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overthinkingtaleblr · 10 months ago

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My T.Casket Headcanon Masterlist

Sorry for missing yesterday! I was having a hard time deciding what to talk about this week. Since I’ve been pretty focused on this area of the lore for the past couple weeks, I thought I’d address the head of the Original PIE Team before going deeper into what the Original PIE Team was and what they became. This will also give context for Ghost’s childhood, Ernest Ghost’s whole deal, and other things that T.Casket has a finger in. He’s essentially got a lot of influence on the lore despite being dead for up to 20 years by the time Ghost and Toast found their PIE team.

Which is ironic, because he really isn’t that much of a developed character on his own, I barely had anything on him before starting this.

History Headcanons

While he was originally scared of what the supernatural meant for living humans, he grew to be more calm and accepting as he became more involved with the undead, eventually coming to the conclusion that his initial assessment was dead wrong. He saw the paranormal as just a different type of person, no more or less inclined to violence or danger than the average human. With that realization, he became more and more inclined toward the supernatural over the living, making it all kind of sad when he stayed deceased after his own passing.

Modeling Career It was stated in the videos that some point that at some point in his life, T.Casket was a male model! This was likely meant to be a one-off joke, but I feel like it does add something to his character to have him previously in that type of career. Models are kind of seen as air-headed and self-absorbed, but the career is actually really competitive, and for someone to become well-known they often have to go above and beyond to be recognized. It’s also a job that tends to come with overcoming physical exhaustion and strain, while also not being taken seriously.

All of that is to say that T.Casket being a model before he was a paranormal investigator sounds like a sudden and unwarranted change, but really the only thing he’s lacking is an understanding and the incentive. I like to think that what happened to T.Casket is really simple— he had a live-threatening paranormal encounter he couldn’t deny and became enraptured at the concept. Though he was already used to being kind of blown off, he found that running around claiming he met a paranormal being of some kind had people rolling their eyes at him, even people who were skeptics or already believed in the supernatural. Frustrated by this response but innovative enough to do something about it, he came up with an idea to try to remedy what he saw as the issue— understanding.

In his research, T.Casket found that, at least in the Taleblr universe, it was pretty obvious that ghosts existed, and once he started digging and was increasingly easy to prove it. He approached his superiors with an idea for a television show about attempting to prove the existence of the supernatural, arguing that they were either doing something impossible (meaning the show would go on forever) or something that would change history and the world as they knew it. That didn’t really work, so he also emphasized how a lot of people would probably watch it no matter how scary or not scary it was, especially if it had big names tied to it.

Concocting a Plan After a couple of years of insisting, they finally let him have it… but it had to be paid for entirely out of pocket. Not actually making too much on his modeling salary— and the hours for the show having to operate around said salary— he stuck as local as possible when hiring crew. The “manager” and editor, Teddy, was actually a friend from work who he had worked closely with in the past and already believed in the supernatural herself. Additionally, everyone he got to work on cameras were in a similar boat, being people he knew from his modeling career. And he had quite a few people on cameras.

The first stranger he was really desperate to bring onto the team was Ernest Ghost, an amnesiac mechanic who made it into the news for randomly appearing in the middle of the city one day. The more T.Casket read into his story, the more he was convinced that something else was going on there and figured if anyone would have a personal connection to the paranormal, it would be someone who survived a paranormal event. It also helped that he would frequently post supernatural-involved devices to local message boards.

Ernest was pretty open to joining, so long as his brother from the family who took him in was allowed to join too. T.Casket wasn’t quite sure what to make of Johnny Ghost, who was still kind of a skeptic and only made ghost-catching tools because he thought it was an interesting hypothetical. He ended up going over Ernest’s head to attempt to hire Johnny’s “close friend”, Marion as well, thinking that the one who actually believed in spirituality would say yes. In the end, the believer said no and the skeptic said yes, which while initially disappointing, meant that T.Casket had a team!

It took a little while of training and research to make sure everyone was on the same page and that the supplies they had did what they claimed. Some things didn’t work as intended, and there were some disagreements as to what the supernatural were, but by making sure they were all on the same page, it kept those arguments from happening on camera.

“The Paranormal Investigators Extraordinaire - Now On Cable TV!” The show went off without a hitch and while they didn't fully understand things when they first started, it became easier to understand things once they were able to have a conversation with the ghosts and ask them questions. While the original thesis of the show was that the paranormal were a danger to people and were going to hurt people if they did not know about it, that VERY quickly changed as the conversation progressed.

As T.Casket met more kind-hearted ghosts, the goal moved from banishment to conversation.

An Uncertain Demise

I have three options for who certain killed T.Casket. There may still be other people who were involved, of course, but there are three who I am for certain about could be an option.

Option 1 - CBF was actually a threat to T.Casket and led to him getting hurt or killed. This makes the most sense to me in a world where T.Casket is bad to Gregory outside of possible neglect because otherwise I'm punishing him for an improvement to his worldview. CBF could have been a danger to Gregory without being a danger to his dad, and further CBF could have been seen as just imaginary to T.Casket. Even if CBF wasn't the sole reason, it could have also have been involved.

Option 2 - Darth Calculus got to him. He really didn't like Casket because he wanted the whole paranormal thing to be as secret as possible. He has a lot of influence and is not above killing people. He's also not above killing people using their own children to explain how this ties to the option under it.

Option 3 - Something happened, and it ended with Gregory being responsible for what happened to his father. Jimmy Casket? CBF suggestion? Influence from DC? T.Casket was a bad dad and Gregory fought back? There's many options, mostly because Gregory doesn't remember. I'm not leaning toward this one though because otherwise Jimmy would probably have a secret like "I killed my father!" bubbling around if it was.

Misc. Headcanons

According to the wiki, T.Casket was born in 1928 and died in 1986, meaning that based on my own headcanon of when Ghost was born, T.Casket was 53 when Gregory was born and 58 when he passed away. I’m not sure if I’m going to keep it because I always imagined T.Casket as being a bit younger, but it genuinely works kind of well.

“Casket” was not his original family name, but one he chose to take for his initial modeling career. Additionally, between Timothy and Tommy, one of those names were his stage name, giving himself another degree of separation between himself and his career. He didn’t take Casket as his legal name until after his paranormal investigation career took off.

Though T.Casket frequently operated in the area the modern PIE team now covers, there are many creatures who T.Casket never had the opportunity to encounter. This includes Maxwell Acachalla, who wasn’t undead at the time and the Toilet Toucher, who was actually apart of the team without knowing his own future.

In spite of his level-headed persona, T.Casket is “secretly” a bit of a romantic. I say secretly like that because everyone who knew him personally figured it out pretty quick.

Salt guns and other weapons weren't popularized in PIE's process until after T.Casket, Ernest, and Johnny Ghost were all either dead or missing (thanks Marion). The main way they handled situations was banishment.

T.Casket was invited to do a lot of talks at universities who were incredibly excited about his discoveries. He worked with multiple researchers across the country to prove his theories and is cited in most paranormal investigation articles. Most people who have professional and amateur experience in paranormal investigation has heard of either T.Casket or PIE.

Meaning that Ghost being T.Casket's son lowkey makes him a nepobaby. he wouldn't even have been allowed to keep the PIE name if Peewee didn't have the copyright.

Relationship Headcanons

- Aimee

I like to think that part of the reason why Aimee is so drawn to Ghost is because she knew his father for some period of time! I think that Aimee was either one of his first encounters, or one he remembered incredibly fondly, empathizing immensely with the young girl

- Cardboard Friend

Gregory’s imaginary friend! Or maybe something more? There's no way of knowing if T.Casket was aware of the supernatural aspect of CBF before his death. Our only two sources are Ghost (who doesn't remember and can be unreliable) and CBF (who depending on the interpretation, stands to benefit from lying). There are two directions to take their relationship imo.

Either CBF was telling the truth in its second appearance. I don't remember if CBF said that T.Casket was its father, but I could see T.Casket seeing this childlike ghost clinging to his child and choosing to attempt to raise it like Spooker and Colon did with Woah.

Or CBF was a danger to T.Casket, no matter how kind it was to Gregory, for one reason or another. Maybe it saw T.Casket as competition, or maybe he really wasn't the best father and CBF saw him as a danger. There's many things that could be up, that ranges from CBF being in the right to being severely in the wrong.

- Darth Calculus

An enemy to the PIE team who wanted to see T.Casket dead even if the PIE team dismantled by itself first. Since everything Darth Calculus is doing only works so long as the supernatural stays a secret, he found the PIE TV show especially to be disgusting and did everything in his power to nip it in the bud. He failed, obviously, and ultimately T.Casket didn’t even realize that there was someone out there literally trying to kill him.

- Ernest Ghost

He sprouted WINGS. WINGS. T.Casket should not be picking favorites of his technicians but this guy is literally made of magic. Even if they did not fully understand what was happening to Ernest, T.Casket was So So supportive and interested. They did not come to fully understand that respawns, sadly.

On a personal level, minus the magic, T.Casket is kind of friends with Ernest but they keep each other at a personal arm's length.

- Gregory Casket

His child! His boy! In spite of T.Casket’s romanticism, he never shared who the kid’s other parent was, just showing up to work one day after frequent absences with a swaddle to ask if Ernest or Johnny wanted to be the godparent because Teddy turned him down.

He was admittedly a bit neglectful, always putting his exploration of the paranormal above his child. He could have been worse, too, but I'm not going that direction this time around!

- Johnathan Ghost

Friends through work, T.Casket was invited to his wedding and entrusted Johnathan to take care of his son if anything were to happen to him. T.Casket also keeps Johnny at arms length because he values his social privacy... but that's nothing against Johnny himself. (They're friends but Johnny knows next to nothing about Casket. By design.)

- (Doctor) Johnathan Toast

A British scientist with close ties to the royal family and one of the guests on T.Casket’s show, Johnathan Toast was a researcher looking into how the supernatural could be both dead and alive, arguing that if the reason could be discovered, then it could help to prevent illnesses, bring the dead back to life, or even expand a person’s lifespan. His theories helped the team understand how an undead body might function, which helped them come up with theories on how to communicate with the ones without corporeal form.

The two stayed in touch until Johnathan got a new employer and had to become more secretive about the direction his work was going. T.Casket was pretty happy for him, anyways— he seemed to be much more enthusiastic about the direction his work was going.

- Marion Ghost

Also known as Peewee, Marion was a very close friend of Johnathan Ghost’s. T.Casket knew they were together, though they might have only started dating after they met T.Casket, but he didn’t press them to tell him anything about it. If they didn’t want to talk about their relationship, he’d respect that— not like he was telling them everything about the people he was with, either.

He was eventually asked to come to their wedding and trusted the two to raise his child if anything happened to him. Marion was the most questioning if T.Casket was expecting something to happen, but secretive as always he didn't say. Marion and Johnny ended up the legal caretakers of T.Casket's son by the time he was six.

- Papa Acachalla

They met, Papa was uncooperative, and it ended with the cameramen almost getting shot. This was before Papa had a family-- if he had anyone at the time it was either Sally Betty or Gertrude. Either one wouldn't have pulled him in too much. In spite of this, T.Casket remembers his meeting of the Acachalla incredibly fondly.

- “Teddy”

T.Casket's closest and longest friend, she probably knows the most about him of anyone on the team. It doesn't help much, seeing as she's a complete mystery herself.

She, if anybody, knows who Gregory's other parent is, but doesn't share to be respectful to T.Casket's wishes.

#taleblr #taleblr headcanons #T.Casket #Timothy Casket #Tommy Casket #taleblr pie #OG PIE Team #taleblr headcanon masterlist #headcanon masterlist

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ihardlyknowher3139 · 2 years ago

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AAAAAAAAAHHHHH

(Entry 1)(pt 2)

See part 1 for context

So basically I had a chat with William in person and they told me that them and their partner, both didn’t like ex besties attitude either. This wasn’t the first time I had heard someone in our group say they didn’t like ex bestie personality or attitude. Couple of other friends (let’s call them Sally and Tessa) had told me that when they first met me and ex bestie as a duo they thought that ex bestie was the nicer one and I was the meaner one but they then realized that roles were switched and they wrong and how they don’t really like ex besties attitude. Another recent close friend of mine (let’s call them Shane) had told me that they don’t like ex bestie either and think their pretentious. Keep Shane in mind. Another friend in our friend group (let’s call them sunny) had constantly received bad treatment from ex bestie. Sunny is a hugger so they hug everyone. But whenever sunny tries to hug ex bestie, ex bestie says they don’t like hugs and doesn’t want them. Which at first seems understandable. But ex bestie has no problems with being touchy with the other people in the group. Many times ex besties anger seems targeted towards sunny. In fact before me, ex bestie had been giving the silent treatment to sunny, for drama that ex bestie wasn’t involved in, that actually got sorted out. And for one day just kinda throwing ex besties bag onto a table. That’s it. I think it’s easy to understand why I thought ex bestie was giving me the silent treatment too(that and also another past experience) So I’m my friend group there are 11 people myself included. 6 of my friends from the group have told they don’t like ex besties attitude. Out of the four left there is ex bestie and 3 other people. Although one of those three people has told that they really don’t care. And William and their partner have told me that they are kinda leaning towards not liking ex bestie. All of this made realize that this friendship for me has been too much emotionally and that this isn’t right. So I decided that weather or not ex bestie texts me or not, I am not interested in continuing our friendship. A week had gone by and I actually felt nice I felt like I had a nice week and didn’t really miss their presence. Especially cuz school was still off. But the day before our exams were beginning (which meant school was on again) it was Sunny’s birthday. But sunny had left our chat group on WhatsApp cuz ex bestie was giving them the silent treatment and they’d had enough. But the drama had really died down so we asked ex bestie (admin of the chat group) to make everyone the admin so we can add sunny back to wish them happy birthday. Ex bestie ignored the message. We had another chat group on Instagram where we told ex bestie to make us the admin on WhatsApp so we can add sunny. Ex bestie left the instagram group, made everyone the admin on WhatsApp. I add sunny, ex bestie leaves. This starts a conversation on the group. We talk about how ex bestie is being a prick and I reveal to the group that ex bestie has not talked to me in a week. And I also say how I feel about their personality and attitude. After that the next day arrives. We all slowly show up at the cafeteria before the first test. And to my surprise ex bestie also shows up. We don’t really see each other eye to eye and we don’t even say a word to each other. The first test happens we come back to the cafeteria. This time I hang with Shane and another friend of mine. The third test happens. I come back to the cafeteria. Remember how I told you there were 3 friends who hadn’t said anything about ex besties attitude? Well one of them (let’s call them Patricia) had a crush on ex bestie. They were also in the WhatsApp chat group when we said what we felt about ex besties attitude. And after ex bestie had left from WhatsApp, Williams partner messaged ex bestie asking what happened between me and them. Which to my surprise they said “wdym? Did they say something happened?” Which kinda just made real sad. That after all of this ghosting they acted like nothing happened. More in part 3……

#dear diary #diaryposting #online diary #diary #diary entry #my diary #tumblr diary #personal diary #digital diary #multiple chapters #yea this is just tiring #fuck all of this but also I wanna write it down because I feel things #Spotify

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ultraericthered · 2 months ago

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Respectfully, I'd say you missed the boat here, but I think you might've missed the whole harbor.

The anime's ending to Kurama and Mariko's arc was dreadful and completely antithetical to what the point of it was in the manga. Kurama decided he wanted to be a horrible person and a horrible father to the very end, with his way of "taking responsibility" for his sins and the sins of his child being this cowardly murder-suicide where he dies along with Mariko, abandoning Nana in doing so, and getting an easy form of "redemption" where he doesn't have to stick around to put in an effort to make any more reparations for the harm he'd caused. The anime frames this as the right decision and tries to pull at your heartstrings, but what's actually being depicted on-screen is the final selfish decision of a selfish man. Compare with the manga where Kurama can't bring himself to take his own life and realizes that Mariko saved him from being killed by Lucy because she wanted him to live on, atone for his wrongs as a parent by being the papa to Nana he never was to Mariko, and build a new life for himself where he can make amends for his past sins. Actually living with what he's done and doing his best to both move beyond them and make up for them is taking responsibility. Doing what anime!Kurama did is avoiding responsibility.

It's a nice little moment between Lucy and Nana, but the whole context kind of ruined it for me. Like, was I really supposed to believe that Lucy was making a big sacrifice of her life against some random soldiers with guns? LUCY, who we've seen tear through armed men with relative ease before and do things that such people could never be capable of effectively matching or countering? Lucy's implied survival was not remotely a surprise when I never bought she was in danger of dying to begin with.

The scene with Kouta and Lucy was also ass, and more of the anime showing you something repulsive while romanticizing it and framing it as though it's something beautiful and profound. While I'm thankful for no cousin incest, I could never ever buy that Kouta would ever choose Lucy. In the manga, it's Nyu who he falls in love with and wants to stay with him. His feelings for the original Kaede personality are complicated at best, but her slaughtering his family and traumatizing him for years is understandably a red line for him; he was not willing to forgive such a person, let alone get romantically involved with her, and said that if she kept her promise to not kill or harm people ever again, he would be willing to tolerate her existence and let her live solely because she and Nyu share a body. He'd accept her, but he'd not have to love her.

It was ambiguous if Lucy/Nyu made it out fine, or if shooting the horn off her effectively "killed" Lucy but the Nyu personality might still be there (or the other way around, as horrifying as that'd be to imagine). That's all well and good, but killing Lucy off was NOT the worst decision. Lucy is both a villain and a tragic monster. Her tragedy was always that she was seemingly fated to be unable to co-exist with humanity because she's the Diclonius Queen who has an instinct to kill all life on Earth embedded in her DNA, but that fate actually could've been avoided had only she been treated with decency and like a person, and had she not spiralled down a path of hatred, spite, cowardice, malice and self-destructive choices. Maybe you prefer a version where Kurama dies and Lucy lives and both characters are denied proper growth and redemption, but that's never going to appeal to me. IMHO, the manga got it right. Lucy's story was not meant to end happily.

Nozomi and I assume you mean the Alucard lookalike pedo rapist torturer assassin were two of the things I was referring to with the things that make me go "....why???", the latter especially so. Nozomi could still have value so long as they axed the diaper thing (she's even the whole reason "Elfen Lied" is the title of the series, which makes it strange to me that she got cut altogether, but the anime was never making it to where that got its payoff anyway), but the other guy could easily get cut from the work without anything feeling amiss.

EDIT: Not even a "die-hard" of the manga, as my criticisms expose. I just think it delivered more substance than the anime. Additionally, note that I said Lucy's fate was avoidable, as she was not beyond reach, not beyond reform and atonement, and not irreversibly consumed by the voice of the Diclonius Queen gene in her DNA, so the fact that things ended up at a point where she had to die in order for all life on Earth to survive is the end result of a tragedy, which is what the narrative of Elfen Lied was in large part designed to be.

Rewatching Elfen Lied with friends for our weekly watch party and the amount of potential this story has is near maddening

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silverflame2724 · 3 years ago

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After a Yunmeng bros reconciliation after a night hunt with LWJ, WWX, JC, JL and the juniors with NHS (hosting them for the night) asks how LWJ and WWX fell in love in the first place. JC is reluctantly curious having also missed a lot of context.

