#especially given how.........
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there is no fucking way i just got writing motivation for the first time in a month at 1 am
#i mean#im gonna do it!!!#i miss reboot so so so bad#but cmon man#could be fun to have the new chapter out for christmas#especially given how.........#yyyyyeah#:)#hals having fun in it#is all im gonna say#me.txt#reboot
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AuDHD is so funny sometimes like what do you mean my hyperfixations/special interests will last for years on end or possibly forever but they will cycle out every month or two with absolutely no transitional period or warning. like i will think about the same topic every day obsessively for 46 days in a row and on the 47th day with no visible cause adhd brain goes "ok! bored of that now" and autism brain goes "dw i got something queued up for ya" and i blast into full blown obsession on some other topic whose mental file folders haven't opened in 9 months. brain's out here treating hyperfixations like a crop rotation. once the dopamine runs out it cycles in another one but once something's in the rotation it never ever leaves. last summer we brought in one from when i was 11. it's so funny to me but frustrating too bc like. i cannot stress enough my inability to predict or control this. or how completely abrupt and random it can be
#actually adhd#actually autistic#audhd#aphelion.txt#ik 'adhd brain' vs 'autism brain' is a gross oversimplification especially given how much overlap there can be#but it at least helps me conceptualize wtf is going on in my head when i do this lol#and yeah i'm mostly referring to fandoms in this post but it can happen w more 'Traditional' special interests too#like my linguistics special interest which hasn't popped up in a couple years now but whenever it does#i will fill literal notebooks while studying 4 languages at once and simultaneously inventing a conlang#and then i'll be like Ok that was fun! and several months later im deleting like. 2gb of textbooks off my iphone to make room for an update#And sometimes yeah there is a precipitating event like 'Oh something new happened in X fandom with my blorbo!' but sometimes it's like#yeah. no. idk either. switch got flipped in my brain and X no longer sparks joy. only Y rn. how come it's Y? yeah idk i also wish i knew#i don't think any of this is actually an uncommon experience for people with these types of neurodivergencies it's just.#the severity of abruptness and TOTALITY of the switch that makes me feel like a weirdo sometimes lol#like I'M getting mental whiplash from this sometimes. idk how y'all are still following my blog
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dad issues
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(I think they were all fundamentally affected by what they saw and just collectively decided not to share the upsetting details)
#dungeon meshi#aj art#chilchuck#chilchuck backstory stuff#sorta#comic#tw alchoholism#tw death#tw parent death#dont generally tag for death stuff but in this he straight up dies on screen so I thought I should#Uhh I think they all had extremely grim visions bc I think that’s sort of the nature of ghost attacks#I mean Laios’ was basically just him being like “I should’ve died no one would care if i died”#I think Marcille’s would be. Horrifying. Given all her baggage around death.#Tho iirc this would be before Falin’s backfired resurrection#But anyway the mentioning of his father got me thinking#Since at least judging by Laios’ vision#They focus on people who’s death you have baggage around#Especially since Falin wasn’t ever like. Dead dead.#And Chilchuck does mention his father multiple times#Specifically he mentions his death and how he died#Like it seems like that specifically is a notable memory for him#Like you never see him like “my dad taught me to do this”#It seems like he remembers his dad *for* his death#So I anyway I made an extremely grim comic about it#beabell
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Soap "dog-coded" MacTavish my beloved
(This took 5 weeks help)
#call of duty modern warfare 2#cod mw2#cod soap#john soap mactavish#call of duty modern warfare#cod fanart#call of duty fanart#Partially blame forestshadow-wolf for making me unable to see soap as anything but dog-coded#this painting really pushed my anatomy knowledge aka it made me realize how much i dont know lmao#i downloaded new textured brushes and had a lot of fun with them especially on the face#the bg is kinda inspired by wombywoo as you can tell#i wouldve given him more chest hair but it took too long to get it to look decent and i didnt feel like doing more#this is my favorite soap i've painted <3#edit tumblr absolutely killed the quality rip
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they will team up next season. trust.
