#even if he may not have suffered physical trauma emotional is still valid

[jeremysknoxes]

continuing on wylan, the other crows (exception jesper) all have physical trauma as well as emotional scarring, and because wylan comes from a rich family, it's easy for them to write him off as spoiled.

I mean just look at this-

even at the end of ck or in row, no one except for wylan himself knows the extent of his trauma. kaz and inej know about the letters, and van dick putting his mom in the nursing home (or whatever that was), but they don't know about his father calling him worthless and useless for most of his life

edit: @sxnderwitch pointed out than van eck says he “tried beatings” on wylan at the end of soc as well, and the other crows were given physical trauma by someone not close to them but he was literally beat and verbally abused by his piece of shit father

[conduitandconjurer]

Is Klaus an introvert or an extrovert?

Klaus is the consummate extravert! I'd die on this hill!

It can be confusing to decide which he is because most of the time we're told (mistakenly) that outgoing people are always extraverts and shy people are always introverts. It's actually more like this: extraverts derive energy from being with other people, and introverts derive energy from spending some time alone. As an introvert, I the mun am horrified by the concept of not having multiple hours per day completely alone, in quietude, recharging my social battery. Other TUA characters who fit this description include, among others, Five, Viktor and Diego.

Klaus, on the other hand, becomes incredibly depressed and anxious if left to his own devices for more than a few hours at a time. As much as Umbrella!Ben's constant presence began to grate, it was ideal for Klaus to have his more timid and troubled sibling by his side nonstop since childhood. In Ben's absence, Klaus suffers emotionally even more than the average person grieving a loss because suddenly his mind is quiet and vacant of any voice but his own.

He's also seen consistently gravitating toward the company of siblings when they would rather cut their losses and be alone, and although this (as well as his need for physical touch) is tied into the trauma of his powers/abilities, it's also a symbol of his urge to be social and his comfort in absorbing into a gathered crowd: figurative or literal. His charisma and emotional intelligence make him a natural leader in many ways, but he doesn't really want to be one (see his exasperated and deeply uncomfortable response to the accidental cult he formed as a short-term solution to being stranded in the 60s): that's different from the question of intro/extraversion because it's to do more with dominance and submission than solitude and company.

Klaus has felt alone and isolated since childhood (thanks for the very specific strain of trauma, Reg) and derives both energy and identity from interacting with other people: and promoting other people to be their best selves, in turn. As amusing as it may seem, given that he's an addict with utterly unaddressed neurodivergency who comes across as a disorganized, flaky disaster, Klaus actually has phenomenal natural skills as a counselor or life coach, which also pairs well with his extraversion. That he's charming, conflict-avoidant, and nonjudgmental only feeds this natural trait.

On the downside, Klaus can also mistake his own extraversion as evidence that he needs to seek approval and validation from a source outside himself. He becomes so desperate for said validation that he turns to (a version of) his own serial abuser, his father, for the training and the verbal confirmation that he has worth, that he has a higher purpose. Many fans cite Klaus's "addictive personality" and his "weakness" as the reasons for "bus-ball" and the cemetery and eventually suicide in the White Buffalo Room (though this last one was an act of reclaimed agency), saying Reginald is his "new addiction" where drugs and booze no longer are (??? he's still using in s3, actually, folks) and I feel like, well, yes and no, and can we not assign negative morality to it? It's simply a factual observation about his personality that Klaus looks for "proof" that he matters in other people, and that being extraverted augments this tendency. And it's a tragic trait, yes, that hopefully, in time, he will learn to overcome.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw// teen pregnancy scare, light mention of sex

I just need to let this out i feel so alone.

Uhm. I'm horrified. For context, I'm in high school. I have an older boyfriend and we had intercourse twice recently. He was my first. We didn't use protection, he pulled out. I'm not sure why I agreed. It's so stupid. I guess I'm just young and naive. I've been hypesexual my entire life and just needed to feel something.

I'm supposed to get my period tomorrow though it tends to be one or two days late at times. I've been sick, like a cough/virus which has nothing to do anything but now i can't figure out if my symptoms are overlapping with..early pregnancy. Because generally when i cough a lot my gag activates, I've had that problem since covid and the pandemic. So if I throw up i have no proof of what it is. I'm also supposed to be in PMS which would explain the symptoms AGAIN and my paranoia as I get really really emotional at this time. So now i have to suffer and wait out the next few days.... My bf knows and I feel bad for stressing him out. I can't tell anybody else i know irl. Obviously because I'm still at school and plus most people don't even know I'm in a relationship, including my parents. My parents think i haven't even had my first kiss and the thought of the possibility of having to break THESE news to them is terrifying.

(slight tw for a mental breakdown here)

When i was looking at early symptoms i was home alone and i had the worst breakdown I've had in over a year or ever actually. I was screaming inside my room. I stared punching my gut hoping that "it'll" just... go away somehow. I can't have this child. I do not want to. Not now. Not ever, actually. I always said I'll never have kids for so many reasons including generational trauma and my own mental issues. I feel kind of sick today but i felt even more yesterday because the night before that I was at a concert and got really tired, and slightly drunk. So many possibilities and I'm paranoid over the worst one. I feel so fucking stupid. If i find out it's true I don't think I could take it. I'd break apart completely.

hello this is the pregnancy person again. I would like to update. I realized that i cloud be having an anti-placebo (or nocebo) effect from the fear of pregnancy. Because as soon as i read that i felt better physically. And the more i read about the symptoms yesterday the more i "noticed them". Now I'm just hungry because i didn't eat lunch yet. No nausea. And then another thing happened.. I saw blood on my underwear. And now i have no idea if my period is early or if that's early pregnancy bleeding… Of fuck me here we go again. I'm losing my mind and patience…

hey, pregnancy anon here. Got my period. We're good.

Hi anon,

Please know that your concerns about what happened are absolutely valid. It's common to become very health conscious and worry when you rely on the pullout method, especially when you begin to notice signs that you may be pregnant (although it sounds like you aren't, fortunately). This experience highlights the importance of having some kind of protection or contraception during sex, at least so you can have some peace of mind.

I don't know how long you've been with this boyfriend or if either of you have been tested, but because you've had unprotected sex with him, I strongly recommend looking into getting tested for STIs. Even if you aren't showing any symptoms, some STIs can lie dormant in your system and you can also become a carrier (meaning you carry the STI and can transmit it but don't show symptoms). I know you said you're in high school so if you're 18 you may be able to book an appointment with an OBGYN yourself. If you're under 18, your school nurse may have some recommendations.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[rank-sentimentalist]

(from the article)

Alice, Darling, directed by Mary Nighy from a script by Alanna Francis, is the rare film to depict the battering of the psyche, let alone one which deftly and accurately depicts the corrosive, insidious effect of coercive control absent the evidence of physical abuse. Simon never hits her, a point which Alice uses to discount the seriousness of her situation to her two best friends. “But he doesn’t hurt me though,” she insists to Tess and Sophie (Wunmi Mosaku), who too slowly realize the extent to which Simon’s yawning insecurities and possessiveness have erased Alice’s sense of self and autonomy. The film smartly prioritizes effect over cause, resisting the trap of litigating just how toxic Simon’s behavior was nor the escape hatch of “it wasn’t that bad.” We see snippets of his manipulations but mostly how it manifests in Alice: the way she obsessively buffs her body into near hairlessness, recites ominous facts about sugar, rehearses a lie about seeing her friends to escape his judgement, treats sex as responsibility rather than pleasure. The way she expunges a flirty waiter’s number from a napkin like she’s bleaching blood, lest Simon find it in the trash can.

Watching this accumulation of Alice’s distress reminded me, paradoxically, of the 2014 Rolling Stone article that hinged on the now retracted story of a brutal, bloody gang rape at the University of Virginia. In an attempt to draw attention to campus sexual assault, the journalist sought the most dramatic narrative possible and unwittingly ended up with a fake one, pulled almost line for line from a television episode. The great tragedy of that scandal was that the primacy afforded to that one discredited story – with blood and broken glass and bruises, a laundry list of visible manifestations of pain – overshadowed and ultimately undermined anything that fell short of its extremity. To be believed and to be taken seriously, the logic goes, it has to be so bad as to be indisputable. There’s a cultural desire, bolstered by countless film and television narratives about the worst things that can happen to women, to have trauma validated through physical evidence, violent action or intense drama.

The Rolling Stone saga is an egregious example of the impulse for evidence through extremity (perhaps, subconsciously, why I’m drawn to it); 2014 was a thousand years ago in internet culture time, but most narratives of abuse or violation on-screen are still clearly rendered on the body. (See, again, the many, many shows about murdered women, or the prevalence of the trauma plot.) Shows and films which have grappled with psychological fallout and self-doubt, such as Michaela Coel’s I May Destroy You and HBO’s The Tale, have been rooted in clear-cut (and reality-based) examples of sexual assault or abuse. Very few stories take on the mangled knot of emotional abuse without grounding it in something physically violent, and thus more sinister.

This makes the restraint of Alice, Darling all the more remarkable and revelatory – a case for the seriousness of coercive control, in and of itself. To be sure, Kendrick’s Alice suffers visible symptoms from the gnawing stress of her relationship with Simon. The stress of lying to him about seeing her friends, of whom he disapproves, causes her to vomit; the loss of an earring, further evidence of her “badness”, precipitates a viscerally performed, devastating panic attack.

*                      *                      *

“In society, physical abuse is very clearly defined as an evil, and I think psychological and emotional abuse, even for those who have suffered it, can sometimes question whether it’s a real thing,” Nighy told the Los Angeles Times, explaining why she had a scene in which Alice revealed bruises removed from the script. It was a move supported by Kendrick, who has spoken quite gruelingly on her personal experience in an emotionally abusive relationship. “I was begging Mary, ‘Can Alice be the evidence?’” she told the LA Times. “Because not only do I want us to not make a movie that’s already been made, but personally, I need to trust that I’m the evidence. Part of it was like, if you can’t trust Alice, then I can’t trust myself.”