No one is really quite prepared for the true scope and behind the scenes context behind the epic lovestory, all NHS knows is he desperately wants to write and publish it.

It involved a lot of a night hunt - in Qinghe - nearly gone wrong, drinking, crying and rough housing as it usually did when it came to Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian. The two of them had never been able to resolve their conflicts in an amiable and peaceful manner like the Twin Jades did and that was fine.

The Twin Jades were the Twin Jades.

And Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng were the Twin Prides. They handled their emotions and conflicts differently and that was okay.

That didn't mean that Lan Wangji had to be happy with seeing his Wei Ying cry. He had barely held himself back from bodying Jiang Cheng for hurling cruel words at his husband, but Lan Wangji bore with it and was glad that he had a lifetime of training his restraint because it seemed like the two of them had resolved their differences.

Lan Wangji watched as the two brothers passed out from the alcohol and sighed, hauling the both of them up and returning to the rooms that Nie Huaisang had provided both him and the Juniors.

Somewhere during that trip, they had been joined by said Juniors - Jin Ling, Lan Jingyi, Lan Sizhui - and Nie Huaisang and the brother had both woken up from the commotion of their joined company.

Thankfully, they seemed a lot more sober as both had similar embarrassed reactions to being carried like some unruly cats. After placing them down and getting the both of them some water, Nie Huaisang glanced at both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian and asked a question that sparked Wei Ying's creative mind, "How did the two of you fall in love anyway?"

"Hm? Oh, us?" Wei Ying asked. "Do you really want to know?"

"I do." Sizhui said. "You never told us the full story, Baba. I'm curious."

"Same here!" Lan Jingyi and Jin Ling replied, one enthusiastic, one a little reluctant.

Jiang Cheng said nothing but seemed intrigued as well.

With so many people looking at them, Wei Ying caved, "Well, if you're sure you want to know......"

.....

"It started on a beautiful moonlit night. I had been a little bored and craving some alcohol so I left for Caiyi and returned passed the curfew to the Cloud Recesses."

"How did you get past the wards?"

"Hm? Oh, it was already partially broken by a fallen tree, it was easy to create a talisman to make the gap bigger." Wei Wuxian said casually. "Anyway! I was just going to admire the moon as I drank some delicious Emperor's Smile wine when out comes the most beautiful boy I had ever seen, scolding me for breaking the rules for trespassing, bribing him, and bringing in alcohol."

".........Bribing?"

"Yeah. I said, 'Emperor's Smile! I'll give you one if you pretend you didn't see me!' and when he told me to look at the Wall of Discipline, I brushed him off, saying that it was so long, no one would read it!"

Lan Jingyi shivered, "You're one brave man, Senior Wei....."

"Hehehe~ it's good that you know it!" He tapped his nose. "Lan Zhan got so angry! Especially after I drank a bottle in front of him and told him that it technically wasn't breaking the rules if I drank it on the roof. He drew his sword and we began to fight."

"You....You made Hanguang-Jun break the rules......"

Wei Wuxian laughed. "Yeah, it was honestly so amusing to see his stoic face break out into anger."

Lan Wangji closed his eyes, "Hmm. Wei Ying was beautiful in the moonlight."

Wei Wuxian turned red. "Lan er-gege, you can't just say that!"

"Can."

"Can we just move on?" Jiang Cheng said irritatedly, seeing them lovingly gaze into each other's eyes.

"Okay!"

What progressed from there was Wei Wuxian recalling how he was brought for punishment soon after, how he relentlessly chased after a seemingly uncaring Lan Wangji, teasing him, poking him, coercing him to break the rules....

Lan Wangji even began to offer some context.

"I wasn't angry. I was barely holding myself back from bending you over the nearest table. That's why I seemed mad."

and

"I always looked at you the second you looked away. I didn't want to be caught."

and

"I hadn't come to terms with my feelings and I took that out on you."

Eventually, they came to the day Lan Wangji first told Wei Wuxian to 'get lost.'

"I was very much remorseful." Lan Wangji wilted. Wei Wuxian comforted him and decided that the best way to cheer him up was through distraction.

"Hey, Nie-xiong, remember that book that you gave me during our study days. You know, that book, the one I never got to return to you."

"Oh yes, I do! A pity I never got it back, it was quite good, but Wei-xiong, what does this have to do with--Oh. Oh no. You didn't!" Nie Huaisang gasped. "Wei-xiong, tell me you didn't!!"

"I did." Wei Wuxian seemed exceptionally pleased with himself, telling everyone how he showed a yellow book to Lan Wangji. The reactions he got varied from shocked to embarrassed.

Wei Wuxian went on to tell them how he caught some rabbits for Lan Wangji as a gift, and perhaps an apology for bothering him.

"But then you caught me sneaking alcohol in again and we both got punished so I couldn't really leave you alone. You told me to 'get lost' again er-gege, I was really very sad. So much so that I was actually going to leave you alone after that. I may be shameless, but I wasn't about to continue to intrude into your space if you rejected me so vehemently like that. You really made me feel unwanted!"

Lan Wangji seemed to close in on himself, "I know that my attitude was beyond reproachful and I wanted to apologize." He sighed. "I don't know why I never did."

Wei Wuxian patted him.

"But perhaps it was because I was two seconds away from pressing you into the stones and just taking what I wanted."

"Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian hissed. "There are children here."

"They are old enough." Lan Wangji replied.

Wei Wuxian 's tone then grew quiet as he told of the fight between Jin Zixuan and him when the peacock had insulted his sister. He glossed over his time in Lotus Pier and merely said he was waiting for Lan Zhan to take him up on his invitations to come to Lotus Pier or even write him letters. He got neither.

(Lan Wangji himself started to realize the scope of his actions and how he never really made an effort to gain Wei Wuxian's trust, but did add in how he went to the Lotus ponds in Gusu, picking the lotuses with stems, seeing if grilled watermelon rind was good, keeping the trinkets that Wei Wuxian had given him throughout their acquaintance, and trying spicy food just to see why Wei Wuxian liked it.)

They met up again at the Archery competition and Wei Wuxian recounted how he met a shy, stuttering Wen Ning and how he relentlessly pestered Lan Wangji, unable to stay too long away from him and how he took off his forehead ribbon. ("I swear I didn't know what it meant! I just wanted a reaction from him!")

They never met again until the indoctrination. And Wei Wuxian told a tale of the abuse they endured under the Wens and Wen Chao's hands. ("Keep in mind that not all the Wens acted like that." He said, looking at Sizhui subtly. "And others may have only acted that way under orders or duress.)

Then came the Xuanwu cave, the song Lan Wangji had made for Wei Wuxian, their plan to kill the Xuanwu and how Lan Wangji had taken care of a feverish Wei Wuxian.

They skipped over the Lotus Pier Massacre, but Lan Wangji recalled feeling extremely worried for Wei Wuxian, volunteering to look for him both during Wei Wuxian’s escape and after rumors of his capture.

The war was in full swing by the time Wei Wuxian exited the Burial Mounds and Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian both told their own perspectives of meeting each other again and how they always fought about the silliest of things.

Post-war was better with Lan Wangji hopelessly pining over Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian beginning to feel something for Lan Wangji through the flower he tossed him.

Phoenix Mountain and the stolen kiss.

(”I thought he was a maiden....”

“You thought someone that was able to press you down was a maiden?” Jiang Cheng deadpanned.

“Hey, there are strong women, you know!”)

Wei Wuxian’s helplessness and rage over Wen Qing’s situation and Lan Wangji’s helplessness and confliction, being unable to help Wei Wuxian, wanting to hide and lock him away.

(”Oh, Lan Zhan......”

“Wei Ying....”

“Can you please stop lovingly looking at each other like that?” Jiang Cheng was ignored.

“Aww, but it’s adorable, Jiang-xiong!” Nie Huaisang fluttered his fan.)

They don’t meet for a few years and they meet through a child Wei Wuxian took care of from the Wen refugees. (Wei Wuxian didn’t reveal the name of the child for reasons.) Wei Wuxian giggled, remembering Lan Wangji’s utterly lost expression as the child hugged his leg. Lan Wangji sighed exasperatedly and continued, giving details of their date and rather sad parting.

Wei Wuxian’s expression became somber as he glossed over the events that came next and somewhat bittersweet as he told of the peaceful darkness that came with death. Lan Wangji told of his grief over his death and how he promised to be better should they meet again.

The two of them filled in the details of his resurrection and the events following that. How Wei Wuxian tried to flirt with Lan Wangji until he became angry like in their younger days, how Lan Wangji was seemingly immune to his charms.........

(”I was not. I was barely holding myself back.”

Jingyi, “Wow, Senior Wei, you really weren’t kidding when you said Hanguang-Jun made your back sore.”

Sizhui, “Jingyi!”

Jin Ling, “Wait.....what?”

“Why is your love story turning out to be a cliche tragic romance novel?” Jiang Cheng said dryly.

Nie Huaisang’s eyes glimmered at that.

“I don’t know! Don’t look at me!” Wei Wuxian replied. )

......how Wei Wuxian got him drunk twice and how he began to feel something flutter in his heart every time Lan Wangji got close.

(”I will not be going into detail. Drunk Lan Zhan is adorable and only I need to know what happened in that room!”

Jingyi snorted, “Hard to do that when we saw a drunk Hanguang-Jun parading you around in his forehead ribbon.”

Jiang Cheng was outraged. “He did what?!”

“I did what.” Lan Wangji was just embarrassed.

Jingyi clutched his side as Sizhui elbowed him hard, “Ow, Sizhui! What the hell?”

“I thought we agreed to not talk about that.” Sizhui’s smile was terrifying.

Wei Wuxian coughed, “Anyway.”)

Before Wei Wuxian got him drunk the second time, they had traveled to Yi City and found joy in solving the mystery of such a complicated case. However,

Wei Wuxian grew quiet recalling Xue Yang’s words to Xiao Xingchen. “I really......couldn’t save anyone, in the end.”

The room abruptly went silent.

“You tried your best.” Jiang Cheng said quietly.

“My best wasn’t enough. I will always blame myself for the events at Nightless City.”

“You were not at fault.” Nie Huaisang replied.

“Nie-xiong......but I......”

“No, Wei-xiong.” Nie Huaisang put his fan down, face uncharacteristically grim. “You know, as well as everyone else in this room, that the people there at Nightless City did not have good intentions towards you. They were there to kill you.” He clenched his fists. “My brother, included.”

“......”

“We attacked first, in any case. You were just defending yourself.” Nie Huaisang smiled bitterly. “Are you really at fault for being so powerful that you could cause such severe damage to everyone?”

“Sometimes......it really feels like that. If, perhaps, I had shown that I was not too powerful, perhaps it would have been different.”

“It wouldn’t have.” Lan Wangji said. “They would have just grasped your weaknesses easier and used them against you.”

“........”

After an extending silence in the room, Sizhui eventually changed the subject as they continued the story.

Wei Wuxian shook off his grief and told them how shocked he was when Sizhui and Jingyi had told him the true meaning of the ribbon. “I just realized that I had basically been propositioning Lan Zhan for a long time, haha.”

“A long time?” Sizhui asked.

“Ah, yeah. I accidentally took Lan Zhan’s forehead ribbon off during the archery competition when we were young. He was so angry but I could never figure out why.”

“Didn’t you copy the rules a lot of times?” Jingyi frowned.

“Yeah, but I didn’t think I ever needed to remember all of them. I just remembered the more important ones.” He sighed. “In any case, either that time or when I found out, I didn’t get enough time to ponder it since Chifeng-zun’s corpse started hobbling out.”

“Luckily, Hanguang-Jun and Lan-zongzhu were there.” Jingyi patted his chest in relief. “I thought we were going to die.”

“You brat, what about me?” Wei Wuxian pouted.

“Hmph, you weren’t reliable, probably.” Jin Ling smirked.

The juniors had a little chuckle. Though not for long as Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji breezed through the Jinlintai conference and stabbing after that. Lan Wangji recalled how afraid he was to lose Wei Wuxian again and how he did the best he could to nurse him back to health.

“Lan Zhan took such good care of me.” Wei Wuxian cooed, scratching the underside of Lan Wangji’s chin.

Lan Wangji’s eyes darkened, “Behave.”

Wei Wuxian shivered. Ah, if only we were alone.....

The pair went on to mention the discovery of the missing Collection of Turmoil page and Wei Wuxian’s feelings about Lan Wangji being so close to him.

“In hindsight, I started becoming more aware of my physical attraction to him at that point.”

Wei Wuxian continued the story, giving some bits about their journey to the Burial Mounds. He even gleefully mentioned pressing Lan Wangji down into the hay when they stopped at some random person’s house and how nice it felt when Lan Wangji reversed their positions.

Later, at the Second Siege of the Burial Mounds, Wei Wuxian said how he expected to be left alone. He had experienced a lifetime of those he loved leaving him behind when it mattered most - though he didn’t quite phrase it like that. He expected this time to be the same. (In the back, Jiang Cheng looked away in shame.)

But just like in Jinlintai, Lan Wangji stood by his side. “Realizing that Lan Zhan would stick by me no matter what, no matter the opposition......it was overwhelming. I wasn’t prepared for it.”

“I will always be on your side.” Lan Wangji kissed his cheek. Wei Wuxian nuzzled him back.

The rest of the people in the room blushed various shades of red.

Jiang Cheng coughed, “Could we please continue?”

“Mmhm.” Wei Wuxian agreed, but still looked lovingly at his husband.

.........

They skipped over the sadder parts of Wei Wuxian’s return to Lotus Pier but did share Wei Wuxian draggin Lan Wangji around the markets of Yunmeng sharing everything that he had wanted to share should Lan Wangji had visited.

“I regret not taking you up on that offer.” Lan Wangji said. “Perhaps if I had, perhaps if I had gotten to know you better in those visits.....perhaps it would have all been different.”

Wei Wuxian leaned into his shoulder. “Ah, Lan Zhan, I really did feel hurt that you didn’t come, but I expected it, you know? We weren’t exactly all that close, so I don’t blame you for not coming.”

“Should’ve not rejected Wei Ying. I was foolish.”

“Aiya, it’s in the past. In any case, we’re together now. So don’t worry about it, er-gege.”

“Hm.”

Wei Wuxian continued the story, saying how he came upon a certain tree - he gave Jiang Cheng a look - and told everyone, “In my heart, I think that moment that I feel out of that tree and Lan Zhan caught me, was the first time I could really admit to myself that I loved him.” Wei Wuxian smiled. “I have fallen many times in my life and had hardly had anyone who could catch me, who could break my fall, who could hold me close and make me feel loved. Shijie was the first one. And Lan Zhan was the next. In different contexts, of course.”

“That’s....oh my god, Wei-xiong that’s so sweet!”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes softened. “Yeah. Yeah, it is. I really, really loved him then. And could admit it to myself. However......I did not believe that he returned my feelings.”

“But why!” Lan Jingyi asked. “Hanguang-jun obviously cares a lot about you!”

“Yeah, but I thought he was just making it up to me.”

“Wei-qianbei, you’re really dense.” Sizhui sighed. “Hanguang-jun cares about a lot of people, but it is only with you that he gets.....touchy.”

Wei Wuxian awkwardly scratched the side of his face with a finger. “Yeah. I know now.”

The two of them did not mention the golden core situation. Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian had just reconciled and the revelation of the golden core was a....difficult topic to broach. They moved on to arriving in Yunping and mention discussing what to do next. But, they didn’t mention the details.

“Let’s just say that things happened and we misunderstood each other and leave it at that, okay?” Wei Wuxian blushed and Nie Huaisang looked between them, something knowing in his eyes.

“Aaaaanyway, I arrived at the Guanyin temple and was safe and just observing the situation when Jin Ling was in danger so I graciously saved him.”

“Hey, I had it covered!” Jin Ling squacked indignantly.

“What is this about?” Jiang Cheng asked suspiciously.

“Weeeeell, Little Jin Ling here was led to the temple by Fairy and wanted to peak over to see what was up and ended up nearly getting an arrow to the face!”

“Jin. Ling.” Jiang Cheng gritted out.

“Let’s just continue the story! How did you confess?” Jin Ling shouted.

Wei Wuxian grinned but nevertheless answered the question, “Hm, it was quite simple, actually. It only took Lan Xichen telling me what you sacrificed to help me and calling me your “only mistake” to really knock some--”

“Brother did what.” “Lan Xichen did what.” Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng darkly interrupted.

“Oh, uhh, I mean. Umm, calm down? You two look like your out for blood. Calm down! It’s in the past.”

“No.” Lan Wangji growled. “No, Brother does not have the right to say that. You were not a mistake, never a mistake. You are the one right I’ve made in this world, Wei Ying.”

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian’s face flared red.

“Lan Wangji, I have some words for your Brother.” Jiang Cheng said.

Lan Wangji nodded.

“Aiya, you two. It’s been what, months? Don’t worry about it!”

Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng did not look like they agreed with that sentiment.

“So, Wei-xiong, how did you end up confessing?”

“Oh, uhh, well, umm, Jin Guangyao had a chord to my neck so I made the executive decision to try and shock him with a confession of what I wanted Lan Zhan to do to me.” He could not get the blush off of his face for this. “In.....In bed.”

The faces of most everyone in the room went shockingly red.

“Of course I properly confessed right after that! But--”

“Wei Wuxian, how could you be so shameless?!”

“Hey, I had to shock my captor into releasing me!”

After a few more grumbles, everyone decided to get some dinner considering how late it had gotten.

“Well, Wei-xiong, I’d say that was a wonderful love story, but it sounds too much like those cliche tragic romance novels, right? Though the only differences is that you got a happy ending in the end.”

“Hmm, yeah. I never really thought about it like that. But it really does seem that way, haha!”

Lan Wangji settled by Wei Wuxian’s side, hugging him close and Nie Huaisang watched them and wondered.

Bonus:

“L-Lan Zhan! Th-There’s. There’s a book! I knew Nie-xiong was up to something!! Look, he actually published our story!!”

Lan Wangji set down his work and took a brief scan of the book. “It does not have our names. And some of the details are exaggerated.”

“I know.” Wei Wuxian slithered his arms around Lan Wangji’s back. “And er-gege, there are some scenes that might inspire you tonight.” He smirked as Lan Wangji’s gaze got dark.

“Mark your words.”

“Oh, they’re marked alright. Give me your best, Lan Zhan.”

_________________________

This....certainly took me a while. Hope this was what you wanted!

