#especially about not responding to some messages i really should have because they were important 🫣

[adore-gregor]

hii

[tr1nd2de]

Old enough

I just saw a post from Wonderjanga (C.C. And Great Grandpa Wayne), and it improved my head cannon about Billy telling the league, that he remembers everything he went through in those 84 years of the time bubble.

I wasn't going to post this but I changed my mind. In my Head Cannon, Billy is already older, like 16 or 17 years old. He has been in the league for a few years since he was a kid.

Ever since Captain Marvel (or Billy Batson) joined the league, he's hardly ever asked for a reunion so it would obviously be a proven thing to deal with. Bruce was worried about this, for a few weeks now Billy has been acting strangely, missing some meetings and not responding to the communicators or the messages we send him.

So him calling a meeting was important, especially because he said it was urgent. The league members were quick to arrive, even Flash who is usually late arrived early, Billy didn't say much he just looked down trying to understand something... something was wrong Bruce could feel it.

Billy: Thank you for coming, I would like to say that the problem is not the end of the world, at least not our world but mine. I recently discovered why Fawcett has so many mental hospitals.

Superman: What do you mean by that Billy?

Billy: Do you remember the Justice Squad?

Wonder Woman: Yes, I fought alongside them in the second war, its members were Bullet Man and Woman, Golden Arrow, Mr. Scarlet and his helper Pinky, Mega Spy and Ibis the Invincible.

Green Arrow: From what we know, they returned to the United States for an urgent government mission. We have no further information about them to this day. Some myths say they were killed, others say they deserted and disappeared from the map. I prefer to believe the latter.

Billy: I found out what happened to them. When they returned for an urgent mission, they were assigned to deal with a being called King Kull. Just like Vandal Savage he is also a caveman, high intelligence and physical condition. In prehistoric times, King Kull was the ruler of a race of proto-humans known as the Undermen (also called the Beastmen), a brutish but technologically advanced race who ruled over humanity until they were finally overthrown in a revolt. Kull survived into the 20th century trapped in a state of suspended animation. When he woke up he decided that humans should suffer the same as he suffered, so he built a Suspendium bomb.

Batman: What would Suspendium be?

Billy: Suspendium was an artificial compound developed by Dr Silvana.

Flash: Since when has Silvana been alive?

Billy more than me and you

J'onn: Where are you going with this Billy?

Billy:Well... I-I knew Fawcett wasn't a "normal" place, not because of the abundant magic that pours into the city from the Rock of Eternity, but because of everything, the culture that hasn't advanced, the fashion sense that hasn't changed, and so on. I kept this in my head and went looking for answers, not only out of curiosity but because of memories that didn't make sense. Memories that I no longer remembered, I lived them.

Black Canary : Are you okay Billy?

Billy: yes, as far as possible.

Billy: I followed the clues that my memories gave me, and I arrived at an old building, the facade of Sivana, one of the Solar Centers, there was a passage to the basement and there I discovered where the old heroes of the Second World War ended up. They were trapped in a state of suspended animation, all of them, I came to the conclusion that the effect of the Suspendium had worn off after all these years. Apparently the Justice Squadron was unable to get Kull to detonate the bomb, everyone on Fawcett was affected, the heroes and Kull were trapped in a state of suspended animation that has not yet passed.

(Hal) Green lantern: Holy shit...

Billy: Yeah, holy shit. Well that was my report for the month, I would like to take a really long vacation, recommended by my psychiatrist.

Black canary: Psychiatrist!?!?!

Billy: Yeah, I'm seeing a-a psychiatrist, after discovering that my life was a loop of suffering and pain, finally my mind gave out and I developed a dissociative personality disorder, I-I- this is the first time I've come to consciousness. I-I-I have a few already, one of them is an 8 year old child called Hedwing, the other my supposed evil twin, all I fight are the sins, he was born from them I don't know his name yet...

Black Canary gets up and goes to Billy and hugs him."Oh Billy you don't deserve this"

Batman takes off his hood and stands up, hugging Billy. "I can't do much for you, but I will do what I can to help you, money won't be a problem."

wiping away the tears. "T-thanks, but that's not the whole problem, m-my Captain form also had new personalities."

After coming back from the shock Superman says: My God, I didn't know that was possible...

Not either, but the personalities that came are called Lord Shazam and a goth who says he has no name. says Billy leaving the hug: Lord Shazam prefers not to leave the Rock and Goth likes to explore the world.

So you mean that all that discussion about you being a child was a complete waste of time? Flash says trying to break the ice.

running his hand through his hair and leaning back in his chair (Hal) Green Lantern says: Nice try Barry, but how old are you Billy? Because the second war was about 85 years ago.

Well... coincidence or not, the Suspendium bomb exploded 84 years ago, in 1940 when I was 10 years old and had already been at war for 1 year. says Billy sitting in his chair.

Living for a long time has its consequences, Billy, but you are not alone, not today or tomorrow, because you have us and me, we will help you, little brother. Diana says, smiling at Billy.

Thanks but still, it's not something I like since well... I was childhood friends with Thomas Wanye. Billy looks at Bruce.

My father? Were you my father's childhood friend?.

Oh yes, how could I forget, Tommy was wild but fun, we got a good scolding from our parents, good times, I think that if the bomb hadn't exploded I would be a friend of the family, and possibly the one who would have been adopted would have been you. Smiling from ear to ear, Billy says looking at Bruce.

I don't know if it was good but that's it, have a good day, or night or afternoon, aah be well.

The End.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not informing my pet's previous owner that he died?

I adopted a gecko off of Kijiji around a year ago. She had a different name when I adopted her but I ended up renaming her Fingergun when I adopted her. It was clear that her original owner cared about her quite a lot and after talking to her, I realized she was only rehoming because she was moving into university and couldn't bring Fingergun with her.

After I picked Fingergun up, her owner messaged asking how she was settling in and I sent her some pictures and said she was doing well with some specifics on her behaviour. Over the next week, her owner messaged every day or two for updates. I was happy to provide them, especially since it was obvious that Fingergun was very loved and cared for. I rescue and rehabilite reptiles fairly frequently (Not as an official rescue, just over Kijiji or Facebook Marketplace, sometimes partnering with official rescues) so it's rare for me to see somebody in as good condition as Fingergun. It's important to note that I got Fingergun for myself, not as a rescue/rehab case (Which I usually rehome or pass on to some rescues I partner with when I can).

Over the next few months the requests for updates kept coming but less and less frequently until around three months ago before Fingergun died, when they stopped completely. I expected that her owner had moved on and I didn't want to send unsolicited updates in case I jeopardized the healing process or annoyed her or something.

Well, around three months ago I had a house fire due to entirely unpreventable causes. I wasn't home and was honestly devastated when I found out. I lost Fingergun and one of my cats (I was at the vet with two new rescues and had just dropped the other cat at the groomers when it happened).

Although I only had her for a year, I really loved Fingergun. I handled her every day and we were working on some minimal training.

The whole issue here came up only recently, about a week ago.

Because there hadn't been any more messages from Fingergun's original owner, I decided not to tell her what had happened. I didn't see any reason to upset her out of the blue, especially when I know it was mid-exams for her uni and I hadn't heard from her in months. I honestly thought the update requests had stopped until she messaged a week ago, asking how Fingergun was doing.

I was honest and told her what had happened. I also sent her a couple pictures of Fingergun from the day before. She was silent for a day or so before she responded and essentially asked why I kept it from her/didn't tell her sooner and insinuating that the fire didn't happen/I made it up to cover something up.

I haven't responded yet since I'm still busy dealing with the insurance and stuff from the fire and I'm honestly at a bit of a loss here. I'm not good with people, there's a reason I refer my critters, but am I the asshole here? Should I have told her when it happened or even just lied and told her everything was fine when she asked?

[under-lore]

About "Tweets aren't canon"

One misconception that one seems to be nearly guaranteed to see brought up by someone whenever discussing Undertale/Deltarune lore with people who are not particularly invested in it is that "Toby Fox said tweets weren't canon".

