#emails make me feel so cool
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I absolutely LOVE writing emails. I feel so professional and cool and and eofkafkkakfkaa. Makes me feel productive ykyk? I get to THINK before I speak ykyk (something vv rare when it comes to me)
But phone calls are..... giskfjakkfka (derogatory)
Even if its with friends I get so stressed. Bc like I dont understand what you're saying in person most of the time, what makes you think a phone call will help that??? And its so awkward bc im all about gestures and stuff but then I cant do it and im just waving my hands in the air all alone????? And omg I hate Profesional calls the most bc I need to write stuff down while listening and I need understand what they're saying and if I gotta pull stuff up to answer to their stuff im 💀💀💀💀
But ig i survive all of those phone calls so its bearable 😭😭😭
If you vote please reblog.
#tldr; i hate phone calls#emails make me feel so cool#like its almost theraputic#and the day i can write fancy HAND WRITTEN LETTERS TO FRIENDS????#im about to use so much over the top language theyre gonna need to contact their favorite highschool english teacher to understand the#inner meanings#just to find out i wanted to check of they had any food allergies or if they wanna hang out 💀💀
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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ARGHHHHH i made this account to be annoying about all my opinions and thoughts somewhere that wasn't instagram so I don't annoy the normal people who follow me for art with my ramblings but then I got SHY about it! That's so dumb there are 13 year olds on here braver than I OK I'M BEING ANNOYING STARTING NOW!!! for real this time!!!!!
#I'm also angry because i can't make my blog look nice I"M SORRY I AM STUPID#Last time I had a tumblr (when i was 13) I never HAD to make by blog look nice because a GIRL I KNEW offered to do it FOR ME#and she was REALLY COOL and i had COMPLICATED FEELINGS FOR HER so i GAVE HER MY EMAIL PASSWORD so that she could access my tumblr#i think she actually made the whole thing for me like i vividly remember being at the store and her texting me about setting it up for me#ANYWAY BASICALLY I've never had to do this before and I don't have a cool girl to do it for me and graphic design is NOT my passion#also don't give your email password out to people that was really really silly goofy of me#erm but yeah.......... anyways
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"You could go, we'll talk later."
"I'm not going anywhere."
#cbs matlock#matlock reboot#olympia lawrence#julian markston#skye p. marshall#jason ritter#matlock 01x01#i think he said he doesn't think she's working in the firm's best interest because that's what his dad told him? but he doesn't believe it?#olympia x julian#julympia?#skye has said that daddy dearest is trying to pit them against each other... so i feel that that's why there's some mistrust going on#the way he's been teasing her and having fun with her a bit since the pilot is kinda cute to me#not her shy little smile in the second gif#matlock spoilers#olympian?#i love that in both episodes it sort of ends with him being there for her so i'm scared of when that won't happen#i think it would be so cool to have exes co-parent while being best friends and have nothing romantic happen but... i love their chemistry#this kinda makes me believe julian avoided her and didn't talked to her maybe prioritized other things after the big bad thing he did#and then olympia got used to him walking out on her in the middle of conversations... because she seemed pleasantly surprised that he staye#and she also seemed hurt when he came after her in public instead of emailing her or just talking to her
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This isnt a crazy statement but i still think that there should be better diversity on the life series. I mean specifically there should be more woman creators and creators who are poc.
Like 3rd life had ONE woman!!! WHAT THE FUCK?
Theres only ever been TWO non-white members of the life series! What????
Only 4/17 of the secret life members are women! Thats like 4 and a bit men for every woman! THIS IS THE SEASON WITH THE MOST WOMEN????
Like i know the gaming space is a bit messed up on this front but like cmon....
I dont think that the life series is like. Intrinsically bad or anything, but it would be cool if Grian/the team and such could take notice of these facts and help to change the server just a bit more.
