#either way they are both very angry and upset and they do not cope with things in a healthy way at all

[clockwork-carstairs]

“You made yourself a different person than the one I loved” – on Kit’s letter, his projections & idea of Ty

aka where i try to make sense of kit’s letter in the context of who ty was to him. basically i think that understanding that kit may not have had an accurate image of ty in his head helps to contextualise why kit believes the things he does, regardless of whether they’re fair to ty or not. it makes more sense reading lines like:

“in all the world, kit had never met anyone he believed to be so incapable of evil”

“all his energy had gone into ty, all his devotion and hopes for the future”

because you can see so clearly how much kit was projecting onto ty. ty, more than a friend—or whatever you might call it—was also the personification of this new world and all it meant for kit. kit saw him as this overwhelming force of good, beautiful as an angel, someone who not only wouldn’t do evil but was “incapable” of it.

so you can kind of see why everything was lost for kit once ty went through with the necromancy: because by doing so he was breaking the image kit had of him. of ty as a saviour of sorts from kit’s previous life, the person who convinced him to stay, who made kit feel like he was really a part of something, something magical and exclusive that not everyone got to be.

further evidenced by other lines:

“he had been too fixated on losing ty to tell him what he needed to hear” -> kit knows he should have told ty much sooner how he really felt about the situation. kit knows he deflected and in various ways lied to ty about trying to bring livvy back. but kit had wanted to stay by ty’s side, stay included in ty’s plans, more than his desire to tell ty the truth that he hated the idea.

“you made yourself a different person than the one i loved” -> ty as a person being shaped by kit’s projections of all his hopes and dreams, the face of this new world kit was drawn into, the first person he really got close to after he was pulled from one world to another, the person who convinced him to stay.

was the “person [kit] loved” an accurate reflection of who ty really was, flaws and all? unlikely. and the image of ty in kit’s head didn’t allow room for the real ty’s complicated, overwhelming grief, either, and the ways he would try to cope with it: and i believe this is part of why kit was so shocked by what happened and why he’s still so angry at ty. because ty proved to him that he wasn’t what kit believed him to be, and so all of kit’s hopes for his new life came crumbling down.

do i think it’s fair to ty? no, i don’t. but i think both can be true: that kit is upset and had gone through a traumatic situation, and has valid feelings about it while also understanding that he had a very skewed perception of ty that wasn’t fair to him.

mostly i think we need more room for understanding ty’s feelings*. how it must have felt to lose his twin sister in a horrifying way, devised a plan that (to him) seemed completely reasonable** only to have his best friend switch up on him last minute, tell ty he loved him mid-ritual, later say he wished he’d never met ty and basically tell ty that he was selfish and then on top of that leave without saying goodbye.

i also stand by my belief that “how long do you think it will take you to forgive me” is something both ty and kit could/should be asking each other, not just one way around. i honestly don’t understand why both kit and ty would think only kit needs to forgive ty and not both ways. mostly i just don’t think the narrative that ty’s the only one who needs forgiving is very fair, or makes much sense with their characterisation + the context + what actually happened.

in sum, when kit says “you made yourself a different person than the one i loved”, the person he’s referring to is an idealised version of ty whom he had projected all his hopes and dreams for the future onto, and by going through with the necromancy ty completely shattered kit’s understanding of him. this is consistent with other lines in his letter: “you wanted that more than you wanted me”, “when you brought livvy back, you changed yourself” (did ty really change? or did he just prove to be different from kit’s idea of him? genuine question), and perhaps most strongly evidenced by this line: “i don’t know the person you are now. you took yourself away from me. i can’t forgive that.” i don’t understand why he can’t forgive ty for not being the person kit thought he was, nor how on earth ty was supposed to know this, but i digress.

* i hope this is addressed in TWP because between TDA and now, we’ve had FAR more insight into kit’s thought processes than ty’s and as such we’re only really seeing one side of the situation.

** i also think part of the glaring misunderstanding between kit and ty can be understood from their respective backgrounds. obviously for kit, growing up away from the shadowhunter world, something like necromancy is completely out of the question. the way it would be for you or me. but ty grew up in a world where bringing people back to life was something that could and had actually happened. so it’s a far crazier, more impossible idea to kit than it would’ve been to ty.

[stayevildarling]

Wilhemina Venable x Cordelia Goode x Reader- Unspoken Wars

A/N: I‘m still working on the Agatha fic so I whipped up a quick one while I was at work earlier. Read with care pls🤍

tw/tags: established relationship, poly relationship, female reader, mental health, mention of working out, mild mention of depression/anxiety, mild mention of self harm (mild), mention of bruises, mild mention of politics

word count: 3.5k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahelvar , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay , @blu3dimples, @stepintomyworld

It started slowly but suddenly at the same time, a raging storm igniting within you and dragging you down. The world made you angry, not being able to see it‘s beauty as everything annoyed you, everything exhausted you in a way it hadn‘t before. Living at the academy with your two girlfriends, constantly surrounded by safety and witchcraft, you never really questioned the outside world too much, living in your own little bubble but lately it had upset you.

It was election night when everything changed, the three of you sitting on the sofa while anxiously glancing at the TV and when red overshadowed the screen, something within you burst. You stayed beside Cordelia who‘s anxiety grew ahead of her as you soothed her gently, calming Wilhemina as all sorts of words that she didn‘t usually use leave her mouth. All the hatred and annoyance steaming off like that. And while they coped in their own way, their healthy ways of finding comfort in each other, you chose a different way. Your entire life had been overshadowed by this, the news, your phone and social media constantly reminding you what they had taken from you, your girlfriends and ultimately most women in the place you had called home forever.

You couldn‘t help yourself, finding sudden comfort in the thought of letting your anger out in a healthy way or so you thought. You had taken up running again, something you had been far to busy and lazy for in the past few years, your stamina questionable. And so you decided to take up swimming too, using the gym closeby to do some weights and boxing. And it all came so suddenly that you never really realized how much you are overdoing it. But of course your girlfriends noticed. How usually you would spend your days at the academy, despite not having any witch powers, helping out all the time. You would make their lunches, do some paperwork with the supreme and help her prepare for classes. Doing the housework and making sure your girlfriends have a warm cooked meal once they are home.

And Cordelia was the first to notice, her eyebrows furrowing when the spot beside them was empty early in the mornings, finding you in the kitchen in some workout clothes, while chugging a smoothie. She didn‘t think much of it at first, having seen you go on the occasional run over the years. But then came the couple of evenings when you would be gone, quickly mumbling something about the gym and then you‘d be gone for hours, returning with wet hair from swimming, returning with the occasional bruises on your knuckles. Wilhemina didn‘t take very long to notice either, her often the one holding your hands and noticing the blue and purple lingering reminders of your pain as well as the occasional shaking when holding you in her arms, a result of overdoing it and also not fueling your body enough.

Both of them had tried a couple of times, feeling your absence both physically and emotionally, never really truly there or engaged in a conversation, your mind always seemingly miles away. And they noticed the anger in your eyes, a mix of sadness and the desire to burn down the entire world around you, something they had never seen before. As if that one night had completely taken your sunshine away, the depths and beauty in your eyes, the love for them. They both knew your love never faded, two packed lunches always prepared in the mornings, Mina‘s evening baths always drawn by you and a home cooked meal always waiting for them, just the absence of their sunshine there at times. And they missed you, miss holding you close to their chests and heart, whispered love confessions and a hand softly lingering on you somewhere.

They had tried for a while but you never opened up, always mumbling some excuse about wanting to get fitter, not having done enough lately but they could feel the lie, Delia not needing any magic to know as much. And then it all started crashing down, skipping meals, only joining them in bed late at night when they are already asleep, not wanting the questions and to explain yourself. Everything became too much, the anger from the outside world, the state of the chaos inside you. But you couldn‘t help yourself, an old friend having greeted you again recently and you should have known that was the sign to get help, that this wasn‘t normal or healthy. But you couldn‘t help yourself when returning home one evening, feeling drained and exhausted as ever, seeing the blade on the sink and taking it into your hands. And you had experience enough to know where to hide them, gracing your skin just near the top of your stomach, underneath your bra, knowing your girlfriends may not notice them this way.

And they almost didn‘t until one day when Mina was making some tea in the kitchen, working from home that day and taking a break. She found you in between a run and going to the gym, her features lighting up as she sees you and the way you hastily brushed a kiss on her cheek. For a moment you remained as she offered you some tea but you politely declined, but you saw the way she struggled to reach the cup on the top shelf, assuming one of the girls had placed it there as you and Cordelia always considered Mina‘s condition when it came to the little things. „Let me“ you offered, going on your tip toes and reaching for the purple mug. She saw them then, angry perfect lines, red. And she didn‘t say anything, thanking you before watching you go, noticing this was much worse than she and Cordelia had initially believed, quickly taking the tea and what she had seen to the supreme‘s office.

„She‘s hurting“ Wilhemina admitted in the quiet safety of her office and Cordelia didn‘t understand at first, assuming it was what they had already discussed countless times. But the redheads face said it all and the supreme sighed then, not an annoyed one, never an annoyed one but a sad one. They decided then and there that they couldn‘t wait any longer, wanting and needing to support you through this, like the countless times you had saved them, been there for them in the bravest and loyal way possible. They opted for the same night, preparing some dinner, opting for a healthy choice, knowing you are working on yourself at the moment. The table is neaty set, it being Friday the Academy silent, the dining table coated in white lit candles, casting a soft glow and the smell of vanilla and Cordelia‘s cooking making for a comfortable atmosphere.

„Darling, we made dinner for you“ Wilhemina explained gently, finding you in the library where you had hidden away for most of the day. „Coming“ you announced with a smile, knowing they had been slowly catching on, knowing you needed to keep your guard up and be careful and at the same time longing for their warmth as you had undeniably missed them so much. Your heart ached for their presences, their quiet comfort and love but you didn‘t know how to ask for, almost feeling awkward and shy in your own home, the walls you had built putting a distance between you that stretched for miles, more miles than you had been running for weeks now.

„Thank you both“ you smile as you step into the kitchen and find the neatly set table in front of you. Cordelia smiles warmly as her hand travels to your shoulder and your heart aches then, the feeling almost unfamiliar now. She serves you up a small portion and your eyes find hers thankfully, knowing why she had chosen what she chose to make tonight. The two of them begin gentle conversation about their days, letting you ease into it as Wilhemina talks about some projects at work, some office gossip and Cordelia fills you both in on the students and what they had been up to. You don‘t really have much to share and so you just sit and listen, occasionally engaging with them, suddenly wanting to know how they had been feeling, realizing you had been selfish with your actions.

After dinner, the three of you ease into more quiet conversation over tea and as Cordelia wraps her hands around the warm mug, the steam drawing patterns into the air, they silently communicate, knowing it‘s now or never. „Little one?“ Mina asks as you blow against the warm tea, meeting her eyes. „We have been meaning to talk to you“ she begins and Cordelia instantly notices your stiffening, how you seem guarded within an instant. „How‘s the working out been going?“ the supreme asks gently and you simply shrug your shoulders before mumbling a quiet „Good“. You didn‘t want to be the center of the conversation, the cause for their furrowed brows and concerned faces. „Do you think it may be a bit much? we rarely see you these days“ she tries, tilting her head a little as if her eyes could get through to you.

But you tense further, remaining silent as you don‘t know what to say, knowing they are right of course but your walls too high to let them in. „Little one, I know you don‘t wanna talk about this but we are worried“ Wilhemina tries, usually never the one to push but unable to keep her concern at bay any longer“. You tense, looking between their brown eyes before you sigh. „I‘m fine Mina“ you try but they aren‘t convinced. There is silence as Wilhemina accepts defeat, realizing when it comes to this you are just as closed off as she is at times but Cordelia can‘t back down, not just yet. „Darling, we‘ve seen the scars, we know you are struggling and we just want to help you“. And while Wilhemina‘s eyes widen, knowing this would drive you further away, you struggle to keep your emotions at bay.

For a split second, you almost faltered, almost accepted their help as you almost fell apart but instead you got up from your chair „Thank you for dinner, I have a class at gym“ you lie, leaving them be as you grab your gym bag by the front door and leave. Wilhemina sighs as the door shuts, not blaming Cordelia but hating the fact that you wouldn‘t let them in. And while they struggled with their concern and how to help you, you ran to the nearby gym, not bothering to put your stuff away as you repeatedly hit the punching bag, over and over again, not bothering with the usual bandages or gloves, completely losing yourself in your emotions as both anger and sadness wash over you, tears streaming down your cheeks as the loud music blasts through your headphones.

„It‘s since the election“ Wilhemina remembers as she stays in the same spot with her girlfriend, their teas having gone cold by now. „I know“ the blonde sighs, the subject having crossed her mind and came up in conversation with her girls for weeks now. „I mean I understand, she‘s young, she‘s a girl and I can‘t begin to understand how much she must struggle with it“ the supreme sighs, knowing her and Wilhemina could deal with these things differently, having went through similar things in their lifetime before. „I don‘t know what to do“ Wilhemina admits with a sigh and the supreme meets her eyes then, raw and vulnerable, knowing those words never usually left the redheads mouth, always the calm and composed one, always a solution at hand. The supreme sighs in defeat, just as lost and helpless as the redhead as they sit in the silence of the dining room, usually filled with yours and their laughter on quiet evenings like these.

Meanwhile you break down completely, all the pain, anger and sadness hitting you all at once as you lose yourself in the workout, punching the bag for hours. By the time you get home you are drenched from rain, mixing with your sweat and tears, not noticing the blurriness of your vision, the blood and bruises forming on your wrists. Cordelia and Wilhemina have withdrawn to the comfort of the sofa by now, the fireplace soothing the coldness they are feeling in their hearts and bones. When they hear the door, their eyes travel towards the hallway, listening to the thump from your bag and shoes. They expect you to head in the kitchen and get a smoothie like you usually do, brush past them with a quick hello before heading in the shower. But you remain in the hallway for a while, trying to catch your breath.