Alice, Darling and the importance of showing emotional abuse on screen | Movies | The Guardian

[fudokaze]

a masterlist of things you probably shouldn’t say to explain why bruce wayne being abusive is “out of character” or not canon to you (made by an abuse victim)

“why would he adopt a child if he didn’t want to take care of them?” or anything related to adoption. saying that implies adoptive parents cannot be abusive, which is wrong on so many levels and invalidates real life abuse victims whose abusers were adoptive. a study once showed at least 18 of russian adopted children by american parents were murdered, and an even bigger number had been abused (this bit was edited after i was corrected — check replies). there is also a case in which three children were abused in prestbury, cheshire by their adoptive parents. these cases and statistics, as well as many more, are all just one google search away. not to mention, bruce didn’t want children, he wanted sidekicks. there's a difference.

“he’s a loving father sometimes!” or anything related to him loving his children. i have talked about this before, most abusers do not know they are abusive. sometimes it’s all they know, after all abuse was (and still is) horribly normalized back in the day, so they may be somewhat normal parents 99% of the time even – but that 1% matters, it is traumatizing and scarring. especially for a child. it is also an abuse strategy, the one to be affectionate and loving just so the person stays for that reason, because the abuse is “worth” the good moments in their mind… and for already traumatized children longing for a parental figure? they’re very easy targets.

“he hates abusers!” or anything related to him having said he would never be an abuser or that he does not support abusers. as previously said, most abusers do not know they are abusive. that is especially valid for psychological or emotional abusers, but it may also go for physical abusers – because “if i hit my child just a few times, it’s not abuse” or “it’s discipline”. again, it may be how they were raised, and to them it is completely normal. but murdering a child or sending them to school crying and covered in bruises – that’s the more widely recognized as unacceptable type of abuse, which is the kind the oblivious abusers tend to be against. and they will excuse their actions because “this is not abuse, you are lucky you’re not being abused like those children”. and honestly if you think someone saying they wouldn’t do something is proof they wouldn’t actually do it, you must be very naive.

“when x happened, they were adults!” or anything implying adults cannot be abused by their parents. while parental abuse is different in children and in adults, it is still abuse nonetheless. if your parent hits you (and it isn’t out of self defence – and even then their reaction should be proportional to your offence), they are abusive. end of the story. your age is not a factor in deciding whether or not they are actually abusive. this invalidates all adult parental abuse victims, which are out there. they exist, and they are valid. said abuse can be both physical, as seen in this article, and psychological or emotional, as seen in this other article. usually, parents who were abusive in your childhood will likely keep being abusive even after you become an adult, as seen in this article too.

“it’s because of his trauma!” or anything related to his trauma or mental illness justifying his actions. i cannot stress this enough: trauma & mental illness as explanations, but not excuses. that is especially not the case if, after an episode – say perhaps a rage attack, there is no apology on their part. i suffer from tourette’s (which is not a mental illness, but a neurological disorder – but still) and that, for me, also causes me to get really angry for no reason at times, but if that happens then i will apologize if that ended up affecting anyone else. several abusers were victims of abuse themselves, or they have untreated trauma, or they have a mental illness: that does not mean what they do is right. it still hurts and affects other people, and it isn't right to simply let them off the hook because of their trauma. it isn't and never will be an excuse to traumatize somebody else.

“then why would the kids love and admire him? they aren’t stupid!” or anything related to his children loving & admiring him. first of all, someone admiring or loving their abuser does not make them stupid. secondly, several abuse victims do not know they are victims – similarly to how several abusers do not know they are abusers. this is especially the case in psychological and emotional abuse, but it may also be the case in physical abuse due to the extreme representation of it in the media, as previously explained in the previous points. not only that, but in many abuse strategies, being loving and caring is part of the cycle, and even abuse victims who are aware they are victims may end up believing the abuse is worth the good times, or that since they are usually so nice, then they deserve the abuse the times it does happen.

[maschotch]

honestly, do you think jj is a good mother?

that is.. an interesting question. a loaded question, but interesting nonetheless. 

yes and no. i’ve talked about jj as a mother a little here already, but idk it’s difficult to make a judgment like that. like.. what are we considering “good” here? bc imo there are very few good parents in the world, and none of them are in the bau (except morgan), but i mean… she loves her kids, she feeds them, she houses them, she clothes them, she meets all their basic needs—which is more than a lot of (maybe not a lot but still far too many) parents

if we find the happy medium between those two sets of standards, i still think the answer would be no. i think she wants to be a good mom. i think she thinks she’s a good mom. but i also know that she’s very resistant to criticism and would likely get defensive rather than actually reevaluate her behavior. 

i’ve vaguely talked about jj’s self esteem issues before, and i think it comes into play here, albeit in a slightly different way. i think she suffers from imposter’s syndrome—particularly in the first couple seasons. in a way it makes sense: she is undoubtedly the least qualified of the team, but she doesn’t have the same job as them so the standards are a bit different. she knows that, but i think she still feels this need to prove herself. particularly when it comes to being in the field. 

she’s definitely the most traditionalist compared to the rest… even tho she resents her upbringing, she still can’t shake loose a lot of those values. as such, she’s overly critical of herself when it comes to typical ~female gender roles~ like being overly emotional or not being as physically/emotionally/psychologically strong (like in birthright when everything hotch is trying to tell her about how feeling things is completely normal goes right over her head, or in revelations when she takes an off-handed comment by emily that wasn’t even about her personally as some sort of critique on how she’s handling the trauma she’s currently going through) 

so when she becomes a mother, she suddenly lives up to a very significant, highly lauded ~gender role~. it’s validating, and the one thing she has that the others don’t (i mean hotch is a dad but i don’t think jj thinks he’s a good father (and like.. she’s not wrong)), so of course she clings to that one part of her until it becomes her whole identity. i mean this whole thing is the result of sexist writing, which is unfortunate, but it makes for an interesting (and hateable) character arc as we see a character develop without necessarily getting better. anyway, the point is that it’s something she feels she can be proud of (which is fine!) and values a lot (also fine!) 

while at first glance it may seem like a mindset of a devoted mother, her pride crosses over into arrogance, which leads to a defensive attitude. again, this is someone who’s been criticized her whole life, constantly feeling like she’s being watched. she thinks she’s a good mother because she has to, otherwise, what does she have left? jj’s stubbornness makes her resistant to any differing opinions, isolating her even further and emphasizing the shiny veneer she’s placed over her life (even though the others can see through it)

again, i’ve already talked about ways jj struggles with the reality of parenthood in that other post. to summarize: jj’s childhood and shitty relationship with her own mom gives her a complex that she either can’t or won’t acknowledge. instead, she passes it along to her son by making the same mistakes—like not talking about rosaline—even if it’s for different reasons

it’s clear she loves her children, but i think she’s too caught up in her own issues to actually focus on their wellbeing in a satisfactory way. she tries, but she refuses to learn, and ultimately i don’t think that’s a healthy environment to grow up in. it’s probably fine while henry and michael are young, but i think adolescence is going to be a struggle for both of them. 

[ellewriteswrongs]

tw: SA

honestly, I think the best way for them to handle the allison and luther SA situation in the next season is for either a side effect of the rumors or the reset of the universe to cause him to have no memory of what happened. I think the only way the move forward with it would be for allison to be the one to not only make an effort to make things ‘right’ with him, but to show that even if he doesn’t remember it, she is willing to come clean about it on her own and show that she knows it isn’t right to sweep it under the rug. just like luther’s confession of his physical assault and abuse towards viktor that he apologizes for in the beginning of s2.

I think she needs to come clean and let him look at it objectively, no tears, no siblings present, no outside influence. she has every right to decide not to forgive viktor and luther should be able to have a choice whether or not to forgive her and have her be forced to accept whatever that decision may be. her getting everything back that she wanted would be kind of a cop out if there wasn’t at least some things that she couldn’t fix. she chose her family with ray and claire over her siblings and she has every right to make that choice, but she should face the consequences.

I just think the most important thing would be for her to admit to it as exactly what it was. that she used him and she committed a horrific invasion of his body, but she didn’t do it to be cruel to him. that doesn’t excuse it, but the writers should acknowledge that she didn’t do it because she wanted to be malicious towards him. was it cruel and undeniably inappropriate? absolutely. is it luther’s decision whether or not it’s unforgivable? yes.

I can’t personally imagine myself forgiving someone who manipulated me into SA, but I’ve also never been in that situation, I’ve never known someone who went through that kind of trauma, and I can’t predict what allison’s acknowledgement of what happened might mean to him. im acutely aware, however, at the permanent effects severe trauma can do to someone’s logical reasoning and I think it’s very critical that they acknowledge that allison’s state of mind was not the same as it was prior. not that she didn’t have control over her actions because she very much did, but that her mental capacity both for emotions and logic has been brutally impacted by what she went through.

I do think there’s a way to move on with the show in a way that’s very reflective of real family trauma in which you can harbor very legitimate resentment towards a loved one while acknowledging that you might still care about them in your own way. it’s very real that a single traumatic experience doesn’t always wipe out every good memory you have towards someone and it wouldn’t make him any less valid if he did have the desire to repair their relationship because of the love that he has for his family. bringing up the concept of not forgiving someone while still caring for them as your family is something a lot of trauma sufferers go through and I really think they should keep as much of the aftermath between the two of them as possible, even if the others find out about it. I would really hate to see the others pressure luther into any sort of feelings towards/opinions of allison when it should unanimously be left up to his reaction alone and the others could easily influence his feelings all over again even if they meant well. luther deserves to have control over the situation. he deserves to be the one calling the shots.

but it needs to be acknowledged for what it is and what it meant from both sides.

[redphlox]

How Touya can be Saved

I’ve talked before about why I think Shouto will save Touya, and now I want to talk about how. No doubt saving the eldest Todoroki child will be a combined family effort, but I want to specifically talk about Shouto’s role in this because it will be the culmination of his character arc. I also want to tie in how Dabi can make himself seen and understood by crying tears of blood in front of his family. Finally receiving validation after desperately needing it his entire life will be the key to his salvation.