#trafficblr#traffic smp#okay originally this post was only going to be about women and then i realised also how messed up it is that theres only two black#people on the server#fuck i dont even make posts like this like. ever.#but i feel like it would be really you know. COOL to get some more diversity in this particular minecraft gaming sphere especially#idk im trying to increase the diversity in the last couple of months in what i watch and listen to since i realise that its not good enough#and i realised these facts and im like. shit this isnt just like a me thing this is deep in our fandom#same goes with most minecraft series#heck i watched a random up-and-coming minecraft youtubers video today on a competition server.#not a single woman???? really???#hey maybe if theres enough backing it would be worth like. sending an email or something idk#so long as people are polite about it ig#idk ive never really talked about this stuff before but its been bothering me#grian#grian critical#also sorry if my maths is just totally wrong idkim bad at it
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The worst feeling in the world is 'I reached out for an interview, oh, you left me on read. Oh I see you've just posted that you're curating and hour of music for the BBC tomorrow. Oh I see, the US tour has sold out in 3 hours. You knew that. I'm embarrassed I ever asked. Sorry for bothering you. I can imagine your smirk right now. I can see your mouth forming the words now, 'poor sod'. Sorry for embarrassing all parties, sorry for wasting your time. I'll go kill myself now to make up for it.'
#This has happened with Sports Team (left on read; curating and hour for 6 tonight)#TLDP (make a fucking guess)#Fontaines (3x).... I hate being in this position; it is the most grovelling and uncool thing#I hate emailing initiating reaching out following up it seems so pathetic to want and to be ambitious in ways that look#foolish in hindsight#Like don't get me wrong I don't expect to get every interview I email out about#And I love every guest I have had on my show#But I do wish I could be aloof and cool esp. when the people I'm repeatedly following up with are literal cool rockstars.#I want to just lose my email address go into the woods start my own cool band and wear shades#I literally could not hate the embarrassment that comes with cold-emailing/messaging bands.#I hate it so much it makes me want to die in the moment#Radio stuff#Music#But you've gotta do it; you've gotta keep hoping; you've gotta stop feeling sorry for yourself and imagining everyone hates you#Because they don't. They're so busy. They haven't the time for that kind of spite.#Most are also just nice people but also they don't owe you. This is a sort of business transaction to them#(we're community radio so that's not really true but they don't know that and that shouldn't really change their decisions#They'd be burnt out if not)#It's nothing personal. But when it works out it can be so so good! So you've got to keep trying#Just brush aside the disappointments and embarrassments. Luckily nobody knows about it except you#The bands don't; I promise#We go again
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The eternal tension between genuinely wanting to watch/read good horror media and wanting to sleep for the next week.
#I was trying to watch through HBomberGuy’s pathologic video again#because I do really genuinely like Pathologic and I think he does a good job of explaining why it’s cool#but I had to stop about 15 minutes in bc the anxiety thoughts started and I clicked ‘it is late at night’#‘if I keep watching I will not sleep’#I wish I had thicker skin when it comes to horror#even little things get to me p bad even when they’re not related to any trauma or anything#like there was this one game that the sleepover society played through#it was rly cool and I loved it bc it has that old Win95 aesthetic#complete w/ DOS startup interface showing up each in game day#old outlook style email#it’s so fun#but it is a horror game. even though the horror is 1) clearly implausible to real life and 2) not Smth that’s related to anything religious#it’s abt a pest company that fields calls and at first it starts normal#you get calls and you have tabs to click on abt different pests like raccoons and ants and stuff#and some stuff for like. black mold. house problems you might mistake for pests.#and then it nosedives into ‘tiny creatures that live and your walls and if you don’t give them offerings they turn into boggarts and eat you#or fae which claim your house and swallow you alive’#and that’s genuinely cool worldbuilding and I liked it and I loved the ending of it#but I did struggle to sleep for days afterwards bc I got irrational thoughts like ‘what if the pretend glowy fungus is real’#bc a lot of the horror creatures were stuff that you explicitly wouldn’t notice or would write off as being poor memory or regular pests#like plucking your dreams out of your head or a mirror making you forget who you are#spookie. to me. and I know that’s the point I just feel like it’s the equivalent of calling paprika spicy.