And when you finally step further, you stand there for a moment, watching them together on the sofa, neither of them having seen you as you had arrived so silently. „Mina? Delia?“ you whisper with the last bits of your strength and when they see you standing there, bruised and bloody, tears in your eyes and a guilty expression on your face, it breaks their hearts. „Oh god“ Cordelia whispers as she is instantly by your side, taking your hands into her own as she inspects the state of your injuries. Wilhemina watches in pain as the supreme takes you into the kitchen, hovering nearby as some hope flickers across her features, hoping this may finally be where you let them in.

The supreme takes care of your knuckles with gentle hands as she cleans them, wrapping them in some bandages before kissing them better. She leads you upstairs, soothing you into a warm bath after getting some water into your body and encouraging you to drink up. She washes you gently, ridding your body of the exhaustion and lingering marks, dressing you in some comfortable clothes before sitting you on the bed to get you some tea. Your heart swells at every touch, every encouraging statement and the way she cared for you, a way you hadn‘t let them care for you in a long time. Wilhemina sits on the bed, leaning against the headframe as she watches you, shivering a little. She wants to reach out, hold you but she fears your reaction. But before she can overthink it further, your eyes meet hers, pleading.

And she doesn‘t understand straight away, watching as you crawl to her, slowly and vulnerable, guilty. But before she can encourage you, you move into her arms, letting them wrap around you as she holds you close to her chest. Her eyes close, both in relief and pain, seeing you so broken and sad in a way she never had before. „I‘m sorry“ you whisper against her as she holds you impossiblly closer, scared you would slip her grasp again. „Shh little one, it‘s okay“ she whispers, her lips moving to your temple and pressing a gentle kiss against it. „It‘s all okay now“ she reassures, letting you cry it out, letting the tears flow and the sobs wreck your body as you had let out all the anger beforehand, only feeling the sadness and loneliness taking over you now.

When Cordelia returns with some tea, her features crumble, finally seeing you in the arms of her lover again, shaking and crying. „Oh darling“ she coos, setting the tea down before she sits beside you both, gently running her hands soothingly up and down your back. „I‘m.. so.. sorry“ you sniffle against the redheads chest, the smell of lavendar and vanilla making you feel right at home. „Don‘t be sorry darling“ Cordelia coos as she gently wipes your tears. „I don‘t know what happened“ you admit and they both know you are referring to the last few weeks. „The whole thing just made me so angry.. why do they decide to take our rights? everything we have fought so hard for“ you sigh and they nod, understanding the feeling and how much that must be for you, considering the circumstances.

„I know sweetie“ Cordelia whispers as Wilhemina instinctively holds you closer to her chest. „And I know I can‘t make this go away but we‘re here okay? always“ she reassures and you nod as you lock eyes with the blonde. Wilhemina tilts her head a little in order to look at you „Listen little one, I think this is good, working on yourself and not letting the anger and feelings win but you need to be gentle with yourself, take this slow and take care of yourself“ she speaks, her voice soft despite the urgency behind her statement. You glance at them both, seeing their love and concern, knowing they are right and feeling much more calm with having them know, the walls between the three of you broken, the initial trust back and causing your anxiety to finally ease.

You realize then that you are safe with them and despite neither of them able to fix the world, right there by your side to take care of you and to guide you through the world despite what it may be filled with. And the realisation mixed with your evening before, suddenly makes you incredibly tired. A kind of sleepy that you hadn‘t felt in a while, feeling fully relaxed in Wilhemina‘s arm and holding Cordelia‘s hand. And they don‘t notice at first, continuing to soothe and give you advice to guide you through this until Wilhemina softly nudges Cordelia who had been rambling with ideas and suggestions. And when the supreme notices you sleeping in the redheads arms, so safe and comfortable, even a content smile on your face, she can‘t help but smile proudly, knowing this was far from over, knowing there needed to be conversations held but knowing for now, nothing and no one, not even yourself can hurt you any longer, not as long as you are safe and comfortable in their arms, surrounded by their love and unconditional support, always.

[soulprompts]

"FANCY A CUPPA'?" PROMPTS.

hi hello holy moly i've been gone a while but look!!! i bring you prompts! and these are MONTHS old according to my notes app! but basically i'm two weeks and four days away from returning to my home country, and my mother sent me some tea from home, and i just got thinking about the sheer power of a cup of tea, yk? anyway! here it is! and here are my conditions! DO NOT ADD OR CHANGE THIS LIST! and also feel free to add "REVERSE" if you want to switch the rolls, i suppose!

[ COLD ]: With a notable drop in temperatures, the sender makes some tea for themself and the receiver, if not for drinking then for the warmth and comfort of holding the mugs in their chilled hands.

[ SHOCK ]: Having found a most-definitely-in-shock receiver, the sender makes a big, strong, and immensely sweet cup of tea for them in order to restore them a little bit.

[ ANOTHER ]: While preparing a cup for themself, the sender makes a second cup for the receiver in a polite and low-effort gesture towards them.

[ FIX ]: The sender, realizing the receiver is genuinely upset about something, comforts them and makes some tea in the hopes of lifting their spirits some bit.

[ WEARY ]: After a mutually extensive day, the sender and receiver return home, and the sender prepares some tea as a soothing introduction to their bedtime routine.

[ BETTER? ]: The sender, at a loss for how to approach the receiver who has clearly endured a very difficult time, decides to make some tea in an effort to console them and possibly encourage them to talk about it.

[ GUEST ]: The sender welcomes the receiver into their home with open arms and two strong mugs of tea. (There may also be food of some kind, that's for you to decide!)

[ WHY NOT? ]: The sender prepares some tea for both themself and the receiver, not out of any great need or want, but because their default setting is making tea and frankly they can't see any harm in it either way.

[ DECAF ]: The sender subtly intervenes in the receiver's sleep schedule by bringing them a cup of tea rather than a cup of coffee in the hopes that they might get some sleep that night.

[ TRY ]: The sender just received a new kind of tea, and prepares some for themself and the receiver because who better to share the experience with than the receiver?

[ COPING ]: In the aftermath of some terrible and life-changing news, the sender busies their self with preparing some tea to give themselves something to do other than think about what's just happened.

[ INSTINCT ]: Something isn't quite right with the receiver, and the sender knows it. In order to get them to open up, the sender prepares some tea.

[ REFRESHMENT ]: Someone made cookies, and what is a cookie without a cup of tea? The receiver won't need to find out; the sender is already making a cup as we speak.

[ TEA ]: The receiver has just arrived with some particularly excellent and scandalous gossip; the sender, unwilling to let the receiver's voice dry out during the revelation, prepares some tea to go with it.

[ RELAX ]: After a particularly stressful day, the sender prepares some tea so that they can finally begin to relax and unwind in the evening.

[ OLIVE BRANCH ]: The receiver is angry with the sender; the cup of tea is just the sender's cautious attempts to heal the relationship.

[demon-country]

"Stolas shouldn't have portalled out Blitz during Full Moon" this and "Stolas should have stuck around and listened to Blitz in the garden during Apology Tour" that. Do y'all not realize how it sounds to demand that a domestic abuse victim stick around when someone is yelling at and insulting them? And on the flip side of that, do the other half of y'all not realize how it sounds to demand that someone, particularly someone from an oppressed group, never get loud or demonstrably angry just because it might scare someone?

Like Blitz had every right to air his grievances in Full Moon, and being angry when you're treated poorly is a perfectly normal, reasonable response. It's not inherently abusive to yell and stomp when you get mad, and it's completely unreasonable to say that Blitz is just because he did. But at the same time, Stolas does not have to sit there and take being yelled at when he's already had to suffer though someone doing it to him maliciously for at least 17 years. He does not have to take being grabbed, being screamed at, or having his clearly stated boundaries ignored either, like at the beginning of Apology Tour. Him getting upset when someone does that to him, when he's only just gotten away from his abuser and was almost murdered for it, is not some failing on his part or him playing the victim.

Blitz's trauma doesn't care that Stolas wasn't actually going to abandon Blitz, and it doesn't care that that the hurtful things Stolas has said and done have come largely from a place of ignorance rather than a lack of care. He's protecting himself the only way he knows how and is blinded by the sheer intensity and longevity of his self-loathing, but frankly it was a good thing for him to finally speak up about how some of the things Stolas does makes him feel, and it's a very good thing that he's actually trying to fight to keep Stolas rather than just booking it and throwing a grenade behind him on the way out.

Just like Stolas' trauma doesn't care if he knows Blitz is different than Stella and wouldn't actually hurt him, and it doesn't care that Blitz's anger comes from a hurt, scared, and traumatized place as opposed to the pleasure Stella took in hurting and scaring him. Stolas hasn't had any time to even begin to heal from the damage she did to him, and frankly if he's scared and breaking down like in Full Moon it's actually a step up if he's removing himself from whoever is triggering him, even if it wasn't fair to Blitz who was, in his own way, attempting to work things out.

Neither of them is the bad guy here, they're just very reasonably upset and having clashing trauma responses. You can be compassionate and understanding of both sides without saying that either of them should have to just sit there and take it when someone is greatly upsetting them. It's normal to get angry when you're scared and upset, and it's normal to cry and run away when you're scared and upset, and neither are wrong or bad just because in the moment when emotions were running high they each did several things that accidently set the other off, especially when they had no way of knowing it was a trigger beforehand.

None of this is say that the way things shook out was great or productive, and they definitely need to work on healing so that they're not letting their fear and trauma control them. If they're going to get to place of real understanding, then at some point these two need to sit down with the intent to talk things out and have an honest and open conversation with each other, without Blitz yelling or Stolas running or either of them letting their preconceived assumptions and biases get in the way of actually listening. Blitz needs to not self-sabotage and Stolas needs to not shut down, and that's going to be really fucking hard for both of them, because that's how they've been coping with their trauma for literal decades.

And to his major credit, Blitz got it right at the end of Apology Tour, the only thing he got wrong was the timing because Stolas was so drunk that I'll be honestly surprised if he remembers most of it in the morning. He wasn't in any state of mind to listen or pay attention, but at the same time, to his credit he's already been reflecting on what Blitz has been saying to him and trying to figure out where and how he fucked up and hurt Blitz. And also, he kept saying things like "right now", which means he will be ready to talk things out eventually if he's just given a little bit of space to put himself back together and think about things.

And guys, please. Just because some people will start crying to try to manipulate and guilt trip those around them whenever someone gets upset at something they did, doesn't make that what Stolas did. He was trying to get away so Blitz wouldn't see him cry. And just because some people like to fly off the handle and rage at every perceived infraction, doesn't make that what Blitz did. He had justifiable cause to be angry and in Full Moon he didn't think Stolas was listening, so he tried to make himself louder and bigger in an attempt to make himself be heard and his hurt be acknowledged. If one of their reactions made you uncomfortable, that's fine, there's nothing wrong with that. But the story isn't about those kinds of people, it's about two fictional demons who aren't trying to hurt or manipulate each other, they're just struggling to juggle trauma, ignorance, and the desire to be together. They're not able to yet, but that's what character arcs are for.

And just to head off any comments on it: no, the narrative is not villifying Blitz and it's not babying Stolas or trying to sweep any of the shit he's done under the rug. Blitz being angry and self-destructive doesn't make him a villain, and Stolas crying a few times and still being pretty ignorant of how he's come across doesn't mean they're trying to say he's done nothing wrong.

[howlett-n-morgan]

Take Me Home

5. Blood Stains

Arthur Morgan x Texas Red!Reader

A/n: HEY GUYS I AM BACK WITH A DOOSIE. okay so my fashion show was fantastic, let me know if y'all wanna see a video of my collection i think it turned out pretty damn good. anyways, wrote this while crocked off my ass on Benadryl bc allergy season is hitting very very hard right now so if it's not perfect we are all going to collectively blame the Benadryl, okay? okay.

Summary: An accident in the laundry causes chaos in the camp, and secrets are revealed sooner than expected. With everyone else acting like the world is caving in, Arthur steps up as usual.

Warnings: misogyny, major gender role tropes, a little bit of personal violation, but very minor. Susan is a bitch in this chapter (we love Susan). Blood plays a lot into this chapter, and so do menstrual cycles, so if you're uncomfortable with those mentions, this may be a skippable chapter for you. There's also like some sexual implications but nothing inherently sexual happens. I think that's it, let me know if I missed anything.

WC: 7.8k

“Climb up, let’s go to town before closing time,” he walked around to the other side where his horse was hitched from earlier today, still saddled since Bill hadn’t made his rounds yet.  You complied, but were unsure of the motives for such a trip.  “Is Dutch paying you to take me somewhere? He want you to kill me quietly?” 

In the weeks since John’s disappearance, you’ve noticed three things:

One, Dutch hasn’t barely been seen in the camp, and when he makes his presence known, it’s either angry or forlorn. Two, the entire gang has been very quiet, not wanting to set off Dutch, or make anyone else upset with the matter. Three, Arthur has done as he said he would, becoming closer with Abigail, and helping nightly with Jack. 

It shouldn’t break your heart, because you had no right for it to. You shouldn’t be distancing yourself from the both of them, they didn’t do anything to deserve it, but the way your chest tightened by watching them, watching Arthur gently place a hand on her shoulder as he watched Jack squirm in her arms was far too miserable. Abigail won’t speak of it, knowing that everyone has been on edge since her former lover left, but she missed the talks and conversations you held. You understood her, and though she didn’t exactly know the truth as to why, she was still partially in grief over that bond, too. 

Arthur takes immediate notice, but doesn’t say anything. Hosea had mentioned your run in with John the evening he took off. He figured you needed time to cope with the situation, even if you didn’t know John all that well, or even like him for that matter. Everyone in camp was dealing with it differently, so why should he judge the way you handled yourself?

