#emily aquarium lady

[ltwharfy]

I love the reactions of the other fourth graders (and Miss LaBonz and Emily Aquarium Lady) after Louise tells them all that she successfully pooped at the aquarium. Literally no one needed to know that, Louise!

[veeluvss]

I loved your JJ x autistic daughter fics, and it got me wondering what Emily Prentiss would be like with an autistic daughter. I love your writing, and was wondering if you would consider writing one like this? Thanks!

Hii! Thank you for your ask, here is Emily with an autistic daughter :)

Listening

Monday morning came around quicker than the Prentiss duo wanted it to. Having had the weekend off, Emily was feeling refreshed and ready for another working week. She was ready to see her team again and hoped they felt as refreshed as she did. However, she didn’t want her weekend to end. She’d had a lovely weekend with her daughter. They’d gone to the aquarium as it was their favourite place. They’d both done their homework in their office, they’d had two movie nights and a whole movie day on Sunday. They just spent as much time together as possible. It was rare they both had a free weekend so it was nice to hang out together. 

Miley was still in bed, not wanting to go to school whatsoever. She hated it at the moment. She hated school in general, ever since she could remember. But Emily didn’t like her to stay home alone and be homeschooled whilst she worked and boarding school could never be an option. She was in a private school, which meant Emily didn’t like Miley missing days or even classes because it was expensive. Being the way she was, Miley didn’t have many friends. She struggled to interact with people and hold conversations for long periods of time. People thought she was weird because she never looked at them whilst she was talking. On top of that, she was super smart, smarter than the rest of the kids in her class. Like Spencer Reid, her uncle, she had an eidetic memory. She could revise so easily and retain information with a blink. She was in the year above the normal at school which meant she was a year younger than her classmates. Which made it even harder for her to make friends. And today, her best friend Daisy, wasn’t in. Daisy was Miley’s rock. She was older but she took Miley under her wing and they did everything together. Daisy was often at the Prentiss household with having such a busy household herself. However, Daisy was on a field trip with her geography class and Miley wasn’t chosen to go which meant a whole day without her other half. She couldn’t face it alone, not the bullies. 

“Miles, come on it’s nearly 8,” Emily said, entering her daughter’s room. “I’m not going,” Miley said, matter of factly. “Oh yes you are, come on, up.” Emily pulled the covers off her daughter’s head and walked to open the curtains. “No, I’m not.” “Yes, you are, Miley. School is non-negotiable.” Emily was strict in her voice. She was adamant on Miley going to school, on top of that, she hated leaving her home alone and she couldn’t take her into the office with her today as they had a big staff meeting. “Hurry up or I’m going to be late for work,” Emily said as she left the room. Miley groaned loudly and pulled the cover back up over her head. She couldn’t sleep anymore but she did not want to go in. If she wasn’t ready, her mum couldn’t force her. 

“Young lady if you’re not out of bed, I’m going to be very upset,” Emily said as she came back down the hallway. “It’s 7.55 and you’re not even dressed. What is going on?” “I told you, I’m not going in.” “And I’ve told you, school is non-negotiable.” “But Daisy isn’t in. I’ll be alone.” 

Emily sighed, she knew how important Daisy was to Miley’s school life but that really was no excuse to miss a whole day of learning. Deep down, she knew her girl was clever enough to miss a day here or there, she knew she’d catch up easily. But at the same time, she had to put her foot down. Daisy wasn’t going to be there for Miley every day of her life in the future and with college coming up, they couldn’t afford to be as attached as they still were. “You can survive one day without Daisy,” Emily said, her tone softening. She walked to her daughter’s wardrobe and pulled out an outfit. A cute skirt and sweater as now it had got colder. 

“No. I can’t,” Miley groaned from under the covers. The idea of the bullies terrified her. As soon as they saw her alone today, they were going to attack her - she could feel it. “And why can’t you?” Emily sat on the side of the bed and pulled down the covers to see her daughter’s face. She needed to have a conversation about it because there was clearly something else bothering Miley. Miley paused. She couldn’t tell her mum about the bullies because then she’d march straight into the school, attempt to do something about it and it would fail and then the bullying would only get worse. “Come on, spit it out,” Emily said. “I just can’t,” Miley said and rolled over so she didn’t have to look at her mum. “Miley,” Emily sighed. “Come on, kiddo. I know there’s something going on.” “There’s nothing going on.” Miley hated lying to her mum but she knew she would try and help and only make it worse. “Is it the bullies again?” Emily asked, her voice gentle and understanding. Miley didn’t respond. She couldn’t say no now, not now she’d got it right. “How long has it been going on for?” Emily followed up her question, taking the no response as a response. “Daisy makes it better,” Miley managed to squeak out between her growing tears. She didn’t want to cry, she was an overly emotional person. She sniffed and Emily sighed quietly. “I know she does but she won’t be there forever.” “She will,” Miley replied, trying to keep her voice strong. Emily wasn’t an emotional person so having an emotional daughter made things difficult for her. She accommodated Miley’s needs when she needed to, she was a good mum in that sense but when she started crying out of nowhere, it made it hard for Emily to respond. She knew she needed a cuddle. 

Slowly, Emily laid down on the bed behind Miley and wrapped an arm around her torso. Miley quickly rolled over and cuddled herself into her mum. She knew her mum often didn’t know what to say when she was crying so silence and hugs helped. 

Once her tears subsided, Emily pulled back and brushed some wet, black hair from Miley’s face. “It’ll be okay. Do you want me to come in and speak to your teachers?” Emily asked. “Please, no,” Miley replied and began playing with her mum’s hair. The time was 8.15 and if Emily didn't’ leave now, she’d be late. She sighed and nodded. “How about you come with me today?” Emily asked. Miley, taken aback at the suggestion, looked up at Emily with shock. “But you said -” “I know what I said but clearly this is impacting you more than I realised. We have to put your mental health and wellbeing above a bit of school,” Emily explained. “But what about the money?” “Forget about the money, sweetheart. That’s my worry not yours. Plus, it’s one day. Daisy will be back to school tomorrow and so will you,” Emily said. Miley felt  weight lift off her shoulders and she smiled widely, pulling her mum into a hug. “Thank you for understanding,” she whispered. “I’ll always listen to you, you just have to talk to me,” Emily replied. “Now get dressed, I’ve got a meeting at 9 I can't be late for.”

The team loved having Miley, their little helper around for the day and Miley loved it too. She loved all of the BAU family, especially JJ and Penelope. They’d known her the longest and they all got along so well. She loved that her mum had listened to her and understood her needs for the day. She loved her mum, her very own Unit Chief. 

[thelastspeecher]

Amphibious Tendencies - Chapter 10: Typhlonectes natans

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6   Chapter 7   Chapter 8   Chapter 9 Chapter 10   AO3

It's been a hot minute, but I think y'all know I've sorta been going through it, so I won't say much else other than...

Enjoy.

—

Summary: Dipper, Mabel, and Soos find out that Stan and the rest of his family are not what they seem.

The “rubber eel” (Typhlonectes natans) is sometimes sold as a fish in aquarium stores, but is actually a caecilian, a group of legless amphibians about whom little is known.

——————————————————————————————

              “Chocolate chips, chocolate chips,” Mabel muttered to herself as she rummaged through the pantry.  “Ah-ha!”  She pulled out a glass jar filled with chocolate chips.  “Why were you hiding at the back of the pantry?”

              “Whatchya doin’, cuz?” a voice asked.  Mabel turned.  Emily stood in the kitchen, watching her with visible amusement.

              “It’s been too long since I baked something, so I asked Dipper what I should make, and he suggested my famous chocolate chip brownies.”

              “It’s her most edible recipe,” Dipper chimed in.  He was sitting at the kitchen table, going over the Journal.

              “Ya might want to use chocolate chips for it, then,” Emily said.  Mabel held up the jar.  “Those aren’t chocolate chips.  They’re chocolate-covered crickets.”

              “What?!” Mabel yelped in shock.  The jar slipped from her hands.  Emily dove, catching the jar before it could hit the floor.  “Look, I like to think of myself as being open-minded, but chocolate-covered crickets?  Why?”

              “I’m not sure if you know this, but Dad likes making bets and dares.”

              “We know,” Dipper and Mabel said together.

              “Oh.  Well, since he can’t ever pass up a bet or a dare, years and years ago, someone dared him to eat a bug.  So he ate the bug.  And then he got dared to eat another.  Eventually, he realized he actually liked the taste.”  Emily shrugged.

              “There’s no way Grauntie Angie puts up with it,” Mabel said firmly.  “She’s a lady.”

              “Ma likes ‘em, too,” Emily said.  Mabel’s jaw dropped.  “She’s probably the one who hid the chocolate-covered crickets in the back of the pantry so you wouldn’t see ‘em.  She was worried how the two of ya would handle our family’s…eccentricities.”  Emily put the jar on the counter and knelt to pick up the pieces of paper she had dropped when she grabbed the jar.  She tossed the papers onto the table.  “By the way, mail’s here.”

              “Did we get something in the mail?” Dipper asked curiously.

              “Dunno.  Didn’t look.”

              “Hmm.”  Dipper picked up the letter on the top of the pile.  He frowned.  “What name is this?”

              “Huh?”  Emily walked over and peered over Dipper’s shoulder at the letter.  “Oh.  It says Banjolina.  That’s Ma’s full first name.”

              “Angie is short for Banjolina?” Dipper asked.  Emily nodded.  “I thought it was short for Angela.”

              “Everyone thinks that.  I don’t know if many people in town know her proper first name.”

              “I guess ‘Banjolina’ makes sense since her brother’s named Fiddleford,” Mabel said.

              “Yep!  Unwieldy names are a bit of a tradition in Ma’s family,” Emily said cheerfully.  She pulled out a chair and sat down.

              “Is Emily short for something weird then?” Mabel asked.  Emily shook her head.

              “Nope.  Ma insisted on not doin’ her family’s weird name thing for any of us kids.  But she wasn’t completely successful with making us happy with our names.  Molly only goes by her middle name, not her first name.”

              “Molly?” Dipper and Mabel asked together.

              “Right, I keep forgetting you haven’t had a chance to meet her yet,” Emily said.  “Molly’s the oldest triplet.  But her first name’s actually Darlene.”

              “Darlene’s a pretty name,” Mabel insisted.  Emily shrugged again.

              “Not disagreein’ with ya.  Just tellin’ ya what Molly feels.”  She looked over at the clock on the wall.  “Did you two have breakfast?”

              “Yep!  That’s why I was gonna make brownies!” Mabel chirped.

              “All right.  Well, you could make brownies,” Emily said slowly, “or you could join me.”

              “It depends on what you’re doing,” Mabel said.  Emily grinned.

              “Dad wants me to get rid of the leftover fireworks from the Fourth of July.  I figured I’d do that by setting ‘em off.”  A twinkle entered her eyes.  “So?”

              “Fireworks beat brownies!” Mabel said quickly.  Dipper nodded.

              “Agreed.”

              “Then follow me, cousins,” Emily said, standing up.  “It’s time to rain some fire from the skies.”

-----

              The still morning air was split by the squeal and subsequent pop of a firework.  Emily, Dipper, and Mabel let out whoops of joy at their first salvo.  Before Emily could light the next one, however, the door slammed open.  Grunkle Stan stormed out of the Shack.

              “All right, what are you kids doing?” he demanded.  He looked around.  “Where even are you?”

              “We’re up here, old man,” Emily called from their spot on the roof.  Grunkle Stan looked up.  He scowled.  “I’m just doin’ what ya told me to.  I’m gettin’ rid of the fireworks.”

              “That’s all you’re doing?” Grunkle Stan asked.  Emily, Dipper, and Mabel nodded.  “Have the cops showed up?”

              “Yes, but we sent ‘em on their merry way with an insult or two,” Emily said.  Grunkle Stan grinned.

              “That’s my girl!”  He waved a hand airily.  “All right, carry on.  Just make sure you put out any fires.  Don’t want the place to burn down while Angie’s still sleeping.”

              “Do you have a method you want us to use to put out the fires?” Mabel asked.  Grunkle Stan frowned thoughtfully.

              “The phrasing is questionable, but screw it.  I’ll bite.  Whattaya got in mind, kiddo?”

              “Water balloons.”

              “Huh.”  Grunkle Stan shrugged.  “I don’t see why not.”  He went back into the Shack.

              “He’s in a good mood,” Dipper commented.

              “Nah, you two just managed to grow on him, that’s all.”  Emily elbowed Dipper and Mabel playfully.  “And don’t act like he hasn’t grown on you.”

              “Heh, yeah,” Dipper said.  “When he’s not barking orders at us, he’s kind of…fun?”  Mabel nodded in agreement.

              “And I think it’s so sweet how much he’s in love with Grauntie Angie,” Mabel sighed dreamily.  “I want something like that one day.”  The door to the Shack opened.

              “What happened to the fireworks?” Grunkle Stan called.  “I was gonna watch the show!”

              “Why not be a part of it?” Mabel asked.  “I thought I cured your fear of heights!”

              “I’m more comfortable sitting on the porch than climbing on the roof.  You kids have your fun.”

              “Well, you heard the man,” Emily said to her cousins.  She held up her lighter.  “Which one are we gonna set off next?”

-----

              Dipper sprinted across the yard, running from the ululating Emily and Mabel.  He threw a water balloon at Mabel, but it bounced off her and on the ground.  Mabel threw a water balloon of her own, which burst upon contact with him.

              “Aw, man!” Dipper whined.  Emily chortled.  She looked at Grunkle Stan, who was sitting on the porch watching the festivities.

              “You gonna join us, old man?”

              “With these old bones?  No,” Grunkle Stan said.  He took another sip of his Pitt Cola.  “This is the kinda day summers were made for.  Just doing dumb things.”

              “Agreed!” Mabel and Dipper said together.  Dipper shoved Mabel playfully.  She landed on the ground, laughing.  When the water balloon fight resumed, however, Grunkle Stan’s relaxed expression morphed into one full of tension.

              Once the kids had run out of water balloons, Grunkle Stan got up and walked over.

              “Look, kids, I…”  He rubbed the back of his neck.  Dipper and Mabel looked at him curiously.  “I’ve- I’ve got somethin’ to tell you.”

              “What?” Mabel asked.  Grunkle Stan grimaced.

              “It’s- it’s complicated and you probably- you might not like it.”

              “Wait…”  Emily stared at her father.  “Dad, are you talking about…”  Grunkle Stan nodded.  Emily’s eyes widened.  “Did Ma say you could?”

              “Yeah.  After everything that happened with her, we figured it would be best.”

              “What is it?” Dipper asked.  Grunkle Stan took a deep breath.  He opened his mouth.  Before he could say anything, however, a red dot appeared on his fez.  “Is that a ladybug?”

              “Aw!” Mabel cooed.  Emily grabbed Dipper and Mabel, hurriedly pulling them away from Grunkle Stan.

              “Emily, what are you-” Dipper started.  A masked man dressed in combat gear suddenly burst from the nearby bushes and tackled Grunkle Stan to the ground.

              “Hey!” Grunkle Stan protested.  The man put his knee on Grunkle Stan’s back.  Other men dressed similarly emerged from the woods, surrounding the Shack.  “What are you doing?!”

              “Our job,” Agent Powers said, walking over with Agent Trigger by his side.  “Arresting suspicious persons and locking down any potential evidence.”

              “The government guys?” Dipper asked.  He frowned.  “I thought they got eaten by zombies.”

              “Eaten by-”  Emily stared at Dipper.  “Cuz, I’ve got bigger fish to fry right now, but yer gonna have to tell me that story later.”  She looked back at the agents.  “Potential evidence?  Like what?”

              “This entire residence,” Agent Trigger said.  Emily gaped.

              “Wh- this is my house!  You can’t just take it!”

              “We can and we will,” Agent Trigger said.

