#but like with men is way harder
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so idk how to explain when I think someone is good looking
because it's a rare occurrence and like I just agree that they look good, that have some charm but that's that
I don't actually want to pursue anything with them or be sad if they have a partner or think about them after that or smth, idk what people actually do or think when they see someone attractive ??? (I've seen people try to give them their contact info and I'm like what but you don't know them ???)
that being said, I had never seen Bruno Mars before but that man is (was?) good looking
pretty wild because when i notice it's about women not men
but I was watching some videos and I'm like ??? how ??????
#Regina Spektor is beautiful too and i want to print the cover of the single Fidelity#but idk just that haha#ive seen girls that are so cute and their attitude#but just that#i don't actually understand when people are like oh my god look at the person and I'm like ok i guess#but like with men is way harder#a lot of times i just think i gueeeess they're good looking? idk man I'm just vibing#this is funny because I only know locked out of heaven hahaha no other song bt i love it i don't care if it talks about sex#it's not annoying and i love the the bridge? idk about music terminology#who else id attractive? idk a sweet girl i met years ago she was playful and cute (and later i learned she was a lesbian lol) but eh#*is#and some random women I've seen that I'm like oh she looks cool#wait fuck is this a “i want to be with her or i want to be her?”? lol#it's too complicated so ehh#also it's not relevant because i prefer a really close friend bestest friend like soul mate as partner but like#the *implications* fuck#how that one post said#i don't want a relationship like that but also more than friendship like the one friendship advanced but that's romance but#but not too much please but also don't leave but i don't want sex things but ok intimacy ok but not too much but but but#fuck it#why is everything so hard#hi people reading my notes usually they compose more than the actual post lol i like to ramble haha#*tags not notes
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SAVOIR FAIRE: I'd worry in Necktie's place, lieutenant can get quite creative with a piece of fabric~ I have seen several cases where people were mixing Electrochemistry and Horrific Necktie and tbf they're pretty easy to mix, but there is a slight difference: EC is your pleasure center which wants you to feel good no matter the source, while Necktie is your imaginary drinking buddy who want's you to party hard like young people do (by getting drunk/hight, sleeping with younger women and doing stupid shit for lulz).
So I'm pretty sure our *bratan* won't be Kim's biggest fan (and vice versa), EC on the other hand…
#perform auto-erotic asphyxiation with your funny necktie out in the open somewhere - ✓#Disco Elysium#Kim Kitsuragi#harrier du bois#Joopson AS Men's Fashion model Colourful Tie. catalogue no. J327 my beloved#this was way funnier in my head#hoo boy I'm still alive but#the older I get the harder ADHD is kicking my butt#there's like dozens DE sketches but practically no time/motivation to clean them up which is very sad#and apparently I just CANT NOT go hard on colouring cause it's the best part#oh well#hopefully I'd finish some of them eventually
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One of the many things I find funny and irritating is the slant of a lot of interpretations of Alecto's name (that it's about feminine rage)--on this here wlw internet in the year of our lord 2024, it's easily made to figure as rage against God, or rage against patriarchy, or religious oppression, and therefore an allusion to the idea that she's going to get her vengeance on John for betraying and oppressing her somehow, but like
John is the one who named her Alecto. He's the one who named her that. So, naming her "Alecto" is alluding to the embodiment of John's rage--their rage, since they are joined inseparably (John even explicitly says that when he first perceives her: "You wouldn't stop screaming. You were so scared. You were so goddamn mad").
He says of Alecto to Harrow, "In a very real way, you are [Alecto's] children". At a very surface level, Alecto is (depending on the text or tradition), one of the Furies--famously, in several surviving Greek tragedies, who punish Orestes for the crime of killing his mother. In fact, in Aeschylus' Oresteia, they declare that they are specifically bound to avenge matricide.
So the name "Alecto" alludes to the nature of John's mission and how he sees it.
It also implies that his divine rage, the rage that gives him power, the power that makes him divine, that he either represents or wants to represent, is feminine rage. He was chosen by Earth (which, Furies are sometimes the daughters of Gaia); he is her champion, however he's managed to fuck that up. Once the truth of that comes out, it becomes clear that all of his power comes from her.
