#especially considering that platonic relationships have been the most impactful relationships in my life

[sapphosboy]

The thing about Doctor Who is that nobody’s doing platonic soulmates like they are. Especially with angry redheaded women. Like the Doctor and Donna are the most spot on example of platonic soulmates. ​Tied together by destiny. They love each other so unfathomably much, devoted, would die for each other no hesitation, all without an ounce of romance. Amy Pond being the first face the Eleventh Doctor saw, and him telling her, “you’re the first face this face saw, and you are seared onto my hearts, Amelia Pond, and you always will be.” and her appearing to him right as he’s about to regenerate. 

[punksocks]

Elemental energy in your chart

I’ve been thinking about how elements combine in a birth chart to effect your presence in the world… and I was watching Avatar the Last Airbender lol, so I wanted to write about it! I’d advise checking your big 6- Ascendant, Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, & Mars- and in addition you could check your Saturn and Jupiter but those planets effect lessons you learn and abundance you bring in based on your actions. Although Neptune, Uranus, and Pluto also effect your personality, especially when they aspect your personal planets, these are generational planets and have an impact on people in your age range overall. Ok, let’s get into it!

Earth

Grounded and persistent. The presence of earth in your chart denotes a sense of things that can primarily be describe as steady. These natives are connected to the material, the substantive, and the physical. Because of this they understand in order to gain tangible things, work and dedication must be put in. Exchange for exchange. They also tend to take things more literally/tangibly overall in my experience. The sorts that will measure someone’s ability through a strict lens. How well are you doing now with the resources you have now, and what’s your plan moving forward. Being such people of physicality, they can be hard to impress and are not the sorts to usual daydream. If you mean it, prove it. If you know it you know it, etc. earth in your chart shows where you wish to be grounded and where the physical means the most to you, whether that be through hard work and rewards (Capricorn), valuables and indulgences (Taurus), or reason and service (Virgo).

Water

Emotive and Intuitive. The presence of water in your chart promotes a sense of emotionality. These natives feel and let all aspects of things flow through them. Feelings of themselves and others, energies of every aspect of their environments, anything that touches their intuition, everything conscious and subconscious. Water has a presence that runs deep like an ocean, waves that crash over everything with an edge of destruction or rains that water crops and bring life to those in need. Water flows and changes with circumstance as do the the natives that have this in their charts. On a mental level these natives are incredibly connected with their intuition on a level they may only subconsciously realize. Water in your chart shows where you wish to feel and intimately whether that’s through exploring the ties of your birth family or found family (cancer), through exploring the mysterious and taboo (Scorpio), or exploring the conscious and subconscious (Pisces).

Air

Detached and logical. The presence of air in your chart denotes a sense of otherworldliness. The natives work from a place of mental stimulation and reason. Air subsists of so much that is unseen and flows all around us, playing into the detached nature of this element. From this birds eye view, air natives are able to think and consider things deeply, pick apart subjects and conversations from many perspectives. The natives are often capable of witty and curious out of the box takes. In turn absorbing information can be critical to satisfy the sometimes endless curiosity of the native. Air in your chart can show where you wish to learn with depth, grow your knowledge, and experience many perspectives while staying reasonable and logical whether that’s through learning about as much information as you can (Gemini), being detached and focusing on the effects of society overall (Aquarius), being diplomatic and charming throughout all of your relationships and striving for harmony in your romantic and platonic relationships (Libra)

Fire

Bold and passionate. The presence of fire in your chart denotes dynamic energy. The natives move with an energetic nature that is forward thinking and eager. They say what’s on their mind and act on what they say. They are the type to wear their heart and their ego on their sleeve and take much at face value, because they are face value sorts of people themselves. This air of boldness gives the natives the feel of being confident and powerful. They are often stand out individuals that provide the spark to get things up and running. Fire is heat, passion, destruction, life. Fire is everything but it’s never nothing. Without the spark there would be no light, and this is often reflected in the natives naturally courageous and optimistic nature. Fire shows in your chart where you have energy- energy to experience new things with courage and boldness whether that’s through philosophizing and speaking your mind (Sagittarius), being the center of attention and being creative (Leo), or becoming an unstoppable and innovative leader (Aries)

[girl4music]

I have a lot of thoughts this morning I need to express.

I’ve always been a “both/and” person. Meaning I’ve always looked at all sides of a situation and have said “it’s both” or “it’s him/her/them AND him/her/them”.

I’ve very rarely been the person to put either the praise or the blame on only the one person. And I thought thinking like this made me unbiased because I know some relationships are just better off as purely platonic for the benefit of both people in it. I mean they say it takes two to make or break a relationship of any kind - be it a romantic or platonic one. And I find this is most often true of relationships that are romantic/sexual in nature. But friendships as well. Especially ones that maybe started off romantic.

But recently experiences in my life that I’ve personally had and personally observed have led me to consider thinking differently. Because when you see the pain of a relationship fall out for yourself - things change. Yes, it depends on the situations, the circumstances and the consequences and I’ll always believe that. But sometimes it really is just a one-sided thing and there is only one person to blame and therefore only one person to stand by. I can’t take the unbiased approach this time. I can’t be objective or logical or reasonable even though I love and care for both these people with everything in me. And I won’t play Devil’s advocate.

Even if I did, I don’t have the conversational skills of Socrates or Aristotle. So I won’t make any difference trying to throw perspective into these interactions.

I can’t placate this situation with my words because my opinions of it lie only on the one side this time. It would be dishonest and that’s something I won’t be. This is so uncomfortable because I am not used to this at all. I’m not used to being outside of the grey area. My views have almost always fallen in-between when it comes to debate. In the middle. I’m a Taoist. Not in practice but in theory. My mindset is that of a Taoists.

But I’m just experiencing some very strong cognitive dissonance at this moment. On this morning. 😑

And I don’t know what to do about it. Neither for how it affects me and the action that must be taken in it.

So I’m doing what smart people do.

Asking for advice. Asking for help.

How do I remain friends with both these people who seem to want to do everything but reconcile their differences? Especially when I know who is wrong. I want to be able to communicate this but I don’t want it to have a negative impact on any of my friendships. I don’t want either of them to take a defensive position. But I can’t lie to myself by lying to them on how I feel.

What do I do?

They want to break up mutually and that’s fine with me. It’s probably best that they should anyway because they’re only causing each other pain and it’s going to become toxic if they don’t break up now.

But where does that leave me? And is it selfish to only think of myself and what happens to my friendships?

[askanaroace]

How I Came to the Aplatonic Label

March's Carnival of Aros topic "Platonic Attraction" gave me the motivation to write about something I've been thinking about for a while.

Firstly, real quick, a blogging carnival is an event where bloggers are all welcome to post their own takes on a given topic. In this case, it's aromantic bloggers about "Platonic Attraction". Learn more about participating in the Carnival here.

So for a while, I've been seeing posts and takes about all these microlabels, including for different attraction types, and I've been thinking about my own journey with this.

By a technical standpoint, I would say I always fell somewhere under the aplatonic label. It's most likely related to how often we moved when I was a kid, teaching me that all connections were temporary and would be shortly lost upon the whims of my parents, leading me to be less interested and more resistant in forming these types of bonds that I knew I was just gonna lose anyway. As a result of this and likely in combo my natural feelings/instincts, I always had lower social needs than others seemed to.

I remember in high school (at the point where my mom put her foot down and said we weren't moving again until my sister and I were both out of school because we both had trouble making friends) where I even had an established friend group that was not only established but was more than one person. One of my friends admitted to me that they only invited me to about half of the things they did together because they knew that about 50% of those would be rejections anyway, so for their own feelings/mental health, they just didn't bother inviting me a large portion of the time.

And I was SHOCKED! And confused and even honestly hurt. My needs were low, but finding out like in that way that my friends had "secret" hang outs without me had me feeling all type of ways. And I couldn't even blame them. I knew I was turning down invites. It was just a lot to me. And the fact that my friends were meeting up even more than I knew was... I think that was the point where it really hit me how different I was from them. They REALLY wanted to be together a lot of the time. Way more than I could even handle.

And this was information available to me when tertiary attraction started becoming a named thing around the community. Yet still, it was not at that point that I had ANY interest in any of these terms whatsoever.

Much like being asexual, I knew that these types of attraction - aesthetic especially blew up first (to my recall), then sensual and platonic, and then alterous, etc. - just weren't things I felt. But unlike asexual, these were not things I was interested in labeling. I guess because these weren't things that I ever felt left out of. They're not things that allos typically label or even talk about in unnamed terms a lot. So, it's not something that was ever really relevant to my life. Whereas as an asexual (and then eventually as an aro, since I'm caedromantic and wasn't aro until later in life), THAT was an attraction type that impacted my perspective and relationships and the way I related (or was unable to relate to) others.

Even the first time I heard aplatonic, I didn't connect with it or feel drawn to it or consider labeling that way. I thought it was really interesting! It opened up my perspective a lot. But I felt at that time that I was involved enough in enough friendships that it wasn't applicable or relatable to me, even though looking back, I now disagree with that. But at that time, the label didn't have a draw. I didn't have a need for it.

It wasn't until later down the line when my needs really changed that the label became of interest to me. I'd never really had a strong interest in friendships, but around the time I realized I was caedromantic (or aromantic due to trauma), I realized other feelings had changed as well. Now not only was I completely uninterested in a romantic relationship and not feeling any sort of romantic attraction anymore, but socializing in general became specifically exhausting and undesirable to me.

Introvert had been enough to describe me before, but the way I felt now was more than that. I didn't just need alone time to recharge. Alone time was the only thing I wanted. Shallow connections could be fun and nice, but I really didn't want anything deeper than that. I was resistant and scared of anything deeper than that. I was okay with taking care of people behind the scenes, but I didn't want that sort of care returned or even acknowledged.

My social needs weren't simply less than others anymore, they were practically nonexistent and a core component of how I was interacting with the world. This change in my needs in not only valuing alone time but being exhausted by any socializing at all really changed my perspective on where I was going in life, as well as interacting with other people in general.

Suddenly, aplatonic became a very desirable label that helped me categorize what I was experiencing and realizing I wasn't alone. There were people out there who understood. I wasn't the only person who felt the way I did. I wasn't in an in between place where either label could be applicable. I was at an extreme end of the spectrum where aplatonic specifically was the only thing that could describe me, and that's the point where I needed a label. The point where I became so different from others around me where I really couldn't relate to them at all anymore.

Now this is not everyone's experience. People choose labels for a lot of reasons. This is simply one of my reasons for one of my labels.

[butch-reidentified]

I have to apologize to everyone bc over the past several months-yearish, something has happened within me that defies my separatist sensibilities (though tbh our recent urban separatism attempt ended horrifically 🙃): I have met and platonically fallen for a man who I truly believe to be good and reasonable. I know the phrase "platonically fallen hard for" sounds unusual, but it's really the best way to describe the situation - the 3 of us (him, me, and my wife) went from first meeting to a close and deeply meaningful friendship in a startlingly short time period (for us anyway, as none of us tend to open up easily). I'm talking chosen family/introducing each other as family to new people. I don't attach terribly easily, and I don't CARE at this level for people easily at all, but this is someone I've become intensely protective toward in a matter of under a year. My wife and I are both legitimately baffled by how much and how quickly we've come to care for him, and he's expressed the same. My wife and I are extremely selective with people, and though we can get alone with just about anyone, it's extraordinarily rare for us to meet someone who we can genuinely relate to. We have a lot in common (and what we have in common are things 99.999% of people simply can never understand bc of the life we grew up in & are still in), but the three of us being so vulnerable and honest with each other, being able to be real with each other in a way we just can't with anyone else (bc of said life experiences), genuinely letting someone in on that level and caring about their wellbeing in an actual emotional and not purely cognitive way, is surreal and lowkey a bit unnerving to me. Especially considering how minimal the vast majority of my emotions are. He is always there for us in ways none of our friends really have been before. Even this past week, when my wife & I had a severe covid infection, he was the only one who showed up for us, without needing to be asked, cleaned the house, took care of the animals, and looked after us. So it was nice to have a person around with basic decency for once, but since then he's been going well above and beyond decency or even what a typical actually good friend would do.

My wife & I had promised ourselves no new male friends, but this has quickly become among the most important relationships we presently have to both of us (though tbf he's also our business partner, so that's pretty important). He's also helping us reopen the lesbian-focused bar near our house that closed last year. He was already a really good guy before we met, and I noticed almost immediately how his behaviors differ from other men I've known & how quick to call other men on their behavior he is, even in circumstances where doing so will negatively impact him or his life. Since becoming friends with us, he has been an active participant in our conversations about feminism, always wanting to listen and learn, fully takes critique and feedback to heart, and shows that he is committed to being a better ally to women every day through his behavior. I've known some fairly decent guys before, but they were always men who would be seen as soft/effeminate, and certainly didn't come from the life context we do (honestly one of the hardest contexts to be pro-woman in, even for women). This guy couldn't be further from that, yet is simultaneously honest, vulnerable, and deeply altruistic and caring. the whole situation is making my brain short out.