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yea
#txt#i gotta bitch rq cos im pissed sorry guys#i hate tht u dont remember none of the shit u did. i hate tht u make jokes about it even. i hate tht it feels like im always the one#to wear the burden of iron wrought weights so tht u can learn how to mellow out and not do the same to my sister#‘you opened up a lot of doors for your sister’#yea cool im glad u chilled out and didnt also kick my sister out of the house while she was 1200 miles away with nothing but the clothes on#her back. yea cool im glad u didnt threaten disowning when she got a piercing. yea im glad she didnt have to sit thru the ordeal of u when#i first came out to u. im glad she didnt have to have our dead dad used as a damn weapon against her when she told you shes a lesbian#im glad you never sat her down and berated her for being queer for three hours and then sent her to her hole only to send her a long winded#email about how awful she is to you for being queer and how no one will be able to recognize or love her#i still have that email btw#im glad you came to me to ask for help when she was suicidal depressive instead of blaming her and insulting her and making awful#assumptions and insinuations about her#im glad you asked for help for her#but why couldnt you have been a mom to me too#why did i have to teach you all the wrong ways to handle situations so that you could handle them rigjt with her#why did i have to be the one to lockpick all of the doors in order to open them for her#whyd you have to put the locks on there in the first place#why werent you ever a mom to me#why wasnt i allowed to have parents growing up#whyd you have to hurt me since the time before i could make cohesive thought#why werent you a mom for either of us until you realized how heavily you screwed up with me#why did it take you losing me completely for you to start being a mom to my sister?#why did it take you losing me completely for you to finally listen to me instead of talk about why im wrong#im glad to have a mom now#but i couldve used a mom when i was a kid#why do you have to turn it into jokes#and why am i not allowed to be upset
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Yeah unfortunately I don’t think I’m gonna pick Hundred Line up. I highly dislike the monster designs, I’m not a fan of the combat/gameplay and in my humble opinion this is Kodaka’s least creative work. It really does just feel like DR AGAIN….I’m a huge fan of Kodaka’s games and Raincode is actually soso good. Was a huge fan of Akudama Drive and World’s End Club as well so I’m not trying to be a hater. lol
The whole game just seems to. uninteresting to me. Like all the other Kodaka media (that I know of), even if not my favourite or something I'll actually buy have that Something that makes me excited about it. And THL just kinda has nothing aside from 490825603 danganronpa references and Forge of Empire mobile ad ass gameplay. It really does feel like it's the least creative work of Kodaka as of yet lmao
#at least 2 designs in the whole trailer are actually pretty to me (main boy and his dead gf) so i shall steal them & pretend they're my ocs#this is everything good i have to say about it..... im so sorry all thl fans in the chat...........#well i GUESS its kinda cool that takumi has to stab himself in the chest in order to use the sword?#pretty similiar to what rain code had with the yuma labirynth torment but i feel like its at least different enough that#takumi has to make the conscious choice to deliberately fucking *stab himself* where yuma just kinda got surprise attacked by his god besti#holy fuck tumblr user growling just said TWO positive things about thl email the presses immediately#mine#ask#thl tag
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some thoughts i’ve had that don’t get to be individual posts
- i’m like ice king if he didn’t want to kidnap princesses and didn’t have ice powers and was still tired and silly
- you ever think about how crazy breathing is. like we (i don’t know what i was thinking) we breathe in and out we’re all just little creatures
- chutney
#i’m so clever when i’m sleep deprived i have all my best ideas#ok i gotta sleep proper tonight i have to actually make an effort#latest i go to bed is hm maybe half 12 midnight#assuming i loose about half an hour to restlessness as seems to be usual#that would put me at 6 hours if i wake up at 7 which isn’t bad#there’s no way i’ll go to bed before 11 that will not happen#anyway i sat with the dog and h feel rejuvenated she is small and fluffy#ok i think take dogs out then coastal defences. then email then tomodachi life then poetry then lunch#awesome sauceS PLURAL#many sauce s. at least 12#i’m cool i’m a cool guy i’m a cool normal guy and i’m not weird or off putting or incomprehensible#ezra’s real life rambles
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Did people actually get their newsletters? Because the test one I sent to myself went to spam but then the different test email I sent from that email address did not go to spam.
