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deborahmessingsfingers · 3 years ago

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You Know…

pairings: tony caito x reader

word count: 1097

tags/warnings: explicit language, implied sexual content, anxiety, panic attacks, reader is gender neutral, comfort

also on ao3

Your entire being was vibrating, it felt like you were floating off the ground, held up by a chokehold of anxiety and doubt.

You’d cornered yourself away in the locker rooms during lunch. People were still passing by here and there but it was the quietest place in the school you could think of to hide away and let it out.

It was all just too much. The pressure had engulfed you entirely; gobbled you up as a young, promising, spritely student and spat you out as a babbling mess of deadlines and dread.

You could hardly breathe, your nose long rendered useless by the constant stream of tears and snot. You sat gasping and dry mouthed, quiet sobs escaping your throat each time you banged your head back against the red locker doors, eyes winced shut.

The sound of footsteps fast approaching beckoned your eyes to fly open, your body freezing up entirely, as if you wouldn’t be seen if you just stayed still. The shiny, brown leather shoes that entered your field of vision coaxed a dichotomous sense of relief and dread from the depths of your stomach.

“What’re you doing, honeybun?” the voice asked, laced with a cold, indifferent tone. You looked up to see Tony Caito, the school’s student liaison (and secondarily, your boyfriend) looming over you. You looked up at him, blinking rapidly as you wiped your face clean as best as you could. He simply stood there, taking one of his hands from his pocket with a flick of his wrist to check his watch, as if he had other, more important places to be.

“I-I just,” you started. You’d never talked about this to Tony, or anyone for that matter, you were struggling to find the right words to articulate just what was going on in your mind, “it’s just all too much, Tony.”

He sighed. Tony rolled his neck before grabbing the legs of his pants, lifting them slightly to accommodate his long legs as he crouched down to sit next to you, leaning against the lockers with a muffled bang.

“What’s too much, pumpkin?” he asked. Again, his tone was dispassionate, calloused, as it often was. It made you uncomfortable and confused, wriggling around in your spot as you tried to figure out whether he really wanted to know, or whether he was only asking out of a feeling of obligation.

“All this.” you answered vaguely, hands gesturing to the world around you and your state on the floor.

“Scholarships and deadlines and-and grades and… friends and reputations a-and…” you could feel yourself choking up again, the freefall of words so quick to stop and start.

You looked over at Tony to see his eyes darting between the cracks of the concrete floor, biting his lip in thought as he often did. Waiting for his response only further heightened your anxiety, the little voice in the back of your head berating you for opening up; to him of all people.

In that moment, you weren’t quite sure why you let Tony into your life. He was bossy and judgemental, aloof and haughty. You supposed it was his charm. His neatly slicked hair, his creaseless suits, the way he so effortlessly wooed you with a wink and the promise of a good time.

You were brought back to reality as he inhaled deeply, your stomach dropping with dread as you waited for his beratement.

“You shouldn’t worry about that shit.”

His words rendered you speechless. You expected harsh criticism, for him to take the harsh reality of life and slap you across the face with it. Instead, he looked up at you with a somewhat soft expression - softer than anything you’d seen before anyway.

Usually his stare was gelid and demeaning, the closest thing you’d seen to vulnerability was when he was coming undone on top of you with gasps and empty praise. But there was a certain, unfamiliar whisper of concern behind his eyes now that you’d never seen before. You continued to stare, your open mouth silently begging him to elaborate.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he continued, your brow crinkling in disbelief at the encouraging words escaping his mouth, “you have one of the highest GPAs in the school. You run laps around everybody else when it comes to extra credit. You’re smart… and you’re kind, and you’re funny,” you felt your heart threaten to burst as he continued, your quiet sob session now long forgotten,

“And you managed to bag me, and you know what my standards are like.” Tony laughed awkwardly, wresting a laugh from the back of your throat. You could see his face change to a light hue of pink, his hand wrapping around the back of his neck to scratch it awkwardly.

You watched on in a slight state of disbelief, not truly able to wrap your head around getting to see Tony let his walls down. It wasn’t much, but it was the first time you’d ever seen proof that he cares.

Granted, it wasn’t much, and when he snaked his arm around your shoulder you knew the fleeting moment of vulnerability was soon to be over, but that slight display of genuine affection would have you soaring for weeks.

One of his large hands drifted up to cradle your face, his thumb swiping underneath your eye to dry the last of your tears. As your eyes locked, you felt the bubble of pent up apprehension and unease burst into an enthralling display of denotative fireworks.

For one more brief moment, Tony’s facade remained softened. His eyes darted around the room to confirm your solitude, not wanting another soul to hear his next words as not to expose his unguarded self to his peers. He softly and slightly opened mouth to whisper to you,

“You know I love you.”

Your mouth instantly widened into the biggest grin, your cheeks quick to start aching as you processed his confession.

“I love you too, Tony” you whispered back, milking the intimate moment for all you could.

Tony was quick to snap back to his usual indifferent facade, the arm Round your shoulder pulling you closer to his body as his other hand left your face to meet the soft flesh of your thigh, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You rolled your eyes as you felt him nip and peck away at the peach fuzz behind your ear, shivering as his teeth gently met your earlobe.

“Y’know, I always say the best pick-me-up is a good, hard fuck”

#bo burnham x reader #bo burnham oneshot #bo burnham fic #bo burnham fanfic #bo burnham fanfiction #tony caito #tony caito x reader #tony caito oneshot #tony caito fic #tony caito fanfic #tony caito fanfiction #adventures in the sin bin #z’s writing

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fallingforyou123 · 4 years ago

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Cupcakes and Therapy-Meeting

A/N: I'm so sorry this is late, I had it queued up for the wrong day, but it's finally here. This is just the first part, I plan on continuing this with little blurbs after. I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 2.15k

Warnings: Some language, a panic attack and talks of panic attacks, falcon and the winter soldier spoilers

He woke up in a cold sweat, the last of his nightmare still fresh on his mind. For the third time that night he’d been jolted awake, the idea of sleep slowly slipping away. The sun was just starting to rise, a few rays slipping through the cracks in the blinds. He hadn’t slept through the night since his time in Wakanda. After Steve left him and the fighting stopped, there was nothing keeping his mind occupied anymore.

Slowly, he rose from his makeshift bed on the floor, every inch of his body aching from lack of sleep. He made his way over to the window, looking out at the street below. A new hobby he’d found was people watching, as creepy as it is for an ex-assassin to do, but it calmed him. It brought him back to reality when he felt like he was slipping into a dark place.

He doesn’t realize how long he’s stood there until Alpine starts rubbing up against his leg, meowing loudly. Alpine never fails to remind him just how utterly starving he is after sleeping for 22 hours a day. Bucky makes his way to the kitchen to fill his bowl, making note of all the things he’s running out of, a trip to the market after therapy becoming his plans for the day.

He throws a jacket on over his t-shirt and slips on a pair of gloves before leaving the apartment and making his way to the small coffee shop just around the corner. His routine had started consisting of coming here at ungodly hours of the morning for breakfast before making his way to his weekly therapy sessions.

He walked in and sat at his usual table, the barista on shift coming over with his usual coffee and muffin. Bucky hands her a crumpled 5 with a small smile, before grabbing a newspaper. He doesn’t really read it, he’s not one for politics before noon, but he does it to keep him occupied. It also helps to make it not look like he’s scoping the place out when he sits there for hours a day.

He sits there sipping his coffee and nibbling on his muffin, still too shaken from his nightmare to stomach much. He looks up from the newspaper every now and then to watch the people around him. Sunday mornings make the cafe crowded, couples and groups of friends line the one wall, families taking up space at the tables, and a few solos floating through.

There’s a feeling in his chest that hits him hard as he watches a mom trying to wrangle her daughter as the dad laughs. It hits again as he sees a woman curled into the side of the man beside her, giggling at something he’s whispering in her ear. His eyes shift from person to person, the ache growing strong as his breathing becomes difficult. He stands up abruptly, his knee hitting the table causing his coffee to spill, the few people around him shooting him strange looks. He rushes for the door, barely having time to apologize for bumping into someone.

The heat hits him hard when he steps outside, the feeling of being suffocated only worsening. He can’t think straight, the lack of air in his lungs making him dizzy. He turns into an alleyway, leans against the wall and tries to ground himself. A woman spots him as she walks by, coming over to check on him. She rests her hands on his arms, shaking him gently to get him to focus on her.

“Sir, sir you’ve got to breathe. In, out. Easy, easy. There you go.”

Her voice is smooth, almost melodic, and it does the trick to help calm him. Bucky attempts to follow her breathing, gasps of air slowly turning into steady breaths.

He manages to say a small “Thanks,” between breaths. The girl smiles and lingers a little longer to make sure he’s okay before heading on her way. Bucky’s stuck momentarily, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Suddenly much more tired and willing to go back to bed, he wishes he could head back home and hide for the rest of the day, but he doesn’t want to deal with what’ll happen if he doesn’t show up to therapy.

***

He keeps zoning out as his therapist talks, his mind wandering to what had happened that morning. He was no stranger to panic attacks, but they usually came after a nightmare, not sitting in a coffee shop. And the woman, no ones ever been that quick to help him, not when he looks the way he does. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, her face stuck in his mind.

“James, at least pretend to pay attention.” His therapist's voice knocked him out of his thoughts.

“I’m listening.”

“No you’re not, you’ve got that look on your face that means you’re thinking about your nightmare while telling me you’re not having any.” Her voice is calm, but he knows she’s getting annoyed with him.

“I can assure you, I’m not thinking about a nightmare. I, uh, had a panic attack this morning.” He looks away from her, the confession more than he’s ever shared.

“James, that’s normal. PTSD has a lot of symptoms.”

“No, no this was different. This wasn’t because of a memory or a nightmare. I was sitting drinking coffee, just looking around, and it hit me. I had to leave, spent a while trying to calm myself in an alley. And this woman, she came over and tried to help me. I mean, it worked, but I just, I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, you’ve got to stop downplaying these things.” She’s really starting to get annoyed now, her voice now having a slight edge to it.

Bucky can’t quite figure out what pisses him off more, knowing she’s right, or how she doesn’t sugar coat things.

“Tell me exactly how it started, what were you doing?”

He groans, not feeling up for a heart to heart at the moment.

“Listen, I told you. I was drinking coffee and looking around. People watching, I guess. Keeps me occupied.”

“Ah,” she sighs. “I think what’s happening is your minds telling you that you’re lonely. Seeing all those people being happy together, it’s something you haven’t had in a while. You need people, James.”

He doesn’t want to hear it and she knows it. It’s all he’s been told for months now. But he’s fine, really. He has weekly lunches with Yori, and Alpine is plenty of company when he’s at home.

“Listen doc, I’m fine.”

“Bullshit. After everything that’s happened to you, being alone is the quietest, most personal hell. And, James, it is very hard to escape it.”

***

The market was crowded today. The mid-summer heat enticing people to spend their days in the sun. Bucky made his way through the rows of stands, stopping to grab various items he thought his fridge was lacking. This had become a weekend routine for him, spending Sunday afternoons trying to create some sort of normality in his life.

He gets distracted momentarily by the sound of a high pitched laugh, forgetting about the bag of fruit being handed to him. It’s then that he spots you, the same girl who helped him in the alley. You’ve traded your hoodie for a tank top and you’ve got a little yellow apron covering you now. There’s a basket of pastries in your hand and you’re laughing with a group of people.

That small ache in his chest makes an appearance again, thoughts racing through his mind. Bucky doesn’t believe in fate, he’s far too old and seen too many things to think it’s real. But in this moment as he watches you, the girl who took time to care for him in a dark alleyway, looking like the world belonged to her, he can’t help thinking that maybe it does exist.

He doesn't know what comes over him, but before he knows it, he’s shoving everything into his bags and heading towards the shop. He doesn’t know what he’ll say, blinded by the need to just be near her. Before he can reach you, you’ve already headed back into the building and stationed yourself behind the counter.

He walks in and is hit with the smell of fresh pastries and he’s brought back to spending weekend mornings baking with his mom and sister. You’re just finishing up with the group, turning your attention to Bucky, “Hi! Welcome to Honey, what can I get for ya?”

Bucky blinks a few times, suddenly losing every ounce of confidence he’d had. “Do you need a few more minutes? Or would you like a suggestion?”

He takes a second to compose himself before replying, “Yeah, um. A suggestion, please?”

He doesn’t understand where his shyness has come from, but you seem to find it endearing. You motion to the display case and start rambling on about each treat, “The orange zest cookies seem to be a fan favourite, personally I like the neapolitan ones the best. We’ve also got every flavour of scone you could imagine if you’re feeling more classy. And oh, this one's new, bourbon pecan nut bars, a little midday pick me up. We’ve also got some fresh sandwiches if you’re looking for lunch. Or if you’re still not sure I can do a sampler box?”

“Yea, I’ll just get one of those, and maybe a sandwich too?”

“Sure thing!”

Bucky watches you fill up a little basket for him, noticing how you add multiples of your favourites. When you head into the back for a moment, he starts figuring out how to bring up this morning without being creepy. He doesn’t want to sound like he stalked you, that would really mess up his shot with you. You finish it up with a fresh sandwich from the back and hand him a neatly wrapped basket. “Alright, is that everything?”

Bucky realizes that this is his last moment to say anything, “Yes, and no. I don’t know if you remember, but I’m the guy who you stopped to help in the alley this morning. I didn’t stalk you or anything, I swear, I was just shopping in the market when I saw you and I thought I’d come over and say thank you.” By this point he’s wishing the ground would open up and swallow him, his face turning extremely red.

“I thought it was you. Don’t worry, I’m not freaked out. It’s no big deal, I’m glad you’re okay. I know how scary panic attacks can be when you’re alone, I’ve had far too many.” You offer him some sympathy, knowing how awful these things can be.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. Thank you again for the help. I’m Bucky by the way.” He reaches his hand out towards you, and when you take you swear you feel something, “Y/N, nice to meet you.” You reply with a smile.

The both of you stand there for a moment, lost in each other, only shaken out of it by the ringing of the door as someone enters. “I should go, I’m still on the clock.” You reluctantly let go of his hand.

“Can I get your number before I leave?” The question takes you by surprise, but you’re quick to put your number in his phone, and he makes a promise to call you later that night.

***

When you arrive home that evening you’ve completely forgotten about the promised phone call, too eager to make dinner and then climb into bed. You’re in the middle of cooking when your phone goes off with an unknown number on the screen. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Bucky.”

That voice fills your ears and your heart stops for a moment. He sounds tired, the raspiness sending a warm shiver throughout your body.

“Hey, yea, how are you?”

The both of you fall into comfortable small talk. He asks you about work and you tell him about all of your favourite moments from the day. You ask him about the pastries you sent him home with and he confesses that his favorite were the oatmeal lemon cookies, they remind him of the ones his mom used to make.

You end up still on the phone with him by the time you’re curled up in bed, barely able to keep your eyes open. “You should go to bed doll, I can hear how tired you are.”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

Bucky laughs, a small little chuckle, and all you want is to be able to hear that sound forever. “Why don’t you come over tomorrow after I’ve closed up the bakery and I’ll teach you to make something?”

“I’d like that. I’ll see you tomorrow doll.”

“See you tomorrow Bucky.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes fluff #marvel #marvel one shot #bucky barnes one shot #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction

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mossygardenstone · 4 years ago

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Only Then Am I Free (Ch2)

Sal shifted his gaze from Travis to Ash. "Yo-ou're kidding right?" He said with an awkward chuckle, that caught in his throat when Travis shifted his eyes to meet the other's, reminding him how bare he felt again. "No, I'm not. It /has/ to be done." He snarled, seeming to will himself to believe it for himself. Sal and Ash looked the other over for a moment, Ash being the first to break the silence, "Can you.. Handle that?" she questioned out of worry, but it felt so covered in venom to Travis. "Of fucking course I can!" He snapped back at her, making her flinch a little at the sudden yelling in the still room. Travis took a breath and rubbed the bridge of his nose, now broken more times than he can remember by the man he was about to have to help end. The pain coming from the fresh bruise across it, snapped him from his anger, and reminded him to watch his words, to make sure they didn't start to sound familiar. "No, sorry. Fuck..." He said trailing off as he finally stop purposely putting pressure on the wound. "I'm just... Stressed. I guess." He muttered and looked up at them, trying to find more words, but all it felt like was excuses. But he didn't want them to be excuses, he wanted them to be reasons, he wanted them to see him trying, him changing, but he wasn't even sure he saw it yet. But Sal, in his never ending kindness, did. He took a step forward, and put his hand on the Travis' arm, looking down at him with a gentle and reassuring smile. "It's okay, we understand, this isn't a really easy thing to handle right now, right, Ash?" He said, turning his attention to her, who gave her own kind smile and nodded as well. "You're right! I'd be snappy too under all this pressure. All good, dude." she continued, as she looked Travis in the eyes. He wasn't sure she had ever done that, not truly looked him in the eyes anyway. He gave a nod, with the quietest "thanks." his throat would allow, but then was followed by an awkward silence for a moment. They all stood there, almost thankful for the moment to all collect their thoughts.

This time, Travis broke the quiet, he raised his head slowly, and looked at the others. "We have to get your fa-.. Your friend." Fuck, get that piece of shit word out of your brain! He cursed but tried to reel himself back. Reminding himself, he's not the one that put that there in the first place. Despite the mental battle, Sal simply smiled, and commented, "You mean Todd?" like he had simply forgot his name. He wondered if he always smiled this often, if he missed every one of them behind that prosthetic. He shook the thoughts from his mind, he didn't deserve to think of the other man in such a way, when he nearly insulted his friend, simply because he was jealous of his ability to be open about his love. "Yeah.. Sorry, we have to go get Todd, but I don't know where he is? I at least know the cult doesn't have him." he rambled, trying to keep eye contact, but losing it as he continued to try and plot 5 steps too fast for his own mouth. Sal's voice broke him from his thoughts again, "He's in the mental institute. I got them to tell me as much." the blue haired man said with a scoff. Travis sighed with relief and nodded for a moment. "Alright, so we need to get him out. I heard he-" Travis, yet again paused in his sentence, his eye burning like a cliché. Guess he always will be a cliché of some sort. The eye gave a twitch and stopped it's soft burning, and he continued, "That he has had a lot of influence from the demon."

