#esp this time of year: looking back + looking ahead

[foxsoulcourt]

looking back, sailing ahead

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[cherrymoonvol6]

oh.

[alltheboysandgirlsiloved]

one thing I haven't touched upon yet is how well the showrunners handled the time jump between Camp Cretaceous and Chaos Theory and more specifically - how well they handled maturing the campers.

At least to me the transition is nearly smoothless. Like, a couple of years have passed for those kids and those included years when people tend to change a lot - from children they grow into young adults. And the show did a fantastic job of shaping their adult forms in terms of personality. Because all of them have the core traits that we associated them with in Camp Cretaceous but at the same time they are more mature and carry their experiences on their back - both the experiences that we know of and those that could potentially fill up the time jump space if you know what I mean.

I look at Kenji for example and I still see remains of the boy that he was - a little bit arrogant (it still shows! he is very proud just of different things!), someone who doesn't shy away from an argument; but at the same time I see a man who has spent hours teaching kids and adults how to rock-climb - he can be patient too; I see someone who had to re-evaluate a lot in his life, and I can see that it wasn't easy, that it took a toll on him.

Or for example Sammy! Someone who loves her friends and family dearly still, a girl who was willing to fight for those she loved. But at the same time I see a young woman who knows that sometimes a compromise is the best option (like that situation with her neighbor). I see someone who still learns when her love and affection need to take a backseat for others to develop. I see someone who knows that sometimes being apart, even if it hurts, may be a good thing. I see someone forgiving but persistent.

Ben too... A boy who went through severe trauma that made his personality do flip and then, once time passed, he started rebuilding what was left of his old core. Anxious he is, a little boy still, but also a fighter - because he had to be one. At the same time, I see a young man who is a little torn on where he stands, who still figures out the details of his personality but who also knows his strengths and capabilities. In the end, he is energy-unbound, and he is eager to learn about the world in so many ways.

Darius, a boy who lost so much, and a young man who lost just as much. Life hasn't been easy on him. In jwcc grief encouraged him to attend camp, fulfill his father's dream. In jwct that aspect of his personality develops even more - now grief spins him into action, he doesn't wait for things to happen, he acts. He can work with others but he can also rely on himself, he grew up; he knows that he can handle himself, he still learns that he can reach out and ask for help, but he's getting there. He really is.

Not to mention Yas who has always been a creative person. Yes, it may be surprising that I mention that first but look at her now - inventing stuff, conducting projects? Remember her sketchbook in jwcc? Yeah, look where that creativity took her, look where her compassion took her - she helps people by helping herself. It was such a problem for her in jwcc (esp at the beginning) and look at her now - she's miles ahead of her old self.

Their personalities make so much sense because they are a clear continuation of their personalities in jwcc, and that's one of the reasons why jwct is so freaking good.

[impala-dreamer]

Tell me a story about reader trying to hide something from Spencer Reid (fluffish)

A Not-So-Secret Secret

Spencer Reid x F!Reader

Fluff and Secrets and Pregnancy Revelations

Impala-Dreamer’s Masterlist  ~  Patreon  ~ Published Works

It was like trying to play tag with God. You took a step, and he followed. You turned a corner, and he was there waiting. It was fucking impossible. He seemed to be everywhere at the same time; his light brown eyes forever following you around, detailing and documenting every odd move and every evasive answer. It almost made you feel sorry for the serial killers he interviewed and every suspect he’d been in contact with.  

Almost. 

While you were becoming increasingly infuriated with his passive observational skills, you were still determined to keep it all a secret. Soon, you would make your little announcement, apologize for being so moody the last few weeks, and give an excuse for all the seemingly random running out of rooms you’d been doing in the early mornings. Soon, you’d sit him down and spill the beans; pray that he’d be OK with it all. Soon. But trekking through the damp woods of Vermont while looking for an UnSub was neither the time nor the place. 

Even though he was a few yards ahead, you could somehow still feel him watching you. It was as if he had eyes behind his head, or, at the very least, a bit of ESP that transcended the physical limitations of the human body and let him watch you no matter where he was. The internal workings of his mind were surely a sight to see. Maybe someday, you mused, you’d put him in an MRI machine and map his genius in real-time. 

Fallen branches snapped under your boots and the fog chilled your bones. The FBI windbreaker you’d grabbed instead of your usual wool coat was not enough to stave off the dampness. Pausing for a moment, you cupped your hands and breathed into them, hoping to take the frozen sting off of your fingertips.

Spencer heard your footsteps stop and spun around instantly. 

“Are you OK?” His voice was low but his concern carried easily through the trees.

A deep breath squared your shoulders and you prepared to resume your hike. “Absolutely,” you replied with a wink and a smile. 

He knew you were lying. He always knew. What he didn’t know, you hoped, was why. 

To your left, the heavy flapping of wings caught your ear, and you turned to see a large black bird taking flight. You followed it upwards, watching its impressive wingspan darken the sky as it ascended. As it faded into the gray sky, a line of smoke appeared about half a mile away. A chimney. The scent of burning logs floated by on a cold breeze and the smell turned your stomach. Quickly, you dropped your face into your hand, desperate to hide your gag. 

Spencer was a foot away when you straightened back up. His eyes were narrowed, his lips drawn into a tight pink line. He let his hand hover over your shoulder, unsure if you’d allow it to land. 

“Y/N-” 

Clearing your throat, you brushed him off with a reassuring but fake smile. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” 

Damnit. “Spencer, if I say I’m fine, I’m fine.” You crossed your arms and tried to stand your ground but another wave of nausea struck you. The wretch clicked in the back of your throat and you swallowed it down, hard. “Let’s go,” you insisted. “I’m freezing.” 

He sighed. “I told you to wear a sweater.” His hand fell lovingly on your shoulder. “You know, the weather in this area this time of year can-”

You cut him off harshly. “I do not need a lesson on the weather patterns of New England, Spencer!” 

He flinched at your tone and slowly curled his fingers as he lifted his hand away. He frowned and nodded thoughtfully. “Sorry.” 

Your heart sank and you cursed every wayward hormone and chemical in your body. “No.” You shook your head and sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just…” Moody and terrified. Starving yet nauseated; freezing yet sweating… “I’m cold and I wanna get back to the hotel. This is getting us nowhere.” Did I mention I’m gonna throw up if I have to keep smelling that fire? “Let’s just hurry up and do what we came to do so I can go home. OK?” Also, my feet hurt and I’m a little dizzy.

He studied your face for a long moment and then nodded. “Let’s just go. We’re only a mile from the car and I doubt we’ll get much further before you pass out.” 

His words flowed in one ear and out the other before spinning around and slapping you in the face. You jolted. 

“Uh, what?” 

“You’re shaking and you’ve gone a little pale.” His hand returned to your shoulder. The weight was reassuring but his words had you on edge. 

Do you know? You stared up at him, eyes narrowed in suspicion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I said I’m fine.”

His other hand pressed gently against your cheek and you melted into the comforting warmth. “You should probably eat something too. I have saltines and water in the car. It’ll settle your stomach.” 

Son of a bitch. “Not hungry,” you fibbed, “but thanks.” 

A gurgle from your stomach told otherwise and you gave up. Tiny tears welled in your eyes and you sank into yourself a bit. Busted. Found out. Betrayed by your own gut. 

Spencer smiled sweetly. “You know I know, right?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Well, I do now.” 

He pulled you close and kissed the top of your head. Wrapping your arms around him, you settled your head over his heart. 

“When were you going to tell me?” he asked. 

“I don’t know, when my water broke?”

He laughed. It vibrated through him. “Why were you afraid to tell me?” 

With a sigh, you pushed away to look up at him. He was handsome and messy and you wanted to punch him in his stupid perfect face for being so smart. “I wasn’t afraid, I just… wanted to… I don’t know, I mean, we never talked about kids or anything but-” 

He stopped your ramble with a kiss and held your face gently in his hands. “It’s a good surprise,” he whispered. “We’ll figure it out, OK?” 

His smile was honest and you relaxed. “OK.” 

“Good.” 

“But seriously, I need to eat something or I’m going to puke all over you.” 

The walk back to the car was somehow easier. Perhaps it was the relief of not having to hide anymore, or maybe the prospect of crackers ahead. Either way, it felt as if you were floating over the dead leaves. 