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rawbin69 · 4 years ago

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*Slowly walks up to you, cradling this*

*Gently sets it down in fromt of you*

*SPRIN TS THE FUCK AEWAY IN PANIC*

Okay anyways hi I’m back after like, months lol, sorry about that (but I’m not actually back because I’m busy trying not to die because of school-work and trying to work on some MAP parts. I literally said five days ago on my yt channel “Hi I’m back now!! :-D” and school just said “no <3″ which, um, rude. So yeah I might come on and occasionally come post something but I’m really not gonna be coming on here to be active

OKAY OKAY but I need to explain these sketches because they will be suuuper confusing without context, I am very aware, yes, so there’s an explanation (+ some extra art and a non-shaded version of the stuff above) under the cut :-)

BASICALLY, @lulzyrobot made this AU of Pokémon Sword and Shield and now I have brain rot because of it. Also this AU will indeed be confusing to those who have no knowledge about sword and shield so here’s a skippable paragraph about the game:

(OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS BELOW)

Basically, SwSh is just a Pokémon game (no surprise there) and its gimmick or whatever is Dynamax, which turns Pokémon like. Really fucking large. (Some of them can also Gigantamax which changes their appearance as well as size, but we don’t care about that here bc it really isn’t relevant). In all gyms (except one, Spikemouth) there are power spots, which are needed for a Pokémon to Dynamax. If they’re not close to a power spot, they can’t do it. There are also power spots in the Wild Area (which is, you guessed it, an area in the game). At one point in the game, the villain -- Chairman Rose -- starts up something called “the Darkest Day”, which happened before in the Galarian region (which is where everything takes place), in hopes of getting infinite energy for them or something like that (really makes no sense but like ok pop off ig). To do this, he basically uses these things called Wishing Stars -- which are what allows Pokémon to Dynamax -- to summon a Pokémon called Eternatus. In-game, you basically just summon two other legendaries (Zacian and Zamazenta -- they’re on the cover of the games) and fight Eternatus and then catch the fucker. That’s all context you need for this AU so let’s move on to that now:

The AU is basically that Eternatus sends out a powerful blast which fuses trainers with Pokémon, to varying degrees. The closer to a power spot you are, the more likely you are to get it bad. If you’re far enough from one you won’t be affected at all. A person can merge with multiple Pokémon, but the more of them, the harder it is to not go wild. If you merge with a wild Pokémon, you’ll become a Wild Trainer (and those basically act like, well, wild Pokémon).

If you want more info (which you do want, trust me on this), here’s a post made by the creator themself!! https://lulzyrobot.tumblr.com/post/610890677032747008/pokemon-dynamorph-au-masterpost

OKAY ANYWAY, back onto this specific sketch (wow I really went on a rampage there lol)

I decided to Dynamorph my trainersona(??????) (btw, both the Dynamorph version AND the “human” version are WIPs, I’m not completely happy with either of them) and this was the resuulltttt

- Their name is Robin (because I’m a bastard that does self-insert ships with no shame)

- They merged with their Arcanine (and I’m considering also adding a wild Lycanroc, both so I can give them Epic Claws™ and so that their whole extremely volatile nature makes any sense)

- They have some REAL trouble keeping themself in check. Like. They’re constantly on the edge between becoming a Wild Trainer and being “normal”

- Because I am, like I said, a bastard who does self-ships without any shame they are together with Piers. yes I am a simp for him.

- Robin has their select group of friends (made up of all gym leaders minus Opal because they have no idea what the fuck is up with her, as well as Marnie, Hop and Leon. No they don’t give a shit about Bede) which they are super protective of. They have to be reminded that they can all handle themselves, because they might otherwise become a bit possessive.

- While they are a raging storm you do NOT want to get involved with in any way to anybody outside their friend group, they are really nice to be around when they really care about you. They may be pretty stubborn, but they always do what they think is best for their loved ones. On multiple occasions, they’ve gone out to collect any sorts of gifts they can find that they think their friends will enjoy. They are super gentle and kind with Hop and Marnie (which, by the way, they’d literally die for either of them) and they’re overall a good friend/partner. Their main flaw here is their temperament and somewhat possessive nature.

- If anybody did something to even moderately hurt any of their friends... hoo boy, you do NOT want to do that. They’ve nearly killed people for leaving so much as a scratch on their loved ones, and have to be physically dragged away so they won’t really kill somebody.

- However. Despite really, truly believing they'd never, under ANY circumstances, hurt ANY of their friends... they’re wrong about that. The only ones they could truly never purposely cause harm to would be Piers, Marnie and Hop. Yes, it would take A LOT for them to hurt any of the others (like, they’d only hurt the others if they tried to, idk, kill them or something. Or if they tried or actually did kill somebody else in their close circle) but it could hypothetically happen.

- If they ever were to see Rose, he’d probably be torn to shreds on sight. Literally nothing would be able to stop them.

- While it’s near impossible for anybody they don’t care about to calm them down, it’s pretty easy for especially Hop, Marnie, Piers, Raihan, Leon and Milo (and the others, but less so for them lol).

- They were right by a power spot, like they were about to step into a den, when the blast happened so they were. Really fucking affected by it. They stayed in the Wild Area for a while after that, searching for their Arcanine who had “mysteriously vanished”, before they transformed. They were basically a Wild Trainer for at least a month before Piers found them and managed to get them to remember who they actually were over the course of two days. It was,, really concerning when they’d at first been texting him pretty much non-stop to update him on what was going on with them just to then go radio silent for a few days, especially since people had begun transforming at that point. Haha angst go brrr

- You must ignore how their clothes still kind of fit despite them growing to be both more ~muscular~ and tall and how it’s not dirty for the sake of my convenience ok

Ok I think that’s all? woah that was a long post lmao

Anyways, here’s the promised extra art (first one is the same sketch without any shading and that stuff (buT I MISSED ONE, I DIDN’T REMOVE THE SHADING FROM ONE I AM SORRY LOL), second is Robin as just a regular trainer)

Oh also some context for some of the sketches:

Bottom one where they’re screaming “yOU mOthErFuCKeR” is what their reaction would be to one of their loved ones being killed

The one with Milo is Robin just. Being near him. After probably having some sort of panic or anxiety attack because they’re worried about everyone. Because Milo is a really calming person to be around.

Top one in the middle is Robin just patting the red eye-lens-things Raihan got from his Flygon because they find it to be Very Entertaining to just pat them for no reason at all.

The ones where they’re hugging Marnie would take place right after they come back to Spikemouth after their month(s) as a Wild Trainer. They still weren’t used to being around people (and much less BEHAVING like a PERSON) so they were pretty awkward about Marnie hugging them.

The one where they’re surrounded by darkness to the right and kneeling forward is them in the middle of their “transformation” after the blast happened.

Fiery ones at the top right are just Robin being pissed as fuck lol

(Still haven’t decided if this will be the “official” team of Pokemon I have, but it’s cool for now. Also yes, I added an extra Pokemon to my “team” who isn't actually a battle-Pokémon or whatever. I NEED APPLETUNS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT OKAY)

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gffa · 5 years ago

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ALL RIGHT THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG, BUT BEAR WITH ME. I rewatched all of The Clone Wars recently and it was a great way to look at both the details of each episode and get a sense for the bigger arc, because I was watching them all at once, both The Wrong Jedi arc and the Protocol 66 arc, the latter of which I think is super important to the context of the former, especially because they are right next to each other in the course of the series. Here’s the thing that surprised me the most about this arc: Ahsoka immediately didn’t trust anyone when she was framed. She instantly went on the run instead, she never tried to contact any of the other Jedi, not the Council, not even her own Master. She immediately ran and never put her trust in anyone else. I don’t know that this was the narrative intention, I would almost put money on that it’s probably not, but sometimes in writing characters when you’re true to them and how they would react, unintentional themes will rear their heads and be just as important. Now, she’s not necessarily wrong to have done this, because we’ll see Fives does trust in the system and he’s murdered for it anyway. Would Ahsoka have turned out the same? Possibly, she’s definitely not wrong about the system being stacked against her. But ultimately its not her own efforts that save her, but Anakin’s investigating as her Master. Possibly not, she doesn’t have a chip in her head that leads straight to Order 66 and Darth Sidious himself making sure she absolutely has to die. Oh, he wouldn’t have minded, but it wasn’t his direct goal. Ahsoka has a right to feel wary, because Anakin didn’t go visit her while she was in jail. Anakin’s right, they absolutely would have used it against her, it would have made her look even more guilty, and he was trying to give her the absolute best shot possible. This is almost assuredly the same exact reason the Jedi don’t go visit her after she’s expelled, because they do protest the entire way and a huge point is made about how she needs to get a fair trial, that the Senate is forcing them to expel her so that the Jedi won’t be accused of not taking this seriously, because they’re in a war and sedition/treason is an incredibly huge deal. And that’s also the thing--it’s easy to say that they should have stuck by Ahsoka (and I don’t disagree, they don’t disagree, they directly apologize to her for all of this!) but it’s still true that the Jedi were absolutely railroaded here. They worked to keep this a Jedi matter, but Tarkin and the Senate said that it involved the deaths of clones and Republic citizens, so she had to face a Republic trial. This is brought up like four separate times over the course of the arc, that the Jedi do not really have jurisdiction here. (And, yes, they did try to keep her there--that’s the whole point of showing Tarkin forcibly strong-arming them and saying what they believe doesn’t matter. That’s the whole point of Mace saying, “Let’s hope we can keep her here.”) This is also why the Protocol 66 arc is so important--Shaak Ti practically breaks her back trying to get Tup and Fives to the Jedi and she is roadblocked at almost every single turn or else plotted against behind her back to literally kidnap them away from her. She argues that they have jurisdiction here as Generals in the war, but the Kaminoans argue right back that the clones belong to them, and then the Chancellor’s office gets involved and there’s even less chance to get them to the Jedi, because the Senate’s involved now and what they say goes more than anything. Further, these two arcs are important as bookends to each other in two really important ways: 1. Each of them has a moment where the fugitive is finally caught. Ahsoka dives down into the lower levels of Coruscant to evade capture. Fives makes his case to Shaak Ti, who says she’ll take this seriously. They both ask a Jedi to trust them, but one turns himself over and one goes on the run. Again, who’s to say if Ahsoka made the better choice, because she is the one who lives, but Fives was basically dead the moment he started looking into this, no matter what. The point isn’t the outcome, but more that the Jedi don’t just throw him to the wolves, they fight to take this seriously and fight to find out the truth.

2. The cases against Fives and Ahsoka have some really fascinating parallels in that they’re both accused of a murder they didn’t commit (against Letta, against the Supreme Chancellor) and there’s footage of them running/seemingly attacking others along the way. This is important because, if you strip away the context of what we, the audience knows, Ahsoka looks incredibly guilty. There’s footage of her apparently choking Letta to death.

She runs away from the Jedi from the moment she’s set-up, even not trusting her own Master. She refuses to turn herself in or even contact them to tell them her side of things. There are dead clones in the path she takes out of the detention center, which appear to have been killed by a Force-wielder. She’s seen working and escaping with a known Separatist terrorist--because they have no way of knowing that Ventress has broken with the Separatists. Ahsoka herself says, in this arc, that she never saw her and Ventress working together, showing that it’s pretty hard to believe even when you’re in the middle of it, much less from the outside!

Eventually, she’s found and captured, while in possession of the very nano-droids that were used to blow up Jackar Bowmani in the Jedi Temple. If you take out the context of us seeing Ahsoka’s reactions and how she put these pieces together (which no one else in universe would know), it isn’t just the frame job that makes her look guilty, but that her own actions contribute to the way this looks from a distance. The evidence that piles up is really damning, that it’s not just one or two coincidental things, but an entire case against her! But they know Ahsoka, they have to know she couldn’t have gone to the dark side like that! And that’s why the beginning of this arc has a line that’s so easy to miss but it’s so important:

“There are many political idealists among us.” “But a traitor?” “I’m afraid one can eventually become the other. Remember Count Dooku and General Krell. That’s how they started too.” This has already happened before, that someone they thought they could trust turned out to be capable of terrible things. This entire arc cannot exist without the context of knowing that there is a Jedi in the Temple right now who is betraying them, that if Barriss had been in Ahsoka’s position for all of this, it would be entirely possible that she would have acted the same way from an outsider point of view. And how easy is it for us, even knowing that she absolutely is guilty, before we watched the end of this arc, to go, “But Barriss would never do that! I cannot believe she would have fallen so far!” It also cannot exist without the context of another important thing--and this was a deliberate detail put into the episode, as Dave Filoni comments on in one of the featurettes for this arc, how they deliberately had Anakin chasing her, because it was a moment of foreshadowing for Darth Vader to be chasing a Jedi down. Darth Vader looms over this arc in a way that deepens the context. Darth Vader, who is right there and the Jedi are trusting him, too. Trusting him to be impartial when looking into whether a Jedi was behind the bombing. Trusting him to be impartial when chasing after Ahsoka: Mace: “I think it would be best if Skywalker stayed here. Having you involved may actually make things worse.” Anakin: “Master Windu, with all due respect, she is my Padawan.” Mace: “The reason for you not to go.” Obi-Wan: “I think we're being foolish if we take Anakin off this mission. Who knows her better?” Mace: “He's emotionally tied to her. Probably too emotional to do what needs to be done.” Anakin: “I'd rather capture Ahsoka and find out the truth then let her run because of a lie.” Yoda: “You must prove to us that you will stay focused. Can you?” Anakin: “I've already alerted security on the lower levels to be on the lookout for Ahsoka.” Yoda: “Go swiftly then, Skywalker, and bring back this lost child before it is too late.” The point is that it’s incredibly hard to know who to trust, it’s easy to say with an omniscient point of view of the entire story and 20/20 hindsight, but they have concrete examples of people who have betrayed their trust before, so it’s entirely reasonable for them to recognize that someone else may betray them, too. That talking to them and showing that you’re willing to extend trust, that you’re willing to do this with a clear focus, is what gains their trust. And, yeah, for all that the context of Darth Vader is hanging over this arc, it’s also true that they’re right to trust Anakin in this moment. It’s his actions that save Ahsoka and bring the truth to light. As a fun bonus, this is all while the Force is so clouded with the dark side that Mace already said way back in Attack of the Clones, at the start of the war, that their ability to use the Force is diminished. The psychic stress that must put on them (as people who can feel the entire weight of a planet on their minds), that the normal non-psychic stress of being in a war that there are too few of them and they’re dying in it is already pushing them to their limits, including that the dark side is hampering their ability to cut through the fog, it’s reasonable not to blindly trust people. Baby Darth Vader being right there is a giant neon flashing light pointing to this. They want to treat Ahsoka fairly, but she isn’t giving them anything to work with, because she doesn’t trust them, either. Which is why I keep coming back to that line she says when she leaves Anakin and the Jedi, her reason for doing it: “Why are you doing this?” “The Council didn't trust me, so how can I trust myself?”

Earlier, she says, “I don’t know who to trust!” Then she begs Anakin to trust her. And ultimately she doesn’t know if even she can do that. Because trust is at the heart of this entire storyline. The opening quotes reflect this very nicely, too: 5.19 – Sometimes even the smallest doubt can shake the greatest belief. 5.18 – Courage begins by trusting oneself. 5.19 – Never become desperate enough to trust the untrustworthy. 5.20 – Never give up hope, no matter how dark things seem. An interesting note from one of the featurettes as well is that, originally, Ahsoka was going to rejoin the Jedi Order and that was going to be that. They changed their minds because the opportunity to do something else with Ahsoka was more tempting. Which says to me that this wasn’t an arc about exposing a fundamental eventuality, but instead about a far more complicated situation. Again, Ahsoka’s not entirely wrong or right in the way she goes about this. We can’t say for certain what would have happened if she’d trusted other people, all we can say is that she didn’t trust any one when she ran, that ultimately that she doesn’t feel she can trust herself by the end of it and Anakin was the one who finally cleared her name, not her own efforts. That she shows incredible fortitude for not giving in to the dark side, even when she was isolated. By the same token, the Jedi aren’t entirely right or wrong in the way they go about this. I do think they should have visited her, even though Tarkin would almost assuredly have used it against Ahsoka to make her look guilty, but to say that they just abandoned her and never tried to help her, that they totally betrayed her when she was clearly so innocent, that they never even said sorry--that’s incorrect, too. Both sides were right and wrong. It’s easy for us to feel for Ahsoka because we love her and her goodbye is incredibly heartbreaking, it’s so easy to trust her when we’re shown all the scenes of how this connects together and we see her reactions, that the story trusts us to let us in on her side of the events that happen. It’s so easy because she feels very vulnerable and she was a victim of a really shitty situation. It’s so easy because this is an incredibly harrowing experience for her and she stayed true to the light through it, through her own resilience. But stepping back from those feelings, hard as it was for me to do, let me see that Ahsoka failed in some important ways as well as that the Council failed in some important ways and that's why she herself decides that she needs to go figure herself out on her own, away from the Council and even away from Anakin, who was the one that always believed she was innocent and trusted her. Because it wasn’t just about other people, it was about her and her own actions. I had all of this put together just from watching these two arcs, but then I started watching the story reels, including, “In Search of the Crystal” where Obi-Wan and Anakin have a conversation about Ahsoka leaving and Obi-Wan says, “I will grant you mistakes we made but she chose to leave. Part of the Jedi way is not letting emotion cloud your better judgement. And that's precisely what Ahsoka did. Even in her most critical moment.”

Not too long ago I was watching the featurette for “The Lawless” where Dave talked about Obi-Wan (more in the context of how he cannot embrace the dark side) and how the events were written to show that he’s a true Jedi, that he sticks to the bigger themes of Star Wars, which that’s how Dave sees Obi-Wan. I was reminded of that, in that Obi-Wan is, for all that we give him shit about the “from a certain point of view” line, actually a really reliable narrator when it comes to emotion and how it can cloud a Force-sensitive person’s mind. Obi-Wan’s right, especially because it’s pretty easy to make the inference that he’s one of the Council who voted in favor of Ahsoka, that he believed in her, even as he recognizes that her emotions clouded her judgement. Even in her most critical moment. And when I went back to do my rewatch of The Clone Wars and these arcs, that became a lot clearer when I stepped back from my own emotional reactions to how much I love her and think she’s an incredible, good-hearted, kind, and compassionate person. Because even the best of people can be both wrong and right at the same time.

#obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #ahsoka tano #mace windu #jedi order #meta #long post #really long post

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dafuq-i-did-not-sign-up-for-this · 4 years ago

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The Sparrow Academy

Good day and enjoy my 2AM caffeine infueled theorizing shenanigans about the end of season 2 of The Umbrella Academy and a possible season 3 scenario. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

As I’ve announced in my last post, I’ll focus on the Sparrow Academy in this one, cause I have a lot of thoughts on those motherfuckers.

Most importantly, to quote Emo-Ben: Who the hell are these assholes?

There have been several theories going around the net. First I’ll deal with the most popular one: Reginald, upon witnessing the Umbrella Academies failure in 1963, adopted a different set of children. Ben is still part of the team, because he wasn’t with them.

Excuse my wording, but I must call bullshit.

Lets for a second assume, Reggie can’t time travel or look into the future (the possibility exists, we don’t know shit about dear old alien asshole dad). Reginald adopted them all as babies. He had no idea what they would look like as adults, nor did the crew give him their places of birth or the names of their mothers, because they do not have that information.