Travis' voice sounded so small as he spoke about the demon. Sal couldn't help but run things through his head that he may have faced, but he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to know the truth. Travis on the other hand, never even got to the point of considering telling anyone. He couldn't tell his dad about his sins, or his crush about his feelings, how could he ever think to confide the things he's seen and done, to others. He would be hated, more than he already was. "He may be able to help us with taking down my dad because of it." He added finally, as Ash shifted on her heals and looked him up and down. She could tell he had more to say than he was, and she wondered if Sal knew as well. She shot a glance to the bigger male, who if he did, was still looking at him with such a supportive look. She couldn't fully understand why, he had been the cruelest to Sal, she never knew why, but Sal, he always knew. The secret they shared that day never left his mind, he always hoped he would have taken his offer and actually reached out to him and his friends. He was more than ready to welcome him into the group with open arms, forget it all had happened, and move forward like they had been friends since he moved to town. But he never did get to tell Travis that, so he hoped, maybe now, after he literally saved his life, maybe he would make sure he knew the offer was there for as long as he needed. But while Sal was lost in the whirlwind of what happened, and fond memories of secret notes, Ash asked the question he knew he wanted to know as well, but couldn't ask.

"What are you not telling us Travis?" Ash finally blurted out. Looking him up and down for a moment, trying so hard not to be suspicious, her best friend would be dead if it wasn't for him after all. But still, when he said he was in the cult, it made her nervous, especially since he's the son of the leader. But she wanted more than anything, to just trust him. Travis scanned the both of their faces. Fear, confusion, trust. All plastered over the both of their faces, looking at him, like he was some sort of leader, like he would speak the truths of life, like he once thought his father did. Looking up at the man, high above everyone else, speaking truth just to lead them all to the world they deserve. But he wasn't his father, and his father held no truths, so why would he? He swallowed hard, his mouth dry, his chest tight, he felt the air in his lungs failing him. As his breath quickened alongside his pulse, he felt trapped. They wanted answers Trav, but what could you give them that wont leave you unwanted and alone, again? Ash's question swam in his mind and stomach, he felt sick, he felt weak, he felt like he'd hit the floor at any moment. And then he did, well almost.

All he could remember was the room spinning, his vision going darker, and a blur of blue. Sal could see the panic attack a mile away, nights alone with his nightmares, carved the signs into his very being. He had started his soft shuffle toward the blonde when he started to breath heavier. Not that the other would even notice, the panic he showed lasted a minute or two for Sally and Ash, but for Travis, it was years in a cage made of pure fear. But once the blonde's body couldn't take it anymore, and his knees buckled as his mind left him, Sal jerked forward as fast as he could manage. First grabbing a handful of the other man's sweater, then pulling him close to keep him upright, as he asked Ash to get something for his head. Ash quickly took off her jacket and made the best pillow she could with it, laying it on the ground, as Sal held the limp man awkwardly against himself, before carefully lowering him to the jacket to rest. "I uh, guess he needs a minute." Sal defused the situation with an awkward chuckle, as he lowered himself to the floor. He had changed in the time he was away in jail. Not that much, but just enough for Ash to notice, as she slid down to the floor to sit beside him as he watched Travis. He was bigger, Sal already hit his growth spurt, and was a bit taller than her, but he finally seemed to have grown into his large hands and feet. He was always lanky as a teen, even if he kept his baby fat for a long time. But his hands and feet were always too big on him, Ash thought it fit him though, like a puppy that needed some growing before he could truly walk with confidence. But now, he was maybe even a bit taller than she last saw him, and more toned. His hands looked a mess though, still larger, but now covered in more scratches and scars than there usually was. She almost felt small next to him, despite only being slightly bigger than the day they sat beside the lake together. She couldn't believe all the things that had happened since then. She missed him, she missed everyone. She finally pulled her gaze off Sal, and down to Travis. Probably the most odd addition to their crazy stories. She would always remember the day she saw Sal's face for the first time as she cleaned the bloody nose he caused.

Sure she can understand why he's like he was, but part of her couldn't forgive how cruel he was to someone like Sal. Who seemed to grow more fond of the bully after that day, which was even more confusing for her, and really pissed Larry off. She couldn't help but wonder, what would Larry say about this all? Sal hummed, almost as if she had said all that out loud, and he listened along. "I bet Lar would get a kick out of this." He mumbled into the darkness, as he looked down at Travis. "What the fuck is church boy doing here?" Sal said, in a mimic to Larry's voice before he bust into a laughter he hadn't had in him, in so long. Ash joined in along side him, looking over at the boy. Sal's laugh boomed into the dark and musty room, he looked around from the echo, the light left his eyes, and his laugh faded off into a soft whimper. Ash's heart crumbled at the noise, as she too started to take in the surroundings of the basement of Addison Apartments. All the stories she had here with Sal, Todd, and Larry. Soon they both found their selves sobbing in the dark together. Always together.

After a good cry, they finally calmed down, and sat in silence again. Sal never took his eye's off Travis. It's like he was afraid he would disappear if he so much as looked away. Ash looked over at him, her eyes trained on his face in the dark, she wanted to say something, but everything felt like it was said in the quiet they shared. Before she could even try to think of something, a shuffle caught her attention, she looked back to Travis, unlike Sal who had still been staring at him. His eyes softening when he saw him move. "Ah, morning sunshine." Sal teased, his long legs were pulled to his chest, as he leaned over them, closing the distance between the two a little. Travis groaned, his eyes rolling around in his skull painfully, as he pulled his hand to his head. Where was he? What happened? He looked down at his legs as he pulled himself up on his arms. The mud covered shoes and the smell of the musty room brought it all back. He groaned and pulled his legs in to sit cross legged. Unsure if he was more upset by the headache, or the waking up back in this nightmare. Once he lifted his head though, red ripped across his face, as he locked eyes with Sal, much closer than he remembered before it all became back. Sal smiled at him, a smile more expressed in the eyes, from years behind the prosthetic. Hardly noticing the closeness, as he was damn near closer to Ash at the time, but it was the closest Travis has been to him since he freed him from the chair, and this time, the situation wasn't there to distract him.

His chest felt tight again, but this time, in a way he loved so much more. His dark skin felt like it was on fire as he scanned the man's face, eye's trailing down him, taking in ever inch of the man that stole his heart before he even knew he had it. The smile stayed on Sal's face, and Travis felt his life complete in that moment, but he had to pull away, he had to remember to speak once again. "So- Ow, Sorry about that." He said rubbing his head, wincing when he touched it, his head felt like it was going to split in half. "I must have hit really hard, my head feels like shit." He groaned out looking up at the two again, still getting his surroundings, and ignoring the beautiful blue boy. "You didn't hit, I caught you. Probably just from the hyperventilating from the panic attack." Panic attack? Caught? Hyperventilating? These words hit him like an open window on the freeway. He thought he'd pass out again, hopefully this time he wouldn't wake up in hell again. But then, just as a cherry on top, Sal did something that nearly stopped his poor heart. He stroked a big hand up and down his back gently. If he wasn't blushing before, he most certainly was now, he was seeing stars, and the stars were as gay as him and his thoughts. Ash blinked for a second, before her eyes widened a bit, but she shook it off. She felt like a fucking idiot, how did she never notice? The boy was gayer than her, and can't handle his feelings to save his little homo life. She looked to Sal, wondering if he noticed the gay panic in the man's eyes, and if he did, he was hiding it, probably for Travis' sake. "Don't worry about it Trav," he started, in a caring voice, before he continued, "I've had a lot of panic attacks, I'm just glad you didn't hit the floor, it would hurt pretty bad down here, couldn't even be on the carpet, huh?" Sal rambled softly, reassuring and loving words spilling into Travis’ ears, sending his brain into orbit, and his hand. His big fucking hand didn't stop it's comforting petting as he spoke. He was convinced he was going to actually pass right back out, before Sal finally pulled back his hand, putting it to rest on his knee again. "How are you feeling though?" Travis snapped out of it at his words and turned his head to Sal quickly. "Uh, I'm okay I think.. I'm starting to get a hold on it all again. I'm still sorry, it's not really the best time for me to be taking a fucking cat nap." He whined mostly to himself, but it earned a chuckle out of Sal, causing him to look back at him again. "Don't worry, sometimes you just gotta lie down, like, right fucking now." He added with another friendly smile. But Travis trailed up from his radiant smile, up to his eyes. Had he been crying? His eyes flickered over to Ash, her eyes were the same. They both had been crying, while you were a little bitch and passed out at a question. He groaned and pulled in on himself, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his head on his knees. "I do know more than I'm telling you guys.." He mumbled into his thighs, not looking up at them.

#abuse tw #child abuse tw #sally face spoilers #sally face #sally face au #travis phelps #ashley campbell #tbh I didn't put tags the first time #because I wasn't going to actually do anything with this #but I've been really enjoying it?#So I'm going to like actually do shit lmao

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years ago

Text

To the man I love the most.

I woke up with Feelings so I picked a GIF, got distracted for half an hour because I couldn’t stop staring at him, and then wrote this kskksks. It’s self-shippy and very personal so skip if you want to, you know the drill lmao.

Word count: 1, 992.

Oh, my love.

Look at you.

You are... the physical embodiment of love to me. You, who I hold so close in my arms at night. My pillow is all I have but I cherish it and I always mourn the few days every week that it's in the wash because it means my physical connection to you, in another reality, is lost until at last do I get it back. You are everything I never knew I needed. You found me at a time in my life when I was more than ready to give up on myself and on my life. I was struggling so deeply with trying to manage full time studying with a part time job. I was suffering with insomnia, nightmares, panic attacks, dissociation, a general lack of self-worth and I was so, so tired. I had no friends, nothing to look forward to. My life was work, work, work and more work and there was nothing which was for me; everything I did was for other people but in the worst way; for none of these things did I want to do. I was only existing and my soul was dying. I was alone and I was done and I wanted to check out of life in the most permanent way but you unexpectedly burst across my night sky in a showering of colour which still has yet to fade and now, dearheart, you are the oxygen I would kill to breathe.

You taught me what it means to love, to really love with my entire self. Before I met you, never had I felt such a strong, intense and immediate connection to someone. I loved you before I even knew your name. I saw Carnival in the street twirling his sign with one hand like it was no one’s business, and I remember my body instinctively taking a long, deep breath and my lungs emptied themselves completely and my only coherent thought was, oh, there you are. I have never experienced that before and I know that I never will again. You are my everything. I will admit that initially did I fight my feelings for you. They were wrong, they weren’t right; I shouldn’t love you because of the things you have done. But I loved Arthur with my entire self; and you are Arthur. I loved you already, whether or not I had accepted it for myself, and once I stopped fighting you did my love for you only grow stronger. Even now, almost nine months later, I only fall in love with you more and more with every passing day.

I deal with so much more fear and pain in my everyday life than I think even I know about and I know that I have some issues which I need to work through in my own time. I am in a better place now than when we first met, Joker. Because of you I have made a handful of very raw and special connections and I know that if those people read this, they will know that they have been vaguely mentioned. I met them all because of you and I shall forever hold you responsible for changing my life in the best of ways. I’m sure that it’s a responsibility which you don’t mind holding, though. You already cup my heart so tenderly in your own, your calloused thumbs rubbing soothingly over the wounds and scars it holds. I used to joke, and sometimes I still do, that my heart is blackened to a crisp and shrunken to half its size. Sometimes I even joke that I don’t have a heart. But these jokes are untrue and I know that you wouldn’t find them funny. Perhaps you would even frown and tell me that it’s not true, why am I saying it? I say it because, before I met you, I believed that I had no heart. I spent my days in grey; so outside of myself that if I stubbed my toe, I couldn’t even feel it. But you held up a mirror to my heart and showed me that, though it is indeed damaged, my heart is still there. It’s still mine. Your loving touch applies my wounds with medicine and healing and I hope that in holding your own heart am I able to offer you the same. You made me feel again. You make me smile when I don’t even have the energy to talk and daily do I cry very real tears of love for you, because of you. You are always there to catch my fall, and most often do you do so before I even know that I am falling.

You and I are meant to be, Joker, of this I am certain. I won’t apologise for initially fighting the love I felt for you, though you were insistent and you kept pushing me in your own way; you’re as subtle as a sledgehammer when you want something, do you know that? In every reality, in every world, in every universe, you and I will find each other. Sometimes do I think that you don’t love me, that you’re only humouring me or perhaps that you settled for me, but these are vicious lies which my mind fabricates. Oh, but you’d be horrified to hear that I have such thoughts, even now, with your two rings upon my hands. You love me just as deeply as I love you and never again will I ever love someone the way that I love you. And, honestly, I don’t want to. You are a unique soul. You are so full of pain and torment, anguish and sorrow, heavy sadness and stress, which inevitably made you succumb to all that was making you numb. You are so beautiful, my sweet fallen angel, and you were always going to become Joker. No amount of love could have fixed you, and you don’t even need fixing. You’re perfectly imperfect just as you are and I love you for all of you, even the parts of you that you dislike. I only love those parts harder. No amount of love would have stopped you from becoming who you really are, but I wish that I could have been there for you from the very beginning so that your hand wasn’t forced, so that you naturally grew into yourself and so that you accepted yourself with a gentler manner.

You are a soul with so much love within his tried and tired heart, with so much wisdom and strength, intelligence and wit, with so much music inside you. I love music, I listen to it almost every moment of the day, but there is no music which I love as much as I love you. There is music within your soul as do you dance to the beat of your own heart, and I can hear it in my own soul sometimes, too, in my quietest and most vulnerable moments do you find me. Oh, but I dearly wish that I could sink into your refrains, made of crimson, and never resurface. I dearly wish that I could forevermore hear the steady and rhythmic beating of my heart within my own head, to feel you there with me always. I dearly wish that your soft, raspy voice, that your eyes of sea green, that your romantic dark curls, could be echoed within my own self so that always are you with me. I want for you to never leave my side, Joker. Now that I know what life with you is like, a life without you seems to be a nightmare. I could survive, I’m sure I could, I have survived having my own person ripped from me (though I rose from her ashes like a phoenix and became better, kinder, stronger of my own doing), but my soul would once more begin to decay without you by my side where you belong.

You are always my first waking thought and always are you my last thought of the day. Since you and I met, since I have met the friends whom I cherish so dearly because of you, I haven’t once felt lonely. Alone, yes, but never lonely. And it’s because of you. You have rejuvenated my spirit, revitalised my soul, and you have shown me a new way of life, a new way to love. You are the very physical embodiment of light and love, of joy and of strength and I shall always love you. No matter who I become, no matter where I go or what I do, you will always be with me. My Joker. You make me want to do better, to be better and every day I wake up, I make myself get up. I make myself try, just try, for you and for the people I love so dearly. I spend my every day knowing what it truly means to love and to be loved and it’s all because of you. You have changed my life, you saved my soul and I love every single part of you so completely. Arthur is my hope, my comfort. Carnival is my smile, my laughter. And you, dear Joker, you are the rest of me. You are my joy and strength, my reason and purpose, my life and my love, and I shall carry you with me always.

Because of you, I am learning to accept myself. I have gone through so much more than I have ever deserved to, I still go through a lot every day and there’s so much of me that I have to deal with, that I have to fight every single day, but I try. Again and again and again. For you, the man who chose his name but not what came with it. For the man who tried so hard and got so far but still, inevitably, did he fall. You did your best, you were trying so hard and only when finally was it too much for you did you allow yourself to give in, to surrender to yourself as did your darker side take over. In fighting, in trying, and even in just existing as the man you are have you made me gentler, softer, kinder, more open and more vulnerable. You have made me believe in the power of love, in the power of friendship and in the power of myself. I am so much more than I know and slowly but surely are you and the friends I have made because of you showing me who I really am. I don’t like everything I see, but no longer do I wholly hate myself. Not as I used to, anyway.

I can only hope that the love I have for you reaches you, that all the times I fall asleep holding my pillow, that all the tears I shed, that all the pieces I write, that all the letters I put my heart into, that everything I am and everything I still want to be reaches you. I can only hope that you can see me the way I see you. I know and believe with my whole self that you love me as much as I love you, no matter what my mind whispers to me, and I know that you are proud of me. But I still hope that those feelings within you are permanent, as they are for me. Never have I loved anyone like you, and I know that I never will again.

I hope that you can hear me, Joker, and I hope that you can feel the warmth of my love for you. It is unconditional, limitless, and every day do I only love you more.

With all my love and with the sweet and torturous feeling that I still haven’t adequately expressed my love for you,

Erika Fleck.

Our wedding ring; 26/3/2020.

The thumb ring which symbolises our love; 4/10/2019 - forever and a day.

#erileck #self-shipping #did i cry writing this?#yes yes i did #im so in love with hiiiiiim

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dearlazerbunny · 5 years ago

Text

Not So Bad After All

Pairings: Takashi Morinozuka x Reader

Genre/Ratings: G; descriptions of a panic attack

Words: 2200

Summary: Requested by anonymous; who wanted secret-boyfriend-Mori to come to the rescue during a panic attack (and Tamaki’s reaction at discovering the secret couple). There’s dancing, y’all, that’s all I’m gonna say.

