#embarrassing loss but it is what it is
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me watching my moots lose their shit rn im a barca fan in 2024 and im numb to everything bc i cant physically care too much cause if i do i will cry at any second
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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this isnt high Steve but Steve would absolutely be the Mom Friend of the group and be the sober one. Only one beer for him, he's driving.
But you? Drunk or high, doesn't even matter you're just giggly and staring off into space. He has to wrangle you to get you in the car to leave. Practically just throws you in the back. And you're not sober (of course, you know what you're doing but the next day you'll just say you were drunk if not pretend to not remember). But you wrap your legs around his waist snd practically purr at him "if you wanted me in the backseat of your car Stevie you only had to ask'
this is so good 😭😭😭😭 omg. making him all flustered and he knows this is bad!!! he wants you but has to pull away!!! chastises you, jokingly tells you he’s not that easy, and when you’re weakly pawing at him from behind he’s all huffy. telling you you’d better stop that, that you’ll make him wreck, jokingly says “don’t make me pull over” and you’re like “sounds good to me, steve”
also something about him manhandling …. calling him handsy when he accidentally swipes against your chest and he’s gotta remind you he’s doing this because you’re being insane and it’s not HIS fault where his hands end up… and perhaps manhandling you a little more while scoffing and begging you to just be good so he doesn’t have to take extra measures 😵💫
#oh god. you’re being so annoying and trying to twist out of those BIG ARMS and he’s at a loss for how to get you in his damn beemer#so in a sort of aggravated panic he wraps his hand into the back of your hair and makes you look at him…#while he sternly tells you to watch it and that you’re on real thin ice#and you’re all 🥺 what’ll you do to me stevie…#and he’s really flustered and sorta embarrassed so he lets your hair go and gets you in his car (you’re all dazed from#him)#and he’s like ‘i guess i’ll just have to hide every bottle of alcohol in hawkins from you’#because he can’t bring himself to say what he would like to…#ns/fw#category: thoughts
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"So technically Grian can meet any version of himself through Xelqua !"
Xelqua becomes the YHS Grian and Grian has war flashbacks (idk I've never watched the series)
YHS isn't canon to EvoAU ! So Grian wouldn't know anything abt that.
Fun fact, even tho I don't include it, its where I got the parent/abandonment issues from.
Xelqua has definitely seen this version (i haven't seen YHS since i was 16, i don't remember it well ^____^ )
#ask#my brain has been pulling me to rewatch it for three days now im itching.#IF im remembering correctly... YHS Grian's parents don't like him#if im not then well idk where i got it from LOL#hes also canonically gay in that series. like grian says hes into guys instead. i wonder what compelled this plot line for him#in my heart hes trans too bc he wears a shirt to the pool. real to me.#i was rly into yhs at 16 but only drew it once bc i was embarrassed abt liking minecraft at that age LMAO#and here i am. almost 25. revisiting. thriving.#I tried to find the drawing but i cannot. it was sam tho. so no loss rly. OOFAJDGKAG#my art#sketching#xelqua changing into valor grian like well actually im not telling you abt this one. moving on.
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idk if anyone else has a problem with this but one thing i feel like i see in headcanon posts and fanfics a lot is like. someone being like "this character learned sign language so they can communicate when they go nonverbal"
and i just feel like. idk. have you guys ever watched people using sign language? have you ever had a speech loss episode? bc like, it's not like a speech loss episode just shuts down your vocal cords or something, it very much affects your ability to communicate AT ALL. and like ppl being able to sign full sentences during a speech loss episode and not just disjointed words is. idk it makes me feel weird
like i understand my experiences are not universal and im glad to be corrected if any of you guys do switch to sign language during speech loss episodes but i feel like some people just. make a character vaguely use sign language so that they don't have to actually confront the problems that come with making a character unable to communicate because of autism
#for me i find it extremely hard to use sign language when having a speech loss episode bc my motor skills are shot#and i cant control my face#i think it makes a LOT more sense if the character's first language is a sign language or if theyve been using sign since they were little#but when its like. a second language that they learn specifically to communicate in speech loss episodes. whats up#i really want to get back into learning asl but i get really shaky and weird when i try to sign and its embarrassing
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There ain't no way people are calling the new upcoming Avatar series "woke" because the avatar is a black character with a missing leg. Don't y'all remember TOPH? Our badass, blind, Asian earth-bender or nah? Or Teo??? He was in a wheelchair.
