#end addiction

[scream4ash]

tw 4 addiction, talks of self harm, talks of disordered eating, mental illness, self destructive tendencies, just overall me being a piece of shit.

hey, guys. ash here. i guess i wanna apologize for just dissapearing. when i had originally started posting, and decided i was going to be a writer i was sober, n in a better headspace. since then i have relapsed, n fallen into the cycle of addiction n destruction n just overall have not been in a good place.

i have struggled with substance abuse since i was around 13, mainly being alcohol or weed due to easy access. more recently in january of this year i had started abusing antihistamines. that way, i could tell myself it was just medicine, there was no harm in what i was doing. for those of you who don’t know, antihistamines are anti-allergy meds.

on march 17, i had overdosed. my girlfriend had found me on my bedroom floor seizing out. i was brought to the hospital via ambulance, n released the same day. i would love to say i stopped, n i realized the way im going would kill me, but i didnt. i had overdosed again 8 days later. this time when i was brought in to the er i was put on suicide watch. then i wouldve denied any attempts at harming myself, but deep down i didnt care the outcome. though im just now realizing i never really cared about what’d happen to me, but i think part of me always knew. i knew the consequences, i decided that god shall decide my fate.

i was then transferred from the er to a psychiatric unit where i was treated for depression n bipolar disorder.

when i was released a week later i decided it would be a new chapter. i had gotten a job, i was sober, n most importantly people saw me.

that lasted for around two months. the euphoria i felt had all come crashing down. i had slowly rejoined the forgotten, my own friends forgetting about me. i had fell back into isolation n self-hatred. i was fading out again, n no one noticed. no one noticed when i had started skipping meals, or the way my body physically could not allow itself to keep a single bite of food down, or the lack of sleep, even the empty look in my eyes. i have yet again fallen into the hand of addiction, seeking comfort from what i know is no longer there, what may have never been there in the first place. i have barely left my house, only going outside to walk my dog. i can no longer recognize who i see in the mirror. more recently i havent even been able to get out of bed to go to work.

i feel the need to clarify that i am 19 years old, the life i am living is not the life to live. i am actually all alone in the world. guys, if u, or a friend, or a parent, or a loved one, hell even ur worst enemy. if anyone u know, or may know of is struggling with addiction, let them know you are there. let them know that you havent gave up, youre still fighting for them. if ur thinking about trying drugs, or alcohol, hell even weed. don’t. take it from me. dont.

i havent been very active on here, n i am sorry. i am going to reopen my requests and start posting short works/blurbs. i will also get to the requests in my inbox, n those will be filled as blurbs. again, i’m sorry 4 bailing on you guys.

also so super sorry for the sob story, idk. kinda feels good to get this shit of my chest. idk, makes me feel like u guys know me kinda.

@calumikey @ashen-char @f4ngtooth @theactualqueenelizabeth @brittanysnowsgf @iheartambss @phorsphyn @spiderb00 @allsovls @jennaortegaswifey @liaisbaeee @xxxninjaxxx23 @chaejiberry @nohumanityhope @blakeroni @mm-myluv @amberfreemanmygirlfriend @lilahaga @mikeymisser @carolcunha7 @not-alesha @burninghotlava @shaunashipmanism @chaoticghosthoagiegoop @paigesbabymama @spidersareskrunkly @ghostampire @cursedashes @yveslish

tried to tag all of my followers, or as many that it’d tag. idk, i really want this to be seen.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

5 years ago, I was in Rehab.

10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.

But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.

One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.

Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.

For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.

But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.

Happy.

It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.

Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.

It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.

A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.

5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.

It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.

Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.

I’m a Rescue.

She gave me a Home.

And, so, I gave her a Family.

It seemed fair

This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.

don’t give up yet, ok?

It could get good, even.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Maybe we never had a chance.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[leftshiftwashere]

Showing him off because I'm proud as hell

I think the doorwings are one of the best parts because guess what! I animated them

So basically the animations they have: Idle, walking, running, swimming, jumping, hurt

He was a pain to texture and at some point I got scared I'll have to start from scratch, mostly because I messed up the files and the textures wouldn't apply. Obviously in the end I fixed it because I simply can't stop winning.

His animations also got a bit messed up. I planned for it to be possible to run and jump without the jumping animation interrupting the running one but oh well.(Not sure what went wrong I adjusted the priorities correctly)

Also I'm thinking of adjusting the hurt animation to be faster because it's not as clear

Annndddd also have a regular skin of him I made. He's very bald though

It's just that I got too hungry and bit his doorwings off. Whoopsies!

Anyway 👋

[mattiebluebird]

Honestly I feel like if Fiddleford fell into the portal instead of Ford, the whole plot of Gravity Falls would've been wrapped up decades sooner.

People forget that Ford needed Fiddleford's help to build that portal. Even with 12 PhDs and a god of knowledge whispering in his ears, Ford couldn't figure it out! And though FF is physically weaker than Ford, he's not exactly useless in a fight; he gets Ford out of trouble numerous times in Journal 3 & TBOB.

