#encountered online are obviously in real life

[atthecenterofeverything]

for all the talk about a supposed "lack of reading comprehension" as the central issue of this website the thing that never stops to baffle me is how many people on this website still use concepts like normality and common sense when encountering discussions on topics where the answer sounds obvious and "look the kind of stupid discourse that people care about online" instead of taking a second to consider how their own biases and those of the society they were raised in might be shaping their reaction to this topic. like how are you a communist if you're sharing the viewpoint of this annoying fucking "people in real life: hey man how's it going" post that everyone and their mother was reblogging. genuinely this is the same phenomenon as reblogging "bad takes" online to make fun of them constantly or god forbid act as if a couple of ragebaiting tiktoks are symptoms of any kind of new phenomenon or an issue with the youth or whatever. maybe if you don't constantly seek out accounts that piss you off you'll be 1. less easy manipulable and 2. more open to topics of discourse that might not seem instantly obvious.

[fozmeadows]

There's a lot of conversations to be had around the current influx of Americans to Xiaohongshu (RedNote/Little Red Book) ahead of the TikTok ban, many of which are better articulated by more knowledgeable people than me. And for all the fun various parties of both nationalities seem to having with memes and wholesome interactions, it's undoubtedly true that there's also some American entitlement and exoticization going on, which sucks. But a sentiment I've seen repeatedly online is that, if it's taken actually speaking to Chinese people and viewing Chinese content for Americans to understand that they've been propagandized to about China and its people, then that just proves how racist they are, and I want to push back on that, because it strikes me as being a singularly reductive and unhelpful framing of something far more complex.

Firstly: while there's frequently overlap between racism and xenophobia, the distinction between them matters in this instance, because the primary point of American propaganda about China is that Communism Is Fundamentally Evil And Unamerican And Never Ever Works, and thinking a country's government sucks is not the same as thinking the population is racially inferior. The way most Republicans in particular talk about China, you'd think it was functionally indistinguishable from North Korea, which it really isn't. Does this mean there's no critique to be made of either communism in general or the CCP? Absolutely not! But if you've been told your whole life that communist countries are impoverished, corrupt and dangerous because Communism Never Works, and you've only really encountered members of the Chinese diaspora - i.e., people whose families left China, often under traumatic circumstances, because they thought America would be better or safer - rather than Chinese nationals, then no: it's not automatically racist to be surprised that their daily lives and standard of living don't match up with what you'd assumed. Secondly: TikTok's userbase skews young. While there's certainly Americans in their 30s and older investigating Xiaohongshu, it seems very reasonable to assume that the vast majority are in their teens or twenties - young enough that, barring a gateway interest in something like C-dramas, danmei or other Chinese cultural products, and assuming they're not of Chinese descent themselves, there's no reason why they'd know anything about China beyond what they've heard in the news, or from politicians, or from their parents, which is likely not much, and very little firsthand. But even with an interest in China, there's a difference between reading about or watching movies from a place, and engaging firsthand, in real time, with people from that place, not just through text exchanges, but in a visual medium that lets you see what their houses, markets, shopping centers, public transport, schools, businesses, infrastructure and landmarks look like. Does this mean that what's being observed isn't a curated perspective on China as determined both by Xiaohongshu's TOU and the demographic skewing of its userbase? Of course not! But that doesn't mean it isn't still a representative glimpse of a part of China, which is certainly more than most young Americans have ever had before.

Thirdly: I really need people to stop framing propaganda as something that only stupid bigots fall for, as though it's possible to natively resist all the implicit cultural biases you're raised with and exist as a perfect moral being without ever having to actively challenge yourself. To cite the sacred texts:

Like. Would the world be a better place if everyone could just Tell when they're being lied to and act accordingly? Obviously! But that is extremely not how anything actually works, and as much as it clearly discomforts some to witness, the most common way of realizing you've been propagandized to about a particular group of people is to interact with them. Can this be cringe and awkward and embarrassing at times? Yes! Will some people inevitably say something shitty or rude during this process? Also yes! But the reality is that cultural exchange is pretty much always bumpy to some extent; the difficulties are a feature, not a bug, because the process is inherently one of learning and conversation, and as individual people both learn at different rates and have different opinions on that learning, there's really no way to iron all that out such that nobody ever feels weird or annoyed or offput. Even interactions between career diplomats aren't guaranteed smooth sailing, and you're mad that random teenagers interacting through a language barrier in their first flush of enthusiasm for something new aren't doing it perfectly? Come on now.

Fourthly: Back before AO3 was banned in China, there was a period where the site was hit with an influx of Chinese users who, IIRC, were hopping over when one of their own fansites got shut down, which sparked a similar conversation around differences in site etiquette and how to engage respectfully. Which is also one of the many things that makes the current moment so deeply ironic: the US has historically criticized China for exactly the sort of censorship and redaction of free speech that led to AO3 being banned, and yet is now doing the very same thing with TikTok. Which is why what's happening on Xiaohongshu is, IMO, such an incredible cultural moment: because while there are, as mentioned, absolutely relevant things to be said about (say) Chinese censorship, US-centrism, orientalism and so on, what's ultimately happening is that, despite - or in some sense because of - the recent surge in anti-Chinese rhetoric from US politicians, a significant number of Americans who might otherwise never have done so are interacting directly with Chinese citizens in a way that, whatever else can be said of it, is actively undermining government propaganda, and that matters.

What it all most puts me in mind of, in fact, is a quote from French-Iranian novelist and cartoonist Marjane Satrapi, namely:

“The difference between you and your government is much bigger than the difference between you and me. And the difference between me and my government is much bigger than the difference between me and you. And our governments are very much the same.”

And at this particular moment in history, this strikes me as being a singularly powerful realization for Americans in particular to have.

[mister0ctopus]

apart-mental issues part 1

mini series - jeon jungkook

Pairings: Neighbor JK x Reader

Summary: Just your awkward and embarrassing encounters with your next-door neighbor, Jungkook.

PART 1: burrito warrior fuck my life 5 stars thin walls tangerines what's in the box? mission: possible perfect! easy fix

Ratings: 18+ ONLY! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Warnings: Explicit language, Mature Contents

Au/Genre: Mini Series, Neighbor JK, Smut, Fluff

Word Count: 3.6K

a/n: inspired by when i moved to my new apartment and my next door neighbor wasnt jungkook :(

🐙 Masterlist / AskMe

apart-mental issues part 1

apart-mental issues part 2

apart-mental issues part 3

apart-mental issues part 4

🌯 burrito warrior

You did it!

After months of endless scrolling, awkward tours, and disappointments, you finally found the one—the perfect apartment!

No roommates? Check!

Near the bus stop, grocery stores, coffee shops? Check!

Near your school and work? Check!

Modern apartment with high-tech amenities? Well, not check.

