#especially in kids shows where you can expect things to go unrealistically well because it’s fun and happy

[mylastmoleculeofserotonin]

I’m convinced that people who hate Mabel have a) never watched the show and/or b) don’t have siblings. Because until they encountered Bill Cipher for the first time, there was nothing to suggest Dipper’s obsession with the journals was more important or valid than Mabel just wanted to have a normal summer with a whirlwind romance. And even after incident with the portal Dipper and Ford actively keep everything secret from Mabel and Stan so she has no idea of the stakes or what Bill is capable of. Add to that that her dreams of the future were all suddenly crumbling around her all at once, and it is perfectly reasonable if not expected that she would fall for an immortal chaos demon’s tricks.

Also, most of the stuff involving the journal that goes wrong is Dipper’s fault but he still pretends like he and Mabel are in it together. And those of you who are siblings know that Mabel takes it extremely well. Like if I had accidentally sold my body as a puppet to a demon and the only way I could ask my sibling for help was through a sock puppet, I would expect them to help, but only after they spent a good half hour laughing and making fun of me with the additional consequence would be that any time I ask them for a small favor in the future, they would remind me that they were the one to save me from my stupid mistake, so no, they won’t pass me the salt.

(Also, can we just take a moment to see the giant double standards when it comes to the romances that Dipper and Mabel’s have. When Mabel pursues a romantic people treat it as irrelevant and getting in the way of the plot even when it doesn’t. But when Dipper tries to win Wendy’s affection, people expect Mabel to drop everything, sacrifice her pet, mess with time travel to help set up a scenario which Dipper can win a carnival game as a flex.)

[the-bloody-sadist]

Hello, sorry if this ask is awkward. I've come upon many of your works and they've always pulled me in. Thinking it over, I realize that I bleed my perfectionist issues into my writing and make all my characters OP or stereotypical or generally boring. How can I stop being scared of writing "human" characters? Is there a way to do that?

You don't have to answer this. You can delete this ask if I'm being weird here. Thank you for taking your time to read this, though.

From Juni.

This is not awkward in the least!!! I'm very happy to hear the questions, especially on writing! That's something I know a lot about, even if I don't believe myself capable of applying all of my knowledge in the best ways possible for some of my own works. Still, character psychology is my favorite topic.

What I would say is the most important thing (and I'm a perfectionist as well) is to realize that the more flaws a character has, the more relatable they are. The less flaws they have, the more unrealistic they are - thus unlikable or un-relatable.

To address the certain types you mentioned specifically, I'll try and use examples. For instance, if you have an OP character, the best way to make them interesting is to give them an emotional weakness. If it's Saitama from Once Punch Man, who can literally defeat any threat in a single punch, give him a friend, and then make that friend the threat, that friend the villain, whether the friend is a traitor or an unwilling participant to another villain's plans. What's he gonna do, then? Not be OP and kill him in one punch.

For OP characters, the trick is generally to make the conflict more complicated and emotional. Since I'm character-focused as a writer, the way I might do an OP character is to give him a fragile personality type. Extreme contrast to his OP-ness is interesting, it adds a direct opposite.

Opposites are the best trick to making any character complex.

If you have issues with stereotypical characters, you can use this same method. Did you make a jock character? The kind that stereotypically bullies the weak kids, has multiple girlfriends, is a player, etc? Make him a crybaby. Make him sensitive. Make him a bully of kids that remind him of himself. Maybe he can't keep girls because they expect him to be tough and cool, but then he has a breakdown over something small and they laugh at him. Cheerleader stereotype? Usually vain, obsessed with being a ringleader? Give her self-hatred so extreme that she can't even look at herself if she's not wearing layers of makeup. She hates being popular, but does it out of necessity for her own survival in the school, or else she'd be bullied, and she can't deal with that.

Typically the problem with stereotypes is that we've seen them so much (thus the label) that we no longer care about them when we see them. If you give us something that we can empathize with, relate to, or feel bad for them over, you've made progress!

Being worried about writing 'human' characters is usually a reflection of your own fear of your own flaws. You have to allow a certain amount of vulnerability with yourself when you write, including trying to let characters adopt traits from you. Almost every one of my own characters has something (many things) related to me that they deal with, whether habits or trauma types or fears or mental illnesses. That's why I'm able to write them that way! So honestly, if you're a perfectionist, try writing a character who's also perfectionist. If they want to be perfect so badly that they show none of their flaws, give them an arc where it bottles up so much that it eventually bursts out somehow.

In the end, there are quite a few ways to spice up a character. For me, I most often go to trauma. It's my passion, obviously, but it holds a lot of weight. When a character has past trauma, it shapes everything that they are in the present.

I have books I use that indicate common traits of different traumas or backstory events if I struggle with some (The Emotional Wound Thesaurus by Becca Puglisi and Angela Ackerman is the best, and I recommend all of their other thesauruses as well). This helps me if I get stuck, though I've used it so much that it's old hat by now, and my own experiences most often inform my characters'.

If you want deeper thoughts on the matter, feel free to ask me any other questions you have, or take a look at the Positive and Negative Traits Thesauruses from those authors! They have sections in the beginning of all of their books that give the most excellent breakdowns of how to create a perfectly flawed character and how to make the audience care.

Thank you so much for the ask - much love to you!! <3

[sokkastyles]

With this new comic coming out though, and the Avatar Studios thing, do you think Azula will actually be redeemed? It'll be a bit ambitious to juggle an arc across three separate pieces of media. And also considering that her crimes were more, hm, personal than other characters', the way they handle her relationships to people like Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee will have to be complicated as well. Considering the people who actually wrote her arc might not be involved in the project anymore, and the dip in the quality of the writing for this series, I have to wonder if they might be better of just leaving her as is, a tragic character who demonstrates how abuse can ruin you and turn you into an abuser yourself. I just don't want her to be redeemed, not because I think she is incapable of it or doesn't deserve to heal, it's because it won't be done well, and it really does not serve much purpose. We got one redemption arc, we don't need a cheap copypaste or an inferior one (which is what this will be). I feel like the creators are just trying to squeeze more out of this popular series since the boom when it came on Netflix. But idk lol.

Yeah, the comics aren't interested in actually developing the characters, nor do I expect these movies to. That's why all the post-series materials just have the characters treading water and rehashing old storylines. They're meant to be episodic content, so although they may flirt with Azula's redemption, the status quo won't really change. Especially if Azula features in the movies at all, the writers can't rely on the audience knowing about character development that only occurs in a post-series comic.

And we know Aaron Ehasz isn't going to be involved, but I have my doubts about whether that twitter thread he wrote was actually his intended trajectory for Azula, because you are right about her narrative function. She is mostly a foil for Zuko, and while giving her a redemption isn't impossible, it was not her intended function as a character.

And, honestly, it disturbs me how many people say it's unrealistic that Azula never heals or becomes a nicer person. I know tumblr is allergic to understanding that the world isn't sunshine and rainbows all the time, but it belittles what the show is saying about the real harm that abuse does to people to pretend the only stories worth telling about abuse are ones where everyone turns out better in the end. Sometimes people don't. Sometimes people break, and that's sad, but those stories are necessary to tell, as cautionary tales if nothing else. It's not hard to see the link between fans who insist that Azula's redemption is the only story worth telling about her, and fans who have no patience for Zuko when even after his redemption, he is still an abused kid who carries scars both physical and emotional and acts like one.

[thebreakfastgenie]

I watched the AfterMASH pilot

These are my thoughts.

The frustrating thing about this show isn't that it's bad. It's that it has so much potential. I've said I think AfterMASH was bad idea, because putting characters back together after Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen undermines the ending. I know the choice of characters simply came down to which actors were interested, but if you're going to do a MASH sequel with multiple characters, I can suspend disbelief that those three would end up together again. In particular, Potter helping Klinger get a job makes sense. For the most part, I like the set up of the actual VA hospital. I like the hospital administrator taking on the role of the brass in the original show. I mostly like how the patients are being handled so far. The WAC with VD (as it was called then) was a good storyline that pushed the envelope a little in a very MASH way. This storyline also reminded me that Dr. Walter Dishell, the medical advisor for MASH, came back for AfterMASH. If his interview is accurate, he often advocated for slightly progressive or controversial storylines on medical shows he worked on.

I think Potter's arc is handled quite well. It makes sense that he'd get antsy being semi-retired, and that possibility is even set up in GFA when he's reading Mildred's list of chores. It all happens a bit fast in the pilot, but that's to be expected. I think setting the show in September 1953 is an interesting choice, and the whole thing would work better if it was set even a few months later. I guess they went with September so it would match the television season (a lot of shows do this) but in that case I'd say the better thing to do is set it in September 1954 and show parts of the first fourteen months home in flashbacks, or else set the pilot later in 1953 or early in 1954 and get the show to September 1954 by the second episode.

So far, the way Klinger's arc has been handled doesn't thrill me, but it's okay. Klinger running into trouble readjusting to stateside life, especially when he's established as being a tough street kid before he was drafted, makes a lot of sense. Of course the treatment of veterans was a widespread issue, and this is a classic MASH storyline in that it's pretty clearly commentary about Vietnam vets too, and I imagine it was even harder for Klinger coming hope a couple of months after most of the other returning vets. I would also have liked to see some exploration of how Klinger being Lebanese-American and having a Korea refugee wife and the systemic racism they face play into his experiences with the justice system. I do love that courtroom scene, because that speech feels like the Big Hawkeye Speech, but it's Klinger, and he does it beautifully. Klinger absolutely should inherit the Hawkeye roll. It's strange that we haven't heard anything about his family, but I think that might come up later, so I'm withholding judgment on that.

Klinger and Soon Lee being back in the States within two months feels unrealistic and in my opinion really undermines their ending in GFA. I know they had to be back for the show to work, but this is another problem that would be solved by just setting the show a little bit later. I'm disappointed that Soon Lee's family is relegated to a throwaway line. Soon Lee wanting to come back to the States with Max makes sense (and she even implies in GFA she wants to, just not until she finds her family) and I can definitely believe her family might not want to come, so Max and Soon Lee getting them set up and sending them money is an acceptable direction to go, though I think it's a missed opportunity for supporting characters. Even if only Soon Lee's brother came with them, you could have the potential of him working at the hospital too, or other storylines. Bringing Soon Lee's family over later (possibly just her brother, for education) could also have a lot of potential. Basically, I'd just like more of how they got where they are and how they feel about it. Jamie Farr and Rosalind Chao have fantastic chemistry and could absolutely carry this show. Let the characters of color be leads, come on.

I am beyond pissed about Mulcahy's arc, in multiple ways. I'm giving this show the benefit of the doubt that his drinking problem will actually become a recurring theme over the next two seasons, but the way it's handled in the pilot is atrocious. That scene where he's just in bed drunk and helpless and his sister calls Colonel Potter?? His depression over his situation is understandable, but he literally ended GFA saying that while he would miss parish work, he wanted to work with the Deaf. I can totally see many ways that might not work out, but it's not even addressed at all. I don't exactly mind him regaining some hearing; he was never properly evaluated or treated in GFA. But it seems as if his deafness has been essentially cured and that's the coward's way out! Let him have an operation that restores partial hearing, leave him hard of hearing. Maybe that's why working with the Deaf doesn't work out, because he doesn't quite fit in there, but he doesn't quite fit in the hearing world either. The way I would handle his storyline is I'd have him have the operation at the VA, and while recovering bond with other disabled veterans as a fellow patient, making him want to stay. Maybe even have him meet another Catholic patient who's unable to attend services offsite, but hasn't bee able to attend them at the hospital either because there isn't a priest.

I can definitely see Larry Gelbart's fingerprints; some of the dialogue is very good. I have money on Alma and the hospital administrator sleeping together, like early seasons Frank and Margaret. I'm hoping for more Mildred and Soon Lee. Unexpectedly, I like the resident. I like his relationship with Klinger. Still, I want the MASH characters to get more focus and I suspect this guy is going to take more of it than than I'd like. The other secretary seems okay, I just hope they don't do anything too weird with her having a crush on Klinger.

References to other MASH characters: Hawkeye 1

[abandonedaccount1234]

really random thought i've had since I finished watching one tree hill last year...the oversexualization of teenagers in media is a conversation that needs to be had.

TRIGGER WARNING:

Mentions of SA towards the end. It is 🚩flagged🚩for you to move past if you need it.

the oversexualization of teenagers in media is a conversation that needs to be had.

friendly reminder that while some actors are adults, their characters are often not. and it makes me personally really uncomfortable with just how comfortable media is with oversexualizing teenagers.

it's made me feel this way since I was like 14 myself and i realized some adults are sitting in a room somewhere writing sex scenes about literal children together. like...what? how is that okay?

or when i saw people (**emphasizing it is not everyone, not even close but still needs to be talked about**) legitimately upset there weren't any sex scenes in fucking heartstopper. charlie is literally 14 years old when the show starts, what the hell is wrong with you.

i think prime example is shows like euphoria or even bringing it back to one tree hill. both shows with showrunners/executives who purposefully oversexualized and adult-i-fied teenagers beyond their years, especially young women and then shame those same characters who choose to be sexually active in different ways.

it feels like the media is reinforcing these ideals of growing up too fast, almost? if that's the best way i can explain it. you have people in real life saying everyone is on their own timeline and then the media shows teenagers doing adult things, and then people either feel 1) like they're way behind or b) that it's okay to shame people who aren't living life on their own timeline that may be faster or just simply different than someone else's.

sex and exploration is natural. it's a part of life. sex and exploration is just about inevitable for some at that age. that's not the problem.

the problem for me is with shows that use their script as some perverted fantasy about minors. or have fans who over sexualize them because the actors are adults but their characters are literally sophomores/juniors in high school.

while the characters may not be real, the sentiment towards them is. and i feel like there needs to be a conversation about that as a whole. if you wouldn't morally say that to, do that to, or even thank about anything in that realm about a 16 year old in real life as an adult, why is it okay for you to say that about a fictional character of the same age and mentality?

***having adults play teenagers play teenagers is whole other subtopic about setting unrealistic expectations through media***

i feel like this also goes towards fanfiction...how many times have you read something where someone had to point out several times they were not comfortable with writing smut either because of their age, the characters', or they just simply did not consent to do doing so because they did not want to and people harassed them for it anyways? i have many MANY times.

there are ways to go about sex in media targeted towered a certain age with taste and respect. every other way just sets unrealistic expectations and false narratives that masses of people are buying into. or are seeing as being okay. no one should be made to feel shamed. and no one should be made to feel pressured. it's even reflected in clothing and music as well.

my brothers and I are just about 10 years apart. what was in media when they were teenagers versus what was in media as I am feels vastly different. the overall what is allowed in any context feels concerningly different in the level it's reached, but the same with shows like OTH who were maybe a little too okay with what they were showing. this isn't anything new. it's just worse.

I think it's also important to bring up censorship in the sense that we don't want to go too far in banning what we show or talk about because you can never fully hide something from a kid. especially this day in age. it's honestly just not safe to act like things like sex and drugs don't exist. when you villainize them so young instead of having an open. respectful conversation, you make a kid more curious to see what all the fuss is about.

prime example are the shows Boy Meets World and Girl Meets World. (Boy Meets World for YEARS after it aired on ABC, having been moved to Disney Channel.)

the topics that were even allowed to be discussed on either are VASTLY different. BMW did a whole episode on the emotional vulnerability of cults. CULTS. Could you imagine disney doing cults today? I know that as a whole by the time GMW came out, tv had entirely shifted on networks like disney from family shows to kids show. that's a big part of the problem. being afraid to have respectful, safe conversations is where things go wrong. when people are left to figure things out on their own, it can go down hill very fast.

younger and younger there's pressure to do things like wear makeup and crop tops and have already met these certain milestones when it comes to love (and even sex) through what media tells them to do.

i think with so much access to any form of media via the internet today, younger generations are heavily exposed to far from innocent things younger and younger. that scares me. it scared me then. it scares me now.

and i don't know. it just makes me uncomfortable when i see someone be like "ooh, i went feral at this scene" and the characters are supposed to be like 16-17. And then the person commenting it is in their late 20s, early 30s or older. it's just not adding up to me. i do have problems with reading social cues so maybe I'm overthinking this.

maybe it's a conversation of separating art from artist? i don't know if i'm wording this right. i don't want to get attacked on here for not being sex positive or whatever. i absolutely am.

there is nothing wrong with having sex.

i think sex and affection needs to be a consented choice for anyone involved whenever they feel ready, safe, and respected. i just don't feel like that's being reflected enough in media, particularly in media geared towards young people. you can never be too respectful or too consenting. that fact that we live in an age where people have to say the find consent sexy in order to have their boundaries respected is a little mortifying.

🚩STARTS HERE>TRIGGER WARNING: SA

and then you hear about these horrible experiences people have and you have to start wondering why those people (particularly assaulters) were made to think it was okay to that. or even victims who are made to feel like they're crazy for having not been ready or people who get shamed for having not lost their virginity yet or been kissed yet.

because hatred and abuse of power is absolutely taught. we see this with the shitty alpha male mentality. young boys are being taught by online presences that they should be in total control of a woman's life and her body, that women should be servants to men and be grateful men even let them exist. those are people who are gonna grow up and go into the real world and think that is okay. who ar entirely unaware that women do in fact have rights.

THAT IS VERY SCARY. Women and LGBT youth are losing their rights to conservative agendas around the world. These combinations are lethal. They are deadly. It is so much more than just a sex scene.

It's understanding that assault, harassment, and harm have a spectrum. any form of nonconsenting advances are still assault, harassment, and harm. they are still devastatingly traumatizing.

and they start with social spheres of influence like the media and peers who tell them it's okay to violate someone else.

🚩ENDS HERE>TRIGGER WARNING: SA

you look at how teenagers are with social media today alone. while they are teenagers, they are still children. their brains are still forming. their ideals of what is right and wrong is being heavily influenced by what they see on a screen. kids are being exposed to too much and i'm just wondering when it's gonna stop. is it ever gonna stop? or have we genuinely reached a point of no return in society?

is this something scientists are gonna study 40 years from now and say this is where we went wrong? i don't want my future children exposed to the levels of adulthood that children are being exposed to now. this goes beyond how sex is represented.

it's a conversation about how do we as a society protect and respect the age timeline of milestones so there isn't so much pressure in the media to grow up faster than one needs to or should. parents and guardians can only do so much on there end. at some pint, some of the responsibility lies with the media being shown too. kids are sneaky. especially ones with strict parents. those kids need to be protected.

My mom used to love watching Law and Order: SVU. That shit was traumatizing to even catch glimpses of as a child. But my parents had safe, respectful conversations with me about what I saw so I would know what was and what isn't okay. i still shouldn't have been exposed to that in way shape or form (sorry not sorry mom, still love you🥰.)

this was a really long post and i don't tend to get a lot of interaction so if you do happen to see any of this by chance of a miracle, please comment and share your thoughts. i know mentalities around social media and sex are different around the world. i'm just curious as to how those conversations are had and how media is different depending on where you are with topics like these.

i don't even know how to tag this so this is probably really random

[captains-simp]

Wanda Maximoff ~ Fake It Till You Make It

Wanda version of this fic as requested by @yeetus-thyself

7.7k words

Warnings: shitty family and homophobia

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Pleeaasse, Wan" You pouted once again. You had been begging Wanda for the favour for an hour now; her stubborness was proving hard to overcome.

"I'm busy." Wanda said, her accent strong as she walked around her appartment to collect things for her next mission.

"But will you be busy on the 10th?" You asked from the couch where you watched her disappear into various rooms as she talked.

