abyxxs

[abyxxs]

Ever find information that gels with your worldview so perfectly that you simply allow yourself to not complicate that fact? You could look deeper, but a little voice says that would spoil the ease of it all? That voice is the devil and it wants you to embarrass yourself in public.

[abyxxs]

Low empathy and apathetic folks are cool and aren't bad people for not caring about things in the same way as others. I can't stress enough how much someone can't force themselves to care emotionally/deeply about things if their brain isn't making that connection. You can maybe think your way into rationalizing why you should "care" or otherwise do the right thing but if you don't feel it that's not your fault.

If you can only care about things intellectually or from a distance, or frankly not at all, that's ok.

It's your actions that matter. Not the internal factors you don't have control over.

[abyxxs]

"What the fuck?"

no, "Watch the Phacus".

Take a 30 second scrolling break to watch these little algae swim.

[abyxxs]

Had a moment earlier (technically yesterday).... our partner needed our support and it seemed like me and Phoebe fused, temporarily.

Noting it for future reference.

We were attentive, present-oriented, and had connection to both logical smarts and emotional intelligence 👍

We felt closer to our body's age. It felt right.

I... want to find out how to do that again. Neither of us felt "away" - I was encouraging us, at one point, I recall. It felt warm. Comforting. Connected.

[abyxxs]

not to be a number nerd on main but 2025 (45^2) will be the only square year most of us ever experience. the last one was 1936 and the next one will be 2116

[abyxxs]

Stay away from people that only see things from their perspective.

[abyxxs]

I don't want to be awake. Our cats got me up to be fed and I wish I could have slept instead!!!

[abyxxs]

[abyxxs]

I am ignoring your obvious attempt to irritate me and listening to the actually useful part of what you said, which is that I really don't understand or empathize. I want to get over our emotions immediately and start Doing things again. It is frustrating.

I am recognizing that thing I do, where instead of knowing there is even a problem (and employing problem-solving skills), I end up playing computer games endlessly. I believe it's a way of asserting control over what I do with my time? And ignoring the cost to my sleep hygiene.

I don't know what to do about this because before, we would just bully each other to assert control. Now that we are trying to be more cooperative, I feel like my hands are tied. I... guess the next step is asking that part of me why they are doing this. (They probably don't want to talk about it, though.)

(What is currently stressing us out to the point that we are compulsively playing games to stop thinking about it? )

[abyxxs]

I am recognizing that thing I do, where instead of knowing there is even a problem (and employing problem-solving skills), I end up playing computer games endlessly. I believe it's a way of asserting control over what I do with my time? And ignoring the cost to my sleep hygiene.

I don't know what to do about this because before, we would just bully each other to assert control. Now that we are trying to be more cooperative, I feel like my hands are tied. I... guess the next step is asking that part of me why they are doing this. (They probably don't want to talk about it, though.)

(What is currently stressing us out to the point that we are compulsively playing games to stop thinking about it? )

[abyxxs]

[abyxxs]

Towards the light

[abyxxs]

i like people who just let me be quiet.

[abyxxs]

Sleepy. Mind racing. Want to rest, but then body feels antsy. Frustrating, but tolerable.

[abyxxs]

make love to madness,

but marry merit

[abyxxs]

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

[abyxxs]

disordered heart and disordered mind