“Okay,” you murmur to yourself, low enough so that the hordes of people around you won’t hear. “This isn’t so bad, right?” You glance around at the students darting between booths of cotton candy and carnival games, laughing as they pull friends by the hand through the crowd to their next big adventure. It smells of popcorn and sugar, and brightly-colored stuffed animals sway in the spring breeze and catch your gaze. It’s a chaotic but cheerful scene, and despite your hesitation the atmosphere does tug at something light in your chest. “I’ll just find the boys, say hello, then look for quietest corner to hide in…”

Easier said than done. The receiving line to see the club- they’re holding court in the center of the fair, surrounded by twinkling lights and lush landscaping- is miles long, with dozens of girls clamoring for a spot in line closer to their idols. Luckily, you catch Haruhi’s eye and she smiles and waves you over to a little side area that doesn’t have any foot traffic. She nudges Tamaki and says something in his ear, then leads a few others over to you while the ever-popular king keeps the rest of the crowd occupied.

“Hey Y/N!” She waves, her smile bright. “We thought you weren’t gonna make it!”

“Y/N-chaaaaaaan!” Honey’s small self elbows through the throng and tackles you in an enthusiastic hug, making you laugh and ruffle his hair. “I’m so glad you’re here! Did you see the cotton candy? It’s shaped like flowers!”

“Hi, Honey,” you giggle. “Yes, I saw the fairy floss, and it looks bigger than your head.”

He grins. “That’s the best part!”

“You’ll get sick, Mitsukuni.” Mori taps his cousin on the head, then lifts him onto his shoulders. “Remember what happened last time?”

“Um…. No?”

You snort. “How convincing. Do I want to know?”

“Noooooo, nope, no you do not.” Haruhi is adamantly making the abort mission signal. “So, what are you going to do first?”

“Mmmm, not sure. Maybe the bumper cars? As long as it isn’t the Ferris wheel I’ll be fine,” you joke. You are really not a fan of heights.

“Haruhiiiiiiiiiii? Where is Haruhi? Is she lost?!”

Said girl in question rolls her eyes at you dramatically. “Senpai calls. I’ll catch up with you later, yeah?”

“HARUHIIIIIIIIII-”

“Calm down, Tamaki, I’m coming!”

You have to smother your giggles with a hand over your mouth as you watch an exasperated a Haruhi storm back over to the group. “She’s got him bent around her little finger, doesn’t she?”

“Thoroughly.” Mori turns his attention back to you, and you can’t help but take in how handsome he looks with the lights glinting in his eyes and the rare chance to see him out of uniform.

“Hi,” you say shyly, reaching up in your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. “Busy night?” He makes an obviously unhappy noise of agreement. “I’ll wander around a bit and meet back up with you at the end, then? Don’t eat too much candy,” you gently rebuke Honey, pinching his toes. He sticks his tongue out at you playfully.

The pair eventually get back to their hosting- though not before Mori returns your kiss- and you watch them go a bit sadly. Mori loves his friends and likes his hobby, even if it does take time away from you. Winding through a busy carnival does sound romantic after all- he’d probably win every prize in the booth for you if you wanted. The thought makes you smile.

“Y/N! Hey!” You turn and just as your classmate Ann makes her way towards you. “What’s up?”

“Not much.” You give her a wave. “Just killing time. You?”

“Well, I was trying to get Hikaru’s attention, but considering I’m still here alone you can see how well that’s going…” she sighs, annoyed. Ann’s been hooked on the twin for months now, and it’s times like this you’re glad nobody knows about you and Mori because you just know she’d try and use you for an in with him. “Anyways. You here with anyone? Wanna be fair buddies?”

“Ummm…” it wouldn’t be your first choice, but Ann is harmless most of the time… “sure, why not?”

“Cool!” She gives you a wide smile. “I know exactly what I want to do- the Ferris wheel! Come on!”

Your eyes widen as she grabs your arm. “Oh, no, um, I’m probably just going to stick to the games-”

“Oh come on, Y/N, don’t kill the mood. It’ll be fun!” You squeak as she yanks you towards the ride, unable to get yourself out from her grip.

Despite every excuse you can think of- why don’t I just wait for you here? I can go get us some food! I heard Hikaru was hanging out by the ski ball- you’re somehow ushered into an incredibly rickety looking basket that’s swinging from rusty hinges. Ann is excited, talking a mile a minute, but you feel like you’re holding your stomach in with your hands. The clang the metal door makes as the operator locks you in sounds like a death sentence.

“Ooooooo, here we go!” The cab lurches forward and everything in you lurches with it, slowly pulling the two of you skywards.

“Oh god oh god oh god-” you’re frantically mumbling under your breath, trying to keep yourself together, but you can feel your heartbeat beginning to race and your fingers fumble nervously for some sort of purchase. “I don’t- can they stop the ride? I need to get off now!”

“Whoa, hey, Y/N- are you okay?”

“I can’t-!” The words choke up your throat, and pretty soon a full fledged panic attack is hovering just in the brink of your vision. Everything is too hot and too bright and too loud and you can’t breathe at all- the ride lurches as you halt at the top of the wheel, and a shriek escapes from you before you can hold it back- loud enough to make Ann jump.

“Jesus-! Okay, just, just calm down okay? It’ll be over soon, everything is totally fine, okay?”

You try to listen to her words, hands pressed to your face in effort to stop tears from rolling down your cheeks, but your breathing is still achy and off-tempo. The whole way down is a nightmare, every little shake of your seat setting off a torrent of new anxiety. You’ve practically leapt from the ride before it even touches down; stumbling down the steps and into the crowd with a red face and and shaky hands. Even worse, everyone is looking, watching you completely freak out, and you can’t get yourself to stop-

“Y/N.” Mori appears in front of you, tall enough to block out some of the blinding lights. “What’s happened?” You shake your head, too overwhelmed to speak. “Breathe. You’re safe.”

He keeps talking, just like he has every other time he’s helped you through a panic attack. It helps to listen to his voice; ever calm and unruffled, a cool contrast to the thoughts in your head racing a million miles a minute. He takes your hand as well, rubbing small circles with his thumb. “Y/N? Dance with me.”

You look up at him, choking back tears. “Mori- you- we can’t-”

Protesting doesn’t stop him from gently tugging you closer. You slip your arms around him almost in relief, letting yourself rest your forehead against his chest. His own hands drop to your waist, an incredibly familiar gesture that instantly slows your heart to a more manageable level.

It’s a callback to your first meeting- some gala so many years ago- where the long and formal night was starting to wear on your nerves something fierce. Mori had been kind enough to talk to a complete stranger, to joke with you and bring you a drink when you were clearly in no place to get one yourself. When he’d asked you to dance, you’d marveled that on the ballroom floor with his hand on your waist was the calmest you’d felt all night. Ever since, the two of you would ask each other to dance- to make the other take a break from homework, to celebrate a victory or cheer up after defeat, or just to make each other laugh. And at times like now, when the only thing that will get through to your overwhelmed senses is the feeling of his heartbeat as he sways with you back and forth.

“What are they doing…?” Tamaki comments, seeing the two of you dance quietly amidst a bustling walkway. You’re drawing some looks, but neither of you seem to notice- lost in your own world. “He’ll ruin the mood! This is not what we’re doing today, Mori-senpai!!”

“Is YN-chan okay?” Honey says worriedly, noting your red face.

“Let’s leave them alone. We’ll figure it out later.”

“But- but Haruhi, my carnival!”

“Tamaki I swear to god-”

…

When the crowds clear and all the girls have gone home, the eight of are you are left at a picnic table to watch crews of servants effectively bundle away the tents and booths. Honey is drowning in several newly-acquired plushies, the twins are devouring leftover food, and Kyoya is marking figures in his journal with a pleased expression on your face. You’re sitting next to Mori, probably closer than you should, but your nerves are still frayed. Haruhi is on the other side of you, occasionally sliding you worried glances. “So, um… is everything okay, Y/N? You seem a little…”

“Weird. Were you crying earlier?” Hikaru asks with his usual tact, words garbled from the popcorn in his cheeks. Haruhi shoots him a glare.

“Oh, um…” you fumble over an explanation until Mori subtly bumps your knee with his, grounding you. “I had a bit of a panic attack. A friend got me on the Ferris wheel and heights are…” you shiver a little. “But, um. Mori helped me, so. I’m better now.”

“Oh yeah, we saw that. Were you dancing?” The redhead raises a cocky eyebrow. “Care to explain?”

“Yes, care to explain?” Tamaki pipes in, his arms crossed and brow furrowed. “I thought we agreed that the theme was to be upbeat, casual, and fun! Dancing was not on the schedule!”

Your cheeks flame. “It’s just- something we do, sometimes.”

“Oh, because it’s a crime to dance with your girlfriend now?” Haruhi defends you with a nudge to your shoulder. “Geez, Tamaki, lay off.”

“Wha- G- Girlfriend?!” Tamaki sputters. “Mori-senpai does not have a girlfriend!” You look at the blonde skeptically. No, you hadn’t told them, but you thought they would’ve figured it out by now on their own… Mori seems to be thinking the same, giving you an amused glance. Haruhi is similarly looking at him in open disbelief, a gaze that says how thick can you be; Honey is giggling behind his hand, and even Kyoya raises a pointed eyebrow. Tamaki stares at all of you, not getting it. Then, very deliberately, Mori takes your hand in his and tangles your fingers together, right in front of the boy’s face.

“MORI HAS A GIRLFRIEND?!”

Kaoru almost chokes at his sudden change in volume. “Geez, boss, settle down!”

“But- but I- why did no one tell me? Who knew of this… this conspiracy!?”

Now even you have to hold back a laugh- Tamaki being ridiculous never fails to make you smile. You raise the hand not attached to Mori, and you can hear Mori’s laughter rumbling in his chest as he raises his as well. Honey sticks his bun-bun’s pink furry paw in the air, Haruhi holds up two fingers with an amused smirk, and even Kyoya puts a slender hand in the air.

The twins, for their part, just glance at each other and shrug. “We could’ve guessed.”

“Wha- you knew? And you kept it from me?” He rounds on Kyoya, his violet eyes wide and brimming dramatically with unshod tears. “But why, Kyoya-senpai?”

“Well, they asked me to, for one,” Kyoya says in his dry sarcasm. “I believe they were afraid you’d react along the lines of-” he gestures at Tamaki. “This.”

“That is hardly fair! As leader of this club I should know everything that goes on! I should-” he goes on, whining and pleading and arguing at Kyoya who very pointedly keeps a straight face and nods at the appropriate times while his best friend continues his rant.

“Well.” You glance at your boyfriend. “I suppose that worked out, then?”

“Something like that,” he agrees. He still hasn’t let go of your hand.

“Just for the record,” Haruhi leans in. “I think the dancing thing is cute.”

You shove her away, embarrassed, as the twins let loose some cat calls and Honey claps enthusiastically in agreement. “You guys are the worst,” you grumble, but you give Haruhi a smile anyways as you lean into the kiss Mori presses to the top of your head.

A/N: I had to throw in the “Mori, this is not what we’re doing today!” line XD

#mori x reader #mori x you #takashi morinozuka #ohshc mori #OHSHC #ohshc fanfiction #ohshc fic #ohshc fluff #reader insert #tamaki suoh #Kyoya Ootori #ohshc honey #ohshc hikaru #ohshc kaoru #haruhi fujioka

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jadekitty777 · 4 years ago

Text

Brewing the Storm

Here we go folks! Those of you familiar with me know I tend to have a “favorite” whenever I do a ship week... and this small piece is it! I hope you’ll all enjoy it too.

Day 5: Last Kiss @taiqrowweek

Rating: K

Words: 3,000

Summary: With Beacon in ruins and the fallout creeping over the horizon, Taiyang's only goal is to keep his family safe. Even if it means lying to them. [Takes place Post-Volume 3]

Ao3 Link: Brewing the Storm

He’d read once in an article found in one of the many throwaway magazines doctors and dentists always set out to preoccupy their patients with, that it was considered ‘healthy’ for there to be conflict in a relationship. The column had laid out bullet points on how fighting could communicate feelings, build trust and even increase intimacy. At the time, young and recently divorced, he’d scoffed at it, certain he’d never read something more ridiculous.

Now, two marriages and two decades later, Tai still scoffed at it as he angrily whisked the egg whites. His scowl only grew more pronounced as he heard the telltale footsteps of his husband entering the kitchen. He had to resist the urge to just turn around and snap at him to get out of his ‘room’, childish as it was. The kitchen door was pulled shut, offering a pretense of privacy before they got started.

“You can’t protect her forever you know.”

And there it was.

“Really? That’s how you’re going to start?” Tai snapped, setting the bowl down with enough force it nearly cracked.

Qrow gauged him as he rounded the dining table, resting himself back against the open end of it. Enough distance to not encroach onto either of their personal spaces, but not so much it felt like they had to shout at one another. Neither had ever been shy about getting into each other’s faces during an argument – but time and experience had taught them that level of aggression tended to drive them into poor directions afterwards. It was never pleasant to have to attend a bar at 2 AM to drag an absolutely smashed Qrow home; just as he knew it wasn’t any more a joy to deal with him locked in their bedroom and unable to come out.

So, they’d long ago made a pact to keep a divide between one another whenever they were angry with each other. It usually made Tai feel a little better, whenever Qrow remembered.

“I’m not going to apologize, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

Today, he was too furious to even notice. “No, of course you wouldn’t. Because then you’d have to admit you were wrong.”

Qrow scowled, crossing his arms. “Wrong about what Tai? That Ruby should know the eyes that she just accidentally happened to use is going to catch the attention of an enemy she isn’t even aware exists?”

“She’s not ready!”

“Well shit, you’re right.” His tone was mockingly affronted. “Why don’t we get a little care package together for Salem with a little note attached.” He raised a hand, punctuating the air in front of him as if he were pressing the words onto paper, “‘Please don’t attack until Ruby is a full-fledged Huntress. Thanks.’”

He breathed out through his nose. “Quit being an asshole.”

“Once you stop being unreasonable.”

“Unreasonable?!” He bellowed. “Hundreds are dead Qrow! Students older than Ruby! Some of them were students of ours!”

“And their experience didn’t save them either!” He shouted right over him. “Face it Tai, this isn’t about doing the best thing for her, it’s about you trying to rule over something you can’t control!”

“I don’t want to put another grave next to Summer’s!”

In the wake of his scream, there was emptiness. Nothing in the air left except their harsh breathes and regret.

The first one to move was Qrow – but his destination was disheartening as he yanked open one of the cabinets, pulling out a bottle of rum. He didn’t bother with a glass. “I know, but you don’t get to make that choice. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll let those kids live their fucking lives.”

With those parting words, he left the room.

Tai never felt so alone.

A week later, the first snow of the season hit. The storm had blown in overnight, bringing down fat, drifting flakes that coated the ground within the hour and continued on throughout the evening. By morning, mounds of it covered every inch of the yard. The leafless trees bent with the weight and the pine trees in the surrounding forest looked festive with their speckles of green bursting through the ice.

In years past, the first sign of winter had always been met with a level of unrestrained energy. Yang and Ruby would race down the stairs, cheering over the lack of school as Signal would close for the day to allow the students one chance to play. When the girls were young, they’d take them out, where there would be snowball fights and built up forts and, if the storm was really good like this one, they’d go up into the surrounding hills to do some sledding.

As they grew older, neither of the girls wanted to ‘hang out’ with their dorky dads and met up with friends instead. It left the house to Tai and Qrow. Typically, they’d make some homemade hot chocolate, get a nice fire going in the hearth, and bundle up together on the couch and watch old movies until it was dark. It was a relaxing, comfortable way of spending it together. That tradition eventually faded away, as Qrow’s missions took more and more of his time away, until he was almost never back in time for the Snow Day.

It was clear that, despite having everyone there, from the gloomy atmosphere that permeated every nook and cranny of their home, it would be the quietest year yet.

Tai wandered down the eerily silent halls, feeling like a stranger in his own house. Both the girls’ doors were open. With them still gaining back their strength, he wanted them to have a way to call for him if they needed anything. A quick glance into Yang’s room proved she was still asleep – but Ruby was already up. Her back was to the window, eyes intent on something on her phone.

He paused in the threshold, catching her attention. “Good morning. How ‘bout some breakfast?”

“Sure dad.” She smiled feebly. Her eyes looked red around the edges, making him think she’d been up for awhile.

His chest hurt, seeing it, so he smiled twice as big right back, “Alright, it’ll be up soon.” And continued on his way, thinking the world was more unfair then it ought to be.

Getting downstairs only amplified the feeling, realizing Qrow was neither in the living room or the kitchen. He had been spending less and less time home since their argument and they’d barely spoken to one another even when he was around. Not that a conversation was often possible, since when he did bother to return, he was smelling worse than a brewery and acting like his motor functions had been inversed like a bad video game mechanic.

Tai tried not to feel guilty, knowing it would eat at his resolve faster than acid. The rampant increase to Qrow’s addiction had little to do with him and more to do with the sudden chaotic state of the world and the loss of a friend. He was probably feeling confused and uncertain of his way forward without Oz to guide him and-

Focus, Tai. Take one day at a time. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Ruby first, then he’d check in on Yang and then finally text his wayward husband after he was mostly certain he’d awoken from whatever stupor he’d drunken himself into. With that battle plan in mind, he started up his playlist on his scroll, pulled out the dough that had been chilling overnight, and got to work.

It was nearly an hour later he was sprinkling the last of the powdered sugar atop the freshly made chocolate chip scones. He set a few of them onto a plate, then decorated it further with some strawberries before placing it on the serving tray. He poured a cup of Jasmine tea from the still warm kettle before adding it and an apple and finally surveyed his work. Light, flavorful, and full of his youngest’s favorites that might just be enough to put a real smile back on her face.

With a satisfied nod, he picked up the whole thing and started his way upstairs. As he passed by, he took note Yang was finally up. She was staring intently at a red-eyed blackbird outside her window that caused him to pause. After studying it and making sure it didn’t have a little feather crown, he moved on, knowing it wasn’t Qrow.

He didn’t want to think of who else it might be.

Instead, he stepped into the adjacent room, his daughter’s name already on his tongue.