"I thought you said it was a few days." Wanda quipped, seemingly only giving you half her attention.

"It is." You confirmed with some hope.

"So I'd need to clear my schedule for more than just the 10th." You huffed and rested your head on the back of couch.

"Yes you would. I'm sure Natasha can manage without you for a few days."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." She muttered.

"Please, Wan." You tried. "I need a win." Wanda stopped by the kitchen counter and gave you a long, considering look. You had long given up on your puppy dog eyes and instead copied her expression as you chewed on your bottom lip.

"I'll think about it." Wanda finally said before grabbing something from the cupboard. It was the best response you had gotten all night and you knew you wouldn't get anything more. So you accepted it and hoped for the best.

Your parents had invited you to their cabin for a few days just like they did every year. It was a beautiful place. You could spend your whole visit in the forest along the back. Or swimming in the clear lake that was a short walk away. The cabin itself was the cosiest place you had ever been and had been where some of your best memories had happened as a kid.

As you got older things changed. Being around your family, especially your parents, wasn't as enjoyable. They had high expectations for their children, expectations that your siblings had met without a problem but ones that you had struggled with. You enjoyed your life. You had the kind of relationships you had always hoped for, you loved your job and you had the perfect balance of the two. But you could never shake the feeling that you had failed.

Your brother was a surgeon who always told you all stories of the lives he saved and the close calls he had swooped in to save people from. One of your sisters was some hot shot lawyer who had done great things like help people wrongly convicted but still put dangerous people back on the street. And your other sister was the CEO of an energy company that you never quite understood. They even all had equally successful partners who loved to talk about themselves as much as your siblings did. You didn't have any of that. But you did have Wanda.

Knowing the Avengers was the only thing about you your family took interest in. They were always subtly hinting at wanting to meet your friends. But you knew the Avengers had to endure enough fan service and didn't want to push your family onto them, especially with how annoying they all were.

However as your family's unrealistic expectations reached their all time high you were sure you wouldn't be able to handle another trip with them without a win, and you were far too petty to take the moral high ground and just not go. Not to mention that was a huge part of you that was dying to see what the Wanda girlfriend experience would entail. Yep, that was what you were asking of Wanda. To pretend to be your partner for the duration of the trip.

You knew it wasn't a smart choice. That if Wanda agreed your crush on her could get out of hand. You knew you would end up getting too caught up in the act. You could have, no - should have - asked Natasha or Yelena or even Carol if she was around. But your family knew you were the closest with Wanda and she would be the one it felt the most natural with, and the most believable. At least, that was what you told Wanda.

"When are you going?" You asked, changing the subject in hopes that Wanda wouldn't suddenly conclude she didn't want to do it (then you really would have to ask one of the others).

"Tomorrow." She answered, keeping her focused tone.

"When will you be back?" You attempted to keep the concern out of your voice but the glance the redhead gave you told you you hadn't done a good job.

"The day after." She said, softer this time. You nodded as you looked down at your lap and tried not to think about everything that could possibly go wrong on her mission.

"Be safe." Wanda strolled over to you and placed her hand gently ontop of yours and gave it a quick squeeze.

"Always."

*

"Got any plans Saturday night?" Natasha smirked knowingly at her friend as they preped for their mission.

"No." Wanda replied as she adjusted her earpiece.

"Nothing with y/n then?" Nat asked, partly genuinely but mostly knowing Wanda would still say no.

"Nope." She said again, biting the inside of her cheek in consideration before speaking again. "Not this Saturday."

Natasha raised an eyebrow in surprise and interest. Wanda rarely made any kind of special plans with you as you would always hang out casual and it was never anything fancy or different. She had always wanted to though.

"Plans for another time?" Nat continued as she double checked her pack.

"Maybe, I'm still thinking about it." The redhead turned fully to her friend at her words, confused at why Wanda was hesitant to spend time with you. "She wants me to go to the cabin with her and her family." Nat had heard all about the infamous cabin and your family.

"That sounds fun." Nat nodded. The cabin sounded fun. Your family did not.

"As her girlfriend." Nat's eyes widened excitedly but before she could speak Wanda clarified. "Her pretend girlfriend."

Nat paused and looked as though she was going to speak for several seconds until she stuck to just giving a confused look.

"Yeah." Wanda sighed. "Thinks it would seem impressive." Wanda had tried not to be hurt over that. She knew you weren't just friends with her to show her off to people, because you never did. But it hurt her to think the only time you could see her in a romantic way was when you were pretending.

"Well," Nat muttered as she adjusted the zip along the front of her catsuit. "Fake it till you make it." It was Wanda's turn to give Nat a questioning look. "Maybe it'll be an eye opener for her."

"You think I should do it?" She asked, fully open to hearing and accepting her friend and mentor's advice in that area.

"Definelty." Nat confirmed. She wasn't sure about it for the reasons she said though. Wanda's crush on you was obvious to everyone except you, just as it was vice versa.

*

You had been overjoyed when Wanda told you she would come with you to the cabin and play along as your girlfriend. She had told you when she came back from her mission, in fact it was the first thing she said after she had let herself into your appartment. It was never really brought up after that, but you couldn't deny you were incredibly anxious on the week leading up to the visit.

On the drive up to the cabin you and Wanda stayed in a comfortable silence most of the time, clearly both lost in thought. You had the radio on for background noise more than anything else, but you would occasionally lightly tap the steering wheel if there was a tune you recognised, oblivious to Wanda's acknowledging smiles.

"So what's the plan?" Wanda asked as she looked at you expectantly. Right, of course the Avenger wanted a strategy.

"Keep things simple, I guess. They know how we met already so we can just say at some point we took things a step further than friendship." Wanda didn't seem convinced at the simplicity of that. "Look they're not going to want to hear about us, not much at least. They prefer the sound of their own voices, they'll be trying to impress you is all."

"Impress me?" Wanda asked.

"Yeah, hope you warm up to them so one day they can invite you to their snobby parties." Wanda chuckled her heart warming laugh as she glanced out of the window, knowing there was a lot of truth to what you said.

"And what are those like?" She enquired curiously.

"I wouldn't know, I've never been invited." You said simply. You had gotten over that a long time ago, gotten used to being forgotten. Wanda clearly hadn't though.

"It will be an honour to turn them down." Wanda said. You shook your head and smiled at her. That did sound pretty nice.

When the cabin came into sight between the trees your nerves spiked. You figited in your seat and bit your lip when you saw some of your family gathered outside, their attention instantly on you. You shot Wanda a quick smile which she returned before you got out of the car.

"Y/n! So nice of you to come." You mum said as her eyes flickered to Wanda more than you. She opened her arms for the shortiest hug in human history before turning to Wanda. "You must be Wanda, we've heard so much." You mum insisted as she brought the redhead in for a hug too. She raised her eyebrows at you over your mum's shoulder and you bite back a laugh.

The others came over to greet you and mainly Wanda in a rush, overwhelming both of you.

"You two will be in the upstairs bedroom on the left." Your mum told you as you went to grab your bags. You did a double take, convinced you had heard her wrong. That was the best room in the house. A big difference from being in the small room in the basement every other time you had been there.

"First one on the left." Your dad confirmed. There was no way your parents were going to be in the basement so you wondered who else had been moved around but didn't ask, knowing whoever it was wasn't going to be happy.

You and Wanda made your way up to the room and you couldn't help but smile at the sight of the spacious room and the door you knew led to your en suite.

"That was...a lot." Wanda summarised as she said her bag under the bed.

"I would tell you it gets better but I don't want to get your hopes up." You sighed as you got a couple of things out.

"It's just a few days." Wanda said despite the fact you should have been assuring her.

"Yeah." You nodded and stared down at the floor. "Now c'mon." You suddenly said as you took ahold of Wanda's hand and laced your fingers together. You missed the startled blush that crept onto her cheeks when you turned around.

Your family were sat outside whispering amongst themselves when you returned. Their interested gaze fell to your entwined hands in an instant.

"So you work with the Avengers?" Your brother, Dalton, said as soon as you both sat down.

"I do, I'm one myself." Wanda said as she continued to hold onto your hand.

"Must be crazy, what are they like?" He enquired.

"They're good." Wanda said simply. Everyone clearly expected something more but Wanda pretended not to notice making you smile.

"I almost did business with Stark once, decided against it in the end." Claire announced proudly. You and Wanda exchanged knowing glances. Stark had told you all about his encounter with your sister, it definetly wasn't her turning him down.

"I was invited to one of his parties." Anna said quickly. "I was busy that night unfortunately."

Bull. Shit.

"Yes I remember working with Doctor Strange when he was still in the medical profession." You gave Wanda an I-told-you-so look as your family erupted into conversation over who had the most contact with the heroes. That had to be a new record of how quickly they started talking about themselves.

They continued like that until your mum called everyone in for dinner. The food smelt undeniably amazing as you took your place at the table next to Wanda and eyed the dishes infront of you. Your parents efforts to impress the redhead weren't all that bad.

Your family continued to catch up and and you and Wanda half listened as you ate. They were all doing as well for themselves as ever and still hadn't learnt any modesty.

Although you were proud of your siblings for what they had all achieved, Wanda had contained four potentially devastating bombs from going off in the space of half an hour a week before but she wasn't going to bring that up anytime soon. Eventually though, the attention turned to you to bring you out of your silence.

"And you're still working in that little café, y/n?" Your mum asked curiously.

"I own it, mum." You corrected quietly as you stabbed some pieces on your plate.

"Ah yes, quite the contrast though, isn't it. Between you two." She said as she pointed at you and Wanda with her fork. You didn't say anything to that because you felt there really wasn't anything to say in response. It wasn't like you hadn't thought that exact thing every now and then.

"The team loves it." Wanda said suddenly making everyone, including you, look at her in slight surprise from speaking up. It hadn't taken your family long to learn Wabda wasn't much of a talker, not to them anyway. You couldn't get her to shut up half the time. "At least one of us goes everyday. If we're lucky we all can. Nothing beats it." She defended simply before turning back to her food to show she wasn't going to say anymore. You smiled down at your plate at her words and the truth of them.

No one said anything in response, clearly shocked from this new information until Dalton spoke up.

"But doesn't Stark like fancy, top of the line, restaurants? I can't imagine him in some random coffee shop, no offence sis." He nodded towards you though you knew he didn't mean it. He couldn't let you have just one win.

"That random coffee shop has catered some of Stark's parties. Not that many though." A smug smile crept onto Dalton's face as he opened his mouth to make a snarky remark but Wanda cut him down again. "Because y/n's invited to the rest as a guest and a close friend." Your family stared at you with open mouths.

"You've been invited to Stark's parties?!" Anna exclaimed. In your defence, your family never wanted to hear about your life so you never got the chance to tell them anything.

"It's not really my crowd." You shrugged. "I just go to hang out with them after." Dalton's jaw clenched in annoyance and he didn't say anything for the rest of dinner. It was only really your mum who kept talking. Telling everyone about her latest travels that fell on death ears.

It was certainly a first for your family.

When everyone had finished their food you and Wanda excused yourselves and said goodnight before retiring to your room. Wanda shut the door gently as you collapsed onto the bed on your back and glared at the ceiling. The redhead shuffled around quietly to get her toothbrush and toothpaste and some other things you weren't really paying attention to and went into the bathroom.

When she came back out she was in her bedclothes and lifted your feet off the floor to turn you so you could fully lay on the bed. You smiled at her weakly.

"You should go get changed." Wanda said as she got her laptop out her bag. "Then you can pick a movie." She announced when she had gotten under the covers and started her laptop. You smiled more and nodded.

You tried not to think about your family and everything they had said at dinner as you got changed but it proved difficult. Everything they had said echoed around in your head but most of all you couldn't shake the disregarding ways they said it. It was as though you could do no right with them. Maybe they would never be proud no matter what you did.

You placed your toothbrush back I'm the holder and rinsed your mouth before heading back into the bedroom to an awaiting Wanda.

You got under the covers next to her and rested your head on her shoulder as you glanced at the Netflix screen and pointed to one of the comedy movies.

About ten minutes into the movie Wanda spoke. "You okay?" She whispered as she continued to look at the screen although that wasn't where her focus was.

"Yeah." You whispered back.

"You can talk to me." She said after a second." You moved your head away so you could see Wanda clearly.

"I'm so glad you're here." You said honestly. She smiled and nodded as her eyes searched yours.

"I'm glad I'm here too." You knew Wanda wasn't glad she had to spend the time with your family. She was glad that she could support you despite their efforts to bring you down. You were incredibly lucky to have her.

You rested your head back on her shoulder and neither of you spoke for the rest of the movie. Or the rest of the night. You must have fallen asleep about half an hour in.

*

Wanda was one of the most intimate people you had ever met. It was mainly something she aimed towards you and Natasha but didn't refrain from comforting others and giving hugs to anyone who would take one. She never held back at all with you, as far as you knew. But when you woke up and couldn't tell where your limbs started and Wanda's ended, you were still surprised to find yourselves like that. Butterflies flew around in your stomach in a way you knew was dangerous but couldn't help but love.

You were resting your head on her rising chest and had your arm slung across her stomach. Your legs were tangled together and her arms were holding onto your waist. A warmth spread through you and you decided to settle back into her hold and closed your eyes with a content smile.

You had about ten minutes to enjoy that before Wanda woke up. You could feel the moment she realized you were so close, she physically froze. You waited in anticipation for something for several moments until your friend very slowly unhooked her legs and guided your body to lay against the mattress and pillows as she slipped out of bed towards the bathroom.

You sighed when you heard the door close and rubbed your eyes slowly, knowing you should get up but wishing more than anything that you could return to how you woke up.

"Morning." Wanda croaked when she left the bathroom and saw you sitting up in bed.

"Morning." You said back with a smile and tried not to focus on how ridiculously attractive her voice sounded.

You gathered some random clothes into a bundle and went into the bathroom to change again and brush your teeth. When you came out Wanda was pulling her shirt over her head and gave you a generous view of her toned stomach. That training with Natasha really was paying off. Your face heated up when you saw it and you turned away to pretend you hadn't seen when Wanda noticed you.

"Don't make a sound." Wanda warned. You glanced up at her with some confusion. "I don't think your family's awake yet, that means we get the kitchen to ourselves." She grinned and you did too.

You and Wanda had gotten so used to getting up early for your jobs you forgot other people would still be sleeping. It was hard to break out of the habit but it proved useful.

The pair of you made a quick breakfast and ate it outside thanks to the warm weather even at that time. But soon enough your parents came downstairs and ruined the peaceful atmosphere with the clanging of pots and loud convosations.

You wandered around the side of the house and saw the old table tennis table that bad been folded away years ago and hadn't been set up since. You went over and started setting it up when Wanda joined you and eyed the table with a glimmer of mischief.

The redhead wasn't all that competitive, in fact you were pretty sure she let other people win games on the regular to make them feel better about themselves. But there was an undeniable spark of mischief in her eyes when she saw the table.

"You played this before?" You asked convosationally.

"I have." She said as you both automatically took up your positions of opposite ends of the table.

"Me too." You said confidently. "A lot." Wanda hummed in acknowledgment and swivelled her bat in her hand and stood ready. You smiled at her seriousness for the game.

You served surprisingly well for someone who hadn't played in a few years and Wanda was able to hit it back with ease. Once you had developed a steady pace you started hitting the ball more daringly to Wanda who was caught off guard before she started doing the same.

The moment you missed the ball a small smile tugged at the corner of Wanda's lips, her celebration was short lived when you suddenly sent the ball back her way until it was too late.

"That wasn't fair!" She exclaimed childishly.

"That was tables tennis." You said seriously but started smiling again.

Wanda huffed dramatically and flipped you off as she trudged back to the table and served the ball with force. You managed to send it back but took a step away from the table in caution.

You continued like that for a while. The competition tension rising as you picked up the pace, one of you occasionally getting a point before the other evened it out.

At one point you were vaguely aware of Dalton sauntering over to see what you were doing and arched his brow at the sight of the table.

"We still have this thing?" He questioned and you hummed quietly in response, too focused on the game.

"Hey Claire! Get over here, we're playing table tennis." You rolled your eyes at the intrusive and could sense Wanda refraining from doing the same until an idea popped into your head.

You caught the ball in your hand and smiled at Wanda's protests as you moved round to her side of the table just as your sister came out.

"I didn't even know we still had this." Claire laughed as she picked up another bat from the box.

"Maybe we should take it back with us." Wanda whispered to you and you bit your lip to contain your smile because yes, yes you should.

Inevitably, your siblings sucked at table tennis. You had suspected as much you just never thought they would be as bad as they were. They missed almost every hit and everytime they did they got increasingly angry, which meant they ended up flaring their arms around like idiots. It was a memory you would be sure to treasure.

"Stupid game" and "probably broken" kept echoing across the table until your siblings finally stormed off to throw a tantrum.

The rest of the day went by quietly. You and Wanda sat by the lake for most of the afternoon to enjoy the sun and heat. You reveled in the most recent memories of your siblings embarrassment and had to keep hushing down to childish whispered whenever one of them was nearby.

Surprisingly, dinner went by peacefully too.

You weren't asked anymore questions at the table. Instead, your family were content with talking about their upcoming plans between stealing glances at you and Wanda that the redhead never failed to notice.

The pair of you slipped off to your room the first moment you got and easily fell into bed besides one another. Wanda picked out a DVD from her bag of an old Sokovian show she used to watch as a child and had you hooked on as well as teaching you the language.

She settled down beside you and within the first few scenes she wrapped an arm around your shoulder so you could sink into her further like she did sometimes when you watched things together. You were barely paying attention to the series after that.

Despite trying to keep your focus on understanding what was happening in scenes of the show, you couldn't help but want to melt under the warmth of your best friend. You hoped it was something you got to experience more, you felt safer than you ever had in Wanda's arms.

Little did you know that having you in her arms was the most comforting feeling Wanda ever experienced and she always tried to do it as little as possible to refrain from falling for you more. It never worked.

*

You had thought waking up in Wanda's arms the morning before had been the best thing to awake to. But that day when you woke up not only were your legs tangled together again but the redhead was slowly stroking your hair while your head rested on her chest.

It was a gradual gesture that maintained a perfect rhythm and made you want to fall back asleep. But you were afraid you would mistake it for a dream later on. No, it was definitely real.

Luckily, your head was already tilted upwards slightly so when you secretly opened your eyes to risk a peek at your friend you saw her staring out the window as though she was in a trance. She was clearly so deep in thought she hadn't noticed you wake up, you had never seen her like it. But the feeling was too good to ignore, too compelling.

Soon enough, you found yourself drifting off back to sleep.

*

When you woke up again Wanda was gone. Her absence left an emptiness you knew wasn't good for you. As the days of your visit went on your fake relationship with Wanda was going to effect you even more when it was over.

Over...you couldn't think about that.

Once you got up and got changed you found Wanda in the kitchen looking at the news on her phone as she sipped her coffee.

"Morning, honey." You grinned. Wanda blushed slightly into her coffee, something you thought was undeniably adorable.

"Morning yourself." She tried to play off smoothly making you grin more.

You made breakfast for you both just as your mum came into the kitchen and greeted you both with an overplayed smile, already talking to Wanda about an upcoming party that she should go to. Wanda mumbled something about a busy schedule as you managed to whisp her away outside with your food.

Eventually, you and Wanda became bored with sitting around in the house when you had such amazing surroundings on your doorstep. You declared that you were going on a walk with the redhead and left before any of your family could invite themselves to go with you. Especially as you had told your friend to wear her swimwear underneath her clothing as you had a surprise for her.