“I did hide it pretty well though, didn’t I?” 

He laughed under his breath at your query. “Yeah. Pretty good.” 

Who’s lying now?

“When did you figure it out?” 

Spencer pushed his glasses up a bit and looked off towards the big black SUV waiting at the edge of the forest. 

“Few weeks ago,” he admitted. 

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He smiled. “You left the pregnancy test on the sink.” 

Son of a bitch…

[metalbvcky]

DR STEVE + PATIENT BUCKY AU PROGRESS UPDATE

HELLO AND HAPPY FALL! It’s been a hot second since I made an update post (August, I think??). I had a small roadblock a while back and had to rewrite the beginning, I even had to scrap a couple scenes but it wasn’t a total loss since I’ll likely use those later on. I also arranged some things differently, so the start will be… interesting.

As some of you know I’m a ‘post as I go’ writer instead of writing it all and then posting; the wait absolutely kills me esp when it’s a year or two long project. I aim to post somewhere around late December or mid January. Later than I wanted, but hey, creativity can’t be rushed!

Time is nonexistent sometimes so I thought I’d go ahead and ask the age old question: would any of you like to be tagged when I post? Reply to this and I’ll add you to the list!

Also should I go ahead and change blog/account aesthetics since Aster is finished? lol I thought about waiting till I post but at this point I think I’m long overdue for a new look.

[live-laugh-lenney]

hello !! this is a little late (dw abt it) but i can't shake the thought out of my head abt arthur birthday ,,,, spoiling him bcs he's an old man now and he deserves it! i feel like he'd like the attention and pampering esp coming from a huge family it would be nice for an entire day just for him aka arthurtv birthday blurb where (i wrote arthurtv birthday smut but ,,, that will stay in the drafts)

-🍓

yn makes the whole day about him.

she decorates his living room with numbered balloons and 'birthday boy' and 'happy birthday' banners that she hid in george's flat the day before and she hangs streamers from his ceiling and, sure, she may have gone a tad overboard on decorating his flat for the day but the look on his face when he saw the effort she put in was something she wished she pictured.

she piles up her presents for him on the kitchen table alongside a huge buffet breakfast that she surprises him with - eggs in all forms because she couldn't decide the best one, lots of toast, sausages and plenty of bacon steaming on a plate, smashed avocado in a bowl with all of his salt and pepper and different seasonings and sauces next to it, with bowls of cubed fruit and a plate piled high with thick and fluffy pancakes sitting with a candle in the middle.

she books them and their closest friends into a fancy restaurant with bottomless drinks and delicious foods, letting him have his moment with his friends as they celebrate him spending another year around the sun. and he's so thankful and surprised to have a girlfriend who organises something so loving and incredible for him.

she organises a facetime call with his family and surprises him, on call with them, that she's brought him tickets to fly home and see them for a couple of weeks and that she's been in cahoots with his family whole time so that they knew of her plans and were able to help her out... having taken care of his youtube and work schedule and letting chris and those he films with that he would be absent for two weeks so he could have some personal time off.

they end the night in his flat, inviting george and arthur and chris over for a few drinks and takeaway because he felt so exhausted and just wanted a chilled out night with those he loved and felt closest to. the boys bringing him a cake and they sing 'happy birthday' to him as he blows out the candles.

"did you have a good day?"

he nods and brings her closer to his side, her cheek flush upon his naked chest and her palm flat upon his stomach, exhaling a slow and deep breath from deep within.

"the best day," he says softly and she looks up at him, "thank you for organising everything."

"i figured that the boys will take you out this weekend for a heavy one before you go off to jersey for two weeks so i thought that we could celebrate slowly today," she admits and presses a kiss to his cheek, "i'm glad you enjoyed it though."

"you did good," he claims and looks at her with darkened eyes, "but you know what would make it even better?"

"one step ahead of you," she grins widely and she hooks a leg over his waist and straddles his hips, hands on his shoulders as she braces her weight upon him and she can see the blush on his cheeks begin to form, "just sit back, let me do all the work tonight." xx

[generalpalacefishgoop]

You know the posts recently about bbh neg on twter, the timing of it with that going on, makes me want to hurl, they don't give a shit about "victims" or the real issues. They just want to dunk on the next cc they hate using the current "momentum".

You know what, I say let them go ahead and try to "cancel" Bad, really, go ahead. They're just regurgitating shit DSMP fans has said over the years again and again about Bad. Its fcking funny actually. Oh not forgetting they had to invent new ones or ones THAT THEIR FAVES HAVE DONE TOO BTW, to "cancel" Bad. To think I was looking forward to QSMP fans being "healthier" or "better" than DSMP ones, oh boy am I sorely disappointed.

Let them run their mouths about Bad. Cuz I'm 100% sure the CCs , QSMP admins, and Quackity give 0 shit about them. Etoiles knows and has already expressed how he knows that Bad is overly hated by the fandom and how he receives neg on the daily. Despite knowing that, he's still cordial with Bad. And he even expressed how he tries to not be "angry" or "frustrated" at Bad or else the parasocial fucks will come running to "defend" him from "evil" BBH when he has said a million times over that its not a fcking big deal, and hes just expressing himself NOT IN A NEG WAY. but noooo parasocial fucks be like "oh no my skunkrly wrunkly his feelings got hurt oh no" same shit with foolish fans. Fcking blind af. Esp the new ones who hasnt experienced the prank wars in dsmp. Fcking joyless fucks who cant handle a fcking block game that theyre not even playing. But thankfully, Etoiles stopped being so concerned, and well, yk with Foolish lmao same old same old.

(Disclaimer: SOME FANS NOT ALL, IM TALKING ABOUT THE TOXIC PARASOCIAL FUCKS, YES EVEN THE BIG ACCOUNTS ON TWITTER WITH THOUSANDS OF FOLLOWERS. You know who. Big numbers doesn't mean they're more RIGHT. A parasocial fuck is a parasocial fuck. Also, when I say parasocial, I mean the ones who are toxic and project themselves onto the CC. Being parasocial is fine, if it's the healthy kind, if you know what I mean)

I digress, there's no fcking unfollows or subtweets from CCs to Bad, unlike with D or F. In fact, some CCs and CLOSE FRIENDS of Bad's have always praised Bad and defended him TO THIS DAY. If that is not enough of an indication of how unproblematic he is, Idk what else to say. Just fuck off and live a life in constant misery and hatred ig. That's why don't respond to fucks like that. Just mute em. They can yap all they want but it means SHIT ALL if you don't see it. BBH's community is WAY WAY smaller than the whole fandom (and theres wayyy more toxic fucks) so bbhs community saying shit back to the toxic shits will also mean SHIT ALL. They CLEARLY don't watch Bad anyways so what's the point. Better way to deal with this shit is fight the misinformation, that's all. Spread more positivity and give ppl FULL context and CORRECT information. If you see some shit against Bad, report it and send it to whatever ban list qsmp uses. Send it to mods or something. Ik that Bagi's discord has something like that.

Oh but ppl be like /rp or /lh or "it's just my opinion", who gives a shit. Still report them. We're not dumb. The mods or whoever admins are not dumb. That negative toxic fuck smell on it, is fcking obvious enough.

STOP GIVING THEM ENGAGEMENTS. We can happily stay in each others bubbles without ever talking to each other, AND THAT IS FINE. Don't let the negative fucks in. Mute and report them, and I guarantee you, that fcking stranger on the Internet, you'll forget within DAYS. those fuckers won't even exist to you, vice versa.

THEIR WORDS HOLD NO POWER OVER YOU OR THE QSMP COMMUNITY. KEEP THE QSMP COMMUNITY HEALTY AND SAFE. Fuck them toxic shits.

[afictionalwhor3]

I just finished watching HOTD and I have sm thoughts rumbling inside my head and I’m going to try my best to get them out in a way that makes sense

HOTD 2.07 Spoilers Ahead

- The ending of this episode saved it sm omggg. And please I understand why these side characters need this story building. Esp Daemon, I think we as viewers have been robbed in a lot of ways of seeing Daemon as a multi dimensional emotional character. However, this is why shows need to go back to 24 episode seasons. When there’s only 10 episodes before we lose these characters for two years I wanna see more action and not so much story building.