#alright technically toph isn't asian because there's no asia in the avatar universe but all the nations (minus the water tribe) are inspired#by asia#but you get the point#tbh i'm not the biggest fan of the art style change but the plot does look interesting!#and also people are talking shit about korra and say that whatever happened in that apocalypse thing is HER fault#now listen#idk what happened but i will not accept korra hate#she's my baby#avatar the last airbender#atla#the legend of korra#tlok#new avatar series#suddenly representation is woke now 💀#like wow#as a white able-bodied person i'm actually embarrassed by all those people who call slightly different stuff “woke”#avatar has always been “woke” let's be fr#if atla came out in 2024 people would call it woke#also having an avatar with a missing leg sounds pretty cool#*losses her prosthetic leg* oh no! *makes a new leg out of fire* anyway#like that red lotus water-bender girl with the missing arms in tlok#also korra was canonically disabled at some point so there's that
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"yes im so fine"
*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*
#tw ed#obligatory MASSIVE do not do this#straight up poison that can kill you from one (1) time#used to be used to induce vomiting#directly the cause of death of karen carpenter and countless others#i wont i swear i wont#but i still researched it bc i was curious#tbh there are easier ways of poisoing oneself than semi illegal drugs#also if yall remember the post about a poison i own: i did more reseach and while that amount would probably kill me w no medical#intervention; it would take just under three times as much to be absolutely certain of hitting the toxic dose (calculated quantity per kg#of the top end of a given range. so it could kill me but if i was gonna go out that way id want about three times as much to be sure.)#honestly surprised ive never heard of any deaths from it. the most likely way to survive would be to throw it up i think#(or present to hospital and take charcoal or smth)#honestly though. my research says loss of consciousness and required intubation within half an hour in case studies#hence if you werent in reach of medical attention youd probably collapse an die#and i am very deliberately NOT mentioning what it is bc of how toxic it is#ive thought of combining it and another method to be absolutely sure but eh#honestly if it DIDNT work it sounds straight up embarrassing to admit to people tho thats one of the things stopping me#but literally a dose in a child requiring intubation and kid ended up in a coma recovered w no ill effects.#thats the dream yk. try and succeed and youre free; try and fail and you see no ill effects.#but yeah i wouldnt try w only the amount i have.#so im safe#....rereading the above. okay i might be a little mentally ill lol#but i am safe and absolutely nobody call the cops on me.#im fine.#tw suicide#puddleglum hours#nobody worry abt me ok. im fine.#just thinking silly lil thoughts like usual :)#EDIT: just occurred to me that using this poison could make it not look like a suicide
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/894e8c1139f830f2ef2bf2a47ff0cc81/2e96acae24298824-79/s540x810/238f32e8cba7e59c214a785bda2648d4fe8a5453.jpg)
Is this how it feels to be a Epithet right now?