The building’s slightly dated exterior gave away its age, but hey, it was well-maintained and had that cozy, lived-in charm. So,

Vibes? Check!

It’s your first night in your new apartment, surrounded by a sea of sealed boxes (except for a mattress you’d laid on the floor). You feel accomplished. The drive from your old place was a nightmare, and you’ve got exactly five boxes with you, mostly clothes, books, and some appliances. Everything else is apparently still “on its way”, thanks to online shopping apps! You’re so ready for this fresh start. New apartment, new life!

You’d even spotted your next-door neighbor earlier—a tall, cute guy with arm tattoos and a sharp jawline. An eye candy wouldn’t hurt. He didn’t seem to notice you as he checked his mail while walking to his door, and you were glad, given your limited social skills.

After a much-needed shower, you wrapped yourself in a towel and waited for your food delivery. Starving, tired, and ready to crash, you finally heard a knock at the door.

AAAhhh!!! My buritooo!!!

You had added a note to your order to leave the food by your door. When the knocking stopped, you sprinted to the door, too hungry to think straight.

You opened the door to grab the paper bag, but just as your fingers brushed the edge, your foot caught on the doorframe, and the next thing you knew, you were slipping. Your arms flailed, grasping for anything to steady yourself but it was too late. A loud thud, then your feet hit something heavy, followed by another crash.

Disoriented, you blinked and found yourself on the floor, head resting awkwardly against the door. Your towel clung to your damp body as you processed the scene: the potted plant that once stood proudly in the hallway was now on the ground, soil scattered everywhere—and somehow, all over you. You groaned in disbelief, covered in dirt, your towel the only thing that kept you from being fully exposed.

Shit. Fuck. Great.

You didn’t move, your eyes squeezed shut in disbelief. The floor was cold against your skin, and as you stayed perfectly still, wishing this wasn’t real, a door swung open.

Your next-door neighbor.

Tattoos, sweatpants, an oversized shirt, messy hair—and ogling at the crime scene with his round, shocked eyes.

"What’s going on? You okay?"

His voice was calm but obviously concerned, which, honestly, was fair considering the sight before him: soil everywhere, woman on the floor, clutching a towel and burritos, hair wet.

It’s like a storybook with no text—just look at the scene and you’ll get the plot.

“Oh, uh…” you gestured at the mess. “Yeah, fine. Just… gardening at midnight. It’s a thing I do.”

He leaned against the doorframe, huffing. “Cool hobby. Very niche.”

You exhaled sharply.

"You need help? Didn’t break your spine or something? Here." He didn’t wait for a response, just offered his hand like it was the most casual thing in the world.

But you were too embarrassed to process any of it. You didn’t want help, didn’t want to exist, didn’t want to be perceived at all.

“Nope, I’m good. Just gonna lay here for a while.”

You wished you could just sink into the floor.

"Alright," he said, shrugging as if he’d offered you a hand, not a whole rescue mission. "If you say so. Holler if you need help, I’m right next door, as you can clearly see.”

He disappeared back into his apartment, leaving you on the floor with shame, dirt, and your burrito.

Never speaking to anyone here again? CHECK!

Once the coast was clear, you carefully got up, trying to shake the soil off your body, your towel clinging to you like it’s the only thing keeping you together. With a frustrated sigh, you reached for the door handle, but as your hand gripped it and you gave it a shake, you realized—it was locked.

You rattled it again, more forcefully this time, but no, it didn’t budge.

Locked out.

In a towel.

At midnight.

With a burrito in one hand.

“Fuck my life.”

🖕🏼fuck my life

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

You paced the hallway, trying to come up with the best course of action.

Minutes later, your next-door neighbor’s door opened again.

“You still out here?” His voice was casual, and you saw him standing there, now in a gray pajama set, holding a water bottle, looking at you like you were the weirdest creature he’d ever seen.

You tried to play it cool. “Oh, just, uh… admiring the hallway. Great maintenance work here. Big fan of this paint job.”

He tilted his head, clearly amused. He narrowed his eyes, “You locked yourself out, didn’t you?”

You stared at him.

Yes, observant king. Just goooo…

You groaned. But you try to sound optimistic “Yes, I locked myself out. But it’s fine! I’ll just wait here for the landlord in the morning.”

He chuckled, scratching the back of his head as his eyes scanned you up and down. "At midnight? In a towel? Freezing?"

You gave him a pained smile, doing your best to hold it together despite the chill creeping through your towel.

Leaning against the doorframe, he gave you a look that said he was mildly bothered by your situation. "I’ll call the landlord, but knowing Mr. Kang, he’s probably gonna pick up in the morning." He paused, then added, “Wanna borrow some clothes or something? You’re gonna freeze out here."

Before you could respond, he vanished inside his apartment. A few moments later, he reappeared with a pair of gray sweatpants and a hoodie, phone pressed to his ear.

"He’s not answering, but I texted him. Hopefully, he’ll see it when he wakes up. They should be able to send someone as early as 6 am.”

As soon as you had the clothes in hand, you quickly threw on the hoodie. It was so big, it reached your knees, so you skipped the pants altogether. It smelled so good you wonder what laudry detergent he used. Meanwhile, he was still fiddling with his phone, his eyes focused on the screen.

“You have no one to call?” he asked, clearly trying to come up with a plan to help.

You didn’t have anyone to call. Your friends and family were either overseas, or hours away, but you didn’t want to get into that. So instead of answering him, you decided to with your genius idea and ask the question that had been floating in your mind.

“I haven’t asked for your name. I’m YN,” you said, offering an awkward smile.

“Jungkook,” he replied, his attention still on his phone.

“Jungkook,” you repeated, testing the name on your tongue. Then, with a serious face, you asked him, “Jungkook, would you be able to help me if I asked you to break my door down?”

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 stars

"Alright, let's do it," he said, cracking his knuckles.

Jungkook was game. No hesitation. When you casually suggested the idea of him breaking down your door, he didn’t even blink. Like he was waiting for you to say it.

He popped his phone into his pocket and strolled over to the door like he did this sort of thing on the regular.

You blinked. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah,” he replied, smirking like this was the most casual thing to do. "If you want the door broken, we’ll break the door. Let’s keep it quick, though. We don’t want to wake the neighbors.”

“Alright, door’s all yours,” you said, stepping aside and plopping down on the floor.

Jungkook was already squatting by the door, eyeing the lock with way too much focus. You, on the other hand, were sitting there, happily devouring your cold burrito.

He took a step back, raised his shoulder, and rammed into the door.

It only took one, or maybe two, solid hits before you heard the satisfying crack of the door frame giving way. The door literally flew open, and you casually took another bite of your burrito.

He stood there, hands on his hips, clearly proud of himself. "Easy peasy, lemon squeezy." He glanced at you, asking, “You good?”

You gave him a thumbs-up, chewing slowly. “Yeah, excellent work. Five stars. Thank you.”