It was only when you stopped talking to him altogether that he became slightly concerned, and he wasn’t the only one. 

When Dutch first brought you into the gang, he knew there was some subtle competition with you and Arthur. The two fastest guns in the west, hell, maybe even the world… but you butted heads often. He didn’t know why it had suddenly stopped, but his concern grew from being in both your presences at the same time, and the icy feeling he got just from standing between you, running over job details in a tent. 

It was like Arthur didn’t exist to you anymore. Everything you said and did was conveyed to the people around him, but never to him. You would even give news to a big group of people to avoid telling Arthur directly. 

Dutch knew there was something wrong, because he could have sworn you both were inches away from getting along, but now it was worse than square one. It was after a successful job that he said something about it. After you had deliberately handed Arthur’s cut to Javier and told him to give it to the next man over. 

You’d ridden back, safe and sound, but Dutch held you back, nodding the others away from the horse troughs.  

“Talk with me for a bit, will ya son?” He tried to approach the situation gently. This couldn’t have been a gradual thing. 

“F’course,” you muttered, hands resting on your gun belt as you followed him into the center of camp. 

“I’ve been noticing some… strange behavior from you towards Arthur. Only lately…” he scratched his head, looking at you expectantly. “You can tell me if he did somethin’ to piss you off, I’ll speak with him about it.”

You furrowed your brow and shook your head. “He didn’t do nothin’ to piss me off… I’ve just always been better off on my own, don’t wanna rely on anyone.”

“I can understand that sentiment, but it doesn’t make any damn sense as to why you’re givin’ him the cold shoulder,” he furthered his point, and you didn’t have any choice but to make something else up. Something that could actually be worth what you were doing to Arthur. Your head told you that the truth of ‘I’m actually a young woman and I’m catching feelings for your gang enforcer’ wouldn’t help you. 

“He’s been tryna hold me back,” you sighed out, as if revealing some huge secret. It was partially true, but you’d grown more relaxed about the protection Arthur had been trying to provide. Still, you kept on the charade, knowing it would get you out of this situation free and clear. “M’tired of him thinkin’ I can’t keep up, tired of feelin’ like a helpless kid next to ‘im.”

Dutch let out a breath and narrowed his eyes. “I see… and so you figured it best to keep him out of arm’s reach, is that it?”

“Guess so,” you shrugged, leaning against the pole of his big tent. 

And then it seemed that Dutch saw this as a teaching moment, because he nodded for you to sit down on one of the cross latch boxes, across from where he stood. He had a whole spiel oncoming, and you were almost sure you knew what it would contain. Something about the camp being a family, everyone sticking together and more nonsense of the like.

“You don’t understand this now, because you’ve never had a time of need in this gang… but that day will come,” he paused, and you perhaps had it all wrong, listening intently now. He pointed in the direction of Arthur’s camp set up, and you glanced over, not for the first time that day. He was tired, hunched over his cot and leaning in exhaustion, running his hand over his face. “And when you are in that time of need, there is no better man to have in your corner than Arthur Morgan.”

You nodded in understanding, a small frown on your face. You wanted to protect yourself, but if what Dutch says is true, you’re only setting yourself up for failure. 

“He’s been here a long time, and no matter your opinion of him, no matter the things you do or the things you say, he’s loyal. It ain’t up to me what you decide to do, but you should know, he’s the best ally you’re ever gonna have.”

And just like that, you regretted the past weeks. Everything you did to avoid him, getting up early to grab some of the coffee before he came by. Going out and hunting without letting anyone know, just so that he didn’t have a chance to come with you. Even going as far as to mend your own clothing and do your own laundry, knowing he might catch you at one of the girl’s stations while picking up your weekly wears. You felt awful. You remembered at least four times he tried to approach you before he just gave up. At the time you were grateful, because you thought it was making things easier for you, but in actuality, the things Dutch said were true. You needed him in your corner. There would be a time of need, and Arthur was the best ally to have when that time would come, whatever it may be. 

“I think I oughta go set things right, then,” you let out, your ego deflating slightly when your eyes met Dutch again. 

“If you think it’s best,” he nodded, switching places with you and watching you walk over to his favored outlaw, the man he called his son. He called you son, too. You wondered if that would hold up if he ever found out about you. 

Arthur was on the verge of sleep, but you were doing this now. You could apologize later. 

“You look like shit,” you tried to be nonchalant, and not bring any emotion into this. 

When he looked up, he was slightly annoyed, but his face softened once he looked at you for a moment. 

“Feel like shit,” he grumbled, trying to understand what you were doing here. You didn’t exactly give him reason to believe he was important to you anymore. “Did you need something?” 

You kicked the dirt beneath your boot, trying to keep yourself composed, but you weren’t too good at these things, and the amount of shear stiffness in your body wasn’t helping you to relax about it. 

“I think I owe you an apology,” you started, and he tilted his head in slight confusion. Sure, he knew what you were apologizing for, but he didn’t know why. “I’ve been avoidin’ you, n’ I shouldn’t have.”

He nodded in thanks, accepting your words. You stood awkwardly, unsure if you should say more or just leave, but when you turned your boot to walk, he stopped you. 

“Did I piss you off or somethin’?”

Why was everyone asking that? 

“No, ain’t nothing you did. Just my own stupid ass and things that don’t matter,” you told him. You felt even worse now, because you’d made both him and Dutch think that it was something he did wrong. He could rarely do any wrong in your eyes, which made this whole ordeal that much worse. 

“Matters enough, you stopped talking to me. Couldn’t even get you to look my way.”

You didn’t want him to know anything else. With him and Abigail rapidly forming a blossoming relationship, it wasn’t for you to stand in their way. Jack needed a father figure, and Arthur was the perfect candidate. 

“I’m sorry about it. I swear it won’t happen again,” you really wanted to leave this time, unsure of how far it may go in the event of a deep conversation… but he caught your wrist and gently tugged it back towards where he sat as soon as you started turning away again. 

“You gotta give me somethin’, Red. I’ve waited weeks just to ask you,” he pleaded, his tired eyes looking through you and trying to enter your mind. You caved just as soon as you saw how badly this affected him. You hurt him. He might be big, burly, and dangerous… but he bleeds, and his heart can be wounded as easily as anyone else’s. 

“I’ve been going through some things, and you’ve had a lot on your plate with Jack and Abigail. It’s not fair of me to make my burdens your burdens… I was tryna keep you out of it,” you admitted, which was only half true. The partial truths of the night were stacking up, but fortunately he couldn’t tell the difference right now, too tired and unfocused to really study your features and what you were hiding. 

“Red,” he sighed, not yet prying for more information, but giving you one last glance. “You can tell me things. Remember that.”

You nodded, smiling at him for the first time since John left. “Alright.” 

-

You stopped avoiding and ignoring Arthur, but things were still distant. You’d been getting close right after Jack was born, but going into his third month in the world, you two were miles apart. Still, it was better than the stone cold facade you’d been turning to him before. 

“Got any laundry?” Susan asked, breaking you out of your trance as you watched the sun setting. You weren’t really paying much attention, but nodded, reaching behind you into your tent for a sheet full of worn out and dirty clothing. You should have looked it over, but you didn’t, too caught up in your own mind. “You can ask the girls about getting it back tomorrow, they’ve been going stir crazy for things to do.”

“Yes ma’am,” you nodded, tipping your hat and leaning back against your small tent’s middle pole. You had half a mind to slide your hat over your eyes for a nap, but that didn’t seem like it would fly, especially if one of the others needed you for something. 

You could definitely use a nap, you were cramping like crazy. You swore if Bill came up to you and asked for any more favors with the damn horses this week you’d kill him, but only because you were feeling grumpy. 

You wanted so badly to confide in Arthur about these things, the troubles of womanhood that you couldn’t share with anyone else but him. You wondered if he would ever tell anyone, since it’s been almost five months of your residence and you have yet to reveal your secrets to everyone else. Maybe you were being paranoid, but the closer he got to Abigail and the further you pushed him away, you thought he might care less about the agreement you both made. After all, spilling your secret to Dutch would gain him loyalty points, and Dutch seemed all too happy to be giving them out since John left. 

It was about an hour later when there was a shriek at the other side of camp, and many ran over to see what the trouble was. 

Tilly had been sitting by her wash bin, but had pulled her hands out on account of one thing. 

“What’s the matter, Tilly?” you heard Sean over your shoulder, and when you finally saw the trouble your eyes widened and you muttered a single word under your breath. 

“Shit.” 

“What’s shit?” Arthur’s voice was also heard beside you now, and you turned to him ever so slightly with a whisper.

“Me, I’m in deep shit.”

Tilly showed everyone the water, with some clothing swirling around, but it was all tinted red. 

“I think someone’s been hurt,” she said, waving over Mrs. Grimshaw to show her the problem. “There’s blood in the water.”

You tried to casually back up slowly, hoping that it wouldn’t get traced back to you, after all, the clothing in the bin was yours, and Mrs. Grimshaw had just picked up the pile from you. You were just stupid enough to leave your monthly attire in with it, and during your monthly time, too. You were only two days into the cycle, meaning there had been a lot of blood.

Grimshaw, being the stern and impatient woman she was, rolled her sleeves up and dug around in the water, looking for clothing with holes to indicate a stab or bullet wound… but she only found:

“A sanitary apron?” She furrowed her brows. She was pretty in tune with the women of the camp, and hadn’t been aware that someone was menstruating right now. 

“You better run, kid,” Arthur caught on, nudging your shoulder. You’d already started getting further away from the scene, but it seemed Grimshaw already came to a conclusion before you could make a break for it. 

“I picked these up from…” she trailed, her brow now seemingly angry and strewn together in a stressful manner. She marched over to you, grabbing your lanky wrist harshly and tugging you away from the scene. “You better not be hidin’ what I think you’re hidin’!”

You held onto your hat as she practically ran you into the nearest tent. It wasn’t hers or yours but that didn’t matter, her urgency was all too apparent. 

“Miss Grimshaw, what’s this all about?” 

“I have had my suspicions about you since you arrived here,” she spoke intensely, pulling you forward by your belt buckle and doing her best to undo it. 

“Hey, hey! What’re ya doin’?!” You tried to protest, but her nimble hands were too persistent, and she finally got your pants loose enough to take a brief peek at what she needed to see. “What the hell, would you stop?!” 

“I knew it!” she yelled, a finger pointed in the air. 

And just like that, you knew you were screwed. 

She quickly ran out of the tent, and you tried to follow her, making a quick attempt at putting your belt back together on the way out. 

Arthur ran a hand over his face when first he saw you, and the state you were in. He knew the jig was up, too. 

“Where is that man when you need him?” Susan was turning every which way, a mess of herself just trying to frantically look for the camp leader. 

“Dutch? He’s in town with Hosea, what’s the problem?” Bill sauntered up, dusting his hands from the work he’d paused. 

Pearson and Javier all of a sudden made an appearance, and when you thought nothing could make this worse, the rest of the camp zoned in on the chaos, having had nothing better to do this whole day. It was slow, and there were no jobs to be done, so the boredom consumed minds jumped on the first sign of entertainment they could find, and boy was it something.

“We have an imposter in our midst!” She yelled, her arms waving around wildly. 

“Hold on, now…” You tried to interject, but Arthur shot you a look, shaking his head. Don’t do it, kid. Just shut up.

“What do you mean an imposter?” Pearson crossed his arms. He was never one to give bad news of any kind to, because he had a tendency to blow it out of proportion. “Who?” 

“That,” she pointed at you, her voice raised to the highest decibel count you knew was humanly possible. “Is not an eighteen year old boy! She has been fooling us all. Who even knows where she comes from, what her real name is!”

“What the hell are you even talking about?” 

“The kid?” 

“Ain’t no way…”

The rapid responses coming forward almost eased your mind, except for the fact that Susan did in fact have up close and personal proof from what she saw. 

Arthur stepped forward, and as the murmurs grew louder, and Miss Grimshaw was prepared to go on another rant, he did all he could to calm the situation. 

“Let’s not make any rash judgements right now,” he gave you a look, trying to let you see he was attempting to help, but that you needed to leave. “We’ll just wait until Dutch and Hosea get back.”

You took that as a cue to leave, awkwardly making way for your tent. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Susan tried to chase after you, but Arthur held her back. 

“Wait for Dutch,” he said, his arm blocking her path. Who knows what she’d do in this state? She’d been known to whip some of the boys into compliance before, who knows what she’d do to someone she viewed as an imposter. 

Sitting with the flaps closed, you could still hear everything that was occurring outside, and it nerved you far more than being in the middle of it all. 

“It doesn’t make any sense…” and “Do you think it’s true?” could be heard from separate conversations, and you wished more than anything that you’d just done your own damn laundry. 

Your face fell in your hands, and you started going over all the things that could happen. Dutch could hate you for lying to him, and kick you out, banishing you as far as you could go. Or, since you were a newbie, and didn’t have the trust factor built yet, maybe they would just shoot you dead. That may have been an extreme idea, but with your rapidly beating heart and increasing worry, things like that were bound to spill in. Not like you’d been in a gang before, you didn’t exactly get an etiquette and rule book when you arrived. Who knew what would happen to you. Nothing good, that you knew.

When Arthur finally opened the flap and leaned down inside the small dwelling, you knew it was time to face the music. 

“Dutch is back, Susan’s tellin’ him everything,” he sighed, looking over your face and feeling a sense of guilt that he didn’t do anything to stop all of this. When you first arrived he thought maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal, but having experienced this much drama in just the past hour has most definitely led him to believe he was wrong. 

When you stayed silent, and didn’t really give him a reaction of any kind, he could tell you were hit hard with the anxiety and shock of it all. He couldn’t ever get you to shut up, and he often didn’t want to, most of all now when you looked like a scared animal. 

