exemple, Hal would help set up and manage online dictionaries for Iñupiat, Yup'ik or Alutiiq languages with the local communities, maybe help wire up some schools, things like that, and as thanks some people would go check on them and give em veggies or something.

THE DOGS :

Snake is getting them.

since we don’t know what happened to his huskies around mgs1, i suppose/guess they were at some time confiscated from him, so first, he’s get a lovely husky female from a shelter (i also have long thought about how he’d never go to a breeder and only adopt, because the whole “creature created with a man’s ideal in mind” hits a bit too close for him you feel) that would later be revealed as pregnant with like 5 puppies (it will come back later as relevant as promise). Then he’d do his best to regain contact with his huskies, maybe setting up a call on social media (THIS WILL BE PART OF A BRAIN ROTTING DEGENERACY I WILL EXPAND ON IN A MINUTE) to find them again. i imagined he would get to see one of his old huskies, who has well aged, who was adopted by some nice nice people. then said nice people, after his visit, insisting on him getting his husky back because “since you left she hasn’t been herself, she refused to eat. we think she misses you too much. we love her tons and it breaks our heart to let her go, but we think she would be so much happier by your side” type of deal, i’m fucking crying just thinking about it.

of course, once his team is back in shape, he’s run the Iditarod again. Hed keep contact with hal over walkietalkie during the race. hal would jump in his arms when he crosses the finish line, the pic would circulate in the news. it’d be cute i’m saying.

THE HENS :

as I said, adopted, in a little scoop snake built himself. they give eggs. sometimes they let them roam free and they bully hal when he peels vegetables (i’ve drawn smth about this). sunny feeds them in the mornings. things are good.

MORNING ROUTINE :

Snake wakes up around 5AM because he don’t need no sleep and goes to his huskies. feeds them. then make them run. when he gets back around 8 to 8:30, hal is still asleep. snake makes breakfast. the scents wake hal up. things are good.

SUNNY?

Sunny is taught by snake how to chop wood. he makes a tiny axe for her tiny hands. he and hal teach her how to swim in the Twin Lakes. the waters cold but she grows immune to it, strong and stronger. she learns how to differenciate which mushrooms and berries are edible.

they try to send her to school but she’s WAY too advanced and is bored to death. she stays at home. she’s outside all day or she learns astrophysics with Hal, who’s taking online classes in his free time. she learns some Athabaskan languages at a community class once in a while, she makes some friends.

HOW’S THE WEATHER

They go on hikes a lot. Often, and long ones. At first, sunny is in a little baby back carrier (i have drawn about this), then she walks just right. Alaska has gorgeous national parks, they explore them, year after year. They arrive in a town, exhausted and beat, they find a hotel room. It has a bathtub and warm water. Hal is OVERJOYED.

in the earliest hints of spring, snake takes them to Fairbanks through the beautiful alaskan railroad. they see the most beautiful and powerful of northern lights during the full season. hal and sunny can’t tear their eyes from the skies.

THIS IS WHERE I GO CRAZY GO STUPID.

ok…. so bear with me.

i mentioned an internet/social media presence.

it’s because in a deviation of this daydream, snake has a little youtube channel (and an instagram to go with it).

it’s not much. it’s really not, but hal has a few cameras and more that he finds and fixes.

it’s mostly lowkey, chill vlogs. stuff like 

“slow alaskan winter day (no talking)” 

“sprintime berry picking ( + jams recipes!)”

“alaskan summer outdoor fire cookout ( + wild moose and caribou near the lake)”

“denali national park hike (day 1)”

stuff that like you know. as well as some more…

“i ran the iditarod (and won)”

“we got hens (building a chicken scoop, meeting the rescue hens and more)”

“musher’s morning routine (i’d recommend you didn’t try this at home if you are not the genetically engineered clone of a super-soldier, for your sake)”

and as you guessed…

“so our rescue husky was pregnant… (i’m an idiot who didn’t notice, trip to the vet, building a whelping pen, whelping, bottlefeeding tiny pup + all the puppies’ pictures!)”

where dave would teach hal how to bottlefeed a puppy and you’d be able to hear hal’s “oh god oh god oh god oh god”s from out of frame as the camera focuses on dave’s hands holding his to have him perfectly cup the puppy in his palm and carry the bottle. this type of deal.

then follow-up videos of the puppies climbing the bed where hal is, playing on his gameboy. he chuckles nervously and then heartily when a puppy licks his face.

some winter days, the videos have snake bringing all the huskies in the small cabin. some of them sit calmly on the wide bed where hal studies his astrophysics.

and an instagram with wilderness pictures… all except a few taken by hal. some of snake posing in front of the snowed in cabin. some of warm drinks made on winter days. you know the deal.

and they’d have such a nice… positive… lowkey and easy-going comment section. dave would reply to a lot of them. 

he’d get quite a share of “hey man, i love your vids so much, thank you for posting this content. i was wondering, sorry if it’s a bit too personal, are you and your roommate dating? you two seem very close, but i don’t want to assume anything 😅 absolutely love your content either way, you’re the only youtuber i have notifs on” to which he’d reply “thank you so much, really appreciate it. and we’re not, we’ve just known each other for a long, long time. we’re aware two straight guys raising a child and living together isolated makes for a bit of confusion, but it’s totally platonic between us. thanks for sticking around.” but one day he uploads a vid that’s like 

“crabbing in juneau ! + life update (please read description)”

and the desc + the first 20 seconds of the vid is a text superimposed over embarassing pictures of hal and it reads “hey all / quick personal update, i’ll make it quick / otacon and i realized we loved each other / (as more than friends that is) / so if we seem just a bit closer in the videos from now on this is why / no idea how this is going to turn out for up / but yeah. if he seems a bit more affectionate it’s because we’re dating now, or something like that / and to everyone whom i told ‘it’s just strictly platonic between us’:  / well. ha ha. whoops. / anyway thank you for reading / enjoy the video” and all the comments would be like “that’s so dope i’m so happy for you” and other “tbf we saw that coming” and snake would smash that like button on these comments.

and he’d have a video of the whole iditarod race as taken from a camera on his jacket/on his sled… and he’d have videos of him filming hal film the landscape through the window of the train during their trip to fairbanks… and of hal and sunny in said train sharing a tangerine… and of him building a little axe for sunny…. and he’d always ask her if she is okay with being on camera, and when she’d say no he’d make sure she doesn’t appear on here or add a cute husky sticker on her face so she’s not seen.

just lowkey. chill. upbeat. simple life moments. he’d disappear off the internet for a month because he’s just enjoying the life and when he’d come back everyone would be very understanding and glad to see some cool pictures or vids. you know? just chilling. just chilling. just living.

one day before a “hiking through lake clark national park” he has the same little life update thing and it goes “hey / so otacon and i got married / sunny and aksinya [rescued pregant husky] were our flower girls / otacon cried / i cried / anyway, enjoy the video” over pictures of the tiny alaskan wedding. and it’s well.

[scripting-life]

FFVII: returning to my first love

 *peeks out of the corner of my lurking spot*

Hello? Anybody out there? It’s only been, oh you know, four-ish years since the last time I’ve posted anything here. I apologize in advance for anybody who’s still following me from my Castle days. If you couldn’t tell from my extended absence, I’ve mostly moved on. Castle and Beckett were fantastic characters that let me to play with some deep-dive analyses, and Castle will always hold a special place in my heart as my comfort show and my first real and extended experience with online fandom. I’ll always be grateful to the community I’ve had the joy of interacting with (or, the community with which I’ve had the joy of interacting, as Castle would correct me my dangling preposition).

I honestly didn’t think I would ever have reason to come back to Tumblr after Castle ended. But the FF7 Remake has returned me to my very first love--when I was young and innocent and before I knew anything about OTPs or ship wars. I’ve been back lurking for several months now and seeing all the fanart/fanfics and fun theories and analyses has reignited my enthusiasm for the FF7 franchise. It’s also fun coming back to this franchise with a more mature understanding of the themes/concepts that completely flew over my head as a young preteen.

(This ended up being super long, so the rest is below the cut to spare everyone the pain of scrolling. Apparently, my rambling tendencies have not changed at all. lol.)

When FF7R was officially announced (five freaking years ago!), I was filled with apprehension. FF7 was my first taste of a “grown-up” game. I was 11 and played my brother’s copy of the OG on PC in 1-2 hours spurts on the weekends when I visited his apartment. It took me months, if not years, to finish the game (I ended up stealing his copy to play on our computer at home...lol), and I was so blown away by it. I remember the exact moment I finished it and how I was literally shaking as I watched the ending FMV.

Later, when I found out my brother had a copy of FF8 (my poor brother was so accommodating to his annoying little sister...haha), I was so excited to play, in large part because I thought it would continue the story of FF7. Young, naive me didn’t understand the numbering conventions of Final Fantasy titles. I was madly theorizing and breaking my brain trying to find connections between the two games’ plots and had literally played through more than half the game before I finally realized the storyline of FF8 had absolutely nothing to do with FF7. I was sorely disappointed, and I think that has somewhat tainted my appreciation of future titles. Not to say I haven’t enjoyed the subsequent FF titles, but I think a little part of me is always comparing them to that first experience of wonder and awe that I had with FF7.

