#and cross is my second fav ofc i want him to get along with our resident himbo like cmon HHH

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

i just wanna see more of these two dorks interacting omg >:'D <333

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they��re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[lovelylogans]

PRINCESS BRIDE AU

BC I CAN also i just rewatched it and it’s one of my fav movies so

LOGICALITY/PRINXIETY BUCKLE IT UP

please. please. y’all already know roman is buttercup. upcoming royal??? yeah it’s roman, obvi

westley is virgil. 1. bc he was socially awkward to the point of throwing himself down a hill as a way to communicate to his former love that he’s actually alive, 2. westley’s snark is iconic

logan is inigo. bc he studied for years and years under the greatest swordsmen. like, canonically. boy is inigo. 

patton is fezzik. partially bc i like the idea of gentle giant patton and partially bc of the way he nursed everyone back to health (inigo from drunk stuff, westley from death) and also like he’s so soft and gentle and the end where he gets two white horses???? it’s patton y’all

deceit is humperdinck. on a related note, please let deceit’s canon name be on the level of ridiculousness of humperdinck @ thomas and co i’m begging

vizzini is uhhh. uh. hm. you know what. full absurdity here it’s the dragon witch (you know how the dragon witch was like a throwaway character except i’m basically shoehorning her into every fic i have?)

(the magician and his wife who resurrect westley are now joan and talyn, i don’t make the rules, except i do)

also tw mentions of suicide, and also torture 

ACTUAL PLOT UNDER CUT

so! roman as the slightly bratty upcoming lord of the land or whatever on the farm, and virgil as the farmboy

virgil is a Useless Gay and as such whenever roman asks him to do anything he just “as you wish” and tries hard not to be too obvious about staring at him and covers up his affection with snark

roman, who is an Equally Useless Gay, just kinda. keeps giving virgil these useless commands (”farmboy! ....um. hand me those reigns!” “...the ones... you’re holding?” “THE OTHER REIGNS” “....as you wish”)

eventually roman does a “farmboy. fetch me that pitcher.” and virgil does and whispers “as you wish” and roman grabs him by his lapels and brings him in for a kiss

virgil however fully recognizes that he has to up his social class in order to be with roman so he goes sailing before they can marry but the dread pirate anx attacks

roman is devastated, ofc, and makes the “i’ll never love again” vow

let’s do the time warp again!

five years later!

roman’s accepted a proposal from deceit, bc 1. he’s the prince and 2. if he’s gonna be miserable may as well be miserable in a high social standing, right

plus he always kinda dreamed of being a prince as a kid, didn’t he? maybe this way he can enact some change

it is hard to remember such things when he is trotted out in the public square like a prize goat, but he clings to it regardless

except!

he goes out riding (one of the only things he still loved) before the wedding and gets knocked out by the dragon witch and co.

logan and his husband fiancé boyfriend (?) patton have mostly accepted this job bc they need money, and keep accepting the job bc... well, money

logan swears they’ll get out of it and he’ll find the six-fingered man, and patton doesn’t like the unscrupulousness of it but. well. they have to eat somehow

and he debates with the dragon witch about and he goes “you were not hired for brains!” “but i was,” logan says coolly, sharpening his sword. “and if you speak to him like that again, you’ll see precisely the other reason you hired me.”

yeah they don’t like it

anyways logan starts the fast/alas harm/charm rhyme game with patton to cheer him up. and then they keep it up bc it annoys the dragon witch

roman wakes up and logan notices someone following him (spoiler it’s virgil) and the dragon witch threatens roman. everyone on the boat hates the dragon witch, basically

but roman jumps into the shrieking eel-infested waters, swimming to the boat, bc as miserable as he is he doesn’t wanna be murdered for a war

patton ends up smacking the eel on the nose and bringing roman into the boat, huddling over him protectively and asking if he’s okay

roman gives him a why would you care look, and patton gives him some extra food as sympathy

the CLIFFS of INSANITY!!

and patton climbs them all up, shortly followed by the Mysterious Masked Man

“INCONCEIVABLE!!” and the dragon witch cuts the rope, and the masked man managed to cling to the rocks

the dragon witch makes to leave logan behind and patton looks anxious and logan smiles and shakes his head and says “i’ll be fine” “just... be careful, okay? people in masks can’t be trusted” and they kiss and the dragon witch urges patton and roman on

basically as soon as the dragon witch is out of earshot logan calls down to him

“slow going?” “look, i don’t mean to be rude, but this isn’t as easy as it looks. i’d appreciate if you didn’t distract me.” “sorry.” “thank you”

five seconds later... “i don’t suppose you could speed things up?” “look, if you’re in such a hurry, you could throw down some rope or something?” “well i’m not sure if you’d accept. i mostly want you to speed up so i can fight you. potentially to the death.” “...that does put a damper on our relationship.”

