#emotional literacy

[sysmedsaresexist]

Kind reminder

Your emotions are never anything to be ashamed of

They're yours and they're real, even if they're not always appropriate or rational

Take care of yourself and your emotions-- you still deserve to feel better, regardless of why the emotion is there

[solarpunkpresentspodcast]

In this week’s episode, Ariel quizzes guest Dr Tiffany Millacci about emotional literacy. What is this relatively new phrase? How can being emotionally literate help us to navigate difficult conversations, awkward interactions, or even generally just having relationships in the first place? Isn’t all this talk of emotions just a different way for the self-help industry to get us to buy stuff?

Join us for a fascinating conversation about a complex topic - we barely skim the surface! But never fear, Dr Millacci has your back; listen in for some good places to start learning more.

Check out our blog for links! https://solarpunkpresents.com/season-six

Disclaimer: We’re coming from a white, western viewpoint and we recognize the limitations and strictures of that - even within the same cultures and societies (heck, within the same families) emotional expression can vary wildly according to personality, gender, neurodivergence, whatever your social location. This interview necessarily takes broad strokes to begin a conversation about how to better be in community with each other, and it is our hope that we can continue to showcase how this can vary, taking steps towards a solarpunk future where people can disagree - even on important topics like politics and religion - without violence or relationship rupture.

[whatcouldpossiblyhappen]

Spending time around couples who genuinely enjoy each other's company is so refreshing. I hear them raise their voices and some deep part of me braces to prepare for yelling and cruel words. I watch-feel it happening over and over, but turns out they're having fun. Or maybe they're being frustrated and talking about their day, but their partner meets them and holds their face with gentle hands and a soft heart. Maybe they're reenacting something silly they saw on the sidewalk earlier that morning, the point is that there are kind people.

Really they exist, and a lot of them.

So don't go back to the familiar uncertainty. It feels familiar to always be on your toes, to use that tipping-tumbling feeling as a start to momentum in life. But I swear on the ocean that you can have momentum without tiptoeing through eggshells of being scared all the dang time. It might be slower, because usually adrenaline-fueled sprinting is pretty speedy, but slower is probably healthier. Look for those people that feel safe, kind, the ones where you enjoy who you are when you're with them. That's what home will feel like.

[kikiskitchenwitchery]

Happy whenever this post finds you. For me it is early on a sunny morning and I woke up feeling much better than when I went to bed. I am still exploring an astrology oracle deck. Today I drew Mercury. Mercury will always focus on communication and how we do that. As a Gemini who is ruled by Mercury, I am curious today how this will play out. The little book that comes with the deck tells me that this card would like me to step away from emotional reactions and communication and focus on ration, logical expression. I don't like that. But give me a second to explain. We can be both rational and emotional. At the same time. Just because I am excited about something I am expressing does not mean that it is automatically "just based in emotion". Sometimes joy or anger are the most rational emotions for the situation. Logic is not the only voice worthy of being heard. I can agree that sometimes emotions will cloud a conversation but if someone is going to claim that they won't listen because the conversation is too emotional, they are also in the wrong. It is a way to avoid the hard stuff. So sure, I will be aware of how I communicate today but I will no longer divest my emotions from my conversations. Because I have emotional literacy. Have a magical day.

[conversations-with-the-devil]

About this page

In its essence, this page is the home of some of my conversations with the Devil, and with Monsters. Some of it will be typed, some of it will be photos from my journal where I have all of my conversations with the Devil and the Monsters.

What do I mean by this?

I mean that I listened to a lecture by a psychologust i admire and respect, and he was talking about the psychology of evil people and about how easy it is to go from being normal to being able to commit horrific atrocities against humanity, and to enjoy commiting them. In the video, he explained about how the worst crimes of humanity were committed, enjoyed and justified by those commiting them - and each of those criminals were normal people at one point in their lives, but became pure evil via the ways they excused their own microaggressions against their own selves, which led to them justifying microaggressions they committed against others, and each of those tiny, insignificant things added up until they were justifying murder and peadophilia and rape and genocide and torture.

