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ghostwriter (their grandma would tell them she'd lose half her soul)
#or smth smth. having a lot of Thoughts. anyways here's the piece i've been working on and sometimes u have to just say Done#there's a lot of thinks but i am maybe a bit tired and so tmr i'll come in and add all the Tags that i'd personally want to get from myself#maybe i'll reblog the extras tmr too. this is an incredibly self indulgent piece + it probably deserves a tag ramble essay or smth#ig for now we see how it stands for itself + in the meantime:#adamandi#beatrix valeria campbell#hello!! i'm back with belated tags yippee!! alright so for funsies i'm going to make it sound like i'm going bonkers over this :3#the eye shine... the glowy eye... it's like phaethon shine but also smth about eyes to windows to the soul and like#there's two beatrixes here! half the soul. lost part doing things specific to the phaethon and here it's portrayed as tearing off her name#because that's really; truly; when it all starts!! also notable for the ghostly beatrix is i did it more painterly and cloaked in shadow and#fading into the bg. i think i was super duper specificish about where the glow comes from! front lighting back lighting beloved!!! like help#let's put it this way- beatrix face always glowy. important parts of paper also glowy. it's just that different elements are turned away#from the viewer by each beatrix!! also also. let's talk about the very gently implied blood and red etcetera#like the red string is canonical and i love personally the whole red strings of fate thing even though it's not Here Applicable exactly but#that definitely was an influence! and also the blood in the bg... i'm starting to think this is a recurring trend. but anyway shadowy bea#the other strings hang while the red string loops!! so like that one string feels almost alive. it's a sort of whimsical i put on the same#as metaphorical glowy eye!! also also the eye is lowkey influenced by the whole idea of Eyes and Spotlights within the show and also glow#as in power as in heyyy you ever think about writing as a visual medium huh#speaking of writing!! there is no beatrix thingy complete in my head without text sorrry but the black text overlays are always so >>> to me#and in the sense of art styles and overlays shoutout to all the black crosshatching outline thingys because For Some Reason in my mind#of all the characters beatrix feels like the bnw ink printed illustrations you get in books idk#fun fact! i spent so long rendering this and that was fine i liked it! but then trying to figure out text to go on the papers was a Thing#i tried to do. but then gave up on! sometimes i have to pick my battles and graphic design is indubitably Not my passion bc Fonts#fun facts about this is i Actually did start with a quick sketch in mind and there's been so many changed elements. in the og the front#paper for instance had 'ardess murders' written on it and the back one said phaethon interviews.. i like the nominee list better it feels#more narrative-esque and less passive than her just holding her writing.! other elements that got discontinued were that#front beatrix was supposed to blur into the other ghostly beatrix but i couldn't do it without sacrificing clarity so... no... no blurry#oh and the red string morphing at the ends to smth more abstract was always there from the start!! og had more floating papers#and also a silhouette of vincent and a scalpel bc 'one who pulls the strings' but that (pun intended)! got cut (hahahahahahaha) (sorry)#used also to be a lot of print room clutter but that got cut to bc compositionally i made beatrix larger (learned lesson from last art)
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even though i feel like i can confidently tell when a piece of art is generative A/I, i really don't feel inclined or really even justified calling someone out for it due to the precedent it sets - especially when artists who DO make their own pieces get caught in the crossfire for being inexperienced or making the choice to be more free-form when it comes to character design / consistency...
#i can't even really put into words how I can Tell#other than like... random blurry details in areas that would not logically have those details blurred - for styles imitating digital art#what i mean by this is: you can kind of tell when and where a type of tool has been used when it comes to digital pieces#if it looks like an artist grabbed the smudge tool and used it in a small area surrounded by crisper details ... it seems like an arbitrary#- and thoughtless decision#especially when it comes to character design pieces#this blurriness is also present in a type of style that wouldn't see much reason to use the smudge tool at all .. such as a cell shaded -#- toon style with thick outlines#i think what bothers me about this whole debacle is how we're setting up an environment where people feel inclined to lie about using-#-generative tools... part of the problem is the foundation of a/i art to be using people's work without . permission. im sure a good amount#-of artists wouldnt have minded MAKING pieces to be used solely for these type of tools#since generative art has been used as an excuse to replace artists in an attempt to render their work unnecessary or obsolete ... it's -#- become politicized and viewed as anti-artist. which. fair enough. it was pitched and sold that way#but even if like... these initial problems were addressed i feel like there'd still be a lot of stigma associated with generative art#since a lot of people's beef with it is the fact that it feels soulless. and i feel like that has to do with how the generated works are -#- being passed off as completed full pieces and not have any transformative work done upon them#i always joke about like 'they should invent art that's easier to make' ... but i don't want the hard work on my end replaced#just some help really. or guidance on completing my own work. A/I could have -possibly- been used as another form of reference#(if it were more competent. i think it's sloppy as hell in its current state)#but before it was uh... hugely controversial and right when generative A/I got more competent? i actually saw it as a toy.#i wanted to play with it and see what would come out... im honestly just more-so frustrated that it's viewed as on-par or better than-#-work done by human beings. what makes something art to me is if it's been transformed by human intention and connection#and i don't get how it's snobby to dislike A/I art for that reason. why do y'all think artists love when people dissect and examine their-#-work ? art is about human connection. we have ancient monuments and abandoned cave paintings we know nothing about-#- but are captivated by because we want to know WHY they're there. WHO made them. and for what reason#and i think a/i art is a painful reminder for a lot of artists that to a lot of people art is only valued through aesthetic merit#no acknowledgement for an artist's hard work .. their life .. all the personal intention behind their work#it's the commodification being thrown back in our faces tenfold#another tag essay by me. shiloh