Ford traveled the multiverse for over 30 years looking for a way to kill Bill, and it's ultimately still Fiddleford (or rather a happier, healthier version of him) that helped finish the quantum destabilizer. In fact, Fiddleford made not one, not two, but three deadly weapons that were used against Bill, including the one that ultimately ended him (the quantum destabilizer, mystery shackatron, & the memory gun).

...so yeah, he would've been back home in time for dinner.

[emacrow]

Orphan's baby

Cass was in the middle of helping the Batfam along with Batman raids through the the hidden base they had found underground lab in an abandoned hospital messing with a neon verison of lararus pits liquid.

Red Robin had already adjacked the security and was going through the files with Spoiler. Nightwing and Red hood beating up the guards while batman was battling with the main boss behind it all.

She was with Robin as they were taking some samples and destroying the remaining ones.

She had already crack through most of seemingly important hidden rooms that seem to be hiding completely full with containers full of lararus pits with tags of PH4N70M, and a winter blue colored marble in a container sealed to the safe that was spelling out electricity every minute in the container.

It looked important, but why a marble..?

She broke the container holding the marble, taking most of the lararus pits containers as well while destroying the remaining unaware of the glow that pulsed in the marble.

By the time is was to retreat, everything was in the clear as Spoiler needed to unscramble hidden files that were behind multiples firewalls.

They were at the batcave when they were securing the containers of lararus pits for later sampling, only for the marble to be missing..?

She was sure that she place it in her bat waist pouch, but it wasn't there anymore..

Did she dropped it accidentally while collecting the containers of larausu pits?

It was already too late to check back now, so she decided not to tell anyone yet.

Until 2 months later, she started feeling downright sick nauseated. Right after Dinner of Alfred's infamous lasagna Tuesday, but.. it tasted a bland which was throwing her off completely.

She was only dropping down by the batcave to just self analysis herself.. only to stop walking half way the secure containement holding all the lararus pits that they brought back..

She couldn't stop herself from staring at it with vast hunger before the swirl of neon green filling her vision and blank her conscience out the window..

Only to wake up in her room on her bed, 3 empty containers with not a inch of lararus pits left inside as if it was wiped-or licked clean. She hide the containers under her bed and stood quiet later on as nobody had noticed yet what she had done.

She doesn't know what had happen, but the nausea and sick feeling went away as if nothing happen.

Hopefully it would be a one time thing...

Bruce and his long lines of lawyers had disbanded the GIW completely over the illegal experimentally on sentient aliens of another world which they tried to label them as ghosts until they tried to accused Superman of being one of them which quickly label their entire Government supported work as hate crime and was steady being searched, along finding a couple of missing traumatized teens, adults and children that had vanished the months before in the other hidden labs.

...

....

.....

She had her head in her hands as she silently groaned when she peak her eyes between her fingers to see several dozen empty containers and immediately close her eyes to try and pretend she didn't see them.

It only been 5 months since that incident and she had seemingly got away with it, but then nausea came back with vengeance like no other, and the increased appetite was new, but yet it didn't filled her belly with the bland taste or satisfaction even though she did felt a bit feint during the couple of night patrols despise feeling energized earlier.

Something was wrong and she know it as she went to the only person who could help her right now.

She went to Alfred straight away silently explaining the situation going on because she honestly have no idea was going on with her and she know she loves his food, and the feint spells, and the monsterous appetite and the insatiable need to swallow a crapton of lararus pits with twelve milkshakes and fourteen bags full bat burgers.

Alfred could only stared with his eyebrows raising slowly with every word spilling out of her mouth.

Alfred helped her get examined in the batcave medbay, and 2 hours later the blood result came in.

Case was pregnant, but It was a almost cryptic pregnancy.

Alfred didn't had the equipment out for a ultrasound at all yet, but from he know from Cass it was during the Raiding of that hidden lab and her being in contacted with this 'marble' that seemingly disappeared after she grabbed it.

That was 7 months ago, but luckily Alfred caught it in time before it literally became a cryptic pregnancy.

Oh the ultrasounds pics of the little baby fetus with his fast beating lil heart beating were precious as he got tiny misty eyes a bit compare to Cass's awestruck look staring at the screen then back at her belly.

He does help get extra vitamins pills, and call her off of Crime duty until further noticed . Bruce on the otherhand was concerned but all he got from Alfred was the You Better not investigate this because I have major blackmail of embarrassing toddler photos against you.

This is Alfred moment that he been waiting for since Bruce became a new adult but not yet sired a baby at the Wayne Manor at all. He is savoring this for the memories and scapebooking time. He is cranking opened that forgotten but clean baby nursery of forlorning hopes.

2 months later, By the time Cass was ready to deliver the baby on February 11, and at February 12th, 12:01am.

Wren Alf Cain was born premature yet crying softly into the word.

[elderwisp]

◁ || ▷

[ light rattling ]

Frances: The hell?

Frances: Christ. Atlas. Atlas! Wake up!

Atlas: Hmm? Oh! Hello you. 

