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The Man You Need
Simon Ghost Riley x F!Reader
Tags!: 🔞NSFW. MDNI. unprotected p in v sex(wrap it in foil before you check her oil), dirty talk, creampie, PWP, Insomnia!reader, brief mention of misogyny, semi-public sex, shower sex, reader is also kinda bratty
(Ik y'all are only here for the porn that's why the plot dies quick lmao)
A big thank you to the 200 followers and counting 🫶🏻🩷
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"Y'look knackered, 'aven't been sleepin' enough?"
Simon's voice forces you to stop staring at the stale scones under the heat lamp, yanking you out of that day dream of falling face first into the breakfast line to get real sleep.
"Just the usual insomnia," you reminded. "What plans do you have today?" You asked, gatherthering the last of your breakfast.
His long strides effortlessly keeping up with your shorter ones. He towers over you as you both approach the table where you both sat normally.
"Just the usual, trainin' new recruits." He answers in the same manner as you, he sits down opposite you. He stretches his long legs out under the table, his calves brushing yours.
His eyes fixed on you like little bugs on your skin, taking in every detail of your face.
"'ow long has it been since y'last slept through a night?" He asks gruffly.
"Saturday." You answered.
His jaw clenches momentarily behind the thin fabric of his balaclava, and his shoulders stiffen.
"Y'mean to tell me its been three days an' you're still functioning?" He retorts, skepticism written on his face. He knows you, and he knows how bad your insomnia gets.
"Yeah. Doesn't help when we have to wake up early."
Ghost lets out a frustrated sigh, running a gloved hand over his face.
"You can't survive on 2 or 3 hours o' sleep a day. Y'know you're pushin' it too far. You're going to collapse soon if y'don't get your sleep under control."
He's always stern when he speaks, but with you it's like he's scolding you like a child who doesn't know any better.
You do know better; you've busted your ass to get where you are. You've had to deal with everything in the book to fight to where you are now in the military, and he knows that, he's been there the majority of the time and yet he nags you everyday about something.
"Well I'm trying, Si. Melatonin doesn't work and it gives me bad headaches." You mumbled irritably.
"Doesn't work, eh? An' I can see those bags under your eyes. Headaches too..." He rubs his chin as he looks at you, his eyes calculating. "What 'ave you tried so far, love? I've told you to keep me updated."
"The sleepy tea worked for a little bit, and then it didn't. I tried running before bed, no screen time, benadryl..."
Simon grunts and leans back in his chair, listening to you list all the things you've already tried and don't work, his frustration only seems to grow with this situation— or you?
"Bloody hell. You've tried everythin', 'aven't you? Nothin' seems to work, it's as if your body just won't shut down."
Sometimes this leads to the same thing over and over again, the 'you have to sleep' or, 'why do you do this to yourself?'. You just smile and nod, because yes, you can 100% control this.
"Well, sometimes another thing works, but it's just too much of a hassle." You shrugged, sipping some vitamin water.
Simon's brows furrow as he hears your muttered words. He leans forward, his gaze intense.
"What 'other things?'"
You sometimes keep things from him, and he won't let you get away with it this time. Or, there's the other times you are blunt, disgustingly blunt. You live with a bunch of men, who do not have a filter, that alone has killed yours out of existence.
You blink, fidgeting in place. "Ahem. Me time?"
He's not dense, he knows exactly what you mean and he's not one to back down from anything that usually makes normal people squeamish or "grossed out".
"An" 'ow is it 'too much o' a hassle exactly?" He asks, a slight raise in an eyebrow.
"My hand cramps." You rolled your eyes, it was obvious, who doesn't have that problem sometimes?
He crosses his arms over his broad chest with a humored look, your honesty can be either amusing or completely looked over.
"Your hand cramps, you say? Thas a hell o' a reason."
He chuckles softly, his eyes raking over you, taking in the sight before him. His gaze is heated. Your face can feel it, it's warm, it's like he's putting your face close to a bonfire with that look. For months you two do this... This thing that borders flirty and suggestive but at the same time it doesn't quite feel like either.
"Yeah. Thinking about going down to the store."
His eyes snap up, crossed arms going lose from his chest. He's not stupid; he knows what "going down to the store" means.
"You're talkin' about goin' to get one o' those things." His voice is low, but not quite harsh. He's almost hesitant to say it out loud, but he says it with so much disdain.
You deadpan. "A vibrator, Simon. A vibrator."
The tops of his cheeks flush red beneath his balaclava at your blunt response. You giggle a little, not expecting such a reaction from Lieutenant Ghost. What's the big deal? Did guys not talk about fleshlights? Brand recommendations?
He clears his throat before speaking, a little husky and quiet. No way, are you embarrassing him with girl stuff?
"Y-yeah. One o' those." He stutters, his usual confidence wavering. "Yes, thank you, love. I realize that. I just..." He trailed off, blinking a few times.
"Y'can't be serious. You're goin' to use a toy instead o' asking for help?"
It's like he can't believe you just said that out loud, in a busy mess hall no less. This is what it took? Talking about sex toys to make him awkward?
"Uhm...yeah? I less you have a boyfriend in your pocket waiting for me." you retort.
And yikes, he didn't seem to like that. His eyes squint, probably crinkle in his nose. He paused, leaning forward in his seat, his eyes studying your face closely.
"You don't seriously think y'need a toy instead o' just asking me, do you?"
Why does he sound hurt??
Your stomach does a backflip off your intestines and into a hot tub of oil. He did not just say that. You must be asleep, yes, you must be dreaming.
You giggled, "Good one."
Simon gives a low grumble, his jaw flexing and grinding. This apparently wasn't a laughing matter to him. Is he serious? Your tongue works over your teeth, trying your absolute hardest to be so cool, nonchalant, you don't care you don't care—
"'M not jokin', love. You don't honestly think that a toy would be better than the real thing, do you?"
Of course it's not fucking better. But what choices did you have? Sleep with one of your teammates and then get a dishonorable discharge? Make things awkward in your team?
"Oh... Considering it's illegal to have relationships, yes. A vibrator won't leave me, cheat on me, break my heart... It's perfect." You shrugged— it was for the best anyways.
He knew the rules just as much as you did. And he followed them religiously. What the hell is going on? Why would he just suggest that out of the blue?
"Y'think you'd be better off with a piece o' silicone than takin' the chance on me?"
You pinch your thigh under the table. Nope. You're still here in mess hall, in front of your now cold breakfast, and Simon is still trying to convince you to fuck him.
"Y'wouldn't be satisfied with that thing. You'd get bored, love..." He sounds so sure, and jealous when he speaks of the horrible, terrible, vibrator.
"How would you know?" You quired quickly.
Just to double check. Maybe the sleep deprivation was catching up.
"I know 'cause I know you. You'd get tired o' that thing eventually, you'd want somethin' real."
He paused for a moment, his eyes lidding, darkening, consuming.
"You'd want someone to touch you, love. Not some piece o' plastic an' silicone."
"Yeah, like I'd ever get that," you barked out a laugh out of sheer nerves.
He didn't like that anymore than your last dismissive reply, you may just be convinced about now. So, cue to you squeezing your thighs together in your seat. Acting completely normal. Because everything about this is so normal; your coworker just telling you to come to him for a good fuck to be able to sleep.
"What do y'mean by that? 'ow can you say that with a straight face? Y'don't think anyone would want to touch you? Let y'know 'ow loved you are?" He grumbled, his hands clenching on top of the table.
"Y'think you're so undesirable that nobody would want you? Bloody hell..." He shakes his head.
"Simon, take a look at me." You licked your lips to prevent a shout of frustration, yikes, you do need sleep.
Simon's eyes fly over your form, from head to toe. He took his time studying you, his eyes lingering over the curves of your body, the way your hair fell over your face. There isn't a damn thing wrong with the way you look.
"'M lookin' at ya, love. An' what I see is perfection. So tell me again... what's your damn point?"
Oh, good God. It's real. But this is better than you imagined; you want to make him work for it. All because it's hotter to get a man to work for something, get all riled up.
"What do you see? A cutesy little girly girl? A nice little housewife for a big strong man?" You asked sarcastically.
"I see a woman who's strong, capable, an' bloody beautiful." He glares, offended you'd even think about saying that, "You're not some dainty damsel in distress, you're a force to be reckoned with..."
"My point exactly. Men don't want a chick that's more man than them." You rolled your eyes at just mentioning the delicacy of fragile masculinity these days.
Simon grunted and rolled his eyes, his irritation building into something you might not want to poke at.
"Thas where you're wrong, love." He points his spoon at you. "Not all men are as narrow-minded as y'think. I know damn well I want a woman like you. Strong, feisty, sexy."
"My point, Simon! I don't want some fucking pussy, I want someone whose more man than me." You huff.
You're not entirely implying this trait about him... You just wanna see him work for it.