With a grin, he answered you with a thumbs-up and said, "Welcome to the neighborhood," before heading back to his apartment.

You strolled into your now wide-open apartment, finishing off your burrito.

That night, you used some boxes to keep the door “locked.”

The next morning, you opened the door to find your landlord standing there with a toolbox. He blinked at the door, taking in the wreckage.

You shrugged. “Sorry. Had no choice. Next door helped me out.”

He scratched his head before getting to work on the lock. When he finished, he gave you a pointed look. “Just… try not to have any more emergencies with the door, okay?”

You smiled. “I’ll try my best.”

🎧thin walls

You started to settle into your new place. There were still a few pieces of furniture you hadn’t assembled yet, but it was starting to look homey and feel cozy. You adjusted to juggling school and work, finishing the classes you postponed last year to finally graduate.

But every time you remember your first night, you wince.

Almost naked, dirt all over you, lying on the floor like you’re auditioning for a disaster movie… like what the hell.

Embarrassing. Okay, fine, the burrito part was kinda fun, especially when he casually broke down the door…

You even reenacted the part where you were lying on the floor, just to see how ridiculous you looked.

The incident kept replaying in your head, and the more you thought about it, the worse it seemed.

You couldn’t shake how embarrassing it was.

You were thankful to Jungkook, sure. He basically saved you, like some kind of real-life Spider-Man, but why, instead of just thanking him like a normal person, are you avoiding him?

You’ve been dodging him for weeks now, and every time you even think about it, you feel like sinking with the floor.

And because you had been avoiding him, you became familiar with your next-door neighbor’s usual activities—what time he left for work, when he normally came home, whether he had visitors over…

Sometimes he’d have friends over. You assumed they were playing and/or drinking because of the cheers, banter, and sometimes you’d hear them wrestling (?), based on the violent slaps or panicked “ouch, ouch, I’m sorry, please put me down, Jungkookaaa!!!”

You knew he had the same friend group because you had already recognized them by their distinct laughs. There’s the windshield laugh, and then there’s the one with the high-pitched, sharp, hysterical laugh that’s always accompanied by clapping.

Thin walls.

They could be pretty loud, but they usually wrapped up before around 11 pm.

One night, when you had to wake up early for class the next day, you were kept awake by a girl’s high-pitched, giggly voice.

“Oh my god, Jungkook, stopppp,” she squealed, clearly not wanting him to stop at all.

Then came the sounds you really didn’t need to hear—the soft creak of a mattress, her breathy moans, and a muffled, “Fuck, you’re so good,” that made your stomach churn.

You groaned, stuffing a pillow over your head. “Fucking hell!”

This continued until dawn.

The next night, it happened again. Different girl, same obnoxious volume. This one was louder, theatrical, like she was auditioning for something.

“Jungkook!” she gasped, her voice echoing through the walls. “Right there, oh my god—”

You shoved your headphones in, blasted “Deep Layered Brown Noise,” and flipped a middle finger at the wall separating your rooms.

This kept happening for two weeks! TWO WEEKS!!! You were so done. Angry and ready to lash out, you thought, God, give me a break!!!

🍊tangerines

You were never the confrontational type. You were more of the passive-aggressive girlie... until you exploded.

So instead of confronting him, you carried on avoiding him. That was until you ran into him on the stairs, arms loaded with groceries in two paper bags.

“You need help?” he asked.

“Nope, I’ve got it,” you lied, seconds before one of the bags tore, and your tangerines scattered across the floor, some rolling down the staircase.

Jungkook sighed, shaking his head. “You good?”

“Totally. Love chasing fruit in public,” you deadpanned, scrambling to collect the scattered tangerines.

He helped anyway, gathering what he could into his hands. “Here.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled, avoiding his eyes. You spotted a few tangerines still rolling down the stairs but decided it was fine. You could survive being vitamin C deficient.

“You’re still getting used to this ‘living alone’ thing, huh?” he said, amused.

“Yeah, well, I’ll never get used to having loud neighbors,” you shot back, surprising even yourself.

He froze, just as surprised as you. After a moment of thought, he bit his bottom lip and turned to you. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you could hear.”

“Well, now you know. Thin walls. Thin fucking walls,” you snapped, your weeks’ worth of irritation spilling over before you stormed off to your apartment.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at your door. You opened it to find Jungkook holding the remaining tangerines he’d picked up from the stairs.

You could tell he was about to say something—his mouth opened slightly—but you snatched the fruits, avoided his gaze, and quickly muttered, “Thanks,” before shutting the door.

📦 what's in the box?

You were just about to shut down from exhaustion as you reached your door after your late-night shift when you noticed a package sitting by your door.

A brown box.

Thinking it was just one of the things you’d ordered, you picked it up and fiddled with your keys to get inside.

But just as you held the knob, the door to your neighbor’s apartment opened. You panicked, your hand hastily sliding the keys in.

Oops. You'd already locked eyes with Jungkook.

He was standing there, grinning like a devil…

What’s he up to now?

In his hand is also a brown box, and based on the way it was crinkling at the top, it looked like it had already been opened, and you could see pink ruffles peeking through.

He strolled over to you, extending the box, and casually said, “There’s been a mix-up. This was delivered to me. I opened it thinking it was mine since I was expecting a package today, and it didn’t have a name on it, just the unit number. Sorry if I missed that.”

“Uh... okay?” you muttered, still not fully processing what was going on.

“I believe that is mine,” he smiled, casually gesturing to the box you were holding.

“Oh, okay,” you muttered, quickly swapping boxes with him. But the moment your fingers wrapped around your box and your eyes landed on the contents inside, your jaw dropped.

The entire box was full of pink toys—pink dildos, pink handcuffs, a penis-shaped headband, a pink gag, and… was that a penis-shaped stress ball? Who even invents this stuff? Genius! But oh my god.

You checked the box for any details, but nope—no name, just your unit number and address.

“It’s for my friend,” you blurted defensively, but your voice trailed off as the absurdity of explaining yourself hit you. Why are you explaining?

“Sure it is.”

You didn’t have to look at Jungkook to know his grin was now a full-on, teeth-baring smile. You could feel it.

Without saying another word, you quickly turned your back on him and hurriedly unlocked your door.

Once inside, you grabbed your phone, and angrily dialed the number for the suspect—

“Heyyy!” came the cheerful voice of Hwasa on the other end.

“Hwasa, I swear to God!” you started, feeling the panic rise in your chest. “Why did you send bridal party package to my new apartment?? We all agreed to send it to you!! Oh my God, my neighbor opened it, because our package got mixed up! He saw all those freakin dildos! Also, why didn’t they put a name on it?!”

“Girl, calm down! Why you panicking like this?” Hwasa said, her voice as chill as a cucumber. “First of all, I didn’t order it. It was Jen! Or was it Stace? Whatever! And it’s a discreet store, so they don’t slap your name on the box.”