[kommikoira]

2024_06_06 // love: complicated, all-encompassing, necessary

happy pride month to every queer person out there and shinji's birthday also to every queer person. today i will take on the sisyphean task of explaining love to some degree, as it's been affecting me greatly lately.

so. love. i believe love comes in many different types- all of which show themselves in various forms. first and foremost you have the obvious ones, platonic, self, and romantic love which many people experience to some degree in their lives. these things affect everybody differently, especially when intimacy, sex, ace-spec, limerance and come into the equation. then there is the love that you can experience from the world and all things within it and the love some have in return for all things, which i will call divine love and universal love.

as this is my blog, i will mainly be touching on my own experiences with these things and how they have affected, shaped, and impacted me. to begin with, i would say that i am a person who is filled with love, there is so much love within me, particularly platonic and universal love. so much so that i find myself overwhelmed by it in my daily life (so you can imagine how i feel on mushrooms). i crave nothing more than to craft a perfect world for myself and those around me and would be willing to martyr myself immediately if it meant i could foster a process by which humanity and life could be saved from itself and the pain that too often characterizes it. i care for those close to me unyieldingly, willing to do absolutely whatever i can to ensure they have comfortable lives and grow into people they can love, yet i cannot express all of this as quickly as it fills me, especially with my schizoid personality disorder, leaving me in a place where i have to resign to pray that i hopefully express this adequately and frequently enough so that others may understand.

self-love is something I have never had a problem with, however younger, previous iterations of me have definitely had problems with it, and i have seen many struggle themselves with such things, which pains me to a degree as i wish they could simply see how great they are or could be. often, it is simply a matter of needing to grow and wanting to see for themselves that leads to the realization in most, in my experience and observations.

now, it's time for the one i struggle with the most.

i would consider myself on the aromantic spectrum to a degree, but not for the reasons you may think. the person I am is one who is extremely in-tune with themselves to a degree of being basically unaffected by many things and able to personify and practice my principles to a level i haven't seen from too many others, but much of that comes from experience. one thing i lack experience in is romantic love, which leads my mind to immediately have a disadvantage at navigating it, and with such heavy consequences on the line, it isn't something i am too privy to work at through trial-and-error. the next reason is a result of my autism and schizoid personality disorder. both things as well as just the person i am make me both not particularly inclined to give constant affirmation or physical affection or even attention, all of which can be problematic in a romantic relationship in my observation. both of these things culminate into a desire to avoid romance and romantic attraction, which i have openly expressed, so all is fine then, yes? no. the problem is no matter how hard i fucking try, i cannot purge this love type from my mind and heart. every single iteration of me other than one has tried to a degree and nothing has worked, only reduced it, which leads to an annoying problem of mine.

emotions of mine that are too specific, complex, and difficult to describe i compartmentalize under a distinct noun. for example, i have The Dictator, the King of the Graveyard, the Esher, the Evereffervescence, and the topic of this discussion- the Weeping Cardinal. the Weeping Cardinal, in the easiest way i could describe it, is effectively a paradoxical yearing and negative reinforcement loop that my brain can fall into, exemplifying one of my catch 22s in regards to romantic love. i am in pain because i do not and cannot have that sort of love becauses me to be in pain. the feeling is a disgusting yearning yet something so beautiful and human within me.

speaking of human, my inhumanity has a part to play in this mess as well, as because of it i have effectively convinced myself i am not ever capable of doing romantic love healthily and properly. my inhumanity is not just from my therianthropy is why this is.

now, for that second catch 22. when my mind makes the mistake of falling in love with somebody, i do not act normally toward them, as i find it harder to regulate myself as i often do in the face of such strong and specific attraction, therefore i begin to fear that the integrity of the friendship may be at stake, but then if such a love for some reason progressed, i would be now in a relationship that is obviously doomed to fail for the previously mentioned reasons i said before, leaving me with my second catch 22. if i don't do the relationship, the friendship will be jeopardized, and if i do, then the friendship will be jeopardized.

and now you know why i don't do romance in the best way i can explain. welcome to my love dilemmas. i want to give the world to my friends but i do not have the means to do so, i want to save the world but i may not be able to, and i yearn for romance but know i could never do it, so i shut myself off from it.

this post isn't meant to be negative, as i hope the first half really exemplified just how much love is in my heart and how much i love you, yes You! even if you're somebody i haven't met yet or somebody i want gone permanently from my life, i love you a lot and hope you can return the favor by loving those around you just as unconditionally.

happy pride month :)

[b4nanaa]

Everything takes time, and I'll be fine (again)

Social relationships: Those were a major impact on how I viewed myself and my form of self. The people I chose to associate with were what influenced my personality as well as how I saw myself. It took a lot of cutting people off to figure out who I really was and the person I wanted to be. It changed how I saw myself. My lack of social relationships also played a role in it.

Self: For the longest time, I had no idea who I was because of all the muddled social relationships. I didn’t like myself and was told who I was, it was bad. I felt like everything I felt and did was wrong.

Physical World: I actually longed for real escapism. I wanted to run away physically because I felt as if that would be freeing. I just wanted an escape from all my problems and my feelings, and I hoped that by actually leaving it would free me.

I remember when I was twelve, I was hearing about how a lot of kids around my age were beginning to develop depression and anxiety. Classmates had it, my friends apparently had it, and the silliest thing is that for some reason, that made me feel left out. I wanted to be suffering too and be given special attention and sympathy for it. So I made myself sad on purpose and began crying to my mother and brother about how I had 'mild depression', to which they both took seriously and considered looking into therapy. Thankfully, I was able to grow a conscious and talk them out of it. I didn't have any real problems at the time that truly required a therapist.

When I look back on my life, I wouldn't say I had a troubled life. I had a relatively good childhood with it's ups and downs every now and then, as any kid would, but I was loved and happy. I made friends despite my introverted personality and had plenty of relationships. Although if I were to pinpoint a life where I struggled deeply, it was during my junior and senior year of high school, and my social relationships played a large part in it. The people I had in my life had a time, platonic or romantic, plays a large part in my sense of self, and they did especially during my last years of school.

I wouldn't describe my high school experience the same as others. While some had it worst, I think we can all say that the pandemic changed a lot of our lives during that period, especially when it came to school. I had been finishing my freshman year when it hit. What had began as a two week vacation spiraled into a long period of social isolation. I was already a shy kid that was starting to come out of her shell in the first year of high school only for it to be ripped away from her. During it, I lost friends either from conflict or us drifting away, and I began to feel lonely like many others. There wasn't any good way for you to meet others or make friends when most of your classes are online, and even when we returned to school in person, the climate was quiet. Students were unfamiliar with one another and hesitant to approach each other with the risk of Covid. Clubs like DND, one that I had been in originally, didn't survive through the pandemic. So for quiet introvert like myself, I found it hard to find new people. It didn't help that I didn't have anyone to rely on, I had mostly drifted away from my old friends and had broken up with someone I had once been close with.

The only person I was relying on was my boyfriend at the time, one I had been dating with since middle school. And that was a TERRIBLE relationship. I was too young and immature to see that we were unhealthy for each other. I was blinded by a sense of 'love' and a fear of being alone, that I justified our countless and pointless arguments as me needing to change so I didn't trigger disagreements. I excused behavior that upset me, I adjusted my personality to better suit his interests and keep the relationship a float, I blamed myself for it's problems. All because I didn't want to lose him and be alone. It was through that relationship where I suppose I began to lose my sense of self. It was muddled and murky with a conflicting desire to change and please him, yet I also hated him and how I was always the one to fix things. I let him belittle and insult me, and I let him get away with it. I even believed some of it too.

If I had to summarize my four years with him, I would say it was a rollercoaster with a lot of fights and insults, and a lot of me crying and apologizing while running back to him.

I remember one thing he always pointed to as a problem was how 'sensitive' I was. I was too emotional, I overreacted too much, and I believed it all without giving a second thought that perhaps, maybe, I was a little justified in my feelings. But I always put his view of my self over how I saw it. I only saw it through his lenses. It was during that period I began to develop a desire for escapism. An escape from my loneliness and an escape from him. I wanted to physically run away from my life, jump from city to city without ever returning or staying in one place. I remember being in class and having the desire to just jump out of the window and fly away. Being with him began to feel suffocating and I felt more drained the longer I stayed. I began to feel apathetic to him and everything, to the point that one day when I was with him, I felt completely numb to him entirely.

When I think of that relationship, I felt like that was what first love really felt like. A burst of passion, youth who were infatuated and obsessed with each other, so much so they were blind to their flaws. I loved him dearly and every second of my waking day was spent with him. Even at night, we stayed up calling and fell asleep on the phone just to stay with each other. I felt as if that was what real love was. Someone that truly loved you and accepted you, someone that you actually enjoyed being around with. He was every bit like that. And again I began to build my life around my relationship. He was the source of my happiness and the only person I wanted to talk to, and it was him that kept my mental health afloat.

Writing it out, I think it's easy to see how quickly it went bad. We rushed into a relationship and were clearly heavily infatuated with one another to the point I became co-dependent on him for my social life and my well being. So when he began having his own life and needing space for himself, I began to spiral and struggle. I began comparing myself to him and envying him for being able to build relationships so easily with others while I barely could. Self loathing slowly consumed me the more I compared myself to him, to my old friends for being able to make new friends or know what they wanted to do in school. With that self hatred came anxiety, leading to me crying more often and starting fights within my relationship. This led to a perpetual cycle where I would become paranoid and emotional, start a fight, and then my anxiety would grow from the tension I caused. It led to me hating myself more as I found more and more flaws, and less things to like myself. I fell back into blaming myself and back into the need for escapism.

Most days and nights I spent crying in sessions of berating myself for my feelings or every mistake I had ever done. It was my fault for ruining things, for causing my own suffering, and I was a terrible person in my mind. I couldn't tell from right or wrong anymore, it was all a murky mush.

I hated myself, I hated my life, I wanted to end it all without actually dying. I just had to get out of my life. I began to sleep in and come late to school, or outright skip it because I was too depressed to bother. I remember waking up one day at 10 am, two hours after classes had already started. There was a heavy weight on my chest that felt like a continuous spiral; rotating and scratching up against my skin to be freed, to explode out. I was too lazy to bother with the walk to the train station and opted for a bus ride instead. But it was the same feeling of wanting to run that burst in me again. I didn't want to go to school, I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to be anywhere. I wanted to go somewhere I didn't escape. So when I arrived at my stop, I stayed. I stayed on till I had to take the train, and then took it to go as far as to the end to leave it all behind.

However despite being in an unfamiliar station, far from my school and everything I had ever known, I still felt the need to cry. To break down and sob. Nothing felt right anymore and nothing felt like home anymore. I had no one to turn to in my mind and the person I did want to go to, I couldn't because I would only mess things up.

So in the end, leaving the physical world I had known did nothing. So I rode the train back home.

My relationship didn't last too long. Right when our one year anniversary was coming up, he ended up breaking up with me. At the time, I had been friends with a girl that had introduced to me to him, and I turned to her for advice.

[daturanerium]

i've been thinking about griddlehark recently, especially since i've listened to the gideon audiobook for the first time. i love them lots! but i had forgotten just how terrible harrow was to gideon in the beginning, and how blindly devoted gideon was to harrow (even when they were mortal enemies). i'm not sure if i'd be happy with them becoming canon without completely addressing that, so i'm going to talk about what i would like to see happen in alecto to deal with the power imbalance.

as someone who's been in a very similar position to gideon (being a punching bag to someone i'm devoted to out of love) i can speak from experience when i say that it sucks. i currently do not have much of a relationship with that person anymore, but gideon clearly wants to pursue one with harrow--whether that be platonic or romantic.

right now griddlehark are suffering from a severe power imbalance with harrow coming out on top. even during htn, harrow made choices for gideon without consulting her first or considering how it would affect her (mainly the lobotomy, which clearly bothered gideon based on how she talked about it in act five--or rather, didnt). harrow tormented gideon for her entire life. i feel like people tend to brush over this or treat it as a child's rivalry instead of treating it as it was (or how i read it to be): constant, unrelenting abuse. harrow canonically tried to kill gideon multiple times throughout their childhood. by the time we reach gtn, it almost seems like tormenting gideon is a game for harrow, considering the way she handled gideon's escape attempt. she pulled it away at the very last second for no other reason (that we know of) than to make gideon feel the worst. obviously we know now that harrow is fucked up in her own way. growing up mostly without parents, with incredibly high expectations based around being a literal war crime and the only surviving necromancer in the royal line, she's desperate to find and cling onto any control she can get over anything and anyone. she's gone through an incredible amount of character development within the last two books. i'm a huge fan of that! i think it's very safe to say that harrow cares about gideon as an equal and wants her friendship--the entirety of htn is basically a tragic love letter to her. but that doesn't make the lasting impact of how she acted go away.

