#esp on my own blog!
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My pinned is so long now. Should I get an about or faq page?? If yes, should I slim down my pinned post??
Feel free to tell me why in the notes
#not news#me#poll#polling#check my pinned if you want to see my policy about my posts about palestine btw#I have a specific policy now#and it made my pinned significantly longer#I did sit here and ask myself “Is this way too granular and detailed a poll for something like this?”#and then I remembered that I'm autistic and I can do what I want#esp on my own blog!#and I LIKE granular detail#as you may have noticed from the length of uh all my posts lol#I like to think it's part of what makes me good at this#The granular is what makes things feel REAL#and we need detail these days in order to trust both the news and the hope
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y'all need to get a grip. you blab all day about how much you hate bigots and hateful people and how evil it is to dehumanize anyone and then you turn around and say "kys" and "i think [x] should all just kill themselves" and other disgusting, violent and childish trash
so many people on here are just full of hatred and vitriol and turn into frenzied sharks anytime the target 'deserves it' and they think they can get away with it and not be called bad people. then they whine about how sad it is that we can't all just get along and if only all the evil people in the world would stop doing evil things wouldn't that be nicer
you're just as vicious, hypocritical and fanatically puritanical as the caricature you have made in your minds of the people you think you have nothing in common with. if you've ever told someone, ANYONE to kill themselves you're not advocates of justice, you're not artisans of peace, and you certainly don't have any moral high ground that would allow you to pass judgment on others
#i'm tired#you're so terrified of being bad people that you convince yourselves you could *never* be bad#and then any expression of hatred towards others (the “bad people”) gets reframed as proof of your own moral character#((making you even more afraid of being bad because you don't want to be at the receiving end of the hatred and so on and so forth))#you can say whatever you want about religious people and esp christians but 1) you're as religious as they are but at least they know it#and 2) most of the christians i've met are magnitudes more forgiving of others than this website's self-righteous preachers#(this isn't about anything people have said to me btw it's about what i see reading blogs from all across the social/political spectrum)#this about the radfem-hating liberals and the pro-life-hating radfems and the liberal-hating pro-lifers. Round and round we go#it’s about the people who put rabid antisemitism on my dash and whose only socio-political analysis is to call EVERYTHING bad#“Just like nazism”#Yapping about how much more moral and enlightened they are than ppl who introduce nuance into complex topics while they parrot slogans#I hate slogans so bad
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'thats not his role in the story!' hm i wonder what the point of it is then. hm i wonder what the dead pixel scene means. hm i wonder what wrong organ are trying to say with the context of 'awesome male friendship' and 'corporate hell where the only woman onboard is constantly under ridicule, abused or forcibly forgotten yet is the catalyst' if not this. hm i wonder how curly's physical agony being a direct parallel to anya's mental agony, stripped of voice, agency, just like her, and being forced to watch what happens while not doing jack shit, just like he used to, plays a part in this. i wonder what the moral of him being the final girl says about living with the consequences of your inaction, because of sentimentality, because of status, career and social. hm i wonder whatever the fuck this game was trying to say. hm i wonder what else is on this person's blog Oh Lord there's yaoi penice.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing spoilers#sa mention#dont go after this person but i hooooope they rethink. their view of the story.#but god im gonna squeeze lemons in my eyes soon#taking this game away from yall until you unlearn misogyny#ooooh curlys just sooo sweet poor thaaang oh my oh my youre looking sooo far into thissss haaahaaa#its all just a misunderstanding!!!! anya didnt speak clearly enough!!!! noooo its not on my beautiful blue eyed rascal hahaaa#ok look curlys an insane character i love analyzing him and i VERY MUCH dont want people to think im like villanizing the guy#the entire point is that otherwise pretty chill people can fuck up OF THEIR OWN FAULT AND BIAS and then learn. painfully. what not to do.#and by chill i also dont mean holy water pure ok. distinctions.#and id really hate people taking either side of the argument on curlys morality. esp considering his appearance (for both.)#just don't. fucking make baby ass black and white arguments#this game should be behind a childproof lock in the shape of a reading comprehension test abt crime and punishment#im super supportive of people trying to think outside the norm about art like mouthwashing and explaining their own musings#and talking with others and trying to understand how to argument their thoughts which is what the op of the post this was left on was doing#being genuinely curious and open#but brother i draw the line at so merrily denying the main fucking point of the character in the catalyst event#GOOD GOD make this game only accessible to 35+ yo's with no internet access#the contents of their blog were just the cherry on top#unblocking them in hopes they see this ig