“Make sure to fix this, okay?” you said, voice high-pitched with stress. “Send all orders to YOU from now on! I’m going to die of embarrassment here!”

“Oh my God, chill out! Why you so pressed about this neighbor seeing your fun box? What’s the deal, huh?” Hwasa teased, a mischievous grin in her voice. “Wait—hold up, is he cute? Is that why you’re shy shy?”

“I’ll tell you everything at the party, okay?” you huffed, trying to shake off the embarrassment. Then, you switched gears, like the best bridesmaids you are. “But seriously, we need to make sure Aera doesn’t suspect anything about her bridal shower, okay?”

🎯 mission: possible

Avoiding Jungkook became a serious mission. You had your reasons—perfectly rational reasons, mind you. It wasn’t like you were being dramatic or anything. It was just reason upon reason stacking up like a Jenga tower, each one reminding you why you needed to stay away from him and make sure nothing else added to the pile.

But humor me, you silently asked the universe: why did every encounter with him have to be either embarrassing or irritating?

Fortunately, you knew his schedule by now (thanks to the thin walls, but screw you still): he left just as you were getting up for school, and by the time you came home after work, it was late enough that he was probably already asleep.

No run-ins, no more awkward exchanges.

For three glorious weeks, your plan worked. You didn’t see him. Not once. It was bliss.

Lofi hip hop radio chill.

Jungkook-free, stress-free.

Perfect.

☕️ perfect!

It was one of those days that felt like it had lasted a year. Work was… well, work was always exhausting, your studies were an endless grind of beating deadlines and exams and lectures, and everything was going wrong. You got home, drained, and just wanted to curl up with a giant cup of coffee to prepare for your next round of studying.

But of course, your coffee maker had decided to just... stop working. Or something. And you had run out of instant coffee. Perfect.

You stood there, staring at it, willing it to work, until you finally snapped.

“Are you seriously kidding me?!” you screamed at the broken appliance, as though it would suddenly decide to come to life and apologize.

Frustrated, you suddenly craved some fresh air, so you grabbed your trash, decided to throw it out—along with the useless coffee maker—and unleashed your anger on the dumpster.

But frustration quickly morphed into full-blown rage, and for a moment, you felt like you wanted to fight someone. You were so angry that tears pricked at your eyes, as though crying was the only way to release it. But you wouldn’t.

So, instead, you kicked the garbage can. Only to hit your toes, causing you to squat in pain, while still hugging the coffee maker.

Now you were laughing, because the universe clearly hated you. Yes, definitely Mercury in retrograde. Nothing was fucking working!!!

And then, you heard footsteps approaching. You turned, and—of course—it was Jungkook.

Of all the days.

He gave you a concerned look. “You… okay?” he asked, tossing his trash into the large green bin.

“I’m fine. Just… you know, enjoying the ambiance. Haven’t really explored this part of the building.”

He stared at you, clearly not buying it. “Right. Well, if you need anything... I’m just next door.”

You gave him a tight smile and nodded, because, hey, if he didn’t see you having a full-on mental breakdown, it didn’t happen, right?

He didn’t see it, right?

🍬 easy fix

The next morning, you woke up with a headache, and an overwhelming sense of dread, bracing yourself for another long day. You got ready, but as you stepped out of your door, you froze.

There, sitting neatly beside it, was your coffee maker. Placed in a box, looking all shiny and clean.

And taped to it was a note, written in neat, handwritten scrawl: “It was an easy fix – JK.”

You blinked at it for a solid thirty seconds. What the hell?

You picked up the coffee maker and set it back where it belonged, plugged it in, and saw the ON button light up. You stood there, clutching your chest, staring at the note.

Jungkook had fixed your coffee maker. Just like that. He never had to, but he did. Out of the kindness of his heart?

This was... sweet? Too sweet?

And now, you were feeling things—things you weren't supposed to feel. Things like gratitude mixed with an embarrassing amount of attraction.

Listen... don’t judge, okay? If you’re a child who grew up with busy parents, barely seeing them, and left to tend to yourself, acts of service like this are dangerous.

Because they make you feel important. And loved. And other things you’d rather not name because it’s better that way.

But, you’re feeling things.

And it's making you uncomfortable.

Next ->

a/n: lmk in the comments if you want to be added to the taglist. I’d appreciate it if you let me know what you think! <3 Thank you and happy holidays if you’re celebrating! :)

-🐙

[yayasvalveplay]

(I've been encountering some very... kink awakening fics and artworks lately so sharing an idea born from all the horny in my brain rn.)

The non-cogged aren't just created for mining. There's plenty of other work to do that needs dedicated workers. And that includes the red-light district. (Or maybe it would be the blue light district because energon is blue here 🤔) But it would be so cruel to make actual mechs do that. But don't worry, these buymechs aren't like the other cogless! They're just really advanced drones. They're not real people. It's okay to do whatever you want with them.

Cut to Orion Pax. He's been told since he's onlined that he's not a real person. Had this lesson seared into his processor by thousands of roving servos. Treated as an object that's put away after use into a tomb of a recharge station that makes miners recharge slabs look like a luxury. The only thing that makes his life bearable is the datapad he squirreled away after a customer left it behind. He's been using it to teach himself how to read and through it he learns there's other jobs a cogless mech like himself could do. If he can just get rid of the identifying carvings in his armor that mark him as a "drone" he'd be able to get away from here. And he's ready to go to any length to do that.

While working the least favorite miners shift of moving scrap from place to place, D-16 comes across what he's sure is the scene of an assault and battery or some other horrible crime. There's a blue and red mech in the alley with a frame riddled with scratches and slashes, some so deep they're even leaking energon. (Orion had to make sure not a mark of his buymech status remained) Obviously he takes the mech to the barrack doctor. During the treatment the doctor find that this mystery mech is no where in their systems. At all. Which is incredibly weird and concerning. It's not a problem they've ever encountered before. While they try to figure this out, D-16 please watch over this guy for a bit? He seems to have some processor damage with how weird he is though...

Idk, just the idea of an Orion imprinting on D and it being a weird and complex thing because his only method of interaction with others before has been through transactional interface and he's now interacting with this guy who was so repressed at the beginning of the film... plus the constant fear that the friends he's making will find out he's "not a real mech". Sorry I'm writing this late at night so this probably makes no sense, but I hope I'm at least communicating The Vibe.

No I think I understand what you are getting at.

Orion has known nothing bit intimate touch so to have someone not want that and instead just want to be his friend. It's a learning curve. And hrs trying so hard to be a normal mech and learn how to be normal.

It's hard. It's really really hard. And if he makes a wrong move they'll bring him back to become a shareware again. He does not want that. So he's trying. And for trying Dee thinks that's there's something wrong with him. But being miners they can't help out in getting him fixed, just help him by figuring out his ticks.