And, when you first hear it, it actually sounds quite convincing, because this tweet is in fact real and does seem to say that.

So... What's actually going on here with tweets and with this one in particular ?

The actual status of tweets

Before mentioning what's really going on with that specific tweet, i'd like to lay some groundwork first.

For instance, regarding the fact that this tweet dates back from November 2016. And that if the tweet were to be taken seriously, it would mean that no tweets especially after that date are to be treated as canon.

Something that is rather explicitely not the case.

There are several examples for this, although the Gaster tweets which introduced us to Deltarune and directly link up to the game's "Goner Maker" introduction sequence are i would say prime offenders.

Here in these tweets, we are not yet connected, then we are given a way to connect.

Then, we pick this back up where we left it in Deltarune, where we are then asked wether the connection was a success.

This has of course been pointed out to Toby (although he never responded to those messages), and yet it did not prevent him from re-doing the exact same thing a few years later for chapter 2.

In short, the situation is that, to this day, Toby Fox still purposely uses tweets in order to provide important canon-accurate information about his games, with the Spamton Q&A as recently as last year.

In light of that, using that one tweet to say that any information coming from tweets is invalid just can't be right... So one might wonder :

But then, why did Toby say that ?

The problem comes from the fact that this quote is usually cropped like this when people try to share it around :

Which is greatly misleading !

Obviously, Toby Fox's popularity comes mainly from Undertale and later Deltarune. Due to this, and due to the majority of the fandom nowadays being teenagers, many in the fandom are not aware that ever since his own teenage years, Toby Fox has been for the lack of a better term, a massive shitposter. A habit that only started to die out after Undertale's release and in the year that followed. (Though he still shows glimpses of it from time to time)

I mean, we are talking about the person who kept on posting memes on twitter for nearly a decade and who made "a goast poot on u" at the end of the Earthbound Halloween Hack, his first semi-serious game project.

Why ?

Because he's just that kind of "funny guy" and felt like it. His words, not mine.

This was, up until not so long ago, the kind of person that Toby was online.

When taking all this into account and looking back at the un-cropped version of that quote, it becomes pretty obvious what's going on here.

Toby Fox found a bootleg nursery rhyme video of Undertale characters, found that hilarious (As the "funny guy" that he is), and decided to make a shitpost about it. Joking about how this weird thing that he found, right here, was the peak of official Undertale material and might just be more canon in his book than the kickstarter or tweets were.

The post that started this whole thing in the first place was just that, a shitpost, a joke, not something that Toby ever actually meant. Which honestly should have been pretty obvious in the first place, i mean, this is still a post about Toby trolling bootleg nursery rhymes, people. It wasn't meant to be taken seriously...

Besides, that tweet's statement would have been self-contradictory anyways. If tweets weren't canon, then this tweet would not be canon either, etc... Leading to one of those silly paradoxical loops rather than to an actual statement about tweet canonicity.

So then, that brings the question : Why ?

Why do so many people still claim that tweets aren't canon ?

The reason is likely the same as the reason why this misconception was created in the first place : It is a rope to cling on to for some people to defend certain headcanons that Toby had debunked via tweets.

Because yes, between late 2015 and late 2016 Toby used to once in a while answer a question about the lore of the game on tweeter. Leaving some people with their headcanons turning out to be wrong.

(A few examples of headcanons that Toby denied on twitter were that Undyne killed the green soul human, or that ghost monsters used to be humans, for example.)

It was some of those people, in the first place, who started cropping this tweet to make it seem like their headcanons were still on the table and started the mess in the first place.

This rumor, at its origins, was not just a mere misconception but rather a deliberate attempt at misinformation from some fans that weren't happy with the way Toby had taken the game, which is unfortunately still being shared around to this day due to how sensible it seems at first sight.

[arowitharrows]

God how I wish there'd been articles like this years ago when people were tripping over themselves to deny any and all struggles asexual people face. The amount of times people demanded "proof" when we talked about our experiences. Well, there's certainly more research being published nowadays, if that counts as "proof". I hope they read it.

Today “asexuality is widely accepted as a sexual orientation in the literature,” Hille says, but cultural awareness remains in its infancy, especially compared with other orientations under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. Saying you don't experience sexual attraction is still like saying you don't eat, Hille explains, and “if you don't eat, there's something wrong with you, and you're hurting yourself.” Asexual people sometimes get this message not just from family and acquaintances but from their health-care providers. Shelby Wren, a health equity researcher at the University of Minnesota, published a study in 2020 in which 30 to 50 percent of respondents who had disclosed their asexuality in a medical setting said a therapist or doctor had attributed their asexuality to a health condition. The proposed diagnoses included anxiety, depression and, in one case, a personality disorder. “You don't know what's going to happen when you disclose your sexual orientation,” Wren says. “And for a lot of people, that stops them from talking about things that could be relevant to their health care.”

[...]

Refraining from disclosing one's asexuality to a mental health provider is often a “very rational decision,” Chasin says. “It's always much worse to be actively rejected and misunderstood.” For instance, asexual people are sometimes subjected to conversion therapy, a practice aimed at changing someone's sexuality or gender identity. It is banned for minors in 22 U.S. states because of its well-documented and extensive harms, including increased rates of suicide. A 2018 U.K. government survey of LGBTQIA+ people found that asexual respondents were the most likely to be offered conversion therapy and as likely as gay and lesbian people to receive it. A recent survey by the Trevor Project found that 4 percent of asexual youths in the U.S. were subjected to conversion therapy, on par with bisexual respondents. On the legislative level, bans on conversion therapy should explicitly reference asexuality, Benoit says. So, too, should professional associations of health-care practitioners, says Samantha Guz, a social work researcher at the University of Chicago. “Asexual people are made to be so invisible in our society that I don't think just having a broad call against conversion therapy is specific enough,” Guz says.

Even well-meaning doctors might unwittingly harm their patients. To a clinician, a patient who is worried that they should feel more sexual desire—and who does not know they are simply asexual—might initially look similar to patients who want sexual intimacy and could benefit from treatments aimed at increasing or restoring desire. Treatments for certain types of sexual dysfunction do help some people whose level of sexual desire leaves them distressed and unsatisfied, Brotto says. For some people, though, this distress may be coming not from an intrinsic desire to want sex but from external pressures such as partners or society as a whole. “I have worked with folks where it's taken us many, many months for the person to really understand how well asexuality fits with their identity,” as opposed to having an issue that is rooted in a health problem or a situational condition, Brotto says. Most doctors, though, don't know that such a distinction exists or is necessary, she adds.

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

22.02.17 — On lesbian socialisation (by sespursongles)

We all know how female socialisation works, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone discuss the concept of lesbian socialisation, how it affects us, with what consequences — and how it is like female socialisation, squared.

To put it in a nutshell — female socialisation teaches you that you are inherently worth less than men and you must always defer to them and prioritise them and their feelings over yourself and other women. Lesbian socialisation teaches you that you are inherently worth less than male-attracted women and you must always defer to them and prioritise them and their feelings over yourself and other lesbians.

Lesbians are of course affected by both, although being gay can help us fight some aspects of female socialisation—e.g., the need to prioritise men or win male approval. Not that it doesn't affect us at all, but the message that “you are worth less than men” does impact you differently when men are worth less than women to you in your love life, and “you must behave in X and Y ways and treat other women like rivals for male interest” sounds like irritating white noise when getting male interest isn't a desired outcome.

On the other hand, we have nothing to help us resist the impact of lesbian socialisation, because we love women. We are fully behind the idea of prioritising women. Add to this a healthy dose of internalised lesbophobia, and we are now fully behind the idea that mlw are worth more than lesbians and we should prioritise these women in particular, always.

Not to mention the factor of our social isolation and quasi-total lack of outside support — how every other group and political faction hates us in a different (but, deep down, the same) way, how desperate we are for allies.

I wrote a post last week about lesbophobia and double standards in the radfem community, and one part of it was directed every bit as much at lesbians than at mlw: “Het/bi women are really seen as inherently more important and worthy of respect than lesbians, aren’t they? Can’t waste your shock and anger on people who hate lesbians because you must save it for when a lesbian calls a manloving woman a manlover.”