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reblogs off bc i dont want to start Conversations based on other peoples posts but re the whole "who is in control you or the character" question, i find it SO interesting because it's by letting myself discovery write that I (for me personally disclaimer) found the perfect balance between intuition and intention. which to preface "intution" is the easiest way to describe how the inside of my writers brain feels bc often i just get vivid characters/stories/images/scenes with little control at first and i have to figure out what they mean. anyway discovery writing is what works for my brain to make intentional decisions because i need to be amidst a draft to get the Story Cogs working, whenever i try to outline before a draft it's always been just throwing things at a wall bc it feels too far away, but because im also using the discovery element to do that it's like. that's where i think the whole i feel like my characters reveal themselves to me comes from. because im always discovering small bits about them even if i've written them for years just but because discovery writing is also what prompts me to be intentional about writing as i write something it's like both are happening at the same time. so the whole "who's in control" it's like...i don't think control is the right word for me at all because its not Me or the Character it's me trying to understand the character to understand + then write my intentions. like neither me or the character are in the drivers seat because there's no car we are in the middle of the story forest and at first i won't know what it means at all except that it is a Story. and my character will start going one way and sometimes i'll follow and pay attention to where they're taking me to figure out if this is the right path/where to go next. and sometimes i'll figure out how to read the compass first and realise i need to drag their ass in another direction
#anyway i just thought this was interesting because i used to think i needed to outline to be intentional/in control of my story#but outlines are too distant for me to feel like im in control so thats why theyre more organisational than creative for me#whilst we're infodumping on process i also dont like the whole are characters Like Real People or just Story Tools#like yes my characters are tools for the story just like how the story is a tool for demonstrating my characters#like again i dont think its one or the other for me#but i treat them as very 'real' (which this can be another tangent in itself) and intuitive is the best way to describe how i process them#but that doesnt mean there isnt intention and control you know#like the reason i describe my characters and stories as 'real' to me is simply bc they are very vivid in my brain#and that vividness often expands the bounds of the story#i want to go on the 'real' tangent the weight of that word one day#i think this makes sense if u know that for me i rarely get 'ideas' i get images#and characters/relationships#and i have to figure out what that means as a story#also no i dont think you need 'intuition' bc thats just the word i use for myself but i do think you need to understand#how intention works w your writing process and what it means for you to be intentional and what helps you be intentional#and sometimes that will be not considering any form of 'intuition' at all#beloved writeblrs i think i need to launch the dallonwrites substack i cant be doing these tag essays anymore!! i need to expand!!! someone#give me a podcast
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girl help not the consequences of my actions
#i have a meeting with a prof tomorrow morning about an essay im supposed to show progress on#which i have not started. nor have i figured out an exact topic for#im supposed to have an outline and all my sources and at least 2 pages 😭 rip me#i think im just going to tell him Listen homie. i am super behind on this essay. please help me figure out what i want to talk about#in all fairness i could have made much progress by now. but ive been procrastinating ❤️#anyway im giving up and going to bed. good night#text
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so much of my blogging whenever I have classes is complaining about them but erm. in my defense they're stressful and overwhelming
#So ermm to vent a little bit#i dont know how to do anything on my own so the expectance for me to be able to for these classes is a lot#Like for this thing i need to write an essay outline based on an introduction paragraph only. which i think? means i have to find sources#for the details on my own. which i dont know how to do#i do know /technically/ but i dont know whats good information and trustworthy sources and also there's so much stuff to sort through#i was never taught how to do it and now when i try its just. confusing and frustrating and exhausting and makes me too upset to even keep#trying to work#and im not even sure what all of these points in the outline means because where it probably wouldve been explained was the lecture which#was canceled and the powerpoint for this week doesnt cover it#and there's the textbook but textbooks are nothing to me i cant process and retain information from them#which hey sucks for my online classes that are wholey based around teaching yourself from the textbooks#(but i cant do in person classes due to transportation reasons + mental health reasons)#but augh#im such a guy who cant do anything by myself and getting the amount of help i need isnt an option idek how to ask for any amount of help#like yeah email my professors but tell them what? i dont know how to do the class i signed up for?#that i dont know how to do basics 101 school shit? like im confused about some of the work and by some i pretty much mean all#and eaugh its not a frustration i can push through because trying to push through it just makes it worse it tips past#''oh idk how to do this. fuck''#into ''oh god i dont know anything about how to function im literally worthless''#which. i think i said earlier? makes it so i cant. work on anything anymore.#but also its not an option for me not to work bc i cant fail bc ill be expelled or whatever and charged money and what then#joyousposting#negative //#anyway sorry for getting suicide ideation over school back to regularly scheduled blorboposting or whatever
