#saw a couple penises what are we euphoria

[ace-with--a-mace]

don pedro is approaching!!

[life-love-and-alcohol]

Heyy I have a request: ok so I have this idea that Chris, Phichit, Yuuri and Viktor go to a Karaoke and they make teams, so Viktor and Chris choose songs for Yuuri and Phichit and like they choose BTS for Y and P and they act like they don't know the songs like "so just because I'm Japanese you think I would know kpop?" And when the lyrics start they both know the whole choreography and song, and V&C just stay like SHOOK jajaja idk something like that Btw I love how you write 😍

aaaa, I call this piece: “How to lose your every follower” by Sofía. Seriously, this is pure crack I’m so sorry. I’m not familiar with k-pop so I had to look up and it was quite a journey XD Anyways….I hope you at least laugh, this is so stupid hahah

Viktor knew there were many things alcohol could do.

Believe him, he had his sources.

He knew, from some vague chemistry lesson at the back of hismind (and that time he accidentally burnt the cabinet), that alcohol was highlyinflammable.

He knew, because of that really cool movie with the injuredsoldier, that it could be used as disinfectant (even though it burnt like abitch on raw flesh).

He knew, despite the fact the labels didn’t warn about it,that it could cause quite fervent phone calls to ex-lovers at three fifteen inthe morning.

And he knew, out from mere experience, that seven shots ofvodka were enough for Yuuri to start stripping.

He wasn’t surprised, honestly, just highly amused, wheneverthe euphoria kicked in and his fiancé started losing garments. It was theobvious, the finale everyone was waiting for, the happy ever after at the endof each fairy tale.

So that night, after he had gulped down his seventh mouthfulof the evening, not only Viktor but also Chris and Phichit knew what wascoming. In fact, anyone who had ever met Yuuri totally would have known whatwas coming. His family, any other skater, that waiter at the restaurant inMoscow that had had to personally detach him from the chandelier once….literallyanyone could have predicted the outcome.

They had just had a competition in Tokyo, and goodperformances always brought the good need to celebrate. The group of four hadspent quite a long while at a bar, emptying their glasses and their wallets to commemoratetheir places at the podium and a close fourth, cheeks pink and endorphins highas they cheered and raised their cups. It wasn’t like Yuuri was the only onedrinking, no way, Viktor and Chris had had their fair amount too, but theyweren’t as light-weighted, and they had a better tolerance.

By the time they left the bar, Chris was practicing his freeprogram in the middle of the street and the lovebirds were all over each othermaking out against any wall they could lean onto. So Phichit, who was the onlyone walking straight, took it upon himself to guide them towards the only neon signthat was big enough for his tired eyes to see, which ended up being a karaokeplace.

Now, one would probably think that as soon as the employeessaw a twerking man, a couple touching each other asses (one of them half naked), and a boy that couldn’t even point at his own face to take a selfie, theywouldn’t let them in. But apparently they recognized them from the competition,and not only gave them a room, but also asked for their wobbly autographs.

Everything was going perfectly: Yuuri and Viktor could taketheir business to a comfier sofa, Phichit found Wi-Fi to update his Instagram,and Chris could break out his portable pole to make the singing even moreintense….but the problem came when it was the time to choose the songs.

Of course there was the full soundtrack of The King and theSkater. And of course Viktor and Yuuri had to sing the Titanic theme, withdrama and tears involved, as they held each other at the edge of the table.  And don’t even get me started on the prettymuch not safe for work Giacometti cover of “Toxic”.  But those totally self-indulgent performancesweren’t the problem. Not at all.

The conflict started when they had to choose songs for eachother.

“Ok, so…” Yuuri hiccupped, one arm around his Viktor and theother around the bottle of vodka (his lovely two V) “I sing with the hottie,you two sing together”

He spit the words rather than saying them, mouth numbed andvoice groggy, pointing at his friends with the bottle.

“Nu-uh!” Phichit shook his head “You two sang together already!I want to sing with my best bro!”

“Awww!” Yuuri threw himself from his fiancé into Phichit’sarms, who caught him delightedly, laughing at the drunken tangle of limbsaround him “Of course we gon’ sing together! We gon’ sing way many better thanthem!”