“I ain’t gonna let ‘em hurt ya, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

You shook your head, and against your hardest efforts, tears were backing your eyes, looking for ways to escape. He hadn’t ever seen you like this, and it wasn’t pleasant. 

“I don’t wanna leave,” you admitted. You liked it here. You weren’t lonely here, and you had a family… or at least you did an hour ago. You didn’t know where you stood with half of these people. 

He couldn’t speak for Dutch or Hosea, or anyone else really, but he could speak for himself. 

“I don’t want you to, either…”

When Arthur heard his name called, he leaned back, looking in the direction of his father figure, looking angrier than a pack of hungry wolves. 

“Yeah?” 

“Tell Brooks to see me, now.”

You didn’t even need the message relayed. You stood up, and followed Arthur out of the tent, your head down as you made the distance to the center tent, the big one you’d been at only a bit ago with council from your leader. You only hoped he’d be so forgiving when he found out you lied to him. 

Arthur got into the tent first, mumbling a few things you were a little distracted to hear. You did catch the small ‘don’t be too hard on her’ fall from his mouth, though. 

You sat down on the box chest, close to the exit of the tent, just in case things went south and you had to run. Not that you were thinking about running, but again, a million scenarios crossed your mind. 

“Arthur, wait outside.”

You grew more tense as soon as those words were uttered, and so did Arthur it would seem. 

“Dutch, I think I should-”

“Wait. Outside.” 

He reluctantly did as he was told, walking far enough away that he wouldn’t be reprimanded, but still in your eye-line so he could keep an eye on you. He trusted Dutch with the gang members, but if he was considering kicking you out, that made you fair game. 

“I’m gonna cut to the chase,” he took a long drag of the cigar he held between his fingers, blowing the smoke out when he turned his head to the side. “You know why you’re here.”

“I reckon I do,” you answered quietly, trying to keep an ounce of confidence though your entire body felt like it would start shaking in fear. 

“I could have you stripped for the whole camp to see, but for propriety’s sake I’m only going to ask you this once… is it true?” He asked, his tone less stern but still eager. 

“Yes.”

He sighed, having heard the softness in your voice since you came in, he already knew. You’d never shown this side of yourself to the camp before. You were always confident, sure of yourself, cocky even. To think it was an act boiled his skin… but he wanted to take his time with this. You still had capabilities the likes he’s never seen, and if he wasn’t careful they could one day be used against him. You didn’t know about the O’Driscolls yet, and he sure as hell wouldn’t have you running off and joining them. It would be the death of the Van Der Linde gang, of that he was certain. 

“I’m gonna decide what to do with you, but until then, you stay out of my sight.”

He pointed outside of the tent, and you were honestly surprised that this was the extent of his questioning. Nothing about the lies? About the history? About anything at all?

You gave him a double glance, but scurried away in fears he might change his mind and tear you to shreds on the spot. You walked hastily towards Arthur, your face gaining more color to it once you were out of the line of danger. 

“You alright?” He asked, his furrowed brows reflecting his concern. 

“No,” you let out with a dramatic scoff. Your flare for over exaggeration was sometimes quite amusing to him. He just dropped his head and chuckled. 

“You’re fine,” he patted your shoulder before stepping past you and going to talk to Dutch. What he knows is that Susan Grimshaw spilled every nasty detail of this afternoon to the camp leader, but he also knows that he hasn’t had his say yet, and when it comes down to it, Dutch will side with his loyal enforcer over a disgruntled Miss Grimshaw. 

Dutch was stretching out his arms, sore from the ride in and out of town. It was a scouting trip, really, but it was enough to make him ache when all the stress was added. 

“First John leaving, now this. I can’t seem to catch a break, can I?” Dutch sighed out after his words, the toll they took on his mind caused him to shake his head of so many thoughts. 

“This ain’t so bad,” Arthur began, tilting his head from side to side. 

“How could you possibly think that?”

Arthur shrugged, reasoning with himself a few options before saying them out loud. 

“S’not like she did any harm. Only thing that’s come of it is a bit of surprise to everyone…” he trailed, sitting across from the man he called his father figure and his friend. The tension seemed to ease up the second he neared the man, but there was more to be done to diffuse the situation, and he was all too happy to insert himself as the cause of said diffusion. 

“She lied about who she is, for all we know she could be working with local law, or worse, the pinkertons.” 

Dutch’s raised concerns nearly made Arthur chuckle. When you first got here, facade or not, you were still just lost and looking for somewhere to call home. There were never any motives behind your gang participation other than needing a family.

“We haven’t had them on our trail in ages. Coming here, we finally put a stop to their sniffin’ around. Besides, she’s been the reason for our successful jobs lately… she’s been loyal enough to save my life despite our differences.”

“But she lied to us,” Dutch kept driving his point. A liar’s a liar, and they lie about other things. 

“She’s a scared kid, Dutch. She just wants a place to be,” Arthur defended, his arguments becoming more close and personal, which led Dutch to connect some other dots. 

He sighed, looking at Arthur and coming to an understanding of what he knew were past events. 

“You knew, didn’t you?” 

Arthur dropped his head into a subtle nod, not yet meeting Dutch’s eyes for his fear of a bad reaction. 

“Since the week she got here.”

Dutch had to laugh, because of course he did. Arthur was more in tune with the members of camp than he could ever be, and more than they could be with each other. He was like Hosea that way, his ability to connect and grow relationships with others was just a natural gift. He often thought it stemmed from Arthur’s great love of the unknown, and his endless curiosity. 

“How’d you figure it out?” 

“I didn’t, until I found some uh… rather feminine items in her saddle bag. She fessed up pretty quickly to me,” Arthur scratched the back of his neck, his nerves settling when he knew he wouldn’t be in any trouble. 

“Well,” Dutch started, coming to the edge of his open tent, looking for the troubled recruit among the busy movement of the camp. “We’ve taken in much worse, and it’s always been in our favor. And you’re right… She's just a scared kid. A scared kid with the quickest hands I’ve ever seen.”

There was a moment, and then Arthur smiled.

“So… She’s free n’ clear?” He asked, his tone hopeful, which Dutch noticed. Perhaps Red had made amends after all, and just as Dutch promised, Arthur was in her corner. This wasn’t her time of need, per se, but he knew she would have him when it arrived.

“I suppose so, although… I’m not going to be responsible for the court of public opinion,” he gestured to everyone in the camp, frantically working around just to keep themselves busy. With all the chaos going on, it’s the only thing they can do not to sit and gossip, which they do anyway. 

“I reckon I better keep her away from Susan?” 

“With a ten foot pole, preferably,” Dutch rolled his eyes. That woman was full of determination, and it could be both a great strength, as well as her worst weakness. 

Arthur smiled, ready to go make good on a promise he’d been waiting on for some time. “I’ll catch you later then.”

“Alright, Arthur.”

-

You didn’t know if Arthur’s conversation with Dutch would benefit you or condemn you, but you didn’t stick around to find out. He’d found you saddling your horse, just in case a hasty escape needed to be made. Yes, perhaps your delusions were getting a bit out of hand. 

“Where you goin’?”

“Depends,” you started, “How mad is he?”

Arthur huffed and grabbed your wrist, stilling your movements. “He ain’t mad.”

“No?” You could hardly believe it. “He seemed riled up to me.”

“I talked to him,” he explained, but gave no further intel. 

“You got magic words or somethin’?” You chuckled, slightly more relaxed since the news came better than you hoped, and Arthur wasn’t dragging you back to be punished or anything. “What’d you tell him?” 

“That you were gonna be loyal… and that you’d been scared.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, trying to play off his last words like they weren’t true. “I ain’t scared.”

“Really? You were about to run, weren’t you?” He pointed to your full saddle bag and stocked up horse, ready to disappear at a moment’s notice. 

You caved. 

“He gave me a little fright is all,” you toed your boot into the dirt as you spoke, looking back up to find him nodding at your horse. 

“Climb up, let’s go to town before closing time,” he walked around to the other side where his horse was hitched from earlier today, still saddled since Bill hadn’t made his rounds yet. 

You complied, but were unsure of the motives for such a trip. 

“Is Dutch paying you to take me somewhere? He want you to kill me quietly?” 

It was just a joke, but he was getting tired of the overly dramatic interactions. He wasn’t sure what all transpired in your past, albeit knowing more than everyone else… even still, he figured there had to be something that gave you your theatrical touch. 

“Knock it off, would ya?”

“Sorry.”

The ride wasn’t long, but the sun was down when you both tied your horses to the poll in front of the general store. You’d been in here a few times, and the man behind the counter always cowered in fear of Texas Red the unkillable. No matter your manners or gentility, that’s just how it was. 

“What’re we doin’ here?” You adjusted your hat, wiping some sweat off your forehead and following him up the front steps. 

“I remember sayin’ I’d get you a dress a while back, we’re here to make good on it.”

You stopped in your tracks, a wide smile blossoming on your face when you heard him say it. He’d remembered, and been waiting for it since the night he uttered the words. 

He noticed you weren’t close behind him, and turned, catching the sweet expression you wore, but brushing it off with a sideways smile. 

“C’mon now, gotta pick it out.” 

You followed after him, and once inside, the man behind the counter seemed to be nervous, as usual. He didn’t seem to be weary of having you both in, just a bit anxious. Arthur knew his presence held power, but he figured with your reputation in this town, and others around… your presence was bound to hold more. 

“What can I do for you? Need more socks?” The man asked you kindly, and you shook your head, a small laugh escaping you. 

“No, we’re uh… we’re here to get a dress for my wife,” Arthur spoke evenly, his confidence showing through when he had to put on a show. 

Your head snapped to him, and though you knew he was intending to buy the dress for you, a thought sprang into your mind. Abigail. She was going to be his wife. 

This sweet little moment, with Arthur keeping his promise, and making a big to-do over your acceptance into camp, was all part of your own little fantasy. It wouldn’t last, and when you returned to camp, he’d be with her again, helping with Jack. You tried to shake the thought from your mind, wanting to enjoy this sliver of time with him. 

“Of course! I’ve got a new selection,” he pulled out the catalog, and opened the pages to a section with different types of skirts, petticoats, chemises, and corsets. All were beautiful, but your eye was drawn to a more simple style. It was a work dress, which would be far more practical for you than any of the other ones. 

“I’m not too good with all this. What do you think, Red? Which one would she like best?” He tossed you a smirk, leaning his elbow on the counter while he let you browse over the pages a bit longer, turning them over with a furrowed brow of focus. 

“What color does this one come in?” You asked the man over the counter, keeping your act up, but letting your hints of excitement show through. 

“That one is a nice pale blue, perfect for spring and summer time,” he spoke firmly, becoming more relaxed the longer you both were in the store. Yes, he’d heard the whispers, and for you, he’d actually seen your acts of a quick trigger. But here, you didn’t seem like a threat, so he stopped acting like you were.

“Blue, huh… Might bring out her eyes a bit, hey Arthur?” Now it was your turn to smirk, and he chuckled, nodding back to you and tapping the page twice with a heavy finger. 

“You’re right it would, make em’ look like crystal,” he played along, making you blush under the brim of your hat, unbeknownst to the man behind the counter. 

“It’s gotta be that one, then.”

Arthur chuckled, counting out the cash that the dress price was listed under, tossing it down on the counter and nodding to the man. 

“You heard the kid, we’ll take that one,” he spoke in a playful tone, ignoring the movements of the man as he scurried to the back rooms, getting your dress pieces together. 

Arthur lifted the brim of your hat, and smiled genuinely at the look on your face. It was excited, sweet, and grateful. He wanted to buy you the entire stock of the store just to ensure that look stayed on your face, no matter the irrationality of it. He’d become quite accustomed to giving you his time and his efforts, and this was no different. The only difference is that now he wanted to, wholeheartedly. The deal you’d struck with him, the one where you were going to teach him your methods of shooting faster, were now null and void. He didn’t want to take anything from you, he just wanted to give.

When the store worker returned with a large box in hand, Arthur thanked him for his time, carrying the thing over his shoulder and heading for the door, which you opened for him. 

Getting outside, you went for the horses, but he stopped you with a swat of your hand away from the reins. 

“Can’t go back yet, gotta see how this looks on ya,” he insisted, nodding for you to follow him yet again. He walked for a bit before coming up on the shed with a small lantern inside. It looked like it only housed tools and ropes and things of the like, but there was space enough to change in. “Came across this when I was out one day. Took a whole nap before someone realized I was in here.” 

“How convenient,” you teased, taking the box from his hands and eagerly walking into the confined space. 

“I’ll be out here,” he mumbled as you shut the door, putting a shovel against it since it didn’t really even close all the way. 

You knew he wasn’t the peeping type, so you began tearing away at your clothes, the ones that had been worn completely through by now and needed replacing anyway. You had more back at camp, but you had always missed dresses. This would be the first of many you would probably buy for yourself, but it was going to remain your favorite, because of who it came from. 

It was just like clock work, muscle memory helping you to remember all the little ties and snaps that needed to be in place, the corset laces that needed to be pulled enough to fit the outer fabrics. You knew you probably needed a good hair brushing and face washing to actually look like a young woman again, but for now, the dress was doing wonders on your self esteem… or at least it did until you realized you couldn’t finish putting it on by yourself. The buttons on the back went up higher than your shoulder blades, and sat in a near impossible spot to reach. If there was a mirror, you could probably just contort yourself enough to get it together, but in a dark, barely lit tool shed, your options were limited. 

You sighed, pulling the shovel away from the door and peaking your head outside. Arthur had nearly gone through an entire cigarette in the time you took to change. 

“Arthur?” You asked timidly. 

“M’here, you alright?” 

“I can’t reach the back,” you admitted, just slightly embarrassed. “Can you give me a hand?” 

He was all too happy to comply, stomping out the cigarette on the ground and taking quick steps to reach you. “Turn around.”

