#even though its expensive and im unsure

[explorations-in-judaism]

My interest in Judaism was recently resparked by a conversation with my girlfriend. She is a devout catholic considering converting to Islam. Her reason: she believes in the teachings of Mohammed and has been drawn to it for years.

I told her I had the same prolonged interest in Judaism but worried it wasn't enough to convert. She asked me what would be

I'm trying to find the answer but there's just so much confusion. I don't know if I believe in Gd and it's scary to grapple with how this would change my family. Judaism fills my thoughts

[broke-on-books]

😍😍😍

[monicahar]

scaramouche is a weird boyfriend.

gn! reader, fluff, reader's a bit oblivious and stupid here with tsun tsun kuni. this is heavily inspired by ch. 81 of horimiya but idk what i wrote...im really thinking of a part 2 in his pov of what HE thinks of you this time.

you liked to think your understood the oh-so mighty balladeer better than most people.

with the big n' bad harbinger image that he's carrying around, it's unfathomably impossible to fully get to know him. it's one of the many advantages you like to use—using your reputation as his famed partner for life to get out of missions and errands you dislike.

it takes quite a toll on your paycheck, but who cares when your boyfriend is rich as hell? though you probably have to risk your entire existence when asking for something from him that's a tad bit expensive—but eh, everything has to come with a price, as they say.

but basically, moral of the story; you know your boyfriend pretty well. easy to piss off, really handsome, all bark and no bite (when it solely comes to you. it obviously isn't the same for your unfortunate fellow co-workers.) also unbelievably wealthy, and most importantly—loves you very very much. (he'd sooner slit his throat and dive off a cliff than to outwardly admit it though! he's just that shy! silly him 😜)

yet even though you've memorized and jotted down every aspect of his personality, there are still times you don't get your boyfriend.

though you liked to brag about knowing how he works, you truthfully don't understand enough of his mind's inner workings to be able to comprehend when he does something that throws all your confidence of knowing him out the window.

relatively enough, a good example of this statement is happening before your very eyes right now.

“stop moving, will you?”

hmm, for someone you often associated with a feral cat when it comes to physical contact and affection, he's being rather clingy at the moment. you aren't sure of what to do with your hands, pathetically enough. you fear he might cut off your limbs should you reciprocate...whatever he's doing right now.

unmoving upon the weight nestled in the crook of your neck, you struggle to formulate proper words and thoughts as your hands are awkwardly flailing in the air, not sure if this once in a blue moon display of affection he's giving is a way to non-verbally relay that he wants attention or whatnot...

usually when he wants attention, he'd just pick one of the idiotic things you did today and berate you for it. though it's a weird way of asking for cuddles, you still both end up in each other's arms by the end of the day.

he's not even hugging you or anything, arms hanging by his side as he leans his head on your shoulder, face buried in your neck with his hairtips gently tickle your skin.

unsure of what to do, you just, stand there.

the silence is loud for you, but you're not sure if the same goes for him. the ticking of the clock is a telltale sign that it's been a few minutes or so with him burying his face into your neck like a chick huddling for warmth and protection under its mother's wings, and unfortunately, as nice as it feels for him to initiate contact by himself, your shoulder is horribly getting sore.

“kun—”

before you could even say his full nickname, his head suddenly shoots up, a blank expression painted on his fair face as he stares at the way your eyes blink confusedly.

“i have work to do.” he mutters to himself dazedly, skillfully ignoring the way you tilt your head as if asking him to explain what the hell is up before turning on his heel and making a beeline back to his office, the chime bells of his seemingly mocking you from his lack of provided excuses.

what the...

rolling your shoulders to ease the pain and pressure it gradually collected while supporting the weight of his head, you could only stare down the halls in bewilderment as you're attempting to process what happened just now.

another example of an interspecies act he did also just happened recently.

barging into his office is an almost daily occurrence, proudly walking in with your chin held up high while preparing yourself to rant about your entire day to your busy harbinger boyfriend.

cutely dismissing the fact he always calls you a massive headache for talking his ear out while he's working, you still yap on and on about your uneventful day to him, whether it'd be about some boring lunch with some birds, or an almost death experience to the hands of a mitachurl.

he never openly reacts to your daily shenanigans, only a few eye twitches or deep sighs when you say something particularly disappointing or unamusing which, on the positive side, means he's listening! full and well!

you were prepared for a flurry of insults to be hauled your way the moment you utter that you disgracefully and inconveniently tripped on your way to delivering documents to the doctor, falling face first right at the second harbinger's feet.

you always noticed he seemed a lot more bitter than usual when you mention any of the harbingers, so you kinda expected him to just full blow yell at you when you account this little funny story today of what happened with the doctor.

your eyes nearly fell out of its sockets when he didn't call you stupid or dumb, or an idiot, or whatever demeaning word he has to call you, and instead finally looked up from his desk to frown at you, finally speaking up since the last hour of your nonstop talking.

“did he do anything to you?”

...you've talked about almost dying to a damned humongous chicken on one of your expeditions to sumeru, and this is the topic that catches his immediate worry first and foremost?

it was just a silly prank you pulled out of boredom, wanting to see a reaction from one of the most powerful harbingers! nothing even happened! the doctor just dismissed you with a maniacal laugh, albeit a bit creepy, but he still helped you up!

“he what?”

the lamp on his desk flickers, the electricity around the room becoming more apparent by the second.

were you not supposed to interact with il dottore...?

“forget i said anything...”

gently setting down his quill, he folds his fingers underneath his chin to look at you whilst feigning a rather unsettling smile, an obvious ploy. “oh, no, no. continue.” he nudges in a sing-song tone.

ugh, he's only somehow paying attention to your rant when it's about different people! but doesn't even budge an inch when you say that you've beaten an oni before in a ramen contest. do you know how much of a great feat that is?! he was absolutely destroyed! a product of your successful gluttonous self! that silly yokai never stood a chance!

he glowers at you from his desk. “it's a he as well?”

you knew you had to change the subject fast if the amount of anger seeping from his small being was anything to tell by. “uhh, there was a pink haired lady with us too! she kept flirting with me though, so she didn't really participate in the contest. a huge bummer really, i wanted more opponents!”

—a beat of silence, before the lamp flickers shortly once more.

“she what?”

uhhhh, why is he still angry?

yet another strange phenomenon ensued when he quietly approached you with his chime bells following closely during your training on one sunny day, silently watching you from the sidelines as you fire arrows consecutively at the target multiple feet ahead before you.

rendering all your focus on the target before you, you pull back the string with a certain amount of force and stability—dismissing his presence in the meantime whilst you zero in on the sole red dot in your vision.

whatever has got him burning his stare at your side profile can wait on hold.

huffing to yourself in satisfactory when the arrow's tip diligently digs into the painted wood right at the center of your target, you finally face your scrumptious little gremlin of a lover, unable to stomach the tenacious silence any longer.

“what's up—”

“do you hate me?”

“...?”

good grief. not a good morning, nor a hello, nor some type of greeting he usually accompanies with a venomous insult—but a single question whereas he questions your loyalty and devotion to him as your romantic partner.

you tolerating his entire intolerable existence is already enough of a telltale sign that you like him a smidge lot more than he thinks, right?

you bite down the rude thought in your mouth as you strain a smile towards his direction, confusion still apparent on why he's suddenly asked your opinion of him.

“did you hit your head today, by any chance?” ignoring the glare you're recieving upon the small comment you uttered, you put your bow down on a nearby surface as you worriedly step up to meet his gaze properly. “why are you asking such a question?”

“...”

him being a mouthful is something you don't entirely mind no matter how many people berate you for not finding him annoying in any aspect, but him being so unnervingly silent like this is just plain scary.

you think you're about to melt into a puddle with how intense he gazes at you with his beautiful indigo pools, threatening to consume you whole as he openly ponders about your words.

“so you love me? since you seem to find discomfort in my question?”

“yes...?” you immediately retort as you raise a brow. what's up with him today? he always prided in himself about the love you continuously offer without hesitation, so why is he like this all of a sudden?

“i love you a lot. a heck ton.” you blurt out nothing but truth, “i badly wanna kiss you right now, but i know you don't like it in public so i'm keeping down low.”

he finally peels his gaze off of your face to look at the ground, before flickering up to you once again with an unsure frown, eyeing you weirdly on your shameless confession.

“...okay. that's good.” he replies as his face contorts into a more neutral expression, his voice unnaturally soft and airy. you barely hear him mutter something else under his breath before he swivels around and leaves the training grounds—stunning you greatly on what just transpired.

you always knew he was uh...a bit emotionally detached and all that, but having to question the affection you hold just for him? isn't the fact that you're willing to lick under anyone's boot just to simply talk to him not enough confirmation?

not knowing what to do in this situation, you simply just watch as he slowly escapes your line of sight, observant eyes not missing the slight bounce in his steps.

he's happy, it seems. you giggle to your self at the adorable sight. perhaps you should chase after him and kiss him silly.

from what you've heard, other people's lovers would normally be a lot more nicer and considerate when it comes to their significant others, but that obviously isn't the case with your unique partner.

needless to say, he is a really strange boyfriend. too puzzling for your pretty little brain to fully wrap around yet an enigma you truly couldn't get enough of—fortunately or unfortunately? whatever.

scaramouche is a walking and living contradiction—inconceivably difficult to predict.

he hogs all the blankets at night when you sleep together yet gets mad at you when you catch a cold the next morning,

thinks your cooking is an abominable atrocity yet still consumes them religiously like he currently isn't getting food poisoning,

always makes it his priority to call you 'unsightly' or whatever, only to lightly bonk your head when you actually agree and sulk to yourself about it,

often voices his protest against your kisses and huggie wuggies as you've called them, yet doesn't fight back when you forcibly wrap your arms around him after finally getting enough of his stubbornness,

intensely glares at every person that comes within a two feet radius of your 'personal space', and if you bother to ask him what's wrong—he'd direct his glaring at you as well for some reason,

he refuses to lend you his precious hat every single time when you ask to borrow it, yet shoves it unceremoniously against your face to hide his burning visage from your sight after a particularly flirtatious comment you slipped in,

never verbally returns your 'i love you's during the day, yet he constantly whispers it to you like a mantra when he thinks you're asleep. (does he not want you to know he loves you or something...? anyway let's just pretend not to hear him for his sake.)

scaramouche is a weird boyfriend indeed, but he's yours and yours only. a constant in your life that you'd never give up for the world.

no matter how you look at it, the list seems endless—ceaselessly an infinite of contradictions and complexity carried on his person. he truly lives up to his eccentric title, a strange person indeed...

—but despite him being his grumpy self 24/7, you still find him entertaining and all the more endearing.

whichever person threatened to take him away from you would have to face your gluttonous wrath.

(he looks at you weirdly when you proudly exclaim you'd eat even the gods should they ever lay a hand on him.)

atm i am hungry and i want borgir :( this starved stomach of mine might've slightly influenced how i portrayed reader

[bunnycat4]

hobby ideas!

these are some fun ideas of things to do. I would like to do a little reminder at the beginning that if you want to start doing anything, or want to try something, that it doesn't mean you have to like it. you are allowed to try to pick up a hobby, but then decide it's not for you, and you don't want to do it anymore. then you can drop it! that's all cool! and that, it's something I often find, that if I'm not as good at something as people I see, I feel as though I don't deserve to do it- if that makes sense. [I think it's called imposter syndrome. unsure.] but that's not true! and we have to remind ourselves that something we do for fun needn't carry any pressure to it. there is no need to get to a certain level or certain achievement in anything if you don't want to. there aren't rules to enjoying anything! so, if you're bored or want something to do. I make a list of potential

the list starts with things I do, and then I will go through activities I may not actively participate in

of course the first thing I will say is beading. I love beading and if you don't get too excessive with it, it can be quite cheap. I use pony beads, and I like elastic string, but it isn't a necessity. you can get supplies at most dollar shops or art stores I would say. beading is my main interest/hobby, so if you have any questions I am. very enthusiastic and open :]]

review writing is also something you can do. I do it in a notebook or in Google Keep or the Notes app, but I think you can do that anywhere really. you can watch movies or shows or read books and review them on what you think, even analyse it a little if you want. or you can review products if you want. I think it's fun to do, and I pretend I'm telling someone or putting it in the newspaper.

you can also do other types of writing, like poetry or story writing. fanfiction is always an option. vignettes are also a pretty easy thing to do i think. fake news articles. honestly you can write about anything.

origami. im not the best at origami, i can only fold really simple things but all you'd need is paper. If you want to be fancy you can get patterned origami paper in different sizes, but otherwise you can cut anything into a square and fold stuff

fanart forever ✨ i draw a lot of fanart when i cant think of any original stuff to draw. just draw little guys a lot. i find it fun to imagine animal characters as more humanoid.

playing games, either board/card games [i am a board game and card game enthusiast, i would love to talk about them] or online games. it's a fun thing to do and you can get your friends/family involved, or not.

trying recipes is also a fun thing to do. I am notoriously a bad cook but that does not stop me :D I like to try recipes from magazines. This may be a more costly thing to do, check what you have in your cupboard. if you like your neighbours enough you can give them things you make to get on their good side

experiment with makeup. with a cheap eyeliner you can do quite a lot of funky things. try out different styles and shapes, follow tutorials, copy references, etc. if you have sensitive skin you may have to be choosy with what products you buy, and it may take a while to find something that doesn't irritate you. also, would recommend using makeup remover before you go to bed, or whenever you want to take it off

doing your nails. this is another expensive one, i think. nail polish costs a fair bit if you want to get different colours, but its a fun thing to do if your bored. im not sure if the chemicals in nail polish actually matters so i cannot advise on that, but i usually pick up a bottle from the health food store whenever im there.

paint anything. you could paint pictures or buy those things from art stores or bunnings that you can paint. I like painting coasters. you could also paint bottle caps and stick safety pins on the back to make little badges

make/decorate hair clips/pins/headbands. These things are pretty cheap i think, and you might be likely to have some lying around in your home. decorate by sticking stuff on them, like little toys or beads and other things you find

clay. im unsure about the actual price of clay. but you can do quite a few things with it. you can buy airdrying clay from department stores, it takes a couple of days to dry in my experience

loom bands. they are selling them again and they are pretty easy to do. you can spend days on end making them. there are many possibilities

knitting or crocheting. I can actually only french knit but i am learning to crochet. wool 👍 and whatever tools you need

journalling. I'm not sure if that counts as a hobby but i think its good. there are a few different types of journalling and you can find prompts. i have some journalling stuff from my therapist [you do not need to be mentally ill to journal. to clarify.] which i can share if anyone wants? but its fun to talk to yourself and feel more useful for it. just talk about anything

ah, another jewellery making thing. i should have organised this list better. I might redo it later. but you can make woven friendship bracelets by tying little knots and stuff in embroidery thread

you could also do embroidery with said embroidery thread. I dont really remember how to do it anymore but i could ask my friends. Yeah.

paper filigree. I tried this one time and never finished it. probably start by buying a kit. it looks pretty cool

customising clothes, if you have clothes you want to do that with. You could embroider on them or sew little cutouts of fabric on. tie-dye is also something you can do. unsure of how expensive that is.

making pom-poms! you can make them out of wool and a fork and scissors. also stick googly eyes on them to make lil soot sprites :33 which is cute. and hang them on your bags maybe

collaging, maybe. Cut up magazines and stuff, and glue

does going on walks count as a hobby? sometimes i do that when im bored. just walk to a park or a trainstation or anything nearby, or just in a circle. and talk to myself or listen to music or make up stuff about the houses around me, maybe talk to dogs/neighbours.

make flower crowns or clover crowns

make playlists! making playlists is really easy and you can make them for pretty much anything. i make playlists for incredibly specific situations and also for every month of every year. Its a greaaat way to keep track of your mental state as time goes on and ensure you dont get bored of your music. since you'll have loads of playlists. You can also make character playlists and oc playlists and playlists for everyone you know that you'd never show to them.

joining a club is definitely not a hobby but is something you can do for fun. and you get to talk to people which i know gives me a sense of achievement. and you can always drop out after one day 👍

make edits of characters, if that makes sense. like, play songs behind them and cover them in sparkles or something

colouring in, that's a good thing if you dont want to draw. you can buy a colouring book or download and print off of the internet. there are a lot of options in colouring in

gardening as well. you dont necessarily have to plant stuff, you could just weed your garden or pick flowers and put them on your dining table. or you could look after a succulent

do courses on random topics. again, may not be a hobby. but there are places you can do courses for free

reorganising things like your bookshelf, your furniture, your wall, your cupboards

on that topic, decorating your home is also something you can do! Stick things on your walls, line up things you collect. it has the benefit of making you feel more at home and express yourself. I find it calming

sewing stuff. I think this is also more costly if you want to buy patterns. buttt idk.

birdwatching or animal watching in general. you could list what you see or just observe, or even sketch/draw the creatures you find interesting or cool

is plantwatching a word? probably not. but you could walk around and see what little plants you see. and you could get little bits of plants you like and stick them in your journal or press them. you could even keep a plant journal.

nature photography, or photography in general. you could get fancy and use a fancy camera, or really just your phone is surely fine

you could make films maybe. I think that it wouldn't be too difficult to get supplies for that

that's all I've thought of for now! I might add more later, or feel free to add on if you have more ideas! remember that whatever you do, make sure to take breaks every now and again, drink water, eat, go to the bathroom, etc :))

tagging @sleepy-vix because she wanted to be tagged

[wulfums]

What are Whatwulf’s thoughts on Charlie!! I think you mentioned they hang out sometimes? What’s that like?

(Anyone can send me other Smiling Friends characters to talk abt Whatwulf w. teehee)

Yeah, they're friends! They knew each other before Whatwulf knew Allan, but after Whatwulf was besties w Mr Boss, timeline wise

(The order he knew people was Grim + Gnarly(College) -> Mr Boss -> Glep and Marge -> Charlie -> Allan -> Pim )

Whatwulf and Charlie met like, half a year before Whatwulf started dating Allan. They met at the bar at Spaghetti Disco- they were forced to sit next to each other due to it being very busy there.

Whatwulf struck up a convo with Charlie about the place and how expensive it is. Here is how that went

Charlie: "Oh my god RIGHT? Like, what do you mean a mixed drink is $20?"

Whatwulf: "RIGHT!!! And I think they reheat their spaghetti, personally. Spaghetti is supposed to be cheap not $30!"

Charlie: "And they don't even give you breadsticks like Olive Garden- at least for their prices they give you the breadsticks. This place doesn't even do that. Man I wish they had breadsticks."

Whatwulf: Honestly, I only started coming here to eat after the old Salty's closed.

Both of them at once: I used to go there all the time as a homonculus/pup

So they bond over talking about the nostalgia of the old outdoor Salty's playground and the amount of times they both got injured there, and it kind of goes from there! They start hanging out weekly. Charlie never mentions where he works or who he works with the whole time and Whatwulf finds out by chance when he makes a delivery to the office- Whatwulf is excited to find out Glep works there too.

Next time Charlie and Whatwulf hang out, it's at Whatwulf's place. Charlie was like "I mean we could have hung out at my place but, you know, the centipedes." and would not elaborate further.

Whatwulf loves to ask questions about Charlie's work. At this point in the timeline it would have been a day or two past Shrimp's Odyssey.

They start watching some movies together that they're both nostalgic about and shoot the shit. Whatwulf ends up asking, "Hey, your coworker is hot. Do you know if he's single...?" And Charlie assumes Whatwulf is talking about Pim and is like ".....Im sorry are you talking about Pim?" While laughing a bit and Whatwulf is like "Uhh the red one. I don't really know his name." And Charlie is like "You know what? I have no idea. I actually don't even know what he DOES outside of work. I think he only likes girls though, sorry man." and Whatwulf is like "Yeah, I don't think Id pursue it anyways." and shrugs and they continue with their movie night.

Charlie is absolutey baffled to find out that Whatwulf and Mr Boss know each other well and call each other Bestie. He finds this out way before Whatwulf met Allan and Pim briefly on the delivery run. Whatwulf explains that they met at Pride years and years ago, and Charlie is like "Aw man, that's awesome. You know Meep City kinda sucks- but we do have a pretty good pride event."

Half a year later, When Allan says he's unsure if Whatwulf even LIKES men, Charlie is the one whose like "Are you fucking kidding me right now. I knew that before I even talked to him." and him and Glep are the ones who convince him to, you know, just talk to the guy. They both reassure him that Whatwulf is really chill, and Charlie is like "He's into you anyways." even though he prommyd to Whatwulf he wouldnt tell, but you know, its important this time.

After Allan and Whatwulf start dating, Charlie and Whatwulf keep up their Late Night Hangouts, though now Charlie is talking about his weird adventures with Pim more and more. This is after the Halloween episode but before Charlie Dies And Never Comes Back. Whatwulf was at the funeral he was just offscreen.

I think Charlie and Whatwulf start hanging out a bit less once Whatwulf moves in with Allan, but they try to hang out a couple times a month, even if it's shorter than before. But they still are good friends and stay good friends.