You made a point of holding Wanda's hand as you left and once you were far away from the house went to take it back only for her to hold on tighter.

"You never know where they could be lurking." She joked as an excuse, so you starting swinging your arms playfully as to assure her you wanted your hands to stay linked together too.

You spent hours in those woods and was thankful for having a spy best friend who of course knew to pack the essentials like food and drinks so you could stay away from the house as long as you wanted.

The redhead brought so much you were able to have a small picnic on top of a hill that overlooked the large lake that stretched out all the way back to the house. You remembered thinking up stories as to explain the strange shape and curves to it as a child.

"It's beautiful here." Wanda said as she picked some grapes from the bunch between you.

"It is." You agreed with a fond smile.

"I used to want to live in a place like this." She muttered, sparking your interest.

"In the woods?" You asked curiously and she nodded.

"I thought I could retire to the woods and get a small cabin and I could grow my own food and that was all I needed." You hummed with a smile as you studied Wanda's features.

"Sounds lonely." You thought aloud.

"I'd have a cat." She said simply making you laugh. "I never used to think that but now when it crosses my mind and I picture that life... I picture someone else there with me." You knew she was imagining it as she spoke and you wished you could see exactly what it was she wanted.

"We could always downgrade the holiday house." You half joked as you nodded in the vague direction of the house. "Make it a simple cabin."

"We?" Wanda asked hopefully, the emotion clear before she had a chance to conceal it.

"There's no one I'd rather run away and live in the forest with." You joked although there was a lot of truth to your words. The redhead considered you for a while before smiling and nodded as though she had reached her own internal conclusion.

"Come on." You said suddenly as you stood up and dusted yourself off.

"You want to go back?" Wanda asked and you grinned.

"I'm going to show you that surprise." You declared and packed the remaining food away. Wanda did the same, eager to see the surprise you kept secret the whole way.

It was quite a way back to the house. The whole time Wanda kept asking more questions about it but you wouldn't say. She could only make guesses based on the swim wear which should have left only a few options, non of which she got right.

Finally, you arrived where you wanted to and grinned at Wabda before starting towards the edge. The redhead frowned as she watched you approach the ledge and became worried when she invisioned the steep slope that didn't always lead to water straight down. If you were to fall... your friend didn't have to wait long to see that. You slipped along the edge and disappeared from her view as she gave a startled cry and sprinted towards the edge and knelt over with wide eyes, expecting to see something that could haunt her forever but instead she saw you on a wide ledge but seven feet below her.

To your left was part of the ledge that had been dug into randomly and acted as perfect aid to get back into the woods above.

"Come down here." You beckoned as you starter to take your top off. Wanda's eyes widened more and quickly turned around and dropped down next to you steadily.

She glanced over the side of the small ledge to glance at the fifty foot drop into the water. There was nothing in the way to fall onto but there was no telling how deep that water was.

"You can't go in like that." You laughed as you kicked off your shorts and pushed them to the side.

Wanda's face heated up at the sight of you in your y/f/c bikini as you assessed the view. But even in her flustered state she was able to put it all together.

"You want to jump down there?" She exclaimed making you laugh.

"I've done it tones of times." You assured. "It's fun."

"It's a death wish! What if the waters not deep enough?" She questioned making you laugh more.

"Are you scared, Wan?" You teased as you took a step towards her making her avert her eyes from your form. She scoffed to play it off.

"Of course not." You hummed in faux belief.

"Well then I'll see you down there." You grinned and took a couple of steps back until your feet were no longer on the platform and you were plummeting down towards the water where you landed with a splash.

Wanda held her breath as she waited for you to resurface for a few agonising seconds. When you did with a gasp and started kicking around frantically to keep yourself afloat with your built up adrenaline the redhead sighed in relief and started taking off her own shorts and shirt and placed them next to your things.

You've jumped from higher. She told herself as she rocked on her feet. And you have powers! She argued back before she shoved those thoughts aside and threw herself off the ledge and into the water below. You laughed as she came back up and pushed her hair away from her way. You swam closer to her and saw her wide smile.

"Fuck." Wanda whispered with a laugh as she looked back up from where you had both come.

"Told you it was fun." You teased as you tried not to focus on the low cut on her bikini bra.

"Yeah yeah." She laughed and paused when she looked past you and saw you were surprisingly close to the house. She could see the outline of your family sat outside.

"They're looking." Wanda muttered. You could tell by the look on her face who she was talking about. It wasn't like there was anyone else around either.

"Do you think they've caught on?" You asked nervously as you stared at Wanda's brown eyes to stop you looking at your family.

"Maybe..." She considered and glanced around. "It's not like we've been acting like that much of a couple." You scoffed at that.

"At home everyone assumes we're dating and the one time we need it be believable it isn't." You rolled your eyes but couldn't help the smile.

"I know." Wanda laughed for a second but then paused. "Then let's give them something believable." She gently placed both her hands on your waist and pulled you slowly towards her. You let her guide you and took extra notice of the water droplets across her face. You almost trembled when your bare stomachs pressed together in the water lightly.

Wanda's soft hands left your waist and gripped your thighs to pull you up to wrap your legs around her own waist. You couldn't help but giggle at the gesture as you wrapped your arms around the redhead's neck and held onto her waist with your legs in a lock.

"Can I?" Wanda whispered when she lifted your chin with her finger and her other hand came round the back of your neck.

"Just shut up and kiss me." You demanded with a playful smile and leaned in to do it yourself.

You smiled into the kiss and felt Wanda do the same. It was everything you had ever imagined it to be. Her lips were soft and fell into place perfectly against your own as they moved together. Your mind was hazey and your stomach was doing flips at the realisation that you were actually kissing your long time crush. You forced yourself to remember that it was all a show. That Wanda didn't mean it. But she put on a believable act and kissed passionately, even slipping her tongue through your parter lips to explore your mouth further.

When she eventually pulled away you rested your foreheads together to catch your breath and grinned as you closed your eyes.

"You're a really good kisser." You blurted out making Wanda chuckle.

"Not too bad yourself." She teased.

"I hope not, we're gonna have to do that again." You smiled and instantly realized that sounded like a confession you desperetly wished you could claim. "You know because...Once probably wasn't enough to make it entirely believable." You rambled and Wanda nodded somewhat stiffly and let your legs drop back down. You wanted to say something to her, anything but it was all stuck on the tip of your tongue.

Just as you opened your mouth to speak, a small murmurarion of starlings flew across the lake, some of them skimming the water then gaining height again as they got closer to you and Wanda. You both ducked instinctively as they flew over your heads and off towards the forest again as you watched them in awe until they disappeared. You glanced up at the sky and noticed the sun had gone behind a cloud, ableing you to continue looking up at the other birds higher up.

You kicked your legs up slightly so you could lay on your back and outstretch your arms to keep you afloat in the water so you could stare up at the sky without hurting your neck.

You didn't realise Wanda mimicked you until her hands brushed against yours. She withdrew it as soon as you touched and went to murmmer an apology but you smiled and held onto her hand as you both lay watching the birds.

Neither of you had to say anything. It was a comfortable and peaceful silence that was occasionally filled with birds chirping or the sound of a calm breeze. Of all the things you expected to feel on that trip, relaxed was not one of them.

You stayed like that for a while until you were both snapped out of your daydreams by the distant yell that declared dinner. Well, you had to go back to them eventually.

Both of you took your time swimming back to dry land and only felt a shiver when you left the water and the breeze hit you. Wanda spotted and reached the towels before you and wrapped yours around you tightly. You thanked her with a small blush as you both sauntered up to the house where the mouthwatering smell of a barbecue greeted you. Your dad was leaning over it while shooing your brother away as he tried to offer his 'help'.

You and Wanda went inside to change swiftly and came back outside as the food was being placed on plates and your mum finished setting up the buffet. Everyone starter helping themselves and you piled as much food as you could onto the plate. You parents had asked what food Wanda liked and when you gave them a brief list you added in a few things you knew you both loved.

"You gonna eat all that?" Anna asked as she eyed all the food on your plate. Guilt and insecurities washed over you until Wanda purposefully grabbed a large handful of small sausage rolls and put them on her plate that was piled with a considerable amount more food than your own. You smiled at the reassuring gesture as she sat down with a satisfied grin on her face when she saw Anna close her mouth to stay quiet.

"Thanks." You whispered to her as you sat down.

"If you don't eat all that I will." She declared. You were pretty sure she went back for seconds.

Instead of disappearing back to your room like you did the previous nights, you and Wanda stayed with your family for a while after dinner. It wasn't to do with their company, more the mesmerising fire in the firepit you all sat around. You were cuddled up into Wanda's side with a blanket over both of you as you stared at the flames, smiling at their small flickers and dances.

"So Wanda," one of your sisters began, "are any of the other Avengers...you know." She nodded her head in the direction of you both.

Oh boy you though.

"I don't think it's my place to say." Wanda said because yes, a lot of the Avengers were queer.

"Oh come on, you can tell us." Anna encouraged as she sat forward eagerly.

"I could, but I'm not going to." Wanda continued to defy.

"Lay off it guys." You mumbled but was ignored. Your family took it in turns saying her teammates names in hopes of sparking a reaction, clearly forgetting they were facing someone who had been trained by Natasha Romanoff.

"Stark!" Claire said but was instantly shut down by the others.

"He's married!" Dalton objected.

"Could still be bi though." Claire tried but Dalton just scoffed.

"I suppose there's going to be more surprises."

"What does that mean?" Wanda asked with narrowed eyes, feeling protective of her teammates. Dalton met her gaze with his own challenging one.

"I just never thought one of the Avengers would be a dyke." You felt Wanda stiffen as you all held your breath. There was no way to tell what was going through the redhead's mind, especially as after all those years of friendship you still didn't even know what team she batted for. She was an ally at least, but would she see this as her battle to fight?

Upon getting no reaction, Dalton continued. "It makes sense why you'd hang out with y/n though, we always knew something was wrong with her but-"

"That's enough." Your mum snapped with a guilty expression she failed to mask. You swallowed hard and moved to get up, deciding you had heard enough.

"Then you're idiots." Wanda stated as she glared daggers at your brother while you sunk down.

"I'll have you know I have a doctorate-"

"Your idiots." She repeated. "There's nothing wrong with y/n, which is impressive considering she's grown up around you lot." You looked at your friend in awe as she continued.

"She's the most amazing person I've ever known, including any of the Avengers. She's everything that you're not and I'm lucky to call her my girlfriend. It doesn't matter what any of you think of her, I love her and I always will." She declared as shot daggers at each individual family member who had fallen silent. She took your hand and pulled you up from your seat to take you inside.

You couldn't get her saying she loved you out of your head. You reminded yourself over and over again on the way to your room that it was just an act. That the redhead was making her point. But God, how you wished it was real.

She was so gentle with you as she guided you through the house. When you got to your room and broke down sobbing she held you on the bed for a long time until your cries turned to sniffles. The thing was, you weren't sure what you were crying over. Sure, what Dalton had said had hurt. As did the confirmation that your whole family had always looked down on you. But you had known that was the case for a long time, you had moved on from it.

Instead, you may have being crying over what you didn't know and didn't have. How much of what Wanda said was true? It was all based off of something that wasn't real. What if she saw you the same way your family did?

When you stopped crying you became aware of Wanda gently stroking your hair as she rested her head on yours and held you close to her. You remembered the memories you had accumulated over the past few days with her. The kisses, the hand holding, the nights together, how she stood up for you like no one ever had. You loved her so much.

"I think we should go tomorrow." Wanda mumbled and you nodded into her shoulder.

"I'm not going to leave you though, you know that right? You can stay at mine and we'll watch more of those crappy American movies you like." She mocked lightly making you chuckle against her. "Whatever you want."

"I just want you." You said honestly. You knew you shouldn't have said that, but you were too emotionally drained to care.

"I just want you too, y/n." You pulled away from the redhead to look at her clearly.

"I don't think you know what I mean." You sniffed and she smiled at you fondly.

"I mean what I said earlier, around the fire." Your eyes widened slightly and you held your breath.

"It was all an act though." You whispered and Wanda chuckled as she exhaled sharply.

"No y/n." "I think I am inlove with you." She said as she took ahold of your hand and searched your face for any signs of a reaction to her confession.

"Me?" You questioned, not quite believing it.

"Yes you, idiot." You smiled and sighed in relief, not being able to find the words to express your overflowing happiness and numerous other emotions you couldn't quite pinpoint. You let go of Wanda's hand and brought them both up to cup her cheeks. You had done a lot more handholding than kissing in the previous few days. It needed to be evened out.

You closed the gap between you and kissed Wanda with just as much passion as you had in the lake, except all hesitation and questions were gone. Because you knew she loved you. Oh God she loved you. You grinned into the kiss at the thought and felt her hand fall to your hip while the other caressed the side of your neck in the most gentle manner you had ever seen from her.

When you eventually pulled away you rested your forehead against hers, a smile still playing on both your lips.

"Told you we'd have to do that again." You said and and laughed. "I love you too."

"Well I hoped that wasn't a pity kiss." She joked and you smacked her arm playfully.

"It definetly was not and I'll prove it to you by taking you on a date when we get back." You promised as you sat back to look at her clearly.

"Oh yeah?" She asked with a playful smirk and leaned over so her face was inches away from yours.

"Yeah." You said back.

"Well until then, my real girlfriend should definetly just keep kissing me." She said as she pushed you down gently and kissed you again. You smiled against her gleefully.

"Your girlfriend would love to."

[theowlsarequeer]

So on Twitter especially, there's been a lot of "The Owl House has better queer representation than x," or "x's representation sucks" and here's why that really bothers me in a full essay on tumblr dot com.

Quick disclaimer: This is about queer representation specifically. A lot of popular queer shows have a lot of other issues with different types of representation, or lack thereof, and that can and should be criticized, and many of them include stereotypes or harmful tropes WITH queer rep that also can and should be criticized. This post is about painting queer representation as a black-and-white thing and calling certain shows' representation "bad" without any nuance

First off, what makes queer representation "good" is subjective. The LGBTQ+ community is an amazingly diverse community in both identities and personal taste, and queer representation in media should reflect that with a variety of different stories to choose from. One queer person might like stories where bigotry isn't a huge plot point, while another might want to see their struggles reflected on screen. One might like the show to be about being queer, while another might like a character's queerness to be a side plot at most. Additionally, there are so many different identities and experiences under the queer umbrella that it's unrealistic and impossible to expect a single show, book series, or movie to include them all, and that could very easily result in certain stories being swept under the carpet. Again, this is why a variety of queer shows to choose from is important. There could be a show with amazing, well-written queer characters and storylines, and you as a queer person might just not like it for whatever reason. That's perfectly fine and normal.

Second, I almost never see differences between studios and networks taken into account. Some networks and studios have a long history of loud and public homophobia (cough cough, Disney, cough cough) and queer representation is going to be significantly harder to include without your show paying the price. While The Owl House is facing a significantly shorter run for a variety of reasons, the decision was made towards the end of Season 1, right around the time of Grom and Wing It Like Witches, and especially considering that Disney funded Florida's Don't Say Gay bill, we can assume that queer rep was at least part of it. Considering that before TOH all we had coming from Disney TVA was the cops from Gravity Falls (correct me if I'm wrong) and after TOH got such a positive response from it's online fanbase Amphibia ended up including some queer characters in it's third and final season, we can already see the impact it had. (Which is why it's still important to watch TOH legally if you can-it shows that there's interest in both story-driven shows that skew older AND queer representation! Unfortunately, money is the only way to get through to Disney.)

At Netflix, however, it's a little bit different with a lot of shows because Netflix originals can often come from other studios (Dreamworks, See Saw Films, etc,) and Netflix is their distributor. This can make it a little hard to determine where queer rep is either coming from or being blocked by. For streaming services as a whole, there tends to be more representation, which is partially because of the major switch to streaming happening right now. I also have a feeling that the general theory is that for a kid to watch Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (fantastic show btw) they'd have to either actively search up the show or at least choose it from their recommended or whatever, while if a kid turns on Cartoon Network or Disney or whatever and a show is playing then they basically just watch it, so for streaming services there's more ways for parents to regulate what their kids are actually seeing. (At least from what I've seen, queer representation is more likely to get a show for kids cancelled but is more likely to be either stereotypical or have a plot that relies on bigotry in shows for adults. And I haven't seen a lot in shows for teens, other than Arcane and Heartstopper.) But whichever way you look at it, queer representation, how hard it is to include, and the variety of stories varies from network to network.

Additionally, shows like The Owl House and Heartstopper are from 2020-2022. We as a community have come so far in the last couple decades, and it's simply not realistic to expect a show from 2012, or even a show from 2018, to be on par with a show from 2021. And the success of shows like The Owl House is largely due to the positive response to previous shows' representation. Same concept as rainbow capitalism: companies are starting to realize that there's money to be found from queer representation and that queer stories are profitable. Which, yknow, is not really the mentality that I'd like to be put into telling my communities stories, but it's better than nothing.

Especially with media for kids, even if a character or story is not the best written, the fact that it was there can be monumental. Looking back as a teenager, the scene in House of Hades where Nico is outed is not really the best or healthiest representation and is not how I would write it in 2022, but at age 8, before same sex marriage was even legalized, I could read about a queer character in an easily accessible and age-appropriate book series that I loved, and that was such a huge step in my acceptance journey. There were multiple copies of almost every Rick Riordan book in both my elementary school library and my local public library, my parents and teachers were already comfortable with me reading the book (even to this day, I'm not really supposed to read books that are visibly queer,) and it was a prominent, three-dimensional character in a series that was my whole life for years. Nico, and later Alex, were the representation I didn't even know I needed, and while today a lot of people agree that they were not the best-written queer characters, the fact that they were there changed my life.

For my brothers, shows like The Owl House and Kipo and books like Trials of Apollo are their Heros of Olympus. And even if they don't turn out to be queer themselves, they at least weren't assholes when I came out. Hell, She Ra taught them how to use they/them pronouns (one of my brothers doesn't quite get it but he has a lot of trouble with spelling and grammar bc of a learning disability and he's trying, which is what matters.) And my brothers, who are 12 and 9 years old, cannot remember a time where they couldn't go to Netflix, Disney+, or their school library and read or watch stories about characters like me. Which, guys, I can't get over how far we've come. I'm 14-16 (not revealing exact age for privacy reasons,) and I can easily remember a time where same-sex marriage was illegal in a lot of states and I had never seen any media with queer characters. And I've watched queer representation get better and better over the years, which inspired me to want to create my own stories too. And while we still have a long way to go, I'm so happy with the way things have been changing.

In short, here's a list of things to consider when comparing and contrasting queer media:

When was this piece of media made? How would this have affected the way these characters are written?

What studio, platform, network, or publishing company is this media from? What is this company's stance on the queer community? What was this company's stance when the media was created?

Has this company or author created any queer media since this particular piece? What does that representation look like?

Are the creators of this media queer themselves? (A little off topic, but always something to consider)

Is it actually queerbaiting, or were parts of this character's story cut in production?

Is this queer representation actually bad, or do I just not like it?

Is this queer media actually bad, or is it just for a different age group (if you don't like shows like She Ra or TOH because they're 'too childish'... they are actually for kids. absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying them, but if they're too childish for you then you might be ready for an adult show)

Did the crew or author face any backlash during production? (For a lot of media, this is a 5-second google search.)

Criticizing media is good and healthy and I 1000% support it, but contextualizing the specific book, movie, or show you're talking about is a necessary step that I very often see skipped.

[gmwsuperfan5467890]

Nhie 3x1

-I’m glad Devi is starting to learn not to care about what others think of her.