You did as he told you, turning so he had access to the open back of the dress. He couldn’t see you all too well in this light, but even from what he could see, a few words entered his mind from a past conversation you had with him. 

I used to be quite the stunner… and he surely believed it. 

His fingers caressed the exposed skin of your back before buttoning the fabric closed, smoothing it down over your shoulders and watching the way it fit you perfectly. 

“Don’t mention this to Abigail,” you joked, turning back around and trying to keep the mood light. It was beginning to feel too intimate, and you knew you couldn’t allow yourself to feel that way with Arthur anymore. 

“Why?” 

“Well, I might be a bit old fashioned, but isn’t it frowned upon for a taken man to be helping another woman with her dress?” 

It was just another joke, but he seemed to be completely thrown off by the implications. 

“I ain’t a taken man,” he confessed, looking at you with a stare that was all too deep, and all too consuming. He needed to stop that, but you didn’t have the heart to make him. 

“Not yet,” you corrected, but again it was you in the wrong. 

“No,” he shook his head, trying to bring a serious tone to the conversation. “I’m not gonna marry Abigail.”

Your face screwed up in confusion, thinking about all the times when he collapsed in her tent with Jack, just to get up and help him in the night. He was Jack’s new father, wasn’t he? That was the deal he made. 

“Why not? I thought that you were- well since you were helping with Jack and… what about your deal?”

“I said I was gonna do right by this boy, and I am… But Abigail won’t have me,” he shrugged, admitting to the rejection she gave of his offer. “She’s still in love with John, n’ I can understand it.”

It should have made you feel a bit of sadness, to know that even with all that Arthur was, someone would turn him away like that. ‘Abigial won’t have me’ sounded like perhaps he thought himself not good enough, just as he always does. Despite all of this, you didn’t feel sorrow, you felt an abundance of joy. A wide smile spread across your cheeks, and he furrowed his brow. 

“What’re you smilin’ about?”

“Nothing,” you dropped the smile and shook it off, running a hand up his arm and giving it a sincere squeeze. “I’m sorry, Arthur. I know you’ve meant well.”

“S’alright. Hosea’s been tellin’ me since Jack was born that I shouldn’t have offered. He doesn’t think we’re right for one another, somethin’ like that.” 

“I agree, you’re not right for each other,” you spoke out loud, though that thought was meant only for your head. 

Arthur seemed to be catching on slightly to your behavior, stepping a bit closer and staring downwards at you. 

“Yeah? And who am I right for?” He teased, watching the redness of your cheeks spread down your neck and shoulders with every breath you took. 

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out,” you did your best to counter his taunts, stepping away from him and going to collect your old clothes from the shed. Once they were in hand you turned back to the opening of the alley, making way for the horses. “You coming?” 

And of course, he followed, shaking his head and chuckling under his breath. 

-

The next day fared better than you thought it would, if you’re being honest. 

You didn’t really know why, if Dutch had said anything, or if Hosea did, but after you returned to camp the previous night, everyone seemed to be acting just fine. They treated you differently for sure, but not badly. In fact, you noticed the men had a certain kind of reverence to you that they never held before. The same they did with the other women. 

Maybe it was just the beautiful dress that Arthur bought for you, the light and pure color of it giving you a sense of being ethereal, having finally exposed the raw feminine beauty that was hiding for so long. You reckon you’d even start growing out your hair again, as the short style coming to your chin was not how you preferred to have it in the first place.

You still went to work doing the same tasks you normally did, but were careful not to rip your dress or over-exert yourself, given you were still in the same physical condition as the day before. 

“Charl- I mean, Miss Brooks?” 

You heard a voice chirp softly from beside you, and you dropped the wagon supplies for now to walk over to the owner of said voice, Tilly.

“Yes, Miss Tilly?” You extended a smile, and she smiled back, albeit a tight and awkward one from where she was sitting. You took a step or two closer, and she had to shake her head after getting a better look at you. 

“I just-” she cut herself short on account of the words already jumbling in her head. “I don’t want there to be any awkwardness between us.”

You furrowed your brow to her, unsure of what she could have possibly meant. 

“Why would there be?” 

“Well, if you can recall,” she started, a nervous chuckle in her speech. “I tried to make some… advances towards you. Back when I thought you were uh… a young man.”

You smiled again and ducked your head, a scoff of laughter and a nod of your head brought about less tension. It was no big deal. 

“Don’t worry yourself, Miss Tilly. I was the one who tricked ya, I oughta be apologizing. Probably should to Abigail, too.”

“Abigail?”

You tilted your head, recalling the scene. About two weeks before Jack was born. You’d done the same thing Arthur did, with not a care of revealing yourself in the future. 

“Before John even left, I offered her to be Jack’s ‘father’ when he was born. I guess I was pretty certain at the time no one was gonna find out,” you explained, leaning against the wagon she sat by, mending a shirt that looked like Arthur’s. You could tell by the wear and tear around the shoulders, where his broadness likely just caused the fabric to break down faster. 

“Could you really have gone on like that?” 

“I don’t know,” you pondered, another small laugh escaping you. “Maybe not, since I had to tell everyone I was eighteen just for them to believe it.”

“You aren’t eighteen?” She seemed surprised. Maybe you just had a young face. 

“No, ma’am. Twenty two nearing twenty three as a matter of fact.”

“I’ll say,” she tutted, throwing down the shirt she was finished with, and picking up a new one. “You had us all convinced. Makes me wonder where you really came from.”

You thought about telling her, but the story was long and today was a busier day than before. There was actual work to be done in preparing for the next job, a few days ahead. 

“Some place I didn’t wanna be,” you chided, stepping away from the wagon, nodding to her in thanks for the small chat. “I’ll let you get back to it.”

“Alright. I’ll catch you around,” she spoke sweetly, a kind look of relaxation on her face, now that she knew where she stood. 

You went back to work, making sure that neither Dutch nor Hosea saw you with idle hands today. You wanted to make sure that no matter what happened now, you wouldn’t be cast aside. You still had the abilities they needed, but with a skirt on your hips, they saw you differently, and it was up to you to show them you were not going to be ignored when it came to jobs in the future. 

You hated that the rest of the women in camp were just seen as stationary helpers, only capable of mending clothes or cleaning up the camp, or even just laying the groundwork in town for the men to actually pull jobs. You’ve seen Abigail in action, she was smart and cunning and had a great way with words, she could be the difference in things staying civil or having a shoot out during a quiet robbery, but the men overlook her gifts. You know the women in this camp have great potential, and perhaps if they let you continue as you have been, they will open the opportunities for the others as well.

Tags: @photo1030 @sheepdogchick @snoopysshark @strvberrydoll @yyiikes @phantasyy @puffyhairedhipster @scorpio-echo @hollyskjlap

[angeliquexoxo]

"What are they like?" - General Resident Headcanons

PART 1

You read the title, it's just hc from my au on what I think the residents' are like in the mansion (⁠ ⁠/⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠)⁠/⁠♪⁠♪

All of these characters are not mine to claim and all belong to their respectful owners

Also this post may contain mature content (swearing, mentions of trauma, and other stuff)

The Slenderman

Unfortunately I did not write him as the loving father type. He's a powerful entity, an operator- he doesn't see humans or other monsters as sorry souls for him to help that's Splendor's stuff.

Once he sees a single being capable of doing whatever he wants, he will get that being, and make them a part of his mansion.

Very expectant of his minions, doesn't expect them to fail in any way. Though if they do end up failing, obviously they won't walk away with a punishment.

He doesn't step in when there are fights between the residents in the mansion.

The only time he does step in is when another entity is interfering with the minds of his minions or if he knows when a fight will leave permanent damage in the minds of the residents like emotional damage, mentions of very personal trauma, etc.

He doesn't show himself a lot in the mansion. The residents are aware of the Slenderman, he made himself known to them before dragging them to their new home. All of them are aware of how terrifying he is so they make sure to do their missions or anything to not make him upset he's really terrifying when angry.

He has an office in the mansion, it's located high up. It's on the second highest floor, the floor before the attic. the reason why his office is there is due to the harsh static frequency he gives off.

He's not at the mansion at all times. The only time he'll be at his office is when he wishes to have a meeting with his proxies/other residents. However, he is always watching.

Masky

Besides Kate, he's one of the first residents of the mansion Brian came shortly after he fell from the building in MH

Once the Operator took hold of his mind, pretty much Masky and Tim merged together and became a whole different person. He still has Tim's level-headed and cautious person but also gets stressed and anxious he has his pills and cigarettes to help him out

Tim can be blunt and brutal thanks to Masky. Because of this, Tim is a lot less sympathetic. He's also the Head Proxy- he's good at giving orders and telling most residents on what to do but not all residents like him.

Some think he's an okay leader, some think he's more of an asshole because he's the head proxy. Either way, the residents look at him when they want to know things about major missions.

Definitely not the nicest person at the mansion but it really depends. If he gets at least 6 hours of sleep then he'll be neutral but if he doesn't get any sleep at all then he'll either act like a tired dad who got a divorce or a short-tempered dick.

Most of the time he's stuck looking at paperwork and doing missions for the Boss, because of this he turns to smoking to cope. He'll only use his pills when he gets really anxious and stressed.

His friendship with Hoodie started off awkward but got close. When they met again at the mansion the two were really distant with one another. Both of them are aware they had a bond back in Marble Hornets but because they're now almost completely new people, they can't have the friendship they had before.

He's not the one breaking up fights in the mansion, he's either the one dealing with the aftermath or the one starting some of them. On times where he does start a fight, it usually starts with an argument. You know he's winning when the residents start to throw hands and he just blankly stares with tired eyes. When things start to get aggressive he leaves quickly because he knows he has better shit to do HAHAHHA

Hoodie

One of the more intimidating proxies. He has a big figure, I'm not just talking about height. He's one of the better fighters when it comes to getting physically aggressive. He's also the one constantly breaking up fights in the mansion.

Very quiet, doesn't talk too much to most of the residents unless it's about missions and such. He also hates loud disturbances, which is why he breaks up fights in the mansion.

In the same situation with Masky, Brian and Hoodie merged together and became one person. He's not as easy going as before, sure- if he's in the mood he'll be laid back but since he's a 2nd ranked proxy and is partnered with Masky, he has to be on guard at all times.

Not really into things or people that are high in energy. He prefers things to be lowkey.

He's way more brutal than Masky, if he's dealing with a target whose constantly kicking, screaming, and crying- he will not give two fucks about them. He will not hold back on disposing of them- does not care if it's a man or woman though he has his boundaries when it comes to kids.

He came in after Masky not too long ago, when the two met again in the mansion he was very conflicted. They're now in the same hellhole they were at before except they're both almost completely different people. They aren't as friendly as before- because the both of them are aware of what happened in Marble Hornets, they decided to be on neutral terms with one another. They'll still be friendly with one another but the friendship they have now compared to the one they had in Marble Hornets is definitely not the same.

Doesn't really socialize in the mansion, the only person he pretty much talks the most would be Masky, but he tries not to get reminiscent with him.

Like stated before, he's an intimidating member of the mansion. Him standing alone in some dark room or hallway is enough to get people running away from him.

Very physically fit in a way too, not as fast as some of the residents but he has crazy strength.

Kate the Chaser

Was there before the mansion was a thing. She used to live in abandoned buildings and empty sewer tunnels before the mansion came to be. Kate didn't even live in the mansion when the Slenderman told her to reside there, she was used to living alone- surviving. So the thought of her living in the soon to be resident filled mansion was weird for her.

She wasn't salty when she learned she wasn't the head proxy, like I said before- she was used to doing things by herself. Which is why she got the title of Lone Proxy and became the Slenderman's personal lapdog.

Kate is also not the nicest resident in the mansion. She doesn't socialize with the other members and prefers to go out in the forest or be in her room.

She doesn't get along well with the other residents either. She makes it known to the others that she's not here to make friends and shit. The only residents she's okay with are Jane and maybe the other Proxies.

She finds Masky and Hoodie alright, although she has her own ideals on how to lead a group, she keeps her mouth shut since they're doing an okay job. Not a big fan of Toby though.

Besides Jane, she sees the other women in the mansion annoying. Clockwork is too loud and has no filter to the things she says, while Nina is just a person she knows she won't get along with. As for the other men in the mansion- it's just a no for her.

The Slenderman is in her mind the most simply because he can easily infiltrate her mind the easiest.

I imagine her to be strict, like someone in the military? Is also very serious especially when it comes to work- not because she worships her Boss but because she knows that one wrong move and it's pretty much immediate death for her.

A very strong member of the mansion, consider her a veteran when it comes to doing the Slenderman's bidding.

Ticci Toby

As much as I miss the waffle loving "hey Masky" dude, I wanna keep things real. He kills people, has a bunch of trauma, and is an adult. He's not an innocent uwu child boi cringed so hard omg

He knows when to act dumb and is incredibly good at it if he's with a person that's not from the mansion. He doesn't like to be viewed as a weakling and instead uses it to his advantage to fool people.

Although he's a Proxy- a lone one at that, a lot of people tend to not take him seriously because of his tics. His tics are mostly tame but gets aggressive when he loses his cool.

Gets easily ticked off not pun intended by members like Jeff and Masky a lot. They tend to bully him because he's easy to push around and also because Toby loses his cool easily.

Is a very cautious person and pays attention to his surroundings a lot.

One of the more "optimistic" residents, he can be laid back and crack some jokes but when it comes to doing missions- like a flip of a switch, the boy is laser focused on the task on hand.

Very athletic, although he may seem weak and scrawny- he's a fast runner and can jump really high. Because of his CIPA, he is able to go through the day without feeling the pain of his injuries- although it doesn't mean he's constantly losing blood and passing out on the beds in the infirmary.