#mxmarsart#the life series can’t end#how are we supposed to get an impdog team up and impulse win if it does#i just think their dynamic would be fun#especially given how paranoid traffic!impulse is becoming#and how traffic!ren is loyal to a fault#impulsesv#impulsesv fanart#rendog#rendog fanart#trafficblr
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Not all who wander are lost. Some who wander, however, are extremely, extremely lost.
#note: this is a kitchen in a house of change. they are still on the road w the party#not to say i think that maybe chillin out in one location with some loved ones and planned visits from their friends would fix siffrin#but i am saying that they do seem to hoard random items at every given oppertunity. which is an interesting habit#isat#isat fanart#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat spoilers#sifloop#isat siffrin#isat loop#sloops#lucabyteart#but yeah no i dont actually know that siffrin would wwwant to be . travelling literally forever. given the. well. um#that one QnA answer especially. the immediate deflective joking when asked how long they'd been a traveller. mm.#it's not like they chose this life is the thing. and we know they have a habit of forcing themselves to 'stick to the script'#i really do think they'd be better for some stability. its not like you cant have a house and also go on fun travel holidays also#(if you want my real opinion. why not just move to bambouche to help raise bonnie. but. that's fanfic territory at that point)
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the lovers, reversed
(aka I'm still freaking out about Jou)
#art#ride kamens#i am about to go off on wild speculation so excuse me in advance#I HAVEN'T PLAYED THE EVENT YET so this could all be just absolutely nothing but i gotta get it out#(still debating if i wanna save the event for after i finish part 2 or not...)#this is my last chance to throw wacky theories out there okay#i've just. been thinking a lot about the riders the characters are based on and how they relate to their different classes#like the choices seemed SO random when they were first revealed but they do mostly make sense when you think about it#to the point where i actually do feel like i should've been able to call ooo for ambition. damnit.#however i did always feel like jou was a bit of an outlier and now i'm wondering if that's gonna be like...a thing#idk man just the fact that he's gonna have a special double card and bond henshin with taiten is nuts to me#especially since we're clearly on the verge of SOMETHING happening with soun and uryuu#what does it mean. WHAT DOES IT MEAN#what does this mean for the future of tower emblem#and it hasn't escaped me that there is no class associated with evolution (YET)#and thinking about who jou is based on i'm just like#(waves hands) YOU KNOW?!#(plus i'm still like WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR RUI AND HAYATE but that's a separate thing)#i'm gonna try and take my time and not rush through part 2 but i also am SO impatient#i gotta knooooow#given the way my predictions tend to go though i'm either 100% accidentally right about the dumbest thing#or jou is fine but leon fucking dies or something and i'm gonna throw my phone into a lake#HAVE FUN GUYS I GUESS
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I think what bothers me about the live-action HTTYD movie as someone who was VIOLENTLY obsessed with it as a kid and considers it life changing is that a lot of the elements from the behind the scenes animations that happened to work just. Won’t hit as different.
Like wdym toothless’ eye being open as he’s tied down wasn’t intentional, and was actually a mistake in the animation?? What do you mean toothless’ hesitation before meeting Hiccup’s hand was actually an error? What do you mean artists researched air dynamics and how wings would react in wind just to make an accurate dragon model?? Stuff like that made the first movie so beautiful, and I have doubts the new one will hit the same. Nostalgia may be a factor in this of course, but because of how recent it will be little animated errors that made a movie unique and obviously human-made won’t be there and it makes me a little sad.
#there’s also the added fact that a lot of the expression we see won’t hit the same either because it’s not animated#there is so much emotion in the way they animated certain characters in the animated film that just. won’t be there#which is a given for any animated movie#but especially for this one which is so emotionally charged and beautifully made#idk. I’ll probably still watch it. I watched 9 realms why not this#httyd#how to train your dragon#toothless#hiccup#movies#movie
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oscar piastri will be one of the people interviewed as part of an upcoming bbc 5 radio segment on female progression in f1! also featuring susie wolff, abbi pulling, bernie collins and more:
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[x]
#Oscar piastri#abbi pulling#susie wolff#Bernie collins#f1 academy#women in motorsport#f1#genuinely exciting and I look forward to what they have to say#especially given how pragmatic susie has to be about the development pipeline to get a woman into f1#originally I think she said ten years#because development would be starting from karting level now#then had to backpedal#I wonder if she’s changed her mind now
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You're dislocated, don't be like that / And you smile when you dive in, like you're never coming back.