"You're not goin' to find that in a bloody toy, love. You're lookin' in the wrong place if y'think some plastic will make y'feel better. Y'want a man? You already 'ave a man."
He was right there, willing to give you what you needed. But how far will he go?
"Yeah but... I want something real, too." You tried to explain.
This flirting back and forth was something you enjoyed; but what would it mean in the long run?
"Exactly." He huffed a bit exasperated. "Y'want somethin' real. Somethin' I can give you."
He shifted in his seat, leaning closer to you, his eyes deep and intense.
"Y'don't need a toy, love. You 'ave me. 'M real, an' I want you. Don't settle for some piece o' plastic when y'know damn well what you really want."
Okay then, schizophrenic, game on.
"I want someone stronger than me, someone to give me a reason to act like a woman," You snorted.
You were infuriating at times.
"An' y'think I can't give ya that? Y'think I can't make y'feel like a woman? Like a fuckin' queen?" That retort comes out low, accusing. "I can definitely make y'feel like a woman. Y'don't need someone stronger than you, love. Y'just need me."
Nail on the head with that one; yet how far can you take it? You lean between your elbows, squeezing your tits together to make you look as enticing as possible.
"Do I?" You purr.
Simon freezes in time, his plastic spoon almost falling away from his thick fingers. His hand does scramble for it to his credit but he almost dumps his bowl in the process. You hear him clear his throat roughly, Adams apple bobbing at the hem of his mask before it disappears. You bite your lip with a challenging gaze, would he take it?
"Yes," He replied firmly to cover up his hesitation, "Y'need me, love. Y'just don't know it yet. I can make y'feel things no toy ever could. Think y'need a man t'make you feel like a woman? I can do that, an' I will happily."
You smirk, "You're gonna have to try harder than that,"
"Oh, I will, love. You're just askin' for a challenge, aren't you?"
"You afraid to take it?" You shot back slyly.
He was anything but afraid with that look. He was up for the challenge, and you know he's gonna prove it.
"Baby, 'm not afraid o' anythin' when it comes to you," he replied, his voice low and husky. "As long as you can take what I can give you."
He leaned forward in his seat, his eyes searing into yours. There was danger in his gaze, it only made it all the more delicious.
"Y'think you can 'andle me, love? Y'think you're ready for what I can do t'you?"
"Only if you can prove it." You grin.
Ghost let out a low growl, his eyes darkening at your challenging tone. He thrived on it, it only fueling his drive to prove himself to you.
"Oh, I'll prove it, love. I'll prove it again an' again until y'can't even think straight."
"No, no, prove you're more man than me." You corrected easily.
"Y'want to know why 'm more o' a man than you? I can make y'feel things you 'aven't even imagined before. I'll 'ave you beggin' f'me, addicted t'me."
"I'll be waiting, then." You set the challenge in stone. This was it.
The bear has been poked enough. He was on a mission now.
"You'll be beggin' f'me before the night's over." He boasts smoothly, a promise and a warning all in one.
"If I get a good night's sleep I'll consider keeping you,"
You were maddening, and he both loved and hated the way you pushed his buttons. It was all in good heart; for the most part.
"You're already keepin' me, love. Y'just don't know it yet."
You bite your lip, taking a quick survey of the area before replying. This was getting too good to be true.
"Don't disappoint then, we have..." You glance at your watch, humming, "six hours until lights out."
"Thas more than enough time." He grunts, all smug and cocky behind his mask.
Step one, getting recruit work out of the way. It's boring as fuck, mostly watching the Lieutenant scare the absolute piss out of the fresh meat.
Simon was barking orders left and right, ruthless to the soldiers in training. Almost as ruthless as the sun beating down on them.
You abandoned your spot in the shade, clip board in hand. You balance two water bottles on the wooden board as you approach to offer a beverage.
"Thanks," he grumbles, his eyes darting around to ensure no one witnessed the small gesture just like you.
He took the offered water, downing half the bottle in one go and adjusting his mask back in place. You drag your pin down the clip board to check off what's already done.
"Forty laps?"
"Forty laps."
Simon confirmed with a gruff nod, his gaze lingering on yours for a moment before turning back to the recruits. Despite the challenging heat, he refused to end the training drills early no matter how much you teased him about buying him a little extra on your toy run— Viagra.
You thought it was hilarious, him? Not so much.
"An' they better pick up the pace!" He barked, the deep baritone easily reaching the pirvates' ears.
You circle that box, "And the sixty pull ups?" You breathed a bored sigh.
Simon grunted in annoyance.
"Done."
He informed in a low grumble, his jaw working under the balaclava. It was an excessive amount, but many of the recruits wouldn't even make it halfway through. But he didn't care, he was in a mood. A horny one. When was the last time this guy got laid?
"Wasn't accepting any half-assed attempts, either."
"The rope climbing?" You tap your pen at the box.
Simon glances down at the list, eyeing the scribbles and doodles next to the ticked boxes.
"Done." He replies simply.
You could faintly hear the sound of the recruits groaning and grumbling in pain and exhaustion, you almost felt bad. It was minor flashbacks to your recruitment days, yet Simon didn't seem to have that same sympathy judging by the satisfaction in his eyes.
"Aaannnd... Combat." You hum, one last task left for training.
This was where things get interesting.
"Its last. Need to let 'em rest a bit first. Suppose they earned it."
"Generous," you comment blandly.
"Yeah, yeah. Just keep checkin' off the list. I wanna get these fuckin' recruits dismissed soon. 'M sick o' the heat."
The day dragged on painfully slowly. The heat was relentless until the rain would show up any minute, and he was more irritable than usual. Even the recruits seemed to notice his foul mood, giving him a wide berth whenever he was in their vicinity. You were starting to grow bored of his usual job of scaring the hell out of the recruits, (not so bored when sweat rolls down the thickness of his biceps and the bounce of his tits when he jogs up to the trainees to yell at them) and overall wondering when and how the fuck you're supposed to get laid at this point.
Finally, the training was over. The sun was starting to dip below the horizon, casting a warm orange glow over the compound. The recruits limped and hobbled their way to their assigned lodgings, exhausted and sore.
Simon, on the other hand, seemed like he had even more energy than usual. Despite the long, grueling day, he was somehow wired and restless. You should ask what energy drink he uses after you wrap this up. (Hint: it's the male drive to get some pussy).
As the recruits dispersed, one in particular caught your eye. He was the most arrogant and obnoxious of the bunch, strutting around like he owned the place. You and Simon had seen it countless times before, it got old fast.
"Arrogant little prick," Simon muttered irritably.
You tongue your cheek, "What? Threatened by him?"
It's a pointless taunt— Simon? Threatened? Gosh, it's so fun to get men worked up. Simon's eyes narrow at your comment, a grunt bursting out from him.
"Threatened? Me? Fuckin' hell, no." He grumbles offendedly. "I could take 'im apart within a minute. Can't stand the ones caught up in their own 'ead,"
You hum in agreement. You know for a fact you'd pay to see that one day, and Soap would be right behind you.
"You're lucky you're the most tolerable person 'ere," he adds goodnaturedly.
You backhand his shoulder lightly, "Oh, look, your best friend is coming over!"
And speak of the devil, the recruit struts over with that piece of shit arrogant smirk. Simon rolls his eyes in annoyance as he turns to face the strutting recruit.
"Great. Just what I need," The sarcasm is laid on thicker than the suspicious gravy served this morning at breakfast.
The recruit saunters over, his obnoxious confidence on full display. Simon clenches his jaw, trying to keep his temper in check.
"Sir... Do we have more extensive training available?" He asks slowly, his own ego taking a hold of his tongue.
Simon's eye twitches at the recruit's pompous tone. Extensive training, more like a request for special treatment to feed that ego.
"Extensive training?" He echos roughly, "F'you? Why?"
The recruit shrugs boredly, "I think your ways are a bit old fashioned, too easy,"
Easy, old fashioned? This cocky little bastard doesn't know the first thing about hard work. And he's about to serve himself his very own buffet of living hell from Simon. You distract yourself with the grass below your feet, taking everything you have to not laugh.
"Y'think we make things easy on you?" He sneers, taking a step closer to the recruit. "Y'think you're hot stuff, eh? Well, you're in for a rude awakening, rookie."
Your lips purse, frowning deeply to stop the smile.
"What makes y'think you deserve anythin' beyond the standard training regime, hmm? You 'aven't earned a fuckin' thing yet." He glares at the recruit, his eyes dark and intense behind his mask. "Y'get your fuckin' arse to the barracks. Your extensive training for the next month? You'll be cleanin' the bathrooms before lights out."
The recruit's smirk falters at Simon's orders. He's not used to being talked back to, much less being told what to do. But he tries to maintain his cocky attitude, not wanting to back down in front of you, maybe. Ugh, men.