Still has some trauma from the car crash, he can be inside of an abandoned car but if he's in a car and it's making a lot of loud noises- it's a big no for him. Same goes to listening to a bunch of vehicles going fast on a road yk when they go nyooooom! He doesn't like that either. Don't get him started on truck horns.

His immune system is pretty bad, doesn't have a good sleeping schedule is also insomniac. Has a problem with keeping his food down, he always ends up throwing all of it up.

He's kinda good at manipulating people, will definitely say stuff about his trauma or something about his conditions. If he says the right sappy stuff to the right people then it's an easy win for him. Sorry Toby fans.

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

I feel bad for Starlo. (pt. 9)

Star's the Papyrus (both are idealistic & seen as naive) of this game (Martlet is another possible parallel), even though he's got similarities with Undyne too. No matter how broken Ceroba seemed he asked himself WHY she did what she did and I think that's SUPER important.

Ceroba didn't do this. Her first instinct was to be harsh (after being harsh with him even BEFORE he attacked Clover):

called his personality "damaged" before this scene

... you never asked yourself WHY he did the whole sheriff act.

.... you never asked WHY he didn't want to grow up. If it was a coping mechanism, if he wanted to help his community in a way he couldn't as a farmer? It was never on her mind.

Yes he has baggage but he's dealing with it all while uplifting others, Ceroba has baggage but is well taken care of by Star and at least has him, he has no one but himself and his optimism to pull him out of negative feelings, and still gets insulted.

Yeah Ceroba's been through stuff but apparently it's been some time since Chujin passed and Kanako fell down, she should have at least started to support Star emotionally like he's been supporting her (sure, he did so with distractions, but as he said "aren't distractions what's best for all of that?" He did his best). Problem is she DIDN'T realise he was ever struggling with self worth and only assumed he was goofing off. Either that or she did nothing about it aka was too occupied with her own problems (which are valid but still... she should have tried at least a little) Cer's character flaw is being too stubborn and devoted to Chujin. She trusted him blindly and wholeheartedly. Everything else came in 2nd place. This is clear as day.

It hurts knowing Ceroba could never respect Starlo the way she still does her husband. Not saying she shouldn't admire Chujin, but the way she sees Star as a goofy manchild whose lifelong passion can go "too far," the way she sees all this Wild East stuff as him "just having fun," the way she thinks that only someone whose brain isn't developed would ever consider dating him just... ticks me off, tbh. That's why I think the guy needs someone who will be gentle and patient with him, even if that other person is going through tough times.

She DID call Starlo the best sheriff she's ever known (honestly the only sweet moment between them in pacifist, but it is very brief, especially in neutral where he just gets cut off; also I hope she was being genuine here) and said how everyone adored him (but hated his persona, which I've already covered: basically they either hated 'North Star' as a whole, which I hope isn't true, or just how excited he was to meet Clover, which makes no sense to me; already covered it as well)

Bonus: Dina didn't know who Star really was or what he looked like, not before the end credits rolled (when he shows up as himself & she's also seen there; makes sense that he finally came clean to her):

So he's literally been playing this role 24/7, ever since she became the bartender; ever since this town started to exist. It's impressive how he could keep up an act AND use this fake accent for so long

Bonus #2: Star was SUPER worried about Clover's safety; that's what REALLY upset him (he cares about that child sm). THAT's what drove him off the edge (unless he naturally has a temper, i don't think this is it tho). Either way, he was way more patient w Ceroba than I think most would have been in that situation. Sure he snapped a few times, but there was a good reason to. He still TRIED to reason with her. Why did he attack? Worried for Martlet & Clover. I honestly think Star's the type to only get super angry if someone he loves is in danger (minus the stuff that happened which led him to cracking)

[robinminustherichard]

Def think they're setting this up for a family story line for Tommy. My two cents is:

Option 1: Tommy's shitty dad (and/or additional family) shows up, either off screen so Tommy just freezes Buck out for a while and Buck spirals because he thinks Tommy just doesn't want to introduce Buck to his family; completely forgetting that Tommy said his dad isn't great and not putting the pieces together because he probably hasn't faced blatant homophobia yet and doesn't put two and two together; OR his dad/family show up on screen, see Buck and Tommy together, they're super shitty and Tommy doesn't disagree, fight, or defend himself but Buck does and Tommy snaps at him that he shouldn't have done that etc etc etc; so Buck is mad and then sad because he doesn't get why Tommy acted that way and then we're back to Buck just not having dealt with homophobia.

Relationship lesson is that Tommy needs to open up more and trust that Buck won't hurt him; Buck needs to understand that he has had an overall good experience as a queer man so far and not everyone has had that, so he, on some level, has to realize that being in a relationship with a man is wonderful but frankly more difficult; AND that he has to respect that Tommy has had some difficult times and Buck can't always fix it.

Option 2: one of Tommy's family dies and it's either shitty dad so he doesn't want to go to the funeral and snaps at Buck when Buck tries to press him into saying why he won't go/isn't very compassionate when Tommy copes with dark humor; or shitty Dad is the one who dies and Tommy doesn't not cope well and Buck doesn't cope well with that; and Tommy just keeps saying that his dad sucked and Buck says that his parents also aren't great but Tommy gets upset because it's not even close to the same.

Relationship lesson is that Tommy has to speak up and be clear with Buck when he's at his limit but also he needs to take time to explain at least a little to Buck at some point what's going on, or else Buck will spiral; and Buck will learn that sometimes he has to let Tommy have the space to process and settle before he can talk about things that are sore spots and trauma, and that abusive (or even just tremendously shitty) parents are complicated and different for everyone.

I think in both scenarios but especially the second, the advice from Bobby is that 1.) Serious relationships are hard and require both accepting thier demons AND fighting demons together; 2.) Like him, Tommy had an Angry Man in his house growing up, and that is really, really hard to heal from and to face head on if said Angry Man is still around; 3.) You can't always protect your partner from the hard things, but you can always try to help them--help just looks different for everyone. 4.) Buck and Tommy have to be a team, and that means being vulnerable and learning each other on a deeper level than they already have, and it's up to Buck and Tommy know whether they're both fully in this and actually do it.

[whumplump]

Day 30 of @augusnippets

Prompts used: self harm, addiction

CW: self harm, blood, graphic description, unhealthy coping, self depreciation

Under the cut because it's heavy and I don't want anyone to catch their eyes on any word that could trigger them. I put my soul into this work. Sorry it's longer than usual.

Whumpee got upset that day. They didn't know if it was a bad day, or if it was just 5 bad minutes that they had been dwelling on all day, but they were upset. This pain that they felt, constantly, but erased by a smile, made them up. There was a medicine for that pain.

They got home and spent the afternoon doing nothing. Procrastinating on their cell phone. Playing with the dog. Two of the few things they still had the energy to do. When 5pm arrived, it was time to clean the house. They used a broom, vacuum cleaner and mop in every corner, removing all the dust and stains from the floor and furniture. The frustration began when they put back the rugs they took out to beat the dust outside. The room already looked filthy again. But they didn't have the strength to vacuum again, so the dirt stayed there.

After mopping, they sat on the bed waiting for the floor to dry. The desire crossed their minds. They wasted no time. They opened the wardrobe and took from a box of homemade scissors a tiny stiletto in the shape and color of a carrot. Very cute, they thought. They liked that object. Not only because of its innocent appearance, but because of the comfort it brought to them with its sharp efficiency.

They rolled down the sleeve on their right arm and pulled down the various bracelets, revealing the scars in the perfect place to cut and hide. There were still some scabs from cuts that were healing. They opened the blade and prepared themselves, both arms in the air. They hesitated for a moment. They knew that cutting themselves would hurt too much. But they knew that they would be more nervous if they didn't do it, and they would also be more angry with themselves if they were cowardly and didn't do what they are used to.

They thought, looking at the scars. They hate scars, but they love watching the gaping cuts, the leaking blood, the skin and flesh torn by the comforting blade.

They want to see the cuts open.

They brought the blade down to the arm very quickly, producing a horizontal cut across the wrist. It hurt a lot, but they couldn't give up now. They made another cut, trying to get used to it. And another. And another. And another. Dozens. The right wrist was quickly covered in scarlet. With each cut, Whumpee wanted more, wanted it to hurt more, for the knife to tear the skin and hurt even more. They kept telling themselves "just one more", but it was never the last one. They did that almost every day. They never managed to get rid of the feeling of the cuts, which wasn't good, but it wasn't bad either. They felt empty inside. Feeling that was better than feeling nothing.

When they were satisfied with the session, their wrist was devastated. An irregular sequence of horizontal cuts covered the entire wrist region, blood leaking in abundance, some stripes running down the arm. Whumpee looked at the cuts with relief and a little pride. Yes, they did that. That was something they could say they had authored and no one could deny. Only they knew how to do it, like that, on their wrist, with their stiletto. But after the trance with the pain ended, the emptiness filled their head again. They no longer felt anything. They needed more. They swore to themselves they would never do it again, but it was too good to let go. The blood! The pain!

They raised the stiletto and made many, many cuts, some straying out of the way and cutting into places accidentally, like the palm of the hand or the rest of the arm. Even though it wasn't intentional, Whumpee enjoyed the unusual pain. They couldn't say when they would stop. Maybe never. They didn't have anyone's help to say that it wasn't healthy. But it didn't matter. They were so nasty and unworthy, they didn't deserve any help.

They didn't wash the cuts, they just used a piece of paper towel to dry up the remaining blood and pulled the sleeve back up. This would definitely make the cuts dull and not heal.

Whumpee didn't care.

[the-woker]

The whole Jason Todd is girl-coded debate thing admittedly just rubs me the wrong way.

I understand that there are people who consider gender as a concept and there are other people who consider gender to be something very real. Both are correct and very valid statements of expression, but someone who is genderless and has a heavy respect and fondness for the feminine and people with such experiences, I feel like what we are declaring 'girl-coded' should probably be a bit more analyzed and taken with more care.  

I have no ill-will to any of the people who post about this, they all seem like kind people, and everyone is entitled to their opinions and to posting them.  There is nothing wrong with projecting onto a character, identifying with their struggle and using that to cope with your trauma.  As someone who’s favorite character of all time is Jason Todd, and enjoys gender-weirdness,  and has been severely mistreated for being perceived as feminine before, I understand entirely. 

But there's a point when I can't help but feel uncomfortable with assigning being violent, a victim, “hysterical angry-like a girl”, expressing rage via screaming, and looking up to women in general as 'girl moments' and explicitly stating these as the reasons a male character is girl coded. And those have been the very specific points I have seen cited as what traits Jason has that make him "girl-coded."

I'm putting this all under a read more since this discussion is really not that deep, nor is it really relevant to the average Jason Todd tag surfer. It's just something I keep seeing talked about in the past few months.

Admittedly, just to begin with, the argument that what makes Jason ‘girl-coded’ is the fact that he is a victim in general, has strong connections with women, tends to like strong and muscular women, and has been vitriol in his screaming matches with other characters simply does not sit well with me as an explanation for what people are associating women with.  A female character can indeed do everything Jason did in a comic story, and I would enjoy it greatly, however staking these specific traits of his as the “feminine” ones is treading into a dangerous territory.

Especially since I’ve seen a few times now that people are claiming Jason and Batman’s fight in UTRH to be a Patriarchy metaphor and how Jason represents women’s struggles. The first problem I have with that claim, is very simply that Jason and Bruce’s fight is explicitly not about Bruce being a system that failed to protect Jason.

Nor is it about a pressure for Jason to return to conforming to Bruce and his rules.  Bruce wants him back with him, because Bruce loves Jason, but at no point does he attempt to force him to return to him, nor does he even force him to stop killing.  He certainly gets in the way and he prevents several of them, but when given the direct choice to either kill or force Jason to stop killing, he simply walks away and only intervenes after Jason attempts to kill Bruce himself. Calling this an analogy for women fighting against oppression by an organized system designed to exploit them, is not an apt metaphor, as likable and sympathetic as it is towards Jason, and I’d personally recommend avoiding it.

In general, on that topic.  The argument could be made for other male members of the Batfam (take Dick Grayson’s constant sexual harassment for being a ‘pretty boy’ for example.), but Jason is also simply just not a victim of the Patriarchy.

Unlike Stephanie Brown, Jason was accepted immediately by Bruce as Robin and as part of the family.  He was murdered by his mother for being an obstacle in her operation of stealing from starving people, and by a madman who killed him for being one of his nemeses.  His murder was upsetting but had nothing to do with him not presenting himself as society claimed he should, nor for not obeying said society's customs and arbitrary rules.

Under the Red Hood is a fascinating, engaging, philosophical, and extremely emotional piece of media and it’s a favorite for many people (including me) for a reason.  Highlighting Jason’s actions as being a ‘girl moment’ when he is intentionally trying to push past Bruce’s only boundary, however, is an uncomfortable idea to proclaim. Especially considering when and how Bruce tries to negotiate and reason with Jason. Jason quite literally holds their relationship, and his life, over Bruce in an attempt to get him to behave how he wants, claiming that he does so as an expression of femininity has horrible implications. Jason is entirely allowed to do what he wants (I enjoy it greatly. His violence is very sexy and honestly we should bring it back) but that is a gender neutral choice, and I wouldn’t say that this run nor his backstory have much in common with women’s struggles to label them as “clearly being such”.

Additionally, The narrative is also not portraying Jason as “hysterical”; this was his first proper return to comics after 20 years. The intention of the narrative is to challenge the morality of Batman and to open an in-universe line of discourse for a discussion that for years, has been, and still is relevant in the comic community.  

Jason’s death was notoriously the moment that Batman got closest to breaking his rule and so they brought Jason back to be the character who pushed him on why he maintained it.  They made Jason angry and violent to raise the stakes of what the Joker did to him, and to raise the question of if there was a crime so horrible that it was a moral failing to continue the pacifist approach to criminal reform.  Jason is being treated in a significantly kinder light than most of the characters we would traditionally see doing these actions.  We all agree Lock-up was a bad guy, we can agree that the League of Assassins is wrong, but we’re given a chance to take Jason at face value and are not immediately told how to feel despite the narrative showing us his violence in a raw and uncut way. Killing a bunch of drug dealers while rising in the ranks of the drug trade yourself is hardly a selfless act of good after all. 