[chocottang]

Oh yeah I thought I'd ask: you said all the shadows are humans in that AU, with Jay being Joy's sister I believe? And of course Gold being Golden's grandpa's kid. So do you have ideas for the other shadows, like Fred, shadow Fox and shadow Cami? :0

hiii!!! yea! jay is joy's younger sister (for a year) and yeah!! i do have some ideas for the other shadows, but its a work in progress hehe

the one ive thought about more (besides gold and jay) is shadow fox!! (i.. have to think for names for them... even gold needs a different name lmao). he's fox and meg's cousin and he's an assholeeeeeee, so him and jay are close friends lmao they're kind of bullies but not to such an extreme degree. they're the kind of kids who will sideye you and make a joke at your expense once and then forget you exist. anyway, he meets gold through jay and he wants to date him. im still unsure if he genuinely has a crush on him or if he wants to get the family money lmao. he didn't even try with golden because jay would've killed him, because she has a one sided rivalry with golden where she wants to become more famous and successful than him, while golden thinks jay is too immature to handle a big following.

fox and s.fox have a baddddd relationship. the idea is that when meg and fox's parents died and their house burnt down, instead of going to the orphanage they moved in with their uncle and aunt. s.fox's parents are assholes. they didn't have a good relationship with meg and fox's parents in life, so they didn't want to take them in. they constantly complain about how they cant maintain 2 kids more, and blow up at the smallest mistakes or not-the-best attitude. s.fox took into this behaviour too, he was frustrated that he didnt have an escape from his parents anymore, and was now exposed to their verbal abuse all the time. but now that it was directed at meg and fox, s.fox was basically manipulated into believing that fox and meg are useless assholes. and when he heard that fox felt guilty for the accident he took that as admission of guilt. all of that + the fact he was frustrated and sad about his uncle and aunt dying made it so he became and asshole to the siblings, mostly fox. and he jsut grew up like that.

ok that was a lot uhh hes not an asshole to gold though he really likes the guy. he's constantly fluttering around him and hugging him and being all friendly and flirty and stuff, so cami HATESSS his ass lmao she gets pretty jealous. gold is not a big fan of s.fox hugging him or flirting and stuff but since he's a pushover he doesn't really say anything more than "stop 😐" and if he doesn't (which he usually doesn't bc, again, an asshole) he just deals with it. otherwise he thinks he's ok (gold doesn't know the whole drama between s.fox and fox, since fox avoids s.fox at all costs). anyways i have a sketch idea of his design

anyways. fred. freddy and him are twins! they get along fine, sometimes bother each other, usual siblings stuff. fred is part of the animatronics as the second voice and freddy plays the guitar. but fred realllyyyy wants freddy to also sing a little and have more presence on stage so he can get over his stage fright and general aversion to being seen. so whenever golden can't be around due to work he will be extremely happy because 1. he will be the main singer 2. he can force freddy to be his backup singer. so fred likes gold enough, because he takes golden away lmao. fred doesnt dislike golden or anything, maybe he's a little jealous but not so much that he hates him, he just sees him as a rock on his way to being the protagonist (and dragging freddy along). gold doesn't really like fred, because he has this weird attitude towards golden. gold has no strong feelings towards freddy, chica or fox tho, they seem ok.

as of shadow cami, i actually haven't thought of anything for her. I'm not even sure if I'll add her, since she was such a minor shadow. but maybe i will add her as a minor character, i thought perhaps cami's little sister, like 12 years old, because i like to think that shadow cami has a similar personality to cami when she was little, because she holds all that trauma, so i tend to think of her as smaller.

i also dont think ill include the fhsz3r0 shadows, like shadow bonnie and chica, because i dont want to have too many new characters, and since they probably wont interact with gold, who is the protagonist, idk if its worth it. but ill see!! i still have to expand the worlddddd

and i think thats all! thank u for the ask beloved mutual!!!! mwa

[wondero28]

Beach Day w/ 4*Town

My first ever request! It still means so much to me, i hate that i can’t link to the original ask

————

Also i uh- I don’t really go to the beach often?? I hope these trips are ok?? I dont think I’ve been to a beach maybe 5 times. Some of these run a little long though- im sorry-

————

Robaire

- Robaire going to the beach seems like an innocent trip- but its quickly something that’ll turn into him trying to show off to you & make the most romantic possible trip

- Even if going to the beach was a spur-of-the-moment choice he’s already thinking of ways to make you smile and laugh at the beach. If its a planned trip then he’s going to work up so many romantic & cheesy displays

- He doesn’t spend much time shopping for the occasion, he’s mostly good to go regardless

- He wears simple green swim trunks & has a muscular body! He’s not ripped or anything- but Robaire works out & it shows so enjoy the eye-candy on the beach trip

- You both visit a beach that sits behind an expensive hotel & is somewhat private because of that. Robaire doesn’t really disguise himself but fortunately he doesn’t really need to since the beach is never too busy

- When you both actually get to the beach, Robaire is going to follow you around & let you have plenty of fun before trying anything too romantic. The first thing he’s going to WANT to do though- is just swim around in the more shallow water & play around with you. He see’s it as a good excuse to hug & give playful kisses (and if given the chance will absolutely smother you with affection). But if you both swim & his foot gets touched by a fish or washed up kelp??? The man is screaming like a gull & flopping over in a panic

- His real goal for y’all’s trip though?? To have a nice little dinner on the beach towels and just enjoy one another’s company. He brought a lot of your favorite snacks & a tiny radio to play music while you both rested & ate. He’s going to use the little dinner date to get close to you & compliment you on just about anything. And he does! It’s honestly super romantic until a seagull tries to steal some of his food- you’ve never seen Robaire flinch so hard (or watched anyone try to punch a bird before)

- Ultimately its a very fun trip, you come back tired but feeling loved from all his cheesy antics. If the other guys are there- he most certainly gave them death glares & explained prior to not interrupt his day w/ you

- Aaron Z & Aaron T definitely interrupted the both of you regardless because: A. rivalry & B. T screams so fucking loud its unsure of whether he’s dying to a shark or loosing at a game of beach ball

————

Jesse

- I’m not saying he’s gonna make it a big deal- but he’s gonna make it a big deal

- No seriously Jesse treats y’all’s trip to the beach like y’all are preparing to fight a god. He’ll take you out shopping to get some new swim/beach clothes, new towels, sunscreen, a nice umbrella & cooler etc etc. its a fun day honestly, he makes it into a fun lil date for y’all

- the entire time you guys prep for the trip Jesse is absolutely ecstatic. He loves time like this with you and is hyped about getting to show off his body & new swim trunks

- Speaking of his beach body & beach wear- Jesse is a thick guy. Not necessarily got any pudge but he’s not a super masculine or thin guy. And he bought the most tacky ass Hawaiian floral swim trunks. If you tried to convince him to buy otherwise he’d be dramatic & fake upset, if you joined him in wearing tacky shit?? He’s grinning ear to ear

- You both attend a normal beach, probably later in the day so its less busy. He has sunglasses on & his hair up in a tiny ponytail to avoid being noticed or bothered (which works ridiculously well like ??? Wtf ??? How??)

- When y’all are actually at the beach, Jesse had hopes to try a lot of various activities but in all reality he just ends up lounging around and following you. He’s willing to try just about anything with you but if its left up to him, the both of you are going to snuggle up on a towel & probably lazily float around in the waves a bit later

- He compliments your beach clothes & flirts with you endlessly. It ranges from him telling you how much he loves how you look in the sunny rays to him using bad pick-up lines on you (like y’all Arent already dating 😒)

- His favorite part of the day is honestly probably going to swim in shallow water with you because he just wants to hold you close to him & be your floaty. It doesn’t matter if you’re bigger or smaller then him in any way- the man is insistent that he holds you and lets you relax in his arms while y’all swim around

- Later in the trip Jesse will 100% serenade you while yall are relaxing. He presents to you: a bag of chips and a little paper plate of food from one of the shops on the beach✨. You didn’t expect it to be as good as it was- you both promise each other you’ll need to visit the shop again. But oh? OH! He also got you a gift! While you’re eating Jesse pulls out a pretty little bead necklace with a shark tooth that he snagged from one of the beach shops

- “So you don’t forget about our first beach date!” He cooes, he’ll put it on you & says he doesn’t really expect you to wear it all that often but that he hopes you enjoy it regardless (if you wear it often after the trip- Jesse is filled with so much pride & joy)

- Ultimately its a very chill trip. Its full of a lot of kisses & loving touches, you both have fun (unless the rest of the band is there- then it’s probably a nice trip + a lot of hoots & hollers from the boys WHICH HE IGNORED SURPRISINGLY WELL?)

————

Tae Young

- Going to the beach with Tae? I think you mean bird watching & animal hunting

- Not animal hunting as in like- hurting them. But animal hunting as in Tae wants to find a lot of different beach animals & get pictures of them

- Going to the beach with Tae Young was probably a spur-of-the-moment type trip so the two of you are wildly under prepared & probably visit a very public/busy beach. You both likely buy snacks & drinks from random shops set up along the beach, he’ll buy you both matching bracelets that have tiny animal charms in them. He also feed you freshly made goodies from random shops & makes sure you’re never too thirsty or hot on the beach! He’s a sickeningly sweet significant other >:0!!

- He tries to keep his identity hidden with a big ass sun hat & glasses- it works but there were 2 really close calls & he almost cried about both of them

- Aside from the hat & shades, Tae Young is sporting some swim trunks, a beach shirt with various tropical animals on it, and some on brand crocs (😎). You dont see much of his beach bod unless you drag him out to swim but he’s not super toned or anything. He’s got a little bit of pudge on his tummy from the snacks he consistently eats but its mostly unnoticed

- Y’alls day consist of what you’d imagine. A LOT of finding animals & getting pictures. You both actually end up staying on the beach well into the night because new animals started to emerge after the sun set. You guys see sea gulls, 1-2 pelicans, a lot of tiny hermit crabs, various lizards, some random unidentified fish that was hanging out in the shallows, and at night you even saw some moon jellyfish wash up!! Which Tae Young insisted you help him toss back into the water. The entire trip was filled with so many fun animal facts & an ecstatic Tae

- Speaking of the animals- Tae Young was 100% doing what no one should do on the beach. He was feeding the gulls. It was really chaotic but when he got you closer to him & had an arm around you while you both fed & watched the gulls?? It was honestly really sweet. And if you express wanting to try other activities with him he’ll do whatever you want in a heartbeat. He doesn’t want to make the trip about himself or his own fun- he just forgets that not everyone is buck wild for animals sometimes

- Also I didn’t mention prior but Tae Young PROBABLY invited the others. So for most of the day you can expect Aarons T & Z not far off because the both of them are trying to catch the animals they come across (ever seen 2 grown ass men trying to catch a pelican? It ain’t go well)

- Later in the night, Tae Young is going to lay around n cuddle up with you on a few beach towels. The two of you can just stargaze & talk. And honestly i think a lot of today made you both tired so Tae 100% offers to let you nap in his arms for awhile while he just gently rubs your back & peppers your face & hands with kisses

- Ultimately?? Super fun trip. Maybe not the most normal beach day/night but it was a unique adventure for you both. And y’all had the best cuddles and laughs that day

- Also jesse got a video of T being absolutely beaten down & bitten by a pelican. Its viral & the both of you are just standing in the background as Tae young shares a fact about how pelicans are scary because they try & usually do eat anything smaller then them (T cries abt this)

————

Aaron T

- Ok so a trip with Aaron T, is really just a trip with Aaron T + Aaron Z. But a trip with Aaron Z? Is really a trip with Aaron Z + Tae Young. And a trip with Ta- ok you get it. The entire gaggle of boys is there with you guys unless you explicitly tell Aaron T he’s not allowed to invite anyone else

- Whether a beach trip w/ T is spur-of-the-moment or not- he doesn’t prep much. He loves visiting the beach & already had what he needed (or he thinks so at least)

- He dresses up with bright orange swim trunks, some sandals, and a long sleeve swim shirt that hugged onto him very nicely 👀. You didn’t directly see much of his beach bod (though hes willing to show you if you ask *wink* *wink*) but Aaron T is pretty thick and lean. Not really got a lot of defined muscles but he’s strong

- He takes you & the others to a public beach WITHOUT ANY DISGUISES because he “promises privacy” so naturally until he reveals y’all are actually sneaking over a natural rock wall to a more secluded part of the beach- you’re all awkwardly trying to hide faces & avoid fans. Sneaking over the rock wall seemed so casual for T, honestly no one else really expected to be sneaking anywhere so a few of you fell over & hurt y’all’s asses

- But once over that wall?? The beach was absolutely gorgeous. It was clean & almost completely empty aside from maybe 1-2 groups of surfers who had the same smart idea

- This was one if the few times when T was actually pretty quiet too, while you & him were setting up your own little spot on the beach, he was just calm & at ease. If you ask him about it, he’ll say he’s quiet so he can listen to the waves. Turns out our lovable and energetic boy is immensely relaxed by the sounds on a beach. Its cute really, you caught him sitting in the sand with his eyes closed just listening to everything around him. This kind of threw the other guys for a loop but you knew better

- Now if its up to T, the two of you are going to do surfing or boogie boarding. He will 100% use this as an excuse to wrap his arms around you (or be wrapped up in your arms) and be close to you while he explains how to use the board. If you’re not a particularly strong swimmer? You both boogie board & he will be close by. Anytime you fall or wipeout he’s laughing & cheering! Giving you kisses & hugs after every try

- If you both actually go surfing (cause yes he got a board appropriate for you & your size) the both of you are going into get a bit of friendly competition between you, T, and Z. And hey! Who knew? Aaron T is ridiculously good at surfing! And he’s having a ridiculous amount of fun. You’ve not heard such a strong belly laugh out of him in ages. He tells you outright that he’s super thankful to share this with you- that this was one of his favorite old hobbies he had to leave behind for the band

- If you don’t care much for the water he doesn’t mind at all, he’ll happily sit around with you on the sand. He convinced you & Tae to help him bury Jesse in the sand & then not help the blond out. Also he 100% forgot to bring food so he’s going to climb over the rock wall & come back with food. He brings the both of you some bags of snacks & while it isn’t SUPER romantic- the both of you share some chips & play the pocky game with them. It was goofy & awkward but it was so worth it

- Ultimately? A trip with Aaron T to the beach is filled with a lot of laughter, not even because of jokes. Just because of fun, and that was pleasant

————

Aaron Z

- Unlike T, a trip with Z does not involve him inviting the others. So the both of you actually sneak away from the band one day to have a nice beach date. It was probably planned but- honestly he doesn’t mind being drug out to the beach at random. Not if its just you two

- Speaking of- Aaron Z really cherishes alone time with you, he had an easier time opening up & being more himself. So you can expect him to be more chatty and giddy on this trip then he is normally (its not that he’s uncomfortable around the guys- he just has an easier time being himself when its 1 on 1, and has the most fun being himself around you)

- Z dresses very casually for the occasion, hes wearing a black t shirt with some black swim trunks that have purple accents. He didn’t bother bringing shoes so he buys some crummy flipflops right before y’all head out to the beach (he only trips in the sand 1 time 😎) he intends on taking off the shirt for swimming- and his beach body?? Absolutely beautiful ✨ he has a classic beach bod with some decent muscle definition all over (if you make a comment on it you get to see him grin and blush)

- Also he’s similar to to Robaire if y’all got to plan. He got you both a nice hotel room that was out by a private beach, and you both end up visiting at one of the less busy times

- Beach activities for the day are completely up to you unless you force Z to choose something. So take the day to do whatever you like! He’ll be asking you questions & chattering away. You hear a lot of chuckles and snickers out of him, and he’s regularly keeping his hands on you. But not in a pervy way! He just likes physical contact so he’ll be holding hands, wrapping his arm around you, be sitting close, giving regular cheek and temple kisses etc.

- If you make Z choose the activities for the day, he’s probably going to ask you to go swimming with him & maybe surf if you feel comfortable. He’s not as into surfing as T is but he still likes & wants to show off his skills to you on the board! Ultimately though Z wont really have many ideas. Similarly to Jesse- Z just wants to laze around with you. He just enjoys snuggling up and talking

- If you’re not a huge fan of the water though, you can expect ALL KINDS of stupid little competitions between the two of you. Be it playing a game of beach ball, building a tiny kingdom out of sand, seeing who can find the coolest sea shell or sand dollar, playing tag etc. Z is competitive by spirit & adores watching you try to beat him. And as a bonus?? Winner gets to be peppered with kisses and love

- He definitely let you win a few games just so he could smother you with love & compliments. Its so rare to see him so consistently with a smile, but its what having such a wonderful S/O does to a guy 🥰

- The both of you keep some cool shells & sand dollars to remember the trip. And little do you know but Z has a TON of pictures of you from this trip. Selfies & some secret ones- his home screen is a new picture of the both of you in a selfie with him kissing your cheek

- Overall? A relaxed and pretty playful day at the beach, he probably wasn’t super assertive and thats fine. He was yours the entire time & thats what we care about

[theluxuriansecret]

Diary Entry 9.19.24

Dear Diary,

It's been a good little minute. I will admit I have been through trials and tribulations all of August but I am truly trying to not let it deter me from the things I want from this life. I have no idea what my life will look like in the next 6 months let alone the next 6 months. I'm not going to lie I have been super angry this month. Like fucking pissed the fuck off, as I am typing I can still feel the anger on my heart. But I have plans to fix this. Since I am unable to move out and live on my own, I've decided I will shake the fucking table, not even a subtle rattle actually.

I have been having a hard time with work life balance and somewhere along the way gained 8 whole pounds... LMAO but thats okay I guess my clothes still fit. Work has been kicking my ass and I swear I almost had a fucking breakdown, like I am actually happy I still have my job right now LOL. NO money/business gone, so I guess Im alright. I am just having a hard time managing my emotions, my health, my jealousy, it been tough. I've never really experienced jealousy like this before.. but i think its more so who im jealous of. I just think that I will get what I need when I need it. I am unsure of why I can't have it right now or why I don't need it right now but either way.. it's just not my time clearly.

The time just goes by so fast. I recently realized that I should stop reducing my life to just a weekend and start doing shit after work, but I be so fucking tired Diary!! So tired. I look forward to bed rotting, I do. But I would love to just live instead dedicate 25 years of my life to screen time (socials - not including TV shows/movies) I wish that hobbies and going out wasn't so expensive..

Speaking of expenses I want to take a solo trip to Boston. The weekend I was aiming for is a holiday weekend and I didn't realize it before but the prices were diabolical. Anyway, I'm planning for a different weekend instead of the last week of august (LABOR DAY WEEKEND)

I am going to try to plan out some things I'd like to do for the rest of the year and then try to book some trips for next year. I am really hoping next year can be all the things I wanted this year to be. I just truly put no thought into this year outside of looking for a job, and then I got it and I was like DAMN wasn't expecting that so soon LOL.

I need to start romanticizing my life again. I was looking over memories of last year and though I had my moments, I truly was the happiest I'd ever been and even though I have everything, I am still mildly miserable. Okay I am lying, it's not mild. I am very miserable actually. But I am not a miserable person. I am loving, and kind, and soft hearted, but I have not been acting like it and have begun to lose myself in my misery, especially my home life.

Apart of me wants to go back to being wild and reckless, though reckless I still had a wonderful time and learned a lot. I don't need the recklessness to learn.

So here are some things I need to do in the next 6 months:

Lost 10-15 pounds

Find a doctor

Find a dentist

Book Solo trip to Boston

Plan my little birthday dinner

Have fall events lined up

Choose 5 places to go next year and start planning that

Trying to figure out what masters degree I want / where I want to go for school

Start to visualize anniversary gifts

[slenderfirebolt]

Since im up too late i may as well make a too-long post about my thoughts on meat consumption in its present form. So, while im not completely against eating animals on an ethical level (animals eat eachother in nature, we evolved from animals that ate animals, pretty normal stuff) most of my issues come from our means of meat production and the insane amount of food waste, which while especially bad in the US, i imagine definetly exists everywhere else. the main reason why i was fine with eating meat before is because it feels so wasteful to *not* get the benefits after everything the animal went through. i imagine myself from the perspective of the animal; i am born to be a product, i am fed and watered only so that my flesh may be harvested for consumption by a being beyond my understanding. i may live without ever seeing the sun or feeling the wind... that fucking sucks, obviously evil. So when i consider that the life of so many animals, i feel terrible thinking about how after that, so much of the meat is wasted, left to rot and be thrown away. while it would still be an ethical dillemna even if we *did* consume 100% of the meat produced by factory farms, the fact that we basically make animal grinders to mass-produce living, feeling things and then *chuck most of it in the trash* is utterly unacceptable to me. Factory farming is likely to continue forever, even though we have many alternitaves to meat, plenty of people still eat meat *because* it is from an animal, so that demand will always exist. worse than that, a sudden decrease in demand would lead to *further* food waste, and some meat alternitaves are too expensive for everyone to afford. also, theres a cultural aspect as well, many cultures are very meat-centric or have the raising of animals for meat as a core practice, what right would anyone have to decide that a tradition or practice should end? so if i have so many reasons why its ok to eat meat, why am i deciding to cut back now? it seems like, at least from my perspective, my reasoning is fairly ethically sound. well firstly, its expensive if its anything other than chicken and im a college student, and given the fact ill probably need a *doctorate* and at minimum a master's in my field, any savings is good. Holy fucking shit i hate having to use my teeth to scrape bones free of their meat, also eating tendons is annoying. overally, eating tofu and beans tends to provide me more enjoyment (an important part of good food) than eating most meats. they are more consistent, can have plenty a variety of flavors, and while certainly far from *cheap* depending on brand, the cost/enjoyment/calorie balance, at least for me, is better than meats. easier to cook alternitaves. wont poison you if you cook em wrong. also since its so consistent its fairly predictable, and you dont have to navigate all the bones. to be completely honest, im unsure if ill end up totally ommitting meat products from my diet, since i dont want to waste food thats given to me, and i still want to enjoy the foods i do eat that involve meat, but i think from now on im not going to buy meat as part of groceries, and instead consume the alternitaves. i have already been on track to do this for months, the chicken that inspired this is the first 'meaty' thing i have eaten in ages. If anyone has any particular favorite vegetarian dishes, especially on the cheaper end, lemme know, since im more than open to try them out.

[killerlookz]

could you write patrick w a reader that owns a cat? like him eventually warming up to it and reader being surprised? thank you!

oh my god let me just say THANK YOU for sending me this request holy shit omg. i have been a big proponent of patrick secretly being a cat lover and... this is my whole brand. so im happy to write about this.

also, im writing this in a little of a different style than usual i hope you dont mind!

the first time Patrick ever came over to your apartment horrified wouldn't even be a strong enough word to describe his reaction. "you didn't tell me you had an... animal" he'd scowl. but you would assure him you definitely did tell him that you had a cat, in fact, you were sure that you had mentioned your cat on multiple occasions.

"don't be such a downer Patrick, come on, just say hi, he won't bite." you'd insist, picking up your cat and walking over to Patrick.

But you found stepping even remotely near him with the animal in arms caused Patrick to stiffen up, and he'd shoo you away with a look of utmost disgust on his face.

"I don't want that thing getting hair all over my new Cerruti suit. It was very expensive" Patrick insisted and you knew that there was no use arguing with Patrick about it.

Patrick would do his best to ignore the animal as the two of you sat on the couch together, but your cat seemed to have zero problems with Patrick and did not want to be left out.

It would walk around by your's and Patrick's feet, meowing for either one of your's attention and Patrick would very gently try to push the animal away with his leg if it tried to get too close to him.

"Awww, is Patrick being mean to you?" you'd say to it as you picked it up and put it on your lap and Patrick would scowl down at the tiny furry animal as you ran your hands through its fur. He was acting as if it were the actual spawn of Satan.

As Patrick was leaving he would insist that the two of you would be going to his apartment next time.

You would keep a sense of humor about his reaction, but you honestly found his disapproval of your cat frustrating and even a little immature.

The next time Patrick came over to your place he knew what he was getting into, and he just planned to focus on you, and completely pretend like the cat wasn't there.

He entered your apartment and greeted you with a kiss on the cheek, completely paying no mind to the curious kitty at his feet.

Eventually the two of you were lying in your bed together when you felt a soft dip in the mattress. you smiled as you heard the soft pattering of paws on your comforter.

Looking over though, Patrick was not as charmed.

"Can't you just keep it outside the room. For now?" he asked

"No, that would just upset it"

"It's just a cat."

Patrick would sit up in bed with his arms crossed, mumbling about how an animal has no place on the bed.

Soon the cat found a good spot to lay down, right next to Patrick.

Patrick sat there, stumped, unsure of what to do,

"Go on Patrick, just say hi or something."

