#especially if i made myself inhumanely ridiculous

[frosting-surfeit]

Please never make fun of ignorant people, please just educate them. Please just teach if you can, otherwise let them be, do not make fun of them. that leads to nothing. Absolutely nothing.

As someone whos been on the receiving end, multiple times, because i said some deeply unspeakably embarrassing things, it only makes you feel like youre lower than dirt.

[it-happened-one-fic]

Hours in the Moonlight: Somnolent Gloaming - 3. More and More Questions

Summary: Questions were possibly the only thing on your mind as you were given the tour of the Diasomnia clan. And, unfortunately, the two young men who were guides only seemed to be causing more questions to come up.

Series Type: Gender-neutral reader/ Vampire AU/ series/ romantic/ angst/ angst with comfort/ fluff/ sfw/ platonic interactions too!

Trigger Warning: Vampire

Word Count: 1484

Hours in the Moonlight Master-List

I followed the two young men, with the green-haired one quickly taking the lead as the other one trailed behind him slightly. 

As soon as we exited the room, the pale looked back at me, inclining his head politely just like he had on Halloween, “I’m Silver, and this is Sebek. If you have any questions-”

“OF COURSE THEY WILL HAVE QUESTIONS, SILVER! THERE IS NO WAY THEY FULLY UNDERSTAND HOW GRAND A REQUEST OUR LORD MALLEUS HAS GRANTED!!!” I almost flinched at the loudness of the green-haired one… Sebek. And I felt myself frown at his words in confusion.

Were the records the Diasomnia clan held supposed to be kept secret or something?

“Sebek, you shouldn’t yell. You’ll disturb the others,” Silver’s voice was the perfect opposite to Sebek’s. Quiet and almost soothing as he gestured to the vampires who’d emerged to see what was happening.

They stared at us, and, for once, I really didn’t know if it was because of my penchant for attracting vampires or the loudness of the young man who continued to walk purposefully forward ahead of me.

I wasn’t the only one who noticed the stares though, and I spotted Silver glancing from the various vampires and then over my way with a simple shift of his eyes, “Father had mentioned you were like me, but I see that it’s true.”

 I frowned at his calm words, confused as Sebek began to speak. His voice oddly annoyed sounding as he piped into the conversation, “Yes, why the head-vampire would want a Hunter that smells like you is beyond me. Utterly ridiculous.”

I felt my eyebrows rise as I glanced over at Silver only to find him already staring back at me, causing me to blink in surprise and look away.

 Vil had said he was like me, and I’d thought he’d simply meant that Silver was a human, but… Could he have meant that Silver attracted vampires too?

I glanced clandestinely back over at Silver, half-relieved he wasn’t looking my way this time. 

I didn’t see anything that looked like what I expected a bite mark to look like, so at the very least he didn’t look like he’d been attacked as I might have expected. But that didn’t mean anything.

In the end, the only way I would find out if he was like me and attracted vampires would be to ask, but I held back. I knew it could be an awkward topic, and though it didn’t really bother me, that might not be the case for Silver.

So I stayed silent, opting to follow along and keep my thoughts to myself. After all, I was having a myriad of thoughts right now.

 For instance, what did Lilia and Malleus have to discuss with Sam? And did it have anything to do with my being here?

And then there were Malleus’s words…. ‘So we finally meet.’ That made it sound like he’d been expecting me for quite some time.

But why? It was true that I’d ended up making quite the entrance at that masquerade, but surely it hadn’t been enough to catch someone like that’s attention. 

Malleus did seem to have quite the presence, after all. Much like this building itself did. 

Just like how this house reminded me of a haunted mansion straight out of a horror movie, Malleus was exactly what one thought of when one imagined a vampire.

Attractive in a villainous, almost inhuman sort of way that would have anyone taking a second look at the statuesque, pale man even though it was obvious that you probably shouldn’t. 

Especially with how pleased and amused he’d seemed by my mere presence.

Surely he wasn’t so powerful and ancient that the very idea of a vampire hunter confronting him was amusing?

It was a thought that had me almost grimacing before I carefully controlled my expression. 

At the very least I needed to look confident, but this place was already leaving me feeling like I was far out of my depth.

The other clans had been dangerous, but nothing really like this, where I felt like I’d well and truly stepped out of my world of the living and into the one where the dead ruled supreme.

I suppose I understood now why Crowley and his men had been trying to decide if I was ready to face the Diasomnia clan and evaluate them.

I could also understand Vil’s wariness and Leona’s distaste, now. Vil, for his part, never liked for me to be put at risk, even though he knew it was necessary for my job as the Hunter. However, he also respected me and my past successes to the degree where he’d only warned me to be careful.

And I had no doubts that he probably had to be careful too. After all, he was the head of a clan in the district that Crowley was head-vampire of, and Crowley had made it beyond clear in the past that he had few qualms about forcing people’s hands. 

If Vil slipped up, there was no telling what Crowley might do. And though I hadn’t seen the masked vampire since the day he’d ‘hired’ me, I was positive he didn’t trust me. He was probably waiting for me to try and get revenge or something like that.

Leona, on the other hand, probably had beef with this clan since I could easily see him clashing with Malleus. Both men gave off an aura of power, and I could see Leona viewing Malleus and his behavior as looking down on the beastman.

And who knows, maybe he’d be right. I hadn’t seen nearly enough of Malleus to speak of the clan head’s character. 

All I could say was that, just based on the actions and behavior of the two men who were walking with me and pointing out various rooms as we strolled along, paired with the entire experience of being introduced to the clan head, Malleus was well respected here.

“HUMAN!” I jumped about a foot in the air at Sebek’s shout, suddenly fearful that I’d been caught in my idle musings only for him to continue, “This is the library. You will find all of our records here.”

The darkly-colored door swung open with a quiet creak that had me frowning at the gradually increasing similarities between the building and a haunted mansion. 

At this point, it was almost ridiculous.

My eyes widened though, as I beheld the raw number of shelves and books that made Scarabia’s library look pitiful in comparison.

I slowly stepped in the room, gazing around me in awe at the floor-to-ceiling shelves that seemed to cover every wall.

“I see you are suitably impressed,” Sebek’s smug voice came from behind me as the two men watched me look around before I turned, half-embarrassed as I noticed the way they were looking at me.

Sebek with smug, almost gloating amusement, and Silver with a smaller smile that, were I not used to ridiculously attractive men, would have doubtless swept me right off my feet then and there.

“Do you think you’ll find what you need here?” Silver’s voice maintained that steady tone that had me beginning to wonder if stoicism was just characteristic to him. After all, up until now, when he’d just smiled, he’d worn the same calm expression.

Perhaps it was something to do with being a lone human living amongst vampires? But, from my careful clandestine checking, he didn’t seem to have any bite marks on him at all. Though, to be fair, the uniform-looking outfit he wore might cover them.

I lifted a shoulder, managing a slight smile even as my brain continued to throw more and more questions at me, “I certainly hope so. At the very least, you have a lot of books, so you may just have records that date back to a point where something like this has happened with increasing numbers of insane vampires before.”

Sebek crossed his arms, looking perfectly unimpressed as he stared at me, “And if there are no such records? What then, Human?”

I could almost swear that Silver let out a sigh as the other man spoke, but Sebek had posed a good question.

I mirrored his motions, crossing my own arms though.

This was a situation that reminded me of the conversation I’d had with Leona months ago where I’d had to prove my resolve. And if that was what it would take for me to be successful in my evaluation of this clan, then so be it.

I met Sebek’s gaze directly as I answered his question in a level tone. He deserved an answer after all, and it would be a chance for me to prove myself.

“Then I’ll keep doing what I have been, and evaluate all of the clans until I find the source of this entire mess.”

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[jamieedlund]

What's ur favorite hc for Aaravos?

This is a surprisingly hard question to unpack for a lot of reasons- but I'll do my best to articulate myself (ง •_•)ง

I think this spoke for itself but just in case, here is a short elaboration: if I had to pick a favorite, it would have to be this.

He is someone who - despite all of the odds, despite how the world treated to him, despite being ridiculed, subjected to the worst torture known to man(yes solitary confinement is considered one of the most inhumane methods of torture) for over 300 years and had his name dragged through the mud for literal centuries-

-could still smile so brightly and sincerely like that, affirming that he does, with all of his heart, still very much love this world. However twisted that love might be, however difficult it was for him to learn how to use and express that love in a healthy way, it still speaks volume about who he is as a person.

Now if you have the time, allow me to explain bellow. If not, stop here, the question is basically answered 🙏💗 Thank you for reading!

Hello, if you're reading this that means you are willing to listen/read more about my thoughts and therefore I expect you to have a leveled head and a polite attitude to what I'm about to say.

If not then why are you here there was LITERALLY A STOP BUTTON. Please click off this post, what are you doing with your life wasting it hate watching me? 

With that being said, hello! fellow polite person who is reading this - - - Spoiler there is no illust down here because I'm running low on time on my thesis I'm so sorry ;;A;; Here is the elaboration to why this is my default favorite headcanon!

While I am aware of the amount of WILDLY different headcanons that exist out there for him, which are very popular within the fandom and even taken as gospel, I strongly feel that mine isn't really aligned with some, if not most of the hc out there at all.

Personally, I don't even agree with the canon version of in him ss4.

I'm assuming that you are asking me about my- personal favorite headcanon for him so for now, my answer will be: Ignoring the terrible characterization of him in season 4, my absolute favorite thing about him has to be: Despite everything, despite what everyone says about him, despite how the world perceives him

He is

without a doubt

Someone who loves this world very much.

Again this all ties in with what I'm going to present in my thesis, so I can't elaborate on it too much without giving any spoilers to the case I'm going to present for him. But for now, and especially right now at the time of writing this, they just released another vaguely worded and filled to the brim with plot holes short story regarding his past ... I-- hm I sincerely have no intention to keep up with the series... Therefore my hc will definitely contradict vastly with the horrendous plot holes ridden pre-established canon

-which then made the act of answering to this question exceedingly difficult due to the way I personally perceive him.

To wrap it up, all I want to say is, we could have had it all, a character who would make us cry, laugh and want to root for, had they written him with love and care, rather than trying to stuff him into the shoes a villain, which just felt forced and unnatural. Villains who are terrible only to be stopped have been overdone, and for tdp to be another generic show is a huge waste of potential

Wouldn't most of us have killed for, finally, an antagonist who isn't actually the antagonist but rather the very system that these people are experiencing is the actual villain ? ? ?

Best of all, they could have contrasted this with Callum, our protagonist. In Callum's case, despite being portrayed as one of "the good guys" or "heroes", he has all the reason to hate the world. This in turn create a complex narrative about the nature of people - Or in this case, the hero acting morally righteous despite hating the world vs the guy who was deemed evil and terrible by the world and yet still loves it with all of his heart. It could have been a heart-warming story about how two individuals find their way in this messed up world-- but nope~ non of this is canon :DDD

When in the history of television has any shows have a twist with the "hero" and "villain" ditching their role immediately to become a neutral party to reflect all the flaws in the world they live in? ? ? TDP had the perfect setup, but then proceeded to drop all of the balls spectacularly in ss4...

I always try my best to not touch ss4 but it feels almost impossible to talk about Aaravos w/out addressing the disservice that it did to his character. And that is all, I have to say for now~

Sincerely, thank you for reading.

[lift-your-hips-for-me-love]

I knock on the door tentatively. I was very confident when I decided to come here but now, I’m feeling anything but confident. But I’m not gonna step back. I won’t back away now. I won’t break her heart. Not again. I brace myself as the door opens.

I expected many things but I definitely did not expect Aman’s face staring back at me. “Oh, I didn’t expect to see you here. Especially today” he said. Neither did I, Aman. “Since you’ve come here, I don’t think you’ll listen to me if I tell you to go, would you?” At my pause, he sighs and opens the door wider to let me in. I step inside and have a look at her house. I had a lot of difficulty finding where she lived. I look around the walls and see many pictures hanging on them. The walls are painted green. I realise how little I know about her. I didn’t even know she liked green. Even to find this house, I had to ask many of her friends. They told me she was renting this place since it’s close to her college. A picture on the table catches my attention. She’s wearing a blue shirt and her hair is braided into two plaits as always. She’s grinning at the camera and looks genuinely happy. I wonder if someone has entered her life who keeps her very happy. I wonder if that someone is Aman. My nose flares at the thought but then I stop myself. Since I was the one who made her sad, I don’t have the right to choose who makes her happy. And anyway, it’s not as if Aman has to do anything with her love life. It’s just an assumption. But what if it’s true? Where is she? What is Aman doing here? Does she remember today’s date? I have a million thoughts and questions running through my head. I have to see her. Right now. I have to make sure she’s alright, even though she probably is.

Aman is watching me, trying to decipher my expression. He won’t be able to, though. I’ve mastered the art of shutting off my face. After all, I’ve been doing it since my childhood. “Aman, how is -?” I’m interrupted by a scream. I don’t think I’ve ever heard something so inhumane. It contains so much of agony. And I’m afraid it’s sickeningly familiar. Aman quickly glances at her bedroom, from where the voice just came. He looks back at me with a very troubled face and says, “Do whatever you want, just don’t enter that room.” With that, he turns and runs into the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I stand there, dumbstruck. I don’t know what to do. That was definitely her voice. I am sure of it. But I just saw her picture with that genuine smile! It absolutely contradicts the agony in her voice. It contained so much pain that I just wanted to shut my ears and sob. What’s making her hurt so much? Then a voice inside my head says, It’s you who hurt her. I was you who broke her heart. It makes me sick. I have to know what’s happening inside that room. I press my ear to the door and listen closely.

I hear her speaking. “- as much as I want! Get me more, RIGHT NOW!”

Her voice is demanding. Of course. She was always demanding and got everything her way.

Aman says, “I SAID ENOUGH! You’ve had a lot of drink today and you’re gonna be wasted if you continue! You aren’t getting any more. And how long do you plan on being depressed over him, huh?! Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Well, I can’t help it because I had a fucking heart and it got SHATTERED. And I’ll cry over him and tear myself apart for as long as I like. Now, get me my drink or I’ll get it myself.”

I feel awful. AWFUL. How can I do this to her? She’s literally breaking. I want to kill myself for doing this to her.

Aman releases an exasperated sigh and says, “Okay, I’ll get you more. Just don’t get out of this room.”

He opens the door and looks at me. My expression is no longer stoic. I guess I look as if I’m about to puke. He runs frustrated fingers through his hair as if he doesn’t know what to do with me. Finally, he says, “This has been happening every year on this day. Since the year you left her, she behaves this way on this date. She suffers all the other days too but doesn’t show. I guess, this is her way to spit out all her agony. When we were younger, she used to send her parents out making some excuse. Once, I went to check on her and found her crying so bad. She was drunk and when she saw me, she thought it was you and hugged me so hard. She said never to leave her again. But after a few moments, she realized it was me and started crying even harder, if that’s possible. I stayed with her that whole day, trying to console her. Since then, I make sure she’s never alone on this day of the year.”

I swallow hard. I don’t know what else to do. I am ashamed of myself. My feet are trembling. My eyes are burning. My hands are shaking. I stand there. I have nothing to defend myself. I don’t even try to. Aman goes into the kitchen and retrieves another bottle of drink. He doesn’t look at me and goes straight into her room. This time, he doesn’t shut the door, though. And for the first time in 5 years, I see her. I can’t believe it’s her. She’s nothing like I remember her. Her eyes are bloodshot because of the excess drink and she has bags under her eyes. Her hair is a complete mess. She’s wearing pajamas and a T shirt. She doesn’t see me. She sees the drink. She grabs the bottle and empties it in one gulp. Then she screams again. But this time, it’s my name that she screams and then breaks into uncontrollable sobs. I don’t know when the tears start falling but I’m suddenly crying. Aman is trying to comfort her. He holds her and but doesn’t say a thing. She’s crying so hard that her whole-body shakes. I can’t look at her anymore. I don’t think I could bear it. I look away. She whispers to Aman to leave her alone for some time. I think Aman doesn’t move because she repeats and tells him that she would be alright after some time. I hear him stand up and walk back to me. He’s looking at me. He doesn’t know what to do. I don’t give him the time to think. I somehow find the strength to look him in the eyes.

Then I beg him. “I know you don’t trust me. I know I don’t deserve her. But give me one chance. Just one chance. I’ll fix this. Please. Please. If I can’t, I’ll go away. I’ll never show her my face again. I promise.”

He must be able to see the desperation in my eyes because he nods. I am grateful to him. But I’ll thank him later. My first priority is her. I walk to the door and knock on it, even if it’s open. “Go away, please” she says. She thinks it’s Aman.

“Laya?” I call her name softly.

She freezes. She slowly lifts up her head as if she’s afraid to see me. I don’t blame her. When she finally looks at me, she inhales sharply and her eyes widen. I am suddenly terrified. I slowly walk up to her and stand in front of her. She’s watching my ever action. Then it becomes overwhelming. I can’t take it anymore. I fall onto my knees and once again tears start rolling down my cheeks and I don’t even bother to wipe them. All I care about is her.

“I’m so sorry” I whisper very slowly I’m not even sure she heard it. But when I look at her, I know she did. She’s staring at me, her mouth slightly open. She doesn’t say anything, though. Her silence is deafening. It’s as if she’s waiting for me to continue so I do. “I was out of my mind. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was only thinking about myself. I thought that when you would go away, it would break me so to save myself, I pushed you away. I did not think about how it would affect you. I found the opportunity when you started talking to other guys a little more than usual. I made it an excuse and told you you’ve changed. I pushed you away and ignored you even when you were begging me. I missed you everyday and every night so I surrounded myself with other girls. They distracted me from thinking of you. But every night I went to sleep, I dreamt about you and when I woke up every morning, I realized it was just a dream and that hit me hard. I tried to bear it. I tried so hard and I guess, I finally was able to. But there were times when I felt that I couldn’t live without you. I was feeling that way when I decided to come to see you today. But when I looked at you, I realized that, while my soul was struggling to live, yours had died and I am responsible for it. I’m so sorry. Leaving you was the worst choice I ever made. I don’t deserve to be forgiven but I want you to know that I love you as much as I love my mother.”

She whimpers and her lips start trembling. She’s crying silently. Then, she climbs off her bed, sits next to me and then pulls me to her. She hugs me so hard; I can’t breathe. But I don’t let go. I will never let go. I hold her with same desperation. From the corner of my eye, I see Aman closing the door to give us more privacy.