[txttletale]

In what ways does undertale's themes drop the ball? I feel like they do as well, but I only really see the criticisms you mentioned in your post by the online fandom at large.

the sans fight is cool and fun and has a sick music track. it should have fucking sucked it should have been literally on the same level as the stanley parable baby game. it should have been impossible without an autoclicker and been super fucking tedious with one. it should have been desert bus.

like i don't think that what undertale is every trying to say is 'killing video game characters is morally wrong in real life'. i think it's clearly, in chara and flowey--who are obviously positioned as Players of video games--is trying to explore what (at least to toby fox) is an unhealthy and unsatisfying way of playing games. the need to maximize the amount of 'content', the need to experience everything in a game even when it's not fun anymore. i think the way that flowey talks makes this very clear:

like obviously diegetically this kind of stuff is meant to go towards making a point of how detached flowey is from his moral reality but i think non-diegetically this is pretty clearly speaking to a way of engaging with games that toby fox thinks sucks the fun out of them. flowey isn't connected to the contents of undertale because he didn't play it for fun, he played it to extract the maximum amount of Content, to see every possible combination of events, to get all the endings, etc.

the rest of no mercy route isn't fun. killing enemies once you've levelled up at all is boring and barely interactive, walking around in circles to spawn every single random encounter is boring, you miss out on substantial amounts of content--the humour and dialogue, etc. and that's the point! i don't think the intended emotional effect of the empty misery of the no mercy route is to make you think 'i'm a bad person for killing video game characters' it's to make you think 'is this even fun? what am i even getting out of this?' or in short--

unfortunatley i think the sans fight being very cool and becoming iconic of the game kind of fumbles that very very hard becaues it does make the murder everybody route ultimately rewarding--it gives players the Content that i feel like the entire writing and metanarrative of the game is setting up to not exist, and so i think it absolutely fails to stick the landing.

[bitchy-craft]

Your First Date With Your Future Spouse | Pick A Pile

Hello and welcome to this Pick A Pile! In here you'll find out how your first date with your future spouse will go. I hope you guys enjoy and find this useful. Do make sure to leave comments down below on your experience! I do want to remind you all that this is a General Pick A Pile which means this is for a lot of people; therefore keep what resonates and leave what doesn't.

Masterlist > Free Tarot Game

Pick A Pile!

Pile 1:

Your first date will be by an unexpected encounter. Imagine two strangers meeting by chance in a coffee shop where they then start talking about whatever and slowly grow a connection from there. Two strangers who immediately are drawn to each other on the first date, the first meeting.

This obviously doesn't have to be in a coffee shop; randomly meeting in a club, library, school, street, can also be the case. Either way, your future spouse will come to you as a surprise.

Pile 2:

You're first date with your future spouse will be something like a blind date. Two friends who both know people who are single set up whatever it is to let the two get to know one another, and surprisingly after making awkward conversation it turns out the two have quite a few things in common and continue getting to know one another as the time progresses, in the end becoming a couple to no one's surprise.

Pile 3:

This pile will have a first date with their future spouse after having online contact for a while. You two will have talked for weeks, months, if not years online when finally you guys meet. And yet, after having spend all those hours online with one another, the moment you guys meet as a date will be really awkward, scared what the other might think, scared the connection might not be translating to real-life chemistry. But everything will turn great once the ice has been broken, and an amazing relationship will then soon come to light.

Pile 4:

Your first date with your future spouse will be by some kind of reunion. After not having seen one another in years, remembering each other as old friends, classmates etc. You guys will meet in a group and quickly be drawn to one another. A connection will quickly be made as you two talk about the past and how life went for the both of you, and all the things you still plan on doing, and at the end of the night it will see. like the two old friends will grow something more than just a friendship.

[reorientation]

I'm ftm and I've been on HRT for 5 years, had top surgery and I generally pass really well. My passport says I'm male, too. But until very recently, I never even saw a real cock in person, despite being a fairly horny person - I've only had sex with two people, both afab and transmasc as well. Ironically, I was the dom-ish one in both of these relationships, too.

But... I kept spending a lot of time online browsing through humiliation and misgendering porn. Reddit, tumblr, all that stuff. I kept fantasizing about being used like that. The rougher the better. I've got so many fantasies about it.

It took me a long time to finally install grindr. First, I chickened out and uninstalled it. And then installed again. Uninstalled. Installed.

And one night, around midnight, I started writing with someone. He lived 5 minutes from me. Told me I could come for a quick discreet fuck, just that, like I'm a fleshlight. And... I did. I went out, came to his house, got bent over and for maybe 8 minutes, he fucked my pussy, groped my ass and made me feel like a toy.

I loved it.

I didn't even get to cum, obviously. He didn't even ask for my name until afterwards. And then I told him to hit me up if he ever needs to unload again. It was my first cock ever, first one I've seen and first one I've let inside my most private parts, and the first cock even saw me as a fleshlight because that's how I advertised myself.

I kept grindr on my phone after that. I'm not using it too much, but it's there, waiting for me. And I did have a few more encounters after this one. I guess it awoken the slut inside me...

While this first guy used a condom, I was quick to find a second one. And I was so horny that I let him cum inside me (he even took some pics). I'm not on any contraception apart from T, which isn't contraception, and I'm scared like hell of getting pregnant. So afterwards, I had an awkward pharmacy talk, because I came in and said 'I need emergency contraception', they asked if it's for me, they stared at me and said 'it's for females'. I didn't sleep at all this night (because he was too busy with my body...) and I stood there like a dumb bitch for a few seconds while the guy (he came with me) said 'he's female' and that unlocked something in my brain and I said I'm trans.

Today, I might get fucked raw by another guy again. I had enough brains to get on birth control after that awkward pharmacy talk but apparently not enough brains to stop offering my cunt to strangers...

Oh also it's the ftm who just send you a long ask about fucking people from grindr and having an awkward pharmacy talk and possibly fucking another stranger tonight, I thought I should add some kind of name so you know who I am so uhmmm I guess my deadname would be a good fit and knowing you know it along with the fact that I'm offering my pussy to strangers will be kinda hot. So hi, I'm Alice uhh, and nobody used this name for me in years...

🎵One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small 🎵

Except for you, Alice, I suppose it's "keeps you small" - without that little pill, you might already be swelling. 🖤

Sometimes things happen very fast, don't they? You hadn't even seen a cock in real life, for all those years, and then just a few days after you sent your first Grindr message, you were out in public listening to the man who'd just fucked his cum into you tell a stranger that you're female.

How did it feel to have them looking at you, Alice? To feel their eyes on you and realize that they knew you had a fresh load of cum inside your pussy. To realize that after all your efforts to pass, you still ended up having to admit that you have a fertile womb, and that a real man had put his seed into it.

It felt good, didn't it? Being a cumdump, and having them know it. Being humiliated in public because you'd been so desperate to give your pussy to a stranger. Having them see right through your identity to the needy little cunt underneath.