Hesitantly Patrick would place a light hand on the cat's back and stroke its fur lightly.

"See, it's not so bad."

"Whatever."

As you and Patrick continued to go out, he would eventually become more and more acquainted with your cat. They were, by no means, best friends. But he could eventually stand sharing the bed or couch with it.

Despite Patrick still not loving the idea of your cat, you were just glad that he finally stopped letting a fuzzy little animal ruin his mood.

Especially an absolutely adorable fuzzy little animal.

Though, sometimes you would even catch Patrick absentmindedly petting it or scratching its head softly. You wouldn't bring it up to him, but you had to admit it warmed your heart a little to see.

He would even, on occasion let the cat rub its face against him, even when he was wearing one of his rather expensive suits.

One morning you woke up to the sound of soft speaking next to you.

Patrick had stayed over at your apartment for the night and you began to recognize the voice next to you as Patrick's.

You opened your eyes slowly, allowing yourself to adjust to the light that came through into the bedroom.

Now, you had just woken up but what you saw when you opened your eyes made you certain you had to have been dreaming.

Next to you lies Patrick and your cat both bathed in the warm morning sun that illuminated the room.

Patrick, with a grin on his face, is fully petting the animal, scratching his head and all.

"Oh, here kitty kitty," he'd say, picking up the cat to move it closer to him so he could give it better pets.

you could have sworn it almost brought you to tears, just witnessing a rare moment of absolute pure sweetness from Patrick, especially towards an animal.

you watched him pet the cat for a while in silence, not wanting to alert either of them of you being awake, afraid that it might ruin the moment.

But eventually you had to speak up.

"Well, it looks like you two are having a good start to your mornings."

Patrick looked at you and ceased his petting for a moment.

"It's not so bad. Having a cat." he admitted.

"You don't say." you replied with a satisfied smile.

a/n: aahhh i hope youu like this, i feel like i wrote bateman a little more ooc than usual so i hope that's alright.

[ask4mycashapp]

liquid courage

?

it was a cold, rainy evening when you decided nagito needed to loosen up.

you were worried for your boyfriend seeing as he was more self deprecating than normal, so whats better than drinking a little alcohol? you grabbed a bottle of expensive wine and called nagito down. when he saw you with the bottle as he was descending the stairs he immediately began bombarding you with concern,

"y/n? whatre you doing with that?? are you okay?? there are better ways to relieve stress than drinking! is it my fault???? have i been-"

"nagito, darling, please sit down with me. you havent done anything at all, if anything im concerned for you. youve been degrading yourself more than normal, so i wanted us to calm down together with a bottle of wine. if thats okay with you of course." you reassured him and cleared his negative thoughts.

if youve learned anything about nagito its that you have to be clear about your intentions with everything or hed assume the worst. he made one last at attempt at his deprecation before you completely shut him down,

"oh i would love too! but... are you sure? its an expen-"

"yes nagito, i am sure, now would you sit with me? i have the glasses ready, and id love for you to join me."

nagito nodded and came to sit with you even though he was a still a little unsure. of course hed love to have a drink with someone as beautiful as you! thats obvious, but does he deserve it? nagito being self deprecating happened at times but it happened less when he was you, so why was there a spike in his behavior in your presence?

well maybe its because he heard some whispers about how you deserved someone hotter, someone in your league, not someone like nagito.

maybe its because he heard your friends talking about the two of you behind your backs, talking about how your settling for way less than you deserve.

maybe its because-

"darling, hello? you havent even sipped from your glass yet, and you seem in your own head. penny for your thoughts?" you inquire.

he seems out of it, extremely so. you hope hes okay.

"y/n," he takes a sip from his glass, "can i," another sip, "ask you something?" he ends his sentence with a swig of his wine.

"of course, ask me anything your heart desires."

with a big sigh he asks, "why are you with me?" nagito takes another large swig with a deep breath.

all you do is giggle while nagito stares at you confused, "a myriad of reasons, my dear. if you so wish i could name a few for you."

"could you?" he asks.

"i love how nice you are to everyone," you sigh, "except you cant seem to extend that same kindness to yourself, i love you regardless though. i love your eyes, i love your hair, i love how you are always trying to extend hope to others, i love-"

"i love, hic, those too!"

your eyes widen as you see a drunk nagito looking over at you. his sudden confidence is a welcome change though and you decide to test it,

"oh really? what else do you love about yourself nagito?"

"weeellll i really, hic, like me because, hic, i have you! you help me a, hic, loootttt yknow?" he continues his ramble, "i couldnt believe, hic, it when i got someone like you. i actually, hic, thought it was some type of joke or, hic, dream! but i knew someone as perfect as you wouldnt do that to me, so my, hic, confidence began to rise. b...but when i heard some people talking about us i started to, hic, lose it."

your brows were furrowed, how dare someone make your beloved nagito feel that way? "who was it, darling? you can tell me <3." you persuaded.

"its okay love, i can handle it! i love you and since you love me i have to be worth something. they didnt hurt my feelings :D!" nagito said this all bubbly and himbo like.

this was a completely new side to him youve never seen, and youd be lying if you said you didnt like it, "as long as your okay nagito... though i do think thats enough alcohol for now. you seem to have had enough."

"noooo, hic, yyyyy/nnnn!" when your met with a pouting nagito its hard to say no, but you hold your ground.

nagito eventually ended up falling asleep on you and you on him. you were sure to have good dreams tonight, and in the morning?

oh, you had stories to tell sober nagito.

?

everything???

[tokiloki]

Swirls of Paint - Shion Madarame

AN: gn reader, fluff, lillll bits of angst but not really (enjoy!)

@offtaskotaku this ones bc of u T-T

The scratching of the fine tipped pen against the rough canvas of your sketchbook drowned out the near muted television you sat in front of, your fingers fluidly skimming across the page in an attempt to not ruin your sketch with the ink. A frustrated exhale escaped your lips as your hand shook, creating a bump in the almost straight line you drew. Sighing as you moved your sketching materials and book away onto the table besides the sofa in hope of relaxation, you took a quick glance at your phone to read the time. 9:32pm, it's been over 12 hours since Shion left this morning, full of excitement and loud energy as he bid you goodbye for what he called "just a little bit of time".

You shortly pondered calling him, but would he even respond? Is his phone still in one piece ? do delinquents even keep their phones in their pockets when they fight? Shoulders heaving, you tilted your head , stretching your neck. Just then the click of the doorknob being turned sounded through the walls. Shooting up, all tiredness gone as you rushed to the door.

"Shion!" You rushed to pull him away from the doorway as you scanned his slender features for any injuries, thankfully there was only a splatter of blood, which-also thankfully, wasn't his.

His face pulled into a grin "Hey babe! Look at me all in one piece!" He glanced downwards for an instant, face shadowing over before he continued "Can't say the same for my phone though... oh well who cares I'll get a new one" He pulled his hand from his uniform jacket, revealing a battered *thing* which supposedly resembled his phone.

Your chest heaved, a fire flickering within as you stared at his grinning face, here you had been, worry eating at your mind and he's said nothing to it yet?

"Shion you've been gone for hours, and I know its still 9 but you left in the morning and told me you wouldn't be gone too long," you let out, gaze casting down to the hardwood floor. Upon looking up at him, his eyes widened and he began scratching his neck, "I'm sorry, we just got so caught up and the celebrations took long...I was going to call you but," he lifted the battered phone up " yeah, you know...I'm seriously sorry though, I promise next time I'll call you from any phone I find, just not Ran's one.. bc he'd probably save it and then things will just go bad" He probably forgot you have the numbers of both Haitanis on your phone. Which he gave. To you.

You sighed once again, heart melting as his eyes caught yours. "Fine fine," His dark eyes were still innocently widened, a very unconvincing contrast to the blood that splattered his face. "Let's go clean you up, and for God's sake don't put your bloody messy coat with the laundry" you said, flicking his tattooed face as he flashed another boyish grin at you again.

"-YEAH BABE IM TELLING YOU, I GO AND I PUNCH THE SHIIIIIT OUT OF HIS UGLY FACE, THE MF SPINS AND HE TRIES PUNCHING ME BACK-" Shion's narration of the fight had started right after he finished showering, screams and laughs following you around the apartment as he eagerly recounted things to you. You laugh alongside him, unsure of the overly heroic descriptions (source : unreliable) he gave you about his fights, but you were still glad he was enjoying himself, even if it was at the expense of your ears .

You tune back into his recount, laughing at his very degrading descriptions of gang members, so far he's made them sound uglier than ogres and more barbaric than apes. "RIGHT -BABE LISTEN OKAY, SO I SWING MY ARM INTO THE IDIOTS NOSE-" Shion's arm flies up to mimic the move until his voice abruptly cuts off. You move away from the kitchen counter as he winces, massaging his shoulder. The moment his eyes sweep back to your form, he opens his mouth to continue talking and attempts to swing his arm again before he hisses in pain.

Alarm rings through your veins, head blaring as you move to him, palms bracing over his shoulders. "Shion? Shion what's wrong?" you frantically turned around him, his neck and head were fine. He looked around as you impatiently attempted to tug his shirt down, he must be injured somewhere beneath. "Y/N it's nothing I promise-"

"Shion show me what's under that shirt now"

"Y/N relax, you honestly think that I? Shion? would get so badly injured? his chuckles ran cold over your veins as you stepped away from him, pointing a finger at his increasingly agitated form. "SHION I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T TAKE IT OFF RIGHT NOW-" "I'm FINE Y/N" "Shion Madarame , I will send every embarrassing photo I have of you to Ran Haitani do NOT TEST ME AND TAKE OFF THAT SHIRT" your eyes may as well have shot lasers through his head he thought.

You pressed an ice pack to the juncture between his neck and shoulder, muttering about his dumbassery as he continued his attempts to recount the fight. The shock of the ice pack against such a sensitive spot had his head flying up, almost knocking your jaw in the process. "Shion...lay back down please" you gritted out, frustration tingling in your bones as you eyes the bruise. Shion turned to face you, strands of blonde hair falling over as he quietly voiced, "okay okay, but can I hold the ice pack?"

Your slightly ink stained hand brushed through his hair softly, still not having said a word since he took the ice pack to treat himself. Angular eyes widened as he looked up at your hunched figure, swallowing as he made contact with your tired eyes. "Are you angry at me?" You sighed at his words, fingers trailing down to the shaven side of his head. "I don't seem too happy do I?" His eyes averted once you replied, and you broke your short silence. "I get it, this is well- the way your life is. And I know you love fighting and I don't hate that, or hate you fighting. What I do hate-," Shion's jaw clenched ever so slightly, he knew this would come eventually. " I hate the fact that you're reckless about it, I hate having to know that you might come home with injuries you can easily avoid Shion, and I also hate that you don't seem to care about these injuries, and ..." You trailed off, not knowing exactly what to tell him, especially as he went quiet, placing his hand over yours once it reached the tattoo of his neck. Clearly, he got the idea, you didn't need to keep going for him to figure everything out.

Carefully, you massaged the areas around his tattoos, glancing down besides the couch at the pens you had discarded, you softly spoke to his quiet figure. "Shion... can I uh, can I try something please?" Your voice was laced with guilt, he had been quiet since your small rant, muttering quietly with promises on how he'll crush his enemies before they lay a finger on him next time. He nodded "Sure thing babe," Shions drowsy voice softly voiced as he lapsed back into his unusual silence . You lifted an inky brush pen, slowly uncapped it and got to work onto his tattooed body.

Swirling the brush pen across his head, you filled the empty spaces with patterned swirls, changing the dynamic of his tattoo yet keeping the subject the same. You kept going, until you reached a stop at the end of his head, unsurely glancing at his neck. "Keep going?" Shions unusually tired voice asked and you hummed an agreement, softly smoothing his hair away from his neck before putting your pen down onto his inked skin.

He hummed quietly as you swirled over his neck, the vibrations cutting through to your hand clearly and you continued attempting to balance the pressure, not wanting to irritate him. Before you could readjust your grip, Shion huffed out " Y/N sweet, I'm done with this, my neck doesn't hurt anymore!" He called out enthusiastically, taking the near melted ice pack off before flipping onto his stomach and burying his head into your lap while hugging your waist with his muscled arms.

"Are you sure -" He nodded, humming as he tightened his grip on your lap. "Baby can you keep going with that? Down to my back and shoulders?" He muffled into you. You chuckled "Fine fine, I didn't think you liked it so much" Shion groaned in response, nudging at you with his head. Your hands continued, one rubbing small circles while the other kept painting down his shoulder blades. He hummed again and you giggled "Are you a cat or something?" Shion's hug tightened even further but he gave no response. You finished the swirl and glanced at him, his face was propped onto your thigh, eyes closed as he breathed contently, a grin plastered onto his face and you smiled.

"AHAHA I AM NOT TAKING IT OFF SWEETHEART JUST LOOK AT THIS, MY SWEETIES AN ARTIST!" Shion flexed his muscles in the mirror as you fell back into the pillows. "What about showering?" You scrolled through your phone as you asked him ,reading through countless new complains from Ran about Shion 'unnecessarily flexing his mf skinyass back just to show some black lines" as you quote. Since yesterday he had refused to scrub them off, proudly stopping by every mirror he saw.

Jumping into your shared bed, he hugged you tightly and you laughed as he tickled your waist, you squealed before tickling at him, both of your laughter carrying out into the neon lit streets outside.

A/N: THIS WAS SM FUN, IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG

REQUESTS ARE OPEN YOU GUYS, I FEEL MOTIVATION TO WRITE LOL.

[lewdbabies]

~The neighbor ~

part 2

nanami kentox reader smut

warning: MDNI, 18+, Raw sex , praising kink, Language, Rough sex, Breeding, smut

Part 2

Work was slow as usual, after morning hours the cafe tends to slow down lunch and dinner were served but it wasn’t very popular. Judging by the way Nanami was in a rush earlier it seemed he didn’t have time to stop by for his regular Black coffee. You lean against the register catching up on the latest novel you’d been reading. Your boss is in the back doing “Inventory “ which really meant taking a nap in the office. You glance at the clock perched on the wall, 1:30 pm, you sigh time was dragging on today. You turn your attention back onto your book engrossing yourself in the literature.

“Hello may I see the lunch menu please”

You jump.

You’d been so enraptured by your book you hadn’t even heard the door bell ring.

“Y-yes W-welcome let me grab that for you one second” you slam your book shut and quickly squat down grabbing a laminated lunch menu.

You look up and you’re met with brown eyes.

He smiles grabbing the menu, your hands brush lightly. You’re panicking, this is the first time he’s ever came to the cafe for lunch. He nods walking to A booth furthest from the entrance, you watch in awe admiring his physic. You grab a towel and begin to buss tables giving him time to decide what he wanted. Your eyes keep darting over at him blushing every Time your eyes meet. He doesn’t seem to mind he gives you a small smile in response.

After a while you walk to the register to grab your note pad and pen. You reach in your pocket for your lip gloss dabbing some on before making your way over to his table. He’s looking down, his brows scrunched in focus.

“Is anything looking good” you call out cheerfully.

“Yes you are” his tongue slides across his lips.

“Pardon?” You asked unsure of what you heard.

“I said yes it is” he rubs his chin staring directly into your eyes.

You ignore it deciding you’re just hearing things, He points to a item on the menu.

“This will be fine “ he states.

“The eggs Benedict, Alright and for your drink?” You scribble on your note pad.

“Black coffee should suffice” he nods to himself in approval.

“Alrighty I will have that right up” you rip the paper from your pad and start towards the kitchen.

“Order up!” You call back, sticking the ticket up.

You were in charge of making all the coffee related orders, came with being a barista/cashier. You didn’t mind though, you learned to Create lots of different foam patterns. Coffee making was fun if you made it, you even created a couple secrete menu items of your own.

You reach for a mug, pouring the freshly brewed coffee inside, steam swirls from the cup. You set the mug ontop of your silver serving tray and make your way back to his table. He’s looking through a stack of papers, his briefcase sits open on the table top.

“Here’s your coffee” you grab the glass in an attempt to hand it to him unaware of how hot it is. The glass burns your hand causing you to drop it out of reflex. It crashes down spraying all over Nanami’s suit and paper work.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry!” You grab a fist full of paper towels frantically trying to clean off his suit. You pat the spilled coffee from his lap, He shifts in his seat.

“Uhn-“ he makes a soft noise catching you off guard.

You bolt up your face is red hot, you look away in embarrassment.

“I-I can pay to have this dry cleaned! Ugh I’m such a klutz-“

He interjects “no it’s fine you don’t have to do that”

“Please allow me too I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t” you bite your lip in guilt.

His eyes darken at the sight of you standing there looking so remorseful and innocent. He looks away for a second debating his next move.

“If you insist, the jacket only will be enough I assure you” he says slowly, sliding his coat off. His arms bulge through his white button down shirt.

He hands you the jacket hesitantly You’re dying of embarrassment.

“I’ll have this back to you tomorrow I swear it” you blurt quickly walking away.

~

“That coffee was a nightmare to get out kid” The dry cleaner complains.

You give an apologetic look as you sign the ticket finalizing the payment.

“Thanks again For getting it done so quick Danny”

“Yeah yeah yeah next time tell the guy to make the coffee land in his mouth got it” you laugh as you wave goodbye walking out the door. You check your phone , 6:10 pm, Nanami asked you to be there at 5:30 but work held you up today.

Luckily the dry cleaners is around the block from your apartment like most things. Before you know it your apartment entrance is in sight, You push the elevator button. It takes forever as usual, when it finally arrives you walk inside. Nanami lived on the same floor as you just opposite sides. You walk down the hall that connects your building’s searching for unit 12.

Your phone lights up, it’s a text from nanami ‘having trouble finding me?’ You laugh to yourself stopping to type back.

‘Closer than you think’ just as you press send the door in front of you swings open.

You jump with a fright, he sure had a way of scaring you. He’s standing there dressed completely different from how you were use to seeing him. He wore a green long sleeve top, Casual dark jeans , his eyes were covered by strange glasses.

“Come on in” he smirks.

You step over the threshold laying the jacket across his cream couch. His apartment was clean, not regular clean, everything was perfectly in its place. Despite all the lighter themes there wasn’t a spec of dirty anywhere in sight.

“I’m sorry I’m late work-“ you explain

“I understand, would you like a drink “ he disappears into the kitchen, returning with two wine glasses and a bottle of an unknown expensive looking champagne.

“Uh-uh yeah sure”

You sit on the couch crossing one leg over the other nervously. The space beside you dips as he sits next to you. You watch the muscles in his hands twitch as he pours your glass. You squirm in your seat, squeezing your legs tightly together.

‘Is he smirking’ you think to yourself watching him out the corner of your eye.

He hands you the drink before pouring his own. He watches curiously over the rim of his glass as he takes a sip, His stare sends a twitch through your clit.

“You like Austen as well?” He asks, you give a confused look.

He continues “ The book you were reading earlier” you realize he must have caught a glimpse at it earlier.

“Oh, Yes I do she is one of my favorites actually” you admit.

He reaches over tucking a fallen strand of hair behind your ear.

“I’m sorry im kind of a neat freak I hope I didn’t offend you-“ he doesn’t move his hand away.

“N-no it’s okay” your body is warm, the alcohol creeps up on you slowly. Before you can stop yourself you nuzzling closer into his palm, his thumb strokes your cheek. He slides his hand to the nape of your neck gently pulling you closer as he leans in.

“Is this okay?” He breathes parting his lips.

Your breathing becomes erratic as you glance down at his lips inches from your own.

“Y-yes...” he runs his tongue gently over your bottom lip before capturing them in a hungry kiss.

He briefly breaks away removing his glasses setting them on the coffee table. In one swift motion he grips your waist hoisting you onto his lap, you wrap your arms around his neck in surprise. You lean into him pushing him into the couch cushion his hand travels up your back to your neck pulling you to his waiting lips. “Mmm Uhn-“ He moans slipping his tongue between your lips.

You grind against him the clothing between you becoming an unwanted barrier. His skillful hands slide up your back release your bra clasp, he pulls away flustered and messy hair’d. You lift your arms as he slides your shirt and bra above your head tossing it into the far corner.

“Keep your arms above your head” He orders.

You obey holding your arms up, His tongue attacks your strained nipples. He sucks gently, Using his hand to tease the other, it’s too much to take and your arms drop.

“Arms up or I stop, Little one” you whimper raising your hands above your head.

He sucks your hard bud into his mouth giving it a soft nip sending lighting between your thighs.

“Ah Ah Please mmmnh-“ you plead for more. His hands travel up your skirt pushing your panties aside invading your soaking folds.

“Mmmm so wet already” he brings his fingers to his lips tasting your excitement.

“You’ve been dreaming of this haven’t you, watching me stroke my cock through your drapes at night “ he plunges two fingers inside your slippery hole. You gasp holding back a scream as he finger fucks you slowly.

“Take it out” he demands.

You waste no time unzipping his pants and freeing his pulsing member. You stroke his length admiring how big he is.

“Sit on it” he grips your waist positioning your entrance with his tip. He strokes your slit teasing you making you beg for more.

You grind against him pushing down desperate for him to fill you up. He lets out a feral growl slamming you down on his cock mercilessly.

“Fuck yeah take it, Ah you like the way I stretch your little pussy don’t you” he slaps your ass bouncing you up and down.

He rails into you at a feverish pace, your hips colliding relentlessly.

“ Look at me, Look me in my fucking eyes, show me that pretty face while I fuck you” he groans.

You look at him tears of pleasure staining your face as you get closer to your climax.

He grabs your hair crashing his lips to yours entangling your tongues.

“Ah Ah I’m gonna cum” you cry out, he Drills harder into you biting the soft skin of your neck.

“Cum for me princess, yeah just like that, good girl” he moans.

“Look at me, Look at me, show me how you cum baby, Ah fuck” it sent you over the edge your walls clench around him juices washing over his twitching cock. His eyes roll back as he messily pumps into you filling you with cum. You fall forward, he wraps his arms around you holding you together. You’re both sweat drenched and fucked out depending on each other’s bodies for support.

“You should have spilled coffee on me sooner” he states seriously.

You look at each other in silence before breaking into uncontrollable laughter.

“I agree” you say smiling like a idiot.

~the end💗 comment please tell me who you’d like to see next 🥵🥲

[hhjs]

forget me not.

♡ based on — "During times of war. I want to say: I only love you, And I cling you, Like the peel clings to a pomegranate, Like the tear clings to the eye, Like the knife clings to the wound." and the song nightlife by daydream masi.

♡ summary  —   Hyunjin's unsure of the tingle in his gut, why it's happening. But he thinks, just for a second, it feels a little like hope.

wherein, putting your heart on the line for the sake of doing favours isn’t a frequent component in your schedule. But what happens when this favour is asked for by the boy you may or may not have fancied for far too long?

 You accept it. 

 For a very embarrassing reason, really, which is — you think Hwang Hyunjin needs you.