After what feels like eternity, she finally releases me and says, “I knew you would come back. You should’ve done it a little earlier, don’t you think?”

I laugh with tears in my eyes but now, these are from happiness. I pull her to me once again. She gently pushes me and I am disappointed.

But then she says, “I love you, Sonu. I’ll always love you and I never regretted it. Not even once.”

And then she presses her lips to me and I melt. It feels so good that I can’t explain it in words. Her kiss holds hope and love and I’m gonna make it last forever. After some time, she says she’s tired. So we climb on her bed and fall asleep. Together. Holding each other. The next morning, when I wake up, she’s still sleeping. She looks so peaceful now. I kiss her forehead and she move slightly. She opens her eyes. When she sees me, she grins. We sit up and go into the living room. Holding hands. Aman’s playing in his phone. When he sees us, his whole face lights up but then he pretends as if it was meant to happen.

“It’s not a big deal, bruh! I knew your dumbasses love each other and cannot live without each other. Now go eat your breakfast.” Laya laughs and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve heard. We’re together once again. We love each other. I’ve let her down before but this time, I’ll never leave her. Her heart is safe with me.

[soracities]

How society makes us perceive age is absolutely absurd and fucked up, to the point of mass psychological abuse if you ask me. Growing up I never really appreciated how much the idea of youth was pathological until I reached 24 and suddenly everyone (of every age) started making little commentaries about how much I “did not look my age”, “way younger” etc, hinting in the subtext I wasn’t in fact so young anymore. The thing is increasing exponentially with every knew birthday. I’m 28 now. Every time someone asks my age they point out how I look “younger”. The other day a 18 year old actually apologized for mistaking me for someone the same age as them and treating me like I was a girl lol All this really made me realize how much dread and pressure we condemn ourselves to suffer since a very tender age because of our fucked up youth standards. When I was 14 I thought I was a grown up and an adult. Same thing at 18. Ten years later I still feel pretty much the same, yet I just realize now how much of an infant I actually was. I’m sure I’m gonna feel the same in ten years - the same, yet more and more myself. We are actually only starting getting young, existing, in our 20s. 40 isn’t even the middle of our life. Society really must stop feeding the idea, especially to women, that life is done at 25, while life doesn’t even really starts at 25 for many people. I was one of the many who suffered with anxiety and depression since 12. I didn’t imagine to be alive to see my 18th birthday. The pressure of everyone suggesting the best of your life is now gone and lost in as little as in our 20s is not only ridiculous, but dangerous and inhumane. I guess I just wanted to say this to everyone who may need to hear it. You are still very young and you’ll always be. The soul doesn’t really age in the way everyone makes you dread. No one is gonna steal your life and being away from you. It’s all a very big lie.

one of my favourite things i keep coming back to is something john berger said somewhere that people are born within two times: biological time and conscious time, and that they aren't necessarily the same thing. equating the two as though they are the same is a massive misunderstanding of how we experience and process literally any aspect of our being alive here on earth. so yes, this is exactly it, yes, and i'm so glad you are able to move in a much healthier direction regarding all of this. it makes life so much richer and just easier in the end x

[nefastum]

Honestly re: the Griffith hate, I found myself unable to hate him. I hated Miura’s poor writing decision and excessive sexualization of SA, but not the character himself. His story is way too tragic and the way Void and Ubik took advantage of him and tricked him is heartbreaking and sad. He presents himself and the godhand as Griffith’s “family” (he uses that word in the spanish translation) when he’s alone and desperate in the dungeon and it made my blood boil. He was only 19 years old when this happened, basically still a heartbroken and dumb teenager that didn’t fully know what he was really getting into and that desperately wanted to escape his feelings and broken body because he felt they obstacled him to reach the castle and make the deaths of all the people that died for his dream worth it. Is just sad and tragic. He has done a good ammount of shitty things of course, but so has Guts (including SAing Casca) and everyone is willing to justify and forgive him just because he’s the main character, so I don’t understand people hating on randoms and sending d*eath threats just for liking lines on a paper (very pretty lines on a paper) is just obnoxious and ridiculous behavior.

Hello, love ♡ My apologies, this will be a long one. I have a lot of feelings about the overly simple “Griffith did everything wrong” angle. Dislike of him is warranted, but the telegraphing of hatred on to real life people for liking him is bizarre to me.

_______________

I agree Griffith’s character is oft relegated to an over simplified villain. The ‘bad guy does bad things because he was born bad’ trope. But, in Griffith’s case we are explicitly shown during Golden Age that is just not the case. We are introduced to a character who is struggling against medieval/monarchal class structure to assert self-worth and attain a dream that someone with his upbringing would have been barred from otherwise. He is ambitious, driven and skilled. Naturally he draws others to him that have similar aspirations of being something more than common rabble. Over time we watch him push himself further and further into things he isn’t even comfortable with, in order to achieve his goal- not just for himself but for all the men who believe in him. He says as much at the river with Casca. He deeply cares about his comrades, much to his denial, especially those who he considers closest to him. He regrets their deaths when he loses them. It’s enough to make him sacrifice his body, so that they don’t die in vain. That isn’t the action of an inhuman monster, it's the act of a young man burdened by the dream he sold to them and pressured to achieve that goal as efficiently and effortlessly as he could appear to. He could have wasted more mens lives, demanded that they fight harder for him- win ten more battles to make up the money they need. But he didn’t. He cared, maybe more than he wanted to admit. But he did. A truly selfish/heartless man would have never made that offer to Gennon, for any price. He would have found something else to barter, perhaps giving the pick of one of his own young soldiers as fodder to the lord in his place if he was able to. But, he didn't.

It took time for him to build up to the villain we know him as now. He didn’t start out that way. Possessive to an almost manic degree? Absolutely. But there is a big leap from that to massacring everyone you love. As he gets more embroiled with royal court politics, as he witnesses first hand the schemes they pull to prevent him from rising up- to kill him, he becomes more and more willing to push his morals aside for success. Not just wooing and leading on a princess, but assassinating the king's brother– or hell, getting a child killed (although that was Guts’ mistake) Eventually even killing the queen. All in the name of furthering that dream. His dream and the dreams of those he carried with him. This isn't without hesitation, though. We can see when he asks Guts if he thinks him cruel that Griffith is struggling with his choices. Once again feeling dirty in front of someone he loves, just as he did at the river with Casca. To say it was a one step process and Griffith would have done any of this were the situations different/less dire is just over simplifying the morally grey character that he is. He had tough choices to make, and with some of them he chose wrong.

When he is at his most broken down emotionally and physically, and only then, does his broken mind make sacrificing the band a possibility. Heartbroken at the loss of Guts and crushed by the fact he’d ruined his own dream in haste– not to mention horribly tortured beyond what most humans could take while still remaining sane. A behelit activates upon extreme distress, it does not mean you have already decided to throw away your loved ones. It means you've reached your limit, and Griffith had. Suddenly the voices who have been whispering into his ear through his torture, telling him that he was chosen for greatness, appear before him to nail in the notion that this was the right path all along. He is told it is the only path he can walk. After all, he’d already thrown away the lives of so many men who believed in him. How can he let the weight of carrying their deaths on his shoulders mean nothing? The Godhand convince him, the only real sin would be not carrying their memory to the finish line. And so a broken bodied young man breaks under the pressure and does the unthinkable. He gave in. It wasn’t strong. It wasn’t brave. It wasn’t right. But, it was human. He wanted to survive.

And we all know what happens after that.

For a villain as complicated as Griffith, he often does not get the depth of narrative dissection that he should. He shows us how humans are fallible. We are weak sometimes, it doesn’t make what we do in those moments right. I love Griffith because of how interesting of a character he is. He is tragic and inspiring and detestable and relatable.

And this was my essay on why the blind hatred of Griffith and his fans on the face value that he is the “bad guy” makes me sad. It is disingenuous at best. Hate him because of his choices in world, if you like. But, that hatred should not transpose onto fans who do take his entire character into consideration when choosing to like him or relate to him. D*ath threats are never acceptable. I don’t care what your opposition is into in a fictional setting. It's fiction, no matter how abhorrent.

Whew! I think that was my longest answer yet, love. My apologies for the wordiness. I have a lot of thoughts on my boy Griff. He has done a lot of fucked up stuff, certainly. But no more than is reasonable given Berserk's setting and ethics. It is dark, it is grim, and for some that is too much. If morally grey characters– of which Guts is also– are difficult to handle, perhaps a different series is in order.

I've probably missed tons of examples for and against my own argument, but I can't think anymore right now, haha ♡

[whatifsandspheres]

One of the most obvious and petty of disingenuous "coincidences" is how my mother communicates her passive aggressions and insults. Especially her choice of username is ridiculous. Nature... Right. You and my father flew almost 2,000km just to barge into my private home and disregard all my work and progress on a food forest for myself. Then you call the house yours, too? All saccharine and sly, asking for forgiveness. The moment they lost their temper with me, they had the police march into my private home and lock me in a non-prison, with no charge or sentence.

Nature, right. Like the nature I can't grow here because of all the materials and tools I've had stolen from me or damaged by the neighbors you're friends with? "Oh, no, that neighbor might be bad, but trust us, this time were sure you can trust these other neighbors." A cycle of a broken record they could repeat in their sleep but never mean. The nature I can't grow because of all the pavement around the house in the patio? The nature I have no garden planters despite trying for years to set up garden beds for feeding myself?

How about the nature of humanity to be humane? The human nature and humanity you all have exploited and mocked me for as if it's a weakness and opportunity for you to criticize and judge instead of assist alongside and strengthen. That humanity you have used against me when it's come to the stray animals you threw my way! How could I ever speak to anyone about the surreal and unbelievable facts that dying animals were tossed into my patio, on the brink of death, because they wanted to exploit my reaction. To watch me flail and attempt to save their lives. I failed once. The animals were not even of concern to these people. One dog two cats, one cat that died in my arms because it was so far gone it couldn't possibly have even made it into the patio from any side or corner before because the gate and door were still mostly functioning, and two cats now that they conveniently had broken my gate and let in. There's two cats I couldn't take in at all. I've had to practically barricade the gate to keep them out because I'm not hoarding animals, I'm trying to do the right thing. I have my limits. But that means I have a capacity. A capacity for caring these assholes and pieces of shit don't have. I'm doing more than my fair share and all they're doing is egotistically forwarding their self interest in the most inhuman series of decisions I could have ever imagined so many plainclothes civilians engaging in without it being a literal lynch mob.

I'm in a situation I have no precedent to refer or compare to anyone else who might relate and also lay side-by-side with my life in order to understand the magnitude.

It's all too little, and all too late.

Are you the judge of how much more my soul can handle? I say enough. I've had more than enough. I see all of these people and never in their lives, some twice the age of mine, having had to endure a fraction.

Get Karen's smoothie order wrong and she'll give you an example. Try to speak up for your rights and officer itchy trigger finger will throw a tantrum. My own mother will click her fingers or *psht* at a restaurant server and sum up the entire problem of homelessness as "they want to be homeless, so many are just going to buy drugs with any money you give them."

I'm an aberration. I'm a sort of anomaly.

In loving my family and wanting to do right by them, to hunt and gather out of academia and knowledge pieces which could honor them and make them greater that they are by themselves. To be greater together and autonomously. I became something else. Something so much more my own. Now they have no attachment like what they were gambling I might be to them. My siblings have their memes, I just have their genes. And they say the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. They see me as inferior, they see me as stupid. They see me as weak and gullible, exploitable. They don't value a single one of my aspirations, and achieving them would do nothing for them. I'm expendable.

Who the hell would put their children in one of those places?

Realistically, obviously, lots of people would. That's the range of humanity that pragmatically exists. Realistically, some parents would even sell their kids into slavery.

I just want me, to myself. It's not the same if others are burdening me with their excess neuroses or dysfunctions and siphoning or skimming off the top of my earnings. There's barely any of me left.

I wish it were better.

[sanguineness-wings]

Why are you running?

(read on ao3)

Pairing: Hawks x gn!Reader

Rating: SFW

Warnings: bird traits/instincts

hawks/raptors have this instinct to chase and attack if you turn your back on them, so what if you accidentally trigger it 👀

----------------------------------------------------------------

The sun was dipping low on the horizon, sending amber rays of light between the tightly packed skyscrapers. You shield your eyes from the light as you step out of the convenience store, your groceries in hand. After you take a moment for your eyes to adjust, you note a small crowd gathering just up the sidewalk from you. And from the center of it sprouts a large pair of crimson wings.

It’s a dead giveaway, those wings were plastered everywhere across the city, on billboards, on buses. There’s no escaping Hawks’ image.

As you watch on, the man himself suddenly hovers above his adoring fans, stretching out his impressive wing span leisurely. Leaving you with a perfect view of his wind tossed hair kissed with dying sunlight and a lopsided smile on his lips.

It makes your heart clench as you look on with awe. He’s so effortlessly beautiful it hurts to look at him. It’s also incredibly intimidating. How can those fans just talk to him like it’s nothing. You couldn’t even imagine.

Your staring must have caught his attention as suddenly his gaze turns and locks onto yours. You feel your stomach lurch, frozen with embarrassment. Hawks has the audacity to offer you a softer smile, making your cheeks heat up instantly.

Your brain screams at you to leave now. Your shyness urging you flee the unexpected attention. So you sharply turn your back to the crowd, and the gorgeous Pro Hero, and hurriedly make your escape.

Without consciously knowing why, you take a final glance over your shoulder. Even with Hawks’ signature visor over is eyes, you can see his pupils dilate, nearly completely blown black before constricting to tiny pin pricks in a split second. His smile has fallen from his face, leaving behind a cold blankness. A shiver runs through you and a cold sweat breaks out under your collar.

Your brain unhelpfully supplies, “Haha, I’m in danger!” Adrenaline courses through your veins and you run. A full sprint down the sidewalk in panic. It’s a ridiculous response in hindsight, but you’ve never seen such an inhuman look on Hawks’ face.

You barely make it a few feet before you feel a gust of wind behind you and suddenly your vision is nothing but red. Massive wings envelope you entirely as powerful arms lock around your waist, almost bruising in their strength. You’re dragged to your knees as the body behind you curls over your spine. You feel the prickle of stubble against your neck and jaw, hot puffs of breath against your skin. You’re utterly trapped.

All logical thoughts are thrown out the window with your heart thundering against your ribs. You don’t dare move a muscle.

An indiscernible amount of time passes before you hear a huffed laugh next to your ear, making you shudder.

“Well, isn’t this embarrassing, damn. I’m really sorry about all this. Are you alright?” Hawks says in a tight voice as he slowly releases you from his grip.

You’re shaking as you awkwardly stumble to your feet, Hawks aiding with a gentle, gloved hand on your elbow. When you finally get the courage to glance at his face, your heart does a somersault in your chest. A light blush dusts the bridge of his nose and the apples of his cheeks. He has a hand behind his head sheepishly, using the other to steady you on your jelly-like legs.

“I haven’t done something like that since I was a teenager in training,” he admits, bashfulness coloring his voice.

“…and what was that exactly?” You finally find your voice, wincing inwardly at how shaken it sounds.

“Oh you know, like…bird stuff? Well, hawk stuff? Like predator instinct?” Hawks shifts from foot to foot, looking anywhere but you.

“Like...you thought I was prey?”

“No! No, it’s not like that. Well, I mean kind of. But not really? It’s hard to explain. You turned your back and I just…couldn’t help myself. I’m really sorry. Did I hurt you at all?” Seeing this level of uncomfortableness on Hawks was so jarring from how he normally carries himself in the public eye. It was like all of his confidence was parred away. 

“I’m okay, really. Just gave me a fright, that’s all.” You’re really trying your best to sound casual, adding a weak laugh to hopefully defuse the tension.

He humors you, offering a half-hearted smile as he stoops down to gather up your groceries that you didn’t notice had spilled across the sidewalk.

"Well, if you’re sure you’re okay, I should be off. A hero’s job never stops.”

And with that he’s gone, taking off into the sky. You stand there dumbly on the sidewalk in shock for a few beats.

You then hear murmuring, whispering, and the click of photos being captured. Horrified, you realize Hawks’ fans were watching everything and recorded every second of it. You curse under your breath as you start rushing home, ignoring the growing crowd behind you. If Hawks wasn’t going to eat you alive, the internet certainly was.

---

Get it together, Hawks. What the hell was that?

The winged hero cursed at himself with gritted teeth and a furrowed brow as he shot across the sky. He shouldn’t have done that. He was trained not to do that. The Commission pushed him hard to ignore the animalistic pull to hunt and another traits they deemed unsightly or dangerous. And he had gotten good at suppressing those instincts. He passed all of their tests and drills after years of intense training. He never had a slip up since starting his Pro career.

His mind was racing as he tried to pin point what made him react like that. Did he let his guard down? Got too comfortable in the moment?

He thought of the way you trembled in his arms, immobilized with fear. The thundering of your panicked heart and the quiver of your voice. A shiver crept down his spine, making his hair and feathers stand on end. He liked it. The thrill of it all lighting up parts of his brain long neglected. 

A frustrated growl escaped his lips, lost to the roar of the wind around him. He really shouldn’t be entertaining those thoughts, even for a moment. He felt gross. 

He dug his phone from his pocket, sending a text to his PR manager. The least he could do was give them a heads up. Though pictures and videos of the whole incident were probably already circulating. His PR team had their work cut out for them, it was a seriously bad look for the hero. 

Almost immediately after he sent the text his phone buzzed angrily with replies from his team and an incoming call from the Commission. His heart sank to the pit of his stomach. It was going to be a long night.

---

The days following were a nightmarish blur of embarrassment and anxiety. Your brief brush with Hawks was plastered across every social media platform. You couldn’t escape all of the memes and GIFs. You wanted nothing more than to blink from existence.

Most people thought the whole thing was funny, even wishing it was them tackled to the sidewalk by Hawks. Your coworkers teased you mercilessly, constantly asking if you at least got his number afterwards. 

There weren’t many, but a few comments filled you with anger. They were using this to fuel for their hatred towards those with heteromorphic quirks. They claimed that this proved they were dangerous, nothing more than animals. Which, of course, was ridiculous. 

But you did your best to keep your head down and ignore the notifications on your phone. You kept reassuring yourself that this would all blow over soon. And sure enough by the end of the week the internet was distracted by “leaked” selfies of Hawks in grey sweatpants, posing in front of a bathroom mirror.