              “I’m startin’ to understand Ma and Dad’s perspectives on the government,” Emily muttered under her breath.  The agent that had tackled Grunkle Stan pulled him up and began to march him around to the front of the Shack.  “Hey!  Don’t take my dad!”  Emily let go of Dipper and Mabel, following the agent leading her father away.

              “Stay back, miss,” Agent Powers said, holding out a hand to stop her.  Emily glared at him.  She shoved his hand aside and continued.  Dipper and Mabel followed her.  They watched in shock as agents stormed inside the Shack, breaking down doors and crashing through windows.  Multiple police cars pulled up, their lights and sirens blaring.

              “What did I do that warrants this much arresting?” Grunkle Stan demanded.  One of the agents slammed his head against the hood of a car.  “Ugh!”

              “We’ve been watching you for a while,” Agent Powers said.  “Your suspicious behavior and back-alley dealings with shady characters have been raising concerns.”

              “What?  That’s not enough to arrest me!” Grunkle Stan argued, squirming viciously.  “I know my rights!”

              “You signed those rights away last night when you met with someone we have yet to identify and acquired what was clearly an illicit substance.”

              “Last night?” Grunkle Stan asked.  “I was stocking the Gift Shop all night!”  He made eye contact with Emily, Dipper, and Mabel.  “You kids have to believe me!”  The agent that had grabbed him shoved him into the back of a car.

              “Yeah, look, government guys, Grunkle Stan might not be a squeaky-clean model citizen or whatever, but there’s no way he did something bad enough to arrest him like this,” Mabel said.

              “Or take his house!” Dipper added.  He crossed his arms.  “Can’t you at least say what you think he did?”

              “That’s on a need-to-know basis,” Agent Trigger responded.

              “Translation: they don’t actually have a good reason to arrest him,” Emily said tartly.  Agent Trigger glared at her.  “I’m just tellin’ the truth.  Unlike you.”

              “Where’s Grauntie Angie?” Mabel asked, looking around.  “She can help clear things up.  Right?”

              “Only if she’s awake,” Emily mumbled.

              “Goodness!” a voice gasped.  All heads turned.  Grauntie Angie had exited the Mystery Shack.  Shocked, she daintily covered her mouth with her hand.  “What in tarnation is goin’ on?  Why are ya arrestin’ my husband?”

              “You’re Stan Pines’ wife?” asked Agent Powers.  Grauntie Angie walked up to him and held out her hand.  Agent Powers shook it reluctantly.

              “Yes, I am.”

              “In that case, you’ll have to come with us as well.”  Agent Powers held up a pair of handcuffs.  Dipper and Mabel gasped.  Grauntie Angie, however, smiled sweetly.

              “Now, that ain’t necessary, sir, is it?  I ain’t done nothin’ wrong,” she said, her voice saccharine.  Dipper frowned.

              Is her accent usually that thick?

              “I…I suppose you’re right,” Agent Powers mumbled.  A glazed look appeared in his eyes.  Grauntie Angie beamed.  “You’ll- you’ll have to come with us to the station, though.”

              “Oh, of course I will!  I have to be there to support my husband and help explain that this is all just a big misunderstandin’.”  She looked over at Emily, still standing by Dipper and Mabel.  “Emily, dear, please keep an eye on the children.”

              “The minors will be handed over to Child Protective Services,” Agent Trigger interrupted, walking over to Grauntie Angie.  Grauntie Angie’s eyes widened.

              “What?  That’s ridiculous!”  She placed her hand gently atop Agent Trigger’s in a reassuring manner.  “My daughter is more ‘n capable of supervisin’ the lil darlin’s and keepin’ ‘em out of a haystack, as we say back home.”

              Yep.  Her accent is definitely thicker than usual.

              “I…”  Agent Trigger shook his head.  He seemed dazed.  “Yes, you’re- you’re right,” he managed, the words slurring together.

              “So glad we could come to this agreement,” Grauntie Angie cooed.  “Now, gimme a mo’ to give my daughter some instructions.  I’ll come down with y’all to the station after.”  Grauntie Angie regally turned around and walked over to Emily, Dipper, and Mabel.

              “Ma, what’s goin’ on?” Emily hissed.  Grauntie Angie sighed.

              “I ain’t quite sure, honey-bun.  Clearly, these government folk are under the impression yer father is involved in somethin’ shady.  I’ll go help iron things out.”  A sour look appeared on Grauntie Angie’s face.  “I hate big government.”

              “Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s one of the many things you and Dad have in common,” Emily said, rolling her eyes.  “Any specific instructions fer watching Dipper and Mabel?”

              “No.  Just keep ‘em out of trouble.  Take ‘em to Junior’s place.”

              “But we want to stay here and help defend the Shack!” Mabel argued.  Dipper nodded.

              “The best way you three can help is by behavin’ ‘n stayin’ out of the way,” Grauntie Angie said firmly.  She looked over at the cars belonging to the government agents.  Dipper squinted.  In the bright sun, thin, pale lines stood out against Grauntie Angie’s skin.  The scars crisscrossed randomly, starting near the top of her neck and continuing down before being covered by her sensible sundress.

              Where did she get those scars?  And why haven’t I noticed them before?

              “These folks are bad news, but between Stan ‘n I, we can get things settled,” Grauntie Angie continued, unaware of Dipper’s stare.  Mabel, however, noticed, and elbowed Dipper roughly.  “Go to Junior’s.  Take the Stanleymobile.”  Grauntie Angie looked at Emily pointedly.  “I know you’ve got the spare set of keys in yer pocket.”  Emily rubbed the back of her neck, managing an abashed grin.  “I’ll call when I know more.”  Grauntie Angie kissed Emily on the cheek, then the tops of Dipper and Mabel’s heads.  She walked over to the government agents, striking up a conversation with them.

              “Well, you heard the lady,” Emily sighed.  “Stay here.  I’ll bring the car around.”  Emily walked away.  Mabel rounded on Dipper.

              “Okay, why were you staring at Grauntie Angie like that?” she demanded.

              “I just noticed something.”

              “What?”

              “She’s got scars.  All over.”

              “So?  You’re still not supposed to stare!”  Mabel shook her head.  “Honestly, Dipper.”

              “Did you know about her scars?” Dipper asked.

              “Yep!” Mabel said cheerfully.  “She let me do a makeover on her that one time and I saw while I was trying to find a foundation that matched her skin tone.  It’s difficult, since she’s pale but also has a lot of freckles.”

              “Did she tell you where the scars came from?”

              “She said it was some sort of accident at the lake.”

              “What kind of accident?”

              “She clammed up after that,” Mabel replied.  She frowned thoughtfully.  “But when I pointed out that the scars looked sorta like really thin string, she said I wasn’t too far from the truth.  I don’t know what kind of string there is at the lake, though.”

              “Fishing line, maybe?” Dipper suggested.  “But how could that cause scars?”  Mabel shrugged.  The Stanleymobile, driven by Emily, pulled up in front of them.

              “Get in, kiddos,” Emily said, her trademark grin visibly strained, “before the feds change their mind and send you to CPS.”

-----

              “What do you mean, you’re going?!” Emily demanded.  She and Junior were having a heated argument of some sort in the kitchen, though only Emily’s side of the conversation could be heard from where Dipper and Mabel had been put upon arrival at Junior’s house.

              “What are they even talking about?” asked Rana, the oldest of Junior’s quadruplet children.  Dipper and Mabel were currently sitting in the room she shared with her fellow quadruplet June.  The other two, Ryan and Jonah, had their own rooms for some reason that hadn’t been disclosed to Dipper and Mabel.

              “My guess is that Emily wants to go back to the Shack or police station or wherever Junior’s going,” Dipper said.  “So that she can help with whatever he and Grauntie Angie are doing to get Grunkle Stan out of trouble.”  Rana nodded thoughtfully.  She and her siblings were only ten, but seemed more mature than their ages would suggest.  Rana in particular was the most mature of the group.  Grunkle Stan claimed it was because she was the most like Grauntie Angie, not just in personality, but also in appearance.  She did look eerily like her grandmother, having the same nose, eyes, and hair color.  Even the freckle pattern across her nose and cheeks looked like Grauntie Angie’s.

              “It’s weird that Grandpa Stan got arrested,” Rana said quietly.  “I mean, yeah, he commits crimes all the time, but even when he gets caught, he’s able to talk his way outta it.  Y’know?”  Dipper and Mabel nodded.  “Do you guys know what he did?”

              “No, not really,” Dipper said.  Rana crossed her arms.

              “Dumb cops,” she muttered.  Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look, amused despite themselves at how Grunkle Stan and Grauntie Angie’s dislike for authorities had spread to their grandchildren.  Rana stood.

              “Where are you going?” Mabel asked.

              “Me?  I’m not goin’ anywhere.”  Rana crossed over to the bedroom’s large window and opened it.  “But you guys are gonna go to the Shack and figure out what’s going on.”

              “Are you sure?” Dipper asked warily.  Rana nodded.

              “Even if Auntie Emily convinces Dad to let her come with him, which probably won’t happen, there’s zero chance either of them will let you guys come along.  But we need all hands on deck for whatever’s happening.”

              “Then why aren’t you coming?” Mabel asked.  She and Dipper got up from the frog-shaped rug they had been sitting on.

              “I’ve gotta make sure no one catches onto the fact you guys are gone.”

              “Good point,” Dipper said with a nod.

              “Now, get going.  You’ve got the best chance of sneaking out while Auntie Emily and Dad are still arguing,” Rana said firmly.  Dipper and Mabel walked over to the window.

              “Are you sure this is safe?” Dipper asked.

              “Oh, yeah.  June and I climb down it all the time.  It makes Dad really angry,” Rana said cheerfully.  She tossed one end of a rope out the window.  “Use this.”

              With Rana holding the other end of the rope, Dipper and Mabel successfully exited through the window and climbed down to the ground.  When all four feet were on the neatly trimmed grass, Rana pulled the rope back up.  She saluted Dipper and Mabel before closing the window and disappearing from view.  Dipper looked at Mabel.

              “You ready?” he asked.  Mabel held up her grappling hook.

              “Always.”

              “Where were you keeping that?”

              “I have my secrets,” Mabel said airily.  She tucked her grappling hook inside one of her voluminous sweater sleeves.  “Let’s go.”

-----

              Dipper and Mabel crashed through the already broken window in the attic of the Shack.  They tumbled onto the floor.

              “I told you it would come in handy again,” Mabel said to Dipper.  Dipper held a finger to his mouth, shushing her.  “I told you it would come in handy again,” she whispered.  Dipper rolled his eyes.

              “I never said it wouldn’t,” he whispered back.

              “You didn’t need to.  I could tell that was what you were thinking.  Twin telepathy.”  Mabel put her grappling hook away again.  “Anyways.  We need to find the surveillance tapes, right?”

              “Yeah,” Dipper said, deciding to go with the subject change.  “They should be in his office.”  Mabel nodded.  The two quietly went over to the door of the attic and opened it as silently as they could.  They stared down the darkened staircase.  No government agents stood at the foot of the stairs, nor could they hear anyone moving around on the first floor.  They tiptoed down, carefully avoiding the particularly creaky stair, arriving at the first floor without incident.  Voices suddenly sounded.  Dipper and Mabel hurried away from the approaching agents, sneaking down the hall to Grunkle Stan’s office, and closing the door behind them.  Dipper held up his fist.  Mabel obliged with a friendly fist bump.

              “Okay, where would Grunkle Stan hide the surveillance tapes?” Dipper muttered to himself, scanning the furniture in the office.  He perused the bookshelf.  Some of the books were very scientific in nature, likely belonging to Grauntie Angie.  “Or…where would Grauntie Angie hide the surveillance tapes?”

              “Probably somewhere fun and kooky,” Mabel said, closing the file cabinet she had been inspecting.  She gasped and pointed at the jackelope head on the wall, which had a crooked antler.  “Wait!  The antellabbit!”

              “Uh, don’t you mean ‘jackalope’?” Dipper asked.  Mabel scoffed.

              “That can’t be right.”  She walked over to the jackalope and stood on her tiptoes to grab the antler, pulling it into the correct position.  The section of the wall the jackalope was mounted on promptly turned around, revealing two old-school TV monitors and a tape player.  The top monitor showed a live feed of the cameras in the gift shop, while the bottom one was black, reflecting their faces back at them.  A cardboard box sat in an alcove directly below the tape player.

              “Yes!” Dipper and Mabel cheered together.

              “And the one from this week is already in!” Mabel said, pointing to the VCR tape partially in the tape player.  She pushed it in the rest of the way.  Promptly, video appeared on the lower monitor’s screen.

              Wendy and Mabel watched Soos do the worm dance on the floor of the Gift Shop.

              “Go!  Go!  Go!  Go!” Wendy and Mabel chanted together.

              “Someone said ‘wormy dance’,” Mabel said airily to Dipper.  “We had to!  Fast forward.”  Dipper grabbed the remote off the top of the tape player and pressed the fast forward button, zooming through multiple hours.  When he let go, the Gift Shop was occupied only by Grunkle Stan, who was cheerfully putting away new merchandise.  Yesterday’s date was in the top corner of the screen, along with the time, nine at night.

              “There it is!” Dipper enthused.  “He was restocking like he said!  And the date and time show it was last night!”  There was a knock at the door.  Mabel and Dipper looked over before realizing it had come from the surveillance tape.  They looked back at the TV.  On the video, Grunkle Stan stopped stocking and walked over to the door.  He opened it.  Whoever had knocked wasn’t visible from this angle, but Grunkle Stan was clearly expecting them.

              “I was starting to get worried,” Grunkle Stan said.  “You took your sweet-ass time.”

              “Ignoring the swear,” Dipper muttered under his breath.

              The person at the door held out a box.  Grunkle Stan took the box from them.

              Mabel let out a soft gasp.  Dipper nodded silently.  He saw it, too.  Whoever was at the door had enormous, webbed hands. 

              “Why are you around here, looking like that?” Grunkle Stan asked.  “It’s dangerous.  Those government guys are still sniffing around.”  The person at the door replied, but no individual words could be made out.  “Wait.  Really?”  Grunkle Stan looked down at the box in horror.  “Okay.  Lemme take care of the security cameras real quick, then.”  Grunkle Stan handed the box back, glanced at the security camera, and then walked behind the counter.  He reached under the counter.

              The screen went black, only for the picture to come back a few seconds later.

              Grunkle Stan was in the same place he’d been at the start of the video.  Grauntie Angie was with him.  They sang along to the radio on the oldies station as they restocked.  Grauntie Angie leaned in to kiss Grunkle Stan on the cheek, making him chuckle.  The time in the corner indicated it was now past midnight.

              The mysterious box was nowhere to be seen.

              “Okay, so maybe Grunkle Stan got a mysterious thing from someone who probably wasn’t human,” Mabel said, “but that doesn’t mean he’s got nefarious plans or whatever!”  Dipper pulled out the cardboard box underneath the tape player.

              “He’s definitely hiding something,” Dipper said firmly.  He picked up a folded piece of paper from the box.

              “What’s that?” Mabel asked.  Dipper unfolded the piece of paper.  “A note?”  Dipper’s eyes widened.  He recognized the words’ fanciful font.

              “Not just any note.  A note from the Author!”

              “Whoa, what?!”  Mabel gaped at the note.  “What’s it say?”

              “Angie, when I asked you to look at my notes, I meant for you to go over the research I have done since you have been on maternity leave, not write unfairly harsh criticisms about my journal as a whole.  I believe I have been supplying more than enough field notes to make my research replicable, but perhaps we can discuss it in person once you’ve returned.  In the meantime, please keep your comments about my work focused upon what I requested.”  Dipper looked over at Mabel.  She seemed just as shocked as him.  “Mabel…this is- this is confirmation of what I’ve been saying!  Grauntie Angie, she knew the Author!”