As of chapter 298, Shouto already empathizes with Touya; he feels Touya’s hate and even recognizes Dabi is the person Shouto himself was before the Sports Festival. Shouto is extending his empathy and understanding to his brother the same way he reacted to Iida during the Stain arc in chapter 53, “Todoroki to Iida.”

Having empathy for Dabi’s resentment is only the first step in reaching him, though. That shared rage doesn’t completely validate Dabi’s pain as an abuse victim, which is something Shouto has yet to recognize about himself. Shouto’s anger has always been about how Endeavor abused Rei to the point she had to be institutionalized and not how Endeavor isolated him, physically abused him, and robbed him of his childhood. Shouto probably hadn’t stopped to think about how the other Todorokis perceived their family situation because, like most families in this situation, no one talked about the abuse - Shouto even expresses surprise and agreement in 192 when Natsuo confronts Endeavor with the entire family’s pain. Shouto thinks back to the memory of wanting to play with his siblings and realizes that specific day didn't only stay with him but that his siblings remember it and were impacted by it, too.

Like Natsuo, Dabi knows the root cause of their family’s dysfunction was Endeavor, and while he had a problem with what he perceived as each individual member’s blindness to their abuse, he ultimately doesn’t blame the victims and instead assigns all the blame onto Endeavor. Even 10 years later, he still calls Rei ‘okaasan’, Fuyumi ‘Fuyumi-chan’, and Natsuo ‘Natsu-kun’ because he still cares about them and recognizes all of them as victims of a corrupt hero who never set out to be a husband and a father and only used them.

However, Touya's own victimhood has never been validated - in 301 and 302, it was seen that he was the scapegoat for his family, and no matter how much he tried to earn back his father’s approval or call his father out on his unfair treatment, no one was ever on Touya’s side. His mother told him to look away from his father as an example instead of standing up to Endeavor for herself and her children, and Fuyumi and Natsuo were too young to understand and couldn't relate to what Touya went through as Endeavor's prized heir. Touya needs validation that he was abused and neglected. He always has. He still does.

The person in the perfect position to understand what it’s like to be on the receiving end of Endeavor’s impossibly high standards, obsession with surpassing All Might, and quirk training is Shouto. But in order to fully empathize with Dabi and show his brother that he can relate, Shouto needs to acknowledge that he too was a victim. In 292, Dabi basically asks Shouto to validate the pain and suffering Dabi had just exposed in the battlefield, but his question still stands unanswered.

To reach Touya, Shouto also has to show Dabi what kind of person he is - as in, Shouto has to separate himself from Endeavor’s shadow and establish that he too has been holding Endeavor accountable for his actions. We as readers know that Shouto’s entire character arc has been about asking himself, “Who am I?” Often, children who grow up in abusive households struggle with their identity and Shouto is a perfect example of this. This is why he chose his hero name to be his name: Shouto. He’s learning who he is after years of trying so hard to not be his father and becoming exactly like him - cold, distant, tunnel visioned, hateful. It wasn't until he met Inasa that he realized this and wanted to right his wrongs.

Like Inasa, Dabi doesn’t know Shouto at all. Both Inasa and Dabi knew Endeavor and assumed Shouto would be just like him. Inasa had a valid reason to think this of Shouto of course, because Shouto was standoffish and dismissive during the UA entrance exams, but at the time of the provisional license exam Inasa hadn’t learned that Shouto had recognized this toxic side of himself and had begun working towards the kind of person he wants to be. Shouto had to show Inasa the real him, and in a similar way, he will have to prove this to Dabi. Dabi hasn’t seen Shouto struggle with his identity like we the readers have; Dabi only sees his usurper making headlines and willingly interning with Endeavor. He probably assumes Shouto is proudly training to carry their father’s legacy. Dabi isn’t privy to the nuanced relationship Shouto or their siblings have with their father. All Dabi knows is that Endeavor is seeing and paying attention to Shouto and Shouto seemingly submitting. Dabi has no idea THIS is how it really is:

Showing others who he is is a way for Shouto to process his own trauma and establish his identity. As the son of the #2 hero, Shouto has always had to prove himself to others - that he’s not his father. He’s even had to prove this to himself by accepting his fire side and making it his own in spite of his father repeatedly calling him a creation or a masterpiece. Not being like his father is such a defining trait for Shouto that he feels compelled to tell kindergarteners during the re-licensing exam his life story and his trauma. He literally bore his heart out to these kids because he knew he wouldn’t get through to them unless he was genuine. I think he’ll apply this concept to Touya, too.

The thing about Shouto is that, while he hasn’t reconciled with his own status as an abuse victim, he sees himself as a survivor. He sees himself as someone who managed through a difficult situation and wants to help others get through their struggles too. That's why getting through to these kids was so important to him, why he took it so seriously. These were problematic kids, and instead of calling them brats or trying to intimidate or manipulate them, he tries to get down to their level and relate. Notice he emphasizes how much he struggled in school at first, how his relationship with his father is strained - in his mind, it's something these kids may be able to relate to.

Shouto is someone who sets out to understand and make others feel seen and understood. It's what makes him kind. Shouto probably understands why his father abused the entire family - Endeavor's reasons don't excuse him or earn his children's forgiveness, but it's a reason that humanizes him to Shouto. He himself was a cold, bitter person who now believes people can change if given the right opportunity and self-awareness because this is a lesson he's learned from Midoriya and Inasa. This is also something Shouto can grant Touya: understanding, a listening ear, space to be wrong, and a chance to be seen.

Touya wanted and still craves to be seen, and he has to see in return. He has to realize Shouto isn't his father's puppet. He has to relate to Shouto much like Shouto is relating to him. Shouto will have to pull the same move he pulled on those kindergarteners and tell Dabi his struggles, and then show him he’s making his own path different from their father’s and that the family isn’t blindly following Endeavor anymore or letting him do what he wants. Natsuo has stood up to him, Rei has stood up to him, Fuyumi has admitted to herself she had been trying to play a happy family instead of fixing the internal mess - they as a family will have to show Dabi all of this, and he’ll have to wrap his head around it. He has to realize that his family is different from how they were 10 years ago. This is what I mean by allowing Touya space to be wrong - it’s okay for him to be wrong in assuming all these things about Shouto. Shouto won’t judge him for it.

I've talked before about how the narrative framing as of chapter 309 has set up that a person must express their feelings in a socially acceptable manner before they can be a candidate for saving, and that means crying. As soon as Midoriya saw a glimpse of little Tenko crying, he switched his mentality from "I'll never forgive you" to "I want to save that crying boy." When Toga ran away from Ochako crying, Ochako became concerned and curious. Following this pattern, it makes sense that Dabi also has to show his emotions, but it’s complicated because he can’t cry due to his burnt tear ducts. Every time we’ve seen him cry tears of blood, he’s been alone - he’ll have to cry in front of Shouto and the family for it to sink in that all of Dabi’s destruction and hate stems from deep-seated sorrow and feelings of abandonment. The family does not yet know how the fire that killed Touya started, and they have no idea that Touya’s emotions are linked to his fire and that he died because he was feeling overwhelmingly forsaken and sad. Once they find out, however, they’ll fully understand Touya (hopefully) and recognize they haven’t been understanding him at all. Saving Touya will be difficult because he has to be vulnerable and that's not something he's done as Dabi, but that's where the Todoroki family arc is headed: healing as a family.

As a side note: I’m not saying that the message the manga is giving is the correct one (how you express yourself shouldn’t be a determinant of the help you receive) but it’s what we have to work with. I also think saving Touya will be more complicated than this and will also involve Natsuo, but that’s a meta for another day! ;]

[alchemania]

Barbara, and Bennett: Toxic Positivity (and how they each exude it)

While it's easy to spot negative toxic behavior, toxic positivity can be harder to recognize and pin down. In this blog, I am going to analyze 2 characters in Genshin and explain just how they show traits of toxic positivity. (I originally was going to include Jean, but I already covered her in an earlier blog so it'd just be redundant)

Barbara Page

Barbara is all smiles and sunshine, trying her best to ensure that everyone is happy. However; she does this to an unhealthy degree and often does not prioritize her emotional wellbeing.

#1: Forcing herself to always be happy.

Barbara's story lines state that she "only allows herself to be depressed for 30 seconds" and that after that, she basically puts on a smile; regardless of what she's actually feeling. She often talks about how good everyone is to her, and I honestly believe that Barbara invalidates her own depression because in her eyes; she has a good life and there's no "reason" for her to be sad, plus if she was sad then everyone else would feel down. She hasn't experienced anything traumatic, so how can she have the right to be depressed? But the thing is, she has: her parents divorced when she was young; and Barbara grew up apart from Jean, leading to a lack of a relationship between the two. While the divorce, based on Jean's story lines, did not seem to have a lot of negativity around it (from what I can tell Simon and Frederica actually split on amiable terms, they just fell out of love with each other), it still affected Barbara in a negative way and no doubt she is hurting from it but she's not acknowledging her pain. All trauma is not the same, this is true. But all trauma IS valid; just because someone is hurting less doesn't mean they're NOT hurting and Barbara needs to understand that her pain is valid and give herself time to process it.

#2: Lack of emotional boundaries

If there's anything that Jean and Barbara have in common besides both being healers, it's that they're absolutely terrible at saying no. In Barbara's hangout, she feels guilty for avoiding Albert and wanting to be left alone despite being emotionally exhausted and even wants to apologise, despite doing nothing wrong. Later on when her fans ask for autographs; she agrees, despite being off the clock and trying to take a break: Aether has to step in personally to get people to go away, and not only that; he has to lie through his teeth in order to do so. If you tell the NPCs the truth ("Barbara is currently on leave, please don't disturb her",) they'll reply "Oh she's on leave? Perfect time to ask for an autograph!" They don't care about her feelings; all they care about is what she can do for them and the worst part is that Barbara lets them treat her like this. It's so bad that the Knights have to constantly step in and rescue her because folks can't get it in their heads that off the clock =/= available; and Barbara feels like if she can help other people that she needs to; to the detriment of her own needs. She seems to think it's selfish to put herself first; but looking out for yourself emotionally is anything but. It's okay to say no, it's okay to tell people you're not available. Just because you're free doesn't mean you're up to engage and there's nothing wrong with that. But like Sister Victoria says herself; Barbara is too nice. She gives and gives and gives and expects nothing in return, and people take advantage of that.