And that's why you get statements from Tamsyn Muir like:
“[T]he God of the Locked Tomb IS a man; he IS the Father and the Teacher; it’s an inherently masc role played by someone who has an uneasy relationship himself to playing a Biblical patriarch. John falls back on hierarchies and roles because they’re familiar even when he’s struggling not to. Even he identifies himself as the God who became man and the man who became God. But the divine in the Locked Tomb is essentially feminine on multiple axes – I think Nona will illuminate that a little bit more."
So yes, he plays the role of Emperor and God and Teacher, with all of the things that implies. And I don't think it should be discounted. But he also is (and partly sees himself as) the chosen champion of a goddess, or what is for all intents & purposes for a human like him a goddess. He is her avenger, and while she sleeps, her avatar.
And I don't think we're meant to read him purely as a parasite who's taking advantage of her to gain power for himself, either. Or an oppressive, Kronos-like figure. Especially if you consider Palamedes' theory of the Grand Lysis, even if he was purely motivated by desire for power before (which I really doubt), there are parts of each in the other, now. What was clear and separate before is uncertain and interpenetrated. Is his rage his own, or hers? Is his mission of revenge his, or hers? If he wants power, is that his own selfishness, or her desire to survive?
And does it matter?
#the locked tomb#tlt meta#john gaius#i really wish there wasn't such an intense desire to find the worst possible interpretations of johns' actions#because like. they're plenty hurtful on their own! they're plenty shitty!#there IS however something tamsyn muir is trying to express through the series and it's fairly complicated-otherwise it wouldn't be a serie#and i don't think it actually helps us to turn john into a cardboard cutout labeled 'evil'#or apply tropes we've marinated in from radfem-informed segments of online wlw culture about how men are parasites on the Divine Feminine#or apply the messages of other shows with a big emphasis on queer and wlw themes--like spop--to something that just fundamentally isn't the#there is more than one way to talk about lesbian religious trauma and there is more than one narrative around it#and more than one perspective on it#i wish that people would try harder to experience the story on its own terms
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#I also think american exceptionalism and their bizarre cultural one-way street isolation plays a role#i think it's different if you actually see other countries as equals and see that they have female leaders and realise that it's#not going downhill it's not solving everything it's business as usual and it's just another boring fucking politician#and this makes the gender of the candidate LESS (not saying no) issue people obsess about or feel a need to discuss#(e.g. people laying into the appearance of female politicians? certainly misogyny. making jokes about cooking and shoes? definitely too#but I feel like that was more a 'gotta insult these fucking politicians' and gender being one of the targets when people want to do that)#but if you're the US and giant parts of the populace think they're the specialmost extra complicatedest country in this our planetworld#the fact that it works for so many other countries takes a much lower priority#because 'yeah sure a woman can govern a....'checks notes' Fineland and United Kingdom of England or Germanland'#but the US of freedom? we got a red button and what if she's on her period!!?! We are a REAL country!!'#not to mention how deeply entrenched the idea of the US as being CONSTANTLY under attack is and the president as the PROTECTOR#and that protector needs to be daddy of course#i also think the different attitude to leaders plays a role#because a part of misogyny is how much people love to HATE women - to sink their teeth into them and demonise them for every flaw#so any country that has some kind of weird worship of their leaders or sees them as some heroes or extra-class of person*#in my opinion might have a harder time to elect a woman because the moment a woman becomes a candidate#you just have to find the right flaw to go on and on about to make the population absolutely hate her or question her competency#meanwhile the general slack we cut men means they can do whatever but somehow still be compatible with that concept of leadership#(*not just the US ....though a lot of other countries with similar attitudes to their leaders are not standing out as democracies tbh)
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Soap : I can't believe they did something like that in front of innocent eyes !
Ghost : I'm sure you're both GREATLY exaggerating what happened
Soap : You don't understand, he had the lighter in his hand! He didn't have to be a slut!