“Yuuri oh my god, your English” His friend laughed, tryingto hold him to stand still “But I think what you meant is pretty clear: we cantotally kick their asses”

“Oh?” Viktor raised a brow, resting his elbow on Christophe’sshoulder “Are you challenging us?”

“Fuck yes we are” Phichit had to untie a half-naked Yuurifrom his own body before he gave him an awkward boner “What do you say, buddy?Ready to prove your fiancé who has the pants in the relationship??”

“Well, literally speaking, not him” Christophe chuckled,pointing at the exposed blue briefs.

“You know what I mean…come on! Choose a song! Whatever it iswe’ll sing it!”

“Yeah!! Put da’ song!” Yuurikicked the table to emphasize.                          

They both looked away from thescreen, hearing the muffled whispers of their rivals as they decided theirfate, and warming up their throats as much as they could without throwing up.They were ready, whatever the song was, they would turn around and put on thebest show those two had seen in their entire lives.

However, as the music startedplaying, the only show they put up was one of utter disappointment.

“Uhm, excuse me??” Phichitsnorted, crossing his arms “Is this K-pop??”

The speakers were screaming atthe beat of Not Today by BTS.

“You racist shits!” Yuuri gasped,terribly offended, poking Viktor’s chest with much more force than intended “Isthis because we are Asian??? I’m divorcing you!”

“Are you going to tell us you don’tknow the song?”

Yuuri and Phichit exchanged a culprit look, flashbacks ofboth of them singing that track at the top of their lungs during their free nightsin Detroit flooding their minds and tugging a complicit smirk on their tipsy lips.They both agreed they didn’t need to answer that question with words…when theycould just show them.

Grabbing a microphone, Yuuri tore open the last few buttonsof his shirt that were still on and started dancing with the confidence onlypractice and alcohol could provide. Phichit didn’t stay behind, not having todig that deep into his memories to recall the dance moves, and pushing the two dumbstruckwitnesses onto the sofa with a wink. In no second, they were both singingridiculously fluent Korean, swinging their hips, completely giving their backto the lyrics on the screen. They didn’t need them, anyways.

They not only knew the song. They knew the words by heart,and the entire choreography as well.

Viktor and Christophe stared, jaws dropped, until Yuuribothered to lean over and close both of their agape mouths for neither fliesnor complaints to get in. Their voices weren’t flawless, respectable for tworandom drunkards, but shaded by their impossible drive, the energy of theirdancing, and the symmetry in their movements. Christophe didn’t know when wasthe last time he had found a decent rival for his mature eros, but he certainlywasn’t expecting to find some to the tune of K-pop.

What started out as a perfect recreation of the actual choreography,ended up distorting into a much heated up version of the sequence. And beforethe spectators could get mentally ready or pray a rosary, they both got ontothe table with a jump. The song was fierce and potent, way more than they hadimagined, and way more they ever thought those two could dance. But,apparently, they could transfer the stamina they used on the ice onto thewooden table of a karaoke room.

And Phichit decided to try out the pole dance because whythe fuck not.

To say things had turned wild and penises kind of hard, wasan understandment.

But nothing could have prepared Viktor for Yuuri sliding outfrom the table with clumsy charm, and transporting the dance moves right ontohis lap.

He stuck his knees inthe seat, one at each side of the man’s legs, letting his hips continue theirsway in rhythm with the music as he watched the world burning in the other’sbugged out eyes. He stared thoroughly, purposely, hypnotizing his victimtowards his inevitable, hungry doom.

As soon as the music stopped though, with Phichit pantingheavily and letting out a brutal shout of victory for the whole place toacknowledge, all Viktor wanted was to grab his fiancé and make him take responsibilityfor the boner in the nearest toilet stall. However, Yuuri wasn’t having it.Hips still jerking and mouth dripping, he clang onto his shoulders andwhispered a slutty “not today” beforehe passed out on his lap

And that’s the night Viktor learnt not to underestimate theeffects of alcohol EVER again.

Why haven’t they kicked me out the fandom yet?