- The scene with Jace, my bbg 😖🫣🫠. I loved that scene bc it shows that Jace is insecure. He realizes what people say abt him and in some ways he probably believes it as well. Bc even if he has “plain” features the thing that separated him from the small folk was his claim to a dragon. Now that the small folk can claim dragons it’s like he is one of them. And I understand those frustrations (if we had 24 episode seasons 🙄) I would’ve loved to see wherever he went and have like a private moment amongst himself or even with Baela

- Daemon, Daemon, Daemon 😭😭. I’m sorry but him tripping acid in Harenhal is so genuinely funny to me. In seriousness tho we stan Oscar Tully cuz we love seeing Daemon humbled. The way he was able to spin the situation and make Daemon the uncomfortable one? Yeah you ate down mama

- The scenes with Matt and Paddy are just so good their chemistry off the charts. And the fact it was Paddy’s suggestion to do the scene as decrepit Viserys makes it even better bc it’s Viserys telling Daemon here the crown is yours, you’ve always wanted it, but while I hand it to you, look what it did to me.

- As someone who has not read the books, I saw that in the books Rhaena was happy in the Vale and that makes me sick cause that girl deserves it. Pray she claims a dragon next episode.

- Can a book person confirm is Alyssa had a sister? Cause ik with the kings guard from last episode (sorry I’m bad with names) they like made up Aerianna? So I wanna know if Hugh’s mom actually existed. Also hate hm character development/screen time he’s gotten as opposed to other side characters makes me sick.

- All those small folk in Dragonstone had me like, idk sista, but Rhaenyra seriously gained infinite aura points being able to calm Verthimor down.

- Vermithor knew damn well he ain’t have to burn all them people like that. Which leads me into my point that I love that these dragons have personalities. Like Syrax is literally just a girl, Vermithor is hot headed, Vhagar is an old lady, I just love that aspect of the show and someone give us a dragon personality fic

- Ulf stumbling onto a dragon like that I thought for sure he was dead. And also another clutch of dragon eggs???? Do they not know abt silverwing? Sm questions but when he went to kings landing I thought for a moment he was going to claim House Hightower. And when Aemond got to a haggard she was like “not again cmon”

- PERIOD THE DRAGON AT THE END WITH HER CREW BEHIND HERRRR!!! FUCK AEMOND WE DONT NEED HIMMMM!!! Such a boss power move like that was epic

- My favorite part abt next weeks preview was seeing Aemond tell Haelena she would have to ride Dreamfyre. Like she’s not meant yo be a warrior princess she’s meant to run in a field of flowers

But those are my thoughts if you somehow read this whole thing awesome and let’s talk in the comments I love talking abt these things it makes my day!!!!

[waltwhitmansbeard]

Perc'ahlia Week: Free/Random

we did it folks! thanks to everyone who participated in @percahliaweek, esp the good folks who organized this whole thing! it's been so much fun to explore these prompts! here's hoping i stick the landing.

Percival de Rolo III wakes up on his last day knowing that he will not see another dawn. It hardly scares him; if anything, his aching joints have been screaming for rest for ages now, each one creaking and stiff like an unwound clock. He doesn't know where the certainty comes from, only that it doesn't feel macabre or fatalistic. He is going to die today. Better get a move on.

He doesn't begrudge Vex'ahlia's stubborn insistence that he's fine. He doesn't begrudge Vex'ahlia's stubborn anything. He lets her perform her morning ritual as usual, lies still as she grips one of his hands in both of hers and pours into him every ounce of magic she has for the day. The healing doesn't work, because he is not injured, merely human. Still, he smiles and thanks her, and they both pretend that it made things better.

Over breakfast in bed (all of his breakfasts are in bed these days, as are all of his other meals, and in fact the vast majority of his time), he quietly asks her to gather their family. She freezes, her forkful of eggs halfway up to her mouth. His vision is not what it used to be, but she is so beautiful, the golden rays of Pelor's dawn sparkling in her hair, now more silver than brown. She has always glittered, something beautiful and wild, a dragon who made a hoard of his heart.

She sets her fork down. She does not look at him. She asks if he's sure. He says that he is. She believes him, because after seven decades, she knows he is not a liar. It is a feat, the way she schools her expression into something that doesn't shatter his heart in two. She smiles and kisses his cheek. "Of course, darling."

They come, because for the past year or so, they have been preparing themselves for this very thing. Keyleth is called first, and she takes it upon herself to gather the most far-flung. Percy misses most of their arrivals; his energy wanes quickly after breakfast, and he passes in and out of sleep until a pair of lips on his cheek stir him back to consciousness. "Hi, Grandpa."

Vesper's eldest, Whitney, helps him into a sitting position. He feels each and every one of his bones as he moves. Beside her, her husband, an elven man Percy remembers not trusting for years, holds their infant son. Whitney's eyes are red and swollen. "Mimi says you...wanted everyone here."

Percy lets out a coughing laugh; gods above, they're great-grandparents now, and Vex still hates being called grandma. "I don't think I have many goodbyes left in me, dear. Better to get them all out while I can."

She sniffs. "Can't...can't Aunt Kiki do something?"

Slowly, he reaches over to pat her hand where it rests on the bedspread. "Keyleth has done more for me than any man deserves, as has your grandmother, as has Pike. I have seen my share of sunsets and sunrises, Whitney. Time for...better eyes than mine to take a look."

Just then, the door to the master suite opens, and more de Rolos come spilling in like light through an open window. Wolfe is first, one arm around Gwen, clearly keeping her upright; Danny follows, his aunt Cassandra hobbling beside him, leaning heavily on his arm. Danny's followed by his son, Shaun, and Shaun's very pregnant partner, whose name Percy can't remember. It's disorienting, but not the first time Percy's memory has failed him. Once he had the sharpest mind in Whitestone, keen enough to make the inventions that set his home years ahead of the rest of the continent, technologically speaking, but most days now, his mind feels like a sieve, permeable, untrustworthy.

Still, he smiles as the rest of his family spills in, children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, twenty in all, not including Cass, who is given the chair right by his bedside. So many de Rolos, in a castle once entirely empty of them. Percy sees so much of the family he lost in their faces—his mother's eyes, his father's nose, Ludwig's jaw, Whitney's hair—and not for the first time, he knows what it means to be immortal in the most human way.

As they say their goodbyes, as they sniff away tears, as they promise him to do right by their family name, he knows that the legacy he has been chasing his entire life, one not stained with blood and black with smoke, has been a fool's errand. His family is not his legacy. They are people, just as he is, no more, no less. They will be great and they will be terrible and they will make mistakes and they will make the world a better place because the gods know that Percy has been far from a perfect man, but he believes he has done what he can to sow in their hearts the seeds of kindness, charity, empathy. He cannot claim them as his legacy because they are still building legacies of their own, ones that will reach far beyond his time in this realm.

He lets them kiss his cheek. He whispers his love, over and over, endless and true. He smiles and looks into each of their faces, hoping the sieve lasts long enough to carry him into whatever comes next.

.

He doesn't remember falling asleep, but when he awakes, the only de Rolo who remains is Cass. He can't see the white stripe in her hair anymore, because it is all white now. Her eyes are a soft blue, belying her almost complete lack of vision. Percy squeezes her hand. "You still with me, Cass?"

"You're asking me?" They both grin. "I've been trying to get rid of you for years. It's about time you got out of here."

"Yes, well, you remember how Mother used to scold me for being so slow to rise in the mornings."

"That's because you'd stay up until all hours reading."

"Which is why I'm so much smarter than you."

She rolls her eyes, and the air shifts, cools into something more melancholy. "Are you so sure it's now? You seem in such high spirits for a man convinced he's going to die today."