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sometimes i overshare on here as a form of exposure therapy to make me less afraid of talking about my feelings and my desires bc i spent so long not being able to voice them that i never learned how to do it. and even though this isn't necessarily the best place to be like "hey guys i went to Sex Therapy" it's also like. necessary to say that somewhere given that for a month after i got referred by the gender clinic i was ashamed and embarrassed to admit to mySELF that i even got the referral. so. you know. it's part of the process of unlearning shame and normalising this stuff for myself. sorry for using youse as my therapy. i will continue to do this
#also since it is an important part of learning not to be ashamed#i will not be making any effort to be family friendly on this blog#if you are uncomfortable with these topics (esp if you're a teenager) it's on you to unfollow#i am on my own path here and that means trying to talk more openly about these things#because in fact feeling like i'm not allowed to talk about 'adult' topics is a major issue for me#and has reinforced a lot of the shame#just a psa!#personal
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watched usopp's little arc with defeating sugar and wow it took A LOT for him to turn back after running away to fight them again. but then later he finds out that she's awake and thinks about how he'll lose his memories of Luffy if he doesn't take care of her again, and IMMEDIATELY makes up his mind to shoot her from SO FAR AWAY?
#i know what you are#IM KIDDING#ugh they all love their friends so much i hate this show (affectionate)#man seeing usopp's growth has been SO 🔥🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️💝💝💝#esp when it comes to his friends#he's one of the wimpiest on the crew but i still think he should get more credit for all his feats so far anyways#AND THAT ONE SCENE WHERE LUFFY WAS LIKE “haha dw usopp's there so it'll be okay!” WHEN THEY WERE WORRIED ABOUT THE LITTLE PPL UNDERGROUND#and also when people were like yay god usopp saved us and luffy went “i love when ppl say good things about my friends ^_^” i love u luffy#the sweetie pies to ever#idk if i should tag this as ship cuz then lusopp truther in me wants to but then again u can take this as super strong friendship too#ugh whatever im just gonna do it i can be cringe and free also i wanna navigate lusopp stuff on my own blog too so#one piece#op#min watches one piece#dressrosa#usopp#god usopp#lusopp#usolu#teehee giggle i can do what i waaanntt#me when an army of oppressed people are dying and beggijg for u to save them 🙄😮💨😒#me when my BOYFRIEND has the potential to be turned into a toy by a little girl 😥😢😢😰😨😕🫤😦😧😭😨😡😡🤬#im JOKIGNNGNG#not#ily usopp he still went back for them and that's what matters <33 also he was willing to lay his life down for them too so#ok enough
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The business partners are dancing!
#rel'sart#alastor#charlie magne#hazbin hotel#hh#vivziepop#got my own issues with the show and creator but I've been attached to the two of them since the pilot#can be interpreted as charlastor if you like :3#I never really saw them as father and daughter esp in the pilot? So episode five was a slap to the face. I did not see it coming at all SDO#charlastor#like#I can understand how others would ship them given how intriguing their dynamic is#both of their ideals and beliefs are in conflict and against each other#but at the same time they seem to share a lot of similar interests??? and also the vibes are impeccable#like the two of them can really challenge the other I would say...#but yeah my blog is a safe space for those who like Charlastor!#honestly I don't even mind a platonic dynamic for them#their interactions are always so intriguing to me#Like Alastor being intrigued by Charlie#seeing her as the most interesting thing after years of BOREDOM#He wants in on that#Front row seats if you will#I think every single action he takes towards her is manipulative but he grows to care for her in his own way#Charlie sees the good in everyone and is hellbent on proving Alastor wrong#One might say#she believes in redeeming even him#which Alastor just laughs at#I've been a Charlastor shipper since the pilot and I have curated my own specific view on them ever since KSDHD#Like...in the Charlastor ship right...I can't actually imagine Alastor loving Charlie in a romantic way??#It's more like he's fascinated by her and wants to shake her in a bottle BAHAHAH
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i think i officially set my sights on a therapist and i'll be contacting her very soon?? therapy was legitimately not on my 2024 bingo card (or in the cards for me at all) but here we are????