I wrote that post because there were lesbians who were much more shocked and outraged at other lesbians for hurting a bi woman’s feelings by calling her a lesbophobe and a “manlover”, than at said bi woman for being a lesbophobe who defended the idea that lesbians can be manlovers. (She was defending a book I mentioned previously, written by a bi woman, in which a lesbian falls in love with a guy.) There were also lesbians who hurried to write posts urging other lesbians to calm down and be nice when we started reacting to the lesbophobia, but felt no need to write posts telling mlw who were being lesbophobic to calm down and be nice. And there were lesbians who felt the need to write posts reassuring “our bi sisters” that we still love them and we know most of them aren’t like that and NotAllBis and wlw solidarity, but didn’t feel the need to respond to this surge of lesbophobia with comforting posts of solidarity to fellow lesbians. That’s what I call lesbian socialisation. Put manloving women first, always. Suck it up, be nice, placate, placate. Can’t risk alienating the very few “allies” we have.

Female socialisation teaches you “it’s in your best immediate interests to care more about men’s feelings than about women’s oppression.” Lesbian socialisation teaches you “it’s in your best immediate interests to care more about manloving women’s feelings than about lesbian oppression.”

And that’s exactly why the queer/bi/trans community has been able to dismantle the lesbian community so easily and walk all over us. Because all lesbians have been taught to never dare prioritise ourselves and our own wants and needs, to always put every other group’s feelings and wishes before ours, especially other women and other marginalised groups who need our help and compassion*. Gay men don’t have this problem and so they still have “exclusionary” spaces. *And these groups know it. They might not know it consciously, but they know it, and they exploit it.

Every time a het radfem reminds a lesbian of how dangerous and painful partnering with men is, every time a bi woman throws those bi suicide and rape statistics at us, every time a “trans lesbian” talks about how much it hurts his feelings to be rejected by mean lesbians who won’t date him, they are counting on lesbian socialisation to kick in, waiting for lesbians to feel terrible and forget about our own best interests and duly start prioritising theirs.

Het radfems do this deliberately, to get us to admit that het privilege isn’t really a thing and, back in the day, to convince lesbians to accept their political lesbianism rubbish (“Why won’t you welcome us in your community as your lesbian sisters? Do you really want us to go back to our hurtful hetero relationships?”). Bi women do this deliberately, to guilt-trip us into “including” them everywhere and shut us up when we talk about their lesbophobia. “Trans lesbians” do this deliberately, to get us to fuck them. (Men don’t have complicated motivations).

They all know the stereotypes (they create them) that are an integral part of lesbian socialisation, teaching us our worthlessness. The mean lesbian, the angry lesbian, the manhating lesbian, the ugly hairy rabid hysterical cruel insensitive heartless biphobic transphobic gatekeeping selfish exclusionary oppressive genital-fetishising lesbian.

Lesbian socialisation is the incredibly useful and necessary extension of female socialisation. It functions to keep the women most detached from patriarchal institutions, the women who least need men, who have the most reasons to rebel, quiet and well-behaved. Growing up as a lesbian, you receive female socialisation, hear that as a woman you are subhuman and born to love men, serve men, worship men, and you feel angry. But you also receive lesbian socialisation, hear that you are not merely subhuman but subwoman, lower than low, if you turn into one of those crazy rabid angry lesbians, and you back down.

And other groups know how to use all these hateful messages and stereotypes against us, either throwing them at us outright, or subtly reminding us of them, then watching us desperately scramble trying to prove that they aren’t true, or at least not true of me. They know.

So, it would be good if lesbians knew, too. Be aware that lesbian socialisation exists, that it affects you, and that other groups use it against you. Notice patterns. Notice in what contexts the calls for “empathy”, “solidarity”, “sisterhood”, politeness and niceness start flowing. Notice in what contexts other groups give you tragic statistics about their own oppression. Notice when you start feeling bad and guilty and ask yourself why. Who are you prioritising? (Usually, yourself and/or your fellow lesbians.) Whose feelings are you ignoring? Who are you concretely hurting? (Usually, no one. Prioritising lesbians does not actively hurt other groups, no matter how badly they want us to believe that—using the aforementioned tragic statistics as well as words like “denying us” to make us feel like our bodies, affection, time, solidarity and emotional labour are as necessary to them as oxygen.)

And remind yourself that it’s okay to prioritise lesbians, and that you do not have to care about people and groups who have shown time and again that they do not care about you. When a group has a long history of disregard or blatant hatred of lesbians and shows zero willingness to change, it’s okay not to care anymore. It’s okay to answer questions like “Do you support X group?” (trans people, radfems, gay men, bi women…) with “No. I support lesbians.”

Because you are not required by law to support groups who do not support you back, let alone groups who are actively promoting an ideology that hurts you and your community. It’s nice to be nice and polite and supportive, but when the niceness and politeness and support always flow in the same direction, at some point, it’s time to stop. Allow yourself to stop. (At the very least, allow other lesbians to stop and don’t lecture them for not being sufficiently nice and polite to the groups that you, personally, still have some faith in. She probably has good reasons for losing her faith in them.)

If you do stop, you’ll probably feel very guilty at first (they’ll make sure you do), but it will get easier. You might even start feeling better about yourself now that you stopped caring about some groups who never cared about you.

And finally, please keep in mind that if you don’t prioritise yourself and other lesbians, no one else will. No other group will care. Not even marginalised groups who share some aspect of their oppression with us. Not het women, not trans people, not gay men, not bi women. No other group will defend us, support us and prioritise our hurt feelings over their oppression — what they constantly demand of us. No matter how nice, accommodating, polite, helpful we are to them. It’s never going to be our turn.

[shawtythatluvsurgut]

gunna have a video of me feeding my feedee up on my onlyfans soon. i’m thinking about starting it back up while i take a break from college because it was kind of empowering to get to own my kink in such a way. I also enjoy sharing that side of myself with all of you. subscription price will be between $8-$10/mo since my feedee is going to be collaborating with me on certain pieces of content. i will maybe begin gaining again once i get my health back in check, we’ll see. i want my muscle mommy build back, and to get that back i’ll have to pack on some weight. so we’ll see what happens with that. ;)

in the meantime and between-time, stay safe. especially on the internet. all of my old rules still apply for messaging me, but i will gradually get back to making regular content and posts. now that i am taking a break from school, i’m working more, but I also have free time on my hands when i’m not working. it feels really nice to get back into the swing of things. I’ve missed you all and I’ve missed the positive aspects of this community.

going forward, i’m just going to block people who talk shit to me or delete their comments (unless it’s of actual importance to discuss). i’m just done engaging with that shit. idk, i’m on new medication that seem to be actually working and i feel stable, so i feel ready to re-embrace this community with open arms.

a special thank you to everyone who continued engaging with me and communicating with me during my break. i appreciate all of your kind words more than you know, and if i didn’t respond to you it was because i didn’t want the answer to “hey how are you?” to be “i’m miserable. how are you?”. but I saw all of you - each and every message, comment, text, etc. - and i just want to say thank you. the people who still proceeded to message me with positivity are the reason I have decided I want to come back.

With all that being said, I hope you will all accept me back. I understand that some of you were upset that I left and didn’t understand my reasonings, but I hope we can reconcile our differences and i can gain your trust again. I’m not the angry person that I became when responding to hate messages, and that also influenced my time away. I could see that my demeanor on this hellsite was changing and I was getting more upset, angry and, honestly, afraid of going on here (let alone posting myself on here). However, that has changed. I’ve been working on being more optimistic and caring less about the negative opinions of others. Frankly, if someone doesn’t like me or my content they should just be an adult about it and either reach out to discuss that or ignore me. If they can’t do that, I believe they are childish and need to get a grip. There are some key things I’ve learned in life that I want to share with people who are as I described above:

- your comfort is not someone else’s responsibility. if it makes you uncomfortable, then don’t engage. It’s as simple as that.