"Bathroom duty? That's... a little degrading, isn't it?"
Simon chuckles darkly, his eyes dancing with amusement. This cocky bastard was really pushing his luck more than you were. You almost feel bad if it weren't so funny.
"Degrading?" he sneers. "Welcome to the military, rookie. It's not a goddamn country club. Y'think you can come 'ere, demand extra training, an' expect special treatment? This ain't a playground. You're 'ere to learn discipline, not stroke your ego."
You stifle a laugh behind your clipboard. This was too good, and all the more hot to see Simon angry.
Simon shoots a sidelong glance at you, even though he's supposed to be acting tough and intimidating, he seems to let himself crack through the lieutenant role around you.
The recruit, on the other hand, doesn't notice your amusement. He just looks sulkily at Simon, clearly not pleased with the prospect of bathroom duty.
Simon grabs the recruit roughly by the collar, the display of power and dominance making you jump in place. Simon's firm grip on the recruit's collar startles the cocky little punk, his eyes wide in surprise.
"See, this is your problem," Simon grits lowly. "Y'think you're untouchable. Y'think you're better than everyone else. But lemme tell you somethin', wanker... you're not."
The recruit stammers, eyes frozen with fear.
"Disobey your superior officer again an' I'll make sure your walls are covered in you."
He gives the recruit a rough shove, releasing his collar. The recruit stumbles back, shocked out of words.
"Consider that your final warning," Simon growls. "Now get your arse to the fuckin' barracks, rookie."
The recruit seems to shrink under Simon's intimidating aura, his cocky demeanor shattered and squashed to dust. He mumbles a half-hearted, "Yes, sir," before hurrying away.
You check your watch, "Well, today has been fun. It's too bad you only have three hours left."
Three hours left, you say? He hadn't even started yet. Because of training, of course.
"Three hours, huh?" He grumbles, eyes setting in determination. "Don't count me out yet, love. I can do a lot in three hours."
"Hurry it up, or in three hours I'll have a brand new shiny vibrator." You grin cheekily.
"You won't be needin' any damn vibrator if I 'ave anythin' to say 'bout it," he hisses. "I don't need any bloody gadgets to 'elp out."
He starts to stalk towards you, his eyes intense and focused. Your thighs squeeze together, pleased with your outcome.
"Three hours is more than enough time f'me to prove myself, love. An' you'll be beggin' before the clock strikes, guarantee ya that."
"Right," you drawl with a roll of your eyes.
He reaches up with a rough hand, grabbing your chin and lifting it so your eyes meet his.
"Y'think I can't prove myself in three hours, huh? That I need some bloody toy to 'elp me out? I promise you, love, you'll be singin' a different tune."
You giggle teasingly, biting your tongue through your smile.
"Tick tock, Simon." You singsong.
You were mocking him, challenging him, all for this purpose.
"You're playin' a dangerous game, love," he growls down at you, "Y'think you can tease an' walk away with that pretty lil smile on your face. But you're gonna find out real quick that I won't back down, even when you're being a cheeky lil minx."
You smirk dreamily, staring up at him with raw want. You kinda want him to do something extravagant, proving himself just because. When was the last time you had fun like this?
"You're pushing your luck, love," he grunts, his voice gruff with barely concealed desire. "If you keep lookin' at me like that, there ain't gonna be enough time to do everythin' I wanna do to you."
You pull from his hand, turning on your heel as you call over your shoulder,
"I'll be waiting, Si,"
You were taunting him, teasing him, with that sultry little comment and casual tone. You feel his eyes on your ass with each sway of your hips, that naked feeling let's you know he's undressing you with his eyes.
You whip out your phone to look at the time, alas, there's just no way what you want can happen. The rules, regulations, and the severe lack in privacy.
Shooting Captain a quick text for permission to leave base for an hour you head into the higher up showers for some much needed washing of the sweat collected on your body.
As you toss your towel on the bend, your phone buzzes.
'Permission granted. I'll let the team know you'll be out.'
Your heart drops to your ass as you frantically text back—
'Wait no that's not necessary!!!!!'
And then, to your horror, you get a ping in the group text.
Shit.
The team knows youre just going out, but Simon knows. Simon knows you're chickening out from the challenge.
"Fuck!" You hiss, frantically looking around the showers as if there were anything that could help you.
There's nothing. Not the gathered pubes in the moldy shower drain nobody uses, not the faded rusting lockers, not the dirty windows that nobody will ever be able to see out of no matter how much scrubbing
You're fucked.
But how fucked, do we wager? Does this mean Simon will get in his feelings and never talk to you again? Will he out you? (No, it wouldn't ever—) What if he gets revenge?... What kind of revenge?
As you stand there, panic setting in, a voice rings out from the entrance of the shower area.
"What 'appened to three hours?"
You squeak as the door slams, the deadbolt echoing through the room.
You are locked in the showers with Simon.
"What's with the sudden cold feet?" Simon grunts as he rounds the corner, closing the distance between you in slow, measured strides.
"I-I can explain—" you stammer, phone dropping on the bench next to your towel.
He stalks towards you, his steps slow and deliberate. There's a dangerous edge to his gaze that makes your heart beat even faster in your chest.
You're trapped, unable to back away, and he looms over you like a caged beast.
"Explain why you're runnin' away from the challenge you issued, love?" he drawls, stopping just a few feet away from you. "This I 'ave to 'ear."
He crosses his arms as he stands there, his eyes never leaving your face. You're in for it now, his expression seems to say.
You chuckle nervously, gesturing between the two of you, "I mean, realistically it can't ever happen—"
"Who says it can't?" He leans in, his voice dropping to a low, rough growl. "I don't care 'bout the damn regulations, love. That's not gonna stop me from 'aving you."
"Y-You are all about the rules, Si. You follow them to a T— You wouldnt—" you swallow thickly. What have you done to yourself this time.
"I usually follow the rules, yes," he concedes tauntingly, "An' right now, those rules are fuck all to me anymore."
Your tongue suddenly feels heavy in your mouth, "W-What about—"
Simon leans a forearm over your head and slouches down, his eyes darkened by lust and determination.
"What 'bout...?" he mocks, "Y'think I give a damn 'bout those old geezers with their rules right now? All I care 'bout is 'aving you, 'ere an' now."
Simon's free hand reaches up, his fingers lightly tracing your jawline. "I'll show you 'm fuckin' man enough to 'ave you."
While you are speechless, he adds for you to better understand. "It's just you an' me in 'ere."
"But—" you squeak.
Simon's hand moves quick to cup your chin, tilting your head up to meet his gaze.
"No," he growls, "We don't need to follow the rules in 'ere. We don't need anyone's permission. We could be loud, we could be rough. No one would ever know."
No one... Would know.
He leans in, his lips hovering just centimeters from your ear. "Just us in 'ere. You tellin' me you'd rather 'ave some stupid fuckin' toy over a man that can fill you up all night long?" His hand slides down to your throat, holding you tenderly but firmly, "Just say yes, love."
You whimper in delight, his eyes flickering down to your shifting thighs.
"Yeah," he purrs, his hand angling your head up against the wall. "Y'know you want it. Y'want me."
You want him more than sleep. You want him more than some real fucking food.
"Y'know you don't need anythin' else but me t' fuck you stupid."
"Yes," you moan.
Simon's eyes gleam with approval, his grip on your chin tightens slightly.
"That's good fuckin' girl," he growls.
He licks your neck through the mask, chest expanding with a deep inhale that crushes you to the wall.
"Say y'want me," he demands in a gravelly whisper.
What is thinking? Why would you have to think?
"Want you s'bad," you whine.
"Fuckin' right you do," he mutters.
His other hand drifts down, slowly tracing down your body until it lands on your waist, shoving you into the shower stall. For a moment, you thought you were going to get a little groping, made a knead here and there. But no, you're just standing like a dumbass in the empty shower stall.
"Strip." He growls.
Your skin erupts with gooseflesh in the bare shower shall, his gaze unwavering as he waits for his private show. He steps closer, his own clothes still on, thick arms folding over his chest.
"Slowly," he commands, "Show me what's gonna be mine."
You pinch the hem of your cargos, and then switch to your shirt.
What the hell do you even start with?
"Trousers first," Simon instructs roughly.
He stands there, still dressed, but his eyes devouring every inch of you as you slowly pop the button.
You slowly shimmy the waist band over the swell of each hip, pushing down to your ankles. Simon's breaths grow heavier as you flick the material off your feet his eyes transfixed on the movement.
"Thas it. Bra next," he commands, velvety smooth, "Nice n' slow. I want t'see all o' you."
Bra? Bra next? Why not your shirt?
You kick the cargos away, your shirt barely covering over your panties as you unclasp the bra through your shirt and maneuver it out from one of the sleeves to hold it in the tip of your finger.
