whatifsandspheres

[whatifsandspheres]

I've gone fifteen years on this website without absorbing any information about homestuck and I'm not about to start now

[whatifsandspheres]

Gonna be a fkn shit next few months.

Then my birthday.

Who could have seen you cumming to the sadistic fuckery of this shit cloud raining down on my life?

It's your nature.

[whatifsandspheres]

Fine! I give up. I surrender. I'll conform.

I won't be fringe and radical on any topics. I'll be submissive and compliant to all the shorter little dog complexes and I'll even slouch like they insist so that interactions can shave about a minute on average in increased efficiency. I'll lick cop boots. I'll be attracted to mediocre women with mediocre looks. I'll accept whatever I'm given without believing I deserve better.

I'll do it all just like you want. Even if even after that you'll still want to take more away.

Just please, please, please, let me have a second of companionship with one of your trashbag-water cunts.

No.

I know. I need to work on being more convincing in my sarcasm. Maybe cut out a few more of those concessions.

I would rather die alone than ever let you determine the worth of who I have spent my life making when all you know how to do is to waste and shit. At this point it's clear. She would be as strong-willed as I am, as sharp, as true. Or more. I don't need your weak validation. I know what bullshit you've been up to these days and how you think it will demoralize and deplete. Whatever. If that's what you need to feel important, sabotage and conspire away. Prove my point yet again. It's what you're worth.

[whatifsandspheres]

Alien title cards

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[whatifsandspheres]

Ellen throughout the series

[whatifsandspheres]

Today, I've eaten the first two apples off the only apple tree I have. They taste better than storebought ones. Sweeter, tart, maybe more fructose? A bit like tart and barely-ripening mango. I do this. For myself. I don't make things sick and diseased around me. I never had a messy room or apartment, or house when I lived by myself until I let someone into my life to make it worse. You can see now, if you ever knew me.

[whatifsandspheres]

"The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."

"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.

[whatifsandspheres]

[whatifsandspheres]

My biggest pet peeve about sustainability discourse is that, yeah, a handful of companies are fucking us all over, and yeah, we need fundamental change coming from the government. But also you need to understand that you can't have both things:

You can't have zero single use plastic and only sustainable materials and expect to be able to afford brand new clothes every month.

You can't have an increase in workers rights protections and expect to still get things you order online delivered to your house in a couple of days.

You can't have meat production reduced to the point where it's not environmental destructive and expect to be eating meat more than a couple times a week at most.

We NEED big scale change but that WILL significantly affect your lifestyle. You need to stop living in a fantasy world where fast fashion prices or eating animal products daily can ever coexist with sustainability.

[whatifsandspheres]

hangzhou, zhejiang province, china (photo by 拾叁药, MelonSeeds)

[whatifsandspheres]

I told Amina I love her.

It's been two years since that little drop of sunshine hit my heart on Valentine's Day.

I think she's going to get back with her ex-boyfriend.

The people who I ever meant much to had me all wrong and you could easily have replaced me with an import or and they wouldn't be able to distinguish the difference.

I'm sure we all die alone, and I'd rather live alone, too than to lose sight or hope for what I know is meant for me. Even if it only exists as hope in my head or heart.

That's fine.

It doesn't feel fine, but I'll get over it.

What I am looking for is looking for me too. If I am anything more than what I'll take with me to the grave or my ashes, then I have to keep on the path that resonates with that. She'll either be along that path, too, or I simply don't need her to validate that I've lived a life worth living.

I'm at the age where women talk about having children and I pity the ones who see it as defining. I understand the significance and the deep meaning of it-- but it's not all that makes a life worth living either. The same way as death isn't. I agree, it's meaningful, sure, but there's so much more! And yet I see so much sadness in some of them if they don't strive for or achieve such a limiting symbol of validation. It almost even feels like consigning those offshoots of life to a predefined prison that they never consented to, like limiting their perceptions of life and their free-will before they're even born.

My time isn't running out. The best parts of me aren't stuck to this body. The universe plays notes and symphonies out of its own blood and bones, and I'm fortunate to hear a little tiny fraction of its songs.

That's more than enough to die peacefully right now and simultaneously to fuel an eternity of life and enlightenment.

[whatifsandspheres]

Finished rewatching Altered Carbon.

Questions about death as defining and essential for the meaning of life?

I don't feel that way. I view life as ever striving to persist. Evolution and the proliferation of life in all it's forms is a refusal to accept death.

Leaving ash and dust behind may be a necessary adaptation to accommodate change and transformation or metamorphosis, but I don't think it's the meaning of life. I think the meaning is subjective, but not arbitrary.

A meadow of flowers, mixed perennial and annuals, grasses and herbaceous, tubers and rhizomes, all the fungi. Their dying and germination cycles have their own meanings and perspectives. They soak in the sunshine and drink the rain or breathe the air and sift the soil networks differently than the trees at the prairie edges, sure.

But those trees aren't inferior to the annual blooms or vice versa.

And should a tree come along that lives for thousands of years, like an olive, juniper, or an oak. Do we say it's taking more than it deserves?

A hydra in the ocean shifting from polyp to floating jelly and back again; do we say it's cheating death and deserves to be extinguished?

It's not fear of death to have a yearning to live forever.

All life wishes to live.

I don't think anything wishes to die.

But the myriad and mosaic of the multifaceted and layered networks of life have had to diversify and accommodate the destructive losses of death into the functions of that drive to persist.

There will always be loss.

Some loss isn't death. Sometimes it's physically intangible. Sometimes it feels worse. I think these newer types of losses will persist even if we manage to make ourselves biologically or physically immortal. Even in that case, accidents and disasters or even voluntary deaths of our essence and physical forms will happen.

But I don't accept that we must embrace death as the only way to define life.

I think life is superior to such conformity, and I see it in every speck of dust. I even see it where most say there is no life at all.

[whatifsandspheres]

You know what I'm actually tired of the "food has no moral value" debate. Because sure. Obviously. But there is moral value in what you support financially. And there is moral value in being a bystander, and in benefiting off of certain practices. It's so easy to say "I didn't know about that" and "I don't like that" but it means nothing if you do nothing about it. Change starts with you. Not everyone has to be an activist, but everyone should be expected to gradually and passively make changes to their own lives in pursuit of a less-in-pain world. I don't care if I look snobby or if people think that I think I'm morally superior to others. I don't trust criticism from those who lack introspection, and refuse to inform themselves in a world where there is nearly endless information at immediate access to them at all times. Ignorance and egotism are at the center of all the things we eventually come to condemn. Some day everyone will be claiming they were always opposed to the goings on of the meat, dairy, and egg industries. Some day everyone will be saying they can't believe humans ever did something so abhorrent and backwards.

You are not important, you are not superior, you are not deserving, and you are not a priority purely because you are human. You'll be happier when you realise this. I'm not saying you have to save the world, but we should all try to live a life which causes as little harm as possible. It's our duty.

If you want chicken for lunch go buy a pet chicken and kill it yourself. I guarantee you it's more ethical, more natural, and more fair than buying drumsticks from the grocery store.

[whatifsandspheres]

it's such a sadness to me that kids eventually lose that 'no filter' thing when they grow up. my niece asked what 9/11 is and someone explained it to her and her unfiltered conclusion was "bro. is that it"

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found out i wasn't born with any skills and the things i'm actually good at are the things i do a lot and didn't quit on. this sucks