on the other hand, gideon has apparently always been devoted to harrow: on page 332 of gtn she says that she was "hungry for the Reverend Daughter's occupation" in her youth, and strongly implies that she endured harrow's ceaseless beatings and torment because it was the only thing gideon received other than people blindly hating her or ignoring her. harrow was fascinated and obsessed with her in a terrible, violent way, but at least it was something. this is, of course, worsened after gideon walks in on harrow after The Incident. that, mixed with the overhanging inherent power imbalance of gideon being harrow's/the locked tomb's indentured servant since birth, means that gideon has never known a life free of harrow's control over her. being devoted to harrow is gideon's norm--she's literally never known anything different. and, on top of that, she's never expected anything in return. hoped, maybe, but never expected. gideon tries to leave but is stopped every time by harrow; the only way gideon is able to experience her first bout of "independence" is through caanan house, which was an opportunity given to her by harrow. harrowhark has been a constant in gideon's life since she was one year old. gideon relied on her for some semblance of normalcy and a twisted form of recognition. gideon goes through a lot of character development in caanan house as well, and we get to watch her and harrow start to deconstruct their corrupted relationship and reform it into something better and healthier. but even then, gideon still ends up making the ultimate sacrifice for "the Ninth": aka harrow, since she states not five pages before that she doesn't actually care about the Ninth at all and is only doing this for her (that is open to interpretation, but i think it's safe to say that gideon's main reason for jumping was to save harrow regardless of how you interpret her last words). later, at the end of htn, gideon still doesn't expect much from harrow in return. "harrowhark, i gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it." comes to mind. it's not about whether or not the statement is true, it's about what gideon believes based on harrow's past actions. the idea of harrow refusing gideon's sacrifice is more believable to her than harrow succumbing to her grief. i'm not even sure if gideon knows about the lobotomy. if someone told her, would she believe them?

so, right now, we have one person desperate for control and the other hopelessly devoted to a fault. both harrow and gideon are far different women now than they were at the beginning of gtn! they're in the middle of their character arcs right now. here's how i would like to see griddlehark rekindle their relationship in a healthy way:

gideon spends a lot of time harrow-free. she learns what life is like without harrow present. she gets to discover herself without harrow there. gideon still cares about harrow, obviously, and will spend time trying to find and reconnect with her. i hope that in the meantime she gets to find herself as an individual! she needs to see that she is more than just "harrow's mortal enemy" or "harrow's cavalier". she is someone outside of her relationship with harrow, whatever that relationship may be. when she reunites with harrow, i hope that it's a choice that gideon makes, not because harrow asks for her.

when reunited, harrow takes full responsibility and accountability for her past actions against gideon. this has sort of happened, but only in the sense of harrow's self-loathing: she gets angry during the pool scene in gtn, but that's based around "i was awful to you, why are you being kind to me"; not really an apology. later, she asks gideon if she forgives her and gideon says yes--but harrow never apologized. in my opinion, no forgiveness is true if there's no apology. i'd like to see harrow fully recognize her past actions--and, more specifically, how they affected gideon. she's focused a lot on how they impacted herself, but even in the pool scene (as much as i love it) gideon's feelings were mostly sidelined. by harrow taking accountability, both of them can continue their path to healing and growing their relationship. (also, harrow Officially releasing gideon from her duty to the locked tomb as an indentured servant would be really nice. i know with everything going on it's technically moot but i think it would still mean a lot, especially on the road to equalizing their relationship)

gideon and harrow acting as equal partners! we caught the beginnings of this in the second half (especially the end) of gtn, but they haven't really had a chance to flesh (heh) it out since. i'm really looking forward to that!

i really love these characters. they're some of my favorites, ever--and that's saying something, because i've read a lot of books. harrow especially has had some of the most enjoyable character development i've read in a long time. we're in the middle of the series and there's still lots of loose ends to tie up! i just hope this is one of them.

[thefanficmonster]

Just Another One

Sequel to: ‘A Little Bit Of Honesty’

Corpse Husband x Actress!Reader (Female)

Warnings: Angst, Heartbreak, Mention of bad past relationships, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Romance, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: They keep proving each other right in the most wrong ways possible. They each want to be guarded even if that means the other will be hurt. Maybe that’s what they want - to hurt one another because they’ve already hurt each other once before.

Requested by the lovely readers who enjoyed the previous fic ‘A Little Bit Of Honesty’. Sorry for the large time gap between the posting of the two fics but I still hope you guys will take the time to read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love you all with all my heart, Vy ❤

When you go out of your way to avoid leaving the house your options of entertainment are severely limited and you can’t blame anyone or anything but yourself for it. Today, I wouldn’t have gone out of my apartment even if I was one of those people who frequent the outdoors seeing as how the sky is trying to flood the Earth with all this nonstop rain. It does set a mood for a perfect night in but when you spend all your nights in doing the same thing over and over again, the atmosphere is practically meaningless. And so I ‘ve decided to resort to channel surfing as though I’ll find something interesting on TV that I haven’t yet seen on one of my social media timelines.

I pass several cooking channels on my journey, making a mental note of their individual numbers in case I don’t stumble across anything capable of better distracting me from my boredom and loneliness that’s slowly starting to creep in. I pass by a few movie channels showing teenage romcoms as if to celebrate the start of summer so you can imagine how quickly I moved on from those. Then come the celebrity channels which can often get a laugh out of me because of how pathetic and unbelievably ridiculous they are. And so, I stick around one where there’s a broadcast on a movie showing that’s happening tonight in LA. Oddly enough, despite my anxiety, going to a movie showing has always been on my list of things I’d want to do. This can be considered living vicariously or rubbing salt into the wound that I’ll probably never go because my anxiety and fear of being recognized is too severe. Either way I stick around to watch it.

And man do I regret it now looking at several different angels of a couple of actors entering the venue where they are to be photographed and asked questions by the mob of paparazzi that’s gathered due to the massive event. That in and of itself doesn’t sound - and really isn’t - so bad. However, it’s important to note that the actress in this duo is Y/N. Y/N L/N. My Y/N....shit, sorry, I mean my FRIEND Y/N, her arm linked with whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is who is holding an umbrella above the both of them, shielding them from the downpour of rain that is also taking place in LA apparently.

“The two were seen entering the venue earlier this evening, looking particularly cozy in each other’s presence if I do say so myself. The rain probably worked nicely in their favor.“ The first reporter says, her teasing tone of voice sending chills of anger down my spine as I glare at the screen, hands balled in fists, jaw clenched - all my body’s instinctive reactions to what is being shown to me. I know I technically have no right to behave or feel this way, in fact I should be fucking happy for Y/N and her successful career and the progress in her love life. But damn it how can I?! I was so damn close to kissing this girl! I was so fucking close to falling in another trap, tripping and landing in the embrace of another liar and user, another girl who switches partners more often than shoes. How could I’ve been so reckless to get so close to her even platonically? How did we become close enough for me to 1) show her my face; 2) start inviting her over to my apartment regularly; and how didn’t I notice the kind of messed up person she was all that time.

She was all sweet and flirting and shit a week or so ago and now she’s doing the exact same thing with him! The cameras are capturing them perfectly: every laugh, every exchange of a knowing look or nod, ever smack to his arm when he tells a joke. But what bothers me most is the many times he’s wrapped his arm around her to pull her closer. Not just for pictures, but just because the fucker felt like it! And Y/N doesn’t seem to mind it at all. 

“They have been the talk of the town recently, so while they could just be adding fuel to the fire, they could also have been caught by the flame and ‘caught feelings’ as they say. Regardless these two are a view we’d like to see more often.“ The other reporter says and that’s the final straw.

In one swift motion I turn the TV off and throw the remote across the room. It hits the wall and falls to the ground in several pieces, broken by the force of the impact. Just like I am broken by the force of the impact of these news. I don’t know which is worse: the fact that I fell for her and almost let her know it; the fact that she’s just another member of the club I don’t want anywhere near my life; or the fact that I can’t believe it.

Yeah that’s right - one foolish part of me refuses to believe that’s she’d do such a thing. I think that’s the same part which is still in awe of her so you can bet I ignore that part the majority of the time.

She is just another one. Not the one. Having been hurt before doesn’t mean she won’t hurt me or anyone else she’s gonna be with. Hurt people hurt people.

And damn has she hurt me, probably without knowing a damn thing. How selfish can you be, Y/N? How selfish can you really get? And how much am I going to allow you to hurt me?

                                                             *  *  *

“Thank you so much, Andrew. I would’ve died on the spot of anxiety if I was on my own.“ I say to my best friend who is currently sitting next to me on a park bench, in a tux, eating a cheeseburger. I too am still in my gown and am also gorging on a cheeseburger of my own.

“Don’t mention it. Us anxious people need to stick together.“ He bumps his shoulder against mine, stealing a small genuine smile from me, “Plus I couldn’t not come with you. You know how much I like a good rumor.“

I scoff, “Of course you do, but then again there was no need to add to what the media has already made a whole-ass ship out of.” I roll my eyes and take another bite. My appetite hasn’t been in its best condition so I’m only eating this under Andrew’s orders. I have no idea how people can ship us romantically, he’s the definition of an older - and very bossy - brother to me. I wish I could tell each and every single one of those girls who hate me because I’ve ‘stolen their man’ that I’d most likely be their sister in law rather than man snatcher, seeing as how my relationship with Andrew is so sibling-like.

That’s because we’re too alike, no one gets that. People play the ‘opposites attract’ car more often than I consider rational. But  then again when they see a couple like Andrew and I - who are basically the same person in different bodies - they suddenly think we’re super compatible. Trust me, we’re not. And everyone who’s been on set with us will tell you the same.

“What can I say...“ he shrugs, smirking at me, “I like the fun. I bet Becca doesn’t though.“

I can’t help but huff. Andrew is the only one I’ve ever openly expressed my frustrations with Rebecca to. He was super helpful on the subject, seeing as how he can relate - many partners of his have tried to use him, some of which even succeeded. He’s more than qualified to school me on the topic but it turned more into sharing bad experiences. One of which was that instance back at Corpse’s apartment.

“And neither does Corpse I suppose.“ As though he’s read my mind, he pokes the hurt spot, pouring salt in the wound causing me to visibly cringe as though the pain was physical - because it was, I felt it in my chest and in my gut, a sharp stab of guilt and regret. 

Why did I let it come to that? Why did I let us get so close? How did I not think of the consequences?

“I don’t care if he does or doesn’t.“ My hand automatically reaches for the pocket of the jeans I’m not even wearing in search of a cigarette. Not that I’d be able to light one even if I had them on me - Andrew would smack it out of my hand before I could even take a single puff.

He has the audacity to laugh, “You’re such a bad liar, Y/N.”

That’s all he needs to say really - that’s enough to make me feel seen and understood. Though that’s not always a good thing. I often times wish he couldn’t read me so well. Better said: I wish I didn’t let myself be so readable, you know. I’m just glad he’s the one who sees me because if it were anyone else they’d use this vulnerability of mine against me. I’m well aware that it’s a weakness, a really inconvenient one, but damn it I can’t get rid of it. I feel like I’ll be less human if I lose it. Everyone’s allowed to be vulnerable, some just are lucky enough to choose who they’ll be vulnerable around. I’m lucky enough to to have a choice, not so lucky in the people I choose to trust. Guess that’s not a luck thing, it’s just my inability to decipher whether a person is worth all the pain and torture of coming clean to them or not. So far many people have burnt me but two stick out in particular - Becca and Corpse. Corpse especially, which is the odd thing considering he hasn’t even wronged me in any way. At least not yet.

“Your phone’s vibrating.“ Andrew says, pulling me out of my overflowing head when he hands me my phone which I handed to him because of my dress’ lack of pockets.

“Thanks.“ I mutter through a sigh as I take it from him, checking the notification I’ve gotten.

My stomach drops: it’s a message from Corpse.

“Hey I saw you are in LA but we have a stream tomorrow, will you still be participating?“

Before I can reply, he sends me another message.

“I know you’re probably very busy but we get the most viewership on the streams when you’re in them so....“

I’ve probably been staring at my phone screen for longer than I thought since Andrew felt the need to make sure I was still breathing: “Hey, you ok? You look terribly pale.” I can barely hear him let alone reply. I can’t hear my own thoughts to know what to reply to him. “Y/N, you’re scaring me.”

I’m scaring myself too, Andrew. I’m scared too. I’m scared of how broken my picker has become. I almost kissed this guy! I almost entrusted all my thoughts, hopes, wishes and goals to him! What the fuck was I thinking?! Well, at least I know what he was thinking about - viewership. Likes, subs, views, publicity. The more eyes on the stream the better for him and everyone else. I genuinely want to applaud him, no one has been so direct about using me before. I was in a relationship with Becca for almost a year before I accidentally found out what she had been doing the whole time. No one’s ever smacked me in the face with this much honesty. It’s bittersweet really.

I want to laugh, I want to cry, slap myself across the face, slap him...I want to do so much, but all I can do now is sit in silence and think of how I could be so stupid.

He’s just another one, how did I not see that? How do I never see it until it’s too late? Why is one part of me still screaming: ‘He didn’t mean it like that!’

AND WHY THE FUCK DO I WANT TO BELIEVE IT?

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[vampireinterview]

It has come to my attention that some of you have not been made aware of the fact that Plato was well known for being a Destiel shipper, in addition to the fact that he also wrote some philosophical works on the side. Let me explain.