So if he really adopted different children, there must have been some other trigger. Something changing the timeline. Perhaps it has something to do with Harlan. Maybe he, as a possible co-founder of the Sparrow Academy, picked out the children instead of Reginald. In that case it would’ve been an incredible coincidence if he had chosen the exact same ones Reggie did in the original timeline.

Again, we don’t know much about Reginald. In the graphic novels, his monocle shows him what a person truly is, so maybe he used that to determine the childrens powers before adopting them. Speaking against that would be, that it is heavily implied in the Vanya flashbacks and his notes on her, that he first had to work out the childrens powers himself. So if he was able to see their powers as kids with the monocle, why would he have to monitor them in their sleep and why did he only notice how dangerous Vanyas powers were when they were four? Regarding that, we don’t know if the show has actually adapted the monocle thing, but in case they did, the theory could make sense.

A simpler reason for why the Sparrow Academy might consist of other characters, is cast and filming issues. Having the same set of actors act two different characters in the same scene, interacting with each other, would make the production incredibly difficult and long lasting. I’m not familiar with every little computer trick the film industries has, but I can imagine it won’t be easy, especially because the Sparrow and Umbrella Academy will probably be pitted against each other, possibly even fight more than once. They will have to interact in the same frame eventually.

Then there’s also the graphic novels. In those the Sparrow Academy has different characters, making it likely for the show to adapt it.

What bugs me about this, is Ben. What is he doing there?

If Harlan picked different children, it would be a great coincidence if he picked Ben of all people. Again, maybe Reggie checked with his monocle and didn’t recognize him. (Personally I think the monocle theory is very unlikely).

I think it’s simply writing. A plot device to bring Ben back into the show, after killing him, and having his siblings interact with this new version of him. Lets face it, the Ben we know and love is dead, this guy will be a vastly different person. Hell, we don’t even know if he’s even called Ben. Anyway, it will make for a really good fucking storyline. First killing him and perfectly resolving his character arc, then bringing him back in as an alternate universe version, completely reasonable and understandable regarding the plot, because they fucked up the timeline? Give those writers a price and some good fucking coffee, I mean it.

But if Ben isn’t just a plot device, again, why him? It could be an indicator for the original crew meeting their alternate universe selves. The Umbrella Academy could have turned into the Sparrow Academy, with a different upbringing. Maybe they’re all emotionally stable, and maybe Reginald wasn’t such an ass to them and that’s why they stayed.

We also know that Bens death was the drop that made the barrel overflow. Because he died, they disbanded. In this AU he’s alive tho, and he also seems to have grown up to be something like a leader? Academy strongest?

He could be the reason they are still wearing those stupid uniforms in their thirties.

And looking at the uniforms: in the last scene of season 2 we see five silhouettes (and some weird cube thing, don’t get me started on that). Assuming all of them wear their uniforms fitting their gender, two of the silhouettes would be female, as they look like wearing skirts. Means either the new set of characters has two active women, or Vanya is part of the Academy and she and Allison absolutely fuck shit up. This would also mean one of the boys is missing. Five possibly? Did one of them die, like Ben did? Or maybe the Sparrow Academy only consists of six members. Or maybe they didn’t show all of them. Mysterious!

Because of previous points made, I do believe we’ll get a different set of siblings as Sparrows, but I also think it would be incredibly interesting to see the what-if’s. What if Five had never left? What if Vanya had learned to control her powers? What if Ben had never died? What if Reginald hadn’t been an abusive, manipulative piece of shit?

How would the world look with seven adults running around in school uniforms, playing vigilante and “saving the world”?

Oh well, we will get the answer to that question eventually. Unless Reggie turned them all into special agents for his shady business instead of making them believe they’re superheroes (C’mon, those fellas are 30, they gotta have a mind of their own.)

So much to: “Who the hell are these assholes?”

Lets move over to: “How the hell are these assholes?”

What was different in the founding of the Sparrow Academy? It probably has to do with Harlan. He still has powers after Vanya unknowingly failed to extract them. He’s the anomaly “off-charts” that had a big part in fucking up the timeline. In that context the arguement with his toy, a sparrow, linking him to the Sparrow Academy makes sense.

By the time the kids where born, he would have been around 34 years old, as he’s eight in 1963. Old enough to have met Reginald and old enough to bargain with him on his own terms.

We still don’t know how Reggie found out about the kids. Possibly he found out about Harlan the same way and contacted him. Possibly Harlan fucked some shit up and Reggie decided it was best he befriended and kept him close. Maybe it has something to do with Vanya. Dunno.

I have no idea in which way Harlan was involved, there’s not enough evidence in the show yet, but in 2019 he would be 64 years old. If he’s still alive.

It’s possible Reginald tried to round up supernatural people to do some world saving, and that he started with Harlan. But that is for another 3AM shenanigan post: oldtimer Reggies intentions and possible past. All this theorizing would be much easier if we knew more about him.

Because to really answer the question, what went wrong in the founding of the Sparrow Academy, we first need to know more about the founding of the Umbrella Academy.

Reggie, out with dem secrets.

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gamebunny-advance · 4 years ago

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The Thrilling Continuation~

@kujo-supernova

As to not clog the dashes with increasingly long posts of anyone who has to put up with this, I started a new post~

[Original response here]

K, I agree with 95% of what you said, so I don't feel the need to go over it point by point. Even the stuff I don't agree with I’m not going to really address because it's irrelevant to the argument I’m trying to make. This isn't even an argument about each other's opinions anymore so much as I'm just commenting on the fandom at large now. So basically everything I'm about to say is not really directed at you (except for the last part), and is more directed at this fictional straw man of the fandom that probably doesn't exist, but I'm gonna attack anyway because it helps illustrate my thought process.

But thanks for reading anyway if you do~

I don't take issue with the fandom because I'm trying to defend Kliff or say that anyone else is 100% in the wrong here. This is a story about flawed individuals that make bad decisions. It's multi-layered and complex, and that's why I love this game so much.

My issue is largely with how the fandom in general is hypocritical in the way they treat Kliff because they see him as *more* "wrong" than he actually is, but my goal is not to prove that he was in the “right”.

Yeah, B2J (mostly Mayday) did get to learn from the experience that they were wrong because they're the protagonists: the purpose of their story is to learn that lesson. Kliff exists to be Mayday's "shadow". He represents an extreme that Mayday could have become had she not realized that taking over NSR isn't the solution to her problem. But as the true antagonist, Kliff literally *can't* come to that same realization: it would be redundant. And that's fine. For the purposes of the story that it wanted to tell, Kliff getting a resolution was not necessary, even if it leaves him in a bad spot with the other characters.

But that story is done and now fandom gets to write new ones. He still has a lot of character that can be explored: Now that rock is back in the city, what will he do? Why is rock specifically so important to him? Why does he know so much about every artist in the city? Why does he look so much younger than he actually is? *cough*becausehe'savampire*cough*

But largely the fandom doesn't seem interested in exploring any of that and more than just a handful of people seem to outwardly reject the idea of writing him as even *capable* of the kind of growth that B2J went through.

I brought up DJSS specifically as a counterargument to Kliff because he is THE scummiest person in the cast for all the reasons you said and more, but he is still one of the most popular characters because he has a cool design and a sexy voice, and maybe some people see him as a "sad boi" and want to coddle him. I am also one of those people for all 3 1/2 of those reasons, but I don't believe that you need to think that a character is a good person to justify liking them. There's a lot of reasons to like a morally gray or even morally black character, and agreeing with their actions/opinions doesn't need to be one of them.

I just think it's hypocritical to excuse one character for their flaws and not another with similar ones. Like there's some nuance to it that can change what makes something okay in one context and not okay in another, but I think the comparison between DJSS and Kliff is apt.

In my opinion their shared flaw is being egocentric. They are both willing to sacrifice the health and happiness of others for their own agendas. They express it in different ways, but it all comes from the same place: They think that what they're trying to achieve is more important than the feelings/condition of others.

DJSS seriously does not give a damn about anyone other than himself and he doesn't even have the courtesy to try and hide it. Even after his district is restored, he's still the same asshole he always was. He STILL calls B2J "Plutonians" (and I don't count him saying that "they aren't so bad after all" as "change", because even as a professor he was capable of expressing backhanded gratitude) and his reason for playing music is STILL "self-importance". He is in the same place that he started and will probably continue to abuse his district over his sense of ego unless Tatiana or someone else finally forces him not to. And everyone either accepts that or disregards it because that's just who he is. And again, that's fine, but I find it hypocritical.

Like I feel like many people's problems with Kliff is that they're not interested in exploring his character beyond what has been presented in the text. And that's fine too. It is perfectly valid to enjoy the game as it is and not want to explore it beyond that, but if having such a small scope of a game's themes and characters causes you to get "bugged" when someone presents a different interpretation, then it might be beneficial to look at another reading.

For example, let's go back to the satellite argument. My point about the satellite being "symbolic" was to disprove "murderous intent". His motivations for dropping it are totally separate. You say that you still think his motivation is being fueled by bitterness over Tatiana leaving rock. Your exact words: "I still think part of it was done out of spiteness for Tatiana leaving rock", but I feel like that's a very surface level reading.

In my opinion, rock is just the window dressing to the core of his actual problem: he feels like he's not getting back what he gave. He drops the satellite after her response to this question: "Did my loyalty mean nothing to you?" Which was, "I don't give a damn about you. I owe you nothing." which I think is far from a trivial response.

In any relationship, even a non-romantic one like this, it hurts knowing that the other person isn't as invested in it as you are. Even more so if they were to flat out say, "I don't give a damn about you." Like, can you imagine being told by your favorite content creator that they hated you to your face after you've done everything you could do to support them as a fan? Would most people react calmly to that in the heat of the moment?

Like we don't know the extent that Kliff was involved in Tatiana's life, but Tatiana never implies that he's lying about supporting her after the Goolings disbanded. Their relationship couldn't have been completely parasocial because she immediately recognizes him and addresses him by name when she sees him, and her being Kul Fyra isn't common or easy to obtain knowledge, so he must have been close to her to even know that. We know what he may have been willing to do for her given how much he helps B2J, and had Tatiana been upfront about her feelings with Kliff in the past, then I don't think he would have even bothered to give his sob story because he would have known that she wouldn't be receptive to it.

What I'm getting at is that "abandoning rock" isn't the actual reason he felt hurt enough to want to retaliate. It was likely more about "abandoning him" than it is a loyalty to any particular genre.

Even with this reading of his motivation, I don't think he was justified in doing what he did. Tatiana was totally right in calling him out, even if she was harsh about it, because in the end it doesn't matter how much he might have done for her if she didn't want it to begin with. He should have just walked away and accepted that she wasn't the person he thought she was, but people don't always do the right or rational thing, especially if they're caught up in the heat of their emotions and I think that's a relatable emotion worthy of discussion and dissection, even if it's not positive.

Will reading any of that change your mind? Probably not, but it's another perspective, and that's really all I want to offer.

Saying you're okay with someone liking something that you don't, isn't the same as understanding it, and that's what I want to change. I don't need anyone to agree with me, I wouldn’t start these discussions with strangers if I did. My end goal is to get you to understand where I'm coming from, and I think you're just *barely* missing my point. Hopefully I’m understanding your points too, but maybe I’m wrong about you’re getting at as well. UoU

#text #i dunno if i want this in the main tags #it's gonna show up in NSR regardless #but i do want to be mindful of anyone blacklisting this stuff #nsr

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astraguardian · 5 years ago

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Fair Game Parallels

Since there’s still debate over whether Clover and Qrow were meant to be romantically-coded, I’ve decided to make a list of the times that Fair Game paralleled either a) scenes that the fandom largely considers flirt or romantic-coded, or b) scenes between pairings that are either romantic in-canon or heavily implied. Note that this doesn’t cover every interaction in detail, since it’s focused on the parallels specifically.

In animation, every small detail matters. Someone chose to include that expression, to have the character make that gesture, or to frame a show in a certain way. CRWBY is aware of this. We’ve even heard about some of the small changes they made to scenes this volume to ensure the proper tone came across. So, for this analysis, all of those small details are, no pun intended, fair game.

(TW for blood and death)

1) Lucky you

In volume 4, we had a scene where a waitress very clearly flirts with Qrow. She winks at him, we get a joke about his semblance, and he grins back at her. Pretty straightforward, which is what makes it a great scene to parallel.

Here we have Clover saying the same “lucky you” line as the waitress, also accompanied by a wink. Right before this line, he also gives Qrow a look that’s suspiciously similar to Qrow’s reaction to the waitress. We also know from Kim Newman, who worked as an animator for RWBY up to Volume 7 Episode 9, that CRWBY were well aware of this parallel, with Kim even making a joke about the implications.

Even ignoring the obvious parallel, the line comes across as flirtatious. While some people have suggested it was a bit of banter between friends, Qrow and Clover weren’t friends at this point. In fact, it had been established to both the audience and Clover that Qrow wasn’t all that excited to be working with him.

There was no friendship between the two at this point and suggesting that the wink was an act of friendship largely misses the context of the interaction.

2) Staring

RWBY’s particularly fond of using the eyes to add subtext for both Bumbleby and Fair Game, to the point that this parallel is just the first of three involving character’s eyes. This Fair Game scene, while not focusing on Qrow’s eyes, uses his gaze to add subtext. The first thing to note is that Qrow didn’t need to be in this shot. He has no dialogue in this exchange, he’s really only there for Clover. In this shot, Clover explains how Ace-Ops are picked to perfectly complement each other. And, as we were shown previously, Clover is the only Ace-Op without a partner. Qrow’s in the scene to indicate that he’s the perfect complement for Clover. It’s also worth pointing out that despite having started off cold towards Clover in the previous episode, so likely no more than an hour before in-universe, Qrow gazes warmly at Clover not once, but three times during this shot, while also mirroring Clover’s stance the entire time.

3) Reacting to a compliment

In episode 3, we see Blake reacting to Yang complimenting her arm by putting a hand behind her head bashfully. Only two episodes later, we see Qrow do the same movement upon receiving a compliment from Clover. Qrow’s reaction didn’t need to mirror Blake’s. There are other ways they could have had him react, but they chose to parallel a character receiving a compliment from their romantic interest.

4) Truck scene

We have two scenes in the back of a truck where we get to see characters having quiet, but important conversations. Our scene with Bumbleby shows the couple trying to figure out what they think is right, while our scene with Fair Game has Qrow talk about his sobriety for the first time and get a much needed compliment from Clover. These scenes show the characters in their most open state, with Blake questioning if Yang and her had done the right thing in dealing with Adam, and Qrow getting the chance to discuss his feelings about everything that’s happened in the past volume or so.

5) Banter

Two scenes of lighthearted banter, and the first of several parallels to the scene in volume 6 where Blake leaves Yang to take out the radar.

6) Staring after the other looks away

We’re back to eyes again, this time looking at how characters’ stares tend to linger on their love interest, even after the other turns away. The Bumbleby scene has some good shots of this, but it’s a personal favorite of Qrow’s. Volume 7 makes a point to show us how often Qrow stares at Clover even when Clover’s turned away, and how it almost always tends to last several seconds longer than it needs to. Episode 8 stands out, with Qrow not only watching Clover walk away after their banter, but continuing to stare at the door he had gone through even after it was closed. He only looks away after being spoken to by a waiter. Seeing as prolonged gazes, both in-universe and outside of it, are associated with love, it sends strong implications.

7) Fond Looks

The last parallel to the volume 6 Bumbleby scene is especially strong. Yang’s expression as she watches Blake, who she clearly cares deeply for, walk away, is practically identical to Qrow’s after he watches Clover show off for him. RWBY has already established this expression as one of warmth and love, and they chose to put it on Qrow for his moment with Clover.

8) Even the villains see it

When the Bees fight Adam, there’s a moment where he looks between them before remarking on their relationship. In the fight against Tyrian, we watch Tyrian, who had previously been focused on Qrow, look over at Clover and then back to Qrow, before moving to attack Clover. The scene clearly establishes that it’s Clover he’s looking at, as Clover is in the center of the light while Robyn is off to the side, and while Robyn barely moves, Clover is seen adjusting his weapon and turning to face Tyrian. We’ve already established that Tyrian is a serial killer and Qrow’s the victim who got away, so why would Tyrian change targets and give Qrow that look? Tyrian’s decided that the best way to hurt Qrow would be instead to hurt Clover.

9) Tyrian/Adam fight

Two dynamic shots of characters attacking a villain who personally wronged by, followed by a shot of their partner helping them deal the blow. While Clover isn’t also attacking in this case, he’s the one holding Tyrian in place so that Qrow can deal the blow.

10) Art style of violent scene

This art style is only used twice in the show proper (once in the Black trailer), and both cases involve someone watching their partner suffer brutal violence at their expense. It’s worth pointing out that Qrow is actually much more emphasized in his scene than Blake is in hers, even though Blake’s scene features her abuser hurting her love interest. Blake could even be missed in her scene, with her silhouette not standing out much with the position she’s in. Qrow, on the other hand, has almost as much focus as Clover and Tyrian. The scene is capturing both Clover’s death and Qrow’s despair as he watches helplessly.

11) Mementos

We take a quick break from Bumbleby parallels for an extremely strong Arkos parallel. In volume 7 episode 3, we get a shot of Jaune holding the fabric from Pyrrha’s sash in his hands. Ten episodes later, we get the same shot, except now it’s Qrow with Clover’s pin. It’s a particularly easy callback to pick up on, seeing as it’s framed the same way. Qrow’s mourning is shown to mirror Jaune mourning Pyrrha, his canon love interest.

12) Fear of growing close to someone

It’ll be just like Beacon again. Following the events of volume 3, Blake separates herself from the rest of the group, believing she’s no longer worthy of anyone’s love. In the next volume she explains, “Everyone thinks they can help me, but they can’t. You saw Ilia last night and she’s not even the worst! No. No more. They’re better off without me. I made my choices and I’ll deal with the consequences because they belong to me.” That sounds painfully familiar to another character who watched someone they cared for get hurt in a stylized scene which they blamed themself for. Blake runs, feeling like she brings harm to those she’s close to. From Blake’s perspective, volume 3 proved her worst fears to be true. Now we’re at volume 7 and Qrow’s in the same situation. He’s separated himself from the group, choosing to go into custody instead of finding his nieces, and he clearly blames himself for what has happened. And in time, Qrow might get to parallel Blake’s recovery.

Feel free to add any parallels you think I missed, but please refrain from arguing on this post. I’m looking to share evidence, not to debate.

#fair game #rwby #qrow branwen #clover ebi #clover deserved better #blood tw #death tw #long post

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chimswae · 4 years ago

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BTS Caretaker CH21

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 6, 707

- Author Note: I missed the date of posting new chapter again, okay so caught up with work :< aish, but it is okay i am updating now!

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Chapter 21

It was a long silence between them, neither the boys nor Seul dared to utter anything. To begin with, what was they supposed to say at first place. The Jungkook and Seul relationship or Jimin’s sudden outburst. As much as they wanted to bring Yoongi’s side of the story into the picture, they thought it was out of context. Yoongi’s issues had nothing to do with them, yet one of the reasons that trigger Jimin’s anger was related to Yoongi after all.