♡ pairing— hwang hyunjin x reader

♡ word count— 8.8k whoopsies

♡ genre and alternate universe — angst, fluff + hanahaki au.

♡ author's note— this was supposed to be a drabble and then i sort of lost my fucking mind ehe...also this is easily the worst thing i have ever written im so sorry aaa but this is a lil present from my end hahaha

♡ warnings— suggestive content, vomiting, mention of blood. allusions to depression and heartbreak.

Amongst other things, you're extremely bad at saying 'no'. You don't mean the word per se...but the underlying connotation of this very monosyllable which may come at the expense of letting another person down.

It's sort of stupid, you understand, your friends have constantly voiced their worries for your extremely complacent nature more often than you'd think actually. But it all goes over your head. See — old habits really do die hard.

When you're eight, this very defect takes you to dreadful saxophone lessons your mum spoke so highly of. When you're 15, it gets you called to the principal's office for flashing Jeongin trigonometric functions in Mister Choi's pop quiz, when you're older, things are definitely no different.

The passenger seat is occupied, Hyunjin's holding a tangled muffler to his suede jacket clad chest. At 21, he's become someone you used to know. A friend of a friend, Felix's to be very specific. But the man in question, who was supposed to be his ride, passes off this duty for kegstands and you just happen to be the designated driver for the night, shuffling Jisung beside Changbin and Chan, who claims to be 'sober' even though he's half asleep.

Hyunjin is uncharacteristically quiet.

There's a polite smile on rendered your way as your eyes meet. A small curvature along his plump bottom lip, tighter around the edges. Still this simple formality is so beautiful that you feel something inside you come alive.

When Jisung starts snoring, you flip on the radio and Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here comes on.

Your fingers feel numb when they come to tap out a rhythm to the track. It's nice. Tingling guitar riffs swelling, David Gilmour's gruffy voice pours in from faulty speakers. The more the song progresses, the more you find yourself attempting to think about anything that will distract you from the boy beside you, in the flesh no less.

So late at night, the main road is eerily silent. Cobblestones reflecting the sound of tires thumping against its layout, streetlights blinking at you from their drooping heads. Across the street, a baker is tucking away leftover bread and buskers are packing up their beat up guitars, a man in his late 50's pulling his blanket to his nose as he rests a head full of gray hair on the cold pavement.

You glance at Hyunjin from the corner of your eye and find that his staggering smile has completely disappeared. Now there's a distant glaze in his eyes. It's like he's here, in this moment, with you, but at the same time, he's somewhere else.

Under the impression you've done something wrong, you immediately begin to panic. But the thing is, you don't actually know if you should ask. Would it constitute as crossing a line if you had anyway?

Hyunjin covers his mouth with a sleeve, muffled retching building beyond fabric.

The reasonable assumption is obvious. It's not abnormal to be nauseous when you've got one too many drinks in you. He motions for you to pull over, incoherent sentences practically melding together, words forming and dissipating between choking fits.

You scramble to dig out a bottle of mineral water you habitually deposit in the glove compartment, offering him the tissue first. Ears perking up in satisfaction when a garbled thanks escapes his parted lips. But then... something weird happens.

As your eyes flicker to unintentionally glance at the contents discarded on the pitch grey sidewalk, you freeze in your seat.

You were never a big believer of superstition, not someone who buys into myths only meant for the fiction genre. Sure, you can be gullible sometimes...but what's happening falls no way under the realistic category.

The lethal Hanahaki disease, only inherited by some unlucky descendants, every moment in your head prior to this one, was something that's obviously non existent.

Yet... there's so much blood, too much blood attesting to your blatant ignorance. The petals are of a white rose, smudging together in swirls of grotesque crimson in mimicry of a sheen of red sticking to the inner corners of his lips. It has happened before, you can tell, from just how unsurprised he looks.

Hyunjin's stare flits to commit every detail of your to memory, in what only seems a quick study of gauging your forthcoming reaction, though even before you can produce a coherent thought, he says,

"You can't tell anyone." His voice drops a few octaves as though he's afraid your snoring friends in the back might've noticed. "Please."

Hyunjin's face softens by the slightest, contrary to his firm demand, there lies a desperation you couldn't overlook.

In retrospect, what you're about to tell is ultimately a promise that'd come back to bite you in due time. However, see now, you're extremely bad at saying no. Somehow you're even worse when it comes to Hyunjin. So you blink, turn the radio off and say,

"Okay."

—

The pool is preheated. For that you're most thankful.

Frankly, you couldn't imagine what it'd be like being pushed into a chilly body of water mid winter. Not that it's pleasant otherwise, you can't swim.

Well at 15, you hadn't quite learned to. The other kids have scurried inside to hog freshly baked Snowman biscuits Seungmin's mum is renowned for.

Then and you think you'll never quite forget it, Hyunjin's wearing an orange power ranger t shirt, it's darker now that it's wet, his glasses are marked with uneven splatters. His face scrunches up at the sudden splash of wetness engulfing his body. He wasn't planning to get in the water.

"Hold on tight." He says, wounding your arms around his neck, your calves tighter to his sides to support your shivering body. Back then Hyunjin's hair was black, cropped short and swept to the side, he smells like fabric softener and skittles. A water donut is discarded in the middle of the pool.

Everybody you know and don't know, from the birth of superheroes stuck in comic books to valiant protagonists behind fuzzy television screens, has this inherent desire to be saved. From the world, from themselves. No, no, it doesn't have to be a grand gesture, swooping them off of their feet from the grasp of surly men in dark alleys, sometimes it's really just simple. Sometimes people save you in the most ordinary way there is.

The weight of your form on his bright pink water donut while he stood on his toes to merely rest his elbows so the item wouldn't flip, a small act, certified this very claim, had not the nimble touch of his cold fingers, brushing away wet hair from your face, to anxiously ask if you're okay met the purpose. He talks to you like the sound of his voice has the power to injure you.

You nod slowly. Like this, it feels like you're going to be.

Hyunjin pouts, looking perfectly unconvinced. He paddles the pair of you to steel stairs spiraling into the pool, so he can stand without just his nose peeking out of the water, he looks at you once again, a wrinkle between his dark, arched eyebrows and says solemnly, "Jisung's such an idiot sometimes, isn’t he?"

But isn't he your friend? You want to ask. Something stops you though —his tone tells you you aren't the only one to fall victim to Jisung's practical jokes. Not that they were offensive or anything. Han Jisung, the same person who twiddles his thumbs when he wants the last chicken nugget and cries every time you watch Howl's Moving Castle together, genuinely doesn't mean any harm. It's just that...when he's comfortable with people, who aren't many, he tends to do a lot of dumb things. Dumb, endearing things that Minho will kill him for someday.

"A little bit," You mumble under your breath. Heat rising to your face at the possibility of Hyunjin being concerned for you. He sounds almost angry. "Thanks by the way."

It's rather pitiful to remember. Because with time, Hyunjin's world becomes so big that your interaction stands to be too insignificant to not forget. Before you know it, he's the shooting guard of your school's basketball team, just a handsome face who dates better girls, makes better friends. It's superficial and a little sad.

No, no, a little sad is an understatement actually.

To see someone you understood intimately, a boy who always described details too much just to stray from the main story, a boy with too many emotions bubbling to an awfully animated surface; someone who was passionate, sensitive and so nauseatingly big hearted...change into a man who is indubitably untouchable...is tragic. At least.

Yet funnily enough — you can't quite imagine a world without Hwang Hyunjin. His ringing laughter rippling through loud ambiences, his distant humming of Christmas carols whilst he absently skimmed through spines of children's novels and his eyes glimmering in adoration whenever he spoke of something he loved — Without him, you imagine, there would be a massive deficiency in your world, in the world. Like if birthday cakes came with the biggest slice carved out.

Hyunjin grins, a big sort of candid grin that turns his eyes into upturned crescents. His previous temperament long forgotten. Suddenly, this utterly atrocious happening seems to not be so bad. Suddenly you don't mind that Jisung is an idiot sometimes.

"Of course."

—

Hyunjin is not perfect. Hyunjin is no prince charming.

People don't know this. They don't understand this.

He ends up paying for dinner when he's out with a big crowd even though they were supposed to split the bill, he ends up crying when he gets angry and he is an abysmal liar, in every sense of the phrase. Hardly ever succeeding to hide his emotions when he should. When he was a kid his parents reminded him that it's a good thing to be unapologetically himself, that being honest is a good thing.

But as your eyes meet from across an ocean of people quagmired by crunchy leaves, sticky remnants of rain and his ex girlfriend who he now claims to be okay with being friends with, on her toes to poke his cheek whilst Chan's arm wraps around her waist, the soft white roses ornamented on a bow she loves wearing all the time, he thinks it's far from an agreeable trait to have.

Actually whilst you balance a newspaper under your arm and bring your coffee to your lips, it's like you're looking through him, past his skin, his flesh, something secret inscribed on his bones, embedded into his soul. You know everything, you know everything, you know everything.

The thought itself... surprisingly enough, doesn't appal him.

Hyunjin raises his palm in the air, feeling the autumn prickling against his skin. He waves at you.

—

Working at a library can be taxing. But it sure has its perks.

You can just about turn the place upside down and put it all back together without getting in trouble. Albeit another reason, besides your profession could be that Minho owns the place. Frankly, he may or may not have been the only cause behind your employment. It's hard to tell now that your co-workers really do recognise you've a knack for arranging things.

But to you, your job is very personal. A precious thing which relieves you from various worldly tensions. Velvety spines under your roughened fingertips, the burst of minted pages hitting your face every time you walk in, your love for reading, for a world of stories is so immense that you think you wouldn't have traded it even if your life depended on it.

For a disease that's not very well known, it's ironic how an entire section of mythology is dedicated to it. Past closing hours, amongst many novels mounted on your desk, you fixate on the one that made most sense. There's a few things you've picked up in common from all of them though — the hanahaki disease is extremely rare, it doesn't affect all those who suffer from the qualms of unrequited love.

Possible remedy according to findings entail

growths can be surgically removed, if the patient consents to eradication of memories of their loved ones.

Clanking of keys alerts incoming and you pause your tapping pen to look up.

"Burning the midnight oil, are we?"

Minho leans against the doorframe, he's half yawning, half talking and fully concerned for you.

"Yeah, looks like I'm gonna be a while." Your monotonous tone provides that you are not paying a lot of attention. You blurt without looking up. "Are you leaving?"

"No, still haven't finished archiving for that Pfizer project...But I'm going to get a bite to eat..." His inky eyes remain on you as his tone falters, "You want anything?"

"I'm fine. Thanks."

"Wow you're like...really uh invested." He tilts his head in thought, "You seeing someone again?"

You know Minho long enough to know he has a teasing side to him, from diaper days to play dates ending in pillow fights because he kept offering you his last Pringle just to pop it into his stupid smirking mouth — but you have no idea where he's going with this.

So you look up, finally. Furrowing your brows.

"No. What does that have to do with anything?"

He shrugs, "I haven't seen you concentrate so hard since you dumped Jeongin."

Your right eye twitches. Because you know exactly what he's referring to, and simultaneously, for the sake of your well-being, you much prefer being in denial. "What?"

"C'mon. Remember how you always ended up doing his homework?" He reminds you. "It's like when you like someone, you go out of your way to do charitable stuff for them. But...this? Too much. Even for you."

You ignore Minho's comment. To the world, Hwang Hyunjin's place in your life is not significant. After all this is the most natural undulation in the vicissitudes of life — for someone who once was your friend to eventually drift apart, to become a has been. It's too hard to explain why you care. After all this time.

"I was just being nice." You narrow your eyes, unimpressed. "Clearly this concept is lost on some people."

"Sure you are, bud. If being 'nice' is synonymous with whipped." Of course, there's a smug grin gracing his pouted lips that tempts you to fling something at him. Not that you can though. Seeing as Minho breaks out into a full fledged sprint, his singsongy voice a thinning echo bouncing off of shelves and windows and doors.

Still somehow his footsteps manage to travel through walls, permeating into your office with such great amplitude that you could be bamboozled into thinking he hasn't left at all. Or maybe you've stopped paying attention, your eyes zoom in on any other helpful detail you can put to use in wrapping your head around what you have witnessed firsthand.

At the same time, you can't really ignore how hungry you're feeling just from the mention of a bite to eat. So when Minho's shadow forms again on the page you've been 'reading' for the last few seconds you sense a gigantic wave of relief washing over you.

"You know what I changed my—" slamming the book shut, you blink against scanty provision of light, with raise your head and a bleary vision, recognise him in an instant. Except...it isn't Minho. "mind..."

The only source of brightness is a small emerald lamp perched on the corner of your desk, light green catches onto one of the ornamented corners and speckles of golden caress his supple skin gently. You hadn't realised how cold it might've been outside until you see how heavily dressed Hyunjin was, a long overcoat worn over woollen sweater, a Santa hat and muffler pulled to his chin. It's no one other than your boss himself who has given him directions to your office, you know this, Hyunjin has never been inside before.

So when he marvels absently, you sense yourself feeling a little self conscious about not cleaning up. All around you, a comforter and love seat pushed against the window, cigarette butts discarded in ashtray and then...the books strewn before you tell him you practically live here.

For some reason, Hyunjin only seems to loosen up at the spectacle.

"Hi." He says finally.

"Hi..." you arrange the reading materials quickly to one side so you can rest your elbows. A small (successful) attempt made to hide your research. "Something up?" You say, but what you really mean is, what are you doing here?!

Did he suspect you were going to tell on him? Right that's it, that must be it, you tell yourself, believing, knowing, of all the years Hwang Hyunjin has known of you he has never been one to care about your whereabouts.

"I just...um," He starts, forwarding his mitten clad hands. It's the back of a crumpled coffee cup on which straight handwriting reads a bucket list...of sorts. You immediately understand that his coming is an act of impulse. Urgency of living every moment like it's slipping through it's fingers, that he just needed to tell the only person who knows, be it by accident.

Hyunjin clears his throat. "I wanna do all this before I die."

In lieu of giving an instant response, baffled, you gawp at him. Despite knowing, hearing Hyunjin say it out loud somehow makes everything...too real.

It's as though someone's reached inside your throat, pulled your heart out and crushed it with their bare hands. Hyunjin, the boy who smelled like fabric softener and skittles and wore power ranger shirts, the boy with the fantastic smile and cold fingers, is dying. You won't let him. You can't let him.

You thumb along the numbers scribbled in hasty penmanship, look up and blink rapidly, "Okay," you say, a small whisper, barely there words. "That's okay."

Even with the hat covering tips of ears, you could tell the same faint blush coating his cheeks had rushed to that particular area. His eyes drift off to the sight of pens discarded inside a wooden holder because he can feel your gaze on him. "and I...I need your help."

"Alright."

Hyunjin's eyes widen to a great degree, he sits straighter, as if he hadn't expected you to comply so quickly.

And honestly? Neither had you.

It's quiet. Awkward.

"You know it's not like I haven't thought about dying. I just figured I'd get to grow old first, settle down, have kids and all that," A wry laugh escapes his parted lips. "Everything's happening too fast."

You hesitate, thinking he's making a mistake. Frankly he shouldn't feel obligated to give you an explanation.

"You...you don't have to tell me."

"No—I mean...can I?" He gives you a sheepish look, disliking his own whimsical tone, somehow endearing still. You find yourself wondering how long he had to keep his burdens to himself, not just pertaining to his illness, but everything. His dreams, his hopes, his fears. Anything which requires a certain amount of depth. And you almost ask him, the question sitting at the tip of your tongue, yet the realisation rather simple, stops you. Maybe you've mistranslated 21 year old Hyunjin all along — moulding himself into someone who's convenient around people who only liked him for who he appeared to be, maybe even with all that popularity, parties and glamour, he's just...lonely.

You push your reading glasses into your hair, press your knuckles under your chin and hum in consent.

He shifts in his seat, "Have you ever... been in love?"

You release an amused huff. Let your eyes linger on him for a long minute.

"Once."

Hyunjin half expects you to laugh. Poke fun at him for his melodramatic backstory. That's the sole reason why he doesn't tell his friends (funny, for people he considers close, they seem to know not much about him or care to know, that is. ). But you... you look at him with something in your eyes that tells him the rubbish reasons he posited makes all the sense in the world. Hyunjin's unsure of the tingle in his gut, why it's happening. But he thinks, just for a second, it feels a little like hope.

—

 Midnight rendezvous.

As someone who has lived a fairly extraordinary life, Hwang Hyunjin's bucket list is bafflingly ordinary. He's more of a finding joy in small things kind of a person, punctilious at best.

Things change. People notice. They hesitate, whisper about you and last night while you were out on last minute cheap wine run, the grocerer, a girl who looks around sixteen asks you if you're dating Hyunjin. Underneath the thinly veiled curiousity, there's something like anger dripping from her words.

You furrow your eyebrows in simple insinuation that it's weird for a stranger to take interest in your life. Maybe it was written on your face, the fact that you're a dying man's beck and call is for reasons far more complicated than it looks.

You go to his parties. Greet him as a friend would and not just for the sake of maintaining formalities. He comes to the library more times than he does, waits for you to get off work so you can check something off the list at least. People notice. People understand. Hyunjin's different around you. He's bright, talkative when he forgets to contain himself. You sense your heart swelling with pride just at the understanding that he can be himself around you.

You drive to the beach, sit in your trunk and drink straight out of the bottle.

Hyunjin laughs a little. Suspends his feet in the air. With time, he's gotten paler, exhausted. "Rough day?"

You hum.

"Very. Our children's collection is usually low in stock around the weekends."

Hyunjin crosses his arms over his chest. Curious.

"And?"

"And if I say I got yelled at by a toddler would you believe me?"

Hyunjin feigns contemplation, even with the realisation that his body is becoming less and less cooperative, he manages to remain perfectly cheerful.

"I can actually," he grins, "At that age, I was a real pain in the ass."

"Were?"

Your smile is just a slight curl against the bottle's mouth as he grumbles under his breath about your 'insensitive' remark.

You think of your life after Hyunjin, think of his absence like a gaping hole you'll never be able to fill out. It makes you sick to your stomach.

—

Bake something from scratch.

Hyunjin's face twists in apparent thought, eyebrows rising. A pink tongue poked against his cheek, whilst he chews carefully, trying really hard not to flash an accidental reaction whilst you clasp your butter and oat flour soiled hands together, some of the batter on your cheek, neck to anticipate his answer like your will to live depends on it.

You ask yourself how it got to this. Why you didn't care that you were awake so early on a Sunday morning with flour powdering every kitchen appliance in sight in spite of being awfully restrictive about who you let into your kitchen. But it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter because it's nice like this.

Hyunjin has his hair pulled away from his bare face, a mole under his eye, a small birthmark on the back of his ear.

When you first met, you thought he was a kind of handsome that couldn't be real. Something formidable about it. Only destined to exist behind fuzzy television screens and flashy magazines.

But in retrospect, you realise, that that's not true at all. 

If you look close enough, if you really pay attention, there's a softness underneath, something goofy, something warm, the sharp jut of his nose circling into a soft button, his eyes are big, black and his mouth jutted out into a natural pout, he looks innocent, like he doesn't quite realise the extent of his charms.

"It's..." His soft voice pulls you out of your reverie, and you look up to find his eyes glimmering jovially. Every time it surprises you, the lack of regret in them and the abundance of nonchalance. You wonder what it means to love someone like that, to love someone to the point of martyrdom. It shouldn't be like this. "perfect,"

"This is like, the only batch we didn't burn, right?"

You snort, "Yeah." Fully turn to him, "You know what they say, fifth time's the charm."

Hyunjin's laugh, you think, is so contagious that it makes it an imperative to smile in return. In shaky compartments the sound comes, like being 8, laying wide-eyed in a paddling pool and staring up at a crayon blue sky, raindrop rippling beyond all that noiseless water. His eyes curve to upturned crescents, an unconscious hand covering up the seams of his lips whilst he shakes his head. You don't even notice when he starts speaking again.

"Huh?"

"I said you got a little...something..."

You almost lose a fraction of your sanity when his nimble fingers come to wrap around your wrist while you hold onto the spatula employed into the whole snickerdoodle batter mixing business, a liberated hand coming up to gently wipe your cheek. It means everything to you. And nothing to him.

Later, when you're alone at night, really alone, you put your palm to your chest and feel the unsteady beat of your heart. A warning, a reminder. I can't. I can't. I can't.

—

You hold Hyunjin's hair up. His hands resting on the cold toilet seat, he's whimpering and bleeding. It happens every time he sees Haseul, or something which reminds him of her. Like the song.

This time she's drunk. And it's because she impulsively rises to her toes and presses a tender kiss to Chan's lips.

Hyunjin's just a feet away, across students and solo cups and streaks of neon falling irregularly through his line of sight.

He can never confess, not to her. The last thing Hyunjin wants is for her to feel bad for him. To say she feels the same as an act of service. He tells you. You understand. Somehow... you always understand.

They met in college, Hyunjin and she. And Chan was an upperclassman who seemed to be good at...well everything. At first, he couldn't figure out why it never occured to him before, the fact they were getting together maybe before, after or during the length of their relationship.

Though the answer is simple.

Hyunjin thinks the pillar to good relationships is trust. Call him a sappy romantic or whatever but he had seen true love manifest from it through generations before him and his parents and their parents. To think a different fate was woven for him...used to be unimaginable.

How ironic is that?

Hyunjin presses his cheek against your chest because he doesn't want you to look at him when he cries.

Then for the first time....he tells you he's scared. He's scared of what will happen to him. Of what is happening to him.

He's falling apart.

You cradle him, press him closer to your body like you're trying to put him together. People can't fix each other. Not really. But sometimes... they're worth the try.

"Hey...hey...it's alright," You shush him, run your fingers through his hair. Your voice almost breaking, faltering. Still this, this you mean it with every fibre of your being. "It's okay to be scared."

—

Self bleach hair.

It's Christmas and you're late for a late night dinner he's putting together. (As reluctant as he was about getting along with Hyunjin, he seems all too eager to make invite him whenever a get together takes effect.)

His apartment smells like floor cleaner. There's a queen sized bed pushed against an electric blue wall, a Fleetwood Mac poster taped to his door, small reading desk where Canon EOS New Kiss rests, polaroids of things checked off the list littered all its wooden surface.

You pick up the only photo he hasn't labelled, it reminds you that your friendship isn't just based off a pursuit. This is natural. Pizza box discarded between you two, on your roof top. It's a little too dark, you're holding a cigarette between your fingers, you're laughing and Hyunjin looks like he's going to complain the minute he's done taking the picture. (And he does.)

You smile, pressing your fingers against it like the touch could transport you to a simpler time.

"Ready to go?"