I discovered fanfiction in my teens and starting writing FF7/Cloti fics in college. Aside from interacting with a few fic writers at the time, I was not involved in any online communities, so I kept myself pretty free of any ship war drama and the like. When I did research for my fics, I’d sometimes see shipping sites and theories where I didn’t always understand the logic of how certain conclusions were reached, but frankly, I didn’t much care and didn’t realize that Clerith vs. Cloti was such a touchy subject. I was peripherally aware that some sort great LTD war was waging, of course, but it didn’t really touch me. I stayed in my Cloti shipping/fic-writing lane and was probably a lot happier for it. And, to be honest, based on FFN’s listings for FF7, I felt like I always saw a bunch of Sephiroth/Cloud fics and thought that was just as popular as the more conventional ships.

Graduating college and entering “real life” pretty much ended my FF7 fanfic-writing journey. In the intervening years between college and the release of FF7R, I haven’t gone back to the OG too much. I’ve played almost all the Final Fantasy games since then, and I always enjoy getting my FF7 crew fix when I play the non-canon mobile games or the Kingdom Hearts franchise. But FF7 was a happy part of my teenage years, and I was content to think on it with sweet nostalgia.

Remakes, in recent experience (*cough cough* Disney, why?), have been hit or miss, with a lot of misses. It’s hard to strike a good balance between catering to nostalgia and delivering a fresh product, never mind the change in social mores through the decades. I was so afraid FF7R would screw up my memories, especially since I wasn’t the biggest fan of Advent Children. The graphics were great and the action scenes were fun, but the story felt like a let-down. Cloud, in particular, felt so different (and yes, moody) from where we left him after the OG. I understand now that a lot of his character motivation was better explained in the On The Way to a Smile novels, but back then, I just felt like AC came out of nowhere. 

Btw, because I see this question a lot on other blogs when I’m lurking, I’ve ALWAYS thought that it was very clear in AC--even without reading anything else--that the reason for Cloud’s depression was due to guilt and not because he was pining for Aerith. The only reason I didn’t like his characterization in AC was because it felt like it came out of nowhere since AC is set 2 years after OG and by the end of the OG, he seemed to be in a pretty decent place mentally and emotionally. That being said, I can absolutely understand why some traumas resurface years after the originating incident and how times of peace might actually be worse because he is no longer solely focused on saving the world, but I was just surprised and a little bummed that this was the direction the devs chose to take AC at the time. Now that I’m older, I do better appreciate the complexities of Cloud’s mental state and the fact that they depicted a hero with lingering mental health issues is actually pretty awesome. I’m drawn to characters that have flaws--sometimes serious ones--but try their best anyway. Hence, why why Tifa Lockhart and Kate Beckett are some of my all-time favorites.

Anyhow, that didn’t stop me from pre-ordering FF7R, of course. I avoided reading any reviews as I didn’t want my first impressions to be swayed, and boy, was I happy that I went in mostly blind. That sense of awe really almost felt like playing the OG for the first time again, but somehow more. The combat system is incredibly fun and the world-building is nothing short of incredible. The variety and abundance of NPCs gives the game so much flavor and the locations have been rendered so well. As I’m going through areas like the Sector 7 train station and Wall Market and Aerith’s house, I can almost superimpose the layout from the OG in my head, but now it’s in 3D and so rich and full. It’s obvious that a lot of attention was paid to details, and I love all the head-nods and homages to the OG.

And oh, the characters!

This is the Cloud I’ve been wanting to see in glorious HD and the Cloud I remember from the original game: all awkward, dorky trying to be cool, socially inept, mentally unstable, abrasive-at-times, reluctant to act depending on who’s asking, wannabe hard-ass who’s actually a big softie inside Cloud. I remember reading an article a few years back about how the devs basically redid Cloud for the Remake because they wanted him to go back to his dorky roots--which ends up making him closest to his personality in the OG than his appearances in other franchises--and I was SOOOO incredibly happy to hear that. I was so sick of the way Cloud was constantly depicted as this cool, broody McBrood in his cameos when he was a pretty big dork in the OG. (Anybody remember him doing squats in the Highwind when Tifa says it’ll be lonely with just the two of them and Cloud responds that he’ll make enough noise to make up for it? Like I said: cute, but a dork.)

I WAS surprised by how comfortable and sweet and touchy (so very very touchy) the devs made him with Tifa from the beginning. That initial scene of Cloud being such a smooth operator giving Tifa the flower had my jaw-dropping and every single flirty interaction after that (and there are many) had my Cloti heart overflowing in shock and bliss. Throughout most of my years as a Cloti shipper, even though I believed Cloti was supported by canon and pretty clearly together, I was also under the impression--mistakenly or not--that Cloti was the minority ship. So for Square Enix to make it so blatantly obvious that Cloud is really into Tifa at such an early stage has been an unexpected gift.

Also, they’re just really hot together. (Clotiscrew tunnel--be still my heart!)

As for Tifa...oh, what wonderful character development we’ve already gotten for Tifa. Tifa has always been one of my all-time favorite characters ever since reading her character blurb in the OG game manual. Initially, as a child, it was because I saw so much of myself in her. She was outwardly bright and optimistic, but tended to hide all of her stronger feelings inside. She fought with her fists, and for someone who was a tomboy growing up who liked playing contact sports with the boys, I connected with her in a way that I had never been able to connect with other female protagonists who were primarily back-row specialists. (I also aspired to grow to her listed height of 5′4″, which alas, did not happen...lol).

I love how the Remake delves into more of Tifa’s moral conflict between the destruction that she causes as part of Avalanche and needing to do something to stop Shinra, and yes, even seeking revenge. They touched on this in the OG lightly, but the Remake really hammers it home. She’s perhaps the most conflicted character in terms of motivation in Part 1. That scene with the Shinra manager on the train is actually one of my favorite scenes of her because it highlights that tension. The elevator scene, if you opted for it instead of the stairs (or if you did one, saved, and reloaded to do the other one, like me), is also underrated in terms of how much it reveals about Tifa’s inner struggle.

On this point, I also appreciate that the Remake has the characters reflecting on the damage they’ve both indirectly and directly inflicted--the Avalanche team all do this to a certain degree. In particular, Jessie’s constant inability to figure out what she’d done wrong with the bomb to cause such a massive explosion and her remaining feelings of guilt during her death scene (”they were my victims” ouch!) were heart-breaking.

Aerith’s depiction was another pleasant surprise. I’ll be honest; I didn’t much like her in the OG. She was too pushy and willfully oblivious to the point of being mean at times. In the Remake, much of her sometimes too in-your-face playfulness was kept--perhaps still a little too much--but I appreciate the nuance that they gave her. The train graveyard scene tells the player that she didn’t have friends growing up, and I think that partially contributes to her lack of social tact at times. The other factor that gives her personality more nuance is the hint of special knowledge that affects how she interacts with the rest of the group. It gives her additional hidden motivation and adds to her mystery for new players while simultaneously pulling at the heartstrings for old players who get the impression that Aerith is somehow aware--to a certain, unknown extent--of her own fate. 

I also appreciate that Aerith is more grounded as a real person than as some sort of revered being. I do blame AC for some of that. When you have the power to cure a fatal disease from the afterlife and send the dead back to life, it gets into some godlike territory. Maybe it’s a fair depiction of her powers as a Cetra, but I just get the feeling that Aerith herself wouldn’t really appreciate being made into this goddess-like figure. Remember that her character blurb in the original game manual implied that she was more interested in earthly things (i.e. the love triangle) than in exploring her own powers. I personally think that Aerith used the “love triangle” in the OG as a form of escapism from the weight of her burdens rather than genuine interest, and I just think she’d want to be thought of as a person rather than as a god. One of my favorite scenes for Aerith is when she and Cloud are traversing the rooftops and she slips on the ladder, letting out a simple, “Shit.” It humanizes her in a way that combats some of the ways she’s sort of been deified in the last 23 years. Also, Aerith wielding a folding chair like it’s WWE never fails to make me laugh. Overall, she just comes off as a more reasonably flawed and--as a result, to me--a more likeable character in the Remake, and I do very much like her now.

Barret is pretty much the exact larger than life character I imagined in my head, only somehow even better, and I really love how expressive and emotional his eyes and facial expressions are. His scenes with Marlene are truly the cutest thing ever. Red XIII is a big, furry ball of sass, and I need so much more of him in the coming parts (Cosmo Canyon still wrecks me to this day). The interactions between the Wedge, Biggs, and Jessie are incredible, and they really feel like people who’ve been friends and basically each other’s family for years. The Turks and Rufus are pretty much as cool as I imagined them in the OG.

There’s still so much more I haven’t even started touching on about the Remake, and I think that’s why I’m finally posting this now. I just can’t contain my love for this game any more, and I really really need a place to express myself. I don’t know if anybody is still reading, but I appreciate having the opportunity to finally gush about this game and franchise that I’ve loved so much for pretty much two-thirds of my life.