Simon's eyes zero in on your pebbled nipples and pretty panties, the thin fabric doing little to hide your curves.
"Good girl," he purrs, "Now come 'ere."
You're... You're not even done. He motions with his fingers for you to approach him, his eyes dark with need.
"Do the thing," you manage out.
"The thing?" he grunts in an enticing voice, taking a step forward as you gesture to your mouth and nose.
He reaches up and pulls the mask to his nose, revealing his lips.
"Is this what y'want, love?" he asks, running his tongue across his bottom lip.
"Yeah," you breathe as you wet your lips.
Those would taste so good. You just know it.
"Y'want to see m' mouth, huh?" he asks, a smirk playing at the corners of those now revealed lips that show his canines, a chipped tooth, his lower face in general in its scarred glory, "Y'want to see what I can do, love?"
He closes the remaining space between you in a single stride, grabbing you by the back of the neck and yanking you forward.
His free hand grips your jaw, tilting your head up to meet his gaze, his eyes filled with dark hunger that makes your pussy pulse.
His mouth descends on yours, his lips claiming yours in a fiercely possessive kiss. You moan lowly, one of your arms circling his thick waist. He's burning up, hot and sweaty under his clothes that reek of his natural musk.
One of your curious hands ventures down, squeezing at his ass. He breaks the kiss with a surprised grunt, a coy smirk.
"Naughty, that," he huffs, "But I like it. My turn,"
The world before you lunges back, his mouth descending on your neck. He sucks and bites at the sensitive skin, his teeth leaving red marks in their wake.
His hands have a rough exploration, sliding down your skin, pausing just above the waistband of your panties to slide in to the globes of your ass. You stand in your tip toes to lean into him, whimpering at his rough gropes and kneading.
His mouth continues it's path down your neck, his teeth grazing the tops of your covered tits as his hands roughly squeeze and massage your perfect ass.
"Look at you," he growls, "Squirmin' an' I haven't even started."
He pushes your ass up, looking over your shoulder to watch it bounce. His hands slide lower, pulling the elastic of your panties down slightly, "Look at this," he murmurs, his breath hot against your ear. "You're fuckin' soaked through."
And he's right.
You squeeze your thighs, trying to rid that sticky mess thats unbearably uncomfortable. He tuts, delivering a slap to your ass.
"Tryin' to get yourself off, love?" he purrs, his fingers tracing along the edge of your panties.
You can't tell the difference between the onyx color from his pupils, you can hardly look at his eyes when his mouth is right there and his own tits are in your face. God, you want to nibble on those chapped lips, feel those fat biceps squeeze you as his hips snap on the backs of your thighs—
He backs you up, his hard cock pressing against you through his jeans, "Y'want it?"
"Yes!" You mewl.
"Thas what I like to 'ear, love," he husks, his fingers playing with the crotch of your panties. "Get that shirt off, wanna see those pretty tits finally."
You squirm, pulling your shirt up and off and throwing it somewhere that doesn't matter right now.
"Perfect," he rasps, his hand reaching up to cup your breast, "These are fuckin' nice,"
You arch, eyes rolling at the nice kneading to your sore flesh of being stuck in a bra all day. To your displeasure, freezing water sprays down your body and your uncomfortable groan bounces off the walls until the water warms up.
He's still fully dressed though, his clothes sticking to his muscular frame, accentuating every hard muscle and scar.
"Shower's a bit shitty," he says, his eyes raking your body. "But we don't 'ave to wait for that to get goin'."
Your panties have disappeared into his pocket, you follow the way his fingers shove it in— Your eyes divert to that large bulge behind the zipper.
"I know what y'want," he grunts, his hand moving to the belt and zipper.
Simon pulls down his zipper, the metal teeth parting revealing a black pair of boxers, which does little to hide the already impressive outline of his hard cock nudging up against the waist band.
He pushes his jeans down his thick thighs, his body still clothed in a tight black shirt and underwear drenched in water.
Your saliva glands burn at the sight of his happy trail plunging past the waist band, eyeing that nice size you only got a little feel of on your leg—
"Want a closer look?" he purrs, his hand slowly palming the base of his covered cock, precum bleeding out from the thin fabric on his thigh.
You make a face at him, your face burning with embarrassment
"What's the matter, love? You shy now?" he says with a smirk, his hand continuing to slowly palm and squeeze, "Y'were all full o' attitude today."
His head tilts mockingly, stroking himself for you, enticing you. Pinch yourself again, this might actually be a dream—
"Go on," he rasps, "Feel me."
You follow a trail of water down to his shirt clinging to his body, his drenched happy trail, and then the outline of his cock.
With one hand, you tug the waist band forward, clenching as he sucks in a breath that makes his abs tense.
He leans forward, his mouth hovering over your ear, "Go on," he husks, "Take it out, love."
He leans back, watching you intently, waiting for you to do as told. Maybe you do like to be told what to do in this context. With your other, you pull him free with your eager hand.
He moans, he fucking moans.
"Thas it, love," he husks out, his voice a little strangled. "Feel me up."
His hands rest on the wall behind you, caging you in. He hips rock into your hand, each stroke of your fist pulling the foreskin back.
"You're so big," you whimper.
Simon lets out a deep, gravelly groan as you speak. It just might be the hottest sound you've ever heard. Right next to the time he was lifting heavy dumbbells, letting all those grunts and growls loose.
He looks down at you, his gaze burning with lust and need, "You want it, baby?" he asks, his hips grinding against your hand harder, "Want this big dick?"
"Want it so bad, Si," you mumbled against his lips, your tongue darting out to lick his teeth.
his mouth claiming yours in a rough, passionate kiss. His tongue immediately tangles with yours, his teeth biting and tugging at your lower lip.
"I know you do," he grunts, his tongue slipping past your lips to slide against yours before speaking again, "You've been eye-fucking me all afternoon, love."
His hands start to wander along your body, mapping your curves with rough caresses,
"You're gonna get it," he husks.
One of his hands moves down to your hip as he moves lower, his mouth following the curve of your throat, leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses and bites.
"Want m'cock in that pretty pussy? Or your mouth?"
Where do you fucking think, smart guy?
"In me, inside me, please," you mewl.
His massive paws squeeze your hips to spin you around, planting your hands against the wall.
"Bend over," he growls, his eyes roaming over your body, "'M gonna give you what y'want."
His hands on your hips start to maneuver your body, making you arch your back and hips out.
He runs a hand up your spine, "So pretty," he murmurs as he takes in the sight of your body bent and on display for him.
He steps up behind you, his body flush against your back, his clothes still fucking on and wet and sticking to your body.
"Gonna fill ya up nice n' good," he sucks on his teeth with a low growl, "Been thinkin' o' me all day 'aven't you?"
His hips rock against your ass slowly, his bare cock rubbing on your supple skin.
His hands massage your ass, kneading and squeezing the flesh as you lean on your forearms, moaning as the blunt head notches to your dripping slit.
"Want m'hands all over you," Simon growls against your flesh, his rough palms skimming over your curves, "Mm, relax, yeah? Nice n' easy— Yeah, thas a good girl,"
His hips do a slow, deliberate grind, rocking into you to make room for him as he moves his lips along the curve of your shoulder.
There's slow shallow thrusts, working you open until he takes a deep stroke down to the base. Fuck, he's thick all over, heavy even inside your walls. If you had the brain power, you'd reach below and hold his balls.
"You're so damn gorgeous," he husks darkly, his breath hot against your skin, "I wanted this since I first saw you."
He's so intense he's burning a hole through you with his gaze, his hands still exploring your body, worshiping every curve, every dip, every inch of you.
His hands slide down to the front of your thighs, coaxing your legs further apart, opening you up for him.
"I knew I wanted you the moment you walked in," he breathes, "I knew you'd feel amazing under my hands."
Your cheek presses into the shower wall with a strangled moan,
"S'deep,"
Simon growls at your moan and pushes into you with more force, his hands squeezing your ass to yank you back, spearing you over and over on his cock.
"Fuckin' knew you'd feel s'tight an' good,"
His hand presses on your lower tummy, mouth hot and panting against your shoulder blade. He grabs the back of your hand, his fingers threading through yours and pressing it against the wall.
"Take it, take—this—cock,"
You choke out a moan, slumping against the wall, "please, so close, so close—"
"You gonna come f'me, huh?" he asks, his voice raw and breathless.
It's a lovely sound on him.
"Yes, please, wanna come, haven't came this fast before—" you beg.
He lets out a ragged, possessive growl at your words, his hips piston roughly against your ass, full balls swinging on your clit over and over.
"Come on, pet," he snarls, deft fingers twirling tight circles around your clit.
You whimper loudly, hands sliding down the slick shower walls, hips straining for him as you come hard with a broken mewl.