#3: Undermining herself through constant praise of others

In her hangout, she tells you that besides singing and healing, she doesn't have anything worthwhile about her, and then goes on about how amazing you are, Jean as well. Barbara doesn't acknowledge her positive traits, and then when she vents to you she apologizes for doing so, since you were supposed to be hanging out and having fun. She puts a lot of her worth in comparison to what other people can DO, and not actual character. Barbara is a lovely person: she's sweet and kind and loving, but because she doesn't see herself as physically strong or powerful, she doesn't think she's worth a lot.

Bennett

My GOD, Bennett is like the EPITOME of toxic positivity.

1. Allows others to mistreat him and take out their feelings on him because he feels it's his fault they're suffering (essentially, a martyr complex)

Bennett's hangout is a prime example of this where when Royce got angry, Bennett simply let him yell until you step in. Due to his almost perpetual bad luck, he feels that he's responsible for the misfortune of the people around him and since he can't physically do anything about it, he attempts to "atone" by letting himself be emotionally assaulted.

He also puts himself in physical danger to keep other people safe (he figures since he's already unlucky, might as well suffer a little more if it means everybody else is okay, right?), and accepts abandonment as the norm since he's a liability. Bennett does not value his wellbeing whatsoever due to constantly being in danger and he seems to be of the mentality "If I'm going to die, at least let me die protecting everybody" and that immensely upsets me that a KID, who's probably no older than 17, is already considering his mortality.

#2: Not allowing himself to process negative emotion

Just like Barbara, Bennett constantly forces himself to always keep a smile on, only in his case it's more to keep himself from getting overwhelmed about his situation. It's heavily implied in his story that Bennett is afraid that he could die any day (and I don't blame him) and so he lives hard and fast because he feels he doesn't have a lot of time. He's cheated death MULTIPLE times (he almost died as a baby, and he almost died prior to receiving his Vision), and Bennett more than likely feels that one day, he's not going to get lucky enough to escape again; and he'll actually die. His life is an entire string of misfortune and unlike Barbara and her parents divorce, Bennett is aware of this trauma: he simply chooses to take it in stride and forces himself to stay upbeat. Which is just as bad as letting negative emotion completely overwhelm him, it's literally just the other ditch.

Bennett also seems very sad about the fact that his team abandoned him but he doesn't let himself process that either (if you respond angrily to the revelation that his teammates left he'll jump to defend them and insist "they had their reasons"- and that may be true, but that doesn't invalidate the trauma and sadness of being left behind because of something you literally cannot control). Similar to Diluc, Bennett is sort of an Atlas of his own right, but instead of carrying all of Mondstat on his shoulders he's shouldering his emotional wellbeing: he refuses to vent to anyone and bottles everything up because he doesn't want to be a burden; but in doing so he's only hurting himself in the long run.

(Thank God for Razor though it seems like he might be hanging around for the long haul and that makes me immensely happy. I could cry. Please don't let anything bad happen to him and Bennett they deserve friendship)

I'm going to go off the beaten path a bit here but, to all you guys reading this; please remember that:

1. Your trauma is valid, regardless of how "lesser" you think it might be.

2. You are not obligated to give yourself emotionally to other people if you are not up to it. You cannot give what you do not have, and if you're not 100% emotionally wise, you really shouldn't be taking on any more negative energy. It's not selfish to take care of yourself. If people can't respect that then they're not worth your time. Set emotional boundaries and don't budge for anyone. The people who are meant to stay will honor your boundaries.

3. It's okay to be sad! And it's okay to be sad and have no idea why. It doesn't matter if you have a 'good life,' depression doesn't care who you are or where you are on your walk of life and sometimes it hits like a truck. Your sadness is valid and don't be afraid to take the time you need to acknowledge and process your negative emotions.

Please take care of yourselves, friends; and be safe.

Have a good day. 💗

[embermc]

I’m still not over what happened to Ghostbur on Doomsday. There is no way to properly justify what happened to Ghostbur on Doomsday. And while I’m still absolutely happy that Ghostbur called out Doomsday’s perpetrators out on needlessly hurting and involving innocent pets, buildings and people in their conflict (even if he was one of the only ones that did at the time), I’m still really sad that he had to do that.

(Analysis under the cut, /rp)

Ghostbur was right, and he’s so much smarter than people think. I’m really glad that he called out how not okay it was for Techno and Phil to destroy buildings, and kill innocent pets and people just because of their conflict with a few people. That’s the main reason why Doomsday is so unjustified: because it took a conflict between a few people and needlessly involved everyone else in it, hurting innocent people and pets that did nothing wrong. Remember Ranboo sadly apologizing to his pets when he realized he couldn’t save all of them? Remember Karl’s distraught when he found out what happened to Party Island? Remember Ghostbur’s complete breakdown when he lost Friend and saw the nation he worked hard to rebuild get utterly destroyed?

Nothing could justify what happened to Ghostbur, and yes, I’m glad he finally called someone out on their Doomsday nonsense, but I’m sad at the conditions he had to do it in. Nobody ever took him seriously. Everyone just saw him as some silly, unfeeling ghost, and treated him like such. He was treated like a child by many, despite being a fully-grown adult. People like Techno and Phil didn’t even think he would feel any emotion after having everything he loved and cared about destroyed. They didn’t think he would understand or comprehend, so they didn’t even bother to take his emotions into consideration. They treated him like a small, stupid child, with no emotions of his own.

Ghostbur’s not a small child, and he wasn’t stupid. He acted childlike as a defense mechanism to cope with trauma, but he was always a fully capable adult. He forgets things that bring him pain, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t a skilled, intellectually capable person able to process emotion. He build an entire nation, he weighed moral dilemmas (as in, choosing who to help in scenarios and taking into account who needed him at a certain time), and he genuinely tried to mend relationships he felt needed fixing. He was always relatively a pacifist, he didn’t want to get involved in wars, and just wanted people to be happy. He wanted to spread happiness and make up for the past mistakes of a man he doesn’t even remember.

But the physically powerful people on the server, people like Techno, Dream, and even his own father, Phil, looked at someone who was pacifistic, easygoing, and optimistic and only saw saw someone who wasn’t worth being taken seriously. And that’s another common theme on the server. People who are more powerful, particularly physically but often with charisma and manipulation as well, are regarded with more inherent worth and are taken more seriously than those who don’t possess these traits, or choose not to possess them. People like Techno, Phil, and Dream have their opinions constantly validated, their motives are taken seriously, and their threats are feared. People like Alivebur and Schlatt, who had a lot of charisma and verbal power, were taken seriously and treated as genuine threats when need be. But people like Ghostbur? People who prefer to be peaceful, non-confrontational, and want to spread happiness and joy without worrying about wars and pain, and are typically optimistic? They’re often disregarded, treated as if their emotions and opinions don’t matter.

That’s exactly what happened here, and exactly what Ghostbur gets upset with Phil about. He said it himself: “I may be forgetful, and I may be an amnesiac, and I may be the comic relief in all your stories, but I still feel this. I still feel things...” People, particularly Phil here, assumed that just because Ghostbur was forgetful, constantly optimistic, and a comic relief character, he couldn’t feel the enormous amounts of pain being inflicted on him. They assumed he wouldn’t comprehend Doomsday and wouldn’t comprehend his world being torn apart, because he was just some dim-witted, unfeeling ghost. Like a small child who doesn’t understand the world going on around him. While this can also play into Phil’s character because he lost his son, and he desperately wants to make everything seem like he has a second chance to raise his son from early childhood, this mentality is beyond unfair to Ghostbur. Because Ghostbur CAN feel things, he CAN feel pain, he just desperately doesn’t want to. He wants to avoid feeling any form of negative emotion or pain whatsoever, and wants to repress his negative feelings and pretend to be happy. But in this moment, when he confronts Phil, he finally bursts.

This is what ultimately lead Ghostbur to realize that he needed to become Wilbur again. Being Ghostbur, being somebody with little to no strength or power whether it be physical or verbal, would only lead to more hardship and suffering for him and his friends. He realizes that he’ll never be taken seriously as he is, not even by those closest to him. Phil’s line at the end of their conversation says it all, “Someday, you’ll understand.” It’s a condescending line, as if he was speaking to a small child. It’s an assumption that Ghostbur’s current emotions and beliefs are incorrect, and invalid. It’s an assumption that Ghostbur doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and still has a lot of “growing up” to do. But Ghostbur can’t grow up. He can’t change, at least not in this form. He’s dead.

Ghostbur realized, through being forced to face suffering and tragedy head-first, that he couldn’t stay the way he was. And as sad as it is, it’s honestly such a fitting end to his arc. Through a situation that is similar to the one that Alivebur put everyone through, a situation that he had tried to repress from his memories, he realized that repressing all of his emotions and putting on a cheerful, child-like facade was not going to get him anywhere. Ghostbur is confronted with a horribly tragic scenario that he can’t ignore, can’t repress. He can’t pretend to be happy anymore and simply forget about what happened, since there’s nothing left to return to if he does. The only “understanding” that Ghostbur reached wasn’t the one that Phil and Techno were trying to teach everyone through violence and suffering. The understanding he reached was that he would never be taken seriously or have his emotions validated if he chose to stay as a happy, forgetful ghost. He needed to regain the sense of strength that Alivebur had, because that sense of strength is the only thing that will allow him to be taken seriously in this world. That sense of strength, of charisma, of verbal power and leadership, is the only thing that would allow him to truly be happy and not have to suffer anymore. He couldn’t go on repressing everything, which is a positive message that sadly came from a very negative situation.

