#euphoria liveblog

[stompandhollar]

i’m 12 episodes into malevolent finally and, due to the way i was introduced, i still feel like arthur and john are my blorbo-in-laws. like they are friends of my friend who i have now grown quite fond of. they’re a little weird. i enjoy them. they fell in a hole.

[cinelestial]

Sydney Sweeney guest hosting the March 2nd edition of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

[perilegs]

is anyone going to post the tall ass slow damage images you have to manually combine to see in their entirety if you don't know how to extract vn files or do i have to do everything around here

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 9 "terma" thoughts

this day had aspects which i did not care for, which is why i am hoping that the thrilling tale of mulder escaping a gulag will bring light and warmth to my heart.

author’s note, post episode: i need answers i need answers i need those slugs destroyed. this episode vastly improved my day and i remembered the simple joys of being alive, such as watching silly TV shows where the characters have an indescribable bond. truly a pleasure to be alive despite it all. scully and mulder, you have shown me such wisdom.

excellent moments for both scully and mulder in this one, which i treasure deeply, and also their together moments made my heart soar. genuinely a good ep!

let us gather to watch this tale!

we begin with a “previously on the x files”. i really hate that shot of mulder squished under that wire cage; it’s deeply unpleasant and i imagine so was the filming experience.

after that, we journey to a convalescent home in florida. now. the last time we went to a convalescent home, i have tried very purposefully for forget what went down. so my expectations here are low.

someone just waltzed in at night and is looking at the old people sleeping with a flashlight.... is this allowed? it probably shouldn't be. is she looking for someone in particular? 

she finds auntie janet and says it is time, he is waiting. now what does that mean?!?!

so she takes auntie janet out and there is some man that she’s in the car with?? he’s hooking auntie janet up to various chemicals. she says she’s tired of the pain and the doctor-y figure puts the green stuff into her. ah, i see what is going on here, as auntie janet hugs this woman and says she is her angel of mercy. 

so it looks like she died, but instead of just dying and that being it, there are oily slugs coming from her nose and mouth. which…. i mean, it’s better for them to come out in a controlled environment and after her passing, right? that seems ideal, all things considered. except for the fact that the oily slugs will now crawl into these people, so that’s a bummer.

HEY! the changed the text after the intro. “E PUR SI MUOVE” <- is that latin? hold on

i didn’t want to figure out what the whole phrase meant because that was part of the fun!! but in trying to figure out if “muove” was latin or italian or portuguese or something, i learned what the whole phrase meant and that it is significant for being uttered by galileo. darn! well, if i had to learn it before i wanted to, you shall too, i suppose. although i imagine if you read this blog, you’ve seen all this before. hmm.

we are in st. petersburg. FORMERLY LENINGRAD! but no longer at this point. someone is knocking at an old russian guy’s door. a young gentleman tells this old guy that “the cold war isn’t over” 

damn. still rings true in 2024. 

and also he gives the old guy an envelope. 

mulder is sleeping in a jail cell. he’s very tucked into that corner. it's adorable, in a certain way. someone is whispering to him. mystery other prisoner guy who can speak english said that he has been lying there for hours, and that the first time (referring to his alien injection) is “bad, very bad”

he calls this alien injection the “black cancer” that lives in the rock. this mystery man used to be a geologist! he was there when they found the fragments! woah... a rock guy... and look what they have done to him :(

okay, so this black cancer comes from the tunguska rock. got it. i am tracking the lore.

so at least hundreds of people have died here, and they seem to be searching for a cure to the black cancer after they inject it into their test subjects.

well! it is almost comforting that maybe both scully and mulder will die horrific early deaths, but at least together, right? because. the actual cancer that she probably has. and the weird creature in his veins now. they’ll have each other, i guess?

sighs. this is not providing me much comfort.

“i’m not gonna die. i have to live long enough to kill that man krycek” <- YAAAAAS i cheered!!!! his dogged determination has now been set to bloodlust mode!! hey, whatever keeps you alive!!!

mystery man sneaks mulder a shank he made over two weeks. that is a very dedicated thing to do, and even more profound to spend all that time and then give it to someone else. “it is wonderful- the persistence of life” damn…. bro has me thinking…. life really IS a gift, huh

back to the USA, where scully is tending to the mysteriously ill dr. sachs, who if you need a refresher, was the guy who was cutting into the mystery rock before he was mysteriously paralyzed. his blood looks a bit thickened (gag) and also there is something in there. EW!!! EW 

EW NASTY WORMS ATTACHED TO A GLAND IN HIM?!?!?!?!

no no no don’t care for that thank you!!!

in virginia, some people get on a bus, including an old man who is eating an apple. they are going to charlottesville. 

also there are some horses. the apple man snuck onto a farm with horses. IS IT GONNA BE THE WELL-GROOMED MAN’S FARM???

is it the russian guy??? well, he introduces himself as “vassily peskow” which seems to answer that question. 