#epithet erased#memes#im at a loss for words#and im kind of embarrassed#god what the hell#epithet erased prison of plastic#jelloapocalypse#localization
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!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#A great episode tbh especially given the low budget. I feel like they really did their very best#And even though what I'm going to say next is probably going to be all critic - because I nitpick things and that's what I always end up–#talking about - I still want to underline that it was a very solid and enjoyable episode!!!#Alright the ss/kk was so 💞💞💞 every scene I had to rewatch twice or thrice akhscbashfb they're so cute!!!#Except for the riding scene tho. That scene gives me massive second hand embarrassment every time I just wish it will end as fast as–#possible pffttt. Mmmmhhh... The drawings weren't even too bad all accounted. My main complain is about the quicksand scene...#I feel like that one should be a slow quiet emotional scene. I never licked the choice of using the song as background soundtrack :/#I feel like it ruins the mood of the scene (it was still good though)#I also... Generally don't like the direction they seem to go for with Akutagawa's character in the anime‚ he seems quite a bit flatter–#compared to how he is in the manga. He can't be angry and evil ALL the time you need to show that softness get through from time to time.#If not what even is the point of his character. Yet in the anime he's angry (and not distraught) when he loses the mine craft and he's–#angry when he's questioning Atsushi about his motifs and he's angry when he's bragging about Atsushi's abilities to Goncharov and he's–#angry when he makes the promise with Atsushi at the end of the episode and eventually he'll be just as angry even when telling Atsushi–#to run away as he's sacrificing his life for him. It is pretty flat at the end of the day.#If I can say something about K/ensho Ono without being killed I think they do contribute to making him feel angry all the time.#But that said it's all probably poor directing choices (or simply choices I don't agree with).#Also‚ about cuts. Usually I try to be lenient about it– I understand it's hard to fit in everything and b/sd already does a very–#good job by adapting the manga almost panel-by panel. It's just that... You skip Akutagawa showing compassion for Atsushi after the–#orphanage director died. You skip Atsushi sharing the same compassion when Akutagawa loses his targed in the mines chase. You skip the–#“Nothing special about that. // I suppose he's far crueler than my own mentor.” line. And sure each of them may be negligible by their own#But together they wave a consistent web of relationship between the two characters you know? And it's a loss to omit them all#Well no mind. Again it was still a great episode overall!!!!#I think the colors in the mines could have been prettier in the mines but we can't have it all#Off to season 4!!! Omg I can't believe we got this far :DDD#random rambles#FINALLY was able to catch up in time for the season 3 finale!!!!!!
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when you have a neurological disability it's super great to also have a porch so you have a cozy little spot to hang out every time you forget your fucking keys
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#honestly kind of embarrassing#fucking hippocampus#frustrating to keep trying so hard and then feel like a child all the time anyway#oh well#it is what it is#just keep reminding yourself you're doing your best and you're also going to keep trying harder#neurological disability#disabilties#disabled#actually disabled#actually epilepsy#actually epileptic#epilepsy#memory loss#memory issues#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#neurodiverse stuff#actually neurodivergent#crip punk#c punk#cripple punk#spoonie#chronically ill#chronic illness
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Sorry but i have get this off my chest, because this is the strangest situation I've had at work.
We have a new vice principal, and we interacted a bunch for the first time yesterday and... he made me think I was insane for a little while? Like he is so hostile and erratic that i genuinely thought "he cannot possibly be like this, there must be something wrong with how I interpret him". He will talk in the sweetest voice (so sweet that is phony) and then suddenly switch to a tone that is more in line with being scolded. Like dude, i am not a child wtf are you doing. And i gave a suggestion on what to do, he would say no really loudly and then proceed to give the same suggestion, but in the scolding voice as if i has given a preposterous suggestion and he was now giving the correct one. And today I had the most weird argumentation with him, and we were not agreeing at all, and I had a civil tome but I didnt abandon my position on the issue, and he just said "Well, at least I think you are doing a great job, even if you don't think that", and then he LEFT. We weren't talking about me!!! Not even a little bit!!! It was not on topic!!! And I just... sat there going "wtf did just happen?". I literally felt like I might be losing it bc it was so unpredictable and irrational?
Thankfully, my colleague swung by to tell me that he also thinks the vp is.... an ass and has interpreted everything the same way I have, so I am in fact not insane... So now, the question is, what is he trying to achieve? What is he doing??