- no one has to cater to your interests. everyone lives on their own agenda. your wants and desires do not take priority over the wants and desires of others. sure, there are some people who will cater to your every wish, but i’m definitely not one of them.

- similarly to above, your desires do not take priority over someone’s health. that includes both mental health and physical health. (death feedism is a thing if you are interested in someone wanting to gain while not caring about their health. this is not a death feedism page and i suggest you go search in the tags for that if it is what you are looking for. I do not want to kill my feedee, nor do I want him or I to gain enough weight to become immobile or at risk in any way. As hot as the idea is to me at times, we are both too active and work in active careers for that to be a realistic possibility for us. maybe someday i’ll get a stay at home job and get really big, or maybe someday he will. only time can tell. sorry for the length, i’m high. i’ll stfu now.

- people don’t care. no stranger online owes it to you to care that you don’t like their body, or that you don’t like this or that. it doesn’t matter because that person does not know you. there’s no point in wasting time caring about your negative comment unless it’s actually useful and constructive commentary.

So anyways, i’m back in business again. gonna post some FA art soon + start uploading to my OF again. I thank any of you who read this far and again I hope you can accept me back into the community.

Thanks,

Nico

[senpa10]

You leaders have lied to you and used you all Russia has failed and a new dawn has arrived slava Ukrainie

It's going to be very hot and very serious right now…

Firstly, I know who you are and you won't scare me with your anonymous messages, firstly, secondly, my friendly relations that were with you are now completely destroyed because I am very offended and upset with you (This man insulted my boyfriend calling him a pedophile), thirdly, you are very easily gotched having written MY CITY where I currently live (Where I live, I wrote in a telegram to only a few people whom I trusted) and you do not have humanity. Why should I be ashamed of being born Russian? Why should I be ashamed that I was born in Russia?? And why are you writing this to me trying to make me feel guilty about it??? Yes, I am Russian and I am proud that I have become who I am, but I really don't understand why I should write such a thing.

At the bottom, I'm showing you my schematic family tree, because of which you'll have to rethink your words, and here's why.

I'm not gloating about the war, I FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS WAR because I'm a very sensitive and worried person and I can't be no nervous because I have health problems, especially with pressure, I'm not pleased to know that people are dying because of the war and that's why I don't get into this topic because it's for me it doesn't matter, my family, my friends, my beloved person are important to me, who also worries about me as I do about him. I don't even dare to say that all countries are bad! Yes, there are some, but this is only according to the opinion of people to whom I do not belong, and then I am a pacifist because I am for the friendship of our whole world and against war, I am sure that everyone is like that and wants to live in peace and without conflict.

I did not say your name and did not mention your nickname because I am tolerant and have a humanly tolerant state even in such a situation. Yes, for the sake of a "joke" I showed myself that I'm afraid that some anonymous person writes that my boyfriend is a pedophile, although this is not true, but to write such an impudent thing to me and throw mud at me, even though it is anonymous, it's disgusting.

And for your information, I'm not going to throw mud at you because I'm not a bad person, although I know a lot about you and I can also say "good words" because now I'm 99% offended by you and I could say a lot more to you..

Sorry kittens that you have to see and read all this, but it struck a chord.. The fact that you are friends with this person and he dares to respond to you in a negative way due to the fact that you are of a different nationality is too much and a misunderstanding for me, it's just as if this person will take and insult your family, but you understand that he (was) a friend- sometimes you even want to cry from this, I'm sorry. I also want to point out that it's not our fault that we are participating with the whole planet in this war, all our leaders are not perfect and we can't do anything about it

[rainbowsky]

Dear Rainbow Sky,

I was the one who asked u the earlier question anonymously. I wish to send my heartfelt thanks to you for taking time to respond so fast even though I posted anonymously. Sorry for the long essay.

I did not know what is the right etiquette as I am new to tumblr (i created this account just so I could read your blog which I really enjoyed reading.) and IRL, I am just a middle aged asian lady who is not too internet savvy, stumbling into this, and honestly a little confused why I feel so emotionally invested in this, as you say!! (Sorry new turtle)

Wishing you a great weekend ahead! My thanks once again!!

🙏🙏🙏

This is in reference to a previous post.

Hi new turtle! 💛🐢💛

I have some advice for new turtles, so let's dig in.

Thank you for writing back, kaijumama, it is nice to be able to put a name to the message! No need to apologize or feel you've done anything wrong. I know I can come off as brusque sometimes, but I've gotten a lot of a certain tone of message lately and I'm trying to set some boundaries around what ends up in my inbox.

Anyway, I know what it feels like to be emotionally invested in GG and DD and their relationship. It is a difficult thing to explain to anyone who's outside of the fandom, but it's a feeling and a connection that builds, and sometimes it can become very emotional or feel very personal.

All I can tell you is, take your time, relax and find a region of turtledom that feels soothing and warm, and everything will rapidly improve for you.

When you are a new turtle it can feel like everything has a lot of significance. It can feel like everything is either proof they are together or proof they've broken up or never were together in the first place. I think a lot of turtles go through that phase and it can be a roller coaster.

It's important for all new turtles to realize that if a claim or narrative you're being told about GGDD or something relating to them makes you feel horrible about yourself and about being a turtle, chances are really good that it was intentionally crafted for that purpose by haters. Avoid, block and ignore.

Usually that experience becomes a lot more stable and relaxed as time goes by and you become more familiar with the fandom and with the various ideas and theories and bits of information we base our beliefs on, but getting there can be a struggle emotionally for people who are very invested.

All I can say to that is:

Enjoy GG and DD and their works. That should always be our main focus as fans. It has the added bonus of being very enjoyable and enriching to our lives.

Take your time to get to know other turtles, get familiar with relevant social media accounts, and get to know the core turtle content and theories.

Avoid and ignore anti messages (and if a message makes you feel like a bad person or like being a turtle is bad, it's an anti message - yes, even if it seems friendly. A lot of antis phrase things in a concen-trolling kind of way to get under people's radar). Block and ignore.

Exercise patience and restraint around new information and claims that seem unsettling. Don't immediately freak out. Take your time to learn more. Trust that if experienced turtles are not freaking out, tearing out their hair and crying, then everything's probably just fine. It's so easy to get sucked into despair and confusion as a new turtle because you don't yet know the significance or lack of significance of something. Experienced turtles do.

Use your feelings as a signal about where you should be. If you feel really bad and stressed out, you're probably in the wrong area or among the wrong people. Find a corner of turtledom that makes you happy and avoid the ones that don't.

Stick to turtle spaces at all times - especially if you're a new turtle. This is for your own well-being, so you won't get misled and abused by antis. That means staying away from all hashtags on Twitter (even bjyx and yizhan ones, because antis frequently post to those), this includes staying away from hashtags of GG and DD's individual names (staying off Twitter entirely, IMHO). Avoid all solo spaces, including GG and DD's individual supertopics and fan clubs. More on that here.

Do not engage in fan wars or arguments, especially if you're new. You'll get eaten alive, and nothing will be resolved. You're not going to change anyone's mind.

Understand that we will likely never be directly, clearly acknowledged or thanked by GG and DD as fans in a clear, unambiguous way. Quite the contrary, GG and DD will sometimes have to distance themselves from us for the good of their careers and to mollify solos. GG and DD give us what they can, but there's never going to be a grand public declaration of support and appreciation for us. The situation will never allow for that. GG and DD will always have to cater to solos above us, and that will always lead to solos feeling superior and being dicks to us. That's just the way things are.

Realize that part of being a turtle is being marginalized and hated. There are so many groups that will be out to get us. Homophobes, GG's solo fans, DD's solo fans, people who are against what they view as 'shipping real people' (I don't 'ship' anyone, I believe GG and DD are in a real relationship), people who think we are delusional creepy weirdos, people who are against fandom in general, people who hate celebrities and fan culture, people who hate GG and DD, people in our daily lives who 'don't get it' and feel annoyed by our fixation, etc. etc. It just goes with the territory.