(in googling this to make sure i spelled his name right, i saw that he has something to do with "the syndicate"- is that the official name of the group i have been referring to as the UN alien people for 3 seasons now?!)

he is speaking to the woman who we earlier saw give that stuff to auntie janet, but he has come to see her! her name is dr. charne-sayre, and while i know nothing about her besides her willingness to euthanize her aunt, she seems to have handled a strange old man showing up and touching her horses quite well, because personally i would be throwing hands.

OH!!! HE STARTS CHOKING HER?? the horses are neighing with fury. 

what… did i just see…

scully! at home!!! so pretty….

skinner is behind her!!! he is MAD! he has been trying to get ahold of her all day! well, she was busy??? cut a girl some slack???

he says she owes him some answers about this mystery pouch. he is maaaad! he has to testify tomorrow!! he harbored a known felon!!! ooo he’s gonna get in troubleeeee

she very calmly explains that the pouch has a rock with some sort of creature in it that she has been trying to figure out all day. she handled his anger quite, well all things considered. never forgetting to say “sir”.

but she doesn’t know where it was supposed to be going. HOWEVER…. skinner does! it was going to dr. charne-sayre!!! 

scully knows who this is!! because she is a nerd. said with heart eyes. dr. charne-sayre is a virologist, who has looked in on presidents and also is an authority on “variola viruses” which means something i’m sure, but it’s a mystery to me

OH! it means smallpox! she has been trying to get people to destroy the last remaining smallpox vials. 

(WAIT IS THAT A THING?? is humanity really keeping some smallpox in some bottles somewhere???? i need to look something up after this and the adjust my levels of panic for biowarfare accordingly.

GOOD NEWS! wikipedia says the last vials were finally destroyed in 2015! that feels like it took too long...

wait. just kidding. it highlighted an irrelevant part of the article. another page says they are still out there, the ones in atlanta and russia that scully refers to in the episode. i feel no relief after all.

the ones that WERE destroyed were 350+ vials of smallpox that had just been lost????? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN???

damn. i need to go down a rabbit hole later that is going to teach me some unsettling things)

anyway, skinner breaks the news that dr. charne-sayre was killed, but blames it on a horse. and i saw what went down and it did not look like any hooves were involved, so idk how tf they came to that conclusion. a choking and hoof marks are not at all comparable??

back to da gulag. a guy kicks mulder and leads him out with a bunch of other men. i find myself wondering about all of the extras there that day, how the filming went. 

UH OH! krycek is up smoking with one of the bigwigs of the gulag!!!! what is he DOING??? the geologist prisoner who gave him the shank says mulder has one chance to kill him, and he pulls out his weapon. OMG HE’S RUNNING FOR IT!!! does he stand a chance?!?

that dude is absurdly fast bro. he gets two solid punches into krycek and steals a truck!!! where is he going!!!

horse vs truck race!!!! who will win??? i hope it’s the truck!!!

so he knocked krycek tf out and took him on the bed of the truck... that is hilarious

i hope all the other prisoners break out too :)

okay, the men on horses are shooting at mulder. krycek wakes up and is slamming the back of the truck. what i want to know is where mulder, who has a famously terrible sense of direction, is driving!!!

he’s trying to hit the brakes but it’s not really working!!! and krycek jumped off!!!! where does he think he’s gonna go 😭😭

no!!! mulder crashes the truck!!! ouch ouch ouch!!

well, instead of resolving that plot line, we jump to the well-groomed man (am i using his name right?) chatting with cancer man in the dark. cancer man bullies him for smoking, as if we don’t only know him as cigarette smoking man or cancer man, but well-groomed man is pissed at cancer man’s various failures!! and wouldn’t you be??

oh!! that person riding the horses- dr. charne-sayre- was well-groomed man’s personal physician! there’s some weird tension between these old men now that he needs the help of cancer man to figure out what went down

“were you sleeping with her?” csm asks, making us all uncomfortable. and well-groomed man doesn’t answer!!!!!!!! EW!!! nasty!!!! he put the mission at risk for his personal pleasure!

damn. hate when cancer man is right about things.

well, i guess they’re both flops at their job. that should unite them rather than pull them apart. 

cancer man asks well-groomed man (and that is definitely going to get confusing quick) to call off "the investigation", which he says he cannot do. but senator sorenson is an honorable man. do we believe him?

i do not. 

somehow, cancer man knows mulder was captured in tunguska and has escaped. i don’t know how this plays into their plan, but cancer man is smirking. suspicious... i hate his creepy smirk.

okay, back to russia. we see the truck that mulder crashed and a bunch of blood on the window, which are not auspicious signs. but no one is in there!!!! the men on horses are baffled!!!

krycek is in the woods, being surrounded by a bunch of people and speaking in russian, claiming to have escaped from the prison camp. they realize from his clothes he is lying about being a prisoner, but they believe that he was accused of spying and take him in?? i guess??