#cod mw2#cod nikolai#captain john price#nikprice#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#gaz is having war flashbacks because of his real dad flirting with women in front of him#they're like ew old people flirting#ghost is tired with them#wouldn't it be hilarious if price and nik were constantly denying every accusation of them flirting for real#in a 'come on we're friends can't friends flirt as a joke anymore? you kids are taking it too seriously' way#but they're just trying to gaslight them and they've been married for almost ten years and only ghost and laswell know#& as soon as the kids begin to believe that they're in fact maybe just friends they flirt harder and soap and gaz are just confused forever#anyway funny story (or at least it is for me) : i was on pinterest trying to find inspiration on what clothes to give to nik (i gave up)#and i looked for 'middle aged russian men clothes' and pinterest gave me medieval russian men clothes instead of 40 yo russian men clothes
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I admittedly have a strong attachment to Swansea. He was able to get sober and stay that way, even if he wasn't truly happy like that. Staying sober is hard. There's a lot of alcoholism in my family, even I drink socially to some degree, and unfortunately at least one family member did not survive their alcoholism. Mostly anyone that does drink heavily in my family have either slowed down in their older age due to health concerns or know how to function with it. But Swansea got to a low point and said "That's enough." on his own.
And it breaks my heart entirely that the only happiness he got out of his time being alive was through the bottle. Because I knew exactly what he was talking about. It feels good, it's a warm fuzzy band-aid, it makes you forget or not think too hard about anything else besides that good feeling or the hangover. I hate that. It was so devastating to hear.
But one thing that made me happy is that even though he was drunk off mouthwash, he still cared, he cared enough about at least one person on the ship hoping he'd have a true chance at life he saw that no one else would or should have. Curly was in such a bad condition, Jimmy was a loser piece of garbage he saw through, and Anya...he knew Anya didn't want to and shouldn't have to live through her trauma. So the only viable option was Daisuke, the youngest of the crew who had barely started his life. What hurts me more is that I'd've done that too. I'm tired mentally and emotionally. I've been traumatized and probably will be much more, but hey kid, you still might have a chance, however slim that is. Sometimes I think about what it was that made him start drinking to begin with. What was he trying to forget? What caused the bad feelings he wanted to chase away bottle after bottle? Was it just learned behavior? Or maybe it's both.
#this is just me musing tbh.#Swansea reminded me too much of a certain someone. Made me sad.#This month is always hard on me and I've been coping by drinking a little too much lately#So Mouthwashing hit a bit harder than intended probably lol#mouthwashing#mouthwashing Swansea#It's weird...the game is so...human...#I've met every single person on the ship or relate in some way#I've met Jimmys. I hate men like him. Cowardly POS until the end.
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Oops, furry'd your Poolverine. Got Deadpool as a sphynx cat and Wolverine as a... Wolverine. Obviously. Also yes im aware of canon furry Deadpool and Wolverine, but I have chosen to ignore it because there is only one alternate version of Wade Wilson that doesnt look like a fucked-up raisin, and that bitch is dead. Also they made furry Wolverine blonde and I do not respect that choice.
#I like that canonically Deadpool is into anthro foxes tho#'cause he would#Gonna be real with you guys I wish these came out better#Usually my character designs are way better than this#But depression had been hitting much harder than usual#And im trapped in a dying relationship#So until I get myself so drugged up I can barely acknowledge the fact that im miserable the quality of my work is going to be cringe#x men#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool fanart#logan wolverine
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it's month 7 of pants research and this is the scene of the latest fashion cryptid sighting unsuspecting civilians were subjected to at the local charity shop this morning
#pants#fashion#men's fashion#cryptid#cryptidcore#da me#((the shop doesn't have a fitting room so I was measuring with my measuring tape instead to make sure it was the correct fit))#I bought FOUR pairs of pants for under 20 quid TOTAL!#(and two huge bed sheets worth of fabric for less than 10 cause this specific charity shop is my fave cause they got curtains & bed sheets)#and then 3 more at tkmaxx that did cost about 20-25 each but apparently that was like 50 quid less than rrp#and all 7 of them fit appropriately in the hip/crotch area and I'll only need to shorten the legs 🙏#cause I finally figured out what measurement to fit men's pants for the other week#cause unlike women's fashion which just fits to existing body shapes (eg waist for pant waist crotch for pant crotch etc)#men's fashion ignores basically all existing body shapes which makes it so much harder in so many ways#for someone this short I sure am crouching in public surprisingly often
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不用理由就会相信、没有力量也要保护的人,阁下难道没有吗?