For once Namjoon had never feel burdened with the responsibility as the leader of BTS until today. Firstly, he had to unravel the tense between Jungkook, Jimin and Seul. The atmosphere between the four walls were suffocating him, and he could tell everyone felt the same. He held his breath for a long time before exhaling a deep sigh garnering everyone’s eyes on him “Alright. Let’s get thing straight” glancing at the maknae whom sat across him. Seul felt her heart being torn apart from this impromptu confrontation. To be frank, she was not ready to be questioned this way especially when it came to her and Jungkook status.

“Jung, is there something going on between you and Seul?” Namjoon probed. Gulping away her nervousness, Seul was being surrounded by a group of man who appeared to be very protective over the youngest member of their group. Yoongi looked like he was ready to swing his baseball bat and beat some shit outta Jungkook and Jimin. His eyes never left Seul ever since the scene at her workplace. Not that he cared, yet it was bothersome to be remembered by it. Learning the truth behind Jungkook’s disappearance at night stung his heart even more.

Jungkook is one step ahead him. Yoongi groaned in frustration.

Jungkook stammered “Seul and I…We became friends because I am their frequent customer there. I spent my time there to draw” he pressed his palms together searching for strength to face his members’ wrath.

“You become friends and as far as I am concern friends don’t kiss, that is too affectionate. What is the meaning behind those kiss? ” Jin leaned his back on the seat, tilting his head to take a good look of Seul expression. Now that they had came to this, he feared to hear the truth.

Jungkook and Seul relationship would be the beginning or the end of him.

Chewing her chapped lips, Seul fingers fidgeted unconsciously at the end of her pink sweater. Her rapid breathing was drawing Hoseok attention who appeared to sit just beside her, he leaned over whispering softly “Are you okay Seul? You don’t look good” his voice was as soft as his sunny smile. It managed to calm her down a little.

She nodded, squishing her eyes tight for a moment before opened it again only to be welcomed by Hoseok’s round eyes “I can manage this, thank you Hoseok” she flashed a weak smile. He returned to his seat with a small smile and gave his attention on Jungkook and Namjoon.

“What I know it was not a mistake. Those kisses are real. I…like Seul” Jungkook’s confession earned different reaction from the floor. Some were scoffing away, some were too dumbfounded to even react, and some were stayed frozen in their seat shooting Jungkook a judgemental look. That was not definitely in their dictionary. What changed Jungkook to be this confident and super determined of his own feelings?

Jungkook’s eyes met Seul confused one, making Jimin rolled his eyes in his seat. Salty Park Jimin about to open his mouth to say something, but his fellow 95 liner friend already jumped in “Do you see her as a woman, Jungkook? Someone that you wish to own” upon hearing Taehyung’s last word, Seul blushed madly. The thought of being owned by someone never occurred to her some more, the person is a member from famous idols of the century. Crazy as it sound Seul couldn’t stop her heart from making weird noise inside.

They only needed one nod from Jungkook to confirm everything, so they could make sense out from this situation. Jungkook had never been so open to them when it came to his own feelings. To witness the younger guy being bluntly honest about his inner feeling gave some sense of relief to the hyungs. Over the years Jungkook was known to be very introvert and he did not talk to strangers unless he felt comfortable with them. Jungkook had few friends in the industry like GOT7’s Yugyeom and Seventeen’s Mingyu yet it did not stop him to get out from his comfort zone. Part of them were grateful of his feeling for Seul, it was a good start for Jungkook to be more open to other options in life. However, it also worrisome considering it involved commitment and serious relationship.

Each of the members had a mixed feeling about this Jungkook liking Seul thing. To break it down, Namjoon main concerned was whether this relationship Jungkook plan to have with Seul is healthy. After his failed relationship with Hyemi, he did not want others to experience the pain of losing someone whom he thought important in life only to be left hanging without words. Not to mention as a leader and a brother of Jungkook, he did not want Jungkook to get hurt. Relationship involved commitment, was Jungkook ready to carry the burden on his shoulder?

Kim Seokjin. He was neutral. People couldn’t read through him as he always appears optimistic and positive to everyone. Internally he’s suffering from the confession. He did show his interest on Seul because their friendship started off pretty normal that involved no fight. Nowadays, Seokjin enjoyed Seul’s presence around him apart from his 92-line squad and his game squad, Jin had Seul to listen the worries that he had whenever he couldn’t talk it out with his members or other friends. Seul is a good listener. As he learnt that one of the members revealed his feeling openly to Seul, was this a sign to back off before things got complicated later on?

When it came to Hoseok, this was his second-time meeting Seul so he did not have any issues with her. He knew Seul was a nice girl and worth to be loved by many. She deserved all the love from the world. If there’s one thing that bothered Hoseok would be her genuine intention in befriending them. Not that Hoseok wanted to question her integrity, but the world is a scary place. They could not just bluntly trust people that they barely knew especially Seul. Even though she’s a daughter of Mrs Hwang their original caretaker whom treated them like their own son these past few years, they shouldn’t depend on that one factor only. It was a matter of fact that people could be toxic without they realized, just like Son Hyemi.

Sitting with his mouth sealed tight on the armrest was Taehyung. His expression did not give away any worries or emotions pertaining to this issue, but he still found it a little over the top for his sane mind to comprehend. Without doubt, he was attracted of Seul at first place became the reason why he snapped her picture and kept it on his night stand. That small crush that he had for Seul was still unclear, it needed to be shaped. Considering things had changed now, would it be better for him to eradicate this small crush he had for Seul before it became contagious to his heart? He did not want any heartbreak in the future wasn’t he.

Jimin on the other hand looked distressed in his seat. His protective instinct for Jungkook earlier on was soon replaced by annoyance. Annoyance of his own discomfort to the idea of there was another guy liking Seul and it happened to be Jungkook. The only difference between them, Jungkook had guts to sort his feeling out when he didn’t. That Jimin saw Seul more than just a friend was evident. But he refused to conform to the reality of life. It was a reticent, very private feeling which he had no intention to reveal just yet.

Yoongi was complicating things around him and his true feelings that he had for Seul. Everyone could literally see how possessive he was over Seul, yet he denied that fact at all cost. The fact that he used revenge to steal kisses from Seul, Yoongi was actually trying to confirm his own feeling. At first, he assumed it was a mere admiration towards Seul’s sassiness however it turned into something deeper not long after. He was dragging himself down into the deepest pit of the dark hole in his heart. Wanting to escape, yet he failed. As a result, Yoongi came out pretty hard and aggressive on Seul even though he wasn’t intended to hurt her. It came out neutral because he was not ready to embrace the truth. The truth might hit him a little hard on his face, so Yoongi was afraid to take the risk. With this Jungkook thing, Yoongi realized he must do something about this before too late.

“So, answer him, do you see Seul as a woman or is it a mere admiration?” Jin broke the long silence desperate to hear the answer though he’s not really keen of listening to it.

Nodding with a soft sigh “I see her as a woman and I like her because she is Seul” that was enough to melt Seul’s heart again as blush crept up warming her cheeks. Why was she being weak again? Now since they had settled with Jungkook, seven pair of eyes landed on her. She was in deep shit.

“Seul, do you know Jungkook is Jungkook?” the leader raised his eyebrow in question.

“No, I don’t. He was wearing mask 24/7 how do you expect me to notice that is him?” her voice broke a little due to the intensity that she felt inside her.

Jimin found the chance to butt in with a sarcastic remark “Funny thing is, you are a fan. How can you not know Jungkook even from his eyes?” he glowered.

Seul looked so piss as she glared at Jimin “Funny thing, I am not Jungkook’s fan. Neither of you are my favourite. How do you expect me to remember your eyes when I messed up your faces and names” the corner of Yoongi’s lips were tugged into a smirk. Ji Seul makes a comeback, as expected. He complimented in his head admiring her sassiness.

Pursing his lips sulkily, Jimin shook his head giving up on his argument with Seul already. She was impossible to beat especially when it involved to defending herself. Seul always know what to say.

Namjoon continued “Alright. You have no idea it is Jungkook, so you befriend him. Both of you become friend and Jungkook apparently reveal his feelings for you. How about your feelings? Do you like Jungkook that way?” upon hearing that question, Seul turned pale.

Taehyung scrutinized her expression with so much interest trying to read through her but to no avail. Would it be possible that she did not see Jungkook more than a friend? A spark of hope lightens his heart a little. Taehyung was up for any possibility.

“I repeat, do you like Jungkook more than just a friend?” Namjoon pressed. He was acting like a father-in-law making other cringe in their seat. Yoongi small eyes were watching Seul every little move, causing her to shift uncomfortably under his hard gaze. This did not work at all. She did not have the answers with her. Everything happened too fast.

Seul heaved a heavy sigh “I don’t know. I am not sure. My feelings for Jungkook are still ambiguous, I can’t exactly tell whether it is more than just a friend. It is still too early to decide it, I am sorry Jungkook” she threw an apologetic look at Jungkook.

He felt a heavy tug on his heart, but he managed to pull a soft smile on his face “Don’t be sorry Seul. I told you I don’t want to push you, we can still work on this” Seul bit her lower lips, lowering her gaze shyly. Jungkook would not give up on his feeling for Seul that easily. It took a lot of courage to embrace this new side of him, to give up on it just like that would be a waste.

“Someone got friend zoned” Hoseok joked to light up the mood.

“I AM NOT-“ “SHE ISNT-“ they were surprised to see Jungkook and Seul perfect timing. Seul’s cheeks turned into fifty shades of red realizing she was indirectly admitting to the fact that she was interested in Jungkook as well though she needed time to figure it out.

“You are reconsidering Jungkook’s feelings?” Taehyung’s eyes glimmered in curiosity.

Jungkook rubbed his neck, holding back his bunny smile “Yes I am. I need time. I am not used to this” Seul mumbled timidly. Jimin was hurt by her answers, now it was obvious Seul might end up liking Jungkook for real is he didn’t do anything about it. What should he do again to fix this mess that he created?

“But, that doesn’t mean you have confirmed your true feelings for Jungkook right?” Yoongi’s hoarse voice baffled everyone. The older guy had chosen to keep his mouth shut all the time, hence to hear something coming from him was intimidating. Because after all, though Yoongi did not say it aloud about his feeling for Seul, all of them knew that guy had a thing for her. Jungkook realized it too. He had been stealing glance at Yoongi during their conversation, and his attention was on Seul most of the time.

Jungkook was not alone in this complicated battle. With Yoongi came into the picture, Jungkook was mentally ready to fight healthily.

“We can say that” not letting Yoongi’s stare penetrated her heart, Seul avoided his gaze at all cost.

Smiling with full of gratification, Yoongi arose from his seat “Then this conversation is over. That is all I need to hear” he gave one final look at Seul sending chill down her spine. She watched his body disappeared behind the door to his room leaving only six members around her.

“I am leaving too” muttering lowly, Jimin left the scene without saying much as Hoseok decided to tail him. He sensed something was wrong with Jimin, so he excused himself to investigate further. Taehyung followed not long after “I will see you later Seul..” he smiled warmly making his way stealthily to his room.

Jin was contemplating whether to be honest about his discomfort, in the end he chose to just shut it and give it a long thought before expressing it out. “Seul just stay over tonight, it is late. We don’t want you to walk in the dark alone. I will prepare the room for you” Jin stood up leaving the scene giving Seul no chance to protest. She grunted softly under her breath refusing the idea of staying over there today. Bad start.

Confused, Namjoon ran his fingers in his lock accompanied by a soft hum “Jungkook can you give us space? I need to talk with Seul alone” he turned to the younger guy that immediately nod with a small sigh.

Seul looked up with a small smile “Thank you Jungkook. Go rest” her sincerity made Jungkook fall head over heels for her again. A simple attention from Seul managed to crush another wall inside him, he craved for it.

“You too, see you in the morning. I hope. Good night Seul” his steps were heavy, even though this issue was settled due to the long talk, it still makes him nervous. After making sure Jungkook was nowhere to be seen around them, Namjoon shifted his attention back on the drained girl in front of him. His heart softened as his eyes landed on Seul’s distressed face.

“Seul-ah I won’t stop you or Jungkook. It is up to both of you to decide. Remember, if you hurt Jungkook you will have to face me. Do not give him a false hope even though it is okay for both of you to consider the options in front of you. I don’t want to see Jungkook broken-hearted”

“And, I have to warn you before things get out of hand. It is not just Jungkook’s feelings matter in this but others too. I can see another person in the room who actually like you just as much” Seul blinked with an unreadable expression.

“What do you mean by that” she retorted in disbelief. Did Namjoon just imply there were other BTS members liking her other than Jungkook? How was this even real? Seul felt so unreal at the moment. The impossibility only happened in dramas or movies. Since this occurred to her, she had no idea how to react to it.

Namjoon pressed his lips into thin line “You will find out soon. I am not the one who should tell you that. Just, make sure to not hurt anyone or yourself Seul-ah. Love is a scary thing. It is complicated. You can’t stop your feelings from loving someone, so give it a chance. Give the person a chance. Then you decide” he hinted.

“I am sorry Namjoon for causing this mess. I hope you are not being too hard on Jimin, he is right to doubt me. You guys barely knew me, so I understood Jimin. Even though part of me wanted to hit him hard for calling me a bitch. How dare he called me that” she grinded her teeth showing of her resentment over Jimin’s choice of word.

Chuckling softly, Namjoon nodded with an amused face “Don’t worry about Jimin. We fought a lot, then we made up the next day. This was nothing. Forgive Jimin and his foul mouth, he could be a little too vulgar when he got angry”

“He is protecting Jungkook that is normal. Your bonds are too strong even I couldn’t break that. I am glad Jimin decided to cuss at me instead of letting it slip off from his mind. That shows how much he cared for his members” she threw the compliments earnestly. It was true, it offended her, but she tried to see the bigger picture of it.

Namjoon had a proud smile on his face to hear someone admiring their brotherhood. It made him realized their bonds were no joke and he mentally agreed to Seul’s words. The tense in the room was diminishing and Seul finally able to breathe normally. Jin approached the two “The room is ready Seul, you should rest. I have prepared clean sweat and shirt on the bed for you to change. Don’t worry it is new, wear it” he beamed.

“Can i… not stay? This is uncomfortable” she murmured.

“What nonsense is that. No way, it is 4 in the morning. Just stay, we won’t let you go home at this time” Namjoon voice was stern and dominating. No wonder he’s the leader.

Seul eyes quivered uncomfortably, showing off her concern about the idea of a girl staying in an idol house “I don’t want to get caught by your manager, that would be bad. They have no idea about me replacing my mother” she tried to make up excuses to escape this place.

“We will be leaving around 10 for practice so, hyung won’t be here until the schedule. Don’t worry, leave before that” Jin showed no sign of giving up too, cornering the latter in process. “Just stay Seul, you don’t want to wear yourself out at work later. Go get some rest, the room is down the hall, just across Jimin and Hoseok” he gave a light pat on her head.

Seul finally gave in and nodded “Fine, I will stay just because I feel bad for what happened today. Thank you Jin. Good night both of you” she bid them a good night and made her way cautiously to the guest room.

Ji Seul, what will change after today. Seul made a mental note on it and decided to call it a day. She deserved a long rest after the therapy talk with Namjoon.

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Tossing her body under the duvet, Seul found it was hard to fall asleep. It must be due to the new surroundings, with that she sat up groggily leaving the queen size bed for a moment to get warm drinks for herself. The hallway was quiet and dead, and she was sure the boys were already asleep at this time.

Seul glanced at the clock on the wall and muttered “It is just 5, ugh” she hugged her body, dragging her lazy feet to the kitchen. She made herself a hot cocoa in hope after this she could shut her eyes for two hours before sun rose again.

As she was about to leave with a cup of cocoa in her hand, she saw light flooding out from the open door of one of the rooms. She walked silently towards the source of light making sure her feet on the ground did not produce any unwanted sound. The room was a private lounge room for the boys to chill when they have times, it was decorated with music equipment at the corner, book shelves and a small purple billiard table. Across the book shelves there was a L-shape sofa to complete the room.

Seul peeked her head a little searching for familiar faces inside but only to be welcomed by an empty room. Straighten herself back to her original trance, she reached out for the switch light to turn it off. To her sheer surprise, a pair of hand wrapped securely around her wrist preventing her from moving. Startled, Seul’s eyes searched from the owner of the hand who stood few steps from her.

“Jimin…” she exhaled.

Jimin’s eyes looked sleepily and there were few strands of hair stuck out making him to appear super cute. To top that, he was wearing a cute blue pyjama with stars and moon design printed on it. Seul mentally judging Jimin’s appearance as well as trying to get a hold of herself from fangirling over this look.

“Can’t sleep?” he signalled the drinks in her hand with a flat smile.

“Yes.. do you want some I can make you one?” she offered.

Declining it politely, Jimin brought Seul’s hand down and looked at her way a little too intense. Her breath hitched in process like it was about to pop off any second by now “We can share” he suggested.

“Urm..Sure…” Jimin tugged her hand softly, bringing her inside the room to the sofa. Both of them sat down awkwardly side by side, and it made her felt uneasy. Jimin held back his tongue finding a perfect word to start this conversation. He couldn’t sleep because the guilt was slowly eating him up. He had a hard time to get Seul out of his mind.

Licking his lower lips, Jimin fisted his pyjama stealing glance at Seul’s side profile that never ceased to amaze him. A soft smile crept on his face, but as soon as their eyes locked, it rendered him speechless. Words that came out from Seul’s mouth only went pass through him, his attention was on her soft lips. The stain of hot cocoa at the corner of her lips made his mind went wild for a moment. He had to urge to kiss her but quickly shrug the thought off from his mind.

“Jimin..I said, do you want to take a sip?” her brows quirked in confusion.

Jimin removed the mug from her hand and took a long sip of the hot drinks without looking at her. It was not his intention to have a weird thought on Seul, yet he couldn’t help but to think that way. His hand was shaking a little, and his grip on the mug was about to slip off but Seul fast reflex avoided any accident happen.

She sat the mug down on the coffee table, sending a worried glance at Jimin “Jimin are you alright?” she whispered. Seul touched his forehead with the back of her hand, flustering Jimin even more “I..am alright… Just cold…” he coughed away the lump on his throat.

“Do you want me to turn on the heater?” Seul was about to get up until she felt him holding her down not allowing her to move even an inch. She blushed at the closeness of their face and body. Watching her this up close caused uproar in his heart, his eyes travelled from her eyes to her cute nose down to her lips again.

Jimin ran his hand to her jaw, giving a soft trace around the skin that tingled her heart. She held back her own heavy breathing, letting her eyes roamed freely on Jimin’s face. He stroked his thumb over her lips, stroking it effortlessly slow caused the latter to mewl a little under his magic touch.

Seul was aware, she’s supposed to be upset of Jimin. They hadn’t talk about what happened at the café, and it was so wrong to be this close to each other. Where was the tense between them again? How could it diminish that easily?