The tray crashed loudly on the ground as he stared into the empty room, some drawers still open to indicate hastily put together gear and a single note resting on the rumpled bedsheets. He didn’t bother to read it, the horrible, sudden realization hitting him harder than an Ursa’s palm strike. Ears suddenly rushing as panic overwhelmed him, he sprinted back down the hall, leaping over the railing without a second thought.

He hardly felt the way the landing jarred his bones nor the way the cold of the frigid morning clung to his skin as he made his way outside, yelling at the top of his lungs, “RUBY!!”

The silence that replied felt like it might crush him.

Tai clutched at his shirt, certain his sternum was about to snap. No. Nononono. This wasn’t, she hadn’t…

Yet as his gaze fell upon the ground, spotting four sets of footprints heading down the front yard path, rapidly disappearing under the blanket of snow, he knew there was nothing left to doubt.

“God damn it Sums, why is she so much like you?” He cursed lowly, racing after the trail.

The docks weren’t far, just a few miles east. There would be delays, surely. Ruby was certainly still there, waiting for the next ferry. What a rude awakening she would get, when she finds out all she’d been waiting for was him grounding her into next century!

But just in case…

He pulled out his scroll, dialing a number by heart. “Pick up… come on, pick up!”

A click as the line finally opened. “This is Qrow.”

“Qrow-!”

“Unless this is important, buzz off.” Then the voicemail ended with a long-toned beep.

Tai could have screamed. “Qrow, it’s Tai. Call me when you get this. Ruby’s run off.”

He ended the call, only to immediately call again. Each ring seemed to drill at his eardrums until the message picked up again. He cut the call, frustration nearly making him fumble the device out of his hand. Just as he was about to try again, a sharp alert had him pulling it back.

Following after her.

He almost ran himself into a tree staring at that message, the three words saying almost nothing and way too much at the same time. He slammed his thumb into the call button – but predictably, Qrow didn’t bother to pick up this time either. That, or he had already shifted, leaving him unable to answer.

He tried texting anyways. Where are you? I’ll meet you there.

The lack of response stretched on. He tried not to focus on it, pocketing it so he could double his pace, the snow doing little to slow him.

He made it to the moor in record time, but even as he crossed the pier, he knew he was too late. There weren’t many people out and the few that were certainly weren’t wearing a prominent red hood. The Olympia wasn’t in its port either, and as he peered out across the water, couldn’t even spot a speck of it on the horizon.

What did catch his eyes was a little higher, a small form coasting underneath the cloud-line. His heart jumped, and he ran to the very edge of the pier. “QROW! COME BACK!”

His yell was as futile as the last, for the bird did not wheel around nor even seemed to hear him at all. As he watched him get further until he too became too hard to see, a terrifying thought hit him. What… What if that was the last time he ever saw him?

The guilt he’d been pushing down finally clawed its way free. Ravaged up his throat. Stung at his eyes. What a damn fool he was.

He took a breath, but his second attempt was nothing more than a weak, cracking, “Qrow…”

He didn’t expect an answer.

“Yeah?”

He spun almost immediately, his cascading emotions catching onto the ledge and holding tight as he caught sight of the worn and weary huntsman who stood only a few feet away.

He must have looked like quite the sight himself, because Qrow regarded him cautiously, saying quickly, “She’s only got a bit of a lead. I should be able to – Tai? What are you-?”

He crossed the distance between them with a crazed fervor, not letting him duck away as he grabbed onto an arm. Before the other man could even think to fight it, Tai was pulling him into a tight embrace. He buried his face into the side of his neck, breathing in the distinct scent of pine and whiskey that was Qrow.

It was several long moments before the tension trickled away, and long fingers found their way into his hair. Soothing. Familiar. “Hey, what’s all this about?”

“I just,” He tried to say. Like he had tried to keep things together. Like he had tried to lift his daughters’ wounded spirits. Like he had tried to hold onto hope. Everything within him shook. “I didn’t want to last thing between us to be a fight.”

The fingers in his hair froze. Qrow dropped his forehead to his hair, breathing out a frail, “Oh.”

Under the days that had been long and horrible, his emotions finally let go and Tai broke.

He was never one to cry, at least not the way most people did. There was no heaving sobs or hiccups, no wailing in pain. Rather, it tended to come forth with as little preamble as an early spring drizzle, light and almost soundless, but still there wetting the ground. He knew Qrow felt the slide of tears along his neck when another arm wound around his shoulders, his lean body melding against his. He spoke to him in soft, dulcet notes, but Tai didn’t so much pay attention to the words as much as the tone, letting it eventually calm the shivers and the tears.

Until he could find the strength to pull away, just enough to look up at him. “Do you know how terrifying it was, seeing the broadcast get hijacked? Having to go out to protect anyone I could when the panic set in, the entire time not knowing if you guys were alright? I’ve never felt more helpless.”

“I know.” Qrow murmured, the stony mask he’d been trying to keep up since everything went down finally crumbling, revealing the uncertainty and fear underneath. “I’m scared too, Tai. But trying to shelter Ruby and Yang like those four walls are enough to protect them from… whatever’s coming is foolish. And I know you know that, ‘cause you’re the same guy who did everything he could to give them the tools to survive this world.” His hand cupped his jaw, a thumb brushing over his cheek. “So what’s really going on, huh?”

He lowered his head, shame creeping up on him. “It’s just me. You two leaving, putting yourselves in danger – I can’t handle that. I’m not strong enough anymore. Or maybe I never was.”

“Bullshit.”

He blinked. Looked up. “What?”

“Bullshit.” Qrow repeated. “Tai, I’ve seen you get kicked down over and over again, and every time you get back up and ask for more. You take chances, put yourself on the line to hurt, in ways I wish I could. You may be a lot of things, but weak is not one of them.”

“Oh yeah?” Tai sniffled, wiped the rest of his tears away on the sleeve of his shirt. “Then what would you call me?”

“Mm… Handsome. Gentle. Kind.” A smirk quirked the edge of his lips. “A little stupid.”

He made an affronted sound, pushing his face away. “You jerk!”

“Heh, not an adjective, but I’ll take it.”

Tai rolled his eyes, but his gaze softened as Qrow nuzzled against his hand. He shifted so he could cup his face, tracing his features, ran a thumb through his scruff. “You’ll watch over her?”

“Always.” Qrow vowed.

“And… you’ll try and take care of yourself too?”

He dropped his chin, kissing his fingers. “Yeah.”

There were a thousand more things he wanted to make him promise – but he knew he was just delaying the inevitable. Trying to stall him, so he didn’t have to say goodbye. Never had to feel or wonder if this might be the last time.

He swallowed down another rush of emotion. “And you know I love you?”

Qrow replies, just as he had a thousand times before, “As sure as the sun rises.” before dipping his head, catching his mouth in a kiss.

Tai held him there as long as he could, until he had no choice but to let him go.

Watching the bird take to the wind only hurt a little less this time around. He stayed there on the pier, even long after Qrow had disappeared on the horizon, frozen like the ice around him. Whispered prayers to the Gods above that he’d see his daughter and husband again. Prayed that that kiss would not be their last. By the time he found the strength to move, a scatter of snow fell off him. A miniature storm he could finally let go of.

#taiyang xiao long #qrow branwen #Taiqrow #taiqrowweek #rwby #fanfiction #Chase Firekitten's Tale

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bloodlnthemoonlight · 5 years ago

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Fic: Carry You Home

So this fic was borne from the suggestion further down about Daryl carrying Carol back home from the infirmary at the end of 10x03, and is mostly just a introspection piece on his thoughts at that moment in the ep. This is for you guys, the Caryl fam, hope you enjoy.

***

The first thing he thinks - as the tight knot of worry and anxiety in his chest starts to unravel into relief - is that she’s finally asleep.

He looks down at her, hovering at her bedside, and studies the face he knows better than his own, retraces her delicate features with his eyes, fingers itching to touch, to smooth that frown line that’s still there between her brows even in sleep, but not daring to disturb her. Allowing himself the luxury of touching her would be entirely selfish of him right now. Daryl wants to seek out the steady thrum of her pulse beneath the soft skin of her wrist, but reassures himself instead in the continued rise and fall of her chest, her quiet, even breathing. That’s something that’s never changed about her, back to when they were first tentatively drawn together: she’s still so quiet in almost everything she does.

Carol is so still in sleep that more than once over the years, during the many times they’ve all slept together as a group, he has woken, or returned from watch, and found himself gazing at her intently to catch those subtle, vital signs of life. After Sophia, she’s only ever cried silent tears; tears that he’s sure she thinks she’s hidden well, but doesn’t seem to realise she could never hide from him.

Hers were the softest footsteps to echo down the prison halls, the quietest laugh only after his own...

God, he misses her laugh.

And even when she becomes a force of nature, she’s all stealth and deadly grace, and, as in all things she does, she takes his breath away in her beauty.

This is why the sound of her screaming his name is still tearing through him.

Carol terrifies him lately. More than he can remember her ever doing before. The past three days have exhausted them all, but her refusal to sleep, the pills she’s popping to stay awake like fucking candy... she’s making mistakes, getting careless, reckless. Imagining conversations they’ve never had and wandering off alone in the middle of the goddamn night in a way that scares the shit out of him and makes him want to not let her out of his sight ever. But Daryl knows she’d feel smothered and resent him for it, and he’s been trying his hardest not to push her, to give her the most space he can stand.

He’d asked to her stay with him, but she’s still elsewhere really, trapped in the hell of her own mind and he has no idea how to reach her.

She’d wandered off whilst he’d succumbed to sleep and could’ve been torn to pieces screaming his name. The thought hits him and his stomach drops, veins flooding with ice and heart thundering. He sucks several shuddering breaths but it still feels there’s no air and -

“Hey, easy.”

He’d forgotten Michonne was there; she must’ve been watching him watching Carol and maybe he’d feel embarrassed about it if he weren’t currently having a delayed panic attack over nearly losing her tonight.

“She’s here, she’s fine.” Michonne’s voice, familiar and steady, grounds him, and as one of the few people still alive who know him best, she doesn’t try to reach out and comfort him through touch and Daryl appreciates her so much in this moment.

He clamps down on the old instinct to run and hide his vulnerability, or to lash out defensively, because Michonne understands. Michonne has felt this feeling and so much worse. And he remembers when she too was once loathe to let anyone see the slightest hint of weakness.

“We got her,” Michonne continues, quietly, calmly, “You and me. If she’s falling apart at the moment, then we’ll hold her together.”

Daryl meets her eyes, sees the care and conviction there, and trusts that they will figure something out together. Carol, Michonne, Judith and he, they’re all that’s left of the tight knit family they once had, and even though they’ve built this community back up, even though he has other people he likes and trusts... well, the people in this room, Lil Asskicker and RJ (all they have left of Rick), they’re the ones he really can’t bear to lose.

Holding eye contact, Michonne takes a deep breath and Daryl mirrors the action, no longer feeling like his lungs are paralysed. He swallows down the lump in his throat to whisper, “Right,” hoarsely, nodding and turning back to Carol, who remains sleeping and oblivious to his minor breakdown, thank fuck.

Siddiq reenters the room then, and Daryl is thankful for his timing not having been any sooner. He still looks a little rattled, still carrying that haunted look that never really goes away nowadays, but he offers a fleeting, reassuring smile nonetheless.

“She’s out of it, I gave her something to help with the pain and it knocked her out like a light.”

Daryl is suddenly torn between being thankful that Carol will at least get a decent amount of rest, and annoyed that it came at the expense of pumping more drugs into her. He wonders if she had gotten those pills from Siddiq but decides that now isn’t the time for a confrontation over that.

“That mean we can move her and she’ll stay asleep? Take her home?” He asks instead, thinking Carol would prefer the privacy and comfort of her own bed, and Siddiq shrugs.

“Might be better to keep her here, but if you really want -“

Daryl does. He wants her close and safe and home. “Won’t do her no harm, right? You said she’s fine.”

“She will be.”

“Then we’ll say goodnight,” Michonne says, diplomatically, glancing at Daryl and motioning towards Carol with her head. “Thank you.”

Daryl leans over her and slips his arms under her back and legs, lifting her easily and cradling her close. She seems far too slight in his arms and he thinks someone should cook for her more often, makes a note to do so. It might not be nearly as good as the magic Carol can create in the kitchen, but he’s been fending for himself for most of his life and can at least produce something warm and edible for her.

“Thanks, doc,” He mumbles on their way out the door, and as they emerge into the night air, Carol stirs just a little in his arms, turning her head further into his chest before she takes a deep breath and relaxes more than he’s seen her do in what seems like forever.

Daryl looks down at her, curled into him, and feels as though his heart must be bleeding all over the damn place for anyone to see and there’s no way he’d be able to control it right now. He’s lucky it’s dark, but there are few enough clouds that the moon shines through, illuminating her face, catching silver in her hair. She looks pale as death, peaceful in a way that only gives further weight to the image, and it’s like a knife twisting in his chest, his mind throwing his worst fears at him in horrifying clarity. He remembers the dead weight of Beth as he carried her from that hospital and the thought of doing the same with Carol...

Fuck, he can’t. He can’t think about that or he won’t be able to take another step. He won’t be able to breathe through the pain. So Daryl grips her a little more tightly instead, feels her, warm and oh so alive. Soft still, even though she presents such a hard front to the world.

He grips her as though she might be torn away from him at any moment, by monsters both within and without. And if he takes a moment to nuzzle a little into the crown of her head before he sets her down in her own bed and takes his leave... if he holds on just a tiny bit longer, breathing her in and pressing a secret kiss at her hairline, well, he can only be so selfless, and his heart aches so desperately for hers.

There is so much he wishes he could say to her, so much that he’s unable, or afraid, to put into words; he’s not ready to say them and he knows she’s not ready to hear them, either. So all he can do is murmur three words - not those ones, though they live in the back of his throat, threatening to choke him everyday they go unsaid - into the quiet darkness:

“Stay with me.”

#kate writes #my fic #caryl #caryl fic #carol peletier #daryl dixon #twd spoilers #twd #the walking dead #twd fic

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m-602 · 5 years ago

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Cold

((This was a fanfic I created for @shaykai‘s “A Gear in Time”, detailing the events of a possible ‘bad ending’ that still ends up with a bright future.))

((This took me a while to make. And it’s soooo long. I’m submitting a link just to make things easier. From coming up with what to write, to all the breaks I took, to actually writing it...))

((But I enjoyed writing it. I don’t see too many people question what would happen in this situation! I thought it’d be interesting.))

((Also, if you’d like to request a story (or, heck, even an rp or something) feel free to ask me. I don’t mind! I need more stuff to do.))

((Warning! Mentions of violence. Also kind of angsty until the end.))

((Enjoy!))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ???, Hat Kid?

The world was spinning. She woke up completely dazed. Her senses were all over the place, making it almost impossible for her to recognize her surroundings.

After a while, the swirling feeling in her head dulls a bit as her eyes finally adjust to the dark room. In it she could make out plain, sterile walls. Tools littered the floor and in the corner she could see… a recharge bed?

Wait a second… Was she in The Facility?!

How’d she get here?! Did Moonbot capture her?! She attempts to probe her mind for any answers, only being met with foggy recollections. Was she forgetting something important? She desperately tries to clear the annoying fog.

Eventually, she manages to recall her memories clearer once her mind finally calmed itself.

She remembers finding a camera in her bush, which was creepy in and of itself. She managed to destroy it there and then and went to return to her house. As she was walking, a flash of light caught her eye. It seemed to be coming from… the junkyard? Was one of the other bots trying to get her attention? Like the child she is, she found herself drawn to the light, trying to find the source. She got to the junkyard… only for a mulit-armed bot to grab her. She tried struggling, knowing full well who it was before she felt a small pain in her neck. In a few seconds, she had completely passed out…

That was the end of the memory. That answered how she got here, but what exactly happened while she was passed out? She found it difficult to move, so investigating was out of the question…

At that thought, her concern shifted to the fact that she felt oddly… numb… Wait a second…

* Why am I numb at all!?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Junkyard, Snatcher

“Have you seen the kiddo!? Anywhere at all!?”

Snatcher was freaking out. He just learned from Hat Kid’s family that they can’t find her anywhere. Snatcher is already sure where she could possibly be, but he didn’t want to believe it. Didn’t want to believe that psychopathic bucket of bolts got her again. Didn’t want to believe that she was in mortal peril.

It was unnatural for him to act like this - he was aware of that and, quite frankly, didn’t care. His kiddo was gone, and he was ready to tear off a certain someone’s limbs for taking her away.

Everyone of the other robots gave him the same answer. They said they had no idea. They said that they would search for her. But deep down, they all knew what really happened. They were just in their own versions of disbelief.

Snatcher wasn’t about to stand by and let that piece of metallic trash do whatever he wanted to his kid! He was ready to charge into The Facility and take her back by force…

As splendidly as that’s gone in the past. In all honesty, he’s kind of terrified. Trashbot knew that place better than he did. Not only that, he’s outfitted himself with weaponry that Snatcher has come very close to meeting personally. If he wanted to do this, he’d have to play it smart and with the utmost caution.

Easier said than done. Snatcher was massive and his little wheel wasn’t the quietest thing in the world. He really needed to get that fixed… He racked his computer-brain for any solutions.

Going over the facts in his head, a direct confrontation with Trashbot would be suicidal within that place. The hallways are cramped and Trashbot knows the place like the back of his rusted hand. He’d have to… somehow be stealthy about rescuing Hat Kid. Somehow not draw attention to himself. Somehow find the kiddo without getting caught once! How was he going t-

“Snatcher?”

The voice jolted him from his mini-panic attack. His eyes connected with the speaker’s, revealing it to be... Thor? Tim accompanied him, too.

“What do you want?”

It was obvious that he was rather upset about the whole situation. It was even more obvious that he was struggling to find a solution, judging by the looks he was getting. Tim was the one who answered him.