ten seconds later... “look, okay, i’ll throw down the rope, and step back from it.” “why do you want to help me so bad?” “well, that sword you’re carrying.” and then he goes on a tirade of how that exact blade and how beat up it is etc. is evidence of a good swordsman and it’s been  a g e s  since logan’s had a good duel

“...all right, fine. anyone told you, you talk too much?” “i could rescind that rope offer--” “on seCOND THOUGHT”

so virgil reaches the top and logan offers him a breather until they duel, and logan lays out his backstory in all kinds of matter-of-fact language

he tells the story of the six-fingered man after virgil catches him looking closely at his hands, and explains that he went from studying sword-making to sword-fighting after the death of his father, along with the twin scars on his face

he also explains the whole “we’re working with the witch to pay the bills” kind of thing and also patton

“you seem a decent fellow. i hate to kill you.” “you seem a decent fellow. i hate to die.”

do yourself a favor watch the swordfight again it’s glorious (that link also includes the inigo/westley convo)

logan, a nerd, lists off the routines. virgil, also a nerd, offers counterpoints

it’s the debate, basically. it’s their debate but with swords

“who are you?” “no one of consequence.” “i must know.” “get used to disappointment.”

logan gets his sword knocked out of his hand, and very matter-of-factly says “kill me quickly. and tell patton--tell patton--”

“i’m not going to kill you, for goodness sake’s. i’ve never had an equal like this. however, i can’t have you following me, either.” and whacks logan over the head

meanwhile, they see virgil coming up over the hill, and the dragon witch takes roman and leaves patton (who is worrying VERY MUCH as if he got past logan then--)

virgil comes up over the hill to a rock thrown at him and smashed very near his head. he whirls around, bringing up the sword, and patton emerges from behind the rock, another rock uplifted.

“what did you do with logan?!”

“he’s alive, just unconscious.”

“oh thank god,” and he lowers the rock, beaming. “this business is so dangerous the only reason we stick with it is because we’re broke” “well, understandable. i did the same for five years.”

“...so, uh, what now?” “i just kinda figured. well. i don’t want that nice prince to die. if you’re trying to save him, you can knock me out. i’ll kneel to make it easier for you, if you like.” “well that’s very kind of you”

ft. battle of iocaine powder, with a blindfolded roman, and virgil smirking as the dragon witch rattles off the varieties of reasoning (”you fell victim to one of the classic blunders!”) and eventually swaps glasses and dies anyways

virgil crosses over and unties the blindfold

“who are you?” “no one to trifle with. and that’s all you need to know.” “to think--yours was poisoned!” “no. i’ve spent the past five years building up an immunity to iocaine powder.”

eventually virgil lets roman stop to catch his breath and roman promises ransom, adding that deceit is a fantastic tracker

“you admit to me you do not love your fiancé” “he knows i do not love him” “are not capable of it, you mean” and roman draws himself up to his full height

“i have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream--”

virgil snarls and pulls roman along, keeping going before they get caught by deceit

eventually roman snaps that he knows he’s the dread pirate anx, admit it! and virgil does, and roman snarls that he can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces, etc etc etc

virgil, kind of testing him, asks about the love that he apparently killed. who is “poor and perfect, with the most beautiful eyes” and they bicker more and more, virgil saying “i remember this farm boy, i think.” and talking a game about how he died well and said “please. please, i need to live.” because he had true love

they bicker more and more and roman screams “i DIED that day!” and they see deceit’s horses, and roman snarls “you can die too for all i care before shoving him down the hill

“AAAAAS..... YOUUUUUUU... WIIIIIIIIISH”

and roman immediately throws himself down the hill after him

deceit realizes they’re heading to the fire swamp

roman and virgil have their sappy reunion “you’re alive! if you want, i can fly!” and the “death cannot stop true love. only delay it for a while” 

and then... fire swamp

roman gets a bit singed by the fire, and virgil explains how he took the dread pirate anx is actually multiple people; ryan, cummerbund, etc etc, while carrying roman through the forest. and then he sets him down and basically immediately roman gets sucked into lightning sand, and then the rous’

they make it out of the fire swamp and straight into deceit’s calvalcade, ft. six-fingered man