#tma#my art#picked up a wip from last year and finished it!!#this song has always given me tma brainworms and it fits michael especially well#rly happy with how it turned out#michael shelley#michael distortion#tma fanart#the magnus archives#the magnus archives fanart#this is vaguely based on the great twisting and how th distortion became michael#magpod#mag 101
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Who is the more well-adjusted twin; Damian, or Danyal? Why, it's Damian, of course!
And I have an explanation for this! But first I wanna preface this that this is just me like, rambling about this thought I have and it's not an attack on the trope as a whole. I love the Danyal Al Ghul au which is why i'm so deeply passionate about it, because I think it has a lot of potential to be explored. It's no secret that I've mentioned before that I think Danny's psychological development tends to get overlooked and underutilized in DAG aus, and the impact that growing up in an assassin league often goes ignored. This is just me further expanding on that.
Now lets set the stage! This is specifically for Danny who is adopted by the Fentons later down in life. Lets go twin au. At 10 years old, Damian goes to the Wayne Family, Danny is adopted by the Fentons (regardless of their affiliation with the League). By 14 years old, who ends up the better adjusted, more socially aware, spiritually in-tune with themselves, sibling? Why, Damian is! Why is that?
Because he has the actual support he needs compared to Danny. And I'm not talking about good or bad parents Fentons, because either way my opinion doesn't change. Damian would end up the better off twin, because, frankly, his family knows his background. They know he grew up in the League, they know what the League's teachings are, and they know he's a born and raised assassin. Knowing this, they can then help tackle and dismantle the teachings and lessons he has been given and ingrained into by the League. They may be a dysfunctional family, but they're functional enough to at least actively help deprogram all of the League's teachings that have been ingrained in Damian throughout his childhood.
Can't say the same for Danny.
Lets say Fentons here don't know his background -- and even if they do, the results may just stay the same if they play their cards wrong, -- Danny's now just been thrown into the deep end of a pool and is essentially being told sink or swim. Regardless of how he got there -- undercover, faked death, etc -- he has no proper support. He knows the League is meant to be secret, he's not gonna speak on it for various reasons. Whether it be some still lingering loyalty, fear of harm, or whatever. Whatever the reason is, he does not have a proper support system in the Fentons, no matter how nice they are. They can only tackle the surface level stuff and whatever Danny allows them to see -- if Danny ever lets them see it at all. For what do assassins do when they don't want to be caught? They hide. Sometimes in plain sight.
"But Jazz--" Jazz is a child. She is 2 years older than Danyal and no better at giving him a proper support system than the two adult Fenton parents, even with parentification. We don't know when she got into psychology or how long she'd been studying it by the time Danny's 14. We just know she's really into it. Even then, Jazz is not a licensed or reliable therapist, or even an experienced or implied good therapist, and should not be used as one either. It's a disservice to her character to reduce her down to 'supporting female emotional crutch'. Besides, therapy only works on people who want to get better. Danny, who'd be hiding who he really is, has very little incentive to want to, or to even think something is wrong with his way of thinking, even with exposure to the outside world.
When people's beliefs are outright challenged, they tend to double down on them, and Jazz canonically has a habit of psychoanalyzing her family and declaring what she thinks is the problem -- regardless of whether or not she's right about it. Jazz would get into psychology, try and psychoanalyze Danny, and all it would do is cause him to clam up, shut into himself further, and throw up even more walls so that she can't figure out that he has been lying this whole time. It would do more harm than good, and would actively hinder any progress he'd make in trying to open up to them. Roads and good intentions and all that.
