#even though I know I’ll get so frustrated by season 6 rip

[dykehayleywilliams]

just finished season 3 of lost

[ddixons-angel]

Stay

Requested by Anonymous

This is my first ever scenario request and I honestly had a lot of fun doing it haha big thanks to @twdeadfanfic for helping me out with this one and motivating me with going on, love you!!! This is probably the longest one-shot I’ve written so far, I hope you all like it!

Request - Daryl finds Reader in the woods, alone, dirty, possibly even hurt. She’s been alone so long that she’s scared of anyone she encounters. However, she’s practically glued to his side when he brings her around other people. Daryl has a hard time getting her to talk/leave the house. Fluff and angst

Mid-season 6; Alexandria

Run. That was the only thing on your mind. You just knew you had to run. It’s the only thing that kept you alive for the last few weeks, your only means of survival. You were alone in the woods, not knowing where you were going, the only thing you knew was that nowhere was safe. Without slowing down, you look over your shoulder behind you to gauge how far the dead was from you, but that was a mistake. You found yourself tumbling down to the hard ground as you tripped over a large root of a tree that stuck out of the ground. You let out an involuntary shriek when you feel your hair being grabbed, you had no doubt it was the dead when you feel the cold fingers gripping your arm. This was it. This was how you would die; getting ripped apart while screaming for your life in the middle of a forest. 

“Hey, ya a’right?” a rough voice calls out to you.

It was only when you registered the voice that you realized that the dead that had grabbed you was no longer moving or trying to kill you. You look over to the dead body that lay still, there was an arrow of some sort sticking out from its skull. You get up, letting out of a breath of relief but then freeze when you remember that you weren’t alone. Your eyes dart to the figure in front of you; a man with long dark hair and icy blue eyes. 

Your first instinct was to run, but your legs weren’t listening to you. They stayed planted in the ground as you felt your knees going weak. The adrenaline from running for hours and hours, days at a time without anything to eat, it was all catching up to you as you stared at the stranger who just undoubtedly saved your life. Rather than answering his first question verbally, your legs give out as you fall into a state of darkness.

---

“So... let me just get this straight...” Rick says as he pushes himself off the kitchen counter he was leaning on and turns to look at Daryl, “you brought someone back but know absolutely nothing about them?”

“Couldn’t get a chance...” Daryl says; he knew how this was going to go down the moment he decided to bring a stranger back to Alexandria with no information on who she was.

“Did you at least get a name? Or if she has a group?” Carol asks, standing by the counter with her arms crossed.

“Told ya I never got a chance to.” Daryl says, frustration evident in his voice.

“I know you’re not stupid, Daryl, but what the hell were you thinking?” Carol pesters on.

“She fainted ‘fore I could ask her anythin’!” Daryl snaps, “wha’ was I s’pposed to do? Leave her out there for the walkers to have at her? That can’t be who we are!”

“And I’m not saying that’s who we are or that you should have left her out there,” Rick says calmly, “I’m just concerned about bringing a complete stranger back, someone we know absolutely nothing about.”

“She’s jus’ a girl, Rick! We got her locked up in that house with people watchin’ over her, she ain’ dangerous, she’s jus’ hurt ‘n’ scared.” Daryl says in defense, the others could tell he was getting emotional.

“I know that, but you can’t blame people here for being worried, people are still shaken up by those Wolves that attacked us a few weeks ago. For all we know, she could be one of them.” Rick tries to reason.

“Well, she ain’.” Daryl says immediately.

“And how do you know?” Rick challenges.

“I don’ see no ‘W’ on her, do you?” Daryl asks rhetorically, “‘sides... we didn’ hesitate bringin’ in Michonne when she showed up at the prison an’ she turned out okay. No offense.”

“None taken,” Michonne chuckles softly at his apology, “why are you so adamant on keeping her here, Daryl? This isn’t like you.”

Daryl lets out a deep sigh before answering the question, “the look in her eyes jus’ before she passed out... she was scared ‘n’ alone... nothin’ bad ‘bout her... so even without askin’ her anythin’ I chose to bring her back ‘cause o’ that look... she ain’ a bad person... but guess I’m jus’ fightin’ y’all on it ‘cause I don’ wanna be wrong again.”

The looks on his friends’ faces soften at his words. They heard what happened a few weeks back when Daryl, Abraham, and Sasha had to lead the herd of walkers away from the community. Daryl ran into some people he thought were good, only to turn on him and steal his things. They all noticed that ever since then, Daryl changed. He started to doubt his own instincts and even his ability to tell who was good and who was bad. 

“What if uh...” Glenn pipes in after a moment of silence, “what if we wait for her to wake up and ask her the questions, then make a decision when we hear what she has to say?”

Glenn, Michonne, Carol, and Daryl all look towards Rick, waiting for his decision. After pondering for a moment, he walks over to the kitchen counter and looks at Carol.

“Can you put together a sandwich and get a glass of water? If what Daryl said is true, the girl probably hasn’t eaten in a while, and if we want answers, we should show some sort of hospitality.” Rick says. 

Carol sighs softly with a stern look on her face but nods, “okay.”

Rick nods to her as thanks then looks over to Daryl. The two lock eyes, communicating without words as they wait for Carol to prepare the food. Once they’re ready, Daryl takes the plate and glass of water and walks out of the house, following Rick to the jailhouse the community had set up for temporary confinement. Rick knocks on the door before opening it, stepping in with Daryl behind him. The two of them greet Tara as she was given the task to watch over the stranger. 

“How is she?” Rick asks, stepping further into the room.

“Still out cold,” Tara informs, glancing back at the sleeping figure on the mattress. 

“Well, we brought her food for when she wakes up,” Daryl says, holding up the plate and glass then he heads over to the sleeping girl and places down the meal, “I’ll take over yer shift, Tara.”

Tara nods in understanding and leaves the two of them alone with the sleeping stranger. Daryl goes to sit in the chair that was placed in the corner of the room. 

“I’ll be on guard outside, call me in when she wakes up,” Rick says.

“Why ya gonna be on guard outside?” Daryl questions, a frown of confusion on his face, “think I can’t handle her?”

“It’s just in case,” Rick says just before he steps out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Daryl sighs, he knew why Rick was keeping guard outside, he wasn’t stupid and it wasn’t that Rick underestimated his ability. Daryl knew that Rick was aware what this entire thing meant to him. What it would do to him if the stranger he believed to be good turned out to be bad. 

His eyes fall back on the sleeping figure in front of him, the peaceful look on her face made his lips involuntarily twitch into a small smile. His smile turns into a frown though when he sees her hands tied up with rope. 

“Dammit Rick...” he sighs, then he gets up to untie of the rope. 

Daryl thought he had convinced Rick that there was no need to tie her up since she was unconscious. He told them all that she looked frail and weak, as if she hadn’t eaten for days. He thought he got through to Rick with that logic but he was wrong. Although, Daryl couldn’t blame him for being extra careful. Their community had gotten attacked by a group a few weeks back, they couldn’t take any chances. 

Kneeling down, Daryl reaches out to the girl’s bound hands and gently tugs at the rope. As he begins to untie the knots, the girl shifts a bit then her eyes start to open. Daryl freezes at the movement and he looks at her face. Her eyes lock with his, looking at him with fear like a deer in headlights. She pulls her hands away and whimpers, backing away from Daryl only to hit the wall behind her. 

“It’s okay, I’m not gonna hurt ya,” Daryl says quickly, holding his hands up to show her that he means no harm, “I jus’ wanted to untie yer restraints.” 

She continues to stare at him, not moving or saying anything in response and Daryl isn’t quite sure what to do, not sure what exactly to tell Rick about the situation. He woke her up by trying to remove the rope Rick had originally tied as a safety precaution; yeah, he wouldn’t like the sound of that. Daryl sighs and slowly crouches down to her eye level, his hands still out. 

“I found ya out in the woods, ya passed out an’ I brought ya back here,” Daryl explains, then he grabs the glass of water, “I can tell ya’ve been out there for awhile, here.”

Slowly, Daryl reaches out and offers her the glass of water. Her eyes glance at the glass then back at him, he can practically see the gears turning in her head whether or not to trust him. 

“I ain’ gonna hurt ya, I promise.” Daryl says.

It seems that she heard the sincerity in his voice as Daryl sees her eyes soften. He waits patiently for her to take the glass in which she slowly but surely does. She takes the glass in both hands and she looks at it, then back at Daryl who smiles softly at her. Finally, she starts to drink from the glass. At first she’s taking small sips but her thirst catches up with her as she desperately finishes the contents of the glass within seconds. Daryl reaches out to her again to take the glass from her. 

“Brought ya some food too,” he tells her, gesturing to the plate on the ground, “ya wanna let me untie ya so ya can eat?” 

She still has her hands close to her chest as she contemplates Daryl’s words. He sees her lips quiver slightly, her eyes peering at the plate on the ground. She takes a few breaths before hesitantly raising her arms towards Daryl, her hands tremble as she holds them out. 

“Easy now,” Daryl whispers, carefully and gently untying the rope around her wrists.

He backs away once the ropes are off, pursing his lips together as he gestures to the plate again and sits back on the chair. He watches as she timidly reaches for the sandwich, she picks it up and holds it to her mouth. She pauses, looking at Daryl as if asking him permission with her eyes. He nods at her again, a soft smile on his lips. Daryl can’t help but think that she reminded him of a lost, abandoned puppy. She carefully takes a bite of the sandwich, then another as she starts to feel a little more relaxed. 

“There’s more where that came from,” Daryl tells her after she finished the sandwich, “I can get ya another if ya want.”

Before she can respond, the door to the room opens, startling her and she cowers away again with her back against the wall, afraid of Rick who had just walked in. Daryl had gotten up from his seat on the chair and stands between Rick and the girl. Rick frowns as he sees the rope on the ground. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, he’s a friend,” Daryl says gently, trying to calm her down.

“Daryl...” Rick sighs, he beckons him to come over, “you untied her?”

“Ya said to show her some hospitality,” Daryl says.

“I also said to call me when she wakes up,” Rick retorts, he then sighs again, “did you ask her the questions? She tell you anything?”

“Nah, she jus’ finished eatin’. Look at her, she’s scared, man.” Daryl says, gesturing towards her; she had that deer in the headlights look again as she stares at the two.

Rick ponders for a moment then nods pointedly towards her, “alright, let’s ask her now then, are you okay with that?”

Daryl purses his lips and nods. The two make their way towards the girl again and she watches them, mainly Rick, warily. Rick takes the chair and sets it down in front of her before sitting on it as Daryl stands idly behind him. He notices that she flinches at Rick’s every movement as if afraid that he was going to hit her. 

“My name is Rick Grimes,” he starts, “now, I’m gonna ask you a few questions and I want you to answer me as honest as you can, can you do that?”

She stares at him, not blinking, her eyes hard again showing her distrust for Rick, and when she stays silent, he continues, “how many walkers have you killed?” 

Daryl waits anxiously for her to answer, he chews his bottom lip, nervous when she doesn’t respond. She just continues to stare at Rick. 

“I’m gonna ask you again, how many walkers have you killed?” Rick repeats, seemingly running out of patience. 

After another moment of complete silence from the stranger, Rick huffs and gets up from the chair. Daryl steps to him putting his hand on his shoulder to calm him down. 

“Lemme try, a’right?” Daryl says softly.

Rick sighs and nods, stepping back to let Daryl try with the questioning. Daryl carefully kneels down instead of sitting on the chair, catching the girl’s attention again. Her eyes seem to soften when she looks at him. 

“Ya a’right?” Daryl asks, his voice gentle, he continues when he sees her nod shyly, “I’m sorry ‘bout him, he can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.”

Rick furrows his brows at this, not in annoyance, rather in confusion. Daryl has never been like this to a complete stranger before, he was always serious when interrogating new people. This is the first time he’s been so lightheartedly joking around with someone and if the circumstances were different, Rick would be teasing him about it. 

“‘M gonna ask ya some questions, a’right? An’ I want ya to be as honest as possible, if ya do that for me, maybe I can get ya another sandwich,” Daryl says, nodding pointedly to the empty plate. 

The girl bites her lips together in hesitation but then she nods again. Rick crosses his arms as he watches, an impressed smirk forms on his lips. 

“How many walkers have ya killed?” Daryl asks, he catches the look of confusion in her eyes at the term they’d all become used to, “the walkers out there, the dead, how many have ya killed?”

She furrows her brows once she understands the question, she shrugs then lets out a small whisper, “a lot.”

“Wha’ ‘bout people?” Daryl asks, “how many people have ya killed?”

There’s a look in her eyes when she hears his question that Daryl isn’t quite sure how to describe. It was a mix of hurt, fear, and guilt. It was a look that told him that she had definitely killed at least one person. Tears well up in her eyes, as if she was reliving the memory. 

She takes a deep breath before whispering again, “one...”

“Why?” Daryl asks the last question, furrowing his brow in concern at her body language. 

She looks away from him, cowering back again and her arms wrap around her own body in a protective hug, her hands grasp tightly to the fabric of her shirt. Daryl sighs at the sight of this then he turns to look at Rick; both of them knew exactly what her body language meant and why she had to kill. The two men communicate without words then Daryl turns his attention back to the girl.

“Hey,” he calls out, his voice soft, “what I promised ya before, ‘bout not hurtin’ ya, I meant it. I ain’ gonna hurt ya, none o’ us will.” 

She looks at Daryl again, her eyes watery but there was that same softness in them that told him that she trusted him. She nods, her grasp on her clothing loosening slightly. Daryl gives her a small smile then turns to look at Rick.

“Can ya go an’ bring Denise here?” Daryl asks him.

Rick opens his mouth to speak but then decides against it, trusting Daryl and his instincts. Rick nods then heads out to find the community’s doctor. Daryl looks back at the girl who’s now staring at him. 

“Ya got a name?” Daryl asks, “‘cause I don’ wanna just keep calling ya ‘girl’.”

A hint of a smile tugs at her lips at his attempt at humoring her, she whispers, “Y/N.”

“You’re gonna be safe here with us, Y/N.” Daryl tells her, “I ain’ gonna let anyone hurt ya.”

Daryl didn’t know what made him say those words to her. From what he could remember, he’s never said those kinds of words to anyone, not out loud at least. He’s always been the type to say those words through actions, but there was something about Y/N that made Daryl feel the need to convince her that they were good; for some reason, he needed her to know that. 

It seemed as though his words got through to her as her smile grew slightly and she nods at him, trusting his word. Unfortunately, her smile was replaced by another look of fear when there was a sudden knock on the door. Daryl quickly glances over to the door as it opens; it was Denise. He looks back over at Y/N who has yet again put up defensive walls, wary of another stranger now in the room.

“It’s okay, Y/N, it’s okay, she’s a friend, a doctor, she’s here to help ya,” Daryl says in a soft voice before getting up to greet Denise.

“Hey,” Denise smiles at him, “uh, Rick said you sent for me?”

“Yeah, the girl I brought back, Y/N, was hopin’ ya could make sure she’s okay. She also has some cut ‘r somethin’ on her left forearm,” Daryl tells her, he’d taken note of the dried blood on her sleeve.

“I figured it was something like that,” Denise says with a smile, showing her medkit she’d brought with her, she then goes over to Y/N who is staring at her warily, “hi, I’m Denise.” 

Y/N doesn’t say anything in response to her friendly introduction, instead she cowers away. Her body language clearly telling Denise that she does trust her and to stay away. Denise furrows her brows at this but she takes no offense as she heard from Rick that she must have been outside for a long time alone. 

“Y/N,” Daryl makes his way over to her, he crouches down to her eye level, “she’s helped a lot ‘o people, even me, she’s a good person.”

Denise furrows her brows when she takes notice of how Y/N’s expression changes when she looks at Daryl. Her eyes were soft and trusting, as if allowing only Daryl to see a completely vulnerable side to her. A smile reaches Denise’s face when she gets an idea.

“Daryl,” she calls out to get his attention, “I think you should treat her.”

He turns to look at her with a confused look on his face, “wha’?”

Denise sighs at his ability to be so oblivious then beckons him to come closer so she can explain, “she trusts you, Daryl, way more than she trusts me, you can see that just by the way she looks at you compared to me. I’ll take a look at her wounds, but if she needs stitches, you’re going to have to be the one to do them, I’ll only end up hurting her if I stitch her up while she’s tense.”

Daryl purses his lips together, nodding as he understands what Denise was saying, “a’right.”

“Don’t worry though,” Denise pats his shoulder, a teasing smile on her face, “I’ll still be here to guide you through it.”

He scoffs playfully at her then he goes back to Y/N’s side, crouching down beside her again, “Denise is gonna take a look at yer arm, okay? Jus’ to make sure it ain’ infected, then I’ll help ya patch it up.”

Y/N bites her lips together, glancing down at her arms then back at Daryl. Her eyes told him that she wasn’t quite sure how Daryl knew about her injury, but she nods in agreement to his words. Slowly but surely, she pulls up the sleeve of her left arm, revealing a gash. Denise carefully takes a step closer to see the wound and Y/N flinches at the movement. She stares at Denise then glances at Daryl who nods at her encouragingly. She hesitantly extends her arm towards Denise so that she can examine her wound. Denise raises both of her hands to show that she means her no harm then takes another step towards the mattress. 

“It doesn’t seem to be infected, which is a really good thing. And it doesn’t look that deep so I don’t think you’ll need stitches either,” Denise says with a smile after examining the wound, “the only part that might hurt is when Daryl has to disinfect the wound, but other than that, you’ll be okay. Now, do you have any other injuries we should know about?”

Y/N shakes her head at the question and Daryl smiles softly at her, then gestures to Denise, “told ya she’s a good person.” 

Denise chuckles then hands Daryl her medkit, “I’ll leave this with you, I trust you know how to patch up a simple wound without messing up too badly?”

He rolls his eyes at her then scoffs, “yeah, I done it enough times.”

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Denise laughs then walks towards the door, but then she turns to Y/N as she remembers something, “by the way, if you end up feeling sick or feverish in any way, you have to let Daryl know right away, that could be a sign that your wound got infected by his dirty hands.”

“Jus’ go a’ready!” Daryl scoffs making Denise laugh at his reaction just before she leaves the building, he looks back at Y/N, “I won’ give ya an infection...”

“I know.” she says in a slight whisper. 

Daryl smiles at this then places the medkit on the ground. He opens it and takes out an alcohol swab, tearing open the small packet then looks at Y/N. She seems to know what he wants as she extends her arm towards him. 

He gently takes hold of her arm, “this might sting a bit.”

He begins to gently dab at the wound, cleaning off the dried blood and dirt on her skin. He furrows his brows when Y/N winces at the sting. Daryl proceeds to blow onto the wound to try and soothe the pain. Once he’s done cleaning the wound, he dresses it with a bandage. 

“How’s that feel?” he asks her, leaning back a bit to give her some space.

She looks down at the bandage and a small smile tugs at her lips before she looks up at Daryl, “a lot better... thank you.”

Daryl returns her smile and nods, a small moment of silence passes when he dares to pose his next question, “do ya have a group?”

He watches as her brows furrow in confusion at his words so Daryl tries to word his question differently, “do ya have a camp or a group ya stayed with?” 

Finally understanding his question, Y/N shakes her head, “no... I did but... I lost them...”

“‘M sorry...” Daryl says, he purses his lips, seeming nervously shy, “did ya wanna stay here? We got food, water, walls, ya’ll be safe here.”

Y/N bites her lips together as if unsure how to answer, “...can I?”

“Yeah, we got a few houses we can spare, won’t be a problem,” Daryl says, “so ya jus’ gotta tell me if ya wanna stay, I ain’t gonna force ya if ya don’t wanna.” 

Although he hadn’t spoken with Rick on the matter of Y/N staying yet, he was sure that their leader would be accepting of it after seeing her. Daryl was sure Rick could see that Y/N wasn’t a threat to their community. He watches as she carefully contemplates her choices then finally she looks up at him with a soft smile and nods.

“I want to stay... with you.” she says shyly.

Daryl couldn’t help the shy smile that tugs on his lips, he also couldn’t help the blood rushing to his face as he blushes at her words, “a’right... let me jus’ talk to Rick, figure out where ya can stay. Wait here” 

With that, he gets up and heads for the door. Just before he leaves the room, he turns and gives her another reassuring smile. 

---

You stayed sat on the mattress in the room for what felt like a few hours, obediently waiting for Daryl to come back. You trusted Daryl. You didn’t know why but there was just something about him that made you believe that you could trust him. Maybe it was the way he looked at you, or how he did his best to make sure that you felt comfortable. You couldn’t explain it, and it wasn’t like you trusted easily either. You didn’t get the same sense of comfort when Daryl’s friend, Rick, came by and started interrogating you. You didn’t even feel that safe when the doctor, Denise, came to help you, and she looked completely harmless, although you had to learn the hard way to not judge a book by its cover. 

With everything you’ve been through though, you couldn’t help but feel jumpy or nervous and that proved to still be the case when there was a knock on the door. The end of the world forced you to always be on high alert, but you found yourself relaxing when you saw Daryl walk back into the room. There was a feeling in your heart that confused you when you saw him, as if you were happy that he came back to you. As if you missed him. That was a feeling that felt so foreign to you, but you couldn’t help it.

“Ya a’right?” Daryl asks, crouching down again, he continues when you nod, “I talked to Rick, an’ he talked to some o’ the others. They’re okay with ya stayin’.”

You smile at his words. It was only then that you realized just how much you wanted to stay in this place. How much you wanted to stay with Daryl. 

“C’mon, I’ll show ya ‘round an’ where ya’ll be stayin’.” Daryl says as he stands up, holding his hand out for you.

You glance at his hand then back at him. Carefully, you reach up and take his outreached hand and he gently helps you stand. His other hand hovering around your body to make sure you don’t fall. Once you’re steadily on your feet, he guides you out of the house. You have to shield your eyes from the intense rays of the sun at first but once your eyes adjusted to the light, you gasp lightly in disbelief. 

