#even one second is too long
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shaadowmilkcookie · 2 months ago
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One of Shadow Milk’s many prop replicas of himself, left behind. Even though the eyes are forever staring straight into the distance… Oddly enough, you still feel like you’re being watched.
But surely, though, it won’t hurt to take it home and touch up the colours, right? :)
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a2zillustration · 7 months ago
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We lived.
| First | | Previous | | Next |
[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
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puppyeared · 4 months ago
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my stardew farmer ^_^ he doesnt have a green thumb for shit so he keeps animals and does mining
some tidbits i came up with while playing hehe
reclusive and doesnt really go out of his way to talk or visit people unless its an errand. but he also doesnt try to befriend others to get something out of it, so he has a very easygoing approach to making friends. on good terms with linus and sebastian since he runs into them most often.
if he respects or takes a liking to someone, he'll greet them with miss/mister (name). if you get close to him he starts using first name basis. if he doesn't like you, he'll refer to you by your title without using your name. only a few people have caught on to this.
the farm he inherited, Milky Way Farm, was the site of a meteorite crash and sometimes you can find shards of meteor debris littered around the farm (i picked the hilltop farm bc of this lol)
lost his sweater and pants a long ass time ago and doesnt have the time to look for them, so hes been working in his sleep clothes ever since
isnt actually grandpa's real heir to the farm... ;)
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royalarchivist · 9 months ago
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I say this in the kindest way possible, but I think this style of prose is more appropriate for a personal account rather than an update account. I have no idea who's being talked about half the time. 🥲
[ Tumblr meme via @mikaikaika ]
#QSMP#Philza#Edited#Phil#Let me know if this needs an additional tag#I don't think this necessitates a discourse or neg tag or whatever because I'm being silly but I'm happy to add one if folks need it#I won't post this one on Twitter I don't think because I genuinely don't want to hurt anyone's feelings#but. I feel very strongly about this. It's not helpful#I say this as a fan and as a professional writer (who also worked in the Marketing and Communications field for far too long)#The prose is nice! It's very whimsical and they're having fun! But I don't think it's appropriate for an updates account#I recently turned off notifications for QsmpEN and I'm considering muting them because half the updates just aren't helpful to me#I want to be able to speed read through the update thread I don't want to spend an additional 30 seconds trying to decipher who's who#I don't like posting complaints so I tried to make it a funny complaint#because I do think feedback is good! And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way#but at the same time: these update writers ARE volunteers#(As a side note -- I personally think anyone running a large social media account should be paid)#(I did that for a few years and it was hell. I can't imagine doing that and NOT getting paid for it)#But anyways#They're all volunteers so I don't actually wanna go all pitchforks and torches on them (which I wouldn't do anyways even if they WERE paid)#I'm just venting my frustrations in what is (hopefully) a funny way#but you're welcome to disagree! That's ok too#Portfolio
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ganondoodle · 2 months ago
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(scrapped painting)
its kinda fascinating how you can draw something well and instead of learning from it for the next drawing you repeat the same old mistakes that kept you from improving in the first place
(was supposed to the next scene after the previous good painting lol)
its a rly early sketch (i know it wont work out though, too much wrong) but Zaphira (standing) was winning the fight against the guy that challenged her (he also cheated and attacked her weak leg with a dagger despite it being a fist fight) so he ordered the soldiers he hid in the audience to shoot, Shargon is catching the arrows in the air before they can reach her and she trusts him enough to not even react to it
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galactaknightyaoi · 24 days ago
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It's my OCs' first birthday today, yippie!! They're enjoying their birthday with some tiny company and a horribly baked cake. But it's the thought that counts!
These are Pai, Aurelio, and Lizzie. They are a couple and run a diner together in the low suburbs of Halcandra. Their shop also serves as a safe space and shelter for other Star Borns just like them.
They also tend to take in the more little ones of their kind, soon after they've first formed. They look after them and teach them stuff, before letting them go to live independently. But they're always welcome back in their house! Be it for shelter, or a nice cup of coffee.
More about them under the cut. Be warned it gets kinda long.
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Pai's ability is Cook. When he was little, he used to use his ability to make food to share with his whole neighborhood as a way of uniting everyone.
Since then he's been steadily building towards a goal, to open his very own Diner. He wanted to create a space for his community to thrive in, though he was severely disadvantaged in such a large city.