---

Hawks had just started an early morning patrol as he glided and weaved through the streets. He’d been taking on extra hours lately, finding it easier to distract himself on the job rather than staring at his bedroom ceiling. Who needed sleep anyway. If he stopped, all he could think about was you. The fear on your face. Your frantic pulse against his skin. Guilt gnawed away at him. He didn’t want to scare you, what type of hero would he be if he did. 

Instead of dwelling on the thoughts eating at him, he focused on the streets below him. It was relatively quiet, only a scattering of people going about their lives. He swooped lower, maneuvering between lamp posts just for his own entertainment. He pulled up short abruptly, nearly smacking into one of them.

His heart lurched in his chest, recognizing you immediately as you made your way down the street. He had a little mental battle with himself. Half of him wanted to talk to you, just reassure himself that you were truly okay after all this madness. The other have was telling him to leave you alone, that he’d only made it worse.

After hovering awkwardly for a few moments he made his decision. He made a show of circling ahead of you before landing, trying not to startle you. 

---

Having Hawks appear in front of you was the very last thing you expected on your walk to work. You had convinced yourself that you’d never see him again and that, even if your paths crossed, he wouldn’t want to be seen with you.

Yet here he was, with a charming smile on his face and feathers gleaming in the sun. 

You approach him cautiously, pulling out your earbuds. “Um, hi?” you start apprehensively, not sure what the hero could possibly want from you.

As you catch up to him he starts walking beside you, joining you on your commute. His wing stretches out behind you and curls around your side. Smart, you think. Even if the two of you catch someone’s eye, you were largely blocked from view.

It’s comfortably warm beneath his wing, with your shoulders brushing against each other as you walk. Your heart speeds up a little, being this close to him is a little overwhelming. Especially with the memory of him being pressed over you still fresh in your mind.

“So, I wanted to start over, if that’s alright with you. I don’t think I gave you the best first impression,” Hawks explains, his eyes fixed ahead.

“Definitely a memorable one,” you quip lightheartedly. You were more mortified by all of the unwanted attention. You knew deep down you were never in any real danger. 

Hawks snorts, making you glance at him. You watch him roll his eyes. “Not my best moment. I’m really sorry I scared you so badly. I swear I’m not going to hurt you, or anyone.”

It makes you pause as you stare at the side of his face. “I know you wouldn’t. And you didn’t even leave a mark. We can just say it was a...weird, unexpected hug. Leave it at that.”

Hawks’ gaze catches yours for a brief moment before looking away quickly, a serious look sliding onto his features. “You know that’s not what it was.”

“I know but...I’m not going to judge you for your bird stuff, or whatever it is. You’re still human. Even with the wings. We all have weird, awkward tendencies. I’m a mess of them too, and I don’t even have a Quirk. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.

“So don’t beat yourself up too much,” you say, gaining a bit of confidence the more you speak. “You’re not a monster.”

Silence stretches between the two of you, both lost in thought. You surprise yourself when you are the first to break it. 

“Besides, I thought we were starting over. I’m y/n,” you begin, nudging his shoulder with your own as you offer him a warm smile.

“I’m Hawks, but you already knew that. Say, why don’t I treat you to some coffee. There’s this great little cafe not far from here. They have these pastries that are to die for. Trust me, you’ll love it!” The hero chatters away, with you still safely tucked away under his wing.

[siminnmsis]

I’m three ounces of whoop-ass ! (Arthur x Mc)

Summary : it’s mc’s first night in the mansion and she decide to fight a particularly clever and pushy vampire using sheer panic and bad ideas.

Pairing : Arthur Conan Doyle x Mc.

note: just something quick inspired by the Arthur’s route lol I’m not writing as much as I want so leave a request if you feel like it and I’ll give it a shot!

Running, running, running.

Faster, faster, FASTER !

My footsteps and heavy breath were both echoing loudly in the empty hallway but I couldn’t care less, I had to get out of here as soon as possibe, I had to get out before the other vampires decide to chase me too, I had-

Ouch…

My heartbeat sounded so loud in my ear it took me a few minutes to regain my concentration, and when I did I wished that I would wake up to this whole thing being but a nightmare.

He caught me…unlucky me…

“by Jove, you departed as fast as a preyed rabbit, I must admit I’m impressed”

I could not even think of praying anymore, a miracle is what I needed to get me out of here. The wall against my back and his hands on my shoulders blocked every chance I had to escape; his inhuman strength only added to all the red flags appearing in my mind.

“well now little rabbit, now that the big bad wolf caught you, how will you save yourself?”

I swallowed dryly, terrified by his presence and weirdly hooked by his deep blue eyes; the heat of his body so close to mine only added to my nervousness while my ideas got foggier by the minute.

“…I…need to go.”

“Sure thing you do! How so? Now that I got you under me I’m curious to know how you’ll do”

The smirk that took over his face and his voice made him even more irritating if possible. He raised a gloved hand to brush the hair away from my shoulder, the light contact of skin against leather send shiver down my spine and as he leaned down closer to my ear I felt his breath tickle my neck, if I wasn’t absolutely tetanised of fear I would have fell to my knees.

“Now”, he said “to escape the wolf, a rabbit should learn how to howl”

Before I could bring myself to answer him, his teeth pierced my skin.

An overwhelming heat took over my body and for a minute, I thought I was burning up from the inside, but the heat left as fast as it and was replaced by a pleasant warmth and an intoxicating feeling of euphoria.

I…need…to leave…

As my body started to get accustomed to the debilitating feeling taking over me, my idea became clearer little by little.

How can a rabbit howl….he can’t….he can only pretend…

But that maybe enough for the wolf to think twice before eating him…

Maybe it was the fear, the panic clouding my judgement, or maybe even a last push of my survival instinct but before I could think about how bad of an idea it was my face was heading to the crook of his neck.

“Fair’s fair”, I thought, and I bit him as hard as I could.

The least I could say is that it threw him off considering the scream he just let out and the way he hurriedly stepped away from me. He looked at me while holding his neck, I looked at him while holding mine, and we both seemed as confused with my sudden outburst. A painfully long silence lingered before he broke it by absolutely losing it and laughing out loud. The least I could say I felt ridiculous at that moment especially since I put in quit a show but totally forgot to run away when I had the chance.

“Did you just…bite me?” he asked, incredulous but still laughing.

Am I supposed to say “yes”?!

“I…” for heaven’s sake, say something!

“MC? Sir Arthur? There you are, I finally found you”

“Sebas, old lad, don’t worry about us” Arthur said, straightening his back and walking back to the kitchen “I will quench my thirst and head to bed, good night!” and just like that, with that sing-song tone he disappeared.

“What happened?” Sebastian asked.

“I have…absolutely no idea” I answered.

[rhysismydaddy]

Casual Ruin Pt. 1 (Elriel)

Elain’s part of the Damnation Series

Hello, and welcome to an unapologetically kinky, 90% smut / 10% plot mafia fic for Elriel. 

Blanket trigger warning for ALL parts (although the first is very vanilla and sweet): this is for adults and contains both sex and violence. If you are not a fan of those two things, or the mild combination of them, scroll along. It contains things that might be triggering. It’s a dark romance.

______________________________________________________

“Wake up, dolce mia.”

The words are a soft, accented whisper pressed against my ear during the darkest part of the night, followed by sinful lips pressing a kiss to my skin that jerks me out of my sleep.

Despite the rush of heat that floods my system, I keep my eyes closed and groan, pushing his face away. My body’s exhausted, and despite wanting nothing more than to wake up and let him make me even more tired, I need sleep. 

A rough chuckle escapes him, but he’s apparently inhuman, doesn’t need sleep, and isn’t giving up this easily. 

Dodging my weak attempts to push him away, he drags his mouth down the column of my throat, stopping to suck and nibble on parts that are especially interesting.

A soft sigh escapes my lips as he finds the junction between my shoulder and throat, but I still keep my eyes closed.

The cold metal of his chain raises goosebumps as it glints down the valley between my breasts, and his mouth follows, almost like he’s unable to help it. 

He’s all over me, scent surrounding me and making it impossible to truly fall back asleep, no matter how tired I am. 

He’s put my body through every possible sexual position known to man tonight, somehow pulling every ounce of pleasure from me.

But, like always, I want more.

He’s a drug, more potent than anything on the market, and I’ve come to crave the feel of him against me in the three weeks I’ve known him.

“Wake up, bellisima,” he murmurs, rough voice like a song that ignites a fire in my blood. 

I shake my head, and he smiles against me. I regret not opening my eyes a little, because while nothing about him is unattractive, his smile is something I could never get enough of and I hate missing it.

Calloused, scared hands ghost down my body almost reverently, and then he’s kissing a trail across my ribs, over my stomach, and up to my breasts. 

His tongue swirls around the peak of one, hand coming to mold the other to his touch, and I use every ounce of willpower to say still. 

I’m proud to say I make it a full two minutes before I can’t take anymore and give in. “Fine. I’m awake.”

I say it as if it’s a struggle to be awoken by him and not the best part of my day.

My eyes open to find his, the warm hazel taking my breath away like always. 

He gives me a slow smile, coming down to press a kiss to my lips. He tugs on the lower one with his teeth, then smooths the small hurt with his tongue. 

I can’t help the small whimper that slips out as his tongue meets mine, because I’m honestly powerless to the way he kisses me. 

Slow and deep and perfectly controlled, but also possessive and a little desperate. He’s a selfish kisser; he kisses me exactly how he wants, turning my head just right, nipping my lips when he wants, only breaking when I’m breathless. 

A  palm goes to my thigh, guiding it around his trim hips, then he’s grinding against me, letting me feel him against me, hard and ready and so tempting my eyes cross. 

I resist the urge to arch up into him long enough to tease, “Egoisto bastardo.” Selfish bastard.

“Egoista,” he corrects, smirking. 

I roll my eyes, caring less about adjectives and more about the feel of his hands on my hips. I roll my hips slightly, watching as the hazel of his eyes darkens to black. 

“Was there a reason you woke me up?” I ask innocently, reaching between us and palming him in a blatant attempt to drive him half as crazy as he does me. 

He nods and pushes into my palm. My hand instinctively wraps around him, and I guide him to the apex of my thighs, running the head of him against me in a way that makes us both shudder. 

He pushes my head to the side with his chin, then runs his mouth up the column of my throat, stubble making goose bumps rise in his wake. His teeth nip at my skin before he whispers roughly, “I want to fuck you, Elain. I want to feel you around me, hear you call out my name, watch as you come on my cock. So stop teasing me and let me make give us both what we want.”

I don’t respond with words, being completely unable to find them. I just tilt my hips and slip him inside me, watching as the brown in his eyes fades to black. 

Jaw tight, he pushes into me fully, causing me to arch up into him. My legs go around his waist, and he hums in satisfaction.

He pulls out the tiniest amount, then thrusts back in harder, pulling a moan from my throat. “You feel so good,” he praises, teeth finding my earlobe and biting down softly. I moan his name, my body on fire for him, and he murmurs, “I love the way you say my name.”

He pulls out all the way, then slams back inside me so hard I feel the reverberations in my hip bones. “But I want to hear you scream it.”

My head rolls back against the mattress, and I can hardly breathe around the feel of him inside me, filling me so perfectly. Somehow I’m still not used to it, not used to how it somehow feels so right.

My breasts bounce as he works me, sensitive nipples brushing against his chest with every thrust. His head raises and his eyes drop, watching. 

“Minchia,” he curses, reaching up to palm my one roughly. “Cosi bella.”

If he keeps talking in that husky, deep voice, I won’t last another two minutes. I’m already shaking, but I push the impending release away, desperate to make this last as long as possible.

He moves faster, hands sliding down to my backside to lift me up exactly how he wants. His pelvic bone brushes against my clit every time our hips collide, and it’s almost too much. A low moan escapes me as he kisses my neck, sucking the skin hard enough to leave a mark.

His hands tighten on my ass, and then his palm is connecting with my skin with just the right amount of pressure. I cry out, arms wrapping around his shoulders as I bury my face in his neck. 

“You liked that, didn’t you?” he growls, even though it’s obvious I did.

I nod, mouth too preoccupied with kissing his jaw to reply. 

Like always, he gives me exactly what I want, using the other hand this time to spank me. The sharp sting pushes me over the edge, and I yell his name yet again as I come.

He doesn’t come with me, just releases my ass to wrap one arm around my shoulders to keep me in place as he takes his own pleasure. His hips are harsh against mine, and I know I’ll be sore tomorrow, but I take everything he gives me and want even more.

My nails rake down his back, and he mutters a curse against my lips as he kisses me. His tongue meets mine, and I can’t stop myself from sucking on it, completely lost in him. 

“Fuck, Elain,” he growls, bracing a hand on the headboard I hadn’t realized was so close. His fingers are tight on my shoulder, lips brutal against mine, thrusts so hard I’m practically screaming.

But it isn’t any of that that makes release find me again. 

It’s him groaning, “Ti senti cosi bene,” then leaning down to press the rough translation to my ear. 

I come apart entirely, and it’s a miracle his lips stifle the helpless noises I make, otherwise I’d wake up my cranky old neighbor. Again.

I tremble beneath him as his movements get a little sloppy, then still entirely. 

He kisses my again as he comes, and it’s a rough, almost bruising sort of kiss that makes me want to do it all over again. 

He eventually slows to a stop, looking down at me with enough heat in his eyes I melt. 

“Fatto per me,” he whispers, running a knuckle over the curve of my cheek. 

My sluggish brain works overtime to figure out what he said, eventually finding the translation. 

Made for me. 

~Three weeks ago~

The opera house is unsurprisingly packed, opening night drawing in over two hundred well-dressed patrons. 

I had to pull together three months rent for the ticket alone, a ridiculous expense I’d normally never allow myself, but coming here has been on my bucket list for over nine years, ever since I first heard Cecilia Bartoli on a friend’s radio. 

I pinched pennies, picked up extra shifts, and only ate Ramen for the month leading up to my trip here--a real crime, considering my profession--so I could come. 

And even though I broke out in a cold sweat from the expense of this night, I have to say it’s already worth it. I have a huge smile on my face as I make my way through the lobby, stopping to look at the program and take in the portraits of the performers. 

By the time I go to enter the auditorium, there are only a few people left in the lobby. I want to use the restroom before the show starts, so I hurry up the stairs to the upper floor to look for it.

Except it’s nowhere to be found.

I search down every hallway, the stress of missing the show forcing me to almost jog. A man in a red jacket steps into the hall right when I’m starting to despair, and he turns to me and raises a brow.

“Excuse me... where’s the restroom?” I ask in the most atrociously broken Italian he’s probably ever heard.

His eyes skate over me from head to toe, then he says something back, way too quickly for me to decipher. 

I assume he’s asking if I have a ticket, so I hold up the crumpled paper I’ve been guarding for months and smile. 

He gives me a strange look, extending an arm and gesturing for me to follow. I nod, and we start off down the corridor, stopping in front of a plain white door. 

“This is the restroom?” I ask, not understanding why it isn’t labeled or anything. 

He mumbles something I can’t hear, seems to hurry me on, then opens the door and practically shoves me inside. 

And straight into a man’s chest.

Which makes this the strangest women’s room I’ve ever ventured into. 

He steadies me with two hands on my shoulders, and somehow I know, before I even look, that this man will be devastatingly handsome.

Too curious not to, I look up. And up, and up some more.

And I realize I was both right and wrong, because the man before me is devastatingly handsome, but he’s also so much more, to the point where those words aren’t enough to describe him.

He’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.

It’s a classic sort of look, one that will never go out of style and never be considered anything but perfect.

Hazel eyes rimmed in dark black eyelashes meet mine, narrowed at the edges with amusement. His full, all too kissable lips are turned up in a smirk and surrounded by a day’s worth of stubble I know would scratch at the fingers I’m tempted to run over it. 

He’s so tall my neck starts to cramp, but I’m a deer in the headlights, unable to so much as blink. 

He’s monochromatically dressed in black, from his suit jacket, shirt, slacks, and polished shoes. We’re still pressed against each other, and the differences between us couldn’t be more obvious. 

He’s sin incarnate, the perfect picture of a fallen angel, and I’m the naiive girl dressed in lilac and unable to stop blushing. 

His dark hair slips over his forehead as he leans his face further to mine, and for a strange second, I think he’s going to kiss me, but then he takes a step back and regards me with assessing eyes.

“Stai bene?”

The sound of his voice--a cool, deep balm that soothes my nerves--throws me for a second, but even my American self can understand that simple question. I nod.

His lips twitch. “Sei sicuro?” Are you sure?

I nod again. 

“Tu parli?” Do you speak?

My eyes narrow a little at the teasing note in his voice. “Si.”

“Cosa stai facendo qui?” 

My knowledge of Italian is limited to the Duolingo I’ve been cramming in the last couple of months, so I tell him I don’t understand. 

He waves a hand around us, his eyes growing a shade darker as he prowls toward me. He says something in a low voice, the tenor in his voice giving me goosebumps. 

“It was an accident! I was looking for the restroom,” I blurt when he takes another step toward me.

He stops. Understanding dawns. A smile breaks lose that threatens my sanity with its beauty.

“You’re American,” he says in surprisingly perfect English.

It isn’t a question, but I answer anyway. “I am.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m at the opera,” I state stupidly. 

His lips tip upward, and I mentally slap myself for the dumb response. “You are. But what are you doing here?”

Oh. For the first time since I was shoved in here, I take a look around. I’m in one of the dark boxes on the upper floor of the opera house, the ones usually reserved for royalty or billionaires or people willing to spend an entire paycheck. There are two seats, a table in between them, and a perfect view of the stage from the slight balcony. 

I gasp when I realize the lights are dim, meaning the show has either started or is about to. “Have I missed anything?”

“No. Now answer the question.”

God, he’s relentless. I sigh and explain, “I was looking for the bathroom, and a very unhelpful attendant pushed me in here instead.”

He tilts his head, eyes narrowed. Like he’s trying to tell if I’m being serious or something. Honestly, who would lie about going to the bathroom?

“Listen, Mr...” I realize I don’t know his name, so I just keep talking. “I don’t know why you think I’d lie and sneak in here, but I’m not, and I didn’t. And I don’t want to miss anything, so I’ll just head down to my regular seat and get out of your hair.”

With one last look at him, I make my way to the door. Only to be stopped by a large hand shooting out and a softly murmured, “Stay.”