“you mean you wish to surrender to me? very well, i accept”

but also roman sees them trying to kill virgil and basically surrenders so they promise not to hurt him

“i thought you were dead once. it almost destroyed me. i can’t do it again.” and deceit whisks him onto his horse before he can say a proper goodbye to virgil

virgil gets knockt out and taken to the pit of despair

(fun fact: the henchperson in the pit of despair in the movie terrified me so much as a kid, oh my god)

anyways they clean his wounds and basically prep him for the Death Machine

roman, meanwhile, is moping quietly around the castle, as deceit basically covers for it with his father’s failing health. roman has stress dreams and nightmares about the wedding, before he marches to deceit’s office and declares that he will be dead by the morning after their wedding

deceit simpers that he could never cause roman grief, and they’ll alert virgil’s ship, etc., all that, and casts some shade, but roman stays strong. eventually they make a deal that if virgil wants roman, sure, but if not, please consider deceit as an alternative to death.

deceit reveals that he hired the dragon witch, as they walk to the pit of despair, and the six-fingered man starts virgil up on the Torture

after that, logan and patton (since reunited) are having a merry old time knocking people out in the thieves’ forest and avoiding arrest, when patton at last reveals the discovery of the six-fingered man

CHANGE OF PLANS, logan declares, and basically drags patton into this plan. he also needs, well, another swordsman, so he may as well go looking for...

virgil! who is Suffering, highkey, when deceit struts into the room. roman has since figured out his letters to virgil haven’t been sent, and he is. Angry About It, which makes deceit Angry at him and roman has basically been locked away until the wedding

back to virgil! as deceit is ranting about the true love, which is a once in a century ordeal, and so deceit snarls “then no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will” and cranks the machine up to fifty

and uh. he ded y’all

not before screaming loud enough for basically the whole country to hear, including logan and patton!

who move towards the screaming, and are basically like “well, we’re in the middle of a forest, now what” until they stumble along the henchperson, who gets Knocked soundly along the head until he reveals the pit

they cart out virgil’s body to joan and talyn, and logan basically tells them that it would greatly displease deceit and so they have their whole thing (and TO BLAAAVE, which means to bluff! and rewatch the whole situation because it’s so funny and also like. oh my god. joan and talyn as miracle max and valerie)

so they get him the little chocolate covered miracle pill and haul virgil out

“bye bye, boys! have fun storming the castle!”

they feed him the miracle pill, but, uh, virgil’s physicality is....... incredibly limited

“let me explain! no, there’s too much. roman’s marrying deceit’s in less than half an hour. so we gotta break into the castle. and i have to kill count rogen.”

“great. the only trouble is i can’t move and there are sixty guards on that door”

basically they come up with the whole, like, demon entrance plan, which is hilarious, and come upon the head guard

“give us the gate key.” “i have no gate key.” “i see. patton, tear his arms off.” “oh you mean this gate key!”

wedding is happening, which.

“mawwaige..... mawwage is what bwings us togezzer... today.”

oh my god. oh my god it’s the precursor to the hewwo meme

anyways they keep talking “wuvvvvv.... TWU wuv!” and deceit snaps they speed up for it and they get the shortest vows ever

deceit gets roman taken to the honeymoon suite by his parents and he goes racing out to face virgil, logan, and patton, who is carrying virgil

in comes the six-fingered man, and six guards, who logan slays with ease

“hello. my name is logan sanders. you killed my father. prepare to die.”

dude fuckin sprints outta there, and logan follows

meanwhile, patton continues calmly carrying virgil until logan starts shouting for him to break down a door

patton gently installs virgil into the arms of a knight thing and stops logan from basically knocking his head against the door, before punching it down for him, and going back to get virgil

roman’s being escorted by the queen, who he gently kisses on the cheek

“what was that for?”

“you’ve always been so kind to me. and i’ll be killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.”

“....won’t that be nice. HE KISSED ME!”

logan has his Badass Fight and gets jabbed pretty bad in the stomach, but not before enacting his awesome revenge

roman dully enters the suite, and preps to stab himself in the chest, until he hears a voice from the bed

“there are very few perfect chests in the world. it’d be a pity to damage yours.”