[sebthesnipe]

The Dreamer by Whatwashernameagin an Analysis? (Part 1 cuz it was a lot longer than expected)

All portions:

Chapter 1: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 2: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Okay so first off… I get asked a lot what I can do with a forty-thousand-dollar degree in Literature when the job economy is so crap… Answer: Lay awake at 2AM analyzing your favorite fanfic authors. So, here we are. Before I begin however, I wanted to make a few things clear: First, if you have not read any of @whatwashernameagain’s work I highly recommend you do so. She is very talented. You can find her on archiveofourown here; and The Dreamer Chapter 1 here. Secondly, I realize that most authors don’t look into their work as deeply as the reader does when writing an analysis and that a red door may simply be a red door… but where is the fun in that? And Lastly, there will be spoilers… So… Beware! (Also it is a Sanders Sides fanfic so check out Sanders Sides by Thomas Sanders on youtube as well if you haven’t already)

WARNING: Spoilers under cut!!

I’m not sure how many of you are familiar with the literary theory of Reader Response (its pretty much exactly what it sounds like) but I’ll probably be addressing it throughout this post. In fact here and here great introductions to the literary theory; which can be defined in its most broad sense, as a criticism that “considers readers’ reaction to literature as vital to interpreting the meaning of the text” (Purdue Writing Lab). Not very clear is it? Basically, Reader Response is the concept that readers have just as much say in what the work means as the author does. In other words, “readers do not passively consume the meaning present to them by an objective literary text; rather they actively make the meaning they find in literature” (Purdue Writing Lab). Without the author there is no reader and without the reader there is no author.

           That’s probably a lot of mumbo jumbo to take in but I’ve studied so many literary approaches that it is merely a glimpse into the stuff rattling around in my brain when I read any type of work. I don’t tell you any of this to flex or show how smart I am… …. Well… not really anyways lol. I am explaining this now because it will be important later in the post. Now! Onto the really fun stuff!

CHAPTER 1 (Again spoilers!)

Okay, going into the work I knew the premise: Superhero vs. Villain eventually becoming friends and even lovers. I’m totes down! However, Eva (the author (Whatwashernameagain) never ceases to pull in the reader from the first line!

“He’d chosen to call himself the Utilitarianist, the etymology of which was clearly derived from the Latin word ‘utilis’, meaning ‘useful’” (Whatwashernameagain).

First off! The italics are beautiful! They pull attention to the fact that whoever it is that is naming himself (*cough* Logan *cough*) has already shunned the outer world. He doesn’t care what others have to say. He is deciding this for himself. The sheer amount of strength in a single word because she used italics is stunning and I’m certain she doesn’t even realize what she has done.

Moving on to the actual name is another thing entirely. I know that ‘Utilitarianism’ is defined as “the ethical doctrine that virtue is based on utility, and that conduct should be directed toward promoting the greatest happiness of the greatest number of persons” (“Utilitarianism”). So first, this screams Logan, secondly there is a lot to be said for the name choice. While, the hero/villain’s goal is obvious by the name (doing acts that are for the ‘greater good’) there is a lot to be said for personality here. Obviously, it can be taken that whoever chose this name is insecure in a way; only taking value of themselves by how useful they are. The man no doubts feels as if he is only as valuable as the contributions he makes, which is certainly relatable. So, within the first sentence we learn quite a lot about a single individual and are already drawn in… then again, that’s Eva for you.

Within the next paragraph we learn that the he is in fact a ‘villain’ though I like to think of him more as a… misguided vigilante… but Logan is my bea… so… yeah. Once again, we see italics: “They called him a villain” (Whatwashernameagain). It pulls the reader’s attention to the separation the Utilitarianist is making between himself and the outside world. The feeling of loneliness just from the two italicized words is almost suffocating, at least to me (hence Reader-Response theory). Eva always has such a way with capturing emotions so subtly its breath taking. It certainly is one of her biggest strengths. I mean, here we are not even two sentences in and I’m already moved by the isolation of the villain.

Moving on down the line, we see that the Utilitarianist feels he is doing good for the world… sees himself as a hero rather than the villain the world sees him as. Eva also begins to apply descriptors to the not-villain. “Cold and infallible logic” is used to describe his work. Knowing Sanders Sides as I do its obvious that at this point, I have an assumption as to which character the Utilitarian is (and I’ve already read the work once or twice) but this practically cements it. The reason I bring these four little words to your attention however is the simplicity of them and the giant impact they have. Just as the italics spoke volumes so does this small excerpt. The loneliness I mentioned before only grows with these words, becoming an image of shivering, icy fingers reaching out for someone who isn’t there, the only thing keeping him warm is his own logical calculations…. Its… so heartbreaking… Damn it Eva!!! T.T

Within the next paragraph however we’re moving on to a more light-hearted tone as the Utilitarianist calls the world small minded and unable to understand his ‘superior logic’ (Whatwashername). That, in and of itself, gives way to more personality, breathing more life into the previously abstract character and making him more human… though far less humble lol.  

I feel as if I really need to move a bit more quickly through this work to keep this post from getting to long but… Eva’s work with emotional subtext is so stunning I can’t help myself. We’ve moved from the first sentence drawing attention to the separation of the Utilitarianist from the public’s view of him, to the lonely cool logic behind his actions and now within the next few sentences were pulled into a whirlwind of frustration and all of it is so seamless. It may seem like something small and inconsequential but there are published best-selling authors that struggle with it regularly and she manages it so flawlessly (and if I had to guess, without even really thinking about it.

The frustration I mention above is visible through the way the Utilitarianist uses descriptors pulling attention to names like ‘whistleblower’, ‘eco-terrorist’, ‘extremist’, and the way he points out more than one, obviously frustrated. He also insults the world once again pointing out their ‘small minds’ and ‘hypocrisy’; the media calling him ‘cruel’. Again, it’s the subtle things that really make a work shine and as usual Eva’s work is almost blinding.

“His enemies were clear to him, chosen not by his own selfish passions or greed, but by pure, beautiful logic” (Whatwashernameagain).

This line…. Oh, this line…. -sighs dreamily at the words-

So, Reader-Response theory can be interpreted in a number of ways but basically what you need to know is that everyone reads things in different ways due to their own life-experiences, interests, backgrounds, opinions, etc. So, this tiny line that most wouldn’t think twice of is one of my absolute favorites. Why? Well… Lets just say that I have four copies of every Sherlock Homes book (Sir Arthur Connan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes) (Leather bound, hard cover, soft cover, and children’s versions). Which means I’m a bit of fan. Why is that important here? Well, Logan’s (the Utilitarian’s) thought here, pulls me straight back to Doyle’s work. It is so Holmes-esc that it makes me all warm inside and brings a smile to my face. Not to mention it is another shift in the emotional tone of the work, pulling the reader from frustration to an almost affection as Logan addresses his work. This provides the character with even more complexity making him more tangible than ever. There is already so much depth to this character in the first half of this chapter than it astounds me… I am never disappointed in the woman’s writing.

As I read about some of Logan’s target, I have to pause because of just how real some of these issues are. “Fast food chains that ate away the natural resources with their disgusting wastefulness, earning money on the back of animals starved of space and clean air. Government funded projects poisoning the water of people dependent on it. Radioactive plants secured so badly the surrounding hospitals were filled to the brim with cancer patients. Presidents who criminalized people for their skin, their sex, their religion or orientation” (Whatwashernameagain). It makes we want to bring attention to New Culturism and New Historicism but that’s a whole different can of worms. For now, I’ll just say that in today political and environmental climate these are some real issues and she knows that. She knows her audience, for sure! I feel as if this could be a real power play, not in any bad way but in the sense that she can pull at the concerns of so many readers at once with Logan addressing these issues, submerging them in support of his unconventional solutions. How else do you make a reader fall in love with a villain but with sympathy and support? Brilliant… just bloody brilliant.

“Public acts of violence threatened to cause a brutalization of the human mind and thus cause more violence due to normalizing it by prolonged exposure” (Whatwashernameagain).

I won’t spend too much time on this but… Holmes-esc… just saying… I love it so much!

“Despite any attempts to paint him as a ruthless monster, the people were his ultimate ally… Ultimately, he believed the world would come to understand his superior philosophy” (Whatwashernameagain).

Okay, lets pause for a moment. We get some conflicting information here (not in a bad way). Up until now Logan has isolated himself from the world but now, we find out that the people work with him. This is conflicting not because it goes against what has been said but simply what the reader has assumed (reader-response theory). When we really consider it, of course there would be support for his tactics. Trump has supporters… I don’t see why but he does… It’s only logical that someone who is actually making change for the better (even if his methods are extreme) would have them too…. Wait… Did I just compare Logan to Trump?! I’m going to go cry in a corner now… T.T No, but seriously Eva is making her readers think and ask questions that they have to fill in the blanks for, themselves. Its fantastic! The truth of the matter is, the best works have the readers read between the lines, fill in the blanks, help mold the story to their own liking, and she does this so Wonderfully I am jealous and awed by it all. As for bringing the world around to his philosophy we as a reader know that’s probably not going to happen but that might not be the point of the sentence. Perhaps, its to bring a small sense of eccentric tendencies in a far less subtle manner to Logan or just determination. I feel that it does both whether intended or not and does it beautifully. It makes it obvious that Logan is still lonely and determined to bring others in on his work while deluding himself that they will. I think most of us have been lonely enough that we went just a little crazy at one point or another… Which makes Logan more relatable.