I start to deny that knee-weakening request, start to tell him it would be crazy to sit here alone with a stranger. But then a woman steps onto the stage, and everything changes.

“Oh my God, it’s her,” I whisper, practically shoving him out of the way as I hurry over to the balcony. 

Cecilia Bartoli’s on the stage, wearing an elaborate gown, dripping with diamonds and confidence, effortlessly belting out lyrics I’m too dazed to even try to understand.

For a moment, I’m so lost in the music I don’t notice when a warm hand lands on my elbow and guides me to the chair behind me. I sink down, eyes still trained on the stage.

I’ve listened to her on my phone or the radio for so long that it’s surreal to hear her live. 

I’m breathless by the time the song ends, and it’s when I hear a deep breath I remember I’m not alone. “Sorry. I... I’m a big fan of hers.”

He presses a button on the table I hadn’t noticed and an usher immediately brings in a fresh glass of champagne and a tumblr full of amber liquid. “No apology is necessary. I’ve never met an American fond of Italian opera; it’s refreshing to meet someone with good taste. I’m surprised you don’t speak Italian, though, given your passion.”

“You don’t have to understand what someone’s saying to understand what they’re feeling,” I point out.

He grins like I’ve said the right answer to a difficult question. “True.”

The next song starts, a backup singer effortlessly building he crowd’s energy, and my gaze is torn between the man beside me and the stage. I want to stare at him and listen to him speak in that strangely sexy voice, but I’ve also been looking forward to this show for almost a year.

“I’d like to propose a deal,” he says, surprising me.

My eyebrows quirk at the practiced way he said that, and I debate if this is a good idea. Curiosity wins in the end. “A deal?”

“I leave you alone and stop interrupting your experience, and you agree to have a drink with me after the show’s over.”

I purse my lips to give the appearance of being deep in thought. “I could always just leave and sit in my own seat.”

He nods. “You could. But you won’t.”

“Awfully confident, aren’t you?” He should be.

He smiles, hazel eyes on mine as he takes a slow sip of his drink. For some reason, my stomach ties itself in knots and my thighs press together at the look in his eyes. He smirks like he knows what happened, and says, “You don’t want to leave. In the five minutes you’ve been here, you haven’t stopped blushing. And let’s not forget the spell of speechlessness.”

I blush again, making him chuckle. 

Then I murmur, “Fine. Deal.”

He takes my hand in his, shaking once and sealing it in metaphorical stone.

“Enjoy the show.”

Cecilia starts singing again before I can respond, and I become lost once again to the vibrato of her voice.

I don’t like all opera, and I don’t like all opera singers, but there’s something about her that makes you feel every single thing she’s thinking about while singing. It’s the rawest form of art I’ve ever experienced, and it’s impossible to look away while she tells her story.

That doesn’t mean I’m not overly aware of the man next to me.

His eyes are on me the entire time mine are on the stage, acting like I’m more interesting to watch than the show he undoubtedly paid thousands of dollars to see. His gaze burns a hole into the side of my face, but I can’t be bothered to care because I just can’t believe I’m here. 

The last song before intermission concludes, leaving the audience in suspense of what happens next, and I find I’m almost breathless as I watch the curtain sweep closed dramatically. 

A condition that does the opposite of improve when the man beside me says softly, “You’re beautiful, you know.”

“You’re charming,” I say back, my skin warming like it always does with compliments. 

He grins like that’s amusing.

“What’s your name?” he asks, facing me and crossing his long legs. I do the same, leaving less than an inch between our knees.

“Elain.”

“Elain,” he repeats, drawing the syllables out in a way that makes me bite into my lower lip. 

“What’s yours?”

He tilts his head, almost in preparation, as he answers, “My name is Azriel Pacino.”

He says it with finality, like he’s a person of importance and is used to being treated accordingly. I mean, it makes sense, considering the private booth we’re sitting in and the instantaneous service the waiter brought our drinks with.

I realize something I’d pushed to the back of my mind. “Why did the man from before bring me in here? He seemed like he was nervous or late or something.”

“He was,” he chuckles. “He was supposed to bring me my companion for the evening, and he was late.”

My jaw snaps shut. “Oh. So... you’re still waiting for her, then?”

At this point, she was very rudely late, but that’s absolutely none of my business.

He tilts his head and smiles, the sight too much for me and causing me to take a long swallow of champagne. “Are you asking if I’m single, Elain?”

My mouth opens and closes a few times to his amusement, but I end up whispering, “Yes.”

“I wouldn’t be sitting here with you if I wasn’t.”

I feel a strange sense of relief, but I don’t have time to read into it before the curtains sweep back open and the lights dim, meaning the show’s about to start.

More singers are with Cecilia now, their voices joining to create a sound so moving, I have to bite my lip to hold back the tears. Which grows harder as the scenes progress, and it becomes obvious this story will end in a tragedy. 

By the end, I’m helpless. My eyes are watering, and I have a death grip on the arm of the seat I’ve all but forgotten I’m sitting in. The last song is the one that breaks the dam, and when the performers bow and the lights come back on, my cheeks are damp.

I wipe them with the backs of my hands, then stand and clap so hard my palms hurt.

Taking another large sip of champagne to calm myself, I turn back to Azriel, finding him watching me once again. I normally would feel a little guilty about completely ignoring a man for over an hour, but hey, we have a deal.

“Was it everything you thought it’d be?”

“So much more,” I answer, laughing incredulously. “I’ve wanted to see her perform for years.”

A thoughtful look crosses his face, then he stands with fluid grace I could never hope to have and extends a hand. “Come with me.”

I remember our deal. “To get a drink?”

He shakes his head but offers no other explanation, and even though it might be a bad idea, I accept it.

Azriel pulls me from the booth and leads me down the hallway I ran through earlier, and I notice the people on this floor give him a wide birth, looking at him with round eyes. 

Maybe he’s famous here or something.

I shrug it off, deciding to live in the moment as his arm goes around me and his palm lands on my waist. 

We come to a stop at an elevator I hadn’t noticed, and once inside, he presses B instead of the button for the lobby. 

I’m confused as to why until the door opens and I see a flurry of people bustling back and forth, carrying props and costumes and other important stuff. 

My eyes shoot to Azriel’s, but he stays silent, just guiding me from the lift and down a narrow hallway. 

He knocks twice on a door, then opens it and tugs me inside.

When I glance around him to see what the surprise is, I almost hit the floor.

Cecilia Bartoli sits on a plush sofa, holding a martini and looking so beautiful and classy I almost start crying all over again. 

She looks up at us and raises an eyebrow, and I’m about to... I don’t know, apologize for barging in unannounced or something, when Azriel speaks.

It’s in Italian, so I can’t be sure what he’s saying, but then he tilts his head towards me and says simply, “Elain.”

She gets to her feet and comes toward us, bypassing him to grab my shoulders and kiss my cheeks. “Buona sera, Elain.”

I take a shaky breath, half convinced I passed out and this is all some elaborate dream. “Buona sera.”

“Did you enjoy the show?” she asks in heavily accented English, smiling at me kindly. 

“Oh, my goodness, yes. It was the most moving thing I’ve ever seen. I’m a huge fan of yours. I bought my ticket and have looked forward to this for months, and it was perfect,” I babble, not able to shut up in her presence.

“Gazie.” Her eyes shoot to the man beside me, and she asks kindly, “Would you like an autograph, dear?”

My mouth drops open, because I have to be dreaming. “I don’t want to trouble you.”

She waves a hand, grabs a program from tonight off the dressing table nearest us, and signs, “Elain, It was lovely to meet you. Cecilia.” 

Then she hands it to me, not possibly knowing how much it means, and says, “Come back anytime.”

I nod overzealously, too stunned by the events that have gone down in the last ten minutes to say anything witty besides, “Thank you so much. It was so wonderful to meet you.”

She kisses my cheeks again, nods to Azriel, then moves back toward the couch. He says something else that has her rolling her eyes, but he pulls me from the room before I can try and decipher it. 

As soon as it shuts behind us, I turn and smack his shoulder. 

He looks adorably confused, but I’m on an adrenaline high and don’t stop to appreciate the expression.

“I cannot believe you didn’t tell me you know her! Or that that’s where you were taking me! I could’ve... I don’t know, fixed my hair or something!”

Smiling, he smooths a hand over the slightly curled locks resting on my shoulder and shakes his head. “She’s an old friend of mine. It’s why I came. And you look perfect.”

I ignore the tingly sensation that statement gives me. “You’re friends with Cecilia Bartoli.” 

I say it as a statement, but it still sounds ridiculous. 

He shrugs. Shrugs. 

I shake my head in bewilderment, not knowing what else to do, and he chuckles. “Come with me”

I do.

He leads me upstairs and outside, then down the Sicilian streets until we find a beautiful, quiet bar close to where I’m staying. It’s candlelit and romantic and this entire night sounds like a fairytale. 

We take one of the many abandoned booths and order, then he leans back, drapes a long arm over the back of the booth, and looks at me like he’s content to do just that all night long. 

“Why are you in Sicily?” he finally asks as our drinks are being set in front of us.

I take a sip of wine and respond, “I start at the Culinary Institute on Monday.”

Two days from now, and I could hardly freaking wait.

“You must be a talented chef, then. That’s one of the most prestigious schools in the world.”

“I guess. What about you?” I ask, desperate to talk about him instead of me. “What do you do for a living?”

He pauses, takes a drink. “I’m in security.”

That would explain the fact he could blend in at a boxing match or a board meeting. 

“How is your English so good, by the way?”

Another pause, this one longer than the one before. “I lived in Chicago for a while.” I’m about to ask why he moved, or maybe why his expression got darker when I asked him that when he beats me to it. “How long does the program last?”

It’s my turn to pause and stall with a sip. “Just the summer.”

He nods, taking that in stride, even though it feels much more dramatic to me. Of course I’d meet someone handsome and kind and interesting when I’m only in town for three months, two weeks, and six days. 

Suddenly, I’m worried he won’t want to continue this date, knowing it’s all but pointless, considering I’m not here permanently.

“Stop thinking what you’re thinking, Elain.”

I look back up to find him studying me, hazel eyes serious. “You don’t know what I’m thinking.”

He reaches over and taps my bottom lip. “I know you’re frowning. And you’re beautiful when you frown, caro, but I much prefer your smile. So stop worrying about it and just enjoy the moment.”

“Okay,” I agree, vowing to do exactly that.

“Okay,” he parrots, taking another sip of his drink and tilting his head. “Why Cecilia Bartoli?”

I take a deep breath and try to think about how to phrase this. “My mom died when I was younger, and I lost my dad when I was fifteen. It hit me hard, and I couldn’t find the will to live, much less smile. And then one day, I was sitting outside the restaurant I was waitressing at, and our chef played a song by her.”

“And it was just... one of those life changing moments I’ll never forget. Her music got me through the hardest part of my life, and I’ve grown to appreciate it even more over the years.”

He smiles sadly. “Thank you for telling me that.”

I shrug, once again a little uncomfortable. “You’re easy to talk to.”

“So are you. I want to get to know you.”

We spend the next to hours talking.

We talk until the place is empty and I’m sure the owner is ruing the day we were born, but I can’t bring myself to stop. His dry commentary makes me laugh, his occasional smile makes my knees weak, and the way he looks at me like I’m the only woman in the world makes my heart pound.

The music is still playing, even though the bartender is nowhere to be found, and since I’ve had pretty much the best night of my life and am just tipsy enough to be bold, I stand and offer my hand. 

“Dance with me, please.”

His lips twitch, even as he says, “I don’t dance.”

I frown, and his eyes narrow. “Well, if you want me smiling and happy, I suggest you change your policy.”

He snorts but gives in, sliding from the booth and taking me in his arms gently. One of his palms is cradling mine, the other is on the dip of my spine, and for a moment, we simply sway to the crackly sounds coming from the old stereo.

We dance through the tables, and he turns out to be much better than I expected, twirling me and leading me effortlessly. Or maybe that’s just him. 

He’s obviously a born leader, someone who’s always in control, and it’s refreshing to be with someone confident but not overbearing. 

My head rests against his chest, and the steady beat of his heart soothes an ache in my soul I never realized I had. “You smell good,” I tell him, very matter-of-factly.

It’s a weird thing to say, but I kind of can’t help it. 

He smells like smoke and spices, the combination so addictive it’s all I can think about as we move together. 

The hand on my back moves to the back of my head, and it quickly shifts from dancing to being held in his arms. We’re still swaying, but it’s more of a hug, both of us simply enjoying the feeling of the other against us. 

His hand glides through my hair, and it feels so good I close my eyes. 

I try telling myself I’ve known him a handful of hours, but it’s no good. He’s somehow transitioned from a stranger to someone I’ve known for years, someone I’m comfortable around. 

So when he pulls back and mumbles, “I want to kiss you,” against my ear, I let him.

And when he walks me to the townhouse I’m renting, kisses me slowly, and gives me a business card with his number on it, I promise to call. 

____________________________

Part 2

@perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @a-bit-of-a-cactus @elriel4life @girl-who-reads-the-books @shinya-hiiragi @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @highqueenofelfhame @ireallyshouldsleeprn @rowaelinismyotp @nahthanks @ghostlyrose2 @lovemollywho @inardour @tillyrubes10 @claralady @tswaney17 @rowanisahunk @superspiritfestival @thegoddessofyou @awesomelena555 @booksofthemoon @greerlunna @jlinez @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @maastrash @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace @elorcan-trash @emikadreams @swankii-art-teacher @biggestwingspan-az

[thesandwichenthusiast]

The Kosher Nosh / Glen Rock, NJ

Hello, fellow enthusiasts.

It’s been a while. Three years, in fact. My last post was about the Stage Door Deli in the Financial District waaay back in those halcyon days of 2019. I did get a hot pastrami sandwich for Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day in January 2020, but if I’m being honest with you, it wasn’t very good! And I’d rather miss a year of HPSD than post something I wasn’t actually enthusiastic about, so I didn’t post it. Trust me, you didn’t miss much.

Since then… well, you’ve been on Planet Earth, I don’t need to tell you what’s happened. It was (understandably) a touch hard to get a table anywhere in January 2021, so we went without a post a second year in a row. The 24 months following that subpar hot pastrami sandwich in 2020 have been… a lot! There’s really no other way to say it—these last two years have been the most intense of my life. On top of the pandemic, I’ve had health scares, terrible losses, and made life-changing financial and medical decisions. I released a book, transitioned to a new stage of my career, and have a new baby on the way. (I know! I can’t believe it either.)

Through managing all of it, I feel a bit like I lost touch with a part of myself. Don’t worry, I’m not kicking myself over it; there were an abundance of justifiable reasons to put that part of myself on the backburner. Looking back on the past two years now, in a period of my life that at least feels like I’m coming out of it, one thing I’m struck with is how gradually it happened. At no point did I say, “OK, today’s the day I stop grilling all the time, or hosting parties, or organizing online game nights.” It just happened.

I lost touch with my enthusiasm.

So what does this have to do with Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day? Well first off, permit an Elder Millennial to wax on his outdated blogging platform, please. But secondly, I can’t think of a better way to tap back into that part of myself than consuming an inhuman pile of warm, tenderly-brined meat slathered with hot brown mustard and lovingly heaved upon a slice of rye, with another atop it. In my mind, there’s nothing that comes as close to approximating a hug in sandwich form as a hot pastrami sandwich, and there’s no better way to get back in touch with yourself than diving back into an old tradition—even one you made up and don’t do for anyone but yourself.

So friends, with all that said, I’d like to formally welcome you to Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day 2022.

Where are we? We went west, young man, all the way across the Hudson to the Kosher Nosh in Glen Rock, NJ. Since 1976, this everything-you-need-nothing-you-don’t Jewish deli has been serving up kosher classics to local folks. Light on the fanfare, heavy on the tastiness.

What are we getting? Hot pastrami sandwiches, of course. This year, I kept it simple with pastrami on rye and a bit of mustard, with coleslaw, a pickle, and potato chips on the side.

How was it? See for yourself:

It was exceptional. Finely cut, tender, moist, and just the right amount of saltiness. While Katz’s ridiculously thick-cut pastrami remains my favorite (I like it thick, what can I say), this has easily catapulted itself into second place. Truly just a wonderful sandwich.

Should we go back? Definitely, especially if you’re in the area and want to get lunch with me. Great vibe and old-school ambience:

All in all, The Kosher Nosh is a top-flight kosher deli. The pastrami was tasty, the service prompt, the dining room kind and welcoming. Can’t ask for anything more on a cold day in January.

[weirdthinkingdragon]

Permanent Guest

Animal shapeshifter au. Warnings of blood, injuries, animal harm, animal death, drugging. A slow start.  

I’m going to be honest, I don’t even really know what this story is. 

The back of my house has a rather large forest area. There’s no other house near mine for a decent ways. Walking at dusk is the best with the sun coming through the trees. My only annoyance is the hunters that like to be around my home.

 I’ve tried getting them to stay away, but there’s nothing that could be done since they’re right outside my borders, so it’s fully legal. The far-off gunshots get unsettling sometimes and even spook my cat. I’ve gotten a few deep scratches from them being startled at the sound. 

I’m going through my familiar path again. I’ve done this same path so many times it would be possible to walk with my eyes closed. Obviously, that would be a stupid idea though with all the wild animals around.  

Far off in the distance, I heard frequent shuffling, like something was desperately trying to get away from something else but can’t. My mind immediately went to the idea that it could be a poor animal caught in some type of trap by the hunters. Walking up towards the noise, the familiar sight of a fox was seen. It has its paw stuck in something. As I got closer, it didn’t take long for the fox to notice my presence. They backed away and ducked down with their ears back. What I saw made me want to hurt those damn hunters. It was a steel-jaw trap. Its paw was bleeding pretty badly. They have been struggling for a while already. I was in a state of panic about what to do. I could just open the trap, but judging by the injury, they’re going to need some help since it’s a deep wound. They’ll most likely run if I just open it though. 

That’s just the chance that will have to be taken. I walk over and it drops down as far as it could to the ground. I instinctively put my hands up and get really close. The trap and the fox were within arm’s reach if I bent down. “It’s alright, I’m not going to hurt you. I want to help before someone that will hurt you does come,” At this point I’m wondering why I’m trying to talk to it. There’s no way it can understand me. I’ve never seen such a blond-colored fox either before. That’s rather odd. The fox seems to perk up a little bit, but still cautious. “Now, I’m going to open the trap, but please don’t run.” 