#this blog always had a focus on social science and detangling feelings and experiences. like it's basically been serving as my diary#bc this blog has always been my main outlet for it. i hate talking feelings to anyone irl. it's a bad habit but i hate it#so it was a game changer and helped me grow up sooo much. esp supplemented w other people's experiences.#being raised by a stoic engineer mother who's very much warm but also not very good at feelings at times has caused me to suppress SO much#compounded w being the eldest daughter. like that is a damning sentence in and of itself#tumblr just gave me an outlet for stuff like this. and every social media is essentially a highlight reel of ppl's best moments.#tumblr is the opposite. i've always loved that too whether it was in the form of humor or more earnest posts#could i work through my own issues by myself? yes probably#and my blog will always have that facet even if i get a therapist#but a therapist's input. just a professional's input. will expedite a lot of improvement for me i think#this has been a critical time period for me anyway bc i'm budgeting my whole schedule for once vs being handheld by uni deadlines#and it's just gonna keep getting more and more intense from here bc i'm truly pushing my comfort zone more than ever before#it just feels like the right call even tho i'm lowkey nervous ab it bc i HATE talking feelings in person.#this therapist will not fall for my trying to deflect by asking her about her life. which. usually works on my friends <3#we will see. a therapy arc is coming very soon basically#p
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#helluva boss#hellaverse#stolitz critical#(*forgot to include an OC option sorry 😭*)#(*for those who’ve followed my blog for awhile yall probably already know my own answer lol*)#(*ofc realistically I am 100% fine if Blitz stays single*)#(*esp after all he’s dealt with in life/present day he really does need a break for himself imo*)#(*-aaaand maybe the comfort of his goofy clown bff but that’s just the BlitzFizz stan in me talking gkgkgk👀*)
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been thinking about for a long time how i really missing doing creative projects with others but at the same time its always blown up in my face so i think im not going to do it anymore
#its great when it works but when it doesnt (always for me) it just sucks real bad and at this point i think id just rather do my own thing#thunderclap#on the flipside i miss discussing oc stuff with friends but i havent been able to do that for a long time for various reasons#esp. just bouncing ideas off of each other which is how i used to do worldbuilding or at least getting some feedback and i think thats#why recently i have stagnated so so so much in terms of worldbuilding i dont really have anything going on with anyone#art is a collaborative between you and the world but what do you do when no one around you really cares?#i know venting about it on my blog wont fix it by any means but its my god given right to complain about it <3
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I wish tumblr let you organize your posts into like. Folders. So all the asks can be in one folder but if someone just wants to see art that’s in another and if they wanna just see text posts another etc
#personal#I get so anxious about organization hdfhs#like I wish I could put all the asks I answer into their own thing so that my blog stays neater#but I don’t wanna stop answering asks I LOVE answering asks#esp the questions and the lore curious ones they make me SO happy#ah well
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unfortunately despite the fact that i have "too much" yarn in the sense that at my limited knitting pace it would take me years if not decades to get through it, i don't have much of it in woven scarf quantities. or rather, i have lots and lots of skeins of (mostly sock) yarn that could provide either warp or weft but not quite enough for both, and don't really go together at all colorwise
#vexing.#things i have in quantity i mostly would still rather knit than weave at least right now#im not actually against buying more yarn to weave with esp since this experience suggests i could get a couple cones of single-color wool#and get rid of a lot of sock yarn as weft in itself or for pattern weft#however. right now it is right now. and i want to start winding a warp.#i may post photos of my current frontrunners and explain my deliberations at length#i know i post a lot more about my Process and also my immense perseverations than most people who blog about handicrafts#and i feel a need to explain that it's not that im actually so dependent and indecisive that i can't if needed make my own yarn choices#i just love to make posts on my blog. and thoughts about yarn activities tend to rank highly in my personal criteria for posts.#box opener