#i was already feeling like garbage so this is a nice bonus stressor#sending it out again feels extremely cringefail#also it makes me wonder if somehow the emails to the cover artist also went to spam and i'm not being ghosted yet again#though probably i am being ghosted yet again#it's fine it's fine it's cool it's cool i hate everything#dumpster fire that is me
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.
#so i talked about how i feel uncomfortable with my psychiatrist to my therapist#and she was like very cool and nice about it#and was like you never have to see him again@#but now she just sent me an email being like#yeah you should just keep seeing him#call the front desk to make an appointment#and im just sort of like#very confused#and it feels like i did something wrong#and to be honest i probably did#but it just sort of makes me want to receit into myself#and also stop going to therapy#which makes me really sad
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5 Happy Things
May 13, 2024
Been drinking this expensy chocolate milk that this family from my church makes and it's so insanely good and doesn't trigger my lactose intolerance we're winning
Had manga class todayyyyy
Finished last week's overspilling projects for my Shakespeare course!!!
Texted my mom after waking up quite late and she was like "yay I'm glad you slept well <3" hi that's love
Made pasta with spinach and a new pasta sauce! The new sauce is not good but I had it!
#5 happy things#the new sauce is this vodka thing so it was like. spicy in that alcohol way that i Did Not Appreciate#i should've gone with the rose sauce instead but my brain was like 'let's try new things maybe we'll like this one'#GIRL YOU DON'T LIKE PASTA SAUCE THAT'S NOT ROSE. YOU KNOW THIS. YOU GREW UP EATING PASTA.#silly silly but i still liked the pasta it was still good. i think i would've eaten more if it was rose though#in manga glass today we were talking about how lwac was inspired by student protests in part#and my prof was like 'y'all know we have student protests on campus right?'#like yeah man i walked to class. we saw 'em. hbgiwojdslk#also the faculty sent out an email about them#'twas a cool discussion but the prof sometimes asks questions that make it hard to think#like sometimes he asks a question like it's an 'either or' and it makes me feel like a toddler bc it's usually neither actually#like sir I KNOW it's a secret third thing and YOU KNOW it's a secret third thing so why are we pretending otherwise!!!#it is hard to be smart when i am trying to fit into the world your words are making!!!
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taking my heart out and stomping into the ground dont you dare get another friend crush. dont fucking do it.
#ITS SO FRUSTRATING !!!!!#i think someone is cool and then they pay an attention to me and i am lost#i am drawing them pics and making them little gifts and thinking about all the fun things we can do together#i spend my free time thinking of reasons to talk to them#u might be like hmm this sounds like a romantic crush#but i can assure it is not#it CAN turn into one over many years#i kno bc one did and i suffer even more for it#its Very Obvious bc when its a non-platonic crush i will get suuuuuper possesive and jealous#but UGH friend crushes suck especially bc i dont have the bandwidth to rly pursue them AND#i always feel like i come at it too intensely so in order to escape rejection i run#its fine i am fine i can be Normal about things#its okay i will hide from this one like ive done all the others#its this person named Toad and they are so cool they do like climate activisim and they support local punk bands#its also reminding me of Dev. i am so sorry dev.#he was this super cool ass dude that i worked with for 4 years and he was So Neat and interesting to talk to#he knew soooooo much about cooking and he was really well read#and his humor was great. super dry and sarcastic i was always laughing lol#i wanted to be friends with him SO BAADDD#and he has no social media or even like. texting#so before i left i demanded his email address#and I emailed him One time and he replied and i ghosted him#bc here is another issue: i cant fucking communicate#how keep friends if u dont talk to them????#anyways the brain worms are eating good tonight
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~~~