I push the springs on the side of the trap to make it open. The fox quickly pulls its paw out and takes a few steps back without using the injured front paw. They locked eyes with me, but it wasn’t  kept long as I looked back at the trap. “Why are they using an illegal item? These things are so inhumane…” I mumble. A lightbulb goes off in my head. This can possibly be used to make them stop hunting around my home! 

Another sudden thought popped into my head though. If I take the trap, they can possibly frame me for having them and trying to get the hunters to stay away from my home. Am I thinking too far into it? Probably. Should I take my chances? Better not. One of the fox’s ears flicked backwards as they looked further from the way I came from. It immediately went towards that direction, but looked back towards me, almost like it wants me to follow. Is that really a smart decision? I stood there, unsure whether to follow or just go back home. It kept waiting for me to come with. 

“My house is the other way, come with me and I’ll try to patch you up.” It didn’t come closer. “What could possibly be taking your attention that way?” I question, which is once again ridiculous since it can’t answer. I heave a sigh and start to follow. 

Not too far ahead was another trap, but there was something else stuck in it. A… cat?... To be fair, the cat is really big, even for a Maine Coon. But what in the world is a cat doing so far in the woods? 

The fox went right up to the cat, making the cat look at it, then at me. The cat has a glare that was far from just unsettling. Unlike the fox, both of its front paws were stuck in the trap. I did the same thing with the trap from before. It immediately tried to take off, but fell. I pick it up and start walking towards my house. He quickly tried to be let free by repeatedly biting and scratching my arms, and even trying to go for my face. It was a struggle, and him being such a large cat really doesn’t help. He kept hissing, growling, clawing, writhing, biting, everything to get me to drop him. I was getting multiple wounds from his struggles. 

“Can you stop struggling!? I’m trying to help, damn it! You’re lucky I’m just as stubborn to not leave you out here to die.” I hissed. Almost like he could understand, he quickly lowers his struggles. Looking to my right side, the fox was still following closely, keeping their injured paw from touching the ground. 

My arms started getting tired when we finally reached my home. I enter and place the still bleeding cat on the toilet seat in my bathroom. I grab a towel and get it wet with warm water. He still wouldn’t stop locking his glare on me as I wipe his arms. The fox let out a little bark at the cat, making him stop glaring. 

“So that’s why you made me follow? You were worried about your friend?” I smack my forehead. “Why do I keep talking like this? They obviously can’t understand me,” I get an old shirt and cut it to wrap around the wounds. “Hopefully that’s not too tight.” I then sit on the floor in front of the fox. He’s a lot more friendly and open to me than the cat is, and even put his paw forward for me. It didn’t take long to clean him with another clean rag and wrap his wound as well. Luckily, I was able to get to them before permanent damage was done. Well, it might still scar though. I then pour peroxide on my cuts and bandage the few that were deeper than the others. 

I bring them to my couch in the living room. They keep staring at me as the silence stays. After a minute, I let out a frustrated groan. “Ugh, what now? I could get in so much trouble keeping a wild fox,” I look at the cat. “You’d be fine, but it’s easy to tell you don’t want to be near me. How did you even get here anyways? The only people around are hunters, and they’ve shot my cats before, so you definitely don’t belong to them,” they just keep looking at me. I sigh in frustration again. “You two will just have to stay inside for a few days. After that, you’re both on your own. Judging that you’re close, at least you’ll be together.” 

Looking out my window, the sun is down now. “I’ll give two days max until a hunter will be pounding on my door.” I decided to make dinner for myself and my “guests”. They oddly preferred the meat cooked. My orange tabby, Nacho, didn’t care at all and ate both whenever I gave it to them. 

After that, I sat on the couch with the now three animals. Nacho in my lap, and the other two cuddling up in a way that’s adorable. They’re incredibly well-behaved for wild animals. They have to belong to someone or something. I rub one of my wrapped cuts from the cat while watching the comedy show that’s on. It’s going to be sore for a while. Fur suddenly rubs against the wrapped wound. It’s a rather deep one the cat got onto my forearm. I look over to see the black cat looking at me, almost in an apologetic way. I gently rub his head for a second. Surprisingly, he lets me. “It’s alright. You were in a panic. Just… try not to do it again, alright?” I asked in a joking manner. 

I went to bed not long after. In the morning, the sun went right onto my face. I get up to check on the two sooner than later. What I saw in the living room made me freeze and nearly scream. My hands quickly cover my mouth before a noise comes out and wakes them. Who exactly? The two naked men on my couch. Waking them wouldn’t go well for anyone, especially startling them awake. There was no sight of the fox and cat. The cloth I used on their wounds are on the floor next to the men. What really caught my attention looking at the two men was the wounds on their arms in similar places the cat and fox did. 

My mind is flabbergasted as it made the connection the only way this could be is if these two ARE the fox and cat, but that couldn’t be possible! The odd ears on their heads and tails that match the animals as well say otherwise. 

I have to force myself to not to look at their lower places. Luckily, it’s easier with the blond laying on the black-haired one. The blond wakes up as I start to walk backwards out of the room. He turns and we lock eyes, both freezing in our spots. 

The awkward silence between our stares was deafening. “You two have some explaining to do when he wakes.” I whisper. 

“No need to wait.” Replied the black-haired male as his eyes opened to look at me. The blond goes to sit up. 

“Waitwaitwaitwait! Don’t get up! I- I need to get you guys towels or something!” They look at me confused. Don’t tell me they’re used to being naked... I get towels and come back to them sitting up straight on the couch. I toss the towels at them with the feeling of heat rapidly growing on my face. They at least did cover their laps with the towels. 

“So, first question, where are you two from?” 

“We live just a few miles away actually! As to what we were doing around here? We were testin’ our animal forms!” 

I nodded. “That explains why you’re around here, but why didn’t you guys transform back to unlatch the traps yourselves?” 

“We can’t change to our other form when we’re under emotional distress. It’s the same way we’re not as fully logical either. Our animal form has more of our instincts that control than our regular mind.” The blond elbows the other. 

He glares at the blond before looking back at me. “Sorry again for injuring you.” 

I shrug. “Eh, once again, it wasn’t really your fault. Anyways, what will you guys do now?” I ask. 

“After you went to bed last night, we decided we’ll stay a few days if you’re beautiful self is fine with it. We were actually going to show ya our human side today, but uh… guess we must have changed back in our sleep!” he lets out a little laugh. 

“What would staying at my home do? I’m sure I could just drive you back to your home or something.” 

“We want to repay ya for saving our behinds from being killed!” 

“He wants to. Unfortunately for the both of us, it’s impossible to change his mind.” He crosses his arms as he looks at the blond.

“C’mon, Sho! Ya don’t have to be such a downer about it!” 

Sho?... Is that his name? “Oh! And could I get your guys’ names?”

“Of course! Mine is Hizashi! His name is Shouta! What’s yours, our beautiful savior!?” 

I look at him weirdly. “Savior? You can quit with that now, I get it. My name is Y/N.” 

Hizashi shakes his head with a big smile. “Nope, not gonna stop! And what a great name for such a beautiful person!” 

“I’d like to get back to our home sooner than later. Zashi, how about we share our numbers and have them drive us home for now?” Hizashi’s reply was a somehow bigger smile and frantic nod. Before we could do anything else, there was an aggressive pounding on my door. I already have a good idea to whom it might be, and I start to worry. Hizashi looks at me with worry himself. 

“Wrap the towels around yourselves and try to hide your animal details,” I walk over to the door to open it. In the corner of my eye the two of them try to wrap the towel around them, but Hizashi has trouble with his extra large and fluffy tail. Shouta was able to manage hiding it within the towel. Looking back at the door, it was the most problematic hunter around my home. Of COURSE it would be him. Oh why fate did it have to be his traps!? 

He’s definitely not happy either. Right after opening the door, he forces his way into my house. This isn’t the first time he’s done this. I quickly go over and sit next to Hizashi, almost accidentally sitting on his tail in the process. His ears are still up, but it almost looks like they’re ears on a headband, so hopefully Dabi doesn’t notice. Shouta’s ears pretty much just look like he has an odd hair style. He looks at the two guys with me, then back at me with a hint of disgust, but mostly anger and annoyance. 

“I don’t appreciate you setting the damn animals in my traps free. Those fuckers have been coming around my home and killing my chickens.” Oh, gee! That’s SO bad. Seriously, I feel bad for the chickens, but I don’t feel a smidge bad for the man, especially now after he stooped to such a low to such inhumane traps. 

“And you’re using illegal traps because?...” I pressure him for answers. 

“Because I don’t care, and I want the pests to suffer.” I could feel Hizashi’s tail bristle with anger behind me. I was pretty angry with him myself. “You’re lucky I don’t call security about your illegal act.” 

“Does it look like I care? They won’t believe you anyways. Same goes for your “friends”. They know you don’t like me around your property, and it would be easy to pin the blame on you for owning them.”

“You’re a horrible person! Your way of hunting is one I can never dig!” Hizashi pretty much growls. 

“Did I ever ask for your opinion? I don’t think I did, nor do I care,” He looks at me with a harsh glare. “Don’t think of messing with my traps again,” He turns around and goes to leave. “Also, you better watch your back. You’ve messed with the wrong hunter.” He finishes and leaves. 

The three of us look at each other. 

“O...kay… that just happened.”

“We’re staying for a few days,” Shouta suddenly proclaims. Hizashi and I look at him incredulously. His brows furrow. “That man doesn’t seem like he was kidding. It might be better for you to not be alone with him around.”

He has a point, but Dabi hasn’t caused anything to harm me before. Then again, I haven’t touched his traps before. I don’t really want to keep two strange men- er- whatever they are, in my place for long. 

“I’ll be fine. His threat was most likely empty. He can’t do anything drastic anyways.”  

“I don’t know, he seemed pretty serious.” Hizashi was with Shouta on this, I can tell. 

“If you’re so worried about it, I’ll get both your numbers and call if something happens.” They look at each other for a minute, then back to me. 

“How about this, we stay for just a day, then you drop us off at our home, and you spend the night a few days after, just to make sure?” 

I wasn’t too keen on going to their house from barely knowing them. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t really feel comfortable going to a stranger’s- two strangers’ house, you know?” 

Hizashi nods in understanding. “Hmm... Oh! How about you come over for dinner in a week or something then? THAT could be our thanks for saving us?” 

That doesn’t really do anything if they’re still going to stay for a day...  Screw it. “That will work I guess,” Hizashi gets a big smile on his face again and lunges towards me in a hug. 

.

.

.

.

His towel fell in the process of him standing up. A naked man is hugging me. Back up dude! This is beyond weird. “But could we go to your place to get clothes or something? I’m rather uncomfortable with you guys naked in my house.” Hizashi stops hugging me to look down. “Oops!” He grabs the towel. There’s a light tinge of red that spread across his face. “Sorry about that!” Sorry doesn’t excuse the sheer awkwardness I’m feeling now. 

“That seems doable if it makes you that uncomfortable.” Shouta replies. 

“Come on then.” I say, and go to grab my keys. Hizashi sits up front with me while Shouta sits in the center in the back. It didn’t take long to get to their house, which was a rather massive log cabin. “How did you guys manage to get such a house!? More importantly, how did I not know this was so close to mine!?” 

Hizashi laughs as we get up to the entrance of it. “Impressed?” 

“Honestly? Yeah.”

“Well, it just so happens to be easy with owning two flourishing businesses with the help of a few great friends!” 

I blink owlishly at them. “How in the world are you smart enough for businesses but get stuck in-” 

“Let’s not talk about that. We’re still pretty new to the countryside, ya dig? I’m much more of a city kitty, but Sho wanted to try the country. We stay together so I decided it wouldn’t hurt to try! Let me tell ya though, these bugs here are a nightmare!”

Shouta crouches down and grabs a key that was under a cat statue. The cat was sitting straight with its tail curled around its front paws, and was a light grayish color. The fur of it was long, wavy, and beautifully intricate. Definitely a better spot than many other home’s hidden key spots since there are a ton of other animal statues in the yard, and it's not the closest to the door.  

He unlocked the door and the three of us entered. Their house is really tidy, and rather plain. Not many pictures in the living room. The floor is a light gray carpet and it has black furniture. A large corner couch with a loveseat next to it a bit farther up, closer to the flat screen. It didn’t take long for the two to come back fully clothed. 

“So, what should we do?” I ask. 

“You could show us that area you found us. The area is rather nice.” Shouta replies. I’m a bit perplexed at their decision. “You sure? You both could have died.” I reminded them. 

“Oh, trust us, we’re definitely NEVER being in animal form around here again.” Hizashi informs. 

We walked my path. There were no traps this time. I got to learn a lot about the two of them. They’re not so bad. “When do you guys need to be back for your companies? Shouldn’t you both be in touch in case something happens?” I question. 

“This is our vacation time! Just to be on the safe side though we told them to call if it’s an extreme emergency, like if the building went on fire.” I nodded. 

We get back to my place, and I pet my cat while sitting on the couch. Shouta looks in wonder. “Is something wrong?” I ask him.

“He’s wondering what you’re doing to your cat. You did the same thing to him, and he liked it.” Shouta glares at Hizashi for calling him out. 

“Do you mean to pet? You’ve never done or seen something be pet?” I question. 

“Pet? That’s what it’s called? But that’s what the animals are called, aren’t they?.” Once again, I'm flabbergasted by what they do know and what they don’t know. 

“How do you guys not know this?” I question. Hizashi shrugs. “Eh, with our “odd traits” as you guys call them, it got pretty hard to stay in school and hold down a job. We didn’t really have internet for a while, so we couldn’t look this up. Some people dipped from our looks as soon as they came for an interview, but others stayed and work pretty well!” 

“Well, I’m glad you guys are doing great on your own!”

Hizashi nods in agreement.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The week went by rather quickly after that night. They got rather touchy fast. I tend to think it might be their animal side so I don’t question it. Dabi hasn’t done anything. There haven’t even been any new traps. At least from what I could see. Thinking about it, that does seem a little suspicious though. 

I was walking on my path again and got a call from Hizashi. It’s still surprising how well reception is around here. “What’s up you two?” 

“Yo, Y/N! We’re already missin’ ya greatly! We were wondering if you could come over for dinner and movies tonight!” Already? It’s only been a few days since we last saw each other. I might as well get it over with now. I’m kind of torn whether to just leave them alone after or keep hanging out with them.

I stop walking, and go to reply. “That sounds g-” 

“Chink” Something slams onto my leg, making me stop mid-sentence and hiss out in pain. Immediately Hizashi was worried. “Y/N!? What was that sound!? Are you okay!?” 

It was one of those damn traps. So much for not seeing any. I look around my leg and check to make sure nothing is too damaged. I know to stay calm and not move my leg to prevent punctures. It’s not numb either, but it’s going to leave one hell of a bruise. “Yeah, just got caught in a trap.” I reply, and start to try opening it. This one is in much worse shape than the others were with Hizashi and Shouta. Mostly with the rust around it. I’m glad it got me instead of them, or they would have had to of been brought to the vet. That wouldn’t have gone well.

“WHAT!!?” He shrieks once what I said processed through his mind, catching the attention of Shouta when he asks something incoherent in the background. “Shit… Hate to bother you guys, but do you have a crowbar or something similar by chance? This one is rather rusted and I can’t get it open. It didn’t puncture thankfully though, so no worries there.” 

There was really rapid shuffling over the phone. “C’mon Sho, we gotta save our babe! We’ll be right there!” Our... Babe...? He hung up.

It would be stupid to keep moving my leg. The only thing that could be done is stand still and wait. To pass the time, I look around trying to find if there might be another one. I think I can see one a ways to the left of me.

The wait hardly took any time at all with two familiar men barreling from the bushes in front of me, almost crashing into me in the process. “Calm down you two! It’s not that serious!” They’re breathing heavily as they look at me. Shouta’s holding the crowbar tight enough for his hands to shake. I grab Hizashi’s shoulders and make him look at me again. He calms down incredibly quickly. It might help since he notices I’m not bleeding. The same thing for Shouta. I lean down and forcefully push down the springs again. “Put it between the jaws by my leg and pry it open.” 

Shouta does, and it cries in protest to be opened. He’s able to open it just enough for me to slide my foot out. They both wrap an arm around my back like my leg was broken and I needed help standing. It wasn’t nearly that bad. “You guys are seriously overreacting.” I comment. They keep looking at my leg. “It’s just to be on the safe side. Let us help you now.” Shouta says. 

“I can’t believe he hurt you.” Hizashi says angrily. I try to dissuade them from doing anything drastic. “No, it’s my fault for not being more cautious.” 

“Don’t be trying to justify his actions. He WILL face consequences for this.” Shouta growls. Hizashi gets happy suddenly. “Hey! We can walk you to our place for the night! We already just put the food in the oven!” That slightly seems to calm Shouta as he nods in confirmation. 

I laugh at his optimism. “Sure sounds like a plan! What movies are you guys thinking?” I ask as we walk. Taking one step forward with the leg that was caught, I’m actually thankful they’re helping me since the bruising pain nearly made me fall. They hold me slightly tighter.

“What’s your favorite movie? Hopefully we have it.” Hizashi says. I look at him with a smirk. “What, trying to impress me or something?” 

He replies with a smirk back. “That’s for you to decide~” I roll my eyes at him. Shouta grew a small smile as I purposefully leaned more of my weight on Hizashi. “SUCH a charmer.” 

“You know it babe!” 

Footsteps of someone else came stomping towards us. They picked up on it quickly with Hizashi’s ears twitching. “I thought I told you not to mess with my traps.” Came the all too familiar voice of Dabi. I’ve never heard him so angry before. I tug on the two to turn me around. They did. But weren’t happy about it if anything their frowns go by. I felt their tails wrap around my lower back. “Oh, I’m SO sorry for accidentally stepping into one of your damn traps! You know I always take this route!” 

“I’ve been here longer than you. You should know your damn place.” I was angry now. “MY place!? Who’s the one using illegal traps? Who’s the one nearly trespassing on someone’s property? Who’s the one hunting animals when it’s not even the season!? Who’s the one who keeps killing my animals? No wonder the previous person moved out! They didn’t want to deal with you, you sad excuse for a hunter! You give hunters a bad name!” 

“Tch, that’s fine by me. They’re just animals. Be lucky I’m not one to hunt stupid people. Same with your damn freak bodyguards. Did you have to kiss their asses just for them to want to be around you?” He looks at Hizashi’s still twitching ears. “And what’s with keeping that disgusting bullshit? Are you wanting to be hunted or something?” 

