#even though I havent for a while

[zartophski]

If you followed me for my writing, you probably noticed by now that I haven’t been posting much in recent times. I’ve been avoiding acknowledging it for a while, but I think it’s time to properly address it. 

I started sharing my writing during the pandemic, but I have been writing fanfiction for a long time. Before I even knew the word for it, I was writing stories based on my favorite books and movies. Creative writing has always been an important hobby in my life, and I can’t imagine life without a project to lean on when I need a break from the real world. Unfortunately, I have been living without creative writing for the past year or so. What once had been second nature slowly began to require more and more brainpower, and the process became less fulfilling and fun. It’s a hobby that I love, and I couldn’t understand why it became so hard. 

In my real life, I am a student. My academic life had a bit of an overhaul halfway through undergrad, when I decided to pursue a completely different field than I had planned. Now, years later, I’m in my last semester of Masters awaiting news on Ph.D. applications. I’m also supposed to be writing my thesis, but you can probably guess how well that’s going. I went into Masters directly from undergrad, and if all goes well, I’ll be going straight on to Ph.D. from here.

I’m sure you know where this story is going. I’ve been ignoring the signs of burnout, hoping that if I don’t touch writing, it’ll magically come back. Well, my creative writing for the past year has been minimal, but when I open a word document, I’m back in the throes of paralysis. Even if I have an idea I love, the words just don’t come. My creative ideas are trapped in my mind, no longer able to escape into a coherent written narrative. Trust me, I’m still thinking like a fanfiction writer. It’s just that all of my writing skills are suddenly gone. Well, not suddenly. In truth, I’ve felt this way for almost two years, but a year ago, I was still able to chip my way through a couple small projects. But this year, the one project I had on my plate that I was hoping to bring me back to writing has only solidified the painful truth that I am not the writer I used to be. 

So where do we go from here? Well, I have a couple pieces that are finished and waiting to be published. Those will be posted when I have permission from the team, which should be in the next few months. But aside from those, I have nothing. And I don’t think I’ll have anything for a long while. Like I said, I could be going into Ph.D. in the next year. I know this is probably disappointing to some of you, and others are probably wondering who the hell I am. That’s okay. I wouldn’t choose to stop writing, but the choice doesn’t seem to be mine anymore.

This isn’t a goodbye. I’m still around, my previous works are still posted. I’ll still be on Tumblr reblogging art and memes and hanging out. But I felt it important to address the drought on my page. I think I just need permission to set this aside with the intention of leaving it alone. So, I won’t be writing anything in the foreseeable future. I hope that one day that’ll change and I can come back to it. In the meantime, I’ll be here to chat and share the love.

[puppppppppy]

good morning sifloop nation

[cyani07]

jaiden and roier! (+ ari and bobby)

[ashoss]

hiya! i forgor if you still do requests but uh if it’s not too much trouble could do you like the batfam watching bruce just sit in a chair in front of the jason memorial for like hours in end

tbh this prompt has been sitting rent free in my head ever since i saw it

[bamsara]

trying to figure out if the continued nausea is related to intense stress and travel schedule or something simple like food poisoning or an infection

[firestorm09890]

Y'ALL. Y'ALL so for a long time I've believed that "the sun" in Meursault's story is Carmen, and I went to check Hell's Chicken's dialogue to see exactly how he said that he'd dealt with distortions before, and... you know what else he said?

To my knowledge, it is a phenomenon where an individual morphs into a form often unfit to be considered “human”. It has no known causes, and the appearances were all different.

Unfit to be considered human.

Meursault, who, in his book, was judged by the court to be soulless.

Meursault, who has EGO for Cyborgs who have been so mutilated they barely act like people anymore; a murderer who was experimented on until ceasing to be human; a sheep named after Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, a novel about the humanity of androids and the inhumanity of humans; and now a rose that can't help its bloodsucking nature, based on Carmilla, a vampire whose story emphasized the duality between her vampiric traits and her human ones.

Meursault, who answered Heathcliff's ironic question of if he had metal for brains like this:

I'm placing my bets now, that line from Hell's Chicken is foreshadowing for Meursault's canto even more than "I have witnessed a number of [distortion] cases in the past" was

[blackkatdraws2]

[Blank Scripts AU]

The Narrator [Black] and reality-warping.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

green apple flavor

[midnightclover]

Summon Night: Swordcraft Story (ATLUS, 2003)

[cabinette]

Thinking about my TMA OC... A motorcycle butch that just so happens to be an avatar of the lonely :-)

Little doodles.... Rambling + thoughts under the cut (yeah I can't draw helmets lol eave me alooone I had no referencesssss)

I want her to be very much like. Kind motorcyclist. Just looking to give some guy a ride. they never remember her face or her name and she never stops driving, but eventually the road theyre driving on just goes on, and on. And everything is so loud and cold and they want to scream and they want to go but their limbs feel like lead and. And at some point she dropped them off, but they're begging her to take them for another ride. somewhere back home. their original destination. and when she's not there for them when they turn around they'll have become so lost that theres nothing there.

Which of course sounds nice and all but I really want there to be more to her than Depressing Motorcycle Ride yk

Alongside that, however, she's a lady who goes out to bars to find people predisposed to loneliness and romance them and flirt with them until theyre alone with her, and just ghosting them into the lonely in the middle of a makeout session. Hello? hi? Getting quite literally lost in someones eyes because they're too desperate for connection to realise theyre slipping away, and once no one in the world exists but her then they stsrt to dissapear too. Okay? Okay. in anycase, I was struck by the sort of Time Dilation-like trance you get from driving motorcycles for long periods of time. Everything just passes by in a blur yk. you know you can see people you know you can feel the rain on your back, but the wind and the mist just kind of glide over you and it's peaceful....

I have suuuch a visceral vision of a statement giver describing her cigarette smoke. It would have filled them with warmth, It should have put fire in their blood, sparks in their brain— but it just seeped cold until their bones ached for something to anchor onto. The chilling mist brushing their nape like a lover. And its suffocating and its so, so frigid and they feel so alone in her touch, but what else is there? Next thing they know even SHES not there and theyre wandering through the lonely just looking for something to hold but their haaaands keep passinggg through everythingggg and im just. WOUGH

One of the more important and reoccurring details of her are her smiley face keychain and her leather biker jacket with "YOU HAVE NO ONE BUT YOURSELF" etched on the back. Mostly unimportant but I just wanted you all to know. Hehe

[snapscube]

Thoughts on Karlach?

she's a giant woman and i would do anything she asked me to. what else is there to say.

[moeblob]

Honestly? Good anime imo! I really enjoyed Aileen. I enjoyed Claude. I enjoyed Isaac and Keith and Rachel and Almond and Ribbon. I enjoyed Belzebuth and the flock of ducks (Walt/Kyle/Auguste) and Jasper.

[ur-ghostgirl]

:3

[puppppppppy]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[skunkes]

[sm0kingcrack]

turns your killing machine into a horse