              “I guess…” Mabel mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with the revelation.  She shook her head.  “But would Grauntie Angie hide such an important thing from us?  She doesn’t keep secrets like Grunkle Stan!”

              “We’ve never asked her about the Author,” Dipper pointed out.  “She’s been gone for so much of the summer.”  His eyes widened.  “I bet it’s all connected!  She’s been gone so much because she’s doing things related to the Author or- or the Journal!”

              “Time to take off your conspiracy hat, Dipper,” Mabel said, taking his baseball cap off his head.  Dipper scowled and grabbed it back before putting it on again.  “Grauntie Angie has to do science stuff out of state!  Emily showed us pictures of her speaking at a conference!  Not everything goes back to the Author and the Journal.”

              “In this town, it feels like it does,” Dipper muttered.  He looked down at the box.  “Whoa.”

              “What?” Mabel asked, looking inside the box as well.  “Oh, wow!  Look at all these pictures!”

              “Grunkle Stan posing with Bigfoot?” Dipper said, flabbergasted, picking up one of the Polaroid photographs.  Mabel picked up another one.

              “Here’s Grauntie Angie and Grunkle Stan with the Gobblewonker!”  She frowned.  “But the Gobblewonker was just one of Old Man McGucket’s old robots that went haywire.”

              “Apparently not.”  Dipper and Mabel sat on the floor, going through the photos together.  Each one had either Grauntie Angie or Grunkle Stan with a magical creature.  A few even had one of their kids present.  At the bottom of the box, buried underneath the photographs, were two pieces of paper.  Dipper picked one up.

              “What is it?” Mabel asked.

              “An old newspaper article,” Dipper said.  He scanned the clipping.  “It’s just from when the Mystery Shack opened.”  He frowned.  “Didn’t Grunkle Stan say that he got Manly Dan to build the Shack?”

              “Yeah.  Why?”

              “This says that the Shack used to belong to someone else.”

              “Who?”

              “It doesn’t say.”

              “Maybe he just forgot?” Mabel suggested.  “He’s an old man, he forgets things!”  Dipper picked up the other piece of paper.  “What’s that one?”

              “It says ‘secret code to hideout’ on it,” he said, inspecting the paper.  On the paper was a graph, consisting of two columns and four rows of boxes.  The top two boxes read “A” and “1”, the left second row box read “B”, and the two boxes in the third row read “C” and “3”.  The remaining boxes were blank.

              “Why would Grunkle Stan need a hideout that has a secret code?” Mabel asked.  Dipper scowled.

              “It probably has to do with why the government showed up and the person on the tape.”  He pulled out the Journal and his portable blacklight, flipping through the pages hurriedly, to no avail.  “‘A1, B, C3’…I’ve never seen a code like this.”  Mabel looked over his shoulder and gasped.

              “Wait!  I have!  Dipper, it’s the vending machine!”

-----

              As Dipper and Mabel sprinted through the Shack towards the Gift Shop, they could hear what seemed like every government agent leaving.  They burst into the Gift Shop.

              “Soos!” they cried out in delight upon seeing the man standing in front of the vending machine.  Soos gasped.

              “Kids!” he said happily.  “Where have you been?”

              “What are you doing here?” Dipper asked.

              “Dr. Angie called me and told me to protect this vending machine until Junior showed up.”  Soos chuckled softly.  “I didn’t realize she was such a fan of snacks.”

              “Soos, listen,” Dipper said.  “Something huge is going on here, and it all goes back to the vending machine.  I need you to step aside.”

              “Yeah,” Mabel chimed in, “let us through so we can prove this is all just a big misunderstanding.”  Soos sighed.

              “Guys, I know this seems crazy, but I promised Dr. Angie I’d guard the vending machine with my life.”  He smiled weakly at them.  Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look.  Dipper nodded solemnly.

              “I’m sorry, Soos,” Mabel said, stepping forward.  Before Soos could say anything else, she blew a handful of glitter into his face.  Soos let out a shout.

              “Attack glitter!  It’s pretty, but it hurts!”  While he tried to rub the glitter out of his eyes, Dipper darted around him, quickly pressing the “A”, “1”, “B”, “C”, and “3” buttons on the vending machine’s keypad.  The vending machine swung forward as though on hinges, knocking Soos, Dipper, and Mabel to the floor.  As they looked up, they gasped.  A secret staircase had been revealed behind the vending machine.  They got to their feet.  “I guess that’s why Dr. Angie wanted me to protect the vending machine.”

              “We don’t have any time to lose,” Dipper said firmly.  Soos nodded.

              “I’ll lead the way, dudes,” he said.  He headed down the staircase, marveling.  “It’s like something from a video game.”

              “Or a dream,” Mabel said.

              “Or a nightmare,” Dipper said glumly.  As the vending machine closed behind them, a pickup truck pulled up outside.

-----

              Soos, Dipper, and Mabel exited the underground elevator, entering a room that looked eerily familiar.

              “It’s just like the bunker in the woods,” Dipper said, looking around at the machinery and blinking lights.  There was a large observation window on the far wall, across from the entrance to the lab.  Visible through the observation window was an enormous, glowing machine in the shape of an upside-down triangle.  An ominous hum permeated the air.

              “What is it doing under the Mystery Shack?” Soos asked.

              “Maybe it’s Grauntie Angie’s,” Mabel suggested.  “She’s a scientist, it makes sense she’d have a lab.  Right?”  Dipper walked over to a desk below the observation window.  He immediately clenched his jaw.

              “The other two journals?” he demanded, staring at the books that lay on the desk before him.  “All this time, they were right here?  I can’t believe it!”  He kicked the desk in frustration.  “Why would Stan have those journals?!”

              “Maybe Dr. Angie had them the whole time,” Soos suggested.  “Maybe she’s the Author.”

              “She’s not,” Mabel said, sounding sad.  “But she knew him.”

              “She did?” Soos asked.

              “We found a note for Grauntie Angie that the Author wrote.”

              “Do you think she knows what happened to him?” Soos asked.  Mabel shrugged.  Dipper set the third journal down on the desk and flipped it open to the page he had theorized was a blueprint for some sort of machine.  He flipped through the other two journals, finding similar pages in them, then arranged them until they had become a drawing of the very machine visible through the observation window.  He turned on his portable black light.  Soos, Dipper, and Mabel gasped at the writing now visible on the journals’ pages.

              “Whoa,” Mabel breathed.  Dipper swallowed nervously and began to read aloud from the journals.

              “I was wrong the whole time.  The machine was meant to create knowledge but it is too powerful.  It was deceived, and now it is too late.  The device, if fully operational, could tear our universe apart!  It must not fall into the wrong hands.  If the clock ever reaches zero, our universe is doomed!”  All three looked up at the digital clock above the observation window, which had been steadily counting down the entire time they were in the lab.

              “It’s the final countdown!” Soos screamed.  “Just like they always sung about!”

              “There has to be a way to stop it,” Dipper said, flipping through the third journal urgently.  He arrived at a page reading “MANUAL OVERRIDE”.   The three entered the room the observation window looked into.  The ground was beginning to shake.  “There!  That turns it off!” Dipper said, pointing at a pole in front of the machine.  They rushed over.  Dipper flicked a switch on the side of the pole.  The rounded dome on top of the pole popped open, revealing a bright red button.

              “Wait!” a voice shouted.  Dipper paused, his hand an inch above the button.  He, Mabel, and Soos all turned to look at whoever had spoken.

              “Dude,” Soos breathed quietly.  The speaker stepped closer, their mottled green skin glistening in the eerie light of the machine.  “Is that…?”

              “A nixie,” Dipper confirmed.  The nixie, who looked to be female, crossed her arms with a scowl.  She was a foot or so taller than Mr. Ponds, slender while he was stout, and had much longer antennae, as they stretched past her shoulders.  But it was impossible to mistake the frog-like features for anything else.

              “What are you three doing down here?” the nixie asked.  Her voice was sweet and flutelike.

              “I think we should be asking you that,” Dipper said firmly.  “Our great-uncle owns this building.”  The nixie jutted her chin out.

              “Maybe I have permission from your great-uncle to be down here.”

              “Doubt it,” Dipper retorted immediately.  Mabel tugged on his arm.  He looked at her.  “What?”

              “She’s the person who was giving Grunkle Stan the thing in the surveillance video!” Mabel hissed.  Dipper whipped his head back to look at the nixie.  Mabel was right.  The nixie’s hands and arms matched those of the person who delivered the mysterious package last night.

              “Who are you?” Dipper asked.  The nixie stayed silent.

              “What did the Author call the other nixie he knew?” Mabel asked Dipper quietly.  “Mr. Ponds’ wife or mate or whatever?”

              “You think this nixie is B?” Dipper said in a low voice.  Mabel shrugged.

              “Maybe.  I mean, how many nixies are there even in Gravity Falls?”

              “…Fair enough.”  Dipper met the nixie’s eyes.  “Are you B?” he asked.  The nixie didn’t say anything, but the widening of her glowing blue eyes was answer enough.  “You are.”

              “I…”  B uncrossed her arms.  “I haven’t been called that in a while,” she croaked.

              “If you’re B, then that means you’re Mr. Ponds’ mate!” Mabel said eagerly.  B frowned.  “We met him in the Crawlspace when he was selling nixie venom!”

              “…Mr. Ponds?” B said slowly.  She looked over her shoulder.  “Darling, what have you been telling these kids?”  Mr. Ponds emerged from the shadows to stand by his mate’s side.  He was visibly out of breath.

              “Look,” he panted.  He bent over.  “Ugh.  I’m too out of shape to run as much as I just did.”

              “If you went on hikes with me every now and then…”

              “Ang, you know I’m too busy dealing with tour…” Mr. Ponds started.  His eyes widened in horror.  But it was too late.  The three humans’ jaws dropped.

              “No. Way,” Soos breathed.

              “S for Stanley,” Dipper said slowly.  He looked at Mabel, who nodded.

              “B for Banjolina,” she finished.  B, who they now knew to be Grauntie Angie, closed her eyes.

              “Stanley Pines, I swear…”

              “We were planning on telling them anyways, why does it matter I let it slip?” demanded Mr. Ponds, aka Grunkle Stan.  Grauntie Angie glared at him.

              “There’s a lot going on right now!  I’d prefer not to dump everything on them all at once!”

              “I don’t know how it’s possible, but those two are nosier than our own kids.  It’s a miracle we kept the whole frog thing under wraps as long as we did!”

              “You knew the Author!” Dipper burst out.  Grunkle Stan and Grauntie Angie looked at him.  “You both did!  Why didn’t you say anything when I showed you the Journal?”

              “It’s- it’s a long story, kid,” Grunkle Stan said.

              “Tell us,” Mabel said.  Grunkle Stan and Grauntie Angie exchanged a pained look.  “Or- or are you gonna lie some more?”  Her voice broke mid-sentence.

              “Okay, yes, we’ve been lying,” Grunkle Stan said.  “And we technically broke the law.”  Grauntie Angie facepalmed.  “But everything we’ve done, everything we’ve sacrificed, it’s been for our family.”

              “A family that includes the three of you,” Grauntie Angie added.  Soos pointed at himself.  “Yes, Jesus, you’re family.  I’ve told you this how many times now?”

              “How can we trust you?” Dipper demanded.  He threw his hands up in the air.  “Clearly the Journal was right when it said not to trust anyone in Gravity Falls!  You guys are- are frog-people!”  He raised his hand over the shutdown button again.  It was too late.

              The timer on the wall reached zero.

              Everything went white.

[empress-of-snark]

weekly good things

- I’ve started reading the uber-popular Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries and I’m very much enjoying it so far

- also been watching My Lady Jane and while I could do without the irritating narrator, the chemistry between the leads is ~sizzling~

- my quest to own Primeval on DVD in its entirety (in preparation for the day it inevitably leaves Hulu) is finally complete—I snagged volume three (seasons four and five) on eBay for only $15!

- I made brownies for my coworkers and while they were definitely underbaked in the middle (the toothpick test lied to me), the extra-gooey texture was a selling point, and I got many compliments

tomorrow/next week:

- I’ve been reliably informed that Walmart has Halloween pajamas out and I plan on stopping by tomorrow to buy at least one pair

- I have plans next weekend to go to the aquarium with some friends!

- will probably be soon starting on a baby quilt for a friend who’s due in November (will of course post pics if and when I finish it)

- EDIT: forgot to mention that Only Murders in the Building comes back on Tuesday!

[yourmidnightlover]

niagara falls

TW: past thoughts of suicide, drinking, car accident (not involving reader), pining (lmk if i missed anything plz)

Summary - spencer explodes on reader after coming to a realization, and reader decides to take a much needed vacation - away from him.

WC - 5,305

masterlist

————————————————————————

"i don't understand why you're like this!" spencer shouted as he slung his satchel off his shoulder and onto the couch. "why do you even care?!"

"why do i care?!" you scoffed. "you seriously aren't asking me that, spencer," you rolled your eyes in disbelief. "because i care about you. that's why i care. i'm so sorry my caring about you is an inconvenience," you sarcastically apologized, throwing your hands up in frustration as he sat down on the couch with his head laying in his hands.

"you're just so overbearing sometimes, y/n. i can't handle it right now!" he yelled, finally pulling his head up to meet your gaze only to find your eyes welling up with tears. "are you seriously crying right now?" he chuckled as he rolled his eyes once again.

"spencer please... just tell me why you're so upset right now. i want to help you," you pleaded, trying to calm yourself down as you sat on his couch beside him, placing a hand gently on his knee.

"well maybe i don't want your help! i never asked you to help me!" he slung your hand off his knee as he rose to his feet once again.

"why won't you let me help you? i'm your friend, spence. i want to help you... please," you admitted as a year slipped down your cheek.

"i don't want your help! i don't want you here! i don't want to be near you! i wish you died when the unsub took you. i should've let him just finish the fucking job!" he yelled, running a hand through his hair as he turned away from you. "i mean it seemed like you wanted to die anyways because of your carelessness. your stupidity! so why don't you do just that?" he walked into his kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water.

you stayed silent, unaware of what to do with what he just admitted. your best friend just said he wished you had died. he wished you had been killed.

you didn't know what to do, but you knew you didn't want to stay with him for one more second. you were done trying to help him through whatever was going on.

so you got up and left. you walked out of his door and slowly made your way to the car, still trying to process what just happened.

spencer looked up when he heard his door softly shut. he grabbed his water and walked into the living room, only to find you not there anymore.

then he finally processed what he had said, himself. he said he wished you had died. he told you he wanted you dead.

he went to his room, not bothering with anything else at that point, and laid down on his bed. spencer felt guilty about what he had said, but he was sure you wouldn't want to see him.

but you would've done anything to see him. you waited inside your car, outside of his building for nearly half an hour just hoping he'd come down.

you wanted him to apologize, or to say he didn't mean it, anything that would suggest he didn't mean what he had said.

but he didn't come down.

you even saw as his lights turned off in his apartment, signaling his sleep, before you decided to drive off.

which leads to you now.

you were at a bar after calling penelope and emily, jj wasn't able to make it because of will and the kids. you were still in your work clothes, but managed to clean up the makeup that had began to streak down your face.

when the two girls got there, you had already been through a couple drinks within the past twenty minutes waiting for them, in spite of your knowledge of you being a lightweight.

"y/n!" you heard penelope greet you accompanied by the tell tale sound of her heels clicking against the floor. "my pumpkin pie what happened?!" she said as she approached you, gently placing a hand on your shoulder as she took a seat beside you.

"are you alright, y/n?" emily asked as she approached the chair on the opposite side of you.

"i'm... yup," you giggled as you turned to face emily. "is that unsub still in custody? maybe he still wants to have his go with me," you asked before busting out in laughter.

"what? y/n why...?" emily questioned, looking past you and making eye contact with penelope, silently asking if she understood what you meant. "why would you say that?" she asked softly, taking her coat off in preparation for the rest of the night.