But maybe they're not seeing through anything. You've been dreaming of "misgendering" and letting men use you as a fleshlight without even asking your name. Maybe this is your new identity - not a man, just a needy little cunt.

[birdofmay]

Hi! If you don’t mind me asking, what are some ways that we can help support higher level/support needs autistic in real life? Like not just online and stuff like real policies that we can change and everything out in the Real World

That highly varies from person to person because everyone is different with very individual ways of how the needs have to be met.

Obviously the first point would be "If they can tell you what they need themselves, listen to them first." Apart from that, here are some possible things that can apply to some, but not to everyone:

speak slower or don't give too much information at once, some of us need time to process everything (unless we tell you that we don't need you to do that. As I said, it varies)

repeat important words of what you just said. This, too, is for processing everything

it's possible that we misunderstand you completely without realising it. Regularly check if we got what you said right to avoid misunderstandings.

make us aware of changes in advance and give us enough transition time. For literally everything, even if it seems absolutely small and unimportant to you. Some of us need step by step instructions to manage transitions. Every transition has the potential to cause a meltdown or badly overstimulate us

keep in mind that many of us can't tell you what our sensory triggers are, or that we're not aware that we're overstimulated until it's too much and we suddenly apparently "overreact" out of the blue. Learn to recognise possible triggers and make sure that we don't encounter them

make sure that there are enough breaks after a situation that has the potential to overstimulate us. We may not feel the need for a break, but it really is important. Make sure that we actively do things to relax/calm down, just sitting in a quiet room isn't enough. What helps varies from person to person. Some prefer music, some rhythmic activities, some swinging, some pressure/weighted things, some a massage with a spiky ball

some of us don't know what to do or where to start when it comes to easy multi-step tasks. If we can't find something, for example, and you tell us "It must be here in this room. Just look for it." we will stand there confused without knowing what to do. Better: "Lift the blanket. Is it there? No. Ok, then open the wardrobe.", etc.

try to always assume the best and take things in good faith. Level 3 means struggling greatly to communicate and to understand what's being communicated by the other person. "Just tell me" doesn't work here, very often we're not even aware that we want something to change or that we have the ability to communicate.

my parents have "yes no" cards with them in case I don't respond when they ask me something. That's when I'm not aware that I have to respond, how to respond, or that they can't read my mind. It helps me to respond without having to think how I want to respond.

always check if we're comfortable with you helping us with something. If we can speak, ask us if we need your help (but stay there just in case if we tell you no), if we can't, observe if we seem stressed or otherwise uncomfortable or angry. It happens often that carers "help" us with BADLs at a time when we don't want to do them because, for example, it's off routine. Even if you've always done it that way with us and it always was ok, it's always possible that suddenly we don't consent for whatever reason. Your routine isn't our routine.

This is what I can think of so far.

[beatingdrumspouringwine]

Words from the Gods

Communication with the Gods is daunting. There's something about the many ways by which it can happen, the strange ways by which it can happen, and also how it is seen online versus real life, all of which can lead to confusion and a bit of dismay. I remembered reading a lot of stories about people's encounters with the Gods, which seemed to be these casual conversations, like those you would have with friends. I definitely wasn't getting those kinds of communications, and had a lot of worry that I was doing things Wrong, Somehow. There was definitely some time where my worship was based more towards "man, I hope this God/Goddess gets me some cool experiences I could share with my friends!" instead of wanting to focus on building a relationship with the Deity Themselves.

Over the years, I've grown better at understanding and picking out communications from the Gods. Obviously, I'm not an expert on it, and I wouldn't claim to be. However, I'm starting this series (words from the Gods) to hopefully help with explaining the different ways that I have encountered the Gods (mostly Dionysos), and how they impacted me, as well as how to discern these communications. As the old saying goes, your mileage may vary, but I do hope that this will help people in their worship!

I can't quite say when the first post comes out, seeing as I'm swinging terrifyingly close to finals, graduation, and the Great Adult Life that lies beyond college. But, I'll try my best to keep it going and updated!

edited this to remove the line markers that i sometimes use to mark how much i've written lol, my ADHD needs some fun little thing to keep me writing

[my-castles-crumbling]

I don’t know why, but I struggle with using they/them pronouns for people. English isn’t my native language, so it’s not like I grew up using it only in plural and the whole they/them is only plural is complete bullshit anyway.

I don’t care if someone is trans or not, it’s none of my business anyway, and all I want is to make people feel respected.

So I don’t understand what my issue is. Maybe it’s that I’ve never met anyone that I knew was trans in real life. I’ve never had to use they/them pronouns for anyone because English isn’t my native language. Gender neutral pronouns don’t really exist in my language.

Every time I see someone who uses they/them pronouns on the internet I will immediately misgender them in my head. I hate it. Even if they don’t know that I do, I want to do it right.

Every time I find out someone is trans, even if I couldn’t tell before, I will randomly misgender them in multiple head every once in a while.

It makes me feel like shit to be honest. Like I’m no better than a transphobe, which I do not want to be.

Hell, I’m questioning my own gender identity, but I can’t even get other people’s pronouns right.

Do you have any idea how to fix this? I do not want to misgender anyone, especially when I eventually encounter a trans person and they hear me misgender them. I think that would be my worst nightmare.

Hi!

Honestly, it sounds like you need to practice. If you've been brought up with a language that only has she and he and you haven't met any trans people irl, you haven't had a lot of exposure. And that's not your fault. it sounds like you have the best intentions, so practice! If you meet a trans person online or irl and you find yourself misgendering them, every time you do, repeat their actual pronouns out loud or in your head a few times. Obviously not like...in front of a crowd, but you get the idea. It's about building a new habit and learning new ways of thinking, you know? Try it with me, if you want! i use they/them pronouns, so try referring to me as they/them a bunch of times.

Wishing you luck!