-Paxton was a great boyfriend! I’m really glad that tv shows nowadays are showing the guy backing off when the girl looks uncomfortable without her having to say anything bc it shows that consent is not just saying yes, it’s being enthusiastic about that yes.

-It was really sweet that Trent was so protective of Paxton. Tho hitting Paxton where the sun don’t shine is not funny. This reminds me of when Trent’s mum thirsted over him in season 1. Newsflash, guys getting sexually harrassed and sexualized is not funny ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE UNDERAGE.

-I don’t really care about Trent and Eleanor dating, I have to be honest.

- I can’t believe that one of the posts on my Nhie season 3 headcannon list came true! Fab and Eve are on the rocks their interactions in this ep once again prove to me that Fabiola deserve much better. Fabiola is over-exhausted to the point where she is constantly falling asleep just to make time to talk to Eve but Eve can just say anytime that is convenient to her? Fuck that shit, I’m fucking pissed. I’m glad that Fabiola realized after unfortunately underperforming in school that she can’t go on like this and that she needs to prioritize herself. I predict that she will get a love interest at the end of the season. Idk if there are any few female characters this season but if there aren’t, maybe she’ll date Aneesa? They could be good together.

-Imo I think Ben is stressed about something and that is why he obsessing over his grades so much, bc when you are stressed over something you can’t control, you try to tighten your grip on what you can control. This is like far-fetched wish but if they approach it from a certain angle, then they could make him have an OCD storyline. Like let’s say after that 100, he gets extra-credit in another class so he’s like, “it was bc I did this in the morning” so he makes it a ritual, then something bad happens and he’s like “it’s because I didn’t tap the door 7 times before leaving the house” and then soon he has all these rituals and gets agitated when someone interrupts him or questions him and he eventually spirals out of control.

- I definitely expected Ben and Aneesa to be together in this ep but I have to say I really hope she doesn’t get hurt in this situation tho I know that she probably will. It has also been confirmed that Ben does not like that Aneesa does not score grades that are as high as his and that she doesn’t really know where she wants to go to college. I think that’s shallow, but unfortunately very unrealistic, I could see some of the smart kids in my old high school doing that. I hope he realizes that type of stuff doesn’t matter and if their relationship ends, it’s because they mutually realize that they aren’t compatible romantically and not because Ben thinks that ‘she’s not smart enough’ for him, ick I would hate it if they went in that direction.

-They’re really trying to make Aneesa look dumb, huh? 84 is a decent grade, especially when you spend hours training. Her grade is only 2 points higher than Trent? So what?? That means that Trent studied and so did she. And maybe school isn’t her thing but at least she’s putting in the effort and she’s doing decent. Academics is not the only indicator of intelligence and I’m sick of tired of people thinking that it is.

- I’m glad Kamala and Prashant broke up and I hope that she will be single for a while. I am intrigued to see Kamala in the hot seat with her family for once, well with Nirmala mainly.

-I am not a huge fan of the ending scene, Devi getting a text insinuating that Paxton is not great is a weird plotline. Like if they wanted to cause problems in the relationship and eventually break them up,it should be because of something Devi or Paxton did or them realizing they are not compatible, not because of a rumour. I am hoping that this is a subversion of some sort.

[shihalyfie]

With Digimon Ghost Game starting, I thought about how different it is from previous Digimon series, though it's still undoubtedly Digimon... and then I realized all Digimon series are like that. So I wonder, what do you think sets each Digimon series apart from the rest?

I think both Ghost Game but also the reboot have been a wake-up call for people in terms of realizing that likes, dislikes, and tastes are subjective, and I think it's especially important in terms of this fanbase that is so obsessed with this idea you can objectively rank things by quality -- especially when each series is often deliberately trying to have its own identity, so it's arguably apples and oranges -- and forcing this idea of what's Good and Not Good on everyone else (especially when there's a nasty double standard phenomenon where Adventure and often Tamers get to be so impervious to criticism that people conveniently forget they're perfectly capable of being scrutinized for a lot of things they're weaker in). Very frustrating to see everyone who likes less popular series treated as if they have to accept that they like a "badly written series" for some things and everything else is a guilty pleasure, which I find to be incredibly dumb.

The most important take-home here is that the fact each series has its own identity is always going to be the main factor in what makes it "good" or not to you, not some arbitrary bar of comparison that's based on some narrow-minded view of "good writing" (which is usually unreasonably based on Adventure). For instance, the reason why 02 is so important to me is because (see below), to me, it has the highest amount of meaningful, important life lessons and themes that it wanted its audience to remember, to the point that I frankly do not care about where the plot goes in comparison. That may not be the case for everyone else, and that's fine, but should my tastes be called unreasonable for that? I think we're also coming to realize that because of Adventure (and kind of 02)'s precedent, so many people have been judging series purely by how intimate their individual character development style is, but this is unfair because Adventure and 02's ridiculous level of character depth to psychological detail is extremely unusual and unrealistic to expect of others; Adventure and 02 only achieved this by practically considering the plot utterly subservient to its character arcs, and it's arguably why they have some of the weakest "plots" in this franchise. It's so bizarre that I can see character development in other Digimon series that outstrips even most kids' anime on the market, but it's not as much as Adventure's so apparently it's bad. And, moreover, as it turns out, some people have priorities other than characterization; just because Adventure had that as its strength doesn't mean that's the only thing anyone should care about. Is the plot fun? Is there a meaningful message besides characters (also important to me)? Do you vibe with the tone being dark, or being silly? How much do you care about resourceful usage of Digimon lore? That kind of thing. Everyone is different, so that's why everyone has their own priorities. If you’re someone who prefers darker content, you may not realize that writing good and well-timed comedy is actually a very, very difficult task, especially when said comedy simultaneously has meaning (in comparison, it’s surprisingly easy to write “dark” but shallow content).

I think it's fair to like every Digimon series for its own thing, depending on your personal tastes. I can't speak for everyone, but my impressions are that it has to do with the following:

Adventure: Significantly easier to understand than 02 due to its more straightforward plot, and focus on individual character development ("individualism" being a strong point here). In terms of characters, it goes a lot into some very real social problems (the divorce around the Ishida and Takaishi families and the pressures surrounding Jou, for instance) in a very realistic manner. Also, it has that sense of mystique and absurdism to the Digital World that's both whimsical but also mysterious, and while 02 has it too, Adventure's the isekai story that has it the most.

02: The first is its focus on the importance of human relationships and the compelling group dynamic unparalleled in this franchise, and the second is its important themes and life lessons that I think are some of the strongest in said franchise. I have a whole tag for the ridiculous amount of nuance packed into every detail and dialogue line for this series, and I think every time I've rewatched an episode I've learned something new about it because there are so many things that clearly wanted to be said in each line. The entire series is basically an unpacking of the feelings of insidious self-hatred and the crushing feeling of being subject to society's expectations, and ones that are so deep-seated that you often don’t even have a single answer to how to unpack it (for instance, Miyako hardly has a tragic single event in her backstory, but she says and does a lot of things that'll be painfully familiar to those who have experienced chronic anxiety). Almost every plot point can be said to connect to each character arc in some way, and the mantras for appreciating and treasuring your own life and living life the way you will make this, in my opinion, the strongest series in terms of speaking to those who struggle with this kind of existential crisis for reasons of depression or otherwise. (Oops, I think I went too passionate about this; my biases are obvious...)

Tamers: I think it forms an interesting study and unpacking of the kinds of things you take for granted in Digimon or the monster-collecting genre in general, and an examination of how they'd work in a real-world context (although 02 had a focus on daily life, it didn't quite merge the Digimon and the real world factors until very late in the series). Also, probably the second highest on "hard sci-fi" (the only one that outstrips it is probably Appmon, but Appmon has a very different, more simplified take on it).

Frontier: A series that lies somewhere between Adventure's scale of individualism and 02's scale of group dynamic, and one more discussing the feeling of having your heart hardened from being an outcast, and what it takes to accept the idea of opening yourself up to others again. Recommended for those who like transforming hero and magical girl stories, too. From the Digimon perspective, also the one with the most detailed and consistent Digital World mythos.

Savers: I think this is the series that most drives home "life is complicated" (i.e. there isn't a single mastermind behind everything) in the most tasteful manner, because while it drives home the point that you can't just simplify everything into a good side and a bad side, some bad things really are evil (hi, Kurata), and it doesn't change the fact that everyone's responsible for cleaning up the fallout. The portrayal of the evils of government bureaucracy is probably the most realistic out of any of these series.

Xros Wars: For those who like fun, most of all! For those who like seeing Digimon finally get more of the spotlight and individuality since so much of it had been geared and biased towards the humans prior to this. For those who really like worldbuilding, and, after all, this is called Xros Wars, so it's interesting to see shakeups on the usual formulas in the form of the different factions and their priorities. Hunters is very different in tone, but I do think they have some of these aspects in common; that said, it being closer to having single partnerships brings it a bit closer in line to conventional Digimon partnerships, and it also has more of a picture of daily life. Also, as much as Tagiru is probably your-mileage-may-vary since he's not exactly a very nice kid (I get it if you don't vibe with that), which may also rub those hoping for not nice kids to become nice the wrong way, I do have to say I find him to be one of the funniest characters in this entire franchise, and you'd be surprised how hard good comedy is to write.

Appmon: Probably one of the strongest theme narratives besides 02, since it has a very clear and obvious theme about the importance of kindness in a world where technology is dominating and we're almost encouraged to strip the feelings out of everything. (Bonus for more straightforward plot than Adventure or 02 while still retaining a lot of its elements in terms of how to characterize them.) Also the first series to be speculative about the near future instead of taking place around the time it airs, and it's very obvious it wants to provide important and necessary commentary about what we need to do in the incoming era, especially as a lot of what it has to say becomes increasingly relevant.

Reboot: For those who like Digimon mythos and null canon -- this is probably the only series to show it off in this level of detail -- and the kind of cool action fights that would usually be saved for the climax in prior series (and animated in much more intimate detail with battle choreography than prior series would have). There are a lot of people into this franchise who felt like it genuinely was not making enough use of its Digimon roster and its potential because it kept going back to the old standbys (especially Adventure-based ones), so it was a huge relief for that crowd to see attention finally being paid.

[a-crimson-lion]

The Past Is Present (In All The Wrong Ways…)

So I saw that @elflynns-horde-of-stuff wanted to talk about BNHA 319, and I was going to send her and ask, but then I let my thoughts go on too long, so… everyone gets this gigantic brain dump. Enjoy :D

[Fair warning: no immediate Bakubashing, but it does come in later. I’m not joking, if you don’t like that, AVOID it. Please. Thank you.]

Now there’s a LOT to unpack with this chapter, and I might not be able to put all of it in words, so let me try and boil it down to what I believe is the core issue:

People are recognizing Midoriya’s bulls*** without recognizing Bakugo’s bulls***.

[TL;DR at the very end, just so you know.]

Which, let me be clear, is completely fair. I like Midoriya as a character, he’s obviously one of my favorites, but hoo BOY am I sick and tired of the s*** he has to go through and the s*** he’s pulling! I understand he’s going through a lot of stress right now and he doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt, but from a completely professional standpoint, that is LITERALLY THE JOB. His other friends are literally HEROES (in training) that have also been through their fair share of UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONAL BULLS*** BECAUSE OF SHONEN LOGIC, so realistically trying to protect them, while noble, does kinda come off as insulting. And I get the whole savior complex thing, because the whole “its my responsibility, let me handle it” isn’t entirely irrational on its own.

The previous holders of OFA more or less signed up for the responsibility.

Nana Shimura signed up for the responsibility, not her family.

Toshinori Yagi signed up for the responsibility, not his friends and (found) family.

Izuku Midoriya signed up for the responsibility, not his mom, not his friends.

...except AFO isn’t just targeting OFA, though that is a big priority on his to-do list.

Except AFO, as a villain, isn’t just OFA’s responsibility.

Except even if innocent people can’t and shouldn’t be brought in the crossfire, Midoriya’s friends aren’t civilians. A good bulk of Midoriya’s allies aren’t civilians. They’re heroes. They signed up for this. Maybe not taking on an ancient evil like AFO, but hey, most villains nowadays AREN’T a part of the standard deal.

The thing about a savior complex is that you often have a blindside.

And from a more personal perspective, I’m not a big fan of the whole “protagonist repeats history” kinda deal, especially with the way BNHA framed itself as a sort of “next-gen” shonen which was supposed to be kinda sorta different. And the thing is, we already have several examples of the same story with the previous OFA holders, especially Nana and Toshinori, which we’ve seen in glimpses on several occasions.

Internally, it does make sense for Midoriya to be repeating the mistakes of his predecessors. Personally, I think it would make more sense if Midoriya’s inferiority complex manifested in a different way (and maybe show us the dangers of that heroic isolation through Nana and Toshinori in more fleshed out flashbacks so that part doesn’t get completely left out). But that’s not what we’re talking about here.

Now, with all my grievances of Midoriya settled… Bakugo.

Before I go to deep into AntiBaku mode, let me just say right now: I kinda get what he was going for.

He’s not being an arrogant loudmouth like usual because he’s letting his ego talk; he’s doing it because that’s what’s familiar to him AND to Midoriya. Midoriya is used to Bakugo when he acts like that, he hasn’t shown any serious signs of not being receptive to Bakugo when he’s like that (at least not recently), so Bakugo uses that in the hopes that maybe that familiarity will get Midoriya to stop and think. It’s worked before, right?

And in all fairness, maybe those insults are trying to get to Midoriya, too. He’s not thinking of OFA as some grand blessing, he’s not trying to be another All Might (the manga went as far to show us how much Izuku does NOT look like a traditional hero right now), so maybe Midoriya will stop and try to reason with his friends, and maybe come to reason with himself as well.

...or he’ll think Baku is full of s*** trying to set him off and just keep moving along, both out of annoyance and thinking Bakugo doesn’t really understand.

(This is where trying to understand Bakugo ends by the way.)

Because all of the above is assuming that Bakugo is approaching normal circumstances. Which he’s not.

Midoriya is tired, both mentally and physically. Midoriya has a very, VERY bad person trying to cut him off from everything, and everyone, and it’s working. Midoriya is under the impression that if he doesn’t keep moving, if he doesn’t try to fix this mess that HE signed up for, people that don’t deserve to get hurt are going to get hurt.

All Might is one of those people. His friends and classmates are some of those people. BAKUGO is one of those people.

And right now, all Bakugo is doing is getting in close proximity, doing what he usually does. He’s not changing his approach to throw Midoriya off, because he’s not that kinda person. He’s trying to talk Izuku down because that is his usual approach, and it’s worked before. Even if Midoriya ultimately contradicted his words, he’s always at least acknowledged Bakugo and what he’s had to say. So Bakugo’s trying to get him to realize how it looks from his perspective: Midoriya is getting a big head, he’s not ready for this responsibility, he’s not supposed to be this way.

...but that’s not what Midoriya’s hearing.

Right now, if I had to guess, the only thing Midoriya is processing right now is that he’s not enough. All Bakugo’s taunts are doing is inflaming his inferiority complex, reminding him that he’s not doing enough. He’s not a “Majesty… successor of One For All” because he’s NOT focusing on the clout, and from Midoriya’s perspective, he’s been doing a s*** job of helping people after the Nagant fiasco and with tracking down AFO and Shigaraki in general. He’s not an “All Might wannabe” because All Might can’t help right now, and even if he could, he’d be doing a lot better in Izuku’s eyes, because even if Toshinori Yagi was human, painfully so, All Might was always, ALWAYS, the #1 Hero for a reason.

...and how can Midoriya live up to that? What has he done to live up to that, to live up to ANYTHING, really?

Midoriya isn’t focusing on how much he’s done. He’s focusing on how much he hasn’t done.

“I can still move…” ...becuase I haven’t moved enough. Because I haven’t done enough.

With that said, time to switch topics: Bakugo’s understanding of the situation, while more extensive than anyone else, is also limited in its own right. I have problems with him claiming he knows All Might and Midoriya better than anyone else because of the sequence of events leading up to that are, realistically speaking (shocking, I know), completely contrived (aftermath of the Battle Trial, DvK2, subsequent invitation to secret OFA meetings). But that’s also because really, there’s a lack of complete awareness on Bakugo’s part, which isn’t expected, but still important.

Neither Bakugo nor Midoriya (nor the readers/viewers, really) know the full extent of All Might’s history as Toshinori Yagi. Midoriya probably knows a lot more of it than Bakugo does from a purely personal perspective, but that’s still not much, so Bakugo’s claim of knowing All Might is kinda :/ Then what about Izuku? Well…

Bakugo is willing to acknowledge that he bullied Midoriya. Bakugo is willing to acknowledge that Midoriya’s sense of self-worth is non-existent. But has Bakugo ever really acknowledged the impact he personally had on the latter?

Bakugo has been willing to see that the way he treated Midoriya was unjust, I won’t deny that. But as of now, we have yet to see Bakugo properly, explicitly realize that HE is the major contributor to Midoriya’s lack of self-worth. As far as Bakugo’s concerned, this is just another thing that Midoriya’s been doing since he was a kid. Except the fact that it’s not. Midoriya’s selflessness was always there.

...his lack of self-preservation came later.

And that’s the crux of the issue, really (finally, no more babbling): Bakugo is trying to tell Midoriya that he isn’t enough, but Midoriya is used to that. He grew up with it, heard it on repeat, internalized it. Not just from Bakugo, even if he was at some point a major contributor. And that’s Midoriya’s driving force: he’s not enough, he needs to do more, he can’t stop. There’s logic in Bakugo’s approach, but first off, it’s f***ing stupid logic, and second, logic doesn’t translate well to emotion. Even if Bakugo is doing what he’s doing with Izuku’s well-being in mind, he’s completely missing the point and kinda coming off as a dick, both externally and from a meta standpoint.

Izuku Midoriya doesn’t need Katsuki Bakugo trying to talk him down. He’s used to that.

Izuku Midoriya needs someone to tell him he’s done enough, plain and simple. No backhanded compliments, no workaround taunts. He needs someone like All Might- no, someone like Toshinori Yagi. He needs someone who is willing to tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he is enough, that he’s done enough.

More than enough people have already acknowledged Katsuki Bakugo.

Not enough people have truly acknowledged Izuku Midoriya.

TL;DR: Midoriya needs help, but the way Bakugo is going about it could actually backfire and feels shortsighted.

-Crimson Lion (9 July 2021)

[syubub]

What makes BTS most vulnerable

Woo! A reading! I wanted to do this bc its been on my list for a little while now!

I just got off work and wanted to do this asap! Pls forgive mistakes! I'm not gonna proof read bc im lazy.

Cheeky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!!

So so so so

First off, I did each member and also one for the group! I didn't have a specific plan in mind when I started, so I just went with the flow!

Let's start with the group first

So. The 5 of pentacles is what makes them most vulnerable. This card talks about isolation, feeling lost, anxiety, not having money or influence. Most of all, a mindset of lack.

All of this to me makes me think that what makes them most vulnerable is the fear of being right back where they started. Feeling exiled from the industry, not having the funds to be sure of a stable future and also not having a strong sense of identity as a group and within the group. It's like their vulnerability comes from something almost like ptsd? Let me try to make that make more sense. I genuinely think that where they started and the uncertainty and constant ridicule really had an impact on them. The vulnerability they have as a group is essentially emotional distress? Like, I wish I had better words to explain. It's the fear that they haven't actually grown or gotten anywhere and that they are insignificant that is their vulnerability. Fear based on where they started?