鹤唳华亭 royal nirvana + women
#鹤唳华亭#royal nirvana#asiandramasource#dailyasiandramas#cdramasource#asiandramanet#cdramagifs#cdramanet#gifshistorical#cdrama#drama#hlhtgifs#jielin's edits#my posts#yeah hlht's story revolves around men & the patriarchy but it's precisely how it sheds light on the experiences/strengths of its women#through xdq's plight in a man's world#it can only be imagined how much harder it is for the women and how much more tenacious they have to be#like. literally when lwx told xdq 天下万姓都比在上位者更��易碎#and 没有力量也要保护的人 characterises and recognises the gentle strength of the women of hlht#xdq had the choice to lie and say no. but she did not. the women did not#they've been forced into circumstances that strip them powerless. so they will protect their loved ones in ways they can.#even if it means the only way is to ride all the way across town in the snow to block a blade with your bare hands#looooong overdue project. ended up choosing some of my fave women-centric highlights of the show rather than indiv charas#but it was so close to being a nianzhi-centric and lwx-centric set hbhjbhbj they're reallyyy some of thee all-time historical fem charas#nianzhi my beloveddd. she had to headline this gifset for me. hlht my beloved.
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Person who isn’t a trans man or butch lesbian or anything adjacent: no you see when girls* act masculine they’re actually socially rewarded for it because masculinity is always favored no matter what for everyone all the time and girls* are never punished for behaving or presenting in gender nonconforming ways! nobody ever has ever had a problem with girls* being masculine!
#Try being visibly ''female'' and having short hair in the south -_-#The idea that every cishet person ever is like casual and okay tomboys is just.#Blatantly erasing the lived experience of so many trans people & lesbians.#Butch lesbians didn’t build our community to have their struggles be disregarded like that#And no I’m not saying feminine boys/trans women have an easier time or whatever in fact I’m sure they have a much harder time#But to say that masculinity for girls* and people who were AFAB is completely societally accepted#Is objectively false and literally just a way to silence lesbians & trans men#And especially frustrating when you’re a butch living in Florida who’s had to push their entire life to be allowed to be masculine#bandit.txt
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Love a series that gives me a guy to root for across 80% of the series as he actively attempts to capture, kill, torture, or maim the protagonists. Rasten deserves to be winning and is from Winter Be My Shield by Jo Spurrier and its sequels.
#jo spurrier#black sun trilogy#winter be my shield#fanart#these were supposed to be quick gesture studies and here i am i guess#gore#blood#my list of traumatized men who were apprenticed to blood mages as children and developed Issues because of it has grown to three#i rotate them all in my brain at all times#apologies to sirri i accidentally went way harder on this one and now i feel like she deserves a better picture :(
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sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them
i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.
under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)
ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.
embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great
back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.
my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)
durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL
'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full
as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL
BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).
tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on
Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive
and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...
once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)
i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)
that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here
before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..
i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....