#i am close to tears - beware there is a rant about my life in the tags ahead so watch out - it's nothing VERY serious but it's... well#also this is literally about supernatural convention so it's not like a serious problem but it is a problem for me personally#so anyway last year when they announced misha for purgatory con 8 in dusseldorf i was like yes yes yes and i bought the tickets because:#1. i had a whole year to plan a trip 2. going to spn con was this little dream of mine because i've been in this fandom for years so#so i thought hey i deserve a little treat. i want to and deserve to go to a con and they just announced misha and i'd love to go#(and then they also announced jensen. and then jared too so like all 3 main guys will be there so !! a Treat !! yay!) and also Why Not#because it's in germany so it's the closest i would ever get a convention because i am from poland [*] no conventions here sorry#so i was like yeah the stars seem to have alligned yeah AND I BOUGHT THE TICKET. and the thing is SOLD OUT. and 3 main actor men are there#and a lot of mutuals that i'd finally love to meet maybe if they feel like it or whatever but i'd love to meet tumblr people so there's tha#and now. i just spent 3 hours after work looking for flights and everything. and. the conclusion. after 3 hours of looking at every possibl#way for me to get to Dusseldorf at the days of the con. well. the conclusion is i have no way to get there. and i am stuck.#and there are flights and they are not even that expensive. but the HOURS are horrible. i checked different airports and even looked at#flights to dortmund and i literally have no way to get there in a way that makes any sense... because arriving at 4pm on saturday is#too late. and the other option is being there at 8 am - cool - but i have no way of getting to the airport at 4 am. i'd have to take#additional day off from work (not an option). and i literally don't know what to do. it's almost 1 am and i should be happily asleep and i#am trying to solve this problem lmao because on one hand i really want to go and i want to figure out a way to get there 1. on time 2. in a#way that won't cost me 1/3 of my paycheck ; and on the other hand i just want to email the organizer to return the ticket or resell it to#someone because i know there will be someone who wants to go because the event is sold out#WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS HARD......#AS I WRITE THIS I AM FULLY AWARE THIS IS SUCH A FIRST WORLD PROBLEM i know!!!!!! fully aware!!!!#but i just :(( really wanted to go :((( but i am slowly leaning towards the option of not going :((( because money and time :((#and the kilometers between me and the con place :(((((#personal
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...
#listen. sometimes. when i get emails pertaining to a specific project i worked on that nearly broke my brain. i just stop what im doing#and start playing Losing My Religion by REM. and i wish the person emailing me could see me face down at a table listening to thay song#mostly its fine. its just when someones trying to manage the data files so i kno im gonna have to go back thru and update my code#for a bunch of tiny stuff and its like: does this sound ok? and i just dont care so much that i want to start screaming#and then at the end of the day i hike up a fucking mountain going over what im gonna tell a therapist when my insurance switches#and im gonna say it in a way thats v calm and agreeable but i want to scream and tear my hair out. or maybe i wont b agreeable. i wasnt#last time i was in a therapist office but that guy deserved it and i wasn't being that bad#ugh. im just mad bc working on my stuff makes me so miserable that when i stop its like wow im no longer in agony. cool#coool. fun times. becoming increasingly apprehensive abt how im gonna try to b more healthy abt working while taking on triple#the responsibility with a phd project and being a student and being a TA. i mean. ill try but its gonna b fucking interesting#ugh. had to bust out the burnout playlist. which like. when u try to look at other ppls burnout playlists they all suck#theyre all like former gifted kid burnout Playlists and im like fuckkk offfff. why do u not have the incredibly specific vibes that im#looking for? i just demand the perfect burnout playlist and somehow nobody puts No Surprises on there#like what??? y not? its a song abt being so totally saturated that youve had enough. a heart thats full up like a landfill. a job that#slowly kills u. bruises that wont heal. how is it not THE burnout song? but whatever. i listen to too much radi0head.#ugh. but now my burnout playlist is becoming too much like my My Brain Doesnt Feel Too Good playlist#listen. i just need to curate playlist so that they can express the feelings for me#unrelated
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