[frogoru]

i think i've been able to stay relatively calm about my faith as of recently (i had a small freak out period a little while back about homosexuality but i've mostly gotten over it) but i keep finding myself wondering about what's going to happen to me if everything i'm continuing to indulge in is like... actually a sin. i like to cherry pick the bible and i know that's frowned upon but i don't think i could live under those kind of restrictions, and i've been doing well and content in doing so but what if?? what if.

i keep finding it difficult to call myself a christian since whenever i do it, i feel ashamed because the whole point of being one is that you're supposed to base your life around christ's teachings... which i am clearly not doing!! homosexuality is the main thing i struggle with stressing out about but lust in general is a huge one and all the other temptations that people deal with on the daily and although i limit myself a healthy amount i don't really acknowledge it as me sinning usually because i have a "this is normal" mindset but what if this is all going to contribute to me being turned away and eternally damned.

i don't think i can fully grasp the concept of being damned to hell. when i was little i was scared of going there but for a majority of my life i've been in a state of spiritual decline and now that i'm catching up on everything again i feel like the time i spent not worrying about it is all pouring onto me now and it's so!! man!! so many things in scripture don't make sense to me and i hate that they don't make sense because if i want to be a believer, then i need to... like... BELIEVE, but it's so hard. i'm so jealous of people who are easily accepting of it because I WANT THAT i want that unwavering faith. i want that sense of security. i want to be able to believe that God loves and wants what's best for me but i don't and i hate it.

i liked to imagine that the things that bother me about the bible were added in by people wanting to corrupt it but if each translation basically gets at the same thing then i'm pretty sure i'm wrong about that. i try to dance around how a large part of myself is seen as immoral and an abomination to the religion i try to put my faith in but i keep encountering instances where it's hammered into my mind and i hate it so much. i hate that something so beautiful can be seen as wrong in the eyes of an all-loving god. i don't understand how god is all-loving when he's allowed so much pain and suffering to overtake the world and i don't understand why he can't just change things himself if he's the creator of everything. that's so blasphemous to say but that belief is so hard to go by with just your faith as your guide.

it makes me so upset to know that no matter how good of a person i try to be, it just isn't enough to gain salvation on my own. i love jesus as anyone else would but the notion of having to submit and obey a set of rules in order to have eternal life and not go through an eternity of suffering after i die makes me feel odd and i wish it didn't. it feels so constraining in a bad way and i wish it didn't!! i had to read an article a while ago about how god's love is supposed to feel constraining and i was like wow this is so sick and awesome what a cool way to put it but when i actually think about how i would apply that to my life it feels... CONSTRAINING OBVIOUSLY!! because so many of my interests and things that make me human are based around sin

i'm going out of my way to continue sinning and i probably won't stop anytime soon. it's so hard. i used to be so proud and happy in my attraction to women but now it feels like such a sensitive topic that i need to keep secret or else the people i know and admire in my personal life will judge and pity me. i'm so anxious about them finding my online presence and realizing how fucking weird i am because a handful of people i know in real life regard me very positively and i'm so terrified of having that image shattered.

i'm going to continue acknowledging that god loves me despite the things i surround myself with and indulge in. i feel so pathetic talking about this kind of thing because on one hand i don't want my religious friends to know because ermmm jazzy why are you rebelling against god knowingly?? not good not good. i hate the thought of being judged for this

[acegiak]

Ok but the thing about The Matrix, though, is that when it was released we all knew it was a fuckin Gospel allegory, like it was so obvious as to be on the nose. And like yeah basically any heroes journey can be interpreted as the gospel but for real: Neo is The One(it's an anagram lol), who was prophesied, Trinity/The Holy Spirit leads him to Morpheus/John The Baptist who baptises/frees him (the imagery of the mirror like liquid covering and entering neo and then his emergence from the pod is absolutely a baptism) and then Morpheus/John declares him to be The One that was prophesied. This frees him from his identity as Thomas Anderson (Thomas because he was doubting, Anderson because Son Of Man is mortal also flawed) and allowing him to become Neo, who will lead everyone from the flawed world into the world of the truth(kingdom of God). First thing after this revelation he has to go be weak for a while but then gains a bunch of disciples and learns how to do miracles and then Cypher/Judas betrays everyone for earthly pleasures which lead to a confrontation where Agent Smith(Satan, obvs but also his numberplate in the second film is IS5416 for Isiah 54:16) defeats Neo and he dies but then is resurrected because of his connection to Trinity/The Holy Spirit (seriously TRINITY??) which defeats Smith/Satan and empowers Neo/Jesus to spread the truth to everyone in the whole world moving forward.

But ALSO it's clearly, in hindsight, a trans allegory, again so clearly as to be on the nose. The first thing on screen is "call trans opt: received". Neo is obviously miserable with his life and place in society and knows something is up but doesn't know what, has been experimenting with an alternate identity online. Gets an invitation to go to a club and encounters alternative people and one confirms that something IS up. The forces of the system and his own doubt (Thomas) try to keep Neo in his current role, ignorance and the closet, using the name Mr Anderson (mister son of man) repeatedly in a torture scene where he doesn't have access to words to speak his truth. A direct encounter with someone who has already been down the path and now lives in their own truth, and offers the opportunity to discover ones own truth by taking a red pill (the color of premarin pills, a common estrogen HRT medication). Neo then undergoes a physical transformation from the pill and must then relearn how to exist but in doing so becomes more powerful than ever. In this new form Neo still has to battle against the old world and its systems which have become more violent and still continue to try to cast Neo back into the identity of Mr Anderson but it is self confidence in the the truth that enables Neo to be victorious. Also being trans gives you could kungfu super powers.

SO

You know where I'm going.

TRANSitive property of allegory...

Is the Gospel a trans allegory?

Jesus Of Nazareth is born with an innate identity that is hidden for years by his parents for fear of government persecution but there are signs of this true identity all throughout childhood. When Jesus meets someone with access to the truth he becomes fully aware of the truth of his own identity. He then has to go endure a period of suffering and temptation to abandon the path of truth, but eventually emerges enlightened as his true self. That true self is then a symbol that inherently reveals the falsehoods of the social constructs underpinning the society around him and those who rely on those constructs to hold power and status over others become enraged by this undermining and weaponise the tools of the state against the body of the transgressive person.

I'm not saying that Jesus was trans, of course. I'm saying the story of Jesus is actually an allegorical myth to reveal that trans people and trans bodies are holy and sacred and should be honored for the truth they reveal to us.

[sunscreenstudies]

Iconic Things My Coding Professors Have Said (Part 12)

"real data is always messier than data you get in textbooks, but thats true about real life and fiction books too"

Prof: "does any group want to go first? no? anyone?"    Student: "we dont care"   Prof: "oh... okay… does any group care?"