This place was.... Incredible. You never thought you’d ever see a place like this, not after the world ended. It felt as if you went back in time when the dead didn’t roam the Earth, this place was like one of those suburbs with huge houses you could only dream of affording. 

You look over at Daryl when you hear him let out a soft chuckle. He must have caught your bewildered expression as you ogled at your surroundings. You look down at the ground, shy and embarrassed as you blush. 

“C’mon,” he says, tugging at your hand gently.

He must have sensed that you were embarrassed as he didn’t comment on the look on your face. You follow him around, trying to ignore the growing butterflies in your stomach as Daryl holds your hand. He points out the house that he’s staying in as the two of you walk by it. You feel slightly shy as you spot some of the people watching you walk with Daryl. By the sly smiles on their faces, you were sure it was because the two of you were holding hands. 

“Infirmary’s over there,” Daryl says, pulling you out of your thoughts as he points over to the house where you see Denise sitting on the porch reading, “if ya need anythin’ or yer arm starts to act up, ya can go an’ find Denise, she’ll help ya out.”

You smile and nod at Daryl in acknowledgement then continue to follow him around until he stops in front of one of the large houses.

“This one’s yers.” he tells you, making you gawk at him.

“Mine?” you question, not believing it.

When Daryl said that they’d figure out where you could stay, you thought you would have a room that you shared with someone, not an entire house to yourself. 

“Yeah, we got a few houses to spare... if ya don’ like it, ya can look at one o’ the other free ones,” Daryl bites his lip nervously, as if he was afraid you wouldn’t like it.

You quickly shake your head, “no, it’s not that I don’t like it... I just... didn’t think...”

You trail off as you look at the large house in front of you, slightly intimidated. Daryl seems to sense this as well as he gently tugs at your hand again, then he nods pointedly towards the house. You understand his intent and begin to step towards the house. You walk up the porch slowly, continuously taking hesitant glances back at Daryl to make sure he’s still following behind you; he had let go of your hand, much to your dismay. 

Taking a deep breath, you slowly open the door to the house. Although you knew that the house was empty, part of you still expected to be greeted by snarls and growls of the dead. You guessed that being on your own and running from the dead for weeks would do that to you. 

“Wow...” you say breathlessly as you step into the house.

This wasn’t just a house, this was a mansion. Even just looking at the kitchen, it was twice as big as any room you stayed in, before and after the world ended. It looked to be fully furnished, clean, completely untouched by the outside world. You had a hard time believing your eyes as you looked around in awe. 

“Is this... real?” you hear yourself wonder out loud. 

“It is,” Daryl says from behind you and you turn to look at him, he smiles softly at you, “ya like it?”

You return his smile and nod, “I do... thank you.”

There’s a sort of sweet silence between you two before Daryl clears his throat, maybe he felt awkward, “I’ll leave ya to it, get settled ‘r somethin’...”

You feel your heart drop at his words, something you haven’t felt in a long time, “what?”

“I showed ya where my place is, if ya need me, I’ll be there.” Daryl nods and he begins to turn to leave.

A slight panic rises in your chest when you see him turn. You didn’t want him to go, you didn’t want to be alone. It was true that you were safe in a community, surrounded by walls and protected from the dead, but you were still afraid of being left alone. 

Before Daryl could leave, you quickly step to him and reach out, your fingers clutching onto his. He turns around to face you again, a confused look on his face. You notice his eyes soften when he looks at you. 

“Please don’t go...” you say in a small voice, “please stay...” 

Daryl purses his lips together, not sure of what to say. You can tell that he’s thinking of what to do. You were sure that he was trying to think of a way to tell you that he shouldn’t stay. You were practically begging him with your eyes. 

“Okay.” Daryl says with a shy smile after a moment of silence. 

You couldn’t help the smile on your face at his words. Daryl had agreed to stay with you. He had saved your life, brought you back to his community and given you a home. On top of everything he already did for you, he even agreed to stay with you. Even if you had just met him that day, you knew that he would be able to keep you safe. And for the first time in a really, really long time, you finally felt safe. 

---

This was one of my very first attempts at writing in Daryl’s perspective so I hope I did it justice! Please let me know what you thought about this one, I personally loved writing it haha 

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[comradesummers]

Top 5 buffy characters and top 5 angel characters?

Hi, thanks for asking!

Pretty sure that I’ve answered some version of this before but I’m not going to pretend I’m even remotely consistent about these things, so here we are.

Buffy Characters:

5. Rupert Giles

Giles is one of those characters that frustrates me a lot. He’s part of an inherently exploitative system and I’m not sure that, until the final episode, he ever truly extricates himself from that system. The best parts of Giles are his rebellion against the council and the worst parts of him are his ideological ties to them. But that’s what makes him so interesting. Because the man who defies what he’s been taught and loves this group of misfit children like a father is always at odds with the ruthless utilitarian he thinks he has to be. It’s a fascinating series long conflict, and though it’s not always handled as well as I would like, it does always make for a wonderfully flawed but thoroughly lovable character.

4. Willow Rosenberg

Willow is a character I struggle with because she’s the one that reminds me the most of myself. Some of these similarities are rather superficial: we’re both Jewish lesbians that pride ouselves on our academic merits. But on a deeper level, I find Willow’s insecurity and her desperate need to appear strong and important and worthy at all costs to be so painfully relatable that I have a hard time engaging with her at all. I don’t need to explain how incredible her storyline is over seven seasons, how much she grows and changes and evolves, because you know all that already. There’s no denying she’s an incredible character. And the fact that she resonates so deeply with me to the point that she makes me uncomfortable is maybe the best demonstration of what a good character she is.

3. Faith Lehane

Faith was initially introduced as the dark mirror to Buffy (which is why I believe her to be fundamentally tied to BtVS in a way that she isn’t to AtS). But her great accomplishment throughout Buffy and Angel was her evolution into her own character, separate from Buffy. And that’s also Faith’s character arc. At first, she is only able to compare herself with Buffy. She’s angry and jealous of Buffy because she believes that Buffy has everything that she never had and rightfully deserves. And, in many ways, she’s right to be angry. Yet her choice to direct her anger and resentment towards Buffy, as opposed to the real culprits (the council for one, along with all of the adults in her life) is what leads her to destroy herself. It’s only after she’s able to recognize her own self-worth outside of Buffy that she can truly do good and be good and be with Buffy. It’s a remarkable journey to behold and I love her so much.

2. Tara Maclay

I liked Tara well enough before season 6, but season 6 was when I fell completely in love with her. She becomes the show’s anchor that season as the only responsible adult who’s making good decisions, even when those decisions are extremely painful for her, like breaking up with Willow. And in a season dedicated to every other character fucking up, she’s truly a breath of fresh air. But more than just her function as a contrast to the other characters, season 6 really emphasized for me how beautifully and subtly she had developed throughout the show. Her ability to stand up to Willow is such a stark contrast to the Tara who was unable to stand up to her father (not that I’m blaming her for not being able to confront her abuser, I’m just pointing out how the contrast between these scenes demonstrates amazing growth on Tara’s part). Tara initially has no sense of self-worth, but as she develops, she comes to understand her own value and refuses to allow anyone to diminish it. It’s a beautiful, lovely story, and I will forever be bitter that she didn’t get the happy ending she so richly deserved.

1. Buffy Summers

Buffy Summers is my favorite fictional character of all time, as is evident by pretty much every single post on this blog.

Angel Characters:

5. Winfred Burkle

I have some issues with Fred. This is mainly because Joss Whedon’s obsession with this particular type of nerdy and adorable female characters makes me uncomfortable. But Amy Acker is a great actress and I can’t help but find her charming regardless. I think the episode that really sold me on Fred was Fredless. Like, the idea that she can’t face her parents because she doesn’t want to admit to them or to herself what she’s gone through is really heartbreaking. It’s the first time I was able to see Fred as more of a character than a caricature and I realized that I really liked that character. Also, fuck the writers for killing off their only remaining female character just so that Wesley could manpain about it.

4. Lilah Morgan

Lilah is by far the best villain on the show. She was, with very few exceptions, one of the only bad guys who was actually fun to watch. I particularly love that the writers never felt the need to redeem her in order to make her sympathetic. And she is sympathetic. You feel for her a whole lot, probably because Stephanie Romanov is such a pro. But she’s still a terrible, evil person through and through and I love that for her. Why the writers thought it would be a good idea to kill her off is truly beyond me.

3. Lorne

Another character who deserved better (sensing a theme here). Lorne is such an interesting, layered character with a wonderfully bizarre backstory and an interesting way of seeing the world. Yet, despite how wonderful he is, he was always pushed to the background to further another character’s story. And that’s not even mentioning whatever the writers thought they were doing with him in season 5. Also, why couldn’t he have been openly queer? Anyway, RIP Andy Hallet, who was an absurdly talented man who managed to create this incredible character in spite of all the writers’ bullshit. 

2. Charles Gunn

Gunn was never just the muscle. The man ran a neighborhood watch/vampire hunting ring while he was still in his early 20′s (I assume? Do we actually know how old he is?). He’s a strategist and a leader in his community. He’s funny and charming and a good man and he deserved so much more love and care and development because he’s truly a fascinating character. But all the writers saw was a black guy who made quips and I am still so angry about it. Anyway, I love Gunn, he is, by far, the best man on the show and possibly in the entirety of the Buffyverse.

1. Cordelia Chase

Cordelia was pretty much the only reason I decided to watch Angel. She’s the best part of the whole show, her character growth is absolutely phenomenal, and I love how she grows as a person while still remaining wholly herself. I love her so much and I’ll forever be bitter about what the writers did to her and how terribly Whedon treated Charisma Carpenter.

[lovemeleo]

When Time Stopped - Finale

Well here we are everyone! The finale of When Time Stopped. I have truly enjoyed writing this fic and I’m so glad so many of you enjoyed it! Thank you all for your love and support, I really appreciate it. Thank you to the amazing @lumosinlove for her fantastic fics and lovely OCs, I am so grateful for you! 

Let’s go, y’all!

TW: Hospitals & Injuries 

____________________________________________ When Finn woke up, there was a brief moment where everything was okay. Logan was wrapped around him in their bed, face pressed into his neck as their bodies tucked together under the sheets.

Then it hit him. They weren’t at their house. This wasn’t their bed. And Leo wasn’t there.

Finn felt a lump form in his throat as he looked to the ceiling of the room, trying not to wake Logan as the tears started falling down his cheeks. They had almost lost him. Their sunshine boy, their missing piece. Finn brought a hand up to cover his mouth as a sob broke through his lips.

A soft hand touched his arm, and he looked down to meet sad green eyes, “Mon rouge..” Logan whispered, his thumb tracing over freckled cheeks. 

Finn reached up, intertwining their fingers, “‘m okay. I’m fine. I’m good.” He muttered.  

Logan pressed a kiss to the redhead’s knuckles, “It’s okay to not be okay. ‘Cause I’m not. This is a very not okay situation.” Finn squeezed his eyes shut, letting out a breath.

“I know.. I’m not okay. This isn’t okay. But it’s going to be. It’s got to be b-because I don’t know what I’m going to do if it’s not.” The redhead whispered, squeezing Logan to his chest. 

Logan pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek before sitting up, “We should get ready to go. It’s almost 5:30.” He said as he got up, pulling Finn’s hoodie on.

As Finn climbed out of bed, a gentle knock was heard from the door and Remus peeked around the door, “Hey guys, just wanted to make sure you were up.” He murmured quietly, taking a step in.

Logan nodded as he pulled on his shoes, “Yeah, Loops, we’re up. Ready to go in a minute.” He said, looking up at the former PT. Remus leaned in the doorway, watching as the two got their things together, “Sirius is making some toast for before we go. You need to eat something before we leave.” He said as they followed him out, walking down to the kitchen.

Grabbing the last couple pieces of toast out, Sirius turned and set the plate on the table as the others walked in. “Morning.” He said, setting out butter next to the plate.

“Morning, Cap.” Finn murmured, grabbing a piece and taking a bite. The thought of adding any butter made his stomach turn, so dry toast it was. Logan stood next to him, grabbing his own piece to nibble on as he stared out the window.

Remus sat across from them, eyes on the two normally loud boys, “How’re you two feeling?” He asked. Logan shrugged a shoulder, “Fine.. Just want to get to Leo.” He mumbled around his toast. 

Picking at his piece, Finn nodded, “I checked my phone and there’s no missed calls from the hospital. No news is good news, I guess.” 

Sirius nodded, dusting his hands of the stray crumbs, “Of course. Well, when you guys finish we can head over there.” With those words, the two boys were quickly scarfing down the last bites of their breakfast before grabbing their things.

Both of them were out the door and by the car before Remus or Sirius even had a chance to pull their shoes on. They were heading towards the hospital within the next couple minutes, Finn and Logan staring anxiously out the window.

Sirius pulled up to the front door, turning to look back at the pair in the backseat, “We’re going to head home, but if you need a ride or anything at all, just give us a call, d'accord?”

They nodded, saying their thanks before jumping out and rushing into the hospital. As they got to Leo’s hallway, the doctor met them halfway.

“I figured you would be here right at 6 so I thought I’d walk you in and update you.” Dr. Amalie said as she led them towards his room. They nodded, following her down the hall.

“How is he doing? Is he okay? Is he awake?” Logan asked, watching her face as he rambled.

The doctor smiled gently, “He’s doing much better. Had no problems overnight other than some pain, which is completely normal with the injuries he endured. He is awake and asked about you both as soon as he woke up, so I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.” She answered and both boys let out a collective breath that neither had realized they were holding in.

Nodding, Finn grabbed Logan’s hand squeezing it gently, “He’s good, he’s okay. Of course.” He mumbled, more to himself than anything.

The three of them stopped in front of the door to room 283, Logan’s hands itching to go forward and just push the door open. To see Leo, to know that he was okay. “I’ll leave you boys to it.” The doctor said before heading further down the hall.

As soon as she was gone, Finn was reaching forward and opening the door. And there he was. Still looking like a mess with a new bandage wrapped around his head, but he was there. 

Blue eyes moved over to the door as soon as it opened, face lighting up as he saw his boys in the doorway, “You’re here.” Leo smiled, as much as he could with the bruises and bandages.

A choked sob felt as though it was ripped from Logan’s chest as he moved forward, his hands quickly coming to grip Leo’s good hand, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, mon soleil. I shouldn’t have left you like that, I just walked away and then we almost lost you.” Logan cried, hiding his face into the sheets of the hospital bed.

“Logan, sweetheart, look at me.” Leo whispered, tugging gently on the hand that held onto his for dear life. Looking up slowly, Logan sniffled as he pressed a soft kiss to the younger boy’s hand, “It’s okay. I understand you were upset, some stressful shit is happening. But please just don’t walk away again. Please. I can’t chase you right now. We need to sit and talk about it instead of just leaving. D'accord, mon chou?”

Crying quietly, Logan nodded, “Of course, of course. I love you, you know that right? Both of you.” He murmured, reaching a free hand to pull Finn over to then.

Finn smiled gently, tears falling steadily down his cheeks, “Of course we know, Lo. We love you too.” He said, resting his hand on top of the other two.

“So so much.” Leo agreed, squeezing both of their hands.

Three months later…

Leo was discharged from the hospital a month and a half after the accident, which is a month and a half too long if you asked him. He still had the cast on his leg but his arm and ribs were mostly healed, as well as the bruises and scrapes that had covered a lot of his body. He was going through physical therapy which helped, but he wouldn’t be back for the next season much to his chagrin.

He got frustrated sometimes, snapping at Logan or Finn or whoever was closest. But later he would apologize and they would pull him into bed, whispering reassurances into his ear as they cuddled close.

It was a long healing process but he knew he’d get through it. They’d get through it. Together.

Fin 

[btsfaris]

bugboy (m)

pairing: mark lee!spiderman x reader.

words: 7.4k

genre: smut, humor, fluff, action. hella angst.

a/n: thank u to the reader who recommended me to join both of my favorite worlds together and create this masterpiece :’) <3

-

You always wondered why life teased you this way? Why God made Mark Lee, the cutest and smartest boy in Queens exist in your lifetime, yet make him so unavailable to you. It was simply just plain, unfair torture to you.

You’ve known about Mark since high school, others might think of him as nerdy and even a bit weird whenever he runs out of a room abruptly — but you always excused it as a need to go to the bathroom or a family emergency, just like he always said. Despite that fact, he was practically flawless. Always top of his class and sweet to everyone, even to Flash, who never returned the kind gestures. 

Truthfully, you have never spoken to your high school crush because that’s exactly what he is, a crush and nothing more. Of course, there have been times where you’ve bumped into each other at social events or in the hallways, but your anxiety always got to you and you’d practically run away whenever he said a simple hello or smiled at you.

It didn’t help he was extremely gorgeous either, soft wavy brown hair and big doe eyes that could make any girl drop to their knees — literally. He was taller than most guys and his style wasn’t as basic, just casually trendy. Mark wasn’t exactly popular but he was well-known for his internship at Stark industries that he got freshman year.

Basically you never had a chance with him in high school even if you dreamed about it, because Mark was the school’s it-guy and you were just, nobody. Just a random classmate he had and that was all. Not to mention he was always pining after Liz Allan, then once she moved, it was MJ. So no chance there.

Now that you’re in college, you had hoped that your stupid crush would go away and you’d meet a nice guy who would sweep you off your feet. But as luck will have it, when you’re moving into your dorm you see Mark on campus with a couple of his close friends, all helping him move stuff into a dorm as well. Great.

So that’s where you are now, into your second year of college with your high school crush; who has now become your college crush and will quite possibly be the death of you. You can only hope that he doesn’t go to the same graduate school as you. You’ve managed to go this far without him noticing you though, because it would probably be too embarrassing for you if he remembered you as the weird girl who would run out on him. You’ve gone this far.

Until tonight of course.

You’re at a party, not one you wanted to go willingly but your roommate forced you from your warm cocoon of a bed and season 6 grey’s anatomy on netflix, with the words “you never leave the room and I need a sober friend to make sure I don’t have my nudes leaked,” so here you are.

Leaning against a wall in an empty corner, watching as your fellow students drink their kidneys to shit and dance practically in their underwear. Some are either in the bathroom getting coked up, or getting cocked down. The music is blasting loudly in your ears and you hum along to the beat of a whiny pop song that’s popular this week. Your roommate had ditched you a long time ago to go “dance with a guy” but you know that it’s code for ‘I’m getting dick tonight.’

You’re on your second cup of some mixed fruity punch that is spiked with 3 different hard liquors but you don’t really care since you didn’t pay for it. Serving yourself another cup, you turn around and scan the large room. Everyone in the dance floor is packed so closely together like a can of sardines. Your eyes land on a familiar adoring face that makes you smile, he’s wearing a red flannel and a random band tee with black ripped jeans.

He’s talking to some of his friends but a random girl is on his side, practically crawling for his attention. You laugh at the scene and it’s almost like he recognizes it, because when his eyes look around, they land on you. You don’t look away as usual, and he stares at you for a moment before he smiles. An actual, soft smile that makes you want to hug him and kiss his face.

Instead you turn around as fast you can, walking to the front door. You’re halfway down the driveway when you hear someone calling you.

“Hey!” You turn around and see Mark jogging softly to you, the same smile on his face, “you went to the same high school as me right?”

Oh my god, what the hell are you supposed to say.

“Y-Yeah,” you manage to blurt out and his smile actually widens. Holy shit.

“Cool, thought I recognized you,” he says, his brown eyes sparkling under the moonlight, “so you go to Empire State Uni too?”

You nod, trying to keep your composure.

“Funny, wonder why I haven’t run into you before..” you blink at him.

“Yeah.. um, I should, probably go get my friend–it’s getting late,” you stammer and avoid eye contact, trying to move around him.

“Hey wait,” he stops in front of you again, hands raised in defense, “did I do something to you in high school? I’m sorry if I did, I tried to be nice to everyone.”

You shake your head immediately, “no you didn’t, it’s just you’re Mark Lee–”

“And you’re y/n, the girl who always runs away from me,” He gives you a soft grin that makes you weak in the knees.

“You know my name?” you ask him, confused.

“Yes of course, everyone knew who you were,” he chuckles, “you tutored a lot of people, not to mention head of the homecoming committee.”

“Oh yeah that, haha,” you let out a weak giggle, completely embarrassed.

“I think it’s cool that you helped out so much, I wish I were that nice,” Mark compliments you.

“But you’re Mark Lee, you’re nice to everyone, even to that know-it-all Flash. If anyone is admirable, it’s you,” you say without a single thought.

His eyes widen slightly and you blush immediately in shame at your outburst.

“You think I’m admirable?–”

“I gotta go! My friend needs me!” you charge past him successfully this time and run into the house without another look, “bye Mark!”

-

“A little birdy told me you were talking to Mark Lee at the party, spill the tea!” Your roommate Jisoo squeals, jumping on your bed. You bounce lightly, taking out your headphones and scrunch your nose at her, “I’m working on my History essay right now.”

“Whatever- Tell me all about your sexversation with Mark!”

“What? How do you know I talked to-“

“Doesn’t matter! Spill!”

“Nothing happened, he remembered me from high school, that’s it. There was no sex involved.”

“So you didn’t run out on him like you always did before? You had an actual conversation with him like a normal human being right?”

“Yes, sort of, kinda?” You push your reading glasses up your nose bridge, “he knew my name.”

“Oh my god!” She squeals three pitches higher than usual, making you groan, “he’s in love with you, he remembered you from high school!”

“No he isn’t, he mentioned that I tutored before so I probably helped one of his old pals, not a big deal,” you mutter, eyes focusing back on the laptop.

“Y/n, honey, how mad would you be if I smacked the sense back into you?”

“Don’t you dare Jisoo, I will hide all of your nice panties when you have a dick appointment,” you warn, and she sighs in frustration.

“Fine! But when you guys fall in love, don’t say I didn’t tell you so!” She singsongs, moving back to her bed to finally leave you at peace.

She’s completely crazy.. right?