OMG!!! mulder was hiding under a ton of leaves while the men on horses looked for him!!! it was giving a real peeta in the 74th hunger games moment.

so, now we are where we started last episode, with scully swearing to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help her god. and she is reading her prepared statement. people are passing notes as she does so. and then they are rude as hell and cut her off. 

skinner is watching all of this go down, and as she tears into the culture of lawlessness, he does look like he kinda wants to die. but i think she’s serving. 

OMG!!!! they’re taking her to jail!!!! she said idgaf i am NOT giving up mulder’s secrets and that is a REAL ASF FRIEND!!! she’s in jail in her kickass outfit and omggggg what a queen… crossing her arms as she stares out the window…. i love her so deeply 

back to russia, where some guy finds mulder under a ton of leaves, and yells at him for breaking his truck. sorry!! it was an accident. he didn’t mean it :(

the woman he is with is gonna tend to him though, because mulder has that sad puppy dog thing going on. 

she knows some english!!! woah!!! this is convenient for plot reasons and also fuels my determination to keep learning another language so i can be the cool side character that saves the day at least once.

she says that they kill everybody for “the test”, and that her husband makes deliveries, so they spare their lives. but now, no truck…

mulder says we need to get tf out of here, the smallpox scar is tracking you. she says there is an alternative, and gestures to her son with no arms. i do not think this is a good alternative. and the husband comes back in with a knife!!! are we gonna have some hand to hand combat…….

krycek is sleeping by a fire, but then a bunch of people come and get him. one of them has a heated knife!!! are we in amputation mode…

oh. he sure is screaming as that knife is going in… yes, it appears we are in amputation mode

scully is in jail, reading the works of dr. charne-sayre, because she is studious even behind bars!!!! i love that about her. highlighter in hand as she ponders. 

skinner comes to see her! “you holding up?” “i’ve got plenty to read” awwww :( skinner cares about her :( big old softie :( and she is gonna read her way through jail :( she’s just so :(

she clarifies that this is NOT just about mulder!!!! this idiotic commission is wasting time asking about mulder and not about the pouch, the murder, the rock, or anything ACTUALLY RELEVANT at all!!! 

“it is my experience that lawyers ask the wrong questions only when they don’t want the right answer” DAMN what kind of lawyers has she dealt with…? probably plenty in her FBI time. but still. she has seen things.

“it is my natural inclination to believe they are acting in the best interest of the truth” aww… she wants to assume the best of these obviously very shady men

“but i am not inclined to follow my own judgement in this case” <- she said y’all are so god awful not even my natural optimism can salvage this (and i love her for knowing her limits)

skinner makes a remark about following mulder’s judgement instead and i can’t tell if he was trying to be hurtful or not…

back to dr. sachs, dealing with his rock induced injury. NO! the russian guy vassily is here! with a needle!!! what does he need that for??? go away!! i like that rock scientist!!

he’s getting this orange fluid in a syringe and he sticks it into dr. sachs and BLEH i cannot look…………. but the slugs!!! the oil slugs!!!!! 

NO!!! he takes the rock and unplugs the machines dr. sachs was on!!! HE CAN’T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS 💔

cancer man is explaining that vassily was in the KGB… “how could this be? how could the russians know we were working on our own inoculation?” asks well-groomed man, “six of us knew!” 

an anti-alien vaccine! this could be useful,,, maybe? idk.

cancer man is tasked with finding vassily… but he says someone might save him the trouble

cut to scully back in front of the fancy congress slash senator slash corrupt government people…. she has had time to think about the question she was asked.

and she says she cannot answer! she keeps listing off things she can answer instead, but not about this!

OH! MULDER APPEARS!!! “answer the question miss scully!” (mulder voice) “what is the question?”

YEAHHHHH THAT’S MY GUY!!!

HER REACTION TO HIS VOICE… the little orchestral flourish… his beat up face… his stupid smirk. wait i have to rewatch this. LOOK AT HER FACE WHEN SHE SEES HIM!!!

she says that the death of the doctor was connected to the death of the man in skinner’s apartment, and dr. charne-sayre FOR SURE knew information about the virus. and while i am happy for her triumphant moment, skinner walks in and whispers something to her….

dr. sachs has died under suspicious circumstances!!

this is obviously very important, but in the background you can see mulder say something to skinner, and he reacts as if deeply annoyed. lmaoooo we are soooooo back!!

the bigwigs on the council go to recess, and the absolute MILLISECOND that gavel is slammed, these two nerds JUMP UP to see each other, it’s so cute oh my goshhhh it is for sure making my list of favorite moments this season

AWWW AND THEY HUG AND HE SAYS “good to put my arms around you” OHHHHH MY GODDDD OH MY GOOOOD THE WAY HE’S LOOKING AT HER (and the remark about still having both arms she obviously doesn’t understand yet!!!!)