He's not one to give up and he always looks on the positive side of things. He tends to spoil the kids they look after with treats, and has a hard time saying no, so he often takes on more than he can handle.
He is the one that looks after the well-being of the kids, and generally, things that require a bit more... Tact. He looks after them when they're sick or injured, which is how he ends up meeting future GSA founders Arthur, Erebus, and Anansi.
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Aurelio grew up in a scrapyard with 6 others of their kind, being kept there as guard dogs for the paranoid old man who owned the place. They were encouraged to fight each other for fun, which is how they got the scar across their face.
When they got too big and troublesome, most of them were kicked out of their home and left to fend for themselves.
Aurelio's Spear ability eventually landed them a job as a Knight for Halcandra's elites, where they worked alongside a few of their friends. Their job was to guard the meeting room and defend their assignment from threats.
A few years into this job, they and other soldiers were given a mission. A pair of dragons were nesting at the bottom of the Haldera Volcano, they had to get them out. Dragons are calm if not provoked, so relocation shouldn't be difficult...
As it turns out, the dragons were a mated pair. A male and a female, and they were viciously protecting their egg clutch.
In the battle against the dragons, Aurelio was injured and burned by fire, but their natural fire immunity allowed them to be one of the few survivors. Nevertheless, the Knights were successful in their mission and managed to drive the dragons out.
The 4 eggs that weren't crushed during the battle were passed off to the Ancients for research. They became the Guardian Angel Landia later on.
She was forced to retire from Knighthood at age 31. Due to the lasting effects of their injuries, Aurelio is the one who spends most of the time with the children. For better and for worse.
Because of their childhood, they have very skewed ideas of how to treat children. She'll often put them in dangerous situations unintentionally since she has no frame of reference to tell her that taking kids out to the Gator Pond isn't a very good idea.
Aurelio teaches the rougher life lessons. They've been through quite a bit, so they want the kids to learn how to defend themselves, and to be careful and not have others take advantage of them.
She does most of the disciplining and the one that gives timeouts and other such punishments. She is of the opinion that sometimes rough love is necessary to set someone straight. She's calm and loving, but a bit stuck in the old way of doing things.
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Lizzie, real name Angeliz, is a 2-time college dropout who grew up upper class despite her species' disadvantage. She never had many friends growing up, since other kids didn't really like her, and resigned herself to being what her parents wanted her to be.
She tried to study medicine but quit after 2 years. Not wanting to further disappoint her parents, she went into law. Which she also hated but tried to commit to finishing despite how miserable it made her.
Meeting Pai and Aurelio helped her get through the year, but after Aurelio was injured, she quit law and started living with them. She helped Pai balance his business with taking care of Aurelio and eventually used some of the money she still had left to give Pai's Diner the little push forward it needed.
Despite the many etiquette classes she took as a child, Lizzie completely lacks social skills. She's a total disaster, especially when talking to someone she likes. Once she gets comfortable, her true personality starts to shine through.
She's a huge slob and kind of vulgar despite her cute appearance. She's easily angered and does not like to be teased, which makes putting up with bratty kids more difficult for her.
She tends to treat kids as little adults instead, which causes her to not be very mindful of their sensitivities. Even when in a good mood, trying to do her best, she always ends up saying the wrong thing and makes everything worse.
She handles the business aspect of their Diner, crunching numbers and reading over legal documents. She's really smart and knowledgeable, so she's the one who tends to teach kids reading, writing, and math.
Her ability is Bubble. She never used to like it, it was silly and useless to her, so she kept it hidden for years. After meeting her partners and becoming happy, she's started blowing bubbles more frequently. The kids love them.
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mammomlette · 3 months ago
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People don’t talk about MC needing to wear a magical ring to not accidentally yk cause NATURAL DISASTERS with their powers??? Not only accidentally but without realising???
Diavolo or smthn is asking too much of MC or being a bit too annoying and their other hand slowly drifts towards the ring and they hold onto it while maintaining dead eye contact. Like continue to piss me off hoe I’ll blink and blow a hole in your castle idk
Obv they never do it (or do they?) but the threat is there and it’s a risk dia (or whoever but I’m using dia) can’t take
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boarloved-art · 3 months ago
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i like the car movies a lot.......