“VIRGIL! OH, VIRGIL!”

and he rushes to kiss and hug him, and basically virgil reveals he can’t move all that much right now and is in a fair bit of pain

“won’t you forgive me?” “what did you do?” “i got married” “well, did you say i do?” “well... no.” “then you didn’t get married. don’t you agree, highness?”

and roman whirls around to see deceit

and virgil gives the badass to the pain speech

god it’s so. yes.

and virgil manages to stumble to his feet and hold out his sword, snarling “drop. your. sword.”

it’s scary enough that deceit basically immediately forfeits, and roman ties him up, beaming

logan stumbles into the room, holding his stomach “where’s patton?!” “i thought he was with you!” 

and they hear patton calling from the window, beaming and holding the reigns to four white horses

and they uh... happily ever after, running away together, to Be Gay and Do Crime

[jeonmefortae-blog]

What If? (BTS Q&A)

Hey my lovelies, HAPPY SUNDAY! Hope you all had a great day whether you are stressing out >< or whether you are having holidays. Good new is, if you are living in Malaysia, you will have Gawai holidays! (or only Sarawak for that matter?) 

But anyways! Thanks guys for leaving me ‘What If’ questions to answer on instagram. I find this really fun as i saw a lot of people doing this on instagram! It would be really nice to know what would you do if you got caught up with your favorite celebrity nice to know about your thoughts on something as well! Anywayy, i want to thank you guys deeply again. 

So basically, my ‘What If’ questions are about BTS in general! Like for example: ‘What if i met Jungkook?’ 

So shall we start?

^^ very cute picture or gif above by the way! 

Okay. 

1) What if kookie asked to stay in my house because he doesn’t have any place to stay? - asked by @/pewtaepie 

Answer : 

Omg, this answer got me shook, thanks so much ;-; Okay, OF COURSE i would i mean- but the problem is it would be more awkward because i stil live with my parents. But however, if that is the case then ofc i would still offer him a place to stay, because poor kookie! :( But if i was staying alone (no dirty thoughts here) of course everything would be less awkward because there will be no one around except me. Of course being me, i would be breathless and freak out like a potato. I would REALLY GET HEART ATTACKS. Don’t blame me if i DIE on the spot. Then, once i calmed down i would probably ask him whats the matter! Of course, (i want life to be as good as the fanfics ;) ) Hopefully by him staying at the the house we can be close friends because kookie and i share many similar interests. I would ask him to cook together and do chores together. Go to the mall together and help me with those groceries :’) Oh! and also play piano together with him singing by my side. (and you know hopefully it gets somewhere) JUST JOKING! OFC OBVIOUSLY in reality we have to sleep seperate rooms because if my virginity was lost I WOULD BE DEAD MEAT. My mother would slice my head off :”) lollll sorry the answer was just supposed to be short, but i made it freaking long. 

2) What if you found out you were childhood friends with one of the members of BTS? - asked by @/yourbutterflyy

Answer : 

Holy moly. The answer would be that im very very absolutely shook. I mean out of the blue someone tells me that i am actually connected to them? :’) daebak. Of course, knowing me i cannot sit still. I have to meet my childhood friends because i mean- childhood friends are precious. However even if i meet them they have got to remember me right? :D  If our memories were rooted very deeply or in the case that maybe he got amnesia, i would ofc try and help to recover his memories :’) And me myself would try and remember all the things we did together and then as we reunite we would have many things to talk about and so that we can recreate these memories together again :’) 

3) What if you had to choose a BTS song that you have to sing in your life forever? - asked by @/namjinmochi 

Answer: 

WOW. I had a hard time thinking of this one. But i would choose ‘Butterfly’. Its the song i fell in love at first sight. BTS songs are mainly really catchy and energizing and there are less ballads (won’t really call this a ballad) (i think its a cross between a ballad, and hiphop?) but this song gave me FEELS. IMMENSE FEELS. I cried when listening to just the instrumental version, and don’t mention the prologue. The prologue got me bawling and i could hear the butterfly instrumental in the background. ;-; This song gives me feels that can break my heart but at the same time heal it. Its like a lullaby that heals my tired and weary heart. The melody of it is very easy to remember and so its pretty chilly and cool when you can easily hum its melody :’) another song is probably run (ballad ver) i cried literally! those high notes hit my heart & also Spring Day. the lyrics are really meaningful and its a melody that you will remember for quite a long time. 

4) What if you had to choose one song BTS sang to you? - asked by @/unnati_8230 

Answer: 

Hmm like the previous question, one of my fav songs is Butterfly so i would love them to sing that :’) because i really want to see their passionate faces when they sing this song. its really aesthetically pleasing. 