"this is very common, uh, draco and harry slash fiction. does anyone know what the slash means? no? really? that’s alright, i bet you do but i won't embarass you by making anyone say it, so i'll say it instead. Draco and harry have a lot of gay sex... that's not something i ever thought i'd say as a professor to a room full of students in a professional, academic environment, but this is where we are"

"This model requried a lot of input from a lot of people, and, as you probably know, people suck"

"but for what? i mean i know that they want to make a lot of money, and they don't really care who's exploited to make a profit, but i doubt they want to destroy the world… not yet, anyway"

"we asked for ages for this company to make their book open source but they always kept refusing us… and now they're not around anymore. But no hard feelings"

"of course, if you say you're investing time in something, you're not literally investing anything material. Humans understand this, but stupid computers do not"

Prof: "Wait, why is marie kondo listed as fiction?"   Student: "so's the bible"   Prof: "oh boy, let's not get into THAT"

"I absolutely adore this book, so if you're expecting any sort of objectivity from me… uh, yeah, you're not gonna get it"

"i won't be able to explain it in five mintues, but if you do ever have some time… probably not until after this entire masters course, but if you do ever have some time-"

"one character who dramatically loses popularity in fanfiction, is, of course, hagrid, which is probably because he isn't suitable for a sexual encounter with another character, gay or otherwise"

"journalist texts use registers other than those used in text messages or emails or even letters, if you remember what those are, or snapchats or instabooks-"

"As for the others, we expect you to actually collaborate with each other - and yes, i know, we're computer scientists so that sounds horrible, but just deal with it"

Prof1: "how many of you have reviewed a book online? One? Two? Two people. Anyone else?"   Prof2: "I wrote a few fake reviews online for my own books, if that counts"

"For this evaluation we need to use humans, and as you know, humans are what? Yes! Too expensive. Not that I've tried to buy one of course - they seem like far too much trouble, to be honest"

"It's only advantage is that it doesn't need human intervention, such as annotation, and thats good because annotation sucks, as we all know. It’s quite similar to people in that way"

Prof: "This book only became popular because the author was a celebrity, so thats why i think this book is there"   Student: "but what about ‘Great Expectations’? by Charles Dickens?"   Prof: "well�� i mean he's not an internet celebrity"

"you can see that the centrality of harry has dropped but draco has increased, because in fanfiction, draco is a very common character because of, obviously, the afformented gay sex"

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

[wri0thesley]

ahh i wanna get into lolita fashion bc it looks so cute and pretty but im worried abt the stigma around it bc of l*lis 😭 theyre not related at all but i feel like ppl try to group them together :(( i just wanna dress up ...

i have literally never ever encountered someone irl who has equated the two, honestly. i haven’t encountered anyone in online spaces who does either but that might be due to the spaces i frequent!! i think that the style is so obviously historically influenced that unless you say the name out loud nobody thinks of it the way they might for, say, nanchatte wearers. there’s some debate about where the name came from but the most common explanation is merely that japanese people naming the style thought “lolita” was a cute-sounding word!!!

i get occasional weirdos in real life who think it’s fetish wear but really not very often; most people just think you’re in a play or going to a party!!!

[cumaeansibyl]

hey, bat.

couple weeks ago I went to a goth club and it was amazing. I didn't know like 90% of the songs and I sweated all my makeup off and everyone was incredibly nice and I felt wretched the next morning but the pure joy of dancing was so, so worth it. tomorrow night I'm gonna go to a punk show and I'm also not gonna know like 90% of the songs and I don't know if I should even bother with makeup because my body chemistry defeats all setting sprays, but it's also gonna be amazing.

and I'm sad because I know you used to go to this kind of shit all the time and have so much fun and we'll never get to do that together. and also because I spent so much time scared inside my house that I missed out on a lot of really great experiences I could've been having by myself.

now there's an argument to be made that it's probably for the best I wasn't at the club while I was actively drinking because that's a good way to encounter all sorts of situations but I still spent like... over a decade being sober and scared at home before I managed to get myself out there and start meeting my people in real life. and obviously, obviously I am the world's foremost proponent of online friendships -- god I miss you -- but there's something about being with your people that I am only now starting to understand.

I think I learned everything I know about being brave from you. I know I learned everything I know about loving myself from you. the pain was worth it but I'm still angry at the price. I hope you only feel the happiness you gave me and all of us, not the pain, no pain ever again.

[nprescott]

Nathan & Sex cw: sexuality, sexual abuse,

So I briefly went into Nathan's sexuality before. But I wanted to go into it a little bit more. Note: some of this diverges depending on rp partners, namely Nathan's relationship to Rachel Amber (as well as if anyone rps any of Nathan's family members).

We see a lot of things that imply that Nathan has certain sexual interests. Namely a lot of more bondage-y pictures in his room. I am gonna go into this sort of stuff a little bit, but first I want to start with background information.

Nathan was exposed to sex at a very young age. Namely, his father's rampant abuse of his mother early in his life. This often included demeaning sexual comments. Still, as a child he didn't really understand it that much.

BUT, as a kid who was given things to distract or pacify him, Nathan was given open access to the internet at a young age. By the time Nathan was around 10 or 11 he had seen some pretty messed up stuff online. The only person in his family that tried to intervene was his sister. At the same time, Nathan's father was very homophobic to him due to his less traditionally masculine interests. So Nathan was constantly called slurs for not being the way his dad wanted him to be. He also was exposed to sexual material by his father in an attempt to "prove he's straight". In that way, Nathan was incredibly desensitized to a lot of sexual content when he was fairly young.

Nathan did not have a healthy view of sex at all. He saw it mostly degrading or purely for enjoyment. He didn't even consider it in the context of romance. Maybe in movies and books, but he didn't really think of that beyond art. In his mind, there were two things. Artistic sex and real sex. And the two things were vastly different.

This is a divergent point too for if I am rping with a Rachel or without since I would never impose this on anyone. But by default, Nathan and Rachel had sex at a party. And Nathan already had a crush on her. It was his first real sexual experience and it was incredibly special to him. He acted cool about it but he wasn't at all. He became even more infatuated with Rachel. It was a joining of the two 'versions' of sex Nathan saw. It was the first time he ever even equated sex with romance in that way. And she likely saw it more as a casual hookup. Nathan knew that he shouldn't be as enchanted as he was. But it is a moment in his life that really meant a lot to him.

After Rachel, Nathan has had a few sexual encounters. Usually didn't get that far. But it's happened a few times. Usually when he's drunk out of his mind and trying to forget it all.

Now as for his tastes, Nathan is very much into more bdsm types of stuff. We know he is interested in "darker" things. I do want to say it's more in a porn type of stuff. In actual practice, he is way too inexperienced to really mess around with it. Even more so since his experiences were all spontaneous and drunk/high.

And I want to point out the elephant in the room: The Dark Room. Nathan did not get off to that stuff. At a certain point, closer to their falling out, Nathan reasons that Jefferson IS. He, prior to that, had Nathan wrapped around his finger to the point that he genuinely was able to shoot down any of his concerns.

On the subject on Nathan's bisexuality. It's not something he accepts due to his father's repeated bullying of him for his less masculine traits. When it comes to his type, he hasn't even begun to explore that. He denies it so much that he hasn't even tried to explore it.

As for girls, he doesn't have a defined type. That saying: he isn't that picky. He tends to enjoy girls with strong personalities with a slight preference for "rebels" and "bad girls". But there is also a certain appeal to good girls (like kate and max). Nathan is... Well, a teenage boy. He isn't exactly picky when it comes down to it. After Rachel, he doesn't really want a serious relationship. He is obviously attracted to Kate, Chloe, and debatably Max. They all have wildly different vibes.

Nathan was not like sexually abused in a traditional sense. But he was exposed to it very young by his parents and lack of supervision. Enough that it definitely did SOME damage.