Midterms were getting closer and closer as the days went on. It has been a while since your little encounter with Mark at the party and your roommate had finally stopped bugging you about it. Your life was going back to normal, despite you constantly revisiting that moment in time where you actually held a conversation with the love of your life. Still, you had bigger things to focus on and a degree to get, not some fantasy-land boyfriend.

You’re at the library, having been studying your brains out for the past 3 hours and it’s honestly all turned to mush at this point. Too many things to stuff into your head all at once and you sigh, rubbing your eyes in frustration. All you need is a nice cup of coffee to regain your senses and energy back, but you also don’t want to lose your spot either. Resting your head in your arms, you close your eyes for a moment, composing yourself to go back to another 3 hours of cramming.

You feel a soft tap on your arm, and raise your head, looking at a smiling Mark once again. He’s sporting grey sweats and a Midtown High hoodie. “I brought you a cup,” he says shyly, placing a cup of coffee in front of you, “you looked like you needed it.” You look at the cup and back at him awkwardly.

“You probably don’t want to talk to me.. so I’ll go study somewhere else,” his smile slips away slightly, and he turns around to walk away.

“Mark, wait,” you call out, and he stops in his tracks.

“You can sit with me, I don’t mind,” you manage to say and he turns to you with raised brows.

“You sure? I-I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he lightly blushes and you almost visibly swoon at his cuteness.

“Please,” you smile softly, “I could use your company.”

Mark blinks at your words before his face breaks into the cute, goofy grin that you’ve only seen when he’s with his friends.

After that day, Mark has become your friend, though could you even call him that? I mean, he always hangs out around you now, brings you coffee when you need it and helps you study with that big brain of his. You admire him really, how he manages to get straight A’s, go to classes everyday and work at his internship is beyond you. You can barely keep up with your 8am classes, let alone work and study full time. He’s as amazing as he was in high school and it does little to help your heart from yearning for him as something more.

Despite the big step of becoming close to Mark, you still don’t have a chance, especially now that you’re technically friend zoned right? Even then, Mark is still Mark, still handsome as ever and completely out of your league. If he wasn’t popular in high school, he certainly is now. All the girls in the university have their eye on him, including Gwen Stacy, quite possibly the most beautiful girl on campus. She is a chem major, just like Mark and as equally well known as him.

They were perfect for each other actually, even if you dread the thought of it. You know you should probably stop talking to Mark if you want to move on like you had planned, but he is such a sweet person that you couldn’t possibly just ignore him like that. With his big puppy eyes looking at you, soft lips that you could kiss for like, ever-

“Earth to y/n!” One of your group partners for your finance project taps your notebook with their pencil, snapping you from your thoughts.

“Huh? Sorry!” You cough, refocusing on the project. “Anyways like I was saying, we should set up a chart, for the company budget cuts-“

Before she can continue, the floor beneath you trembles and the walls shake in the library. Everyone looks around confused before another loud rumble is heard, following screams. Your eyes widen as everyone runs out to find out what all the commotion is. As you make it outside, you halt in your step when you look up. You’re not sure what it is at first, until mechanical tentacles start to swing around, gripping on to surfaces.

“Where is he?!” The man at the top of the machine yells, “I know spiderman is on this campus! Where are you?!”

Everyone begins to run away as he walks closer but you stay put in shock, “Fine! I’ll make one of you tell me where he is!” You look as he zones in across from you, right on Jisoo who is equally as scared and doesn’t move from where she is. He raises one of his arms to grab her but you push her out of the way, “Jisoo run!”

You feel something wrap around your waist, lifting you up roughly into the air. Letting out the loudest scream you’ve ever done, you try to get out of his grip as he lifts you in front of him.

“Saving your friend huh? God I hate heroes,” the man sneers, “now where’s spiderman?!”

“Put me down!” you scream, flailing aimlessly.

“Tell me or I’ll peel the flesh of your body,” he hisses, bringing two more tentacles closer to your face. You scream louder and squeeze your eyes shut at the sight of the knives.

“Your choice. Spiderman you better come out! Before your little classmate becomes fresh meat,” he grins maniacally.

“Hey loser! I’m over here!” Someone shouts from behind him, dressed in red and blue. Spiderman swings around him, wrapping the legs with webs and tightening it, causing Dr. Otto’s machine to lose balance. You both fall and you brace for impact, but it never comes and you’re caught by Spiderman as he swings you both to the other side of the campus.

“Hey, you okay?” He asks, as he sets you down and you look at him in shock.

“You-You’re, s-spiderman-“

“Yeah, but don’t worry, I’m just your friendly neighborhood spiderman,” he says, before looking behind him, “I gotta go, but please be safe! Don't want pretty girls like you in danger!”

Before you can say another word, he swings away to fight the villain.

-

You’re in love with him.

No not Mark, I mean, yes you love Mark, but now you’re in love with Spiderman too. Currently in your dorm watching the news and seeing your newfound crush beat that mechanical octopus’ ass. After he rescued you, he broke off most of his arms, before finally tying him up and sending him off to the police. Swooning as he is freeze framed on the tv, you grin like a little schoolgirl. You’ve never had a thing for superheroes, maybe Thor if any, but to have one actually save you? You could get married to him right then and there.

Loud knocking is heard at your door and you turn off the tv, walking towards it. You’re greeted with a sweaty looking Mark, staring at you in concern, “Are you okay? I heard that monster thing got you?!”

“I’m fine, I got saved,” you smile at the memory of your new found love.

“By who?” Mark raises his eyebrows slightly.

“Spiderman,” you giggle lightly, but it causes you to wince in pain.

“Are you okay?! Let’s sit down,” he helps you move to your bed, “What happened?”

“That stupid octopussy tried to hurt Jisoo so I pushed her away and he snatched me instead,” you hold your stomach, too busy swooning over Spiderman to realize you were in actual pain.

“You saved Jisoo..? Wow,” you look at him confused as he stares at you in awe before he stands up, grabbing an ice pack from the mini-fridge you have, “I mean, is she okay?”

“Yeah, went home today though, needed to be with her family.”

“Understandable,” he nods, giving you the ice pack along with some water, “so Spiderman huh?” he says coolly, drinking some water himself.

“Yeah.. he’s pretty cool,” you say dreamily, “I.. I think I’m in love with him.”

Mark chokes on his water and starts coughing uncontrollably. “Mark oh my god, breathe,” you pat his back and he shakes his head, trying gain his breath.

“I’m okay, I’m just-“ he says in a strained voice, before finally composing himself, “you love him?”

“Well he saved my life, there’s just something really, sexy about that,” you say, grinning.

Mark stares at you with wide eyes and mouth dropped which makes you laugh and you wince again. “Careful,” he warns, trying to keep composure, “y-you really love him?”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m probably never going to see him ever again,” you sigh, swinging your feet on your bed, “but if he ever asked me to have one night, just one hot, sweaty, and wet night together.. I’d let him do me all night.”

Mark stands up abruptly, placing his cup on your nightstand before walking to the door, “Alright! Well I gotta go do, uh, homework, I’m glad you’re okay-“ he looks at the floor with a blush on his cheeks and opens the door—face smacking against the doorframe, before finally walking out, “sorry b-bye!”

-

The university shuts down classes for a month to give students time to alleviate any trauma, but mainly to fix the campus back up. And in the last two weeks, you’ve been thinking about your spider boo, as Jisoo calls him, who doesn’t knock on your window at night like you had hoped. Instead you spend your nights with Mark in your dorm, watching 80’s movies back to back on your laptop. Tonight is just the same as the rest.

“God I wish I went to high school in the 80s,” you sigh, munching on some popcorn.

“Why?” Mark laughs, “high school would’ve sucked.”

“Well it did suck for some of us, ‘Mr. Everyone likes me,’” you scrunch your nose at him, “it wasn’t that fun for me.”

“Not everyone liked me, you didn’t like me,” he chuckles, throwing a piece of popcorn at you.

“Of course I did, I had such a huge crush on you-“ the words fall out of your mouth before you can realize and once it’s out, Mark isn’t laughing anymore.

“What?” He whispers.

“N-Nothing,” you attempt to save your dignity and the friendship you’ve built with him.

“You liked me?” He sits up, staring directly at you now. Your eyes stay on the screen, wishing your bed could swallow you whole at that very moment.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mark asks, clearly frustrated.

“Because it didn’t matter,” you mutter and he scoffs, standing up at your words.

“Of course it matters! Y/n, why didn’t you tell me!” He says loudly, and you look at him in shock.

“No it didn’t, you’re Mark Lee, you were every girl’s teenage dream! Everyone liked you because you were so cool and smart! You didn’t even know I existed,” You finally let out, “besides you were always dating someone — how was I supposed to tell you?”

“By talking to me? God y/n, you act like I was going to be disgusted by you or something!” He says loudly, trying not to yell.

“Because I thought you were! Mark don’t you get it? You’re this great, handsome guy that is way out of my league, you’re too good for me, always have been, always will! I’m a nobody, okay? You’re supposed to be with someone like Gwen.. not me,” you yell, and surprisingly Mark’s eyes soften. You always expected him to yell and tell you to never talk to him ever, that he is actually disgusted by you and never wants to see you again.. but he doesn’t.

“Y/N,” he sighs before taking a deep breath, “I love you, okay?”

“Mark don’t lie-“

“I’m being serious! You think I never noticed you in high school? Y/n, you were all I could think about then, I wanted to talk to you so badly and ask you out but whenever I had the chance, you’d scatter like I was a disease! I figured you didn’t like me so I dated other people to get over you,” he confesses, pulling at his hair in frustration, “then I saw you here again and I realized that I can’t get over you, because I love you.”

“You’re lying.. you don’t mean it, you’re just being nice,” you stammer, shaking your head as tears flood your eyes, “how can you love me? you’re Mark Lee-“

“You keep saying that, but this Mark Lee loves you.. so just let me love you,” he says, grabbing your cheek to wipe away your flowing tears.

“Why? Why do you love me? I’m not like the girls you’ve dated,” you whisper, and he gives you a smile.

“I only dated them to get over you,” he pulls you to the edge of the bed to keep you close, “I dated them, but I only love you.”

“Mark?” “Yeah?”

“Please kiss me,” you finally say, staring at his bright eyes up close for the first time ever.

He smiles and leans down, capturing your lips in a longing kiss. The kiss is everything you hoped it would be and more. His lips are as soft as his hands that hold your hips perfectly, his mouth moves smoothly against your own and he’s just as amazing as you always knew he’d be.

You make the bold move of moving backwards on your bed so he can climb over you in the midst of the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck as he lays snug on top of you.

His mouth moves skillfully on your own and you run your hands through his hair in delight. Unconsciously, you wrap your legs around his waist, bringing his groin close to your heat. The kiss turns needier and his hands run from your hip to your thigh, gripping it. Licking his bottom lip with your tongue, he opens his mouth and welcomes it with his. Your mouths move faster, as you both are clearly turned on and the atmosphere is getting hotter.

Lifting your hips up, you grind against his hard-on, eliciting a shocked moan from Mark. You repeat the motion before he catches on, moving his hips into yours as well. His hard-on flicking deliciously against your centre. Breaking away from his mouth, you moan softly when he hits your clit exactly. He keeps doing it, kissing down your neck.

You’re so close but you know it isn’t enough to get you there, so you push him off softly onto the bed. “I’m sorry, did I do something?-“

“Shh, Mark, I just wanna suck you off,” you whisper, unbuckling his belt. His eyes blink wide repeatedly, and he nods, helping you pull down his pants. His dick is straining painfully against his dark briefs and you palm him softly, before pulling them down his legs.

“And you have a pretty dick too? Mark Lee you’re not fair,” you hum, leaning down to lick his tip. He’s long, not necessarily thick but big enough to have your panties soak further at the sight. A nice red tip and shaved, not a single hair on his pelvis.

Swirling your tongue around his tip, you look up at his reaction as your mouth envelopes around his length. You move softly at first, enjoying every moan that comes from his lips. “F-Fuck, I can’t believe this is actually happening,” he stutters, throwing his head back.

You giggle and start to bob your head faster, gaining a rhythm that has him twitching underneath you. “Oh my god, I’m so fucking close already,” he groans, his hands gripping your hair in his fingers, “oh god, I’m gonna cum if you keep-“

This only makes you go harder, dropping your mouth as far as you can go and swallowing at his tip. “Holy shit, fuck fuck fuck, I can’t hold it-I’m gonna cum-“ you feel it hit the back of your throat, streams of warmth flooding your mouth. Mark stutters, hips twitching before he calms down, releasing his grip in your hair.

You wipe at your mouth with a small smile and he looks at you in disbelief, “you literally made me come in two minutes.”

“Think you can do the same for me?” You say coyly and he grins, pushing you on the bed this time. He pulls your soft cotton shorts down your legs to show off your bare womanhood, and he groans at the sight. “So this whole time you’ve been wearing no panties beside me?”

He doesn’t wait for you to say something before he leans down and licks a stripe up for center, making your shutter. Holding your legs apart, he eats you out softly, carefully and taking his time. You softly mewl at the feeling, grabbing his hair. “I need your fingers, please,” you beg, feeling your high so close.

He licks one of his long fingers before rubbing it on your clit, dragging it down and pushing it in slowly. He mouths at you again while simultaneously fingering you, making your legs tremble in pleasure.

“Oh Mark,” you moan, “yes right there.”

“You’re so hot like this,” he mumbles into your clit, “I’ve wanted you here, like this, for such a long time.”

He wastes no time moving his finger quicker, mouthing at your pussy like a starved man and your toes curl, as you near your high.

“I’m gonna-“ you gasp, holding on to his hair when he pushes another finger in, fucking you hard with them. “Shit, shit, fuck-“ Your back arches off your bed and your legs grip around his head as you come, body finally relaxing after a few moments.

When you finally look at Mark, he’s staring at you in awe, mouth glistening with your arousal and chest huffing to catch his breath. It’s a beautiful sight to see and you give anything to see him just like this forever. Pulling him in for a kiss, you taste yourself on his tongue but you don’t mind it, enjoying his lips on yours instead.

He pulls away after a few moments and sighs happily, “I can die a happy man now,” he grins, pulling you beside him to cuddle and you giggle, but that only lasts a moment before you begin to wonder what will happen now. Does this mean you’re a couple? Was this just a bit of fun for him?

“Hey,” he tilts your chin up, “what’s with the frown pretty girl?”

“I’m just thinking.. what does this mean?” You find the courage to say, “are we a thing now?”

“Y/n.. you've always been my girl, just took awhile for you to finally realize,” he kisses your forehead. The action brings warmth to your heart and you lay your head on his chest, finally closing your eyes and letting them rest for the night.

The next morning, the sunlight from outside shines through your room and hits you directly in the face, waking you up after a few moments. You move away and blink repeatedly, adjusting your eyes to the light before looking beside you, with an empty spot. Sitting up, you look around the room and there is no trace of Mark anywhere, not a note not his clothes, absolutely nothing.

Quickly checking your phone, you’re only met with social media notifications and no messages or calls from Mark as usual. It takes a moment for you to realize what this means before it finally settles in, and tears flood your eyes in anger.

“Fuck you Mark Lee!” You yell out, throwing your phone across the room, “stupid, stupid, stupid!”

You collapse back into bed and cry your heart out. Of course he didn’t mean what he said, of course he doesn’t want you. What did you expect? He’s Mark Lee! Guys like him don’t fall for girls like you. You were so stupid to believe him, that he could actually love someone like you. All he wanted was to get his dick wet and that’s it.

You were so stupid.

The days following you’re either in your room crying all night or attending your morning classes. He hasn’t contacted you yet, not even a stupid ‘sorry’ text to make himself feel better. As if he even feels bad.

At least Jisoo is finally back, and when she finds that Mark has broken your heart, she is on a rampage to kill him. “How could he do this to you?! That little shit!” Were her exact words before she consoled you and cancelled her dick appointment that night to have a girl’s night with you.

You try your best to avoid Mark on campus, always surveilling the area before walking somewhere because you can’t deal with seeing him just yet. Though it seems like he’s doing the same, because you never catch him walking around and it’s as if he’s gone off the face of the earth. Good, as he should.

Sadly enough, classes are back in session and now you have chapters to catch up on that you’ve missed since the incident. So you’re in the library once again, trying to get ready for finals like everyone else in the room. Normally you’d study with Mark and he’d give you tips or make studying fun with his lame jokes.

“Did you hear what happened to Spiderman?” Another student beside you whispers to his friend.

“Yeah I heard, my mom says the neighborhood has gotten dangerous since he disappeared,” the other student tells them, “too bad, wonder what happened?”

“I heard the Avengers got sent on a mission and some got stuck behind, there's a video on YouTube,” the guy tsks, “hope he’s not dead.”

The other person mumbles in agreement and you stop listening to their conversation at that point. Poor Spiderman, the only real good man in New York, now gone. Just your luck huh? Both of your love life’s basically non existing now. Placing your headphones back in, you play some music to focus back on your work.

That night, you’re waiting for Jisoo to get back from the convenience store with your snacks to watch some cheesy chick flick that she has been begging you to watch. The movie is all set up on your computer and you’re in your comfy pjs with fuzzy socks to keep your feet warm. Scrolling through your phone while you wait, there is a quick knock on your door, signaling that Jisoo’s back. “Did you get the-“ you open the door and stop mid sentence when you’re greeted by Mark Lee instead of your roommate. He looks tired, eyes rimmed with dark circles and the same clothes he was wearing the night he used you. His hair is shaggier like he hasn’t cut it and there’s a shadow on his upper lip.

“What are you doing here?” You hiss and he looks hurt, but not surprised.

“Y/n, please listen to me, I know you’re mad but I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s just that-“

“Oh really? You didn’t mean to hurt me? Didn’t mean to get yourself off and then pretend like it never happened?”

“No that’s not what it was-“ “Then what? You were just feeling horny and thought you could use me? That you could come here weeks later and I’d forgive you?”

“Y/n, please, let me explain. I love you, I really do-“

You cut him off once again, “Don’t. Don’t you ever say that to me again. You’re a piece of shit Mark, I really cared about you and I thought you were nice. But now I finally realize who you are, you’re too cool for me, you could never like me the same way. I get who you are now, because you’re Mark Lee,” you say all in one breath, before slamming the door on his fake ‘broken’ looking face.

As soon as the door shuts, you fall to ground and let out the hurt tears immediately. You can still hear him outside your door, begging you to open up and let him explain but you don’t care if he hears you cry, because you don’t give a shit anymore. For years you’ve loved the kid and he’s nothing like you imagined. You should’ve just listened to yourself from the beginning and just stayed away. Oh, how you wish you had listened, because now your high school crush has become your college heartbreak.

It takes him a while to leave and for you to collect yourself and Jisoo finally walks in with the bag of goodies in her hand, that she drops, once she sees you as a mopping mess on the floor. You cry all night again and the cringey movie is forgotten all about.

-

The next day, you don’t leave your room at all, missing all of your morning classes because you're too depressed to get out of bed. Your nose is stuffy and eyes are puffy so you figured you’d save the world from looking at you, a sad mess. You try to distract yourself with some tv, but even that reminds of you Mark. So you opt for the news, and thankfully it’s reported that the remaining lost Avengers are back and safe. It’s the only thing that brings a smile on your face that day, because at least one of your lost loves hasn’t disappointed you.

It doesn’t keep you happy for long though, as the hours go by and you’re still all alone in bed. You attempt to do some homework on your laptop that night and copy notes of today’s class from one of your classmates via screenshot.

You’re in the middle of a paragraph when you hear light tapping on your window and freeze. The tapping continues and you’re confused, because you’re on the top floor. So who the hell is out there?

Sitting up, you pull the curtain back to see a familiar red and blue mask looking at you. Gasping, you open the window for him. “Can I come in?” Spiderman asks, holding himself on a web with ease. You nod slowly and scoot aside to give him room. He climbs in and looks around your dorm.

“Cute room,” he says and turns back to you but you’re still gaping at him.

“How do you- How did you find me?” you stutter and he chuckles lightly.

“I have my ways, just came by to check on the cute girl I rescued a while ago,” he flirts, causing you to blush. Holy shit! Spiderman is in your room! Flirting with you!

“Are you okay? I heard you were trapped?” You ask him, trying to keep your cool.

“Yeah but I'm okay, got out of there alive so,” he laughs awkwardly, and suddenly you get a sense of familiarity from him, “whatcha doing?”

“Notes, missed class today,” you say, and he tsks.

“How come?” He turns his mask covered head to the side in question.

“Didn’t feel well, stress, some problems I’m having,” you say sadly, but give him a fake smile to cover it, “no biggie.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Spiderman, are you telling me you snuck into my room at 12am to talk about my life problems?” You joke, giving him a real smile this time.

“Hey, problems are problems, even if they're not life or death, I’m still here for everyone.”

“It’s nothing, I’m just stupid sometimes,” you shake your head, “I thought this boy liked me but guess I wasn’t good enough. I should’ve known, my fault.”

“How do you know he doesn’t like you? Did he say he didn’t?”

“Well no but he hurt me, he ignored me for a long time and pretended like I didn’t exist,” you retort and he nods.

“Did you let him explain why? Maybe he had a good reason.” He defends, and you give him a slight frown.

“Who’s side are you on?” You tilt your head, “I hope you’re on mine, I mean he broke my heart. I cried for days over him, he lied to me and told me that he loves me but ignores me? What’s there to explain?”

Spiderman looks down at his lap for a moment before standing up and pacing around the room.

“Y/n,” he says, finally turning to you, “he is sorry, he wants to tell you what happened, but if you would just let him explain. He didn’t want to leave you that night, he wasn’t going to until there was an emergency.”

“Huh? How do you know he left?” You ask him, puzzled, “did Mark put you up to this?”

“No gosh, Y/n,” he groans before shaking his head, “I am Mark.”

“What? That doesn’t make sense? How can you be Mark? You’re Spiderman!”

He doesn’t answer but takes a deep breath, before lifting his mask and revealing his identity. Truth be told, Mark is behind it with a nervous look on his face and your eyes widen.