"welllll, pretty lady, apparently spencer should've just let him finish the job when he took me," you giggled, leaning in closer to emily. "at this point i think spencer might want to finish the job himself!" you whisper shouted, penelope still able to hear your comment as you busted out in laughter once again.

"what'd boy wonder say?" penelope asked, scooting her chair closer to yours and emily's in hopes of hearing you better.

"he said 'i wish you died when the unsub took you. i should've let him finish the fucking job!'" you said with a smile on your face, the giggles still popping out of your mouth every so often.

penny and emily shared a knowing look as they glanced at each other. emily raised her eyebrows in suspicion as penelope rubbed her lips together with furrowed brows.

"i think you guys forget," you hiccuped, "i'm a profiler, silly gooses. i knoowww that look you guys are giving each other," you slammed your hands down on the table. "he meant what he said. he wants me dead," you frowned, the giggling finally ceasing as you took in the harshness of the situation. "maybe i should be, you guys."

"no! no, no, no," penny insisted, placing a hand on your shoulder to turn you towards her. she took note of the tears in your eyes once again. "he doesn't want you dead, y/n. he lost it when he found out the unsub took you."

"garcia's right. he could barely think straight for longer than 15 seconds when you disappeared," emily confirmed. "he cares about you, don't forget that."

"you should've seen him tonight, em," you turned to face emily, taking another sip of your drink before penny took it from you despite your protests. "he told me he didn't want to be near me and that he didn't want my help," you sniffled, wiping the tears from your eyes before they fell. "i just wanted him to be okay..."

"i know you did sweetie," penny consoled as she rubbed a hand on your back.

you leaned forward and rested your head on emily's shoulder as she wrapped her arms around you. penny continued to rub your back as sobs racked through your body. eventually, your sobs slowed and you were able to sit back up and wipe your tears.

he knew about your struggle with depression in the past. he knew that there was a point in your life when you didn't even want your life. he had to know the weight of his words as he said them.

and that hurt worse than the fact that he said them.

the fact that he knew how much they'd hurt you.

"i think i just need a break from him for a while," you sniffled as you used a napkin to wipe your tear stained cheeks.

you and spencer had spent practically every free night you had together. whether you went to his place or him yours, you spent whatever free time you had together.

you would watch those foreign films together, where he would whisper the translations in your ear. he would try to teach you to be better at chess. you would attempt to teach him to be a better cook. each of you loved spending time together.

so spencer saying that to you, knowing your backstory and your history, hurt more than you'd care to admit.

"are you sure?" emily asked concerned.

"he meant it, em. it was like he hated me. i don't... i don't want to see him again. at least not for a while," you frowned at the admission, picking at your nails in your lap.

"maybe that's for the best. a little break?" penelope agreed. "you still have a lot of vacation time, y'know," she suggested, nudging your shoulder slightly.

"yea. i think i might take a vacation for a month or two. visit my family, see some sights," you shrugged.

you and spencer had been looking through catalogues together at different sights you'd like to see together. those were the only places you'd thought about seeing, so you'd probably just visit them alone, try to make your own memories without him tainting them.

"that sounds fun, y/n. it's a good idea," she gently scratched your back.

"just uhm... don't tell spencer, please," you asked as you placed a twenty on the counter of the bar.

"whatever you want, sugar," penelope agreed, helping you stand to your feet. "we carpooled here, so i'll just drive you home, okay?" penelope suggested as you nodded in agreement.

"you can stay the night. you don't need to be out this late, pen," you practically demanded.

"yes ma'am," penny laughed at your care for others, even when you felt horrible.

you've always been the person that's there for everyone, even spencer.

when they each went through their own trouble or needed help you were there for them.

especially spencer.

and now after you had your own traumatic experience where you thought you would die yourself, spencer wasn't there for you. instead, he added to the hurt and pain.

penelope drove you home, you fell asleep on the way. she slept in your guest bedroom and helped you when you had to throw up in the middle of the night.

you had never been more grateful to not have worn the next day. you called hotch to let him know of your plans of vacation for a couple months, which he allowed.

he thought it was an excellent decision for you to take a vacation. you'd always worked hard on everything you did. paperwork or a case, you did your best. so he knew this break would really help you to relax.

so, you planned everything out. you got a plane ticket to see your family, and you would drive everywhere from there on out with a rental car.

you would see the statue of liberty, the empire state building, acadia national park, walters art gallery, the national aquarium, and so many other places you and spencer had looked through together.

part of you felt guilty for doing this without him, but you figured since he wanted you dead he could just go see the places by himself. he'd probably enjoy them even more without you, anyway.

you had decided to turn your phone off, not wanting to be bothered by the nuisance of social media, but you left your work phone on in case of an emergency. you had gotten a video camera in hopes of recording your journey.

you sent postcards at every location you went to. you even sent them pictures of you and your family together, smiles in every single one of them.

your mom and step dad were overjoyed to see you. they could tell there was something that pushed you for this vacation other than just needing a break from work, but they didn't push since they were just excited to see you.

you videoed them upon your arrival, them hugging you tightly and your dogs jumping on you.

the sights were absolutely stunning. you couldn't believe how amazing the views were. they were more incredible than you could imagine.

part of you couldn't stop thinking about spencer and how much you missed him. you had wanted to see these places together, but you figured he never wanted to see you again.

so at each spot, you made a separate video dedicated to spencer. you told him how part of you wished he was there to tell you his facts he had about the places. you told him how you wished he actually wanted to be there with you, but understood that he needed his own space.

as happy as you seemed in those pictures and at those sights, when you got back to your hotels you would break down.

you didn't understand how spencer could be so cruel to you after you trying to be the best friend you could be.

now you had one more week of vacation and you only had one more sight to see, the one you were the most excited about.

*

the day spencer blew up on you, he couldn't get over how rude his words had been. he decided to leave you be the next few days, letting you both cool off from the blowup that had ensued.

the day he had gone back to work, he got you your favorite muffin, coffee, and flowers. he placed them on your desk waited for you to walk through the doors so he could beg for your forgiveness.

but you didn't show up.

he went into hotch's office in hopes of finding answers, only to be told that you had requested time off.

he was riddled with guilt from the new information. you had practically fled because of his words.

he didn't talk to anyone the rest of the day. he just finished his paperwork quickly and went home.

when he saw the postcards you had sent emily, jj, derek, penelope, rossi, and hotch, he felt part of his heart break.

all of the places you went were the places he wanted to take you.

he wanted to tell you the fun facts about those places that he researched just to see your smile. he wanted to hold your hand as you looked out on new york as you stood in the empire state building. he wanted those experiences with you.

and there you were experiencing them without him. enjoying them like you had never discussed them with him yourself.

and you never even sent him a postcard.

during all of this, spencer had received the cold shoulder from practically everyone. they had stopped asking him out after cases, and didn't talk to him unless it had to do with the cases they were on.

"morgan! can you at least tell me why everyone's treating me like this?" spencer begged him to reveal the truth for what felt like the millionth time.

"reid. you're telling me you seriously don't know why everyone's mad at you?" he scoffed. "you're a profiler. figure it out," he demanded as he turned to walk back to his desk, unaware that the shaggy haired man had followed him.

"i've tried. please, just tell me," he asked, his eyes welling with tears.

"because of what you told her, reid," morgan sighed, finally looking at the man standing beside him. "you told her you wanted her dead. we all know her past struggles, and you still told her you wished she was dead. that was so beyond low, reid," morgan informed the man.

spencer stood there, taking in the information.

he didn't realize that nobody knew why he had said that. nobody knew why he pushed you away.

"sh-she really believes that?" spencer asked, watching morgan nod. "i don't want her dead. i need her. i've always needed her. i'll always need her," he shook his head in frustration, running his hand through his hair. "i-i said that because i realized how much i needed her. i realized how much i love her and it terrified me. i was just scared of those feelings, morgan. sh-she can't go. i can't lose her, derek," spencer cried, tears streaming down his face as he admitted his feelings for the first time out loud.

"well you sure have a funny way of showing it, reid," morgan rolled his eyes before sighing in compliance. "if you really love her, show her that. she's traveling alone right now, thinking you hate her and thinking that you don't want her in the world right now," morgan shook his head as he stood up to hand some files in to hotch.

"i know. b-but what should i do?" the boy genius wondered.

"go to her, dumbass. let her know how you feel and how much of a dumbass you are," morgan said as he walked off to hand his files in.

spencer ran to penelope's lair in hopes to track where you were.

"garcia!" spencer said upon entrance.

"reid. what do you want?" she asked in a monotoned voice.

"garcia, please just listen to me. you have to hear my side of the story, please," he begged. she turned around in her chair to face spencer, raising her eyebrows to entice him to finish the story. "i love her," he ripped the band-aid off. "i'm in love with her, and i only realized it when i thought i might lose her forever. and that feeling... it-it terrified me. so, i pushed her away. i couldn't... i couldn't go on knowing that she didn't feel the same, so i ruined our friendship."

"spencer..." penelope sighed, bringing her hand up to her forehead in an attempt to not explode on the man in front of her. "she was absolutely devastated. she went to the bar that night and... she drank. you know that she never drinks, spencer. not since her dad was in that car accident. she was distraught because you knew her past. you knew and you still yelled that at her..." penelope looked at the tears in his eyes, realizing how much he truly felt for you. "but i guess i can help you. although i promised her i wouldn't tell you anything!" she chastised. spencer ran over and hugged her tightly.

"oh thank you so much, garcia! thank you!!" he exclaimed excitedly. "i'm gonna go tell hotch i need a week off to visit her!" he said before running out of garcia's office.

penelope had gotten the information he needed from tracking your work phone, and gave it to him. spencer was approved to leave abruptly by hotch, him being understanding of the direct of the situation.

truth be told, hotch had a suspicion reid was the reason you left. he had noticed the tension between the two of you after they got you back from the unsub, and just came to a conclusion after you asked for time off.

so of course he let spencer have time off. he hoped he would try to fix things between the two of you. hotch was a bit worried you might leave the into if things weren't resolved, so whatever would keep you with them would work.

spencer figured you'd choose to go to the place you were most excited about last. you always wanted that kind of flare, the buildup to the most beautiful sight you'd see. when penelope told him where you were after tracking your phone, he wasn't surprised in the slightest.

he ordered the first ticket to upstate new york, and reserved a room at the hotel he found you had been staying at after garcia tracked your credit card purchases.

*

"morgan, i just finished packing," spencer said while on the phone with his friend, putting his suitcase into the back of a cab so he could get to the airport.

"good. don't forget to have flare, reid. women love that stuff," morgan chuckled.

"not y/n, morgan. she wouldn't want that attention," spencer practically scoffed at him while shutting the trunk, now stepping into the back of the cab.

"right, right. my bad," he raised his hands in defense in spite of spencer not being able to see him.

"aright, i've got to go now," spencer announced.

"let me know how it goes, alright?" morgan requested, still feeling a little eager at the entire situation going down.

"of course," spencer accepted. "bye."

spencer sighed as he gave the cab driver the address of the airport. he wasn't sure about him confessing his feelings for you, but that's the only way to show you how sorry he was, and how he didn't mean a word he had said to you.

he hated the past three weeks without you. without your gentle touch, melodious laughter piercing his ears at one of his crummy jokes. without the sight of your beautiful smile, or the way your voice sounded while mindlessly singing as you attempted to teach him how to cook.

he found himself watching videos he had of you and him together, scrolling through your pictures.

some were silly, goofy pictures you had taken of the two of you. some of the pictures were of you and him in formal wear at rossi's, him looking at you in your dress like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen... mostly because you are. some are of you asleep on his couch cuddled into his chest and gripping onto him in the midst of your dream, your smile signified that it was a good dream, at that.

he didn't know when he fell in love. all he knew was that he had fallen. hard. he didn't even care enough to figure out when the exact moment was, and he might as well have not tried.

he fell in love with you over time.

because over time you would reveal a little bit more of yourself to him that he found himself admiring. at first it was the way you secretly had a crush on james t. kirk. then it was that you snort when you truly laugh... something you were insecure about but he found even more adorable.

then it was about your dad.

it was about the car accident that ensued after a drunk driver slammed into him.

then he understood why you were so protective over the team when they went out together. you never drank, and always drove the girls and morgan home when they drank too much. you took the responsibility because you couldn't stand the thought of losing them like you had your own father years ago.

his death is what made you question everything, including your own existence. you didn't understand why he was gone, and left you behind.

on the anniversary of his death, you and spencer had gone to his grave to mourn him. he held you while you cried, and helped you eat the picnic you had brought with you.

so no, there wasn't a specific moment where he could pinpoint where he fell in love with you. this was merely because there's so much love he has for you that he's pretty sure he'll never stop falling in love.

once the plane landed in new york, he took a cab to the hotel you were both staying at and got everything ready. he remembered everything you were doing that day, and decided to surprise you at the one place he knew you were going to love the most.

niagara falls.

he got dressed in jeans and a white button up shirt. he put a brown sweater vest overtop the button up, and wore his black converse and satchel.

he had stopped by to get your favorite flowers. he got a mixture because he knows how you hate only being able to have one favorite - marigolds, daisies, asters, lilies, white tulips, and lilacs. you love the mixture of the colors together.

he planned to stop by your room and give you the flowers, begging for your forgiveness and admit his undying love for you. no problem.

then the time came.

his palms were sweaty, he could practically tell his voice would crack upon his admission to you. worst case scenario, you say you hate his guts and never want to see him, transfer out of the team, and he never sees you again. that's something he can't let happen.

best case scenario, you return his feelings and let him see this one last place with you as a truce. he gets to tell you the facts he learned just for this experience, and you live happily ever after.

he really hopes it's best case scenario.

meanwhile, you were looking through your suitcase. you had realized the last sweater you brought with you was spencer's, you just didn't realize it upon packing. you felt the tears pricking the corner of your eyes, threatening to spill over.

you could throw the sweater away, and just wear one of your other shirts. or you could bask in his scent one last time before christening your life from him.

that decision had to wait, because there was a knock on your door.

you threw a robe over your shirtless body, and ran to open the door. your face fell upon seeing who was there. you were confused, shocked that you saw the man you thought hated your guts at your door, with flowers nonetheless.

"s-spencer?" you questioned, squinting your eyes as if he was someone else.

"h-hi, y/n," spencer swallowed. your eyes widened upon this revelation before you scoffed and swiftly slammed the door shut.

you ran to get the sweater on and over your head, but spencer had thought you were shutting him out. he thought you were turning him away before he even had a chance to express his feelings.

"please let me explain, y/n!" he exclaimed, banging on the door before you swiftly opened it again.

"yeesh, smartypants," you joked as you used to, a small smile playing on your lips. "i was just putting a shirt on," you said before moving out of the doorway, signaling him to come inside.

"i uhm... i got these for you," he handed you the flowers after you shut the door behind you.

"thank you," you pulled your lips into a tight lipped smile before sighing. "why are you here?" you bit your bottom lip softly, trying to refrain yourself from crying just at the sight of seeing him.

you sat down on the edge of the bed, patting beside you for him to sit down. you began twiddling your fingers in your lap, avoiding his gaze.

"i'm about to say something, and then i'll explain something," he said slowly, forgetting every single word he had practiced before coming into your room, seeing your face in person, viewing your smile, noticing you still wearing his sweater... giving him a glimmer of hope. "when you got caught by the unsub... i broke. i broke like i never have before, and i didn't know why," he sighed. "until i did," he reached his hand over to grab yours gently. "i'm in love with you."

your face shot up, finally looking him in the eyes, confusion displayed in yours.

"i've been falling in love with you for... who know how long. all i know is that i thought i had lost you, and crumpled without you. i can't do anything without you. i can't live without you. i need you," he said, tears filling his on eyes as you placed a hand on top of his.

"so w-why'd you tell me that..." you trailed off, your eyes gazing downward in fear.