Plato was an Athenian thinker whose real name was Aristocles (Plato most likely comes from the Greek word for ‘broad”, he might have been so jacked that people nicknamed him for his wide shoulders, which is irrelevant to the topic at hand but I’m collecting receipts on my hypothesis that all hellers are physical beheamoths). His work regarding the philosophy of love can be interpreted through the lens of the Deancas love story, which can potentially lead us to discover the very essence of what makes Destiel so impactful and universal, so bear with me, I’ll make it as introductory as possible.

Plato’s Symposium is a dialogue which contains the philosopher’s basic view on what love can be. The influence of the aforementioned text has been so strong that even those of us who are blissfully unaware of its contents have heard of the concept of “platonic love”. It is with great disappointment that I have to inform you about the fact that the way in which the term is colloquially used can be considered quite removed from the core idea of what Plato’s love is supposed to be about. Commonly people utilize it to refer to a non-romantic and non-sexual emotion towards an individual. However, even though the extrasensory love was the end goal, it was never too far distanced from the earthly, carnal desire that was supposed to lay the foundation for greater experiences.

One of the most illustrative elements of the Symposium is no doubt the Love Ladder metaphor (also known as Diotima’s Ladder of Love, the Scala Amoris); Plato believes the act of loving to be a part of the process of initiation into the non-material world of ideas. Every step of the ladder helps one approach the transcendence of one’s soul, and so we can single out six steps to immortal absolutes:

1. The first step is developing an appreciation for a particular person. It’s a very much carnal (though not necessarily conventionally sexual) desire for beauty of a specific individual. According to Plato only through the love of the physical can one love the non material. The visceral infatuation with another’s body is often strongly rooted with the self-hatred of one’s own aesthetical poverty: within the carnal love we seek to find that which our own body lacks. The desire between Dean and Cas doesn’t have to be seen as strictly sexual, as the appreciation of beauty does not warrant a conventionally erotic subtext. This sort of fascination with the flesh is most noticeably highlighted in the many “eye sex” scenes in seasons 4-5, and is later brought up by Hester:

The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost. 

2. The second step stems from the appreciation for all physicality derived directly from the love one has for the lover’s form. It’s fleshed out any time Dean finds beauty in the dark times, where he would have never found it before or when Cas sees humanity through the lens of the love he has for the beauty within Dean Winchester. This step is all about finding the allure in everybody, not in spite of but rather because of having fallen for a specific person’s material form.

3. The next step is a love which transcends the physical and teaches an individual to feel affection towards the souls. The attraction one can experience in relation to that which is non material is precisely what takes the function of the driving force behind both Castiel’s and Dean’s decisions in season 6 and onward (arguably even much earlier for Cas? or even Dean? Maybe we’re talking about season 4?). As evidenced by the apparent lack of attraction Dean experiences towards Jimmy himself, he must have already moved on to this stage (the Cas he loves is not just the vessel he inhabits). Castiel on the other hand feels heavily infatueted with Dean’s spiritual allure (even when he’s physically on the verge of a breakdown, he’s still beautiful, still Dean Winchester). 

4. It is only then that one can find love for the institution. If one worships souls, then one also has to worship the product of those souls: and, sure enough, loving humanity led Castiel to love its structures and ethical systems and be willing to die fighting for them. In the later seasons he exhibits fascination over all the little rules that guide an average human’s life (which is especially fleshed out in his season 7 dialogues, where he contemplates all the small details of the societal structure, ie: how important is lipstick to you?, maybe the human institutions should ban its production). Same can be said of Dean: the customs and traditions of other people are subject to his affectionate protection in the later seasons, which sets s6 and onwards Dean apart from the early seasons Dean who cared mostly about his blood relatives. The found family arc was for him a process of growing attached to the order of life which was previously foreign to him, and him learning to navigate functioning within a big family structure and an organization (the last one is physically manifested by his move from a chaotic life spent at random motels to living at the bunker, property of the institution of Men Of Letters).

5. Then comes the deep appreciation of knowledge. Now, it is widely disputed whether what Plato meant should be strictly narrowed down to just one kind of knowledge (in many English translations you might encounter the word ‘science’, though used in the ancient sense). The process of gaining knowledge is often equated with the understanding of ideas in Plato’s work, therefore we’re going to stick with that. The act of loving the process of discovering both the external and the internal world is a strong factor which pushes Dean to self examination, or the examination of the inner psyche. It is that pursuit of knowledge that is the very coronation of his entire character arc: the realization of his role within the story (”I’m not the ultimate killer”) which was directly derived from the act of loving Cas.

6. The final stage of platonic love is reaching the love of the very concept of Love. Once again, interpretations vary, but for the sake of the argument, I’ll clarify that: the discussed kind of love transcends both the body and the soul. An individual is in love with Beauty, not just one of it’s physical or spiritual manifestations. In my opinion, this stage is extremely well depicted during the 15x18 confession scene, for it is a kind of love achieved by Castiel. He is no longer just in love with the body or soul of Dean, he’s also in love with the sole idea of loving him. He quite literally states that he’s fallen in love with the idea of just being, just saying it, just falling in love. 

Upon achieving this state, he transcends his material conditions both by leaving the human world (his move to another dimension - the Empty - could be just an illustrative manifestation of the transcendental move of his essence) and giving birth to a new world order. The way in which he later on goes to rebuild Heaven and give birth to a completely new, structure of the universe is in line with a concept that Plato ties into the finale step of the Ladder - pregnancy of the soul. At one point in Symposium he describes Diotima saying that:

That in that life alone, when he looks at Beauty in the only way that Beauty can be seen--only then will it become possible for him to give birth not to images or virtue (Because he’s in touch with no images), but to true virtue (Because he is in touch with the true Beauty).

What is the christian equivalent and personification of the true idea of Virtue if not the abstract concept of Heaven? The moment Cas creates a new portrayal of Virtue he finishes the Ladder. It could also be argued that the true pregnancy of the soul was actually finished when Jack ascended to the status of God: an entity which belongs to the realm of ideas and is perfect by its very nature is birthed through Castiel’s love (which can be traced back to the feelings he has for Dean Winchester).

And it is the fact that Dean’s arc got stuck on the fifth stage of the Ladder that causes me so much pain. He dies before transcending and experiencing the non-temporal and non-relative feeling of love that one can gain only through the admiration of beauty itself. His life was cut short and his soul has already left the mortal, physical world, therefore he is forever unable to experience the feeling of loving Love and Virtue so much that his soul gives birth to an unbreakable idea.

In conclusion: if you ever see somebody say that Dean and Castiel’s relationship is platonic, just agree. It is very much so platonic in the sense that through their carnal and spiritual desires they’ve manged to (nearly, in Dean’s case) transcend their material conditions and reached the divine aspect of ideal Beauty and Virtue, rooted in a love that’s so deep that it’s perfectly able to redefine the structure of one’s existence.

tagging some people who have vaguely expressed interest in acquiring the third eye:

@cryptcas​ @futureheadnerd​ @doctorprofessorsong​ @sinnabonka​ @theangelwiththewormstache​ @absoluteheller​ @fivefeetfangirl​ 

[wizardcommune]

gundham sfw alphabet

pairing - gundham tanaka x gn!reader

warnings - none!!

word count - 1.8k

a/n - FUCK YEAH GUNDHAM (also i apologize, i got lazy near the end)

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

in the beginning of the relationship, he would definitely be very hesitant to show physical or verbal affection since it wasn’t something he was used to. he’d show his love with acts of service and giving, most likely. (giving his s/o one of the devas if he knew they’d be separated for a short period of time, bringing them small trinkets he found like pretty rocks or bones, helping them with homework, etc.)

as time goes on, though, he’d become more comfortable with showing physical affection and would grow to become a huge cuddle bug!!! please hug him for me

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend?)

literally the coolest friend ever. especially if you had an alternative fashion sense, he’d be so down to go clothes shopping with you LMAO

if you were okay initiating physical affection outside of a romantic relationship, and were able to make him comfortable with that, he’d totally be That Friend who cuddles with you all the time!! he’d never mention it though, and would die on impact if you brought it up in front of any of his other friends/classmates

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

once he’s comfortable with it, yeah! he’s definitely super touch starved because of him not having friends most of his life, so having someone to cuddle would make his brain go ^^^^^

honestly, he’s good with any position so it’s up to his s/o. he prefers being able to see their face, though

the first time he ever cuddled with them he cried :(( shh don’t tell anyone though

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

man that’s his DREAM!! the idea of just getting to live with his s/o + animals makes his serotonin machine go BRR

honestly, i think he would fucking suck at cooking. baking, however. :))

because of having to clean up after his animals and keep things out of their way, he would naturally be a pretty neat person out of habit!! i don’t think he’d mind too much if his s/o was messy though.

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I DIDNT DO THIS ONE BECAUSE IT MADE ME SAD IM SORRY

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

gundham already sets up so many walls, and for his s/o to be able to break those down would already mean he’d be willing to commit. i don’t think he would ever just like.... date random people for funsies, so being in a romantic relationship with someone is already so big to him.

honestly, i can’t see him being the type to want to get married. he’d definitely want to settle down! but the idea of having a traditional wedding stresses him out. (of course, that doesn’t mean he’d be any less committed :))

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

dealing with small animals like the devas has left him gentle by nature!! he doesn’t even notice it, but he is always extremely careful with his s/o with the subconscious fear of accidentally hurting them/scaring them off :(

emotion wise, i think it’d be the same. when he cares about someone (whether it be romantic or platonic) he’s always cautious of teasing them too much since he knows that it can hurt sometimes. 

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

HE FUCKINGNF LOVES HUGS

they’re probably SO good too, like he’s the type to give those hugs that make you feel so safe. full on wraps his arms completely around you and rests his head on yours if you’re shorter (since he’d such a fucking giraffe my god)

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

it would definitely take a while for gundham to admit it. i can see him saying it on accident, like when he thinks you’re sleeping or not paying attention to him. he’d also need a lot of reassurance afterwards, just because of that initial fear of rejection

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

if he sees someone flirting with his s/o and they’re uncomfortable, he’ll immediately wrap an arm around their shoulder.

“they said they’re taken, respect that knave.”

sometimes he does get insecure that’s he’s too much for his s/o, considering he’s an evil tyrant, and that they might want to leave him for someone who’s..... not an evil tyrant.... (once again, please give him a hug)

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

like i said before, he’s very gentle when it comes to affection so his kisses are vv soft!! he’ll always hold their chin or one of their hands.

his favorite places to kiss his s/o are probably their forehead and hands!!

he loves being kissed everywhere, but he really likes neck kisses and any kisses around his face :^)

l = little ones (How are they around children?)

he’s great with kids!! he’d tell them stories of how he defeated different warlocks that tried to test him, or giant manticores he tamed.

i think he’d really like kids too, mostly because they’re so easy to impress LMAO

it inflates his ego a little bit whenever one gets really into one of his stories

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

if he wakes up before his s/o, he’d gently pull them into a hug while he waits for them to wake up (sobbing)

morning voice morning voice morning voice morning voice morning v

he memorized how his s/o likes their tea/coffee and will make it really groggily HAHA

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

okokok hear me out

i think that gundham is a really good singer, so he would 100% sing u to sleep

he’d be embarrassed as hell though LMAOO

he’d probably cuddle them before they fall asleep and talk about each other’s days or just random stuff until they get tired

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

i think a few months into their friendship? he would talk about his childhood randomly, but would prefer if they don’t make a huge deal about it.

he’d open up more if his s/o did first! he would take it as they trust him enough to talk about it.

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

it depends on the person! with someone like hiyoko, he can get pissed pretty quickly, but his patience is VERY thick with his s/o. generally, it takes a lot to anger him. 

that being said, if they put themself in danger he would get ticked off out of fear.

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

especially in the beginning of their relationship when he was hesitant about physical/verbal affection, he would focus heavily on listening to them. he really wanted to show them that he respects them a lot, and remembering small things they mentioned would convey that well.

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

after coming out of the shower, he walked in to see them asleep on his couch with the devas curled up on top of their chest. he went to go lay down with them and it just kind of.. hit him. that he wasn’t alone anymore and they loved and were there for him. :( 

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

he’s very protective!! (especially if you’re in the killing game) the thought of something happening to you is his worst fear. 

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

ALL THE EFFORT

if his s/o asks him to do something in passing, you BET he’s gonna make sure he does his best

he keeps track of anniversaries/important dates religiously because he’s terrified of accidentally forgetting LMAO

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

sometimes i think he might come off as cold when embarrassed because his persona is so important to him, but if they expressed being upset he would backtrack SO fast

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

not very much?? like, i think he would brag about his hair or something sometimes but he’s always joking LMAO

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

yes and no? if something ever happened to his s/o, he would feel horribly empty for a time. but i also think that being in a relationship could help him not feel so lonely and teach him better ways to take care of himself, so if they were to ever split he would be able to heal after he got over the initial sadness.