#snap chats#usually this onea them posts i ramble bout in the tags but i have photos and this is Long long so .. i use the main body for once ...#sorry i gave a biography but i never talk to people and i also love typing. im one of those party can-of-worms i fear#i feel like i could talk about this forever because x-men itself has never been super prominent in my childhood#it was just kinda there in the background BUT comics themselves have always been with me. theyre a keystone to me i think#but yeah. x-men definitely sticks a lot harder than avengers does now OOPS this is not me taking shots i am just SAYING#i have a lot of old marvel doodles tbh .. i found an old deadpool one i remember drawing with my bro during a car ride#kinda funny how much my bro and i bond i dont think of it much but I Guess thats another reason why comics are special to me#we dont bond much- i dont bond with my fam in general tbh we're kinda. Isolated in a way LOL so its cool we're tight at least#if you wanna go deeper bout Comics And My Family my dad really liked comics growing up- more dc tho maybe#apparently he used to draw hulk a lot but if he did those drawings are loooong gone.. at least i know who to blame for me drawing#he loves superman tho. i remember id get embarrassed watching superhero cartoons and superman was on screen when he was around#for some reason i thought id get in trouble if he caught me watching superman but when he did once he was real happy so. tf wrong with me#he loves to say hes superman a lot and id be like Dad... Stop... LMAO but in the cheesiest way possible he do be my hero so. accurate ig#but yeah thats my origin story for why i like comics again thank you for reading if you actually read all that#and sorry it got all sappy Unfortunately i be like that sometimes. i am very emotionally constipated and i over explain a lot#ok i fr gonna end it here im gonna keep going by accident if i thinka any longer and i have stuff i still have to do
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it's so frustrating when somebody makes a really good point about misogyny but has to go out of their way to exclude transgender men from the discussion when discussing things that very explicitly include us. i don't mean just forgetting we exist or using cissexist language i mean specifically going out of your way to say that obviously we must somehow be exempt from, say, abortion bans, for no real reason other than to be exclusionary.
and like i know the answer from most people is lol whatever suck it up that's how it is being a minority but you know, i've been doing that, and it gets a bit tiring to be told that problems that directly affect you and others like you aren't worth caring about and that you wanting people to remember you exist is like, asserting your toxic masculine energy or whatever.
i just want people to remember that trans men can get pregnant and might be perceived as women and discriminated against for without explicitly misgendering us in the process. especially since that misgendering is often not accidental cissexism but can in fact be a deliberate attempt to force us to detransition if we want to benefit from feminism in terms of abortion rights or hate crime laws or workplace discrimination.
like it's not me being sensitive about language it's not wanting a movement that concerns me and my rights to forget i exist or deliberately exclude me. because when well meaning cis woman feminists forget about trans men you open the door for people that are not well-meaning to deliberately fuck us over. that's all.
#like how many people go out of their way to say femme-identified people instead of women and then still forget about trans men#it's a lot of like paying lip service to transfeminism without actually thinking about it and engaging with it#cos if you fuck up that bad about the issues of trans men you probably have a blind spot for trans women too#it's just slightly easier for people to seem surface level inclusive of trans women because they can just act like it's#1:1 cis women's issues to trans women's#but when things get any more complicated it's like haha nevermind i was just pretending to care about you for brownie points#if it makes my activism any harder I'm actually fine with you dying#and ik it sounds petty when im just critiquing like. language. but this is how you get shit like trans men denied breast cancer screenings#bc of their id. or women's AND men's shelters rejecting trans men
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scare the hoes more and keep yapping about ekky (& others) getting used to maffhew, it delights me. and say even more about how sasha handles this feral and sweet omega that gets dropped into his orbit. smth smth “feels like i’ve known him 10 years” or whatever vows sasha recited to the press, cameras, and god
apparently we are taking more tumblr user ratatatastic abo yap thoughts for 500 may god hear our screams up wherever he is. big man in the sky you fuckin owe me one.
i think theres so much in particular to say in concerns of 1619 and how quickly they gelled irl but even more so in an abo au
ive always enjoyed when people assign matthew stronger scents that take getting used to if you don't like it already and i know ive read a fic where his scent notes did skew towards stronger cinnamon foods/drinks
anyways on that note it wouldnt surprise me that sasha takes so easy to this spicy little omega.
Like of course he does, he smells like the pastries he used to eat back at home, the pastries he eats now because he's found an established Finnish bakery down here that makes them homemade every morning, the bakery he likes to frequent with the other Finns when he can.
Is it ever a wonder that the cute omega that sent him such a terribly sweet text when the trade news broke out (you know, after the initial excitement worn off because Sasha does chuckle at memory of the brash "Fucking, right!" that pinged on his phone the very first time from an unknown number) smells like... home... No matter all the rumours that have swirled around Matthew, the rumours Sasha has personally experienced himself playing against him...he smells nostalgic. Like Sasha could be at home right now—you know, home home—lounging outside his cottage with tea and pastries on the little table that he's set out. The warm cinnamon that wafts from the typically sterile room they've assigned for pressers smells divine, for lack of a better word. It smells indulgent. Because Sasha can't have those homely pastries all the time, what, with his training regiment.