#cars#pixar cars#lightning mcqueen#sally carrera#my art#art#drawing#fanart#sketch#these r SOOOOOOOO messy dont worry abt jt#i love sally n mcqueen so muhcnman#sally the love of my LIFEEEE#also his pyjamas in the court sketch r. bc i asked my pals what we think he was wearing when he got separated from mack. bc its SO funny to#imagine him in his pjs in court trying to seduce sally#like realisitclally hes probably not. they peobably gave him a change of clothes he did in fact make a mess#but man.....the idea of him stood there in his own branded pjs . .....it enamours me#temporary wheelchair user mcqueen after his crash is reel to me <3#he doesnt even need it for that long but by god he decks it out#note that they have rings on in the cars 3 ones...theyre married...#the second one is all sally when she arrived at radiator sprrriiings i rhink of her too much#ft flo & sheriff#ur sheriff. ur watching the road leading into town (even the towns basically dead anyway noones fucking coming in so ur legit just sat ther#eating lunch and thinking abt ur husband). a blue porsche rolls in and ur like huh. a visitor. thats new. the porsche suddenly just gives#out in the middle of the road and ur like. oh shit lemme call mater. before u get the chance to do that u r cut off by the LONGEST BEEP#IN HISTORY as sally carrera#burnt out from lawyering#slams her head on the wheel and yells FUCKKKKKKKKKK. this is MY canon now.#sheriff watching a stressed 20 smth in a business suit repeatedly knock her head against her steering wheel while muttering about#how this Has to be her annoying bosses fault somehow#wondering if he should offer her some help or just let her get it out of her system
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soupmanspeaks · 5 months ago
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Uhhh something Something headcanon the pizzaplex staff are given little trivia note cards about the company and the 80's in general to recite to guests as they tour the place or something, but the thing about these note cards is that they're full of the most inaccurate info ever, and freddy'll overhear them sometimes and literally have to stop in his tracks to compute what was just said like
Staff: "And here we have Glamrock beauty salon! Where you can get personally styled by Roxy herself! Fun fact, shoulder pads were all the rage in the 80s! Everyone was wearing them, along with their bright neon t-shirts and legwarmers!"
Glamfred: "......I remember we wore more t-shirts and jeans, actually"
Staff: "......?"
GF: "uH.....I mean--I am sure there were some shoulder pads..!"
#fnaf#five nights at freddy’s#glammike#glamrock freddy#michael afton#silly salvaged au#i spent way too long on this post no joke#i was frantically googling “80s misconceptions”#because for what its worth that era is more mythologized than we think it is#like the pizzaplex itself is the glamorized rose tinted glasses version of the 80s#i just really like the juxtopositon lol#the more realer feeling of the period that the fnaf 4 minigames had vs SB's shiny corporate kingdom lol#ajfjisrj anyways i really like the image of freddy in a meet n greet or something#and then he'll overhear one of those fun “facts” and right as he is in the middle of saying something#he goes “Hello Superstar! are you ready for your birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-”#poor mike he heard misinfo being spread and he got controlled shocked for it 😔😔😔#LMAO WAIT freddy probably sends an anonymous email to the higher ups because of this#Gregory's like “does it really matter THAT much freddy??”#“gregory it is a matter of proper information being spread”#“that and also they called me 'promising heir of the fazbear fortune' when recounting history”#“i will let them know i was not promising in anyway”#“also did you hear they called my brother completley different names!”#(the cards just say “william afton's second son” so the staff improvise a bit lol)#(in this au his name is Evan (basic i know))#“gregory one staff said his name was Chris and another said his name was Norman--where did they even get Garrett from???”
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yeetusthemighty · 5 months ago
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Huh I wonder what that blue glow is (spoilers under the cut)
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oh.
(Decided to crop this one just in case anyone cared about spoilers)
full art here:
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emblazons · 2 years ago
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"Did she...talk to you at all?"
Mike Wheeler & Will Byers in S04E09 - The Piggyback
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meltedmush · 4 months ago
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how long does it take you to draw your sketches/doodles? also do you have any tips to draw faster? 🙇‍♀️
I generally take 30 - 60 minutes a sketch,,,, but honestly really depends on how detailed it is.
Like a Chibi will be done in 20 - 25 minutes (Counting in the extra time I spend on minute details like a perfectionist 😭)
I for some reason really like spending egregious amounts of time on random objects too??? Unless it’s the in the background, I’ll spend 40 minutes refining it.
Random characters that are fully colored and rendered with take like 80 minutes.