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lots of respect for ppl who don't post/talk abt certain oc things due to not wanting to spoil their own stuff, however i will not be doing that. by the time any of this stuff is finished it'll probably be different anyways
#i have this thing where i simultaneously cannot ever find the words to articulate my oc stuff and the inability to shut up about it#who the fuck knows if i'll actually finish it. i mean i'd love to. i WANT to but these are (for now) passion projects and i can't devote#myself to them full time so! i'll hand over the details#nothing wrong with not wanting to spoil things either i get it. i jsut talk a lot. esp if i'm excited abt smthin#actually now that i think abt it there are some ttw things i keep close to my chest#partially for spoiler things but also the canon of the story is so wildly different from what it has been that it is the one case where i#don't want to introduce something cool and neat only to have it scrapped later bc this blog is evidence that i have done that. many times#and thinking abt storytelling the way i imagine honeybee being told is nonlinear so at times it necessitates me 'spoiling' things from#p1 and p2 for instance to explain how they got to where they are in p3#i'm thinking a bit more and with ttw being horror i think the next time i get around to taking a solid jab at it i will actually be more#cagey about certain things. esp in regards to sanguine as a whole#but it's underbaked in the middle rn so. shrugs#i still also don't really mind spoilers in general so i don't give much of a shit abt spoiling my own stuff yknow?#good stories are good regardless of spoilers and my intention is to make good stories. not that i can be the one to judge that tho#but i like what i make and that's the really matters yeeeeeeeehaaaawwwwwww#rambles
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man, part of me really wants to type out a whole rant about this shit but I feel like if I do there won't really be a central point and it will just be a bunch of disjointed rambling. so all I'll say is I'm so fucking tired of svt being under a giant corporation. like regardless of opinion about pledis by itself/pre-hybe, at least then we a) knew what we were dealing with and b) had /some/ collective power as fans to influence the company (ex. getting closer MV and svt ring as merch incidents)
all the hybe acquisition did was add 10 more layers of politics onto everything. for every one thing you could argue hybe improved or fixed, there's like 100 other pieces of bullshit that got introduced directly or indirectly. and it's not even a situation of hybe trying to sabotage svt or whatever like some ppl try to fearmonger about, it's literally all just capitalism and trying to please shareholders and make a profit and I'm so fucking tired of it
#this isn't about any one thing btw this feeling has been building since the acquisition was first rumored#and there were a couple things in the last couple months or so that have just brought it all to the surface#but also i feel like im just frustrated bc a lot of this stuff i saw coming like 4 years ago when the acquisition was just a rumor#and like. idk with every passing year feeling vindicated in the worst way possible#bc i wish i was proven wrong#but capitalism always wins so i cant really be surprised#ugh kind of ended up ranting anyway hopefully im making sense#idk might end up deleting this later anyway#bc i like to keep this blog relatively positive for both my own and yalls sake#and idk if i have the energy to answer any asks that might arise from this either#esp since ive been having a stressful week at work too#but ugh we'll see#melia.txt
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how did u choose your username?
oh, this is a fun one!! i think i considered being swordtold at first, for that very ancient myth vibe of the sword being this narrative tool for adventure and structure and physical time, the parable being passed down through the centuries until it meddles into modern day rhetoric and ideology – a kind of fantastical tool, a spark of magic, of possibility.
i like the arc of the story of a place being physical / having it be held by time and hand alike, wearing with the years and having it become something different to each holder, each reader, each experience fantastical and individual.
having that kind of physicality to it; swordheld is the action of taking up and holding the sword yourself, choosing your own narrative, leading your own story. self-identity has always been something i struggle with (a novel concept i know, i know), so it felt right for this blog, since most of my older blogs before this one have been just me silently reblogging and never really posting anything myself, and i wanted this to be the change to that.