Ghostbur had a fantastic arc, but what happened to him on Doomsday is still so, so sad. It wasn’t justified what was done to him, but it ended up furthering his character arc. He did learn a lesson, but it wasn’t the one that Phil and Techno were trying to teach. However, it was still one that sadly came from much more suffering and pain than he should have gone through. In a narrative sense, it’s extremely well-written for Ghostbur’s specific arc and very poetic. Yet, it was still someone having to learn through suffering and pain. Maybe that’s what had to be done, narrative-wise. Ghostbur had to be presented with a situation that he couldn’t repress or ignore in order for him to learn that his coping mechanisms would get him nowhere. But that doesn’t mean that what was done to him, the pain inflicted on him, was justified, and in fact, it was very tragic. All we can do is hope that from here, whatever happens to the newly resurrected Wilbur leads him to a future of healing, and at last, happiness.

[cyokie]

Jack Vessalius as a Symbol for Depression

Ever since I first read PandoraHearts, I have interpreted Jack Vessalius as at least a partial symbolic representation of depression, especially in his relationship with Oz. 

(Skip to “keep reading” to go straight to the analysis; this beginning portion is little more than a disclaimer.)

Jack is a complex, fascinating character, and it is precisely due to this that I believe any number of interpretations regarding him contain merit. Whether you view Jack as an abuser, a manifestation of mental illness, or an extraordinarily-written character that does not require a figurative understanding to be interesting, I think this is valid. 

I am saying this first and foremost because I want to be clear: this is not a persuasive essay. I am not trying to change anybody’s minds about liking or disliking Jack Vessalius, nor am I trying to devalue any other interpretations of this extremely nuanced character. Some points may be a bit vague and connections disjointed, though I attempted to minimize this. Any discussion of mental illness and abuse is based on either my personal experiences or those of people I know. I do not intend to offend anybody. 

This post is simply the product of years of disorganized yet in-depth thoughts about this concept. I hope some of you will be interested.

Major spoilers for the entire manga below the cut. Manga panels are from the Fallen Syndicate fan translation. This...is going to get very long.

Emotional Abuse

Jack exists within Oz’s mind. When these two interact, it almost always occurs within Oz’s head, providing every conversation with an inherently emotional and symbolic element. 

Jack initially appears to Oz as an unknown but crucial figure. Whether he is trustworthy or even harmful remains to be seen, but his input is necessary. He is the only insight Oz has into his lost memories; he knows something Oz does not. Oz is suffering an identity crisis, realizing he has endured something he does not completely understand, something that could potentially change his entire life once he does understand it. And yet, this mysterious voice within his head understands it.  

This desperation makes it almost irrelevant whether Jack is credible, whether his advice is well-intentioned. Normally a rather cynical and distrusting young man, Oz follows Jack from the beginning despite wanting answers. He does indeed receive answers, but they are perhaps not quite what he bargained for, in more ways than one.

Once Jack’s true nature is revealed, the extent to which he has used Oz’s memories and emotions against him becomes apparent. Jack does present Oz with new insights into his experiences, but he only ever provides Oz with enough information to convince him to act a certain way. He never willingly gives a fair, all-encompassing portrayal of an event from Oz’s past. He manipulates Oz’s perceptions of his memories to fit a particular emotional narrative, one that is inevitably perplexing and demeaning to Oz. 

This bears a resemblance to the way depression warps how we view past events. When we look back at our experiences, we don’t see the entire picture--though we are convinced that we may. We see a skewed version of an incident that actually occurred. Perhaps this incident proves little to nothing about ourselves in reality, but viewed through the lens of depression, everything about it seems to scream that we are useless. And it is nearly impossible to try and perceive these events any differently, because when depression overtakes our minds, this perspective appears to be the only one through which it is possible to examine any of our pasts. 

By the time Jack’s intentions have been exposed, he is also explicitly emotionally abusive towards Oz. It is easy to recognize Jack’s statements as not only psychologically damaging, but disturbingly similar to what we hear in our own heads when suffering depression. Think about these assertions without the very literal plot elements that support them: Jack declares Oz less than human, insists that nobody loves him, and claims that he has no future because the only thing he’s good for is hurting those around him. He convinces Oz that he is useless, hopeless, and worthless. 

Jack drills these ideas into Oz’s head when he is at his most vulnerable. This is when Oz breaks down and becomes convinced that all of Jack’s statements are true. He is not who he thought he was; he never has been, and so his life is meaningless. 

This is arguably when Oz reaches his all-time emotional low. While it was already addressed that he had been struggling intensely with his mental health and was probably suicidal, up to this point, he always retained some level of self-preservation (however slight). Now, he silently accepts that the world would be better off without him and offers no physical or emotional resistance to his own execution. Jack’s words worm their way into his heart and corrupt his self-image to the point where his only reaction to Oswald’s sword swinging towards him is a blank, unflinching stare. 

Trauma Response

It’s not uncommon for Jack to manifest during catastrophic moments--that is, whenever a situation triggers (or comes close to triggering) overwhelming memories of Oz’s trauma. When Oz is losing control over his emotional and physical faculties, Jack often encourages him to make the trigger disappear using the quickest and easiest method available. Unsurprisingly, this method generally takes advantage of Oz’s extraordinary powers. In other words, the “tactic” Jack advises Oz to use is simply mindless destruction.

In the second half of the manga, Oz is at his least emotionally stable. It is not a coincidence that this is also the point during which Jack gains the ability to completely hijack Oz’s body. This development allows Jack to commit impulsive acts of aggression through Oz, while Oz himself retains little to no control.

Jack overwhelms Oz with unnecessary flashbacks to traumatic events and makes an excess of harmful connections between past and present circumstances. Oz’s panicked, distressed responses to this are tools he uses to further coax Oz into acting in a self-destructive manner. These tendencies may not only connect Jack to the concept of depression, but the concept of post-traumatic stress disorder as well. 

Identity Crisis

Although Jack is introduced extremely early in the manga, one of the story’s main mysteries is the exact nature of his connection to Oz. This relationship shifts several times, especially with regards to who is “in control” and who is the true “owner” of the physical body. 

Once it becomes public knowledge that Jack is “within” Oz, the identity of the former overcomes the identity of the latter in the eyes of the general populace. Figures who never before gave Oz a second glance begin to pay incredibly close attention to him; many directly address him through his connection to Jack rather than as a separate entity. 

Oz is deeply troubled by the way others ignore him in favor of an aspect of his identity that he feels does not truly represent him--an aspect of his identity that is at least partially out of his control. However, he is also relatively resigned to being judged in this manner. He lacks knowledge of how to change this circumstance because even he does not truly understand the extent to which he and Jack are connected. 

It is true that at this point in the story, Jack is practically worshipped. His destructive actions and devastatingly selfish nature have not yet been exposed. Because of this, Oz as Jack’s “vessel” is typically viewed through a positive lens. Still, this situation reflects how people with depression are sometimes reduced to nothing more than a mental illness by their peers. Because others do not understand (and mental illness is stigmatized), they start to see us as “different” in some indefinable but undeniable way, and our existence becomes that particular part of ourselves in their eyes. 

As time passes, the line between Jack and Oz becomes more and more blurred. Questions are raised about whether they are the same person or, on the contrary, whether they are similar at all. At what is arguably the climax of the manga, Jack declares that Oz’s body is, was, and will always be his possession; he claims that in reality, there is no “Oz,” only “Jack.” 

This thought haunts Oz intensely and sends him into a rapid downward spiral. Like the sentiments expressed near the end of the “emotional abuse” section of this analysis, the idea that Oz’s body belongs to Jack is backed up by rigid, literal plot elements. However, if we view this emotional catastrophe using a symbolic perspective, it is a representation of yet another common struggle endured by those with depression.

We come to ask ourselves who we really are. Was there truly a time when we weren’t “like this?” Could we truly escape this misery in the future? Who would we be if we were to stop feeling this way? Do we even exist without depression? Does Oz even exist without Jack?

Visual Symbolism

It is a classic literary device to represent hope through light and despair through darkness. The manga is rife with this exact type of symbolism, utilizing it to describe how the Abyss has changed throughout time, Break’s dwindling eyesight, and the oscillating emotional states of various characters. 

As I stated previously, Jack and Oz interact almost exclusively within the latter’s mind. The landscape drawn in the background of these conversations initially possesses a watery, clear appearance. However, as it becomes increasingly clear that Jack’s presence is deeply damaging to Oz’s psyche, this same landscape becomes overwhelmingly tainted by dark, ink-like shadows. 

Closer examination reveals that this “pollution” originates directly from Jack--and it reaches its peak once Jack’s intentions have been fully disclosed. Not only is Oz’s mind visibly corrupted by darkness, but Jack himself appears as an almost inhuman figure composed of these shadows. 

There is another level of visual symbolism as well--namely, the fact that Jack becomes increasingly physically aggressive and disrespectful towards Oz. In the first half of the manga, he primarily speaks to Oz from a distance, occasionally reaching out a hand in his direction. This is clearly not so in the second half of the manga, at which point Oz begins to defy his influence and it becomes vital that he subjugate him as quickly as possible.

By this time, Jack is almost always seen either restraining or caressing Oz. Even in the latter situation, when his touches are lingering and vaguely affectionate, they are possessive and constraining. In other words, though they appear different on the surface, both actions are ultimately methods of forcing Oz’s submission. It can be said that this represents his desire to gain complete control over all aspects of Oz’s being, as well as his total lack of respect for Oz’s physical and emotional autonomy.

It can be argued that both of these aspects of symbolism reach their pinnacle even before this point. Oz realizes his own worth when Oscar says he loves him and reveals that his greatest desire is for him to be happy. When Oz is at last able to grasp that he is loved and there is hope within his life, Jack immediately reaches out to grab him. And in one of the manga’s subtlest but most poignant moments, his hand crumbles to dust upon touching Oz. 

What follows is an extremely impactful display of Oz’s character development. He recalls Jack’s previous statements declaring his achievements worthless, denouncing the love he received from others as fake, and degrading his worth. Then he furiously rejects all of them, thrusting out a hand to push Jack away from him and consuming Jack in an explosion of light. 

The conclusion to be drawn from this is that Jack essentially lives off Oz’s misery. When Oz understands and is able to accept that he is not worthless, Jack is suddenly rendered utterly powerless. 