Around the same time I watched that video, I also listened to a podcast from Diary of a CEO where he was interviewing the same person. And in that interview, he talks about (among other things) resilience and growth as a human being, and the importance of not giving in to temptation - whether that temptation is judging or envying others when you don't know their reality, or porn, or drugs or drink, or constant doomscrolling on your phone, or actual crimes. In summary, he equated temptation to the devil crouching on your doorstep; if you invite him in or open the door, then he will take over your home and your life and your very self, until you've damned yourself and everything around you is in constant chaos or rot, and you will be laughing alongside him as you both skip merrily down to Hell. In contrast, a stronger decision would be to not open the door, no matter how loudly or sweetly the devil calls for you to please let him in.

I thought about that, and I realised I disagreed. Letting the Devil inside would be an easy decision - especially since he used to live here. He just forgot his key. But the decision to just never open the door again because I'm scared of what might happen if he gets back in? Never opening the door again because of everything I assume he's going to do? Personally, that seems like a weaker decision than just letting him in. Just because I'd be ignoring his pleas to be allowed in wouldn't actually mean I was resisting temptation - I would just be being stubborn or ignoring him or living in fear of him, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to let him in. It doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy hearing him plea and beg from outside, or that the sound of his claws on the doorstep wouldn't become soothing and unthreatening after a certain amount of time.

To me, the strongest decision I can make in order to become more resilient and less likely to give in to temptation is to open the door, sit down across from the Devil with the threshold between us, and ask: "Why are you here?"

"Why are you here? What do you want? Why do you want inside of my house so much? Are you doing this to everyone, crouching on doorsteps to see who lets you in first? Or did I do something which made my porch light go on, for you to be drawn to my porch in particular? What made you think you'd be welcome here? What made you think I'd let you in? If I were to let you in, what would happen? Are you making this request with genuinely good intentions which will ultimately unravel and cause chaos and end with me dancing down to Hell with you, arm in arm? Or do you already fully intend to lead me down to the pits on a chain? What do you want from me? What do you want to accomplish from this interaction, or this temptation? What do you want to gain or to give? Do you want to teach me something? Are you here to warn me about something? Are you here to remind me of something forgotten or to educate me about something long since passed? Why are you here?"

Then to have that conversation with him, to get those answers, to be granted insight to the workings of temptation and sin and torment and torture and eternity, to catch a glimpse of Hell in his eyes and his words, to hear echoes of screams and moans and laughs in equal measure in his voice, to be able to glimpse visions of total debauchery and sin and temptation and the utterly horrific beauty of damnation, oblivion and the sweet taste of addictions being fed again and again, to hear the sepulchre singing of the demons of his court and the cries of the damned in the pits and the howls of the winds through the ice and the spitting of the flames... to get a glimpse of all of the ecstasy and beautiful torment of damnation, to know exactly what I'm being offered, to know exactly what pleasures and experiences I'd get if I invited him in... to get to have that conversation, then make a fully informed decision, to be of sound mind and body as I say: "That's not what I want for my life, so no, thank you."

To be able to have learned the lessons of Hell and corruption via a warning, rather than by chaos. For both of us to stand up, and to bow to each other. And for us to go our separate ways, him trotting away to tempt someone else into Hell, while I close my door to him, fully sound in the knowledge that he won't be back because there is nothing he could do, say or promise that would make me take that first step towards damnation.

To me, that is the strongest decision I can make. To me, that is how I become my most resilient self. To me, that is how I become everything I want to become. To me, that is how I introduce myself to my destiny.

That is what this page is. That is what my journal is. That is what I mean when I say "conversing with the Devil and Monsters."

What are my "Devil" and my "Monsters", though?

They have a lot of names. But no, I don't mean I'm having a psychotic break, and I don't mean I'm having a religious experience every time I do this. I'm having an intrinsically human experience.