It's why he doesn't quite believe it that Matthew's the one that's the centre of it all. He's absolutely convinced he's hallucinating because the season is about to start and he's had to cut back on all his favourite sweets as much as it pains him to but for the betterment of the team? He'd do anything. And yet despite the way he rubs at his nose to at least try to clear it, he smells that cinnamon. That cinnamon that's definitely coming from new omega they traded over who's laughing so obnoxiously at the lectern they have set up that if his scent didn't catch your attention, his loud mannerisms certainly did. His voice is practically bouncing off the walls in big loud echoes that should hurt Sasha’s ears. Emphasis on should. As it is he finds his heart melting more than it should instead.
It's been quite a long time since someone's scent has moved him this much. All the people that have, have been in his life for so long he's forgotten what it's like to feel instant scent compatibility. His nostrils are flaring and he's trying his best not to open his mouth to huff in big gulps of it because it's rather impolite to be so obviously scenting the new guy. It could be misconstrued as Sasha taking offence to the new presence in the room.
Some part of his brain is still trying to catch up to the idea that Matthew even smells at all because the first time he met him (down here for some joint offseason ice-time) he didn't particularly smell like much, if at all really. Whether it's because he put on blockers to not intrude on pack territory until he smelled more like them, or he was still on suppressants even in the summer, Sasha wasn't sure and he definitely wasn't going to ask about it.
Known him for 10 years? He feels like he's known him his whole life. But 10's a safe number, 10's a number that won't scare off this new omega, right? 10's a number that conveys "As Captain I want this to work out, I'm opening up my pack for you, I won't shun you, you're welcome here," and not "If I stick my nose in your neck right now to scent you, they're gonna have to forcibly evict me from the new home I've found in you, and it's not gonna be a pretty outcome."
It's also why he's a little nervous when Media Day is over because despite how much it dragged along in years past it practically blitzed by and now Sasha has to��
You know, properly scent the new addition. Give them the purring acceptance of their Pack leader's scent to carry with them. And it's nothing big, it's just some chaste wrist rubbing... something subtle and not too overwhelming for everyone: the pack, and the newcomer alike. It's not like Sasha is going to mouth at Matthew's neck glands. He doesn't think he can even handle that right now but that's a problem for future Sasha—for when Matthew is really part of the pack and not like a goldfish in a plastic bag being dunked into an aquarium to get used to the water temperature. He just has to rub his wrist against his, it's like basic Alpha etiquette. It'll be fine, mostly. He hopes.
And it's as anticlimactic as he thought it'd be: gentle reintroductions and reignited chatter of excitement about the new season that's about to start... maybe just with the new lingering scent of sweet and spice in the background as if someone lit up a candle without Sasha even noticing it. It's a struggle to keep his eyes from closing from how heavy they feel, from how relaxed he feels in the presence of this new omega he knows has pissed him off on several occasions as composed as he was about it.
Matthew presents his wrist in a flourish successfully managing to divert his attention back to what they're supposed to be doing all alone like this in the dressing room like this, "I'm sure you've been dying to do this huh, Cap?"
Sweat starts to break out at the back of his neck. He knows? Sasha doesn't think he's been sending off any signals that could've hinted otherwise but Sasha admits that he's well out of practise, he hasn't had to reign in his scent this much in such a long time, and maybe Matthew picked up his weird fixation—
Matthew waggles his eyebrows for extra effect an offbeat later when the joke doesn't seem to land the way he wanted it to.
Oh, thank Christ, he's just teasing him. It's a joke. He doesn't actually mean it in the way Sasha thought he meant.
"Yes. Yes, I have," Sasha chuckles in relief, shaking his head at Matthew's attempt to lighten the mood.
"10 years, or so I've heard, bud."
"You heard? Uh, listened to the..." he trails off.
"Kinda hard not to when the setup made it sound like you were in the middle of the Earth, my guy. I don't think my ears are ever gonna recover from that."