“Well… We’re just as worried about Hattie as you are. How could we not be!? She’s family to us, after all… So we figured that we would lend a hand in her rescue but coming up with a tight-nit plan.”

Snatcher gave them both a perplexed look. They wanted to help? But The Facility is dangerous! Trashbot is dangerous! Snatcher doesn’t want them getting hurt! ...Not because he cares about him. He’s just fairly certain that the kid would be furious if anything happened to them on his watch.

“Look, I know you want to help the little brat. But that place isn’t exactly human friendly. I’m pretty sure you’d just get in my way. So… I will kindly ask you to stay out of it.”

He did his best to sound threatening, trying to keep a tough persona. It wasn’t working.

“And you think you can save her on your own? We know how dangerous Moonbot is,” Snatcher visibly cringed at the name, “and want to help out. You know that place more than we do… There has to be something we could do to at least keep Moonbot occupied while you rescue Hattie.”

Snatcher was going to protest… but he had no words to counter with. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was right. He had no hope of rescuing the kid on his own. He’s already regrettably aware of how risky it is to take Trashbot on in a fight. To have any hope of winning, they’d have to be in a less confined area. Plus, Snatcher would have no hope of sneaking through The Facility due to his size and… noise level. With a metallic sigh, he relented, still obviously hesitant to do so.

“Fine… What do you have in mind?”

A stray thought manifested in Snatcher’s robotic mind.

* Hang on, kiddo. We’re coming for you, I promise…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Hat Kid?

Hattie was panicking again. She really couldn’t feel anything. She couldn’t feel the metal floor, the temperature of the probably stifling air, nothing. It was as if every nerve in her body was taken out of her!

Wait a second… if that was the case then…

Moonbot always talked about how terrible humans were. Always said that she would be better off as a robot…

Robot…

* NO WAY!!!

He actually did it?! That was the only way to explain why she couldn’t feel anything! Moonbot actually managed to convert her!

What was going to happen now?! Would she be stuck here forever?! Would Moonbot make it so she could never move to keep her here?!

What would happen if her family found out?! If Snatcher found out?!

…

* They were coming to save me… right?

She let that thought comfort her as she sat there, still unsure how she can get her numbed, certainly metal body to move. She knows at least Snatcher will come for her. He always did anytime she was kidnapped and couldn’t get out. She could worry about being roboticized later…

Or now, considering the fact that she still can’t move. Being numbed probably has something to do with that. She tried desperately to at least get her right arm to move in some way. It shuddered a bit, but still remained motionless… After about a whole, agonizing minute (which felt like a whole, agonizing hour to her) she finally managed to move the arm slightly.

Okay, she could still move. The numbing feeling she has is making that abnormally difficult though. She figured she could probably try to-

The familiar squeak of a robot wheel broke her out of her thoughts. No way! Was Snatcher here already?! Ecstatic at the thought of being saved, and completely forgetting her current predicament, Hat Bot attempted to gain the attention of the robot outside.

“Snatcher?! Is that you?!”

She internally cringed at how metallic and… wrong her voice sounded. It was still obviously her’s, but it sounded (unsurprisingly) off.

The robot outside the room seemed to hear her though - she could hear the squeaking grow closer and closer…

Until the last person… or robot she wanted to see was right in front of her. Moonbot chuckled darkly…

“Now S-Starlight, w-w-why would he be h-here? I-It’s just you a-and me afterall-all.”

The way his voice sounded so cheery and glitchy made him all the more terrifying. It took all of Hat Bot’s willpower to keep from screaming. He continued.

“Oh, I’m so h-happy you’re aw-awake my little Starlight-ight. And you-you look so beautiful, no-now! A-A fine improvement from that-at f-f-f-flesh bag of a body before, hm?”

She didn’t respond, utterly shaking with fear. He seemed to think for a moment.

“Oh, ri-right! I almost forgot! I disabled you’re se-sensory re-receptors. The process was rather p-painful, so I-I didn’t want you to feel any d-discomfort! You should b-be fine now, so I’ll just f-f-fix that for you…”

He opened a panel in Hat Bot’s chest (and promptly freaking her out even further at the reveal of a control panel in her chest) and seemed to tinker with it for a bit. After a while, mild, yet sharp, pain seemed to shoot through her body, causing her to shrink a little. He closed to panel, creepily petting her head. She cringed at how cold it was.

“Some d-discomfort is expe-pected, my dear Star-Starlight. Trust me, it would’ve been w-worse before. It should fade in a few minutes.”

Hat Bot just shook there, feeling the discomforting pain throughout her body. Only one thought was on her mind…

* Please… Someone help me… Anyone… Snatcher… Where are you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Moonbot

He turned away from the robot girl to leave. Looking back, he noticed the frown on her face. It got him thinking.

* Well that won’t do! She should be thrilled, right? I was expecting to see a genuine smile on her face, as tempting as it was to plaster a permanent one on there… Perhaps I’ll change that if nothing changes. Seeing her frown like that won’t do at all!

He smiled at the thought. He spoke up again in cheery voice.

“I need to ch-check some things, my little Star-arlight. En-enjoy your new, eternal l-life!”

He fully left the room. He had to make sure a certain… greedy trashbot didn’t get to his Starlight. She is his… and it’ll stay that way until the end of time itself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Outside The Facility, Snatcher

They had been planning out what to do for a while. Tim and Thor had their tool-kits at the ready, along with stun guns just in case. They also have a box of spare robot parts. Snatcher… felt really uncomfortable about the stun guns and robot parts. However, he also understands just how important it was that they have those things. Still doesn’t help his discomfort, but he’ll live.

All they needed now was an entrance. They had to get in without raising suspicion. As such, they would have to disable the surveillance system that Trashbot would more than certainly have. The Facility being underground didn’t necessarily help matters, either. They would have to find something above ground that connected throughout the whole place… Or, at the very least, find some kind of power source.

They didn’t want to scare Hat Kid by darkening the whole place, but if it meant freeing her, they’d have little choice.

The trio investigate the entire area, searching for something that could be useful. They doubted that Trashbot would be so careless, but you never-

“Found something!”

Thor’s voice immediately alerted the others. Well… that was unexpected. Snatcher was sure Trashbot would be smarter than to allow something so easily accessible be above ground, let alone unguarded.

What Thor actually found was some kind of worn out fuse box. It was clearly modified - a lot of its parts didn’t necessarily match the fuse box itself, despite them being compatible. There were no labels on the fuse box, so there’d be no way to tell what each fuse did. Tim seemed to contemplate the sight.

“Hm… we’ll have to cut the main fuse. If we tamper too much with the fuse box, we could very well draw too much suspicion our way.”

“Whatever! Just do something! The longer the kiddo stays down there the more danger she’s in!”

Yikes, Snatcher looks and sounds stressed out… as stressed out as a robot can be. It’s obvious his worry for Hat Kid is only going to increase the longer they take, so Tim and Thor decided to get to work…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Hat Bot

The discomfort was finally starting to fade. She’s still trying to process the situation she’s in.

Being captured, being roboticized, being alone with Moonbot of all things. She was finally starting to calm down, but she was still terrified.

And very upset about being a robot.

It feels so… weird. And wrong. She honestly doesn’t know what to think. And the notion of an “eternal life” just doesn’t sit well for her, either.

Suddenly, the few lights that were on in The Facility went out. Hat Bot was even more confused. Her new robot eyes automatically giving her night vision didn’t help either. But she’ll focus on that later. Right now, she wanted to know what happened. Did the power go out?

…

* Could that be the others?! Is Snatcher actually here to save me?!

He must’ve cut the power! Suddenly, the idea of her being saved wasn’t as empty of a thought. She managed to stand herself up, still feeling woozy. She hates how she’ll need to get used to hearing metallic sounding footsteps. But the idea of being out of this place kept her focused on getting to Snatcher.

She walked towards the door, officially creeped out with how naturally she’s adapting to her… changes. Suddenly, she heard a familiar, and unwelcome, voice complaining in the distance. Moonbot was on his way! Likely to grab her and keep her close.

Throwing all caution to the wind, she got the peck out of there as quickly as she could, thrown off by how fast she was running. At least that’s one good thing that’s come of all this - the body was stronger, as painful as it was to admit it. On the bright side, it made getting away just the slightest bit easier.

After a while of running, she finally stopped. Being in this place for so long so many times has almost etched its passages into her brain. Moonbot still has the upper hand, but she (almost) knew this place as well as he did.

As much as she hated that, she can’t lie and say it wasn’t useful knowledge.

Now she just had to find Snatcher and get out of here...

* Oh man… He’s going to lose it when he sees me like this…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Moonbot

Moonbot was expecting some kind of rescue attempt. The power going out, however, was something he didn’t expect.

He really should’ve expected it - cutting the power to the facility would complicate things for him, making it easier for that thing to take his precious Starlight. For him to actually do it, however, was still a surprise for whatever reason.

It didn’t help that his precious Starlight was missing. She could get lost!

It didn’t matter, though. He’ll just take it as a sign that Snatcher is here…

He readies his buzzsaw, fully prepared to rip the intruder apart.

“She is m-m-mine. S-She was ne-ne-never yours. This wi-will be the last tim-time we do this.”

With a large, maniacal grin, he searches The Facility for the intruder. As he did so, however… he couldn’t help but think he was forgetting something important.

He just assumes that it was nothing, and focuses on keeping the intruder out of his and Starlight’s home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Thor

They all made it in. Fortunately, no one is around to see them… yet. Just as planned, the power has been cut, filling the facility with darkness. The two humans activated their night vision headsets, turning to Snatcher. Tim spoke up.

“Good luck. Bring her back safely.”

The noodlebot nodded as he went off, in search of the unfortunate little girl.

Now just the two of them, Tim and Thor went off in search of the cell Snatcher told them of. The Facility was confusing as peck to navigate, even with the directions Snatcher gave them. Add on the fact that they had to be wary of Moonbot and… needless to say they were pretty scared.

But they pushed forward. They had to save Hat Kid. She’s suffered so much because of that… thing. They weren’t going to leave her here!

After about ten minutes of endless searching, they come across… a rather dilapidated part of The Facility. This place was by no means the best example of “orderly”, but most of it had signs of care. Where they were now looked like a tornado blew through it.

Knowing Moonbot, there would have to be something he did not like here for him to let this area go.

And when they explored further, they found exactly what that thing was. A worn out figure, likely a robot, was chained to the wall of the area’s only cell. It was impossible to make out any distinctive details - only its shape and crimson eyes could be made out. The damage done to it, however, could not be more obvious.

The figure looked up at the two humans, hissing at them like an animal as they opened the cell.

“...Who are-”

Thor interrupted it.

“We’re here to help you… On one condition…”

The figure looked at him with an unsettling gaze. She looked desperate… and very angry.

“What… do you want?”

“All that we ask… is that you distract Moonbot so we can get our little girl out of here…”

The figure didn’t seem to believe him, judging by the unfriendly gaze she was giving them. She also visibly tensed at the mention of Moonbot.

“How can I be sure-”

She was interrupted by Tim holding a robot part to her, a power tool in his other hand.

“We’ll repair you and set you free. All that we ask is that you distract Moonbot and leave us and Snatcher be. We know you don’t have the… best relationship with him,” an understatement, “but, please. You’ll never have to be bothered by either of them again.”

The figure still seemed very reluctant. It was clear she wasn’t a fan of the deal. She sighed, speaking up again.

“My desire to leave this place and get back at Moon outweighs my hate for Snatcher… Fine… I accept.”

The two humans got down to freeing the possibly psychotic robot. They were fortunate she accepted their deal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Snatcher

Snatcher raced through The Facility. Normally, he’d be anxiously calling out for Hat Kid. But after all the tricks, and the fact that he was supposed to be kind of stealthy, he managed to keep himself from being a loud and obnoxious machine.

Best to have as little attention as possible this time around. He couldn’t help the kiddo if he was dead.

He was thankful for the night vision feature Tim and Thor added a while ago - The Facility without power was even darker than it originally was, a feat that was actually quite impressive. What he was more thankful for was the fact that he got that squeaky wheel fixed! Tim and Thor managed to fix it while they were planning the rescue, with Snatcher commenting on how long it took them to do that.

...

He must’ve searched for half an hour and still came up with nothing. He found it a little comical that he managed to search for this long without bumping into Trashbot.

Not that he was complaining. He was just counting his blessings at this point.

What he did end up bumping into was bright red, and familiar, light heading down the hall.

* Oh peck. Did I speak too soon?!

He got out of there quickly, peering around the corner to see who it was.

As it turns out, it wasn’t Trashbot. It was Vanessa!

* Whoa. Those two work fast!

If she was out in about, that means she accepted the deal she was given… Or promptly killed the two men. But judging by the fact that there’s no blood on her claws, he assumed it was the former.

“MOON!!!!!”

And hoo boy was she angry. Can’t blame her after what Trashbot did. No way was he going to stick around, though.

He silently wheeled off, still looking for the kid. He started to lose hope with how long it was taking.

Doubts started to flood his mind. He hoped with all his being that Hat Kid was okay.

As he kept searching, a strange sound stopped him in his tracks. It kind of sounded like… metallic footsteps?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Hat Bot

She must’ve been wandering around for over half an hour! She wouldn’t doubt if she’d wandered every part of The Facility!

She even passed by a weird cyborg… thing strapped to the wall. He… didn’t look alive at all. Poor guy…

She recognized it as the weird man that kidnapped her for Moonbot that one time. Guess he outlived his usefulness…

...

Moonbot was at the opposite end of the building, still searching for both her and Snatcher. She had prioritized getting as far away from him as possible… but may have taken it a bit too far. She almost didn’t recognize this area.

She thinks this is around the cells, where Moonbot keeps that weird ‘Vanessa’ robot. What does he do with her anyway?

She suddenly stopped, seeing strange light down the hallway. She immediately tensed up, getting ready to run… until she noticed it was yellow light.

* Yellow light? But the only robot I know with yellow eyes is…

She perked up instantly as Snatcher rounded the corner at high speed.

“WHA?!”

He skidded to stop, right in front of Hat Bot. They just… stared at each other, not too sure what to do. After about half a minute of staring, Snatcher’s face shifted to a look of fear�� Does he…?

“Kid… Kiddo? Is that you?”

Hat Bot stepped forward cautiously, nodding her head. Immediately, she started sobbing, synthetic tears welling up behind her artificial eyes. Unable to hold it in anymore, she threw herself onto Snatcher, sobbing away from all of the fear and panic.

“I’m s-so happy to s-see you… Moon, he… he…”

Hat Bot just kept sobbing, not needing to say more. She was just so happy to be back with Snatcher. She feels his claws wrap around her as he picks her up, holding her close.

Judging by how the eye lights illuminating the area turned red, she could tell that Snatcher was angry. But this red light… she felt comfort from it instead of fear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Snatcher

Angry was an understatement. Snatcher was furious.

First, that hunk of junk starts kidnapping her when its obvious she doesn’t want to be around. Then, he starts physically harming her and effectively torturing her in his vain attempts to keep her forever. Then, he actually manages to roboticize her, stripping her of her humanity?!

He was prepared to tear that Trashbot limb from limb… but Hat Bot’s sobs brought him back to reality. His eyes changed back to yellow as he calms himself down, holding the traumatized little girl tighter. He spoke up again in a calm, soothing voice.

“It’s okay, kid… I’m here now… I’m getting you out. We’ll worry about this later, okay?”

He felt the robot girl nod, her sobbing having quieted a little.

Not missing a beat, he sped off in the direction he came from, fully intent on blowing this joint.

He could’ve sworn he heard sounds of struggling in the distance, alongside a lot of inhuman screaming. Guess Vanessa found Trashbot - judging by the noises, she’s (somehow) putting up quite the fight.

After about five minutes, the fighting sounds died off as he neared the entrance.

“Snatcher, up here!”

“Goodness, is that Hattie?! What’d that thing do to her?!”

The voices of the two humans only spurred him on as he managed to climb himself and Hat Bot to safety. Finally, she’s safe again… But the damage has been done…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Moonbot

He barely managed to get away from the suddenly free and repaired psycho robot. Who the peck freed and repaired that thing?! And how did it manage to jump him so easily?!

She took some damage herself, but Moonbot was by no means unscathed. She managed to tear one of his pecking arms off. That was beyond painful.

At this point, so much time has passed, Moonbot doesn’t even need to know that his precious Starlight is gone… again…

At least he managed to fix her! Now he won’t have to worry about her being gone forever.

Yes… With that thought, he smiled…

“Don’t worry, m-my precious Starli-light. We-We’ll be together again on-one day…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hat Kid’s Bot’s House, Hat Bot

It took her quite some time to calm down. She didn’t think this would actually happen to her. She spent a good while just clinging to Tim (and Snatcher clinging to the both of them) while sobbing away. Even CC was there, rubbing her back as she cried.

Mu, Bow, and Timmy all watched on, horrified at what Moonbot had done to her. They couldn’t believe it! Effectively traumatizing her wasn’t enough? He had to take away her humanity, too?!

After crying her eyes out, she finally seemed to calm down. At least, calm down enough to be able to speak clearly.

“Uncle Tim…? What’s going to happen to me…?”

Her worries from when she first woke up have only piled on. She couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her family because of what one horrible robot did to her.

“Hm… Guess we’ll just have to keep you in the house until we can figure something out…”

“I won’t have to live in the Junkyard, will I?”

Tim seemed shocked at the question.

“Goodness no! I’d be devastated if that happened! I promise you, Hattie, we’ll figure this out. While we can’t change you back… I promise that you’ll still be able to live a happy life.”

“Even… like this…?”

Tim nodded.

“Me and Thor already have some ideas. We’ll need to get you a recharge bed, since you have to worry about power now. But we’ll do everything we can for you. No niece of mine is going to suffer because some scrapheap made her a robot…”

He brought Hat Bot’s head up.