Percy doesn't know how to explain to her the knowing, the certainty in his bones that he could count the number of words he has left. He thinks of a night when they were young, far younger than they are now, when Cass would crawl into his bed during a thunderstorm, shaking and afraid. He tries to explain it the same way he explained to that little girl that the thunder wasn't going to hurt her. "The gods have seen my hubris, my cruelty, my ego throughout the years...and they have loved me anyway. How else do you explain this?" He gestures weakly with his free hand, and he knows that she knows he's not referring to the castle and its riches. "I awoke this morning with my wife beside me in the home that we built, and I felt their calling in my chest. I am not long for this world, Cassandra." Tears slip quickly and silently down her nose. "I'm not afraid. Whatever is coming for me, good, bad, or ugly, it was worth what I experienced here, with my family. With you. I should have died with the rest of our siblings, with Mother and Father, that terrible night. I didn't. Everything after has been...a gift."

"A gift for me." She brings his hand up to her mouth, kisses his papery skin with her thin lips. "Your children and grandchildren, they've been a gift to me, too. Thank you for giving me my family back, Percival."

He smiles, and new fatigue washes over him. His eyes blink slow and long, and she pats his hand. "Rest now, brother. You still have work to do."

He wants to argue, but the sleep rushes over him, dark and warm, like smoke.

.

When Percival de Rolo III awakens for the last time, he is very much not alone. Perched on his left side is Keyleth, timeless and ethereal. The circlet and mantle of her station are gone, and for a moment, they're kids again, the entire world at their feet. Her eyes are glassy, and he has to be impressed that she hasn't started crying yet.

Standing on the foot of the bed, each holding onto a poster, are Pike and Scanlan. Like Keyleth's, neither's face belies much of the past seventy-odd years, but he can't find it in himself to be jealous of all the life they have yet to live. He thinks himself lucky to have had this, such a perfect little slice of the world, fit exactly to size for him.

Between the two of them, already a blubbering mess, is Taryon, the only person in the room who looks the way Percy feels. His liver spots match Percy's, which must drive Tary crazy. He wonders if this is harder or easier for him, given that Tary has already been grieving Lawrence these past six years or so. He hopes that Tary can be of use to Vex, though if he had to guess, he'd think Keyleth is better suited to the task.

Because she is also here, his heart, his Vex'ahlia. She sits at his right hand, where Cass had been earlier, and gently runs her fingers over the inside of his wrist. She has never been anything less the most beautiful creature he's ever seen, and not for the first time, though perhaps for the last, he thanks the gods for allowing her to be his. Well over half a century together, and he knows by the tremulous bob of her throat and the eyes that will not meet his that she is using every ounce of her formidable strength to keep herself in one piece.

"Hey, Percy." He looks back to Scanlan, whose shit-eating grin has not changed a bit in all these years. "If you finally wanted that six-way, you didn't have to say you were dying to get us here. You could have just asked."

Pike punches his shoulder, but Percy laughs. "You'd never...keep up with me...Scanlan."

"Yeah, I bet that's true." He reaches down to pat Percy's foot beneath the blankets. "You always were a better man than me."

"The bar is in hell," Pike grumbles under her breath, and Percy coughs out another laugh. They must be off-again, he guesses. Well, it was nice of them to come, regardless.

"Tary." The man in question cries twice as hard when Percy says his name. "Have I ever told you...how proud I am...of you?"

Tary brings a shaking hand up to wipe at his eyes, and Pike pats his arm reassuringly. "That's what I care about. If a guy like you could see the good in a guy like me...well, I knew I was gonna be okay."

And Tary is more than okay, Percy knows. He's done more good in the world than any of them would have thought possible the day they met him, arrogant and annoying and so very naïve. Percy is proud of him, proud of the work they've done together and apart. Someday, not too long from now, these same people will gather around Tary, usher him as gently from this world as they do for Percy now, and Percy can only hope that they sing his praises as loudly as he deserves.

Pike hops up onto the bed, her socked feet padding over so she can kneel by his elbow in front of Keyleth. She grips her holy symbol, now worn and smoothed, in one hand and rests the other over Percy's heart. "Everlight, please carry my friend into the next life with the same light and compassion he has shown me in our time together." Her voice is strong, but Percy can hear the tremble in it. "As faithful as I have been to you in my life, he has been twice as faithful to me, to his friends, to his family, to the people of Whitestone. And I think you and I both know that faith does not come quite so easily to some as it does to others." She opens one eye to grin at him, and he winks back. She closes the eye again to finish her prayer. "Let his soul rest among his ancestors, and may your benevolent light never stray from those he leaves behind."

There is a long beat of silence, and though his eyes are not what they used to be, Percy swears the mid-afternoon light streaming in from the wrought-iron windows flares just a bit brighter. Pike releases her holy symbol, leans down, and kisses his cheek. "Y'know," she whispers, just loud enough for him to hear, "for someone doomed by the narrative, you did alright for yourself, Percy."

"I couldn't...have done it without you."

The first of Pike's tears falls, and she slips back to the foot of the bed wiping at her eyes. Percy lets his head tip to the side, and Keyleth's face is as red as her hair, her own tears falling fast and loose down cheeks that don't look a day over thirty. "Hey."

"Hey." She sniffs, taking his hand in both of hers. "I know...I have a lot of goodbyes coming my way. Goodbyes I don't even know about because the hellos haven't happened yet. But you...fuck." She scrubs at her eyes with the back of her wrist. "I don't know what my life looks like without you, Percy. I don't wanna find out."

Oh, he truly does not envy her yawning years. He knows no one who deserves to have her heart broken less than Keyleth does, and yet he knows that so much heartbreak awaits her in the millennium to come. He squeezes her hand, and he prays to the Dawnfather that all of that heartbreak does not quiet her, does not harden her heart from the joys this world has to offer. Keyleth was made for sunlight, for spring flowers, for flight. The shadows will come, but they must not dull her shine.

"Keyleth, Voice of the Tempest." He attempts to gather as much authority into his weak voice as he can muster. "I charge you with not just the welfare of Zephrah, but with that of Whitestone, and of Tal'dorei as a whole. There is no one I trust more to act as steward of these people. Your wisdom, your generosity, your empathy...more than ever, you are needed to bestow your gifts upon Exandria. You know..." He smirks up at her. "We've met gods, Keyleth. And this may not be the best time to blaspheme, but they've got nothing on you."

She throws herself onto him, and it hurts, but he takes it. One last hug from his best friend, from the sister he gained after so much loss. Her tears soak into his neck, and for the first time today, his own prickle behind his eyes. He regrets all of the things he will miss, the wonderful accomplishments of his friends, his progeny, his neighbors. It is such a mortal thing, to know that the world will keep spinning in your absence, and to love and hate the spin for it. But someday, even the ageless Voice of the Tempest will rest, and if the gods know any mercy, he will see her again.

Before she pulls away, a shaking, sniffling mess, she whispers in his ear, "Tell him I still love him?"

He nods. He already knows, but Percy will tell him anyways.

As if on cue, there is a small commotion near the one open window on the far side of the chamber, and everyone turns to see a raven, too large to be natural, resting on the sill, as if it has always been there. There is a cracked sob from Percy's right, and he turns his head to see his wife covering her mouth with her hand.

Just enough time left, then.

"Come here." A small tug to her hand, and she's coming up to sit beside him, hip to hip. She brushes his thin, limp hair from his face, and he struggles to bring her hand, wrinkled and beautiful, to his lips. "What a life, eh?"

Her answering smile is watery. "The best one I could have imagined. It's the best gift you've given me."

"Well, I gave you quite a lot."

"It's my love language, darling, and you were always so fluent."

He laughs at that, and it dissolves into a cough. The raven flutters its wings in his periphery. "Let them take care of you?" His eyes cast over their friends before returning to her crumpled face. "We didn't create this wonderful life together for you to be alone when I'm gone. There are so many people who love you, Vex'ahlia de Rolo, and while I will always be the first among them, in this world or the next, I am not worried for you."

Her hair, unbraided and streaked with silver, spills onto his chest as she leans over him. "I'm not worried for you, either. I know that wherever you're going, I'll find you. I'll always find you. It's kind of my thing, after all." She sniffs loudly. "So take my heart with you, alright? I'll want it back when I get there."

"My extraordinary, incomparable wife. My heart, my judgement. My treasure, my salvation."

Crying, she kisses him, and it feels just like it did that first time, in a snow-capped wood, when they were kids and death was just another monster they could slay. He tastes the salt of her tears and the warmth of her skin and he knows every agony, every loss, every sorrow was always and will always be worth her. For the briefest moment, his heart pinches, a desperate wish to stay, but when his final kiss with his wife ends, he's smiling, because how many men can go to their deathbeds with no regrets?