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

he’s a Mitski Understander (TM) his favorite songs are crack baby, pink in the night, and i bet on losing dogs, i’m up for debate

and yes i absolutely will be making a gundham playlist

i don’t know if this counts since i’m 90% projecting, but i hc him as trans and ND so like. solidarity if you are too wink wonk

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

a/n - just so everyone knows, i honestly think every character would be fine with any type of person since projecting is so important to a lot of us. these are just my personal headcanons, and if they don’t apply to you please don’t take it personally!! <3

i think he would really want a kind s/o. especially with what he’s been through, someone who’s gentle/patient would mean the world to him

also someone who likes animals!! they mean so much to him and were basically his entire life until he met the others, so having someone who shared that interest would make him so happy

z = zzz (what is a sleep habits of theirs?)

it’s not uncommon for him to sleep with his animals!! he mostly just sleeps with the devas though; he would probably place them near his head or on his chest so he wouldn’t accidentally roll on them.

he also really likes cuddling with his s/o when they sleep! he wouldn’t mind being the big or little spoon, either.

[bbyboibinnie]

two of us

synopsis: love is hard to come by, especially when the boy you’ve been pining over is already taken. pairing: reader x jisung  genre: fluff, angst, romance, college au  warning: explicit language/cursing wc: 2.8k

one

It was halfway through your senior year in high school when you two had met. This was unexpected to say the least because it was the last semester of your last year; you had no intentions of making any new friends, considering you already had a handful of people you were close with and stuck by for the last three years. It was Chan that introduced you to him. You had known Chan for awhile–he was your lab partner for two consecutive years now–and although you considered him as a friend, you had never actually hung out outside of school before, unless it was for a group project of course. However, one day he had invited you to his birthday celebration and that was the day when you met his other friends, one of them being Jisung. 

“Woah, slow down there.” His word caught you by surprise as you were stuffing cupcakes in your mouth. You didn’t really know any of Chan’s friends at the time and socializing with new people didn’t exactly come by easily for you, so you had opted to linger around the snack table instead. 

Hastily dusting the crumbs off your face, you introduced yourself, “Oh, hey. My name is y/n.”

“I’m Jisung. I think we have calculus together right?” You looked at him closely; with black hair, deep brown eyes, and round cheeks you couldn’t lie–he was pretty cute, but you shook your head in response as you didn’t recognize him.

“Ya, Jisung! Come help me set up the cake!” Another one of the boys had called out, cutting your conversation with him short.

“Keep an eye out for me in calc.” He said as he was dragged away into the kitchen.

two

Sure enough, he was in the same math class as you. Honestly, besides your best friend in that period, you really didn’t pay attention to the other people. After all, the class was impacted and half of them were underclassmen so why bother remembering all the names and faces? 

It was the day after the party and you looked around at everyone in the class; it only took you a moment before you spotted him in a seat two rows over. The lecture hadn’t started yet so he was talking to his friends. You didn’t feel the need to get up to go over and spark a conversation or anything, but when you two made eye contact, you gave him a quick smile before turning back to face the front board. 

For a while, you two would occasionally spare glances at each other and wave or smile if you locked eyes, but there was nothing more. It wasn’t until after the latest exam when he approached you again.

“Hey, how’d you think you did?” He asked, waiting as you finished packing up your belongings. 

“Could’ve done better. What about you?” You made your way to the door and he followed suit.

“Just hoping for that passing grade. Anyway, Chan and I were going to meet up to grab food after class today, wanna come?” You debated going with them for a second but ended up agreeing anyways. 

You didn’t know what to make of Jisung at first, considering you had only exchanged a few words, but after hanging with him, even if it was just for a few hours, you found him to be quite likable. 

From then on, he stuck around and you didn’t mind, in fact, perhaps you enjoyed his presence a lot more than you were willing to admit. 

three 

High school came and went but you were ready to face the new challenges and opportunities that college presented. Most of your other friends had been accepted to places further away, but you had settled for community for the time being. For the most part, you were an independent person; therefore, you tried to not be clingy when your friends left to reach their own goals–you’d see them soon enough again–but you had been worried about starting this whole new chapter of your life alone, luckily for you, someone by the name of Han Jisung had enrolled right alongside you.

As days went by, you two were seen together more and more. Of course he met new people, and so did you, but it was always nice to have someone familiar to go back to and for you, that familiar face was Jisung, and for him, that person was you. 

Your majors were completely different and so were your classes, but you still spent time with him studying, ranting about professors, and passing out in each other’s rooms after staying up to finish assignments. 

“Hey, Jisung,” you whispered, trying to not startle him awake, “it’s almost midnight. You should probably head back to your place before it gets too late.” He was slumped over your desk, fingers lifelessly placed atop the keyboard of his laptop, already drifting into a deeper state of sleep. “Jisung.” You tried again, only to have him groan in response. Shaking your head, you draped a throw blanket over his figure before returning to your workload. 

It had gone on like this for weeks, months, nearly a year. One night he’d sleep over at your place and the next you’d be at his. Both of you had been accustomed to this routine now and you thought nothing of it, however, the more time you spent with him, the more you found things to like about him, and that’s what you were afraid of in the beginning–falling for him.

four 

You were never the type to fall head over heels for anyone, all throughout elementary, middle, and high school, you only had occasional crushes but nothing significant. Yet,

there was something about him that you couldn’t shake off. Maybe it was the way he always made stupid jokes that you couldn’t help but laugh at, or perhaps it was the way he played his guitar and share the new songs he wrote with you first before anyone else got to hear them. It was the smile that reached his eyes and the way he knew you so well, like the back of his hand. It was everything. 

You didn’t expect anything more out of the platonic relationship, but you couldn’t just get rid of the feelings on demand, so you had to let them settle and hope that they’d go away eventually, of course that didn’t work. 

five

Just because you saw Jisung differently, didn’t mean he would have the same outlook on you. 

“What do you think would make a good first date?” Jisung had asked casually over the counter. You were currently on shift at the local boba shop and Jisung often tagged along; typically he just sat there and did his homework as he waited, but on days where store traffic was low, he would ease your boredom by talking aimlessly. This particular caught you off guard though.

“Um, I’m not sure. Why do you ask?” You said, trying to sound casual, while restocking the ingredients.

“Well, I finally managed to receive a ‘yes’ after I asked someone out earlier today.” He said, smiling to himself in satisfaction. You were shocked, but at the same time, not at all. During the twelve months or so that you’ve known him, relationships weren’t a common topic of discussion. Yes, it did come up a few times but college and just life in general was already too time consuming so you didn’t bother with relationships, and neither did he.

“Wow, I’m impressed Jisung. I didn’t think anyone would fall for a clown like you.” You teased him, hoping your disappointment wasn’t showing. You knew that it was a platonic relationship and had set no expectations, yet you still felt a wave of sadness wash over.

“Oh, haha. Seriously though, I only prepared on how to ask them out, but I didn’t think past that because I wasn’t sure I’d even make it this far.”

“In that case, why don’t you consider what the person likes and try to set up something that you both would enjoy? Personally, I don’t think you could go wrong with arcade, pizza, and boba though. I could even hook you up with a discount on the boba.” You said jokingly in an attempt to lift your mood up. 

“What would I do without you? You better keep your word about that discount though. Oh shit, I gotta head back and finish my essay, see ya y/n. Also, text me when you get back to your place!” He shouted the last part as he was in the midst of exiting and the door jingled as it shut behind him. 

six

So his date had gone well and now his status went from ‘single’ to ‘taken’ while you were still struggling to manage your unrequited feelings. You had accepted the situation for what it was but that didn’t make it any easier. 

Naturally as he began to split his time between his new relationship and you, the time you spent with him dwindled down. Weekly study sessions became bi-weekly, which turned into monthly events. You didn’t hold this against him though, you were glad he found someone to connect with. 

“Hey, sorry I’m late… again.” Jisung said sheepishly as he entered your room, with a backpack slung over his shoulders, messy hair, and pink marks peeking out from under his t-shirt. You were flustered at the sight, knowing that he had just come back from being with his significant other, doing who knows what. 

“Uh, it’s okay. Just–let’s just get to studying.” You preoccupied yourself with your various notes and textbooks and tried you best not to be distracted. Suddenly, somewhere along the line, tension began to build. Maybe you were just imagining it but something had shifted between you and Jisung these days, and it gave you a sense of hopelessness because there was nothing you could do about it.

seven

More time had passed and your friendship was still afloat, but it definitely wasn’t the same as before. It seems like everything has its peak and you two have surpassed that; what goes up must come down, so it was all downhill from there. 

As his relationship became more unstable and doubts, he slowly began to make his way back to you. You should’ve been happy, even elated at this fact, but you weren’t. 

“I don’t know what happened. One minute we were fine and the next we were arguing. It’s like I am dating a different person now.” He expressed to you, once again at the boba shop you were still working at. It had actually been awhile since he came.

“Mmhhm.” You nodded wordlessly as you continued to spray down the tables with disinfectants.

“The argument was so petty, I should’ve known better than to engage in it.” The rant continued on and on and you had mindlessly agreed with everything he said, until he noticed you weren’t even paying attention.

“Y/n, are you even listening to me?” 

“Yup.”

“Okay, then will you give me your entire life savings?”

“Yes.”

“Y/n!” He shouted, getting up from his seat to stand directly in front of you on the other side of the counter. His loud voice startled you and you looked up, only to face a boy who was seething in anger. “Why are you blatantly ignoring me? I’m trying to rant to you and you’re not even helping.”

That was the last straw. 

“Listen, don’t come in here asking me to be your guidance counselor after cancelling our plans on dozens of occasions. Also, how could you really expect me to give you my time when you can’t even spare me a minute on any other day. You’ve been a real jerk lately and you haven’t even noticed it! I can’t believe I ever liked someone like you!” The indirect confession left your mouth before you could stop yourself, and he stood there absolutely dumbfounded. 

eight 

 That night, you immediately wanted to hide in the back of the store and hope whatever happened never happened, but you were tired of miscommunication.

“You like me?” Between the two of you, he was the one who had the courage to break the silence.

“Liked. I liked you. Past tense.”

“Do you still like me? Present tense.” 

“No, I don’t–or maybe. I don’t know right now.” You had mentally convinced yourself that you were over him, but trying to admit it out loud proved otherwise. 

“Y/n, I–” He started but you cut him off before he could finish.

“Maybe you should just go home now. I need some time to think.” He had hesitated for a moment, but eventually, he respected your wishes. 

nine

It had been over a week, nearing two weeks, since you’ve talked to him. You already had so much on your plate with finals coming around and constantly having to work, so this was not something you wanted to deal with now, or ever actually. But closure was necessary, for you and for him, so you decided that once finals were over, you’d set things straight.

Grabbing the phone off your nightstand, scrolled through your contacts to find his name.

(11:57 PM ) 

[ you ]  hey, we should talk after finals r over

You sent the text, hoping he’d want closure as well, but minutes passed there was no response. Just when you were about to sleep, your phone vibrated.

(12:05 AM)

[ jisung ] okay, see u after finals then. gn 

ten 

You had just gotten out of your last class of the day when he came into view. Frankly, you hadn’t expected to meet up with him until later on in the day, but that was your own mistake for not specifying when or where to meet in the text. Although this had slightly caught you off guard, you couldn’t put this off forever so you made your way towards him.

It was a relatively cold day; he stood there bundled up in his hoodie and a beanie atop which tamed his hair from the strong winds. 

“Hey.” You said as you stood face to face with him.

“Hey, it’s been awhile.” He responded, eyes softening when he saw you. 

* * * 

Together, you ended up walking back to his place to talk. Nothing much was said during the trip back, besides the occasional polite small talk like “how have you been?” and “how were finals?” 

When he opened his door, you entered wearily; although you had visited his place numerous times in the past, the last time you actually came by was months ago so it felt odd to be back to place so familiar, yet foreign again. 

You were grateful for the fact that it was so warm in his apartment because the weather outside had left your body feeling numb. 

“Here, I know you get cold easily.” Jisung handed you an extra sweater he pulled from his closet and you thanked him before sliding it over your shoulders. 

The both of you just stood in his living room, no one knew what to say or how to start the conversation, but you were here now so it was time to say everything you’ve felt. With a deep breath, you began. 

“I thought I could let go of my feelings for you, but I couldn’t.” You said, focusing on the floor as you couldn’t look him in the eyes. “And I’m sorry if this makes you feel uncomfortable or jeopardizes whatever is left of our friendship, but I can’t keep lying to myself anymore. If you don’t like me, then I’ll have to accept it and move on but I just had to let you kn-” 

Your spiel came to an abrupt stop when he drew you into his arms. Not knowing how to react, you were frozen from confusion and shock.

“Y/n, do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you?” He held you at arms length and gently titled your chin up so you could meet his gaze. “If I had known you liked me, I would’ve never looked at anyone else.”

His words were forming incoherent sentences in your head. Was this his confession? Did he feel the same way? 

He must’ve sensed your puzzlement because he smiled at you and said, “Yes dummy, I like you too.” 

Your immediate response was to smile, but then something dawned on you.

“What about your current relationship?”

“I’m no longer in a relationship. We have been broken up for nearly a month now.” 

“So what does that mean for us?” You say, almost too optimistically. And his response was to pull you in close, so close to the point where you could feel his breath fanning across your cheeks and your noses were barely touching, before closing the gap between your lips and his.

a/n: honestly, this piece is kind of all over the place since it’s my first one but hopefully more practice will make my writing better! also, this is not proofread so my apologies for any grammatical/punctuation errors. 

also here it my masterlist in case you want to read my other works!