(screaming into my pillow for a solid 30 seconds before composing myself)

skinner jumps in and says “some other time” when she asks how he got back LMAOOO he has had ENOUGH

scully says please skinner let us go to florida for 15 hours please 🙏 it should be quick but if it isn’t please stall for us please sir…. and he’s all “girl just go and be fast about it” (sternly)

okay! so why florida? because that is where one of dr. charne-sayre’s patients at a convalescent home died of a mysterious virus! yes, as we saw in the very beginning!!!!

NO!! vassily is here!!! can he just wander in?? is that allowed? why are people coming and going from this convalescent home…? is there not a sign in process…?

he’s going for the meds. he pockets some meds and replaces them with a decoy. 

“may we come in ma’am?” mulder asks, shoving his way in <- LMAOOOO god that gag gets me every single time 

so they need to look at the elderly, and scully reports that this dude she just walked up to is dead. and he sees another one with the slugs!!!

these people are test subjects, he says!!! and they have to deal this building right now!!

no!!! vassily was laying in a bed and heard all of this!!! what is this mischievous fellow up to???

mulder says all of this can be traced to one man. and scully…. oh my gosh, the side profile, my heart…… 

IS KRYCEK WORKING WITH VASSILY?

scully and mulder go to visit the leader of the militia they busted krycek with at the beginning of last episode. scully looks so good i’m actually going to gnaw my own arm off holy fuck. that blue trench coat and grey suit combo is lethal.

so this criminal is denying finding krycek in a missile silo, and said krycek came to him. looking for help to make “devices”, and talking about this black cancer developed by the soviets, and used in the gulf war. so how did he get out of the silo....

OH! mulder asks where the other “device” (bomb) ended up, and when the militia leader says “i ate it”, he punches this guy in the stomach and puts him in a headlock. and then he says some very out of pocket things i am not going to repeat, but the point is: krycek took the bomb and put it in a storage garage somewhere in terma, north dakota. ah! the name of this episode is finally understandable!

“scully, get on the phone and get the license numbers for any two-ton trucks stolen in north dakota in the last six months, then call canadian border authorities and have them stop any vehicle fitting that description” (said while gazing into her eyes)

(this line killed me for some reason and i can’t even explain it… just such an odd series of commands out of context!)

“someone used krycek, then krycek used us; someone who didn’t want that rock in american hands” ah. so this whole thing has been a set up. you see, i was too busy thinking thoughts like “i hope he gets out of the gulag” and also “man, i hope scully doesn’t go to jail” and “look at how they hugged!” to put that together. sometimes i am a simple viewer making no conclusions about the grander plot at hand! sometimes i am surface level! i am multi-faceted!

vassily is gonna put the rock back in the ground under the guise of fertilizer for his tomatoes 

WOAH!!! agents in a helicopter :0 they look so good….

mulder is trying to scream over the loud noise of the helicopter doing its thing, which i imagine had to be an awful time to film. scully wisely just nods her head instead of attempting to communicate with words.

haha his hair is all messed up from the helicopter… hehehehe…

so he’s looking in the truck for any sort of rocks or bombs or whatnot. he sees some pipes… he is forming conclusions…

scully disembarks from the helicopter, and her hair is all messed up too (my heart!) as she climbs over a fence to get into this refinery. one thing about these two is they are gonna climb some fences!

vassily sees this going down and hides…… mulder is reaching into the pipe…. trying to grab the hidden rock… he is covered in oil!!!!

and it blowed up!!!!!!! 

no!!!! scully sees the explosion,,, and vassily sneaks up behind her and puts her in a chokehold!!! he grabs her gun!!! he says he will kill her but he doesn’t want to? and that his work is done. 

damn, now she’s gotta get a new gun……

she’s RUNNING to mulder who is soaked in oil and has barely escaped the explosion. she is picking him up and then… cutscene to more testimony stuff.

GIRL IS HE OKAY???

i love when they save each other <3 i love when they have to pick each other up and drag each other to safety <3 i love the panicked screaming of the other’s name <3 i love the fast and furious assessment to see if the other is okay <3 i just love these things <3

scully has evidence to present: linking a number of deaths to a biotoxin brought onto US soil! and the man who delivered it also died! and that guy was the man who krycek pushed off skinner’s balcony!