"because," he used his free hand to grasp your chin softly, pulling it up to meet his eyes, "i was terrified," he moved his hand to cup your cheek. "i was scared about our friendship being ruined because i loved you, and because i was scared i pushed you away. i know that's no excuse, and nothing can excuse what i said to you. ever. but i'll spend every second of my life trying to make it up to you. please... just say you'll let me make it up to you," tears were now streaming steadily down his face.

"spencer," you took you hands out of his, leaving his hand on your knee, and wiped his face with both of them.

you leaned in slowly, looking him in the eyes to see if he understood what you were about to do. he met you somewhere in the middle, connecting your lips together in a frenzy of sentiment, longing, and passion. it was build up of every emotion the two of you have been harboring for as long as either of you could remember.

his hand on your face remained there, pulling you into him a little more. his other went slightly higher on your knee, now meeting your thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze as your hands moved to the back of his neck.

when you opened your mouth for his tongue to enter, it met yours tentatively, slowly exploring every crevice, you doing the same. neither of you fought for dominance, allowing there to be certain kind of harmony to the moment the both of you have been dreaming of for so long.

you slowly pulled back, being sure to look in his eyes to see nothing but admiration and endearment in them.

"i love you too, spencer," you grinned softly. "but that doesn't mean i can just forget what you said..." you said before he wrapped you in his arms.

"i absolutely understand, of course," he sniffled. his hands were wrapped around your waist, pulling your body impossibly closer to his. "don't leave, please," he begged as you embraced him by his neck, pulling his face down into the crevice in your neck.

"never again," you complied, feeling his smile against the skin on your neck, a slight chuckle leaving your lips at the sentiment. your hands found their way to his hair, running them though the locks gently. "wait!" you said as you jolted off of the bed to stand up. "how did you know where i was?"

"well..." spencer stood up and made his way back to you. "garcia helped a bit, and i realized that out of all of the places we talked about visiting, you haven't been to your favorite one yet. and because you're you, you saved the best for last," he finished as he wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you closer to him.

"penelope!!" you huffed, your arms locking behind his neck. "i swore her to secrecy an you broke her!" you exclaimed. "oh well, she lasted longer than i expected," you shrugged before leaning in to give spencer another kiss.

"yea, i had to confess my love for you to her first so she'd tell me," he whispered before leaning in with you slowly, you pulling back a bit at what he revealed.

"how many people know?" you questioned, playing with the hair on his neck and brows furrowed.

"well derek knows, garcia knows, i'm pretty sure hotch has a suspicion, so at this point most likely everyone on the team," he bent down to begin kissing your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

"oh?" you asked as he mumbled a 'mmhmm' against your skin.

you're breathing slowed down as he began to suck on the soft spot on your neck, a warm feeling rushing straight to your core  you tugged gently on his curls, a soft moan leaving the both of your lips.

"spencer..." you quietly called. "i have to be there in two and a half hours," you trailed off, your hand now running through the top of his hair, all the way down, feeling the softness of his locks between your fingers.

end of part 1 ;)

[erin-bo-berin]

Birthday Surprise

MASTERLIST

So I actually got this idea from a adult romance book I read last year and it was so humorous, I knew I wanted to write a scenario like it with Spencer and the team. Besides, Spencer can be funny at times too.  Hope you enjoy!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: M (smut)

Word Count: 2,529

You can’t believe you let your best friend talk you into this.

“It will be a great birthday present!” Bree exclaimed, beaming.

You grumble to yourself. This was a better idea in theory than reality.

Your boyfriend, Spencer Reid, had a birthday coming up. It was the last year of his 30’s and you really wanted to do something special for him, but with every gift you thought of, it just didn’t seem to be enough.

That was when Bree, the grand schemer of all schemes, came up with what she thought was a brilliant idea. 

She worked at a nice, upscale restaurant as a waitress. Also, she had one of the nicest sections. You were to make reservations for you two and you would hide under the table for when he arrived and you could give him a secretive, surprise blow job. It would be hot and memorable, she said.

You arrived at the restaurant 15 minutes early. Bree had managed to snag you a table that was off in a corner, with more privacy and helped you under the table. Which is where you currently were.

It all sounded great when she had hatched the idea, now you just felt silly, your knees were numb and your feet were falling asleep. You were about ready to give up and come out from under the table with your tail between your legs when you heard voices approaching your table.

“Here’s your table, sir, I’ll be right back with your menu,” Bree said, probably louder than she should have. 

With one rap against the table, you knew that she was giving you the signal that you two were alone now. 

You watch as he sat down and you see his familiar black converse suddenly appear inches from your legs, his black suit pants accompanying the shoes. He’d probably just come from work.

You hesitate, not sure if you should go through this, but decide you’ll never get another chance like this. You’re reaching out for his belt buckle when you hear Bree’s voice, loud and close again.

“Can I help you?”

There was a pause and then a mixture of voices you didn’t recognize.

“Let me see if I have a bigger table available in my area! I’ll be just one second!” 

Bree’s voice is suddenly high pitched, sounding frantic. You know her voice only sounds like that during super busy shifts, when she’s panicked and freaking out. Something is wrong and you have no idea what’s going on.

Your phone buzzes in your purse. You twist around, not easily, to retrieve it from your bag. It’s a text from Bree.

ABORT MISSION. More dinner guests.

Your brows furrow. You have no earthly idea what she’s talking about. You send back a few question marks.

A huge group of people just showed up to your and Spencer’s table.

Your phone vibrates repeatedly with multiple texts from your friend.

Tall assassin looking black woman.

Hispanic looking guy with nice hair.

Buff Asian hottie with tattoo.

Italian grandpa.

Brunette boss lady with bangs.

Pretty blonde with killer legs.

Another blonde wearing every color in the rainbow and cute shoes.

You stop breathing for a second. They all sound like Spencer’s coworkers.

As in coworkers from the team in the unit of the FBI, where he works. This was not how you planned to meet them for the first time.

You have no idea why they’re here though, so you’re just as bewildered as Bree. But you’ve started to panic, trying to figure out how you’re gonna escape with no one seeing you. It would be humiliating to meet Spencer’s work family like this.

How the hell am I gonna get out from under the table without them knowing?

Don’t worry, I got this.

You hear the clicking of heels approaching and hear Bree talking to the team.

“We’re working on that table, why don’t I escort you all to the bar so you can see our drink menu.”

“I’ll wait here with you, Spence,” a male voice said.

“Damnit,” you mumble.

Now your escape was going to be even harder.

The majority of the voices fade away with Bree’s and you sighed, resigned to the fact that you’re going to be stuck under this table for a while.

You make a mental note not to listen to another one of Bree’s ideas.

“So, kid, did you tell Y/N that you were inviting us to your birthday dinner? We’re all so excited to meet her.”

“No,” Spencer answered the deep, older sounding voice, “I wanted to surprise her because I was afraid if I told her beforehand she’d stress out about meeting all of you.”

Well that explained that.

You were surprised alright. 

“How long have you been together now? Over a year? And we haven’t even met her yet? Are you sure you haven’t made her up?”

You bite your thumbnail trying your hardest not to laugh out loud.

“No, Rossi, I haven’t made her up. She’s real. Besides you know every time we tried to make plans something has come up.”

“Quite conveniently too, I might add.”

You already like this guy.

“She should be here soon,” Spencer said.

You catch a glimpse of him pulling his phone out of his pants pocket, positive he’s checking if there’s any missed texts or phone calls from you.

You guess now is the best time of any to make him aware of your presence. 

Your hand slides up his thigh and you choke back your cackle when he practically jumps ten feet in the air.

“Something wrong?” 

“Uh I dropped my phone under the table, let me just get it.”

His chair scoots back and he bends down under the table, pretending to retrieve his phantom fallen cell phone. His eyes widen when he sees you under the table. You give a meek smile and wave in return.

You point to your phone, miming texting to tell him that’s the only way you can talk without being found out.

“Oh found it. It fell against the wall.”

Spencer sits back up again, pulling his chair in as he settles.

“I think I’m gonna text Y/N, just so I can get her ETA,” Spencer says calmly.

He’s way too good at staying calm in situations, so you’re not too surprised that he sounds completely normal even though he just discovered his girlfriend curled up in an uncomfortable position, under a table in a restaurant.

I’m afraid to ask why you’re under the table.

That was one good thing about Spencer; he didn’t have a mean bone in his body. So instead of mocking you, embarrassing you or even being angry, he approached most things calmly. Although you’re sure he’s secretly dying of amusement over this. You’re positive this isn’t going to be the last time you hear about this.

Well, I was kinda hoping to surprise you for your birthday with a hot, secret blowjob...but it kinda blew up in my face instead of how you were supposed to.

You hear him snort above you which he quickly covers with a cough.

“Y/N should be here soon. She’s probably closer than she thinks.”

You hit his leg. What a smart ass he is, although technically he is a smart ass but that’s another story.

Help me get out of here. I don’t want to exactly pop out to meet your teammates like “hi I was just hiding out for a nice birthday sexcapade nice to meet you”.

Technically doesn’t that mean an illicit affair?

Spencer, we really need to introduce you to Urban Dictionary.

A chorus of voices approach the table.

“Any update on that table?” came a female voice.

“Nothing yet. But, uh, have you seen their amazing aquarium? Come on, I’ll show it to you!”

“I gotta head to the ladies room, I’ll find you at our new table.”

This voice was a different female voice from the first one.

You wait until the numerous voices get far enough from the table when you decide to peek from underneath the tablecloth. You curse, seeing a woman that looks a lot like what Bree described as the brunette boss lady walking in your direction. That was most definitely Spencer’s boss. 

You drop the tablecloth like it’s on fire, concealing yourself once again. You watch as the feet pass by the table and brave another look. Thankfully, it’s all clear.

You dash as fast as you towards the kitchen. If Bree is in there, your hands might find their way around her neck.

•

“Bree, that could’ve been disastrous!” you shriek, causing a few of the kitchen staff to peer over at you.

Sorry, you mouth, wincing.

“Well it’s not like Spencer is mad is it?” she asked, loading plates onto her tray.

“No, but he’s not going to let me live it down.”

“Hey, think of it this way. He’s gonna be thinking of that BJ the entire dinner,” she smirked.

“I’m never listening to another one of your hair brained ideas,” you grumbled.

“Hey, you’ll thank me later,” she sing-songed lifting the tray of food to her shoulder, “Now just go out the back kitchen door, walk around to the front of the restaurant and it will be like nothing ever happened.”

She was gone through the swinging doors in a jiff and you sighed, heading towards the back door.

•

It takes a whole ten minutes for you to circle the entire building before you finally reach the front doors. You attempted to compose yourself and straighten your red mini dress before entering and going to find the new table. You spot them a few minutes later and walk up nervously.

“There she is!”

Spencer’s face lights up when he sees you and suddenly you don’t feel as nervous as you did seconds before. He loved this group of people and that meant a lot to have a Spencer seal of approval. Maybe the night wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“Did you take the subway here?” Emily asked.

“Um, yes. That’s why I’m late, I’m so sorry.”

“I sure hope it wasn’t too crowded down there—I mean in there,” Spencer smirks.

You shoot him an exasperated look and are met with one of his thousand kilowatt smiles.

Turns out, dinner wasn’t so bad after all.

•

“You were right; they were all incredibly nice,” you say as you and Spencer walk in the door of your apartment, “I love them.”

“I knew you would,” he smiled.

“So, have you had a great birthday?”

“Well I’ve had quite the unusual one, that’s for sure.”

You stifle a groan as you kick off your heels in the hallway.

“I still can’t believe you actually hid under a table to surprise me.”

He’s already laughing again.

“I’m still gonna kill Bree.”

“Hey,” he grabs you by the arm, turning you towards him, “I’m incredibly flattered that you went to such lengths for me.”

“Really?” you asked timidly.

“Of course,” he smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, “Not every girlfriend would plan to blow their boyfriend in front of his coworkers.”

“Spencer!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he chuckled, leaning against the hallway wall, pulling you towards him and kissing you.

“Mm, well it is still your birthday, you know,” you say devilishly, biting his bottom lip gently then kissing him again.

You pull away, taking a hold of his tie before leading him to the bedroom. It takes a few minutes for you both to make it there as he stops you frequently to steal a kiss or two.

Finally at your destination, you push him against the closed bedroom door, fingers pulling off his tie. Your lips trail his jaw then neck, fingers fumbling over his button down. 

He chuckles amused, aiding you. Your mouth travels down his neck and over his chest, making slow work of your descent. He watches you closely as you fall to your knees, a kiss placed just above the waistline of his pants. Your hand comes up to press against the forming bulge in his pants and he groans lowly.

“I may not have been able to do this earlier, but we’ve got all the time in the world now,” you bite your lip and peer up at him innocently.

Popping the button and pulling his zipper down, you push his pants down over his hips. The edges of your fingers dip into the waistband of his underwear and you hear the sharp intake of his breath; you can tell how much he’s anticipating this.

Apparently Bree was right and he had been thinking about it all dinner long, especially if his small stolen touches under the table were any indicator. There would be a gentle touch on your thigh, slowly sliding just a bit too close towards your inner thigh; an arm wrapped around your back, his fingers just casually brushing the bottom swell of your breast. He had been ready for this hours ago and you were ready to give it to him.

Your eyes don’t leave his as the clothing is pulled downwards and you wrap a hand around him, squeezing just hard enough to cause his head to fall back with a dull thud against the door, a groan coming from deep in his throat.

You lean down, tongue swirling around the tip, agonizing slow, your fingertips ever so slightly tracing down his length.

“Oh god,” he groaned, “Don’t tease me, Y/N.”

“Not so fun when you're not the one dishing it out, now is it?”

He could be the ultimate tease in the bedroom, so this taste of his own medicine was long overdue.

Your tongue swirls around him before taking him in your mouth, his moan of relief and pleasure filling your ears. 

With hollowed cheeks, you alternate your speed and pressure, keeping him on his toes, making your next move unpredictable to him.

“Baby, please.”

His moans are louder and more frequent as his hand moves into your hair. You look up through your lashes as you work him, keeping your gaze locked on him. You think you actually hear him whimper.

Your hand pumps the rest of him, your wrist turning as your mouth moves on him, your tongue whirling as if you’re enjoying a favorite ice cream cone.

His hand tightens in your hair and you can tell he’s close to losing all control. 

“Y/N, Y/N, fuck, fuuuuck,” he groans finally letting go and succumbing to his ecstasy.

You take all he has in stride, discreetly wiping your mouth when you pull back although you’re sure he’s too dazed to notice.

“Happy birthday to me,” Spencer mumbles, pulling you to your feet and kissing you.

You break the chaste kiss, backing up towards the bed.

“Well lucky for you, there’s still three and a half hours left of your birthday. How about we do a little more celebrating?”

It takes him all of two steps to cross the room and take you in his arms, causing you to giggle.

Yeah, this would be a birthday he wouldn’t forget anytime soon.

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[krokodile]

Since Nat is now a canon wlw (I mean the “Puff Divers” was all the confirmation we really needed, but their outright saying it was nice) and things didn’t work out with her ex, I want an episode where the Belchers play matchmaker.  

I’ve even come up with some potential matches.  

 Martha, the Wind Gap Hermit.  Tough, offbeat, a little crazy.  Possible con: will lie to make herself look good.

Dot, sound and effects tech lady.  Has a good can-do attitude, loves unusual foods, can turn any moment into a good time.  Possible con: probable bad breath.

Alice, owner of When Hairy Met Smoothie.  Owns her own business, has unique ideas, doesn’t let people push her around.  Possible con: hates Louise Belcher.

April, Wharfy enthusiast.  Owns a thriving savory candle business, has unique passions, never gives up.  Possible con: hangs out with small children on a boat.

Patricia, sandwich shop owner.  Great cook, thrives in chaos, witty.  Possible con: married to the job. 