[elpercotreviews]

Reviewing My Anime 10/10's *Relatively* Spoiler-Free

Note: What I rank a 10/10 is very specific and obviously very subjective to my own. Something can only be a 10/10 if I already consider it a 9/10 AND I must have rewatched it. I am someone who typically does not rewatch/reread anything, unless it's something I truly absolutely enjoy. With that being said, because of the requirements, I only have 4 animes that I rank 10/10, and tbh only one of those animes would get that ranking from the general anime audience. The rest are SO SO SO specific to my particular tastes that I would be absolutely stunned if someone also had the same four as me, because the requirement is so specific. Imma make another post eventually for my 9/10's because I think that list makes a lot more sense for a general anime audience lmaooo.

Soooo, in order of least personal to most personal (although obviously they're all personal to me lol) we have:

1. Psycho-Pass

Recommended for people who: are really into that dark dystopian future society vibes, are fans of Ghost in the Shell, like detective/crime stories

Okay, for a few people, this one actually probably makes some sense. At the moment, it has an 8.37 on myanimelist which means this anime is super well liked. I've watched this anime twice, first the original and then the second time I watched the director's cut (yes that exists lol). Overall, I'm a huge fan of the entire Psycho-Pass anime series as a whole. I've watched all three seasons, as well as two of the movies. I didn't watch any of the Sinners of the System ones cuz tbh I literally couldn't find an english sub of that anywhere, it just doesn't exist lol. I think it's okay cuz the ratings for the Sinners of the System trio of movies seems meh. I've actually watched Psycho-Pass the Movie like three/four times LMAO but that's simply cuz a movie is obviously much quicker to watch than an entire anime season. Like just objectively, the Psycho Pass series as a whole is very inconsistent in quality due to the fact that it's all original, so they do technically just make up everything as they go lol. Season two is all right (I think it gets more hate than it should), three is good but season one by far is the absolute best in the entire series. I'd argue the movie is technically my absolute favorite out of the whole IP, but I actually give the movie an 8/10. The movie, because of being obviously way shorter, simply does not have the deep controversial and philosophical lines of thought that season one has. It lacks that extra depth that would make me put it anything higher than an 8. The two main characters have good chemistry as a crime-fighting duo and the main villain's rivalry/relationship with the male lead is super compelling. The female lead is meant to be relatively naive/more on the innocent side which works with the plot as it allows the show to naturally explain and give more exposition as to the actual world and rules of Psycho-Pass without having it seem so ham-fisted or just throwing info to the audience.

2. Violet Evergarden

Recommended for people who: cry to sad movies, like gorgeous animation, are very empathetic, like vignette-esque storytelling

All right if you even remotely consider yourself an avid anime fan, then this anime is probably also somewhere on your 10/10 list or at least an anime you consider to be "very good." That is, unless you are that very vocal minority who simply really just REALLY do not like this anime for some god forsaken reason. However, in my honest opinion, I think an anime like this just really doesn't sit well with ... how do I put this blunty ... people who do not give a fuck about other people or anyone else's feelings but their own. Basically, IF YOU ARE SELFISH, A NARCISSIST, EGOTISTICAL, OR ANY SORT OF COMBO OF THOSE THREE, YOU WILL NOT LIKE THIS ANIME. And if you do, you probably don't think you're any of those things. Because of the anime's very premise, I find it very difficult to see a very self-centered/heartless person particularly enjoying this anime. The whole premise of this anime is that the main character who, because of her upbringing, doesn't understand feelings/emotions, especially the concept of love, grows as a human and slowly begins to learn what love is. The show does this by showing multiple sets of characters meant to represent different types of love (romantic, familial, platonic, etc). The vocal minority of people I've seen give Violet Evergarden bad ratings all typically argue that although beautiful, the anime doesn't have any substance/doesn't really mean anything. If that's honestly all you got after watching the entire show, then you deadass just don't get it, and you probably will never ever get it. If you've seen or heard of Vivy: Fluorite Eye's Song, than just know that these two animes are VERY very similar in vibe despite being technically different genres. However, I personally found the themes and concepts in Vivy are done much more masterfully in Violet Evergarden which I think is due to Vivy's heavier focus on a story-driven overarching plot/action as opposed to Violet Evergarden's focus more on emotional impact/an episodic format. I've watched the entire series and I've rewatched the main show twice. TBH you can probably skip the gaiden movie AKA the one set at the girl's academy it was highkey pointless. Compared to the opera episode they added as a "special", the gaiden movie was still good but I wish resources were dedicated to something that actually added to the story. ALSO YES I KNOW ITS A GAIDEN AKA A SIDE STORY AKA FILLER SO YES NO DUH IT DIDNT ADD ANYTHING, BUT STILL. As for the main show, I think I cried for three episodes (the one about the playwright/author I forgot lol, the mother and daughter, and the soldier). On my rewatch, I didn't cry but I still deeply cared for and related to the characters. Violet Evergarden is a beautiful anime with a beautiful story.

3. ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu Ka

Recommended for people who: like bread and bakeries, don't mind a very chill and slow-paced story, like stories about political intrigue and hidden agendas

Based on a relatively short manga, ACCA: 13 follows the main character Jean Otus as he performs his job of auditing the 13 districts of his country Dowa, while rumors and politics brew in the background that threaten to entangle Jean into a complicated plot. To be honest, I think properly reviewing this anime is impossible for me, because I just can't really explain the vibes of this anime besides "chill" and "intriguing." I think trying to explain anything more than the basic premise I just wrote would spoil a lot of what ACCA is, because it's plot is actually relatively quite simple and straightforward. Compared to Psycho-Pass which has a relatively good cult following, and Violet Evergarden which is universally praised, ACCA is an anime that I've yet to personally meet anyone who has ever even heard of it LMAOO. And almost everyone I know watches anime, so that's saying something oof. ACCA is made by Madhouse, which if you don't know, is a super well known anime studio, producing big hits such as Death Note, Hunter x Hunter, One Punch Man, etc. That's why I'm surprised that ACCA has flown just SO under the radar, but that may be due to the overalls nature of the anime itself. ACCA is an anime where all the characters hold their card close and no one seems to really share their real thoughts. One main criticism the anime has is the lack of deeper connections to characters and that for a main character, Jean Otus is very bland. To be honest, I think that's a very fair criticism and I can understand why this would prevent people from rating this anime higher than an 8 or 7. Due to the very nature of the anime and its plot, I do agree that there is a huge cast of colorful characters that we unfortunately don't really get to know more about. To be honest though, I don't mind this because I feel that's honestly quite realistic, especially factoring in Jean's job. All these places he's going and all these people he's meeting, it's literally just his job. He's not on vacation, these people aren't his friends, so the anime has no real reason to dwell much longer on places past its specific episode. Just like in real life, you encounter so many people and go past so many places that you probably won't ever see again. So for me personally, I didn't mind that the anime didn't explicitly show much about the backstories or lives of the cast, save for the very main characters (as their backstories were plot relevant). I think as viewers of not simply an anime, but a whole other world, I think it should be satisfactory to inherently understand that these are whole "people" who have entire lives that we are not exactly privy to. So although admittedly our understanding of many of the characters was all around quite shallow, I think that works for the scope of the anime, which was relatively simple and focused on just Jean living his life and the political plot stirring in the background until it was brought forward in the second half of the anime. Also I love Jean Otus. I actually completely absolutely adore him. He is literally my profile pic for myanimelist LMAO. I think calling him "bland" is fair from other people's perspectives, especially as the supposed main character of an ANIME, but I feel that if ACCA was in a different format like a novel, I think his personality would have been less criticized. Like I said, I love him soo much. I don't find him bland at all, but actually very interesting and highkey attractive LOL (if only he'd quit smoking but it's part of his charm 😞). Yes for an anime "protagonist," he is quite underwhelming especially compared to others, but I think that makes him very charming!!! Like all he wants to do is just chill, vibe, and do his job lmaooo. I think as a person, he’s very charismatic, and in the world of ACCA the rest of the characters see that as well. Because like, if he really were such a bland person, why would so many people like him and actually trust him lol? As for why it’s technically my favorite anime of all time (my ultimate one is a movie), I can’t give super detailed reasons why to be honest. I just really like the overall vibes of the anime itself, and I think the anime is just super unique and original. I’ve watched a ton of anime over the years, but I’ve genuinely seen nothing like ACCA in the slightest. I mean, just look at the recommended animes on the myanimelist. The recommended animes are all stuff I’ve also personally really liked (like fugou keiji unlimited and the great pretender) but yeah there’s just truly nothing that’s close to what ACCA is, and because of that, it reminds my absolute favorite anime show. I’ve seen the dub and the sub, even though I am a vehement dub hater lmaooo (except for very few circumstances, and this also applies to all non-English media, not just anime). There was only one thing in the entire show that slightly confused me/ seemed slightly unbelievable and I won’t spoil but it had something to do with the overall timeline of some events, but it doesn’t detract from the story at all. Oh and the art style! I really love the art style of the anime. It stays pretty true to the manga, but is also just an overall kind of art style I really like. I really enjoy the more like 2d/flat/drawn art style versus really clean and really detailed stuff, and I’m typically not a big fan of very obvious use of CGI (unless done tastefully like in Demon Slayer). All the backgrounds in ACCA have this painted/drawn style and the anime itself has this like muted(?) filter over it that makes the anime seem like someone’s drawings just put up on display in a way that’s really refreshing and nice. I highly recommend this story for anyone who wants a breath of fresh air and to get away from the typical action-packed high energy of big name anime.

4. From Up on Poppy Hill

Imma make a whole separate post JUST for this movie so I can explain why I love this movie so so much. And honestly, Imma need a whole separate post in the first place to address the elephant in the room when it comes to this movie (if you’ve seen it, then you know what I’m talking about). And if you’ve haven’t seen the movie, maybe you’ve heard about one of its controversial themes. I’m not gonna say what it is, cuz I KNOW it’ll be super off-putting for a lot of people, but please omg just hear me out. I just love this movie so so much. I’ve seen it like 7 times and counting. I have it downloaded on my computer and on a flash drive. I’ve watched the sub AND the dub however I’ve stopped watching the dub because it makes me sad every time I hear Shun’s voice actor ;-; This movie is legit an honest-to-god comfort movie for me that I could watch over and over and I’ll fall in love with it again each and every time. And once again IMMA MAKE A WHOLE SEPARATE POST BECAUSE I SWEAR PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE LIKE “Yo ain’t this the movie with the -----” and it’s like PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN. The vibes of this movie, the themes it addresses (yes even THAT theme), the music, the art, the characters, is perfectly presented in a way that I will never stop watching this movie. The only other film that has come close to the amount of times I’ve watched From Up on Poppy Hill would be Legally Blonde lmaooooo. 

[celiaxan]

Looks of Love (Saiouma Fic)

He wondered why no one else could see it.

See the way their gazes follow each other sometimes subconsciously. See one's glance linger far too long to be considered platonic. See how one of them looked when the other laughed. See the soft looks they would give each other when the other wasn’t looking.

Or: a really self-indulgent fic based on my obsession of how lovers look at each other bc it's so soft istg

(whole fic under read-more and ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30140310)

A/N: listen to reflections by the neighborhood for mood music!

Kokichi Ouma loved the way two people looked at each other when they were in love.

(Not that he would admit that to anyone, but still…)

No one else seemed to get it.

But the small lingerings of stares after the other has already looked away. The faintest traces of red still on their face, quickly fading to pink. The mouth formed the smallest of smiles, because how could you frown while around them?

It was sickening at first.

Then it became addicting.

No one (from his group of Rantaro, Miu, and Tsumugi) believed him when he called out Kaede and Maki.

He wondered why no one else could see it.

See the way their gazes follow each other sometimes subconsciously. See one's glance linger far too long to be considered platonic. See how one of them looked when the other laughed. See the soft looks they would give each other when the other wasn’t looking.  

Plus, the way Maki glared at him when he talked to Kaede said a lot.

He wasn’t even surprised when they announced their relationship to the class.

(And he won’t deny collecting some pocket cash from the group in the process, but it’s their fault for not believing him and betting in the first place!)

Kokichi doesn’t know when it started.

If he had to guess, he’d say it happened in two parts.

The first being his first real crush. He had just turned 13, not yet even knowing the urge of strong feelings, hormones controlling his every action.

Still being young, unknowing, and everything, he got over his other ‘crushes’ and ‘relationships’ as quickly as he got into them. He still hadn’t known what was wrong with scanning classmates in the room, picking the girl he thought was prettiest, or the girl that had helped him pick up his pencil, or the girl that he had thought reminded him of himself, a sort of kinship, and told his other friends that he liked them.

Oh, how he regretted leading on whatever poor girl he ‘liked’, just to run away from any sort of sign of confession. It was a cycle of sorts. Pick a girl, say that he liked her, run away or watch her confess to another guy, pick another girl.

Tiring. It was tiring.

He didn’t even remember half of their names.

He did remember someone though.

A boy in the corner that read books during recess.

Kokichi didn’t know his name.

All he knew was that the boy was interesting in his own little way.