"Devil" and "Monsters" are metaphors and visualisations, because I work best when I work in metaphorical language and I'm very visually driven. But what I mean by both terms are my inner critic (AKA "self doubt" ), my residual trauma (acquired in childhood), and my Shadow.

By Shadow, I mean my shadow self - a key part of Jung theory in psychology. The core point of it is this: inside all of us is our shadow self, which is the most monstrous part of ourselves which we are viscerally afraid of, and which we often try to ignore or deny the existence of, because it means confronting the darkest parts of our souls. Confronting and understanding your shadow self is crucial to understanding who you are as a person, because that is where your fears and motivations and nightmares and dreams come from. But when you look into your shadow's eyes and see the depths of your soul, you won't see something beautiful. You'll see a monster capable of things you can't even imagine doing - you'll see a soldier committing genocide and getting off on it, you'll see police men shooting children in the head and laughing about it, you'll see rapists and school shooters and murderers and abusive partners and addicts and tyrants and people who have had their humanity entirely distorted by sin and corruption and evil, who revel in every second of it, and every single one of them will be you.

As human beings, we're monsters by design. So understanding our own monster, which has lived in our souls since we first walked this earth, understanding the depths of despair and pain it has had to experience in order to become so thrilled by evil... that is crucial to understanding ourselves, our thoughts, our motivations and our fears, because that monster is where all of those things come from.

In order to become our best selves, we need to first acknowledge, accept, and understand our worst possible selves. Only then can we move forward. Only from there can we grow.

That is what I am conversing with in these sessions. My Shadow, my Monster, my Devil.

What is my goal in all of this?

Partly, my goal is control. Not to befriend my Monster or Shadow or Devil, but to understand them intrinsically. And from that, to be able to put my Monster on a leash. To be able to walk a separate path from my Devil. To be able to walk next to my Shadow and not be scared of him. That peace, that acceptance, are what my goal is. Because it'll only be once I've gained both those traits in regards to all Three, that I'll be able to have control over them.

[ourburningbridges]

+— S O A K —+

a short story teaser… coming soon…

WARNING: this piece touches on extremely explicit topics with graphic details that are not suitable for minors under the age of 18. “SOAK” contains violence, blood, sexual content, drugs, explicit language, suicide, incest and other themes that could be disturbing to some viewers.

DISCLAIMER: all offensive and taboo subjects in “SOAK” are used for artistic purposes only.

word count: 1,276

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Lilith’s conscience mumbled exceptionally loud tonight. It seemed to pound against her hollowed skull as she watched her lover, Sam, concentrate on crushing heroin into a fine powder. “Stop him!” It shrieked. “If you really love him, stop him!”

“Darling, do you love me?” Sam suddenly questioned. The voice possessing Lilith’s mind dies completely, leaving her to fend for herself.

“You know I do.” Lilith says before rising from the bed and walking over to her boyfriend. His bare chest is glowing with a thin layer of sweat, a clear indication of the play they had just moments ago. She stops so she’s standing next to him as he sits in a chair carefully aligning the white powder into two neat lines. She runs her fingers through his tangled mane of black hair, eliciting purrs from thin lips. He looks up at her with tired eyes, his sage irises cloudy with something demonic.

“Will you share yourself with me?” Sam hums with a crooked smile. Lilith can’t help the grin that breaks upon her face.

“You are such a vampire.” Lilith jokes. “Of course I will.” Removing her fingers from his damp hair, she goes to the bedside drawer to retrieve their shared dagger. As she rummages through the various junk, she can hear Sam’s loud snuffle from behind her. The dangerous sound makes her wince slightly. Sam coughs slightly, forcing pressure onto the side of his nose with his knuckle and muttering curses under his breath. Droplets of leftover blood remain stained on the very tip of the knife. Whether it was Sam’s or Lilith’s, she can’t seem to remember. Sam expertly sniffs at the last line of heroin while she begins to barely trace the sharpened blade against his shoulder. His head is thrown back in pure euphoria as he breathes deeply. Lilith pushes the dagger slightly harder.