Unfortunately, I have to go to work; but I will be back with a Part 2 of this. I have a lot more to say so be warned! And yes, I realize there’s going to be a lot of TLDR’s but it’s a good thing I’m writing this more for myself than anyone XP so… until next time…

 Purdue Writing Lab. “Reader-Response Criticism // Purdue Writing Lab.” Purdue Writing Lab, https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/subject_specific_writing/writing_in_literature/literary_theory_and_schools_of_criticism/reader_response_criticism.html.

“Utilitarianism.” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, https://www.dictionary.com/browse/utilitarianism.

Whatwashernameagain. “The Dreamer - Chapter 1.” Hello Guys Gals And Non Binary Friends, 8 Sept. 2019, https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/187581477262/the-dreamer-chapter-1.

[fmddaisukearchive]

Hey guys, Oli here. I know that my activity has been really.. well, shitty, the past few months. I don’t really have an excuse for that apart from real life sucking and my mental health deciding to peace out on me lol but I really miss being active and I miss writing with you all, so I’m posting a fresh plot call, but with a twist - I’m basically wiping Daisuke’s slate clean with plots. If we’ve plotted or threaded something in the past, please disregard it. I want a fresh start with him, so you guys can act like he’s a muse you’ve never been introduced to before. I also have some fresh plots and connection/thread ideas under the read more, so if any of those interest you, please drop a like and I’ll message you. 

1. Daisuke’s a very private person. Not many people know what’s going on in that head of his because of how quiet he is and because of his Chronic RBF. Unfortunately for Daisuke, that makes CHARM’s fans even more interested in knowing more about him. One of their favorite questions to ask is what celebrity is his ideal type. He can’t very well give the real answer, so he says the first thing that comes to mine - this idol’s name. (we can discuss where it goes from here). 

2. When Daisuke first entered BC as a trainee, he didn’t know any Korean besides how to introduce himself - and he can barely do that right. Even when CHARM debuted, he still had to rely on their manager to do a lot of translation for him (although.. honestly not that much, we all know Daisuke don’t says hit 95% of the time lmao). This particular person, another person under BC, was the very first friend he made when he joined. (He joined in August of 2014). They were a big help to him learning Korean and getting acclimated to Korean customs. They’re still close to this day, Daisuke would even consider them to be one of his best friends. 

3. This person is Daisuke’s other best friend. The person (apart from Sung and the muse from plot 2) who had any insight on the inner workings of his mind. He shares thoughts with them that he doesn’t really share with anyone else - not because he’s ashamed of them, but because he doesn’t like burdening others with his thoughts and problems. They always make sure to remind him that he’s not a burden though, and that makes him feel a little better each time he hears it. 

4. This person is someone that Daisuke connects with on a more comfortable level. They’re Japanese too, which makes him feel a lot more comfortable talking to them. He can speak freely and calmly with them without worrying about not saying the right thing or saying something wrong. It’s like having his own little piece of home right there in Korea with him - only better because it’s an actual person. 

5. Back before Daisuke debuted with CHARM, he would go on walks around the city so he could familiarize himself with his new home. He also thought it would be a good way to force himself to learn Korean faster. One day it backfired on him when he decided to stop at a cafe and order a drink. He couldn’t read the menu very well, and not only the barista, but the other customers started to get frustrated with him because he was taking too long. But then this person stepped up, kindly and patiently reading things off the menu to him. That was the start of their beautiful friendship. 

6. Daisuke has three siblings, two sisters and a brother, and they’re all still back in Japan. He misses them a lot, more often then he likes to think about (because it only makes him miss them more). This person reminds him so much of one of his siblings, he can’t help but be drawn to them. It was a little awkward and difficult at first, what with Daisuke’s quiet demeanor, but they were eventually able to form a bond and friendship. 

7. Daisuke has been in a about a handful of ‘relationships’, most of them lasting a few weeks to maybe a few months. Two of them were serious. The one he’s currently in, and the one before his current relationship. He was eighteen at the time (anytime after Dec. 2016), and it was the first time he felt something close to love. Unfortunately, things ended up fizzling out by June of 2018. (we can discuss if they ended on positive, negative or neutral terms. open to any gender.) 

8. Daisuke’s calm and passive nature can be seen as being nonchalant, and even flippant or dismissive. To anyone who doesn’t know him, it would be easy to jump to the conclusion that he didn’t care about music, or about being an idol at all. It would be easy to assume that he took CHARM’s fame and success for granted. It would be easy to take all those assumptions and form a negative opinion of him, much like this person has. 

9. It’s no surprise that Daisuke isn’t the best dancer. He’s the tallest member in CHARM at 6′5″, and his limbs are long, which makes it a little bit more difficult for him to pick up choreography or move as fluidly as his group. It doesn’t help that his dance skills were built from scratch and not a natural sense of rhythm. He still struggles with dancing to this day. Not horribly, but enough to the point where he feels the need to ask this main dancer for a few pointers. 

10. Believe it or not, music is actually really important to Daisuke. He wants to grow as an artist, and while he’s already started writing his own lyrics, he wants to take that next step and start learning how to not only produce his own music, but play instruments as well. He’d love to learn how to play the piano and the guitar, and he wants to learn how to work a soundboard lol (this is open to three people - one person who can play the guitar, one who can play the piano, and one that can teach him how to produce)

11. This person and Daisuke are both talented vocalists in their own right, but in the music industry there’s never enough room for two talented people to prosper. They’re always pitted against one another, and a media fueled rivalry has been sparked between them. When in actuality, they’re quite good friends who can’t stand being made out to hate each other.

[tenroseforeverandever]

The Perfect Blend - Chapter 4

Characters: Tenth Doctor (aka James Noble); Rose Tyler; Clara Oswald; Amy Pond; Jeanne Poisson; Donna Noble; Sylvia Noble; Wilfred Mott; Mickey Smith; Martha Jones; Clyde Langer

Tags: Human AU; fake relationship AU; coffee shop AU; stalkerish!Reinette; hurt/comfort; angst; romance; fluff; Christmas; New Year; New Year’s kiss

Story Summary:

Trying to escape from an predatory ex-girlfriend who will not accept their break-up, James Noble (aka The Doctor) finds himself in a coffee shop where he meets a barista (aka Rose Tyler) who makes him the perfect cup of tea and lends a sympathetic ear to his tale of woe.

Chapter Summary: In which Mickey feels the need to connect the dots…

Chapter Notes: You’d think, with all this time in social isolation, I’d be more productive! Alas…

Hugs and kisses to the brilliant @rose--nebula and mrsbertucci for looking over this chapter. They kindly did this days ago, and I kept forgetting to post! Oops! LOL

Anyway, hope you enjoy. <3

Read also at: AO3; Tsp (when approved); FF

THE PERFECT BLEND - CHAPTER 4

NEW YEAR’S EVE

James felt cold panic clutch at his throat, stealing his breath. Here it was, late afternoon on New Year’s Eve, and he had yet to secure a date for the gala. He’d had no time to continue his quest today, as he’d spent the entire day at the University, setting up his fireworks display and tinkering with the holographic projectors. Then he’d rushed home to change into his (unlucky) tuxedo. Not that he believed in such superstitious nonsense, but he couldn’t help but notice, nothing good ever came of him wearing that blasted black suit.

On his return trip to the Uni for another quick systems check before guests started to arrive, he’d walked by Pete’s Coffee Dimension and, despite running late, had been drawn inside. He’d been tempted by the thought of a nice, fortifying cup of something hot, maybe even the “best cuppa in London”, and in the back of his mind, had been thinking maybe the pretty barista he had met there on his last visit would be there this time too. He’d been hoping to bask in her quiet compassion, even for just a few minutes before his life turned completely to hell.

But the barista hadn’t been there, sadly, just some bloke, who was pleasant enough, James supposed. He’d told James the barista’s name was Rose (a beautiful name that suited her perfectly!) and had just disappeared behind the counter to prepare him a cuppa, spouting some cryptic, vague assurances that he had the answer to all of James’ problems.

James was not reassured. He ran his hands through his hair and down his face. His heart was thrashing out of his chest. Blimey, he needed that cuppa… If he could only get it down his anxiety-tight throat.

Jeanne would be at the gala tonight, on his arm or not. She had her own ticket, he knew. And she would be relentless (proper predatory-level relentless) when she saw he’d come alone.

Despite his many varied (and increasingly desperate) attempts to do so, he hadn’t been able to find anyone who was suitable (or willing) to be his plus-one for tonight. He couldn’t ask his work colleagues. Most of them were considerably older than he and happily married, and he honestly didn’t think for a minute he’d be able to pull off a convincing act of love with any of those few who didn’t have prior attachments. He’d made some hesitant requests of the students and junior scientists he knew from various labs throughout the Science department, but they either all had plans for the evening (quite right, too!) or had just told him in no uncertain terms that they didn’t want to get involved in his dating debacle (also… quite right, too!)