“Mark! Oh my god,” you blink repeatedly, “you’re actually him?”

“I am, I was going to tell you after that night but then,” he winces at the memory, “I had to leave, I was supposed to come back before you even woke up but some of us were stranded in another galaxy.”

“So you didn’t leave on purpose? You were gonna come back?”

He nods, “I’m really sorry y/n, if I had known I’d be gone for so long I would’ve told you.”

The room is quiet for a few moments and Mark is standing there unsure if you believe him and if you’re going to kick him out again.

“Mark,” you whisper, instantly running towards him to hug him. He sighs in relief, holding you tightly. His body starts to shake like he’s scared that if he lets you go, you’ll leave.

“I’m sorry Mark,” you mumble into his suit with wet tears, “I should’ve let you explain.”

“It’s okay,” he rubs your back, “we’re okay now, I’m never leaving you again.”

You hold each other for a long time, swaying a bit as you wipe your tears. He lifts your chin and kisses you softly on the mouth, then your nose and cheeks.

“So you saved me that day?” You ask and he nods shyly. “So you were my hero? That’s pretty hot.”

“It was nothing really,” he blushes, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Remember what I told you that night?”

“What?” He asks as you stare at him coyly before realizing what you meant, “oh, oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” you kiss his cheek, then his lips softly, before going down his strong jaw and neck. Suckling on the supple skin, you give him a love bite, proudly claiming him as yours. He moans at the feeling, before bringing your mouth to his again. Your arms wrap around his neck and his roam down your body until they reach your legs. He lifts them, wrapping them around his waist with ease like you weigh as much as a feather and takes you towards your bed.

You lay back and his kisses go down your neck. His hands cup one of your breasts through your shirt, and he feels the peaks as you’re not wearing a bra.

Mark breaks away from your mouth for a moment to lift your shirt over your head, before sucking on one of your nipples. He holds the other in his hand, moving in circular motions. You hum in delight and he smiles, kissing down your tummy. You know what his next move is but you stop his hands from reaching your waistband. “Wait Mark,” you mumble, bringing him back up to meet your lips, “I can’t wait anymore, I really want you inside of me.”

“O-Oh, yeah, sure,” his eyes widened and Mark stands up, tapping on his chest to release his suit, falling to his knees. He trips on the material as he tries to get out of it, causing a laugh to come from you. “Sorry, sorry!”

Finally when he’s all composed, he towers over you, “hi,” he says shyly and you giggle.

“God I love you,” you smile and he says it back, kissing you once more.

Your bottoms come off along with his and he hisses when your wet lips come in contact with the tip of dick. “Do you have, uh, a condom?”

You shake your head, “no but I’m clean, and on birth control.”

“Oh thank god,” he whispers and slides his tip between your lower lips, collecting your arousal for lubrication. Finally, he pushes in and pulls out halfway to get you used to his size. “Please Mark,” you raise your hips and his dick pushes all the way in.

“Oh my, fuck,” Mark groans, dropping his head onto your shoulder as he bottoms out, “you’re so tight.” He starts a pace, moving faster with every thrust until he has you a mess underneath him.

“Yes just like that,” you moan, watching where your bodies meet. You feel so full, better than you ever have before and he fits inside of you perfectly, hitting all the spots that have you seeing stars.

His movements never falter and you’d like to thank his superhero strength for it. “I’m gonna come,” you whimper, holding onto his forearms.

And as if he couldn’t move any faster, he does and it makes your eyes roll to the back of your head. “Come for me baby,” he tells you, his voice deeper than usual. It’s all it takes for you to get to your high, scratching down his back as your body shakes.

He slows his thrusts so you can catch your breath. You take whatever strength you have left to push Mark on to the bed, straddling his waist. Putting him back in, you move your hips up and down slowly, watching his reaction. His bottom lip is caught between his teeth, sweat cascading down his body and his soft hair is sticking in different places. He looks so sexy and it only encourages you further to ride him harder.

“You have no idea how long–oh fuck,” he groans when you swivel your hips, “how long I’ve dreamt of you riding me like this.”

You continue to move up and down, back and forth until he’s gripping your hips harshly, so sure enough there will be marks in the morning. Mark is a complete mess at your touch, muttering praises and groans into the air. You’re so close again already but you want to make him feel good, so you tighten yourself around him.

“F-Fuck, I’m gonna come,” he gasps, throwing his head back, “keep riding me just like that.” You lift your hips higher and move harder on his cock until he’s crying out your name with a curse.

“Oh fuck,” he groans, filling you with streams of his warm arousal.

Mark shutters under you until he’s completely soft and you lift off of him. His come runs down your thigh and he quickly grabs a tissue from your nightstand to clean you up. Wiping himself down, he tosses it in your trash bin before giving you a shy smile. You both climb into your bed and under the sheets to enjoy a bit of cuddling and pillow talk.

Hours go by before you know it, and you snuggle into his neck tiredly. “Mm, ‘missed you,” Mark mumbles, keeping you close to him.

“I missed you too,” you smile, “missed spiderman too.”

“Yeah? You still in love with him?” he looks at you and jokes.

“Mm, not really,” you shake your head and Mark furrows his brows, “I’m in love with you, the nerdy and goofy version of you.”

“Doesn’t sound very cool,” he scrunches his nose.

“Yeah, well, who do you prefer? Spiderman, the one who has to fight crime all day? Or Mark Lee, the one I get to ride everyday now?” You kiss his neck and he shivers at your words.

“Mark Lee sounds pretty cool now I think about it,” he mumbles.

“Really now? Well then you better come here, bugboy,” you whisper, bringing him in for another kiss.

His phone buzzes loudly, breaking the kiss and he reaches over. Reading the text, Mark gives you a look of worry but you shake your head.

“Go get ‘em Spiderman,” you smile proudly and he kisses you sweetly. Getting his suit back on, he slips his mask over his face, “I’ll be back this time, I promise!”

“Good, I love you Mark.”

“I love you too,” he tells you lovingly, before opening your window and jumping out smoothly.

Who would’ve thought your high school crush would be your college boyfriend? And a hot fricking superhero!

-

a/n: thank u god for mark lee and spiderman

[mizumelona]

set me up | atsumu x reader

SYNOPSIS: You’re an ambitious career woman, who’s got everything…except a significant other. Your mom, sick of you showing up to family functions alone, sets you up on a series of (terrible) blind dates. You make these dates meet you at your favorite restaurant, Onigiri Miya, but for some reason the owner’s jerk of a twin brother always happens to be there exactly when things crash and burn.

NOTE: This chapter is dedicated to my lovely friend Sharon who encouraged me to start this blog and helps me with my writing. @Sharon I kept my promise hehe.

MASTERLIST

PREV | WFH 1 - THE TRUCE | NEXT

TAGLIST: @awkwardali6106 @kasandrafaye @veggytaled @svtbitch @stinkyobeymerat @hollypastl @differentballooncollection @o51oc @sunboikyo00 @justxanotherxshipper​ @kaisemieita @rizamendoza808 @tomo-uwu @sugardaddykenma​

~

You tossed Atsumu’s sweater into the washer with your other juice covered clothes and made your way to your bedroom. You picked up your phone to text your mom.

Lovely Daughter:

I think I need to take a break from these dates

You still wanted to find a boyfriend and flex on your cousin, but this blind dating thing wasn’t exactly working out. You cringed remembering that your favorite cream shorts might be ruined for good. Taking a step back seemed like a good choice for now. Maybe you’d spontaneously run into someone worth your time. Blonde hair and a cheeky smirk flashed in your mind.

Huh. What was that? You shook your head. That was definitely not happening.

As you finished sending the message you got another notification.

Boss:

Reminder that our team is working from home this week while they replace the carpets in the office. Can you send me the updated prototype of your project by Friday morning?

Ugh. Working from home was bad news for you. Despite being an overachiever, your home was a safe oasis that was completely separated from your work life. When it came to trying to work while your favorite blanket and TV were 2 feet away, you had no self-control. You tried to look on the bright side. Who knows? Maybe this is the week you learned a little self-control.

~

Onigiri Miya. Thursday 6:27 PM

It wasn’t.

You had plenty of inspiration on Monday but took a break to watch one episode of your favorite sports anime and ended up binging the next two seasons. Tuesday you’d pulled up the files you needed to work on but you saw a manga spoiler while browsing Instagram and decided to binge the manga too. Yesterday you were shook about the most recent cliffhanger and got carried away reading fan fiction. It wasn’t until 5 PM that you realized that the prototype was due in a day but by then you were already fucked.

Cut to you grinding like crazy for the past 24 hours. You’d pulled an all-nighter last night except for 20 minutes at 5 in the morning when you crashed and knocked out on your keyboard. When you woke up there was an imprint of the spacebar on your chin. Finally you had most of the prototype completed, so you were crawling out of your cave for some food.

Sweats, glasses, hair messily pulled away from your face. You haggardly stumbled toward the restaurant. You’d exhausted your instant noodle supplies and had been so focused on finishing the damn prototype that you didn’t stop to eat today. You were pretty sure you were going to pass out if you didn’t get some food in your body ASAP.

You pushed the door to the restaurant open.

“Welcom- woah [Y/N]…you doing okay?”, Osamu paused mid rice ball roll and looked you up and down.

“Holy shit ya look like a zombie!”, Atsumu exclaimed from his usual seat at the bar.

You ignored Atsumu’s comment. You had no energy left for making snarky comebacks. “Osamu. Three Minced tuna onigiri and an iced Calpico please and thank you.”

“Sure…”, Osamu gave you a concerned look before turning to get started on your order.

You dumped your things onto an open table and sunk into the seat. You flipped open the laptop that you’d brought with you and started tapping on the keys. There was a big fat error alert on the screen. Great. You tried to edit the file. Another error. Ugh you were so close it was frustrating. You typed a few more edits in. Success! Loading…

Finally. You leaned back into the chair, staring at the ceiling. You heard some familiar footsteps approaching you. Here he comes.

On cue, Atsumu slid into the seat across from you. “Yo what happened?”

“I’m an idiot. That’s what happened.” You closed your eyes and massaged your temples. Your head was aching from staring at the screen for so long.

He snorted. “I know a lotta idiots but you aren’t one of them” He peeked over at your screen. “What’s with the laptop? This isn’t a coffeeshop sweetheart”

“Work.” You bluntly replied. You scrunched up your face. Sure his voice was smooth as ever, but right now anything but complete silence was making your head pound.

“You’re in a good mood aintcha?” He smirked. You glowered in his direction, your dark circles making you look extra ominous.

“Stop irritating my customers ‘Tsumu” Osamu smoothly shut Atsumu down. He placed a tray of food on the table. “I got three minced tuna onigiri and an iced Calpico”

“Bring me a drink too ‘Samu”

“Get it yourself ’Tsumu”

An upbeat ringtone started playing from Osamu’s pocket. He pulled his phone out and took the call. “Hey babe…I’m just at the restaurant…no, it’s not that busy…wait…what!” Osamu raised his eyebrows.”…Okay yeah I’ll be right there.” He turned to Atsumu. “‘Tsumu close the restaurant. I need to go help Sharon”

“Huh? Ya can’t just-“, Atsumu tried to protest, but Osamu took his Onigiri Miya hat off and shoved it on Atsumu’s head. Osamu scrawled a note about closing early and taped it to the door on his way out. Atsumu stood there looking irritated as he watched his brother run off through the window.

He turned to you. “Well ya heard him. You’re gonna hafta take your rice balls and work home sweetheart”

Wait. You checked your screen. 15%. Rip. Starting the process while you ate dinner probably wasn’t the best idea, but you needed this to finish loading and couldn’t risk it getting messed up on the trip back up to your apartment. You turned to Atsumu, “I’m sorry about earlier. Please let me stay a little longer. I really need this thing to finish loading”

“No way”

“It’ll only take a second” You pleaded with him. He turned to walk away. “Please. Atsumu”

He paused. Wait, was that the first time you’d called him by his real name? He turned back to you with that devious smile he got whenever he had one of his “brilliant” ideas.

“How ‘bout this? You help me clean, I’ll letcha stay here even though I really should be closing up”

“Deal”

~

Onigiri Miya. 45 Minutes Later.

“I’m pretty sure when we made our deal you said it would take ‘just a second’”. The bashful smile from earlier had long been wiped off his face replaced with the current impatient scowl. You’d finished eating your onigiri shortly after Osamu left, and you two had been sitting at the same table sipping Calpico and watching the loading bar for the last 45 minutes.

“It’s really almost done now.” You were running out of excuses to stall for time.

“Hurry it up. I got things to do sweetheart”, he said and took a noisy sip of his drink.

Okay [y/n] we need to think of a way to stall. You went through your options. Hm. Actually, complimenting people usually works pretty well, especially when that person has as big of an ego as this blondie. Okay you decided on your plan of attack.

“Hey” You smiled innocently at Atsumu. “Thanks again for waiting with me. You’re a lot nicer than I thought”

“How many times do I hafta tell ya that that creepy smile isn’t fooling me?” Atsumu set his drink back on the table. “And was that supposta be a compliment? When did I ever do anythin’ to piss you off?” He leaned back, crossing his arms.

“Says the guy who crashed not one but two of my dates”

“I didn’t do nothin’”

“You were the reason the strawberry juice was on the table to begin with”

“I’m also the reason why you’re still here even though I could’ve kicked you out an hour ago.”

You couldn’t argue with that.

“Touche” You leaned forward. “How about we call a truce then.” You held out your hand.

He looked at your hand skeptically. “Truce? That implies we were fightin’ in the first place”

“You gonna take it or not?”, You smiled slyly and waved your hand. “Let me tell you now. I’m not someone you want as an enemy”

“Jeez that’s pretty scary sweetheart.” He leaned forward with his trademark cheeky grin…and was he blushing a bit? “Fine. Truce.” He reached out to shake your hand.

“I know the perfect way to celebrate” He said, rising from his seat. He walked behind the counter and rustled around in the fridge. You heard him mutter, “Where did ‘Samu put it”, as he continued digging around. “Aha. Here it is!”, he declared, finding whatever he was looking for. Atsumu walked back and plopped down in his seat, setting two cups of pudding on the table.

“Haha. Nice.” You picked up one of the pudding cups but noticed a little note stuck to it. “Huh. What’s this?” You pulled off the note to read it. Osamu’s pudding: DO NOT EAT. “Wait a second we can’t-“

Atsumu took the container out of your hands, broke the seal on the cover, and handed it back.

“Atsumu!”, you exclaimed.

“You’re welcome.” He opened his pudding cup and shoveled a spoonful in his mouth. “Mmm”

Well it’s not like you could put it back now that it was opened. You scooped a spoonful into your mouth. Your face lit up. Osamu’s pudding preferences were on point.

“I have a question”, Atsumu asked. “Why were ya tryin’ so hard on those dates anyways? Those guys were obviously trash, and ya don’t really seem like the type that’s desperate for romance.”

What he said wasn’t wrong, and you two were kind of having a moment here. You figured it’d be fine to tell him about it.

“Ugh the thing is” You gulped down another spoon of pudding. “I’m trying to prove something to my family”

“Huh?”

“They don’t think I’m capable of romance, and my shitty cousin loves to rub it in my face. I’m trying to find a guy so I can flex on them”

He smirked. “Hah, that’s real petty”

You pointed your spoon at him. “I don’t wanna hear that from you.”

“Fair point”

Your computer chimed. You both turned to look at the screen. 100% Loaded.

“Yes!” You pumped your fists.

“Finally” Atsumu sighed, scraping the last of his pudding out of the cup. “So, ya gonna help me clean?”

“A deals a deal. Where should I start?”, you said combing your hair out of your face.

“I’ll take the tables. You’re on dish duty”

Atsumu went into the supply closet and came back with a rag. You caught yourself staring as he pushed his sleeves up. Okay the man had beautiful forearms, so what? You quickly looked away.

“You okay [y/n]?”, Atsumu interrupted your thoughts, cocking his head. Shit. You hoped he hadn’t noticed your little slip-up.

“Uh yeah! I got the dishes!”

~

You’d emailed the final prototype and you two were almost done tidying up. The only thing left to do was mopping the floor.

“[Y/N], How about we have a lil challenge���

You raised an eyebrow.

Atsumu brought two mops out of the supply closet, tossing one to you. “I’ll race ya. Last one to mop to the other side loses”

This was stupid there was no way you were about to have a dumb mopping ra-

“Unless you’re too scared”

You gripped your weapon. “Hah, You’re on”

You both stood at one end of the restaurant. Mops in hand.

“Ready” Atsumu clenched his mop. “Go!”

You realized that challenging a pro-athlete to a fair race was stupid. That’s why you didn’t intend to play fair. As soon as Atsumu motioned to take his first step you swiped your dripping mop in front of his foot. He lost his balance.

“Fuck!”

“Haha Loser!”, you turned to laugh at him. Thwack!

Atsumu collided with you knocking you backward. You hit the ground with a thud, securely pinned under him. Shit. He hauled himself onto his hands and knees, looking down at you.

“You cheated!”, he shouted.

“That doesn’t give you the right to tackle me!”, you shot back.

“I wasn’t tryin’ to tackle you!”

“So what!”, you grabbed his collar pulling him back so your foreheads were touching. You both paused. Shit. Did you just do something weird?

You were suddenly very aware of the nice smell wafting off his hair. You gulped. There was a pink blush creeping over Atsumu’s nose. He looked dumbstruck at first but soon a cheeky grin spread across his face.

“Wow [y/n], you’re pretty bold huh.”

“Shut up!”

The chimes jingled and the door opened. You both jumped and turned to the sound.

“Oolala”, the girl who came with Osamu was snickering.

“…is that my pudding?”

~

After that, you’d both apologized to Osamu, properly mopped the floor. You were getting ready to go home now. Luckily neither of you had been seriously injured in your little incident, but any time your eyes met Atsumu would shoot you an infuriating smirk.

As you were about to leave, Atsumu called out to you. “Hey [y/n] I’m gonna need my sweater back soon”

“Oh right! I forgot it at my apartment but I washed it so I’ll bring it by tomorrow”

“Sounds good. Good night [y/n].” As he turned to walk away, he looked back over his shoulder and smiled at you. It was a sincere smile like the one he gave you as he handed you his sweater the other day. You couldn’t help but smile back. This guy.

Your phone buzzed as you started walking back toward your apartment. You pulled it out.

Jerk Cousin:

Family brunch two Sundays from now. Don’t forget you’re in charge of fruit. My mom told me to remind you. She also said to tell you that you can bring a plus one, not that you’d need it lol

~

Onigiri Miya. Friday 11:15 AM

You’d slept like a baby that night, and woke up more refreshed than ever. It was like your 24 hours of hell never happened. You pulled open the door to the restaurant.

“Hey Osamu is Atsumu here? I have the sweater I kept forgetting in my apartment” You rustled through your bag pulling the sweater out. Looking up, you suddenly noticed that the restaurant was more packed than usual, and most of the occupants were looking at you.

“Oya?”

“Oya oya?”

[blonde-toddy]

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 6

It has taken me a while to do this. But I write this shit down so....

I wonder if they got busy in that carriage.

Probably.

Ok Clyvedon! Y'all are definitely not in the square anymore.

Aww Mrs. Colson. You're so proper and ready to show off and he's just trying to break that back in.

Gahh that place.

Ok Simon, go off!

Aw we're really just diverting there.

You really don't want to know Hyacinth.

Eloise is not here for the shits.

Oh, Colin. You fucking idiot. The one time Violet and Anthony are in agreement.

Colin you happy, dumb boy.

Brothels though?

Colin has a point. He is older than Daphne.

To be fair Colin and Daphne are both getting okie doked.

You horny mfs. I love it.

"You are already Duchess of all this." Yes please.

Ooooh that flip and the way he patted at her hips. They are too good.

Aw Daphne is trying to be proper and Simon is like "fuck all that."

Your Graces.

Jeffries dgaf about this damn honeymoon.

Oh Daphne, she just wants to show you around without YOUR commentary.

Redecorating? Didn't she say she did a bunch of improvements?

"A perfect Duchess." Ok you shady bitch.

Yeah that nursery shit is coming back.

All dressed up and no where to go.

"You're so far away." He wants his WIFE!

They have no chill and the staff don't know how to react.

Mrs. Colson absolutely does not approve.

Girl he hates that place. Gut it!

This man and the way he takes off gloves. Good fucking gawd.

Their poor staff.

I swear I swear I swear that man man is living, breathing, dripping seduction.

Well shit take it outside then.

Queue the rain.

Yes. Remove the wet clothes. ALLUM!!!!!

He is the king of playin with it. And I fucking love it.

"Do you like this?" Fuck yes! Talk. To. Me.

I wonder how many orgasms this man has caused.

"Tell me what you want." Keep talking, yes.

And by "you" she meant that dick.

"Does that hurt?" No boo, it sure doesn't.

But your ignorance on the subject does. Him taking advantage of your ignorance also does.

I love love love Simon but I'm having a harder time with his evasion now that they're actively getting busy.

She's bound to figure it out though, right?

Ahh they're still hot af to me.

Oh shit they're still going.

That picnic. Omfg. Flippin that ass like.....

Head on a ladder?!?!?! Get you some Daphne. Oh sweet Simon....

Sex on a ladder too.

They're really like "fuck the staff." And the staff is like "haha, keep fuckin."

Don't go there Mrs. Colson....

Welp.

That shoe dropping. Gawd yes.

Daphne really went from knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to getting that Grade A like a beast.

Though Simon is obviously a withholder, the man is sexually attentive and attuned to her physical desires. He comes to please, indeed.

That tangle.

Ok, girl tell Rose your business.

I do love Rose. I want more of her.

"His physical inability to have children." Oh the sting of lies and ignorance.

"Difficult entanglement." Go head Rose.

Oh Colin, you fucked up lil buddy.

Hyacinth is a treasure.

I like that Violet does try to be supportive.

Penelope and her passive aggressive ass is saucy.

She's mad af.

The sisters do crack me up.

Penelope is dripping salt.