“Go on.” Sam slurs. A quiet moan escapes his mouth once the razor-edged knife pierces shallowly into his shoulder. Lilith ducks her head into his neck in order to plant faint love bites on his neck while slowly dragging the dagger across his flesh. Sam’s blood immediately begins to seep through the narrow wound and he’s suddenly in heaven.

“Is that okay, baby?” Lilith purrs. For a moment, she’s worried she sounds too concerned, her mind unable to stray from the two lines of heroin her boyfriend just inhaled. She knows exactly how deadly heroin can be to the body. It did kill her father after all.

“Hell yes.” Sam huffs. “Come on, taste me.” Lilith wastes no time in taking the now messy knife from Sam’s shoulder and dragging her tongue across the freshly dripping slash. Sam’s blood has a distinct taste of bitter metal and something else beautifully floral. Lilith sucks gently on Sam’s shoulder like a starved animal. She could live off his taste forever. Or until right now.

“Lilith.” Sam groans abruptly. In a split second, Lilith pulls away and covers Sam’s cut with her palm to help soothe the bleeding.

“I’m sorry, does it hurt?” She asks, wiping his blood from her lips.

“No, no, you could never hurt me.” Sam laughs weakly. His eyes have gone completely gray. “I want to talk to you about something.” Sam slowly spreads his knees apart as if to invite Lilith into his lap.

“You can talk to me about anything, Sam.” Lilith reassures. She doesn’t care at all if she sounds anxious or not now. Lilith gently lowers herself to sit on his leg and drapes her own across his lap before running her fingers down her pale cheek.

“I know.” Sam mumbles with a wide smirk, his eyes slowly falling into a close. Lilith pulls his head closer into a kiss wet to help awake him once more.

“What do you need to tell me?” Lilith asks just mere inches from his face. When Sam’s eyes reopen, his eye’s green shine has magically returned.

“I wish to be with you. Forever.” He says pulling her in closer by her hips. “And I mean forever.”

“You will. You are.” Lilith says in slight confusion. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re damn right, you’re not.” Sam chuckles. His teeth seem especially sharp tonight. “I’m talking about me.” Suddenly, Lilith becomes aware of the dagger still in her lazy grip when Sam takes it into his own hand. He raises it carefully to her mouth, giving her a wordless order. Lilith complies, licking the tip of the dagger clean.

“Do you wish to be with me, even in death?” Sam asks with a deeply obsessive look in his eyes.

“Yes.” Lilith whispers as Sam cautiously drags the edge of the knife down the front of her throat and to her clothed breasts. The familiar sharpness stabs blissfully into her chest.

“Then you must listen to me very closely.” Sam says with an abrupt sense of importance in his voice. The dagger feels chilled and scorching hot at the same time as Sam works a gentle slit into Lilith’s bare skin. “If I were to die, you must find a way to bring me back.”

“Don’t be absurd.” Lilith allows a breathy laugh to escape as she gently rests her hand on Sam’s torso for leverage. Her blood runs quicker than her lover’s, causing Sam to skillfully catch each drop on his tongue.

“I’m not.” Sam says into her chest, his voice far deeper than Lilith has ever heard before. “You can bring me back.” There’s no denying the pit of disturbance growing rapidly in Lilith’s stomach.

“Sam…” She mutters.

“Hush. Just listen.” Sam says, his smile growing far more devilish by the second. He has now taken the blade and put it in front of Lilith as if to show her her own bloodied reflection. “If you truly are as devoted to me as you say, you’ll bring me back to you after I die.”

“But, you’re not going to—”

“There will be another. He will not be like me, but he will be the same.” Sam explains with nearly zero sense to be made. “You must kill him and drink his blood as you do with mine… Take your life once you do. I promise, I’ll find you.” His words strike Lilith like a match.