He was about to continue with more than likely another insult, but Hizashi straight up decks him in the face. Miraculously, it didn’t knock him out. He went to try to hit Hizashi back, but Shouta stepped in instead and Hizashi wrapped his other arm around me for more balance. The two share a quick look. Shouta dodges a hit that Dabi tries to throw.  Shouta sees something that makes him grow a giant smile, it feels like a rather sadistic smile. I can swear he sees the trap.

Hizashi puts his tail around me again and turns me around back towards the direction of their house. There was sounds of a struggle behind me, but Hizashi wouldn’t let me turn around to look. “Don’t worry too much about Sho, he’ll be fine! He’s just showin’ that dude a hard time.” 

“If you say so…” I reply, unsure from the face he had earlier. There was the faint familiar sound of a trap closing as we were a ways away. It didn’t take long for Shouta to catch up. “He can handle the suffering animals have gone through. He can open it himself if he’s desperate enough.” I was horrified. Yeah, he kinda deserves it, but he doesn’t have anything to pry it open if he can’t do it himself. 

“Don’t think too much about it! It’s just a little payback. Like ya said, he shouldn't have those in the first place!” 

“True, but-” 

“Don’t think about it.” Shouta cuts in, bringing his arm around me again. In my distracted state, I didn’t notice their log cabin until it was up close. We enter the house which has the smell of one of my favorite foods wafting through it. They set me down on the loveseat.

I pull my pant leg up to show a massive bruise already forming where my leg was caught. “That’s going to need a lot of ice.” I joke. Neither of them laugh. They go to leave the room, probably to the kitchen. I go to stand up. “I can’t just sit idle in the living room, at least let me come into the kitchen with you two.” 

Shouta glares and comes close to me. “No. We’ll get you ice and the food we made.” 

That’s rather odd. “Why shouldn’t we just eat in the kitchen?” They stayed quiet as they share a glance. I didn’t get even an inch farther from the couch before Shouta grabs both my shoulders and pushes me to sit on the couch. “Sit.” His harsh tone scares me into complying. I’m feeling more and more like something is wrong with these two.

Hizashi immediately picks up on my expression. “Aw, don’t worry about him! He’s just worried, ya know? We were stuck in those darn things and Sho doesn’t want you to push yourself.” My eyes go to the giant scabs on their arms. Well,  the one of Hizashi’s and both of Shouta’s, I guess that’s a pretty traumatizing thing. The scratches and bite marks still healing on me are proof too. He still doesn’t like looking at them. 

They go to the kitchen, and come back rather quick with three plates and an ice pack. It’s one of those really nice ones that can wrap with Velcro. Hizashi wraps it around my leg as Shouta passes me my food. Hizashi then grabs a big CD case and gives it to me. Flipping through it, it has many of my favorite movies. I smile at them. “Man, you two got good taste.” 

Hizashi lets out a mock gasp of joy. “We have acceptance of the magnificent audience!” 

I look at Shouta questioningly. “Is he always like this?” He nods. Hizashi pouts. “Yo, I’m still right here ya know!” 

I pretend not to notice, but the giant smile on my face gives it away. “Hm? Did you hear something?” Shouta replies by making his eyes look the other way. Hizashi leans on me. “Y/N!!! Don’t ignore meeee!” I reach over and aggressively rub the top of his head. It nearly makes my plate fall to the floor. Shouta catches it in a rather rushed manner. Guess it would be a pretty annoying mess to clean up. “Oops… Sorry, guess I got carried away…” 

They almost seem to have relieved facial expressions from it not dropping. “At least you’re havin’ fun! That’s what it’s all about! Now, let’s pop your favorite movie in!” I hand him the CD of my choice. He plops down on my right as it plays. Shouta does the same on my left. The ads before the movie can play start. 

Within the first bite, something seems off. I just… am I getting sick or something? I don’t remember it tasting like this. “Did you guys put something in this? It tastes different.” 

“Sorry about that! It does taste a little funny, huh? It was a new spice I wanted to try adding for more flavor. Safe to say I’m not doing that again!” 

It didn’t take us long to finish and focus more on the movie. Shouta lays down with his head on my left leg. “Pet me.” I hesitate. It’s rather weird to be petting a human. Or… Something so similar to a human. Hizashi lays on my right leg. 

“C’mon, don’t make us beg for it now! We want you to!” I did start petting their heads. Still weird though. Okay, maybe after tonight, I really should cut contact with them. I don’t think I can do the commitment of petting them like this often.

… Why am I suddenly feeling so tired? My hands get a bit more sluggish as the drowsiness gets worse. It’s getting hard to keep my eyes open. Looking around, I notice a few boxes that were attempted to be hidden by Shouta’s side of the couch. “You guys are getting ready to leave already?” I question, voice slightly slurring. 

Shouta sighs, “Yeah, something came up. We’re leaving tomorrow.” I was slightly saddened, yet greatly relieved by the news. “Well, I’m definitely going to miss you guys.” 

“Sorry little love song, but you’re coming with us!” 

“Zashi!” 

“What? We might as well tell them.” 

… What? Panic settles in rapidly. Shouta grabs my hand petting his head and nuzzles it. 

“Fine. If that’s what we’re doing, I’ll also say that man is no more. I made the trap set off on his neck.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He didn’t deserve tha-

“Before you think he didn’t deserve death, did you know he left poison out for your cat? Did you wonder where it was for the past day?” Disbelief and sadness wash over me. Too many things spiraling in my mind at once. “We tried to bring them to the vet and tell you later we took them since they were outside, but it was too late. The poison got into their system,” He nuzzled my hand again. “We will be your pets, just like you’ll be our permanent guest.” My body was already too tired to struggle. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted them. Stupid me not listening to my instinct. 

“It will be so fun when you wake up! You’ll be at our real home, and we can always be around each other!” He kisses my hand. “Doesn’t that sound great, our beloved guest?~

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Definitely not my proudest work. I’m tired of working on this for 4 weeks and it still doesn’t feel right.

[not-using-this1]

Sleepless Night ~N.Romanoff~

So this oneshot has kinda been sitting in my drafts on wattpad and on here for quite a while. I thought why not upload it after I rewrite it to make it better than it was, I’d say I haven’t touched this one since last October (oops) but here is this oneshot rewritten, pretty proud of this one (Again this is based off the gamerverse Nat hehe but I couldn’t find a gif for her just chilling so..)

Natasha Romanoff x Inhuman!reader :)

Natasha catches you in the HARM room at one in the morning. Concerned about how you barely sleep, she confronts you about it. (Reader has the ability to create/manipulate fire) You tell her the reason as to why you’ve been struggling, she’s there for you in a heartbeat.

Just Natasha being a huge softie :)

Warnings: mention of sex only briefly for like a sentence, 18+, the rest of this is just fluff

Word count: Around 1500 

Natasha' POV

Like usual, I could barely get some sleep. It has been like that for a long time. But tonight was different. Currently it was one a.m. I highly doubted that most of the others were asleep right now but the atmosphere around the chimera felt peaceful, for once instead of hectic.

Walking out of my room, I decided to just take my usual late night walk (or early morning walk, whatever anyone wants to call it). Heading to the back of the Chimera I couldn't help but here the sounds of someone practising in the HARM room.

It's not very often that someone is doing this, especially at this time. Walking through the door that led to the room, a simulation was of course going on.

That's when I saw Y/n, beating the shit out of aim forces with her power to control fire. The poor woman had barely been getting any sleep it seemed, she looked exhausted and I knew how it felt to be that way.

Sighing I walk into the room "Jarvis, stop the simulation" I speak up. He complies and shuts it down. Y/n let out a frustrated sigh and turned towards me, my arms folded holding my ground. "Why'd you do that, Tasha. I was on a roll." Y/n complained as she walks towards me, unimpressed.

I sighed "For starters, it's one in the morning and you need to sleep. I have noticed you haven't slept in three days." I reply. I'm genuinely concerned for her health, she really needs to get some sleep.

"You’re telling me to sleep? You haven't slept in a while either." Yes, that was true but we weren't here to talk about me "besides I'm fine. I can still go on missions and be energetic, so why'd you care?" Wow that was harsh, the why'd you care part but Natasha totally gets it, she checks up on everyone from time to time of course but they just don't know it for some reason and she is quite direct.

"I check up on everyone but you guys just don't know it." I add with a light chuckle. I go back to being all serious, I need her to know that sleeping is important but I want to know why she hasn't been sleeping in the first place. "Come with me." I casually add as gesture for her to follow me, Y/n shruggs her shoulders and follows behind me.

I go straight into my room on the Chimera, she doesn't question me (at least not yet) I gesture her to sit down beside me on my bed. "So, are you gonna tell me what we're doing in your room, Romanoff?" There's the question but I sensed a little flirtation from her as she said my last name, I gave her a small smile. "What's been keeping you awake?" I asked her, Y/n looked at me she seemed worried about the question as if she didn't want to answer it because I might judge her but I never could.

"It's stupid, there's no need." Y/n replies looking away from me for a few seconds and then looking down at her knees. She was nervous but what for exactly?

"Whatever it is, it's not stupid. You know I won't judge you." I tried to speak a bit softer, suddenly grabbing one of her hands in mine which shocked up both, she gave me a small smile, her hand squeezed mine slightly.

"Something has been on my mind lately and I've been struggling to sleep because of it. I just can't get it out of my mind and every time I try it just doesn't work, thanks to a certain woman on the chimera. I get these conflicting feelings and it gets me so confused and unfocused but I just couldn't tell anyone because I thought that they would yell at me." 

I listened carefully to what Y/n had to say, come to think of it she had seemed rather off these last three days, especially on missions. It made me miss her ridiculous jokes, puns and silly flirtation, I want that Y/n back and I would do anything to get her back to her normal self. "What do you think could make us all hate you? We love you."  

Y/n looked at me, didn't break any eye contact, it looked as if she was on the verge of breaking down, my thumb started brushing her hand as I held it, silently telling her that it would be okay. None of us could ever hate her no matter what.

"I like girls, like love them and I also like this woman in particular- I shouldn't have said-"

"No, it's okay. If it makes you feel any better, Tony' bisexual, Cap is just as confused about himself but lets be honest he likes Tony even if they argue. Yelena is an asexual lesbian. The list goes on." I paused. I was thinking about what I wanted to say about myself. I like men but I also like women although I have never had a relationship with a woman I know I like them because I have had sex with a few before my time as an Avenger. "And me, well I like women to."

Y/n gave me another smile, she seemed a lot happier when I mentioned what I just did about everyone including me. "Wow, I never knew these things. I'm feeling somewhat better but there' something else. This woman I like."

I nodded my head and let go of her hand, I was silent and waiting for her to mention who it was or at least give me a describtion sometimes it helps talking about who you love but sometimes it can hurt, in this case I'm hoping it won't hurt Y/n.

"Well she's very badass, can kick ass very well, looks good while doing it, actually she looks good while doing anything. She's around 5'5, looks very intimidating but is an actual amazing person although she won't admit it. She's drop dead gorgeous, pale blue eyes, I love her personality, her body is just so perfect. May or may not have walked in on her naked once and has red hair and-

I listened to every detail she gave me, only to realise at the 'walked in on her naked' part was actually me. I didn't know how to react until I decided to shut her up by pushing her down on my bed and straddling her waist "Oh, and did I mention she has fast movement?" Y/n lets out a gasp as I pushed her down on the bed but she then chuckles and smirks at me. "You think all of this about me?" I whisper to the young woman under me "Duh, now-

"Shut up" I interrupted her, she raised an eyebrow at me in question but I ignored it and pulled her in for a kiss. The kiss was quite sloppy at first because it was something that the both of us seemed to need after a long time of avoiding these feelings (because I also like her). Pulling away she had the biggest smile on her face.

"So I take it, the feelings mutual?”

"Yes dorogoy, lets just get some sleep. Okay?" Just as I was about to get off her and lay next to her, Y/n pulled me back in for another kiss "I'd much rather stay up." She cheekily smirks as she pulls away, wrapping her arms around my neck and clutching onto me.