The comics take usually take an hour or two per page. (If I decide to cross hatch it, my entire day will be gone with 4 pages… so I’ve been trying to find shortcuts. But not without sacrificing the quality for time lol)
I don’t think there’s any trick or magic to drawing faster. It’s really about weaponizing your artistic knowledge, and finding what’s comfortable or convenient for you!
There was a period of time where I would spend 11 or 12 hours on an illustration, and it wASS UGLYYYYY. (Some of these artworks are still available on my tumblr,,, but it’s SO LONG AGO, AND IT WAS MY 1ST OR 2ND YEAR GETTING INTO DIGITAL ART)
Overtime I learned what worked best for me, and practiced till I felt more comfortable with what I was drawing. Eventually I managed to shorten the time to 4 hours or less! Ambition was my biggest enemy but at the same time my biggest motivator. (And it still is LMFAO) 😭
EDIT (bit more to my way too long tangent): ALSO??? BRO DON’T BE AFRAID TO USE YOUR MESSY SKETCH AS LINEART OR DRAW ON TOP OF IT. I’VE DONE IT FOR YEARS NOW AND IT ADDS SUCH A GOOD EXTRA BIT OF TEXTURE,, AT THIS POINT I DON’T EVEN USE LINE-ART ANY MORE UNLESS IT’S A COMMISSION,, (IT’LL ADD LIKE AN 2-4 HOURS TO MY WORK)
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#mushyrt#asks#that word minute bothers me so much#I look at it and want to refer to it as the time minute#this sketch took about 3 minutes when it should’ve been 1 minute#BUT I WAS SO HYPERFIXATED ON THE EYESSS#i say these pretty words#but THE REAL TIP IS HONESTLY THE LASSO TOOL#LASSO TOOL IS THE BEST#IT’S MY FAVORITE TOOL FOR MAKING BACKGROUNDS OR QUICK SHADING OR COLORING#OR ALSO THE MASK TOOL#TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM#THEY’RE SO GOOD#Procreate mask tool kinda sucksss#SO USE ALPHA LOCK IF YOU ARE A CONFIDENT PERSON#OR NOT AFRAID TO F**K UP#Bro I sometimes draw on 1 layer and use alpha lock and my friends look at me like I’m a menace#BUT IT!S USEFULLLL AND SO EASY#This little tangent definitely should’ve been my answer for the ‘how much do you draw’ question#but I’ve been thinking about it for a long time#AND I’M A MANIAC WHEN IT COMES TO DRAWING 😭😭#even if you rob me of a paper or pencil I WILL FIND A WAY TO DRAW#I WILL SCRATCH INTO YOUR SHIRT AND ROCKS AND MAKE AN ARTWORK OUT OF WATER OR CAT FUR#YOU WILL NOT DEPRIVE ME OF MY CREATIVE ENDEAVORS#This didn’t stick out to me until one of my friends said ‘omg ofc she’s drawing’ under her breath#like I spend every second of free time I have drawing unless I find something else interesting#The only time I’m not drawing is when I’m on the toilet or doing random everyday stuff#I forgot to talk about this but greyscale to color is insanely useful too; it teaches you different values while also being super fast#i tend to use greyscale to color when I do a BW sketch I end up liking#TL;DR - Lasso Tool + Layer Mask + Alpha Lock + Sketch as lineart
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front-facing-pokemon · 7 months ago
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yuriyuruandyuraart · 1 year ago
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i just wanna see more of these two dorks interacting omg >:'D <333
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swordheld · 1 year ago
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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?
hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].
but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.
it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.
and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.
the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.
an emptiness, like you said.
but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.
you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.
he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.
but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.
how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.
the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.
think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.
i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.
but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.
as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛
#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3#i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai#after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where#it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.
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rainintheevening · 2 months ago
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Part I - Part II ... Part XVIII - Part XIX
It hurts to see Peter hurting.
More than the state of their city (still theirs), more than the shattered buildings (he imagines the inferno of Christmas with a little shiver), even more than the dark smudges under their mother's eyes (he and Susan make all the meals during the holidays), it's Peter who wrenches at his heart, ache welling behind Ed's sternum.
He sees how Peter yearns for a sword, an enemy, a way to make all the brokenness around them right. More than sees, though, Edmund knows.
Knows the hunger that eats at the back of the throat, the way a single page in the newspaper swamps security like a tidal wave, the helplessness that weighs shoulders and hands till falling to fury or despair seem the only choices available. Hunger and helplessness had been his old play-fellows, back Before, and now he finds their heads reared again, but he also finds himself too taken up with watching over his brother to pay much attention to them. He forgets himself in his concern for Peter.