"That's it, fuck—"
He breaks off in a gutteral moan, hips stilling as he spills inside you. Simon catches you as your legs buckle out from under you, scooping you up against his chest to lean you back against the wall.
You don't even know what just happened in the span of 5 minutes. He's panting hard, his heart pounding against your back.
"Fuck," he growls, burying his face in the crook of your neck, "Fuckin' perfect, love,"
You smile lazily back at him, pawing at his shoulders to pull him in a soft languid kiss, his lips claiming yours in soft, sweet caresses. He melts against your touch, the fierce need from earlier receding now that you're sated. He returns your lazy kiss, his hands gently roaming up and down your back.
"Bloody hell," he mutters against your lips, "Fuckin' perfect, woman." He nips at your neck, "'M not done yet."
Looks like he is the cure to your sleeping problem.
#Idk what this is#go easy on me#i deleted this like 4 times and im somewhat happy with this one#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#simon riley#call of duty#cod mw2#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost riley cod#simon ghost riley x you
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painting test with a limited color palette
here's the moon equivalent!
#my art#daycare attendant#dca fandom#hm... no character tags. guess!#really put off posting this since i had no clue what to write for the image id... but it turned out to be fairly easy. sorry if its bad tho#i've been having a falling out with this series recently#its hard for me to like it these days. like theres still a lingering bit of affection for it#but i cant help but wonder if its time to move on from it. hm#i know im probably talking about it in a weird way but... its always been mentally distressing to leave my interests behind!!#sigh.. i know this blog is fairly ''big'' but idk if i'd be missing out on much by leaving. considering how isolated i am from the communit#and also how much i tend to dislike the majority of the community too. hm#eh who knows... we'll see
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Headcanon #500:
Mind is afraid that when he distances himself from or above the others, that he will be too far gone to come back down. That when his paranoia gets the best of him, he'll shut everyone else out and then be completely alone with no way back to where he was before.
Heart is afraid that if Mind is right, with the idea that what he does isn't genuine, that he's being manipulative without realizing it. Then therefore being Whole without himself there is the better option. That he'd be thrown out because his ideas would then be "not worth it" or even "vile"
Soul is afraid that no matter what he does or how good things will be, they'll always eventually split up again or even end up worse. Even then he has no clue what he's supposed to do or be during everything, and so because of that he'll never be whole. Or worse that he'll never really "feel" whole.
#kiiiiiiiinda just saying what is a bit talked about in the album but eh#i like this#fun fact: i made this & saved it as a draft back when it was just barley over 100#finally being posted at 500#wanting to post my own at each hundred mark cos why not#i say that but there's only one more submission in the queue atm soooo#send me your headcanons now to make my own ideas for special occasions get it like special hahaha [please send more i only have so many]#[idk what to do after I run out help]#haha anyway#next are my old tags from when i first made this post#cj soul#cj mind#cj heart#chonny jash#wow did KJ just attempt to make an angst headcanon? never thought that would happen#anyways idk how much this makes sense but eh it works#if theres anything to get from this or how my ideas with them work#mind can be overly paranoid. heart can be too protective of himself. and those idea make them believe the other has it out for them#soul has no idea how to really deal with that let alone what he's supposed to be#or something along those lines#idk its 5am man idk what im talking about#i need to go to bed pfft#chonnys charming chaos compendium
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So I decided to spin the wheel by @onefey since I saw so many mutuals getting really cute PMD Teams.
Meet hero Lucky (Girafarig) and partner Biggs (Wimpod). Never in my life have I considered a Girafarig as my potential PMD-sona but here we are despite it all. Even though I was skeptical at first I am now in permanent love.
Gotta think of an Exploration Team name now... hm.
#tagging you per request onefey#what a fun little thing you did thanks for giving me an excuse to doodle#i'm enlightened now i'm a changed person#i've always been kinda “eh” about girafarig especially the shiny but now i think i might genuinely love them#also i'm very average height so the idea of evolving into something tall like farigiraf is hilarious to me#and wimpod... my beloved#i could not have gotten a better partner i love golisopod so much#to all my mutuals out there... if you're reading this i am alive but only barely#i have not forgotten you guys and i think about you daily despite disappearing off the face of the earth#been pushing myself to try and be online again but things have been rough#to anyone that has sent me discord messages that i haven't replied too--#--i promise i read them and they made me smile#i'll try to talk to you guys soon! <3
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Make you vile, Make you a spectacle.
They need to calm down from hitting each other with pipes
#bart#limbus company#ishmael limbus company#ishmael lcb#ahab limbus company#Ahab lcb#i think about ahab more than i let on and thats all y'all will know#the prequod is a sort of...idk podium to stand upon and confess yourself to your fullest onto#it talks a lot about faith and keeping it despite the depths but the second you falter the second you step out of the self assumed light#you'll get straight up swallowed whole#idk herman wrote some wild shit in there and some folks know i do backflips just to avoid Christianity#obviously the white whale is a sort of trial by mockery of faith but like idkkk#WHATEVER BACK TO CAPTOTE (did not spell that correctly) ishmael and how violently horrid it is with ahab#that ego is a sort of play on ishmael taking everything just to guide the others out of the pit they find themselves in#she bloodies herself and makes her flesh unrecognizable to the most keen of eyes just to find a way through#to put a blind bull through the thing that denounces other authorities and claims it is above all#ahab is that sort of red that ishmael endlessly chases after like a wheel#no matter how many harpoons are buried deep in ishmaels flesh she will still move forward if not die with a hand reaching in front#eh im not gonna explain too much in the tags because I'm ill
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i think i've drawn lankmann a few times. just a couple
#silverware's art#lankmann#pastra#pastraspec#he's just waay too fun to draw for some reason#i didn't wanna do the weird glitching he has when he talks#idk why. but i organized them from least creepy (to me) - most creepy (yet again. to me)#the one where i wrote “i'm back around” is actually a song lyric-#can't hold me down by genichris. specifically. a song actually made about lankmann that is very catchy. by the way.#many wouldn't be too impressed to know that pretty much everything in my computer has some relevance to Lankmann-#some of my friends would defiantly use that against me but hey. they might not read the tags#eh it's alright. he's an interesting character#also. IT'S SO WEIRD KNOWING HE'S ONLY 5'5"-#I'M TALLER THAN HIM#by less than 2 inches. but i'm still taller#this has been sitting in my drafts for over a day so i might aswell post it ig
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More sketchy employee profile images. Mostly made to be able to replace the picrew I had in the template I made since I can draw. I did end up just putting it as back and white though but the color is just nice to have. I'm STILL trying to tweak the template since it is very finicky and there is an example of what it looks down below if you're interested. It is a lot. It will happen. I am just not the quickest
There are typos and inconsistencies I missed but in general it should be fine...
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp agent#lobotomy corp oc#I ALMOST POSTED THIS WITH NO TAGS dude. dude. that or they got eaten which is also a high possibility#a bit lengthy with a lot of text qs well if it is decided to be looked upon. as said before it full of maybe inconsistencies and typos#the reason i keep stalling making it public is because its in GOOGLE DOCS. GOOGLE DOCS!!! and unoptimized for phone viewing so ahh... eh...#there was going to be a later part for notes but it would be around the later days so... cant reallt happen#mostly after cheseds core suppression due to ryn and him having contradictory views up to that point. ryn putting way too much effort into#their job while at that point chesed kind of gave up in a way. not going to ramble too muhc abt that its oc things but the dynamic of that#was something i wanted to talk about a bit.. that and the death of angelina but that happens LATE and near the final days#and communication is down with the rest#i wanted to make more boxes and categories but also for the ease of use i limited it. that and attempting to fit them into pages seemed lik#hell. honestly. eekk!! not up for that. included both for the sake of showcasing. i didnt finish the last ones which was going to be a#showing of an employee with not as many permissions due to ryn and angelina actually both being captains. will do that when i do showcase#and give out the actual template along with other things like images for 'transfer' like another branch#'dismissed' 'resigned' 'deceased' 'mia' which would be for things like backwards clock and wellcheers#there was so much math needed.... it was just adding and checking numbers for a timeline but still..... ew..... that and employee team shit#tried to have it somewhat believable a bit. kind of semi believable to go yeah this could be smthn that is in the corp#employee numbers were based off red shoes entry!! it had been different before but i read it in game since i got it and was like. OHH wait#.... i feel rather embarrassed to post this actually. excited but also embarrassed. likely the idea of showing something i ended up#putting hours into . its probably that. plus the fact its for original creations.... i hope itll be of use some day
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The world always needs more Thrawn angst. As in angst to other people caused by Thrawn. Hurt no comfort everybody dies. I wanna see him at his worst
#trying to write my own angst fic but i have so many ideas#like concepts for a trilogy of fics#and its kinda driving me nutty bc i have not posted much fanfic i have not written much fanfic#and ik people will not like my fanfic bc its angsty#so its kinda like. whats the point yaknow#no one wants to read a fic whete terrible things happen to good people🙏no one except me bc im weird#ah i love this character can i read about their torture?#thrawn works as a good antagonist in these ideas too its great#hmmm should i put this in the tags#eh sure whatever#star wars#grand admiral thrawn#angst#<just in case#btw if anyone seeing this wants to talk about angst puleaaasee contact me#THIS man has no written triggers and wants to hear the most awful ideas ever#images are a different story but in text im all game
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I'm bored and can't sleep because of cramps so I decided to mess around with an incorrect quotes generator using the latest OCs @katkastrofa and I created that I unfortunately cannot talk about in detail here because I'd get nerfed in an instant:
#idk how in character most of these are since we don't have too good a grasp on their personalities yet#they've literally existed for a day#but I tried my best and think most of them are rather fitting#the last one is easily my favourite lmao#you know. considering what this blog used to be five years ago...#does this count as going back to my roots?#(say it with me now. silt and murk giving birth to something beautiful)#(that being my friendship with kat <3)#'but nia you and kat already have 29 OCs of your own creation. 31 if you count the adopted ones and 34 if you count Midori's unnamed kids!'#'maybe you should slow your roll a little?? you're on track to having created 20 OCs this year alone and it's not even September!'#'most of them are never even gonna feature in a fic or anything but the convos you and kat have! why bother?'#because I'm mentally ill and my life is falling apart and the only thing that helps me function is what kat and I have#the multiverse of madness included#also I have chronic 'I'm gonna spin these little guys in my head for hours >:)' disease#and there's no cure#hope this helps :)#lmao idk what to talk about in these tags since idk how much I'm allowed to say#both because of the ban and because I'm not 18 yet#idk how much difference a month actually makes but eh. those rules aren't up to me unfortunately#it's 5 a.m I should go to bed#I need to get my sleep schedule at least semi normal before Monday#:(
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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Hello! I hope you’re having a good day!