Embrace uncertainty. This is not a fandom of knowns and for sures. GG and DD will almost certainly never come out and confirm their relationship. Most of the theories we have will never be confirmed or factually fully substantiated. We will likely always have to deal with a certain measure of doubt and uncertainty. That's just the nature of this fandom.

Remember turtles have shells. Build yours, because you're going to need it. Being a turtle is not for the faint of heart.

One important thing I can say to you and all new turtles:

Almost nothing we see about GG and DD will be significant to their relationship.

A lot of new turtles try to evaluate every bit of info about GG and DD through the lens of whether it proves they're together, or whether it proves they're not. In reality, almost none of the information we see will have any significance or connection to their relationship either way. Viewing things through such a lens is unnecessarily stressful and frankly a bit foolish.

They're both individuals first and foremost, so while it's nice to hunt for candy sometimes, it's also important to keep perspective and remember them as individuals who have their own lives. The vast majority of things we see/hear about have absolutely nothing to do with them as a couple. More on that toward the end of this post.

It's best to avoid seeing/interpreting everything through the lens of whether they're a couple or not. Most joy/pain extremes can be avoided that way. Just enjoy them and their works, and the rest will follow over time.

You might also find my fandom survival guide helpful.

As a new turtle you might also find my masterlist post helpful. A lot of older topics, common questions and background can be found there.

Here are a few posts I recommend for new turtles:

BXG Glossary

BXG Calendar

About Kadian

GG and DD’s projects

Is YiZhan real?

Which do you love more?

Proof they’re still together?

Fandom Survival Guide

BXG Fandom Etiquette

Why so much hate from solos?

“I came across a nasty rumor about them online”

[fitgirlfemdom]

hi! I’m just curious about something you mentioned about not being explicitly into everything you post - do you think it’s attracted unwanted attention? would you rather discuss non-kink topics on here as well? I think it would be cool if you incorporated some of the other stuff you’re passionate about (anime, music, etc) 🖤

The real me is not as sexual as this account displays. I've been celibate for half a year and I masturbate maybe once or twice a week for like 20 min. I still write and draw NSFW content, but that's for my main art account that isn't linked here (this isn't for privacy or anything--i just have art moots that probably don't wanna see fat bears eating cake on their timeline 24/7).

90% of the stuff I write/have posted about, I'm into, and I enjoyed writing, especially my longer posts! If I wasn't interested in something, I wouldn't write about it for free. The issue was messages in my DMs, especially near the beginning of this account. It's why I tried enforcing the rule that if you send me face pics, I'd block you, because a lot of the people that messaged me I did not find sexually attractive. Without a face, it's much easier to RP. Also because of the dick pics. Don't get me wrong, some of you guys had very respectable cocks but I can't deny that it made me feel gross to be sent them without my consent.

The worst part was actually enjoying talking to some of you, and then realizing you clearly just used me as a dumping ground for your fetish pics, without any consideration as to who I was. It was like my DMs were just "Send Photos of Your Gut to 19 Year Old Girl Here" without any personality, any interest in who I was. Just a nameless girl who you could imagine your fantasies with. I'd ask about your day or what you were interested in, and I'd get a pic of your gut in an office chair with "whoaaaaa just drank two liters of soda :/ so bloated rn." How do I respond to that? "Good"? 😭

I think the worst DM I got was a guy saying I was "in denial about being a housewife," which I mean, I've dabbled in misogyny kink content before. Bimbofication is literally on my profile. I've never brought up my feminist views or politics, although I would consider myself a feminist, since all people should have equal rights and freedom of expression. I also believe housewives can be feminists. There is nothing on my account about my political views, nor about my career or education, because it's not important to writing porn about feeding dudes cake.

When I brushed him off with a "Haha," he just kept going, paragraphs and paragraphs about how he wanted me to be his trophy wife and clean his shit out of a bucket??? You don't even know me??? And I never responded, but it really just made me realize--just saying I'm into femdom, no matter what it is, is seen as a political transgression to these people. I'm literally into gentle femdom and want a chubby hubby/wife that I can make happy and secure financially. None of my posts are "Women are superior, men should be locked in cages." Most of my posts are "I want a gym guy who enjoys my cooking and jerks off a lot."

I DO use female supremacy tags sometimes because I use dozens of tags, and that's on me. I just type "fem" and click the ones that come up. I've also written works that are VERY misogynistic, like calling myself a fleshlight or literally writing fics about me getting gangbanged. I feel like this guy just saw "femdom" in my username and lost his mind. By tagging my stuff like this, I honestly was asking for trouble to come, so yeah, I think I just got unwanted attention I wasn't ready for.

In regards to talking about others topics, I just figured no one gave a shit, and people probably don't, but I am very passionate about metal music and music history. I have a useless amount of knowledge about various 90s/2000s metal bands and music from that time. If I get asked questions about it, I'll answer, and I DO need to follow more people on this website, but my current answer is: I don't know, maybe. I'll see how I feel.

[silverynight]

The Sun hashira

<---Previous

Part II

At first Yoriichi thinks that not inviting them to his estate will be more than enough to keep them away, Michikatsu doesn't agree with him, but they try anyway.

Of course it's useless; they keep appearing to pay "them" a visit (although they all know they just want to see Tanjirou) and bring his son all kinds of gifts that unfortunately he likes very much.

At least Nezuko and Rui are on the same page as Yoriichi because they keep glaring at the Pillars every time they see them.

He tries to talk to Ubuyashiki about it, although the man seems to be really amused by the whole situation. However, he agrees to have a conversation about it with all the hashira.

Ubuyashiki decides to send a message to everyone and gather them for a meeting; he invites Yoriichi and Michikatsu as well since they're part of the problem.

"I believe the right thing to do would be to ask Tanjirou himself if he'd like to keep seeing us or not," Shinobu says at some point to which every single hashira agrees with a nod immediately.

Michikatsu rolls his eyes at them and even though Yoriichi would like to do the same, he knows at least one of them has to behave like the adult there.

"He's too young to decide for himself."

"He's eighteen," Giyuu reminds him, to which Yoriichi can help but respond with a growl.

They all know Tanjirou would agree in a heartbeat; he likes the Pillars and even if he didn't, he's too kind and gentle to say 'No' to anyone.

"I'm his father," Yoriichi says then; years ago he would have hesitated to say that, especially because Kie was still alive and he didn't want to overstep his bounds, but now that he knows he's the only thing that Tanjirou and his two siblings have, he won't hesitate anymore.

At least no one dares to argue with him about that.

"He's still an adult who can decide for himself," Tengen breaks the silence before smirking: "I married my three wives when they were eighteen, so Tanjirou is–"

"No," Michikatsu cuts him off with a snarl. "Don't say one more word."

"He's right, Tengen," Obanai scolds him. "Just shut up."

Yoriichi decides that the sound hashira is the one he dislikes the most at the moment. Although Sanemi tried to attack the box, he apologized to Tanjirou almost immediately afterwards.

"I think Tanjirou should have a say in this," Ubuyashiki finally cuts in. Michikatsu looks like he's about to protest, but Yoriichi puts a hand on his shoulder before he makes it worse. "However, Yoriichi has been Tanjirou's guardian and father for years now so his approval is very important."

"Then at least we should have the opportunity to prove ourselves," Gyomei says suddenly to which Yoriichi sighs in defeat. Yes, that's more than fair, even though he doesn't want to give them a chance.

The thought of someone taking his children away, even one of them scares him too much. And thinking that they could hurt Tanjirou makes his blood boil, even though he knows all of them are good people.

"That sounds fair," Ubuyashiki agrees. "Maybe you should come up with different kind of tests to determine if they're a good match for Tanjirou."

"Alright," Yoriichi takes a deep breath. "The first test is simple, the one who manages to defeat my brother gets to spend an hour with Tanjirou."

The only reason he doesn't do it on his own is because he doesn't trust himself not to kill them in the process.

Michikatsu looks like some sort of devil when he finally grins at the Pillars, but none of them seem to be afraid of him.

It's worse than Yoriichi thought; they're not just attracted to his Tanjirou, they're halfway in love with him.