Disclaimer 1:  I don’t think Jason is entirely wrong about many things.  But I simply do not believe Bruce “owes” him killing, and that it is wrong of Jason to demand this of him or anyone for that matter. Nobody owes you their innocence and you aren’t entitled to breaking anyone’s boundaries. 

Disclaimer 2:  I cannot stress enough how much I like Jason.  This post is not meant to make anyone feel bad, or make Jason seem like the “bad guy” of the fandom.  It’s simply a disservice to his character to write him off as nothing more than an angry victim and call it an expression of femininity, and a reminder to be a bit more careful when labeling and assigning traits. 

[starsurface]

Hi!! Sorry if I request a lot >< can I ask for regressor!Hanzo & cg!Kuai Liang from MK11? If you want to make it subscorp where they're dating that's cool too 🫶

-🦈

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO REQUEST THESE TWO!!!! THANK YOU!!! :D <3 <3 <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

CG Kuai Liang w/ Regressor Hanzo Hcs

🦂 Hanzo regresses from about 1-4

⛄️ Either a grumpy baby, or a grumpy toddler

🦂 Kuai Liang was a caregiver long before he began watching over Hanzo, and wasn't too surprised when he found out that Hanzo regressed (and also praised him for finding a healthy coping mechanism)

⛄️ Kuai Liang first saw Hanzo regress when they were still friends

🦂 Hanzo was extremely upset over something, and threw a very big tantrum

⛄️ Kuai Liang helped him calm down, and set anything he accidently set on fire, and then had to deal with one extremely guilty and shameful tiny Hanzo

🦂 After that, Kuai Liang became his main CG, especially after they got together

⛄️ Hanzo is a very . . . angry baby

🦂 If he's having a stressful day, he'll end up throwing things and breaking into tears and shouts

⛄️ Tantrums are, unfortunately, very often, especially when Kuai Liang first began watching him

🦂 They've gotten increasingly better over the years, and now Hanzo will angrily pout and huff and sit beside Kuai Liang when he's feeling upset

⛄️ Kaui Liang knew how to deal with the tantrums, Bi-Han had them sometimes

🦂 He'll let Hanzo sit on the floor and scream and cry, sitting nearby and making sure he doesn't hit his head or smack the floor too hard

⛄️ When Hanzo calms down, Kuai Liang will let him sob in his lap and tell him that while no, he's not naughty, he doesn't need to scream and hit, sweetheart

🦂 If Hanzo’s powers activate (rare but has happened) Kuai Liang sets out any fire and will scold him later for that, right now his main goal is to calm Hanzo down

⛄️ Luckily, somehow, no one has ever really seen his tantrums and rarely has anyone ever gotten hurt (except for Kenshi and Takeda)

🦂 I like to think Kenshi and Hano are friends, and babysit each other or sometimes regress together

⛄️ And Takeda both regresses with Hanzo and will babysit him (I LOVE TAKEDA!!!)

🦂 Again, Hanzo’s tantrums decrease as time goes on, and Kuai Liang and him work through different ways to control his anger

⛄️ Hanzo rarely tells Kuai Liang when he's small, but Kuai Liang's really good at figuring it out

🦂 Hanzo will get quiet and cling to Kuai Liang's arm and hide in his shoulder

⛄️ Now, just because Hanzo’s tantrums have died down, doesn't mean he isn't a grumpy kid most, all, times

🦂 Will sit and angrily pout as Kuai Liang tries to figure out what snack he wants

⛄️ Or will glare at Kuai Liang until Kuai Liang figures out what's wrong

🦂 Most times, Kuai Liangs good at figuring out what he wants, especially as they get further into dating

⛄️ But sometimes Kuai Liang asks Hanzo to use his big kid words and Hanzo will, incredibly quietly, tell him what he wants

🦂 Now, just because Hanzo’s grumpy, doesn't really make him a brat

⛄️ Doesn't like breaking rules and the only ‘naughty’ thing he does is his tantrums

🦂 Also, feels absolutely TERRIBLE after his tantrums and will try his hardest to make it up to Kuai Liang for forgiveness

⛄️ Kuai Liangs already forgiven him though, he understands most times it's because of a stressful day or Hanzo just not knowing how to deal with his emotions

🦂 But if Kuai Liang says no to something? Well he doesn't like it and will pout for a few minutes, but will eventually get over it

⛄️ Kuai Liang says it's time for bed? He doesn't want it to be, but Kuai Liang says that they get to cuddle and get into comfy jammies!!

🦂 Punishments don't do well with Hanzo, and will only make him break down more

⛄️ Most times, Hanzo’s rule breaking is accidental, especially when he regresses younger

🦂 Also, most times, learns his lesson the first time because Kuai Liang will make him fix his mess or he doesn't get the snack now :(

⛄️ Hanzo claims he can do everything by himself and Kuai Liang will let gim, only because Hanzo will get fussy is Kuai tries to intervene

🦂 However, Hanzo will sheepishly come ask for help five minutes later and Kuai Liang will gladly help

⛄️ Kuai Liang's CG nicknames are Dada, Kuai, and Frosty!! (Hanzo only calls Kuai Liang the last one when he's super small and it melts Kuai Liang's heart)

🦂 Hanzo’s favorite nicknames are Firestarter, Firefly, Sweetheart, Little One, Baby Boy

⛄️ Not Sweetie though, that nickname was one Harumi gave him and it will make Hanzo spiral for days on end

🦂 Kuai Liang felt terrible when he first called Hanzo that and will make sure to stay clear from the nickname

⛄️ He's also very patient because he understands that he still misses Harumi and he'll cuddle with him and coddle him and do whatever Hanzo needs to feel better again

🦂 Hanzo really appreciates it, but does feel bad for being upset over Harumi while he's with Kuai Liang (which Kuai Liang is quick to gently shut down)

⛄️ Kuai Liang's favorite activity together are when he can make little snowflakes appear and Hanzo marvels at them

🦂 Scorpion doesn't like regressing outside of his room, but sometimes he'll venture out to the fire gardens

⛄️ Will NOT regress at the Lin Kuei temple unless he really needs to (terrified of being judge, but Kuai Liang's quick to put people in their places)

🦂 (^ Surprisingly, because of Kuai Liang being Grandmaster, age regression is more commonly seen at the Lin Kuei Temple)

⛄️ (^ Not that it isn't accepted at the Shirai Ryu!! People just more regress in their rooms)

🦂 The Sharai Ryu has koi fish and he adores them and gets grumpy when he hears Lord Raiden's new names for them

⛄️ ^ He would never name one of his fishies Blubber and Kuai Liang will never hear the end of it! >:(

🦂 If Hanzo’s been somewhat good, Kuai Liang will surprise him with ice cream (technically he should only be able to make icies, but hush) and it makes Hanzo get very happy and excited

⛄️ Hanzo LOVES his teddy bear and will always have him when he's small (unless he's outside because he gets embarrassed)

🦂 ^ although the one time Mr. Bear did come outside to the fire gardens, everyone was super supportive and asked what his name was, so maybe Mr. Bear can come outside again

⛄️ If Kuai Liang needs to get work done during nap time, Mr. Bear becomes Hanzo’s new best friend and cuddle partner (he is very upset that Kuai Liang has to do paper work instead of cuddling him)

🦂 Gets very upset when Mr. Bear has to get cleaned, and clings to Kuai Liang the entire time and makes sure to double check if Kuai Liang's being careful with him

⛄️ Once he gets Mr. Bear back though, Kuai Liang gets thrown to the side again :3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

They're actually almost always in my mind. <3

[aita-polls]

WIBTA for telling my girlfriend I cheated?

Okay so this is probably going to be a lot. People involved are me (24F), my girlfriend M (25F), our best friend A (22M), and our other best friend, A’s boyfriend, S (20M).

So. For background, we’ve all been friends for years and it was very much the four of us against the world. I met M first because we were roommates at college, and she knew A and S from our classes, who were already dating at the time, and introduced us. I’m a lesbian, S is gay, and M and A are bi. We’ve always been a very openly affectionate and sometimes sexual friend group, ignoring the fact that me and S never did anything because of our incompatible genders/sexualities. No one had sex outside of our partners, but we were definitely much more close than most friends, and casual making out etc. was a thing that happened between me, A and M quite often. It was always while we were in a group, never alone or without anyone’s knowledge. I was never attracted to A, again I’m a lesbian, but due to a mixture of just naturally lax boundaries and sexual trauma I don’t really see sex or sexual activity as anything sacred or meaningful so I didn’t mind messing around with A in that way for fun. We never explicitly said not to do anything alone, but we never said it was okay either, it was just never really a situation that came up.

So. This is where it becomes a lot. At the beginning of 2024 S was murdered. A and I found his body. The legal stuff is still ongoing obviously but the person responsible was caught. It was violent, random, and completely unprovoked. S was the kindest person any of us had ever known. None of us coped with this well. We’ve all always been very impulsive, emotional people, S was kind of the token responsible guy keeping us (occasionally) grounded even though honestly more often we were convincing him to join us instead 🥲

We all responded in different ways but none of them were good. A was a complete mess exacerbated by the fact that the last time he and S had spoken it had been an argument. I was just angry at the world and the only time I wasn’t sobbing or yelling I was drunk or high. M essentially vanished off the face of the earth for a month and ghosted us and didn’t talk to us at all.

I’m not going to offer excuses for what happened. I could say we were messed up, I could say I felt abandoned by M or assumed she’d left me, I could say we were coping, but none of that matters because what matters is A and I slept together. This was about 5 weeks after S’s death and M’s disappearance. It was very abrupt, kind of impersonal, and sort of just. “I need to do something and you’re the person here” vibes. I obviously was not actually attracted to him as a man, but I just didn’t care who it was in that moment and I gather neither did he. I had followed him into a sort of out of the way campus building people don’t use much because he was very fired up and upset, we talked about S and M and how fucking devastating and enraging it all was, he just grabbed me, and it went from there. We were both very dissociated throughout it and agreed it wouldn’t happen again.

A few days after this, M got back in contact. She apologized for disappearing and said she was coping in her own way and needed isolation but that it wasn’t fair to us. She said she wanted us all to put everything that had happened since S’s death behind us and not talk about it because she assumed we had all done things we weren’t proud of in grief and that she didn’t want us to dwell on them. She just wanted us to heal together and stick together from now on.

We agreed but I felt fucking awful. I spoke to A about it after this and it was complicated further by him admitting that he had been attracted to me since the day we met and that this was part of how fucked up his emotions felt because he was full of guilt both for feeling that way and for arguing with S before he died. He said S had been aware of him wanting me and had been relatively fine with it but that it wasn’t an outright crush, he didn’t have romantic feelings for me, it was just physical attraction paired with us being close friends and him trusting me. I reaffirmed that I’m a lesbian and am not genuinely attracted to him like that and that I love M and want to be with her, and he said he completely understood and that he was still in love with S. We both agreed it had been a grief thing for us and only happened as a result of our mindsets and emotional states in that moment.

However I still feel horrifically guilty for not telling M. Part of me thinks she’s guessed something happened and that’s part of why she said to forget anything we’ve done, but I don’t know if that’s just wishful thinking to weasel my way out of confronting it. A very firmly believes I shouldn’t tell her both because of her wishes and because he thinks since it didn’t mean anything it would ruin our relationship for nothing. But I still feel that it was a huge betrayal and that my confusion at her disappearing and my grief doesn’t just mean I get to pretend it didn’t happen.

Everything is still so fresh and we’re still trying to cope, and we haven’t even gotten to the trial and facing him yet. Sometimes I almost go to tell her and it feels like she knows and changes the subject so we never get the chance. But I don’t know if I’m just making things up. Would it be a bad idea to keep pushing and just sit her down and tell her straight up, should I wait until we’ve all moved on a little more, or should I just shut up about it forever?

[perplexingluciddreams]

Quick update on seating:

Grey chair (aka Recliner Support System from Special Tomato) didn't work for me. It was good in a few ways, but still not enough support for my body. And actually caused me a lot of pain. We tried it many different ways with several adjustments. But it was always painful.

We tried with and without backrest: with = too much painful pressure on my stick-out bones, without = too much gap at lower back and not enough lateral (side) support to stop from sliding/slouching/slumping to the side. The seat part felt comfortable, but there was nothing to stop my legs from splaying out, so my hips were still not quite right (and definitely other joints of my legs are NOT aligned properly).

The harness was not as good as I thought it might be. It didn't really hold me securely like I hoped, it just either created more painful pressure on parts of my back, or didn't do anything at all (depending on how tight it was). The headrest just put my neck at weird angles and made it stiff and sore for days afterwards.

In fact, I was stiff and sore ALL OVER for days and days afterwards (and I tried it several different days, several different ways - every time just stiff in a slightly different place).

I am disappointed and upset that it doesn't work. I feel like I am running out of options, and my pain is just increasing.

I actually have a lot of concern about my back. I have known for a long time that my back is weird and wrong. It hurts all the time. My ribs on my right side (at the back) stick up, and my right shoulder blade is more prominent compared to the left. Both my shoulders are rounded, but more on the right (which doesn't make sense to me because the left side is weaker). And my neck is always bent forwards - when I tilt it back it makes my head be looking up, like my neck is "stuck" tilted down??

I don't know exactly why my back is like this, I just know that it has been like this for a long time and seems worse now (??). Mum says it is just my posture and due to hypotonia (low muscle tone) and left side weakness. That is definitely a BIG factor - it effects everything about my body.

But I am so confused why my back won't go flat and straighten out when I stretch, or press it flat. It just hurts more in those stick-out areas.