Christy, soccer coach.  Athletic, intense, gets invested in things with impossibly low stakes.  Possible con: demands 110% at all times.

Miss Jacobsen, Tina’s English teacher.  Hot, nice to struggling students, involved in the community.  Possible con: easily overwhelmed by Belcher shenanigans.

Rose, former Wagstaff student.  Artistic, helpful, good mother.  Possible con: turns children into pinatas.

Doris, riding camp instructor.  Loves animals, enjoys the outdoors, no-nonsense.  Possible con: horse girl.

Angie, essential oils salesperson.  Pretty, young, go-getter.  Possible con: MLM hun.

Emily Rogers, aquarium employee.  Loves animals, knows how to have fun, has access to sharks.  Possible con: possibly will never love anyone as much as sharks.

Annie Cragston, “The Annie-sassin.”  Open to new things, works to be a better person, has big plans for that novel.  Possible con: highly critical.

Kathy, portrait artist.  Talented, artistic, has cool friends.  Possible con: hipster.

Shelly, hiphop dance instructor.  Enthusiastic, motivated, energetic.  Possible con: might be Dena Rizzo.

Sofa Queen, Sofa Queen.  Successful, takes no shit, probably has a nice couch.  Possible con: might not have a name.

Meatcute, burger enthusiast.  Loves grilling, amazing mullet, stands by her principles.  Possible con: hates BurgerBob.

[aquariumdrunkard]

The Aquarium Drunkard Show: SIRIUS/XMU (7pm PDT, Channel 35)

Rendezvous With The Sun, pt. 2. Via satellite, transmitting from northeast Los Angeles — the Aquarium Drunkard Show on SIRIUS/XMU, channel 35. 7pm California time, Wednesdays.

Azymuth – Unknown Jam ++ Terry Callier – You Don’t Care ++ Keith Mansfield – Morning Broadway ++ Shintaro Sakamoto – Let’s Dance Raw (Instrumental) ++ The Giant Jellybean Copout – Look at the Girls ++ Haruomi Hosono – Bara To Yaju ++ The Raincoats – Shouting Out Loud ++ Ranking Ann – A Slice of English Toast ++ Dr. Alimantado – Still Alive (AD Dub Mix) ++ Francis Bebey – The Coffee Cola Song (AD edit) ++ Harold Alexander – Mama Soul ++ Susan Christie – Paint A Lady ++ Charles Mingus – Devil Woman (excerpt) ++ Akiko Yano – Funamachi-Uta Part 2 ++ Paul Piot – Un Coolie Recommande ++ John Cameron – Liquid Sunshine ++ Altın Gün – Tatlî Dile Güler Yüze ++ Henry Mancini – Lujon ++ Charles Grean – Beyond Antares ++ Robert Walter’s 20th Congress – Black Narcissus (AD Session) ++ Emily Remler – Afro Blue ++ Howard Wales – Rendezvous With The Sun (part 2)  ++ Bentho Gustave Titiou & L’international Poly-Rythmo – Iyame Dji Ki Bi Ni ++ Brian Bennett/Alan Hackshaw – Mermaid ++ Piero Umiliani – Viaggio Nell Inconscio ++ The Arbors – I Can’t Quit Her ++ PAINT – Heaven in Farsi ++ Scen Libaek – Where the Daring Go ++ Jean Claude Vannier – Katmandou 8 ++ Nino Nardini – Tropicola ++ Matsahiko Sato – Andy Warhol ++ Amedeo Tommasi – Ittiologia ++ Barry Forgie – Mediterranae ++ Lena Platonos – Aimatines skies apo apostasi ++ Bobby Womack – Jubilee (Don’t Let Nobody Turn You Around) ++ Gorillaz – Double Bass (AD edit) ++ Rocket Juice And The Moon – Forward Sweep

[eric-raleigh]

3, 10, 12, 15, 16.

3. tattoos i have The first one I got was a gecko on my shoulder blade, but I can’t remember if it’s the right or left one. I never look at my back in the mirror, apparently.  The second one I got was a tribal frog on my ankle. Left ankle...so that means the gecko is on my right side (all about balance). And third one is lower back. It’s one of my own designs with Emily Strange’s cat Neechee surrounded by some tribal art with Neechee’s symbol on either end. My next one will be on my left forearm. My friend is currently designing it. It’s going to be an unalome with a compass and possibly a lotus with the words ‘I’m the captain of my story.’  

10. biggest turn on(s) Kindness and humor, and someone equally as geeky as me.

12. ideas of a perfect date A science museum, an aquarium, an arcade, a zoo or wildlife ranch, horseback riding, the planetarium, a picnic in a botanical garden, stargazing, hiking. Activities where you can do things together without the pressure of sitting there, staring at each other, trying to think of interesting things to talk about. 

15. relationship status Hmm... -looks for the box that says willing to move halfway across the country for you-

16. favorite movie I........ have so many. Lady and the Tramp ranks really high, Variety Girl (1947) is one of my favorites. There’s a really amazingly bad (intentionally) B-rated movie called the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra that I watch at least once a year. Most of my favorites are stuff most people have never heard of or seen. But I have more recent faves like Star Wars, Harry Potter, things like that. If I have to pick one, though... Lady and the Tramp wins every time. 

[yourknightingale]

How Many Times They Fall Out Before All The Sparks and Rainbows

These are the times Beca and Chloe thought they could keep their feelings to themselves.

Chloe was a senior. That was supposedly her last performance with the Bellas. She was going to graduate and get a job so she could meet more people and forget her ‘silly crush’ (as Aubrey called it), or love at first right (as Chloe felt it). But, the universe had other plans and those supposes didn’t happen.

“Oh, Chloe. Will you be alright?” Aubrey had her wrapped in a tight embrace. “Will this Beca thing be a trouble? As much as first impressions go, you know she didn’t fit my taste but I admit, we won. So you have great eyes, you picked the right person. But your heart, bestie. Should I be worried leaving you here in Barden?”

Chloe didn’t even get a chance to answer back to anything her bestie had to say about Beca. “I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll be over it.”

Poor Chloe. She tried. When Beca kissed Jesse after the ICCA finals, she was sure she was over her. That was the first time she fell out.

-

Beca knew Chloe was a senior. It was just a stupid crush anyway. Like, the girl had to attack her in the shower, invade her personal space, and stand up for her. Those meant nothing. She was going to graduate and forget about her so what was the point?

Jesse was there. So she kissed him.

That was the first time she fell out.

-

Chloe dated a few people while in the Bellas house. They were nothing too serious as she was still in focus on winning their A Capella performances every year. And they did win two more times.

But she couldn’t help it. She still feel attached to Beca, even though romantically, said girl was in a relationship. 

Her feelings for the brunette grew and grew but she stopped right about the time they met Komissar.

It was silly. The German wasn’t even a threat but seeing Beca react like that, Chloe thought it was enough.

She was sure she loved Beca but all the built up tension exploded at the retreat. “So you’re just gonna leave now?” She yelled at her.

“We’ll have to eventually, Chloe.”

Beca was right. It was inevitable.

After that fight, they still managed to save their friendship. Only because Chloe chose to fall out the second time.

-

It was hard for Beca to see Chloe be with a few random people. They lived in the same house. All the other Bellas were just there to distract her from her budding feelings for the redhead.

She couldn’t be. She had Jesse. It felt like cheating every time she thought of Chloe non-platonically (which she totally did on some sleepless nights).

Beca wasn’t even confused. She knew it was there but she really had a boyfriend. So when Komissar entered the scene, she just lost control. All the things she repressed, she blew out towards the German.

She was sure she might have felt more for Chloe compared with the other Bellas. That was why she kept her internship a secret. She was thinking of Chloe.

Jesse knew about this and was even wondering why Chloe didn’t. He didn’t delve into it though because he was going to LA.

Beca had to let Jesse go.

At the retreat, she remembered saying, “It might as well be now.”

She was so stressed that she and Chloe got in a fight. She was just worried about life after the Bellas which was a life without Chloe.

Leaving would have been an option. But she was saved yet again by Chloe. Beca was afraid so for the second time, she chose to fall out.

-

The aca-deities had intervened and Chloe found herself living with Beca in the same apartment after graduation.

They had Fat Amy with them but this meant Chloe had to share a bed with Beca.

So much for falling out.

She was much closer to Beca, in mind and in body. It was very intimate but she didn’t want to entertain it. She was sure she was falling more and more in love with her everyday living in that tiny space. But there was still the uncertainty that Beca would even reciprocate. She couldn’t risk it. 

However, there was an incident where they went home drunk on a Friday night and both girls ended up making out on their bed. It was the months where Fat Amy was constantly disappearing doing who knew what in no one knew where.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Chloe panted in between sloppy kisses.

Beca shushed her and just continued holding her face and showering her with pecks and kisses.

Chloe was hoping the next morning that it would start something. She remembered how Beca was the one who pulled her in so many times. Beca was the one who left her lips swollen. Beca was the one who made sure Chloe wouldn’t forget how their kiss tasted.

But that night was never brought up. So Chloe, with her heart full of love for her one and only, had no choice but to fall out.

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

-

Beca knew it wasn’t a good idea but she just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. So she found herself sharing an apartment with Chloe and Fat Amy.

And she had to share a bed with Chloe which sucked big time because her heart wouldn’t stop beating so loud every night. Chloe was intoxicating. It was very hard to concentrate when the woman she’d been harbouring strong feelings for was right beside her, asleep and unaware. She felt so guilty just thinking about how close and intimate they were but like, just as friends. What even was that?

She was in love. There was no denying it. So one night, a few tequilas and alcohol confidence in, she went for it.

“I don’t see Amy anymore. We should go home.” She grabbed an equally drunk Chloe out of the bar and went straight to their apartment.

Beca remembered initiating it. She was the one who leaned in and captured Chloe’s mouth with hers. It was desperate. It was heated. Soon, they were making out and Chloe was talking about how she couldn’t believe this was happening.

She couldn’t believe it either but lips on lips seemed a greater idea at that moment should one of them decide to stop. No talking needed. Beca didn’t want to stop so she kissed Chloe like she missed out on it for years.

She was so in love with her and there was nothing in their way anymore. There was no Jesse. And Chloe wasn’t dating anyone. What would stop her from making their relationship a level higher?

The next morning, she chickened out. Chloe didn’t bring it up either. So Beca, with her heart stolen and owned by an unsuspecting redhead, had no choice but to fall out.

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

-

They were invited for a mini-reunion at the Brooklyn aquarium. Chloe was thrilled to be with her ladies again. It was a good distraction like the same kind that helped her during Barden years. 

There was something about seeing Emily and the New Bellas perform that made her emotional though. They all looked so young and pretty and would certainly have thriving love lives. 

“They all definitely have boyfriends.” She cried out while watching them perform.

Chloe had been single for long, it was even news to Aubrey.

“I thought you would have worked it out by now, bestie.” The blonde took her aside after their USO plans in the bar. “Beca wasn’t supposed to be trouble for you, remember? I thought, at the retreat, it was over. Romantically, I mean. What happened?”

Chloe took a sip from her beer bottle before responding. “You and me both. I thought I was over her, too. I fell out so many times, Aubrey. But I keep coming back to her for some reasons. She’s gravity and I have fallen. I’m in love.”

“And drunk. You’re drunk.” Her bestfriend took her drink from her and the Bellas all decide to split and go home. They were about to go on tour so they needed all the rest they could get.

Chloe found herself walking home with Beca. It was a quiet walk with no Amy in sight. The Australian probably hanged out with some other Bellas or had found herself a one-night stand. Either way, Chloe couldn’t explain why the silence had made her worry.

-

At the Brooklyn aquarium, Beca enjoyed being with her awesome nerds again. Even seeing how Emily handled the New Bellas made her feel a sense of pride inside. It was a bummer that miscommunication made her not show how proud she was. 

Not only that, she heard Chloe react to the younger Bellas.

Beca had never made the most confusing look in her entire life and she gave that look to Chloe. The redhead missed it.

She was so confused. Why was she crying? Why was she sad that the New Bellas “definitely have boyfriends”? What did that mean for her? Chloe could get anyone if she wanted. Yet, she didn’t even see her date anyone in a while. Why? What was stopping her?

At that moment, Beca saw a slight hint of hope. That maybe Chloe was waiting. She was off the whole time at the bar but she still agreed to the USO tour. Still functioning, she appeared to be. She just didn’t realize how her face had shown so much. Before she knew it, she heard Amy whisper beside her.

“I’ll give you two some time alone.” The Australian didn’t even give context whatsoever. She just went her way after saying that.

Beca was thankful for it. She and Chloe went home together and all the while she was thinking so hard on how to approach the subject. She recalled how she believed she fell out for Chloe so many times in the past but there was no hiding it anymore. She was absolutely head over heels for her (but in a very Beca way.)

The ladies reached their apartment. When the door clicked to a lock, Beca’s voice broke the silence in the room.

“Why were you so sad that Emily’s crew all have boyfriends?” Beca didn’t rehearse that. It just came out since really, she wondered why. “I mean, is that something that bothers you?”

Chloe just froze, her back on Beca. It took her a second to get her words together. “I, uh, I don’t know. Seeing them perform earlier just made me feel things. Like you’ve seen them, right? They were great. I’m sure boys fall for them all the time.”

She paused to breathe and continued, “It made me think. Was I even that attractive when we sing and dance? I mean, maybe. But when we’re not performing, am I just like nobody? It’s also my fault ‘cause I’m not looking but must be nice to be wanted from time to time. I don’t know. It’s silly. I don’t even want that. You know what I mean? Like, I didn’t know I wanted to be wanted by other people. I don’t think I want to be wanted by other people. Maybe I just want to be wanted by one. Or something like that. I don’t know. It’s weird. I get emotional all the time, you know me.”

Beca didn’t know how to respond. That was a lot of words. She stepped forward to get closer to Chloe and went back to how she felt that night they made out. Literally, nothing was stopping them from being together. She had to be bold.

“It’s funny because I thought I could make you feel better.” Well, she could’ve opened better.

Beca expected Chloe to say, “What do you mean, Beca?”  Or, “I don’t think so.” But that wasn’t the case.

Chloe turned to face Beca and she looked her in the eyes. “Maybe you can.”

Their gaze lingered. Both fell into a non-spoken mutual understanding. It was like all the things they kept for years were poured out in space and surrounded them. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything after that night. I guess, I was just not ready enough to be someone who can be with you. You’re too precious for me, Chloe.” She finally confessed.

Chloe wasn’t surprised or shocked. She was expecting this to happen at some point (for years now actually but no matter). She knew there was a reason why she couldn’t just stay away from Beca. She knew there was a connection that would explain why even when she tried to ignore her feelings, they kept resurfacing. 

She pressed a finger to Beca’s lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, too. I could’ve said I’m only waiting for you.” She puts her finger away and giggled. “You have no idea how many times I tried to fall out but I’m just so in love with you, Beca Mitchell.”

Poor Beca blushed and stuttered, “D-dude, it’s weird hearing you say that like, out loud. I’m not imagining this, am I?”

Chloe quickly closed the gap between them and gave Beca the softest kiss they ever shared. “Nope.”

“I-I, gosh, did you just kiss me?” A stunned Beca was a non-functioning Beca but she quickly recovered when Chloe kissed her again. “Okay, that wasn’t an accident then. Man, Chloe! You don’t know this but I also kinda dismissed the fact that I’m in love with my best friend.”

“Why didn’t you do anything? I sleep with you every night.” Chloe teased.

Beca just shook her head and said, “Honestly? I didn’t really think you’d feel the same way.”

“I thought the same thing, too.” Chloe admitted, taking Beca’s hand. “Are we going to forget this in the morning like last time?”

Beca led them both to their beds, “Well, I remember last time we were kinda busy here on the bed. How about we find out again tomorrow?”

Chloe cupped Beca’s cheek. “I’m not opposed to that.”