He looks to his friends once more, each one a gift, a story, a legacy, and with a fading voice, says, "Vox Machina. What an honor it's been to change the world with you." His eyelids feel so heavy; he's already slept so much today. To his wife, he murmurs, "Dear, do you mind if I rest for a moment?"

"Of course, darling." She bends down to kiss his cheek. "Rest now. I'll be here."

The last things he sees are Vex's shining eyes, and across the room, a raven taking flight.

.

When Percy opens his eyes, he sees them, his friends, their heads bowed and shoulders trembling. They are circled around his deathbed, and Percy watches them mourn. It's far and away the strangest scene he's ever beheld.

"Percival Frederickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III."

He turns, a smile already coming to his face. Oh, the ease with which he moves! He looks down at his hands—smooth and dexterous, hands he hasn't seen in years. "Would you look at that."

The black-feathered figure in the corner of the room is masked, so Percy can't see his face, but Percy doesn't need to see the smirk to feel it. "A handsome bastard once again, I see."

"Screw you, I was always handsome."

"No arguments here." The Champion of Ravens strides closer, and Percy can't help but feel a bit intimidated. "Welcome home, brother."

And they are embracing, reunited after so many decades of grief. "Thank you," Vax murmurs, in his strange, not-quite-Vax voice. "Thank you for taking care of them."

"It was my privilege." They separate, and the two dead men look at the ones they've left behind. "We still felt your loss. Every day, we navigated the hole your absence created. Them in particular." He gestures to Vex and Keyleth, who hold hands over his body's torso as they weep. "I just hope I did enough to help them find the way."

"You did. And now it's my turn." Vax sweeps a hand back, and the door to the chamber opens, but instead of the marbled hall he's used to, Percy sees only a brilliant, blinding white light.

Percy frowns. "Is Grog in there? To be honest, I thought he'd be the first to greet me. You know how bored he gets without someone to entertain him."

"I'm afraid I don't know. I only walk to dead to their doors. I don't get to see what's inside."

For the first time today, Percy's heart well and truly breaks. "Well, just know that as long as they live—" He jerks his head toward the remaining members of Vox Machina. "—your sacrifice will not be forgotten."

"I live as long as they live."

Percy chuckles. "First the mask, now the quotes—you want to be me so bad."

"Get in the light before I throw your ass in there, Freddie."

Grinning, Percy claps him on the shoulder as he passes by, letting is strong legs and youthful knees take him toward the door. Just a step away from the frame, he stops, bathed in the warm, mysterious light. He looks back one last time at his family, wonderful and perfect and his, and murmurs, "What a nice story, indeed." And then he steps into the light.

[veryferaldistributions]

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Review

I. Love. Beetlejuice. It is, no joke, possibly my favorite movie of all time. Definitely my favorite Burton film, although I am a decent fan of his (was more so when I was younger.) I’ve admittedly not seen all of the cartoon (I enjoy it fine enough), but I did see the musical earlier this year (I loved it!) And this is all coming from someone who was too scared to watch this movie until the age of 12 or so, but once I did, I was obsessed!

I’ve been joking since the first reveal teasers that the release of the Beetlejuice sequel was the only thing keeping me going, but it kind of was! When tickets first became available, I SNATCHED mine up. I was not going to miss this for the world, and I was insanely happy it wasn’t a midnight showing, but during the evening of the 5th. (I also chose to keep myself 100% spoiler free!)

I even got the special popcorn tin because ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY!

At the same time, I was trying really, REALLY hard to tamper my expectations. If I get my hopes up too high, I always inevitably get disappointed. And for the most part, I was NOT disappointed!

This is a solid sequel. Admittedly not an “Aliens” level sequel, not better than the first, but it’s a good continuation nonetheless. I wanted to go into details and name a few things I liked and disliked, because I had a few nitpicks. As I knew I would. Overall, as a hardcore fan, I left very happy.

(BIG SPOILERS AHEAD! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!)

Let’s start with the good!

Likes:

1. Burton went all out on the special effects. Everything looks really good and, for the most part, done with practical effects! My favorite!

2. Everyone is in full-form here. Ryder, Ortega, O’Hara, Defoe, and especially Keaton. They all had so much fun making this, and you can tell. The actors that weren’t present in the first film fit right in, esp Ortega.

3. There’s so much backstory presented on these characters. I sort of love and dislike this? Beetlejuice is somewhat better, in my opinion, the less we know about him? He’s such an enigma. It felt weird seeing what he was like when he was alive. Was he still actually named Betelgeuse? But I did appreciate the confirmation that Lydia’s mom is still alive, different from the musical.

4. Lydia doesn’t actually marry BJ. Thank god! I’m okay with their cartoon counterparts being friends, but the real thing is incredibly creepy. Especially given how traumatized Lydia seems in this movie. They even mention the “600 year” age gap. (But I did admittedly like them being forced to work together.)

5. The Netherworld, or whatever the films call it, looks AWESOME! By far my favorite thing about this movie was the creative corpses! The citizens of the Netherworld look downright gruesome! All the deaths are super creative! I would give my left arm for a Making-Of book of this movie.

Dislikes:

1. With the exception of Astrid’s beau, the love interests are pretty uninteresting. Delores has an excellent design, neat backstory, but is admittedly not fleshed out enough (pun not intended), and she barely has five lines. Rory is sort of okay, but instead of Lydia just standing up for herself and saying she didn’t want to get married, he ends up being a weak “twist” bad-guy? Boo!

2. The ending is admittedly very odd. The last movie ended so upbeat and happy and cheerful. This one ends like an interrupted night terror. I sort of left the movie going “wait, really? Roll credits? Poor Lydia!”

3. I was hoping for more reconciliation with Lydia and Deliah. Maybe taking Charles’ death seriously would have made the film more depressing, but I wanted them to have more of a Mother/Daughter bond at this point. (Maybe that’s just me. I want better step-mother representation.) It wasn’t nonexistent, I just wanted more.

4. The explanation of the Maitlands absence could have been a LOT better. Given that they were, y’know, the main characters of the first movie? It made sense that Davis and Baldwin didn’t come back, that’s not my complaint, but they could have given the audience more information about said “loophole.” At least a picture of them! (Could the actors have signed off letting them use old pictures?)

5. Finally, my personal gripe, THEY USED MACARTHUR PARK! I utterly loathe this song!

General Comments:

1. I saw some plot points coming a mile away. One did catch me off guard, though.

2. Soul Train. What a weird reference to do. 😆

3. There is SO much death in this movie. I mean, duh, but like lots of people get killed off. Though, it is sort of funny to see Deliah in a “Karen in Hell” type situation. 😆

4. Charles’ death is really creative. It allows the character to still be in the movie without [redacted] getting rehired.

5. The Shrinkhead guys are delightful. And that creepy baby gave me Dead Alive flashbacks. Very cartoonish. (I also never realized how much Beetlejuice gives me The Mask vibes.)

Overall, I completely agree with the grand majority here. It’s a solid movie, a solid sequel, and you absolutely SHOULD see it if you’re a fan, but it acts as more of a dessert to the original’s full meal. (And it USES that PG-13 rating. It’s gruesome in parts!)

[freddie-77-ao3]

Gonna use the ask box for this 🙃 ask 1/? (I have so many questions, though you have answered so many already)

What are your thoughts on Trials of Apollo, and the characters?

go ahead and keep asking!!! i love your questions!!