“alex krycek, who is missing and possibly deceased” oh i know better than to believe his ass is dead

the council is whispering… 

they laugh at the idea of extraterrestrials, and mulder also comes to the stand… what is he gonna do…

“why is this so hard to believe?” he asks. hey i know you’ve had a rough go of it man, and there is literally an alien slug in your body, but she was doing so well…

oh! he’s going on and on about how obvious it is that extraterrestrial life forms exist!! and you need to understand this or else you are denying crucial evidence!!!

ah, i see now why the opening text. just as galileo spoke of the earth rotating around the sun but was scorned, so mulder speaks of aliens and is met with disdain. and yet, the earth continues to spin, and the aliens continue to be in his bloodstream.

“this is not why we are here today” “then why ARE we here today?” okay parallels i see you!!!

they recess… and cancer man stands up in the back……..

back to russia, where vassily is returning home, insisting he is retired to someone in his room.

OH! IT’S KRYCEK! WHO IS ADDRESSED AS “COMRAD KRYCEK” bro… he is congratulating vassily on a great job 

and omg… he’s got a prosthetic arm… they really sawed his arm off…

back at DC (home) the senator is reading files and passing them to cancer man, who is tossing them in a bin??? presumably to burn??

HUH! so much for an honorable man.

okay, so much happened here. let me go in order of which thoughts are loudest.

first of all… did they know this was gonna be what they did with krycek from the start? just asking because i want to know if “needs to be fluent in russian” was on the casting call for that role or if they sprung it on him later. because that would be wild.

krycek, working with the soviets… huh. interesting implications.

second. the alien!! there is alien oil slug in krycek AND mulder now!!!! what is that going to do to them? are they gonna turn into living flash bangs like that one lady did in that one episode?? is it gonna slowly kill him? will be and scully slowly die together? i can’t imagine such a horrible thing….

third. their reunion…. damn it, it was so sweet. the way they INSTANTLY got to their feet when the recess was declared… the way he wrapped his arms around her…. oh man. oh man. and the smiles… the smiles……..

so far, s4 has not really been my jam. but this episode was really good and has given me hope that soon we shall be cooking with gas, in terms of both very juicy plot advancement and special agent bonding moments. i mean, come on, lifting him out of that explosion while he was covered in oil??! i cannot get enough of that!!!

is he going to hide that he has an alien slug in him?? is he going to be that guy in the zombie movie who acts like he didn’t get bit?? or is he going to be honest and tell her?? will she try to find a cure? wait, does he even know what happened?? because he was knocked out when all of that went down…

and what about scully’s mystery illness!!!! is she going to be okay?? are they going to be terrified for each other??

okay, okay, one thing at a time.

so, there’s an alien virus in a rock that landed on earth during the tunguska event, and the americans were working on a vaccine to protect against it. but somehow the russians knew about it, and that is likely due to krycek, who was a double agent on like three counts. they killed the leading expert on the virus in order to prevent a vaccine from being developed, and have previously used the virus in biowarfare (so i guess gulf war syndrome is alien slugs in this universe?). the guy that krycek threw off of skinner’s apartment was the one who was meant to receive the rock containing aliens, but was killed, and said virus rock was intercepted by the russians, who are having a sort of cold war 2.0 moment. over alien slug virus. which, if exposed to, will eventually kill you; why it killed dr. sachs and not all of the other men who were at the gulag is a mystery. and to try and protect the americans against this virus, the leading expert, dr. charne-sayre was testing on the elderly. and cancer man wants to cover up all of the evidence which scully and mulder have presented linking all of the deaths to the rock. 

okay. i think i got most of the lore down.

i want to know what happens next!!! but i am no fool!! i know we will be given random monster of the week episodes which are also excellent but tell me nothing about the plot!!! and now that we’re dealing with alien slugs, i’m wondering, what about the actual little green men? where do they come in? is this a third type of alien? because we have the little green men we’ve seen glimpses of, sometimes mixed with human DNA; we’ve got the aliens that were clones from that species with the poison blood and can only be killed with the needle to the neck; and then these alien slugs. and also a few other random non-central to the plot alien life forms, like the ones in firewalker and ice.

where is the common thread?? how can they tie all of these up?? would tying all of these mysteries up even be satisfying?? or is it better to let some things be a mystery?? did chris carter have plans for all of this overarching stuff, or was he making it up as he went?

so many questions! but for me, basking in the warmth of their hug is my highlight 

[caramelmochacrow]

IM BACK! :D (also i have p5R!!!!! :DDDD)

[catgirltitties]

Going back to driving with my folks in LA is nostalgic, hearing songs barely even censored and local rappers on every station. Only difference is you hear kendrick on literally every single station

[itsbebebrainrotting]

I HOPE WATERMUNCH KNOWS THE GHOSTIES LOVE HIM RN

[ace-with--a-mace]

don pedro is approaching!!