Oh Eloise. They really are putting you out there homie.

Awkward Marina.

Portia is mf hyped! She is all about that social climbing.

But she's gotta negotiate the bag before she pop tags on new Dresses.

Aw shit Marina caught Delacroix. Her French accent was a bit cartoonish.

Curious Eloise.

Oh children.

Oh poor oblivious Daphne. Simon, help your wife.

A fucking tie. Bitch they gotta kill them to eat them. Simon, again, help your wife. Tell your wife THINGS!

Y'all fucking dumb off all that sex and living in la la land apparently.

Well somebody liked his evil ass daddy.

Diplomatic Daphne.

Another sprinkle of kids....and pregnancy too.

I saw that longing look.

Aww she's worried he's hurt by being around children. If only you knew.

"I thought only of you." Really, mf?! As you keep up this lie.

She's so optimistic about her circumstances.

He's lucky he's beautiful. And that I pity him a bit. Because he's a motherfucker.

How did you get so lucky? Well you're lying to your wife and she doesn't know how sperm works sooooooo there's that.

What a beautiful expansive scene though.

Penelope is PISSED.

No belly yet.

Passive. Aggressive.

Oh this dinner is so awkward.

Portia you are not subtle at all.

Anthony is still CLEARLY not here for this engagement.

Oh is she about to snitch.

Well shit. She's kind of snitching.

Aww. He thinks your such a good friend, but hes got this.

You're sneaky and he's stupid.

Marina is hustling.

Eloping is always a grand idea. Colin you fucking dummy.

Marina is so relieved.

Aw where's Simon?

Sad Daphne is not a good look.

Grouchy workaholic Simon is not a good look either....but he does have a lot of responsibility in all fairness.

Mrs. Colson is so sick of Daphne.

Homegirl is just trying to find her footing. At least Rose stays supportive.

Have I said how much I love Rose?

Damn no one wants to talk to Daphne.

Aw she's befriended the pregnant lady with the screaming toddler.

I'm glad someone is finally explaining shit to Daphne. She can't grow if she don't know.

Too busy for his wife now......I'm not liking this vibe.

Aw she's trying to hash it out with Mrs. Colson.

Oooh she's looking for guidance about Simon.

He really hasn't told her shit about his life.

The power dynamic of their relationship is frustrating.

All this talk of being barren.....

She misses Simon's mama.

Strong seed got her thinking!

Penelope you sneaky, lying ass....what are you up to?

She has hope yet again. She about to expose her mother.

She ain't giving up.

Marina is damned and determined to marry Colin.

Oh Marina went there THERE.

You're gonna see your wife, Your Fucking Grace.

Stressy Simon is such a grouch.....but I'm not judging. I'm the same way.

But when they're affectionate, fuck.

He really just tossed her up on that desk like "Fuck work."

And he proceeded to fuckin work that mf thang.

How many people in the world are fucking like crazy right now because their significant others stay turned on by this show.

If I were not single, I would most definitely be pouncing on my partner ALL. THE. TIME.

Ok. Back to the show.

That was a mighty aggressive pull-out.

Relatable Simon. I too like foods after fucks.

Oh shit Daphne connecting the dots.

Rose out here saving the day like usual.

Well at least Daphne knows where babies come from now.

Everything is about to shatter, amrite?

She can't even hear a word he says. She feels so betrayed.

The piglet.

Dat ass though. And those shoulders.

Yeah that's gonna be a no tonight.

Oooh and now he wakes up without her.

She's fucking heartbroken.

The man she loves took away her choice with his deceit.

He allowed her to believe he was unable, not unwilling.

Would she have married him if he told the truth?

He was ready to die about the shit and still lied though.

All he ever had to do was tell her the whole fucking truth.

Everything this WOMAN knows about love and sex, she's learned from this man (and the real MVP Rose). He has literally taught her everything from the start of her sexual awakening. He knows better than anyone how ignorant she is regarding literally ANYTHING sexual in nature. I know he's insanely damaged, but this fucking hurts.

It's a unique feeling of unease and helplessness when you feel or realize you don't have agency over your own body.

An absence of the option to consent if you will.

I know this is a show, and I suppose it's doing its job because it's getting me deep into my thoughts and feelings. And I sure as a mf ENJOY THE FUCK out of watching them literally breathe in the same room with each other....among the many other things they do onscreen together. I guess I'm just heartbroken too. Shit. Plus y'all know I love tf out of my girl Daphne.

Ok back to the show again. This episode is fucking with my emotions.

Daphne is stewing!

But fuck if this isn't romantic as a mf.

These 2 fuck me up every time!

JPOLND - The End. That's this song. And this song is perfect.

Yes y'all! Rip them clothes off.

Daphne looks wild as hell. Carnal. She has a carnal look about her.

Ok bitch. Climb that mf tree then!

Is she anger-fucking him?!

Either way, he's loving it!!!

This song really is perfect.

Oh shit she's not letting up.

Fuck.

This shoe dropping?! Gawd NO!

She was literally like you took my choice so I took yours.

These fucking two.

He's hot with it for good reason for sure, but she is going in!

How the fuck could you think she knew how this worked when she didn't know what masturbation, let alone sex was until you got a hold of her?

YOU. PLAYED. ON. HER. IGNORANCE.

Maybe this conversation should have been had before y'all got naked.

They're both right in their own ways.

But they are absofuckinglutely wrong in so many of their own ways too.

He didn't ask for her pity and she didn't ask for his betrayal.

They are tearing me apart right now!

Big Sean said it best. "I guess drama makes for the best content."

I'm still rooting for them. I love growth and we still got 2 episodes left. They can't stay stuck like this, I'm sure.

Oh hey Whistledown.

Aww go to your friend.

Wtf is going on?

Are they all trying to kill me?

Aw fuck. Marina has been blasted by Whistledown. It's over.

Pure little Colin.

Oh Simon is heartbroken and Daphne.......she's desperate for a baby.

"Can the ends ever justify such wretched means?" That's a great question Whistledown. I'll have to get back to you on that.

I will close this with happiness because I refuse to accept this heartbreak.

[sagittariuswritings]

Jolly Ranchers

Summary: Taking place in season 6, Sam, Dean, and Y/n are onto Castiel and Crowley about their little conspiring together. Y/n is close to digging up some secrets, and Crowley catches wind of this from Castiel. In order to stop her, he sends his four best hellhounds after her and her only, ordered to only hurt the boys if they get in the way. Y/n gets lost in a panic attack, as memories from being dragged to Hell years ago get brought to the surface. 

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Warnings: Soft Dean, detailed panic attack, mentions of gore, yelling, language.

Word count:1,073

A/N: This a little drabble, and it’s kinda an au, I just wanted a reason to include hellhounds lmao.

A soft howling was what first set Y/n off. As soon as she’d heard the faint sound, she jerked up from her nap, tense as ever. She was frozen as she stared out the window, her mind racing with what she swore she had heard. Her chest rose and fell slowly as she tried to silent herself so she could try and hear more from outside. But Sam was doing research with his brother in the corner of the room at the abandoned house they were holed up in, his fingers clacking across the keyboard constantly.

“Sam, shut up!” Y/n harshly yelled at Sam. 

Sam looked up from his laptop screen, confusion written across his face as his eyebrows scrunched together. “I didn’t… say anything…??” His voice was soft and confused as hell, his clacking stopping as soon as her voice raised.

Meanwhile, Dean almost choked in mid sip on his beer at hearing Y/n’s sudden yell. He managed to swallow what he almost choked on, his face scrunching up as he tried to not cough on it. He looked at her, his eyes glinting both impression and confusion. He was impressed she actually got onto Sam. She never once yelled at either of them, maybe a few times in their life, but that was out of frustration. But even then, she was a quiet girl. She never really talked much in the back seat of his Impala. She’d always have earbuds in if they weren’t talking, blocking out the real world. It wasn’t that she disliked Dean’s choice of music, or Sam and Dean’s little bickering, or even the calming low hum of the vehicle. It was that she liked to be in her own world from time to time. Being on the road with the Winchesters almost every day of her life was tiring. She often needed alone time. And a room to herself wasn’t always a big help to her independence.

So, being the quiet girl of the trio, Sam and Dean were shocked to say the least when she yelled at the youngest Winchester.

“Your fucking typing- Stop it!!” She yelled at him, now getting up from the cot she was laying on. She made her way over to a dusty window, her eyes squinted as she looked outside. “You’re really telling me you didn’t hear that?” She quietly asked the boys, looking over her shoulder at them.

Sam and Dean shared a look for a moment before looking back at her. “No” They said in sync, both standing in sync too. If Y/n didn’t know any better, and if they weren’t four years apart, she’d think they were twins.

“I-” Before she could even get one word out, a howl cut her off. Closer this time. And all three of them heard it. “Son of a bitch” She whispered, staring out the window, frozen in place.

“I’ll get the goofer dust” Sam immediately mumbled, running out of the house, frantically opening up the trunk to grab what little dust they had left.

Meanwhile, Y/n stepped back away from the window, a ripple of fear being sent throughout her entire body. Her sides ached at the memories: Her flesh being ripped open by invisible claws, the warm sticky liquid flowing out from the wounds and onto the once clean carpet, Dean’s screams and her own blending together, Lilith’s never-ending evil laughter, the hellhounds growling, the salty tears streaming down her cheeks, the taste of her own tears-

“Y/n!!” Her name being shouted made her come back to reality. Her cheeks felt wet, and her knees felt like they were about to buckle beneath her. But strong hands on her sides kept her from falling. She looked at Dean, her chest rising and falling much quicker than it had when she’d heard the first howl. “You’re here, with me, safe with me, you’re okay” He calmly spoke to her, looking her in the eye. Though, she was looking everywhere but his eyes.

Sam busted through the door, making Y/n nearly jump out of her skin, her hands flying to Dean’s shoulders as a gasp ripped past her lips. She dove her face into Dean’s chest, not wanting to know what had just busted through the door. “Hey hey, it’s okay, it’s just Sam” Dean’s voice softly rang through her ears, giving her courage to look around. Her eyes met Sam’s for just a moment before he started a circle of goofer dust around the three of them.

The barking started. It was loud. At least it was for Y/n. It was as if it was the only thing she heard. Her eyes widened at the sound. Her chest heaved for air but she felt like she just couldn’t breathe. It felt like an invisible force cut off her air, and she was fighting for air. She couldn’t hear her name being called, it was just a muffled voice in the corner of her mind. Her vision was blurred, and she couldn’t blink. She was just frozen. She only felt her heart slamming against her rib cage and her lungs fighting for air.

Dean came into her sight only for a moment before she felt something warm on her lips. It was soft, and… comforting. She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling safe for just a second. Her hot tears trickled down her rosy cheeks. She didn’t even notice anything in the room until the warmth left her lips, and all she saw was Dean. She didn’t hear Sam arguing with Crowley, she didn’t hear the growling hellhounds, she only saw Dean. His emerald green eyes that reminded her of the green apple jolly ranchers she would steal from Dean every Halloween. They were sweet. Only difference was they were soft, not hard. His green apple eyes that looked into hers were soft as they could ever be. She’d never seen them so soft in her life.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart, I’m not letting anyone harm a hair on your beautiful head, okay? Focus on me, and only me.” His voice was soft, and it filled her ears. The bickering between Sam and Crowley was muffled.

Before she could utter a word, the slow clapping of the ever-so-joyful Crowley sounded through the air, making her come back to what was going on around them. Her panic was gone though. She was safe in the eldest Winchester’s arms. “And… scene” Crowley grinned.

[monsieur-hadrien]

Quarantine Harry Potter Fanfiction *READING LIST*

I’ve spent the past months reading copious amounts of fanfiction and now my amount of AO3 bookmarks is absurd. I really need to share these because if I don’t I think I might implode. Drarry-centric but not all!

These are in no particular order nor is there a particular time frame that these were all posted. I have a little bit of everything in here just you wait.

On Punching Gods and Absentee Dads by Enigmaris 

56 Chapters, 247k Words, Complete, no slash, T Rating

Marvel, Norse Mythology, Harry Potter Crossover

TW: Past Abandonment

Harry finds out that his dad is alive, has been the whole time. Instead of being overjoyed, Harry's disgusted. His dad left earth and abandoned his friends. Every painful thing he's ever gone through can be traced back to one man. Now Harry's got super strength he can't control and an almost unnecessary amount of magical power. His dad might be living it up with the Avengers now but not for long. With the help of his friends, Harry comes up with a plan for revenge. Get ready Avengers, Harry's out to punch a god.

We’re starting off strong with a Marvel crossover fanfic wow. Who knew that crossovers could be done tastefully as 2013 Wattpad kind of ruined it for us. However, this fic changed my mind! This fic is funny as fuck and is just a goodass time. I love a good multi-chapter fic (as you’ll soon see) and this one is a showstopper.

The Man Who Lived by sebastianL

42 Chapters, 254k Words, Complete, Draco/Harry, E Rating

TW: Major Character Death, Graphic Deptictions of Violence

Draco breaks a cup, and one thing leads to another. A story of redemption, tattoos, dreams, mistakes, green eyes, long conversations, and copious amounts of coffee.

With all of the Black Lives Matter protests happening right now, I think that this fic is super relevant. Draco has moved to New York City and is working as a receptionist at a tattoo shop and a mentor for inner city kids, but he accidentally gets forced to work out his differences with Harry, who at this point hates his guts. This fic is pretty serious, tackling themes of mental health, suicide, and police brutality. Every OC in this story is completely lovable and I cried my eyes out many times. When people ask me for a fic reccomendation this is the one I give people. Dare I say that this is my all-time favorite fic.

Warm Bodies by Betty_Hazel

Work in Progress, 37 Chapters as of 6/12/2020, 108k Words, Draco/Harry, E Rating

TW: D/s Dynamics, Graphic Porn, Dubious Relationship with Food

Draco Malfoy has spent his whole life wanting to go down on his knees for other men, and that's by far the least of the depraved things he fantasises about. He's wanted it all for so long that he's stopped believing that there might be someone out there who might be able to give it all to him; it comes as something of a surprise to find that maybe Harry Potter can, and that maybe Harry's looking for something too.

ALRIGHT MY PORN LOVERS THIS ONE IS FOR YOU! Don’t lie I know you’re horny. Somehow this fic is so fucking gorgeous and sweet yet so sinfully hot. It’s literally two boys who have never felt like their emotional needs have been satisfied learning to help and love each other like how much more wholesome does it get. I mean it’s all fine and wholesome until you get to the kinky sex which is WONDERFULLY WRITTEN MIGHT I ADD! I always say that if porn can make you feel something other than just horny, you’ve found a winner, and this story does just that.

Definitely check all the tags and I mean all the tags before you read this, but this is definitely one of my favorite porn with plot stories.

Running On Air by eleventy7

17 Chapters, 75k Words, Complete, Draco/Harry, T Rating

TW: No Archive Warnings

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects. 

Might I just say that classics are considered classics for a reason. This is one of those stories that has the vibe of high school summer after senior year where all you do is try to escape reality and figure out your place in the world. While the plot is wonderful and the characters are great, I think what shines the brightest from this story is the writing style. It’s so enchanting and poetic with the best one-liners that make your heart hurt. On my AO3 bookmark i captioned it, “This just ripped my soul in half and restitched it together again,” and I still stand by that.

Lokison (Series) and How To Train Your Godling (Series) by sifsshadowheart

Main Story (Lokison): 33 Chapters, 244k Words, Completed, Harry/Various Characters, E Rating

14 Spinoffs/ Sequel Stories, Completed, Harry/Various, Various Ratings

Norse Mythology, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Various Fandoms Crossover

TW: Major Character Death, Graphic Violence, Underage Sex, Spiralling Mental Health

James and Lily Potter had a secret, one which led to Thanatos saving young Harry from a dreary life with the Dursleys and changed the face of the Second British Wizarding War before it ever began.

This story feels much more like a 12 season television show than a two hour movie if you know what I mean. The plot is pretty slow going but the character development and interation makes it worth it. The story blends the lore and events of the HP and PJO to make a completely new story without making it feel like a goddamn recap. The reader follows Harry from when he’s young all the way into adulthood and it’s a fun time to watch him grow as a character and bond with his parental figures. Also some of the spinoffs are really wild and I never would have thought of the pairings but they just work somehow?? My personal favorite spinoff is the Pirates of Caribbean/Calypso and Leo arc like HELLO?! hot pirates. The total word count of the two series is 465k so beware it takes a hot second to chug through this one.

This Worship of an Extinct Fire by Lomonaaeren

Oneshot, 30k Words, Draco/Harry, M Rating

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Deppression

Unspeakable Draco Malfoy has planned for nearly six months how to take down Thomas Linwood, a man who has discovered the secret of converting wizard bodies to pure magic. He was prepared for anything--except the discovery of the missing Harry Potter in Linwood's compound.

This one, I don’t know how it’s not considered a classic. I’ve seen it floating around on drarry tumblr and wow is it good. I especially like the detailed magic system and mechanics that Draco is investigating. How the author managed to have so much detailed and gracefully planned out backstory in 30k words is beyond me. Also gentle Dracoo Malfoy is my favorite Draco Malfoy :) absolute angel mode.

Little Compton Street (One Rainy Night in Soho) by LLAP15 and Writcraft

Oneshot, 66k Words, Draco/Harry, Past Sirius/James, E Rating

TW: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light D/s Dynamics, References to Cancer, References to HIV/AIDS

Draco is lonely, Harry hates the press and it won’t stop raining in London. Harry discovers a magical street that’s close to disappearing forever and Draco realises he’s one rainy night in Soho away from finding everything he’s been searching for.

This fic is, in every sense, a masterpiece. Especially for pride month, the story surrounding LGBTQIA+ activism, the AIDS Epidemic of the 80s, and the gentrification of historically queer communities is one that should be read by everyone. Every single place, OC, and historic event has real world ties and is historically accurate, making this fic even more enchanting. Everything about this fic is graceful and slow burning I can’t help but fall in love with it. I’ve only seen this fic once on HP tumblr, but I feel like it should be considered a classic as it is truly a moving piece. This fic is one of the biggest reasons why I became so enthralled with LGBT history and am writing a fic that takes place in a wizarding version of the AIDS epidemic.

Sensitive Touch by Raserwolf

45 Chapters, 194k Words, Complete, Draco/Harry, E Rating

TW: Racism and Racial Slurs, Homophobic Slurs, Ablism and Ablist Slurs, Rape and Sexual Assault, Sensory Overloads and Mental Breakdowns, Extreme Bullying and Hate Crime, Past Abuse, Anxiety Disorders, PTSD wow this is a long list

When Draco Malfoy encounters a struggling and frustrated Harry desperately trying to tie his shoes after a meltdown in the Great Hall, his curiosity regarding the incident leads him to seek the help of the two people closest to Harry: Ron and Hermione.

After even they are shocked to hear the extent of Harry's issues, though Hermione had her suspicions, he discovers more about the man than he ever thought he knew before.

As a Neurotypical, I found this fic to be absolutely wonderful. I don’t know much about the typical traits of those who are one the autism spectrum and how they affect their everyday lives, but from what I was reading in the comments from those who are on the spectrum or who have family who are, this fic was pretty accurate and realistic. Harry, who lives with aspergers, goes without a known diagnosis until 8th year and it’s just heightened by his PTSD and anxiety and ugh I just want to hug the boy. The story follows Harry and Draco and the rest of the 8th year gang through the year and has multiple arcs in which the wizarding world are just dumbass bitches who can’t fucking seem to accept people for who they are. Not only is Harry on the spectrum but he’s also Desi with a purpose and not just mentioned and forgotten which is wonderful. The boys go through a lot of trauma in the story but there’s also a lot of teeth-rotting fluff that I live for. This is one of the fics that I have read and reread because I love it so much.

This definitely is not my full list I have a ton more stories in my bookmarks if you are curious. I’ll probably post a part two to this just cause I have so much and read so often. These, however, are definitely the biggest highlights.

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @queentheea  (she/her)

what are you working on right now? I’m currently keeping my DM’s etc open for fics for the Bellarke for BLM initiative which is an absolutely wonderful cause with a bunch of amazing writers on board! I’d encourage anyone with a little extra money who has been thinking about getting a prompt written by one of the amazing people in this fandom to submit to this cause!

what’s something you’d like to write one day? Man, I just put out a post on tumblr seeing if anyone would be interested in reading a World Traveller!Clarke and Local! Bellamy fic that I can’t stop thinking about, I’m hoping to write that this summer! It would definitely be the longest work that I’ve ever written so I’m still trying to find the energy to actually sit down and commit to it because I’d want to do the idea justice

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of?  Hmm, I’m just getting back into writing fic and I don’t think I can really be proud of something I wrote when I was a teenager, so I’d probably have to say I realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, which is a Bellarke modern AU ex’s fic that I wrote for Bellarke Bingo. The title comes from Jon Bellion’s song Woke the F*ck Up, which is amazing if you’ve never heard it. I’ve been thinking about extending that one for a while now since (spoiler) the ending was left so open, so if anyone wanted to request a part 2 for Bellarke for BLM I’d be more than willing hehe.

why did you first start writing fic?  It’s been so long now I can’t quite remember, but I probably started writing fic because the shows I was watching at the time ended/were cancelled and the endings were unsatisfactory for me. I’ve honestly deleted pretty much all of my early fics because I was 14 when I started writing them and they were embarrassingly bad.

what frustrates you most about fic writing?  Probably the feeling that everything has been done before. It’s honestly my biggest frustration with writing in general. I feel like I don’t have unique enough ideas, and everything has been done at this point. Unless I’m hit with a brilliant idea at random, I really rely on prompts to actually be able to write something in order to make sure I’m actually writing something people want to read, if that makes sense? 

what are your top five songs right now?  This is a really hard question because I LOVE music and I’m always listening to it and every song is my favourite song, but my faves right now are probably Cool by Dua Lipa, 3 AM by HAIM, Park Bench by Valley and Spinning by Mark Ronson and Ilsey (which I’ve been trying to tell everyone is a GREAT Bellarke song, so check it out).

what are your inspirations? RE: the above question, I love music so it’s definitely a huge influence when it comes to fic writing. I don’t necessarily put in a specific playlist but I’ll listen to whatever I’m loving in the moment and if there’s something in the lyrical content, etc. of the music I’m listening to at that moment in time I’ll definitely let it inspire my writing. I definitely want to push myself to incorporate more themes in the songs that “speak to me” so to say in my writing.

what first attracted you to Bellarke? I mean at first I saw them both on my tumblr dash in passing and the bisexual in me thought “that is a good looking pair. Must watch show”, but it wasn’t until a friend and I watched the show a while later that I actually was like huh. There’s something with these two. To be fair, like I’m sure most, I didn’t really like Bellamy at first because it was season one and he was a dick, but I grew to love their relationship as it developed through to mid-season 2 (which was airing when I first started watching the show) and was pretty much a goner after that. 

what attracts you now?  Man, I love everything about their dynamic now. The open trust, the ability to be two sides of the same coin despite the distance. I didn’t realize this was an unpopular opinion until recently but I actually loved season 6. Bellamy was the ONLY one to pick up on the fact that Clarke wasn’t Clarke, despite having known her just as long as the others, despite Madi having spent those 6 years with her. The idea of having a person that knows you on that deep of a level and actually cares enough to pay attention to the small details is so attractive to me and just *chef’s kiss.