Peter does not cry again, not that Edmund sees or hears at least. He sleeps little, laughs less.
The girls too are shaken by the alterations to what had once been their world, but Lucy laughs more than she cries, and Susan steps easily into the motherly role.
Peter does all the shopping. In the span of their three weeks holidays, he also fixes all the bicycles in the garden shed, digs up the whole bed of the Victory garden, mends two broken chairs and a chest of drawers, takes a broken clock to pieces (Ed is the one who finds the problem), and fights four different boys, two of them more than once.
Many of the children who had stayed through the whole of the bombing are quick to sneer at those who did not.
“As if we chose to go!” Edmund complains.
“Cowards,” hisses Daisy Moore as she passes them in the churchyard, and her brother laughs.
“Got scared by a few rockets, and left your poor mother all alone in her shelter, listening to us all burn?”
Ed does not relax his grip on Peter's arm until Daisy and Danny have disappeared, until the tremble of taught muscles under his hand has melted away, until the growl has died in Peter's throat.
“Look,” Ed says with forced lightness, guiding Peter toward the street where Lucy leans against a small tree, singing to herself. “I know it was terrible, but there's no call for talking like that. It might make you feel better for a moment, but it makes someone else feel horrid for awhile, so it's definitely a sum-total loss.”
Peter does not answer.
The next day he and Susan come home from a walk, and his sleeve is torn and there is blood on his knuckles.
“They insulted Susan,” is all he says to Edmund in the mirror, bent over, washing wounded hands.
Edmund is glad when they go back to school.
At St. Maurice’s, Peter's responsibilities are clear, he's respected, he has the wide open sky and the wild moors to ride over.
They step off the train at the village station, and Ed sees him breathing deep, smiling at Colin's enthusiastic greeting, leaping to catch a stolen cap and prolong a wild chase along the platform.
Ed joins Peter very early for a ride the next morning, slapped awake by the cold wet May air, but he sees the light in Peter's eyes, the way he greets each horse in turn, and Ed strokes Rose's neck, tickles under her chin as he smiles himself.
“Perhaps he'll be alright.”
But then this term Wollers is gone, graduated, good, steady old boy off to the war, and the new Head Boy ticks Peter off twice in the first week for ‘interfering’, slaps Alexander Morrow in Ed's form with a hundred lines (in French!) for cheeking him in the hall, and generally does his best to let everyone know he's in charge, while also making everyone hate him for it.
Ed hates it, especially for Peter's sake, when Peter's only a year younger and also named head of the Sixth Form. A few weeks in, Peter joins Ed on the way in to lunch, and his brow is drawn low over still-smouldering eyes, jaw set in a hard line.
“Beaumont”, he says, without preamble. “Trying to tell me what to do about Gilly when it's a Sixth Form matter. Now who’s interfering?”
“Not you,” Ed says mildly, watches Peter's shoulders drop, watches him exhale. “Just don't give him the satisfaction of marking you up for anything,” he adds.
“I know, I know,” Peter sighs. “Jolly well wish I could box him, but I can't unless he starts it. I don't know why they chose him.”
At least Pete has rugger to shine at, Ed thinks. Peter had sat his Junior Cert at the end of last term (and passed with Credit or Distinction in all subjects, which Ed is very proud of him for) so he's more relaxed with his own studies, making time for more tutoring of the young ones, and making the rugby team.
Edmund tries out for the Junior team, gets named a spare. He knows he's not strong, but he is fast, and slippery.
A letter from Dad comes, forwarded from Mum, and it is cheerful, telling them things they already know about the successes in North Africa, expounding on his work learning Arabic, giving a brief written sketch of the desert sunset that strikes up vividly at them like heat from the sand till Edmund can see it as clearly as the view west from Tashbaan.
Peter is quiet though, broody for days after. Ed watches, wonders, worries.
Three months and Peter will be 17, a year off of signing up. Sometimes Edmund is certain Peter would have already gone, fudged his age and signed his name; he doesn't doubt they would take a strapping youth like Peter with very few questions. But he'd promised Mum, and Peter Pevensie is not a promise-breaker.
He's also not the only one hurting, not the only one missing Dad, missing Narnia, but Ed doesn't like to worry his brother, doesn't want to add to the concerns Peter carries.