ANYWAY

gonna start smaller with characters:

lavinia: the jewish thing wasn't handled completely correctly (just a couple of small things there) but overall 10/10 character. i think she's hilarious and her official artwork ROCKS.

meg: i love her. she seems a little immature for twelve years old TO ME but i also had a... rather abnormal upbringing so that might explain the differences. overall she was a great character and i LOVE the demeter rep (my thoughts on how riordan treated demeter take five pages to clarify so-- basically) love seeing it-- demeter was a kronide and her kids should be treated as such! great character development. peaches was also hilarious (as was crotch-kicker mccaffrey)

lester: calling him lester to separate between godly apollo and post toa apollo. again, fantastic character development. he's so fucking funny. like he does some really dumb stuff at the start of the series (swearing to not use a musical instrument and stuff?? LESTER MAN CMON) his and meg's relationship is so sweet-- and kayla and austin with him? chefs kiss. love apollo kids getting some time with their dad.

jason: absolutely got fridged. i've already touched on my suicide theory so i won't go into that here but basically i think we shoulda seen jason similar to percy (very minor, doing his own thing behind the scenes) but alas.

piper: the shel thing was a bit sudden. don't get me wrong, i'm ALL for queer rep (i think there should be more of it in the books actually) but-- going straight from breaking up with jason to jason sacrificing himself for her to a relationship seems really unhealthy. i think she should have a chance to grow outside of a relationship.

reyna: joining the hunt was a bad end for her. since when was that an ambition of hers? she seemed genuinely happy in new rome and called it her home multiple times in HoO and going from that to the hunt? idk seems like rick doesn't know how to write characters NOT be in a relationship (piper, reyna, leo... they all get squared away)

leo: oh leo baby he didn't get to see jason before he died??? so heartbreaking. didn't belong in a relationship with calypso. the punching thing was weird when he came back to camp-- esp with a character who has a history of physical abuse

frank: i love the frank deciding his own fate thing but also idk seems like a cop out.

hazel: shouldn't have just become praetor i mean cmon. i love her but she's what, 14 now? no way.

Nico: FINALLY ONE OF THE CHARACTERS CANONICALLY GETS THERAPY. the doctors note is--

will: solangelo flirting is hilarious 10/10. "do you want to be my buddy?" "significant annoyance" i can't breathe. also poor will for putting up with apollo in the hidden oracle because i could not help my dad learn how to use the toilet i'm sorry but that shit is crazy.

malcolm: why is malcolm going to battle without pants on so funny to me i just-- 10/10 i love him.

connor: such a dumbass. the hair grafts 😭. i feel bad that travis isn't there and then communication lines go down like oh buddy :(

cecil: see me RUNNING with the knowledge cecil can cook

other small stuff:

love the waystation, always been my personal hc that there's more than just that one but that's for another post.

percabeth finally making it to college!!!

speaking of which AT WHAT TIME DID TRAVIS AND CLARISSE FILL OUT COLLEGE APPS THEY WERE AT WAR???? WHAT DO THEIR OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPTS LOOK LIKE???

the jackson-blofis family warms my heart <3

thoughts on the series as a whole?

i love it. definitely top three riordan series (tied with pjo and mcga)

i like that (like mcga) toa was more mature? like we finally see demigods with ptsd, we get queer characters, just... everything

[hals-homo-blog]

Ponycard Art Dump

I don't remember *when* exactly I did these. I think like, in the fall of 2023? Maybe? Memory Loss? Help?

I HAD SOOOO MUCH FUN DESIGNING PONYCARD. Is he a changeling? Is he an Alicorn God? Who knows, that's the thing about LuLu, he loves to keep people guessing. I gave him kind of a medium build for the usual Alucard form, then I think Vladcard should be a proper Clydesdale, retaining the bat wings and pointy horn. Would pre-vampirism Vlad be an Earth Pony or something?? I dunno, I feel like one of the more knowledgeable Alucard-loving blogs like @/michi-tala would be better able to answer that kind of thing, but for now, this is all I know lol. Allycard gives me Unicorn vibes, esp with the predominantly white color palette, but I haven't read/watched her stories, so again, I don't *really* know. My expertise is in the base Hellsing Ultimate/Gonzo lore XD

I didn't finish the first one bc it looks so good and I was scare of fucking it up. A good artists knows to quit when they're ahead. /nsrs

I'm gonna put all the self-ship stuff under the cut Because I Am Still Shy About This One 😭

I know I have not shared any Halcyon lore on here, so I'll do like, a brief recap. She was a 'Hal' originally (and she was a dude at that time) then she just sort of?? Took on her own character?? As this sort of tsundere kind of Vitorian Era vampiress. She was a peasant to begin with in a no-name village. The village was torn apart by ghouls and Alucard essentially found her dying after fighting for her home, do you want to be a vampire, sexy bite, you get the idear. Then they've basically been married for 250~ years after that.

I made her too fucking small in the last one and it's Pissing me Off that I got the scaling wrong but I got the anatomy and the expressions so Spot On I couldn't redraw it *bites my arm off bites my arm off bites my arm off bites my arm off.*

Halcyon is smaller than Alucard, I mean, he's an Alicorn and she's an Earth Pony for crying out loud, but still, that's too damn small.

I love the way LuLu looks in these ngl. I need to get back to drawing Hellsing ponies, Ponycard was *really* fun to draw.

[toytle]

Anon who was trying to get into superman, back again! I took your suggestion and watched the 1978 movie, it was so fun! “Nonhuman character whose best quality is how human they are” is such a good trope 😊 (Foo fighters flashbacks haha) I do wish Clark before he goes to metropolis was a little more like his Clark Kent act, made me a little sad to remember it was just a bit 😔 I think it would be nice if his “real self” was sort of in the middle of his two lives.

I also read Gene Luen Yang’s Superman Smashes the Klan graphic novel and enjoyed it a lot. Do you have any thoughts on My Adventures with Superman? It looks very cute though I haven’t had the chance to see it yet.

Oh also, wanted to share this with you, the only thing I could picture after the 1978 movie. https://imgur.com/a/7P6tjIO

[response to this ask]

i’m so glad you liked it!! non-human characters defined by their humanity is one of my fav tropes, i knew i liked ff for a reason (said the fake jojo fan who never finished part 6 😓)

i agree, it would’ve been nice to see clark’s personal life feel more connected, but they paced it out rly well for a movie, esp an origin story! i think he exaggerates his clark kent persona fs, but i don’t think it was totally a bit either, esp w the 2nd movie—tho the sequel was also much more ridiculous, so i think everything got amped up in general. personally, i loved younger clark! to think of this gentle giant as having a bit of an arrogant personality, well… we all had our awkward teen years, right? i don’t think they’re mutually exclusive, but it is an interesting comparison

as for MAwS, i only got as far as ep6, but i don’t think it’s my thing. someone who’s further ahead can correct me, but it’s pretty much what you’d expect on the tin: superman for a she-ra or voltron audience (cartoonified anime style, interpersonal melodrama, fanfic scenarios, etc). def not a bad thing, but it just didn’t hit any of my personal interests when it comes to superman, and also anime boy-fied slade wilson was so fucking strange that i’m still reeling. i think i only ended up caring abt jimmy last i watched; lois frustrated me and clark felt empty, which are not rly opinions i’ve had for either of them before

that’s not to say that i didn’t have any fun! but i don’t think the fun moments were enough to motivate me to finish. i do hope ppl are enjoying it tho, i hope it’s a fun intro for new fans or a refreshing take for longtime ones (it has a lot of deep-cut references apparently!). maybe i should finish it some time before i rly make up my mind on anyone

and ty SO much for this image btw. so so real

in exchange, have some live reactions from my most recent donner superman rewatch:

(proof that fanfic scenarios are not inherently bad)

[redo-of-chii]

ʚ♡ɞ 𝓜𝔂 𝓔𝔁𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓢𝓟 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓯𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 & 𝓝𝓪𝓻𝓬𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓬 𝓣𝓻𝓪𝓾𝓶𝓪 𝓑𝓸𝓷𝓭 ʚ♡ɞ

I think we can all agree that the sad reality of how many of us get into the law, it’s because of trying to manifest SP. 

I was no different. That’s why I really want to share my experience on how manifesting an ex changed my life perspective and ACTUALLY brought me my dream SP and learn about healthier relationships altogether. 

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

(TW: Narcissistic abuse, mentions of fatphobia and ableism, mentions of mental illness that might be triggering, mentions of bullying.)

Very long post ahead, but after 3 reviews I think many points of this story were important. I didn't want to cut anything that could be valuable from my experience to other people dealing with similar situations.

Before I knew about the law, I was pretty much an insecure person and I admit that I put any kind gesture on a pedestal since I come from a household full of generational trauma. 