That being said, I think Danny's development and dismantling of the League's teachings would be slower than Damian's. Much slower. Because he would be the one having to pick apart everything and figure out what is right, what is wrong, what he wants to keep, and what he wants to toss. Everything he unlearns would be stuff he has to unlearn himself. If he even gets to that point at all -- depending on his experiences, he very well could not change at all, or change very little. The League acts as a purge for humanity, meant to reign in their hubris and retain balance, they just also happen to be assassins for hire. Danny's time spent in Amity Park could as well strengthen his belief in their teachings just as much as it could weaken it, especially if it goes as canon and he gets bullied.
Regardless, being tossed to a civilian family as someone who is very much not a civilian, without any support, would be actively detrimental to Danny's overall mental health and development. Especially to strangers like the Fentons. Damian was closed off and standoffish even with blood family, and it took him time to open up to them -- Danny, with the Fentons, would be even more so. He doesn't know them, he doesn't trust them, he has no rhyme or reason to open up to them, and since the Fentons don't actually know him, they can't help him the way he needs. Once "Danny Fenton" is made, he has even less reason to open up. So long as Danyal allows it, they will only ever know Danny, and they'll never know Danyal.
TL:DR the Fentons aren't the better family option just because they're civilians, and actually that makes them the worser option between the two because they can't give Danny the proper support he needs. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dp x dc crossover#danyal al ghul#dpxdc demon twins#demon twins au#dpdc#dpxdc au#dpxdc analysis#tldr: danny could be royally screwed over by living with the fentons rather than his actual family.#the fentons being good people ≠ giving proper support and aid to a child. especially a traumatized assassin child.#there are of course a lot of variables to put into place that could shift things around but this is just the general gist of the idea#living with the fentons could actively harm danny worse than if he was with the waynes and could leave him more susceptible to returning to#the league depending on the backstory given. he could actively force himself into his own shell and bury himself deep beneath his lies.#and once 'Danny Fenton' is firmly fixated on his face what use is he to take the world at face value? as my delightful friend navistar said#anything anyone says would be to *danny* not *danyal.* one good example im thinking of is that *danny* knows that killing is wrong and that#people have value. but *danyal* does not. he recognizes that it is something frowned upon but doesn't quite understand *why* because nobody#has explained it to him. bc they don't know he *needs* it to. its like knowing that certain words hurt people when said a specific way and#even if you don't mean it to hurt or understand why it hurts you recognize that it *will* hurt. and so you refrain from doing it.#danyal knows x x and x is frowned upon and so even if he doesn't understand why or thinks its stupid he refrains from doing them#while he's 'danny fenton'. he's very Intensely Masking#child development and socialization is tricky at best and unpredictable at worst. things COULD help but they could also make things worse#and even if the fentons do know his background that doesnt mean they know how to give him proper support. it certainly HELPS but it doesn't#automatically make it better. Danny can always just Lie. their parenting style might not change. sending him to therapy doesn't#automatically make it better bc it doesnt mean danny agrees that he needs the help. he can just Lie.