I really hope that made sense. Moving on though, 7 of swords is how it manifests for them. This card is sneaky. It talks about getting away with something and betrayal but I think this meaning is the most relevant: strategic moves. So how their vulnerability manifests is that the fear that they have causes them (and the company) to make very specific moves to keep their fears from happening. It's like, they take steps to make sure their fears don't get realized. Career wise but also personally. They can sometimes force growth because they fear stagnation. Kinda like rolling something uphill? Once it loses momentum it starts rolling back down.

The other two cards, Wellness and busy times and multitasking, are what they can do to lessen that vulnerability. Keeping healthy in mind body and spirit (also keeping the group bond healthy too) as well as channeling their emotions and fears into productivity. (Think the ly:tear album)

Seokjin

This is really intresting. So, what makes him most vulnerable is repressed emotion that causes inner turmoil. The moon is all about your insides and the vastness it has. In its reverse it talks about the darker parts of your subconscious. So, him bottling shit up and repressing it becomes a monster that affects him without him even necessarily knowing.

As for how that manifest in his life, it literally affects his judgment. Like, literally. It messes with his decision making.

As a fellow human with a similar problem, I can almost bet that any issue he has with another member will be shoved away and it will fester until he's at his breaking point and he'll absolutely weaponize it but disguise it as "just poking fun" or he might also purposefully create low level chaos. It's really intresting because this could manifest in so many ways. It could be his insecurities, issues with other people, fears ect and they fester in his brain space fucking with his judgment.

What he can do to lessen this vulnerability is deep emotional healing. Istg these cards are too perfect to make up. He needs to do THE WORK and heal it. He probably recognizes this and is working on it. Its not fair to himself to put himself aside in order to put other people first. (I think this probably happened a lot in the early bts days bc he had to be an older brother and a responsible figure to 6 other kids so he prioritized group harmony over his own issues and emotions)

Yoongi

????

Um, okay. So what makes yoongi most vulnerable is the dark side of wealth. That's the 10 of pentacles rev. But it gets interesting bc the 10 of swords isn't what makes him vulnerable but it also isn't how it manifests?? So here's my theory time. What makes him most vulnerable is the dark side of wealth. I can only assume that it's the isolation and internal conflict of benefiting off of a system that fucked you over in the first half of your life and also feeling bad for having wealth that most people can never imagine? I really don't know? But with the 10 of swords talking about betrayal and deep wounds, it could be that he's extremely afraid of being taken advantage of? Like, that's another downside of wealth. Maybe people have tried to use him for money or influence? Especially in his personal life. Like, he probably finds it extremely hard to get close to people because he's afraid of betrayal over something that is already hard for him to deal with?

Also loss. He wasn't born rich. He worked his ass off to get what he has and he's probably afraid to lose it. He might "stash" money?

Anyway, knight of swords, how it manifests. This card is about a drive to succeed. So essentially this makes him run and push himself hard and harder and harder to out run what he sees as an inevitable end? Sometimes this can blind him.

As for what he can do to lessen this vulnerability, we have, self confidence through God confidence. This card to me talks about having faith in your actions and skills and trusting in yourself even if you doubt your ability. Essentially, yoongi just needs to trust in himself to land on his feet no matter what happens. Life is always uncertain so he needs to trust that he can weather any storm he might face.

Hoseok

This was one gave me some thoughts. So, similar to jin, it's the bottling shit up and having you subconscious mind eventually figure shit out because it's been neglected but with the 2 of swords in reverse, talking about confusion and being indecisive, I think this kinda causes him to shut down? He might get apathetic. It's almost like when you work a computer so hard that it crashes.

And how this manifests for him with the 3 of pentacles in reverse is that he gets thrown out of alignment with the group. Kinda like how you shouldn't drive on a flat tire. He withdraws and becomes hard to reach and puts up a wall that causes a lot of problems for him as well as those he is around. It's a defense mechanism. It can also manifest in him preferring to work alone as well instead of group settings.

This exposes him to depression and doubt.

Also similar to jin, for how to lessen this vulnerability we have Bless your heart with talks about reaching out (breaking down that wall) and healing your heart and healing the root issue.

Namjoon

Okay. This is the one that makes so much sense but also confuses me.

So. What makes him most vulnerable is the magician rev and 10 of cups. Unrealized potential and poor planning as well as love, harmony and alignment.

So.... what? How does love and the happiest happiness make him vulnerable?

Well, I think he's suspicious of it. I think that he can't help but wonder in his big big big brain if THIS is the right happy or if its really happiness at all? Almost like commitment issues but also not? It's like, he's afraid that it won't last? He might have trouble fully allowing himself happiness. Also, what makes him the most vulnerable is love. It opens up every bit of his soul and puts it on a laundry line for everyone to see and I don't think he thinks he's worthy enough to be seen like that?

As for how it manifests in his life, 9 of cups, personal fulfillment and a strive to have everything else in hislife sorted out? Essentially wanting to have a perfect foundation so eventually he can share with all the important people in his life.

As for what he can do. Value your self worth. pretty straight up. He needs to value himself more. He deserve love and he deserves to feel seen even if it's uncomfortable at first.

Jimin

Oki. What makes jimin most vulnerable is choice. The 7 of cups talks about focusing on what's best for you and making choices based not on illusion. I think jimin is plagued by unrealistic expectations and confronting the fact that it's not possible is what makes him most vulnerable. He makes choices that are driven by illusion. Usually about self. I think specifically about how he doesn't always see how good he already is so he pushes himself to chase after something that isn't always right for him or even there in the first place. Acknowledging and facing it brings vulnerability that he doesn't always want to face. I think he might equate vulnerability to powerlessness.

How it manifests. 9 of wands rev. Paranoia and being defensive. It's his own fear and insecurities manifesting outside of himself.

As for what he can do, passion and purpose and multifaceted. Focus on what is close to his heart and don't get side tracked. Theres so much more to this situation and there isn't an easy fix. There's a lot of things that need working on in order for him to feel comfortable.

Taehyung

Oki oki oki. What makes Tae most vulnerable is strength rev. Raw emotion. He doesn't always express his emotions and when he chooses to be more open, his emotions go through a bit of a filter. Showing his unfiltered emotions makes him most vulnerable because it's him as he is. In his truest form. It's all of his wants, joys, fears. Everything.

As for how it manifests, 10 of wands and Hanged man, it becomes a burden that he carries because he feels like he can't just be honest. He pauses and allows himself time to feel on his own but that means possibly being misunderstood and a bit isolated.

Now. What can he do to lessen it? Bless your heart and healthy communication in relationships. TALKING TO PEOPLE AND ALLOWING HIMSELF THAT VULNERABILITY. It's not bad to be vulnerable. Heal that shit bb bc you are worth it.

Jungkook

So, what makes him most vulnerable? The world in rev. Not having closure and seeking it. The process of seeking closure for himself about things that could have or putting to rest something that has come full circle. It brings vulnerability because he has to face things that he could have done better. He has to face things coming to a close and be okay with is.

How it manifests, the tower, ace of cups, 5 of cups reversed.

The tower is essentially everything crumbling down. I think jk thinks too much? If you follow a ball of yarn all the way to the end then you just unraveled a whole ass ball of yarn.

Him going to close those things cause him to unravel his foundation.

With the ace of cups, creativity and love/ new emotions, I think him taking the time to pursue personal closure helps him to be more open to love as well as giving him creative fuel.

The 5 of cups rev. Means that him doing this closure thing helps him to forgive himself bc he's taking time to move on and tie up loose ends?

For jk this closure thing manifests in every aspect of his like and I almost see it as him shedding? Sounds weird but he's consciously moving on and paying attention to what he needs?