Because of that, I ended up in several relationships where I was involved in trauma bonds with narcissists since one of my parents besides having mental illness, was also a narcissistic person who was very superficial and you had to fight a lot for their love, attention and recognition. No matter what I did, it was never enough. If I rebelled, I got condemned for it and if I did just as told, it wasn’t ever enough anyway. In the end, I always ended up getting into relationships with people where I had to be the one fixing them or helping them then getting condemned if I didn’t follow whatever script they had in their head for me.

Discovering what codependency was and what a trauma bond was. It was a really painful experience at first and I blamed myself a lot for it. Especially because I thought that it was my fault that I got into something like that in the first place because I was starving for the love and attention of someone. I thought at first “maybe I deserve the love bombing in the first place”, but my mindset changed over time with both therapy and the law.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

I was in a LDR relationship for almost 4 years with the SP that triggered all of this, let’s call him Ex!SP. He was someone really insecure, an only child and had gone through something really traumatic that left him really depressed. When we started the relationship, I really helped him and supported him. I decided to try to help him as much as I could to help him through it until I fell ill and that triggered underlying health issues I didn’t know that I had.

From there, things went downhill and he showed his true colors the moment I couldn’t provide what he wanted out of me. He wanted someone to be his enabler and caretaker, he didn’t sign up to be THE ONE DOING THE CARING. It was always asking if there was a way to cure me and me being the person I was before. At first, it looked like concern but then comments about my health and weight were frequent since I gained weight due to not being able to move properly from the illnesses. As soon as things were clear and my issues were confirmed to be chronic, that’s where the verbal treatment was worse but love bombed me whenever I pulled back to get his attention and “physical relief” out of me, so to say. He then escalated to breakup threats so I would do whatever he wanted me to do until one day I was just so tired and I told him “Okay, sure. Let’s breakup.”

From there it was indifference, then celebrating his freedom, then panic contacting me and when I refused to bend to his demands, he would go into bouts of ignoring me then aggressively spam me. He also started manipulating our common friendships to make me feel isolated. But that was fine.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

I got into therapy and discovered the law. One of the common things about trauma bonding is how guilty you feel for standing up for yourself and I really panicked at first, especially because people were after me asking me why did I drop such a long relationship and that I should be the one supporting him emotionally since he’s the one with a lot of trauma.

I was baffled at first but one thing I learned both from therapy and the law, is about victim mentality and what truly a narcissist was. That’s where I discovered he was a covert narcissist and that he made a narrative around his trauma so people would feel sorry for him and give him anything he wanted. Even his own family became enablers of this and whenever he didn’t get whatever he wanted, he would weaponize his trauma. He tried to make me look like the bad guy even though I found out later things like micro-cheating, plots with other people to bully me, provoking reactions out of me on purpose to act like the victim, etc...

Still, because of the “hot & cold” pressure and the memories, I really thought I could manifest him back and change him into a better person. And sure, I could have done that because the law can do ANYTHING. But I really didn’t want that deep inside, it didn’t manifest because this really was not love. It was a trauma bond. It was mostly an addiction because I got too used to him due to being with him for such a long time.

It took me a long time to realize this. I manifested many impossible things and reached so many goals, it was like I was spoiled by some invisible force but this one thing really couldn’t be manifested. Sure, there were some times that Ex!SP showed the way I wanted him to show but as soon as that happened, he returned to his usual self. Then I realized that it was because I didn’t want him back and I sure didn’t want to deal with his family and these friends ever again. 

I manifest so many good things, even my dream job. Why would I even want that back? 

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

I was just addicted to cortisol and trauma bonds. And not only I was trauma bonded to him, I was trauma bonded to the whole group of friends that were a gigantic red flag and an echo chamber altogether. So I worked a lot on myself and as soon as I put myself on the pedestal, things changed.

I lost 40 lbs, focused on myself and even with chronic illness, all of the blessings came to me. He even made that friend group go after me, probably out of jealousy since he really let himself waste down while I was thriving and that gave me the determination I needed to continue forward.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

Months later, I met two guys at a party. Let’s call them SP1 and SP2. The two of them really caught my attention, especially SP2. But SP2 did a bunch of jokes about his fave type of girl and that threw me off in the sense of “why bother going after someone if I’m not even their type” kind of thing. Later on he was even interested in one of my friends but I’ll talk later about it since that is another wild story.

SP1 asked me out and I agreed to give it a try since he seemed like a nice guy. He looked like a very kind and hardworking guy at first, but boy… I was so wrong.

SP1 really showered me with gifts and affection, but his words never matched his actions. He was never there for me and in the end, SP2 was the one that was always with me. Bit by bit, SP1 really became a reflection of the things I disliked at both myself and Ex!SP. He was really nervous, insecure, dependent, trying to get my attention and affection at whatever cost like my former self but he was a compulsive liar, irresponsible, tried to put his issues over mine and even tried to sabotage anything that would make stand out more than him yet he love bombed me with words and gifts.

Meanwhile, SP2 was going through something similar with a “friend”. This friend of mine was already in a relationship with someone but toyed with him because this friend is the type of person who dates someone because of status and if she sees someone “better”, she will go after them. She was (and still is) in a relationship with someone that has a good job, comes from a good family and spoils her. But she claimed he was really boring and that SP2 was more exciting and fun. So she began this game of having her dose of attention and excitement out of SP2 without committing to him because she really didn’t want to leave her current relationship because “the guy was too good to leave in stability terms compared to SP2 even though she adored SP2 and was ideal” just because SP2 is a humble person and didn’t fit her social standards.

I didn’t know what to feel and think between my friend and SP1’s actions. Still, I wanted to be there for SP2 as much as I could even if I had lingering feelings for him. I just didn’t want to get myself involved in any more drama or even look like I was being some sort of jealous friend. So I focused on manifesting my career and the focus on me when it came to my career, I was just so done with love drama that I decided that I would break with SP1 and just limit my interactions with SP2 because even if I had feelings and could manifest something about it, I was just so tired of emotional stuff and having my heart being “tucked and pulled” that I was just DONE. 

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Still, something happened. I decided to use subliminals again because I got into a mental break point where I said “I don’t even need love, I need power and probably that power will feed the attention I need and not go after dumb ass men who cannot even be consistent”. So I used a certain subliminal and that changed things for me.

I’ll go into detail about it in another post, but it was actually my first reality shifting experience and it was actually an accident triggered by a subliminal. But for almost 2 months, I shifted to a reality where things worked in another way and I was SP2’s beloved partner and I was treated with love, respect and full-on healthy attention. Through my travels to this reality, I realized what I really wanted in a relationship and I was going to get it.

I wanted to permashift to that reality very badly and I was so sure about it, that whatever SP1 and SP2 did in this reality just didn’t affect me anymore. In fact, I think it was the law, but SP1 started disappearing more and more, lying to me more and just behaving like a manchild that for some reason I always ended up with SP2 alone in places or talking for long hours. While the chemistry was there, I was just so in love with the SP2 in the other reality, that I wasn’t accepting any breadcrumbs. I already had experiences with breadcrumbs that were so painful that I kept saying “Lovely thing I experienced with you SP2, but not enough for me to stay especially if the microcheating friend is going to still be involved with you”. I did indulge in the experiences we had but I really didn’t want to put anyone on the pedestal and just keep having inconsistency. 

I realized with both therapy and the law that even with my flaws, I am wonderful and can get anything I want… So I only deserve the best of someone or just nothing. I am not going to waste my time anymore and I am not afraid to throw people out of my life anymore even if I feel the sudden anxiety and cortisol rush inside me at first. I wanted the SP2 from that other reality or just effing nothing. No less than that. I’m not that joke of a person anymore who would stay with someone putting up with mistreatment out of loneliness and insecurity.

I realized. If narcissists and people who claim that I’m a bad person still go after me, that means that I’m really valuable and they are just making me feel like nothing to use me like a puppet. I’m not a puppet, I’m the master of this reality and I will not tolerate being treated like a peasant when everyone is actually the ones dependent on me. I had the power from the start, as a person and a manifester. 

They are the ones missing out on me.

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In the end, because I persisted that I didn’t want anything less than the SP2 from the other reality, the 3D caught up to that and SP2 from this reality really became the person I fell in love with and embodied it. And in the end, after many difficulties, we started dating. I did tell him about the law and about the reality shifting, I even told him that I really want no less than true love and devotion from him like his counterpart. And honestly… I am really happy right now. 