“Who knows… Perhaps we can even make living like this even cooler for you, since the damage has already been done. After all, just because a situation is bad doesn’t mean no good can come of it.”

He booped her on the nose, earning a small giggle.

* Just because a situation is bad doesn’t mean no good can come of it.

He’s not wrong. Perhaps… she can find a way to accept what’s happened. So long as she isn’t spending eternity with that deathtrap of a robot, she may actually be fine with this.

Already her still childish mind is starting to run away with cool little thoughts that probably won’t (will) become reality.

She hugs Tim tighter, even bring Snatcher a bit closer (“H-Hey!”).

“Thank you…”

Despite the circumstances, she smiled a genuine smile, happy to be surrounded in the warmth of her loved ones.

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((If you managed to survive, congrats! I hope you liked it!))

((Poor Hat Kid... But hey, looks like things will be looking up for her!))

((Feel free to share this with others! I like seeing people read the stuff I make.))

((If you have any criticisms, please do say them. But if you’re going to criticize it, please be constructive!))

#ahit au #a gear in time #agit #shaykai #fanfic #long post #tw mentions of violence #angsty; mentions of bright future #hope you enjoy!

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chicgeekgirl89 · 5 years ago

Text

The Shituation: Chapter 5

Fandom: SEAL Team

Characters: Lisa Davis, Sonny Quinn, Jason Hayes, Clay Spenser, Eric Blackburn, Trent Sawyer, Brock Reynolds, Ray Perry, Cerberus

Read Chapters 1-4 Here

Shituation: A situation that is already very bad and then goes to shit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She felt like shit. Like really, really bad shit. Like she’d never felt this bad in her life, shit. Her mouth was dry, her body was on fire, her head ached, and it felt like her limbs weighed a hundred pounds each. She was also freezing. And tired. God damn it she felt like shit.

She could sense movement around her and felt like she should probably figure out what was going on since her brain had apparently turned to mush. She had no idea what year it was let alone what day it was or where the hell she’d ended up.

Forcing her eyes open she found herself squinting up at a tile ceiling that was probably full of asbestos. Her hair was tickling her face and although that seemed to be the least of her problems she really wanted it to stop. Trying to lift a hand got her nowhere so instead she turned her head to the side and immediately locked eyes with none other than Sonny Quinn.

Her memory came flooding back immediately and with it complete and utter panic. Her heart began to pound and she struggled to sit up. “Clay,” she croaked desperately.

“Hey, hey, relax,” Sonny said, reaching out a hand to grip her arm in reassurance. “You’re safe. We’re all safe. Clay’s fine, okay?”

She swallowed a couple times, trying to get her bearings. Tears sprang to her eyes, which was incredibly embarrassing, but everything hurt so much and she was tired and scared and she never, ever wanted to do something like that again.

Sonny’s hand moved to hold hers and he stroked his thumb back and forth comfortingly, letting her cry. “Is it—“ She couldn’t find the right words to ask what she needed to know. “Am I—?”

“You’re all right,” he said quickly. “Lost a lot of blood, gave us all a scare, but the docs say you’re going to be just fine.”

“Okay.” She nodded. “Okay.”

The world was growing dark, her eyes heavy, but panic flared through her and she gripped Sonny’s hand tightly. “Don’t leave,” she said. She didn’t want to be alone.

“Got nowhere else to be.” He pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “Go to sleep. I’ll be right here.”

The next couple days were a blur of pain and exhaustion, but every time she woke up, Sonny was there. His steady presence at her bedside kept her grounded when she woke up terrified, her body apparently locked in a permanent state of fight for the time being.

It was three days later that she woke up and actually felt a little more like herself. As usual, Sonny was sitting right beside her, his boots propped up on the edge of her bed while he read a worn paperback. “Devil’s Desire?” she said with a smile. “I kind of figured you for more of a thriller or western guy.”

“Not a lot of choice in the hospital waiting room. So I’m learning about something new,” he said. “For example, there are many more ways to refer to a man’s private parts than I ever knew. Which is saying something. Also I need to work on my wooing. Women like wooing. And swooning.”

“Well that’s true, we do all love a good swoon every now and then.” She wanted to sit up more and struggled against all the tubes and wires that still connected her body to the machines by her bed.

“Here.” Sonny pressed a button and the bed slowly moved into a more upright position. “Better?”

“Yeah, thanks.” She shifted until she was comfortable. “You have been like…showering and going to the bathroom right?”

“Are you saying you don’t want my company in here?”

“No! I just feel a little bad that you’ve been sleeping in that chair for the last couple nights.”

“Believe me, this is not even close to the worst place I’ve slept. Sometime I’ll tell you about Bahrain. Now that was a bad night. Although,” he cleared his throat, “honestly, the first couple nights when you were so out of it weren’t that great either.”

Lisa opened her mouth to respond, but there was a knock on the door and Jason poked his head in. “Hey, you’re awake! Feel like having some visitors?”

“Only if you brought beer,” she said with a grin.

Ray came in holding a paper bag. “How does ice cream sound instead?”

She nodded. “I will accept that for now.”

Trent and Brock were there too and her eyes landed on the quietest Bravo man. “I hear I owe you an extra thank you,” she said, her throat going a little tight. Sonny had filled her in on what had happened. She knew Jason had made an impossible choice and Brock had stepped up to make sure they all got out alive.

“Couldn’t go home without the best member of the team,” he said softly.

“Aw, thanks Brock. That’s so nice.” Clay rolled himself through the doorway to much clamor from the team.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?” Lisa asked.

“Nah,” he said with a grin. “Threw a bandaid on it and I’m good. How are you?”

“Great,” she said. “I might never wear a bikini again, but other than that I’m good.”

That was a partial lie and both she and Sonny knew it, but she ignored his pointed look. Every single one of her boys was looking at her for reassurance that she was going to be okay and she would give it to them. They had saved her life, she owed them that much. Who cared if she still couldn’t stand up without help or that breathing hurt like hell?

They stayed for a bit chatting and ribbing on each other and her until a nurse came and scolded Clay for leaving his room, then broke up the party. “Sonny,” Jason said as the team moved out, “give us a minute?”

Sonny’s eyes slid to hers and she nodded. “I’ll just go get a coffee or…whatever the hospital says is coffee,” he said.

Lisa knew that look on Jason’s face. “If you’re about to apologize you don’t need to,” she said before he could even get a word out. “It was my choice to go.”

“But it’s my responsibility to get my team back in one piece. And I’m sorry I didn’t do that,” Jason said.

“Jason, I’m going to be fine,” she said.

“I know,” he said with a nod. “I know you are. I just want you to understand how important you are to us, Davis. You’re family. Not just our family, you’re my family. We couldn’t do what we do without you. And I was proud of every, single thing you did out there.”

Warmth flooded her chest and she smiled. “Thanks,” she said.

He looked a little hesitant and she waited for what was coming next. “I’m sure Sonny told you about Clay and the reason Brock had to donate to you.”

She was already shaking her head. “It was a terrible choice Jason. You made the right call. I’m not going to hold it against you.”

“Yeah well, it might have been the right call but that didn’t mean I liked making it.”

“We all got out of there Jason. Whatever happened, it was the way it was meant to be.”

He still looked a little unsettled. It would be a long time before any of them got past this one. “You call if you need anything,” he told her. “I mean it, anything at all.”

“I will. Give the kids a hug for me okay?”

“You got it.”

He left and moments later Sonny came back, two cups of coffee hand. “Is it safe in here?”

She rolled her eyes. “Not if you’re here it’s not.”

“Well I’ll just take this delicious hospital coffee back to the cafeteria then.”

“Nope. Hand it over. I almost died, I deserve coffee.”

“Hell yeah you do.” He settled back into his chair. “You make Jason promise you a raise?”

She snorted. “It’s not his fault Sonny. It’s not anybody’s fault.”

“Oh it’s somebody’s fault but they’re mostly dead now so I can live with it,” he grunted.

He sobered a bit. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“You did you know. Almost die out there. And it kinda…” he swallowed, “I almost lost my two best friends. Both of you just gone. Guess that doesn’t sit too well with me.”

“Yeah me neither.”

He cocked his head to the side. “You doing all right? Like, mentally I mean?”

“You’re the one who’s sat through three nights of panic attacks so you tell me.”

He looked stricken so she reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly. “I’ll be all right Sonny. You’ve already made this shituation a lot less shitty. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here the last couple days. It’s going to take a while. But I’ll be okay. I promise.”

“Well I’ll be here,” he said gruffly. “For all of it.”

She looked down at their still entwined hands and felt a little nudge of something in her heart. She replayed the last few days, every touch he’d given her, every time she’d woken up to find him there beside her, the quiet words he’d whispered in the night when she was shaking from nightmare after nightmare. She and Sonny were pretty close, but there were certain lines they’d never crossed. Lines that had seemed to disappear a little bit lately. And she was kind of okay with it.

“Good,” she told him with a smile. “I’d like that a lot.”

#SEAL Team #SEAL Team Fanfiction #Lisa Davis #Sonny Quinn #Savis #The Shituation #Chapter 5 #Clay Spenser #Jason Hayes #Ray Perry #Trent Sawyer #Brock Reynolds #Gunshot wounds #Whump #Lisa Davis Whump #Clay Spenser Whump

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injusticeff · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter Twenty-Three

Xae

Surprisingly, it was extra quiet in the house today. Bree was knocked out clean because she had been extra tired lately due to having my seed growing inside of her.

And Simone had been more on the quiet side ever since she came back home from the hospital. She didn't want to speak that much which was understandable, but it had me a little worried about her. It's like she hit rock bottom and all her previous strength and enthusiasm was now drained from her body. Anything would set her off right about now.

I had been cautiously checking on her throughout the day to make sure that she was ok and attempt to get her to eat something instead of being under the covers all day long, which I felt would only make things worse since she'd likely be more focused on all of the horrible things that had been happening lately.

I felt some type of way that I wasn't able to tell what was going on with her. I've been too caught up in my own bullshit to give her the attention that I should have been giving.

She opened up to me but only partially, and it made me think that maybe she didn't trust me like I thought she was starting to. There's clearly so much about her that I still didn't know and haven't even touched the surface of. And that was the worst part of it all because I feel like I've opened up to her about so much. When Bree and I are going through things, Simone's always right there trying to tell me how to fix it.

Her corny ass would always tell me to buy her some flowers or some of her favorite ice cream to make up, but I never did because honestly, I didn't even think that was going to work. Bree and I have been through a lot together and if there's one thing she is, it's stubborn. Flowers and ice cream might butter her up, but it won't fix things and that's where my dilemma was.

I knew what the real cause of me and Bree's problems were, I just don't think that I want to admit it yet. Especially not after the other day.

Bree had calmed down since I told her what happened a few days ago, mainly because she knew how it felt to get so excited about a child only to lose them. The house had been at its calmest and quietest in a while.

I sighed aimlessly, with nothing to do but watch TV since Bree was asleep and Simone hadn't been doing anything except laying down for the past few days. Plus, Antonio had been more busy than ever lately and of course, his business came first so I couldn't really blame him.

Deciding that watching TV was my best bet, I grabbed the remote from the nightstand beside my bed and turned it on, beginning to flip through channels like I had no home training. Of course, nothing good had been on since it was a Sunday morning and most people were at church getting their praise on.

I decided to settle on the news since I hadn't really sat and watched what was going on in the world lately. They were doing a story on some murder case that had took place a few days ago with the body just being found earlier this morning in some dumpster a hobo had been shopping in before he stumbled upon the mutilated body.

A couple of graphic pictures appeared on the screen to showcase how gruesome the murder was. "23-year-old Tiarra Wyatt was found dead this morning after being shot in the head twice, stabbed a total of 57 times, and brutally beaten until her face and body were unrecognizable. The woman was found in only a bra and underwear set and her head had been shaved."

"Damn." I mumbled out as I shook my head in disappointment at the brutality of the gruesome homicide. I swear, this world is falling apart day by day. They did that girl so dirty and for what? People just don't respect the value of life nowadays.

"If you have any information, please call our hotline at..."

I tuned the reporter lady on the screen out once I began hearing loud sniffles coming from outside of my room. My room door had remained wide open since the day Simone and I came back from the hospital, just in case she called for me. I wanted to be sure that I heard her.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I turned down the volume on my TV and got up from the bed once I began hearing the sniffling more clearly. By now, I knew she was crying and all I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and tell her that everything's going to be alright; that things would get better. But she'd been through so much that I'm not even sure she would believe those words even if I did say them.

Even still, I made my way to her room and realized her door was closed so I decided to knock just to be respectful. Everything suddenly stilled and I could no longer hear her sniffling which caused me even more confusion so I knocked again.

And again, no answer.

I let out a breath I had been holding in and just swung the door open, looking around the room to see an empty but messy bed with Simone nowhere to be found. My heartbeat immediately quickened as I started to panic, looking in every corner and crevice in the room for her, even the closet. She hadn't got up from her spot on the bed in days and although I should be happy that she finally got up, something was telling me that things were very wrong.

"Simone, where you at baby girl? Stop hiding from me." I called out, attempting to lure her to me since I couldn't find her inside of the room. But I only received silence which drove me even crazier.

I began flipping over covers and mattresses trying to find her before coming to the conclusion that she couldn't have been in her room so I walked back into the hallway and started opening every possible door I could find.

As I opened the bathroom door, I had to double take at the scene in front of me. There was blood everywhere. Simone had about a two inch long vertical slit down her left wrist that was gushing blood as she held a razor up to her other wrist, jumping once she saw me.

"Yo, what the fuck you doing?!" I yelled, immediately reaching for the nearest towel and swiftly wrapping it around her gashed wrist and applying pressure on it by cuffing my large hand firmly around it as I grabbed the razor out of her hand and threw it away from her, cutting my own finger in the process. "Are you fucking crazy?!" I growled, growing heated by the second.

Simone was in trouble. She could barely stand up straight without me holding onto her and she couldn't make out her words to form correct sentences. She was losing way too much blood.

Picking her up bridal style, I maneuvered one of my hands around her so that I could keep some pressure on the wound and stop her from losing as much blood. I quickly carried her out to my car and placed her in the passenger's seat where her head immediately fell back against the headrest as she struggled to keep her eyes open. She gave me a weak smile and reached up to lightly brush my cheek with her hand, getting a bit of blood on me in the process. "I... I lo—"

"Shh, save your energy baby." I told her as I closed her door and quickly jogged back into the house to grab my car keys, then headed back out without so much as locking the door behind me because I was in too much of a hurry. I knew I lived in a nice neighborhood so I wasn't really worried anyway.

Once I got back in the car, I started it up and made her try to apply as much pressure as she could to her wound but when I grabbed her hands, I noticed how icy they were and wasted no time in speeding off towards the nearest hospital.

***

I had just finished eating some Chick-fil-A from one of the little restaurants inside of the hospital and threw away my trash. Bree had called a couple of hours ago because when she woke up, Simone and I were gone and there was blood on the floor that led all the way to the front door, which was also unlocked. She was worried about us so I explained to her the gist of what happened.

She felt bad for what had happened and thought that it was partly her fault for being so rude to Simone for no reason, but I assured her that Simone had way more issues that could have caused this than just Bree being a bitch.

I had been up here for almost six hours already and honestly, my nerves were racking. I couldn't sit still for even a second before I'd catch my leg bouncing up and down or my fingers tapping against something. The last thing I wanted was for her to be taken away from me when I just got her back in my life. I wanted to know what she was going to tell me in the car before I cut her off and if she died...

I shook my head to break me away from my thoughts and instantly stood once I noticed her doctor walking towards me. "She’s stable. She lost a lot of blood but we were able to control it before it became too late. If you didn't get here when you did, I'm not sure if she would have made it."

My eyes fluttered closed and I let out a sigh of relief, happy that they were able to save her life. "Could I see her?" I asked with hopeful eyes and the doctor soon began leading the way to her hospital room.

He allowed me to go inside by myself so that Simone and I could talk privately, which was fine with me because now that all the worry was gone about if she was alive or not, I was pissed. What if I hadn't heard her crying in there? I would have just found her lifeless body laying there and bleeding out later on during the day and there would be nothing I could do about it.

When I stepped inside the room, I closed the door behind me and silently made my way over to the side of the bed where the empty chairs were. Simone was awake, but didn't acknowledge me as she stared out of the window without so much as a blink.

"How you feeling?" I asked just to break the ice before I decided to cuss her ass out for almost giving me a heart attack. But just like back at home, she gave me no answer. I sighed and buried my head in my hands. "So you just gon' ignore me?" I asked again after a few seconds but she didn't even flinch. Her eyes remained glued to the closed window, where all she had been looking at are the blinds. Her silence was beginning to make my blood boil. I haven't done anything except try to help save her life countless times and I understand she's hurt but she could just tell me she doesn't want to talk instead of giving me the cold shoulder as if I had fucked her over. "Yo, what were you thinking doing that shit?"

She finally cut her eyes at me and glared as if she was ready to put a bullet hole in my head just to shut me up. "You have no right to tell me how I should feel. I've lost everybody. My boyfriend, my children... my sister." She looked away from me once tears began to fall from her eyes freely but I cupped her chin in my hand and turned her back to face me. I wanted her to look at me when I talked to her.

"What do you mean you lost your sister?" The only time she really talked about her sister was when she told me about how she tried fucking both of Simone's boyfriends. But that was the extent of my knowledge on the girl.

She closed her eyes in attempts to stop her crying but it only caused more tears to fall. "She—I was watching the news..."

Then it finally hit me. Around the time I heard Simone sniffling, I had also been watching the news story on that girl who was murdered. At the time, I hadn't even paid much attention to the fact that she and Simone had the same last name. "Her name was Tiarra?" She nodded in response causing me to sigh. This girl just couldn't catch a break. "Look, don't ever pull the shit you pulled today again. If you ever feeling that way, you come to me."

"I'm sorry..." She cried lowly as she hung her head low and Lord knows that I couldn't even be mad at her anymore.