There had been one graduate student whom he’d been hopeful about. She worked in the lab next to his and was sweet and smart, and he had always gotten along quite well with her. He also knew her to be unattached and, while not the sort to party, thought she would enjoy a festive evening at the gala. But Petronella Osgood had nearly passed out from an anxiety-induced asthma attack the moment he proposed his ruse, and James had spent the evening in the A&E with her as she recovered from the trauma. He decided right then, he wouldn’t press the matter with her any further. He didn’t wish to cause her any more stress, and upon further consideration, decided he would rather suffer the horrors of Jeanne on his own, than subject the poor girl to a potential confrontation with the French woman and her nasty temperament.  

With his options rapidly dwindling, he’d even considered paying for an escort, but after some frantic research, he’d discovered that even the semi-reputable ones were ridiculously pricey, and while he would have had no trouble financially, it was a bloody waste of money. Surely Jeanne had already cost him enough. Besides, quite frankly, the idea of using an escort was… weeell… repugnant.

As a last-ditch measure, he’d called on his friend, Jack Harkness, a pan-sexual playboy, and a true friend, through and through. He’d expected Jack to be more than happy to help him stage a fake coming-out, announcing he was gay. Afterall, Jack had been trying to get into James’ pants for years, though not in any serious way. He was a tease, but he understood that James considered him to be a friend only… no benefits of a sexual nature attached. But, as it turned out, Jack had picked this festive season to finally set aside his lecherous ways and settle down. He’d announced to James that he had a new boyfriend, Ianto Jones, with whom he was “exclusive” and had lots of “plans for private New Year celebrations.”  

And now… James was out of time. Doomed. And he was spending his last precious moments of a Jeanne-free life, hiding in a coffee shop, like the coward he was, desperate for a cuppa and a glimpse of an absentee barista.

He heaved a great, sad sigh, and taking off his glasses, allowed his head to sink into his hands, despair overcoming him.

 “Rose! Rose!” Mickey hissed at her through the pass-through.

Rose rolled her eyes at Martha (who giggled in response) and sighed. “Honestly, Micks, can I not leave you alone for five minutes without something going wrong?” she teased as she approached the opening to the coffee bar. “What’s up?”

“Well, I might not bother to tell you now, since you’re being like that.”

“C’mon, Micks…”

“Oh, alright. I have a customer who’d like one of your cups of tea. Wanna put the kettle on?”

“That’s it? That’s what you wanted to tell me?”

“Yup. You know I don’t have the knack you have for making a good cuppa.”

“He’s not wrong,” Martha piped up from behind Rose.

“Oi,” Mickey protested, “I can make a decent cuppa, but as long as Rose is here… Besides, we don’t want the place to get a bad rep from my one substandard cups of tea. Oh, and yeah, it’s for here, so put it in one of the china cups and bring it out when it’s ready, yeah?”

“Bossy!” Rose chided with a grin.

“Someone needs to take charge, otherwise the two of you would be frittering away the time, blathering on about who-knows-what.”

“The nerve! I’ll have you know we’ve completely cleaned the storage room and done inventory, while you’ve made a couple of espresso shots and wiped down a few tables.” Rose turned to Martha. “Are you seriously planning to marry this one?”

Martha’s eyes gleamed. “For better or for worse, that’s what I hear. I guess this is the worse.”

Mickey grumbled at them. “Just hurry and get out here with that cuppa, yeah.” Then he turned and stomped away, out of Rose’s line of sight.

 Five minutes later, Rose rushed out from the kitchen, with a hot teapot of Darjeeling, a couple of complimentary biscotti, and a china cup and saucer on a tray. She paused briefly to pick up the milk from the fridge, then raised her head and stepped out from behind the service counter. She stopped short at the sight before her.

It was him. The Doctor.

She twisted around to look behind her, taking in Mickey’s cheeky grin. “I’m gonna kill you,” she mouthed, her cheeks burning.

“Go on,” her friend mouthed back, gesturing her out into the seating area with a sweeping motion of his hands. Martha stepped up behind him and Rose sighed as she watched the young woman’s eyes light up when Mickey whispered to her who the customer was. She clapped her hands silently together, bounced on her toes, and motioned to Rose in no uncertain terms to move her arse out there and deliver the tea.

Shaking her head at her friends, Rose turned back to the seating area and, taking a deep, fortifying breath, she moved toward the Doctor’s table.

He was sat there with his head in his hands, looking miserable, his gorgeous fringe spilling through his fingers. He was wearing a tuxedo, so she assumed he had somewhere to be tonight and couldn’t help but wonder why he was here instead. Unless it had something to do with that ex-girlfriend of his…

But that wasn’t Rose’s business. He had ordered a cuppa, and she would deliver it to him. That was her job. Nothing more to it than that.

Then why, she wondered, was her heart throbbing somewhere in the region of her throat? Why was her mouth as dry as ash and her palms hot and sweaty? Why did she feel that faint, fluttering hope rising in her chest again, the one she’d felt every time the bell over the door had rung over the last few days? The difference was, this time, the source of that hope was actually sitting right in front of her, waiting for her to deliver him a cuppa.

She fought back her giddiness. I have to remain impartial, she told herself. She’d probably find out he wasn’t as wonderful as her memory (and imagination) had made him seem. He’d probably turn out to be a right arse. And maybe that would be for the best. After all, despite her protests to the contrary, she knew Clara was right: she’d been mooning about him since his first visit, prior to Christmas. She needed to get on with her life, and not spend her time fantasising over men she wasn’t nearly accomplished enough to date. Yes, surely, he was a truly horrible person.

With that fortifying thought in mind, she stepped up to his table.

 James’ head shot up out of his hands when he heard the soft sound of a throat clearing hesitantly. He’d been so lost in his troubles, he’d not noticed anyone approaching his table. His bleary eyes struggled to make out the source of the sound: a haze of pink and yellow. He picked up his glasses and snapped them onto his face.

Instantly, a most welcome sight came into focus before him. The pretty barista… Rose… was standing before him, cheeks flushed the colour of her namesake, and holding a tray that held what he knew was certain to be the best cuppa in London. His troubles seemed to instantly recede in her presence. (Of course, he warned himself, they hadn’t actually receded, just been put on the backburner of his brain for a blessed few minutes.)

“Hello.” She offered him a shy smile and flushed a deeper shade of red.

He waggled his fingers at her. “Hello.”

“Hello…” she bit her bottom lip endearingly, “…Doctor.”

“That’s me!”

She nodded her head rapidly, fervently agreeing with this statement.

“Is that my tea?”

“Oh, blimey! Yeah… course…” With shaking hands, she unloaded the contents of the tray onto the table. “Would you like me to pour?”

He nodded this time, his usually non-stop gob failing him.

She set his cup in front of him and, lifting the little teapot, poured out his tea with a practiced flair, allowing a few bubbles to form on the surface. “For good luck…” she murmured, as she set the pot down.

“I’m sorry… what?”

“Oh… the bubbles… in your cup… they’re supposed to predict good fortune or some such rot. Generally, financially, but if they cling to the side of the cup… erm… like these ones…” her voice dropped to nearly subaudible levels and she averted her eyes from his, “…they foretell romance.”

“Romance?”

She picked at the little knit cozy covering the pot. “Erm, yeah… each bubble represents a… well… a kiss.”

He beamed at her, covering her fidgeting hand with his. It was warm and soft, and fit perfectly under his. “Thank-you… Rose? Right?”

She met his gaze with wide, wondering eyes and nodded again, a bashful smile tugging at one corner of her mouth. “Erm… yeah. Rose. Rose Tyler.”

“Rooooose Tyyyyler.” He rolled the words in his mouth, enjoying the sound and feel of them. “Weeeell, thank-you, Rose Tyler. Not that I believe in superstitions and portents, but I am prepared to suspend my disbelief for tonight. I am more than willing to entertain the possibility that you have changed my fortune with your expert tea pouring. Maybe tonight won’t be the disaster I thought it was going to be, after all.”

“That’s the spirit!” Rose cheered.

“Would you join me?” He reflexively squeezed her hand. “For a cuppa, that is?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d… I’d like that. I’m sure I can find an extra cup around here somewhere. Coffee shop and all, yeah.”

 Mickey rocked from one foot to the other, his frustration building with each passing minute. “What are they on about?” he grumbled, gesturing at Rose and the Doctor. “Look at them! Look!”

Martha arched her brow at him. “Yeah, I see them.”

“What the hell is he waiting for, then? They’re obviously into each other. He’s holding her hand and they’re makin’ eyes at each other. It’s sickening, really. So why the hell doesn’t he just ask her out to that gala of his? Urrrrgh!”

“I think he may need a little help with that.”

“What? Why? She’s beautiful and available and–”

“Yeah, but from his point of view, she’s at work. And who knows what else is going on in his head. Maybe he just needs another little nudge.”