The only issue we have is that we are currently in a long distance relationship since he lives 3 hours away from me. Communication is great, understanding is quite good, he really loves the same things as me and we take good care of each other without any weird power dynamic play or minimizing each other’s experiences and feelings. Apparently, he had a similar experience to mine when it came to Ex!SP and we have been trying to be each other’s supporters in our growth and healing. Plus, he has become a good manifester himself!

As for SP1 and the microcheating friend, SP1 is currently avoiding people because people are going after him for lying and illegal activities and the microcheating friend is desperate to get SP2’s attention but after she openly bullied me out of jealousy from the attention that SP2 was giving me even before we dated, he is not paying attention to her and people are avoiding her for her public outburst.

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With this, I just want to teach other people to please assess their feelings and experiences first before manifesting an SP who’s an ex back. I really encourage therapy, doing research about trauma bonds and even joining communities that are really helpful with your mental health journey before even thinking of manifesting someone back. Are you doing it out of pity? Out of loneliness? Out of memories? Is it because of social pressure? You have to ask yourself those questions first before even thinking if it’s worth it, especially if YOU CAN EVEN HAVE YOUR DREAM RELATIONSHIP. Don’t put your SP on a pedestal and don’t settle for less. 

And with all tough love intended, why cry over not having a text when you can have a man literally kissing your feet? Seriously. I know it’s tough having to try and fix yourself but if you do, your reality will fix itself as well as soon as you know for sure. You cannot have consistency from the law if you’re not consistent with your wants and needs.

I’ll talk about my shifting experience, toxic friendships that can hinder your manifestation journey and other things in another post. Thank you for your time and happy manifesting!

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꒰ Always & Forever — Chii ꒱

[letstalktea]

Death Won’t Do Us Part

Content: Harper x Reader, Avery x Reader, Reader is dead at the start of the fic and it does not get better, physical abuse, Reader and Avery are implied to be in a more serious relationship, mentions of brain damage

Word Count: 1.5k

This wasn’t you. This lifeless, immobile husk with clouding eyes staring blankly ahead and skin that was slowly losing color. These stiff, cooling hands weren’t the same ones Harper had so lovingly held, disguised behind an unsteady mask of professionalism, each time you walked into their office for a check-up.

Their swirling eyes looked up at the dark brown ones – so dark they were nearly black – staring down at them. “You should have called sooner.”

Avery looked none the worse for wear, even staring directly at your corpse lying in the bed of his guest room which he must have moved you to – or paid someone to move you to. “It took time to clean the mess they made.”

A mess? Rigor mortis was already setting in and Avery was calling your death a mess. Not even an accident. Just a mess.

“And how can I help you with this mess?” Harper hated using Avery's callous words to refer to you, but they also knew the extent of the man’s rage and how easily it could turn on anyone he thought couldn’t do anything to fight back against him. They’d taken care of your open wounds and broken bones plenty of times to know just how dangerous the man was behind closed doors and they weren’t willing to find out just how much lower on the totem pole Avery thought they were than himself.

“Fix it. Discreetly.”

That would have been easier if Avery had called them when you had first gotten hurt rather than waiting to cover his own ass. If they had gotten there sooner, been able to see you before the life had left your eyes and Avery had moved your body – and you had clearly been moved – Harper may have been able to stabilize you. Better yet, if Avery had brought you to the hospital rather than hiding your body away in the guest room, they likely could have given you proper treatment. As things stood now, however, bringing you back from beyond the grave would require a miracle.

They wanted answers, both because they wanted to know what Avery had done to you this time but also because they needed to know what it was they were being asked to fix. 

“How did this happen?”

Avery’s face twisted into anger, as if being questioned was in and of itself a taboo. Now that they had seen the expression for himself, Harper understood why you were always so secretive about your injuries even though it was obvious where they had come from. If that was the face you saw every time you stepped out of line or made even the smallest mistake, they could understand why you never dared to say anything that would risk your safety any further.

Harper wasn’t you though. They were just the person having to deal with the aftermath.

“The longer it takes me to figure out what happened to them, the more time they have to rot. Their eyes are already clouding over and their eyesight won’t be as good as it was. They may even have some leftover joint and mobility issues due to the chemical changes in their muscles. It would be more helpful if you happened to know how they hurt themselves.”

Avery was too put together to click his tongue, but Harper could sense that it was the exact reaction to display his displeasure with the situation.

“They tripped and hit their head on the corner of the bookcase.”

In other words, Avery had hit you hard enough that you fell and hit your head, and that had killed you.

They’d seen your blood many, many times. From collecting it in vials to patching up the less than savory injuries you’d come into the hospital with over the years. They’d seen you in all manners of state. Once, they’d even had to cut your forehead open to pick out shards of glass that had buried themselves deep beneath your skin. That day was awful for everyone involved. They swore to themselves that nothing could be worse than that day, especially after you started crying in fear that your face had been ruined and how angry Avery would be if the stitches left a scar after your wound healed.

Avery always made you bleed, it was just that this time the bleeding had been mostly inside your brain. They wouldn’t know if it was epidural or subdural without further testing, but the result was the same either way; death. Even if they managed to bring you back, a feat seeming more and more impossible by the second, you would have brain damage. 

If Avery would be upset by a scratch on your face, they couldn’t imagine his unadulterated rage when they told him that you wouldn’t be the same person when you came back. Avery wanted a trophy, not a partner. If you weren’t polished to his liking, he would throw you away and get another. 

But one person’s trash was another person’s treasure.

Avery wouldn’t want you if you didn’t live up to his ideals, but Harper would. They would always want you, no matter what you were like when you came back. If Avery would gladly let you go and leave you in their waiting hands, that would be fine. In fact, if the brain damage was bad enough, perhaps they could get you a permanent residency in the asylum, where they could keep a close eye on you everyday.

You would have no more injuries, no more late night emergencies, no more terrifying calls like this one. You would be perfectly safe in a room they would never allow you to leave because they could write that you weren’t capable of being on your own. You would only have to see them everyday. They wouldn't even allow the orderlies to see you. Even when they were away at the hospital, they wouldn't allow another person near you.

Harper tried not to smile because they knew it would give away their intentions.

“May I have a moment?” They asked Avery in the hopes that he would leave the room so they wouldn’t have to try and suppress their jubilation.

Avery didn’t move.

“This will be ghastly,” Harper said, trying to touch on Avery's sensitivities.

He seemed to think about it for a moment. “I expect results.”

“I’ll do what I can.”

“And if you can’t do anything?”

“Whether I can or can’t, you won’t find this issue when you come back.” Because, if they couldn’t fix you, they knew Avery was expecting them to get rid of the problem in a way that didn’t cause him any more trouble than he’d already gone through. That’s what it meant to be discreet.

Avery looked at them, then at you. 

If Harper didn’t know better, they would think the annoyance gave way to the smallest spark of sadness when his eyes landed on your placid face. But he didn’t earn the right to be sad about your current state.

Avery left the room, closing the door behind him.

As soon as it was just Harper and you, they smiled. They smiled so widely that their cheeks hurt and they had to hold back their laughter. 

They could whisk you away right now and Avery wouldn't question a thing. They could put you in your new – technically old – room and keep you close. Avery would never look for you at the asylum because he thought the place was beneath him. 

The only flaw in their plan was that you were very much still dead.

No.

You couldn't be dead.

The dead didn't come back to life. No matter how good of a doctor Harper was, that would remain true. You were simply playing at being dead because you were trying to get away from Avery. That was the only way this night could end in any way other than tragedy. 

Harper understood your plan without you telling them a thing and was happy to help you carry it out. They examined the spot where you'd hit your head and reasoned that it was merely bruised. The clouding of your eyes was a trick of the light and your stiff limbs were the result of your tiredness.

You were fine.

You had to be because, if you weren’t, there was nothing they could do.

But, because you were clearly fine – maybe a little roughed up due to Avery's heavy hand, but otherwise fine – they would have to whisk you away from this place. Avery already gave their tacit approval for you to vanish without a word or trace and Harper saw no reason not to take him up on his generous offer.

Harper would gladly keep you.