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Thinking about Mass Effect, as you do, and how I'm kind of sad that the way it's been engraved in pop culture has more to do with the way internet reacted to it at the time than what the actual game is about. Yes sure, it's about romance (and not that much all things considered) and it's pulpy (but not solely because of hot lady aliens), but it's also intricate worldbuilding that touches on a lot of sharp ideas, and a complicated tug-of-war between a genuine and vulnerable belief in reconciliation and community VS post 9-11 US military propaganda and steadfast belief in heroic exceptionalism, and the melancholic yet energizing mood, and the daring narrative systems, and so so much more than the 'We'll Bang OKs" and the "There's No Shepard Without Vakarian" and the whole ME3 ending situation
It's all there, but I'm sad the impact of the series is often reduced to (what I think is) the least interesting parts of its sum
#mass effect#mass effect meta#and what I'm the MOST sad about#is how bioware internalized a lot of that I think#I think Mass Effect 3 and especially the Citadel DLC suffered from trying to pull itself in the shape of what the fandom expected#it's why I'm so ambivalent about Mordin's seashell bit --which I do find kinda cheap in its attempt at being an obvious crowdpleaser#and it's why a lot of the Citadel DLC jokes don't land as well as they could have for me#AND why I didn't react that well to Andromeda either#which to me forgot a lot of its strong worldbuilding foundations and sincerity#and ended up feeling so very... “liberal” to me --if you can forgive my semi-judgmental wording#as in: gestures at inclusion and would do pronoun rounds probably but will never lift a finger to criticize actual systems of power#it's “nicer” and people are more fun but the colonialist project is never sincerely questioned by the narrative#elon musk-like “genuises” are given a god-like aura#species become mostly tired and watered-down versions of their archetypes...#I don't know. I'm sure a lot of people will disagree but yeah I was thinking about this today
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y'know what let's do it. have Jack Drake accused of murdering Janet for a different flavor of drama and whump
he was in a coma and then wheelchair-bound for weeks/months after the incident you say? he was FAKING, it was all arranged, a ploy to appear helpless and sympathetic, how else could he have woken up and recovered so smoothly from the same poison that killed his wife
new evidence is produced of a suspicious payment trail from before the hijacking, leading from Jack's DI funds to accounts that appear connected to the Haitian cult/cartel responsible for the Drakes' kidnapping and Janet's tragic demise
the widow of the Drakes' personal secretary, Jeremy Whatzizlastname, and other employees all come forward and wag their tongues about the alarming frequency and escalation of the fights between the deceased and her aggressive, belligerent husband in the lead-up to that final fateful trip - how they were openly arguing about divorce
mysteriously, this relentless mud-slinging media blitz only begins after Drake Industries starts to go downhill and CEO Phil Marin comes under investigation for embezzlement/insider trading...
since it's post-NML the scandal blows up even further. the press hounds young Tim Drake, the iconic NML Kid known to all as the face of re-opening Gotham after the quake. muckrakers gleefully tear apart the recent image of a desperate, loving father who was broadcast on national television putting all his resources and influence toward bringing his lost son home
...actually. doesn't Drake Industries going broke happen right in the middle of Bruce Wayne: Murderer? (checks notes) aha, Robin #100 so lmfao yes, it does.
GOOD EXCELLENT PERFECT, Tim's father figures can both be accused of murder simultaneously 😈 and then the Bats have to divide their efforts and resources between exonerating Robin's dad and attempting to clear the civilian name of an infuriatingly uncooperative Batman…
#post tag#Tim Drake#Jack Drake#dcu#I couldn't remember Phil Marin's name or the exact issue of his one (1) appearance#so I went to AO3 and scrolled through scintilly's 'now the little red lighthouse knew that it was needed' to find it lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#but ok would Bruce break from his self-isolating spiral at all to try and help exonerate Tim's dad#especially since he obsessively investigated the Drake hijacking while trying to rescue them to begin with#I feel like....no lol#of course he'd work on it don't get me wrong - more than the 0% effort he put into clearing Bruce Wayne's name certainly#I don't think he's capable of not trying to save his children's parents#but given how hard he was shutting everyone out at the time and how being doubted or questioned just made him turtle harder#I can see him stubbornly investigating solo and communicating jack squat to anyone else#maybe on some level he'd want to wrap Jack's case up with a bow and drop his proven innocence in Tim's lap with a tinge of pettiness/hurt#like “see?? you thought me maybe capable of murder but I did this for you. I'd do it for anyone facing injustice but I did this *for you*.”#and this would drive literally everyone insane because yes good thank u Bruce now PUT THAT SAME EFFORT INTO CLEARING YOURSELF >8E
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how it feels playing da4 tbh
#dragon age#da4#datv#dragon age the veilguard#the more i think about it the more i see how much its lacking in everything tbh.. tbqh#but also i cant stop playing it and love the characters. just wish they were all... more.#and more of the story. the important bits. the bad and ugly bits#no nuances no bad decisions really. no explanation or time for any of the 'lesser villains'#like isseya in davrin's quest. it was so bland. or even zara and illario.. just gimme more information and insight#the crows omg i hoped that playing as a crow i would see how they really are but nope. nothing. 'protectors of antiva' sure.#and yet.. i still like it a lot. cant help but enjoy it a lot. they all grew on me. just.. again. wish they were all more detailed or#or given more nuance and time. especially for the romance scenes. why do they kinda feel flat. im doing a davrin romance with this rook#and its cute and all.. but it should have been more. more about davrin and more connected to how he feels about rook etc etc idk#emmrich#emmrich volkarin#rook#da4 critical#also.. look at my qunari crow rook! i love her!#da4 spoilers#datv spoilers#dragon age spoilers
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Are you alive? Is 2025 your date of death? We miss you mate
HI!!! OKAY SINCE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE CONCERNED AND I GENUINELY DON'T WANT ANYONE TO WORRY (especially with how the year is kicking off) I'll say it-
I AM ALIVE!!!