It was the first time Kokichi actually looked forward to speaking to someone. It was the first time Kokichi had wanted to know more about the boy. It was the first time Kokichi actually waved someone down in the hallways when their paths met just to say hello. It was the first time Kokichi cared about another person’s opinion.

It was… the first time he felt his face heat up to something as weird as the boy finally saying Kokichi’s name instead of calling him ‘You’.

He still didn’t know his name.

Only the gleam in his eyes when he looked up at Kokichi.

But that only made him more interesting.

They talked quite a bit.

When Kokichi was kicked out from playing soccer with the other boys for cheating and bribing other players. When Kokichi purposely faked an injured knee to talk to him. When Kokichi brought him to his house to study (and oh, the little brat told his step-brother, Rantaro, his name, but not Kokichi).

He loved it.

The boy brought a puzzle one time for Kokichi, who mentioned that he liked them. He started bringing two grape juice boxes instead of one. They would read together. They would bring out harder puzzles. The boy somehow understood Kokichi, knew which part of the homework he would struggle with, even if he lied and said he knew it all.

The boy moved away.

Kokichi didn’t cry.

He wasn’t even sad.

But even he knew that was a lie.

Glancing at him, the boy told Kokichi he was moving. Kokichi had been so used to tossing away random friends, random girls, he thought that’d be the same, he was okay with it.

He wasn’t.

A year later, after a big realization (and six ‘Am I Gay’ quizzes), he told Rantaro.

Rantaro choked on his tea. “Oh, cool. That means I’m not the only gay in the family. But uh...”

“What, spit it out, dear sibling. I have to rob a bank in Russia later!”

“I already knew,” Rantaro continued, ignoring Kokichi’s arson plans. “It was kind of obvious after I met your little friend,” Rantaro suddenly raised an eyebrow, smiling into his tea. “Or boyfriend?”

Kokichi’s world shattered with another revelation. “He wasn��t my boyfriend! Also, I didn’t like him.”

Or did I?

“No, you totally did.”

“Did not.”

“Whatever,” Rantaro muttered as an end to that conversation.

Kokichi sat there in silence, contemplating. Finally, he started again. “How did you know?”

Rantaro hummed for a bit before deciding on an answer. “If I had to pick a deciding factor, it’d have to be the way you looked at him. Especially when you thought no one was looking.”

“Really?” Kokichi asked, suddenly interested. “What did I look like?”

Rantaro smiled one of his ‘I Know More Than You’ smiles. “Figure it out yourself.”

That was the first part.

Kokichi had forgotten about it for a bit after screaming curses of ‘ fucking asshole! ’ and ‘ your days are numbered, dusty bitch ’. He had never truly forgotten, of course, but instead, it was just pushed to the back of his mind.

But like most things, his problems were solved due to social media.

And TikTok.

Scrolling through gay TikTok, he saw a ‘gay couples through history’ one. Suddenly gaining his interest, he actually tried to watch this one.

Pictures.

Pictures of gay and lesbian couples flashing through the screen, both of the people looking extremely intimate.

But- their looks- the way they looked at each other. It was mesmerizing. Kokichi couldn’t get more of it.

It was a look of fondness, so soft, that he could feel the attraction through the screen. The photos themself were black and white, but their impact was still strong.

Kokichi looked at them and knew - swore on his life- that he wanted something like that. Small glances full of affection. It held so little but meant so much.

He had always thought that people looked the brightest when they looked at the one they love.

And the eyes.

The eyes were soft, dreamy looking, dare he even say- beautiful.

He wanted that.

He already gave that.

That was the second part.

“So, get it, Shumai? That’s how I called all the class couples before they got together! It’s because I’m super observational and very good at connecting these pieces.”

“...It actually sounds like you’re a sap.”

“What?! Shuichi, you’re so mean to me!”

Now, Kokichi was sitting in a classroom with his current crush, Shuichi Saihara, on the roof. Their hands almost connected on a desk.

And as Kokichi looked closer, Shuichi began looking increasingly nervous, like he was going to break something if he wasn’t careful enough.

“So, do you know where your friend, uh- ‘Boy’, you called him, do you know where he is now?” Shuichi asked suddenly.

“Huh? Nope, I don’t!” Kokichi responded. They were both drinking grape juice boxes. “Why, jealous? Have you finally fallen for me after all?”

Shuichi stiffened, moving the topic along more. “Then...what would you say to him if he was here right now?”

Sighing, Kokichi sank down in his seat, thinking intensely. “I don’t know. I would tell him I want to be friends again. Maybe if I was bold enough, I would tell him that he was my first gay crush.”

A small chuckle before Kokichi continued. “That’s got to be an honor! First crush from Kokichi Ouma himself!”

Shuichi laughed awkwardly. “Who knows. Maybe they’re closer than you think.”

“What’s got you so optimistic?”

At that, Shuichi stood up, and picked up some of his books with one hand, turning around to reach out a hand for Kokichi. “Take a guess?”

Kokichi only looked Shuichi in the eye as the sun shined behind him. A familiar pair of amber eyes with some sort of gleam shined down on him.

Oh.

And wow. How stupid was he to fall for the same person twice?

Not grabbing Shuichi’s hand, Kokichi stood up on his own on an impulse. “You-!”

The boy- Shuichi’s eyes sparkled with a familiar look. It was the look that Kokichi had seen variations of over and over again. It was a face Shuichi looked at him with the most. He felt foolish for not recognizing it earlier.

Shuichi interrupted him- because he’s the only one that can without being told off by Kokichi- with a soft smile and everything. “I also loved the way you looked at me, because... I looked at you like that too.”

[strangestdiary]

swimming in sins | axel

Relationship: Axel/Reader w/ Platonic Oscar & Otto

Request:  Hi! Since you've done the fic about the boys got hurt. Can I ask for another Axel/reader fic where the reader accidentally got shot by her old enemies ( she is a former assassin but no one knows ) and came home soaked in blood. When the trio came back they freaked out, especially Axel b/c he thought it was his fault. A tiny little angst in the beginning and fluff later please 😊

Words: 2.8k (holy shit)

Warnings: Heavy description of killing/Violence (Like this is actually pretty dark I won’t lie), blood. weapons, swearing, a lot of angst, fluff at the end

A/N: I really loved writing this! This is one of the longest things I’ve written in a long ass time, so thank you so much for requesting this and getting my creative juices flowing. 

MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

---

You should have seen this coming. Should have realized that even after retiring, your past would never stop following you. There was no way you could fully detach yourself from who you used to be, no way you could go back in time and just simply forget all of the trauma you had been subjected to. Your employers made sure of that. They put you on the most grueling missions, the torture and killing never fully numbing out which would make your boss push you even harder. You were left with permanent scars both inside and out, the ghosting pain coming back to haunt you even in your dreams. It was no easy job, that was the best way to put it, and it certainly wasn’t for the faint of heart. So you knew that your past would follow you forever mentally, it was the physical following that took your by surprise. You guess everyone had to beg for forgiveness at some point so here you were, paying the ultimate price for your sins. 

Pain rippled through your jaw as the man’s fist made contact with your reddening skin, you could already feel the growing bruises pulse underneath the surface with every shift of your head. Warm blood trickled from your right nostril, painting your lips crimson and leaving a copper taste on your tongue. 

Fingers grasped your aching jaw making you wince, he tilted your head upwards roughly and made you look at the slightly wrinkled picture yet again. It was a dated polaroid of a barista named Candy. She was kind and had a nice smile but the details of her personality didn’t matter when it came to your job. Not until now at least 

The man’s fingers tightened against your bruised flesh “She was just an innocent girl,” He ground out behind clenched teeth “and you fucking murdered her like she was nothing!” This time was a punch to the stomach which made you wheeze and sputter. You groaned quietly in pain as you tried to double over but couldn’t, the restraints around your wrist preventing you from slouching forward. 

“It was nothing personal, man.” You pant out, the blooding coating your lips soaking your tongue once again “This isn’t gonna bring her back though.” Nausea twisted at your stomach from his last blow. With your eyes staring down at his legs you tried to focus on your breathing and calm yourself down. 

He let out a dangerous growl and reached behind him, you could already guess where this was going. The outline of his shadow shifted and there was a beat of silence before you heard the signature click of a gun cocking. Slowly you lifted your head and looked past the barrel pointed at your head and to him, his cheeks were stained with tears. His anger merged with grief dangerously. You looked into his eyes and watched them pool with more tears and a snarl curled his lips. 

“I’ll make you suffer, you bitch.” He lowered to aim at your stomach and fired. The pain was searing and shot through your entire abdomen instantly, white hot fire ripping through your veins making you yell out in pain. “I guess that’s one thing I can thank you for… At least you made it quick!” He yelled out and shot you again this time in the shoulder tearing a wail from your throat. 

Tears were streaming down your blood stained cheeks from the pain, he gave you absolutely no time to recover from the fiery pain that consumed you. His fist came down against your cheek yet again,  black spots splotching your vision, you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep yourself awake much longer. The pain rippled through you in pulsing waves, washing over you entirely until you were drowning in it. There was no escape from your past, wherever you went your sins would always follow. 

--- 

There were muffled bangs coming from inside your home, the sound was unmistakable. Axel felt the anger rise inside his body, he threw open the car door not even bothering to look if his brothers were following behind. He should have suspected this, his job wasn’t exactly the safest, it left the people he cared about in danger whether or not they were involved. He should have considered your life would be on the line because of him. 

With all of his might he kicked the door open, the wood splintering around the handle and slamming violently into the wall surly leaving a dent. The living room was a wreck and it reeked of blood. That was the last straw that sent him into a blind rage, his eyes immediately locked onto his prey and he almost felt a growl crawl up his throat. 

The man’s eyes grew wide when he turned around, a gun clutched clumsily in his unskilled hand. He let out a startled gasp and looked between the three men that stared him down. Axel let his eyes drift over to the second figure in the room, slumped over in a chair from the dining room was you, fresh blood soaking your favorite shirt in multiple places. Your face was shadowed by a veil of hair, the sight of you like this was enough to make him see red. 

Axel looked back over at the man, he stamped over to him in three strides, the blonde’s hand came to clutch your captors throat in a bruising grip. His blunt nails dug into the man’s flesh and he stepped forward a few times and slammed the shorter man against the wall. The framed pictures hung up on the samee wall shake from the impact. 

The man pleaded pathetically but it didn’t faze Axel in the slightest, in fact it made him feel even stronger, the begging of a worthless bug that was scared to be crushed under his heel brought him to a sense of twisted pleasure. The man tried to claw at Axel’s gloved hands which only served to irritate the enraged blonde. He took a knife from his trench coat pocket and slid the sharp blade across the man’s paling cheek, blood bubbled to the surface mixing with the tears pouring from your attacker’s eyes. 

Axel wanted nothing more than to make the man suffer but he knew he had to get this over with, you needed him after all. “Filthy fucking scum.” Axel spat in his native tongue applying as much pressure as possible before he heard the satisfying crack of the man’s neck. The smaller man’s lifeless body crumpled to the floor and Axel finally turned back to where you had been tied up. 

During his vengeful kill his brothers were quick to untie you and gently lay you on the couch, Oscar cut open your shirt followed by a quiet apology to your unconscious form. They were already working the second bullet out by the time Axel was done. 

Axel couldn’t help but feel a wave of guilt crash over him when looking down at you. This was all his fault, he had been so careless and dragged you into a life of danger without a second thought. He felt nauseous as his mind wandered to  what could have happened if they arrived just a few minutes too late. He sat down on the floor beside the couch next to Oscar, you were a sight for sore eyes to put it lightly. Your right eye was slightly swollen and badly bruised, your lip was busted in two different places. Your torso was littered with bruises that were already blooming to the surface, he felt disgusted with himself. 

A hand came down on his shoulder, he didn’t have to look up to know it was Otto attempting to comfort him wordlessly. But even then he felt nothing but wave after wave of guilt crash into him. 

---

When you opened your eyes again you were staring up at the popcorn ceiling of your living room. The smell of blood was still lingering in the air making the room feel weighed down, it was an overwhelming thing you thought you would never have to feel again. Your body was throbbing all over, pain shooting through you with every breath. 

You felt his fingers lace with yours before you saw him, worry knitting Axel’s brows when you shifted your head against the pillow underneath you. Guilt tugged at your heart at his worried state, blood smearing his left cheek. Your thumb wiped at the trying to help rub it away but it was no use. His eyes pooled with all kinds of emotions; worry, happiness, fear, guilt. 

“I’m so sorry.” He muttered, making you freeze. What the hell was he sorry for?  “I should have suspected my work would come back on you.” 

You smiled at him softly, you guessed it made sense why he would blame himself. Sometimes you felt bad for never revealing your previous ‘life style’ especially since you knew he and his brothers wouldn’t judge. It had never come up though, you had taken your leave long before you even met the trio so you never thought it would be important to spring on him. Plus there was a lingering fear and insecurity. What if they did judge you? What if they did think differently of you afterwards? 

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about Axel.” You moved to sit up which he lightly fussed over but you brushed him off softly, you peered down at yourself to see you were wearing a different shirt. The remains of your other shirt crumbled on the foot of the couch. 