“What the hell are you saying?” Lilith stutters along with her heartbeat. Sam continues.

“You’ll know he’s the one once you find him. You’re so special, my love, you’ll be able to know.” Sam is beginning to slur once again. “Swear to me, Lilith. Swear you’ll bring me back.” The pleading in his reddened eyes are enough to slice into Lilith without the help of a knife. As unsettling as Sam’s requests are, the unconditional passion Lilith has for him is powerful enough to blind any worry she has. ‘He’s certainly high.’ she thought.

“I swear.” She confirms, taking his face into her hands and pressing a chaste kiss upon his forehead.

“You swear?” Sam nearly whimpers.

“Shh… Yes.” She coos. “I swear.” Sam’s head has fallen into the nape of her neck and she pets his long hair with great tenderness. For as long as Lilith can remember, Sam has always been very dark. From drinking each other’s blood to burning one another with lighters, their relationship has been disturbed to say the least. But that’s what made it so delicious. It only seemed well in Sam’s nature to desire being risen from the dead through a blood sacrifice of some sort. Of course, with Sam fast asleep in her arms as she rests in his lap, the two lines of heroin that he had taken entirely escaped her thoughts. So, Lilith would have never guessed that he would actually wind up dead in the morning.

-I.F.L 🐇

full short story coming soon…

[babyspacebatclone]

I want to share something cute about the kids at my daycare.

I recently bought a pair of Flare Audio Calmer Pro ear inserts, and confirmed that yes they do help take the edge off the most painful frequencies of a screaming tantrum.

I have itchy ear canals, though, and while the insets don’t hurt feeling them can register as itchy, and then I try to scratch and hit the insert and yeah not fun. So I don’t wear them unless the kids are awake and potential audio-hazards.

I’ve been covering in the Older Preschool room lately, 4-5 year olds. And since the inserts are still new, I’m still getting into the habit of putting them in before specific Younger Preschoolers wake up and have a meltdown about it.

The first time the older kids saw me put my inserts in, I explained that they “help me when noise gets loud and hurts my ears.” Simplified truth, normalizing needing assistive devices.

(we have children at the day care with issues ranging from needing nebulizers for asthma, braces for foot issues, chew stim jewelry, pressure vests, and a recently graduated child with Down’s Syndrome. they are exposed and awesome about the content, I just personally never miss the chance to normalize this can be for adults as well.)

Friday I hadn’t put them in before the yelling started, and had a typical jump-shudder at a particularly loud and high protest that reality existed (despite the fact the kid had woken themselves up…).

And with earnest concern, two of my awake and sitting on their cots in the dark preschoolers reminded me I needed my inserts.

I just love these guys.

Almost everyone in the Older Preschool Room, upon reflection, has been going through a lot of home instability: one’s recently adopted after a year of fostering (the family’s doing great!), two have had a parent have jail time (different families, even…), a few with single moms who obviously prioritize their own social life over their children…

But they do pick up the empathy we teach. They do care and depend on us, and because they see us as safe and reliable they want to take care of us teachers.

Seeing them make positive, helpful reactions to others gives me hope they’re be able to have positive, healthy lives as they grow.

[higherunlearning]

BEING A LIGHTHOUSE FOR YOUNG MEN LOST IN STORMY WATERS

————— image source One of many things that became apparent amidst the start of the pandemic in early 2020 was how we were about to deep dive even further into a collective state of uncertainty. At that point it already felt like the social contract upon which we thought society firmly stood was deteriorating under our feet. We suddenly found ourselves collectively adrift in the depths of a…

[sweetdreamspootypie]

Can't remember what tumbles current policy is on just posting links

But I like to collect stories of good parenting

Parenting to promote emotional literacy

[sysmedsaresexist]

Communication Exercise

For speaking with others

One of the things I struggle with most in therapy, and in my personal relationships, is expressing my feelings and emotions.