As for what he can do? Deep emotional healing! He runs the risk of feeling more of the tower manifestation so he needs to keep himself emotionally healthy in order for this to be productive instead of destructive!

~~~~~~~

I hope y'all like this! I feel like the cards didn't always follow what I was kinda going for with my questions but it all works out in the end I guess?

My next reading will be up later this week (I've already done it and taken all of my notes. I just have to type it all out) so look foward to that as well!

[sunbeams-and-honey]

Ceres Part 2

Ceres in Aries: They love any physical activity, and often use it as a way to relax. They have a need to be independent and may be prone to self realisations. A lot of them. They need to be physically stimulated often, so they may fidget a lot or naturally snuggle up to people without even knowing that they're doing it. They value sharing experiences with the ones they love above any other type of gift. They find it much easier to show love, rather than to outright say it. They want to help their loved ones to find their independence. They are very protective but hate asking for help. They may have issues surrounding their own self-worth, even though they are the first person to boost the confidence of others. They need to allow themselves to work through their grief, rather than ignoring it.

Ceres in Taurus: Their love language may be touch; they absolutely love to be held and physically comforted by the ones they love. It's vital that their home is a place where they feel safe and loved, and they may like having physical reminders of good experiences in their home, such as having framed photos on the wall. They probably love comfort food, they just need to make sure that this doesn't become a problem. Eating some chocolate when you're sad is all good, but if you're doing it every day, then you should probably look into other ways of comforting yourself. They love to be pampered, even if they try to deny this fact or try to deny themselves this due to self-guilt. Things like massages may seem very appealing to them. They wish to provide financial stability for others, and find comfort through material matters, such as physical gifts. Any issues surrounding their finances will be particularly hard for them due to the comfort money usually gives them. They may be prone to being manipulated and/or manipulating others. It depends on the rest of their chart. They don't like to let go of their grief, which is very unhealthy for their grieving process and wellbeing as a whole.

Ceres in Gemini: They grow when communicating with new people in a positive way, even if they're more introverted than extroverted. It's important for them to be kind or at least civil with more or less everyone they meet. They may find themselves drawn to education, whether that means following higher education, going into the sector as a career, or just constantly having a need to learn new things. Places like libraries or old bookshops may be appealing and comforting to them. They like to talk things through as a form of care for themselves and for others. They may be more comfortable with verbally expressing their love rather than showing it. They love to spend time with the ones they truly love. Their identity may be primarily built of their intellect, so they may have some confidence issues surrounding this. They can't easily deal with rejection. Despite this, they quite literally reject their emotions during times of grief. They need to talk to others in times of hardship.

Ceres in Cancer: They tune into their maternal side and instincts when caring for others, and like to be treated in a similar way. They are very protective of their family and feel like they have a duty to look after them. Remember that this doesn't necessarily mean your biological family. Just like those with Taurus in this placement, it's important that their home is a safe and loving environment. Their home is their special place and should be treated as such. They want to provide this sense of security for their loved ones, and they really do want to care for them. These people often make great parents if they decide to have children. If not, they would at least be quite good with kids. They love to form emotional bonds and connections with others, and this comes very easy to them. However, they might deal with abandonment issues and/or self-esteem issues. They also may have a tendency to cling on to their grief for fear of moving on and forgetting. They need to remember that it's okay to get on with their life; they shouldn't be bound by their grief.

Ceres in Leo: Self-expression and developing their creativity is vital for their self-growth. They have a strong need to be recognised and appreciated and struggle greatly when they feel like they're not loved. Deep down they are a true artist and may be gifted in a certain form of art. Caring for others gives them a huge sense of pride and they might centre their identity around how they do this. They truly want to do their best with their care and are not ones to do this half-heartedly without good reason. They feel loved when they're at the centre of someone else's attention. They thrive on praise from others but they need to learn how to not always rely on this. They need to be able to motivate themselves and this is something they are destined to learn during their lifetime. They are confident in their care but it can lack a sense of empathy. They are good at raising other's confidence, and often do this by recognising the originality of others.

Ceres in Virgo: As most Virgo placements would also imply, anyone with this one probably has some kind of workaholic mentality. They value their work highly and often won't stop until they feel like they're done. They care for other people through discipline, so their way of showing you that they care would be telling you where you're going wrong and why you shouldn't do that. This makes them sound like an overbearing parent or teacher, but they just want to protect you from making bad decisions, and this seems to be the easiest way to do it. They can be harsh when doing this, so they should be told when to rein it in, but they really do care and aren't being mean for the sake of it. They love to help others improve their general skills because they really want them to go far in life. They generally take criticism well because they understand why they're being criticised and know that it will help them in the long run. They love to learn new things, especially in a tactile way. They define themselves based on their achievements, but because of this they can unrealistically high expectations. They go through grief rather quickly, which means that they can overlook what they need to work through. They need to take more time for themselves more often.

Ceres in Libra: These people are highly focused on helping other people, which they often do by expressing their acceptance of their loved ones, and by building a stable relationship with them. They're very good at adapting to the specific needs of specific people, as they understand that everyone is different, and are very observant when it comes to this. It doesn't take them long to work out what a certain person wants/needs. They thrive on communication and stability with a person, and they love to share with them. They also love general intimacy, and this doesn't necessarily mean just sex. They can be selfless to the point of neglecting themselves completely, and this is a hard thing for them to overcome because they base their identity so much through others. They need to learn how to put themselves first and how to separate themselves from other people. Their identity is their own. They are quite open with their emotions so grief isn't as difficult as it could be.

Ceres in Scorpio: People with this placement want to have real connections with the people in their lives. They care for others through any and all kinds of intimacy, and like to be treated in a similar fashion. They don't favour emotional or physical care, tending to combine the two instead. They try to inspire their loved ones to achieve their very best because they think personal transformation is very important. Growth and control are also valued highly with this placement. They prefer to stifle their emotions, so they unknowingly make dealing with grief more difficult for themselves than it could be. They need to learn how to open up more to others.

Ceres in Sagittarius: People with this placement absolutely love to learn and explore, and they need the freedom to do so in order to feel loved. This is how they best grow and thrive. They want to inspire and support the other people in their lives so that they can help them do their best and get through hard times. Their own confidence and optimism helps them greatly with this. They also tend to use their own past experiences and knowledge to help others. They like to build their identity on these things, as well as their beliefs, morals and, to an extent, their loved ones. They have a tendency to avoid grief, preferring to stay strong for other people. That isn't to say that they ignore their grief altogether. They do work through it at some point, it just takes them longer than most.

Ceres in Capricorn: This placement is an indicator that the native holds recognition and achievement in very high esteem. They feel that other people truly care about them when they try to help them achieve their best. Stability is also very important to them and is the main reason why they want to be successful. They're quite big on responsibility and discipline because it's important to them that the people in their lives also achieve success. This focus that they have can mean that they are sometimes too hard on themselves, so they need to understand where to draw the line. They need to learn that their self-worth is not just defined by their achievements in life, and that failure is not necessarily a bad thing. They sometimes feel guilty for dealing with their emotions and grief because they don't think they have the time to work through that side of themselves. They need to learn that this isn't true.

Ceres in Aquarius: These people like to support their loved ones through genuine friendship and by defending them. They loved individuality as a whole and it's vital to them that the people in their life are accepting of one's individuality. They try to make sure that their loved ones feel wanted and respected. They like to be treated in a similar way but they also need a lot of freedom. They need to feel like they're able to breathe. Their role in their community is important to their identity, as well as their connections, originality and creativity. Their politics and what they believe in is also crucial. They may struggle with intimacy and intense emotions because of their tendency to be somewhat of a lone wolf. They're the type of person to have lots of friends but not many close ones. They prefer to detach themselves from their feelings.

Ceres in Pisces: People with this placement are great at understanding and emotionally supporting others. They're selfless to the point of self-sacrifice when it comes to their loved ones, especially to their children. They want to be strong and dependable for others as much as they can. They are sympathetic, compassionate and hugely accepting. They have a large and very alive imagination which needs to be constantly fuelled. They have a tendency to work themselves to the bone so they need to be reminded that they deserve to have a break and be looked after. They sometimes have issues related to their self-worth because they mainly define themselves by how they support others. They constantly feel like they need to be helping someone. Grief can be difficult for them because they feel their emotions so intensely. They are easily overwhelmed by their feelings so they need to learn how to cope in a different way.

[asexualone]

(pls take the time to read)

Signs I should have known I was aro: Disney edition

I think this topic has been stressed a lot already. But here is my take, anyway.

Of course, romantic love had been, is and will always be one of the main themes in kids' movies. Why, I can never fully understand. I'll explain below how I like other themes more.

Some time ago, I did a post on the kiss/hug scenes in Rapunzel which depicts how much more I value acts of showing love that don't include kissing.

Not only those two. I have a history of hating Disney on-screen smooches. As a kid, I thought, "Well, maybe, I don't like seeing these characters kiss because it's a grownup thing."

Could you blame me? When my parents were in the room and a kissing scene appeared on the screen, they changed the channel. So my toddler brain concluded that the reason I didn't like watching kisses was because I wasn't of age to like it. Or something.

At the time, I had no idea that I was hand-picking my favorite movies by the level of romance they had in. Or lack thereof. And I was a very judgemental kid. Let's go through my original thoughts on some Disney classics.

Snow White — No. Just no. She's a child, fourteen. Marrying an older guy she doesn't even know. After he kisses her corpse. NO.

Cinderella — The age difference is a little better, I guess. So is the age of consent. But they only talked one (1) night and he relied on that slipper to find her instead of asking to meet all women and see for himself. Fairytale logic I guess. I didn't like how she called it love immediately and kissed the prince at least once that same night. Or how they got married immediately.

The Sleeping Beauty — Must I even explain? Aurora didn't even know Philip that much, had only met him once (if you exclude the "dreams"). And yet, he's her true love, the only one who can revive her corpse. Ridiculous. And yes, kissing a comatose body, ew. Also, the arranged marriage trope pisses me off, royalty or not. Aurora was engaged as a newborn baby, come on.

Mulan — Cinematic gold. I didn't know it back then, but the fact that romantic love is such a pushed-aside aspect in this movie gives me life. The songs give me life. Especially when the trio dresses as concubines and "Be a Man" plays in the background. An absolute gem, lmao. The sequel however ruined the story somewhat for me, too much lovey-dovey stuff. I like Mulan more when she's fighting than when she's acting all sappy towards Shang, sorry not sorry.

Peter Pan — Loved it, still do. But I did dislike the mermaids, the image of fangirls who are petty towards other girls. And Pan's brief "relationship" with Tiger Lily was nauseating to me. I couldn't explain it but when Pan blushed at her nose-nuzzling thing, I always pulled a face.

The Princess and the Frog — In my opinion, (remember, always my opinion): Tiana, this hard-working girl who doesn't belong to anyone, was lost to love. Well, not lost. But falling for Naveen in the course of three days? Unrealistic and kinda unnecessary. Sweet, but still. I adored the "relationship" between Ray and Evangeline more. Either way, it's a movie that I enjoyed when love wasn't that prominent on screen.

Aladdin — I love this movie because of the Genie. The relationship between Jasmine and Aladdin is meh. She forgot his face and didn't recognize him until later. Their coming together is a lot like that trope "first guy who treats her right sets the expectations and wins her heart". Usually that's a thing, not only in Disney movies but media in general. The female lead settles for the first guy that treats her right because the bar is that low. A good movie, all in all. Love how Jasmine stands up for herself at least. Not a lot of princesses fight against the objectification of women.

Pocahontas — I used to hate this movie. I didn't sit right with me: the racism in it, the manipulation, the murders. And the romance, yes. Pocahontas fell for the strange man who tickled her curiosity in the span of two days. I also hated how her father just sold her to marry Kocoum like that. I know it's tradition. Heck, that's a tradition that still goes on in my country. Maybe that's why I didn't like seeing it on screen. And Pocahontas doesn't even end up with John Smith. The second movie definitely ruined the story. So yes, she's the first princess who fell for a man in three days, TWICE. Needless to say, only the songs kept me from blacklisting the movie entirely.

The Little Mermaid — I actually loved this movie for some reason. I can't explain why, maybe it was my obsession with mermaids. Yeah, that was probably it. But I was pissed when Ariel exchanged her tail for legs. Not to mention human periods and overall, all the bad in the world, for a man she'd only seen once. As I grew up I realized just how f*cked up that story was: Ariel giving her entire lifestyle, family and identity up for a guy she hadn't even spoken to. I don't know why I loved that movie, alright? Hell I still do a little. The sequel too. Say what you want.

Brave — (I know this is technically Pixar, shut up) Much like the paradox with Ariel, I didn't like this movie. I can't explain it. Maybe because Merida wasn't the typical Disney princess I had been used to seeing. Now though, I ADORE that story. No, it's not because Merida knows archery... Okay, yes maybe a little. I love the aro-arrow word play, alright? Anyway, the way Merida fights against being shipped to a husband like the "tradition" I aforementioned asks her to, has always had my heart, even when I didn't like the movie. The focus on the mother-daughter relationship is special, I love it. Stellar movie.

Tangled — One of my favorite Disney movies, my favorite princess. But her relationship with Eugene.... Well. Again, three days. That's all it takes to fall in love. Classic of Disney. Not only that, but Eugene is literally the first man person Raps has ever since, besides Gothel. The bar is nonexistent for her, she would have fallen for anyone. He lied to her and she still... Well, I won't stress that any longer. Their relationship in the end is sweet, one of the few cases where we are actually shown that they would risk their lives to save each other. Respect that. Mostly, I love her magical hair and Pascal. And the guys of Snuggly Duckling.

Moana — EPIC MOVIE. The story, the culture, the character growth, the plot twist, everything! Loved it at first sight, at second and forever. Even more when I became aware that there's no romance in it. I don't think I need to say more.

Frozen — My opinions on this movie have always been changing, accompanied by mixed feelings. So the relationship between sisters was cute, but Lilo and Stitch made that more realistic. Anna's relationship with Hans, ugh. I think that for a long time I used the fact that he was the antagonist to justify my absolute hate for the way Anna "fell" for him in one evening. Again, Anna sweetheart. This is the first man you've met. The bar is nonexistent for you too. God bless Elsa for forbidding her to marry Hans. And while it's cute to think Elsa as a lesbian, she has aromantic vibes. Sorry not sorry, but she's also a God by the end of Frozen 2. Gods are beyond attraction, I said what I said.

Raya and the Last Dragon — Loved it, still do. Say what you will about "dragon Elsa". Sisu is her own character, and I adore her. And yes, I love the lack of romance in the movie. Make no mistake, I shipped Raya and Namaari from the first moment they smiled at each other. I swear on my name that I paused the movie and screamed, GAYYYY, at the top of my lungs. Luckily, I was home alone. If only Disney directors would do the right fcking thing and give me a queer main couple!! I swear I wouldn't mind the lovey-dovey romance one bit.

Of course, I've left dozens of movies out. This post is already way longer than I wanted it to be. But I think that was enough to make a point.

While I'm not romance-repulsed, seeing animated kisses (and unnecessary relationships) on screen makes me uncomfortable. As a child and as a grownup. It just doesn't sit right with me. Not to mention all these princesses who identify with their princes and specifically their relationships with said princes when they're perfect on their. Wreck it Ralph 2 made them a favor, I think, by making them work together and showing their strengths. Another movie I love.

Friendship just makes an overall better theme to apply to kids shows, my opinion. Family, work, self-discovery, mental health, happiness. These are all better themes to portray in media dedicated for children. Which is, again, my opinion.

And yes, Disney has been getting better. They've fixed the age difference and the age of consent. The female characters no longer depend on the male ones, at least not as often. They understand the assignment, alright. There are still many questionable things about Disney's reputation though, things we all choose to overlook for the sake of the good movies. But who knows? They might change. Hopefully soon we'll also have an obviously queer couple in a movie. Hope dies last.

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Guiltrip!

Alright, so this one is a bit more of a serious one for me. But I'll be going in order of the episode so the more serious talk will be a bit further down! First thing we get is this lovely moment:

I've already addressed it in a post, but I'll say it again here. Guiltrip is episode 11, several episodes take place before Guiltrip that we haven't seen yet, so this is awhile after Marinette and Luka broke up. We also know that Marinette has always had feelings for Adrien, even when she was with Luka. Luka always knew that fact too. None of this is new and is to be expected, obviously, when Love Square is endgame. But! I also want to point out here that this is just a soft look. Very gentle, very common. I see people looking at each other both in real life and in other shows all the time. A look that says "I adore you". And I think it's sweet! Very subtle, but enough. Something's wrong with Rose. We never get told (in this episode anyway) what it is, but it's a chronic illness that's a worry in Rose's life, ever since she was young. I feel really bad for Juleka, knowing that her friend's been struggling with an illness, and whenever something happens she has to worry about it alone. Also that really sucks when you try to cheer somebody up and make a joke, that because you were mislead about a situation you end up making things worse. Poor Marinette. :c Adrien when he realizes he's bumped into someone (and the pink bubbles to remind us of Marinette's feelings for him):

Adrien when he realizes just who it was he bumped into!:

Scroll up now and look at how Marinette was looking at Adrien earlier that day. It's the exact same look. Yet, something feels different from usual to me, idk. But continuing on. Marinette gets slightly jumbled with her words, but manages to give herself a kick and says nope not now! Good for her! You can't expect to change overnight, but she's working on it.

She looks to the side, gathering her surroundings for a split second and she misses the top step. I'd like to say that this is just a joke for the show but well, this kind of thing has happened to me a lot because I'm that much of a klutz so I feel for her here. (On Halloween I forgot that there was another step as I was walking down as I wasn't paying attention. I couldn't walk on my foot for 2 weeks. It's a serious problem, guys. Really. xDD) Marinette had told Adrien she's concerned it was something she said that upset Juleka and Adrien tells her while sometimes she doesn't make sense, what she says is never mean. This scene reminds me of when Ladybug's worried about something and Chat Noir's there to keep her grounded and remind her of how things really are. I very much appreciate seeing such a scene with Adrienette! Makes the Love Square much more rounded. Also the way he stops her and says let him go talk to her to try to help the situation and any possible misunderstandings from taking place. ;-;

Can I just say... oh my gosh. He went from determined, to hearing Marinette trying to comfort her, to looking with confidence "This girl is amazing." and the whole Ladynoir vibe I'm getting from this scene makes me happy. The thing that's unrealistic about this scene though is you expect to tell me that 8 kids went down those stairs and came up behind them and Marinette, Adrien, and Juleka didn't hear? XD Now here's where the serious comes in. Rose is hospitalized with an illness we don't know about, but has been a long-term thing that has Juleka really worried a lot. That must be so stressful :c I'm going to be honest and say I never really saw Julerose romantically. Like I can see how people do, but to me, I could see that their bond was really unique. It didn't really fit completely in the "BFF" category either. But if felt like there was more to them that I didn't really understand. I think the best example off the top of my head was during Zombizou, when Rose was going to help Chloe after she slid down Chat's stick and she went too fast for him to catch her. Juleka seemed especially worried and concerned for her. Rose never seemed to get concerned about Juleka in the same way Juleka was about Rose. Juleka's always been more protective and worried and it was always one of those things that made me go "hmm, interesting". Now this episode finally explains why and I'm honestly super glad for it. Because this kind of a relationship is not a common one in media, especially kids media. Partially because having such serious illnesses in young people is not particularly common, and having someone who's so caring and protective of that person is even less common. And most people probably don't realize how amazing it is to have health problems and then have someone in their life who acts like Juleka does for Rose. I had a life-threatening illness as a kid, one that still affects me greatly today. When in school, my friends knew about it without me having to say anything unfortunately, and while they didn't usually treat me differently, sometimes they were pretty ignorant and didn't understand why I wasn't "normal" like them. They asked questions that were harder ones to answer, and tended to forget my answers. I got a lot of "I know you have X problem but I still don't see why you can't..." as well as thinking I was lying if I said I wasn't well and couldn't go to a party, and that was hard to deal with, being limited in what you can do which makes you different and being judged for things out of your control. So seeing these kids who only know something's wrong with her, but are willing to do so much to make her life better and happier, not judging her at all, wanting to take care of her no questions asked was really heart-warming for me. I only had one friend during that time that was anything close to this. I never had to explain anything to him if I didn't want to. He never asked me personal questions I didn't want to answer. And he seemed to know what he could do to make things for me easier if I was having a hard time without me ever saying so. And this is another reminder to me that this show is aimed at kids. To show kids that they'll likely encounter someone around their age that's going through something serious like a health problem, and what that kid needs most is kindness and not to be made to feel like they're even more different from the other kids than they already feel. The way they handled that aspect of it for such a short, limited intro to it, I think they did good. I discussed this next bit with a friend. She mentioned it first, the trope where those with chronic or serious illnesses are usually an "inspiration". With this episode, you kind of get the feeling that because Rose's been through so much, she's therefore a really positive and bubbly person and it kind of gives off the vibe that if you don't view things the way she does, then you're not doing it right. "What matters isn't the problem, but how you handle it." While I agree with this, and that when you come out of or regularly deal with

such hard times, automatically trying to see the world better and brighter can easily happen, but it's not exactly realistic either, at least not to the extent Rose and other people the media has portrayed. For one, I think you have to have always been more of that kind of person from the start to realistically be so positive. As my friend said and I agree, positivity is just who Rose is, she's not who she is just for the sake of a trope. But honestly, when you've gone through something so difficult, and if life continues to throw you more difficulties on top of it, being positive so much can sometimes turn into a negative and be harmful too. When you've been through a lot, it's important to allow yourself to feel the negative too because it's part of dealing with such problems. And if you've been through a lot in life and you haven't come out of it being all sunshine and rainbows, always looking on the brighter side of things, that's perfectly okay. Life's hard and tends not to work out how we'd like, or even for the better sometimes. If being positive and hopeful after struggling is hard to do, you're not bad or wrong for feeling that way, everybody handles things differently. c: ANYWAY, moving on to the rest of the episode! Juleka being all irritated and worried that the class was going to expose her spilling Rose's secret xD While the situation isn't ideal, it's nice that this is the most involved she's seemed with everyone in the entire duration of the show. But Rose knows something's up, and I love that she talks to her about it and realizes that she should've told everyone herself instead of Juleka being the only one who knew. Which has been such a burden on her. (Oh no, what if this is a reflection of Alya knowing Marinette's Ladybug later on? I'm hoping not.) Ugh these children and how much they care about Rose! These kids are the absolute best. But then they kind of ruin it a little with going overboard. Which, frankly, I think is just ignorance of her situation really. I mean, we don't know what exactly is wrong with Rose. Just that she ends up in the hospital. If they knew about her condition, what causes her to get sick, what to look out for, etc, they'd be much more informed and much less likely to be frantic whenever something's not perfectly "normal" with her. All of these kids are going to be overprotective parents someday, aren't they?