[friendly-jester]

gonna be honest- i have no idea what's going on. i've barely been paying any attention whatsoever x.x

[lemonandpie]

This is definitely on purpose. Every sexual encounter between Armand and Marius has this drugged, dream like feeling, and there is a recurring mention of a "honey" that works both to heal Armand and be an aphrodisiac, so I have to assume that's Marius' blood. There's also several instances where Armand begins to dissociate, sometimes because Marius is using telepathy on him during sex.

Marius and Armand's first time feels very feverish in a way I have to assume was intentional considering Armand was delirious from starvation. The religious imagery, the focus on the paintings in the bath, and the flash of Marius' fangs makes it all very dreamlike. Incredibly reminiscent of the maiden dreaming of the vampire, who represents her repressed lust, aka one of the go to Gothic horror tropes

[eliotquillon]

been going down a rabbithole of liveblogged s4/s5 episode reviews / interviews with the showrunners from 2008 and 2009 and so far the thing that’s shocked me the most is that apparently if it weren’t for the strike house’s head/wilson’s heart would’ve been a midseason two parter a la euphoria that aired in the super bowl slot. something about this has shaken me to the core. no wonder it’s the only 2 part finale!

[two-birds-and-a-bush]

i just wanted to say i read your hold form like two days ago and it was so hot. i bet it felt so good to wet yourself~

i want to try rapid desperation so i can really get that feeling of losing control. any tips?

GOD YES it was an absolutely phenomenal experience. wetting myself is always amazing but the feeling of genuinely losing control?? absolutely top tier. I'm so mad I'm not in life circumstances where I can easily do it cause man. (glad you found it hot too :3)

so the general idea behind rapid desperation is that there's this hormone called vasopressin that regulates the amount of water that your body lets pass into your bladder as opposed to reabsorbing, and it acts to try and keep you optimally hydrated. you're not drinking enough, vasopressin levels rise and your kidneys return more water into circulation so you dehydrate slower. you're drinking a lot, vasopressin levels drop and your kidneys let a lot more water pass through into your bladder because you don't really need to hold on to it. and the idea with rapid desperation is that you prepare ahead of time by drinking a lot throughout the day and peeing as you feel the need, to encourage those vasopressin levels to drop and fill your bladder up really fast again even after you just peed. (disclaimer I am not a biologist this is from a 5-minute wikipedia skim and what I remember from my original reading about rapid desperation.)

science aside, this is how you actually do the thing:

anywhere from 6 to 12 hours before you start your hold (whatever works), start ramping up your fluid intake. I was recommended one 8oz glass of water an hour but honestly that's not that much more than what I typically drink anyway, I've found about twice that to work pretty well. I recommend drinking some juice, coffee, soda, whatever, in addition to plain water to make you more motivated to drink. and make sure you're getting plenty of electrolytes too!! water intoxication is real and it can be genuinely deadly in the worst cases.

pee whenever you feel the need, don't intentionally hold yet! you don't want to hurt yourself by holding multiple times in the same day

about an hour before you start the hold, increase the fluids even more, maybe a cup every 10-15 minutes. keep peeing as you feel the need

start holding... :3

keep drinking a cup every 10-15 minutes or so, or even more if you can stand it (funnily enough I have much lower limits during the prep time but as soon as I urgently need to pee I find myself capable of downing entire water bottles and not feeling overly sick/full. not complaining I guess)

this final stretch is where I really wish I'd switched it up with some sports drinks or even like... watery soup or something, cause as soon as the post-wetting euphoria had worn off I found myself with a nasty headache and some nausea and I suspect it was the beginnings of water intoxication symptoms. I downed a bag of chips and was fine in the end but I cannot stress how important it is to get your electrolytes

if you've done everything right, depending on bladder capacity you should find yourself unable to hold more than an hour or two at the most ;-) have fun!!

another pro tip, if you have time in the day to start drinking early, aim to do the hold a good few hours before you would go to sleep, cause afterwards you're still going to be peeing incredibly often from all the water working its way through you and it is Not fun being kept awake for ages cause every time you try to fall asleep you realize you have to piss like a racehorse yet again (alternately I guess you could wear a diaper to bed if that's your thing...)