Hyunjin rakes a tentative hand through his newly dyed hair, grey (a suitable colour he says.). You can tell he's put a lot of effort into cleaning up, his usual hoodies and sweats alternated with a red satin shirt tucked into dark dress pants and a coat of the same colour.  Hyunjin is beautiful. Perhaps even more like this. In fact, the extent of this quality is so Goliath-like that it obliges dolled up attendees to marvel up in awe.  While you fully agree with their unsaid ponderings, you really do, you find yourself missing a less sophisticated version of him. 

"Yeah, but first..." you fish out a wrapped squarish material from the depths of your pocket. Hyunjin's eyes widen, two bunny-like teeth showing for the extent of his grin.

"You got me a present!" He all but rips it out of your hand, shaking the material eagerly. He’s a Christmas person, a supreme holiday enthusiast if you will. The sheer excitement in him projects itself in every physical aspect possible. Slight jumping on the balls of his feet. "It's a cassette...?"

You speak too much, nervous he doesn't like it. "It’s a Christmas mix. I thought...since you like carols. I know it's a little old school, I'm sorry if that’s not what you were hoping for—"

Hyunjin pulls you into a big hug, wrapping his entire body it feels like; his arms around your waist, he squeezes you tighter against him, "Thank you." He whispers into your hair, it's not just about the cassette, you can tell. 

There's a small light bulb dangling from his ceiling, he hasn't fixed it since the first time you pointed it out. You can tell with your eyes closed, you've begun to know more intimately than your own home. It's safe here. A place that deludes you into thinking that he's not running out of time, that even in his absence in the world, whenever you should walk into this room, it would be an imperative to find Hyunjin lazying about in its confines. Familiarity can be quite tricky, can't it?

His gratitude is not unknown to you. It's in the guilty smile that threatens to show every now and then, it's in this and it's in that. In many ways, it is not something you're a stranger to.

And yet the words manage to tears your heart at the seams. Just a little.

—

 Make a snow angel.

From above, he imagines, he may appear to look like a chunk of cookie dough in an ice cream pint.

The snow is not as comfortable as it appears, its frigid temperature seeps into Hyunjin's clothes (and what feels like his internal organs, if that's even possible). He waves his hands and legs inward, outward.

Your head tilts towards him. Face twisted in annoyance. "You're getting on my wing!" You say. "Have you no respect for personal space?!"

Hyunjin narrows his eyes jovially. And people tell him he's the one with a penchant for theatrics. He leans closer in rebuttal, waving his leg around your design with more purpose.  You give up. Sit on your knees, fumble with the snow. He’s still in the same position. Smug as ever...

"This is what happens when you disrespect your elders." He fake-warns. "Oka—"

What he doesn't anticipate, however, is the snowball you launch on his stupid grinning face. Now it's your turn to laugh. You clutch your stomach and point at him whilst he glares at you having barely managed to blow the snow off of his mouth.

"Oh, you're gonna get it now!"

You let out an animalistic screech, Hyunjin’s already trapped you under his weight, his thighs wound around your waist, hamstringing your plan to escape, now you're merely squirming. His fingers come down to attack your sides, digging into the flesh so mercilessly to the point you’re not sure if you’re laughing or crying. It's like there's a wildfire inside your lungs.

For a moment you forget, you let yourself forget what's to come.

“Alright, alright I’m sorry!” you press your palms against his chest in an attempt to push him off, Hyunjin has a dumb smile on his face that seems to give the impression of a hanger  stuck inside his mouth. But... there's something behind his entertainment as the sound of his laugh dies down, chest heaving with exercise. His smile drops.

You can count each lash, each freckle and line on his face. The dark in his eyes. The pink of his lips. Your sweater's ridden to your ribs. And the warmth of his fingers shifting against your bare skin hits you with an earthshattering force.

Hyunjin kisses you. For a fleeting second, you freeze. Rigid with shock. Then it passes as soon as it comes.

 You let out a noise of content,indubitably grateful that your neighbours forgot to put on their porch light for the night.  See it’s like this, the act of kissing is not as special as is the person himself, you muse, you can kiss anyone, you can touch and be touched by anyone. But none of that truly compares to this. Not when they aren't him.

You’d be lying if you said you never thought about it. Just like you’ve thought about a lot of things. But just the realisation that the boy you’ve harboured in your heart for more complicated reasons than you disclose, to yourself even, touches you with so, so much care...it’s tearing you apart. 

It’s too good to be real.

You suddenly push him away. The tugging and pulling at your heart too much to handle. For the fact remains — Hyunjin doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. You never expected him to. Actually, you've never felt what you feel with that condition in mind either.

See when the feeling of having everything you could ever want is cradled between your palms...it ought to be hard to let go. (Maybe he’s just doing this because he feels bad for you, the little voice in your head says. You listen.)

Hyunjin speaks up first.

“I love Haseul.”  he tells you, but it sounds more like he’s telling himself. “That’s why...that’s why, all this...I love her.” Not you.

You swallow, “I know.” Your hands come up to dust your pants. Hyunjin’s still on his knees, as if the answer to his conflicts are deposited under all the snow. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, it’s not okay. I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have done—”

Now you hear it, the hint of pity in his voice. You don’t mean to sound as bitter as you do. Seeing as you’re usually very good at keeping calm , breaking that very reputed front frustrates you even more.

“Look just forget about it, okay? We don’t have to talk about this.”

Hyunjin looks like he didn’t expect this side of you to exist. At least, you think, at least it got him to stop talking.

—

Learn to skate.

"If I fall, I'm taking you with me."

"You say it like I have a choice."

Hyunjin shoots you a warning glare even though you can't see. His choppy skidding steps supported by the vice grip he has on your arms. You haven't skated since you were in highschool. But when you're pretty good at it still, the smooth blade of your beaten skates gliding through ice with much dexterity, it's like floating, freeing, the wind hitting your faces, snow catching in your lashes. It's peaceful, you try not to think about the warmth of Hyunjin's arm circling around body, the vague rhythm of his heartbeat against your back. His laboured breaths on your neck. It's torturous. But spending so much time with him has taught you to hide your feelings better.

The park welcomes a large crowd around holiday season, children with toothless grins, tugging onto their mum's coats, small chin resting onto a parents' head, teenagers moving in together in school uniforms. It's the happiest time of the year. When you move past an elderly couple, they smile and tell you make a wonderful couple.

You're just about to make a correction. This puts you in an awkward position... doesn't it?

But then Hyunjin grins toothily and says, Thank you, like it's the most amusing thing in the world. You ignore the wrenching inside your chest.

Hyunjin leans forward, his plump lips brushing against your ear. "Where did you learn to skate so well?!" There's something like excitement in his kiddish laugh aside from admiration. It's not much of a question as it is an exclamation.

"I am pretty good, aren't I?"

He laughs, doesn't let you go. "Yes, yes...really good."

Out of breath, you slow down, move your feet steadily, careful not to lose balance.

"Oh my God! It is you!"

You raise your head, blink against flakes hindering your vision. Jeongin's voice used to be thinner before. As far as you remember. Now it has a weight to it.

You let out a nervous laugh.

"And it's you..."

Jeongin's eyes travel to the arms around your waist, to the stiffened figure behind you and you immediately liberate yourself. Moving to let Hyunjin use your arm as purchase, you don't fail to notice the pinch in his forehead, a frown on his mouth.

"This is my friend Hyunjin. Hyunjin, this is Jeongin—"

"We used to go out." Jeongin smiles, forwarding his hand, which is returned with an unenthused shake and a demure reply. Hyunjin never speaks to anyone this way, not even people he claims to hate.

The former male looks to you again, "I was, uh... wondering if you'd like to go out for a cup of coffee sometime."

Things between you and him ended amicably at the event of his departure for further studies, which deprives you of awkward tension which is expected when exes meet.

Besides, a cup of coffee never hurt anyone.

Right?

Without thinking, you nod slowly, "Yeah that sounds good,"

"Text me anytime."

"Sure."

 “I'll be out of your hair then," he beams. "It was very nice meeting you too, Hyunjin."

"Right."

Hyunjin, you realise, has released your arm. He leans on barricades fencing along the skating area, smiling briefly. You know it’s wrong...yet you sense that you almost need him to be upset.

Then he tilts his head back towards you, "He seems like a really nice guy," he whispers, genuinely meaning every word. Your heart sinks. "I see the appeal." Underneath the lurid glare of fairy lights brandished overhead, Hyunjin's ash hair glints like it's threaded out of silver. You wonder what he's thinking.

—

 Watch every Disney movie ever made.

You never end up texting Jeongin back. Just stalling for when you're ready, you tell yourself. Even though that's not true at all.

"This brings back so many memories. My parents used to belt out A Whole New World with me, like every time we watched Aladdin."

Hyunjin wipes his face with the back of his hand, technically you’re not very sure what he’s saying exactly because he’s mumbling into a paper napkin you've  passed over for the umpteenth time. You find yourself picturing a small but happy family of three, of Hyunjin in Scooby Doo pajamas and gap between his teeth. (Contrary to your previous convictions, he hasn't changed all at much, save for the teeth bit. ) It's cute.

He looks to you expectantly. Can't be the only one telling embarrassing stories.

You shrug, "I had a thing for Simba. Let's just say my mum and dad were nice enough to indulge me."

Hyunjin reaches for the remote and pauses the ending credits of Lady and the Tramp. He turns to you fully now, gives you a judgemental stare. "Simba...?" He says, "Like the...lion?"

"What? It's normal to crush on fictional characters, okay?!"

"Okay,sure," Hyunjin snorts, putting a pillow between you and him so you can't kill him. "furry."

A part of you is tempted, obviously. But the much bigger part is more invested in how he looks happier, healthier. You want to think that means something.

—

Hyunjin invites you over for movie night. It's getting colder and you keep poking him with your cold feet. There's an extra set of blankets in his cupboard, he informs you, he isn't sharing his with you — and that's when you see it.

The deflated pink donut folded to the side, his and yours sharpie inscribed initials on one side. 

"Found it yet?"

You don't even notice when he comes to stand behind you. So the question effectively makes you jump out of your skin. Hyunjin has a bowl of popcorn pressed to his chest, there's a pink hair band holding his hair away from his forehead. For the lack of a answer he takes it on himself to find the source of your silence. As if you've been caught red handed.

You think this is where he'll ask you to leave, that or he'll least scold you or something. You prepare for the worst.

Hyunjin just smiles, it's a big smile that succeeds in bringing out the small dimple indented on the side of his cheek. You've never noticed before. It's kinda weird. Because when it comes to him, your attention hardly ever falters.

"You probably don't remember. That’s from Seungmin's 15th birthday,"

You want to scoff under your breath. All this time you had told yourself that you were the only one to be affected by your estranged friendship growing up. Now...the same logic colours you every bit of ridiculous. 

You blink away, swallowing. Voice solemn.

"I remember." Hyunjin's gaze is heavy on your shoulders. An emotion you can't quite put a finger on crosses his delicate features. It's something between surprise and relief... something else too. You don’t understand it. 

—

It's disconcerting that he can’t remember the last time he got sick. Not the usual discomfort inside his chest, not the blood, not the thorns or petals. Hyunjin's just gotten so used to it, you know? What if he gets his hopes up for no good reason? What if it just comes back?

There's no possible explanation, he explains over a hasty 3 A.M message he had to leave on your answering machine because he's freaking out.

Then Haseul texts Hyunjin, tells him she misses him. Everything's adding up. Everything's falling into place. This is what he wanted, isn't it? She loves him, she finally loves him back. That must be it. He doesn't know what to say. 

But he tells you, and when he does, it sounds a lot like an apology.

— 

Kiss underneath a mistletoe. 

“Chan and I broke up.” She says it like it’s something he should be happy about. So when he remains quiet, it only prompts her to speak more, fill up the big mighty silences. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Look Jinnie, I know I made a mistake, but...can’t you give a second chance? Just this once?”

Hyunjin has thought about this particular moment a lot. Kissing her instead of producing a response, pulling her off of her feet and mumbling of course, of course, of course. Back then, there were little doubts in his head pertaining to her, back then he believed that she was the only one for him. The love of his life at the wrong time, in the wrong place.

Now...something doesn’t feel right. 

The thing about wounds, sometimes, of the heart in particular, is when they close up, it’s hard to make head or tails of the kind of person you become in their wake. Hard to adjust. Like when he suddenly shot up 7 inches in ninth grade, a late bloomer at that, and the weight of his new sneakers felt..odd.

He glances at her and also understands what it’s like to be lonely, the constant need to compensate for it by grasping at the last straw. He used to be in her shoes too. This isn’t any different.  Albeit, he isn’t exactly taken by her presence. Just that he doesn’t know if what he’s doing is right. He looks over your table a few feet away from where he’s standing. Having gone out to take a call. You notice his absence and then from your seat, do your best to locate him. (he thinks of kissing you on a bed of snow, thinks of the sizzle of your skates against ice, thinks of his list on a coffee cup and his pink water donut and it’s okay to be scared. Why did it have to be you of all people, through everything? It’s not really a work of coincidence. Not at all actually.

  Maybe he just wanted it to be you.)

When your eyes do lock...seeing him with his hands in his pockets, her standing beyond the barrier as she tries to say something, you smile, even if it’s a little sad. Hyunjin thinks to the conversation some nights before. Thinks of you reminding him that there's nothing to lose at this point, that he should do what his heart tells him. That it’ll be alright, if he just takes a leap of faith. Hyunjin smiles back. Through the glassy exterior and mini water fountains running down its slanted form. The realisation is not as dramatic as he thought. It’s just late.

 He tears off the false mistletoe decoration glued along the periphery of an arch.

And like always.

He takes your advice.

— 

Cohorts of guests pour into the colossal hotel, heads turning in quiet admiration for bejeweled arches breaking out against buttery white architecture, the roof is impossibly naked, translucent glass baring a starlit sky to your watchful eyes. Showing little mercy to a frail chute held over your head,costumed characters wade through oceans of gossamer, twinkling silver and swaying movements to slow jazz. You prop a heeled foot up on the bar platform, which strangely resembles a pedestal, in a futile attempt to catch your breath, with clammy digits settled atop the risky surface of a marbled counter. A soft voice speaks over the ambience, uttering your name with much care. You lift your head. And there he is.

Jisung is scouring through the Spotify playlist you’ve put together for New Year’s Eve. He’s complaining about the lack of Beyoncé while your friends go around the buffet table. When he calls you, you’re sipping your drink, laughing at something Changbin is saying, his eyes brighten just at the sound of your laugh.  Hyunjin isn’t surprised to see his friend taking a liking of you even though he hardly knows you. That’s just the effect you have on people.

Excusing yourself, you allow him to walk you to a less densely populated area where a stone pillar faces expensive paintings of nameless painters. With the effect of alcohol settling in and your inhibitions effectively lowered, your steps sway a little. You lean against the massive build rising from tiled floor. “So what’s up?” you murmur, the lump in your throat thickening just at the thought of him speaking the good news into existence. “I take it went well?”

 Hyunjin doesn't answer. He looks distracted for a bit. Then in an instant he snaps out of his daze. “What did you mean when you said ‘once’?”

Your brows come together in inquiry.

“What?”

"When I asked you if you have ever been in love, you said ‘once’." He persists, his fingers come up to your shoulder, grazing slightly as if they’re trying to carve out words against the skin. "You weren’t talking about Jeongin.”

He knows. He’s always known. Hyunjin can’t believe he’s been so stupid.

“Took you long enough.” You let out a sardonic laugh.“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?”

"It matters to me..." Hyunjin sounds offended, you gather, but he manages to quell his temper for the sake of coaxing your confession. Is he purposely embarrassing you?  "I don’t think...I love Haseul anymore...I didn’t realise...I haven’t for a long time."  

A big chandelier beams over withering plants pushed against the ceiling, in this poor supply of light, you can tell exactly how he looks, eyes glimmering adoringly, you've spent something-teen years of your life wondering what it's supposed to mean. And it still manages to confuse you.

"Why are you telling me this?" you ask, albeit you already know.  Because funnily enough, before he got his braces removed and dyed his hair a scandalous blonde, before bucket lists and heartbreak, he was just the boy who told you he liked your stupid reindeer sweater even though it had officially made you the 7th grade laughing stock. You remember being fifteen and in love with Hyunjin. And you've never actually stopped. You need to hear it to believe it.

It drives you crazy. The way Hyunjin brushes his fingers against your cheek, shifting strands away from your eyes. But you can't help it, you've always wanted this. You lean into the caress, peering up at him as his large hand cups your jaw, thumb traversing from your tilted chin to your glossy lips like he's trying to smooth out all the creases. His voice is small, a whisper.

"Because I need you to know I think I’m falling in love with you.” he says. His palm opens and there’s a plastic mistletoe nestled between his fingers. You’re smiling and sniffling whilst his forehead comes to press against yours. Hyunjin grins. “And there’s still one last item on my list.”

“Are you seriously asking me to land one on you now?”

“Oh hell yeah.”

— 

"Move."

You press your fingers against the slick, sweaty skin.

In rebuttal, Hyunjin grumbles under his breath. Only half awake, half aware that he was mumbling in his sleep. His naked chest seems to be, if it’s even possible, glued to your bare front as he sprawls out like a starfish over your body, using his gangly arms to accommodate the strange position.

Though and you know he knows it too — it’s anything but uncomfortable.

See by now, you aren't exactly a stranger to Hyunjin's sleeping habits. Or really, any habits of his.

All the windows are cracked open, moonlight percolating through a thin sheet of curtains in rendering evidence that it’s still night time. You can make out the faint sound of  honking in the distance, a few stray dogs here and there, probably producing strings of complaints about the blatantly unbearable heat.

The strong stench of sweat and an aftermath of what happened before is a quick reminder of where you are, what you’re doing and that your arm’s going cold for a lack of circulation under his weight. Beads of sweat collected against his skin and trickle down the side of your face, the crook of your neck, which only prompts you to apply more force to the pads of your index and pointer — albeit it did nothing to move him, "Gross." You groan. "You're sweating like a pig!"

This comment, of all the things you've tried to get him to sleep on his side, succeeds in making Hyunjin raise his head, his grey hair matted down, a few rogue strands pushed out to fall over the unamused look in his eyes.

In an unprecedented minute of absolute clarity, something inside your stomach started to churn at the shocking sight. You’re impossibly, absolutely and nauseatingly in love with Hwang Hyunjin and the funny thing is, you don’t have to think twice to know he is too.

"Gross?" Hyunjin lowers his face to brush his pouted lips along your jaw, grinning when you let out a shaky but involuntary breath and as if he is looking to make a point with his digits traversing from your bare stomach, just along the hem of your underwear,   "After all that?"

"I hate you." You say — but more like, stutter. The sound of his giggles eliciting a strange sensation in you, reverberating against your chest, knocking against his ribs and your skin, like it’s trying to reach out to you, like your bodies insist on melding into one.

"I don’t think you’re being honest, baby." He laughs, squeezing your side, coming up to plant a warm palm to your butt to repeat the action, which in turn, drew a mewl from you. “Because you looove me.” Hyunjin smirks, his finger thumbing along your throat to your chin. You think this is what all those great poets meant in endless litanies of lovers torn apart by time and war woven together in a simple caress, like a longing, like a secret. Guarded from prying eyes, greedy hands, and you keep it, you keep it. For him. With him.

[hollyhomburg]

Reasons Wretched and Divine (Pt. 7)

(Hybrid au) (YoonMinJoon x Reader) (Mafia au) 

Summary: After years of abuse, you’ve all finally found each other. But for one of you- the fear still lingers, hidden in the shadows. Yoongi doesn’t want much, just a few more weeks, but he only has until the end of the summer. 

Parings: Snake hybrid! Yoongi x Dog hybrid! Jimin x Dog hybrid! Namjoon x Pregnant! Reader, Platonic Vmin, allusions to 2seok, 

Genre: Hybrid au, Polyamory au, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Pregnancy, Mafia au

Tags:  Domestic abuse, references to sexual abuse- and choosing to have sex even though you’ve been through sa, physical abuse, polyamory negotiations, Post-traumatic stress disorder, mute characters, brief gore at the end, pregnant m/c, frottage, marking kink, fingering, oral f. receiving, Voyeurism, exhibitionism, implied death but dont worry I do not write MCD!!!!

A/n: just for posterity's sake! i was drunk when i posted this! enjoy! full gangbang comes in (y/n) next chapter! (oh god im going to hell).

W/c: 10.5k

Song Rec: Like Real People do ~ Hozier

~ Series Masterlist ~

2 Years Earlier

-  If Jeon Jungkook where so esoterically inclined, he would write a book on how he had become the most dangerous man in the underworld. It would be a short book though; because Jungkook had only 2 rules for himself. The first was to always get up after he’d been hit during a fight (even if it took him a second) and the second was to know when to mind his own business. 

- Jungkook was always able to get up after being hit, Even when he’d been a street kid, with not a penny to his name and a whole lot of anger in his mouth. ready to spit vitriol at anyone who would pause and listen. He’d always been able to get up. The pain giving him a kind of sick clarity that he eventually sought out instead of tried to escape. Jungkook could never think as clearly as he did during a fight; or when he was in pain. And that was probably because of his father. 

- But whatever. That man was 6 feet under, (his mother on the other hand- no- that bitch certainly had more than one dept to pay still). He didn’t have a lot of time or energy to put into dealing with that particular trauma (why he honestly felt like sometimes- he liked being hit). Most of his energy went into staying alive. Even now- when living and surviving teetered on the same edge. Jungkook had more pressing matters to tend to than dealing with his own fragile mind. 

- The way he would get up and hop around for a second to soak in the clarity after being hit during a scuffle was one of the reasons why he’d been given his street name: The Playboy Bunny; further set in stone with his tattoo of the same moniker under his left eye. A cheekbone he’d tap and say “you want to hit me? why don’t you try your luck and see how well it turns out for you.” 

- He was doing reconnaissance, Sneaking around the back alley with his hood up and his glasses on- disguising his black eye that was sure to get more than a few looks from passers-by. The ears of the playboy bunny tattoo peeking out over the top of his mask. 

- He keeps his eyes on the crowd waiting for some sort of handoff- to see anything at all. But he’d lost his target through the crowd and has no drive to find them in the dizzying rush of people and umbrellas. Not yet. Not when the hum of addiction lurks in his veins. 

- Jungkook pauses lighting a cigarette, when a commotion to the side hidden around a corner- blurs his concentration. The world snapping back into focus when he sinks his fingernails into his palm. Terse voices. A couple fighting in the alleyway perpendicular to his. 

- Minding his own business was a particular skill of his- it took one kind of person to know when to step in, and another to know which problems weren't worth the headache. And unless it involved the acquisition money or some step therein, it wasn’t a problem worth getting into in Jungkook’s opinion.

- But Jungkook can’t stop his ears from hearing snippets of conversation, a low and angry male voice. The sound of a smack. “You just had to embarrass me like that, didn’t you? First, you come out dressed like a slob and then you act like a fucking whore- I swear if I see you give eyes to another man this week I'll beat you five ways to Sunday”

- The sound of a soft female voice, so quiet- almost indistinguishable from the pouring rain, “I wasn’t-” another smack.