Besides Bellarke, what character or pairing do you like best on t100?  I loved Linctavia (and just Lincoln in general, RIP), Memori, Marper. Anyone Miller has been shipped with. Murven (Raven is hands down the show’s most shippable character). I really liked her and Wick even though they had super short lived development because his actor ended up being a douche oops.

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm?  Honestly, just because it’s such a great reason to write fic and I felt like I wasn’t doing enough to support the movement. People are so fake on social media these days. Everyone shares that post to their story and doesn’t actually follow through with actions that cause lasting impact and I really didn’t want BLM to be a passing trend and I wanted to do what I could to help behind the scenes without being a performative activist.

what’s your writing process like (esp for prompts, chopped!, etc)?My writing process is a little all over the place honestly. Sometimes I can bang something out in a couple of hours, sometimes it takes days to figure out where I want to take something. There’s a meme or something going around about writers having the beginning and the ending of their fics all planned out but the middle isn’t even a spec in the universe and that’s honestly so true for me. I know how I want to start something and I know where I want to take it but I never know what to put in the inbetween. I love prompts that are more specific because it helps me fill in that middle piece! 

what are some things you’d like to recommend? Mentioned this above, but definitely listen to Spinning by Mark Ronson and Ilsey! Fic wise, the first recommendation that comes to mind is Bury a Friend, Try to Wake Up by @talistheintrovert / theinvisibledisaster on AO3 because it’s one of my fave fics I’ve read in a while and the first one to come to mind hehe. Season 6 AU for all of you canon divergence fans.

The best place to find @queentheea is right here on Tumblr. You can also find her on AO3 here. Request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm.

[takaraphoenix]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 6

1. Favorite character of this season?

I absolutely love how they dedicated this season to Buffy's issues. She died. And was ripped out of heaven. She lost her mom and was suddenly forced into being the adult in the house. It's so much and she gets to break about it. Yes, she hurts the people around her, but honestly... it kind of figures? How is one supposed to adjust to what she is trying to adjust to? But over the season, the wake-up calls she gets – the asylum episode, Dawn's stealing, Willow's addiction and then the grand finale that makes her realize she wants to be in this world – it's so great, because it goes... slowly.

My biggest issue with most modern TV is that it's basically torture porn. The main character is put through impossibly traumatizing ordeals but is never even given the chance to cope, to try and deal with it. The issues are never addressed, only glossed over because actually dealing with them would require care and good writing and take time away from all the other drama going on! So characters are only traumatized for shock-value and then are immediately over it, even though it's unrealistic.

This season is a season of trauma. A season of bad coping mechanism, of pushing people away but still seeking someone where she can feel safe – Spike. She slowly has to relearn to open up and let them in, she has to learn to want to live again. And it's hard. And the show doesn't shy away from it, it doesn't shy away from her making the wrong choices, because... there is no one right choice that is obvious when dealing with the trauma she has faced.

2. Outstanding minor character (positive or negative)?

Negative. Jonathan. I just... I really truly hate that Jonathan is in the trio. Of all people, Jonathan. The one who gave Buffy her class-protector award with that heart-warming speech. Buffy was the one person who saved him, personally, when he wanted to commit suicide. Even after the Jonathan Superstar episode, Buffy was gentle and understanding with him. It just... for him, to turn supervillain like that was incredibly disappointing for me.

3. Favorite character dynamic?

I genuinely love the Tara-Dawn dynamic. Tara and Willow raised her for months while Buffy was dead. But the Giles-Anya dynamic is also so great – I'm very soft for the way Anya points out her hair is blonde in the finale like “Buffy is getting hugs for short hair. I too would like a hug”.

4. Favorite canon romantic ship?

Buffy and Spike... in the first half of the season. The way she found him to open up to, he was the only one she voluntarily told about having been in heaven. She finds a connection to him. The way he loves her – that he stayed, for months, even though she was dead, because he had promised her to take care of Dawn and he didn't just do that, he helped the Scoobies protect Sunnydale. He had no reason to and it still... it bothers me so much that everyone continuously belittles Spike's love for Buffy like it's not there. If he was only lusting after her, he would have ditched town after her death, he wouldn't have helped defend Sunnydale and take care of Dawn.

5. Least favorite canon romantic ship?

I'm having flashbacks here but it's a tie and it's because of shit decisions Xander and Willow made.

It's strange, I want to love Willow and – as a friend – she is a great character, but she's just... a shitty partner? She cheated on Oz for weeks or months with Xander and now she used magic to play with Tara's mind. That is so... violating and disturbing and that, after Tara found out and confronted her about it and pointed out how incredibly wrong that was, even more so with Tara's past, Willow just went and immediately did it again. And this isn't something you can blame the addiction for; this was just “I don't want my girlfriend mad at me so I'll erase her memories”. It's... just so bad.

The other being Xander and Anya, even though I love Xander and Anya together, but... the entire season was a steady build-up to “Xander REALLY doesn't wanna get married”, literally from the first episode on. He tried to hide the engagement as long as possible. Then he just... makes these disturbed faces every time someone brings up the married life. They had a whole sing and dance number about their doubts. It's just so very evidently clear that he doesn't want to get married, but he takes until the wedding itself to realize and just... leaves Anya at the altar and then thinks he can get her back? Genuinely thinks they could just go back to being in a relationship? But after leaving her at the altar acting like she owes him something – when he watches her and Spike have sex?

Sometimes, it feels like Xander and Willow really live to sabotage their own happiness.

6. Favorite episode?

Once More With Feeling – it's just one of the most outstanding episodes, really! The songs are so brilliant, the emotional arcs this episode for everyone – from the Spuffy to the per-marital issues between Anya and Xander to Tara and Giles' doubts. It's really brilliant. Many shows after have tried to make a musical episode happen and, with luck, they're fun or comic-relief, but... none have lived up to the standard set by this one.

7. Least favorite episode?

Oh, that's an easy one. 6x19 Seeing Red, where they made... Spike, at this point honestly, completely OoC by having him try to rape Buffy. That will never come off as anything but OoC, not after all that has happened between them. Yes, they are violent with each other – but that's a mutual thing, they hurt each other. This was... terrifying to watch as a teen and it hasn't stopped being upsetting and disturbing. And then they top the episode off with Tara being fridged.

I know fridging is technically the act of killing a female character for the sake of a male character's suffering, but... it's gay fridging? It's not even entirely a Bury Your Gay; Tara dies specifically for the pain and suffering of her lover. After everything Tara's been through in life and after everything Willow has put her through this season, they barely just rekindled... and she gets killed off.

8. Favorite Monster Of The Week?

Aesthetically and what he brought to the show? Sweet from Once More, With Feeling.

But I think that Stewart from Hell's Bells also really stood out. The fact that Anya's past came back to haunt her – because she was a demon for a century and she tortured people for a living. She doesn't even remember this guy whose life she ruined and he comes in to ruin her wedding. And in the end... he wasn't even the one to ruin it, the viewer gets one last moment of hope when it's revealed this was a fake-out, that he was not “Xander from the future” but a vengeful demon... but even without Stewart, the wedding didn't happen.

9. Least favorite Monster Of The Week?

Not too many monsters of the week going on, really. Probably Wig Lady from 6x12 Doublemeat Palace, because all the implications of cannibalism in that episode were really very disturbing.

10. Rate the overarching villain!

Brilliant. 10/10. Holds up so well.

Seriously, there is this... frustrating part where Xander's character just does not hold up at all because of the casual sexism and gross over-sexualization of his female friends. Which figures, because that's how a Nice Nerdy Guy was defined in the 90s (and, if you look at modern TV aimed at nerdy guys like The Big Bang Theory, still is). It's just a trope from TV and movies that for some reason really worked back then but nowadays when we look at sexism and the behavior of men toward women with different eyes, it is really appalling and upsetting.

In the case of the nerd trio, this worked out really well for the show, because it only makes them even more effective villains. They are ridiculous losers, total nerds who think they are owed womens' attention. Their schemes are literally straight out of comics but for the dumbest purposes – they make an invisibility ray so they can go into a women's only spa to spy on naked ladies. They create mind-control devices but for the purpose of enslaving women into their sex-puppets.

It is so gross, so ridiculous and inexplicably still somehow funny, because it's straight out of comics. Freeze-rays? Invisibility-rays? Self-destructing lairs? Jet-packs? It is not out of this world, this isn't how Buffy the Vampire Slayer operates, this is a show about monsters and demons and they're turning it into a whacky scifi show and it works.

Then there's the fact that they're just... three dumb losers? I mean, last season, Buffy literally slayed a god. Shows like to escalate. The Big Bads become bigger and badder each season, but... where do you go after you killed a god? Instead of trying to immediately one-up the villain factor, they did something incredibly brilliant. They took all the steps back.

The villains aren't the focus of this season. The focus of this season is what I answered in the first part of this post. Buffy's mental health and readjustment. You can't only focus on that though, you do need a villain and for that, an overarching villain of some loser nerd bois who fail the majority of time are perfect. They're nuisances that make Buffy's life marginally harder at times, but they're not an overall, serious, actual threat that may end the world.

And still they... got Tara killed. In such a... human manner. An angry man-child who hates women comes in with a gun and shoots her. And there's nothing the demon-slaying good guys can do about it. The bullet hits – not the target it was intended for – and takes an innocent life. Just like that, Warren manages what the hellish bad guys from previous seasons hadn't managed; he kills a Scoobie. Angelus killed Jenny, Drusilla killed Kendra, those were the only major deaths at the hands of villains that we had on this show so far and both were minor characters.

Bonus: Other thoughts?

Dawn was so draining this season; she got better in the last quarter of the season but the majority of it... The stealing, the behavior, the blaming Buffy for absolutely everything – Willow got addicted to magic, it's Buffy's fault, they have no money and Buffy has to go and work to earn money and it's Buffy's fault that she's not home, Buffy died to save Dawn and somehow it's Buffy's fault too because she left Dawn. Just... how can you possibly be this self-centered...? It's so exhausting, even more so in the season that has Buffy suffering the most and instead of being a supportive, helpful sister, Dawn acts like she's the victim of everything...

And I understand, Dawn has been through a lot too – losing her mother, losing Buffy, learning she isn't human but just a mass of energy – but there is a difference between suffering yourself and placing all the blame on other people and pretending that the world is against you, instead of tackling your own issues and problems yourself? And stealing from your friends, at that.

And no, being fifteen isn't an excuse for not seeing beyond yourself. Fifteen year olds are sure old enough to be self-aware... This “fifteen year olds only see themselves and only care about their own suffering and everybody else is to be blamed for how shit their life is” is just... another cringey Teen Girl Trope. Seriously, why did they just cram every single bad trope into this character...

[sometimesrosy]

b/e still together at this point is laughable, we have just 1 season left, how can bellarke be together when b/e is still a thing, if jason make them endgame, is gonna be the biggest mistake ever after game of thrones ending,tell me what's the point? we know where bellamy heart is, so why keep draging this, make bellarke a thing already man, is gonna be the last season, people been waiting for that to happen years, and now we are just gonna have a couple of episodes of them as couple.

Okay, so this is an old ask and i’ve been holding it FOREVER. Today I have the brain power to tackle it, and there’s a reason why I kept it, instead of deleting it as a pointless anti, myopic view point. It was now asked so long ago that I’m hoping the anon doesn’t get pissed off when I rip it apart and break it down to its pieces. So let’s go.

These kind of questions frustrate me, because they are ALMOST there. The question here is, “We know where Bellamy’s heart is, so why keep dragging this?”

That is a valid question. And by “valid” I mean that by answering the question, you can gain a better understanding of the story.

But instead of attempting to answer it, or asking more questions related to it to help you think more, the anon jumps to an unsubstantiated conclusion and then goes on a tirade. The conclusions she makes, that it is laughable, b/e is endgame and/or there will only be a couple of episodes of bellarke, None of those conclusions follow in answer to the question or the canon. What they follow is the fear that the anon won’t get what they want.

So instead of answering the fear, I’m answering the question.

WHY when we know where Bellamy’s heart is, does the story keep dragging this?

First off, it’s not a joke. It’s a story. Delaying the resolution is a sign that Bellamy achieving his hearts desire (Clarke) is actually The Story. A story is about the main character (aka hero aka protagonist,) overcoming their obstacles, learning and growing, and then, achieving their goals. Not only is it The Story, but it’s also a romantic story. In a romance, the goal is to get the heroes together, if that happens too soon, something needs to happen to break them apart, so they can find each other again. But once a couple reaches their goal of getting together, then the story is over. WHY haven’t Bellarke gotten together? Because when they do, the heart of the story is done. When JR said, “The 100 is ending in s7″ I said HURRAH because that is a sign that they are ready to tell the end of the story. Which is... what now? Say it with me, BELLARKE, THE EPIC LOVE STORY.

This isn’t fanfiction, that can ignore storytelling or narrative rules, or all the other narrative threads, or the focus on character development, in order to fulfill the readers’ narrative desires. In order to make a good story, they have to keep telling ALL the stories that they’ve laid out before us. And that includes b/e (which is still working,) echo’s character arc (still working,) Octavia (a story which is near done,) the Blakes reunion (which we did,) and the strange interweaving of the head, the heart and the soul that is Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia (which may not be over until the end.) We also have to work through Bellamy’s self loathing (which we did,) Bellamy’s hero’s journey, (which we did,) Bellamy’s anger at Clarke leaving him to die (which we did,) ALSO Clarke’s suicidal tendencies (which we did,) Clarke’s feeling that love was a weakness (which we did,) Clarke’s isolation (which we did,) Clarke’s feelings of betrayal that Bellamy moved on (which we did,) Clarke’s separation from her people (which we did.) ALSO, and this one might be the most important one and the answer to the original question.

The story kept dragging out because season 6 was the season that BELLAMY realized where his heart was. Maybe WE knew all along, but this was something he was resisting. He said he didn’t NEED her, but he realized over the course of Season 6 that he needed her more than ANYTHING. You see?

Clarke is his weakness and his strength. She’s his vulnerability. And he had his walls up against that because he lost her for six years and the whole time, she was still with him and still his weakness and his vulnerability and when she came back, she pushed him away, and away, and when he thought he was getting her back, she left him to die. At the end of season 5, he found out she DID care for him, and that changed things for him, but then...she called him family and went with Cillian. She has now told him she needed/wanted him THREE times and THREE times immediately turned to someone else. Lxa, Niylah, Cillian. Granted, he turned her down twice and had a girlfriend the third. But Bellamy thinks she doesn’t love him, ever since she said she couldn’t lose him and then sent him to die because it was worth the risk. Because he didn’t understand that it meant she loved him and love was a weakness. 

And I’ll tell you. THAT story hasn’t been finished yet. We had mutual pining in s4-5-6. But neither of them have told their feelings to each other. No I take that back. Clarke has told him, but he has misunderstood every time, I think because he doesn’t believe her and think it means something else, especially since she hooks up with someone else after she says it. And she takes all those misunderstandings of Bellamy’s as a rejection, and is sure he doesn’t feel the same about her. Season 2. Season 3. Season 4. Season 5. Season 6. We’ve seen this story happening. She thinks of love as a weakness and so puts up walls to him and turns to other people. HE thinks that means she doesn’t love him. We’re finally getting to the point that they’re ready to admit their feelings. He said he needed her. I NEED YOU. 

So. Like. The reason why they’re dragging the Bellarke story out is because there is so much to TELL. There are all these supporting storylines that are building Clarke and Bellamy individually, making them stronger and more whole, healing them, making them HEROES. These individual stories are making them worthy of each other. And proving to us that their love is so strong, so epic, so central to the characters and the story, that it not only persists in the face of time, death and space, but also in the face of rival ships. No love on this show surpasses the love of Clarke and Bellamy, not even the parent/child or sibling love. HOWEVER, the Bellarke love actually makes Clarke and Bellamy stronger, and ALSO saves Madi, comforts Clarke when she loses her mother, and allows Bellamy to reconnect with Octavia.

I’m not gonna lie. I wanted to see Bellarke as an established couple, a battle couple, even domestic. That is not the story being told. That is a different story with different tropes and conventions and rules. I thought maybe book two could be that story, but nope. Still an epic romance in the apocalypse as we watch our heroes find out what is worth living for and it turns out it’s each other.

The story being told is an epic love story in the apocalypse. A mythic love. A morally gray story of heroes who both save and redeem humanity. A tragedy about trauma and healing. That’s my take on it. If you view the entire story through this lens, a lot of the things that confused the audience while they were happening make a lot more sense.  

If a theory can explain a story, and not leave out any of the narrative threads, and keeps working to explain the story that happens AFTER the theory was made, then that’s a sign that this is a theory that is on the right track in understanding the story. 

If a theory is jossed by canon, that means the theory didn’t work. It doesn’t mean the canon did it wrong or is a joke. It means the theorist was wrong, because the author gets to tell the story they want, and speculation is not their story. If you speculate the story to go in the direction YOU want, that’s your story not theirs. If you’re trying to predict the story the creator tells, you have to know what story the creator is telling. That means you have to understand it. 

If a theory leaves large parts of the story without an explanation or writes them off as “bad writing” or “plot holes” when they can be explain through another theory, then the theorist has failed. If a theorist calls the canon that goes off their theory a joke, or laughable, without trying to answer their unanswered questions by looking at the canon and trying to figure it out... then the theorist has failed. If a theorist assumes that the writer and story is a joke because the theorist is predicting that the writer is bad and will “ruin” the story though they have no evidence that is happening, then the theorist is a bad theorist with unexamined biases who is jumping to conclusions that are not supported and attacking creators for doing something that they have not done. Very disrespectful. Very illogical. Very non canon. Very bad meta. Sorry. 

You can have strong feelings about canon, but if you don’t understand canon and your feelings are based on your inaccurate understanding, then your opinion is kinda crap. You’re blaming the show for being something that it is not, and it’s all because you’re not interested in what it IS, only in your fantasy... when your analysis should be of JR’S fantasy. That’s what fiction is, a deliberate, constructed fantasy. The better they are at it, the more the pieces will all fit together. This story is novelistic in it’s structure and narrative and development. There’s a lot to deconstruct and analyze, and all the pieces fit together. Despite a few things that are unsatisfactory, the main relationship story (bellarke) is not. 

When I have theories that turn out to be wrong, I don’t say the story is wrong. I say I was wrong. Then I backtrack to where my theory started, figure out what I read wrong, and reframe my theories based on the new direction of the story.  The point of analysis is not to be right. It’s to understand the story that someone else is telling.

Let me tell you which theory of mine has NEVER been wrong.

That Bellarke is endgame, that they MUST be together.

It has not always been expressed in romantic terms, but each season it has gotten MORE romantic, which is what we call DEVELOPMENT. Side ships have NOT stopped this. Fandom tends to think CL and B/E are more of an obstacle than actual space, actual time, and actual death. LOL. Nope. CL was passionate and burnt out in a conflagration. B/E is comforting and currently in a slow fizzle as it burns out. On screen. In canon fights and bickering, physical and emotional distance, parallel letting go, Echo’s story of independence, finding herself and ultimate (my theory) breaking free from her king. Who is, in canon, Bellamy. 

it’s not laughable. It is a well developed story.

Now someone tell me why people would rather have a short break up with no meaning behind it and a hookup into smooshing faces finally, instead of what we’re getting, which is an indepth story of growth, understanding, love, passion, need, self identity, self worth, redemption, longing, and reunion. 

HE BROUGHT HER BACK FROM DEATH WITH ONLY THE POWER OF HIS LOVE FOR GODSAKE.

I suspect that people are the most frustrated with the story being told because all they want is boning. Because this romance is FANTASTIC, but boning we have not gotten. 

Or they’ve been gaslighted by a fandom who’s been telling us we’re delusional all these years. We’re not delusional. This story is real. If I were delusional, my theory that I came up with after Hakeldama-- endgame Bellarke, the head and the heart, together-- would have been jossed a long time ago. But it hasn’t been. It’s not only still going, it’s MORE important now than it was before. :)

Bellarke are the head and the heart. They’re not only still alive (remember how every season we had a panic that clarke and/or bellamy would die? nope,) but soulmates, who have found each other again, and need each other, and can’t lose each other. Bellarke are the center of the story. And if it were platonic, then we would have more story with B/E being a ship that fulfills Bellamy, because as the heart to clarke’s head, his HEART needs that connection, instead when he’s being torn apart emotionally, whether over octavia or clarke, Echo CAN NOT offer him comfort. I’d also like to say, that if CL were the center of the story, then, it would actually be a story, instead of just a mention here and there. It’s important, but not the center of the story. That’s Bellarke. That’s why all the stories revolved around them. Why season 5 was about the Bellarke reunion (and blakes) and why season 6 was about Bellamy saving Clarke with his love, and then Clarke saving everyone with what she learned about love from Bellamy. 