Frances: Found you.

Atlas: Good job but you never really needed me to tell you that. 

Frances: Are you sober? 

Atlas: Definitely coming down, that’s for sure. 

Atlas: [ rustling ]

Frances: You decent?

Atlas: [ snorts ] Sure. What? Did you want some? Should have told me sooner since I’m empty. 

Frances: You promised me this would stop. That was our deal.

Atlas: Promises are such a big commitment for something with such little return. I need something consistent, something I know. 

Frances: Did he really mess you up that badly?

Atlas: Don’t.

Frances: Because everything changed when he came into our lives.

Atlas: Stop.

Frances: You can’t even acknowledge him because you know it’s true.

Atlas: Stop it.

Frances: ROWAN! His name was Rowan and he ruined everything!

Atlas: Ruined everything?! Hah… Hahaha! No, no you’re wrong-

Frances: You’re so delusional you can’t even see it. Of course you can't, how could you?

Atlas: Get out. 

Frances: I am trying to help you!

Atlas: I said get out-

She grabs him by the shoulders

Frances: Were we not enough? Was I never enough? I’ve been here the entire time! All he ever did was leave you! I... I shouldn’t have said that. 

Atlas: [ voice breaks ] oh god…

Frances: Hey. No, no. I’m sorry. 

Atlas: [ whispers ] He didn’t ruin me, he only set me free. 

Frances: This is the price of freedom?

Atlas: No, this is the price of a heartbreak. This part is my fault. 

Frances: You can’t keep blaming yourself. 

Atlas: What makes you think I was in the right?

Frances: Because you’re my brother. I know you.

Atlas: [ small huff ] And you should know you can’t change a thing. 

Frances: I can. You’re going to get better. You have to. 

Atlas: How naive do you have to be to believe it’s a choice? I-

Frances: Are you ready to lose it all?

Atlas: … Say what you came here to say, Frances.

Frances: I don’t want this to be the rest of our lives. This has to be the last time. It needs to. [ pauses ] It needs to be or else I’m done. 

?: [ hurried knocking ]

Frances: You expecting someone?

Atlas: Trouble.

Frances: What?

?: [ banging ] I know you’re in there Atlas! Open the fucking door!

Frances: What did you do?

Atlas: You should… Stay here. Don’t come out until I say so.

[mysteroads]

A lot of Greek Mythology is Fanfiction... but not GOOD Fanfiction 😑

Since I've been obsessed about Epic the Musical, I did some poking around the actual mythology around The Iliad and The Odyssey, and... Ye Gods and Little Fishes 🙄. There doth madness live.

I'm specifically irritated about the "children of Odysseus/Circe/Calypso." Because-- while I'm not a scholar-- none of these kids are mentioned in The Odyssey, sooooo... I'm pretty dang sure that all of Ody's theoretical kids fall under three broad categories:

Someone wanted their city's/civilization's founder to have a famous, easily identified progenitor! (Agrius, Anteias, Ardeas, Rhomos)

Later authors wanted to name-drop Odysseus as the father for their OCs. (Cassiphone,Nausinous, Nausithous, Latinus)

Give Odysseus the King Arthur/Oedipus treatment (why, just why?), since Homer unfortunately left things in Ithaca kind of open-ended and vulnerable to bad fanfiction.

Why does this irritate me so? (Other than messing with my rare 'Greek myth happy endings?!') Because, while ~death of the author~ is a thing, in Book 16, Telemachus tells us that Zeus cursed Odysseus's family to have only one son a generation.

"Zeus made our line a line of only sons. Arcesius had only one son, Laertes, and Laertes had only one son, Odysseus, and I am Odysseus’s only son."1

And, I mean, can you blame Zeus for that? 😅 We only need one Odysseus.

Art by Wolfythewitch

1 Fagles, Robert, and Bernard Knox. The Odyssey. Penguin Publishing Group, 1997.

[bajinns]

cries I’m in Pikmin hell

[thatblueishbird]

made this like 3 minutes before i fell asleep

[vidkun]

chicken bake

[ann-chovi]

Elger'nan? Dead

The Veil? Stabilized

Thedas? SAVED (you know, for now)

LET THEM HUG IT OUT

[remy--hadley]

One of my favourite things to do while rewatching house is to pretend that the series ends at 6.02 broken. Yes House is no longer a drug addict and has started to heal from his trauma. He is going to be happy and peaceful and healthy. Cameron and chase are still married and are forever. Wilson is waiting for house at home and he will never get C-word. 13 and foreman are happy together. There is no car in cuddys living room because her and house are still on good terms. The future is bright. Not a single bad thing will happen to any of them. Nothing. Nope.

[trans-zag]

i don't think im going to post this one to my main blog but i don't want it to rot in my folders either. so woe waxwitch be upon ye

[cicada-heart]

somewhere in south georgia III

august 2016

this was such a strange, heady summer and i think of it often

(I, II, IV)

[aquanutart]

"little miss prairie faerie" is a cute name actually... (but I won't use it if she doesn't like it)