5) What if i found BTS living a block down from me? - asked by @/taes_suga_kookie 

Answer: 

ASDFGHJKL!!! WOAHH WOAHHH okay. I need to chill. Like this, i am practically good as being their neighbours! Being a good citizen i would probably send some gifts for the new comers :’) because i mean its BTS and of course i have a high chance of seeing them so i want to do good deeds as their fan! Of course, if i had the chance i might even get invited to their house, but due to manyyy privacy reasons i would also try to limit myself, because their neighbourhood might be flooded with fans, and i hate crowds so... advantages and disadvantages. (the neighbourhood would be filled with screaming fangirls) but hey at least i fulfil my wishes right? :’) i am already pretty fortunately staying close to them. maybe i hope we can all be good friends too haha! there would be soooo many things to talk about. 

6) What if you became BTS’ new manager? - asked by @/bangtanfamfic 

Answer: 

OMFG WHYYY OMG AHHH - ;-; umm umm of course i would be freaking happy for this job offer like- omg! BTS’ manager its like the best job on earth :”) however being a new manager i should not attract much attention. Also, i think i need to toughen myself up because of all the fans who love to push people. I cannot be fragile on this job :’) but i am willing to learn. But things like planning schedules and doing things for the boys is a-okay! IT WOULD BE HEAVEN. I would get to talk to them everyday, and there are so many opportunities for us to get close and ofc i would get to see them in their everyday lives (it would be pretty interesting) because all i can see is them outwardly on stage and everything- but not like behind the scenes. I want to see yoongi working on music, i want to see them practicing and everything! :’) ofc, i want the previous manager to teach me many things as well! SEJIN OPPA! TASUKETE. (LOL Y JAPANESE HAHAH) 

7) What if you found out that your bias is actually studying in the same school as you? - @/preciousbngtn 

Answer: 

Hi i love you Christina and i will answer this question HAHAHAHA. BUT OI OMGGGG- If Jungkook was studying in the same school as me i would be shook asf you know. I WOULD FLIP. Obviously i want to introduce myself to him like ‘welcome to this school im rachel’ or something like that. BUT I BET THERE WILL BE SO MANY GIRLS GOING AFTER HIM  which leaves me out a chance :’) because i am always super slow hahaha! if its like this, i won’t really bother until i see him with no one. I don’t want to cause a ruckus either :’) (ill be a good girl thank you) i want to treat him like a normal classmate and friend. the rest can be all up to fate :’) of course it will be a distraction in class!!! i will not be able to pay attention damn it. 

8) What if i was BTS’ girlfriend? - asked by @/ttaevmin_ 

Answer:

OMFG!!!! OKAY UHM I CAN’T BREATHE. Okay, let me start with each member. Because you said BTS, so i will just cover members one by one. 

If i was Namjoon’s girlfriend, we would sure talk to endless hours because i believe i can talk comfortably with him, maybe even learn new things together :’) and he can teach me many new things as well! I am sure there’s lots of things to share! our dates can be anywhere! 

If i was Jin’s girlfriend we would soooo go grocery shopping together and cook amazing stuff for the boys :’) we would scold the bangtan kids together muahaha! ofc, because we share our common love for pink we can fight people who hate pinkeu :’D and ofc our date can be something simple like just stay at home and eat each others food! (i don’t mind!) 

If i was Yoongi’s girlfriend, i would try to get his ass out of bed, cheer him up with my wierdness and optimism. (we are total opposites btw) i will cheer him and motivate him daily as thats what he may need? (i will make sure i see his gummy smile) And because i love to compose, i would also do lots of composing works with him :’) i would soooo drag him out of the house and have fun HAHAHAHA but its a win win situation, at times i would just stay at the house if he wants too! however, on days 

If i was Hoseok’s girlfriend, that would be heaven on earth because Jhope is mostly similar to me. I am positive and optimistic, always happy,bubbly and friendly. We would so laugh at a lot of things and entertain the boys and be second hand embarassments as well :’) our dates can be anything! i mean- i believe hoseok seems like a very mature man to me.  