“Hey, so uh… I think it’s actually about time I talk to you guys about something.” The three brothers looked at you curiously and you felt your chest tighten, anxiety pooling around you. You knew that eventually the secret would spill but you never wanted it to be like this, not with a dead man rolled up in a spare bed sheet from your linen closet on your bloodstained carpet, not with the three of them staring at you with so much guilt in their eyes. But you guessed there was no time better than now to finally crack open your most heinous secret. 

“Otto there’s a large cardboard box hidden at the very back of my closet… it’s uh- it’s under some old running shoes. Mind getting it for me?” You couldn’t shake the shame that bit at your nerves, your past was never something you wanted to willingly confront again. After years of finally coming to terms with the things you did to survive, you tried so hard to suppress the monster that was buried so deeply inside of you, leaving your soul permanently stained. 

Otto returned with the box in question, it was decently sized and hidden inside were all the weapons you had used to kill off your ‘assignments’ as your boss would so fondly call them. Guns, knives, and even an assortment of brass knuckles that were kept in a decorative wooden box. But tucked away underneath all of the long since abandoned weapons were the files your employer would provide you with. Inside each of them contained information on each life you took, where to find them, their family information, and even how to kill them if the boss held a specific grudge against the victim. 

The tallest brother kneeled down next to the couch and sat the taunting box beside you. His eyes were soft yet confused which warmed you in the very slightest. You gave him a wary smile before turning yourself just a little, you took a deep breath and finally opened the box with shaky fingers. 

You cleared your throat and your gaze trailed up to Axel’s chest, not exactly able to meet his eyes just yet, “Can you slide the coffee table over here please?” He hesitated for a few seconds before prying his bright blues away from the box and doing as you asked. “Thank you.” The shame was probably noticeable in your tone. You shook it off and started taking out gun after gun, knife after knife before finally enough room was cleared and you were able to pull out the files of your fifty seven victims. They were organized by age, youngest to oldest. You combed through the thin manilla folders for Candy’s, your fingers felt like they could burn just by touching them after so long. 

You plucked it from the pile and opened it, the contents inside would certainly be unsightly for any average person who was not experienced in the field of killing. It contained pictures of before and after Candy was killed by your hands, a single bullet wound piercing her forehead with her hazel eyes still open and staring right at the camera. After you were able to tear your eyes away from the picture you picked up another. It was a picture of Candy standing beside the man who had attacked you, the man who was merely a chilling corpse on your floor at this point. 

“That,” you gestured to the wrapped body on your floor “was her boyfriend Roger Myer. They had been together for three and a half years and she was getting ready to celebrate her birthday the day I broke into her house and killed her.” You paused, sucking in a slow breath before continuing “She didn’t even have time to beg for her life before I put a bullet in her head.” You swallowed after bitterly reminiscing the quick kill. 

All three brothers stared at you in disbelief, never in their years of knowing you would they think you would be anything like them. They had believed you were just an innocent, only to now realize your soul was darkened just like theirs. 

“I uh… I’ve been out of the job for about six years now. When my boss finally died and the rest of his employees fled I was released from my contract and was able to leave all this behind me.” You almost rolled your eyes at how naive you were “Until this guy decided to do his little revenge quest.” You couldn’t exactly blame him for the anger though, anyone would want to do the same thing if the person they loved was murdered for close to no reason. 

“I understand if you guys don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I mean- ugh shit,” You let out a sudden sigh pinching the bridge of your nose, ignoring the pain that shot through your face, trying to find the right words “I know that you three would understand since you’re exactly what I was. But I shouldn’t have kept this from you and I understand if you need me to back off for a little while.” Your eyes stung and your throat tightened slightly before you spoke again “I was just so scared you would think differently of me if I told you about what I used to be.” 

You felt the couch dip beside you but you were too scared to look up from the dry blood caking your hands. A leather clad hand came to clutch your shaking fingers, the gesture was gentle and reassuring. The tears slowly trickled down your cheeks, marking a pathway for one after another to follow. Axel’s other hand came up to your chin to tilt your head up gently, his eyes were soft and caring. He understood your fear because he had once felt it too when he first whispered his deepest secret into the shadows of an early winter morning two years ago. He sympathized with you. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, älskling.” His voice washed over you, finally willing you to relax against his soft touches “We are the same.” Your breath hitched in your throat and you couldn’t help but look up at his brothers to gauge their reactions as well. 

Oscar had the simplest hints of a smirk on his lips which was far from unusual. He was holding one of your most prized guns making you give a watery chuckle. Of course he would be drawn to the weapons so carefully laid out side by side, you couldn’t say you were surprised. 

Beside him Otto had his hands tucked away in his pants pockets “You are our family, we hold no judgement when it comes to one’s past. It would be pretty hypocritical of us after all.” He grinned down at you. The room felt ten times lighter, it was no longer spinning with your anxieties taunting you. You looked back to Axel who’s expression was still soft yet neutral at the same time.

Sometimes the past had a way of catching up with you, your sins choking you until you could no longer breathe. There was no escaping what you had done but that didn’t mean you had to hide from it anymore, your secrets were out in the open now. Even though a part of you still shook in fear you couldn’t find it in yourself to care in that moment. You were finally allowing yourself to fully heal from the scars that were so deeply embedded inside your soul. It was even more reassuring to know you wouldn’t have to do it alone anymore. 

---

Älskling: Darling

[painted-starlight]

Frozen: Love As Transactional and Contradictory Themes

Warning: LONG POST, Anti-Frozen, Anti-Kristan//na, Anti-Agdu//na, swearing, discussion of colonialism

Tl;dr/Summary: The romantic pairings of Frozen, which are meant to drive the theme of unconditional love appear less romantic and more transactional. Love is something that is owed if you do nice stuff for the person you love. 

The romances feel convenient for male characters and give them what they want at the expense of Anna and Iduna’s agency or against their best interests. This convenience isn’t even beneficial in the long run for either party, because it actually hinders the male character’s growth by making them the lesser of two evils rather than good characters with likable personalities of their own. 

Both Kristoff and Agnarr are meant to be ideal love interests, but they are very underdeveloped despite the former being Anna’s true love and the latter being the center of Iduna’s character motivation. 

Introduction

Frozen’s interesting in the sense that I completely understand what it’s trying to do, but that doesn’t mean it does it well. 

The story itself is constantly contradicting itself an it’s own themes. The theme of Frozen is that love should come with no strings. Unconditional love is the right way to love someone, either romantically and platonically. Iduna and Agnarr’s love for Elsa came with strings while Anna’s didn’t. Which is why Anna’s act of love was the cure, while Elsa suffered under them. 

Kristoff appeared to have a conditional relationship with Anna but then it turned unconditional, while Hans’s love appeared unconditional but in the end was conditional. 

However, upon examining Frozen and it’s sequel, it’s themes become...muddled at best and hypocritical at worst. Especially when it comes to it’s romantic pairings. 

Kristoff and Anna, as well as Iduna and Agnarr are one of the biggest issues that threaten to undermine the very themes of Frozen and it’s views on unconditional love. Note that I think it’s views on platonic unconditional love are...OK to an extent (at least in the first film), but it’s romantic pairings are just plain awful.  

Kristoff/Anna: The Transactional and the Unconditional 

My huge problem with Kristoff and Anna’s relationship is that it feels like the story (through Olaf) pressures her into returning Kristoff’s sudden feelings for her just because he helped her. Their relationship was already very transactional and it really felt like they couldn’t stand each other for a majority of the movie.  

Kristoff goes from hating her spontaneity (”You don’t tell Sven what to do!” while throwing her on Sven) to suddenly loving this side of her on the flip of a coin. I could pinpoint the scene too, when she jumps into his arms after failing to scale the mountain by hand. Her incompetency is played for comedy while he watches her. Then, like a switch, he likes her. Seriously, when did he start liking that side of her?

And Anna doesn’t even appear to feel that way towards Krisotff until Olaf basically tells her Kristoff did all that nice stuff for her, so the implication is that she HAS to return his feelings. If she weren’t dying at that very moment, I don’t think that would be an option for her. 

They Helped You, You Owe Them!

This theme of “they saved your life, you owe them!” also applies to Iduna and Agnarr, no matter whether or not the latter remembers this because it’s a narrative implication. The person who sacrifices their life for you or does nice stuff for you, should be your true love/or platonically they love you without strings. But only if they have no ill intentions. 

As if people in general are somehow mind readers who can tell when people are fooling them. As Hans character proves, this is a very faulty line of thinking. You shouldn’t owe someone love because they do nice stuff for you, and you might never know what someone’s motivations are until it’s too late. 

It feels like this notion of romance is very skewed in favor of what the story wants. Iduna can give away the only life she knew for someone she just met, but not Anna. Iduna is portrayed as selfless because she did it for Agnarr, while Anna is selfish because she did it for herself, a child neglect and in a lonely environment. 

Convenience for Male Love Interests To Their Detriment and The Preservation of “Good” Royalty

I find it strange that Frozen and Frozen 2 seem to be centered on what’s the most convenient for male love interests, regardless of whether or not they are fully rounded or compelling. 

And this doesn’t even mean that it’s to their benefit, but to their convenience because it actually does way more damage to be given things by the story rather than making them fully fleshed out characters. 

Kristoff’s Convenience Destroyed His Character

Kristoff likes Anna, so the story is twisted in a way that benefits him so he is the one Anna ends up with. 

Consequently, because his story arc is considered done he is reduced to comedic relief to keep him relevant, even when he’s not needed. Both Kristoff and Agnarr are given superficial amounts of “background” through the barest minimum, but only because it is a means to an end to convey a point. 

Kristoff and Anna go through the basic boyfriend introducing girlfriend to family, (even though she is already engaged to someone else) bit. They interact with Rock Trolls, have banter with them in a wasteful song. And he talks to his reindeer. These points are necessary within a modern dating context, but they do very little to provide a deeper insight into his character that would him a better option than Hans. Things like who he truly is as a person is stripped to what is needed by the story because we are already supposed to like him by virtue that he isn’t Hans. 

In fact, because we know so little about him, his characterization can change on a whim from a gruff loner to perfect boyfriend who’s entire identity is “I’m Anna’s Fiancé, look at me do goofy things!” as demonstrated by Frozen Fever and Frozen 2. Frozen 2 actually tells on itself when they include lines like “Who am I if I’m not your (Anna’s) guy?” And that is a good question. Who is Kristoff without Anna? Who is he really?

And I know that the story uses Krist*nna as a way of perpetuating the idea of not diving into a relationship with someone you literally just met, but it’s obvious that Anna does EXACTLY that, just with someone the story approves of. She and Kristoff are making out within probably a day of the end of the movie.

You can’t tell me they let Hans and the Duke of Weasleton stay for weeks between their attempted assassination of royalty. Kristoff and Anna moved WAY too fast.

Agnarr’s Convenience and Position as “Good Royalty”

Like Kristoff, Agnarr’s position as the good successor to his idiot father Runeard, is considered essential to his characterization. Good, of course, being relative. He was “slightly less of a bastard,” and therefore, better.  

But you can’t make a character by saying who they AREN’T. You need to show who they ARE. And saying  “well, he could’ve been worse to Elsa” is no excuse. And Runeard in a league on his own, being the stupid dumbass he was. 

Agnarr, by the definition of the story, needed to live so he could be the good king. And meant that Iduna had to sacrifice herself for his convenience.  

Out of both parents, Agnarr is given the most screen time and dialogue. His convenience and inability to love Elsa correctly motivates him and Iduna to force her to conceal her powers.  All the problems that arise in the story are due to him introducing the gloves to Elsa, and he and by extension Iduna are the basis on the conflict. 

I say an extension because she almost a complete nonfactor of a character in the original Frozen movie. She is given maybe two lines, tops. She is still accountable, though, for the hot mess that is called Elsa’s upbringing. 

But it’s also worth noting that the second movie expands her character and background. She is given more screen time, dialogue, and songs relating to her character. And it’s still very centered on her love for Agnarr, which is portrayed as a positive influence on her despite him being the main source of her leaving her community and keeping her identity as secret. It doesn’t really feel romantic when she basically has to live in fear to keep him on the throne. 

Iduna and the Boy She Just Met

Iduna’s character is motivated to leave her people for a boy she just met. This goes against the very themes of Frozen, but not really upon closer inspection. It’s mostly about the convenience of “good” royalty, and he’s Agnarr so he’s special. 

Not special enough to give him a fully rounded character, but special in the sense that he is considered a better alternative. As I’ve said before, his characterization is mostly based on the idea of him being the lesser of two evils. 

His convenience is placed above Iduna’s safety. The questions of where she lived during her time in Arendelle, who took care of her, how she navigated this life as a child and still felt comfortable being with the person who is the prince of colonialistic nation is considered almost a nonfactor. It is meant to evoke sympathy, but not outrage at her circumstances that left her basically without a support network. 

She is praised as sefless for saving Agnarr at the expense of herself. And she is rewarded with his love, which apparently totally worth losing so much.

Final Thoughts

I’m not really sure how Frozen will navigate it’s themes in future installments. However, without significant changes and a reevaluation of what it wants to say, it’s ultimate impact on audiences will leave them questioning if Frozen’s desire to convey unconditional love actually comes with strings attached.