Ajanae

I awaited my informant inside of the empty and unkempt home.

My eyes had been seemingly darting around the room, attempting to memorize the area just in case something popped off during this meeting. It was called so suddenly and abruptly that I didn't even get a chance to ask what it was about. I already knew it had to be information on Simone and her reasoning for trying to kill me that night. But I still wanted to be sure and safe.

Raising my hand up, I glanced down at the rose gold Michael Kors watch that sat pretty on my wrist and checked the time, realizing that I had been sitting here for ten minutes waiting on this nigga when he was the one that called the meeting in the first place. I let out a huff and rolled my eyes because I should have known to be on black people time.

Suddenly, I heard a door swing open causing me to crouch behind one of the couch's that sat in the abandoned home. It was dark so I would have to wait for whoever it was to come into the room where the light from the moon reflected down through the windows. The dread head known as my informant and hit man stepped into the dusty room where I hid causing me to step out from behind the couch once I saw that it was actually just him.

"Damn, what chu think? I was tryna kill you a'sum? Then I wouldn't get paid." He spoke sarcastically once I came into his view.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance, not one to be joking around at a time like this. I wanted things to remain as professional as possible and I can't do that when he's laughing about how he's only not killing me because I'm paying him. I should have known that anyone Dom associated with was absolute garbage. "Did you find the girl?" I asked, getting straight to the point.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. The girl that tried to kill you is dead."

My face instantly scrunched up at his revelation since the last time I checked, Simone Wyatt was still alive and breathing. "Are you sure? How do you know?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"She got taken out by somebody else." He shrugged nonchalantly then suddenly cut his eyes at me. "I'm still getting paid though, right?"

Another eye roll effortlessly left my face, but I actually had to think about that one. That was a good question. "You get half since you only did half the work."

He instantly smacked his lips. "Man c'mon, it's not my fault. Clearly that bitch had more enemies than just you." The dread head complained causing me to shrug.

"I paid you to find her and kill her. Sounds to me like all you did was find her, so I'm removing the portion I was supposed to be paying for you to kill her." He honestly had me all the way fucked up if he thought that I was going to be paying him for a job that he didn't even do. I wanted to watch her squirm but I couldn't even do that now. "By the way... the girl who did it, what was her name?" I asked, purely out of curiosity.

He stayed silent for a few seconds with his arms folded, obviously still salty that he wouldn't be getting the full amount of payment we had initially discussed. But hey, you got to be quicker than that. "Tiarra Wyatt." He spoke after a few minutes of throwing his little temper tantrum.

My eyes immediately widened and my mouth fell ajar as I took in the information. A headache soon came onto me as my brain racked wildly from the revelation and that's when it all came back to me.

***Flashback***

I stood frozen in fear near the side of my bed and short breaths escaped my lips as I stared back at the person who had been dressed in all black, pointing a gun straight at me. I had never been held at gun point before, nor did I ever plan to so I was completely petrified and couldn't think of anything else to do.

"W-Who are you? Look, whatever you want you can have just—just be careful with that gun." I spoke calmly and slowly, holding my hands out so that I would seem as less of a threat to whoever was behind the mask as possible. I wasn't trying to lose my life tonight over some material objects that I could buy back at any time.

The smell of fear basically exuded off of me as I noticed my hands shaking unwillingly out in front of me. "Oh you don't know who I am?" The familiar voice spoke, completely surprising me that it had been a female. "I'll give you a hint. A few months ago, you and ya little friend thought y'all were so big and bad when y'all jumped me and made my nigga cut me off. Now it's time I got a little payback."

My face immediately straightened out from its confused expression and my hands dropped to my sides as the realization of who was now holding me at gun point came to me. Then something else she had said caught my attention. My so-called 'little friend' and I instantly became a little salty since the ending of Simone and I's friendship was still fresh; it still hurt me. "We're not friends anymore." I gritted out through clenched teeth as I cut my eyes at her.

"Boohoo, I really don't give a fuck. Now... any last words?" She spoke in a menacing tone as she toted the gun higher up at me and cocked it.

I couldn't believe this girl was actually serious. She was the cause of all of the problems in her life, not me. So I had no clue why she was now breaking into my house and threatening me. I didn't want to believe she would actually have the guts to kill someone but at the same time, I couldn't take that chance of underestimating her when I had no way to defend myself against her.

I held my hands up in defense once again and backed up against the wall, attempting to protect myself in anyway I could and if that meant giving this girl an apology that I didn't actually mean, then I would do just that. "Tiarra, please. You don't have to do this. I'm sorry we—"

POW! POW! POW!

***Flashback ends***

"Tiarra did this?" I asked more so to myself as the dark skinned, dread headed man in front of me just stared back at me in confusion.

"You know the broad?" Snapping out of my trance, I shook my head and dismissed what I had said previously because I honestly didn't feel like answering any questions that he didn't need to know in the first place. He shrugged in response and began to make his way back towards the exit but not before turning back to look at me. "They're holding a service later on today at the church down on Carter boulevard. Just thought you'd want to know..."

He continued his way out until I was left standing alone in the empty unkempt home once again.

***

I had put on my prettiest black dress this evening and my hair was in its usual curls as I stepped into the church my informant had directed me to earlier.

Trying my best to hold in my looks of disgust, I glanced around at all of the decorations and family members surrounding one another and crying on each other's shoulders. But that's not what disgusted me. No, what disgusted me was the million pictures of Tiarra that were set up largely all around the room. And we were just in the common area, I couldn't imagine how the actual chapel looked.

One of the men who assisted with the funeral guided me to the book where I had to sign my name. I wouldn't dare put my real name down on this book knowing Tiarra and I were far from friends or even acquaintances for that matter, so I used a pseudonym.

As soon as I finished signing, I immediately went into the chapel to take a seat in one of the pews. I hadn't met any of her family members except for her mom that one time Simone and I went looking for Tiarra but I'm sure she didn't even remember me. So I had nobody to stand outside and converse with.

The chapel was decorated nicely. Rows of burgundy colored pews took up majority of the space as golden floral decorations hung from the each side of them. There was an even bigger photo of Tiarra sitting directly behind the podium as her large silver casket resided in front of it, closed.

After finding out the news, I searched for any stories on what happened to her and how she died and stumbled upon a ton of news articles covering the story. It had clearly been a whole big thing. And with the way her murder was described in the reports, I completely understood why they were holding a closed casket service instead of the opposite. I wouldn't want to see her mutilated ass either.

Just being here made me feel powerful. She tried to take me out, yet I was still alive and kicking. But here she was, about to be buried six feet under in a few more hours.

I wasn't planning on staying the entire service, I just wanted to come so I could be sure that she was, in fact, gone like I'd hoped. A smirk threatened to form on my face as I watched various people walk up to the casket, crying and praying over it. Prayer wouldn't be of any help to Tiarra now because we all knew exactly where she was going, and it wasn't the golden gates.

Eventually, more people started stepping in to show their respects and take their seats so that the service could start. I drowned out most of what was being said about her because I knew that all of those positive things people were branding on her were complete lies. She was anything but a sweet and caring person as they described her. That's just something people say at every funeral service to make the dead person's life seem less shitty.

But let's face it, Tiarra was a shitty person and obviously had a shitty life.

She was constantly jealous of her younger sister when she was supposed to be the one protecting Simone and guiding her. I feel like that's part of the reason Simone's so naïve now; nobody teaches her anything. I mean, how pathetic does your love life have to be to not only go after one, but two of your little sister's boyfriends? Tiarra was clearly a bitter miserable bitch and I was enjoying every moment of the celebration of her death.

Speaking of, I did a quick sweep of the room in search of a face I hadn't seen since I exploded on her for thinking that she was the one that was trying to murder me. I felt terrible for jumping to assumptions but Tiarra hadn't even popped into my mind when I found out the description of the person who had done it.

Simone was the most plausible choice in my opinion because I played a role in Saint's death after visiting her at his house countless times and having conversations with him as if I wasn't scheming with Dom the entire time on the low. If I were her, I'd definitely want to kill me so that was the first person I suspected. An eye for an eye.

I had no idea that Tiarra would really be that salty that we pulled up and beat her ass all those months ago. You win some and you lose some sis, but to try and kill someone over a fight is something only a psycho would do. And I honestly believed that Tiarra didn't have all of her marbles if you know what I mean.

I left mid-service while someone was speaking and received a few dirty looks from some of her family members for disrespectfully interrupting like that, but I could give two fucks about what they thought. Nobody wanted to stay at a funeral service with only fifteen people there.

Make that fourteen.

Simone

I couldn’t move my hands too much because I didn’t want to risk tearing my stitches while they’re still fresh. I’ve never had stitches before, but tearing them sounded like it probably hurts like hell and I wasn’t going for it.

There was a large white gauze wrapped around my wrist and of course, they had to put me on suicide watch but I assured them that I was fine because I hated hospitals and I couldn't stand to be there any longer than I had to.

There had just been so much going on and then, when I found out that my sister died so brutally, I lost it. We might not have had the best relationship but that was still my family and blood and we had a lot of good memories as well as bad ones. I wasn't even able to attend her funeral service because the doctors were afraid to let me go so early and decided to keep me overnight. I was pissed.

But I called my mom to talk to her for the first time in a while just to check up on her. She had told me that the service was beautiful and everyone had nothing but nice things to say about Tiarra. My mother sounded hurt and heart broken to say the least. Tiarra and I were all she had but now it's just me and she almost lost me too. I decided not to tell her about my attempted suicide though because I just didn't want to break her heart any further.

Since I've gotten back, I'd say Xavier probably checked on me every hour of the day and I kept trying to reassure him that he didn't have to stay at home all day long just to monitor me but he had became too paranoid. I felt terrible for allowing him to see me like that and I felt even worse for doing it at his house.

I know he cares about me and doesn't like to see me hurting so for him to walk in on me at a time like that probably broke his heart. He seemed so scared and frantic when he was taking me to the hospital. He probably thought that I was going to die and in the back of my mind, I was hoping I did.

He stayed at the hospital overnight with me and held me protectively all night while I slept on his chest. And for the first time in a long time, I actually felt safe.

Xae reminded me that I had to stay strong for Junior. He'd be completely heart broken if he found out that I was gone and never coming back. Junior was the definition of a momma's boy. And Xae helped me to realize that everything that happened, happened for a reason. I don't know what that reason was yet, but it still gave me a bit of hope for the future.

It was hell when we had to go back home because I knew that I'd probably never be able to lay in his arms like that again and I wanted to milk it for as long as I could. He had no complaints though because he knew that I needed it. I needed that closeness with someone and to be reminded that suicide wasn't the only option for me. I still had somebody to live for.

A long exaggerated sigh left my lips as my stomach growled and I got up from the bed to head to the kitchen. I had to tiptoe because if Xae heard me, he'd try to get my ass to lay back down so he could get me something to eat but I had been laying down since yesterday and I desperately needed to move.

Once I got to the kitchen, I searched the fridge for some leftovers to warm up. I didn't have the energy to cook something from scratch and I didn't want to move my hands too much so microwaving something was the only option. The night before last, Xae had made spaghetti so I decided to fix myself a plate of that since I had enjoyed it at dinner that night.

Grabbing a plate from the cabinet, I uncovered the pot and began using a spoon to scoop some spaghetti onto it. I had to maneuver the pot in a way that made it easier since the noodles decided to keep falling off the spoon and I was starting to get a bit frustrated. "Bruh, get on the fucking plate." I mumbled as some of the spaghetti slid back into the pot.

"Do you need some help?" I jumped once I heard a voice come from behind me and spun around to see Bree standing at the entrance of the kitchen with a small smile on her face.

I gave her a nervous grin in return and nodded. I was shocked that she even offered to help me considering any other time she had spoken to me, it hadn't been the nicest interactions. She walked further into the kitchen and I stepped aside as she began effortlessly scooping spaghetti onto my plate. "Tell me when you want me to stop."

Allowing her to fill up three-fourths of the plate with food, I let her know that was enough and she placed the cover back on the pot before setting it back into the refrigerator as I went to put my plate in the microwave. As I waited, Bree stood there as if she wanted to say something making things undoubtedly awkward but I continued to stay silent.

"Look Simone, I know I don't always see eye to eye with you but... I'm glad you're okay. You're a close friend of Xae's and I know he'd be hurt if you were to pass away." She spoke as she fidgeted with her fingers and kept eye contact with me as best as possible. "I also wanted to say that I'm really sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to have the hopes of having a child just taken away from you so suddenly and I would never wish that on anyone, even my worst enemy."

My eyes widened in surprise at her words as I stumbled a bit over my own thoughts. "O-Oh, you—thank you." I replied sincerely as I let out a breath of relief. "I'm just a little surprised, I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you, I just... Xae's very fond of you and I'm not gonna lie, it gets me a little jealous sometimes." She sighed as she leaned up against the counter. "He's just so soft and caring with you and I know he cares about me too but it's just not the same when he's with me. Maybe it's because you're going through a lot right now that he's like that, I don't know. I just find myself getting so territorial."

I nodded, understanding where she was coming from as I twirled a strand of hair around my pointer finger. "I get that. But I'm not that kind of person. I already know how it feels to be cheated on and I would never do that to another woman. He loves you Bree, you need to start trusting him." I spoke, feeling my heart sinking with each word. It hurt but it was true, or else he wouldn't be marrying her. "I'm sorry I've stayed longer than I was supposed to stay too. But now that I used the money Saint gave me for that lawyer that did absolutely nothing for me in that case, I really don't know what else to do."

"Simone... girl, you gotta stop acting like the victim all the time and actually do something to change your situation in a more positive way. I mean, you've been here for almost a month and haven't done anything but get our house broken into by some girl and clean up around the place a bit. And while I do appreciate that extra help, you could be using that time to look for jobs."

I had to stop myself from scrunching my face up and getting defensive because I knew that she wasn't telling me this to try and make me feel bad. That didn't stop it from making me feel some type of way though. "I have been looking but there's nothing of interest to me."

She gave me a dry chuckle and shook her head. "Sweetheart, when you're in need of a source of income, you take anything you can get. Beggars can't be choosers. You probably would have won that custody battle if you had a job and a place to stay but you're not even trying because it doesn't 'interest' you? Come on now. You can't just keep depending on everyone else around you to fix your problems for you. You have to depend on yourself."

Although the words kind of stung, I knew that she was right. I've never had a job in my life and don't know the first thing about searching for one and actually getting it, but I had to try if I wanted any chance of getting my son back. He needed an adult, not someone who was dependent on others as he depended on me.

It was hard to get out of that habit of not having to do much but nurture him; that had been my only job in life. But that was something that needed to change if I wanted my life to get any better.

"You're right," I sighed lowly as I shook my head, disappointed in myself for letting things go on this long without doing much to retaliate. "I didn't want to admit it but... I don't always make the best decisions and I think that's what has gotten me into all the shit I'm in now. I've lost everything and instead of fighting back like I should, my first choice was to leave it all behind and take the easy way out." I spoke, disgusted with myself.

Bree flashed me a genuine smile and grabbed my hand, giving it a slight squeeze for reassurance that she was here for me. "It's not too late. You still have time to make things better for yourself."

A grin grew on my face as well as I suddenly pulled her in for an embrace that I'm sure she hadn't been expecting just by how she tensed up at first. As much as I hated to hear it, I needed someone to be real with me for once. "Thank you. I know you didn't have to come speak to me or apologize, but I really appreciate it." She wrapped her arms around me as well once she became more comfortable.

"Uh... what did I miss?" We both jumped and turned to Xae, who was staring at us with wide questioning eyes.

I giggled and pulled out of the hug with Bree as I threw my hand over my chest, feeling the rapid pace of my heartbeat. "I'm gonna need both of y'all to stop popping up on me like that. This is the second time in under an hour, I'm gonna have a heart attack."

Bree went over to wrap her arms around him and plant a kiss on his lips as I turned to take my food out of the microwave. I had forgot about it while talking to her so it was just lukewarm now which caused me to place it back into the microwave for sixty more seconds.

When I turned back around, Xae's eyes shifted from Bree's to mine as he gave me a sympathetic look. "Are you ok?"

I responded with a bright smile. I didn't want him or anyone else's pity anymore. If I wanted things to change then I had to be the one to change them, and that's exactly what I was planning to do. "I'm fine, don't worry about me." I replied as I gave him a look that told him to stop focusing on me and focus on the woman that was wrapped around his body right now.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion but he still averted his attention back over to his girlfriend and asked her about how her nausea has been lately. I didn't want to seem nosy and in their conversation so I tuned them out and turned back around to grab my now steaming hot plate of spaghetti out of the microwave.

As soon as I got back to my room, I opened up and turned on the laptop Xae had allowed me to borrow, immediately searching and applying to any and every nearby job that I could find.

Things were going to change from now on.

#chris brown ff #saweetie #urban ff #chris brown #chrisbrown #saweetie ff #injusticeff #cb

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timeoutforthee · 6 years ago

Text

Like it or Not-Chapter 13

Taglist: @itsausernamenotafobsong, @sea-blue-child, @iaminmultiplefandoms, @princeanxious, @uwillbeefoundtonight, @zaidiashipper, @arandompasserby, @levyredfox3, @falsett0, @error-i-dunno-what-went-wrong, @scrapbookofsketches, @podcastsandcoffee, @helloisthisusernametaken, @amuthefunperson, @michealawithana, @yamihatarou, @heck-im-lost, @unlikelynightmareconnoisseur, @idkaurl

Summary: Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil are all struggling in their recovery. Their doctors, Thomas Sanders and Emile Picani think they can help each other out.

Aka Group Therapy AU

Trigger Warnings: self-deprecating thoughts, denial

Read it on AO3!

“Where were you during lunch?” Roman asks Logan as soon as he’s within ear shot, “Virgil said you didn’t talk to him at all during class and you left before any of us could ask what was up.”