There are questions sitting somewhere in his stomach, and he tries to ignore them, but they've grown heavier over the days, weeks, months. Time ticking by, another spring, and something about the sunrises, the green flush racing across the quad, rising in the victory garden, the apple trees by the stables bursting into bloom, it makes the longing flare bright in him.
As always the memories stay hazy, sometimes fearfully so, only brought back in sharp relief, a cleared streak in fogged up glass, in odd moments. Ed thinks there's a pattern in it—when a lie hovers on the tip of his tongue, he hears Oreius's voice; when Peter turns with an angry word, he remembers tense council rooms; when an apology fails to melt Edmund's own shame, he sees Tumnus's face. But there are smaller, less specific flashes too, and one day, hard at work with the violin in one of the practice rooms, he gets lost in the music, notes dancing under his fingers, spinning, swooping, diving, soaring, and he plays and plays and plays until he coasts to a halt, stands breathless and a little dizzy, feeling exactly as he had after his first real flight on the back of a gryphon, and his hand on the bow grips involuntarily tighter, as if feathers and fur are slipping through his fingers.
“Oh, don't stop.”
A hoarse whisper making Ed spin round, but it is only Peter leaning in the doorway, yearning writ large across his face, until their eyes meet and it twists into sorrow.
Only then does Edmund realise his cheeks are wet, and he pivots quickly back, lays the violin down gentle, deliberate.
Peter says nothing, but he comes across the room, stands close behind, close enough that Ed decides he doesn't care, and turns, falls into Peter's chest.
Arms wrap strong around him, smile bunches the cheek that presses against his head, but still Peter says nothing, and Edmund is glad. Just for a minute he hides his face in his big brother's shoulder, and lets himself cry. Peter holds him, safe and tight, and he stays, sniffling into Peter’s vest, until Peter says, “It sounded like Narnia. What was it?”
Ed sighs, pulls away to scrub a sleeve across his nose. “I don't know. It just sort of… came over me. Or out of me. Or to me– I don't know.”
Slow grinning pride breaks across Peter's face. “So you're a composer now too!”
And Ed must needs shove him away, rolling his eyes. “I didn't exactly write it down, so I'll probably never be able to play it again.”
“That doesn't change how beautiful it was,” Peter says, hopeful and true like Edmund needs him to be.
He fingers the violin strings, plucking them gently, tick tock tick tock tick, and he says it quiet.
“It's been about ten years. In Narnia. Without us. If the time difference between the professor's visit and ours is consistent.”
“Corin will be a man,” Peter murmurs in the surprised tone of grown-ups talking about nieces or nephews they haven't seen in ages. “And what would you bet Aravis and Cor are married?”
“Peridan and Anna must have several children by now.” Ed’s voice catches in his throat at the thought of his friend, who had sworn he would make Edmund godfather of all his sons, as well as letting him teach them all how to fight. And oh, Ed had stood up at his wedding as best man, hadn't he? While Peter had given Anna away, in lieu of long-lost father or brothers.
“Erah and Pearl–” Peter starts, but can't finish.
“We weren't trying to leave,” Edmund says. “I wish they knew that.”
“We were only following Lucy into another adventure.” Peter has a little half-smile on his lips, and then his arm around Ed’s shoulders is warm.
“The professor said it wouldn't all be easy.” Edmund rests his head on Peter's shoulder.
“Do you ever wish-?” Peter starts, but cuts himself off with a decided “No, I don't.”
Edmund knows, he's wondered himself, once or twice on difficult days, but he always answers the same as Peter. He'll always be grateful they had been brought to Narnia.
But there's one question he does hesitate over, as the seasons change, and the clock ticks on, and he voices it now, barely above a whisper: “Are you so sure we'll go back?”
“Of course,” Peter says at once. “Aslan said we would always be kings and queens of Narnia. We'll get back somehow.”
“You're sure?” Edmund pulls away enough to look hard up into Peter's eyes, searching for a hint of doubt.
“Quite. We have to.” Peter swallows hard, looks away out the window where the rain falls steady in the quad. “We have to,” softer now.
Ed sees the longing in his brother's eyes, and he wishes suddenly that just being here with Edmund and the music and the rain was enough for Peter. But he loves his brother anyway.
“Alright, your majesty,” he says lightly. “Now come on, the supper bell will ring any minute.”
He snaps the clasps on the violin case closed, leads the way out of the room, humming the whisper of wings in a blue sky.
Behind him, Peter is silent.
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