"Deal." Shinobu agrees, which prompts Ubuyashiki to approve of it immediately.

Since his brother looks murderous, Yoriichi changes the rules and tells them that it's a hand to hand combat and the first one to hit the floor loses.

Of course Michikatsu easily starts defeating them one by one until... Well, neither Yoriichi nor his brother realized that Gyomei was that strong. Although they should've seen it coming.

The stone hashira is the first one to get a "date" with his son.

***

The day Himejima comes to pay them a visit, his uncle Michikatsu is in the estate too and he looks a little bit irritated the whole day.

Tanjirou wants to ask his uncle if he's okay, but he gets distracted when the stone hashira stops right in front of him (making him feel very small because the Pillar is very tall, the tallest person Tanjirou has ever seen) and gives him a beautiful necklace.

"For me?" The redhead asks, unsure, staring at the expensive piece of jewelry with a light blush on his cheeks.

"Yes, it's for you, Tanjirou." Himejima says, smiling kindly. "The woman who sells them told me it was beautiful. I hope you like it."

"I love it!" Tanjirou beams, taking Himejima's hand to lead him inside the house and make him some tea. "Come with me. I'll make you something to eat."

They stay inside, sitting next to each other, talking about training and meditation; Himejima gives him amazing advice about how to get to the next level of his training.

Tanjirou quickly realizes that he enjoys talking with the stone hashira a lot; the Pillars have been visiting them lately, although they spend all the time with Tanjirou and have to go quickly. This is actually the first time one of them stays that long and Tanjirou really hopes it's not the last time that happens.

"Can I touch your face again?" Himejima asks quietly, looking a little bit shy.

"Of course!" Tanjirou agrees immediately.

"I think it'd be better for you to sit on my lap," the hashira tells him.

"Sure," the redhead says, allowing Himejima to carry him and place him on his lap. Tanjirou's heart starts beating inside his chest like crazy, he's not sure why.

Himejima is very gentle, almost like he's afraid to hurt Tanjirou; his thumbs start stroking the boy's cheeks and forehead delicately before his index finger touches the tip of his nose.

It makes Tanjirou chuckle.

"You're beautiful."

"I'm not," the redhead mumbles, giggling again. "But thank you."

"I think you don't realize how pretty you are, Tanjirou."

Suddenly, his Dad appears in the room with a frown upon his face.

"Time's up," he says, almost growling.

"Dad!" Tanjirou moves away from Himejima, looking at Yoriichi like he can't believe it. "He's our guest!"

Immediately, Yoriichi's face softens as soon as his eyes meet Tanjirou's.

"It's alright, little one. Gyomei told me to remind him after one hour because he has important things to do."

"That's right," Himejima agrees, leaning to give Tanjirou a kiss on the forehead. "Don't worry, I'll be back soon."

"Who knows... you and the others need to train a lot lately," Yoriichi says, looking very irritated. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'm sure I'll be back, Tanjirou. Can't wait to see you again," Himejima insists, turning around to look at the boy.

Yoriichi has to hold back a growl. Tanjirou pouts, wondering why his father seems so upset out of the sudden.

***

Yoriichi is sure he'd be great at hunting Pillars for sport, but they're, unfortunately, very useful for the Corps.

"I think I'm ready to train again," Tanjirou tells him, making Yoriichi smile at him.

He takes his son in his arms and nuzzles against his hair like he did when he was a little child.

Tanjirou hugs him back, chuckling the whole time.

"Give a hug to your uncle too," Michikatsu says, spreading his arms as Yoriichi hands him the happy boy.

"Gladly!" Tanjirou says with a huge grin.

"Now go wake up your siblings, the sun is completely gone now. They can help you with your training."

Tanjirou nods and disappears inside the house almost immediately.

Yoriichi turns to look at his brother. Almost as if he's reading his mind, Michikatsu says: "Don't worry, nobody will be able to defeat me in the next test; there's no one faster than me."

***

Next--->

Patreon

[horizon-verizon]

Personally I take a show! Rhaenys as an affront against me.

The first time I read about dance, I was about 17? (and if I'm not mistaken I had only read until feast and I met her through world of ice and fire) And I thought she was the most impressive character in the entire book despite having such a small mention.It was incredibly important to me to have this woman who was overlooked simply for being a woman and supported the next woman who found herself in that situation faithfully, to the point that he died fighting for her and her claim.

There is an underlying idea that women of past generations who had been hurt, offended and overlooked said "no, you. You will succeed and I will help you." I found it incredibly beautiful, it was powerful, it was something I wanted in my life.

So when the show tries to eliminate this sonority *hurts* and I find it unforgivable.

Show!Rhaenys is mean to Rhaenyra, she failed and considers herself morally and intellectually superior to the rest of the women around her, but since she was never successful no other woman ever did.She sees the traps, she lived the traps and instead of telling the women who come after "just because it's hard and it's going to be bloody doesn't mean you should give up" tells them "you better not try it, give up because the cost is not worth it (although I didn't even try)"

Rhaenys' death in the show will lose all its meaning, because whatever the reason she dies, she will not be dying for the cause and archetypically that mattered.

Her death may be painful for those who like the character, but it will lack true weight, which is what matters when you tell a story, especially a story with a *message*.

I would dare say that in the original story Rhaenyra represents the symbol, the piece to be crowned or sacrificed.Alicent and Rhaenys are contrasts at two extremes.Alicent the woman at the service of the patriarchy who will sacrifice other women if it gives her some indirect power, Rhaenys, the woman who will fight against The Status Quo even if she is not the one who will embody the power she fights for.

I'm just saying that they took a simple story, with a theme and a message and characters that embody and build archetypes and transformed it into a 6 o'clock soap opera and I can't forgive them for that.I especially can't forgive them for what they did to Rhaenys.

Maybe responding to this post.

Rhaenys' death in the show will lose all its meaning, because whatever the reason she dies, she will not be dying for the cause and archetypically that mattered.

As you say, it will be those who always rooted for her or those who haven't really prioritized/clocked what Rhaenyra's story's significance as a anti-misogyny piece it was or want to be ignorant about how the unreliable narrators of F&B actually operate (I mean, this is the same woman who wanted to join her dad to battle the Myrish while she was trill pregnant with either Laena or Laenor...why can't she be the women who argued for them to burn down the Red Keep?!). What's infuriating, anon, is that some people will probabaly argue that you built up a false or very flawed and trussed up image of Rhaenys in your head once they learn abt you having been 17 when you read this...as if 17 year olds don't read far more complex literary work, and those with unreliable narrators all the time!!!

Ever since show!Rhaenys didn't kill the greens when she had the chance, the overall enthusiasm around her character has dropped and stayed steady, at least from what I've seen. Yeah it makes sense for her to not want to perform first blood and truely ensure a war...but then what was the whole point of her standing there for a few minutes on Meleys as if she were contemplating it? Does it really take that long to get to that logical point when you already have shown and acted to keep yourself and Baela out of the "g v b" business?! This is me taking the show's writing at face value/Watsonianly, btw. Yeah she doesn't want to possibly get herself accused of kinslaying...however, if Rhaenrya truly wishes to protect Baela and Rhaena's hold over Driftmark without the greens breathing down their neck and therefore undermining that rule...if that is her true primary objective...take one for the "team".

Because her primary objective is certainly not to "protect the realm" when she kills thousands of smallfolk instead of sitting in her room as a hostage and allowing the greens to try to pressure Rhaenyra to give up.

Anyway, she shouldn't have even stayed behind with her grandkids both gone back in episode 8. she's merely there so they can do that substance-less spectacle of a last moment in epi 8.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking my SO to do something that they have trauma around?

I don't know when this will be posted but as of writing we are about 2 weeks post valentines day. Ages and genders irrelevant, we're in our 20s and queer.

So I have not been with Jordan long, but we knew each out for a few months as friends before we got together, and have been close pretty much all of the time we've known each other. This is to say, I know them pretty well despite us not actually having been dating that long.