- Jungkook has been hit so many times he knows the sound of it, the ragged gasp the woman lets out, also quite- like even the pain takes up too much space. 

- His body starts to move before his mind thinks it through as he gives up position in favor of investigating the noise. There he sees it, ivy growing up the wall next to the back exit of some restaurant. A woman, small crouching in front of a grotesque man. A baggy coat buttoned tight around her small form. hair swept back in a tight bun. Red lipstick smudged. Though you check your hands and think its blood for a moment before you remember you’re wearing it. 

- Jungkook waits for a moment before he watches you stand on shaky legs. you get up. 

- The rest of the underworld might be old grudges and blood feuds but Jungkook was only here to be a businessman. He didn’t have time for ego and arrogance, let alone time for altruism... 

- Usually. 

- He looks on for a moment, too sluggish without nicotine, but Jungkook’s lingering stare almost seems to spur the man on. He’s wearing a jacket with a military patch, a badge; some sort of congratulation for service done no doubt. and Jungkook feels his distaste for the man deepen. 

- “What you looking at punk?” he slurs. Stalking forward as if to shove Jungkook. He almost wants to tut- that would be an expensive action. Jungkook wonders if the man is maybe high or drunk or both. He’s has had his fair share of experience with junkies and he knows one when he sees one. 

- “Nothing, just a pig beating his girlfriend.” The man settles for shoving Jungkook back. And Jungkook lets him. You don’t look up, don’t do anything but lean to the side, like the brick wall is the only thing keeping you up. Jungkook sees the back of your hand, black and blue, the other bruises on your neck. You only make eye contact with him once. Just slightly. Barely in passing.  

- You look like Jungkook used to look. He remembers in the savage bite of an open-handed slap- the fear he sees in your eyes. He looks and looks. And it aches so viscerally as Jungkook watches you go, your hurt echoes through him. You look beaten down and broken like Jungkook used too; before he’d decided he was done taking punches from people who were supposed to love him- Were supposed to care. 

- (Before he realized life wasn't supposed to hurt) 

- He’s never been one to feel things for other people, the empathy sparing him through most of the suffering he’s seen. It’s not that he’s unfeeling; it’s just that Jungkook’s life has forced him to feel concerned only for himself and no one else. His own survival is his first priority; Not others. 

- He watches you walk away, And you don’t look back at him. Rushing to keep up with your husband's steps. He waits until you disappear into the crowd before he lifts his phone to his ear and makes a call. “Hey, I need you to flag all of the cars that leave the parking lot, they’re just a couple, should be coming to you soon.”

- Jeon Jungkook had become the most powerful man in the underworld because of two reasons; by being able to take punches, and by knowing when to mind his own business. 

- But For this, Jungkook thinks he can make an exception.

- (You won't remember meeting Jeon Jungkook, but Jungkook will always remember you).

~.~

Now

-It comes as no surprise that your little speech fades after a few days and the rest of the hybrids quick to return to treating Yoongi with a mix of disdain and fear. Though mostly- this seems to be caused by Minhyung's group and the other canine hybrids. Namjoon hears them whispering about ‘favoritism’ before they catch on that he’s listening in. And in the days following your impromptu departure from the farm, you find people quiet even further whenever Yoongi's brought up. Staring when Yoongi comes close, afraid to interact with him.

- Even Jimin is greeted mostly with silence from all but a few. The bunny hybrids don’t act so skittish anymore, and the cat hybrids could care less used to sticking to their own group. Taehyung seems to have encouraged the other bear hybrids to make an actual effort and they at least say hello now. It’s better than the derisive comments of the dog hybrids, or the snooty noses stuck high in the air of the dear hybrids and other exotic breeds. 

- They know Jimin is close to Yoongi and Namjoon, and now he feels even more like an outsider that before (somehow it doesn't matter as much as before). The only ones who don’t act overtly different are the new hybrids; Hoseok and the small lion hybrid. but They were never around to learn how to hate Yoongi in the first place.

- it's a little cute- the way that Hoseok will always shout Yoongi's name in greeting (though you're unsure if that's just his personality now that he's started to grow into himself). Hoseok is unbothered by Yoongi's reaction; to shy away from anything that will draw more attention to himself. But Hoseok's smile is so bright and elastic that even he has a hard time ignoring the otter hybrid. You hope there will be a friendship there eventually, that yoongi will open up to more than just your group. 

- The little lion kit is a new addition too, she's not the only young feline hybrid you have at the farm but she is the friendliest. She gets pretty close to the other cats that work in the kitchen almost instantly. Probably on account of her young age (she's barely 7) and the eldest cat hybrid seems to be particularly fond of the little one.

- She's curious and kind to Yoongi too- excitedly running up to him more than once to show him a little rock or some flower she found- and yoongi will marvel and nod, and if Jimin is near- he'll lean close and tell her how pretty it is. 

- She doesn't seem at all deterred by Yoongi's lack of voice. one day she even sees Jimin, her ears perking up excitedly, tail swishing. "Hello Yoonies voice!" it's a little cute- even if it does make yoongi splutter a little. But she's not exactly wrong; Jimin does talk for yoongi more these days. 

- She Always comes bounding up to you and giggling happily to be picked up. Her little legs stretching around your waist, small bottom sat atop your baby bump. Making you get the kind of look that makes Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin sigh and look impossibly fond. They can only imagine what you’re going to be like once your little one is born. Your due date is barely 2 months away.

- In truth- you’re starting to get a little bit big. You say it one morning with Namjoon. After he asks you why you’re looking into the mirror with such a displeased expression. The sound of your terse voices alerts Yoongi and he comes to the door to your bedroom to witness your spat. Making a flippant hand movement at Namjoon to back off. Namjoon could smell your distress on you when you looked in the mirror, his voice tense but breaking. “Baby just tell me, why you think you’re not beautiful like that? let me understand. Cuz to me- you look more irresistible every day.”

- It’s not that you exactly wanted him to agree with you that you were nearing the size of a whale- but this doesn’t help at all either. His unending insistence- doesn’t he see? when he looks in the mirror doesn’t he see what you do? His instance that everything is alright doesn't help when you’re feeling this self-conscious.

- Yoongi helps you, fiddling with Namjoon’s closet for a second before he pulls out an extra-large white shirt of his and helps you into it- tying it loosely over your baby bump so that it flatters your waist a little more. The attention that Yoongi shows you clearly making you flustered. Then he drags you to the mirror, tugging your hair out of its bun, the tension going out of your shoulders.

- Yoongi doesn’t know it, but Namjoon does. Your late husband used to always be so particular about your hair, yanking on it harshly if it was left down. and An easy way to avoid him yanking on it was to leave it up. And sometimes you still pull it up convinced it’s safer even though he’s dead and gone. It’s scary how simple it is- but the second your hair comes down your whole body relaxes.

- All the while Namjoon watches from your bed. And you take in yourself, the baby hairs free-floating against your forehead; Yoongi curls one gently around his finger and then lets it go. You take in the way that the fabric hangs now, making you look a little more proportional, Yoongi gives you a satisfied smile behind your back and you have to sigh and admit it. “Okay- okay- I’ll give you this- I’m not a whale”

- “And even if you where you’d be a pretty whale.” Yoongi has the good sense to hurl a pillow in Namjoon’s direction, but it makes you laugh all the same- the heaviness in your chest abated a little. Your sleeve brushing Yoongi’s as you head downstairs, Namjoon trailing behind.

- The beach trip was a nice distraction from chores but the real work comes crashing down on them the next few days. Your little group feels closer than ever, you rarely part from any of them for long and their intention, their little acts of care never fail to make you feel flustered and taken care of.

- Jimin always holds out a hand for you to take when you’re stepping over uneven ground, Yoongi makes a startled noise whenever you so much as get close to a hose that might trip you, always gesturing for you to pause and take a break whenever you’re working in the garden. Namjoon too, always running back and forth from whatever project he’s working on to check on you and make sure you have water or food.

- At night, Namjoon takes your stretch mark cream from you, rubbing down your baby bump and your hips, the little lines of lighter skin on your waist get little kisses from him.  

- Even if you want just a snack, Namjoon and Yoongi will bring you a full meal- convinced that you need to be eating more than you are. At dinner Yoongi fills up your plate- piling it high with more food then you could fit in your already crowded tummy. And he always eyes you suspiciously when you can’t finish the full plate. Namjoon too will level you with a look- asking if you really are full. 

- Since your pregnancy has progressed, you’ve become a little moodier, and a little hornier whenever way the wind blows. And Namjoon doesn’t help that much at all- and by that you mean, he makes it worse. When he comes out of the field with his shirt off and tucked into his shorts all of his thickness, his muscles that make you ravenous. 

- During lunch one day he drags you away to a forgotten tool shed, though it would be easier just to go up the hill to your bedroom- you feel like teenagers sneaking around like this. 

- Namjoon presses into you as he hits the latch on the door, muffling your giggles with kisses as you hide from the hybrids outside, voices that you can dimly hear, unable to pick out any one particular yet- but you know they're there. 

- You and Namjoon might bicker like an old married couple. But you also act like teenagers gooey and giggly and so so so in love. “Do you think that they can hear you like this? Or smell you, my love?” Namjoon is always quick to tell you how delectable you smell when you’re horny. His more sensitive nose-picking it up the second you feel a slickening between your thighs.

- You’re shaky when you respond. “I don’t know, maybe?” Namjoon always has this passionate intense air about him. He’s slightly possessive- but you’d never fault him for that not when it’s all about protecting and providing for you. Not when he always puts your pleasure first (you feel like you may have turned into a slight pillow princess with him). 

- Namjoon heaves you up onto the edge of a bench and then gets on his knees. Gently lifting your leg over his shoulder. He’s always mindful of how much you can move in your swollen state. He checks to make sure he’s not bending your hips in an uncomfortable way. 

- You put your hands back on the dusty bench to stabilize yourself as you lie back, Namjoon wastes no time in pressing his face close to your cunt and inhaling, His nose prodding at the thin fabric of your underwear. One of his ears caught on the hem of your dress. His fingers digging into the plushness of your thighs- so full and healthy it makes him hard in his pants. 

- He’s slow with the appreciation of your thighs and hips. Hands gripping and moving on to touch and feel like you have all the time in the world. But you hear voices outside the tool shed you’ve commandeered and you could just slip out and go back up to your house- but somehow you like this better. The thought of being discovered stirring an unsure heat in your stomach. 

- You can hear Taehyung's voice, and then- like a shock through your core- you hear Jimin’s. Namjoon can feel your jolt. And you realize- his sensitive ears must have known who it was before your own human ones did. He chuckles- teasing his fingers along the hem of your underwear, almost daring to slip inside.

- You almost whine when you think about what you’re being denied- the harsh pull of his fingers that you’re so addicted too, how thick his fingers and knuckles feel (almost as nice as his cock) when they pull out and push in.

- Yoongi and Namjoon have always had the most lovely hands, it’s strange that when Namjoon touches you- you think about Yoongi’s hands. The way you clench around his fingers at that has Namjoon’s tail wagging. "you're thinking about them aren't you," The way you clench around his fingers at that has Namjoon’s tail wagging. Because yeah; Yoongi and Jimin are apart of Namjoon’s pack too, and bonding and group sex are kind of the same thing to hybrids. You’d found that out the hard way when you’d found a group of cat hybrids all tangled together in the grass the other day.

- Namjoon is always so gentle with you because of your condition, but you find your hips jerking with want. His fingers still when he feels the way your wetness has spilled out the sides. His thumb pressed over your clit teasingly. “smell so good when you're like this So wet my love, are you thinking about them finding you like this?” 

- “Y-yes” you confess, and Namjoon growls, nipping at you through the fabric, the feel of his teeth brushing you, over the sensitive skin. The fabric cushioning the feeling, makes you almost gush, and you know you’ll be shakily legged by the time he lets you get down. And that he won’t let you get away from him until he’s taken care of you in this way, sated you in every sense of the word. 

- But he can also tell how shy you are, the heat under your skin at the thought of being discovered. always unsure how much of your dirty talk is a real want and not just something you like in theory. Namjoon knows the idea of sharing you with the others might seem like the most natural and hottest thing; to love you alongside them. but to you- a human, hybrid sex and hybrid bedroom dynamics aren't as given. 

- So he leans close, sliding your underwear down your legs slowly, letting you feel the heat of his palms on your skin. You're getting worked up a little too quickly, your heaving breaths needy. God damn pregnancy hormones you'd say if you could think beyond the plush feeling of his lips pressing a kiss to your clit. “Gotta clean you up for them, if they smelled you like this- then they’d know wouldn’t they?” 

- You prove Namjoons initial assumption wrong. “What if I-” you whisper- gasping quietly as Namjoon drags the fabric to the side and glides a delicate lick over your folds. “What if I want them to know?” the pleasure thrumming through your body as Namjoon licks up your slit. Namjoon stills, ears perked, eyes flashing in the half-light. The snarl against your cunt loud and echoic.

- The voices outside fall silent and Namjoon doesn't stop his ravenous licking no matter if you have to bite your lip to keep your noises in. One of your hands scrambling to pull at his hair and find something to grip onto and anchor yourself against the onslaught of pleasure. Jimin is the first one to puncture the silence, “What was that?” 

- Then comes Seokjin's voice “all of you- move along- whoever it is they probably don’t want the three of you listening in like a bunch of horn dogs” which is basically a confirmation that they were listening in, and that Yoongi was there too. 

- When you finally exit the toolshed with weak legs, sure you’re going to have to at least got change your underwear. You find a bleary-eyed Seokjin a few dozen feet away, obviously upwind of the toolshed. he levels Namjoon with a tired expression. “You both have dirt on your knees” Namjoon has the good sense to look shy at that. You hastily brush off the spots on his, and he on yours.

- If Jimin and Yoongi smell anything on you later- they don’t say anything and the idea that they might make you feel hot all over whenever they lean in too close. You think you see a blush on Yoongi’s face more than once, and maybe see him adjust his pants out of the corner of your eye, but Jimin seems blissfully unaware.

- You have a check-up at the doctor’s office in the coming days. And although only Namjoon is allowed in the room with you (they have a two-person maximum because the ultrasound room is tiny), Yoongi and Jimin also accompany you. Namjoon comes bounding out after, waving the picture and smiling so so wide, both Yoongi and jimin leaning in close to get a better look- they’re so enamored with the little photo. And when you get home- Namjoon shows anyone that asks how the check-up went, eventually hanging it on one of the two fridges in the kitchen.

- Jimin is the only one who seems to notice the jealous looks- because you went out for ice-cream after and come home with them still partially melting (you’d had another craving- french-fries dunked in ice cream of all things). One of the other hybrids having heard Jimin talk to Tae about the beach trip too. They come to you at the end of the day, 2 bunnies, a cat, a fox and one of the bears- a mish moshed group of hybrids; petitioning you to start the beach trips for everyone.

- You can only fit so many people into the back of your truck so you pick a day and start a raffle for spots. Jimin throws his name into the hat just in case but to his surprise, Yoongi doesn’t. No matter how much Jimin bugs him too; He won’t agree to accompany Jimin to the beach again. Shaking his head with a roll of his eyes back tipped back against the grass, his sunhat crumpled. Offering up a few sweet tomatoes to soothe Jimin’s sour nerves. 

- The peace lasts for a couple of days before they’re right back to treating Yoongi like shit and for some reason, it pisses Jimin off more. No matter how many times he’s heard Namjoon asks Yoongi to please tell him when anything happens. The snake hybrid seems unable to fight back.

- Jimin asks one of the hybrids why she won’t look at Yoongi (after the snake has already gone up the hill to retrieve another dish for dinner) and beyond a startled look, she just says “none of us can smell him” she throws a stack of paper towels down onto the table angrily. The deer hybrid across from them stumbling with their silver wear But she doesn’t need to re-iterate herself. Jimin understands- it’s hard to trust someone who can lie to your face- and in the world of hybrids where emotions can be decreed from a simple sniff, Jimin can’t say he doesn’t see where they’re coming from.

- Doesn’t excuse their behavior, however. After all- Jimin can smell Yoongi’s emotions through his scent and he didn't realize that was something strange until now. To Jimin, Yoongi’s scent is soft and sweet- something gummy and soft like a marshmallow. But that’s probably because he spends so much time with the hybrid. The others only spend so much time around him and are unused to his scent. And the fact that he never talks and never tries to socialize doesn’t help.

- Jimin can’t imagine not wanting to smell more of it- not leaning in whenever the other hybrid passes. Jimin wants to bury his face in Yoongi’s neck and rub his cheek all over it. The same way that Namjoon does to him in the morning if he shows up before he’s changed from his pajamas. And he knows he smells soft like sleep- an alluring smell to the older alpha when he comes down the stairs, ears straight up eyes wide as he takes in all of Jimin's vulnerability.

- and it might have to do with what Taehyung had said- that alphas eat up that sort of thing. 

- Namjoon smells good too, his scent all soft mornings and sleepy walks, the older hybrid large and so pliant in his sleepiness, eyes swollen and face puffy as he hides in Jimin’s shoulder. Sending his pine scent all over so that it sticks to jimin no matter where he is. So that jimin will smell like Namjoon all day. 

- One of the cat hybrids at the sink rolls her eyes. But when you come down the stairs smelling much the same. You touch his arm so softly in passing, like you can’t believe you’re allowed. And Jimin’s senses are a dizzying blur of cream, peaches, pine, and marshmallow. 

- when he goes back to the barns, hazy at being scented by Namjoon so thoroughly. Taehyung levels him with a funny look and a chuckle. "you're more devious than anyone gives you credit for" thought Taehyung means it good-naturedly- it's good to have a friend to ask how to go about flirting with. the other hybrids gathered on the couch in front of the tv; some cartoon playing- pretend like they're not listening in. 

- "How do you know so much when you don't have a pack of your own Tae?" he asks over breakfast, the two of them clutching breakfast burritos on their way to check Tae's bees. Tae doesn't meet Jimin's eyes "you're just lucky- most hybrids dont find a pack so easily Jimin" his words aren’t jealous- only a little patronizing. And Jimin accepts it because he knows he has a lot to learn.

- Taehyung is right- out of all of the hybrids at the farm, there are only a few who have paired up or even made stronger groups or multi-person packs. the bunnies and the cats don't form set generally- though there are a few pairs and more than a few throuples.

- Jimin as caught Yeonjun making out with a tabby more than once- has learned to avoid certain sections of the woods all together because everyone knows that's where the bunny hybrids like to go in the afternoons. The canine hybrids are the only ones who have packs, though there are more than half a dozen loners like jimin and namjoon.

- It's hard for Jimin to cohabitate with them even though there are other larger predators and more than a few prey hybrids living in Jimin's barn. he hadn’t really realized until taehyung pointed it out that each different pack occupied one corner of the punk room. More than once- the room in the barns has felt hostile if only for the packs that have claimed either corner of the bunkroom. it's usual to wake up and find more than one of the pups cuddling with another in one single bed. 

- Having reciprocated love in his pack shouldn't feel like an impossibility to Jimin. But still, when Yoongi steps close- an inch too far away, his fingertips barely brushing- Jimin just- yearns. It’s a soft sort of yearning, the kind that has jimin jumping up whenever Yoongi needs something. Has him settling a think knit blanket over Yoongi’s nobly knees during movie nights, and sticking his own feet underneath the edge of the blanket. Feet Pressed to the clothed line of his calf. Maybe nothing will ever come of it, But Jimin yearns with everything he’s got regardless.

- In the late hours of the night, when Jimin lies awake thinking about the three of you. An instinct welling inside of him that says he should walk up the hill and fall asleep on your couch just to be closer to you three (the pack instinct- Taehyung calls it, looking a little bit sad himself when jimin asks him, the other hybrid moving away before jimin can ask exactly what that means) Jimin wonders if his feelings will ever be reciprocated.

- But love is a strange thing, it’s not just about saying it with kisses or touches- though Jimin wants them too. There is love in the small things, in building something together so that’s what Jimin tries to do. Every day- he takes to gardening with a new vigor. Shouting in joy when you harvest some of the tomatoes- filling up a whole gallon bucket with the amount that have ripened over the last week. Your peppers and cucumbers are beginning to produce more too.

- Jimin and Yoongi run to Namjoon just to give him a handful. The alpha gives each of them a sweet nuzzle in thanks, even if Yoongi chirps and moves back after a moment. A flush high on his cheek. Namjoon looking up at Yoongi from where he’s stopped- cheek on the elder's shoulder. The snake relaxing after a moment. 

- You spend the rest of the day showing Jimin and Yoongi how to prepare the tomatoes to make a sauce, roasting them on low heat. Cutting garlic so so carefully, and whenever Jimin looks across the prep table- Yoongi’s gaze darts away. halfway through- yoongi stoops down, sticking his socked feet into jimin’s lap, and it feels so nice, to have their weight there. 

- You go over to Yoongi at one point, and he tips his head back to look up at you. The back of his head is at the right height to lye up against your baby bump. And Jimin watches, as you slowly, so slowly, brush the hair out of his eyes and away from his forehead. Yoongi’s eyes flutter closed and he tips his face into your hand. Letting out a low happy grumble when you take his action as positive reinforcement, and drag your nails over his scalp. In Jimin’s lap, Yoongi’s toes curl. 

- It feels strange- and Jimin can’t quite put his finger on it- but it almost feels like Yoongi is letting you all touch him more than ever. Suddenly okay with touches- as long as it’s in a more private setting. Jimin can’t say he’s unhappy about it. Maybe one-day yoongi will even let Jimin scent mark him. 

- Jimin smiles at Yoongi’s happy little snake grumbles. And keeps chopping his garlic. Is happy to receive the same kind of scratch from you a few minutes later. Though he might abandon his chopping in favor of rubbing his face all over your stomach when the instinct strikes him. Jimin unintentionally lets out a growl when you start to move away. Slapping a hand over his mouth and apologizing, no matter how you and Yoongi laugh.

- Still, despite the happiness, you have in your kitchen, in your house, whenever you’re around each other. The rest of the world is not so kind.

- An adoption day comes at arguably the worst and best time. There is still a fair amount of friction between your group and the rest of the hybrids. And a few outsiders at the farm only make it worse. Though Yoongi, Jimin, and Namjoon aren’t the only hybrids who wear red stickers to indicate that they are not available for adoption.

- Hoseok surprisingly- grabs a yellow sticker. And the three of your hybrids watch- as Seokjin hovers around him- a red sticker on his own lapel- wary of all and anyone who interacts with the otter hybrid. His glares putting off all but the most attentive patrons. That's where it starts.

- Jimin is unfortunately caught in the middle when seokjin confronts hoseok. off to help the three of them bring down 3 trays of cut watermelon for the hybrids and the patrons. The dinner tables have been set out on the side of the field piled high with Hors d'oeuvre. You’re there with Namjoon greeting the humans. Games are set out too- for the hybrids and humans to play. 