Okay so like... are Adrien and Marinette going to question at all how Ladybug and Chat Noir showed up immediately after Juleka was akumatized, and no damage had happened outside of the school for it to be known to the public? Literally the only ones that could've possibly known were the class to have shown up that fast. ??? I am confusion. "I can't help my best friend face his father." "No, Nino..." Two things: The fact that THIS is what he's feeling guilty about? My poor Nino! Dx I just love him, he really doesn't get enough love and appreciation imo. Also, um, isn't Ladybug like right by Chat? Didn't she hear that? What? Idk but I feel like we're really missing something here. Usually we get things that are kind of hints, that make us wonder if they know right, but this? This is a bit too blaring-in-your-face, and there's two major things so close together. Really strange. Chat about to use Cataclysm on himself. Good grief that was not expected. Chat Blanc threatened to destroy himself along with everything else. Now Chat Noir while affected with negative emotions from an akuma almost Cataclysmed himself. This show really is getting deep and dark isn't it. o.o Also is there something Adrien needs to work out with someone...? Daizzi and Rose saying the other's so cute, ugh they're both so cute! And Pigella's costume and transformation is so adorable omg. Okay so Pigella's power allows people to see their biggest wish, the thing that'd make them the most happy and feel positive emotions. I know some people probably think "That's it?" Considering that Shadow Moth preys on people's negative emotions, such a power is actually extremely useful facing Shadow Moth. (And let's not forget, that while that's her power, she has the ability to fight and make a difference just from being transformed too) BUT AWWW Juleka's wish! And her face when Pigella said it aloud. ;-; Am I the only one wondering if Pigella may someday use her power on Shadow Moth and that's how they learn his motive? I'm so impressed with how Rose knew how to handle everything. She knew she can't slip up with Juleka. She knew to sneak away to detransform and come back as Rose. She knew to subtly give the Miraculous back so nobody would ever know she had it. Even Chat Noir had no idea! I don't know why, I'm just so very proud of that. "She doesn't need a Miraculous to be a superhero." She really has the characteristics of one, and I can't wait to see more of Pigella. Also I'm really wondering. This scene here:

All the kids that are part of that friend group are there...except Marinette and Adrien, of course. Alya knows why Marinette isn't there. But is she wondering about why Adrien isn't there too? LOL Marinette being like "I'm taking your pillow back, sorry! Gotta wait for it like everyone else." and the boys being like LE GASP. Marinette's right, she's not fragile! The fact Rose jokes with her and makes everyone laugh, and Chloe saying "Hey, why doesn't everyone laugh when I say something like that?!" Adrien: Because in your case, it's never a joke. Chloe: Hm, that's true. Which is super funny, especially how he just so casually says it. But also it really shows again how Chloe wants to be liked. She wishes the kids would laugh when she makes comments, but it's because they're said in a serious/obnoxious way, instead of making light of something like in Rose's case here, that they don't. I know she talked about it with Ladybug in an episode, but it again shows that that's what she'd like. All that needs to happen is someone helping her get there. Maybe Zoe and Luka will somehow help with that later on. Anyway, this was a really great episode! I feel like some things might not make quite as much sense as they should if we got it in order, but what can you do when Gloob has to air them? Even a friend of mine who's been doing what she can to avoid spoilers, still got spoiled. She's having to delete tumblr to avoid future spoilers because people can't help themselves and tag things properly. So thanks Gloob. :P All we wanted was the episodes in order. We've waited this long for S4, we can wait a bit longer. But they gotta make money I guess. I'm glad other countries are trying their best to keep it in order anyway. c: Guiltrip also has some really great Adrienette moments, and covered a more serious topic which was really interesting and shows how much the show's changing. Especially with some of the choice of camera angles and movements! Like the zoom-in on the door with Adrien and Marinette, the boys LE GASP scene. Very cool artistic choices! Looking forward to the episodes that come before this one to try to help fill in some of the gaps! And apologies to those that frequently read these posts from me, I started writing it up late and couldn't finish so you get it the day after instead. xD

[chroma-ki]

What Happens When Society Fails Those Who Could Succeed - A Bakugo Katsuki Analysis

I started this a while ago, but I’ve seen others delve into this topic and I wanted to share as well. This delves into to hero society’s affects on Bakugo Katsuki’s upbringing, his worldview, his self-view, and Izuku’s involvement in breaking down the ideas society has drilled into his head. 

A lot of people like to ignore the fact that Katsuki is a 14-year-old kid at the start of the series and that much of his life, attitude and disposition of the world have been completely shaped by the adults and society around him. 

What do you expect a kid with potential to turn into when they are warped in such a way by a society that dictates that they need to be strong, or nothing at all? What about when your only value is based around a sliding scale of strength and weakness? What happens when that kid’s only source of help comes in the form of a reckless, selfless child who defies all sense of logic and reason (Izuku)?

Growing up, Bakugo was constantly praised for being strong, having a powerful quirk and being generally the smartest person in the room at any given time. He could arguably be considered a prodigy, and much of what he sees and learns feels beneath him -- because it's already on his mind. He is a kid with natural god-given talent that everyone around him immediately recognizes as above average. 

Even as a toddler, he was constantly a step ahead of everyone else. Due to this, people developed a lot of high expectations for him at a young age -- and it doesn't help that he has a naturally competitive streak that makes him constantly want to prove himself and live up to these expectations; even surpass them.

Always being at the top of his class and being ahead of the curve mentally fuel the idea in Katsuki's mind that, in the game of life, he is 'winning'. Yet, at the same time, none of it is ever enough. Other's high expectations of him cause him to build extremely high expectations of himself; expectations that border on unrealistic. They also inflate his ego exponentially when this praise gets reaffirmed time and time again.

Certainly, in a situation where you're raised on other people's praise and validation, it is completely understandable that you would put a lot of emotional emphasis on other people's opinions of you. On top of that, he gives off such a natural and convincing air of confidence that people can't help but feel that he is reliable, despite his attitude. People are awed by him, and all of it feeds into the mental image he has constructed of himself, and the world as a whole. It's the whole reason for a lot of how he acts. He builds an image of himself based on the praise of those around him -- and even Izuku also feeds into this mentality by worshipping the literal ground Katsuki walks on as a kid.

This mentality seems to be working fine for him until Izuku's very presence starts to throw a wrench into everything Katsuki has been raised to believe. 

Izuku completely defies logic to Katsuki. Izuku does not fit the societal norm and, beyond what others have taught him, Izuku is Katsuki’s only real hint that the world might not be quite what he thinks it is, and that his idea of what it means to be strong may not be a ‘one-size fits all’ defenition.

Izuku is a quirkless kid; weak and generally mild-mannered. He doesn't have any self-confidence and is a big crybaby. Yet, Izuku still believes that he can be strong and become a hero -- when Katsuki has always been told the opposite. Katsuki recognizes that this may be some version of strength he is unaware of, and it raises BIG RED FLAGS in his mind.

Where many of Katsuki's other childhood friends were barely more than acquaintances who he forgot over time, Izuku immediately caught Katsuki's interest and spiked his curiosity. Like everyone else in his life, Izuku praised Katsuki and told him all the things he wanted to hear -- but Izuku was also unique and intelligent. Izuku was the first person who actually seemed like they could stand near Katsuki's level; like they might be actual competition. 

Then, Bakugo got his quirk and Izuku is diagnosed as quirkless. The reactions of everyone around him to this news, including Izuku’s own reaction, only go back to telling him what society has told him all along. Strength is everything, and quirks are a part of that desired strength. This is another moment that reaffirms Katsuki's world view. "I won, you lose. I really am the best."

Though Bakugo is super aggressive on the outside, he is a very self-critical character and often means the opposite of whatever he is saying. Especially when it comes to his self-confidence and bravado. 

People often complain when watching the series about him telling people to 'die' and "got to hell", or calling other people "extras", and I don't think enough people understand -- that is just how he speaks. Those are things he says out of reflexive anger. None of those words ever have any real meaning. 

It's more important to pay more attention to the moments in which he is more reserved/quiet. He suffers from both a superiority complex and inferiority complex, as well as paranoia (much of which revolves around his warped idea of how Deku, and other people he values, perceive him). Much of what he says is just empty words or him trying to project an image of self-confidence.

He wears his pride like a suit of armor to hide all the things he doesn't want to admit about himself. He attempts to make up for his own insecurities by getting angry. And he learned this at home from his mother, who is much the same as him.

From the little that we have seen of his parents throughout the series so far, his parents love him and provide him with everything he could possibly need -- but his mother often insults him and throws harsh truths in his face to counteract his cocky nature. One of the most notable instances of this is when All Might and Aizawa are talking to his parents about moving the kids to the dorms and his mom says "If you hadn't have gotten yourself caught by the villains in the first place, none of this would have happened".

That comment feeds directly into his mental breakdown in front of Izuku where he blames himself for All Might's downfall, flat out saying that "If I hadn't been kidnapped by villains, then it never would have happened".

It gets me every time if you go back to the 8th episode of the series, near the VERY BEGINNING -- right after he's defeated by Deku for the first time in combat training -- and the episode literally starts with him having a full on panic attack. 

He's trembling, hands shaking, hyperventilating, the whole deal. And that particular incident was triggered not only by Deku defeating him and standing up to him (which completely contradicts the Izuku that Bakugo has grown up with all his life and feeds into Bakugo's own fear that he is weak), but is also brought on by the fact that he notices how severely Deku allowed himself to be injured JUST TO WIN THE EXCERSIZE. Again, this idea that even the weak can be strong. It also doesn’t help that he cares about Izuku and doesn’t want to see him get hurt.

And I'm sorry -- but below does not look like the face of someone who's pissed off to me. He looks PETRIFIED.

Izuku doesn't just piss Bakugo off -- Izuku TERRIFIES him.

There are actually multiple instances of him reacting like this to Izuku injuring himself throughout the series: sludge villain, sports festival fight against Todoroki and the training camp where Bakugo was kidnapped being the major ones I can think of beyond current managa events. Bakugo may claim to ‘hate’ Deku, but he DOES NOT like to see Deku hurt himself to win, or to save. 

Bakugo saw this 'self-sacrificing' trait in Izuku even as a young kid, and it freaked him out. It made him feel weak. It made him question himself and the world around him.

This fear starts with the incident where Bakugo fell off the log as a kid. 

It wasn't a life threatening situation, but it was the first situation where Izuku rushed to Bakugo's aid with complete disregard to himself AND when everyone else refused to help. 

Bakugo's friends, teachers and parents all held him to such high expectations of intelligence, power and strength -- so of course those would be the values that he grows up idolizing. No one ever really offered him help, because they assumed he didn't need it -- and then Izuku comes rushing in offering it to him, risking his life to do so, and Katsuki's only thought is "Why?! Why do you feel like you have to save me when you can't even protect yourself? Needing to be saved means that I'm weak! Do you think that I'm weak?" I have recently watched another show that had a similar scenario and that character explained what I believe Katsuki felt in this situation BEAUTIFULLY.  ------ “It felt like [he] was trying to say I was weak or something. [He] was intruding on feelings [he] didn’t have any right to – and I hated it. Then that got me thinking about everyone else in my life. They never treated me like I was a weakling; someone who needed his hand held. They had faith that I would continue to grow and they let me do it; helping me without ever making me feel weak.” 

Izuku continues to do this again and again throughout the series when it comes to Bakugo: the slime villain incident, the training camp, etc -- all without fully comprehending how his actions affect Bakugo. Each time this happens, Bakugo feels weak and utterly helpless to save himself OR to stop Izuku. It's all his worst fears realized.

It's like living his worst nightmare over and over without end in sight.

Going back to the concept of him being offered 'help', very few people have offered him this throughout his life -- and they all saw it as something he never really needed. It's like Katsuki's personality and mental state is a huge sign screaming 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND! NOTHING MAKES SENSE! IT MAKES ME MAD AND UPSET! SOMEONE, HELP ME.' and everyone just ignores it.

--- During the log incident - all his friends say 'Oh well, he's fine. He'll pick himself back up.' and Izuku is the only one who offers to help. 

--- The sludge villain incident - all the pro heroes say "We can't help right now! You'll just have to hold on, kid!" and again Izuku is the only one who offers help.

--- After his and Deku’s first fight at Ground Beta, which utterly breaks him, all the other students just let him leave alone and only Izuku rushes to help. All Might sees him upset and crying after this and says, “Oh, I guess he’s already over it” -- when that obviously wasn’t the case. 

--- And then -- to top it all off -- after he was kidnapped by the LOV and held captive for 3 days without help he wasn't even given time to process! He was taken away by police, ridiculed by his mother, forced to go back to school where his teachers acted like nothing happened, jumped into the provisional hero licensing exam with all those helpless feelings rolling around inside of him and on top of it found out that Izuku received All Might's power -- a power that he had spent his whole life putting on a pedestal. And he goes to Izuku for help.

The fact that everyone just brushed him off like he was someone who didn't need help is just disgusting. The only instance where an adult in his life acknowledged that he needed it was AFTER he already had a full on mental breakdown in front of Izuku, blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong and thinking that he had somehow been living his life wrong all this time. Only then did All Might and Aizawa think, ‘Yeah, maybe we failed this kid.’ 

Keep in mind during all of this that he is 15-16-years-old! He's trying to figure out how to deal with this shit all on his own, with the only person he feels comfortable opening up to being Izuku - someone who he has so much trouble understanding.

At the heart of Katsuki is a place of fear. Fear of being weak, fear of being helpless, fear of failure, fear of losing his friends, fear of himself, most certainly fear of Izuku -- and fear FOR IZUKU. He is a boy who lives in a constant state of panic, worry and paranoia. He is lonely and beats down on himself a lot.

The series deals a lot with how hero society has completely failed it's future generations, but Katsuki is a case where they should have succeeded -- yet ultimately they failed him too. He has all the makings of what could be one of the greatest heroes of all time, yet those around him only focused on the parts of him that could make him great and chose to ignore all the parts that would ruin him from the inside out. 

They put him high up on a pedestal only to knock him down and refuse to help him back up. They made him feel like even asking for help was something that made him 'lesser', and it caused him to see other people that way too.

Izuku is the heart of Katsuki's growth, because in every way that Izuku succeeds, Katsuki fails. 

I would actually argue that out of anyone in the series since coming to UA, Katsuki has experienced the highest amount of personal failure. He has been knocked down time and time again but ultimately wants to pick himself back up to prove that he deserves to be there. He fights for his friends and tries his best at everything he does. He doesn't always get it right, and he says things that might offend others, but other than Izuku, he's the most driven person there and would utterly destroy himself to reach his goals.

[captains-simp]

Yelena Belova + Fake dating Au!! pls 🥲 :)

I've been waiting for someone to pick the fake dating one *fist pumps air* I'm gonna combine this with your other request if that's okay

"I think I'm inlove with you."

Warnings: shitty family and homophobia

7.7k words

A/n: if y'all want me to do this oneshot again but with Wanda (cos I'm a lazy hoe) just lemme know 👀 I think it would work pretty well 👀

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Pleeaasse, Lena." You pouted once again. You had been begging Yelena for the favour for an hour now; her stubborness was proving hard to overcome.

"I'm busy." Yelena said, her accent strong as she walked around her appartment to collect things for her next mission.

"But will you be busy on the 10th?" You asked from the couch where you watched her disappear into various rooms as she talked.

"I thought you said it was a few days." Yelena quipped, seemingly only giving you half her attention.

"It is." You confirmed with some hope.

"So I'd need to clear my schedule for more than just the 10th." You huffed and rested your head on the back of couch.

"Yes you would. I'm sure Natasha can manage without you for a few days."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." She muttered.

"Please, Lena." You tried. "I need a win." Yelena stopped by the kitchen counter and gave you a long, considering look. You had long given up on your puppy dog eyes and instead copied her expression as you chewed on your bottom lip.

"I'll think about it." Yelena finally said before grabbing something from the cupboard.

It was the best response you had gotten all night and you knew you wouldn't get anything more. So you accepted it and hoped for the best.

Your parents had invited you to their cabin for a few days just like they did every year. It was a beautiful place. You could spend your whole visit in the forest along the back. Or swimming in the clear lake that was a short walk away. The cabin itself was the cosiest place you had ever been and had been where some of your best memories had happened as a kid.

As you got older things changed. Being around your family, especially your parents, wasn't as enjoyable. They had high expectations for their children, expectations that your siblings had met without a problem but ones that you had struggled with.

You enjoyed your life. You had the kind of relationships you had always hoped for, you loved your job and you had the perfect balance of the two. But you could never shake the feeling that you had failed.

Your brother was a surgeon who always told you all stories of the lives he saved and the close calls he had swooped in to save people from. One of your sisters was some hot shot lawyer who had done great things like help people wrongly convicted but still put dangerous people back on the street. And your other sister was the CEO of an energy company that you never quite understood. They even all had equally successful partners who loved to talk about themselves as much as your siblings did. You didn't have any of that. But you did have Yelena.

Knowing the Avengers was the only thing about you your family took interest in. They were always subtly hinting at wanting to meet your friends. But you knew the Avengers had to endure enough fan service and didn't want to push your family onto them, especially with how annoying they all were.

However as your family's unrealistic expectations reached their all time high you were sure you wouldn't be able to handle another trip with them without a win, and you were far too petty to take the moral high ground and just not go. Not to mention that was a huge part of you that was dying to see what the Yelena girlfriend experience would entail. Yep, that was what you were asking of Yelena. To pretend to be your partner for the duration of the trip.

"When are you going?" You asked, changing the subject in hopes that Yelena wouldn't suddenly conclude she didn't want to do it (then you really would have to ask one of the others).

You knew it wasn't a smart choice. That if Yelena agreed your crush on her could get out of hand. You knew you would end up getting too caught up in the act. You could have, no - should have - asked Natasha or Wanda or even Carol if she was around. But your family knew you were the closest with Yelena and she would be the one it felt the most natural with, and the most believable. At least, that was what you told Yelena.

"Tomorrow." Yelena answered, keeping her focused tone.

"When will you be back?" You attempted to keep the concern out of your voice but the glance Yelena gave you told you you hadn't done a good job.

"The day after." She said, softer this time. You nodded as you looked down at your lap and tried not to think about everything that could possibly go wrong on her mission.

"Be safe." Yelena strolled over to you and placed her hand gently ontop of yours and gave it a quick squeeze.

"Always."

¤

"Got any plans Saturday night?" Natasha smirked knowingly at her friend as they preped for their mission.

"No." Yelena replied as she slotted a spare gun into her leg harness.

"Nothing with y/n then?" Nat asked, partly genuinely but mostly knowing Yelena would still say no.

"No." Yelena said again, biting the inside of her cheek in consideration before speaking again. "Not this Saturday."

Natasha raised an eyebrow in surprise and interest. Yelena rarely made any kind of special plans with you as you would always hang out casually so it was never anything fancy or different that needed planning. She had always wanted to though.

"Plans for another time?" Nat continued as she double checked her pack.

"Maybe, I'm still thinking about it." The redhead turned fully to her friend at her words, confused at why Yelena was hesitant to spend time with you. "She wants me to go to the cabin with her and her family." Nat had heard all about the infamous cabin and your family.

"That sounds fun." Nat nodded. The cabin sounded fun. Your family did not.

"As her girlfriend." Nat's eyes widened excitedly but before she could speak Yelena clarified. "Her pretend girlfriend."

Nat paused and looked as though she was going to speak for several seconds until she stuck to just giving a confused look.

"Yeah." Yelena sighed. "Thinks it would seem impressive." Yelena had tried not to be hurt over that. She knew you weren't just friends with her to show her off to people, because you never did. But it hurt her to think the only time you could see her in a romantic way was when you were pretending.

"Well," Nat muttered as she adjusted the zip along the front of her catsuit. "Fake it till you make it." It was Yelena's turn to give Nat a questioning look. "Maybe it'll be an eye opener for her."

"You think I should do it?" Yelena asked, fully open to hearing and accepting her friend's advice in that area.

"Definelty." Nat confirmed. She wasn't sure about it for the reasons she said though. Yelena's crush on you was obvious to everyone except you, just as it was vice versa.

¤

You had been overjoyed when Yelena told you she would come with you to the cabin and play along as your girlfriend. She had told you when she came back from her mission, in fact it was the first thing she said after she had let herself into your appartment.

It was never really brought up after that, but you couldn't deny you were incredibly anxious on the week leading up to the visit.

On the drive up to the cabin you and Yelena stayed in a comfortable silence most of the time, clearly both lost in thought. You had the radio on for background noise more than anything else, but you would occasionally lightly tap the steering wheel if there was a tune you recognised, oblivious to Yelena's acknowledging smiles.

"So what's the plan?" Yelena asked as she looked at you expectantly. Right, of course the spy wanted a strategy.

"Keep things simple, I guess. They know how we met already so we can just say at some point we took things a step further than friendship." Yelena didn't seem convinced at the simplicity of that. "Look they're not going to want to hear about us, not much at least. They prefer the sound of their own voices, they'll be trying to impress you is all."

"Impress me?" Yelena asked.

"Yeah, hope you warm up to them so one day they can invite you to their snobby parties." Yelena chuckled as she glanced out of the window, knowing there was a lot of truth to what you said.

"And what are those like?" She enquired curiously.

"I wouldn't know, I've never been invited." You said simply. You had gotten over that a long time ago, gotten used to being forgotten. Yelena clearly hadn't though.

"It will be an honour to turn them down." Yelena said. You shook your head and smiled at her. That did sound pretty nice.

When the cabin came into sight between the trees your nerves spiked. You figited in your seat and bit your lip when you saw some of your family gathered outside, their attention instantly on you. You shot Yelena a quick smile which she returned before you got out of the car.

"Y/n! So nice of you to come." You mum said as her eyes flickered to Yelena more than you. She opened her arms for the shortiest hug in human history before turning to Yelena. "You must be Yelena, we've heard so much." You mum insisted as she brought Yelena in for a hug too.

The blonde raised her eyebrows at you over your mum's shoulder and you bite back a laugh. The others came over to greet you and mainly Yelena in a rush, overwhelming both of you.

"You too will be in the upstairs bedroom on the left." Your mum told you as you went to grab your bags. You did a double take, convinced you had heard her wrong. That was the best room in the house. A big difference from being in the small room in the basement every other time you had been there.

"First one on the left." Your dad confirmed. There was no way your parents were going to be in the basement so you wondered who else had been moved around but didn't ask, knowing whoever it was wasn't going to be happy.

You and Yelena made your way up to the room and you couldn't help but smile at the sight of the spacious room and the door you knew led to your en suite.

"That was...a lot." Yelena summarised as she said her bag under the bed.

"I would tell you it gets better but I don't want to get your hopes up." You sighed as you got a couple of things out.

"It's just a few days." Yelena said despite the fact you should have been assuring her.

"Yeah." You nodded and stared down at the floor. "Now c'mon." You suddenly said as you took ahold of Yelena's hand and laced your fingers together. You missed the startled blush that crept onto her cheeks when you turned around.

Your family were sat outside whispering amongst themselves when you returned. Their interested gaze fell to your entwined hands in an instant.

"So you work with the Avengers?" Your brother, Dalton, said as soon as you both sat down.

"I do." Yelena said as she continued to hold onto your hand.

"Must be crazy, what are they like?" He enquired.

"They're good." Yelena said simply. Everyone clearly expected something more but Yelena pretended not to notice making you smile.

"I almost did business with Stark once, decided against it in the end." Claire announced proudly. You and Yelena exchanged knowing glances. Stark had told you all about his encounter with your sister, it definetly wasn't her turning him down.

"I was invited to one of his parties." Anna said quickly. "I was busy that night unfortunately."

Bull. Shit.

"Yes I remember working with Doctor Strange when he was still in the medical profession." You gave Yelena an I-told-you-so look as your family erupted into conversation over who had the most contact with the heroes. That had to be a new record of how quickly they started talking about themselves.