“Blimey, he needs more than a nudge. He needs someone to connect the bloody dots.”

“Off you go then, Mickey-Matchmaker. Go connect those dots.”

“Me? Why me? Don’t you think this might require a woman’s touch?”

“Look, this was your idea…”

Mickey glowered at his fiancée.

“Not that I think it’s a bad idea. Like you said, they’re obviously… attracted.”

“Attracted? They’re practically undressing each other with their eyes!”

“Right. All I’m saying is you need to go out and finish the job.”

“What about you? You just gonna stand here whilst I make a fool of myself?”

Martha flashed him a cheeky grin. “Yeah, something like that. Consider it moral support.”

“Pffft, moral support, my arse.” He scowled. “Well, since you’re obviously gonna leave me high and dry… here goes!” He took a step out toward the table where Rose and the Doctor were lost in each other’s gazes but pulled up short at Martha’s next words.

“Oh, and by the way, for my part, I already contacted Amy.” She arched a smug brow.

“And…”

“She can’t wait to help out. Champing at the bit, she is!” Then Martha added in a stage-whisper, “So Rose will have no excuses. Don’t let her worm her way out of this.”

 James sat staring blankly at the bloke (Rickey?), a piece of biscotti half-way to his mouth. His brain had surged into overdrive, processing information and probabilities, but it seemed to have forgotten it was connected to his gob, which opened and closed uselessly. He looked over at Rose who gawped back at him with an expression that probably mirrored his own.

He had to admit, the bloke’s plan had merit. He could see himself falling for this girl. If he was being honest, he was already teetering at the edge. He’d just never considered asking a total stranger to accompany him to the gala (apart from his fleeting research into escorts), and he wasn’t entirely sure Rose was even vaguely interested. For one thing, it was all very last minute, the epitome of last minute; frankly, if he could define last minute, this would be it. Secondly, weeell, while she obviously didn’t have any plans to celebrate the New Year, she had plans… working-type plans, plans that were obviously very important to her. And much more important than his stupid University Gala. And, C, no three… thirdly, why the hell would she even want to go out with him? He thought he’d felt some attraction between them, but she didn’t know anything about him… zip, zilch, nada, nought! He could be an axe-murderer for all she knew, a rapist, a–

His rambling thoughts screeched to a halt as he saw her expression morphing from shock and bewilderment to…

“What the actual fuck, Mickey?” she hissed at the young man who stood before them with a proud grin on his face. Her face was now fiery with embarrassment and anger. “How dare you?”

James tugged on his ear and watched, helpless, as Rickey’s grin collapsed. “But it’s perfect, babe, don’t you see?” James had to give the man credit. He’d never be able to face the wrath this bloke was facing, despite having survived Donna (and Aunt Sylvia) for many years. “He needs a date. You need to get a life. Simple.” Rickey (the idiot) ploughed on, clearly oblivious or indifferent to the immediate threat to his existence.

“Oh, I need to get a life, do I?” Rose snarled. “What is all of this, then?” She gestured around the shop. “Seems to me I have a life. A perfectly good life, thank-you very much. I don’t need you–”

“Yeah? Well, me and Martha, we think you do. Babe, you never see beyond these four walls, except to go upstairs–”

“To my home!”

“Home then. My point is, you never leave this building, except to pick up things for the shop.”

“This is my dream…”

“Look, Rickey…” James interjected, shooting a glance at Rose, who was glaring at her friend with pursed lips.

“It’s Mickey!” Mickey snapped.

“Right, sorry… Mickey then… Look, mate, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, and I certainly wouldn’t say no to having Rose on my arm at the Gala this evening, but–”

Rose swept around to face him, the fire in her eyes dying out and a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. “You wouldn’t?”

James ran his hand through his hair again (he must look a mess…) “Weeell, no… no, of course not… I’d be honoured… Would you like to come?”

“Well, yeah…”

“Would you, though?”

“Yeah!”

“I just thought because you don’t really know me…”

“Yeah, I thought because you don’t really know me… and I just… I just work in a shop; you might not want me to…”

“Oh, I’d love you to come,” he gushed.

James sensed, rather than saw Mickey backing slowly away. His attention was riveted on the beautiful, blushing woman sitting before him. She beamed at him, her tongue touching the corner of her mouth. “Okay.”

He beamed in return, but his smile quickly dropped away, doubts racing back to the front of his mind. “But you… I mean, you don’t know the first thing about me….” He glanced down at the remains of his biscotti, pushing the crumbs around with a restless finger.

Rose’s hand closed over his, stopping his fidgeting. “I know a little… and,” she fixed him in her warm gaze, “I’d like to know more… But, oh God… oh no! I don’t have anything to wear. Certainly nothing that would do for an event like this one!”

“All taken care of,” a young woman James hadn’t noticed before piped up from the service counter. “Amy is more than happy to lend you something. It’s all arranged.”

“But, Martha…”

“No excuses!” Mickey added. “You’re going! You deserve to get out and enjoy yourself.”

Rose turned her nervous smile back to James and shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I’m going, then. That is if you’d still like me to come.”

James felt his spirits soar. For the first time in weeks he didn’t feel like he was plunging head-first into the depths of despair. Maybe his tux wasn’t such a portent of doom, after all. “Oh, yes!” He swept to his feet and offered her his hand. “It’s a date!”

“Yeah…” she chirped, standing and lacing her fingers with his, “…I guess it is!”

“Oh, yes!” he repeated. “Allons-y, Rose Tyler.”

[thesinglesjukebox]

FULL TAC FT. LIL MARIKO - WHERE'S MY JUUL??

[6.11]

Do we choose rule, or do we choose suck?

Alex Clifton: Juuls. Juuls. Juuls. Oh my god, Juuls. [7]

Katie Gill: It's a little bit telling how all the comments on the YouTube video are comparing this song to other meme songs and not talking about the merits of the song itself. Still, there will always be a place in the world for meme songs that are serviceable memes but less than serviceable songs that teenagers can obnoxiously quote on the bus. "Where's My Juul" fits that niche perfectly. I expect a fleet of TikToks featuring people lip-syncing to this and will be very disappointed when this inevitably doesn't happen because I am out of touch with the youth. [6]

Kalani Leblanc: I can see there's already an abundance of blurbs submitted for this song, and the number will have risen by the time I finish this. After thinking so hard about how to go about being the fifteenth person to say "It sounds like "Shoes"," I'm realizing it's not really "Shoes" anyway. While they're both jokes that bear a resemblance in the thrash of a breakdown, "Where's My Juul??" is also listenable. The comparison is getting tired because it's like did anyone listen to "Shoes"? As a song? In earnest??? While this is not an entirely impressive piece, no concerto or FKA Twigs production, it's enough. Since 2006, we've been making everything into jokes, so it makes perfect sense. Nicotine-induced freakouts would've been the subject of an after school special ten years ago, but now they're joke material for hypebeasts and others on Twitter. Lil Mariko makes an impressive case while trying to find her Juul; I can't find anything this song did wrong, sorry. [8]

Will Adams: The mid-song 0-to-11 ramp is what takes this past the mean-spiritedness of "#Selfie" and the meme-spiritedness of "Phone" into effortless "Shoes"/"Let Me Borrow That Top" absurdity. The Juul is a placeholder; sub in any other monosyllabic cultural artifact, and Lil Mariko's rage against Full Tac's electroclash-y beat would cut through just as effectively. "Sorry, guys!" she says at the end, except there's nothing to apologize for. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: I wrote 20 pages about Juul culture in 2018 so I should in theory be the exact target audience for this. Yet "Where's My Juul??" doesn't really click for me. It's charming and funny in parts (Lil Mariko's spoken verses, which transmit nervy anxiety and barely restrained fury effectively) but the hook, which takes up most of the very long minute-forty-five, is comedy via brute force principles: repeat a phrase enough and it will transfigure into a joke. [5]

Brad Shoup: About as funny as the related TikTok meme, though not as menacing, surprisingly. I wish so badly that Full Tac had gone full hardcore -- or even brostep! -- but am glad that Lil Mariko's Danny Brownian ad-libs and sudden reversals grind "#SELFIE" into the dirt. [7]

Oliver Maier: I need not catalogue the myriad ways in which this is transparently designed to blast off on TikTok -- you would probably know better than me -- but that cynicism detracts from "Where's My Juul??" for me. There's none of the spontaneity or sense of genuine fun that animates certain other genre-agnostic, threat-spewing, extremely online weirdo duos, more savvy than it is genuinely silly. It's not badly executed, but I felt like I got the picture before even hitting play. [4]

Will Rivitz: I get this is supposed to be more meme than song, but I so wish it had leaned into the latter for more than half its runtime. The "FUCK!!!" at the beginning of its second chorus is worth at least a [7] on its own, and its redlining nu-metal production is such a tight fusion of XXXTENTACION's sonic fingerprint and simplified TikTok trap that I'm surprised the "oh my God" ad-libs aren't followed by a "Ronny." As it stands, "Where's My Juul??" and its just-a-little-too-long interludes that grate after listen number four or so functions as a sort of "Thrift Shop" for the current day, a track defined by its novelty that we as an Internet music-Twitter hivemind all agree was genuinely good about five years after it's exited the public consciousness. It deserves more. [8]