Her eyes fluttered open upon feeling Jimin strong gaze on her, and she was indeed right. Jimin eyes sparked under the light, looking dashing as always even without his makeup. He would always appear beautiful in front of her. Resting his forehead against Seul, he murmured awfully low “Seul-ah..I am sorry..for everything” it surprised her once again. Wow, Jimin is full of surprise.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you or call you with those horrible names. I was protecting Jungkook and..myself I guess..It was hard to admit to my own feeling Seul-ah” he continued.

Protecting himself? Seul flinched.

Seul smiled meekly as her fingers unconsciously tangled with his free hand on his lap, fiddling around casually “I understand. And I want to apologize too. It is my fault that this happen. You have the right to question me, because I am a stranger. Just don’t call me bitch, I really hated it” her lower lips puckered out a little showing her protest.

Jimin’s soft chuckle ease the tension that she felt earlier with him “I need to control my anger next time. I am sorry that I vent it out on you. In fact, I have something to tell you Seul” Seul face fell with anticipation.

What else would she hear today?

“Seul-ah” he called out softly, sitting up straight.

For the umpteenth time today, Seul’s face started to lose its colour again.

Interlacing their hand together, Jimin took a deep breath before breaking the eerie silence again “Since it come to this, I will play it fair beside Jungkook” he professed.

“What do you mean by that” she looked at him clueless.

“I see you as a woman...”

“……..”

“I like you a lot Seul. More than you imagine. This feeling is torturing me” Seul lips quivered letting the emotions overflowed her. Then it hit him hard, so this was the thing that Namjoon hinted her earlier. Jimin was another someone in BTS who had similar feelings as Jungkook.

Seul squeaked “Jimin..I…don’t know, it is just-“ he hushed her, shaking his head slowly.

“Don’t… I want to play it fair as I mention. You don’t get to decide now. We will give this thing a time. I don’t mind, as long as you allow me to show my genuine feelings for you. Will you?”

“Jimin..I might not be worth fighting for” she looked down on their intertwined hands, giving him a soft squish.

He sighed “Yes you are. I deny my feelings enough Seul and I am not doing that again. It only hurts you and I. That is not worth it, I am embracing my feelings that I have for you. Let me fight along with Jungkook” Seul heaved a tired sigh.

“I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want Jungkook to get hurt. What if, this only bring pain rather than happiness?” she expressed her worries. Even though, it was indeed true you couldn’t stop yourself from falling in love, but this issue was more than just that. It involved a lot of thing.

“We will manage that. I talked this out with Jungkook”

Her eyes rounded in sheer surprise “You did? When?” she inquired.

“Urm… as soon as the talk with Namjoon hyung ended. Jungkook is more than just a friend, he is my family. We talked about this. Seul, it is not like we plan to fall in love with the same person. It is coincidence. We will be able to manage this without hatred” Jimin convinced.

Seul needed a moment to decipher this whole thing. The idea of being in the middle of Jimin and Jungkook was so bad making her unsure of herself. If this only involved these two guys then it would be fine to her, but what if someone else resurfaced and professed the same thing, like Yoongi. She shrugged off the thought of the possibility being fight over again by another member.

“Jimin..I am not sure, I am scared of the future”

“Then lets live the present, that is important. Do not think about the future”

“At the end of the day, I will still have to choose” she protested.

“And when that day come, we will ready our heart Seul-ah. It is long way to go, do not let the future hold us back” he whispered, caressing her cheeks lovingly.

It never dawns on her to experience this kind of thing this year, what a mess. Did her decision to replace her mother as BTS Caretaker only to cause chaos rather than promoting peace?

Seul sighed, resting her head against his shoulder seeking for comfort and warmth. This thing was draining her energy, she felt numb. Jimin wrapped his arm automatically around her shoulder, bringing her close to his chest “I am sorry if this is too much for you to handle Seul” he rubbed his arm, planting soft kiss on top of her head.

Curling up in his embrace, Seul buried her face at the crook of his neck, inhaling his sweet manly scent “I am sorry that I can’t give both of you the answer that you want” she mumbled against his skin.

“Why are you sorry? We don’t need the answers now, we only need your presence around us. That is enough” he soothed his lock, smiling ear to ear at their close proximity. He had been dreaming doing this thing with Seul, having her in her arms and cuddling on the sofa. It felt unreal.

“Thank you Seul..”

“And what is that for?”

“For existing and allowing me to experience this”

Seul smiled to herself “That line is so cliché Jim. And, thank you for having that kind of feeling for me. ” he beamed. Jimin locked his arms around her tighter, nuzzling her hair in process. Whatever it takes, Jimin would never deny his true feelings anymore. He’s willing to see how far this could go. Only that he was not able to see what the future beholds, it never stops him.

Her lids started to grow heavy, and she found herself enjoying Jimin’s warmth around her. Was this a start of everything? She did question herself what change after today. Guess, Seul had to live with the fact that in one day she received two confessions from an unexpected male.

Her life was about to get interesting.

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When Jimin woke up it was eight in the morning, they had cuddled on the couch and fallen asleep. Jimin smiled to himself admiring Seul’s sleeping face, he felt a warmth that he never experiences before. Seul looked exhausted and calm in his embrace. His moist lips landed on top of her head to get her to wake up.

Few minutes later, she roused herself and with her eyes perfectly shut, he could see her sweet smile on her face “Did we fell asleep here?” she stretched a little, burying her face shyly in his chest.

Jimin chuckled, stroking her back gently “Yes, but we did get a good sleep anyway” Seul nodded and sat up followed by Jimin afterwards. As soon as her eyes landed on Jimin’s morning hair, she giggled and leaned closer. Raking her fingers in his soft lock, she stroked it gently, fixing it a little while Jimin was too busy staring at her.

“There you are set to go” she exclaimed. Her chirpy voice lightens up his world, what a good way to start a new day. “Oh shoot, it is late I need to clean the house and prepare you guys breakfast. I hope Jin is not awake yet” she combed her hair getting ready to leave.

“You go out first I will come out later. You don’t want to be bombarded by questions this early” he pinched her nose. Scrunching her nose cutely, she gave in with the idea. Seul arose from her feet and as she was about to leave, she skipped quickly to his side.

Dazed Jimin gave her a questionable look, she closed the gap between them, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. He turned giddy over it and she heard her whisper “You said to give both of you a chance. So, I am giving both of you a chance. Good morning Jimin” with those last word, she skidded outside the room with a bright pink face.

Jimin buried himself once again under the soft blanket, letting himself fanboying over this small tingly feeling that he had this early. He would never regret his decision. Just like he said, he would only live the present for now. The future was still far ahead, anything could happen until then. If he worries the future now, it would be no fun in dealing with his every day’s life.

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Jin blinked at the figure who just walked pass him and he called her out before she could disappear further “Seul, you are awake?” she jolted and turned to face Jin nervously.

“Are you awake already? I am so sorry, I overslept Jin. Let me prepare the breakfast!” she walked over to Jin with guilt.

“Hey don’t worry Seul. It is my duty. Today, I want you to eat my cooking. May I know why are you coming out from that way?” he blinked, taking a good look at Seul’s flushed face.

Seul rubbed her arms, trying to find perfect answers which did not sound suspicious “I couldn’t sleep yesterday. I stayed in the lounge until I fell asleep” Jin lips was formed into an ‘o’ shape with a bright smile.

“Good morning hyu-“Jimin cleared his throat realizing the older guy had woken up and was interrogating Seul. She cursed in her head in frustration when she heard Jimin’s voice boomed across the hall. That called for another trouble.

Jin eyed the two suspiciously “And why are you not in your room, may I ask?” he probed with a hint of jealousy.

“I…fall asleep in Jungkook’s room.. We got carried away and we really had a long talk” he lied. Jimin and Seul exchanged nervous glance as both of them felt their brain momentarily froze due to Jin’s sudden appearance this morning.

“Really? Hurm.. Okay then.. go wash up and wake up others” a sigh of relief escaped from their lips. Jin bought it and that was good enough. Fleeing from the scene, Jimin quickly entered his room before he could ask him more question.

Jin travelled his eyes to Seul “You too go wash up. I will prepare breakfast for us alright?” he hushed her out from his territory causing the girl to pout in protest. She complied to Jin’s request anyways because after all, he almost caught her red handed a few second ago. How awful would it be if Jin found out Jimin and her fell asleep on the couch together?

Everyone was in the dining room an hour later, and for some reason the thick atmosphere was no longer there. Instead, the breakfast turned out to be lively and filled with laughter from every corner. The boys made Seul felt comfortable and she was grateful none of them brought up the sensitive topic anymore. So, they had decided to follow the flow and not to pressure themselves over petty things. Since Jimin and Jungkook had decided to play it nicely, there was nothing to be worried off.

Hoseok on the other hand had the time of his life, goofing around with Seul which she enjoyed every second the guy cracked his silly jokes. In fact, Kim Taehyung also showed his silly side making everyone cringe at his randomness. Everyone had opened up to each other and to have Seul in the picture gave more colours to their already meaningful life. After breakfast, Seul cleaned up the place like she usually does but only this time the boys offered their hands to help.

No matter how much she insisted of doing it alone, they were all stubborn. They only allowed her to do the laundry and cleaned the living room and their private lounge. Namjoon ordered his members to clean their own room which they complied without any complain. Even for the lazy bum Jungkook, surprisingly he was the first one to finish off the cleaning. Therefore, he went to Seul helping her with the laundry.

She had given up to nag or show her protest, so she let the boy to help. In exchanged of that, Seul had a good chat with Jungkook. It felt better to have conversation with Jungkook without his mask on. This felt too real to be truth, but this guy was down to earth. Every Bangtan members was not as snobby as she thought they appeared to be. They were not just effortlessly beautiful, but they were kind and relatable.

Relatable, that was the perfect way to describe them.

After good one-hour spring cleaning with Bangtan, they were ready to leave for their practice. Seul too was getting ready to leave for work, she bowed showing off her gratitude for letting her stay over a day “Thank you for letting me stay” she smiled.

“Need I to remind you this is your workplace too. Don’t be formal. We are glad to have you around” Jin ruffled her hair only to receive a low protest from Seul. She shot him a glare for messing up her hair. Jin raised his hand in defeat and shrugged.

“It is fun to clean the dorm with you Seul. Will we be able to meet you again next time?” Taehyung had a big fat smile across his face causing to squeal over his cuteness. “Of course, there will always be next time” she jabbed his arm playfully.

“Leave before your manager come up hunting you down. Have a good day ahead everyone” she waved as she watched one by one of them leaving. Jungkook gave her a brief hug with a wink, causing her to blush instantly.

She deadpanned mentally, trying to get used to his affection towards him.

Yoongi was fall behind and the sight in front of him, annoyed him to the core. He shoved his hand in his pocket pulling out a small paper resembled the sticky note. Scrutinizing his straight face, Seul looked down on her hand when he slipped the note on her palm.

“What is this?”

“Tomorrow, 4PM. Bungee jumping. It is a date” he dashed off without saying more. Seul gawked not believing what she just heard few seconds ago. Did Yoongi just ask her out for a date? It came to her realization; the small note was an admission ticket to the bungee jumping thing.

Does it mean, it isn’t just Jimin. Yoongi too? She grunted under her sharp breath. Seul was making sense out of this again. How was it possible to have three guys chasing after her fragile heart?

#btscaretaker #bts fics #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #btsfic #yoongi x oc #jungkook x oc #bts x oc #jungkook fluff #yoongi romance #bts idolau #bts series #namjoon x oc #taehyung x oc #jin x oc #jimin x oc #hoseok x oc

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onestowatch · 3 years ago

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Your Grandparents Manifest a Cinematic, Soulful Debut Album With ‘Thru My Window’ [Q&A]

Photo: Jordan Perez

Inspired by everything from ‘90s boom bap artists like Digable Planets and the Pharcyde to modern funk legends like Outkast and D'Angelo, Your Grandparents have quickly proven themselves to be their generations' torchbearers for the psychedelic soul movement.

Using a variety of recording techniques to get the desired effect for their genre-blending debut album Thru My Window, the group credits their uniquely cohesive sound to their years-long friendship, which began in their early teens. With their lush grooves, breezy, clear vocals, a sonic aesthetic built on unwavering authenticity, and of course, a deep love for their roots and deep musical traditions passed down from their grandparents, Your Grandparents embodies what it means to be an artist to watch.

Ones To Watch had a chance to talk with the trio, comprised of DaCosta (vocals), Jean Carter (vocals), and Cole, aka ghettoblasterman (producer), to discuss their inspirations and the long days and nights that went into creating their debut album.

When you last spoke to Ones To Watch, it was for the release of your single "So Damn Fly," and now, a year later, here we are talking about the release of your debut album, Thru My Window. How are you all feeling, and what have you learned about yourselves in this last year through the album-making process?

DaCosta: From a personal outlook, I've learned that making music is heavily dependent on my mood, or just how I'm feeling and what's going on in my personal life. When things are a little too stagnant, it's a little harder to write. On the other hand, when things are flowing, and life is being lived, it's easy fuel. It's good fuel. It doesn't burn too quickly.

GBM: I've learned that no idea is too wild. It's usually less wild than I think it is.

Jean: Yeah, it's better to start at the extreme and take away. I realized I feel like a lot of artists feel like they have to put themselves through turmoil or allow certain situations to write meaningful things. Like it's not necessarily good music, but it's something that means a lot to them. I think I realized that that's not the case and inspiration comes in many different forms. It could be a person or something completely random and inanimate that makes you feel something.

What were some of those inspirations?

Jean: Definitely films.

GBM: A lot of films!

Jean: Yeah, we're all pretty big film people. We do all our own videos pretty much, and it just comes from this love of film that we've had that got nurtured in high school. We were blessed enough to have a really dope film program that Sony funded and stuff, and so we got like an impromptu film education before we graduated. So by the time we graduated, we knew how to get our own projects done without reaching out to someone else and then taxing us because they want to hire their friends and all that stuff. So because of that, we had complete creative control. I've also been watching a lot of Korean movies lately. Not during the album—wait, actually, during the album, there were a lot of old kung fu movies and blaxploitation movies from, like, the ‘70s. Also, my friend got me this Curtis Mayfield record, and "So Damn Fly" is definitely heavily influenced by that whole record.

GBM: I feel like the ‘70s in general, the ‘60s and ‘70s, definitely had a big inspiration on the aesthetic and the kind of sound we were going after. Especially with "So Damn Fly" and "Tomorrow" and those kinds of songs.

Do you feel like this album has a linear story the same way a film does, or do you feel like it's more of an anthology of the band's personal experiences?

GBM: It's kind of a mix of both.

Jean: Yeah, it started off as an anthology, and then we pieced together the story, which was largely done by Cole by sitting there and being like, “Hmmm.”

DaCosta: Yeah, it was a lot of Cole dissecting the words and putting them on the tracks.

Jean: When we're writing the words and trying to be free-flowing and expressive and stuff, we're not fully conscious of a bigger picture situation. Instead, Cole is sitting there producing everything and putting in the music and being just more of a listener than anyone else could. So he has the context, and he could find a story that we didn't know we were doing together with our three minds and in our three different lives.

GBM: It's like a puzzle almost, because I'll be sitting there at like 2 a.m. in my bed, listening to the songs, and I'm like, "Ok, Kyle said, that in the hook, so this song has to go before that," and so on and so forth. It's like a storyboard kinda.

Right, to keep the record's "plot" cohesive and self-referential.

GBM: Another big consideration was playlists. I love making playlists, and I know Kyle loves making playlists, too, so it needed to flow. It just has to flow. We didn't want songs that juxtapose each other or have opposite vibes be back to back.

DaCosta: Yeah, I think we even switched around the playlist a couple of times before we had it set in stone.

GBM: There were like fourteen songs originally, and then we got talked down to ten.

Jean: Fourteen tracks woulda went crazy!

I'm sure fans would love a deluxe version of the album at some point! So what were some of the rough draft ideas before you set these ten tracks in stone?

Jean: There were more modern-sounding tracks. The more time we spent on a project, and this being our debut, we wanted to be true to the name. We wanted to be true to the artistry that had gotten us to this point.

DaCosta: There were a couple of heavier hip-hop tracks there too.

Jean: We had been doing that, and a lot of people haven't even heard those because they're like heavy hip-hop stuff from when we were in high school and like early college.

Were there any tracks on the record that challenged you?

Jean: "Intoxicated" challenged me. I had a whole different verse. The conception of that song—I was just venting about whatever I was going through at the time, and one of my homies was like, "It's not sexy enough!" So I was just like, "What? No! I've done sexy stuff on all the other songs. Just let me vent!" So I tried another verse, and we ended up going with that one instead.

DaCosta: I mean, it worked out great though...

Jean: I mean, yeah, it sits nicely on the song, and now I have a verse for something else one day when it's time for it.

GBM: Yeah, that song went from being all of ours and everyone on our team's favorite song to our least favorite song. I will say that recording the instruments for the album was fun, but there were definitely some long hours. We had a drummer and bassist come through, and they played for like twelve hours straight doing all the songs. So the songs that have live drums on them were all done in that one day, and they even did songs we recorded that didn't make it on the final record. I think we started at 1 p.m. and we ended at 1 a.m. It was crazy.

What song are you most excited for people to hear when the album drops?

Jean: I think people are gonna like "Comfortable" a lot. Honestly, I haven't listened to the record in a while because it's existed in our world for a minute. We had just posted the visuals for that song today, and I was feelin it.

DaCosta: I think people are gonna really like "Digest." For me, it gives me that "it" factor.

GBM: I think "Red Room." It's my personal favorite and one of the more fun ones to me. It's just a good time!

youtube

You mentioned earlier that you try to maintain creative control when making your music videos and coming up with concepts for visualizers. What is your creative process like?

DaCosta: We definitely sit down, and we go through everything from storyboard to shotlist and just take and grab inspiration from all over the place. For "So Damn Fly," there was that That 70's Show shot where they're all sitting around the table, and it's spinning. So there are all types of really cool influences, and we just try to use those and make everything unique to us.

GBM: I think we kind of go through a three-step verification. The idea has to go through all three of us before it becomes something else or moves on to actually being tested out or put into picture. So that kind of attributes to the very solid identity we aim for.

It sounds like that impromptu film education you mentioned earlier has really set you up for success in creating your videos.

Jean: Yeah. My high school film teacher, Miss Butler, I took that class for two years, and then when I couldn't take it anymore, I became a TA. So then I took the after-school class, and I just spent hella hours pretty much ruining the way I enjoyed cinema and teaching myself like—she would have us look and watch these classic movies and be like, this is what they did wrong.

Can you give me an example of a classic film you would watch and critique?

Jean: The first one that comes to mind is Rear Window. I watched it a few times, just because I had taken the class a couple of times. She talked about how the set that they made and the world that they created, they had full control over. Just seeing older films and how simple things were a lot more complicated then. Like you can't just delete a take and wipe your card. Everything had to be so planned out and so intentional. You gotta do shit on purpose. It's just a lot of thinking and planning, and sometimes, I feel like it's more challenging to have more people involved in a film production sometimes because of the growing degrees of communication. With the small groups that we usually keep, everyone's on the same page as us. All of us took this same class, so we all have a similar workflow.