They continued like that until your mum called everyone in for dinner. The food smelt undeniably amazing as you took your place at the table next to Yelena and eyed the dishes infront of you. Your parents efforts to impress the blonde weren't all that bad.

Your family continued to catch up and and you and Yelena half listened as you ate. They were all doing as well for themselves as ever and still hadn't learnt any modesty.

Although you were proud of your siblings for what they had all achieved, Yelena had stopped four potentially devastating bombs going off in the space of half an hour a week before but she wasn't going to bring that up anytime soon. Eventually though, the attention turned to you to bring you out of your silence.

"And you're still working in that little café, y/n?" Your mum asked curiously.

"I own it, mum." You corrected quietly as you stabbed some pieces on your plate.

"Ah yes, quite the contrast though, isn't it. Between you two." She said as she pointed at you and Yelena with her fork. You didn't say anything to that because you felt there really wasn't anything to say in response. It wasn't like you hadn't thought that exact thing every now and then.

"The team loves it." Yelena said suddenly making everyone, including you, look at her in slight surprise from speaking up. It hadn't taken your family long to learn Yelena wasn't much of a talker, not to them anyway. You couldn't get her to shut up half the time. "At least one of us goes everyday. If we're lucky we all can. Nothing beats it." She defended simply before turning back to her food to show she wasn't going to say anymore. You smiled down at your plate at her words and the truth of them.

No one said anything in response, clearly shocked from this new information until Dalton spoke up.

"But doesn't Stark like fancy, top of the line, restaurants? I can't imagine him in some random coffee shop, no offence sis." He nodded towards you though you knew he didn't mean it. He couldn't let you have just one win.

"That random coffee shop has catered some of Stark's parties. Not that many though." A smug smile crept onto Dalton's face as he opened his mouth to make a snarky remark but Yelena cut him down again. "Because y/n's invited to the rest as a guest and a close friend." Your family stared at you with open mouths.

"You've been invited to Stark's parties?!" Anna exclaimed. In your defence, your family never wanted to hear about your life so you never got the chance to tell them anything.

"It's not really my crowd." You shrugged. "I just go to hang out with them after." Dalton's jaw clenched in annoyance and he didn't say anything for the rest of dinner. It was only really your mum who kept talking. Telling everyone about her latest travels that fell on death ears.

It was certainly a first for your family.

When everyone had finished their food you and Yelena excused yourselves and said goodnight before retiring to your room. Yelena shut the door gently as you collapsed onto the bed on your back and glared at the ceiling. The blonde shuffled around quietly to get her toothbrush and toothpaste and some other things you weren't really paying attention to and went into the bathroom.

When she came back out she was in her bedclothes and lifted your feet off the floor to turn you so you could fully lay on the bed. You smiled at her weakly.

"You should go get changed." Yelena said as she got her laptop out her bag. "Then you can pick a movie." She announced when she had gotten under the covers and started her laptop. You smiled more and nodded.

You tried not to think about your family and everything they had said at dinner as you got changed but it proved difficult. Everything they had said echoed around in your head but most of all you couldn't shake the disregarding ways they said it. It was as though you could do no right with them. Maybe they would never be proud no matter what you did.

You placed your toothbrush back I'm the holder and rinsed your mouth before heading back into the bedroom to an awaiting Yelena.

You got under the covers next to her and rested your head on her shoulder as you glanced at the Netflix screen and pointed to one of the comedy movies. About ten minutes into the movie Yelena spoke. "You okay?" She whispered as she continued to look at the screen although that wasn't where her focus was.

"Yeah." You whispered back.

"Promise?" She said after a second." You moved your head away so you could see Yelena clearly.

"I'm so glad you're here." You said honestly. She smiled and nodded as her eyes searched yours.

"I'm glad I'm here too." You knew Yelena wasn't glad she had to spend the time with your family. She was glad that she could support you despite their efforts to bring you down. You were incredibly lucky to have her.

You rested your head back on her shoulder and neither of you spoke for the rest of the movie. Or the rest of the night. You must have fallen asleep about half an hour in.

*

Yelena wasn't much of an intimate person. She made the odd exception with you and Natasha, but always seemed to refrain or hold herself back from being too close to you. So when you woke up and couldn't tell where your limbs started and Yelena's ended, you were surprised to say the least.

You were resting your head on her rising chest and had your arm slung across her stomach. Your legs were tangled together and her arms were holding onto your waist. A warmth spread through you and you decided to settle back into her hold and closed your eyes with a content smile.

You had about ten minutes to enjoy that before Yelena woke up. You could feel the moment she realized you were so close, she physically froze. You waited in anticipation for something for several moments until your friend very slowly unhooked her legs and guided your body to lay against the mattress and pillows as she slipped out of bed towards the bathroom.

You sighed when you heard the door close and rubbed your eyes slowly, knowing you should get up but wishing more than anything that you could return to how you woke up.

"Morning." Yelena croaked when she left the bathroom and saw you sitting up in bed.

"Morning." You said back with a smile and tried not to focus on how ridiculously attractive her voice sounded.

You gathered some random clothes into a bundle and went into the bathroom to change again and brush your teeth. When you came out Yelena was pulling her shirt over her head and gave you a generous view of her toned stomach. Your face heated up when you saw it and you turned away to pretend you hadn't seen when Yelena noticed you.

"Don't make a sound." Yelena warned. You glanced up at her with some confusion. "I don't think your family's awake yet, that means we get the kitchen to ourselves." She grinned and you did too.

You and Yelena had gotten so used to getting up early for your jobs you forgot other people would still be sleeping. It was hard to break out of the habit but it proved useful.

The pair of you made a quick breakfast and ate it outside thanks to the warm weather even at that time. But soon enough your parents came downstairs and ruined the peaceful atmosphere with the clanging of pots and loud convosations.

You wandered around the side of the house and saw the old table tennis table that bad been folded away years ago and hadn't been set up since. You went over and started setting it up when Yelena joined you and eyed the table with a glimmer of mischief.

The blonde was the most competitive person you had ever met, you learnt that over a simple game of snakes and ladders years ago.

"You played this before?" You asked convosationally.

"I have." She said as you both automatically took up your positions of opposite ends of the table.

"Me too." You said confidently. "A lot." Yelena hummed in acknowledgment and swivelled her bat in her hand and stood ready. You smiled at her seriousness for the game.

You served surprisingly well for someone who hadn't played in a few years and Yelena was able to hit it back with ease. Once you had developed a steady pace you started hitting the ball more daringly to Yelena who was caught off guard before she started doing the same.

The moment you missed the ball a smug grin started on Yelena's face, her arrogance stopped her being aware of you suddenly sending the ball back her way until it was too late.

"That wasn't fair!" She exclaimed childishly.

"That was tables tennis." You said seriously but started smiling again. Yelena rolled her eyes and flipped you off as she trudged back to the table and served the ball with force. You managed to send it back but took a step away from the table in caution.

You continued like that for a while. The competition tension rising as you picked up the pace, one of you occasionally getting a point before the other evened it out.

At one point you were vaguely aware of Dalton sauntering over to see what you were doing and arched his brow at the sight of the table.

"We still have this thing?" He questioned and you hummed quietly in response, too focused on the game.

"Hey Claire! Get over here, we're playing table tennis." You rolled your eyes at the intrusive and could sense Yelena refraining from doing the same until an idea popped into your head.

You caught the ball in your hand and smiled at Yelena's protests as you moved round to her side of the table just as your sister came out.

"I didn't even know we still had this." Claire laughed as she picked up another bat from the box.

"Maybe we should take it back with us." Yelena whispered to you and you bit your lip to contain your smile because yes, yes you should. Inevitably, your siblings sucked at table tennis.

You had suspected as much you just never thought they would be as bad as they were. They missed almost every hit and everytime they did they got increasingly angry, which meant they ended up flaring their arms around like idiots. It was a memory you would be sure to treasure.

"Stupid game" and "probably broken" kept echoing across the table until your siblings finally stormed off to throw a tantrum.

The rest of the day went by quietly. You and Yelena sat by the lake for most of the afternoon to enjoy the sun and heat. You reveled in the most recent memories of your siblings embarrassment and had to keep hushing down to childish whispered whoever one of them was nearby.

Surprisingly, dinner went by peacefully too. You weren't asked anymore questions at the table. Instead, your family were content with talking about their upcoming plans between stealing glances at you and Yelena that the blonde never failed to notice.

The pair of you slipped off to your room the first moment you got and easily fell into bed besides one another. Yelena picked out a horror movie instantly making you groan into her shoulder as she giggled.

She settled down beside you and within the first few jumpscares she slowly wrapped an arm around your shoulder so you could sink into her further. You were barely paying attention to the film after that.

Despite the chilling scenes of the film, you couldn't help but want to melt under the warmth of your best friend. You hoped it was something you got to experience more, you felt safer than you ever had in Yelena's arms.

Little did you know that having you in her arms was the most comforting feeling Yelena had ever experienced.

*

You had thought waking up in Yelena's arms the morning before had been the best thing to awake to. But that day when you woke up not only were your legs tangled together again but the blonde was slowly stroking your hair while your head rested on her chest. It was a gradual gesture that maintained a perfect rhythm and made you want to fall back asleep. But you were afraid you would mistake it for a dream later on. No, it was definitely real.

Luckily, your head was already tilted upwards slightly so when you secretly opened your eyes to risk a peek at your friend you saw her staring out the window as though she was in a trance. She was clearly so deep in thought she hadn't noticed you wake up, you had never seen her like it. But the feeling was too good to ignore, too compelling.

Soon enough, you found yourself drifting off back to sleep.

*

When you woke up again Yelena was gone. Her absence left am emptiness you knew wasn't good for you. As the days of your visit went on your fake relationship with Yelena was going to effect you even more when it was over.

Over...you couldn't think about that.

Once you got up and got changed you found Yelena in the kitchen looking at the news on her phone as she sipped her coffee.

"Morning, honey." You grinned. Yelena blushed slightly into her coffee, something you thought was undeniably adorable.

"Morning yourself." She tried to play off smoothly making you grin more.

You made breakfast for you both just as your mum came into the kitchen and greeted you both with an overplayed smile, already talking to Yelena about an upcoming party that she should go to. Yelena mumbled something about a full schedule as you managed to whisp her away outside with your food.

Eventually, you and Yelena became bored with sitting around in the house when you had such amazing surroundings on your doorstep. You declared that you were going on a walk with the blonde and left before any of your family could invite themselves to go with you. Especially as you had told your friend to wear her swimwear underneath her clothing as you had a surprise for her.

You made a point of holding Yelena's hand as you left and once you were far away from the house went to take it back only for her to hold on tighter.

"You never know where they could be lurking." She joked as an excuse, so you starting swinging your arms playfully as to assure her you wanted your hands to stay linked together too.

You spent hours in those woods and was thankful for having a spy best friend who of course knew to pack the essentials like food and drinks so you could stay away from the house as long as you wanted. The blonde brought so much you were able to have a small picnic on top of a hill that overlooked the large lake that stretched out all the way back to the house. You remembered thinking up stories as to explain the strange shape and curves to it as a child.

"It's beautiful here." Yelena said as she picked some grapes from the bunch between you.

"It is." You agreed with a fond smile.

"I used to want to live in a place like this." She muttered, sparking your interest.

"In the woods?" You asked curiously and she nodded.

"I thought I could retire to the woods and get a small cabin and I could grow my own food and that was all I needed." You hummed with a smile as you studied Yelena's features.

"Sounds lonely." You thought aloud.

"I'd have a cat." She said simply making you laugh. "I never used to think that but now when it crosses my mind and I picture that life... I picture someone else there with me." You knew she was imagining it as she spoke and you wished you could see exactly what it was she wanted.

"We could always downgrade the holiday house." You half joked as you nodded in the vague direction of the house. "Make it a simple cabin."

"We?" Yelena asked hopefully, the emotion clear before she had a chance to conceal it.

"There's no one I'd rather run away and live in the forest with." You joked although there was a lot of truth to your words. The blonde considered you for a while before smiling and nodded as though she had reached her own internal conclusion.

"Come on." You said suddenly as you stood up and dusted yourself off.

"You want to go back?" Yelena asked and you grinned.

"I'm going to show you that surprise." You declared and packed the remaining food away. Yelena did the same, eager to see the surprise you kept secret the whole way.

It was quite a way back to the house. The whole time Yelena kept asking more questions about it but you wouldn't say. She could only make guesses based on the swim wear which should have left only a few options, non of which she got right.

Finally, you arrived where you wanted to and grinned at Yelena before starting towards the edge. The blonde frowned as she watched you approach the ledge and became worried when she invisioned the steep slope that didn't always lead to water straight down. If you were to fall... your friend didn't have to wait long to see that. You slipped along the edge and disappeared from her view as she gave a startled cry and sprinted towards the edge and knelt over with wide eyes, expecting to see something that could haunt her forever but instead she saw you on a wide ledge but seven feet below her.

To your left was part of the ledge that had been dug into randomly and acted as perfect aid to get back into the woods above.

"Come down here." You beckoned as you starter to take your top off. Yelena's eyes widened more and quickly turned around and dropped down next to you steadily.

She glanced over the side of the small ledge to glance at the fifty foot drop into the water. There was nothing in the way to fall onto but there was no telling how deep that water was.

"You can't go in like that." You laughed as you kicked off your shorts and pushed them to the side. Yelena's face heated up at the sight of you in your y/f/c bikini as you assessed the view. But even in her flustered state she was able to put it all together.

"You want to jump down there?" She exclaimed making you laugh.

"I've done it tones of times." You assured. "It's fun."

"It's a death wish! What if the waters not deep enough?" She questioned making you laugh more.

"Are you scared, Lena." You teased as you took a step towards her making her avert her eyes from your form. She scoffed to play it off.

"Of course not." You hummed in faux belief.

"Well then I'll see you down there." You grinned and took a couple of steps back until your feet were no longer on the platform and you were plummeting down towards the water where you landed with a splash.

Yelena held her breath as she waited for you to resurface for a few agonising seconds. When you did with a gasp and started kicking around frantically to keep yourself afloat with your built up adrenaline the blonde sighed in relief and started taking off her own shorts and shirt and placed them next to your things.

You've jumped from higher. She told herself as she rocked on her feet. With a harness! She argued back before she shoved those thoughts aside and threw herself off the ledge and into the water below.

You laughed as she came back up and pushed her hair away from her way. You swam closer to her and saw her wide smile.

"Fuck." Yelena whispered with a laugh as she looked back up from where you had both come.

"Told you it was fun." You teased as you tried not to focus on the low cut on her bikini bra.

"Yeah yeah." She laughed and adulterer when she looked past you and saw you were surprisingly close to the house. She could see the outline of your family sat outside.

"They're looking." Yelena muttered. You could tell by the look on her face who she was talking about. It wasn't like there was anyone else around either.

"Do you think they've caught on?" You asked nervously as you stared at Yelena's grey eyes to stop you looking at your family.

"Maybe..." She considered and glanced around. "It's not like we've been acting like that much of a couple." You scoffed at that.

"At home everyone assumes we're dating and the one time we need it be believable it isn't." You rolled your eyes but couldn't help the smile.

"I know." Yelena laughed for a second but then paused. "Then let's give them something believable." She gently placed both her hands on your waist and pulled you slowly towards her. You let her guide you and took extra notice of the water droplets across her face. You almost trembled when your bare stomachs pressed together in the water lightly.

Yelena's soft hands left your waist and gripped your thighs to pull you up to wrap your legs around her own waist. You couldn't help but giggle at the gesture as you wrapped your arms around the blonde's neck and held onto her waist with your legs in a lock.

"Can I?" Yelena whispered when she lifted your chin with her finger and her other hand came round the back of your neck.

"Just shut up and kiss me." You demanded with a playful smile and leaned in to do it yourself.

You smiled into the kiss and felt Yelena do the same. It was everything you had ever imagined it to be. Her lips were soft and fell into place perfectly against your own as they moved together.

You mind was hazey and your stomach was doing flips at the realisation that you were actually kissing your long time crush. You forced yourself to remember that it was all a show. That Yelena didn't mean it. But she put on a believable act and kissed passionately, even slipping her tongue through your parter lips to explore your mouth further.

When she eventually pulled away you rested your foreheads together to catch your breath and grinned as you closed your eyes.

"You're a really good kisser." You blurted out making Yelena chuckle.

"Not too bad yourself." She teased.

"I hope not, we're gonna have to do that again." You smiled and instantly realized that sounded like a confession you desperetly wished you could claim. "You know because...Once probably wasn't enough to make it entirely believable." You rambled and Yelena nodded somewhat stiffly and let your legs drop back down.

You wanted to say something to her, anything but it was all stuck on the tip of your tongue.

Just as you opened your mouth to speak, a small murmurarion of starlings flew across the lake, some of them skimming the water then gaining height again as they got closer to you and Yelena.

You both ducked instinctively as they flew over your heads and off towards the forest again as you watched them in awe until they disappeared. You glanced up at the sky and noticed the sun had gone behind a cloud, ableing you to continue looking up at the other birds higher up.

You kicked your legs up slightly so you could lay on your back and outstretch your arms to keep you afloat in the water so you could stare up at the sky without hurting your neck.

You didn't realise Yelena mimicked you until her hands brushed against yours. She withdrew it as soon as you touched and went to murmmer an apology but you smiled and held onto her hand as you both lay watching the birds.

Neither of you had to say anything. It was a comfortable and peaceful silence that was occasionally filled with birds chirping or the sound of a calm breeze. Of all the things you expected to feel on that trip, relaxed was not one of them. You stayed like that for a while until you were both snapped out of your daydreams by the distant yell that declared dinner. Well, you had to go back to them eventually.

Both of you took your time swimming back to dry land and only felt a shiver when you left the water and the breeze hit you. Yelena spotted and reached the towels before you and wrapped yours around you tightly. You thanked her with a small blush as you both sauntered up to the house where the mouthwatering smell of a barbecue greeted you. Your dad was leaning over it while shooing your brother away as he tried to offer his 'help'.

You and Yelena went inside to change swiftly and came back outside as the food was being placed on plates and your mum finished setting up the buffet.

Everyone starter helping themselves and you piled as much food as you could onto the plate. You parents had asked what food Yelena liked and when you gave them a brief list you added in a few things you knew you both loved.

"You gonna eat all that?" Anna asked as she eyed all the food on your plate. Guilt and insecurities washed over you until Yelena purposefully grabbed a large handful of small sausage rolls and put them on her plate that was piled with a considerable amount more food than your own. You smiled at the reassuring gesture as she sat down with a satisfied grin on her face when she saw Anna close her mouth to stay quiet.

"Thanks." You whispered to her as you sat down.

"If you don't eat all that I will." She declared. You were pretty sure she went back for seconds.

Instead of disappearing back to your room like you did the previous nights, you and Yelena stayed with your family for a while after dinner. It wasn't to do with their company, more the mesmerising fire in the firepit you all sat around. You were cuddled up into Yelena's side with a blanket over both of you as you stared at the flames, smiling at their small flickers and dances.

"So Yelena," one of your sisters began, "are any of the other Avengers...you know." She nodded her head in the direction of you both.Oh boy, you though.

"I don't think it's my place to say." Yelena said because yes, a lot of the Avengers were queer.

"Oh come on, you can tell us." Anna encouraged as she sat forward eagerly.

"I could, but I'm not going to." Yelena continued to defy.

"Lay off it guys." You mumbled but was ignored. Your family took it in turns saying her teammates names in hopes of sparking a reaction, clearly forgetting they were facing a spy.

"Stark!" Claire said but was instantly shut down by the others.

"He's married!" Dalton objected.

"Could still be bi though." Claire tried but  Dalton just scoffed.

"I suppose there's going to be more surprises."

"What does that mean?" Yelena asked with narrowed eyes. Dalton met her gaze with his own challenging one.

"I just never thought one of the Avengers would be a dyke." You felt Yelena stiffen as you all held your breath. There was no way to tell what was going through the blonde's mind, especially as after all those years of friendship you still didn't even know what team she batted for. She was an ally at least, but would she see this as her battle to fight?

Upon getting no reaction, Dalton continued. "It makes sense why you'd hang out with y/n though, we always knew something was wrong with her but-"

"That's enough." Your mum snapped with a guilty expression she failed to mask. You swallowed hard and moved to get up, deciding you had heard enough.

"Then you're idiots." Yelena stated as she glared daggers at your brother while you sunk down.

"I'll have you know I have a doctorate-"

"Your idiots." She repeated. "There's nothing wrong with y/n, which is impressive considering she's grown up around you lot." You looked at your friend in awe as she continued.

"She's the most amazing person I've ever known, including any of the Avengers. She's everything that you're not and I'm lucky to call her my girlfriend. It doesn't matter what any of you think of her, I love her and I always will." She declared as shot daggers at each individual family member who had fallen silent. She took your hand and pulled you up from your seat to take you inside.

You couldn't get her saying she loved you out of your head. You reminded yourself over and over again on the way to your room that it was just an act. That the blonde was making her point. But God, how you wished it was real.

She was so gentle with you as she guided you through the house. When you got to your room and broke down sobbing she held you on the bed for a long time until your cries turned to sniffles. The thing was, you weren't sure what you were crying over. Sure, what Dalton had said had hurt. As did the confirmation that your whole family had always looked down on you. But you had known that was the case for a long time, you had moved on from it.

Instead, you may have being crying over what you didn't know and didn't have. How much of what Yelena said was true? It was all based off of something that wasn't real. What if she saw you the same way your family did?

When you stopped crying you became aware of Yelena gently stroking your hair as she rested her head on yours and held you close to her. You remembered the memories you had accumulated over the past few days with her. The kisses, the hand holding, the nights together, how she stood up for you like no one ever had. You loved her so much.

"I think we should go tomorrow." Yelena mumbled and you nodded into her shoulder.

"I'm not going to leave you though, you know that right? You can stay at mine and we'll watch more of those crappy American movies you like." She mocked lightly making you chuckle against her. "Whatever you want."

"I just want you." You said honestly. You knew you shouldn't have said that, but you were too emotionally drained to care.

"I just want you too, y/n." You pulled away from the blonde to look at her clearly.

"I don't think you know what I mean." You sniffer and she smiled at you fondly.

"I mean what I said earlier, around the fire." Your eyes widened slightly and you held your breath.

"It was all an act though." You whispered and Yelena chuckled as she exhaled sharply.

"No y/n." "I think I am inlove with you." She said as she took ahold of your hand and searched your face for any signs of a reaction to her confession.

"Me?" You questioned, not quite believing it.

"Yes you, idiot." You smiled and sighed in relief, not being able to find the words to express your overflowing happiness and numerous other emotions you couldn't quite pinpoint. You let go of Yelena's hand and brought them both up to cup her cheeks. You had done a lot more handholding than kissing in the previous few days. It needed to be evened out.

You closed the gap between you and kissed Yelena with just as much passion as you had in the lake, except all hesitation and questions were gone. Because you knew she loved you. Oh God she loved you. You grinned into the kiss at the thought and felt her hand fall to your hip while the other caressed the side of your neck in the most gentle manner you had ever seen from her. When you eventually pulled away you rested your forehead against hers, a smile still playing on both your lips.

"Told you we'd have to do that again." You said and and laughed. "I love you too."

"Well I hoped that wasn't a pity kiss." She joked and you smacked her arm playfully.

"It definetly was not and I'll prove it to you by taking you on a date when we get back." You promised as you sat back to look at her clearly.

"Oh yeah?" She asked with a playful smirk and leaned over so her face was inches away from yours.

"Yeah." You said back.

"Well until then, my real girlfriend should definetly just keep kissing me." She said as she pushed you down gently and kissed you again. You smiled against her gleefully.

"Your girlfriend would love to."