"Y/n" I rolled my eyes at her, her grip on me loosend enough for me to get off her. I press a kiss to her cheek and we both get under my covers, she backs up slightly more to me and I put my arm around her stomach to keep her close to me "This isn't some dream is it?" She whispered.

~~~

It had been a good thirty minutes and we had just layed there in silence, just as I was about to finally get to sleep with the woman I loved in my arms, finally. She had broken the silence.

Y/n' POV

I really couldn't sleep, I had forgot to mention to Nat that  had atleast two coffee' before I decided to stay up in the HARM room as well as stressing about the fact that I was confused over my sexuality and the fact I like her, I was so happy she liked me back and now here we are, laying in her bed, her arms wrapped around me.

"Nat, I can't sleep. I had two coffee' and I still have a lot of energy." I heard her sigh, I didn't even bother turning around to face her "Y/n, please just try. I was about to fall asleep."

I sighed and shut my eyes trying again but it just wouldn't work "You can sleep ya know. I'll go back to my room and-

I felt Nat' lips on my neck, pressing a few light kisses to my skin "No, you're here now and I don't want to let you go."

Wow that was cheesy even for Natasha "Okay, I don't want to either."

[ravenforce]

Stark Legacy V

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Carol Danvers x Wanda Maximoff x Maria Hill x Reader but Carol Danvers x Reader centric for this chapter.

Summary: Carol takes her motto to heart: higher, further, faster.

Word Count: 3515

A/N: I am so sorry for being on hiatus for the past few months but I’m back. I hope I did Carol justice on this one. Let me know what you guys think, please. xx

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4  | 6

***

You arrived bright early the day after you signed up to be the newest agent at SHIELD. You were just entering the command center when you bumped into your immediate supervisor, Deputy Director Hill. 

“Agent Stark-” The millisecond that it took her to glance at the watch behind you told you she wasn’t expecting you to be early again but Maria remembered she promised to stop having preconceived notions towards you based on her knowledge of your brother alone. She smiled genuinely. “Good morning.” 

“Good morning -” You hesitated. Maria motioned for you to follow her. 

“Agent Hill is fine.” Maria rounded a more secluded corner, you fell in-step with her. She eyed you sideways. “Maria when no one else is around.” 

You cocked your head to the side in silent question. Maria shrugged. “Can’t have other agents thinking I have favourites.” 

“You have favourites?” You asked teasingly. Maria stopped in front of a huge glass door with one side open to reveal the gym. 

“I do not.” You looked at her with bright eyes, and she knew you didn’t believe her. She rolled her eyes at you playfully. “I do however want to be your friend.” 

That stopped you from teasing her further and staring at her intently for a minute. “I would love that,” you said sincerely before walking deeper inside the gym. Maria watched you talk to some of Agent Colson’s team for a few minutes, making sure no one will give a weird treatment. 

“I think you might actually have a favourite.” 

Maria didn’t even flinch when she heard Carol’s voice behind her. “Oh shut up, I -” Carol cut her off by wrapping her arms around her waist and giving her a soft kiss on the cheeks. 

“You don’t have to explain your crush to me Mar,” Carol said while leaning her chin on Maria’s shoulder, watching you now too. “Besides if you explain, you’ll be late for your meeting with Nick.” 

Shit. She almost forgot. She immediately untangled herself from Carol’s arms and gave the blonde and quick kiss on the lips. “Keep her company will you?” 

“But I’m busy -” Carol tried to reason.

Maria who’s almost at the corner stopped to look at her girlfriend sternly. “You wouldn’t be here loitering around if you are.” Then she’s gone.

***

Being asleep for a long time, made you rusty when it comes to social interactions but not any less perceptive. You can feel everyone staring at you since you walked inside the gym, you can feel that people are wary of you. You guess, the word does travel fast. Thankfully some of the agents from Agent Colson’s team saw you and waved you over.

“Hey! We heard you’re officially on board,” Agent Simmons, you remembered, said cheerfully.

“Welcome to the fam,” Leo greeted sincerely. You smiled softly, “thank you.”

“Are you here to train?” Agent May asked.

“Yes but no one wants to train with an inhuman.” You hide the awkwardness with a smile, subconsciously waiting for someone to flinch.

“Ugh,” Agent Grant moaned. “Would totally want to spar with you-”

“Me too but we’re about to go on duty,” Leo interjected.

“Next time,” you said with a smile. You like this team, they’re all nice and genuinely warm. Colson’s team was just about to exit the gym when Carol walks in.

“I’ll spar with you.” Everyone stopped and stared as the blonde continued to walk towards you with the confidence and swag only an Avenger can muster. “Unless you’re scared.”

You let out a full belly laugh, cutting Carol off. Instead of being offended, she was enthralled by how realistic it sounded. She wanted to hear it again. More importantly, out of the blue, she wants to be at the least one of the reason for you to laugh again.

“You’re on, Captain,” you said hopping on the mat with her.

***

Carol looked you up and down unabashed. Had you been fully human, you would have blushed with the way she checks you out openly. You cleared your throat to gain her attention. “Rules?” you asked with a confident smirk to hide your nerves.

“No weapons of any kind.”

“That’s it?” you asked while wrapping a bandage around your knuckles. You didn’t really have to but it gives you some sense of normalcy.

Carol shrugged. “Too many rules take the fun out of everything,” she said cheerfully.

You chuckled, making Carol cock her eyebrow at you. “I guess that makes you the fun one, huh?”

Carol made a lightning-fast move to cover your mouth. “Don’t let them hear you say that,” she whispered while pretending to look around for her girlfriends.

You rolled your eyes playfully before, in an equally fast move, you threw Carol down the mat. Carol gaped at you from the floor for a minute before breaking into a grin. You offered her a hand but instead of getting up, she pulled you down with her and rolled around until she pinned you in the mat. You groaned and it took a little longer than usual to shrug Carol off of you.

“Not bad, Stark. Where’d you learn how to fight?” Carol asked smiling while you two circle each other.

“Tony insisted that I take lessons before I started school.” You blocked a heavy punch to the side of your face. “He said I’m not allowed to use my inventions on other kids, so I’d have to learn how to protect myself another way.”

“Smart,” Carol commented unnecessarily since everyone knew Tony’s beyond smart; he was a genius.

You kept attacking each other with unrestrained force, rendering the rest of the agents who were doing their morning routines to stop working out completely. You caught a glimpse of the little audience gathering at the edge of the mat from your peripheral, distracting your momentarily. Carol used the opportunity to land a heavy blow on your left cheek.

An audible crack can be heard from the stillness of the room, followed by a collective gasp.

“Oh my God, Y/N,” Carol worried. “I’m so sorry. I got carried away.”

Carol chewed at her bottom lip when you wouldn’t lift your head and meet her eyes. Then you started giggling. “Y/N?” She asked softly.

Carol’s forehead crinkled adorably in confusion. You silently thank the universe for being inhuman because had you been otherwise, you surely would have been vomiting blood by now. You’re also thankful that Tony used only the best materials available in the world for you shell because had any of it been subpar, you’re sure that your cheeks or even your whole skull would have cracked.

Then you looked up at Carol with a smile. “Again,” you said while going on a fighting stance.

You used Carol’s hesitation to launch an attack. Carol struggled at first, overwhelmed by her momentary worry and the sudden increase in your speed and strength. Carol smiled realizing that she just found someone she can spar without holding back. Before she can retaliate though, Maria’s voice cut through the room.

“Enough you two,” she said calmly. You and Carol immediately dropped your fighting stance to regard Agent Hill. You just noticed then that Carol’s heaving, you bite the inside of your cheeks to keep yourself from smiling. “Agent Stark, clean up and meet me at the command centre after lunch.”

You nodded before thanking Carol for her time and hopping off the mat. “Spar again, soon?” Carol asked hopefully before you can exit the room. You just smiled at her and nodded. The rest of the morning stragglers went on their way to the showers to clean up as well, leaving Carol and Maria alone.

When everyone was out, Maria threw a towel to her blonde girlfriend’s face. “Just how long were you two at it?”

Carol grinned before sitting down. “Around after you left,” she answered before chugging down a bottle of water.

“Four hours?” Maria nearly yelled in her surprise.

“I guess.”

Maria stared at her girlfriend for a while. None of the Avengers ever trained with Carol that long, not even Natasha. Her surprise turns into a warm smile as she watches Carol smiling softly to herself.

“Oh Mar, she’s amazing!” Carol can’t stop herself from gushing about your strength, your fighting techniques, and your elegance. “Dare I say, she’s as elegant and deadly as Natasha.”

Maria smiled, wondering what Nat would feel if she heard Carol say that. She listened intently and patiently as Carol talk her head off about you all the way to her office where they’re supposed to eat lunch together.

“What?” Carol asked after she sat across Maria’s massive table. Maria opened multiple food containers in front of them.

She looked up at Carol. “I’m not giving her up to The Avengers,” Maria declared confidently.

Carol’s smile was wicked. “Not yet,” she challenged.

“We’ll see about that.”

***

Ever since the first time you two sparred, Carol always finds an excuse to go to the HQ to train with you. You really don’t mind, spending time with Carol, albeit just in the mat, is surely always fun. Captain Marvel is fun. She’s a perfect combination of chill yet intense when need be. She’s also ridiculously flirty, which you chuck as just within her nature and not because she’s actually attracted to you. 

But most especially, the reason why you absolutely love spending time with Carol was that she doesn’t treat you any differently. Some of the agents at work are either too polite because you’re a Stark or too aloof because you’re inhuman. You appreciate her and Maria for making you feel a certain degree of normalcy, and more importantly, they make you feel like you belong. So when Carol showed up at the Stark Tower on your day off, you welcomed her with a bright smile. 

“Hello Captain, what do I owe the pleasure?” You voice heavy with teasing. Carol tried not to think too much about the way you said the word pleasure but by the growing smirk on your face, she knew she wasn’t doing a very good job at hiding how that simple word made her hot all over.

She cleared her throat before speaking up. “I bumped into Happy at HQ and he told me that today’s your day off,” she trailed off a little when you closed the hood of your car and stood beside it, revealing your choice of outfit for the day. You watched her take in your simple grey shirt, denim mini skirt, and black boots. You cleared your throat, and you chuckled when she visibly shook her head to clear her thoughts. “I was just wondering if you want to do something fun today?” 

You wiped the grease from your hand using a dry towel before walking up to the blonde. You stopped a foot away, making Carol sweat unnecessarily. “I would but you have to be honest with me first,” you whispered, holding her beautiful hazel eyes. 

“Always.” 

“Did you really bump into Happy or were you looking for me today?” 

“Shit. Happy snitched on me, didn’t he?” Carol groaned, making you laugh. Carol crossed her arm and pouted. 

“Do I need to change for where we’re going?” You asked walking pass the blonde to go inside your suite. Carol turned just in time to have a perfect view of your ass in denim mini skirt. You laughed again, having perfectly timed your walk. 

“Yes, change to your Phantom suit.” 

That made you pause and turn back to her. Carol shrugged with a huge smile on her face, not giving you any clue at all to where she’s taking you. 

***

You gaped at Carol when you landed on her idea of fun. You took your suit’s helmet to have a better, unobstructed view of your surroundings.

“No fucking way,” you said in pure excitement while moving in circles to take in everything.

“It’s not much now since it’s been abandoned for a long time but -”

Carol didn’t get to finish her sentence before you cut her off by jumping at her and giving her a tight hug. Carol wished to whatever higher entity there is out there for you not to hear or feel how hard her heart was beating in her chest at the way you feel against her arms.

“Are you kidding me?” You still didn’t extricate yourself from her. “You brought me to a freaking space station.”

Carol chuckled. “Abandoned space station,” she corrected with a smile.

This time you untangled your arms from around her, much to Carol’s disappointment. “Semantics,” you said before walking ahead. Carol watched you look at everything with childlike wonder. “I never thought I’d ever been able to step in one.”

“Oh don’t be modest, given your intelligence and credentials, you totally could,” she countered earnestly.

“Maybe but I like working at SHIELD.”

“Why?” Carol asked. Not because doesn’t think you’re fit for the job but because she’s genuinely curious. You can be anywhere in the world, yet you chose to stay and sign a contract with SHIELD.

You run your fingers across the decaying console on the main deck before looking ahead, into the stars before turning back towards Carol, with your ass and hands resting on the edge of the table. “I can protect the people I love better with SHIELD than all alone.”

“The people you love?” Carol stepped closer to you.

“Pepper, Morgan, Happy…” you paused to watch Carol inch closer to you some more. “…and my friends: you, Nat, Maria.”

“Are we friends, Y/N?”

You tried to hide it but you visibly gulped at her proximity. “Aren’t we?” you asked, lips curling into a soft smirk.

For the past few months, this has been your dynamics with Carol: playful banter and harmless flirting. You’re used to it by now but the longer it goes on, the harder it is to ignore your growing attraction to the blonde. Which would be totally fine, if she’s single but you have to remind yourself every day that she’s not.

Carol had to step back too to ground herself. She’s moving too fast, she knows it. She knew she had other people to consider too. Apart from Maria who’s obviously on the same boat as her, she hasn’t really talked to Nat and Wanda about her attraction towards you. She knew Maria hasn’t mentioned anything yet either because it’s too early.

“We are,” she whispered.

“Good, I’d really like that.”

Before Carol can say anything, her stomach grumbled loudly. She turned beet red while you started laughing. Just like that the tense atmosphere’s gone. You took her hand and led her back to the ship. “Thank you for taking me here, Carol but I think it’s time to go home.”

Carol’s relishing the feeling of your hand in hers when her stomach protested again. She joined in when you started laughing again. “I don’t need to be told twice,” she grumbled playfully before pulling you to a run.

***

Carol walked into the command centre after her appointed meeting with Nick to see if Maria wants to grab lunch together. She faltered on her step when she saw the worried face Maria was sporting.

“Hey-” Carol greeted cautiously. Maria turned back and gave her a quick smile.

“Hey. Meeting’s over already?”

Carol ignored the question and stood next to her girlfriend. “What’s wrong?”

Maria’s eyebrows crinkled together further. “Nothing,” she whispered before turning to the monitors in front of her. Carol was just about to ask where you are since you’ve been working closely with Maria since you started a couple of months ago when Carol saw your name on the board.

Suddenly, she understood why Maria look worried. “Why is Y/N out with Agent Colson’s team?” Carol tried to hide the concern in her voice but Maria knew better.

Maria sat in her swivel chair. “They’re down one person for today’s recon mission. Nick decided she’s ready for fieldwork,” Maria sighed.

Carol took a deep breath. She knows that you can very much handle yourself out there but it doesn’t mean they can’t be worried.

“She’ll be fine.” Carol and Maria looked behind them. They’ve been so engrossed in worrying about you, they didn’t even hear Happy approached.

“Need I remind you that she’s a Stark?” Happy asked smiling. Carol chewed on her bottom lip. “Besides, she trained with only the best around here.”

That made Carol and Maria relax a little. “She will be fine,” they both murmured to themselves before their phones simultaneously lit up with a message from Natasha, asking them to meet them in town for a quick lunch.

***

Carol was having a quick trip off-world to check on a nearby planet when she received a message from Nick. She left a sizeable crater on the lawn of the HQ when she landed, almost knocked down a wall, and almost took off the door from its hinges in hurry to get to you. Carol’s heartache when she saw you on a hospital gown, lying side by side with a sleeping Maria.

“Hey,” you whispered as not to wake up the agent beside you.

“Hi,” Carol greeted back. She wanted to move towards you but her knees felt like lead as the adrenaline leaves her body. “You’re safe -”

You smiled sheepishly. “I’m so -”

Carol cut your apology off by nearly tackling you and Maria out of the bed. “Settle down, Carol. She’s alright. She’s home now,” Maria grumbled, cuddling next to you further; face buried in your neck.

Carol looked at her sleeping girlfriend “I think the repair stressed the living daylight out of Maria,” you whispered, squished between the two women.

“You think?” Carol hopped on the bed, squishing herself on your other side. “She’s been worried since you left for the mission.”

“I’m sorry. It was an ambush,” you started to explain but Carol started snoring softly with one arm and leg swung over your body cut your explanation off.

You were smiling to yourself when Natasha entered the room with a quietness that only the Black Widow can do. Your eyes met, Natasha looked a little conflicted. “Shouldn’t you be the one sleeping?” she asked teasingly.

You shrugged with a smile. You patted your lap. “You look like you can use a nap too,” you said softly.

Carol and Maria opened their eyes momentarily to look at their redhead girlfriend, and together they patted your lap before resuming their previous sleep position.

[ellesliterarycorner]

Battling Self Doubt

Honestly, y’all, I’ve been battling waves of self doubt lately. Like I mentioned on my story, I’ve been struggling with my WIP lately, and sometimes it’s really hard seeing everyone talk about their WIPs and characters because all I can think about is mine not being as good as everyone else’s. I always tell myself not to compare myself to other people, but I still do anyways. (I’m quite bad at taking directions) I’m pretty sure everyone compares themselves to other people even when they know that never helps anything.. Self doubt is something that everyone wether they’re a writer or not faces. So, here are a few things that help me out!

Reminding Myself I’m Human!

I think sometimes we all have such high expectations for ourselves. Expectations that might be a little inhuman. Pushing myself to be perfect and to make my writing perfect is never gonna work because I’m human. We’re all human. Making mistakes is kind of what we do. Taking a step back from everything and reminding myself that I’m human reminds me that I’m allowed to make mistakes. And, it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes! Our society has idolized perfection, but perfection shouldn’t be this super idolized thing that everyone strives to achieve. Allowing yourself to have room to make mistakes is actually the best way to grow. As though as it is to hear, I’m often grateful for some of the mistakes we make because I wouldn’t learn or grow. One way I do this is instead of saying, “I completely failed at this” I’ve started saying, “I may not have achieved my goal, but I learned how to do this!” It’s helped me have a growth mindset and be a lot kinder to myself no matter the outcome of our actions. 

Giving Myself Validation!

Sometime you just need to validate yourself! Personally, if I’m doubting my abilities or myself, I’ll just start listing everything I think is awesome about myself or nice things people have said about me or my work. It might seem vain, but honestly, I think everyone is so focused on being humble that we don’t give ourselves enough credit. Sometime you have to just look yourself in the mirror and be like, “I’m hot. I’m hilarious. I’m super smart. People love my writing. I’m strong, etc.” It might seem super narcissistic or arrogant, but I promise you it helps. A lot of the time, we’re our own harshest critic, so looking yourself in the eye and giving yourself some much needed validation is all you need! Also writing those little things down on a post-it-note or something and putting it on your mirror, or in your car, or in your lunchbox, or anywhere is also a great idea! Especially when you forget you put one there and you open it up on the days when you needed it most!

Surrounding Myself With Supportive People

I am the biggest proponent of cutting toxic people out of your life. If someone is holding you back or manipulating you or doubting you, then you don’t need to be around them. Being surrounded by people who constantly doubt your abilities can fuel your self-doubt. Having supportive people in your life, really can change things for the better. Self-validation is great, but sometimes it’s even better to hear it from someone else! I’m honestly not afraid to ask some of my really good friends, “hey, I’m feeling kind of down, can you give me a compliment or tell me something you like about me.” Hearing them talk about why you’re their friend and why they like you can really make everything all better. Supportive people also what to do to make you feel validated and help you quell any self-doubt. My best friend made me a little jar filled with slips of paper that had little compliments and words of encouragements on them. And they’re color coded! Orange is writing, and purple is school, and I don’t remember the rest. The point it that little jar is probably my favorite thing that I won. I would even recommend making one for yourself. I’m so grateful that I can surround myself with people who can remind me of all the goods things about me when I’m just not feeling it.

Writing It All Down

Journaling has always been a very therapeutic and tranquilizing experience for me, but for me, sometimes the quickest way to cure a bout of imposter syndrome is by writing it down. I’m a very visual person, and writing down my thoughts and getting them out of my brain helps me realize that sometimes I’m being way too hard on myself. Everything can feel like a giant pressure cooker in your head, but when I write it down, sometimes I realize that I’m being a little ridiculous. I am in no way invalidating imposter syndrome because it can be very serious, but when I’m feeling it bad, I just have to write it down and laugh at myself. Like I said earlier, I have such high standards for myself that when I write them down and actually read them I realize that I’m being far too hard on myself!

I really hope these tips helped someone out! If you ever need to talk, I’m always here! 

[freddiesaysalright]

Tale as Old As Time - Chapter 5

Rami!Prince Adam x Reader

Summary: A prince cursed. A young woman aching for adventure. The classic tale of seeing beauty within.

Word Count: 4.6k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @26-7-49​, @drowsebaby​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @xviiarez​, @rogerina-owns-me​, @brianssixpence​, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​, @queenmylovely​, @queen-paladin​, @hah0106​

A/N: The grand finale! Thanks to everyone who has supported and loved this story!

Warning(s): Mild descriptions of violence

Moodboard

Prologue  Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4

Chapter 5 here we go!!!

When you arrived home, the windows of the house were dark, save your father’s bedroom. You released Dotty into the pasture and flew inside. You already heard your father coughing. 

“Papa!” you cried as you burst into his room.

Your father was lying in bed, barely conscious. He didn’t acknowledge your entrance. You went to his side and took his hand. His skin was as cold as ice.