"It's the first day for everyone," Sasha lightly chastises, not particularly aggrieved at all but wanting to keep up the banter to stall for time, so he can prepare himself. Quite honestly he feels like travelled back in time to the young anxious Alpha he was breaking out into the league for the first time.
"Be gentle, I bruise easily."
"Right, gentle. I'll treat you better than my clothes on the delicate cycle."
"Is that supposed to be a line?" Matthew says in glee, his voice pitching into incredulity.
"Line like fishing?"
"Oh, come on! You know what I'm talking about! You've been in this country long enough to pick up on that!"
"Yes, yes, that."
Matthew shoves at his shoulder playfully. "Just go on and do the thing already."
"Doing the thing."
Matthew snorts but his wrist is limp in Sasha’s hold. And as much as it was a dumb joke he does feel delicate between his fingers like that. So delicate that when he rubs his own wrist against his—to transfer over their pack scent��he feels like he's going to break it if he holds onto it for too long. It's why he drops it as quick as he took it, hands scrambling to his sides in an effort to remain polite but also to get a handle on himself so his pheromones don't go haywire with the new stimulus. It's a bit of a losing battle because he knows his scent just. But he can play it off as the excitement of an Alpha being able to claim another member to his pack, it's a possessive kind of thing.
"Well, see you around! Call it a hunch but I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of each other." And the joke wasn't funny the first time, truly the equivalent of leaning on the office fax machine and going "You come here often?" to your coworkers who just want to get their work done—and just as sleazy too with the greasy grin Matthew has permanently stuck to his face but Sasha still laughs like he did the first time he heard it.
And it's only now that Matthew is gone that Sasha realises the room smells strongly of cinnamon, so potent that anyone with a working nose would be able to tell that. Like Matthew was doing his best to ease Sasha’s obvious nerves when Sasha should've been the one to calm the omega who's been uprooted from their own pack and thrown into a completely new environment, himself.
"Jesus, it reeks in here. Smells like cinnamon," Aaron wrinkles his nose, wandering back in after his own media duties were done, finding Sasha all alone in the locker rooms.
"It does?" Like he can't tell the room smells like the equivalent of someone knocking over a Yankee Candle into an open fire.
"Yeah, like an awful lot." Aaron scrunching up his nose, trying to fight off an incoming sneeze. "It's strong," he says without thinking, swallows before his eyes shift over to Sasha and then to the floor, "Not bad just... strong..." The I can get used to it is left unspoken between them.
"I like it," Sasha admits because if Aaron is confessing to things without thinking then he might as well too. They've known each other long enough.
"I can tell." Aaron snorts, "You reek too."
Sasha lets out a questioning little noise, tilts his head to the side as he silently urges Aaron to continue.
"You have no idea what cinnamon and cardamom smell like together, do you? I feel like I walked into a bakery when I should be at the gym right now."
"Is that bad?"
"For you? No, of course not," Aaron's eyes soften, and while his scent wasn't anywhere close to abrasive, it does lighten up just a tad bit in the presence of his pack Alpha. "For me? I'd rather dunk my head in a bucket of coffee beans." A bit of an exaggeration on Aaron's part but the wry grin he has on really adds to the fact he's just joking—just a little, maybe there's some truth hidden in there. He knows how Aaron is, the way he tries to downplay anytime he bristles about something. Peace and vibes, and all that.
So Sasha can joke as well, "Forsy's stall is over there," and motions his head towards it across the room.
"Oh, hilarious."
"If I was funny I would say jock."
"You know, what? I think I will hit the gym today, thanks for reminding me."
"Mmm, anytime." And when Aaron's half out the door he adds, "Ask the staff where they put the jerseys we used today!"
"I'm going! To the gym!" he echoes back, not bothering to turn around as he shuffles down the hall in a hurry, and decidedly not going in the direction of the gym. It's not surprising when he hears chatter pick up and shoes scuffing briskly into the direction of the laundry rooms.