The manga culminates in a scene that coincides with this symbolism. This late into the story, Oz has succeeded in transcending Jack’s influence almost entirely, but Jack is not quite ready to let go. Though they stand together within a void, glimmers of light linger around Oz--despite everything, his life has come to be surrounded by hope and love. 

As Oz floats towards the path of light above, Jack reaches out and takes hold of his wrist. But his grip is feeble and hesitant, representing how little control he truly holds over Oz at this point. Perhaps attempting to provoke guilt or regret, Jack asks Oz if he is certain that he is prepared to move on without him, but Oz has grown too much to succumb to this manipulation. 

Without delay, Oz replies that there is no reason for him to stay, and Jack finally releases him. He escapes into the light--into a world full of people who care about him, into a life where he is happy to be alive. 

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Man, I'm a thirsty hoe for hurt, comfort, and angst, but I am really frantic for how things are going to pan out with Maddie and Buck, once she comes back.

To send this ahead: I don't mean to criticize Maddie or to shift blame to a woman suffering from depression and being desperate to protect her family, no matter the costs. She needs help and I hope she finally finds it as she needs it.

I'm just interested, and a bit scared, for how this may affect her relationship with her brother.

Because Buck felt like she left him behind before. While he since understood where she was coming from with this, it has been his emotional reality. That's how he felt. To him, it felt like she left him behind. He missed her, and she wasn't physically or emotionally available for him.

It feeds into many of his deeply rooted insecurities. And those, he can't help either, even though he's in therapy. So having Maddie leave like that will be not only a blow to Chimney (POOR CHIMNEY, MY BABY!!! GIVE THE MAN ALL THE HUGS!!!), but it will have a great effect on him, too, I fear.

I could even see a scenario where that may be a catalyst for Buck's composure falling. Because right now, things pan out for him. He has that relationship with Taylor going on (even though we see some hints of different wants and needs in that relationship, but that's another topic). He is well settled with the 118. We know that he's spending time with his favorite Diaz boys. Buck feels validated in his role and his self-worth thanks to the conversation with Eddie and the will last season. And Jee-Yun is super adorbs

What more to ask for, right?

Makes it easy to forget what happened only a few months ago, right?

Right?

And while we see Eddie having a panic attack as a result of his struggle with his relationship, we also see first cracks that may hint at him coming to grips with his trauma about being shot. *fingers crossed that the writers don't brush that off again*

Interestingly, Buck is the one to point out to Eddie that getting shot can be anxiety-inducing. Well, so can be seeing your best friend (and love of your life...) get shot, boo. He worries for Eddie and empathizes with him. For what we got to see, he's doing just fine.

Right?

But maybe having Maddie gone will open the Pandora's box for him. Buck may go spiraling, thinking that his sister didn't trust him with herself and her problems, that he was not good enough as a brother to notice certain things, to make good on his promise to take that spot in her life and protect her.

That she leaves again, even though they promised something else.

Again, this is not to blame her, but on a narrative level, those pinky promises are an important theme between the two siblings. When Maddie told him he'd always have her, we just got this episode that highlighted Buck's headspace, the loneliness he felt, which in part inspired him to befriend Red - only for him to die. Having her leave after she promised to do the exact opposite, tracing back to that pivotal moment, is seldom arbitrary. So I guess we may get a callback to that scene at some point.

So I could see a scenario where Buck tries to brush it all off. Coz he didn't get shot. Coz he's in therapy. Coz his sister didn't leave him, even if it may feel like it, okay? Coz he still has his partner to rely on. And anyway, Uncle Buck to the rescue, right? He can go help Chim and Jee-Yun. He can be of use, even when his sister is not around to see it. Nonetheless, it keeps eating away at him. That he does well distracting himself, but that he still finds himself feeling that desolation again that he's felt by the time he met Red. Even though he should be fine. And anyway, it's not the first time this happened. He can deal with it, okay? He got the 118. And Eddie and Christopher.

Right?

So yeah, I think we could easily see him spiral down. Because healing is no linear process and all that.

But then maybe more tensions arise between him and Taylor about what they both want out of this relationship, moving forward. Maybe he clings more onto her, which may not be what she wants out of that relationship right now. Maybe Buck gets a painful callback to Eddie at gunpoint, thus sending him right back down to hell of what he seemingly brushed off, too, because he is happy and in a relationship and all is fine, right? All is going according to plan, yeah? It's on a clipboard, okay?

Because that would open up a chance for Buck to reflect on his trauma on-screen - just like Eddie still needs the space to deal with his. And ideally, they will somehow find a way forward together. Because even without the shipper goggles on, it was a trauma for both, so it'd make a lot of sense if their healing is just as closely interconnected. That they are the people who can facilitate each other in their healing, getting out of those headspaces, stopping the spiral down.

But back on topic: Buck may really be in for an emotional roller-coaster with Maddie leaving. Perhaps much so when she comes back. Because the two may have to have some very painful conversation once she does.

Because there'd be no bad guys in this scenario, just two people with different traumas finding very different ways to deal with their feelings. And in Maddie's case, her impulse to run is basically a worst-case scenario for a guy like Buck who's struggling with separation, who has the fear of being left behind deeply ingrained into his system.

And I am really curious to see how that will play out. While I firmly believe that the two will mend things between them just like I am sure Maddie and Chim will, it will be a struggle not just for her but also for the people she loves and cares for, including her brother.

So yeah, I see some great potential for angst there, but also an awesome narrative opportunity for Maddie and Buck to progress as characters. That Maddie finally realizes that running is not the way out anymore. That with a committed partner like Chimney, running is actually no longer an option. That she has to let people in and trust them to be by her side even when she finds herself at a low point in her life.

Which may very well boil down to Buck and Maddie both coming to that understanding of what not being alone actually means. For Maddie that she can't run from this. And for Buck that even if Maddie is not there, he is not alone by any means. Even if he may no longer be in a relationship, even if he may be a mess, he has people he can rely on - and who rely on him.

And if Buck winds up finding the support he'd otherwise gotten from Maddie... even more so if it is in the shape of that henley wearing guy who has too much panic and too little disco... all the better for me. *ahem*

So please excuse me while I remain... perfectly calm.

[samwisethewitch]

Curses and Hexes

Cursing is one of the most ancient forms of magic — and one of the most controversial. Whereas most magic is constructive (used to manifest or attract things), cursing is destructive (used to cause misfortune or harm).

Technically speaking, curses and hexes are similar but different types of spells. A curse consists of written or spoken words, sometimes combined with gestures. A hex is a ritual involving material items. However, most modern witches use the terms interchangeably, as I do in this post.

The fastest way to start a debate in any witchy community is to bring up the topic of cursing. It seems like everyone has strong opinions on the subject, either for or against. For your practice, all that matters is what you believe.

So, When Is It Okay to Curse Someone?

This is a tricky question, and the answer depends on the witch.

There are some witches who believe that intentionally causing harm or misfortune to another person is always wrong, and will never cast curses for this reason. This is an entirely valid position! If you fall into this camp, know that you’re in good company.

Other witches believe that cursing is acceptable when it’s truly warranted by the situation, such as when your life or livelihood is in danger. Others believe that cursing is simply a means to an end, and can be done with good intention (cursing your friend’s unfaithful partner to get them to stop cheating, for example).

The one thing that most witches seem to agree on is that curses are serious stuff, and should not be taken lightly. Unlike other types of magic, curses are fueled by negative emotions like hate, anger, and heartbreak. This makes them very powerful, but also very draining for the witch casting them. Cursing someone means reliving any trauma you suffered at their hands in order to use those memories as fuel for the fire. Some people aren’t willing to put themselves through such an ordeal, which again, is entirely fair.

Because curses are fueled by such strong emotions, they’re powerful and volatile. They’re like the nitro fuel of witchcraft — if you don’t know what you’re doing and aren’t careful, someone could get seriously hurt. That someone could be you.

My personal view on cursing is essentially the same as my view on physical violence. It’s not the answer to all, or even most, problems, and it sometimes makes the situation worse instead of better. It should never be your first option, but it might very well be your last resort. If someone is holding you at gunpoint, you’re entitled to use violence to protect yourself. Likewise, if someone is putting you or a loved-one in life-threatening danger, you’re entitled to use whatever magical means necessary for protection.

Before You Curse

If you think there’s someone in your life who deserves to be cursed, go through the following criteria to decide if cursing is really the most appropriate action.

Sleep on it. When we’re in the heat of the moment, we sometimes say or do things we don’t mean. If you think you’re angry enough with someone to curse them, give it a couple of days before you reach for the vinegar and chili peppers. Give yourself time to cool off and clear your head. If, after a week, you still feel like a curse is warranted, move on to the next step.

Think about your own motives. Why do you want to curse this person? What did they do to make you angry enough that you’re willing to use magic to harm them in some way? If it’s a minor annoyance, like cutting you off in traffic, a curse probably isn’t appropriate. Likewise, if your motivations are petty or catty in nature — like cursing someone because they beat you out for a promotion — I highly encourage you to stop and do some self-reflection. For one thing, you may not be able to conjure enough genuine hatred and anger for an effective curse. For another, in these situations you may find it more helpful to do some work on yourself (working on anger issues, learning to gracefully accept failure, etc.) rather than lashing out at someone else.

Ask yourself if this situation matters in the long run. It may feel incredibly important now, but try to take a step back and look at the big picture. Will this person matter in a year? Five years? Ten? Are they important enough to warrant allowing yourself to channel enough negative energy for a curse? (If this person is putting your life, livelihood, or safety at risk, the answer to all of these questions is YES!)

Make sure your anger is directed at the right person. Who is really responsible for the pain you’re feeling? For example, if your significant other cheats on you, your first reaction may be to curse the person who “stole” them from you. But you aren’t really upset with this person — you’re hurt because your partner betrayed your trust. I’m not convinced that a cheating partner is a serious enough reason to cast a curse (again, will it really matter in ten years?) but if you decide to do so, at least make sure it’s directed at the person who is truly responsible for your pain.