-

The next morning, Beca was having a cup of coffee in their small kitchen when she heard Chloe say, “Good morning!”

She spun around to see a sleepy Chloe with her disheveled hair and red lips. “Morning! You want some coffee?”

The redhead just sat up. “Did Amy not come home?”

“No, I don’t think so.” She busied herself by pouring Chloe a cup of hot beverage.

Beca’s heart was beating fast. What if last night was forgotten again? They did have a drink and alcohol in their system so it wouldn’t be a wonder.

“Beca,” Chloe started. Even she was worried about last night’s confession but she didn’t want to ignore it this time. “About last night,” she saw Beca bring the cup of coffee to her lips, “I just want to make it clear that I’m not in love with you anymore.”

She saw the brunette froze on the spot and regretted her choice of words. “I- I, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry, I just woke up from a wonderful night. Thoughts are still foggy.”

Beca let out a quiet “Okay”.

“I am in love with you. But I think I have been for years. Anyway, please don’t freak out but,” Chloe smiled at Beca, making this pause for dramatic purposes, “I love you.”

“Dude, Chloe,” Beca almost dropped the cup. Her shaky hands put it on the table and she walked over to the redhead by the bed, “You almost gave me a heart attack. That was really scary because I love you, too, weirdo.”

“Come cuddle!” Chloe pulled her down with her and Beca fell on top. It took them a while but they both ended up where they should.

 Maybe it was meant to be.

[the-english-cavalry]

"Babe, guess. What." Emily burbled into the phone as soon as Lena picked up, "Guess who has a client job out near your base. This lady!!! For a whole month!!! Babe, can you see if you can come down off the base for a bit? I want to romance the hell out of you and take advantage of just working in the same city because oh my gods, it's going to be great and I miss you so much and hi, how are you doing love?" Emily finally paused for a breath, grinning into the phone. (Greenscarvesandredhair)

@greenscarvesandredhair

Lena had honestly been fairly quick to pick up the phone but in her haste, she had fumbled quite a bit and almost dropped it. Quick reactions and fast hands stopped such a horrible fate luckily.

As soon as she heard Emily she smiled. Her excited little teaspoon! Listening on what was said she honestly understood why she was so excited. Would Emily be within walking distance or at the very least within a distance she could visit her a lot more with? Jackpot.

“Oh. That’s wonderful to hear, love! I miss you too and you’ve to tell me when you get here! We need to go to the local café as it has this really nice barista and you’ll love her. She has a little dog and is so very patient? She almost has as beautiful of a laugh as you do love and there is a small little market nearby that has so much to see!” It then hit her that maybe Emily wanted to hear a bit more romantic stuff.

“I saw this restaurant with a view of the sea and it has these nice little fishes in an aquarium? You’ll love it?” A short pause followed when her mind finally seemed to get that she had been asked about how she had been doing, missed that in her haste to talk about the town “I’ve been doing fine, love. I was able to take a picture of a deer while we were out on a mission!”

[whippedkoalas]

Drabble Noora & Chris

Emily request a drabble 

I hope you’ll enjoy this one too. 

Noora & Penetrator-Chris  
43 “YOU DID WHAT ?!”

Chris is at the library, trying to study when Noora calls him.

« You did what?! » he says a little bit too loud. Everybody suddenly looks at him and he leaves the library. « Wait a minute »

« Ok, Noora. I’m listening » « I broke William’s aquarium.» she says. « YOU DID WHAT ?! » he repeats. « Oi, Chris. You heard me. Now help me » « His aquarium is broken, like broken broken? » « Yeah. Come on Chris, help me » he can picture her rolling her eyes even remotely. « Your best option is to literally flee the country, Noora » he says, amused. « It’s… not funny » she replies. and, yeah. Right. « Oops! Sorry. Did you save his goldfishes or nah? » « Yeah, of course, I did.  They’re safe in the box he has to clean the aquarium but they can’t stay there. » « So you have to buy another aquarium » he says. « So, you need to drive me to the store now so I can buy a new aquarium. » she says, probably smiling. « I'm studying. Can’t you call Eskild or Chris? » « No. Eskild is working and Chris is busy with her new man » « Chris has a boyfriend and nobody told me? » He replies. « Apparently. But, Chris, focus! This is an Emergency. » « Can’t you wait until William comes home? » « No, no. He’s in Stavanger for the week, remember? They won’t survive if we wait. We have approximatively 3 hours and I’m generous. I've covered your ass enough times, come on. Please? » And okay, he’s pretty sure she’s got her « Puss in boots » face right now. She also got a point. She really is helpful sometimes when he doesn’t want William to know something. She also distracts William when they play Fifa to help him win. He can postpone his study session to help her save William’s beloved goldfishes. His sudden passion for goldfishes was a surprise to both of them. He arrived one day with a big aquarium full of fishes and installed it in the flat. Even Eskild was surprised. William just shrugged and said that he had saved them. Apparently, some random guy he met on campus bought them but it became too expensive for him to take care of them. So William drove to his apartment and « adopted » them. William is very serious about those goldfishes which just makes Noora and Chris tease him more. (One day, they hosted a party and Noora invited Mari. When she saw the aquarium, she said to William « oh, you remember how Amalie loved to just sit and watch her goldfishes? » and well, it made more sense.)

« Okay, Noora. I’m coming. Be ready in 20 minutes» « Thank you » « You owe me one, though. » « Whatever you say, Christoffer. »

When he arrives in front of her door, she’s already waiting.

« Hi, » he says. « What the fuck did you do to break that huge aquarium, young lady? » « Hello, Chris. I don’t know, I was vacuuming the flat and I don’t know how but the power cord hit the aquarium and made it fall. » « Every fish is safe? » « Yup. » « Did you tell your boyfriend? » He said, laughing. « What? Absolutely not. He wouldn’t leave us alone. He’ll figure it out when he comes back. » « okay. »

They are truly horrified at the price they have to pay to replace the aquarium but they don’t have a choice.

When they arrive back at the apartment, Chris helps her carry the new aquarium up. Seeing Noora fluttering eyelashes with a huge smile, he can’t leave her and ends up setting the whole thing up with her. (She prepares his favorite dish for dinner.) « Noora, I used to tease William for how whipped he was, you know, because you can make him do whatever you want. But, like… I get it now, I think. You have a persuasion superpower, that’s your secret. I wanted to study today and here I am.  » « You just love me because I distract William when you’re playing Fifa, Christoffer.  I know it’s your only chance to win. »   « Oi, Noora! » he says, throwing his towel at her. « Okay, for real, Chris. Thank you very much. You’re just a great friend, to both William and I. » she smiles. « Thank you so much, you saved me. You probably didn’t want to study that much, though. » she winks. Chris just smiles. His Economics books are far less entertaining than Noora, he can’t deny that.

[thetravelingtotoros]

This lady is Emily! She was nice enough to tell us about the piranha fish in the tank behind her, all of them were rescues from around Las Vegas! Fish like these are invasive, and they can really hurt the ecosystem here in Nevada if they got out. So the Shark Reef saves them! People think piranhas are bad, but they just do what nature made them to do. #piranha #rescue #fish #totoro #aid #educational @rodneyandfriends (at Shark Reef Aquarium at Mandalay Bay) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8mV7GRhg8b/?igshid=hq1xyvcmmsel

[helpimstuckindreamland]

November 2nd-3rd, dream experiment

November 2nd- 3rd

I didn't sleep very well, woke up easily 8 times to my cat screaming at me, so a lot of the dreams are sporadic or missing some chunks like in transition, but for the most part it all felt like they were the same dream.

I was in this big school looking facility, very white very clean. The lobby looks almost futuristic with it's arching shapes and high ceilings. the front desk got a call and she said she needed to transfer a students brain and soul Into another vessel. I didnt really understand until about halfway through when she starts taking the brain out and I realize she wants me to be the next vessel. I run and hide in a bush while she's busy with the surgery and can't leave the table. The other students starts losing a lot of blood and the front desk lady is yelling at me to get over there so she can at least transfer the soul or else the whole procedure would fail. I stay hidden until I see the student body go limp on the operation table and the heart scan flat. The front desk lady is pissed, she tosses the brain in a trash bin and starts looking around frantically for something to hold the students soul. She finds a vile and then the scene flashes to a few minutes later when the front desk woman leaves and the vile is left at a little unmarked grave. I go to the grave and stare at it, feeling awful for what had just happened and trying to think of what to do. I could leave the soul there to be forgotten. Instead I look into the vile and I can feel the spirits intent- it's angry and hates me. But I feel so bad I inhale the soul anyway so that it can occupy my body and not be left in limbo for eternity. I feel less lonely knowing there's someone else in my head to talk to.

Aquarium room, abandoned, we go in and the fish are still alive. They swim around frantically begging to be fed. I don't know which is their food so I grab all kinds of little bits on the counter and sprinkle them in. They look happy and then I turn around to see a snail, it's.. rotting? There's holes in it like Swiss cheese and in those holes fungus and parasites are growing. It's still alive though, silently screaming in pain.

Weird elder society overlooking the rest of society (Giants) 

They lived in these huge velvet beds that kinda looked like coffins but they were stacked one on top of another and on either side of a long dark hallway. There is one big giant in particular that takes a liking to me I guess, we have some weird relationship where.. I think I'm slightly scared but I also know something is wrong and I gotta get out of there. So outwardly we seem to be on friendly terms. I think he sees me like someone would see a ladybug. Small, not all that bright. But I was probably 5 inches tall.

Can't really remember what happens between the Giants place and the next, but I find myself running from the giant (I only ever saw the one and he looked like my ex boyfriend's dad.) With my dad and my sister. We find an abandoned mall and slip over a big translucent cement wall. Inside everything is lit up but there are no people in the main building. I look for a place for me and Emily to sleep where I think no one will find us if they were to try and look. So I go deeper into the mall, passing stores and food stands until I find a girls bathroom/locker room. We get inside and it's occupied by "people". I can't say they were really real, kinda like CPUs in a videogame, just kind of there to take up space. They didn't bother us and I wasn't worried about them. 

I see someone making a lot of racket, looking for us (3rd person) and I go to the locker room entrance. He's holding a big drum, like the marching band kind, and he's yelling over a railing above me. I don't know what he says but I recognize him to be my ex step brother and basically he's there to make things difficult. 

The giants send out forces dressed in black to hunt us down in the mall. 

Me, my dad, my ex-step Brother and Emily all battle these guys until we can book it. Once we're out it seems like we are in a different world. A little more normal. But most of my family is with me now and we are still running. We shove ourselves into a suburban with me and Emily squished Into the passenger side in the front while my dad drives. We go pick up my older sister at her boyfriend's house (it looked like the house I lived in when I was 5) it takes a while but she gets in the car. It's getting more and more cramped until the last person we pick up, my mom. My dad gets out of the driver's seat and Emily clumsily tries to park the suburban from the passenger side.

We are at a storage shed and my parents are talking (strange since they're divorced and hate each other) but my dad is telling my mom to go with us and drive the car and he'll grab his trike and ride behind us. He looks really sad. My mom agrees and gets in the car, waiting to leave. I walk over to my dad whose setting up his stuff on the trike and the trike seems to fold around it until it almost looks like a capsule around him. I'm asking him why he's going to ride with all this stuff by himself instead of with us and he looks at me and starts crying. Hes sobbing into me about all of the horrible things he's done and all the hardships he's caused us and how he doesnt deserve to have us in his life. 

I'm really sad now.

I wake up.

[scorpion-flower]

                                             f l o a t i n g

1. Primer Beso - Lucio Godoy 2. The Secret Life Of Daydreams - Dario Marianelli 3. I Found Peace - Ruth Barrett 4. Together We Will Live Forever - Clint Mansell 5. You'll Be Queen One Day - Ramin Djawadi 6. Love Theme / Arrest - David Hirschfelder 7. The Glass Slipper - George Fenton 8. Dust And Light - Howard Shore 9. Deep Shadows - T.T.L. 10. Aquarium - Camille Saint Saëns 11. Coronation - John Lunn 12. Whisper Of A Thrill - Thomas Newman 13. Lucy Meets Mr. Tumnus - Harry Gregson Williams 14. The Girl With The Flaxen Hair - Claude Debussy 15. Little Edie On Chair - Rachel Portman 16. Air - Johann Sebastian Bach 17. Wuthering Heights (Main Theme) - Ryuichi Sakamoto 18. This Is Neverland - Jan A. P. Kaczmarek 19. Becoming One Of The People - James Horner 20. Song From A Secret Garden - Secret Garden 21. 4 O' Clock Reprise - Emilie Autumn 22. Fairytale - Harry Gregson Williams & John Powell 23. Edward Scissorhands (Main Title) - Danny Elfman 24. Dark Paradise (Instrumental) - Lana Del Rey 25. Near Light - Ólafur Arnalds 26. Prologue - James Newton Howard 27. The Lady In Blue - Patrick Doyle 28. A Princess - Javier Navarrete 29. And Just Like That - Abel Korzeniowski 30. Francis And Mary's Theme - Trevor Morris

                                            {LISTEN HERE}

[layesica]

Goodbye 2018: A Year in Review with Some Stuff Left Out

Guys… this year, I saw Dear Evan Hansen. Well… I guess we’re done here!

Yeah. You’re not getting off that easy. I would very much like to have a rant here, but I’m resisting the temptation. What’s done is done, so no point in wasting time thinking about it. 

Have I ever done this as bullet points? Do I always do it as bullet points, but don’t remember that because I’m tired? Well, here are the bullet points of a year gone by…

JANUARY

• Started the year with Pack people. No kiss at midnight. This was a continuing trend…

• My schedule was all over the place. Tech and Front of House all willy-nilly.

• Started Grad Revue at Second City. I worked with a whole new group of people because that’s how it worked for me. Worked in the office to pay for it.

• Started my second Whole Life Challenge.

• Auditioned for the Universal Studios Tour Guide Program. Got the callback, but failed the improv. This was a continuing trend…

• For fun? Oh! I went roller skating for Sandy’s birthday. I friggin’ love roller skating, y’all!

• Rediscovered the Los Feliz 3. Saw Lady Bird and I, Tonya.

FEBRUARY

• Things got a little more ordered. Grad Revue, Second City office, Very Famous… all my nights were allocated!

• I started working exclusively tech at The Pack and exclusively Fridays. Hunter asked me to host Go Sketch Yourself, so Katie D. and I did it from the booth. My very niche bad tech sketch went over so well with this crowd!

• Went to the Opera for the first time to see Candide. It had Kelsey Grammar in it? Still enjoyable.

• Met some friends at Gracias Madre. I’d been wanting to try it since I moved here. Finally! Expensive and scene-y, but good!

• At the end of the month, I went part-time at the hotel because… well, there were no benefits to being there full-time, and I have shit to do, y’all!

• Got a Conan taping in there.

• Ordered some Samoas from a neighborhood Girl Scout. Someone tried to sabotage me, but I got those cookies and put them in my face! Finally!

• This year had two themes: 1) Forgiveness and, conversely, 2) You are dead to me now. Forgiveness started at the end of this month. It was an awkward first step, but sometimes it’s good to take a first step. I guess it’s just looking at the big picture of whether, as a whole, someone is a positive in your life or a negative.

• I did something terrible. I killed Gary. He was a delightful little aloe (according to Reddit, an aloe aristata). He was in a sugar skull planter from Trader Joe’s. I couldn’t tell that I was overwatering him. I overwatered him to death. I am a terrible plant parent. I still feel awful.

• Another loss. My trusty Herschel backpack finally gave out. So, I got a new one. Not a Herschel. A cheaper one.

MARCH

• Mom and Dad came to visit. They got a nice AirBNB right down the street from me... but the plumbing was shot. So we got to spend a week at The Hollywood Hampty! (Thanks, George!) We went to a Conan taping. We went to Madame Tussaud’s… um… yeah. Did the double decker tour bus that I get for free because I sell them at work. We dropped by Eataly. I need to go back there. We got free breakfast every day!