Logan doesn’t say anything, just walks up to the bleacher behind him. Roman sighs.

“Logan, you can’t just decide you don’t have an eating disorder, and even if you didn’t, you can’t just leave us like that,” Roman pauses, “Or, at least, we’d really appreciate it if you didn’t. Patton was worried.”

…

“Virgil was, too.”

…

“And maybe I was a little bit, too. You know. Just like, if you don’t want to eat with us anymore, tell us?”

…

“Wait a second, are you giving me the silent treatment?” Roman asks, “That is...really childish. And I thought you were mature.” Roman’s eyes go wide, “How am I supposed to pass time now? At least look at me! Logan!”

But Logan ignores him, instead he gets out a book to start his homework. Roman leans over and taps on the top of it.

“Logan. Logan. Logan. Logan,” he says, “Pay attention to me. We have to talk.”

Logan slams the book shut, and Roman yanks his fingers back before they’re crushed with a yelp. But once they’re out of the way, Logan just opens his book again.

“Fine. I can do the not talking thing too.”

…

“Really? Nothing? No skeptical look? No glare? No frowning at my bad grammar?” No response. “Dammit.”

Logan slips into his desk next to Virgil the following day.

“You know,” he says, eyes on the board, “You can’t keep this up forever.”

Both of them keep their eyes on the board. Logan isn’t going to crack that easy.

“Eventually, you’ll have to talk to me or Roman.”

Except Virgil isn’t so sure he’s right anymore. His anxiety makes it hard for him to convince himself that Logan has to talk to them, much less convince Logan. It doesn’t sound likely, Logan being able to avoid them all for the next year, but he supposes there are kids he’s never talked to, what if Logan just fades into one of them, wait-was he even going to come into therapy? Had it gotten that serious? How? What if-

“Virgil, are you okay?” Mrs. Spencer is suddenly at his side, “Do you need to be excused?”

Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see Logan look over at him, and he looks worried. Virgil takes a deep breath but shakes his head. He’s not trying to guilt him into talking to them again. Logan keeps his eyes on him for a second longer, then looks to the front of the classroom. Mrs. Spencer’s eyes flick over to him, but the bell rings and she has to get class started.

One thing is clear to Logan: Roman was right. This whole thing is childish. But he doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t have an eating disorder, and it’s wrong for him to use resources others need, like therapy, like Mrs. Spencer’s room, like this support system-

You don’t deserve it.

But if he told any of his friends-not his friends, you don’t deserve them-if he told his peers that, they clearly wouldn’t believe him. Roman had proven that. Or worse. They would see the truth. That he never deserved any of this. He wasn’t sick enough. He wasn’t sick at all.

These are the thoughts that make it hard to focus in English. That, and the fact that he and Virgil are looking at each other while also pretending not to look at each other. They haven’t made eye contact once, thankfully, because Logan doesn’t know what he would say if they did. Well, that’s not completely true. He’d probably start with “I’m sorry.”

The bell rings, and for a second Logan actually considers staying. He could explain himself, right? They would probably understand. But when he sees Roman and Patton in the doorway, he can’t do it. He jumps from his seat and leaves.

Patton drops his bag into a random seat and turns to Roman and Virgil.

“I’ll be back,” he says, and he follows Logan outside. “Did he talk to you at all?” Roman asks Virgil, pulling up a desk to sit across from him.

“Nope,” Virgil says, “I think he was close at one point, but that was just because I was scaring him.”

“Scaring him?”

“I was panicking, a little,” he says, and he doesn’t know what’s worse, focusing on Roman when he says that, or focusing on his food.

“Ah...is that...better now?”

“Well, I’m not going to cry into your food or pass out because I can’t breathe, if that’s what your thinking.”

“...are those actual things that can happen?”

Virgil glares at Roman, but he’s caught off guard, because Roman seems...sincere. He just seems curious, not malicious.

“I mean, I guess they can. Especially the crying thing. But I’ve never actually passed out, even though sometimes it’s hard to breathe.”

“Okay,” Roman says, slowly, “So you have anxiety, too?”

“I mean, I guess? You know Picani’s method-”

“You are not your disorder,” they both quote their therapist.

“So I’ve never actually asked what I have, but it’s pretty obvious from the panic attacks,” Virgil says, and he finally takes a bite of his lunch, “What about you?”

“I don’t think I have any other problems besides the eating disorder.”

Virgil takes a sip from his water so he doesn’t say anything snarky. They already have one issue right now. They eat in silence for a bit before Roman cracks.

“I think I made it worse.”

“Made what worse?”

Roman gestures towards the door, “The Logan situation. The last time I talked to him...he said he doesn’t think he has an eating disorder.”

“Yeah, he mentioned that during lunch. Did he say more during gym?”

“Nothing new. Just that he thought he ate too much-” Roman pauses when he sees Virgil’s face, “Yeah, I know. And I tried to help? But I think I made it worse.”

“What did you do?”

“You know how he’s like, super smart and factual? I tried to show him the facts. So I googled anorexia and showed him that he was having the same complications as other sufferers. To try and prove it to him,” Roman babbles a bit, then pauses. Virgil doesn’t say anything for a second, so he blurts out, “Do you think I made it worse?”

Virgil looks at him and for a second Roman’s afraid of what he’ll say.

“Do I think it’s your fault that someone with an eating disorder is in denial? No. I don’t,”

Roman lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, but something is still bothering him. Virgil can tell.

“Spit it out, Princey.”

“Did I hurt his feelings, though? He was talking to us, and we were fine, and then I talked to him, and now he hates us?” Does he hate me?

“Yep, must be your fault,” And the sarcasm must not even register, because Roman immediately pales, “Wait, wait, wait! I was being an ass, I’m sorry,” Virgil says quickly. Then he sighs, “We were not okay. He could barely eat during lunch, and he wasn’t talking to us at all, remember? And I don’t think it’s because you talked to him, I think it’s because you showed him we wouldn’t believe his lies about being okay. Of course he’s defensive.”

“...so he doesn’t hate me?”

Virgil bites his tongue. That set up was just too good, but he can’t hurt Roman’s feelings twice in one heart-to-heart moment.

“No, I don’t think he hates you.”

Roman takes a deep breath. Good. He doesn’t know if he could handle more people hating him.

Logan is trying to find the most complicated walking pattern he possibly can, to try and lose Patton.

It’s not working. And now people are thinning out, so it’s easier for him to follow.

“I will follow you around this entire school, Logan,” Patton threatens. Well. As much as Patton can threaten.

But it makes Logan sigh and face his fri-peer.

“I don’t need the room anymore, therefore I’m not using it. That’s all.”

“Really? So you can suddenly eat exactly how you want to? Your last session must have been miraculous,” Something almost imperceptible crosses Logan’s face, but Patton catches it and raises an eyebrow.

“I…,” this is only going to make it worse, Logan knows that, but he might as well get everyone off his case, “I had an appointment with Dr. Sanders yesterday, but I didn’t go.”

Patton frowns. “You know, to get the full benefits of recovery, you have to commit to it, one hundred percent.”

Logan groans, “Now you sound like him. But, it’s just,” Logan sighs, “I don’t have an eating disorder. And it’s wrong for me to keep using the resources that are available, so I need to cease immediately.” Logan turns quickly and starts walking down the hallway.

Logan expects footsteps, either to stop him or to leave him. What he doesn’t expect is possibly the world’s quietest voice asking, “You don’t mean that, do you?”

It would be easy to ignore, but something makes him turn around, “Of course I do. I wouldn’t have said it if it was untrue.”

“Logan…,” Patton walks up to him. He searches for something to say, biting his lip. But he can’t find the words. So instead he leans over and wraps his arms around Logan. He holds his breath to see how he reacts, ready to pull back at a second’s notice.

Logan freezes. He can’t remember the last time someone has hugged him. Slowly, he brings his hands up to wrap around Patton.

“You must be hurting so much.”

“I-I’m not,” Logan says, but his voice his failing him and suddenly he feels tears in his eyes. He holds on to Patton a little tighter. Then slowly he says, “I don’t want to.”

“Don’t want to what?”

“Do this. I don’t want to starve myself, but I-I don’t want to eat either. It’s been years, Patton.”

“I know,” Patton says, and suddenly Logan is overwhelmed with guilt, he almost wants to pull away. Patton thinks back, back to last night, and every night before, “Sometimes I don’t either.”

“But if we don’t…”

The second half of the sentence hangs in the air. Neither one of them has to say it. That’s not an option.

Logan leans his head on Patton’s shoulder, hiding for just a second. “I’m not strong enough to do this. I thought if I could convince myself...if I could convince everyone...why can’t it just be over?”

“I don’t know,” Patton says, “I don’t know why it just won’t stop, but...it will, eventually. If we keep trying, dedicating ourselves, just like Dr. Sanders said. Just try, Logan, please?”

Logan finally drops his hands, wiping at his eyes as fast as he can. He takes a deep breath.

“Okay.”

#sanders sides fic #sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #welp #this happened a lot sooner than I thought #like it or not #my writing

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damndescendants · 7 years ago

Text

No One Will Hurt You

Writer - @damndescendants

Requested - @omggoldengarbage

Can you do a one shot of reader figuring out Harry's been abused at the Isle and the reader comforts him after an anxiety attack?

Disclaimer - I do not own any of Descendants’ characters and/or ideas all credit goes to the creator and producers of Disney Descendants • Pairing - Harry Hook x Reader Summary – The sea three have finally been asked to come to Auradon where Harry and the daughter of Rapunzel and Eugene had grown close. He needs her more than ever after an incidence. Warning(s) - panic attack, probably swearing, talk of abuse

A/N - I do not romanticize any mental disorders and I’m always here for any and everyone if you need someone :)

“(Y/N)! There you are!” Evie yelled out at Rapunzel’s daughter as she swung the girl’s door open with a band as it hit the wall, interrupting the silence that developed the room while she worked on homework.

“What’s wrong?” (Y/N)’s heart was pounding at the sight of the panic in her newfound best friend’s eyes.

“It’s Harry. C’mon!” Evie grabbed (Y/N)’s arm and yanked her towards the entrance without any further explanation.

“What’s going on, Evie?” (Y/N) was worried as the girls quickly made their way through the hallways of the dormitory. Harry Hook had come to Auradon only a few months ago along with Gil and Uma. Harry and (Y/N) nearly instantly hit it off and they quickly became a couple so the fact that something was wrong with Harry scared (Y/N) more than anyone could understand.

“Harry got hurt at practice and now he won’t calm down.” Evie’s explanation didn’t do much to give (Y/N) insight into what was going on.

“Good you found her!” Mal said as she saw the blue haired girl and the (H/C) come down the stairs and into the main lounge of the dormitory.

“Where is he? And can someone explain what ‘won’t calm down’ means?” (Y/N) was talking fast.

“He’s by the river bank. Just go to him and remember that the Isle isn’t the nicest of places.” Mal said quietly. (Y/N) was more confused than before but nodded her head and began to run towards the river just off the campus.

<<>>

“Harry!” (Y/N) had finally made it to the river and found the pirate who sat on one of the chairs spread around for students to lounge in, the closer (Y/N) got she could his body shaking and his chest rising and falling quickly as his breathes were shallow and quick paced.

Harry didn’t respond but he raised his head to reveal his bloodshot, puffy eyes, tears slowly streaming down his face. When he leaned back in the chair, she saw the cut on his chest that what she assumed was the injury he got at fencing practice that Mal and Evie were talking about.

“Harry what’s going on?” (Y/N) questioned the pirate as she sat down in a chair next to him, Harry fell to his knees in front of the girl. He wrapped his arms around her lower back and gripped onto her like a child does a teddy bear, he buried his face into her lap, his breathing still labored and shaky.

“He’s going to hurt me.” Harry rasped out. (Y/N) was confused but didn’t want to push anything while he was in this state. She laced her fingers thorugh his hair while her other hand rubbed in his back in a comforting manner.

“No one will hurt you. I promise you, Harry.” (Y/N) whispered not knowing what to do or say. A cross between a broken sob and a scream racked itself through the pirate as he held (Y/N) even tighter. It broke the girl’s heart to see the one person she cared the most for so broken and vulnerable and there was nothing she could do in that moment that she knew of. After moments that felt like days to the couple, Harry’s breathing had finally slowed back to normal and he stopped shaking.

“Are you okay?” (Y/N) questioned after more moments of silence, the pirate below her only nodded, not raising his head from her lap. He was almost ashamed for the way he let this get to him.

“Can we go home?” Harry questioned, his voice was horse and quiet.

“Of course.” (Y/N) stood then helped Harry stand, wrapped his arm around her shoulder, as they slowly made their journey back to the dormitories.

<<>>

“I’ll be right back.” (Y/N) said as Harry only nodded, his exhaustion getting the best of him as he was already nearly asleep. (Y/N) had patched up the large cut he received just under his collarbone. (Y/N) quickly walked through the dormitory and to her dorm the she shared with Uma only to open it and see all the Villain Kids but Harry in her room.

“How is he?” Gil asked upon seeing the beautiful descendant enter the room.

“He’s tired but okay. I’m gonna go back and keep an eye on him.” (Y/N) responded as she grabbed a small bag and a couple of little things she would be needing like a change of clothes, toothbrush, hairbrush, and a book to read since she knew she wouldn’t be sleeping much.

“You can stay in our room, Gil.” Carlos said and Gil answered with a smile and a “Thanks.”

“Uma, can you walk with me?” (Y/N) asked as the Sea-witch nodded her head and followed her out the door after (Y/N) told everyone goodnight.

“I think Harry had a panic attack.” (Y/N) started she didn’t know how to bring this up.

“I thought so. He used to have them all the time on the Isle they stopped after he met you.” Uma instantly responded.

“What?”

“Harry had attacks and nightmares all the time because of his dad.” Uma said as she looked straight ahead, (Y/N) stared right at her as they walked, “His sisters were the ones who helped him through them the most but when they both left to live on the other side of Isle they got worse then we came here and he met you and they got better.”

“What do you mean they were because of his dad?” (Y/N) was scared of the answer.

“His dad used him as a punch bag for years while he was drunk. Harry would come to the ship full of bruises and cuts at least once a week. Broken a little more every time. He always thought he was a mistake and was constantly full of anger. Took it out on everybody.” Uma said and both the girls felt tears pricking at their eyes at the thought. There was a long moment of silence, they were in the hallway where Harry and Gil’s room was now.

“You changed him for the better though.” Uma broke the silence.

“What?” (Y/N) didn’t expect that. The girls stood in front of the room that Harry slept in.

“His whole demeanor change the moment he saw you. It nearly made me believe in soulmates. He doesn’t shut up about you. He loves you, he really does. I’m glad he found you.” Uma admitted how she felt about the princess she now called her best friend.

“Thank you, Uma.” (Y/N) smiled before the two girls hugged.

“Of course.” Uma responded as they broke apart, she began to walk down the hallway they once came from to go back to the room they shared. (Y/N) was opening the door when she heard Uma call her name, causing her to focus her attention back to the light blue-haired girl.

“Take care of Harry.” She smiled.

“I always will.” (Y/N) returned the smile before walking into the room. She immediately walked over Harry and saw him breathing deeply as he slept. (Y/N) took in the features of his face and how soft, innocent, and young he looked while he slept. She smiled gently before pressing a tender kiss to his temple before changing out of her light blue jeans and light purple top to put on athletic shorts and a black and white tie-dyed hoodie. She then pulled her (H/C) hair in a messy ponytail not wanting to really do anything with it before crawling into bed next to Harry, her back was against the headboard.

“Finally.” He mumbled, startling the girl who thought she was careful with her movements to avoid waking him up. Harry pulled (Y/N) into his arms, his head resting on her stomach she put a hand in his hair.

“Go back to sleep, I’m right here.” (Y/N) whispered before pulling out her book and began reading. She didn't want to fall asleep in case he needed her.

<<>>

Sunlight peaked through the curtains to wake up (Y/N), she didn’t even realize she had fallen asleep.

“I was wonder when you would wake up.” Harry startled (Y/N) as he spoke from beside her.

“How are you doing?” (Y/N) rolled over to look Harry in the eyes as he looked down at her. He moved her to lay fully down on the bed during the night when he woke up and saw her sleeping sitting up.

“I’m better. Thank you.” Harry said kissing his lover’s forehead. there were moments of silence between them before Harry broke it.

“You know what Uma said was true.”

“What?” (Y/N) was confused.

“You two aren’t the quietest talkers.” Harry smugly replied with a smile tugging at his lips. “Everything Uma told you was true. From what my dad has done to me to how I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” The girl said quietly, not knowing how to go about talking about the touchy subject.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, love. I’ve got you and that’s all that matters now.” Harry said.

“Still. You didn't deserve that, you’re too good of a person for this world and I’m always going to be here for you. No one will hurt you, I promise. I love you, I always have and I always will.” (Y/N) rambled on, she was going to keep going on before Harry leaned down and took her lips in a deep kiss.

“I know you do, love.” His accent was deep as he pulled away from the kiss, “and I love you more than anyone will ever know. No one will ever hurt you either, I’ll hook them.” Harry said, his infamous smirk appearing on his face at the last of his statement. They soaked up each other’s company and love for a few more minutes, foreheads pressed together before the door swung open to reveal Gil, smiling ear to ear.

“Guys! C’mon! There’s pancakes being served in the cafeteria!” Gil was always such a breath of relief.

“Get out!” Harry yelled before throwing a pillow at his fellow pirate. They were all laughing as Gil closed the door his quick, heavy footsteps were heard running down the hall.

“Let’s go get some food, princess.” Harry said getting out of bed, (Y/N) follow suit and soon enough they were on their way down to the cafeteria, hand-in-hand, smiling knowing nothing in this world could ever tear them down.

<<>>

A/N Another one done! I hope you enjoy and it's not proofread like normal and probably makes no sense lol

Edit: Proofread, finally!

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