Consider doing a banishing instead. In situations where a person is a danger to you or your loved ones, sometimes the best option is to give them a magical push out of your life. A banishing does what the name implies — it banishes a person or thing from your life. Unlike a curse, a banishing does not cause harm or misfortune to the person being targeted. It simply removes them from your life.

You can perform a simple yet effective banishing with a piece of paper, a pen, cayenne pepper, and dried lavender. Write the name of the person or thing you want to banish on the paper. Look down at the name and say, out loud, “[Name], you are no longer welcome in my life.” Sprinkle a bit of cayenne on the paper and instruct it to burn this person out of your life. Sprinkle a bit of lavender on the paper and instruct it to bring you peace and healing. Fold the paper up to create a little packet around the herbs, then take it outside and burn it to ash. (Be careful — cayenne smoke burns!) As the paper burns say, “I banish [name] from my life, never to return.” Scatter the leftover ashes on a busy road.

Consider doing a binding instead. Maybe you don’t necessarily need someone out of your life, but you do need to take away their power to cause harm. In this case, a binding is your best bet. A binding is a spell that “binds up” someone’s power, preventing them from taking certain actions. This can be useful for dealing with people who are toxic or abusive. Like a banishing, binding does not cause harm or misfortune to the target.

You can perform a simple binding charm with a photograph of your target, a pen, and red or black thread. Write your target’s full name (or as much of it as you know) across the bottom of the photo. Look down at the photo. Say, out loud, “[Name], I bind you. I bind up your power, so that you can no longer ______.” Fold the paper up as small as possible. Then, begin to wrap the thread around the folded paper. As you do, say, “[Name], I bind you.” Continue wrapping until the thread completely covers the paper — there should be no paper visible.

For whatever reason, some people seem to have a natural resistance to banishing and binding. You may find that your spell works for a while, but the person you tried to banish/bind eventually returns to their old ways. There’s some debate about why this happens — some say it’s because these people are narcissists or energy vampires, while others think it has something to do with their force of will. Personally, I think it’s because some people are so nasty and hateful that it takes nasty, hateful magic to get rid of them for good. If you find yourself dealing with one of these people, and your banishings and bindings aren’t sticking, you may want to move on to a full-fledged curse.

Creating an Effective Curse

Okay, you’ve done your self-reflection, you’ve considered or attempted a banishing and/or binding, and you still feel like cursing is your best/only option. In that case, here are some general guidelines for making sure that your curse is appropriate, effective, and ethical.

Be VERY specific. Don’t just lob a ball of negative energy at someone and expect it to do what you want. Be very, very clear about your intent for this curse. Use precise and specific language. Make it painfully obvious what you want to happen and how you want it to unfold.

For example, when writing a petition or incantation, don’t just say, “[Name] is cursed.” Instead use something like, “Should [Name] ever contact or harass me again, he/she/they is cursed. Let him/her/them feel what I have felt and suffer as I have suffered.” You could get even more specific and detailed if you wanted to, but the important thing is to establish some basic parameters for the powerful dark energy you’re unleashing.

Make sure the punishment fits the crime. A curse to cause sexual impotence probably isn’t appropriate for an abusive boss… unless that boss is sexually harassing their employees. In that case, sticking a few pins in a rotting cucumber may be just what the situation calls for. (Yes, that’s a real curse. Yes, the cucumber represents what you think it represents.)

Making sure the punishment fits the crime also means being honest about how serious of a curse is deserved. Do you really need to ruin this person’s life to get them out of your hair, or will a mild inconvenience do? As strange as the idea of a curse being fair sounds, avoiding overkill will not only maintain balance but will keep you from expending more energy than you have to.

Make sure your curse is only affecting your target and not anyone around them. When it comes to curses, family, friends, and coworkers can sometimes get caught in the crossfire. To avoid this, make sure your spell is targeted to a specific person by personalizing it as much as possible. Include photos of your target, their full legal name (or as much of their full name as you know), and a taglock if you can get it. You may even want to include a line in your petition or incantation specifying that this curse will only affect the desired target and not their friends and associates.

Set clear conditions/parameters. The most effective curses are situational. Think of it as laying an energetic trap in or around a certain situation — this is more efficient and uses up less of your energy than if you were to just cast a blanket curse that affects every area of the target’s life. Curse parameters take the form of, “If [name] does x, they will be met with y.”

Setting parameters also makes sure your curse is truly deserved. For example, maybe your friend has an abusive ex-spouse, and you want to use a curse to keep your friend safe. If the ex-spouse is already leaving your friend alone, there’s no reason for a curse. But if they aren’t leaving your friend alone, they deserve to be met with vicious, magical resistance. For this situation, you may want to use an incantation like, “Should [ex-spouse] ever approach or contact [your friend], they are cursed with discomfort, unrest, and legal trouble. Let them be hunted and put down like a rabid dog.” This ensures that if, at any point in the future, the ex-spouse starts harassing your friend again, the curse will immediately go into action.

Don’t attach yourself to the curse. Perhaps the most important part of cursing is making sure you keep the energy of the curse separate from your own energy. Revenge is a double-edged sword, so you need to take precautions to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.

Any time you cast a curse, you want to limit its connection to you as much as possible. Don’t include any of your own personal effects in the spell. You may also want to avoid using tools that hold a special place in your practice. For example, you may not want to use your altar as a place to craft curses. You may want to use materials that can be disposed of easily. Make sure to dispose of curse remains somewhere outside your home, such as at a busy road.

After casting a curse, it’s important to set aside some time for self-care. Start with a thorough cleansing. This can be as simple as taking a bath in salt water (or dumping a bucket of salt water over your head in the shower, if you don’t have a tub), but if you would rather do a full-fledged cleansing ritual, even better! It’s important to do something to remove any lingering negativity from your energy field, and to make sure the curse doesn’t attach to you in any way.

Cursing is intense, emotional, draining work. After casting a curse, take at least a few hours to rest and be kind to yourself. Eat your favorite foods. Take a nap. Read a book or watch a movie. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel good.

You may want to do some inner work after cursing to help process the intense emotions involved in this kind of magic. This can be journaling, meditation, energy work, or some other healing modality. If you’ve experienced serious trauma, you may want to consider speaking to a therapist or counselor in addition to doing work on your own.

Resources:

Utterly Wicked by Dorothy Morrison

Of Blood and Bones by Kate Freuler

New World Witchery podcast, “Episode 102 — Evil”

[kuekyuuq]

At this point, I see things regarding Supercorp this way...

(Mxaybe... in another universe... *sighs*)

My head-canon for the show:

Lena had a crush on Kara since day one and vice versa. She tried to deny it, deny herself the ‘luxury’ of personal attachment... but Kara was quite persistent, and cute, and sweet, and warm, and such a dork, and... yeah... Lena got confused when she developed similar feelings for Supergirl, and then her disagreements with Supergirl caused her to not-like her anymore, but still felt physically attracted to her - damnit. Since oblivious Kara did not respond properly to her flirts (and they both verbally friend-zoned each other), Lena resigned to gaze and long for her in secret, thinking Kara was straight. Neither her short and tragic re-encounter with Jack - an unresolved comfort from her own past - nor her sudden enemies-to-lovers thing with James (Kara's ex of all people) could quite quench her craving for Kara's closeness and warmth or her verbal tension-filled jab-throwing matches with Supergirl. After the reveal, Lena was more hurt over her 'friend' betraying her trust, keeping a secret from her (yes, that's a double-standard, Lena! ...girl's got deeply rooted issues) than 'Supergirl' using her alter-ego to take advantage of Lena (which, hands down, Kara actually did on some occasions - so, ironically that one would have been objectively valid, but, hey, feelz shape our perspectives). She went through her lashing-out phase, only to realize she can't live without Kara in her life. And really wants to do good. Yes, that too... ...and it only took her trying to brainwash the whole world (good intentions and the road to hell) and Lex back-stabbing her a couple of times, to see the light and join the good guys for good... to be more like Supergirl, in her own small way...? Y'all know what I mean ^_- She came crawling back, continues to try hard to prove herself worthy, longingly watching on every time Kara and Alex hug, desperate to keep her sunshine-impersonated in her life, whom she truly loves, despite how much she tried to convince herself she did not...

...

Meantime, Kara is an alien (yes, I bold that, bc, people tend to not think this through). From a totally different culture and all, having suffered great trauma and entering Earth's culture during her puberty/informative years. A Kryptonian who crushed for Humans (males - James, Adam - and apparently 4 other dudes she broke the noses of when kissing) and other aliens (Daxamite Mon-El) ...uh, and even couldn't stop herself admitting how she likes how nice Lucy (female Human) smells (the most prominent other time such a statement was made, was when everybody was swooning over Kal). Who only in her adulthood realized homosexuality was even a real option, outside of high-schoolers slurring at each other. (And I am not saying, Kara is gay, as in lesbian... she incidentally spoke true when she denied that in the pilot. Repeat after me: “Kara is an alien.” ..I’d call her pan, but am also aware, that the textbook definition doesn’t include ‘all species’... so.... there’s that.) Kara, who so desperately hard tried to fit in, she got absolutely used to others telling her what she's supposed to feel and think.

...who crushed hard for Lena at first sight (possibly, also star-struck). But both Clark and Alex, her most important people to look for help, guidance and reference, told her any Luthor was bad news.

There was Mon-El, whom she didn't even like, at first. When he lied told her he wasn't in love with her, she was utterly relieved. She was all “Oh, golly. That’s unexpected and awkward. What now?!” when he confessed to her, and tried (and failed) to let him down gently. (I am actually convinced, that Kara was more ego-hurt, that he moved on to Eve so quickly, and.. where she and James ended things once Lucy was out of the picture, Kara only started thinking/feeling differently about Mon-El when he was taken... just sayin’ I maybe spot a pattern there.) But, Alex told her, that she had a thing for Mon-El and that she should give him a shot... ...even when Lena got involved with Cadmus, and Kara found herself passionately defending the youngest Luthor against ALL her friends, when she could not explain her bone-deep trust in Lena but by "I can see it in her eyes" and other instinctually tainted expressions... Well, she and Mon-El made it work, they were actually a sweet couple when they weren't butting heads... Didn't stop Kara from having mixed feelings when Lena ran into her ex. And yes, Kara did mourn Mon-El. If only for the concept of what they had together, but I do think, she did feel love for him... Me thinks, Kara would be one of the people who simply can not separate physical and emotional. So by kissing and sleeping with him, stronger emotional attachments came to be. Not to invalidate them, but... personal history is important.