- it’s no secret that they’ve gotten close, and jimin had assumed they’d talked about it- but apparently not. Seokjin is so angry he’s nearly crying. “why- hoseok- why do you want to leave the farm?” Hoseok’s little otter ears are tight against his scalp. “I just- I didn’t want to assume?”

- “Oh- so you’d rather just- throw away everything that we’re trying- all of this- you don’t you dont want to stay do you-” Jimin has never seen seokjin looking so lost, and he knows enough to guess that Seokjin’s anger is at least in part to due to some trauma (later- Jimin will find out that Seokjin’s mother left him with his last owner- an abusive man- to save herself).  

- Jimin knows enough to get in between them, telling them to calm down and spend a minute away from each other. Jimin ends up with Hoseok- “it’s hard Jimin- how do you, how do you have so much sureness with Y/n? with Namjoon and yoongi too? How do you look at them and trust that you should stay?” Hoseok's eyes remain on Jimin's red tag. 

- Jimin sighs, thinking it through, “do you look at Seokjin and know he cares about you? like- do you know it in your bones?” Hoseok bites his lower lip, “yes- but-” 

- “Then you should stay Hoseok,” Jimin walks Hoseok up to the main house where the stickers sit on the prep table. Changing out his yellow one for a red one. And when they head off back down the hill, Seokjin is waiting on the path with Yoongi, apologizing and dragging Hoseok away to the barns where Seokjin’s own private room is. Hoseok goes willingly, smiling up at the older hybrid. His narrow shoulders cuddled under one of Seokjin's wide ones. 

- jimin has to admit, an otter and an alpaca are a weird combination for a hybrid pack (But no stranger than a pair of puppies and a snake). His thoughts drift towards Taehyung- and Jimin hopes that his friend won't end up alone. it must not be easy- to see all of you pair off like this. 

- in some ways, that adoption day is full of just as much bullshit as they usually are. there are always people who dont understand the effort it takes to take care of a hybrid- they aren't just like any ordinary pet. it's easy to spot the ones that view them as pets- and less like people. You get a few rich people looking to adopt a companion as always. 

- A substantial group of families also look to adopt similarly aged companions for their single children. And you agree to more than one possible test weekend. You’re always so particular about letting the children go, so wary and so careful in the way you let them interact with the families.

- Though they don’t have parents here- there are more than a few good role models and parental figures. More than one child chooses a red tag for themselves. And they always know have a right to it- no matter how young they are. You make it clear to the group of them; If they don’t want to be adopted they don’t have to be. 

- You even get one couple- the woman withdrawn and sad, and a slightly jealous look at your own pregnant stomach says more than any words could. It’s pretty common for women who can’t have children to adopt hybrid children. and though some of it doesn't sit right with you, You aren’t one to judge. 

- Jimin spends most of the adoption day helping you balance the need for food and for games. running back and forth to the house to help. Though there is a little work that needs to be done here and there just to keep the farm running as usual. grey storm clouds roll in halfway through the day, puncturing the blue sky- foretelling scattered showers and storms. and jimin hopes it will cut the adoption day short so that you can return to your routines. 

- Jimin is just helping Yoongi putting away a broken badminton net When it happens- Jimin isn’t certain why it does. Only that he hears the words outside the shed after Yoongi's just excited to grab the broken rackets (Namjoon isn't the only clumsy hybrid you have at the farm). 

- “oh sorry- ew gross,” a shrill female voice says, and then he rounds the corner and sees yoongi picking himself up from the dirt- a rich lady and her peacock hybrid looking down at him like he’s the dirt beneath his shoes. The peacock hybrid has Yoongi’s sun hat in his hands and there is another hybrid- a wolf hybrid from the farm with a green sticker on his shirt, who growls down at yoongi.

- His shoulders shake too the way they do when he’s been touched and he doesn’t want to be. Jimin has seen you brush your fingers over the back of Yoongi’s hand, has even felt the coolness of the snake hybrid through the fabric when the elder grabbed his sleeve. Has touched him even more intimately as of late. But he knows that Yoongi can’t tolerate being touched by people he doesn’t trust- doesn’t want to touch him. basically, anyone, that's, not you, Namjoon, or Jimin himself. 

- “Hey- what the fuck!” Jimin spits, grabbing the sunhat out of the hybrid's hand with a growl, his ears flat against his head. If Jimin had elongated canines like Namjoon they would be barred in anger as he shoves the larger hybrid back. Yoongi shrinks impossibly smaller behind him.

- Jimin is hot and itchy from the heat and the humidity, and he really just wants to shower and cool off. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with entitled people today. And more importantly- no one touches Yoongi on Jimin’s watch.

- The hybrid looks surprised to be talked to in that way, he’s nearly a head taller than Jimin let alone the slightly taller feathers that poke out of the top of his head that give him the appearance of several more inches- but Jimin’s intimidating enough with his set expression to send the hybrid huffing away. Feathers fluffed.

- The peacock's iridescent feathers stand up on end as he grabs the hand of his human owner, her diamond tennis bracelet glittering in the sunlight. “This was getting boring anyway. Sorry” he tosses over his shoulder at the canine hybrid, who looks so disappointed his ears pinned back against his head. They only give him that- barely a look, before they’re heading off down the hill in the direction of the line of cars parked on the grass.

- The wolf hybrid deflates audibly- watching the woman and the other hybrid disappear down the hill. promises of home and family disappearing in a moment, but Jimin has to think- if they’d be discouraged so easily- were they really worth it? The wolf hybrid doesn't seem to think so- Turning his angry tear-filled eyes on Jimin. 

- But Jimin can see the hate in his eyes and knows not to mistake the tears for only sadness. “You both ruin everything” he growls out- before they too run back towards the barns- no doubt to tell the others how Yoongi had sabotaged their adoption. Even though that was far from the truth. in all honestly- yoongi just bumped into the lady- or more probably- the lady bumped into him when he was on his way out of the shed.

- Jimin holds out his sunhat to Yoongi, who takes it from Jimin carefully, Jimin doesn’t linger on the fact that his hand still shakes. Jimin’s hand lingers somewhere close enough where Yoongi could touch it could reach out if he wants too. If he wants to get that kind of comfort from Jimin's touch- then Jimin will willingly give it. 

- a faint flush coats the elder's cheeks. Oh no- he must be overheating then, Jimin feels a rush of concern. He knows what you would do, hover your hand close enough to Yoongi’s forehead, usher him upstairs for a break in the air conditioning, and a glass of icy lemonade.

- All they can hear is the shouts of laughter at the games the others play in the fields, “I understand why you don’t want to stay in the barns, why you don’t want to socialize with some of them, they’re so unkind to you it makes me crazy.” Jimin shakes his head, sour anger filling him like a rotten peach.

- Yoongi, looks more than pacified, looking up at Jimin with an indecipherable look. Most of the time, Jimin can get a good guess on how he’s feeling but not now- not that indecipherable heaviness he finds there. or the strangely heavy marshmallow scent that’s fluffed around them. Jimin lets go of Yoongi’s hat.

- After a moment Yoongi nods, and Jimin takes it as a thank you. They’re done for the day and dinner won’t be for another few hours or so. Jimin is ready to avoid some of the strangers and hopefully take advantage of the empty showers. The sky is grey with incumbent storm clouds when Jimin makes his way to the shower buildings which he finds blissfully empty; except for the bear hybrid Jackson that tosses a greeting at Jimin before exiting.

- Jimin doesn’t even bother to flick the lights on, instead of settling for the calm light that comes through the skylights, grey and hazy. the storm clouds have started to roll in properly. He hums as he disrobes, goes to grab his favorite strawberry body wash, and picks the last shower at the end, disrobing in relative comfort, glad for a moment of privacy.

- The blissfully Coldwater does wonders for his overheating muscles, relaxing his body deliciously from a day spent walking up and down the hill. he digests the chaos of the day- seokjin and hoseok fighting, yoongi getting shoved. you'd looked frazzled the last time he'd seen you, smile strained as you made small talk with most of the humans, Namjoon always close incase you needed someone to lean on.

-  Jimin had been able to tell that your feet were sore just by looking at you. Namjoon will probably make you sit down before long, maybe he already has. You’ll probably cut off the adoption day because of the rain. Taking down names and information before you send them on their way. You rarely let a hybrid leave the farm after one adoption day, needing to have more private meetings and house calls to willingly part with one of them. You just want to make sure you dont release them back into another abusive household. 

- He hums as he washes, lingering in the water and taking a longer shower than he usually would. He hums, testing the way his vocal cords wrap around the acoustics of the empty high ceilinged room. 

Then he hears the scuffling of someone in the bathroom too and cuts off. A little abashed at being caught. The rustling getting closer and its a moment before he realizes that the rustling is coming from his own section of the bath. he smells him the second before he pulls the shower curtain gets pulled back. 

- “Yoongi!” Jimin shouts, furiously grabbing at something to cover his nakedness. Jimin furiously tries to cover his crotch, grabbing one of the large bargain bottles of shampoo and hold it there even as cold water runs over his face. Getting into his wide eyes. “Yoongi what the fuck! You’re naked!”

- Jimin is glad that the rumors about snake hybrids having double the appendages as a normal hybrid are false but he can’t stop his blush or his wandering eyes as he sees the snake hybrid in full. Or the hot lick of arousal that shocks him through his core- especially when he recognizes the heaviness to Yoongi's scent as being arousal. 

- there is a single moment, jimin can smell yoongi- can see the want in his eyes, can feel his own scent fluff out to meet his, yoongi sags under the weight of Jimin's scent as the surprise dissipates. "do you-" Jimin's face must be brighter than a tomato. He reaches out a tentative hand, "do you want to-" 

- Before Jimin can do much more than that Yoongi’s lips are on his, tentative but firm and passionate, the fire leaking into him from Yoongi as jimin stumbles in surprise. The kiss tastes like thank you and Ive wanted to do this for longer than i care to admit and everything yoongi can't say, can't let slip past his lips. jimin drops the shampoo bottle which narrowly misses his foot as Yoongi’s hands come up to encircle his jaw so softly like Yoongi is holding the most important thing in his world. Jimin is so shocked that for a moment- he doesn’t kiss back and Yoongi retracts- not before Jimin chases his lips and the snake hybrid returns to him.

- It’s the first time Yoongi’s ever touched Jimin so bare, and the snake’s hands on the back of his neck feel cold and shivery but good. As Jimin’s back hit’s the wall and their fronts press together for a moment, just brushing. Then colliding with more force as they both realize how good it feels to be so close to someone you trust. It’s dizzying- intoxicating, and Jimin knows his mouth is moving sloppily even if he wants to kiss Yoongi with just as much intent. 

- The snake hybrid bites- actually bites- down on Jimin’s tongue. And a strangled whine comes to live and die in his throat. A snarl in his ears from Yoongi's mouth as the snake hybrid keeps his biting, moves to Jimin's throat- bites hard Enough that Jimin knows he'll leave a bruise. "leave more- yoongi please mark me" jimin feels hot with the thought of it- the thought of all the other hybrids being able to smell yoongi on his scent gland. 

- Jimin doesn’t know where to put his hands, he knows enough to know that Yoongi doesn’t like to be touched and unsure if it extends to right now. but it seems okay if he’s doing the touching. His hands sliding down Jimin's back to his waist. He’s a good kisser, the best that Jimin’s ever kissed (not that there have been many) and he tips his head forward to put as much scalding force as he can into it when yoongi leaves his neck in favor of his mouth, trying to match Yoongi’s intensity even if he can’t match his skill.

- Yoongi takes a step forward, and Jimin’s cock brushes his hipbone, and he can’t stop the way his hips jump at the contact, brushing into Yoongi further. Jimin’s blood boils with arousal. Yoongi is equally as hard compared to Jimin. And Jimin doesn't know if its water or precum that he feels on his skin. Can't look down to check.

- By the time Yoongi leans back and finishes running his fingers through Jimin’s hair and over his shoulders. Jimin’s so wound up he feels like he’s about the pass out. The cool water cascading over his back doing nothing to settle him. Yoongi moves his hips- testing the waters, as he grinds, works jimin’s hips into an unsteady rhythm. and jimin moans. 

- Yoongi pulls back, looking at jimin, their noses brushing, like he can’t bear to have jimin farther away from him than this, want heavy in his eyes, and Jimin tastes the words on Yoongi’s lips as good as if he’d said them. “Yoongi” jimin breathes. Palms pressed carefully to the shower wall so that he won’t reach out and yank Yoongi closer. But he’s Weak against the wake of this of all this feeling.

- “fuck- kiss me again- can we- ” Jimin feels strung out, his body heavy with something like heat- maybe Jimin is actually having a heat and it’s not just in his imagination (he wouldn't really know what it felt like- never having had one before because of his malnutrition). But This kind of kissing is certainly enough to trigger one.

- Yoongi opens his mouth for a second, almost like he’s about to speak- or to try to, Jimin’s never been sure if he can- if it’s muteness or just Yoongi being selective. And then in the next moment, Yoongi’s gone, almost tripping on his way out of the showers with how fast he’s leaving jimin. A whine dies in his throat and jimin starts after him, But then Yoongi turns back. Gesturing with a hand for jimin to stay put. Yoongi looks angry, and it takes a moment for Jimin to realize that the anger wasn’t directed at jimin- only at Himself.

- Jimin stays in the shower, water thundering down around him as the sky overhead thunders too. Jimin listens to the faint sound of Yoongi dressing and then leaving the showers. Jimin lets him go. So sure that he has absolutely no idea what just happen- or even if he didn’t imagine the whole thing.

- jimin’s hand on himself doesn't feel nearly good as Yoongi’s did. 

- Yoongi’s hands shake all the way back up the hill, and he hopes his wet hair won’t be too suspicious especially when a mixed group of hybrids crosses his path. Returning to the barns as most of the adoption day festivities have ended.

 - Yoongi’s careful to keep his eyes averted. And like usual- the conversation comes to a halt when Yoongi passes them by. It no longer bugs him the way it might have once. They have a good reason not to want to associate with him. Yoongi’s body shakes with the weight of the things he’s done and the things he’s going to do.

- you gather with 3 families on your porch as you take down their names and contact information. You send yoongi a concerned look as he quickly heads inside the house. Pausing only for a moment before he decides to go to Namjoon first. Later- later he’ll ask you too. 

- Stupid- he’s been so stupid recently. Touching you- indulging in these short sweet touches because he wants more so badly. Knows he can never have it doesn’t stop the wanting. If his owner ever found out what he’s done- if she ever found out what he’d almost done with jimin- she’d surely have Jimin’s hands for it. 

- And as much as Yoongi wishes it were any other way- Jimin almost touching him does remind him of far worse times. Though he’d been the one to initiate it this time- the memories still linger. 

- Times when foreign hands touched his skin as he’d thrashed and screamed trying to protest against the taunting words of his owner. “I’ve never been interested in snake dick but if you want him for tonight you can have him- just be careful- he bites” and he shakes with those memories. Though its been many years. like most kinds of torture- eventually, his owner had grown bored with using yoongi's body as a bargaining chip. Yoongi wonders if he’s ever going to be able to be touched that way without feeling the revulsion at his own body.

- Jimin had come close, but he'd known- known that yoongi didn't want him to touch him. Had seemed more than willing to be touched himself. the revulsion hadn't hit him until the end. 

- The places he’s been touched without his consent feel black and decaying- or like ink, every time someone touches him- Yoongi’s surprised that ink doesn’t come away on your hands soft and delicate. But it didn’t change the fact that Yoongi wanted it- and wants it still. 

- he wants to see you soft and sated the way you look sometimes in the morning when he can smell Namjoon on you- wants to cause it- maybe, someday in the future if you'll let him. He knows you’d be gentle with him. Wouldn’t put your hands anywhere he didn’t want. Would check in with him- going as slowly or as quickly as he wanted too. Namjoon would be able to be gentle too- Yoongi’s sure of it.

- He wants it, even though he knows that want only put you all in danger. He’s an incredibly selfish person. He hopes he never gets to have that intimacy with you, for your sake.

- yoongi should only let himself dream of something good before he goes- sinks back into that life. But the temptation for more is too strong sometimes, his want filling him up like sticky sweet syrup that pollutes every moment. 

- Namjoon is on the second floor of your house and Yoongi takes the stairs two at a time. Folding laundry in what will one day be the nursery for your child. He’s taken the ultrasound up here now- hung it up so he can look at it. and Yoongi is reminded of A few days ago when he gushed about the development of your child to Yoongi in the kitchen comparing them to the size of a fruit. “a cute little cantaloupe- the cutest little cantaloupe”

- You and Namjoon have made the decision not to find out the gender, but the walls of the nursery are still pained blue, puffy clouds above and little flowers below, dandelions and daisies, a stalwart sunflower that curls over the arch of the door half-finished. Yoongi knows you work on the mural it whenever you can. But Namjoon gets a little paranoid about the fumes- you compromise and keep the windows open along with the door to your balcony to allow as much air circulation as possible.

- The crib, a fluffy white thing is already piled into the corner. And Yoongi remembers the first few weeks here when you and Namjoon had overzealously ordered it. He’d come downstairs after dinner one night and found both of you puzzling over the directions. And he’d shooed Namjoon away as he’d helped you put it together. The three of you ending up giggly and punch drunk tired by the time it was fully put together. And then had to carry it all the way up the stairs. 

-A mobile of little felted flowers that Seokjin made you as a thank you present a hangs above the empty Crib- colorful and cute. And Namjoon has set the laundry on the unused changing table in neat stacks. All of the other furniture is piled into the center of the room so that you can paint the walls. He turns when he hears Yoongi, his tail swishing.

- “Hey Yoon- what you get caught in a rainstorm or something?” the rain splatters against the windows with a soft patter and Yoongi drips onto the floor. He never bothered to dry off after the unintentional shower with jimin. Yoongi makes a shrug that means ‘something like that’ and if the younger hybrid hovers on the way that Yoongi’s lips look a little kiss bitten and swollen he doesn’t say a thing. Namjoon knows better than anyone- what they talk about and what they don’t.

- He hands over the slip of paper; “jimin should move into the main house, you and I could clean out one of the storage rooms and move the stuff into the attic.”

-  Yoongi watches Namjoon’s eyes rove over the words a few times. The hybrid purses his lips, “I’ve talked to Y/n about this- and she agrees- but I don’t know if he wants too? He seems pretty comfortable in the barns, he likes Taehyung and they’re friends. and we kind of want to leave it up to him if we can.”

- Yoongi snatches the paperback from him, annoyance flickering in his chest as he rolls his eye. Didn’t Namjoon see that nothing would change if they didn’t push him a little? Jimin is the type to take that kind of abuse again and again if it means not making a fuss. And Yoongi knows it’s only a matter of time before something happens again. He turns it over onto the other side and using the wall as a place to write.

- “He’s already being treated differently because of me” 'me' being double underlined- so that Namjoon really understands what he’s trying to say. Yoongi just wants to make sure Jimin is safe before he goes. Before he needs to leave and before it gets too dangerous and too near a time when his owner will physically retrieve him. Not that Namjoon knows that Yoongi’s presence has an expiration date. Namjoon searches Yoongi’s face for a source to his desperation and finds none.

- Yoongi has never felt worse for keeping secrets. Maybe in another world- Yoongi would have confessed and asked Namjoon, with all of his connections to the police, for help. Yoongi knows enough to put the whole crime system out of whack and yet. Years of negative reinforcement and beatings have taught him to keep his mouth shut and that isn’t going to change now; not when Yoongi’s life isn’t the only one at risk and he knows you’ll all live if he plays by the rules. He doesn't care about his own safety anymore. 

- The second he sees Yoongi’s distraught expression Namjoon steps closer Taking off his flannel and tugging it around his shoulders. Namjoon might not make moves to scent mark Yoongi but dressing him in his clothes is as good as he gets. Namjoon’s comforting alpha scent fluffs around him.

- Yoongi wonders if jimin feels the pull the same way he does. Dynamics are more mobile in snake hybrids and downright non-existent in humans. but they’re more set in canines. Namjoon puts his hand on Yoongi’s clothed arm and Yoongi shuffles close after a second. His nose centimeters from Namjoon’s neck taking in deep breathes to try and steady himself. He didn’t realize he was shaking.

- “It will be alright Yoongi, I promise. He’s gonna be safe.” Namjoon adds quieter. And below them both- in the first floor of the house, he can hear your voice, echoing louder and laughing at some sort of joke, Namjoon’s tail starts wagging at the suggestion of you. “I want them to feel safe too.”

- Yoongi wants to write “he should take my room- I won’t be staying in it soon anyway.” but Yoongi needs to make sure- before he leaves. Jimin has to be included in your little pack. He doesn’t want to think- about what the three of you will go through when he eventually has to leave. The days are counting down to the end of the summer. 

- He’s fucking selfish, so selfish, to kiss Jimin like that when he knows he won't be able to stay in the hybrids life. He’s selfish every time he begs affection off you, every day he keeps Namjoon Company when he’s cleaning up the other barns. Yoongi writing out words in the dust when Namjoon asks him questions. Eyes only searching when Namjoon turns his back. Looking for any sort of hidden compartment. Completing his task even if it’s the last thing he wants to do. Betraying you like this.

- Jimin spends the rest of the day wondering if the kiss with Yoongi was just a dream. But later at dinner, Yoongi won’t meet his eyes, and jimin knows he didn’t imagine the kiss. Guilt sticks to Yoongi, more distracting than honey stuck between your fingertips.

- Both of them go to sleep still thinking about the kiss. Jimin wondering if it will happen again and Yoongi thinking that he’d like it too. His fingers running over his lower and upper lips, mind awash with the memory of jimin’s mouth on his. And night falls heavy like a weighted blanket on the farm. The sky a big sheet with holes poked through for stars. A heavenly breeze tempting away the summer heat.

- All of the hybrids safe and snoring in their beds. Some even paired- if they’ve got it. Two furry bodies packed close on a single bed. Some even dream of homes they mind one day live in or of the people that one day they’ll get to love. The idea of being kept and treasured lulling them into a drowsy haze of anticipation and security. 

- That night, Namjoon knocks on Yoongi’s door. the hybrid leaning up against the doorframe as he watches the snake get ready for bed. “you know... you could sleep in our room if you want, we have an air conditioner in there too.” yoongi has a notepad ready, he knows that Namjoon likes to open all the windows and even the door to your balcony to let the fresh air in so that it feels like you're sleeping outside. He steels himself to think of someone other than himself before he writes- “I’m okay- thanks though” Yoongi writes out. 

- Namjoon lifts one of Yoongi’s blankets to his neck before he leaves, thoroughly scents marking it before he leaves it with Yoongi. And Yoongi sleeps easy that night with his nose pressed to the blanket. Safe and secure in his room. Nothing bad happens to yoongi that night even though he cuddles close to the blanket, and when he wakes in the morning. his heart beats a steady thumping rhythm- his whole body humming with anticipation. 