#i am at a loss#i dont understand what is going on#i will have to be in meetings with this man#and now that i know its not just my view#i wont back down. we gonna have arguments#embarrassing ones.#is he trying to manipulate me in some ways?#rambles
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I miss Illanthys 😩😭
#I skimmed through my tka and rs1 drafts last night#for the first time in a very long time#fell completely in love with the characters again#I miss them so much#I miss everything so much#I was actually so upset last night that I cried#because despite all the flaws and how messy everything was#my writing back then was so much better than what I'm able to do now#and sometimes I feel like I'll never get back to that#I feel like I'm homesick or something#or someone close to me died#is that dumb???#I cried a lot it's embarrassing#hah. I guess maybe I'm finally mourning the loss of something#maybe it's time to let go of it#kly.txt#kly: personal#rsverse
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#im like. really upset and bitter rn and probably will delete this later in embarrassment but i cant hold it in anymore#has anyone actually ever contacted these services to prevent... certain things. like just to chat someone and actually got genuine help#because my brain is. a horrendous place#and i tried phoning a mental health service years ago for nothing to come of it#and then i emailed this other service - just for someone to talk to. and again. nothing#i want help. but it feela like all the responsibility is put on you. and im so exhausted and already feel like i dont deserve any help so#pray tell why i would ever Go Out Of My Way to try find help?#even doing this little has taken so much from me.#i don't know what to do and i feel so alone.#this is something id usually put on my secret sideblog but im genuinely just so at a loss#right im posting this before i can think too hard about it#le text post
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has it hit yuuta yet that if megumi is gojo’s kid then he is kind of megumi’s extremely distant uncle? Bet he’d reach for that to explain away his extremely normal protective attachment
#seaglassgardens
Not really, because he doesn’t consciously think of himself as gojo’s relative. Like, he’s aware that he is gojos super distant relative but the connection is so attenuated that he’s not really thinking of gojo as an actual part of his family, so it hasn’t hit him. But he would take literally any explanation to justify his extremely normal protective attachment to Megumi at this point
#sea glass gardens#Yuuta not normal: I’m so normal right now I’m so normal#he really is having the worlds quietest panic attack right now#he’s AWARE that he shouldn’t be feeling this way and he is absolutely helpless to stop it#I can’t remember if I’ve already posted about this but Yuuta’s awareness that this isn’t normal and the fact that he’s still feeling it#anyway is based on me when I got a super bad head injury#like the underlying cause is different but the experience is somewhat the same#I lost total emotional control#I’m like a pretty chill person who doesn’t cry or get angry easily right#I got a horrible concussion and then suddenly I would break down sobbing at the slightest issue#I would react to my alarm or any loud noises with violence#and the entire time I would be internally like ‘wtf why am I doing this this isn’t like me at all’ and still couldn’t stop it#it’s actually a bit jarring and scary to lose control that way#which is what Yuuta’s experiencing right now#he knows that this isn’t like him and he shouldnt be reacting the way that he is but he can’t /stop/ it#and it’s not his fault like he’s experiencing a magical medical issue or whatever but it’s still a very visceral loss of control#that can be kind of embarrassing
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Ok fun story there’s a copy of that one hxh volume that has Meruem holding the earth on the cover that’s been sitting alone in my local bookstore for at least half a year but I had to leave him every time I went bc I had too many other books, and today I go back to the bookstore with the intention of getting him anD HES GONE IM SO UPSET 😞😞
#worst wife ever leaves their bug wife stuck in a bookshelf for 3/4 of a year#genuinely mourning the loss of a book#this is what it’s come to gamers#kissing bugs keeps getting progressively more embarrassing jsjdh#ravpawsrambles
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I always think its funny when limbus players go "wow this fight is impossoble without ["meta" unit] i dont know how the game expects you to do it" and well, you see, the answer is very simple! The game is easy. You can do so much shit already with the base units. You're just not being smart about it and relying on the gacha and what's "meta" this week
You were able to finish the railway with base units and base ego. You can finish Yi Sang's dungeon with his base ID or his"bad" free ID they gave out, or the seven association one. You don't need uptie 4 for the Mirror Dungeons. You don't need to uptie EGO. You don't need the 000 units of this week's banner that people are calling meta now. You can use "shit" ids and finish the content there is.
#sorry i just remembered how people hyped up seven outis and cinq don and now they are like forgotten lol#also how much people forget that defensive actions exist when dodge especially is so strong in the hard dungeon#some of my higher level ids are base ids just because i didnt have anything else#and i still find embarrassing how much i ignored base Ishmael when i was needing an id like her#because i was buying into the whole 'meta' thing#maybe im sounding mean but read what support passives do#read what regular passives do#read the base id passives and support passives#when they did the first SP changes everyone just forgot base yi sang and base hong lu existed to literally heal you from sp loss#and 3 of the gregor ids provide healing when benched#ghost sufre una descompostura#limbus posting
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