I would love to hear how it goes for you, if you don't have an omo blog of your own feel free to liveblog your experience in my inbox :))

[emptymasks]

the copyconductor 980 tx instructional audio tape

i finally have the copyconductor 980 tx instructional audio tape in my possession and here's my rundown of it and my favourite moments, basically me liveblogging listening to it for the first time. haven't seen anyone else talking about this tape so here i am.

i'm unsure if transcribing it or recording it would be in poor taste, but also it was limited edition and sold out and they're not going to restock so in a way you could call it lost media. i'm not sure if that would be alright to do.

for those not familiar, it's official stanley parable ultra deluxe merchandise sold by iam9bit, it was advertised and is presented as an instructional tape for the copy machine that's in the room outside stanley's office. what was actually on the tape was not stated, only that it included voice work from a few different people including the narrator's voice actor so since i love his voice so much and i collect cassettes i had to get one.

after listening note: it's basically a collection of different new snippets of dialogue, extra scenes, and new music. it's not one long new ending. a lot of side b is this long bit of the narrator doing one of those infomercial bits like in the game where he tells us how to tell a joke, but it's about what and why sequels exist and it's my favourite part of the tape.

this ramble got long so there's more under the 'read more' cut. but first here's my favourite quotes from the narrator:

"what about CGI knuckles?"

"i'm getting into D&D"

"what mistakes did the original stanley parable make? well to start off most of the pornography in the game was stolen or pirated and it's time we paid the licensing fees fair and square."

"we'll get to you yet, time dracula"

"if you purchase the stanley parable 2 you'll get this cow's egg"

"who gives a shit? all that matters is it's more content to cram down your insatiable gullet"

"it's only through this connection that we'll defeat time draucla once and for all. don't let the time vampire win, purchase the stanley parable 2"

and now the contents of the tape

started out as an actual instructional tape and i was just waiting for when it was going to shift and it did pretty quickly to the classic "all of his coworkers were gone, what could it mean?" the dialogue continued as normal with the sound effects of stanley moving until

"when stanley came to a set off two open doors" okay so far so normal- "he picked up one of the chairs lining the wall and through it with all of the force he could muster through the window" WAIT WHA. stanley walks around outside until coming across some sort of night club and the music gets louder until he enters and then we just get a full track of stanley parable dance music. it's similar to "Falling Funk" from the tspud soundtrack, but is not the same song, it's slower and i think has different instrumentation.

the narrator gives a watchmojo top 20 sound effects from the stanley parable ultra deluxe. i started hoping "8" would be on there since i cannot read the number 8 anymore without hearing "8" and i thought it would be perfect if it was number 8 on the list and it was. other sounds i recognised more than others: the baby from the baby game going into the fire was number 14, number 1 was "jim".

the music track that plays when you look at the cave painting in the museum in the game then played, (is on the tspud soundtrack as part of 'Ambiences') but faded into new slow, haunting vocals. the tape then cut back into the instruction copyconductor man.

when it cut away from him we get a new man "okay this is day number 295, tape number... i've lost track... nothing feels real anymore." the less sense anything makes. [...] the sheer euphoria i feel every time i pick it up, no matter how many time i've done it, the same feeling... and the emptiness in my chest" i started wondering if this man had a bucket of his own. "i still haven't figured out why i see the world so differently when this bucket is in my hands" yep. the bucket man continued to monologue, he start to think about monetising the bucket, charging people to spend time with the bucket, he worries people will steal his idea, steal the bucket, someone or something appears near him. the bucket man stops talking, stares, then says "Gambhorra’ta" which is what the cavemen chant in the previous song, and i'm wondering if this is the name of the god/creature that was mentioned on one of those tapes you could find in game? but it's been a long while since i last played. there's some creature in the room, making monster noises. the tape cuts out. the name appears on the tspud soundtrack "Gambhorra’ta, Treasurer of The Profaned Vault" though that is not the name of the cavemen chanting song.

the narrator gives us a limerick, a little rhyme over some acoustic guitar.

"and now a message from the bucket" [metal rustling noises]

the narrator returns "it's these kids again, always up and around, always talking about it. it's bloody game of thrones season 8 all over and and i'm just not..." he's rambling on about kids and crime and then out of no where "what about CGI Knuckles though?" and it caught me so off guard i had to stop the tape because i started laughing. he tries to keep rambling but he stops, defeated "no one cares, it's all mp3s and pokemon" i have no idea what he's rambling about, he's still complaining about kids, about theatre "i'm getting into d&d though, dungeons and dragons, can't stand those- [TAPE IS FULL. END OF MESSAGES]."

and onto side b we go.

back to the instructional man, how to load paper into the copy machine.

he cuts out to music, gentle guitar, bossa-nova-esque music. ITS A NEW MEMORY ZONE PIECE. i don't speak the language it's in, i know enough to recognise that unlike the french memory zone song from the game, this is in spanish or portuugese (i don't know enough about either language to confidentially say which one, but i recognise some words). the phrases "memory zone" and "stanley parable" are still in english.