- It’s different to feel excited about being in love, excited for a day spent close to the people he cares about. And he knows he won't take a single day for granted. 

- The crickets and cicadas chirping in the field. And in a low tone on the tree outside, a morning dove gentle and unassuming. The sun rising over the hills. Tastes of idyllic and smells of Eden. Like lavender and honey.

- A hand outstretched, scrambling in the dirt before it goes still, fingers just a few inches from safety. Blood mixing in with the sand. The morning is not perfect for everyone.

- But even you would say the morning was peaceful, if not for the dead body dumped at the end of your driveway. 

Kofi

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 12]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, overstimulation, tiniest mentions of daddy!kink, a lil bit of a filler chapter!, this is the most btsvt chapter that it’ll ever get so i’m sorry if you dont like that!! 😭😭, a bit of a lighthearted chapter too tbh to ease everyone back into cherry bomb! 💕 I know its been like two fuckin weeks since the last update which is honestly insane to me! I almost couldnt remember where we even left off lmao kdjfhds 😩💕💕 Thank you for being so patient with me and waiting it out while we had two weeks of Monster Mash! Starting Monday, I’m gonna be going back to my normal posting schedule! 💕 have a great rest of the weekend, yall! 🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - ?

“Wait, seriously? You want to work here? But--but I thought you were from out of town?”

Jun’s eyes light up with excitement; fingertips crushing the resume you passed to him moments prior. “Um, well, there was a change of plans… and I’d really like to work somewhere where I have a friend! If you guys are still hiring, that is...” You reply back meekly.

It’d taken you all morning to write up a resume, blushing a little when you realize most of your income had been from camming. It’d also made you pause for a moment when you realized that it meant Jun would also know your real name too; as well as everyone who came through the diner and all of your coworkers.

“Yeah, of course! I, um, just give me a second to pass this to my manager, okay? I’ll be sure to put in a good word!” Jun shoots you a wink before he turns to leave.

You take the opportunity to sit down at a nearby booth, fishing for your phone to text Seungcheol.

‘I think I might be getting the job!!’

cheollie ✨: oh? Not that I doubted you, but is it confirmed already?

‘Mm… Jun is trying to put in a word for me! But I’m confident!’

cheollie ✨: thats my baby ;)

You hear someone call your name hesitantly, only to find Jun standing a few feet away looking at you sheepishly. “Um, sorry, your name’s on the resume so I figured…”

“Oh! Yeah, it’s fine!” You awkwardly giggle. “I figured writing ‘Cherry’ as my name wouldn’t be too smart when you need to cross-reference my ID if I get the job.” Jun laughs as he takes the seat across from you in the booth, papers in hand.

“Well, I convinced my manager to let me interview you. Told him that if we’d be workin’ together that I’d want to scope you out for myself! He bought it, can you believe it!?” Grinning, he sets your crumpled resume down next to a small stack of papers. “I don’t doubt you’d pull your weight around here but I do have to ask… Why here of all places? I thought your, uh, other job was enough? Or I guess I assumed...” You bite your lip, flip-flopping on whether or not you wanted to let him know exactly what happened that led to your sudden decision.

“Um… There were just some big life changes I had to make on the fly and I’ll be living around here now! I’m trying out some new things… I also figured if I worked with you, then you’d know my schedule the best too! And you seem like a really nice and cool guy.”

Jun nods, smiling back at you.

“You got that right!”

“You’re seriously going to start working there?” Jeongguk raises a brow, cables in hand as he sets up the extra PC in his streaming room. “And the guy working there knows you? That doesn’t bother you?”

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, “Yeah and he knows me now too. And knows I’d kick his ass if he tried anything.” You pout from your place in the expensive gaming chair; eyes focused on Jeongguk who shimmies under the desk to start plugging in the cables.

“Well, yeah he does know me, but he’s also one of my regulars and knows the schedules I’ll need, so I think we can trust him!” They both nod and Seungcheol is quick to cross the small room until he’s right behind you.

“He seems like a nice guy though, I don’t think we have to worry.”

Jeongguk slides out from underneath the desk, dusting off his pants as he stands. “And if he does end up being a weirdo, there’s always a place for you at the roller rink!”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes, hands gripping onto the backrest of the chair.

“No.”

“Hey guys, welcome back to Golden Closet Gaming! I’m JK, your regular host! Today, we have a suuuper special guest! Why don’t you introduce yourself, pretty lady~”

You take a deep breath as you lean in close to the mic; somewhat nervous and a little out of your usual element. “Hi everyone~ I’m Cherry! Some of you may know me from, um, the other side of the streaming-sphere but I’m joining my friend today in hopes of boosting our channels together and having a ‘lil bit of fun!!”

Seungcheol sits at the side as he watches the two of you; a small smile painted on his lips at the way the two of you seem to fall into your characters easily despite the somewhat different platforms and influx of different viewers.

The sound of donations and comments pour in a lot quicker than Jeongguk, himself, is used to; eyes wide and eyebrows raised as he pauses to watch them flood the screen.

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

xcaliburDK has donated $100

sleepy_wonu: never thought i’d be donating here but here we are

xcaliburDK: i was always a silent watcher but u kno i had to donate for my favorite girl!

seokGENIE: i feel like i’m entitled to something for taking your shift so i wont be donating, sorry pretty girl

j__min: can’t believe this kid got a collab with you before i did :(

j__min has donated $200

dtsug__a: i dont normally watch streams either but im curious

Jeongguk laughs, still in disbelief as the donations continue to pour in from a combination of your viewers and his. He always made a decent amount from his viewers but he couldn’t deny the pull you had from your viewers as well. “Wow, um okay, my donations are adding up a lot quicker than they usually do. That’s… Hey, whaddya say to streaming with me regularly?” He jokes. 

A shy laugh bubbles up your throat; ears and cheeks burning hot at the idea. You had never collabed with any other streamer before and despite your initial hesitance and unsureness, you too, were shocked to find how well the two of you were doing without your usual content.

“Erm, I’m not very good at gaming though… I don’t think your viewers would like it very much...”

seokGENIE: thats ok jk sucks at gaming too, it wouldnt be too different

j__min: lmao fkjdhf

dtsug__a: does he get roasted often on this channel? If so i’ll be tuning in more often

dtsug__a has donated $100

dtsug__a: for your troubles, pretty gal

“On second thought, let’s let this be a special occasion, huh? Maybe collabs for the holiday, Cherry?” Jeongguk grumbles and Seungcheol has to bite his lip to keep in his laughs from his side of the small room. You start to feel more and more comfortable at the lighthearted atmosphere; tucking a stray hair behind your ear before you lean in towards the mic again.

“Ah! Speaking of, don’t forget to tune into my camshow tomorrow~! JK and I will be gaming on there as well but… with some added fun to match my channel~! 21 and over only~” You blink at the computer screen, still a little unused to the idea that you weren’t technically being filmed. Although, it was a nice change for once; not needing to be all done up for a show and simply just talking to your viewers and reading comments.

sleepy_wonu: is dom daddy gonna be on the show too?

“Dom daddy? Oh you mean Se---”

“Yes! Kind of!” You cut off, laughing nervously. Nobody knew Seungcheol’s name except for Jun and you were trying to keep as much of him private as possible, until he was ready. “In a sense, he’ll be there! You guys will just have to tune in to find out!”

Jeongguk laughs into his own mic, scooting in closer to his desk as he loads up the game.

“I think that’s enough chatting for now, huh? Let’s get started! Tonight we’ll be playing Phasmophobia! We’ll be playing something more lighthearted on Cherry’s channel, as she requested. So tonight we’ll be playing something I picked out. You ready, baby?”

Seungcheol narrows his eyes, quietly taking a sip of his water.

“Ready when you are!”

“I gotta say, sweetheart, for someone who doesn’t play video games too often, you’re not too bad.” Seungcheol comments, nodding his head in amazement as the three of you exit Jeongguk’s PC room. He’d had a hard time keeping in his laughs as he watched from the side and he had to admit, you were even cuter when you were outside of your usual element.

“I have to agree with hyung, but maybe it was also the adrenaline and screaming that kept you goin’.”

The two males share a laugh as you pout and plop down onto Jeongguk’s living room sofa. “Hey, how were the numbers for tonight, by the way?” You ask quietly.

“Honestly? I think we made almost triple of what my channel usually sees. I know I don’t really make a ton off of my streams since I don’t really do anything, like, crazy but shit… Even I’m shocked at how much we made.”

Seungcheol’s lip ease into a smirk; Jeongguk really had no idea how much the two of you had made off of a couple videos alone.

“We still have one more stream to do and then we can just pool up the money and split it down the middle!”  

Jeongguk nods, stretching as he sits himself down onto the other end of the sofa. “I’ll bring my spare PC stuff so we can set up a little early tomorrow, if that’s cool with you two? Maybe have some food before we get started too ‘cause god knows I’m gonna be starving.” You look to Seungcheol who nods and checks his phone for the time.

“Yeah, we need to set up the cameras and lighting a little differently too so we’ll probably start earlier. Just text me before you drive over so we know when to expect you.”

You yawn next to Jeongguk; adrenaline having worn off as the tiredness finally sets in. “It’s so weird, usually I’m only just starting my stream right around this time but I’m so exhausted now...” Seungcheol’s eyes from cute crescents as he smiles down at you, stepping closer as he goes in to smooth down your hair.

“You really were screaming a lot, to be fair. How about we head home and you can sleep in the car?”

“Okay~”

Seungcheol lets you sleep in on Saturday morning, watching as your chest rises and falls with soft breaths.

He takes a moment to think over the last few weeks of his life and he can’t help the disbelieving expression that crosses his features when he realizes just how much had changed over the course of just weeks.

When the two of you had met, he wasn’t expecting much. He expected the two of you to hang out for a few days before you went home and forgot he even existed outside of your camshows and the comments section. But now that so much had happened between the two of you, Seungcheol felt a deeper connection to you and felt the need to protect you even moreso than ever.

He sees you shift slightly, sleepy eyes blinking open as you peer up at him. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

“Mm… g’morning ‘cheol…”

You grimace sleepily at how hoarse your voice sounds, “Ew, I sound so… gross.”

Seungcheol moves to get out of bed, leaning in to kiss your forehead before he shuffles towards the bathroom. “I’m going to wash up but you can stay in bed if you like. I’ll make you some tea for your throat, okay? We have a long day ahead of us and I don’t think you wanna sound like that later tonight.”

Nodding sleepily, you lay back down as you yawn and let the sleep take over once again.

“Are you really sure ‘bout this?” Jeongguk takes a bite of his pizza as he watches Seungcheol pull the desk closer to the bed.

“What do you mean?” You ask; readjusting the light that was closest to the younger male. “Like, I dunno, I’ve never been on a cam show like this so… I mean do I have to do anything different?” You laugh lightly as you go in to pat Jeongguk on the shoulder.

“No, just be you. And we went over it already earlier, the only thing that’s different is going to be me! No weird tricks or anything, I promise.”

Seungcheol places another monitor on the tabletop, grunting as he goes. “Yeah, and in all honesty, I would hate to have to watch you get off, ‘Guk.”

“Oh shut up, hyung. You say that like I don’t know what you’re packin’ under those sweats. I think it’d only be fair! Just two bros getting to know each other.” Seungcheol pretends to gag just as you double over in laughter. “No, absolutely not, ‘Guk. And also, nobody told you to watch those videos!”

Jeongguk pauses, lips pressing into a firm line. “You right, you right…”

You leave to get changed just as Jeongguk starts to help Seungcheol set up the last few bits of equipment. He leans in close to the older male, eyes glancing around the space to make sure you were completely out of earshot. “Hey, hyung, honest question.”

“Sure.”

“Are you really okay with all this?” Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as he raises an eyebrow at the younger male. “What’s ‘this’ exactly, ‘Guk?”

“Y’know, her living here and you camming all of a sudden, among everything else really… And the question if you’re in love with her which, by the way, we still all know that you are.”

A blush coats Seungcheol’s skin, fingertips almost losing grip of the camera he was about to mount to the desktop. “Listen, yes, okay, I do… like her a lot. But she’s going through a lot right now too and I don’t want to freak her out either. There’s a lot of life changes we’re going through so I’m just going to ...wait.”

“You’re a good man, hyung.”

“Hi everyone!”

You wave to the camera, winking and blowing a kiss to the camera propped up between the two monitors on the table. “I know, this setup is a little wild and not my normal but this is part two of my collaboration with Golden Closet Gaming! Do you want to introduce yourself to those who missed our other stream?” You turn to Jeongguk who nods; this time a little nervous as he stares directly into the camera.

He’d said he was okay with being filmed since he wasn’t actually part of any sexual acts, but he still found himself a little camerashy now that the two of you were live.

Seungcheol sat directly behind the monitors and cameras; his phone open to your cam show to watch from a different angle.

“Ah, hello! I’m JK of Golden Closet Gaming! I’m a friend of Cherry’s and no we won’t be fuckin’.” Jeongguk ends with an innocent smile that has you holding back your laughter.

therealchan99: i dont think dom.cheol would like that very much anyway

universe_WZ has donated $100

universe_WZ: unless he’s into watching

dom.cheol: no

alphagyu97: oh shit hes back

angelhan: huh, so hes not there?

“Oh, he is! He’s behind the camera~” You gesture beyond the camera to where Seungcheol sits and he leans over to quickly wave upside down in front of the camera to prove his existence.

j__min: ah, of course~ we know your daddy would never let you play with anyone else~

j__min: he likes you too much ;)

emerald.tae: oh? also hi new watcher!!!

emerald.tae: ur videos were great!!

emerald.tae has donated $200

therealchan99: im gonna need to start fighting ppl for ur attention i swear

gentleman_josh95: implying u had it

chwenon: yooooooo lmao

“You guuuuys, be nice! Just for that, I’m gonna be sending you a special private pic, okay ‘therealchan99’? You guys pick on him too much!” You pout.

therealchan99: hahaahhAHhhahaHAAHAA FUCKIN LOSERS SUCK ON THAT

tangerine_kwan: bruh

chwenon: damn guess we should can it

You respond to a few more comments as Jeongguk sits by and watches the way you interact with your viewers. He also takes note that you had a donation minimum before you started actually doing anything on your channel and that you’d already hit it pretty quickly.

“Okay! I think we should start now, huh? Oh, I should explain what’s going on!” You giggle cutely, settling into your space on the bed. “So JK and I will be playing this stilt man game! We have to get our character to the finish line without falling or the level restarts! JK has to get to level 30 and I have to get to level 20 and whoever reaches their goal first, wins!”

“I have a higher level to reach ‘cause our skillsets are different and we all know I’d smoke her if we both had to reach the same level.” Jeongguk grins.

seokGENIE: sure

seokGENIE has donated $69

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $100

“And the reason why ‘dom.cheol’ is behind the camera is because...” You pause, eyes twinkling with playfulness as you stare directly into the lens. “In order to get me to do my best, he’ll be controlling a special toy I’m wearing~ Hehe, if my character falls, he’ll raise the vibration setting each time as punishment and leave it on until I cum…”

“Which we are assuming will be a lot. Unfortunately, no medic on standby.” Jeongguk jokes. Seungcheol rolls his eyes as he laughs from behind the camera.

“We have a safeword, don’t we, sweetheart?” You nod in response, “Mmhmm!”

“Let’s get it!”

It takes all of four stages before your character falls for the first time.

Seungcheol turns the vibrating panties on and you immediately jolt as you try to keep your character upright on screen. “Oh, f-fuck!”

kitty_junjun: uh ohhhh it begins

artist8hao: i don’t think she’s gonna last.. babygirl is so sensitive, she’ll probably cum soon

xcaliburDK: i’m giving it until level 6 before she cums

emerald.tae: oh are we placing bets

“Noooo~ Don’t place bets on me, I’m weak!” You whine; already squirming as the vibrations attack your clit. Seungcheol grins from in front of you as Jeongguk laughs from your side, already on level 7 on his own screen.

You had to admit, it was a little weird for someone else to be in the room with you while Seungcheol basically used a toy on you, but the younger male seemed to not care about it at all. Although, he had already seen most of you and Seungcheol at this point.

Your fingertips are shaky on the keyboard and computer mouse; already fearing the way Seungcheol’s eyes almost become darker the longer you struggle.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Is the game too hard?”

“A-ah, n--no, it’s not that b-bad…” Squirming, you grind down a little harder onto the bed just as your character falls on screen and Seungcheol raises the setting to the second highest in the blink of an eye. “Ngh, fuh---fuck!”

“Uh oh~ Should I slow down to let you catch up?” Jeongguk teases.

“N-no, I can beat y-you!”

The donations and comments pour in as you struggle to keep your calm and get your character to the finish line; letting out a sigh of relief as you finally enter the fifth level. You let out a choked sob as you already feel your panties starting to stick to you like a second skin from how wet you were getting and Seungcheol can’t help but chuckle.

“You know, you’re technically allowed to cum whenever you want. It’ll just… slow you down, is all.” Grinning, he watches as you look beyond the camera towards him as you pout.

“But I--I wanna win!” You cry; palms clammy as you try to rush through the fifth stage, only for your character to fall almost immediately. “Nooo~”

Seungcheol clicks the vibrator to its highest setting and your body goes rigid as the vibrations wreck your body. You start to grind against the toy as you chase your orgasm and forget about the game almost completely. In a perfect world, Seungcheol would have his cock snug between your walls, but instead you clench around emptiness as you crave his cock.

artist8hao: ah shes already cumming lol

seokGENIE: on level 5? Fuck

universe_WZ: her cute lil cunt cant take it, poor babygirl

seokGENIE has donated $50

emerald.tae has donated $75

alphagyu97: cum baby, u kno u wanna

alphagyu97 has donated $75

A small choked whine is all you can manage before you do cum; eyes clamped shut and fingers wrapped tight around the computer mouse as the waves of pleasure crash down onto your body. Donations and comments flood the side of the screen from a combination of your viewers and Jeongguk’s as they watch your face contort in pleasure.

“Ah, sweetheart, you’re really falling behind~ JK is going through the stages so quickly while you’re sitting there cumming~” Seungcheol teases. He licks his lips, simultaneously wishing you were sitting on his cock while you played your game.

That’d have to be for another time, he thinks.

It takes a second for Seungcheol to turn the toy off and your body immediately slumps forward as you catch your breath. “Ngh, d-damn it…” You grimace when you re-adjust yourself and find your panties soaking wet.

“I’m already on level 17, babe. You gotta catch up!”

You can only groan in response, flexing your clammy fingers before you try to focus on your own screen again.

kitty_junjun: oho looks like our princess is focused now

tangerine_kwan: u got this baby

j__min: show ‘em who’s boss, babygirl

You tune out the sounds of the comments and donations as you manage to get yourself to level eight without falling, but level nine proves to be just a little too hard as your character falls and Seungcheol turns the vibrator back on to its lowest setting again.

“Be careful, baby. Wouldn’t want to fall behind again would you?”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his sweats as he watches you bite your lip. And for the first time all night, he wishes that Jeongguk would just win and go home so that he could have his own private time with you.

“I’m on level 22 already. D’you think she can even catch up?” Jeongguk teases. He spares you a side glance, taking in your form slumped closer to the table as you try to fight the vibrations.

Your body was already extremely sensitive from your first orgasm and you quickly losing your confidence as you struggled to keep your character upright. If you came even just one more time, there was no way that you’d be able to beat Jeongguk with how quickly he was going through the stages.

therealchan99: she’s cumming just as quickly as JK is getting thru the stages hfdsf

gentleman_josh95: shes so cute when she cums tho

angelhan has donated $50

angelhan: thats the real prize angel

“T-thank you…” You whimper out, fingertips twitching against the keyboard and mouse as you focus your attention to the game to the best of your ability. 

You manage to get to level ten with no more issues just as Jeongguk gets to level 25 and you let out an exasperated sigh as your character falls over again. “Uh oh~ I think I’m gonna win!” Jeongguk cheers; giddiness washing over him as he works to get to the end. 

“Nooo~ That’s n-not, ah, fair!” Whining, you grip the mouse tighter as Seungcheol raises the setting on the toy again, watching as you rub your thighs together at the feeling. 

hoshi_tiger_xx: sadly nothings fair in the gaming world babe

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

dtsug__a has donated $50

dtsug__a: cute for thinkin so tho 

“I don’t th--think I can, hah, c-catch up...” You moan. Your character on screen falls over one more time and all you hear is Seungcheol’s small ‘tsk’ under his breath as he sets the vibrator to the highest setting and leaves it there. 

It doesn’t take long before the vibrations prove to be too much for you and you let go of the keyboard and computer mouse as your hands ball up into fists on top of the table. 

The pleasure washes over you in sharp pin pricks; small whines and whimpers falling from your lips as your eyes completely clamp shut. 

Jeongguk lets out a surprised noise at the way the donations and comments almost make the screen lag and for the first time, his character on screen falls over at his split second loss of focus. 

“Ah, fuh--fuck!” You start to squirm once the pleasure starts to bleed into overstimulation and Seungcheol is quick to respond, “You’re gonna cum one more time as punishment for giving up, sweetheart.” 

alphagyu97: ooo she's in troubleeee

gentleman_josh95: ahhh daddy still has to punish you after all 

seokGENIE: damn is this what this channels abt? this is hot 

artist8hao: babygirl always misbehaves

chwenon: she seems to like it too much 😏

dtsug__a: hooooo shit, thats hot 

“It’s n-not my f-fault, hah, JK is j-just good at g-gaming...” You mumble. 

Jeongguk manages to get to level 30 within the time you sit and grind against the toy; small noises of excitement falling from his lips as he cheers for himself!

“Aww, poor baby. Maybe you’ll focus a bit better next time, hmm?” 

You nod frantically as a small tear slips down your cheek and your lips part in a breathy moan. “God, I--I’m c--cumming!” 

Your body locks up, ears ringing as you cum one more time. Seungcheol wishes he could work you through it; hands massaging your skin as you take your pleasure or thrusting his cock into you as he chased his high with you. 

Instead he watches from across you as your body twitches as your face contorts in unadulterated bliss, licking his lips the entire time with images of what could’ve been dancing behind his eyelids. 

Jeongguk watches as the donations far surpass what the two of you made on his channel; brows disappearing into his poofy head of hair. “Wow, uh, y’all seem to really like it when she gets punished, huh?” He mutters under his breath. 

“Don’t you?” Seungcheol teases. 

“Truuuuue.” 

A garbled moan has both of their attention on you as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit. “Ah, ‘m too sen--sensitive now...” You cry. 

Seungcheol turns the toy off completely as your chest heaves in deep breaths; pouting at the fact he wasn’t able to enter the camera frame to take care of you. 

Jeongguk grimaces slightly at the way your body sways in tiredness next to him, unsure of what to do next now that he’d won. 

“Haha, um, medic?”