Apparently, there are more emotions than just "scared," "anxious," "upset," or "tired".

Who knew?

In the heat of the moment, I seem to lose all ability to find more accurate words, and I'm not the only one. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, this is a very common experience. Recognizing and putting words to your emotions can be incredibly difficult, and many trauma survivors struggle with it.

My therapist had me build a "wall" of emotions-- lists of emotions that I could look at, in the moment, to figure out what I needed to convey. I think, at most, I had a collage of ten-fifteen random papers stuck to the wall in the living room when I was at my worst.

Words like:

And I started adding my own words to it.

Drained

Humiliated

Indifferent

Distrustful

Paranoid

Stressed

Big sucky baby

All of these words can convey what you're really feeling in a more accurate way, and can help your friends and partners respond appropriately and ask the right questions to be able to help.

Keep them in a notebook, tape them to the fridge, make a folder on your phone.

"Hold on, I need my words," is a valid, good reason to pause, breathe, and examine yourself.

I was genuinely, pleasantly surprised by how adjusting the accuracy of my emotional language changed my conversations with my partners and helped me figure out what I needed to feel better.

[happymindskidsacademy]

Emotional intelligence is a crucial skill that supports social success and personal well-being. At HAPPY MINDS KIDS ACADEMY, a trusted preschool in Mission Viejo, California, we recognize the importance of building emotional awareness in young children. Our fun and engaging activities are specifically designed to help toddlers identify and manage their emotions, setting them up for a lifetime of emotional resilience.

[solarpunkpresentspodcast]

6.6: Emotional Literacy with Dr Tiffany Millacci

In this week’s episode, Ariel quizzes guest Dr Tiffany Millacci about emotional literacy. What is this relatively new phrase? How can being emotionally literate help us to navigate difficult conversations, awkward interactions, or even generally just having relationships in the first place? Isn’t all this talk of emotions just a different way for the self-help industry to get us to buy stuff? 

Join us for a fascinating conversation about a complex topic - we barely skim the surface! But never fear, Dr Millacci has your back; listen in for some good places to start learning more.

Links:

Dr Millacci's author profile on positivepsychology.com

Emotional literacy in the context of applying it to relationships

Emotional literacy vs emotional maturity

Disclaimer: We’re coming from a white, western viewpoint and we recognize the limitations and strictures of that - even within the same cultures and societies (heck, within the same families) emotional expression can vary wildly according to personality, gender, neurodivergence, whatever your social location. This interview necessarily takes broad strokes to begin a conversation about how to better be in community with each other, and it is our hope that we can continue to showcase how this can vary, taking steps towards a solarpunk future where people can disagree - even on important topics like politics and religion - without violence or relationship rupture.

[renaultphile]

This literally blew my mind. Had a quick glance and what do I see? Judgemental, basically Laurie throughout the book, leads back to disgust. OMG. Anyway, this is just a brilliant tool for writing and for life 😮

Feelings Wheel

This is the feelings wheel by Geoffrey Roberts, shown to me by my therapist. My initial thought was, "what amazing synonyms to use for diverse emotional vocabulary!"

More than that, this wheel is great for understanding your characters inner motivations and reactions to situations. For example, if a character constantly feels helpless, then their overarching characteristics will be that they are fearful.

Characters who are less emotionally aware may use words and act in the inner most circle. Those much more aware of their emotions may describe themselves or express and use words from the outer most circle.

Hopefully you guys find this as helpful as I did! Let me know down in the comments.

Happy Writing!

[carlosandresgomez]

TEDx talk:

"The Gift of Fear" by Carlos Andrés Gómez

[ourburningbridges]

I’m their puppet, stringing wealth

I’m a stranger to myself.

It’s hot winters; cool summers

Living in their suburbs.

Close us in, control our eyes

They won’t ever tell us lies.

It’s no place for the lovers

Living in their suburbs.

a chorus in progress, transformed into anarchism poetry. ♡

I.F.L 🐇