What do you think about the new Zelda game that was announced? (echoes of wisdom)
P.S. idk if this question has already been asked or if you posted about it already so I apologize in advanced.
Hi! I hope your day's going well, too!
I don't think I really have any strong feelings about Echoes of Wisdom right now, honestly. I didn't really feel much when I saw it announced, mostly just feeling glad for the people who are excited; I'm glad that people are finally getting a proper playable Zelda, and I've decided to withdraw/keep quiet about my my cynical opinions about it since it's not out yet, and people do really seem excited about it. I think totk just really wore me out, so I'm not totally optimistic about what we'll get. But I'm hoping that it's good, and that the people really excited for it have a good time with it when it comes out!
I'm not the biggest fan of that art style, honestly, and I'm not the biggest fan of make-your-own-solution type puzzles, and the controls look like they're going to be really clunky to me, just looking at what the trailer shows.
Either way, I'm likely going to end up playing it anyways, since I did tell my mom about it, and she's pretty excited! At the end of the day, I at least hope she enjoys it, so despite my own feelings I am just hoping that it's good and that people like it.
#asks#zeldanamikaze#salty talks#sorry this took so long!#loz#legend of zelda#tagging this as i go- waiting to finished before deciding to tag the game in case this ends up negative yknow#probably not tagging the game ive decided#ig im just. idk cautious? totk killed my trust yknow so im just feeling a bit negative abt it so istg if it comes out and its bad or#has a lot of problems then nintendo i stg. make the first game with playable zelda a banger do not drag the wilds era problems into this#this sat finished in drafts for too long i thought i had more to add but i really dont i just dont really think about it much#the art for it's been cute. but otherwise its eh in my mind. mostly just i hope its good for the people excited abt it#also dw abt sending asks i mightve gotten before it never happened so far and i think if i did id maybe still jsut answer both#i like getting asks#i think rn with loz the games are kind still a lil clouded by totk and im too happy with my aus and my bellum x linebeck fic#so ive just been hanging out in my little niche
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so idk how to explain when I think someone is good looking
because it's a rare occurrence and like I just agree that they look good, that have some charm but that's that
I don't actually want to pursue anything with them or be sad if they have a partner or think about them after that or smth, idk what people actually do or think when they see someone attractive ??? (I've seen people try to give them their contact info and I'm like what but you don't know them ???)
that being said, I had never seen Bruno Mars before but that man is (was?) good looking
pretty wild because when i notice it's about women not men
but I was watching some videos and I'm like ??? how ??????
#Regina Spektor is beautiful too and i want to print the cover of the single Fidelity#but idk just that haha#ive seen girls that are so cute and their attitude#but just that#i don't actually understand when people are like oh my god look at the person and I'm like ok i guess#but like with men is way harder#a lot of times i just think i gueeeess they're good looking? idk man I'm just vibing#this is funny because I only know locked out of heaven hahaha no other song bt i love it i don't care if it talks about sex#it's not annoying and i love the the bridge? idk about music terminology#who else id attractive? idk a sweet girl i met years ago she was playful and cute (and later i learned she was a lesbian lol) but eh#*is#and some random women I've seen that I'm like oh she looks cool#wait fuck is this a “i want to be with her or i want to be her?”? lol#it's too complicated so ehh#also it's not relevant because i prefer a really close friend bestest friend like soul mate as partner but like#the *implications* fuck#how that one post said#i don't want a relationship like that but also more than friendship like the one friendship advanced but that's romance but#but not too much please but also don't leave but i don't want sex things but ok intimacy ok but not too much but but but#fuck it#why is everything so hard#hi people reading my notes usually they compose more than the actual post lol i like to ramble haha#*tags not notes
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if i was a minor and i saw someone ripping a bong and DYING i don’t think i woukd do it
that one was more of a joke haha...
#i needed to fill that corner#anon#answered#also I think it's more about the environment of this blog ig#i dont want to normalize people talking about bongs and weed to me cause I'm personally kinda weird about it#not that you can't I just don't particularly like it#not that I'm scolding the anon#cause it's been funny so far#i just don't want things to go to far#eh I can alway just delete asks if it becomes too much#eh don't change your actions because of these tags it's just my thoughts#I'm an adult I can deal with it
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A H PROMO TIME
Logically I know we probably won't see much/any of Carlos next week because recovery is too important to just be like one scene but still I can hope lol
I mean to just see a bit of it xD maybe TK will mention it though (I swear he better)
Anyway lol
Ooh hi Judd :D
XD I don't think we saw him at all today
I'll excuse it bc. yk. obviously XD, but I miss my boy <333
Oooh a fire okay okay 👀👀😬
Dang we focusing so much on this fire I'm thinking we won't get anything else xD
Rip to my Carlos hopes lol but also what about the rest of the episode xD
OPE Marjan 👀👀?
Ooohh noo
Ahh afraid of messing it up yeah o.o
Maybe because of scrutiny be that public or peer/employers 👀?
A A A A H H H H H H H WAIT WHAT RESIGNING?????!!?!!?
HOLD UP NOW
YOU CAN'T JUST THROW THAT AT ME WHAT THE H E C K
NOOOO NO NO NO NO NO YOU CAN'T DO THIS MARJAN
I mean she can but 😭 xD
AAAHHHHHH AND SOMEBODY RIDING AWAY
A H
N O
WHAT THE HECK
xDD
That's the last of my last thoughts. Now it's time for the. . .
REVIEW
A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H
Y'AAAALLLLLLLLLLL
THIS. EPISODE. WAS SO AMAZING 😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰❤️
Okay okay xdd I got this y'all lol.
I absolutely loved loved LOVED this episode :DDDD. Dude, the ANGST 😭😭❤️❤️❤️👀!!! The drama, the searching, the referring to people as fiance 🥰🥰 (what I just love it okay xD), even Owen's storyline!! Especially the shortness of it XDD - no offense Owen. But I mean, we definitely got way more of the other one, as we should lol. I am glad there was another plot though, just because it would feel a little weird having an entire episode pretty much just following TK around. That makes it sound casual but yk xD. Also, it gives us time to stress lol, and makes it feel like more time has passed. Basically I just think it was needed for the flow :). Plus at least if Owen had to be not being there for his son, he wasn't stealing the spotlight XD. Anyway lol, absolutely amazing episode, just, stellar 😍😍.
WGHOOO holy crap xd
Y'all I am literally unsteady of my feet
Gasping shock from the promo and everything else and also just gasping in ~drama~ and like a billion things and all the feelings at once lol. I am not okay xdd.