Because we were already friends I knew going into the relationship, without Jordan specifically saying anything, that they had plans on Valentines day. They got tickets to a concert I wasn't interested in a decent amount of time before we got together.

Obviously, not an issue in the slightest, and neither of us brought up anything regarding Valentines day. It was a week day, so I was working all day, and then the time of the concert meant there was no possibility of meeting up after, just not meant to be this year. I thought we were in the same boat just silently agreeing that the timing wasn't right but that it wasn't a big enough deal to even be worth bringing up, especially in such a new relationship.

Some backstory on me: I'm a hopeless romantic and have a kind of cute aesthetic? I like dressing in bright colours, and some of my favourite outfits have prints of hearts, flowers, and cherries. Needless to say I really enjoy the aesthetic of Valentines day, and I've always kind of fantasised about being able to spend it with someone I have romantic feelings for. I've only had two romantic relationships before this and the first one only lasted 6 months and didn't make it to Valentines day, and in the second we both contracted the same bug and were horribly sick throughout February.

Obviously I don't think you should only do things for your SO on Valentines day, but I think it would be fun to have the chance to really get into it! In the past I've organised Valentines day events with my other single friends where we dress in pink and have heart shaped foods etc and those have been great, but haven't quite satisfied my desire to have a Romantic Valentines.

So, despite the fact that my SO was busy, I wanted to do a little something. I do digital art, so when I got home from work I drew a pun Valentines card featuring Jordan's favourite character. It took a few hours and I was pretty proud of how it came out. I knew they were at the concert still, but I texted it to them, so they could see it after.

They responded that night and their first message was just "oh." I've known Jordan long enough that i read the tone to be "oh, now I to have a conversation I didn't want to have." They went on to explain that they associate Valentines day with some past trauma. I won't give any details here, but the tone of the conversation was that they don't celebrate Valentines day because of their trauma, and this seemed like a very final stance.

Now. I don't think I'm TA for drawing the art and sending it, this had never been brought up before, so I didn't know I was crossing a boundary.

I do think Jordan is slightly TA for not saying anything about my art that I worked hard on, but only slightly bc I assume the trauma response just kind of took over.

But my question is, WIBTA if I asked my SO to celebrate Valentines day with me in future even though it's something they have trauma around?

I'm not planning to force them or anything and it doesn't even have to be in the next few years, but thinking long term it feels really gloomy to me to have to miss out on Valentines forever when my SO could be making new memories with me so that mentions of the holiday are less painful.

I don't expect them to just "get over" it magically or anything but I want to ask if it's something they'd possibly want to work up to? I swear I'm not trying to be dismissive their response is fully valid and I don't want to imply my silly fantasies are more important than their traumatic reality I just want to know if this would be an asshole move or not.

What are these acronyms?

[bil-daddy]

Mr bildad the shuhite, I need some advice. What do I do when that familiar overwhelming sadness washes over me? Ive been feeling horribly depressed lately, even though I have no real reason to be. I do talk to my friends abt this, but I dont want to talk abt my mental state ONLY and drive them away, so I refrain from talking abt it too much even tho it feels like it will drown me, because I am too afraid of seeming clingy.

Its been getting worse lately, and all I can do is distract myself from it. Ive been excessively sleeping just to not.. feel. I dont know what to do, nor do I know how to not feel this way

I made myself a nice breakfast, and it felt good. And then the feeling came back, like a drip drip drip from the leaking faucet of my mental health I cant control. I am scared. I am so scared

Sorry if this ask wasnt what u were expecting, or if u cant help me either, thats completely fine. I just needed to share somehow how scared I am. Of myself, what I feel I dont know

I dont know. I just dont know

Best wishes,

Anon❤️

*shows up one month late carrying six shots of espresso in a big cup to answer this ask*

It's taken me a while to respond to this because 1) I've been going through a bit of the same thing myself and 2) I haven't figured out a solution yet.

I do have some ideas, though.

You were on the right track, making yourself a nice breakfast. Little things like that make a bigger difference than you think. In fact, I think we should all try to live in the little moments as much as we can. Sometimes, when you're feeling depressed but can't point at a reason in your own life, it's because you're reacting to large scale problems that, while very real, are out of your control--and you know this, and so you feel depressed and scared because there's nothing you can do.

But there is something you can do.

Do at least one thing nice for yourself everyday as part, even if it's something really small. Especially something really small. Listen to your favourite song. Eat a piece of chocolate, just because. Play with a pet, if you have one.

And, if you're up to it, do at least one nice thing for someone else, too. Help your parents with the chores. Call a grandparent and brighten their day. Send a kind message to a friend.

Because you should keep on talking to your friends. The right friends will be honoured you've opened up to them. Listen to your friends, too. They might be going through things to, and being a comfort to them might in turn make you feel better, as well. Being part of a community, even if it's just a small group of friends--or even a group of two--can really help. Having you a sense of purpose, belonging, and importance is part of what makes people people.

Sleeping a lot isn't necessarily bad. Ive done that myself (for totally normal amounts of time, definitly not entire century or anything) Sometimes, your body and your mind just needs the rest. But if you feel like you're sleeping too much, then you probably need something exciting to be awake for.

It might be time to try out a new hobby, start a new TV show or book, take a class, or set a new goal that you can work towards a little bit every day. The mind craves new experiences and challenges. If everything's been the same for a while, depression can set in simply due to boredom.

However, there could just as easily be other causes, which are worth looking into with a therapist and a psychiatrist, if you want to try the medical route--and it is worth a try with persistent depression.

It sounds to me like you also have some anxiety about having depression, since it scares you (and rightfully so, it is scary) that you can feel it coming on and that you can't control it. For that, in addition to what I've already mentioned above, I'd suggest thinking about it differently. Instead of leaking faucet you're desperately trying to shut off, let yourself feel whatever emotions you're feeling*

(*safely and within reason--don't harm yourself or others)

Cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let it out.

Sometimes, the sadness we fear feeling ends up not being as bad as the fear of it. You might feel relieved, once you're no longer bottling everything up and sleeping/distracting yourself to avoid feeling sad. As cliche as a it is, the only way out is through.

Have an ox rib (platonic) for the journey. You can do it.

[northern-passage]

honestly same...I also only stick to reading the same ifs I've been reading since like 2 years ago + as a disabled lgbt person this community has gotten to toxic to interact wth tbh

hmmm putting this under a read more but here's some ramblings about my personal experience as well as some advice if anyone wants it

before i started writing tnp, when i was just a reader, it was very easy to curate my space and avoid a lot of the nastier people (especially back when the forums were the main space for people to talk about IF. i didn't go on the forums at all) and i was very much outside of the fandom and followed only like one artist whose recommendations i started off with before finding more stuff on my own.

once i became an author though it is impossible to avoid certain groups of people and it's really hard to hold on to that comfortable space. over the last like 3 years now my audience has definitely changed and dwindled a lot due to my.... Big personality but before that i had to endure a lot of harassment, people stalking me, people harassing my friends just for being my friend, almost constant transphobia and racism, and even now i still have people that seem to just camp in my inbox waiting for any opportunity to try and hurt me/get a reaction out of me.

i've been pretty open about all of this stuff happening too which most people also don't like, though that seems to be pretty standard across any fandom when you try to talk about how bad they are. i'm never really surprised when other authors delete without any warning or they just slowly stop posting and never come back. it's definitely something i've wanted to do more than once and still think about sometimes. even now after finally seeming to find my "niche" and a more understanding audience, it's really hard and i struggle with finding inspiration and motivation because of how people have treated me.

unfortunately i think it's always been this way, it's the nature of sharing work online and especially with IF feeling so "collaborative" people really feel entitled to it. and i also see readers facing this same kind of harassment, too, so it's definitely not just an author problem.