• I went to a party! I don’t normally do that.

• I got to be in Book Report at The Pack. Buzz Aldrin was seated in the front row I had to do a quick change into an elaborate costume and ran out with my dress tucked into my tights.

• I learned that when you do someone a huge favor, they don’t always reciprocate in kind, so you should bear that in mind when you choose to share.

APRIL

• Took a day trip to Venice and Santa Monica. Walked around the canals. That was neat.

• I doggie-sat for George and Ian with Parker -- a very, very good dog. Their apartment is so serene PLUS they left me gin and tonic and an adorable call sheet with Parker’s day outlined. Nice!

• I interviewed for the page program at Paramount thanks to Sandy’s recommendation. Didn’t get it. Maybe they felt like I was too old. I don’t know. They seemed impressed with my resume, but I still haven’t been called in for an interview for a regular job. This is a continuing trend… At least I got to have some Texas-style margaritas in the build up.

• Started Sketch 3 at The Pack. Old version. Just talking about the history of comedy and other comedy nerd / writer pursuits with Mike Upchurch . This may have been my favorite comedy class ever. Got some insider Mr. Show information. It’s the fandom that keeps giving!

• Saw Scott Thompson’s Buddy Cole Monologues at UCB. Accidentally made eye contact with Bruce McCulloch. It was a very exciting night for me.

• During Very Famous’s April Show, I gave this gift to my family back in Texas.

MAY

• Gallegos visited and did Go Sketch Yourself.

• He and Eloy came to opening night of my Grad Revue — Clickbait & Switch. Oh yeah! My Grad Revue at Second City opened.

• FYC Season, y’all! Netflix had some good stuff! I got to take a picture of Emily with Marty Short which enjoying the open bar and passed tray foods.

• Lindsey came to visit. Lots of Marvel. I probably will not be seeing any more Marvel, though. Unless they hire me for that job I applied for. Then, I would love Marvel! We went to Universal and my favorite Harry Potter ride broke down. Then, we rode it again immediately. And then I had motion sickness that lasted 7 days

• Brent Forrester started a series of Comedy Knowledge Drops at Dynasty Typewriter. They were so good! He is great!

• Put up a sketch at The Pack’s Ladies of Sketch Night with a dream team of actors. Also, go to dance again, but, sadly, I always end up in the back. Too many ladies!

• My calendar simply says “BOB!” I imagine I saw Bob at something… Oh, Dynasty Typewriter! It was fundraiser for one of their employees to renew her visa or something. Took photos of Emily and a very nice BrBa/BCS fan with Bob before we walked through Murder Park to get to the train.

• An actor that I very much had a crush on stayed at our hotel. He’s been on a downhill slide for a while and was obviously pretty high. He was also a jerk to the person who check him in. But he was nice to me… and when he smiled at me while thanking me for calling a cab, I kind of died a little on the inside. I wish I had the video from our security cam, but I’ll just have to remember it in my mind. When I got home from work and turned on the TV, there he was in a terrible movie.

• Went on an easy hike to a waterfall in Altadena.

JUNE

• Went to ATX fest again! Mom & Dad came and stayed a night at the hotel with me. Lindsey and Andrea met up the second day. It wasn’t as fun because I live in this place where I’m constantly surrounded by TV stuff. They did a Better Call Saul thing, so I got to go to that. I had some TexMex. It was A LOT.

• Flew back from Texas earlier than I had planned because our Grad Revue closed that Sunday. We did our final show, then received our diplomas and t-shirts. I am now a Second City Graduate. But not “Alumni.” That’s different… and also not possible in Hollywood. I also resigned from my work-study job with enough hours to take 3 more classes. It was sad, but I needed that time back to make money.

• Took in some Fringe shows. I’m so supportive! But also, the lack of reciprocal support is not exclusive to comedy people. That’s a thing I learned.

• I auditioned for Sketch at Second City. Didn’t get it. This is a continuing trend…

• Went on a little weekend trip to Long Beach. Checked out the aquarium. Did a whale tour. Saw an actual whale tail. Had some decent barbecue. Got a sunburn. I recommend the Hotel Maya near the Queen Mary. All the cookies you can eat! And they have fire pits!

JULY

• This was a light month, but that was fine because…

• I went to Comic Con in San Diego! We got volunteer badges. I ended up catching a ride with my friend, Osiokeh, so I got to spend one night at the hotel connected to the Convention Center. So nice! Well, I spent part of the night because there was a Better Call Saul Panel in Hall H, so I had to camp out waiting for my wristband. Of course, they had issues and that took forever. Then, I slept for 4 hours then went to get back in line. I sat through so much stuff AND that place pretty much emptied out for some boring panels. Not enough for me to upgrade my seating, but I could have just not done that at all.I did not budget enough time to get to my volunteer shift, so I had to scoot as soon as that was over. My volunteer job SUCKED! Gordon was nice enough to come look for me, but they didn’t allow us to have phones, so I missed him. So sad. What a sweetheart, though. :(

• Volunteering at Comic-con… Oof! I just kept getting the wrong shifts. They were torturous! The last day was a complete mess, and I was one of the last volunteers standing… because of course I was. At the end of all this, I was like, “NEVER AGAIN!” I did enjoy finding a hotel to work at and just people watching. I guess the first year is when you learn. I totally missed the badge sale for 2019!

• I finally started Improv 2 at The Pack. Neal Dandade was great! All new people again!

AUGUST

• Did a better convention… CAT CON! Now, this is where I belong. I won a Litter Genie and the cat-weed company gave Penelope a CatIt Flower Fountain. She is obsessed! So, I guess it may have been better than weed. We may never know. I met Cindy from @foster_kittens. She was very nice… but the main event was meeting Felix. He was so soft, but so over being petted by strangers! I signed up to be a foster, but with a chupacabra in our apartment, I decided against it. That’ll change.

• Season 3 of Better Call Saul started. Then I started a class, so I had to miss watching it live. Emily and I watched the first one with… some refreshments. It was so good! I am turning on Jimmy as he turns into Saul though. Like, I super hated him right at the end there. We’ll wait for Gene to roll around. Oh Gene. My heart.

• Went to San Diego for a weekend. Nice to check it out as a tourist. Walked across a swinging bridge. Spent hours at the USS Midway. Went on a paddle boat ride. Checked out a Padres game at Petco Park. Almost died on a Bird scooter.

• Finally started that Late Night Writing class. It finally worked out. I love it. I wrote jokes and people liked them. I guess I can write them after all.

• Took a one-day class on sketch writing from improv with Kevin McDonald from Canada’s Kids in the Hall. It was fun. Lots of nerds. We wrote 2 sketches.

• Went to see David Cross with Emily. Took myself to Umami before hand. We got some Bonus Bob!

• Other shows: So You Do Comedy…? at UCB. Chris had John and Jessie Ennis. That was fun. Kevin McDonald did a variety show at the Lyric Hyperion Theater. First time there. Cute place! We sat so close. Tim Heidecker dropped a guitar stand on me.

SEPTEMBER

• Improv 3 at The Pack Started. Shaun Landry showed us how to be actors. We did prepared monologues for a class that John Conroy subbed. Shaun said he told her he wanted to tape one of them because it was so good. She said Justin. There was no Justin. No one even close except Jessica. So, I’m just gonna assume he meant me. Because I need it for this next thing…

• Submitted a reel to be a performer on my or a TPT Sketch Team. Didn’t get a callback. I’m starting to think maybe I am not a good performer. But giving up isn’t a thing I do, so I’ll keep trucking along. At least I get to feel like I’m SNL-era Bob Odenkirk. And from what I heard from a person who worked with him around this time, we have/had about the same pitching style for this level in our careers. That makes me feel better. But, like, he was at SNL and I’m at a little theater in Hollywood… and also he’s a genius… so maybe not that much the same.

• The good news is that I get to continue as a writer on Very Famous.

• I also got to play a terrible British stereotype in a sketch with friends at Go Sketch Yourself and UCB’s Everybody Get In Here. Multiple people told me how funny they thought I was in it. I accidentally dressed like Oliver Hardy, but thinner and with boobs.

• Dana Gould did Chopping Block at The Pack. That was amazing! They needed extras and, oh, how I wanted to be in something one of my heroes wrote… but also I wanted to watch it. So I chose the latter. I’m good with that.

• At work, a guy from Fox News yelled at me over the phone because of something dumb. I don’t even remember. Cool guy.

• Briefly joined an improv practice group. Quickly realized that I am too poor for that.

• Started another Whole Life Challenge. It had been a while.

• Went to another Conan taping. It turned out to be the last. September 18. 25 years and 5 days after I first watched Conan on late night television. A few weeks after this, the hour-long show would cease to be. A total surprise to me. A half-hour replacement coming in January.

OCTOBER

• Oh yeah! Back in September, Andrew asked if I would like to be in The Ointment at The Pack. Um… OF COURSE! So I got to play a character who murdered her husband… 10 years after she wrote a blog post about how she would do it. I also played an Octopus tentacle. It was so fun!

• Ian asked me to be in some short, blackout videos he was making to remind people to vote. That was fun, too!

• Briana asked me to be in her sketch for Tales from the Laugh Dimension at The Pack. Duh! Of course! I also did a couple of things with her for open mic sketch shows. It was a lot of fun.

• The best thing about all these parts I got was that right around this time, someone who was grasping at straws to make me a bad person declared that I was “angry about all the sketches I didn’t get cast in.” LOL Yeah, about that. So, I guess things do happen for a reason.

• After a couple months of looking for a full-time position, so I could get out of my living situation because of it being a danger to Penelope, I kicked that into overdrive. I wish I could have kept my old place, as I was the only one who really loved it, but also, all the sage in the world wouldn’t be able to vanquish the bad joo-joo. This turned out for the better in the long run.

• But more good things happen! Hunter suggested that I help produce a show at The Pack for Halloween as part of WPCK. We did an exquisite corpse with all-female writers and an all-female cast (but a male director because… I guess… let’s not go overboard?) based on the Bill Joel video for Allentown, the play No Time for Sargents (watch the TV version of this, please) and Ragnar Benson’s series of survival books. I got a pretty big part and memorized the shit out of my lines… only to have my entire intro skipped. So, I had some confusing costuming, but the whole thing was kind of that way… and I guess we can just blame the format anyway. It was still fun. And I got to go eat Doomie’s with some great ladies!

• Finally got to see 1970s-style Hollywood Boulevard thanks to that Tarantino movie. I was only there for the throwback architecture. Walking home after class, I saw Brad Pitt.

• Took myself to the beach again.

NOVEMBER

• November 1. The day I saw Dear Evan Hansen. I was not ready. It was so good! I cried the entire time. I tried to win the ticket lottery every day. I listen to the soundtrack constantly. I may have to wait, like, 3 years to see it again.

• The next day, I picked up my rental. I deserve a break, so I took one in the form of a road trip along the PCH. I ram some errands in Burbank, then drove through Malibu Canyon to start in Malibu. It was beautiful. How have I never been to Malibu before after 2+ years in LA? The first day, I stopped in San Luis Obispo. Oof! At least the Embassy had a good evening reception. I ordered some Santa Maria steak on Postmates and it was so good! Then, I just relaxed. SLO is not that exciting. 

• Day 2, I drove up to Monterey. It took forever. But it was BEAUTIFUL. Just singing Dear Evan Hansen songs and trying to pay attention to the road. In Monterey, I went to some beach locations, like where John Denver crashed his plane. Then I watched the sun set on the beach. The Embassy there did not have a good evening reception.

• On the last day of my road trip, I drove up to San Jose to go to the Winchester Mansion. It was really neat, but not as exciting as I thought it would be. Still enjoyable. Had an expensive burger, went on a disappointing detour trying to find a Peet’s, then drove in the dark on The 5 back to LA. Wow! There is nothing there.

• The last day with the car, I took Penelope to the vet. Got the works. She’s all good. Didn’t even need a teeth cleaning.

• Station Theater’s Can’t Tell Us Nothing won Matt Besser’s Improv for Humans contest. They did a show at UCB, so reunited with some Houston improv folks. And also someone I worked with at the WPCK thing. Worlds collide!

• Saw a screening of Stan & Ollie at IFC Fest. The acting was great!

• There was a book event for Paul Myers’ book about Kids in the Hall at UCB with Dave and Scott. Scott is a force of nature. I love him so much! Also, Paul Myers is Mike’s brother… or Mike Myers pretending to be a guy named Paul who is also his brother.

• When I was in high school and college, there was a stand up / storytelling show in LA called Uncabaret. If I lived in LA, I would have gone. Now that I do, I went to their 25th anniversary show. It was a room full of people from the 90s, still in the 90s. Not a complaint.

• Late one night, I saw that Katie was subletting the apartment she had just moved out of. A studio in Hollywood in my budget, bills included. By the end of the month, I had the keys to that apartment. I should have gone ahead and put my notice in for December 1, but I got nervous. I ended up paying rent on 2 places.

• Started Improv 4 at The Pack. Rich is great! He has the perfect personality of a person I can get along with.

• Thanksgiving at Fogo de Chao is TOO MUCH MEAT!

• Very Famous got into SF Sketchfest! Finally going to San Francisco!

DECEMBER

• Packing! That pretty much sums it up. I rented a car for the small stuff. Asked for help with the big stuff. We did it! Penelope and I are free!

• Ian asked me to be in his directorial debut at Second City — A Fonzie Scheme. We did rehearsals to generate material. It was fun.

• I saw Come From Away. I mean, after Dear Evan Hansen, I thought I would never be able to love a new musical, but this one got me. It was good.

• I got older. For my actual birthday, we went to a Yoga guru’s Winter Solstice Celebration — even though it wasn’t the solstice yet. We did some intention setting and white people dancing and healing breathing and tarot card pulling and labyrinth walking and fireside singing. Then we got ice cream. The following day, I invited some people to bottomless mimosa brunch. It was a great time! A single mimosa, followed by a carafe of mimosa, then another single mimosa is the perfect amount of mimosa. Then, I bought some corn cookies and a slice of crack pie from milk bar.

• Spent the next few days getting the apartment in order, so I could come back home to not a mess after the holidays. I did a lot, so I’m looking forward to getting home to Penelope.

• Capped off a creative year by submitting my very first late night-style writing packet. A warmup for the NBC Late Night Writers Workshop. Guys, I’ve known it my whole life: I friggin’ love late night!

• And just for good measure, my $400 (I got them on sale for $75) sunglasses broke. I was tempted to get some Ray Bans, but opted for some MUCH cheaper Target ones. RIP Jimmy Choo star sunglasses. They were good to me for like 3 years AT LEAST.

• Went back home for the holidays. Spent a lot of quality time with Mom and Dad. Saw Mark and Jacob. Didn’t get nearly enough writing done. Didn’t finish my book. At least I got to mostly relax. Mom let me win at Scrabble a couple times before winning like 12 times after that.

A LOOK AHEAD

Tonight for New Year’s Eve, Emily, Ian and I are going to see Bob and Naomi’s Not Inappropriate Show at UCB. Then later, we are going to the New Years Eve celebration at Dynasty Typewriter. They got a lot going on over there.

I tried to focus on the high points of this past year. The low points were pretty low. I’ve struggled this year, but have done my best to try and stay positive. I lived and I learned.

The word of the year for 2019 is BUDGET. I am going to set myself up with the tools I need to budget my money, budget my time and budget my food. The main focus will be finding a new job. That has been a big issue since I moved to LA. I’m wearing myself out. 

I need to cut myself some slack this year, but also continue to get shit done and be better at that.

I hope the rest of you have a wonderful year. And, if you made it this far, why are we not best friends and going to Salt & Straw every month or laughing and bitching over bottomless mimosas every other weekend? I need more of that!

BONUS

Annual kitty feet, anyone?