And I won't even go into detail about how hypotonia and hypermobility and left side weakness affects the muscles - how my body tries to compensate, etc. And how some muscles get short and tight, and others get lengthened and loose. Everything is fucked, basically.

I just want to be comfortable and not in pain. My bed is the only option (other than swing) that I have to sit, and it is not supporting my body well at all. In fact, it causes more pain long term, because it is keeping me in awful posture. And at this point, even leaning back on pillows still hurts the right side of my back!!! I need to re-teach my body to be in a correct posture.

It is just so difficult to do when I cannot tolerate an upright position at all, need to be very reclined majority of the time, cannot hold myself up, cannot cope with the pain from pressure on so many parts of my body.

Mum says she will try and get a seating assessment for me through rehab physio people, but I don't have high hopes.

I am so frustrated. And sore. And angry.

[lexpressobean]

Shino was a good student and is also considered a good Shinobi in general, but it's because he was essentially Brainwashed to a greater extent than the rest of the Konoha 13, second only to Sai. And that's probably super obvious but Imma talk about it anyway, take a peak if you'd like lol

It's the same reason why Choji was originally one of the worst students and as he got older and more experienced, still wasn't up to speed like some of the others in general, allegedly. Shino and Choji both come from Noble Clans, and by the time they're both 17, have a great amount of skill in their own way. And sure, Asuma as a Sensei was noted to complain a lot about Choji, but I think its at least partly because Choji was not brainwashed by the school to a great enough extent. And his obviously loving parents and fellow Akimichi Clan Members certainly did not try to remedy that either. It doesn't show in his character like it does for Shino and the Aburame. Neji is considered a great Shinobi, even better than Shino by Rank. And he was RIGHTFULLY angry, but dude had such a warped sense of his own worth and existence due to his Dad being put to death because of the Situation, being a literal slave, and then finding out his Dad willingly chose to die instead of fighting for his life??? Neji was considered a Noble but he was treated cruelly and spiritually beaten down by his own family to become the Shinobi he was. School probably just gave him some desperately needed structure.

Like, Shino comes from an obviously powerful clan, yet even so, Shibi as the Head of that clan was powerless to keep Torune from being taken by Danzo. And Shino might have witnessed all of that as a young child, but he likely understood most of what happened very well. So how were Shibi and the rest of the Aburame Clan going to justify such a thing? The only way to explain it to Shino and keep him from looking for Torune and causing trouble along the way would be to make Shino think of Torune's selection and following abduction as a Good Thing. It was an Honor for Danzo to come to the Aburame, and Torune acted like a True Shinobi, a prime example of what it means to be Loyal to and Love the Village. And the fact that Shino was originally the one chosen to go doesn't mean Shino wasn't good enough in the end. This all just has to be kept as secret as possible, and Shino is already a student at the Academy. This is so that Enemy Ninja don't find out so easily. But they all know, and will always know. So Shino should not cry or fret. Shino is just as much Devoted to the Village as Torune, right? Torune wanted to do this, so Shono should not disparage his choices with tears and sadness...

... Framing it as an especially good thing would have to have been the only way to pacify an otherwise complely terrified and hugely upset Shino. And the only way to cope with what happened would be to believe it was a good thing, to believe all that bullshit everyone else told him. And Shino really would. It would always feel bad, and the trauma would still affect him in a variety of ways. The survivor's guilt. The feelings of inadequacy caused by Danzo's choice to reconsider Torune instead, which spared Shino instead of Torune. The new knowledge that some people in the village are so strong that just their words could make Shibi visibly panic. Knowing Danzo could always come back if he wanted to. But still, it's all worth it, because it was a Good Thing. Shino tries to, and really just has to actively deal with all that... at least until he gets older. And starts to use his developed critical thinking skills to question Konoha's inner workings and politics, especially after Naruto's supposed influence. He'd soon realize how fucked up it all really was with a clearer and more human and personal view on things. He might try talking to Shibi about it, but Shibi wouldn't give him the chance. Shibi doesn't want to even think about it. But at that point, Shino could easily piece together what a dilemma it really was for his father. There was no solution, only two bad options his father would have had to live with...

Torune wasn't loyal to the Village. He didn't love the Village. Torune was loyal to Shibi for treating him like a son, and he loved Shino like a little brother. That's why he did what he did...

Like... how is this shit still not properly explored in canon? Why set up such a situation, at the very end, only to ignore it completely anyway!? Why did we get these tidbits so late in the game when Shino was set up to just be a snooty and sometimes quite an unlikable guy in the series?

[thepeanutbutterwizard]

VT au

How is the morro situation handled considering... well... everything?

Good question!

So the Morro stuff in the past goes fairly similarly to cannon. He was a homeless kid that Wu found scavenging for food in the garbage cans outside of the Monastery. At that point, Wu hadn't fully succumbed to the Venom, but due to Misako and Garmadon recently becoming a couple he wasn't doing very well.

Morro, like Kai and Nya, is distantly descended from Wojira, and bc of that he's partly dragon. This subconsciously brings out some of Wu's draconic instincts to protect the abandoned hatchling, and leads to Morro trusting Wu almost immediately.

Like in cannon, Wu takes Morro in, and starts training him once he discovers Morro is the Elemental Master of Wind. And this actually starts to help Wu cope with the Venom better than anything had, like how in cannon the one thing Garmadon was able to hold on to when the Venom overwhelmed him was how much he loved Lloyd.

But, there's one big difference from cannon; Wu does everything he can to hide the Green Ninja Prophecy from Morro. He see's how strong Morro is at such a young age, and feels like he could possibly be the Green Ninja. But that would mean that Morro, whom Wu has come to see as his own child, is destined to fight and defeat Wu. He refuses to let that happen.

Unfortunately, Wu can't control everything.

Morro discovers the Prophecy on accident, and wonders if Wu has been training him to be the Green Ninja. But when he asks about it, it triggers an episode with the Venom; the first one he had since adopting Morro.

Wu loses it and terrifies Morro. He runs away, and blames himself. He doesn't know about the Venom, and thinks Wu got so upset bc Morro wasn't nearly good enough to be the Green Ninja and him even thinking he was a potential GN was an insult. So the boy figures if he can do something big and grand and impressive, he would prove to Wu that he isn't a waste of time and space.

Something like finding the Tomb of the First Spinjitzu Master.

Meanwhile, once Wu's Venom fueled episode dies down and he realizes what he just did, he is distraught. He searches for Morro, swallowing his anger and feelings of betrayal to ask Garmadon and Misako for help. But Morro is never found.

He still dies in the Caves of Despair, and his ghost is still stuck in the Cursed Realm.

Fast forward, and Morro gets out of the Curse Realm. Wu has been defeated, as has Chen, and Morro heads to the Museum to start his part of the Preeminent's plan to Curse all 16 Realms.

Which is where we get to the part where things can go a few different ways.

At this point, all of our main characters will have found out that Lloyd is the actual Green Ninja, not Kai. But that isn't publicly known; I haven't decided if the public definitely knows Kai isn't actually the GN, since everyone knows the truth about Wu now, but at the very least people suspect that Kai isn't actually the Prophesied Green Ninja.

((There's actually quite a few people who think Garmadon is the Green Ninja since he defeated Wu, but thats stuff for a different post))

Either way, Kai is still wearing the Green Gi and doing anything that can be considered 'Greed Ninja Duties'. He's not doing it bc he wants to hold onto the title though; Lloyd doesn't get hit with Tommorows Tea, so he's still only like, 11. After learning the truth, Kai kinda hates being the Green Ninja, but he'll chew off one of his own limbs before letting the Green Ninja Prophecy steal someone else's childhood.

So Kai gets possesed. And things quickly get messy.

Morro and Kai have a lot of similarities in cannon; in VT, those similarities get ramped up to 11. They see each others memories of being raised by Wu, and they both get angry. They also start to empathize with each other greatly, and where Kai ends and Morro starts gets blurred. They quickly get to the point where They throw the Preeminent's plan out the window in favor of a new plan.

Find Wu and make him pay for what he did to Them.

It's easy to brush off the other ghost's concerns; no-one knows what happened to the FSM's staff after Wu traded it out for the Mega Weapon except for Wu, so going after him is the easiest way forward.

Unfortunately for Them, Wu was briefly transformed into an Anacondrai with Chen and the rest of his followers, and his cell wasn't built to hold an Anacondrai, so he used the opportunity to escape from Kryptarium, and hasn't been seen since.

I haven't decided on if Morro sticks around as a member of the main cast after everything is over, and what the full consequences of him possessing Kai are. But he does get a full redemption arc, even if he won't survive it.

Sooo yeah.

My inbox is open to anymore questions!

[marshmallowprotection]

You know the whole thing about Saeran forgiving the people who hurt him and that includes his parents, people seemed so upset by that. But it’s like it’s so complex?

Like as someone with a mother who hit me a lot and was constantly tired in the past. I can’t find it in myself to hate her. I love that the choi twins differ that way. That Saeyoung makes it a point to say it doesn’t forgive them and he’s not shamed for it. But Saeran says he forgives them and isn’t shamed for it either. It’s just how the both of them chose to cope and move on. I find myself relating to Saeran bc of this.

There’s always shows and movies where an abusive parent to child relationship is shown and we see built up resentment which is valid. Those are all valid, hating the people who hurt you and even deciding to put them in a ✨retirement home✨ is valid. But I love my mom so much. We didn’t have a lot and she was disabled living off welfare and social security. And I was always a very sensitive kid. So she didn’t have patience for it or the burdens of life were crippling. She took that out on me as a result. I feel like parental relationships are so complex. I hold grudges against her obviously, a part of me is very angry because of what happened to me resulted. I can’t help but have so much love for her. And I think no one acknowledges that kind of complexity. I felt seen during Saeran’s AE. I never tell anyone this because I get upset if people tell me “wow your mom was a piece of shit” or “she’s a bad mom” like even if that’s technically true, don’t talk bad about my mom 😐 unless someone’s my family I don’t want anyone’s two cents on how I should feel about her.

I love that fact Saeran cried for her, and I found what he said so important. How yeah he was horribly and severely abused, but she’s his mom and after Saeyoung left, she was all he had. And since the difference between SE Saeran and GE Saeran being that one had the choice to escape Mint Eye the choice to seek his own freedom and happiness, the other was forcibly removed and then put in a hospital (even if it was for the best and Saeyoung was out of options). So I found it important that Saeran said regarding how she died, “I never wanted to lose her like that.”

He was never even given a choice to leave his abusive mom. She was just gone one day. They didn’t even find a body. I’m sure he felt lonely and empty, at that moment his mom disappeared without a trace just like Saeyoung did. And he never had the chance to even process his grief, bc for some people a loss is a loss.

I never wanna seem like those type of people who are like “oh but she’s your mother wym you hate her” every victim’s feelings towards those who hurt them are valid. But it never sat right with me that people passed judgment on Saeran for deciding to forgive her. Or saw it as bad writing. Felt hypocritical to me. Like there’s a right way to heal from abuse and Saeran did it “wrong”. It’s not like forgiveness means everything is all water under the bridge.

Basically, if you choose to forgive those that hurt you and that will help you heal? Good on you. If you choose to resent those that hurt you and that will help you heal? That’s just as good too.

I love the choi twins!

You hit the nail on the head. This is personal and circumstantial. As a victim of abuse, you are the only person that gets to decide how you handle your life and the complexities of whatever choice you make in regard to how you feel about your abuser. It's important you make an informed choice based on what you know about yourself.

If you need to talk to other people and spend days, months, years, etc, figuring out what to do? That's perfectly all right, but at the end of the day, you need to be the one that decides how you're going to handle your feelings about the person(s) who abused you. You are also not confined to the choice you make.

If something changes going forward and you feel differently, you are allowed to react that way. If you know you're never going to change your mind, that's also okay. You are the one that knows you the best. Do not let anybody detract from what you know deep inside your heart. There is no right or wrong way to handle this situation.

There is only the choice you make with what feels right for you. What's right for you may not be right for another person and that’s okay.

I don't think anybody should judge Saeran or Saeyoung. They decided what they wanted to do and everybody should respect that choice. It doesn't have to be the choice you make, but they did what was right for them. Frankly, I am so happy that the two of them got to decide what felt right.

There's a reason why you get a good ending by helping Saeran confront his father as opposed to letting Rika handle him. For him to be able to reach the best amount of peace, he needs to confront all of them and find forgiveness in his heart in some capacity. I've gone over the many kinds of forgiveness because there is no single type. He got what he needed. 

Anon, I hope you know you’re not wrong for doing what was right for you. I don't think you're naive and I don't think you're foolish. You know what's right for you and you know how to keep yourself safe. If you know in your heart that the complicated feelings you have are okay, that's all that matters.

When your abuser is a parent, of course, you feel complicated. Society teaches us that we are supposed to love our parents as much as they're supposed to love us. Many abusers had good days and bad days, and that makes it even more complicated for you to come to terms with the fact that they hurt you. Some had a black-and-white situation where their parents weren’t good all the time, and I hope they know they’re justified in feeling what they need to feel, too.

Instead of shaming people or making them feel bad for the decisions that they make to come to terms with what they suffered, we should all be supporting each other and respecting our personal choices. Just because somebody chooses to do something different than you doesn't mean that they're wrong in doing so. You are allowed to have your feelings and they are allowed to have theirs.

As long as you respect and care for each other as fellow survivors of abuse, that's what matters. 

I have my own feelings about the abuse I've suffered. I don't forgive. But, I've been allowed to make that choice and nobody makes me feel bad for it. Nobody should make people who choose to forgive feel ashamed of doing so, however. I find it admirable that there are people that can lighten the load on their hearts by choosing to find some form of forgiveness to find peace. Peace for me won't come through forgiveness. But I salute those that find it in their hearts.