Ian Mathers: Both less musically compelling and with less of a point than "Can I Get a Box?". [5]

Katherine St Asaph: It's kind of amazing how it took seven years for Rebecca Martinson to release her debut. [1]

Nortey Dowuona: Lil Mariko is actually kinda weird in the lol so random funny way that people think that [insert overrated white comic who had a Comedy Central show] is and has a really great metal screaming voice. I don't know who made this dull approximation of Kenny Beats and Pi'erre Bourne, nor do I care. Lil Mariko will hopefully get a recurring cameo role on Nora From Queens and get her own show from that. [5]

Mo Kim: The best joke here is the escalation of nonchalance (hey, where's my Juul?) into something desperate, and therefore dangerous: it hits like the drop in a rollercoaster when Lil Mariko finally breaks out the deep-throated metal screams, but the moment wouldn't have half the thrill without the masterful way she gradually ups the heat on the song's first chorus before that. Both of her spoken monologues, where she merges Valley Girl affect with murderous menace, only sweeten the deal. [8]

Ryo Miyauchi: "Where's My Juul??" gets spiked with an infectious dose of adrenaline when it suddenly turns a lot more aggro than you'd expect from a meme-y cross-section of Rico Nasty's mosh-pop and PC Music's ironic bubblegum. The demented beat stings with a pungent metallic sourness, and while her Valley Girl accent scans as an obvious put-on, Lil Mariko's blood-curdling scream is legitimately hair-raising. The song rapidly combusts, ensuring the joke doesn't overstay its welcome. [7]

Joshua Lu: Yes, hearing the unassuming Lil Mariko scream and snarl over a missing Juul is intrinsically funny, especially accompanied by a music video that knows exactly how to push the limits of its concept. But the real strength of "Where's My Juul??" lies in its sheer relatability. The title could be anything -- where's my wallet, my phone, my eraser -- because anyone who has ever misplaced anything can relate to the escalating panic and rage in not only the cataclysmic vocals, but also Full Tac's discordant production. Also crucial to the song is its sense of plot, as it steadily progresses from confusion to blame to outright violence. The ending, though predictable (Lizzo used the exact same twist not that long ago), is a necessary denouement, as it provides the moment where everyone involved can look back on the last minute and a half of chaos and laugh. [8]

Iain Mew: As a song structure trick, I love the fake-out final verse, those ones that seem like something slowly developing before the artist brutally cuts it off for the chorus or instrumental to come back stronger than ever; the "Don't Speak" and "Your Best American Girl" kind of thing. The key moment of "Where's My Juul??" comes in taking that same trick to a ludicrous, brilliant extreme. It has a drawn-out, jittery verse, a cartoon scowl of a chorus, and then one question into verse two it veers straight into swearing, screaming and fucking everything up. That's perfect enough that it would ideally be even shorter than it ends up. [7]

Kylo Nocom: Full Tac and Lil Mariko do in less than two minutes what took Justice five. The gimmick is the least fun part, and judging by my sample size of BigKlit's "Liar" and Full Tac's very own "CHOP" the producers behind this might not even be as funny as this video would imply. But I've long settled with music that's good on the merits of just being fun; when the production here is layered with discordant guitar sampling, analog drum kits, and distant screams of "piss!" and "fuck," I'm willing to buy into the ugliness. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Full Tac returns with another take on "Liar," succeeding because the goofy conceit here finds an appropriately goofy (that is, unexpected) vocal performance. Part of the appeal is how "Where's My Juul??" could sit comfortably alongside songs from Rico Nasty and Rina Sawayama, but has the appeal of shoddy viral videos from yesteryear. It's that "Kombucha Girl"-type reaction it's striving to elicit, and it accomplishes that as soon as the screaming starts. The best detail, though, is the most subtle: the moment Lil Mariko stops herself from saying "who" and politely asks "have you seen it?" [7]

Michael Hong: Have you ever been dragged to a party only for your only friend to disappear, leaving you to mingle with a group of people you don't know? And one person makes a comment so absurd that you just giggle along with the rest of the group even though you're not really sure if they're layering their statement with even a hint of irony or if there's something much more unsettling lurking underneath? But the jokes are getting more and more uncomfortable and suddenly fewer people are laughing along, instead furtively glancing across each other with an exasperated look as if to say "is this person for real?" And instead of backing away, that person instead starts doubling down, getting more and more aggressive, screaming across the room for what feels like hours and surely people must be ready to head out. Instead, when you finally catch a moment to glance down at your phone, you find that only two minutes have elapsed since you arrived and you realize that not even a quarter of the time has passed before your ride will come and you can leave this godforsaken party. You have absolutely no choice but to continue standing in the group in discomfort, waiting for this moment that feels like an eternity to finally finish, with the only background noise being the stereos blaring what sounds like someone's first attempt at using GarageBand. [0]

Crystal Leww: While I was digging through "likes" on SoundCloud, I noticed that a friend of mine had liked "Baby Let Me Know" by Full Tac, which sounds like the synth heavy dreamy pop that was popular at the beginning of last decade. I did not stick around for "Where's My Juul??" so imagine my surprise today when I turned this on and it's umm, screaming. A consistent genre as an essential part of an up-and-coming artist's brand is less essential than ever, especially in an age where (waves hands) dance music has eaten itself alive in its swirling storm of troll energy. Chaos in and of itself is a brand -- from 100 gecs to Alice Longyu Gao's dueling sister tracks "Rich Bitch Juice"/"Dumb Bitch Juice" to any DJ Bus Replacement Service set, it has fully infiltrated dance music. How this goes from sweetly threatening to full-on psychotic and back to cutely apologetic is chaotic so yes, I think Full Tac could make some noise (both in creating a fanbase and also like literally) with this. [8]

[Read and comment on The Singles Jukebox]

[holidaywishes]

I want you, all of you

Part three: I want you, all of you.

  Summary: You and Brendan have been apart for a little less than two weeks. He’s still tried calling and texting you to get you back but you haven’t responded. You finally head back to the apartment to move everything out but get distracted by all the memories.

  Warning: angst, crying, the Notebook lol

  Author’s Note: If you’ve followed my blog the last couple of weeks, you know a) that my masterlist is not being linked probably, so I’ll link that below in the next posts I make for the foreseeable future and b) that I’m writing about three series on three different players, so my mind is all jumbled.

  P.S. (Y/I/H) is for your Instagram handle, even though I’m pretty sure everyone was already aware of that 😃

  masterlist

  Missed Call -- The Kid

  Missed Call -- The Kid

  Missed Call -- The Kid

  Missed Call -- The Kid

  You rolled your eyes as your contact information for Brendan popped up on your screen. You had labelled him The Kid because of how young he looked when you first met him and you hadn’t changed it yet because, honestly, it wasn’t something that even occurred to you. Now, you were forced to think about what to do with his number -- do you delete him completely or just change his name? You had no idea why this was such a big deal but apparently it was. You navigated over to his latest text message, desperately trying not to look, to change his number when a new text came in.

  “Just talk to me” You shook your head and changed his name but that didn’t mean he would stop texting you

  “You haven’t turned off read receipts. I know you’re reading my texts. Call me” Shit, you said squeezing your eyes tight

  “I can’t call. I’m busy…”

  “(Y/N) you know you’re a terrible liar. Don’t even try. Talk to me.”

  “You want me to talk to you. Okay fine. Here you go. I need my stuff from the apartment. Which means I need you to make yourself scarce for a bit. A couple hours.”

  “No. It’s my apartment”

  “Don’t make this difficult, Brendan”

  “What am I supposed to do? I don’t have a game until Saturday… I can’t just roam around for hours waiting for you to be finished”

  “Go hang out with Max or Lehky or go to a bar. I don’t know. Do something. You’re an adult…”

  “I need to see you”

  “No you don’t. You want to. There’s a difference. I’m moving my stuff out and it would be so much better for both of us if it were just me there.”

  “And you say I’m making this difficult”

  “Brendan please.” He didn’t seem to text you after that and your phone was relatively quiet for a few hours. That is until Rebecca posted pictures of the two of you saying goodbye to the apartment

  @theloveofyourlife tagged you in a post: Four years in the centre of pretty much everything and this chick is saying goodbye to her home. You can’t tell by the smile plastered on her face but she’s dying inside. #sostrong #fakingit #whataloser #ilovemybestfriend

  You laughed and sent a quick reply

  (Y/I/H): @theloveofyourlife I’m only smiling because you wouldn’t get the phone out of my face and I have a reputation to maintain.

  Even though the two of you were less than 10 feet from each other, she responded back to you

  @theloveofyourlife commented on her post: Reputation? Yeah right. Baby girl, you’re all smiles. All the time. Which is why I love you 💗💖

  You rolled your eyes and continued going through drawers and cupboards trying to distinguish what was yours and what was Brendan’s; turning off your sound on your phone so you wouldn’t get distracted. A few hours later, you found an old DVD in Brendan’s stuff and decided to play it -- he’d never know. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing when you saw his little baby face light up the screen as he sang Hakuna Matata. Why had he been hiding this from you? It had to be your new most favourite thing in the entire world.