But seriously for quite a while while (yes that's on purpose) I was catching up on my liveblogging I was like having shortness of breath man xD I was literally losing it lol
I still am but I'm gonna work on this for a little bit and then go eat dinner and take a break lol xdd. I do want to get it all done now but my hands and my brain (from having to word so much, and I don't mean that in a grammatically correct way, I just mean words man xD) are tired lol. Like I'm not out of words quite but I just feel like taking a break lol, since I was freaking out the whole time, during the episode (and typing for most of it), and I've been catching up for the past hour lol. So that's two hours of freaking out, trying to get everything, and stressing lol xD. So, I'mma do some of this (I actually already did and came back to add that I was unsteady since I meant to lol, I decided to say it here when it happened xD), and then come back later lol. I just need to destress for a bit I think, no matter how much I'd love to finish it now while my feelings are fresh XD. I need energy for the rest of the things I have to do tonight lol. But, I will be coming back :).
Now, onto the individual parts lol.
So xD. I think I'm just gonna do like, the 126, Grace, Owen (including O'Brien), and then of course Tarlos ft. Gabriel XDD. Alright, let's get into it lol.
The 126!! My babeys 🥰🥰🥰🥰. I loved them so much :'DDD. We didn't get to see much of them, but at least we got that entire scene with TK in the beginning 🥰🥰🥰. We got to see their siblingism lol, in the teasing aspect of that xD, but we also saw them supporting TK, which was really nice :'DD. Even a splash of Nanteo, lol xD! Plus of course Nancy and TK siblingism specifically 🥰🥰🥰. Anyway, we didn't see much of them, and I do miss them, but I loved this storyline (including in the past few episodes) so I'll allow it lol <333. And continuing on, despite the fact that we didn't see them much this episode, they were amazing :DD. I love them all with my whole heart 🥰🥰🥰. Oh and Judd I miss you 😭😭😭❤️🥰 XD. Luckily he will be coming back to us next week lol <333. Anyway, in short, I love them <3333.
Grace!! We love our girl 🥰🥰. She was amazing finding all the stuff on Carlos :D. Especially considering it was illegal xD. At first at least, but I assume it was still illegal later lol. Anyway, she was awesome as always 🥰🥰. Plus her comforting TK 😭😭❤️🥰 >>>. Like, that little "I'm sorry baby" or something similar 😭🥺❤️. Ik that's something she says, "baby" I mean, but it just :'))) she loves him your honor <333. Anyway yeah, her 😭😭🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️😍❤️. I love her <3333.
Owen! Owennn. My mannn. SIR. ANSWER YOUR PHONE WHEN YOUR SON CALLS!!! Okay like I know he was dealing with terrorism and the FBI and everything and I get that, and genuinely it is a good excuse lol, but I'm still mad xD. Still, it'll make for angst down the line :D. Anyway, besides that lol, I did actually really enjoy Owen's storyline today :)). I mentioned to someone earlier today how I was laughing a lot last week despite it being about a kidnapping, but that I'd probably be laughing less at this one (and that it was also a kidnapping lol). And I mean, I was, but I was still laughing lol xD. Besides panicked laughing basically at myself lol. Mostly going "I'M FINE :))))" with a bit of laughing xD. But my point is lol, Owen's storyline provided some laughs XD. Bc I mean, he provides some great jokes xD. Also, while I was definitely way more exciting for the other storyline's scenes, I still enjoyed Owen's :). Like I said earlier, it was necessary for the flow.
Anyway, YESS! I'm glad O'Brien isn't actually one of them - I don't think they'll pull another twist on us, so I think it'll stay this way lol. And even though it was funny sometimes, I'm glad we're done with the under-coverness. In and out and in and out - it's just simpler now. Now, I genuinely thought (or maybe I just hoped, but I think I thought lol) that they would be suspecting O'Brien and not Owen, but then that guy kept on talking lol. And honestly, c'mon Owen, the one time you don't wanna fight? But nah xD, it was the smart thing to do lol. I'm also glad that we're (or Owen is at least) getting along a bit better with O'Brien. It's not like we (why am I saying we lol) were necessarily on bad terms, but Owen and him were finding things in common, and honestly they've kinda been through it xD. I think he'll be useful in the future :). And I really do hope they find his nephew - and that he's not the bomb maker. But I wouldn't exactly be surprised if he is, you know? I mean, maybe I will be in the heat of the moment, depending on how much it was hinted at, but still. It would suck (like :( not >:/), but it would be interesting 👀.
Anyway, I'm a bit dreading the storyline of that person targeting Owen because of Owen being the center of attention, but also, I'm excited for it :). Especially since, even if they're not directly targeted for being related (not literally in all except TK's case) to Owen, the others will be affected by it too :). I'm assuming that's where the clip we've seen in promos of Owen warning people comes from, that whole plotline coming up. But, anyway, I'm excited :). And yes, these paragraphs are kind of short, because I ain't interested in having a repeat of last week lol. Anyway, lastly, I am glad Owen answered the first time TK called, and he did resist the FBI for a minute to talk to him a bit longer :). It still sucks he had to rush off, but I'm glad he was at least there for TK a little bit <3. I'm totally (as long as I have the motivation, and who knows if I'll finish it but I will definitely try lol) writing a fic about him listening to messages TK left him and losing it (not totally). Well, let's say being distressed lol. Anyway, despite all I've said about Owen here lol, I loved him <33.
Now. Finally :). TK and Carlos. A A A H H H H H H H H H H H!!! 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰😍😍💔💔❤️❤️❤️😭😭❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️. Okay, I'm good lol. Kind of xD. Anyway, I'll try and at least make this longer than Owen's - on principle lol -, but I don't have quite as much to say since I said a lot more about Tarlos in the moment than I did Owen lol. I'm trying to make my reviews a little shorter by not including quite so much of what I said in the liveblogs, more of my thoughts that I didn't put down (usually the more thought out ones lol), so it's a little easier for me to do them :). Motivation just be that way sometimes lol! Anyway :D. My boyyssss 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰. But also. My boyyssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. XD. Anyway, I thought they were AMAZING this episode. And, just a quick note - UGH, the ACTING!!!!! SO. AMAZING. Thank you Ronen and Rafa 😭😭❤️ :) :D.
Anyway, this episode was DEFINITELY an angsty one - obviously - but it was so, so good :D. For them, I mean - it was in general but this ain't about that right now lol. Seeing all their emotions, really strong ones obviously, was just heartbreaking 😭. And, I was only just thinking about this, but they kind of paralleled each other. Obviously they're having similar feelings (like fear lol), but in different ways, because of their different sides of the equation. Plus, we haven't seen TK's anger in a while - besides the slight anger/the frustration with Iris -, and it was fuuun :DDD >:)). Anyway, just seeing how TK's emotions redirected into the anger, and Carlos's were forced to go into logical thinking. It was rough 😭. And also, that scene of Carlos seeing TK on the doorbell monitor? Wow, why don't you break my heart with a hammer already :'). Or that meat tenderizer Trudie used to smash carlos's phone :'D. Anyway XD.
TK obviously went through it this episode, but I mean. Carlos is the main focus of going through it here XD. They were both suffering and I'm totally vibing with the double angst but right now let's talk about Carlos since he was literally kidnapped, drugged, and almost killed lol. Also during the liveblog I was mostly just screaming, so I'm gonna differentiate some of my emotions here XD. Now, when Carlos was quiet (not quite submissive) or drugged it was awful, but whenever he was fighting back it was just viscerally uncomfortable. In a really good acting and such kinda way lol. Especially earlier on in the episode - by the time we was fighting Darryl at the end I was consumed even more by other things, one of which being "YES YES YES GOOOO CARLOS, SLAYYYY GO OFF, BEAT HIM!!!!" XD. But anyway, the entire time it was just so heartbreaking 😭😭❤️💔🥺. And Carlos saying that Gwyn's love passed through him because he had no idea how he could love TK that much? I just. Wow. I think he'd probably actually thought that before lol, not just coming up with it for Trudie's benefit, but even if he did, DANG. That is some powerful stuff xdd 😭😭. Also heartwrenching and heartwarming lol xD. Just emotional in general.
And now some on TK! Then a bit of Tarlos and then some less emotional plot stuff lol. Anyway, ANGRY TKKKK :DDD!! XDD But besides that, seeing the subtleties in his fear - the constant bouncing, the way he always looked like he was about to cry. Just, UGH 😭😭😭, so good. And I'm sure this experience will definitely mess him up - don't even get me started on how much this'll have traumatized Carlos - xd. Honestly if we don't get a lot of it in canon, I'm excited for the fics that explore Carlos and TK's trauma from this more :). Probably more stuff of dealing with it/having it brought or rise up than deep dives but those too lol. Even if we get a lot in canon xD. Anyway, lol. It was just heartbreaking to see TK unravelling throughout the episode; in scenes like him talking with Gabriel he's clearly trying to keep it together, but by the time we get to investigating he's really losing it. Just, UGH, so good :'DDD 😭🥰❤️😍.