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Oh also so many random opportunities are opening up for me. I don't talk about this here much but I'm in uni atm and I'm a huge insect lover, I'm friends with the head of the (tiny) entomology department at my uni, I'm taking entomology in the fall, etc, and the prof said he thinks I could possibly get some experience working in insect collections 👀 a lot of the class is collecting and pinning (and photographing ofc).. I'm super excited even though it is a 5 hour class at an inconvenient time of day lol
#broadly though my schedule in the fall IS inconvenient#unfortunately it probably means i have to quit my job. again#ugh#im so poor i really cant afford to be quitting my job a semester before i graduate but theres not much i can do#im in class all day every day EXCEPT for the days my workplace is conveniently (lol) closed#i dont know what im going to do#ideally i could do commissions to help me get through those months but i havent made any money from them so far so#i dont have high hopes#i have to keep on that grindset though lmfao i do want to be an illustrator#and i have started outlining my first article/video essay so keep an eye out for that?#im probably gonna try and get that done over the summer (with what time 🙄 idk)#anyway. sorry for rambling again#just putting my thoughts in order at 2200#i took my afternoon nap too late
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In hindsight, using the same notebook for my essay notes and my fanfic stuff was a mistake
I can't find ANYTHING
#im having to flip thru ten pages of fic to get to my outline notes#needless to say its very distracting#how am i supposed to focus on the essay??#(yes ik im on tumblr and thats not helping)#lnl
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I have started using voice to text to write my essays and let me tell you this is a fucking g a m e changer.
#i have like a 900 word outline rn and it actually makes sense#like this is so helpful for me you have no idea#writing#essays#academic#memes
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Realizing that I have free will is the most detrimental thing to me rn
#realizing that I can literally just convince myself that hw is just an option and not what I have to do is destroying me (academically)#I have an essay outline due today and I really just don’t wanna do it#like at all#I’m so tired like genuinely#I don’t care abt the difference between Halle cells and other air cells#I really don’t#idk why I took a class I dont care to learn abt#maybe I should just drop it and never let my mom find out…#hourvbrrhbrrhhrhrhrhr#help….#moo.txt
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spent all day beset by a headache that made it too hard to read. this is bad. i need to write another 5000 word essay in the next 8 days or so and i haven't started on research yet
#now the headache is gone but it's 12 am#so i have to go to sleep#at least i managed to write my outline#which should help with cutting down research time by making it more focused on specific facts and stuff#in contrast to my last essay where i had done the research but didn't really know how to say something that my teacher wanted to hear#i know what i want to say with this one i just need some sources to back me up#uni
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Me tryna do the math on my assignment I left Waaaaay too late like is it gonna be better to submit the "draft" (a 200ish word list of possible points to hit with a shitty bibliography) or take the automatic 5% off the grade for submitting it after the deadline but have a rushed together mash of an essay that hopefully scrapes the minimum word count and has properly formatted referencing (possible 10% grade loss depending on where they count each "day" after the submission date and the teach has set the deadline to 5pm like he's gunning for employee of the month in hell).
I think late submission is my better play here but it's half one in the morning and I wanna sleep and never wake up. Gonna be a miracle if I get a passing grade on this essay tbh and that ain't ideal since it's worth a quarter of my overall grade in this class...
#chirping wren#uni life#i have not been helping myself at any stage of this cluster fuck#and i can't even pull an all nighter because i have work tomorrow#and by the time i finish work i will only have 3 hours to finish up the essay#but also i don't even have a passable outline yet
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video editing is going well ive got all the clips paced how i want mostly and figured out how to scale them so now itll just be a final sweep for like adding text and checking if things need shuffled around at all
#its looking like the total time will be around the 1 hour 20 minutes mark so good news for hour long video essay fans#although essay would i think be a very strong word for this i made an outline and then rambled at a camera for a While#also im learning i make mouth pops before i start talking like#a Lot#so thosell need taken out too#but for those parts ill have to wait until travis gets home to ask him to show me osnfksnfkdndn#specifically ill need help with a) adding text#b) stretching out still frames? like pausing the action for a bit while i ramble then picking up again once i get back on course?#c) finding out if theres a way to adjust the positioning for a whole row rather than one at a time bc doing em one at a time is annoying
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painting my sjeychbook cover rn n one side i madokami themed n the oter is gonna be tbhk themed and i love these two franchises. check back in in like a month or less when i end up writing an essay about both of them
#astrids silly lil thoughts#tbhk#pmmm#please help im going bonkers i have my outline 4 my rebellion essay review ready i am scribbling notes in places where notes dont go#(eg my mirror#my legs...my colored pencil case...my socks...etc)#is that normal
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