I was entirely wrong about the speed with which we would reach romantic Bellarke. My bad.I don’t particularly CHOOSE such slow burns. I read that wrong. But I never backed down from romantic soulmates because it was never taken off the table. The longing was always there even when they were separated, were in love with other people, or were furious at each other. And because of that, it could NEVER be platonic. Other fans thought the arrival of canon b/e was the death of bellarke, but what I saw was them framing B/E as a ROMANTIC OBSTACLE to Bellarke. And that was confirmation to me that Bellarke was a romantic story and they were going in that direction with the soulmate connection. And EVERYTHING that happened, from 2199 calls, was a romance story. Not platonic. PINING. LOVE TRIANGLE. SLOW BURN TRUE LOVE. HE NEEDS HER AND BROUGHT HER BACK FROM DEATH WITH A KISS. 

IT IS GLORIOUS. I am so sorry that you’re missing it. But y’all need to shut up with your whining. It’s annoying. 

[darylwillfightnatureforcarol]

Carol’s Mistake

This is one of my first Caryl fanfics and I’m still not exactly satisfied with it because it’s so out of character in parts, in my opinion. But I’ll post it anyway. 

This is set somewhere in Season 5/6 when the group is pretty fresh to Alexandria. Probably closer to Season 6 as Carol is pretty deep in her downward spiral at this point. 

Description: Carol is knee deep in her inner turmoil when one day she overhears that Daryl is attracted to her. Once her surprise passes, a plan arises in her mind.Seduce Daryl. Just because she's miserable doesn't mean he has to be.No feelings required on her part, right?This plan leads to Daryl making a dangerous risk.

Carol’s Mistake

Carol lay awake staring into the darkness. The only light was the sunlight spilling in through the window of her bedroom. She could hear the soft snores from behind her and the arm around her waist felt like heaven. She felt so conflicted about the whole thing. This had been her idea of course but in the wake of it she realized that it may not have been a smart idea.

She felt him shift behind her and pull her tighter to his chest, his snores continuing, indicating he was still fast asleep. Her eyes closed involuntarily and she shivered remembering the night before. Images flashed before her and she frowned, trying to dislodge them. Her plan had pretty much backfired. Carol should have known that it wouldn’t be as simple as she believed to engage in something like this without there being emotions involved.

It was just that she knew how depressed he had been lately and she had decided that whilst her purpose was murky and unsure, she at least could maybe cheer him up. After finding out that he was into her that way had sent a surge of confidence through her the likes of which she had never felt. She had not given it much thought before cornering him and playing out her seduction. In typical Daryl fashion, he had been skittish at first; slow to catch onto her goal.

She had approached him with what she hoped was a sensual sway of her hips. She had caught the way he scanned her up and down and bit his lip with an unfocused gaze. As she moved closer he backed up until he was against the counter staring down at her with a nervous look. She had brought up one hand to trail her fingers lightly over the collar of his shirt and she watched the movement of his throat as he swallowed.

“What’re you doing?” He rasped.

She gave him a coy smile and brought her hand higher to brush his long hair back from his eyes. He followed the motion with his eyes and she lowered her hand to rest on his chest.

“Do you want me to stop?” She questioned with a smirk. He frowned but shook his head and covered her hand with his. His body was like an inferno trying to burn her up. He still had an unsure look.

“Carol what is this?” He looked as shy as a little boy as he looked down at her all the while stroking her hand. She needed to give him a push. She moved up onto her toes and met his lips with her own. She began slowly and soft allowing him time to pull away if he wanted. Thankfully he deepened the kiss, settling his hand on her hip to pull her closer. She let her hands sink into his ridiculously long hair (He still refused to let her cut it) and softly moaned into his mouth. The kiss continued for a while like that, close mouthed but passionate, before he pulled away. His eyes had darkened and he licked his lips as he gazed at her.

“Carol what—do you want--?” He stumbled over his words, looking incredibly flustered. His cheeks were red as a tomato and his eyes seemed unable to settle on hers.

She made a shushing noise and massaged the back of his neck soothingly. His eyes closed momentarily with a sigh before he looked at her with that same confused look.

“Daryl, do you want me?” She asked, starting to second-guess herself but trying not to show it. He swallowed.

“Yeah.” He answered in a gruff voice. She grinned at that and went back in to kiss him. This time he was surer and grabbed her hips to pull her into him. He groaned in protest when she pulled back but she gave him a placating look as she inclined her head.

“Come on,” she said and she led him by the hand upstairs to her bedroom.

Now she lay wrapped up in Daryl’s arms as he snored peacefully behind her. She didn’t know how this would play out. She hadn’t thought through what the aftermath would be like. Maybe she could slip away quietly and gain herself some more time. She began to move his arm from around her and pull away from him but he made a soft noise and tightened his arm preventing her escape.

“Where are you going?” he murmured sleepily, nuzzling her hair. She couldn’t help but smile. Of course he was cuddler.

“Nowhere. Sleep well?” She asked stupidly not knowing what to say to him. He made an affirming grunt.

“Mmhm. Better than I have in years.” Her heart panged at that and she rubbed his hand comfortingly. Steeling herself, she turned over to face him.

“That’s great.” She smiled her now famous fake smile and he frowned. She tried to turn her head away but he caught her face in his hand, gently turning her back to face him.

“Hey, you okay?” He asked in a concerned tone. His eyes were searching hers.

“I’m fine. I just don’t know where we’re supposed to go from here.” He seemed to think over her words for awhile before he sat up to face her.

“Why did you come to me last night?” He asked in a confused tone. She pursed her lips.

“I wanted to...God, this is going to sound so stupid.” She trailed off, not knowing how to confess the truth. Daryl frowned not understanding where she was going with her words.

“Just tell me.”

She sighed.

“I heard some of the others talking and they mentioned that you were attracted to me, which surprised me because I never would have thought you would be interested in me like that.”

Daryl’s frown deepened.

“Why wouldn’t I be attracted to you?” He asked. Carol let out a disbelieving laugh.

“Because you’re you. You have that rugged thing going for you and there are so many younger, prettier women here to choose from.” Daryl scoffed.

“Rugged. Pfft. You’re crazy woman. You’re better than any of them. You’re beautiful Carol.”

Carol blinked in surprise at the matter of fact tone he used and the seriousness in his gaze. It made her chest ache with joy and pain. She wished she could be with him.

“You’re sweet but I didn’t finish. I came to you because hearing that you felt that way gave me a surge of confidence. I figured that I could use that power I apparently had over you to help make you happier.”

Daryl was hanging onto her every word and she could see the wheels turning.

“To make me happier? Not you?” He asked in a small voice and she had to avoid his gaze.

“I can’t be happy anymore so I figured if I could make you happy, that would be enough.”

The silence was stifling in the room.

“So you didn’t even want this? I knew there was something wrong. Why the hell would you do that?”

Daryl immediately tore himself away from her and began pulling his clothes on. She could feel her eyes watering as she watched. He wouldn’t look at her.

“Daryl, I’m sorry. I know it was stupid.” She tried to apologise. He cut her off as he turned after buttoning his shirt as he stormed to the door.

“You’re right, it was stupid. You didn’t do me no favour Carol. I don’t need your damn pity!”

With that he slammed the door as he left. She couldn’t stop herself from breaking down and sobbing into the mattress.

Once she had pulled herself together and left her house, she tried to hide how crappy she felt. She walked aimlessly through Alexandria. What an idiot she had been! She had definitely ruined Daryl and her relationship forever.

“Carol! Wait up!” She heard someone call behind her and she stopped and turned.

She watched as Rick caught up to her. He looked worried and her stomach clenched. Rick’s worried face always caused her stomach to become full of knots.

“Rick?” She asked in greeting.

“Hey, Have you talked to Daryl?” Rick questioned. Carol’s stomach dropped.

“No, not since this morning, why?” she answered as honestly as she dared. Rick breathed out in frustration.

“Damn it. I figured if anyone would know what’s wrong with him, it would be you.”

“What do you mean, what’s wrong with him?” She asked him worriedly.

“He’s been in a shit mood all morning and when I tried to talk to him, he punched me in the face before storming off. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this angry. Not even when I left Merle on the roof in Atlanta.” Rick said and she noticed the bruise forming around his eyes.

“Sorry about your eye. It’s kinda my fault.”

Rick scoffed.

“How is it your fault? Daryl never gets pissed at you. You get away with so much shit with him that none of us could never do.”

She pressed her lips together guiltily.

“I hurt him badly Rick. It was really stupid.”

Rick sobered instantly as he noted her seriousness.

“Wait, you’re serious. It was really you that pissed him off that much? Carol, What the hell happened?”

“We had sex.” Carol said feeling like she ripped off a bandaid. Rick blinked. He was silent for a moment before a tiny chuckle burst forth.

“Rick this is not funny!”

Rick seemed to try to stop laughing without success. He finally stopped with a small smile.

“Sorry. I know it’s not funny, it’s just we’ve been waiting for you two to get together for so long. What did you do? Tell him he sucked?” Rick asked with a barely concealed smirk.

“No! I told him the truth! I seduced him in an attempt to cheer him up.” She explained, feeling the guilt continue to eat at her.

Rick's face dropped all signs of humour. He looked confused now.

“But you love him.” Rick stated. So Rick knew how she felt about Daryl.

“Of course I do. It’s not that simple though.” She tried to explain.

“Why not? Did you tell him that you love him?” Rick asked.

“No I didn’t tell him.” Carol replied and Rick’s face darkened.

“Carol are you telling me that you told Daryl that you slept with him only to cheer him up?” Rick sounded resigned.

“Well, yes that is basically what I said.”

Rick rubbed his forehead with a sigh.

“No wonder. Carol you’ve made a real mess here.” Rick said stating the obvious.

“I know that Rick. Why do you say ‘No Wonder’?” She asked curious.

“I know why he’s like this now. He’s not angry. He’s heartbroken.” Carol blinked, thinking it through.

“But...” she began but Rick cut her off.

“Think about it. How would you feel if the woman you loved came onto you and you thought you finally had her only to find out the next day that she didn’t love you the same?” Carol’s eyes widened, now realising how Daryl must have felt about her revelation.

“But I do. Love him I mean. Oh god, Rick I fucked up.”

“He got on his bike and left the gates about an hour ago.”

She wasted no time in running to the armoury, grabbing a gun and heading for the gate. Eugene was on shift, pacing aimlessly as she strode up, shouting at him to open the gate. She ignored the man’s inquiring gaze as she exited the gate and headed to one of the cars parked outside.

It didn’t take her long to find her target. She was shocked at the sight that greeted her. Daryl in the middle of a small horde of walkers. Her alarm deepened as she realised he was completely unarmed, fighting them bare handed. She could see his knife still in it’s place on his hip.

She screeched the car to a stop and scrambled out quickly, gun and knife ready. The walkers began to tune into the new interruption, a few breaking off from the group to head her way. As far as she could tell, Daryl had not even noticed her presence yet. She could still see him beating walkers bloody and egging them on.

She easily sank her knife into the heads of the two walkers who approached her first. When more continued coming, she switched to her gun. She fired and took out three, getting closer to Daryl as she went. She could probably take out most of the walkers he was facing. That was her goal first off, eliminate the threat. The rest could wait until they were safe.

She took out the walker he had been beating on at the time and he finally looked up, noticing her. His face twisted into a scowl.

“The hell are you doing? Go home!” He shouted at her as he punched a walker in the jaw, causing said jaw to detach from its head.

She ignored him and shot at another three walkers, narrowing the herd to just five. She watched as he became more aggressive in his attacks on the dead things, her interference clearly angering him.

“Daryl, this is ridiculous! Let’s go!” Carol shouted back above the groans of the walkers. She aimed her gun at another walker. Daryl shouldered one of the walkers away from him to address her again.

“Don’t you get it? I don’t want you here!” he growled at her.

She flinched as the words triggered a memory in her. The farm. Sophia. She blinked and tried to gather herself again. The moment was enough for her guard to be down. She watched confused as Daryl’s face twisted in horror.

“Carol, watch out!” he yelled desperately. She whirled and came face to face with the rotting face of a woman-walker.

She began to raise her gun instinctively but it was too late. The walker was too close already and her gun was sent flying from her hand as the walker toppled her to the ground. She grunted in pain as her back collided with the hard concrete. The walker snapped hungrily at her face as she struggled to push it from her form. She freed one hand to reached down to her knife. Her fingertips continued to brush the hilt of her knife, not reaching enough. She began to accept that this was it.

“Daryl, I’m sorry!” she sobbed out, hopefully audibly enough as her hands began to stop their struggle.

The gunshot caused her heart to jump and she let out a gasp as the dead thing collapsed on top of her. She blinked in surprise that she was still alive. Her senses began to come back to her as the corpse was ripped from her and the form of Daryl standing above her filled her gaze.

He looked frantic and panicked, now holding her dropped gun. His hands sought hers out, pulling her from the ground. She could see his eyes, wide and frenzied, racing over her, head to toe.

“God, Carol, are you okay? Didn’t get ya, did it?” he asked in a desperate tone. She felt his hands begin to brush over her arms, feeling for signs of bites.

“I’m fine Daryl,” Carol vowed as she stepped back from him to catch her breath. She heard him exhale loudly and watched as he bent to rest his hands on his knees. He took a few deep breaths before finally looking at her again.

“What the hell was that Carol? What are you doing here?” he rasped out with an accusing look. She glared back at him.

“What do you think I’m doing? I came to bring you home,” Carol retorted, trying to keep her tone even. She wasn’t here to start a fight. He scoffed and shook his head, straightening.

“You shouldn’t have bothered. I was fine,” he bit out, storming to the tree-line where she now saw his crossbow lying.

“Are you kidding me, Daryl? You were unarmed! Were you trying to get yourself killed?” She snapped at him, still incredulous that he had done such a foolish thing.

“I was having fun, letting off some steam,” he lied with his mouth set grimly.

“No, you were upset, because of what happened. I’m sorry for how that went down,” She started.

He shrugged as if it didn’t matter to him whatsoever.

“Whatever. Don’t matter to me none.”

She approached him purposefully, noting the way his bravado dropped momentarily. She could still see in his eyes the adoration she saw this morning, though she knew he was trying to hide it.

She reached out and held his cheek in her hand.

“Don’t. I know it does and I need to explain properly. I made a mess of things.”

He grunted, looking reluctant still but he did stop attempting to escape her presence.

“I know what you think happened between us, but you’re wrong,” she started and he frowned not understanding what she was getting at.

“You think it didn’t mean anything and that I did it just for your benefit. I admit, some of that is true,” she continued and his face crumpled a little at the admission and he tried to step away from her but she held firm.

“No, Daryl, listen to me. I did do it in an attempt to make you feel better but that doesn’t mean it didn’t mean anything to me. God, you have no idea. It meant everything!” she confessed in a hushed tone and she saw his eyes widened in surprise. He bit his lip as she saw his mind begin to whir.

“I’m sorry I made it seem like I didn’t even want you. That’s not true, not even a bit. I love you, Daryl,” she finally confessed and he swallowed in response. He had gradually began to relax in her hold and now he didn’t look ready to flee at a moment’s notice.

“What was with this morning then,” he asked in a small voice and her heart broke at seeing him so vulnerable. She felt awful for letting her demons affect him like this.

“I’ve been trying to shut myself off, to be emotionless. I thought I’d be able to do that with you. Of course I was wrong. I can’t ever be anything but me with you,” she said with a watery smile. The tension in him was gone now and she watched as he took the hand which held his face in his hand. She melted when his brought her hand to his lips, kissing her gently.

“If you don’t want us to be anything, I understand. I know you’ve been through some shit. But I’m here for you, whatever you need,” Daryl vowed sweetly as he used his unoccupied hand to brush over her cheek. She leant into his touch.

“I just need you,” she promised with a watery smile before she reached up and pressed her lips to his. He sighed out against her mouth in relief as he returned the kiss.

[a-robin-among-thorns]

In The Shadows Of The Rising Sun Chp 11

Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 

Once again thank you for your patience and for reading this story :)

Chapter 11: A Girl’s Best Friend

Word Count: 2,028

Their first week in the strange situation they found themselves in came and went. New routines became established, waking early to assure mutual chances at breakfast, scouring the library for any books related to the magical customs of japan. Evening snacks, and homework in the forest, followed by lessons in magic and language respectively. 

As Chise had suspected, Reina was unconcerned if she returned late and even seemed somewhat pleased she didn’t have to share dinner company. Even her teachers had reluctantly admitted that her assignments were improving. And to top it off Reina would once again be gone this weekend while she visited a friend from college. 

Not to say they were no hiccups. One such hiccup greeted her that Sunday morning in the form of Elias’ nose hovered worriedly over her stomach. 

Sleep covered her like a film of moss that stretched and cracked as she forced her eyes open. She had no reason to feel this lethargic, she thought, their day yesterday had been spent leisurely reading through tomes of Japanese folklore.   

Concerned wuffles whined through Elias’ nose as he looked her over again. “Elias,” She groaned, “what's wrong?” 

“Chise, are you injured?” 

She blinked. “What?”

“I smell blood.” Troubled pants racked his frame never ceasing his frantic inspection. “I don’t understand, I was here all night… I should have known... what could have…” he muttered in increasing frustration. 

“Blood? I’m not…” realization crashed into her like a tidal wave. She sat up quickly forcing her knees together in frantic damage control. The sporadic movement served only to further worry Elias, as he froze eyes flitting from her face to his claws and back again. Her hands came up in placating motions. “It’s ok! Just... please help me to the bathroom.”

Smoky shadow dissipated and reformed just as quickly as his arms gripped her back and under her knees. As he lifted her in smooth bridal carry Chise quickly inspected where she had laid on the futon thankful for the uninterrupted color that signaled her fear was unwarranted. His strong legs crossed the apartment in hurried steps till the pads of his feet hit linoleum. She wriggled slightly and Elias relented to let her stand.

“Thank you, now just wait out here for a moment.” He made to protest briefly before nodding as she closed the door. 

A brief search in the under-sink cupboard yielded exactly one product. Delightful. 

To say Chise’s cycle was irregular was a gross understatement. There were occasions where entire seasons would pass between the end of one and the beginning of another. As such, she rarely requested sanitary products and that morning happened upon the bad luck of Reina’s supply being all but empty. Her head fell back and her eyes winced shut in a grimace. Not only would she have to devise a way to calm Elias, who had almost certainly melted into a puddle of anxiety by now, but also they would have to run to town and buy more pads. 

So much for our nice day, she thought dejectedly. She supposed in a strange way she should have been grateful for this undeniable sign that her health had improved ever so slightly thanks to the steady influx of food she had enjoyed since Elias’ arrival. Gratitude was difficult to muster however, as her organs decided they had stood idle long enough in the form ripping spasms across her abdomen. She grunted as she strained off the floor. There was work to do. 

The door opened to the scene of Elias nervously fidgeting before fixing his eyes on her. 

She breathed deeply before exhaling an explanation. “Its Ok Elias, I’m not hurt. It’s perfectly normal for girls to bleed every so often.” She prayed silently that she would not have to explain menstrual cycles to him in detail.

His fingers flexed anxiously, making unclear whether this explanation had calmed him or worried him further. “You are...not in pain then?”

“Well I wouldn’t say that.” she blurted as immediately as she regretted. Elias’ entire posture stood on end ready to jump the second she showed discomfort. “I mean, it's uncomfortable but not unbearable. We’ll just need to run to town to grab a few things.” 

Through a truly herculean effort, Chise somehow managed to get dressed while keeping Elias stable as they headed out to town. A grueling trek later found Chise staring at a convenience store racks. She scratched her head in genuine confusion as to which size and amount she needed.  

She finally chose and mentally ran over any possible necessities. Her figurative and literal coin purse was slightly heavier as of late thanks to Elias’ habit of swiping free change off the ground. Thankfully he did refrain from the paper money as asked. As she was mentally debating the cost of painkillers, her attention was drawn to a pair of girls arguing across at the candy aisle. 

“Oni-Chan?" the younger girl whined, "Can we get chocolate for Haru?”

“No,” Her sister scoffed, “mom only gave me enough for dad and nii-san.” 

The little sister's tiny fists shot down spiking her shoulders in a heated attempt to appear larger. “But you have money!”

“Yeah, but I’m not paying for chocolates for your little crush.” The older sister continued unaffected. “You should have thought of it before the day of.”

“Pleaaase? I’ll do your chores for the week?” The younger one pleaded quickly changing tactics.

“...Make it two weeks and you have a deal.” 

Chise absorbed the meaning of her accidental eavesdropping as the sisters loudly made their way to the checkout. Why had they made such a fuss over candy? And more importantly, why did she feel it was so important to her right now? 

Shouldn’t have waited till the day of...the day of what? She mulled to herself. It couldn’t have been three separate birthdays...oh. Well, that made two glaringly obvious surprises before lunch. 

Chise was passingly familiar with holidays that forced family participation to at least acknowledge her as an occupant of the household. But a purely social holiday, Valentine's Day, was as foreign a concept to her as what it felt like to stand under the Eiffel tower. She had heard about, seen it on tv, even observed chocolate-coated rendezvous at school. But actual active participation? Well, that required several things, money, time, a recipient. All things she didn’t have. 

Didn’t have until…

Her eyes flitted down to her feet. To the passing observer, the odd branching patterns of her pale shadow cast in the artificial storefront light would be attributed to the irregular shapes of the snack aisle. That same snack aisle she quickly found herself striding towards where the sisters had stood arguing not a minute earlier. 

The electronic doorbell of the convenience store blared in her ears as Chise left feeling like a thief seconds away from apprehension. Despite having paid for the entire expense without dipping into the last of their food money. Her shopping bag’s weight felt as though it belonged to someone else but she strode forward. 