“Papa?” you whispered, looking desperately at his tired face. “Papa, it’s me. I’m home.”

“Y/N?” came a voice from the doorway.

You looked up and saw Lyle standing there. He had a bowl of something steaming on a tray, but he nearly dropped it upon seeing you.

“Lyle!” you sighed gratefully. “Please, tell me what’s going on with my father.”

“I’m afraid it’s taken a turn for the worse,” he said. “It’s odd, since his sickness isn’t very aggressive. But it could be the stress of losing you and his confrontation with Victor.”

Your brow furrowed. “What?”

Lyle explained to you that after you left, and Paul returned, he had gone straight to the village, looking frantic. He ran into Victor, who decided at that moment to talk to Paul about the marriage. He gathered the whole town into the square and announced your engagement. But Paul retaliated. He publicly stated that he had not given his blessing to the marriage and did not approve of the match. Then he said you had been taken captive by some monster living in the old palace. He asked all the men to gather their weapons and follow him there to rescue you. Unfortunately, no one believed the story. 

“No one believed him?” you questioned.

Lyle raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, it’s not true, is it?”

“It is true!” you insisted. “Only, he’s not really a monster. He may look frightening, but he’d never hurt anybody.”

The pharmacist’s eyes went wide. “Y/N, you can’t be serious! You must realize how this sounds -”

“Well, then what do people think happened to me?” you wondered.

“They just thought you’d gotten lost,” he explained. “Victor told us you had gone to the big city. He led a search party for you, and they looked for weeks, but eventually, most of them assumed the worst. However, Victor has continued to look daily.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Are you really going to marry him?” Lyle asked.

You shook your head. “No, I couldn’t now. Not when I…” you trailed off. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t love Victor and I’ve decided to end our engagement.”

“That’s a relief,” Lyle said. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

You smiled at him. Afterward, Lyle told you to get some rest after your journey, and that he would keep an eye on your father. As you crawled into your bed, the difference was clear. This didn’t really feel like home anymore. You missed Rami and the castle now just as much as you’d missed your father when you were there. Your heart was torn in two.

Rami had given up on sleep. He remained sadly next to the rose, watching as the petals wilted and fell. He let out a soft whimper. He missed you so much already and it had only been a day. How did he expect to go on with his life now that he had known you? Now that he had lost you? It seemed impossible.

The next day, you woke and went to make yourself some breakfast. You opted for your preserves. Lyle emerged from your father’s room.

“How is he today?” you asked.

“Much the same,” Lyle said. “I’m sorry I don’t have better news, Y/N.”

“It’s alright,” you sighed, though you knew it was a lie. “Can I make you some breakfast?”

“Sure,” he agreed.

You opened the jar. Your father had already been into it, apparently, but you stopped and stared at it. They were grossly discolored. 

“That’s odd,” you said. “I made these to last all winter. This is a relatively fresh jar. How could it be spoiled already?”

Lyle shrugged. “It was your first try at it. Don’t be too upset you got one wrong.”

“I didn’t get it wrong,” you insisted. “I know I did everything right.”

“Y/N, don’t be stubborn, anyone could have made a mistake,” he replied.

You frowned at him, but he ignored you. You went to get a new jar and you used that instead. 

You and Lyle cared for your father all day. There was no improvement. You were suspicious of this rapid development of new symptoms. Symptoms he had never shown before. Fever, chills, nausea, and delirium. Paul would call for you as you stood beside him, completely unaware that you were home. He hardly noticed Lyle either. Another hopeless feeling came over you. For a distraction, you went to begin dinner. Lyle agreed to stay for the meal, since you were certain your father had no more money to pay him.

Just as you were placing the soup in front of Lyle, the front door opened. There stood Victor, who was taken aback by the sight of you.

“What are you doing here?” you demanded, putting your hands on your hips.

“Y/N!” Victor cried, shifting into his normal, annoying disposition. “I’m so happy you’re safe and home! I was just coming to check on Paul.”

He started to cross the room - arms open - but you dodged the embrace. You doubted every word he said. Victor was vain and proud, and he would have no kindness toward someone who had humiliated him.  

“Victor, we need to talk,” you said. “I heard about what happened with my father, and I think we should clarify some things.”

His brow furrowed. “I...alright.”

You led him outside to spare Lyle the discomfort of having to witness your break up. Victor seemed agitated, like you’d just caught him in the middle of something. You pushed this observation to the back of your mind. Victor was almost always up to something.

“I agree that our engagement needs clarification, Y/N,” he began, resuming his usual air of arrogance. “Your father had everyone confused. Especially with all that talk of a beast.”

“Well, whether or not you believe in the beast doesn’t bother me,” you said. “My father was right. I’m not going to marry you.”

His eyes went wide. Something flashed behind them, so quickly you almost missed it. His whole face shifted. He looked dangerous.

“What?” he returned.

“I’m taking back my acceptance,” you said. “What I’ve learned these last few months being away is that I need to live my life for me. I won’t imprison myself by becoming your wife.”

He scowled. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” you said assuredly, trying to conceal how frightened you were. 

He looked sharply away, releasing a low breath, before facing you again. 

“Who is he?” he questioned.

“Who is who?” you shot back.

“The other man, Y/N!” he shouted. “There’s someone else, I know it!”

“It’s no longer your concern, Victor!” you returned. 

A beat passed and you collected yourself. 

“Good day,” you said calmly, and started back inside.

You didn’t get very far. Victor snatched your wrist and yanked you back toward him. You yelped in surprise and the sudden pain from his twisting your arm. He grabbed a fistful of your hair with his free hand, and his nails scraped your scalp. You winced as he forced your face within inches of his own.

“You really were at the palace, weren’t you?” he said. “The beast your father spoke of is real, isn’t it?”

“Let me go,” you replied, struggling against his grip. 

“Isn’t it?!” he demanded.

Fear struck your heart. You had never seen such a wild, inhuman look in Victor’s eyes before. He was crazed.

“I - it’s true,” you admitted. 

He laughed a mirthless, empty laugh. “You are just pathetic. Don’t tell me you love this beast!”

“He’s not a beast, Victor!” you snapped, gaining courage for Rami. “He’s a prince!”

“A prince, is he?” he mocked. “Don’t be ridiculous. The prince was killed by the same monster that killed the king and queen.”

“The only monster I see is you!”

He glowered at you and brought your face close to his again. 

“I’ll have you for my wife, Y/N,” he spat. “And I will eliminate anyone who gets in my way.”

You felt his breath hot on your face.

“By the way, how’s your father been enjoying his breakfast?” he sneered. 

Your eyes went wide as a chill ran up your spine.

“You poisoned him?!” you gasped.

“I will eliminate anyone who gets in my way,” he repeated. “But I can see my methods with your father are far too time consuming. I will remove the beast much faster.”

He glanced at his sword.

“I won’t let you!” you cried, and tried once again to wrench yourself free. You could only wince as his grip tightened.

“You can’t stop me,” he said.

With that, he began to drag you toward the cellar. You fought fiercely against him, but he was too strong. He hurled you down into the darkness. You scrambled to your feet and tried to charge back up the stairs, but the cellar doors were slammed in your face. You heard him slide the wood through the handles to lock it.

“Don’t worry, Y/N, you’ll live in the palace again when I buy it,” he said. “And you’ll remember who you really belong to with the beast’s head mounted on our wall.”

You sucked in a sharp breath. As Victor’s evil laughter died down and you heard him gallop away on his horse, your mind began working on ways to get out. You could call for help, but Lyle would not be able to hear you from the house. Your father made the cellar soundproof years ago so he would not disturb you while you read. This was the first time you had ever regretted it.

You put your hands in front of you and began to make your way slowly through the darkness. It was pitch black in the cellar, which only heightened your panic. You had to do something to get out. You had to reach Rami before Victor did.

Rami left his room for the first time since you left, that evening. He had no real destination in mind, but the sight of the rose was beginning to make him ill. It felt like looking at his own doom.

He found that a stroll around the castle didn’t help his gloomy mood. Everything now reminded him of you. He passed the library and peeked through the doors, half expecting to see you asleep at one of the tables. Only, it was empty. He went to the dining room and recalled the first time you had dined together after learning his name. It felt so quiet now without your voice. As he went past the ballroom where he had danced with you, just nights ago, a sharp pang hit his heart. With a low growl, he slammed the doors shut.

“Prince Rami?” asked Mrs. Carson. “I know you’re not alright, so I won’t ask that. But I will ask this - is there anything we can do for you?”

Rami shook his head. “Nothing matters now.”

She sighed and watched him walk on, heading back toward the west wing.

“Would you like to take a turn around the garden, sir?” she called after him, but he didn’t answer. “Prince Rami?”

He ignored her again and then disappeared down the corridor. She shook her head. As she turned to go back to her own room, she saw Daisy coming down the hall.

“Mrs. Carson, would it be alright if I went down to the village once a week?” she asked. “I know Y/N had to go, but I’d really like to continue my lessons with her. D’you think she’ll still have me?”

Mrs. Carson smiled. “Of course she would, Daisy. I think we can spare you once a week.”

“You don’t think the master will mind?” she wondered.

“Not at all,” Mrs. Carson assured her. “He wants you to learn, and he can eat sandwiches for his meals one day out of seven.”

Daisy beamed. “Could I go down to the village tonight? To check with Y/N?”

“Sure,” Mrs. Carson said. “You may take the guest horse down. But I’d suggest staying the night with Y/N if you can. It’ll be late by the time you get there.”

“Alright,” Daisy agreed. “Will you tell the master?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Carson!”

She took off down the hall. Mrs. Carson chuckled to herself. Perhaps Daisy would be a reason for you to return, if Rami was not enough.

The housekeeper continued her rounds. She was putting some linens away when she heard a scream from the main entrance of the castle. She jumped, dropping the linens, but took off in the direction of the cry. She was not far, and when she arrived moments later, she understood. Thomas was sprawled out by the front door, bleeding from his head. Anna was beside him, in tears.

“Oh, Mrs. Carson, look!” she cried. “Something awful has happened!”

Mrs. Carson knelt down and patted Thomas’s cheek.

“Thomas!” she said desperately. “Thomas, are you alright?”

Anna put her fingers to his neck. 

“He has a pulse,” she said. “So he’s alive, just knocked out.”

“But who would have done this?” Mrs. Carson wondered. 

“Look!” Anna gasped, and pointed to the tile floor. 

Mrs. Carson followed her finger and then she saw it. Large, dusty boot prints. 

“Someone’s here,” Mrs. Carson said grimly.

Anna gulped.

Rami was in his room when he heard Anna scream. He left there and headed toward the stairs to investigate. Only, he was brought to a halt when he saw someone he did not recognize standing in the hallway. His hackles rose and he started to growl.

“Who are you?” Rami demanded. “You’re not welcome here!”

The man was tall and handsome. And his clothes indicated he had some money. Not royalty money, but enough to afford finer fabrics. He swiftly unsheathed his sword and brandished it.

“I’m Y/N’s fiance,” the man said. “You will no longer terrorize this palace.”

Rami froze. Fiance? You had never mentioned a fiance - or any other man in your life besides your father. Since when were you engaged? 

“Fiance?” he questioned.

The man began to laugh. “My name is Victor Prouvaire, foul beast. For my dear Y/N’s honor….”

The man continued to speak, but Rami didn’t hear him. All he could feel was that his heart was impossibly more broken than when you left. He was suffocating all of a sudden. His eyes stung with fresh tears. You were engaged. To a handsome, strong, rich man.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he almost didn’t catch Victor charging at him. Rami quickly dove to the side, narrowly avoiding the stroke of Victor’s sword. Rami turned and ran back toward his room. 

Meanwhile, you were still locked in the cellar. The only thing you had managed to find was your father’s rubber mallet. You were whacking away at the doors, but the block holding them shut was stronger than the swing of your arm. You were already out of breath and sweating. 

“Come on!” you shouted as you gave it one more thwack.

Nothing happened. Exhausted you sank to your knees. 

“Oh, no,” you whispered to yourself. “Rami, I’m so sorry.”

You sat still for a moment, trying to think of any other solution or way out. Then you heard a slow clip clop of horses hooves. You thought at first that it was Victor, but the horse’s steps weren’t heavy enough to be his.

You only had one shot. You banged your fists against the door as hard as you could. 

“HEEEEEEELP!” you screamed. “HELP ME, PLEASE!”

“Y/N?”

The voice you heard could have knocked you off your feet with the relief it brought. 

“Daisy!” you cried. “Daisy, hurry, unlock the door!”

You heard the block slide out and then she tugged the doors up and open. You ran up the stairs and pulled her into the tightest hug you’d ever given anyone.

“Y/N, what’s happening?” she wondered. “Why were you locked in there?!”

“It’s a long story,” you said. “But we’ve got to get back to the palace as quick as we can, Rami’s in trouble.”

“W - what?!” she stammered. 

“There’s no time to explain, we’ve got to go now!” 

You quickly mounted her horse and helped her up behind you. She put her arms around your waist and you urged the horse forward. You galloped back into the woods with only one goal in mind - save Rami.

Rami was struggling to keep avoiding the swipe of Victor’s sword. He didn’t want to hurt Victor if he was someone you cared about, no matter how much it hurt Rami to think it.

Rami wanted to avoid his own room, so he led Victor into a guest room. There the struggle continued. Rami was dodging every stroke until he was backed against the window. Victor moved to lop Rami’s head off, but the prince ducked. Victor shattered the glass window, and Rami quickly jumped through it onto the balcony.

“What’s the matter, beast?” Victor taunted. “Too heartbroken to fight back?”

Rami didn’t answer. Mostly because it was true. He had no heart to fight. His heart was with you in the village. It would remain with you until his dying days.

“Did you really think she would love you?” Victor continued. “What woman could ever love you, when she could have me?”

Finally, Rami was backed up onto the railing of the balcony. He growled nervously. He had to make a move or risk falling to his death. With a snarl, he struck out with his paw. Victor had been drawing his sword back, so Rami hit him square in the jaw. Victor reeled back, and Rami moved to run past him back inside, but there was a crack of thunder. The sound caused Rami to lose his balance and he tumbled off the rail. 

He reacted quickly. He twisted around and snatched the rail in his paw. His hind legs just barely touched the roof of the room below. But rain began to spill from the heavy clouds above, making his grip on both things slippery. 

Victor got to his feet, a wicked gleam in his eye.

“Oh, I’ve got you right where I want you now, beast,” he said. “Y/N is mine!”

Thunder boomed and lightning flashed, lighting up Victor’s deranged face. He raised his sword over his head, preparing to deliver a devastating and deadly blow. Rami squeezed his eyes shut and thought only of you. If these were to be his last moments, he would remind himself of his dearest friend, and the only woman he ever loved.

“NO!” someone screamed.

Rami opened his eyes and looked up through the rain. You had cast yourself between him and Victor’s sword, and you were struggling with the man, pushing him back away from the balcony.

Rami took this moment to heave himself up. He was astonished to see you, but pleased. He was even more grateful that you were there to protect him. Victor dislodged himself from you and shoved you hard to the ground. Rami saw red and let out a roar as he threw himself at Victor. 

Victor, caught unaware by Rami, dropped his sword. You grabbed it and walked over to where Rami had Victor pinned to the floor. You pointed the sword at Victor’s throat.

“Get out,” you said. “You are never to come near me or Rami again, do you understand?”

“I understand,” Victor said reluctantly. 

You glanced at Rami. He met your gaze and nodded. He released Victor, who got to his feet. You hurled the sword over the balcony. Victor gasped when you did.

“You can’t use it to threaten anyone else,” you said. “Now leave us alone.”

Victor looked between you and Rami and with a huff, started to walk away. You and Rami only had eyes for each other.

“He said he was your fiance,” Rami began.

“He was,” you admitted. “But I called off the engagement.”

Rami took your hands in his paws and pressed them to his face. His warm, soft face.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he said. “Is your father alright?” 

“He will be,” you said. “Once I tell the pharmacist to treat him for poisoning.”

“Y/N, are you seri -”

He was cut short when Victor appeared again, this time with a dagger, which he plunged right into Rami’s side. You let out a scream of horror as he howled and reared back, inadvertently taking Victor with him. Victor stumbled when Rami thrashed, and then the former hit the balcony rail. Fearing Rami would topple over it, you grabbed his arm and pulled him toward you. 

Victor, however, was not so fortunate. He slipped on the wet stones, went over the railing, and was not long or quick enough to recover and grab on to something. You heard his yell fade as he fell into the darkness.

You eased Rami down to the ground, cradling his head in your lap. His labored breathing frightened you.

“Easy, Rami,” you said soothingly. 

“I - I’m so happy you came back,” he panted. 

“Don’t talk now,” you replied gently. “Just hold on while I get you some help.”

You started to get up.

“No!” he protested, keeping you to him. “Don’t leave me. Please.”

You turned your head and shouted for Mrs. Carson, hoping she could hear you.

“Just hold on, Rami,” you went on.

“Y/N, I need to...I nee...there’s something I must tell you,” he said.

“Don’t worry about that right now,” you returned, adjusting his jacket to cover him tighter. “You’ll have plenty of time to tell me.”

He shook his head. A lump appeared in your throat as your lower lip quivered.

“Rami, please,” you whimpered. “Don’t leave me. Please…”

He offered a weak, shaky smile. “I’m j-just happy I could see you...one more time…”

“Rami…” his name fell feebly from your lips.

“Y/N…” he breathed.

His eyes closed softly. His head slumped to his right. His chest stilled.

“Rami,” you said, clutching handfuls of his shirt. Tears slid down your cheeks. “Rami, don’t leave me.” 

You became frantic. “Rami, please! Please!”

You tried to shake him, but he was too large and too far gone. You didn’t hear Mrs. Carson, Anna, and Daisy approach - they had put Thomas to bed - and they watched you call for their master. Daisy clapped a hand over her mouth. Anna looked away. Mrs. Carson had tears down her own cheeks. 

“Rami,” you sobbed. “I love you.”

You rested your head on his chest and wept openly. It seemed impossible that you should lose him now when you had come so far. Rami had become your best friend and the love of your life. He saw you for who you were - as more than a pretty face. And you saw him for who he was - a kind, gentle, and generous prince. It couldn’t be true that he was gone.

“Girl,” said a smooth, sultry voice from above you.

You looked up and saw the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. She was gold and glowing. You might have mistaken her for an angel if the air around her didn’t suddenly feel dangerous.

“Do you speak truly when you say you love this creature?” she asked.

“He’s not a creature,” you returned defensively. “He’s a prince.” You paused to take a deep breath. “And the love of my life.”

The woman opened her hands and between them appeared the rose from Rami’s room. It had just one more petal. You watched with bated breath as it came loose and flitted down. The rose lost the pink hue around it. 

“The curse is broken,” she said. “Just in time.”

You narrowed your eyes at her, realizing who she was. The enchantress who had done this to Rami in the first place.

“You’re horrible,” you spat. “It’s not just in time. It’s much too late.”

She smirked at you and it sent a chill up your spine.

“Not quite, girl.”

The rose stem turned to bright pink dust in her hands. Then it all turned gold. The particles fell over Rami like fresh snow. They then sank into his fur. A soft glow began peeking through, as if coming from inside him, and his body began to rise off the ground. 

“Stand back,” the enchantress instructed you.

You hesitantly released your hold on Rami and got to your feet. Mrs. Carson  took your arm and pulled you over to them. All eyes were fixed on Rami’s slowly ascending form. The glow inside him grew brighter, and then beams of light emerged from all over him - his mouth, his eyes, the tips of his fingers and toes. You gasped as you watched his body contort and change with the movement of the light. His paws turned into human hands, his back legs turned to human ones, his shoulders shrunk and lost the hair, his face was completely engulfed in light. The wind picked up and then Rami was returning to the ground. He was smaller than before, and had lost his coat. He was a fully formed man.

He lay still for a moment on the ground, and you feared that it hadn’t worked. You were too frightened to approach. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding when he finally stirred, pushed himself onto his knees, and then rose to his full height. He examined himself and a smile formed over his lips. He whipped around to face you.

“Y/N?” he questioned.

He was so handsome. He had smooth skin. A strong jaw. Thick, curly, dark hair that reminded you a lot of the fur you had become so familiar with. His body was lean and healthy. He looked like a hero to you.

Mrs. Carson gave you a nudge toward him. You inched over.

“Y/N, it’s me,” he said, holding out his hand.

With a full stride, you came closer, reaching out for him as well. When your hands clasped, you felt his warm skin for the first time. He pulled you slowly forward until you were face to face.

“Rami?”

He looked deeply into your eyes and nodded. Those beautiful eyes you had come to know were there. You saw behind them the Rami you loved.

“It really is you!” you cried.

You threw yourself into his arms. He spun you around and you laughed together in celebration. Your heart felt so light, it could have floated right out of your chest. When he set you down, he cupped your face in his hands.

“I love you,” you said again.

“I love you more,” he returned.

With that, he kissed you. A passionate, jubilant, true love’s kiss. Neither of you noticed the enchantress disappear from the balcony. Daisy, Anna, and Mrs. Carson were all dabbing their eyes.

“Mrs. Carson, are they going to live happily ever after?” Daisy asked.

“I believe so,” Mrs. Carson sniffled.

You and Rami giggled at each other, cheeks aching from all the smiling. Then, you kissed your handsome prince once more. As you would do for the rest of your days.

***

With Rami returned to himself, you went to the village to get your father. Rami paid for him to be treated, and cured, with a doctor coming to check on him periodically to be sure. The villagers were thrilled to have their prince. Many people came to work at the palace, including Elaine, who had taken to Daisy. You and Rami married as soon as you could. It was a grand and beautiful affair. And Daisy was right. You lived happily ever after.

~The End~