Now that last scene - well, the last two actually, I'll include the ambulance/after scene lol. TK having to do chest compressions and save Carlos (well, hold onto him for a little :') ) was just 😭😭😭. And seeing Carlos try to focus on TK when he was still awake? UGH, 😭😭😭😭 so good. And AAGHHHH 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️. It was such an amazing scene but MAN did it hurt xd. Especially Carlos jumping away from them when he woke up 💔💔 <33. And after that, the conversation about holding onto his life :'DDD? And how TK HAS HIS LIFE 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️🥰🥰. Y'all it's over close it down it was all worth it for this xD. They're just so adorable and in love :')). Also, YESSS THE "ARE YOU GONNA RIDE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND?" PARALLELLLLLLL!!! WHOOOO 🥰🥰😍😍😭🥳🥳🥳🥳😭. WE DESERVE IT XDDD. I will say again that it would've been even better (than 100% amazing) if it has been fiancé this time lol. Anyway xD. Oh and yeah I loved how much they said fiancé this time :'). Anybody <33. I just love acknowledgments of people's relationships okay :'DDD. But especially Tarlos being fiancés ;'))))). Idk why winky just because :D.
Anyway, plot wise I absolutely loved Tarlos in this episode. It was super interesting and obviously VERY tense, and the kidnapping (kidnappers, backstory, reason for it, etc) was actually very interesting. Not that I necessarily expected it not to be, but I didn't really think about it much lol. Also, I don't think any of us expected TK at the door xD 😭. Anyway, I also thought Trudie seemed in character the whole time with what we knew of her - she wasn't evil, and she believed in love (especially that of a mother and a son), so she let Carlos out. But she loved her son more than anything, so she protected him from Carlos. That's just the one example but yeah I thought it was really interesting, and really good :D. Also, TK working with Gabriel this episode? Obviously >>>>. As we all expected lol xD.
Now, for a quick look at next episode and after that: I hope we'll see Carlos next episode, and hear about his recovery and all that, but I think we'll see TK mention it but not actually see Carlos. I think it would be difficult to just have in one scene - like I said earlier, it's an important thing, too much to just put in a throwaway (not throwaway but I mean not one of the main plots of the episode) scene. I just think it would feel unnatural, but I don't know that we'll get a whole storyline on it next episode. And while I would absolutely love that, it makes sense. And it's been way too long since we've truly seen the others and they deserve some screen time :D. So, yeah, I think it'll get mentioned, and then in the next episode we see Carlos in/a few episodes from now we'll see some of the aftermath of this episode. See, I wouldn't be surprised at, say, a Carlos returning to work storyline in an episode (as in the one after this next one) or two, and having to deal with/explore some of the trauma through that. I mean the plot, but Carlos also having to deal with it lol. And obviously if something like that does happen we better have amazing support from TK <3. Anyway, I just hope (I know they will :'D) they support each other and love each other (not really a hope it's a fact lol), and they'll get through this :'D. Anyway, long story short, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH YOUR HONOR 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰😍😍🥰🥰🥰!!! Yeah, I love them <3.
Overall, I absolutely loved this episode. I adored it :D. It was so, so amazing, and once it's been a little longer I'll probably rewatch it - I don't rewatch full episodes a lot, and usually if I watch clips it's not angsty ones, but it can be. Anyway, for example, I haven't re-watched any episode this season yet, but I think I may rewatch this one this week. If I can clam down enough lol XD. I'm still tense just thinking about it, writing this. Plus from something else I was watching, but that's besides the point lol. Anyway, obviously I loved the kidnapped plot this episode, but I really enjoyed Owen's too :). Especially since it'll apparently play into the angst we see for TK and Owen in the future :D. Which, I'm glad was directly addressed (well, seen by us lol, addressed by the show, not characters) this episode. Usually it's tiny things or things we just assume, and I imagine some of which will be brought up in that future storyline, but today we saw TK outwardly bothered by it :). Very interesting! Not confusing though, it definitely makes sense lol. Anyway! I loved seeing a bit of the 126 - the scene they were in was great lol -, though it was odd to see TK mostly doing this on his own. He wasn't, but he also wasn't interacting much with the others. This episode felt like it was literally following TK, Carlos, and Owen. Luckily for the episode Carlos didn't move much lol. . . . sorry lol XD. Anyway (also yes the period and then separate ellipse was on purpose lol), it was really cool :D. Just odd how, maybe because he wasn't at work, we didn't see any of the team's reactions to everything going on. Certainly interesting. Also, I live in FEAR of the next episode 😳👀. I think the ending of the promo there is a red herring, an in the moment kind of association - I don't think it's Marjan leaving, I think it's probably Owen or O'Brien, maybe one of the other gang members. Also I doubt Marjan will really leave, or at least not for long (if it lasts for multiple episodes I'll die <3), but I am still very much in fear :'D. TK looks way too at peace in that last shot (or one of the last shots anyway) for Marjan to be leaving though xD. But yeah, it looks super interesting and I'm excited to see that big fire, and why everything that happens happens :D. Anyway! Back to this episode lol :). Grace was also amazing, I'm interested to see where Owen's storyline is going since while it closed a chapter, it's the only storyline from this episode that's actively continuing (we're sure to see aftereffects of the other one), I'm so glad Carlos is okay :'D, and all in all I just thought it was a super great episode :DD. Very emotional 😭😭, super dramatic, and had some comedy bits xD. I LOVED it 🥰🥰🥰😍❤️❤️.
So yeah! I absolutely loved this episode. I thought it was awesome! I'm nervous for the next one! This has been my review of. . .
9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 4, Episode 4: Abandoned
It was so amazing! I'm really excited to see more of everyone next episode, though I am scared. I'll be back next week with my review of. . .
9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 4, Episode 5: Human Resources
See you then!
#9-1-1 lone star#911 lone star#oasis's 9-1-1 chatter#ayyy 12:35!!! I'm cool with that :D#not same day because I got carried away and also did some other stuff lol but eh :)#I'm glad I made sure to post mas's fic for today instead of trying to finish this in time lol#anyway :DD I'm happy with it 🥰🥰🥰 :))!#this I mean :))#anyway!#I will probably be thinking more about tarlos than what I put here xDD#which will most likely include screaming or monologuing/expanding/talking about my thoughts in the tags#of other posts often by accident lol xd#and maybe my own post about specific parts but idk because that's a lot of pressure /hj XD#anyway yeah :)))#carlos reyes#tk strand#tarlos#owen strand#again (I believe the same thing happened last time excpet maybe with iris too) I didn't talk much about anyone besides them xd#so I won't tag them lol#911 lone star 4x04#9-1-1 lone star 4x04#911 lone star season 4 episode 4#911 lone star abandoned#911 lone star season 4 episode 4 abandoned#I love you all ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰 :)))!!!#byeeee :DDDD <333!!!!
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I look too much like both of my parents and act too much like them as well.
#vent#like. i fucking hate it.#at least people mostly just say I look a lot like my siblings because they are so much older than me#but jeez. every time i bite the skin on my finger tips and my nails#i get reminded that dad does that all of the time and I picked up the habit from him#i fucking hate it. i hate it do much.#i mean#i look in the mirror and i know it's me#but thats not who I want to be. thats not what i want to look like.#I don't know what i want to look like but it's not like my parents and not like a girl and that gets rid of barely anything#i just. don't feel comfortable like this. but what the fuck am I supposed to do about it?#i mean. there's nothing objectivly wrong with how I look. 5'3 and about 145 pounds. green eyes blonde hair. it's fine.#but it's too much like them. and it just doesn't feel like me. I don't want that to be me.#every time i wonder if I'm not trans/agender at all. i get reminded that adding calling myself a boy into pep talks makes me so happy.#along with that. when my hair gets dark in the winter and my hair gets tied back. i look in the mirror and it's a bit better.#but not fully better. i still have my chest and every other bad thing about myself.#and after randomly venting into these tags out of nowhere I've come to the conclusion that this probably isn't normal#snd something else is likely wrong with me. but eh. just add it to the pile I guess.
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BRO THE MF SPIRIT GATHERING EVENT GOT ME FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE
How tf r yall getting 150, 250+???
(Similar note I am so sorry to the very kind Chiori-Xilonen-Neuvillette group I just played with. Yall carried so hard, I love u and I'm sorry🫶🫶)
#genshin impact#natlan#genshin event#ill tag it properly when im more awake#bc i dont remember what its actually called#lucky event tho bc i pulled and get ororon just b4 starting it#my hot topic son#they could nvr make me hate u🫶🫶#i wanted chasca too but i gotta save for zhongli and neuvi#also my bad if i spelled it wrong up top#autocorrect said no#which is weird bc it usually corrects bc i talk about him so much in all my chats#i am unwell#this mf had taken over my life#Day 305 of hiding from my friends#ehe ig u could call me...#MR 305 MR WORLDWIDE IN THE BUILDING DALE#(my hispanic mother is either proud of me or continuing to wish i was nvr born🫶)
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