DaCosta: Yeah, our organization when it comes to films, we're all pretty much on the same page. You know, with what was going to happen, who's doing what, who's in charge of what, etc.

Jean: And pre-production is the biggest thing and finding the right team because we can't shoot it and be in it. Although Cole can somehow!

GBM: I'm in one scene, and I'm like, "I'm just gonna kill this scene right now, and then I'm gonna jump back." That's why I'm only in the last scene.

Because he's doing everything else!

Jean: Yeah! Then as soon as the scene cuts, it's like, I go back to directing people, and Kyle goes back to making sure we got the next shot set up.

GBM: There were only seven people on set.

DaCosta: And four out of seven were crew members

GBM: Yeah, the DP was the only person that wasn't actually a casted character. Everybody else is like multitasking.

You'll be making your first-ever festival appearance at Day N Vegas in November. How are y'all feeling about it?

GBM: It feels incredible!

DaCosta: I'm so so excited!

Jean: If I get excited, I get nervous. So I just aim to be focused, or I don't think about it at all.

After the release of Thru My Window, what are some long-term or short-term goals y'all are manifesting?

Jean: I think for the next album, I want it to get Best Rap Album. We went R&B on this one, but nobody knows the way that we—like yes, we rap on it, but nobody knows our actual rap potential. So I feel like that's something that needs to be lived out on the next project. It's been a minute since we were rapping, bro. There are cool people out here doing the rap thing right now, but not many people have impressed me.

GBM: I kind of want this album to open up the door to doing a lot of travel. When we got back from Paris in 2019, what we experienced during that summer gave us fuel to start this project. So I feel like if we just keep that kind of like tradition going, we just travel somewhere and just make stuff, I think it'll never get steered wrong.

DaCosta: I think I want the album to just open up doors in general. I know it's kind of a broad thing, but like, we're so diverse, and between the three of us, we can do literally anything I think in the world if we put our minds to it, and we kind of plan on doing everything that we want to do. So, I kind of want this album to open the door just so that we can you can start striding towards whatever, whether it's directing movies and videos and fucking scoring—

Jean: Or directing other people's videos!

DaCosta: Yeah, all types of shit.

Thru My Window is available everywhere you can stream it.

#your grandparents #album review #interview #thru my window

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bloody-bee-tea · 5 years ago

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A decision must be made

This belongs to The Lan-Jiang Family series I started somewhere back in December. This is the month long fight Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen talked about in other installments and it plays immediately after part one of that series. It’s basically 4.5k of angst.

Despite what Jiang Cheng said, dinner is a tense affair.

Lan Xichen doesn’t know if he’s allowed to relay all of the events that happened in the last two days, ever since Lan Qiren found Lan Jingyi on his porch, and Jiang Cheng tries his hardest to avoid asking questions about it.

Lan Xichen understands that it’s a difficult situation, but he foolishly hoped for more.

Instead, he knows he should count himself lucky that Jiang Cheng didn’t just leave him the moment he saw Lan Jingyi in his arms.

Dinner is more stilted than it has been in a very long time, and even Lan Jingyi can’t make up for it. He’s cheerful and loud and enthusiastic, like he has been the previous two dinners too, and he doesn’t seem to mind Jiang Cheng’s presence at all.

If only the reverse could be said for Jiang Cheng as well.

Lan Xichen sees him eye Lan Jingyi every now and then, and Lan Xichen always expects him to say something.

Jiang Cheng never does.

They talk about his work trip, and how their brother’s are doing, and stay carefully clear of the topic of Lan Jingyi.

Once Lan Jingyi is done with his dinner—eating and demolishing it—Lan Xichen picks him up from his stool.

“I have to lay him down,” he says, because he knows by now that Lan Jingyi will drop fast after he got some food.

Lan Xichen didn’t get a lot of sleep in the past two days, but he can always count on naps after food.

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng dismissively says, but he watches how Lan Xichen handles Lan Jingyi.

He doesn’t follow them into the bedroom.

Lan Xichen doesn’t take it to heart; Jiang Cheng has made it very clear that he doesn’t want to be involved in the parenting aspect of this, and Lan Xichen has to respect that.

No matter how much it hurts right now. There is still hope that Jiang Cheng will come fully around, and won’t just accept Lan Jingyi like an unwanted gift.

Lan Xichen struggles through putting Lan Jingyi to bed. They don’t have a set routine yet, and Lan Jingyi hates getting his face washed or his tiny teeth brushed, so it’s a rather loud affair. Once he’s in his pyjamas though his eyes start to drop and he clings adorably to Lan Xichen.

“Time to sleep, my little one,” Lan Xichen whispers to him as he brushes a kiss onto fuzzy soft hair and puts Lan Jingyi down in his bed.

Lan Jingyi makes grabby hands for his stuffed white tiger he always sleeps with and Lan Xichen hands it to him with a smile.

“Good night, A-Yi,” Lan Xichen says as he smoothes his hand over Lan Jingyi’s head one last time and Lan Jingyi blinks up at him before he snuggles down, tiger clutched to his chest.

“Sleep,” he mumbles right before he drifts off and Lan Xichen gently pulls the blanket up to his shoulders.

When Lan Xichen comes out of the bedroom, Jiang Cheng is gone.

~*~*~

Lan Xichen doesn’t know if he should contact Jiang Cheng or if he should let him come to him instead, but it’s been three days now and Lan Xichen is getting scared.

He starts drafting message after message on his phone, but ends up deleting all of them in the end. Lan Xichen doesn’t know what the right thing to do is here, and he has so much to say to Jiang Cheng that it can hardly fit into one text message.

In the end he settles on Will I see you today?

It’s not what he wants to write, not really, but he doubts Jiang Cheng would react well to him begging Jiang Cheng to come over.

Lan Xichen still isn’t sure if he lost that privilege or not. Right now, it doesn’t seem like Jiang Cheng is very interested in their relationship, no matter what he said on the evening he found out about Lan Jingyi.

Lan Xichen fears that now that Jiang Cheng had some time to think about it, he changed his mind.

He is startled out of his musings when his phone chimes, which upsets Lan Jingyi. Lan Xichen really has to remember to put his phone on silence.

Lan Xichen already found out that Lan Jingyi doesn’t deal well with surprising noises, and especially not with electronic ones, and it’s an oversight Lan Xichen itches to correct immediately, but he has to calm Lan Jingyi down first.

He carries him through the apartment, arms getting tired fast, because Lan Jingyi is already two after all and not a baby anymore, but Lan Xichen can’t help to peer at his phone every time he walks past it. He can’t see who the message is from, but hope and trepidation sit heavy in his gut.

Eventually Lan Jingyi calms down again, and Lan Xichen can put him down with his toys again but he still hesitates over picking up his phone.

What if it’s a no? What if it’s a never again? He doesn’t think he could bear it.

The uncertainty gets to him eventually and he reaches for the phone.

Not today, Jiang Cheng has written, and while that makes Lan Xichen’s heart sink to his feet, the second part lets him hope. Still not a break-up. I love you.

I love you, he quickly types back, tears of relief in his eyes, and it makes him more hopeful than Jiang Cheng’s words had three days ago. By now it had time to settle in. If he was still willing to stay with Lan Xichen, maybe he could trust this.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng comes by the next day, and it’s a relieve to fall into his arms and kiss him. Lan Xichen hadn’t realized just how much he missed this, missed Jiang Cheng, missed them.

Of course ‘them’ now includes Lan Jingyi, no matter what happens, but it doesn’t seem to matter too much. Jiang Cheng plays with him same as he would with Jin Ling if they were to visit him right now, and Lan Xichen can’t help the smile that plays around his mouth at seeing that.

It’s easy to imagine them as a family, Jiang Cheng a permanent fixture in Lan Xichen’s and Lan Jingyi’s life; a doting partner and—Lan Xichen can’t help the thought—a doting parent.

It’s too easy.

“Tell me again why Lan Qiren couldn’t have taken him,” Jiang Cheng says without pre-amble as he’s playing with Lan Jingyi, and Lan Xichen’s stomach drops out.

“I told you already,” Lan Xichen whispers, but Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“But I don’t understand,” he gives back. “He raised you and your brother. Clearly he can’t be that bad.”

“Jiang Cheng, I moved out with eighteen. I signed the lease for a tiny two-bedroom apartment the moment I legally could, just to get Lan Wangji out of there,” Lan Xichen tells him, and it sits heavy with him, the knowledge that he never told anyone about this before.

That he has to do it in this context now.

“So you couldn’t stay with him. Tell me why,” Jiang Cheng says and looks up at Lan Xichen. “Help me understand why I come home to find you with a child instead of your uncle who he was entrusted to.”

Lan Xichen wants to argue that ‘entrusted’ is greatly exaggerated—Lan Jingyi was left on his porch after all—but he presses his lips together.

“Lan Qiren is—he’s strict,” Lan Xichen starts and he can see already that it’s the wrong start.

Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow at him as if to ask ‘And why is that so bad?’

“We—we had school, and after school activities. No friends were allowed to come over, we were rarely allowed to visit friends at their homes, and there was no entertainment at home, besides music. Lan Qiren doesn’t believe in distractions from learning,” Lan Xichen slowly says and he looks away from Jiang Cheng.

“And yet you grew up to be upstanding people, with hobbies and friends.”

“He told us crying too loudly would upset the gods, and that laughing too loudly, and too happily would attract the devils, so they’d take us away,” Lan Xichen lowly says and looks down at his hands.

This would never be easy to talk about.

“When Wangji was five, and I smiled at him, he’d slap his hands over my mouth,” Lan Xichen goes on, still avoiding to even look in Jiang Cheng’s direction. “He was afraid the devils would take me away from him. It took me a year to make him understand that it wasn’t true. I didn’t see him smile until he was nine. I heard him laugh out loud for the first time when he was fifteen, one month into our life away from Lan Qiren. Do you really think this is an environment for Lan Jingyi?”

“But you made it,” Jiang Cheng insists and now Lan Xichen is getting angry.

“I had to explain phones to Wangji when he was fifteen. The first few times we watched TV together, he would sit next to me, so tense a touch could have broken him, because he thought he was doing something wrong. I didn’t have a favourite movie until I was eighteen. I barely knew music besides the classical pieces Lan Qiren had us play. The food at school made me sick because I didn’t know anything besides vegetarian, spiceless dishes. Yes, he raised us, and I will forever be grateful for the fact that he didn’t leave us in an orphanage, but it was hardly a loving time, and his place is certainly not what I’d call a home. I would have been grateful for a hug, or words of praise that went beyond my academical achievements.”

Lan Xichen takes a deep breath, but he doesn’t stop.

“There are no family pictures, beyond the giant painting in his living-room. No family jokes, no funny anecdotes. We had to sleep at nine, and rise by five and if we didn’t we were to copy rules he had stored away somewhere. If we were sick, we were allowed to stay home, but he would teach us. He didn’t believe in free time. If we had time to want things, clearly we didn’t have enough work.”

Lan Xichen picks up Lan Jingyi, to reassure himself that he’s still there, that he’s not with Lan Qiren, and his fingers itch to write Lan Wangji, to see if he is fine, even though Lan Xichen knows he is. Jiang Cheng is watching him, eyes heavy on Lan Xichen, and it makes Lan Xichen’s skin scrawl.

“I didn’t get us out of there with eighteen because I was rebellious or ungrateful. I watched how my brother was smothered under the rules our father figure made for us, and I wanted better for him. Wangji took it all so seriously, and it always broke something in him when Lan Qiren was disappointed with him. I don’t want that for Jingyi. I won’t allow it. Not when there is a better alternative.”

“Not even when it could mean I leave you?” Jiang Cheng seriously asks and Lan Xichen hides his face in Lan Jingyi’s hair.

Lan Jingyi pats his head curiously and he struggles around, a clear indication that he wants to be put down, but Lan Xichen can’t let go of him, not now.

“Not even then,” Lan Xichen rasps out, because it’s the truth.

No child should have to stay with Lan Qiren. Lan Xichen can get over a broken heart, no matter how much it might hurt. It’s harder to unlearn a lifetime of rules and disappointment, Lan Xichen knows that from experience.

He still sometimes catches Lan Wangji hiding his smile away. It’s too engrained in him, and it never fails to make Lan Xichen wonder if he acted too late. If he should have gotten them out sooner. If he shouldn’t have just taken Lan Wangji and run away.

“I see,” Jiang Cheng says as he gets up. “I think it would be best if I go home now,” he tacks on and Lan Xichen looks at him.

“Will you ever be able to forgive me for this?” Lan Xichen whispers and effectively halts Jiang Cheng’s steps.

“I don’t know yet,” he honestly says, and Lan Xichen can’t help the sob that breaks free.

“You said you could be my boyfriend,” Lan Xichen gets out, because he’s been clinging to those words for a week now.

I can’t be his father. But I can be his father’s boyfriend, is what Jiang Cheng has said and Lan Xichen has clutched those words close, repeating them to himself every day when Jiang Cheng wouldn’t come by.

He didn’t break up with him. He said he could do this.

“Was that a lie?” Lan Xichen asks, because he needs to know, he can’t go on like this.

“I don’t know,” comes the whispered response and then Jiang Cheng leaves the apartment.

Lan Xichen quickly puts Lan Jingyi on the ground, because he’s afraid he’s going to drop him with how numb he suddenly went.

Maybe mending a broken heart isn’t easier, after all.

~*~*~

Lan Wangji comes by two days later. Lan Xichen has turned his phone off, so he doesn’t have to see the lack of Jiang Cheng’s messages, so of course his brother would come looking for him sooner or later.

“Are you alright?” Lan Wangji wants to know, and Lan Xichen pointedly looks down at himself.

He’s still wearing his pyjamas, after noon, and there are spots all over the pants from where Lan Jingyi smeared his chocolate covered hands on them.

“No,” Lan Xichen still says and quickly turns away from Lan Wangji.

He’s tired of crying. He doesn’t want his brother to see him like this.

Luckily, Lan Jingyi is providing a perfect distraction, because he comes barrelling out of the living-room and crashes right into Lan Wangji’s legs, peering up at him expectantly.

He already learned that Lan Wangji can throw him up the highest, and he’s taking shameless advantage of that.

And Lan Wangji lets him.

Soon enough Lan Jingyi’s gleeful shrieks are echoing through the apartment and something in Lan Xichen’s chest unravels.

He’s making the right choice. He knows he is, no matter how much it might hurt to lose Jiang Cheng over this.

Eventually, even Lan Jingyi tires of being thrown in the air, and he hurries away to play with his puzzle shapes again. He’s clever, Lan Xichen can already tell, because he figures out which shape goes into which hole rather quickly, but then he still tries to push them through the wrong ones anyway.

So not only loud, but destructive, too, Lan Xichen thinks fondly, and he makes a mental note to get Lan Jingyi a new one, so he doesn’t get bored too soon.

“Brother,” Lan Wangji says and his tone alone almost chokes Lan Xichen up.

“What?” he snaps, and then scraps a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, Wangji.”

“You’re stressed.”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen says with a humourless laugh. “You could say that.”

“Has Jiang Cheng not been around to help?” Lan Wangji asks and Lan Xichen works his jaw a few times.

“Jiang Cheng hasn’t been around all that much, actually,” Lan Xichen finally admits. “And I doubt he’d be willing to help.”

There’s a surprised silence, and Lan Xichen realizes that he has forgotten to tell Lan Wangji about Jiang Cheng’s stance on this adoption.

“He doesn’t approve of what you did?” Lan Wangji asks and Lan Xichen shakes his head.

He’s not sure he can trust his voice.

“He would prefer Jingyi grew up with uncle?”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen whispers. “And he doesn’t want to understand why I won’t let that happen.”

“Is he—,” Lan Wangji hesitates here, and Lan Xichen braces himself for the question. “Is he going to break up with you?”

“I think so, yes,” Lan Xichen says around a sob and then he has to bury his face in his hands.

Lan Jingyi comes over, clearly concerned about the tears and he hugs Lan Xichen’s leg.

“I’m okay, A-Yi,” Lan Xichen says around his tears and he tries his best to swallow back more tears.

Lan Wangji takes Lan Jingyi and throws him up in the air one more time before he says, “Why don’t we get some snacks?”

“Yes!” Lan Jingyi gleefully shouts and he allows Lan Wangji to carry him into the kitchen.

It leaves Lan Xichen with nothing to do, and no reason to hold himself together, and so the tears stream freely again.

When Lan Wangji and Lan Jingyi come back, Lan Xichen is no longer crying, but he must still be quite a sight, because Lan Jingyi offers him some of his snacks too. Lan Xichen takes them but he rewards Lan Jingyi with kisses for every offered piece, too.

“I know you don’t like him that much,” Lan Xichen says when Lan Jingyi dozed off against his side. “But I love him. I love him, Wangji. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And I know he’s just a man, but. He’s my man, my heart, and I don’t know how to do this without him.”

“You’re doing a good job so far,” Lan Wangji says, and it’s not the right thing to say, very far from it, but Lan Wangji is trying and Lan Xichen appreciates the effort. “I’m sorry he isn’t around,” Lan Wangji eventually tacks on and Lan Xichen nods.

“So am I.”

~*~*~

Wei Wuxian is the next one to visit him.

Jiang Cheng has been over a few times during the last two weeks, but he never stays for long, and they always fight. Lan Xichen is sure that if Jiang Cheng could, he would burn Lan Jingyi’s adoption papers, just so Lan Xichen can’t say he is Lan Jingyi’s father and that he won’t give him away.

Still, Lan Xichen can’t help to hope that this time, this day, it might be different. That they will have a nice day, that ends with a kiss and snuggles on the couch, and that Jiang Cheng might even sleep over.

It never happens.

When Wei Wuxian comes by, Lan Xichen is a run-down mess. He has more sympathy for Wei Wuxian’s breakdown in his living-room now.

“He’s miserable,” Wei Wuxian starts with, and Lan Xichen snorts.

“That would make two of us,” he bitterly gives back. “I just don’t see how I can change that.”

It’s not a truth he likes to acknowledge.

“You could give Lan Jingyi up,” Wei Wuxian says and Lan Xichen glares at him.

“Like you gave up Sizhui when Lan Wangji was unsure if he wanted to co-parent a child?” he snaps back and Wei Wuxian flinches.

“Lan Zhan wasn’t against kids,” he mutters.

“And I didn’t go out looking for Lan Jingyi,” Lan Xichen gives back. “I didn’t go out there, trying to find a way to destroy my relationship to Jiang Cheng. But Jingyi deserves to grow up happier than Wangji and I did.”

“Will he, if you’ll forever be sad that you lost Jiang Cheng over him?” Wei Wuxian wants to know.

“Yes,” Lan Xichen hisses. “Because I will make sure he never knows about that and that he is nothing but loved.”

“If you could give him to another family that would love him, would you?” Wei Wuxian asks and Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“Never.”

It isn’t even worth thinking about.