i've always had trouble wranging my social anxiety, esp. on the internet, and previously thought that keeping my words to myself helped keep the timeline cleaner, in a way, no messy thoughts for others to sort through, especially ones i believed no one would want to read anyway? but it never felt right, keeping myself apart from it all, esp. not in the way i so avidly enjoyed reading others' posts and additions, keeping their words close to my heart.
i wanted it to reflect that this was a space i was holding for myself? and i'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but this - this i think i got right. i love being here, on this blog, and the joy that it brings me. everyone else enjoying it too has been a wild ride that i never expected, and still surprises me, one that brings a little extra thrill to my heart whenever i think about it.
i had other urls that i liked, but i didn't want this blog to be tied directly to any of my fandom/story interests, since i wanted it to really just be a sort of archive of artistic inspiration and resource, like a little library or museum. i use them now as lil sideblogs of more niche interests now, which is rather lovely.
it hasn't always felt like it fit perfectly, the way that i'd like, but for some reason i can't think of really wanting to change it anytime soon. it feels mythic yet modern in a way that feels like puzzle pieces finally slotting into their place, something my own and inspirational to me, like a lantern i'm holding to make my way by. my own kind of light, if that makes sense – a star i know by name.
#q&a.#birdsong.#all of this is truly just a way to say: it's your blog! it's your party! do what you like if it makes you happy!! (and doesn't hurt anyone!#live your dreams!!!!!! do your own thing truly it is worth it. which feels silly and cheesy inspirational talk vibes but u kno. it's right#thank u for ur question tho !!! it's been so long that i don't really remember exactly what the beginning of it all was?#it wasn't always my url for this blog esp. in the beginning but i've forgotten what that was ghjk so sorry dear anon !#like little flashes of a story in my memory i have to make out / like steam or fog on a window pane. blurry and unclear?#but now it feels more intentional / almost like watercolor! something that mixes itself into a new thing; bright and bursting w/ it all.#i hope this answers ur question nicely all the same tho <3#i always on habit write out lantern as lanturn so this is an unintentional shout out to one of my fav pokemon love u lanturn !!#some of these things i truly do just write out bc i know it'll make me laugh later if i ever come back to it. lil joys for ur future self !#and that IS a reference to the dickinson poem ' i am out with lanterns looking for myself ' it is in my brain always ! ! thank u ! !
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youtube
like. i’m really not joking around when it comes to all around excellence exid are The example
#LIKE COME ON NOW also why was hani so good in every pitch like.. its whichever pitch you want queen <3#alsooo elly so magnetic such insane charisma always#and all of them in the suits oh i actually uploaded this vid to my blog yrs ago when it first aired but it got deleted from yt and i need#to have it in my little diary on here <3#also also this is what i mean when i tell you i’m spoilt i can’t be seeing people struggle with singing their OWN SONGS when they get a#music show win that’s just absolutely unacceptable to me. it’s either be fawking outstanding or go home in my books#esp if you’re WINNING and shit don’t make me maaaaad.#exid#Youtube
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hey fuck the 4th of july I’m now only celebrating the 3rd of july which is emancipation day in the now-US Virgin Islands (St. Thomas, St. John, & St. Croix) celebrating when in 1848 my ancestors started burning the plantations and shops and everything bc the Danish monarchy told them they were going to be freed gradually over a couple of years and the formerly-enslaved people said absolutely not we’re gonna be free NOW
#my grandma told me about that yesterday morning so I now only celebrate emancipation day lol#basically it’s juneteenth but for the usvi (when they/we were still danish)#emancipation day#usvi#us virgin islands#………tbh we don’t know if we actually have ancestors in the usvi going back that long#like we know we’re from Antigua and probably Trinidad but we don’t know for Sure#but considering how old my great grandparents were like……someone was at least on st croix lol#ANYWAY EMANCIPATION DAY BABY LETS GO I love hearing abt Caribbean slave revolts esp when I get to be like IM RELATED TO THEM#fuck the danes! (for them owning my ancestors specifically)#why did I make this post here and not on my main I don’t know but tbh I have more ppl I talk to on this blog now so. 💁🏽
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