If i was Jimin’s girlfriend, i would treasure this little precious mochi :’) i would treasure him more than i treasure myself. Because his sweetness is no joke, it needs to be soooo protected. i would proabably cause lots of embarassment to him anyday, HAHAHAH but my main goal would just to be a good girlfriend and give him lots of love. Our dates can be anywhere! im not picky :) 

If i was Taehyung’s girlfriend, that would be heaven on earth as well. because uhmm character wise i am like Taehyung as well and also because taehyung’s ideal type is very much like me. i would get along with him pretty well and i think taehyung will be reaally sweet and also a protective boyfriend :’) i can very much imagine that he will love his girl til death and so being his girlfriend i would love him wholeheartedly and give him my all. 

Lastly. If I WAS MY BIAS’ GIRLFRIEND. 

If i was Jeon freaking Jungkook’s girlfriend i won’t think i will able to live for even a second. The moment i saw his smile i immediately knew that there was something about him. and from that moment, we actually have lots in common (except the fact that he is good at everything) being his girlfriend would be really humurous and funny as i feel like i am dating someone near my age. (he is just one year older than me) i think we will share lots in common and we will have many things to say as well! i don’t care if he is not good with dates or girls, i just want him to be jungkook. :’) our dates can be anywhere! but since he loves the beach we can take a drive down to the beach and hold hands in the sunset like how romantic right??!! i would live to see his cute smile anyday and i will do my best and my all to see him genuinely happy with me :’) not because he is my bias but because i love him as he is. 

9) What if Yoonmin isn’t real?- asked by @/lustyoongi 

^^ OII HOTNESS OMFG

Answer:

I WOULD FLIP. IMMA PACK MY BAGS AND GO TO KOREA AND SEE WHAT’S WRONG jokes i cannot do that but IMMA PACK MY BAGS AND GO TO KOREA. And i am not leaving until i attend all their fansigns and get them back to shape :’) anti climax : on the side of reality i would be really devasted and just cry tissues away. 

10) What if BTS had given up from the beginning? - asked by @/hoseoklq

^^ this is so funny like omfg 

Answer: 

To be honest, if they have given up i won’t be as crazy and wierd as i am now. BTS has been a factor that pushed me to become a stronger person. They are people that inspire and admire me. If they had given up i would no longer acquire this strength. BTS all in all is my happy pill, just seeing them brightens up my day. it will be a huge mistake if their group wasn’t there anymore :’( there would be a hole that kpop is missing out on. then they wouldn’t know what they would be able to achieve and how much their fans adore them. BTS’ music leaves a strong impact on the young generation. Not just the lyrics and music but also their power and image that they bring. BTS is also known as a group filled with members of different unique personalities and together they are the most beautiful moments of our lives :’) teens need to know a lot about youth and they need someone to speak up for them and to tell them ‘i know, i have gone through this, but its gonna be okay. ‘not today. today we fight.’ they need message of love and strength. thats why BTS is a group that i feel is close to me even if they are miles away. 

and finally, if they had given up, IMMA PACK MY BAGS TO KOREA. (lol why am i like this) LIKE YOU AINT GONNA LEAVE LIKE THIS BISH (JOKESS) 

11) What if Jungkook wants to be my secret admirer/what if he admirers me? - asked by @/kookienochu  

Answer: 

oKAY...OMG. Uhm, of course i cannot stop him from ‘liking’ me but it depends. Speaking from reality point of view, i don’t really believe in love at first sight unless love builds up through genuine relationships, but if he likes me i would totally feel the same way. but if we aren’t really close yet i always suggest to be my friends first :’)  but if he already knows me so well, then i think i will be ready to be his girl. I mean i may like him and all but in the end, relationships need to be genuine in order for true love to exist. i mean- no matter how much  i claim to love him, i would only like the idea of dating him, but that doesn’t mean i love him. Okay, so if i was already his really good friend and he knows me like so damn well, obviously i am ready to start this relationship. There needs to be a perfect timing and a perfect bang! to it. Even so, i need to know that whatever obstacles may pass, we must sort it out rationally and not just fight and break up for stupid reasons. Moreover, i would really feel grateful, because i was always called ugly in school, so its good to know that he finds me beautiful in my own ways. :’) remember guys, its not love just because your heart always beats around a person. its not just love if you are crushing on love. love withstands time and it takes lots of time and effort to accept someone and know their flaws and accept them still :-) 

lol i would save love talk for later. I am considered a ‘love doctor’ by my classmates and i always give ‘advice’ so if you want you can always DM in my instagram! :) 

And that is all folks! 

Do follow me on instagram if you want its @/kookiemonstae! 

If you want me to do more stuff like these you can always suggest and leave comments for more!