She was all but running by the time they reached the apartment and took the stairs two at a time. The door opened, shut and locked all in one motion. In the same second that her back thudded in emotional exhaustion against the door a wave of shadow surrounded her. His face formed first clearly desperate to see and speak to her before all else. His arms and legs took a full second longer to form as he scanned her for discomfort.

Summoning all her courage she plunged her hand into the grocery bag, fishing furiously. “Chise, what are-”

“Here!” she exclaimed louder than intended. But she knew that without considerable force neither the words nor the present would reach their destination.  

He was taken aback for several silent seconds, staring slack-jawed at the small package thrust forward in her palms. He shook his head and delicately plucked the present from her hands. “What is…”

“It’s a chocolate bar, for Valentine's day...for you.” She blushed fiercely.

“You were supposed to acquire provisions for yourself.” He accused in a surprisingly serious tone. 

“I know! And I did. I just...i-in Japan girls give chocolates to b-boys.” An odd thought questioned whether he considered himself to be gendered in any way. But that was for another time. “It’s how we celebrate Valentine's day. It's nothing special, but I... wanted to…” Her explanation had devolved into rambling and she forced herself to breathe. 

“I’m sorry…” I knew I shouldn't have done this she chastised. The warmth of his hand on her shoulder distracted her from his nose leaning forward. "Don't apologize," He breathed directly into her ear. He nuzzled her temple before pulling away, an odd heaviness settling in his expression. 

“I...wasn't expecting this,” he finally uttered. “Thank you for the gift.” He gasped. “Is there something I need to do for Valentine's Day?” 

Relief flooded Chise in a rush leaving her feeling giddy at the strange and adorable situation. “No, not until White Day. It's custom to give flowers to the person who gave you chocolates. You don’t have to though.”

“No, I want to!" He exclaimed, his jaw opening frantically, "When is White Day?” 

“It's not for a month or so.”

“Oh, please let me know when it comes.”

His eager desire to please caused a happy little smile to rest on Chise’s lips. A smile that was quickly broken apart as her ears rang and her stomach dropped. Her blood sugar and body fell in tandem, the later cushioned in Elias’ lightspeed grip. A miasma of terror permeated his being as he struggled to find words. 

“Sorry, I should have eaten before we left.” Chise offered feebly as she fought the pounding against her temporal lobe. Against his chest, she could feel him swallow forcibly as he brought her back to the futon. Any protest she had was stifled by gentle comfort as he laid her tenderly and covered her with their blanket. There wasn’t any harm in resting her eyes was there?

In the background, she heard clanking about the kitchenette but her sudden onslaught of fatigue made discerning meaning from the noise an impossibility. It wasn’t until Elias set the coffee table upright that Chise’s full attention was brought back to the present. The sound of cheap ceramic hitting wood followed by a light sloshing caused her to sit upright cautiously. 

“I...was unsure I could work the microwave.” Elias sheepishly offered as Chise took in the sight before her. The plastic cup she preferred to use had been filled halfway and beside it was a haphazardly filled bowl of cereal. She smiled. “Thank you...were is yours?”

“I don’t need any until you eat.” 

“Elias-“

“I am not the one collapsing. I can last a few minutes.” He argued pointedly.

Chise sighed at her foolishness and diligently began forcing down spoonfuls. Midway during her meal Elias rose and retrieved cereal for himself. Chise watched him intently between gulps. She chuckled to herself when he accidentally spilled milk on the counter. As he was looking for a rag to clean with, Chise spotted his candy had been placed on the counter. 

“Would you like to eat your chocolate?” She called gaining his attention. He nodded bringing the package along with him as he sat across from her. “How...do you eat it?” He asked.

She extended her hand to which he placed the candy, watching intently as she tore the plastic and returned it to his hands. “You just take a bite.” He delicately closed his jaws on the corner of the chocolate and bit down. The bar crumbled slightly leading Elias to worriedly struggle to catch the crumbs. Chise stifled a giggle. His jaw moved in an odd semblance to chewing with his teeth barely opening before he swallowed. 

“Well?” Chise questioned.

“It is,” his tongue flicked out swiping a spot of chocolate flecked on his incisors, “very sweet.” He broke off a piece offering it to her. She accepted, popping it into her mouth.

Chise smiled, “Yeah...it is.” The pain in her abdomen was present but considerably dulled. Very sweet indeed.  

[theprodigypenguin]

what do I do if I want to read all of your stories cause I read one a long time ago and love it bUt am afraid of becoming anxious cause you have a lot of them? you kind of captivated me and now I want to listen (read, actually) to all the stuff you say (write) here on tumblr or on ao3, and comment in all of the content just because you deserve the support since you're pretty awesome, BUT I AM SO AFRAID OH GOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO YOU'RE COOL AND I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BUT CAN'T SO AAA sorry

Anon you’re the sweetest ever and this is the nicest message I could have gotten before going to bed, thank you so much for sending this. If you want to read all my stories in a binge then please be my guest, and I hope you enjoy all of them to your hearts desire, but please don’t feel any responsibility to comment on every single one. Of course I absolutely adore every single comment I’ve ever gotten, and I’ll appreciate every comment you might end up leaving, but I know sometimes it’s difficult to articulate how a fic made you feel. If you leave comments, I fucking worship you, but I’ll be just as happy if you simply enjoy my work.

Don’t ever be afraid to send me messages, and if it makes you feel more comfortable I’m totally fine if you just want to ask me questions through anon. I know sometimes reaching out to people you admire can be super scary, but I definitely encourage you to contact me at least through anon, which would be a lot less intimidating. I love getting questions about my work or just nice anons now and then, and I really enjoy interacting with people who enjoy my fics.

Of course I really have to tell you, I’m not special or really cool in any way. I’m just some trash bag who likes Jeddy. I’m just a normal fan like anyone else, so you don’t have to be afraid to contact me. I definitely won’t be able to reply to every single DM (I’m pretty busy irl because I work full time and just can’t keep up with that kind of thing, please understand), and I'm not be the greatest friend, but I’ll try to respond to anons and messages here as often as I get them.

As for my fics, I definitely see how it might be intimidating that I have so many. If it helps I can put a list of all my Cursed Child/Harry Potter work on my Ao3 (theprodigypenguin) with their word count so it makes things less intimidating:

Love Me Tender (4k words, rated G) “Teddy loved James. Tender and true; and James loved Teddy back.”

Memory, Memory (3k words, rated G) “Teddy visits his parents grave every year on the same day, but he always goes alone. This year turns out a bit different.”

Damages (27k words, rated M) “James wasn’t one to hide things about himself from the people around him. He was brought up to be proud of who he was, every piece of himself. He wasn’t ashamed of his sexuality or his preferences, the gender he was attracted to or otherwise, and his family wasn’t ashamed of it either. No, in the end he was ashamed not for who he was, but for who he loved, and the fear that everyone else would be ashamed and would hate him for the same thing.”

Stargazing (2k words, rated G) “The lack of lighting made his eyes look like glass covering shadows, mirrors that had no discernible color but reflected all the stars that he seemed so entirely enthralled with. He looked like a charcoal oil painting on canvas, and Teddy was starting to become an avid art lover.”

Woke the F*ck Up (10k words, rated G) “When an ex who broke it off because James wouldn’t put out re-enters his life and asks to have lunch together, James reaches out to Auror partner Teddy Lupin, who’s all too happy to help scare away the little bastard, no matter how he has to do it.”

OK (13k words, rated M) “An Auror mission gone awry proves just how essential having a specialized clinic for Lycanthrope-Afflicted witches and wizards is.”

Bones (15k words, rated E) “The Potter’s and Weasley’s had always been Teddy’s unofficial family, he’d grown up with them after all, but in the past he never would have imagined actually joining their family. Till now that is, and there was no one else Teddy would have wanted to share this day with.”

Slow Down Time (6k words, rated G) “It was so domestic, Teddy always found himself in awe of it. That he’d grown up almost entirely alone, and somehow was blessed with this family. There had always been an empty space in his heart that could never be filled by those he grew up with.It was an empty space that ached unimaginably whenever he looked at pictures of his parents, whenever he visited their grave or saw it was May second on the calendar, because what he longed for the most was family of his own, his parents, shared blood, and now he had that.”

Creation Out of Nothing (4k words, rated G) “In retrospect, Lily and Lysander don’t have much in common, but if you can’t bond over feelings of self doubt and the concept of not being good enough for your family, then what else are you supposed to bond over?”

Just a Scary Dream (5k words, rated G) “When they were younger, Albus always went to James when he had a particularly bad dream. He grew out of it, but in light of recent events, the murders of Craig and his grandparents and his involvement with Delphini, the bad dreams had just gotten worse, and only one person was ever able to help him through those nightmares.”

Moon Sick (9k words, rated G) “James is in his final year at Hogwarts, seventeen and thriving, but no matter how long he’d spent in Slughorn’s class over the past few years, he still didn’t much see the point of potions, and he was running out of time to finally get motivated about it. His seventeenth Christmas at The Burrow, however, proves a better teacher and motivator than Slughorn or his father ever were, as a dear friend becomes ill, where the only method of healing and relief is through the brewing of a special tonic. Though James has little to no interest in such things, if it’s to help relieve the pain of someone he truly cares for, he would do just about anything.”

Thicker Than Water (15k words, rated G) “James Sirius Potter loves his family, and he isn’t shy about announcing it. He’ll say it to their faces and say it to whoever is listening, that he loves his parents and his amazing sister, his cousins, aunts and uncles, even his ever frustrating younger brother, Albus. Difficult he may be to talk to sometimes, James still loves him, even if he struggles to make Albus understand that; but when Albus disappears not once, but three times, before the first term back at school is even halfway over, James starts to wonder, maybe he didn’t tell Albus he loved him nearly enough, and worries if he didn’t start saying it sooner, he’d lose his chance to entirely.”

Holiday Dysfunction (26k words in 5 chapters, incomplete, rated G) “People say that if you have a confession to tell, the best thing to do would be to simply rip it off like a Band-aid, but for Albus that metaphorical Band-aid has been stuck in place for the past six years, and it’s hard enough talking to your dad when he happens to be Harry Potter, so it makes things a little more complicated when you’re also in love and married to the son of your father’s former school rival and ex-death-eater. Throw a new kid into the blend and the Holiday Season just gets more festive.”

Stupid Deep (24k words in 6 chapters, incomplete/ongoing, rated E) “October of 1981 came and went, Halloween night left James Potter with lasting mental and physical scars, his wife lost to him and his son marked by a madman who had the audacity to disappear before James could get his revenge. He’d lost so much in so short a time: his loving parents, his beloved wife, his long time friend; a betrayal that stung more than the curse to his chest ever could. He struggled to live, he regretted every breath, only living because he had to, because he had Harry to look after, but he ached in ways that shouldn’t ever be endured by any human. James thought for sure everything was lost, even the things he still had seemed too far away and easy to lose. He doubted anything in the world could make it less painful. Until a chance miracle is brought to light, a former infatuation rekindled into burning flames, and the Gryffindor bravery James thought was long lost roars back to life inside of him. He’d lost so much, but if he could help it, he would not lose this. Not again.”

I hope this helps, love! And thank you for sending in such a sweet message!

[survivorbehemoth]

Episode 15: "congrats daisy for winning season 7 of celestial: behemoth!” - Jules

congrats daisy for winning season 7 of celestial: behemoth!

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JIOFEOJIFEWOJIWOJI THAT SOUNDS SO BITTER BUT DYLAN SIR U HANDED HER THE GAME! HANDED IT TO HER! GOD! and its what she deserves!

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anyways. let it be known this was NOT MY FAULT.

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let the record show, before last night's tribal, I SAID SOMETHING WAS NOT SITTING RIGHT WITH MY SPIRIT!!!!!!!!!! AND???? what happened. look what happened.

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still practicing my slide puzzles WJIJIEFIJWJIFIFWJEJWIEEJWIF

OH MY GOD I HATE THIS GAME I HATE THIS GAME I HATE THIS GAME!!!

this final 4 is absolutely amazing and i literally love all of them so much, but that just makes things 10x worse. i think that playing my idol on daisy was a huge risk and the fact that it is now a final 2 makes things a bit more interesting. my ideal plan was to have daisy in the final 4 with me so that i wouldnt be the next target, but now that she won immunity it just didnt work out how i intended at all!!

voting out jules and szymon is purely going to come down to which one of them will sway my way and it's going to hurt to send one of them to jury no matter what, but i just feel like i came all this way and not making top 3 would just suck so badly. so yeah, this sucks. i hate that no matter what i do im going to be upsetting people and hurting feelings but... i guess that's just the game! at this point im not even sure if i can win against daisy but it seems like she will take me, it just depends on whether or not i stay loyal to her if i win FIC or if i take whoever is with me in final 3.

much to think about, BUT I JUST CANT BELIEVE I MADE IT THIS FAR !!!!

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Jules is voted out 3-1. She becomes the 8th member of our jury.

Watch the Cast Assessment take place below:

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Szymon is voted out by Daisy. He becomes the final member of our jury.

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idk thought this would be cute to include my voting log and stuff hehe <3 https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1RiA0RUWX4TRpqBTgRzLJJ3fHu2jBqZ-bCJozFd3HcRs/edit?usp=sharing

Jules: https://youtu.be/6zKeJuOJKeY 

https://youtu.be/5dV_-X6Rv2U

https://youtu.be/N5tnq-4QAT8

someone (zach) asked me to rank the jurors from nicest to meanest...so here we go. ily all <3 <3

1. seamus (this will def come as a surprise, but seamus was the most levelheaded and nice one on the jury. he really never made a bitter comment even though he had every right to, especially at me/daisy/dylan and really anyone who was in after him except chips. like. he was the only person to reach out in pms after and it was immediate, he really comforted me and i really admire men who can have like good relationship w/ women that are platonic??? i know he's been like terrible in the past and i did call him on some stuff in hydravivor and ill be the FIRST to admit that i called him a crackhead on a daily basis but i think he's grown a lot!!!!!! idk. i think he's also the MOST self aware!!!! im a seamus stan, what about it?)

2. brandan (while brandan was kinda irrelevant game wise this season -- but not in our hearts -- he was very objective and a peacemaker. he had good reason to be MIA too so the fact that he got as far as he did means to me that he did form some strong social connections. and he did!!! with me, i think w/ conor, so idk, he had a role like i did in the game imo. i really liked him and he really brought a fresh perspective on things!!!)

3. szymon (he's only not ranked higher bc he's pissed off rob and he stands his ground a lot more outwardly than the first two, at least in the jury chat. also he's not had as much time as a juror. but even then, i think szymon is not a bad guy like some of the ppl make him out to be. like, idk, i think he made a mistake on a game level and he even admitted it and idk he's a legend. truly. im so glad to have met him and i think he was a really nice juror to have around while he was ACTUALLY around bc he stood up for me/daisy the way seamus did)

4. lovelis (lovelis makes some pointed comments but.....he's not dumb at all and so i don't think he's been bitter. also his pointed comments have been funny and mostly radiating the energy of the other Bitter Jurors so idk. i really like him on a personal level as well and have for a while so idk. i dont KNOW KNOW him but he's never been the type to make harsh comments without them having some merit to them. so i kinda trust his judgement even though he wasnt in the game long/an early merge boot. idk i think he's open minded enough and he's also someone who admits when he's done a Lil Too Much but he's really lovely. just competitive.)

5. chips (i dont think chips is MEAN per se, in fact, i dont think he has a mean bone in his body on a personal level. like WFIJFJIFWE I DONT KNOW HOW ELSE TO SAY IT HES SO FUCKING NICE!!!!!!! but thats why it's so funny to see him in games bc he's a lil lying, a lil backstabby and sometimes he's a lil passive aggressive. but its not undeserved. its also a pisces thing WEFJIEIEJWEFJIWEF i think what i saw in the jury house was sometimes chips going along w/ things, but i dont know, i really do not know much about chips game and ill probs ask him more afterwards?? but idk he was REALLY nice to me tho so FWIJFWEWFIFW i just dont trust him in games.......i dont know whats on his mind half of the time......)

I WANNA SAY FOR THE NEXT 3 MEN THEYRE HEAVILY INFLUENCED BY THEIR FIRE SIGN PLACEMENTS SO while i know some of them do hold resentment, its a lot easier to deal with and work with and with all 3 of them we've talked it out with/are going to talk it out. only #8 has been the MOST stubborn but idk imma let him do his thing & try not to pass too much judgement u know cause i dont need to waste my braincells on that

6. conor (knowing conor's astrological placements makes this make sense to me. but i wanna say that i think he's the type of leo to like be upfront, get it out, vent, and be fine? which is why i respect him a lot and i think we do have a mutual respect for each other. some of the comments he made were kinda rude tho and him fake liking astrology for social game was SO UGLY TO ME!!!! like i'll clown him for it for as long as i know him now cause....JOKE'S ON HIM!!!!!!! WJOEFWEOWEFO but that was kinda mean but def conor's come around and seen the light / has also reached out to me to talk. he's also admitted he left a mean speech in sbbb9 and regretted it so i think he might just shoot off at the mouth a bit. but BETTER THE DEVIL U KNOW THAN THE ONE U DONT and i appreciate the transparency NOW as opposed to the fakeness of him saying he liked astrology for social game. THIS IS A HILL I WILL DIE ON!!!!! im a fan of leos tho and he's a leo moon like me. so. i think we'll be fine. )

7. rob (i actually really REALLY like rob on a personal level but i really do not know if i could play another game with him, at least survivor, id be open to playing bb. i think ill say that the best thing about rob is that he's also apologized, was one of the first to when i confronted them all, me and him have a good personal relationship tbh!! but some of the game comments he made were p harsh and he's definitely a lil bitter but again, he's admitted it, i think while he's more up front -- i dont think i ever wanna be on his bad side in a game. EVER!!! cause we didnt even have any loyalty to each other in the game but he was SO harsh on my game like it was wild bc i dont think id ever be that harsh to ANY OF THEM ABOUT THEIR GAMES LIKE THAT???? anyways. its fine bc again he's apologized and he's owned it but PHEW he got a lil bit of a sharp tongue. really eloquent tho!!!!!!!!!!! love hearing him speak)

8. gage (last but least the southern belle himself................this man an aries and i dont know his other signs but him being an aries man is enough. they POP OFF!!!!!! a lot of times there's some truth to it, sure, but sometimes they just be popping off and FOR WHAT!!!!! i do understand gage's frustrations though but even he apologized for being too mean in HIS FUTURE FUCKING CONFESSIONALSSSSSSSS TO MEEEEEE so. idk. he's got an issue with letting things go in games and miss annajane calls him on a lot of BS and it does NOT seem to really knock him down but. gage is really wht u see is what u get, doesnt really own his faults but at least u kinda know where ur at w/ him. but he's still probs the meanest one in there but i do understand from a game level why he was so fucked up about it, especially after hearing FTC. its just that. i understand his position. BUT HE NEEDS TO TAKE A XANAX SOMETIMES I S2G GAGE I WILL GIVE YOU ONE!!! girl it is NOT that serious!!!!!!)

also forgot to mention that i admitted to gage that chris from s1 was NOT actually my brother and his jaw was on the floor <3 I GOT TO DO ONE TROLL THING RIGHT!!!!!! rip me/seamus' showmance serious!!!!!!)

okay just to add onto my last confessional -- the songs i think represent me best from this playlist game wise are: - perfect for you - punchin' bag - stayin' alive - flip - femme fatale/future nostalgia (for the girls alliance that never was....rip but also me/daisy at merge vibes) - X - the shortchange - TAKE ME AS I AM!!!!! THAT SONG IS THE ONE THATS BECOME MY SONG!!!! for this game especially!!!!! - over yet (the lyrics literally speak for themselves) - tough on myself (sorry for stealing ur song vincent) - seven devils - villains pt. 1 (i dont think i was a villain but i did stuff in this game that i usually dont and would consider villainous for myself FEWIWFEJIFEW i was in my feelings!) - passion & pain taste the same when i'm weak (me coming into the jury house and realizing they'd all snatched my wig w/ the edges and the glue.....i DID cry to this song for at least 2 hours! yes i did! WIFJWJIWEIJE) - tar ('under the stars -- pull yourself from the tar'. at the end of the day, this season was fucking stacked and there wasn't one person who was a bad player at all. at all.stars, if you will. i was under a lot of stars and from all the breakdowns in my game to me actually breaking down -- i GOTTA PULL MYSELF FROM THE TAR!!!! learn!! grow!! be better!!)

TOP 5 (not 'perfect for you'): - punchin' bag - take me as i am - over yet - tough on myself - tar

good for my whole journey imo!! the last 3!!! okay this is my ACTUAL last confessional okay thank u for everything!!! bye!!!

https://youtu.be/T5wRzWwlOp8

and here's my personal playlist for the org: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2E8KGCo1SrBgoJIQ9DycfM?si=96PWq-6ERCyisacQr3zPww

it is literally an hour and a half until the winner reveal and i really just have no idea what's going to happen. like in the back of mind i just have a feeling that im losing bc, yeah you know self-deprecation woo! but yeah idk i think i really gave this game my all and while i dont think i played it flawlessly, i still think i played a strong game i can be proud of :,)

having it be a live final tribal for my first ever like, jury questioning was just--- ugh wild but i actually think it went really well. just based on what people were saying it definitely seemed as if some of the jurors didnt really want to see me and daisy at the end or like, really werent consider voting for me but i think i was definitely able to sway some people who were willing to listen and definitely gave some of the jurors something to think about. so whether or not i win i do think that i had a really great final tribal performance, maybe it was even enough to sway enough people into giving me their vote?? WHO'S TO SAY

anyways this has been such a wild experience and it's surreal to think that it's ending in like, a little over an hour but no matter what happens i can say confidently that i will be able to look back on this season fondly and will be leaving it with my head held high bc I REALLY DID THIS LIKE!!! I REALLY MADE IT TO THE END!! WOW I STILL CANT GET OVER IT HAHAHA!! but yeah bye forever <33

Rob’s Last Video:  https://youtu.be/X3krxxfJ3oo

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Daisy wins in a 7-2 vote!