narrator "here is a free steam key for the stanley parable ultra deluxe, however due to printing issues all copies of this tape will contain the same key. please confirm online in regards to who show redeem this" he then lists the key. i have no idea if it's real.

back to copyman, he's still telling us how to load paper.

narrator answer machine message "hello, unfortunately the person you called cannot come to the phone right now. please leave a message after the beep". 'thinking theme' from the tspud soundtrack then plays. then there's a beep.

the narrator tells us about night sharks, where it lives, the depth of the water it stays in, how long it is, etc. i googled night sharks to see if the information was accurate or if this was a gag, only to discover he's literally reading the wikipedia page word for word.

a new man "say there timmy, what's that? it's breakfast of course, but did you know breakfast is getting a sequel? that's right. lunch. [...] with a little luck, we may even get a trilogy series out of it. you know what a sequel is, don't you timmy? why, sequels are the worlds way of clinging helplessly onto the past. we all want more of the things we love and we're all afraid of change." in the style of old commercials, it's sounds like this could be the same voice actor as the narrator now doing an american accent.

"sequels are the bedrock of a healthy functional society, and if you look around you you'll find them everywhere you go." "here's the man who invented breathing, which is the sequel to suffocating and dying a slow death. even you're parents are getting a sequel timmy, their names are rod and jessica, as your real parents are getting sent back in time to fight in a secret war for the government." this goes on for a while about sequels, about the stanley parable getting a sequel.

"you're a man now timmy, which is a sequel to being a boy, and you need a man's game. the stanley parable 2 is the manliest game there is. let's look at the burley man who made the game. huh. his name is gregory eightpack and he's the cutting picture of raw masculinity"

"sequels allow us to correct mistakes. what mistakes did the original stanley parable make? well to start off most of the pornography in the game was stolen or pirated and it's time we paid the licensing fees fair and square. second, the stanley parable was catastrophic for a man named leroy, who had his information including home address, social security and bank address which were displayed prominently in multiple locations throughout the game. although leroy's money and identity were stolen, the fact remains his personal information was the emotional core of the game and absolutely vital to a nuance and understanding of the story. as reparation for the harm we caused him, the sequel will contain a brief and insincere apology to leroy tucked deep within the game where it will be difficult to find. finally, the stanley parable made the mistake of leaking too many government secrets about the nature of the time wars." "we'll get to you yet, time dracula."

omg this sequel bit goes on for so long but i love it. i cannot write it all down here, it goes on for so long omg.

the narrator thanks us for listening to the audio cassette. he say's we have a message from stanley's missing coworkers for us! ... there's nothing. there's no message from them... that's the end of the tape...

[magic-is-something-we-create]

ITS DONE!!!

have a snip from the start of the chapter. as a treat

transcript in alt text, as always

tonight's todo list:

get water

get a snack

finish this chapter that's been teetering on the edge of completion for five days oh my GOD

[candiid-caniine]

I was lucky that I masturbated so much that bottom growth didn't shoot my sensitivity up. I don't think I would have been able to handle that

sdhgshdfgsd,,

you know how pathetic i am naturally? like, how whimpery i am, how much i go braindead and drooly over how sensitive i always am and shit like that?

1. i'm 100% more whiny about it irl, my spouse gets to hear me whine and watch me writhe and twitch every time they touch me, and

2. can you. imagine.

just, take my vch for example, which i just answered an ask about. i liveblogged my descent into horny wreckage over a couple weeks post-piercing. or even this last week, when i edged in real-time for you all, and i was losing my little puppy brains over how i had just finished my period (no-touch) and my sensitivity was so high that i couldn't even use a vibe on the lowest setting.

[did that stop me? no. i just got more pathetic.]

now pls imagine putting me on hrt. the skyrocketing sensitivity, the new sensations, even the libido-inducing gender euphoria i will experience...and now imagine putting me on no-touch until my bottom growth hits a certain milestone,, and how much i'm going to fucking whine about it, about how bad i wanna touch, im constantly trying to hump the inside of my boxers, can't sit on a chair without barking abt it, and then.

and then imagine licking your index finger and slowly dragging it down my tdick.

i was going to write more but im so horny i cant think anymore <3

[lavendercatboy-blog]

So I got my girlfriend a present, and for context she is the definition of “boymoder who barely goes outside and cries at the sight of other trans women” (she literally once stared longingly at a couple of other women and said “I wanna look like that” while we were in the car, I briefly considered suggesting we go say hi but she also has crippling anxiety and can’t even figure out how to walk ahead of someone, so that would have been a resounding “no please god I can’t-” from her)

I got her a skirt.

I will be liveblogging about how my beloved ferret is going to probably experience Babies First Gender Euphoria in my apartment and also I’m going to take her to get bubble tea. So stay tuned for that adventure :D