my advice is to just block and ignore people as best you can and just stay in your own little bubble with your friends or at least people that you trust. if you're an author going through any of the things i mentioned then just know there are a lot of other authors that have had to go through it, too, and that you should also just block and ignore to the best of your ability. just because you're an author doesn't mean you have to tolerate it. i used to respond to a lot of messages which is why i feel that a lot of my harassment lasted for so long, because they thought it was "funny" to upset me, but the more you respond and give them attention the more they'll keep doing it. so just block anons and move on (i know i make it sound so simple. trust me i used to be really bad about it, now i try to take at least a day or two before responding and usually by that time i realize how stupid it is and i just delete it without any fanfare)

at the end of the day though it's your decision, and your well-being comes first before anything else. i say this to both authors and readers, there's no reason to force yourself to stay in a place that makes you uncomfortable or is triggering. sometimes it's better to just let go and move on, though i know that's easier said than done. i'm a prime example as someone who still logs into tumblr daily despite trying really hard not to do that.

and i'm not saying to give up on your work, but rather that writing privately is always an option, and it's what i've been doing now with my other projects ever since i took siren's call down. i know the desire for outside validation can be overwhelming but i think it's important to remember that you should be writing this for yourself first and that there's no harm in keeping your work private until you're ready. tumblr is fun but there's also a lot of problems that can be difficult to deal with while you're also trying to keep motivation and creativity up to write your story, and it can be really discouraging.

like i said, your first priority should be yourself, and if you have to step back away from tumblr/fandom then you should & you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

all of that to say that there are nice people out there, too, i've made really good friends here and i really value their friendship and their understanding, especially when i was going through the worst of it. and there are a lot of readers who have been very kind to me and that have sent me very nice messages and drawn lovely art over the years and i always try to focus on that over everything else.

it can be really easy to get overwhelmed by all the negativity and hostility which is why it's so important to find your people and be supportive of each other.

[jackoshadows]

Why do you think there is so much animosity between Sansa fans and Dany fans? I can understand how conflict comes up between Sansa fans and Arya fans given the conflict between the characters but I can’t figure out what the issue is with Dany fans vs Sansa fans. It can’t JUST be because of shipping, right? I’m a big fan of Dany, Arya, and Jon, but I still do like (canon) Sansa as a character and honestly see a lot of similarities between her and Dany. Their stories have definite parallels and anti parallels and I don’t really know why I don’t see anyone else talk about it. Every time I try to talk to a Sansa blog or a fellow Dany blog about it, I never hear back. What gives??

I don't like the both siding in this ask. Sansa fans keep spewing hateful nonsense, farcical theories and made up headcanons in the form of 'intellectual' discourse in the Dany/Arya/Jon tags and then when book fans of those characters respond, the so called 'neutral' bnfs pretend both sides are to blame.

All this explained very clearly here.

And while I personally feel that Dany and Sansa have very little in common as characters, there's a lot of fandom metas/essays/gifsets and fanarts paralleling these two as fandom faves. You should be able to find them on many of the character blogs if you are interested in that sort of thing.

IMO, Daenerys is clearly written as a tier I main character. She drives her story more than any other character in the series as the sole representative of her house and considering how isolated she is from every other POV character. The story in her POV is about her.

If we are looking at parallels, then it's Daenerys and Arya who have a lot of commonality in their way of thinking, their concern for the little guy, in their ideas of justice and dispensing that justice, right and wrong, their toughing it out on their way to the top, their proactive nature in getting things done, to be in charge, their love of nature etc.

With respect to the increase in toxicity from the Sansa fandom post show, then yes, that's because of shipping and Jonsa. A lot of the hate that the character of Daenerys gets is from Sansa fans - especially on Tumblr - because of her foreshadowed future relationship with Jon Snow and they want fanon, self-insert Sansa to have Dany's plot importance and story in the books. It's different on asoiaf sites like Reddit and Westeros.org - the majority of Dany hate on there is from Stannis/Jon Snow fans who are not big fans of a female character being the prophesied chosen one/top dog of the series.

And I point to shipping being the big reason because of my personal fandom experience on this site. This is me going down memory lane but I remember around 2015/16, I wrote these angry, frustrated posts calling out the TV show for taking Jon's book plot and writing that for show Sansa and Sansa's actions in the Battle of the Bastards in season 6. At that time a lot of Dany fans were also big Sansa fans and attacked me for being a 'misogynistic dudebro'. I am not naming names - shit's in the past - but I used to get blocked and get hateful inbox messages for criticizing show Sansa's actions.

During season 6 there were so many posts about Jon Snow being an useless idiot who deserved to die, Sansa was right to not tell him because he's a moron, Sansa's the politician/general who knows best, she deserved to be queen, Jon's the worst for stealing Sansa's birthright else Sansa and Dany would have ruled as best queens of westeros etc. - all from Daenerys fans!!

This was some kind of superficial notion of girl power with Sansa and Dany girlbossing around Westeros, bow down before these Queens sort of thing and fuck the actual book story. Arya was never included in these conversations because she did not wear dresses and Maisie Williams was not conventionally beautiful like Emilia Clarke and Sophie Turner and therefore did not fit into these Girlboss headcanons.

And then before season 7 was when we got the leaked spoilers of Jonerys meeting at Dragonstone. And this was when the full toxicity of the Jonsa shippers was unleashed. This was when we got 'Political!Jon' and all sorts of vile hate for Daenerys and more and more Dany fans started to react to that hate from the Sansa fandom.

Fandom always, always influences our likes and dislikes of characters (This is why I stay away from some fandoms - I don't want to end up hating characters) And this is what happened here. The Sansa/Jonsa fandom was so vile that a lot of Dany fans on tumblr stopped stanning for Sansa.

Fast forward to 2019 and the same Dany stans - again, not naming names but the very same Dany stans - who attacked me for being a sexist, male dude for critiquing show Sansa in season 6, started critiquing show Sansa when Dany got the same treatment that Jon, Arya and Bran got before her with the show tearing down these characters to prop up Sansa. Suddenly it was no longer misogynistic to call out how these characters were being torn down in order to prop up Sansa when they share scenes with her 😂😂😂.

That’s why I don’t hold much stock in words like ‘misogyny’ and ‘sexist’ randomly thrown around without context by the stans of female characters to attack people for critiquing said female character. I have been at the receiving end of this for years from the Jonsa fandom because I call out their utter nonsense.

The sexism and misogyny occurs when a female character is criticized for doing the same thing a male character is praised for - for ex. Daenerys gets a lot of this because she has parallel arcs with Jon Snow and very often she gets attacked for doing the same things that Jon is praised for. Even the show did this - Dany getting unfair flack for executing traitors when Jon Snow and the North do it all the time. The sexism is in how Arya gets attacked as being ‘male-coded’ because she’s not the right kind of girl. The sexism is in the slut shaming and commentary about how Daenerys is not the right kind of rape victim. The sexism is in the popular theories like political!Jon - wherein Jon Snow turns into LF 2.0 and sexually manipulates and seduces a rape victim.

Sexism is not simply liking a male character or critiquing a female character - there needs to be context. One does not simply throw around these heavy words simply to attack other bloggers to win fandom points. The word then loses it’s meaning.

So yeah, I ended up going on a tangent about my fandom experiences when the show was running. I do think a lot of the beef and toxicity in this fandom comes from shipping and Sansa fans wanting her to be something she is not. They want her to be a tier I main character with the story revolving around her love life as she Disney princess rules the North with sewing and dancing. And this leads to them diminishing the actual main characters and taking away from main characters to give to her. Naturally fans of the main character are going to push back against this.

And Sansa is a classist, sexist character and so her fans espouse classist, sexist viewpoints to justify her actions. Their love for all things 'traditional' and sticking to the status quo - 'Jon being KITN would be boring, he should stay a bastard, Arya being lady of WF is not right as she does not want to wear dresses, Dany will be mad like her father she can't escape her genes, Tyrion is doomed' etc. is based on Sansa being a traditional, pro-status quo character. Hence why there is so much clashing of ideas and discourse happening in the fandom.

So yeah. Honestly, I am just tired of seeing all these posts bothsiding fandom drama and making it seem like all the stans are equally responsible when the majority of fandom toxicity is started by stans of one character - Sansa - with the result being fans of other characters pushing back against their nonsense.