#bisexual natasha romanoff

[starkenobi]

Sleepover | Natasha Romanoff x reader

masterlist — read on ao3

Summary: Living an unrequited love is not easy, but it's necessary to realize the time to move on. Or, reader is secretly in love with her best friend Natasha, who's getting married to another person.

warnings: angst, heartbreak, unrequited love, inspired by hayley kiyoko song sleepover.

“Are you sure about this dress?” Natasha asked, nibbling her bottom lip as she turned slightly to face her reflection in the mirror.

“Of course,” the other girl said in a quiet voice, glancing for a moment the redhead before turning around to pick up what she needed to decorate Natasha’s hair. “I picked this dress thinking of you.”

Natasha hummed satisfied, sitting in the chair facing the dresser, an anxious smile on her lips. “I can’t believe it’s dinner rehearsal already.” chuckling, Natasha stared at her friend in the reflection, murmuring amid a smile. “In a week I’ll be Mrs. Barnes, it’s so strange.”

“Yeah. I never thought you’d marry him.” Y/N muttered to herself, trying to hide her own feelings on the subject. Quickly finishing Natasha’s hairstyle, she moved away from the chair to put the things in the bag on the bed. “You’re okay to go. I’m just gonna pack my things and meet you there.”

Y/N’s heart was heavy on her chest, but she tried her best to sound casual. She thanked mentally that Natasha was so dispersed, at least she could disguise better what she felt in front of the redhead. But Natasha, as always wouldn’t do what she wanted, approaching  with long strides and holding one of her hands. Y/N then stopped what she was doing, turning towards the redhead. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

“No. You’re going with me,” Natasha stated, pulling her by the hand and right out of the room. “I need my best friend.”

It was always like this. She'd always be there for Natasha, the powerful duo of spies, the noisy girls taking over the world. Inseparable. They’d be always doing something together or planning to. It was their thing. She’d help Natasha to pick out what to wear, doing sleepovers all the time and annoying the boys. But Natasha would never understand her feelings, would never read the truth in her eyes. Even when Natasha held her hand, she would always feel alone. She tried to think that she preferred to see Natasha happy, that she shouldn’t be selfish.

But was all her suffering worth it? She was so tired of having to escape from reality, of having to hide inside her own head. What used to be dreams now have become nightmares. Well, at least she had Natasha the way she really wanted to when she was hiding. Right? Maybe, just maybe, she shouldn’t have nurtured her hopes, she shouldn’t have agreed to be part of the Avengers. She shouldn’t have fallen in love years ago.

She couldn’t cry. Y/N couldn’t tell what she felt nor put her own feelings on first. She loved Natasha, but she wasn’t selfish enough. The redhead already had someone for the role of lover and was finally happy. Natasha had chosen her as best friend. And, yes, it broke her heart every time she saw them together. But there was nothing else she could do. 

Take a deep breath. Y/N thought to herself, trying not to pay attention to what was happening on the balcony of the large hotel room. Life is full of ironies, and she couldn’t believe in her own bad luck. Among thousands of people, why did it have to be her? Unable to restrain herself, Y/N stopped staring at the empty bottle of beer in her hands and looked up at the excited group. The redhead was smiling to the point where her eyes were shining with happiness. Natasha leaned her body against the man with broad shoulders and metal arm, as he held her with all affection and delicacy of the world. Bucky Barnes and Natasha had a history together, they reconnected, and he made her happy. It's like out of a goddamn movie. It was too much to watch.

As quiet as possible, she set the empty bottle on the coffee table and rose from the sofa. Throwing her hands into the pockets of her jacket, Y/N didn’t think twice about striding up to the elevator. The fear that one of the boys might notice her escape made Y/N feel even worse. Why? Because she was running away like a coward. Because she couldn’t be happy about her best friend's union with one of her friends. Y/N felt dirty. As soon as the metal doors closed, her shoulders slumped, and a faint sigh escaped her lips. For a brief moment, Y/N closed her eyes before staring at the ceiling, trying to focus on controlling her uneven breathing. She couldn’t allow her emotions to take over, but with each passing day, it became more difficult. With every tick of the clock, she understood the certainty that she’d never find someone who would accept her.

The distance from the elevator to her room never seemed so long. It was practically a walk of shame, but Y/N was glad that at least no one was seeing the current state she was in. Finally, entering her room, Y/N threw herself on the bed and buried her face in the pillows. Unfortunately, to her despair, she wasn’t able to spend much time drowning in self-pity party. In the middle of the dimly lit room, the door opened and closed soon after. Y/N heard light footsteps approaching and didn’t even need to hear the person’s voice to know who it was. Y/N felt her heart tightening inside her chest.

The mattress beside her sank and soon she heard Natasha’s melodious voice. “Are you okay?”

“I’m feeling low,” without moving any part of her body, Y/N kept her face hidden in the pillows, muffling her voice. “I guess it was the drinks.”

“Are you sure?” Natasha tried to press, stroking her hair in an attempt to look at Y/N’s face. “You know you can count on me, right?“

“Yeah, I know.”

An awkward silence took over, making Natasha hesitant for a moment. “I’ll be here whenever you need to. Friends forever, right?”

I can think of something better, Y/N thought bitterly but pushing that feeling aside she grumbled. “Yeah…”

“Do you need something? I can ask Bucky to-” the redhead tried again, but it only made the feeling inside Y/N gets worse, at that moment she hated the fond tone of the other girl.

Y/N cut Natasha off, still avoiding looking her in the eyes. “No. I wanna sleep.”

“Huh,” Natasha frowned, this behavior wasn’t normal for her friend but knew it wouldn’t be good to force her to talk. “Sure, so, we talk tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Now go, Bucky must be waiting for you.”

“Okay, cupcake, tomorrow then.” letting out a defeated sigh, Natasha allowed her fingers to caress Y/N’s hair before getting up from the bed.  Natasha walked towards the door, stopping one last time  to look at the other girl still motionless on the mattress. “I love you, Y/N.”

Natasha didn’t wait for an answer, leaving the room with her head down and closing the door with a delicate thud. The silence seemed to finally swallow Y/N, the weight of pain and guilt crushing the young woman's heart. After an eternal minute, the feeling of loneliness took control, Y/N turned around in her bed. She shouldn’t have fallen in love years ago. She wanted so much to go back in time.

Staring at nothing, Y/N allowed herself to cry once more until she fell asleep. Wishing from the bottom of her heart that everything was only another bad dream.

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