I know it's been a long while, and I apologize for that!! I didn't want to start off the year this way, and actually wanted to start it off with a one shot (and the one that was supposed to come out on Christmas, along with the remaining chapters of the red dawn and so on) but I'll be honest and say that I got distracted, caught up in one too many things, and fell out of DC for a hot minute before crawling back like a man starved.
I've missed you all so much, and for the past few days have been trying to get those things I mentioned together so that I can finally have something up again! Even if I've royally failed the challenge back in October, those last chapters will and are still uneditied and basically made on a time crunch. The oneshots are getting done as we speak, and Chapter 4 is in the works :]
If it sounds like a lot and absolutely insane, that's because it is!! I'll be honest and say that I'm more excited for other projects then what I'm currently working on, but am focusing more on getting things done because you all deserve that and especially for all of your patience and kindness! I know I've said it before, but the Not Series really isn't my best work, and I don't think it will be, but even then I still want to produce a Chapter that you'll enjoy - but if anyone sees a decline in quality (despite the first and 2nd chapter essentially being written in one sitting and posted on the same day), that's probably why!
I do have some updates regarding some of the fics I said I was planning on writing, with the biggest update being in regards to "Ghost" as I've essentially almost rewritten the entire plot at this point, but I'll get there when I get there.
Nevertheless, yes, I am still alive! Even if you probably won't hear too much from me until those couple of things get done, I'll try to multitask and such as much as I can! The way of how I post things may be a little odd, but it'll mostly be with when I get them done, and with all the time I have at the moment - well, I might actually be able to meet my own deadline this time around... even if that new years oneshot is already 13 days late, and I'm not going to talk about the rest of the stuff I have to work on.
Regardless, rest assured! I'm not dead yet, and progress is being made! ... And what better way to show that then being late once again! LOL
#talking daydreams#yandere batfam#not series#the red dawn#batfam oneshots#trust me i cannot believe how late i am either#but at this point i'm tired of it and just trying to get things done#i don't want to produce something half baked either but i am trying my best to keep things fresh and interesting as well#i will say that the oneshots do get a little dark tho!#and so does the red dawn but that's a given considering how that little series is going#again i know i failed that challenge without a doubt#and honestly writing 5 whole chapters in 5 days was crazy enough#especially with how my writing style is#not to mention the ideas i come up with#but again i want to try and keep things the way they were supposed to be initially#the not series is going to be rushed#that i will admit#but its also so that i can focus on stories i feel are more interesting#and have actual substance and effort put into it#that isn't to say that i don't like it#it was just a rushed idea i put out haphazardly and am following with an equally rushed out story#and i feel like you guys definitely deserve better then that#besides#i have plenty of other ideas for neglected readers that are - in my opinion - much more interesting anyway!
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banging my head against a brick wall Maybe this is what happens when you grow up you feel less joy. maybethis is what happens when you grow up you feelless joy. maybe this is what happens when you grow up youfeell less j
#nebposting#I CANNOT EVEN LIKE. BEGIN TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH THAT SCENE DRIVES ME CRAZY.#especially given how so much of joy's arc in io2 is realizing that she's still important. like what a HUGE leap from the first movie.#i could analyze joy's character all day though so i'll stop there. just know this line makes me ILL
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