#ask#instead of actually writing the things i wanted to get done i did this instead thanks guys#not to “controversially new hot younger girlfriend” maffhew but im gonna#timeline here doesnt make sense like quote wise so like you know#chat... matthew was not joking when he said well be seeing more of each other#he was fully intending to sit on that knot the first time he saw sasha#sasha is just dumb#god can you just imagine the ways in which maffhew would drive this nice polite alpha absolutely insane#can you imagine the way sasha accidently brushes his hand across the back of his neck because hes trying to wrap an arm around his shoulder#in camaraderie and sasha is so apologetic about it because dynamic classes in finland are intense and hes so remorseful about it#and then in the midst of all that maffhew just turns into this little purr machine and sasha is like oh i think i touched a button i should#not have touched at all oh god oh fuck#and maffhews like mmm? whyd you stop#pan to sasha silently freaking out#not to say sasha doesnt enjoy scruffing his omegas because they love it but he hasnt met one who enjoys it as much as maffhew does#and it kinda fucks him up#also speaking to ekky getting used to maffhews scent like oh boy i can see sooooo many ways that can go down like maffhew is respectful#of ekkys boundaries but also at some point ekky has had enough time to mope and for lack of a better word he does need to grow up#which is why maffhew starts off subtly you know standing on the dman side of the lockers for a few minutes. chatting up the guys over there#before ekky walks in you know leave a ghost of his scent around. its not strong and its not offensive but it certainly is there#eventually he just full on starts chucking his dirty socks at ekky after games#going oops sorry missed the bin didnt mean to snipe you (he absolutely did. he gets extra points if he hits ekkys face!)#sometimes a stray jersey too. if he really wants to make ekky mad he will just slingshot his biohazard-in-training-jock over.#i also think when ekky gets the yips when he starts pacing a little harder than usual when his chuckles turn a little too nervous#maffhew has enough and just like a worried hen of a men just manhandles ekky around in his arms and shoves at him till he puts his nose#in his neck and ekkys arguing the whole time like this isnt necessary im fine-#and matthews like right im sure thats why your teeth are chattering worse than a fucking woodchipper eh?#ekky cant really reply to that and maffhew tells him to just shut up and start sniffing#and it does help and he hates that he admits maffhew was right that he just needed to be clucked over by another omega#opening yapdoras box the lot of you. utterly awful. I HAVE THINGS TO DOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Having fucked up gender dysphoria ive wrapped back around and now im mad im not a girl. I dont want to use she/her that feels wrong, and i dont want people to refer to me as a woman they just need to. Know. Sometimes. Perhaps bigender or genderfluid who knows. Im only a girl sometimes
#i like men in a man way but i like women in a woman way. i think.#but i also like women in a bi man way. i dont like men in a woman way?#being bi is very important to my gender#but like. my woman gender feels aro#its all so complicated#its so hard to be a boy girl girl boy people dont like it when you do that#and its even harder when its mostly internal#id like to dress more feminine but i dont want to be a feminine man#i want to be a . somewhat androgynous girl#but only sometimes !#when i see other trans guys explore femininity i can tell its not how i feel#its all so weird anyway can i just be a girl with a mustache#and a green and purple color scheme thanks#i know i can do all of this and do whatever i want i can be a girl when i feel like it#its just. i dont know how to explore that#or how to feel about it… and explore it in a way that doesnt also trigger my dysphoria#anybody else on this forum have two genders?#diary
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I really hate how many people (usually women) casually use the term Yaoi as if it isn't a fetishistic term.
tbh I don't think that women take the fetishization of mlm seriously. I think that's because of the general idea that men are privileged so treating them bad is okay (which I hate) and because its almost exclusively cis women (sometimes even queer cis women) doing it.
As an achillean (the masc version of sapphic) seeing things about mlm relationships using the term yaoi immediately makes me uncomfortable and lets me know that the person posting it doesn't see me as a person.
And i feel like I've been seeing it more often despite trying my best to avoid that term using tag blocking and such.
I just want to find achillean content that sees us as people. Is that so much to ask for?
#lgbt#mlm#gay#achillean#fandom#I feel like people are gonna yell at me for even feeling this way lol#its so much harder to escape than sapphic fetishzation because I dont occupy the same online spaces as cis men#im genderfluid and bi so i ID as both achillean and sapphic btw#friends will send me art of a mlm ship I like and I'll be like :D until i see the word yaoi in the caption or tags :(
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