“If Lan Zhan and I would take him, and you could see him whenever you want. What then?”

It makes Lan Xichen pause, but in the end he shakes his head.

He couldn’t just give Lan Jingyi up.

“What if it would mean Jiang Cheng came back to you?” Wei Wuxian still asks and Lan Xichen’s breaths become shallow.

“What do you mean?”

“If you give Jingyi to us, and you can see him whenever you want, and Jiang Cheng would come back to you, would you do it?”

Lan Xichen blinks a few times, and his mouth twists with how much he hates himself for this but he says, “Maybe. May the gods help me, but maybe I would.”

“Okay,” Wei Wuxian says with a nod and he steps forward to pull Lan Xichen into a hug. “Okay, Xichen-ge.”

Lan Xichen clings to him, because he doesn’t know what else to do.

~*~*~

It’s been almost four weeks since Lan Xichen adopted Lan Jingyi, two days less since Jiang Cheng found out about it, and Lan Xichen can’t do this anymore.

Jiang Cheng feels more like a guest than anything else in his home, and by now Lan Xichen wishes he wouldn’t come by anymore.

He hates the distance between them, how careful he always has to tread around Jiang Cheng, how they don’t speak about the important things and do nothing but fight anymore, and Lan Xichen can’t continue like this.

Lan Jingyi deserves his full attention, and he can’t give that to him when half his mind is always busy trying to figure out if today is the day his shaky truce with Jiang Cheng breaks.

“Xichen?” Jiang Cheng asks, clearly not for the first time, and Lan Xichen drags his eyes over to him.

Jiang Cheng is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, Lan Jingyi perched on his hip, and it’s everything Lan Xichen ever wanted.

“I can’t go on like this,” Lan Xichen finds himself saying and Jiang Cheng frowns at him.

“What?”

“With us,” Lan Xichen clarifies. “I can’t do this anymore. This uncertainty. The fights. The constant wondering if today is the day you have enough. I’m not strong enough for that.”

“What are you saying?” Jiang Cheng wants to know, and he puts Lan Jingyi down.

Lan Xichen is afraid that is the only answer he’ll need.

“I’m saying that either you are in, that you want this, me and Lan Jingyi, or that you’re going to leave. You can either be a part of this family, even as just my boyfriend, or I need you to go.”

“I have been your boyfriend,” Jiang Cheng says through clenched teeth and Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“You haven’t. I don’t even remember the last time we kissed. The last time you told me you loved me was over the phone, three weeks ago. And I’m—I’m tired, Jiang Cheng. I need to know where we stand, because it can’t stay like this.”

There’s a long silence where Jiang Cheng just stares off into nothing, and then he nods.

“I see,” he says and goes to put on his shoes.

“Oh,” Lan Xichen whispers, because he hadn’t thought Jiang Cheng’s answer would come quite so quickly.

He thought they would at least fight one last time over this.

“I’ll see you later,” Jiang Cheng calls over his shoulder, leaving a completely heartbroken and stunned Lan Xichen in the living-room.

Lan Xichen only becomes aware that his hands are shaking, that he’s shaking all over, when Lan Jingyi reaches up to take his hand and tug him towards the play corner.

Lan Xichen follows him on auto-pilot, because he has to, his son takes precedence over his own shattering world, but he’s barely aware of what they are playing.

Lan Xichen keeps wondering why Jiang Cheng said they would see each other later, he keeps circling around that, because despite everything Lan Xichen still has some tiny grain of hope left; that Jiang Cheng will apologize, that he will come back, that they can get past this.

He knows it’s stupid, that they have both made very clear where they stood, and it’s on opposite sides, but Lan Xichen is an optimist at heart.

Even if it’s a crushed heart.

“Baba,” Lan Jingyi suddenly says as he puts his hands on Lan Xichen’s face, and Lan Xichen realizes with a start that he has been crying again.

“I’m sorry, A-Yi,” Lan Xichen presses out and tries to wipe the tears away, but they just won’t stop.

Lan Jingyi crawls into Lan Xichen’s lap to hug him, and Lan Xichen clings to his son.

It’s how they are still sitting when Lan Xichen hears the key turn in the lock. He lifts his head, wonders if maybe Jiang Cheng already told Wei Wuxian and now Lan Wangji wants to see how he is, but he is entirely unprepared to see Jiang Cheng step into the apartment.

“Wanyin?” Lan Xichen sobs out and Jiang Cheng takes one look at him before he rushes over to gather him into a hug.

“Xichen, no, I’m here, I’m here,” Jiang Cheng reassures him, peppering kisses all over Lan Xichen’s face, but Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“You left. I gave you a choice and you left!”

“To get my things,” Jiang Cheng tells him and pulls him, and Lan Jingyi, into his lap. “I should have said, I’m so stupid, I’m sorry. I left to get my things.”

“What things?” Lan Xichen asks as Lan Jingyi squirms around to get away from them, and Jiang Cheng briefly lets go of them to allow Lan Jingyi to escape, which he happily does.

“My things. I’m moving in, Xichen. I’m in.”

It doesn’t make sense.

“What?”

“I want this, with you. A family, if you’ll still have me. I’m all in. I love you, and I know it’s unforgivable what I put you through, but if you still want me, then I’m in. To stay, to be your partner, to be a part of this.”

Lan Xichen sobs again at that, because it’s everything he longed to hear during the past four weeks and Jiang Cheng pulls him even closer. Lan Xichen clings with shaking hands to him, as he cries and cries, but Jiang Cheng is there through it all.

“I’m sorry, too,” Lan Xichen gets out eventually but Jiang Cheng shushes him.

“Don’t be,” he silences him. “You did the right thing. You did and I’m sorry that I made you think anything else. You were right to adopt Jingyi.”

“Please mean this,” Lan Xichen begs, because he couldn’t stand it if Jiang Cheng changed his mind again.

“I do,” he says, and his voice is strong and steady. “I mean it. I’m in. I love you and we’re going to make this work.”

“Okay,” Lan Xichen breathes out and slumps against Jiang Cheng.

“So, is me moving in okay? Because I kind of didn’t renew my lease and I would hate to have to move in with Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji.”

It startles a laugh out of Lan Xichen and he turns around in Jiang Cheng’s lap, so he’s straddling his hips instead of being cradled and he pulls Jiang Cheng into a sweet kiss.

He has missed this so much.

“It definitely is more than okay,” Lan Xichen whispers against his lips and then hugs Jiang Cheng tight.

He almost lost this. He’s not about to let go of Jiang Cheng ever again.

#bt writes #xicheng #the untamed #mdzs #the lan-jiang family #angst #fighting #near break-ups #hurt/comfort

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purelyforschool · 4 years ago

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Critical Analysis on BTS’ Spine Breaker

Spine Breaker is a song by BTS with the central message that kids should not demand for expensive items from their parents to stay on trend. Although the lyrics does a good job at effectively communicating the message, the way the music video is presented and the image of K-pop idols does not effectively convey it.

The title “Spine Breaker” refers to someone who will hound their parents to buy them expensive, trendy items in order to make themselves look wealthy. Therefore, breaking the financial backbone of their parents and, quite literally, breaking their parents’ backs in the act of having them labor over expensive items.

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The song was released in 2014 under BTS’ second album “Skool Luv Affair”. It was primarily produced and written by Pdogg and OwO; BTS members RM, Suga, and J-Hope also helped in the writing of Spine Breaker. Later in 2017, BTS self-produced their own music video for this song as a special thank you for the fans.

Spine Breaker was greatly influenced by the North Face padded jacket trend in the early 2010s where expensive padded North Face jackets become symbols of class division amongst teenagers. "It was common for kids to beg their parents” for these North Face padded jackets and “many parents have complained that the fad had crimped household budgets” (“In South Korea”). By 2012, the padded jackets has become the objects of “robbery and bullying” even causing “half a dozen students [to commit] suicide” (“In South Korea”).

What happened? Are you falling behind on the trend? You whined so hard to have it given to you. Did I hit a nerve? Just like the padding, it’s filling up with greed Even watching your parents bent backs, you’re unrelenting You’re whining because your friends all have it, So they have to buy it for you (Ayo baby) Stop being so childish You’re not going to freeze, just because you’re not wearing that padded jacket Before you fill the jacket with goose down, Fill your head with some common decency, before it’s too late.

Lyrics like these directly reference the expensive North Face padded jackets. Criticizing the act of whining and begging your parents for expensive clothing. The song later refers to these as dirty clothes which is ironic since expensive clothing are supposed to symbol cleanliness and high class.

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The lyrics are very well written making it great for making teenagers reflect and think more deeply on the issue. However, if someone does not speak Korean, it may be harder to understand the message. I for one has been a fan of this song for years because of the catchy lyrics and style of the music, but I never understood what the message behind the song was before actively looking and researching the lyrics. Since Spine Breaker does contain a lot of fast rapping, it may even be hard for Korean speakers to clearly interpret the message.

There is also issue with cultural context. For example, the song start with:

The last line mentions education and students going to the “mountains”. This is based on a Korean saying that basically means the Korean education system has no direction; it it going nowhere. If someone was not familiar with all the cultural context such as the North Face trend or the Korean saying, they will have a hard time understanding the full message. Therefore they will not understand what exactly the song is trying to say. For example, for someone who don’t know the Korean saying and like hiking in the mountains, “education is going to the mountains” can have a positive connotation rather than a negative one and misinterpret the meaning of these lyrics.

For the music video, BTS uses a sarcastic and lighthearted approach. Members worn expensive jackets with pearl on them and fancy glasses with dollar signs special effects to display trendy and expensive clothes. They also choreographed simple dance moves that correspond with the chorus of “You’re the spine breaker, Your parents’ spine breaker”.

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The song touches upon relating issues like social status with visuals of members with and without shoes.

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Peer Pressure with lyrics in the view of kids who buy the padded jackets saying they will be ostracized if they do not.

That’s right, my padded jacket is terribly expensive and terribly ugly (But I say) But I really wanted it, what can I say? Even the kids who are poorer than me all have it. (And I say) If I don’t want to be ostracized, I have to buy it. It’s often like this at this age, don’t you think?

And others like consumerism, greed, and willful ignorance.

The way BTS produced the music video can effectively bring light to the issue while providing criticism in a less negative way. However, this can also give some teens the wrong idea. According to conditional media effects, “Individuals have the tendency, at least to a certain extent, to seek out content that does not deviate too much from their needs, goals, and beliefs” (Valkenburg 19). Therefore, “people’s opinions on a given issue influence how they respond to media messages and characters” (Valkenburg 19). Thus, teens who only cares about staying on trend may seek out the fact that BTS are wearing expensive jackets and fancy sunglasses in their music video, so they want to copy them and ask their parents to buy them these items.

BTS is a great medium to spread this message because their fanbase is mostly composed of teenagers. Their widespread popularity allows them to get to get the message across to more audiences. However, being in the entertainment industry where looks and wealth are very glorified may contradict with their message.

Growing up, it can be so easy to look to media and be attracted to materialistic things like expensive clothes, jewelry, and cars because all the celebrities have it. These desire for expensive items can then burden parents. Studies have shown that “involvement with celebrities can mediate media influence and lead adolescents to yearn for celebrities’ glamour and wealth. We found that adolescents who reported higher levels of intense-personal feelings with celebrities were more likely to value or to desire monetary and material possessions,”(Chia 34). I and friends around me have definitely been subjected to this at times.

For example, there was a period of time where MCM bags(cost: 800-1000 dollars) were extremely popular amongst all the K-pop idols and you would always see pictures of them rocking these bags in airports. I along with many other K-pop fans would unconsciously want to get these bags either to match our idol, to make us look good like it did with idols, or want it because of mindsets like “if all the Korean celebrities have one, why I can’t I?” As a result, fans are more likely to ask their parents for these kind of expensive items.

Although the message of this song does not go against consumerism, only sharing the value of if you want something, you should buy it with your own money rather than depending on your parents, higher desire for monetary and material possessions can potentially lead to increased likelihood of becoming a Spine Breaker.

Overall, I feel that BTS’ Spine Breaker did a pretty good job of conveying their message to people who speak Korean and is familiar with Korean culture. Their popularity also help spread the message to a wider audience. However, to foreigners, the message may be missed or misinterpreted unless they do further research. Their identity as celebrities can also conflict with their message since wealth is very glorified within the entertainment industry especially when it come to fashion, so fans are more likely to have desire for expensive items.

Works Cited

Chia, Stella C., and Yip Ling Poo. “Media, Celebrities, and Fans: An Examination of Adolescents' Media Usage and Involvement with Entertainment Celebrities.” Journalism & Mass Communication Quarterly, vol. 86, no. 1, 2009, pp. 23–44., doi:10.1177/107769900908600103.

“BTS - SPINE BREAKER ENG SUB 720p (170516)” YouTube, uploaded by w btsomethin, 16 May 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klDj_wqaNO8

“In South Korea, North Face Jackets Tied to Wave of Bullying, Theft.” Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles Times, 16 Jan. 2012, 4:00, latimesblogs.latimes.com/world_now/2012/01/south-korea-teenagers-north-face-fashion-fad-bullying.html.

Valkenburg, Patti and Oliver, and Mary. “Media Effects Theories: An Overview.” Oct. 2020, pp. 16–35.

#bts

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alazyamateurgamedev · 4 years ago

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Inaugural Post

I’m going to ramble a bit about some basics of game design on a far too philosophical level, but I think it is something to consider if you are considering game design. I end up feeling like this is something developers end up ignoring when they develop their games. For this particular rant, I’m going to focus mostly on video games, since by and large, they don’t have to involve other people, which makes the overall experience much different. So as I refer to gaming below, think mostly of video games, but I also think it still applies to all kinds of game design.

First of all, games are, by my definition at least, a form of art. This is at the core of a lot of my musings about gaming, and it supplies the main challenge in making something good. Sure, they have an extremely technical requirement in terms of making it, but it is still basically a form of art. I’m sure a lot of people who don’t get gaming would say “Oh its not art!”, but really the goal with a game is to achieve some sort of emotional response (IE Fun, joy, fear, etc) or possibly intellectual response (IE “Let me stop and think about this), and that is all I think any artist who is trying to achieve. In this particular case, I am defining an artist as anyone who creates some sort of creative work, and can include art, literature, music, movies, architecture, etc. Medium is not important in this context.

Now, I am also going to focus on the idea that a game designer wants to try to a) Share their game with anyone interested and b) make money. Now, there are many reasons to make art, and some of them don’t involve public exposure, for example, painting or drawing as a form of therapy. If that is the case, this discussion isn’t targeted at you. In completing your project, you have hopefully achieved what you wanted. So if you are designing and building a game for some personal reason with no real intention of exposing it to the public, then this does not apply to you. However, I presume most people who publish a video game are trying to achieve something else like making money, accolades of people, or just sharing something they think is fun. The first two may seem self-serving, but I don’t think it is wrong. You should get credit for the work you put into something.

Because it is a form of art, that makes creating something “Good” much, much more difficult. In engineering, you can pretty often easily define “good”. Your basic goal with a non-artistic product (say a refrigerator) is to make something that does what is expected (It keeps the inside cold at a fixed temperature), and mainly to do it for a profit. So, you can define your general goals pretty easily, and then test against them to know “Hey I did a good job” or “It does a bad job”. Things like “Does the temperature stay constant while it is running?” “Does it stay on?” and “Do the doors fall off if I open them too much?” are all things you can define and test against. This is a bit of an over-simplification, as the appearance of your fridge is quite important and subjective and also because it isn’t always easy to define what parameters are acceptable, or how to define the parameters, or how to test for them, but hopefully that doesn’t happen to you as an engineer, or if it does, that is why you are paid the big bucks.

Now, this long-winded explanation leads to why gaming is hard to design. At the core of almost any game is the idea that it should be “fun”. But it is extremely hard to define “Fun”. What is fun? As a baby, sucking on your toes could be considered fun, but most of you probably do not consider it fun now. Some people think hiking or running is fun, but I do not. So fun is different to different people, and different to the same person at different times. This means you have an impossible to define goal post when trying to design a game, at least from an engineering standpoint. I bring this up, because this is probably why you see major AAA game publishers publish substandard products, and sometimes why you see Kickstarter funded games take 3 extra years to develop (more on Kickstarter in future rants). For a software company, the company’s goal is to make money, and so to make a profit, they will need to sell enough copies of the game to cover the cost to develop it. Part of that cost basically boils down to time, since it costs money to pay employees, and the more time you take to develop a game, the more it costs the company, and the more copies they need to sell.

This is just an educated guess (I’m lazy, so I’m not going to do any research on this, but I’m sure it exists), but I expect many of the “Terrible flops” were actually the company defining some sort of timeline for the game’s development that ended up not working out. They either skimped on Quality Assurance (QA, also known as testing) and the game didn’t work right, or they skimped on development, and so the gameplay just wasn’t good. Sometimes, it is just a flawed design, and you figure that out too late, and you’ve already sunk a ton of money and time into the project and need to decide what to do about it. Do you go forward with a crappy design or do you go ahead and release a substandard product in hopes that you can make some of your money back? Most larger companies will choose the latter, because they need to stay in business. A handful do not, and they are interesting cases: Blizzard before they merged with Activision and Valve. Both were notorious for not releasing games quickly, and I think you can see the polish in the Diablo and Warcraft (But not World of Warcraft) series, as well as the Half-Life series. I made the possible mistake of playing Half-Life Alyx before any other VR game, and its beautifully defined controls have spoiled me as compared to other similar VR titles. However, I’m pretty sure they worked on that for ages before releasing it as perfect as they could. However, they have loads and loads of cash and can wait. Looking at Cyberpunk 2077, to me that looked like they ran out of testing time, and thus why it was such a buggy launch, despite the delays, and they were forced to launch. Finally, I expect the entire lack of tangible Diablo 4 news is because they think they are missing some major component to make it what they want it to be.

My overall point on all of this is that it can take time to develop something fun, especially something that can be as complex as a game. And on top of that, a game has technical challenges that other forms of art do not. Not only do you have to create a fun system, but you have to make it work, and do it in a visually and acoustically engaging way. So not only do you have to make the Art, sounds, story, gameplay, but you also have to make sure it all works right. There are some ‘shortcuts’ you can take, like using established game engines (Like the Unreal Engine or Unity) so you don’t have to invent from the ground up, but that both adds cost and a possibly restrictive framework to work in.

Now, you are probably asking why am I rambling about all of this? This goes back to what I was originally rambling about, which is why are you making a game. You are probably aiming for your game to be well received, and either make some money off it, or at the very least, get good reviews and encouragement. So my point is if you wish to be successful, please make sure your game is, at the core, fun. If, after you make it, you look back on it and think “I would never play this.” Or “I’d be bored with this after two minutes”, you probably didn’t do a good job. Most of this blog will probably revolve around this idea of what is (and isn’t) fun, so I hope you’ll keep reading it. If you take anything away from it, I think you should aim to make a game that is fun to the audience you want it to be fun for, but just remember that the more restrictive your audience, the less successful game you probably will have, and really to make sure your game is, in fact, fun.

#gaming #dev #development

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