  And the fact that you’d never be able to see it again, see his face now or then, made you break into tears. It was the first time you realized that your relationship was over. Like seriously over.

  “Oh my god, (Y/N), what’s wrong? What happened?” Rebecca said, running to you from down the hall

  “I just ended a four-year relationship…” you whined, noticing Rebecca’s eyebrows scrunch together

  “Yes… that’s why we’re packing up your stuff…” she said slowly

  “Maybe it was a mistake. I love him. I miss him. I can’t live without him.”

  “Snap out of it, Norma Jean…” you gave her a quizzical look

  “Why Norma Jean?”

  “I don’t know, Marilyn was more of a sex-pot and not a drama queen… it doesn’t matter. Stop being dramatic is what I was getting at”

  “I’m not being dramatic, I r--”

  “You can’t live without him?”

  “Okay, fine that was a little much. But I do love him and I do miss him. And four years is a long time. We’ve gotten through fights before so why now? Why can’t we work this out now?”

  “Because you ended it. Stop playing with him. You know I’m on your side, I always will be, but Gally is a good guy. If this relationship is over, then let it be over. Don’t try convincing yourself that the break up was a mistake or that the break up sex was make up sex. It’ll only hurt the two of you in the end.”

  “You’re right”

  “I know. Now, let’s keep going before he gets h- back” she stopped herself from saying home, thinking it might trigger you or something and you let out a scoff-laugh telling her you’d be fine. After about 20 minutes of silence, you went to turn on some music when you noticed Brendan had been trying to get a hold of you.

  Missed Call: Brendan

  Missed Call: Brendan

  Voicemail: Brendan

  Missed Call (3): Brendan

  Missed Call (4): Brendan

  Voicemail (2): Brendan

  “It doesn’t look like you’re upset”

  “Rebecca doesn’t seem to think so either”

  “Not if that’s her caption”

  “What are you doing?”

  “What is going on?”

  Missed Call (5): Brendan

  “Answer your phone!”

  “What if something was really wrong?!”

  “(Y/N)!!!”

  Holy shit. He was going insane. He had never really acted like this before, sure a couple fits of jealousy that dissipated almost immediately after they started, nothing like this. It kind of freaked you out. You had to text him back but you didn’t know what to say, so you watched your cursor blink before you typed your thoughts

  “Brendan, I’m sorry. I turned my phone off so I wouldn’t get distracted. I didn’t think you were going to text and call this much. Is anything wrong? Are you okay?” His response was quick and you could tell he had been waiting for your reply

  “Am I okay? No. I’m not okay. I’m trying to give you space to clean out when I see your friend posting stuff about our apartment. With your smiling face, saying that you’re out of a relationship. Or that you’re dying inside. What am I supposed to do with that?”

  “I honestly don’t know how to respond to that. It was one picture. Because that’s how Becks is. It’s what she does. She loves documenting her life on Instagram and I’m part of her life so I’m on there a lot. I’m sorry if it upset you…”

  “Well it did…”

  “Sorry. We haven’t posted anything else. We’ve been busy.”

  “When can I come home?”

  “I don’t know. We’re almost done. Give us like an hour or two. Then everything will be packed and I’ll schedule a U-Haul or something tomorrow.” That was it. That was all he wanted. Just to know when he could come home. It broke your heart even more but at least you know now you were making the right decision. You let out a long, drawn out sigh and called Rebecca back into the room but when she came out, you were speechless at what she was holding

  “What is this?” Rebecca asked holding a copy of the Notebook that Brendan had given to you as a gag gift for the first Valentine’s Day you two had celebrated, “Is this you and Brendan on the cover?”

  “Yeah,” you smiled, remembering when he gave it to you, “he said he wanted us to be part of the movie so he glued our faces onto Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams.” You grabbed the movie from Rebecca and looked at the peeling pictures of you and Brendan, revealing the actors behind, and you wandered over to the couch.

  “That’s so sweet!!” she cooed

  “It really was. He loved doing things like that. Always surprised me. He gave me this and we laughed for like 20 minutes. Then we curled up on the couch and watched the movie,” a small tear left your eye and Rebecca came over to rub your shoulder, “I don’t know what changed. Or why it changed. Or how it changed. We loved each other so much and it’s turned into this weird, tense, break up thing…”

  “Well you did break up..” Rebecca said, slowly sitting down beside you

  “I know but he was so mature the first time,” you said wiping away some of the wetness on your face, “like before the break up sex. And now he’s texting me non-stop asking when he’ll be able to come home. Getting mad at me for posting pictures of us packing stuff up. For smiling. I know he’s in pain, so am I, but his reactions just make me think that it was the right thing to do. To end it…”

  “I believe you two will get back together,” she smirked, “you know what they say, ‘if you love something let it go. If it comes back it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.’ You two are the most adorable couple I’ve ever seen and you do love each other, that much I know. So I think this is just a speed bump.” She glanced at her phone quickly and said she had to take off because she didn’t realize how late it had gotten and she had some Tinder date lined up and then there you were, alone in the place you had called home for four years with no plan on what to do next.

  “Well, I guess it’s just the three of us, Gosling, McAdams…” you said to the images on the cover of the movie, “shall we?” You got up to put the movie in the DVD system, knowing full well it was on Netflix, but this had a special message on it that you wanted to see one last time.

  “(Y/N). My baby bird. I love you and I can’t imagine a second of not being with you. You are the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me and though our relationship may not be as… dramatic as Noah and Allie’s, it’s just as big. Remember, always, if you’re a bird, I’m a bird.”

  His voice was so much softer then. All the fighting between the two of you and the lousy seasons with the team had made his voice grow dark and rough which you hadn’t even realized until watching his message. For weeks after he gave you that DIY’d copy of the Notebook, your conversations all had some kind of quote from the movie in it and sometimes they worked so well into conversations other times they were very very forced; but it was fun to laugh with him like that. So effortlessly. You started the movie, crying and laughing, repeating or mouthing the words to yourself every once in a while. You got up near the end of the movie to get more tissues -- you’d used all of the ones near you from all your crying; you heard Ryan Gosling fight with Rachel McAdams as you came back into the room when you noticed the door was open. You went over to shut it, the movie still playing in the background, and furrowed your brow; nervousness now filling your body. That’s when you saw him. When he saw you he started reciting the lines that were playing as if it would change things.

  “It’s not gonna be easy, it’s gonna be really hard,”

  “Brendan” you tried stopping him but he spoke over you

  “And we’re gonna have to work at this everyday but I wanna do that because I. want. you. I want all of you, forever, you and me everyday.” As the movie continued playing, you stood in front of Brendan, tears falling down your cheeks and you couldn’t tell if it was from the movie or from him

  “Brendan…” you said softly, standing still

  “Don’t leave. Don’t end this. Don’t give up because we couldn’t get past some fighting. Relationships are hard baby, they take work,” he gestured to the screen at the fighting lovebirds, “but if it’s meant to be then it works itself out, right?”

  “Brendan, our relationship isn’t a movie. Nicholas Sparks didn’t write our love story.”

  “No, he didn’t. We did. And we can keep writing it. We can choose to fight for each other again”

  “Stop. Please. Stop,” you begged, tears falling down your face more and more with each word, “don’t do this. To me. To you. Deep down, you know that this is what’s best. It’s going to be hard, when I leave, but after a month or so you won’t even notice. You’ll have your life back, you’ll be m--”

  “I’ll have my life back?” he questioned, stopping you in your tracks, “no. you’re my life. You’ll be gone which means I won’t have my life. I’ll have an empty apartment that I won’t ever want to come back to. I won’t be more focused, which I know is what you’re going to say next, if anything I’ll be the worst thing for the team. I don’t want the life I had before you because I don’t even remember what that looks like. You. You are the only thing I want. I do. I want you, all of you, forever.” With each word, he took a small step toward you, almost like he was approaching a rabbit or a deer; careful not to scare you.

  “Tell me you don’t love me” he said when he finally got to you, his thumbs grazing your lips

  “What?” you looked up at him shyly

  “Tell me you don’t love me and I will let you go.” Your eyes darted between his for a few seconds before your brain could even register what he was saying and you didn’t know what to say. When he started to take your silence as permission to stay, he leaned forward to press a kiss to your lips, capturing you long enough to forget everything that you’d reasoned in your head was why you were leaving. His hands started to trail down your neck and further still down your body and you finally stopped him. You didn’t want to say it but you had to.

  “Stop, Brendan, we can’t do this…”

  “Of course we can,” he smiled against your neck, “we’ve done it before.” You whined, squeezing your eyes tightly before you finally said the words he never thought you’d say

  “I don’t love you”

  His lips left your skin but his hands hovered a few seconds longer before he stepped away from you. The look on his face was confused, hurt and angry. You loved him, you knew he knew that, but the two of you needed to let each other go and if four words were going to do that then you’d say them.

  No matter how much it broke your heart to do it.