....long story short, Kara kept trying not to stand out. Lived and loved on the safe-side, hurt one too many times by circumstance. And yet kept feeling drawn to Lena, kept trusting her, kept wanting to reveal herself to her - despite what everybody else said. But, emotionally and 'culturally' on the safe side.

Kara friend-zoned herself.

The reveal happened and... Lena HURT her and Kara STILL kept her hope and trust up... and while towards the end of it, being incredibly hurt and worn out, she still let Lena back in. And within 24h decided that Lena came through enough times and Kara was ready to accept her apology...

And then Lex happend (again) and Phantom Zone...

Now...

[*] My head-canon for RL:

Katie is such a natural flirt, that even though the SG writers (after introducing both Lena and Mon-El to the show) have been told "no gay Supergirl" by the CW in 2017, Melissa just never knows what hit her...

Director: "CUUUT!" Melissa: "--...wait, what? I'm married. I mean... huh?" Melissa: "Wait! We have to redo that! We were told, not to-" Katie: "To what?" Melissa: "...uh, the Supercorp-thing... you know... the heart-eyes?" Katie: "What heart-eyes?" *raises an eyebrow the typical Katie-way* Melissa: "...the... um.... you..." Katie: "Wait, did you-..?" Melissa: "Me!? Oh, no. I am married!" Katie: "What has that to do-... Are you okay?" Melissa: "Yes!" Katie: "Okay, then." *Katie swaggers off stage & hi5s one of the writers on her way out* Melissa: "...darn it." *calls Chris* "Honey, I love you." Chris: "...it happened again?" Melissa: "..." *Chris starts laughing* Melissa: "...so not funny."

So, yeah, that's where I am at. Kara friend-zoned herself and Lena is totally mush for the Girl of Steel. ...and Katie is just being Katie :)

Also, I am currently 99% sure Supercorp will not be endgame. But I would be 100% pleased to be proven wrong.

[* In all seriousness, do not bash on the actors, please. They are just doing their jobs, have a life and family, real relationships and feelings. So, my above 're-enactment' is completely fictional, purely for light-hearted entertainment and not meant to do any harm or spread any hate or to be actually transcribed onto the actual, real people. We do not really know these people! They - and the writers, too - do bring characters to life that we invest in - for that they deserve our gratitude. My gut feeling (or shipper-heart feeling?) is, they are doing their best to sneak Supercorp in whenever they can - not to bait, but because they may actually not be allowed (yet..?) to make SC text but see the same chemistry we do. Have fun, but be respectful, please! We can disagree with the CW's executive decisions - although, we do not really know what’s going on bts - and express our dismay, but do not in all seriousness spread hate.]

[ruby-whistler]

/dsmp /rp

the reason i think the take "the torture was deserved when it comes to c!dream and c!dream only" nags me so much is because it simply... doesn't work?

other than just being utter dehumanization which only shows how horrific the fandom's opinions on c!dream are, it's also stupid!

according to this logic, if the torture is justified as payback or karma for what c!dream did to c!tommy, exile would be retrospectively ok and completely excused.

but we know that's not how it works! c!tommy's trauma is not being erased by c!quackity bringing suffering upon another human being - for his own personal gain, may i add.

it's not even comparing trauma, it's just straight up invalidation of the pain both characters went through.

it's the same amount valid for me to say "what c!tommy went through is ok because c!dream is going through worse now" as it is the other way around.

in which it is not! no one deserves to have their human rights violated, even if they hurt others, because doing bad things doesn't make you any less of a human being with emotions who can feel pain on both a mental and a physical level.

if you dislike c!dream or think him a plainly bad person because of what he did, that's fine. he's still a person though and people should treat him like it.

[kindness-ricochets]

ur thoughts on wylan and kaz? as characters or ur general hc's for them together after soc or anything else. just ur general thoughts on these characters in tandem.

In writing my response, I rambled for a bit and may and may not have actually answered your question... so while I hope this interests you and is what you meant, feel free to drop a line if I completely missed the mark!

They’re perfect opposites—by which I mean entirely different in all the ways they’re the same.

Wylan and Kaz share an almost absolute emptiness of coherent thought regarding themselves, Wylan emotionally and Kaz physically. Kaz always pushes himself too hard, he never sleeps, he’s basically made of coffee and spite. Wylan can overlook any level of mistreatment because he is so thoroughly conditioned to it, except that he genuinely believes this can be a form of love.

As a result, both deal with grievous personal wrongs using a loved one as a proxy.

Kaz has every reason to hate Pekka Rollins as the architect of his trauma and sometimes he does acknowledge this. He’ll have lines about Pekka taking everything from him. That he “had a lot of things”. It’s about Jordie, always. Avenging Jordie’s death is a perfectly valid motivator, but Kaz takes it to an extreme degree. (This is an interesting contrast between him and Inej, too. Inej recognizes that what was done to her was wrong; though deeply traumatized by it, she is able to recognize that she was mistreated, that she can seek revenge for herself and others like her.)

Wylan has every reason to hate his father. But he doesn’t. Not only doesn’t he, he blames himself every time. Jan wanted a real son, a proper heir, it’s Wylan’s fault; who else would love him enough to be honest with him? It’s only when he learns about Marya that Wylan can begin to process what his father truly is. Eight years of abuse culminating in attempted murder and public humiliation is one thing… not at all intended to downplay the horror of Marya’s situation, not at all! Just that it’s the only way Wylan is able to begin to process his feelings toward his father.

Maybe as an aspect of this, maybe as a coincidence to it, both are very conscious of the people are them—it’s just that Kaz’s consciousness is ruthlessly pragmatic while Wylan’s is sweet. Kaz is always aware of every player, how to use them, and how to manipulate them. Wylan is concerned—about Jesper losing his guns, about Nina catching cold in her skimpy outfit, about Alys who was sweet and silly and meant no harm to anyone. A perfect example is their conversation about Jesper.

[“]Who knows? Jesper may even win his revolvers back.” “I hope so,” said Wylan as they hopped onto a browboat crowded with tourists and headed south down the Stave. “You would.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Someone like Jesper wins two hands and starts to call it a streak. Eventually he loses, and that just leaves him hungrier for the next run of good luck. The house relies on it.” Then why make him walk into a gambling den?

Both have a personal connection to Jesper; Kaz does his closest approximation to loving him as a brother, while Wylan’s little crush is starting to feel like maybe something more. And they have opposite approaches to his addiction. Kaz uses it. Ruthlessly. (Granted, this is Kaz at his lowest, but it’s not especially different from how he treated Jesper in the beginning of Six of Crows.) Wylan wants to acknowledge his problem and help him avoid his addiction. He doesn’t want Jesper to have to suffer the loss of something important to him. This also shows in how Wylan and Kaz think about each other. Near the end of Six of Crows, Kaz essentially thinks that he doesn’t care about Wylan’s dyslexia because Wylan has other talents, other uses. Wylan thinks near the middle of Crooked Kingdom that he knows Kaz had other motives, but he still helped Wylan a lot, and is a friend. Kaz’s evaluations are weighed by use, Wylan’s by emotional impact.

Now I’m going to get nerdy. Even more so. When I did developmental psychology, my favorite was always Erikson, who essentially broke human development into stages of crisis and resolution. The 4th is “industry vs. inferiority”—basically, competence. And they resolve to extreme opposite ends of the spectrum. Kaz is industrious, competent and capable, determined from the moment he was reborn in that canal. He doesn’t stop. He makes plans and acts on them. Wylan feels inferior, and often struggles—even with things he knows how to do, he needs to be told to do them, or can’t quite put two and two together about the situation around him. (The fact that Wylan’s crisis comes to a more positive resolution, that he begins to develop competence, throughout Crooked Kingdom is… frankly, wonderful. Wylan wasn’t inherently bad at things. He just didn’t have support to grow.)

These opposite resolutions also relate to where they fall on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Kaz is left without the most basic things, physiological and safety needs, things like food, water, and shelter. He has to adapt and he has to adapt fast—because he’s alone. And if he’s going to survive, if he’s going to see Jordie given justice, he needs to get to work. Wylan has those needs met, placing him at the point of psychological needs—belongingness, love, esteem. Jan took care of Wylan’s basic needs, but dealt him blow after blow toward his psychological needs through isolation and emotional abuse. This highlights another difference: Kaz’s damage wasn’t dealt by someone who hated him. Pekka was just indifferent. The Barrel was full of lost children who would take a mouthful of bread from a weaker boy because they needed it to survive. It was indifference, for Kaz. But for Wylan, it was at best disdain, at worst hatred.

This sets them apart from the other Crows. Inej was 14 when she was taken by slavers. Jesper was around 16 when he was sent to Ketterdam for university. Nina was 16 or 17 when the Fjerdans took her captive. Matthias was I think 11 when he lost his family, which places him just on the cusp of two of Erikson’s stages, but the relevant resolution is to the fifth stage of identity vs. confusion—basically, “Who am I, and who can I become?” Those four developed competence in a more or less healthy way (purely in terms of competence since two were basically child soldiers, but still). Whereas Kaz overcompensates with relentlessness and Wylan freezes up. Both have this sort of jagged place inside them at exactly that point, that the others simply don’t have.

To me, this explains why Kaz and Wylan have the weakest balance between personal and professional lives. Kaz is always plotting, scheming. He has to learn to take a break from the monster and be the man. Wylan is locked up in his own mind. In his first narrated chapter, his first narrated page, he tells us that he feels out of place and doesn’t even know where to put his hands to look normal. Kaz is ready to take over the world while Wylan just wants to exist in his own little corner of it.